#The next three years cussing out system

[phoenixcatch7]

Thinking about a 'sqq transmigrates (reincarnates) into dc' (specifically the jl because I don't know much about the rest), and who do you think would be funniest? I have narrowed it down to One but if anyone has anything better I'd love to hear it - Constantine, cap marvel and Manhunter were my top choices until:

Batman. Of course. Mainly because of the adoption problem and dozen kids with attachment issues, but also sqq spending his entire time internally shrieking I AM NOT CUT OUT FOR THIS I AM NOT PREPARED SYSTEM WHY DID YOU CHOOSE BATMAN. Trying so hard to fit the theme. Over preparing and stressing over every detail. A bit autism coded. 'I don't fall in love with anyone unless I choose to' wrong. 'You want me??? To?? Share my emotions?? My troubles??? I want to be a good parental figure but I would RATHER DIE'.

*internal sarcasm at local iq* *encyclopedic knowledge* *forgets he's not supposed to know everyone's identity*. "HOW DID YOH EVEN KNOW THAT??!!" 'oh I uh figured it out lol *bluffs sherlock style deduction*'. *repressed* 'Trauma? What trauma? I'm doing Great.'

Alfred is best man but sqq has been fundamentally a rich kid for THREE lifetimes now. He is unsavagable. Acts all high and mighty for the show but self esteem is garbage. UTTER COMMITMENT TO THE BIT at this point (way post svsss canon) I think sqq would genuinely implode if he didn't have a mask to show the public.

System has followed him of course and has him by the scruff of his neck every time he thinks about a more peaceful life. It has very high ooc standards as always until he first puts on the mask.

I can see superman taking over lqgs role a little. Casual friend and bestie. Always ready to help (and occasionally sky uber). Brawn to his brain but smarter than people give him credit for. Ultimate power team. Romantic tension through the roof but never wants anything more (and Bruce is completely oblivious anyway). Everyone sees it though.

Everyone assuming Bruce spent a huge amount of time training in some ultra secret Chinese mountain range (technically they're not wrong!) but no system sent him to the league of assassins he's just using the excuse to work on his cultivation. (talia tried SO HARD to seduce him but it failed utterly so she gave up and stole his dna while he was asleep (he woke up the next morning to a mission success notification and freaked)).

Unlike what his kids except, is fully caught up with memes. They hate it but that just makes him use them more. On the plus side he is susceptible to rickroll. Peak 'my darling child would NEVER how dare' at events. The only ones who know he had (has???) a husband pre reveal.

He teaches them all cultivation like a little qj peak but without the proper environment, which doesn't exist here, they're never going to reach immortality like him. He's fine about that, really :). He's accepted it. Either way that means pit influence doesn't stick, whoo!

Would like nothing more than to kill the joker :). System won't let him. He can't explain that to anyone :).

Meanwhile an lbh centuries old is Missing His Husband and Its Been MONTHS Where are his kisses from shizun??? But seriously WHERE IS HIS HUSBAND BLOOD WILL BE SPILT THE ONE WHO TOOK HIM WILL BE WIPED FROM THE FACE OF THE REALMS THEIR LIGAMENTS STREWN ACROSS THE NORTHERN DESERT AND THEIR ENTRAILS FED TO HYDRA VULTURES WHERE IS HE

Cue an enraged ancient demon emperor breaking through the walls of reality on a universe shattering rampage only for him to be batmans husband :). Who wants kisses.

[gam3-b01]

winter

pairing(s): jeon wonwoo x reader

genre(s): angst

wc: ~1.3k

warnings: suggestive content (hankypanky related activities), just sad hours in general, minors dni just to be safe

(a/n: my first post on this blog, this was one of my earliest drafts and i needed to get it out of my system ahahsjdnd. the way some people might know who i am because i used the term hanky panky is concerning but also hilarious, if you see this i love you bro sorry for angst hours i stayed up too late to make sane decisions sorry i had to. song inspo for this fic is winter by two feet)

It's not a thing, right? This hasn't happened before.

But the familiarity with which you look up at him from under the covers slaps Wonwoo in the face before he has the time to process the content haziness clouding your eyes. His tense frame relaxes involuntarily, and he slips in beside you but not before checking your bare skin for any bruises he might have accidently left after almost soldering you to the mattress barely ten minutes ago. As he slips an arm around your middle and you tell him without any kindness whatsoever that his hands are way too cold for you (and that he should probably get checked for anaemia because, and he quotes, "even hell freezing over generates more fucking warmth than you do"), he realises he has to stop lying to himself and acknowledge the fact that realistically, this has actually definitely happened before.

This exact night, every single frame of it, happened last year. And the year before that. And the year before that one? No, the both of you were still together back then. Probably. What year was three years ago? Time was always a muddy, comically abstract concept when it came to each other for the both of you.

Maybe it would be easier for him to count the years winter to winter. Because when Wonwoo visits his hometown at the beginning of every December, a series of events occur. He sets his bags down at his place and spends the first week in radio silence recuperating with his family, ignoring the 20 odd messages he gets from Mingyu about his dog and updates (read: gossip) from their shared workplace. The next week usually is spent catching up with old friends mostly out of obligation, and the third week is occupied by Christmas. The fourth-ish week is when all of his friends asking about you begins to get to his head. By around the 28th of December, he's sick of lying awake in his childhood bed, staring at the ceiling as he tries to forget things that should never have happened in the first place. Eventually he sits up, runs a hand through his hair, puts on his glasses, and spritzes on something that you liked to call "sandalwood crack" before shrugging on his jacket and heading out.

Where to though? He pretends to think for a while before giving up. And when he steps into the bar after paying for his cab, he is never, ever surprised or secretly relieved when he spots you sitting in the stool furthest away from the air conditioning. You look wasted, but the soda cans strewn about you indicate otherwise. You've stopped drinking after the breakup. You're doing well with sobriety. He opens with that like the asshole he is, and you have the decency to cuss at him like a sailor and pass him a stool as you say something vaguely self-depreciating as a joke about the near-alcoholism you contracted back then. He opts for silence. And you ask him to take it easy despite him having opened the fire. Ever tolerant. Like the gentle undercurrents of a river (not like you didn't have a temper on you, you just tended to be nice when you saw him after long periods of time. Was it because you missed him? The mere thought had him shrivelling up a little inside). Wasn't he supposed to be the water sign between you both? He remembers the natal chart phase you had when you were nineteen, which reminds him you were his best friend of nine years before the both of you stopped talking. He expertly shoves that piece of information away before it tries to hurt him one more time.

(...What kind of best friend asks, no, begs him to leave and never contact them again? Maybe the kind whose best friend actually proceeded to do exactly that without ever putting up a fight? Fuck.)

Things somehow, without fail, end up leading you both to the nearest motel when one of you ends up saying something incredibly reckless and all the other person can do is gape hopelessly, words murdered in cold blood right when they were about to be bailed out from their throat. The rest of a night is a senseless, irresponsible blur, and then?

The rough part begins.

One of you is going to leave in the next thirty minutes if Wonwoo's doing his gut arithmetic right. He wished he sucked at math sometimes, he really did.

However, he blinks a bit. Something feels off, something feels different. You're not leaving (is it his turn this time..?). Instead, you're turning around, eyes vulnerable and still blown a little wide as you touch his hair with a flavour of fondness he could not imitate even if he tried his damndest to.

He freezes for only a second before his lips seek yours out of habit. He truly loathes the way he groans at how much it affects him, but what else is he supposed to do when he knows you're trying to hold back that little sound you make when you get desperate for him? He's almost willing to let you take the lead because he feels like his system is going into overdrive, willing to let you finally ruin whatever's left of him, but sanity prevails by a hanging thread as he takes back control from you with a firm hand on your jaw. His grip is gentle unlike earlier, and despite knowing you like it when he's mean to you, his eyes shine with something completely different when he breaks the kiss for a moment to take in everything he can about you right now and burn this anomaly into his memory.

(Because what else will he be ever be able to think of on every single cold, miserable night for many years to come after that look you gave him before he kissed you? That look that made it look like you still loved him, why did you have to do that?)

You're staring at him like you've been burned, and he's trying his absolute best not to flinch away when he sees raw, unabashed hurt begin to filter through your soft irises.

"Don't look at me like that." You start.

"Like what?"

"Like you-", you gulp nervously, eyes quickly losing the content sheen radiating off of you earlier.

"-like you actually want me or something."

Externally, the tenderness in his eyes is instantly replaced by whatever the fuck he usually looks like, but internally, he's trying his best not to scream. Your words are unfair, cruel even. How can the one person who knows him like the back of their hand not grasp the one fundamental truth that makes up his very core?

The alarm system inside his head built just for you tells him you feel sick, just like he does. He knows you've gleaned that much as well, and makes no effort to stop you as you slip out of the bed with the sheets hugging your chest in one fluid motion.

"I feel so sick, Wonwoo."

"I know."

Your heart is as tangled up as his is, and no matter how many times the both of you manage to land into each other's arms, neither of you seem to be capable of unravelling the other without tearing everything apart.

He watches you collect yourself before turning to him, face stone cold, with eyes that now look foreign to him as you deliver the parthian shot.

"I think that I should go."

[stusbunker]

Spotless: Intro

Chapter One

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Reader

Word Count: 1375

Warnings, etc: Mutual pining, assumed unrequited feelings, mild drug use, unbeta'd

Series Masterlist

Banner courtesy of @cafekitsune

You woke up overthinking. Like continuing a conversation with yourself from your dreams, the thoughts steamrolled you into consciousness. The band was in the studio for at least another week and you had to make sure the anticipation continued to build. You had a call scheduled at nine with the record label, Bobby and some other folks who you knew by name but not by face or voice.

It was going to be a long day.

It had already been a long year and the comeback after the last tour’s fallout had felt like your sole duty. They were still solid, still ready to rock-n-roll, you just had to make sure the press and the fans knew it. You grabbed your phone off your bedside table and got to work without actually getting vertical. You checked your email, the usual rotation of social media and then finally your text messages.

Sam had sent you a link to the podcast he had been talking about the last time you’d been over to his and Dean’s place for movies, which was probably two weeks too late to still be relevant, but you added it to your library anyway. Charlie had gone on a rant about a failed side quest on her latest D&D campaign and then started planning a fantasy getaway for after the tour that wasn’t even completely scheduled yet. You didn’t reply, because you needed more caffeine in your system to keep up with her.

Then there were some random complaints about Ash and Kevin from Dean. Amongst all that there was his usual checking in and an obnoxious picture showcasing the absurd size of Ash’s bong. You groaned because Dean’s eyes in the picture were glassy and amused, but also so, so distracting. His little stoned smile always did things to you.

At least he was having fun while he was laying down tracks.

You looked your fill and then went on to the next notification on your phone. Dean and his band, Phantom Traveler, might be your employers, but they were still your friends and fawning all over the man that a good chunk of the Western world did wasn’t going to get you anywhere.

Not in this lifetime.

Your alarm buzzed, breaking the quiet of your bedroom and the illusion of a lack of responsibility. You groaned and threw off your covers. Now or never, you told yourself, and got up to start your day.

“And with the losses from last time, we need something more than just your word that we are going to make up the difference,” Crowley tacked on at the end of his spiel.

Bobby, who apparently was stuck on the 405, looked like he was going to cuss him out at any moment and you couldn’t blame him. The Zoom call had gone about as well as you had anticipated and it wasn’t over. You had enough experience to keep your face neutral, however Bobby had neither the fucks to give or the interest in maintaining civility.

“How about three platinum albums over the past twelve years?!”

Every corporate stooge winced at Bobby’s indignation, except Crowley who seemed to be delighted about it somehow. 

“We understand that Mr. Singer—- we just want our ducks in a row. Now if we can get Dean on board with some more one-on-one interviews and positive exposure. We think we can hit our pre-sale targets to ensure a longer touring schedule,” Zachariah Adler smarmed on.

“And what would that prove?” Bobby asked, protective of his boys as always.

“That you have your dog on a leash,” Crowley butt in.

“More like workhorse the way you folks are talking about him,” Bobby muttered, though you still heard him over the sound of traffic.

You had to say something. “If— we get Dean to agree, and you get your extended tour. We want more flexibility on the next album. It’s the final one in the contract and if you want Phantom Traveler to remain the face of Crossroads it would be mutually beneficial to give them some room to work.”

“That’s not really your stipulation to make Ms. Y/L/N,” Dick Roman pointed out.

Your face burned with the reprimand, but you held your chin high.

“Like hell it ain't. Anything Y/N says, I say too,” Bobby barked.

Crowley looked bored at that point. And you really didn’t want to butt in or add to your embarrassment. But no one was saying anything.

“Does that work for everyone then?” You looked at these corporate stooges in the digital eye and fought for the band, for Dean. Despite having very little in the idea of the how of it all.

Zachariah spoke first, because of course he did. “If Mr. Winchester were to agree and we see an improvement in image by the end of the year— I think that could definitely be arranged.”

Bobby huffed, but remained silent. 

You watched Crowley’s eyes dance between the other record company execs and the intensity of his mischievousness grew. “I’d love to see how you handle that— get back to me when you have something solid and we’ll be in touch.”

“That works for us,” you replied firmly, not giving into his apparent doubts on your abilities. You were a nepo-hire, everyone there knew it. But it didn’t mean you weren’t very good at your job.

“Alright— I’ve got a recording session to get to. If that’s everything—” Bobby trailed off and watched as the trio from the label became even more affronted.

“I’d like a solid date for follow up,” Dick tossed out, in a clear final challenge, but everyone knew the meeting was over.

“Recording is underway, but I’d say we’d be able to touch base by the middle of December,” you added, pretending to check the calendar.

“Stellar, you see to that,” Dick replied.

“Thank you, thank you all,” you added.

“Good talk.” Dick closed his window. You waited in the open meeting as Crowley and Zachariah said their goodbyes, watching Bobby as he looked at the ceiling of his car and ended the call for good.

“Alright then,” you muttered as you closed Zoom and tried to come to grips with what you had just promised. What you had asked for, completely unprompted.

You looked at your laptop and decided you needed to step away and clear your head. You grabbed your phone off your desk and your earbuds, heading to the corner of your office and your stationary bike. Because if anything screamed escaping to a mountain trail ride, it was this moment and the month ahead of you.

You set your usual course and tapped onto one of your workout playlists, letting the music wash over you as you pedaled toward the warm up hills. Dean wasn’t going to go along with this easily, everyone knew that. But he had come so far over the last year and you hoped that included an openness to what was best for the band, even if it meant swallowing some of his pride.

Despite what he said on the call, you knew you had to get Bobby on board. You just had to have something to sell him, a hook. Something he wouldn’t think of as a threat to Dean or the band as a whole. Something he wouldn’t want to poke too hard, just because he could.

Bobby was a naturally curious old codger, but one thing that was always guaranteed to make him wash his hands of a situation was anybody’s love life. He had no fucks to give about who was fucking who. Not all of Lee and Pam’s ongoing drama, not Sam’s summer-long tryst with the little brunette from the Yellow Eyes label, not even when Cas hooked up with the reporter for Rolling Stone mid-interview. 

Okay. That you could work with.

Somebody who could increase public opinion and be down to be Dean’s arm candy. And suddenly an evil idea crossed your mind, something so wrong and so right that you lost your footing and the bike safety locked on you as you said a very dejected ‘fuck’ out loud to your empty apartment.

You had your answer, now you just had to make it happen.

Tagging: @deans-spinster-witch @mrswhozeewhatsis @cosicas-cuquis @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @suckitands33

Chapter Two: Measure

[chiriwritesstuff]

Meet Me at the Farmers Market - A Christmas Special - 🎅 Santa's Baby ❄️

A Farmers Market! Joel AU x Confident! Plus Sized! F! Reader

Series Masterlist

Series Summary: What does a Contractor do in his spare time? Sell his wood carvings at the Saturday Farmers Market, of course! A Grumpy x Sunshine Joel Miller series collective of one shots

Chapter Rating: T

Word Count: 1.4K

Chapter Warnings & Notes: Explicit language, Miller Family Hijinks, Joel's in a costume, Ellie's in a costume, everyone is in a costume!, Naughty Santa, Tommy just can't help himself, One big-time jump into the future!, Joel is a girl dad through and through, Merry Christmas ya filthy animals!

Summary: What happens when Joel is forced to be the market's resident Santa? This story takes place five years after Pt. 6

A/N: ... and the Miller Family Hijinks™ are back!

In all seriousness, I want to thank everyone who has read, shared, liked, and loved this little series of mine. What came from an insane idea one day working at the farmers market to where we are now, I am so thankful for all of you that has supported me and my silly little series this year! I am so so so happy you all love Farmers Market Joel, and I can't wait to write more for you all! Here is a little Christmas treat set a few years in the future. I hope you all enjoy! Merry Christmas, everyone!

Dividers by @saradika

“Tommy, you fucking owe me… big time.”

Joel shifts uncomfortably in his seat, the cheap polyester of the ill-fitting Santa suit clinging to his bare skin, leaving him itchy beyond belief.  Thank god it’s decently cold in Austin this time of year, he thinks to himself- if I had to do this in 90-degree weather… he pulls at the offending white beard strapped on his face, “Tell me why I’m being held against my will being Santa yet again-“

“Oh, come on, Joel, no swearing in front of the kids!” Tommy teases, slapping his brother's back as he fiddles with the digital camera fixed in front of Joel, making sure that it sits steady on its tripod. “Besides, you certainly look the part, you know. Maybe you could lay off on the after-work beers once in a while.”

“Go fuck yourself, asshole-“

“I thought we were going to try not to bicker and cuss each other out this year?” Sarah suddenly interjects, an elf hat fixed on her head as she smooths out her elf costume. She smirks, turning to a not-too-pleased Ellie in her costume, muttering to herself about getting paid to endure the torture of volunteering for the annual Christmas festival at the market. “Oh Ellie, you look so-“

“Stupid? Because I feel like a moron-" she chides, stomping next to Tommy as she fiddles with the camera. Tommy whacks her hands away as he shoos her off. “This is so fucking embarrassing! At least Joel doesn’t have to wear a pillow under that suit-“

Three of the four Millers burst into laughter, Joel glaring at them as he shakes his head. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, glad y'all are having a blast at my expense… next time Maria asks for a Santa, you-“ he points at Tommy, his face still red from laughing, “as her husband, should volunteer yourself-“

“… but you wear the suit so well, brother! Besides, I’m sure Sunflower would love for you to climb up her chimney…” Tommy interjects with a mischievous grin, sending the group into another fit of laughter.

“Oh gross!” Ellie shrieks, “Please tell me you’re going to burn that suit afterward!”

“Okay Millers, are you ready?!” Maria claps her hands together as she approaches, a wide smile on her face as she pushes Tommy aside, settling herself behind the camera. “Got all of the swear words out of your system? Let’s get into our places, there’s a lot of antsy kids waiting for Santa, we can’t keep them waiting, can we!”

Joel adjusts the too-big Santa trousers once more and gives her a thumbs up. “Okay, Let’s get this shit over with!”

“Dad, your beard is crooked,” Sarah laughs, reaching over to fiddle with the fake beard and kissing his cheek. “For the record, you are the best Santa the market has ever seen…”

“… and yet, this doesn’t mean that you’re getting a new car-“

“… she’s going to love it,” Sarah cuts him off, a small smile on her face. “Besides, don’t you think she’ll be happy to see you all dressed up?”

Joel smiles at that, nodding. “I hope so, I’m doing this just for her, you know?”

“Yeah, Dad, I know.” His eldest daughter laughs, “You’re going to kill it!”  

After what feels like forever, families keep streaming in as the day goes on. Kids of all shapes and sizes take their turns on Joel's lap—some looking terrified, others just thrilled to meet Santa. Thankfully, the line finally starts thinning out as the last hour of the festival approaches.

Joel, finally catching a break, stands up to stretch. He twists his back, and you can practically hear his body protesting in agony. "I'm getting too old for this shit," he sighs, frowning.  

"Excuse me, Santa," a little voice calls out from behind. "Is it my turn?"

Joel can't help but smile as he turns around, facing a little girl, no older than four, her head tilted to the side. She sports a wide grin and a pink beanie atop her head, her brown hair fashioned in charming braids, holding her mother's hand. "Sure, baby girl. Come to Santa!" Joel exclaims, settling back into his sleigh. He pats his thigh invitingly, the girl's mother giving you a knowing wink as she carries her onto Joel's lap.

“So, have you been a good girl this year?”

The girl beams at him, bouncing up and down as she nods. "Yes! I water all the plants at my mommy’s stand-" she points off into the distance, "and my daddy said that if I’m a good girl, he’s going to teach me to carb animals too!" She exclaims, "Just like my sisters! I’m a big girl now, that’s why!"

"Is that right? How old are you now?"

She holds up four little fingers. "I’m FOR!"

"... and what’s your name, pretty girl?" Joel asks with a twinkle in his eye.

“I’m Anna Miller!” she replies, her hand raised in excitement. “You can call me Annie! My mommy and daddy sell stuff at the market, do you know them?”

“I might,” Joel replies knowingly, giving her mother a wink. “Your daddy tells me that you have been very good this year!” Joel plays along, a conspiratorial smile shared between you and him. The enchantment of the moment continues as Annie beams with joy at the confirmation from Santa himself.

“Really?” she cries, “I’m so happy, I want to learn how to make my favorite animal, my daddy promised! He’s not here today,” she pouts, “it’s just me and mommy! I miss him. Mommy said he’s busy working his other job, do you think daddy is going to come to the market before it closes?”

“Well, baby girl,” Joel smiles as he winks at her mother once more, “as Santa, I can promise you that he’s going to be here, I’ll make sure of it. What’s your daddy’s name?” Joel continues the charade, eager to sprinkle a bit more magic into his daughter's day.

“Joel! My daddy’s name is Joel Miller! Do you know him?!”

“I sure do!” Joel replies, patting her back as Maria takes a photo of the two of them. “We are really good friends, you know?”

Anna turns back to you as you stifle a laugh. “Mommy, did you know Daddy is friends with Santa?! All of my friends are going to be jealous! Can you call Daddy and tell him his friend is here?” She leaps off of Joel's lap, running to you as you hike her up onto your hip. Joel hurriedly rips off the Santa costume, leaving him in his undershirt and jeans as he smirks at his wife and daughter.

"Sure, baby," you coo, looking over your shoulder as you laugh at Joel, giving him a nod, making sure the coast is clear.  

"Hey, baby," he says from behind, his daughter squirming in your grasp.

"Daddy!" she shrieks, wiggling herself from Sunflower as she barrels into Joel. "You're here!" She frowns as she takes him in, her lip wobbling as she starts to cry.

Joel looks at you in horror, turning his attention back to his daughter as she cries in his arms, moving her back and forth as he attempts to console her. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"Daddy, why do you have Santa's beard on you?" Annie innocently replies, pulling on the cheap beard as Ellie erupts in laughter from behind, Sarah whacking her sister as she tries to get her to settle down. "Are you old like Santa?"

"It's okay, baby," Tommy suddenly appears, his smirk as wide as Tim Curry's from Home Alone. "He's older than him, don't you know? That's why they're such good friends!"

"Oh, go fuck-"

"Language!" you scold Joel, covering your daughter's ears as you approach him, kissing him on the lips. Joel attempts to take off the offensive beard, your hand suddenly halting his movements. "Keep it on," you whisper in his ear, "Maybe Santa might let me sit on his lap later, do you think you can ask him, being that you're such good friends and all?" you tease, pinching his ass. 

"Oh, I think I can convince him," he winks, slapping your ass as you jump in surprise. "Have you been a good girl this year? Or have you been naughty? I think Santa likes them-"

"Gross! Get a room ya filthy animals!" Ellie yells, ripping off her elf hat as she throws it at Tommy, "This is the last time, you hear me?"

[kenaran]

3x07 "Delta-V"

I'm trailing behind again by a whopping five episodes and I'm sorry to say that it's not just because RL is keeping me busy. I'm just not very enthralled by the show right now. Which is disappointing because I've been told so many times how great it is, especially where we're at right now. I really, really want to love this show. More to the point where these recaps are concerned - I don't want to be "trashing" something people very clearly love. Anyway, I'll try not to go overboard, but do consider yourself warned: Not too happy right now.

There's a time jump of about half a year between this episode and the one before that. I'm not too fond of these "medium sized" jumps. (BSG did something similar and back then I was pissed and felt cheated out of a whole lot of storytelling, which my poor flatmate would probably still be able to attest to. The boxing episode - the only one I've ever seen that I liked - helped a lot to sell it to me later on.) I will admit it's mostly a personal preference, but I really don't like losing track of the characters' development like that. Big jumps are fine btw. I guess they're just creating enough of a distance for me to not mind the gaps anymore whereas with the medium jumps I feel like I should know things that I don't. I have no idea whether this makes any sense to anyone but me, but there it is.

Chrisjen is general secretary now. Clearly an improvement for Earth, but - as it turns out over the next set of episodes - not for the show. I miss her as a character, I miss her cussing at everyone, but I also think the different perspective her scenes offered did benefit the show a lot. I'm going to assume she'll return. She'd better... The necklace she's wearing during her speech could easily double as a murder weapon.

The jellyfish has built a huge ring.

The Roci (I guess we don't really care about the pine tree renaming at all) is operating as a standard something ship now with three quarters of her crew while Naomi is off following the call of the Belters. To pay for the trial concerning the status of the ship they've taken on a reporter and a camera man, who any normal person instantly recognizes to be blind whereas I was assuming some weird scifi shenaningans.

Drummer is captain of the Behemoth and kindly asked to take on Irish vibes guy (looks it up: Ashford) as her First Officer, who also brings "you need to get laid" guy (looks that up again too: Diogo). Naomi is chief engineer because of reasons. (I'm a bit miffed we only get part of those way later, but I'll get to that at that point.)

Anna is on board of a ship near the ring as well. Because that's what you do when your family is expecting you back home. More on that later as well - right now she's dancing the line to what is still fine with me.

We get some Amos back story: He won his education spot in a lottery. Nice system there, Earth. And apparently his documentation is less than complete. Which is shady though I heartily approve in the context of this episode because I don't like the reporter.

The Mormon special place on the ship they were looking for previously turns out to be the command center. Thanks for clearing that up.

And some lady named Melba places a bomb on a support ship. Which also means she needs to kill nice tech guy invoking some kind of super powers to do so. To which a heartfelt HUH?!

Crazy ass slingshot pilot makes very unappealing exit from the show thereby activating the ring.

And Miller turns up. With hat.

Jump to next episode

[omega-tech]

not a good day at work

So today (7-9-24) at work, I wasn't having it and I just started doing my paperwork for the line's condition. I am not going to name this employee so i am going to call him joe. Yesterday joe got mad at me for doing a transfer of a roll i didn’t know about of a change over. He yelled at me and told me why I did that. Meanwhile I was asking him what you're yelling at me. He then told me that there was a change over on the line I just transferred, now before I start.

 I knew only three change overs, the first two were a simple change of the batch resin and the other one was a major change over when we had to shut down. The fourth one I didn’t know about after my cell leader told me it was a late change over and a line needed it by the next shift which means an early change over and we’re doing night shift changeover. 

So i told him i didn’t know about it and it wasn’t on the board, and when my cell leader told him that he forgot to tell me since they had three hours to tell me about this change over. All while they were dealing with a lot of air lost and lines going down. We had to bring them up. 

So this brings me to today, when he came to. He told me straight up to “ I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU OR YOU TOUCH A FUCKING THING, I WANT A GOOD AND EASY DAY WITH NO ISSUES”. And this is when I was about to lose it but kept it cool and just looked at him and said ok. Went to my cell leader and told him “if he is going to say what he says, I can’t touch or transfer any rolls on any line while he wants an easy day today. Then he got me fuck up and he can do the job by himself!” and of course my cell leader didn’t do anything so i went to tell my team leader. And she was able to handle this. 

Fast forward the afternoon and he is having a hard day due to lines going down and his change overs are not going to plan, all while me. They put me on a roll spindle area, cut down and prep the spindles. I took a small little break to drink my water and tie my shoe and this fucker decided to tell me “I THROUGH YOU WAS MEXICAN! AIN’T MEXICAN’S SUPPOSED TO GOOD WORKERS, IT SEEMS YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THEM!” and yes i lost it right there and then and cussed his ass out while giving him a middle finger. I reported it to my cell leader and he did nothing “again” so I went back to my team leader.

Now before I say anything more. That day today had me thinking alot of a company that is supposed to be better than my last job which was pactiv. They once worked together until they split due to the ongoing issue of contracts blah blah blah. So they’re not working together. Reynolds, the company I work for, always says “they’re better than pactiv and we treat our employees with love and respect”. Well today there wasn’t love or respect. Both my team leader and cell leader did nothing but separated us again knowing joe said a racist thing to me and offended me. So now I am in a position so I will report this to the supervisor or just quit this job and look for another one. I will be back in that same shit I was last year when no one couldn’t hire me even though I had a good set of skills. 

So tomorrow (7-10-24). I am going to report this and ask to be put in another shift. Because I got a feeling that this group I am in isn’t going to do anything about what happened and then again this is a factory, they only care about one thing. Make profits all while screwing over the employee who is working and making the product. Then supposedly care for their employee. So once i do that, i will work a shit ton of overtime before i quit at the end of the year to go to school for cnc operator or just get my cdl license and be a dump truck driver. I am so finished working at this factory job in my city. I just need to get this out of my system and just try to move on this day. I left pactiv from the abuse and piss poor managerment after i work their for sixteen years and those fuckers didn’t want me to move up to be a c-operator so i can make the good money and to get to my goals to buy a house. Yet they give the jobs to their family and friends. And since I left, that company is going to hell and shits all while I was thinking I was at a good place but nope. I am in the same position I was in but in a different environment and space. But I just hope I reach my life goals and be at a better place. Next year.

[justanotherfanwriter]

Research Buddies

"Oh?" Willow's eyebrows furrowed, "Where's Luz and Amity? You're all by yourself."

Hunter looked up briefly from the book he was pouring over to acknowledge her entrance before going back to his notes, "Out. They wanted to go back to the lake. I told them it was a waste of time, so I decided to stay here--" He gestured to the pile of books and notes that made up their research "--and actually be productive."

"They didn't tell me or Gus they were going," Willow frowned, "did you three, uh, figure something out or--?"

"No," He shook his head with the curt reply, "no, we haven't, and it's really starting to pi--" he paused mid-word and cleared his throat, "--make me mad."

Willow snorted, sitting down at the kitchen table opposite him, "You know, Ms. Camila isn't here right now. You can cuss if you want." She leaned in with a smile, "I promise I won't tell on you."

A ghost of a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, "Noted, Captain."

She laughed, propping her head up with one of her fists in thought, "Gosh, I miss Flyer Derby. It'll be nice when we get to play it again."

Her smile fell when a dark look passed over Hunter's face, and he pulled another book from the pile next to him. The only way she knew he wasn't flat out ignoring her was the half-assed 'm'hm' as he scribbled out some notes on a separate piece of paper.

"Wellll," She drawled, reaching for a book, "I don't have work today, so why don't I give you a hand! What're we looking for?"

His hand shot out to stop her, "No, you don't have to. You should go keep Gus company."

Willow pressed her lips into a thin line, searching his face. He looked no less tired and guilty than when they first entered the human world, but she supposed Luz and Amity didn't either. The three of them were keeping her and Gus at arm's length. When they did allow them to help, they sent her and Gus on pointless errands that Gus deemed "busy work to keep them away." Willow tried staying optimistic about it, but the more time stretched on, the more obvious it became.

And it was frustrating. Willow didn't understand why the three of them wouldn't let them help, but they just weren't. She and Gus were left in the dark most of the time, grasping at straws, trying to be useful but always falling flat.

It made her miserable.

She was a good witch. Gus was even better. She knew they could help, but anytime they offered, another distraction was thrown their way.

The only person Willow felt she was helping--if only slightly--was Ms. Camila. Fifteen-year-olds were allowed to work where Luz lived in the human world, and when Willow found out, she immediately sought out a job. If Gus or her (or even Vee) wanted something, Willow had the petty cash to buy it without bothering Luz's mother. Ms. Camila swore Willow didn't need to, but it made Willow feel better about taking up space in her home.

She worked part-time at a gardening center within walking distance of the Noceda residence. The grumpy owner hadn't been too keen on hiring "a rotten teenager," but Willow had quickly proved her green thumb around the place.

While her boss didn't know she was a plant witch, it certainly helped her get the job, though not by much. It was like magic in the human realm was muted in a way. Not entirely gone, but not entirely there. She could feel the magic like a quiet hum running through the root systems of this world. If she concentrated hard enough, she could almost hear it sing. But she still wasn't strong enough to access it fully. So for now, she conquered little things, like coaxing an out-of-season flower into full bloom.

When she had asked the others if they felt it, only Gus had explained he sometimes felt a little "pull" but heard no hum and certainly no singing. They theorized it was because she specialized in plant magic, and there were plenty of plants in the human realm. No abomination goo, though, so Amity was out of luck.

Hunter had encouraged her to keep meditating on the feeling.

"It could come in handy," he explained before shooing her and Gus away from the trio.

"They're like the A-team," Gus had complained later that day as she tried enchanting a weed for Vee to feed off of, "and they're treating us like the lame B-team!"

She had tried her best to ignore Gus then, asking to borrow his magnifier to see if that would help, but now, watching Hunter, it was all she could think about.

"Gus is with Vee and her friends," Willow sighed, dropping her hand away from the books, "he's been down, so Vee decided to take him to an appliance shop to look at the microwaves."

"He's been down?" Hunter echoed, and his gaze dropped back down to his book. Something steeled in his expression as he reached for his pen.

"Of course," She replied, watching him work, "he's worried about his dad and doesn't feel like he's been much help to anyone."

"He shouldn't worry about helping," Hunter sniffed, pressing his pen hard onto the paper as he wrote, "he's fine. He just needs to stay safe."

She crossed her arms over her chest, accusation in her tone, "why shouldn't he worry about that? It's not like we can even read a dumb book without someone turning us away. It's demeaning."

His hand stilled for a moment, and he observed her from underneath his eyelashes. It struck her again how peculiar the color of his eyes was. His eyes made her wonder about the obtuse things Gus had murmured to her after their run-in with the Illusion Coven Head. But unfortunately, they hadn't had time to revisit the rushed conversation.

All she knew was Hunter was more than he claimed to be. For the most part, though, she forgot the conversation with Gus had even happened until she caught Hunter staring at her long enough for her to think about his eye color.

"It's not your mistake to fix, Willow," He said with a grave voice.

"Ah, I see." Willow deadpanned, nodding her head, "And I'm assuming it's yours then?"

He nodded, "And Luz's."

"And Amity's?" She tacked on, quirking an eyebrow at him. He scowled, returning to his work.

"No, it's not hers, but those two," He rolled his eyes, "it's like they share a brain. Two halves of one whole idiot."

"Never listen to me," He grumbled under his breath as he flipped rather aggressively to the next page of his book.

She tsked, realizing that this was Hunter's signal that he had moved on from the conversation. Sometimes it was very easy talking to him; sometimes, it was like pulling teeth. He had been through a lot, she understood that, but at this point, she didn't know if he'd ever trust her enough to tell her what was actually wrong.

Frustrated, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She didn't know everything that led up to and went down during the Day of Unity; that was evident. And she didn't think anyone would tell her the truth until the worst possible moment, which she now recognized as the pattern. But Willow wanted to be helpful. She wanted to share Luz, Amity, and Hunter's burdens. She didn't want them to feel so alone, and she was sick and tired of waiting for their permission to help.

So, when she opened her eyes, she reached for another book.

"Willow," Hunter warned, not even looking up from his work, "don't."

She ignored him with a hmph and snatched up a book before he could stop her.

"Willow!" he hissed, lunging across the table.

She whacked his hand away from her, tilting her chair onto its back legs so she could lean further away from his grasp.

"Excuse me," She snapped, and he glared at her, "this book has nothing to do with your research. It's for my own."

"Yeah, and what are you researching, huh?" He scowled.

She turned her nose up at him, "I don't know why I have to tell you if you won't bother to tell me what you're reading about, but because I'm nice and like to include my friends in my interest, I'll be researching native fauna."

"Oh! Very helpful," He snorted, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

"It is," She sniffed, trying to cover up her pout. She knew it wasn't very intimidating. She opened the book, flipping through the pages until she landed on Snapdragons. "See these flowers here? They're perennials common in both the Human realm and the Boiling Isle. They're easy for me to conjure here, while plants native to the Human realm and only the Human realm are not."

"You three," she continued, "are always going on about some lake. I'm assuming from the little you all tell us, there's something about them that act like portals--" She looked up at Hunter for confirmation, but his face stayed annoyingly blank, "--if that's true, and those lakes share some kind of connection to home, they must also share some sort of plant life."

"And what?" Hunter asked with a tired sigh, "Are you going to conjure up some seaweed and make a portal that way?"

"No," She glared, "Conjuring these kinds of similar plants isn't the only thing that's easier. I can also hear them in a way, and if I figure out what water plants the human world has in common with the Boiling Isle--"

"--you can find the right lake." Hunter finished with a breathless laugh, "That's genius!"

She puffed up a little with the praise, happy to be the cause of his smile, "I'm glad you think so."

"Of course," Hunter shook his head, sorting through his books, "it was right under our noses the whole time. I have a few maps of the town. The ones online match up pretty well with those from the seventeenth century, but some lakes are manmade now and probably won't work. If I can pin down which lakes we should be looking at, Luz and Amity can pin down the rest of what we need. This..." he trailed off, looking down at his chaotic stack of books, "...this could actually be something."

Hoped swelled in her chest, and she held tighter onto the little gardening book like it was a lifeline.

"You mean we can track down the correct lake," She corrected him, "this isn't just yours and Luz's problem. It's mine and Gus's too."

"Will--"

"I want to help, Hunter, and this--" she cracked the book back open, "--is how I can do it."

It took all of her concentration to keep her eyes on the page instead of on him. The more invested she looked in the pages of the book, the harder she hoped it would be for him to make her leave.

A moment later, she heard him sit back down, opening up one of his maps, which would have brought her some relief if she didn't still feel his eyes on her.

"Stare at me like that all you want, but I'm not leaving this spot."

She looked up just long enough from her book to see the color bloom on his face to the tips of his ears, embarrassed--or maybe mad, she didn't know--that his "staring" plan had been thwarted. She wanted to tell him that she was used to it by now. He had a tendency to stare, and it had never once been intimidating, but she kept the thought to herself.

For whatever reason, she didn't mind his staring.

"I wasn't staring," He huffed, his attention snapping back to his book, "I was just uh...looking at the wall behind you, duh, obviously."

"Obviously," She mocked, a smile spreading across her face as she turned to the next page.

[sunmoonandeddie]

and he kissed me right here

pairing: modern!bucky barnes x reader

word count: 6,100

summary: I've always been sure that all I ever wanted was a glamorous life.

warnings: Cuss words, mentions of the Afghanistan war (Bucky is a veteran), angst, happy ending, cheesy romantic confessions, age gap

a/n:  This is based on the song 'Stars and the Moon' from Songs for a New World! It's the first one shot in my musical series! This is written in first perspective, but there is no physical description or use of a name in this!

Twenty-Two

I sighed as I tossed a few more dirty plates into the dish window, wiping my brow. After a shitty dinner rush and an even shittier rush around two in the morning consisting only of drunk ass college kids looking for some sort of carb to suck up all the alcohol in their systems, I was ready to go the fuck home.

“Sweetheart, you head on home now,” the head chef insisted as he watched my head nod slightly as I tried my best to fight off sleep. “Ain’t nobody comin’ in before Melissa gets here. No point in you staying on your feet any longer.”

Louis was a godsend. At sixty-seven years old, you’d think he would rather be anywhere but a diner at almost four in the morning.

“Nah,” he had said when I’d asked him a few months after I’d first started. “My Ginny died a few years back, and since she’s been gone, I don’t really have the stomach to sit around that house all alone.” He had laughed, but there’d been a deep sorrow that had come over his deep brown eyes. “Kids are worried, but… Sleeping the day away is better than laying up at night staring at her side of the bed…”

“You sure, Lou?” I asked even as I headed for the back room where all the employees clocked in and kept their possessions in their own little cubbies. I did my checkout in view of the security camera, just like always. I didn’t want anyone to be able to say I stole anything.

Everyone who knew me knew that I wouldn’t, but I’d worked at two many places where the girls tried backstabbing each other and sabotaging everyone else to get them fired.

Though people were a lot nicer in Louisiana than any of the other places I’d lived.

Louis chuckled as he set a to-go box in the window, nodding towards it. “Mmhm. Long as Buck is getting you home safe.”

I gave him a joking eye roll as I took the to-go box gratefully, grinning at my name written in all caps with green Sharpie on top. “You know you don’t have to make me dinner every night.”

“Yes, I do,” he said, shooting me a look. “How else do I know you’re getting enough food in you, huh?” He pointed his rag at me. “Now you go ask him to get you home. Tell him I said he can clock out, and that he’s supposed to text me when he sees you safe inside. You better not say you’re gonna ask him again just to walk yourself home.” The old man shook his head as I headed for the back door, muttering to himself, “Damn girl thinks I’m gonna believe she’s feeding herself good enough when she’s risking her damn ass walking home alone.”

Despite the fact that I’d put off asking for Bucky Barnes’s service, I really did appreciate how fiercely Louis cared about me.

It had been a real long time since anyone had cared so much.

I hesitated at the back door of the diner, my hand resting against the cool metal.

What if he said no?

Granted, he most likely wouldn’t. But what if he said yes, and he secretly thought me some dumb little girl that couldn’t take care of herself?

What did I care if he thought that?

“I don’t care what he thinks of me,” I huffed as I straightened my shoulders, holding my chin a little higher.

“Stop talking to yourself and get going!”

I jumped in surprise, before shooting a glare in the direction of the kitchen. “Stop listening in on my private conversations!” I demanded before storming outside with new found vigor.

Only to freeze when Bucky looked up from where he was sitting on the curb, smoking a cigarette.

God, he was handsome.

“You okay, doll face?” He asked, his New York accent a sharp contrast to the southern drawls you were used to.

“Um… Y-Yeah,” I said faintly, glancing back at the door that I’d come in from. “Um… L-Louis wants me to ask you… Can you walk me home? Or give me a ride? I don’t… I don’t know if you drive…”

“I do drive.”

“O-Oh. Okay. Great.”

“But I don’t have my car on me.”

I peered at him curiously. “Oh. Um… I can just walk by myself. I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna be a nuisance…”

He stood up, tossing his cigarette to the ground and stomping it out. “Don’t be ridiculous, darlin.’ Come on. I’ll walk you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets as he began to head for the street. “Besides… It’s a real nice night.”

“Oh…,” I said in surprise at how ready he was to be of service. “Okay. But only if you’re sure.”

A faint smile graced his lips as he glanced at the ground, letting out a faint chuckle that rumbled deep in his chest. “I’m sure, darlin.’ But you gotta lead the way.”

I was surprised by the rapid pitter patter of my heart beat as we walked side by side down the street, the chorus of ‘Yellow Brick Road’ getting stuck in my head on a loop.

Bucky was an enigma that I found myself wondering about more often than not, but I always ended up talking myself out of going there. After all, he was an older man. A much older man. At least fifteen years older than my own twenty-two years, or something along those lines, not that he looked it. The man looked like some kind of rugged Greek god. Like Hades if Hades was born in the eighties. His dog tags clinked together under his shirt as we walked, his metal prosthetic glinting in the moon.

“So how did you end up in NOLA?”

It took me a moment to even realize that he was talking to me, my heart skipping a beat and my face going hot in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” I asked.

His bright blue eyes flickered over to look me over. “How’d you end up in New Orleans?”

“I actually don’t know,” I snorted, avoiding his eyes as I kicked at a few broken up pieces of asphalt. “I just… Picked a bus ticket and ended up in one of the Carolinas. Then I picked another bus ticket and ended up in Minnesota. And then I picked another, and another, and another, and then I actually just… ended up here.” The months I’d spent alone on those Greyhounds felt both so long ago and also like it was just yesterday. “The diner was the first place someone recommended for food that’s good but cheap, and as I was eating my mountain of cheese fries, I saw the flyer that said they were hiring. So here I am now…”

“Huh,” he said, his brows furrowed. “I didn’t take you for the type of person to run off on your own… riding buses all over the country…”

Head tilting to the side, I gave him a long look. “You didn’t? What kind of type did you peg me for?”

Bucky gave me a long look, a single brow raised as though silently telling me that I jumped to conclusions. “Just that jumping from place to place can take a lot outta someone,” he said slowly, his voice low and soothing. “Hell, if you were my girl—” He broke off as his cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink, his long hair falling in his face.

I swore my heart had stopped inside of my chest, and I swallowed thickly around the lump in my throat. “Oh?”

He rushed to try to correct his wording. “I-I just mean, a lady should be comfortable. And if I had a g-girl like you, well… You’d never want for anything,” he stammered, stumbling over his words like a flustered school boy. “Hell, I… I’d give you the stars and the moon…”

I was shocked into silence, staring up at him like he was the sun itself. “Bucky…”

“No, no, don’t say anything. I… I know that was a lot,” he insisted quietly, unable to meet your eyes as he stared up at the shitty apartment building you called home. “Hell, you probably don’t want a gross old man hitting on you.” His metal hand, glinting in the low light of the street lamp, reached up to brush against my cheek for just a moment before it quickly dropped. “Just let me walk you home each night so I can make sure you’re safe, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I breathed out, unable to take my eyes off of him as he took a few steps back.

There’s a somewhat playful smirk on his lips as he watched me stumble up the steps, continuously glancing back at him. “Goodnight, baby doll.”

“Goodnight,” I said, barely audible before I finally headed inside.

Bucky kept his word. He walked me home every night, and honestly, there wasn’t a moment that I wasn’t thinking about what he had said, about if I was his girl.

What if I was his girl?

But… with that meant I’d have to give up the life I’d dreamed for myself. I wanted luxury, to never worry about bills or where I was gonna get my next meal or if I could afford to buy the nice work shoes or if I could only get the cheap ones that would fall apart in three months and then I’d just be right back where I started.

I wanted the life that celebrities lived. Hell, I wanted to go to parties on the same yachts the Kardashian-Jenners did, even if I couldn’t fucking stand them.

And with Bucky… I wouldn’t have that.

“So why’d you go on the run anyway?” Bucky asked one night as we sat on the curb, eating ice cream in the Louisiana heat. “I know you told me how you got here, but you’ve never told me why.”

“You’ve never told me how you ended up here or why either,” I shot back, nudging his shoulder with my own.

Somehow the age difference seemed non-existent as we sat there. Honestly, I felt like we were just a bunch of dumb teenagers, shooting the shit and enjoying each other’s company.

Bucky took in a deep breath, his shoulders sinking in a way that made it look like he had all the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I was over in Afghanistan for a long time,” he admitted quietly. “When the war first started, I was 19. I had no idea where my life was going and I had no options except my dad’s mechanic shop. So I enlisted with my best friend, Steve. The one I told you about.”

It’s completely silent except for the sound of an occasional car horn off in the distance.

“Neither one of us knew what we were doing. We realized very quickly that we had no reason being over there, but… but there was nothing else,” he said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. The ice cream he was holding was melting in his trembling hands. “I didn’t know how to do anything else, so I stayed. Steve moved up in the ranks, but I stayed pretty low… I didn’t mind. Kinda liked being the older guy all those young kids could talk to, could rely on… Because they were just like me, getting into a fight that wasn’t theirs because they had nothing else.”

My heart was shattering inside my chest as I scooted a little closer, my knee knocking against his as I tried to give him some sort of silent comfort. He’d been through Hell and made it through.

Bucky let his head rest against mine, his eyes closing as he breathed in the scent of my perfume. “They eventually moved me to some kind of specialized team… Called us the Howling Commandos. I found out that Steve was heading it and he picked me to be part of it. That’s how I met Sam, because he was on some sort of similar team with the Air Force, except it was just him and his friend, Riley,” he continued, taking a bite of his chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. “I am proud to say that I didn’t kill a single person while I was over there. I just couldn’t. Hell, they’re people just like me, terrified and unsure of what’s going to happen.” His lips pressed against my forehead, letting it linger. “But then about five years ago, I was on a mission with the Commandos, Sam, and Riley, and… this bomb went off while we were playing a game of soccer. I wasn’t even in a fight. That thing took my arm and it took Riley.”

Tentatively, I let my fingers find his, holding his hand and squeezing reassuringly.

“Sam decided to come home with me.” There was a forlorn look in his eyes, as though he was right back at that game of pick-up soccer. “After losing Riley… he couldn’t find a reason to be over there. And then Steve decided to stay, and hell, he’s still over there, leading that fucking team…” Glassy baby blue eyes finally found mine, the both of us doing our best to not cry. “I couldn’t face my family for a long time, so Sam asked me to come stay in Louisiana with him and his family, and I haven’t left since.”

“Have you gone to see your family?” I asked slowly, almost like I was scared I’d frighten him if I spoke too loudly, like a wild animal. “Let them know where you are? That you’re safe?”

He turned to look at me, his baby blues shining. “You worried about me, baby doll?”

“I can’t help it,” I said honestly, unable to tear my eyes away. I hadn’t opened up to someone like that in so damn long. “I can’t help but worry about you.”

The way that I felt about Bucky absolutely terrified me, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. It snuck up on me, like a train coming around a bend.

I hated it.

“What do you want out of this life?” Bucky asked on one walk home, his arm linked in mine. He’d become so much more… tactile. If anyone took a moment to look at us, they’d think we were a couple on a romantic stroll.

Perhaps we were.

But I couldn’t help but grin as I looked up at the sky, taking in the warm air. “I wanna live like how the movie stars do… I want a big house on the beach and twenty cars and a yacht and… and…”

He looked at me long and hard. “And you never wanna have to worry about where your next meal is coming from, if you’re gonna have a place to sleep at night…”

For some reason, I’d felt a bolt of panic over whether or not he’d understand. Whether or not he’d think differently of me, but I should’ve known that he wouldn’t. Hell, he knew me better than anyone else.

“You understand,” I said quietly, my hand squeezing his bicep gratefully. “I want to live how the other half lives for once. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

A small smile graced his features as we shuffled along. “There isn’t. But… What about love?” He asked.

“Love?”

“Love.”

Love.

Could I even have love? Did I want it?

“I don’t know if there’s a lot of room for love in my plans,” I admitted after a long moment. “In my experience, love has always just been a lie. A word used to manipulate and eventually abuse.”

Letting out a snort, he let his fingers tickle down my tricep until his fingers intertwined with mine. “I’d show you it’s not… I’d show you what real love is,” he said. “I’d give you every part of me, give you all my strength to help you grow into who you wanna be, even if I don’t particularly care about being famous or rich…” He brought my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “I’ll give you a love story, a life, that’s a million times better than any recycled Hollywood plot… I’ll give you the stars and the moon, if you would just let me.”

I hated the way that he made my heart beat faster, the way my breath hitched. “Jamie,” I breathed out quietly, the two of us having stopped in our tracks to just… take each other in. Live in each other’s presence for a moment. “I…”

“You want a big life… one a lot bigger than little old me,” he said simply, shrugging. His blue eyes were so honest, so loving. So warm. A warmth I hadn’t ever experienced before. “I know. But that doesn’t change that I’m in love with you. And if you ever change your mind…” Bucky reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card, pressing it into my free hand. “This is where you can find me. I figure it’s time for me to go home.”

We’d come to a stop in front of my building, and I was shocked at how tight my chest felt. My eyes watered as I stared at him long and hard. “Jamie, please… I⏤”

“Don’t say it. It’s okay,” he insisted as he cupped my cheek, letting his thumb run over my skin as though he was memorizing it. “I just want you to be happy, darling. You got that?” His lips pressed to my forehead, letting it linger. “Go get that life you’ve been dreaming of.”

Twenty-Three

I left New Orleans the next day, grabbing a bus ticket after throwing all of my belongings into my old duffel bag. It was time to move on.

But God, did it hurt.

I didn’t stop crying for weeks, fighting the urge to go right back to Louisiana and tell Bucky to take it back, to get him to beg me to stay with him.

But what kind of life would that leave me with? Working in the diner day after day? Never getting anywhere?

But you’d have James, a voice inside my head reminded me snarkily.

Then again, he most likely wasn’t even in New Orleans anymore, if what he said was true when he gave me the business card of his father’s mechanic shop. Was he really planning on going home to New York City?

A few months later, and I’d worked my way all through the southwest to Santa Fe, where I met Pietro.

My heart was pounding as I pressed in the familiar numbers, having memorized them from the business card now soft and faded from how often I held it in my hands like a lifeline. “Come on… Pick up… Pick up…”

“Barnes Tires and Motors, this is George,” a man said in a gruff voice when he finally picked up. “How can I help you?”

“H-Hi, is James there? James Barnes? Bucky?” I stammered out, hands trembling so bad that the old payphone was almost rattling.

There was a pause, and then muffled talking away from the phone.

And then I heard it being picked up. “This is Bucky,” he said.

It felt like the wind had been knocked right out of my lungs. How had I gone so long without hearing his voice?

Breathing in sharply, I tried to figure out the words to say. But my throat was dry and it was like I’d suddenly forgotten the entire English language.

That was all that it took for Bucky to realize it was me. “Baby doll? Baby doll, is that you?” He asked quietly. “I…” He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “You don’t gotta say a thing, sweetheart… But just know that if you’re in trouble or you need help or… or anything at all, you better call me…” His voice wavered, as though he was fighting tears just like I was. “God, I miss you so much, baby doll. I love you.”

I love you, too.

I hung up before I could actually say the words. “God, I’m so fucking stupid,” I whispered as I leaned back against the wall of the gas station I’d found myself at, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes.

My dumb ass had decided to wander from the bus station, and I’d walked over a mile away. Unless I was staying in Santa Fe for a bit, I’d need to start making my way back.

“You okay?”

In my distress, I hadn’t even heard the rumbling of the motorcycle or noticed the handsome man making his way to me. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” I said even as I wiped my nose with a pathetic sniffle.

He eyed me for a long moment, his eyes roaming over my figure. “You hungry? I know a great little place nearby. My treat.”

And well, I was never one to turn down free food.

Even if that ‘little place’ ended up being a food truck.

“You know, when you said it was a little place, I didn’t picture it having wheels,” I said teasingly, licking salsa off of my lower lip. “Though, it is the best food I’ve ever gotten from a food truck before.”

“Oh, come on. This is the best food of all time!” He laughed, shaking his head.

“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” I snorted, finishing off my flautas.

Pietro looked at me long and hard. “So, are you gonna tell me what the hell was going on to have a pretty girl like you all teary eyed?” He asked, his head tilting to the side.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Was this your plan all along?” I asked. Wiping my hands off on a napkin, I did everything I could to avoid his eyes. “Get me all fed and then question me?” But at the same time, the thought of being able to finally talk to someone about it was so appealing… After a long moment of hesitation, I finally gave in. “I fell in love with a man, and he let me go because he knew that I want a life he can’t give me,” I said. “And I was a bitch who didn’t even tell him I love him back when he said it to me.”

Pietro took in a deep breath, slowly letting it out. “Damn. You really are a stone cold bitch, aren’t you?”

“Hey!” I indignantly threw a chunk of tomato at him, glaring. “I just opened up my heart, you dickwad.”

“Dickwad?!” He said, blinking at me in shock. “No one’s ever called me a dickwad before.”

I raised a single eyebrow at him. “Maybe not to your face, but they definitely have.” He gave off the vibe of a fuckboy, of a really, really bad fuckboy.

“Well, since you’re running away from your feelings, how about you spend a week or two with me on the road?” He asked with a grin.

I couldn’t help but blink at him in shock. “What?” I let out a laugh, pulling one of my legs up to my chest. “Do you throw that line out to every girl you meet? Or am I just special?”

Pietro threw a chip at me, and I barely managed to dodge it. “No, I don’t. But… You remind me of me. Needing adventure. A life bigger than four walls and a fence.”

Instinctively, I wanted to snap back that sometimes, four walls and a fence could be an adventure, could be the biggest life there was, as Bucky’s face flashed across my mind.

But I couldn’t do that. Not when I wasn’t ready to face the truth myself.

“Come on, sweet cheeks,” he teased as his foot hooked around mine. “Just think of it. The open highway, a rhythm beneath your feet… Nights full of passion and days of adventure…” Pietro’s voice was deep and husky, as though he was trying to lure me in. “No strings… just warm summer rain soaking us to the bone before we find some cheap motel to huddle down in…”

Plastering on a smile, I stood up and brushed myself on. “Thanks, but… I’d rather be drinking champagne, and the quicker I get to LA, the sooner I will be.”

He let me go with a kiss on the cheek and his cell number pressed into my hand, with a promise to come and pick me up the second I rang.

And despite how sweet he was, how wild and funny and charismatic, there was only one man I wanted to call.

Twenty-Four

I sipped at my martini as I sat at the rooftop bar, absentmindedly watching the television that was mounted on the wall as people droned around me. I’d been in Los Angeles for a year, and I’d spent my time finding the best places to find a husband who could give me the life I dreamed of.

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, it took connections to build a career, and the best way to get a foot in the door when nepotism was so rampant was by marrying someone in the industry.

My silk dress was the most expensive thing I owned, something I’d saved up for months for, had skipped meals for. And fuck, was it worth it. I could feel the stares, the lingering gazes on the little bit of thigh that was exposed by the slit in the dress.

I’d already turned away several men, able to tell just from their expensive watches and cheap suits and shoes.

It was amazing how all the up and coming finance bros thought they fit in with the truly big dogs.

“Well, hello, gorgeous.”

I turned to see who was speaking, my heart skipping a beat when I realized who I was speaking to.

The world famous (or infamous) director, Tony Stark.

“Hello, handsome,” I said smoothly, my lashes fluttering innocently as I took a sip of my horrible drink.

I fucking hated martinis. Always had.

But ordering a martini was more sophisticated than ordering a frozen strawberry margarita.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked as he motioned to the empty bar stool right next to me, even as he was already sitting down. “Let me buy your next round.”

“I can’t think of anything better,” I said, feeling as though my dream life was already in reach.

Twenty-Eight

“Tony, where are you taking me?” I laughed as I let my boyfriend lead me to the private dock at our Malibu mansion.

Well, his mansion. I just happened to also live there.

It had been a whirlwind of a year since I had met Tony, and he’d bought me that second round. He’d taken me all over the globe, anywhere my heart desired.

But I made sure to avoid New York City, though he never understood why. I would never tell him.

Not when I was so close to my dream. I could practically taste it.

“Come on, come on. I have a surprise for you,” he said, keeping his hands over my eyes. He was sure to keep me from tripping and busting my ass, thank god.

The ocean waves were so comforting as they hit the shore, a sound I’d gotten used to over the past year.

He finally brought me to a stop, quietly telling me to keep my eyes closed. “Okay,” he said finally. “Open them.”

My eyes slowly opened, adjusting to the bright light of the California sun. But I was more shocked by the sight of Tony on one knee in front of me, holding out a box with a sparkling diamond ring in it. “Tony?”

The ring was the size of a fucking meteor. It was easily the biggest ring I’d ever seen.

“You know, I never thought I’d meet someone like you,” he said quietly, his dark eyes shining. But his voice was steady. “Someone who understands me, who doesn’t expect me to change into someone I’m not. You accept me as I am, and that’s why I want to give you the world.” He couldn’t help but grin as he nodded to the right. “Starting with that yacht you’ve always dreamed of.”

I hadn’t even noticed that there were two yachts at his private docks instead of just the one. The new one had SS Princess emblazoned on the side, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh… Tony…”

“So, what do you say?” He asked, bringing my attention back to him. “Will you be my wife?”

“Yes.”

Thirty-Two

Swallowing nervously, I looked down at the business card in my hand for the millionth time, the stock paper soft from how often I’d looked at it in the past ten years.

Hell, just how often I’d looked at it in the past six should’ve made it fall apart by now. Not that I didn’t have it memorized.

I’d finally ended my marriage after being miserable for so long. I’d gotten my yacht, my fancy houses, my career, all the jewelry that I could dream of, and none of it made me happy. Tony and I… never grew. And I never dreamed. Every day was the same, and every day was torture as I realized that I didn’t have the one thing that actually mattered.

The garage in front of me was busy, music blasting and the sound of men shouting to each other as they worked.

Suddenly I felt absolutely ridiculous wearing a Chanel dress and Gucci heels, an Hermés bag on my arm.

BARNES TIRES AND MOTORS was lit up along the top of the shop in bright red letters, though the lights in the ‘r’ of ‘motors’ were out.

I felt like a fool. I had wanted the life I had so desperately that I gave up everything for it. I got the movie star life, my name on billboards and my face on magazines.

But it wasn’t ever enough.

My heels clicked against the blacktop as I slowly made my way towards the front area of the shop, bells clinging above my head to let them know someone was there.

“Can I help you, ma’am?” A man asked as he came around the corner.

He looked so much like Bucky, it punched the air straight from my lungs.

“H-Hi. I’m looking for James Barnes. Is he here?” I asked after a long moment of hesitation. There was no way that the man was Bucky, but I didn’t doubt he was related.

The man raised his brows, wiping his hands on a rag. “My son’s in the shop. I’ll take you to him.” His full head of hair was white, his thick facial hair matching. Even with all the wrinkles on his face, he was a handsome man. Holding open the door for me, he led me into the loud shop, some eighties rock song blasting over the speakers.

I couldn’t help but smile as ‘Rock You Like a Hurricane’ by Scorpions came on. It was one of Bucky’s favorites back when we worked in the diner together.

“BUCK! YOU GOT A VISITOR!” The man shouted, causing several people to look our way.

My cheeks felt hot as I avoided their gaze, hoping they wouldn’t recognize me. I didn’t want to be a famous movie star anymore, a celebrity that had to beg for scraps of privacy.

My mind went numb, my heart stopping inside my chest as he stepped around a gray Ford Escape another man was working on.

He was even more handsome than he was the last time I saw him.

“Can I help y—” He broke off, his blue eyes going wide when he realized that it was me. “Hi.”

All of a sudden, everything I’d planned to say flew out of my head. All of the eloquent words I’d strung together were gone. And I just proceeded to word vomit.

“Did you know that, uh, when you marry someone you’re not in love with, you won’t… you won’t grow into it?” I asked, my voice shaking. “Um… I married a man who could give me a life I thought I always wanted, and he just… sucked.” Eyes stinging, I fought back against tears. “And I thought that all I ever wanted was the life I have now, was the life movie stars and the Kardashians lived. But… But I hate it. I hated every second I was away from you.” I let out a weak laugh, unable to stop the tears. “I wanted to turn around the second I got on the bus in New Orleans, but my stupid stubborn ass didn’t. I should have. I should’ve gotten off and just run right back to you because I… I love you, James. I always have.”

The garage had gone almost deadly quiet, and my heart sank when I realized Bucky looked almost frozen in shock.

“I know that I shouldn’t have showed up like this,” I scrambled to say. “But I… I’ve been trying to get my divorce finalized for two years and I finally did, and I kept telling myself that once it was done, I’d never hold myself back from what I really want ever again. From who I want. If… If you want me.” My face felt like it was on fire, my hands shaking. I shook my head as I took a step backwards. “What am I thinking? There’s no way you’re not married. I… I’m so so—”

Before I could finish the word ‘sorry,’ Bucky had closed the distance between us, his hands cradling my face so gently. He held me like I was made of fine crystal as he kissed me. He kissed me like his life depended on it, like I was the one source of oxygen.

And I kissed him back just as fiercely. “I love you. I love you so much,” I breathed out in between kisses, unwilling to let him go as my Hermés bag fell into the dust and oil on the concrete below.

Bucky smiled into the kiss, his arm wrapping around my waist to keep me pressed to his chest. “I love you so much, darlin.’ God, I’ve missed you…” His nose nudged against mine as we finally broke for air, both of us breathing heavily.

My knees felt like Jell-O as I held onto him. His grip was the only reason I hadn’t fallen to the ground already.

“I’m sorry I was a dumb twenty-two year old,” I said, snorting as he stole another kiss.

“No… Don’t be sorry,” he insisted, his fingers massaging my scalp as our foreheads pressed together. It was like he was scared to stop touching me, like I would disappear at any second. “You were young… You had to go out and make your own mistakes… I’ve just been waiting for the day you were ready.”

All the years apart melted away and all that remained was the two of us, two souls so intertwined that there was no way to truly separate us.

Our lips were half molded together as I said, “I’m never leaving you again. I promise I swear on everything…”

My heart almost stopped inside my chest as I heard someone clearing their throat, looking to see Bucky’s father staring at us with his arms crossed over his chest. “M-Mr. Barnes, sir…”

He gave a crooked smile that was so reminiscent of Bucky that I couldn’t help but grin back. “The Mrs. will wanna know if you’re staying for dinner.”

“Yeah,” I said as I looked up at Bucky, toying with a strand of his hair. “That sounds perfect.”

Later that night, Bucky and I laid in his bed, a mess of bare limbs as his fingers ran up and down my back soothingly. “What do you want from this life, baby girl?” He asked absentmindedly.

Humming, I traced shapes on his bare chest, sometimes pressing a kiss to where his prosthetic met his shoulder, on the tender scar tissue. “You.”

A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, despite the already mischievous look on his face. “Really? Not even the stars and the moon?” He asked teasingly.

I knew he’d give it to me anyway, give me all that he could. But I was sure now that the only thing I wanted from this life was his love. “Not even the stars and the moon.”

[wandaromanova]

Lost

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of cancer, death, cussing

A/N: hello! i’d like to put a disclaimer that i am not in any way knowledgeable of the medical field and all of the terminology and information used in this fic was found through research! happy reading <3

anon requested: hiiiii !! can i request like an angst into fluff natxfem!reader one shot where the reader has a really bad day and takes it out on nat and hurts her feelings and so they go to bed angry. but the reader realizes their mistake and the next morning just wakes her up by showering her with love and then takes the whole day to do cute little date things with her? like making her favorite meal or like dancing in the kitchen to their favorite song late at night or just super fluffy things? if not, that’s okay!! have a good day <3

Summary: The heavy weight of her profession gets to Y/N and she takes her anger out on her loving girlfriend; Natasha Romanoff.

Word Count: 3K | navigation

please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work. reblogs, likes, and comments are always welcome. <3

Becoming a doctor was no easy feat.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Once high school is completed, one must receive your bachelor’s degree before taking the MCAT exam and applying to medical school. After four years of medical school, you must endure a year as an intern before being promoted to a resident. 

Depending on what specialty one has selected, residency can span from three to seven years. Fellowships follow after but are typically an optional course that provides extra training. 

Yes, there are a lot of necessary steps to take in order to set foot into the medical world, but somehow, the years of foreplay could never compare to being a full-fledged physician; and you knew this all too well.

You are a pediatric oncologist and your job was to diagnose and provide treatment to children and teenagers who had cancer. You specialized in hematology; the treatment of blood disorders.

You were the head of pediatric oncology in a Manhattan hospital. You dealt with a lot of patients, but a two-year-old little girl named Sarah was secretly your favorite. 

Despite being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, Sarah’s positivity and playful personality never faltered.

Even if she didn’t understand the circumstances because of her young age, you knew she was suffering. Regardless of it all, every session you had with her was endearing.

You met with the child once a week to administer chemotherapy. Her enthusiasm never failed to have you awestruck. Most of your patients were exhausted from the treatments, but not Sarah. 

She was a hyper child who would attempt to sing Frozen songs, performing as you tried to fight a smile from taking over your features. She had a stuffed Olaf doll that she brought with her to every visit and it was heartwarming to see her hug the doll close to her chest. 

Sarah would even bring you drawings every week that you would keep in your locker. You’d admire each and every one of the drawings, even if you couldn’t really tell what they were.

You’d grown fond of the little girl in the past two months you had been treating her. You were also relatively close to her parents, who were probably the kindest people you’ve ever encountered. It made sense that Sarah was the ball of sunshine she was, she obviously got it from her parents.

Most times, parents were on edge and extremely short-tempered. If parents saw you often, that meant that their child was diagnosed with some form of cancer. Understandably, they would be rather hostile whilst interacting with you, but you never took their behavior personally. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

If you were in their shoes, you were positive that you wouldn’t be very friendly either. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You had grown fond of the beaming child. You were aware that growing emotionally attached to patients was unprofessional, but how could you not? 

You adored children and for that very reason, you had chosen a specialty that allowed you to help kids as much as medicine would allow. You always had a soft spot for kids and you found joy in helping them as best as you possibly could.

Sarah had a very good chance at pulling through. With consistent treatment and her young age, her survival rate was around 68%. Those were considerably good odds in these circumstances. Not to mention, the chemotherapy seemed to be paying off. At the rate she was improving, she was predicted to be out of the woods soon enough.

However, the child had developed a bacterial infection. Since she had been receiving chemotherapy, the treatment had damaged her white blood cells which are responsible for fighting off infections. 

All you could do was provide antibiotics to try and fight off the infection. You had monitored her for some time in hopes of seeing any sign of improvement, but unfortunately, it wasn’t enough. Her immune system was extremely vulnerable and there wasn’t any way to reverse the damage. 

Your heart was torn to pieces when you delivered the news to her parents. They broke down in the hallway outside of Sarah’s room as you informed them of Sarah’s rapidly shortened life expectancy. It was only a matter of time before the young child would pass and honestly, this was what you hated most about your job.

You hated that you couldn’t help every single patient. You hated how cruel the world could be to take away an innocent child from their loving parents. 

You allowed her parents to spend time by her bedside. They laid on either side of her bed, clinging onto her for dear life. What broke you the most was the paleness of Sarah’s once glowing skin. Her smile was still present but didn’t quite reach her eyes like it used to. 

Her parents quietly sang ‘Love Is An Open Door’ to Sarah. You felt your heart clench in a bittersweet way as you silently watched. Normally, Sarah wouldn’t hesitate to join in, but her lack of breath prevented her from doing so. All she could do was close her eyes and lightly nod her head along to their voices. 

Sarah passed hours later and it was an extremely somber experience. Hearing the cries of parents who lost their children wasn’t easy and it never would be. Your job had its pros and cons, and this was the biggest negative.

You fought back your own tears as you exited the room, giving the two mourning parents some privacy after you recorded Sarah’s time of death. You found the nearest restroom and allowed the tears to fall down your face. 

A pure soul had been ripped away from the world, never having the chance to experience the great things life had to offer.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

4 Hours Later

You trudged into your loft, immediately taking off your coat and hanging it up before tossing your keys on the small table by the front door. 

Your girlfriend, Natasha, had heard your arrival and quickly exited the bedroom to greet you, a wide smile on her face. However, her smile fell when she noticed your defeated state. 

Your shoulders were slumped as you slouched slightly and your eyes were dripping with sadness. 

“Honey? What’s wrong?” Natasha approached you while you stood frozen in front of the door. Her hands came up to cup your cheeks as she stared at you in concern, her eyes scanning over your features. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I lost Sarah.” 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Natasha’s eyes widened and her heart sunk at your words. She was aware of how much you adored the two-year-old. Once a week, you would rave about the child and how adorable she was at the dinner table. You would go on and on about how Sarah would sing to you, draw pictures for you, and bring along stickers to place onto your coat.

The redhead loved how happy you looked whenever you spoke about any of your patients, but most especially Sarah. It brought Natasha some joy of her own to see you speak animatedly about Sarah; your happiness was her happiness. 

So, the news hurt her almost as much as it hurt her. She knew how much you loved Sarah, despite never saying it straight out.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I know how much you cared about her. Are you okay?” Natasha’s voice was oozing with sympathy. You couldn’t help but feel irritated by her question. 

You tore her hands off of your cheeks and walked past her and into the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water as the redhead watched you intently. 

“Am I okay? I’m fine! It’s not like I lost an extremely young patient today or anything. What kind of stupid fucking question is that, Natasha?” You took a sip of cold water to try and calm yourself damn, but your attempt was futile. 

The redhead made her way into the kitchen, standing on the opposite side of the island as you took another sip of water, eyes burning a hole into her head over the rim of the glass. 

“I know, that was a dumb question. I just want to help you, Y/N/N.” Natasha remained calm and patient as she spoke to you. She was no stranger to the loss of a person she desperately tried to save and knew all too well the sadness and anger that accompanied the tragedy. She was an Avenger, after all. 

“I don’t want your help and I don’t need you!” You slammed your cup onto the counter as you raised your voice. Honestly, it was surprising that you hadn’t shattered the glass with the amount of force you exerted. 

Natasha felt an ache in her chest as you yelled at her. She knew that you weren’t in the right state of mind and didn’t take it personally, but that didn’t make your words hurt any less. 

“You save entire cities and I can’t even save a single fucking person!” You were turning red at this point, tears of frustration streaming down your face. The redhead hated seeing you cry, but she knew better than to approach you at this moment. 

“Babe, you save so many pe-” Natasha’s tried to speak, but you quickly interjected. 

“If you’re going to try and spew some philosophical bullshit to me right now, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear another god damn word from your mouth.”

The redhead looked down defeatedly. She had never seen you so upset, let alone direct your frustrations towards her. Her eyes fell down to the marble counter between you both before looking up at you. You were breathing heavily, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you tried to catch your breath. 

Without another word, Natasha retreated back to the bedroom, shutting the door softly behind her. You watched her until she was out of your view and let out a sigh. Your hands gripped the edges of the kitchen island, supporting your weight as you shut your eyes. 

You brought a hand up to your face and pinched the bridge of your nose. After a few minutes, you made your way into the living room, chucking off your shoes before collapsing onto the couch. You didn’t feel like interacting with Natasha anymore tonight, knowing that you most likely wouldn’t be able to control your temper. 

You were just so fed up with the painful losses you had to endure from your profession. 

You knew that being a doctor was more dark clouds and thunder, than sunshine and rainbows, but you just wished that for once, the weather forecast would work in your favor. 

The emotional day had finally caught up to you. Your body relaxed as you sunk further into the couch, eyes fluttering shut as you succumbed to a much-needed slumber. 

Unbeknownst to you, Natasha was still awake. She laid flat on her back and stared up at the ceiling in thought. She was mad at you, as much as she didn’t want to be. Natasha had gone through the same thing and never lost her cool with you as you had with her. 

The redhead calmed down slowly, turning on her side and facing the empty space beside her which you normally occupied. She reached one arm out, her skin colliding with cool sheets, already missing the warmth of your body. 

Natasha hated sleeping without you by her side, She didn’t feel complete when you weren’t steadily sleeping next to her, your arms wrapped around her body. However, she hoped that things would improve in the morning.

And with that thought in mind, she drifted off into a dreamless sleep, clutching the sheets firmly in her hand. 

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

 The Next Morning

You awoke to a blinding light, the morning sun shining through the windows and landing directly onto your face. You let out a groan and slowly sat up, stretching out your limbs with a groan. The couch wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep, you were aching everywhere. 

You sat there for a moment as the events of the day before caught up to you. Not only had you lost Sarah, but you upset Natasha. You immediately felt guilty as you recalled the harsh words you spat at her in a fit of rage. You felt like a complete asshole, and rightfully so. 

You quickly stood up and entered the kitchen, retrieving some bacon from the freezer and eggs from the refrigerator. You grabbed two separate pans and washed your hands, making sure to get the coffee pot running before you began cooking.

Your girlfriend absolutely loved bacon, eggs, and coffee. She described the combinations as a ‘party in her mouth.’ So, this was going to be an ‘i’m sorry for being a bitch last night’ apology breakfast. 

You got started on the meal and by the time you finished up and had the stove off, Natasha stalked out of the bedroom slowly. She eyed you carefully as she approached, you sent a soft smile her way.

“You made breakfast,” Natasha spoke and you shyly nodded your head. You moved away from the stove and rounded the counter. The redhead stood in her spot as you wrapped your arms around her waist, her arms reflexively going around your neck.

“I was an asshole last night.” You stated and your girlfriend nodded her head in agreement. “Yeah, you were a total pain in the ass, the absolute worst.” You rolled your eyes at Natasha’s teasing tone.

“I’m sorry for how I behaved. I was just so upset about… Sarah. I didn’t mean to take it out on you and I can’t even begin to tell you how bad I feel for yelling at you when all you wanted to do was help me.”

Your voice was full of emotion, your eyes boring into her emerald irises as you poured your heart into every syllable you uttered. Natasha smile gently at you, her fingers lightly tugging on the baby hairs on the nape of your neck. 

“It’s okay. I know you weren’t mad at me.” You let out a sigh of relief as the redhead stared at you softly. She let out a small chuckle at your dramatics before continuing.

‘I understand how you feel. The team and I, we try our very best to save as many civilians as we can, but sometimes it’s completely out of our control. It’s the exact same situation.” 

One of Natasha’s hands found its way to your cheek, gently cupping the skin as you leaned into her touch. You were listening intently to her every word, mesmerized by the calming rasp of her voice.

“Don’t dwell on what you couldn’t do, but give yourself some credit for everything you did do. I may not know what happened, but what I do know is that you tried everything you could, no?”

Natasha questioned you and you nodded your head. “I gave her antibiotics to fight the infection, but it was too severe.” The redhead rubbed her thumb against your cheek. 

“All that matters is that you did your best and that’s all anyone could ever ask for.” Natasha ended her little speech as she placed a soft kiss on the tip of your nose. You couldn’t help but smile, an overwhelming feeling of happiness taking over. 

“Thank you. I love you and your… what was it?” You furrowed your eyebrows in concentration before your face lit up. Natasha raised an eyebrow at you. “Philosophical bullshit. That was the words.” The Russian let out a laugh, shaking her head from side to side at your antics. 

“Seriously though, I’m so grateful for you. You’re so amazing to me even when I don’t deserve it. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Natasha’s laughter died down as your tone turned serious. Your eyes were so full of love and adoration as you stared into her eyes deeply. 

“Well, let’s hope you never have to find out.” Natasha smiled once more and you couldn’t resist pressing your lips against her plump ones. Your mouths moved in tandem at a slow pace, enjoying the rawness and love that accompanied each movement. 

You broke the kiss when air became an issue. Nat’s eyes fluttered open as you wiggled your eyebrows at her playfully. 

“So, are you ready for some breakfast? Maybe after we eat, we can go on top of a rooftop and I’ll serenade you with a rendition of ‘Sorry’ by Justin Bieber.”

Natasha’s head flew back as she laughed uncontrollably at your words. “What? Do you not like the Biebs? If you want, I could play ‘Baby Come Back’ by Player from a boombox and hold it over my head, instead.” The redhead continued to laugh profusely and you soon joined in. Your arms tightened around her waist as your giggles subsided. 

“I think cuddling on the couch and watching the Kardashians eating ridiculously large bowls of salad will do.” You nodded your head in agreement but didn’t make a move to release Natasha from your grip. She didn’t let go either. 

The two of you just stood there, basking in each other’s embrace, a comfortable silence falling over you both. 

Natasha never failed to say the right things to pull you out of the dark abyss that was your mind. She was completely right, as always. There would always be bad days, patients who were progressing one day and deteriorating the next. 

However, there were also good days, and you shouldn’t allow the bad to overshadow all the good you’ve done. Like with Natasha, she wasn’t always the superhero she is today. She took her dark past and turned it into a bright future. 

Nat didn’t let her bad days define her and neither should you.

Of course, you would always remember every single patient you had lost, but now, you would take the pain and turn it into motivation; motivation to improve yourself, not only in your professional life but in your personal life as well. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You would do right by the ones you’ve lost and the one who stuck by your side; Natasha Romanoff. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

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[doodleybugg]

Could you please do one bed two people with Sirius and Remus

I know that it is cliched but I really want to see it

No pressure of course

OFC OFC!! <33 sorry this took so long I spent the time to make sure it was an acceptable writing piece, THANK YOU SM FOR THE REQUEST I LOVED IT !!!! AAAA

Tags: slight cussing, my writing, (kinda) enemies to lovers, cuddles, mention to gun (very brief, not a literal gun, used in a metaphor)

Summary: James invites his friends over for Christmas, but Sirius and Remus, who're in the middle of a petty fight, need to share a bed

"Guys!" James shouted gleefully, ushering his friends inside his house, Euphemia behind the kitchen counter smiling as everyone trailed in, Sirius first, followed by Peter, James, and finally Remus. She knew something was off, couldn't tell what. Was it Peter's shirts? She'd never seen him wear that before... Or was it-

And then she spotted it. Sirius and Remus. They stood as far from each other as possible, trading glares every-so-often. They usually come visit with their hands entrapped in each other's, smiling whenever they caught the other staring. James immediately caught the cold air their shoulders shoved off, a pitiful glance toward Peter as everyone was led from the doorway to the living room, a tray with 5 mugs, a bag of mini-marshmallows, some hot chocolate powder and a container of home-made whipped cream. Sirius couldn't help but get excited as he plopped on his seat on the couch, Christmas at the Potter's could lift anyone's mood. Maybe it was the gifts, so thought out and personal you blushed at how well Fleamont knew you. Or maybe the treats Euphemia made, sweet but not too sweet, never too heavy or light, and always delicious. Either way, hot chocolate was one of his favourites. Something he recently got into because of...

Remus.

He scowled as the brunette grabbed a mug, shovelling 2 scoops of hot chocolate powder and adding hot water, stirring before placing a scoop of whipped cream on top. Remus sat down in the opposite corner that Sirius did, leaning back when Sirius made his own drink, exactly 12 marshmallows, a scoop of whipped cream only slightly bigger than Remus', and he somehow found some cinnamon to sprinkle over it all. A toothache in a mug, as Euphemia liked to call all his drinks. Sirius took his tea with 3 scoops of sugar and then sweetened creamer, coffee the same but another half-scoop of sugar, since it was 'too bitter'. Peter and James sat next to them, got their hot chocolate fixed up, and once Euphemia was done in the kitchen she joined them, and they all delved into stories from the school year so far, or fun things Euphemia and Fleamont got up to without James around.

~

“Shut UP, Remus!” was shouted from the next door over, and Peter rolled his eyes. 

“Should we-” Euphemia started, but she immediately got interrupted by James.

"Let them get it out of their system, I'm sure Sirius will fall asleep soon anyways. Today's been stressful for him"

Both Peter and Euphemia nodded at his words, and Euphemia tucked the boys into their separate beds. They had two guest bedrooms, one taken by Peter ever since 2nd year. He kept his stuff he wasn't allowed at home or at Hogwarts there, like posters or stuffed animals his friends got him for Christmas and his birthday. It was halfway through third year that Remus tired of sleeping on Jame's bed with him, oh how the boy snored, and decided to share the other guest room with Sirius. Sirius pretty much owned the bedroom, a bigger claim than Peter held on his, as he was almost constantly at the Potter's.

~

As three quarters of the group fell asleep, around midnight, Sirius stirred. As opposed to James' words, he was the last awake, he sat on the floor writing, hand gripping the quill so tight it began to cramp, watching Remus sleep peacefully on his own side of the bed. Sirius almost chuckled at that. Despite the petty fight they were in, Remus still left over half of the bed open in case Sirius ever let up. A scoff left his throat instead, eyes rolling. As if that would happen. Although, he was pretty tired, stifling yawns as his quill etched away at the parchment, knees crossed. He wouldn't climb into that bed if a gun was cocked against his temple. No way, no how. A yawn he couldn't fight back down echoed in his skull, and he pouted, leaning back till his back hit the floor, and he fell asleep quickly on the fuzzy red rug.

~

Sirius woke up early in the afternoon the next day, a warm and soft sensation covering his body, a heavy weight over half. Confused, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, but just as he tried to sit up a groan trapped his against the floor. No, it wasn't the floor. It wasn't firm enough, it gave way against his frame. His head turned to the left, and the tanned, scarred face of Remus stared back. Well, not really stared, as the lycanthrope was dead-asleep. Sirius jumped, realizing where he was. He was in bed. In the bed with Remus, where he swore he wouldn't go. His eyes narrowed, but softened. He couldn't be mad with how the boy next to him softly breathed, his chest expanding with every little breath. Remus' eyes clenched a little, but as his head pushed against Sirius' arm, the arm he held tightly even in his slumber, they relaxed again, a soft hum. Sirius could've melted at the sight, pink streaking his face as he curled up with Remus, who smelled so strongly of sleep, and maybe a little chocolate.

[uwuyangin]

a promise well broken (minho x reader)

✩ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: if anyone was certain of one thing, it would be the fact that both you and minho were a two in one deal. never would somebody see one and not the other. since the beginning of your friendship, you promised each other that no matter what, you would never lie. pinky promises were forever right? that is until you meet hana, the one person that had the potential to tear you and minho apart.

✩ 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫 + 𝐚/𝐧: this is a request! bff to lovers! plot ahead. cussing as well so be warned. song rec: i hate u, i love u by olivia o’brien & gnash. thank you for requesting this, lovely! 

—

the autumn of twenty-eighteen was the worst year of your life.

why? because that was the start of your first year being a freshman in college. nobody had warned you about the university life, and it always looked so easy. then came week two where you learned the hard way that the readings actually were important. or that you should never leave your laundry in the laundromat without supervision. again, these were things you had to learn as an adult and it sucked.

but, you’ll never forget the day you met him; lee minho. 

you had accidentally spilled coffee all over his white shirt in that over-crowded starbucks down the street from your apartment. he had joked you owe him a new shirt, however he then laughed at his silly remark. hearing that laugh made your heart melt in a way you couldn’t describe. nonetheless, you offered to buy him his drink of choice, to which he denied. instead, he asked for your time and the rest was history.

you two were inseparable ever since. even when you needed to study, minho would drop by and annoy the hell out of you. it had become such a routine that you would be surprised if he didn’t accompany you to anything. in a way, you were dependent on him as he was to you. some would say this was unhealthy, but you admitted to yourself a long time ago that a life without lee minho was not a life wanted. 

however, because life was never perfect, you couldn’t expect your relationship with him to be. because you were utterly in love with someone you never thought you could have. so much so that your heart swelled at just the idea of him and that damn smile. his tsundere personality attracted you the most because that only made the intimate moments more meaningful. like when he would hold your hand in public if you were anxious, or the way he complimented your work ethic. those small, simple gestures filled your stomach with butterflies. as much as you loved him showing you affection, it also broke your heart because it always stirred up false hope. and nothing hurt more than that. 

you wished you could confront him on this. you hated hiding anything from minho. it was your number one rule between each other; no secrets, no lies. he always had a deep-rooted insecurity of being lied to, and you promised him that you would never do that no matter what. you’ll never forget the way he looked at you then; full of trust and happiness. each night when you lay awake in your bed, your chest clenches at the thought of telling him you’ve been surpressing these feelings. would he rejoice or be disappointed? it was a risk that you weren’t willing to take.

that promise meant everything to you. apparently minho thought otherwise.

it had been exactly one month since you met park hana. minho introduced the two of you after walking out of his calculus class. he had made a new friend, which didn’t surprise you because who wouldn’t want to be friends with him? however, at the sight of her, your stomach dropped. she had locks of honey brown, obviously artificial but beautiful nonetheless. her eyes always shone with a light you never thought you’d see. she was outgoing, intelligent, and funny. god, she was so funny that she made minho roll over in laughter at a study session that was supposed to be explicitly between you and him. you envied her. you wanted to love yourself the way she did, but everytime you looked in the mirror, you would only see flaws. what would minho see in you that he wouldn’t see in her? 

you tried to be her friend, you really did. on multiple occasions, you invited hana to coffee or to the movies, and she always declined. if you brought it up to minho, he would only shrug it off that it wasn’t serious. this didn’t cease your uneasiness towards her, though. it could just be your jealousy speaking but you knew yourself better than that. 

you were going to try again, though. if she meant something to minho, then she meant something to you as well. 

you lay on your bed with a small smile, scrolling through your phone to find minho’s number. a simple face time would be fun as you didn’t feel like texting. you also really wanted to see his face. after finding his number, you tapped on it and felt excitement rising in your system. it was only a video call but this is what minho did to you. as the phone rang, you were met with disappointment as you noticed that he wasn’t going to pick up. that wasn’t like him as he typically picked up within the first three rings. 

“what the heck? ugh,” you grunted to yourself, heading over to text message. 

you were tempted to text him alone about your idea of hanging out, but you knew that if you were going to make an effort for hana, you would need to text the group chat. you began to text out your plans, sending it with a large grin. 

you: heyyyyyyyyy bishes! i’m thinking of heading to the mall later today, and i’d love to hang with y’all. what do you say?? maybe we can get dinner as well. i finally don’t have homework lmaoo 

soongiedoongiedori: aw can’t today :( hanging out with sungie

hana: same, i’m busy! maybe next week? 

you: ok :’) </3

releasing a sigh, you felt your excitement deterioriate. you weren’t expecting them to turn you down so quickly, especially minho. you knew it was wrong to be upset at them for being busy but you couldn’t help how you were feeling. hana did suggest next week . . . that would have to do for now. 

as you sighed once again, you heard your door swinging open. you snapped your head up, hoping it was minho pranking you, but you were only met with your roommate, yeri. 

“whoa, calm down. i’m not gonna kill you,” she joked. “i was just checking to see if you’ve eaten today and if i should buy takeout.” 

groaning, you shook her head and hung an arm over your head. this made it clear to yeri that you were upset, making her concerned. you two were close since the beginning of the school year. normally you were a cheerful person. if you were acting like this, then something was definitely up. 

“what’s wrong?” she asked, sitting beside you on your bed. 

you peeked out from behind your arm only to drop it and sigh for the third time. that’s all you could really do at this point. 

“well, it’s going to sound dumb-”

“no it’s not. stop doubting yourself, now tell me what’s up.” yeri interrupted.

you rolled your eyes but smiled a small smile. “i texted minho and hana to see if they wanted to hang out today but both of them are busy. it just really sucks because i feel like every time i make an effort for hana, she doesn’t make an effort for me. i’ve tried telling lino this but he thinks i’m being dramatic. am i being dramatic?”

yeri hummed at your response, furrowing her eyebrows. you watched in silence as she pondered about the scenario in her mind. this put you on edge because she didn’t immediately reassure you it was nothing. she must’ve seen something fishy as well or else she wouldn’t be thinking about it. or you were assuming the worst.

“they’re both busy?” she checked. 

you nodded, making her shrug. “i wouldn’t think much of it, (y/n). what’s the rule between you and him again? no secrets, no lies or something like that? i don’t think he would lie to you.” 

that was true; nobody took that rule more seriously than minho. for a moment there, you felt guilt because you knew it was wrong to immediately doubt his intentions like that. hana as well. yeri inspected you for a moment as she took in your composure. surely her advice should’ve been enough to warrant ease, however, you were still stiff.

“i’ll go to the mall with you,” she offered. “i was thinking of stopping in sephora or something. i’ve been meaning to go for awhile but never had the excuse.”

you snapped your head her way and bit back a smile, trying not to be too enthusiastic. “really? you’re not just saying that, are you?”

yeri nudged you playfully before standing. “of course not. now get up and ready, or i’ll regret my decision.”

-

“did you really have to buy all three palettes? they look the exact same!” 

yeri rolled her eyes as the both of you exited the store with you holding one bag, and her with two. you had only been there for twenty minutes and you already spent more than you would’ve liked. then again, you didn’t really care because you were looking forward to this for awhile. friends that enable each other stay together, right?

“well, that’s where you’re wrong. this one is peachy nudes, then there’s the golden nudes, and this one is neutral nudes. seriously, (y/n), don’t underestimate the power of nudes.”

the both of you let out a laugh, leaning into each other for support. yeri had made this experience way more fun than you thought it could be. not one thought of minho or hana had entered your mind. the mood was lifted tremendously as you strolled through the mall, window shopping at a few stores until you found the one you wanted to shop in. however, as you were going to enter a store, your stomach did a little growl. 

“whoa, calm down tiger.” joked yeri as she patted your stomach. 

“i guess i forgot to eat today . . . do you wanna stop by the food court before we continue shopping?” you suggested.

she nodded, realizing that she was hungry as well. “i think it’s this way.” 

nearing the corner, you continued on towards the food court with excitement. mall food always had a different vibe to it and you were very much looking forward to devouring some lo mein noodles. as the food court came into view, your walk began to speed up. the excitement that was building up inside of you halted as yeri stopped in her tracks, causing you to run directly into her back. 

“hey-” you started but yeri whipped around, shushing you. her hands grabbed onto your arms and dragged you to the side where you were no longer out in the open.

“what are you doing?” your voice was not loud however it still wasn’t at yeri’s liking as she shushed you again.

“(y/n), look over by mcdonald’s. isn’t that minho . . . and hana?” 

your heart stopped as you heard those words, immediately looking where yeri had instructed you. there sat minho and hana, laughing obnoxiously while sharing a meal. you watched the way she fed him a fry, with him then returning the favor. your heart tugged at the sight because that was something you guys always do to each other. it would then follow with you offering him a bite of your mcflurry and then booping him on the nose with the spoon. the tension grew as you saw him reaching for the spoon of his mcflurry, raising it out towards hana.

“please, please, please. do not pat it on her nose,” you whispered to yourself.

tears welled up in your eyes as you watched the way she took a bite, then giggling as he gently patted her nose with the spoon. that was the icing on the cake and it’s all it took before you turned your body around, rushing to the exit. 

yeri called out to you but you weren’t listening. the scene that played before rewound itself in your mind like a vhs tape. and you would pause at the way he looked at her, like she was so special. those glances were always reserved for you. was he tired of you? did he know how much he meant to you? he broke your one rule, the one thing that meant everything. your friendship was based on this and yet it was now abandoned. your breathing became labored as you tried calming down, staring at the ground with wide eyes and endless tears. never did you think minho would betray you. maybe it was naive to think like that.

“(y/n), wait up!” puffed out yeri as she met up with your figure at the exit. her chest heaved from the run she had to do to catch up.

neither of you spoke as yeri tried to find the words. “i’m sorry.” her voice was soft, almost afraid of breaking you any further.

-

nearly a week had passed since the incident at the mall. and you would be lying if you said you were alright.

every night you were reminded of what minho did to you as he sent you texts relentlessly. the spamming began after day one with him asking if you wanted to come over. when you didn’t respond, he continued to blow up your phone to see if you were okay. all the missed calls and texts drove you insane because you wanted so badly to reply. but you weren’t going to give in so easily. he hurt you in ways you couldn’t describe. it didn’t help that you were helplessly in love with him. seeing him give affection towards another female was inevitable, but you never thought it would hurt like this.

you weren’t surprised when you didn’t get any notifications from hana. you wanted to believe so badly that she was a good person but something felt off. you didn’t want it to be your jealousy speaking but you also didn’t want to be in denial either. this felt wrong because you and minho had never been so separated. but with each passing second, you felt yourself growing further part from him. you continued to drown in your depressed thoughts until a knock on your door interrupted.

“yes?” 

“oh, you don’t sound so excited to see me.” joked a familiar voice as they stepped in, closing  the door behind them.

you grinned, immediately sitting up and opening your arms for your friend, han jisung. the boy wasn’t shy in returning the hug, laughing at your brightened expression.

“sungie! what are you doing here? you didn’t even think to call me?” your voice was nothing but playful, nudging his arm in the process.

jisung took a seat beside you on the bed and chuckled. as he made himself comfortable, he spoke up. “i felt like being spontaneous.”

the air was always light when it came to jisung. he was able to make everyone feel welcomed despite his social anxiety. the contradiction always made you love him more, as a friend of course. you admired him for a moment, feeling somewhat calmer. it was obvious to jisung that something was wrong, though. minho might’ve told him to check up on you because if you were ignoring him, then he knew you wouldn’t let him into your home. but jisung could also tell from your face that you weren’t okay.

“hey, what’s going on? you can tell me.” 

his sudden change from bubbly to concerned shocked you, making you freeze in your spot. you hadn’t even noticed the smallest of tears that were forming in your eyes, finally being able to unleash any form of disappointment that you were holding in. jisung was not prepared to see you falter so quickly as he reached forward, holding your hands in his lap as he let you cry for a moment in silence. as soon as you were ready to catch your breath, you laid the truth on him.

“minho lied to me. and to make matters worse . . . he lied to me with hana.”

jisung was taken aback at those words because minho? lied to you? there’s no way. he snorted, shaking his head as he was in disbelief. however, as he studied your expression again, he noticed that you were still crying. the boy clenched his jaw as he was now visibly angry. he knew how much that rule meant to you and minho, as it meant something to jisung as well. he was there when minho got his heart broken, when he was the one who was lied to. and now minho had completely ignored that because of someone he barely knew. you didn’t deserve this, no one did. 

“(y/n), i’m so sorry.” much like yeri, that’s all he could say. 

because he knew how much this hurt you, and there was nothing that he could say that would change how you were coping. he wanted to ask what happened, but he also didn’t want to push you. 

“why are you sorry? it’s him that should be sorry.” you replied bitterly as you wiped at your eyes. 

you thought you looked pathetic, but jisung thought the opposite. he couldn’t even imagine what you were going through, and he always knew how close you two were. deep down he also knew how you felt about minho. this was more than just your best friend lying to you, no. 

ring ring ring

the sound of your phone ringing made you snap out of it, immediately searching for it so that you could read the caller id. once you had it in your hands, your eyes widened in shock.

“it’s hana . . . should i answer it?” you whispered.

“sure, but i don’t know why you’re whispering.” you reached over and swatted his arm at his sass.

without thinking much of it, you swiped right and pressed the phone to your ear. jisung didn’t think that you would actually do it, considering you had neglected minho’s calls. although he did believe it would be easier to speak with hana as you weren’t as close with her. after holding in your breath for a long second or two, you released out a greeting.

“hello?”

“mhm, (y/n)-ah. i’m glad you picked up. i’ve been meaning to talk to you.” 

something about the way she spoke didn’t sound genuine, and jisung could notice it from a mile away. you furrowed your eyebrows as he pointed at your phone, mouthing the words ‘speaker phone’ to you. you decided to risk it as jisung would be your witness for whatever would go down. you switched it to speaker.

“oh, hi hana. what did you want to speak with me about?” you said straightforwardly. 

there was a chuckle on the other end that sent chills down your spine. “i’m not stupid, (y/n). i know you saw minho and me at the mall together. i don’t blame you for acting the way you are, i would probably do the same.”

both you and jisung looked at each with wide eyes. you didn’t expect her to be so blunt with her thoughts, however you were expecting something bitchy. biting on the inside of your cheek, you listened to her continue.

“i mean, you should be jealous. minho asked me on a date, and he told me he loves me. we are now dating, and we are very happy. he’s very happy. and now that we are together, i’m telling you to stay away from him.”

you could feel the fresh wave of tears pooling in your eyes as you heard her read out your worst nightmare. minho was in love with someone else, and to make matters worse, it was with hana. everything inside of you clenched painfully as you felt your heart sink to your stomach. this was way worse than having minho lie to you. you prayed to any god or deity that the situation couldn’t get any worse than it already was but they refused to listen to you. the universe was against your idea of sharing love with minho as it did everything in its way to tear you two apart. you should’ve kept count of the time you had left with him until he was taken.

but hearing her say that you needed to stay away from him wasn’t an option in your head. you can handle him lying, and being in love with someone else. it hurt, god it hurt so badly, but you could handle it if it meant he was happy. you would rather have minho happy instead of not having him at all. you were passionate in that belief, and you weren’t going to let hana tell you otherwise.

“no.” 

“i wasn’t asking, (y/n).” her tone was more intimidating than before, yet you held your ground.

“i said no. i’m not budging on this, hana. i’m not letting him go.” you protested.

there was another pause in between the conversation, and you thought you had won for a second. but hana was always a step ahead of you, planning her attack head-on like she had rehearsed every possible outcome in her head.

“why are you still holding onto him? you’re just a burden, don’t you see that? he’s only pitying you. now that he has me, he doesn’t need to keep having you around. you should learn to take a hint.” 

she spat her words at you, shooting her venom in your most sensitive spots. for a moment, you had entirely forgotten that jisung was still in the room. you tried not to let her words get to you, but they did. hearing that he was only pitying you sent you over the edge as you hung up the phone, throwing it at the floor angrily. your hands formed into fists as you closed your eyes, trying to catch your breath. but with each inhale, you felt as if you were suffocating. you wanted to wake up from this terror but you knew it was just a twisted reality. you didn’t even notice how your form was shaking from overwhelming emotions until jisung had reached over, pulling you closer into a side hug. he was just as speechless as you, if not more.

he shushed your cries, knowing it was the only thing you could do.

-

a few hours had passed at this point, and you didn’t even notice how you fell asleep with jisung. normally you two would split between the floor or the bed, but it was clear that you were exhausted. the afternoon had turned into nightfall, your open curtains inviting the moon. if you weren’t so out of it, you would’ve admired it’s beauty. you peered over as jisung was curled up beside you under the sheets, one arm wrapped loosely around your shoulders and the other over his face. he was such a good friend that you didn’t know how to thank him. he did not need to stay here by your side yet he did. he would never admit it, but he was incredibly selfless. as you tried adjusting your sight, you realized your eyes were puffy from crying, and it honestly hurt to try and focus in the dark.  you laid your body back down, snuggling deeper into your comforter before trying to head back to rest. without warning, your door swung up to reveal a worried minho.

“what the fuck is this?” 

his voice boomed through the room, causing you and jisung to bolt upright out of bed. your attention turned to a frantic looking minho clutching his phone in his hands. there was a vein popping out on the side of his neck from how stressed out he was, and his hair was disheveled from constantly running his hands through it. anyone would be able to see how fucked up he was over this. not to mention minho was worried sick because you still were not answering your phone, and now jisung wasn’t. when he called yeri to check up on you, she revealed that jisung had slept over. minho was furious, but for what?

“why haven’t you been answering your phone? do you know how worried i’ve been about you, i thought you died!” he started, then pointing his finger at jisung. “and you, what the hell do you think you’re doing in (y/n)’s bed?”

jisung gulped in fear as he avoided eye contact, trying to find the words to reply. never had the older male raised his voice like that at anyone, much less jisung. minho could be scary when mad, but you weren’t going to let behave like this. you believed he didn’t have a right to be so upset. because you weren’t going to let him do this to you, act like he was the victim and that you hurt him. he hurt you first, didn’t he see that? or was he really that blind? 

“first off, i don’t need your permission to have anyone stay the night so don’t talk to him like that. two, i don’t need to answer to you or anyone else but myself.”

minho chewed at the inside of his cheek, a death stare focused on you. “excuse me?”

“i said that i don’t need to answer to you. shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend anyway? it’s obvious you care more about her than you do about your friends. go, we don’t want you here.” you sneered at him, placing your hands on your hips firmly.

“what are you talking about, (y/n)? i don’t have a girlfriend. you’re not making any sense-”

“do not lie to me a second time!” you yelled.

both jisung and minho froze as they heard you raise your voice. minho knew what you could be like when you were furious like this, but he never thought you would be like that with him. it hurt a little as you stared at him like so sternly, so unwelcoming. for once in your friendship, he felt like he was trespassing. that shouldn’t be an issue between you two. minho tried to process his thoughts until he caught your words again, repeating it over and over in his head. guilt began to settle within him as he pursed his lips, thinking of saying something. however, nothing came out. all he could do was stare at the ground with shame digging itself into his skin. you deserved better than this. minho promised you so many things, and he had broken every single one. it was ironic, really, for someone who feared a broken heart. 

“(y/n),” he started hesitantly. “it’s not what it seems. let me explain.” 

you snorted while rolling your eyes. “really? because from what i remember, you promised me. you promised me you would never lie to me, or keep secrets from me. you lied to me!” 

your throat became thick as you tried swallowing any sobs that were bound to come up. you had pent up all of your frustration that this was finally the time you let minho have a piece of your mind. you wanted to scream at him, fight him, and hurt him. but all you could do was unleash the pain you had been holding in. 

“i never thought you would do this to me, minho. i never thought- i never thought you could just give up this friendship to someone who barely knows you! i always pictured you’d be with someone kind and full of love but she is a monster, don’t you see that minho? she is a bitch and-”

“wait, wait, wait. are you talking about hana? why are you saying these things about her? i know you’re upset with me, but don’t pull her into this.” he defended her, folding his arms across his chest.

your heart sank a little further as he didn’t immediately deny the fact that they were dating. instead, he defended her actions, and her role as his girlfriend. you were devastated; so it was true. you should’ve seen it coming, but you never thought it would be this soon. 

“hyung, (y/n) is telling the truth.” jisung tried to interfere, nevertheless, minho glared daggers at him.

“i’m not speaking to you right now. quiet.” he demanded.

his voice was eerily calm, making jisung cower in fear. you were not going to do that, though. you were going to stick up for yourself and the hell that hana had unleashed onto you. there is no way that minho could be so dull to not see the true colors of this girl. or maybe you were far too used to overestimating him.

“why is it that when it’s her word versus mine, you automatically defend her? am i not your best friend? i feel like i mean nothing to you anymore.” 

minho scoffed. “you’re being overdramatic. hana means a lot to me as well-”

“no, it’s obvious she means more to you. do you know what she did to me today, by the way? she told me to stay away from you, to never see you again or else. does that sound like someone you want in your life, lino?” 

you waited to hear reassuring words from your best friend, but instead, all you heard was the love of your life pushing you out of the way. his nostrils flared slightly in anger as he clenched his jaw, and his instinctively formed fists. never had he thought to raise his voice at you, but that was pushed away when the words left his mouth without control.

“you listen to me, and you listen carefully, (y/n). i don’t want you to ever speak of her like that ever again,” he pause to take a deep breath.

“it’s really low of you to be this jealous that you have to tear down the people that matter to me. i thought you were better than that.” he clicked his tongue, giving you a stare of disappointment. 

you couldn’t decide what hurt more, the fact that minho defended her or that he didn’t believe you. jisung wished to speak up and to let his friend know the truth, but he didn’t want to be scolded once more. the silence in the room was chilling, leaving goosebumps to arise on your arms. this had to be fake; this wasn’t the minho you knew and loved. tears had fallen past your eyes and onto your scorched cheeks. that sinking feeling returned to the pit of your stomach as it swallowed you whole. minho stared back with just as much intensity, knowing he hated seeing you cry especially when he was the cause. but he refused to back down from his word. instead he shook his head, turning around to walk out the door. you could hear the slam of the front door from your room, making you jump in fear. you were still unable to move from your spot as shock filled your system. did that really just happen?

you hadn’t even noticed the way jisung chased after his hyung. he pushed his short legs to run faster until he was now out of your apartment and near the parking lot. minho was walking rather fast with his stance intimidating but the younger boy didn’t care. he needed him to know the truth, and to know that you weren’t exaggerating.

minho felt a shove at the lower end of his back, causing him to trip a bit in front of him. when he whipped around to view who it was, a growl slipped his lips.

“yah, do you have a death wish?” jisung was not surprised to hear that.

“no, but do you? do you know what (y/n) has been going through ever since this hana girl entered your life? hm? do you? she’s telling the truth, i was here with her when that call took place.” 

minho chuckled bitterly. “i can’t believe you’re on her side here. i thought you were my friend.”

jisung’s eyes softened, showing just how upset he was over this. minho was not prepared for what came next, however, as the dongsaeng questioned every motive he had. 

“i am. and do you know what i value most in our friendship? no secrets, no lies. isn’t that the same promise you were supposed to keep with (y/n)? and here you are, breaking that promise. trying to validate what you did is inexcusable, man. why would she lie?”

the older of the two was at a loss of words as the guilt he faced earlier returned. it swirled around his body like an uninvited wind, reminding him how cold he felt in the situation. there was no reason for you to lie, so why was it that you would make something up like this? that’s the thing; you would never make this up. the realization was beginning to settle in him as minho came face to face with reality. he had hurt you, and made it out to be your fault. he took the side of someone he barely knew over you. over his best friend. over the love of his life.

“shit,” he muttered while throwing a hand to over his face.

this made jisung smile sadly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “maybe you should fix this. just maybe.” 

letting out a groan, minho cursed at himself. he had fucked up so badly. jisung was quick, though, to ask a question that was still clearly in his head. “are you really dating hana by the way?”

minho shook his head and scoffed. “no.”

minho glanced up from his solemn expression and nodded.normally he would come back with another scary remark but he didn’t have the energy to do it. he made his way back to your apartment with each step being heavier than the previous one. owning up to his mistakes wasn’t something he was used to. never had he hurt this badly before, so he was bound to face something completely new. taking all the courage he could, minho opened your door to see a vacant front room. yeri must’ve been somewhere else, which he wasn’t complaining about. no doubt she would’ve chewed his ass out. minho continued on until he was right outside your door. as his hand went to turn the golden knob, he heard a heartwrenching sound.

you held a hand over your mouth as you sobbed in your bed, your body curled up to offer any form of comfort it could. the words of your best friend replayed over and over until you could no longer bare it anymore. you were broken into pieces, scattering yourself so that they would be hard to find. but minho had the power to put you back together, despite how long it would take. 

you felt a body weigh down beside you on the bed, immediately reaching its arms around you. as your eyes fluttered open, the sight of him was made aware, making you sob harder. minho shushed you, combing back your hair from your eyes as he held you in place. you didn’t fight him, you didn’t scream at him, no. you let him hold you so that he could mend your broken pieces back together. this was his damage he had caused, it only seemed right to take care of it. 

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.” 

you shook your head almost instantly. “you’re just saying that. don’t lie to me-”

“i’m not. hey, look at me,” he whispered.

your eyes met his again, making you shiver. it had been so long since you were this close to him. it felt familiar, like home. because that’s what he was to you. nothing could ever change that, even if he had crossed you. 

“i will never lie to you again. you mean so much to me.” 

unlike his tsundere personality, his voice was soft as it wavered in the air. those words alone made your heart begin to beat again with a sense of excitement you thought you lost. that excitement began to build as he grew closer, his face fearlessly nearing yours. his eyes never left yours, and you felt the overwhelming urge to close the gap between you. and so you did.

your lips molded against each other in a way you couldn’t describe. you were exploring new found territory, having experience something you never deemed possible. it was gentle, but powerful. his hands caressed your lower back as he held you closer to himself, chests up against each other. fireworks were an understatement. it felt like the universe was finally aligning again to ensure your happiness. it was a comforting hug that let you knew everything was going to be alright. it was minho showing you that you were more than hana would ever be. 

as he drew back, he pressed his forehead against yours. he couldn’t help but to say the words he had been holding back on ever since the day you met.

“i love you, (y/n).”

your eyes bulged as you looked at him in disbelief. these were words you were wanting to hear for so long. but were they genuine? or to make you feel better? you grew defensive before letting your heart speak any truth.

“i don’t need you to patronize me, minho. if you’re just saying that . . . “

“i’m not. i sincerely love you, (y/n).” 

“what about hana?” your insecurities were back at it again, and doubting anything that minho had said to you. you heard him chuckle as he responded coolly. “i was never with hana. i love you.”

a smile broke out on your lips. “no secrets, no lies?”

“no secrets, no lies.”

soooooo this is really shitty and im really sorry :/ I’ve been writing this for so many weeks and this is all i got out of it lmao <333 might make a part two with smut HA let me know if y’all want that thanks for the request @minholuvs

[junova]

↬ 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐧𝐞𝐭 | 𝐬. 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

abstract: the one where steve finds your love letters.

pairing: au!steve x fem!reader

word count: 3K+

warnings: cussing, fluff, angst, crying, slight self-deprecation.

[author’s note]: hey guys! i’m really new to the writing scene so kind words are appreciated! srsly just testing my writing style out and wanted to just post something to motivate me to keep writing. hope u like it. <3

also thank u ari for the inspo and that bomb ass album that saved twenty-twenty. now we just need biden to get elected.

ps. don’t forget to vote! <3

Stevie,

First and foremost, I want you to know how proud of you I am. You have become the man you’ve said you become, the one I always knew you would. You have finally seen what the rest of us see.

A good man.

The soul you carry within you shines brighter than I’ve ever seen. Just for that only, I’m thankful for the time we’ve spent together. Maybe one day, I’ll be brave enough to tell you this without hiding behind the comfort of this notebook. She won’t spill my secrets, fortunate for me.

Some days you have no idea how badly I want to tell you. I think it’s on the days I discover a new fleck of green in your eyes or maybe when you show up to class with a cup of coffee for me without request.

More. More. More.

More. More. More.

It’s selfish of me, that much I know. More days than not, I would say you give too much of yourself away. Always wanting to appease everyone, you, Steven Rogers, the bridge to making the people around you happier than they walked in. Even when Bucky drags you into his nonsense bullshit, you say yes without hesitation.

I’ve got not a a clue on how you continue on, how you still remain you when you tend to spread yourself so thin. Who watches out for you? Who cares for you? Who loves the almighty, selfless Rogers?

For me, it’s much easier to pretend you carry too much on your plate than to deal with the rejection I would receive from you. You’re just too good, more than I deserve. More than I would be willing to take. I know I couldn’t possibly give you what you deserve but, I hope that one day you might see me differently. You would see me more than the light I’ve painted myself in.

Even though the shade is lovely, I want to be deeper. Deeper into you on a level which only seems unattainable at this point.

A forever friend. To be in your life, just as a friend, is an reward in itself.

But someday I hope you would love me in the same way I do. It’s all a love struck girl could do. Hope for the best, bet be prepared for the downfall.

With much love, your forever friend.

Tearing the page away from the binding of the overfilled notebook, dispensing it in the first empty drawer you could find, you abandoned the feelings as soon as the pen’s ink bleed out dry.

“You know it would just be easier to tell him how you feel.” You peaked up at the sound of her voice, before realizing she was looming over you, watching your write the letter.

Your supposed, secret letter.

“Nat, please. No.” Opening the drawer, she grabbed the letter but was surprised with just how many she found.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’ve written about him multiple times?” You sank in the soft, plush material of your seat hoping that just maybe it would begin to swallow you whole. Hopefully, fast enough were you wouldn’t have to endure the rest of the conversation. One you had been trying to avoid, for the past three years.

“It’s nothing Nat, just forget it.” Just like a Romanov, she couldn’t leave it alone. Even if she tried it was laced in her blood to see any little thing through.

“You really shouldn’t wait so long. A window might close for you, much sooner than you think.” With a curious eyebrow lifted, you felt your breath leave you.

“What does that supposed to mean?” Steve certainly deserved the best and you knew it was only time for him to figure out you would never be enough for him.

“Peggy Carter.” Peggy.

The one girl of a sea of many who had been enamored by Steve. He never really seemed to spend anytime with the women who vied for his attention, but Peggy was surely different than the rest.

Even if Steve was oblivious when it came to the advances everyone would make on him, he saw Peggy. Considering she was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, she intimidated you. God, did she ever.

On numerous occasions she and Steve had gone out, and even though he assured you they were just friends you were starting to believe he was only trying to protect your feelings. As a friend.

He had never cancelled on you once for her and he would tell you if he had started to date someone, just like he had before.

Even though the entire three years you’d known him he only had one serious girlfriend and after eight months, the pair broke up and even now he still didn’t budge on why they broke up.

“Steve can do whatever he wants with her. He’s a single man. He’s gone out with her before and he’ll probably go with her again.” Then Sam was the next to speak up, dismissing the total bullshit spouting from your mouth.

“Can’t you see he doesn’t want to? The damn man follows you around like a goddamn puppy.” Okay, when did he even come in here?

“God, fuck, no he doesn’t. He would have said something by now, he’s had three years and it’s been nothing but radio silence.” With an all knowing smirk, Sam proposed a new concept into question.

“It has been three years. So, have you ever said anything to him?”

Shit. Fuck you, Wilson.

“W-Well, not exactly.” Sam didn’t have to say anything in response. You knew he was right and you hated it.

Your unwillingness still stood for you, there was just no way he actually would reciprocate your feelings.

“Listen, I think it would be really good for the both of you to air everything out. Peggy is sinking her claws in him and it isn’t too long before they get stuck. Just talk to him.” You nodded silently, but you weren’t sure if you’d ever have the courage to.

—

Emptiness.

It’s all you seemed to feel today. Following you around was a dark cloud, looming over you. Wishing you could be anywhere but your own body. Nothing in particular happened to make you deserve the feeling you were granted with. It just so happened to be one of those days.

From the moment you got out of bed — or rather stayed in bed until four in the afternoon, you felt like anything you would have done just didn’t feel enough. The feeling was fleeting, never staying for more than a day or so, but it made the day drag on. Never ending.

Your muscles sore, body aching from the lack of activity your presumed. Or maybe you had built it in your head too.

Thankfully for you, Nat was busy helping Bucky move into his new place the entire day. She asked if you wanted to help, but mentally you didn’t feel you would be useful for anyone. Simply, telling her you would hang back, claiming you had another an essay to write.

Which you did, you weren’t completely lying, but there was more than your sour mood to blame for your dismissal of social interaction.

You hated to be that girl, the one who needed the presence of men. Specifically, the company of one very beautiful, blue eyed one.

His absence in your life the past few weeks felt heavier on you than you thought it would. You knew from Sam’s intel he had been hanging out with Peggy more and more. He said the two of them were getting close, mercifully sparing you the details.

You hated it’s you’d become. A girl so damn struck over a boy who was giving his attention elsewhere. Upset you were though. Before even if he was busy between classes and his internship at the gallery, he would still text to check up on you.

Now, it was nothing but radio silence letting you draw conclusions on your own. Very, very dangerous territory for you to travel to.

Steve and you are just friends. Get. Over. It.

You thought you’d be alone the rest of the Saturday, especially since it was nearly midnight. Figuring Nat was staying over at Bucky’s and Wanda leaving earlier in early hours of the morning to see her boyfriend for the entire weekend.

Then, an incredibly drunk Steve stumbled into your quaint apartment, the thoughtfully sweetness in him blubbering out with the alcohol flooding through his system. It was like he was on overdrive. More than ready to crash at any given moment.

You had enough when Steve started shamelessly raiding your kitchen, but you remained on the couch attempting to maintain some distance between the two of you. He had a history of being incredibly handsy whenever he had bit too much to drink.

Stumbling his way over to you, almost tripping on the rug, until he was basically cuddling up to your side. His arms latched tightly around you, pulling you into him. Not spared a choice, not that you’d want one.

The security of being wrapped up to him wasn’t something you ever grew tired of. You don’t think there would ever be a time you would ever be capable of turning him away.

“I’ve missed you. It’s been too long.” His soft tone, penetrating the tiny resistance you held towards him. “Me too. I was starting to think you disappeared on me, bubba.”

“Never.” His iron grip holding so tight like he was afraid you’d slip right through.

“Is everything alright?” Trying to pull from him, but Steve seemed unable to let you go. You whispered in his ear, caressing his back.

“I think so.”

“Here, let me grab you cup of joe and some water. Okay? I’ll be right back.” Leaving him a kiss on the cheek, before heading him into the kitchen.

If you had been around him recently, perhaps you would be more in tune with how he was feeling. Then the guilt sept in.

“Sweetheart, do you know where the phone charger is? It’s not by the recliner.” You heard him shout, trying to stop your heart from hammering into your stomach.

Just make him some coffee, sober him up, until he crashes.

Steve always seemed to be a lightweight and somehow whenever he did decide to drink he always found himself routing his way into your home. You thought it was simply for accident alone. The bar he frequented at was only a few block from you.

The past few times he would just stumble into your bedroom, immediately passing out in your soft, silky sheet. Now, he seemed to have more pressing matters at hand.

“Check the drawers, Stevie. I think there’s one you left around here somewhere.” You grabbed the filters and the grounds out, brewing the coffee. Soon, with a black cup of coffee and a water bottle in hand you took note of just how quite he was being.

He was never this silent and it was freaking you out.

“Are you sure you’re o-”

Just like that.

Fuck.

Hunched over, practically on his knees, he read over the endless letters you wrote about him. Confessions never meant to be seen by him. You lost track of how many you had written over the past few years once realized how irrevocably in love with him you are.

He didn’t realize you had found him and you were suddenly paralyzed. Unaware of your presence he continued to read through them and his expression was unrecognizable. One you’d never seen from him before, and you didn’t quite know how to react.

No. He wasn’t grimacing nor did he seem to be elated either. He just stood there just like you, afraid what would happen next.

What did this mean for the two of you? Your entire relationship was purely riding on whatever happened next.

Softly, with a gentle hand, he sifted through them all like he was looking for something specifically. Steve let them fall to the hardwood floors as your shaking hands could no longer support the weight of the dainty coffee cup he had actually sculpted himself.

The glass shattering everywhere, several pieces making their way towards him, thankfully not fiercely enough to penetrate his skin.

Truly, you had never been more sorry than when he looked up at you with tears in his eyes. Threatening to spill over. Because of you.

You didn’t have to be told, you already knew.

Carefully, Steve stood up making his way over to you around the shattered mug. Still you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Simply just watching him until he was right in front of you — more silent than you’d ever seen him before.

“Those were about me. Weren’t they?” You nodded having no reason to lie other than to protect yourself from a rejection you been hoping to spare yourself from.

“I didn’t want you to find out like this. Or at all really.” Your resolve dropping instantly when Steve took a step further gripping by your hips, pulling you closer.

“Why not?” He questioned you, again. Almost like he needed a verbal affirmation of every secret he had just read.

Unintentionally, stealing your soul served for him on a silver platter.

“I know how you’d feel about me, Steve. It’s not how I want it to be and it’s okay.” You remove yourself from him, traveling to the other side of the living room. Suddenly, the apartment seemed suffocating with him in it. “I’m fine, Steve.”

Hearing him sigh in frustration only furthered your immense feeling of being a burden to him.

You’re just one more obstacle he has to deal with.

“One of them dated back for over two years ago. Two fucking years.” His harsh tone, piercing through you like a knife.

“I know. I should have told you.” You whispered, wishing you could disappear into any abyss that would take you. Deeply wishing you just didn’t have to endure for the rest of this conversation. Wishing you could have stopped him from opening that stupid drawer. “I tell you everything, but I just couldn’t bring myself to speak about this. Look at how you’re reacting? How could you blame me when every fear I have about this is justified?”

You really should have kept those elsewhere, not your open, public living room.

“Because it’s us. I’m always here for you.” He was still crying through broken words and you didn’t know why. Almost like you had shattered his resolve and his control leaving with it.

“Not lately. You’ve been otherwise occupied.” Suddenly find the plant in the corner of the room. It certainly weren’t trying to distract yourself from the insatiable cerulean eyes.

The breathtaking british woman wasn’t even here and as soon as she was brought up — there was a wall. Seperating, you from whatever was between the two of you.

“This isn’t my fault. You never said anything. How was I supposed to know you feel that way about me?” He tried to make his way towards you but you just stalked off in the other direction. Circling around the living room like a coward.

“It didn’t matter though, did it? You found someone perfect for you regardless of how you feel.” God, you wish he would just leave so you could let the dam break.

“No. You don’t get to do that. Since the moment I met you I only had eyes for you, but you never seemed like you were interested. So, I dropped it. Okay? You never left me a crumb to think you would ever want to be more than just friends.”

“You were my best friend. You still are. No matter how I felt, it could never outweigh the need I have for you to be in my life.” He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. Trying to figure out what was next for the both of you. Steve always had to initiate and this time was no different.

“Peggy told me tonight she wants to be exclusive.” His confession washing over you like a ton of bricks. Crushing you.

You really couldn’t have any ill feeling towards her, she was just doing what you lacked the courage and the tenacity to do.

“But I didn’t really know what to do.” He took quiet steps towards you, not wanting to spook you. He voice not no longer held the a warmth of teddy bear, but a man on a mission rather took over.

Steve kept quiet until he had you backed up into a corner, no escape route in vision for you.

“’Cause there’s this other beautiful woman, absolutely breathtaking — and I just I really needed to know how she felt. If I had known before,  I never would have gone anywhere else.” His hand caressing your soft, plump lips. Pulling on your bottom lip with his thumb, sending you into a frenzy.

“Then, I just wanted to forget about everything until Sam called me. Three beers deep, when he told me of a drawer filled with letters I should take a look at.” You could feel his breath on you, temple pressed against yours.

“I just need to hear you say it. Just once.” Taking it a step forward, intertwining your finger with his own.

“I love you.” It was all he needed as he sealed his own affirmation with a sweet kiss, inking your lips with all of his love.

[violetnotez]

Its Chirstmasssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!! I finished this up all last night, so I hope this is at least coherent! 

This is for the BNHA Hangout Christmas Collab! Here is a link to future masterpost for the fics for the event!

｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★

Shoto x reader | one shot

Word Count: 1.5k+

Warnings: cussing

Synposis: When Shoto realizes you’ve been particularly lonely without him during the holiday season, he decided to get you an extra special gift

the music collection | buy me a ko-fi! | requests open for haikyuu+jujutsu kaisen

｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★

“Shoto-do you really have to go?”

You asked, a pout on your lips as you gazed at your boyfriend.

You were still cuddled up in your shared bed, the heat from Shoto’s skin already dissipating out of the sheets.

You pursed your lips, sitting up crossed leg as You watched him slide each button of his shirt sleeve into their slots, his washed, bi colored hair slightly wet from his shower.

“You know it’s not fair to look that good and then just leave,” you gave him a fake, stern look, earning a small smirk from the man.

He continued working up the shirt, looking sleek yet-well-delicious.

Shoto was just too handsomr for his own good-sharp jawline, perfect skin, piercing bi colored eyes, not to mention his amazing body….sometimes you had to wonder how you were able to get such a flawless man to end up with you.

He finished with his other sleeve, peeking a look at you as he slicked his hair back with his right hand, the strands mixing and framing his face perfectly,

why’d he have to look that good?

“It’s not as if I want to leave, dear-but I do have work,”

You cuddled deeper into the sweatshirt you were wearing, your hands dissappearing in the sleeves.

“But you’re always working-you cant take one day off?”

Shoto chuckled at your obvious neediness, making his way over to where you were sitting. He leaned across the bed to be in front of your sulking form, brushing a piece of your bed head from your face as he laid a gentle kiss on your lips.

“Evil doesn’t take a day off love,”

“Why do you always have to be so-so stoic all the time,” You giggled, playfully placing your hand on his chest and pushing him back.

Even though you and Shoto had been living together for over a year now, it never ceased to amaze you how much the man worked. After working at an agency after UA, Shoto had been incredibly busy-and being the #3 hero, you could see why. If it wasn’t a late night call, he was patrolling, interviewing sidekicks, training, teaching students on their hero studies, interviewing with magazines….he always had something to do.

You couldn’t get mad at him though-he had warned you in the beginning, but you were also accustomed to the hero life as well- well, somewhat.

You had gone to UA to be part of the hero suit course, and had become suit designer for the top heroes (hence how you met Shoto). You witnessed day in and day out how difficult it truly was to be a hero, even if you weren’t one yourself, so you didn’t mind when Todoroki was gone all the time. Yes, it got lonely at times, especially during the holiday season, but you made sure to keep a smile on for him.

“Don’t forget, I did take Christmas off,” Shoto gave you a small grin, his bicolored eyed searching to please you.

You smiled back, your heart thumping out of your chest as you poked him gently in the chest.

“After I asked you too,” you corrected, a teasing tone in your voice.

-And thank god too, I would have so lonely by myself,” you tried to chuckle at your remark, making the situation light.

Shoto knew you too well though-something about your voice didnt sound as happy and light as before. When you joked with him, your laughs were more cheerful and your smile was brighter-but something about you right now felt strange...as if you were holding something back from him.

Shoto’s grin turned into concern, his digits cupping your cheeks gently and guiding your eyes to look at his.

“Have you been feeling lonely lately?” He asked bluntly, your eyes growing wide.

Man-you couldn't hide anything from him.

You chuckled nervously, looking to the side, guilt beginning to fill your chest.

“I-I, no, it’s fine, really, I was only kidding,” you chuckled, your voice taking on a higher pitch.

“You don’t seem to be kidding,” Shoto bite the side of his lip, trying his best to make eye contact with you, “if you want to tell me something, you don’t have to be afraid.”

“Be afraid of the number three hero-“ You rolled your eyes playfully, a soft smirk on your lips, “-never.”

Shoto gave a small grin, worry still in his eyes. He knew something was strange about you lately, the way you seemed to be always craving for him. He hated to admit it, it boosted his ego somewhat to have you were so desperate for his touch- but he knew it wasnt healthy for you to be always missing him.

With him being a pro hero, he had quite alot more duties than most could imagine- which sadly left little for him to indulge in his own personal life. Shoto felt deeply lucky to have someone like you who understood his busy schedule, never batting an eye when he had to cancel yet another date or leave you by yourself on countless nights...but it still left a gnawing sensation of guilt sitting in his stomach.

“Im fine Shoto,” your voice broke into his thoughts, your tone gentle and sweet like a sun kissed cloud, “really.”

Shoto sighed, his thick lashes fanning his cheek. You were stubborn at times, especially when you wanted to reassure him-which only affirmed that you really werent feeling all that great as you said you were. But Shoto didnt want to push it any further- maybe you were really okay, and he was overthinking it….and he was going to be late if he didnt leave soon-

“Go kick some ass for me, kay?”

you gave him a wide smile, placing another quick kiss on his lips.

Shoto blinked a few times, a rush of adrenaline filling his body as he felt your skin against his. His lips tingled from the agonizingly quick touch-he took it upon him to give you a deeply intense kiss, the rush making you breathless.

Shoto pulled away, his eyes having the rarest glint of mischief as he stared back into yours

“Of course love,”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★

“Ya ready Shoto?” You grinned, your body snuggled into your comfiest pair of pajamas and your fingers warmed by a hot cup of cocoa.

Christmas Day has finally came, and thankfully, Shoto kept his promise-he would be staying the whole day with you with no interruptions.

You were just so excited to finally have one day to selfishly love your boyfriend, and on a holiday too!

The room almost felt surreal-it was early morning, the Christmas tree you two decorated light up like a Star, class Christmas music playing in the background, homemade cookies littering the apartment in a sweet aroma and the room in a romantic warm haze of lights.

It just felt so unbelievable perfect and comfortable, Shoto looking sheepishly excited and nervous.

“I think you should go first,” you smiled up at him as he sat down next to you, black coffee snuggled into his hand (in a DynaMIGHT mug, of course gifted to him by the hero himself).

Shoto bit his lip, seemingly trying to hide a smile as he set his mug down on the coffee table.

“Not to be rude love,” he grinned, his hands gently grabbing a large box from under the tree. The paper was a shiny golden hue, snowflakes on the paper reflecting like glitter from the lights on the tree. He slide the box against the wooden floor, being strangely gentle with the contents.

“But my gift cant wait.”

Your eyebrows were knitted together, a confused grin on your lips.

The box was pretty big-what did he get you now?

Shoto never seemed to give you endlessly expensive gifts, having no concept of what was considered fancy or exorbitant- trips to places you could only dream of, hefty amounts of clothes and jewelry, merchandise from your favorite shows...hell you had to talk him out of buying you a car one time-this guy would drop anything to get you whatever you wanted.

And that made you guilty as hell whenever he did-so what did he give you this time around?

Your mind was racing as you looked at the box, trying to read whatever he was thinking about on his face.

“I swear to god Shoto if you bought me that expensive gaming system-“

He chuckled at your obviously guilty face, shaking his head as he smiled.

“No, no it’s nothing like that-“ he said, giving you a mischievous grin, “I think you’ll like it much better than that.”

You blinked a few times, your mind going completely blank.

What could be better than a PS5, Xbox, or Switch?

You looked down at the box, feeling strangely nervous as you obeyed Shoto’s wishes, slowly opening the top lid….until it rustles.

The box.

Moved on its own.

You squeaked out in surprise, your hands slamming the barely opened lid back down and looking at Shoto for help.

He had never seen you look so adorably confused in his life, a rosy hue on his cheeks as he looked at you with a loving expression.

“It’s okay,” he whispered reassuringly as he wrapped his hands nervously around yours.

You felt him guide your hands up, you both now lifting the lid off the large box.

Shoto took it and placed it gently on the ground, sitting back to watch you look into the box.

The box rustled again, your mind so utterly confused….what could make a box do that?

“Shoto I-“ you tried to ask, but all he did was nod to the box, signaling for you to just look.

You did as you were told, getting on your knees to peer inside…

A gasp left your lips, your heart beating out of your chest as you looked inside at the sweet little baby kitten playing with their bowl of yarn in the box.

“Hi baby,” you cooed in awe at the little baby, your hands scooping them out and snuggling them to your chest.

They were so soft and warm, their fur as white as a snowball with rosy pink paws.

“Oh my god-Shoto-you really didn’t- are they really-?” You were in such a state of shock, you couldn’t seem to form any coherent words as you looked at your sheepish boyfriend.

“I-I didn’t know exactly what to get you...but after seeing how much you missed me throughout the day, I thought it was fitting to get you a companion for when I’m gone,” he smiled, his digits nervously fidgeting in his lap as he waited for your approval.

You petted the little creature on your chest, it’s big doe eyes staring at you with such confusion you couldn’t help but giggle.

“Shoto…it’s perfect,” you smiled at your boyfriend, leaning in to plant him a kiss on his lips.

You giggled at his expression, clearly not expecting your show of affection as his cheeks turned a fiery red.

“I-I’m glad to here that,”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★

© Violetnote 2020

None of these characters or shows are my own, only the storylines and narratives I create are mine. Copying, stealing, plagiarizing, rewording, or using my storylines in other media, claiming to be your own, or reposting without my consent is not allowed.

[sukiglycerin]

13 minutes || katsuki bakugou.

* pairing: pro-hero (therefore aged up)!katsuki bakugou x fem manager!reader

* genre: pro-hero!au, smut, this is the longest warning section i’ve ever written, mainly pwp, fluff at the end :>

* words: 2,266 of all this fiLTH

* warnings: AGED UP KATSUKI, ugh tumblr deleted my super long tags so now i must redo them, this is very long & filthy, whew let's go, dom!katsuki, sub!reader, semi-public sex, exhibitionism, slight voyeurism, office sex, reader is bent over the desk ofc, master/sir kink, a little pet play (he calls reader pet/kitten), dirty talk, degradation, fingering, breast/nipple play, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, orgasm denial (how contradicting), cunnilingus (f receiving), cum eating (both ends), talks of safeword/colour system but no actual usage, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (pls use protection irl!!), creampie, reader is kinda masochistic, pussy slapping, crying sex (no angst here tho), hair-pulling (m receiving if it matters), implied subspace, aftercare !! the best part !!

* a/n: so tumblr messed up sO much while i tried to post this, so i hope you like this! ty @toishi for sticking with me and all of my ramblings while writing this! (and ofc @dylanxmin for her lovely support!!) this is a VERY spicy thing, and almost had actual plot before i cut it out. if you like this, i may do a fluffier pt 2!! enjoy!

being a pro-hero's manager has its perks. the pay's good, the coworkers are pleasant, and travelling is pretty fun. to you, the best part is that you get to see your boyfriend of three years every day.

you've been dating pro-hero ground zero secretly, and you happen to be his manager. honestly, the latter came first in chronological order, but that doesn't matter anyway.

you first encountered ground zero (or as he was called back then, katsuki bakugou) during your time in the business course at ua. he bumped into you quite ungracefully, cursed at you, pushed past you, then let a startled but apologetic kirishima to apologize. it was fate, in kirishima's words. 

such fate led you to manage ground zero five years ago, after slowly climbing your way up from managing smaller heroes to finally reaching the popular ones. bakugou had been the only popular hero with a manager opening; you learned why soon after being hired.

the spiky haired hero had a short fuse and a tendency to cuss. he was picky, indecent, and often reckless with his public image; the calmest you'd ever seen him was when he blew up villains and screaming "die."

however, things change - things change a lot. five years later, you're here: katsuki mumbling sweet things into the crook of your neck as his hands tease the waistband of your pencil skirt.

"katsuki, we can't- you have a meeting in fift- hng-!"

his lips find yours quickly, effectively quieting you down. you're sitting on katsuki's desk - a polished cherry wood thing that took too many weeks to find - as he towers above you, pinning you to your spot.

katsuki pauses, and pulls back, licking his lips. "sounds like a you problem."

"we really can't, this meeting is really important-" bakugou's fingers nimbly find their way under your skirt, deadly close to your panties. he really isn’t paying attention to you.

"and i'm the star of the show, the number one pro-hero-" if he hears you mutter 'that's midoriya,' he ignores you and continues, "-aren't i the most important one here?" his fingers rub your clothed clit, smirking at your audible gasp.

"k-katsuki, no-" you know he can feel the wet patch growing on your panties; from the way his determined eyes lock on yours, you know he won't be finished until you are too.

"how long do we have now, love?”

"thirteen minutes, but-"

"you're going to cum for me three times in the thirteen minutes we have."

it's not a question; it's a fact. you are going to cum three times in the next fifteen minutes.

“once on my fingers,” he puts a finger up, “once on my tongue,” another finger, “and once on my cock. the only thing you have to worry your pretty head about-“ he leans in close to your ear, voice dropping a couple octaves, “-is keeping quiet enough.”

his fingers push your panties to the side with ease and play teasingly with your wet folds. he circles your clit with his middle finger slowly, dragging out each languid movement with a smirk on his face. you flush at the lewd, wet noises he elicits from your pussy. you know that his fingers are coated in your arousal.

you look down in embarrassment, gripping the edge of the desk, and stare at the cotton material of your pencil skirt.

"slut." the word is spat from katsuki's mouth. his hand holds your chin; his touch barely ghosts your skin, but the command still exudes dominance. he tips his hand up, so you're looking into his intense eyes.

"look at me, slut." the word is emphasized by the plunging of three fingers in your wet core. you whine, unprepared by the sudden intrusion. your legs move uncomfortably against the fabric of your skirt, which restricts you from spreading open your legs wider. you want to clamp down on katsuki's hand, but you know that that won't end well.

"patience, kitten." either by intuition or his own frustration, he speaks up gruffly. "all in due time." his thumb starts to knead your aching bud as he thrusts in and out, knuckle deep in your pussy. glancing at the clock, he grows impatient, quickly attempting to unbutton your blouse before ripping off the rest entirely. you'd normally protest - you liked that blouse - but you find yourself falling short of words at the pressure on your pussy. katsuki goes at a more rigorous pace, thrusting fast and deep while his free hand snakes itself under your bra to play with your nipple. the added stimulation has you keening to his touch, suddenly aware of his every touch. he pulls your bra cup down, freeing your breast and bending down to to encapsulate the hardened bud in his mouth. his tongue circles your areola and flicks your nipple; meanwhile, his pace on your pussy hasn't relented. 

soon, you feel the telltale feelings of pleasure bubbling through your body.  you tense against him, gasping out his name and clawing at his back. your knees buckle as your climax washes over you, making your body go limp in his hand. bakugou lets go of your nipple with a popping noise, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. his other hand pulls out, and he outstretches three cum-soaked fingers to you, an unspoken code for "suck." you open your mouth obediently, sucking your salty juices off his slim digits. 

"fuck," he cusses, eyes blown out wide in lust. "so fuckin' obedient for me, hm? such a fuckin' whore for your master."

you let go of the fingers in your mouth and nod. 

his non-wet fingers grip the bottom of your skirt. "off. now." 

"yes, master." you feel his eyes pierce you, watching you unzip your skirt and panties and let them pool around your legs. he holds you steady as you step out of the garments and toss them to the side. 

"sit up." he taps the desk lightly.

"it'll get w-w-" 

"did i stutter?"

"n-no, master."

he hums while you acquaint your bottom with the cold, hard wood of his desk.

"colour system, love?" his voice gets soft and he breaks the hard persona. his eyes are gentle, searching yours for any speck nervousness or hesitancy.

"green for 'i'm good, keep going,' yellow for 'slow down,' and red for 'stop.'"

"and if you can't speak?"

"three taps for red, two for yellow."

"what's your colour right now?"

"green,��master."

his face hardens at the title. "always a good pet for me, aren't you?"

you nod. "yessir."

he spares another glance at the clock on the wall. "you're going to be a fucking good slut for master in the next 7 minutes, understand?"

"y-yessir."

"what was that, pet?"

"yessir."

"better be. spread." his fingers gesture to your legs.

he kneels before you, your drenched core spread out and on display for him at eye-level.

"so wet," he marvels, making your face heat up. like this, you're completely exposed to him; your breasts free from your bra, nipples hard against the cool air, and your pussy glistening under the light of his office.

he licks a long stripe up your folds, testing the waters. by now, the original intensity of your previous orgasm had worn off; despite this, when his tongue met your clit, you found yourself reaching for his hair, gripping it tightly. he groans into your pussy, poking his appendage through your folds and administrating kitten licks up and down your inner lips to slurp up whatever juices were left. the teasing doesn't last for long, however. he starts to suck harshly on your clit, making you buck into his face in overstimulation and surprise. you cry out at his unceasing ministrations, tugging on his hair and your toes curling. the overstimulation is too much; pain mixed with white hot pleasure blinds you. the lips closed against your clit go hard; you're not even sure how katsuki can breathe going at such a pace. the pain starts to blend into pure pleasure. you throw your arm over your mouth in attempt to stifle your noises, eyes shut tight. you feel tears line your eyes as you cum again, katsuki's tongue pressed flat against your pussy. the pleasure is five times more intense now; you cry out, sure anyone standing outside heard, and clutch katsuki's hair as you recover from your orgasm. your pussy convulses violently, and you pant in a similar manner.

"k-katsuki- master- i-" you breathe hard.

"one more for me, okay?" he rasps into your ear. "i know you can take it, kitten. so good for me..." his chin and lips shine with your essence.

you nod, spreading your sore legs further apart.

"colour?" he checks, hands starting to reach for his belt.

"green."

he nods and unbuckles, pulling his pants and boxers down to reveal his cock. katsuki leans in, hot breath fanning against you as he peppers kisses on your clavicle.

"you're gonna be a good cocksleeve for master, yeah? gonna be all fuckin' tight and wet for me?"

you whimper a shaky "yes," the head of his cock nudging your folds.

he eases his full length into you, the stretch always being something you always need to get used to. katsuki's not particularly girthy, but for what he lacks in girth he makes up in sheer length. he pushes in gently; it's clear on his face he wants nothing more than to ravage you, but he understands your needs.

"f-fuck," you gasps as he bottoms out. 

"ring ring ring," the tone of katsuki's phone rings through the room.

you lean over the desk, reading the caller id.

"it's horikoshi corp?" you say to katsuki.

"pick it up." there's a mischievous gleam in his eyes, but there's no time to dwell on it before you pick up the call.

"is this the office of ground zero?" a male voice asks through the line.

"yessir-" katsuki starts moving inside you, to which you bite your lip. "h-how can i help you?"

"this is regarding the meeting scheduled for today?"

"y-yes?" you gasp, flinging a hand over your mouth as bakugou starts thrusting into your core roughly.

"i'm terribly sorry to say this, but it appears that our boss has come down with food poisoning from lunch."

"don't- don't worry about it-" your knuckles are white gripping the edge of the desk, and you're slightly bent over it.

katsuki continues to hammer into you, speed increasing quickly.

"could we reschedule to friday, at 1:30pm?"

your mind skims through katsuki's friday schedule. "u-um... y-yes-! that can be arranged..." you're not sure if he can hear the wet slapping noises coming from your end of the line - but the thought of him knowing your dirty deeds with katsuki made you even wetter.

"alright, thank you!" the man sounds relieved. "goodbye."

"bye!" you half slam the phone down on the receiver, chest heaving.

"it's your lucky day, huh, kitten?" katsuki purrs smoothly. 

you nod, pressing yourself onto his desk so you're bent over it for him.

"such a fucking slut," you can hear the pride in his voice. "you like that, yeah? i can feel you clenching all around me. you're my fuckin' cockslut, right?"

your head bobs rapidly up and down. "yes, master- i'm-" you feel the familiar heat start to bubble in the pit of your stomach.

"don't you dare fucking cum yet," he growls in your ear, punctuating his words with a sharp thrust.

he presses you even harder into the desk, your breasts pushed up against the cold wood. 

"k-katsuki...!”

"my little pain slut, isn't that right?" 

"y-yes-! f-fuck, master-" 

he slaps your clit, making a loud, wet sound resound through the room.

it almost sends you over the edge. almost.

"don't- cum-" katsuki grunts in between thrusts.

you're so close it almost hurts. the pleasure overwhelms you; you shut your eyes tight to distract yourself, but you can only hear the sound of katsuki's heavy breaths and his cock slamming into you.

"katsuki- master- please, i can't-" tears start to form in the corners of your eyes. the pleasure is just too much, beating into you incessantly.

"you can, and you will," he orders, voice firm.

"k-ka- ka-" you blubber, tears dropping from your cheeks. you know you won't be able to hold it much longer; your pussy aches in need of release. "pl- pl, ka-"

"cum." it was the only word you needed to find yourself toppling off the edge, euphoria rippling over you violently.  tears stream down your cheeks, cum gushing from your heat. you're as limp as a doll in katsuki's arms, slumped against his desk. your pussy throbs, contracting violently - somewhere amidst your orgasm, katsuki had finished as well. your cheeks are wet, blouse thrown somewhere on the ground. your breathing is shaky as katsuki picks you up, stroking your hair delicately.

"hey, honey," he kisses your forehead softly.

you mumble incoherently, eyes drooping shut.

"you did so well for me... i didn't hurt you, did i?"

"no, 'suki.... 's good.... i liked it a lot..." you nuzzle into him, his body warmth comforting. katsuki smells of vanilla and caramel, a sweet combination that feels undeniably like home. 

you don't remember many of the next events well; everything blurs into a haze. you feel him gently thumbing your tears away, slipping your skirt and panties on and buttoning up one of his extra dress shirts on you.

the last thing you hear is a gentle "i love you," and before you know it, you're drifting asleep.

[i-am-a-bad-influence-writes]

False alarm

Steve Masterlist - Full Masterlist

Summary: You ran away from the Avengers years ago, not knowing how to deal with feelings for a certain someone. But when you find out about a threat to humanity, you have to deliver it to the tower. You planned on dying there but your old friends refused to let you go.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word count: 2848

Broken and bruised, you sit down on a couch in the common room. You know Stark’s systems are mere seconds from rebooting and detecting you as an intruder but you couldn’t care less. Right now, you need a place to bleed out in peace, and what better place than your former employer’s couch. And there it goes. You know Friday is too advanced to just turn on lights and sirens but you hear a scuffling and the opening and closing of doors as well as guns getting readied. And still, you couldn’t care less. Because, if it really comes down to it, there are two scenarios that could happen. Best case: They realize it’s you, listen to what you have to say, and patch you up. Worst case: They shoot you on accident or on purpose and put you out of your misery. Either is fine with you. Though with the pain you are experiencing, you’d rather die than have to go through recovery. ‘Y/n?‘ You pull your head up with the last bits of strength you still possess and look at a few familiar faces. Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and Natasha Romanoff. ‘Hi,‘ you say weakly, ‘I’m sorry to intrude but I just wanted to bleed out peacefully.‘ Tony rushes towards you and sits down beside you. ‘Why’d have to you pick the couch?‘ His words were supposed to come out as joking and sarcastic but there’s hurt in them. And it could be delusion from losing a lot of blood, but you would’ve sworn you saw a tear fall onto his cheek. ‘The floor was uncomfortable,‘ you explain to him with a grin that looks crooked. You had intended to sound cocky, like the grin you always wore when you had sass wars with Stark. Instead, your words came out desperate. ‘I have a black rug right there,‘ his voice sounds shaky. Steve and Natasha walk over and the lights turn on. They kneel down next to you. ‘What happened to you, y/n,‘ Steve asks you, worried as always. He had always been a great guy. You’re not quite sure why you decided you didn’t like him anymore. ‘I- shit,‘ you cuss at the pain as you try to move yourself to sit up a bit more. Both Steve and Tony jump towards you to support you, but you brush their hands away. The only reason they’re not rushing you to a doctor right now is because they know how stubborn you can be. You take a deep breath. ‘I found something,’ you tell them and point at the bag you dropped a few steps into the common room, ‘it’s in my bag. They came after me.’ Your breathing becomes heavier and suddenly you realize you might actually die today. ‘What’s going on?‘ Bruce comes strolling into the room looking tired more than anything until he notices you on the couch. That man doesn’t ever run, but he damn near sprints towards you. ‘Oh shit. We need to get her medical help.‘ ‘No, you need to get my bag,‘ you tell them sternly, ‘it’s more important than my life.‘ Natasha is the only one who does as you say, although she does it with tears in her eyes. ‘Everything is on the USB,‘ you tell her. She nods and runs off to the lab. It is only then that you take a relaxed breath. ‘Ok, now you can help me.‘ None of the men waste any time getting you to the med bay. While they get things ready, you tell them a self-evaluation as well as your blood type to get them ready faster. It is only then that they realize where most of the bleeding is coming from. ‘Jesus Christ woman,‘ Tony looks at you in awe, ‘you lost half an arm and you still managed to come here?‘ ‘Just patch me up,‘ you snap at him. He nods. ‘On it.‘ He takes off the rag that you clumsily wrapped around it in an attempt to lessen the bleeding. ‘God, that’s nasty,‘ Tony gags but continues on while Steve works on some smaller cuts and Bruce gets some blood ready. ‘Hey Tony,‘ you try to speak but your voice sounds shaky and weak. You feel your consciousness fade away more and more with every breath you take. ‘Yes, dear?‘ ‘If I make it, will you get me a cool metal arm like Bucky’s?‘ ‘Of course. You want the metal metal or the black metal?‘ ‘Metal metal,‘ you smile, ‘that one was way cooler.‘ And suddenly you’re slipping. It’s like one of those dreams where you feel like you’re falling, only you’re not landing. You keep falling and falling and falling and falling and...

. ‘How is she doing?‘ Tony walks into the med bay with three cups of coffee. One for him, one for Bruce who came to do a checkup, and one for Steve who has been here for the last few days without moving. ‘Stable,‘ Bruce says shortly, ‘but Steve told me her heartbeat increased a few times during the night as well as her brain activity.‘ ‘That’s good, right?‘ ‘Better than we could’ve expected.‘ Tony smiles meekly. ‘I guess I better get working on that arm for her.‘ The door slams open and Natasha rushes in. She looks just as exhausted as Steve and both Bruce and Tony doubt she has had any sleep the past days. ‘It’s a weaponized gas,‘ she tells the three, ‘she found out that Hydra is working on a damn weaponized gas. A biological weapon.‘ She takes over one of the screens in the med bay that wasn’t used and projects her findings. ‘I think we all know how zombies work,‘ she starts her explanation, ‘well, Hydra is planning on making the whole world zombies. Not to bend them to their will, but to make them compliant so they can analyze everyone and make the useless kill themselves. The gas dies down after only a week and will be untraceable after.‘ ‘Let’s get to work.‘ . Bruised, tired, and broken Steve sits down at the side of your bed again. The man hasn’t even taken the time to take off his suit or take a shower. Right when the jet landed, he rushed back to you with Bucky following shortly behind to check on him. He smiles at the sight of you while Bucky leans against the doorpost. He’s worried for his friend, as anyone would be. He had known you for a little bit before you left. No one really knows why you left or how you left without a trace. All they knew is what you left on a note and the note really didn’t say much. Just that it was all too much for you. And yet here you are. You just helped save the world from great misery and you don’t even know it. How did all this happen? Steve lets his head hang. ‘Y/n, I don’t know if you can hear me but I need you to know that we did it,’ he tells your unconscious body, ‘we stopped them and no one died except for some Hydra scum. And Stark promised to start working on your arm tomorrow, so you better wake up so his work doesn’t go to waste.’ He looks up at Bucky for a second who seems to have teary eyes as well. Slowly, more Avengers come walking in. Bruce takes a seat at a desk, Tony sits down on top of the desk, Natasha sits down next to Steve, even Sam decided to come to support you even though he doesn’t really know you so he just leans against the doorframe with Bucky, Peter doesn’t know you either but stands behind Bucky and Sam to silently support everyone in the room. ‘I think I speak for all of us when I say we missed you,‘ Steve continues, ‘work has been different without you around. And though we all wanted you back, I don’t think any of us would’ve wanted to see you like this. We miss you.‘ ‘Speak for yourself,‘ Tony comments through tears, ‘she bled on my couch.‘ . Your USB had more information on it than just the gas. Peter and Bruce have been trying to decipher it for a week or two when Peter takes another look at you through the glass walls of the lab. ‘Doctor Bruce, I know it’s a bit strange to ask this late, but who is she?‘ Bruce peeks up from his work and walks over to the kid. He looks through the glass and sees her steady heartbeat and active brain. Your brain had been active for some time now and yet you still weren’t waking up. ‘Y/n Y/l/n,‘ he smiles, ‘think Natasha, but more motherly. In fact, there was this running joke that she would be a great mother but she’d always say she already has too many kids to take care of here. She was a great agent, but one day she just up and left. None of us knew where she went or how she disappeared without a trace but she did. We hadn’t seen her in years when she turned up.‘ Peter nods at his explanation but continues to stare. Lost in thoughts, he starts twiddling with his fingers while Bruce turns back to work. Peter sees Steve come into the med bay like he had done many times this week. Most times he’d stay for an hour or so to talk to her about anything and everything. Some others tried to talk to her too but most got too emotional. Not Steve. If they’d let him, he’d sit there the whole damn day. He’d sleep by her side if the bed was big enough. He was there whenever there was a change in her activities. ‘Why is Steve so fond of her?‘ ‘They were friends. She’s known him from the start and she’s always trusted him,‘ Bruce tells the kid, ‘she trusted him when he found out Hydra was infiltrating Shield, she trusted him when he told her Bucky had saved him, and she trusted him when he said they could trust Bucky. She’s been there for him every step of the way. I think there was something more there but I’m not sure.‘ Peter nods and gets back to work. Steve deserves some privacy with her. So he and Bruce continue to decode Hydra files. . ‘Steve Rogers, the alarm has been set off. There is activity in the kitchen. The activity seems harmless.‘ Steve groans at the sound of Friday’s voice. ‘Why are you waking me?‘ ‘Tony has already been alerted. He asked to wake the others as this might have to do with the USB agent Y/n brought in.‘ That’s all it takes to get Steve on his feet. He quickly puts on the first clothes he finds which are joggers and a T-shirt. He sneaks into the hallway, meeting with Natasha who is already wielding a gun. The two stalk slowly towards the kitchen where it seems someone has put on the lights. They go into high alert. Either this is a very cocky Hydra agent or someone who doesn’t have clearance to be here at night. As they go around the corner they find- ‘Oh, hi,‘ you say casually. They look at you with their jaws on the ground. To be fair, it must be a funny scene. You’re not used to eating with one hand and your bowl keeps slipping away from you every time you dig your spoon a little too deep into the ice cream you found. So you’re sitting hunched over, holding back the bowl with your stump and your elbow on your other arm while instantaneously trying to eat the ice cream. It’s a mess. Or it could be the fact that you’re awake. Who knows? You surely don’t. You honestly feel like you’ve just had a very good night’s rest. ‘What are- Why- How-‘ Steve stutters his words, not really sure how to react to you. ‘It’s ice cream,‘ you tell him, ‘I was hungry, and I’m not quite sure how I’m managing this but it’s going.‘ He looks at you like you’ve just told him you’re a flat earther. He doesn’t understand a thing coming out of your mouth while you’re just answering his questions. Natasha finally lowers her gun. ‘What he means to say is: why the hell are you out of bed and how are you acting so casual when you’ve been in a coma for weeks?’ ‘Weeks? I thought I just slept through the day. I had a really nice dream,‘ you smile, ‘Steve and I were sitting on the rooftop and we were just talking about everything that has been going on these past years. Though I’m sure I imagined most of it.‘ A small smile appears on Steve’s face. You heard him in your sleep. He pulls you into a tight hug and doesn’t let go until Bruce and Tony come running into the kitchen. ‘Y/n is go- oh,‘ Tony looks surprised to see you sitting at the table with a bowl of ice cream. Just as confuses as Steve had looked, if not more. ‘We though you- oh well, that’s fine I guess.‘ ‘Say, Tony, am I still getting that arm because this is terrible,‘ you joke as you attempt to eat the ice cream again. ‘I-‘ he stops himself for a second to reevaluate what he was going to say, ‘no, why the hell are you ok? You’ve been in a coma for weeks.‘ ‘I know. Steve told me,‘ you sigh, ‘honestly, thank you for telling me that. I thought I had lost my strength overnight. I had such a hard time walking.‘ ‘You should rest,‘ Natasha states. ‘Why? You just told me I’ve been in a coma for weeks. I’ve had enough rest,‘ you stubbornly try to cross your arms only to realize you only have 1.5 arms. They watch the smile on your face falter for a second before a yawn leaves your lips. ‘Ok, sure, that’s on me. Where do I sleep? Because I’m not taking the couch if that thing still has dried blood on it.‘ ‘It’s your blood,‘ Tony snaps at you. ‘I know, that doesn’t make it less disgusting.‘ Tony rubs his forehead. Ah, that’s where all his headaches went. You took them with you when you left. ‘You can stay with me,’ Steve offers. You smile. ‘I’d like that.’ . ‘There you go. Try to move your fingers.‘ You marvel at the shiny vibranium arm that is now attached to the remainder of your arm. You don’t try to move quite yet, scared that it might not work and you’ll be excited about nothing. It’s already a strange feeling though. You can see your metal limb, but your body is not understanding that it’s a part of your body. You look at Steve, who is sat next to you, for a second, hoping to get some encouragement from him. He grabs your normal hand and squeezes it gently as he smiles at you. ‘You can do it,’ he tells you but it sounds like a promise. Carefully, you focus on moving a finger. Tony watches hopefully when your index finger starts to move a little bit. You try to move your thumb and watch it move. It still doesn’t register in your head that that is your limb, but it is doing it. Then you try to turn your hand and it works too. And then comes the big thing. Actually lifting your arm. You focus on trying to lift it as hard as you can. It comes off the table just a little bit and suddenly it clicks. ‘Holy shit,‘ you cuss excitedly, ‘Steve, are you seeing this?‘ Steve has tears in his eyes as he watches the excitement double in your face. ‘I am.‘ ‘This is insane. Wow,‘ you awe, moving around more and more, ‘Tony, this is amazing. You are the best.‘ ‘Don’t praise me yet. Try picking something up.‘ Steve puts his cup of coffee down in front of you and you move the metal arm to pick it up. The whole thing looks a bit clumsy, like a baby giraffe walking for the first time, but you’re doing it. You’re actually picking up the cup. ‘Stark, you did it,‘ Steve praises with a huge grin on his face. ‘This is so fucking cool,‘ you look amazed at your arm. ‘Language.‘ ‘Yes cap,‘ you turn to Tony, ‘so what’s next?’ ‘I don’t know, you tell me,’ he says. You look at Steve and frown for a second. He nods. ‘I think I’ve left some loose ends here,’ you tell Tony while continuing to look at Steve, ‘I’d like to get a chance to tie them up.’ ‘Sure, but if Morgan can’t be the flower girl, you’re out.’ Your lips pull into a loving smile, your eyes still glued to Steve. He looks hopeful and that’s all you need. ‘Deal.’

[kinnoth]

The shape that emerges from the explosion of light and wind and thunderous noise is monstrous. Blue-skinned, red-eyed, eight and a half feet tall and motherfucking horned. Wreathed in golden flames and green shadow, it raises its head and looks Fury dead in the eye. Fury feels his fucking gut drop. It looks like a man, it stands like a man -- hell, it probably even fucking shits like a man -- but looking at it is like looking at a manikin, or an automaton, or a fucking dancing bear at the circus. This is a thing that walks on two legs but is no more kin to man than man is kin to a featherless capon.

"Director," Cahill begins, coming up to his elbow, but then the thing roars:

"Where is my brother?"

The words are like nothing Fury has ever heard before, pealing like the cacophony of a thousand shrieking voices. Hands go up over ears, but it's not sound that emerges from the thing's throat but meaning as the words continue ringing, carving like fire through the dry tinder of Fury's brain.

"Answer me."

Fury shakes his head, blinking rapidly, trying to clear his vision. "Hey, whoa," he calls out shakily, trying to find his balance. "Let's take it easy--"

Impact, next to him, as the thing produces a glowing light from the inscrutable shape of its body and a volley of ice and wind blasts out from between its hands. Cahill falls over mid-yell, shattering like glass as he hits the ground.

"Jesus Christ!"

Fury's guys clamor for their guns, even as Fury hits the deck, ducking his head beneath his arms and flattening himself into the New Mexico dust. "Fire!" someone yells. "Open fire!"

The thing doesn't even flinch as twenty-six of SHIELD's best agents empty their magazines into its bare, snarling face. Bullets fall at its feet like little metal raindrops as it opens its hands once more, and the air fills again with a terrible cold.

"What have you done with him?"

Fury waves his hand above his head. "No!" he shouts. "Cease fire! Cease fire!" but there's another aborted scream and another horrifying tinkle of a human body splintering like smashed china. Fury grits his teeth. "Look we don't know what you're talking--"

"Director Fury, look out!" A blast of frost slams into the turret behind him and Fury scrambles to his feet. He jumps out of the way just before the tower crumbles down on top of him.

"Calling all aerial bombers," he hears over the radio comm. "We have a level 6 on the northwest side of the hammer site, repeat--" but then the ground is swelling beneath him and blades of ice erupt from the desert sand. Fury is nearly six feet into the air before he can react and get the fuck out of the way.

"Where is Thor?"

Fury's vision runs red with a glaze of his own blood. His ears buzz with a sensation like feedback static. Thor? The name means nothing to him. The old weapons system? Fury thinks wildly. The Greek god?

His mind whirling, Fury puts two and two together and gets three point five, but context and a lack of additional options get him the rest of the way. "Go," he gasps to the hands that grab at him -- to Agent Jarrett, the body trying to shield him from attack. "That John Doe, go get the body, quick--"

Jesus Christ, he is too old for this. This was supposed to be the whole point of the motherfucking Initiative. Fury was supposed to put together a nice team, do a couple of nice speeches, and then sit his ass down behind a nice fucking desk somewhere and enjoy his fucking pension while the young people dealt with this shit.

He stands again, with difficulty -- there's a deep gash across his left hamstring, bleeding freely, not severing the tendon, but close -- but this time he puts some cover between himself and the fucking crossfire. He takes off his belt and ties it off high on his thigh with a vicious yank, cussing loudly. Fucking alien invasions. He is not getting paid enough to try to talk down alien fucking invasions.

He wipes his face, sucks in a lungful of cold, dusty air, thinks about his 25 year fucking bank of unspent PTO and then commands with his full voice and fuck of a lot more vim, "I said cease fire!"

The shooting stops. The figure stands there, with its hands full of cold light and crackling with ice, but it -- he, most likely, unless he and Fury's John Doe are both from some race of giant women -- stops too.

"Your brother is dead," Fury says as clearly and as carefully as he is able. The man's blue face goes stiff and stricken. Fury adds hastily, "We don't know why someone wanted him dead, but we are trying to find who's responsible--"

"You have murdered the Crown Prince of Asgard," the giant says blankly. His blood red eyes blink once and then refocus with a savage clarity. His voice breaks, something like tears streaking silver down his lined face, "You have murdered the jewel of the House of Odin and you do not even know know why?"

It is not ice this time that emerges from the giant's hands and Fury begins to feel hot. A hiss like steam escaping from high pressure and then a crack -- and then the earth beneath the hammer site compound belches and starts boil.

"Then I shall hold you all responsible," the man pronounces plainly with an ominous calm. "And you can all pay for it together."

Fury's agents are clambering up onto rocks and the hoods of their vehicles. Fury steps lively and follows suit, the soles of his boots already beginning to slough. "Ok! I get it!" he says urgently, making conversation, buying time. "We're sorry he's dead, but this is all a big misunderstanding. We don't even know who you are--"

"I am Loki," the man says. He lifts his arms and his feet leave the dust and the ground leaves with him. "King of Asgard and Jotunheim, once god to this worthless realm--"

Odin? Jotunheim? That's Germanic; Scandinavian? Fury thinks: is this some fucking Hansel and Gretel, fairytale shit? But he doesn't have any time to ponder it further.

"Listen to me, listen to me!" Fury snaps, clinging to the wobbling chassis of his floating SUV. "We have also lost people! We will find your brother's killer--"

From over the radio, he gets two messages at once. "Sir," someone says into his right ear, "we have the body, tower two," and "Sir," someone says into his left, "sixty seconds until the bombers are in place."

Fury spins around to see behind him. Two of his guys are in the north tower, holding up their hands, a canvas litter balanced on the ledge and the six-foot-six block of solid muscle that is their John Doe stretched between them. Fury turns back around. He takes a deep breath.

"Hey, King of Ass Guard!" he bellows. Even above the groan of shattering earth, his voice carries. "I'm giving you one chance all right? Put us down, gently--"

Loki screams with the staccato beat of what must pass for laughter among his kind. "Or else what, mortal man?" he intones, and the wind whips up higher, sending debris and rocks the size of fists spiraling into the air. Fury has to shield his single eye or fucking lose it.

"Or else we dropkick your brother, asshole."

He thrusts out his arm and signals his guys in the tower. The body tips off of the parapet. He watches King Loki's ugly face fucking drop.

"Thor," Fury hears him breathe, and then the storm just fucking stops. Fury crashes down to the ground, bouncing off the hood of his Ford Explorer, denting it with his shoulder the full weight of his body falling out of the sky. The air knocks out of him and he feels his humerus fucking snap. Fuck. He lays back, stunned by the pain, staring up into the bright southwest sunset and trying to remember to breathe. He doesn't know if they can even fit any more screws into that fucking arm. Fuck.

A green blur passes above him and Fury barely has the shits left to follow it, but he lifts his head with an incurious commitment to fact-finding and watches King Loki catch his dead brother out of the air and bring the body safely to the ground.

"Oh," he hears, and it is an actual voice this time, not that trumpeting, discordant nightmare of knowledge being blasted into his brain. That's a voice belonging to a thing that is not a man, but stands like one, walks like one, falls like one. Cries like one, huddled in the dirt, rocking on its knees.

"Nej," he hears, but none of the rest of it, as Loki gabbles to himself in his low, wet voice, scooping that linebacker of a body up into his arms as if it weighs no more than a child. His skin drains of its unsettling blue hue, and his face loses its geometric lines and shapes. The horns are a helmet, which he sweeps off of his head as he puts his face into the neck of the corpse. "Min bror," Fury understands, because he remembers enough German from his Cold War days to figure it out. "Mitt hjerte."

First real alien invasion since fucking Roswell and it's just a white guy? Fury thinks absently as he resigns himself to the end. Seriously? He sits back down and let's his body come to a rest, and he thinks about the twelve year old scotch he's been saving for the past ten years, sitting at the bottom of his desk drawer, always waiting for a tomorrow that just wouldn't come. He thinks about his sister and her son, who must be at least fifteen by now, who he hadn't had the time to watch grow up and now he won't see grow into a man.

Over the radio, the bomber pilot buzzes in with a thready, "Sir, we have a lock on the target."

Fury meets Jarrett's swollen eyes from across the field. She nods and then puts her head down into her hands.

He sighs and picks up his radio. Wearily he orders, "Fire when ready," and waits for hell to come to man.

He shuts his eyes and listens for the terrible whistle of falling death, but then, "Did you really think that your pathetic weapons could do me harm?" scrawls across his frontal lobe just a moment before the earth and sky and the very marrow of his bones rock with an explosion of fire. Fury covers his head reflexively, but when he looks up, flames spreads over a silver netting in the sky, and King Loki walks past him, his brother cradled to his chest, moving as slowly and deliberately as a one man funeral procession.

"You cannot hurt me," Loki says quietly, almost as if to himself. "No one can hurt me now."

"Director! What's happening down there!" demand the tinny voices over the radio, but Fury ignores them, turns instead to focus on Loki's receding figure.

"Wait," he says, his voice hoarse. "Wait is that it? What about the murderer?"

Loki does not stop or turn. "You will find him and deliver him here to me," he says blandly. "I shall be back after the funeral. You have twelve hours." He steps into the circle of runes burned into the sand and kneels. His face is turned to his brother's face, his fingers trailing over his hair, his lips, his eyes seemingly blind to everything else.

Fury shakes his head. "That's no time at all, that's fucking crazy," he protests. "What if we can't find him in twelve hours?"

Loki shrugs. He turns his creepy, smooth face and looks back at Fury over his shoulder. "Then I will crush this miserable realm into dust. You will be atomized. No one will even know you ever existed."

He looks up into the sky. "I shall see you in the morning, Nicholas Fury," he says, and light explodes around him.