#The good thing is it really is going to be okay - I am certain of this - and joy comes in the morning. Or at least a nearby morning
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siena-sevenwits · 1 day ago
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💜💜💜
Hey, do you want a hug, my friend? This is a hug for you. It's going to be okay. Really.
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shydroid3000 · 2 days ago
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#i keep thinking about this & cartesian dualism #like light. your body is YOU. #every part of it is YOU. your body is not just a cage for your mind#death note
@dancing-lex Your tags are making me think about something: So yeah, super yes with the Cartesian dualism connection. And in that vein.... Descartes framed non-human animals as automata who were not thinking/feeling but mechanistic. This view he used to justify vivisection on live animals, which he practiced/advocated for. (Now, vivisection was a common scientific practice then, but Descartes was notable for arguing that non-human animals did not actually feel pain or anything else, and thus something like vivisection was akin to taking apart a machine). Which..... I mean, can't help but remind me of the King of Justification, Light Yagami, ya know?? I mean, Descartes justifying vivisection as an act that was like totally fine and not something to feel bad about *at all*... is not that unlike Light going to great lengths to justify murdering (initially) two people, and then tens of thousands more. 'Cause murder is bad, but... the world is rotten and *his* specific kind of murder of a specific *kind* of person will actually make the world a better place. And he's the only one who could do it, so really it's his responsibility to. And I mean, vivisection did bring advancements and benefits for human society (and animal testing continues). And Kira brought certain ostensible benefits too. But in both cases, they rely on a fundamental devaluation of certain kinds of life. And with Descartes, a devaluation that involved reducing non-human life to nothing more than mechanical, things that experienced no more of an inner life than a clock. And while that's obviously not what Light thinks, it does feel like there's a sort of undercurrent of something similar there for him. I mean, the way he uses certain people around him as though, to him, they were simply tools (Misa, Takada, Mikami...). And the people he kills... the way they're engaged with mostly as just a category to him, rather than full individuals each with their own inner lives. I mean, in a way, he takes this sort of mechanistic view of the whole of human society. Something for Kira to take apart and reform so that it operates more smoothly. And like Descartes cutting into a living being, it really is okay for Light/Kira to slice into human society, remove an eye (for an eye), even stop its heart. And it's okay to not feel bad about the screams, really, because... well, he's God of the New World, and this is what a god does, and he's still *good* deep down, because it's all for a greater good. After all, humans are to a God kind of like what other animals are to a human, right? So he doesn't have to hurt inside when he hears whispers of screams on the wind, sees life fading from eyes in each sunset... right? Anyway, the framework of Cartesian dualism is really interesting to think about. It almost seems like to Light, he and L are the only two people he truly, truly conceives of as thinking beings in a way that really 'counts'. (Putting aside perhaps his family who I do think he values in his certain way). Like, other people walk around in their bodies having thoughts and feelings. But Light and L are minds, rational minds, in a way that transcends the more embodied existence of other humans. Anyway this feels so rambly and messy haha. It's very late (/early in the morning haha) where I am, so it may not entirely be coherent and I don't have the mental power to re-read and edit it haha. But your tags got my brain spinning, because the Cartesian dualism framework is an interesting lens to view Light through..!
Light is someone who perceives a very strong separation between the body and the mind, and is very disconnected from his own body. And I do wonder if, by nature of them being so similar, this is something he projects onto L as well; & helps him divorce the thought of the death of L's body (ie. his shell) from the death of L's mind (ie. his true self). So Light kills the body, the part of L that isn't really him, to incapacitate his mind, not kill it. He's compartmentalized it in such a way where he doesn't have to think of death as being true death.
It isn't until Light is about to die himself that he is able to mentally bridge the connection between his body & his own conscious existence, and realize what it really means to die.
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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 6 months ago
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it’s contemplating if i should change my major even though i’m graduating in december hours….. again
#it’s like. ugh. okay so psychology is interesting but i don’t work well with people but i find things so fascinating and i just want to#do a bunch of experiments and research but to do that takes like a doctorates and shit and also idrc abt most psychology i’m specifically#interested in sex so like maybe i should switch to a different science for that but like i’m v interested in gender/sexuality n shit#which u wouldn’t really get w like bio but i don’t particularly want to be working with people all the time u know? like being a#sex counselor or a therapist that specializes in gender-related shit would be interesting but like idk i just want to become an expert#and write one million papers but ough a doctorates needed for that and it’s hard to find a doctoral program that specializes in sexology#like the ones i have found require a masters and i did find a masters i’m really interested in but also going straight for#a doctorate would be faster and i love speed but idk#my main issue is that i have so many interests and i believe i can be good at any of them but idk what i want to commit to u know#bc i am an academic at heart i do want to write a lot of papers and do studies and make moves in whatever field i choose but also i want#to draw pictures all day and take photos and shit but ugh art doesn’t make money :/#idk#but i mean like i’ve said before i can always drop out of school and become a professional clown <-kinda considering doing that#after i graduate and pushing my masters back a bit for it but idk. probs not bc of certain life shit but it’d be fun
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im-smart-i-swear · 1 year ago
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Does Jiro has ghost like abilities (possession, ability to levitate things, etc etc) or does she just live in Shiro's head?
when i created this au, i thought the best option would be for her to be unable to interact with the physical world in any way(including possesion), beacuse i really wanted to lean into her isolation and how it affects her....... and while thats something i still want to emphasise here, lately ive been toying with the idea of jiro being able to impact the physical world somehow(though it still being fairly limited). i think letting her have some control could have a lot of potential! buuuut i also have no idea what abilities i want her to have lol
For now i think im not gonna give her any telekinetic abilities, bc i feel like it would be giving her too much power......... if she could throw shit, shed go APESHIT with it. it would made things too easy for her. i'm sorry babygirl but i'm NOT giving you the possibilty to throw knives and other sharp objects, i dont trust you to not kill someone:/
i really like the idea of her being able to temporarily posses her old body in certain circumstances tho- maybe when shiros uncouncious?? or like when hes is very tired or heavily injured she can kind of 'squeeze through' and take control back for a few minutes???? idk. i think this could be a very cool ability to give her- it cant be frequently used but can also be very helpful, and also theres so much potential for ✨shenanigans✨here>:) oh god i could put these fuckers in so many Situations with this..........
uhhh. so basically i think all of her influence on the physical world are through shiro. shes here bc of her connection to her old body, and thus its the only way for her to interact with anyone besides him- and shes NOT HAPPY about this(neither is shiro).
#ask#thank you for this ask!! it made me think more in depth about jiros abilities and come up with this so thanks<33333#if you have any ideas pls share them with me cause im still not really 100% set on everything lol#also im making a new tag for this au ->#two disasters au#bc. theres two of them.. and theyre both Mentally Unwell#also im gonna use this ask as an excuse to ramble about jiros motivation and character a bit-#okay. so i feel like the most importrant things about jiro are her tunnel vision and self-rightiousness#she gets really focused on one thing at a time and then fixates on it so much that she doesnt see how her behavior affects others#so when she gets evicted from her own body her first reaction isnt 'oh god this is such a messed up and dehumanizing thing to do to your#friend. what the FUCK guys'#its instead 'oh COME ON how am i supposed to be the black paladin without a physical body??? what the FUCK guys'#and bc deep down she KNOWS that if she ever stopped and thought about her situation for like 5 seconds shed just fuckin BREAK. so. she#doesnt do that.#and bc her self worth hinges on being the black paladin#she is really protective of tha title and tries her hardest to make sure shiro knows just how much better at paladin-ing she is than him#and that he wouldnt be able to keep the role without her help#she doesnt have any sense of personhood besides her job and so she clings to it desperately#the same applies to her gender#when jiro gets a new body(did i mention that???? i feel like i forgot to mention that. whoopsie???) he#(sometimes im gonna use he/him for jiro for when im showing things from a certain characters perspective cause thats what pronouns#she was using at the time)(if thats not okay i can stop tho) was trying very hard to pretend that hes just Shiro No. 2 and nothing more#to kinda 'make things easier for everyone' and bc he could FEEL the gender crisis approaching and was just. dead set on ignoring it and#hoping those feelings would go away(spoiler- they very much didnt. it just made things so so much Worse)#so anyway. basically jiro is a person obsesed with being Good Enough and respected but also lacks the experience patience and foresight#wnich results in her ignoring everyone and everything else to focus on doing her job Correctly#does this makes sense?? im still figuring shit out with her but thats what ive got rn
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weezerlvr228 · 4 months ago
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It's giving the...main character syndrome. like who tf does she think she is??? Y/N???
NO OH MY GOSH ANON. LET ME TELL YOU. LET ME FRIGGIN TELL YOU.
#okay so i need to give her a name. we will call her yn bc she is just so different and quirky and not like other girls#so i haven't liked yn since freshman year (am a junior) because she seemed incredibly pretentious. she has like awards n stuff for this#asian advocation group and tons of other stuff which is GOOD. but she has a tendency to brag and be very cocky about it.#AND YOU KNOW WHAT. IT WASNT JUST ME. MY FRIEND FROM SEMINAR who we will call Pie for certain reasons (her name rhymes with it) AGREED WITH#ME ABOUT YN BEING COCKY! and Pie and Yn are in the same group since they are both Asian and ppl at my school typically hang out w their rac#is that racist? like there's an asian boys group and asian girls group. but it's only asians and white people; but it's weird since a large#portion of my school is hispanic. i dunno WEIRD SIDE TANGENT BUT BASICALLY THEY ARE IN THE SAME GROUPS; RIGHT? so Pie was agreeing that Yn#can be very pretencious; and I'm then like#oh i don't really like her for the cheating stuff she did with Mac (fake name) and how she got#him to basically cheat on his girlfriend“ and Pie says ”oh well Mac started it; but Yn lead him on for over a month while he had a gf#and they kept this going until Yn decided to break things off; WHICH MEANS MAC'S NOW EX GIRLFRIEND NEVER KNEW ABOUT ANYTHING W MAC N YN!#also allegedly according to my boyfriend; Yn was doing homework as Mac was yk DOING it to Yn and she just like... LET IT HAPPEN WHILE HE HA#A GIRLFRIEND. HELLO? and when Yn ends it; he's like “omg but yn... i love you...” “no. i'll only hurt you; if you're with me it'll only hur#uh okay 25k words slowburn vibes.... ANYWAYS so she takes screenshots and sends them in a SUPER big groupchat with 20+ people (including Pi#and my boyfriend) and Pie (who was childhood friends with Mac) called her out saying how it was also kind of her fault for being with a guy#who was in a relationship; but she got super defensive about it. and this same thing happened AGAIN 2ish months later with a girl Jas and#her boyfriend Ben; where Yn was friends with both but basically was emotionally cheating with Jas; leading them to break up; and then she#GOT WITH JAS. HELLO???? WHAT??? and they r still together. none of them talk to Ben even though Yn said they were 'all cool and friends'#SUREEEE GIRL SURE. KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT. and Pie called her out on this AGAIN since Pie is friends with Ben and Jas too but Yn got#defensive AGAIN! BC SHE KNOWS ITS A SHITTY THING TO DO! and Pie doesn't really like her because of it and when Pie told me all of that I wa#in shock. because Yn was trying to play the victim in the situation with Mac when she sent the messages to the gc; and tried to do that AGA#N BUT IN THE SITUATION WITH JAS LIKE NO U ARE JUST A CRAPPY PERSON ! and appearently she is SO toxic she was nearly kicked out from a#leadership role at my school's asian pacific islander club or something! like girl WAKE UP! but that's not all; so i didn't know she was#known for going for people who had partners; yet still didn't like her; and last school year (about 4 months ago) my boyfriend got a 'reall#bad haircut' (i thought it was cute; but everyone made fun of him ) and Yn RAN around our campus trying to find him to make fun of him..#like wtf that's so weird and she will post screenshots of their convos on her story and be like 'omg he's bullying me!' when he's being dry#and did that in the gc (this time; i'm in it!) and i crashed out but my bf was apologizing and saying he told her to not post anything but#she didn't listen or something i guess. and sometimes when they are wearing similar outfits she'll post on her story that they are matching#um girl he has a wife and 12 kids. back the FUCK off. and i told him to distance himself from her or set boundries cuz i don't like that n#it makes me uncomfy; so he did which is good! but i still don't like Yn. she is a major pick-me IMO and very two-faced and covers her
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inkskinned · 8 months ago
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it's because the bear wouldn't kill me just for being a woman. the bear doesn't kill me for fun. the bear can be shouted at, and will leave me alone. the bear won't make a tiktok complaining about how i crossed to the other side of the path when i saw him coming. if a bear kills me, it's just being a bear: it cannot understand logic. it is not acting out of malice - just fear or hunger.
bell hooks once wrote about how porches might be the only outside space left for women - it is still the domain of the house while it is also outside-but-safe. when i am in the woods, i am in the bear's home, and he has a right to defend his property. outside spaces - anywhere at night, certain parks in the day - those are often implicitly "owned" by men. i cannot explain the feeling of knowing when you have entered a man's "territory." you walk into a place and just know you are in their space. you get a sick sense - you're in danger.
the other day a group of about 8 men were fooling around in the woods while i walked my dog. i had to go around, take the extra 3 miles just to avoid them. it's okay, i like walking. this wasn't even a #feminism moment. it was just a tuesday.
what a plain and easy question. only one of the situations is seen as a tragic accident. i would rather die and have a park bench erected in my honor rather than have my family questioned about why they let me, an adult, walk in the woods in the first place when i should really be at home in the kitchen.
i worked in retail and food service. i have had women say and do absolutely heinous and abusive things to me - not because i was a woman, but because i was there, and they were angry. the way men treated me when angry was different - it was because i was a woman. you can always feel the difference, how there's an undertone of i'd hurt you worse if i could get away with it. i keep seeing people try to cite stupid statistics. why is there always a strange rage whenever women agree on things? like men can argue their way out of our lived experiences? it isn't a buzzfeed quiz - which of these traumas are you? 10 super cute ways not to fear strange men.
i have actually (thrice!) seen a bear in the wild, by the way. i died each time, obviously, and am a ghost writing to you. (it was scary but completely and utterly fine). the second encounter was a black bear with her cub. she looked at me like - do we have to do this or are we good? my dog was busy sniffing a bush, completely nonreactive. i felt like i was in a sitcom: feminist poet reacts - does she actually mean she'd choose the bear? my only thought was - she's so beautiful. her paws are massive.
and there's a part of me that feels the rage spinning out in a corner. why do we have to come up with quippy little comments in order to teach men empathy. would you rather die in a car accident or due to a mugging? and would you rather your house burn down due to an electrical fire or due to arson? gee willikers - it's almost like we're human people, and want to risk the accident versus the intention.
i would rather my last thought be oh shit, a bear rather than i'm a person too. why doesn't that matter? why don't you care?
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biromanticwritergal · 1 year ago
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I have no idea what I'm going to do for NaNoWriMo this year. I feel very uninspired lately.
I just want to do well in my class and my energy has been low lately (season change on my new medicine, I'm guessing???). I need some energy because it's Shakespeare and I need to keep my grades up to stay in the honors society (no pressure lol).
Much More in the tags as per usual... :P
#also it's grad school so C's are effectively F's which is fun#I got into the honor's society this term but wow I don't know how I managed that (truly)#I switched medications half way through grad school so I feel like a different person wrote that Anne Bronte paper even though it was me!!!#sorry but Shakespeare is not my favorite but he's better than other stuff I've read lately#I'm more of a Romantics/Victorian reader but I like the history aspect of the middle ages and renaissance so I can probs get INTO it#I read A Little Life right before class started and yikes yikes yikes- it's the worst thing I've read in a while :(#I try to read some popular literature as well as the classics#I try to understand why certain books are popular but sometimes it misses me entirely#maybe my taste is really bad but that book could have been better if Jude's suffering wasn't so drawn out (800+ pages...)#it became too much for me tbh#the best book (play) I've read in a while is Richard III#again probably my bad taste but so far Richard III is the top Shakespeare play#I am reading 8 of his plays for my class so we'll see how they all compare- if anyone is interested in that?#King Lear was not as good imo and I have to rewatch/reread Henry V before I can offically give my opinion of that one#my paper is going to be on Richard and Henry so you will probably get shit posts about them and their plays#you're welcome I guess?#maybe I'll post some pictures of the new (used) books I bought off my beloved thriftbooks? It's been a while since I've done that#I feel like I haven't posted any updates in a while so here they are#hope everyone is doing at least okay if not great- it's a weird season#irl updates#grad school#mychatter
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ranboolivesaysstuff · 1 year ago
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HEY! Just because I am now 20 I think having something to kind of re establish boundaries would be good! Considering the ones I put all those times ago have changed :D GENERAL RULES! Do not be racist, sexist, homophobic, antisemitic, ableist, or discriminatory against anyone for any reason. Please if someone is calling you out for things you have done or said, please self-reflect and take the proper steps to change or remove yourself from the community. If you see something you do not like, and it IS MADE WORSE BY BRINGING ATTENTION TO IT, THEN IGNORE IT! Bringing attention to problems that just arent really problems with either the community or me in general are not worth it! Please use common sense when thinking about what/what not to engage with! I personally wish that people in the community do NOT engage with people who just obviously do not like me! Chances are they want a reaction from it so it is MUCH better to just not argue with someone whos mind you will not change! ALLOW CRITICISM OF ME AND MY CONTENT! IF YOU DONT AGREE OR DONT LIKE THEN DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT!!!! ALL IT WILL DO IS CAUSE UNESSICARY DRAMA!!! DO NOT make ANY comments or content about me that is explicitly sexual. I completely understand that lately there have been bits due to the changes in how I’ve been presenting myself and how I’ve been presenting more femininely, but that does not allow anyone to use that as an excuse to sexualize any features and such that are more feminine or masculine. Remember that femininity is not sexual and should not be seen or created as such just because its there! (for example, the Vtuber costume and chat being overly weird over the added boobs where there was no need for it). DO NOT draw me in ways that are sexual either, such as highlighting any aspects in a sexual way, or making the content something sexual. I am completely okay with being drawn as any body type, masculine presenting or feminine presenting, as long as you stick to this! PLEASE DO NOT SPECULATE ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE!!! Making jokes about certain topics CAN be fine, but a line is crossed when it becomes a legitimate speculation or if a joke is said when I have expressed my discomfort! RESPECT MY FRIENDS!!! All of my friends are their own, incredible people. And they do not deserve to be lumped in or referred to as JUST "my friend". Be respectful in their chats even when im not there, and be respectful to all of them everywhere else! IF SOMEONE IS TRYING TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU MAY BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG PLEASE LISTEN!!! There has been a lot of times in which I have seen people be unwilling to change in the face of a genuine discussion, and that is not something I want in the community! I should NOT have to police every single thing because it should NOT take me saying something in order to change your mind! As my words are not worth more or less when it comes to a lot of subjects! And lastly, do good. Whenever you have the ability to. BE POSITIVE!!! The hater mindset is very draining and can be very toxic to both you and the people around you, so highlight the good instead of the bad if you have the ability to! I am so incredibly proud of how far this community has come, and I cannot wait for the future!!! I have spent some time writing this, but it may not be perfect, so I will update this as time goes on and I think of more, or if something needs to be SUPER cleared up, but for now these are the main ones! I will NOT be updating this after every little thing however, as I do not want you guys to feel like the only way that something is wrong is if I talk about it! As you guys should be able to sustain yourself as a community without my consistent input! Imma go enjoy my birthday by eating a pizza :) thank you all!
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yougavememyopia · 1 month ago
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Continuation of this. A bit suggestive at the end.
Loser yandere was on his knees, begging for forgiveness. He got ahead of himself. Sucking your fingers like a perverted freak. He looked up at you with glassy eyes, pouting just slightly. He didn't mind your pity. In fact, he wanted it. The worst he made himself look, the more you let things pass.
You sighed, ultimately having no choice but to forgive him. He looked so sad, so lonely. Like a stray puppy begging for attention. Why wouldn't you spare his feelings? He had no real friends. It made sense that he didn't know how to act properly.
Except he did. He was just manipulating you, saying the right things to make you cave and hang out with him. He would speak with a certain depressed tone that would melt your heart, and when you agreed, he would become extremely happy. Cheering and overreacting. A great excuse to excitedly hug you. Throw his arms around your shoulders and get lost in your scent.
He was strangely smart. Using both negative and positive reinforcement. Getting you to say yes to avoid making him sad, and making you feel content by his contagious smile. All part of his plan that'll eventually end with you two happily engaged.
Even if that strategy didn't work, he'd just whine and beg. He knew you couldn't take it. You would glare at him, and he'd feel a strange sensation through his body. Sometimes, he wondered how being hit by you would feel like. Or maybe with your hand wrapped around his throat.
Given how much he bothered you, it was a miracle you were still friends with him. It wasn't all that bad. You somehow had fun hanging around with him, laughing at his silly jokes. He'd take you to so many places. Always making sure you were enjoying your time so you'd come back for more!
When you weren't in public, he'd get clingy. It was obvious he was touch-starved and a big attention seeker. He wanted to have you touch him, get close to him, and pay attention to him. Only him.
"I can't get this stupid button undone... Can you help me take this shirt off? Come onnn, it's way too hot in this room..."
"Look how good I smell. Come on, sniff my neck. It's a new thing I bought. It smells like your favorite!"
"I'm so hungry, and my hands are all tired. Ughh.. Can you feed me a snack? I'll open my mouth wide for you. Aaah~"
He'd still bug you about the kiss. Not ever talking about the incident afterwards. Those few months of reinforcement should've made you softer to him. He should've been able to get you to agree. But you stayed determined to deny him.
"I want a kiss already... Why can't you, my bestest friend, show me how it feels~? All of these movies have one. I'm being reminded of how much of a loser I am every single day." He grumpily said to himself as you both watched a weird horror movie. The scared couple on the screen made out to relieve their stress... or something. It was a strange movie he (purposely) picked.
"Can't you fucking understand?! It'll change this whole relationship. I told you that a million times." You crossed your arms, darting your gaze from the movie to him.
He sighed. You sighed. Then you exchanged a look. "Alright. Fine. You're not gonna stop asking, are you? Just promise me you won't act all awkward after it."
He lit up, nodding eagerly. "Really?! Oh, wow! Thank you. Thankyouthankyouthankyou! You're the best! Seriously. A life saver~"
"Shut it." You groaned, watching the last bits of the movie with the characters escaping.
"Yes, ma'am. You got it." He climbed on your lap. That made you stiff a bit, looking at him with a confused look. He set his legs on your sides, his arms wrapping around your neck. "How is this gonna work? Can you please do it very slowly?"
"Eh...? Okay. Whenever you're ready." You wrapped your arm around his waist, not knowing what else to do with them. He hummed happily. His face came closer to you, and somehow, you felt nervous. You shrugged it off, letting him kiss you at his own pace.
"Here I go..." he whispered, his nose rubbing against yours.
He pressed a small peck on your lips as if to test out how it feels. Before you could correct him, he kissed you again. This time longer and harder. You squeaked at the suddenness, forced to lean back against the couch as he began to lick your lips, asking for entry.
You reluctantly opened your mouth, and he wasted no time. Pushing his tongue inside your mouth. Lapping at anything he could find. Your tongue brushed against each other, eliciting a moan from him. His hand held the back of your head to keep you from pulling away. Shifting a bit on your lap, whimpering against your lips.
He kept licking your tongue, sucking on it. He moaned again when you finally returned the kiss. His movements were clumsy, making it easier for you to take control. After a minute, he pulled away, panting as he buried his face into your neck. He seemed embarrassed, and so you hugged his waist tighter.
He moaned against your neck. "Ah.. that felt so nice. Mmh, shit..."
"Yeah... you got a little ahead of yourself, y'know. It was supposed to be a simple kiss. I never said tongue was allowed." You pointed out. Rolling your eyes, because you knew he didn't care.
"You never said it wasn't." He sat up to look you, tilting his head innocently. "I would've listened to you if you said it."
"No, you wouldn't have." You mumbled.
"You also didn't say I can't go for another one~!" He leaned in again and captured your lips in another kiss. You protested, hands gripping his shoulders now to push him away. He whined, sucking your lips as if that would change your mind. "But, please, just one more. I still haven't learned the proper technique yet."
You were beginning to understand that he had a different reason for overstepping boundaries. The way he kissed you, the way he tried to savor your taste, the way his pressed his body against yourself. It was like he was trying to devour you. Trying to be one with you.
He moaned loudly when he pulled away. His body was shaking a bit, his eyes dilating. Something pressed against your stomach. You didn't need to look down to see what it was. "Um... Oops?"
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moonlit-imagines · 6 months ago
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Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s child
Tony Stark x child!reader
warnings: alcohol ment,
a/n: so i just really think that the concept of tony having the party kid as opposed to nerdy avenger kid would be a really cool idea to explore teehee. most of this does actually take place pre-avengers tho!!
prompt:
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you we’re quite the exhausting kid
“is this really how it felt to raise me?” -tony
many of nights he’d find your bed empty, you’d snuck out to go have your fun as teenagers do
“yeah, boss, i imagine it was” -happy
you always showed back up in one piece (like him) and besides a little slap on the wrist you didn’t get much discipline
actually, it usually went like:
“so, where did you go off to last night?” -tony
“a party” -you
“really? didn’t want to loop me in before you snuck out…again?”
“last time i told you about a party you showed up!”
“uh—yeah, but it’s not like i went all dad on you and dragged you away or anything”
“yeah, you joined the party and offered to buy teenagers more booze”
“hey, they all loved you after that! and they couldn’t get enough of my classic dance moves” -tony, jokingly doing the sprinkler with one arm “but seriously, let me know next time”
“we’ll see about that” -you
^the above conversion went about the same every time
sometimes for entertainment purposes you’d try a little harder, throw a few pillows under the covers to make it look like you were still home to put a smile on tony’s face
“aw, y/n reminds me so much of me” -tony
tony was still partying at this point so you’d flip the script on him from time to time
“you were out late” -you
“what are you, a cop? leave me alone. actually, can you get me some aspirin and water?” -tony
“sure, one or two” -you
“make it three” -tony
he would nurse your occasional hangovers (what a great dad!)
okay, he didn’t always know when you were gone. he was busy a lot of the time with his own business and extracurriculars so you guys did just kinda do your own thing for certain stretches of time
honestly you could be a bit of a klepto in the best of ways
but only to tony and only for fun
“oh, great, where’s my car?” -tony
“which one?” -pepper
“the black one!” -tony
“be more specific” -pepper
“the only one missing from my garage!” -tony
“yeah, i know, just wanted to give you some more time to think about it” -pepper
“i changed the code on the lockbox like, five times this week. did they hotwire it?” -tony
“we are talking about your kid, right? pretty sure they just hacked it” -pepper
“i am…so proud” -tony
you MAY have gotten a few close calls with authorities, but nothing tony couldn’t handle
and up until tony’s accident, the phrase “you’re going to give me a heart attack” was silly and endearing
“you might actually give me a heart attack, y/n, give a guy some warning or just say please for god’s sake” -tony, now comes with an arc reactor in his chest
“sorry” -you
“what—huh—didn’t hear ya, wanna say that a little louder?” -tony, very sarcastically
i tell ya when he got that armor u couldn’t tell if u were gonna flip out at him or invite him to a party
or steal it for…you didn’t even know what
but tony was 3 steps ahead of you when all this came to be
and you weren’t very interested in weapons, still just parties and dumb fun for you
“dad, i dont wanna be a nerd, will you just let me go out?” -you
“come on! just help me in the lab a few hours, what’s it gonna hurt?” -tony
“my social status” -you
“might i remind you you’re a stark? i think you’ll live if you miss one party” -tony
“you’d be surprised” -you
“hey, i almost died! give your old man a break” -tony
once tony got involved with SHIELD and the avengers he got even busier really
and in came the parenting advice from fury, clint, nat, steve
“hey, i don’t see you raising a teenager, back off” -tony
*clint side eye*
steve once tried to give you a good talking to, but you reminded him a great bit of your father with your stubbornness
“you done? i dont think you should be giving out any parenting tips fresh off the ice” -you
tony was kind of proud of you for sticking to your guns
especially around such powerful people
but you had a knack for that and could do it to practically anyone
mostly because you felt like an invincible teenager since you were raised by tony, who also thought himself an invincible teenager at one point
u tried to tone down giving tony grief when he started having panic attacks
since u accidentally caused a few by pushing boundaries and staying out for several nights in a row
cuz as tony gained more enemies, he thought you’d be in more danger
which was true
“happy, you’re y/n’s personal bodyguard” -tony
“no!” -you
“uh, cool? any fun parties planned tonight? i’ll be the designated driver. god knows i’ve been tony’s too many times” -happy
taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @locke-writes // @sweetheartlizzie07 // @queen-destenie // @johnmurphyisqueer // @captainshazamerica // @ravenmoore14 // @canarypoint // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @swanimagines // @randomfandomimagine // @petersgroupie // @summersimmerus // @scarthefangirl // @bad4amficideas // @sheridans-dynamos // @simsrecs // @prettysbliss // @skdkdkckfk // @simp-legend // @wild-rose-35 // @nekoannie-chan // @evilcr0ne // @v0idl1nq // @ruvaakke // @thedarkqueenofavalon // @amirahiddleston // @beth-gallagher22 // @brutal-out-here // @rqmanoff // @elenavampire21 // @mymelodymia // @pheonixfire777 // @deanzboyfriend //
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tired-teacher-blog · 5 months ago
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Aizawa teaches you how he likes it..
I don't even know what this is, but here, take it.
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_ "Are you sure about this love?" he blinked a few times as a stunned expression took over the amused one he had on moments ago.
Your request was one that he has never heard you utter before now, and he had to make sure you meant every word coming out of your mouth.
_ "Yes! Yes I'm sure!" you grabbed onto his shirt as you finally settled on his lap, straddling and trapping him between your thighs, "I want to give you a blowjob." and your confidence and shamelessness were seriously baffling..
He needed to take a second and let it all sink in, you have never done this with him before, and he knows for a fact, that you have never done it with anyone else either, so what if it was too much for you to handle? He couldn't allow himself to hurt or overwhelm you in anyway.
However, the look on your face was one of determination and excitement for the experience, and he couldn't find it in himself to just say "no" to you, truth be told, he was instantly turned on the moment he heard the words leaving your mouth.
_ "Okay, fine, but there are a few things that you'll have to learn first, are you willing to do that?" he asked in a gentle tone as he placed his hands on your thighs.
_ "I'll do anything." and the smile brightening your features lured a loving one to appear upon his face.
_ "Alright sweetheart, first I need you to open your mouth slightly, can you do that for me?" he requested in a soothing voice while running his thumb along your soft lips.
You couldn't understand the meaning of his demand but didn't want to question him either, you trust him too much to doubt anything he does, and so, you nodded in agreement and did as he asked.
_ "That's it, that's my good girl," his sweet words filled you with pride, "now I'm going to put my finger in, and all I need you to do is close your mouth around it, is that okay for you?"
Heat was rising in your body, and the anticipation of what was coming sent a shiver up your spine.
You nodded fervently and watched as he slipped his index finger inside, before wrapping your lips around it.
_ "You're doing very well princess," you could clearly tell he was fighting the urge to let out a groan as he watched you following his orders obediently, "now, I need you to place your tongue on the tip of my finger and keep it there until I tell you otherwise, are you comfortable with that?"
Hearing him gently asking if you were okay with every step he took, warmed up your heart and made you want to learn quickly so you could make him feel as good as he always makes you feel.
You hummed around his digit and knitted your eyebrows in concentration as you twisted your tongue to press it against the tip of his finger.
_ "That's perfect, now stay like that for a moment."
Your eyes were shining in eagerness as they saw the amused smirk curving up his lips, and your heart was pounding in excitement as you waited for him to speak again.
_ "You're driving me out of my mind princess," he let out a frustrated sigh and licked his lips before carrying on, "listen carefully love, what I want you to do now is lick around my finger, is that okay?"
Your breath hitched in your throat while hearing his words, not because it was too much for you to follow, but because you weren't certain of your ability to handle anymore of this teasing.
You started moving your tongue carefully around his finger, covering every inch of the long digit inside your mouth while keeping your eyes on him the whole time.
He looked enticing as he coached you, with his luscious hair resting on his broad shoulders, his piercing eyes boring into you hungrily, and those lips– you wished nothing more than to have them on you, singing your praises and adding to your arousal.
_ "How lucky am I, fuck.. you really know how to rile me up don't you?" he chuckled amusedly and moved his other hand to squeeze your side before pulling you even closer to himself, letting you feel the forming bulge in his pants, and the discovery drove you wild as you unconsciously let out a muffled whine and pushed your hips against his, because you wanted even more of him.
_ "That's dangerous sweetheart, you know I'm already at my limit right?" he groaned the warning but did nothing to stop you, too bewitched by your advances to actually oppose you, "and now for the last step, I want you to start sucking on my finger like a lollipop, but be careful love, don't use your teeth okay?"
You followed his last command, eagerly sucking on it while moving your hips at the same time, you were going insane a little bit more each second that passed.
_ "Fuck sweetheart, do you have any idea how seductive you look right now?" he growled through gritted teeth before adding in a lower voice, "you do realize that the real thing is way bigger than just my finger right?"
You moand again as you sucked harder and faster, moving your fingers along his arm before clutching onto his hand to push it against your lips a little closer as you carried on.
He was in a daze watching you like that, and soon, his last ounce of self control slipped away as he suddenly pulled his finger out of your mouth, before holding your chin and staring at your reddened and swallowed lips with an eager expression that aroused you even more, "I think you're ready for me love, so just remember what I taught you alright?"
It was going to be fun for both of you, you were certain of it..
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Dividers by @/cafekitsune
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evilminji · 10 months ago
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The more I learn about John Constantine? The more I am certain you COULD just... dump Danny on him.
Like... literally.
Full on, sack of unconscious potatoes, "here ya go, deal with it, here's an unconscious royal teenager!", Dumped in his arms/lap at some shitty hole in the wall bar, by Suspicious Supernatural Forces, DUMPED on him. Like? Yep. It's a Tuesday. Guess he's NOT getting to finish this beer.
And you know what?
Knowing the crowd Danny runs with? They'd at least... SORTA try and explain what's happening? Instead of play the fun ol "HOT POTATO! Think fast, Constantine! Figure it out!" And run shpeal that he normally deals with. Thoughtful, really.
Don't get him wrong. It's still BULLSHIT. But at least he has a vague idea of WHY he's holding an unconscious, heavily bleeding, half-divine-but-not-really half human, teenager.
Fuckers left a few sticky notes.
THANKS.
He just LOVES patching up actively radioactive wounds while trying to translate... what is this? Mesopotamian? Who writes out their emojis in Mesopotamian?! "Smiling face emotional picture" my ASS. Still...
Kid in way over their head, hunted by damn never everyone for trying to do the right thing, AND grappling with their recent lose of a decent chunk of their own humanity? Oh and now he's KING of a whole spankin new Realm!
Fuck "Realms". Nothing ever good comes out of "Realms".
And APPARENTLY? His VIP returning customers spot under the Bus has been reserved! Because he's the kid's "Gaurdian". Why? So the nice Goverment stooges in suits will come knocking on HIS door first, of course.
......he'd be more pissed about that one if he wasn't REAL interested in what those bastards had to say for themselves. Meddling with forces they shouldn't be touching. Provoking God only knows what. He fucking KNEW those storms weren't natural.
Just? John getting handed a Suspect Youth. Press X for doubt and Sus. Okay... then give him back. No! Fuck you, says local Laughing Magician, I don't trust you EITHER.
Danny wakes up to the... VERY? Ngl? Intense(tm) stare down of... holy shit, are you an Actual Angel? (Yes. He is. Better hope you're not secretly evil or he's gonna bring The Smiting) Then the world's ACTUAL greatest Detective, who is a chimpanzee, offers him expertly made tea and the cheap take-out John brought with him.
He is in Space.
It's still not the weirdest morning he's ever had. But it's getting there.
@the-witchhunter @hdgnj @hypewinter @nerdpoe @lolottes @babbling-babull
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mattsjuul · 2 months ago
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eye contact. matt sturniolo.
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༣ summary: you and your bf are in bed watching a movie he suggested but all you can think about is how good he looks. and how he’d look even better looking down at you as you blow him.
༣ pairing: bf!matt sturniolo x fem!reader
༣ warnings: oral sex (male receiving), pet names (baby, princess, beautiful idk), light smut it’s just a bj, making out, he tastes his own cum… also not proof read!! sorryyyy lol im too scared to re read..
༣ author’s note: okay so this is like.. my first smut..! so im nervy and only have the guts to do a blowjob sooo take it or leave it! pls lmk if it sucks. love u 💐
you and matt are currently sat up in bed, him a little lower down than you. meaning you’re able to admire him without him noticing. and if there’s one thing you can always do, it’s admire your boyfriend. look at his pretty eyes. his plump pink lips. his veiny hands. his toned arms. just, everything about him. in your eyes he’s perfect.
today, though. he was in a grey tank top and plaid pajama pants. and oh how you adored how he looks in tank tops. his hairs wet from the shower, he’s fidgeting with your fingers, his slim hands looking extremely good. if it were up to you, his pants would be off and you’d have him down your throat. but you’re far too shy for that. right?
your thoughts get interrupted once you see him look away from his tv and at you. “you okay?” he giggles. “no, yeah, sorry” you blush, looking at the tv. “nah baby. what’s distracting you?” he asks, sitting higher up. “nothing” well, him of course. but no way could you admit that. “you sure?” he glances at your lips as the words leave his mouth. which just makes this way harder for you. “what do you think is distracting me, matt?” you ask with genuine curiosity. “well since you’ve watched about a minute of this entire movie, i’d say i am.” he says and you shyly smile. “a little” you shrug. “a little?” he asks and you confidently nod. “alright. what do you wanna do?” he asks and your eyes widen at the question, not expecting it. “um. nothing” i say. “we both know that’s not true.” he replies. you look him up and down, making a smirk form on his lips.
“you wanna touch me, hm?” he hums. your mouth gaps open, your mind going crazy thinking about what the fuck to say back. “yeah.” you say, your heart ready to beat out of your chest. “i’m all yours” he adjusts himself, grabbing your waist to pull you onto his lap. you shyly kiss him, almost immediately deepening it. and after a bit of very lovingly making out, you start lifting his shirt up. so he takes the sign and helps you get it off. you kiss down his neck, leaving hickeys on the way down to his collarbone. you pull away and he flashes you a soft smile, really easing your nerves. blow jobs really weren’t your thing. you never really know how to get into them. but whenever you did, matt adored it.
you move down, sitting on your knees between his legs. you look up at him for approval, him giving you a little nod in response. you untie his plaid pants and nervously pull them down enough to reveal his hard dicks print through his underwear. your heart skips a beat, seeing pre-cum leaking through his grey boxers. you palm him a bit, making a moan like breath leave his lips. you smile, liking that what you’re doing is making him feel good.
matt gives you a certain look, seemingly getting impatient. and he truly was. his heart was racing seeing you, having you, down there about to make him feel incredible, like you never fail to do. you finally pull his boxers down, enough to reveal his hard dick. and goodness was he ready. he shivers a bit at the sudden cold air on his throbbing dick, his rooms floor always extra chilly. he takes a deep breath, seconds before your spit lands on his tip. his breath hitches, eyes shutting for a second, kind of in preparation. you finally begin spreading it, needing to use both hands on his long, slim, dick. he moves his hands, pushing your hair away from your face.
"mmmhm. already doing so good." he mumbles. matt loves making sure you feel safe. like you never have to worry about how good your work truly is. you finally beat your nerves and your lips land around his tip, quickly looking up to see how he reacts. matts always looking at you. no matter what. oral sex, normal sex, all the time. and he will always find a way to. he has countless videos of the two of you on his phone. anyways. a deep breath leaves his lips, one he didnt even know he was holding. you go deeper, gaining confidence. "mm-fuck dont push yourself.. too much.. princess." he breathes out, struggling to even talk.
you keep bobbing your head, your eyes watering as you try not to gag. meanwhile matt's not keeping in his moans. the more you guys do anything, the more vocal he gets. "fuck fuck fuck.. so.. fucking good." he moans, slightly tugging your hair, poorly holding it back at this point. you decide to toughen up and finally take in all of him. "shhhiiiiit baby" he squeezes his eyes shut, thrusting his hips up a bit. "so close." he barely says as you go back up, hallowing your cheeks at his tip. he lets out another porno like moan, his dick starting to do little twitches. he really is close. you guys lock eyes, so he takes it as a sign to lightly face fuck you. he looks so fucking good. he starts lightly thrusting his hips while also guiding your head and you just let him. his moans fill the room, along with the sounds of your mouth on his wet dick while theres spit going down your chin and onto his balls. he starts letting out big, cut off like moans, never looking away from you. "coming princess.." he barely mumbles, before moaning your name as his warm cum spirts into your mouth. you pump him a little as his white liquid fills your mouth, him biting his lip so hard, he might draw blood.
"i swear.. i always think ive felt the best ever and you always prove me wrong the next time." he says, catching his breath as you swallow his cum. you smile in return, shyly wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. "c'mere" he pulls you up after pulling his pants n boxers up. he grabs a random shirt of his off of the ground and wipes your face. "i love you." he whispers, making your smile come back. "i love you." you reply.
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ a/n: omg i yap so so so much LMAO. this was so so scary to write.. hope u enjoy aaahhhh. lmk what i can do to make this better tho!! ♡
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mysicklove · 9 months ago
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Toddlers are known to look at their caregivers to see how they should react when they trip and fall. Even if the stumble of their wobbly legs doesn’t hurt them, in many cases, they will still cry if their guardians fuss over them. Although, if the adult doesn’t give them a time of day usually the little beasts get up and go back to playing with their friends.
This phenomenon is pretty common for the toddler you raise. The small child seemed to master how to react during certain situations depending on who is watching him, you or his wicked older brother.
The three of you go to the park where Yuuji runs around the playground, letting out giggles and squeals when Nobara and Megumi play tag with him. You somehow drift off on Sukunas shoulder on a nearby bench, closing your eyes and slumping against your boyfriend, content with the fact that he has his eye on the reckless child.
As to be aspected, Yuuji, after being warned very harshly by his “doting” brother to go slow when going down the steps of the playground, ignores the caution and sprints down the stairs only to miss a step and fall straight to the bark. It wasn’t a hard fall — his legs collapsed beneath him, and he landed on his knees with a plop. No harm, no injuries, mostly just shock of him falling a couple feet into the bark.
The first thing he does is look toward you, unconsciously questioning if he is about to cry out from the pain so that you can pick him up and coddle him. But he can’t catch your sleeping gaze and instead finds himself face-to-face with Sukuna.
His brother only raises an eyebrow at him, shaking his head as if to say “i dare you to cry right now”. The two of them make eye contact for longer than necessary, silent communication, and Yuuji sniffles, gulps, and slowly gets up before going back to playing.
The elder Itadori puts his hand in front of your eyes, blocking out the sun from disturbing your sleep and continues to watch his younger brother walk much more carefully up and down the playground. It was good to not coddle the boy; Sukuna didn’t want Yuuji to grow up spoiled; he was to be a man, strong just like him.
But of course, Sukuna happened to be raising him with you, a person with the biggest soft spot for the child. And so when you wake up from your nap, and Sukuna calls the boy over to leave, you notice the tiny piece of bark sticking out of the boy's leg. It was surface level — Yuuji didn’t even notice it, but still, the image looked much more gruesome than it was really.
You gasp and begin to fuss over his “injured” leg, asking the boy if he tripped and fell if he was hurt at all if he was okay. And suddenly, to Yuuji, it seemed that maybe that fall did hurt a little too bad. Maybe he wasn't okay like he thought.
Tears begin to well up in his eyes.
“Don’t you give me that shit. You’re fine. You tripped like five minutes ago, and I know it didn’t hurt.”
Yuuji shakes his head, ignoring his brother and rubbing his eyes while he looks up at you. “O-Owie…” he whines, rubbing at his knee.
“Poor thing, did you hurt yourself? I’m sorry baby, I wasn’t watching.” He reaches his hands up to you, and you scoop him up while he begins to cry into your neck.
It was a fake cry, obviously enough. It makes the elder Itadoris mouth hang open. “You little liar!”
“Don’t be mean, Sukuna.” You say, teasing him because you realized quickly enough that the boys “cries” didn’t produce any liquid from his eyes. You didn’t mind spoiling the boy either way.
Sukuna, realizing you also understood, lets out a dramatic groan, shaking his head before exclaiming, “Why am I surrounded by weaklings?!”
You just laugh at him, thinking about to a few years earlier during highschool. Sukuna was the one who would dramatize his pain whenever he got in a fight. You would listen to his whines (after he profusely exclaimed that he won by a longshot) over a busted lip and a black eye while you would fuss over him, just as you are doing to Yuuji.
He got into a lot of fights during highschool because Sukuna could never get enough of you fretting over him. He liked when you played nurse and coddled him, way too similar to the way you cooed at Yuuji.
The two of them, although Sukuna would never admit it, are way too similar. Both are strong and independent boys who happen to turn into whiny, attention-seeking puppies when you are around.
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darkbluekies · 9 months ago
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OMG SILAS WEDDING? YES PLZ THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD
Saying 'I do' is like a death sentence
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Yandere!mafia OC x reader
Sumamry: Silas gets you to marry him
Warnings: threats, mentions of murder, guns, forced marriage, dubcon kiss?, violence, mentions of punishment, trauma from said punishments, possessiveness, jealousy, family drama
Word count: 3.5k
Things have been awfully quiet these last days and you've noticed a certain spark in Silas’s eyes. You didn't think much of it before seeing his second in command — whose eyes are normally dead — light up. But no one has talked to you.
You’re sitting in the window, looking out over the front yard and the houses down the street. You’ve seen school children come home from school and their parents join them with grocery bags. They’re living so … normally.
There's a knock on the door, which makes you even more confused. Silas doesn't knock on his own bedroom door. His second in command walks in.
“Y/N, you're going to come with me”, he says.
“Why?” you question.
“You will see. Come.”
You hesitate. Silas has told you countless times to never listen to any of his men, never walk somewhere with them. The only one you should listen to is Silas, the only one you should ever walk somewhere with is Silas. He has tested you before to see if you would leave the house with any of his members … and you’ve been greatly punished for it.
But Silas’s trusts his second in command … you know that he would never betray Silas.
“You don’t need to be afraid”, the second in command says and waves at you to come over.
“I don’t want to be punished …”, you whisper.
He takes a step forward. You press yourself closer to the window. It’s another trap, you’re certain of it. Silas is standing outside the room, waiting for you to take the bait. This is the final level, to see if you would listen to the man he trusts the most, one that you think that you can listen to. You shake your head quickly.
“Y/N, you can trust me”, his second in command says and puts his hand on his chest. “I swear on my mother’s life that I won’t get you into trouble.”
“Has Silas told you to get me?” you question carefully.
“Yes.”
Slowly, you get down from the window and walk over to him. He puts his hand on your back to guide you out of the room, into the corridor and down the stairs. Your heart is beating loudly against your ribs. What if the second in command is lying?
“Where is he?” you ask as you make your way down to the first floor.
“I am taking you to him”, the second in command says calmly.
You stop and turn to him. “Please promise me that this isn’t a test, and that I’m not going to get punished.”
“Y/N, I’m not lying to you. Silas have asked me personally to drive you to him.”
“Why?”
“You will find out once we get there.”
“Okay …”
You follow him out to a car. He holds the backseat door open and lets you jump in.
“Put on a seatbelt or else Silas will kill me”, he tells you.
You pull the seatbelt over your body and clicks it into place while the second in command walks around the car to sit down in the driver’s seat. You watch the houses as you drive by.
“I really thought that this was going to be one of those tests …”, you admitted hesitantly while scratching your nails. “I really don’t want to go down to the basement again.”
“I understand that.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Depends.”
“Don’t you ever feel bad for … what happens in the basement? To any of the people unfortunate to end down there?”
“Not necessarily. Most of the people that gets thrown down there has done something to deserve it. You see, Y/N, Silas never hurts anyone without a reason. If he could have it his way he wouldn’t hurt anyone, but people are stupid enough to cross and challenge him.”
“What would he do without it? Isn’t that how you’re supposed to survive and climb the ladder in this world?”
“He would do his business and trading without hurting anyone. In a perfect world, people pay on time and doesn’t try to steal territory. No human likes hurting anyone else — unless they’re psychopaths, but that’s rare. Even the most gruesome killers have guilt.”
“But how can he hurt someone he loves? I could never do what he does to someone I love.”
“I won’t meddle in your relationship, because that’s not my business, but things aren’t black and white.”
“I wish things could be colorful for once.”
The second in command sighs and turns on the radio. You listen to the music as the landscape outside the car swishes by. You don’t recognise anything, except for a supermarket chain that you used to shop at. Soon, you start to think that the silence between you two feels sickening. You can’t stop thinking about what awaits you once the car stops.
“I know that you’re not allowed to actually conversate with me, but can we just … talk about anything?” you sigh and shrug while trying to find a suitable conversation topic. “Could be about the weather.”
“The weather?” the second in command scoffs and smiles in amusement. “Fuck no.”
“How far is it left?”
“Around fifteen minutes.”
“You don't talk much normally, don't you?”
“I talk when I have important things to say. Otherwise, why should I? I get paid to act, not to talk.”
“I don’t get paid at all.”
The second in command tugs at his smile. “You still have it better than the majority of us.”
When the car finally stops, you look around to see that you’re by the beach. The second in command opens the door for you and helps you out. You look around and feel your heart sink when you see where Silas is, and what’s surrounding him. Candles and flower petals. You stop right in your tracks as you go stone cold. You’ve feared for this day.
“What are you stopping for?” the second in command asks and gives you a small push. “Come on.”
You notice a gun in his hands. On stiff, frozen legs you stumble towards Silas. The sand feels heavy under your feet. Silas smiles and takes your hand.
“I think you can guess what I’m going to do”, he says cheekily and takes up a small, black box out his pocket.
You shake your head, but Silas doesn’t seem to notice — or care. He gets down on one knee. You try to pull your hand out of his grip, but he tightens it.
“I don’t think words can explain the amount of love I feel for you”, he starts.
It’s not love. It simply can’t be.
“I know that I want to spend my entire life with you”, he says, looking up at you in awe.
“N-No … wait-”
He opens the box. “Will you marry me?”
You can’t breathe. You know that if you answer no, you might get to taste the gun in the second in command’s hands and you’ll definitely end up in the basement. But you can’t answer yes. If you do, you will be bound to Silas for all eternity. You will have to wear a ring claimed by him, take his name, officially be his. You will be known as his husband/wife forever.
“Y/N, I think that you better want to answer ‘yes’”, he whispers warningly, “for your own sake.”
You hesitate, going through every possible scenario. Every scenario where you decline him ends in physical and mental pain — not only to you, but probably to your family as well. If you accept his proposal, you will trap yourself deeper into his spider web and get tortured for the rest of your life, but you won’t piss him off. You can’t win, no matter what you choose.
“Okay …”, you whisper in defeat. “I will.”
Silas’s face lights up. He shoots up from his knee, wraps his muscular arms around you and devours your lips with his. He pulls your hand to him and places a ring on your finger. The ring is made of a shimmering gold and multiple glistening diamonds. You can’t help but stare at it.
“Congratulations, boss”, his second in command smiles. “You’re going to have a marvelous wedding.”
“Let’s go to a restaurant to celebrate this”, Silas smiles and start to walk with you in his arms. He gives his second in command a tap on the shoulder. “You too.”
The man smiles and follows.
You eat at his favorite restaurant, but you can’t seem to swallow any of the food. A lump has formed in the back of your mouth, preventing anything from passing it. Silas conversates with his second in command, only noticing your sulking after finishing his own food.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asks, touching your cheek. “Are you not hungry?”
You shake your head.
“That’s okay”, Silas says softly and caresses your shoulder. “Do you want to take it in a togo-bag?”
You nod.
That evening when you get back home, you’re allowed to sit at Silas’s place at the end of the long rectangular table in the dining room with your heated food. You can hear Silas’s men move through the house. Silas and his second in command are in his office to plan the wedding.
You notice that someone is about to sit down on the first chair of the long side of the table. A man you have never spoken to before.
“Hi, care if I keep you company?” he asks.
Too shocked to answer, he takes your silence as ‘yes’ and sits down. You glance at the open door towards the hall and swallow thickly.
“You shouldn’t-”, you try to tell him, to warn him about Silas, but he cuts you off.
“I heard that you got engaged today”, the man says slowly and looks down at your ring. “I guess that I have to say ‘congratulations’.”
“Yeah … thanks …”, you mumble dreadfully. “But you really should-”
Your sentence is cut off by the man in the chair getting ripped up by a harsh force. You hadn’t heard Silas and his second in command leave the office.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Silas questions and pushes the man away from you. “Do you have a death wish?!”
He signals for his second in command to get rid of the man. Silas sighs heavily, runs his hand through his black hair and sinks down on the same chair he had ripped his worker from. You avoid his eyes.
“Are you okay, little thing?” he asks and you can hear how he’s trying to stay calm. “Why didn’t you tell him to walk the fuck away?”
“I tried”, you mumble. “Twice.”
“He knows better than to talk to you. Seems like you’re even more irresistible now that you have a ring on your finger.” He sighs and rubs your back. “You’re mine, and soon they all will know.”
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Days go by. Silas’s second in command takes you to try dresses/suits, but for the most of the time you’re in your bedroom, waiting. Every day takes you closer to your wedding day, that horrifying moment.
And finally, one day, it’s time. Silas’s second in command has taken you to a venue where you’ve gotten your own room to get ready in, but when the time is due for you to walk out and say your vowels, you refuse to come out of the room. There’s nothing you want less than to get married in front of people that you hate. You can’t imagine anything more humiliating.
“Y/N, come on”, the second in command says as he opens the door. “Everyone is waiting!”
“I don’t want to do it!” you burst out, full on panic.
“Silas have spent a lot of time and thought about this for you. He has even invited your family. Would be a shame if they came here for nothing, don’t you think? Don’t you think that they want to see you again? Don’t you want to see them one last time?”
You give the second in command a glare. He walks over and grabs your arm, helping you up on your feet.
“Come on”, he says. “We don’t have all day.”
He’s going to walk you down the aisle to deliver you over to Silas, as planned and try to pull your arm away from the second in command, but his grip on you tightens. The second you get into the venue and see the rows of chairs filled with Silas’s men, his family and your family, you stop, eyes tearing up when seeing your parents. Realization hits you again. You’re not only getting married, you’re also saying goodbye to your old life — a life that you will never get to live again. The second in command drags you past all the guests, over to Silas. You stare at your family, taking them in. Haven’t they changed since last you’ve seen them? Aren’t they looking older? Do they think that you’re different? Do they still recognize you as their little boy/girl? Silently wishing that they would stand up and object to everything happening, you continue your way down the aisle, towards Silas. Surely they have to understand that you’re not doing this by your own will? You would rather be at home with them.
You feel how the second in command moves you over to Silas. The ceremony seem to go by in a fuzzy daze. Words are being said but you're not sure who says them. You're brought back to reality when you hear Silas say ‘I do’. Your first instinct is to pull yourself away from him, but he doesn't let you.
“Your turn, Y/N”, he whispers with a tilted smile. “Tell everyone how you're giving yourself to me.”
Time seems to have stopped. You look out over the audience, at your poor family. They look nauseous. You wonder what kind of threats they have been told to keep them silent in their seats.
And you notice someone else — someone you never thought Silas would invite. Ares. You know that he hates his little brother with all his might, why would he invite him to his wedding? The day that's supposed to be his best day ever. You guess that the older couple by him are Silas's and Ares's parents. You have never met them before, but it's clear who Silas’s has gotten his face from. He's a spitting image of his father. Ares resembles their mother more.
Silas opens up his blazer to show you a gun, which you don't have to doubt is loaded.
“If you — or anyone — tries to object in this marriage, Y/N”, he starts with a dark voice, dangerously close to your face to make sure that no one will hear, “they'll die. Do you understand that?”
You nod unnoticeably, too mortified to do anything else. You understand him very well, and you believe him.
“You better say ‘I do’”, he whispers, voice even darker. “You belong to me. You are mine. Do not ever forget that.”
“Promise me that they won't get hurt”, you whisper as quietly as you can.
He takes your hand.
“I promise”, he says and kisses your knuckles harshly. “Say it.”
You clear your throat to make sure everyone will hear you, so that you don't have to repeat yourself. Giving yourself to this man once is enough.
“I do”, you say.
Everyone but your family and Ares claps. You're puzzled by the look on Silas's parents faces, as if they're not happy but still want to support their son. The rest of the cheering guests wear bright smiles, happy for their boss. You don't dare look at your family.
A new, bigger and more flashy ring gets placed on your finger and you put Silas’s new ring on his with shaking hands. You try to pull the collar of your clothing to the side, to be able to breathe.
You've kissed Silas’s before, but never like this. Never in front of so many people. You don't have time to think before his lips are on yours and you accept it, knowing that you've already signed your life away, refusing to kiss him won't change a thing.
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The afterparty goes on without you. You don’t want to see everyone celebrating you when you never want this in the first place. You are allowed to go back to the room where you had gotten ready and sit in your solitude. You can’t help the tears running down your cheeks in silence. What have you done? Could you have done something differently? No, you couldn't. If you did, your family would get hurt. Instead, you’ve trapped yourself in a venomous spider’s trap.
You hear the door open and hurry to wipe your tears.
“Uh … hi”, a familiar voice says.
You turn to watch Ares close the door behind him. You freeze. If Silas finds him here, your wedding will be even worse … and frankly, after everything Ares have done to you, you don’t want to be alone with him either. You stand up and try to leave the room, but he stops you.
“Wait, let me talk to you”, he says.
“Don’t touch me”, you hiss.
He pulls his hand back and sighs.
“It shouldn’t be you and Silas”, he says in defeat. “You didn’t want to marry him, I saw that. We can run away now and you’ll never have to see him again.”
The proposition alone makes you scoff.
“And why would I want to go anywhere with you?” you spit angrily. “You’re as sick as Silas! I don’t want anything to do with any of you. It’s bad enough that I’m stuck with one … I don’t need the other. Leave.”
Ares twitches his black eyebrows and pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue. “Alright then. Guess I’ll have to force you with me.”
“If you touch me I will scream.”
He gives you a glance as if he’s weighing the outcomes. In a quick motion, he grabs you, trying to pull you over his shoulder. You scream and hit him, causing enough commotion for the door to swing open and for Ares to be ripped off of you. Your vision is blocked by someone dressed in black.
“Get the fuck away before I kill you”, you hear the man in front of you say. “I mean it.”
You expected it to be Silas, but it’s his second in command.
“Touch my boss’ wife/husband again and I’m breaking your neck”, he warns and rolls up his sleeve.
“Why don’t you get the fuck away and let me do what I want to do, hm?” Ares responds harshly.
“You’re really asking for it, aren’t you? This is a wedding, don’t be stupid like usual, Ares.”
“I’m stupid? Have you seen my brother?!”
“Leave, Ares. I don’t want to cause your parents any more pain.”
“What’s going on?”
Silas’s voice makes you want to crawl into a hole and never come out again.
“What have you done, Ares?” Silas asks coldly.
“You’re just going to assume that I’ve done something, huh?” Ares growls.
“Why would my man waste time talking with you unless you’ve done something completely idiotic?”
“I heard Y/N scream and found Ares trying to kidnap them”, the second in command says and reaches back a hand to make sure that you’re still there, or to console you.
Silas turns his face towards his brother, his black eyes burning with anger. Before Ares has time to defend himself or throw an insult, Silas has hit him. Hard. You watch how blood seeps from his nose.
“Don’t think that you can ever try to take them from me”, he warns. “They’re mine. See the ring on their finger? Belong to me. I have all the legal rights to say that now. Don’t fucking think a thing.”
Silas puts his arm around your shoulders.
“The only one that gets to touch them is me, so put your greasy little hands away before I cut them off and force you to eat them”, Silas warns him coldly. He turns to his second in command. “Let’s go home, I don’t want to sabotage the after party.”
You’re pulled along out to Silas’s car.
“I should have known that this wedding would have drama”, the second in command sighs. “Why did you even invite Ares from the start?”
“Because I wanted him to see Y/N giving themself to me”, Silas smirks. “To annoy him.”
“You’re supposed to be older than him.”
“Oh shut up, let me have some fun.” He turns to you, growing softer. “Are you okay, little thing? Did he hurt you?”
You shake your head. If anything, you hurt him when clawing at him.
“Good”, Silas smiles and caresses your cheek. “Let’s go home.”
In the car, he takes your hand, inspecting the ring with a cocky smile.
“Now you're officially mine”, he whispered, looking at you with intense, dark eyes. “Forever. And there's nothing you can do to separate us.”
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inkskinned · 11 months ago
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most writing advice is good as long as you know why it is good, at which point it is also bad. the hardest thing (and most precious thing) about being an artist is that you gotta learn how to take critique. i don't mean "just shut up and accept that people hate your work," i mean you need to learn what the critique is saying and then figure out if it actually helps.
i usually tell people reading my work: "i'm collecting data, so everything is useful." i ask them where they put the book down, even though it's too long for most people to read in 1 sitting. i ask them what they thought of certain characters. i let them tell me it was really good but i like it more when they look a little stunned and say i forgot i was reading your book, which means they forgot i exist, which is very good news.
sometimes people i didn't ask will read my work and tell me i don't like it. and that is okay, you don't have to like it. but i look at the thing that they don't like and try to figure out if i care. i don't like that you don't capitalize. this one is common, and i have already thought about it. i do not care, it's because of chronic pain and frankly i like the little shape of small letters. you use teeth and ribs in all your work. actually that is very true. i don't know what's up with that. next time i will work to figure out a different word, thank you. you're whiny, go outside. someone said that to me recently and it made me laugh. i am on the whine-about-it website as an internet poet. you are in my native habitat, watching me perform a natural enrichment behavior. but i like the dip of whiny, how the word itself does "whine" (up/down, the sound out your nose on the y), but i don't know if i want to feel whiny. maybe next time i will work on it being melancholy, like what you would call a male writer's poetry.
repeated "good" advice clangs in a bell and doesn't hold a real shape, dilutes in the water. like sometimes you will hear "don't use said." you turn that around in your head and it bounces off the edges of your brain like it is a dvd screensaver. it isn't bad advice, but it feels wrong somehow, like saying easy choices are illegal! sometimes i will only use "said." sometimes i will just kick dialogue tags out to the trash. sometimes i make little love poems where the fact that i do not say "said" is very bad, and makes you feel bad in your body, because someone didn't say something. i am a contrary little shitbird, i guess.
but it is also good advice, actually. it is trying to say that "said" sometimes is clutter. it makes new writers think about the very-small words and very-small choices, because actually your work matters and wordchoice matters. "i know," you said. "i know," you sighed. "i know." we both know but neither of us use a dialogue tag, because we are in a contemporary lit piece.
it is too-small to say don't use said. but it is a big command, so it gets your attention. what are you relying on? what easy choices do you make? when you edit, do you choose the same thing? can you make a different choice? sometimes we need the blankness of said, how it slides into the background. sometimes we don't.
i usually say best advice is to read, but i also mean read books you don't like, because that will make you angry enough to write your own book. i also mean read good books, which will break your heart and remind you that you are a very small person and your voice is a seashell. i also mean you need to eat books because reading a book is a writer's version of studying.
my creative writing teacher in the 7th grade had a big red list of no! words and on it was SUNSET. RAZORS. LOVE. GALAXY. DEATH. BLOOD. PAIN. I liked that razor and love were tucked next to each other like birds, and found it funny that he believed we were too young to know the weight of razor in the context of pain. i hated him and his Grateful Dead belt, where the colored teddy bears held up his appraisal of us. i hated his no list. it is very good/bad advice. i wasn't old enough yet to know that when you are writing about death you are also writing about sunsets and when you write about love you are tucking yourself into a napkin that never stops folding.
back then my poetry was all bloody, dripped with agony when you picked it up. i didn't know there is nothing beautiful about a razor, nothing exciting about pain. i just understood sharpness, which he took to mean i understood nothing. i wrote the razor down and it wasn't easy, but it was necessary. that's what i'm saying - sometimes it's good advice, because it's not always necessary. and sometimes it is very bad advice, because writing about it is lifesaving.
hang on my dog was just having a nightmare. i heard that it is a rule not to write about dogs - in my creative writing mfa, my teacher rolled her eyes and said everyone writes a dead dog. the literature streets are littered in canine bodies. i watched the rise and fall of his ribs (there is that word again) and had to reach out and stop the bad dream. when he woke up he didn't recognize me, and he was afraid.
it is good/bad advice to say that poems and writing have to mean something. it is bad/good advice to say they're big feelings in small packages. it is better advice to say that when my dog saw where he was, he relaxed immediately, rubbed his face against me. someone on instagram would make fun of that moment by writing their "internet poetry" as a sentence that tumbles across a white page: outside it is sunset and my dog is still in a gutter, bleeding a galaxy out of his left paw. or maybe it would be: i woke the dog up/the dog forgot i loved him/and i saw the shape of a senseless/and impossible pain.
the dog is alive in this one, and he is happy. when i tell you i love you, i know what i said. write what you need to write, be gentle to yourself about it. the advice is only as good as far as it helps. the rest is just fencing. take stock of the boundaries, and then break them. there's always somewhere else you could be growing.
i love you, keep going.
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