#The envy can mean want to be better than your own self. And that's what I'm trying to convey for Rheneas.

[naurasweetarudesu]

Skarloey Railway x Limbus Company part 2

Part one a.k.a. Skarloey is here!

Rheneas as Sinner No.2! Just an fyi since i don't draw fullbody, Rheneas' coat is actually shorter than Skarloey's. Skarloey's is wearing overknee coat, while Rheneas' coat stop at half thighs.

Next is Sir Handel Tell Tale Heart!

[r0-boat]

If it's not too much trouble, may I request Foras NSFW alphabet headcanons? Thanks.

alrightt lets goo

Foras NSFW alphabet headcanons

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Gentle, gentle and caring. As soon as he finishes with you you are in his arms his soft lips on your skin as he asks if you are okay, if he was too rough, if he hurt you in any way. If you shake your head he will just reply "Good. I love you."before holding you close. However he notices He did His eyes will fill with worry before instantly holding in his arms turning you both invisible before going to make you a warm meal/drink and to tend to wherever he has hurt you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite body part is his hands, because he wants to touch you. He wants to make you feel good with them. He wants to feel every little bit of you.

His favorite part of your body is your face, a face he thinks about when he smiles, a face he imagines twisting in pleasure when he needs to cum, You're soft the lips to your vibrant eyes. He loves when you try to cover it when you're shy, You're so cute unaware of your own beauty.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Inside, to feel your walls clapping down on him as he fills you up is a feeling that is better than anything. To see evidence of what he has done to you drip out of your hole has turned him on to no end.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He has watched you and Levi have sex and he wants to do it again. He wants to have sex with you while his Lord watches. He is very normal about you and Levi together in the same bedroom.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He is actually quite experienced, You may think that he is a vanilla virgin but he is far from that. He is also quite the closet pervert.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Anything as long as he gets to see your face He is not picky, However he prefers the classic missionary style.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He will be a little goofy if he feels that you're nervous. He's only like this to calm your nerves other than that I'd say he's pretty serious, He takes your pleasure very seriously.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Well groomed, a little messy depends on the day but he tries to maintain down there.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Extremely intimate, He will kiss you till you're dizzy He will pedals all over your sheets and floor before having you. He will have wine and even snacks. He wants to make sure the mood is just right. He wants to make you feel like you're on cloud 9 just how much you make him feel

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

You are not in Hades that often which breaks his heart because he loves you so much. When he masturbates he thinks of you he can't help it. He whimpers your name as he spills in his hand pretending it's inside you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Cuckold, for Leviathan only, there are a few devils and kings that come with a package deal and Foras is one of them. Being in the middle of you too is like his dream.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He can turn invisible. anytime anywhere he will be ready. Although he will be very shy to do it in public That doesn't mean he's opposed In fact to be honest it just turns him on more.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

When you're assertive, Your assertive almost bratty behavior against Levi It doesn't only work against Levi. When you snarl and raise your voice he just wants to get on his knees and make you feel better.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Like Sitri He will not hurt you seriously He will not let you draw blood. Seeing blood and associating it with you makes him sick.

He is a devil from Hades, He is ruled by the emotion envy, Levi is the only one who is right for you. He will not tolerate any other man in your life that isn't him or Levi.

(yandere foras)

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Giving. But getting on your knees to suck him off will drive him crazy, He will try not to buck his hips and have you choke on his cock.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He is not fast but not slow but he knows how to hit all the right spots to make you squeal He tries to take an account what you want and adjusts accordingly.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Yes yes yes!!! God yes. He is hoping and wishing you uses invisibility skill well. He doesn't get to have you that often so any moment in his arms He will take it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yes and no. If there's something that he or you really want to experiment then he'll do it but other than that he would rather stick to old fashioned sex. He thinks he could pleasure you enough for you to be okay.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He could last the normal amount that a devil could (What that means is up to you) All that you need to know is you won't be walking for a week after him.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Yes and no. He is ruled by The sin envy. He'd rather you not use toys on your own but he's okay if you use toys in front of him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Only a little bit. He doesn't like to tease you for too long only enough to get a little small reaction and he'll be satisfied. He must apologize seeing you upset is just so cute he can't resist.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Quiet and breathy. With some whimpering here and there. His volume isn't loud but he sure talks a lot whimpering or breathing your name and you swear just how much he says you could probably make out what he's thinking about.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Every now and then he breaks off a piece of his horn to carve into certain objects. He has never told you or showed you but he has done this recently and carved a ring that he wants to put on your finger.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He is bigger than Leviathan thick and Vinny and uncut with swollen balls.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He hasn't had sex and I'll really long time since you showed up and now all he can think about is bending you over. Any chance he gets he wants it so much. He can't help but he wants you too much!

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He waits till you fall asleep before he does after sex cuddles is a must He can't help if he falls asleep to your gentle breathing, You're so comfortable and cute snuggled into his chest like this He could lay here forever. Any devil would fall asleep to this.

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

hihihi!!!! i loveee the way u write angst!!!! could i please request a reader taking a fatal blow for jason? like some self sacrifice where reader protects jay? ahhh i just imagine the desperation and him running himself ragged to save reader before it ends with comfort!! thanks soso much! i hope u have a great week🩷

Set In Place

Hi, nonnie! Thank you, hope you enjoy! ~1.7k words

Slight miscommunication, but it's in the way they don't know how to talk to each other about feelings.

You weren't always a vigilante. You never planned on it, never wanted it. But when Jason Todd died you couldn't sit still, couldn't do nothing while the monsters that caused you to lose your best friend, your boyfriend, your first love, ran rampant.

You trained and trained until you were a shell of yourself. Until you and Bruce were both on a warpath that would only end with two more graves.

That was, until Tim came into your lives. Things got better, not much, but better. You learned to smile again, learned to soften your edges when you talked to the growing number of vigilantes patrolling Gotham's streets.

It scared you, sometimes, seeing kids no older than him fly around in the colors he died in. So you worked harder, got better, swore with everything you were and wouldn't be again that there will never be another dead Robin.

And then he came back. Jason– Red Hood, he called himself. It sends your world into a tailspin. You watch him become Gotham's most feared crime lord, you watch him leave all of that behind to become a hero. You watch as he slowly finds his place alongside his family.

You're just not exactly sure of what his place with you is. You patrol with him, you work with him. It's an awkward, unpracticed partnership, and you're sure he feels the same. You've told Bruce you don't want to work with Jason time and time again.

It's not that you don't miss him, don't feel envy at how easily he seemed to fall back into a routine with everyone else, it's just hard.

Hard when you catch him staring.

You know you must be unrecognizable to him, no longer the younger, civilian version of you. Hardened by the horrors of Gotham, scarred and calloused hands where skin used to be soft.

Bruce apparently didn't care about your complaints, because you find yourself on patrol with Red Hood more often than not. It's the same tonight, the two of you paired up to stake out some warehouse expecting a gun shipment for Falcone.

You can't help but watch him from the corner of your eye, he's different too, now. Bigger, sturdier, and willing to kill. A part of you wishes you had the courage to tell him that it doesn't make you hate him. That you miss him, and that nothing can change that part of your heart that's always been his.

You're tugged from your own thoughts when you see the familiar glint of a sniper rifle across the street. Your heart skips a beat and you're moving before you've even really connected that there's a gun.

You slam into Jason, a shot is fired. Pain blooms in your side as you both hit the ground.

Everything was different when Jason came back. It took a long time to settle, to try to find himself, to try to find his place in a family he doesn't know, a Gotham that's not quite what he remembers.

But he adapted, he carved out a place for himself that's undeniably his. He's really only left with one uncertainty, one place he doesn't know how to fit into.

You. His best friend, his childhood sweetheart, his first love. You're different now, but he is too, and he wants that to be okay.

Jason just doesn't know how to get to okay. He catches you watching him, he wonders what you see now. If you recognize the boy he used to be in what he is now. He can't help but watch you too. You're strong, brave, selfless and so, so beautiful. He's amazed about how much you've accomplished, how many lives you saved.

It's why he keeps telling Bruce to put him on patrol with you. It's worth the looks he gets if it means a chance to talk to you. He's currently trying to figure out the best way to get your attention during this boring stakeout. Should he ask what you've been up to? No, too general. If you're liking the weather? Ha, no. It's Gotham, that's stupid. The weather is bad.

If you have a partner? Oh, he definitely doesn't want to know that answer right now. He'd very much just like to be able to talk to you first.

Did you miss him as much as he missed you? Do you still love him like he still loves you?

He opens his mouth to speak, not having a plan but anything is better than silence, when you slam into him, crashing you both to the ground. The air leaves his lungs when he makes contact with the concrete, instinctively wrapping an arm around your waist and cradling your head to cushion the fall.

"Hey, what–" He starts, voice failing when wetness starts to seep into his gloves. You're bleeding. You're bleeding. You're shot. You're hurt because you saved him.

He's only able to react on the years of skill and training ingrained into his bones. Get you off of him and on the ground. Remove armor. Pressure on the wound. Where's the shooter? His eyes dart, he doesn't see anyone. Doesn't see who did this to you.

"Oracle," he chokes out "They're hurt, gun shot. It's bad. I need- we need an evac." He's tugging off his jacket, more material to slow the blood flow, something to keep you warm.

"Hey," You're reaching up to touch his arm with shaky hands, you sound relieved, "You're okay."

He tears up behind his helmet. It's not fair, not right that you're trying to comfort him when you're bleeding out on some forsaken Gotham rooftop. He vaguely hears the voices coming through the comlink, that help is coming, that he needs to tell them what's going on.

But, he can't respond to them, too focused on you, the way you seem to be getting weaker with each passing second. He's panicking, his breathing is shallow and fast as he tries to keep you alive.

"Why did you do that? Why did you do that?" He asks, trying to keep it together, but it's impossible when all he wants to do is scream and cry and hunt down whoever shot you.

You just offer a frail smile. "Glad you're safe, Jason," You murmur, words getting more slurred and quiet with each passing moment. He checks your pulse. It's getting too slow.

"Stay awake, stay with me," He begs, words fraying as he sobs your name, "please."

Something touches his shoulder, he has his gun pulled and pointed before he bothers to see who it is, face curled into a snarl behind his helmet.

"Woah there, Jason." Nightwing. His hands are raised, "we're going to help them, okay?"

Batman sweeps past him, crouching down at your side to pick you up. Jason launches forward, panicked and unable to think straight as he barks, "Don't touch them!"

Nightwing hauls him back as Batman carries them, his person, to the plane. "No, no, no, please. I need to be there. I need to. It's my fault!"

"I know, I know, it's not your fault, we're going too. C'mon." Nightwing soothes, letting go of him. Jason's on Batman's heels immediately, gaze locked on you, how your eyes keep sliding shut.

"The shooter–" He starts, anger building behind the guilt and panic.

"Spoiler and Robin have it handled." Batman tells him. Jason nods weakly and when Batman carefully sets you down in the plane, he takes your hand. Nightwing starts working over your wound, you barely make a sound in reaction to the pain.

"Stay awake. Don't go." He murmurs, begging, as he squeezes your fingers. He nearly sobs again when you offer him a feeble one in return.

Everything hurts. Which makes sense, you did get shot. It doesn't really bother you, at least not right now, not when Jason's holding your hand, his fingers resting over the steady beat of your pulse on your wrist.

You're not exactly sure how long you were passed out, but it was long enough that they got you into the medbay in the Batcave, stitched you up, and got you into a bed. Long enough that Jason's fallen asleep in the chair next to your bed, his head resting on top of the sheets by your hip.

You only hesitate for a second before reaching over to brush his hair back with your free hand. He's pretty when he's sleeping, but then again he's always pretty.

His eyes snap open and you draw your hand back. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up, Jason."

He sits up quickly, eyes darting over you, "Don't be. Are you okay? How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?" He hasn't let go of your hand.

"I'm okay." You promise, because you are. He didn't get hurt. He's here, and that makes everything okay.

He exhales shakily, studying you, "You shouldn't have done that."

You shrug, "Maybe, but you would have done the same thing." You know it's the truth, even if what's between you isn't the same, he's good. Always so good.

He frowns and runs his thumb over your knuckles, lost in thought, he can’t find the words to refute you, to make you understand what you did was wrong. "Do you– can I get you anything?"

You smile at him, teasing, trying to lighten the look on his face, "What? You gonna be my personal maid till I can get outta bed?"

You're surprised at how earnestly he nods, "Yeah, of course. Whatever you need, just let me know."

You blink at him and take a risk, "Maybe you could keep me company for a while? Not much to do in medbay," You ask tentatively, unable to ignore a real chance at being something– anything– with him.

Warmth blooms in your chest at the way he smiles at your question. It surprises you again, how thrilled your question seems to make him.

If you only knew what he was thinking now, how much he's been trying to find this moment that brings you two back into each other's lives, and the guilt he feels that it took you getting hurt to find it. "I'd like that," he tells you.

You squeeze his hand, and he looks down, as if he forgot he was even holding it. It feels right, familiar, something that used to be found again.

"I'd like that too." You say softly. It makes the two of you grin like two idiots in love.

You'll both figure out you are, eventually, but in this tender moment, it's a sweet solace to have found a place next to each other again.

[stuckinapril]

how do you fall in love with yourself

unlearn the idea that confidence is conceit. i see this belief imposed on women especially, that if they’re very unapologetic about loving themselves it automatically means they’re narcissistic / think they’re better than everybody else. that’s not true at all. you can love yourself while also acknowledging you’re not inherently better than anyone else. you can love yourself while also being kind & supportive to others. it’s okay to be both of these things at once.

let go of the scarcity mindset. women (everyone really, but especially women) get pitted/compared against each other all the time. you see it w female celebrities in the media, but it’s very prevalent in real life as well. this is very much years of societal conditioning & both women & men partake in this behavior. ignore it. rest easy knowing that there can be multiple beautiful women, multiple smart women, multiple funny women in any environment at any given time. there is enough clout to go around; you don’t need to feel like if there’s another pretty/smart girl it means you no longer have the space to also be a pretty/smart girl. instead operate from an abundance mindset: always (alwaysss) be happy for other girls when they succeed, when they’re praised, when they’re loved, whatever. see them not as competition but as inspiration. envy is such a colossal waste of time bc nobody else’s accomplishments have any bearing on your own!!

get to know yourself more. i love the analogy of dating yourself bc it’s true. i went through a rough period of being around my ex 24/7 to the point i didn’t even know myself, and then i spent the post-breakup year hanging around everyone else constantly to numb my thoughts. now i’m spending more time alone than ever & i’m getting to know myself so much. learning about my taste in fashion, music, everything. and i’ve had so much more time to invest in hobbies & skills, which is very instrumental to building healthy self-esteem. ofc there’s a more balanced way to do this, but make sure you’re not running away from yourself!

what do you like outside of everybody’s opinion? don’t interpret this the wrong way—it’s completely fine to be inspired. every single person you know has copied someone else to an extent. but if you find yourself going too far, not trusting yourself to make the simplest decisions, just following trends blindly and nothing else, you’ve left the inspiration territory and started crossing into plagiarism. move from a place of self-direction and really think about what is naturally appealing to you. it doesn’t matter if it’s not popular or nobody else likes it. if you like it & if it makes you happy, that’s all you need.

practice self-love! i had to do this lol but it works wonders. i started intentionally telling myself that i trust my own taste, that i trust my own choices, that if i think something’s cool it’s good enough, talking to myself kindly etc etc. eventually all this stuff will become natural to you & you won’t find yourself having to expend so much energy into simply loving you for you. don’t give up even if it’s hard to believe at times.

don’t give a fuck. seriously. just don’t give a single flying fuck what someone else has to say. there will always be That One Person who tries to tear you down, belittles you, gaslights you etc etc and if you know in your heart you’re not doing anything wrong, just ignore and keep it pushing. you can’t be everyone’s favorite person (nor should you want to be). think of your favorite celebrity. anyone ever. they probably all got subjected to hate. now think of how they’re successful still & how it didn’t take anything away from them. there you go <3

if literally everyone on this planet starts hating you, loving yourself is still the antidote. to clarify, how others perceive us does hold weight. but if legit every single person i know started hating me, and i still loved myself, i’d probably still live a full life bc my perception is all that really matters in the end. i don’t need anyone else to be my #1 fan—i can do that myself just fine. it technically is actually your world & everyone else is just living in it. so enjoy that! stop giving a hard time to the one person who will always be w you through thick and thin (yourself). eat good food & watch good shows & read good books & just have fun. i love u

[diana-bluewolf]

It’s this blog's first birthday! 🥳 Wanted to gather some of my fav drawings and thoughts about being in the fandom.

Being in a fandom is not always easy, but it is definitely worth it. 

1. It’s a perfect soft-skill trainer. It teaches me to focus on what I can control (like my reactions) rather than what I can’t (other people’s opinions). To be myself and not be ashamed of my interests. To stop overthinking and just enjoy the process. To accept imperfection as an inevitable part of any art…and myself. To stop comprehending the terms ‘self-indulgent’ and ‘cringe’ as synonyms. To prioritise my own well-being to avoid burn-out. And most importantly, not to cringe at my art I posted a day ago 🤣

2. It's a powerful therapy tool. I mean, have you tried to write an OC? Poor things, I don't envy them, but it turned out to be a perfect instrument to understand my own head's wiring better. It's like my subconscious is speaking to me through my OC's actions. I started this blog at one of the most challenging times in my life (let's just say that characters with external and internal scars appeal to me on a personal level. Not to be dramatic. Ok, I am, sorry, it's my only flaw), and it affected Chris severely, to the extent that I couldn't even imagine it would. But all the insights I got about myself via him are priceless. 

3. It’s the best source of inspiration. I had been in the art block for years, but seeing your guys cool art reignited my desire to draw. It was difficult (to say the least) to start posting amateur art about my MC on the blog that was followed for the screenshots of the popular characters, but I’m glad I did because, in another case, I would have never met some of my friends here. My art style is inconsistent as I keep experimenting, so some of my drawings are way better than others, but I’m still growing and proud of it. 

4. And most importantly, it's brought me together with some of the coolest people in my life. I'm so grateful to everyone who follows/followed me. Thank you so much for your support now or in the past, even if you just lurk. If you regularly appear on my notifs, I do recognise you and am very grateful. Even if I don't always respond - sorry, it's just because my social battery is often very low. I'm the most introverted introvert irl, even though I don't seem like one here. I'm training to overcome my social anxiety here, can you tell? 🤣 

Here I wanted to write something about my moots, but…Well, I have no idea how to continue whatever I had intended to write because just a thought of you all got me terribly overwhelmed with warm fuzzy feelings 😑 I blame you, guys 😤 So I will just write that I love you, but know this is an understatement.

Love this fandom, its creativity and all the incredibly talented and supportive people here. You guys are the best 🤗

[gonzo-rella]

Headcanons: Being Wallace Wells' Trans Boyfriend

MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI

EDIT: Although this fic was written with a more binary trans reader in mind, I'm hoping this fic will also be suitable for AFAB nonbinary people who are masc or male adjacent, which is where I might be at. I'm currently working dating hcs for Wallace with a nonbinary reader (which will be suitable for both AFAB and AMAB readers).

Relationship(s): Wallace Wells x transmasc!reader (romantic)

Warnings/info: Trans typical stuff, like dysphoria, transphobia etc. etc., sexual remarks, he/him pronouns for reader, headcanons were written in one sitting, when I was feeling not great. (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: I've been reading a lot of Succession fics over the last few days. Last night I read a Roman Roy fic and for some reason it gave me this overpowering wave of dysphoria that I still have yet to fully recover from. Annoyingly, I have yet to actually watch Succession so this could have been avoided; I just think Kieran Culkin's hot and very gender so I couldn't resist pretending that someone with his face was my boyfriend. Reading about Roman made me think 'oh shit. Maybe I'm a flawed and pathetic little guy on the inside. But I just look like a woman who likes to kiss women and everyone treats me like a girl and uses my girl name and girl pronouns and that feels super gross and makes me want to live in a hole. Now I'm going to feel bad about that for the next few days.' So, yeah, I'm having another transmasc crisis that I'm using fanfiction to get me through. I figured Kieran Culkin started this, so I might as well write something featuring a character of his that I can actually write for. This is a self-indulgent and self-explorative treat for myself, but I hope that transmasc readers can enjoy this, too. If you'd like more Wallace stuff, trans stuff or Wallace AND trans stuff, feel free to send in a request. I really want to provide more fics for transmasc readers because you guys are super underrepresented (and, y'know, Papa Gonzo-rella wants to explore his gender a little more). Also, I swear that I will get around to watching Succession, and I more than likely will end up writing for it when I do.)

Respectfully, Wallace does not give a shit that you’re trans.

Of course, he doesn’t flat-out ignore it, because it’s part of who you are, but it isn’t an obstacle in your relationship by any means, and it doesn’t bother him in the slightest.

If you’re feeling dysphoric and/or otherwise insecure about yourself, he’ll pinch your cheeks and tell you how handsome and sexy you are.

If you’re feeling especially bad, like ‘not getting out of bed and hiding from the world’ bad, he’ll keep you company and say what he can to reassure you.

Being mushy and sincere truly isn’t his thing, so whatever he says will sound either slightly insensitive (but still pretty sensitive as far as Wallace goes), facetious or like he wants you to get over how you’re feeling so he can fuck you.

But, he genuinely doesn’t want you to feel bad and you can tell he cares, because otherwise he wouldn’t be there for you when you're feeling your worst.

Wallace is very affirming, but in his own Wallace way.

He lovingly refers to you as his lameass boyfriend.

If Scott ever compliments you about anything, Wallace will call him gay.

He will shout ‘gay’, like the Senor Chang meme.

"Hey, man, I like your shirt-"

"Ha, Scott's gay!"

"I-I'm not gay! I just like his shirt."

"What's wrong with being gay, Scott?"

"Nothing! There's nothing wrong with being gay!"

"You really need to work on your internalised homophobia, Scott. To think, my gay lover and I share a bed with a bigot."

If you’re doing anything that he knows will make you dysphoric or exacerbate your dysphoria (for example, scrolling through social media and looking at cis dudes that give you gender envy) he’ll shut it down.

Using the aforementioned example, he’ll snatch your phone off you and close the app, saying: “Nope. Make better decisions.”

And, while you’d initially be annoyed at him for grabbing your phone, you will appreciate it in the long run.

If you have testosterone shots but you’re not a fan of doing them yourself, he’ll begrudgingly help you with them.

He will make a very Wallace comment, though

“Stabbing? I didn’t know you were that kinky.”

If anyone’s a dick to you about being trans, Wallace is always ready to go with a snide remark about the other person, because of all the things you could possibly mock his lameass boyfriend for, being trans is at the bottom of that list.

(He should know, as the person who makes fun of you the most.)

Also, he cares about you very, very much and he doesn't want people being transphobic to his boyfriend.

If you’re cool with it, he will make trans jokes, but nothing ‘attack helicopter’ or ‘attack helicopter’ adjacent, because he’s too clever for that and he can come up with better material that isn’t just derivative, transphobic garbage.

If you get your period and it makes you at all dysphoric, be prepared for this exchange:

“Don’t worry. Scott pissed blood last month and cried about it and he’s still a man.”

“Did-did he go to the doctor?”

“I don’t know. He seems fine now, though.”

If you still have boobs and don’t mind them being touched or otherwise acknowledged, he will use them like a pillow.

If you decide to get top surgery, he will make the following request:

“Well, if you’re not using them, can I have them? I need a pillow that Scott won’t steal. And, he wouldn’t steal your tits, because he knows I’d call him gay for it.”

“Why are you like this, Wallace?”

“Selfish.”

Being trans doesn’t make your relationship much different from any of Wallace’s other relationships.

You’re just, for better or worse, another one of Wallace’s boyfriends.

[samlizzy71]

Can I be honest? I like your art, I think it's really cute and pretty, but I also hate it because it makes me drown in envy and self-loathing. I'm a trans lesbian who would really like to be in a relationship, but I just can't seem to make it happen. I'm Avelyn looking for my Elizabeth, but it feels impossible. I'm introverted, clocky and socially awkward, so why would anyone, especially cis lesbians who probably have plenty of better options, ever want to date me?

I'm not really sure how to reply to this, and I'm sorry I can't tell you anything to make you feel better other than... Who knows? Just like Avelyn, who thought no one would ever love her, you may find your Elizabeth someday. Avelyn is introverted and socially awkward, and Elizabeth thought she was a boy when they met, but in the end, they are immensely happy, and it's not something that just happens in fiction. A lot of people have sent me messages telling me about how the story of Lizzy and Lynn is so much like the one they had with their partner with whom they share a life now, and I can't help but feel immensely happy for them, and it shows it can happen, it's possible. So, who knows? ^^ Maybe you'll find your Elizabeth someday, and I wholeheartedly hope you do. Not everyone is looking for looks or an extrovert x) You just need to meet the right person, and it happens when you least expect it. Also, I understand the envy x) I feel a lot of envy myself when I see people who had the chance to transition at an early age or perfectly pass, I even feel envy of my own OCs x) and yet they are my way of coping with the depression my dysphoria and experiences have caused me. Still, I want to see others be happy and have all the things I wish I could have. You can feel happy for others when you see them smile, and you can feel sad at the same time while wishing you could smile as much as them, and maybe that's what should motivate us to try to make the world a bit better, not only for ourselves but for others, to be the person we wish we had in our lives. Maybe we didn't have some chances, but, why not give them to others? After all, sometimes the people who have suffered the most because of something are the ones who will do anything so others don't have to go through the same. Avelyns are looking for their Elizabeths, but sometimes we can be an Elizabeth in another Avelyn's life, and I don't mean romantically or anything, but just, being kind and helping each other. Things will get better.

[loony-n-moony]

do you think you could do a scenario where azul comforts the reader about their weight ??

you bet ur ass I can

Azul Ashengrotto Weight Comfort x Reader!!

First things first, you may have to accept that Azul upon initially learning of your insecurities, whatever form it may take, will freeze up.

He’s still in the process of unlearning his own self-hatred, and he CERTAINLY doesn’t want you going down the route he took

that route of course being trying to overcompensate for his past entirely.

He wants you to be the best version of you, of course, but he doesn’t wanna see you destroy yourself in the process.

Naturally, he consults the only people he had by his side during such a time, the twins. That went about as well as you could expect.

“I’m being serious, you two!” He’d scold, already dreading having even brought this up with the twins.

“But we are being serious! I mean- c’mon, some light jokes never hurt.” Floyd combatted, that same smug little smile of his adorning his face. This only caused Azul to roll his eyes, shooting the eel a glare.

“It most certainly did! All you did was make me angry with you! How is that supposed to help at all?!” He huffed, feeling a migraine beginning to form. He had enough on his paranoid mind thinking about ways to hopefully redirect you from even a fraction of the self-hatred he endured, he certainly did not need the twins being�� well… them.

“Well, it redirected your hatred, did it not?” Jade chimed, “Even if it was only temporarily, you refocused your efforts into getting the one-up on us somehow.” He spoke as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. While Azul considered this, he thought back to his overblot, and immediately pushed aside the idea.

“You could always give ‘em a good squeeze.” Goddamn it, Floyd.

After that complete mess, Azul was fired up enough to say “screw it” and do it himself.

He held his usual suave confidence, asking to talk with you, assuring that no deal would be involved.

However, once the discussion began, that same anxiety began to pool in his stomach. He hated seeing you upset. How it reminded him of himself.

Seven knows his own insecurities still haunt him, so to see you in a state similar to his is almost enough to make him tear up.

Despite this, however, he’s sincere. More sincere than you usually see him act, that’s for sure.

Despite how he stumbles over his words, he eventually says what he wants to say. What he wishes someone told him.

“Listen,” he began, taking a deep breath. “I understand simple compliments won’t make the pain go away. No deal I could offer could wash away the hurt, I know that better than anyone.”

He put a hand on yours, giving it a light squeeze. “I truly do think you’re beautiful, if that’s at all a consolation. I look at how you carry yourself, despite the inner turmoil and… a part of me envies that. Your strength. How somehow… throughout everything… you’re still you. You haven’t lost sight of yourself. That’s something I wish I had and- and something I can’t bare to see you lose.” Damn it all, he could feel the waterworks rise up. After all this time he was still a crybaby.

“I understand my practices are… ahem- questionable. But… if you ever need to cry with someone, I have an octopus pot that’s free to you at any time… free of charge, of course.” He smiled, despite him being teary-eyed only seconds ago.

He may not have all the answers, but he’s still there whenever you need. He’s not about to let you cry alone, of course!

EEEEEE I hope you like it!!! First time trying my scenario format, I hope it’s easy on the eyes. More than that, I hope you enjoy, and that you always know you’re never alone no matter the struggle!!

dividers by @/cafekitsune

[wayfayrr]

This fic was originally inspired by the song Kerosene by tart, as it fits got the strong vibe of a yandere needing more in my opinion and I would recommend listening to it while reading <3 but eventually it spiralled into a full on self-aware sky x reader

And with that tone, they ask me 'If I'm ready…'  

Impatiently asking me to throw away my entire life for them, to cast aside everything I've ever known for the chance, the meagre chance, to stay in Hyrule. To join their duet of death, a fight that seems never-ending.

With only Sky offering me an alternate way, offering instead something more valuable than his own life to me. The offer to follow me, of his own regard instead of a twisted love demanding it of me. 

Yet, still sitting here with Sky has its own charm to it. I don't feel pressured to talk or do anything unlike how it can get with the others at times.

"You know my dove, with a touch of your life I was filled with envy… The fact that I haven't been able to live with you, know you longer than I have. I scare myself sometimes."

His chuckle wasn't as reassuring as he would thought it should be if he were trying to be reassuring to me. He could just be nervous after what he simply just admitted to. I know I would be.

"How would you scare yourself with that Sky..?"

"..."

"... I don't - It's just - I… Sometimes I uh- have thoughts. This really isn't easy to say."

Why is he looking at me like I should already know what he’s talking about like he’s going on about an inside joke? 

“It was a catastrophe, as a result of your sanguine vanity. Your confidence that everything was just a game, when you really knew better didn’t you?”

“...Knew better? What do you mean?”

“That I could see you… that from the moment outside the academy when I was told what buttons you would need to press to control me I started to connect everything, that I was alright with you being the one who had this ability to puppet me? You knew, didn’t you? You fell in love with me at the same time didn’t you?”

“Sky I - I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Is he - No he can’t be. He couldn’t have known he was in a game. He can’t have been in love with me since then… even if he did know… He should hate me. At best, this is some broken-down mechanical love, some remnant of stray code… Oh what am I doing lying to myself, nintendo made Link as a blank slate, there would never have been any failsafe like that. Because it shouldn’t be possible for him to become self-aware.

“When I first woke up that day it was like there was this other part of me, you it was you, but it didn’t take me long to realise that you weren’t a part of me. You were you and you could control my every single action.”

“My world at that point was a plaything for you but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  I didn’t need to eat nor sleep when you were there for me, it was like I was complete. I was blinded by looking for Zelda for so long that I wasted the time I could’ve spent just basking in you.”

“I love you more than I need to breathe because you complete me… but you don’t feel the same.”

“Because I’m just a toy to you aren’t I? Be-because you left me. You just left, you left me behind and didn’t come back.”

Everything, he knows everything. Where do I start, how do I handle this? I can’t leave him spiralling like this, it’s not fair to him. Would he even believe what I’ll tell him? Do I want to tell him? 

“Sky I’m not going to lie to you. I did see you as just a game, I didn’t know that you were a person that you were alive. But I know better now. You’re not just a toy.”

“But I was just that to you…  you - you were just like a god that was sent from above to help me in my darkest moments. I didn’t- I mean I know, I shouldn’t have been able to have known any of that but I just - I don’t - I- I don-”

Tapering off into the most heartwrenching sobs after all of that isn’t something I could ever have imagined coming from the hero of the skies. I can’t comfort him. I’m not a monster.But I’m not a god either. Even if that’s what he saw me as, even though that’s what he wants me to be.  

“Sky I’m not a god. I never was, but I do care about you, I’ve said it before and seeing as you need to hear it now more than ever. I love you Sky. The you, I’ve gotten to know over this whole thing with the shadow.”

“But I - [Name] I just -”

“I know this is a lot to go through. It must’ve been absolute torture going through all of that. Can you breathe for me? I’m here to listen to you but I can’t if you’re too stressed to speak properly.”

“I - Thank you.”

The tears staining his face are starting to dry now, leaving streaks as proof of his own sadness, ones that have too much emotion behind to have been faked. All of this has to be true, there’s too much detail on things I’ve never mentioned to him for him to be lying to me based on one thing he’s heard about my own world. Which means he’s been aware of me for so much longer than he’s let on. That he might have known me for far longer than he’s let on. There’s no safe way to ask this now though so I’ll just have to hope he brings it up on his own. 

“I first figured out that I was this character after the dream I had about demise, after I woke up, when Horwell was talking to me about the lost remlit and how he told me to press z to target him, not even calling me by my name he called me Sky. But what made it even worse is I could remember fighting demise, making up with Groose and getting the triforce yet I was back to the start and being called something different.”

“That’s when you knew? Did you realise it was me immediately or did that take longer? You don’t have to answer of course, just talk about what you’re comfortable with Link.”

His breathing is slowly evening out now, clearly his earlier panic is starting to subside. Although now I don’t have my past option of being able to move away from him anymore, not with how he’s leaned all his weight against my side in, if he wasn’t so deeply upset about all of this, what I could call a desperate attempt to keep me by him. With all of this only seemingly proved more by how he’s tangling his fingers in mine to hold my hand tightly against his chest. 

“I first knew it was you when Zelda pushed me off that landing again. Your disgust at her doing that, at her not trusting me even though you already knew it was going to happen at that point. It wasn’t until I was first in the temple with Fi that I saw you properly though. I couldn’t even spare more than a second to bask in your beauty because, well I was scared that if I acted too differently from what you expected then you would just abandon me, but I wanted too more badly than anything. What I wouldn’t have given at that time to just have been able to spare more than a simple glance at you. Who I wouldn’t have killed to get the faintest chance to simply hold you.”

“...What was that last thing you said?”

“What do you mean my dove? The fact I would’ve given anything to spare a glance at you?”

“No that other thing you said.”

“That I couldn’t act differently out of fear that you would abandon me to a lifeless world where everyone was acting like soulless husks only repeating the same line over and over and over.”

“No that very- you know what, don't worry about it.”

The last remains of his tears finally fade away now as he nuzzles himself further into my shoulder and brings up our intertwined hands to kiss my own. Drawing out the moment as long as he can, fitting as he’s spent so long pining for this very touch. What’s going unsaid here is more than enough to be unsettling now, with how overbearing his feelings are getting and how desperate and cheery he’s sounding now. It’s a terrifying combination.

“I realised pretty quickly that it was your second playthrough. That I’d missed out on basking in you because I was too focused on saving Zelda,  but now I’m done with saving. I don’t want to go back to my own world, I don’t want to go back to her with how she’s always asking for more. I wish I could’ve just crawled through the screen and into your arms instead; burn away my past but I never could. I was stuck in that damned game, watching as you were so happy with me even though I wasn’t a person to you - just a toy. I could hear all the things you were saying from you complaining about your day, to how you kept calling me your precious baby girl.”

“Oh so… you heard everything… everything I was saying?”

“Everything. From the sweeter things like when you would apologize for me getting hurt even though I would never have held it against you, to how you thought I looked good in 'that green', how you'd let me do that to you as I finished off a skulltula, even how you thought ghirahim was fatherless. By far the best things to hear were you just talking about your own life, hearing you going on about your day made me feel more real than anything else did. I could imagine myself there with you, as a real part of your life.”

The chill down my spine at that admission didn’t go unnoticed by him as he coiled tighter into my side as if he was attempting for my touch to consume him fully. Like he’s gotten a taste of this touch and he’s wanting some more, like a hit of kerosene or something sweeter. 

"I don't want to go back to how it was before [name], I can't go back to Skyloft. I don't ever want to be pulled apart from you again, because when you finished the game? it felt like nothing was worth anything any more. I'm convinced I would have been better off dead than how I was without you."

He seemed not to be fond of my stunned silence, even still he respected it, letting me have precious moments to gather my thoughts. To say what? Where would I begin with handling this? I can’t question him, he’s so fragile right now and I’m too scared to break him. Maybe just…

“I’m sorry, Sky I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t know earlier… that I couldn't help you through all of that, that I didn't treat you like an actual person. Is there any way I could possibly make it up to you?"

If that wasn't the best worst thing to say then, I don't know what I could have said instead. Luckily he seemed to like it if how he’s burning himself further into my side is anything to go off of, proven more by the contented hum he’s let out. 

“Please, just don’t leave me again - I- I won’t hold it against you if it's not your own choice, like how the shadow brought you here to me, but I never want to have to be apart from you again. I want to go back to your own world with you, a brand new life with you is all I need.”

“I promise link, I won’t leave you of my own choice from now.”

“If anything happens so that you get torn away from me - can you start a new save on your switch?”

“What..?”

What good could that be - what if it only made things worse? What if that got rid of his memories? No. [name] you have to trust him on this. He knows so much more about it, he’s the one who’s lived this. If that’s what he thinks the right option is. Then it’s the best option.

“If you make a new save then this time - this time I won’t have to be worried about you overreacting and deleting me - I don’t know if I’ll be able to talk to you -  There has to be some way I can get out of that game and into your arms again my dove. I just know it.”

[anonzentimes]

hiya zen ! i'm sorry if this has been asked before but it just seemed like such a fun concept to explore.

on to the question, which of the seven deadly sins do you think fits nagito best ? honestly, he's so complex and putting him into a small box is already difficult enough as it is, but combined with the fact that... pretty much none of them are accurate to his character, it's pretty difficult to tell.

i've seen people (on r/danganronpa, so not too surprising) say he's wrath, which feels ,,, iffy to me. that doesn't feel like it fits him at all. his desire of wanting the very best for others seems to contrast with wrath. honestly, willing to bet those people just went "oh evil person who does bad things bc it's fun ok must be wrath then".

one i have mixed feelings about is envy, which... fits hajime better than nagito imo. sure, his entire worldview is kind of based around talent, but it doesn't feel like jealousy to me. the core of his character is that: due to trauma and the talent-obsessed society around him, he starts to hate himself... and instead of trying to desperately give everything away to change that like hajime , he just... accepts it. he accepts it as a part of himself, or hell, as the entirety of himself, as if that was all there was to him. hell, he even states *twice* that he doesn't envy the ultimates. once in the beginning of chapter 2 during his monologue, where he states that:

"Ah, just so you know, what I feel is different from admiration."

"Admiration is... wishing you could be like the object of your admiration."

"But, what I feel is more... pure. More like a selfless love that wants nothing in return."

And, once at... the beginning of the OVA i think ??? it's been a long time since i rewatched it so I don't really remember but he says something about how... the star of the show is such a demanding role, and how he'd rather remain as he is or something ???

pride is crossed off for obvious reasons LMFAO.

greed isn't accurate to him either. his only motivations are for others, not for himself. and even then, he wishes for an " absolute hope that can overcome any despair " . he doesn't even wish for an material possessions, if that makes sense. can hope be found through those material possessions ? i mean , probably. but like... what he wishes for is.. not only selfless , but also... so abstract ? i don't think he'd be a big fan of the idea that you could achieve pure hope through something material. he views it as absolute good, an absolute good like that would usually be found in other things than just something so limiting as material possessions. I'm pretty unsure about this part though.

lust is... eh. lust is almost always interpreted in a sexual sense, but it can also work in other contexts, though i'm not sure what definition would be in that case. i guess he's lustful for wanting the best for people LOL ??? that sounds so weird.

the people who say nagito is horny all the time would argue nagito is lustful in the sexual sense, and i mean , maybe but not really ? we know he compares hope to sex in one of the songs written by megumi ogata (which i'll consider canon), but he we also know that he absolutely isn't a sex freak by any means and in the games and anime, is actually pretty chaste. he also views sex as something intimate to share with a person he loves. something to share with a person who loves him enough to be intimate with him as well, and pretty much just... mutual expression of trust and intimacy ? i'd interpret lust to be like.. sex obsessed, pretty much. which, of course, kind of contradicts nagito.

anyway, i briefly considered sloth for him, in the sense that he doesn't want to put in effort to achieve something great for himself. it's all for others. he's never going to put in effort for something if it is self-serving, and... even though he ends up significantly influencing other people's lives, he plays a much more passive role in his own life if that makes any sense ????? oh, and it could also be telling of his luck in a way, in the sense that he's kind of... bound to it and can't escape it ? i have no idea 😭 to be honest, this one is atleast slightly understandable, unlike all the others which are just blatantly inaccurate to his character LMFAO.

i don't know, those are just my thoughts. what do you think ?

I just need you to know what I was giggling and kicking my feet over how much of a Nagito understander you are,,, this is such an interesting question it absolutely has not been asked before!!!

That being said, I’m honestly on the same page as you are. I’m a little stumped since none of them really describe Nagito properly? Sloth is the closest one that you could twist into a way of it fitting him, but otherwise most of the others are blatantly inaccurate to important aspects of his character??? I know that isn’t really helpful, but man is it hard to assign him one when he’s so unique. Nagito and Hajime are different sides of the same coin, and I don’t think Nagito’s selfless love, “envy,” or “admiration,” fits into any of the boxes that are provided. The end result feels like he doesn’t fit any of them, but the goal here is to assign him at least one of them right? So I guess Sloth in this situation is the best option, supposedly reflecting specific aspects of him and how he basically never does anything self serving. I mean, at the end of the day I’d like to have slightly understandable over blatant mischaracterization LMAO. So yeah, I think I would agree with Sloth over the others.

Thank you for your ask, this was so interesting to think about!! It made me so happy to read how thoroughly you thought about this, and how much you understand his character <3

[thejournallo]

How do i manifest WITHOUT a method?

As always, I will love to hear your thoughts! and if you have any questions, I will be more than happy to answer them! If you liked it, leave a comment or reblog (that is always appreciated!). If you are interested in more methods, check the masterlist!

Many times, especially when we start this journey to learn how to manifest, we tend to believe that the methods are necessary to manifest. which is not true; the methods and technology are a plus, a premium version, a booster, whatever you want to define them as

On this blog, I explain methods over methods, especially because I generally believe that some methods really help us understand what we have around us and help us be grateful before we reach our desires and be grateful even then.

HOW DO I DO IT?

Every experience is different, and what I am going to write is all to be taken as suggestions because you have to live your own experience, and if you have any problems or struggles, I am here to help. One-by-one, I'm going to explain every step based on my personal experience that still helps me manifest even in my darkest times.

Change of mindset: There HAS to be a change of mindset, and for that, I mean to not self-doubt or doubt your inner potential. You are a star, in the literal sense. We come from the universe; we are part of it. Why should we not listen to the universe? Why should we not listen to ourselves? How do you change the mindset? The way that I changed my mindset is a game of play and pretend. Every time i cauth myself having a negative thought, I replaced it with a vocal or mental one by refusing and changing it into a positive phrase. Example: "I'm manifesting a great body, but I'm still a potato." I catch myself having this thought, "No, it is not true that I look like a potato. Some people will envy my body, and my body does a lot for me! I can only manifest to take care of  it."I replace it with a positive remark.

By changing my mindset, I also bring it into existence: How can we know what we want if we don't speak it or say it clearly, not even to ourselves? How can the universe know? How can we change what we don't know? That's why we have to speak about it, reflect on it, and write about it. The clearer it is in our minds, the better. Let me give you a practical example: Person A (me) and person B (the universe) are friends; person B does something that upsets person A; person A does not say that it is upset about person B's behavior; person B tries to insist because it can be seen that person A is upset about something. Person B and Person A get into a fight because Person A didn't communicate. If person A had been clear about how they felt from the start, person B would have known how to react and help better.

I always had a really active imagination,which is not the same as visualizing, but it helps, so visualizing my dream life was always easy, and I always did that even before I found out what it was. Visualization is something I truly believe you can develop with time too. Becoming able to close your eyes and having scenes play in your head is the most powerful tool that we can have to manipulate our 3D reality. Quick and easy visualization can be done everywhere. (Except if you are driving or working with heavy machinery, be aware of your surroundings and when it is time to manifest or not.)

But the thing that helped me manifest most of all was faking and acting: I faked the most of my confidence and beauty until it became true—until it became my reality. I acted, taking actions towards my manifestation. In this way, not only did I impersonate who I wanted to be, but I also took action as them. Let me be more clear than this: I desire to be A, so I fake being A until I don't believe it. I desire an object, thing, body, etc. and for that I have to take action, i do the action!

I hope I was clear with my explanations, and I am so sorry because I have been more absent on my blog. I will try my best to be as present as possible. Have a nice day or night!

[soursvgar]

What makes them jealous?

demon brothers (minus luci and beel) x gender neutral reader warnings: slight angst, mentions of ch. 16, mentions of violence

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Mammon ━ you praising someone else

Mammon has an aptitude to get himself into sticky situations, which graced him with quite the reputation. Virtually, Mammon is a good one, but has a hard time bringing his image to line with his actual personality. When he fell for you, he made it his life's mission to show you the real him, the one that is caring, generous and loving. Mammon wants you to perceive him as the perfect man, one that can provide for your every need, and fulfil your every whim. Hence, hearing you complimenting and praising anyone other than him is unacceptable, he can be whatever you need him to be, just don't go to someone else.

"I've decided I'm not speaking with ya, human." Mammon settles on your bed, arms linked together as he glowers at you. "Your silence sure is rumbling. What is it this time?" You tease, already used to his dramatic responses. "It ain't funny! Yesterday you commented on Lucifer's self discipline, then it was Beel's determination to stay active, where do I fit into all this, hm? What is it with ya?"

At first you laugh, but he retains his scowl, persistent in his theatrics. You decide to sit by his side, taking his hand into yours before you rest your intertwined fingers on your lap. "I applaud their admirable behaviors because I believe it's good to celebrate positive things others do, but it doesn't take away from your good virtues. There are things that no one else does as well as you." Mammon looks up at you as if desperately seeking your affirmations. "T-There are? I mean- of course there are, no one compares to The Great Mammon! But a-ahem, like what?"

"Oh, so that means you're talking to me again?"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Leviathan ━ you hyping up a favorite character/idol

It may come off a little silly, but being a shut in has Levi holding different people to different standards. Deeming himself a worthless good for nothing, his jealousy manifest in the people you adore, since he so badly wants to be one of them. However, the only beings he associates with you are in his immediate surroundings, his brothers for example, which are equal to him in power and status. Therefore, when you come into his room gushing about your favorite idol or character, that he already holds to higher standards due to the god-like class he administers to his own, he can't halt the rush of envy through his body. Why can't he be them?

"What is this doing here?" Leviathan holds a crumped piece of paper, inspecting it. You had requested his aid with moving furniture in your room in order for you to clean behind them, not realizing you brought some of your merch back from the human world with you. "Oh, I was wondering where that disappeared to... it's my favorite member from a human world band I'm a fan of." Beaming at the long lost item, you take the poster back and begin straightening the edges while you tell Leviathan all about your idol. Leviathan doesn't respond, instead, he watches you with a displeased expression, looking almost offended.

"By any chance, are you... jealous?" Puzzled, you seek for his confirmation, having actually thought that out of all brothers, Leviathan would be the most accepting of your interests. He's quick to shoot you down, mumbling bitterly about how he was certain that things like these were his area of expertise and it simply took him by surprise. You knew better, though; the nervous flinching of his fingertips accompanying his overly impudent attitude attested of his attempt to control his envy from getting out of hand. You almost visibly coo at his efforts to contain himself, smiling to yourself.

"But you know you're always my number one, right?"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Satan ━ you (or anyone) outsmarting him

'Knowledge is power', is key to understanding Satan's values and way of thinking. Feeling slightly inferior within his own family, he uses his wits to grant himself an advantage over the others as he believes that being the smartest person in the room puts him on a higher pedestal, and worthy of more respect. Satan has to be the smartest, and no one usually puts enough effort to rise above him. So when you come around and prove the limits of his brain to him, you send him into a state of confusion, unravelling his self deprecating side rather than a vengeful beast of wrath.

"You were cheating, there's no way I've lost, I haven't lost a game of othello for over a hundred and fifty years." Satan rambles, spectating the board that sent a clear message of victory on your part. "For the nth time, I didn't cheat. I won fair and square." You roll your eyes and brace yourself for a potential full blown argument. It was a recurring theme for Satan to rage and throw a tantrum over pretty mundane things, and while usually the two of you channelled the pent up energy towards a better usage of your time (interpret this however you like), this specific occasion felt very different. Satan did not sulk nor did he violently toss any inanimate objects in the room, instead, he was sitting quietly, eyes boring holes into the game board as if it might change the result.

"It's not possible, how did you beat me? I'm supposed to be the smart one, the one you go to whenever you need guidance or help. And now I can't even win a simple game against you?" Your face softens to the sound of his words.

"Well, I had a good teacher. You taught me everything I know."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Asmodeus ━ you being touchy with others

Asmo is a pretty suave demon, even without his special abilities he can use his looks and his slick tongue to charm any being. Knowing you're a natural yourself at making others sway, he's not too bothered with a flirty remark here and there or a double take. If anything, he finds it natural and even a little exciting when he observes you checking someone out or smooth talking your way into collecting a favor. But don't get too comfortable with his easy going nature, because your body is his temple, and you are his gorgeous treasure that others may look at, but under no circumstances, touch.

"Oh my, was that a flirty shoulder tap I just witnessed Mephistopheles giving you?" Asmodeus gasps, arms crossed. He tries to mask it as meaningless banter, but you can sense there's more beneath it and rush to correct him. "He was just thanking me for letting him copy my notes." You explain. He keeps his stance for a minute before letting his arms fall to his sides, sighing. "That's a no no, okay? Don't just let someone touch you like this, I bet he doesn't even use hand lotion..."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Belphegor ━ you not including him in your plans

No word of lie, this boy is a little bit obsessed with you. Under the rugged layers of sarcasm and chaff hides a gentle, insecure soul that simply just loves you too much for its own good. Belphie deals with his fair share of guilt when it comes to you, and he often walks on eggshells, too afraid to wake up from the euphoric dream that is your relationship. It's those reasons, along with his temper issues, that cloud his judgment whenever you're out of reach and lead his rushed conclusions to break his own heart.

"Did you forget about me?" You blink at the sound of the voice addressing you, only have entered the house of lamentation after an outing with Simeon and Luke. Belphegor was cross legged on the sofa, brows furrowed as he's glancing daggers at you. You slightly shiver, his familiar enraged expression doesn't exactly incite good memories. "I saw the photos on Simeon's devilgram, why didn't you tell me you were going out?"

"Belphie, y-you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you up to ask you to join..." You mutter, shaken by the hostile situation that greeted your return. It's not that you were afraid of him, having him in a pact with you allowed you to take the reins at any given time, but it was never a pleasant reminder to see what your sweet cuddle buddy is capable of attempting once again. Fortunately, the change of pitch was enough to pull him out of his jealous state, recognizing something in your eyes he hoped to never witness again.

"I'm sorry... I'm overreacting. I just missed you, that's all."

[emilyssky]

Chapter 12: The Mess We Made

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, choking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"  

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."    

One year ago today Chan was running around my apartment, anxiously changing from a variety of dress shirts and pants. I remember how big this event was for him and how nervous he was about going for the first time, since back then he only knew the boys just a couple of months. This year things are different.

To say that I was anxious about going is an understatement and thank fucking god that Emma let me borrow one of her dresses cause I probably wouldn't have gone otherwise. Emma grew up in a quite wealthy family, she attended one of the best private schools in the area, and that involved many fancy parties and proms. So she has a good amount of nice, long dresses.

Unlike Emma, I was invited last minute and not by the person I would like, either way, I'm happy that Jeongin invited me the night we hang out. In Seungmin's family apparently, it's a tradition to host a Christmas Eve dinner party, and was a massive deal for him growing up. His nights before Christmas were filled with fancy dresses and suits, people drinking a shit tone of champagne, and 5-star catering employees walking around with plates of foods too small to be that expensive while classical Christmas music played in the background. During the last few years that he's been living on his own, he decided to carry on his family tradition and this year is no exception. I was kind of excited, I have to admit, it's not every day that I get to wear a fancy-ass dress and act like I'm not a broke college student that can barely keep her shit together. The one thing that I was stressing about was the fact that you had to bring a date. Of course, Seungmin told me that it would be completely okay if I show up alone but honestly, it will feel a little pathetic going solo, especially since he's going to be there. A small part of me wanted him to ask me that night. I waited and waited until the second I got out of his car but he never did. Moments from yesterday have been playing through my mind on repeat, like a film from an old movie, bits and pieces of the way he look at me and how the way his smile made the night sky a little brighter. I didn't expect him to call or text but still, since I woke up every time a notification would pop up a part of me hoped it was him. I'm both scared and curious to see how he's gonna act tonight but I know that if he acts like nothing happen it's gonna hurt just a little more this time.

Chan, Hyunjin, and Felix offered to be my dates yet I said no to all three of them. Everyone knows that we're friends and if I showed up with one of them as my date it would mean that I wasn't able to find someone else. Which is true, finding someone who's willing to come as your date to a nice Christmas Eve party is harder than I thought. When Kai offered to be my date after overhearing me complain to Hyunjin about not having one I was extremely reviled. I like Kai, he's pretty chill and I feel like he's going to be a great date, plus everyone knows him. Emma is going with Seungmin obviously, while Chan, Hyunjin, and Felix are all going solo, probably in hopes of getting laid.

I smoothen the front of my dress as we step into the elevator. The dress Emma gave me is breathtaking. It's a deep, dark shade of red that contrasts with the paleness of my skin perfectly and the satin fabric falls loose around my body yet tight enough in the right places in order to hug my curves perfectly. The straps are thin, not offering much support to my breasts, but thankfully Emma and I have similar chests so the cups of the dress are enough. My whole back is bare, the fabric starting from the top of my ass and hitting the ground while the big cut that's starting from the middle of my thigh, exposed almost my whole leg. I kept my makeup natural, letting the dress and the deep red that painted my lips do all the work. On any other occasion, I would've perfectly straightened my hair, but his compliment from last night tickled the side of my brain, so I let my long, thick brown curls fall all over my shoulders and down my back.

I bounced my right leg up and down, the sound of my heels clicking against the floor of the large elevator filling the small space.

"Can't you just relax?" Emma touched up the sides of her nude, glossy lips with the tip of her finger in the elevator mirror. She is dressed in a white, tight, strapless dress that makes her figure look almost fake. The way her boobs are pushed upwards and the way the fabric of the dress is so tight around her waist make her body look incredible, offering her an hourglass shape.

"Yeah, you've been fidgeting the whole way here." Kai adds, leaning against the wall with hands in his pockets. He's wearing a simple black suit with a dark red tie to match my dress, which I find really thoughtful and cute. His dirty blond hair is messily styled, yet somehow he managed to look like a runway model.

"I've never been in anything like this before." I mumble but in reality, that's not the reason I've been on edge since I woke up. It's not the people that are gonna be there, it's not the fancy setting or the nice clothes. It's him. It's the fact that he's going to be there, and the irritating feeling deep inside me that he's not going to be alone.

Kai pushes himself off the wall just as the elevator doors over. "You look stunning, relax." He leans in my way, his tone just a little lower than before.

I exhale, forming a small smile and we exit the elevator.

"It's going to be so much fun!" Emma squeals, fastening her step down the hall. "I'm so excited!"

We reach their door and Emma rings the doorbell. I feel my palms sweating already, my fingers playing with each other nervously. Kai shoots me a glance before resting his hand on my lower back, his fingers brushing my hip.

The door opens.

Seungmin's eyes go wide, the rest of his face staying completely still. "You're kidding." His gaze travels along her body.

Her smile goes wide, her whole face blushing. "You like it?"

He clears his throat. "There are people here." His tone drops so that only we are able to hear him. "So I can't really express myself properly. "

I hold my laugh. They're so freaking cute.

He opens the door further. "Please, come in."

The apartment is brighter than ever, with beautiful chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, crystals reflecting the light perfectly down on the crowd of people talking and slow dancing in the middle of the massive living room. All the furniture has been removed, the couch, the armchairs, the tables, everything, leaving the space empty and open. I can count almost 30 people here, and I can't help but let my eyes stare in awe at all the beautiful dresses and outfits. It's like a ball straight out of a movie, with slow music playing in the background, the food, the drinks, and the people, it's incredible.

"Oh, my god baby..." Emma whispers, wrapping her arm around Seungmin as we walk further into the apartment.

"Don't worry, " He says, sensing how nervous all 3 of us suddenly are. "Everyone here is in my inner circle, just close friends and family. All the guys are already here, as well."

Em's feet freeze. "Family?"

A soft smile overtakes Seungmin's lips. "Come with me."

We watch as he drags her further into the crowd, disappearing.

"Well," Kai turns to me. "Shall we go find the others?"

"I'm gonna need a drink first." I chuckle nervously.

Kai looks around, locking eyes with one of the waiters walking slowly between the people, offering them a glass of champagne, and motions for him politely to come our way.

"Champagne?" The blond waiter offers with a sweet smile.

I curl my fingers around a glass, lifting it off his tray. "Thank you."

He nods politely and walks away.

"I see them," Kai says close to my ear. "Let's go."

He takes my hand in his, leading the way to the end of the living room, near the massive windows, that offered an incredible view of the night city. All of them are standing there in a circle talking amongst themselves. Chan's eyes spot us and I can't help but smile at his expression.

"No way." He shakes his head, not believing his eyes. His comment makes everyone's head snap in our direction.

"Holy shit!" Hyunjin's eyes go wide, the glass of champagne freezing inches away from his mouth.

"What can I say?" Kai lifts his free hand, shrugging with a smug expression. " I might have the hottest date in the whole party."

"Shut up." I roll my eyes, his comment making heat spread all over my face.

Chan inches forward, looking at me from head to toe. "You look unreal." He takes my hand, pulling me away from Kai's grip and spinning me into a circle. "Wow."

I can't help but giggle a little.

"No seriously," Hyunjin moves to stand next to Chan. "You look hot as fuck."

"Thank you guys." I nod at both of them, appreciating the way they always go out of their way to make me feel good about myself. "You don't look but yourselves."

Chan adjusts his black tie, making it a little tighter around his neck before rolling up the sleeves of his perfectly straight, white dress shirt, that I ironed a few hours ago after much begging from his part. With black dress pants, black boots, and his dark, messy curls styled just enough to look good but not preppy, he looks shockingly different. Hyunjin wears a similar outfit to Chan and with a face like his and the way his long, blonde hair falls just above his shoulders, he looks like a prince. I move my gaze behind them, noticing Jisung, Jeongin, and Changbin with Lia, who's apparently the only one with a date. I quickly realize that Minho and Felix are missing.

"Where's Felix and Minho?" I ask them as casually as I can.

I notice the small glance that they exchange before Hyunjin speaks up. "Smoke break." I simply nod and move to greet the rest of them.

"Oh, my gosh you look stunning!" I give her a quick hug.

She tugs her hair behind her ear, shyly. "Thank you, you look amazing too."

"Green?" I lift my eyebrow at Changbin's dark green suit.

"I don't like boring outfits." He smirks. "The room is full of them."

"Shut up, Shrek." Jisung rolls his eyes at his friend, pulling me into a hug.

"Hey," I mumble with a soft smile in the small space between his shoulder and his neck.

"I was waiting for you." He says.

"Too many people?"

He scoffs a laugh. "Too many fancy, important people and not enough alcohol to get me though. There are some people connected to my family here as well and let's say that I would rather not talk to them at all. " He explains.

I remember when Minho explained to me everything about Jisung's past and how he and Seungmin are connected but I mask my face and pretended not to know anything. "Really?"

"Yeah, I'll tell you another time."

"Okay." I touch his shoulder sympathetically.

"Hello, gorgeous." Jeongin pulls me in a small, side hug, his cologne hitting my nose immediately.

"Hi." I smile at his compliment.

"So you found a date?" He nods Kai's way, who's chatting with Chan and Hyunjin.

"More like the date found me." I shrug.

He takes a sip of his champagne. "Bummer."

"Bummer?" I lift my eyebrows. "Why?"

"I would've asked you if I knew you were available." He boldly states, his face natural and his eyes confident.

"What made you think I wasn't available when you told me about the party?" I reply, mirroring his confidence.

His face breaks into a smile, dropping his head a little lower. "Were you?"

His question almost feels challenging and makes me wonder if he knows anything about me and Minho.

I look away, into the crowd. "Jeongin, if you had asked me, I would've said yes." I reply instead.

I feel him taking a step forward. "Well, I'll remember that moving forward."

I don't know what to do or say besides simply smiling at him, his forceful approach taking me by surprise.

He lifts his half-empty glass of champagne towards me and I do the same, before drowning the remains of the bubbly liquid.

"May I steal her for a few minutes?" I feel Kai's hand resting on my back.

Jeongin brings his lips into a tight smile. "Of course, she's your date after all."

I let Kai lead me to the dance floor where a good amount of couples are slow dancing to a beautiful melody coming from the speakers. I place my hand comfortably on his shoulder and wrap the other one around his before we start swinging to the music.

"So," He drags the word. "You're switching to one of his best friends?"

I look at him confused. "What?"

"I thought Minho was the one you were going after." He lets go of my waist, spinning me 2 times before settling back into our previous position.

"I'm not 'going after' anyone." I straighten my back. "And to answer your question; no. Minho wasn't one."

"And Jeongin is?" He presses but not at all in a rude or angry way. His tone is light and conversational.

"Can't a girl just have fun?" I almost whine out loud.

"Oh, trust me you can have fun." He chuckles charmingly. "If having 3 guys running after you is your idea of fun."

Now it's my turn to chuckle. "That's not true."

He clears his throat. "You're right, 4."

I narrow my eyes at his hint of a smile. " I know I'm not your type."

He tightens his grip, pulling a little closer, my body pressing onto his. "No, you're not. But I would never say no to you."

That, I've known for a while. Chan had told me that Kai was interested in me months ago, yet despite him being breathtakingly handsome and a really nice guy, I wasn't ready to move on. I wasn't ready to hook up or mess around cause if I would have gotten involved with him, that's all our relationship would be.

"Ah," He purrs near my ear. "And that's the reason you would say no, to both me and Jeongin." I feel his head nod in the opposite direction, his words making my body freeze on his hands. "Don't look, it will make it too obvious."

I wanna look. I wanna look so bad. The desire to simply see him is so intense that it scares me and makes me feel like an addict wanting desperately to get his hit.

"Is he looking?" I whisper in his ear, even though I know Minho can't possibly hear me, and even though I somehow can feel his eyes burning at my exposed back.

"Yep. Intensely, may I add."

I don't move a muscle. "Is he alone?" I asked the question that's been eating me alive.

"Nope."

I exhale, and I try to stay relaxed, I try to keep dancing, pretending to be unbothered by his presence and honestly, my curiosity would have gotten the best of me if Seungmin's voice didn't echo through the speaker, interrupting the music and dancing.

"First of all, I would like to thank each and every one of you that decided to spend Christmas Eve here." He says into the mic, standing on top of the first few steps of their huge staircase, getting everyone's attention. Kai forces our movements to a halt but still keeps a hand on my waist as we stand, facing Seungmin just like everyone.

"This gathering means so much to me, and I'm really happy that I get to host my own version of my family's tradition along with all the people that matter most to me."

It's eating me up inside, an uncontrollable craving and a tightness in my chest. Just a look, a tiny little glance to satisfy my curiosity.

"To my bandmates, to my friends, to my family, and to my lovely girl." He lifts his glass and the whole room does the same. Emma stands in front of him, smiling like I've never seen her before.

Just a peek.

I turn my head to the right, slightly and carefully, with my glass lifted towards Seungmin but the rest of his speech fades into background noise the minute my eyes lock with his. I swear to god, if Kai wasn't holding my waist, my knees would have bugled.

There he was, standing a few meters away, looking simply breathtaking. And already looking at me. Looking at me with a spark in his eyes, a force, a look so dark that made my throat dry, and I couldn't look away, I couldn't take my eyes off him. He looks, unlike anything I've seen him before. He's dressed in black dress pants that make his thighs look mouthwatering and a simple black dress shirt with the first few buttons open, exposing his wide chest. His hair, for the first time ever, is styled, with the left side slightly pushed back while the right front part of his hair falls perfectly over his eye. He looks so magnetizing that I almost didn't notice the petite blonde clinging to his side, under his arm. Dressed in a black, skintight, long-sleeve dress, with a full face of makeup and full red lips.

He smirks, lifting his glass my way with a challenging nod.

"So please enjoy yourselves tonight, and let's welcome Christmas in the best way possible." I snap my eyes back to Seungmin, finally able to breathe. Everyone starts cheering and clapping and when the music started playing again, everyone went back to either dancing or talking almost themselves while enjoying the incredible food and drinks, but I can't move. Not when my mind is glued to the image of her next to him. Who is she? I've never seen her before.

"Do you want another drink?" Kai asks. "Maybe a stronger one?"

"Yes, please." I breathe, wanting nothing more than to be dragged away from the dance floor, and enjoy a strong gin tonic in the corner, where I can't even see him. I let Kai lead the way, with his hand placed on my lower back. We reach the bar, and spot Felix and Hyunjin talking.

"Y/n!" Felix's eyes widen. "You look incredible." He wraps his arms around my waist, lifting my feet off the ground.

A series of giggles escape me. "Put me down! You're drawing attention."

"Are you enjoying the party?" Hyunjin questions with a lift of his eyebrows and a small knowing smile.

Instead of answering, I lean into the counter closer to the bartender making the drinks. "One gin tonic, please. Strong."

Felix lets out a low whistle. "We'll take that as a no."

"I was enjoying my night just fine." I cross my hands, looking into the distance. They're still on the dance floor, her hands loose around his neck and his holding her waist, like they've never held mine. They move slowly to the music as they chat casually. It's hard to stop my eyes from narrowing at the way his face looks almost relaxed, with a light smile as he speaks.

"Staring at him won't work." Hyunjin jokes, copying my position, arms crossed, back leaning into the table.

Felix lets out a laugh.

"Your drink miss." The bartender pushes the glass my way and I take it in my hands, taking a sip immediately.

"Is something going on that I don't know about?" Felix gives me a look.

"Nope." I shake my head, continuing to sip my drink, not taking my eyes off them.

"Something is definitely going on." Kai copies my position as well.

"You can tell us." Hyunjin adds.

"Nothing's going on." I've drank almost half of my drink already. "And even if there was, I wouldn't tell any of you."

"Excuse me?" Felix says, giving me a glare from head to toe while Hyunjin places a hand over his heart.

"Oh, please!" I roll my eyes at their reactions. "You would run to Chan and give him a full presentation of what I'd said, and you know it."

"That's a lie." Felix points his finger at me. "Your secrets are always safe with us princess."

"Exactly." Hyunjin nods. "Even if it's about fucking one of Chan's best friends"

"It's not like that!" Hyunjin's words make my tone rise, feeling a sudden need to explain myself but they simply laugh. "And besides, Chan's my-" Speaking of the devil Chan makes his way toward us, with his hands casually in his pockets, walking through the crowd like he's 7 feet tall.

"Chan!" I greet him. "Hi."

"Hello, pretty lady." He offers me a broad smile, before turning his attention to Felix and Hyunjin. "I need some help."

"Why? What happened?"

"Seungmin's having some trouble with the cakes." He scratches the back of his neck, a habit of his. "For some reason, they couldn't be delivered here, so someone has to go and get them from the bakery, which closes in approximately," He checks his watch. "19 minutes."

"I'll come. " Felix offers immediately.

"Oh, my god, thanks man." Chan sighs in relief.

"No, problem." He sets his half-empty glass on the table. "We'll finish the conversation later." He sends me a wink.

"What conversation?"

Felix pushes Chan towards the door, chuckling. "Nothing mate, come on let's go."

. . . . . . . . .

I tried sneaking glances as much as I could, whether he was dancing with her, going to get a drink at the bar, or absolutely devouring the mini burgers, and he didn't find my eyes once. Even when he was talking with the rest of the boys and I stood only a few feet away, fully involved in the conversation as well, he never once addressed me. In fact, he didn't even look my way. At all. All night. He smiled and talked, and acted like nothing was going on, like he was fully comfortable with me being almost right next to him. Like nothing had happened. He was simply ignoring me the whole night, so successfully that it made pure rage grow inside me. At the fact that it was so each for him to do so, when I couldn't even breathe properly when he was near, at the way he smiled and talked and danced with her, and most importantly at the way he looked absolutely ravishing. Simply stunning.

My anger was growing and growing each second, each minute, each hour passing and I found myself at the bar more often than I should. The party was beautiful. The decorations, the music, the elegantly dressed people, everything. Kai did dance with me numerous times, and I also danced with Hyunjin and Jisung but at times like these when Kai is somewhere talking or smoking with the boys and Emma is busy playing hostess with Seungmin, I give myself a second to simply do some people watching, and fully take in this beautiful scene unraveling in front of me. Everyone is having a great time, Emma and Seungmin along with Changbin and Lia are currently on the dance floor, and the rest of the boys are chatting and laughing. Every single person in here, has a smile on their face, enjoying the moment, something I can't bring myself to do. Hell, even Minho has a hint of a smile on his face.

I drown my 4th glass of gin and tonic.

"Easy there tiger." Jisung takes the now-empty glass from my hand. "Someone's clearly not having fun."

"I am having fun." I scoff. "In fact, I'm having a great time, this party is amazing." I wave my hand around.

"Yes, it is." He smiles, focusing his eyes on me. "Are you okay, kid?"

It's weird how Jisung can always realize when something's wrong, but then again I don't think that I'm making a good job of hiding it.

"Can I ask you a question?" I ask back.

"Sure."

"Do you smoke?"

He blinks at my straightforward question. "Occasionally, yes. Why?"

"Can I have one?"

He blinks again. "Um," Another blink. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Please." I press in a high-pitched tone when he appears to be looking around, probably for Hyunjin.

He sighs but reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

"For an occasional smoker, you sure are prepared." I tease.

He rolls his eyes at me with a smile. "Do you want it or not?" He holds a cigarette between his fingers.

My eyes light up and I immediately take it. "Yes please."

"I'd suggest you go somewhere else to smoke it." He lets his eyes trail around the room once again as if we're dealing right in front of 30 people, placing a lighter in my hands as well.

"Yes, I know." I hide the cigarette inside my palm. "Thanks, Jisung."

He gives me a short nod with a hint of hesitation in his big brown eyes and lets me walk away from him. My legs drag me up the stairs, making a turn to the only room I've ever been in this house. I open the big, glass door and exit the room, walking into the massive balcony. This time I don't climb the stairs to the roof, I walk further into the balcony until I reach the railing. It's a lovely night, perfect for Christmas Eve, the stars and moon lighting up the night sky and blending perfectly with the chilly atmosphere. I shiver, my bare shoulders moving inwards mechanically in an attempt to protect my body from the cold yet I don't wrap my arms around it, instead, I welcome the cold and let it lift the little hairs on my arms and spread goosebumps across my skin. Something about the cold air hitting me, this shivering feeling tingling my back, calms me down. It's like reality showering you in the best way possible, grounding you. I take the cigarette between my teeth, the red of my lips staining the edge and I circle my hand around it, lighting it up. The first inhale hits me hard, reminding me just how much I've missed it; the feeling of the sudden numbness in your brain unraveling and spreading everywhere in your body, and how suddenly with each inhale you feel more and more separated from the world around you. I let the moment sink in in my intoxicated mind, appreciating where I am right now and saving it. I know that my moment is gone when I hear the noise, the footsteps, and the door slamming, and even though I stay still, facing the night sky, hands resting on the railing, it doesn't take longer than 5 seconds to realize that it's him. Maybe it was his sweet vanilla scent mixed with a hint of cigarettes, that filled the air immediately or the way his light, slightly audible breathing sounded somewhat familiar, but I knew.

"Hello, Angel."

"Minho," I simply acknowledge him.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo on your back." He spoke in a low, controlled tone.

The corners of my mouth lift. "I have 5." I stay facing forward, pausing to take another drag of the cigarette and taking my time to exhale the smoke. "And there are many things you don't know about me."

"Like?" He starts walking my way, and I know that he has his hands in his pockets and a small smile is dancing on those beautiful lips, without having to look.

"You'll find out if you stop ignoring me."

My comment forced a chuckle out of him and suddenly he appears to my right with his back resting on the railing, facing me. When I move my eyes from the night sky to look at him, regret showers me from head to toe. I was right about the small smile but definitely not prepared for the way he looks at me through his long lashes. Having not made eye contact for most of the night, being here, and being looked at by him feels like the highlight of my night. And I hate it, almost as much as I hate the way my heart starts beating just a little bit faster.

His fingers come up, snatching the cigarette from between my own in such a swift movement, bringing it to his mouth. "Smoking doesn't look good on you, angel."

I admire how he moves the cigarette to his other hand, the one away from me, taking a drag of it midway and exhaling, and it's honestly crazy how attractive it is to me. "I don't care." I reply, trying to appear unbothered.

"Are you enjoying the dance?" He asks and if I didn't know any better, I would think that he actually cared but I recognize the irony in his voice.

"Of course, I am," I play along. "It's wonderful."

He drops his eyes to the floor. "I think I'm getting pretty good at realizing when you're lying."

My body stiffens. "I'm not lying." The party is wonderful...

"Well, I think you are." His words mix with the smoke as he exhales.

"And what makes you think that?" I further ask, holding eye contact for just a few seconds.

He shrugs. "Maybe it was the quite visible stiffness of your body the whole time, the constant frown that was plastered on those red lips, or the way too much drinking out of discomfort and nervousness. But I think it was probably the fact that you danced only up to 30% of your abilities thanks to that lame excuse of a partner you choose to drag along with you as a date." A small smile threatens to spread on his face, but he contains it.

"None of what you've just said is true," I try to brush him off, forcing myself to act like his words didn't affect me or how it scared me that everything he just said is in fact true. It makes me feel like I can't possibly hide from him, as if he can read me like an open book without even trying. "And don't talk shit about Kai, he's a great date and someone I actually know and have fun with."

His smile widened into a smirk. "Anna and I know each other for quite some time."

I stare into the sky again. "I didn't ask and I don't care."

"You didn't have to, I can see how it's been eating you up inside since you laid eyes on us." The confidence that laces his teasing tone makes me tense up and I feel his gaze on me as he continues.

Us...

"I saw the way you roamed your eyes from her head to her toes every chance you got, probably analyzing everything about her." He blows the last bit of the smoke before pressing the edge of the remaining cigarette on the railing and throwing it away. "It was easy to guess what was going through your mind, " He pushes himself off the railing and moves slowly, almost like a cat, circling around me and leaning closer and closer. "Questions, questions, so many questions, and doubts. I could almost feel you comparing every little thing about her to you." He stops behind me, his chest nearly touching my back yet still knocking the air out of my chest. I swallow hard, feeling his head moving to the side of my face, just above my shoulder.

"And honestly, I don't know what felt more entertaining to me; the fact that I could smell the jealousy out of you or the fact that you actually thought that she stands a chance next to you." He whispers, lips brushing against the cell of my ear and I'm on fire, from head to toe. He's suddenly close, so close, his scent hitting my nose, intoxicating my brain even more and memories of his hands on me and his body pressing against mine begin to dance around my head.

"Minho.." I try my best to sound stable, but my words come out breathy.

He pushes his face further into the curve of my neck, his lips traveling all around, brushing my skin. "What do you want angel?"

Such a dangerous question to ask when I feel like he has my body wrap around his finger without even touching it. "S-stop it. You can't do that."

His low chuckle against my skin sends a wave of vibrations all the way down to my core. "Can't?"

"Yes." I somehow find the strength to push my body away from his and turn to face him, resting my back against the railing for much-needed support. "You've been ignoring me the whole night, and now you wanna come and play games with me? That's not how it works." I cross my arms.

His face is now stripped of any playfulness, his features turning hard as he looks down at me. A moment of silence passes until he decides to speak. "I wasn't ignoring you."

I chuckle lightly. " Yes, you were. Completely."

He bites his bottom lip softly, eyes moving up and down my body fast. "I wasn't ignoring you, " He repeats. "I was trying to contain myself. There's a difference."

I feel my breath shaking at his words, and all I can do is stare at him, no words coming out.

He looks up, inhaling, tongue running over his bottom teeth as he steps forward. "You look fucking exquisite." He drawls. His hands grip the railing tight, trapping me. "My breath was yours the minute I laid eyes on you."

I can only hear my heart drumming against my chest, his words making me freeze. "I don't-"

A noise escapes him, almost like a growl. His nose bumps against mine gently, and his cigarette breath fills the small space between us. "You think I was enjoying watching him have his hands all over you?"

"It sure looked like it. " I whisper, looking up at him.

His eyes are dark, moving everywhere around my face before settling on my lips. "That was the point."

"Why is everything a game to you?" I can't help but whine.

He doesn't answer instead he brushes his lips against mine, taking my words and breath, and flashes me a look. His eyes warning me and asking me at the same time, and in a split second his lips are on mine. His mouth moved with so much power, so much force that it made my grip on the railing tighten as my knees almost gave up. It didn't take long before my mind caught up, making my own lips move against his with the same hunger and he hummed in response, satisfied. His cold hands cupped my jaw as his tongue began brushing aggressively against mine, demanding complete access which I was more than happy to provide. Our mouths danced together in a way that felt almost like a war, biting and sucking, nibbling and pulling, his hand traveled to my hair, grabbing a handful of my dark curls and forcing my head to tilt upwards, breaking the kiss with a choked moan. His mouth traveled to my jaw and down to my neck, leaving wet spots behind and marking my skin softly.

"You have no idea how hard it was for me to contain myself all night,"  He breaths out. "when all I wanted to do was bend you over and admire how hot the back of that dress would look as I fuck you from behind. "

A sound so desperate and needy ripped through my throat at his words, my body in shock and melting in his hands as he continues to devour my neck and chest, his mouth going everywhere.

"Minho.." I find the strength to whisper.

"Yeah, I know.." He groans against my skin.

"Someone could see us." I add.

He drags his lips from my neck back to my jaw, until his mouth is ghosting over mine again "I know," His eyes are hungry and wild. "don't care though."

I laugh under my breath. "We both know that's a lie."

"A lie?"

"Minho, you don't wanna be seen with me." I shake my head lightly. "Every time we're around people you act like a completely different person."

"It's not that angel." He exhales against my lips, brushing his nose against mine. His hands move slowly, from my jaw down my chest, his rough fingers toy with the thin straps of my dress before traveling down to my exposed cleavage. His eyes meet mine as he drags his fingers in between my breasts, making my nipples harden, the shape of them visible through the thin satin material. His mouth twists when he notices, his lips coming together hard. I feel my breath tremble as his hand passes from my stomach and doesn't stop. I switch my gaze from his hand to his eyes nervously while he stays focused on his movement, with eyebrows frowned. When his fingers brush over my core, I inhale sharply, holding my breath.

"God, it would be so satisfying to see just how wet you are for me right now." He lets out a low groan, smiling.

"I'm not." I swallow, tightening my jaw, looking at him dead in the eye.

His smile turns into a smirk, dark and wicked, that shakes me to my core and awakes a hunger deep inside me, making me wetter than I already was. "Let's check then shall we?"

Before I have any time to protest or do anything, he knocks my left foot with his, making my legs open enough for his hand to creep in from the opening of the dress that exposed my leg from my hip bone all the way down to my ankle.

"Minho!" My voice comes out more like a whine, the end of his name dying in my throat as his fingers waste no time, pulling my underwear to the side.

"Ah, shit." He hums in approval closing his eyes when his finger opens my folds, gently rubbing my clit and letting my wetness soak it. His smile grows as his teeth capture his bottom lip between them. "You're dripping baby."

I place my hands on his chest. "Please, s-stop."

"I don't think you want me to stop. Not when I can so easily do," His middle finger slides inside me, effortlessly. "This."

A moan leaves my lips, my head falling back at the unexpected pleasure.

His finger starts moving, fast and hard, making wet, sinful sounds mixed with my embarrassing whimpering fill the air.

"That's it, baby." He drags the words, in a low tone, attaching his lips once again against my jaw.

"Oh my god," I brokenly say, fisting his shirt. He slides another finger in with absolutely no warning, keeping the same brutally pleasurable pace and I feel my stomach tightening, the pleasure building and building. Everything has faded again, an effect that only he has on me, suddenly it's just me and him and I find myself not caring about where we are or who can see us as I let myself fall apart on his fingers.

His lips find mine, swallowing my gasps, in a sloppy kiss. "You feel so good around my fingers angel." His free hand comes up to cup my jaw, forcing my eyes to him, foreheads touching. "You think you can come for me? Huh?"

The way he speaks, so cockily and confidently, is challenging me and I hate how much the way he teases and handles my body, pushes me closer to the edge. This back-and-forth thing between us, this feeling, this rush of adrenaline that consumes me every time he's around is getting addictive and I want more and more. I want him more and more.

His fingers curled inside me, effortlessly finding that spot, and hitting it repeatedly. "S-shit."

"Found it." He says proudly in my ear, gently biting my earlobe, and if I wasn't currently on the verge of having an orgasm at a balcony, during Seunming's Christmas Eve party, I would have slapped that smirk off his face.

The knot in my stomach tightens, my legs begin to shake, and I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest, heat rising to my face. His thumb finds my clit, rubbing circles over it and the second he applies just the tiniest amount of pressure, I feel the pleasure creeping in.

"Minho, I'm g-gonna.." My orgasm hits me like a wave, my whole body going numb, gasps and moans of his name fall from my lips.

"There we go baby," He groans, connecting his forehead to mine again. "Ride it out." All of his digits move perfectly together, not slowing down even a tiny bit, as I make a mess of them. My eyes stay shut, still unable to breathe while the remains of my high still linger, the bliss still tingling my insides.

When he feels me relax, he pulls his fingers out, letting some of my release wet my inner thighs. I open my eyes slowly meeting his. He's grinning like a satisfied child, that got what he wanted.

"Well," He lifts an eyebrow, bringing his two fingers to his mouth and wrapping his full, pink lips around them, sucking them clean while holding eye contact. "That was lovely."

I blink and I swallow hard, and then blink again. Staring up at him, not really knowing what to say, my mind completely blank. "I- uhm.." I stutter, and it could be my head trying to wrap itself around what just happened or how the moonlight falls on his face perfectly, lighting up his big, brown eyes, but I struggle to form a sentence. His hair, a little messed up, probably from my hands, and his whole face, glowing, making me wish I could take a photo of him in this moment.

"I-I-uhm," He mocks, eyes moving all over my face. "Not knowing what to say; that's the 'Minho effect'. " He shrugs.

His words snap me out of my haze. "God, you're so arrogant." I push at his chest, making him stubble just a step, his shoulders shaking with laughter. I cross my arms, shaking my head at the boy in front of me. It's the second time, I've heard him laugh.

He bounces back to his previous spot, lowering his head a bit to catch my gaze, his eyes dark and beautiful. "Are you obsessed with me yet or should I try harder?"

I roll my eyes, fighting back a small smile, this playful and flirty side of his might be my favorite. It's making me wish we could stay like this forever. So close to each other, so open and relaxed. But sadly the nature of our relationship is nothing like that.

I open my mouth to answer but the shout of my name ripping through the air, makes me freeze.

Hyunjin.

He steps into the balcony, chest rising and falling so hard that he's visibly struggling to breathe. His face is covered with a thin layer of sweat and his hair is messily falling over his face as if he was repeatedly running his hands over them.

"Hyunjin?" My head snaps to him, but it's the look on his face, the panic in his eyes that makes my blood run cold, and my feet to take a step forward.

"We have a problem." He breaths out, hard.

"What is it?" Minhos takes a step forward as well, his body and face shifting completely, hardening, alarmed.

"It's Chan and Felix."

[suusoh]

(Nothing out of the ordinary. just a buncha gals looking at and talking about each other's bust like two normal friends. Reader gets boob..envy? boob curiosity? with Anna. self-indulgent so Itty bitty titty community rise up!!)

———

round.

They're so... round. What is that- a B cup? C? You don't know. You feel like squinting your eyes a bit more to try and focus on the distance of the peak of her mound to the base of her chest. How many inches of distance is that? Maybe you can mentally calculate it. Though you have to take into consideration the fabric of her turtleneck.

They look really squishy too. You wonder if you held on one of it, would it be as soft as it looks, or firm with a bit of toned muscled behind it? Would it hurt if it bounced up and down while exercising? How do you even lay down on your belly comfortably—

"Eyes on the lecture, (____)."

You instantly break your gaze and look up at blue eyes gently creased and looking directly at you, amused. Owner of said blue eyes sitting beside you right now, and bringing her pen up to lightly tap the tip of your nose, a small playful punishment for your warndering gaze

Your face slowly warms up, before you shake your head a bit and give a subtle apologetic frown to your friend.

— Closest, friend.

As she'd always lovingly correct you. Lest you forgot that very important bit.

"Guess I got distracted," your eyebrows softly crease in concern, "Sorry Anna, I didn't mean to stare at you like that."

The amused pair of eyes roll over to the side as their owner brings a hand up, waving her fingers to brush off your concerns.

"Relax." Anna chuckles sarcastically before it slowly melts into something more friendly. "It's you anyways, so it's fine. Much better than some random creep."

You nod, blush slowly calming down now at her understanding. You try to look at the powerpoint presentation in front of you again to make up for your distraction, but it's no use. You already lost track. You sigh softly before turning your slight attention to her again. Compelled to still explain yourself, as if to plea not guilty to your crime.

"I guess I just wonder how they'd feel."

Her eyebrow quirks at that, before she quickly gives you a suggestive smirk. You laugh, already hearing the unspoken 'Well, all you have to do is ask~,' before playfully giving her shoulder a light shove.

"Not like that!" You roll your eyes at her this time.

"-I meant like how they'd feel if... you know, if I had them or something." you let out a quiet giggle at your own confession. Silly. Imagining your day to day life with bigger boobs.

She shoots you another curious look, but her lips slightly pull into a thin line, almost as if she's one second away from scolding you.

"'If you had them'? Don't tell me you're insecure or something."

You shake your head again, "Boobs are boobs no matter the size."

Then, you give a little squeeze to yours to further prove your point on how neutral you are about it, lighthearted even. Though you don't notice the intense, almost possessive stare that carefully followed your hand's movement to your chest, and lingering there after your mini demonstration.

"Guess I just wonder what they'd be like. Must be nice to fill out lots of cute tops and dresses, no?"

Anna's brows furrow a bit. She lets out a soft scoff and looks somewhat... irked. Oh, did you accidentally say something offensive?

"Your look good in everything and anything (____). Wear as much cute tops and dresses as you want."

Of course, that's what she's irked about.

Ever the fiercely supportive best friend. Always taking offense on your behalf, which leaves you always offering leniency on her behalf.

'No, Anna, I’m fine, I promise' 'Anna it's just a small scratch relax,' 'It’s not a big deal, Anna. He's just being an asshole let’s just go,' and of course, the classic, 'Wait, it’s fine that there are pickles—please don’t confront the cashier Anna! nooooo-'"

It feels like one of those moments righ now. You smile gently trying to reassure her again that you hold no ill will to your precious little chest pillows.

"I know that I can wear what I want, but I also know that some tops and dresses don't, well... flatter me as they might on someone like you."

You don't know why you're trying to be careful with your words. This is you being talked about here, right? Your chest. So why does it feel like you're trying not to offend her.

"I mean come on," you grin in an attempt to further soothe the slight confrontational air right now. "I can barely fill out a bra."

"Well then you're trying on the wrong bras at the wrong place, I know plenty of specialised underwear stores that will have no problems with fitting over your girls."

Anna glances down at the stated 'girls' in question.

Small.

They're so... small.

And cute.

And sexy.

What are you an A cup? Smaller? She squints her eyes to try and focus on the distance of the peak of your mound to the base of your chest. She mentally calculates but stops midway, probably already knowing the answer. It’s as familiar to her as knowing small details about you; your allergies, your mother’s maiden name, your face when you try to hide the fact that you're reading erotica on your phone right in front of her.

They look so sensitive too. She wonders if she played with it, would you gasp softly in surprise, or would you try to bite your lip— firm— to stop any noise from coming out? If she cupped it would she be able to hold it all in one hand? Would it hurt if she pinched on your cute little nipples and flicked her finger at it up and down?

No doubt they'd fit quite nicely in her mouth. The thought of your tit resting against her tongue, like a soft small lump of pudding brings a shiver down her spine. Though you'd be leagues better than pudding, or any other dessert she's ever tried for that matter.

Oh fuuuck.

She bets you'd taste so good.

Your reactions would just be too fucking sweet. She can already hear your soft little chants of ''Anna! Anna! Anna-'" in that breathy voice of yours you use whenever you try to scold her for treating you right.

Of course you didn't ask for pickles, why do you have to pay the price for someone else's mistakes? She'll give you that pickle-less burger baby, she'll give you anything you want. Do you want a new bra? Do you want her to kiss and suck on your tits til' all your stress and worries melt away? Do you want her to kiss and suck on different, lower, more sensitive parts of you too? Do you want her t—

Do you want her?

Her and no one else? Not even someone who could look exactly like her, down to every eyelash or fingernail? Would you still choose to love her over anyone else, even if that someone were a him instead?

You do want her... you should. She'll do anything for you her darling sweet girl baby doll love of her life—

"Eyes on the lecture, Anna"

She lifts her downcast gaze and meets your teasing, playful eyes. She should feel embarrassed or apologetic— or any normal human reaction when caught staring at someone’s bust, especially one belonging to a close friend's.

Close friend.

That doesn't sound right— not to her at least.

She supposes she'll just have to slowly correct you, and everyone on that when the time comes. She'd much prefer a different term when it comes to describing her and you. You'll see what she means, sooner or later, sweetheart.

"Guess I got distracted." she mirrors your answer as well, tender smile gracing her lips the longer she looks at you.

"Want to shop for new bras after class? My treat."

[monnn]

>Winter Petal✧⁠*

Pairing: non-idol!Wonwoo x gn!reader

Genre: angst, angst and more angst, one-sided love, reader is LOVESICK for Wonu!! >o<"

Warnings: it's just gonna hurt a lot and doesn't end happily, so read at your own risk(I'm sorry)

WC: 3.1+

A/N: oof, hello folks. the past few weeks has been such a roller-coaster and I wasn't really feeling better. I'm doing better now and I hope you are too♡ since this was due for quite a while, it's a bit Ionger than expected. this is the last part of the unexpected series and I hope you have enjoyed it so far! I'll shut up now and let you read, so hold on tight and let yourself feel while reading this! a little song recommendation: I Love You So by The Walters on loop! @-@

part-1, part-2 here!

_________________________________________

PRESENT

Wonu was busy adoring Jiyeon, while your eyes were on him, Jiyeon’s voice snapping you out of your trance.

“You’ll be there as early as possible. I better see you at the venue, at least a week before. Please Y/N?”she goes on, from demanding to begging real quick.

“I'll try my best Ji. You know how busy I can get” you say, sipping your hot chai.

They were getting married.

Wonwoo was getting married and it wasn't to you.

The biggest heart break of all times.

The thought of Wonwoo being the first of your friends’ circle to be hitched, is beyond you. Wonu hated commitments, relationships didn't matter.

“I still can't believe you're marrying this annoying ass, Jiyeon. He must've really worked wonders for his previous eight lives” you say, playfully knocking Wonu’s head, signalling him to get off his phone.

“Are you really my best friend?! You're supposed to be happy for me!” he whines. You just laugh at him instead of replying. Honestly, you were happy for him. Though it wasn't something your heart desired for, you were happy to see Wonwoo happy. Even if it means that you won't ever have a chance with him. Maybe you'll eventually forget him, you think. Though that's almost impossible.

Almost.

“But I agree with Jiyeon. You need to be there ASAP, Y/N. You know how much of a wreck I turn into when I'm stressed. And all of us would have more time to spend with each other. I know how stressful all our lives have been and I'm sure we've all missed each other, so please?” he rambles, all in a single breath. As much as whatever Wonu told was true, you don't think you can physically handle it all. It’d be too overwhelming for you, with your emotions splayed out and heart on your sleeve, waiting to be ripped off by none other than the groom. So, you chose the safest option – to arrive on the wedding day.

“I'll try my best Wonu. I can only wonder how stressful it can be for the both of you, but I also know you guys are THE powerful duo who can overcome anything. So, I’ll root for the both of you, hoping everything would turn out well and I'll see you on your big day” you say, wearing a warm smile covering the growing pain in you.

The couple radiate the warmest of energy and nod at whatever you said as it’s nothing but the absolute truth. They've always been this way, unbreakable no matter what. You used to envy that, as your college-self wanted them to low-key breakup. You and Wonwoo were THAT powerful duo before Jiyeon came through, it was only human for you to be jealous of them. Now you just feel tender looking at them, there's no jealousy, which is truly surprising.

◇

Days pass by sooner than you think and you're on your way to the destination. As weird as Wonwoo can get, the wedding’s happening in winter instead of spring or summer like the others do. He was specific about this as he met Jiyeon in winter. Little did anyone know that the both of you met in winter too. Well, it was winter in your lives as you and Wonu were both loners. It’s almost fateful for the both of you to be stuck with each other for so long.

If only this wasn’t platonic, everything would be straight out of a well-written romance fiction. (haha, unlike this one)

Your said date a.k.a Seungcheol, had picked you up from your place early in the morning to drive you. Jeonghan had planned all this, since he can stay without a date as his sister was coming along. Cheol was great company, and he didn’t need to have conversations with you, making the whole scene feel alien. You were truly grateful for that, as you didn’t really have an appetite to digest the things spewed by others at the wedding. The weather was getting a bit warm for winter, making you roll your window down, feeling the sharp yet soothing breeze while you try not to feel like your heart’s about to be grilled because of the emotions you felt. Your thoughts were interrupted by Jeonghan calling Cheol, who’s phone was connected to the speaker. You pick it before he reaches, Cheol sending a small smile to you.

“Hey Cheollie, how far away are you guys?” you hear Hannie, enquiring like the mum he is.

“Hi Han, we’re an hour away. How’s it going over there?” you ask, warmth crawling up your cheeks.

“Hi Y/N!!! I can’t wait to see you,” he pauses, the boys screaming in the background as they hear about you. “These morons won’t let me speak to you, so I'm gonna hang up now and see you both soon!” he says, seemingly pushing Soonie away as he was whining over the speaker to you about not being there sooner.

Laughing, you almost hang up before pausing to ask something.

“Oh, and Han?”

“Yeah, love?”

“How’s he? Is he alright?” you ask, curiously.

Sensing how concerned you were, Han chose to not make it harder.

“He’s alright for now, babe. He’ll be okay. I’d ask about you but it’s way too early and I want you to be wrapped in my arms for at least 20mins before I ask you anything” he says, sighing in relief.

“Hannie, I thought WE were married!” Cheol whines, as you laugh at how he’s sulking over the affection Han has for you. It’s cute, how they’ve been each other's rock for so long and yours too. You’ve genuinely missed your friends so much, your heart aches a little at the instances where you avoided them to protect your peace.

Hannie’s giggles bring you back, as he replies saying that they’re over if Cheol doesn’t get us there ASAP. Now you’re dealing with a sulky Cheol, who’s whining at how Han’s pulling tricks always, though you can’t help but just laugh at your friends’ antics.

Time flies and you’re at the wedding, a whiny Chan and Soon clinging onto you as you walk. They lead you guys to where the others are and upon the sight of you, Han’s running over to you. He jumps on to you as you topple down, Hannie having no intention of letting you go. He asks about Cheol, who insisted that he can drop the bags in your room all by himself. You guys just lay on the grass for a bit and he gets up as the weather’s still a bit cold, to drag you inside the resort. Seeing all your friends made you tear up a bit, which led to all of you shedding a few tears as you guys hug the sadness away. It’s wholesome than sad, because of how much these idiots mean to you and vice versa. The friendships you’ve built with each of them is so darn precious to you and it’s baffling how you were ready to throw this all away, just for that one man. Who was now about to be married. Pushing this aside, you search for two of your other friends who were nowhere to be found. In the garden area of the resort, you find them caressing their own drinks. Mingyu’s got champagne while Jihoon’s in love with his whiskey. They’re still the same old dorks you met; you ponder over while walking towards to them.

“Already?” you say, startling the both of them as they were lost in their own drinking shenanigans.

Mingyu is the first one to get up, lifting you up while he gulfs you into him. He’s so warm and smells like home, you’ve missed this puppy.

“I’m so glad to see you, Y/N. Do you need a drink too?” he asks, ready to order one for you. You shake your head, not wanting to show up drunk at your best friend’s wedding. The minute Mingyu lets you down, you run to hug Jihoon. You feel tears stinging your eyes, heart feeling heavier than ever. Sensing that you need your time with Jihoon, Mingyu walks away telling that he’ll see you around and to contact him if anything. You hug him goodbye before turning back to Jihoon.

Honestly, he’s the best person to let your thoughts be and to just sit with it than avoiding it like a plague. Jihoon glances at you, ordering a glass of gin with ginger ale while you were settling down. Once the drink arrives, he pushes it to your side, signalling you to have it.

“Jihoon....I can’t” you say, hesitantly but low-key really needing some alcohol in your system.

“You’ll need it for later, Y/N. Have it please?” he requests, raising his glass and waiting for you to clink them with. You give up, taking the glass and toasting it with Jihoon’s before having a sip. The way your sip lasted more than it was supposed to, seemed like you were quenching your thirst but with alcohol.

Well, fuck being sober at the love of your life’s wedding, I guess.

You hang with Jihoon for a bit more, before a cute Joshua is waltzing through the room, letting you know that it’s time to get ready for the ceremony. At this, Jihoon just nodded at you and hugged you off, saying that he’ll see you at the hall in a bit. The hug lingered for a while which was broke by Jisoo, coughing to subtly steal you away from everyone.

What was with him?

Well, he had a crush on you. Everyone else knew, except for you. Even Wonwoo knew. Shua wasn’t sure if his adoration has stayed a crush for so long, but he wasn’t ready to give up on you. Though a part of him is sad that you’re not the bride, he’s slightly happier to have a chance to woo you. (PS: everyone knew you were head over heels for Wonu, cheers to being the monarch of simp nation. JK, you were too obvious around him)

Hand wrapped around his arm, Shua leads you to your room, informing that Cheol will be over to pick you up in two hours or so. You slowly get into your dress, adoring how beautiful it looks before the makeup artist’s knocking at your door. You let them in and then sit down to get your makeup done, while you snack on carrots and stay on your phone. In no time, you’re dolled up real nice and right on time, Cheol enters. He smiles at you before engulfing you in a hug, careful not to ruin the art you are.

“You look lovely, Y/N. If I weren’t gay and married to Han, I’d walk down the aisle with you tonight.” he jokes, making you laugh.

“There we go, a smile was all that was missing” he says, taking your hands in his.

“How are you feeling, dove?” he asks, eyes scanning for any discomfort or sadness.

“I’m doing alright, Cheol. Thank you for checking up on me, always” you say, giving his hands a tight little squeeze.

“Glad that Jihoon made me have a good ol’ glass of Bombay Sapphire with ginger ale. I think I can survive the ceremony without breaking down and confessing my love to Wonu, while he’s getting married to Jiyeon” you blurt out, jokingly. There’s a moment of silence as Cheol gawks at what you said before you tell him that it was a joke and how they should get going before it gets late.

Guess you are late, as the person you love would be walking the aisle with his lover, who sadly isn’t you.

Before entering the hall, you go over to see the bride and groom. You head to Jiyeon’s room, heart hurting yet happy for her. Knocking on the door, you open it to see Jiyeon, pacing around the room in her wedding gown. She looks ethereal, and so ready to share her life with your best friend. As soon as she notices you, she runs towards you to hug, and tries to collect her breaths.

“Y/N, I can’t do this. I can’t. Can you marry Wonwoo instead?” she asks, voice laced with panic. It’s pathetic how you actually consider that for a minute. Laughing it off, you pull Jiyeon back, holding her hands in yours, eyes meeting hers while you muster up the courage to say –

“Hey Ji. You’ll be alright, okay? It’s not someone you don’t know, it’s just Wonu. Everything will be alright. Breathe for me, please?"

“Right, you’re right Y/N. It's Wonwoo, why’d I didn’t think of that? Anyways, thank you Y/N. Though you’ve always been his rock, you secretly managed to be mine too” she says, a wide smile plastered on her face.

“So, I'll see you on the aisle, yeah? All the best Ji, you’ve got this” you say, leaving before she replies. Your feelings were up your throat, waiting to be pushed out anytime if you hadn’t left the room. You do the same thing you told Jiyeon – breathe. You take a few deep breaths, fixing yourself as you head towards your best friend.

Best friend.

As you were about to knock, the door opens revealing an equally nervous yet, oh-so beautifully dressed Wonu. He’s pulling you inside, locking the door behind, not giving you time to process. You wait for him to say something, instead he just looks at you like he’s about to cry if you don’t hug him.

So, you do. You embrace him in your arms, for the last time as a bachelor and probably the last time as your love.

After staying in each other’s warmth for a while, he lets go, letting you take a good look at him.

“God damn, Wonu! You look so sharp, didn’t know you could stop being in your nerd element” you joke, winking at him. He laughs, before twirling lazily to give you a 360 of his carefully crafted tux.

“Ready, big guy?” you ask, searching for any hint of resistance in his eyes. He locks eyes with you, nodding slowly. Things have always been like this with him, words didn’t seem like a necessity. You were more than glad to not be talking more than that because honestly, you wouldn't be in one piece.

“Yeah. Yes, I’m ready Y/N. Don’t think I've ever been sure of anything, than this moment right now.” he says, lips curling into a soft smile. That smile of his was reserved, only you had seen it apart from Jiyeon, of course. You reciprocate the same, hugging him for the one last time and leaving the room with the feeling of your heart, suddenly weighing a ton.

As soon as you exit the room, you find Cheol pacing around in the hallway. At the sight of you standing outside Wonwoo’s room, Seungcheol is walking towards you.

“Hey dove, you alright?” he asks, so full of concern. You smile so much as a reply. So much that your cheeks hurt and tears slowly start to well up from within the depths of your fragile heart.

“I'm okay Seungcheol. Let's head to the hall before we're late, yeah?” you slur, trying to shake your tears off. He comprehends how sensitive you are and just nods at you, silently hooking your arm to his while the both of you walk towards to hall.

You realize, the pain you feel, is beyond anything your brain could fathom and mere words can describe how much it hurts.

The hall looks so elegant and everyone there look so beautiful, like dolls in a dollhouse. There are lots of orchids and tulips, as an ornament to the room, making it look so soft yet neat. You move towards your friends, praising how good they look in their tuxedoes and chit-chatting your way through the whole thing, trying your best not to think.

Weirdly, Joshua’s by you the whole time, stuck like gum. Not that you mind it or anything, it's actually really comfortable. Cheol had left your side to sit with Hannie and he had taken over. His subtle touches and the way he looks at you – it helps you feel so grounded and you're more than thankful for that.

Music starts playing, indicating the beginning of the ceremony as you see Wonwoo, gracefully walking down the aisle with a faint blush and a soft smile set on his gorgeous face. Your heart falters at the sight and it refuses to function further when he looks at you, sending you one of his reserved smiles. You reciprocate the same, hands slowly being taken into Jisoo’s. You're amazed at how helpful his touches have been, it's shocking.

Gazing at Wonu, everything fades out for you except for the love you have for him.

And in no time, Jiyeon’s walked in, vowing to love your best friend until the last of her breath and with everything she’s got. You can feel your heart clenching, and Joshua senses the same too, as your clammy hands squeeze his unconsciously.

The thing was, Shua didn't need words from you to understand either. He looks at you, his pretty eyes checking for any discomfort and when you smile back at him, he decides not to bother you further.

There's a sudden cheering of the crowd, making you turn your head towards the couple as you see them kissing.

Vows were said, promises were made and bonds were created.

It was too late for you to do anything. You feel the emotions rushing out of you as you excuse yourself to get away from there.

I need some air you say, to all your worried friends. So busy running away from the love of your life, you don't notice Joshua following you.

As soon as you get out, clutching your chest you slump down onto the sofa at the lobby as tears paint your face. The pain is so much that you find yourself trying hard to breathe while the emotions keep nagging at you and drowning you in the depth of the love you have for Wonwoo.

While trying to calm yourself down, you feel a hand on your shoulder, the radiating warmth grounding you for the Nth time this night. You look up thinking it's Jihoon, but it's not.

Hong Jisoo stands there, tears in his eyes but also looking so fondly at you.

As if you're a porcelain tea cup who’d break if looked at any harder.

You feel pathetic, but Joshua pulls you into a hug, letting you wet his shoulders to your heart’s content. Hearts suddenly seem to weigh a ton, the energy draining all while you try your best to catch the breath you never had in the first place.

He's gone. The love of your life is no longer yours.

Jeon Wonwoo, your best friend but also the person who mattered so much, like how the sun was to the moon.

For the coldness in him, he had found his summer. But left you to be nothing, than a petal of the harsh Winter, waiting to writhe away in utter grief.

_________________________________________

A/N: There's now an epilogue to this series, you can find it here!

[bybdolan]

how do you mean taylors not like other pop stars? i love reading your pov of things bc it usually matches up with what i think lol

Ok long answer incoming, but before I begin: Let’s all keep in mind that “pop star” is a pretty wide and varied category and that not all pop stars are the same (because then they wouldn’t be famous). I love all pop girls equally etc and I will simplify some things here for the sake of my argument.

I think the biggest thing that sets Taylor apart from other stars that emerged around the late 90s to mid 00s is that she is actually decently self-made in that she was not signed to a major label and had to build a lot of things from scratch (with which her family’s background obviously helped, but still). Unlike other stars, Taylor was not manufactured by a team of adult men to fit their ideas of what teenage girls liked or should like (see: Britney, the Disney girls), it was Taylor herself who called most of the shots, which brings us to what is most likely her most unique quality among her peers: she was marketed to be LIKE YOU, not like someone YOU WANT TO BE. Relatability has always been her calling card because she was a teenage girl making content for teenage girls. And this translates into virtually every aspect of her early career: she was earnestly weird and out there and awkward in interviews and performances, she wrote about things teenagers could relate to in a way that felt authentic, she dressed in a way that reflected teenage girl sensibilities more than it did fashion trends at the time*. (* the fact that Taylor for better or for worse had a very clean and non-sexual image for a long time can likely also be attributed to the fact that she was not being pushed around by grown men who had their own peers in mind when crafting her career) Obviously Taylor, like all celebs, has a fairly carefully curated public persona, but it is a persona that still feels true to who she is and does not cater to an imaginary audience (= the “teenage girl” fantasy of marketing execs) but instead is rooted in her understanding of her own peer group – which likely is one of the reasons why she has always been so affected by public criticism: The veil between her public and private self appears to be rather blurry, so every public criticism is a direct hit. (Although maybe she has me fooled here idk I am not her friend.) I frequently bang on about how Taylor isn’t really “cool”, and what I mean by that is that she is pretty bad at concealing/is open about how much she craves validation by others and how hard she tries. (And how deeply she is affected by people not liking her – absolutely not the “too cool for you” route we see with other stars sometimes.) She also doesn’t indulge in many typical celebrity affairs – e.g. she is absolutely not a high fashion girl and is pretty unaffiliated with that world (notice how she only roamed those circles during a time where she wanted to be the perfect pop star).

I think Taylor really kicked off a new generation of artists who are valued for their vulnerability and authenticity instead of being people you look up to because you envy their life. Nevertheless, I think this marketing also kicked her public perception's ass in the 1989 era where she suddenly transitioned to trying to be and aspirational kind of artist while at the same time presenting herself as “just like you” and it just. Didn’t work. I think the approach she has had for the past couple of years – “I struggle with similar things you struggle with but our circumstances are radically different and I am not your friend but a very smart and savvy musician” – works better, and her cutting out a bunch of fan interactions definitely helped with that. (For us n for her.)

Also because I was gonna type it in the tags but I liked it so much I wanted it in the actual post: In the early days of her career, Taylor represented all the awkward, weird, earnest traits of teenaged girls that grown men deemed undesirable and thus eliminated from their version of what a star for teenage girls should be.