#The bond they have had the whole time is the same

[darkmatilda]

𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟𝐟 | 𝐬. 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: spencer takes care of you after a serious accident.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬/𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐰: hospital, rehabilitation, neck and brain injury, nud1ty

𝐚/𝐧: this is one of the potential endings of my fanfiction "with the light off" which officialy remains open up to your own interpretation. this version written to comfort all the hearts i've broken <3

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 11k

Spencer felt embarrassed by how, just an hour after leaving the apartment, he already wanted to call her.

She had already occupied a near-constant presence in the back of his mind, slipping in like a shadow—elusive and playful—darting between his thoughts, flitting from one corner to another whenever he tried, even briefly, to forget about her. But now? After that night they had spent together?

Spencer knew a lot about obsession. He understood the weight of the word and was acutely aware of its gravity. Yet he couldn’t deny it—he was obsessed with her. Physical contact had always been a sensitive yet profoundly significant subject for him. He didn’t allow many people that close. 

For him, touch was the ultimate proof of closeness and trust. Intimacy bred attachment. This wasn’t about desire in its rawest form—it was something else… though he wasn’t entirely sure what. He couldn’t define the bond they shared.

He felt bored, detached from the world when she wasn’t in it, and the only thing keeping him tethered to some semblance of normality was the thought—the imagining—that at this very moment, they were breathing the same air.

He was starting to think he might be losing his mind.

He held off on calling her precisely to avoid coming across as a lunatic in her eyes. He managed to restrain himself only once he was at work, where the seriousness of his profession demanded it. In a way, though, he felt lighter. Throughout the day, he was buoyed by the thought of their upcoming meeting, the excitement it brought—and the nerves. That mixture of emotions was enough to make the entire team glance at him with curiosity.

Garcia was handing out case files, her hair recently dyed a vibrant shade of red. Rossi, instead of opening his folder like everyone else, was watching Spencer from across the table, leaning on his elbow.

“Did you win the lottery or something?” he asked, so unexpectedly that Spencer glanced around at the others, unsure who the question was meant for.

When he realized the question was directed at him, he swallowed hard. Morgan’s raised eyebrow seemed to challenge him to a duel.

“Not that I know of. Why?”

“Because you’re practically glowing, sweetheart,” Penelope chimed in with a sly smile. “Don’t think you’re getting away without telling me everything later. I’ll get it out of you, don’t you worry. But for now, let’s get started…”

They immersed themselves in the case, but a few hours later, during a brief moment of downtime, he realized he was looking for an excuse to call her. Was a simple desire to ask what she was up to reason enough?

He wondered if she was still at his apartment. He hoped she was. He knew she’d eventually have to leave to prepare for the shift she was starting later that afternoon, but he couldn’t shake the unease gnawing at him about the whole situation with her roommate’s ex-boyfriend.

Realizing he’d been staring at his phone for far too long and that he’d soon need to get back to work, he made a snap decision and called.

But no one answered.

Logically, he reasoned that mornings were probably her time to sleep. Afterward, he tried sending a text message. But by late evening, when he finally returned to his apartment, he was starting to feel genuinely worried.

The question nagged at him: could it have been about the previous night? Maybe he’d done or said something wrong, something that had put her off completely?

Slowly, he walked into the bedroom, pausing in the doorway as his eyes landed on the perfectly made bed. It definitely hadn’t looked like that when he left it.

Then his gaze fell on the slightly ajar safe, and he froze. The combination was incredibly complicated, so he must have left it open when he took out his gun and badge. Besides those items, there was one more thing inside.

He had once again fallen into the trap of keeping Dilaudid close, even though he wasn’t using it. Was it possible she found it, and that’s why she hadn’t reached out?

It wasn’t that he had lied to her about being clean. She had seen how much effort it took for him to talk about it, so she approached the subject with incredible subtlety, never asking directly, but watching him closely, carefully, yet without pressing.

If she had really found it in his safe, she might have felt betrayed. Or maybe she decided she didn’t want to get involved with someone who had such a problem. Perhaps she had seen the whole previous night as one big mistake and then decided to throw him out of her life. Spencer, though it pained him, couldn’t help but feel that he deserved it.

He sat on the bed, crushed by his own thoughts. Something didn’t sit right with the version of events he had imagined. First and foremost, she wasn’t the type of person who would turn him away because of this. Her heart ached to help others; she couldn’t ignore someone else’s troubles. Even if he had hurt her, her immense capacity for understanding would have remained intact. Empathy was imprinted on her, like a deep, unshakable mark.

Driven by a hunch, he reached for his phone to call her again. That’s when he noticed two missed calls from an unknown number, just fifteen minutes ago.

He pressed the phone to his ear, his brow furrowing in confusion as he heard the first sound on the other end… a sob?

The sound went on and on, and Spencer was too confused to utter a single word.

“Who am I talking to?” he finally asked. Unable to stop himself, he stood up. He didn’t even know what was going on or who he was talking to, but he sprang to his feet anyway. His body compelled him, his insides twisting with unpleasant spasms.

It could just as well have been some stupid prank. The problem was, it wasn’t.

“H-hey, it’s J-Jude,” a voice came from the other end. Female, shaky, and choked with sobs so severe that if he didn’t already know her name, he would never have guessed he was speaking to her roommate. He stopped pacing the room. “I-it was me…I called earlier. S-she doesn’t have any…any family, and I didn’t know…I didn’t know who to inform…I can’t handle this on my own…they just took her away again…”

It wasn’t as if the world suddenly came to a halt. It simply became both sharper and blurrier at the same time. Spencer could see that single, bright strand of hair on the pillow with perfect clarity, yet his own legs seemed out of reach. When he looked down, all he saw was darkness stretching below him. Somehow, he was still breathing.

“What are you talking about?” he asked. Later, he couldn’t explain how his voice—those first words—had sounded so composed. “W-who took her… where… and why…?

“I have no fucking idea!” she shouted, followed by a long silence during which Jude took a desperate gasp of air. “I mean, I do, I do know! They just brought her in, but... but suddenly they took her back because there was some kind of…bleeding…”

“...ding?” he blurted out, the first syllable swallowed entirely by his panic.

“No, I don’t want anything to calm me down, I am calm, can’t you tell?” Her voice grew distant, as if she’d pulled the phone away from her mouth. Then it came back, clear and pleading. “Please, come here…”

She hung up. The phone slipped from his hand as if it burned him. In a frenzy, he bent down to grab it, only to drop it again. Finally, he fell to his knees, managing at last to pick it up. As he stood, he felt as though some substance was spreading through his brain—black, toxic, and utterly destructive. Its effects left him barely tethered to reality. He could hear and see, but everything was overlaid with Jude’s words, looping in his mind like printed text on a screen.

The next thirty minutes were a blur.

How could it be logically explained that, in a state of complete detachment from the outside world, he somehow managed to figure out, based on the map of the area imprinted in his memory, which specific hospital she was in? How did his panicked, trembling hands manage to cover that distance by car without causing an accident?

The only thing he knew was that he ended up at the nearest hospital, wearing just a shirt with no outer layer. It was shocking that he even had shoes on. 

He should have been looking for the woman who had called him, demanding every bit of information she had. But somehow, instinctively, his eyes searched for someone else—a familiar face. He prayed it was all some sort of misunderstanding. Maybe he was fooling himself, hoping to spot her among the people passing by. A part of him simply refused to accept the possibility that anything could have happened to her.

Nothing had happened.

She was fine.

Her blue eyes were soaking in the surroundings, their gaze carrying that faint sparkle that always appeared at night. Maybe there was even a smile on her lips. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—allow himself to imagine what might have happened to her. It felt as though the universe itself should be ashamed for ever entertaining the thought of harming her.

"Are you family?" the man at reception asked. Spencer nodded. "I'm sorry, but I can't provide you with any information,"

"Just tell me, is she alive?"

"I can't…"

"Just fucking tell me…"

"They’re operating on her right now," a voice spoke from behind him. Spencer turned and blinked. Only then did he realize he was in a hospital. Before, he’d only had a goal—an urgent need to get there. The surroundings were just beginning to take shape in his mind. He had never seen this woman before, but he guessed it had to be Jude. Her face was swollen from crying, but she seemed less shaken than during their call. She had probably accepted the sedatives. "Again. First, they spent almost four hours working on her neck… they said she was stable, asleep, but then suddenly there was that bleeding… I watched them take her out of the room right in front of me…"

“Did you see her?”

Unexpectedly, she hid her face in her hands.

“I didn’t know who to call. She mentioned you a few times, and I had your number, and I didn’t know what to do…” she began explaining chaotically, as if it mattered at all. “It’s my fault, you know, all of this is my fucking fault…”

They were standing right in front of the receptionist, blocking his access to others who needed help. Spencer snapped back to the moment, pulling her a few steps aside.

“W-what did you say? That they operated on her for four hours?”

“Yes, the first time…”

So, she had been there for at least four hours. Longer, considering the time needed after surgery before visiting a patient. Pain spread across his chest. While he was wondering why she hadn’t answered his calls, coming to various conclusions, she had been fighting for her life?

He... had been at work, moving around, talking to others, living, while all of this was happening? He felt as if... as if he had betrayed her. It was absurd, even he knew that. Despite the state he was in—tragic, to be precise—he understood just how absurd that thought was. But he couldn’t stop the guilt and shame that washed over him every time he tried to imagine her on the operating table while he had been completely unaware of her condition.

“I need to sit down," Jude muttered, and after a moment, they found themselves on narrow chairs lined along the hospital walls. Spencer barely managed to force his knees to bend, his body to settle into the seat.

He was only beginning to adjust to the foreign gravity that was pressing down on him.

In his head, there was only one thought, one resolution, one desire. The only thing that could save him from losing his mind in this waiting room.

"I need to see her."

"We have to wait," Jude replied, pressing her hand to her forehead. More tears appeared in her eyes. She wasn’t just terrified, she was completely falling apart. "We... we once gave each other permission to access information about our health. You know, in case of an accident. The doctors told me everything. A neck sprain. A concussion. Two broken ribs and a broken forearm." Although her speech had been unclear earlier, when she listed the injuries, she sounded like a movie announcer.

Spencer quickly realized that these words must have been echoing in her head since they were first told to her. The same thing had been happening to him. Each word was like a blow delivered with full force, and his extensive medical knowledge wasn’t helping him avoid panic. He was too aware of the danger and too aware of the suffering her poor body must have endured.

They both squeezed their eyes shut tightly. Spencer felt as though his temples might explode. Waiting. Was there anything worse in the world than waiting? Being stuck in ignorance, teetering between uncertainty, relief, and utter despair? Feeling all of it at once?

"How did this even happen?" he asked the woman sitting next to him.

He was sure he already knew the answer to that question. She didn’t even need to say it. It was enough to see how she dropped her gaze, heavy with pain, and how tightly her jaw clenched.

“She... fell down the stairs.”

Spencer wanted to scoff at the understatement. The real version of events couldn’t pass Jude’s lips, but in some way, he considered that a blessing. If Jude had openly admitted that she had been pushed, he might have crumbled under the weight of the fury flooding him. But for now, his anger didn’t matter. Only the passing time did.

He felt as if he hadn’t taken a single breath since leaving his apartment. Leaning his head back in his seat, he endured what felt like two whole days, then glanced at his watch only to realize that exactly forty-seven seconds had passed.

Time—a relative concept. In physics and in human perception. Einstein had proven it, and so had that particular moment.

He started to fear that he might never leave the waiting room. Memories and emotions began to blur together. He formed a theory: that he had been trapped there for quite some time—weeks, perhaps. Back when another loved one had been on the operating table, and he’d been losing his mind in much the same way.

Could it be that, under the strain of this torturous waiting, he’d lost his sanity? That his brain, desperate for relief, had simply imagined everything that followed? The trip to the library that night, finding himself at her door, the string lights on the Christmas tree, the Venus flytrap, the bar, opening the door that night and seeing her on the stairwell—at once flushed from a night spent at the club and chilled from the December air?

And now that illusion had simply shattered, like a fragment of broken glass. He was back in the waiting room again, waiting, hurting too much—and yet feeling as though he had no right to. His pain was nothing compared to what she was going through. He should be doing something, anything, to make himself useful, to not succumb to the weight of his own helplessness.

When the doctor finally approached them, Spencer almost knocked over his chair in his haste to stand. The doctor, however, focused solely on Jude as he delivered the update, leaving Spencer questioning whether he even existed.

“We managed to stop the bleeding. That’s the good news,” he began, his dark eyes unreadable—at once cool and concerned, with the practiced composure characteristic of people in his profession.

“Thank God,” Jude whispered, rubbing her chest as if trying to calm the frantic beating of her heart.

Spencer, on the other hand, felt no relief. Not even a sliver.

"‘That’s good news,’" he repeated the doctor’s words, drawing the man’s gaze to him. ‘But… but is there something bad?’

That brief moment before the doctor answered felt longer than nearly the past two hours of waiting.

“Due to suspected brain swelling, we had to induce a coma.’

“What?’ Jude mouthed silently. “How… how could she be in a coma? Why? Was that necessary?’

“They needed to reduce the intracranial pressure,’ Spencer replied, the words spilling from his mouth without him even realizing he was speaking. ‘The coma prevents further damage and minimizes the brain’s oxygen consumption. But will she… how long will she…?’

“Only for a few days,’ the doctor assured him, understanding the question he couldn’t quite form. “As long as there are no further complications or additional bleeding. But I can reassure you for now: there’s no indication of that. Her condition seems stable. She was… incredibly lucky. It was a serious accident—a miracle, a sheer miracle—that she didn’t break her spine.’"

For a moment, he couldn’t utter a single word, his throat still tight, and the relief never came. He knew he wouldn’t feel it until he saw her, fully conscious and awake. Until that happened, he would grimace every time he heard the word miracle. 

"When will I be able to see her?" he asked, surprisingly calm and composed. The question was so important to him that his voice didn’t tremble even once. In fact, it was the only thing that mattered right now.

"You’ll need to wait a few hours before visiting. We have to make sure there’s no risk of a sudden deterioration in her condition. Also, only authorized individuals can visit her."

The last part of the doctor’s statement felt almost like a slap in the face.

"How many hours?" he pressed, impatience creeping into his voice. "Two? Four? Six?"

"Please, calm down," the doctor asked, making a gesture with his hand.

“Eight?”

His voice grew increasingly sharp, desperately demanding an answer. The doctor opened his mouth to respond, but Jude interrupted with a question.

"As an authorized person, can I, on behalf of the patient, allow him to visit?" she asked, catching Spencer’s gaze for a brief moment before quickly turning away. "She would want this, I know it."

The doctor shook his head in refusal, providing them with a few more details about the surgery before turning to leave. Spencer watched him leave, something in him wavering between a sigh and a snort. So they wouldn’t even let him visit her? He understood the hospital procedures and rules perfectly well, but when it came to his own case, he hated them with all his heart. They wouldn’t allow him to see someone who meant so much to him, simply because they weren’t bound by blood or a ring on his finger. A ring on his finger… maybe he should lie and say they were engaged?  Although, would it really make any difference in the eyes of the hospital staff?

Before the loose fragments in his mind began to form a plan, he noticed that Jude was staring at him. She had sat down again, pressing her back tightly against the chair's backrest. She hadn’t cried for a while now; a certain relief had settled on her face when she heard the surgery had been successful, but then the old devastation returned, stronger than ever before.

"I won’t be able to visit her," she said, her voice hollow. "Not even while she’s unconscious. And when she wakes up, look her in the eyes. Tell me, how could I do that after everything? After all of this was my fault?"

Spencer turned away and walked off.

He knew that if he didn’t, something inside him would break. He couldn’t stop the anger he felt toward Jude. From what he knew, she had repeatedly refused to report her ex-boyfriend to the police, perhaps more or less aware of the danger he posed. She had the right to do so, theoretically. But that didn’t change the fact that someone else had suffered because of her foolish decision.

In his eyes she deserved the guilt she felt.

Not knowing what to do with himself, he found a place far from her, far from anyone, where he spent the next few hours, hardly moving. Sometimes he observed the relatives of other patients in the hospital, also broken, but he had some selfish feeling that even they wouldn’t understand what he felt. He placed himself on some distant, elite orbit of suffering and felt almost embarrassed by it. 

Pain always makes sure that a person feels as lonely and misunderstood as possible in it. That is when it has the most power over them.

He kept away from the windows, the darkness outside, slowly losing its intensity, putting him into a state of shock and contemplation. Maybe time was a relative concept, but that didn’t change the fact that it existed. Somewhere far away, there was light beyond this waiting room.

For some time now, he had been occupied with a certain task. He was aware of the hours passing and how, with them, his desperation grew. He felt he would go mad if he didn’t see her. The designated time during which the patient should be ensured complete rest after surgery had ended, yet he knew they wouldn’t let him in to see her. But he had a brain for a reason, right?"

He found the room where everything that mattered to him at that moment was. A young doctor was just leaving.

"Excuse me, ma'am,” he approached her politely, trying to appear calm, though his appearance and trembling hands clearly suggested otherwise. “I need to visit this patient.”

“Are you a relative?”

“No, actually…” He knew this was a desperate move and resorting to a lie, but he didn’t care. What was morality in his situation? Just a word. He reached for the badge he had with him and cleared his throat. “I’m with the FBI. I’ve been assigned to see this particular patient; it’s a matter that cannot be delayed."

Believe it or not, but people often lost their minds at the mere mention of the FBI. Spencer suspected that such a young doctor might have some gaps in experience and not know what procedures were in place in such a situation.

The surprised woman took a half step back.

“But she’s in a coma…” she said uncertainly, turning toward the room. “Are you sure it’s this patient?”

“Absolutely. And as I said, there’s no time to waste.”

He didn’t put his badge away, still holding it raised, with a serious expression on his face, as if he were interrogating someone. It was clear she was torn with doubt, but fortunately for him, she decided to give in without consulting the decision.

Spencer almost ran into the room, unable to hold back his impatience any longer. At first, he felt as if in a dream, one where you achieve your greatest goal. However, it quickly turned into a nightmare, all because of what he saw.

Whatever he had imagined, he was not prepared for this sight. 

Especially because before he even noticed her face, the face he was so desperate to see, he first noticed everything else surrounding it. The hospital equipment, the machines and devices monitoring her vital signs. The wide orthopedic collar tight around her neck. The sterile whiteness of it all, obscuring her and making her almost disappear against its backdrop. It wasn’t until he approached the bed, his legs weak and unsteady, that he started to look at her, but again, not specifically at her, but at the injuries. The sight of swollen temples, the sunken eyes, pale and dry lips, skin like a sheet of paper. Every injury on her body caused him unimaginable pain, so intense it almost stopped him from breathing. He felt so much anger and injustice that she had to go through this that he almost wanted to fall to his knees and apologize to her, beg for forgiveness. For what? He couldn’t decide. It wasn’t a need driven by logic, it was something deep inside him.

And that’s what he did, even though there was a place beside the bed where he could sit. He slowly knelt down, his hands touching the edge of the bed, but not her body. After all, he wasn’t about to risk causing her any pain due to his lack of control. But he had such an overwhelming desire to take her hand, the one whose fingers shyly peeked out from under the cast.

"I should have gone with you," he said, after about five minutes spent in complete silence, undisturbed even by his breath, which he was holding back. "I should have. Walked you to the door and made sure you got inside safely. I’m sorry…"

He felt that with his pitiful apologies, he was disturbing her peace. She needed it to fully rest. So, he fell silent again, alternating between looking at her with furrowed brows in tender concern and resting his forehead against the edge of the bed whenever the sight became too painful. While before, time seemed to crawl at the slowest possible pace, now it was racing forward wildly.

In his perception, barely a minute had passed when someone’s presence appeared behind him. He turned over his shoulder, noticing the young nurse who had let him in, and it took him a long time before he even realized it. After all, he had lied to her, saying it was some professional matter, yet she had found him kneeling by the hospital bed.

He quickly got to his feet, nervously rubbing his face.

“For the patient’s well-being, no visits should last longer than twenty minutes,” the woman said surprisingly gently, leaning slightly against the door with her shoulder. An unidentified expression lingered in her eyes, making them seem...warm.

He didn’t answer, just nodded. He no longer felt the need to play that little charade that had helped him get inside. He allowed himself one last long moment, looking at her face, peaceful in sleep. He passed the doctor in the doorway, feeling her eyes turn to him, and he did the same, out of curiosity. She smiled, sadly and with compassion.

"This had nothing to do with any FBI assignment, right?”

Her understanding seemed almost touching. However, Spencer, caught in the moment, quickly withdrew, once again making his way down the hospital corridors, now completely unsure of what to do with himself. He leaned against one of the walls, slowly feeling the fatigue from the entire night spent waiting to see her. He found his phone in his pocket, realized it was already morning, and that… Hotch had called him.

It was a quick collision with the outside world. He called back, as nothing else came to mind that he could focus on.

"Reid," the serious voice of his boss came through on the other end. "Why aren’t you at work, and why aren’t you answering?"

He needed to take a breath before he could respond.

"Sorry, Hotch," he said, trying not to sound weak, but that’s exactly how he sounded. Weak, a little pitiful, and on the verge of exhaustion. "Something... something really important happened, and... I... I won’t be able to come in today..."

Spencer realized he had no idea how to explain himself in this situation.

"I can’t remember the last day you were even late. What happened?" He didn’t answer. "Where are you?" Silence. "Spencer."

"It’s... a personal matter."

There was a brief silence from his boss, and Spencer could almost imagine how he furrowed his dark brows in confusion.

"I understand." His voice was tense, but not with disapproval, which surprised Spencer. More with... concern. Had he managed to read the seriousness of the situation just from his voice? Probably, after all, he was the best profiler Spencer knew. "You’ll need to explain later, but for now... take care of yourself. Do you need any help?”

He assured him insincerely that everything was fine and found an empty chair to sit in, hunched over. A strong pressure formed in his head, amplified by the helplessness and uncertainty about what he should do next. She was in a coma, and according to the doctor, she would be in it for the next few days. And what was he supposed to do during that time? He felt that physically, he could spend another hundred hours on that specific chair. Occasionally stretching his legs. It was his plan, one that seemed more real with every passing minute. At least, until a figure cast its shadow over him.

"Reid," a familiar voice spoke.

He looked up, surprised, at Morgan. His mouth was slightly open in confusion, his forehead deeply furrowed.

"What are you doing here?"

"How... how did you know where I was?" That was the first thing that came to his mind.

"Penelope. How she knew, I have no idea, but I’m starting to suspect that her joke about having us all chipped wasn’t really a joke. But anyway, what’s going on? Hotch told me you called, and you sounded... unsettling."

His friend was watching him closely. His wrinkled clothes, his tired face.

"So... Hotch sent you to find me?"

"Reid, you’re our friend. Did you really think we wouldn’t be worried about you?"

Spencer lowered his head, listening to his words. Derek was silent for a moment, his hands resting on his hips, his tense face scanning the surroundings. After a while, he focused his gaze back on him.

"Who is the person you’re visiting?"

He hesitated before answering, not because he didn’t want to share the information, but because he wasn’t sure how to refer to her. What should he call her? After all, it wasn’t like they were in an official relationship, and the word friend seemed to leave something unsaid.

“Someone... someone very important to me. She had an accident. She has... a cervical spine injury, and the doctors, suspecting brain swelling, decided to put her into a coma for a while.”

Morgan's eyes widened.

“Damn, Reid. I’m so... I’m so sorry.”

He sat down on the empty chair beside him, his face still showing shock. Exhausted, Spencer simply rested his head on his knees, no longer able to keep his posture straight. He felt drained, yet at the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to leave—couldn’t leave her…

Morgan’s hand fell onto his back, and finally, then sighed.

“Come here, man.”

With a firm pull, he drew him into an embrace.

Spencer found it hard to admit, even to himself, how much he needed this. No words left their mouths for a long while; only that brotherly, supportive embrace remained between them.

“Have you seen her?” Morgan asked after a while.

He confirmed, but didn’t reveal the circumstances. His friend paused for a moment, as if he wanted to say something but hesitated.

“Okay, listen to me. You need to get back to yourself.”

Spencer scoffed and shook his head, ready to argue.

“Let me finish. I know you don’t want to leave her right now, but with all due respect, you look like death. You need to eat and get some sleep.”

“I can’t,” Spencer replied firmly.

“You’re going to collapse soon. You said she’ll be in a coma for a few days. You won’t make it sitting here, think realistically. No one’s asking you to go back to work, you just need to rest.” He looked at him seriously, knowing how hard it would be to convince him. Finally, he sighed once more. “Do it for her, alright? Do you really think she’d want you to wear yourself out like this?”

He had no ready answer for that. Well, he did, but it sounded like no, she wouldn’t want that.

“I’ll take you home. For God’s sake, you came here without even a coat?”

It's a strange feeling to let someone take care of you. Completely. Derek not only drove him to his apartment but also came inside with him. There was no emotional discussion between them, which he found to be a relief. Silent support, he thought.

His relationship with the other team members had been tested after Emily's death—or at least, that's what he had thought up until now. He had begun isolating himself, not wanting to intrude on their grief or burden them with his own problems. But in reality—something he hadn’t seen until now—it had been the opposite. It strengthened their bond.

The next few days revolved mainly around hospital visits. Somehow, he had managed to gain visiting rights, and the time spent by her side filled him with a certain sense of calm. He could see how stable her vital signs were, and he clung to the doctors’ reassurances that she would regain consciousness in just a few days.

He once read a series of articles and interviews with people who had been in comas. Their accounts sometimes contradicted medical facts and often included embellishments, but a significant number of them mentioned remembering the voices of loved ones and certain sounds.

He didn’t want her to remember only the sounds of medical equipment from this period. But he also wasn’t sure what he could talk to her about. Would she want to hear about the overly salted carbonara that Garcia had forced an entire pot of on him? Or about the abstract mural being painted across from his apartment—something he was sure she would have liked?

In the end, he decided to read to her, though choosing what to read proved challenging. Sleeping Beauty seemed too ironic, even though she would probably laugh about it later. She had once told him Girl, Interrupted was her favorite book, but its hospital setting made him suspect she might prefer something that let her escape this place, even if only in her imagination. The Silence of the Lambs referenced one of their past conversations, but if a doctor overheard him reading it to her, he would surely be banned from visiting altogether.

“All right,” he began one day, sitting down in the chair by her bed. “I know you’re not a big fan of fantasy. And yes, you’ll have every right to call me out on this when you wake up. But still, I hope you’ll like it.”

Arabian Nights was a collection of tales and stories originating from the Middle East, India, and Persia. Somehow, he assumed that the mysterious, often nocturnal atmosphere might resonate with her, even soothe her. After all, night had always been her favorite time of day—the backdrop to so much of her life.

That day, as he was about to leave, he leaned slightly over her bed, lowering his voice to a whisper.

"Tomorrow, I'll read you a romance, how does that sound? But I’ll have to go to the bookstore because, despite your beliefs, I don’t have any in my collection. I wish I’d had more time to get to know your reading preferences better."

During none of his previous visits had he touched her, afraid it might disturb her peace in some negative way. Besides... in the state she was in, she looked so fragile and delicate that he feared even the slightest touch could hurt her. But that time, he simply couldn’t hold back. After a long internal struggle, he placed a very brief kiss on her forehead.

Spencer couldn’t keep his promise. While he did buy a romance novel recommended to him with enthusiasm by a young bookstore clerk, he never had the chance to read it to her.

The next day, he received a message. 

She had woken up. 

*

You didn’t remember much.

Only fragmented scraps. The memories began with a brief moment of complete physical helplessness, a terrible pain in your neck, and a series of flashing lights mingling with raised voices—even shouting. Then came silence, vile and terrifying.

But that wasn’t the end. Something came after the silence.

Softly spoken stories. For some reason, they were comforting. In your mind, only a few blurred images remained—no clear events or words. What you remembered most was that soothing, calm voice. It felt like an embrace, like warm bedding, the first rays of cosmic light piercing through clouds, or the gentle chill of evening air.

It was… beautiful. But it couldn’t last forever. After an indeterminate amount of time, your body decided to reject that comfort and tried to open its eyes. It was an excruciating effort. You sighed with the strain. The first colors and surreal shapes began to appear before you. Slowly, you started to become aware of your existence, yet at the same time, you felt suspended somewhere outside your body and mind—alone and terrified.

The sensations were both faint and overwhelmingly intense, making you want to hide, to somehow cut yourself off from them. Yet you were equally afraid to close your eyes again. You muttered things that made no sense. You remained in this panicked state until two tiny brown points hovered above you, widening with concern. Only then were you able to calm down—at least enough to stop straining your body with attempts to move. Attempts, because your body seemed entirely unwilling to follow your commands.

The fear buried itself deep within you, drilling into your chest. At first, it suffocated you, but eventually, it began to weaken and fade.

This was how the first hours after waking from the coma unfolded.

Weakness, disorientation, mumbling, pain, discomfort, and light sensitivity.

It took a long time before you regained awareness of being in a hospital. Even more time passed before you remembered why. And then, your own condition and state.

You were so incredibly weak that it filled you with disgust, terrified by how much effort even the smallest movement required—like the twitch of a finger or the blink of an eye. Frustrated by it all, you cried, and he cried too. But his tears were born of relief and joy.

Those two specific emotions reached you the latest—only after they transferred you to a different ward, and your thoughts began to clear. Relief and joy. Hand in hand with fear and anxiety. 

It felt so unreal, yet it was real—real like nothing else, and it held you tightly, exactly the way you needed it to.

*

Spencer was aware that her awakening was just another step in a very long journey.

His medical knowledge, modestly speaking, was fairly extensive, and he understood the gravity of the injuries she had sustained. Their first meeting after she had opened her eyes for the first time was nothing like a scene from a movie. She was confused, still drowsy, and as she slowly started to comprehend everything, she was primarily terrified. Her body, after the time spent in the coma, though brief, was extremely weak, and every little movement exhausted her as though she had just run a marathon.

The fear on her face pierced his chest.

He had the impression that none of the words he spoke, almost whispered in an attempt to calm her, were having any effect.

"I... I can't move," she stammered as one of the first things she said. Her eyes intensely focused on his face, searching for safety in it, and he feared he wouldn't be able to provide it for her.

"It's just temporary," he reassured her gently, leaning over her bed and trying to smile, but it came out uncertain, he was too worried about her condition. "The doctors say so, and that's the truth. Your body is just very weak right now."

"Will... will it be like this forever?"

"No, no, it will pass. I promise, it will pass," he nodded fervently. She hesitated and took a breath, as though discovering an entirely new action. But as soon as she did, out of fear, it became fast and irregular. He was terrified that his touch might cause her pain, but he didn't know what else he could do to help her. Gently, as gently as he could, he placed his hand on her cheek, barely grazing it with his thumb. "You'll feel better soon. Really, it won’t be long now. For now... just don’t overexert yourself, please, breathe."

At first, she flinched. He wanted to withdraw his hand as quickly as possible, but then he felt her press her face against it, almost nuzzling into it. A shy tear danced in one of her eyes, barely noticeable.

"It’s good to see you," she said after a brief silence, a soft sigh escaping her lips—almost like a laugh, though it didn’t quite make it. Her breath was still shallow and uneven, but with each passing moment, it seemed to steady as he held her close.

And in that moment, seeing her like that, feeling her presence so close, a smile spread across his face—a smile so genuine, so long-awaited—and with it came the tears he’d been holding back for what felt like forever.

"I feel the same," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "You have no idea how much."

*

The orthopedic collar pissed you off like nothing else.

It wasn’t even the discomfort that bothered you, it was just... the collar was such a painful reminder of your condition, a testament to what you had been through. And you were supposed to wear it for another six to eight weeks.

Two weeks after waking from the coma, preparations for leaving the hospital were beginning. The risk of brain swelling had subsided, the injuries were healing, and the concussion still made its presence known, but the pain was no longer as intense. You could even have a normal conversation, which you seized almost immediately, striking up a chat with the teenage girl in the bed next to you, her sad expression tugging at your heart.

Few people visited you; you preferred that the two most important ones could spend as much time with you as possible, rather than inviting coworkers or acquaintances you hadn’t spoken to in months. The two most important people.

Spencer had been with you since the moment you woke up, and as the doctor confessed to you with a small smile, he had also stayed by your side while you were in a coma. You were in shock. Not because he had done it—it made perfect sense, given his caring nature. The shock came from the simple fact that one person could care so deeply about another, about you.

It didn’t take long for you to realize that the moments when he visited you became your favorite part of the entire day. And not just because they revolved around checking your condition, tests, and the first, incredibly light rehabilitation exercises. You simply found yourself waiting for the moment he would appear in that doorway again, holding his coat in hand, smiling.

"Hello, handsome stranger," you greeted him one day, the first day you were starting to feel better.

 Spencer stopped at the sound of that term, tilting his head with an even wider smile.

 "How else did I used to call you?" you mused aloud. "Ah, I used to call you Mr. Mysterious. But I suppose that's no longer fitting, you smile too much to seem mysterious."

 "Because I have a reason," he replied, stopping beside your bed and glancing at the flowers placed there, the ones that had greeted you when you woke up that day. "But in that case, 'Handsome stranger' doesn’t fit either, since you know me now."

"But you are handsome. Half of it fits, so I have the right to call you that. Who... who sent me these flowers?"

"Better question would be, who didn’t send you those?" he muttered, referring to their large number. You could only admire them—the beautiful, colorful arrangements—but you hadn’t had the chance to read the notes and messages attached. Spencer glanced at one of them, his smile fading, though not in a bad way... somehow, the expression that appeared on his face was even more pleasing than his smile. "This... this one’s from my team."

You were simply speechless.

 "They... they even know I exist?"

 "Of course they do, how could they not?" Spencer paused for a moment, looking at you thoughtfully. "They... they were with me the whole time you were in a coma. They helped me keep my head together."

 "Don’t exaggerate," you tried to dispel the sudden serious mood. You didn’t want to delude yourself into thinking he had been that worried about you during that time. 

 "It’s not an exaggeration," he replied briefly and seriously, his face almost motionless.

For a moment, you fell silent, your hands resting on the blanket in front of you.

 "Sorry, Spencer. I just realized I’ve never thanked you for this..."

"What?" he asked, surprised, his brows furrowing. "This isn’t something you have to thank me for..."

"But I feel like I have to. This... this isn’t some small, silly favor. You really did so much for me... I still don’t fully understand why..."

 "You don’t understand why?"

"Yeah," you sighed uncertainly, not sure how to put it into words. "Don’t get me wrong... I’m so grateful to you, it’s just... look at it this way. We didn’t know each other that long, we saw each other rarely. We slept together once. It’s not like you were…obligated to help me."

"I didn’t have to be obligated to do it," he said after a moment of hesitation, circling your bed and sitting on the edge, just barely touching it. "And I didn’t have to know you for years. I just wanted to do it because of how much I cared about you. And if that explanation doesn’t convince you... then..." He swallowed hard. "Remember, you were there for me during one of the worst moments of my life."

“It’s not the same...”

 “Oh, but it is. For me, it is. But I don’t want you to think that I was there for you because I felt like I owed you something. Or that I had to... I don’t know... repay you in some way. That’s not it at all.”

You didn’t answer, something tight gripped your throat. You just tilted your head, overwhelmed with emotion, speechless. The only thing you truly wanted to do was stretch out your arms and drape them around his neck, resting your chin on his shoulder. Spencer sighed, surprised and tense. It wasn’t until a brief moment passed that his hands gently touched your back.

“How much longer are you going to act like I’m made of glass?” you asked.

You knew his caution was justified, but Jesus. You just really wanted to hug him properly.

“Probably forever,” he replied, to which you rolled your eyes.

He was the one to break the hug, but in compensation, he quickly kissed the top of your head. You leaned back against the bed, feeling a pleasant sensation in your stomach. Spencer returned to the flowers to tell you who had sent them all.

“So these are from my team,” he picked up the lost thread, pointing to the arrangement of white and pink carnations. He chuckled. “And I’m pretty sure Penelope picked them out, not just because her name is listed first. White represents perseverance and strength. Pink stands for admiration and respect.”

“That’s really thoughtful. And beautiful. I’ll have to thank them. And these tulips?”

Spencer took the note attached to the mentioned flowers between his fingers.

“From... Jerry.”

“What? My husband sent me flowers?”

 “What?” He jerked his head up in surprise.

You laughed so hard at the look on his face that it made you wince in your ribs.

 “I’m fucking kidding, you fool,” you replied, clutching your side with a groan. “Jerry is the librarian. You should know him. He once asked me what flowers he should buy for his wife, and I suggested yellow tulips. By the way, it's so nice of him”.

You said it affectionately, but it sounded incredibly weak. Along with the pain in your ribs, a headache joined in, and suddenly all the energy you'd had earlier evaporated.

“What's happening? Should I call a doctor?”

“No,” you shook your head in refusal. “I just need to lie down for a moment. Come here.”

Spencer followed your request and sat beside your bed, his body a little stiff, as if in guilt.

"I'm sorry I made you laugh."

"That's probably the strangest thing you could apologize for," you muttered, lying down in the position that was best for your neck, one you almost hated as much as the orthopedic collar. "Well, I guess I could come up with something stranger. Sorry I left that million dollars in your nightstand. It won't happen again."

"I'm not sure if this kind of chatter is particularly good for your condition."

"It helps me mentally, and that's what matters most. Besides, stop complaining."

"How could I possibly dare?"

He fell silent, simply watching you with quiet concern. You closed your eyes for a moment, unsure if you might accidentally drift off. After spending a week in a coma, your sleep routine had become completely erratic. You slept through the nights, mostly because there was little else to do, and you didn’t want to disturb the other patients in the ward. During the day, Spencer would visit, and you wanted to be as rested as possible when he was around.

When he wasn’t there, you sometimes napped during the day as well. According to the doctors, it was one of the best things you could do for your recovery—sleep and rest as much as your body needed.

"Is something bothering you?" he asked.

You hesitated for a long moment, because yes, something was weighing heavily on your mind. Had he guessed, or had he read it on your face?

“It’s just…” you began with a sigh. “You know Jude barely visits me? I mean, she shows up every day, but… she’s so tense and distant when she’s here. She doesn’t say much, and she won’t look me in the eyes.”

"She’s blaming herself," Spencer said softly.

“God, that’s so stupid,” you muttered.

You had a strange relationship with the accident. You thought about it as little as possible, keeping it at arm’s length. You knew Richard had been arrested, but you didn’t want to know the details of his sentencing. In no way did you see any of it as Jude’s fault, and it hurt you deeply to think that she did.

You spent a quiet moment together before Spencer leaned over you again, intending to kiss your forehead.

“I’m sorry, but I’ll have to go now,” he said, to which you nodded in understanding.

But then you shifted your head, pulling back just enough to stop him from brushing his lips against your forehead. He looked at you, puzzled, since you’d never minded it before.

This time, though, you wanted him to kiss you on the lips.

He kissed you slowly. You had almost forgotten how he tasted.

After that, you didn’t bother opening your eyes again. You let yourself imagine that he wasn’t leaving at all, and with that comforting thought, you drifted off to sleep.

*

Spencer had felt strange since the morning.

 Energized and excited. In the absolute best possible way.

That day, he could finally take her home. Well, to his apartment. She needed someone to take care of her, and he felt honored to be that person.

The day before, he had made a very important, yet difficult decision. He invited JJ over and confessed everything to her—about the past few weeks and his struggles with relapsing into addiction. He needed to rid himself of that burden. Besides, he had promised himself that as long as she was living with him, not even the smallest dose of Dilaudid would find its way inside. Never again.

In his worst moments, he imagined that his friend would react with disgust—pure, painful disgust—and push him away. Instead, her eyes filled with something strange the moment he began to speak about how he had felt after Emily's death. Over and over, she whispered apologies, as though she were the one responsible for it.

He still missed Emily, of course, and he knew he would always miss her. That was just the way of things—people left, and it was up to you to decide whether you would remember them with heartbreaking despair or with a wistful sigh. In fact, these were merely two ends of the same spectrum, and it was very easy to get stuck at the beginning, unable to move forward.

She was surprisingly quiet in the car and seemed depressed. Actually, it was hard not to blame her. She had spent a long time in the hospital, gotten used to that routine, and the change made her feel lost. Sitting in the passenger seat, she kept her gaze fixed ahead, but not on the road. She couldn’t see where they were headed, which made it difficult for Spencer to tell her something… at least important.

 When they stopped, she furrowed her brow in surprise.

 “Why are we here?”

They were parked under his apartment, and she had been under the impression they were heading to her place.

 “Sorry, I should’ve told you earlier, I really apologize,” Spencer blurted out in one breath, chaotically. “I absolutely realize that this is like putting you in a situation you didn’t expect, but… but when you were in the hospital, Jude found herself a new roommate. She didn’t really know how to tell you, but she had to do it because she couldn’t afford the rent on her own.”

For a long moment, she stared at him in silence, her face a mixture of shock, followed by understanding. She took a deep breath.

 “Okay,” she muttered. “I understand her, I just… I don’t understand why she didn’t tell me this herself.”

Their relationship still remained deeply complicated, put to the test by guilt. Spencer couldn’t say much about it. It was something between the two of them, and he hardly knew Jude at all.

 “I’m also sorry for asking you this so late,” he continued after a moment. “But… you can’t live alone, you know that. Someone… someone needs to be with you over the next few weeks and… I’m willing to be that person.”

Her lips remained slightly parted for a moment.

“You want… no, wait, you want me to move in with you?” It was clearly a rhetorical question, because before he could answer, she started shaking her head. “Spencer, I can’t. I can’t be that burden for you.”

“A burden? You’re not…”

“But I will be. In the next few weeks, I definitely will be.”

He took his hands off the steering wheel, placing them loosely on his knees.

“Can you… can you look at me for a moment?” he asked.

It took a moment before she hesitantly met his gaze. Her eyes were filled with embarrassed tears, tears full of unjust shame. Seeing this, pain spread through his chest.

“If the accident hadn’t happened, would you want to live with me?”

 Her lips remained pressed together, and she sighed.

 “It’s a big decision. Aside from the fact that if it weren’t for the accident, I wouldn’t even have to consider this option…”

“I just want to know if you would want to. Don’t think of it as an option, just as… a completely normal, life decision. Do you think you’d be able to handle having me around every day?”

She couldn’t help it, and her lips curled into a slight smile.

“We could try,” she finally replied.

Spencer straightened his arms.

“In that case, let’s go inside.”

 “No, wait, it’s not that simple! My opinion shouldn’t matter; it’s you who needs to think about whether you want this…”

 “I do.”

She snorted, resigned, not knowing what else to say.

“I can’t even tie my own shoes,” she tried one last time.

“I’ll gladly do it for you. What’s more, I know all kinds of knots. Simple, sailor’s, Chinese…”

“Spencer Reid, you’re impossible.”

For the rest of the day, she tried every possible way to talk him out of his decision. But when she finally accepted it, she struggled to accept his help with tasks she couldn’t do on her own.

 It wasn’t until later that he realized how much she had been pretending in the hospital. He had only seen her for a fraction of her day, and she seemed so positive then. But this temporary disability had really taken a toll on her mentally. He could repeat and assure her, completely sincerely, that she wasn’t a burden to him, but deep down, she still believed otherwise.

So, when two days later, she timidly appeared in the bedroom doorway with the question of whether he could help her wash her hair, Spencer felt like he had won the lottery.

“Sure,” he agreed, probably a bit too enthusiastically, jumping to his feet so quickly that he almost tripped.

She pretended not to notice.

In the bathroom, he slowly helped her pull the shirt over her head, careful not to catch it on the collar still around her neck or accidentally cause her any pain. 

“Be careful not to tilt your head too much, okay?” he asked, wetting her hair with the showerhead. She closed her eyes when a few drops of water splashed onto them. “Sorry!”

“For god's sake, Spencer, you're doing it more carefully than I would have done myself.”

It was true; he was acting as if he were performing some task at work that required absolute precision. He shrugged, massaging the strawberry shampoo into her hair. Foam quickly appeared, smelling sweet.

Suddenly, her hands tightened around the front of his shirt.

“Sorry,” she whispered, loosening her grip. “I got a little dizzy.”

Spencer immediately pressed his hands, still covered in shampoo, to her waist, afraid she might fall. He stared at her face for a long moment, waiting for the dizziness to pass.

And just then, her body suddenly went limp, falling forward.

Terrified, he let out a strangled cry.

“Hold on, please, don’t fall!” he kept repeating, doing everything he could to keep her upright.

Her hands hung limply on his shoulders, the foam and water soaking into his shirt, but he didn’t care at all.

“I’m right here, hold on to me as much as you can. C-c-can you hear me at all?”

He wondered whether it would be better to stand her up or lay her down while he could get to the phone and call an ambulance, when suddenly her weak touch grew stronger, and she let out a soft groan.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologizing. I’m still holding you, can you hear me?”

His heart was pounding incredibly fast as she gently pulled her head away from his chest. He, of course, didn’t let her stand on her own, constantly supporting her body, protecting her from a fall that could be disastrous.

Together, they left the shower cabin, her hair still covered in foam.

“Are you aware that this is how it’s going to look now?” she asked seriously.

Completely unfazed, he wiped the foam from her forehead, which was dangerously close to her eyes.

“I’d rather have you lose consciousness in my bathroom, right next to me, than risk… I don’t know, cracking your head open.”

For a moment, she was silent, the color beginning to return to her pale face, her gaze becoming more alert. He had a strange feeling that she was about to start crying, and since he really didn’t want that, he pulled her close again, in his usual protective gesture. Everything around them smelled of strawberries.

“Do you really have to be this good?”

Spencer snorted.

“I’m afraid it’s just my curse.”

*

“Are these people really arguing about whether a cucumber is a fruit or a vegetable?”

Sitting on the couch, you jumped when a voice spoke right behind you. At the last second, you caught your laptop before it slipped off your lap. You had been reading some absurd discussion on an online forum you stumbled upon completely by accident. And yes, these users were indeed arguing about whether a cucumber is a fruit or a vegetable.

“Damn it, Spencer!” you shouted, putting your hand over your heart, which was pounding in an agitated rhythm. You looked at your boyfriend with a scowl. “You almost gave me a heart attack. How is it possible I didn’t hear you come in?”

He shrugged. Leaning his elbows on the back of the couch, the rolled-up sleeves of his shirt revealed the skin of his forearms. In that position, he had a perfect view of the screen on your laptop. He had just returned from work, a rainy July evening, his hair slightly damp.

“I wasn’t sneaking around. You must’ve just been lost in thought. Want to tell me what’s occupying that beautiful mind of yours?” He leaned in to place a kiss on your temple.

“Beautiful mind, huh?” you repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Just a few days ago, you told me that if a 19th-century priest heard even one thought from my head, he’d go into anaphylactic shock. Whatever that was supposed to mean.”

"In a big simplification, what I meant is that even though I love you, sometimes your way of thinking scares me."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"By the way, I bought land for Alexander."

Alexander was your new flycatcher, which had grown so much that it completely prevented the other flowers on the windowsill from growing. Due to its conqueror tendencies, you decided to name it after one of them.

"Do you want to repot it into a new pot now...?"

"No. Now you need to come to me."

You set the laptop aside and waited for him to take a seat on the couch. Before fully snuggling into him, you untied and removed the tie from his neck, then unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt, just the way you liked.

You sighed almost instantly; his body was more comfortable than a pillow. Warm, with your favorite scent. You rested your head on his chest as his fingers gently combed through your hair.

In the first few weeks after you were discharged from the hospital, you couldn’t even sleep in the same bed. There was a risk that, in his sleep, he might accidentally bump into your neck and cause damage. Spencer enforced that rule strictly, as he did with every precaution related to your health.

Six months had passed since the accident, and for the past four months, you hadn’t worn a neck brace or needed help with daily tasks. But that didn’t change the fact that, sometimes, when you showered together, he would wash your hair just like he used to. Anyway, you were still attending rehabilitation and would need to for a long time, but despite that, you felt like you had fully returned to normal life.

You lifted yourself slightly to look at his face.

"I was walking to the bar today," you began.

You’d been considering going back to work for a while now, and the doctors had assured you there was no reason you couldn’t. You wanted something to occupy your hands and craved the sense of purpose that came with a task. You’d mentioned it to Spencer long ago, so he didn’t seem surprised when you brought it up.

"And? Will they take you back?"

"No. I mean, it’s not that they don’t want to, I just didn’t get there. That’s why I said I was walking and not that I went to a bar. Are you following?"

"I'm trying."

"So, listen to this. I took the subway and got off at that station near the room I used to rent."

The landlord had asked for the keys back shortly after your accident. Your arrangement had been that, in exchange for using the space, you cleaned it daily. Of course, you hadn’t been able to keep up with that anymore.

"...And I don't know, I was overwhelmed by this strange feeling, like I wanted to go back to it. Helping people."

"You help people all the time," Spencer reminded you. "All our neighbors come to you to vent about everything happening in their lives."

"That's true, but I mean, you know, professional help," you said, taking a deeper breath. You couldn't decide whether you were more excited or nervous about the decision. "I've been thinking about going back to uni, Spencer."

He straightened up, almost causing you to slide off his chest. Filled with tension, you watched his reaction closely. You’d spent the entire day wondering what he might say. Would he share your enthusiasm and support your plans, or would he try to talk you out of it, reasoning that you’d dropped out of school once and might not manage it again?

These thoughts were incredibly silly. Spencer—knowledge-obsessed, ever-curious Spencer—would never say something like that.

Instead, he pulled you into a tight embrace, whispering how incredible the idea was. You melted into it completely, feeling more elated than ever and unable to stop thinking about the crazy chain of cause and effect that had led to this specific moment, this particular relationship, and above all, this exact happiness. 

do you accept this overly sweet ending as my apology? :> tagging: @nightfullofparadox @lillaberry @fortheloveofgubler @opheliahotchner @cowboy1ikereid @penelopegarciaismygf

sorry if i forgot about someone!

[onechicagolife]

little sis

summary: in which you have a protective older brother

requested? yes by anonymous

word count: 1117

warnings: severide!reader

a/n: this was requested and started before jack damon existed... sev’s really got siblings coming out of the woodwork 😅 

want to be tagged? link in bio <3

When you found out that you had a long-lost older brother, you weren’t entirely surprised. Your father, Benny Severide, was notorious for abandoning his family – no, his families. He left you and your mom when you were young, dropping by every other month for a weekend of good old father-daughter bonding. Those visits became less frequent as time went on when he remarried, again, and had two stepsons who you never met. Another new family. You were in your early twenties when your mom got sick and when she was near her death bed, she told you about your brother.

Kelly Severide.

You immediately searched him online once you found out he was a firefighter in Chicago, and after reading dozens of articles about the people he’s saved, you knew you had to meet him. All you had was his name and where he worked, so you traveled to Chicago and showed up at his firehouse. The connection was immediate and the bond you formed was unlike any relationship in your life, one of unconditional love and support. You decided to move there to be closer to him, since he was the only real family you had left, and he let you stay with him while you got on your feet. He was your big brother in every sense of the word. Which meant, unfortunately, he was protective of your relationships. Over-protective, one could say. Scratch that – one would say, because he is.

That is the biggest reason you’ve kept your new relationship a secret from everyone. If you could create the perfect man in a lab, he would be Jay Halstead. You’ve been dating for three months now, and it is without a doubt the healthiest relationship you’ve been. For the first time in maybe ever, you felt seen. The only problem is that you are afraid of your older brother’s reaction to dating someone he knows, someone that is older than you and someone who lives such a dangerous job. Ironic.

Kelly and Jay have worked together before and while they’ve never been close friends, their mutual friends all hanging out together at Molly’s is what led you into Jay’s arms to begin with. Hell, they even dated the same girl in the past, which makes the whole situation even more risky. You valued Kelly’s opinion more than anything and knowing he disapproved of your relationship might actually break you. Because as hard as you are falling for Jay, if your brother told you to choose, you know who it would be.

“Do you want another beer?” Jay calls out from the kitchen.

The sound of his melodic voice pulls you from your wallowing and you call out, “Sure!” You bite at the nail on your thumb, a nasty habit your mom tried for years to break, getting lost in thought again until he settles next to you on the couch. You jump slightly, muttering a thanks and grabbing the outstretched bottle from his hand.

Jay studies you for a moment, “You okay?” Before you can word-vomit all over him, a knock on the door of your apartment sounds. “Are you expecting someone?”

“No,” you hum as you check the time on your phone, “Maybe the pizza is early.” You set your beer on the coaster and stand, shuffling over and peering through the peephole. Eyes widening, you jump back from the door like it’s on fire. “It’s Kelly!” you whisper-shout, spinning around to face him with wide eyes. “You have to hide.”

He lets out a chuckle, “Seriously?” When he realizes you are not laughing with him, Jay arches a brow and lets out a scoff, “You’re serious.” He stares at you for another beat, waiting, but you just arch your brows and gesture towards the other room. Feeling a bit ridiculous but also understanding how nervous you are about your still relatively new relationship with your brother, he relents with a shake of his head, muttering something unintelligible under his breath as he hides in the bathroom.

You let out a shaky breath, calming your nerves before unlocking and opening the door with a forced smile. “Hey bro!” you try not to cringe at the sound of your own voice, clearing your throat. “What’s up?”

The older man studies your face, biting back a smile, “Can we talk?”

Before you can answer, he takes a step forward and gently pushes his way into your apartment. You swallow nervously as you close the door, eyes ticking towards the half-closed bathroom door before turning and following him deeper inside. “Is everything okay?”

“You tell me,” he counters with his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. When you simply furrow your brows at him, he clicks his tongue. “I heard a rumor about you.”

You can’t help but snort as you fold your arms over your chest, “Are we in high school?” Kelly chuckles at the sass, still getting used to the whole younger sister thing. “Sorry,” you give a sheepish shrug, “What kind of rumor?”

“Are you dating someone?”

You blink, shuffling between your feet, “Wh-what?” When he doesn’t respond, just sends you a look, you sigh and mumble an answer.

He lifts a hand to his ear, “What was that?”

Narrowing your eyes, you fight a smile at his teasing, “Maybe. How did you know?”

“A buddy of mine thought he saw you at dinner the other night at Rinaldi’s. I thought it was a mistake, since you said you couldn’t have dinner with me and Stella because you had to work. But now that I think about it, you’ve been acting kind of secretive lately.”

Guilt washes over you at the reminder of your lies, “I’m sorry. I—I wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet. It’s still new.”

Kelly smiles softly, “Well, I’ve also noticed you’ve been happier lately. Seeing you happy… That’s all that matters to me. So, I just wanted you to know that I approve.”

Approve? Did he… did he know? No, he couldn’t. If he knew it was Jay that you were at dinner with, wouldn’t he have mentioned that part already? Surely, he would’ve. After a moment of spiraling, you actually digest his words and blink back the sudden rush of unexpected tears. You clear your throat, “Thanks.”

Nodding, he takes a few steps closer, “That’s all I wanted to say.”

“Okay,” you nod back, not turning around as he walks towards the door.

“Actually, one more thing,” his voice cuts through the silence and you glance over your shoulder with a curious look. A devilish smirk tugs at his lips as Kelly nods his head towards the bathroom, “Tell Halstead he owes me a beer.”

[idkyetxoxo]

Daeron Targaryen - Halves of the Same Soul

Summary - Twin siblings share an unshakable bond that blurs the line between love and obsession. Courtly intrigue, forbidden desires, and dangerous secrets simmer beneath the surface—where loyalty and power collide, and no one is safe from the flames.

Pairing - Daeron Targaryen x Targaryen reader

Warnings - None

Word count - 2946

Masterlist for Daeron • House of the Dragon General Masterlist

Wherever Daeron went, I followed. As his twin sister, we were inseparable, two halves of the same whole. 

He wasn't just my brother; he was my other half in every sense. 

So when our mother decided he should go to Oldtown with our uncle, I couldn't bear the thought of being left behind. 

I begged and pleaded until she relented, agreeing that I could accompany him.

Like many of our Targaryen ancestors, the idea of marrying within our family was not foreign to us. Daeron and I had made it abundantly clear that we were ready to wed, eager to spend our lives together in the way of our kin. 

It felt natural, inevitable, as though our bond was written in the stars long before we were born.

Still, whispers spread throughout the realm of a possible match between me and Aemond, our older brother. Such talk was common in the courts, but my heart belonged to Daeron. 

One brother held my affection, and it wasn't Aemond.

"Princess, may I have this dance?" Lord Tyrell's voice cut through my conversation with Daeron and Gwayne. I glanced at the extended hand, sighing inwardly as my gaze flickered to the two men beside me. 

Gwayne smiled faintly, while Daeron's eyes remained fixed on me, unreadable.

"Of course, my lord," I replied with a polite smile, though exhaustion weighed on me. The night had been long, filled with dances and endless courtesies. 

Tonight was our name day, and yet, I was more worn out than celebratory.

As Lord Tyrell led me to the dance floor, he offered a charming smile. 

"Princess, you look absolutely exquisite this evening," he said smoothly, dipping me effortlessly in time with the music.

I returned his compliment with a gracious smile. "That is kind of you, my lord."

He twirled me around gracefully before continuing, "You are ten and six now if I am not mistaken?" His tone seemed casual, but I could sense there was more behind the question.

"I am, my lord," I answered, though I already felt a knot forming in my stomach. I wondered where this conversation was headed.

He smiled, a little too smugly for my liking. "Ah, the perfect age for a young lady to be wed. Some would say you're even a year or two past that ideal age," he said with a chuckle. 

I forced a smile, though his words stung, the humour entirely lost on me.

"An... interesting observation, my lord," I replied, trying to maintain a composed tone.

He was undeterred. "I only mean to say, Princess, that it may be time to consider your future. A union could be quite beneficial."

As he spoke, his grip on my waist tightened ever so slightly, enough to make me uneasy. His suggestion was no longer a polite inquiry—it felt more like an imposition.

"I am quite content as I am," I said, attempting to subtly pull away. But his hands only grew firmer, drawing me closer. 

A soft, involuntary whine escaped my lips as his fingers dug into my side.

"You are hurting me," I whispered, my voice barely audible above the music. He scoffed, rolling his eyes in dismissal, then leaned in closer to me, his breath hot against my ear.

"Remember this, Princess—you may wear a crown, but I am the son of the Lord of Highgarden and Warden of the South. It would be wise for you not to forget your place."

I kept my voice steady, ignoring his thinly veiled threat. "I would like you to let go of me," I said calmly, though I could feel my heart racing.

"I am offering you my hand in marriage," he continued, his tone impatient now. "And it is a favourable offer, one you would be wise to consider."

"It is a kind offer, my lord—" I began, but he cut me off, pulling me even closer, far too close for propriety. His face hovered inches from mine as he leaned in again, his voice a low whisper.

"Do not decline me, Princess. Together, we could achieve great things," he murmured, and before I could protest, he pressed a lingering kiss to the curve of my neck. I squirmed in discomfort, trying to free myself from his grasp.

"This is not proper," I insisted, attempting to pull back, but his hold remained unyielding.

"And yet here we are," he said, his voice full of arrogance as he tightened his grip.

As Lord Tyrell's fingers tightened around my waist, his smug expression only deepened. 

I attempted to pull away again, but it was as if he was determined to exert his control over me, his grip growing more possessive with each passing moment.

"I am offering you something far better than waiting around for your family to choose for you," he said, his voice dripping with arrogance. 

"Perhaps you think one of your brothers will come to your rescue? Daeron, perhaps?" He chuckled darkly, his breath hot against my ear. 

"Oh, I know the whispers, Princess. It's no secret you and your twin are unnaturally close."

I stiffened, my heart pounding as his words twisted the bond between Daeron and me into something vile, something inappropriate. 

"Do not speak of things you do not understand, my lord," I said coldly, trying to maintain my composure.

But Lord Tyrell only laughed, the sound low and mocking. 

"Oh, but I do understand, Princess. Very well, in fact. The Targaryens have always had... peculiar traditions, haven't they? A little too fond of keeping things in the family, if you ask me. But I suppose it's convenient when you have two brothers to choose from."

His words stung, like barbs digging into my skin. I felt a flush of anger rise in me, but I kept my face impassive, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing how deeply his jabs had cut.

"You speak as if I have no will of my own, my lord," I replied, my voice steady despite the fury bubbling within me. "I make my own choices."

"Do you?" he sneered, pulling me even closer, his body pressing uncomfortably against mine. 

"Because from where I stand, it seems as though you're simply waiting for your family to marry you off like a broodmare. Aemond, Daeron—it's all the same, isn't it? Marry one brother, marry the other. Does it really matter which? Maybe your mother will flip a coin for you."

His laugh was cruel and biting, the insinuation laced with contempt. I felt a surge of nausea at his words. 

I had heard whispers before, rumours that clung to the shadow of our family's name like a curse, but to hear them spoken so brazenly to my face made my blood boil.

"That is enough," I said, my voice colder than ice. "I will not tolerate such disrespect, especially not from a lord of your standing."

But he only smirked, clearly enjoying the power he thought he wielded over me. 

"Come now, Princess. You should consider yourself lucky. If your brothers won't wed you, I could make a far better match. Imagine it—the daughter of dragons married to the future Lord of Highgarden. We could unite the Reach and your precious Targaryen bloodline in ways your family could never imagine."

He leaned in close again, his lips brushing against my ear as he whispered, "You may think you can keep hiding behind Daeron, but sooner or later, your brothers won't be able to protect you. Not from men like me."

The threat in his voice was unmistakable now, and my heart raced with both anger and fear. 

His fingers dug into my waist, his other hand creeping up to the small of my back, pulling me in so tightly I could barely breathe. 

I wanted to scream, to shove him away, but in the middle of the crowded hall, surrounded by lords and ladies, I was trapped. 

"I said let go of me," I hissed, no longer caring to mask the fury in my voice.

He smirked, clearly enjoying the effect he had on me. "You act as though you have a choice in the matter, Princess. But we both know you'll be married off to the highest bidder, whether it's your brother or not. And when that day comes, you'll wish you had taken a man like me instead."

His arrogance was suffocating, the air between us thick with tension. 

I glanced over his shoulder, desperate to meet Daeron's gaze, and found his eyes locked onto us, his expression darkening with each passing second. 

He had been watching the entire time, his posture rigid as Gwayne continued speaking, oblivious to the storm brewing beside him.

Tyrell's mocking voice broke through my thoughts again. "Or perhaps it's Aemond you're holding out for?" he sneered, the taunt sharp. 

"I hear he's a real delight. Cold, brooding, but maybe that's your type. A marriage made for the histories, wouldn't you agree? I wonder, does he even look at you the way Daeron does?"

I couldn't contain my disgust any longer. 

"You are vile," I spat, finally managing to pull back enough to create some distance between us. "You speak of things that are far beyond your comprehension."

Lord Tyrell's smirk didn't falter. If anything, it widened, as though my outrage only spurred him on. 

"Oh, I comprehend perfectly, Princess. You Targaryens think you're above everyone else, that your blood makes you untouchable. But at the end of the day, you're just like any other woman—destined to be wed, controlled, and used for power. And believe me, I know how to use what's mine."

Lord Tyrell's smirk had turned predatory, his arrogance swelling with each moment I resisted him. 

I could feel my pulse quicken, but before I could respond, I saw Daeron out of the corner of my eye, rising from his seat, his face dark with fury. 

His normally calm and composed expression had twisted into something dangerous, his jaw set in a way that promised no leniency.

There was no question—he would tear the world apart for me, just as I would for him. 

We had never needed words to understand that. I felt the strength of our bond in that moment, a force as powerful as any dragon's fire.

"Is there a problem here, Lord Tyrell?" Daeron's voice was deceptively calm, but the iciness beneath it was unmistakable.

He was at my side in an instant, standing between me and Tyrell, his presence immediately shifting the dynamic. 

The crowd continued to swirl around us, oblivious to the tension mounting between the two men.

Tyrell straightened, his grip loosening slightly as Daeron's arrival forced him to back off—though not entirely. 

He maintained a cocky smile as if Daeron's presence was nothing more than a slight inconvenience.

"Prince Daeron," Tyrell said with mock deference, inclining his head but failing to mask the condescension in his tone. "Just having a dance with your lovely sister. A bit protective, are we?" 

He chuckled softly, though there was nothing friendly about the sound. "One might start to think you don't trust anyone else near her."

Daeron's eyes were dark, his stare unflinching. "My trust is earned, not given freely to men who have forgotten their manners." 

His voice was low, the threat subtle but unmistakable. "I suggest you step back before you say something you'll regret."

Tyrell scoffed, clearly unbothered by the warning. 

"Manners? I was only reminding the Princess of the realities of her position. Surely you understand, Prince Daeron, that marriage for someone like her—someone like you—is more about duty than sentiment. She will be wed to whomever best serves the realm. Or perhaps you believe your family's peculiar... preferences should continue unchecked?" 

His eyes gleamed with cruel amusement, clearly relishing the opportunity to provoke.

Daeron's lips curled into a dangerous smile, one that sent a shiver through me, though I knew it was not meant for me. 

"You are treading on dangerous ground, Tyrell," he said, stepping closer, his voice a low growl. "I would choose my next words carefully if I were you."

But Lord Tyrell was too arrogant to take heed. He glanced between Daeron and me, his smirk widening. 

"Oh, I've heard the rumours. Everyone has. King Viserys's precious twins, inseparable since birth. The realm has noticed how you look at her, Daeron." He leaned in slightly, lowering his voice but ensuring his words cut deep. 

"Tell me, do you plan to wed her yourself? Has she already been defiled? Or is Aemond your real competition?" His grin was sharp, mocking. 

"Two brothers fighting over their sweet sister. It's quite the tale for the ages, isn't it?"

I felt Daeron stiffen beside me, the tension between them thickening like a brewing storm. His hand clenched at his side, his knuckles turning white. 

For a moment, I feared he would strike Tyrell right there in front of everyone.

"You think you're clever, Tyrell," Daeron said, his voice dangerously low, his anger barely restrained. "But your ignorance will be your downfall. You overestimate your place in this world."

Tyrell's smile faltered for a moment, sensing the shift in Daeron's tone, but his arrogance wouldn't let him back down. 

"I overestimate nothing, Prince. It's you and your family who believe yourselves untouchable as if the world should bend to your will simply because of the blood in your veins. But one day, even your dragons won't be enough to protect you."

Daeron's eyes burned with fury now, his posture rigid with barely contained rage. 

He stepped forward, closing the distance between them until they were nearly chest to chest, his voice a deadly whisper. "You dare speak to a Targaryen in such a manner? You think your title and your father's lands will protect you from the consequences of your insolence?"

Tyrell, to his credit, didn't back down, though I could see the slightest flicker of uncertainty cross his face. 

"I'm merely stating the obvious. We both know that she'll be wed to whomever your family chooses. If not Aemond, then perhaps me. The Reach would make a powerful ally, after all."

Daeron's smile faded completely, replaced by a look so cold it sent a chill through the air. "You will never lay a hand on her again. You speak as if you have a choice in this, but let me make something clear." 

He leaned in, his voice barely above a whisper, though every word dripped with venom. 

"If you ever touch my sister again, or dare to insult her in my presence, I will see you hanged. And when your neck snaps beneath the rope, I'll have your body dragged through the streets and fed to the dogs, for that is all you'll be worth."

Tyrell's face paled slightly, though he quickly masked it with a tight smile, trying to maintain his composure. 

"A bold threat," he said, though his voice lacked its previous bravado. "But I doubt the court would allow such... savagery."

"You doubt too much, Lord Tyrell," Daeron said coldly, his eyes narrowing. "My family is not known for idle threats. You would do well to remember that." 

His hand lingered on the hilt of his sword, a subtle reminder of how easily this conversation could take a deadlier turn.

Tyrell glanced at Daeron's hand, clearly weighing his next move. 

Finally, he gave a forced laugh, stepping back slightly to regain his space. "No need for dramatics, Prince Daeron. I was merely making conversation. A misunderstanding, nothing more."

Daeron didn't move, his gaze still fixed on Tyrell as if daring him to say more. 

"Then let me make myself perfectly clear—there will be no misunderstanding next time. You will not speak of my sister again, nor will you ever touch her. Do so, and I will end you. And no amount of titles or alliances will save you."

Tyrell swallowed, his confidence visibly shaken now. He straightened his tunic, his smile brittle. 

"Of course. I wouldn't dream of offending." He turned to me with a stiff nod, his arrogance noticeably diminished. "Princess."

Without waiting for further acknowledgement, he took his leave, his steps quicker than before, as if eager to escape the tension that still hung in the air.

As soon as he was gone, I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding, my heart still racing from the confrontation. 

Daeron remained tense beside me, his gaze lingering on Tyrell's retreating form as if waiting for him to turn back and make another foolish remark.

"Daeron," I whispered, touching his arm gently to pull him from his thoughts.

He turned to me, his expression softening slightly as he met my gaze. "Are you all right?" His voice was low, filled with concern.

I nodded, though my body still trembled slightly from the encounter. "Thank you," I said softly. "I didn't know what to do. He..."

Daeron's jaw tightened again, but he forced himself to stay calm for my sake. "He's a fool, and he'll regret this. I swear it." 

He glanced toward the hall where Tyrell had disappeared, his expression dark once more. "If he ever touches you again, I will make good on my promise. The dogs will feast on his remains."

I believed him.

"You know," he said quietly, his tone softening further, "the realm may think they can decide our futures for us. But as long as we have each other, nothing else matters."

I smiled up at him, the warmth of his presence chasing away the cold that had gripped me earlier. "No one else," I whispered. "Just us."

And as he wrapped his arm protectively around me, I knew with certainty that, there was no force in the world strong enough to sever the bond between us. 

We were more than siblings—more than Targaryens bound by blood. 

We were halves of the same soul, unbreakable, and as long as we had each other, no one could tear us apart.

A/n - I know I have severely lacked in writing for Daeron recently but I've been so busy, hopefully this makes up for it <3

Daeron tag list - @alyssa-dayne

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Steve was lying on the floor of Robin's room, his back against the wall as he let Robin paint his toenails while he flipped through one of her magazines. The radio played softly in the background.

"I am totally new to having a girlfriend, and by girlfriend, I mean platonic girlfriend," Robin said.

"Well, that's one thing we got in common, I don't think I've ever had a girl who's just a friend," Steve said.

"What about Perkins?" Robin asked.

"She doesn't count, I hated her. She's the reason Tommy became such an asshole," Steve said.

"Hm, yeah," Robin said and paused. "So, how close were you and Tommy?"

"Well, we were friends since we were eight. We pretty much bonded over the fact that we both had assholes for fathers. We shared everything and told each other everything. He told me about his first crush, and I told him about my first crush. We practiced kissing, practiced having sex, and when I got first kiss, I told him immediately," Steve said.

"Woah, woah, woah! Back it up!" Robin exclaimed, and she closed the nail polish. "What the fuck do you mean you practiced kissing and having sex with Tommy Hagan?"

"Exactly what it means," Steve said, rolling his eyes. "We hadn't gotten girlfriends yet, and we wanted to get good before we did. It doesn't mean anything. We like women, so it didn't count."

"It still counts!" Robin shrieked. "Did you or did you not put your lips on Tommy's?"

"Yeah, and I also let Tommy put his dick in my ass. I was basically his pillow," Steve said as he continued to casually flip through the magazine. "It doesn't count if you're not gay, Robin."

"It doesn't work like that! Steve Harrington, the first time you had sex was with Tommy Hagan!" Robin exclaimed.

"It was not!" Steve exclaimed, throwing down the magazine.

"Was too!" She yelled.

"Was not!" Steve yelled.

"Okay! So, let's say if I kissed you right now. . .," Robin said.

"Wouldn't count as your first kiss, you're a lesbian and I'm straight," Steve said.

Robin grinned, a manic look in her eye. She pulled her hand back and slapped Steve across the face. He screamed.

"Didn't count! I'm a lesbian and you're straight!" Robin yelled.

"Okay, okay, I see your point. Jesus, did you have to hit me so hard?" Steve asked, rubbing his red cheek.

"Yeah, dingus, I did," Robin said.

"Okay, so my first kiss was with Tommy, and I lost my virginity. We're not gay, though," Steve said.

"No, just desperate and very horny teenagers, apparently," Robin rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you had gay sex before me, and you're not even gay. I bet you pictured some blond with big boobies."

"Well, no, actually," Steve shrugged.

"Hm, what do you mean?" Robin asked.

"I didn't have to picture a woman. I liked it," Steve shrugged.

"You liked it?!" Robin asked.

"Well, I am a man, Robin," Steve said.

"Uh, except not every man likes it when another man rams it up his asshole," Robin said. "Okay, I kind of wish I had been more delicate about this, but I didn't know this was you being in denial kind of situation."

"I'm straight, Robin, I like women," Steve said.

"Yeah, and did you know that you can like men and women?" Robin asked.

"What?" Steve asked.

Robin smiled and got up to pull out a box from underneath her bed. She pulled out a magazine and tossed it at Steve.

"Read it, study it, learn from it," Robin said.

Steve looked at it quizzically for a moment before opening it. He stared at it for the longest time before finally closing it.

"I am an idiot," Steve said.

"No, you're not. You just didn't know," she said softly.

"Bisexual," Steve whispered, and then he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh my god, this whole time, I thought I lost my virginity to Chrissy Cunningham."

"Chrissy Cunningham?" Robin asked.

"Uh, we used to hang out all the time before she started dating Jason Carver," Steve said. "Our parents ran in the same circles."

"Well, you know, I guess you could say you lost your guy virginity to Tommy Hagan and your girl virginity to Chrissy Cunningham," Robin said.

"Yeah, that's true," Steve grinned. "Thanks, Robin, and especially thank you for giving me that slap. I definitely needed it."

"Anytime that you want me to hit you, I'm your woman," Robin replied.

They moved towards Robin's window sill and sat on it, opening a window to get some fresh air.

"You know this means that I'm not straight," Steve said.

"Something else we have in common," she said.

"You ever wonder how many out there who are like me and who just don't know?" he asked as he looked up at the moon. "Here in Hawkins, I mean."

"Probably a lot more than we think," Robin said. "And they're out there, sitting in their closets wondering if they're ever going escape themselves or be rescued."

"Isn't crazy how we found ourselves?" Steve said.

"Maybe queer people just end up finding each other," Robin said.

"Well, maybe they'll find their way out themselves," Steve said and then he looked her, hazel eyes twinkling in the moonlight. "Seriously, Robin, thank you."

"You did that yourself, you know, you just needed a nudge. I mean, you could have told me to go fuck myself and continued to live in denial," Robin said. "You're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for."

Steve smiled bashfully and glanced back at the moon. He looked at her, with tears in his eyes.

"Is it possible to be platonically in love with someone?" he asked.

"I think anything is possible," she said. "I think it's a definite because I know that I'm absolutely, platonically in love with you."

They dangled their feet out the window and leaned against each other, Steve resting his head on top of Robin's.

"I wish I'd known you sooner," he whispered.

"I wish I'd known you sooner, too," she whispered back.

They were here now, though, and absolutely nothing could get in between them.

[jakeswifeyyy]

YOUR GIRL-P.SUNGHOON

Summary:Ever since you were kids,your brother Jake ,you,and sunghoon had always grown to be a very close trio though they were a year ahead of you in school it didn't change anything among you three ,but since you joined high-school ,you started to realise you'd caught feelings for your bestfriend,and after you find out he had a girlfriend everything between you is always on rocky tides picking up fights over anything that is until one day everything changes ,could be for the better or for the worse

Contains:angst ,smut,fluff (if you squint you'll see)nsfw tags under cut

wc:3.7k

NOTE:This is my first fic ever on this app so I hope you enjoy guys :) and feel free to send me asks

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warning:unprotected sex(pls dont do this),nipple?breast play,making out,oral(mostly f receiving slightly m receiving),pet names(only baby i think),squirting,missionary and doggy positions,lmk if I forgot

You remember the first day you ever laid eyes on Sunghoon ,it was back when you were in 3rd grade and your older brother Jake was a year ahead of you in 4th grade and also a year older ,you were coming back home from school when you saw a moving truck parked in front of your neighbor's house ,you ignored it skipping to our house where outside you saw Jake talking to an unfamiliar boy who looked his age,"Hi Yunnie,what's going on and who's this" you said eyeing the shy boy curiously from head to toe and pointing towards the commotion going on in the compound next to ours."Oh hey little sis,we have new neighbors moving in a couple and their son ,this is the son,Sunghoon"The shy boy was obviously flustered out of being nervous as I could also tell he was quite the introvert ,youstuck your hand out offering a handshake and you smiled at him to which he smiled back,"Hi Sunghoon,I'm y/n but i will call you hoon your name is too long"you laughed then ran inside bidding them both goodbye as they kept talking and went inside to find your mom cooking so you helped her around for the dinner she'd planned with the Park family that evening ,about nearly time Sunghoon came over with his sister who you learned was yeji a very polite quiet girl and that night both our families bonded over dinner,that was day one of your frienship.

All 3 of you became completely inseperable from that day onwards .So you would all practically do everything together never leaving anyone out but it all started once they joined highschool and started acting different especially Jake,for instance since you had very busy parents who were rarely ever home and Jake had just turned into an adult he started wreaking havoc ,late night parties on school nights ,if not he was barely ever home but he still did his part as an older brother but ever since one night he lost his virginity when he had just turned 18 and you had just joined highschool you just couldn't see him the same anymore and ironically at the same exact time,you started catching feelings for sunghoon and it wasn't just the beginning you had noticed started seeing him different from a year earlier ,everytime you were around him your heart beat rose a little ,you would smile uncontrollably ,you would blush for NO reason at all,but you remembered what you were and there was no way he would ever see you how you saw him ,you were just like his little sister to him as if he had not made it obvious enough these mixed up feelings made you confused and scared but also angry,and you decided to blame him for all of this,why did he have to always pull the little sister card on you? and you had had enough of it so you decided you would get him off your mind and erase him from your life,all these thoughts fueled by anger.

That following whole week you left early for school everyday without lettng jake or sunghoon know,jake wasnt all the much bothered but sunghoon sure was,oneday after a week of successfully avoiding them or ore so avoiding sunghoon you were preparing for a class before checking the time on your phone

Just as you put your phone in the locker someone appears behind you,"hey y/n" you turn around to find sunghoon and your face drops "oh hi"you reply back as dry as you can

"C'mere" He says as he leads you to an empty corridor,"Sunghoon let go of me I don't think your girlfriend would like seeing this,and you know how stuff spreads in this school it will reach her",you try pulling your hand out of his grasp,"I know but this is important"he says as he turns to you taking ahold of both yourhands,"Ah what is it?",he bit his lip in concentration looking away before taking a deep breathe and looking at you again ,deep into your eyes, It felt like he was piercing daggers into your skull,"I've been meaning to ask you.."He says "Why've you been avoiding me and acting off for the past week" you raise your eyebrows at him before scoffing and looking away,"you're really asking me this and you have a girlfriend Park sunghoon?"

He was visibly shocked you'd never called him by his two names let alone his full name,"Why not? We've always been close even when I didn't have a girlfriend.. why is it suddenly a big deal now I have a girlfriend..?",you laughed before staring him dead in the eye"You really asking me that?,what do you think sunghoon why do you think I'm doing this huh?"he looked confused and couldn't figure it out and that just made your anger boil more and you got frustrated,"No just no",you move away from him frustrated,"Why are you being like this..?"he says, taking a step forward for every step you take back,","Wait.. we're not done with this conversation yet..!"you roll your eyes at him,"Ugh leave me alone for heaven's sake",you pull harshly at your hand, "I will once you explain this..!" he says, his hold on your wrist getting a little tighter,"Sunghoon let the fuck go of me"He doesn't let go, gripping tighter on your wrist"Stop acting so stubborn and listen to me!" He pinned you against the wall after saying that,"I'll give you 5 minutes to talk park,just five "Fine.." he says with a huff, still keeping you pinned against the wall "But if you're doing this, then you need to listen to me.."He sighs and looks you in the eye"Why are you avoiding me and acting so damn different..?"you closed your eyes trying to calm myself down to not burst out at him but ended up doing it anyway,"Maybe cause I fucking liked you but you were too blind to see that just pulling the little fucking sister card on me every damn time"His eyes widen a bit hearing what you said, he was completely caught off guard and suddenly felt awful"You.. you liked me..?,"you scoff at his shock,"Yes liked as in past tense and it's over if anything you're nothing to me now",you feel him tense"y/n...",I scoff,"what, park",I bite back ,"I liked you too....",your annoyed smirk dropped,"you what-",suddenly he abruptly let go of you,"shit I uhm need to go do something," before you could even respond he ran off,still in a daze you fell to the floor and stared at the ground,"i shouldnt have done that now ive probably ruined evrything between us that was there",you said to yourself,you left to go home where you found Jake getting ready,"where you going jake ?",he briefly smiled at you before responding "Party at yeonjun's he told me to invite you ,if you would like to come",i nodded in understanding before he said,"If you decide to get ready when sunghoon is gonna come over tell him I'm not around if he can to take you to the party," youjust nodded and with a brief pat on the head he left.

you had 2 hours to the party and was feeling a little risky and needed someone to get myyour mind off of sunghoon tonight you decided to wear the sluttiest dress you ever owned which was a thigh high minidress with a slit through the side to right below the hip and some spaghetti straps which exposed her collarbones ,after a finishing touch of make up you decided that was the look you'd be going for ,you still had an hour left to kil so you decided to just scroll through your phone when you heard the doorbell ring,"oh sunghoon,hi",he hesitated a bit before replying,"hey y/n jake's gone right?",youlooked at him confused,"uh yeah,"he closed the door behind him and took of his shoes,hung his jacket on the coat hanger before walking towards you,"thats perfect then..,"he was still walking towards you while you backed away,"S-sunghoon w-what are you doing",he didnt answer but kept walking towards you till he pinned me against the wall,staring down at you with an intense yet soft and dark gaze,while you looked up at him confused,"H-hoon-",he put his finger on your lip to keep you quiet finger slightly lingering there so were his eyes,"i wanna show you how much i truly do love you,that girl you sawme with? she was just a distraction to me from you cause baby i thought about you day and night and knowing how wrong this was because of our friendship i wanted to avoid it but fuck baby i just cant get my mind off of you ,you know that?you make me go crazy baby,will you let me prove my love for you because i love you so damn much y/n?",you was shocked by his confession and couldnt even find words to respond,you just smiled up at him and nodded,then you felt him lean down,he leaned his forehead against yourd and your crackhead self decided to crack a joke,"Guess there was never an intention for a party huh?",he chuckled in his deep voice and the mini you in your head did cartwheels,"oh baby we'll have a party of our own right here",with that he trailed his other hand up my side and rested it at my waist.

"Kiss me hoon",he smirked as if he was waiting for those words,"your wish is my command baby,"with that his lips met you could've moaned at just the feeling of his soft plump lips on mine but held it in but when he bit your lip you audibly moaned and he pulled back and smirked,"you sound so fucking beautiful baby i need to hear more of those pretty moans",you blushed and looked away at his words before he held your chin and turned you to face him,he had this smug smirk you just wanted to wipe off his lips,"how about we go to your room baby its gonna be a long night,"you internally blushed core throbbing with longing,somehow losing your ability to speak around him,"o-okay,"his hands went under your ass lifting you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist and he started kissing you again this time,wrapping your hands around his neck ,fingers tugging at his hair and deepening the kiss it got rougher and rougher and before you knew it you both reached your room and continued making out against the wall he bit your lip again inserting his tongue in your mouth as your tongues fought ,it was messy but none of you was in the right mind to care.

He then set you down,"strip for me baby,"he then went and sat at the edge of the bed watching you with such a piercing gaze you felt youtself shudder before you reached for the strap of your dress pulling it down,then the same on the other side,but you weren't wearing a bra and suddenly felt shy and couldn't move on further,he noticed you hesitate and stood up walking towards you,"Did i make you uncomfortable baby-"you shut him up kissing him abruptly before responding,"no,i want you to take it off yourself",he let out a shaky breath,"oh baby the things you do to me,"he pulled you towards the bed laying you down and was about to lean in again before you put your hand on his chest,"hoonie take this off please"you started unbuttoning his shirt before he stood on his knees and took it off himself before leaning back down kissing your lips briefly and started trailing hot kisses down ,across your jaw ,down your neck down to your collarbone while you arched your back up into the air your chest making contact with his hard one while you moaned uncontrollably before you felt him pull the dress down leaving pecks teasingly around your hardened peaks while looking up at you tracing his tongue around your nipple before finally engulfing it making you let out a moan of relief as he sucked on one breast , his hand massaging the other breast flicking your nipple with his pointer finger ,the aching in your core just intensifed more and more before he finally left your breasts,"hoonie want your cock in me please,"you whimpered,"oh baby ill give it to you wanna taste your pretty pussy first hm?,"you felt scared now no one had ever eaten you out before,"h-hoon what if it tastes weird what if you dont like it-" he shut you up with his finger on my lips shaking his head disapprovingly,before pulling down the rest of your dress,together with your panties.

Once fully bare he spread your legs loudly groaning at the sight,"oh baby how have you been hiding this pretty lil' pussy from me huh?"you couldnt even respond before he was already leaning down licking a fat stripe from your entrance to your clit ,gathering your juices,before circling the bundle of nerves with his tongue while you were writhing beneath him,"fuck hoonie yes please-",he smirked slurping messily before teasing your entrance with the tip of his tongue,"please what baby,tell me what you want",you couldn't even form words but i tried,"your f-fingers please hoonie,"he didn't need to be told twice before he slid one finger inside me slowly pumping it in and out curling them just right,"m-more.."you managed to squeak out,"you sure you can take more baby?"you nodded frantically and he added another finger setting a pace pumping them in and out quickly,"hoonie m'gonna cum ngh",he chuckled,"falling apart this fast on my fingers makes me wonder hw long you'll last on my cock baby,go ahead cum on my fingers"feeling the knot in my stomach loosen as you came down from your high,"you okay baby?",you nodded before spreading your legs wider,"fuck me hoonie.."you whimpered.

You heard him inhale sharply before taking of his pants togetherwith his boxers and you saw how big and achingly hard his pretty cock was ,angry red tip with precum glistening at the top decorated with pretty veins you wanted to lick along,but that would be for another day,he then positioned himself between your legs,"ready baby?"you nodded while taking a deep breathe before you felt his tip poke through your entrance and the feeling was like no other,you never pictured yourself letting out such a pornographic moan but even he seemed satisfied with it because he smirked,then he went all the way in before pulling back out and slamming right back in ,he started thrusting fucking in balls deep in an unforgiving pace,"S-shit hoonie so good,"he kept fcking into you without a break,lifting your leg over his shoulder making his tip poke at that exact place that made your legs shake,"yeah baby?....you wanna cum so soon?...i feel you clenching around me baby ,fuck yeah milk my cock dry?"you felt your high approaching fast,"hoon gonna-"he suddenly flipped you onto all fours fucking at an unrelentless pace the new position making him hit deeper to places you never discovered with just your fingers ,he pulled you up your back against his chest as he kept fucking into you nonstop one had coming to your breast pinching and twisting your nipple while the other went south towards your clit circling it in fast circles,"hoon something feels different ngh"you weren't sure if it was good or bad but he kept going and all of a sudden it went black and you felt his thrusts slow down and when you opened my eyes a few seconds later it was wet everywhere,"fuck baby that was so hot you squirted,"you blushed out of embarrasment then remembered ,"hoon you havent-"he chuckled bringing his hand to his cock pumping it extremely fast to get him off while you just watched in awe at the sight infront of you before he came making a mess over yourpussy and fell on top of you catching his breath.

a few minutes later he stood up to get a towel from my bathroom wiping you clean and himself before he got you a shirt and put on his boxers crawling into bed with you leaving small pecks all over your face as your eyes slowly shut,"i love you baby,"you smiled at his words before replying,"i love you to hoonie"then you both fell asleep and that was probably the best sleep you ever had.

safe to say jake and giselle had a lot of questions the next morning when they walked in on you giving hoon the suck of his life

THE END~

(This hasn't been proofread as I had a really bad headache whilst writing so please ignore the errors)

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taglist:@en-verse only <3

this might be a bit confusing i had a headache while writing :)

[teotheratking]

ABOUT JEAN: The monthly discourse

Damn and I thought we were past monthly Jean discourse, y'all are quite off schedule this time.

I do think it's funny how Jean-Heron Vicquemare continues to be The Public Enigma with what could be equivalent of 5 minutes of screen time. All of his appearances can be put into 3 groups: worrying/searching for Harry, watching over Harry, spending 45 minutes on insulting him. So it only makes sense how his discourse as well is surrounded by conversation, what is his relationship with Harry? Him being Harry's Satellite officer is like another added layer to how his whole existence seems in a constant orbit around the center of the Earth - Harrier Du Bois.

When discussing both of these characters I think it is crucial to strip them down layer by layer. When we're doing this Harry and Jean, I think we see far too quickly, how similar they are even with many differences: both are addicts, depressed, having facial scarrings and, of course, both are cops.

When looking at them from purely 'superior and subordinate perspective, they remind me of Robert Eggers script from The Lighthouse (2019) particularly this bit:

The Lighthouse explores the themes of capitalism and perpetual cycles of new and old generations: Young and Old.

We can see similar themes explored in DE as well. The game isn't afraid of constantly putting the players head into the mud, saying: "Yeah, it is that shit." RCM is a constantly moving system that lures people in with the promise of help for community and spits out a hollow husk of their former selves. Though I would say it doesnt do that either as most of them die before ever reaching retirement age.

Harry is surrounded by old dog imagery.

Particularly dogs that are about to be put down or are already dead. I particularly love this segment of the game with Joyce - it is clear that in this segment the black dog licking his wound is Harry, who's getting put down by the system he works in. But what I think makes the scene even better is what follows it:

Every officer's fate in RCM is the same.

It's the years of violence, brutality, system that eats those, who help and enables those, who hurt. It's speed, alcohol, never ending poverty, and as years go by another officer is closer and closer to finally pull the trigger on the old dog that you have become.

One final act in the Disco Inferno.

And there's inescapable horror in all of this: seeing what you will become, what you're bound to become. Looking in the mirror and staring at your partner's reflection - ever present reminder: "This will be you in 10 years to come."

When Jean says "trying," what he actually means is "functional." Having context of RCM system and inherent ableism of it, I think it's safe to say, that "to try" means "to succeed."

Jean isn't anymore functional than Harry as he is simply younger. Harry through entirety of the game is experiencing raining bonefire of decades of drug abuse and effects of poverty and long lasting emotional physical abuse. Meanwhile, Jean is yet to experience the crashing sun. He has 10 years to do so.

In perpetual vortex that is this sinking ship, partnership and comradery, become essentials for survival. Harry and Jean form particularly tight bond, tight enough that both can't evade speculations about their sexuality or type of relationship they have, thus "hetero-sexual life partners" are born.

I see a lot of people insisting, that those two relationship, that they had is what we can see right now in the game: partnership that feels more like a race of self destruction, while putting sticks in each other's metaphorical bicycles. To see which one falls first. But I feel this is complete controdictory to what we hear from the game:

"Trouble in paradise" - I wouldn't use those words if my two coworkers, who try to sabotage each other on the daily would finally get into all consuming fight. Though what do I know about male-centric workplace humour.

No matter, which way you choose to look at it, at the events of Disco Elysium, Jean's and Harry's relationship is at their absolute worst. Rock bottom. Maybe even beyond it, though that depends how one evaluates forgetting 44 years of your life except lost ex goes into equation. What we see is culmination of their every moment together - good and bad, which erupts into terrible earthquake.

Finally, what we see of Jean and Harry's relationship is supposed to be merely introduction, or at least was (Kurwitz pls, let me read the scripts). By small bits and pieces Luiga has decided to reveal to the public is that Jean is supposed to be one of main partners of the second game featuring The Return.

This doesn't deny Jean's role as The Jury or The Executioner in the Final Tribunal. He represents RCM's bigotry, ableism and hypocrisy of it all - a broken system of a destructive cycle - ouroboros eating it's own tail. However at the end of the day he's as much a person as any other in Elysium - full of complexity and nuance, the verdict of we simply do not have enough information of.

Finally at the end of this... I don't know what to even call this, I have no idea how one would arrive to concrete conclusion, that is either: "Jean good' or "Jean bad." All game's characters are some kind of moraly grey - this isn't a MARVEL movie or a fairy tale that people want it to be. It is a commentary of cultures that we all have grown up in. For me DE really resonates from Baltic States history and culture context, because this is all I've ever known.

[everlastingdreams]

The Weeping Monk x Fem!Reader : Forged Of Fire : Chapter 1

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Story Summary: Raised under the tiranny of your own family, and forced to steal to earn your keep, you struggle to survive. Born from a Fey mother, and a Manblood father who wanted only sons, you are forced to hide your Fey side. When you are ordered to steal from Father Carden by your half-brother, Cassian, your life spirals out of control and you find yourself at the mercy of the Weeping Monk. The life you knew changes drastically when Cassian betrays you in the cruelest of ways. A trade is made, a promise is broken, and a debt must be paid.

Chapter Title: The Group

Notes: Finally it's here! Tumblr is messing up the way the text is posted so yeah… sorry about that. I write on Reedsy but copying it here always makes it look a little wonky. There will be some tags added on later chapters, this to avoid big spoilers.

Warnings: Angst. Hurt. Trauma bonding. Intrafamily violence. Depression. Self-harm. Suicidal thoughts. Violence. Torture. Gore. Pining. Trauma. Self-Flagellation. Manipulation. Strong Language. Blood. Misogyny. PTSD. Spicy and smut parts. Slight redemption arc. Lima/Stockholm syndrom-ish. Childhood trauma.

Other warnings: Jealousy. Forbidden Love. Romance. Slow-burn Found Familly-ish. Comfort. Fluff. !SMUT and SPICE!

Word count of this fic: +250K

Chapter:  1/47

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The sun had only just risen in the sky when your half-brother, Cassian, slammed his fist against your bedchamber’s door.

His voice thundered through the wood, “Get up! Father wants to see us!”

You had jerked awake violently, hating that tone that he used far too often.

He hammered on your door again. “Did you hear me?! Get up!”

“Yes-,” You swallowed down your awakened fear to say it louder, “Yes! Coming!”

He walked away from your door, leaving you to get dressed in a haste. As always. Rest was not something that was really granted to you and Cassian enjoyed to take away what little joy’s you had in life. Needless to say, there weren’t any actually left. Your father had been married twice, his first marriage ended when Cassian’s mother died young. His second ended when your mother died after childbirth. Cassian was just two years old when you were born. Your father, Lord Aldith of Ravenwick, blamed you for the death of your mother ever since, so much so that he had refused to even tell you her name no matter how many times you had asked. And had he known that you were born with the same Feyblood as your mother after all, instead of Manblood like him, you doubted he would have bothered to keep you alive for as long as you had. He detested the Fey and you had no doubt that he made your mother hide what she was once he had her fully in his control. You had never told a soul of what you were, the only luck you had was that your markings were not visible to the eye. For a while you had believed to be normal, until you were five, then your whole world changed. It also took some time to fully understand what you were, had you not seen a description that matched you perfectly in a book once you would have never known. Secrets and lies, all of it needed to keep yourself alive, to keep yourself safe from your own family… And even then they still treated you ill.

You pulled your shirt on, wincing at the dull pain from the bruise on your arm. Closing up your bodice hurt your still healing wrist. It were common discomforts you had learned to live with. Once you had tried to run away, just once, and Aldith had send his mercenaries to find you. They had dragged you back to the village, into your home, and tossed you at your father’s feet. He didn’t need them to enact the punishment for your actions, he did that all by himself. The bruises had taken weeks to heal, and ever since that day loud noises and shouts tended to make you flinch.

You rushed to the great chamber of the large manor, the place where the Lord of the village always expected to see you when called upon. After taking a deep breath, you entered the room. Cassian was already waiting impatiently for your attendance, as was Aldith.

“What took you so long to arrive here?” Aldith asked annoyed.

Your head tilted down, eyes fixed on the floor, “I was getting dressed, father.”

There was a scoff, but thankfully he seemed to accept the excuse this time. He pointed to a place on the map that was splayed out on the table. “I am sending the both of you on another errand. The paladins have set up camp not far from here and if the rumors I’ve heard are true then there will be gold present in those tents. Go there, take what you can without being noticed. Ava and Bertram will join you on this task.”

It was true, your father had never earned his wealth in an honest way and expected his children to do as he did. No matter the risk.

“We are stealing from the Church?” It slipped from your thoughts.

Aldith glared your way. “Would you rather starve than earn your keep?”

It was a blatant threat, he was wealthy enough to feed the whole village if he wanted to. But this was your life with them, obey or suffer the consequences. Cassian grinned, clearly enjoying how you were being put in place.

“No, father.” you quietly said.

“No more questions from you then. You do what Cassian tells you to do, understood?”

“Yes, father.”

You knew better than to ask for a weapon to aid in this errand, they would never trust you with one. And you knew not to tell them how stupid you thought it was that they would risk the anger of the paladins, they didn’t care for your opinion. At least Bertram would come along, he was perhaps the closest thing to a friend you had, even if he was just being polite it was more than you were used to.

“Any questions, Cassian?” Aldith asked.

If no one had been present to see it, you would have rolled your eyes at the blatant favoritism. Of course your brother had questions about this task, and your father saw no problem in answering them.

After midday, you sat on the wagon next to Ava. Bertram was steering the wagon, following the directions Cassian was feeding him. The plan was to hide the wagon at quite a distance from the paladin camp, then continue the rest on foot and gather at the wagon again later. In case things went wrong, you were to scatter and meet at the wagon when it was safe again.

You were chewing the small piece of bread Bertram had given you before the group had left the village, was it so obvious to others that your body was growing weaker? Meals were something you had to earn according to Aldith, and it was far harder for you to earn them than it was for Cassian. You said not a word during the entire ride. Ava, a Sky Folk woman and Bertram’s sister, tried to flirt with Cassian quite often. But Cassian looked down on the Fey even if he never spoke it out loud outside the walls of your shared home. To him, Ava and Bertram were just pawns to use.

The wagon came to a halt in the forest on the spot that Cassian had chosen. The four of you got off the wagon and gathered together to walk the remaining distance. It wouldn’t take much longer than an hour and the paladin camp should be reached by the time it got dark. During the walk it became painfully obvious again how little Cassian cared to talk to you, but you didn’t mind, talking to him always ended in being affronted or threatened.

Just before the sun went down, the group reached the paladin camp. The four of you were hiding in the bushes, trying to detect weaknesses in their camp to use to your advantage. Cassian was quick to figure out which tent belonged to Father Carden. And of course, considering the risk of getting caught was the highest, he ordered you to go and steal what was there for the taking. The others picked tents that were closer to the edge of the camp. It always went like this, you were always the one having to take the most risks, because you were expendable. Often it had crossed your mind to just walk up to a paladin and tell them of what you were, to let them end your life and suffering. The only thing offering some consolation were the faint whispers in your ears whenever you thought of it, if you could even call it consolation. It was something you had never spoken a word about, these barely decipherable voices talking to you… people would learn that there was something wrong with you and treat you even worse than they already did.

“Did you hear me?” Cassian’s irritated tone pulled you from your darkening thoughts.

The flash of panic in your eyes betrayed you.

He gave your arm a rough pull. “Get over there and earn your keep!”

With a slight shove, he pushed you towards the camp. You hurried away from him, keeping yourself low and hidden behind the bushes whilst moving towards your target. You had enough experience to stay undetected on your way towards Father Carden’s tent. After waiting for a moment to see if there was anyone inside, you hurriedly made an opening in one of the tent’s walls to crawl under. Crawling over the ground wasn’t your favorite past time, it ruined your already worn down clothing further.

Father Carden’s tent wasn’t as modest as you had believed it to be, there was a large carpet inside that looked like it must have been worth quite some coin. But a carpet was too large to sneak out of the paladin camp undetected. What you were looking for was found inside a large wooden trunk. Hidden between a lot of red robes, you found a heavy ring made of gold and encrusted with red gemstones that you believed to be rubies, this would sure earn you your keep for a while. Just when you wanted to slip the ring into your pocket, the owner of it walked into the tent. Father Carden looked absolutely shocked to see you there and you used that moment to bolt out of the tent. The priest was shouting something that were undoubtedly commands to his paladins. You even ran into one of them and the paladin ended up falling as a result of the collision. It didn’t make you slow down at all, you needed to get out of there. You reached the trees by the time the whole camp seemed aware of intruders. From the corner of your eyes you saw Ava dart into the woods as well. It wasn’t the first time you were caught on one of these errands, but Father Carden and the paladins were not afraid to enact severe punishments. Fey or not, death was an acceptable measure for them. You kept running as the darkness fell over the lands, the advantage of working in a group was that it was far harder for them to catch you if there was more than one target to capture.

The noise from the shouting paladins did not reach your ears anymore after running for quite some time. You began to walk to let your legs rest but still in a fast pace, and not much later Ava found you. Together you walked in the direction of the wagon, whilst she asked you if you were able to find anything worth the trouble, you had shown her the ring in response. The wagon couldn’t be far off anymore, running would have brought you closer to it quicker than walking.

“Stop!” Ava suddenly grabbed your arm, she hushed you when you tried to ask why. She gestured to let you know she had heard something.

You held your breath. She drew her sword. You envied that she had a weapon to defend herself. Another sound came and she spun around, it had come out of the other direction.

“It’s an animal?” She whispered doubtful.

A branch snapped and made you turn to the sound. The voices in your head were growing louder the more you panicked, something in you told you to run but what direction was safe?

It was Ava who made the decision. “We need to run. NOW!”

She followed her own advice right away and you followed her without questioning it. You could tell that she was running in the direction where the wagon was waiting, was she hoping to find the others there to help? That hope was cut short when the sound of a galloping horse gave chase not far behind you. Like a shadow chasing the two of you, the horse closed in, it was terrifying.

“Ava! Look out!” you tried to warn her.

She barely had enough time to throw herself out of the way of the horse’s path. Both of you hit the ground hard. The horse’s rider swiftly dismounted, the sound of steel being drawn made Ava get to her feet immediately. She barely had enough time to ward off the sword lashing out at her. Fear engulfed you both when you realized who the enemy was that you were facing. Father Carden’s most loyal soldier, the Weeping Monk.

Ava did her best to stand her ground but she ended up falling. You prevented him from being able to deliver the killing blow to her by running up to him and grabbing his arm, halting his movements.

“Leave her alone!” It was a rare thing to hear your voice be so loud.

He had thrown you on the ground so fast you didn’t even understand how he’d done it. And still it didn’t stop you from trying to stop him long enough for Ava to get on her feet again. You grabbed hold on his leg, he pulled free just as Ava attacked him. And then she was bleeding, his sword had cut through her sleeve and wounded her. The voice of Bertram rang from close-by, he ran to come to his sister’s aid.

You crawled backwards, away from the fight that ensued. In the darkness it was hard to focus your eyes on the Monk, his dark attire worked to his advantage. It all happened so ridiculously fast. The Monk fought brutally elegant, as if he was the personification of death itself. Bertram hit the ground after being struck by the Monk’s elbow. Ava barely kept her footing against him. You tried to help Bertram back to his feet. And then from the corner of your eyes you saw Cassian, with a rock in his hand.

Cassian struck the Monk just once against the back of the head and neutralized the threat you had been fighting. The Monk was unconscious by the time he hit the ground hard. Everyone was shaking at the sight of him, even then they still feared him as if he was a vengeful spirit that would come to haunt them for this. Cassian cursed and dropped the rock. Bertram was still holding your shoulder for support. Ava held her wounded arm.

“How the hell did he find us?!” Ava questioned out loud, voice shaking.

“The bastard is know for tracking down Fey.” Cassian said irritated, glancing at both of the Sky Folks.

Questions were fired back and forward between them, but their voices faded out in your ears. You were transfixed on the Monk’s face, on the marks he bore beneath his eyes, and understood why they called him the ‘Weeping’ Monk. You couldn’t believe the terrible truth it revealed to you. He was Fey. Cassian was saying something about tying the Monk up, it brought your attention back to the group.

“He’s too dangerous.” Bertram protested.

Cassian would not hear any reasoning. “He’s worth a lot of coin to the many he has crossed. This is the chance of a lifetime, we are doing this. Ava, fetch the wagon. My father will reward us all royally for this.”

Ava was angry with the decision but did as he asked, she was far too eager to win his affection, it would be a while before she would reach the wagon and return with it.

“Get that rope from his horse’s saddle!” Cassian barked the command to you.

This plan was insane. The Monk was far too dangerous to be kept as a captive, but Cassian saw no risks, he only saw the mountain of coins he’d get for the Monk. You approached the horse and the stallion turned his head to you right away, you patted the beautiful creature’s neck and took the rope from the saddle. Bertram met you halfway, so you wouldn’t have to get too close to Cassian, and took the rope. He used it to help Cassian tie the Monk up and to a tree. Your hands were sweating from anxiousness. This was perhaps the worst idea Cassian had ever had and you could only pray that it wouldn’t backfire on everyone involved.

Taglist:

@ourlazydetectivekitten​​ @the-great-adventures-of-me​ @linkpk88​​  @fxrchxldws​​  @elenaoftheturks​​ @slytherlight​​ @beananacake​​    @crystallizedtime​​  @moonlightaura03​​  @angrygardendeer​​  @have-aheart​​   @5am-cigarette​​ @arcanenature​​  @thewinterskywalker​​ @notyourwildestdream​​ @coloursforyourportrait​​ @koressecretidentity​​ @nike90​​ @n1ghtlux​​ @rachlovesactors​​ @luckyzipperscissorsbat​​ @morena-doing-stuff​​  @the-fangirl-diaries​​ @gipsydanger17​​ @heavenly1927​​  @phantasmalbeiing  @labyrinthonmymind  @asarcastic-thiamstan​​  @rainyv-skies @kissingandromeda @stclairesplace @​​katjusja @isla-bell-blog @beebeerockknot @sahvlren

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist of this story. Using this old list from the previous fic.

[peachhcs]

https://www.tumblr.com/peachhcs/768160196490117120/need-to-know-if-sammy-ever-finds-out-about-what

lowkey want sammy to go off and kevin and break up with him and make sure he deletes the video

part 4! keep in mind that in the other wonder years fics + the fics before will and samy get together that samy genuinely doesn’t know how she feel and doesn’t really figure it out until her and will go to her senior prom together — just to clear up if there’s any confusion about that!

i also totally made this way too long at 2.3k words OOPS but enjoy!! lowkey also gave kevin a small redemption arc bc it just kind of came out as i was writing lmao

au masterlist | previous part

the things will told samy replayed in her mind on a loop like a broken record. she tossed and turned all night thinking about how kevin literally punched one of her best friends all because will tried standing up for her when kevin's friends started saying shitty things. she had an idea of what was being said because she's heard it a few times before in passing and rumors circulating around the school. usually, those things would just roll off her back, mainly because her brothers taught her to not let that type of thing mess with you too much. 

and that's what samy did. she always thought tyler was a gross person anyway because of how he was always trying to hook up with a new girl each weekend. the thing that was bugging samy the most was kevin and will getting into a fight over her. their relationship had been a bit tense the past month. kevin kept saying things and samy kept trying to ignore him and denying all of it, but now she wasn't so sure anymore after finding out him and will fought about the one thing that's been making her and kevin's relationship so strained. 

"bye guys!" samy exclaimed as she walked the guys out. all of them plus marcie and kevin just finished their semi-bi-weekly friday moving night. it was kevin's first time being invited after him and samy had been talking for awhile. she was excited for him to start bonding with the people she was so close with. 

once everyone was out of sight, samy trailed back into the living room where kevin was. the boy smiled a bit, opening his arm up as samy sat back down next to him. the warmth of the blankets returned after standing in the doorway for so long. 

"so, what did you think?" she asked nervous but excitedly. 

"they were cool," kevin nodded. 

"i think they liked you, too. hopefully we can all hang out again soon, or you can come with me to some of their games," the youngest hughes grinned as she squeezed kevin's arm a bit tighter. 

"yeah, for sure. you know, i had no idea you and will grew up together," the boy hummed, his tone a bit too light to pick up on any envy yet. 

"oh, yeah. we go way back. i've known will since we were babies. he's one of my best friends now," samy grinned and she missed the way kevin's jaw clenched listening to her say that. 

"yeah, you two are really close," this time the envy did slip out through his tone. samy caught wind of it and snapped her gaze in his direction. 

"what? are you jealous or something?" she laughed a bit, tugging on his arm and still trying to find amusement in it. 

"should i be?" his green eyes pierced into her skin and samy slowly understood he was being serious. she dropped his arm. 

"no? we've been best friends our whole lives. i've never even seen him that way," the soccer player couldn't even begin to think of will as something other than a friend and she was confused on where this idea was coming from. 

"you better tell him and everyone else that," kevin muttered. 

"oh, come on, kev. our friends have been teasing us about this since they met us. it's just a joke. we've never even done anything. he's like a brother to me," samy continued laughing in hopes to ease up some of the tension building. although, she did fail to mention how her and will kissed in her bathroom back in april and how something in her hadn't been the same since. 

"i'm just saying, hughes. guys can tell and guys can feel when there's other feelings going on," with that, kevin looked at his phone and stood up. "i gotta get going anyway. mom wants me back home." 

samy didn't have anything else to say. the thoughts in her mind were confusing her along with her and will's kiss from april and then again at the beginning of the school year. those were all just for fun though, right? she made it clear she was joking and will did too. it wasn't even serious. 

"see you later," kevin mumbled before leaving out of the same door everyone else left from ten minutes ago. 

since then, samy and kevin kept getting in little tiffs about what was going on between her and will. something would happen that would set the brunette off and he'd bring it up after the fact. samy would just deny it all and tell him he was overthinking it—because it was true. right? there was nothing going on between her and will. 

there never would be. 

but then there was homecoming. the night samy and kevin went public with their new relationship and the night samy started wondering if things really were changing. 

she kept noticing the way will took every chance he got to look at her. his eyes were quite literally glued to her and it sent a funny, but good feeling through samy's chest. she kind of liked the way he was looking at her. and then when the guys jumped in for a few photos, she felt the tight grip will had on her waist and how close he was to her and she also saw the way kevin looked like he wanted to snap will's head off from where he stood off to the side. 

and that's when samy started wondering if there was something more there and maybe kevin was right. 

but he couldn't be. she didn't like will. he didn't like her. they were friends. nothing more, nothing less. 

ryan mentioned something to her that night after she got back. they didn't really talk about it, but he hinted something and she understood what he was trying to say. still though, samy chose to firmly believe that there was nothing going on between her and will. 

the youngest hughes was at kevin's house the next day. she knocked a good three times on his front door and then crossed her arms waiting for him to come out. there were heavy footsteps before the door swung open. kevin paused in the entryway, surprised to see samy on his porch.

"oh, hey. i didn't know you were coming over," he smiled a bit, but his smile disappeared when she didn't reciprocate it. 

"we need to talk."

kevin glanced around like there were other people around, but when he only saw samy, he slowly shut his door and stepped onto the porch with her. 

"okay," the two sat down on the bench his mom had outside. samy knew kevin probably had an idea about what she was gonna say, so she decided to just rip the bandaid off and stop beating around the bush.

"i know you punched will the other night at the game," she began. 

the boy's eyes narrowed and then he jumped up like he was gonna take another swing, "did he tell you that? i'm gonna fucking—"

samy grabbed his arm to bring him back to reality, "i was gonna find out sooner or later, kevin. you really thought hiding that from me was gonna work?" she sneered. 

"who the fuck told you?" he snapped back. 

"why does it even matter who told me? why the fuck did you punch him? if you didn't want him standing up for me, you should've done it first," the girl snapped right back at him. kevin's face twisted.

"well in case you wanted to know, he did confirm he liked you because he'd fuck you too if he had the chance," the brunette grumbled and hearing that made samy's insides twist but not in a bad way. 

"so what? that gave you the excuse to punch him?" 

"it confirmed what i've known all along and what you've kept denying since we got together," the boy pulled his arm away. 

"you could've seriously hurt him, kevin. i don't care how you feel, you don't fucking punch someone because they aren't making you happy. would you punch me?" the soccer player stood up so they were face to face. 

"he punched me back just so you know. he actually tackled me to the ground if that makes any difference."

"why are you so obsessed with this? why not just break up with me if you think i like him?" they were going in circles at this point. 

"because i wanna keep thinking that i'm wrong and there's nothing between you two. i wanna believe you like me. you keep fucking denying it so i'm choosing to believe you, but every time i'm around you guys i'm told otherwise. why can't you just fucking admit it to yourself, samy? why can't you admit to me that you like him?" now kevin was just pleading for some honesty and as much as samy was supposed to hate him right now, his words stung. 

"because i don't like him! i've never liked him!" she yelled at him. 

"there it is again. you're lying. i know you're lying. i can see it in your eyes. your tell is that you get defensive when you're lying," kevin pointed his finger right in her face which she pushed away. 

"well maybe it's because he's my best friend and has been my best friend since we were kids and i'm just so terrified to lose that! and maybe i just kept making myself belief he didn't like me because then it would save all of us so much hurt in the long run because dating your best friend always goes bad. have you ever liked someone that's so close to you that it just scares you more than anything because you don't wanna do anything that will put you into a position to lose them? i like you, kevin. that was never fake. i think it just..i just tried pushing away other feelings too in the process and it didn't end well," everything all just spilled out and samy dropped back down to the bench while hiding her face in her hands. 

a beat of silence passed between the two before kevin sunk back onto the bench next to her. he hesitated for a second, wondering if it would be the right movie, but ultimately placing his hand on her back. 

"shit, i'm sorry. i-i didn't mean to.." 

"no, i'm sorry. i shouldn't have snapped. i shouldn't have punched will. i shouldn't have done a lot of things," kevin shook his head. "if the feelings were really real, then hurting one another wouldn't be a question. i know it's scary, but i don't think you guys would put one another into a position to lose the other." 

"i don't even really know how i feel, but all i know is that i don't wanna lose will just because of some stupid feelings. i also don't wanna lose you either, but i just don't think we work in a relationship. i think i just need to be by myself before i even think about a serious relationship," she met the boy's gaze. it was sad, but he slowly nodded. 

"i get it, really. friend then?" the boy wondered and samy nodded. she hugged his side. 

"just a few things. don't punch my friends ever again, okay? and can you please delete that video?" 

"yes and yes. i promise i won't. i'm sorry i did," kevin sighed as he pulled his phone out so samy could watch him delete the video.

"i'm not the one who needs to hear that apology," she watched as he found it in his camera roll and pressed delete and then went to recently deleted to permanently delete. 

"yeah, i know. i doubt will would wanna hear me out though," kevin and samy exchanged a glance. 

"if i talk to him, do you promise to apologize to him?" the girl asked and kevin nodded. 

—

kevin caught will a few days later at a community soccer game samy was playing in with her club team. the blonde caught kevin coming towards them, his face twisting a bit but the brunette raised his arms as a surrender.

"i'm not here to punch you again if that's what you're wondering," the brunette mumbled.

"if you're here to start anything you better turn back around right now," ryan cut in because he did not want to deal with another fight. 

"i'm not, i swear. i was hoping will and i could talk?" kevin looked over at the blonde who stared at him for a good five seconds before slowly nodding.

"yeah, sure," will said and the two walked a bit out of earshot. 

"first, i wanna say i'm sorry for punching you. it was uncalled for and i shouldn't have done that, so i'm sorry. second, the video is completely gone, so you don't have to worry about that anymore," kevin explained and apologized. 

"i guess i shouldn't have punched back either," will nodded.

"can we just call it even? samy and i aren't together anymore so you don't have to worry about that anymore," the brunette stared at their shoes. 

"i'm sorry you guys broke up," the hockey player rocked on his heels and kevin just shrugged. 

"it's whatever. we're still friends and it's not weird or anything. we're good though?" kevin held his hand out as a truce. will stared at it before shaking it and the boys patted one another's backs.

"sorry again, will. thanks for talking," the blonde nodded and the two finally parted ways. will went back over to ryan and gabe who were curiously listening in. 

"what was that about? gabe wondered. 

"just..apologizing for real. i guess him and samy really did breakup," will explained and he watched his friends' gazes widen in surprise.

"oh shit. i didn't think she was actually serious," ryan mumbled.

"yeah, i guess. at least we don't have to deal with him anymore," the blonde shrugged a bit.

they were right though. kevin wasn't an issue for the rest of the year which meant samy and will were left to figure out what really was going on between them and how long samy could keep denying the feelings she had anytime her best friend was around.

[regency-monster-love]

Part 7 of Colin and Susannah | Master post

Male werewolf x female human | Regency era | NSFW: hand jobs, semi-public sex (not caught), references to knotting, references to biting (vague)

Colin and Susannah's wedding date was fast approaching, and there was an important matter for them to discuss before then. Colin had gotten his pack's assistance once again to distract her parents and let him steal her away for a few minutes of privacy to talk. They were sitting together in the same study where he had proposed, the door closed.

He picked up his fiancé's hand. “You have heard me say that we are mates. Do you know what that entails?” he asked carefully.

She gazed into his golden eyes. They always seemed to have a faint glow to them, but at times their light burned with more intensity, as they were now. It always set off a fluttery sort of warmth within her when his eyes looked like this. She swallowed. “Well. I know it's a sort of bond that some werewolves share with their spouses, but not all.”

He nodded. “That's right. The bond can only form if both parties feel love for each other.”

She smiled softly. “Like you and I.”

His eyes warmed with his own smile. “Yes, butterfly.” 

“Even if only one of us is a werewolf?”

“Even so.” He paused. “But love is not enough. There is something else that must occur to fully bond a pair as mates.”

Her brows lifted, curious and waiting for him to tell her. He shifted slightly closer to her on the settee.

“The soul connection of a mated pair must be expressed as a bodily connection as well,” he said slowly, keeping his eyes fixed on her face for her reaction. “They—we—would need to lie together as a husband and wife do, and we would need to bite each other. And I would be in my wolf form while this occurs.”

Her eyebrows had climbed even higher. “Oh. I see,” was all she said.

He smelt no fear coming off her, but could not read her expression. “Would you…permit that?”

“I think I…would like it,” she admitted.

The werewolf felt a rush of relief—and then the scent of her desire hit him. She truly would like it—the thought alone was arousing her! The knowledge of that aroused him as well, and he pressed himself even closer to her. “Do you know how we will lie together? What I will do to you?”

His voice had become hoarser, his gaze more piercing, and both somehow contributed to the increasing agitation she felt in the pit of her belly. “I know the generalities, at least for humans,” she said, and was surprised to hear that her own voice sounded more hoarse as well.

“It is not very different for werewolves.” He pressed his hand onto a bulge at the front of his trousers. “This part of me will fit into your body—”

“Here.” She finished his sentence and pressed her hand between her own legs, grown bold by his words, his voice, and that alluring fire in his eyes. A jolt of pleasure met the touch of her hand, and she wriggled her hips in an unconscious effort to induce even more.

He groaned watching her. “Yes, in your quim. I'll stick my cock in your quim.”

His vulgar bluntness increased her desire further. “Oh Colin,” she whimpered.

He threw his arms around her shoulders to pull her close. “May I kiss you?”

“Yes,” she breathed, and he dropped his head to angle his mouth against hers and kiss his mate for the first time in his life.

The sensation of the kiss enlivened him. It was like the feeling of transforming on a full moon, a feeling of release and rightness, of becoming something closer to whole. His instincts told him what else to do to truly become whole—mount her, knot her, bite her—but for now, this was already so much more alive than he'd ever felt before.

Susannah was perhaps even more overwhelmed than he, for just a minute ago she had never kissed anyone, and now she was feeling her mate's tongue sweeping against hers, his large hands running over her back and arms, his thigh pressed against her's, all of it unfamiliar and stunning.

Colin's kisses drifted lower, and when he reached the spot where her neck met her shoulder, her breath caught at the burst of pleasure his lips set off there. “This is where I will bite you,” Colin rasped against her skin, mouthing at the sensitive spot with just the faintest scrape of his wicked teeth. She gasped and twisted in his arms, mindlessly torn between wanting to get away from the overwhelming pleasure and wanting more of it.

“I can smell your desire. You're wet,” Colin said in a dark tone that seemed to rumble down her spine to settle between her hips with a pulsing heat that obliterated any mortification she might have felt from his words. Perhaps the mating bond was making her mad as well, but if it was, she did not care.

“Yes. Please,” she pleaded, knowing she needed something more or she should burst.

“You need never beg for me, darling mate,” he purred, and tugged up one side of her skirts, before his hand disappeared underneath.

He found where she was wet, swirling his fingertips through it, making her moan at the riotous sensations it set off in her body. One of his fingers dipped, feeling as though it was starting to sink into her, but he went no further, merely held it at her entrance while his thumb flicked against the sensitive bud at the top of her slit, making her throb with want.

“There is one more thing I will do to seal our mating bond,” he murmured in her ear. “I will spill my seed in your cunt, then knot you to lock it inside.”

“Knot me?” she hiccuped, nearly at her peak already from his decadent caresses and lewd language.

“A bulge at the base of my cock. Can I show you?”

“Yes, show me,” she pleaded.

He groaned in approval at her eagerness and quickly freed his cock from his trousers, watching Susannah's eyes widen as she stared down at it, and breathing in the scent of her arousal that had surged. But a hint of fear prickled at the edges of it now as well. “It's too big, isn’t it?” she asked.

“No, butterfly,” he cooed, caressing her folds soothingly. “You're my mate, built to take me.” No need to tell her that it would be even larger when he was a wolf. His hand cupped his knot, which also wasn’t at its full size; that wouldn’t happen until it was inside her. “You'll be able to take my knot as well. I'll fill you perfectly, mate.”

“Can I touch it?”

“Please.” Her touch was tentative at first, but he showed her how to pump him, restoring her eager lust, and soon both of them were feverishly stroking each other while they kissed deeply once more. Colin could scarcely believe how good Susannah's warm, wet cunt felt on his fingers, and imagined how much better it was going to be to sink his cock into that same slick heat. It made his knot throb and swell just to think of it.

“We will be so close when we are knotted, Susannah,” he panted. “It will tie our bodies together for some time. Can you imagine that? Having me joined with you, unable to separate, fully being one?”

“Yes,” she moaned, squeezing his cock tighter in her fist, “I want that!”

“Soon, butterfly. Soon I'll mate you the way you need.” He mouthed at that spot on her neck again, relishing the way it made her shudder and gush onto his hand. “You need me, don't you, little mate? Need this cock inside you, need my teeth in your flesh?”

“Oh God, Colin, yes, yes!” she sobbed. “Need your cock and your bite!”

“Oh fuck,” he growled. It took all his restraint not to pull her onto his cock this instant. It was aching to be buried in her, red and angry and throbbing with primal need.

He plunged a finger inside her instead, making her cry out, before she bit down on her lip and darted her widened eyes toward the door. But even though there was an undercurrent of fear in her scent at that moment, the spice of her arousal had thickened to an even greater degree.

Colin pumped his finger in and out of her cunt and gave her a wicked smile. “It excites you, the possibility that we will be caught doing this.”

She only whimpered in response. What was wrong with her, that something so perverse and dangerous should excite her? But she could not deny that it did, most ardently. That thrill, combined with the movements of Colin's clever fingers on and in her, were rushing her towards a shining precipice of ecstasy, and then suddenly, something burst inside her and she soared over that peak, clutching tight to Colin as she fell through the air as though weightless. She had no idea if she made any sound, because Colin’s mouth was on hers again, his tongue undulating like the waves in her cunt.

Her climax was intoxicating to him. He wanted to drink up her pleasure, swallow every wanton cry she made into his own throat to relish, let her scent seep in and saturate every cell of his body so it would become a part of him. Her hands still moved against him, one rubbing his knot while the other tugged on his shaft, the rhythm faltering and jerky now, but the touch still heated, and before he could warn her, his own climax ripped into him. He moaned into her mouth as his seed barreled up his cock and shot from its tip, covering his human’s sweet little hands in its creamy whiteness.

They slumped against each other, panting for a few moments while they recovered. Colin huffed out a short laughing sort of breath. “This was not my intention in getting you alone, I assure you,” he told her.

She smiled. “I would not blame you if it was, for it was most agreeable.” Then she flushed, suddenly conscious of how improper this all had been, especially for her. “You do not think less of me when I say I enjoyed it, do you?”

“Of course not! I am delighted to know that my mate enjoys my touch.” He stroked his wet fingers over the inside of her thigh, making her shiver, then withdrew his hand. “I am already desirous of giving you even more of it. But we have been away too long as it is. Your parents will notice you are gone.”

They quickly cleaned up as best they could, then Colin sent Susannah out ahead of them, to not arouse suspicion by returning together. He did not tell her that it was only her parents’ suspicion they could avoid, because every werewolf out there would smell what they had done together. He did not want to embarrass her with that knowledge.

When he returned to the drawing room by himself, a couple minutes after Susannah, she was speaking to her parents as if nothing had happened, and did not even look at him. But his packmates shot him secret smirks thanks to the story that his scent, and hers, clearly told them. He didn't mind it. He was proud to have Susannah's scent clinging to him, and his on her, telling everyone that she was claimed, that she was his mate.

Or, at least, very nearly so. Mount her, knot her, bite her. Then she would fully be his. At last.

~ 🐺🎩 ~

End of part 7 of Colin and Susannah

Read all of my Regency monster ficlets and snippets at the tag #my writing.

[lillaydee]

The Arrangement Epilogue

Frontier! Joel Miller / Reader

Your life crumbled to nothing during a migration to Jackson, forcing you to agree to an arrangement just to survive.

NOTE: Possible inaccuracies in baby developments, food intake and inheritance or ownership laws coming. I really know nothing, but I needed to put some stuff in for the sake of the story line, so please forgive me and take everything in the spirit of storytelling yeah?

WARNINGS: Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel Bonding (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Joel Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (The Last of Us), Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Fluff and Angst, Frontier Joel, Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Virgin Joel, Virgin Reader, Minor Character Death, Period-typical Misogyny, Marriage of Convenience

SERIES MASTERLIST

Joel locked his front door, a bit grumpy that he had to be up this early. Ever since he started working with his father when he turned 16 last week, he had been given the very unwanted task of feeding the animals first thing in the morning, which, as far as ranch life was concerned, was the God-awful five in the morning. He felt as if he had just fallen asleep, and here he was, walking over to the family ranch with his eyes hardly opened.

Part 11

OK SO I HAVE ZERO SELF CONTROL SO IMMA JUST UPLOAD THE EPILOGUE TODAY TOO. HOPE YOU LIKE IT. TQ SO MUCH FOR READING! 🥰🥰🥰

---

The family had stayed up late last night, and he didn’t want to leave early just to catch his unfortunate, usual bedtime. It was a special event, after all.

Fifty years. That’s how long his namesake, his Pops and beloved Nana had been together. And it was hard not to feel jealous of them. They were still so very much in love. For as long as he remembered, it was rare to see one of them without the other. Pops was never an idle man, always working on something or other, and Nana was always right there, keeping him company, a project always in her hands for the grandchildren or the business. They were always talking and laughing, hands on each other at all times, giggling like teenagers in love. How a couple could go fifty years without running out of things to talk about, he never knew. But he would love to find out one day.

Considering the amount of times he heard Pops tell the same story over and over again, he was shocked to find out that he had never told anyone the story of how he and Nana had met and married in the first place. He was saving this story for their fiftieth anniversary, he had told everyone during his speech last night, the room filled with the original Millers, children and grandchildren, and family friends.

Everyone listened intently, this old man telling his family how he came to meet the love of his life, his very reason for living, his eyes full of love for her, full of nostalgia and happy memories with her.

“Thank you for a wonderful fifty years, darling, I am the luckiest man alive. My heart beats only for you, my dear. I love you so much.” He then took Nana by the hand and kissed her lovingly.

The whole room was silent. There was not a dry eye in the room. Great Uncles Will, Tommy and Benny and Great Aunts Liv, Maria and Diana were the only ones who knew the story, and even they were teary. Shockingly, not even Great Uncle Max and Great Aunt Tess knew this, despite the fact that they had all been friends for fifty years. Heck, they were the unofficial Millers.

Aunt Ellie, despite knowing she was adopted and was there from the beginning, apparently didn’t know this either. She and Aunt Sarah were inconsolable, sitting in their brother, his father’s arms while the story was being told. His father was wiping tears off his cheek, touched by his parents’ love story. The siblings went over and hugged their parents, crying into their shoulders, thanking them for being the greatest parents anyone could hope for.

If he was ever lucky enough to fall in love one day, Joel hoped he would have a story like that to tell too. And that, in his mind, was a tough one to beat.

He walked quickly in the early spring morning, wanting to get the job done as quickly as possible. Nana had promised him breakfast today. And he was never going to say no to that. He walked past the office and workshop for the tailoring business that Nana and Great Aunt Maria started, Miller Tailoring, which Aunt Sarah and Aunt Lucy, along with Aunt Ellie’s partner, Aunt Dina, now ran. Right next door was Miller’s Constructions, the business his Pops and Great Uncles started. Aunt Ellie ran it now, some of his male cousins working under her. To no one’s surprise, she was the only child from the first generation of the original Millers who had taken to carpentry and building, despite everyone being roped in for the work in the beginning. She really was her Papa’s daughter.

Joel had the option of working for either business, as everyone in the family did, but he knew squat about tailoring, taking almost ten minutes to thread a needle, and successfully crushed his thumb the first time he tried to hammer a nail in place. So here he was, headed for the ranch, which his father and Uncle Danny ran together at this ungodly hour to earn his place in the family business. Everyone starts from the bottom of the barrel, Pops had said, even family. 

Pops, Nana and the great aunts and uncles were all retired now, reaping the benefits of their hard work during their youth. Apparently, the lands began as a combined less than half an acre between the four families. They had expanded to over 70, and there were talks of expanding further.

Joel hurried, the morning chill that still came with early spring starting to get to him. He quickly did his tasks, some of the ranch hands already there, making sure he performed them up to standards. By the time he finished, the sun was up, and he quickly ran to his Pops and Nana’s to get that promised breakfast, always a treat. He needed it for the rest of his work day, after all.

He and his cousins loved their grandparents. Loved the advantage of living in close quarters with everyone. Pops and Nana’s house was basically sanctuary. No one could be harmed if they were there. Hugs from Nana were the best, her beef and vegetable stew even better.

Aunt Ellie, Aunt Sarah and his Mama all learned how to make that stew, but none of them could quite get it to taste exactly like Nanas. If he was lucky, he could have whatever’s left of that delicious stew she made for Pops last night for breakfast, that is, if Pops hadn’t devoured all of it himself after everyone left. It was his favourite meal, despite the unfortunate event that was the stew’s first try, which left everyone howling last night. Pops claimed it was delicious, to which Great Aunt Maria answered with a quick “Heck no it wasn’t,” to a roar of laughter from everyone. Pops then told everyone that he would eat it every day if it meant staying married to Nana, earning him a kiss from her. She still blushed every time they kissed. It really was the sweetest thing to behold.

Sometimes, they stayed over just to hear Nana read to Pops, his head in her lap, her hand scratching his head absentmindedly. He knew Pops could read. He distinctly remembered him reading contracts and newspapers. Apparently he could not read very well when they first married, and the habit of listening to her read to him stuck. And after all these years, they still kept that tradition alive, even if the grandchildren joined in. But Pops always had one restriction for these sessions - her lap was for his use only, much to his grandchildren’s chagrin. Greedy, greedy, greedy.

When he approached, the house was still dark. He knocked on the front door, placing the jars of fresh milk he had brought for them on the bench that supposedly no one was allowed to use ever, it was their special bench, that and the swing overlooking the land. Aunt Ellie, Aunt Sarah and his father had often complained that their only times spent on that swing were back when they still couldn’t form memory, how unfair!

Weird, Joel and his cousins used to think – he and his cousins played on that swing all the time, Pops and Nana watching them happily. Maybe it’s true, parents and grandparents had different rules and standards, even if they were the exact same people.

There was no answer. He knocked again, harder this time, just for good measure. The grandchildren had always been warned again and again by their parents to knock when visiting Pops and Nana. You never knew what those two were up to behind closed doors. Apparently, the three siblings found out the hard way. What they saw still haunted them to this day.

There was still no answer, so Joel used the key everyone seemed to have and unlocked the front door. The house was quiet. It was almost seven, it was quite unthinkable that they were still asleep, even with last night’s festivities. Early birds get the worms, Pops always said.

He didn’t know why, but standing there in that familiar room, there was an unease in his heart. He ran up the stairs and frantically knocked on their bedroom door. Nothing. He knocked again, yelling for his Pops and Nana, his heart beating fast. He opened the door and rushed in.

There they were, still in bed, the framed old kerchief and lace hankerchief with their initials in the corners on the wall above their head. They were facing each other, looking so peaceful and in love. Pops holding Nana close to his chest with his right arm, his left holding her right hand between their bodies, fingers entwined, legs tangled, his lips on her forehead.

They looked like they were sleeping, but his heart was telling him otherwise.

Joel nervously went over and tried to wake his Nana, his hand jerking back as soon as he noticed how cold her skin was, as was his Pops’, his cheek wet with drying tears.

He ran out, gunning it towards the other houses, screaming for his parents, his siblings, his cousins, his aunts and uncles, great aunts and great uncles, for everyone. Everyone came out, still dressed in pyjamas, getting their housecoats to go over. Joel was inconsolable, begging for someone to help his Pops and Nana. His Uncle Marcus, the family doctor, ran ahead to their house.

Their bedroom was soon filled with heartbroken sobs. Aunts Ellie and Sarah laid on the bed with their parents, his father sitting at Pops’s feet, tears flowing out of their eyes.

Nana had left first, peacefully, in her sleep, Uncle Marcus later told everyone. Pops must have woken up to his lifeless wife, and held her close, mourning her, before his own heart gave out. His body was warmer than hers when Marcus got there, the tears on his face still drying.

“He died of a broken heart,” Aunt Sarah had tearily whispered.

No one could find reason to disagree with her.

Pops wasn’t exaggerating after all. His heart really did beat for her.

**********

They buried the beloved lovebirds in a single casket, the great uncles coming out of retirement to build their brother and sister a special one to fit them both. Aunt Ellie, Aunt Sarah and his father helped prepare their parents for burial, leaving their fingers entwined. They chose the spot where the swing stood. The one Pops had built for Nana. The two would sit there for hours in each other’s arms, looking at the view, the land it covered now part of their legacy.

Aunt Ellie played the guitar, tearfully singing the lullaby her beloved Mama used to sing for her and her siblings, and later her nieces and nephews to sleep.

The family stood in silence for a long time after the burial, remembering this couple who had devoted their lives to each other for fifty happy years, so in love with each other that they couldn’t bear to part from one another, even in death.

Their love for each other was the definition of romance. Their love story was one of fairy tales and dreams. One that was all-consuming. A love that inspires love stories, poems and songs for generations to come.

And to think it all began as a marriage of convenience.

Just an arrangement.

[winterwandersland]

Scenario Short: Echoes of Mercy Word Count: 3.1k tw/cw: fluff and humor, mild language, playful banter, mutual pining, slow burn, age difference Simon Riley x Black!Fem!Reader The Lieutenant decides to take you on a hike to get away from your usual training. (For context, this would be part of a different story and reader's last name is Abara; also, this is barely proofread)

It was almost sunset, the sun in just the right place to lay under and wait until it met with the horizon, making the sky that beautiful orange-red, with a hint of pink, that you loved so much. A while ago, you mentioned to Simon that you’d never watched a sunset before. Sure, you’ve seen the sun go down, but you've never experienced the pleasure of sitting under the blue sky, watching it shift, the birds pass, and the sun starting to hide itself behind the tree line, making the sky change colors.

You trailed slowly behind the Lieutenant as he led you higher up the trail that was a little ways away from base. Surprisingly, not many people came up here as they claimed to never have the time to do so. “Let’s go, Abara,” you hear the Lieutenant yell from ahead of you.

You were definitely intentionally dragging your feet as the kept a steady pace up the trail. “And why are you, the lieutenant of a whole ‘nother unit, taking me, a SEAL in training, on a hike alone, again,” you questioned him, just one more time. He had explained it once, but you just needed to hear it one last time to understand. “Bonding,” he blandly replied. Sometimes, you wondered if actually liked you considering his dry responses to anything you said.

“And why do we need that? We can’t do that as a group,” you inquired. They were valid questions. You weren’t necessarily complaining, but you did find it…odd. However, you were enjoying the quality time spent with the man.

“Thought you liked hiking,” he replied. His dry responses were both pushing on a nerve and also made you want to annoy him even more.

“I do…when I don’t feel like there’s a possibility that I’m about to be murdered,” you quipped. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. Isn’t this usually how the horror movies start?

“I’m not gonna murder you,” he assured. But it was in that same dry tone, so it wasn’t too convincing. “That’s what the murderer says…before they commit murder…,” you replied.

Simon understood your worry, but he just wanted to use this as an excuse to be alone with you and try to get to know you more. You’ve always caught his eye, but the only interactions he truly had with you were finding excuses to correct your form or tell you to stop chatting so you could stay ahead.

“Would you pick up the pace,” he demanded, yet his voice not sound like it would when he reprimanded the other recruits. “Nah, I’ll stay behind you. You go ahead and stay in front,” you replied, putting your safety first because this could be your last moments on Earth.

You see the rise and fall of the Lieutenant’s shoulders followed by a sigh that you could astonishingly hear from under his mask. He turns to you like a unimpressed parent and said, “You’re making this more complicated than it needs to be.”

“You’re making this scarier than it needs to be. It also doesn’t help that it rained recently and it’s becoming night time. You could easily push me, say I slipped and hit my head and everyone would believe you,” you told him. You were trying to keep everything lighthearted, but you were still being cautious.

You knew you shouldn’t be afraid of your Lieutenant, but you could never be too careful. Usually, if you were actually afraid, you’d feel that sinking in your chest and the twisted feeling in your stomach, but you didn’t feel that with him. At this point, you were just pulling his leg.

He scoffed, never inching any closer to you. “That’s a great idea. Thanks for that. I’ll think about that as we continue this hike,” he told you. He was clearly still trying to get you to continue as he turned around and began walking up the trail again.

When he heard your footsteps stop behind him, he halts and turns to you who has your hand in your hip. “So you are here to murder me,” you insisted.

“No,” he said seemingly unamused. He watched you tilt your head as if you didn’t believe him. You always reminded him of an animated character because of how expressive you were. He didn’t show it much, but it was quite entertaining for him, so he gave into your amusement.

“Maybe,” he said, changing his mind, giving more into your dramatics. Your jaw dropped, watching as he stood ahead of you, waiting until you were done with your scene.

“I’m not gonna bloody murder you,” he insisted. You crossed your arms and began walking, thought you still kept your distance because you were just so ‘scared’.

“Yea, yea. I’ll believe you when I make it back to base…in tact…no injuries…unscathed…and not out of breath from running away,” you told him.

Your insistence that he would actually murder you was quite amusing to him. He knew you didn’t believe it, but giving into the story seemed to keep you walking. He wanted to get to the top in time to get you to see the sunset, though he hadn’t told you that.

“You watch too many movies,” he told you. “And where do you think the directors get the ideas from? Real life,” you said like you just made the smartest remark of all time, a smirk going across your face.

Simon let out another sigh, continuing to walk in hopes of getting you to keep up. “We’re almost to the top, then we can break and go back to base,” he informed you.

“Mkay. I’ll stay behind you and enjoy the scenery as I go,” you told him. You loved looking over the edge, looking at all the flowers and greenery that stood beneath you. You always wished you could fly so you could see the green right in front of you instead of only from above.

“You do that,” he said, walking up the trail, though, stopping once he reaches a corner.

After admiring the surrounding nature, you caught up to the Lieutenant who was waiting just at the next peak of the trail. “Why don’t you keep walking,” you ask him.

“I need to keep you in my line of sight,” he informed you. He really just never wanted to take his eyes off of you and you looked so beautiful admiring the greenery.

“Why? So you can figure out the best time to catch me lacking?” you joked. Simon was at least ten years older than you, so sometimes there was a slight disconnect between the two of you. “Huh?”

You had to take a moment to figure out how to rephrase what you said into old people terms. “Are you trying to figure out when to kill me?”

“If that’s what you choose to believe, yes,” he said, still never changing his tone of voice, always as dry as can be.

“Hm. fun,” you said. What? Fun? That didn’t quite make sense to the Lieutenant. “Fun? Running away from a potential murderer?” he asked, becoming concerned with your mentality.

“Yea. Maybe they’ll make another Scary Movie out of it,” you replied. You definitely lost it.

“There are plenty of scary movies about running away from murderers,” he informed you. Clearly, the joke went over his head. But then, it came to your attention, he probably has no idea what you’re talking about as Scary Movie may not big popular in the U.K.

“I-uh-cultural difference,” you decided to say, not feeling like explaining anything, though now you wanted to go watch all of the Scary Movies. “What?”

“Just keep walking. I’ll be behind you,” you told him, still keeping up your murderer narrative. “Absolutely not,” you tell him.

“Then at least stay beside me and stop walking so close to the edge.” His protectiveness of you sent chills up your spine and goosebumps running all over, but you couldn’t let him know that.

You had the same mischievous look you always had whenever you decided to be a tease. “Am I scaring you, Lieutenant?”

He rolled his eyes, knowing the tricks you were trying to play. “You go dangerously close to the edge of the cliff every time you look at something,” he told you, making it clear he was very observant of your actions.

“Maybe I enjoy the thrill,” you told him.

“Enjoy the thrill on your own time. Come on,” he said, waving you on and trying to pick up the pace to get to the top of the trail. The sun was getting closer to the horizon. You were going to miss it if you kept messing around.

You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms again and started walking, this time on the right side of Simon, him being nearest to the edge of the trail. “You’re a very demanding murderer,” you tell him.

“If you say so,” he replies, now focusing on getting you to the top of the trail.

You both picked up your speed, the top of the cliff just in sight. If you wanted to, you could just make a run for it, but you were enjoying the silent quality time with the Lieutenant. He wasn’t much of a talker, but you didn’t mind. You could do the talking. You didn’t mind.

You were both so close to the top and then you came to another stop, looking at the large pile of mud that was, technically, in your way, though you could easily step over it. “What are you doing?” the Lieutenant asked, getting more anxious that the sunset would be missed.

“There’s mud,” you replied.

“Go ‘round it or step over it,” he insisted.

“I could…,” you told him, still eyeing the mud that was perfect to step in and make a mud footpath up the trail with its consistency. It wasn’t too dry or too wet. It was just right.

“Yes, and you should. Come on. It’s getting darker by the minute,” he said, his voice becoming more assertive. You still had no idea that the point of the hike was to show you the sunset. It wasn’t even an idea in your mind. “We’re nearly at the top,” you informed him.

“Exactly. We need to get there before the sun is down,” he told you, trying his best to rush you without being too demanding. You could have your fun after you saw the sunset.

“Why?” you asked him. He took a breath and hesitated to tell you why. “Because we do. Let’s go.”

You took a giant step and splashed in the mud, splattering mud over your pants and around you. “What the bloody hell are you doing? You’re getting yourself dirty,” he said, concerned with your cleanliness.

You were used to getting dirty. You liked getting dirty. Dirt was nothing to you. The shower afterwards was your favorite, as you would watch the dirt run down the stream of water and into the drain. It was refreshing and satisfying.

“And? What’s wrong with being a little dirty?” you quizzed.

You couldn’t tell if he was annoyed, but you were enjoying yourself. If he didn’t like it, he didn’t have to take you on a hike again.

“You’ve had your fun. Let’s go now,” he demanded, trying to get you to hurry up as time was ticking. Instead, you bent down, picking up a handful of mud. “What are you doing? Put that down,” he insisted. He had never seen anyone, especially your age, so willing to get themselves dirty, especially in mud.

You raised your arm and drew it back behind your head. “Abara, I’d think about your actions if I were you,” he scolded. You didn’t care. What could he do? Murder you? At least you’d die having some fun. “Oooorr what?” you teased, that devious smile going across your face. “Don’t-,” he started, but before he could finish you threw the mud, it splatting on his chest. He gave you a look and instead of being scared, you giggled.

If he was actually mad, you’d both be going back down the trail by now. It was hard to tell what his face was saying behind the mask, but if it were up to you to interpret, he was actually enjoying this. “What are you gonna do about it, Lieutenant Riley,” you teased, changing your voice as you said his name that so playfully rolled off your tongue.

“We’re moving now. Let’s go,” he insisted, turning around and walking again. As he walked, he felt another thud against his back. You weren’t actually throwing a lot of mud, Besides, it was laundry day.

Simom turned around and saw you giggling, not a fearful bone in your body, but he had to keep his serious demeanor. He couldn’t let you know he was enjoying this. “Abara,” he said.

“Riley,” you replied, mocking his tone. “This isn’t funny,” he told you. Judging by the lack of authority in his voice, much different than the tone he uses on the field, it was very funny.

“Would you stop trying to be the big ole’ mean Lieutenant and have some damn fun,” you said, throwing more mud at him. “You’re a-,” he started.

“Recruit. Yea, yea. And you’re the Lieutenant. Blah. Blah. Blah. Get that stick out your ass and smile for once. I know you have it in you. I know you have to smile sometimes behind that mask,” you say, slowly walking up to him with more mud on your hand. As you spoke, you slowly drew squiggles on his mask with the mud. If he was really upset about it, you’ll wash it for him.

He snatched the mud out of your hand, which slightly spooked you. You always had a problem with receiving the same energy as most people never reciprocated the energy you gave. “You know, they say mud,” he began as he started spreading mud on your face, “is good for your skin,” he finished.

Your eyes were closed as he spread the mud across all parts of your face, careful not to get it in your mouth, nose, eyes, or hair. Your jaw dropped, your eyes still closed. A smile drew across your face, your tongue going across your top teeth.

“Look at that. Your skin looks better already,” he commented. You stared at the ground, nodding your head and your hand on your hip. After a few moments, you looked up at him. “I’m gonna kill you,” you told him.

“Look who’s the murderer now. And you tried to say it was me,” he joked.

You quickly grabbed more muds, but he was quicker, already getting a throw in before you could grab a whole handful. The fun only lasted a few seconds before you slipped on some of the mud, almost falling off the edge. Your life flashed before your eyes, but you felt a hand on your back and before you knew it, you were against the Lieutenant’s chest, trying to catch your breath from the scare.

You looked up at him, catching his honey brown eyes behind the mask. You didn’t know if your heart was pumping from the scare or from the attraction. “How about we save the rest for when we reach the top, eye? Don’t want to make the trail too slippery for others,” he suggested.

It took some time for you to process that he was speaking to you. You were too invested in his eyes and the warmth of his touch to reply, but once you did, you just tried to play everything off like you didn’t nearly just fall in love. “Yea, sure…if I don’t kill you beforehand,” you said.

“In that case, go ahead and walk in the front. You can’t be trusted,” he replied, playfully pushing you in front of him and following your lead to the type. You started laughing and it brought joy to his ears as he watched your muddy footprints trail up the path.

You reached the top and were immediately amazed. You both were just in time. “Oh my gosh. Look at the sunset. It’s so beautiful,” you awed. Simon hadn’t looked at the sky, yet, before commenting, “Yea, it is,” he said, though his eyes were fixed on you.

“You’re not even looking,” you said, taking your hand and turning his head to face the sky. “Look at it. Isn’t it the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?” you asked him, not realizing he still wasn’t really paying attention to the sky. “Second most,” he said.

You turned towards him, surprised, because this sight was definitely number one on your list. “Oh, really? What’s the first?”

You, he thought. “I’ve seen a lot of beauty in my lifetime,” he told you.

“Okay…that doesn’t answer my question,” you said, wanting to know what could be more beautiful than this sunset:

“I’ll have to show you one day,” he said. So, he doesn’t hate you. Which also meant he would take you on another hike one day. “Show me what?” you asked.

“What number one on my list is,” he answered. Little did you know, all you needed to do was go to a mirror and stand in front of it.

“All your years in the service…you must’ve seen the aurora borealis or something. Is that what your number one is?” Not quite, but he’d love to take you to see that, too. “It is close, but could never be number one,” he answered. You were clueless and he didn’t know how you could be.

“Well, Lieutenant Riley, I hope to see whatever it is you saw that you believe could be more beautiful than this,” you say, averting your gaze back to the sunset.

“You will,” he mumbled.

After some time, the sunset was fading and it was becoming darker. “Hm. We should probably get going before someone really thinks you murdered me,” you joked.

“Or you murdered me,” he insisted. You giggled as you responded, “I’m not going to murder you.”

“That’s what the murderer always says,” he said, repeating what you said to him just an hour before. “Come here,” he said, whipping out a towel.

You inched towards him and his gently cupped your face with one hand and used to other to wipe the mud off your face, turning the once white towel brown.

His closeness made your heart flutter and you didn’t quite know what to do with yourself.

When he finished, you playfully shoved him, him stumbling, surprised at your strength. “Race you to base,” you said.

“I’m not-,” he started, but before he could finish, you were already on your way down the trail as he watched your footprints go down. As fast as you were going, he really hoped you didn’t actually slip and fall because he really wouldn’t know how to explain that he didn’t push you.

But most importantly, he hoped he’d be able to take you to see the aurora borealis one day so you can see how its beauty could never compare to you.

[donnerpartyofone]

I just found out that this friend of mine's dog died, which is terrible on multiple levels. On the one hand I'm feeling extremely cowardly because I'm so out of gas that I'm having a hard time even talking about actual-good news with anyone, I'm struggling to figure out how to support other people right now, something I really need to work out. And I have to say that this particular friend can be extremely draining on the best of days; I guess that's a terrible thing to say but she needs a LOT of attention and reassurance and i-love-you's (even if you don't know her too well) and if you let the conversation go too long she'll figure out how to assign you the role of savior in some area of her life. So, since I'm so destroyed at the moment, and I'm a bit of a wuss about extreme emotional outpourings in general, and this specific person requires a lot of energy in any case...I don't know I'm just trying to figure out how to not be a total flake with her. I'm sure she's really suffering.

But there's a part 2 to all this, which is that she serially owns ONLY Boston terriers, and every single one of them has died a tragic, expensive death just because they are so deformed and inbred and naturally weak. I forget how the first (?) one went, but the last one had some insane brain problem, this one has been having regular surgery its whole life for respiratory problems, which were almost certainly compounded by the fact that she cuts hair professionally right where they both live. And part of me feels like someone really needs to have an intervention with her about these dogs, whose lives are full of suffering just because of what they are, and then their suffering becomes enormously expensive and heartbreaking for her, and the result is just exactly the same every time. She made an effort one time, years ago, to actually adopt a mutt, and she simply could not bond with him because he wasn't a Boston terrier. She was constantly making these passive aggressive, disparaging remarks about how he had a proper snout -- it was honestly like listening to a guy trying to convince himself that he can maybe, if he squints, learn to love a flat-chested woman, if he really tries. Eventually she found some excuse to give him back. I don't know what she's going to do, she's completely psychologically dependent on owning Boston terriers, and it always ruins her life and drains her bank account when they inevitably, violently implode.

[kaoskuantico]

In case someone hasn’t seen Act III yet, ARCANE ACT III SPOILERS

Mirroring my previous post about things I hated about Season 2 (click), I'll write another list with the things I LIKED

The art, animation, soundtrack...I think we can all agree Arcane created a before and after in the Animation industry and artists all over the world (although I only liked Ashes and Blood, Isha's song and Remember Me. The rest are a bit meh for me)

Jinx realizing she can be a good person when she met Isha. And she almost realized she doesn't have to choose between Powder and Jinx personas, she's both.

Sevika bonding with Jinx, both of them mourning Silco and getting to work together. Jinx making a whole new arm for her, basically.

Vi realizing Jinx has good in her when she saw how Jinx treated Isha.

Ekko stopping Jinx from killing herself five times and being patient with her.

I don't like Timebomb, but the dance scene being at 4 fps representing Ekko's ability to rewind time 4 seconds was on top.

Ekko not even hesitating to find the way back home, choosing to leave this perfect life and timeline behind.

The pianist who went to the war. He wasn't made for this, but he chose to be there.

Loris leaving Vi when she pushed him away. Loris tried to help her, but she refused it, so he had to leave for his own good.

That Jinx's follower who first touched her shoulder in prison, dying just like that during the attack. I liked how they showed people were dying without it being spectacular, they're just gone.

Vi trusting in Jinx when Vander/Warwick found them in the mines and was berserk. Vi chose to hug him instead of fighting, as she has always done with every conflict.

Jinx's first action when she found out Vander is alive being to look for her sister and find him together, not wanting to commit the same mistake.

Jinx being unable to shoot Vi when she had the opportunity to do so, in Act I.

Sevika ignoring the original plan and protecting both Jinx and Isha.

The Jinx vs Vi fight from Act I, they weren't trying, at least not as hard as Sevika and Cait. Vi had Jinx at her mercy a few times but didn't kill her, and in the second half of the fight, Jinx basically only slaps her face.

Jinx and Vi's interaction in Act II. It felt refreshing, seeing them 'fight' in a much lighter tone.

Jayce telling Viktor there's beauty in imperfections, that he admired him. It contrasts with Viktor's desire to make everything perfect (but including Viktor's terminal disease was weird).

Viktor and Jayce meeting in every timeline, Jayce being Viktor's salvation.

Viktor saying that trying to heal Warwick was a risk worth taking.

Isha seeing Jinx beyond the Powder/Jinx dichotomy and being the one to bring that happy nature from her (I loved Jinx acting as commentator just to make it fun for Isha).

Jinx being OFFENDED because an enforcer insulted her pants.

Jinx using her new mechanical finger (with a face painted on it) to give the middle finger to the enforcer who hit on her.

Sevika knowing how much Isha meant for Jinx, and Sevika not making fun of her when Jinx had another hallucination (after months of not having them). Sevika looked concerned.

Jinx protecting Caitlyn in Act II (although Cait never did something similar for her).

Mel's story centered on her family and not any romance.

Jinx's skills with her gun and her enhanced abilities thanks to the shimmer. She's so cool with her gun and managed to stay on her feet against Warwick at the beginning.

Jinx writing her name on her cheek just like Vi did (and it's funnier because Jinx did it by following the image in the mirror).

The voice acting. Especially Ella Purnell (Jinx's voice actress). They're all perfect for the roles, and Ella's raspy voice is the cherry on top.

Powder in the other timeline still having the hallucinations but showing she became Jinx because of her environment. She's much healthier and se's a genius in both timelines, it's her environment which decides if she'll use it to create weapons or to have a fun science competition.

I'll keep updating the list for a few days.

[assblastergaster]

the way jayvik fans are ignoring the entire plot of the show to raise up their ship is so…i thought tumblr was being dramatic when they said yaoi shippers will just ignore any women and plot just to prop up their own desires.

like let’s not be deluded a lot of people emphasized caitvi a little too much—to the point they ignored the story—but that was nothing compared to this. like, i get it, they’re two hotties with a beautiful, complex narrative surrounding them and tying them to their world and each other. but if a romantic or sexual relationship was a part of that, there’s no way in helllll fortiche or the writers would’ve maintained their status as “just” best friends and brothers. (which also ignores how deep and beautiful a bond between best friends, siblings, partners can be)

i know some people might not remember it but i remember in 2021 there was a slight whisper from some people, especially on reddit, who were annoyed that the show focused so much on women’s relationships (sisters, girlfriends, daughters) and not men’s; obviously these people missed the point in an entirely different direction but they’re on the same starting track as the jayvik romance phenomenon. jayce and viktor are as much vander and silco as they are themselves. they are vi and jinx. they are brothers by bond, not by blood (though eventually they are by the blood they spill). they are the third telling of this all important story between siblings, the third outcome. vander and silco could not handle what they wrought and eventually killed each other. vi and jinx could not handle what they had done and had to separate themselves completely lest they be stuck in a constant drowning battle. jayce and viktor couldn’t fix what they had done and thus had to work together to destroy it, as they had to cause it. notably: these latter two outcomes reflect the overall trajectory of the show. vander and silco (united by ideals) could not forgive themselves or each other, even for their goal to save the world. jinx and vi (united by blood) and jayce and viktor (united by discovery) learned from themselves, from each other, that they have to forgive in order to do what’s ultimately needed.

also—something i’ve seen NOBODY mention is Skye. Skye is honestly so important to viktor’s arc and nobody seems to remember or care. she has been accused of being one of arcane’s few flaws, being a victim of “fridging.” in some ways, this is absolutely true. she was just a random female character introduced to make viktor feel bad—but that’s kind of the point. viktor’s newfound hatred (end of s1) of the hex core comes because he realizes that his arrogance and desperation have lead him to kill someone he never got to know on a deeper level (indicated by him learning more about her from her diagrams than he has the whole time). he is furious that he let that happen, that it took an innocent life to be lost forever just to spur him to realize the error of his ways. it why he wanted to be left to die naturally. her inclusion in the brief time where viktor was “ascended” but not yet gloriously evolved, was some of the points at which viktor seemed happiest. we didn’t get to see much of them—which is sad—but their constant interactions and her looming presence whenever he was shown in his astral state confirmed how much he regrets losing her. this does NOT mean they are a romantic item, though to some it may, but it does mean that viktor’s care and character growth/change for others is being unfairly sidestepped in favor of a ship. she even goes so far to say that “no, you won’t” when he says he’ll miss their talks—implying either that she was the first to acknowledge that he was not going to be the viktor she knew, or that she knew that the same arrogance in him now was in him when she was alive (and that he cared about nothing but himself).

this is not even to mention that this also completely sidelined Mel, who does eventually move on due to reasons outside either her or jayce’s control, was still his lover and confidant for a long time. her arc informs his as does he, hers. her growth into her powers while he shies away from unknown magic is a reflection of their season 1 selves, where jayce embraces his newfound inventiveness and influence while she fears her what she knows her mother will do. mel being routinely ignored is due in no small part, im sure, by misogyny and racism—but she is just as much a main character as they are (game notwithstanding).

now i’m not saying this to be a jayvik hater. myself? i love caitvi, probably more than i should have above base appreciation of their worth to the story and beautiful writing, so i get it. this doesn’t mean i think jayvik is bad inherently—but lofting it above all else is annoying. the romances of arcane are sooo beautiful and complex but they’re only a part of what the story is trying to tell you, so a manufactured relationship that supersedes all is counterintuitive.

[worldisahouseonfire]

This really helps to read. There's a lot of pressure in institutions and congregate living situations to make friends with the other people there. But I don't do well with this sort of nonconsensual setup, where I can't actually get away from the would-be friends if I need a break from them to evaluate how I'm feeling about an interaction or connection.

Reminds me of something from a RealSocialSkills post called 'Autism awareness for aides,' something like "honest loneliness is better than being surrounded by people who everyone says are nice but don't treat you well or think you are real."

And something Terry Pratchett wrote in 'I Shall Wear Midnight,' about how sometimes two people are both outcasts but come to find out, painfully, that they're not outcasts in the same/compatible ways.

In my experience Autistics can be way more different to each other than non-Autistics are to each other. All of us being outcasts, or treated as 'weird' by normative society, does not necessarily mean that we have anything in common other than our exclusion. And that by itself can be a very painful thing to bond over. Especially in the absence of any independent enjoyment of spending time with one another.

But it still hurts and feels extra-isolating to be in congregate settings with other socially rejected people, and see that they are able to make friends and connections with one another. Especially with the overwhelming (sometimes unspoken) narrative that the whole reason we're isolated and stuck in these places is some lack of arbitrary and universal 'social skills,' so failure to get along with people who have been arbitrarily thrown together with me feels like a sort of universal social death sentence. Like I will always be surrounded by people I don't want as friends, and this social failure will be All My Fault.

This is why, though, I am so glad that most of my life I have had a computer and reached out online for social connection. My closest friends are sometimes two or three timezones away, or even on the other side of the world, but they remind me that with the right people, I'm not a total social failure. And that spending time with other people doesn't have to feel like being in a car wreck -- uncertain what happened, afraid it was somehow my fault, wondering what lengthy consequences I might be facing, not even sure if I'm hurt or how badly.

My friends far away show me how it feels to be myself with people, to let the soft animal of my body rest in the (virtual) presence of others. And we do more for each other than anyone I know in meatspace, not because we feel obliged to, but because it makes sense.

Without my laptop, I would not survive congregate and institutional living situations. I would not keep fighting and striving to get out and stay out, and support my friends in all their efforts to break free and stay free from coercive shared living situations.

It makes sense to not always be able to make friends in settings and places not of our choosing. Where the only thing we may have in common with others there is our inability to leave, to make different choices who we spend our days with. In school, in employment, in families, in neighborhoods and sometimes housing, we often have limited pools of people with whom we interact. The chances of them being My/Your/Our People are ludicrously small.

I think it's okay for it to be harder to find friends. Especially as an adult, and especially when going through rough times. It's okay to not make friends with people you have to spend a lot of time around.

(I hope so, anyway. 'Cause where I'm living, and who I'm living with right now, is *not at all* where I want to be.)

“Because I could see that all these kids were weird and even they didn’t accept me, I knew I was the strangest one of all.”

—

Sean Barron, There’s A Boy In Here

Describing what happened to him in institutions.  I once attempted to describe this phenomenon in a book review of someone autistic who’d managed to make a lot of friends in institutions.  I was trying to just say our experiences had been different, but he somehow managed to take it as an insult, and to get his blog followers to write about how wonderful he was for being able to do something I hadn’t been able to do.  Which, of course, made me feel even worse: Other autistic people were able to make friends in institutions, so why were such experiences so few and far between for me? Was I defective somehow, even for an autistic person?  Was I showing how i wasn’t the right kind of autistic person, the kind who in their teens could somehow manage to make friends because they were so sweet and nice? 

I wasn’t sweet and nice, I was weird and strange and sticking out in all the wrong directions.  And many times, I would come to a mental institution and within seconds everyone would judge me to be the ward outcast.  I’ve talked to lots of autistic people who had this experience.  It turns out it’s not rare after all, and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us, it just means we’re not among the rare autistic people who do manage to make lots of friends in such places.  And they aren’t better than us, and we aren’t better than them, we’re just different.  But it took me a long time to be able to see this, especially with grown parents of autistic children, who should’ve known better, harping on a very young adult autistic person for saying hir experiences were different than someone else’s.

(via autiequotes)

[wlwitchofwhitestone]

Also now that they've finally kissed at least the rest of fandom will catch up that they've been together the whole time. We told y'all from day one, that's a qpr. They weren't oblivious. Imogen knew Laudna had other priorities - when it came to romance, not to her - and knew exactly what Laudna was okay with. And she waited until she couldn't know, until things had changed and she had to take Laudna at her word instead, and that's what made it matter and I'm just saying. We've been here the whole time having to watch people beg every week for something to become canon that was there from the start. Watched beauj*s start to play out all over again as people swore up and down these two "lesbians" (that's a whole other post) were madly in love and hadn't realized it. Turns out they knew exactly what they were, like we said. You could've saved a lot of time if you'd realized that a kiss isn't what makes a ship canon. I've had a great 65 episodes of a canon ship away from the mainstream fascination with saying things like "whatever they've got going on," but welcome aboard.