#The biggest troll of them all

[meangreennunseen]

Lion, Dorn, Guilliman, Sanguinius, Russ, Khan, Ferrus, Vulkan, Corax: Loyalists

Horus, Lorgar, Fulgrim, Perturabo, Magnus, Angron, Mortarion, Curze: Traitors

Alpharius/Omegon:

[ryssbelle]

How to handle bullies 101

[lucabyte]

🐮

[seyaryminamoto]

Scenes of a Peaceful World: Sokkla Saturdays 2024

Day Eight - Intuition

Rated: T

On FF.net//On AO3

"Do you ever get the feeling that mom and dad haven't told us everything?"

"Everything? What do you mean, Shun?"

"Well, it's just… I don't know. They have a lot of big friends, and they're all important people. Isn't it weird? Most my friends in school… their parents aren't like that. Ah, and all their parents know our parents, but our parents don't know theirs. Does that make sense?"

"I mean, our parents are famous. That's obvious, right?"

"But why?"

Hotaru bit her lip. She had no answers for that particular question… none that made sense, anyway. Shun pouted, sitting beside her by the fire, as Yuuna worked on some mysterious sculpture with a pile of ice, by Hotaru's other side.

"Dad's from the Southern Water Tribe," Shun said, glancing about himself, at the ornate, beautiful igloos, the strong ice walls, and of course, the beautiful fireplace they sat by. "This is where he was born. So why did he ever marry… w-well, someone from Fire Nation royalty?"

"Because they fell in love," Hotaru responded, simply.

"But how? Why? Are you sure it makes sense that they just…?"

"Why don't you ask them yourself?" Hotaru asked, with a wicked smile. Shun tensed up, cheeks heating up at once.

"B-because…! They're going to get all mushy and make fun of me for asking about that kind of thing," he grumbled. Hotaru chuckled. "See? You're making fun of me already!"

"You know, there's nothing wrong with admitting you're curious about romance," Hotaru said. Shun pouted, cheeks redder still. "If that's what you want to know…"

"That's not it! I've heard more than just… well, weird stories that make no sense about their relationship!" Shun exclaimed. "It's also about… how the war ended. Have you learned about that in school, Hotaru? B-because…!"

She had learned some things about it, certainly, but… not that much. Not at length. Hotaru frowned, eyeing her brother warily. He knelt by her now, careless to sink his knees in the snow.

"I don't know much about it. And everything I hear… doesn't sound real," Shun said, softly.

"I know," Hotaru sighed. "The Fire Nation lost and surrendered… Fire Lord Ozai was defeated. Our grandfather…"

"Mom doesn't talk about him much," Shun mumbled. "Everyone else says he was, uh, well…"

"A son of a bitch," Yuuna interjected: both her siblings winced.

"D-don't just blurt that out like that, Yuuna!" Hotaru said.

"We're not supposed to curse…" Shun swallowed hard.

"Nobody's listening. Doesn't matter," Yunna continued: the ice sculpture she worked on only continued to grow in size… though its shape still made no sense to her siblings.

"Either way…" Shun sighed, shaking his head. "I just don't think any of the stories we hear make much sense, you know? They're so… ridiculous?"

"But we have seen some of it ourselves," Hotaru pointed out. "Mom told us about the Spicy Ramen Challenge…"

"That's the only believable one."

"And the Spirit Library?"

"W-well, that's…! Very cool. I suppose. B-but do you seriously think our parents singlehandedly convinced a scary spirit owl that humanity wasn't that far gone and deserved a second chance?" Shun said, eyeing Hotaru skeptically. "We're talking about our parents here, you know? Just this morning they had an argument about the right way to pronounce 'leisure'… for twenty minutes!"

"They can take nonsense really far, that is true," Hotaru conceded. "But… they're really respected at their jobs, you know? People look up to them."

"That's what I don't understand. That's why… well, I want to know, but at the same time, I don't know if I do," Shun sighed, glancing towards the mountains. "Whenever we come here to visit grandfather… they always go on their own for a while and leave us here. Why… why do you think they do that? Are they keeping some big secret from us until they decide we're ready to hear it?"

"Thing is, Shun…" Hotaru sighed, folding her arms over her chest. "I have the feeling we've been hearing the truth since ages ago. You know… those bedtime stories they always tell us?"

"Oh, Princess Jing and her champion, Wentai?" Shun asked. Hotaru bit her lip. "What about that?"

"Don't you think it's weird how most people haven't heard of them? No one in school told us about those two great heroes of old…"

"U-uh, I guess not, but… I kind of figured mom and dad made them up?"

"They didn't!" Yuuna exclaimed, frowning. "Princess Jing and Wentai are a real legend!"

"That's what I think too," Hotaru said, with an awkward smile. "But… I just think their actual names aren't Jing and Wentai. And maybe they are hiding a thing or two anyway besides that, maybe they don't tell us the full story anyhow, but I think…"

"Heh? Heh?!" Shun's eyes widened, glancing between his sisters. "Y-you're not saying… Princess Jing is mom, and Wentai is dad? T-that's…! That's impossible!"

"You know, the more you believe it's impossible, the harder it will be for you to accept those secrets you're so worried about," Hotaru pointed out: Shun, however, was entirely beyond being reasoned with now.

"Wentai is so cool! He's like… the coolest non-bender ever! He fights and kicks so much, u-uh…"

"Ass!"

"Thank you, Yuuna, but… I mean, there's no way our goofball dad could be him! And Jing, w-well, she's nice, and she's the best firebender of her age, but I'm sure mom's cooler than her!"

"Well, I think they're both awesome," Hotaru smiled. Shun shuddered, shaking his head.

"There's just no way. There's just no way…!"

Hakoda smirked, witnessing the children's discussion from a safe distance – he supposed he'd have to report on Yuuna's curses to her parents, but he doubted it would make a difference, considering how the child tended to disregard any scolding that lacked logical, solid reasoning she could accept.

"So much intuition… and yet, always stopping just short of an uncomfortable truth. Sokka's son, that's for sure," he chuckled, dropping his head against the frame of his igloo's front door.

Should the kids sneak off now, following the tracks their parents left behind, they would be certain to find them in a whole different light right now. In the ruins of an old building, long demolished, by the bay where a dangerous battle had been won by the Southern Water Tribe…

"Still don't think this is the right way to go about this tradition of ours, love. We didn't have swords back then, remember?" Sokka smirked. Azula scoffed, raising her white blade in his direction.

"Humor your wife. What's the point of coming all this way without a rematch?" she smirked. Sokka laughed.

"I really shouldn't have put that thought in your head, all those years ago," he concluded. Azula chuckled, as he unsheathed his sword as well. "But it always feels right… coming back to where it all began with you."

"Just how far have we come this time, Wentai?" Azula asked, teasingly.

"Let's figure that out, Princess Jing," Sokka smirked. Azula huffed, twirling her sword in a teasing flourish before diving forth.

Their duels were never truly dangerous, if simply because they knew each other all too well, so used to sparring together that they would always be effortlessly synched. They moved smoothly, almost as though they danced, as though they were fire and water swirling side by side, never snuffing each other out, never clashing fully, only brushing together so lightly, causing sizzling electricity to bloom between them in consequence.

Their outcomes were seldom predictable, but this time, it was Sokka who found himself disarmed, with a blade by his throat. He smiled, raising his hands in surrender.

"Now… don't you dare yield," Azula teased him, stepping closer to him, without setting aside her sword. Sokka chuckled, basking in the tenderness and danger alike. "That would be no fun."

"I can think of a better way to settle this, then," Sokka teased her: Azula smirked as his arms slid around her body.

Her sword clattered over his once she dropped it, fully enticed into his embrace, kissing him deeply as the pale sunlight of the South Pole bathed them. Sokka pressed their brows together, nose gently nudging hers.

"Still think this is the right way to finish any arguments," he said. Azula scoffed.

"You're still pronouncing 'leisure' wrong."

"Am not!"

"Oh, please…!"

He dove in again, as though to prove his earlier words correct: Azula laughed, hands cupping his face first, then slipping around his neck so she could hug him tightly. Their careless laughter echoed across the pristine landscape, the place where so much had begun for the two of them, and where their ever-growing love never failed to find renewal and strength, providing the best warmth in a frigid landscape… highlighting the beautiful balance between fire and ice that the two lovers had long discovered by each other's side.

[snowyh2o]

It’d be hilarious and a massive troll if Alastor just, never ends up betraying the hotel or becoming the next big bad. And we learn that his issues were solved 10 episodes ago because of something Charlie did. And he just decided to stick around because he thought it’d be fun.

[metalcorebarbie]

x

[floorpancakes]

[puppetmaster13u]

You know what I need more of? The Batkids completely fucking with the Justice League and their rogues and coming up with stories for their existence.

Like I am talking about the creation of demigods sort of stories, like Loki sort of stories.

Duke has convinced all of Gotham that he's the Bat Signal brought to life and that's why he's never seen at night and why the signal literally doesn't work during the day. He's waiting giddily for the story to spread outside of the city.

The batkids have convinced half the League that Nightwing is quite literally Batman's lovechild with Justice. Hey, Constantine had a one night stand with the manifestation of a city and they've dealt with gods before, so surely it's not that surprising? Right???

I need more of the Batkids being little shits, of Alfred the-greatest-enabler Pennyworth backing them up and Bat(the-biggest-troll)man to never confirm the stories, but he doesn't deny them either.

[lasnevadaslaborunion]

It frightens and discourages me how pervasive "tribal" stereotypes and imagery are in the fantasy and adventure genres.

It's all over the place in classic literature. Crack open a Jules Verne novel and you're likely to find caricatures of brown people and cultures, even when the characters are sympathetic to the plight of the colonized peoples - incidentally, this is the biggest reason I can't recommend 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea to everyone, despite Captain Nemo being one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

You can't escape it in modern cinema, either. You'll see white heroes venturing bravely into jungles and tombs to steal from natives who don't know how to use their resources "properly." You'll see them strung up in traps, riddled with sleeping darts, forced to flee and fight their way out. Hell, Pirates of the Caribbean, a remarkably inclusive franchise in many other ways, had an extended sequence of the white heroes escaping from a cannibal civilization in the second film.

And when fantasy RPGs want a humanoid enemy, the "bloodthirsty natives" are the first stock trope they jump to. World of Warcraft is one of the most egregious examples, with the trolls - blatant racist caricatures with faux-voodoo beliefs, cannibalistic diets, Jamaican accents, and a history of being killed in droves by (white) elves and humans - being raided and slaughtered in nearly every expansion.

It doesn't matter how vibrant and distinctive the real-world indigenous, Polynesian, Caribbean, and African cultures are. It doesn't matter how much potential these real civilizations offer for complex and sympathetic characterization. Anything that doesn't make sense to the white western mind is shoved under the same "savage" umbrella. They're different. They're strange. They're scary. They have to be escaped, subjugated, eliminated, ogled at from the safety of a museum.

Modern writers, directors, and developers don't even seem to realize how horrifying it is to present the indigenous inhabitants of a place as "obstacles" for non-native protagonists to overcome. "It's not racist," they say, "because these people aren't really people, you see." And if you dare to point out anything that hurts or offends you as a descendant of the bastardized culture, you're accused of being the real racist: "These aren't humans! They're monsters! Are you saying that these real societies are just like those disgusting monsters?"

No, they're not monsters. But you chose to design them as monsters, just as invaders have done for hundreds of years. Why would you do that? Why can you recognize any other caricature as evil and cruel, but not this?

This is how deep colonialism runs.

[kittykat-pikachu]

while i totally agree that people have a habit of overlooking characters' explicit disinterest in sex or lack of sexual attraction, but kankri does say that the reason for his celibacy isn't due to a disinterest in sexual relations.

while he is talking with porrim (and slut-shaming her) he comments about how, compared to others, he does prefer to "lead a relatively chaste existence" but in the same sentence he says it's because "it keeps [him] focused on fighting on behalf of truly important problems" (typing quirk omitted for ease of reading).

so, it's shown that he isn't celibate for the reason of being disinterested but because he wants to but his energy into different areas. of course as (i believe) we should take everything kankri says with a grain of salt because he has a tendency of skewing the truth to give himself the moral high ground, he could be lying about his intentions in one way or another. people are free to headcanon as they please.

he also says pretty early into his first rant with karkat that he is prone to being insensitive towards people of aro/ace/demi orientations, and admits that it's due to "[his] own romantic privilege". this doesn't disprove of the idea he could be ace, or that he could be disinterested in sex in general, but it goes to show that there is evidence towards the alternative.

anyway, youre free to interpret his character however you please, i literally can't stop you, but so is everyone else. and discrediting others' abilities to have different opinions about characters who are not real can lead someone to a pretty narrow worldview. and i understand not wanting to see a character you like in situations you don't enjoy, as a gamzee fan i deal with this a lot, but you can always choose to ignore those. a lot of people will have headcanons you don't agree with, and the sooner you accept that the happier you'll be engaging with fandom.

also, it's important to remember that this is a fictional character who was intentionally satirically based on people who overly criticize and police other people's existences, specifically people who do that on tumblr. this isn't a guy who thinks and feels, he is but a joke in the mind of a madman. he is pixels.

this isn't trying to discredit your opinions on people disrespecting ace and aro identities btw, i COMPLETELY understand and as an aroace person myself i have to deal with it too, but personal headcanons ARE different than canonical proof. plus there's always people who are going to make horny art just for horny sake. rule 34 etc etc.

i hope this wasn't too preachy, i just care a LOT about people understanding the art they're analyzing. you're free to feel however you want about anything you want, and feeling frustrated that people don't share your headcanons is totally valid! but insulting other people and implying its morally wrong to have different thoughts on fictional characters that you is taking it pretty far.

TW: Rant post, acephobia.

Okay, now I don’t like making posts like this, mainly because I don’t enjoy expressing my anger if it’s not in a constructive way. But for the love of Christ can we please stop sexualizing ace characters???

How is it that when I look up Kankri Vantas (A CANONICAL CELIBATE CHARACTER), it doesn’t even take me half a scroll to find some weirdo art of him. I’m not saying don’t ship Kankri or whatever, since he does canonically feel flushed, but he had never been shown a desire to pail with someone. He’s ace, but that doesn’t mean he’s aro. THE VICE VERSA IS ALSO TRUE! Just because he feels romantic feelings, doesn’t mean he’s not ace.

Do you know how many times I’ve PERSONALLY been told, as someone on the Ace-Spectrum, that I just need to “loosen up” or that I’m “not valid” because for something I have no control over. The worst part is that it doesn’t even come from weirdo right-winged assholes. It comes from people WITHIN the LGBTQ+ community, because despite being known as the “most accepting community”, the second I don’t conform to some sexual-normative criteria/mindset, I’m the weird one, it’s somehow “not natural”. Isn’t that literally the same thing that 70-year old conservatives say?

And what do I always get as a response when I bring up this over-sexualization of characters who are ace? “It’s just their headcanon.” or “Well it’s not explicitly confirmed, only implied.” But I guarantee you that if I said that Dirk was only implied to be gay, or Rose never explicitly said “I’m a lesbian” and therefore I could ship them with a differently gendered character, suddenly it’s not good. Suddenly it’s bad, but not when it’s an ace character like Kankri, nooo.

Because for some moronic reason, despite this whole community being built on the idea of “equality”, ace characters are always treated as a prize and are objectified because people think being ace is the equivalent of shaking my ass in your face and going “ooh, you can’t have this.” WHEN IT LITERALLY FUCKING ISN’T! It’s the complete opposite! We see other people and go “While I may wish to hold a romantic relationship with you, I cannot feel sexual attraction and therefore do not wish to have sexual relationships.”

Why are we so disregarding of character’s sexualities when they’re ace or aro? It’s not even something hard to respect their canonical labels. It’s not silly or funny or anything. It’s acephobic and makes the entire point of the LGBTQ+ (that being that we’re all equal) an utter joke! “Yeah we’re all equal, but not if you’re ace.” It’s such bullshit. Again, not saying you can’t ship them, but sexualizing them and similar things is just disgusting and disrespectful.

[kamospeach]

you could have it all, the way you look at me .ᐟ

plot: basketballplayer!eren who matches his angry girlfriends energy they're both hotheads

content warning: black coded, heavy cursing, shower sex, fingering, daddy kink, pretty chill

peachy's yap: wc 3.4k.ᐟ i think about reader yelling at eren for yelling at her very often i fear. i really didn't want to make this a smut so i keep the smut to a minimum.

Tuesday at 6:43pm

this tuesday was like every other tuesday except for one different thing. like usual on the second day of the week, you walk into the arena of your college to watch your boyfriend play. finding his mom and dad sitting there along with his big brother zeke. you all sat right in the front, your legs crossed sitting proud in the jersey he instructed you to wear for today.

again, just like every tuesday, eren ran out alongside his teammates as they warmed up. the first thing he did was look for you and his family, blowing a kiss to all of you. he then turned back to the crowd, throwing his hands in the air to rile them up and get them as loud as he could. this was his game-day ritual; nothing was different until they walked in.

your rival school, the first student to walk in was jean, the internet's biggest troll. he had been going live on instagram, saying how he was going to beat your school— 'full sweep,' to be exact. of course, that angered eren. not only were they both D1 basketball players, but everyone knew of their beef .comments went around, with people betting on who they suspected would win.

'trost university is going to destroy shinganshina state'

'only good player on ssu is eren yeager'

'trost is ass, yeager is going to lead us to victory'

the comments went on and on which only fueled eren's competitiveness through the roof. you told him not to be too conceited on the court which only made him mad at you. he thought you were saying he wasn’t good at what he does.

it wasn’t necessarily that but you couldn’t help but feel like jean and his team had improved since last year. although your school won last year it wasn’t by anything except 10 points and the game was back and forth the whole hour and a half.

just as you expected the game was close and eren was heated the whole time. jean getting in eren's face calling him and you quote 'pussy ass boy'. which made eren’s face turn red raining 3 after 3 but it wasn't enough.

although he was good everyone else on the team lacked any effort. no defense, no one else powered through offensively, and an excessive amount of turnovers. the game was 5 minutes away from ending and it was getting embarrassing. if you weren't part of this school you'd unfortunately agree with jean this was a full sweep. the buzzer went off and you stood from your seat looking up at the scoreboard.

119-73

fuck. you heard yelling and you quickly walked to the floor followed by his family. as you got closer and closer you realized the yelling was your boyfriend. curses spewed from his mouth as he spat across the court. pushing through people to get to him before he lunged at whoever he was arguing with.

"man fuck you, you didn't have to say nothin' to me and you did." eren yelled and jean laughed eyes following you as you grabbed eren's arm.

"yea okay you was talkin' shit online so say that shit to my face. or are you too scared to get your ass beat in front of your bitch." jean spat and you looked around, you just KNOW he wasn't calling you a bitch.

"who you calling a bitch?" you said looking at the boy before you. he smirked about to open his mouth but eren beat him to it.

"if you arguing wimme talk shit about me, fuck is you speakin' on my girl for?" he said walking up to jean and usually you'd hold him back. but jean called you a bitch, no mercy for the wicked.

"what you wanna do? fight?" jean asked looking eren up and down.

"beat his ass rennie!" you yelled and before the two men could get to fighting someone yelled.

"eren and y/n!" his father yelled making the both of you look in his direction. the strictness in his voice scared a lot of the people around you. everyone including jean turned to look in the direction of the yelling. there stood grisha on the other end of the court. the sternness in his voice made everyone pause. "over here... now!" you both nodded turning away from jean and walking over to his family.

"great you got us in trouble." eren joked and lightly shoved your shoulder making you laugh.

"me? i didn't tell you to fight him." you huff turning your nose up at eren and looking away.

"yeah right aren't you the one who told me to beat his ass?" he laughs and you shake your head feigning innocence.

"nah," you said as you guys stood in front of his parents.

"you'll both end up getting beat up one day." his mother said shaking her head as she laughed.

"well he shouldn't have said anything about her," he said looking back to see if his team was going to the locker rooms yet. eren talked with you and his family a little longer, but he was still fed up. he looked tired, like he was ready to get in the showers and get to bed.

his answers were short and whenever his dad brought up the game he'd wave it off. once it was time for him to go to the back you all let him go about his business. you waited next to eren's car and his parents waited with you at their car which was parked next to his.

after another 30 minutes, eren was walking out with his shirt around his shoulders and his warm-up sweats on. you rolled your eyes as he walked out dapping people up and starting conversations. it was getting colder by the minute and you really weren't in the mood.

"eren let's go!" you yelled and he looked at you with a glare and left his friend behind. he unlocked his car door so that you could get in the car. but you didn't want to get in because if he knew you were warm he would take his sweet time.

"thanks for coming you guys," he said to his family kissing his mom on the forehead and hugging his father and brother. after he said his goodbyes you both got in his car and he looked at you. “why you makin' that face?"

"how many times have i told you to wear a shirt outside? you'll get sick." you huffed as he threw his backpack in the back. "especially straight out of the showers."

"ma... i just lost a game and you're talking about me getting sick." he huffed starting the car as you guys made your way to his apartment. you lived on campus but you never went home on game days since eren wanted you with him after a game. win or lose.

"well guess what happens when you get sick? you. can't. play." you said tilting your head back and forth each time you spoke. eren just looked at you out the side of his eye not interested in engaging in an argument.

after a short drive to his apartment, you quickly got out of the car walking to his door. you pulled out your spare unlocked his door and pushed your way in. you walked to his kitchen looking through his fridge not even bothering to acknowledge his presence.

"so you get an attitude with me and come in here looking through my food," he said setting his bag down near the door.

"you mad at me 'cause i don't want you to get sick," you mumbled grabbing his leftover pasta and warming it up for the two of you.

"who was mad? all i said was i just lost a game. like nobody wanna hear that shit when they just got they ass kick!" he said raising his voice and you turned to him with a brow raised.

"okay, my bad. but i told you to not get too cocky." you gave him a pointed look and he jerked his head.

"what're you saying i'm not good enough to beat jean?" he jumped to the conclusion now full-on yelling and you sighed. he knew that's not what you meant, not at all.

"i told you when we watched film, they're exceptionally better than last year!" you reminded him and he hummed, now you were yelling.

"oh so now you're a basketball expert?" he yelled getting closer and closer to your face and you rolled your eyes.

"i mean shit we watched it all the time! why are you acting like im your enemy? i was trying to help you not be disappointed!" you yell and he scoffed.

"so what i was supposed to just expect to lose?" he waved his hands in the air.

"i don't know! stop yelling pissing me off!" you yelled back and he looked at you like you had grown two extra sets of arms.

"you're yelling at me!" he yelled again and you gave him a blank stare.

"i'm yelling at you because you're yelling at me!" you rebutted and he threw his hands in the air.

"so then shut up!" he said with a chuckle and you nodded laughing to yourself. "you just wanna argue so bad," he said wrapping his arms around your waist and leaning against the counter. your back to his chest as you both waited for the food to warm.

eren’s hands started to trail up your body. you already knew what he was hinting at without him saying anything. you weren’t in the mood at the moment. you just wanted to eat, lay down with eren, and sleep.

his post-game stamina was insane. you’d both go round after round not stopping until your brain was fucked smooth. or you couldn’t speak from being so out of breath.

you knew tonight would be worse because he was LIVID. if the celebratory fucks were bad you couldn’t imagine the pounding he’d give you tonight. losing to jean, to your rival school, and after two weeks of trolling you’re bound to be half dead by morning.

“not tonight ren,” you say reaching up to grab your warmed food. he kept his arms around your waist dragging behind you every place you went. followed behind you to grab the plates. not even helping when you struggled to reach for them.

“ma please, at least a quickie we can do it right here,” he begged softly thrusting his hips into yours. demonstrating how simple it would be to have a quickie at this moment. "see i could take you right now. 10 minutes done." he said and you laughed at him.

"no ren i'm tired, i had work and your game." you made up an excuse and he scoffed.

"you're such an old lady," he laughed knowing the 'work' you were referring to was working at the school library. sitting down checking people into the computer lab and helping only if they needed. he knew your day was uneventful since you blew up his phone while he was in class.

"i'll be that." you hum turning to look up at your boyfriend who smiled down at you. for someone who just lost his basketball game he sure was happy. you shake your head as you laugh at him, his mood was so back and forth it was crazy.

"you so fuckin pretty," he said staring you at your face. he analyzed everything about you, he started by looking at your hair, your eyes, your nose, your lips.

"thank you but why are you staring?" you laughed handing him a plate and he shrugged taking it.

"because you're my girl?" he said in a questioning tone. you both sat on his couch and he turned on the tv for the two of you. you both ate and watched a movie engaging in conversation here and there. once you guys finished eating you cleaned the dishes and decided it was time to head to bed.

"i'm about to get in the shower," you tell eren who nods with a hum. you go into the bathroom and strip down, and you turn on the water waiting for it to warm. as you were waiting you felt eren's presence behind you. seconds later you felt his dick pressed against your ass. although an hour ago you weren't in the mood you can't lie that the feeling of him pressed against you wasn't turning you on.

"see how hard you make me?" he whispered in your ear and you just laughed at his attempt to seduce you. you turned around to see eren naked, looking a little too excited to take a shower for the second time in 2 hours.

"didn't you already take a shower in the locker room?" you asked stepping into the shower of course followed by eren.

"yeah? but i'd miss the chance to see you naked," he smirked grabbing your waist to spin you around. you looked up at eren trying to avoid direct eye contact not wanting to fall into his trap. "why you looking away from me?"

"because if i look at you, i might let you get what you want," you admitted and he gripped your chin squeezing your cheeks making your lips pout. he forced you to turn your face and look in his green eyes.

"you don't have to do anything you don't want to. but i ain't gon' tell you no." he laughed and you nodded understanding what he meant. your brain ran through your options, you did want to sleep but you had to shower. so maybe you guys could just do something real quick.

"i think i want to," you say grabbing his dick stroking it slowly and groaning. he pulls your face to him in a heated kiss his other dropping to your waist. he kissed you sloppily letting go of your jaw and slapping your ass, which stung a little more because of the water. you pulled away to frown at him. "you know that hurts more than usual."

"m'sorry i been waiting to do that," he admits with a grunt loving the way your soft hands pump his cock sensually.

he had been looking at your ass in those jeans you wore with his jersey. he rubbed the spot he had slapped hoping to soothe the pain. he went back to kissing you hungrily pushing his tongue in your mouth. gliding it over yours swirling it around tasting your mouth.

"open." he quickly said pulling away from you, and you listened opening your mouth and sticking out your tongue. he let his spit drip in your mouth watching it slide down your throat.

"couldn't wait until you were fucking me?" you asked and he shook his head. releasing the grip on your ass relocating his hands to your breast. his head swooped down capturing your nipple in his mouth. he sucked and lightly bit on your nipple making you moan. he wanted to be a gentleman and engage in some type of foreplay. he switched showing attention to your other breast just before his resolve fell.

"i can't wait when it comes to you," he says reaching down to slide his fingers through your folds. even tho the water was running over the both of you he could tell the drippings between your thighs was more slick than water. he rubbed your clit not once breaking the intense eye contact you both held.

his middle finger slipped into your cunt, your legs got weak and you gripped onto eren’s bicep. he didn’t waste any time adding in my middle finger pumping fast. your thoughts were cloudy the only thing in your mind was the way eren’s fingers moved inside you.

“ren,” you moan out looking up at him as he just smiled at you.

“yes?” he asked tilting his head to the said fingering you faster. your words were broken up by your moans as you pleaded with him. letting out a strangled ‘pls just fuck me’ and eren couldn’t deny he was just as eager as you.

he picked you up pressing your back against the cold tile. making you hiss from the feeling. eren lined himself up with you sliding you down on him. you squealed feeling like he was in your chest. he bit back a moan which made it almost sound like a growl instead. he stilled for a minute letting you both catch your breath.

the next thing you knew eren was thrusting into you roughly. using his upper body to press you against the wall and hold you in place. his hips snapped into yours at an almost feral pace. all the sounds of your actions were pornographic. the way your cunt is squelching, the sound of his balls slapping against your ass. his loud grunts and groans, and your moans and squeals.

you reached up to run your hands through his shoulder-length hair. the feeling of the shower water running over the both of you while you engaged in such lewd acts. your back arched off the wall while eren placed one of your feet on the ground. he held your other leg up fucking into you hitting that spot in you at a whole different angle.

“ren… your t…too deep!” you yelped but he didn’t care. he liked being so deep in you your eyes rolled back in your head and your body began to twitch. all of that was what made fucking you more rewarding than any basketball game he could ever play. he pressed his forehead against yours pecking your lips.

“i know ma let me just make you cum okay?” he whispered moving his hands to grip your face. “it feel good? tell your rennie how much you love it." he groaned in your ear.

"fuck i love it, i love you." you moaned and eren smiled still relentlessly thrusting into you. although the way your walls clenched and unclenched around him had his head on cloud nine. your fucked out face and gaping mouth in the shape of an 'o' was stroking his pride.

"you love me? that's why you were a good girl for me?" he asked feeling your needy cunt gripping onto him for dear life. "you about to cum? tell me you love me again." he instructed you the feeling in his stomach letting him know he was close and would be cumming right behind you.

"i love you daddy..." you moaned your nails scratching his back as a wave of pleasure hit you like a train. your body could barely take the feeling of your orgasm, this was better than anything you'd felt. eren was close behind you his hips stuttering as he released in you. his warm cum filling you up and leaking from you dripping down his balls.

"fuck i love you too ma," he grunted but it sounded more feral like it came from the depths of his chest. he pulled his now limp dick out of you letting your leg down. they were sore and weak so you grabbed onto eren. "you did so well." he hummed against the top of your head leaning down to kiss your forehead.

"ren i can't stand." you frowned and he smiled nodding. without a second thought, eren took it upon himself to clean you first. after he had fully cleaned you and you were satisfied with the job he did he took his shower. you sat on the toilet towel wrapped around your body. you couldn't lie you watched eren intently as he took his shower.

"take a picture." he said glancing at you and you shrugged joking saying 'i will' making him laugh. he really didn't care if you did. considering all the nudes he'd sent to you throughout the day when he didn't have practice and was waiting for you to come over.

once eren was done in the shower you both finished your night routine getting into bed. your head against his chest while he laid one arm wrapped around your shoulder and one behind his head. you both were nodding off at the movie on the screen.

"i promise the next time i will not fall for your trap," you said and he let out a small laugh.

"i didn't trap you, you started it," he said which technically wasn't wrong which made you roll your eyes.

"go to sleep." you huffed and he kissed the top of your head.

"good night."

[tinfoil-jones]

Somewhere out there in the multiverse there exists a Jerk Ford

Not an evil Ford, he's just a massive jerk. To everyone, except (ironically) his own version of Stan.

People didn't exclude him while he was growing up because of his six fingers, but because he was an absolute dick all of the time.

The only reason their high school wanted Ford to go to that fancy college was to send him away, and make it way less likely he would ever come back to Jersey.

Stan still breaks his Perpetual Motion Machine, but this version of Ford chooses to believe him when he says it was an accident, and stands up for him when Filbrick tries to kick Stan out.

He still goes to Backupsmore, this time with Stan (who graduated) in tow, and the only reason he and Fiddleford are 'friends' is because Ford still mathematically proved Fiddlefords theory on the Universe being a Hologram, but he rubs it in Fiddlefords face for not proving it on his own.

Backupsmore University only gives Ford the research grant in hope he'll leave and never come back.

The only reason he takes a deal with Bill is because he's going to build that portal, only to never activate it as a 'SIKE!' on Bill. He doesn't even care he's creating something that would revolutionize science as they know it, he just wants to troll a 'God'.

Stan has to convince (i.e actually beg) Fiddleford to help Ford.

Fiddleford doesn't even accidentally get his head sucked into the portal this time, he leaves because he could only stand Ford for so long before being done (he kept peeling the stickers off the Cubiks Cubes and putting them on different squares so Fiddleford couldn't solve them).

This time Ford goes through the portal, and it breaks, because he accidentally fell asleep in the portal room and got possessed by Bill who tried opening the portal, but Stan had to fight him to stop him, only to accidentally shove Bill!Ford into the portal.

Since Stan and Ford were known to be two separate people the whole time, and Stan just reported Ford as 'Missing' and he never took his identity, the townsfolk assumed he'd actually murdered Ford, but they never question it because they're just so glad that he's gone.

They had a celebration and everything. Stan was the only one in town who didn't go.

Jerk Ford goes out into the multiverse and every single other Ford, even the evil ones, absolutely hate this guy because no one can push their buttons better than, well, themself. He's not even a wanted criminal, because none of the dimensions want him there, they want him to be another dimensions problem.

There's a Ford Hate Club that isn't for hating on all Fords, just this one. Most of it is made up of other Fords.

Canon Ford hates him for being a massive jerk, only for Jerk Ford to tell him that biggest difference between them really is that he chooses to not be a jerk to the one person who matters most to them (i.e their twin brother Stan). The one Ford who appreciates his Stan and it's the Biggest Jerk ever.

Jerk Ford is still a jerk to alternate versions of Stanley, too. It's literally just his own that he's not a jerk to.

Thirty years later when Stan fixes the portal and brings him back, everyone else in Gravity Falls is immediately mad at him for bringing him back, including Dipper and Mabel who dislike him as soon as the glamour of a 'cool space Grunkle' wears off. Although, Dipper already disliked Ford before he even met him because his research journals give advice on cryptids that seems helpful, but is actually the opposite. (Like saying people should definitely and exclusively use water on Gremloblins).

The only reason Dipper wanted to find The Author in this dimension is that he wants to punch him in the face for his trolling.

So when Ford comes out of the portal he doesn't try to punch Stan, in fact he goes in for a hug, only for Dipper to punch him instead as soon as he heard 'The Author of the Journals'.

Stan tries to convince Ford to be nice to Mabel and Dipper; Ford isn't necessarily nice to them, but he isn't as big of a jerk as he could have been, which is a lot for him. So he doesn't purposely tangle all of Mabels yarn, or kill off Dippers character in Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons.

Weirdmageddon still happens, but this time it's Dipper who destroys the snowglobe with the rift because he never wanted to be Fords apprentice, so he never knew what the rift was. He ended up breaking it on purpose because he got so sick of Fords shit that he wanted to break something Ford liked.

The reason they couldn't get the zodiac circle together during Weirdmageddon isn't because of Stan and Ford fighting, but because Ford couldn't stop being a jerk for two seconds and Robbie let go of his hand.

Weirdmageddon ends the same as it did in canon, with Stan sacrificing himself because of Fords metal plate, except this time Mabel and Dipper are even more frantic to bring their Grunkle Stan back, because they don't want him to be a blank slate that their Grunkle Ford would influence and possibly turn into another jerk (Which is something Jerk Ford actually wouldn't do, because he loves his brother for who he is).

Old Man McGucket himself personally funds The Stan O'War II expedition (not just the boat itself but stuff like the passports, paperwork, living expenses, ect.) just to keep Ford on the ocean, as far away from other people as possible.

And this is a sane Steve Jobs -esque Old Man McGucket who was never traumatized by the nightmare realm because of Ford. That's how much of a jerk this Ford is.

Follow Up

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　𝗧𝗜𝗞𝗧𝗢𝗞 𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗦 | 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝟰

　　　　　　　　　𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 x reader

SUMMARY: 4 times that Y/N and Matt made a couple's trend on tiktok.

WARNING: None.

REQUESTED?: Kinda?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism, copy, or "inspiration"! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

1. Decorating my boyfriend's car super girly and seeing his reaction

Going downstairs quietly so as not to wake anyone, considering it was still too early for any of the triplets - and even Y/N - to be awake, Y/N entered the garage. Matt's car, an impeccably clean black one, was there, parked and oblivious to what was coming.

The girl turned on the room light and made sure she had closed the door before finally unlocking the car ones by simply touching the small control in her hands.

Opening the driver's door with her unoccupied hand, Y/N climbed in, sitting down on the seat, a sound of complaint escaping her throat as she noticed how far and low the seat was - obviously adjusted for Matt's height. She quickly adjusted the position of it until she felt comfortable and, finally, put her phone in the support attached to the lower center of the windowshield, exactly where the boys supported their camera during car videos, her right hand instinctively flying towards the ceiling lights, turning it on.

Y/N unlocked the device and quickly browsed through the apps until she found TikTok, opening it and entering the recording space, adjusting the focus to ensure that every detail was captured, and pressed the red button.

"Good morning, TikTok!" The girl muttered in a low tone, a mischievous glint clearly apparent in her eyes. "Today, I'm going to do the biggest trolling of all in my boyfriend's car. Let’s turn it into a real preppy car!"

Y/N started by taking the first piece from the box of items she had prepared: a pink fuzzy cover for the steering wheel. The cover was a vibrant pink, with a soft, cozy feel to the touch.

Y/N carefully slid the cover over its right place, making sure every inch was covered and fitted perfectly. The fluff glowed below the yellow light, giving the steering wheel a luxurious, exaggerated appearance.

Then, she picked up two pink cup holders, filled with glitter, both twinkling every time the light hit one of them, as if it was full of little stars. Y/N laughed to herself as she placed them on the center console's cup rests, fitting them in and smiling widely when she noticed how perfect the size was.

"Matt will love putting our morning Starbucks here, for sure.” The girl murmured, looking up and sending a wink towards the camera.

The next step was to decorate the air conditioning vents. Y/N had bought several mini pink decorations, also full of glitter, each one more extravagant than the last. There were little hearts, stars, and even some fake diamonds. She carefully attached each to the air vents, adjusting until they were all secure and at a good enough distance to notice them all.

"Get ready for style and glamor to be blown throughout the car when Chris asks Matt to turn on the air conditioning during videos." She joked while still adjusting the last small items.

The car's gearshift could not be forgotten. Y/N pulled out a smaller sized pink fuzzy cover, specially designed. It was soft to the touch, matching the steering wheel cover perfectly. She slid it over the gear, adjusting it so it was secure, her right hand closing around the cover, smiling as she felt the small hairs caressing her palm.

Finally, to complete the look, Y/N took a pink diamond-shaped pendant, stretching her upper body upwards and extending her hands, hanging it around the rearview mirror. The pendant swayed slightly by itself, reflecting the light and casting small colored reflections throughout the interior of the all car.

"I feel like I'm in Barbie: a Fashion Fairytale." Y/N said, letting out a nasal laugh, resting her back against the backrest of the seat so that her eyes could analyze every corner of the car, admiring her final work.

She then turned her attention back to her cell.

"Alright, guys, the car is ready. Now we just need to wait for Matt to wake up and see his reaction."

The video stopped at that moment before it returned seconds later.

"I went upstairs after fixing the last details and woke up Matt, I made up that I was hungry, but that I wanted to have breakfast at a café." Y/N began with a hushed tone, now sitting in the passenger seat, her phone now in her hands. "I waited for him to get up and get ready before telling him I would wait for him in the car."

It didn't take long and soon Y/N heard Matt's footsteps coming down the stairs that led to the garage, her eyes looking up in time to see the silhouette of her boyfriend appearing in the doorway. She pressed her lips into a thin line in an attempt to contain her laughter.

Her eyes followed Matt's steps, who walked quickly towards the driver's seat door, the sound of the door opening echoing through the small space was followed by anticipation on Y/N's part, who looked at the camera to Matt and back again, waiting for his reaction.

"Hey, sweet girl, I'm sorry it took me so..." He interrupted his own sentence, his movements instantly stopping for a few seconds. "Y/N! What- What did you do to my car?!" Matt's voice echoed in a tone of disbelief, the surprise evident on his face not yet visible to the phone camera.

"Come on, babe, sit down so you can take a better look at this incredible work I did just for you." The girl asked in a fake sweet tone, smiling openly and leaning her upper body over the console, extending her right arm so that her hand could touch Matt's, holding it firmly and pulling him inside.

The boy, still wide-eyed and surprised, obeyed, sitting on the leather covered seat - already arranged again to his own taste - and closing the door with a thud.

"Where- When did you even get all those things?" Matt questioned again, his blue eyes quickly traveling over every pink detail before turning his attention back to Y/N, his mouth slightly open.

"Yesterday, duh." The girl answered as if it was obvious, shrugging her shoulders before her neutral expression broke into a smile again. "Did you like it? It's pretty, right? I'm sure your videos will be much cooler now."

"Babe, oh my God." Matt's voice sounded airy, eliciting a laugh from Y/N. He didn't know where to focus his attention, different shades of pink calling his eyes from every corner. "I can't lie. It looks so good." The boy finally reached out with his hands, his fingers curling around his steering wheel, pressing lightly against the extremely fluffy fabric over his palm.

"I know, right?" Y/N responded excitedly, briefly glancing at her cell that was still recording them. "Look at the cup holder, babe!" Her tone rose as she reached out toward the console, pointing to the pink cup holder with her index finger.

"So I can put in your favorite Starbucks drink every morning, huh?" Matt lowered his gaze to the item, shaking his head amusedly as he heard his girlfriend agree excitedly.

"Next step: getting the car wrapped in pink."

"Are you crazy?"

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2. Pretending to be asleep to see my boyfriend's reaction

Y/N was home alone, comfortable silence filling every corner as she waited for Matt to return from the street. He had gone out to get a specific sweet that she had been asking for for days, and the only place where they sold it didn't deliver.

Sitting comfortably on the grey couch in the living room, the girl was immersed in TikTok videos when a new couple trend appeared on her For You Page, catching her attention; Pretending to be asleep to see my boyfriend's reaction.

Y/N didn't think twice before making the decision to join the cycle of famous couples replicating the trend, quickly leaving TikTok, and opening the location app she shared with Matt. Watching his icon move across the colorful map, she calculated that she still had a few minutes before he arrived, rising from the couch seconds later, running down the small hallway that led to their room.

First, she took the plush, gray bedspreads off the bed, folding it and leaving it on Matt's gaming chair. The soft light from the already turned on lamp created a calm and welcoming atmosphere, perfect for what she had in mind.

She then adjusted her phone on the nightstand on her side of the bed, ensuring the camera was pointed directly at the mattress and the space Matt would enter, propping it against the lamp and organizing the minimal decorations that was always above the furniture around the device in a way that it disguised its existence there.

Checking the app again, she saw that Matt was just a few blocks away. Y/N hurried to lay down, adjusting herself comfortably but naturally.

She turned slightly to her back, rescuing Matt's pillow and hugging it to her chest, not stopping herself from lightly exhaling the natural scent of her boyfriend's male shampoo and cologne that permeated into the fabric, closing her eyes and regulating her breathing to make it seem like she was actually sleeping.

A few minutes later, she finally heard Matt's footsteps echoing across the floor, going from quieter to louder, indicating that he was getting closer to the room. She kept her eyes closed, trying to contain a wide smile as her heart beat fastned.

Matt's footsteps approached the door, the sound of it opening echoing after, the familiar sound of the paper bag he was carrying filling Y/N's ears.

"Babe, I found the one that you wanted, and guess what? They had just made it!" Matt started talking as soon as he entered the space, his voice excited and loud, before noticing the silence in the room.

The boy looked up, his eyes running around before noticing his girlfriend lying on their shared bed, lowering his voice when he noticed her apparently sleeping figure, his expression softening immediately, a small smile settling on his lips.

He closed the door behind him with a soft click, walking with steps of a feather towards the bed, the sound of his sock-covered feet tapping against the wooden floor gently echoing through the four walls.

His busy hand placed the bag with the sweet on the nightstand beside his side before he approached the edge of the bed, admiration written all over his face as he looked at Y/N.

He bent his knees slightly, curving his upper body over the mattress and bringing his face closer to Y/N's head, using his left hand to support his own weight, just watching her sleep for a few seconds, a tender smile on her face.

Matt then lowered his head so that his face was close to hers, sealing his lips over her forehead and head repeatedly, but very lightly and slowly, without the intention of waking her up.

"You're so beautiful when you sleep, you know that?" He whispered, his voice filled with affection, stroking the side of her face lightly with the tip of his nose before reaching out with his right hand, gently brushing away the loose strands of hair with his fingertips, taking them away from her eyes, being careful. His touch was light, almost like a gentle breeze.

Matt looked around, noticing the phone on Y/N's nightstand, but didn't suspect anything thanks to the low brightness of the screen. He just smiled, enjoying the moment, taking note of how the surroundings seemed as calm as ever.

Taking the corner of the duvet that was at the foot of the bed, he gently pulled it over his girlfriend, making sure she was comfortable and warm, petting the thick fabric lightly, molding it to his girl's body.

Then he got up again, reaching his hands to his bedside table, taking the bag with the sweet he had brought between his fingers. It was an angel cake with strawberry filling and whipped cream, Y/N's favorite.

The boy took the box with the cake out of the bag, being careful not to make any loud sounds, leaving the brown paper bag on the wood surface before walking towards Y/N's bedside table slowly, leaving the frame of the phone's front camera for a few seconds, placing the small white cardboard box above it.

"Hope you like it." The brunette murmured again, more to himself than to her.

Matt then returned to his side of the bed, resting his right hand on the mattress and taking off his socks before finally laying down next to her, being careful not to make too much noise or sudden movements.

After snuggling as best he could under the duvet, he turned on his side, bringing the front of his body closer to the back of Y/N's one, wrapping an arm around her waist slowly, gently pulling her closer, his hand automatically finding its way under the oversized t-shirt that covered Y/N's upper body down to her thighs, snaking his hand across the soft skin of his girl's stomach and finding home beneath her right breast, just as he did every day, not seeming to notice the shiver that ran through her body, closing his eyes.

Y/N couldn't help but relax her body even more under her boyfriend's gentle touch, snuggling closer, feeling a deep peace settle in her chest, momentarily forgetting that she was even recording something.

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3. Trying the spray trend on my boyfriend

Y/N was in the bathroom she shared with Matt, her hands working on resting her phone on the marble sink in a way that it wouldn't be obvious that she was recording, the screen with low brightness already open on the TikTok app. She made sure the frontal camera was well positioned, capturing the perfect angle from the bathroom door to the area where she would be standing.

Then, Y/N bent down slightly and opened the cabinet under the sink, her right hand retrieving a spray deodorant she had recently purchased, taking off the cap and setting it aside. With everything ready, the girl turned to her cell again, pressing the record button with her thumb.

Y/N smiled playfully at the camera before turning away from the device and extending her right hand, opening the bathroom door.

"Matt!" The low, muffled sound of Matt's voice shouting back echoed down the hallway leading to the bathroom. "Babe, can you come here for a minute?"

She waited, listening to her boyfriend's footsteps approaching. His figure quickly appeared in front of the already open door, a confused look on his face.

"What's wrong, babe? Do you need help with something?"

"I bought this new deodorant that says it's unscented, but I think it has a slight lavender scent. Can you smell it and tell me what you think?" Y/N asked, her tone sounding naive, holding the spray deodorant at the height she knew would be ideal for him to reach it, and pointing the hole where the product exited upwards.

"Sure." Matt nodded, still a little confused, but willing to help. He entered the bathroom completely and approached Y/N, tilting his head closer to the area where his girlfriend was holding the spray.

Y/N pressed the button on the top of the deodorant, creating a white cloud that slowly rose. Matt leaned even closer to smell the scent, a look of genuine concentration written across his face, and at that exact moment Y/N moved quickly, closing the distance between their faces and pressing her lips softly against his.

The kiss was quick and surprising, and she could feel Matt's slight shiver of surprise, a sound of shock escaping his throat.

When she pulled away, Matt's eyes were wide, his eyelids blinking rapidly as his brain tried to assimilate what had happened, his cheeks slowly turning into a bright red hue, a small smile appearing on the corner of his lips.

"What?" A loud laugh escaped Y/N's mouth as she watched his reaction, noticing his shy expression.

"You're a little devil." Matt shook his head comically. His tongue acted on its own as it escaped his mouth, passing his lips carefully, the taste of mint flooding his palate. "Is that mint?"

"Maybe." Y/N replied with the ghost of a smile, vaguely remembering how she had applied the Space Camp mind lip balm a few minutes earlier.

"Can I have another taste of it?"

"Matt!"

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4. Using my scary dog ​​privilege to walk alone at night

It was a quiet, cool evening as Y/N and Matt were taking a walk after a nice dinner at a home-cooked Italian restaurant close to their home.

Y/N's eyes swept the deserted streets in front of her, quickly looking back over her shoulder, taking note of Matt a few steps behind her body, vaguely remembering a TikTok she had watched earlier that day, the environment around them reminding her a lot of the one in the video.

With that, she decided to record one, too.

And how she was when she was beautiful

The girl was now holding her phone in her right hand, her screen with TikTok already open in the recording area staring back at her, the sound of the Babooshka song melody playing at a low volume from her speakers.

Her half-closed eyes were fixed on the front camera, which recorded her face contorted into a small smirk, her hair moving around her face as if it was planned, a consequence of the light wind that surrounded her and her measured steps, which never stopped.

She signed the letter

Y/N slightly raised her hand that was holding her cell so that the camera now captured the view from behind her back.

All yours

The video captured the image of Matt following in her footsteps, his body completely covered in black clothing, making a perfect contrast with the yellow night lights coming from the tall poles above their heads.

His posture was erect and his head remained high, his arms crossed so that his biceps were visible against the thin fabric of his black shirt and a serious expression resting on his face - as usual -, his eyes fixed straight ahead, as if he was on alert of everything, accompanied by his furrowed eyebrows, giving an impression of anger to anyone who saw him from afar.

Y/N, watching the image through the tilted phone screen that was still recording her boyfriend, felt a shiver run down her spine; a small, satisfied smile blooming on her face.

Matt was definitely a scary Doberman by her side.

taglist:

@lustfulslxt @ladybunny44 @worldlxvlys @earth2starkey @remussbitch @freshloveforthefit @sturniolowhore @luvr4miya @alorsxsturn @urfavgirllyyyyy @hearts4chriss @cupidzsq @dracoflaco @junnniiieee07 @lightsgore @gidgett11037 @ksskianshd @soimightlikeoldmen69 @ldr-sl0t @its-jennarose @sainzzsturns @ecliphttlunar @soso-scarlettolivia @bitchydragonparadise @freshsturns @h3arts4harry @patscorner @strnilolo @bernardsbendystraws @mattsneezing @poetatorturadaa @meg-sturniolo @orangeypepsi @jnkvivi @chrisactualwife @fratbrochrisgf @elordilover @somegirlfromasgard @hpyjw @annamcdonalds67

(If you want to be added to the taglist, go to this post)

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The real problem with anonymity

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in TUCSON (Mar 9-10), then San Francisco (Mar 13), Anaheim, and more!

According to "the greater internet fuckwad theory," the ills of the internet can be traced to anonymity:

Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Fuckwad

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/greater-internet-fuckwad-theory

This isn't merely wrong, it's dangerously wrong. The idea that forcing people to identify themselves online will improve discourse is demonstrably untrue. Facebook famously adopted its "real names" policy because Mark Zuckerberg claimed to believe that "Having two identities for yourself is an example of a lack of integrity":

https://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2010/05/14/facebook-and-radical-transparency-a-rant.html

In service to this claimed belief, Zuckerberg kicked off the "nym wars," turning himself into the sole arbiter of what each person's true name was, with predictably tragicomic consequences:

https://www.kalzumeus.com/2010/06/17/falsehoods-programmers-believe-about-names/

Facebook is, famously, one of the internet's most polluted reservoirs of toxic interpersonal conduct. That's not despite the fact that people have to use their "real" names to participate there, but because of it. After all, the people who are most vulnerable to bullying and harassment are the ones who choose pseudonyms or anonymity so that they can speak freely. Forcing people to use their "real names" means that the most powerful bullies speak with impunity, and their victims are faced with the choice of retreat or being targeted offline.

This can be a matter of life and death. Cambodian dictator Hun Sen uses Facebook's real names policy to force dissidents to unmask themselves, which exposes them to arbitrary detention, torture, and extrajudicial killing. For members of the Cambodian diaspora, the choice is to unmask themselves or expose their family back home to retaliation:

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/meghara/facebook-cambodia-democracy

Some of the biggest internet fuckwads I've ever met – and I've met some big ones! – were utterly unashamed about using their real names. Some of the nicest people I know online have never told me their offline names. Greater internet fuckwad theory is just plain wrong.

But that doesn't mean that anonymity is totally harmless. There is a category of person who reliably uses a certain, specific kind of anonymity to do vicious things that inflicts serious harm on whole swathes of people: corporate bullies.

Take Tinyletter. Tinyletter is a beloved newsletter app that was created to help people who just wanted to talk to others, without a thought to going viral or getting rich. It was sold to Mailchimp, which was sold to Intuit, who killed it:

https://www.theverge.com/24085737/tinyletter-mailchimp-shut-down-email-newsletters

Tinyletter was a perfect little gem of a service. It cost almost nothing to run, and made an enormous number of peoples' lives better every day. Shutting it down was an act of corporate depravity by some faceless Intuit manager who woke up one day and said "Fuck all those people. Just fuck them."

No one knows who that person was. That person will never have to look those people in the eyes – those people whose lives were made poorer for that Intuit executive's indifference. That person is the greater fuckwad, and that fuckwaddery depends on their anonymity.

Or take @Pixsy, a corporate shakedown outfit that helps copyleft trolls trick people into making tiny errors in Creative Commons attributions and then intimidates them into handing over thousands of dollars:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/01/24/a-bug-in-early-creative-commons-licenses-has-enabled-a-new-breed-of-superpredator/

Copyleft trolling is an absolutely depraved practice, a petty grift practiced by greedy fuckwads who are completely indifferent to the harm they cause – even if it means bankrupting volunteer-run nonprofits for a buck:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/02/commafuckers-versus-the-commons/

Pixsy claims that it is proud of its work "defending artists' rights," but when I named the personnel who signed their names to these profoundly unethical legal threats, Pixsy CEO Kain Jones threatened to sue me:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/13/an-open-letter-to-pixsy-ceo-kain-jones-who-keeps-sending-me-legal-threats/

The expectation of corporate anonymity runs deep and the press is surprisingly complicit. I once spent weeks working on an investigative story about a multinational corporation's practices. I spent hours on the phone with the company's VP of communications, over the course of many calls. When we were done, they said, "Now, of course, you can't name me in the article. All of that has to be attributed to 'a spokesperson.'"

I was baffled. Nothing this person said was a secret. They weren't blowing the whistle. They weren't leaking secrets. They were a corporate official, telling me the official corporate line. But they wouldn't sign their name to it.

I wrote an article about for the Guardian. It was the only Guardian column any of my editors there ever rejected, in more than a decade of writing for them:

https://memex.craphound.com/2012/05/14/anodyne-anonymity/

Given the press's deference to this anodyne anonymity, it's no wonder that official spokespeople expect this kind of anonymity. I routinely receive emails from corporate spokespeople disputing my characterization of their employer's conduct, but insisting that I not attribute their dubious – and often blatantly false – statements to them by name.

These are the greater corporate fuckwads, who commit their sins from behind a veil of anonymity. That brand of bloodless viciousness, depravity and fraud absolutely depends on anonymity.

Mark Zuckerberg claimed that "multiple identities" enabled bad behavior – as though it was somehow healthy for people to relate to their bosses, lovers, parents, toddlers and barbers in exactly the same way. Zuckerberg's motivation was utterly transparent: having "multiple identities" doesn't mean you "lack integrity" – it just makes it harder to target you for ads.

But Zuckerberg couldn't enshittify Facebook on his own. For that, he relies on a legion of anonymous Facebook managers. Some of these people undoubtably speak up for Facebook users' interests when their colleagues propose putting them in harm's way for the sake of some arbitrary KPI. But the ones who are making those mean little decisions? They absolutely rely on anonymity to do their dirty work.

Name your price for 18 of my DRM-free ebooks and support the Electronic Frontier Foundation with the Humble Cory Doctorow Bundle.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/04/greater-corporate-fuckward-theory/#counterintuit-ive

[terrifiedtrinket]

TW. YAPPING!!!!! and i think i say cum once or twice probablie

TGE TROLLS WOULD NOT SMELL GOOD !!!!!

i feel like at most they smell neutral??? or however tf bugs smell

but especially like while and before they play the game?? at the very least they dont smell traditionally nice.

they dont smell like flowrrs and nice things

ESPECIALLY NEPETA!!!! SHE SMELLS LIKE DEAD THINGS MOST OF THE TIME!! SHE STINKS OF ANIMAL AND BLOOD AND SWEAT AND SHE DOESNT SHOWER SHE LIVES IN A CAVE

like no hate to the person who said she would smell like sour candy but like….. why?

i feel like if the troll blood castes were scented, olive blood would have a more natural scent and they wouldn’t be sweet

AND EVEN THEM SHES STILL STINKY!!!!!

the meowrails stink. i love them. but they stink.

equius smells like BO and motor oil and nepeta probably smells like cat piss.

ALSOOOSODOSOSOSO i feel like it’s really weird when people imply or headcanon that the trolls have flavored cum?? like tht feels weird

i feel like even if they did it probably wouldnt be human flavors like chocolate

i dont even wanna think about what i think their cum would taste like tho so im not even gonna try to form an opinion. you do u mann(or do the homestuck trolls ig bc clearly thats ur thing)

UH

i mean clearly not all of their smells are unbearable because clearly the humans dont mind it too much(or at least dont say anything) but also a lot of the biggest offenders are dead so

gamzee smells like drugs. and. dead trolls.

he’s the only i can maybe see smelling sweet because of all the faygo

ik if they were humans they would stink too

like vriska would lie about taking showers i just know it. vriska would drench herself body spray and claim she showered.

trolls wouldn’t smell sweet at the very least

they come from murder land

they don’t smell like vanilla dream

[navy-scribble]

Sister's 4 life!!!

Its finally time!

I'm soooooo happy that all of us who worked on the @sing-it-togetherzine are getting to post our work!!! (with clearance of our lovely mods :] )

You can all find a free gumroad download link for it right here! When I fist saw the number of pages I couldn't believe it! All 138 pages of troll's content goodness for your enjoyment! I'm amazed by how much their is! :D

The main theme around every art piece, comic, and fic is relationships of all forms!

This is the biggest group project I've ever been a part of and I'm so grateful to my friends that encouraged me to join and for the mods that allowed me this opportunity! Without them I don't think I would have ever made this art peace for all of you to see right now!

I really enjoyed making this piece and I think its my favorite one yet!

I'll post the progress photos on a later date if you all want to see the thought process although the photos I took are kinda bad so you might have to forgive me for that ,:]

Anyway I hope you all love it as much as I did making it! ^^)/