#The author does not know who you are!!! Introducing yourself by way of engaging with the fic is WHY WE HAVE COMMENTS IN THE FIRST PLACE

[honestlyvan]

I really should remember to add this to the body of the post, but Rekudo has counterspam built into it XD you can only rekudos a fic once a day -- if you’re rereading a fic MORE than once a day then at that point you really should be looking into leaving comments instead. May I recommend the sister toolset for that?

[image: a banner for AO3 ReKudos Converter. between the Kudos button and the Comments button is an Uno Reverse type symbol; an arrow leads from the “You have already left kudos here :)” banner to a comment by “You” reading “This is an extra kudos, since I’ve already left one. :)”]

I made a userscript that will automatically turn a pointless click of the kudos button into a customisable automatic comment on the fic!

>> Get the script here <<

The script was made to work with Tampermonkey, so you may need to change the formatting to work with other JS userscript managers.

You can install Tampermokey for Firefox from here.

[EDIT 12/11/2022] The extension version of Rekudo is still live for those of you need it, but I remind everyone that it’s not the supported version of the script and is thus lacking features. The comment assist functions are fully functional, but it lacks the prompt list that the userscript version of Comment Assist has – you will just get a random prompt that says “random prompt” on mode 2 because it will not load the file with the correct prompts. Modes 1 and 3 work just fine.

Actually, Comment Assist is ready to go and fully functional also! I’ll try to make a separate post about it – the plan was always to have Rekudo provide comment prompts for those who wanted to do more than just say “second kudos!” but didn’t know where to begin, but I lost steam on this project due to a negative reaction I got from people wanting more thoughtful comments. Oh well, perfect is the enemy of the good.

[aperrywilliams]

That Wasn't Fake (Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader)

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Author Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader.

Request: Can you write a Spencer fic where the reader is kind of quiet and shy when she begins working at the BAU, and Spencer has a crush on her, and then they have a case, and she has to like to seduce the unsub lowkey and everyone kind of like...how is she going to do this shes not very outgoing but when she does shes really good at it, and everyone is surprised and impressed.

Summary:  You're shy and reserved. Spencer has a crush on you, and unbeknown to him, you have a crush on him. Maybe the cat can get out of the bag when you have to step aside of your comfort zone to catch an elusive unsub.

Word Count: 4.2k (no self control here)

Warnings: Words like 'fuck' and 'bitch'. A rant about self-doubt. Typical CM stuff: unsubs, killings, etc.

A/N: Another request I loved! It should have been a little shorter, but I'm having a hard time getting to the point these days. Please keep sending requests!

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Spencer knows it is inappropriate, but he can't help it. You're coworkers, and that itself sets a boundary, so he shouldn't be thinking of trespassing.

But the crush he has on you seems to grow every day.

He doesn't know if it is your beautiful smile, the kindness you show in everything you do, or the enthusiasm you put into every task you are committed to. Since the moment he saw you pass the bullpen glass doors, Spencer knew he was damned.

From that moment, Spencer knew he wanted to know you and learn everything about you. About what you liked, what you hated, and what your fears and dreams were. Everything.

But not much after that revelation in his mind, he understood it wasn't going to be easy to get to you.

You were extremely shy and reserved.

In fact, your first interaction - when Emily introduced you both - consisted of a wave of your hand and a timid 'nice to meet you.'

He thought as time went by, you would loosen and become less bashful and quiet. And in part, he was right. As the months passed, you began to feel more comfortable within the team. You laughed at Luke's jokes, you commented on Rossi's stories, and you could even - when the stars aligned - crack a joke yourself to Tara or Matt.

But beyond that, no one knew much about your life outside of the BAU, unlike JJ, who always talks about her kids and her husband, or Matt, who talks about his kids, too. Or Tara, who recounts her failed dates. Or the same Luke who always shows photos of Roxy.

You, on the other hand, seemed to be an enigma. But Spencer Reid loved decoding enigmas.

At first, he turned his interest in you out of mere scientific curiosity. However, internally, he knew it wasn't just that.

It started with small random questions about the times you worked together: Is this coffee okay? What was the last book you read? Do you think we should buy some donuts for the team?

If you were honest, it picked your interest why, from all people, Dr. Spencer Reid was so adamant in making conversation with you.

From what you knew and from what the team said, Spencer was not a person very interested in things other than work or books. But suddenly, out of nowhere, he asked you what the last movie you saw was or something like that.

You always answered his questions; however, you would have liked to be much more talkative and engage in longer conversations, but your nature stopped you.

'What if I don't have anything more interesting for him to say?'

'Does he just talk to me because he feels sorry for me?'

And that was the big issue: you have never had problems with the way you live your life. You're pretty satisfied with what you do in your job and out of it, too. But you have always thought you are too 'simple' to entertain people's interest.

And to be honest, being surrounded by people with so much experience and big things happening in their lives still intimidates you a bit. So, you usually refrain from talking too much about yourself or anything for that matter.

But with Spencer, things are a bit different. He's always checking on you but respects your boundaries. He has learned that sometimes you just don't want to talk, and he doesn't push.

Despite his interest beyond the professional, Spencer would never do anything to make you uncomfortable. Being able to share time with you will have to be enough for him.

In a way, he has become your protector. He is your backup during interrogations or in situations where you can feel awkward, like the times when some police officers tried to flirt with you and got too close. Sure, you know how to turn them down, but sometimes guys don't get the memo and keep pushing. You're too shy to yell or be aggressive about it.

The team also understands the way you are, and they know it does not make you any less professional. However, they have always been careful not to take you too much out of your comfort zone.

---------------

A whole two weeks and five murders later, the team is stuck trying to catch an unsub who has preferences for killing women after club nights. The profile says he is not interested in just any woman but in those between 25-30 years old who like to flirt with several men in the clubs. But it is not just any type of flirting; it is the type that is initiated and dominated by them. In short, he likes to kill women who are the opposite of submissive. He sees them as predators on a hunting ground.

Another finding in victimology is that the women he kills, in addition to having a specific age range, have very similar physical characteristics. And similar to you.

All his victims have your build, eye color, hair color, and height. It gets to be creepy to a certain point. And it's something difficult to ignore.

Bouncing information and possible strategies, the team agrees they need to be proactive to get him to show up before another killing happens.

"Okay, what options do we have?" Emily asks.

"The witnesses haven't gotten us anywhere," Luke complains.

"Although we've narrowed down his hunting grounds," Rossi shrugs.

"Yeah, we know the clubs where he likes to hunt," JJ backs Rossi.

"But although the profile, we have yet to learn about what to look for there. I mean, we know what the unsub wants, but not how he looks like." This time, it's Tara who speaks.

You've rarely seen Emily bite her tongue when she wants to say something, but it's clear that she has something on her mind, and she doesn't know how to put it, or maybe the problem is something else. You look at her out of the corner of your eye, and she looks back at you; what do those eyes say? They look like they're even apologetic.

It's a fraction of the time before she comes back to behave like herself.

"We need to lurk him. It's the only way," she says. And everyone's eyes - yours included - are on her immediately.

"Lurk him?" Matt repeats.

"Yes. And all we know who should be the one going undercover to do that," Emily adds, looking at you this time.

That's it—the elephant in the room.

Of course, you're the ideal candidate. Well, you're perfect in the physical aspect because if we talk about the victim's personality and yours...

There's silence in the room, and you can feel like the team's eyes are all on you.

Do they expect you to say no? To refuse? From your perspective, it's not a question; it's more like the option you all have to catch the guy.

"It's true (Y/N) would be the closest to the unsub type, but there are a lot of things to take into account," Matt says. And you know perfectly well what's behind his words, even if he doesn't say it directly.

And that's okay; it's perfectly plausible they have their doubts. It is not enough to look like the victims for the operation to work.

But if there is one thing you are sure of, it's that you will always give your all to your job, even if that means becoming a completely different person.

"I can do it," you mumbled so quietly that if the AC weren't in the lower setting, people wouldn't have heard you.

"But (Y/N), you know about this guy. It's dangerous," Matt points, a frown on his face.

"Not to mention he likes rough interactions," Luke adds.

"You don't have to do it if you feel uncomfortable." This time, it is JJ who voices her opinion. And you know, that's the closest reason to the team's main concern.

And the fact you can blow up the entire plan.

Spencer stays in silence. Internally he's freaking out thinking of you having to lurk on the unsub, but he knows you are a professional. And he feels a kind of deja vu.

When he was younger, the team would have said the same about him doing something like that. Spencer knows what it's like when people baby you, making you feel insecure. Sure, he hasn't had to worry about that anymore. Spencer is almost forty, and no one would dare to tell him he can't do something. Not after all the things he has been through.

"JJ is right, Bella. You don't have to do it. We can think of another way," Rossi backs JJ.

That's when Spencer notices the slight frown on your face. It's invisible to everyone but him. He knows it's there.

You stay collected, even when everyone on the team has something to say about how bad the idea of you going undercover to lurk the unsub is.

Emily is who stops everyone's rant.

"Guys, hey. If (Y/N) is telling us she can do it, we're going to do it. Of course, we'll be there to back up her and catch this unsub."

And this is how the discussion is settled.

Emily sends everyone out with a task to prepare for the night. Today is Friday, and the unsub will surely be stalking some new victim. The chances are high.

When it's just you and Spencer in the room, he still looks at you in silence.

"Do you also think I'll not be able to pull off this mission and I'm going to ruin everything?"

You downcast your gaze, exhaling deeply.

"No. I don't think that," Spencer clarifies, and you raise your gaze to meet his eyes. "You are more than capable, (Y/N). The team is worried because you'll be out of your comfort zone in a dangerous situation."

"The team? Not you?" You narrow your eyes to him.

You try not to sound accusatory, but if you're as scared as everyone, you also are fed up with the other's doubts.

Spencer closes the distance between you both but doesn't invade your personal space.

"Of course, I'm worried too! I don't want anything bad to happen to you. But I trust you and your judgment."

Your heart does flip-flops, and you're not sure if it's because Spencer is worried or because, despite that, he trusts you—or both.

"You do?" You ask, not so convinced.

Spencer nods and smiles at you.

"And we'll be there when you catch the guy."

If that is the reassurance you need, you don't mention it. Instead, you grin at Spencer as a promise you'll do your job just how you are supposed to.

---------------

You insist on getting ready in your hotel room. The only assistant you ask for is Emily. She was the one who trusted you first in this, so you'll take every piece of advice she can give you before this night starts.

Everyone has a role in the plan.

Rossi will be the chauffeur who will drive you to the club.

Luke and Spencer would be in the club, mingling with the patrons. JJ, Matt, and Emily would be in the van monitoring the whole situation with cameras and earpieces. Rossi would keep his facade as a driver so he could be at one of the entrances. Tara would be at the club, too, eyeing nothing suspicious going on in the bar because there is a chance the unsub is getting help from the bartender.

When you are in front of the mirror applying the last touch of makeup, Emily is looking at you with a stare you can't decipher.

"What?" you ask, and Emily chuckles.

"Please, don't take this in a bad way, but I never thought I would live the day of seeing you using clothing like this. And Jesus, you look so hot!"

Your cheeks redens.

"It's a little bit odd coming from my boss, don't you think?" you muse, smoothing the fabric of your dress.

"Point taken," Emily raises her hands in defense. "Although I know someone who is going to run out of breath after seeing you."

You let out a scoff. It's not a surprise for you. The BAU girls - boss included - have been trying to set you up with Spencer since forever. You don't entertain the idea only because you don't think it's possible and not because you don't like the concept.

"Come on, don't say that. You are not helping to my nerves."

"Sorry, I'll shut up. We should go, though," Emily says, checking her watch.

One of the SUVs drives you to the van parking point. You needed to review the operation details.

At the back of the van - or commander point - JJ, Luke, Tara, Rossi, Matt, and Spencer see you come up with Emily.

For the best US profilers, they're not doing a good job hiding that they are gawking at you. Surely, no one imagined seeing you in such a revealing outfit. Outfit that, without a doubt, suits you extremely well, highlighting all your body attributes.

Spencer feels like he died and was resurrected after seeing you.

"Okay, guys, we need to check the details again," Emily announces.

The plan is in motion, and everyone is in position.

As expected, you arrive with Rossi at the club, who opens the door for you and helps you descend from the car. Rossi gives you a reassuring smile before letting you go.

Like a switch, you are no longer the shy SSA (Y/L/N). Now you are the woman who is going to take what she wants and attract the unsub attention doing that.

Your walk is determined, and your eyes send out flames of confidence to those who look at you. The music is very loud, something that would usually bother you, but not now. This needs to feel like your environment. That's how you like it, you tell yourself.

Almost instantly, you start to attract the looks of men who are eager for a woman like you.

You exude determination, and you don't go unnoticed.

Walking into the club, you make brief eye contact with Luke, who is on the dance floor. You see Spencer perched in a booth, nursing a beer.

At the same time, Tara is stationed at the bar.

"Remember (Y/N); the unsub expects the woman to approach men. The flirt needs to come from you," Emily reminds you by the earpiece hidden in one of the earrings you're wearing.

"Show time," you mumble to yourself.

You walk seductively to the dance floor, where a young man is dancing with a blonde. You approach and whisper something in his ear. That makes the boy completely lose interest in the blonde and start dancing with you. You smile and cling to the man's body, who wastes no time and takes your hips as if they were his possessions.

That dance certainly has nothing innocent about it. You continue whispering things in the boy's ear, and he looks more and more excited. Once you consider it a reasonable amount of time to have attracted attention, you leave the boy alone and head to the bar. Just a few meters away from Tara, a suspicious man is staring at you. You see him out of the corner of your eye as you order a drink. When the bartender passes it to you, you make subtle eye contact with Tara, who nods, indicating that the drink is clean.

You look next to you and see another man not so subtly looking at you. You know the unsub's profile, and you can't be intimidated or dominated by another man. You are the one who calls the shots. Otherwise, this will not work.

Before the man makes his attempt to seduce you, you turn to him, and with a penetrating look and disdainful voice, you stop him.

"Sorry, honey. Don't waste your time. You're not my type," and with that, you leave to move to the opposite side of the club. The guy huffs, and you're almost sure hearing him call you 'bitch' under his breath.

JJ, who's following the cameras inside the club, sees someone who looks suspect.

"Hey, this guy has been peeking at (Y/N) the entire time, and look, he clenched his fists when (Y/N) turned down that guy at the bar."

Emily confirms JJ's observation before giving you the next instructions.

"(Y/N), you're doing great. We have a possible target. So we need to raise the bet."

You know exactly what Emily means. You both had talked about the strategy to follow, having more details about what you should do than the rest of the team.

Matt and JJ look confused at each other but say nothing.

Your next step is to find another dude to seduce before delivering the coup de grace.

Luke and Spencer keep an eye on you. And while Luke is pleasantly surprised by your audacity, Spencer can't help but feel his stomach tighten. He tells himself it's because he is afraid something bad could happen to you, but inside of him, it's that and the fact of seeing you flirt with other men.

Just like you did with the guy on the dance floor, you attract the attention of another man; this time, you take his hand and pull him to the dance floor.

JJ and Matt's jaws drop to the floor. If Tara, Luke, and Spencer could do the same without giving themselves away, they would have done it, too.

As if it were your second nature, you laugh and move to the music. The man seems to enjoy the moment so much that he takes a bold step by leaning in to kiss you. You let him get closer until his lips are almost on yours. But before touching each other, you pull back with a malicious smile.

"Naughty boy. I'm who says if you can kiss or no," you pout, faking disappointment. Dizzed, the guy cocks his head and sees you walk away.

Matt chirps now. "It's him. Look boss," he tells Prentiss, pointing to the same guy JJ saw before.

There is no longer any doubt that it is him. Now you just have to catch him red-handed.

"(Y/N), we got him. It's time for the last play," Emily tells you.

With Emily's instruction, you go to the bar for another drink before heading over to where Spencer is sitting.

He tries to play it off, but he has no idea why you're approaching him.

"Is this seat taken, handsome?" You ask, with your drink in hand.

"N- no. Please," Spencer gestures to the booth on his front, but you opt to perch to his side. Spencer thinks he never has been this close to you. He looks at your eyes, and it's like you are a totally different person. It's a little bit contradictory for him, to be honest. He already likes you just as you are, but this version of you? It's driving him insane.

Some resemblance of your true self looks with a kind of curiosity the nervousness on Spencer. You don't think much about it; you assume he's playing the nervous guy who is baffled by you.

The thing is, Spencer isn't playing. He's definitely baffled by you.

"Are you okay?" You ask him, masking your question with a seductive smile.

"Yeah. Are - are you?" Spencer stutters a bit—something that is perfect for the plan but embarrassing for him.

You get closer to him to speak in his ear.

"This was Emily's idea," you tell him before kissing his ear and gently biting his lobe.

Spencer's breath hitches in his throat, and he thinks he's going to pass out any second. You're not doing it better: your heart is also pumping hard from the adrenaline. Of course, you had imagined something like that with Spencer, but only in your erotic dreams. You wouldn't dare do this on any given day.

You keep teasing Spencer, who, despite the nervousness, tries to play along. If this is the closest he will ever have you, he wants to engrave this in his memory.

"Just a little push, (Y/N). We almost have him," Emily instructs by the earpiece.

You swallow as subtly as possible as you wrap your arm around Spencer's neck, pulling him closer to you.

It's only a second between that action and the fact that you're kissing Spencer like it's your last meal.

Spencer doesn't know how to respond, and you were counting on that; it was enough time for the unsub to notice that you were the one who chose her last prey.

When Spencer is about to reciprocate the kiss, you murmur a 'sorry' into his lips and quickly pull away, giving him a disdainful look—which you hope he understands is fake—before getting up and walking toward the back exit door.

As expected, the unsub follows you towards the back door, and while your back is turned, he believes he has the advantage to attack you. What he doesn't know is that Matt and Luke are ready to lunge at him the moment he tries to touch you.

Everything that happens after is too fast.

The unsub is detained and taken to a patrol car while the team gathers around you, congratulating you on the successful operation. They all apologize to you for their previous apprehensions. You tell them that you understand and that there is no need to apologize. And it's like the switch has been flipped again since you came out of the femme fatale role.

But something is wrong. Spencer is not in the group. You see him a little further away, near the exit door of the club. Emily notices the looks between you both, and she sends the team on different tasks to close the case, leaving you and Spencer there.

There's something in his eyes that you can't decipher. You think it's resentment for using him without warning him what you were going to do.

You shyly approach him.

"It's me again," you tell him, pulling a face. You don't know what to say to make the situation better. Spencer nods.

"Yeah. You did it great, by the way," he compliments you. But it doesn't feel good like Spencer's compliments usually do.

"Look, about the kiss back there-" you start. He needs an explanation as a bare minimum.

"I know. It was fake," Spencer cuts you off.

Those words shouldn't hurt you as they do now. But isn't that the most reasonable thing to believe? The you in the club weren't you, so all you did inside was pretend.

Everything except that kiss.

If it's true you couldn't enjoy it the way you would have liked, you will never forget his lips on yours.

A tense silence takes over the moment. This is not okay.

You can't afford to lie to one of the most important people in your life, even if telling the truth takes you out of your comfort zone.

What the hell! Tonight has already been a total of 180 from a usual day for you.

"It wasn't," you mumble, and you see his eyes flicking to yours in a second.

"What?" Spencer asks, narrowing his eyes at you.

"Everything was fake, but not the kiss," you say with a stadied voice this time.

Spencer's heart races again. If you say you didn't fake it, then what he felt on your part at that moment was real?

"It wasn't fake?" He asks for clarification. You nod.

A smirk forms on Spencer's lips, seeing your cheeks redden.

There you are. The girl he had fallen for in the past two years.

"Well, you know that I am a man of science, right?" he tells you, and you frown because you have no idea where this is going.

"I know," you say with some hesitation.

"And as a man of science, I need evidence of things, you know?"

Now, you are the one who smirks at him.

"Evidence, huh?"

"Yep," he says, emphasizing the 'p' and swaying his body on his feet. You hum.

"I believe I can provide the necessary evidence if you need them," you concede, and Spencer's eyes sparkle with excitement.

Now, he is the one who reaches out and cups your cheeks. Your breathing quickens, but that doesn't stop you from standing on your tiptoes and connecting your lips with his.

This time, there is no unsub, no curious eyes are looking at you, there is no rush, there is no femme fatale role, and above all, this is not fake; it's as real as the fact that your heart beats for him, and his for you.

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Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger @khxna @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden @dysphoricsanity @levi-of-starz @themoonchildwhofell @silver138 @lovelybaka @shinytinywhispers 

[copperbadge]

I'm getting depressingly good at identifying the formula for Pop Academic Books About ADHD.

Regardless of their philosophy it pretty much goes like this:

1. Emotionally sensitive essay about the struggle of ADHD and the author's personal experience with it as both a person with ADHD and a healthcare professional.

2. Either during or directly following this, a lightly explicated catalogue of symptoms, illustrated by anecdotes from patient case studies. Optional: frequent, heavy use of metaphor to explain ADHD-driven behavior.

3. Several chapters follow, each dedicated to a symptom; these have a mini-formula of their own. They open with a patient case study, discuss the highly relatable aspects of the specific symptom or behavior, then offer some lightweight examples of a treatment for the symptom, usually accompanied by follow up results from the earlier case studies.

4. Somewhere around halfway-to-two-thirds through the book, the author introduces the more in-depth explication of the treatment system (often their own homebrew) they are advocating. These are generally both personally-driven (as opposed to suggested cultural changes, which makes sense given these books' target audience, more on this later) and composed of an elaborate system of either behavior alteration or mental reframing. Whether this system is actually implementable by the average reader varies wildly.

5. A brief optional section on how to make use of ADHD as a tool (usually referring to ADHD or some of its symptoms as a superpower at least once). Sometimes this section restates the importance of using the systems from part 4 to harness that superpower. Frequently, if present, it feels like an afterthought.

6. Summation and list of further resources, often including other books which follow this formula.

I know I'm being a little sarcastic, but realistically there's nothing inherently wrong about the formula, like in itself it's not a red flag. It's just hilariously recognizable once you've noticed it.

It makes sense that these books advocate for the Reader With ADHD undertaking personal responsibility for their treatment, since these are in the tradition of self-help publishing. They're aimed at people who are already interested in doing their own research on their disability and possible ways to handle it. It's not really fair to ask them to be policy manuals, but I do find it interesting that even books which advocate stuff like volunteering (for whatever reason, usually to do with socialization issues and isolation, often DBT-adjacent) never suggest disability activism either generally or with an ADHD-specific bent.

None of these books suggest that perhaps life with ADHD could be made easier with increased accommodations or ease of medication access, and that it might be in a person's best interest to engage in political advocacy surrounding these and other disability-related issues. Or that activism related to ADHD might help to give someone with ADHD a stronger sense of ownership of their unique neurology. Or that if you have ADHD the idea of activism or even medical self-advocacy is crushingly stressful, and ways that stress might be dealt with.

It does make me want to write one of my own. "The Deviant Chaos Guide To Being A Miscreant With ADHD". Includes chapters on how to get an actual accurate assessment, tips for managing a prescription for a controlled substance, medical and psychiatric self-advocacy for people who are conditioned against confrontation, When To Lie About Being Neurodivergent, policy suggestions for ADHD-related legislation, tips for activism while executively dysfunked, and to close the book a biting satire of the pop media idea of self-care. ("Feeling sad? Make yourself a nice pot of chicken soup from scratch and you'll feel better in no time. Stay tuned after this rambling personal essay for the most mediocre chicken soup recipe you've ever seen!" "Have you considered planning and executing an overly elaborate criminal heist as a way to meet people and stay busy?")

Every case study or personal anecdote in the book will have a different name and demographics attached but will also make it obvious that they are all really just me, in the prose equivalent of a cheap wig, writing about my life. "Kelly, age seven, says she struggles to stay organized using the systems neurotypical children might find easy. I had to design my own accounting spreadsheet in order to make sure I always have enough in checking to cover the mortgage, she told me, fidgeting with the pop socket on her smartphone."

I feel a little bad making fun, because these books are often the best resource people can get (in itself concerning). It's like how despite my dislike of AA, I don't dunk on it in public because I don't want to offer people an excuse not to seek help. It feels like punching down to criticize these books, even though it's a swing at an industry that is mainly, it seems, here to profit from me. But one does get tired of skimming the hype for the real content only to find the real content isn't that useful either.

Les (not his real name) was diagnosed at the age of 236. Charming, well-read, and wealthy, he still spent much of his afterlife feeling deeply inadequate about his perceived shortcomings. "Vampire culture doesn't really acknowledge ADHD as a condition," he says. "My sire wouldn't understand, even though he probably has it as well. You should see the number of coffins containing the soil of his homeland that he's left lying forgotten all over Europe." A late diagnosis validated his feelings of difference, but on its own can't help when he hyperfocuses on seducing mortals who cross his path and forgets to get home before sunrise. "I have stock in sunburn gel companies," he jokes.

[kiachiako]

september nct recs

my library of favorites from SEPTEMBER <3 all creds to authors

[ sorted by word count ]

series

[m] HAECHAN | settle down pt. 1 | pt. 2 | @hyuckmov — rockstar!hyuck, genre: angst, smut (18+ minors dni), fluff

oneshots

[m] MARK | sweet cream, cold brew | @lucyandthepen 26.4k — something about mark lee keeps you up at night, and you’re pretty sure that it isn’t the lingering smell of espresso on his shirt.

[m] MARK | my little doll | @haechansdoll 20k — Humans have hormones, you understand that much. But does that explain why you can't stop the filthy daydreams that fill your head whenever you see a specific redhead? Does it excuse you for getting turned on by him simply breathing in your direction? And to make matters worse, he is off-limits, if your father found out you were messing with his prized boxer? You would be chained to a tower and your red-haired crush would be used as mincemeat.

HAECHAN | one, two, three | @cherryeoniis 19k — In which you devise three different ways to get your best friend to fall in love with you, but things never really go quite as planned.

[m] JENO | summer hair = forever young | @setsugekka 18.1k — Only three weeks after being broken up with by your long time partner, you’re dragged along for your friends summer vacation plans despite your best attempts at staying home to do little more than feel sorry for yourself. Day one? Dinner and a movie. Day two? The bar down the street that smells like old socks. Day three? Well, that’s the waterpark, and the cute, blonde lifeguard that seems to make the lazy river his mainstay is a bit of a sight for sore eyes.

JAEMIN | written in ink | @cherryeoniis 15.3k — professor!jaemin, historical au (early 19th century), fluff, angst, strangers to lovers

[m] MARK | watch me | @sluttyten 14.6k — you pick up the voyeuristic habit of watching your neighbor that never closes his curtains and whose face you never see. on an unrelated note, you start dating the cute barista from down the street that also happens to live in the building across from yours. what could happen?

TAEIL | in earnest | @neonun-au 12k — a letter written in haste when you were fifteen and in love with your best friend gets sent out in the dawn of your engagement. when a reply is sent, revealing feelings you had long thought forgotten, you are left with a choice to make amidst a rather awkward visit. 

[m] JENO | fight club | @tyonfs 11.9k — after park jisung introduces you to his shady after-school activity, you realize it’s far too dangerous to be involved with the underground fight club in any way. their members are rough around the edges—except for lee jeno, who keeps you coming back for more.

MARK | a series of white lies | @tyonfs 10.5k — in which it takes you six years to accept that you’re in love with mark lee. (it takes him one.)

HAECHAN | wicked games | @cherryeoniis 10.1k — angst, fluff, suggestive, university! au, friends with benefits, fuckboy! haechan

MARK | baseball (& other disasters) | @tqmies 10k — Everyone admired Mark Lee, starting pitcher of your school’s baseball team and famed ladies man. You, on the other hand, only know him as the boy who broke your dorm lobbies microwave the first time you met.

[m] JAEHYUN | dive | @yougotthatbilly 9.2k — frat boy!Jaehyun: Jaehyun calls shotgun.

[m] RENJUN | high-waisted shorts | @tyonfs 7.8k — huang renjun might be the least committed to all this “bitch hunting” bullshit, and he doesn’t want to stoop to the level of stupidity his friends are at. that’s why he’s pissed when you’re strutting around in those high waisted shorts wherever you go, making renjun lose all sense of reason.

[m] JAEMIN | blur | @jaeminvore 7.5k — Waking up to the sunlight blazing onto your face and hungover was one thing. Waking up to the sunlight blazing onto your face, hungover and in a bed that wasn’t your own in nothing but a pair of sweatpants that were obviously not yours, was another and a punishment specifically made for you���your own personal hell.

[m] JAEHYUN | racer | @smileysuh 6.7k — street racer!Jaehyun, star-crossed lovers, secret relationship, step-brother!Johnny

[m] HAECHAN | tattoos together | @cherryeoniis 5.4k — rockstar!haechan x reader

[m] DOYOUNG | hungry for you | @sluttyten 4.9k — doyoung is your best friend’s older brother, and you hate each other until one evening you’re alone together and the tension finally breaks

HAECHAN | dance to this | @cherryeoniis 3.8k — dancer! haechan x dancer! reader, university au, slight enemies to lovers

. . .

drowning in college rn :((

xoxo <3

[happilyhertale]

Long Last Love - Aemond Targaryen x female!reader, Part 9

Summary: You are finally engaged to Aemond Targaryen. As the daughter of Daemon and Rhaenyra, you will now live in King's Landing and no longer on Dragonstone. Your marriage to Aemond is imminent, as is your life together. The relationship between Aemond and your family has never been particularly easy, but the future will show whether your love will withstand this and subsequent tensions.

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader

Warnings: In some parts Smut (uncle/niece) as well as violence

Author’s note: Hey you (:

This is the follow-up story to "Long Lost Love".

The story starts just before the wedding of Aemond and y/n and goes over the events of the first season hotd. However, the events are not quite similar to those in the series. English is my second language, please forgive me if I made any mistakes (:

18+ NSFW

Word count: 3.8k

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Aemond looks irritatedly after you as you make your way through the celebrating crowd. Absentmindedly, he takes the napkin you have thrown into his lap and folds it up. Finally he sighs and throws it on the table, this is not how he had imagined the evening to be. You feel Aemond's gaze on you, but you don't want to pay attention to him now, you want to enjoy yourself. Spotting Jace in the crowd, you walk towards him. Jace stands surrounded by a round of lords, happily raising his cup of wine as you join the round. You accept the cup of wine only too gladly, and in a few gulps the cup is emptied. Jace looks at you with amusement, "Well, it's almost like old times".

You grin as you try to swallow the huge amount of wine, wiping your mouth with your backhand.

The lords standing with Jace toast you. Laughter and conversation follow your imposing entrance. Among the lords are also some lords from the north. You strike up a conversation with a lord who reminds you of Rob. How pleased you would be if Rob were present.... But he introduces himself as Lord Rois Bolton.

"How can it be that a princess is at a ball without a dancing companion?" he asks you, with a smile on his lips.

Just as you are about to answer, Jace interferes. Already a little drunk, he almost chuckles, "... it's because her lord husband is a bore and doesn't know how to have fun"

Lord Rois looks at you, "There is a lord husband?"

You give Jace a warning look, "He's not a bore and he does indeed know how to have a good time, Jace."

Jace grins, "...I mean the fun that doesn't take place in your bed"

"Jace!" you punch him in the shoulder and he and Lord Rois laugh.

"You should definitely spend less time with Daemon. It doesn't seem to be doing you any good"

He smiles at you. You look at him seriously.

As he clears his throat, smoothes down his waistcoat and stands up straight, "My dearest sister, I apologise for my inappropriate behaviour. How would it be if you danced with me? Like we used to?"

You have to chuckle and want to suppress your smile, but it doesn't last long. Before you can take his hand, however, Lord Rois interferes, "I would like to take the opportunity of the first dance. I have never had the honour of dancing with a princess." He smiles at you and holds out his hand. You accept his hand, "Jace, you get the next dance," you smile at him.

Jace grins, "You and the men of the North," and takes another sip of his wine. Another "Jace!" leaves your lips and Jace just raises his hands apologetically. Lord Rois leads you to the dance floor.

Secretly you are a little glad that Lord Rois asked you, perhaps because you want to annoy Aemond a little. If he doesn't mind you dancing with other lords, he's welcome to watch you.

As Lord Rois leads you onto the dance floor, you realise how drunk you already are and you're glad you're holding his hand to find some stability.

Aemond doesn't really understand why you're angry with him. After all, it's nothing new that he doesn't like to dance. But you are welcome to play that game. He lets his gaze wander and sees you being led onto the dance floor by a lord. He doesn't like this sight at all, that another man is close to you and also has his hands on your body.

As he lets his gaze wander further, he sees two ladies standing in front of the main table. They keep looking sheepishly in his direction and giggling. He finds nothing more annoying than giggling ladies. But, to win the game, he has to go through with it now. He gets up from the table and walks around it, directly towards the ladies. He notices that their eyes go wide with excitement as he approaches. Once more he exhales in annoyance before turning on the charm. He bows slightly and a "Ladies" passes his lips.

Lord Rois leads you onto the dance floor. He puts his hand on your hip and narrows the distance between you, but makes sure you don't get too close. He begins to lead you slowly across the dance floor. You notice that he smells unexpectedly good. A mixture of lavender and some other herb you can't quite put your finger on. He has a handsome face too, but there are wrinkles on his face that betray that he often seems to worry.

"Do you like the view?" he whispers to you.

You blush slightly and look to the side, "I'm just trying to figure you out," you murmur.

He chuckles, "And what conclusion have you come to?"

Just as he whirls you around, your eyes fall on Aemond. He is no longer sitting at the table, but standing at the edge of the dance floor. And there he is not alone. Two ladies are standing in his immediate vicinity and seem to be talking to him. You can't believe your eyes, he has never talked to ladies in public before, and now there are two ladies standing right next to him and he seems to be talking animatedly to them. This makes you even more angry.

You turn again to Lord Rois, "I have come to the conclusion that once again a Lord of the North has strayed into the capital"

Lord Rois chuckles briefly, "That is true. But, after all, I had to make sure that Lord Rob's fascination was justified."

You give him a curious look, "Lord Rob is fascinated by the capital?"

He looks at you with a smirk, "Well, I think the capital has rather less to contribute to that."

You smile, "I see. And, is his fascination justified?"

"That remains to be seen," he replies with a grin.

You look to the side a little sheepishly, "How do you like the capital so far?"

"Well... It's not for the men of the north."

"And yet the North keeps straying here," you grin.

Lord Rois laughs, "You should pay the North a visit sometime."

You look at him again and smile, "Rob tried to convince me of that too. But as I told him, a dragon prefers the warmth."

"Mmhm you just call him Rob?" he grins at you.

You nod slightly, "Exactly, just Rob. We've been spending so much time together that at some point we skipped the formalities."

He smiles, "Yeah, I heard you got on well with Lord Rob?"

As you let your mind wander you have to smile, "Yes, we had quite a pleasant time together."

Lord Rois smiles at you, "He always spoke highly of you. But last month his wedding took place, on a small scale. He married my sister."

Your eyes grow wide and you rejoice, "Oh, of course! Bolton! How could I not have thought of it before! He told me about it. I'm really delighted. I hope they had a lovely wedding!"

You are genuinely happy for Rob and hope he finds the same love in his marriage that you found with Aemond. When the present situation is not considered.

Lord Rois continues to lead you elegantly across the dance floor. Many dancing couples are around you, who also seem to float across the floor. But still your gaze keeps falling on Aemond.

The ladies he talks to seem very attracted to him. They hang on his lips and listen attentively to what he has to say. They giggle all the time and Aemond hates giggling ladies. And that irritates you even more that he would rather stand with the giggling ladies than spend the evening with you. For weeks you have been longing for time together with Aemond. Either he was busy in various council meetings or had other duties to perform. Then at other moments it was Alyssa who needed attention and kept you from spending time together. And now he stands in the crowd and makes two ladies giggle.

As the song comes to an end, Lord Rois has led you to the edge of the dance floor. Aemond is now standing near you. The one lady seems genuinely attracted to Aemond and she makes no effort to hide it. You wonder if she doesn't realise that he is married or if she just doesn't care. Likewise, the way she talks to Aemond makes your teeth grind. She practically pushes her breasts towards him and looks at him shyly with her googly eyes. What an unpleasant person. But your gaze falls on Aemond again as you see the unpleasant lady grab his arm and pull him down a little. You draw your eyebrows together as you watch Aemond lean down towards her. He bends down a little too far for your taste and gets far too close to her face, but makes no effort to take her hand off his arm either. She seems to whisper something in his ear, pulling his arm closer to her body. In response, he only raises his eyebrow briefly.

You are shocked that he really makes no effort to reject this lady. Your heart drops. Aemond notices that you are watching him, but you realise too late that Aemond is now looking at you and your gaze betrays what you are feeling. You quickly avert your gaze and turn your attention back to Lord Rois with a smile.

"Princess… Would you also give me the next dance? Even though Jace is waiting for you?" he winks at you.

"So I can elegantly lead you back to Jace's side".

You laugh briefly, "I don't know if Jace will forgive you," and just as you are about to accept Lord Rois invitation to dance, another lord appears at your side, "Princess y/n. I would be honoured to have the opportunity to dance with you tonight"

You are somewhat dumbfounded by the sudden appearance of the second lord. He looks quite good, but you cannot tell which House he belongs to. You are really tempted to accept his invitation to a later dance when suddenly you hear a very different voice that sends a shiver down your spine, "No. She is not interested in dancing with any lords." Aemond is now standing with you in the round. You can feel the tension rising between the three of them, and the looks they give each other do not bode well either. Yet you are still angry with Aemond.

"But perhaps I want to dance a little more? You should go back to your ladies, they seem to have a lot to tell you," you answer dryly.

Aemond turns his head in your direction and looks at you motionlessly, when Lord Rois also interjects, "Yes... Judging by the eye patch, you are Prince Aemond? Perhaps the princess would like to dance" and again he holds out his hand to you, but his gaze does not leave Aemond's face.

Your breath catches in your throat. You are really tempted to accept the invitation, but you dare not raise your hand. You know only too well how Aemond reacts to such insolence when any lords show him no respect. Aemond turns again to Lord Rois. A smile curls his lips, but you do not like that smile.

"I hate to repeat myself, but no. My dear wife does not wish to dance with anyone else tonight. Lord... whatever your name shall be." He grabs you gently but firmly by the arm and leads you away from the lords, to the edge of the hall.

"Y/n you want to tell me what's going on?"

You snort, "You're an imbecile!"

He looks at you with raised eyebrows, "I thought the days of unnecessary tantrums were over?"

"They are! My words now are meant seriously," you cross your arms in front of your chest.

"Okay. And why am I an imbecile, if I may ask? Perhaps you can enlighten me?"

Your eyes sparkle with anger, "You stand there and talk to the ladies.... making them laugh!"

He has to suppress a grin, "And you dance with lords."

"That's different!" you retort.

"And why is that different?"

"For the lords do not whisper in my ear..." Your voice lowers as you are suddenly no longer so sure of yourself. You wrap your arms more tightly around your body.

Aemond sighs.

"...You find it more exciting to have some ladies whisper in your ear... Because you don't want me anymore...", you turn your face to the side.

"I don't want you anymore??...", now Aemond gets louder for a moment, which causes a few lords and ladies standing near you to glance briefly over at you.

"... We are married y/n! We have a daughter together!"

"And yet you prefer to spend the evening with other ladies"

He continues again in a calm voice, "Because you left me to dance with other lords."

"I actually wanted to dance with you!" your gaze is fixed on him again.

"And it's no secret that dancing isn't a passion of mine"

You pout and look down at the floor. Nervously you start to play with your fingers

He briefly touches his forehead and sighs, "Y/n we're going in circles"

He watches you for a moment as you look at the floor rather than at him.

"Are you jealous?"

You look up again, "No. I'm not jealous! ..." you give him a nasty look "… I just want those common flea bottom whores to keep their hands off you!"

Aemond grins.

That makes you even angrier, "Stop grinning! You are an imbecile! That's the problem here!"

As you look to the side, you see the two ladies watching Aemond, "Perhaps you should go back to your ladies.... they seem to be waiting for you," you say quietly and your gaze goes back to the floor.

Aemond also looks in that direction and notices the ladies grinning at him, but he looks back in your direction. When it finally dawns on him, he slowly takes a step towards you, "Am I not paying enough attention to you?"

You nod slightly and bite your lip, "You haven't touched me for weeks..." you whisper "... I miss you..."

His fingers slide gently under your chin and he lifts it a little. You look into his purple eye and see the sparkle in his eye that you haven't seen in a long time.

"Have I neglected my marital duties lately?", slowly he lets his fingers slide down your neck. Your breath catches for a moment.

"Aemond... we are still...", But you can't finish your sentence, he presses his mouth firmly over yours. You gasp briefly into his mouth as his tongue against your lips begs to be let into your mouth. His hands are on your hips and press you further against him, his leg pressing lightly between your thighs, while your tongues dance wildly. When he breaks the kiss after a while, you stand breathless before him, your lips slightly reddened.

"Maybe we should retreat?" he breathes into your ear.

Your cheek has turned a soft pink and he kisses it gently as you answer him with a nod.

He does not hesitate and takes you by the hand. He leads you out of the hall in quick steps.

Quickly you move forward, leaving a few corridors behind you. Suddenly you feel the coldness of the walls against your back as Aemond stops and presses you against a wall. You gasp briefly as his lips are on yours, kissing you greedily.

"Aemond... What are you doing...?" you gasp between kisses.

"I need to put the thoughts out of your head that I wouldn't want you anymore"

"...Won't we go to our chambers for that...?"

But as your eyes meet, you realise that he will not wait until you are in your chambers.

Immediately your thoughts are taken elsewhere again as he kisses your lips wildly. His fingers run along your body and you groan as you feel him cup your breasts.

"Ssh my love... Or do you want us to get caught?" he whispers in your ear. Your breath quickens as you become fully aware that Aemond is about to fuck you in the middle of the corridor. Instantly, this has an effect on your loins. You notice how your panties are soaked with your arousal.

His lips find yours again and hot kisses follow as his fingers begin to lift your skirt. Slowly his fingers roam over your naked thighs. His touches set your skin on fire. Oh how you have missed this.

You moan into his mouth, which is returned by him with a deep growl forming in his chest. His fingers push against your wet fold, only your wet panties separating them from your warm core. You whimper with impatience and he chuckles softly.

Slowly he lets his fingers slide over your wet panties again and again.

"Aemond... please..." you gasp.

"Please... what? …You have to tell me what you need," he breathes in your ear.

Cheeky bastard.

"You Aemond. I need you..." you gasp again.

His fingers haven't stopped sliding over your wet panties.

"In what way...?"

Frustrated, you press the back of your head against the wall behind you, "I need you inside me! Aemond!"

He chuckles, "No need to scream like that, my Love," as he slides two fingers past your panties and they instantly disappear into your wet core.

You hiss and push your hips towards his fingers. You reach for his perfect jawline and pull him to you for a greedy kiss. Wild kisses that muffle your moans follow. His fingers slide into you. The wet sounds they create make your arousal rise further.

You let your hands wander down his chest until you reach his trousers. Immediately you feel his huge arousal. You release him from his trousers and start to slide your hand over his big cock. Drops of pleasure have already formed on his tip and you gently spread them along his length.

His breathing quickens, just as his fingers do. When he suddenly pulls his fingers out of you and does not reinsert them. You whimper as you feel the sudden emptiness. But he lifts you and wraps your legs around his waist, your back leaning further against the wall behind you.

He lets his hand slide briefly along his throbbing length before placing himself in front of your entrance, watching as he slowly disappears inside you. You press your face into the crook of his neck to muffle your moans. The feeling of him inside you makes you see stars. Your walls ache pleasantly around his hard cock.

He increases the pace of his thrusts and without mercy he thrusts into you again and again. You are now both struggling to keep loud moans from leaving you. Only your rapid breathing and the obscene sounds of him disappearing into you fill the corridor.

"Aemond... let me down," you gasp suddenly. Aemond looks at you irritatedly at first, but then lets you down.

You immediately turn around and lean your hands against the wall.

Aemond looks at you and breathes heavily. You look over your shoulder, "What are you waiting for...? Or do you want us to get caught?"

A deep growl sounds inside him again as he sees you pull up your skirt. Immediately he presses himself against you from behind and you can clearly feel his arousal in the curve of your ass.

One of his hands holding your skirt tightly at your hip. His other hand is sunk between your legs. You feel his long fingers brush along the inside of your thighs, you part your thighs further so that he can reach your wet fold more easily.

"mmmhm... You are so willing...", his voice produces a shiver on your skin, "... You take my fingers so well inside you...", you moan as you feel him slide his fingers inside you again.

"... and how you take my cock into you perfectly.... just like you let me pleasure you with my tongue..." you moan again as he lets his fingers disappear faster inside you.

"Aemond... I need you inside me," you moan.

"As my princess commands me," he breathes in your ear.

He quickly positions his pulsating length at your entrance and you push yourself completely towards him. With one thrust, he sinks his cock completely inside you. You groan, but stifle the cry against your upper arm. Aemond now has both hands on your hips and lets you slide onto his cock again and again with full hardness. He enjoys the view as he disappears completely into you over and over again and groans.

"Aemond... I'm so close..." it slips out of you as you feel the fire spreading from your lower belly out into your body.

"Yees..." he moans, "cum on my cock". You moan. "I want to fill you with my seed and watch it drip down your leg," he suddenly moans in your ear.

That pushes you over the edge. You cry out, unable to muffle the scream. Aemond feels your walls tighten hard around his cock. You let the back of your head fall onto his shoulder. Aemond kisses your neck as you ride out your climax on his cock. His thrusts don't let up in strength.

He groans out as he feels his balls tighten and it spreads into his lower belly. His thrusts become sloppy and he continues to groan. You feel his hands grip your hips tighter. He lets himself sink deep inside you a few more times until your walls are full of his seed.

His thrusts become slower and slower until he is just standing behind you with his nose in the crook of your neck. He breathes heavily and holds you tightly in his arms.

"There will never be a scenario where I don't want you anymore…," he whispers to you.

"Ever since we were kids, I've wanted you to be my wife... my Queen..  and that will never change".

You nod and let your hand move to the back of his head.

You gently caress his soft hair, "I always want you anyway..." you whisper.

He chuckles softly at your statement.

His nose glides slowly along your neck, "Shall we go to our chambers? After all, it's child-free today..."

You turn your face to him and have to grin, "Yes.... please..." you whisper.

You kiss softly and an "I love you Aemond" leaves your lips.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

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[veliseraptor]

Would you say there is a significant overlap between tragedy and nihilism in fiction?

Do you consider Frankenstein, for example, to be nihilistic? A lot of Junji Ito's stories often have bad endings and his stories are considered pessimistic — would the nihilism label fit his work?

I'm still trying to find my personal difference between 'nihilistic stories I find compelling' and 'nihilistic stories I find boring/distasteful/frustratingly pointless'. I think I have relegated 'stories I like' to the tragedy categegory, while putting stories I don't under the nihilism or grimdark labels. But the ones I don't like tend to just sort of drone on miserably after the foregone conclusion has been revealed, with cynically-written anti-hero protagonists that give me neither ideals nor characters to root for because it has been established that my faith in either is pointless.... I wish there was a label for that specifically but maybe I'm just a bad fan.

Eek, sorry for word vomiting in your inbox. Criticism fair and understandable!

Interesting question! I think that there is overlap but I don't know that I'd call them the same thing; a pessimistic work is not the same as a nihilistic one in the same way a pessimistic person is not necessarily a nihilistic one. But I think that trying to parse out a line between the two of them - just as trying to parse out the distinction between what makes something "grimdark" and what makes something "tragedy" - is going to be an ultimately subjective designation with very fuzzy boundaries. One person's catharsis is another person's pointless misery. One person's miserable droning may be another person's compellingly dark. And so on.

A while back I read a book called Rhetorics of Fantasy by Farah Mendlesohn which remains one of my favorite works of literary theory on the fantasy genre, which introduced me to Brian Attebery's work by extension, who describes the fantasy genre as a "fuzzy set." A "fuzzy set" is actually a mathematical term that refers to a set where, rather than the elements being either in or out of the set, elements have degrees of belonging and can be partially in/partially out. It's something that I think about a lot and I think was particularly informative to my thinking on genre more broadly (and also categories as a whole). Categorizations in literature/art, I find, are always going to be a little fuzzy, the boundaries a little porous, the distinctions a little vague. I think that's perhaps even more true when the categorization under discussion is emotional. The difference between the terms you're describing here (nihilism, grimdark, tragedy, pessimism) is a matter to at least some degree of how does this make me feel, and the answer to that question is going to vary wildly. You can try to excavate the purpose of the text, try to make an argument about what the author is trying to say - about the world, about people - but even in that case the interpretation of what that statement means is going to be emotionally inflected through an individual lens.

So I guess what I'm saying here is that I think the entire project here is...if not pointless, then maybe only as productive as you feel it is? I don't know that you'll ever find a simple, categorical way of designating and labeling "work that I like with dark themes" from "work that I don't like with dark themes" in a broad sense. Which is not to say it's not worth looking at what you find engaging or not in a work! It's a very worthwhile project in my opinion to look at what you're reading and try to figure out what particular themes/narrative tropes/stylistic quirks you vibe with, and what about them you vibe with, and consider those as interesting pieces of information both about yourself and about the work you're engaging with. But I think trying to name and define those distinctions, especially in a holistic and determinative way, is likely to just be frustrating.

(And the trap there, too, is that if somebody does come to a conclusion about that sort of thing, and then runs into a contradiction in their taste that doesn't fit that conclusion, they might end up twisting themselves into knots trying to prove there is no contradiction - a reaction which I personally think is the source of a lot of very poisonous discourse/rhetoric on the internet. When people decide that their identity is this one thing, and then encounter something that contradicts that conclusion, sometimes it is more tempting to try to force the contradiction to fit in the existing paradigm rather than to resolve the paradigm. But that's a different conversation.)

Ultimately while there can be merit in trying to look at a genre/typology/category of texts as a whole, I find trying to define it too strictly or looking for firm boundaries is a less fruitful exercise than examining a work on its own terms, or in conversation with the texts it is in conversation with.

No need to apologize for word vomiting in my inbox, particularly since I just word vomited on your ask! This was fun, though, thanks for giving me the chance to sink my teeth into this and shake it a few times.

[typical-simplelove]

MUSCLE MEMORY -> Elias Pettersson

As part of the Subject to Change Chronicles

Summary: The first time you saw Elias Pettersson was at your cousin’s engagement party six years ago. When your cousin first introduced Elias to you as her fiance, it felt like a cheap party trick because how was it possible that the connection you undoubtedly felt with Elias was never going to go anywhere?

Author's Note: Here is the first part of this series and the first fic I've written and posted in a long time. Please, please be kind to this one (and the series). Please let me know if you enjoyed it, and stay tuned for the next three parts!

Warnings: Emotional cheating; divorce; not wanting kids; family disagreements and schisms

Word Count: 2k

Note: I am NOT condoning cheating of any kind, but human relationships are complicated, and I'm trying to portray that here. Additionally, I am NOT villainizing anyone who does not want kids. Not wanting to have children is entirely valid, and it's important to voice that opinion when making life decisions with a partner.

It was like a flashback, watching him walk into the room. His swagger, the way the light hit his hair, the way his lips curled into a polite smile at the restaurant patrons who recognized him, the way he flattened his body in order to let the waiters get to their table. It was all familiar. It was like watching him walk to the private room all those years ago.

Elias Pettersson hasn’t changed since you first saw him five years ago, four years ago, three years ago, two years ago. He was the same. And your reaction was still the same.

He still made your heart hammer through the years. He still made you grip your glass tighter. He still made you sit up straighter (a trait your mother wishes she could steal from him). He still made your entire body rigid and sweat, but he could still make you feel like you were sitting on a bed of cotton candy (minus the stickiness).

It was a muscle, knee-jerk reaction to him.

When your body sat up straighter and every cell in your body slowed down, you knew Elias walked into the room. You didn’t have to see him to know he was there.

He never failed to get this reaction out of you. You were doing your best to try not to let yourself react to him, but you couldn’t. Only Elias Pettersson could make your insides warm without even looking at you.

It was only a shame he was never yours.

The glistening wedding band on his hand that you knew would be there was a reminder of it. Elias was never yours. You never got to have him, but the reaction was still the same every time you saw him. It was all the same to you. He could still make your entire heartbeat soar through the roof. Before he entered the room, the room felt like a Vancouver rainy day—cold and dreary—but when he walked into a room, it felt like a New York rainy day—muggy and humid—but in a good way.

For old-time’s sake, let’s see where this goes.

. . .

“How long will you be back in town?” Elias asks when he sits next to you. He eyes your drink, and a soft smile settles on his face. “You’re still drinking the same thing.”

“I know what I like here,” you reply, ignoring the first question. It doesn’t surprise you that Elias doesn’t know that you’ve moved to Vancouver. After he got married to your cousin, you and your cousin had a falling out. Her side of the family stopped talking to your side of the family. Your side initiated the schism because they couldn’t comprehend why your cousin would accuse you of being in love with her husband. It’s only a shame that your family thinks it’s a lie.

“It’s been a while,” Elias says, continuing the conversation. Was he ignoring the heat that now lay between the two of you? Did he want to wrap his arm around your shoulder as he did three years ago? Was he fighting everything in him not to move closer to you like you were? It was an instantaneous reaction to being around Elias. You had to be as close to him as possible.

“So, we are addressing the elephant in the room, then.”

“Is there something to address?” he asks, his stupid (oh, so stupid) smirk on his face.

You roll your eyes. “Your wife accused me of being in love with you two years ago.”

“Ex-wife,” Elias corrects.

That’s new information.

"When did that happen?" you ask.

"About a year ago," he replies, taking his left hand to swipe it through his hair. That's the first time you notice that the familiar silver band is not shining the expensive light of the fancy restaurant. "We just weren't meshing together anymore."

"That's all?" you ponder, slightly hopeful. You didn't want to be the reason they ended their marriage, but you couldn't help but wonder maybe, just maybe, you had something to do with it. Maybe, just maybe, Elias feels the same connection and feelings for you that you do for him.

Elias gives you a curious look. He opens his mouth to say something, but he closes it again. That continues for a few seconds.

"Cat got the tongue?" you ask, teasing him but also sensing the inner turmoil within him.

"I'm just not sure if it's the right thing to say."

"Right now or ever?"

"Both," he answers, flashing you his million-dollar smile, the smile that's enough to send ripples through your body.

On instinct, your hand goes to cover his. The whole interaction is similar to the one two years ago that sent your family and his now ex-wife's family into a schism. You can't help but wonder who's lingering around the corner to misinterpret the meaning of your actions.

This time, there would be no misinterpreting because you're very, very sure (like 99.99% sure) that the emotions are the same. The feelings are the same. The purpose is the same.

"Even if we try it now," Elias whispers, his fingers lacing through yours. "I wouldn't want you to get into trouble with your family."

"Trouble?"

"I doubt it would be very pleasing to hear that you're dating your cousin's ex-husband," Elias tells you bluntly.

Dating. Dating. Dating.

That one word is echoing through your ears, and you can't help but think back to this similar situation two years ago. A similar situation in the same private room in the same restaurant in the same booth with the same two hands interlocked.

. . .

Two Years Ago

"Your family is merciless in asking about babies," Elias sighs when he takes a seat next to you.

"That's why I continuously drink alcohol and stay single," you reply, pretending those were the two reasons why you were having a mini-pity party in a booth on the outskirts of the party. You were pretending that Elias wasn't the reason you were trying to drink and forget. You were pretending that your way too intense feelings for Elias weren't the reason you're single.

"I feel like if I try your reasons, I'd be without a wife, and drinking, as far as I know, doesn't affect sperm." Elias' final attempt at trying to make a joke does little to settle your inner turmoil. What were you doing talking to the very man you shouldn't be talking to? You had no right to talk to Elias while you harbored these illicit feelings.

You weren't in town often, but you made the trip back to Vancouver yearly for this family reunion, and every time, for the past six years—since Elias and your cousin announced their engagement—you fell back easily into comfort with talking and confiding with Elias. It felt like a dirty secret. You shouldn't be allowed to have this comfort with him when you were in love with him, and he was married to someone else, but you still did. It was a memory you went back to. It was a memory that you replayed in your head so often that even though you tried as you might to ignore it, your body returned to him.

Without even asking, Elias took the glass out of your hand and finished your drink in one sip.

"Trouble in paradise?" You meant to sound teasing, but you knew you sounded bitter. Did you want there to be trouble with their marriage? The saying "I'm happy if they're happy" is full of shit. Sure, it filled you with joy to know that Elias was happy, but that happiness was fleeting because the small joy that filled you when you realized he was happy went away when you realized that you weren't happy. There was nothing happy with your situation.

"She doesn't want kids," Elias admits. "Which I understand, but she knew I wanted kids before we got married. She told me she wanted kids then, and now, she suddenly tells me she doesn't want kids and has known for a long time."

"She probably wanted to marry you that badly that she would've said anything. I mean, she probably knew that you weren't going to marry her if you knew she didn't want kids."

"True, but a marriage is more than just loving someone," Elias tells you. "It's about having similar goals and ideals and aspirations. It's about wanting the same things. It doesn't matter how much I love someone; if we both don't want the same things out of life, I can't envision a future with them. Right now, I can't envision a future with her."

That last part broke your heart. You were surprised that it didn't bring out small, happy ballerina tip-toe-sized pitters of happiness.

You placed your hand on Elias'. In response, he intertwines your fingers with his, and suddenly it all made sense. You looked into his eyes if he felt the same thing you did. If the small tears in his eyes were any indication, he didn't feel it. Well, if he did, his heartbreak was far the superior emotion he was feeling at the moment.

"I'm sorry that things are tough for you right now," you tell him. "If it's any consolation, you can always talk to me. I'm always here for you." The small "I love you" was sitting on your tongue, but you fought everything in yourself not to say it.

The way he looked at you, though. That's how you knew that he felt it and wanted you to say it. His eyes told you he needed you to say it, but you couldn't in good conscience say it knowing that he was still married. It doesn't matter how much you love Elias. You couldn't tell a married person that you loved them.

"What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On. Here?" Elias' wife—your cousin—deadpans.

"It's not what it looks like," you immediately say, pulling your hand away from Elias'. You were staring intently at your cousin, but out of the corner of your eye, you could see Elias' reflection in the mirror on the wall across from you, and you think (think!) you see a small pout on his face when you pull your hand away.

Try as you might, you try not to focus on his pout. You try to listen to your cousin's accusations. You try to think about how you could explain the situation to her. You tried to think about what you would say to defend yourself, but you couldn't. All you could think about was Elias' pout. What did it mean? Was it just a muscle reaction whenever someone pulls their hand away or was it something more?

Ultimately, though, you couldn't help but think:

What if Elias was married to the wrong person in your family the entire time?

. . .

"Elias," you softly whisper.

"I'm not asking for anything from you," he replies, his voice just as low. "I'm just telling you exactly what I'm feeling and thinking. I've spent the last year trying to figure out where I went wrong with you and her. With her, our marriage was based on lies—and there was more than just the one about kids. With you, though, it was not telling you exactly what I felt."

"Elias," you say again. "I don't know what to say."

He shakes his head. "You don't have to say anything. I'm just telling you where I'm at, and if you ever want to explore what could be, you know where I am."

With that, he walks away from the booth and out of the restaurant.

It takes you a moment before you run out after him, calling his name.

When you're both outside on the sidewalk, you and Elias face each other.

"I've been in love with you since the first moment I first saw you," you begin. "I want to explore that."

"Yeah?" he asks, a smile on his face.

"Yeah." You nod. "I want to jump in heart first to this."

Stay tuned for part 2, soon!

Taglist: @sorryjustafangirl @ilyasorokinn @kolsmikaelson @shinyfalcon4 @jostystyles @besthockeyfics @ch-ristiane @owenpowerstapejob @plds2000 @drei-mrssvechii @laurenairay @nilspettersson @jamiedryssdale @assmanselke @lam-ila @2manytabsopen @corneliaskates @boqvistsbabe (Join the taglist here!)

[amrv-5]

HI ⭐️! (loved Droughtland, would love to hear commentary) :)

HELLO and THANK YOU FOR THE ASK and I'm SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT I loved WRITING IT ARGHH!!!! Also tagging in @catgrub who asked the same just a few minutes later -- HELLO and THANK YOU ZANE!!! Since there were two recs for Droughtland I feel like the extreme length of the following Commentary can be excused.

(For context: I realized I've got 0 idea of how to do a Director's Commentary except for ones I've seen where directors just rewatch their own movie and speak overtop of it, so, I did the same except with reading and typing. This is my read-along author commentary on Droughtland, arranged in chronological order--feel free to look at it with the OG, or not, it should stand alone just fine. Or ignore it entirely. My god it's fucking long, so sorry. Anyway, onwards.)

Okay close reading. Okay commentary. Engaging on this journey together yaaaay.

[Iowa, 1962]

Okay, from the first line, we’re invoking concerns of location, identity, belonging, otherness—Radar struggling to adjust to home because he senses he’s been changed by his experiences in a way that makes him incompatible with the life he used to lead. He’s good at his job, we sense that he’s well-respected, but he’s undeniably not entirely present. Everything he does, sees, thinks, remembers, ends up in service of the Project, which I think I’ve (maybe not obviously or even all that consciously) tried to imply has an element of spiritual or religious calling to it, given that we’re introduced to it in a church. 

And retrospectively enjoying the complexity of Radar running the line between escapism and catharsis in his writing at the end of this first section. He misses the people he was close to, that much is clear, and writing is a way to feel close to them. And yet he’s also mentally returning over and over again to a war. A theme I’ve played with in the background of my BeejHawk fics, and more centrally in Droughtland, is one I sort of cribbed from Michael Herr’s Dispatches: Who are you after the most defining event of your life has ended?

[Iowa, 1952]

...And who are you when you KNOW the most defining event of your life has ended? That’s not to say the War Was A Good Experience and One To Reminisce Over. In fact the war being experientially horrific only complicates this idea more. I’m fascinated by how somebody goes about the rest of their life knowing with near-certainty that anything / everything they experience will likely never be as impactful on their sense of self and arc of life than a single past event. Anyway, this ends up concerning Radar greatly, who moves from that Defining Event—Drafted Into the Korean War—back to the rhythms of family and farm life, where he expects himself to be content with the life he’d always assumed he’d have. Actually I’ve read more and realized I had him state that concern textually, rendering this redundant. Ah well. Moving on. 

Okay, something else—Radar and writing and fiction and voice. I wanted to get across very clearly that the driving force of his writing is a direct desire to communicate—his first attempt at beginning the book takes the form of an introduction (“My name is Radar O’Reilly”), and he states that writing lets a fellow talk to people who aren’t around. The silent implication being, then, that he’s got no-one real to talk to. Another important set of questions getting kicked around in this piece: Why do we write? Is writing still communication if it’s never shared?

I wanted to play with the idea specifically of writing in relation to loneliness. If you’ve got nobody to talk to, or no way to express yourself meaningfully, or nobody who is interested in understanding you, it makes a lot of sense to sink into the realm of the creative, which we see Radar do here very explicitly. He doesn’t have any close connections, really, or at least not ones he thinks he can explain his new sense of self to, so he turns to writing. Summoning the last people who really understood how he felt, in some ways, writing to communicate with people who are dead or gone from him. Making some record of himself, his experiences, the way he sees the world—an attestation of self, or something, in direct defiance of a landscape and life that feels flat, uncaring, inaccessible—he starts writing alone in a field.

[Iowa, 1959]

Next—mm, field fire section, which was my favorite to write. I’m clearly and obviously soft for rural concerns. I know it’s been pointed out that my voice is significantly different in this fic than in my others, and I’ll admit that I did dip into the author-voice I usually reserve for my personal fictionalizations of family histories, which largely concern, go figure, rural American questions of identity, place, belonging, family, fulfillment, etc. And yet the usual Vonnegut-y sensibilities aren’t wholly gone—the idea of Radar being a volunteer fireman was lifted both from Vonnegut’s life AND volunteer firefighters' positioning in his work as bastions of selfless humanity and civic duty. I like the idea of a latently lonely Radar doing all these very quiet upright civically-minded things. Frequently good people are dealt bad hands, and aren’t cared for by their communities, and still go on doing good anyway. 

[Iowa, 1963]

Reading on—and the arrival of BeejHawk. It’s been long enough by this point that Radar’s sort of been subsumed by the Project. We see that tendency in him as he anticipates seeing ‘Dr. Pierce’ and meets Hawkeye instead.

And then—AH! At last! The title is Droughtland, obviously, and that’s a multivalent image, but here’s at least one moment and facet of relief: Sometimes, he thought, a fellow just needed words. Words and words and words like rain on a drought. And the good doctors Pierce and Hunnicutt had always known how to talk up a storm. 

As much as it’s a relief, it’s also destabilizing to suddenly have people notice him after so long living almost entirely within himself—Hawkeye calling him Radar shocks him into silence—wow, I’m realizing belatedly just HOW MUCH this fic is about loneliness, actually. Funny the things you can catch on a reread. His name is important, that’s all, and Hawkeye would understand that. 

Meanwhile BeejHawk as a unit are very clearly sensing something wrong—not wrong, maybe, but not all right, either. Radar’s Restaurant Allegory is key here as he admits that ‘enjoyment’ is absolutely meaningless in the context of his life—it doesn’t matter if you like the restaurant if it’s the only option. It’s not that he likes or dislikes it—it’s that forming and expressing an opinion would be pointless. This is a stand-in for his opinion on life, which Hawkeye finds distressing, though I think he’d agree with Radar to a degree on his related idea that happiness, delight, joy are intentional practices more than consistent feelings (another idea cribbed from elsewhere: Ross Gay’s Book of Delights, which I am coming to realize sunk way more deeply into my psyche at age 19 than I thought. I may elaborate someday if there’s ever an interest in Parker Creative Nonfiction because the story’s sort of ???, but also, maybe not).

Anyway, Hawk at last manages to drag a bit of real sentiment out of Radar: writing, and the Project, where so much of his internal life is focused (Hawk makes a Lot’s wife joke, because of course he does, but also I like him invoking a story where somebody looks backward on something terrible and suffers for their inability to turn away). 

And from here Radar takes the plunge and finally gives all that lonely writing an audience. Terrifying, but it pays off—Hawk affirms that he’s very good (important to me that Radar’s very good as a writer coming from outside a formal academic context. Everybody has the potential to create resonant art, and I wanted to be clear that Radar’s interest in something like the Iowa Writer’s Workshop isn’t the need to be Validated by the Institution or to Escape some sort of poorly-informed or condescending vision of Rural Nonintellectualism (bad themes!!! I hate them!!! NOT at play here, or at least consciously attempted to subvert) but as an extension of the desire for artistic community. To be seen and heard, instead of all the silent listening he’s been doing for years.)

The tradeoff of communicating, by the way—Hawk is a good listener, and picks up on a number of things maybe Radar wasn’t even aware he was revealing in his work—loneliness, vague dissatisfaction, a focus on finding interior fulfillment when the external world fails to provide. Scary, destabilizing, embarrassing… but eventually very, very good. For Radar, at least, who’s suddenly feeling like he’s allowed to want something. 

Moving on. Hawkeye’s reaction to learning he’s a part of Radar’s Project. Obviously he’s worried about how he’s going to come across. I think it’s a very scary thing to be the object of cameras, of writerly gaze, all of it, because it creates an image that exists entirely outside the object's control. How horrifying/enticing/awful/fascinating it’s got to be to be able to find out how you exist in another person’s mind… and when that image was formed in the lowest years of your life… of course Hawk’s apprehensive. And clearly it rattles him—but maybe in the way any really, really resonant art rattles us, based on his next-morning response. 

Hawk comes downstairs and we get this baffling little kiss scene, which I’ll be honest I wasn’t entirely sure what it meant when I was writing, only that it felt right. But now I’m thinking it’s clearly an exchange of seeing—Hawk feels he’s been thoroughly Seen in Radar’s work, for better or worse, and comes downstairs to communicate in this abstract way that he sees Radar, too—and affirms what he sees. 

So we end with these moments, finally, of communication and understanding and connection. Very obviously there’s the Hawk-Radar connection, which is so intense and emotive it’s basically psychic (what's good writing if not successfully communicating an idea or image with all original emotive force and vividness from one mind to another?). There’s also Beej, who isn’t Hawk’s brand of incidentally clairvoyant, but is all around a very bright, kind, warm person who’s able to give Radar the sort of horrendously necessary everyday sort of conversation and care that makes life bearable, the kind it’s so easy to take for granted when you’re experiencing it regularly. And then there’s BJ stepping in to hold Hawk even if he doesn’t fully understand what’s transpired between Hawk and Radar, because he knows Hawk and knows that he needs a second of support, which is sort of psychic in its own way. 

And that's the end. So, overall, I’d say the thing is very directly related to the title—drought of the soul which is only starting to lift by the end of the piece. One storm doesn’t solve a drought, after all—you need consistent rain, and time for ecological repair. And still the first few drops of rain after a dry spell feel awfully good. 

[pearllemonconsulting]

Business Consultants For Small Businesses: How Consultants Help Businesses?

Small business owners typically desire to be deeply involved in every area of their businesses, from selecting the sort of coffee maker for the cafeteria to filing the company’s tax reports. Delegating responsibilities to staff members or outside consultants can be challenging for many company owners. However, if you run a small business and discover yourself spending excessive time on tasks unrelated to your primary operations, consultancy can be of help.

It could be time to hire a small business consultant to bridge the gap if you ever feel that something is lacking from your startup or small business. Owners of small businesses are used to controlling every aspect of their company’s development and day-to-day operations and making all company-related decisions. 

One way is hiring Business Consultants For Small Businesses from an agency or personnel consultant. 

How will Business Consultants help small businesses grow in the industry? 

You may simply want assistance in a few crucial areas as a beginning. That necessitates engaging one or two part-time advisors instead of a full-time consultancy firm to offer comprehensive advice and small business ideas. Here are a few typical instances where Business Consultants for small businesses are highly advantageous. 

1. Training and Implementation for businesses

The road to the next growth stage might not be obvious, regardless of whether your company is brand new or has been in operation for some time.

An authorized small business advisor can assist a small- or medium-sized-business owner choose the ideal business structure for a given line of goods or services. A business model developed with the support of qualified experts can assist with the company’s launch, expansion, and finance.

2. Business Plan

A brand strategist is someone who works with small businesses. Knowing just how to support your firm as it grows, develops, and matures is among the most challenging aspects of being a business owner.

Consider whether it would be wiser to grow your company domestically or internationally. Does introducing new product lines or collaborating with a different brand sound right? A company consultant may aid you in finding the answers to these queries. A consulting company can suggest particular strategies to accomplish those goals and assist you in mapping out your small business’s future growth.

3. Sales and Marketing 

A small business sales and marketing advisor can guide development a marketing strategy, including how to address social media, influencer marketing, SEO techniques, sales strategies, and content creation.

It’s advantageous if the consulting firm is familiar with your sector or specialty and knows the tools, platforms, and practical strategies for reaching your target market. Additionally, they should have a solid track record of developing and managing campaigns.

Main Points

Consultants can assist in managing tasks that company owners lack the time or competence to complete.

You can discover a reliable consultant by asking around or looking online for experts in the fields where you need assistance.

To assist you in maintaining your accounts in order and preparing for tax time, you can engage accountancy and bookkeeping professionals for a couple of hours every year (or all year long).

Conclusion

Small company consulting has the advantage that you can locate a wide range of subject experts to assist you in one or more particular areas. You can select a business consultant to suit your needs in security, technique, and budgeting. Reach out right away to Pearl Lemon Consulting and get the assistance you know you require.

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[ultralightpoe]

Salt the Earth Behind You- Aemond Targaryen

Authors Note: I’m back with another Aemond fic.  MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN AND THE AEMOND TAGLIST IS STILL OPEN SO LET ME KNOW! ENJOY!

Warnings: heavy language, angst, reader is engaged to an old man sadly. 

Word Count: 4052 (Yeahhhh. Buckle in Bitches)

Description: Friendships ruined in moments of anger. 

Part Two : And Let The Blood Bind You 

Salt the earth behind you: To poison any future 

            The soft mud of the earth below the carriage swallows your shoe as you step down from the exit, using your betrothed’s hand as leverage to not fall. This would already be embarrassing enough, you did not need to walk into the throne room caked in mud. 

          Verlain Stark, cousin to Cregan Stark, flashed you a wide smile as he helped you. His hand gripped yours for a second too long before you felt yourself snatching it back, doing your best to keep the easy smile you had glued to your face since the start of the engagement. 

            The man was well over the age of suitor you wanted, three times your own age, but it had been set up by your father. A way to unite his land with the Starks and a way to get rid of his plain daughter all in one go. Who was anyone kidding? Verlain was the only man who would want your hand and you were lucky he could barely see. 

           “I must say, I find it odd that my betrothed and I have to come all the way down here just for the queens approval.” He smiles, leaning in so that you may smell the fresh stench of overly boozed vomit on his breath. “Never had to do that with my first 3 wives.”

              That’s right, Verlain Stark had outlived 3 wives, a surprising feat considering each time he married the younger they got. The first died in childbirth, the babe a stillborn. The second wife jumped from her window. The third…. Well the third had her throat split open in the dead of night. She too was pregnant. 

               “Lady Alicent was very protective of me in my time here, I am very thankful for her care.” You say softly, the collar of your dress digging into your throat. The dresses in Winterfell were far from comfortable and refused to show any skin. 

               It was true, you were thankful for your time at the Red Keep, you just wished it hadn’t ended in such heartbreak for you. 

                      You had been taken in as Queen Alicents ward, out of the kindness of her heart after your dear mother passed away in childbirth, your father having no idea what to do with you. 

                The day you landed in Kings Landing you had been so nervous, clinging to your fathers hand as he pushed you off. You were scared and everyone was staring at you like you were a freak. 

             “Aw. This must be the dearest Y/n….” The Queen gushes, reaching for you softly. “Come little one, you must meet my children. I have a son a year older than you.”

              Within an instant you were surrounded by a group of gorgeous white haired children, all circling you.  “Children, this is Lady Y/n. She is to be taken in as my ward. Aegon! Hands off!”

             The tallest of the three snatches his hand back with an eye roll, sauntering off. The girl barely says a word before going back to her insects. That left the shorter boy, standing there with his hands behind his back, waiting for his mother to introduce him patiently. 

             “Y/n, this is my youngest…. Aemond.” She smiles, leaving to discuss some matters with your father. You stood as straight as possible, afraid to make the wrong move and anger someone.  

             “You can breathe you know,” The boy chuckles, imitating a deep breath in to make you imitate it. 

                “You’re a Targaryen.” You say softly, desperate to start a conversation only to feel like a fool the second the words fall from your lips. “I mean, that was blatant, everyone knows that. I apologize for stating the obvious, my prince.” 

               “I don’t have a dragon if that is what you meant.” He sneers, eyes narrowing. 

             “What does it matter if you have a dragon?” You ask, hands clenched together in anxiety. “I…I apologize if I have offended you..” 

               You picked up your skirts and rush to your maid as quick as possible, desperate for the comfort of someone you knew. 

               “Come, Lady Y/n.” Verlain calls, getting one of his men to shove you forward as you had been stuck in your head. “Your father is quite persistent on seeing you before our meeting with the King and Queen.” 

              You nod and turn to your maid, who had been glaring at the soldier that shoved you forward in your honor, she instantly grabs your arm and leads you to where your old rooms had been while you stayed here some time ago. 

               “You must stop biting your lip Lady Y/n,” She whispers as you blush. “It is unseemly for a lady to bleed. The lord should think you disgusting.” 

               You fight the urge to roll your eyes at that, heavens above you seem disgusting to that old man. 

               You’re caught off guard by a feeling on the back of your neck, your spine going tense. “He’s here….”

                It had been an odd gift, the ability to sense whenever Aemond Targaryen was near you, but it had come in handy. 

                “Who is, my lady?” Your maid leans forward as you snatch her hand and drag her away from the courtyard, desperate to escape him. 

               Aemond seemed to not care that you offended him on your first meeting, for he soon became your best friend. 

             You spent every afternoon together after that first day. You would listen about his day at the dragonpit, listen to him talk about all the different sorts of dragons. He would bring you books, stolen from the royal library and would ask you about them constantly. 

           Within weeks you found yourself craving his attention, always looking for him in a crowd of people and always searching for him at parties. 

          “Lady Y/n!” He calls, running down the hall covered in black smoke. “I came close to a dragon today. A FULLY GROWN DRAGON!”

              Your entire body was locked up with dread as Aemond barged between you and the male you had been introduced to that morning. “Prince Aem-”

              You tried to stop the prince as the older man stared down at you with a glare. “Prince Aemond, this is Lord Henric….. He is meeting me as a suitor today.”

               “This old man?” He snaps, eyes so wide you have to stop yourself from laughing. “No. Come on. We will be talking with my mother.”

             He left no room for argument, grabbing your arm and storming off. Your maid, who had been there as a chaperone, follows closely with a shocked expression. 

                  Once you escape the hall you tear your arm away, tears pouring from your eyes. “You fool!”

                He looks taken aback for a moment before reaching for your arm once more, you take two steps back. “Aemond! I have been here for 2 years! Your mother, kind as she is, will not take me as a ward much longer.”

                 “What are you talking about?”

                   “I’m plain!” You snap. “My father says it, everyone else knows it. I am a plain and boring girl with no redeemable qualities that would help me score a match. Your mother is doing her best to obtain me a match before any of these men realize just how ugly I am and here you come ruining it!”

              The anger written on his face is actually terrifying as steps closer. “You are not plain! Your father has no idea what he is speaking about! And if he were here I would carve out his tongue.”

                You don’t respond, sobbing as you turn to walk away from him, hands shaking as you think on how disappointed the Queen will be once she realizes the suitor would not propose. 

               “Y/n.” Aemond calls desperately, chasing after you. “We will find you a suitor. Once that isn’t two steps from death. I swear it. I swear it on my grave and any future dragon I might claim.” 

                “Your betrothed is quite…….” You try not to laugh as your maid tries to come up with the proper term for the older man. 

              He had talked the entire journey, and whereas you had to pretend to be interested in an effort to keep his attention your maid was miserable. The poor chaperone. 

                “He is…. Talkative.” You nod, heat traveling your body as you tug at the overly warm dress. “But I can't risk another suitor mishap. This is my last chance. My father has run out of patience.”

             Not that he ever had patience to begin with, he was constantly angered by his ‘plain daughter’.  

               “Would you like to change into a more comfortable dress, my lady?”

                “No. I have none. I must wear Winterfell dresses, to show my allegiance.” You sigh, walking away from her to prepare to see your father before you face the queen. 

                 “Aegon says you love me.” Aemond blurts one day, walking with you in the gardens. You freeze, whipping to look at him, having just been caught. 

“W-what?” 

              “He says you look at me with a fucked out puppy eyed look.” Aemond sighs, turning to see where you had stopped walking.  “What’s wrong? He only said it to me, I would never let him spill such vile accusations to another.”

                 You wanted to laugh at his answer, as if that was the biggest problem right now. “Prince Aemond-”

             “Please don’t.” He stops you.  “I cannot suffer that today Lady Y/n….”

              You are embarrassed, truly. Of course he didn’t want to hear your stupid confession. He was a Targaryen and you were a plain ward. “I’m sorry, my prince.”

             He nods, moving to keep walking with you through the gardens some more. 

                Your dress was far too tight, and the headpiece braided into your hair was way too heavy on your head, the veil swinging back and forth with every movement. 

               A black veil, and a grey dress. You looked like the lady death, most people would laugh but you were trying to seem interested in the Stark world. Even if the thought of living in the land of winter sounded absolutely miserable. 

               “You look…..decent, daughter” Your father greets, avoiding your gaze as me moves to greet your betrothed, a smile spreading onto his features. 

                Bile rises in your throat as embarrassment fills you. How plain and disappointing were you really?

            You held onto Aemonds hand on the boat, watching Aegon and Helaena ride above you on their dragons. He grasps your hand tightly as you flinch at a wave of wind that hit you when Aegon flew too close. 

             “When I get a dragon you’ll have to get used to them.” He laughs, watching you swallow in worry. “You’ll be riding the dragon with me.” 

            “I don’t think that would be allowed, My prince.” You blush, fighting the smile threatening to unfold.  

           “I’m the prince. I would make it allowed.” He argues, bringing you closer. “Now read to me, take my attention off the death of my cousin.”

             You opened your book once more, reading to him softly as you made your way to the funeral of Laena Velayron. 

                  Your hands shook as you made your way to the throne room, sweat covering every inch of your body while you looked dead ahead, following your betrothed. 

                  You felt like you were about to throw up, which would for sure ruin any chance at marriage with the Lord. 

               “Keep it together” You whisper to yourself, tears threatening to spill the closer you get to the throne room. “You musn’t mess this up.”

            You awoke to the heavy sound of a dragon taking off, larger than Aegons or Helaenas. Jumping off your bed and running to the window, expecting to see Syrax or Caraxes you see Vhagar taking off into the clouds. 

            Your heart jumps through your throat, excitement to go find Aemond and tell him you had just witnessed the biggest dragon in the world take off. Slipping on your sleeping shoes and taking off through the halls of Driftmark, desperate to find Aemond. 

                  You find him in the tunnels of Driftmark, air a mess and tunic distorted, a wild look in his eyes. It took you a moment to realize what had happened, panic clawing at your throat. 

“Y/n! You will never believe -”

“Aemond….. What have you done?” You whisper, watching as his face falls. 

          “It’s you!” Baela snaps from behind you, the group of them shoving you aside as they face Aemond. 

           He watched you fall to the ground before turning to the four of them. “It’s me.”

             “Vhagar is my mothers dragon!”

             “Your mother’s dead.” Aemond states calmly. “And Vhagar has a new rider now.”

“She was mine to claim!” 

             “Then you should have claimed her! Maybe your cousins can find you a pig to ride. It would suit you.” He smirks, not bothering to make sure you got up. 

              Within moments the girl was running up, hitting him, to which your bestfriends snaps back harshly. Then the brawl insued. 

                  All four of them against him, but Aemond held his own for a moment, as you tried pushing through to help. When Jace pulled the knife he slashed your hand and wrist to move you out of the way, a scream tearing through your throat as he slashed up Aemonds face. 

              Aemond bellowed in pain, hands flying up to his face as his blood flew. You instantly reach to help him, the blood from your hand mixing with his own as you cling to him. 

             Screaming for help as he tried to pull away from you. 

               The scar on your arm, left from the night Vhagar had been claimed, itched terribly under the fur of the dress you now wore. You fought the urge to fidget as your father introduced the courtship to the Queen, who had taken to sit on the throne instead of standing by it. 

                  To the left of the throne stood her three children, all older in age and all still exceptionally beautiful. Aemond, now with an eyepatch and death glare, had not taken his eyes off your figure upon entering. Not that it mattered, he couldn’t see your face with the veil over it, a proper respect to your betrothed. 

               Alicent seemed hesitant upon looking at you, a twist in her eyebrows told her she was doing her best to see through the veil to look upon you. 

               “We are very grateful that Lord Verlain had asked for my daughters hand in marriage, and hope that the crown will permit it-” Your father states, kneeling with his head bowed. You were kneeling behind him, right next to the old man who seemed to have struggled getting into his knees for the Queen. 

            “As they permitted his first…. How many was it?” Aemond starts, a dark tone to his voice. “Three marriages?” 

              “Aemond.” The queen corrects him, casting a look to where he stood. 

              “I’ve never actually had to come and get permission.” Verlain laughs, still struggling in the position he was in. “I found it quite odd myself, considering my first wives weren’t so……plain. Yet this one drew the attention of the crown.”

           Plain. There that word was again.   The only word you’ve ever really heard to describe you…. That and the ones Aemond screamed at you that night. 

             “YOU DID NOTHING!” Aemond screams, shoving you slightly as your eyes well up in tears. 

                 You had come to check on him, desperate to make sure he was okay. You hadn’t been allowed into the room as he got his stitches, sent to your rooms immediately so the family may deal with their private matters. 

                “Aemond….they didn’t let me in with you. I swear it.” You defend, taking a step closer, desperate to touch him. His face was swollen and red.

                “That is not what I am talking about and you know it! You insufferable bitch!” He shouts and you rear back. “You let them do this to me! You are against me!”

“I’m not! Aemond I swear it!”

“I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID WHEN I WENT TO TELL YOU ABOUT VHAGAR!”

“I was shocked-”

“Then you let them do this to me!”

“I tried to stop it-”

“WHO WILL WANT ME NOW?!”

“What do you mean?”

                “Who will want to marry me now?! No one is able to look at me!” He sobs and you try to contain your sobs. 

                   “I…… I would.” You whisper, the sudden braveness shocking you. 

             “I’m sorry?” 

              “I…. I would marry you Aemond.” You say, a little louder. 

            He stares at you for a moment, shock written on his features before his face molds into anger, a dry laugh escaping him. “You?......YOU?”

              You take a step back, throat tightening as the tears fall freely now. Aemond is quick to notice the weakness, taking advantage. 

                 “Is that what I’m stuck with now? The plain cunt that let them maim me?” He steps forward and you take another step back. “I’m ugly…. But even then you would not be of my standard. A lowborn, boring, fucktoy.” 

              You can’t hear anymore, rushing past him to run back to your rooms, sobbing aggressively. 

                  Your maid cleans the wound, humming softly to ease your sobs as she does so. The next morning you sit by yourself on the ship, the queen and king hidden in the alcove as you are exposed to the wind of the sea surrounded by the crewman. 

                   Aemond flies over the ship, followed by his two siblings. All the dragons roar loudly as you turn away, tears falling as you stifle the sobs. 

            “What a charming way to describe your future wife-” Aemond snaps, taking a quick step forward only to be stopped by the hand, who also happened to be his grandfather. 

             You tried not to scoff at the comment, as if he hadn’t said worse to you. 

                 “I must say…. It has been so so long since I’ve gotten to see your face my dearest Y/n….”Alicent says softly, leaning forward. “Might you bless us by lifting your veil?”

                      Your shoulders tense as you nod slowly, moving to lift the veil up. Your hands shook as you pulled it back, finally coming face to face with the royal family. 

              You hear a soft gasp and turn to see Aemond staring at you, eye wide as his back straightens. 

               You whip your head away, turning back to the queen who is already staring at you. 

                    “Y/n…..” She says softly, staring at you as you shake in fear in front of her. 

                     “I’M SO SORRY YOUR MAJESTY!” You sob, falling to the rug beneath you, shaking from fear. 

               Things had been different since you got back, especially with the queen. She had been silent for 3 weeks, constantly biting at her nails and muttering about fairness. 

             You had avoided Aemond like the plague, every time you catch sight of him you would turn the opposite direction.His siblings would take his side so they were out of the question and everyone else at the court treated you like you were a peasant. 

You were lonely, and tired. 

                  You hadn’t spoken to anyone but your maid in awhile. Which led you to go to the queen, begging for her to let you go home. Begging. 

               She smiles at you, standing from the throne and coming down the steps, grabbing both sides of your face lovingly. “There you are….”

              “It is an honor to see you again, your majesty.” You whisper, trying not to bite at your lip. 

        “It is quite a pain to have to say bye to my old ward, I’m sure you understand Lord Verlain.” She chuckles, turning to the man. “You must give me time to see more of the union before I give my blessings.”

              “I understand completely, your majesty.” He snipes, his entire posture telling that he was lying. 

                “We shall feast with you tonight! It is settled.” She claps, walking away. 

             You move to help your betrothed stand, avoiding a look to the royal children as he shoves you back the second he stands.  “I’m beginning to debate if you are worth it, child.”

               He storms off, your father hissing at you as he chases after the man to ease the tension. You move to follow, hands clenching in fear as you imagine him calling off the engagement.

               “Wait! Lady Y/n!” You hear from behind you, the sound of steps quickly following your own.  “Please wait.”

                  You don’t turn, but you do wait, standing still as he walks up. The prince stands behind you for a moment before realizing that you would not be turning or looking up. 

                     He bends down to meet your gaze, walking around until he was in front of you. “I must say, you have grown.”

              “So have you, my prince.” You say softly, avoiding his gaze as he struggles to find it. “If you would excuse me, I should really go check on my-”

               “May I escort you through a walk in the gardens?” He interrupts, jaw clenched as he holds his elbow out. 

               You really have no choice, to refuse the prince would be an insult. So instead of speaking, you simply nod and grab his extended elbow for him to lead you to the gardens. 

                  You don’t say a word as you fix your veil, so that you wouldn’t have to look at him, following his lead. 

                 “D-do….do you remember all our times in the gardens?” He asks, a nervous tone filling the air as he clears his throat. 

                  “I do indeed, My Prince.” You state simply, jumping a little when his other hand reaches up to hold yours where it was placed in his elbow. When you go to pull away his hand grips onto yours a little tighter, interlocking your fingers with his.

              “Tell me about all the books you’ve been reading.” He demands, sounding excited for a moment, waiting patiently. 

                       “I….. I actually….. I haven’t read in some time.” You admit. “It is not suitable for a young women to waste her time-”

          “Says. Who.” He snaps, stopping you from walking. 

                   “I’m a woman now, Prince Aemond. I must, to procure a future, focus on things that would help that future.” Your voice is tense, fighting the urge to cry as you struggle to pull your hand away. But he doesn’t let you, instead pulling your hand to sit flat on his chest.  “Aemond please…. Someone could think this unseemly.”

                   “Finally, my fucking name without that stupid title.” He laughs, reaching the hand that wasn’t holding yours up to snatch the veil off of you. “And there she is… finally.”

                  You stay quiet as you move to walk away, trying to escape, but he pulls you back aggressively.

               “What do I have to do?” He snaps, jaw tensing. “To get you to speak to me-”

“I am speaking to you-”

                    “Y/n please!” He tugs you to the side, away from the chance of anyone seeing you both argue. “Please.. I haven’t seen you in years-”

“I needed to go home-”

                       “You avoided me after that night, I tried to talk to you but you always disappeared out of my sight-” 

              “I WONDER WHY AEMOND!” You scream, shoving him away. “Don’t ruin this for me.”

                 “Ruin what? You would have to have something to actually ruin.”

              “You know what I mean.”

               “Don’t do this. This is not….. He. Will. Kill. You.”

               You scoff, turning to rush away but he is quick to dive in front of you. “I have known you since we were children and I know that you are not foolish enough to marry a man with THREE DEAD WIVES!”

“Stop.”

                “You don’t read. You haven’t smiled. You…… You look two steps away from jumping out a tower like his second wife. And I refuse to let that happen.” He snarls, eye wild as he leans in. “I refuse to lose you like that.”

              “Leave me alone Aemond.” You seethe, shoving him back. “This is my job. Remember? To be the boring little fucktoy? So. Let. Me. Be.” 

                You rush away from him, breathing heavy as the tears fall again, the scar on your arm burning. 

                  Aemond watches you go, the veil he had torn away from you clutched tightly in his hand.

Should I do another part?

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[potatocitytechnology]

Desperate - J.JH

INTRO: Days got lonely for you working your plain old 9-5 job and all your colleagues found it hilarious that you hadn't gotten laid in forever. You were only joking when you said you would pay someone to sleep with you at this point...

GENRES: Smut

WARNINGS: Profanity/swearing, oral (F receiving), chocking/breath play, nipple play (receiving and giving), humiliation (giving), slight degradation along with that, Jaehyun seems to have a slight pain kink, dom!femreader, unlikely sub!Jaehyun, overall explicit content - DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THIS POST IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE, PLEASE!

WORD COUNT: 7.7k

AUTHORS NOTE: This turned out a little more hard core than I would've thought it was going to, but still pretty mild. A good fun one to read even if you don't enjoy femdom :)

Jaehyun wasn’t a sex worker and he certainly wasn’t a sub. He was just desperate for money. You knew this when he called you up and introduced himself saying he had heard from a friend of a friend that you were willing to pay a decent sum of money for a man to let you dom them for a night. If you were being honest you were kind of joking when you said it to your friend and everyone knew you definitely didn’t need to pay someone to sleep with you, but after hearing the desperation in his voice you couldn’t turn down the stranger at the end of the line. Not when he had clearly put himself out of his comfort zone to get your number and ring you. You just knew that your friends would be teasing you about this when you told them you’d actually followed through with it. Doming men was always a sort of fantasy you would put on the backburner whenever you slept around. Sometimes it would come out but more often than not it was just left to your imagination, so hence how the discussion came about. 

Over the phone you had made it clear that this would be a one time occurrence, as you were sure that you were breaking some sort of law as it was. Luckily he complied with that, pointing out that was his intention also and he prepared with his own term. No one, under any circumstances, is to find out. You couldn’t agree more. You didn’t need people other than your close friends finding out that you paid someone to sleep with you. Infact, it was bad enough having your small circle of colleagues knowing at all. The two of you agreed on a time and date and it was set. 

When 7pm Saturday comes around you find yourself anxiously sitting on your couch playing with your fingers and picking at your nails. It was dark out already and it was risky meeting a total stranger for the first time at your own house, you knew that. But you weren’t exactly made of money either, so buying a hotel room that you’d probably only spend an hour or two in if you were lucky seemed like a total waste. You just hoped that he wasn’t actually intent on murdering you then robbing the place. 

That thought does nothing to ease your worrying mind, so when the doorbell rings you visibly jump before standing up and flattening the creases out of your dress, trying your best to compose yourself. You begin to make your way to the door to meet the mysterious man who is waiting for you and that’s when it hits. This was a really bad idea. You freeze with your hand on the door handle. ‘Don’t be stupid.” You say to yourself.

You take a deep breath then close your eyes for a second before opening the door. What you immediately notice as the door separating you two leaves, is a hand about to hit you in the face and your eyes widen in shock. A short gasp escapes your lips and you take a step back in alarm. The hand in front of you immediately retracts and that’s when you see the man in front of you. Jaehyun, or at least that’s the name he told you. He must’ve been readying to knock again, you thought to yourself and internally shook your head at your antics. He was tall with black bangs that framed his face. Raking your eyes down his figure you notice that under his rather loose fitting clothes that he has a toned looking figure. When your eyes raise to catch his, you see the hesitancy that glaze through them. He stands slightly tense in front of you and by the soft and slightly worried look on his face you realise that this man couldn’t possibly murder you (but if he was going to he was a damn good actor).

Silence hangs in the air for what only feels like second but must’ve been a minute or two before Jaehyun shifts to lean on one leg. He reaches a hand out, this time gesturing for a handshake. “Hi, I’m-”

“Jaehyun.” You finish his sentence in a breathy whisper before smiling sheepishly. 

He lets out a chuckle nodding his head. “And you must be-”

“Y/N” Inside you cringe. Interrupting people was a rude habit you had to get rid of as it constantly bugged those around you, but Jaehyun just laughs lowly, nodding again. 

It stays quiet for a moment longer before you seemingly shake out of a trance, “Oh, please come in.” You step further into the doorway to allow him through and when he passes with a curt bow of his head and a small smile and you feel your heart melt. This guy had to be someone's boyfriend because there is no way he’s single with manners like this and those adorable dimples. If he’s not a murderer he has to be a cheater. 

You lead him into your living room and gesture for him to sit on the couch. “Would you like something to drink?” You ask, eyes watching him closely as he sits down and observes the room. His own eyes darted to your face, “A water would be fine thanks.” You nod politely before ducking away to the kitchen. When you’re out of sight you let out a breath of relief. This is so awkward, the air around him feels like it’s sucking the life out of you. You try to come up with things to talk about and ways to bring up the current situation without making it even more awkward as you fill up two empty glasses and walk back out to the living room. 

Placing the drinks on the coffee table you proceed to sit across from him in another chair and thank the gods that you actually have enough furniture in your house which means you don’t have to sit right beside him. He picks up a glass and takes a nervous sip while his eyes fly around to anything in the room that isn’t you. 

You clear your throat, forcing a wave of courage to wash over your features but it doesn’t shake the wobble in your hands or the slight tremble in your voice. “So, Jaehyun, what do you like to do in your spare time?” 

“Oh,” The question shocks him, you can tell by the way his eyebrows raise, “well I like to read.” You shift in your seat, trying your best to look more comfortable so that he will in turn, loosen up a bit. “So authors like Mark Twain, Charles Dickens?” You offer up a couple of authors that your male colleagues enjoy but he only shakes his head with a small smile at your suggestion. “No, actually. Jane Austen, Virginia Woolf and Shakespear if I’m in the mood.” It’s your turn to be surprised, an astounded “Really?” escaping past your lips and he nods with a half amused, half fake offence look. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t take you for a fairytale, feminist romantic.” 

He smiles again, this time showing his pretty dimples in all their glory and you can’t help but reciprocate the expression. “If you don’t mind me stating,” he starts and you try to keep an inviting look on your face as he attempts to keep his gaze locked on yours, “you don’t seem like the domineering type, if I’m being honest.” You feel a slight blush rise to your cheeks at his proclamation but pull yourself together with only a slight shake of your pupils being the give away at your uncertainty.  “No?” You question, letting a humorous tint lace your voice as you said the word - raising a brow. He shifts becoming obviously uncomfy but you just watch him amusedly. “Well, I was expecting-”

“A dominatrix?” You finish his sentence again and almost scold yourself aloud for interrupting, however taking note of the way his ears start to flush a deep pink at the very word.

“I suppose.” He admits, attempting to sit up straight and seem less small. Jaehyun had never felt like he wasn’t ever in control of a situation before and it showed. He was probably more nervous about handing over the reins rather than the rest of what was at hand as well. 

“Jaehyun, I’m not a seasoned pro at this. I simply want to experiment a little, but if you don’t feel entirely comfortable with this, then I’m not gonna judge you if you want to walk out right now.” You explain to him trying to seem as unthreatening as possible. His features harden as his lips set into a straight line. “I have to do this, I’m a bit tight for cash at the moment as you know.” He says and you visibly cringe. This is so illegal.

He sees your change in character and immediately stands to his feet to reassure you, “Oh, gosh I don’t want you to think you’re taking advantage of me or anything. This is completely consensual.” You begin to nervously play with your fingers once again as you let out a whisper, “Jaehyun, I’m paying you to have sex with me.”. 

He comes to your side suddenly and you become aware of the pleasant scent that follows him. “Just think of it as a favour, friend to friend.” He tries to convince as he kneels next to you on the ground. You look down at him, “Jaehyun this isn’t vanilla sex.” He cocks his head to the side in fake thought, “I know that. What if I told you I was kind of excited.” He nods sheepishly, letting his head fall to look at the ground where your feet lay. 

You look at the back of his head before he raises his eyes to look at you with a slight blush on his cheeks. “Just be patient. I haven't done this fully before.” You say and he smiles lightly, “I haven’t done this ever, so we’re in the same boat.” He replies and you suck in a breath. Maybe we are in the same boat, but let’s just hope we don’t get hit by a tidal wave. 

You let out the breath and reach a hand down to his chin. Your fingers grasp his jaw as you lower your face to his, ”If I’m gonna go to jail for you then you better make it worth my while.” You don’t get to see his expression before you bring your lips to his softly. The kiss is hesitant as you both get used to the feeling of each other's lips together. His hand reaches towards you to hold your face closer as he opens his mouth. When you nip at his lip he flinches before letting a grunt into the kiss, his grip on you tightening as his other hand rests on your knee. You pull away and take amusement in the way he looks up at you with parted lips.

“What’re your limits?” You mumble centimetres from his mouth and it takes him a minute to register your words. “Sorry?” Is his reply as he finally releases his gaze on your lips to meet your eyes. You shake your head in a show of fake disappointment before gently grasping his chin again. He expects you to lean down and kiss him, but you quickly drop your head to his cheek where the hot air of your breath fans against his ear lobe. It sends a hot chill down Jaehyun’s spine at the feeling, and he has to suppress his desired need to just grab you and force your mouth on his. 

“How far can I push you until you break, hmm?” You change your wording, putting slight emphasis between each word and you swore you could feel the heat pour off him in sensual waves, a barely audible gulp making your ears perk up. “Anything. You can do anything, just ask first if it’s extreme.” 

You hum in approval, allowing a slight grin to appear on your face as you stand up and gesture for him to do so as well. It takes him a moment efore he scrambles to his feet in what seems to be embarrassment if the red tinge that covers his features again is any indication. “We should go to my bedroom.” You mean to suggest, however it comes out as more of a statement. He nods and you then lead the way, taking note of the way he silently moves behind you as you wander through your hallway. 

When you reach the bedroom you open the door for him to step inside. As he does you come in behind him and shut the door quietly. “Sit on the bed,” You say before adding a “please” at the end of the sentence out of habit. You hear him as he takes a seat on your bed whilst you start to search through one of your draws. When you find the item you’re looking for you turn to see him already staring at you, so you smile reassuringly. 

You move over to him and his sitting position gives you a height advantage and you realise that it oddly sends a thrill through you. Even having such a little switch in the usual power dynamic has you excited already. You run the fabric of the blindfold through your fingers so that Jaehyun can see what it is clearly. “Do you have a safeword?” You can tell this question amuses him as a flash of humour passes through the light of his eyes but it leaves just as quickly as he remembers his reason for being here. “Do I have to have one?” He rebuts and you press your lips into a thin line. “I would prefer it if you did.” You reply and as he senses your slight disapproval at his question he mutters the word “Valentine” under his breath. 

You quirk a brow confirming ‘valentine’ as his safe word to which he nods and you breathe out an almost exasperated ‘ok’. “If you’re slightly uncomfortable though, you have to tell me. Say orange or slow down or something.” You say to which he replies with a firm but quiet ‘yes’. You then start to bring the blindfold up to his eyes before tying it firmly around the back of his head. As you do, you can’t help but to run your fingers through his hair. The soft strands tug gently at his scalp and have Jaehyun shivering at the sensation of the action. With his sight obstructed everything you do, everywhere you touch or even when you move, has him sensing things at a heightened level. 

You move away from him and take amusement in the way he rigidly sits, awaiting for you to do something. You have to admit the blindfold was a great idea, and you hoped that Jaehyun thought so too. You thought it might cut out some of the awkwardness and be a good way to start things off if you couldn’t necessarily see each other. With him waiting, you start to undress yourself. Bringing the fabric of your dress over your head to drop it on the floor. Jaehyun hears as it hits the ground and he subtly sucks in a breath at the action. 

You proceed to unclip your bra and slide out of your panties as well, leaving you completely naked in front of him. Jaehyun wouldn’t ever admit it but it was killing him just knowing you were standing only an arms reach away, completely bare, and he couldn’t see or touch you.  

You can tell it surprises him when you climb onto the bed, however you’re away at the other end, leaning on the headboard watching his back as his head turns over his shoulder in your direction. You breathe out a quiet, shaky breath but can’t help the excitement that builds inside of you. All of your skin is exposed and the slight chill mixed with this exhilaration in the air causes your nipples to prick up and goosebumps to appear on your skin. 

“Jaehyun,” You call his name and he lets out a hum at your voice. “Take off your clothes.” Your order has him gulping before standing up and trying to discard his clothing as best he can whilst having no vision at all. It’s clumsy the way he does it as you watch and he almost trips over several times pulling his legs from his sweatpants. He catches the way you chuckle slightly at his struggle and it causes a flash of humiliation to pass through him. 

Nevertheless, he feels his body erupt in tingles and the familiar feeling of becoming hard causes his head to spin at the revolution that this might be something he was into. 

You definitely notice the way he seems to throb at the sound so when he is left in nothing but his underwear you tilt your head to the side, forgetting he can’t actually see you. “What about those?” You question with a hint of judgement lacing your tone and you watch carefully as he slowly grips the band with his fingertips before pulling his last garment of clothing down. 

You aren’t completely shocked by his body. You did make a mental comment on how you thought he was hiding his toned form under less than flattering clothes, I mean after all he didn’t come here with the purpose of impressing you. However, as your gaze travels down his body you can’t help but to admire his athleticism, but what surprises you the most is his hard, leaking cock that stands tall under your gaze. At least you know he’s enjoying himself. 

“You’re so pretty, Jaehyun.” You muse and appreciate the way he shivers at the compliment. He clasps his hands in front of him, obstructing your view and you smirk in response. “Come here.” The order is short but he reacts right away, trying to feel for you on the bed. His head shoots up at your following command, “Crawl.”. You watch in diversion as he ponders the thought before he crawls onto the foot of your bed, proceeding slowly up to you. 

When he places his hand on your out-stretched foot, instead of retracting it shyly like you thought he would, he wraps his fingers around your ankle before following your leg up your body. The action surprises you and you can only sit stunned as he continues to crawl up between your legs, his hand stopping at your hip bone as the other once again rests on your cheek. He brings your mouth to his, connecting your lips in a kiss that feels much less cautious than the first and more full of desire. His lips are passionate on yours, the taste of lust seeping into your mouth from his. It’s not quite a whole mess but the sounds that tumble from your mouth into his make him hold your head on an angle that has his tongue angled deeper into you. 

You break the kiss with a push to his chest and instead of sitting back like you hoped he would, he begins to press firm kisses to your neck and collarbone. You find your hands in his hair, toying with the strands as puffs of air escape your lips before you realise what was supposed to be happening here. “Sit back.” You demand and he hums against your skin, yet doesn’t let up. Your fingers that are in his hair grip at his roots lightly before you use this grasp to pull his head from you. The groan he lets out as his head falls against your hand is pornographic and the sound sends shoots of arousal straight to your core. 

“You have to listen to me, Jaehyun. After all, you are being paid.” Your comment makes his cheeks redden in embarrassment but nonetheless, you marvel in the way his cock twitches. You tug his hair back further causing an arch to form in his back as he leans his chest into you. A chuckle passees through your lips before you lick over his right nipple, causing him to suck in a breath. “I’m paying you to do this because you asked me to. But you seem to enjoy it more than you let on, don’t you?” When no sound is heard from him you take the sensitive bud into your mouth, delivering a sharp pinch of a bite. 

“What was that?” You question, this time hoping for an answer. His hands grab at the sheets below as he lets out a grunt followed by a very quick, “Yes.”. 

Satisfied with his answer you release his hair. “Go sit at the foot of the bed.” Your order is simple and your tone leaves no room for argument as you watch the slightly desperate look on Jaehyun’s face turn to an annoyed one. You can tell he wants to rebut but you lightly slap his thigh in warning, “You don’t get to pick and choose what you get here tonight, Jaehyun.” That’s all it takes for him to tighten his lips before he makes his way to the edge of the bed, with his hands stretched out to find his way. 

While you keep an eye on him, you reach over to your left bedside table and pull out your trusty toy. It might seem pointless to have this man all to yourself and still want to use a vibrator but if you played your cards right, you could have Jaehyun keening in your lap for your attention. It would beat this cool and calm exterior he tries to hide his emotions in anyway. 

The toy you pulled out is a wand vibrator. Enough to push you along and enough to get Jaehyun wound up but sadly not enough to satisfy you tonight. As you switch on the toy, you watch as the man a foot away from your feet slowly swivels his head around, trying to discern where the light buzzing noise is coming from. It humours you when you see the expression on his face change when he figures out what it has to be. 

“Are you kidding me?” His question lacks intrigue and you notice a hint of disappointment in his tone that makes you smile. “What’s wrong, baby.” You ask, a slight mocking tone to your voice and when he doesn't answer you bring the vibrating head of the toy to your clit. You let out a sigh of content and a barely audible moan, that you can tell affects him as he gulps before running his tongue along his bottom lip. 

“What am I here for if you just want to do it like this?” His voice is firm, like he wants an easy answer from you but you only lightly laugh. He looks flushed as his hands fiddle in his lap to not touch anything he shouldn’t, and the amusement you seem to gain from his overall hopeless state only makes his cock throb painfully. 

“Who’s not to say that I didn’t just want you to watch?” You say and you can almost feel the twinkle in your eyes when you moan out loud and Jaehyun clenches his jaw whilst choosing to ball his fists in his lap. “That would be cruel, and I can’t even see.” Is his response. 

“It’s not cruel when you’re being paid generously to just listen. And I’ll let you see soon, maybe.” Your lips curl up when he grunts lowly in response, his pink tinged skin now a permanent feature on his pale complexion. 

Choosing now to let him wallow in his own self pity, you focus on the toy in your hand and start to move it against your sensitive bud with purpose. The whimpers and soft moans that leave your mouth are like a siren song to Jaehyun’s ears, your body calling him yet he’s stuck in place by your authority over him. If this was under any other circumstances, Jaehyun can name all the things he would do to you right now. You teasing him like this was just down right humiliating, Jaehyun was a man notorious for being in control with women. If he didn’t need the money so badly he would be ripping this blindfold off and fucking you into your bed so hard that you would forget your own name. But he wasn’t in charge, you were. So he has to sit still and take what you give him, even if it means listening to you get off on a toy while he was sitting right here eager to do anything for you. 

You call his name as you pleasure yourself but even you become frustrated with how close you’re getting just to sit on the edge of bliss. You turn the vibrator off and place it to the side before running your fingers through your folds. With your legs spread in front of him, if Jaehyun were to take off his blindfold right at this second he would see how impossibly wet you are. But you’re betting he can hear it by the way he licks his lips and the soft groan that escapes him as you stroke yourself. 

“What do you want from me?” He asks, with a desperation in his voice that you hadn’t heard thus far, “What do I have to do for you to use me instead?” His pleading tone makes your core clench, he’s practically begging. Which you could tell was a very rare occurrence from him.

You sit up slightly so that you can see him better. His brows are knit together and his entire body is flushed a light tinge of pink. What catches your eyes though is the sight of his angry red cock, pulsing with need. “What do you want?” You ask, your eyes glancing back to his face to see his eyebrows raise and a look of excitement flashes across his features. 

“Would you let me taste you?” He asks softly but with an edge of confidence as your own eyes raise at his assertive tone. The smirk that crosses your features indicates your mischievousness as you rebut, “How bad do you want to?” Your question doesn’t seem to throw him off like you thought it would, with only a light display of embarrassment becoming present on his face as he replies, “So bad.” 

You make him wait for a minute and the silence hanging in the air makes him think you’ll say no but you spread your legs wider and mumble out, “Go on then.” That’s all it takes for him to practically jump up, however he doesn't come up the bed to you. He instead searches for your foot before tugging you down to the edge of the bed, dropping to his knees when he thinks he has you placed where he wants. His soft hands run up from your knees to your thighs as he leans into your core, taking in your scent. You hear a short “fuck” escape from his lips and Jaehyun only wishes that he could see your pretty pussy. He almost has you jumping from his grip when his warm tongue makes experimental touches against your inner thighs, so close to where you want him. “Jaehyun.” The tone in your voice is once again warning, willing him to cut out the teasing and get on with it. 

He hums against you and gives you no warning when he suddenly parts your lips with the pads of his thumbs and presses his tongue into your heat. Your hands immediately fly to his head pushing him closer as your thighs enclose around his head. Drawn out moans fight their way from your chest into the air as you feel his hot tongue dart inside your dripping hole over and over again. Pulling back from you, you watch the look of concentration on his face as he tries to go at it blindly and you admire the sight of the dark fabric of the blindfold against his pale skin. 

You however get no more than a second of this before he is dipping back in, eager to show you that you should’ve used him from the start. He directs his attention to your clit and uses his thumb and index finger to squeeze it together lightly between the two, before he uses his tongue to poke at it in fast strokes. A series of curses and whines leave your mouth in a hurry, the feeling of his technique nothing like you’ve ever experienced before. While you are distracted one of his fingers begins to probe at your entrance and you don’t notice until he pushes it into you slowly. Your back arches and you once again grip his hair to hold him close as he pumps the digit inside of your heat. Making up your mind, you decide to pull the blindfold from his head, tossing it elsewhere in the room. 

Jaehyun’s eyes adjust quickly to the light of the space and he is immediately grateful to you for not only taking off the blindfold but also for having such a pretty pussy like he had hoped. Your wetness drips down from the finger that’s inside you to pool around his knuckles, and before you can breathe he’s ducking back down to latch his lips around your clit. He adds another finger to your hole carefully and begins to suck harshly on your bundle of nerves, his obvious motivation right now to see you come apart in front of him. 

Your grip on his hair is tight and only makes him groan into your core when your fingernails graze his scalp. The vibration sent through you in turn has your core beginning to clench as the pressure of pleasure builds within you. 

Jaehyun senses your state by your rigid muscles and the raise in pitch of your moans, and works to double his efforts. His fingers draw in and out of your heat at a rapid pace and his mouth suctioning on your clit with his tongue occasionally poking through to prod at it has you seeing stars behind your lids. You cum faster than you ever have when a guy’s gone down on you. The overwhelming pleasure that consumes you as you gush out onto his awaiting tongue has your body twitching while he lets your hips ride against his face. 

When you finally slump back down onto the bed, your muscles are spent and your pussy is still clenching from the power of the orgasm. Jaehyun’s fluffy hair tickles at your thighs as he brings his head back up, a primal look in his eyes as a smile graces his lips. Your mouth twitches into a similar state as you raise a brow, “Why do you look so happy?” 

He shrugs in response before sitting up on his knees, “I bet you wish you let me do that sooner.” His smug expression has your eyes narrowing, a playful hint passing through them. “Why don’t you come sit up here Jaehyun, get up off the floor.” You say indicating for him to lay in the space to your left. 

He stands up to his full height and you begin to remember how good it feels to order around a man who could easily overpower you. It’s even better when you realise that they don’t want to. The bed dips as he lays down beside you and you turn on your side to face him, your faces millimetres from one anothers. 

His eyes hold scepticism as you run your fingertips over his chest, tracing special patterns around his nipples. You feel him shiver under your touch as you do so. Quickly and before he can react you flick his right nipple causing a low hiss to escape his parted lips. “What a sensitive little thing you are, Jaehyun.” You muse, once again a touch of mockery slipping into the speculation. 

Your eyes catch his as a breath escapes him. Maintaining his gaze, you slowly lower your mouth to his chest where you let a dribble of spit slip past your lips before it falls directly onto the flicked nipple. He sharply inhales and you find yourself tingling at the effect you have on him. You do the same to his other nipple before you blow on both of them. Exchanging from the right to the left. 

The harsh temperature change on his sensitive buds has his lids half closing and short pants escaping him before drawing your attention down to his leaking cock. You hum lighlty as you resume flicking his nippples slowly, watching for any signs of actual pain but you only see pleasure enveloping his features as a drawn out breath turns into a whine. Again the easily flustered man immediately tries to catch the sound in his throat, but it’s too late. 

Your eyes zero in on the way he tosses his head to the side in embarrassment and you take this opportunity to lean up and press hard marks to the soft skin of his throat. You surprise him with a pinch to the nipples as you do so, and his hands immediately fly to your waist attempting to pull you on top of him. You pull back and tut, a borderline condescending look on your face as his eyes plead with you to stop teasing and give him what he wants. 

You trail a hand up his thigh tauntingly before stopping just beside his cock. The head pulses almost violently and you wonder if this is what it must feel like for him to have ‘blue balls’. Jaehyun thinks the exact same thing. 

“Do you want me to touch you here?” You question almost sadistically as your fingers dance around where he wants you most. He begins to squirm under your touch and he nods his head. You pretend to ponder the thought, “I think you should ask.” you say in amusement as his head shakes. 

“Touch me.” The demand leaves you slightly stunned but a smirk makes its way to your lips. You grasp his cock suddenly, the tight, dry friction on his sensitive dick having him all but yelp in pain whilst his hips thrust into your grip in contradiction. You lean forward slightly, your smile a sheet hiding your teeth that you display threateningly, “Ask nicely.” 

HIs body heaves in need and the slight pain of your grip and your show of aggressive dominance causes a shameful moan to grace the air. “Please. Touch me.” He rushes out in an attempt to mask the sound. You sit back on your heels, a satisfied smile replacing the sadistic one. “Good boy. You’ll find doing what I say works in your favour.” You pretend to not notice the way his thighs tremble at the pet name, instead choosing to spare him of the added embarrassment. 

You place yourself in between his legs and lean down, but before you can get too close to his leaking member, a hand finds its way into your hair. “No.” You all but growl and the pressure is immediately gone, almost making you wonder if you had imagined it. But as you look up to him from your position the way he turns his head to the side and gulps shows you you hadn’t. 

You choose to let it slide, figuring it was a habit and it would be mean to punish him for it straight away. However as you once again lean closer to his cock his hand is back, this time tangling in your hair. Your sharp eyes puncture him before your words can as you lean over him, your body pressed firmly against his. “For fucks sake Jaehyun, can your stupid little horny brain not comprehend that no means no.” His wide eyed response almost makes you think that your outburst was too much for him but when he swallows a deep groan and thrusts emptily into your thigh, you know. This little shit is getting off to this more than you thought. 

You grab his wrists so tightly you swear your nails leave imprints on him and another moan tumbles from his lips. You breathe harshly, almost annoyed he’s becoming more and more turned on as you become increasingly tired of his antics. You thrust his arms forward above his head causing your boobs to bounce and land an inch or two from his face. His barely open eyes snap to your exposed nipples as he arches himself from the bed, lifting his face to your chest and in turn, causing friction to occur between your tightly pressed bodies. 

His thigh between your legs rubs at your clit deliciously and your eyes all but roll back as his mouth connects with your hardened bud. With your weight still pressing his wrists out of reach he is rendered almost useless and a shot of arousal shoots through your core. You slowly start to grind your pussy against his bare thigh and the sensation has a short gasp pulled from your throat. Jaehyun moans against your nipple as his teeth lightly scrape over the sensitive skin. He tenses his thigh as he switches his attention to the other breast, popping the last from his mouth. 

You continue to rock against him, completely aware of how your own thigh pushes against his balls and lower shaft, causing him slight relief along with an appreciated ting of pain. He seems to mostly get off to how you use him though. The way you tend to lose yourself in the feeling, almost completely forgetting he was there and only focusing on your own pleasure has his mind foggy. “You just let me use you, don't you.” You chuckle, a borderlining scary glint passing through your eyes but it only makes him want for you more. 

You release his wrists from your grip in favour of placing them either side of his head as you sit yourself up in a more comfortable position and the movement has your chest leaving his reach. So you can continue rocking your cunt against his toned thigh but also be close enough to his face for what you wanted to try. You raise your right hand slowly up to his neck before wrapping your fingers loosely around the column of his throat. His eyes immediately close and a light hum of appreciation that exits you turns to an elicit moan as he moves his thigh in a way that has your clit being pressed against it in just the right way. 

With this, your fingers tighten slightly and you feel as his hands twitch above his head where you left them. You lower your head so that your lips hover above his, “Good boy, just lightly. It feels good.” He gasps as you choose this moment to slip his pulsing head into your entrance. A slight rotation of your hips is all it takes and he slips in easily, filling you almost too good. Again, your grip on his throat tightens and you know when the sensation of both hits him as he lets out a gorgeous moan, the sound causing you to tighten around him as you begin to pop your hips on his cock. 

Jaehyun was about to cum. You could feel it by the way he seems to expand inside you, and you wouldn’t blame him. He’s been on edge for a while and the combination of your pussy wrapped around him and your fingers tightly wrapped around his neck, would have him seeing stars. Though, you won’t let it be over that fast. You don’t know Jaehyun’s body well enough to know what his recovery period would be and you are not paying as much as you are to let him cum that fast in your pussy. 

Just as you feel he’s only a stroke or two from exploding you lift off him, causing a pitiful whine of his to fill the room. You release your grip on his neck in favour of tangling your fist in his hair tightly and leaning down. “You know it can’t be that easy baby.” You pout, the now familiar mocking tone present in your voice. 

“What the actual hell.” He groans, pulling his head to the side, almost purposefully so that the tug on his hair is harder. You place a gentle kiss on his sharp jawline before patting his chest, caressing him so lightly as to not rile him into cumming untouched. When enough time had passed that you were satisfied he was again far from orgasm, you slowly sunk down on him again. 

Jaehyun tries not to move, he really does, but he’s just so fucking sensitive from beging edged. He cries out curse words as you move against him slowly. His back arches off the bed and trying to sooth his mind, you tug at his roots till his head tips back again and you lower your head to litter light kisses on his throat. Now marked with light hickeys and obvious marks from where your fingers were tightly coiled around his neck.

All of these light touches and soft movements bring Jaehyun closer to cumming much faster than he thought he could but like before, you felt his impending orgasm and chose to lift right off of him. He whines a hopelessly loud cry and attempts to usher you back down on him by lifting his hips. When you don't budge he frustratingly brings one of his hands that he had so nicely kept above his head, between the two of you where he grasps his cock in his hand. Hissing from the sensitivity of two denied orgasms, he tries powers through and tug at himself desperately.

It’s only when you pull his hand from his cock underneath you that you notice the water pooling in his tear ducts. Dear god, you made him cry. You shush him soothingly and wipe the stray tear that falls. He grabs your wrist looking up at you with pleading eyes. “Safeword?” You question. He shakes his head no and you internally smile. “Please let me cum.” he begs, a strain lingering in his voice. You nod and he prepares for you to take a seat on him when you suddenly roll to the side making him panic. You weren’t going to leave him like this were you? Pay him and send him home? 

“No, no, no. Please.” he pleads before you connect your lips with his, encouraging him to roll to his side as well. He melts into the kiss, easily letting you lead as he obliges, fully facing you as you press yourself closer to him. You lift your leg so that you are half straddling his hip and use the heel of your foot to press his hips to yours. His cock nudges at your thigh and he shudders, lightly placing one hand on your cheek and the other on your waist. Silently asking for permission. When you don’t push him away, he deepens the kiss, moaning into your mouth as you reach a hand down to grasp him softly and align him to your entrance once again. 

He doesn't push himself into you. He seems to have learnt better than that in your short time together. So when you once again press your heel to his ass he gets the hint and jolts into you. His mouth gapes open as you continue to kiss him and small whimpers fall from your own mouth. It’s been a struggle for you too, don’t be mistaken. As everytime he gets edged, effectively, so do you. So when he does finally start to rut his hips into yours you know he won’t last long. His movements are slow and deep as he fights his own sensitivity to finally tip over the edge. 

It feels intimate. The position, the pace, the way he parts from your mouth to look you in the eyes before his lids close in bliss everytime you squeeze around him. You know very well by now when he's getting close so when you feel him begin to throb inside you, you guide his hand on your waist between the two of you and you think he gets the idea. He presses small, slow and sensual circles on your clit that has you quickly tipped over the edge. Your body in turn convulses as he rides you through your high. The pulsing and tight heat of your pussy around him paired with the contractions from your orgasm has his own high crashing into him. The most beautiful sounds leave his raw throat as his eyes screw shut, his grip on you tightening and you swear you’ve never seen a prettier sight. 

The next few moments you two just spend lying in each other's arms, both too sensitive to move until you know that your pussy has held him captive long enough. You gently pull away from him, lowering your leg back down to your side. Another moment passes and Jaehyun still has his eyes closed and you almost think you’ve given him a heart attack. “I don’t want to leave.” he mumbles and you almost laugh in relief. 

“You don't have to leave right now Jaehyun.” You asure and his eyes peel open, grip still tight around your waist. 

“No, you don’t get it. I don’t want to just go and never see you again.” His voice is barely above a whisper and you find yourself caught in thoughts. Does this mean he’s caught some sort of feelings? I mean you would be lying if you said you didn’t feel anything but this was only supposed to be a one time thing. 

You go to move, trying to untangle yourself from his arms and avoiding his gaze. “Look Jaehyun, I’ll just get your money-”

He pulls you close to him so that your noses are nearly touching and your heart thumps hard in your chest as his eyes make contact with yours. “I don’t want the money. I want you.”

You sigh in relief once again. “I want you too.”

[goingmorry]

Hellooo I love your writing soooo much >>•<<

Could you please write headcanons of ASL sister introducing Smoker as her fiancé ? Thank you so much !

[One Piece Headcanons] ASL Brothers -> when you introduce Smoker as your fiancé

Characters: Ace, Sabo, Luffy, Smoker

Tags: female reader, overprotective brothers

Author's Note: Thank you for the cute request! I got carried away and added short scenarios for each brother's reaction and a little extra at the end. I hope you like it! 💖

PORTGAS D. ACE

Goes from 😯 to 😡 to 🤬

Ace.exe has stopped working.

He's the 2nd Division Commander of the esteemed Whitebeard Pirates; who in their right mind would think it would be a good idea for him — the son of the late Pirate King — to meet a Marine Vice-Admiral?

Cue war flashbacks of when Garp showered him, Luffy, and Sabo with his "fists of love" for sharing their childhood dreams of becoming pirates.

Goes through all seven stages of grief and complains to Sabo every single time.

Threatens Smoker every chance he gets. The Marine Vice-Admiral repays in kind when you're not around.

Doesn't warm up to the idea of you and Smoker as a couple except on your wedding day.

"Behave yourself," you whisper to your fiancé, soft hands tightly gripping his muscular bicep in warning.

"I'm on my best behavior. It's your brother who needs to behave," Smoker says bluntly, brown eyes observing the freckled pirate's reaction to you and your beau's interlocked arms.

Ace stares, and stares, and stares — at his little sister and the familiar white-haired man he encountered early on during his journey to Alabasta — dumbfounded at the scene before him.

"Fire Fist," the Marine Vice-Admiral calls out, breaking him from his reverie.

"You—" Ace yells, flames erupting from the tips of his fingers to rapidly engulf his entire first.

Before your fiancé can return your fiery brother's sudden display of aggression, you step in between their bodies, eyes alight with fury.

"Stop it!" you scold Ace, extending your pointer finger and thumb to pinch his ear in retaliation.

He frowns at you, but obliges, flames extinguishing from his curled fist. "We need to talk. Now."

Not waiting for your response, Ace saunters off toward his bedroom at the other end of the hallway, posture stiff and robotic. To anyone, outsider or not, it was evident from Ace's appearance and demeanor that the usually friendly pirate was clearly not in a good mood.

"Just wait here. I won't be long," you say to Smoker before dashing off in pursuit of your freckled brother.

When you close the door to his bedroom, Ace begins his tirade, arms crossed against his bare chest as he faces your more petite frame.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

You look at him in bewilderment but don't say a word, waiting for him to elaborate.

"Him! That—that big oaf! There are millions of men in this world! And it has to be him? I don't approve!" Ace doesn't stop himself from frantically gesturing at the closed door — the only piece of barrier, aside from him, of course — separating you from your fiancé.

You frown at Ace's insult, adopting a defensive stance. "Don't call him that! And I don't need your permission, you know. Why are you acting like this?"

"You're my little sister! Of course, I'm concerned!" Ace adjusts himself from the desk he was leaning on. "Do you know what he's done to Luffy?"

You shakily exhale at his accusatory tone. "I know! We've talked about this. He's promised to look the other way when it comes to our family."

"And you believe him?"

"Of course, I do! He hasn't given me any reason to doubt him."

"He's not exactly husband material," Ace interjects, to which you roll your eyes. At this point, it was apparent to you that your big brother was grasping at straws, finding reasons — however shallow they may be — to make you reconsider this marriage.

"He dresses better than you, that's for sure," you say childishly.

Ace's eyebrows furrow, taking great offense to your statement. "What's wrong with the way I dress?"

"Have you seen yourself? You're always strutting around like you own the place. Shirtless and all," you comment, scrunching up your nose in disgust. "Have some common decency at least."

"He's not wearing a shirt either!" Ace says indignantly.

"No, but he has a jacket—"

"That he leaves open all the time, which basically makes it useless," Ace argues, "Why bother if you're not even gonna wear it properly?"

"Argh, forget it. I don't want to talk about this anymore," you say, burying your face in your hands.

Ace takes the hint, feeling guilty as he walks over to your defeated form to rub circles on your back slowly.

A truce, for now.

- - - - - - - - - -

Sometime later, when you return from Ace's bedroom, you find your fiancé calmly sitting on the corner of the couch. Without a word, you plop down beside him and rest your head on the crook of his shoulder.

Smoker takes a deep drag of his cigars, observing your distraught appearance and the lack of a certain cowboy-hat-wearing pirate. "Well, that went well."

SABO

Goes from 😟 to 😩 to 😭

Dies a little bit on the inside.

His precious little sister finally finds love, and who's her betrothed? The infamous White Hunter himself.

He expected this behavior from Ace, but you?

Discreetly pulls you aside to express his disapproval.

Learns to cope and eventually warms up to your relationship with the Marine. How can he not when you look so happy?

De-escalates arguments between Ace and your lover every single time.

"Sabo!" You pull your big brother into an embrace which he reciprocates.

When the blond Revolutionary notices the white-haired man standing behind you, he stiffens, gloved hand reaching behind his back to clasp his metal pipe.

Noticing your older brother's sudden alertness, you nudge his side in reassurance. "This is the fiancé I've been telling you about."

Sabo quickly puts two and two together. All those conversations you've had with him, and not once did you mention that you were engaged to an officer of the Marines. And not just any Marine officer, you were engaged to the Commander of the notorious G-5 base.

In an effort to remain composed, Sabo forces a half-hearted smile — appearing more like a grimace really, but an action you appreciated nonetheless - and extends his right arm to your fiancé for a handshake.

"Nice to meet you."

Ignoring the daggers you were glaring at the side of his face, Smoker hesitantly grips the blond Revolutionary's hand. "Pleasure," he grunts out, letting out a puff of white smoke from his cigars.

For a moment, the two men clasp at each other's hand in a show of fake camaraderie.

Choosing to ignore the growing tension thick in the air, you clap your hands together in mock enthusiasm.

"Great! Let's meet the rest of the family, shall we?"

MONKEY D. LUFFY

Goes from 😁 to 😊 to 🥳

The only one who's okay with your relationship with Smoker.

He's survived having Garp, the Hero of the Marines, as his grandfather; he can certainly handle an additional Marine in the family.

Gets along with your fiancé the best, though Smoker himself denies this.

"Woah, what's Smokey doing here?" Luffy says in awe, looking back and forth between you and the Marine.

You tap your feet in nervousness, gesturing between Smoker and your youngest brother.

"Luffy, this is my fiancé. Smoker, this is my little brother."

"I know who Straw Hat Luffy is," Smoker says impatiently, barely glancing at the pirate standing a few feet in front of him.

"You haven't been formally introduced to each other, have you?" you say indignantly, hips cocked to one side as you stare at your fiancé's tepid behavior.

"In a normal setting, I mean," you clarify, "You chasing him and his crew does NOT count."

Smoker shrugs at your accusation, and you sigh.

Luffy laughs at your scolding, looking up at the Marine. "It's okay. I meant what I said in Alabasta. I don't hate you, y'know?"

You smile at your little brother's statement. You could always count on Luffy to be accepting of your partner, whoever they may be. Also, he wasn't the type to dwell on the past, preferring instead to live in the moment. And that moment was your engagement to the Marine Vice-Admiral, the same man who used to hunt Luffy and his crew throughout the Grand Line for being wanted criminals.

'Tsk' is all Smoker says to the straw hat pirate's proclamation, earning a disapproving pinch to his side from you.

"Be nice," you whisper harshly to your fiancé's ear.

The sound of your little brother's joyous laughter is enough for the normally serious Marine to let out a small smile.

BONUS BELOW LMAO

MONKEY D. GARP

Goes from 😌 to 🥰 to 🤗

T H R I L L E D that his grandson-in-law is a respectable Marine.

The epitome of Proud Father Figure™

Compares the ASL brothers to Smoker every chance he gets during family reunions.

"Y'hear that Luffy? Smoker just caught a band of no-good pirates terrorizing the local townsfolk." Luffy picks his nose in acknowledgment.

Garp points an accusatory finger at Ace. "You damn brat, why couldn't you listen to me and become a Marine like I told you to?"

Garp gives a disapproving glare to Sabo. "And you! Why'd you have to join the shady Revolutionaries and become a wanted criminal like my son?"

Garp proceeds to give the ASL brothers multiple rounds of his fists of love. Meanwhile, he smooches your forehead in happiness for finding a suitable husband.

You and Smoker live happily ever after. The end.

[godlygreta]

flower power | j.m. kiszka.

title | flower power

summary/request | "Any chance I could get a Josh Kiszka fluffy smut where maybe they had a crush on each other when they were teens but they both denied it and the reader meets Josh again after he becomes famous and they confess their feelings? Then it could turn into a fluffy smut?"

warnings | this does have smut towards the end, but that's mostly all of the warnings. it's sweet smut, so no dirty dirty shit

word count | 3k

author’s note | this was sort of rushed but also not?? some of it was, but there were parts that i had written for a while, just needed to connect them. it's unedited as always, i'll eventually get around to editing my shit lmfao

enjoy this besties! i love you all sm, thank you for all that you do always :)

don't ever hesitate to send requests ! or send me songs to listen to ! i love new music :) the link to my ask is right here: [x]

The day you first met Josh was bizarre from start to finish. Not in the sense that it was all weird but almost too perfect, cliche. You were the new girl at Frankenmuth High School. The bell rung and you were hopelessly lost, the school (although small) was a fuckin’ maze to you. A student came from the main office, backpack slung over one shoulder. “You lost?”

“Um, yeah. I just moved from Detroit and I have no idea where I'm going.” You huffed out a laugh, hand running through your hair. You handed him your schedule, eyes looking over it. “Can you please help me find my homeroom?”

“Yeah, you’re with me. For most of your classes, actually.” You began to follow after him, your feet always two steps behind his. “I'll be your personal escort of the day, alright?”

“Thank you.” You breathed out, walking behind him into your first class of the day, English 10.

You were enthralled by how smart Josh was. You had learned more about him as the school year dragged on. He introduced you to the play, different clubs that the school had as well as his family. You even got to pick up the guitar due to Jake, who taught you every time you came over, which was quite a bit.

You had become inseparable from them. Anytime someone would see Josh anywhere, you would not be far behind. Every early on gig they had, you were there. You loosely became their guitar tech, handing Joshua his guitars and Sam his bass whenever he would switch to the piano. However, scheduling conflicts forced you to choose between them and your dream of medical school.

Studying pre-med at University of Michigan was an absolute dream come true. The friends you made would last a lifetime, some of them becoming engaged and married, asking you to be in their wedding. When your 25th birthday came, and you still hadn’t gotten a boyfriend or girlfriend, you decided that maybe you were destined to be all alone.

You scavenged the web, looking for concert tickets as a present to yourself. A present for your birthday, for getting through the gruelling final exams, the late night study sessions -- all of it. A name rang a familiar bell, the name sounding so familiar. It all clicked. “Holy shit.”

You tried your hardest to get pit tickets. When you had succeeded, a million things raced through your mind. Most of them were curse words. You FaceTimed as many of your friends as you could, asking them what to wear. The faster their tour date came around, the more nervous you were.

You were so endlessly proud of them, the biggest smile rose on your face anytime their music played. You had missed them, not realizing how much you did until you’d listened to the studio versions of their songs, knowing their first couple drafts of them didn’t sound nearly as good. You knew how gruelling some of those songs were to them - the riff wouldn’t cooperate the way Jake wanted it to, Josh’s voice wouldn’t harmonize with itself the way he imagined it.

But now here you were, right against the barricade, closer to Jake’s side but relatively in the middle. Your heart pounded inside your chest, batting around your ribcage. You had talked to a few of the other girls against the barricade with you, laughing with them as you really take in the impact that they’ve made in these girls' lives. Your heart swells, knowing how much they love what they do.

They came out on stage, one by one, Danny coming first. You made eye contact with Jake, who’s eyes lit up like NYC during Christmas time. Sam came out next, looking over to Jake before seeing you in the crowd. He waved wildly, goofy smile painted on his face. Last to join the stage was Joshua.

The highschooler you had known was gone. Instead, a man replaced him on stage. The way he carried himself was so full of swagger, your breath was taken away by how beautiful he looked. You had always had a little thing for Josh. You never let it go anywhere, though, out of fear of rejection. Memories of the past came rushing through your head, your body feeling faint with how powerful they were.

Jake sat next to Josh on the couch, guitar laid in his lap as he strummed a tune that was unbeknownst to you. Sam fucked around on the bass, attempting to match it with a baseline. Danny’s fingers drummed on his thighs, watching Sam’s face as he played. The rhythm section was inseparable, much like you and Josh were.

Your body was close enough to Josh’s that you could feel the heat radiating from him. Your eyes closed as Josh began to vocalize, random strings of words falling out. The more and more you listened to him, the more at ease you felt. Your heart soared out of your chest, the smile left on your face couldn’t be any wider. This was home.

But the good memories came up just as much as the bad memories did.

“It’s selfish of me to not want you to go.” Josh spoke, sadness clear in his voice.

“It’s just as selfish of me to not want you to go, too, but being able to travel and do what you love is your passion. Although it’s Jake’s dream of being a musician, you bring light and love to these people, Josh. You’re an absolute ray of sunshine, you should share your light and wisdom with as many people as you can. I’m not going to stop you from seeing the states, hell, even the other side of the world. We’re just on different paths right now. We can always visit when you’re back in town.”

“I don’t even know when that is, Y/N. We’ll be on the road for at least two years.” It made your heart heavy knowing what you had to do.

“I can wait two years to see you, Josh.” You spoke, wrapping your arms around him. “But for right now, we have to say goodbye.”

“I don’t want to say goodbye.”

“Then don’t think of it as goodbye. Think of it as a way of saying ‘see you later’ or something.” He nodded, arms tightening around you. You could feel his tears hit your shirt, causing your eyes to water.

Those two years did wonders. They had matured so much. Josh’s undercut had grown out a bit, his hair becoming more and more unruly curly.

His eyes met yours, almost faltering over the words. You smiled warmly at him, face absolutely beaming. His smile became so wide, his pearly whites almost blinded everyone in the crowd. It amazed you how beautiful he had become.

He was already beautiful, especially in high school, but now he was just so much more confident in himself, what he does, in the music he makes. It looked good on him, looked way too good on him.

The song played. The one they wrote in their garage, you sitting next to Josh on the ground. “This one’s for my best friend from high school who’s in the crowd tonight. She’s seen many versions of all the songs you’ve heard so far. This one’s called ‘Flower Power’.”

His wink towards you made your face hot. Your eyes became glossy as you watched Josh sing. Your heart filled with as much love and light as it did in that garage.

The show ended too soon in your opinion. You loved listening to them, their sound having matured over the years they had been gone. You lingered around the barricade, waiting for one of them to come up to you. Jake was the first one, wrapping his arms around you and rocking you both from side to side. “It is so good to see you. College’s really made you hotter, hasn’t it?”

“I could say the same for you guys and the tour. How’s it been?”

“You have no idea how beautiful some of the places we’ve been are. Josh will have to take you some day.” A light pink painted your cheeks. “Lord knows how long he’s had a crush on you.”

What?

“He does not have a crush on me, Jake.” He gave you that look, you know the one. The ‘yeah whatever you say dumbass’ look. “I’m serious!”

“He has a crush on you, and you have a crush on him.”

“Crush sounds so juvenile, Jake. It’s not even like that!”

“Yeah okay. Let me know when you two finally profess your love for each other.” He walked away with a wink, Josh coming from the same direction.

“Hi,” his voice was quiet, nerves rattled throughout his tone. “You look… beautiful.”

“You look good, too.”

“The boys and I were going to go to the bars to get a drink, would you like to come with us?” You nodded, walking backstage with Josh. You hugged Sam and Danny as they were dressed back in their street clothes, talking and catching up with them while Josh got redressed.

The shots you took with them went down like water. Drinking had become slightly easy for you, needing to find a way to wind down in undergrad. Fireball just tasted like Big Red, tequila and vodka tasted like water, and whiskey had always tasted like dirt to you. The boys watched as you tried to outdrink Jake, which failed. You had given up, remembering how hard they even went in high school. You could outdrink high school Jake, but not musician Jake.

“You wanna go outside and get some air?” Josh asked, slightly yelling over the music in your ear. You nodded, grabbing your jacket off the back of the chair.

“I’m so proud of you.” You spoke, the cold air hitting the two of you as soon as the door opened.

“I’m proud of you too. Pre med is no joke.” Josh grabbed your hand, rubbing his thumb over the backside of your hand. “I missed you everyday.”

“I missed you, too, Josh.” His lips looked soft. You couldn’t stop staring at them, especially as his tongue ran over his bottom lip. “Would you like to go back to my apartment? We can have a sleepover like we used to in high school.”

“I’d love to.”

Your apartment was just as he suspected it would be. Nice and neat, slight Halloween decorations lingering although Halloween had long since been over. Photos from high school had littered some of the tables, others were filled with who he presumed to be your roommate and other friends you had made during your time at UM.

“I feel bad for missing out on so much. Tour got so hectic.”

“Don’t apologize, Josh. It’s not your fault. We were both incredibly busy. I barely had any time for myself, let alone anyone else.”

“Not even a boyfriend?” Josh asked, questioning your relationship status. He was curious for himself.

“No boyfriends for me.” You had him follow you into your bedroom, handing him one of his old t-shirts. “I have a bunch of them, so don’t hesitate to take it with you.”

“You kept some of my shirts?”

“Karen gave me a bunch of them after you guys left for tour. She also visited me and brought me tons of home cooked meals. I swear, your mother thinks I’m one of her children.”

“She does it because she loves you,” you turned around, about to tell him that you knew that. He was standing super close to you, face not far apart from yours. “I love you too.”

“I love you too Josh.”

“Not as a friend.”

The silence that cut through the air wasn’t awkward. It was more comforting than anything. You hesitantly wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. Your hands played with his hair, “you mean it?”

“I’ve been in love with you for years now, I can’t keep it in anymore.”

“I love you too. Not as a friend.” Years of anticipation built up between you and him. Your eyes both flickered from each other’s eyes to their lips. Leaning forward slowly, Josh met you in the middle, his lips pressing to yours lightly.

Fireworks, stars, the fucking Aurora Borealis, whatever you wanna call it - you saw it. It lit a fire inside your bones, making you ache for something you didn’t even know you were missing. His hands pulled your body closer to his, tightening on your waist. You sighed into the kiss, a sense of calm washing over you. You walked him backwards, letting him sit himself on your bed.

You sat on his lap, tracing over every inch of his chest lightly. His hand stayed placed on your thigh, rubbing it gently with his thumb. He could stare at you forever and not think of it as a waste of time. For you were his muse, the reason his songs usually contained love and happiness in them. He gazed into your eyes like there was nothing else to look at, like there was only you. “You’re so beautiful, mama. Even more than words can describe.”

Strap by strap your clothing was removed. When you were fully naked, you sat on the bed, waiting for Josh to finish. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from his body. He was absolutely perfect, from the slant of his shoulders, to his hip bones, which stuck out a bit. You didn’t understand how you became so lucky to have shared such an intimate moment with someone as amazing as him, but maybe you did. It had been years in the making. You held out your hands, a small, endearing smile on your face. He gladly accepted your hands, kneeling on the bed in front of you.

With your hands still holding one another’s, your lips reconnected. It was slow and wet, which was exactly what was needed. His lips were soft against yours, his tongue gliding against your bottom lip, but soon his lips slipped from yours, travelling towards the curvature of your jaw, following down your neck. He laid you down, his hands removing themselves from yours, finding their spot on your hips.

It felt like his hands were everywhere and they pretty much were. He wanted you to know how much he loved you. He went back to kissing your lips, his tongue running along your bottom lip again. His lips lazily dragged along every inch of your body, moans and soft curses falling from your lips. They slowly made their way down to the lowest part of your stomach, your eyes rolling back into your head out of frustration. You whined, “Do something, please.”

“We’re not in any rush, mama. Just let me explore you a bit.” His knuckles were grazing the inside of your thigh as he spoke, inching ever-so-slightly towards your core. He kissed the top of your thigh, making his way towards your hip bones. He kissed the skin right above your cunt, as the knuckles on his hands grazed over your bare center. You gasped out, your hands finding their way to his hair. He smiled against your skin, teasing you as you tugged at his roots.

“Josh, please.” Your voice was hoarse with desperation.

“Of course, love.” His face pulled away from you, as his hands replaced his face. Your moans were only loud enough for the both of you to hear. His lips twitched to form a small smirk, before planting kisses on your neck. The pleasure coming from his mouth and his fingers were overwhelming, curse words left your mouth louder than the moans did. But his hands and his mouth detached from you, making you whine.

“Lemme take care of you, okay?” He spoke softly, pushing hair out of your face, and you didn’t object. You nodded, pulling Josh down on top of you. You both giggled, your lips connecting once more. Josh unwrapped the condom and slid it on, looking into her eyes afterwards. “Are you all good?”

“All good,” you whispered. He smiled at you, pressing his lips to yours as he entered you. He wrapped your legs around his waist, waiting until you had given him the okay to move again. Your bodies molded together, his hands roaming all over your body. You fit together perfectly, the last two pieces of a puzzle falling into place. It was just as slow as your kiss - hips moving in a perfect rhythm, Josh moaning into your ear as your nails raked down his back, “Agh fuck.”

You could feel it, you were both so close. Beads of sweat littered both of your faces, your hands intertwined once again. Hips rocked into each other’s, yours more rapid. His breathing was irregular, his chest rising and falling quickly, almost as quickly as yours. You were already on your way to release from before, your hips reacting before you even knew what was happening. Your high washed over you like waves from the ocean. Quickly after, Josh’s high washed over him as well, his hips still moving until he rode it out.

You laid next to each other, your hand reaching for his. Your fingers interlaced, Josh’s hand bringing yours up to his lips. His kiss was soft against your warm skin. You smiled, unlocking your fingers, turning your body towards his. The confidence within yourself grew with every touch, you didn’t mind being bare in front of him. All your cares and worries were kissed away. His fingers pushed hair from your face. “You’re honestly so fucking beautiful. In every fucking way.”

“Kinda mad it took us this long to get to this point.” He kissed your nose, bringing the covers over you. “But good luck getting rid of me now.”

“It might have taken a while, but I wouldn’t change anything for the world. Now that you’re mine, I’m never letting you go..” He turned on the television, letting the sounds of late night t.v. help guide you both to sleep.

[littlemisspascal]

Ezra’s Journal Entries #4-6

Fandom: Prospect / Pedro Pascal

Pairing: Ezra x Female!Reader

Word Count: 1,133

Summary:  I don’t deserve you, little love of mine. Not one damn piece of you.

Warnings: angsty fluff, night terrors, PTSD, Ezra dealing with the aftermath of the Green, language, 1st person POV (Ezra), dialogue in italics because that’s just how I chose to do it, overuse of space metaphors, no beta so all mistakes are mine

Author Note: As always, thank you readers for your support! All the love to each one of you! Hope you like these new segments 💖

Entries #1-3 #7-9

Cross-posted on AO3

Look for additional notes at the bottom.

I feel a little less torn after speaking with Cee, hearing her voice crackling across the radio regale me with details of her current studies at Cero Tol, the latest novel she’s devouring, the daytrip she made to Lao to collect shells for an art project—it reminds me there was a sliver of profound goodness to come out of my otherwise disastrous journey to the Green. She rambles and babbles and laughs at her tongue’s inability to keep up with all she has to share. Her soul has found exactly what it has always yearned for: a life of her own making.

For all that she lost on the Green, she has adapted to her new path and overcome every obstacle with the same bullheaded determination a helianthus possesses. Never losing sight of her goals just as the flower never loses sight of the sun. 

I must admit I’d been reluctant to split ways with her after our perilous escape from the Green—after all, nothing bonds people together faster than the collaboration of slicing off an arm and creaming the gaping wound shut, then immediately engaging in a bloody conflict with heavily armed mercs—but she deserved better than to live a floater’s life tainted by a lack of morals and the uncertainty of not knowing if she would survive from one sunrise to the next.

She deserved to live a life amongst her own peers. To rouse that spark of creativity her father tried to extinguish. To turn gold in all the ways I cannot. 

Sending her to school was worth every point and credit we managed to scrape together. Still, I remember how bittersweet it felt watching that little bird, ever so fearless in the face of sudden change, march right up the ramp of the freighter at the Pug, determined to make me and you proud by excelling at the academy. Standing amongst the sea of parents waving goodbye to their children, I wrapped my arm around your waist, rested my head atop yours, and forced myself to swallow a harsh pill of truth.

With or without me in her life, Cee is going to be just fine.

I remember how you swung our linked hands as we walked back to our ship, your sweet voice a soothing balm easing the ache of my melancholic heart. Ezra, she’s fierce and bold and strong. That little golden child is going to have her name written in the stars one day.

Kevva do I hope I live to see your vision come true.

First thing I remember noticing about you was your eyes. Remember how I caught you staring at me from across the bar? You looked at me like I was your North Star pointing you home, like I was something shiny and special. You scared the fuck out of me. It’s the worst thing I ever thought, but it’s true. I would have fled the scene if your gaze hadn’t anchored my soul. 

You introduced yourself, and I knew goodbye would never be a word exchanged between us. No, we became a pair of binary stars, constantly orbiting each other round and round, hello again and see you soon. Falling in love with you was inevitable. The Currents designed you perfect for me. Designed you with meteorite in your bones and sunlight on your lips and all the constellations sparkling in your eyes. There is no grander form of paradise than to feel you beneath my hand. There is no comparison. No second place contender. Just you, your tender heart, and the galaxies you contain. 

Sometimes, late at night when you’re asleep and my thoughts are too loud for my head, I stare at the ceiling and speculate about alternate verses. Verses starring another me and another you crisscrossing each other’s paths as we’re pulled across the galaxy by our heartstrings. Somewhere, there is another me who never escapes the ruthlessness of the Green and breathes my last with Inumon’s knife in my lungs. Another me who will never know the emotional and physical anguish that accompanies the loss of a limb. Another me who pulls the thrower’s trigger without hesitation, firing a shot between the wide eyes of an innocent girl. Another me who ignores the temptation of harvesting aurelac in hopes of making a reputable name for myself. 

Somewhere, there is another me who ran away from another you.

And it pains me to wonder if perhaps you’re happier never knowing me.

I speculate about those two most of all.

I woke up to screaming. My mind was a tangled mess, caught between the thin barriers separating reality from dreamscape, and I was truly convinced my head would explode from the noise. Inumon wouldn’t stop screaming no matter how hard I squeezed my fingers, no matter how much of my bulk I pressed down upon her. It’s me! She wailed like an animal in a trap, sensing impending doom but unable to flee from it. It’s me, it’s me, it’s me! Please, Ezra!

A thought crossed my mind, as sudden and blinding as a shooting star streaking through the midnight sky, and I found myself incapable of ignoring it. How does she know my name? I had cloaked my identity using a dead man’s name. It wasn’t feasible for her to know the truth or for the sound of my name coming out of her mouth to set my skin aflame. 

There aren’t words to describe the horror which consumed me when I looked down upon your tear-stained face. 

My mama once told me everybody’s a sinner. We have wickedness embedded in our cells from womb to tomb. It buries its roots deep, resistant to our attempts to rid ourselves of its corruption, and waits for the precise moment to inflict pain upon those we love most. Those who choose to love us despite the warning signs.

In the aftermath, when my fucking fingerprints were smudged across your throat blue and purple, you held me like I was a human and not a monster or a vexation or a broken thing to toss aside. I couldn’t stop trembling, couldn’t stop my mind from conjuring a torturous loop of what ifs. 

What if I hadn’t stopped myself? What if you hadn’t broken the nightmare’s spell? What if your last word had been my name? 

Hush, you whispered. My tremors worsened upon hearing the raspy quality of your voice and you pressed your lips to my forehead. An undeserved benediction. I’m here. You haven’t lost me. 

I don’t deserve you, little love of mine. Not one damn piece of you. If I could I’d give you the whole galaxy, but I only have one hand and it terrifies me to risk letting you go. Forgive me, please, for asking you to stay with me.

Forgive me for how much I dearly love you.

Notes:

Cero Tol is a made up academy based on Cerro Tololo Inter-American Observatory located in Chile. 

Lao is an island planet(?) mentioned in Prospect. Damon tells Cee she was born there.

Helianthus is the genus for sunflowers. I liked the fanciness of it 🙂

Points were referenced in Prospect as a type of currency. Credits are a Star Wars form of currency that I thought would also be fitting to use.

Binary Stars =  a system of two stars in which one star revolves around the other or both revolve around a common center.

I like to think there are alternate realities or a multiverse. It’s fun to imagine all the different possibilities another me is experiencing. 

I don’t think I’ll ever understand why guns in Prospect are called throwers, but that’s what the creators decided so that’s the terminology I’ll use too.

Series Taglist: @insomniamamma

Permanent Taglist: @promiscuoussatan, @melobee, @randomness501, @captain-jebi, @artsymaddie, @happiestsparkleofall, @gallowsjoker, @vintagesaph, @sylphene, @chibi-yuki, @freeshavocadoooo, @stilllivindue2spite, @pointy-sharp, @leilei-draws, @over300books, @theocatkov, @oh-no-a-whovian, @you-and-i-deserve-the-world, @lin-djarin, @rogertaylorsfalsettogivesmehives, @coaaster, @waywardmando, @thisshipwillsail316, @grogusmum​, @asta-lily, @mylifeofcalculatedchaos, @absurdthirst, @disgruntledspacedad​, @read-and-rec​

[trilies]

A twitter thread on grooming that I thought was good to pass long further on tumblr as well. Original source here: https://twitter.com/heartsalty/status/1156043571985653760

Transcription of this, plus some things from the twitter thread:

A lot of us are guilty of talking about increased awareness of red flags re: predators and signs of grooming without directly providing them, so I've compiled a some based on a number of articles online (links to follow.)

Helpline resources: https://www.rainn.org/national-resources-sexual-assault-survivors-and-their-loved-ones

The images:

“Signs of Grooming:

1. Taking special interest

The first step of the relationship, where the predator beings pursuing the relationship. Predators target people they perceive as vulnerable.

While social media provides an outlet for people to relate to one another, unfortunately it’s safer NOT to broadcast sensitive personal information, including feelings of insecurity and unhappiness.

(In my experience growing up online, predators zero in on minors who mention strained or difficult relationships with their parents.)

2. Gaining trust

During this stage, the predator will establish themself as a friend. They may use things they have in common, such as experiences, goals, interests, or hobbies, to formulate a bond. 

It is important not to share personal identifying information, such as location, with someone you do not know.

3. Fulfilling needs

Here, the predator will begin to establish themself as a confidant. They will become a listening ear, offering affirmation, gifts, and continuing to take interest in your life and interests. They will likely make promises to improve your life or begin acting in a romantic manner.

Watch for overly familiar compliments or personal questions.

4. Isolating

The predator will try to become your #1 through continued compliments, manipulation, or veiled threats. They will encourage you to keep secrets.

Anyone who tries to guilt you for having other friends or tries to pit you against other people in your life does not have your best interests in mind. Likewise, be wary of someone who acts like you’re responsible for their happiness/well-being or who feeds into insecurities about relationships in your life.

5. Desensitizing

The predator will begin to introduce sexual tones into the relationship. They may ask about your sexual orientation or experiences, begin making innuendos or other sexual jokes, and/or provide you with sexually explicit content. This can range from sexually charged content to p/ornography.

There is no need to feel ashamed or guilty for establishing boundaries. If someone crosses the line, you are within your rights to end the relationship.

6. Controlling

Predators will try to assert control through the use of threats, blackmail, abuse, or manipulation (guilt, shame, blaming).

Talk to someone you trust or access a helpline. It isn’t too late to end this relationship.”

Ok, gonna clarify some stuff: •These points are listed in order; it's a gradual shift from 'new friendship' to 'toxic relationship.' If you never get past 'fulfilling needs' then you prob made yourself a good friend.

(though I think the extent to which they try to fulfill your needs is still something to be aware of, just to avoid codependency which can be unintentionally harmful or stunting) 

The reason why I personally included the first two points is to show that a predator is going to look normal and trustworthy before escalating their behaviors.

also to remind kids not to broadcast their personal issues

If you take issue with this list, fine. Lemme know if I misrepresented something. But they ARE the signs of grooming most commonly acknowledged by child safety orgs & that's the basis of the post. The only other thing I can speak to is my own experience & that's 100% objective.

Finally, I kept this list short so people would read it. I couldn't account for EVERY caveat or "what if" scenario. That's where your own common sense comes in, I'm not the authority on this subject.

I really want to emphasize that predators are smart and they know what they're doing. If you've been hurt, you're not alone and it isn't your fault. You're not dumb, or weak, or anything else you may have been led to believe. You're human. 

If you're in a relationship that you suspect may be predatory, please know that it isn't too late to get help. It's best to back out early and apologize later if you find you've misjudged the situation than ignore your gut and end up being right. 

And anyone, especially minors, be aware. You can't tell someone's intentions by looking at them or by what kind of media they consume or fandom they participate in. You only know who someone is by the way they behave. Predators will deceive you by having the "right" appearance. 

I'm not saying you should be paranoid or that you shouldn't form any relationships online. Just be discerning & careful. Also, it's worth noting that if you meet up with someone online and they don't want to meet in a public place or they want to take you to another location? Red flag.

Not to go all STREET SMARTS! but it's true that your chances of coming out of a situation unscathed decreases once you've reached the second location. 

Be safe out there, everyone. And if you think someone might be a predator, for christ's sake don't engage w them. The last thing we need is vulnerable people being encouraged to act like vigilantes instead of going to the authorities, who actually have the power to do something. 

[wonlouvre]

pairing: doctor!wonwoo x lawyer!female oc genre: modern royalty, arranged marriage, fluff and future angst word count: 4.1k WARNINGS: orphanage, mentions of abandonment and lost of parents

author’s note: just a little filler chapter as we continue reading on the progress of their relationship! thank you so much for waiting! i hope you enjoy reading

six: hustle and bustle | masterlist

When Wonwoo went to college, he moved out from the Royal Residences and rented an apartment with Soonyoung and two other friends of different majors. That period of his life where he was swamped with school works and other official duties, had given him the smallest of chances to go home and sleep for more than two nights in the bedroom he had since he was a teen. From then on, he managed to handle most of his activities on his own. He was assigned a staff that would help him navigate through his busy lifestyle and that was about it.

Their Majesties were not bothered at all by their son’s independence although, oftentimes they felt terrible because of how busy they were, they lacked the time to spend with their only child.  

It was a challenge for the Royal Family to apply the definition of “family” in their own context, but in the end, they made it work. The kingdom was flourishing meanwhile the family is loved and supported more than ever. 

Their Majesties knew of their son’s wishes to marry his past girlfriend and they were more than ready to support him. But then again, he was young and when they heard their decision to go their separate ways, they were also there, ready as they will ever be, to support him. 

Wonwoo wasn’t impatient to find love again. Most especially when he landed a job at the Royal Hospital of the neighboring kingdom. If he was driven to excel as a student, he was more than driven to be the best that he can be when he worked full-time. 

Occasionally, your arrangement with him crosses his mind. He likes you. He really does. He likes how you message or call him. He likes how you smile and talk to him. He likes seeing you and having you around. And just recently, he likes holding and kissing you. 

He’s just worried that maybe because of this whole arranged marriage thing, the two of you are moving too fast. Or that maybe, this is just an infatuation that may vanish anytime soon. 

He doesn’t know why he’s thinking of such thoughts so early in the morning when you’re here with him but he can’t help it. 

Wonwoo was the first one to wake up and the sight of your back greeted him. An elated smile is drawn on his face when he remembers the night before. He still remembers the feel of your lips and breath against his. It makes him wonder if he’d get to feel them again today. He yawns and reaches his hand out to your back, gently running it against the t-shirt you borrowed from him. A low chuckle then escapes his lips as he tries to figure out how you even got on the edge of his bed when he clearly remembers how he locked you in his arms last night. 

After a moment of just listlessly playing with your hair and back, he finally scoots over and completely wraps his arm around your waist. He tugs you close to the middle because he’s sure one more movement in the wrong direction, you’re going to fall over. 

His action caused you to wake up. Wonwoo meets your bleary eyes and he’s immediately apologizing with a guilty grin. 

“Sorry. You can go back to sleep,” he says and fixes the hairs that’s covering your face. 

You sigh and close your eyes again before sinking further back on the pillow. “What time is it?”

“I don’t know either,” he answers sheepishly. “But, it’s early. Too early to leave the bed.”

You give him a look of disbelief before pulling yourself up, much to his dismay. A few stretches of your neck and arms helped get rid of your drowsiness. As you stand up to go to the bathroom, the Prince remains sprawled out on the bed with arms now behind his neck, just watching you fondly.

“Have you been awake all this time?” You ask while gathering your dress from the rack, contemplating if you should wear it again instead of being seen with the Prince’s clothes. “You looked like you’ve been creepily staring at me.”

Wonwoo scoffs at your remark and finally stands and follows to where you are. He finds you standing in front of the sink and fixing your hair. With crossed arms, he leans his broad shoulder against the doorframe. His mind goes blank again with thoughts filled by you only. 

“You didn’t deny it,” you say and pick up the toothbrush you used last night. “And you’re doing it again.”

Wonwoo snaps out of it and rolls his eyes. “I think you’re liking it though.”

You tried to fight against his claims but your mouth was muffled by the foam of the toothpaste. Wonwoo laughs at your struggle and walks towards the sink as well to mirror what you’re doing. Your playful glare was returned by Wonwoo with a wink. You fake a disgusted gag and the two of you just laugh altogether. 

Wonwoo’s concerns earlier were thrown out the window the moment his eyes saw your smile and ears heard your laughter. He’s confident on how his heart fluttered at the thought of sharing every morning like this with you. A few banters or bickering here and there but if it ends up with a warm hug and breathtaking kiss then he won’t complain. 

“I have to go back to my room,” you say as you wipe your face with a towel. “For real this time.”

Wonwoo pouts and holds your waist. “I told you it’s still early.”

“Wonwoo, it’s already seven thirty in the morning,” you tell him after giving the clock on the wall a quick glance. 

Wonwoo doesn’t relent and wraps his arms around you. “And? Don’t people sleep in while they’re on vacation?”

“Let’s just meet at breakfast,” you dodge his question and untangle his arms from your body, to which he protests against. “Wonwoo.”

He doesn’t let you go as you walk towards the door. You’re dragging a six foot tall baby giant and you don’t even know if you can actually reach the door at this rate. 

“Let go.”

“No.”

“Wonwoo, please—” 

“Aha!” The door suddenly opens and to your dread, it’s the Queen. “I knew I’d find you here!”

What ensued in the early hours of the morning is something you wish to not be spoken about as you and Wonwoo carried on with breakfast. The Prince still insists that he locked his door and you are a witness of that, in spite of getting lost in each other’s heated kisses last night. But then again, his mother is the Queen and it’s no question that she’d have keys to every single room of the Royal Residences. 

Plus, Her Majesty was more than pleased to see the two of you getting along so well that you even share a room and bed together. You apologized profusely at the breakfast table but all you remember is her dropping it by saying how welcome you are to stay at Wonwoo’s bedroom from now on and if you wish, she’ll have your luggage moved right this instant.

Wonwoo was embarrassed, but he doesn’t disagree with his mother’s suggestion. He knows she’s joking so he played along even though it earned him a painful pinching on his thigh under the table. 

His Majesty already left by seven sharp for his scheduled meeting with the cabinet members hence the absence at breakfast. 

After a hearty breakfast and relentless teasing, you and Wonwoo proceed with the agenda for the day. The Queen gave a short briefing on what the day has in store for the two of you. She regretfully informs you on how long and tiring it might get, but assured you that it will be only for today and afterwards the two of you can have the freedom to explore and do whatever you want for the coming days. 

You and Wonwoo have had similar busy days even before you got engaged so this is something you’re already used to. It’s just that this time it’s a different load because you’re doing it together as a couple. You must say it’s nerve wracking, but Wonwoo is here and he will be with you every step of the way. 

The Queen excused herself a little while later, leaving you and Wonwoo remained seated to wait for the staff to finish preparations for your departure. 

As you look around the pristine garden, Wonwoo catches you by surprise with a kiss on your shoulder. You could barely feel it from the button up you’re wearing, but let him be nonetheless. He leans his forehead on said shoulder and you do the same to the top of his head. 

“Still sleepy?” You ask and you can feel him nod. 

“I can already see myself falling asleep in the car.” 

You snort at his dramatics and lightly tap his cheek. 

Wonwoo then abruptly lifts his head up and juts his lips in a pout. “We should have slept in.”

“Her Majesty will not hesitate to wake us up,” you remind him while shaking your head and rolling your eyes.

“No she won’t!” He insists and holds your hand. “She’d think “poor babies, I should let them sleep.””

You let out an uncontrollable giggle. “That’s not how it works Wonwoo. For one, we’re literal adults in adult bodies and second, we can’t escape this whether we like it or not.”

Wonwoo couldn’t argue with you anymore so he opted to narrow his eyes at you instead. He attempted but Jeongyeon’s arrival cut him off. She happily announces that the car is already at the front and that you’re good to go. Wonwoo mumbles “we’ll talk about this later” to you when he stands up and takes your hand. 

You just nod your head to let the baby in him win. 

Timely enough, Wonwoo’s alma mater is celebrating its founding anniversary and they invited the “Royal Couple” - as they call the two of you these days - to say a few words of motivation to the student body, most especially those who are about to graduate. 

It was only supposed to be Wonwoo, but when the news of you joining the Prince for his homecoming spread, they didn’t think twice to invite you as well. You were more than okay to just let Wonwoo do his thing and watch from the sidelines or through a livestream, but you considered that it’s only right and polite to introduce yourself properly to your future husband’s people. 

So far, the people from yours and his have been very welcoming and supportive of your union. However, you can’t be complacent because a minor slip up by public figures like the two of you will not be tolerated by the people who have the potential to be cruel. 

The university’s biggest auditorium was booming and vibrating from the loud cheers and claps of every student and school official present when your arrival was announced. Men and women alike cheered specifically for their Prince and senior who returned the enthusiasm welcome with a strong wave and bright smile. 

You do the same beside him until you both reach the designated chairs near the stage. A bouquet of flowers was presented for you by some students to which you gladly accept. Wonwoo keeps your hand clasped with his, only letting go to shake hands with his previous professors. 

Shortly after, the crowd quiets down and the president of the university stands at the podium and officially opens the program. 

You’re nervous. That’s the least you can say out of all the emotions that’s running through you at the moment. You think you look awfully awkward and stiff with your posture and you’re afraid that this could be on the front page of every newspaper the next morning. Your appearance should be the least of your worries right now, but you can’t help but feel conscious.

Wonwoo must have noticed because he took hold of your hand that’s placed on the arm rest, giving it gentle squeezes and a quick kiss. This is him letting you know that he’s right here and that you’re okay. You didn’t even notice that you’ve been holding your breath all this time. You exhale and squeeze his hand back. It makes you wonder if he felt as nervous as you are now when he made similar appearances back at your kingdom. 

“Thank you, your Highness, for accepting our invitation,” the dean of the Medical and Health Sciences department, who took the microphone after the president’s opening, says and claps at your direction.

You and Wonwoo stand up to wave once again to the clapping crowd, their energy not dying anytime soon. 

Wonwoo is then invited to go up the stage to grace the students who have been waiting to hear his voice since the program started. He takes the microphone from the dean after he shakes his hand. 

“The last time I was here, I was about to graduate,” he starts and the expecting crowd listens. “I was younger and you know, really excited and relieved that school is finally over and I’m free!”

The students laugh and so do you. 

Wonwoo continues, “It didn’t cross my mind that I’ll be standing here again and be embraced by your kindness. I will make this short as I’m sure that you’d much rather prefer the festivities outside instead of being here,” he tries to humor and the students disagree with him. 

“The people first,” he emphasizes and points his forefinger up, “As someone who is delegated to do various activities responsibly, I do it not for my image or the cabinet or even my family. I do it because of the people, because of you,” he says and gestures his hand to them.

“Likewise, as a doctor, I do my job responsibly with the people I’m serving in mind. I do it for their well-being, safety and overall survival. That’s my purpose and I hope that as you have yours, you remember to be selfless because that’s what we need the most. I congratulate you in advance, for those who have only started and for those who are about to cross the finish line. Congratulations because I know and I believe that you’ll do well and even better. Just hang in there a little bit more and take breaks if you need to. I hope to see you around someday, wherever it may be.”

You don’t know if it’s your imagination playing tricks on you, but Wonwoo seems to be dashing and blinding as ever. The way he stood and spoke gracefully made him shine as if he’s the only light that’s being illuminated inside this auditorium. 

Wonwoo ends his speech with a sincere thank you and a polite bow. The crowd claps and cheers for him (for the nth time). The school officials went to the stage and gave him flowers as well, to his surprise, before proceeding to have their pictures taken to commemorate the event. 

You clap just like everyone else and watch Wonwoo with your smile never disappearing. It didn’t take long for the Prince to search for you and meet your eyes. With a wide smile, you give him two thumbs up. In response, he charmingly winks at you. 

You can’t believe you like this guy. 

I like him, you realized. 

You’re just realizing that now after doing almost everything with him. Holding hands, sharing kisses here and there, hugging each other’s warm bodies and even spending the night together. 

Yeah, I like him. 

Lunch had to be short because you have one more place to visit. Jeongyeon mentioned that the drive could last approximately forty minutes to an hour. If you want to get back to the residences before it gets too dark, you need to get moving. You just grabbed a honey bread, which was Wonwoo’s recommendation since it’s his favorite and it’s the kingdom’s famous delicacy. You accompanied it with a cup of tea meanwhile Wonwoo got himself a cup of coffee. 

The two of you ate your quick bites inside the moving vehicle and it was a stretch to not spill your beverages. The driver had to slow down every once in a while, but you and Wonwoo just giggled like some teenagers out on their first date. 

Twenty minutes in the drive, Wonwoo is already passed out with his head laid on your shoulder while his fingers are interlaced with yours. You’re not sure if Wonwoo is tired or if he’s just really a sleepyhead by how much he’s been sleeping since the two of you arrived. Well, it’s only your second day. But you clearly remember how he slept on your way here, then today on the way to the university and now to your next destination. 

Nonetheless, you let him be because this will last for two weeks only and after that, he’ll be back to his hospital duty schedule. And you won’t deny, he is definitely cute with his mouth ajar.

You have been to an orphanage several times before. Usually it’s with your parents as an official duty and other times, it’s just you. After witnessing various cases involving children at your internship at the Supreme Court, a purpose arose. 

Children in your kingdom, like in any other kingdom, are beyond valued and laws are enacted to emphasize that value. Any crime committed against children is corresponded by punishments, regardless of who and what you are. 

You haven’t handled a case firsthand and you hope to never do so.  

This visit is nothing new to you and Wonwoo. But the heartbreak each time you step foot at such a place is something you’ll never get used to.

The children of the orphanage were nothing but full of joy when you and Wonwoo stepped out of the car. Their smiles and waves were enough to put a smile on your faces and lift the heavy burden of today’s affairs. Some of the kids ran to the two of you and handed flowers and small trinkets as gifts. One of them proudly said that they made it during their arts and crafts classes. While the others agreed saying how they made it just for you. 

You and Wonwoo have your hearts swelling in adoration.

Hand in hand, you and Wonwoo followed the head caretaker as he toured you around. The facilities were of great condition, making it a healthy environment for the children as they play, study and grow. Right now, the orphanage only offers elementary education as there is only a small number of orphaned teenagers. But that doesn’t mean that they are taken care of any less. 

A lot of changes and improvements have been made as the kingdom made an effort to protect the welfare of children in the country. According to the caretaker, there has been a spike of abandoned children on the streets from the previous year and to say that they are alarmed is an understatement. Volunteers, mostly teachers from elementary schools, protested and appealed to the kingdom’s cabinet members to do something and accordingly enough, they did.

It was a gradual process and it still is. But to them slow is better than unmoving. 

After the program where the children presented a play of the turtle and the hare and the older brothers and sisters performed a dance number, you and Wonwoo were led by the caretaker to the gallery where photos that dated back to the establishment of the orphanage were displayed. 

The photos hold memories of past volunteers and children who used to live here. Some stories of the children before were saddening. They didn’t only lose their real parents, oftentimes they also lose the second chance of having one. Some do get adopted meanwhile some grow old here, considering the orphanage as their sole family. It was difficult and eventually, the orphanage faced trials that almost caused its closure. 

But the perseverance and sacrifices of the people here fought against those trials that helped the orphanage’s service to continue to this day.

“These are the children who got adopted this year,” the caretaker shows you a framed photo while the Prince spoke with the volunteer doctor about the health and wellness of the children. 

The kids in the photo donned innocent smiles as if they were smiling directly at you. You touch the glass of the frame and try to embed their faces on your mind just like how you did to those you have met today. 

You pray that they get to be happy forever. 

You don’t get to see the sunset as much. The sunrise, maybe. But sunsets are a rare sight for you because of how late you stay at your office every day. So when Wonwoo suggested to stop by the nearest beachside and watch as the sun sets, you didn’t hesitate to say yes. 

Wonwoo is the opposite. The sunset is closer to his heart because that’s usually the time where he catches a break. He’s go-to place to take in the majestic view is at the hospital’s rooftop. Sometimes Soonyoung accompanies him with dinner and sometimes he’s all by himself with a warm cup of coffee. 

It’s a bit cold as you walk barefoot on the sand. It’s a relief that you’re wearing the pants that Jeongyeon prepared for you among the other options. 

Wonwoo’s holding your one hand while you’re using the other to carry the heels you wore today. Security is lurking around as they give you the space and free time that you need. Today has been eventful but fun. And ending it with a peaceful walk on the beach only comforts you further. 

“You were cool today,” you speak up against the sound of the waves and bump your shoulder to his. “Earlier at the university.”

Wonwoo smirks, but hangs his head low. “I’m always cool.”

You roll your eyes. “Whatever.”

After a few hundreds of steps, Wonwoo pulls you down to sit. He keeps his hands locked with yours as you take the last minutes of the ablaze color of the sky which is also reflected on the water. 

“What do you think of going to my family’s vacation home tomorrow?” He asks while smiling at you.

You pretend to think for a second. “I really can’t say no to that, can I?”

Wonwoo purses his lips. “No, not really.”

“Well then, I think it would be lovely,” you finally answer. 

Wonwoo took advantage of you facing him and stole a kiss from your lips. Your eyes widen with the fleeting contact while your cheeks burn in spite of the cold breeze coming from the ocean. The Prince laughs at your reaction and pulls you closer to him with his arms wrapped around your waist. 

“From my memory of last night, you kissed me first.”

You threw daggers at him with your glare and hit his arm. “You’re unbelievable.”

“What? You don’t want to kiss me anymore?” He acts hurt and clutches the middle of his chest. “I’m hurt, Princess.”

“I didn’t say that,” you mutter under your breath and Wonwoo grins in victory.

“You started it so you’re gonna have to keep your end of the deal,” he whispers as he snuggles his face to your neck. “You’re marrying me after all.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Wonwoo suddenly draws back and gazes into your eyes. 

“What?” You ask, confused.

“Kiss me.”

You push him away and stand up. “You know what, it’s getting cold. I want to go back to the car.”

“No!” Wonwoo holds onto your calf to prevent you from escaping. “You have to kiss me first!”

He seems to have forgotten that you’re not the only people enjoying the beach by how he’s acting and it’s starting to get embarrassing. He doesn’t seem to care as well because he remains persistent, hugging your leg and whining against it. 

“Okay, okay!” You appease him and secure your hand on his cheeks. “Just one and we’re leaving.”

Wonwoo promises with a nod and stands up. He wraps his arms around your waist again, hugging you close to his chest. You rest your hands on them and stand on your toes to finally reach his expecting lips. 

You give him a quick close-mouthed peck and that’s it. 

“You call that a kiss?” Wonwoo teases, tightly holding you because he’s not taking any chances of you escaping him again. 

“I’m starting to dislike you,” you say while pouting. 

“Not if I do this,” he refutes and pulls your chin up so that he can lean down to kiss you fully. 

Just like that, Wonwoo steals your breath again and you don’t even know anymore if it’s doing your heart good or not. 

You’re guessing it’s the former.