#The Tikis are pretty

[katfreaks-hidyhole]

[evostrashbin]

a complete collection of all of the (mostly) FEH inspired headshot & bust doodles I've drawn so far!

[skullislandproductions]

Jerry Mouse serenades a lovely island girl on his little ukulele, as a dumbfounded Tom watches on, in this watercolor done for Van Eaton Galleries “Tiki Toon Group Art Show” in 2015.

[abbinurmel]

Golly I have not watched modern SpongeBob or even any regular TV at all in a very long time, so I have no idea how recent ago this episode was, but if that is not the saddest yet nicest most wholesome thing ever they have done for Squidward since the ending of Band Geeks, I don't know what is. The show always shines best whenever Squidward is being treated by SB and Patrick very well-intentioned and nicely, (regardless of how ever screwed up it gets by mistake) or when he reacts over the top and alienated strangely to things going on around him that aren't bad at all, or just mundane.

[krokodilesideshow]

My friend introduced me to a song and the chorus reminded me a lot of DKC's villains (especially K. Rool, Tiki Tong and Fredrik)

Now the urge to make a hyper epic video with it is growing but i DO NOT have the ability to make what i have in mind

Cries

[alizardjae]

But since Alear is 50% half divine dragon, wouldn't they have some feature that looks more alike to Lumera"s dragon form ?

They're infused with Divine dragon essence, but I feel like that's different than being born (hatched?) half Divine dragon. Their human body mostly just changed color (and the divine-colored hair became more prone to bedhead, apparently), so I decided to preserve that in their dragon form. I guess I'm thinking of it kind of like getting a skin graft, organ transplant, or fluid transfusion; a life energy transfusion.

Plus, even though Veyle is half mage dragon, she's still listed as a "Fell Child," and it's not like Nel's dragon form changed to look more like Rafal's after 1000 years of being infused with his essence (even if they are both Fell dragons, we don't know if they're 100% Fell).

Also I like the snakey dragons.

I've been considering making "Great Fell" forms for Nel, Veyle, and Alear as well, using Sombron and Rafal's as guidelines, and might do a "Great Divine" version for Alear as well, which would actually incorporate more Divine dragon features.

[nerdnproud]

You ever start a new playthrough of an rpg to do different choices and romance different people, but then you get your original romance in the party and you remember why you picked them to begin with and it's a struggle not choosing them again?

[screenviolense]

　 　 ' oh, don't worry about me. this is my favorite time to keep watch. ' the sky was already starting to lighten up as the dawn slowly crept in, casting the sky in pinks and purples while the stars shone just as brightly as they did in the dead of night. ' have you watched the sun rise from here? it's unlike any other. '

@riwrite / starter call.

[randomnameless]

Something that doesn’t make sense to me is Brave Tiki acting like giving blood to humans somehow made wars worse in the multiverse in one of her quotes, when that’s never been a thing.

FEH's been eggtivated!

More seriously, without calling it a giant conspiration, it might be only her lamenting that dragon blood gives more power to people, and while some people use said power to do "good" things that "powerless" people cannot do, some persons use that same power to do "worse" than their powerless peers could ever dream of.

It's like the story behind the invention of dynamite!

It was never meant to be used as a weapon, but it happened.

That's why I love the Jugdral series btw, yes, Loptyr is a lizard and Forseti also has scales, but the continent wide war, abduction of children and slaughtering of villages are done by regular people with their regular weapons - so while giving a shiny sword to someone hellbent on killing people would result in more victims than if he had a spoon, the morale of the story isn't - in Jugdral at least - that the weapon/power is bad, it's all about how the carrier/wielder decides to use it.

[prettyvintagehouse]

[txttletale]

imagine if you like bought a house and the realtor that sold you the house came by and did maintenance every couple months and it was a pretty good arrangement until one day they stopped doing maintenance and things started breaking them and you called them up and they were like 'surprise! we've decided what this house is really missing is a pool so we're going to build a whole new house for you that has a pool we are so excited about this pool' and you were like 'is this a deflection from your sexual harassment lawsuit you're involved in' and they were like 'the pool is going to be so cool!' and hung up and you didn't hear from them for years and then they called you up again and were like 'good news! we've built the new house, why don't you move in' and you were like 'oh, the one with the pool?' and they were like 'wellll yeah but we haven't actually installed the pool yet but when we do it's going to totally transform how you live in your house so you can see the value' and you were like 'i don't know i think i'll stay in this one' and they were like 'hmm yeah sorry actually you can't we're blowing the old house up with dynamite' and you were like 'what? why?' and they were like 'so that you're not split between your old house and the new one' and you were like 'um, fine' and you drove over to the new house and there was no pool or space for a pool and the realtor showed up to gave you the keys and you were like 'this house looks identical to the old one, i don't really understand why you did this' and they were like 'aha! you see, the old house had six rooms, this one has five!' and you were like 'that sounds worse, though' and they were like 'no you see with only five rooms it will be much easier to do maintenance on the house' and you were like 'but you haven't done that for months' and they were like 'yeah that was the old house which we've just blown up with explosives this is the new house' and you were like 'so how's that sexual harassment lawsuit going' and they leaped acrobnatically into their car like a trapeze artist and zoomed away and you went into the house and saw a coin slot on the bathroom door and called them and you could hear the background noise of a courtroom and they said 'yeah so you have to pay five dollars every time you use the bathroom now, it's our new monetization plan' and you were like 'well this is bullshit i feel like this house is just straight up worse' and they were like 'noo listen the pool is going to be so cool it's going to be so good we promise there'll be a diving board and a tiki bar and those water jets that give young people sexual awakenings' and you were like 'well okay' and they were like 'we've been building this pool for four years trust us it's going to be good' and then you didn't hear from them for a long long time except occasionally when they showed up to do maintenance and if you asked about the pool they just winked meaningfully and asked if you wanted to pay a $15/month fee for a bathroom pass giving you unlimited flushes and toilet paper. and this went on for a year until one day you got a voicemail 'dear resident. we're not going to build the pool lol' and you called them back like 'well what the fuck did you demolish my old house for' and they were like 'we actually gave up on the whole pool like two years ago but we did a whole announcement and it would have felt sooo awkward to walk it back' and you were like 'what the fuck have i been paying five dollars to use the toilet for over these last two years!' and they were like 'listen buddy if you don't like it you can buy the bathroom pass' and then they hung up on you . anyway that's what happened with overwatch 2

[squidsystem]

fire emblem dragons are so cool and awesome when they actually interact with the implications of them and it's a shame that some of their character designs are just really bad which obscures the cool stories involved with them. Because fire emblem dragons are just people, they think like people, they grow like people, they act like people, but they live a mind bendingly long time. I love the child dragon characters because more often than not they're either unnerving with how much they've lived and how much they understand when they literally just look like 10 year old, and or they are too young to even comprehend the meaning of their quite literally thousands and thousands of years lifespans. The fact Tiki is still grappling with the traumatic experience of losing everyone she's ever loved 2000 years after losing them is just such big frown. Like imagine the existential horror of being an 11 year old weird girl but for centuries instead of a year. The old as fuck dragons are really cool too, I think the degeneration lore is really cool and I don't see concepts like it get explored enough, the idea that being so powerful that mortals consider you an unknowable is so unsustainable that they essentially lose their sanity and eventually their sapience is so fucked up. And they probably didn't even realise it was happening until entire ages had already passed. Imagine being a member of a species with a fatal flaw that no one could know about until it was far too late. The fact pretty much all dragons in Fire Emblem are the humanoid manaketes is literally because the ones that didn't are more or less extinct because they were too prideful to relinquish their power, and in some sense, their entire identity. More FE stories should examine the experience of their dragons. Are any manaketes dysphoric because they're forced to live in a body that doesn't reflect who they really are? Imagine the angst. I love fire emblem

[landitolover]

𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕, 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓, in which lando and his fiancée joke about having kids (cats), but they randomly just drop an actual pregnancy announcement! ౨ৎ lando x mexican!fiancée!reader

Liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, mclaren, oscarpiastri, and 109,122 others

yourusername que feo

tagged landonorris

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user get this girl a kid for christmas!

→ landonorris 😉😉

→ user bitch WHAT

→ user plot twist he gives her an actual kid instead 🤷‍♀️

→ user OH NAAH..😭

user QUE PRECIOSA

user are u guys still trying for a baby

→ yourusername yes i rlly want a kitten for Christmas landonorris

→ landonorris yeah and i want a hippopotamus for christmas

→ user okkk xmas king ‼️‼️

user i love u queen 🙏🏼 and your lil white boy 🫶🏼

Liked by the creator

user jump-scare warning for the 1st pic yn

→ yourusername LMFAOO

→ landonorris babe you’re supposed to defend me

→ yourusername lo siento 😞

carlossainz55 por fin, un caption que es la verdad 😂

→ yourusername yo solo digo la verdad 😇

→ landonorris stop shit talking me guys!!!!

→ carlossainz55 pobrecito 😪

→ yourusername no, you THREW ME IN THE SNOW

landonorris SOOO HERMOSA 🤩

landonorris i don’t regret the last slide.

→ yourusername i see how it is.. calling off the marriage rn

→ landonorris BABY I WAS KIDDING I FELT REALLY BAD

→ user smh i’m already a child of divorce 😞

lilymhe 😍😍 become a runaway bride for me

→ yourusername ofc baby

Liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, and 220,029 others

yourusername when he hangs out with the opposition… he’s cute though, I guess?

tagged landonorris

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user the opps 😒😒😷😷

user WHERES RHE CAT CAFE LOCATED QUEEN

→ yourusername tiki’s cat cafe in mexico city x

user my babygirl perfect angel pink princess bubblegum honey sweetheart sunshine shmuckums

→ landonorris that’s actually what i call her every morning

→ alex_albon good morning baby

user shes so gorgeous I just died dead

yourmom que preciosa mija ❤️❤️

→ yourusername te amo mami !!

landonorris DIOSA 😍😍😍

→ yourusername okkk mexican king 🤩🤩 !!

landonorris mi chula novia 👰‍♀️

→ yourusername 💕

maxfewtrell no

→ yourusername who r u

→ maxfewtrell fuck off

→ landnorris erm actually 🤓 don’t talk to my fiancée like that

Liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, and 1,290,192 others

landonorris we found a cat in our chair after we finished swimming, welcome to the family zanahoria 🥕 (this is her only Christmas present)

tagged yourusername

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user OMG 😊😊 THEY HAVE A KID!!

user she’s so pretty

user LANDO U ARE THE LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE.

→ landonorris i know 😌

user UGHHHH IM SOBBING

user real baby next xx

→ user NOO GET OUTT 😭😭

user katnapped ❓

lilymhe she looks absolutely beautiful! uhm- and you’re there..

yourusername MY ONLY PRESENT?? YOU KIDNAPPED THE CAT

→ landonorris it was stray

→ yourusername u right.. i still deserve christmas gifts

→ landonorris i’m broke

→ yourusername …….🌝

Liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, mclaren, lilymhe, and 228,929 others

yourusername life update: back in my hometown, lando brought the helmet he quite literally dnfed in (🌝🌝), and my mom won’t stop showing him my baby pics. p.s. flo, can you please send me lando’s baby pics so he can stfu xx

December 21st, 2023

tagged landonorris

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user tbf the helmet is rlly nice

→ user his rep era 😢 gone too soon

user WAAAHHHH

user best couple ever idc

user she was such a cute baby 🥹

→ user imagine their kids 😭😭

landonorris flo please don’t send her my baby pics

→ yourusername too late baby xx

landonorris wow u are so cool!!!! i am your biggest fan 🤩🤩

→ yourusername I’M (getting) MARRIED!!!!!!😡😡😡

→ landonorris he doesn’t have to know…😉😉

alex_albon u look disappointed in the first pic

→ yourusername i am

Liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, mclaren, lnfour, and 1,239,290 others

landonorris she isn’t dead!!

january 4th, 2024

tagged yourusername

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user YN 😭😭😭 its been a year daddy

user i missed them so bad

user dont talk to me im sobbing

user SHES ALIVE!! AND HEALTHY!!!

yourusername 😇😇❤️❤️

alex_albon is your cat studious

→ landonorris duh, just like his dad 😉

→ alex_albon didn’t u like… not go to high school?

→ landonorris i can still be studious, mate!!!!

Liked by landonorris, mclaren, carlossainz55, yourmom, and 1,091,100 others

yourusername and it’s all just too much for little lando norris… surprise!! i am pregnant ❓(have been for like 3 months now)

tagged landonorris

march 1st, 2024

View all 2,019 comments

user OH MY GOD. THEYRE HAVING A KID????

user i am hyperventilating shut up

user LMFAOO THE 2ND PIC

user what about us….. your og children ☹️☹️

→ yourusername don’t worry 💕 you guys are the og!!!

user whats it finna play.. WOAAAHHH

user im throwing up i. Jsut fell on the floor

landonorris te amo mucho mi vida ☀️🤍🫶🏼

→ yourusername i love you more 🫶🏼🧡

lilymhe CONGRATS BABY 🎉🎉

→ yourusername thank you 💙💙💙

carlossainz55 i guess he isn’t so little after all? 😂

→ yourusername LMFAO CARLOS 😭😭

oscarpiastri is he crying over your cravings? cause they’re horrendous

→ landonorris yeah i am, but anything for my girl

→ yourusername STOP 🥹🥹

→ oscarpiastri ew don’t get all corny on me

yourmom por fin!!!

Liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, lnfour, and 1,678,919 others

landonorris daddy norris 🔜

tagged yourusername

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user THE CAPTION? 💀

user i am so unbelievably happy for them

user mama y papa 💞💞💞

user who CHEERED

user omg she can’t have sushi until after the baby 😭😭

→ landonorris good.

user so i guess they were trying for an actual baby 😃

maxfewtrell mate get out with that caption

→ landonorris make me

→ maxfewtrell woah, you’re a soon-to-be-married man

→ landonorris 😐😐

yourusername 🔜

mclaren congratulations you two 🧡

→ landonorris thank you 🧡 (give me a life time contract??)

→ yourusername 🤍🤍

danielricciardo let me be the godfather (congrats mate 😁)

→ landonorris yourusername opinions?

→ yourusername uhmmmmmm

→ carlossainz55 let ME be the godfather

→ yourusername no güey

→ oscarpiastri pick me, choose me

→ yourusername 🐨🐨🐨

lnfour the soon to be better norris-l/n 💚

→ yourusername agreed

౨ৎ hi guyyysss 🤍🤍 sorry for not posting, i just didn’t have any motivation :,) but hopefully my motivation will come back though xx also i will prolly start writing part two of ‘say don’t go’ 🫶🏼

[jpitha]

The Oxygen Breathers: Sales Pitch

It wasn't until Late Summer Storm was being strapped into the small human ship that he realized that it was really really happening. Sure, he had seen the extremely small ships the humans had brought out to show off; a resurrection of a very old design, they said. And sure, he had noticed that one of them had two seats instead of one. They had said that one was for training or ride alongs, would he like to try it out? And sure, in a moment sans sanity, Late Summer Storm had agreed to the ride.

That as going to be it, right? They'd find some incompatibility, or there would be some political fallout and he wouldn't have to go. Face would be saved by all.

But no. The humans were so excited about the prospect they - to use one of their own strange idioms - 'moved heaven and earth' to make it happen.

First was political. Summer had hoped that Innari high command would balk at the idea of one of their own being wedged into a prototype human ship, but to his dismay, they were excited about the idea. They were so excited in fact that several members of the Isolators had paid him a visit and informed him in no uncertain terms that he was to be cooperative, polite, and above all, interested in what he was being shown. Interested enough to recall it, and write a report on the state of humanity's technology. His feathers fluttering nervously at a visit from the secret police, Summer agreed. He would report back on what he learned about their singleship, the one they called a fighter.

Next was logistical. Innari don't breath the same gas mixture as humans. It's not as dramatic a difference as say, the Von, who have much more methane hexafluoride in their breathing gas, but humanity's breathing mixture has frankly an irresponsible amount of oxygen in it. Oxygen narcosis occurs for Innari who breathe human concentrations and pressures of oxygen, and they die shortly after. The Innari medical community has published research papers stating that they are pretty sure that the humans suffer from oxygen narcosis too, they're just... used to it. 'Fortunately' for Summer, the human fighters had plumbing and fittings for hardsuits and supplemental breathing gas. Summer would wear a pressure suit and bring a atmosphere generator and his human pilot would do the same.

When the appointed day arrived, Summer stood in the too bright lights of the ship bay of the human Nullship Kon-Tiki. His pressure suit - a brand new one, printed up by the Innari navy, tailored and form fitted to his body - felt heavy and squeezed his feathers uncomfortably because of their higher gravity and atmo pressure.

Among the human workers bustling around without pressure suits - or really that much in the way of clothing either - someone walked in wearing a heavily armored pressure suit. Made of segmented pieces of reinforced coropolymer, they looked like they were headed to the front lines of a war, not a joyride.

"Late Summer Storm?" The voice said over his radio. He could speak their language, but he had his suit translate with subtitles in the bottom of his vision. It helped when they got going and spoke too quickly, or used some obscure idiom that needed translation. They translator also helped with body language. "I'm Captain Meghan Delrin, I'll be piloting today." They saluted sharply, and Summer noticed how maneuverable their suit was, even though it was quite heavily armored.

"Thank you, Captain. Please, call me Summer. My full name is unnecessary now." He said, turning to look at the fighter. "I am... interested in our upcoming flight."

"Are you now?" Captain Delrin laughed. Summer was surprised at the sound. He hadn't heard a human laugh before. The staccato pulses of sound were much different than the more musical Innari laughter. "You look like you're on your way to a funeral."

Summer's eyes flicked down to the translator for help with the phrase. She thinks you look despondent it said, helpfully. "Oh, please don't misunderstand Captain. I am grateful for the opportunity and I am excited to learn what your fighters can do, it's just..." He struggled for the word in their language. "Scary." That was probably closest.

To Summer's surprise Captain Delrin lifted her glass face covering, revealing her own face squeezed tightly in the foam of her helmet, surrounded by wires and blinking lights. He had no idea they were crammed into their suits so tightly! They moved so fluidly he had assumed their suits were much more loose fitting. "Summer, I want to make this crystal clear. We are doing everything within out power to make sure that this flight goes without incident and is even boring, but-" she raised a gauntleted finger "-we're scared too. If we weren't, we would run the risk of making mistakes. Scared is good. Scared means you're careful." The glass folded back down. "Come on, Summer, Let's get seated and belted."

The fighter was so small that there wasn't a door, per se. The clear canopy slid open and flipped up, revealing the two seats, side by side. Captain Delrin sat on the left, and Summer's seat was on the right. His seat was filled with pieces of closed cell foam, to fill in the gaps and hollow spots making up the differences between their bodyplans. Summer had spent a few hours in the fitting room with some very terse engineers sitting down and standing up, sitting down and standing up, until they were satisfied. As he sat, the seat was comfortable and he was belted in by more engineers. When they were finished, they looked at him for confirmation. He nodded and made the gesture he was taught - his outer manipulators and sensory feathers curled around into a fist, except for one pointing straight up. The human returned the gesture, saluted, and backed down the ladder.

As Captain Delrin was belted in, she had been pressing buttons and flipping switches. The fighter began to hum and throb as it came to life, motors rising in pitch and maneuvering jets puffing. Summer's sense of balance was thrown off for a moment, and then it recovered. "What was that?" he asked as Captain Delrin continued to start the fighter.

"Gyro" she said without stopping. "We can spin the ship for free with it. Good for tracking targets and maneuvering. Why? Did you feel it?"

Summer nodded, and then realizing she wouldn't be able to see the gesture said "Yes, I felt it. Is it magnetic?"

"It is suspended in a mag field, but the gyro itself is not, why?"

"We're sensitive to electromagnetism. It was how our ancient ancestors navigated our world."

"Huh. That makes sense I guess." She said, looking at him now. "Will it be an issue?"

"I don't know" Summer said. "But, I don't think it's enough of a reason to stop the ride."

"Fair enough."

Eventually they were warmed up and at power, and a small tug wheeled them to the launch tube. Captain Delrin explained that during a battle, the fighters could be launched every few minutes "But the ride is rough" she added.

Summer wondered what 'rough' was to a human when he heard the launching clamps grab the ship. Captain Delrin looked to an officer on the side, saluted, they returned the salute, and they launched.

Much later, Summer had to watch the video playback to see the launch. The fighter was shot out of the Nullship at a withering five gees. Captain Delrin grunted and took sharp breaths but was otherwise unharmed as Summer regained consciousness. "You made it Summer! Glad to have you with us once again." Delrin said, laughing. "We made it a light launch in deference to you. Normally we launch at twenty gee with the compensator set to ten."

"These fighters have a compensator and you didn't activate it?" Summer's whole body ached from the launch.

"What fun would that be? You have to feel some of the forces, it keeps you honest. Now then." Delrin flipped some switches and the color of her screens changed. "Let's see what we can see."

They spent the next solar hour flying around, showing Summer what the fighter was capable of. He had to admit, the maneuverability of the teeny ship was impressive. "But why?" he finally asked.

"Why what?"

"Why-" he gestured at the console "-all this. You have your Nullships, and they are more heavily armed than one of our Battlecruisers. They can travel farther, faster, and hit harder than anything in the Coalition. Why do you need fighters?"

Delrin reduced the throttle until they were practically coasting relative to the Nullship. "That's a good observation Summer. We have a few reasons. One, fighters will help us to engage multiple targets at once. The Coalition knows that our Nullships are powerful, so if they were ever to attack us, they would come at us en mass. A swarm of less powerful ships could overwhelm our targeting, and could do damage. Fighters could engage them, and divide their efforts."

Summer nodded to himself. His own government had decided that If anyone were to attack the humans, a swarm of a huge number of ships was just about the only way to have any chance of success.

"The second reason, is we're hoping to sell them." Delrin said matter-of-factly.

"You're what?" Summer stared dumbfounded. He couldn't have heard that correctly.

"We're going to offer them up for sale. The Coalition's defenses are woefully underdeveloped. Something like this is just what they need to help defend themselves.

"You'll give the other Coalition peoples weapons?"

"Not for free, but yes, why not?"

"It's just..." The Innari never shared technology. The idea of such a thing was too dangerous. Sell a weapon today, and tomorrow it could be turned back onto you. "What if the people who buy it use it against you?"

"That could happen, yes." Delrin said thoughtfully. "But history shows us it probably won't. Fighters aren't standalone things. They need parts, maintenance, upgrades, ships to haul them, printable matter, all kinds of ancillaries. If someone buys from us and then attacks..." She shrugged. "They'll find it very hard to keep their new fighters supplied and maintained. Also-" She looked out of the canopy into space. "It would be nice to have an opponent that was more our speed."

Summer was sure she was just playing a trick on him now. "Ha ha, sure thing Captain Delrin. You're telling me that you want to fight?"

"No Summer, we want to fight a good opponent. Someone who thinks on their feet, has close to our level of training and technology, someone who makes it worth while. Do you remember when you came to us and asked for our help? How we brought our ships out of Nullspace and defeated the Felimen almost instantly? It was boring."

"Boring?!"

"Boring. I was on one of the Nullships, Summer. It was practically a drill. People didn't even run. Didn't have to. We slipped out of Null, shot up a few Felimen cruisers, did a little light planetary bombardment, and slipped back into Null."

Summer was stunned into silence. The Felimen were a fierce enemy that had driven all of the Coalition people back for more than a year, winning battle after battle, claiming more and more space until the humans traded entry into the Coalition for defeating the Felimen.

It took the humans one solar day.

"If we sell some fighters to some of the Coalition who knows? Maybe in a few decades or centuries we'll finally get a good battle. Something really worth going all our for." Delrin said, wistfully. She really sounded like she wanted all out war.

Delrin took them through some more high gee manuvers - with the compensator turned on this time - and demonstrated the weapons; two missile racks, two slug throwers, one exawatt laser and enough printable matter to keep them in consumables for an impressive amount of time. She had fired at some drone targets that the Nullship had launched, and even let Summer have a go at the weapons suite. She ordered a new wave sent out and Summer took over. It was intuitive, and easy to use, and frighteningly effective. As the last drone evaporated in an orange puff of exploding missile Summer looked down at his hands. He had - without any official training - destroyed more targets quicker than any Innari ship he could think of, and this was just a single human fighter!

The demonstration over, Captain Delrin took them back in. The landing was more gentle than the launch, but only just. As they rolled to a stop, the canopy popped open and Delrin's face mask opened again.

"So! How many fighters can we put you down for?"

[princessmaybank]

Imagine JJ getting reader a dildo shaped exactly like his dick and she sends him a video of her using it while on vacation and he's like "answer the fucking phone" and he's watching her on facetime while she falls apart from the dildo(he's obviously stroking himself while watching)

I'm happy I finally got to this one baby! It's such a fun ask I love your brain! Thank you baby, I hope you enjoy! 😘

Secrets On Vacation

Pairings: Boyf!JJ x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+, Clone Dildo, Little White Lie, Masturbation, Real Porn Links, Phone Sex, etc.

Summary: JJ got you a gift and you get to use it on vacation!

Author's Note: Posted a little early but I hope you all enjoy!

"For when I'm not around baby." JJ gives me a smirk before winking as he hands me a long blue box with a little white ribbon holding it together. I gave him a smile and untied the bow before grabbing the lid of the box and removing it.

I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting but it wasn't an exact replica of my boyfriends cock made of silicone. A blush rose to my cheeks as I hid the present from anyone who could be around even though we were in my room, with no one else around.

*3 Months Later*

Sarah, Kie, Cleo, and I decided we needed a girls trip to clear our heads and relax a bit. We drove all the way to Florida to get away for a while. I texted with JJ pretty much the entire ride. He insisted on teasing me the whole time, getting me worked up knowing he's not here to help me fix it. When we finally made it to our hotel I was eager to check in and at least get unpacked. Unfortunately I didn't get any alone time due to the fact that we were all okay with sharing one room and two beds. We stayed in the room for a while until we eventually decided to go shopping. Before the day was over we walked the beach and got some frozen yogurt. As I was eating I got a new notification from JJ.

JJ: Gonna be a good girl and use that present from daddy tonight?

Y/N: I forgot to bring it daddy I'm sorry...

JJ: Check that secret zipper in your suitcase 😉

"We should grab some dinner at that Tiki themed bar!" Sarah pretty much yelled. The other two girls agreed. Before I could even think, I told them I wasn't feeling well and I was going back to the room. They tried to stay with me but I encouraged them to have a fun time without me. "Are you sure girl? We can take care of you.." Kie said caringly. I shook my head. "I just need to rest alone, peace n quiet ya know?" I made a face to try and convince them I wasn't feeling great, and it must've worked because they finally let me leave.

When I got back to the hotel room, I immediately rushed to my luggage and opened my secret zipper that I never use because what do I have to hide? Apparently an 8 and a 1/2 inch dildo perfectly ribbed like my boyfriends dick.

I didn't waste any more time. I slipped my shorts and panties off and hopped onto my side of one of the beds. I spit on my fingers and rubbed the saliva around and inside my entrance. Suddenly I thought about JJ, he has been teasing me all day, certainly I can send him a video of what he's missing. I smirk before pulling out my phone and hitting record as I thrust the dildo inside of me.

Y/N: Thinking about you 😘

Attachment 1 Sent

Attachment 2 Sent

I ended up sending him two videos and I received a response almost immediately after I sent them.

JJ: Call me.

I was too busy playing with myself I didn't notice his first message. My phone started ringing and before I could answer it, it stopped.

JJ: Answer the fucking phone princess.

I received another call shortly after that text was sent. I was hesitant but I did answer the FaceTime. "Playing hard to get baby?" He smirks, looking more irritated than turned on. "No sir. I was playing, I'm sorry." I apologized and he seemed to understand. "Are you still playing with yourself sweet girl?" He bit his lip and looked me up and down the best he could. I nod as I continue to slowly thrust the dildo into my drenched hole. "Mmm feels just like you-" I whimpered and closed my eyes.

"Yeah baby? let me see my pussy.." The way he said it was silky and gritty at the same time, I could've busted right there. I lowered my camera to show him my hand pushing the cock in and out. "Oh, you're so wet babygirl. Is that all from me?" He teased. "Who else Jay?" I giggled. I heard him grunt and that's when I knew he was touching himself too.

"Oh shit-" I sped up my pace and moans spilled from my lips. "Please show me Jay- gotta see you.." I say between moans and he complies. His cock was rock hard and glistening from pre-cum and spit. JJ's hand was fisting his cock at the same pace as my hand, making it feel like we were almost together. "Mmm shit baby, so fuckin' perfect. So beautiful, look at that beautiful, wet, cunt. And it's all f-fuckin' mine. Shit-oh.." He gasped, he was close, I knew it, but so was I.

"Fuck- please daddy- ne-need you.." I whined. "I kn-ow baby, so close, c'mon cum f'me pretty girl.." He hissed my name as he came in his hand. About two seconds later I squeaked his name out along with some profanities as I came all over his cock, well you know what I mean. We both giggled and stared at each other through the phone. "That was perfect, thank you babygirl, can't wait to give you the real thing when you get home in a few days. Rest up, I'll talk to you in the morning." We said our goodbyes and hung up.

I had to take a few minutes to catch my breath before cleaning up. I even had enough time to shower before the girls got home. They brought me some food and I ate while they told me everything I missed. Even after hearing everything I would have encountered with them, I would absolutely choose my night with JJ on the phone, every time.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

This building is listed as a single family residence and I think that it could be fun for the right family or group of friends. The 1910 building is in Childress, TX and has 4bds, 4ba. But, the "home" is 18,160 sq. ft. of space and only $530K.

It looks like it could've been some sort of a venue, which would be an income producing live/work situation. When you walk in, it has surfaces covered by architectural salvage tin ceilings, in a reception area, I think.

Steel girders hold up a silvery ceiling and there appears to be a dance floor with lovely faux Wisteria hanging down from a pergola.

Then there's a grass shack with storm windows. Isn't that interesting?

I like this wall made of old doors. You can rent it out as a fun venue, but it would make the coolest living space.

Look at the recycled wood and corrugated metal walls.

I don't know what you would do with this bonus space. It has beautiful stick walls and would make a good workshop. Maybe even a studio.

The 2nd floor is just as large as the 1st, but it's empty so it looks more vast. It would make a great loft apt. It has a silvery Victorian ceiling.

Oh, look, they left a fun sign in the bathroom. There's a urinal, too.

We're going up again, and I'm hoping the residence is up there.

Oh, very nice. If those are the doors to the residence, look at all the free space out here.

If you ever wanted a really big kitchen, this is it. Look at the cabinetry and built-ins.

There's a nice desk here.

Now, here's a sitting area by folding barn doors.

Look at that, the office is like a little building and has privacy.

This is nice- the floor is done and there's some beautiful exposed brick.

Huge living area.

This is nice. I would put a big bar in here.

Beautiful bedroom.

With an en-suite. Pretty nice. I like the wood-look tile floor.

Very nice bedroom has an elevated sleeping area and beautiful floors.

Large shower room en-suite. Not lovin' the diarrhea brown, though. I would repaint.

And, this is a cool bedroom and bath.

Plenty of room for games.

And, check this out- there's a tiki bar on the roof.

Doesn't it look like the beach?

It's reasonably priced for such a huge building. If you had lots more money, it has potential. I would definitely make the 2nd fl. a loft apt. , too.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/300-Commerce-St-Childress-TX-79201/87228863_zpid/