#The Sound of my 1991

[zoeloveconvers99]

This is out of fun and personal ideas and i watched more versions but I was tired to find them all

[jarofalicesgrunge]

Alice in Chains ☀️

[murdleandmarot]

Hey guys, Memory is, like, a really good song

[philiponmycracker]

The incredibly talented and gorgeous Tom Hulce as Ivan Sanchin, from The Inner Circle (dir. Andrei Konchalovsky, 1991)

[ennaih]

Sometimes They Come Back (1991)

[finns-tword-blog]

Hey Finn! I hope you're doing/getting better

I just wanted to swing by and remind you that I adore your content and every time you post I get so excited that I start stimming. Your artwork is lovely, you take your time putting it out there, it's 100% worth the wait

Also it 100% inspires me to work on my own stuff when I see you post. You keep doing you, you're doing an amazing job!

thank you dearly, porter! it makes me so unbelievably happy to see i inspire you as you inspire me!

[cherryblossomshadow]

Also! Don't underestimate the value of doing something WITH the person. Whether that means, them watching you, or you watching them, or whatever. Literally, that entire watermelon convo could have been five seconds long if they had a watermelon on hand

I know it's a metaphor. But sometimes it isn't

Show, Don't Tell

Imagine if you met someone who can't eat watermelon. Not that they're allergic or unable somehow, but they just haven't figured out how to do that. So you're like "what the hell do you mean? it works just like eating anything else, you open your mouth, sink your teeth in, take a bite and chew. If you can bite, chew and swallow, you should be able to eat a watermelon."

And they agree that yes, they do know how to eat, in theory. The problem is the watermelon. Surely, if they figured out where to start, they'd figure out how to do it, but they have no clue how to get started with it.

This goes back and forth. No, it's not an emotional issue, they're not afraid of the watermelon. They can eat any other fruit, other sweet things, and other watery things ("it's watery?" they ask you). Is it the colour? Do they have a problem eating things that are green on the outside and red on the inside?

"It's red on the inside?"

Wait, they've never seen the inside? At this point you have to ask them how, exactly, they eat the watermelon. So to demonstrate, they take a whole, round, uncut watermelon, and try to bite straight into it. Even if they could bite through the crust, there's no way to get human jaws around it.

"Oh, you're supposed to cut it first. You cut the crust open and only chew through the insides."

And they had no idea. All their life this person has had no idea how to eat a watermelon, despite of being told again and again and again that it's easy, it's ridiculous to struggle with something so simple, there's no way that someone just can't eat a watermelon, how can you even mange to be bad at something as fucking simple as eating watermelon.

If someone can't do something after being repeatedly told to "just do it", there might be some key component missing that one side has no idea about, and the other side assumed was so obvious it goes without mention.

[thawthebeez]

listening to ethel cain's perverts album and reading about abortion in the US in the 19th century... this is exactly where i'm supposed to be

[ranger-kellyn]

it really just continues to absolutely fucking disgust me how usa server minimum wage is still only $2.13 an hour....and it hasn't risen since 1991................

[waffled0g]

Everyone gets “The 90s” look wrong and I hate it

Couple years ago I saw these two board games at the store back to back. Well, not saw them per se, but ya know. Spied them out of the corner of my eye. And for a moment without reading the text, I couldn’t tell you which was which decade at first. Funny. Either they were in a rush to get these out the door or they wanted their throwback trivia game boxes to look uniform. I didn’t think too much of it.

Only, from then on I started seeing it MORE. Every time someone markets a 90s or 80s throwback...

Goddammit they’re identical! What??! How did we let this happen? As a 90s survivor and a designer, this drives me up a wall.

Look, I know I’m late to the party to complain about “the 90s look” when we’re just starting to get sick of the Y2K nostalgia train. But c’mon, the 90s were not The 80s: Part Two™ 

Trust me when I say that we weren’t all wearing neon trapezoids up until the year 2000. The 90s look being peddled is so specific to the tail end of the 80s and an early early part of the 90s - a part of the 90s when it wouldn’t stop being the 80s. This is Memphis design being conflated with the wrong decade.

Keep reading for a long ass graphic design history lesson and pictures of old soda and fast food.

Specifically, the look is Memphis Milano, self-named by the Italian design house Memphis Group. Starting in the early to mid 80s, they made all sorts of furniture, fabrics and sculptures that were like a Piet Mondrian grid painting under heavy radiation. Their whole deal was defying the standards of existing industrial design up to that point on purpose. Chairs had weird arches, bookcases would be in strange alien colors, unusual materials like plastic or elastic were used in place of metal or wood, that sorta thing.

Memphis quickly became the signature look for the decade. You can tell something’s influenced by Memphis design from it’s telltale trademarks:

Clashing, neon colors.

Use of diametric shapes.

Contrasting patterns like zebra print stripes, confetti squiggles and checkerboards.

It wasn’t long before Memphis Milano-inspired design was everywhere in 80s pop culture:

It was a special time, yes.

I was a kindergartener at the tail end of the 80s, so I knew Memphis mostly through the lens of kids media. Toys, clothes, games, tv shows used it like candy colored catnip. Cable channel Nickelodeon more or less adopted the Memphis aesthetic as their signature in-house style and practically built a monument to it at a Florida theme park:

I think this is why folks mistake what decade Memphis is representative of - 90s staples like Nick, Saved By The Bell, Fresh Prince - they all stayed around much longer than the design trend’s expiration date. 

Couple that notion with the fact that companies are slow followers to design trends. Something gets popular and they want to get on the bandwagon? Gotta wait for the ink to dry, gotta wait for the production molds to be made. It would take a few years for them to completely work Memphis outta their system.

Now, this is not to say Memphis is bad! Personally I’m a fan of the aesthetic, if my neon-drenched artwork wasn’t a tip-off already. But it is a trend, and trends never last forever.

So what took the Memphis Milano look down for good? This part’s up for debate, but I personally think it had something to do with this dude:

It’s that grunge music from Seattle that’s so popular with the kids these days dontchaknow.

Once Smells Like Teen Spirit hit in 1991, the Nirvana tone drove the rest of the decade. Clean geometry became weathered, grainy and organic. Bright neon pastels became more bold. Bubblegum pop music sounded fake and manufactured. Attitude and apathy was authentic. Whatever.

Things got grungy. Things got grimy. Olestra was invented.

I think the best way to visualize this transition is how Cherry Coke entered the decade and how it left it:

1992 Memphis on the left, 1998 grunge junkie on the right. Fitting that the 90s would end with a design that looked like Darth Maul’s lungs.

Okay, so what should 90s retro design look like?

Continue on to PART TWO! Spoilers: No VHS filters or vaporwave needed, but maybe bring an antacid.

[doomed-romances]

MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO (1991)

"It’s night in the desert. Mike (River Phoenix), a teenage hustler given to bouts of narcolepsy, and Scott (Keanu Reeves), a slumming preppy prince, are huddled over a campfire. “I just want to kiss you, man,” says Mike softly. The words and the barely audible sound of his voice, caught between hope and despair, speak to anyone ever ripped apart by unrequited love. For all its flannel and Gore-Tex, the scene is a startlingly naked expression of lovelorn longing. Credit both Gus Van Sant, the director, and Phoenix, his perfect actor, with the heartbreak that floods My Own Private Idaho." — Criterion.com

[neil-gaiman]

Hello!!

First of all, THANK YOU!!! The world has been feeling harder and more hopeless to me in recent years, and individuals like yourself help more than I will ever be able to express to bring light and hope back into my world. Loving and obsessing over gems like Good Omens, and American Gods (the novel at least, I must admit I never saw the show 🙈) have always given me motivation, sparked my creativity, and made me feel so much love for this, often unfortunately cruel, world. I can't express the solace it brings to me when the creators of the things I love are thoughtful and decent human beings. So, again, THANK YOU 🫀🫀🫀

I just finished my second viewing of Season 2 and have a question for you (my apologies if it has already been asked and/or answered and I missed it)!! 

How did you select the song "Everyday" by Buddy Holly? It is absolutely perfect on so many different levels, and for so many different threads and characters, all while still encompassing the perfect feelings of this show. I always include playlists with the stories I write, and often agonize over which song is the best choice for certain moments. You had to pick one song to encompass the entirety of it, and it truly blew me away! 

Thank you this Season and for everything you do; it really does mean the world to so many of us 🫀🫀🫀

In February of 1991 (I think) Terry Pratchett and I were staying in the Chateau Marmont hotel in LA. These days it is a very fancy hotel but back then it was pretty manky and run down. We were being put up by a film company and each morning we would fax over an outline for a new version of Good Omens the Movie and each afternoon we'd go to the studio for a meeting and we would realise that nobody had actually read what we had sent over that morning. Then we would go back to the hotel and work on trying to incorporate the studio notes on the outline they hadn't actually read into what we were doing.

We worked up in Terry's room because it had heating, and it was incredibly cold in LA that February, especially cold because I was in a chalet out in the grounds and there weren't heaters or extra blankets or anything in the chalet.

And at some point in there we were talking about music, and I suggested a few scary and ominous songs that might work to signal the end times. And Terry said "What about Buddy Holly's song Everyday? It sounds so upbeat and cheerful. But what if it was about the end of the world?" And I got all excited at the idea of Everyday being the Good Omens theme song.

So it's really just there to make Terry happy.

[hyperfixatinator]

Where is the line?

In the comics, Tim Drake's moral code is an enigma to me, particularly his stance on the Batclan's no-kill rule. For all the fans who say he's always one step away from full blown villainy, there are even more saying he's a strict goody two-shoes who could never stoop that low.

Then there's the different takes on where Tim draws the line between these two extremes. Personally, I find that line hard to pinpoint. Digging for canon demonstrations of his morals has lead me to more questions than answers. My biggest question right now is:

What counts as breaking the no-kill rule in Tim's eyes?

Luckily, the Robins 2021 comics shed some light on this. In issue #3, "Tim", or rather an imposter of him, said that choosing not to save someone isn't the same as killing them, and that letting a villain die can be a way to get justice. Normally, this point would be moot since it's not Tim himself who said it. However, at the end of issue #6, the real Tim clarified that what the imposter said WAS his real opinion on the matter.

Not only that, but Tim has shown this belief through his thoughts and actions before. Twice.

The first time goes all the way back to Robin 1991 #5. During the fight against King Snake, Tim kicked him through a nearby window, fifty stories above the ground. As King Snake's life hung in the balance, Shiva appeared and commanded Tim to kill him.

Tim refused. He walked away, leaving King Snake entirely at Shiva's mercy.

What gets me is that Tim made no move to save King Snake from falling. And he made no effort to stop Shiva from committing the murder, either. His only thought as he heard the man's scream was "Fifty stories is a long way to fall."

The second time was in Red Robin 2009 #26. Tim orchestrated a whole plan to manipulate Captain Boomerang into getting killed by Mr. Freeze. The whole time, Tim blamed Captain Boomerang for making all those bad choices, despite Tim being the one raising the chances of them being made. Tim believed he was innocent because he wasn't directly participating.

Tim then stopped that plan, but not for any noble reason. He decided that he couldn't let anyone else kill Captain Boomerang but himself.

Tim couldn't bring himself to do that, either. So he had to spare his father's killer in the end.

This seems pretty cut and dry so far, right? Tim believing that letting villains die is alright as long he doesn't do the deed himself? I'd think so too, if there weren't other moments contradicting this.

In Robin #35, Steph insisted on leaving an enemy who got buried under the snow to die. Tim chastised her for it.

Neither of them were responsible for the snow, or for the enemy getting trapped in it. Plus, that guy tried to kill them with a chainsaw moments prior, so he's not exactly an innocent damsel in distress.

Maybe it was because this enemy wasn't a big enough fish to fry. We didn't really get confirmation that this guy has actually killed before, and he's around goon status at best.

But then in Robin #46, Tim chose to save another enemy who got himself into a deadly situation. That enemy was a murderer known as Young El. This time, Tim wasn't telling anyone else why they should save a murderer's life out loud. These were his private thoughts.

Notice how Tim's inner monologue sounded kind of on-the-fence. He contemplated justice finally catching up with Young El as the floorboards gave way, bringing a support beam down on him in the process.

However, Tim immediately switched gears to rescue Young El from under that beam before the water rose too high.

But Tim, as he told Young El the reasons he's saving him, asked himself "Do I even believe what I'm saying?" He could be asking this about two different things he said here. A) "Maybe it's not too late for you to learn something, Young El.", or B) "Death's easier for you when it's the other guy. Death's never been easy for me."

For Tim to doubt his belief in either of these statements is very interesting. He could be questioning if Young El is already too far gone for redemption, or he could be questioning if seeing someone die has never been easy for himself. For all we know, it could be both.

Unfortunately, Tim never got to see if his choice to save him would pay off. Tim wasn't strong enough to lift that beam, and Young El drowned.

There's a question on my mind as I read these pages. What makes this murderer's death different from when Tim let King Snake fall to his "death"? Sure, King Snake didn't actually die, but Tim didn't know that until later when the man came looking for revenge in Gotham.

Tim was once able to simply walk away from what he was certain would be a killer's demise. But then he's consumed by guilt over not being able to prevent a different killer's death down the line, to the point of hallucinating.

On top of that, what changed Tim's mind later? Red Robin #26 and Robins 2021 #3-6 still happened in the future. The only significant difference I can tell is that these two comics involved the killer's of Tim's parents, making it personal. But if the Imposter from Robins 2021 got his beliefs from his profile before his mother's killer got involved, then does that still hold up?

Maybe we should put a pin on it for now. There are other things Tim's done that brings the details of his no-kill rule into question.

Such as that one time Tim actually killed someone with his bare hands.

In Robin issues #51-52, Tim accidentally killed Lady Shiva while drugged on amarilla, a plant that enhances the user's speed beyond human limitations.

It may be argued if the amarilla altered Tim's mind enough to excuse him of fault or not. However, I want to focus on what happened after Shiva was revived. Here's another question to go with the first one:

Does Tim believe the kill still counts if the victim was revived afterwards?

From what I've gathered, yes and no. It's kind of complicated.

After Tim killed Shiva, he was understandably distressed about it, about how he can never take it back.

But after Shiva came back to life? Nothing. He didn't dwell on the fact he broke the vow to never kill. For something that devastating to happen in his life, it's odd that Tim didn't bring it up ever again, privately or otherwise. Especially considering what happened later in Robin #123, when Tim thought he killed Johnny Warlock.

Tim was utterly inconsolable. He lost all faith in his abilities as Robin, and in himself as a whole. It also contributed to his decision to quit being Robin after his dad found out. In general, he seriously dwelled on that "kill" for a much longer time than he had after killing Shiva. The difference being that he knew Shiva was resuscitated immediately afterwards, while Tim didn't know Johnny survived until issue #141.

But there's the fact that Shiva really did die. Her heart and breathing both stopped. So are we to believe Tim moved on from that so easily because she's alive now? What happened to never getting that back?

Come to think of it, not long after Tim killed and revived Shiva, there was someone else who landed in that same boat. Dick.

In Joker: The Last Laugh #6, Dick brutally attacked the Joker after believing he killed Tim. Dick ended up accidentally killing Joker instead, before the clown was resuscitated.

Here's the thing. While Tim was trying to comfort Dick, saying that it's ok because Joker's alive now, Dick didn't believe so. He was still distraught that he killed someone. The fact Joker came back to life afterwards didn't matter to him. To Dick, it still counted. So what does that say about Tim?

Before we move on, there's another person Tim knows who also died and came back from the grave. Jason.

Tim openly acknowledged Jason was killed before coming back, too. Multiple times. For example, when they met up in Red Hood and the Outlaws 2011 #8.

Tim hadn't shown any signs that he thinks Jason's murder doesn't count anywhere, except for maybe once.

In Knight Terrors: Robin #2, Tim and Jason had a heart-to-heart, and Tim said something strange.

"You survived."

Except Jason didn't survive. He died. To say Jason survived that night would've meant he never died to begin with. Him being alive now doesn't change that. Was this Tim telling a white lie to make Jason feel better? Or does Tim see being revived after death as "surviving"?

Ok, now we can move onto the next question. Or rather, bear with me as we go back to the first question. It's a broad topic with plenty more to talk about.

What does Tim count as breaking the no-kill rule?

We already asked how Tim feels about bringing villains back from the dead after killing them. And we asked how Tim feels about leaving a villain to die without getting directly involved. However, we still don't know how much involvement Tim needs to have in an enemy's death before he'll take responsibility for it.

We can confirm he won't mercy kill in Red Robin #21, even if it means giving someone a fate worse than death. No exceptions.

Tim also doesn't allow anyone he's actively teaming up with to kill, especially if he's the one in command. He's been amicable with known killers before (Huntress and Pru, for example), but only when they remain non-lethal while working alongside him.

Apart from that, though, it becomes less clear. However, I think this is a good place to expand on when Tim blew up a lot of League of Assassins bases in Red Robin #8.

I'm not going into whether or not those explosions actually killed anyone. I've seen evidence supporting both sides of this debate, so I'm just going to say it's up to interpretation. What I AM talking about is whether or not Tim would've felt responsible if they had killed someone.

Before overloading every generator in the LOA database, Tim gave a warning to the Wanderer. He told her that he couldn't be held responsible for what would happen to her if she didn't leave.

After initiating the explosions, Tim warned the White Ghost that they had fifteen seconds to leave before it was too late.

Fifteen seconds. That explanation on the mistake of letting him in might've taken roughly another fifteen to twenty seconds. Did the other bases even get a full minute head start? The way some of the people were already running away could imply they at least got a warning, but it's possible they might not have.

Even if everyone in every base received a warning, would that be enough for Tim to avoid holding himself accountable if they didn't make it out in time? Tim's the one who rigged the bases to explode, but I guess giving someone a warning means it's now their fault for not heeding it?

We can't be sure he even considered the possibility of those explosions killing anyone. Tim knew they were dangerous enough to bring the whole Cradle down, and the other ones we saw looked pretty powerful (except the ones in Ra's hideout). But Tim also called Ra's a murderer right after that happened, which would've been very hypocritical if Tim himself thought he committed murder.

So, my guess is either A) Tim relied on sheer luck for those explosions not causing any casualties and chose to believe they hadn't, or B) Tim didn't believe the deaths of anyone caught in them would be his fault.

Again, this isn't about whether or not blowing up the LOA bases killed anyone. It's about how willing Tim was to take that risk, and if he would've blamed himself for anyone getting killed from it.

Either way, it's canon that Tim had no guilt for the explosions he caused, or for anything he did before Red Robin #22. Just ask the Sword of Sin.

This is an exerpt I got from the Fandom DC Database on the Sword of Sin:

"The Sword of Sin can be ignited with the mind of the wielder, if the person is powerful enough. The sword has the ability to conjure in the mind its victims all of the sins for which they are guilty or have not atoned for."

When Tim was stabbed with this sword, he was immune. The Sword of Sin decided he was innocent. Although, I have to ask how reliable this sword was in making that judgement. If the sword is judging others based on its own set principles, then something's not right here.

The Sword of Sin was also used on Dick, and he wasn't immune. It dug into Dicks subconscious and unearthed memories he'd long since repressed. Memories of himself watching a boy get beaten to near death, and then doing nothing. He just walked away.

Now, tell me why the sword brought this to light, but not the time Tim left King Snake to die!

It wasn't an accident. Tim deliberately chose to leave instead of trying to save this man from the murderous Lady Shiva. Sure, Tim was no match for Shiva and he might've not been able to stop her, but the same could be said for an eight year old Dick not stopping a group of much older kids. Neither of them tried to stop the attackers.

Tim didn't atone for it, either. When King Snake returned in Batman #469, Bruce told King Snake that it wasn't Tim who left him to die. We know that's a lie, but Tim never corrected this. He let Shiva take all the blame.

We have two instances of a boy choosing not to prevent someone from having a near death experience. One guilty, and one innocent.

Did the Sword of Sin think Tim was justified because King Snake was corrupt? That doesn't sound holy to me.

Was it because Tim didn't feel any guilt over it, while Dick did? Can the sword's judgement be thrown off by the victim not feeling any shred of guilt over their actions, even subconsciously?

That could make sense given what we know Tim did in the past: King Snake falling, the vandalism (explosions), and ALL the lying over the years (Tim reviving Shiva might count as atonement, so I'm not including that). If the sword based its judgement on God's will alone, then odds are high it would've picked up on one of these.

Even so, I'm not going to sit here and say this is definitely the case. I'm not familiar enough with how the sword effects other characters to make that call.

If this is indeed false, then did the DC universe's version of God decide to pardon Tim of his sins when he prayed earlier that same issue, despite him not believing he had any? I mean, who knows, right?

You can probably see why there's more questions than answers. The point is Tim didn't have any guilt for the things he did before Red Robin #22. Tim was canonically convinced he had nothing to atone for.

So then why did he say the opposite later in Knight Terrors: Robin #2?!

In the heart-to-heart between Tim and Jason, Tim tells him this:

"You have a lot to atone for...We all do..."

Tim knows that the words "we all" include him, right? By saying this, Tim admitted to also having things he needs to atone for, right?

Is this another white lie to make Jason feel better? Is it one of those slight changes the New 52 made to the canon? If not, then why did he change his mind? Did his no-kill rule change and make him feel guilty for some past actions? Is it not the no-kill rule, but something else?

What changed?!

Where does Tim draw the line?

I don't know. We've narrowed it down to a general area, but it's kinda hard to see a line when it's so blurred it could be a gradient.

Tim baffles me. He acts as a steady moral compass for others when he can't even seem to stay consistent with his own. You're free to call it poor writing (and honestly, fair), but I find his hypocrisy fascinating.

That's what it is, isn't it? Tim's a hypocrite who's completely oblivious to being one. And it's not like this was never mentioned in the comics before. Damian called him out on it!

In Batman & Robin 2011 #10, Damian confronted Tim about his near-murderous reaction when Fist Point killed Artemis (Teen Titans Vol 4 annual #1). Damian then accused Tim of constantly rejecting him because they have more in common than Tim's willing to admit.

It's debatable how accurate that accusation was, but Tim had a pretty volatile reaction to it.

"I believe in every choice I make!"

Does he? I don't think someone who's so sure of what he believes in would contradict himself to this extent. Especially if he wasn't doing it on purpose.

He wouldn't vehemently push Bruce's no-kill rule onto others and berate them for bending that rule, only to go and bend that same rule himself when the Batclan isn't around. He also wouldn't exploit what he thinks are loopholes, decide later that those loopholes broke the no-kill rule, and then earnestly claim he never broke it.

Why is he like this?! He's had arguably the most normal childhood out of the whole Batclan before becoming Robin! What could've made him so fickle about this?!

Where does he draw the line? And how will he know when he's crossed it?

[rainkays]

CRUSH | LEE HARKER x READER 𖥔 ࣪

(SUMMARY) in the summer of 1991, you are assigned a missing persons case in northern washington with special agent lee harker. lee had garnered the reputation of being an exceptional agent in the field, but no one truly knew anything about her, and you wanted to change that.

(WARNINGS) mentions of drugs/smoking, alcohol. weapons, kidnapping, blood/violence.

(NOTES) this is going to be ooc and will not follow the plot of longlegs but i’m going to try and write lee as accurate as possible to her canon characterization in the film !! (reader is fem as this will be a wlw series !i this ended up being a lot longer than anticipated but i hope u guys enjoy this, and there will definitely more of lee to come very soon <3

CAN YOU READ MY MIND?

I’VE BEEN WATCHING YOU…

JUNE 21st, 1991.

the halls of quantico were bustling with bodies and chatter of partner assignments as the fresh group of agents filtered into the meeting room. the wooden walls and orange carpeting did nothing to hide the fact that funding at the bureau had been tight these past few years, and the bright eyed recruits had no idea what they were walking into. you’d been your entrance years at the academy working bottom of the barrel assignments, ones that allowed you a glimpse at lee whenever provided. it wasn’t hard to notice her if you knew where to look. it the low hum of the radio was the only sound that filled the car, lee’s hands draped over the wheel as she drove the two of you down the long, vacant stretch of country road. it was hours of nearly empty road and faded farmhouses until you finally reached the town. the sun had began to set, the streets quiet as lee pulled into the parking lot of one of the few motels in the town. the orange lights of the sign reflected on the windshield of the car as lee pulled your suitcases from the trunk, tossing you the keys.

“thanks.”

you spoke, head nodding to lee as you slung your bag over your shoulder, the girl humming a quiet response as the two of you neared the front desk office. lee pushed the door open, a quiet bell jingling to alert the woman at the desk of your presences. you were sure it was a quiet business, not many coming in or out of the town, especially in the wake of the recent disappearance. much to your surprise, lee spoke up as you leaned on your elbow against the counter.

“we have a reservation under harker.”

the woman hummed, keys clicking on the computer as she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

“mm, yes, right here. single queen for the next week?”

you nearly laughed at the words out of her mouth, lee’s face paling as she raked a hand through her hair, sputtering her words out. this is what you got for allowing the bureau to make your arrangements. lee took the keys from the woman, turning on her heel to hold the door open for you as you followed behind. lucky for lee, there was a couch in your room that she’d immediately settled herself on as you closed the door behind you.

“lee, you should take the bed i can-”

your bag slid against the nightstand, toying with the rings on your fingers as lee spoke before you could finish your sentence.

“no, i’d rather you take it, i’ll be fine.”

you took a seat at the edge of the bed, kicking off your boots as you looked over at lee. it was rare to see her like this, jacket shrugged off, hair down as she rested against the arm of the couch. you wondered if she was dreading this next week. having to spend most of her days confined to this room, with you. you wondered how she felt about you. if she’d rather be working with another agent. you pushed down the thought as you laid back against the mattress. you knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep soundly at night knowing lee had to spend her nights on the old velvet couch in the corner of your shared room. you unbuttoned the long sleeve you’d been wearing all day, nearly forgetting about lee’s presence in front of you as she turned her head away from you.

she was a sweetheart, and you didn’t need to know her to know that. she was more caring and attentive than most people would ever recognize, something you’d picked up from your quiet observations of her. did she think the same of you?

you were left in a tank top, buttons undone as a gold locket laid on your chest. you rested against the pillows as you caught lee’s gaze lingering on you for a moment.

“why don’t we share?”

a beat passed before lee turned her body to look at you.

“what?”

“the bed, i mean.”

you saw the wheels turning in her head, weighing her options before she spoke again.

“do we have to?”

you laughed quietly, stifling it quickly as you caught the blank expression on lee’s face.

“we don’t have to, but i figure the bed is better than needing a spine adjustment when we leave next week.”

you retorted, hand resting in your palm as your hair fell over your shoulder. lee got up wordlessly, walking to the bathroom as you heard the sound of water running. it wasn’t long before she came back, retrieving a change of clothes and settling herself on the bed, opposite of you. she was tense, shoulders stiff even while she was lying down, the muscles in her jaw tightening for a moment as you tried not to stare. you leaned over to the nightstand, switching off the light as you turned away from her, hoping to give her the space she needed.

“how do you think it’ll go tomorrow?”

lee spoke unexpectedly, breaking the heavy silence that had fallen over the two of you. tomorrow, you’d have to interview the parents of the missing girl and the witnesses that had last seen your suspect.

“we’ll do just fine. besides, we’ve put in more field work than half the class so, i’d like to think we’re qualified.”

she hummed, turning on her side to face you as you could just barely make out her features in the darkness of the room. the moonlight seeped through the cracks in the blinds, a strange feeling settling itself in the back of your mind. in any other situation, you wouldn’t have been so calm in your current position. sure, it may have been slightly inappropriate to be sharing a bed with your co worker, but something felt natural when it came to lee. you didn’t have to flaunt your qualifications at every given opportunity when you were around her. you didn’t have to pretend to be someone you weren’t, and maybe, neither did she. her hand brushed against yours for a brief moment before you both pulled away, settling against your pillows.

“goodnight.”

she spoke, hands resting in the fabric of the thin sheets.

“goodnight, lee.”

you answered, hoping she didn’t notice the way you smiled to yourself in the darkness. she did.

SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE WORKS WITH HER HANDS

AND SMELLS LIKE MARLBORO REDS…

it had been a long day of going door to door, getting half answers from people who clearly didn’t have anything real to give you. lee was burnt out by the time you’d driven the two of you back to the hotel, excusing herself to the balcony outside while she lit a cigarette. night had finally fallen over the town as you slid off your blazer and changed into a t shirt. you made your way outside to settle in next to her, the dim light of her cigarette allowing you to admire her.

“didn’t get much out of the family today, hm?”

you spoke, sipping on the cheap, overpriced shooters that were left on the hotel room.

“we’ll get something tomorrow.”

she spoke, so sure of herself. that was something you’d noticed over the short time you’d spent with lee. it was like she had some voice in the back of her mind that told her where to find just what you were looking for.

“good.”

you spoke, pausing as you extended your hand toward lee. she looked over at you, your head cocked at her cigarette. she understood, slowly handing it to you as you took a drag. you half expected her to say no, so there was no doubt she noticed the failed attempt of hiding the smile on your face. you exhaled, the smoke visible in the cold air as you leaned your head back. for the first time, you felt her eyes on you. burning a hole into the side of your head. you couldn’t help but like it.

“you seem to be good with people.”

she spoke, body angled towards yours as you finally worked up the courage to look at her. you laughed quietly, shaking your head.

“not really, y’know. i just try to be less of a fed and more of a human.”

you sighed softly, tapping your cigarette against the ledge as you handed back to lee. she took it, hesitating for a brief moment before bringing it to her lips. there was a quiet tension that hung over the two of you, your hand brushing against hers, the way you couldn’t stop staring at her. you almost thought she’d tell you to stop, or get up and leave. but instead, her hand rested atop of yours.

“lee.”

you spoke, a quiet whisper that hung in the air. she looked at you, down at your intertwined fingers. this was the first time in a long time, maybe ever, that she’d allowed herself to feel this way. feel anything.

“you can tell me to leave right now, and i’ll go. i’ll fuck off and we can forget this happened, but i just-”

“just what?”

she cocked her head slightly, strands of her hair falling in her face after she’d finally removed the ponytail from her hair. you sighed, the words nearly dying in your throat before you finally spoke.

“i just really wanna kiss you.”

you watched the way her chest rose and fell at a faster pace. you saw the flicker of something that flashed in her eyes. her thumb traced a pattern atop your hand, before she looked back at you once more, humming quietly.

“kiss me, then.”

you could’ve laughed, cried even. never would you have thought that you’d be here, in the arms of lee harker. never would you have thought that you’d know the feeling of her lips against your own. as your foreheads rested against one another, her hand flattened against the small of your back, yours in her hair. your chests rose and fell against one another. she tilted her head slightly, looking down at you.

“come on.”

you got up, pulling her with you as the two of you finally stood up. you slid open the glass door, leaving it open as she trailed in behind you. you walked backwards towards the bed, leaning back against the pillows as your shirt rose slightly. lee stood above you, eyes dark with some unidentifiable want. she leaned down, lips pressed against the juncture of your neck before moving lower. you closed your eyes, hoping this wasn’t just a dream.

I ONLY WANT HER

IF SHE SAYS IT FIRST TO ME…

you woke the next morning, lees arms slung loosely around your waist as your head rested against her shoulder. the alarm went off, lee groaning as you rolled over to turn it off. her hands were cold against your warm skin, hands smoothing out the knots between your shoulder blades as you leaned back against her.

“we should get ready.”

you half heartedly spoke as her chin came to rest on your shoulder. you tilted your head back, getting a good look at her. she smiled softly, a rare sight, one that you could certainly get used to. her hands rested beneath the gray fabric of your old t shirt as you slowly slid out of bed. you felt her eyes on you as you stood, brushing your hair out of your face. you padded towards the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe as she still sat at the edge of your bed.

“you coming?”

you spoke, smile on your face as you turned on your heel into the bathroom, the sound of running water catching lee’s attention.

“what?”

COULDN’T FIGHT TO SAVE YOUR LIFE

BUT YOU LOOK SO COOL…

it took longer than expected for the pair of you to get ready, finally going back into town to speak with other possible witnesses to the crime you were investigating.

you looked out the window, passing by countless empty acres of land, a few stray cats wandering through the fields. lee’s fingers toyed with the rings on your hand as she looked over at your for a moment. the roads were nearly empty as you finally neared the address you’d been given by the local police. it was a quiet home, small, but still had its charm. a porch that wrapped around its sun bleached edges, an old dog that barked softly as the car pulled up onto the gravel.

the two of you got out, badged on display as you shut the doors to the old plymouth as you walked toward the front porch. you followed behind lee, the old wooden staircase creaking as you neared the front door. lee stopped dead in her tracks as you nearly ran into her, hand resting on her shoulder.

“what is it?”

you asked as she finally looked behind her shoulder to meet your eyes.

“he’s here.”

everything happened in a flash, almost like time stopped and had been waiting for you to arrive to finally resume again. the front door swung open so hard you would’ve sworn you saw splintered wood fly off into the humid summer air. lee’s arm reached back to grab you, quickly bringing the two of you behind the car as the barrel of a shotgun pointed itself at the pair of you. her chest heaved, as did yours. you looked over at her, the words how? on your lips, but now wasn’t the time to question her newfound clairvoyance.

“now, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way.”

a man’s voice spoke, the same steps you’d just been standing on moments ago creaking as you watched his old boots slowly make their way over to the car. you both moved as quietly as you could to the other side of the car, lee pulling out her gun while you stayed pressed against her side. your hand remained on your holster, the eery silence falling over you. you were almost glad he’d made it easy. given himself up so fast. the other part of you was wishing you never made your way here today, out in the middle of nowhere. it would take at least half an hour to get back up, maybe even more knowing the competence of the local police. lee gestured to the side of the house, ready to make a move before the situation could escalate further.

you grabbed a rock from beneath the car, trying to make sure the suspect didn’t see you as you threw it toward the opposite side of the house when he wasn’t looking.

“go, go.”

you whispered, you and lee moving as quiet as possible as you pressed yourselves against the side of the house. you slowly moved behind her, making your way behind the house to try and disarm the suspect as quickly as you could. you could hear his footsteps, the crunch of leaves beneath his feet. you tried to avoid any branches on the ground as you finally neared the corner.

lee raised her gun, aimed at the suspect as you pointed yours to the ground next to her.

“my name is special agent harker with the fbi, please drop your weapon now and get down on the ground.”

the man turned around, gun pointed directly at lee as you began to move in front of her. she reached out, stopping you, as he looked between the two of you.

“i’m not letting the fucking feds take me down for this.”

he shouted, moving closer as the two of you took a step back.

“put the gun down now and no one has to get hurt.”

you spoke, earning a scoff from the man as he shook his head.

“no one has to get hurt? do you think i’m fucking stupid? i know how this works. you guys turn me in and i get the fucking chair.”

you and lee shared a look, sweat forming on your hairline as you cocked your gun.

“listen, all you have to do is drop the gun and we’ll make sure you’re treated fairly at the penitentiary.”

you spoke once more, watching as lee’s grip tightened on her weapon. it was a lie, of course. once he was arrested and processed, the two of you had no part in his sentencing, where he’d be sent. all you had control over was this very moment. but a convincing lie was the difference between making it back to the bureau to tell the story or not.

you watched as he hesitated, eyes twitching and jaw clenching as his knuckles turned white against the metal of the gun. it was almost slow motion as he turned the gun at lee, raising it as his fingers inched toward the trigger. you both sensed what would come next as you grabbed lee, the two of you tumbling to the ground as a shot echoed through the air. birds were sent flying off the fence as he missed, you rolling off of lee as she leaned up on her elbows, disheveled.

you took your opportunity before he thought about redeeming himself, shooting the suspect in the knee as he fell to the ground. you made your way over to his side, kicking the gun away from him as lee finally stood and walked toward you. you pushed your hair out of your face, standing up as you looked over at lee.

“we can lock him in the car until backup comes. i’ll radio it in-”

“we should search the house.”

lee spoke, unnerving tone as he looked at the back door. the black screen made it nearly impossible to see inside, but even you felt the chill that ran up your spine.

GOOD MEN DIE TOO

SO I’D RATHER BE WITH YOU.

after the long processing, giving your statements to the local police and assessing the reports down at the station, the two of you finally made your way into the cheap sheets of the hotel bed.

lee’s head tilted back against the headboard as she exhaled, the low crackle of her cigarette and the quiet sound of the tv filling your senses. her fingers rested on your forearm, tracing delicate patterns while your head rested against her chest. you felt the rise and fall of her breathing, the way she toyed with the strands of your hair. you were still a bit shaken, sure, but it put your mind at ease to be able to have this. have her.

the drapes were opened slightly in your room, just enough so that you could see the sunset. you looked up at her, hand holding the fabric of the white tank top lee had changed into.

“see that?”

you spoke, hands softly holding her jaw to turn toward the door. she hummed, looking out at the sky before pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles.

“yeah, i do.”

you smiled softly, leaning back to press a kiss to her jaw, her hand against your ribcage. this was all you’d ever need.