#The Failed Experiments
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anya deserved so much better
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing art#mouthwashing anya#ibon draws#cw eye strain#eye strain#just in case#massive trigger warning for people interested in the game 😭i myself had to just listen to a video summarizing it#because i don't do well with heavy games like that especially as a survivor and someone with cptsd myself#the way in which she was systematically failed and gaslit by the others even after the fact felt eerily similar to what i experience#'in the back of my mind it's always there' how it feels to have cptsd in the aftermath is so realistically depicted by anya- i can confirm#take care of yourselves ok <3 i wish us all healing and safety
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"just as I did, in 1983."
you'd never know my favourite parts of the show are the fucked up insane bits when my first instinct is to draw the cheesiest thing imaginable
#my art#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#iwtv#armand iwtv#daniel molloy#armand#armandaniel#devils minion#drew this before the finale but idk maybe this is during the unspecified amount of time between armands divorce and daniels press tour#the titian painting doesnt fit at ALL with the timeline btw#i THOUGHT it did bc i assumed 1508 was when armand was turned into a vampire BUT upon reflection thats more likely the year he was born#and even then the painting was made in like 1510 so fuck me i guess. also im foggy on when armand was taken to rome#idk man i havent read the books and i failed art history on two separate occasions i cannot endeavor for accuracy#anyway as much as i love 70s/80s devils minion i have equal love for old man daniel#his cynicism has been tempered by time... refined like a diamond... he dont gaf and bullies his loser vampire and its hilarious#like ''sure yeah fine all these old italian renaissance guys saw ur ethereal otherworldly beauty but literally anybody can see that''#''IM the only mf who gets to experience the incandescent joy of seeing you be a messy idiot''#sidenote trying to make armand look unflattering is impossible u can blame the show for casting the worlds most beautiful man
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I think one of the biggest tragedies of Laios & Falin and their relationship is how much his actions impact her life. But like. Specifically how much they WOULDN’T impact her life as much if they weren’t both stuck in such a shitty abusive situation.
This part of the Falin-tries-makeup daydream hour comic is what got me thinking about it again because truly it just... it seems like such a like an offhand comment that I'm sure Laios didn't mean to be cruel or anything. That's just like. A little kid not thinking about what they are saying. ESPECIALLY when the kid in question is Laios.
But man they depended on each other SO much as kids. Too much. It really feels like they didn't have any other source of positive reinforcement, or anyone else to share themselves with. So of course an offhand comment like that has a huge impact on Falin.
Or this little bit from one of the flashbacks:
This tears me apart. Do you think it tears him apart to think about? I think it does. I think Laios holds every small failure to care for Falin against himself.
And then there's the Bigger stuff. The way that him coping with his own trauma ended up impacting her.
Like his interest in monsters. Like him going to find a ghost, and accidentally revealing Falin's magic to the whole village in the process.
Like him needing to leave. And leaving her behind.
He shaped her life so much, and he carries so much guilt for it. And again, there should have been other people there to help. The same things that made Laios need to leave home are the things that made his leaving so hard on Falin. She ate alone after that. She shouldn't have had to eat alone just because Laios wasn't there.
She was 9 when he left for school, and he was 11.
Nine. And Laios feels like he failed her because he didn't stand by her through this better. As an eleven year old.
Both of these kids deserved so much better from the world.
#dunmeshi analysis#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#laios touden#dungeon meshi spoilers#AND this isn't even getting into her leaving the academy & how much it seems like that was directly tied to how poorly he was doing#there's a comic in the adventurer's bible where marcille is like 'yeah she had a job lined up and everything'#and like. do you think he feels bad for that too#like he wrecked her life by leaving#and wrecked her life by showing up#what do you even do at that point. if you feel like a failed protector when you are away & and a burden when you return#unable to make yourself accept. unable to make yourself resist#Laios strongest moment is when he lets himself accept that. the contradiction of his life & his relationship with Falin#that he has to kill her to save her#as a small note this came out a little more focused on Laios' POV with this stuff but Falin's experience of it is v important to me too#didn't mean to sideline her but her feelings about stuff are more speculative and probably need a post of their own
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The way that I’m brainrotting over a DCxDP crossover with a Danny who’s a vengeful villain rn
Like, let’s just say that the GiW finally get into contact with the JL. They need help neutralizing a threat, you see, and they’re on their last limb trying to keep civilians safe.
They have video evidence! They have studies to back their claims! The JL have to help them!
Unfortunately, the JL believe them. They join a fight against Danny, and defeat him due to being far more experienced than he is. Danny is locked away and experimented on by the GiW.
That would CHANGE a person. Your heroes turning against you and seeing you as a monster, being experimented on for who knows how long, not knowing if your friends and family are safe.
Danny gets out due to a simple mistake on the GiW’s part; having Blüdhaven as part of their transport route.
Of course the trucks were attacked, they’re government property!
So now, whoever decided to raid the government transport trucks (the Penguin or something) has a ton of experimental weapons with no idea how they work, and a heavily traumatized teenager.
Danny knows how they work. Danny can be useful! They won’t throw him out if he’s useful! And so, now Danny is working for the Penguin, altering the ectoplasm weapons to make them work on humans.
It’s a good deal for both parties. Danny gets to neurotically imprint on the Penguin like a small baby animal, and the Penguin gets a brilliant mind who will stop at nothing to achieve his goals.
But eventually, Danny finds out what happened to his family in his absence.
Jazz is in Arkham. Not as a psychologist, but as a “patient.” Apparently, she snapped and completely destroyed the house, leveled a few blocks of Amity Park, and conducted organized attacks on government bases (mostly GiW) for months.
Sam and Tucker helped her, eventually splitting once Jazz was captured. Sam travels to areas of extreme pollution, completely overgrowing them with her plant powers. Currently she’s in the Amazon rainforest, engaging in an ongoing feud with logging companies. Sam is winning.
Tucker faked his death, and Danny has no idea where he is. He only knows that the death wasn’t real because of a code that the three of them made together, just in case.
Ellie’s trapped in the Infinite Realms. Danny had a failsafe in place so that if she was ever cornered by the GiW, she would be sent to her haunt in the GZ. However, with the portal destroyed, she can’t come back. Danny just hopes she’s okay.
His parents are now top GiW scientists. They’re traveling the country giving speeches. They’re working on a battery powered by ectoplasm, but apparently started “having difficulties” around the same time that Danny escaped.
None of it is fair. None of it is right.
The Justice League destroyed his life, the lives of his friends, and they’re doing as good as ever. The GiW is respected, and his parents are happily working away for them.
Danny takes up some of his more experimental weapons and breaks Jazz out of Arkham. She’s a little different now, colder and more quiet, but she still loves him all the same. It’s an unimaginable comfort to him to see his sister again.
He can’t use his powers anymore. He’s so used to associating them with pain that even transforming into his ghost form is enough to take him down for hours.
However, he understands ectoplasm more than anyone else in the world. He knows how to use it in virtually everything; how it can become a weapon, how it can be used as a supplemental ingredient in poisons and nerve agents, how it can twist and distort the mind if applied correctly.
He doesn’t care what happens to him. He’s going to take down the GiW, and destroy the lives of the JL members who helped lock him away, just as they did to him.
No matter the cost.
#dcxdp#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp prompt#let Danny be scary and unsettling and evil WITHOUT being Dan!! do it!!!!!#at first the JL just think they’re dealing with a normal villain who’s angry at the world#the more details they get on him the more dread they feel#eventually they realize that they locked a 16-year-old away to be experimented on by the government for YEARS#and not that same kid is determined to ruin their lives#the GUILT. the PAIN. the realization that they so completely and fully failed this child#they’re speedrunning the 5 stages of grief and Danny is just like ‘oh no! anyways’ *fakes killing Red Robin to fuck with the bat*
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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I want it back / I drag its dead weight forward.
#Better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#digital art#This was a style experimentation doodle that took on a life of its own.#In a way it is a great example of 'beautiful failure'. The original goal was to try a pure black and white contrast piece.#Which I very much failed at doing. Not quite ready for that! However what this turned into is something I like a lot!#Different but in a way that really pushed me as an artist. A little less simple; a little more proportional.#I was also recently thinking about LWJ's grieving that we only catch glimpses of.#LWJ grieved his first love for 13 years. His love that was never reciprocated.#He chose to dedicate his heart to that mourning and most painfully of all - he did so knowing there was no end to that grief.#Wei Wuxian comes back to life in MDZS but that is an exception. Not the expectation.#He was dead. Not missing. Not 'maybe in hiding'. He was dead and his spirit unreachable.#Jiang Cheng went forwards with denial but LWJ takes that grief on. He copes by continuing to carry the weight with him.#Let me be clear. Neither are healthy approaches. It is a way to cope but it does not mean that is healing or healthy.#Grief is loved transformed but it is also about endurance and letting go. Grief can change you. You can also change your grief.#It isn't a good or evil thing to experience. It is just an experience.
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crochawk exchange for a crochawker
#cross guild#sir crocodile#dracule mihawk#crochawk#one piece#my art#from a week ago#croc doesnt know how to use chopsticks so mihawk tried and failed to teach him how.. at least this way croc can be fed by mihawk..#(inspired by personal experience i was in mihawks position)#small secret santa thing among crochawkers#this event somewhat lifted me out of a horrible funk id been in so i'm kind of grateful for that..#crochawk has actually been my otp for over a year now
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Now I am not saying that Drumbot Brian on the drums or banjo are over appreciated because I don't think it is possible to appreciate anything about Drumbot Brian too much, BUT I do think that Drumbot Brian on the accordion is terribly underappreciated.
Look at this. How can you see this and Not want to talk about him on the accordion for the rest of time?? Also the instrument itself is pretty and matches the rose on his hat.
#all of the mechs are just so ridiculously impressive and have such a wide range of skill in both instruments and vocals#I like never see his accordion playing gettibg talked abt anywhere despite how fucking cool it is to the point#I sometimes gaslight myself into thinking my memory's failing and it never existed (bc I am really bad at recognizing instruments#on recordings) until I stumble upon photos of it again and I feel like I just snorted a line.#I have much the same experience with Ivy playing the trumpet too.#So I just keep a list of every instrument I've ever seen the mechs use or their actors have said they used + pictures to help.#drumbot brian#the mechanisms
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Given that SCOTUS has anointed the office of the presidency as a monarch role beyond all reproach (so that when 45 wins in Nov as they are intending), and we’ll never have another presidential election, I wish that Biden would assume lame duck status IMMEDIATELY, call their bluff, and start issuing executive orders like crazy now through January 2025.
He could do shit like defund the military and pour the funds into social services, repeal all nationwide laws/restrictions on abortion, make all healthcare including all reproductive services and gender affirming care accessible, instate UBI and Medicare for all, write a 100% tax rate on billionaires, push sweeping environmental protections, break up monopolistic megacorps, close federal prisons, expand and pack the court, cancel all student/personal/medical/non corporate debts, open our boarders, decriminalize all drugs, etc. etc. etc.
Maybe then the 6 block justice set of 45 worshippers would see what they’ve done.
Maybe then, if Biden immediately, decisively even did 10% of that, he might not lose the election.
Of course, he’d actually have to give a shit about any of those things in order to do this.
And that’s the whole fucking point, right? He won’t. And it’s why we’re here.
Democrats hold themselves to “the rules” only to the extent they’re spineless liberals who are in the same big money pockets as republicans. The key difference being, they let republicans be the ones to more overtly, proudly kill us all and act powerless to stopping them.
When our structures demand they are the ONLY ones who could stop them. I can’t take it anymore.
#us politics#sorry but I’m in a real negative tail spin that has been increasing In intensity for a decade at least#call me a psyop if you must that’s fine but I’ll be sitting over here in Texas#crying bitter tears that fall on my 20 year old BA in political science and the death of all my Childish dreams#that this fucking failed experiment of a nation has no chance at redemption#stick a fork in her folks she’s done
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yknow what. I wanna say: CSA and COCSA survivors are all incredible, but I also wanna give a shout out to ppl who were exposed to sexual stuff or had any kind of sexual experience as a kid that they either aren't comfortable labelling as or don't consider abuse, but they know it still fucking sucked and shouldnt have happened. Even if that changes later in life and you identify as a victim/surivor, it can be messy to have to imagine those labels applying to the ppl in ur life and that can take time.
The most important thing is to prioritize your recovery + health, and to support other victims + survivors.
#COCSA ment#CSA ment#This is like. V personal and venting (maybe over sharing)#It's. I'm going to be honest recent discussion really brought this back into my brain aaughhh. Not in a bad way necessarily#Just. I know I've had experiences that I think others might label this way and I struggle to really understand that#Beyond the gut feeling of ''it doesnt count'' there's the understand that I might be denying it bc of shame or even just. The fact I have#An internal definition of it that excludes myself. And that I don't want to imagine the other ppl as 'abusive' and I don't think they had#The intent to hurt me. And the fact in one situation I know none of us understood boundaries or consent bc we didn't#Actually talk with adults about what like. Sex and sexuality meant so all out fucking context was porn. And just idk#I have specific experiences but those Memorable Incidents were just part of a larger pattern of me learning Abt sex young#And then failing to get proper sex ed for years. And the internet. And the Fucking Internet#(fanfic is like. Anti sex ed. 70% just the fucking worst shit to internalize 30% ''hey this is actually Okay'')#Sex Ed... Like in school... Needs a fucking HEAVY overhaul but it's still better than nothing usually
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Buried Beneath The Laughter They Ignored
Tim is totally fine. Ridiculously fine, actually.
It didn’t matter that he woke up feeling this bubbling, manic laughter in his chest, like everything was suddenly so fucking funny. It didn’t matter that he’d woken up from another nightmare last night, crying, calling for his mama—not the mother he lost, but the mother he gained, Harley Quinn. And it didn’t matter that most days, he felt more like Joker Junior than he did Tim Drake.
It didn’t matter that no one else seemed to fucking care.
He shoved down every bit of laughter clawing up his throat, because he knew if he let even one chuckle slip, they’d all give him that look. The one they always did. Disapproval masked as concern. They didn’t like Junior. They didn’t want to believe Junior was still in there, clawing his way up every time Tim breathed.
It didn’t matter that no one ever asked him how he was doing. They didn’t want to talk about it. Because talking about it would make it real, and they preferred pretending it wasn’t. They expected him to be fine, to push it down, to carry on like nothing happened. If he tried to bring it up, they’d say he was being insensitive—insensitive to Jason's trauma. What fucking irony, he thought bitterly. As if it wasn’t insensitive to be stepping all over his by not letting him speak.
It didn’t matter that he caught them glancing at him sometimes, like they were waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for him to snap, waiting for Junior to come out again. But they never asked. No one asked what was going on in his head. No one fucking asked.
It didn’t matter that when he finally snapped, when he finally screamed at them, sick and tired of pretending, they had the nerve to act clueless. As if they didn’t know.
It didn’t matter that Dick, of all people, screamed back. Yelling like he was being unreasonable. Like he was the problem. He screamed at Tim, demanding answers, to ask what the hell he meant by Joker Junior, as if—
As if they didn’t know.
They didn’t fucking know.
This whole time, they hadn’t known.
They didn’t know Tim had been taken. They didn’t know Tim had been missing. They didn’t know Tim had been held prisoner at the hand of the Joker for months, tearing him apart, piece by piece, until Junior was the only thing left of him. They didn’t know he had screamed for them, begged for someone to find him, but no one ever did.
They didn’t know how much he had suffered. Alone. They didn’t know how much he had changed. They didn’t know that every time he woke up now, it felt like he was still Joker Junior, just wearing Tim’s skin.
And they didn’t know how much it hurt—how much it broke him—to realize that they had never known.
Tim wasn’t fucking okay. And it mattered—oh, it mattered—that they didn’t fucking know.
Because if they didn’t know, it meant no one ever bothered to look. It meant no one ever cared enough to notice.
#tim drake#batfam#joker junior tim#tim drake deserves better#tim drake as joker junior has some sort of chokehold on me i swear#i think the realization of the bats finding out would be disastrous in a very angsty way#at surface level they would all feel like they've failed tim because he had thought they all knew and just didn't care about him#i think bruce dick jason and maybe alfred would take it the hardest because of past personal experiences#like jason would be angry at himself (and bruce lets be honest) for letting another robin fall to the hands of the joker#but he'd also be super upset at himself for never noticing tims signs of trauma#and also for never giving tim the impression that he could come to him for comfort and support as someone whos also suffered to the joker#which the idea that tim saw the way everyone was cautious and careful ariund his trauma while not realizing that they were totally being#insensitive and completely disregaring his just makes him feel shittier#the tags are already pretty long so i wont do the others but i think its a really interesting concept to analyse
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5 December 2024
I've made some minuscule progress on electrochem - I still don't like it but maybe I won't always hate it...? I'm feeling a little sick today but managed to take some notes for the upcoming chromatography final. Hopefully it'll just blow over and not turn into a more serious sickness, but I'm still staying home tomorrow, even if only to keep my germs to myself lol
#mental health isn't too great today either#but it's been only two weeks since i got that updose so that's to be expected#when optimism fails past experiences tell me it'll get better though#so let's hang on to that#mine#op#studyblr#chemblr#chemistry
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🐌snail
#inspired by the drawing of dragon watering the den den mushi#and by personal experiences regarding special interests#smth smth learning to be better at the expanses of the people you failed#theres not a single day where i dont go insane thinking abt dragon and garps relation#like. so much to unpack there. hes a revolutionary. he entrusts his son to his marine father. insane#monkey d dragon#monkey d garp#monkey d luffy#one piece#my art!!#also dont mind me hitting dragon and luffy w the tism blast#:3
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For all those skiing accidents Bruce gets into, he must have to actually go skiing a couple of times just for the press coverage.
And before he buys the Planet, Perry sends Clark out to do a piece on the skiing industry and hopefully get an interview with the walking safety hazard that is Bruce Wayne.
Or honestly, have them meet as civilians at any of Bruce’s extreme sport covers. Because galas are boring as fuck and I wanna see Brucie Wayne try and teach Clark Kent how to ski.
#batman#bruce wayne#superman#clark kent#superbat#bruce trying to figure out how competent he needs to pretend to be at skiing#because all of the accidents happen in remote mountain ranges since no ski lodge would allow that sort of bad press that often#and he needs to be moderately competent in order to sell doing the high stakes skiing#but the whole point is that he often ends up in multiple casts so he’s gotta be somewhat accident prone#and then there’s clark from kansas who can fly but has more experience cross country skiing than downhill#and bruce entertains himself flirting with the reporter he knows had been at a couple of galas but always had a different story to cover#maybe the get snowed into the lodge and just end up playing chess or something and bruce can’t tell if he’d rather have his kids here#or is thankful they aren’t here to wait him fail so badly at flirting with the cute reporter#idk how to reveal their identities maybe they both get an emergency JL call but god let them meet somewhere not a gala
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fond of marcille (id in alt)
#dungeon meshi#marcille donato#i love her so much… FRANKLY i knew i would like her but i didn’t think she’d be my favorite and Yet…#she has thoroughly enraptured me with how much she fails and yet continues to try and try again#her character also surprised me sooo much while i was reading dunmeshi… there’s a natural feel to how characters both develop and can#regress in dunmeshi - that push and pull made every chapter feel unexpected and enjoyable to experience… esp true with marcie’s chara imo#ruporas art
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I dont have anything for the event however I do have my silly guys
Yuu doing one of those oc templates and gets bombarded
#Is it actually a chart Crowley makes all the students do as a bonding experience#but then it back fails because its NRC#my art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland fanart#twst fanart#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst#twisted wonderland art#twst wonderland#art#twst yuu#twst grim#twst ace#twst deuce#Ace trappola#Deuce Spade#This was in drafts so not never spooky
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