#The Darkling wants someone with a strong will at his side

[aleksanderscult]

What do you think Aleksander would’ve been like had he met an Alina, or jonestly just another Sun Summoner who didn’t want to mess with his plans, but didn’t want to be there? Or one who was willing to stick around and perform it like the winter fete and other occasions but mostly was NOT willing to do the whole sun saint thing? I mean in a ‘I’ll stick around and be your friend or whatever but I mostly want to be left alone and not do the whole Grisha thing’ because I really can’t imagine what he would do if he had a sun summoner who just wasn’t into wearing that kefta, playing the Sun saint role except when absolutely necessary, and didn’t want to be with him. Would he have been able to begrudgingly accept it just to keep another immortal around with a huffed sigh? Or would he have been driven nuts trying to figure out how to get them to be fully into the grisha cause and him as well? Sorry if this makes no sense

To be honest, the very fact that she wouldn't want to take part in the Grisha fight would also be a mess-up for his plans. Because he wanted and expected a Sun Summoner ready to fight on his side eventually to protect the Grisha, not to escort her in parties as an accessory.

Yes, she wouldn't oppose him (as you said) but her inactiveness would be an obstacle and I'm sure that he would try to change her mind. Perhaps try to make her see by taking her with him on his campaigns and wars and witness for herself the severity of the situation. Try to make her understand that his cause is important and noble.

He did try to make Alina understand several times:

- Shadow and Bone

- Siege and Storm

By trying to make her see that he struggles to put an end to wars and by exposing her selfishness and his need for her to change her mind, he wants to reach her full potential and become something more. Something Alina is afraid of becoming.

The Darkling doesn't want her to be only a tool of entertainment for guests to behold and admire but for her to join him in his war willingly because her powers were meant for something more than party tricks.

Mind you, I still kinda think that if she was on his side and did nothing he would still be partially satisfied because he has at least another immortal being to keep him company. Someone that is so like him in power, strength and future possibilities. Let's not forget how he constantly visited her through the tether on S&S, while she was in the library, in the councils even in her bedroom sleeping. And how he offered her a throne at his side so they could see each other whenever they wanted.

He wants her immortality and love for him and her powers for his cause. So it's a mixed bag of "I want you because I want to erase my loneliness and I need love" and "I want you because your power is the key to end this brutality around us. Peace at last."

The Darkling was raised to value power by Baghra and he was encouraged to be unafraid of it. So seeing Alina shy away from her powers is something weird to him. How can she not understand that her powers are meant to be used for something grand? How can she be so selfish by wanting to run off with a mortal tracker and leave us all behind?

It's a foreign concept to him.

[mindnightpoet]

He found love

Summary: Aleksander finally understands what true love is.

Warnings: None I think, just tooth-rotting fluff

A/N: I know I disappeared for a long time, but there's a lot going on. I'm trying to make all the request. I love all❤️

Aleksander and the sun summoner -Alina- were the most loved couple in Ravka. Everyone talked about how cute and strong their love is.

It was until Aleksander met you. You; the dragon queen. You were able to communicate, tame and control the dragons all over the known world.

The first time Aleks saw you, you were training with your dragon. He was absolutely enchanted from then on.

When most people meet someone they are instantly attracted to, their heart races and their palms sweat and their brain turns to mush.

But not the Darkling.

He noticed all of these things and more, but kept his demeanor calm and unruffled. His face was a mask of composure, his breathing slow and steady.

Only one part didn't follow suit, one part that the Darkling's powers and will could not control. His heart was beating so loud he was afraid everyone could hear it, despite the fact that he stood perfectly still.

"Ohh Good afternoon General" you beamed like a sunshine. He couldn't wrap his brain around how someone so powerful could be so kind and pure at the same time. He thought already met the sun, but it wasn't like that all. No, you weren't like that. You were like the brightest star he has ever seen. Full of light on the night sky.

"Hello" he said, as if he could say anything other than that, not taking his eyes off your face for a second.

The way you talked was so genuine, there was nothing artificial, nothing put on. Your voice was like music to his ears, and seeing a smile cross your face was like seeing the sun rise after a cold, dark night.

He could already feel his control slipping, and yet something made him want to hold on, even if only for a moment.

"How are you today?" you asked, smiling.

"I am well" he said, his voice soft and gentle, "What brings you here?"

There was something different about how he spoke with you, something he wasn't even aware of himself. Normally he spoke with such authority and command, like a general issuing orders. But with you his voice was... softer. You saw something flicker in his eyes as he looked at you, some inner struggle that he was fighting. It was almost as if he wasn't as sure of himself, as he always was.

"Ohh just training with Firefly" you pointed at the young dragon which was jumping around the field like the baby he was.

"He needs to learn a bit" you explained.

He felt a smile spread across his face as he watched the dragon. It was a warm, genuine smile, which faded just as quickly as it arrived. He cleared his throat, trying to keep his composure, as he asked.

"Do you need any assistance?"

Suddenly a thought crossed his mind. He could help train your dragon. A simple task, but one he felt he could do. Maybe then you would smile that warm, genuine smile again.

"Well if you want to?" you shrugged. "It'd be good to have company" with a smile, you turned back to Firefly. He could feel his face heat up, and yet for some reason he felt the need to accept your invitation.

"Yes, I would love to join you" his voice was still soft and gentle, and he watched you with a curious expression on his face as he went to your side.

"Good" you grinned. "Here.." you handed him a fish. "I know it's gross, but I'll show you what to do with it" you explained.

You grabbed an other fish from the whistled to Firefly.

"Okay...Firefly! Sit!" you commanded to the dragon. Your voice and the way you told the creature what to do made Aleks's heart race.

He was already in awe of you for being able to command an entire dragon, but the way you did it was like magic. The dragon seemed to listen to you instinctively without any resistance at all.

Once you gave the command he watched as the dragon sat down with a low grumble. And yet you seemed completely unfazed by the dragons size and potential danger. To you it was just... a dragon. Seeing you command a dragon like that made his admiration for you grow even more, if that was even possible.

"Now give him the fish as a reward" you smiled at Aleks. He took the fish from your hand, and the dragon looked up at him instantly. Even if it was just a dragon to you, to him it was still a large, powerful beast. Yet it almost seemed to show some signs of shyness as it looked at him.

As he held the fish out the dragon came closer and began eating it, almost like a dog. He felt a smile spread across his face as he watched, there was something about this moment that made him feel... happy.

"How was it? Isn't it amazing?" you asked excitedly.

"It's incredible," he said as the dragon finished the fish, "To be able to control such a beast, I have never seen anything like it."

He looked at you with a feeling of wonder and amazement, his admiration for your powers growing even more.

However, even as he watched the magic you wielded, something else was catching his eyes. How you looked at the dragon and spoke to it almost like it was a human, with love and compassion. This was something else entirely. It moved something within him.

He knew deep down that he was still with Alina and he loved her. He loved her until that moment with you. When you talked so passionatly about the things you loved he felt like he fell more and more in love with you. Aleks forget about Alina and their relationship. All he knew was you.

He hadn't even noticed that he had moved closer to you, until your arms brushed against each other and your voices grew softer.

He felt the hair stand up on the back of his neck, and his breath caught in his throat.

The feeling of being near you was like a drug, intoxicating him, and suddenly he didn't even remember what he was doing or why he was here. He was so focused on you.

You were his entire focus now.

"Hi" you smiled when he got so close to you that your chest touched. It felt like time moved in slow motion as your chests touched, and suddenly everything stopped.

He felt so many emotions in that moment, fear, joy, confusion, arousal. His heart raced, and yet for some reason he didn't pull away, not now, not ever. He finally said with a voice so soft you could barely hear it,

"Hi, Angel" when his lips gently brushed yours, you made a confident move and pressed your lips hard to his.

And that was the moment he knew; He found true love. He found you.

[maimingaffairs]

Hi, I just stumbled upon your blog and immediately fell in love with your writing (that darkling fic), so I don't know if you write for Nikolai, but I think that man is a man written by Taylor Swift, so if you could, could you write a fic based on a song “I think he knows” like maybe they're friends but Nikolai has a crush on her and Nikolai is always smug about it and shamelessly flirts with her because he loves getting her all flustered but she just shrugs him off because she believes that Nikolai is always flirty with everyone but Nikolai proved her wrong and just continued on flirting with her until one day she confessed that she also has a crush on him? I don't know if that made sense.

this is my first time writing for Nikolai, admittedly, so I apologise if it isn't the most magical thing you've ever read. I did try though! but ill stand by when I said the entire grishverse was ghostwritten by Taylor swift. there is no questions. PERIOD. btw I love u, anon <333

warnings: none

word count: 2k

I Want You, Bless my Soul

(nikolai lantsov x fem!reader)

-

“One of these days I am going to charm you into a kiss, and then you won’t be able to resist me.”

You scoffed and looked up at your best friend while he stood over the desk you sat at, sketching a bit in your notebook, “A kiss? I bet you offer kisses to all the girls you know.” You countered and glanced back down at your work. 

Nikolai simply shrugged and sat down on the other side of his desk and he crossed his arms over his chest, “Well, there aren’t many girls around here to talk to.” He argued back playfully and reached across the desk to give your nose a little tap. 

“You’re insufferable!” You gasped playfully and then you shook your head, “you should be ashamed, making all the girls around you feel so pretty and special.”

“Does that mean I make you feel pretty and special?” He asked excitedly and you simply shook your head. 

“No, because I know better, Lantsov.”

“Ah. Well. One of these days. You’ll see.” He promised and you rolled your eyes in return. 

-

You stood up on the deck of Nikolai’s ship and drummed your fingers against the hard wood rails while you watched some of the Grisha on the ship work to keep it sailing smoothly. You’d been friends with the blonde prince as long as you could remember, and when he skipped off to do his own business and sail, he’d eagerly invited you to join him. 

Meaning, you were the only person aboard the ship to know he was the Lantsov prince, a secret of which you kept at the utmost importance. You loved the boy with all of your heart- a little bit too deeply- in fact, you were one hundred percent sure that you were in love with your best friend. But the only issue was, he was a natural flirt. It seemed like every girl he spoke to, every time he opened his mouth, every word he said, had someone swooning or falling to their knees. You had accepted a long time ago that you had no shot with the prince and you had made your peace with it. 

That didn’t make it any easier when he came around just to bother you, though. 

Like right now. 

You sat down on a little bench on the deck of the ship and peered out at the water around you, and Nikolai mirthfully approached you and reached out to hand you something. You looked down into his strong hand and saw a little pearl resting in the palm of his hand.

“Look. I found it in one of the oysters we caught.” He said proudly and you gently took the shimmering pearl out of his hand and held it up to the light.

“It’s pretty. What are you gonna do with it?” You asked and placed it back in his hand. 

“Well, I was going to give it to you. Because it’s so lovely, it just reminded me of you. Plus, it sparkles like your eyes or something like that. Was that a romantic enough thing to say?” He asked and winked down at you. 

You scoffed, as you often did in his presence, and took the pearl from him again, “Oh, please. It was just about as cheesy as it gets, you brat.” You replied and he hummed. 

“Well then why are you blushing?” He asked and pointed down at you, wiggling his finger near your face. 

You gaped up at him and you brought your hand up to your face to feel your cheeks which were indeed, quite warm and you scowled at him, “I am not blushing!” You protested, which caught the attention of Tamar nearby. 

She glanced in your direction and then up at the blonde boy in front of you and she grinned, “Oh yeah. You’re blushing. Hard.” She commented and Nikolai pumped his fist in victory. You stood up from the bench and tucked the pearl away in your pocket before you shook your head and stomped off below deck. 

-

The next time the Prince flustered you had to be in front of the Sun Summoner herself, and you couldn’t remember a time where you’d been more lost for words. You stood in his office while he went over some maps with Alina and her friend Mal, who stood awkwardly to the side. You took a guess and figured he did that a lot. Standing off to the side. You were perched on the corner of Nikolai’s desk and you tapped a spot on the map. 

“We gotta be careful here. Big rocks, remember?” You pointed out and he wasted no time in making you a mess. 

He reached down and grabbed your hand off of the map and raised it up to his lips, kissing your knuckles politely, “Ah yes. Big rocks. Not much bigger than the one I’ll put on your finger one day, though.” 

You stared up at him and your jaw almost dropped. He still held your hand in his and you wanted to yank it away and go hide, but half of you wouldn’t allow you to even budge. You let out a breathy, nervous laugh and you shook your head, “Time and place.” You mumbled under your breath and looked away from him but he simply tightened his grip on your hand and grinned. 

“We’d make beautiful children too, Alina, don’t you think? Her bone structure and her eyes and my hair and smile?”

The Sun Saint stood there and let out an awkward laugh before she looked to Mal and he cleared his throat, mentioning something or other about the sea whip. You tugged your hand away from Nikolai and looked down at your lap for a long time before you slid off of the desk and you put your hands into your pockets. 

“I’m going to head to bed I think. It’s been a very long day.” You squeaked and then without another word, you dashed out of his office and went to stand at your favorite spot at the back of the ship. 

You let the brisk night’s air cool your cheeks and you let out a long, frustrated sigh. You hardly thought it was fair that he kept flirting with you, especially when it was just so casual and asinine.  No one was on deck at this time of night and you took advantage of that and leaned over the side of the boat to feel the sea spray against your cheeks. You wanted to slap the smug little smile off of Nikolai’s face every time he made you feel so… giddy. You wanted to scream at him and tell him that it wasn’t fair that he unleashed butterflies in your stomach every time he opened up his beautiful mouth. But most of all, you wanted to smack him in the middle of the chest and tell him just how in love with him you were and just how unfair it was that he teased you relentlessly for it. 

That was why he did it, right?

You wondered for a moment and then finally shook your head. There was no other explanation. You’d known the boy since you were both just children and he’d always been a shameless little flirt with everyone, especially in his teenage years. It made sense that perhaps this was how he interacted. This was just his personality, everybody knew so… right?

You nearly jumped out of your skin when you felt a hand on your shoulder and you turned around with your hands raised, only to feel waves of relief when you saw it was only Nikolai. 

“You scared me.” You commented with a sigh and the boy shrugged and then he let out a laugh, a beautiful sound that brought a smile to your lips. 

“Yeah I can tell. You look very menacing with your hands up like that. I almost feared for my life.” He teased and you rolled your eyes and playfully shoved him back before you turned back to the water, silence settling over the two of you. 

“So,” Nikolai began and leaned up against the rails next to you, “Is this the part where we kiss? In front of the ocean, under the light of the moon?” He singsonged and sidled up closer to you. 

You turned and looked at him with a frown, “You have to stop that.” You said quietly and then bit down on your bottom lip. 

“Stop what?” He asked cluelessly.

You studied his face and then you shook your head, “Nikolai, I mean you need to stop messing with me like this. I’m not just every girl. They all swoon for you and they all giggle and blush when you talk to them but for me it’s just… so much more complex.”

He raised his eyebrow curiously as if he didn’t understand what you meant and you let out a long sigh and rubbed your face, already blushing, “Nikolai, I am in love with you. I have been for years, and I probably will be for a long time. And when you sit and flirt with me like this… make me feel special, make me feel so giddy, it makes it even harder for me because that’s how you talk to every girl!” You said, hiding your face in your hands. 

There was a long pause in which you could only hear the ocean around you along with the wind, when suddenly the boy next to you let out a loud, amused laugh. Your face turned even redder and you went to walk away before he grabbed onto your arm and he pulled you back to him and grinned down at you.

“Oh, y/n. My sweet, sweet girl. Do you ever hear me say these things to other girls? Really.” He asked and you blinked up at him. 

You knew he had a charming demeanor, but come to think of it, he’d never made comments like the ones he made to you to every other girl he ever met. You stared up at him blankly and he laughed again, a beautiful sound that made you want to melt into his arms entirely. 

“I’ll take that as a no.” He replied and then he let out a soft sigh, “I don’t mess about with other girls, I don’t tease them relentlessly like I do you. And it’s all for good reason. You’re simply the only girl I have my sights on, and saints are you a slippery little worm. I think I’ve finally got you and then you’re running off and hiding.” 

Shock was evident on your face, this much you were sure of, and you shook your head once, “You have got to be kidding me.” Was all you could manage and Nikolai laughed again and he reached down to cup your cheeks. 

“My pretty y/n. I’d never joke about such things.” He said, leaning closer to your face. 

“Oh for the love of the saints, Nikolai.” You groaned and stood up on your toes to finally greet his lips with your own. 

The kiss was met with much eagerness from the Prince and he only pulled you closer to him as he kissed you back with a sweetness unlike anything you’d ever felt. Butterflies fluttered around your stomach and when he finally pulled back, his grin was highlighted by the moon as he stared down at you as if you were the most beautiful thing in the world to him. 

“I do believe I told you that one day I’d charm you into a kiss.” He pointed out smugly and you grabbed the collar of his shirt and shook your head. 

“I think I’m the one that charmed you.” You remarked and pulled him down to where your noses brushed. 

“More than you’ll ever know.” He replied softly before he brought another heavenly kiss to your lips.

[starogeorgina]

𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐬

Pairing: Harwin Strong x Targ oc

Warnings: Smut, swearing

4.01

Harwin moans fill the room as you kiss down the side of his neck, his grip on your hips tightening. You pull on his thick curls while grinding against him, silently hoping the old wooden chair he was sitting on doesn’t give way. You untie his breeches, then dip your hand underneath the fabric to feel his cock hardening in your hand.

“Gods,” he pants. “You’ll be the death of me.”

You press your face further into his neck, breathing in his scent. “Has it been so long, husband? I’ve barely touched you, and you’re already calling to the gods.”

Harwin chuckles but quickly starts to moan when you start stroking him. It had been a long time since you’ve found time intimate for many moons, as each passing day seemed to be more chaotic than the last; thankfully, the dust of chaos had begun to settle. His hands move from your waist to the top of the dress to start unlacing it. When your breasts spill out of the bodice, Harwin hisses as you tease the weeping tip of his cock with your thumb. Your breasts were still too sensitive to touch, but he could still look

“Gods.”

Just as you start to speed up your actions, there’s a knock at the door. Both of you groan in annoyance. Quickly, you climb off Harwin’s lap and fix your clothing as he puts his cock back into his pants.

You wait a few seconds, then call out, “Come in.”

Your new handmaiden, lady Annabel from house Darklyn, enters with a sheepish look on her face. “Princess, Ser Harwin,” she greets. “Prince Daemon has asked for you to join him at once in the council room as a matter of urgency.”

“Of course, thank you.” When she lingers by the doorway, it’s obvious she’s holding back on saying something else. Anna was incredibly shy; her mother was hoping her becoming a lady-in-waiting would help bring her out of her shell; you hoped for the same thing. “Is there something else?”

“Yes, I didn’t want to upset princess Rhaenyra any further, but the dragon keepers said they believe the Cannibal has eaten a clutch of Syrax’s egg.”

You give the lady Annabel leave, and when she does, Harwin gently places his arm around your waist and whispers, “A bad omen.”

“We both know my uncle can be theatrical at times; whatever he needs us for may not be that bad.”

“I pray it’s just the prince’s dramatics.”

—

When you and Harwin approach the painted table, Daemon pours two more goblets with wine until they are almost overflowing; he places them down in front of you. You can tell something is wrong as soon as you catch Daemon’s eye. “What is going on?”

“Where are your young prince’s?”

“Aerion is in the dragonpit with Ada, and Vaegon is attending a lesson.” You take a small sip of wine; it had been more than a year since you last tasted it, but you had a feeling you’d need it to take the edge off whatever he was about to say.”

A small smile plays on Daemon’s lips. “How is the princess finding being a dragon rider?”

Ada was beside herself with joy most days; her dragon, Darkling, a dark-scaled, thin dragon that had hatched from one of Nightmare’s eggs, had finally grown large enough for her to mount, but Ada needed to catch up on the histories of dragon-riding before you would allow her to fly any further than the shores of Dragonstone. “She is doing fine.” You place the wine back down. “What did you call us here for, uncle? Where is Rhaenyra?”

“She’s speaking with Luke. Vaemond is petitioning for himself to be made heir to driftmark.”

You feel a wave of nausea; the knock-on effect of this could be devastating. Harwin’s brows pull together, “And by doing so he means to question the legitimacy of Lucerys?”

“And the greens will jump at any chance to support someone who wishes to spread venom about Rhaenyra, no matter how undignified it is.” You lick at your lips, trying to hold back tears of anger. “It doesn’t matter if Rhaenyra’s sons are bastards or legitimate; they will still push to make her seem unworthy to wear my father's crown because of her gender.”

“If the greens loudly question Lucerys parentage, they will do the same with Jacaerys and Joffrey.” Harwin places his warm hand on your back. “Then they will do the same for the twins.”

Lord Corlys had been gravely injured while at sea, leaving Rhaenys in charge of driftmark. You all hoped he would recover from his injuries, but if not, Driftmark would go to Lucerys. “The only person who can speak for Lord Corlys succession is princess Rhaenys, and she won’t back them, not when her only granddaughters, your children, are betrothed with mine and Rhaenyra’s sons.”

“Are you sure?” Daemon scoffs. “She still believes me and Rhaenyra are somehow involved in Laenor’s death.”

Not long after losing Lady Laena, Rhaenys and Corlys lost their only son. The death of your cousin Laenor weighed heavily on you; if you hadn’t suggested sending a dragon rider to the step stones, then he would still be alive. Whenever Jace, Luke, or Joff spoke about missing their father, guilt would begin to consume you. Daemon and Rhaenyra found comfort in one another and married only a few moons after their spouses deaths, causing rumors to circulate they had Laenor killed to be together.

“Then you’ll do well, uncle, to remind her that you didn’t. The consequences of what Vaemond is saying could result in exile or death for my sons and nephews.”

“Princess Rhaenys knows Rhaenyra never hurt him; she’s just looking for someone to blame.” Quietly Harwin says, “I'm worried about the impact this will have on your sister; she’s in no condition to go toe to toe with the greens.”

You shared his worry; after all, Rhaenyra was pregnant with her sixth child. After being married to Daemon, Rhaenyra had given birth to two sons, Aegon and Viserys. This new babe, which she believed to be a girl, would be their eighth in their growing family. And you knew more than anyone how dangerous it is amongst the greens while pregnant. The aftermath of what happened when you lost Rhea still hurt more than any physical wound could, and it was a memory you tried to forget.

Daemon clicks his tongue, “War would happen before Viserys ever let anything happen to any of his grandchildren.”

On that, you could agree, but your father wouldn’t be around forever to protect the peace of his family. “When is all this taking place?”

“Three days.”

Harwin tenses beside you, “Three days isn’t a lot of time. Having the proper amount of time to prepare is definitely in their favor.”

“And I only know because my daughter sent me a raven from Driftmark. I suspect the official message informing us of this will arrive the day before.”

“I will go to king's landing at first light. Hopefully my unexpected arrival will shake the greens. I can speak with my father and try to find out why he’s allowing this.”

“You’re not going alone,” Harwin says sternly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the greens tried to antagonize you, especially if they know you are alone.”

“He’s right, that cunt Cole and his queen will most definitely attempt to rile your inner dragon.” Your uncle switches to High Valyrian, “Be prepared for what they may ask; you aren’t the most convincing of liars.”

Your gaze flickers between him and Harwin, who looks slightly taken aback. “Don’t mention it to the children yet; we’ll let them know after supper.”

—

After everyone had finished eating at dinner, Rhaenyra explained the situation. The younger children didn’t really understand, but Jacaerys looked upset while your own sons looked furious. Ada comforted Lucerys and swore one day she would stand by his side as he ruled over Driftmark.

The knight standing outside your youngest daughter's door nods before opening it for you. “Thank you,” you say quietly before walking in slowly. Your daughter was supposed to be sleeping, but you had a feeling she’d still be awake. “Hello, my sweet.”

Cassandra uncrosses her legs, abandons her toys on the floor, and rushes to her bed. “I was just going to sleep.”

You pick the two dolls up and smile, placing them on the table beside her bed. “After you put Nymeria and Alysanne to bed first, I’m sure,” you brush strands of her dark hair out of her face. “How do you feel about going to King's Landing?”

“I’m not going unless grandsire is going,” she says as a matter of fact.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yes, he needs to come. He can’t stay here alone. I'll stay with him.”

Lord Lyonel remaining on Dragonstone was not only good for Harwin and the children; the former hand of the king was helping Rhaenyra prepare for sitting on the throne one day. He had served greatly on your father’s council, so any advice or insight was valuable.

“Are you looking forward to seeing your other grandsire, my father?”

Cassandra nods, but you could tell how uncertain she was. Unlike her siblings, your sweet girl has grown up catching fevers constantly; she had spent many moons on bed rest, and as a result, she had become shy and nervous around new people and settings.

You kiss her forehead. “We can put your dolls to their bed, but then you need to sleep because you’ll need to be up early in the morrow.”

—

“I can feel you watching me.”

Chuckling, you walk further into your quarters. “I did not wish to disturb you. Is your father going to King's Landing tomorrow?”

“Yes, he is.”

“That’s good, because Cassandra just declared she wasn’t going unless he was.”

“I wonder where she gets it from?”

“Must be you, Harwin; you are very stubborn after all,” you say in jest.

Harwin was extremely fierce, loyal, and loving. Stubbornness was most definitely a trait your children got from you. The smile on his face when he turns to face you warms your heart. “Hmm, well, I cannot be as exciting as you. He fell asleep as soon as I picked him up.”

Baelon, your babe was sleeping soundly in his father's arms. Harwin moves to lay back on the bed; the plump pillows keep him sitting upright as he holds the newborn against his bare chest. Baelon was your only babe who shared any resemblance in appearance to you.

“He finds comfort in his father's arm.”

You kick off your shoes and pull your tights down; feeling the chill in the air hitting your feet was refreshing. You lay on the bed next to Harwin.

“Are you going to fly on Dragonback to the keep?”

“I’m unsure. I’m assuming Aerion and Vaegon will, so Varos may fly beside them without me.” You hadn’t flown on Varos since giving birth six weeks earlier. “I’ll decide in the morrow. Ser Albert and Annabel have retired early, so they have more time to prepare to join us in going to King's Landing.”

“Annabel, your new lady-in-waiting?”

“We can’t bring Cassandra and Baelon to the petition. I’ll need a lady and knight to watch over them, and I don’t want anyone who works in the keep near them.”

Harwin hands the babe to you so he can finish changing his clothing for bed. “Hm, I do hope she’s more sensible than the previous. The last thing we need is history repeating itself.”

“Our son isn’t my brother; he’s not sulking around brothels at ungodly hours of the night and harassing the servants. He was a boy who made a mistake.”

“I never said he was at fault, but I am worried. What happened has made him vulnerable.”

You stroke your baby's cheek gently, being careful not to wake him. It didn’t matter your twins were nearly men's grown; you still thought of them as small babies you wanted to protect from the world. “He won’t. I think he’s far too heartbroken.”

“Does Daemon know?”

“He knows something happened but is unsure what. If he knew, I’m sure the poisonous witch would be dead.”

Fully dressed, he takes the babe back into his arms. Awake, Baelon was either feeding from your breast or crying if wasn’t in your arms. So nighttime was currently the only time Harwin got to hold him for long periods of time.

“I’m still surprised you didn’t unleash Varos on her.”

“If she hadn’t fled, I may have.”

[is-today-tomorrow-in-nz]

Why Nikolai fails as a leader

I made a post about why I cannot accept Alina as a protagonist here. I wanted to continue the trend and do the same with the other members of the Righteous Gang. I will start with Nikolai this time.

This is a long read so, brace yourselves.

Nikolai Lanstov is a character I enjoyed reading very much and he is the only member of the Righteous Gang that I find likeable. He is shown as an inventor, visionary, a lawless pirate and a prince who threw away his cushy life to support his country. LB proposes him as an alternative- the 'good' leader opposed to the 'evil' Darkling. However, as the story progresses, we cannot help but see several parallels between them. Both are clever, have a thirst for power(not for themselves), are patriotic and posses an opportunistic nature.

So what differentiates our 'Good' King from the Dark Lord? The short answer is LB and her plot armour.

In other words, the 'goodness' in Nikolai that is supposed to make him better than the Darkling is never put under trial. Even though, Nikolai as a character has enough traits in him to make him swing easily towards the 'evil side', LB restricts his character to his goodness and devices a plot armour in such way that his morals and ideals are rarely threatened.

Let me point out a few key instances where LB restricts Nikolai's character growth to keep up his clean image:

Nikolai's bid for the throne: Ever since Sturmhond's true identity as Nikolai is revealed, we are shown of his ambition to take over the throne of Ravka. We also see the ground work he had laid since his days as a soldier in the First Army but his plans just stops there. After re-entering Ravka, his only plan is to solely rely on Alina(a fickle person at best) accepting his hand in marriage, kickstarting his campaign for the throne. With the Darkling on the run and the country in shambles, we see no tangible efforts from him even when the situation calls for it He neither strong arms Vasily(or the King) nor does he march in and seize the throne. He does nothing but attend meetings and act as an underling to Vasily. For someone who loves Ravka enough to give up his princehood and live his days as a pirate in the sea, we don't see him doing much to aid the said country when it is in literal chaos.

So how does Nikolai secure the throne?

Answer: The Darkling does it for him.

LB had already established Nikolai as a morally grey character. So why didn't she let Nikolai blackmail his father or brother to position himself in the throne? The country is in shambles and the entire population is looking for a miracle. Marching in with the Sun Summoner, his First Army supporters and seizing the throne is obviously the correct step here and yet we don't see Nikolai doing that or rather LB doesn't let him do that because if she did, then how can she differentiate her hero from the villain?

Nikolai's when faced with the truth about his parents: For once, we are given an excellent opportunity to see how good and righteous Nikolai is. He learns the truth about his dear father, aka the rapist King. He also learns how his mother had been turning a blind eye to his crimes for years. And he, their only remaining son, is placed is in a position to dole out judgement for their crimes.

How does Nikolai punish his family?

Answer: He doesn't.

He shamelessly uses the opportunity to establish himself as the King and sends his parents on a nice, luxury retirement to the colonies. So where did his sense of justice go? How is he the 'good' King when his first instinct is to pardon his kin and not hold them accountable? Isn't that what self-righteous, non-Darklings supposed to do? And the way LB later twists this on the Darkling is laughable. Nikolai literally denies Genya her justice and yet the Darkling is blamed for it. Instead of Nikolai shouldering the responsibility for his actions(by extension his family's), the entire fault is solely placed on the Darkling. What is one more evil deed to his list of crimes, eh Miss LB?

Nikolai on Mal's insubordination. Why does he allow Mal(much later we see it with Zoya too), a literal nobody, to talk and treat him the way he does? He was well within his rights as a prince to demand Mal's blood and yet time and time again he lets Mal walk scot-free? Why? Because he is different? Because he wants Alina to see him in a positive light? To present himself as a better prospect? Because he is a good person at heart that doesn't want to force Alina into something and 'win' her over? So kissing Alina without her consent, in a public event no less, was an act of chivalry?

Answer: Because if he acted, it would make him look as 'bad' as the Darkling. The Darkling would have never accepted insubordination from anyone let alone a nobody tracker from the First Army. He demands respect as any good leader should. Punishment for insubordination is not as 'evil' act as LB perceives it to be. It has been existing since the dawn of time and it exists even in today's modern society. You cannot mouth off figures of authority without consequences. And yet LB cannot have that because Nikolai is not the Darkling. He is different, he is 'good'.

*****

Throughout the trilogy and duology, through several mouth-pieces, LB keeps telling us how much of a good person Nikolai is and yet when presented with an actual moral dilemma, she does not allow him to make a decision that would sully his 'goodness'. So how can we, as readers, call him 'good' when he is never presented with a trolley problem?

LB keeps shooting Nikolai in the knee to keep him from growing. Because if he did, then we would see how he was no different from the Darkling. The 'evilness' of the Darkling stems from the fact that he had to make hard choices since the day he was born. He had taken up an cause that no one before him did and so being 'good' was never an option for him because the only choices he had were preserving his soul or preserving his community. And he chose the latter and this is where Nikolai fails as a leader. Nikolai never had to make a choice of sacrificing a few for the goodness of many. LB swathes him in plot armour after plot armour that by the end of the duology he is almost as virtuous as Virgin Mary.

It's a shame that LB's views of the world are restricted to black and white. Had she understood the nuances of morality, she would not have maimed one of her strong characters.

A good King shows strength, courage and fights for his country. He commands respect from his subordinates and strives to improve the lives of his subjects. A good leader does not hesitate to use any tools at his disposal to get results he needs- diplomacy, violence, threats, warfare etc. A good leader will always puts his people first before his morals and more importantly does not give up his crown to Daenerys Targaryen knock-offs. By making Nikolai's character cling to his cloak of morality, LB makes him look like a people-pleasing child rather than a formidable leader he has the potential to be.

In conclusion, as much as I like Nikolai as a character, I would say Uther Pendragon made a better King to Camelot than Nikolai did to Ravka.

[carnationworld-writings]

I'm just a jealous guy (Aleksander Morozova x fem!reader)

To read my other works, check my MASTERLIST !

Paring: Aleksander Morozova x Grisha!reader

Universe: The Grishavers /Shadow and bone 

Word Count: 1221

Requested: Yes, by my sweet annon.

Warnings: mention of jealousy, shouting someone out, mention death (Luda), making out, a quick mention of sexual activity - it ends before something happened.

If I forgot about anything feel free to write to me. Your wellbeing is important to me!

Summary: The one where he is jealous. 

Aleksander walked through the corridors of Little Palace, trying to find one of his most trusted Grisha, who was also the person who made his heart beat a little faster. He lived for centuries, hiding his identity from people, always hiding his emotions, and always striving to achieve his goals. But then they showed on his path - a person with great power and strong will. A person who always cared for the people they loved and who found a way to parts of his heart that he’d forgotten. Somehow, they’d ended up sitting together into late nights, talking about everything but plans for Grishas’ training or plans for the army. He allowed himself to open up for the first time since he lost Luda, and for the first time, he allowed himself to feel again. He was afraid to call it as it was, but the truth was that he loved them. And they loved him. 

The Darkling walked to the training yard, not minding Grishas, who welcomed him. He quickly knew he was in the right place and finally found them. He first heard their soft laugh and then saw them in the middle of the training yard with Fedyor, surrounded by younger Grishas. He knew that they loved to teach them, and they only showed these kids how to defend themself. But something deep in his mind made him angry at the sight of Fedyor’s hand around them. He watched how he moved his hands to their sides and started to tickle them. They squealed at the feeling and tried to escape from him, laughing loudly. The Darkling watched how close they were and how fondly they looked at each other. The betrayal blossomed in his chest. They gently tapped the Heartrender’s chest, smiling widely. Kirigan couldn’t watch it anymore and turned on his heel, quickly going to his chambers. What he didn’t know, they saw him at the last moment, and they started worrying about his hurried departure. They ended her part of the lesson and asked Fedyor to watch their training when they went after their General. After a few moments, they knocked on the doors of his cabinet. They smiled at the sound of this deep voice telling anyone behind them that he was busy. They dared to open them and snicked in, biting their lower lip. 

“Maybe you’ll find a second for me, General?” They leaned against the door, watching him. They knew that even if he didn’t raise his head from maps, he knew it was them. They smiled at how his black kefta perfectly wrapped his tall body. 

“Make it quick. I have a war to win.” They sighed and came closer to him, gently touching his elbow. When he didn’t change his position, they dared to lean against him, resting their cheek on his arm. They could tell that he was tense, and they hated it.

“I know, handsome, and you’re doing an amazing job. But even you, great General Kirigan, need some rest. And I saw you at the training yard.”

“You saw me?” He said mockingly. “You seemed busy with this Heartrender.” He moved away, taking his arm from their grip, and they looked at him surprised. They laughed breathlessly, standing in front of him.

“With Fedyor? He is only my friend. A very close friend, who was the first one to welcome me here with open arms and who made me feel at home here.” They said with a small smile, which faded when he constantly pretended they were not there. “If you want to accuse me of something, say it aloud rather than shutting me out.” When he heard the sadness in their voice, he stopped moving, and his eyes landed on the war figures in front of him. After a few seconds, he breathed deeply.

“Are they really ‘just a friend’?” He murmured without raising his head. 

“Of course, they are just a friend. If you want to know, Fedyor lately was on a few dates with a person you know very well.”

“With who?” Alexander knew about their love for gossip. With time he discovered that it brought both of them joy, so he started encouraging them to spill a bean about it. He also wanted to be wholly sure that they were only his and that there wasn’t anybody else in their life.

“With your own personal Corporalki.” They couldn’t stop a big smile when he looked at them stunned. 

“With Ivan?” They nodded, carefully watching his face. He started thinking about the latest behaviour of this man. “He was a little strange lately, in fact. Like… Happier.” They couldn’t stop the smile rising on their face, and once again, they tried to slowly touch his forearm. They breathed with relief when he didn’t move away this time. 

“Because they are, both of them. Like I am happy when you are next to me because only our loved one can pull some of the strings in our hearts and make it beat faster in that specific way. So I will say it once again. They are only my friend. It’s YOU who has my heart.” They gently squeezed his arm, and finally, he moved closer to them with a look on his face reserved only for time when they were alone. His hands mindlessly moved to their hips, and in a quick move, he made them sit on the table behind them. They let the squeak leave their throat, making him smile widely at what they started laughing. Their hands slowly moved to rest on his shoulders, and one of them mindlessly started fidgeting with the ends of the hair on his neck. 

“You… You made me happy, you know?” He whispered sheepishly, and they could only smile wider.

“I know. Were you jealous?” They bit her lips to stop grinning, especially when they saw a flush coming into his cheeks. He looked above them, trying to compose himself. Before he could answer, they leaned down and softly kissed his bearded cheek. “Please, don’t deny it. It actually… flatters me, you know? I… I always dreamed of having a person who would care for me enough to do it. Even if there isn’t any reason for that.” 

The Darkling gently squeezed their hips, standing between their legs. His hand moved to their thigh, caressing it gently.

“I do care. Every single look from other men or women is enough to feel jealousy in me. To want to show all of them that you are mine.”

“And I always will be.” They whispered, and General immediately leaned down, kissing them deeply. One of his hands moved to the back of their head, gently moving it to allow him better access while the other kept them close. They moaned into his lips, wrapping one leg around him, wanting to feel every centimetre of his body. They were so lost in each other that they didn’t hear the knock on the door or that somebody had walked in. They were too busy unfastening his kefta to care about anything. Poor Ivan closed the door quicker than he ever opened them. After a moment of shock, Corporalki felt happiness for his General and his friend - even a dark soul like him deserved some light and love in the arms of a trusted person.

Author’s note: Thank you  so much for reading! If it’s not too much trouble, I would love to hear your thoughts about it. Any feedback is greatly appreciated and motivate me to work.

I am sorry about every grammar mistake and misspellings. English is not my first language.

Klaudia  💜

Taglists are always open! If you want to be added fill this up or send me an ask!

[stromuprisahat]

If Zoya is so stupid and useless, why was she chosen as one of the Darkling's main people?

Where?

Because in books, she was strong, yet ordinary Squaller. Perhaps promising, but hardly highly ranking, no matter what she likes to believe.

“You look amazing, Zoya! How are you?” gushed Marie. “We missed you so much!” squealed Nadia. “I missed you, too,” Zoya said. “It’s so good to be back at the Little Palace. You can’t imagine how busy the Darkling’s kept me. But I’m being rude. I don’t think I’ve met your friend.”

Shadow and Bone- Chapter 11

What stings, is that everyone knows it. It shows, when Zoya attacks Alina. If she were SOMEONE by herself, wouldn't at least one person note that?

to Ivan “... Please tell me you were there when he [the Darkling] told Zoya she’d be leaving Os Alta.” “I was.” “And?” I urge as we head down the hill to the birch grove. I’m a greedy thing, but how can I be expected to resist this gossip? Ivan shrugs, scowling. “He just made it clear that she’s replaceable and Starkov isn’t.”

The Tailor

Marie rolled her eyes. “She can’t bear the idea of anyone being the Darkling’s favorite.” I laughed and then winced at the stab of pain in my side. “I’m hardly his favorite.” “Of course you are. Zoya’s powerful, but she’s just another Squaller. You’re the Sun Summoner.”

Shadow and Bone- Chapter 11

She's rash, and to lead or bear considerable amount of responsibility, she'd need to unlearn that, start thinking about others and most importantly about impact of her (in)action. It might be why she was stationed near the Fold. I've theorised about it a few months back- it's the ideal position for her. She's (partly) answerable for the skiff and people on it, but danger comes in predictable form of volcra. It's the perfect place to learn what she's lacking.

She's barely out of school, she lacks experience- why would the Darkling give her important position, when he has hundreds of people to choose from? What's "main" about the person, who's driving a skiff?

Now where did the notion she's the Darkling's super special girl come from?

“Zoya Nazyalensky, who was one of the Darkling’s most favored soldiers.”

Yuri Vedenen; King of Scars- Chapter 9

That's an information coming from religious fanatic, several years after the Darkling's death AND merry application of current regime's propaganda.

Have you ever noticed how there's not a single mention of Ivan post-his death? We don't even know his surname. Aside from him, there's not one (1) named Grisha from his side.

It's easy to be remembered as the favourite, when you erase existence of anyone else.

Even in her memories, she's among the promising ones, yet not favoured, not hand-picked.

“... I was the youngest of the group and so proud to be chosen to go. I was half in love with him already. I lived for the rare moments he appeared at the school.” She shook her head. “I was the best, and I wanted him to see that … The older Grisha were all in contention for the amplifier. It was up to them to track the tigers and see who would earn the right to the kill. ...”

King of Scars- Chapter 27

The interest is one-sided, Zoya draws the Darkling's attention by stealing three amplifiers from other Grisha, her recklessness and short-sightedness, not her capability.

The closest we get to some sort of recognition, is in Aleksander's chapter in RoW, when he points out her deficiencies and admits some of it made her work hard.

And if Zoya ever learned to harness the power she’d been given? She was still vulnerable, still malleable. Her anger made her easy to control. When this war was done and the casualties counted, she might once more be in need of a shepherd. She had been one of his best students and soldiers, her envy and her rage driving her to train and fight harder than any of her peers. And then she’d turned on him.

Rule of Wolves- Chapter 26

I have one (rather big) objection- Zoya has never been a good soldier. She failed twice on rather important occasions- the amplifier and Alina incidents-, proving her self-control is lacking. That rage he's for some reason praising here, makes her dangerous to those peers she's trying to outdo.

But hey- he barely crawled back from the dead, his mental skills won't be at their best- why would he plan to manipulate Zoya without a single mention of Juris? The Saint isn't gonna disappear any time soon (if ever), and he's hardly Aleksander's fan.

[dancingships]

Mal hated Aline’s Powers. DEBUNKED.

Malyen Oretsev may have voiced his concern or fear during hard times but those moments pale in comparison to everything he sacrificed. If he hated Alina’s powers, or her duty to Ravka, he’d have left. He wouldn’t have branded himself Alina’s soldier then sacrificed his life so that she could defeat her enemy. In reality, he was the only one to love Alina for Alina and not for what she could do for them.

Mal awed by Alina’s Powers

He frowned but then he reached out, letting his fingers play in the light, and said, “That’s really something.”

-Shadow & Bone, Ch 18

He shut his eyes and turned his face toward the sunlight that radiated from my hand. Then he tilted his head, resting his cheek against my palm. The light glowed warm against his skin. We stood that way, in silence, until the watch bell rang.

-Siege & Storm, Ch 6

“I didn’t hear anyone laughing,” Mal said. “For someone who has no idea what she’s doing, I’d say you’re managing pretty well.”

-Siege & Storm, Ch 13

“Can you do more with it?” he asked. “No. Just …remnant of what I did in the chapel.” “You mean saving all our lives?” “…It’s just a carnival trick.” “It’s something you took from him,” he said. I didn’t think I imagined the satisfaction in his voice.

-Ruin & Rising Ch 3

“You’re glowing.” He ran a finger down my forearm where the sleeve had ridden up, watching the play of light over my skin, a smile curling his lips.

-Ruin & Rising, Ch5

Mal not being afraid of Alina

While everyone else is afraid to approach her, he steps right up. The first time she was losing control. The second time they didn't know what was happening but the building was shaking. Act now, asks questions later.

The same thing happens in the books too. Mal prevents her from destroying the entire ship after getting the Sea Whip. Then when Alina defeats the Darkling in the chapel and it's crashing down he runs back in to pull her out. And there's a moment in the underground temple where Alina thinks Mal is afraid of her powers but he was more afraid of losing her and didn't want her to have to make a kill. He knows killing another person isn't easy. But he says later he had faith in her.

Mal supporting Alina becoming Queen

“I came here for you. You’re my flag. You’re my nation.”

-Siege and Storm, Ch 18

“I wasn’t afraid of you, Alina. I was afraid of losing you. The girl you were becoming didn’t need me anymore but she is who you were always meant to be. Strong." He looked away. "Luminous. And maybe a little ruthless too… Ravka is broken, Alina…The girl I saw in the chapel could change that."

"Nikolai's a born leader. He knows how to fight. Knows how to politic. But he doesn't know what it is to live without hope. He's never been nothing. Not like you or Genya. Not like me." "He's a good man," I protested. "And he'll be a good king. But he needs you to be a great one."

-Ruin & Rising, Ch 7

“I don’t need any of that. Just…” He dropped Nikolai’s hand and looked away. “Deserve her.”

-Ruin & Rising, Ch11 & Season 2

“And where will you go?” “I’ll stay by your side as long as you let me.” His jaw set. “I’ll do what I have to do to keep you safe.”

“And I’ll keep marching because the firebird is all I can give you.”

-Ruin and Rising, Ch 13

"Because you were meant for more. I'll get you the firebird. That's all I have to offer / We've known for a while now that you were meant for more."

-Shadow & Bone, S2

These last two are so important because it shows that Mal knows they have no future together. Alina needs to become queen and she can't do that if she's with him. A lesser man would just walk away since they won't be getting anything in return. But Mal doesn't. He stays to get her what she needs, the only thing he can give her, before they part ways for good.

Mal believing in Alina

"You will destroy the fold. Just not today."

- Shadow & Bone, S1 Ep 8

"I wanted to make you human,” he said. “All they see when they look at you is the Sun Summoner. They see a threat, another powerful Grisha like the Darkling. I want them to see a daughter or a sister or a friend. I want them to see Alina.”

-Siege & Storm, Ch 16

“How did you know I’d be able to summon?” I asked under my breath. He glanced at me, and a faint grin touched his lips. “Faith.”

-Ruin & Rising, Ch 2

"You could have struck down the Apparat and all his Priestguards, but you didn't." "I wanted to." "But you didn't. You've had plenty of opportunities to be brutal, to be cruel. You've never taken them." "Not yet. The firebird-" He shook his head. "The firebird won't change who you are. You'll still be the girl who took a beating for me when I was the one who broke Ana Kuya's ormolu clock." I groaned, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "And you let me." He laughed. "Of course I did. That woman is terrifying." Then his expression sobered. "You'll still be the girl who was willing to sacrifice her life to save us at the Little Palace, the same girl I just saw back a servant over a king."

-Ruin & Rising, Ch 7

"I know, I know. I don't get it. I just know there's no way to live without pain-no matter how long or short your life is. People let you down. You get hurt and do damage in return. But what the Darkling did to Genya? To Baghra? What he tried to do to you with that collar? That's weakness. That's a man afraid." He peered out at the valley. "I may never be able to understand what it is to live with your power, but I know you're better than that. And they all know it too," he said with a nod back to where the others had gone to make camp. "That's why we're here, fighting beside you. That's why Zoya and Harshaw will whine all night, but tomorrow they'll stay."

-Ruin & Rising, Ch 14

"I know you can do it someday. You'll get there. I just don't want to see it kill you in the process."

-Shadow & Bone, S2 episode 1

"She's worth it, Sir"

-Shadow & Bone, S1 (talking to his captain about going after Alina)

Mal sacrificing for Alina

“The Darkling wants that stag. He wants it for you, so I'll find it. It's the only thing I can still give you. The only thing.”

-Shadow & Bone, S1

For the first time, I realized that Mal had no idea why I’d fled the Little Palace, why the Darkling was searching for me. The last time I’d seen him, I’d essentially ordered him out of my sight, but still he’d left everything behind and come for me.

Shadow & Bone, Ch 16

This time he didn’t blush or turn away. “It’s a promise to be better than I was,” he said. “It’s a vow that if I can’t be anything else to you, at least I can be a weapon in your hand.” He shrugged. “And I guess it’s a reminder that wanting and deserving aren’t the same thing.”

Ruin and Rising, Ch7

“I came here for you. You’re my flag. You’re my nation.”

-Siege and Storm, Ch 18

“Save them. This once, let me carry you.” His gaze locked on mine. “End this,” he said.

-Ruin & Rising, Ch 17

"I'm not afraid. Because I get to save you. And you get to save Ravka."

-Shadow & Bone, S2

"You know I'd lay down my life for you. Alina, you're a living Saint. I might not be enough. You need all the help that Nikolai can offer you."

-Shadow & Bone, S2

Mal Loving Alina

"I wanted to make you human,” he said. “All they see when they look at you is the Sun Summoner. They see a threat, another powerful Grisha like the Darkling. I want them to see a daughter or a sister or a friend. I want them to see Alina.”

-Siege & Storm, Ch 16

He would kiss her neck and whisper new names in her ear: beauty, beloved, cherished, my heart.

-Ruin & Rising, last page

"You are all I ever wanted. You're the whole of my heart."

-Shadow & Bone, S2

Maybe that's why I wrote this letter, Alina. Maybe it's a promise—that I'll survive tomorrow and the day after that, and somehow, no matter what it takes, I'll see you safe again.

What is she? She's everything, you dumb son of a bitch.

Mal’s letters - actually just his entire letter. It really puts into perspective his state of mind when he finds her at the Little Palace.

“Maybe that brought us together, but it didn’t make us who we are. It didn’t make you the girl who could get me to laugh when I had nothing. It sure as hell didn’t make me the idiot who took that for granted. Whatever there is between us, we forged it. It belongs to us.”

-Ruin & Rising

There was something fierce and almost desperate in the way he held me, as if he could not have me close enough.

That time he got himself purposefully sent to jail just to be with her

-Shadow and Bone S2

Because I would always be the first person he turned to when he saw something lovely, and I would do the same. Whether I was a Saint or a queen or the most powerful Grisha who ever lived, I would always turn to him.

-Ruin & Rising

[mama-qwerty]

Little and Broken

This started as a little Shortie for an ask from @wingsofthesun and instead turned into THIS.

(Who is Callie?)

~~~~~~~~~~

Eclipse pressed himself flat against the wall as he peered into the living room. The lightbox (teevee Silver called it) was on, and colorful images flashed across the screen.

Silver and the human woman sat on the couch, with the hedgehog snuggled up close to his mother. Her hands ran absently through his quills, and every now and then he would turn his nose to nuzzle against her side.

At first, Eclipse wasn't interested. They watched that teevee almost every night, sometimes laughing at what they saw, sometimes crying, sometimes cheering. He didn't understand--they were just some sort of transmission. He'd seen similar ones on the Comet--feeds of various planets the Black Arms were studying to destroy more effectively. (Even though they were the strongest warriors in the galaxy, they still didn't want to waste effort and energy in an attack that could be won in a simpler way.)

He didn't get the appeal. Or how they could become so invested and reactionary to the images. It seemed silly.

The darkling had stayed in his little closet, trying to ignore the noise from the other room as he napped. But then, certain bits of dialogue came to him, and his curiosity got the better of him.

"Monstrosity? What you see before you, is the first of a new species. I call it, Experiment 626."

Eclipse's brow furrowed. He poked his head out through the blanket acting as the door to his 'room'.

"He is bulletproof, fireproof, and can think faster than super computer. He can see in the dark, and move objects 3000 times his size. His only instinct, to destroy everything he touches!"

The darkling crawled out from his hidey hole, making his way to the archway between the kitchen and living room. This was sounding interesting. It sounded a lot like him! A creature created to be a fierce warrior! To be strong and capable and formidable and--

"So it IS a monster."

That stopped him in his tracks. Monster? No, he was created to be the best parts of the Black Arms. This, well, whatever it was on the teevee was also created to be strong, to be a warrior. That's not a monster.

Eclipse slid against the wall, being careful to stay out of sight as he watched the events on the screen.

"And as for that abomination, it is the flawed product of a deranged mind. It has no place among us."

"The council has banished you to exile, on a desert asteroid."

That word made Eclipse's heart clench. He wasn't quite sure why he was on this backward mudball of a planet, but he'd always thought it was for some secret mission. Some valuable scouting mission for his father, the great and powerful Black Doom. It's what helped him keep his sanity in those early days.

But late at night, he thought of that word. Banished. And part of him whispered that that's really what happened. He'd failed his father one time too many, and now he was sent away. Banished to die alone on this pathetic planet, full of pathetic humans.

He tried to push that thought away.

On the teevee, Experiment 626 managed to escape. Eclipse watched with wide eyes as the ship he stole headed toward Earth.

~X~X~X~

"This is you. This is your badness level. It's unusually high for someone your size. We have to fix that."

Eclipse wrinkled his muzzle. Experimen--Stitch, wasn't bad. That was how he was created! It was just who he was. Changing him meant making him be a different person. That wasn't fair. That wasn't right.

He didn't like the humans in this transmission. Not at all.

~X~X~X~

"Look at him Lilo, he's obviously mutated from something else. We have to take him back.”

“He was an orphan and we adopted him! What about ohana??”

“He hasn’t been here that long!”

“Neither have I! . . . . Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.”

Silver laughed at this part, pointing to the teevee.

“Look! That’s just like what happened with us when Eclipse came!”

The woman laughed a little, nodding. “Yeah, that’s kinda the gist of it, isn’t it? You were all about keeping him and I, well, needed a little convincing, didn’t I?”

“You were just mad because he bit you.”

“Oh, and that was so unreasonable!”

The two laughed a little more, and Eclipse looked on from his hidden spot near the archway.

The hedgehog was right. That was very similar to how it played out. To be fair, the darkling still wasn’t completely sold on the idea of staying here. His arm was healed, but the weather was getting colder outside. He’d never survive without shelter. And the human had welcomed . . . well, accepted him into her home without any demands for repayment or compensation. Sure, he couldn’t fight or hurt anyone, but that was a small price to pay for warm shelter and a full belly, right?

That word kept repeating through his head, though. Ohana. The older human in the transmission didn’t seem to want to keep Stitch, but the little one was insistent they did. Because of ohana. Family. She saw Stitch as family, even though he caused trouble, and had only been there for a short time.

His eyes wandered to the couch. Silver was like that. He had wanted to help Eclipse from that very first night he’d appeared, trying to snatch food from their trash. And the hedgehog was so happy to have Eclipse here now.

But the woman wasn’t as sold. Just like the one in the transmission. She was more wary of Eclipse. She was more interested in taking care of Silver, like the one in the teevee was all about caring for her sister. They were just the same.

It was strange how similar it was.

~X~X~X~

“This little girl is wasting her time. 626 cannot be taught to ignore its destructive programming.”

“This is interesting. 626 was designed to be a monster, but now, there’s nothing to destroy. You see, I never gave him a greater purpose. What must it be like to have . . . nothing? Not even memories to visit in the middle of the night.”

Eclipse stared at the teevee with wide eyes. Was that . . . was that like him? He had been created as the Black Arms’ greatest weapon. A prince to the most dangerous and destructive race the galaxy has ever known. His entire life, since he was hatched, has been dedicated to fighting, destroying, being stronger and better than everyone and every thing else.

But on this planet, he didn’t have to fight. He didn’t have to destroy. He didn’t have to earn his right to exist, or suffer the consequences of failure.

He was still allowed to stay here, even if he didn’t prove his strength. He was still allowed to eat, without having to fight others for the barest morsel.

But if he didn’t do what he was created for, what did that make him?

The only difference was, Eclipse did have memories. But they weren’t exactly the type he wanted to visit in the middle of the night. Because they hurt. And were scary. And reminded him of just how much of a failure he was.

~X~X~X~

The humans were on the beach. Riding some sort of boards on the waves in the water. They laughed and had fun together. Stitch watched them.

Eclipse watched, too. His gold-on-black eyes flicked to the couch, where Silver and the woman sat. Silver leaned closer, and the woman reached down to pull him closer, wrapping her arms around him tightly. She rested her chin on the top of his head, and a smile curled the hedgehog’s lips.

Stitch reached for the little human. Wanting to be included. Risking a return to his greatest weakness. Just to be part of their family.

The darkling stared.

~X~X~X~

“I hear you cry at night. Do you dream about them? I know that’s why you wreck things, and push me.”

“Our family’s little now, and we don’t have many toys. But, if you want, you could be part of it. You could be our baby, and we could raise you to be good.”

“Ohana means family. And family means nobody gets left behind.”

“But if you wanna leave, you can.”

Anger stirred in the darkling. He hated this transmission. He shouldn’t be wasting his time watching this—he was a weapon, a warrior, and should have been spending every moment training to be stronger. Better. What did this transmission do to help him? Nothing. He should just head back to his closet and rest, so he can get up at first light and restart his training. He’d gone too long without it, and knew his father would have found that disgusting and unacceptable.

He should. It was what his father would want.

But he couldn’t move.

His eyes moved back to the teevee. And he hated himself for being so weak.

~X~X~X~

“L-l-lost.”

“I’m lost.”

Eclipse nearly ran into the room to break the teevee. He hated this. Something was stirring deep within him, and he didn’t know what it was, but it made him angry and sad and scared and his stomach twisted and clenched.

His eyes burned with tears and he grit his teeth to keep them away.

Weapons didn’t cry. Weapons didn’t feel sad or scared. Weapons fought. Weapons won.

The darkling clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from screaming.

~X~X~X~

“Waiting.”

“For what?”

“Family.”

“Aaahh, you don’t have one. I made you.”

“M-maybe I could . . .”

“You’re built to destroy. You can never belong.”

That thing stirring inside Eclipse surged, and he swallowed down tears. Bit back sobs. He never should have started watching this transmission. It did something to him, and he couldn’t stop it, couldn’t control it.

The thought of breaking through the glass door and running off into the night flashed through his mind.

But he couldn’t.

~X~X~X~

A heartbreaking separation. An unlikely alliance. A daring rescue.

Stitch, this little monster, this abomination, this creature who was only created for destruction, became a hero. He found his family. Found his purpose. Found his place.

“This is my family. I found it, all on my own.”

“It’s little, a-and broken. But, still good.”

“Yeah. Still good.”

And now the feelings within Eclipse couldn’t be contained any longer. They churned inside, pushing their way out, whether he wanted them to or not. Tears rolled down his cheeks, soaking his muzzle and dripping onto the floor as he held his head. Sobs barked through his throat, and he scurried back to his closet, curling up with his tail wrapped around him.

Silver and the human appeared, identical looks of worry and shock on their faces.

“What’s wrong??” the hedgehog cried, his hands yanking on one of his long head spikes.

“I dunno.” The woman knelt in the doorway, looking like she wanted to touch him, but hesitant to do so. “Eclipse? What’s going on? Are you hurt?”

Worried. They were worried about him. They heard him crying and came running to make sure he was okay.

Both of them. Even the human.

He squeezed his eyes shut, curling up tighter.

“Go away!”

He wanted to scream it, bellow it, turn and lash out at them. How dare they. How dare they make him feel this way. He wasn’t supposed to feel. He was only supposed to hate. To conquer. He didn’t want to feel like he could relax, and be comfortable, and not worry about being beaten or starved or punished for not doing just the right thing.

Because that was wrong, all wrong. His entire life was about strength and fighting and being better and never, ever, ever disappointing his father, even though he seemed to do it all the time. Even when he tried his best. His best was never, ever, ever good enough.

“Hey,” the woman called, shifting to sit on her ankles. She glanced over at Silver and encouraged him to do the same. “Hey, shhh. Take a deep breath, okay?”

Why should he listen to her? She wasn’t his guardian. His caretaker. His m-mother. She was Silver’s and that’s it. She only cared about him, not Eclipse. She only begrudgingly allowed Eclipse to be in her home, taking care of him only out of obligation, because that’s what Silver wanted. She didn’t want him here. She didn’t care.

“C’mon, deep breath,” she said again, her voice soft and soothing. “Focus on that for me, okay?”

He didn’t want to. Every fiber of his being was screaming at him to just lash out—to slash and bite and punch and kick. He hated these feelings and wanted them gone.

But he found himself pulling a deep breath in, and letting it out slowly, following her lead. She smiled and said soothing words to him, continuing this slow breathing.

After a few more breaths, Eclipse’s tears slowed, and he uncurled, but kept himself in the furthest corner from them.

“Better?” she asked, a little smile on her lips. Eclipse turned away, but nodded once. “Good. Are you hurt?” He hesitated before shaking his head. “Okay, also good. Do you wanna talk about it?” Another head shake, this one more immediate. “Okay, that’s fine. You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable. But both Silver and I are here if you change your mind.”

Eclipse grunted in response. He wouldn’t change his mind. What could he say? The transmission they were watching made him feel things? How stupid. It was stupid.

“How about some ice cream?” Silver asked, flicking his amber eyes between Eclipse and his mother. “That always makes me feel better after I get upset.”

The darkling turned slightly, an eyebrow raised. He wasn’t much for the sweet foods Silver seemed to like, but ice cream was something he could tolerate. Even if it was cold. He gave the hedgehog a little nod.

“That’s an excellent idea, Bug,” the woman said, pushing herself to her feet. “C’mon kiddos. Ice cream makes everything better.”

Silver quickly followed after his mother, a big smile on his lips. Eclipse slowly crawled out of his closet, watching as they gathered bowls and spoons.

This world was nothing like his home on the Black Comet. These people were nothing like the Black Arms’ or Black Doom.

But maybe . . .

Maybe that was okay.

~~~

Like this? Check out my other snippets. Reblogs are appreciated!

[waldensblog]

Reading Ruin and Rising

So I have finished The Grisha Trilogy! Overall, I quite enjoyed the book series after watching the show, and I will continue on to the Six of Crows Duology and then the King of Scars Duology. Below the cut are my thoughts on the final book in the trilogy.

TL;DR:  -I liked how Alina grew more ruthless, really was full fledged. Her ending is tragic. -The Darkling basically won, and was taken down by his weakness: love. Still a Darklina stan, what a tragic romance they had.  -I like Nikolai overall, and his ending is likewise sad, as he now is possessed. Kind of Darkolai ending for him. I like Nikolina too. -Mal isn’t the literal worst the entire time, but I’m not a fan of him still. I think he was not a true amplifier but a curse to whatever Grisha killed him. His happy ending comes at the expense of literally everyone else’s and the good of Ravka. -Story is overall a tragedy. A good tragedy, but a tragedy nonetheless. 

Alina: Although she once again starts in a position of weakness, underground, recovering from the Chapel fight, I found myself loving the start. Alina’s developed into a morally grey and ruthless character, and I love this. She’s stuck with the apparat, but biding her time. 

Her tether scene with the Darkling shows how far she’s come. She reached out to him, which surprised him, and stroke his face, taunted him with their love story - hell yeah, it was a very strong start for me. 

When escaping the apparat, she almost kills (again), but only ends up branding someone. Again, loving this gray and ruthlessness, and all the inner thoughts about how very much like the Darkling she is becoming. 

Alina eventually meets back up with Nikolai and they’re at the Spinning Wheel, where she trains more with Baghra, and gets stronger and stronger. During the escape from the Spinning Wheel, she uses the cut to kill someone, for the first time. She is disgusted with herself in part because yeah splitting someone in 2 would be pretty gorey, but also because of how... easy it was, how good it felt. She knows she’s going down a dark path, and I personally love to see it - because it breaks the hero archetype, giving her more an anti-hero arc.

I’ll discuss the ending itself further below, because I have a lot of thoughts on that, but to keep it brief here: the end of Alina’s story is, to me, tragic. She’s a tragic hero to me. I overall like her character, though I definitely have gripes about her at times, mostly, the Mal addiction. 

The Darkling: My favourite still. The Darkling is to me an anti-villain - he does bad things for the right reasons. In another story, he may have been the anti-hero, not the one Ravka deserves perhaps, but the one Ravka needs (*Batman theme plays*).

The Darkling has basically won by the start of the story. He’s ruling Ravka, he can expand the Fold any way he wants, the King is on the run. He can ensure Grisha safety, stop the wars... he’s won. His weakness is what he always said: wanting, or more specifically: love. 

When his mother jumps off a cliff, it’s because she knows this. She knows he would go after her - try to stop her from dying. Alina feels him try to pull her into the tether afterwards, and can feel his overwhelming grief. She refuses the call, but she knows. And in the Fold, when Alina loses her power - she doesn’t need the tether to feel his grief. Her metaphorical death there was too much for him. It wasn’t only about loneliness, but love. He wanted to rule with her - he wanted to his soulmate by his side. He wanted a partner. He goes about it poorly - having learned cruelty and abuse from his mother, and never breaking the cycle.

It was clear to me that they loved each other deeply as much as they hated the fact. In the tether, when he kisses her neck as she’s against him, the attraction, the pull, is very strong. At the end, she’s crying as he dies, and he just looks at her and is happy to know at least someone will mourn him - that he was loved. 

I absolutely lose my mind about the fact that his body was burned alongside Ruby’s-disguised-to-look-like-Alina’s, because that was absolutely not for Ruby - who probably would not like that - it was not for him - because he probably wouldn’t like that either (though would be happy she respected his wish to burn the body) - it was certainly not for Ravka, who complained about it - this was for Alina. Alina asked for a Grisha effigy of herself to burn next to him. Her metaphorical funeral. Side by side. The immortal rulers of Ravka that could have been. As she watches this, she whispers his name in a sob. Dear.God. what a tragic lovers-to-enemies romance this is. I do wish there were more tether scenes, but I loved the ones we did get. 

Nikolai: Nikolai starts on the run, and without tether scenes, we don’t get to see him for quite a while. When he finally does show up, I cheer. Yey! Our pirate prince is back! I loved all the scenes with Alina, and found their chemistry intriguing. I do feel that they could have been happy together, King and Queen of Ravka - a Grisha Queen which may have helped bridge the gap between Grisha and otkazat'sya, even leading to a Grisha king if they had a son. Certainly, that’s what both Siege and Storm and Ruin and Rising were saying was supposed to happen. I would have accepted this end, even if it wouldn’t have been my favourite, because it would be a bit status quo-y. As good a King as Nikolai may be - a great one with Alina at his side, he is still ultimately a monarch, and a mortal man. His descendants may not been as good - we could hope, if they’re Grisha, that they would be. He would have died as Alina remained ageless, so this would still have a tragic end for her. I like Nikolina, but it’s still a second choice to me after Darklina.  I did have a pretty big gripe about Nikolai at the Spinning Wheel though: when it came to Genya. Sure, it’s great that he took her side, but his punishment to his father is so... what a slap on the wrist. Oh you abused this woman, well off to a warm retirement you go, I’m the King now, dad! To me, the fact that he didn’t stand trial kind of tells me the nobility will always get away with more under his rule than peasants would. He may not be the Worst, he may be a good and great king - but at the end of the day... a monarchy is still a monarchy. 

The Darkolai vibes here were great - fucked, but great. The Darkling saw Nikolai at the spinning wheel, Mal too - and could have a) killed one or both, b) infect them with nichevo’ya. He specifically targeted Nikolai for option b - instead of killing the King, instead of killing Mal or infecting him. Why? Jealousy because Alina showed interest in him? Because he never saw him during tether scenes and therefore knows Alina does have genuine feelings for him? Or because... secret option C? I mean the tendrils down the throat is bit... not-hetero. They both ultimately want the same things, and in another story, another life, they may have been allies. At the end, Nikolai is still ultimately scarred, and the shadow demon-ness is not gone. A part of the Darkling lives on inside Nikolai’s body, so we... sort of have a Darkolai ending, don’t we? 

The Darknikolina-ness of no tether scenes when she’s with Nikolai, the shadow demon and emerald ring, trying to cure via her light, the tendrils down the throat. My god. I am still on about this, yes. Imagine the possibilities... 

Mal:  Mal was not the literal worst in this book like he was in Siege and Storm. He’s finally gotten past being a drunk, angry, asshole, and now sees himself as a tool in a war. I’m glad he’s had some development, and that he’s accepted a position as not-Alina’s-lover. I find his tracker abilities absurd at times - what the hell do you mean he can target a beetle and shoot it to make a bomb explode?! WHAT? What in the world does that have to do with his being the firebird anyway?  On that note, I posted this elsewhere, but I have a theory that Morozova’s third amplifier - the firebird - Morozova’s daughter and her bloodline, so Mal - is actually not a true amplifier, but a curse. Any grisha that dared kill the firebird would lose their powers, and a bunch of nearby otkazat'sya would get them. Kind of a monkey’s paw situation (you want power? wish granted - they get the amplified power, not you). Not that Mal would know that. I also think that this curse is partially why Alina was so drawn to him. It’s a bit tragic really - they think it’s a sincere affection, but it’s really the amplifier, a trap, pulling her in, luring her. It’s unfortunately dismissed immediately by Mal when Alina brings it up - what if everything between them was just the amplifier? I personally think it was. I also maintain that he was very much a drug for her. He wanted to carve out her power, and in the end, he basically did. She goes back to being “useless” Alina, and unhappily staring out a window, longing for her powers. Once again, Alina tries to tell us she is happy - despite the evidence suggesting otherwise. 

The ending: I’ve already touched on the ending above a fair bit, but to summarize, I interpret the ending as a tragedy. Alina is a tragic hero - she tries to make things better, but she didn’t fix Ravka, there are still wars, and people still hate grisha. She loses her powers in the process, dying a metaphorical death and burning herself alongside her soulmate who she killed - our anti-villain, the Darkling. Nikolai is scarred, possessed, and left to rule alone, as Alina removes herself from society, sadly looking out the windows at the sunlight and wishing she had her powers, as Mal - the only happy one at the end has succeeded in keeping her weak. I know many hate the ending - I don’t, but it’s because I view it as a tragedy. 

[lynsstrange]

six of crows winter guard headcannons!

okay so this is sort of obscure and a lot of people might not understand it (unless you're both a grishaverse fan and happen to do color/winter guard, in which case, can we be friends?) but this is a personal fun thing for me as a guard member so yeah <3

Kaz: He only does rifle line, and a bit of sabre. his sleight of hand/arm strength is very useful for it. he doesn't do flagline. hates it. can you imagine kaz brekker spinning a flag? yeah, neither can i. he's the type of person who learns dropspins on rifle, watches someone do a five, goes "like this?" and tosses it perfectly. (believe me, there's a girl on my team like this.)

Inej: Team captain. does flag and sabre, as well as some rifle, but doesn't like it as much. sabre and flag are just more graceful and fluid, like she is. needless to say, she's awesome at everything. Being a literal acrobat, too, she excels at dance more than anyone else on the team. Big stunts and dance solos are often incorporated just for her, because she's so captivating and elegant in the way she moves.

Jesper: being hyper-adhd and unable to sit still, he's constantly trying new things and wanting to learn every piece of equipment he can. he even does a bit of baton on the side. he's kind of a wild card, and there's not one particular thing he excels at. i think rifle would secretly be his favorite, though, because gun. he is really great at super high tosses, and likes to show off to wylan. "did you know i can toss a fourteen on rifle?" "that's not physically possible, jesper." "uh, yeah, i know it is, because i can do it."

Wylan: he plays flute in marching band during marching season, and he only really joined winter guard because Jesper was doing it and asked him to do it with him. so he sticks to flagline, but is working on weapons on the side. he works a lot on the production of the show, too. He writes some of his own original music for it and mixes all the audio/sound effects.

Matthias: i have a little headcannon that he plays snare drum in marching band, and, like Wylan, only joined after copious begging from Nina. he won't admit it, but he actually kind of likes it. rifle, that is. he isn't a big fan of flag, but being big and strong, he's able to do really impressive tosses on both pieces of equipment. doesn't do sabre. it's too tiny and light for him, he hates it.

Nina: steals the show performance-wise, she gets really into roles, especially dramatic ones. often gets the team more points just because of her standout performance abilities. big dance and flag girl. she does some weapon line, but much prefers flag, and always gets assigned impressive solos on it. she also helps with costume and set design, and always brings flare to shows. is a big team motivator, comes up with all the traditions and team parties.

other mix-matched in-universe headcannons:

Per Haskell is their very uninvested, uninvolved band director

Pekka Rollins is their rival school's guard coach that Kaz hates with a burning passion

Kuwei is a Shu exchange student that tried winter guard for a season. After some mysterious incident with jesper and wylan, however, he decided it wasn't for him.

Alina, Zoya, Tamar, Tolya, Genya, and Nikolai are all alumni that did winter guard. The Darkling was their toxic team captain that got kicked off. Zoya and Genya came back to help coach for a season, but Zoya couldn't stand Kaz.

Wellll that's it for now. If you've read through all of this somehow, thank you so much <33333

[aleksanderscult]

Part 2 of Aleksander Morozova being a jealous bitch

So. We already covered most of the Darkling's jealous moments from "Shadow and Bone" (hehehe, it was fun) and now this is the rest. I had so much fun doing these as well.

(Here's part 1, part 3, part 4, part 5 and the bonus content in case someone missed them)

Grab your popcorn people and let's dive in! 🍿

It's not a jealous moment, I know 😭 (Actually it's the result of it). But he's so emotionally done and drained he needs a therapist ASAP. Our boy has turned to drinking to deal with the pain of Alina abandoning him, no longer loving him, loving someone else AND most importantly one of his greatest dreams (finding the stag, giving the colar to Alina and using it to enter and control the Fold) is no longer a victory. He's not celebrating anything. He just stands there sulking with a bottle of kvas beside him. He wanted her to be on his side willingly. To do this together. And now his dream, his long-awaited victory went puff.

Oh! By the way, he's not drunk here. Leigh has confirmed it and her explanation makes sense:

Again. Not exactly a jealousy scene but it would be foolish to leave it aside.

He is so good at reading people. But also he tries so hard here to make her talk to him. He's like "Speak to me. Start talking". He brought her all the way to his tent where he's having an emotional breakdown (he could have hidden this part of himself, this vulnerable and broken scene of him, but he lets her see him this way) to make her explain to him why she did what she did. Why did she run? Why did she believe Baghra that everything was a lie (even his feelings for her)? Did she stop to think what her loss, her abandonment would mean for him (I love that last line of his and I'm gonna make a post about it in the future)? And he's using an obvious threat towards Mal's life to make her talk. He knows Mal is the only thing that can arouse her attention to him. Boy, isn't he desperate for her attention. Her explanations.

I CAN'T 😭

He's so like: "I gave you power, strength, encouraged you and supported you and you chose a freaking tRaCkEr??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??"

"... keep house for your tracker." HE'S SO SARCASTIC PLEASE-

Also, he seems genuinely surprised at the lengths Alina would go for Mal. She's willing to see him exiled from Ravka if that means that she can join him too.

Literally the Darkling with Alina's way of thinking here:

First of all, he's right.

Second of all, he literally doesn't give two fucks about Mal 😭😭

(Again the scorn and sarcasm here😚👌)

For him, he's worthless, unworthy of attention, another passing otkazat'sya but he's still important to Alina (a huge fucking inconvenience in other words).

Btw, is it me or does he sound a little hurt, a little annoyed that Alina doesn't care that he betrayed him? And that she only cares for Mal? And not for him. Just for Mal.🙃 Like "you don't even care how I feel about it. The only thoughts you have are about him (okay gonna shut up now).

AGAIN, he tries to force her to talk to him. He is losing control of his emotions, the whole betrayal and jealousy situation makes him crazy and that's why here he tries to regain control. Do you remember what Leigh said before? That the Darkling doesn't like being out of control? Yep! We see it here, clear as day. He hates it. And he seems desperate to regain it. So he makes her beg.

(and the fury he has and lets out through a painful grip. He is INCAPABLE of tolerating the reality that Alina loves Mal more than him.)

Also, are you really sure you want to know how much she loves him, Aleks boy?? 'Cause I think the honest answer would make you drink five more bottles of kvas😭

The fact that he wants to make sure that she will witness his death.

It gives such strong vibes of "I'll kill that asshole and I want you to be there to see it".

I mean he definitely does it 'cause he's a traitor and deserter but there's also so much bottled resentment. He could have hanged him, shoot him in a corner or stab him and that would be the end of that. But no, he has a special punishment for him 'cause there are personal feelings here. A punishment that Alina must witness.

Dark jealousy here indeed.

So here's part two of Aleksander being done with Mal, Alina, his feral feelings and the world. On part three I'll analyse his salty "Siege and Storm" moments (some of the most iconic lie there).

[black-rose-writings]

Ruins of Faith - Grishaverse fanfiction

Also available on AO3

The night – or what passed for it at this time of the year – was not quite over, but the Palaces were buzzing with life.

Genya stepped over the metal construction the Nichevo’ya had knocked from the roof.

She felt her heart sink when she recognized David’s style in the design.

Please, be okay.

She knew the Darkling focused his attack on the main palace, but she worried David might have tried playing hero.

“Impressive build.” her companion, a Suli woman who looked Genya’s own age, despite having been the leader of Grisha forces on the Shu border long before Genya had been born. The other Grisha had called her Karina. The Darkling had referred to her as Marya. “Your boy’s work?”

“Looks like it.”

“If it wasn’t aimed at us, I’d like to see it at work.” Karina chuckled. “I’m sure he’ll turn up.”

“Right.” Genya nodded and followed the Fabricator to the ruins of the Little Palace chapel.

Ruins felt like a strong word, if Genya was honest with herself. Pile of stones and dust.

“There’s no way anyone survived that.” Genya looked at Karina with worry on her face.

“He’s a lot tougher than he looks.” Karina assured her, stretching. “Give me a bit of space.”

Genya wanted to protest there was no way the Durast would be able to clear the rubble by herself, not in a timely manner, anyway, but she remained quiet.

Karina’s confidence left no room for questions.

Karina looked almost bored as she went through her motions. One by one, the stones rose up and moved to the side.

Genya held her breath.

Finally, the stones revealed a figure dressed in a black kefta, though it looks more gray than black under the layers of dust.

He was undoubtedly still breathing.

Genya rushed to his side, rolling him over on his back, revealing a second figure beneath him.

Alina.

Her hair as white as fresh snow, despite much of her being shielded from the dust.

They were both death-pale, breathing shallowly, but breathing none-the-less.

Genya knew it would probably be better to wait for a Healer, but she didn’t want to wait. She slipped one hand through a cut in the Darkling’s sleeve and used her amplified abilities to bring him to consciousness.

He grabbed her wrist and forced it away from his body before he even opened his eyes.

He let go, when he saw her.

“I’m sorry…” she breathed. “I was worried.”

He didn’t say anything, just closed his eyes again and breathed deeply.

“Do you need a Healer? I’ll go find someone…”

“They protected us. I’m just tired.” he replied, propping himself up a little.

“I found another one!” Karina shouted.

He turned to look in her direction, but almost instantly laid down again. “Go look.” he directed Genya.

She stood up, stepped over Alina and went to look at the final dust-covered figure.

“The tracker. Of course.” Genya sighed. He seemed alive, though barely.

“She’s not going to be very happy about that.” Darkling chuckled, already sitting again.

“You look like death, Sasha.” Karina said, stepping closer to him. “Go get some sleep. We can handle the clearing.”

She offered him her hand and helped him stand up.

He looked to Genya.

“Makes sure these two are taken care of. Same rules as on Volkvolny.”

“Both of them to the cells?” Genya asked.

“Him. Take her back to her suite.”

Genya raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

He headed to the Palace and Genya looked curiously at Karina.

“Sasha?” she chuckled.

“Forget about it.” Karina shook her head.

“I’m not sure which is more impressive. That you know his name, or that you talked to him like he was a kid and he didn’t even protest.”

“Let’s just say we’re old friends.” Karina smirked. “You know your task. And I have some cleaning to do.”

(For context, Karina is indeed Sankta Marya, all grown up and helping Aleksander. In this version, she is about Baghra's age and has been doing her best to protect the persecuted (and later primarily Grisha) since she was young, primarily by creating shelters for them (Second Ravka, aka the vast system of tunnel that includes the White Cathedral, may or may not be largely her work). I will go into her backstory/motivations more at some point, because she's one of the more defined allies I've chosen to give to Sasha.)

[oneofthosebooknerds]

5 words challenge

My friend gave me 5 words to write something with. This is what came out of it, enjoy!

The trees flashed by in a brow haze. It wasn’t far anymore, I could almost see the end of the forest. I tripped over a tree root. I tried to find my balance, which took me a few precious seconds. I looked over my shoulder and wish I haven’t done so. In a glimpse I could see my pursuer, awfully close by. I started to run faster, if that was even possible. I was tired. I had spilled a lot of energy to fighting, but even I couldn’t stand that much alone. I had tried to fire them off, but it were to many. If I could reach the end of the forest I would be safe.

I had heard old stories about them. They told about some folk who was banned to the deepest parts of the woods.  Therefore they were called ‘Keepers of the forest’ or just ‘Woodlings’. They say that the folk had lived so long with the trees and the nature, they sometimes became part of it. Others say they are brooding on revenge ever since. And that one day they will try to come back and take over the lands. But these stories were old stories. I didn’t believe them. Well, until now.

I started to feel numb in my legs. My messy, dark brown hair stuck to my neck because of the sweat. My hands were covered in blood, but I couldn’t recognize if it was mine or not. I remembered what my grandmother used to say: “My little boy, one day your hands will be strong enough to carry everything you want.”

“Even the world?”: I used to ask, my eyes big of admiration.

“Even the world. But only if you believe it, and never give up.” She used to stroke over my hair, while I was telling her about all the things I would do when I grew up. I would be just like her. Adventurous, and always standing up for what was right. It was one of the last things she said to me.

I could now clearly see the end of the forest, and I started to feel hope. Maybe I could make it. Just a little bit further. Unfortunately, luck wasn’t on my side. I felt something grab my hood, and they pushed me on the ground. I tried to get away, but they had already pinned me on the ground. One knee on my chest and their hands on my arms. I hissed as they touched a wound of mine, but I didn’t dare to ask for help. I looked up at who was holding me, and my breath got stuck in my throat. His face was covered in blood too, but I couldn’t make up if it was his or not. He had beautiful green eyes, with brown and golden sparks in them. They matched with his mid-length light brown hair that was hanging over me. He looked confused, as if I was not what he expected to see.

“You are no Woodling, nor a Darkling, are you?” His voice was nothing as I expected it to be. It was soft and caring, but mysterious too. As if you had to be careful, because when you had too much, it would kill you.

“A- a what?” I had never heard of Darklings before, and I had no idea what it was. He studied my face, and I felt my cheeks turning red. He still hold me tight, so there was nothing I could do.

“A darkling. The ones that make the trees and the bushes go sick. The weed and the herbs, and everything in between. They make the animals disappear.” I slowly shook my head and I tried to understand what he just had said.

“There is something that makes the forest sick?”

“Someone, not something” He slowly let go of me, and I tried to sit up. My arm still hurt of the wound I got whilst fighting, and the extra pressure he had put upon it. I rubbed it slowly while I followed him with my eyes. He looked back at me, still a bit confused.“ You’re a Manling, a human, the kind that lives out of the woods. What are you doing here? Why were you fighting with the Darklings?”

“The Darklings? I thought that were the Keepers of the forest! Or the Woodlings as you like to call it. And it is none of your business, honestly.” He huffed:

“Of course it’s my business. Everything that happens between the trees is my business.”: He said, while crossing his arms. “And yes those were Darklings you fought with, although I can understand you don’t see the difference with those human eyes.” I opened my mouth to say something, but wisely closed it again. If this was a Keeper of the forest, I’d better not mess with him. I tried to stand up, and just when I stood back on my feet, a horn played in the distance. The Woodling immediately looked up to were the sound came from. He slowly turned his head back to me, and I could see worry in his eyes. Without a word I knew what it was. Who it was. The forest was in danger.

-Kato O.

[yesimwriting]

To Be Alone

VAGUE SPOILER WARNING FOR SHADOW AND BONE BOOK SERIES-- I try hard not to mention why the Darkling/General Kirigan is the bad guy so that I don’t spoil anything,, but the reader finds out that he lies about his identity and that he’s super sketchy/not a good guy (again,, I avoided as many specifics as possible to keep it from being spoiler-y)

Warnings: lowkey manipulation, kissing/makeout, slight fingering

A/n y’all drove me to this lol,, pls be nice!! This is the closest to full on smut I’ve ever written!! Ahh I’m lowkey scared to post

Summary: the reader finds out something about the Darkling/General Kirigan, he finds a way to convince her to stay 

--

No amount of evidence will ever be enough to convince me fully. A part of me will always hold onto unjustifiable doubt because a part of me hopes that if I hold onto the lies tight enough they’ll turn into the truth. But that’s not how the world works. 

General Kirigan. Ravka put its faith in him. I put my faith in him. I did more than that. I pushed aside my reservations and doubt in order to try and comfort him when he spoke of loneliness. Was all that a lie as well? 

No. I can’t afford to think of the emotional side of it all, because if I do I may find myself incapable of moving from this spot. I don’t have time to reflect on it all, to try and unravel hopeful lies and manipulative truths. That can be done when I’m not here. If I stay here, he’ll know I know and he’ll stop me from...what? What am I supposed to do next? I could find someone with some level of power to warn. 

“There you are.” Kirigan. I’m turned towards the window, not facing him, but there is no weariness or malice in his voice. He has no reason to suspect my suspicion. “Are you unwell?” 

Calm. I need to pass as calm. Not turning, I force myself to ignore the endearing hint of concern in his voice. “No.” I can hear his measured footsteps. “Why would you think that?” 

“I haven’t seen you all day,” he’s directly behind me now. If I turn, I’ll practically be against his chest. “And you didn’t come see me last night.” 

Oh. I knew it was a mistake to begin to pull on such a small thread so close to when he expected to see me, but it kept gnawing on me. That doubt. That tiny thing I couldn’t ever let go off. “I fell asleep.” No--I cringe at my impulsive response. He knows how difficult it is for me to fall asleep. “Yesterday was just really...draining.” 

In an easy movement, he places his hand on my shoulder. It’s a silent request for me to turn. Exhaling, I obey. Why? I could lie to myself and say that I’m listening to him in order to kill his suspicions, but the effect he has on me is undeniable. Even before touching each other became a casual thing on his part, my body wanted to react to him. 

He’s quick to cup my face, tilting my chin up slightly so that I can’t avoid his gaze. “What troubles you, little dove?” A nickname for when he’s feeling particularly gentle. Thoughts of the evil he has to be twist my stomach as my face flushes. Kirigan’s thumb brushes over the corner of my bottom lip, stalling as I fight the urge to melt into the contact. I meet his tense gaze cautiously. “You said nothing could make you look at me differently.” No. There’s no way he figured out my change with one look alone. I’ll deny it. I’ll do what I need to do to be convincing, and then I’ll manage to escape. His grip on my shoulder tightens. “Don’t you dare lie to me again.” 

The urge to snap and point out the sick irony of him telling me not to lie at him almost forces me to break. His gaze starts to shift away from me--towards the half packed escape bag I’d been in the middle of constructing. I stretch my arms forward, desperate to keep his gaze on me and away from what I can’t explain. 

Kirigan’s free hand moves to pull my hand off of his cheek, but he pauses, eyes shutting in peaceful contentment. “What do you know?” 

I expected his words to be angry, to border on violent...but he just sounds tired. Please, Saints, let me be wrong. “Is there anything to know?” The only reaction I get is the slightest stall of his breathing. “You said you didn’t want to be alone anymo--” 

“I don’t.” The harshness of his words almost coax a small flinch from me. 

Swallowing back the knot in my stomach, I exhale slowly. “A part of not being alone is being honest.” 

His eyes finally open. I don’t dare move as he moves my hand off of his cheek so that he can brush his lips against my knuckles. I suppress an embarrassing shudder. “You wouldn’t have stayed--if you knew you wouldn’t ha--” 

No denial. I can’t--I can’t do this. “You know what the worst part is?” I can’t believe I’m about to say this. I can’t believe it’s true. “I might have.” Those words break something in me as I force myself away from him. The lack of contact leaves me more frozen than ever. “I might have! I might have been able to bear all the monstrous things you’ve done if you had just--” 

“What?!” He meets my outburst with one of equal power. “You might have stayed regardless?” The way he scoffs leaves me feeling like a wandering child. “You might have still looked at me like I hung the stars in the sky instead of like I’m the darkness they fight against?” I stay silent as he steps forward, quick to hold my chin in place with his long fingers. “I couldn’t risk you on possibility.” Kirigan’s gaze is so intense, a part of me is surprised that shadows don’t come at me--drowning me in darkness and him. “And don’t think me foolish enough to believe that someone like you would understand that I have to do what I’m doing--” 

“Have to?” No--how did I almost let him lure me back in so easily. I pull myself away, approaching my open wardrobe. “That’s not past tense.” He’s still--he’s still actively hurting people. Why had I been so stupidly naive to think that maybe this was all history? “I--I can’t do this.” 

Each step towards the exit of the room chips away at a piece of my soul. “You’re not walking away from me,” his strong grip is on my arm in a sharp instinct, “I won’t--I can’t be alone again.” 

I swallow back the lump of emotion in my throat. “You already are.” 

His eyes are pleading, pools of frightened adoration. “No--no,” he steps towards me, not releasing his grip on my arm, “You’re hurt that I lied, but now I’ll never have to lie to you again.” I push against his grip. Kirigan doesn’t release me. “Y/n,” my name is a lament from his lips, “Please.” 

My eyes round out as my heart leaps into my chest. “I used to think that you were only touched by the darkness, but now I’m not sure you can tell where the darkness ends and you begin.” His grip just barely falters. Maybe it’s acceptance. 

I shift weakly, a softer attempt to escape. His grip tightens even more than before as he tugs me forward. The reminder of his physical strength leaves me frozen in shock. I can’t read his expression, but something about him has darkened. When I don’t pull away again, his thumb brushes up and down my forearm. The silkiness of his touch is warm temptation. I inhale slowly as he moves his other arm in order to touch my shoulder. The contact is almost shy. 

“Kirigan,” my voice betrays me, breaking as his fingers trace down my collar, “What--what are you doing?” 

He tilts his head, taking in the way his touch rids my body of fight. “Nothing, really.” His voice is low, supple in its assuredness. “You’re the only person who has ever seen me--and for you to leave me after that.” 

“No,” I try to step back, but my body freezes as he toys with the collar of my dress, “What I saw--what I found out--that wasn’t you.” 

“It’s who I have to make myself be,” he whispers, “I’m doing what needs to be done.” 

“That logic can earn you a lot,” my words are careful, “But it cannot earn you me.” 

His hand brushes past my neck, finding the root of my hair. Kirigan pulls on it slightly, forcing me to expose my lower jaw and neck. I’m still as he leans forward, warm breath fanning across my skin. I fight against a shiver in vain as his lips brush down my skin, only stopping as he nips the base of my neck. I can’t help the small sound of surprise that escapes me. 

“Are you sure about that?” Blood rushes to my face, motivated by both embarrassment and something else. “Little dove, don’t ruin us.” His touch is warm, but his words leave me with an uncomfortable chill. In an attempt to escape the coldness, I half-press myself into the trail of soft and desperate kisses he’s leaving down my neck.

Kirigan pauses, exhaling slowly, and I feel some mental strength return to me. “There can’t be an us--not like this.” 

“Y/n.” He never uses my name. “You are the only light I know.” His words steal something from me as he pulls away enough to look me in the eyes. “I can’t handle the weight of solitude anymore--it’s worse than the dark.”

 I am unflinching, watching him with a markman’s care. Kirigan takes my silence as a positive. I don’t move as his gaze drops to my lips before he presses his own together. I don’t move as he destroys the distance between us like it’s some type of unbearable weight. His lips meet mine with enough force to bruise my face. The surprise of it gives him the chance to coax my lips into parting as his hands move to either side of my face. My body reacts without my permission, letting him deepen the kiss. Every time I find some kind of free will, Kirigan pushes it away with some kind of tactful lull of his tongue. Keeping his control, Kirigan ends the kiss by grazing sharp teeth against my bottom lip. 

I’m left panting. “You’re--you lied, Kirigan--I--” 

“You told me once you could never see me as a monster.”

“I said that to a version of you that technically doesn’t exist.” 

The grief in my chest and desire in my stomach twist in a nauseating way. Kirigan’s eyes watch me patiently, a pain similar to my own reflected in them. “Who I am when I’m with you is less fictitious than any identity I’ve ever given myself.”

The vulnerability in his voice is as alluring and distracting as the kiss. I find myself thinking of the warmth of his mouth against my skin. He had kissed me like the cure for ancient solitude could come from me. I think he had a point, because now that he’s not touching me in that way I feel the familiar tugs of cold emptiness. 

“I don’t understa--” My words are cut off by his lips brushing against mine. 

His touch is soft, but it’s far from shy as he draws out the kiss. It’s an attempt to keep me on edge, to keep me wanting him enough to push past my doubts. “Y/n,” there’s a reverent quality to his voice, “I--” Kirigan grabs the collar of my dress, pulling me to him sharply. His kiss conveys things that neither of us truly understand. “Don’t go.” 

I don’t want to. The realization is a cruel wave crashing against my chest. “You lie to everyone, you lie to me--you--you hurt and destroy and I--” One of his hands brushes against the hem of my dress. “What are you,” the words are supposed to be sharp, but my resolve melts as his hand presses firmly against my thigh, “Doing?” 

“You know me,” he draws out each word as his fingers graze towards the inside of my thighs. The cool metal of his rings are practically ice against my flushed skin. “Little dove, trust me.” 

My nails dig into my palms as I try to ignore what he’s doing. “I did and you betrayed me.” 

“I couldn’t lose you,” he whispers, thumb inching up my inner thigh.

I press my lips together, fighting against a natural reaction. “You did lose me.” 

Kirigan’s eyes darken as his grip on my thigh tightens. “We’ll move past this.” He’s both pleading and assured. “I think I know how to make it up to you.” He trails his hand up my thigh swiftly, stopping with his hand on my lower hip. Shamelessly, he toys with the hem of my underwear. “The only thing that’s really changed is that now I’m touching you like this.” 

The only thing I can do is gape at him. He’s a villain, his hands are coated in unnecessarily spilled blood, and I am helpless against his slightest touch. I should try pushing him away or at the very least resist his blatant advantages. His fingers brush down my underwear, stopping at a growing wet spot. The knowing look he gives me burns my core. I try to keep my expression hard in a final form of protest, but when he presses his pointer finger against me all the resolve in me is shattered. 

My eyebrows draw together as a small sound escapes me, “Kirigan.” I can’t tell if it’s praise or a warning. 

He pauses, hand retracting slightly at my whining. “Y/n,” his other hand cups my cheek. I lean into the contact without permission from my body. “There is only one name that I have not given myself and only one name I want to hear you breathe like that.” His thumb traces my lips softly. I don’t move as he leans forward, turning his lips towards my ear. 

“Aleksander.” His name is nothing more than a breath, a stolen heartbeat on his lips. 

He presses his fingers against where I’m the weakest again. My hips grind forward instinctually, desperate for more contact as he kisses the top of my jaw. 

“Aleksander.” The name escapes me in the form of a broken moan. Speaking it feels more intimate than the way he’s touching me. 

There’s the slightest pause in his consuming actions. “Again,” he breathes, “Say my name again.” His request is so soft it feels like he’s more at my mercy than I am at his. 

My eyes shut as his teeth graze my neck. “Aleksander.” At the sound of his name, his teeth brush against my skin harder than ever. 

When he starts to pull away, I reach out desperately, grabbing his kefta. “I thought you wanted to leave, little dove.” 

No. No. He is not going to get me to agree to stay by giving me something as intimate as his original name and by denying me his touch. “Please.” 

He reaches for my hand, pulling it off of him cruelly. “Do you want to stay with me?” 

I know which answer will get me what I really want, but I’m not sure which answer is true. Do I want to stay with him? Even after knowing what he’s done? “I don’t want to leave you.” The vulnerability of the statement cracks at my heart. He turns away from me in order to face the wall. I take a tentative step towards. “But I’m not sure what I want matters.” 

In one quick motion, he’s yanking more forward and pressing me into the wall. “Of course desire matters,” his body is pressed against mine almost entirely, “It means something.” He brushes his knuckles against my cheek. “It means you could choose me.” 

What could I say to that? I part my lips to speak but he silences me by pressing his lips against my jaw. I offer no protest as he starts touching me the way he did earlier. I’m more desperate now, more needy and okay with that. His fingers slip past my underwear testingly, hesitating before finally entering me slowly. 

“Aleksander,” my voice is so needy I’m not sure it’s my own. 

“I want you to say my name like that again,” he whispers, kissing down my collarbone as he begins to press his fingers in and out of me faster, “And I want you to say my name casually,” his pace doesn’t slow, even when I begin to let out indistinguishable whines, “And I want you to say my name while you’re falling asleep,” his touch becomes more aggressive as his words become more sincere, “And I want you to say my name every other way there is to say it.” 

The bundle of nerves in the pit of my stomach grows until there’s nothing else for me to hold onto. I finish with a sharp gasp. The feeling of euphoria is only intensified as Aleksander begins to kiss up my jaw before finally pressing our lips together. 

I break the kiss first, desperate to breathe. Have my legs been so shaky this entire time? Aleksander lets me recover, resting his head against my forehead. “I’m tired of being alone.” 

I imagine all the foul acts he’s committed and all the bad he wants to bring. I picture all the innocent blood he’s spilled. I see all of it--every horror and dark deed he’s ever committed. But I cannot see me leaving him. Maybe that makes me a monster, maybe that makes me an idiot...but I can’t do it. 

Slowly, I move to drape my arms over his back in a loose hug. “You’re not alone, Aleksander.” I’m not sure what that signifies, but I know it’s true. There has to be good in him. No one capable of such warmth can be pure evil. “I choose you.” 

[atlabeth]

well i finished it, gave it 3.5/5 stars because i loved the beginning and the end but the middle dragged like nobody's business. review from my goodreads

i relate to alina because i too have visions of ben barnes

so this book was better than the first one for me but still a bit boring. there’s a lot of nothing for a 400 page book and if it wasn’t for sankt nikolai of ravka to get me through the boring parts i would have rated it lower lol

i actually did like this book a lot though!! i loved nikolai so much, tolya and tamar were very cool and their relationship with alina is very interesting bc of their religion, and i liked alina even more than i did in the first book. the beginning started out strong with the darkling and sturmhond and the sea whip, but then it went back down for almost the entire middle of the book

i like the darkling because of his greyness but let me make this clear— i am not a darkling apologist and i really hate him with alina, i am just in love with ben barnes and i like him as a villain. honestly i hate alina with everyone, the parts i disliked most of both books were the romance and that was even more rampant here. when alina’s got three men all going after her and i don’t like any of them with her, it makes for some dull plot points lol. still over here with my genyalina supremacy

i liked mal fine enough in the first book but god he sucked in this one. for someone that messed around with a lot of girls while he was deployed, he really can’t handle alina getting any kind of attention. no matter how many times she kisses him and assures him that she likes him, mal is still whiny and insecure and acts like it’s alina’s fault that all of this is happening. she didn’t ask to be the sun summoner, she didn’t ask to be hunted by the darkling, and she didn’t ask for any of the power she has, she’s doing what she has to do to save ravka, and mal acts like it’s all a personal attack on him. alina has bigger issues to deal with than your hurt feelings mal

what really got me was their argument after the apparat appeared. instead of telling her that he wants to be around her more after all his hunts and card games, he says nothing and then complains that alina didn’t ask him to stay. he didn’t give her a chance to explain herself when she flinches bc of the darkling and then he makes it even worse by constantly avoiding her. mal cannot handle the fact that alina is more powerful than him and doesn’t need him and that she can’t just run away from it all and it makes for a really awful dynamic. this part from page 367 sums it up well

“I can’t run away or pretend that this isn’t who I am, because if I do, more people will die. I can’t ever just be Alina again. That girl is gone.” “I want her back,” he said roughly.

anyways mal rant over. once again, like shadow and bone, this picked up at the end. the first 300 pages took me months to get through because i kept forgetting about this book, i got through the last 130 in less than a day.

i love alina the most when she’s struggling with the two sides of her. there is a constant battle in her, quite literally, between light and dark, and that has been the best part of her journey for me. she was literally willing to kill herself just to make sure the darkling went down with her and that is badass. i’m excited to read the third book, i just hope that it’s strong all the way through and doesn’t drag in the middle like the first two books

For the living and the dead, she would make herself a reckoning. She would rise.

3.5/5 stars, -.5 for the drag of the middle -1 for mal’s nonstop whining

i am HURRYIN g through these last two shadow and bone books bc i want to get to six of crows so bad lmao