#The Backward Path
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The brothers meet again
Ohhh my gods, this one was so daunting (I don't like backgrounds 😭) but it was so fun!!! This scene is going to be like. The really fun dramatic one when I get around to writing it, but for now here's a piece for it instead!!
Very quick explanation for those who haven't seen my insane rambles: Dream was about to kill Killer (finish him off) when Nightmare bursts out of hiding to get between them!
Now, bonus stuff!
^ He's actually very handsome <3
^Thinner version with a crop I like better??
^ I had to check sizing a few times (but Killer is angled so idk if it really helped?) And I just thought this was REALLY funny
^ Just the twins!
#utmv#new age au#spot!drawn#my art#utmv art#should I give this one the main tags??? idk#anyways my favorite part was making Dream's cape (the metaphorical sun rays + folds made me happy :D)#also idk why I gave Night the swirly patterm from the procreate brush in his official design??? i gotta#draw those patterns by hand now???#and uhhh#I think the reason Killer is on his back is because after he got the soul injury Dream pulled away w/ the knife and#Killer stood for a second before stumbling *backwards* from the pain#and he's a lil sideways because he was going to try and turn to dodge an arrow + stumbled#and ofc Night mid-run!!! i'm so proud of that lil goober#oh and Killer used to be glaring + I had to soften his sockets so it'd be believable he was dead/dying and#not paralyzed and pissed like he actually is hehe-#okay I'll let myself have this one 😔#dream sans#nightmare sans#killer sans#tw blood#<- almost forgor-#oh! last tidbit!#Dream doesn't really bother to aim his arrows perfectly#he kinda can vibe out their flight path + nudge it so it hits its mark. hense the bow aiming at Night's face but arrow intended to hit#Killer's soul#oh and Dream's draw-back hand? he uses it palm outwards#he saw someone do it once and refused to shoot any other way once he figured out how to do it lol
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it's probably my deep-seated unease for people who are too attractive that inspired this but i'll say again that every time people do fancasts or socmedu faceclaims for mlb characters and use super hot people it feels weird to me. even for adrien actually, like idc if he would probably look like lucky blue smith irl anyways giving him a real person hot face feels off
#socmed aus in general are not my favorite i'll admit#you have to be really inventive to sell me on it. like i could see a forum-based socmed au piquing my interest#no hate to any smau creators!! ignore me and my gripes don't try and bend over backwards to please me specifically!!!#but like if anyone wants to go a lil off the beaten path and make an imageboard based socmed au i'd love to see it
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I love how the Envy chapter has Maka, the one who always tries to be perfect, the one who's optimistic, finally breaks down when her insecurities about Soul are prodded, that she doubted Soul liked her enough as a partner and he deserves better because she can't understand music, and believes it will be the thing that takes him away from her.
And then Soul, who's always believed he'd never amount to anything and thus never tries hard enough, the one's always pessimistic, didn't succumb to the effects of the book because he's finally certain about what Maka truly means to him; Maka isn't just an escape from music, she's the inspiration of his own music.
She is his muse.
#soul eater#soul x maka#yapping about the dorks#been reading the manga backwards and now I remember why I loved the ambiguity of their relationship so much#it's not just friendship not just lovers something else#I love how the final pages can be taken as both romantic and friendship moment#like oh hey Maka do you know that I like and admire you a lot#and I'm so glad that I met you and forged this path with you
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honestly part of the reason i've been really looking forward to finally playing light fingers (aside from the obvious horrors and whatnot) is because it, alongside bag a legend, contains a Choice™ i to this day am Extremely Torn About Making. like i've known for ages that the Choice™ exists in this ambition and STILL i am undecided about it. this Choice™ is of course. well. let's just say that by the time this ambition ends, caeru may not be the only catboy around town
#the bag a legend choice if ur curious is actually just. straight-up the ending. im not sure which one my BaL PC will end up with#all the other ambitions ive been Reasonably Certain about which path im choosing (especially in the case of the scoundrel)#(i kind of immediately decided i wanted the robe and built their character backwards from there)#but bag a legend? i CANNOT choose. they're all equally appealing to me. and to my BaL PC as they exist in my head rn#but BaL is practically a world's away so we (and i) don't need to dwell on it atm. we've got plenty of time lmao#the same goes for This Choice™ in light fingers. i'll decide when i get to it.#a lot will just depend on how the rp and story stuff plays out leading up to that point#who knows. maybe by the time he gets there lark will have become the fingerking's second biggest stan (after louise of course)#part of the fun i get in cyoa games is equal parts meticulously plotting out a character journey and just#seeing where the character vibes take me as i go along. it's a bit chaotic but ultimately very fun#that's why i keep talking about future events as though this is an actual story and not made up oc rp stuff btw#im just really insane about thematics and arcs in my roleplaying games#yin-thoughts#fallen london
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Day 103 - I FORGOT TO FLIP THE DAMN THING.
#I SPENT AN HOUR ON THIS. AAAAAAUGGHHSDGFASFGGJK#stamps#stamp making#on the bright side i can just stamp this on my next blank and my cutting path will be correct and VERY well defined#no transfers we draw shit backwards like men
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#Every time I see Billy in that backwards ball cap my mind eventually goes down the path of ‘College au#where Johnny is a frat toy who’s also a cheerleader”#stealing one of the skirts because he kinda wanted to feel pretty but also because he got dared to by the bros lol#Not the last time he wears one#nsft#Im just assuming that the frat guys also play ball
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sometimes when my ego gets too high i like to humble myself by going through my old 2017-2021 playlist.
while people like to forget about their past i choose to reminisce over dumb stupid shit because i literally cannot change the fact that i did that and was into those things. like wtf can i do about it… oh i can bully myself ! (best form of bullying! turn ur sadness and regret into a joke!) but actually this playlist is so foul and somehow gets worse the more you scroll 💀💀💀💀💀
genuinely funny how many songs i enjoyed listening to blew up on tiktok. 💀
i played overwatch as a kid so i loved the “maybe i’ll be tracer song” but had to stop listening to it after it became cringe.
don’t even get me started on join us for a bite.
i was fascinated by me!me!me! before it became that dumb stupid e-girl trend. 😭
i refuse to believe momoland popularized wrap me in plastic cause i was blasting it in 2020
i liked cg5 before he became “the guy who ruins memes”
bloody mary is another example of good song ruined by tiktok
wilbur soot……
anyways that’s my london yap for the day 💀
#you have to understand that i was the peak internet kid#i was ROLEPLAYING with people on a quiz site called quotev#and also on youtube livestreams (don’t ask me how the fuck i did that it worked okay.)#we all have a path. that was unfortunately my path.#can say i’ve never touched wattpad and amino though !#only touched ao3 once in 2021 to read a hydroslime x reader crack fic#so i really didn’t have my ao3 phase until this year#am i progressing backwards 💀#📢: london yaps
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Give it up for regression everyone🫶
#honestly i'm hoping it won't be fake-out bc that seems kinda cheap and i'm leaning on akira to not use such tropes#but who knows anymore#enstars lb#btw i'm saying regression bc he seems to be falling backwards into the ''dolls are the superior beings''#which i thought... we were working past#and i think that's interesting! that's why i want it to be real this time that his grandfather is gone#bc i think tearing open another wound in his heart would serve his narrative and arc really well#it would make sense to have his path to being better not be linear and that in times of stress he regresses#so he can make further progress after
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in a way, ludger is an iconic example of "irredeemable" characters, as in those who cannot be fixed and not because they are throughly evil but because they stubbornly reject / give up on every chance and opportunity to better themselves.
in ludger's case specifically, his irredeemability is a self-fulfilling prophecy because he is constantly trapped in the loop of believing that he doesn't deserve to get better.
#rant#aup spoilers#contrary to popular beliefs but#'i dont belong in the world of light bc ive committed too many evils & continuing down the path of darkness is how i stay aware of my sins'#is an awfully backward emo and edgy mindset#doing good with the intention of evil at the end of the day is still better than doing evil with the intention of good#.....which is still a whole lot better than doing evil while knowing fully well that its evil#then tormenting yourself over your evil deeds yet making no attempts to change or do better#bc it feels like you care more for your conscience than how your actions actually affect other ppl. which. idk. sounds too selfish to me#also ludger had a tiny chara development during the black knight arc but i think somehow we just decided to pretend it never happened
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I keep forgetting how dangerous germs are because I'm not afraid of things that I can't see... ...except for ghosts... and the invisible ants that crawl on my legs at night... and whoever's watching me through my windows... and the invisible string on the back of my neck that strangles me when I walk through the wrong doors... and the blades that come out of cracks between tiles or walls that I haven't seen yet but I'm sure they're there, and if I just make sure that no part of me is lined up with any of them then they propably won't cut off any of my limbs...
#meme#self deprecating humor#mental illness#ocd#obsessive compulsive disorder#the last two things are definitely related to my ocd#the one about the string is a bit more complicated that that#so like#i can't exit doors I didn't enter from#so the string doesn't get tangled obviously#but like#if I have a path or a schedule it'll probably work#and i can't walk between things or on the wrong side of lampposts or poles on the street#so you know that one part at the beginning of the soul eater opening#you probably don't#but like the part where the camera is zooming around and there's blair and it goes BETWEEN the lamppost and the building#that triggers my ocd so bad#I literally had to close my eyes and imagine walking backwards back around the lamppost the correct way#i'm getting better at watching that though#it's such a good show#i love soul eater#i haven't finished it yet#btw kid is my favorite character#like for one he's voiced by MIYANO MAMORU#my favorite guy fr#but also because he's a great character#some people say he doesn't have ocd because he's too stereotypical or whatever#but he literally abandoned the girls in the creepy pyramid with no warning#just so that he could check to make sure the painting in his house was symmetrical#because the idea that maybe it wasn't was really bugging him
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i cant tell if its the autism tm that skews my perception or if ive just really been through enough shit these past few years that my emotional maturity is now explicitly above average
#personal#seeing people who clearly want and need help be all cryptic about how they feel and making it like pulling teeth to communicate with them#makes me wanna tear my hair out#I Am Here For You !!!!! just Talk to me !!!!!!!! god#trying to leave every figurative ball in their court but they just dismiss it and then act like im the one who didnt try#its so reminiscent of my last job where i always had to be the one bending myself over backwards to accommodate the other party#im getting anxious just thinking about it knowing where that led me after months and months of caving in to the other's needs#without any regards for my own#really trying to will myself not to go down that path but its hard when i care#and i Know if i did reach out and compromise myself to be accommodating it would Work#but goddammit i cant always be the bigger person !!! please !!! cut me some slack sometimes !!!! meet me halfway !!!! im trying dammit
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After spending NiF listening to my girlfriend explain how Lin Shu should die, she is now spending Mr. Sunshine listening to me explain how Lady Ae-shin is femmephobic because she will not marry Hui-seong and have threesomes and/or a protracted emotional affair with Eugene.
#this is a joke I am joking#what is true is that I have never watched a show with people less inclined to polyamory that really makes me want poly fic#even my beloved nif featured more poly inclined characters#and it's a shame because there's so much there!#I think all five of the main characters have individually interesting and sexy relationships with each other#under other circumstances I'd be throwing all the male romance options down a well for#ae-shin/hina but no! the guys are great both with the ladies and each other#this is admittedly very much an ae-shin's harem situation with the possible exception of hina who is the most capable of resisting her#by virtue of not being canonically in love with her#but tbh out of perversity this is only making me ship it more#marry the girl who keeps cockblocking you by being irresistible to every dude in your radius#you are already managing her harem#just like. make it even more fraught and terrible by falling in love#tbh I do also love how hina is a little bit of a closet romantic#won't catch her with a dude who is buying mensware for another girl#Hina: your path will doom you and also them while making all four of you deeply unhappy#Also Hina: I will do everything you do but backwards in high heels#same path they're all on the same path!!!#one might even say walking side by side
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ah romantic obsession ... haven't I been there...to expand one's world beyond new horizons and seek all from life is our task; romance will find us, there's a magic to how it finds us; we cannot find it, we just have to seek passion, creativity, and community...
♡
#on finding love#being single#can't claim it's easy#but it's the least difficult path for me now...#I'm still lowkey obsessed with some randos from my past#I need to get over it and look forward not backwards#don't lose what is waiting nearby (yet obscured by the fog of the future) for the clear (yet infinitely distant) memories of the past
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"This study says...", sorry mate but your bias is so on your sleeve that I'm not gonna be trusting any studies you cite because the thing is it's very easy to do a "study" that says anything you want, and it's just not worth my time to read tripe that just coincidentally supports exactly your position
(This is about "articles" that have "evidence" that just so happens to align with what the writer would want, and it's for some site that's gonna have massive bias. To make something up as an example, if Atheism.com has an article talking about how this study proves god doesn't exist... maybe you can see why I think they probably have their finger on the scale a bit and it's not really worth my time reading either the article or the study)
(Bonus summary of thoughts in the tags, realized why this most bothers me is it kinda stops being able to have an earnest conversation about important topics cause... yeah; this stuff is worth discussing but we can't when you're presenting evidence that's from one of the most biased sources on the subject you could possible have managed)
#like I just saw an article linked on here that immediately I could sniff out massive bias in#and despite how they were 'just asking questions' I already knew what they were going to say#and it's like... I'm not even gonna bother fucking engaging with some 27 note post with some smart people treating it like it's interesting#I'm not changing their mind; this isn't about rational ideas; it's about them believing something and wanting to back it up#and like... I get it; I probably do it even if I don't want to and then tell myself I'm being rational and it all lines up#so I'm not gonna talk about it#but the bias in just the article title alone became obvious#the site looks like a insular circlejerk that has the answer for everything already laid out and is gonna work backwards#it's just a bit ass; you know?#and like sorry mate; you can't present this as evidence#if I let you do this then I'll have to let the tankies come in with an article about how imperialism needs boats#and it'll just open up the floodgates of stupid opinions#but most of all... I ain't reading all that when someone's so obviously wrong#oh and I really wish I could tell you what this was about but... you know me... I don't like arguing#just kinda fucking stupid#and mhh... just goes back to people thinking that there's one correct way to do things#man that's stupid; everyone requires their own path through life#and I may not think that much of it is a wise idea; like crypto; if you're investing stop it; get some help#but I'm not just magically gonna change anyone's mind saying that#...we gotta work with the world as it is#not... mhh... ok; we're deep enough in the tags and the person who posted it is busy enough I don't think they'll read this#so I'll just come out and say that it was saying no fault divorce is bad for kids#As much as our society with its affinity for sentimentality and utilitarianism may try to deny it#a loveless marriage causes less damage to a child than does divorce#those last two tags are a word for word quote only missing the commas cause tumblr tags#and I don't really care what 'study' you cite... you're fucking stupid#as a kid where my parents divorced when I was like 4; you're fucking stupid#I promise the shit that's fucked up about me has more to do with the parents than the divorce#and basically you can just blow your stupid trad bullshit out your ass#oh; the trad christian website just happens to find evidence that divorce shouldn't be allowed; well good thing there's no bias here
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Bf came over last night and eventually told me he actually lied to me for 8 months and he never really quit smoking. Just stopped doing it in front of me or before meeting up with me and I believed all this time that he actually stopped. Last spring. And he was even supported by his mom in his lie. She was in on it. And they did it because they hoped eventually he would actually be able to stop. And I said this is the last nail in the coffin of our relationship, because to elaborate a lie this strong and this lasting is just evil no matter which way you spin it. All this time I even asked him a bunch of times if he ever smoked since "quitting" and he said no?? And he said it in his lying tone but I just thought I was crazy, I thought EYE was the crazy one!! I wouldn't even have been mad, I would have understood I mean there's people who try to quit smoking their whole lives. It could take years. And he even lied to our friends, like my best friend and her bf were in awe, they were so admirative of him and his ability to drop smoking so quickly and with relatively little treatment. And he said my praises and the fact that I was proud of him made him feel good, but how good can something fake and artificial make you feel??!! Mixed with the knowledge that you're LYING!!???? He just cried and told me he was scared of disappointing me, as if lying doesn't disappoint me a billion times worse, and he knows it. And I still decided to stay and give it another go. I think mostly out of fear of breaking up, but ironically I can't stop seeing him like a stranger now. I can't trust him like before, and frankly I don't think I'll be able to anytime soon. And if only this was the first situation of this sort, but our whole almost 5 year relationships has been sprinkled with massive lies. This one takes the cake. It's not even that serious but the fact that he was able to carry on for so long, look me in the eyes and lie to me all this time, so many times he could have taken responsibility and said "actually- " but he didn't. And I trusted him because I wanted to stop being so distrustful. And I was wrong to be so. But do I want to be in a relationship where I'm constantly investigating and questioning things? I really don't. We were able to have a mature and honest conversation. I only love the person I thought he was - this one?? I don't know him.
#he's cutting his long hair tomorrow#to make himself hashtag employable#it's starting to be really odd that no job will call him back#not even the supermarkets#atp it's a desperate situation#i've also raised the idea of potentially moving to the capital city sometime in the next years#and he was enthusiastic about it#he tells me he wants to learn graphic design and get a tablet and practice and take a course#i'm not optimistic on that front. it's whatever#in the same chain of texts he asked me if i was willing to move to his hometown#where his parents have ~connections~ and he has better chances of graduating#which is a very insane idea no doubt peddled by his mother#she's presented this plan to me before. to which i said nothing because what in the world would i ever be doing#in his hometown?? i'd be fucking insane to move there where i don't know anyone#also one of the most dangerous cities in the country. sure i'll uproot my whole fucking life just for your parents to enjoy the illusion of#satisfaction. he said he understands and it's not what he wants either. he just wants to please them#like will you ever release a single fart on this earth that doesn't have the purpose of falsely pleasing your parents??#if only he had the ambition to please them with real things. a change in his life that's for the better for once. an improvement#on one single front. no - best he can do is a graduation done with the strings his parents pulled.#something authentic and real?? no. anyway here's some more illusions!#i'm totally annoyed with his mom as well. she's making him worse#she fed into a lie and is encouraging a backwards path that he doesn't want. through emotional blackmail of all things#you need to grow the fuck up and take your life in your own hands
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Ashen One . Alonso of Londor . Warrior of Sunlight . Former herald of the Way of White . Newly honored Knight of Catarina . Friend to Siegward, Greirat, Anri, Orbeck, Andre and even Patches . Publisher of two spellbooks in Orbeck's memory . Father figure to the Fire Keeper . Lover of Cornyx . Custodian of the New Age of Dark
#I am within *spitting distance* of finishing this game and wanted to go ahead and post this.#I'm doing the games backwards because DS3 happens to be one of my friend's comfort games and he was a *massive* help getting me through it.#This is the playthrough where Siegward died two-thirds of the way through my first Yhorm fight and I was devastated#so I immediately spent my next several levels getting my stats high enough to wear the Catarina armor in his honor.#I didn't quite have the stats to be any good at magic however so after Orbeck's death I sold all of the spells he gave me#with the roleplay idea of like... Alonso has them all copied down and bound into little handmade books and thus he makes sure#that Orbeck's magic will proliferate through the new world and be learned by future sorcerers and keep his legacy alive. <3#I am sad that I missed out on Sirris's questline... next playthrough I wanna do a Blade of the Darkmoon path so that'll be fun. :D#dark souls#dark souls 3#ashen one#unkindled ash#OCs#character aesthetics#my aesthetics
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