#The Affair club
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talking about kyokao more ,, how would it work future tense ??
like kyoya says he'd only marry if it benefited the ootori family but what would he even DO if he was married off to a random person and still liked kaoru .????? kyokao affair ???????
#imagine kyoya just Telling his sister fuck i just cheated on my wife with my best friend from highschool. AND HES A GUY.#would being gay be bad for his family#too late to change that but#i think future kyokao affair would be so interesting#i talk about ships ALOT for a nonsharing riako#whatever i just love ships#ouran high school host club#kyokao
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this is going to be embarrassing if this gets no notes but WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY VALGRACE SMALL TOWN AU.
#please say yes#this came to me in a vision from whichever gods are real#basically Piper’s family owns and runs a farm#Leo got adopted by them after his mom died#piper runs the farm with her dad while Leo works at the local high school as the shop teacher and robotics club sponsor#(on the weekends Leo helps his cousins out at the Valdez family garage)#Jason just got fired from his dad’s company in the big city#he decided to just remove himself from the picture and move to this small town to take it slow for once in his life#he ends up working as a farmhand at Piper’s farm (along with several other miscellaneous jobs)#Leo’s first thought upon seeing Jason is ‘oh shit im gay’#meanwhile Jason’s is ‘oh good! I always liked twinks’#leo valdez#piper mclean#jason grace#valgrace#HAPPY TO ELABORATE ON THIS. ALL YOU NEED TO SAY IS LIKE ONE WORD AND I WILL YAP ABT IT TO U#small town affair valgrace au
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i will always shout praises of bi4bi but given recent discourse I feel the need to say that I love bi4het too! I just love bisexuality in general in its many forms, and anyone who only likes it when it's 'queer enough' for them is biphobic. Bisexuals should be able to bring their LaMe CiShEt BoYfRiEnD to pride without being made to feel like spectators and outsiders to their own event.
#3 am queer discourse take <3#anyways hot take number two. cishets do belong at pride. everyone who wants to celebrate queerness should be welcomed at pride#if a completely cishet business major fratboy wants to come to pride and vibe with us then he should be welcomed!#not even like. oh he has a queer sibling. no. if he's just a cishet dude who wants to spend his saturday at a parade then hell yeah#like completely ignoring that you have no way to tell he's definitively those things. it shouldn't matter regardless imo#pride is not a secretive club you need to be let into. it's a feeling and a celebration and a statement and a state of being#and whatever you want it to be#burying my other related hot take under the tags readmore ksdjksdjksdj#idk. i'm just tired of a lot of the things people seem to think about bisexuality's validity relating to bi women specifically#this is frustration with the gatekeepy and straight-passing discourse of it all#I'm tired of people being expected to act and to preform and to BE queer enough for others' opinions.#am I still welcome if I haven't been with a woman in a few years? if I dress boring? if I like m/f? if I don't listen to chappell roan?#joking on that last one but like. idk. never straight enough for the straights but never gay enough for the gays#constantly some mercurial in-between that offers no comfortable easy group to put us in.#what do i have to do to not be judged as a filthy hettie? are my doc martens enough for you yet?#like oh sorry let me cuff my jeans and have a bob and wear a button up over a cami and wear etsy earrings. am I visually bi enough yet?#let me apologize for the cardinal sin of liking men too. let me wash my hands of any time a cishet man has held them.#if it was a bisexual man then just hand sanitizer is fine right? where do you draw the line on my queerness?#let me preform for you in a way that makes me queer enough.#anyways. sarcasm aside. I think I've made my distaste for this whole affair evident#if you don't want cishets at pride then what happens to those you incorrectly deem as cishet? do I need to prove myself to you?#am I passing as straight? am I passing as gay? am I enough for onlookers?#is it not enough to just show up at pride and celebrate? anyone and everyone who wants to?
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Tracks— Chapter One
overview: a surfing trip with Ashton after a particularly rough exam leads to a piqued curiosity regarding the club that he attends after all of his classes. the conversation leaves you with more questions than answers. words: 2.5k tws: none! author's note: i just made a wattpad where i'll be reuploading tracks! it's @mrsallamericxn if you'd like to check it out!
⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏𓂁﹏﹏﹏𓂁﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏𓂁﹏﹏﹏𓂁﹏﹏﹏𓂁﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
You felt a little out of place sitting on a board that you didn’t even know how to use, but the look on Ash’s face as he crashed through wave after wave was worth swimming out.
Upright on the grain of the board, you trace your manicured fingers over the baby blue stripe on the edge. The California sun beat down on your body, but the feeling didn’t seem to bother you. Cool beads of saltwater drip down your back and saturate the material of your swimsuit, darkening the color by a few shades. You had paddled out far enough to the point where the waves were not yet breaking— but the undulating swells still rocked your body every so often.
You had watched the boy’s progress as he would wade out to float beside you and watch the horizon, waiting for a swell that seemed promising enough. Then he’d paddle forward and wait until it grew into a white cap, from which point he’d wait until he was swept up into the summit of the wave and he’d hop up, using the power of the sea to propel him to the shoreline. Occasionally, he fumbled and sent himself tumbling into the serene blue waters underneath his board, but he was resilient enough to brush it off, no matter how embarrassing the falter, and make his way back out to try again.
He always returned to your side, no matter where the waves took him.
It’s hard to believe that it was his first summer surfing. According to Ash, it was popular with guys his age back in Australia, but he’d never taken much interest in it until now. You had to admit, he didn’t exactly look like a surfer in his everyday life. His clothes were always dark in color and he never dreamed of touching shorts, even when the temperature reached triple digits. His hair, which used to be a dirty blond color, had grown out in waves and had been highlighted by the combination of the sun and the saltwater. His skin, however, was the same golden tan he’d sported since the initial move to Los Angeles. Above his knee was a white scar he proudly brandished from his first time surfing when his leg nicked the fin after a wipeout. In his words, it was his “battle scar” and he displayed it so shamelessly because he’d been so brave that he didn’t even shed a tear after the incident.
You had watched him.
He cried. A lot.
Your concentration on the pattern of the wood grain was broken when you heard something cutting through the water on your left. You’d been facing away from the shoreline for awhile, so you expected to have drifted off a bit. Your head turns to face the direction of the sound, but before your eyes could register the sight, a splash of sea water flies in your direction. Sputtering, you wipe your face and squint. Your eyes dart over to find the culprit. A guilty-looking Ashton perches on his board with his feet on either side of it. “Hey, what was that for?!” You call out to him as he inches closer, the board gliding through the water towards you. “Well you were the one staring off into space! What if you floated out to sea or something?” He scrunches up his nose at the thought of you miles out, still staring at the board without a clue in the world where you were. “Did you see that last wave I caught? It felt awesome!” His dimples deepen as he flashes you a cheeky smile.
“Was that the one that you wiped out on?” Your brows furrow at both the glare of the sun on the water and the question that posed difficult to answer. “What?! I haven’t wiped out in— like— ten whole minutes!”
He wasn’t the best surfer.
You laugh a little at yourself and rub the back of your neck. “Sorry, ’m still thinkin’ about Malphin’s exam.” He grimaces and shakes out his wet hair, spraying you with droplets in the process.
“God, that was rough. I swear, I think he likes it when we fail.” His eyes roll in disbelief. In the syllabus, the professor had mentioned that the coursework for the class was undeniably cumbersome and the tests, therefore, would be arduous as well.
You should’ve taken that as a sign to unenroll entirely, yet here you were on the verge of a breakdown and swamped with his assignments. “He’s gotta have a rough marriage.” You suggest playfully.
Ashton grins at the comment and cards his fingers through the wet strands of his hair. “Oh, absolutely terrible. They probably haven’t shared a bed in years.” Childish giggles escape from him as he continues. “I don’t think I’d want to either— with that beacon of a bald spot on him.” A gasp racks through your body when the words register. “Ash, that’s rude! Don’t say that!” “What? It’s true! He better be careful out in the open, helicopters might confuse it for a landing pad.” His shoulders raise in a shrug, dismissing your gaping mouth. “What, did I say something?” “You’re terrible.” You start, looking back at the shore. Between the two flags that the lifeguards had posted, an ice cream cart was being wheeled by your line of vision. You don’t even need to glance over at the boy before he switches over to laying on his stomach. “But I guess I’ll forgive you for an ice cream sandwich.”
Positioning your body in a similar fashion, you toss your hair over your shoulder and dip your hands into the water, paddling back towards the sandy beach. In your peripheral vision, you see the blond staring at you, eyes fleeting over your exposed skin under the warm sun. You fight back a smile at the thought of Ashton possibly checking you out and turn your head.
He immediately pivots his gaze to the beach.
“Guess we better catch him before he leaves, then.” He coughs out, wiping his brow of the sweat collecting from his hours in the sun.
It only took a few minutes for your board to reach a manageable depth and from there, you dismounted your board. You wrapped your arm around it, preparing to lift it from the water and carry it the rest of the way, when your board was suddenly taken from your grasp. Ashton, wiggling it under his arm, carries both of your boards back to the little station you two had set up. “Such a gentleman.” You say in a cheesy tone, watching him set them down beside the rest of their bags and their chairs. He rolls his eyes and rustles through the tote bag you brought for him to stash his stuff in while he surfed. Retrieving his wallet, he follows along behind you happily as you lead him towards the ice cream cart.
Fisting out some cash, he pays for both your ice cream and his. In your hand is an ice cream sandwich, the vanilla ice cream already dribbling down your wrist as you hurry back to the chairs. Ashton, on the other hand, settles on a small, pineapple water ice. As he digs into the treat with the wooden spoon provided, he glances up to find you licking the white trail on your arm, going from your forearm to the cone where it originated. His feet stop moving for a moment as his brain runs the image through his head.
Settling into your chair, you watch him stumble along behind you and plop into his own, pulling his knees up to his chest. “You sit like a little kid.” He scoffs and looks around at the other beach-goers as if to check and see if they heard the insult as well. “Rude! I just bought you ice cream!” He shakes his head and looks down at his water ice. “Little kid— you know, I’m older than you, actually!” His tone is loud, with a certain faux-abrasiveness that you’ve grown so comfortable with. You toss your towel, previously strewn over the back of your beach chair, in his face and watch him wrestle the material off. Taking the towel for himself, he rubs it over his damp hair, listening to the seagulls screech above. “Not much more mature, though..” He laughs dryly at your statement, draping the towel over his shoulders.
I’ll just steal his, you think to yourself. Quickly, you grab the edge of the fabric hanging behind his chair and yank it from behind him. His towel was significantly larger, but yours felt softer. Based on how the fibers rubbed at your skin, it hadn’t seen fabric softener in awhile.
A buzz interrupts the quiet moment between you two. In between your chairs, the tote bag is illuminated by the light of Ashton’s phone.
It was normal for you two to check each other’s phones. Neither of you had anything to hide— the time you’d spent living together in the dorms had slowly worn away at the boundaries you both had once subconsciously set and now nothing seemed “too private.” You squint down at the phone and grab it, inputting his passcode you’d memorized so long ago and opening his messages. “You have a meeting tonight.” You murmur absentmindedly into your frozen dessert. He doesn’t bother to check his phone for himself.
“With who?” Ash swallows his mouthful of water ice and gazes out at the waves crashing against the beige sand.
“The 405 Club?” His head whips around faster than you’d ever seen him move. Raising a curious eyebrow, you hold out the device for him to grab. “The 405 Club?” He repeats as he checks the screen for himself. Slowly, you wrap up your trash from your dessert and shove it in the tote bag. Your eyes dart from your actions to him. “I don’t understand why you’re even in that club. It sounds so boring—” You shake your head, dissatisfied with the mere thought of it. “Cleaning around the campus… I mean, nothing against you guys, but I don’t think it’s working. This morning I saw a squirrel eating the leftovers of a moldy Whopper outside of the Science Hall.” He clicks his tongue at the second buzz his phone emits. Ash’s eyes narrow at his phone. “Must’ve missed that…” His tone is absentminded and flat. You could tell he was focused on the messages he was getting, running his schedule through his head and planning out his night accordingly.
He had a habit of being too charged up about things— whether that was positive or not depended on the situation. With tense shoulders, he bites his bottom lip in consideration. “Ash, you’re doing it again.” Your gentle hand rests on his shoulder and for a moment, his line of vision travels upward to meet yours. The hard look in his eyes dissipates within seconds and he rests his phone on the arm of his chair, face down, and his shoulders return to their normal position.
If you let him, his shoulders would be up to his ears 24/7. But he hated bad posture and encouraged you to intervene if he ever got too distracted to notice. He liked that— how all of his bad habits were slowly being chipped away at with your help. You’d been doing this ever since you met him at the freshman social and since then, you hadn’t stopped.
It made him feel like he’d reinvented himself since the move from Hornsby to LA, even if he still kept to his old interests.
“Thanks.” A smile rests comfortably on his face as he reclines in the chair. Every once in a while, you spot him checking his phone for new messages. The two of you bask in the sun in a pleasant silence until he breaks it. “I’ll be staying at a friend’s place tonight.”
It takes a moment for you to respond. The manner in which he said it confused you. It sounded less like a boy’s night and more like a responsibility. He notices your frown, but waits for your response. “Is everything okay?...” His answer is quick. “Oh, yeah, yeah.. everything’s alright. Me and the boys are just goin’ out after the meeting. Probably to the bar or somethin’.” Ashton himself wasn’t big on drinking. His complex relationship with his family and drinking prevented him from truly enjoying himself under the influence, but every once in a while he’d indulge in a beer or two and bet a few bucks on some pointless game his friend group was playing. “You know how my friends are— ‘go big or go home’ kinda guys.”
That was true. You hadn’t ever hung out with the rest of “The 405 Club,” but you’d heard about their bar-hopping tendencies. Ashton was typically the designated driver for the other three. “I’ll be back by noon tomorrow, though, if you wanna grab lunch.” His suggestion came out more as a request, but naturally on a Saturday, you had nothing much better to do than to agree.
“Yeah, sure. That açaí place on the corner?” He nods in response and offers a smile of agreement.
“If that’s the place you want.”
For a moment, the two of you stare at each other, both with secure smiles plastered on your faces. You couldn’t tell whether it was from the prolonged exposure to the sun or from something entirely different, but the seconds seemed to feel like hours. Blinking tiredly, you circle back to the topic that piqued your curiosity.
“Hey, uhm… I know the club’s like— invite only..” He seems to perk up at the mention of the extracurricular. “But do you think I could come along some time? I mean, if you’re staying up until 8pm. Cleaning, there’s gotta be something I’m missing. You wouldn’t stay in the club if you thought it wasn’t worth your time.” He considers the idea for a moment, hazel eyes dragging across the sand below him.
“I think you’d like it..” He begins, prompting you to sit up taller, anticipating and fascination making his silence seem so all the more interesting.
“...But it’s club rules.”
You can’t help the childish groan that you let out. The club, though it served a great purpose, was never very popular and nor was it talked about much. The meetings were held at night, though no elaborate schedule was planned out. The group seemed to operate in a much more impromptu fashion. “Ashton!”
He sneers at your action and nudges you with his elbow. “Nuh-uh! Club. Rules. I’ll talk to the guys and see what I can do, but for now, it’s a no.”
“Fine..” You grumble, barely audible over the ambience of the beach. “But you’re paying for lunch on Saturday.” Standing up tall and stretching your back, the both of you unanimously decide to wrap up the seaside hangout and return to the dorms. Folding up the chairs, Ash helps you sling them over the bag and your shoulder as he grabs the boards, hoisting them under his arms. His biceps tense noticeably, pressed against the slick material of the surfboards.
He smiles back at you, beginning to trudge over the loose sand and back to his beat up van parked on the other side of the dunes. “Wasn't that a given?” You shoot him an appreciative look and hurry your pace to walk beside him.
“Such a gentleman.”
#tracks#5 seconds of summer#5sos imagine#5sos fanfic#5sos preference#5sos smut#english love affair#she looks so perfect#ashton irwin x reader#5sos ashton#fetus ashton irwin#ashton 5sos#ashton irwin#luke hemmings#5sos luke#luke 5sos#luke hemmings imagine#michael clifford x reader#michael gordon clifford#fetus michael clifford#michael clifford#michael 5sos#5sos calum#calum hood#calum 5sos#calum 5 seconds of summer#calum smut#long way home#street racing#the 405 club
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youtube
PopTopten Club Friday Trailer is here 👀
#pit babe#pit babe the series#club friday#affair the series#pop pataraphol#topten supakorn#em post#Youtube
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12 Days of Choices Special Event
Not sure who is planning to participate, but I figured I'd start this thread to talk about it and share info for anyone that is playing.
If you find the hidden item, please share where and when (what chapter + scene)! All clues and hints welcomed. I'll try to update this post with whatever info I see so that it's all in one place for anyone checking in quick!
Day One: December 12
Book: Mother of the Year
Chapter 1
Scene: MC's daughter has the option for the uniform. The Partridge in a Pair Tree is on the stairs in the background.
Day Two: December 13
Book: The Duchess Affair
Hint: In chapters 1-3
Chapter: beginning of chapter 2
Scene: The location is the breakfast room, in front of the large painting and next to the Christmas tree.
Thanks @lizzybeth1986
Day Three: December 14
Book: Bachelorette Party
Hint: "3 French hens, 3 blind mice, 3 is the number you'll want to check twice "
Chapter 3
Scene: The Abracadabra Lounge, right at the front of the room.
Thanks @lizzybeth1986
Day Four: December 15
Book: The Cursed Heart
Hint: "You didn't hear this from me, but it's in a prime number chapter greater than 3!"
Helpful Math: Prime Numbers include: 5,7,11,13,17,19
Chapter 5
Scene: At the stables talking to Sir Montgomery, perched on the ceiling
Thanks @lizzybeth1986
Day Five: December 16
Book: Ms. Match
Hint: "Five Gold Rings: Starting from the left, which finger is your ring finger? 🖐️"
Chapter 2
Scene: walking home from the bar with jack, they very impressively transformed a building
Thanks @alasforher
Day Six: December 17
Book: Untameable
Hint: "Six Geese A-Laying: (four) The perfect amount of geese to have is four! 🪿"
Chapter 4
Scene: The stables, at the very beginning of the chapter.
Thanks, @lizzybeth1986
Day Seven: December 18
Book: The Unexpected Heiress
Hint: "Seven Swans A-Swimming: You'll spot them right away! 🏊"
Chapter 1
Scene: On the ship, immediately after the MC is introduced and says goodbye to her mother and brother.
Thanks, @lizzybeth1986
Day Eight: December 19
Book: Slow Burn
Hint: "Eight Maids A-Milking: You'll only need two maids to get this job done. 🥛"
Chapter 2
Scene: Bunting when you are first in the New Orleans ‘Hushpuppys’ restaurant
Thanks, @alasforher
Day Nine: December 20
Book: Queen B
Hint: "Nine Ladies Dancing: You'll need to be FOURtunate to find this item! 💃"
Chapter 4
Scene: At the sports field on Kickoff Day
Thanks, @lizzybeth1986
Day Ten: December 21
Book: Laws of Attraction
Hint: "Ten Lords A-Leaping: These lords are leaping VERY early on. 💯"
Chapter 1
Scene: Sadie McGraw's office
Thanks, @lizzybeth1986
Day Eleven: December 22
Book: Wake the Dead
Hint: "Eleven Pipers Piping: You'll need five fingers to play this pipe. 🖐️"
Chapter 3
Scene: Second scene in Red Meadows Cabin discussing the surge, after the upstairs has been cleared
Thanks, @alasforher
Day Twelve: December 23
Book: Roommates with Benefits
Hint: "Twelve Drummers Drumming: These drummers are marching in twos. 🥁"
Chapter 3
Scene: Opening party scene in the dorm room
Thanks, @alasforher
More to Come
*Note, according to PB, you don't have to click on the item or do anything special, once you past that scene/chapter, the app will remember it and the rewards will be granted at the end of the event.
*Rewards will be granted on 12/26 at 11 AM PST
#choices#playchoices#choices game#choices book club#mother of the year#the duchess affair#bachelorette party#the cursed heart
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Please may we have some regency recs from the local lyres book club? 🥺
ohh you mean regency romance? i'm not super In The Game as it is, but i can absolutely tell you my favourite one and the one i've most recently finished!
i think everyone who feels the feelings expressed in this post should read a seditious affair. everyone. it's well-researched and class-aware and well-executed. silas is an excellent character. if you're into 1810s radical politics, this book is for you; alternatively, if you could take or leave 1810s radical politics but enjoy a slow burn during which the characters are hooking up literally the entire time, it is also for you. (a gentleman's position from the same series is very good, too.)
a couple of days ago i finished letters to half moon street, a regency romance with a fantasy bend, and it was very sweet. i like when self-esteem issues are at the core of a plot's conflict, and this really hit every branch on the way down the Issues tree. its tone is warm and its protagonist is a fairly loveable wet cat of a man. recommend, even if i do think it could have fleshed out its love interest a bit better.
honourable mention: miss percy's pocket guide for the care and feeding of british dragons, which is not a romance and which i am of many minds about, but it still deserves a shoutout for having a dragon hatchling in its quaint and sensible little world.
hopefully there's something in here that sounds good to you, anon!
#fun fact about a seditious affair is that it was the reason i could seem smart and well read abt the cato street conspiracy in my MA#even though i hadn't done any reading on spenceans before. this book catapulted me straight down the rabbit hole#(and now five years later i'm publishing on spenceanism myself! <3)#but like that branch of radicalism by the late 1810s is a fringe topic ms charles knew what she was about. she Really did the research#asks#anon#local lyres book club
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classic Pop character moment 😅
#aw man Euro becomes more of an ass with every new scene. Not complaining tho.#It's just tiny bit funny he always plays the idiots atm#one day Pop will get a full on nice character again who doesn't get slapped around. one day.#(I mean I wouldn't be mad if he got more bad guy roles)#Euro is still an upgrade to Winne and Ek for now...maybe#club friday the series#club friday theory of love: the 21 day theory#ep2#poptopten#pop pataraphol#pit babe the series#affair the series
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On the perils of being clever
Anne of Green Gables, L.M. Montgomery
Winnie-the-Pooh, A.A. Milne
The Bacchae, Euripides
The Magic Mountain, Thomas Mann
The Importance of Being Earnest, Oscar Wilde
Equal Rites, Terry Pratchett
Fight Club, dir. David Fincher
Free, Florence + The Machine
Fight Club, dir. David Fincher
I Know It‘s Over, The Smiths
The Mysterious Affair at Styles, Agatha Christie
#web weaving#clever#cleverness#anne of green gables#l.m. montgomery#a.a. milne#winnie the pooh#the magic mountain#thomas mann#the importance of being earnest#oscar wilde#equal rites#terry pratchett#fight club#david fincher#florence and the machine#the smiths#the mysterious affair at styles#agatha christie
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Free Black Romance books!
From Dec 18-22 you can get Black romances in every genre for free on Amazon! Use the All Black Book Affair google docs link HERE to find authors/titles to binge for the holiday season. Happy reading!

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*in a Humphrey voice*
Your cousin, he wasn't wearing...boots with the fur, was he?
#And by chance#Was the whole club looking at him?#I'm so funny#Please laugh#bbc ghosts#The Thorne affair#humphrey bone#thomas thorne#ghosts#ghosts bbc
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[ DJ Mute City - Zero Gravity Club (Excerpt 1) ]
#omitted parts from a mix#DJ Mute City#my mixes#18 Carat Affair#Laurent Garnier#vaporwave#trance#trance music#future club#Y2K#cyberwave#zvidz#Mariko Mori#森 万里子
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youtube
This week I'm reviewing The Au Pair Affair by Tessa Bailey 🏒
Follow me on IG at @ritasbookclub for more content!
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there's codependent then there's whatever wans got going on about pleng
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I put too much effort into this shitpost. No you aren't getting context. Blame @xxnu11-sku11xx for this.
#toontown corporate clash#Jason Jinkins#dana s. charme#director of public affairs#desmond kerosene#Derrick Hand#chief executive officer#CEO#craig edgar oilcan#doki doki literature club
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thinking so many thoughts about rust saying he spent a month in Paris getting drunk on the steps of montmartre or whatever it was
#rust cohle#euro love affair maybe???????!!!#dear god i hope so#or was he there doing undercover shit#or both!#anyways im obsessed with the idea of him in france in the 80s#lounging by the seine with a bottle of rosé reading camus and sartre#flopping about being all sulky and tragic like he does except it's in a 20-something guy on a gap year way so it's basically normal#the way guys exactly like him probably would've been ten a penny in that context 😭😂 heeeeaving with backpacking grads and shit lmao#he would've gotten away with acting like that sooo easy he would've gotten b*tches!!!#also this is pre most of the tragedy in his life so im choosing to believe he was in the club back then#dancing like a wild boy to italo disco beats#crack but w/e#god if i was intelligent enough to write rust cohle I'd write the hell out of this
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