#That's at least 7 years! Probably more!
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LUFFY CHARM'S CHAIN SNAPPED 😭😭😭
#I got VERY lucky tonight. Oh my god. It broke in my pocket on the car ride home and not during the concert#A problem for tomorrow (while I'm watching the new episode) because I have not slept in 3 days. Gonna go do that now 👍#Does Amazon sell replacement phone charm straps? I feel like they would#Ignore my bag o masks in the background lol I keep a handful of disposable/reusable ones in there so I can grab one when I'm going out#Cruddy rambles#I'm seriously about to start crying over how grateful I am I didn't lose him. He was a gift from Callie!!#He's been with me since high school!#That's at least 7 years! Probably more!#Okay. Granted. When we lost contact I put him on my model pirate ship for a few years.#But still now that we're in touch again he's been coming out with me again#HE MEANS A LOT TO ME THATS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY
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Since book 7 part 5 (the part where we meet Meleanor/Maleanor 👀) is coming to EN this month, i would love to see your take on lilia’s proposal to meleanor! i mean they were like little kids right? it couldn’t have been that serious…i think the only reason she even brought it up again is because she could tell lilia still genuinely loved her…(even if he didn’t realize it himself?) but, oh well! Let’s think about silly childhood shenanigans to numb the pain! ^_^ (orz)
oh shit?! get ready for a doozy guys, it's comiiiiiing ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
I chickened out of posting the whole thing (look, I get VERY carried away when it comes to these wacky kids and their Tragedy), but I do believe that it probably ended with Lilia getting embarrassed and just shoving the first thing he sees into his mouth to try and cover for it.
(we're just lucky it wasn't a frog this time)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#please excuse the Dissertation that's about to happen (i have too much headcanon about them)#they've been ambiguous about most of the fae aging/developmental stages (plus lilia and mel's species age differently)#so this is entirely me assuming based on context#but i think that lilia being ~99 was probably about the equivalent of 9-10ish?#(i don't think his age maps perfectly onto 'human age times 10') (if only because i absolutely do not believe general lilia is 29)#(but in this case it feels right to me)#and i think of meleanor as being just slightly older (like ~11-12ish)#so like...kids but not LITTLE-little kids#so i think lilia was serious in a 'i have a huge crush on you and i haven't thought beyond that' kind of way#and meanwhile mel was more cognizant of how their dynamic was basically#lilia: i would die for you#meleanor: that's dumb#(lilia 600 years later: man she was right. that was dumb.)#but yeah I think she might've assumed (or hoped) he would grow out of it#except whoops oh no it just got worse#and then raverne made things MORE complicated and you know honestly maybe getting murdered was kind of a relief#meleanor in heaven: well at least he won't accidentally raise my kid to have the exact same -- are you kidding me#(i have too many thoughts to express properly i'm sorry) (i just. love these morons a lot okay.)
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Quite frankly still obsessed with the three of them
A little procrastination doodle
#one piece#portgas d ace#sabo#monkey d luffy#it’s 5 am and I do not have the time to be spending on procrastination doodles but that is neither here nor there#ft. my headcanons for their outfits as kiddos but not really because I think this is pretty close to canon#oversized jacket for sabo because I refuse to believe he has worn the same clothes after being a runaway for at least a few years#like kids grow so fast and I can see undersized jacket for that as well but I feel like undersized would just be uncomfy and restricting#straw hat is definitely too big for 7 year old luffy so I hc it goes around his neck more often than not#or sabo or ace gets annoyed at luffy for having his eyes blocked all the time while they’re fighting each other or hunting so they#eventually get luffy to wear it around his neck more#also you can’t convince me that the fuzz on luffy’s shorts is like… actual fur#I think it’s more like very frayed edges of denim if you know what I mean#ace with baggy pants because it’s what he deserves. baggy pants ftw#also probably bigger pockets for his pickpocketing#sabo complains about noble clothes like girls complain about small pockets#‘what are they even supposed to hold. why are they so tight. this is just them trying to get us to buy expensive bags’
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oh captain my captain i didn't know what league of legends game was when i watched arcane. so i thought the plot was alright since i didn't (still don't) know the game lore. if it wasn't basically a prequel story, trying to aim the characters at the way they are in canon, do u think the plot and character arcs would have held up alright? or does that actually make the arcane canon story worse since it wouldn't at least have the existing canon as something it needed to land at eventually as an excuse for any "out of character" decisions? thank u
i wouldnt even call it a prequel story? its like a very elaborate au in a sense, one that feels comfortable changing things to a certain extent- clothes, personality adjustments, motivations, but they still have to hit certain beats. vi has to be an enforcer, jinx has to be a wild card harley quinn type, ekkos time powers ect ect. idk WHAT it is maybe the show needed more time or tighter focus or less characters but i just felt that like, some of the story decisions directly relating to LoL lore werent outright bad but didnt have a lot of time to breathe. the standout example being ekkos time thing, where when i watched that scene i assumed it was both a stylistic representation of a fight and establishing his and jinx's prior relationship (which is kind of too little too late considering they did not fucking speak once as kids pre time skip), and then i had to get a friend to explain to me for SEVERAL MINUTES that he literally died during that fight and it was supposed to be showing his rewind thing. it just wasnt clear at all and his character would not change in the slightest if he didnt have it. but you cant NOT include it so. *
really i have no clue the full extent of the story the writers wanted to tell and how much LoL is binding their hands on story beats. and i REALLY dont want to be inflexible considering i still have a full season coming up that might make me more receptive to certain decisions. but considering how much of the cast i REALLY like just straight up are not in the game, i think they are fully capable of making a solid story completely divorced from league
*someone in the comments told me apparently that Wasnt his time thing and my original read of the scene was correct so im not gonna hold it against the show.
#basically anytime i was like huh thats weird#my friend would lean over and go thats league shit#and then i just kind of sit there. Huh#asks#Anonymous#obviously its a massive step up from league both aesthetics wise and like. as a cohesive narrative#i hate you vi undercut/dreadlocks you are so nasty#but i read like this short except drabble from her bio on the website and. look im sorry#i kind of like that she fucking sucks#it gives her a direction at least#like theyre trying to align arcane violet with the choices of a version of her that seems completely antithetical#but again i cant even get that deep into it we dont know how long her fucking enforcer phase will last!#a month? a year? who knows! we dont even know if she likes it#and LoL vi clearly revels in that kind of violence#idk something about her shittiness made her more engaging#whatever i hope in season two she loses so many fights its important to me actually#like its insane this is going to sound so fucking mean but i like her less bc she wins so goddamn much#i compare her to like. gideon nav obviously but also the protagonist of monkey man#and both of those things kind of emphasize those characters losing Hard. chapter 2 of gtn is her getting her ass beat#it just makes the wins later more satisfying#but idk maybe its supposed to be balanced by her emotional losses but the story feels so. removed from it?#spent like 7 years in prison we see none of it she comes out of there like she wasnt incarcerated in an adult facility since age 15#and now a girl she spent at the LONGEST a week with but probably closer tk 2-3 days is the same level of emotional import as her sister#SHAKING the writers i am not SOLD why is she LIKE THIS#cough. anyway
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I'm watching Star Trek: The Animated Series for the first time, and I'm only 52 seconds in, and I'm already smiling so much it hurts. It feels unreal to hear "new" (at least for me) content from the cast. I love star trek so much.
#star trek#I'm probably going to delete this later‚ but I just felt the need to post this right now#It's so overwhelming to hear their voices.#Like‚ I can easily turn on the TV and watch tos‚ but I've seen each episode at least 7 times‚ some more than 20#I always knew TAS existed but I was never able to watch it.#I'm honestly glad I'm watching it now rather than a few years ago because I don't think it would make me feel this happy
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Four years?! FOUR YEARS!? You're telling me that it only took four years for Thorfinn and Canute to go from looking like this...
to THIS!?
Damn, why didn't puberty hit me like it hit them!?
#vinland saga#vinland saga season 2#the timeline of season 2 is so confusing to me ngl#for all of the politics and stuff to happen I'd assumed it had been almost a decade by now or at least like 7 years#they probably mentioned more specific timing earlier in the season and i just don't remember#but still...look at these guys lmao
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Putting 'geets is a cat' in my own tags has me laughing so hard thinking about how Bulma 'My Dad is an Avid Animal Rescuer' Briefs could probably circumvent Geets getting in the way during his 'I'm quitting fighting forever' phases by giving him his own little tasks to do that mimic hers
look at this little business man
#genuinely he was a commanding officer/lord and outside of battle most of his 25+ year career was probably just. Management.#with how messy bulma is geets is probably a major asset. I bet her lab/office is never more organized than when he's home#that said it is VERY funny to think that he was annoyingly rigid and getting in the way of Bulma's creative process at the beginning of#the 7 year gap so she just started giving him Very Important random busywork to stave off his depression but keep him out of her way#We know geets is also scientific and I hc he knows some basic mechanical engineering (to keep from falling victim to a ship breaking down)#nothing super advanced but enough to help out here and there and at least offer alien solutions to earthling tech problems#maybe she made him help her “fix” the gravity room and then test it out and that's how he started training again aw
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er something something thinking about when ppkm started changing their hairstyles and then another adult ppkm almost kissing they keep doing this on my canvas guys get them out of here!! I'm trying to work!
#roi draws#butterfly soup#ppkm#throws these at you and pretends to not be so busy that I have to constantly be taking heart rate lowering medication 24/7#sweats sweats sweats sorry can I for a moment. I need to do a LARGE amount of math I need to pay my taxes before sunday ?? I need to pack#150 more puppy orders I need to edit 101 photos and take and edit an additional 248 i have to do my LAUNDRY i need to clean#I need to draw ppkm at least once a day or I'll die. I have a fanfiction i am supposed to be updating sorry guys u didn't come here for my#to do list you came here for my ppkm thoughts! okay ppkm thoughts#PERSONALLY i think that they probably change their hairstyles before they leave high school . halfway through senior year?#but honestly I don't . maybe not ponytail noelle till college (that was my ponytail era before i chopped it so so short . ) um and.#something very intimate about hair. brushing hair touching hair. hair compliments. Idk. I just think it's neat I think they are in gay love#NOVEL TAGS!!#about me#ig since i rambled for so long. this is embarrassing.#OH WAIT one more thing. miniature cameo of the senior year outfits balls on my face designed <3
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decided to make a list of all my diagnosed issues and like fucking. god damn. how am i just living day to day.
#nine bullet points#of diagnosed things i struggle#i struggle with#1. type one diabetes 2. adhd 3. bipolar 4. severe anxiety 5. depression 6. insomnia 7. migraines 8. dpdr 9. ptsd#and im just ?? existing like this??? literally how what the fuck#there’s more than that too thats just like the actual able to be diagnosed shit#probably also at least slightly autistic but my psychologist said that its not bad enough to impact me big time and a diagnosis would do mor#more harm than good so im just kind. Not lmao#but also: abandonment issues self worth issues guilty conscience issues feeling unworthy of literally everything issues#awful at establishing boundaries#sh issues#(not for like years but its a struggle to not relapse every year esp during winter)#suicidal ideation but at least ive never actually been suicidal#not bc i particularly love being alive but because the fact that i dont know what comes after death scares me too much lmao#even at my lowest of lows i have not wanted to kms SOLELY bc the unknown scares me enough to be like#yeah this sucks but at least i know it#at least it’s like familiar which is sad but still true lma#OH ALSO eating disorder lmao. diabulimia is a thing.#genuinely how have i not been fucking hospitalized#not in a bad way but like. idk how i havent gotten to that point yet#tho to be fair there are multiple points i probably should have been tbh#i just. dont want to worry people? or inconvenience anyone. and i know im not gonna kms so its easy to be like ‘i dont need that’#i have overshared way too much in these tags sorry i’ll stop now#if anyone has actually read all of these: i’m sorry. i love you. i hope you feel better than i do. i hope you smiled today.
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Realized it’s been over a year since I last drew him and couldn’t stand by that
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#seth my beloved <3#fun fact! he’s very likely my oldest currently used oc#I’m pretty sure I made the rest of the magic cat world for him and if that’s true then he’s at least older than the magic cat world#and he’s also older than eternal gales so that’s another batch of main ocs that he is older than#the only real competition is lace since she’s also super old but alas I have no way of knowing how old she is#she could easily be older than seth but even if she is she’s only been like a real oc for the past few months lol#she was originally just another one off story concept I was obsessed with for like a month and then kinda dropped#I say kinda because she’s probably the only story from that era that managed to resurface every now and then#like it is legitimately quite impressive that she’s from that era and yet managed to be named and remembered for years to come#like I need to make clear I did not name characters very often back then and when I did I usually forgot their names within the day#my memory Sucked back then even more so than it does now#the fact that I can remember as much as I do abt lace in her original form is baffling to me#but still she did go into slumber for like 4-7 years so she doesn’t have the history that seth has to me#the biggest thing I mourn is that I don’t have the original art of seth anymore and haven’t for years#I originally got him from a scratch dta and the host project has been deleted#chances are the original designer doesn’t have the original drawing anymore either 😔#I probably had it downloaded on my school laptop at the time but I obviously can’t access that anymore#idk maybe I imported it onto one of the other projects I drew seth in#I should go look later just to make sure even tho I’m pretty sure they won’t be there
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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I don't have a lot of energy these days [because of The Horrors] so I'm looking at my day and my priorities and trying to plan how I'm going to spend what energy I have, because I do need to be able to rest and relax but there are also things that need doing and that is a careful balance for me.
I managed to [mostly] clean the kitchen last night so I've kicked it out of the priority list until next weekend. Unfortunately the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and my office all need cleaning too. I think of the priorities, my office and the bedroom are the most important to me, so I'll probably push the living room and bathroom until at least Friday.
There's also the laundry. I don't have any clean clothes and as we're moving into winter I need to be more rigid about getting that done because days where the clothes can be dried on the line will be more limited. So I definitely need to wash an outfit or two and hang them up in the next hour.
That's already a really busy day, so I'll probably cut it there. But it's definitely going to still leave me a lot of work this week. Half my cleaning, at least one more round of laundry, settling dog food for the next couple of weeks, planting the fall/winter greens, doing some set up work on my computer, work on some writing projects, cleaning out the fridge, and patching some worn clothes. My work week isn't insane atm, but it is definitely limiting. Right now I have 6+4+0+4+2+5+5= 25 non work/non-survival needs (sleep, food, shower, etc) hours available each week. I need to figure out a regukar distribution of these that means everything is getting done and I still have an hour a day to myself as often as possible. I think it's probably not realistic to give myself more than an hour a day for free time/fun, which is a bit unfortunate because I've found in the past that my floor tends to be getting 2-3hrs of free time most days because of how I deal with transition and decision-making.
25-7 [1hr per day] is 18 hrs, so I just need to decide where and how to distribute those in order to keep pace with things.
Lets say the garden needs 3hrs per week, the laundry needs 4 hours (specifically 2 sets of 2 morning/early afternoon hours), the cleaning needs an hour a day to get through a maintenance clean of the house, and 3 hours once a week to work down any deep cleaning that's built up. Which is....already three more hours than I actually have each week. So I guess I'll make a plan to work in the garden for 20-40min of 4 of my free hours each week.
It really doesn't leave me any wiggle room. Only about 4 hours a week that isn't explicitly allotted to something that needs doing, which means there will probably me a lot of weeks where I only get an hour or so at best across the whole thing for free time. I guess I've had a hard time accepting that at this point, having actual time for myself or a time-intensive project is only available if I've taken a day off work. I love my job, but it's ... not comfortable to realize that it's the only love in my life I actually have time for anymore.
I think that's probably why I end up here so much. It's this mindless little way of zoning out into my own head, dissociating away from the exhaustion, for a few minutes at a time. I keep thinking I want to use this space differently, make it more if the things I enjoy. But I think what I really want is just to actually have the time and energy to do things I love that take work. I keep crying a few times every day and I couldn't figure out why, but like
I dunno
Why **wouldn't** I cry a little every day? It's the closest I'm getting to actual emotional release or relaxation in my life. We'd probably all cry. Heck. A lot of us probably DO, capitalism being what it is.
I guess I'm starting to wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. What is there left for me to sacrifice to this life? What is actually serving me about not just letting myself go up like a fireball and take my surroundings with me? What in the ever loving fuck am I fighting this hard for?
All I ever want, all I want now, is to be able to live. To really, actually live. How does wanting to live bring you this close to killing yourself, whether on accident or on purpose? What am I actually doing that is LIVING and what am I doing that is FACILITATION of living? It can't all be facilitation, or I'm not actually facilitating fuck all.
I'm 30 goddamn years old and I need to figure out what it looks like to actually love my life. I fundamentally refuse to zombify myself like this for everyone else around me forever.
#i really wanted to believe that if i just sat down and did the math i'd be able to figure it out.#but there is literally not enough time in the day for me to do all this.#i suppose i could sleep less. it's...not great for me to get less than 9 hrs a day#but i could probably pull it off for brief stints#a week on a week off or something#get an extra two hours a day that way#and then of course there's my old go to#i could just stop eating or taking care of myself#lord knows it's my well-being that restri ts my time more than anything else#and if i work myself to death like mom did instead of committing suicide at least the life insurance pays out#in case anyone gives wifey inheritance trouble#i already don't eat until dinner so that part won't give me a TON of extra time#but an hour a day at the end of the night to write does sound lovely so it might be worth it#on the weeks i sleep less i could use my 2 extra hours a day to do ingredient prep so that wifey's food doesn't go to waste as much#maybe even work on the garden and the yard's facilities a bit. i have a few projects that need time and attention so those'd fot in#if i cut my pain meds too i could put an extra $50/week back in my budget and i could use that for project supplies and emergency funds#god even thinking about this is making me so tired.#i don't know what this will leave of me#i've been doing this so long now#feels like the last time i remember having a consistent hour to myself every day was my BA sophomore year#and that was the first time too lmao#i'd spent high school waking up at 3am every day after going to bed at 12am because I needed to do my hw in the mornings#my bus left at 7:30am and i had to do all my paper assignments - make myself lunch for the day - wash dishes/tidy the kitchen - and THEN#i could finally make sure i had my shit together for the bus and maybe nap for 5min#then i didn't get home from school until 4pm and i had to fix the kitchen from whatever my parents did before i got back#then make dinner for the family#then clean the living room from whatever the pets had dome all day#then take the dog for her nightly walk and take a shower#and usually sometime after dinner around 9pm I would get permission to run to my room and try to get a head start on my hw before 11pm#that was my lights out curfew so it gave me a blessed single guaranteed hour to do something for me.....assuming i could stay conscious
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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making myself suffer looking thru ffxiv stuff on tumblr when i could be playing ffxiv rn but i eternally love and miss ffxiv
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#Ough... oooooggghhhhh..........#unrelated but i will probably make my next theme mr leon kennedy bcs how iehehebfknsnd i am over him lately#is... kinda insane! silly <3#like. damn! damn. amidst darkest despair light everlasting.#ffxiv is so so so so so crazy from 1.0 to 6.0 and beyond and soon 7.x and and and#i miss raiding :( i miss my friends in ffxiv too. esp my best friend.#def will get back into raiding by the time 7.x ultimate comes out bcs GOD !!! god.#and okay pandaemonium & eden are my fav tiers aesthetic and story and fight wise#and memory wise bcs eden 9-12 was my first ever savage tier. meant a lot to me. still does#i played through that shit when i was . 14 y/o and newly 15 y/o LMFAO#and then pandaemonium just like. the year after. when i was 15 y/o... not even reaching 16. damn.#it's tough playing ffxiv when you're young but it's nice seeing more & more ppl around my age playing#even tho these guys most likely did Not start playing when they were like. 13/14 y/o. since i started on my bday LMFAO#it's crazy bcs i am playing w majority adults and maybe the occasional minor who is still like. at least almost an adult#^^ back then i mean bcs ok the closest friend i made when i was on eu was this guy 3 yrs older than me. that is already insane to me.#and my best friend since i'm now on oce is still a year older than me!#and it's silly (?) bcs eu i tried to hide my age at first but then they kinda found out bcs probably the way we r is just. too Different LOL#but i mean obvs it changed some stuff bcs it would be weird for probably 30 year old to be besties w a half their age kid#but the whole lil fc was just rlly sweet. :(( made a great friend i see as my big bro i am still friends w. that probably 30 y/o guy and the#kinda mom of the fc lowkey saw me & my twin as sweet kids. the person we got into xiv was like a big bro figure too and Damn his gf is rlly#cool! and the uni age students were super cool and fun to talk w. and the friends of my close friend who were also my friends were so fun.#i miss that but i look back on it all fondly ..... :3 and then w oce it's a bit more complicated bcs#i haven't had much time or opportunities to Find a group like that? but instead i found a best friend :((#rlly close in age and w similar likes and interests and personality..... etc etc etc.......#and separately the static i & my twin joined was. Funny lol! it's silly bcs we kinda had to hide we were lil 15 y/o kids w these guys who#were all at least uni. and all of these guys were def 20-30 y/o#and one guy liked making Daddy jokes (nothing bad tho LMFAO) bcs. hesperos sheesh!#silly bcs bunch of aussies and we were almost all miqos and Thankfully ye god one other filipino YAY !!!!!#anyway. max tags. so i love ffxiv man. i miss it always even when i'm playing it.
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I know I'm spending too much time on Tumblr cause y'all just call me Harlenn
I just got caught off guard when someone who I know keeps calling my by my dead name did exactly that.
I'm so used to hearing the name I want to that I got blindsided and also it's making me re-evaluate my friend choices...
#like I get that its a little harder to get used to calling someone you've known for 7+ years by a new name#(as opposed to people who've known me for all of a month lolol)#but good friends at least make an effort....#or I feel like they should#how many times have I told them now that Im enby? i have a choker with the trans and enby flags on it and they keep commenting on that#they keep asking about the bigender pin on my backpack#so I feel like AT THE BARE MINIMUM using they/them for me shouldn't be that difficult#hell call me an “it” like my brother probably would if he weren't so insistant that I am a “she”#just something other than the constant deadnaming and entirely incorrect pronouns#idle speaks#queenie rambles#(if you're curious as to why I have trans enby and bigender things its bc I have no clue what the gender is half the time)#i usually tell people Im nonbinary because its a general term and easier to explain/more accepted than being bigender#i could probably get away with saying Im genderfluid but it just doesn't really feel right to me#it works if Im talking about the whole system#but not to much for me on my own#and then there's that constant question of “am I just trans and haven't figured it out yet?”#but that's pretty quickly followed by “no but sometimes I like being a girl so that can't be it”#idk#gender is weird#confusion
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https://youtu.be/nu3Eg2O4vzs
did you hear this flower song
YEAH I HAVE AHKDJSHDSJFHKEHKEJKMGE it's been in my playlist for god knows how long ngl. also that cover is a banger
#asks#song recs#for the record my playlist currently has 373 songs#and i'm pretty sure at least 90% of it is vflower#the other 7%? well. probably nurse robot type t at this point#and the remaining is just other vocal synths#if you ask me if i've heard a flower song there's a 60% chance i did HKJSHDKJHFJKHEDG#though that song is such a banger. like i added that more than a year ago and i think it still slaps
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