#hating himself for ‘doing’ this to komik hating that he gets komik hurt hating that he’s kind of happy with komik getting hurt because

[carnivalls]

VALLL please tell me more about cato & komik, i don't think i know about them yet!

jude my beloved how does this kindly april find you..

cato & komik are. essentially a tragedy in the making - supporting characters at the academy, childhood best friends with a shy helpless crush on each other. however, with cato coming from a wealthy family and pressure put on him to eventually marry and produce kids, and komik… not so much fitting the bill there (as another boy, who also manifested dangerous unpredictable magic in his early teens), these feelings were not quite ever acted on.

this is more due to cato’s internalized homophobia and panic over disappointing his parents than komik’s own reluctance, but komik has his own flaws in turn. like: doormatting all too easily for cato, under the (real but irrelevant here) excuse of not wanting to pressure him into anything. komik is a bit of a pushover in regards to cato specifically, so despite knowing he likes him and that cato likely does feels the same, he won’t act on it unless cato does first. also cause - well - cato doesn’t need the added stressor, you know? he’s already got so much up to live up to as his parents’ golden boy (despite komik’s parents also being quite wealthy he’s got an older sister re: producing heirs, and his family is more normal about homosexuality as is) … if he wants komik like that he can say so on his own terms… it’s okay… komik will wait for him and take what he can get, what cato wants to give.

meanwhile cato can barely acknowledge these feelings to himself, let alone even think about komik feeling the same, but he knows he’s selfishly, unusually desperate to keep komik close, to be there for him, to hold him, etc.

so what’s the socially acceptable form of that? a mage/core duo, of course ❗️

where sure, now their whole dynamic is reframed in terms of power and subjugation, and komik is half stripped of his previous status and pretty much seen in the eyes of the world as Lesser than cato and also sometimes gets hurt because of him, and cato can truly never act on any feelings for him now given how guilty he feels over said dehumanization (even if it was komik’s choice: see, being a smitten pushover) & hurting, but. hey. it’s a way for them to stay together, and it’s a way to excuse any affection between them, and it’s a way to also not disappoint his parents. so.

yeah the rituals to touch another man’s skin are intricate here. they are so fine with how everything is turning out