#That you run into every so often
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14 year old artists listen to me right now (gripping you by the shoulders) STOP caring about your "internet presence" right naow. Draw slower and stop trying to boil your art down to an acceptable marketable brand
#stop trying to finish every piece in one session so you can post more often... you're hurting yourself in the long run#i know from personal experience !!! please#you also don't have to post everything you draw... don't be afraid to do studies in case they look bad#you're not obligated to post them. studies probably will look shit at first but it's fine
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Anybody want to explain to me why the fuck I pay dumbass taxes for the slags at my public office to drag ass like someone's making them work with a ton of bricks on their backs? With wait times over an hour long- your asses better be having psychedelic visions delivered to you by an angel. Fucking ridiculous.
HAUL ASS BITCH!!!!!*
2 Hours and they hung up "and are closed." I will vote against you in every public election do you hear me.
edit: Being an idiot is dangerous because I forgor it was literally Veteran's Day -> like it didn't register for me -> who the fuck would be working on Veteran's Day (as like a fed office :| ) I'M STUPID!!!!!!!!!! > O <
#mosey chatters#I feel so old complaining about it but it's also just like- one of those things#That you run into every so often#/ O \#that are just unavoidable (if u don't want even More problems at least...)#Why do we pay slugs to drag.#How little do others get paid to work like the devil is coming to collect and these bitches do 1 thing an hour?#I'm being too harsh#But by God am I annoyed.#Update: I will end their family lines.
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「Demo WIP」 Can y'all watch my plant real quick? 🍈
#Y'all ever plant a Filipino cantaloupe and it just randomly grows into a giant human overnight? No??? Just me???????#Anyways!! Don't be fooled this is literally just reskinned Ren Bot from Discord lmao#The RenPy to Pycord back to RenPy pipeline is real#Will I ever come back to this project?? Mayhaps not.... We'll see#My plan is to turn it into a comfy window game that you can have running in the background#It'll play some lo-fi beats and let you feed/pet Sage every so often to level their affection meters#Higher affection will yield better responses + maybe an outfit/scenery change#You can also talk to them the same way you talk to Ren Bot (for those familiar with him in the Discord server)#So you could like.... talk about your day and Sage will listen ^^#I also wanna add a dynamic background that corresponds to your local computer time.... If I feel ambitious enough hehe#But for now?? lazy 2 hour sketches featuring MAD inspo from the FFXIV dancer gear bghsdjgd#game dev#visual novel#maybe???? is she??#clicker game? pet sim?? knock-off honeydew Tamagotchi?? we just don't know#queue.#to be tagged later
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Looking into silversmithing classes so I too can create jewellery to doom nations
#there's a local guild that runs begginers lessons every so often 👀#but there's also a woodworking short course that's calling to meeeee#but who's ever gone mad with woodworking you know?
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It genuinely keeps me up at night that when Van Eck attempts to reveal to the Merchant Council that Wylan can’t read, they all react exactly as Wylan feared they would. (Spoilers ahead!) Of course since they don’t believe him and Wylan’s brilliant memory for Jesper’s words protects him we don’t see the full force of their response, but it is made PAINFULLY clear that they all would have responded the same way Van Eck did - “How could you say such things about your own blood?”. It’s an incredibly meaningful and arguably subtle detail that Bardugo implements to remind the reader that although Van Eck was our main antagonist in this case, there is no singular villain in this story because what the characters are fighting is an ultimately unbeatable source. The system is impossible to truly defeat because it is a hydra, we see that when Dryden’s father died he took on the role of the Council and acted the exact same way he did, and if Van Eck had raised Wylan to one day take over from him then he too would have been forcibly moulded into that shape by the poisonous environment of this governing body. The defeat of Van Eck, had Kaz not amended his will to name Wylan his inheritor, would have been only that: the downfall of a singular man, to be easily replaced by another with the same dangerously capitalistic values and crude methods of implementing them. It would not have been any change in the system that oppresses the main characters - I think it’s kind of similar to the Hunger Games (spoilers ahead) when Katniss chooses to kill Coin instead of Snow because she realises that killing Snow doesn’t actually change the system if someone else will simply step into his shoes. We also see this reflected in Kaz and his mission to destroy Rollins, since by doing so he too has taken the actions Rollins did. When Inej points out their similarities he denies it, saying “I don’t sell girls, I don’t con helpless kids out of their money”. Inej replies with the gentle, HEARTBREAKING sentence: “Look at the floor of the Crow Club, Kaz”. And this is so important because Kaz has no consideration for what happens to those people once they step outside his door. How do they fair after he scams them? How many of them have had no other money to fall back on? Did one of them sell their daughter to be able to pay off their debts to him? He’d never know, he just had the money and that’s all he thinks about. But if that girl survived long enough to want revenge, who would she blame? Say she didn’t want to blame her parents, like Kaz doesn’t want to blame Jordie, then who becomes the manifestation of all her hatred, the one thing she has decided that destroying will cure her? Kaz does. Just as Rollins has for him.
Every system of this city is a hydra, and there are so many beautifully written reminders of this without forcing it down our throats, but there is also the hope of genuine, real change. In Wylan, joining the Merchant Council as someone opposed to its views, as someone who has lived in both sides of this city and been abused by both of them, as someone who understands that real change is hard to implement. In Inej, as she journeys against the system that abused her not for revenge, but for the protection of all the children who have been hurt and killed, of all the children being hurt and killed, and of all the children who would have been hurt and killed if she didn’t stop the slavers who sought them, as someone who knows that real change is action. In Jesper, as someone raised far from the suffocating closed-minded atmosphere of the Merchant Council and who can support Wylan through it, as someone who knows that striving for real change is messy and chaotic, but that it’s where he thrives. In Matthias, who died believing that the world could truly change, who died believing in Nina, believing in himself, and believing that his death was a necessary sacrifice to real change, even though he wanted it to be peaceful. In Nina, as someone who had learned that real change cannot always be won with violence, as someone who will learn to use her new power to restructure a civilisation, as someone who will spend the rest of her life striving for change because nothing could ever be worse than her beloved having died in vain. And in Kaz, in the small ways, in the fear of what he could become that will hold him back from becoming the next head of the hydra, in his love for Inej shifting his perception of the world, and in his slow journey of healing, maybe one day killing Rollins will be enough. And if that doesn’t work, he’ll burn the world down and start it all again.
#every so often I start to think I’ve run out of posts for you guys#then something like this hits me#there’s always something new to say#i love it#grishaverse#six of crows#leigh bardugo#crooked kingdom#inej ghafa#kaz brekker#nina zenik#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#matthias helvar#kanej#wesper#helnik#book analysis#fantasy books#soc analysis#soc analyst#soc meta#assorted analsyis - grishaverse
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I reiterate that if you're going to ask people for donations, you will come across as extremely suspicious if you spam their inbox. People are likely to report and/or block you, thinking you're a bot. If you need donations, I do not recommend going about like this. I really, REALLY do not recommend it.
#blog post#not helpol#i am tired of the spam y'all#literally every single day since I've opened my ask box back up#i have gotten a SHIT TON of random people asking me for donations#which is somewhat silly considering i was literally just running my own donations#so no I'm sorry but i won't be answering asks about donations#i don't think it's ok to that personally; it feels really invasive and is extremely suspicious#because you know who else comes into your inbox asking you for money? bots. bots do that exact thing.#it's extremely difficult to know who to trust especially when gofundme isn't supported in gaza#nor is paypal actually#they ciuld just be using a VPN but i don't know enough about VPN to comment on that confidently#but i feel it's important that people are sceptical honestly#because there are assholes who will scam you and take advantage of your kindness for others#don't buy into a potential scam especially at a time where supporting oneself is often already a challenge
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*dreamy sigh* i am once again thinking about butch women
#i will continue to maintain that i don’t have a type#but i will also admit that no one makes me blush more than butch women😔#insane feat btw because i blush like it’s my job around women😔😔#one of the hottest experiences of my life that i think of FREQUENTLY#was a butch pet store employee passionately talking to me about fish tanks (i do not and did not have or plan to have fish)#that happened like four years ago and i still think about it SO often#i would die for her#butch women you are all so hot and out of my league and i am actually obsessed with you#god i hope every butch out there has a good day#i’d blow you all forehead kisses but you make me too shy sorry#for the full butch meeting me irl experience i am instead sending you mental enthralled glances when you aren’t looking#and running full speed away if we make eye contact <3
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amab and afab, if they were used as shorthand for the actual full phrases that they signify, with emphasis on the "assigned" part, and an understanding that they are enforcements of normative (ie, dyadic and cisgender and binary) sex, would be like. really useful. but people took the terms and started using them as shorthand FOR normative sex instead of the ENFORCEMENT OF normative sex. so when other trans people (almost always dyadic trans people) ask for your agab they are almost always asking for your Original Genital Situation. your starting point, so to say. and the reason FOR asking is also almost always bc they are trying to also enforce a certain kind of normativity within queer spaces (which is stupid bc being queer is inherently non-normative but here we are). like, you cant be a lesbian if you're ftm, bc you ARE m, so if you ARE a lesbian, then that means you're lying about some aspect of your identity. does that make sense?
it is always always always incredibly.... i do not trust dyadic trans people that use cagab terms, even moreso than i do not trust dyadic trans people that just use agab terms. agab is also coopted intersex language, but the "coercive" part of cagab SPECIFICALLY refers to medical "intervention" of intersex characteristics, such as "corrective" surgeries and hrt. i am deeply fucking suspicious of any dyadic trans person that uses those terms exactly the same as described above, even moreso if they do so bc "all gender is coercive".
like. yeah. that's true. but you use these terms to erase and overtake intersex discussions on the medical abuse of intersex infants. and i cant help but wonder why you would feel the need to do that.
#iirc it was also common to tirf ideology and the baeddel group#< notoriously intersexist group#to say nothing of any other tirf beliefs#both of these misuses of agab and cagab come from the same source#but it is . deeply disconcerting with cagab#bc its like. that is such a lesser known term in the greater dyadic trans community#you would HAVE to have known what it originally meant#either YOU are misusing it INTENTIONALLY#or someone TAUGHT you to misuse it INTENTIONALLY#people that are cruel and bigoted always want to believe theyre good people#so its hard to convince them when they are being bigoted#esp as marginalized people#and especially as a marginalized people that is particularly affected by the same enforcement of normative sex#the more i learned about this the more i learned abt intersexism in trans spaces#the more i notice it. its so fucking pervasive#and like u should care abt intersexism on its own but its like#no surprise that the ppl misusing cagab terms usually are transandrophobic (as the discourse du jour) and exorsexist#these things go together and reinforce each other#anyways it sucks bc ill see a BEAUTIFULLY written analysis of transmisogyny but so often there will be#like one thing. two things maybe.#and ill go to ops blog search a few keywords and lo and behold#they are transphobic. they are intersexist. they are racist. they are aphobic.#all forms of exclusionist politic in the queer community just lead into each other ad infinitum#nauseating... and#i will read the theory of people who disgust me or who are fundamentally wrong abt other ppls experiences bc i think they still have#valuable things to say but i am SO FUCKING TIRED of running into the same goddamn problem EVERY fucking time#i think its just the posts that get circulated the most that are like that#bc i think the majority of people dont actively seek out and learn abt new queer theory as it rolls in#or other ppls experiences in general#so they dont learnt to recognize the red flags or even realize why its bad in the first place
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Sometimes I try to write down thoughts about this campaign but I admittedly have not been paying enough attention to feel confident in my character analysis so I write an incoherent text post and then delete it because I don't know if I'm actually making the correct judgments.
#cr spoilers#in the tags#so i'm going to rant in here instead if you keep reading past this you can't get mad at me#anyway i want to talk about ashton#and how they would have been absolutely intolerable in c1 or c2#where every character was invested in saving the world#for one reason or another#and c3 is just like#orym is the only one talking sense and everyone else is just like 'well maybe?'#but matt also said something about being ready for exandria to shift drastically based on their chocie#and if matt weren't ready for exandria to change ashton would be harder to watch than they are now#idk taliesin does quite often play around with hypocrisy with his characters so i'm not really surprised#by ashton claiming to stand up for the little person and then going and being willing to blow up their entire world#like they're not actually thinking about the 'little person'#they're thinking about themselves and that's really it#but yeah i do keep waiting for someone to say something that gives ashton that realization#that they can't use their trauma as an excuse to blow up everyone else's lives#idk i'm running out of steam#it's interesting to watch taliesin play around with this#but i've got to say that if they don't make a fucking choice about what they're actually going to do#idk i'm just ready for them ALL to stop waffling#okay now i'm done#i still have a lot of thoughts but i'd have to rewatch the whole campaign to feel confident in my talking points#and that's not going to happen lol
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can ppl in this fandom like... stop... implying that transmasculinity in hcs or (especially) canon is shallow or misogynistic or even transmisogynistic on princible, like literally just by being prescent in someones mind or in the text. like that doesnt fuckin feel good. thats kind of really nasty to imply. if its not okay to say about other trans experiences, maybe dont say it about this one either. why is there a weird little exception here. yall KNOW how much that sucks to hear all day every day. what the fuck
#my t#idk how to tell the hs fandom that every piece of trans coding in roxy in hs1 can be read as transmasc too. like transfem and transmasc#at the same time from the EXACT same reasons. its almost like we all share experiences just by way of being trans. weird i know#its almost like being trans rlly truly highlights what it is to be human and how we are all in fact at the end of the day human together#i just want everyone to stop trying to 'poke holes' in other fans trans hcs FULL STOP across the board no matter who they are#or what the hc is. its needlessly hurtful and more often than not trips into real peoples dysphoria which then#makes the target more likely to lash out. so the person poking them abt it can do a ''SEE? THEYRE ALL MEAN ONE OF THEM#WAS MEAN TO ME JUST NOW'' routine. its so obviously a 'im not touching u!!!' playground maneuver like holy fuck grow up#if you wanna fight for transfem/me folks right to just exist random fans personal headcanons is not the fuckin time or place#the XY in roxys name could be read as her having been DMAB or it could be hussie having a long running giggle about him preordering#his own transmasculinity. roxys colour being pink could be bc shes a girl or it could be compcis!!!#roxys desperation for a bf is from loneliness in canon but its often read as her feeling like she needs one to be a real girl#it can ALSO be read as another aspect of him struggling with compcis and comphet esp w/ his fantasies abt being 'a mother'#yknow what i never fuckin see that rlly highlights the fact that this is just a shitty 'girls rule boys drool' thing? theres like. no#discussions on the potential of roxy being any kinda intersex. absolutely none. he could be mtftm for all you fuckin know#but oh yknow being mtftm is A Shallow Read so we cant have that. hs is only for girls didnt you know we need to terf- i mean turf#out every single instance of queer mascness bc its Evil in the text didnt you know#god help the fandoms word of god token trans boy dirk strider for 'choosing' his eternal misery while everyone else is enlightened#by way of transforming into a girl. bc we must place girlhood on an inhuman pedistal of perfection and niceness and joy and rainbows#like what IS this mahou shojo brand gender essentialism???? im fuckin sick of it#can we remember that girlhood isnt & wasnt safe or joyful for everyone & that that can translate into how we curate our fandom experiences
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just got caught up with bob's burgers, and so far I'm enjoying season 14 much more than I expected to!
not to say I went into these new episodes assuming I wouldn't like them, but certainly the past few seasons (10–12 for sure) have fallen into a rut where like, there's a handful of episodes that are pretty solid, there's one or two that annoy me enough to skip over on any rewatch, and the majority are deeply neutral. the plots are just okay, the jokes are a little lacking, but the fundamental dynamics are still there, and I like those enough that bob's remains one of my go-to shows to have on in the background, even if I don't feel inspired or compelled enough to engage with the show the way I used to
but season 14 has been an unexpected departure (and actually, I think the back half of 13 as well) — it's funny, because I don't actually think the show is as funny as it used to be, but they're taking bigger swings with the plots in a way that's very rewarding to watch! I don't mind that there are fewer jokes, because I'm invested in the more emotional turns the show is taking
like—holy shit, "the amazing rudy"? a standout from start to finish. and I think a great example of what this season is doing in terms of its emotional arcs, and what I'm glad it's leaning into
I've felt very neutral toward bob's the past couple years, because it's felt so staid. there's an accepted level of consistency that bob's or any other animated sitcom maintains, and I get that, but I think the show really really struggled in its recent seasons with honoring that consistency, roughly maintaining the status quo, while also creating plots that were—and this sounds bad to say—but, plots that were interesting. there were a lot of low stakes, anticlimactic resolutions, unexciting premises—situations where there's not a lot of room for the writing to go, and not a lot for the characters to play off
but what I think this latest season is doing so well is leaning into its history, taking advantage of all the episodes of relationships and interactions and story they've developed to create setups that really fucking land! "the amazing rudy" is a phenomenal episode, but would it have hit as well in season 4 or 5, when we've only met rudy a handful of times? maybe, but I think it's so much more rewarding as this late series entry, when it can pay off all the previous mentions of rudy's home life, his relationship with his dad, his relationship with his—until this ep—unseen mom, his hobbies, his anxieties, his friendship with louise, the role the belchers play in his life—it's so good!!
this season is a couple eps shorter from the strike, but really hoping that the rest of the 14 and what's to come in 15 follows the trend, because it feels like the show is finally starting to figure out its voice and its footing again
#bob's burgers#like I did find the booger wall scene in 'bully-lieve it or not' literally nauseating BUT#the reveal that zeke once bullied a kid for having a lisp was a genuinely surprising and genuinely impactful moment!#and again. it's all about leveraging that history. we've seen over a decade of zeke and jj being ride or die friends#and because of all that established history the bullying reveal was that much more shocking#not to mention how it set up this look of genuine betrayal on jimmy jr.'s face. the show earned all the gravity it gave this moment!#it's great! it's so good!! also my god. don't get me started on fraud of the dead#I think a show that runs this long needs to reinvent itself every so often. because you have to#and I think bob's has struggled with having hit this plateau and floundering a little in terms of deciding on a new voice or direction#but this latest batch? this rules. i'm so into it#kayla for blacklist
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the thought of cracking the spine of a book makes kevin nauseous. he like opens it just enough to see the words and holds the book at such uncomfortable angles to read— anything to keep the book pristine and intact. he does not let people borrow his books because he is a control freak (as a term of endearment) and does not trust them to take care of them the way he does.
and andrew is the complete opposite, cracking the spine as soon as he opens it. he annotates in pen. he dog ears the pages because who the fuck has time to find a bookmark. he throws books out of anger. he throws them at aaron for fun. he lets them get smashed and torn in his bag. he always keeps them, he just prefers them to look like they’ve been read.
#someone asks kevin what he’s reading and he doesn’t say the name he just explains the ENTIRE plot of whatever historical thing it is#then is like oh….it’s [book] by [author]….#someone asks to borrow a book from him and he’s like “i’m sure the library has it”#andrew probably reads horror and sci fi#he probably fucks with stephen king heavy#i refuse to believe andrew “eidetic memory” minyard is “aLLeRgiC tO boOkS”#have you heard him speak… so poetic for what#i fucking know he’s read shakespeare. he hated it but he read it#imagining andrew as a child in foster care escaping in fantasy worlds to get away from his real life is doing something. bad. to me#kevin reads historical fiction and nonfiction#my baby has a special interest and i will do nothing but respect that#“kevin how often do you think about the roman empire”#“…every time i turn on the faucet… why…?”#and when they stare blankly at him he goes on a RANT about roman acqueducts and how they were#“—LITERALLY REVOLUTIONARY WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT??? we would not have running water THINK ABOUT THAT for ONE SECOND”#neil josten doesn’t read. he can’t sit still long enough to#aftg#kevin day#andrew minyard#all for the game#the foxhole court#tfc
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Bloodborne is seriously the most beautiful game of all time i think about this every single time i replay it but genuinely. Just exploring yharnam and staring in awe at how gorgeous everything is, its never about graphics, bloodborne has a noticeable stylization i think in a way even stronger than other fromsoft games, and the use of lighting and color palettes is just so good it makes me want to Be there. The game is already so stunning as it is ingame but i think having access to the map viewer on my own to the side made me appreciate it even more i love seeing the way everything is constructed and put together with just the flat textures before applying any engines and even as flat surfaces you can just feel the cohesion in the backgrounds, even textureless stripped of everything that makes it "beautiful" it still feels so unique and already gets the vibe across and that explains how the game feels the way it does visually, which is something i think a lot of current gen "high fidelity" games struggle with. Hard to explain what I mean but I feel it. Also i love the slight like chromatic aberration effect bb has on the edges of the screen it adds such a nice touch to the atmosphere honestly. Sighs dreamily
#like every single location is so unique and has its own style separate from each other#but in a way thats really cohesive and still makes it feel like part of the same thing#and theyre all so beautiful in their own way#ppl dunk on the forbidden woods and nightmare frontier a lot for what i think are#just gameplay reasons but their blind hatred of those areas extends to the way theyre often excluded when#people talk about all the 'prettiest areas' and whatnot. but i think they deserve the love just as much as anywhere else#when youre not panic running through it the woods are really beautiful and well crafted#its all so skillfully put together to give exactly the atmosphere it needed#theres so many parts of it that feel iconic to me or at least could be#and the nightmare frontier i think genuinely has some of the most stunning environment designs#that were introduced by it later reused in the hunters nightmare. so it should#have its own little pedestal as The OG i think. like all the spirals and etchings that feel like#a naturally occurring phenomenon but also does not look like one. you know what im talking about?#and the strangely bright sky and fog in the distance... so so good#i have paragraphs upon paragraphs to say about each area obv but these two feel so underrated#do the fucked up graves in the woods mean nothig to you... does the little cave you spawn in in the frontier mean nothing to you...
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the funniest thing that always happens to me is that every time we have a customer who doesn't speak polish and they ask me if i speak english i'm like "no, i don't think i do" only to realize a few minutes later that i do, in fact, speak english
#maybe it's because i'm just always super anxious about my skills#or maybe it's the fact that it barely happens so i don't have many opportunities to talk to people in english#so when somebody asks me about it i'm always like “um i do speak english but just a little”#and yet here i am running a fucking blog where i write a lot of shitposts every single day#all of them in english#it's so funny to me cause obviously no one knows this#and i had a customer today and he bought diamond earrings for his girlfriend and our entire conversation was in english#and he even complimented me at the end which was very nice#and my manager was like “oh you speak english? i only understood him when he said bye bye” LMAO#YES LOOKS LIKE I DO SPEAK ENGLISH AFTER ALL#jdsfjewhif i'm sorry i never really talk about this but today i feel like i want to#like every single time i have a conversation in english i'm so fucking proud of myself for being brave enough to speak another language#in front of a stranger#i know i make a lot of mistakes but still#i'm always so fucking proud of myself. for no reason. i just am#anyway the guy was really nice and i guess it's safe to say he made my day#which doesn't happen very often i usually hate my customers#so yeah#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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Also just because you get annoyed by something someone is doing doesn't mean they are evil you can leave us alone
#this is about autistic people.#that guy in you class that is always asking questions? he always raises his hand theres nothing wrong with it#it takes time in the class but that's how he makes sure he understands the subject#and meanwhile every other student decides hes an asshole#that girl who doesnt blink and who cant seem to have a linear conversation is not doing anything wrong#you dont like interacting with her but that doesnt say anything about her you can leave her alone you dont have to bitch behind her back#that person cant read social cues? why are you getting mad? can you shut the fuck up?#it is insane how often some of my friends talk about people who are clearly autistic and are mad at them#no its not because theyre autistic theyre just always interupting!#its not because theyre autistic they just make me uncomfortable! PLEASE LISTEN TO YOURSELF#i swear youre all asshole to us#no respect fr#its so annoying to see you run in a circle trying to justify calling someone an ass for doing literally nothing wrong#youre allowed to feel how you want about other people but you always jump to bullying#and whenever i try to make them realize they get so deffensive#just because you grew up with an autistic brother does not make you a fucking expert youre not even close to him!!#ok sorry im gonna go hit my bong im getting too angry lol
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really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).
#storyrambles#it’s not creepy. just for context. it’s just irritating because I’ve told this person repeatedly that I’m not interested in romance.#this person is also naturally a huge romantic so it is next to impossible to tell whether it’s actual flirtation or just flirting for fun#flirting for fun is cool. I wouldn’t mind that. but if I do it once this person will take that as an invitation to do it an excessive amoun#but yeah after being given 12 roses out of the blue when I said ‘no don’t buy me flowers’. there’s only so many things that can mean#‘it’s nice to see your face you always cover it!’ …I’m masking. because of covid#I’m narrating a game and suddenly ‘I like hearing your voice I should call you every day so I can hear it for 10 minutes’. …no.#‘you have to take the snack I brought you know it’s rude to refuse a gift’ I have never refused a gift. It is rude. But also I didn’t ask.#‘you know this game is one you can play without talking so we can play more often!’ we already play games once a week for usually 3 hours.#‘but it’s not talking so it’s less social energy’ no. that is not how it works.#sorry for the rant im just. tired.#you know those people who are so pleasant to hang out with and then they try way too hard#and that’s actually what makes things awkward? rather than when they’re just being themselves?#yeah. that’s this friend here.#usually I go along with the bit but when I can never tell when the bit is actually a bit#and you insist on me taking on the ‘girl role’ for most of them#I am not going to play along.#UGH don’t get me started on the ‘you’re cute when you’re flustered’#I wasn’t even flustered. I was trying to do mental math while running on four hours of sleep and he was staring directly at me#it’s uncomfortable.#also. I never want to hear that again. fuck. ‘you’re cute when you’re angry’ ‘you’re cute when you’re upset’ ALL THE FUCKING TIME AS A KID#will I be so cute after I kick you in the nuts? will I?#(for clarity I don’t want to kick him. I want to kick those other people.)#I need a lot of alone time. I really do. I can do 3 hours and then I will be drained for the rest of the day.#‘how did you grow up? did you not talk to your mom for more than 3 hours a day?’#first of all. that’s different?#secondly we actually regularly do separate things without talking to each other. or go in separate rooms to take some time to ourselves#also I don’t have to be on high alert for if I’m going to be flirted with. so.#ugh. I like him as a friend. I really do. I know this all makes it seem like the opposite. I try so hard to be as nice as possible.#but UGHHHHHH
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