#That is incredibly unlikely now
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"All I want for Christmas is to want to write my fanfic" - two very tired authors with 0 motivation
#otherwise known as me and optimistic-violinist#we got about 2000 words into the next chapter and then the motivation left and has not come back#tbtk#We had grand plans of finishing this thing by the end of the year#That is incredibly unlikely now#like a .05% chance if a Christmas miracle happens#we both want to want to write but#gestures aimlessly#hoping motivation and energy will crawl out of the woodwork
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What's wrong? I just miss you. I miss you too.
Blue Canvas of Youthful Days Episode 8
#blue canvas of youthful days#chinese bl#bl drama#rosygifs#this is so unlike me but I really love this set#this sequence was incredible#I need that song right now
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the onion bought infowars. I repeat, the onion bought infowars
#lauren says things#the onion#infowars#i am experiencing a feeling not unlike a nov 5 feeling#except for people who have been terminally online in a very particular way#I've been obsessed with mis/disinformation since 2016#and one of my most beloved journalists ben collins#did truly incredible reporting on all the stuff that's been happening since then in the far right and elsewhere#and then a few years ago he was like#'I have to stop reporting on this stuff byeeeeee'#and quit being a journalist#and then he BOUGHT THE ONION#which is perhaps the best thing to do after sitting in the dregs of the internet for years#and now a former professional alex jones hater#owns all his shit#and is going to partner with everytown to do satire and raise awareness about gun violence#with the full support of the sandy hook parents#who he knows from his days reporting on one of the worst things to ever happen#also bluesky is down and that doesn't feel like a coincidence I think the onion broke it with this news#(or it is just a coincidence)#but anyway ben collins is my most parasocial relationship#he is literally just Some Guy I've been following on the internet for years#but this is like....the best possible outcome to all of these stories#anyway that's my niche good news for the day
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once i finish my fiona & kamen animatic set to 'me and my husband' by mitski in approximately 20 years of on and off sketching then u all will See
#u will aaaaalllll see. the visions#the images. which consume me#haunt me#not unlike a certain plotline#gahhhh i really wish i didnt have chronic pain problems i wanna be unwell abt things artistically again#scavengers reign#<-tagging for potential spoilers#bc that song fits them so well its actually incredible#been thinking abt it for a couple of weeks now n i have some diabolical things brewing in my mind
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Jackie realizing she’s gonna have to take care of shauna and jeff’s ghost baby
#🐇#yellowjackets#truly it’s so interesting to me how much better this season is than the first that literally never happens for me#the current timeline is finally getting interesting. Jeff is still the best part#love how fast misty took to being a cult that is so her™️#Jackie liking poppies is interesting to me both in the Jackie is gay camp and also you know the whole thing with wizard oz and her death#the ending was so fucking depressing I need a nap now#like I’m so happy they didn’t eat the baby that would have been so incredibly cheap but glad to finally have answers#like do we think shauna was dreaming or had she temporarily crossed over because like where was Jackie and the French dude#I’d say it would make sense that Lottie could be there somehow#idk it reminded me a lot of Jackie’s death of course so I have many questions#I will say the cop story line is pretty stupid like no fucking way is any of this legal and also let’s kill that creep cop shauna#I will help you girl I will drive the get away car#I was also like wondering awhile ago if Lottie’a camp is near where the plane crash was#and my best friend and I were like no there’s no way and then they tell us it’s in New York so like possibly close to the boarder?#I tried looking up cherry hill but I couldn’t find anything idk it’s probably totally unlikely and they just also happen to be in the woods#I didn’t get a preview for next week is there a preview? idk#my complaint this week is where is Jackie lmfao where is her ghost why wasn’t she in sex ed give me something I’m not ready to move on!!!!
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why do you think nico retired from f1?
got mpregnant
#real answer: 2016 was incredibly mentally draining and he did what he set out to do: win a wdc#keke also retired a year after nico was born. and nico retired a year after his daughter was born in 2015#cause he saw the strain it was putting on his family (all the child raising duties went to vivian)#he had a present dad his whole childhood and wanted to be one to his own kids which racing didn't allow for#the fact unlike every other driver who retired he never went into another racing series like nascar or ROC shows he's fully content ending#his motorsport career at the peak. and go on to do other stuff now#blorbocedes ask
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anyways since april the first is almost over, happy ken day to dot barrett and dot barrett alone
#n o bc i find it incredibly funny that egu.taku voices 2 april 1st birthday clowns with somewhat similar energies*#*albeit ken actually somehow manages to get girls and dot gets snubbed by everyone and anyone#i think ken and dot would be good frenemies lmao (but the enemies bit is onesided on dot’s end)#i should reread m a s h l e again bc yk it’s nice to read something that you don’t need to work your brain to comprehend sometimes..#unlike s o m e ongoing popular sj series iykwim—#but lol i didn’t expect the dumb creampuff guy anime to get so popular bc of the op theme#it’s a real pity that practically every va of the second series did the bbbb dance *except* for ucchi#i should really watch s2 now that it’s completed though… i want to see how ucchi voices carpaccio…#anyways happy ken day stay trollin young man#shibakentucky fried chicken
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look at my alternate yuu concept boy
#i just think the idea of isekaing at age 22 and being shoved into high school is so funny. shes just here now#185cm makes her the same height as leona btw. nearly six foot one. absurdly tall#she did not have friends b4 twst bc she had a Lot of ppl approach her bc of her parents#was very good at keeping a polite distance and went a little insane in twst as a result#fails all her classes at nrc bc she is going home at the end of this to her Real life so who cares shes here for a Good time#girl w/no subconcious desire to stay in twst tho i do think itd be good for her in the long run#she wants to go back to her own reality bc she wants to finish her degree. she was so close#Everyone's Big Sister (self-proclaimed) and incredibly obnoxious abt it#gets on v well with kalim and lilia and then cater is there in the background like. Please Let Me Out.#shes in gargoyle research. malleus is a little brother to her and i think he actually does see her as family more than a romantic partner#WHICH IS RARE FOR ME im usually all abt malleus > yuu but here it makes sense. they are platonic. u kno how it is#book 7 is a really bad time for her bc she learns all of lilias backstory and realizes how much shit he wasnt telling her#as if she were telling him anything serious abt herself LMAO but him leaving w/o sayign + finding out his backstory from a dream is just. h#book 7 i think is whats solidifying her desire to return home. she has a place where she belongs and its not here.#anyways ironically despite how much ive written here + how much ive thought abt her shes only a secondary yuu. yjn comes first always <3#i do really like her shes a lot of fun to think abt. very Messy and impulsive unlike yjn whos thoughtful and deliberate. u kno#god this was a tag essay. ok.#how do you art#twst oc#myuu stuff
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i'm halfway through this ask meme abt ravenstan staying at the broflovski house for the great hate south park embark and i cannot tell you how much it thrills me that rm!sheila went from hating ravenstan's guts and being like "you are the reason my family is in ruin; you destroyed our lives" to being like *pinches stan's cheek preciously* “this is orev :) and he's my lil matok sheli superstar <3" ft. stan beaming and her constantly mom-whacking jerseykyle with the kochlefl and reprimanding him for 'letting her son in law get away' like not even Raven Of Crimson Dawn but her Literal SON IN LAW.
anyways...branch in my EYE.
#nina speaks#sorry its almost done#but its my favorite subplot#she was like u are a disgrace glowering w her hand on her hip#and now shes giving him the biggest portion at dinner wearing the cd teeshirt smacking geralds wrist like#i'm sorry have u lost ur MIND that is for OREV!!!! >:OOO i'm sorry for yelling orev eat up sweetie i made this special for u :*#ravenstan like gracias senora broflovski thank u very much <3 this looks divine speaking of did you do smthng to ur hair <333#she is like WOW MY OREV IS SOOOO POLITE UNLIKE SOMMMME PEOPLE *narrows eyes at jersey ft. eyeroll*#incredible content so funny if it stopped stan from leaving she would lie in front of the plane on the landing strip#kyle is like ma hes dating CALL GIRL and shes like thats because you did not WOO HIM HARD ENOUGH!!!!!!! >:((((#u are embarrassing me! i did not raise this way bub!!! i cannot lose that boy kyle i like his tiny tucchus too much#he mistook me for ur sister he has beautiful eyes he lovingly massaged my hands and sang so sweetly to me in spanish#ISTG YOU BETTER GET OUT THERE AND I BETTER SEE A RING ON THAT MANS FINGER WHEN YOU COME BACK#I HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE BUBBELEH#YOU ARE TAKING YEARS OFF MY LIFE#HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME#HDSLKHLKSHDLKHLDS
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MKUltra the Vampire. im sure THAT wont be revisited later on this season
#spoilers#iwtv#iwtv spoilers#iwtv s2#how incredibly thrilling.#the bridal carry.. ‘did i catch you in a fantasy?’#louis’s guiding words to daniel. this is the first time i feel like theyve truly connected#‘richard pryored himself right infront of me’#tender turned to tinder indeed.#s2 starting with daniel v. louis v. armand then daniel v. loumand and now daniel+ louis v. armand#armand getting up to hunt a boy as louis+ daniel talk abt a past hunt gone horribly wrong#the disposability of 1973 daniel and 2022 malik. malik as the denis of sorts. it could have been anyone.#hallucinating claudia& jumping into the sun.. merrick happened in 1973 +m#+ unlike merrick lestat cant ‘save the gorl’#good stuff#ik twitumblr is somehow moaning over louis but he was twoface/eraserhead baby 90% of the flashbk plz😭#HE SPENDS 80% OF THIS FLASHBACK A BURNT BRISKET PLZ SPARE MEEEE#this episode rlly had the feeling of classic horror slasher movies the blurry pov shot of louis walking up the stairs
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WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME BURROWS END WASNT FREE
#I DIDNT TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT BUT STILL. SOMEONE SHOULDVE WARNED ME BEFORE I GOT COMPLETELY INVESTED#I know next to nothing abt dimension 20 I’m pretty sure I just saw a post abt burrows end specifically MONTHS ago and was like 👀👀👀#opened a tab with the first episode to watch later and promptly forgot about it#until last night! having a bad night and was like hrm what if I just watch smth#and I’ve been reading watership down recently!! finally got my own copy bc it was my favourite book when I was like NINE#so I am fully primed to fall in love with a story abt little animals rn and man#I am OBSESSED with this and also realising yeah I’m at a point where I could get very into tabletop rpgs now#what if. what if I just get dropout. what if I just do that. would that not be fun. I would like to see the stoats do stuff#i am so in love with Ava and her player and I understand so much more about brennan lee mulligan now. and VIOLA#viola may be my favourite character I’m obsessed with how she interacts with other characters.m#i NEED to know what’s up with thorn’s cult thing. and also thorn. what is going on there#hrrgrhehh the thing that’s holding me back is I’m allergic to subscriptions#impermanence. even though I know it’s fairly unlikely I’ll wanna watch it again any time soon I don’t like the idea that I’d have to like#in a couple years pay for it again or not be able to bc I can’t afford it even though I already paid for it once#I’m a books + cartridge games guy and it shows.#okay. I will chew on this. the price is not unreasonable and I have coincidentally also been looking at make some noise clips#it does not help that I basically never watch things but my favourite podcast is also ending within the next month (2 episodes left)#and this IS primarily audio so I could cook + watch mayhaps. and I’ve heard good things abt all other d20.#they have a 20% off first year deal on. annual would make me less stressed long term if I end up liking this bc cheaper + choice premade#and would also mean I can do it now and not feel bad abt wasting the first month bc I won’t be able to watch much for a few weeks#fuck it I’m allowed to make frivolous purchases sometimes I will simply swallow the subscription distaste#more stoats >:)#that aside all the players are incredible I’m pretty sure when this is done I’ll wanna watch other seasons just to see what else they do#okay go do the thing I believe in you you can spend money sometimes#luke.txt#update I downloaded the app. I am putting off the decision for another day now bc it’s 1:21am and I have not been thinking clearly <3
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I VERY rarely do this kind of thing but I have to rant a little about this hp drarry fic. Mostly because I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about it, but said thoughts and feelings are very mixed so I couldn't bring myself to leave a comment since I don't want to come off as hating/critiquing, but I have to vent about it SOMEWHERE.
I really enjoyed it in the beginning, and I want to say I ultimately still like it. But I WANT to love it and just can't, because it frustrates me. Literally every person in this fic, including all of Draco's friends and even his mother, is on Harry's side of the situation. And that just isn't right.
I understand that "everyone" can see that Harry is in love with Draco and wants to be with him, which is why they keep trying to steer Draco towards him, but personally I think the conflict and onus to fix things is very much on the wrong person.
I don't care how obvious Harry supposedly is. There is a difference between being obvious and being explicitly clear. It should not be up to Draco to magically REALIZE Harry has feelings for him, it should be on Harry to clearly, explicitly tell him. If Harry wants to be with him so badly he needs to put his feelings into words instead of just implying things.
Because OF COURSE Draco wouldn't realize how Harry felt when he was so explicitly rejected before. Why the hell is it on the person who was hurt - possibly even heartbroken - to figure out that the guy RESPONSIBLE for that hurt actually DOES like him now so they can be together?
The entire conflict of this story comes down to Harry's inability to clearly confess his feelings and Draco's inability to understand them WITHOUT said clear confession. And that sucks because the rest of the plot and the character writing is SO fun and engaging, but I feel personally wronged by this conflict and the fact that literally everyone keeps trying to push Draco at Harry instead of seeing his viewpoint and going either "well, Potter screwed up and has missed his chance now" or just freaking confronting Harry and making it clear that he NEEDS to confess or Draco will never understand because he was so badly burned by him before that he's completely blind and/or willfully ignorant to the idea of Harry ever loving him, and no amount of just flirting will break through to him.
To be clear, I'm not inherently against fics where the conflict is just that the pining idiots won't admit their feelings. My frustration here is that Harry is BLATANTLY pining and making moves so clearly he wants to make something happen with Draco yet STILL doesn't do the obvious thing of just confessing. It's one thing to withhold your feelings if you DON'T want the other person to know or your relationship to change. But Harry DOES, which makes him sitting on his confession and getting hurt every time Draco doesn't notice his dangled hints upsetting.
Basically, one or both parties having a chronic case of Cannot Spit it Out is fine, but here, where one party is clearly pursuing the other but the other is oblivious? In general that's fine too but this fic has a REASON Draco is oblivious. I feel like it makes perfect sense NOT to expect/want anything romantic from someone who rejected you before, so since Harry made that bed now he has to lie in it.
Maybe it's a stretch, but this to me feels lowkey like victim blaming. It's clear that Draco liked Harry in the past and was incredibly hurt by the fallout of their one-night-stand, yet rather than sympathizing with him or trying to make the relationship happen on Harry's end, everyone in his life is just telling him to trust Harry now and that he won't be rejected. Which then led to him opening up just a little bit before a misunderstanding happened that led to him getting hurt and feeling rejected AGAIN.
I really do want to love this fic, but as someone who has BEEN hurt and rejected, I just don't understand how everyone in Draco's life can side with Harry. I don't understand why it's up to Draco to realize Harry loves him without being told, instead of up to Harry to verbally convey that.
#harry potter#drarry#i vented here and without including the name or author of the fic specifically because my thoughts are mixed/negative#so anyone who actually reads the fic i'm begging you be kind. don't say anything shitty directly in the comments#alternatively if you love the fic and have no problems unlike me that's great. feel free to gush about it#also tangent but i feel like the betrayal/accountability thing also applies to A LOT of wolfstar fics#like i'm really into fics that are divergent from the 1st war - either the potters live or sirius doesn't go or quickly leaves azkaban#that period of time right around & after sirius suspecting remus of being the traitor is JUICY#but so few fics perfectly scratch the itch of them resolving that issue IMO#especially considering this is the SECOND time sirius has majorly hurt him it should absolutely be on him to fix this#it should be a long and painful process for remus to even potentially forgive him. and yet.#there's a particular author i've read a lot lately who does PHENOMENAL in regards to sirius realizing he fucked up#the pain as he (and james and lily) realizes the truth and has to come to terms with his own actions? amazing#but then remus just. fucking rolls over so easily and forgives him and it loses me immediately#like 'oh because you love me now that's okay. it's worth all the incredible agony you put me through' NOPE FROM ME DOG#anyway to get back on track THAT is roughly the vibe this particular drarry fic gives me. which puts me off.
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now that the elation of being on-paper sick has worn off i'm back to getting my feelings hurt by innocent posts. anyway someday within the next few months i'm gonna be on a bunch of prednisone or other steroids and then i'm gonna do all my dishes and clean my whole house and go swimming and do my job and fix my life and it's okay that i fucking suck at doing any of those things now because i have a debilitating physical disability.
snide posts about how depressed people need to put on their big-boy pants and take care of themselves are not actually about me because what i am contending with is not depression. what i am contending with is a progressive disease that destroys my muscles, skin, joints, and potentially lungs kidneys and brain. that is not the same as being too sad to get up and wash a dish.
generalized spoonie advice and outlooks feel too optimistic or out-of-touch or non-applicable to me because they aren't applicable to me because what i am contending with is not an average spoonie experience. it is a specific progressive disease that destroys my muscles, skin, joints, and potentially lungs kidneys and brain.
if i feel bad and need to rest and don't pull my weight in my relationships it's because i need to wait to be treated with steroids and in the meantime i just need to hold on. i am not required to do anything else to take care of myself. my body is eating itself with a condition that has a high rate of fatal complications and literally my only job is not to die.
my only job is not to die. that is the only thing i need to do right now. any posts saying that people need to do anything else for self-care or for being a good person or for having healthy relationships are not applicable to me, because my circumstances are highly specific. healthy people need to take steps to better their lives. people like me need to rest until our doctors can help us because overtaxing ourselves might kill us.
a depressed person being too sad and hopeless and miserable to get up is being lied to by their brain. my brain is not lying to me when it tells me that i need to rest because my body is on fire.
my only job right now is not to die.
#i know none of YOU need to hear this. reasoning it out for myself.#all of this remains true whether my final diagnosis is lupus or MCTD or both.#i'm very unlikely to die unless my pulmonary function tests indicate i have the fatal kind of MCTD#which would suck. but is unlikely.#the 10-year survival rates for MCTD and lupus are both good barring complications. my job is not to let those complications happen.#that means sleeping when i need to for however long i need to. eating thoughtfully. keeping a positive outlook. doing things i like.#reducing overall stress. not engaging with things that upset me. forgiving myself for being useless. being incredibly zen and chill.#taking steroids and seeing a neurologist and doing chemo if they need me to (unlikely). being patient.#it's okay for me to be in limbo right now. it's okay for me to sleep 18 hours a day.#i'm not depressed. i am very sick.#autoimmune tag#on this note i'm gonna figure out something nice to do with my day and see if i can get a few dishes done.
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I do love that Adrian praised and defended Max like that. I genuinely believe Adrian left because he craved a new challenge and not because of hard feelings. Like listening to the interviews and press conference... I think he just wants to see what he can do and create that he hasn't yet.
#puzzle's thoughts#i am starting to think that a big reason why several people are leaving red bull is not hard feelings etc but because last season was so#incredibly special and extraordinary and they reached something that was almost impossible#and after that you need a new challenge because it's unlikely they will ever replicate 2023#and also it's good to get new people into red bull with fresh ideas#all of this is really good for the sport#and it's not like red bull is doomed forever#i for one look forward to the ford - red bull engines#and it seems like max and checo are very involved in that which is exciting#things may be hard right now but it seems like the drivers have faith and so i have faith#also blaming everything on one person or crediting only one person for success is much too simple in my opinion#f1
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I think that Blazblue's story is just a lot of reading and once you do all that reading it's complicated but not as bad at people say. And it just tends to have the reputation of being impossibly convoluted because people just playing fgs don't expect their story modes to require homework to understand and a lot of the spinoffs that contain said homework are inaccessible to people who don't understand Japanese, which aren't the fault of the story itself but rather just how things panned out in it's lifespan.
#unfortunately now whatever is confusing still will remain confusing forever most likely and we'll definitely never know for 100% sure what#mori was cooking unless he somehow gets creative control of the series again and finishes everything (incredibly unlikely scenario)
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i'd like to get off mr bones wild ride now pls
#the original word things#this is like the most intense mental health dip i think i've ever had#and it's not even like i can work through it by saying that it's irrational anxiety and going through why that is#because it is rational anxiety#just an incredibly unlikely to happen right now anxiety#like shit nobody can stop and WILL happen just not NOW#and it's like HELLO#I KNOW THAT YOU THINK PUTTING YOUR HAND ON THE HOT STOVE IS A HALF DECENT DEFENSE MECHANISM#BUT THAT'S MALADAPTIVE SWEETIE#it's been a very exhausting two weeks and i havent even done anything#someone give me a prize i've earned it#sorry its (a) personal
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