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amethystunarmed · 1 year ago

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I Need a Shovel to Love Him

Word Count: 4,226 A03 Link Richie calls Peter after the events of the opening night of Workin' Girls.

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Holy fucking shit.

Peter is about to lose his virginity to Stephanie Lauter.

They are on the couch in Peter's brother's apartment. Ted is gone for the evening, went to Ruth’s musical at the Starlight, but he had thrown a condom at Peter with a wink before he left. Peter was equal parts mortified and grateful.

By pure luck, Peter and Steph had managed to avoid getting tickets the same night Ted was going, giving them an opportunity to finally go all the way. They are making out on the couch, Steph straddling him while he gazes up at her in awe. Neither of them are wearing their shirts (Peter has come a long way from the first time he saw Steph in her bra and got so flustered he had to stop. He's just lucky she thought it was both hilarious and adorable). Her skin is hot against his, and when she trails her fingers down his spine, it gives him chills. Steph has finally taken pity on Peter, and moved to take her bra off herself, when the phone rings.

Pete sits up to grab it and Steph groans, flopping forward so her head rests on his chest.

"Are you serious Spankoffski? You're answering your fucking phone right now?"

"I figure if it's my brother telling us he's on his way back because he finally realized the show isn't about sex workers, we'd want to know."

"... You get a pass just this once." She slides off his lap and Peter immediately misses her weight.

Peter fumbles for his phone and is surprised by the name that pops up.

The Power of God and Anime. Richie.

Peter frowns down at his phone. Richie would rather die than make a phone call. For all Ruth loved talking to telemarketers, Richie about broke out in hives every time he had to make a call. (Between his phobia and Ruth's penchant for making the delivery boy uncomfortable, Peter had been making calls to Pizza Hut for them for years.) Richie wouldn't call. Not unless...

Peter hits the button and brings the phone to his ear, even as Stephanie groans behind him. He slides his legs off the couch and stands as he talks.

"Hey Richie, what's up? Aren't you at the show?"

Sobbing. Richie is sobbing. Peter's stomach sinks. "Richie? Richie, what's happening?"

"Pete?" Steph asks, suddenly concerned. Peter holds a finger up to her.

Richie hiccups. His voice is shaky, so much that Pete can barely understand him.

"He- he- He went crazy, he killed them-"

Peter feels like he's had ice water dumped over him.

"Who? Who killed who, Richie?" Peter gets up and grabs his shirt from where he'd thrown it earlier.

"Everyone, he- he-"

"Where are you?"

"The Theater."

Oh thank God.

"Richie, my brother is there, go find Ted, okay?" Ted was a fucking asshole but he would (probably) look out for Ruth and Richie, if only so Pete didn't tear him a new one. "He'll get you and Ruth out of there okay?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you," Richie says, sniffling, voice hitching. "Ruth and Ted are dead, Peter."

Peter drops his phone.

He doesn't remember what happens next. He blinks and they're in the back of Mayor Lauter’s limo. Steph is holding Peter's now cracked phone to her ear. Miss Tessburger is prattling on about something but Pete can't understand her. Her words sound like a broken garbage disposal, continually revving but never getting any clearer.

He blinks again and Steph is kneeling in front of him. She sways as they take a sharp turn. She should be wearing a seatbelt, he thinks, inanely.

"Pete, you're scaring me."

Peter doesn't know why. He hasn't even done anything.

He blinks and they're at the theater. Steph's hand is firm in his, the only thing that keeps him from drifting away. He trails behind her, letting her guide him to the sirens and the flashing lights. Until he sees-

Richie.

Peter loses time again. Suddenly he is sprinting, and Richie is too and Peter slams into him and they fall to the ground and Peter has his fingernails clawed tightly into Richie's vest so nothing can pry Richie away from him and-

He is sitting in the back of the ambulance. A scratchy orange blanket is wrapped around his shoulders. Richie is next to him. He has Peter's hand in a death grip, squeezing so tight Peter is beginning to lose feeling in his fingers.

An EMT is shining a light in his penlight in Peter’s eyes. It fucking hurts. Peter blinks aggressively at him.

“His pupils dilate, I don’t see any sign of concussion. As far as I can tell, Peter here is just suffering from a pretty extreme shock.”

He gives Peter a pitying little smile. Peter wants to knock his teeth out.

“But he’s not responding.” Stephanie is standing off the shoulder of the EMT. She has her arms crossed over her chest, her chin cocked out. It’s the same stance she’d had when she’d stood down Max Jagerman after they first started dating. It means she’s scared. ��You can see it, he did it in the car too. Why the fuck can’t he hear us?”

The EMT hesitates a moment, then speaks slowly, like an adult on Sesame Street.

“Sometimes, when someone goes through something terrible, their brain will... take them away for a little. It’s a defense mechanism.”

Peter has already heard enough of this.

“You don’t have to talk about me like I’m not here.”

“Oh, thank god.” The tension melts out of Steph as she throws herself at Peter’s free side. Her arms wrap around his shoulder and she tucks her head into his neck, like she is trying to get as close to him as possible. “You’re okay. Jesus Pete, never scare me like that again.”

"Pete?" Steph and Peter pull away from each other to look at a Black man in a checkered shirt. He nervously fiddles with a button on the cuff of his sleeve. Peter hadn’t initially noticed him, but he’s pretty sure the man had been standing there for a while. He seemed vaguely familiar, but Peter couldn’t place him. "You're Peter Spankoffski, right?"

Steph pushes over the ambulance, and stands in between him and Peter and Richie. "Listen, if you want a statement, go talk to some other smarmy asshole looking to get famous off this. Try Linda Monroe, she has an affinity for vultures." She is so fucking cool, so brave. Peter thinks he may be in love with her.

Oh my god he's in love with her.

He's in love with Stephanie Lauter.

He wants to tell Ruth, even though she'll ask a million uncomfortable questions.

He wants to tell Ted, even though he'd give some awful advice about not being tied down.

Peter squeezes Richie’s hand.

"No, no," the man says. "I'm one of Ted's co-workers? Bill. Do you remember me?” The name slots into place. Peter remembers him in the backgrounds of office party pictures Ted had shown him and from when Ted brought Peter to a “Bring Your Kid to Work Day” even before he moved in with Ted full time. He has a recollection of Bill smiling at him from where he had hidden behind Ted, telling him, Richie, and Alice Woodward to all play nice together. Peter gives him a faint nod, which puts Bill somewhat at ease.

“Look at you, all grown up. So tall!” He is studying Peter with a sad sort of softness, cataloging all the changes from that little kid he’d met years ago. Peter wants to find the nearest bridge he can jump off of to avoid this conversation. “I wouldn’t have recognized you if Ted hadn’t had a picture on his desk."

Peter wonders if he spontaneously developed a latex allergy, it feels like his throat is swelling shut. “He... He has a picture of me on his desk?”

"Yes, he does.” Peter waits for him to elaborate, but Bill just offers him an awkward little half smile. Which, what the fuck? Did he just come over to here to remind Peter he was going to have to go to his brother’s fucking office and clean out his desk?

“Bill, I don’t want to be rude, but... why are you here?”

“Oh.” Bill furrows his brow at that, like he isn’t actually sure. “We came here together. Ted and I."

Peter squints at him. "Like a date?" He knew Ted had been sleeping around the office (knew too much about it, because his brother was kind of a slut), but he'd been pretty sure he'd been hung up on someone named Charlotte.

"No!" Bill denies, "He- I had an extra ticket, and I- he was the only one who wanted to come." Bill suddenly looked nauseous. "H- he was the only one who wanted to come tonight, and to spend time with me, and the whole night I just-"

"So you're the reason my brother is dead." The whole group snaps their heads to stare at him, even the EMT. He doesn’t know why they all look so surprised. It seems like a pretty logical deduction to make.

Steph wraps her arm around Peter’s shoulder, but she stays standing. He feels small tucked against her side. It feels nice.

Richie gives his hand a squeeze and runs his finger along the side of Peter’s hand. It feels nice too.

Bill sucks in a breath, like somebody stabbed him. Which is fucking hilarious, given the circumstances. He looks at Peter like Peter did something to hurt him. It does not feel nice.

“What? Don’t have anything to say about it? You just said it, you were the reason he was here.” The EMT winces, and Peter glares at him. He wisely decides to fuck off to the front of the ambulance.

“Peter, that’s not- I’m didn’t-” Bill fumbles over himself. Peter isn’t sure what he fucking expected.

“I think you should go.”

“Right, right, but I just wanted to say, if you need anything, you can-” He fumbles with his back pocket and pulls out a wallet, nearly dropping it on the ground. Ted always says that Bill never knows when to drop a subject, and so far, Peter isn’t seeing anything to disapprove this fact.

“Here,” Bill says, as he holds a white card out to Peter. “My number’s on there, you can give me a call-"

And Peter just wants him to shut the fuck up.

"I said fucking GO!"

Bill jumps and drops his business card. Peter feels bad, but he's too fucking tired to apologize. He slumps against Steph's shoulder. Her breathing feels like a gravitational pull, and he doesn't think he could escape it if he tried.

Bill scurries off, and Peter is grateful. “Fuck,” he groans, hiding his face in the crown of Stephanie’s head. She smells like sweat and that fruity shampoo her dad won’t stop buying for her. “Ted was right, he’s a fucking busybody.” It tears through his chest, even saying his brother’s name. He thinks the only thing that could hurt worse would have been not saying it.

It grows quiet. At least, as quiet as the site of a disaster can be. If he listens carefully, he can hear Chief Sweetly crying about one of the actors or Officer Bailey debating with Grace Chasity over who gets to keep his gun. (He's pretty sure Grace is winning.) The noises of the parking lot combine into a low background, police interrogations and muffled sobbing weaving into a dull drone. The police have turned their sirens off, but the lights still flicker red and blue and white. Peter closes his eyes, and the solid colors flicker across the black of his eyelids. The repetition is soothing, smoothing over the anxious hum that has been blaring a klaxon in the back of his brain. Between the warm pillar of Steph in front of him and Richie’s solid weight across his back, Peter finds his eyes drifting shut.

Richie’s shoulders hitching, however, gets him wide awake in an instant. Peter sits up, away from Steph, and pulls Richie closer to him, so he is angled toward Peter. Silent tears flood Richie’s cheeks. His mouth is screwed up in a crooked line.

“What happened?” Peter asks, frantically looking Richie over. He seemed fine when they arrived, but Peter had just been happy he was breathing, he could have missed something important-

"It's my fault Ruth is dead," Richie weeps.

"What?"

"I killed her, Peter. I killed Ruth." Tears stream down Richie's cheeks.

"I thought you said-"

"I told her to audition! She wasn't going too, she said she wouldn't get in. I'm the one... I'm the reason."

Oh fuck.

"Richie..."

Richie just sobs and latches onto his shoulder. Peter can feel time slipping again and he digs his nails into his palm to stay present.

"Richie, it's not your fault."

"I'm the reason she was here."

The sick feeling in Peter's gut twists deeper. That isn't what he... Fuck. What does he say? What does he say?

Steph sees his hesitation and gets a wild look in her eyes. Her hand flutters to the back of Peter’s neck. Her fingernails graze the skin in a repetitive line, like she is trying to beckon him back. He wonders if she thinks he lost time again. If so, she doesn’t say. She focuses all her attention on Richie. "It's not your fault, okay? You blame the murderer, you blame the theater for hiring this whackjob, you blame God for all I care, but you don't blame yourself for that shit, okay? That's how you drive yourself crazy, and Ruth wouldn't want that, you torturing yourself for believing in her. Okay?" She reaches across Peter and takes Richie's free hand. "Promise me."

"Promise you?"

"You won't blame yourself. Promise me."

"I'll... I'll try.”Steph opens her mouth, most likely to argue, but she is interrupted. From the side of the ambulance, the EMT clears his throat, far too loudly, and rounds the corner.

Steph glares at him, but only says, "We'll work on it.” Richie nods, and Peter is positive he is counting on her forgetting about it.

With the EMT back, their closeness starts to itch. Peter can feel him searching them, trying to figure out just what they mean to each other. Peter is pretty sure a vivisection would feel less intrusive.

The three of them untangle from one other. Steph habitually tucks her hair behind her ears, straightening to perfect posture. Even at the scene of a disaster, she maintains her image. Not that Peter blames her. He is sure Dan and Donna will have all sorts of footage from tonight all over the news tomorrow. As a local celebrity, Stephanie will probably get a featured segment. The thought makes him feel nauseous. "Everything seems to be in order!" The EMT says brightly. "I don't think you two need to go to the hospital. Do you three have someone who can take you home?"

"My uncle is coming to get me," Peter lets him know. He looks toward Stephanie and Peter. “He can probably get the two of you too!”

Stephanie's frown deepens. It has been such a common expression for her tonight, Peter feels bad. He has etched so much grief into her face. "But Peter-"

"I'm fine, Steph."

"No you're fucking not. You keep fucking... Leaving."

"I've been here the whole time."

"But you haven't. The lights are on but nobody is home. It's... It's fucking terrifying, Pete."

Oh.

Pete turns to Richie, who nods. His palm is slick with sweat against Peter's. He looks freaked out, even considering everything that has happened tonight, which Peter again feels bad about. He is letting everyone down today. Still... There is one person he can't fail. He can't.

Peter looks up at the EMT.

“Where is my brother?”

Richie swallows nervously. Peter feels his Adam's apple bob against his shoulder. "Pete...” He says slowly, like Peter just asked if he could move to Clivesdale. “He's d-"

"I fucking got that." He doesn't need a reminder. "Where... Where did they take him. After."

The EMT presses his lips together. “You should let your parents handle that, sweetie-”

“Then it’ll never get done. Where is he?”

“Everyone who was... who had passed before we arrived was taken to the hospital morgue.”

“Huh.” Images of Ted, pale and expressionless on a silver slab flash through his head. So many nurses were going to see Ted naked. He would have been ecstatic.

Then Peter is laughing. He is laughing so hard he can’t breathe. Stephanie and Richie are saying something, and they sound almost frantic and someone is shaking his shoulder but it’s so fucking funny Peter can’t stop. Tears stream down his cheeks as he cackles. And at some point his laughs have turned to sobs. They shake his whole body, and he thinks he might be screaming. He falls into Richie, and Richie is sobbing too. He wraps his arms around Peter, and hugs him tight to his chest. Peter can feel wet spots on Richie’s shirt where he is soaking him with tears and snot, but Richie only holds him tighter.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Pete,” he murmurs over and over into Peter’s hair. A warm weight drapes over Pete’s back, and Stephanie reaches up to pet through Peter’s hair.

“Let it out baby, let it out.” Her voice is wet.

Peter isn’t sure how long they sit there, crying. Long enough, that Peter runs out of tears, and he just sniffles through shaky breaths, feeling like a wrung out dish towel.

“What am I going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Where... Where am I going to stay?” His parents were out of the question. Peter wouldn’t go back, even if they wouldn’t just slam the door in his face. Without Ted to pay rent on the apartment... “I’m homeless. Fuck.”

“You can stay with me!” Stephanie assures him.

“Your dad is going to be okay with that?”

“Are you kidding? He’ll love it. Taking you in right before the election? He’ll look like a hero.” She scoffs. “He’ll probably claim it was his idea.”

A car pulls into the parking lot, a beat up red Toyota probably older than Peter is himself. The bumper is more rust than metal. At the wheel is the mean barista from Beanie's. She is wearing an expression that Peter has never seen on her before, blatant concern weighing her face. Out of the car, comes Richie’s uncle Paul. He is still in his suit, like he was relaxing at home in a starched shirt and tie. Considering everything he knows about Paul, that probably was the case.

“Richie!” He yells, louder than Peter imagined he could be, “Richie!” His head frantically turns back and forth as he scans the crowds.

“Over here!” Richie yells, standing and waving his and Peter’s conjoined hands. He has backed up, so the lines of their legs are still pressed together.

Paul’s entire body decompresses when he sees Richie, like he is sighing with his entire body. He staggers against the hood of the car, briefly studying himself with his hands, before pushing past it. He cuts the corner too fast, slams his thigh into the headlight, but he doesn't even seem to notice the impact. He speedwalks over to the back of the ambulance, running up to his nephew to take Richie's face into his hands. “Richie,” he gasps, like holding him is the first breath of oxygen he has gotten all night. Something about it makes Peter's already sore eyes sting, and he has to swallow a lump in his throat.

Richie looks up at Paul with a brittle smile. “Hi Uncle Paul. Thank you for coming.” He says it like Paul has picked him up early from a sleepover. Paul doesn't even answer. He just opens his mouth and then closes it, once, twice, then a third time. Then he pulls Richie forward, unflinchingly, into his chest. His shoulders shake.

“Jeez, Uncle Paul!” Richie shrieks, “You're crushing me.” He doesn't fight the hold though, merely wraps his free arm around Paul and squeezes. The hand still holding Peter’s trembles.

The mean barista jogs up to them, finally catching up from where Paul had run off without her. Peter remembers Richie mentioning she and Paul were dating, but Peter hadn't realized they were “Drive me to get my nephew from the scene of a mass murder” serious. Good for Paul.

"Hey kid. How are you holding up?"

Richie sniffs. "Sorry, Emma. I know you were excited to have dinner with Tom and Tim."

"Kid, you don't have to apologize for... For any of it. I'm just glad you're okay." She places her hand on Paul's shoulder. “Babe, you're going to suffocate him.”

“Right, right,” Paul says, distantly. He lets Richie lean away, hands slowly falling, like he is ready to reach out and grab him again at any moment. He glances over, paling at the sight of Peter and Stephanie. He clears his throat as he processes their presence. “Hello Peter. Stephanie.” He says Stephanie's name slowly, like midway through saying it, he realized he wasn’t actually sure he was right.

She graciously doesn't mention it. “Hey, Mr. Matthews.” Paul frowns, like he always has the few times she's joined them for a study session, but for once doesn't argue. Instead, he turns to Peter.

“Richie mentioned that Ted... Is... Is he, um-”

Peter doesn't have the patience for this. “Ted's dead, yeah.”

Paul gets that same stricken look Bill had, and maybe Peter should be nicer, but to be honest, he just wants people to stop looking at him. Even the fucking barista, who Peter is 99% sure has spit in his hot chocolate, is looking at him like he's a walking tragedy and Peter can hardly stand the writhing weight of their pity.

“Okay... Okay, okay,” Paul repeats, slowly, taking a deep breath. "I'm... I'm sorry for your loss. Ted and I weren't close but... I know he really, really loved you."

It's so impersonal, so distant. It’s a stranger’s eulogy.

It's exactly what Peter expects from Paul. Their mismatched relationship used to be something Peter, Ruth, and Richie laughed at Ted recalling his "best friend Paul" while Paul clearly only tolerated Ted, at best. Ruth had once called it a "tragic, one-sided bromance" and Peter had laughed so hard, milk shot out his nose. But Ruth isn't here. And Ted isn't here. And Paul doesn't like Peter's brother. And Peter can't help but say it.

"Ted called you his best friend." From the way Paul's eyes widen, this is news to him.

"Oh. I... I didn't know he, um, felt that way. I kind of thought he didn't like me."

"Being mean is how Ted shows affection. He learned it from our parents."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Pete," Steph exhales, like the words pain her. She nuzzles closer to his shoulder.

"Speaking of parents,” Paul says, in that frantic way he does when he is trying to change the subject, “are they coming to pick you up?"

"Fuck, I hope not." Peter says, before he can stop himself. He groans. Fuck his filter tonight, apparently he’ll just say anything. Stephanie, Paul, and Emma are looking at him with barely masked concern.

“Peter can stay over, right?” Richie asks, nervously. He still hasn't let go of Peter. Peter can't imagine asking him too.

“Of course,” Paul says and nods toward Peter. Then he looks at Stephanie. “Are you... Are you coming as well?”

“I...” Steph looks between them. “I’m not-” It is the most at-a-loss Pete has ever seen her. “I wouldn’t want to... You guys were... Ruth and I, we weren’t... We only hung out a few times, and... I shouldn’t.” It’s Richie who reaches out and grabs her hand.

“Please, come with us. For Pete, and... for me?” Somehow, tears begin to drip down Richie’s face. (Peter is distantly impressed. He thinks that if he cried anymore, he would crumble into dust.) “You’re our friend, Steph. You are Ruth’s friend too.” He chuckles, and chokes on it. “She was so excited to have a friend who was a girl, you had no idea.”

Steph sniffles a bit. “She was my first girl friend too. At least, the first one who was actually nice to me.”

“Steph...” Paul says. Peter didn’t realize it at first, but his eyes are red. “Even if you think you weren’t as close-” Paul’s voice cracks, “-as you should have been, you get to be sad too, okay?”

“Paul...” Emma says, a twinge of genuine grief in her tone, but Peter can’t bring himself to care about whatever the fuck they are talking about, because Steph is looking between him and Richie like she is waiting for them to say something. Words are fucking impossible but to be honest, Peter doesn’t want to talk anyways. He holds his arms out and Stephanie falls into them. And Peter was wrong, because as Steph silently cries into his shoulder and Richie worms his ways into the hug, shoulders heaving, Peter finds he has more tears left to shed after all.

#peter spankoffski #npmd #stephanie lauter #richie lipschitz #hatchetfield #workin boys #workin boys spoilers #character death #lautski #ted spankoffski #ruth fleming #hatchetverse #angst #hurt/comfort #my writing #my fanfic #paul matthews

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amazingmsme · 1 year ago

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Wake Up (Proto)Call

AN: FINALLY, MY FIRST NPMD FIC!!! Been wanting to write this since I saw it, the brainrot is strong with this one. Just some Spankoffski bros fluff ft. Steph. This fic was an absolute blast to write! This trio literally own my heart now, wtf. Here’s day 29!

Ted walked down the hall toward's Peter's closed door, hands shoved deep in his pocket. He barely gave a knock before opening it.

"Hey Pete, got a min- oh. Well hello." Ted stood in the doorway awkwardly, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

Stephanie Lauter looked about the same, sitting on the leaning against the headboard with a book in hand and Peter napping in her lap. A blush quickly spread across her cheeks as a teasing smirk tugged on his lips. She gave a shy wave.

"Um, hi."

Ted walked into the room, milling about as he inspected his brother's shelves of action figures, comics and other nerdy memorabilia. He held a hand out for her to shake.

"I'm Ted, Pete's older brother." She arched a brow, but didn't shake his hand. He held his hands up in surrender. "Too cool for a handshake, hey, I get it." This seemed to snap her out of it.

"No! It's not that, you just- caught me off guard is all."

Ted gave her a skeptical, albeit amused look. "Mmhmm." He turned his back to her and grabbed a stack of comics. "I owe him 20 bucks now, so thanks a lot." Steph scoffed.

"Excuse me?" she asked incredulously, setting her book aside.

"I thought he was full of shit when he said he was meeting the mayor's daughter at Pasquale's, so obviously I made a bet," he explained as he started to sift through the stack. It was Stephanie's turn to smirk.

"And obviously you lost."

Ted snorted, but didn't pay her much attention beyond that. Steph frowned. "You know he's really particular about his stuff, right?" Ted turned around on his heels, bending at the waist to get closer to her height.

"Seeing as I've known him since birth, uh, yeah I do, lil miss," he snarked. Steph glared at him and flipped him off.

"Don't fucking call me that. I'm sure Peter doesn't want you snooping around his room anyway," she sassed back, crossing her arms, careful not to jostle Peter as he slept.

Ted rolled his eyes, somehow putting his whole body into it. "Yeah I was hoping he'd be gone, but asleep is the next best thing," he said, turning back to face her. "If you must know, I'm just trying to keep track of everything he's got. All this junk looks the same to me, and I can't just ask what he doesn't have, 'cause then he'll know what I'm getting him-" he started rambling.

Steph's expression softened into a grin. "His birthday's still a month away."

"Yeah, and I'm running out of time," he mused, setting the comics back where he got them. He even made sure they were ordered correctly, Stephanie noticed. He glanced at her, looking as though he wanted to say something. Stephanie scoffed and looked him up and down. "What?"

"I really wanna do this thing, but if I do Pete's probably gonna be pissed," he said, mischievous eyes glued to his brother's sleeping form. Mischief came off of him in waves Steph hummed as she reached for her book again.

"Then you probably shouldn't do it."

Ted took one step closer to the door, but meandered his way back to the side of the bed.

"Oh but it's a tradition. You see, it was always my job to wake him up for school, dude sleeps like a fuckin' log-" he started. Steph frowned and shook her head, a hand carding through his long hair.

"Don't wake him up, he's tired. I told him he could nap."

"Yeah but he has a guest over, and that shit's just flat out rude in my opinion. Besides, I think you'd really like it," he said the last bit in a singsong tone. She rolled her eyes and returned to her book.

"I'm serious, don't bother him." Then quieter, she added, "He's cute while he sleeps." He made a gagging motion while she was distractedly looking down at Peter, stopping right before she looked back at him.

Ted turned around in "defeat" and headed to the door, muttering, "Even cuter when he's being tickled." Now that got her attention.

"What?"

Her tone was joyous and inquisitive and when Ted looked at her, she had an evil smile spreading across her face. That's more like it.

Ted sauntered back, sitting on the bed next to his brother. "Oh yeah, one thing you need to know about my lil bro is that he's like, crazy ticklish. Seriously, you're welcome, I just gave you the key to getting anything you want from him," he chuckled, only have joking.

Steph was looking at her boyfriend in a new light. "Thank you. That is... very intriguing information."

Ted made a show of cracking his knuckles as he spoke, "This is one of the only ways to actually get him up. Yeah an alarm will wake him up, but he won't actually get outta bed, ya know?" He was hunched over Peter's sleeping frame with hands hovering over his torso. He gave her a sly grin. "I don't get to do this as often as I used to, so I'll take any chance I can get."

Steph giggled and ducked her head, "I don't blame you."

Peter was laying on his side with his head resting on Steph's thighs, his knees tucked close to his chest. Ted started poking up and down his side, slow at first but gaining speed as he went. To Stephanie's delight, sleepy giggles slipped past his lips as he began to stir.

Sporadic poking turned to scribbling and the small huffs of laughter grew more consistent. His hands swatted blindly at offending ones, but lacked the strength or accuracy to protect himself.

"C'mon Pete, time to wake up," he cooed, one hand trailing up to scribble at his neck. A tiny squeal slipped out as Peter scrunched his neck, burying his face in the flannel tied around Steph's waist.

"Tehed leave mehehe alooone," he whined in his half asleep state. It took a second for his foggy brain to connect the dots, but once they did he was wide awake. He shot up so fast it startled both of them, Steph even letting out a startled squeak. "TED WHAT THE FUCK? GET OUTTA MY ROOM!" he yelled and pointed at the door, face quickly turning red.

Ted sat on the edge of the bed, completely frozen with his hands in the air as if he'd been caught by the police. He was fighting off his own laughter, mouth gaping open in shock at the outburst. Shock quickly gave way to amusement.

He wore a sly yet somehow sheepish grin as he looked at Stephanie. "I promise he usually isn't like this," he joked, shooting her a wink.

"GET OUT!" Peter repeated, using his long legs to his advantage, kicking his brother in the back to shove him off the bed. Ted stumbled to his feet, giving his brother a bewildered look. What the hell was his deal? Oh right, they weren't alone.

"Alright aright, I'm leaving," he admitted defeat. He only made it two steps before Stephanie spoke up.

"No you aren't." Peter stared at his girlfriend, a look of utter betrayal in his face. Ted's brows furrowed in confusion as he turned back around.

"I'm not?"

"Yeah, he's not?"

"Ted here was just about to give a detailed demonstration on all your tickle spots," she said, so matter of factly. Both Spankoffski brothers scoffed in shock before she continued, "Weren't you?" She looked at Ted expectantly, cocking her head to the side. There was something almost... challenging in her eyes. As if she dared him not to comply to her demands.

"I wasn't planning on it, but if you insist!" It took little to no convincing for Ted to take the golden opportunity presented here.

"No wait!" Peter protested, about to bolt off the bed when a hand around his wrist pulled him back. His nervous smile grew wider by the second. "Steph, let go."

"No," she said, an evil grin firmly in place. She snatched for his other wrist, and he moved it out of reach just in time. He held his arm out to the side as far as he could while Stephanie stretched across him, trying to grab him. She took the cheaters way out in the end and scribbled in his exposed armpit, causing him to slam his arm against his side for protection, a bark of laughter escaping past his lips. She easily caught his wrist and pulled both of his arms above his head.

"Thanks for being so cooperative babe," she said and Peter rolled his eyes.

"You're not welcome," he snarked.

"I'd be nicer if I were you. She doesn't look like she holds back," Ted chuckled as he sat on his ankles to keep him in place. Peter kicked and tugged on his legs, but they remained firmly trapped.

"C'mon guys, this isn't funny!"

"Really? Then why're you laughing?"

"But I'm not-" Peter was cut off with a shriek when Ted struck, squeezing his younger brother's boney knees. He yanked his arms down, catching Steph off guard with the level of strength he displayed. His hands immediately moved to cover his face and clamp over his mouth.

"Oh yeah, forgot to warn you, he's stronger than he looks," Ted added casually, as if he wasn't making Peter scream with laughter. "But knees: major weak spot." Steph nodded in understanding as she wrestled Peter's arms into her hold once more.

"Ohoho you're one toho tahahahalk!" he managed through his laughter.

"This isn't about me though, is it? Nooo, it's about you," he emphasized his point with a poke to his tummy, making him try to curl in on himself with a squeak. Ted continued, "Anyway, his belly's also pretty bad," he noted, forming a claw with his hand and hovered it in the air. Peter saw what he was doing and shook his head frantically.

"NO! Tehehed Ihihi'll kihihill you!" he threatened through giddy, nervous giggles. His older brother merely shrugged.

"I'd like to see you try," he said, not quite as condescending as usual.

Steph had had enough just watching and shifted his hands under her legs so she could join the fray. She looked at Ted expectantly.

"Where should I start?" she asked, smiling at the indignant cry Peter let out. Ted chuckled in amusement.

"Well he's ticklish just about anywhere, so knock yourself out," he encouraged, ignoring the indignant protest that mingled with Peter's laughter.

"Yeah, but what's a good spot?" she pressed further, seemingly unsatisfied with the vague answer.

"Well if you wanna hear the cutest giggles ever then go for his neck. Oh! And if you scratch at this one spot behind his ears he'll snort really loud, it's hilarious!"

"TEHEHED! Shut thehehe fuck uhup!" he shrieked, his cheeks taking on a dark pink hue from the flustering conversation taking place overhead.

"Wow, is that how you talk to your brother?" Steph asked in a taunting tone. Peter shook his head, babbling protests spilling from his mouth as she skittered her nails over his neck. Ted really wasn't kidding: this was probably the cutest sound she'd ever heard her boyfriend make. She was smiling down at him, her grin stretched from ear to ear as she scribbled her nails just behind his ears.

Peter snorted and tried hiding his face in the crook of his arm, but it still left half of it exposed for Steph's viewing pleasure.

“Oho my God, that’s so cute!” she exclaimed, leaning so far into his personal space they nearly touched noses. Ted fake gagged behind her back, for no one’s benefit but his own. “Do it again,” she ordered, using both hands to scratch at that spot.

A loud squeal was abruptly cut off by a giggly snort, and Peter turned a shade darker.

“Steheheph nohoho!” he whined, kicking his legs futilely where they remained pinned.

“Steph yes!” he cried, ducking down to blow a raspberry on his neck. Peter threw his head back, wild cackles filling the air. Ted leaned back, looking impressed and proud.

“Wow, and I didn’t even have to tell you about that!” he teased, reaching out to tweak Peter’s hips. He yelped, twisting side to side.

When Steph blew the third raspberry, Ted decided to show a little mercy. He grabbed a lock of Stephanie’s long hair, giving a few gentle tugs to get her attention, “Hey, we wanna keep him alive, yeah?” Steph looked over her shoulders, leveling him with a harsh glare as she yanked her hair back.

“You do?” Peter asked breathlessly from where he laid beneath his tormentors. They both chuckled and finally relented.

“Mhm,” Ted hummed cheerfully, standing up from the bed and dusting himself off.

“You got a funny way of showin’ it.”

“Hey, what’re brothers for?” he asked with a shrug. He held his hand out for a fist bump. Peter scoffed, looked at the hand, then at his brother. He sighed in defeat and gave him a fist bump. He turned back towards the door, ready to leave for real this time, when he was stopped once again by a familiar voice.

“I’ll get you back you know!”

Ted stopped in the doorway, one arm resting against the frame as he casually leaned on one foot. Peter was sitting up now, leveling him with a determined stare. It was a look Ted had seen before. He smirked; Peter rarely followed through on his threats.

“Yeah? I’d like to see you try,” he said, classic condescending snark returning to his tone. He turned back around, only taking one step before another voice spoke up.

“He’s a lot braver now, you know.”

Ted spun around on his heels, retort ready on the tip of his tongue when he saw his brother standing by his bed, a confident smirk on his face.

Ted’s own cocky smile faltered into something a bit more nervous. He took a step back, holding his hands out in front of him.

“Hang on now, Pete. W-wait!”

Peter cocked his head, like Ted had done so many times at him. Well shit.

“Why would I do that?”

Ted saw movement from the corner of his eye and noticed Steph also stand.

“Hey, I helped you!”

“Actually, I asked for a comprehensive list of his tickle spots, and IIII don’t knooow… that didn’t seem like a fully comprehensive list to me.”

That little bitch!

Ted scoffed, “Did you just use me to get your way?”

Steph wore a truly radiant smile. “Get used to it.”

Ted took another step back. “I had to leave you some surprises!” he defended himself, shrieking when Peter lunged at him. He just barely escaped when Peter caught him by the shirt, sprinting out of his grasp. His celebration was short lived when he was tackled to the ground.

“Oh Ted, I bet you thought this day would never come. But it’s about damn time you had a taste of your own medicine.”

He could never take what he dished out.

#tickletober #tickletober 2023 #tickletober day 29 #peter spankoffski #ted spankoffski #stephanie lauter #hatchetfield #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #npmd fic #npmd tickle fic #ticklish!peter #ticklish!pete

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hatchetfield-omegaverse · 2 months ago

Text

Hail Petey, Full of Grace (2/5)

By: Myself & @daisyybellls

AO3

Chapter 1

Chapter Summary:

“Oh, his grandchild?” Jerry says with the shit eating grin on his face. “I thought it was an immaculate conception? You're telling me Stephanie that, on top of being an accomplice to assaulting two counselors, your boyfriend also lied to the whole camp.”

Shit. Steph bites her tongue when she realizes what she'd done. What a rookie mistake, revealing Pete's lie like that. She Knew better than that. Honestly. Luckily, Steph has years of experience at avoiding being caught in a lie. Experience that she's more than happy to put to use if it means keeping Pete out of trouble.

“No,” Steph says, keeping her voice measured, “it was an immaculate conception, just like Pete said. My dad has just uh… offered to take Peter in in case his brother didn’t accept him. Like, uh shoot, what’s that guy's name?”

“Joseph.” Boy Jerry says through gritted teeth. “His name was Joseph”

“Right!” Steph snaps her fingers. “Joseph. See if Grace is right about this whole Mother Mary thing, which she is, that would make me Joseph, right?”

A/N:

@daisyybellls: thank you so much to my co-writer girlwithcateyes or editing this chapter (and adding 1200 words bc my brain is finals mush) your the best, and a great big thank you to my friend and ao3 user randomramblingsofme for helping me come up with all the good jokes in this Chapter.

Note: I looked up the bible verses featured in this chapter and picked the translation that would work best, so they might not all match up to being in the same version, but also this is a Hatchetfield fanfic so I don't think anyone cares. I care so now you need to know

Chapter 2: The Annunciation

“Mom, Dad,” Grace says, pushing her peas around. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the Virgin Mary lately.”

Both of their forks stop moving at the same time. Karen and Mark look at each other and then over at Grace.

“Oh honey, you aren’t thinking of becoming a Catholic are you?” Karen furrows her brows. Grace gasps, she’d never. Catholics were idol worshipers who prayed to the dead, she would sooner die than convert to Catholicism.

“Now, let’s not jump to any conclusions, Mother.” Mark says. “It’s normal for a young girl to be curious about such matters. Let's at least hear her out before passing judgment.”

“No I just.” She bites her lip; she can’t just come out and tell her parents about Steph yet, but then she remembers the fifth commandment. “Well there’s this person at school who's experiencing an unexpected pregnancy, and I was trying to find a way to minister to them.”

“Oh lord above.” Karen says, bringing a hand to her chest. There's a metallic clink as her fork hits the plate.“I wasn’t aware that something like that happened at Hatchetfield High, do you think we should pull you out?”

“Oh no!” Grace says. Hatchetfield High might have been a nest of sin, but even Daniel needed to go to Babaylon. As frightening as it could be, Grace knew that saving the souls of her fellow classmates was worth witnessing the sins that she did. “It’s nothing like that, I just think that they just need some extra counseling during their time of need, and I thought Mary would be a good example for them.”

“Well then of course dear!” Karen says “It was important that she said yes to God because otherwise Jesus wouldn’t exist.”

“Your Mother is right,” Mark chimes in, “why I believe that all young ladies should aspire to be as virtuous as Mary was.”

“Do you know who it is?” Karen asks after a moment of silence. “We’ve put aside some funds at the church, and I’d love for some of that money to go to someone in need.”

“I doubt that Stephine Lauter will need any money.” Grace snorts, sawing a piece of piece of her meatloaf. Oh fudge! She hadn’t meant to let that out. She’d promised not to tell anyone. Well cats out of the bag now, and besides, her parents were good, god honoring people. They would want to help Stephanie as best they could.

“Isn’t that the Mayor’s daughter?” Mark asked, brows furrowing.

Grace nods her mouth full of meatloaf. She was going to mention the award Steph got for having sex, but if her parents knew that there was a secret sex ring at Hatchetfeld they’d pull her out for sure, and then she wouldn’t be able to minister to all the lost souls there! She supposed that some secrets would have to just stay secrets. For everyone's sake.

“Interesting,” Karen murmurs, “very interesting.”

Grace continues chewing her meatloaf. She hadn’t meant to reveal Stephaine’s secret but it was better that an adult knew. But now that someone knows, they’ll tell Steph’s dad! Then he can help her out! Get her the support she needs. That's what parents do: they help their children who are struggling.

Grace looks at Pete standing up on that stage, and something finally clicks in her head. She finally gets why some Catholics called Mary The New Arc Of The Covenant: through her the Savior was able to come into the world. Pete looks radiant: the sun frames the back of his head almost light a halo, and she can feel the Holy Spirit pulling her towards Peter. It must have taken so much courage to say yes to carrying the savior, especially since he wasn’t that religious. He’d made the ultimate sacrifice, giving up his body for God’s purpose and even if she was a little jealous that it wasn’t her.

In that moment she decides she needs to do everything in her power to make this a comfortable pregnancy for Peter. After all, he might be able to put in a good word for the Savior. She thinks back to Elizabeth and how she had been such a good friend and confidant, and she was the mother of John the Baptist, one of the most important people besides Jesus.

Oh yes, she can all but hear a holy voice telling her to take Peter under her wing. ‘ Grace,’ it calls to her, ‘It's your job now to help young Peter. He's going to face many trials and tribulations now that he's carrying The Messiah, and it's your job to guide him. Show him and The Messiah my light as I know only you can.’

So when Pete announces in front of everyone on the first day of camp that an angel (i.e THE ARCHANGEL FLIPPING GABRIEL) visited him in a dream, it all clicks into place and before she even realizes what’s happening she’s standing up and..

“Just like MOTHER MARY,” Grace adds. Perhaps a little louder than she means to because now everyone is staring at her, like she’s crazy but it all makes sense now and she can’t believe that no one else can see it. Their savior is right here at Camp Idontwannabang and everyone is acting like it's nothing. They should be kissing Peter's feet for his sacrifice. Boy Jerry turns his eerie gaze on Grace. He smiles widely but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I’m familiar with her” Boy Jerry says “But Grace, might I remind you that the Virgin Mary was also a woman. ”

“But umm what if…” Grace dry swallows, “what if God gave Peter mommy parts so he can have the Messiah?”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Boy Jerry says, “Why would the Messiah come though a man?”

“Umm because he came though a woman last time?” Grace says and Boy Jerry just laughs as the rest of the camp starts to snicker along with him.

"I've seen people like him attend Camp Idontwannabang before.” Boy Jerry sneers, circling Pete like a panther ready to pounce. Grace’s fists clench in anger as he speaks.

“Seductresses. Temptresses. Jezebels of every type” Jerry looks around at the campers, his eyes landing on Girl Jeri who quickly looks down at her shoes. “Unfortunately he's not the first, nor will he be the last, vixen who tries to lead innocent campers astray.”

The chorus of campers starts to grow in snickering, muttering about how Grace must be losing her mind. But she doesn't listen to any of that, the voice in her head cutting through all the nonsense surrounding her.

“But what if you're wrong?” She asks, silencing the crowd with her simple question. She walks up to the stage where Pete and the Jerries are standing and turns to look back at the crowd, steadying herself before asking, “What if the almighty is going to return to earth through this boy?” She points at Pete who seems just as confused. “And what if, by ignoring this child in need and mocking him, you're damning yourself for all time?”

“Well fine,” Boy Jerry says, thumping a Bible down in Grace’s hand, “if you can find any Biblical evidence for this kind of event I’ll believe you.”

Grace gives Pete a quick look, and it’s all over now. Not even Grace is going to be able to spin a Bible verse to prove this immaculate conception. He’s going to have to spend the rest of the summer as the poster child for abstinence for these anti-sex weirdos.

“Umm ok.” Grace says, flipping through the worn pages of the black leather book. Eventually, she lands on a passage and reads, “This is from the Gospel of Mattew, So I will call you Peter, which means ‘a rock.’ On this rock I will build my church, and death itself will not have any power over it.”* The conviction in her voice growing with every word.

She moves the Bible closer to her chest and closes her eyes, her lips move in a silent prayer.

“Well? Go on?” Boy Jerry says gesturing at Peter. More specifically to his belly. “What does that have to do with this?”

“Well- Maybe the lord is going to rebuild his church through Peter.” Grace says her conviction growing with every world, “And after the second coming, the righteous are going to live forever, right? So it’s possible that, through Peter, Christ is going to come again, and death will not prevail over him.”

Holy shit… Grace Chastity might actually be a genius. Maybe he should be a little more concerned at how easily she can twist the Bible to fit her options, but right now Pete is too relieved to think about that. He exhales for what feels like the first time all week.

To his shock, some of the other campers actually start clapping at her words. Boy Jerry snatches the Bible out of Graces hand and flips to a section that’s bookmarked with a well worn cloth bookmark.

“I have another passage that might describe this situation a little better.” Jerry says to the group and turns to a well worn bookmark ribbon. “In the Revelation of Jesus Christ, John writes about a woman he sees who is often described as the whore of babylon. ‘ And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet color, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication.’”**

Pete’s cheeks burn with embarrassment. What’s this guy's damage? Where (or where not) does a thirty-something get off on slut shaming teenagers.

“How could you say that?” Grace cries in indignation. “What if Joseph hadn’t believed Mary: she would have gotten stoned to death! And Jesus would have never been born, and then none of us would be here today!”

The campers start to murmur at that. Peter thinks he hears the word Pharisee thrown around more than once. He can see a vein start to strain against Boy Jerry's forehead that he's sure is seconds away from bursting. After a minute of this, Girl Jerri steps in and grabs Grace's arm. Pete feels a protective pull in gut and is ready to stand up and defend her but the look in Steph's eyes stops him.

“Thank you so much for that spirited conversation Grace but, as a junior counselor, you really don’t have the authority to be arguing with Jerry.” Girl Jeri says, “You wouldn't want to be demoted down to just regular camper, now would you?”

That seems to shut Grace up for a moment. Then, with fire in her eyes she turns to the crowd.

“Well no, but I have a duty to Christ first.” Grace says turning from the Jerries towards the rest of the campers, “And so do all of you, if we don’t support Mother Mary now, who knows what Jesus will do to us when he comes BACK.”

Murmurs erupt from the rest of the campers as both of the Jerries have to forcibly Grace from the stage. She doesn’t go quietly though; wildly kicking her legs back and forth. Pete smiles to himself, knowing that the Jerries are probably going to end up with some bruised shins.

While the Jerries are busy with Grace, the other campers slowly turn towards Steph and Pete and stare. Elijah, the counselor from before, starts trying to herd everyone back towards the cabins for the first activity of the day. Somehow in all the commotion, Pete ends up back by Steph’s side.

“What the fuck what that?” Steph says, pulling him as close as their allowed to.

“I don’t know.” Pete shrugs, “Who knows what goes on in the twisted mind of Grace Chastity. ”

“This is going to be a long summer.” Steph mutters.

And it was. Since he was ‘a bystander to violence against a counselor’, Pete got lumped in with Grace’s solitary confinement and had to stay in his cabin for a week. Which meant Steph wouldn’t see the father of her child for a full week. On the plus side, it meant no Grace for a week, so she supposed it evened out.

Monday is spent making wallets (borning), canoeing (slightly less boring), and making boondoggles (extremely boring). Activities which do nothing in distracting Steph ofPeter's absence. All she can think about is him, alone in his cabin, with no one to know if he needs help. And yet, as she's forced to attend an evening sermon where Boy Jerry waxes poetically on the virtues of ‘Just saying no.’, she can't help but feel like he's the lucky one. At least solitary confinement means that Pete gets to avoid all of this. That night, as she tosses and turns in her bunk, Steph feels like bashing her head in, and she still has six more days to get through.

Tuesday morning, Steph wakes up to the sounds of people still shuffling around the cabin. Strange. Everyone has usually left by the time she’s gotten up. She sits up and stretches, watching her cabin mates rush around the room.

“What’s going on?” She mutters, voice barely audible over the sound of something hitting the top of the roof.

“Good, Stephanie you're up. Start gathering your stuff.” Mary, her stuck up counselor, says. “There’s a bad thunderstorm, so we all have to move to the Big House till it passes.”

Right, well that explained what the sound on the roof was.

“Why? It's just a little rain?” Steph asks, ever the contrarian. Besides, she's warm and doesn’t want to leave her bed.

“Well, if you want to be in a wooden cabin when it’s hit by lightning, then be my guest,” Mary says, “but if not, be in the Big House in an hour.”

Which is how she ends up in the Big House at 10 in the morning. It’s not that bad, it’s the only place on the premises that has air conditioning, so that’s a plus. But, with all 140 campers having been stuffed into the building's confines, it’s a bit of a tight squeeze. Worst of all, she can’t find Peter anywhere. Eventually, she finds the Jerries in the great room.

“Hi Jerri, have you seen Pete?” She asks.

The older woman doesn’t look her in the eyes , but starts muttering something that Steph can’t make out, teeth worrying at her bottom lip.

“He’s still in his cabin.” Boy Jerry says as he comes up behind her. He places a hand on Jeri’s shoulder that Steph doesn’t like at all. “After all, he’s in solidarity, he needs to learn his lesson doesn’t he, Girl Jeri ?”

Jeri nods obediently at his words, her green eyes dark with worry. Steph just furrows her brow.

“What if he gets sick?” She asks, voice thick with worry. “You know won’t just be bad for him?”

“Well, he should have thought of that before he acted out. It's like they say: you do the crime, you do the time.” Jerry says, turning away from her to do something else.

Oh no, oh hell no. He's not getting out of this that easy. Steph pulls on his stupid Virginity Rocks shirt forcing him to look back at her.

“I don’t think my father, Mayor Lauter, would appreciate the father of his grandchild being left out in the cold.” Steph says. She hates pulling the ‘my dad’s the mayor’ card this early in the conversation, but she’s desperate to see Pete safe.

“Joseph.” Boy Jerry says through gritted teeth. “His name was Joseph”

“Right!” Steph snaps her fingers. “Joseph. See if Grace is right about this whole Mother Mary thing, which she is, that would make me Joseph, right?”

“It would.” Boy Jerry says slowly, “Don’t expect any special attention though.”

“I wouldn’t,” Steph says, “sir.”, she adds at the last second. Jerry seems like the kinda guy who likes being called sir.

“Good.” Jerry says, then walks away.

“I’ll do what I can.” Jeri says, giving her a weak smile. “He just get in these kinds of moods sometimes”

Steph gives her a smile.

“Jeri!” Jerry calls and she shuffles after him. She's only just turned when Steph sees it. There, peeking out from just under the hem of Girl Jeri’s sleeve, lays an angry red mark in the vaguest shape of a hand. Steph's jaw clenches as she notes how similar it is in size to Boy Jerry's hands. Holy man indeed.

Wednesday is barely any better. The onslaught of rain hasn't stopped, which means they are still stuck in the big house. They'd spent the night there: boys on one side and girls on the other, a makeshift wall of sheets between them and counselors keeping guard in order to prevent any ‘funny business’. Steph hadn’t slept a wink, too busy worrying about Pete to even consider getting any rest. She hoped that the rain would have stopped by the morning, but unfortunately the storm had other plans. One of the other counselors says that the last time it rained like this was 18 years ago, where it had stormed the entire first week of camp. Steph really hopes that this isn't a repeat of that.

Steph spends the day playing round after round of go fish and board games with some of the kids from the Eleven year olds group, the rain continuing to come down on the roof all the while. Other people have started to notice that Grace is gone. Apparently, she’s kind of a legend among these weird Bible kids. She’s been coming to camp as long as some of them have even been alive. She’s even babysat most of the younger ones for years. And, without Grace around, there’s been a vacuum created that apparently Steph is going to fill.

She’s forced to play about a million games of crazy eights with the younger kids. In between games they seem to have an infinite amount of questions about the storm for her.

“Stephie?” One of the younger ones, Annie Steph thinks her name is, asks after she wins another couple of games “Why did God make the storm come during camp?”

“Uh, listen I’m not really the person to ask about that kinda thing.” Steph says. “I didn’t really grow up with that kinda thing, Church and all that.”

The kids around her flinch as if she’d said she never brushed her teeth before in her life. Just when they all seem to calm down from that revelation a clap of thunder echoes outside and all of them flinch again. A flash of lightning illuminates the room and the kids huddle closer to her, fear evident of their tiny faces.

“Is God mad at us?” Annie ask, clinging to her arm. “Is he punishing us for something?”

“No, of course he’s not.” Steph moves her hand to pet Annie’s hair in a way she’s seen mothers do in movies. A way that she so vaguely remembers her own mother doing before she died. “The storm is nothing more than, uh god bowling.”

That makes the kids laugh a little bit and Annie wipes away her tears. Steph feels a small pang in her chest that feels strange and foreign. She only has a second to think about it before Jerry walks past her on the phone.

“Give me a second. You guys keep playing without me.” Steph says to the kids while moving after Jerry. She can only hear one end of the conversation.

“Yes, he’s doing fine.” Jerry says with that false cheery tone. “No, I'm sorry I can’t put him on the phone. Sorry, that's just camp policy. It’s to combat homesickness. I understand that this is a unique set of circumstances Mr. Spankoffoski, but our policies are clearly outlined on our website. He’s doing great, really taking to the message, yep. I'll pass on the message. Thank you for your concern, Mr. Spankoffoski.”

She follows him up into the laundry room of the Big House: three sets of washers and dryers were pushed up against one wall. Jerry was sitting against the other wall.

“You're lying.” Steph says without thinking. She walks forward, hands on her hips. “Why are you lying to his older brother?”

Jerry sits up, surprised that Steph was in the room with him.

“That was a personal conversation, Stephanie.” Jerry spits out. “It’s none of your business.”

“It is when my boyfriend is stuck in a solitary cabin while you're lying to his brother about it!” Steph practically yells at him. She’s ready to fucking murder this man if he doesn’t get Peter out of solitary soon.

“You know Stephanie,” Jerri says in his trademark faux charming voice, “I had a very similar situation when I was your age. I was seduced by a girl, she got pregnant, and tried to force me to take responsibility for her harlotry.”

“That’s not what Pete’s doing, and you know it takes two to tango,” Steph spits back at him. Her fists clench. “I have a responsibility as the Earthly mother of that child.”

“But that's the thing, you don’t have to. I know Grace can get a little carried away with some of these things, she tends to take things a tad too literally sometimes.”

“She’s not a liar and neither is Peter.” Steph says, lying through her teeth.

“I know. And people who tell the truth deserve to be rewarded, don't you agree?”

“It depends.” Steph says. “I think that tattletales deserve what’s coming to them.”

“Well, I think I could help out anyone who tells the truth. ” Jerry says. “Like say getting them out of camp activities if they were to say… admit to certain falsehoods that they had been involved in perpetuating.”

“Well there haven’t been many camp activities going on lately, have there?” Steph counters. “So that’s not a particularly good reward, now is it?”

“We could possibly also arrange an early graduation, as I understand it the people of Hatchetfield have a little shindig around the Fourth of July? July first seems like a great graduation date don’t you think?”

The Monroe's block party. Steph had gone every year since she could walk. They always bought more booze than anyone knew what to do with. It made the perfect opportunity to steal away and get completely fucked up without any consequences. It was always the best part of her summer. For a split second she considers it. She could last here another three weeks if it meant being able to drink consequence free.

She could imagine it now: swimming in the Monroe's massive pool, the American flag fruit cake that Linda Monroe always insisted was homemade, and stealing her fair share of free booze. God she couldn't wait to spend the evening curling up under the fireworks, beer bottle in hand, making out with… with Pete. Pete who wouldn't be there because he'd be stuck here. Probably going through worse punishments because she'd have sold him out.

No. She wouldn’t let Pete go through the rest of camp by himself. Wouldn’t put him through another two months without her. Besides, she'd miss her baby anyway. She and Pete were in this together, and Steph was not about to sell him up the river for warm beer and fireworks.

“It does sound tempting Jerry,” Steph says, “but I don’t think I’ve really learned my lesson, besides I’d hate to miss the end of Camp fire circle!” She’s sure to a bit of Grace Chasity's brand of pep into her voice as an extra fuck you.

Grace is man handled into a solitary cabin by Boy Jerry and one of the other male counselors. But she doesn’t go down without a struggle. Grace is kicking, screaming, and just generally the whole way to the cabin.

“You can’t do this!” Grace shouts. “I’m a junior counselor, aren't only campers supposed to be put in solitary?” That had been in C.I.T manual last year, ‘only campers who commit major infractions (see appendix 3 subjection 4) will be subject to solitary confinement, based on the infraction committed (see appendix 3 subjection 5)’. Grace had memorized the whole thing last year because she’d missed camp so much.

“Well, it’s really up to the discretion of the head of camp.” Jerry says. “Which just so happens to be me, and I’ve been wanting to this for a long time.”

Then they unceremoniously toss her into the cabin, not even letting her stop to get anything from her cabin. She bangs on the door but her cries seem to fall on deaf ears.

After a couple of hours of pleading with the door Grace realizes something. This has to be a test from God: he’s using the Jerries to make sure that she’s really ready to help the new mother of Christ. This baby has a lifetime of non-believers just like the Jerries ahead of them, and it'll be Grace's job to protect Pete and the baby from harm. Part of her almost pities the Jerries for their ignorance. She knows they'll regret their actions when the new Christ is born. But she tried to warn them and they refused to listen.

They didn’t allow her to go get her PJ’s out of her cabin so she’s left to stew in her Virginity Rocks shirt. It’s unclear whether or not she’s stuck here for only a couple of days or the whole summer, but she plans on making the best of it all.

After nearly three days of trying to avoid the leaks in the roof, Grace had combed the cabin top to bottom. She’d only found one loose floorboard, under which was a box full of porngraphic material (gross she probably touched some wayward spunk!) Some hologain had carved his initials into the floorboard JRF 6/10/2002. Gosh that was only about a week into camp. Grace can’t even imagine what someone would have to do to get sent to solitary in the first week. Well she was in solitary the first week… but that was different! She did the work of the lord!

On the third day of her confinement, she’s praying on her bed when the door opens.

“Are you going to let me out of solidarity now?” Grace asks when the Jerries walk through the door.

“You were never in solidarity, we just thought you could use some alone time after your little outburst.” Boy Jerry says. Grace looks at his legs but he’s wearing long khakis, and the bruises that she had seen the last time they spoke were hidden.

“We don’t want to encourage people to rebel against authority, god doesn’t like that.” Girl Jeri says, putting her hand on Grace’s thigh. Her smile seems more plastic than usual. “You have to understand that.”

“We must obey God rather than men.”*** Grace mutters under her breath. She thinks of Jesus turning over the tables in the temple, of Daneil in the Lion’s den, Esther disobeying the king of Babylon.

“You should come join us for a craft circle so that all the campers see how well you're doing.” Boy Jerry offers, “We're weaving baskets today. I know that's a favorite of yours.”

“Well, I’m not going to change my beliefs based on anything you say.” Grace says. “So if that’s going to be a problem, then you might as well leave me in here.”

The Jerries look back at each other and seem to have a whole conversation in the span of a look.

“Listen Grace,” Jeri says, “we need to know that we can trust you not to revolt against the camp, ok?”

Revolt against camp? That had never been her intention; she was just trying to reveal the word of Christ to her fellow campers, sure she did assault Boy Jerry, and she did feel bad about that, but she wasn't about to overthrow the Jerries.

“I’m sorry about your knees, Boy Jerry.” She says, bowing her head. “I was just trying to do what you told me to do.”

“What do you mean dear?” Jeri asks. She sits next to Grace on the bed and she instinctively leans her head on Jeri’s chest.

“It's just that you always taught me to be loud and proud of my love for Jesus Christ.” She says as Jeri pets her hair “And I was trying to show my support for the new Mother Mary.”

Jerry continues to glare at her but, just as he starts to say something, Jeri cuts him off.

“I know that dear.” Jeri says. “But sometimes in the process you hurt people, so why don’t you come warm up in the big house and get some hot cocoa and a shower, then we can talk this out ok?”

Grace sniffles, it had been hard these past couple of days. The last time she’d gotten into trouble was when she’d stayed up an hour past her bedtime when she was five years old and that had eaten her up for years. This kind of rebellion wasn't in her nature, even if she was doing the right thing. It must have been so hard for Jesus; having to rebel against authority to spread God's love.

“Yea, that sounds nice.” Grace says, standing up and for the first time in three days she leaves the cabin.

She’s granted a hero's welcome when she walks into the Big House, the campers quite literally breaking into applause at her entrance. Some of the younger campers cling to her leg as she walks though the big house. Everyone high fives her, even Gabe gives her a respectful nod. The Jerries try to calm them down but everyone is going completely feral and don’t even notice what’s going on.

“Guys,” Grace giggles, “I know you all missed me so much, but we really shouldn’t be focused on me right now.” she motions for everyone to settle down a little bit. “We really should be focusing on the mother to be? We have so much to do before the baby gets here. Where is he?”

Everyone goes silent at that. Grace looks around trying to see what’s happening. She looks to Girl Jeri for answers, but the Co-head pastor won't her gaze.

“Where is he?” She asks. “Come on, where’s Peter?”

Steph is the first one to meet her eyes.

“He’s still in solitary.” Steph says, glaring behind her at the Jerries. “They haven’t let him out since they put you in there”

“You what?” Grace says and in that moment lightning flashed across the sky. It's then that everything clicks. That's the reason the storm is happening. God must be angry at the Jerries if the storm has lasted this long.

“Well, you have to let him go.” Grace says, crossing her arms. “Why do you think the rains have been this bad? The Lord has been made angry that his new Queen of Heaven is being ignored!”

The campers look among each other. But Stephine is the first one to say anything.

“You're right, Grace.” Steph says. “We really should let him out, maybe then we can get back to all those fun camp activities we haven’t gotten to do since we’ve gotten stuck in here.”

There’s something off about Steph's tone, but Grace doesn’t care about that right now. Some of the younger campers agree with her. Then their older siblings move to agree, soon all of camp is cheering to let them go.

“LET HIM OUT! LET HIM OUT!”They all chant in unison, Grace and Stephanie's voices some of the loudest.

Boy Jerry seems flabbergasted as he tries and fails to get everyone under control. Grace sees Jeri whisper something in his ear and he rolls his eyes.

“Fine!” Jerry yells. “We can let him out!”

That’s all it takes for the campers, led by Steph and Grace to barrel out of the big house and towards the Gomorrah cabin to free Pete, stopping only briefly for Steph to grab a key ring from Boy Jerry's belt.

Grace organizes everyone into a line (marching two by two, Noah's arc style) as they march towards the cabin. Steph struggles with the keys. Then she finally finds the right one. “Pete?” She calls into the cabin.

There's a moment of deafening silence as everyone holds their breath. It takes a moment till Pete answers the door with a “Hello?”

All of them explode in cheers as a very confused Peter Spankoffski walks out of the cabin. He looks bewildered as everyone starts to celebrate. What's more, seemingly the exact second that Pete steps out of the cabin, the rain stops and the sun shines on Camp Idontwannabang once more, which just makes everyone go crazier.

“What’s going on?” Pete asks, looking at Steph. He’s too close to her for camp regulation, but Grace can give the holy family a break on this occasion. “They locked the door on me and wouldn’t tell me anything when they slipped food though.”

“The Lord was punishing the camp.” Grace says, looking at the clear blue sky with the appropriate amount of reverence. “For keeping his chosen one locked up, he sent a storm, and now that you're free he’s lifted his punishment.”

“Wel, l” Jerry says, crossing his arms over his chest ,“since the Lord Of The Universe has forgiven us I suppose a celebration is in order.”

His voice sounds different from Jerry’s usual happy voice, and Grace doesn’t understand why. They should be celebrating. The campers cheer again.

“Hey Grace?” Stephanie tugs. “Would you mind covering for us for a bit? I need to talk to Pete for a second. Alone. ”

She’s not supposed to. As a Junior Counselor Grace is tasked with making sure that campers are not left alone with each other, especially campers of the opposite sex. But Steph is dating the next earthly mother of the Messiah and that is a lot to take in. Gosh, maybe Pete hadn’t told Steph that it was the next Jesus. Maybe she had a dream about being the earthly father of Christ. Grace says a silent prayer that she took it well and nothing happens to him.

“Of course, Steph!” Grace says, her normal pep entering her voice “Just make sure you guys are back in time for the fire circle, ok?”

Steph nods quickly, grabbing Pete’s hand as she does. They walk off together into the long light of smmer. Grace can swear that she sees twin circles of light encircle both of their heads. She hopes that she remembers to tell the baby about them. Crimmeny she might even end up as Aunt Grace. She smiles at the thought. Auntie Gracie certainly has a nice ring to it.

Steph doesn’t take her hand off him till they’re a safe distance from any prying eyes. She’s gotta make sure that Pete is alright and that they didn’t do anything to him while she couldn’t see. They finally reach a clearing in the witchwood that’s far enough away that no one else can see them.

“Are you ok?” She asks, turning to him “Did they do any freaky shit to you? Did they hurt you? Because we can sue if they did.”

Pete just looks at her for a moment and giggles.

“No, of course not,” Pete smiles at her and that part of her brain that had been screaming danger for the past week calms down a little bit, “I basically got put on bed rest for three days.”

“Good.” Steph says, taking her hands off of his shoulders. “I was so worried that something would happen to you or the baby and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.”

“I’m ok, I promise” Pete says. Steph can’t help but sniffle. She didn’t think of herself as a crier, but the last couple of days had kept her on high alert.

“Hey Steph,” Pete says with a smile, putting her hand on his bump so she can feel a little kick, “do you know what today is?”

“Uhh, it’s June 9th I think?” She says wiping a tear off her face. “I don’t know. They all kinda blurred together during the storm.” She’d taken a couple naps to stave of boredom, though now she wasn’t sure how many times Jerry had called for lights out.

“It’s June Tenth actually.” Pete says. He nudges Steph with his elbow. “Happy Birthday. Congrats on being a legal adult.”

Oh. He’s right. Usually she would have been planning her party for months. Would have had a countdown going for weeks now, culminating with a celebratory birthday pancake breakfast at Miss Retro's. But she’d been too busy worrying about going to camp, stressing out over the pregnancy, and dealing with whatever the hell Grace was doing to think about herself.

“Oh, I didn’t even realize.” Steph murmurs. “Guess I am.”

It didn't feel real. This time last year she’d been drunk off cheap beer: She, Brenda, and Stacy had organized the first real rager of the summer. They’d invited anyone who was anyone and the smoke club of course, they might have been losers but they always shared their weed so they always got invited. Max had smashed her face in the grocery store cake and it had only said APY BTD SEP. She’d gotten plastered and made out with Jason before hurling off her dad’s balcony. It had been her best birthday on record.

She'd promised herself last year that she would throw an even better party for her 18th birthday. She wanted to throw the biggest rager Hatchetfield had ever seen to celebrate being an adult. Being free from her father.

And now she was here. In the middle of the woods with ‘Mirco-Peter’ Spankoffiski, quite possibly the biggest loser of Hatchetfield High, feeling his pregnant stomach. What a year it’s been. She almost feels disappointed. Then the baby kicks and Steph starts to cry. Because there was nowhere else she’d be right now than in the middle of the woods with her little family. Overcome with emotion she leans down and kisses the bump.

“Listen baby ” She says leaning in so only the baby can hear, “You know your granddad is a grade a asshole but I promise I’m gonna be a better parent, I don’t know how yet but I’m gonna at least be better than him.”

She kisses Pete’s stomach one more time before leaning up to kiss Pete again.

“I love both of you.” Steph murmurs, kissing him on the cheek. They’d said it before, right before they’d figured out he was pregnant in fact, but she hadn’t really said it since. Her dad had never really been that affectionate with her. She’d learned at an early age that affection was a sign of weakness. Something that had definitely carried over into her relationships.

“Happy birthday babe, love you too.” Pete says when they pull away. They didn’t need to acknowledge what a big deal it was for her to say that to him. But that look in his eyes says I'm proud of you and that was enough for her. “I couldn’t get you a cupcake or anything, but I promise to get you something when we’re out of here. IOU is a better birthday than one at abstinence camp.”

“I’ll hold you to that” Steph smiles. “Come one we should get to the fire circle before anyone sees that we’re missing, don’t want Boy Jerry on our asses.”

The fire circle is actually pretty fun, everyone’s excited to be outside for the first time all week. Jeri brings out some rope friendship bracelets. Annie shows Steph how to do it and she’s actually not half bad at it. She makes a trans one for herself and is getting started on a matching one for Pete when none other than Grace-fucking-Chasity sits next to her. Steph rolls her eyes as she sits down.

“How’s the bracelet coming?” Grace asks, clearly awkwardly trying to make small talk. “I like the colors, they remind me of camp.”

“Sure they do, Grace.” Steph chuckles a little bit at that. “This ones gonna be for Pete but I can make you one afterwards if you want?”

“Oh, that’s ok.” Grace says. “I think that you should have a matching one with Pete, almost like wedding rings.”

That idea makes Steph’s heart light up. She’d never really been able to commit to a person before. She’d always been the one to break things off before they got too serious. She’d never been the first one to say she loved someone. Pete was actually the guy she’d said ‘I love’ you the most (six whole times). And yet… She wouldn't necessarily mind marrying Pete.

In fact, the idea of marrying Pete sounded nice. She always thought that marriage meant having to spend her life tolerating someone else's presence. But the idea of getting to wake up next to Pete, to go to sleep in his arms. Getting to be around him everyday. It sounded amazing. A smile spreads across her face at the thought of it. Besides, they were having a baby together and that was already way more commitment than marriage.

“I guess they are.” She says, warming to the idea of marriage to Pete the more she thinks about it. “I guess at the end of the summer we'll get married.”

“Good.” Grace says picking up a set of friendship bracelet strings. “You should get married before then, I don’t want the Lord Jesus to be born into a broken home.”

See that’s the thing with Grace Chastity, you really never know what the fuck your gonna get with her.

“I don’t think the baby will know that they were born out of wedlock.” Steph says.

“Oh Steph,” Grace gives her a look like ‘ oh poor you’ that fills Steph with irritation, “I always forget that you weren’t raised religious, you see Jesus is God and he’ll see that he’ll be born out of wedlock and then you guys might not get to go to heaven.”

“Sure.” Steph rolls her eyes. She doesn't wanna deal with this right now “But we can’t as well get married at camp, can we?”

That seems to shut Grace up enough that she can finish her friendship bracelet. She doesn’t bother Steph the rest of the night, and after she gets her stuff out of the big house she sleeps like a baby on her uncomfortable camp cabin mattress.

The next morning someone gets her up at the ass crack of dawn. Steph whines as she turns over getting ready to tell who ever it is to fuck off.

“Come on.” Her counselor Mary says. “There’s camp announcements this morning, it’s mandatory attendance, so get dressed.”

Despite her brain screaming that she shouldn’t, she gets dressed anyway and shuffles out the main pavilion. There’s a seat waiting for her up front next to Pete. She takes a seat and spaces out for most of the announcement. Towards the end she tunes back into something interesting. Grace is standing on stage again next to the Jerries. She smiles to herself as she notices that Jerry is standing as far away as possible from Grace.

“I’d like to thank our very own Joseph ” Grace says in a voice that’s just a little to sweet for the sun still rising, “Stephanie Lauter has proudly offered to marry Pete despite the fact that he appears to have gotten pregnant out of wedlock.”

“Steph!” Pete nearly yells. “I mean I’d love to marry you, but I think that’s something we should discuss before you talk to Grace Chastity about it!”

“What?” Steph asks, suddenly wide awake. “When did I agree to that?”

“Last night at the campfire!” Grace says. “Remember how we were talking about you and Pete getting married before the baby comes? Well I thought why not get married at camp during parents weekend! I’ve prepared everything, they're even gonna let you push your bed together for at least one night! And I mean you should be able to petition for a couple more nights in the same cabin since you will be married after all!”

“I’m sorry.” She says lowering her voice so only Pete could hear. “You know how she fucking is, I mean I wouldn’t mind marying you either but she took the idea and ran off with it.”

Steph doesn’t know whether to throttle or thank Grace. She’s stuck between the desire to stay with Pete for the rest of the summer and the humiliation of having to marry Pete whatever that means to Grace in front of basically everyone she’s even known. Not that the actually marrying part would be embarrassing just the fact that it was happening at fucking abstinence camp.

Pete, an angel, smiles and squeezes her hand reassuringly.

Wait… If they were married then she and Pete would be able to share a cabin, unsupervised together. She could spend every night with him and the Jerries wouldn't be able to say anything. After, it wouldn't be premarital, so it's not a sin. Steph looks at Pete, who seems to have put it together seconds before she did. He winks at her and she has to keep herself from laughing.

“So who should we invite?” Grace asks. “I already got Jerries to call Steph’s dad and Pete’s older brother, but is there anyone else we should invite

“Well, you should invite Ruth and Richie.” Pete says trying to hide his smile “I’m sure they’ll wanna see us get married.”

God, Steph loves her boyfriend. No Steph loves her fiance.

A/N:

@daisyybellls: Thank you for reading! Tune in next time for a wedding, and cameo's galore!

* Matthew 16:18

**Revelation 17:4

***Acts 5:29

@girl-with-cat-eyes: I hope you all enjoyed this! Special thank you to pizza for writing this chapter, I really loved how it turned out. As always, thank you for reading and please feel free to tell me what you think in the comments! Shoutout to my lovely co-authors Spoons and Pizza and helping me write this!

This is a sequel to Tear Down My Reason by Calmly Chaotic and What An Ass, What A Bitch, What A Cuck by Calmly Chaotic and mars_of_the_stars

Tag list:

@lady-loveluck

@forever-forgotten-angel

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its-a-rat-trap · 4 months ago

Text

BOB GELDOF: OFFICIAL STATEMENT REGARDING CITIZENS OF BOOMTOWN

From The Pen of Bob Geldof:

My Fellow Citizens…

Time moves on alas and Boomtown needs to re-purpose its infrastructural modalities. That’s right Citizens we need to up-scale, downsize and re-position ourselves vertically but on a horizontally focussed axis to be better prepared online-sly speaking for the coming mega-celebratory 50th Boomtown Birthday.

The Citizens of Boomtown site and forum will shortly be seamlessly absorbed into the NEW BOOMTOWN SUPERSITE!! still giving you all the current extraordinary benefits of Citizenship, geeky discursive debating platforms but not really! Wow!!

Basically there’s no point in having two sites in effect doing the same thing so some maddened managerial time and motion efficiency freak begged Pete (blame him) to allow Mayor Jennifer and Techno buff Joke to “rationalise” our online presence, be slightly more professional (who? Us? The Rats? - you’re joking mate) and frankly get it together webbily-speaking. So…

COB is a great album but being released two days before lockdown, like a lot of things and people it got obstructed by Covid 19. So goodbye promotion, tour and what we had hoped would be a different route of approaching the band and music through a site or device where fans would be the same as the band in a shared experience of being Citizens of the “idea” of what Boomtown might be or could be and which, as a result become self-growing, outside of the band where the band and its members became irrelevant to the ongoing life of the site/idea/citizens. But still the background hum that united it all was the music coming out of that towering imaginary Ratopolis.

So feel free to jump in your leaky inflatable rubber dinghy, don your useless safety vest, pay a scumbag Rat-trafficker and migrate the tricky electric tides away from the doomed but forever beautiful city to the fun-lovin’, hip-swingin’, ga-roovey, ca-razey sunny uplands of brand new/old Ratland! That country where even the Rats roam free and zephyr winds carry wafts of gentle heavenly Ratmusik to all the green corners of its lush pastures. Where parliaments of citizens still carry on arcane esoteric deconstructive debates over the “true” meaning of “Do The Rat” and it’s global implications to the coming US elections particularly with regard to the swing states of Pennsylvania and Wisconsin wherever the fuck that is.

So..thank you for all the fun of COB and hello to Ratsite 2. If you think it’s crap you’ll let us know and remember Pete is the one to blame..

Rat On..

BG xxx

#bob geldof #the boomtown rats #boomtown rats #citizens of boomtown #ratsofficial #bob

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nighthaterfrfr · 1 year ago

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Do you have any more headcanons/thoughts about your Steph and Max as half-siblings AU? :)

BRO IVE BEEN OK

ive been wanting to discuss this for so long but for ppl who want to know (mostly background)

-i think that max and steph share the same dad, he seems like the one to sleep around. however, he settled w steph's mother and a secretly pregnant max's mother ended up w his ass of a dad.

-for a while, maybe 13-14 years, they never knew about their relation to each other. however, max and steph definitely saw the other one in school. max was praised as a football prodigy and steph was infamous for being a slacking and skipping mayor's daughter.

-they look somewhat similar. from the nose, ears, eyes, hell even the hair? there are small differences here and there, but they were definitely called siblings by their classmates

-they were also quite good friends. apparently, once u find out both ur dads are assholes, u bond. max would invite her to all his football games and she somehowb goes. these two were best friends, practically inseparable.

-one day in 7th grade, solomon was complaining to ms tessburger abt his affair. steph was overhearing about how it's odd to see one of kids succeed at something, while the daughter he has is doing nothing of importance.

-like any teenage girl w a completely shitty relationship w her father, steph was enraged, and a bit jealous. finding out she was related to max unlocked a bit of a one-sided hating towards him

-max however, always knew that he had a sister. before his mom divorced, she told him stories abt his birth father, and how when she was with him, she had no idea solomon already had a girlfriend.

-she reached out to steph's mother and had informed her of what happened. however, since she couldn't get out of the marriage jst yet, her mother instead acknowledged and thanked max's mother.

-ofc, max's mom never told him who his sister was. knowing him and his father, she feared that sudden new relation between him and the mayor's daughter may get to his head. so, instead she jst told him that he had a sister in hatchetfield.

-from around mid 7th grade to early 8th grade, max noticed how whenever steph was forced into a group w him, she'd always looked pissed off. annoyed. generally angry.

-in the 8th grade during lunch, max came up to her table, asking "the hell is wrong w me??? we used to be close u fuckin', uh... DINGUS!" this offended the hell out of steph and she umped out of her seat and started to swing punches at max. as any middle school in america does, a bunch of students started recording and posting it.

-steph and max sat in the principal's office, both with a lot of bruises and some bloody hands and noses. as solomon lauter and jagerman's father walked in, both of them stared at each other. eventually, max's father got into a full blown yell w solomon.

-as the two kids watched their fathers yelled at one another, that was when steph turned to max and finally revealed why she was so distant. "apparently, ur my fucking brother or smth."

-max sighed, looking at steph w a disappointed glare. "im sorry for being.. ur brother, i guess?" he replied, the two laughing as he explained his side of the story, and further strained the relationship between steph and solomon

(alr onto actual headcanons)

-they do love joking abt being half-siblings around their friends. despite it being true, theyre all so confused on if either max or steph is lying or not.

-the first person for max who found out that his sister was steph was kyle. he couldn't rlly believe it, but he jst kinda vibed. so max telling him went rlly chill.

-on steph's side however, when pete found out she had max jagerman as a brother, she was immediately bombarded with questions and pleas from pete. she tried offering these ideas to max, but he dismissed them, telling her "i need to remain on top, steph!" secretly, he does go easier on the nerds. by a little bit.

-max and steph spend the most time together outside of home, more at school or wherever. whether its going bowling w max's teammates at some bowling lanes, or hanging out in the lakeside mall jst the two of them.

-neither of them ever had a proper enough relationship w their family, so spending time w each other relived them of that disappointing truth a little bit.

-one time, max got so pissed at steph he threw a football at her from like, 40 yards away in order to get her attention. unfortunately, steph being preoccupied on her phone did not notice the absolute perfect throw coming right into her head.

-safe to say, he apologized and ran to her, trying his best to relieve her of a bruise.

-because of this incident, steph had wanted to begin learning how to play football. max was her teacher, and he sucked at it. like, explaining anything to her was alien to steph. however, over time, she slowly got the hang of it, and was good to a point when max stopped teaching her

-sometimes after a nighthawk game, if u stay jst long enough, u can see steph and max throw a football at each other from pretty far. and if ur lucky, seeing steph trying to tackle max. but most of the time, that mostly leads to the funniest image of steph falling ever.

i have a lot more, but my ask IS open yall lmaoooo

#npmd #starkid #hatchetfield #nerdy prudes must die #steph lauter #stephanie lauter #team starkid #max jagerman #starkid hcs #npmd starkid #hatchetverse #hatchetblr

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helladirections · 6 months ago

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HOW DOES POLITICS WORK??

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING. I HAVE SEVERAL RANTS BELOW THE CUT:

Primaries are not necessarily real

There wasn't an official Dem nominee yet anyway

Line of succession doesn't really matter, but pipeline of talent does

1. Primaries are not necessarily real

Ok so we all know how the process appears. On your state's primary election day (different days for different states, annoyingly) you vote for who you want for president. The person with the most votes wins the state.

But here's what people don't always know...

Each state party has different rules about how delegates are assigned. Some give 100% to the winner of the popular vote, some go proportionally. But regardless, these delegates (who are also voted on as a super down ballot thing that most people don't pay attention to) go to the DNC convention where they do the official ballot. Think of this as the electoral college but just for the Dem Party. Each state has a number of votes, theoretically the popular vote guides how the delegates vote, but legally there is flexibility. PLUS, you might see some history or that Netflix biopic where you hear things like "releasing delegates" or "releasing delegates to...". What that means is a candidate who doesn't have enough delegates to win can "release" their delegates to vote for whoever they personally want, or whoever the candidate directs them to. "Multiple ballots" at a convention means that no one has enough delegates the first time and they have to vote again. And in between those votes the candidates and their teams make deals and discuss and ideally people drop out and release delegates.

So your vote in your state is incredibly important. But also. It might not be.

2. There wasn't an official Dem nominee yet anyway

As I explained above, the nominee is decided officially at the DNC convention. You saw the same type of system at the RNC this week. It wasn't until the last day of the convention that they did the official vote and Trump officially accepted the nomination from his party. Before that, there wasn't technically an official nominee yet. Legally. Procedurally. That's part of why it was so weird that they had a debate so early.

Similarly, the DNC hasn't happened yet, so there's not an official nominee either. Typically people don't run against an incumbent president though so it's mostly for show. Obviously, this year it won't be for show, and some of what I talked about in #1 will be relevant.

3. Line of succession doesn't really matter but pipeline of talent does

You may know that the VP takes over as President if the President dies. Next in line is the Speaker of the House, and then it goes down a long list. But Biden didn't die, he just isn't running for reelection and waited until the last minute to do that.

Biden did endorse Kamala. But that doesn't mean Kamala is definitely automatically the nominee. And there's no guarantee of who the VP candidate would be. It just means that she's the front runner and likely has access to the entire campaign infrastructure (including money) that Biden had.

So who else besides Kamala? It doesn't have to go by current position, which is why the line of succession doesn't really matter. It's the pipeline of talent - meaning who else is relevant doing good work and has name recognition. Some names that have been floated:

Gavin Newsom (CA Governor) Gretchen Whitmer (MI Governor) Pete Buttigieg (Mayor Pete, tranpo secretary, former candidate) And others

And names that people float but will never happen: Michelle Obama Hillary Clinton Nancy Pelosi Chuck Schumer etc.

So who's gonna run for president in November?

TBH probably Kamala because she has the biggest head start and those endorsements are powerful. She'll probably pick the most generic white man as her VP. But other people are likely to try and give it a go as well and it wont be official until the last day of the DNC

THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO VOMIT. I MISS DC AND IT'S NICE TO USE MY POLI SCI DEGREE FOR SOMETHING

#beep #ok now back to writing a strategy plan for a city council campaign lol #happy to answer political questions any time

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allthecastlesonclouds · 3 months ago

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Fantasy high and hatchetfield crossover never gets old! Can we hear your thoughts about it?

of course!!

so. in hatchetfield canon when hannah foster is born, the Lords in Black are pulled close enough to reality to start fucking with things. the same thing happens with Adaine.

the first thing that gets fucked with is Tinky messing around with people's ages. adaine's age does not get fucked with. everyone else's ABSOLUTELY does. thankfully she is the youngest of all of them in this world. for my sanity.

the original timeline ages (let's say adaine's 18): riz, fig, gorgug are all 18, kristen is 19, fabian and ayda are 20 (fabian was held back in school, ayda did not attend public education. on account of the witchery)

it's. unclear what's the first timeline at this point. everything happens at once. everything follows each other. adaine's head hurts constantly

they can only escape in universes/timelines that have a strong similarity to the original one! this is why they manage to escape in the lovely "fig kills an entire theatre of people" timeline (o7) and not when, say, adaine and riz are ten and the rest of them are full adults.

in more than a couple universes, the luckstones crash on a drive to visit family in clivesdale and penny is adopted by mayor goldenhoard

(she misses having a sibling. she and riz haven't talked since the accident.)

(^ at least one of these universes is nerdy prudes must die) (penny's steph, riz's pete, klck's grace, mary ann's richie, zelda's ruth, ragh's max) (adaine's reese; lucy's pj) (to get the LiB to take out max, kip kills lucy)

some of TBK have very Shifting parts in the story– a fig who is suddenly in her thirties and doesn't have any memory of success or friends won't jump back into trying to make music. she's gonna go get a job at the coffee shop downtown. they're all in tinky's toybox and he likes to see how they all respond to different traumas :D

aelwyn got out in about half the universes. in about half of that half she managed to be able to take adaine with her. in a couple universes she went to jail with arianwen. in more than a couple they're still both living with her

bill seacaster's roman murray :) fabian has no underlying mental issues :)

kristen takes uncle wiley's place in most universes. tracker's john mcnamara :D they're divorced :D

(jawbone's hidgens. his mental state varies depending on the timeline)

tracker does not feel great about shooting her ex girlfriend who she definitely doesn't still have feelings for. definitely.

riz, so far, has never been The Villain. he does die in Most Universes, though, as his younger self or his older self or both! :D

riz is all the spankoffskis and also tim

sandra lynn/sklonda is canon in at least five universes :)

i'm so so normal about all of them. thank you so much for the ask!! i. i love talking about the guys :)

ask me about my aus on this very normal day!

#questionnn!#hatchetfield au #neutrality <3

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agentravensong · 1 year ago

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two scenes i would add to nerdy prudes must die

the thing about being autistic is that i will have no motivation to sit down and write stuff for my grad school applications all day, but then at night i'll find it in me to spend 3+ hours writing a tumblr post about my latest hyperfixation ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

this time that hyperfixation is nerdy prudes must die, a show that, despite still not being my favorite starkid hatchetfield musical, has really dug its claws into me. i'm gonna detail two scenes that i think would add to certain character arcs, give ritchie (and ruth)'s death(s) more impact, and really drive home the show's themes. don't think i need much more preamble than that, so, here we go!

1. Second Lauter family scene

A scene set between Ritchie's death and Ruth's, fitting best in the plot as is right after "Hatchet Town".

Primary purpose: Show more of Steph's character and her relationship with her father; show that the attitudes that made the teens' high school experience hell (pre-ghost!max) are reinforced by the adults

Basic outline: Steph and her dad are having a convo, prompted by the mayor, about how school is going; a kind of convo that, with how awkward it is, clearly doesn't happen often. Lauter says something half-hearted about how it's a shame her high school experience is being ruined by these events, because it was the happiest time of his life (as a contrast to the opinions our protags express in the opening number).

Steph doesn't want to talk about the murder stuff (duh) so she redirects to how her grades have genuinely improved (or at least did for a minute there) thanks to her studying with Pete, in a way that makes it clear she's genuinely proud of her improvement.

Mayor Lauter, in response, tells her that he doesn't want her hanging out with the nerds anymore, in or out of school, because it makes her a target (and also a suspect).

Steph gets upset at this dismissal; what kind of dad, she scoffs, would tell their daughter who was finally succeeding academically to stop trying? Especially when he was the one who told her to get her grades up?

And Mayor Lauter says something to the effect of, "You don't need to be a star student. I know you, Stephanie; that's never going to be you. All you need to be is good enough. Can you just do that for me?"

We have the mayor leave at this point; let's say he gets a phone call, cause that makes sense, and also is a deeply ironic reason for him to leave a family conversation considering his criticism of Steph's phone use. Steph could even point that out as a joke.

Here is where, if we have time, we give Steph a solo number. Well, it could be a solo, or it could be a duet with her dad — the kind where they're not singing to each other or aware that the other is singing, but they're basically singing their different perspectives on the same thing (in this case, their relationship). I propose the duet version because Corey deserves to get to show off his vocals more prominently in these shows.

Alternate ending if we're not doing the song: Steph can storm out, and the mayor can have an ominous line foreshadowing the drastic measures he'll be taking when we see him again.

The idea with this scene is that I want to give more weight to the whole "she's smarter than she thinks she is" angle to Steph's character. Show that she has found something through her bond with the nerds (Pete mainly) that makes her want to be more than just the "cool girl". And show that there is a part of her that wants a better relationship with her father (because if he won't believe in her, be proud of her, then who will?).

But also, we see how her dad has pigeonholed her into being that kind of airhead. All he cares about is that she stays out of trouble (which is to say, anything that would cause trouble for him). He doesn't care what she's genuinely interested in, what she aspires to; he's spent most of her teenage-hood assuming she's not interested in anything worthwhile, that she doesn't aspire to anything. He doesn't see her as a full person.

And, perhaps most importantly, him telling her not to associate with the nerds draws a direct line between him and our main antagonist, Max. Which matters for reasons that will become clearer as I discuss the second additional scene I came up with.

For the record, if I only got to add one of these scenes (NPMD is the longest of the Hatchetfield shows already, and both these scenes would have to be Act 2 additions), I'd pick this next one. So let's get to it.

2. High School Regression scene

Primary purpose: Showing how the murder(s) has/have affected the student body, and making the point that the hierarchies Max represented can't be disposed of that easily when he's still, literally and metaphorically, haunting the place.

This one would happen in between when the protags find out about Ritchie's death and when Grace informs Pete and Steph of Ruth's death. Practically, this means it would have to be set either:

A) right before Ruth goes to the BBQ Monologues rehearsal, with the scene centering around her, and leading directly into her arrival there (maybe replacing the cop convo entirely? maybe they're at the end of it)

or B) as basically a replacement for the Beanie's scene, but still leading into "If I Loved You" (and everything that comes after)

The beat-by-beat for this one is less solid in my head compared to the first scene, but the idea is that we see some of the cheerleaders and jocks going back to bullying Ruth in version A or Pete in version B (though in a less confident and malicious manner than Max did, as if their hearts aren't fully in it). Ruth or Pete gives some pushback and asks what changed to make them revert to this behavior.

I'm not sure how exactly the bullies express the "why", but in plain-speak, it's this: the students know about Ritchie (and Ruth)'s murder(s), and, maybe more importantly, the "nerdy prudes must die" that was written in Richie's blood. The message they've taken from that is that there is a killer reinforcing the social hierarchies they all abandoned when Max died. And so, with that latent threat hanging in the air, these students have decided to fall in line, in the hopes that they'll therefore be spared. Maybe, even, the murders will stop.

(you could also have one or two kids who are genuinely almost as cruel as max and are using this as an excuse to going back to being the assholes they were before, but you'd need more proper set-up for such a character i think)

Version A is pretty straightforward. I like the idea of Pete and/or Steph being there as well so it isn't just Ruth experiencing the misery (considering where things go from here)... but I know that they need to be dressed as different characters for when Ruth gets to the auditorium, so that probably isn't practical. Maybe there'd be time for Mariah to have made that quick change if Joey really stretched out his bit? But I know the change was tight even for Angela as is.

For version B, you could have the bullies find Steph and Pete at or on their way to Beanie's and be assholes to them there (because it makes sense to me that Steph and Pete would want to have their potentially incriminating conversation off high school grounds), but I think it has more thematic punch to set it in the high school.

Wherever it's set, in version B, Steph and Pete talk a bit about how the bullies' regression sucks, how things are even worse now than they were before Max died, which then leads into their conversation as it is in the actual show over whose fault this all is.

With Pete specifically, I think it'd be neat to call back to what he said to Steph way back in the show about his desire to blend in, to be invisible. That maybe, for a little bit, he liked being accepted, being important (to one person in particular), but it wasn't worth it. And with Steph, if we do have the second dad convo in this version of the show, we can maybe have her comment on how even her dad seems to believe in this bullshit social hierarchy, how they might never escape it.

I mentioned in my post detailing my initial nerdy prudes thoughts that I wished Pete and Steph had a convo that felt like Paul and Emma's convo right before "Join Us and Die". Basically, this is my attempt to give these teens that, without adding an entirely new scene just for that.

As a whole, this scene is my best attempt to Make Something of the themes and plot threads that are so well set up but get kind of lost in the last... third? of the show. Plenty of people have rightly posted that the adults are the real villains of this story. Max isn't scary just because he's one guy; he's representative of larger ideas, a larger system, perpetuated by those adults. Hierarchy, competition, and domination, treated as the natural, necessary state of the world. A system that reduces the personhood of all those ensnared in it.

Those ideas won't just disappear with his death. Max might have peaked in high school even if he lived because of the specific brand of boisterous asshole he was, but the world that instilled those ideas in him, the world beyond high school, will keep fostering and enforcing them, in its more mundane, subtle (comparatively) ways. It will keep producing more Maxs, and more Solomon Lauters.

Like, the whole "fuck clivesdale" bit is a running joke, and a funny one! But, also, I think there's something to be said about the fact that both the teens and adults are all in on this seemingly one-way rivalry, and how much focus is placed on it, in a show about *bullying*. A show about people who have arbitrary labels slapped on them as an excuse to be cruel to them.

"you're fucking losers, and we'll kill you!" isn't that far off as a sentiment from "nerdy prudes must die", is it?

and, like. their team name is the clivesdale chemists. chemists, like, nerds. it's supposed to be part of the joke, i'm pretty sure, that they're named after something nerdy, not a cool animal. if that parallel isn't intentional, then, i dunno man. it's still there either way.

(see also: the musical motif underneath the "who will pray for me" section of nerdy prudes must die also appearing as the chorus of "hatchet town". a motif that plays both when max asks ritchie who will remember him (who will remember *them*), right before enacting his ultimate "justice", and when the adults twist their memories into an excuse for a witch hunt, their own paranoid search for "justice".)

In real life, getting rid of the one asshole at the top of a rotten system doesn't fix the system. If the non-nerdy teens in this school were impressionable enough that one asshole could make them all act in line with his arbitrary beliefs, then his haunting presence (even if they don't know it's literally his ghost) should absolutely have *some* effect on them too.

And I think if you included a scene like this, it would make all that stuff in the script that's subtext, or half-developed, feel like it really was intentional, purposeful.

Does that all make sense? I hope so.

I know that actually trying to fit both of these into the show would require cutting some other stuff down for time, and it would complicate scene transitions and maybe fuck with the overall pacing. Really, this is more a thought experiment than anything else. I'm just glad to have it out of my head after it's been brewing there for multiple days, There's other stuff I'd change if I were to do a full edit of the script, sure, but these are the big things that really would've made the show click for me on the level tgwdlm does.

#starkid #hatchetfield #nerdy prudes must die #nerdy prudes spoilers #npmd spoilers #now to get some sleep and come back to this in a day or two

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0heartangel0 · 2 months ago

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PERSONA 5 TACTICA IS NOT GREAT: A VERY ODDLY-CONSTRUCTED RANT

Pt. 6: Villains Bad

When it comes to antagonists in Persona, they tend to be a hit-or-miss, and this is especially true in Persona 5. The main criticism people would levy at this game is how a vast majority of the antagonists are way too overtly evil, to the point where you just can't take them seriously.

Kamoshida is a good example of this. Right off the bat, he's very egotistical, abuses his volleyball team (of minors), is lustful towards the girls of the team (STILL MINORS), asks for sexual favors from Ann (MINOR) in exchange for her best friend to stay on the volleyball team, is heavily implied to have sexually assaulted said best friend (do I need to say it again?), leading to her attempting suicide, forces one of his students to leak Joker's criminal record to the whole school before even showing up (forget why he does this; I guess he did it just to be an a-hole), breaks up the track team after literally breaking Ryuji's leg in a self-proclaimed act of "self-defense", only because he saw the track team and its coach as competition, and planned to expel Joker, Ryuji, and Mishima after they confronted him about this behavior (he even does an evil laugh after stating this!).

The game makes it VERY clear that we're not supposed to like Kamoshida. In fact, he's not supposed to be redeemable at all, and his Palace and Shadow make this all the more clear. However, the game can only go so far, before realizing that the writers basically made Satan incarnate to almost an over-the-top degree, and you just can't take it seriously anymore.

For Pete sake, his Shadow looks like THIS:

While the rest of the antagonists are arguably not as dastardly as Kamoshida (Shido might be an exception), they still come across as over-the-top in some regard, and I think it mainly has to do with how they're presented in their Shadow forms.

Because we're basically seeing the alternate, more unfiltered sides of these people, the game allows us to see them air out their more egregious and sickening personalities. We see this with Madarame, who appears to be a gentle, yet private old man, but his Shadow is shown to be a lot more vain and pompous, claiming everything he makes is pure work of art. DUDE WEARS A TOP KNOT!

But, they're all still basically evil, unredeemable people all the same.

Strikers then decides to change this up a bit by making the antagonists more sympathetic. Yes, they're doing terrible things for their own gain, but they are shown to originally be decent people that were either taken advantage of or screwed over, turning them into corrupt people in order to get back at those that wronged them (it's explained that part of why mainly the Monarchs turn out this way is through the influence of EMMA and her brainwashing them and trapping them in their trauma). Yes, the Monarch's Shadows are still over-the-top, but we at least get to see a glimpse of their humanity and that they're all just misguided at the end of the day.

For instance, Hyodo was brainwashing people to vote for her to be mayor, but it was so she could help her city be the best it can while taking down the true corrupt politicians in power. This is all thanks to an event where she signed off on construction workers who intentionally made a cheaper, thus faultier, snow sculpture that collapsed and killed an innocent girl, and the people responsible threatened to take her down with them if she reported them.

You know what she's doing is wrong, but you understand why she's doing this. All of the Monarchs are like or are similar to this.

Even the antagonists that aren't Monarchs are still presented as nothing more than flawed individuals that just need a right direction on the road. Both Kaburagi and Zenkichi, for instance, are people that want to make changes in the force and justice system, but in order to do that, they must do the very things that they want to change to begin with. As a result, they become no better than the people endorsing and benefitting from this corrupt system and become corrupt themselves.

Because the antagonists are painted in this light, they're all allowed to be redeemed in some way while still having to make up for and learn from their heinous mistakes. This is especially true in Zenkichi’s case, who awakens to his Persona and becomes a member of the Phantom Thieves later upon realizing this (I'd love to go over his awakening, but we'd be here all day).

The ONLY antagonist in this game that is downright evil and irredeemable is Owada, but he doesn't have as much of a presence as the rest of the antagonists, and, in one character's case, is more of a goal/motivation than anything.

Aside from that exception, all of this is to fit with Striker's theme of redemption, and that some individuals are just lost, misguided people that just need a step in the right direction. And for the most part, it works and does its job.

Now, with all of these examples in mind, how does Tactica write their antagonists?

......not great.

They lean in the direction of the original Persona 5 antagonists, who are just made to be awful people that we're not supposed to sympathize with. As a result, they end up falling under the same trap as those antagonists by coming across as way too over-the-top, making it less easy to take seriously as a threat.

But, what made og P5 antagonists kind of work is that they at least posed a threat and did downright disgusting things that gave us motivation to take them down.

Say all you want about Kamoshida, but the fact that he is as screwed up as he is made us the players more gung-ho to kick his shins in by the time we got to his boss fight. Shiho's suicide attempt was supposed to be the catalyst to the thieves finally realizing the consequences of leaving someone like Kamoshida roam free. It shows just how dangerous of a person he is, and why we shouldn't be so lenient towards people like him.

Neither of the Tyrant's in this game gives us this incentive to take care of them nor the threat of what happens if we don't. Both Marie and Yoshiki imprison and put harm to the hat people, but as I've explained in the previous part, they're not real! We don't have a reason to care. The closest we get is Marie brainwashing the thieves at the beginning, but that's about it, and it's taken care of fairly quickly because we GOTTA have all of our party members before this Kingdom ends (probably another reason why the length of it is so inflated compared to the rest).

But that "not real" thing brings up another issue with the Tyrants: they're also not real. Instead of them being the Shadows of the real world counterparts, they're instead an exaggerated interpretation of what they are through the eyes of Toshiro.

This might sound a bit speculatory, but the fact we're given Toshiro's perspective of these people instead of the real deals, it creates this biased viewpoint where we're supposed to trust Toshiro's word for it. While we do see them at the end of the game, a vast majority of the time is us having to take all of these overexaggerated versions of these people seriously. Also, the thieves' trust in him always tends to flip-flop over the course of the game. These are the same people who immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was untrustworthy despite finding him locked up in a dungeon and visually terrified. They don't even believe his amnesia story! But, when he starts to conveniently remember details, they just believe him.

Even if we were to take it all at face-value, the only person that these Tyrants ever really effect is Toshiro, and while I get that that's the point, their threat is diminished and becomes a bit small-scale.

Okay, I'm gonna go over each Tyrant/antagonist one-by-one, and just go off. Let's go!

MARIE ANTO

Marie is our first Tyrant, and she follows the trend that every first antagonist in P5 follows: a lustful abuser who's main colors are PINK. So, right off the bat, she's very unoriginal. Sure, she tries to switch it up a bit by following this wedding theme, but that's just all she is, really; some bridezilla wanting everything to be perfect, all while abusing her groom-to-be for her benefit. You could also interpret it as being a representation of her power, since her marrying Toshiro in her eyes means becoming the wife of a prime minister.

Aside from that, she's kind of an uninteresting character. Her only real character traits is being manipulative, bratty, and short-tempered when she doesn't get her way. In a word, she's a child.

Taking all of the Kingdom crap out of the equation, all she really does is be abusive and manipulative towards Toshiro. She only effects Toshiro (this is gonna be a theme).

But okay, I agree that that's bad (there's a reason why no one likes Haru's fiance), but even her manipulation and abuse is very, VERY unsubtle. In a flashback we're shown, she says OUT LOUD that Toshiro is her "puppet." What kind of abuser calls their victims "puppets"? Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of their manipulation tactics? Having them be reliant on them and only them to further use them? Just spelling out how they see you defeats the whole point of that. Also, as I've stated, it's way too obvious and is only there to tell us the audience what is happening (despite this being a rated-T game).

It doesn't stop there because later, we get a scene where Toshiro and the Thieves come across a hallway covered with pictures of Marie and Toshiro, with Toshiro being faceless. This is supposed to represent how little Marie thinks of Toshiro, only seeing him as nothing more than a prop for her rise, so she doesn't even remember what he looks like (this is also spelled out to us, because the game thinks I'm 5).

But, wait a minute-

....okay, then.

But THEN! We get to ANOTHER hallway, where we come across a giant teddy bear that's supposed to be Toshiro (and dear lord, this bear is gonna haunt my nightmares).

The bear basically repeats the same mantra of him only being Marie's puppet, and he only lives to serve her, and without her, he's useless.

After so much of this, it doesn't take long before I scream to the heavens,

How many times must the game repeat the same exact crap, before it thinks it got its point across?? Why does the game think I'm stupid??? You only need ONE instance of telling us, or, GOD FORBID, showing us how Marie sees Toshiro (or, how Toshiro thinks Marie sees him).

IT'S NOT THAT FLIPPIN' COMPLICATED!

THIS ISN'T AN EPISODE OF DORA!! BUT EVEN DORA LETS YOU GET THE THING IT'S TRYING TO GET ACROSS BEFORE SPELLING IT OUT TO YOU! GOD!!

....sorry, didn't mean to do that. Anyway...

Her boss fight is....fine, but also kind of dumb. She slowly approaches you while tossing around bombed bouquets, and you must hit them back at her. Sometimes, she'll throw a giant ring at one of your party members, and they'll be her target. This becomes useful in the second phase, where she hops in her car and starts driving around on the highlighted trail, and she'll follow that targeted person's exact movement, allowing you to set up her running over her bouquet bombs. In the final phase, you then have to get her in position at a FRAME-PERFECT spot so Toshiro can drop a bell on her De La Cruz-style, ending the fight.

Apart from the last two phases being absolutely frustrating, I feel like they could've done more with it. Like.....why a CAR? What does that say about Marie and what does it have to do with weddings, aside from having the 'Just Married' banner? The whole style of the car itself + the whole gimmick of the fight is giving 'Bowser From Super Mario 3D World' vibes. You know the one:

Also, with the constant talk about how Toshiro is her puppet, why not make that literal? Like, actually incorporate the themes and symbolism you set up into the gameplay! Use that creepy bear by having him fight alongside Marie! Hell, give him strings to further push the whole 'puppet' thing! Don't just leave that crap exclusive to dialogue and cutscenes!

They already seemed to have an idea going with that by having Toshiro be the one to finish the fight by dropping a bell on her, but that's it! It just feels like wasted potential....

I honestly have nothing more to say about Marie, unfortunately. I mean, she can brainwash people, which fits her manipulation thing....I guess. I....like her design? It's a mix of a military uniform and a wedding dress. Also, pink.

OH! I noticed right off the bat that her name is so close to being Marie Antoinette, the famous French queen that was beheaded during the French Revolution! The Kingdom itself also appears to be very French-inspired. Also, something-something, "Let them eat cake", she has a giant cake in the middle of the Kingdom at one point with hat people shoved in it.

But yeah, that's about it....

....wait, what do you mean the gang originally thought she was marrying Yusuke? HE'S 17-

YOSHIKI KASUKABE

Yoshiki is our second Tyrant who rules an olden-day Japanese kingdom. He has this appearance of a giant green Buddha figure who presence himself as loving and caring towards his people. In reality, though, he's very controlling, always has his kingdom on surveillance, and has the hat men go to these camps that are really just forced labor.

In the real world, he's actually Toshiro's father, a politician who has abused and groomed Toshiro into becoming a politician like him. It's stated that he even did some corrupt stuff behind the scenes, mainly to rig the elections to Toshiro's favor so he could be Prime Minister. Toshiro collected evidence to expose his father for this but never worked up the courage to do so.

He appears as a Buddha in Toshiro's cognition, because, according to Toshiro, he's referred to in the political world as 'Buddah Kasukabe' for his "serene temperament".

In actuality, he's rather quick to anger (mainly at Toshiro), as is shown through his head splitting apart to reveal a red-headed (not just in hair) angry Yoshiki when unpleased. Now, I got this symbolism fairly quickly, and thought it was pretty neat both concept and design-wise.....if only the game trusted my intellect to not have to say this crap aloud. But alas, THEY DON'T.

YOU DON'T SAY, YUSUKE! I NEVER WOULD'VE GUESSED!!

This is also where Toshiro realizes that the Kingdoms were all conjured from his cognition. And the thing that makes him discover this is SO DUMB-

As Futaba is trying to break into a control room to expose Yoshiki and failing to do so, her saying the "exposing Yoshiki" part causes Toshiro to remember stuff about his dad, and shoves Futaba over to input a password in, and it WORKS!

You might think that it's because he knows his dad, so would have an idea of what passwords he would usually use for his devices, but in REALITY.......just- just explain it for me, Toshiro....

I-

I just-

why-

......whatever......if I think too hard about this, I'm gonna fry my brain.....

Anyway, Yoshiki is also linked to another character who appears in this Kingdom; a woman named Yuki. It's stated that he knows her and is elaborated that she used to live in the palace with him before leaving and helping the people, and later, the Thieves + Erina and Toshiro.

If it wasn't painfully obvious, it's later revealed that Yuki is really Toshiro's mother who passed away when he was fairly young due to an illness that made her bedridden.

Little Toshiro snuck his mom out of the hospital one day so they could go to the park without his father knowing. She collapsed as they were walking back and she passed away a few days later. Yoshiki would go on to blame Toshiro for what happened (I mean, I would blame the hospital for even allowing this to happen in the first place, but whatever). The fact that her death is used to further push how terrible Yoshiki is to Toshiro also feels unnecessary, because....we kind of already got that. We don't need any other examples. Just the fact he abuses and pushes Toshiro into being a politician as a young child should get that across well enough.

It's Marie ALL over again!

And yeah, that sucks, but aside from that, Yuki is SO. BORING. AND FORGETTABLE. It sometimes slips my mind that she even dies at the end of this Kingdom, and apart from Futaba mentioning her a little later, she's never really brought up again. She feels more like a plot device that's supposed to make you feel bad for Toshiro (but I'm getting WAYYY ahead of myself on that train of thought) than an actual character.

I could replace her with my cat ALSO conveniently named Yuki, and she'd be a more interesting character by comparison!

Just look at this idiot! She has zero braincells up there! All there is is FLOOF! And I wouldn't have a doubt in my mind that she'd be a fan favorite if she were in the game!

Also, prior to the reveal, there's a scene where Toshiro talks to her about her safety, and the thieves percieve it as being all lovey-dovey, and they ship the two together, which is just-

UGH.

....OH YEAH, YOSHIKI!

Honestly, out of all of the antagonists, Yoshiki is the most entertaining one of the lot. His whole "love" schtick lends to some funny dialogue on his part, and there's this whole thing where he broadcasts himself reading off poetry to his viewers, and there's a cute little talk segment about it, and it's great. I already mentioned a request mission that ends with Ryuji getting a bunch of merch of Yoshiki, and that's pretty funny (especially regarding the implications that Yoshiki sells merch of himself).

I also like his boss fight. You're basically trying to approach him while avoiding his attacks, enemies, and cameras that will put you in cross hairs. There's also manipulating platforms as a sort of puzzle to progress further to him. Repeat this 3 times, and victory is yours. Much like Marie, though, I wish there was more symbolism incorporated into it. I do like the camera thing, representing how he always has his eyes on Toshiro no matter what (I think), but there could've been more. Fun fight, though, unlike Marie's.

Overall, Yoshiki is a fun character, but one that could've had more. Once again, he only ever really affects Toshiro, and no one else. Again.

ICHIRO NAKABACHI

Nakabachi, while being a fake Tyrant, did more crap than Marie and Yoshiki combined. He blackmailed and extorted his way to the top, and even manipulated students to do his bidding, lest he leaks personal info about them. After Toshiro and Eri lead an uprising against him, many students went on to abuse and make up lies about him, to the point where Nakabachi just went insane, leading to him shoving Eri in front of an oncoming train, handicapping her. He's no Kamoshida, but he's still somewhat of a threat in real life!

Sadly, because he's a fake Tyrant, there's really not much else to him. He's more of a plot device than a character, but unlike Yuki, it actually serves the plot in some way and leads to something tangible. He serves his purpose, and he serves it pretty well...

...despite the fact I already knew he wasn't the Tyrant of this Kingdom, because it couldn't have been more obvious that the Tyrant was Toshiro! Speaking of-

SHADOW TOSHI-

You know what? We'll save him for a later part. Put a pin on him.

SAMAEL

GOOD. LORD (no pun intended). Where do I begin with this guy?

He's the true antagonist and final boss of the game, being the reason Toshiro and everyone else are here in Toshiro's cognition.

He's Yaldabaoth. He's EMMA/Demiurge. Your surprise God of the week who's only here, because something-something, humanity is complacent, or something....But here's what those two have over Samael: they're actually present throughout the course of their stories!

Yaldabaoth was disguised as Igor the whole time and the reason why Lavenza was split in two. He did this all for the sake of "rigging the game" to his favor to prove that humanity needed control over freedom. He was manipulating you this whole time to achieve this goal.

EMMA was established right from the get-go as something used to brainwash and manipulate people. As the game progresses, she starts to grow more of a sentience, to the point where by the end when she's shut off, she turns herself back on, brainwashing everyone who has EMMA on their phones, and essentially becomes a God. That's right; Siri becomes a God, and is the final boss in a JRPG. And people wonder why I love Strikers...

Samael, on the other hand, does none of that. He's never established or even alluded to, until the last few hours of the game, where the characters are literally asking who's behind everything, and he just pops in, goes, "I'm the final boss", and screws off to the world's worst final dungeon in a video game.

Then Lavenza pops up in a train to take everyone to said final dungeon, and on the way there, proceeds to spout 10 MINUTES of exposition on who Samael is and why he's here. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU ESTABLISH YOUR MAIN VILLAIN! The entire train scene was just me going,

Okay, so from the notes I've taken, basically:

Samael is the God of Stagnation, wanting to rid people of their pain and worry by putting fear into them, protecting themselves from potentially getting hurt. He's been doing this for thousands of years. Then, one fateful day, during Shido's calling card, one Toshiro Kasukabe felt a sense of rebellion watching it all unfold. Samael tried to quash this, but couldn't get past his defenses created by Erina, his manifestation of his rebellion inspired by Eri (oh, yeah, we'll get to that). To combat this, Samael created the Kingdoms, using all of Toshiro's bad memories to scare him, whittling down his mind, until he eventually relents.

okay. Okay. OKAY!

Why is this the only instance throughout thousands upon THOUSANDS of years of this happening? How is Toshiro the only person in recorded history to combat Samael's power? Is he just THAT good?

Toshiro's rebellion sparked while he was watching the Shido calling card. Given the nature of said calling card + the thieves gaining massive following at the time + Joker having formed Confidants where he inspired rebellion in them, how was there not ANYONE ELSE during that event that felt that same spark? The same sense of rebellion? Surely, Samael would've tried to also put that out in others. What made Toshiro's so special?

Why hasn't he targeted the thieves or any other Persona user in the series?

Okay, that makes a *bit* of sense, but even when you apply that logic, it turns back to being dumb!

Samael went through ALL of this trouble just to control this one guy, when in reality, he didn't need to do ANYTHING! It's already mentioned that despite Toshiro gathering the evidence to convict his dad, he never got himself to commit due to his fear. He was still engaged to Marie, seeming like he wasn't gonna bail anytime soon. It doesn't seem like he was ever gonna get back into contact with Eri. At the start of the game, his first course of action was to always get the Hell out of dodge!

Samael doing all of this did the exact OPPOSITE, and motivated him, instead. It's not helped by him dragging the Thieves and the whole bloody VELVET ROOM along with Toshiro into the Kingdoms. I'm STILL wrapping my head around why he did this, especially with the Velvet Room. Dragging the Velvet Room only gave the Thieves and Toshiro more firepower to eventually take him down! He was digging his own grave at this point!

ALL he had to do, was NOTHING! HE WOULD'VE WON, THEN! THIS GOD WAS REALLY INTIMIDATED BY THIS GUY?

THIS GUY??

THIS GUY????

And yeah, his boss fight was surprisingly easy for being the final boss, and the cutscene showing his defeat was rather stupid (but I'll save that for when I discuss the ending).

Despite the fact I was never really big on the 'God Of The Week' final bosses Persona always has, Samael is that trope at its absolute worst and then some. Screw this guy!

Okay....sorry that took a bit to cover, but I had to.

Just about all of the villains were a miss for me. They felt very one-note, only seeming to have one goal in mind: making Toshiro suffer. And before you say that that's the point, let me remind you that even bloody GOD wanted to make Toshiro suffer. Even the real-life counterparts of the Tyrants are actually like that, making them less interesting. So much wasted potential with these characters and concepts that are just left underdeveloped, and for why?

So, in conclusion:

Pt. 1, Pt. 2, Pt. 3, Pt. 4, Pt. 4.5, Pt. 5, Pt. 7, Pt. 8

#persona 5 #persona 5 tactica #Persona 5 tactica is not great #long post #long rant #The designs are creative.......#That's all I got for positives here.....#I wanted to talk more about them but I knew I was taking too long

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tinyvesselhearts · 2 years ago

Text

(Egon x You) Thing Is: Chapter 12

“Oh, shit. It’s the Mayor.”

Your eyes snap open.

You sit up in an instant, hypervigilant, surrounded by dust particles lit by soft sunlight. It takes a minute before you realize that everything’s actually okay. The sheets are a crumpled ball of warmth, the sun seeps in through the window. It’s the station again, the sightly ashy ceiling and the familiar siren wailing from downstairs. All you remember from yesterday are scraps: an emotion, a fear, an ache. And yet, here you are— safe, dressed in your own pajamas, all alone in Egon’s bed. No reason to panic. No reason at all.

Your heart’s still racing. Breaths are heavy. Something’s changed, something’s off. You can’t put your finger on it and that’s enough to take your peace away.

You lay back down. Bury your face in the pillow. It’s fine, it’s alright. Maybe you’re experiencing some ghostly haziness— it’s not like you’re taken over by an ethereal alien every day, after all. A quick nap should iron it out. Just a few more minutes and you’ll be as good as new. They boys will understand. Just this once…

You’re just about to drift away when familiar blurry silhouette approaches your cot.

“Thank God you’re awake”, Ray whispers, leaning over your bed. “The Mayor’s here. Pete’s trying to talk him out of a lawsuit. Stay here, alright?”

You prop on your elbows and turn your head around, then squint— because, heck, if he’s trying to wake you up, why is Ray whispering? It’s late morning— must be around nine, nine- thirty or so…

Wait, what?

“The Mayor?”

“Yeah, yeah”, says Ray. “Don’t worry, He comes and goes. Peter’s got a way with politicians.”

A heated conversation rumbles through the walls. Pete’s voice sounds as confident and cheerful as ever but the Mayor— presumably— doesn’t seem pleased at all. New Yorks’ representatives stop by from time to time so it’s not unusual but dread creeps up your back the moment you realize…

“…Oh, shite. Is it about the mansion?”

“Yeah, we’re kind of screwed. Too bad we didn’t get a chance to get a second look but hey, you weren’t officially there so we’ve got you covered.”

You frown, blink a few times, then sit up.

Shouldn’t he be more bothered by this? Right, the boys get in trouble with the law on a regular basis. Ray’s probably used to it by now, that he’s entire demeanor is relaxed, casual— if only slightly annoyed (ah, yes, authorities, how convenient). They always wiggle their way out somehow. That’s what they do. But if their luck runs out one day, the charges will snowball into life behind bars— and the mere thought makes you flinch.

“But I was there”, you look at him. “Saw what happened. You were doing your job! Can’t I testify?”

“No. Zip, zip, I mean it. We were all seen at the hospital that night, you didn’t even go to the emergency room. And that’s good! It’s great! That means you’re in charge of the case if we get incarcerated.”

Your face falls.

“You must be joking.”

“Hah! I wish I was.” Ray laughs, hands on his hips, then immediately turns sheepish. “Hey! Not that I don’t believe in you, no offense—”

“No, no, none taken!” You wave your palms. “I agree. Let’s hope Peter saves the day.”

A bang of some distant door is followed by Peter’s loud voice. You look at Ray with wide eyes but he shrugs.

“Meh, he’s doing alright. The Mayor failed to maintain the mansion for decades. It’s somewhat on him, too.”

Ah, that’s why Ray seems so casual about this. That’s understandable— the guys are recurringly raided by a variety of government officials so today must feel like a regular workout. For you, however, it’s a lot. You have no idea how long you’ve slept but it feels like a giant leap in time. It’s refreshing, yes— the lightness in your heart, as if yesterday’s events happened a lifetime ago— but a shadow is hanging over your head. A foot in the door to newfound peace.

“Nah. I gotta dress up”, you say. “I’m hungry. I need to do… something. Anything. Everything.”

“That’s the spirit.”

Ray pats your arm with a wide, warm hand, flashes a genuine smile and leaves the room. There’s some yelling coming from downstairs, some door slamming, screeching of wheels, and then— expectedly— Peter adds his two cents because there is no possible way he’d give up having the last word.

It takes you two minutes to get out of bed. Six to freshen up. Three to determine whether you should or should not change into Egon’s clothes (because it’s been okay so far, it’s a thing) but ultimately, you decide that no— not this time, you should really get out of his hair. Your crumpled sleeping two- piece has to do. It’s decent. Ray didn’t comment on your sleeping circumstance, maybe Peter won’t either.

The very instant you leave the room, you see him— Egon— he’s alright, he’s okay— who climbs the stairs and freezes the moment your eyes lock.

His face is blank. He’s quiet. All the courage you’ve mustered evaporates in a snap.

When he finally speaks, it’s as casual as ever.

“You’re awake.”

“You’re alive.”

“As I said, it’s difficult to die”, he states. “Extraordinarily so.”

“Yeah, sure, but nothing about yesterday was ordinary. It’s—"

“…in the past.” He approaches you, lifts your chin and smirks. “We’re moving on.”

You keep looking at him as he inspects your features. The touch is gentle. Systematic. Careful and you know it all too well: it’s exclusive to his tinkering, the machines and inventions, only present when he’s left to his own devices. Toprecious things. That’s new. Whatever happened while he was busting the ghost out of you must’ve shaken him up.

“Mhm. As I suspected. Beautiful.” He straightens. “You may experience headaches, fatigue, dizziness and muscle pains but otherwise you’re perfectly fine. I recommend aspirin with your breakfast.”

“…I’ll take some. Thanks.”

“Do you have a moment? I would like to show you something in the lab.”

You nod, absent- minded, rubbing at your chin where his fingers lingered a moment ago. That’s unusual. Egon’s never been so direct with physical contact… has he?

Whatever your mind is trying to push through, in reality it’s probably nothing. You must be experiencing some spiritual jetlag: slow thinking and clouded judgement, all spiced up with a throng of unanswered questions and guilty conscience. Egon’s right though. You’re all moving on and it’s high time you caught up.

You walk past the garage, where Ray and Winston are leaving in Ecto- 1. Peter’s guiding them out, gesturing to let go of the siren for once— the Mayor’s people must still be in the area. Janine’s on the phone, rummaging through the drawers with such urgency she doesn’t pay attention to you walking by. That’s what it looks like: another day at the Ghostbusters’. There’s nothing out of the ordinary, to the extent you’re forced to question whether the spiritual influence you experienced the day prior wasn’t a dream.

“Ray wasn’t surprised to see me”, you say at the last flight of stairs. “Do the boys know?”

“All things pertaining to the case, yes.” Egon admits, eyes down. “I apologize for taking such liberty. It’s a major turning point and I couldn’t withhold this information. It’s the sixth time we’re getting called about amphibious ghostlike creatures roaming through New York. It’s a plague.”

“Mm. The Mayor was unwelcome, I take it.”

He throws you a brief look, then proceeds. “Do you feel any different?”

You ponder, tailing Egon descending the familiar stairs. The door to the lab is ajar, which never happens: an undeniable proof of how thrilled he is with the discovery.

“Yes. It’s quiet in my mind, for once. No whispers at the back of my head, no need to burst out crying for no reason. It’s something.”

“Feelings of uneasiness? Anxiety? Existential dread?”

“No. I’m just grateful to be alive.”

“I share the sentiment. In a day or two, we might purge the mansion for good. What we have at our disposal now is powerful. Needless to say, I’m thrilled beyond what my hormones usually allow”, he pauses at the door. “After you.”

You enter the laboratory. The cool light enveloping tools and papers is refreshing, clean air clashing against the heat and steam clouding in the garage. On Egon’s desk, far away from the microscope, there’s a huge, ugly helmet you recognize— the wires tangled in a knot only Egon himself can understand, odd antennas protruding from its top. You walk up, reach and touch the glowing tips.

A pillar of warmth stands right behind you. Egon’s breath tickles the hair on your neck. Dust particles hang still in the air between your bodies, so close you almost touch— like when he helps you gear up— when you use his microscope— like so many times before. You can’t see him at all now. Your eyes are focused on the weird, pointy device but when Egon’s forearm brushes yours, your stare shifts just enough to observe his hand rest on the contraption.

This dance between you two has been going on for a long time. It’s not like this, it never is, but you struggle to keep your breathing even.

“Remember the Collective?” He murmurs. “Turns out their consciousness, being shared through the ether, is prone to alterations. Removal. Addition. Substitution, in an almost surgical manner. I made this device for that specific purpose. Peter called it a yap- cap but it’s more nuanced than that. Take a look.”

He switches on the translating pad. Some symbols appear on the screen before a thin, vertical line pulses on the far right. To your surprise, he uses the buttons to type: I want to go home now and all it takes is one press of a single green key to translate the phrase into Eldritch symbols. Just like that, an electric wave pulses through the antennas, the helmet charges with power and glows with blue light. It’s that simple.

“The message is transmitted through the ether to the helmed recipient and travels until it finds an ectoplasmic structure. A ghost can’t distinguish it from the Collective so it builds a narrative around the inserted thought and accept it as a fact.”

Unbelievable.

“You literally made the ghost think it wanted to go home.”

“Correct.”

“And… it just left home.”

“Exactly.”

“Egon… that’s fantastic.”

“I’m wildly aware”, he grins.

You bark out a laugh. The helmet looks like a giant jellyfish. The pad is a literate calculator. All the mystery, the horror, the haunting— all the destruction and pain brought by Eldritch horrors— everything undone by a designer’s worst nightmare: a glowing sea urchin hat. The yap- cap, as Peter calls it. Ah, that one’s going to stick.

Egon is a genius. The simplicity of it disarms you. In this rapidly changing world, the cybernetic reality where every technology requires a cascade of complex developments just to come up with a novelty, Egon thought the simplest way to deter some ancient ghosts was to talk them into defeat. It couldn’t be more straightforward. All data were copied and transferred, every bit of the Eldritch language, the translating software and the device itself was made here, in this lab. He’s done it all with Ray’s help. This man is a genius but chooses the simplest solutions.

The simplest solutions.

“…Can it be used on humans? To… Hack us into thinking differently?”

Egon is silent and you can feel his stern eyes on your back. You realize how that sounds and God it’s awful— but that’s not what you meant so you rush to clarify.

“I mean, is it possible to erase some memories? To change what we’re susceptible to?” You swallow. “To let go of… destructive tendencies?”

“Technically, yes. But the outcome is unforeseeable. Whatever ends up happening, one change could affect your entire life. Mistakes, however unwanted and painful, shape who we are in the end”, Egon’s voice is serious. “Thankfully, you were not affected.”

“What if I wanted to be affected?” You turn around, not daring to meet Egon’s eyes. “You were right when you said I was attracted to the paranormal. And I hate it. My uncle is the closest I have to a dad now and I can’t keep doing this without feeling guilty about it, about betraying him. He’s never going to approve of me getting involved with you, guys. I just… I could fix this. I—"

“Look at me.”

You do.

His eyes are warm. Steady, understanding. Pupils are wide, graced with the dim light surrounding you. Some distant shadow blurs his locks into a dark cloud. Your own reflection lurks in his glasses. The sight takes your breath away.

“You don’t need to be fixed because you’re not broken”, Egon murmurs. “Don’t expect him to approve your every choice. Love doesn’t work this way.”

“But I want it to”, you whisper like an absolute fool and a single tear rolls down your cheek because your wish— so pure, so simple— doesn’t hold merit. It’s pathetic, a lost cause. He’s right and you know it.

Egon raises an eyebrow, eyes warm and playful.

“Do you, really?”

You blink a few times, bow your head down and laugh. It’s quiet and breathy. It’s full of grief— and pain, and sadness, and acceptance, and joy. You wipe the stray tear with the back of your hand. Only then, broken and mended, are you able to lift your gaze and meet Egon’s unwavering stare again.

“No, you’re right. I’ll give you that one.”

He smiles.

“Do you want to raid the mansion with us tomorrow? Ray’s setting up the car, we’ll gear you up.”

“Won’t I become an offender as well? Ray said…”

“We’re the Ghostbusters. We’ll cover up for you.”

“You’ll get in trouble.”

“It’s worth it.”

Words get stuck in your throat. The circumstances are different but intimate enough so before you have the chance to overthink every little gesture, you lean in and press a gentle peck on his jaw. He inhales— good?— frowns— bad?— so you step back with a tight smile.

“Thanks for everything. I mean it. I owe you.”

Long fingers wrap around your hand. Egon’s stare doesn’t waver— not now, not yesterday, not ever— as he lifts your fingertips with a gentle motion and (in a mind- boggling, unprecedented turn of events) presses his lips to your skin— and it lingers— it lingers— it stays.

It’s a kiss.

He pulls away. The air he breathes is warm.

“You owe me nothing.”

_____________

HOPE I DIDN'T MAKE ANY MAJOR MISTAKES- IF I DID, I AM TERRIBLY SORRY!

#ghostbusters #egon spengler #egon spengler x reader #fanfiction #egon spengler x you #ghostbusters fanfiction #harold ramis #egon spengler imagines #self insert #ao3

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