#Texas-themed puns

[punsify1]

Laugh Out Loud With 200+ Hilarious Dallas Puns And Jokes Perfect For Texans And Dallas Fans

Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the laughs! If you’re looking to add some humor to your day with a Lone Star twist, then these Dallas puns are just what you need.

From clever quips about Big D’s famous landmarks to wordplay inspired by Texan culture, this collection of over 200 puns is bound to leave you in stitches.

Whether you’re a local, a visitor, or just a fan of the city, these puns will have you laughing all the way to the Lone Star State. Don’t miss out on our other hilarious puns that will keep you entertained and grinning from ear to ear.

10 Dallas Puns to Light Up Your Day

Why don’t Dallasites ever get lost? They always follow the “steak” signs! 🥩

How do you know when a cowboy is in love? He’s “roped” into it! 🤠

What’s a Dallas resident’s favorite dance move? The “Texas Two-Funny”! 💃

Why did the rodeo clown break up with his girlfriend? She kept “horsing” around! 🐴

How do you fix a broken BBQ? Use “Grill Glue”! 🍖

What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a great joke? A “Touchdown-teller”! 🏈

Why did the Texan start a bakery? To “butter” up his neighbors! 🧈

How do you recognize a Dallas resident at a music festival? They’re always “ranching” out! 🎶

What’s a cowboy’s favorite type of music? “Country Puns-ic”! 🎸

Why did the chili pepper visit Dallas? To add some “spice” to the city! 🌶️

Read: Dallas Puns 200+ Jokes That Will Have You Laughing All the Way to the Lone Star.

[imthepunchlord]

Can we know more about your animula?

Yes!

Their term is Latin for little soul, and it's a nice little pun off animal.

They are more of what I wanted from kwamis. No mentality of children, no mob mentality when together, and no slaves of humanity. Personalities mainly work off animal archetypes as a base.

I've gone through varies ideas on what to do with them, from doing something global to something more Europe centered and working off virtues to doingan original zodiac to matbe tying them to the Arthurian legends. What has remained consistent is keeping colors and elements in mind, as well as concepts of strength, heart, mind, and soul.

I've also gone back and forth on many but 1 power to lesser but multiple powers.

Recent planning of the Bugettes has me thinking I should just work off the theme of colors, as I'll have guidelines but still be able to be flexible and creative with the idea.

I do know for sure is that I want the main focus to be gather them all questline, like Cardcaptor Sakura, Xiaolin Showdown, Jackie Chan Adventures, ect.. And as the leads were trying to gather them up, they were dealing with two warring factions that also sought to have all animula: the Dawnguard and Twilightvigil.

Bee and Peafowl I knew I wanted to be major leads to focus on, so was Cat but not a 100%.

Peafowl I wanted to go to a lead based on Marinette, as I do genuinely like her a lead, and the peafowl!Marinette design I've done with first with animula.

And what was fun is that the Peafowl anumula, who's name I still haven't found, was going to be vain, bold, and theatrical, paired with a human who in contrast is humble, has potential to show off her brilliance but doesn't really aim for it, and rather subtlety to flashiness. Claire and Renae are the two names that float around for her, and maybe she has a twin brother, maybe not.

Bee I thought to go to a Texas cowgirl, and her set up was being a lone ranger who got Bee to learn to work with others.

I've also wanted to do a lead based on Toby from Trollhunters because I really love him and felt he got shafted so hard.

And that covers the over all basics of the animula concept. I don't know if I could do it as a book series or comic, would love to, but it's always been fun to think about and explore.

[coderfortourette]

Table Valentines

I have this idea that the the states do like those Valentine parties like in elementary school. Everybody gets a bag/box/mailbox that they collect valentines in. 

Some states do those store bought kits. With the candy or the temporary tattoos. 

Florida made cards that were photos of different baby gators. And each baby gator was named after the state he gave the card to. 

Texas made mums. He also brags about his mailbox being the biggest

Arizona and Oregon get valentine cards and birthday cards

Mississippi got plushes for each state. Little valentine themed ones

Kentucky is giving everybody a bottle of bourbon. Their own bottle. But- they have to listen to his valentine pun first

Gov has beige politically correct cards that say something like “Today is non-denominational day of platonic/romantic/familial love”

New Mexico gave out scratch n sniff cards

[agentnico]

La Chimera (2024) review

With Challengers and La Chimera, Josh O’Connor has now starred in two films in a row made by Italian filmmakers, and not just Italian, but Luca Guadagnino. I’m aware that La Chimera is directed by Alice Rohrwacher, but the movie just feels like a Luca film through and through, from the camerawork to the narrative themes. My point however is with these two roles does this make Josh O’Connor the new Timothee Chalamet?? He’s already nabbed himself a juicy role as one of the suspects in the upcoming Knives Out threequel, so the kid’s going places. Mark my words, he’s gonna end up in Dune eventually, it’s inevitable.

Plot: Everyone has their own Chimera, something they try to achieve but never manage to find. For the band of tombaroli, thieves of ancient grave goods and archaeological wonders, the Chimera means redemption from work and the dream of easy wealth. For Arthur, the Chimera looks like the woman he lost, Beniamina. To find her, Arthur challenges the invisible, searches everywhere, goes inside the earth -- in search of the door to the afterlife of which myths speak. In an adventurous journey between the living and the dead, between forests and cities, between celebrations and solitudes, the intertwined destinies of these characters unfold, all in search of the Chimera.

I’m fully aware that this has been critically praised left and right, and is a festival darling, however I’m here to disappoint you with an unpopular opinion - I did not love this one. The first hour is so frustratingly long and tedious and meandering that I lost any interest by the time the plot fully kicked in. Look, I appreciate a slow burner if it’s well made and serves a narrative purpose. Whether it’s Harry Dean Stanton wandering aimlessly through the American desert with lost dreams in Paris, Texas (1984) or Donald Sutherland exploring the streets of Venice in a state of grief in Don’t Look Now (1973), those movies are both extremely slow paced and yet manage to be so captivating due to the incredible performances and very articulate and detailed camerawork and direction that’s builds upon multiple emotions. In La Chimera however even though it features all the parts of the slow burner formula made great by the aforementioned films, it for some reason all felt pretentious and drawn out to the extreme.

Hats off to Josh O’Connor who gives it his all and reminded me a little of Donald Sutherland from back in the 70’s, and you can see him really trying to grasp at the limited strings of his character to try and reach for some kind of depth in what otherwise is a hollow role. Yep, I get that he’s supposed to be a metaphor for loss and preservation, but there was hardly anything for him to do here. The movie tries so hard to be this poetic allegory, yet I didn’t feel a think. It’s funny as back when I was an acting/creative writing student in university, I’d imagine I’d dig up this grave of a film (pun intended) and be absolutely showering it in praise as I was a swellhead and self-centred artsy fart who thought entertainment had to be slow and boring. Okay, not to that extreme, but my tastes have definitely changed since then and a film like La Chimera comes off as over-indulgent and obsessed with itself.

Nothing sticks, nothing grabs, La Chimera is dull as a muddy puddle, with uninvolving characters, a boring storyline with a protagonist exclusively moping about for over two hours. At least Rohrwacher hired Hélène Louvart to shoot her new film. La Chimera does at least look great in an understated way. Sometimes films do not connect despite the best intentions of the director and the viewer. Sometimes, it’s a viewer problem. Wrong time of day, wrong seat, wrong part of the theatre, tiredness, the person sitting next to you being annoying, several factors play into the reception of a motion picture, good and bad. Perhaps Rohrwacher’s La Chimera is a work of real merit and distinction, but see something in the wrong circumstances, in the wrong mood, it can harm both film and viewer. Again I appreciate that others are loving this film, but this one wasn’t for me.

Overall score: 4/10

[rabbitcruiser]

National Egg Roll Day

National Egg Roll Day rolls around on June 10 every year. Whether brown, white,  free-range, or organic eggs, this deep-fried finger food can have it  all! Although similar to Mainland Chinese spring rolls, the egg roll has its contents wrapped in a crispy, thick, egg-dipped pastry, making the  cabbage, meat, and other ingredients of the filling extra scrumptious! With its Asian heritage, egg rolls have found their way into every Vietnamese and Chinese-American restaurant, and thus, into every American’s heart.

History of National Egg Roll Day

Established  in 2019, in honor of the founders of Van’s Kitchen, Van and Kim Nguyen, National Egg Roll Day is a relatively new food holiday. Van’s Kitchen began in Dallas, Texas, in 1986, with the Vietnamese-themed restaurant, representing the beginning of the family’s pursuit of the ‘American  dream’. Like many other immigrant families, Van and Kim came from Vietnam with a passion for sharing their culture through food,  especially their authentic egg rolls — consisting of shredded cabbage,  minced meat (usually pork), bamboo shoot, onions, and a variety of other  freshly ground spices all blended into one delectable filling. They strive to maintain the quality of their egg rolls by using only the  freshest ingredients.

Although the origins of the dish are  unknown, it may be traced back to Southern China’s Cantonese cuisine. However, many Asian countries also lay claim to having different  variations of the humble egg roll. According to Andrew Coe, author of  “Chop Suey: A Cultural History of Chinese Food in the United States,”  the modern-day egg roll was most likely invented in New York in the 1930s. As compared to the ancient Southern Chinese traditional rolls, Americans have been consuming egg-roll-like food since the mid-1800s.

The distinctive American-style egg roll recipe was first published in 1938  by chef Henry Low, one of the two contending chefs who vie to take credit for popularizing the dish. Despite its short history, the typical  egg roll we see today has stayed true to its crunchy, soft, savory origins, and just the thought of it has us drooling and reaching for the nearest takeout menu.

National Egg Roll Day timeline

1800s Egg Rolls Arrive in the U.S.

Chinese immigrants to the U.S. begin to make and consume egg rolls.

1930s Egg Rolls Trend in NYC

Chinese diners across New York City begin to popularize the egg roll.

1980s Van’s Kitchen Opens Up

Vietnamese egg rolls gain the spotlight through Van’s Kitchen.

2019 National Egg Roll Day is Born

Thanks to Van’s Kitchen, the egg roll gets a national day of its own.

How to Celebrate National Egg Roll Day

Go on a food walk

Enroll in a cooking class

Watch a documentary

Grab  a few foodie pals and go on a food walk, hitting the different Asian restaurants that serve their own version of the egg roll. We guarantee  this will be a deliciously rewarding ‘egg-speriment,’ and it will help  support your local eateries.

Enroll  (pun intended) in a Vietnamese or Chinese cooking class and learn how to make your very own egg rolls.This will give you the freedom to later  on modify and make it your own.

Explore  the world wide web and see what you can find on the egg roll, its history, and various types. Watch some YouTube videos showing how people from different cultures make their egg rolls, and get inspired.

5 Egg Facts That Will Get You Egg-cited!

Equal protein content

They can be blue or green

Brown over white eggs

Great source of vitamin D

Dark yolks are better

Egg yolk and egg whites have the same amount of protein in them.

Some hens lay blue or green eggs, thanks to a genetic mutation.

Brown eggs are not actually healthier than white eggs, they just cost more because bigger hens lay them.

This is good news for those who may not want to get their vitamin D intake by soaking up the sun and risking a burn.

The darker the egg yolk, the higher the nutritional value in terms of some of the minerals.

Why We Love National Egg Roll Day

A variant for everyone

It brings cultures together

It supports immigrant communities

You  don’t have to be an ‘eggetarian’ to enjoy an egg roll. In fact, many egg rolls don’t even contain eggs.There are versions of the egg roll tweaked to suit every dietary style, lifestyle choice, and palate, so no one is left wanting.

Just  as we saw the merging of Chinese and American cuisines to create American-Chinese dishes, the egg roll brings different cultures together  through its versatility and universal appeal.

Celebrating  a holiday like National Egg Roll Day brings egg rolls and their history  into the limelight, highlighting the importance of supporting family-run restaurants and other businesses that are owned by communities from other parts of the world. It’s, therefore, a great way to promote these businesses and keep them from going down.

Source

[punk-aziraphale]

I'm not nostalgic for Texas but I am nostalgic for buc-ees 😩

Where else can I poop in privacy and comfort, get the biggest fucking drink, a huge bag of candied pecans, a burrito, be delighted by beaver puns, and be assaulted by Texas and Jesus and Texas-Jesus themed decor all in one stop?

Sir? Excuse me, Buc-ee's, sir? If I've learned anything from Drawfee, it's that you're from Texas, not 'Canadian-Texas' (Alberta).

(I was tempted, but didn't get it)

[hesfrombarcelona]

Pizza!: A Slice of History, by Greg Pizzoli

Genre:

Pizza!: A Slice of History is a nonfiction picture book (Texas 2x2 list category).

Target Age Group:

This book is best for children ages 2-8.

Summary:

Pizza is a food enjoyed around the world. This book tells the history of pizza through fun facts and bright, simple artwork.

Justification:

Pizza!: A Slice of History was selected for the 2023 Texas 2x2 list and received enthusiastic reviews from Kirkus, Publisher's Weekly, and Booklist. I was interested in it because Pizzoli's book, The Watermelon Seed has been a very popular Storytime read at my library, and because I cannot resist a picture book with a pun in the title.

Evaluation:

For this book I will be evaluating content, language, and illustrations.

Content:

Pizza!: A Slice of History is surprisingly informative. It touches on historic events that influenced the development and popularization of the dish, and facts about worldwide pizza consumption, giving just enough information to hold one's attention, without boring kids. The range of topics covered makes it likely that most readers will learn something that catches their interest. Finally, there are subtle bits of humor throughout the book, making it a fun read for all ages.

Language:

The language used throughout this book is simple enough for even young listeners to follow the main points, but not simplified to the point of seeming "babyish" to older children or tedious to adults. Definitions of some of the bigger words are incorporated into the text, and the illustrations help to clarify new terms for kids. Text is brief enough to keep the pages turning at a nice attention-holding speed for children. Several pages ask questions of the reader. For instance, after a spread about popular types of pizza in different regions, the book asks, "What is pizza like where you live?" adding a fun interactive component.

Illustrations:

The artwork in Pizza!: A Slice of History is bright and cheerful. There is a limited color palette used, with the majority of pictures rendered in just four, which the copyright page lists as, "sweet-tomato red, fresh-basil green, greasy-cheese yellow, and charred-crust black." The illustrations are simple and the characters look like they could have been taken from a comic strip, down to the speech balloons used for dialogue. The pictures of people depict a diversity of skin tones, ages, and abilities.

I thought this book was very well done and enjoyable. The happy artwork and simple text would make it a good choice for read-alouds with preschoolers, or independent reading for younger grade-schoolers. In fact, I might need to plan an upcoming library Storytime themed around pizza!

References

Pizzoli, G. (2022). Pizza!: A Slice of History. (G. Pizzoli, Illus.). Viking.

[babybottlepop96]

Master List 1

Master List 2

Updated: 7/6/2021

Hazbin Hotel

Demon Belle - Alastor (SFW)

Model - Alastor/Vox/Valentino (Smut)

Marvel

Lips - Peter Parker (Angst, Fluff)

Naruto

Diabetic S.O. HeadCannons  - Kiba/Naruto/Sasuke (Fluff)

Personal HC -Hidan (Smut)

Personal HC - Obito (Smut)

Note - Shino (Fluff)

Always - Shikamaru (Fluff, Angst)

Dominated - Shino (Smut)

I Don’t Hate You - Hidan (Smut)

Asking to have sex for the first time HC - Kiba/Shino/Neji (SFW)

Purple Flower - Kakashi (SFW)

I’m Sorry - Choji (Angst)

Don’t Tell Anyone - Neji x reader (Fluff) and Shikamaru x Reader (Platonic)

Imprinted - Kiba (Angst)

First Kiss HC - Ino and Choji

One Thousand Years of Yes - Kakashi (Smut)

Eternity Together - Itachi (Angst and Fluff)

Tattoos at First Touch - Shino (Fluff, Humor)

Tattoo AU HC - Kiba (Fluff, Humor)

Scaredy Fox - Naruto (Drabble)

Someone to Love - Shikamaru x Sai (Smut)

Choke my Chicken - Sai x The Guys (Drabble, bad sex puns about chickens)

That Dress - Shino x Spell (SFW, Small suggestive theme at the end, FLUFF)

“I’ll Miss You” - Shikamaru x Sai (SFW, Angst)

Seven Minutes in Heaven Series (Naruto)

Naruto (Smut)

Neji (Fluff)

Shikamaru (Smut)

Sai (Fluff)

50 States Myths/Legends (Naruto)

Alabama - Dead Children’s Playground (SFW)

Alaska - Kushtaka (SFW)

Arizona - Slaughterhouse Canyon (SFW)

Arkansas - Highway 365 (SFW)

California - Dark Watchers (SFW, Drabble)

Colorado - Riverdale Road (SFW, Drabble)

Connecticut - Annabelle (Slight NSFW)

Delaware - Fence Rail Dog (SFW, Drabble)

Florida - Devil’s Chair (Drabble)

Georgia

Hawaii

Idaho

Illinois

Indiana

Iowa

Kansas

Kentucky

Louisiana

Maine

Maryland

Massachusetts

Michigan

Minnesota

Mississippi

Missouri

Montana

Nebraska

Nevada

New Hampshire

New Jersey

New Mexico

New York

North Carolina

North Dakota

Ohio

Oklahoma

Oregon

Pennsylvania

Rhode Island

South Carolina

South Dakota

Tennessee

Texas

Utah

Vermont

Virginia

Washington

West Virginia

Wisconsin

Wyoming

OHSHC

Haruhi’s Sister - Hikaru (Smut)

Then Let’s Do Other Things - Kyoya (Fluff)

Fruits Basket

Secret Sister - Kyo (fluff)

Safe - Yuki (Angst and Fluff)

Attack on Titan

Unforgotten Promise - Levi (Angst)

Rumors - Eren (Smut)

Foot Rub - Eren x Mikasa (Drabble)

Basement - Levi x Reader (Dark, Minor DNI)

Mythical Creatures (Attack on Titan Series)

Jorogumo (Angst, Fluff, Death, Blood)

Chapter 1  / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 (Complete)

[steriotypicaloutlaw]

More facts!

- He may be dense, but he caught on to the fact that Jacob has been watching him when he saw him doing so while he was changing his clothes one day, though he's never acknowledged it outwardly to him.

- He is half Irish, half Scottish and born in Ohio.

- He traveled a lot throughout his childhood, so his dialect is all over the place and his accent is very.. neutral.

- He moved to Texas for college and for a fresh start away from his family and the cult they joined.

- He knows English, Scottish Gaelic, Irish Gaelic, and is learning German.

- He volunteers at a local animal shelter.

- He wants a dog, but is usually too busy to take care of himself and prioritizes his shark's health over his own as it is.

- Has a vendetta against Austin and has threatened to find his personal car and slit his tires if he ever fucks with Jacob's packages again.

- His favorite colors are cyan and red.

- Calls Jacob a lot of little nicknames, including but not limited to: little dandelion, Jakey, big fella, puppy, sweetheart, sugar, honey/Hun, and pretty boy.

- Has a playlist dedicated to Jacob.

- His favorite snack is passion fruit flavor Pejoy.

- His favorite drink is tea of any kind. Hot, cold, sweetened, unsweetened, milk teas (with or without boba), sun tea, tea made in a microwave... doesn't matter. He loves tea.

- Plants. Fungi. Mosses. Lichens. Everywhere. Everything can be improved using nature themes of some kind. Have an old mirror that's falling apart? Seal it. Embrace it's worn look. Add moss! Add fungi! Add plants! Have a dresser that looks nice but made with cheap materials? Spruce that shit up! Throw some lichens on that bad boy!

- Puns. So many puns. He's a dad at heart. Complete with the jokes and affinity for cooking on the grill.

- Can't bake well, but will try.

- Horrible with names, like, really bad. Didn't remember the names of Jacob's fish for a while and had to listen in on him talking to them to learn their names.

- Will talk your ear off about fungi, mosses, and lichens.

- Had seen The X-Files at least seven times. Every season. And the movies.

- Knows how to make jams and properly canned and/or pickled goods.

- Has a breeding kink, among other kinks and fetishes, including somniphilia, voyeurism, bdsm, and puppy-play.

- Finds any way he can to distract Jacob and loves finding ways he can fluster him.

- Has intentionally left his outer shower curtain off and he only uses the clear inner one so Jacob can watch him shower.

- Gets off to knowing Jacob watches him when he touches himself.

New OC-

Quite obviously my Lurking For Love OC.

Their whole bathroom is nautical-themed and they keep lots of plants. They collect sharks, animal bones, little trinkets, movies, CDs, and figurines. They have a large tank in their basement where they keep their pet, a brown-banded bamboo shark. Their music taste is quite eclectic. They have a massive crush on Jacob and have taken pictures of him without his knowledge, though obviously not as many or as often as he has of them. They also draw him a lot and have nearly gotten caught doing so on several occasions. They aren't too skilled in technology or hiding things (digital or physical), so it wouldn't be surprising if Jacob were to find out about their crush sooner rather than later. They're also quite dense and oblivious to other's feelings towards them and also won't make the first move in a relationship as they aren't all that confident in their ability to not fuck things up, leading to them often just admiring their crushes from afar as they end up with other people.

[sansmania]

its o VER WHY WAS THIS SO LONG? 

part 1 | part 2 | art that goes with the fic

Title: Your Man

Ship: Boss [ @bonelyheartsclub ]/ GN Reader

Descrip: take it im drifting out to sea because HES GONNA BE A COWBOY thE END

Willie had taken his time to take in the damage done to the beloved boots, tutting and frowning at the holes and shredded leather.

"Oh yeah, I can fix 'em for ya, but it'll take a few days, Mr. Boss. That lil' dog did a number to these." Boss exhaled through his nasal bone with a silent nod. It seems 'Toby' had also managed to dislodge some of the pins that held the heels in, which would mean the boots needed to be completely stripped and rebuilt from the sole up.

"That is fine, I suppose. They mean a great deal to me, so take the time you need to get them back to perfect condition." He seemed a bit emotional about leaving the boots behind, and you gently assured the skeleton that they were in skilled hands. Leaving his contact information, the two of you turned to leave. 

Until a bony hand grabbed your neckline again.

"You said this store specializes in leather and boots, correct?"

"Yes?" You held the word out longer than necessary, red pinpricks looking down at you, then to the fluorescent shoes between you.

"I would like to peruse them, then. It would not hurt for me to have a few more sets, anyway. And I am beyond done with these sneakers. I feel like one of those fictional circus clowns."

You bit your tongue at his presumption, knowing Boss wouldn't listen to a word you had to say on the subject, and accepted your fate in the tobacco and wood lacker scented hell.

After a bit of searching, pausing only to laugh at some of the ridiculous 'southern fact' signs they had decorating a shelf, the pair of you found the boot section of the large store.

"Human, I highly doubt if Texas were real, that it would home ninety percent of the planet's spider population." You couldn't help the snort that came out at Boss' comment as he walked over to the wall of shoes.

His eyelights were transfixed on the detailed stiches in some of the leather boots. His phalanges traced over a pair that had some gaudy gems placed into them- a pair that had studs- red stained leather- black snake skin. He was strangely silent as he looked over each set with wonder.

You didn't think any of them were Boss' style, to be honest. They were about classic as classic cowboy boots get- you could have sworn you even spotted a pair made of alligator skin.

"These." He finally spoke, pulling down one of the only sets that seemed to be ankle high. They were a deep maroon, black stitching along the sides and folds, and a very obvious steel toe embedded inside. There were a few gold embellishments and you felt they were gaudy as all hell.

But, that expression of wonder in Boss' eyes made him look like a child on gyftmas morning.

It was cute.

He was cute.

"I mean, sure, if you're into red, black and gold-" The skeleton flicked his eyes towards you, making your mouth snap shut. He took a seat on a nearby bench, listlessly kicking off the offending accessories to try the new boots on.

Boss became silent once again, taking in the shine of leather as he tilted his feet and legs to get a good look at them.

"There is a mirror over there." You mention, pointing a few feet away, and he stood up to admire the shape of the shoes. And while he did so, you also found yourself admiring him.

Boss was very tall- even without the help of his stiletto heels- and his broad shoulders squared in perfect posture made almost anything he wore look breathtaking. His choice of attire today fit snuggly against his ribcage, tapering down his spine- making Boss look, pun intended, skeleton thin. Tight, but soft, leather pants hugged his narrow hips and bony legs, perfectly shaping his body.

"Hmm. A bit lower than what I am used to, but they are quite fetching on me. What do you think, human?"

He caught you staring, once again, in the mirror- just as your eyes had been slowly trailing down his legs, brain becoming grey mush. You curse quietly, turning your head away with a mutter of agreement.

"Sadly, they do not match the rest of my attire. I should see if they have apparel here to compliment my figure and accessories." He made an amused sound when you cocked your head at the suggestion, cheeks burning with new fervor.

Oh. He knew exactly what he was doing now. Boss wouldn't even play with the idea if any of his family was around, but since it was just the two of you, he was going to continue his sadistic game.

When you had first met Boss, you would have sworn he didn't have a playful bone in his body- the serious tone and way he carried himself made it seem he was all work and no play. But, as you got to know him, his true colors seemed to blossom forth. Yes, he hated puns, that didn't mean he had no sense of humor. His humor was dry and a little cynical- and you had nearly soiled yourself in laughter when he cracked his first joke around you.

He also found Blue and Nox's rivalry amusing, egging them on at times just to get under their skin.

And when then two of you were alone, he was much more relaxed, allowing more of his jovial side to come out. Sometimes it was a welcome blessing and sometimes it was not.

As it was at your expense today, it was one of those times that his sense of humor didn't delight.

"Uh, s-sure. Why not? Let's find you a nice pair of chaps-" Boss' amused smile caught you off guard as he held a hand up to stop you from moving. You had hoped he would allow you to help, maybe in a way save yourself from this horrible fate.

"No, I believe I can handle dressing myself just fine. Though, I will listen to your opinion after I have chosen an outfit." The smirk didn't go away as you made a noise of disdain. The skeleton sauntered off on his own, leaving you to scream internally at being caught red handed and was going to make you suffer for it.

When he turned a corner, you were on your feet- tossing the old converse in your inventory- and did your best to sneak around the store behind the him. Occasionally, Boss would turn his head out of suspicion, causing you to duck behind a shelf, while he thumbed through the racks of clothes.

He was enjoying teasing you like this, smirk still apparent on his face. You were by no means subtle, so Boss knew you were tailing him around, and that only added to his amusement.

You peeked over a row of jackets that were fastened with tassels while Boss sifted through some button up shirts. His foot tapped along to the music with perfect rhythm, though, you were more shocked when his low voice was barely audible.

He was quietly singing along to the tune.

Boss Gothic Serif.

Was singing country.

And he knew you were watching and listening.

The next time he glanced over his shoulder, Boss caught your reddened face as a devious smile curled on his skull. He knew exactly what he was doing.

"Human, I have picked out a suitable ensemble. Feel free to wait there for me to change." You didn't hide this time when he spoke up, accepting defeat, stepping out to follow the monster towards the changing rooms.

You knew from the first day of meeting these skeletons that they would be the death of you. You just didn't expect it to be in a dime store cowboy shop in the city.

Flopping down on another bench, you waited for death to finish his wardrobe swap and drag you to the dark depths- knowing now that he was going to be dressed like a cowboy with Shania Twain playing gently to send you off.

The shuffle of cloth behind the barn themed doors caught your attention, the soft click of bones on wood as a lock was lifted and the doors swung open.

Words choked in your mouth as it hung ajar, Boss stepping out of the small room with the most smug look on his face you had ever seen him muster.

His head was tilted down ever so slightly, burning red eyes shaded by the black hat atop his skull. Your eyes dragged down to the crisp maroon and black button up, gold skull bola tie strung in the collar and rested on his nearly bare breastbone.

The shirt was rolled at the sleeves, showing off his battle scarred hands and arms, and the tail tucked neatly into a pair of tight black dyed jeans; adorned and held up by a red leather belt that had a large gold skull buckle to keep it all together. The jeans hugged the skeleton's frame all the way down to the coordinated boots.

Boss leaned against the doorframe, taking in your reaction with sadistic glee; How you couldn't form a single word in appreciation to his wardrobe selection. How your face was red enough to put his shirt to shame. How your eyes lingered over the single undone button at his clavicle.

How your reaction made his soul thrum with pride.

"Comments?" He finally spoke, beyond amused at the way you startled to his rough voice- dropping it an octave or two, successfully getting further reactions out of you. Finally, you managed to swallow the hard, dry lump that formed in your throat, tearing your gaze away to look back to Boss' expecting eyes.

You coughed and looked away

"Yee. Haw?" Was all you could manage as he stepped forward, boots loudly clacking against the hardwood floor. The terrifying skeleton you called a friend, and obviously waxed red towards, stopped mere feet before you, dragging your attention back to him.

"Is that all you have to say? I would appreciate some feedback, maybe I should make another selection if this doesn't suit me-"

"No, don't!" You found your voice as Boss turned heel to find something else to fluster you with. He quirked a brow ridge at your outburst, returning to his previous position, arms crossed as he awaited to hear your real feelings. 

"You. You look good, Boss." You did your best to hold your voice steady as his gaze made you shrink into the bench, like you were going to become a permanent fixture in the store.

"Just ‘good’?" Oh, he was going to make you suffer. Breathing hard through your nose, you looked back up at him. Boss already knew how you felt, so this was just torture to feed his ego.

And you may as well feed it.

"Fine." There was a pause as you found the words. “You look amazing. Handsome. Stunning.” You could feel your face and neck darkening with each admission- at this point, had you even been referring to just how he looked now? He seemed to preen at each compliment, all too pleased to drink in your words of praise.

"Then I do believe I will purchase these items. They may be in start contrast to the rest of my wardrobe, but some variety in life never hurts."

It was interesting to watch Boss fannagle with the cashier about buying all the clothes items while he was still in them- but he managed to do it, and in style, if you were honest.

With his boots squared away, clothes tucked into his inventory, and you at his side, Boss literally strutted out of the store- leading you both back to his car.

"Human, you make it so easy to fluster you, you do realize that." Boss' smile from before had not left his features, even as you pulled into the culdesac in which you lived.

"Yeah, I'm aware, Boss." You heaved a final embarrassed sigh as the car came to a stop at your curb. Gathering your belongings, and what little bit of pride you had left, the car door swung open and you turned back to him. "Tease the human that has feelings for you. Ha, ha."

"But, uh." You pause, leaning on the door to look Boss in the eyes.

"Have fun getting into your room before Red or Stretch see you, Cowboy."

[solange-lol]

ceejay @buoyantsaturn put “+ alabanda” so im assuming i should do this /j (ily ceej)

Name: liz!

Pronouns: they/she, preferably they/them if were not mutuals/friends but tbh it dont matter that much

Height: cj put “shorter than liz” so. taller than cj i guess sgjdfhkj honestly could not even tell you

Favorite Band: ajr!

Favorite Artist: dodie and mxmtoon :relieved:

Song stuck in your head: deja vu by olivia rodrigo but im also currently listening to roadtrip by dream so. multitasking ig

Last movie you watched: the prom (i think)

Last show you binged: uhh greys anatomy probably but “binge” as in i watched An Episode two weeks ago and then Thought about watched the two most recent eps, which is the most tv ive watched all month

When you created your account: summer of 2017! i remember the exact moment actually i was post almost-drowning froma  kayak trip and i was sitting in my cabin typing out a solangelo fic on my phone and i realized i needed a blog to post it in. lmao.

Other blogs: god,, @sclangelc, @not-solange-lol, @sanders-screams, @klaineiac, @rank-king, @tubbath, @how-amoosing, @solangeloweek, @delete-this-buoyantsaturn, and a handful of various will-themed saved urls

Why I chose my URL:

@solange-lol -> its like a play on words like solangelo/lol or something idk i was 12 and its too late now i Am just liz solange-lol

@not-solange-lol -> realized too late i couldnt change main blogs and i didnt want the blog i follow from being an obvious phannie blog so,,

@sclangelc -> came up with it when i was brainstorming twitter urls and annie actually had the url saved already so she so graciously gifted it to me <3 ily annie bookplush

@klaineiac -> leftover from my glee phase because i was too proud of it

@tubbath -> i wanted a tubbo themed blog so i could have the blog title be a tubbo quote and all the good snowchester ones were taken lmao

@sanders-screams -> tbh i dont remember the reasoning behind this one but i dont rly use this blog unless theres a new sanders sides out 

@rank-king -> also Barely use this one but i want property of this url even tho i also barely watch rank king episodes when they come out. oops.

@solangeloweek -> self explanatory i would hope, although technically cj chose it

@how-amoosing -> wanted cow blog, needed quick cow pun

@delete-this-buoyantsaturn -> dumb joke sjdhkasd

Number of people I follow: 3,102, which cj thinks is disgusting

Followers: 4.2k+ on here but across all blogs like uhhh 7k or smth

Hours of sleep: anywhere between 6 and 12 

Lucky Number: dont think i have one,,, im not a particularly lucky person i dont think

Currently wearing: seahorse pajama pants :] and uhh a very bright green tshirt

Dream trip: texas.... or like sinagpore or smth

Dream job: god i have no clue. probably something freelance or relatively independent 

Favorite gift(s): to give? art probably its all i ever give. to receive is just anything personal

Favorite song: rn its 1,2 by mxmtoon ft chloe moriondo

Universes I’d like to visit: bold of you to assume i want to exist in any universe

Tagging (no pressure) : @a-hundred-jewels and @ethannku + anyone else who wants to! i feel like im the end of the line here adhajksd

[constancecunningham]

A Ghost is a Wish || Constance, Blanche, and Agnes Bachman

TIMING: Current/the Winter Solstice

LOCATION: The Common

PARTIES: @harlowhaunted, @constancecunningham, Agnes Bachman (written by @chloeinbetween)

SUMMARY: Constance and Blanche visit the seasonal lights in town to make their yuletide wishes and find themselves haunted. Constance makes a choice.

CONTAINS: mild gore, violence

Beneath the copse of glowing evergreens in the Common, Constance could almost believe in Christmas. The lights, steadier than flame and enchanted with colors she hadn’t realized could burn, spilled over the ground and painted the faces of spellbound children. Here, icy violet, th see ere pale green and rosy pink; there was no sense to it that she could discern beyond the thrill of beauty itself. “Your world has brought such wondrous magic to the mundane,” she said to Blanche, so close to her ear she could almost imagine the tickle of her hair. “Is it always like this? Such wonderful displays in the open for even the most wretched to see up close?” It was so magnificent with the light so bright in the evening it puddled on the floor in a magic carpet. Constance twirled in it and imagined the ground truly had transformed into the richest, softest fibres, the kind that would send you to sleep in an instant with their comfort. “It seems to me this should be the site of a great commemoration, a pageant or a gift. What would you ask for, Blanche Harlow?”

The colors shown through Constance’s transparent form, illuminating her in a strangely beautiful way that made Blanche happy only she could witness her. She was far happier than she had been in a long time. It was strange how such a simple outing could release the tension and stress built up for weeks and weeks on end. “I didn't believe in magic for the longest time,” she told Constance, jogging a little to catch up with her. “But I always thought the lights in the trees here this time of year was the closest thing to it.” Christmas with the Harlow’s wasn't an extravagant affair unless there was some holiday themed dinner party her parents hosted for work. After Blanche turned eleven, they rarely even bothered to get a tree unless they had to. More than once, Adrien and Blanche had woken up to a cold, empty house with money on the counter to order dinner and two wrapped presents - one for each of them. The Common was the only place where she could really appreciate the spirit - no pun intended. Blanche considered Constance’s question, her face flushing a deeper pink as it had taken to doing whenever she said her full name. “I’ve never been good at remembering what I want when I'm asked,” Blanche smiled ruefully at Constance, and she had the urge to reach out and grab her hand. A pang of sadness hit her when she remembered her hand would just pass through. Blanche looked down at the ground, thinking quietly.

“I also tend to wish for things I can't have.” She kept the bitterness out of her voice with surprising ease, and she seemed to recover almost immediately, looking up at Constance with a warm smile. “And you?  Wha - What  would you ask for?” Blanche asked.

“Sometimes a dream is the best thing to want,” Constance said. “So long as you know it. A gift you never receive can never disappoint and never betray.” Not for the first time, Constance felt that it would have been a mercy if Agnes’ false kindness had never touched her at all. At least when she was starving for food and kindness at once, her happiness could never grow more dangerous than a fairy tale. What good was learning what love could be if it only lasted for three years before growing teeth? What use had she for hope when it was doomed to be dashed? And yet for the first time, Constance hesitated when Blanche asked her what she would ask for. Naturally, there would be more peace in the world if Morgan Beck was stamped out for good. The distress she caused her friends, the harm she passed with her duplicitous, hypocritical Bachman nature would end, and Constance’s suffering would have been worth something. But if she could have two wishes, if the gifts could be guaranteed, or remain a dream forever… “It would have to be something wonderfully impossible, wouldn’t it?” She said, smiling back at Blanche. “Perhaps…I would like to climb into one of those pictures on your computer, like that lake in Prague, with the flowers falling onto the shimmering water? Perhaps simply to be alive again for a day before it all ends, in a body that touches and feels things like the living do…” There was at least one thing Constance knew she would enjoy touching. Oh, how sweet to dream such safe, impossible dreams…

Constance drifted closer to Blanche, another question on her lips, but she froze, aghast, when she saw a face drifting through the evening crowd. Agnes was much changed, more of a woman than Constance ever had a chance to be, the cruel wretch. But the broad features remained, haunting in their preserved beauty. “What are you doing here?” Constance growled.

Cold fear dropped over her as she watched Constance’s expression change from wondrously thoughtful to the twisted fury Blanche had come to associate with the Bachman family. It took her a moment to understand why, but she soon saw the familiar form of Agnes gliding through the crowd. “No,” Blanche said, her horrified voice barely a whisper. “Go away,” she pleaded, louder this time. It took a moment to shake herself of the ice that gripped her, before she planted herself in front of Constance, looking between them with a mixture of fear and a steely determination that she was unwilling to let go of. The only moment of hesitation was deciding who she was going to speak with first. She turned to Constance. “Please,” Blanche said softly, only for Constance to hear. “We don't have to do this. Not here. Let's go back to the lights.”

She had weighed her options over and over since that first night with Morgan by the poolside. Twice, Agnes had begun the trek back to Texas by herself, before turning back. Her heart tore in two opposing directions. Lights did not flicker and objects did not rattle when she felt things, the tempest of her emotions locked under her corset even in death, but they still twisted inside her until she felt like nothing but her indecision. It threatened to swallow her whole. The more she thought, the more only one solution seemed available to her. An end to her line’s suffering, the protection she hadn’t afforded her children in life, an end to her regret… and some kind of peace for Constance, if she would have it. She had moved through town for days, searching and at once hoping she would not find Constance at all,  until she finally spotted her at the Christmas market. Agnes had been surprised to see how young she was, frozen in time decades before Agnes had been. The carefully prepared words fled her mind. All plans fled her mind. She didn’t respond to the living girl beside her, didn’t even consider her as relevant.

“Constance,” Agnes said softly, her face the picture of regret.

Agnes was always going to get more life than Constance had ever had. By design, she had granted her at least three more years before the floodgates opened on her suffering. But she had not imagined this. Agnes had wrinkles around her translucent eyes. She had a manner of dress Constance had never even seen. As far as she knew it was something out of a fashion plate, a grotesque extravagance she didn’t deserve. How worthless had her sacrifice been, that Agnes could gain this in the time between her undoings?

The tree lights flickered and flared, humming faintly.

Agnes’ face was as sad as Constance had ever seen, heavy and bent. How many times had Constance seen her present herself like that? So sorry and sad and wanting Constance’s comfort, her forgiveness. Constance drifted through Blanche to face her. “You have no right,” she declared, her voice rigid with fury. A section of lights sparked behind her and went dim. Control. Concentrate. This would not be her undoing. “Whatever reason you have come for, you have no right! Not like this! Like you’re sorry!”

“Constance please!” the desperation in Blanche’s voice caused her to raise her voice, flinching as Constance phased through her. It was hard not to feel the hot fear as her skin turned to ice, whirling on her heels as she watched Constance’s fury. “Please stop!” Blanche rushed to her side, looking at her. Lights were flickering, and Blanche's shouting caused several families to look over at her in concern. Blanche didn't care, the negative energy in the air sinking into her, resting like broken glass under her skin. She knew this feeling. The last time she had felt it was during the first failed exorcism when Cordelia’s spirit shifted into a poltergeist. Constance was already so close…Panic bubbled in her. “Don’t do this. We can go back - let’s enjoy the lights! Let’s enjoy the stars! Please! Please!” Before she realized what was happening, her voice broke and a large knot was tied in her throat. She couldn't properly breathe and her eyes were wide with unshed tears, and she looked to Agnes. “Go away,” she pleaded with her now too because she could feel the change in Constance’s anger, teetering so close to the point of no return. “Please. You don't know what you’re doing to her. You don't know what you’ll do. Please go away so we can go back. Please.”

Agnes did not shift in response to the flickering lights, nor Constance’s rage. She had always been the summer breeze to Constance’s fiery light, in joy and in grief. “I am sorry,” she said softly, knowing they would still hear. She looked to Blanche, still unsure after their last meeting, but Blanche had been right. She had been cowardly to avoid this before now. “I need to set this right. There must be an end to this suffering, for Constance too,” Agnes said desperately to Blanche, before turning back to the ghost of her ex-lover. She was no stranger to all of Constance’s tempers, some earned and some not in the life they had almost built together. Constance looked like a magnificent storm, too young by half for what she had suffered. “I am sorry, Constance. I want to do better by you in death than I ever did in life. You deserved better.”

“Better?” Constance spat. “Better is if I had used you for the curse! Better that you had never brought me to your home with your worthless—” Constance choked on the word. How pathetic, how cruel that she still could not speak of anything so impossible as love when there was no end to how loud or long she could scream and no point in holding back anything. Still, the word was burned out of her mouth. She felt its ghost in her, a hateful feeling that would fall into Agnes and her soft, quiet tears if she let it.

Constance clenched herself. Behind her, lights cracked and a tree fell to darkness. The decorations of ribbon, plastic, and glass quivered, rattling the branches. A child cried.

“What could you know about better?” Constance hissed. “What do you understand about right? Nothing about you is right, you, your cursed life—-” A horrifying thought struck Constance. It was hiding in the shape of Agnes’ cheeks, the way she frowned. Constance remembered those faces from long nights whispering her room, dreaming their way out of that house. But she also knew it from a crowded classroom, a bedroom window, a picture in the newspaper of Morgan Beck. They weren’t just any Bachman features. They were Agnes’. “Morgan is one of yours, isn’t she?” Not a great niece or a cousin or some other distant branch from the same guilty family, but her direct spawn. “Is that the real reason you’ve come? To stand by your blasted family again?” Of course, of course it couldn’t be for her.

The magic of the night was broken the second lights started exploding. No one was paying her any mind, and Blanche felt like she was going to be sick. Things were spiraling out of control too quickly, and she didn't know what to do. The only thought in her mind that it wasn't supposed to end like this, not this time. Constance would choose right, and her soul would be able to truly be at peace. She would be close to the edge, but never fall. “You don't understand,” Blanche pleaded with Agnes as the weight of Constance’s rage hit her. “You don't understand what you're doing to her. Go away, this won't help. None of this will help!” Blanche once again stepped between the two, trying to create a living barrier that would knock Constance back to how she was before. “Stop! This isn't the place for this. This isn't the - this isn't the - you can’t!” her voice cracked on the last word, and Blanche knew at that moment what she would ask for. There was a scream as glass ornaments started exploding, and the child’s cries grew louder. How could Blanche understand and articulate it in a way to defuse the fury that was raging through the Common? The temperature seemed to drop ten degrees, and she clutched the fabric of her jacket around her, looking between the two helplessly. The betrayal and anger and love wasn't completely foreign to Blanche, but she has never been hurt the way Agnes hurt Constance. People were starting to panic, confused and afraid. “Constance, look at me, please. You don't have to do this. You can't. Let’s leave. Let’s go. Go with me, please.”

In life, every time they argued, it had been a one sided affair. Constance would be angry, Agnes would make herself smaller and offer no resistance, and with no where for her anger bounce against, Constance would be even more annoyed. Those had been minor arguments, forgetting when they had arranged to meet, disagreements about local gossip, the meals which they had packed for their summer picnics. Nothing as grand or as terrible as this. Constance was owed so much more than another spineless moment. “You are right. I cannot change the past, no matter how might I might wish to.” She glanced at Blanche. “I understand better than I have for decades. You helped me understand,” Agnes said truthfully, talking past her to Constance again as the world rattled with Constance’s rage. “No! No, Constance, I came here for the both of you. To do what I didn’t before, to protect you from my family.” And her family from Constance, too.

Control. Concentrate. Control. Behind Constance, glass shattered and children cried. Snow boots pattered on the ground as people backed away or shuffled back to their business. Such cruel noise, such destruction. Blanche was calling, screaming, and pleading at her side.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do!” Constance snapped. She turned her attention for an instant. Blanche’s face was pink and wet with tears. Her eyes, so large and uncomprehending, were that of a wounded animal. Perhaps she didn’t understand, perhaps she couldn’t. If she did, she wouldn’t be trying to stop her. “We shouldn’t have to be the ones who leave,” she snarled. “You know. You know what she did to me! What all of them did! Why would you ask that of me?” Of everyone Constance had met, Blanche had been the one she thought would let her free, would stand with her. Not help her, she was too gentle for that, but to stand, to make it so she did not feel so alone… Constance’s face twisted with hurt. Perhaps she should never have wished for anything at all, impossible or not.

“Protect me,” Constance said bitterly, her voice warbling. She would be crying herself if she had any tears left to give the world. “How would you even know what that word means, when I bent myself broken protecting you!”

The streetlamps around them flashed with panic.

“What is there left to protect me from? What is there left to do to me?” She screamed. She flew to Agnes until their forms nearly blended into one. “What is it? I should be glad to know the truth from you for once! What is it? How do you protect me? How do you do anything for me? You stole my life and even my curse wasn’t enough to keep you from tormenting me! I gave everything to make what you did to me stop hurting! And look at this! What is this! How are you still--” Looking at me, pitying me, haunting me. Constance stared hard into Agnes, pleading for answers she knew would never come. But worse than the ignorance was the helpless pull inside her, still wanting someone, maybe anyone, to love her. But oh, that was never to be in this or any other world. Constance screamed and at last let go.

You helped me understand. The irony wasn’t lost on Blanche as the sting of Constance’s rejection settled like a heavy stone in her chest. She had questioned Constance and her motives time and time again, and Blanche wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab her by the shoulders. She would feel her warm skin and hold her as they cried under the ruined lights and they could move on and heal and all would be well. “You don’t know what you’ve done. What you’ve chosen,” Blanche whispered. Her words to Cordelia echoed in her mind. The only tragedy is a woman who ruined other people’s lives to the point where she ruined herself. Blanche wanted more for Constance, she deserved more than to perish in the ruins of her past. She wouldn't see that though, she would only see what she thought she wanted. With one final scream, Constance was lost, and Blanche’s hope was gone.

She couldn’t focus on the lights exploding or the horrible wind that had picked up around them, scattering residents and tourists alike with ear splitting screams. Blanche could only feel the raw power radiating off Constance. Focus. A small voice hissed through the static that raged in Blanche’s mind. What do you do now? Blanche realized she was crying and she was more than angry. She didn’t quite know what she was. Grief stricken, maybe? Her skin felt like it had been set on fire and her insides had melted and she was so - Focus! The voice snarled, louder this time. It was loud enough to make her stagger backwards, reorienting herself.

She could see and feel the electricity in the air as she finally moved, fumbling from her purse. “Agnes go. I’ll find you later! You need to get out of here, now. Find Morgan.” Blanche blinked tears out of her eyes as her hand gripped the iron rod. She rushed forward, much like she had in Morgan’s classroom, ready to fight. She didn’t want to - god, she didn’t want to. Constance needed more. Deserved more. Why didn’t she just listen? She did everything right, and Constance still -- Focus. There would be time, Blanche realized, for grief later. There would be time to scream and cry and figure out why it felt like someone knocked the wind out of her. She could figure out where to go from here later. Now she had to dissipate Constance before she killed someone. Again. Unable to choke anything out other than something between a battle cry and scream, Blanche swung her iron.

“Your soul. Constance, I know I’m much too late for everything else, I can’t change that, it would have been worse not to-” Agnes shied away from Constance’s rage, even now it could no longer touch her. There was a tiny pulse in the air, no more notable than the click of a necklace chain giving way. She didn’t understand what happened, other than the tears on Blanche’s cheeks and her insistence that she needed to go, but she fell back, still pleading with the face of fury beating down on her. “Constance, we can be better than this. Both of us. We can end this now. I forgive you.” Her eyes widened as Blanche jerked forward, and only now did Agnes actually move away, avoiding the iron so she wouldn’t be forced away.

Constance unspooled on the wind, the threads of her soul, her sad, desperate softness fluttering away like her hair from its ribbon. She heard Agnes speaking, her high little voice like some trained bird. But for once nothing in her reached out to harmonize and rescue her voice from being swallowed by the world. Constance reached out to the world now and the wind roared, drowning out every sound in the common, ripping ribbon off the branches and blowing broken glass.

“Forgive me?” She screamed. “I never betrayed anyone! I never hurt anyone until you! You did this to me, you wretch! I wish I’d done half the things you said I did! I wish I’d murdered all of you and had done with it!” She couldn’t stop Agnes’ heart or dash her to the ground, but she could rip the glass from the streetlights and tear the shards through her form. She saw Blanche coming with the iron and shoved her back. “I would curse you too if I still could!” Blanche’s body flew and crashed into the Christmas trees. “You think I didn’t know you could betray me too? That I hadn’t learned my lesson yet? That I was your precious fool?”

The wind was too loud for Constance to hear anything at all, but around her, humans scuttled for cover like ants. Some fell, silly parcels spilling on the ground. Mouths opened in fright, but they didn’t understand what was unfolding before them, and they did not understand her hurt. But she could make them. She toppled the lamp posts, snapping them in half like they were only twigs and sparked the Christmas lights into flame, torching the branches with flames greater than all the candles in the world. Constance only had to bid them to rise and they flared, engulfing the trees all the way to the top. With a twist of her hand, Constance snapped a web of rainbow lights free and sent them flailing, thrashing, into puddles of melting snow. Power rippled white into the ground. The wind fell and in the quiet, the common drummed with  the sound of falling bodies. Constance raised one of the burning trees and hurled it into a gazebo where a thick crowd had thought to take shelter. “I am going to do what I should have months ago, and I will take the blood of anyone who tries to stop me as well, since she doesn’t have any left for me to take!” Constance roared. She pointed an angry finger at Agnes. “This is your fault,” she hissed. “All of this is you! Forgive yourself for it, I dare you!”

Blanche should have known that it wasn’t going to be as easy as it had been in the classroom. She was knocked backward before she was thrown off her feet completely by an invisible force. Her body crashed into the tree. Branches and lights tore into her as her torso slammed into the trunk of the tree before she bounced down to the ground, hitting the frozen earth with a hard thump. In an instant, all the air in her body was gone, and Blanche could only gasp for breath. With no air to respond to Constance’s screams, she could only let out a wheezing objection - Blanche didn’t betray Constance. She was upfront from the beginning since Maxine had died, since Constance had almost killed Nell. Blanche wasn’t about to let her hurt all of these people, no matter the devastation she felt in her heart. If Blanche was truly going to do what she had to, it didn’t matter if it was bad people like Lydia Griffin or August Thompson. And it didn’t matter that Constance Cunningham had been twirling under the Christmas lights, beautiful and good, because she had lost herself.

There was that voice again, as Blanche lay there, barking orders at her as the initial shock from the collision. Focus! Move! Blanche hurled herself out from under the tree as it went up into flames just she realized just how much pain she was actually in. Pain was practically a pastime for Blanche at this point, so she staggered to her feet, eyes blurred from hot tears. Stumbling forward, she saw the flamed tree uprooted from the ground, soaring - soaring - soaring towards the cowering people in a gazebo.

“No!” Her hand flew out. It was too late, she only managed to knock it off course a little, hitting the side of the gazebo instead of head on. There was an eruption of flame. Screams pierced Blanche’s ears and she staggered back. The crowd was scattering, running far away from the electricity crackling off the lamp posts, far away from whatever horror had been thrust upon the common. The energy was going to make her sick and the pain was getting worse.

Focus. Make the next choice. Focus, dear.

With a start, Blanche realized she recognized the voice, and she knew what she needed to do right then. Lunging for her fallen bag, Blanche hissed for Agnes to follow her, before she forced her aching body to sprint as she fumbled for her phone.

She needed help. Now.

[cheesybadgers]

Ok, this is a very big leap at this stage so let me have my delusions, but....BUT....I'm stuck on this exchange from a deleted scene:

I know there's been a lot of speculation about the last screencap, because we've been told in another episode Shannon was the first girl Eddie dated/slept with. But in the scene above, we already see Eddie self-censoring his story to Christopher (he says Shannon came over to talk to him when they first met because she wanted a "soda" when he obviously meant alcohol). Is it that beyond the realms of possibility Eddie's first romantic relationship was with a boy and he's just self-censored to 'girlfriend' here to protect his son? Especially because we know Eddie did in fact not get over Shannon. His entire arc has been precisely about the fact he's stuck in the past grieving since her death. Christopher has been witness to a lot of it. So, it looks to me like Eddie is talking about two different people: Shannon and his first 'girlfriend', rather than they have retconned on Shannon being the first girl he dated/slept with. That could still be true.

This is all assuming they are going down the queer!Eddie route, of course. But say they are, just for the sake of my mad ramblings...if this is pointing towards him having loved and lost a boy back in Texas in his youth, I'm just gonna leave this here and scream into a pillow:

And hey, even if they wanted to go down the 'Eddie had a thing with one of his army buddies (no pun intended)' route I've got that covered as well 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️:

ALL I'M SAYING IS, if they do actually go there (I still can't bring myself to fully believe it tbh, I feel deranged for even typing any of this out), the potential for OHDH parallels and the exact kind of story and themes about accepting your sexuality later in life I wanted to tell and bring into existence with that fic are insane and I wasn't remotely expecting to even be considering that as a possibility 😭😭

Not to make everything about OHDH, but Eddie is not beating the Horacio parallel allegations...

“My Mamá, Elena, was the same after my Papá, Eduardo, died. I heard her crying at night sometimes, but she was always strong for me and Alejandra – my sister. So, I had to be strong for them. I thought I was the man of the house.” He scoffed at the absurdity of that statement, given how he was barely out of his teens at the time. “I took every promotion I could, just like he’d done. But it never seemed enough.”

******************

Horacio entwined their fingers on his leg because if anyone understood his apprehension, it was Javier. “I know. I just hate keeping it from her after everything we’ve been through. She would always make me soup if I was sick. And she looked out for me after Papá was gone. She taught me Mamá’s sudado de pollo recipe because it was one of Papá’s favourites. I liked to think I was the man of the house, but she loved reminding me she was my older sister.”

******************

“We both did. But at least I’d had more time with Papá. Good job I did have those few years to myself ‘cos Horacio followed him around like a shadow. Until he couldn’t. Then he thought he had to be the man of the house. Even when there were two much more qualified women for the job.”

“He thought it was his duty."

[rabbitcruiser]

National Egg Roll Day

National Egg Roll Day rolls around on June 10 every year. Whether brown, white,  free-range, or organic eggs, this deep-fried finger food can have it  all! Although similar to Mainland Chinese spring rolls, the egg roll has its contents wrapped in a crispy, thick, egg-dipped pastry, making the  cabbage, meat, and other ingredients of the filling extra scrumptious! With its Asian heritage, egg rolls have found their way into every Vietnamese and Chinese-American restaurant, and thus, into every American’s heart.

History of National Egg Roll Day

Established  in 2019, in honor of the founders of Van’s Kitchen, Van and Kim Nguyen, National Egg Roll Day is a relatively new food holiday. Van’s Kitchen began in Dallas, Texas, in 1986, with the Vietnamese-themed restaurant, representing the beginning of the family’s pursuit of the ‘American  dream’. Like many other immigrant families, Van and Kim came from Vietnam with a passion for sharing their culture through food,  especially their authentic egg rolls — consisting of shredded cabbage,  minced meat (usually pork), bamboo shoot, onions, and a variety of other  freshly ground spices all blended into one delectable filling. They strive to maintain the quality of their egg rolls by using only the  freshest ingredients.

Although the origins of the dish are  unknown, it may be traced back to Southern China’s Cantonese cuisine. However, many Asian countries also lay claim to having different  variations of the humble egg roll. According to Andrew Coe, author of  “Chop Suey: A Cultural History of Chinese Food in the United States,”  the modern-day egg roll was most likely invented in New York in the 1930s. As compared to the ancient Southern Chinese traditional rolls, Americans have been consuming egg-roll-like food since the mid-1800s.

The distinctive American-style egg roll recipe was first published in 1938  by chef Henry Low, one of the two contending chefs who vie to take credit for popularizing the dish. Despite its short history, the typical  egg roll we see today has stayed true to its crunchy, soft, savory origins, and just the thought of it has us drooling and reaching for the nearest takeout menu.

National Egg Roll Day timeline

1800s Egg Rolls Arrive in the U.S.

Chinese immigrants to the U.S. begin to make and consume egg rolls.

1930s Egg Rolls Trend in NYC

Chinese diners across New York City begin to popularize the egg roll.

1980s Van’s Kitchen Opens Up

Vietnamese egg rolls gain the spotlight through Van’s Kitchen.

2019 National Egg Roll Day is Born

Thanks to Van’s Kitchen, the egg roll gets a national day of its own.

How to Celebrate National Egg Roll Day

Go on a food walk

Enroll in a cooking class

Watch a documentary

Grab  a few foodie pals and go on a food walk, hitting the different Asian restaurants that serve their own version of the egg roll. We guarantee  this will be a deliciously rewarding ‘egg-speriment,’ and it will help  support your local eateries.

Enroll  (pun intended) in a Vietnamese or Chinese cooking class and learn how to make your very own egg rolls.This will give you the freedom to later  on modify and make it your own.

Explore  the world wide web and see what you can find on the egg roll, its history, and various types. Watch some YouTube videos showing how people from different cultures make their egg rolls, and get inspired.

5 Egg Facts That Will Get You Egg-cited!

Equal protein content

They can be blue or green

Brown over white eggs

Great source of vitamin D

Dark yolks are better

Egg yolk and egg whites have the same amount of protein in them.

Some hens lay blue or green eggs, thanks to a genetic mutation.

Brown eggs are not actually healthier than white eggs, they just cost more because bigger hens lay them.

This is good news for those who may not want to get their vitamin D intake by soaking up the sun and risking a burn.

The darker the egg yolk, the higher the nutritional value in terms of some of the minerals.

Why We Love National Egg Roll Day

A variant for everyone

It brings cultures together

It supports immigrant communities

You  don’t have to be an ‘eggetarian’ to enjoy an egg roll. In fact, many egg rolls don’t even contain eggs.There are versions of the egg roll tweaked to suit every dietary style, lifestyle choice, and palate, so no one is left wanting.

Just  as we saw the merging of Chinese and American cuisines to create American-Chinese dishes, the egg roll brings different cultures together  through its versatility and universal appeal.

Celebrating  a holiday like National Egg Roll Day brings egg rolls and their history  into the limelight, highlighting the importance of supporting family-run restaurants and other businesses that are owned by communities from other parts of the world. It’s, therefore, a great way to promote these businesses and keep them from going down.

Source

[merrybrides]

13 Fun Summer Rehearsal Dinner Ideas

Your rehearsal dinner will set the tone for your wedding weekend, and choosing an unexpected activity, location, or menu is a sure way to get your guests into the celebratory spirit! For most people, summer is about getting outdoors, being active, and hanging out with friends. So, we think it’s only fitting your summer rehearsal dinner have one, if not all, of those elements! There are countless ways to get your wedding weekend started, but here are 13 of our all-time favorite summer rehearsal dinner ideas that would be perfect for any style, any budget, and any size crowd!

OUTDOOR BARBEQUE

Is there a more classic combination than summer and barbeque? We don’t think so! That’s why an outdoor barbeque continues to be a favorite summer rehearsal dinner idea for low-key couples, families on a budget, or anyone who simply loves to eat BBQ. Set up some picnic tables in your backyard or in a park, add pretty centerpieces, simple place settings, and some lighting if it will be a nighttime dinner — think cafe lights strung through the trees or candles on every table. You can either cater food from your favorite BBQ joint or have someone work the grill. Add some lawn games or other activities to give your guests a reason to get up and mingle, and you’re all set for a night of classic summer fun!

TACOS & TEQUILA

Maybe it’s our Texas roots showing — or maybe it’s just that everyone loves tacos — but if there is something that screams summer more than an outdoor barbeque, it’s a fiesta with tacos and tequila! It’s one of the simplest yet most delicious meals with hundreds of different variations that can satisfy even the pickiest eaters. For a rehearsal dinner with more than 15-20 people, hiring a food truck is the way to go. It gives people options without putting the burden of cooking for a large group on anyone in the group. If you’re expecting a smaller crowd, though, we love the idea of a make-your-own taco buffet with all the fixing, chips, salsa, and queso. Rent a margarita machine for the night, and you’ve got yourself a fiesta!

ICE CREAM SOCIAL

An ice cream social has to be the sweetest (pun intended!) summer rehearsal dinner idea we’ve heard! Not only will it help guests beat the heat, but it’s a totally unexpected treat that everyone will love. Grab a few pints of your favorite flavors, make your own ice cream at home, or hire an ice cream truck for the night! Then create a build-your-own bar with candy, sprinkles, fresh fruit, chocolate sauce, caramel, and maybe some salty items for guests who love the sweet-salty combo. If you want to take it to the next level for your adult guests, set up an adult milkshake and float station where they can add their choice of liquor.

CAMP-INSPIRED PICNIC IN THE PARK

A picnic in the park is always a fun, super casual idea, but we love the idea of adding a theme to make it extra special for a rehearsal dinner. Because it is summer, you can’t go wrong with a camp theme that allows guests to feel one with nature and bring back some of those nostalgic summer camp days. Lay down blankets and pillows in the grass, set up small boho-inspired tents or umbrellas so guests can get some shade, and provide lots of cold beverages. You could even plan a few group games, like horseshoes or charades, to help guests get to know each other.

SEAFOOD BOIL ON THE BEACH

Shrimp, clams, sausage, potatoes, corn, sun, sand…yes to all of the above! If you live near a beach or are having a destination beach wedding, there’s no better way to get your guests into the spirit than with a seafood boil. Check your area for companies who provide all-inclusive services to set up, cook, and clean up to make your life easy. Or make it a multi-hour event with friends or family who know how to boil seafood and invite the rest of your guests to join when it’s time to eat. Just be sure to let them know to wear casual attire that they don’t mind getting a little messy. Check the beach rules to see if you can have a bonfire and, if you can, you should definitely end the evening with s’mores.

YACHT COCKTAIL PARTY

If you’re fortunate enough to have access to a yacht, why not make use of it for your summer rehearsal dinner? On your invitations, ask guests to dress in comfortable but nice attire and set sail a few hours before sunset. This will give you and your guests time to mingle, enjoy delicious cocktails, and watch the sunset over the water. Provide one or two signature cocktails for the evening and don’t forget a few snacks, such as meat and cheese boards, mini sliders, or shrimp cocktail.

BACKYARD GAME NIGHT

If you’re looking for a super low-key option for your summer rehearsal dinner, a game night is great but a backyard game night is even better to enjoy that summer weather! For a large group, have a few different game stations set up — board games on the patio, lawn games in the grass — and have a plan for getting guests to rotate between them. Order pizzas, set out bowls of chips, pretzels, and veggies with dip, and buy a few cases of beer and bottles of wine. Guests won’t be expecting anything fancy for an at-home game night, which means you can spend more time enjoying their company in a super low-key setting.

LATE-NIGHT DESSERT BAR

There’s no rule that dinner has to be part of a rehearsal dinner — it’s really just the traditional name we’ve given the event. So, if your guests are getting in late in the evening, plan a late-night get together with a variety of desserts instead. You could set this up at a local coffee shop or even at your home. Simply provide a variety of your favorite desserts, such as brownies, cookies, pies, or chocolates, and a few non-sweet items for guests who might not have a sweet tooth.

FONDUE PARTY

Fondue parties are fun all year round but they make for a great summer rehearsal dinner idea because they can be so informal and casual. Rather than a sit-down meal, set up one or two stations with different cheeses, bread, meat, potatoes, and veggies. Provide a couple of different wines that pair with the cheeses you select, and make sure to have plenty of extra napkins and fondue skewers on hand. If you want to add dessert, bring out the chocolate fondue later in the evening, and provide berries, marshmallows, graham crackers, and bite-size brownies for guests to dip. This would also be a great time to bring out a dessert wine or nightcap to ease your guests into the rest of their evening.

BEER TASTING

If you and your fiance are really into beer or you have lots of craft breweries nearby, a beer tasting is a great option for a summer rehearsal dinner. Most breweries can handle large groups, but make sure you call ahead to ensure space and availability for the day you choose. If a lot of your out-of-town guests have never tried your local craft beer or are new to beer drinking, this would also be a great time to book a brewery tour for the entire group to learn the ins and outs of the process! For couples who prefer a more personal rehearsal dinner experience, have a DIY beer tasting at your home instead. Choose a variety of your favorite brews, stock up on cups, and let your guests do side-by-side tastings of all your favorites.

ROOFTOP LOUNGE PARTY

Downtown dwellers might not have yards or parks that can accommodate a rehearsal dinner group, but they do have what most suburban areas don’t: a rooftop. If you can’t take your guests out to a green space, take them up to look out over the city with a chic rooftop lounge party. Set up cocktail tables they can stand around and lounge areas where they can sit, and keep the space open so they feel free to move around and mingle. Create the mood with background music to drown out the city noise and provide the same signature cocktails and finger foods you would at a traditional cocktail party. Because rooftops evoke a swankier vibe, make sure to tell your guests to dress for the occasion and opt for elevated (but simple) details, such as well-designed floral centerpieces, gold or rose gold utensils, nice plates, and real wine glasses rather than plastic or paper.

OUTDOOR MOVIE NIGHT

A rehearsal dinner should speak to your personalities just as much — if not even more — than your actual wedding. So, for the movie buffs and cinephiles, we can’t think of anything better than a movie night under the stars! If you have access to an inflatable screen, that’s amazing. If not, simply hang a sheet between trees or on a free-standing frame or project the movie on a solid-color, unobstructed area of your house. Set up lawn chairs, bean bags, pillows, and blankets in the yard for guests to lounge on. And no movie watching party is complete without the classic foods: popcorn, candy, sodas, pickles, nachos, and pretzels. You could even take it up a notch with a top-your-own popcorn bar with various toppings, such as flavored salts, flavored olive oil, seasonings, or even candies for those sweet-n-salty fans.

AL FRESCO BREAKFAST FOR DINNER

Last, but certainly not least, is the trusty breakfast for dinner option! For summer, you should definitely consider making it an al fresco affair. We love the idea of creating a classic, elegant dinner party setup with tea lights, floral centerpieces, nice place settings, and pretty linens to set the mood, but then serving classic breakfast favorites to keep the overall vibe casual and fun. For food, think family-style dining with egg casseroles, stacks of mini pancakes, plates of bacon, and a variety of pastries that can be easily passed and shared. For drinks, keep the theme going with customizable Bloody Mary’s or mimosas. End the evening with coffee and donut holes, and you’ve got yourself the perfect breakfast for dinner party!

[imogengraham]

3 Mar 2020 Bob’s Burgers

The American animated sitcom Bob’s Burgers is a television series created by Loren Bouchard for the Fox Broadcasting Company. It is a digital 2D animation created by Benzo Beans Studio. It debuted in 2011 and there are 10 series.

The series features the Belcher family, consisting of Bob and Linda and their three children Tina, Gene and Louise. Bob is a third-generation restaurateur and him and has family own and run a burger restaurant. All the characters are genuine and relatable, which I believe makes Bob’s Burgers all the funnier and loveable. 

Character Analysis 

Bob Belcher 

Bob Belcher is the protagonist of Bob’s Burgers. He is the owner of the restaurant Bob’s Burgers and is the husband of Linda and father to Tina, Gene and Louise. Bob is 6”1, 47 years old and has black hair. Bob is a cynical man, which contrasts his very happy-go-lucky wife. He has a dry humour and is a big fan of puns, making each ‘burger of the day’ a different pun - “The Human Polenta-pede Burger” “Texas Chainsaw Massa-curd Burger (comes with cheese curds)” “Fifth Day of Christmas Burger (comes with five golden rings of onion)”.  

Linda Belcher 

Linda Belcher is a very optimistic and enthusiastic woman. She is 45 years old, wears glasses, and has a sister, Gayle. She is happy, loving and caring for her family and friends. She loves to sing and entertain, and tries to host dinner theatre and running a bed and breakfast. As another protagonist of the story, she often counters Bob’s emotion and tries to lift him. She’s mostly very fun, but can occasionally snap, however her kind, peaceful nature makes this a rather comical ordeal - "Tammy can go sit in syrup. Let the bees get her.” "What a butterface.” Linda is also fond of booze - "I was gonna punch you, but I’m holding wine.” "I’ve only had half of four bottles of wine.” “I love showers and mornings and bologna and turtles and wine!”  

Tina Belcher 

Tina is the oldest of the children, being 13 years old. She is insecure, socially awkward, and battling the joys of puberty; which has her fantasising over boys, writing her own erotic fiction, and a keen liking for butts - "I'm going to write the most erotic, graphic, freakiest friendfiction ever.". She’s also obsessed with horses and has a horse-themed bedroom. She has black hair and glasses. Tina is another protagonist of the series, and often contradicts her own personality. She can be very awkward - causing her to release a loud, monotone groan – or she can be very confident in herself - “I am a smart, strong, sensual woman.” "Dad, if you believe you're beautiful, you will be. I did." Her siblings can often take advantage of Tina’s sweet, awkward nature and often take the mick out of her or override her authority –  Louise: “She’s autistic she can’t help it.”    Tina:     “Yeah I’m autistic”.  Bob:     “No you’re not autistic, Tina” 

Gene Belcher 

Gene, the fourth protagonist, is the second child and only boy. He is 11 years old and has black hair. He is a lot like his mum: care-free, friendly, and loves to entertain! He has a passion for music and is often carrying around a small keyboard. Gene is quite the joker, constantly telling jokes, pulling pranks, or making fart noises. He has little filter and will say what is on his mind. He’s very confident and will always speak up -      Gene: I’m a top.   Bob: You mean you’re on top.   Gene: No, I’m a top. 

Louise Belcher 

Louise, the last protagonist, is the youngest sibling at 9 years old. She has a mischievous and cynical personality and is often getting herself into sticky situation. She looks up to her father and has traditions with him that she cherishes. She believes she is an evil mastermind, and although she is very bright, she is still just a child and can get herself into trouble with older kids. She has a signature look – pink bunny ears - which she always wears and has no intention of taking off. She often does things that could harm the restaurant, like telling her classmates the restaurant serves human flesh, and creating an inappropriate burger of the day - “Hello and welcome to Bob’s Burgers. The burger of the day is the child molester. It comes with candy.” 

Other Major Characters 

There are a few more character in Bob’s Burgers who are integral to the story. The first being Teddy, a handyman and regular customer who believes he is best friends with Bob. The next is Mort, another regular customer who owns the neighbouring funeral home. Then there is Bob’s rival, Jimmy, who owns the restaurant Jimmy Pesto’s opposite Bob’s Burgers. They are constantly battling to have the more successful establishment. Linda’s sister, Gayle, often appears and is a hopeless romantic crazy cat lady. Another major character is Mr Frond, the children’s guidance counsellor at their school. There are then the childrens’ school friends Jimmy Jr, Zeke, Tammy, Andy and Ollie, Rudy, Alex and Jocelyn. Jimmy Jr, Andy, and Ollie are Jimmy’s children and Jimmy Jr is the boy Tina has a massive crush on.