#Test run on tumblr

[twilightsleepjunkie]

One Hard Pill to Swallow

Emmett was the most collected of all the Cullen children but he wasn’t calm or collected right now.

“Carlisle–”

Carlisle pressed the phone against his face and stepped out of the Emergency ward, into the hallway. His ears pricked as he listened to her screams in the background. “Is Esme hurt? Emmett, what’s wrong with her?”

“I don’t know,” Emmett spoke through his teeth. “That’s why I called you. Is today special or something?” Emmett could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen her break down. Usually it had something to do with her baby, but Emmett couldn’t think of anything that would have upset her like this.

Carlisle ran through the family calendar in his head, it wasn’t an important day that would set her off like this, it was just a normal Friday. “Where is she?”

“We’re at home, I didn’t want to leave her alone.”

“Stay where you are.” Carlisle demanded, already heading for the locker room, he’d hang up his coat, pass off his patients and be out the door. “I’ll see you in ten-minutes.”

—

Exactly eight-point-five minutes later, Carlisle’s Mercedes screeched to a halt in the driveway, and 2 seconds after that, he was inside the house. 

Something was wrong. The unnatural, suffocating silence emitting from the house, set him on edge. 

 Of the entire family, Emmett was the least likely to need him for anything, ever.  

“I can’t get her to come out and I can’t get in without breaking the house.” Emmett pointed towards the staircase. “She got quiet and in this house, that’s never been a good sign. She slowed down as soon as I called you.” 

There was always sound coming from Esme’s art room. She played soft classical music on the stereo system while she painted and when she was throwing pottery, 1960s love songs floated through the house. She was never loud, but there was always some level of sound coming from the room.

Then suddenly, there was nothing. No music, No gentle humming. Just silence, deafening and uncomfortable silence. The largest part of her breakdown was over.

Carlisle darted up the three flights of stairs, sliding on his heels when he reached the door to his wife’s art studio. He listened closely, waiting for some indication that she was in there. 

“Esme,” Carlisle called her name softly through the antique door and knocked twice before trying the handle. As expected, the glass knob wouldn’t budge. “May I come in?” 

He waited for a beat and heard the quiet snick of the lock and the door swung open.

Newspaper clippings were scattered across the hardwood floor, Carlisle had to step around them. He stooped onto the floor and grabbed one, but every headline said the same thing. Small Cemetery on the outskirts of Milwaukee: Land Reallocated’

“Oh no.”  

She’d moved to the floor for the extra space to spread out her research. Esme subscribed to all of the newspapers from the various towns the family moved to. It padded the recycling, helping them blend in with the rest of the community. 

What she’d found in Wisconsin, broke her. She wanted the floor to open underneath her so she could drop into the hole, allowing the uncertain aching darkness to swallow her whole and she would disappear.  She would never have to feel this kind of pain again.

When she finally spoke, “He’s gone.”  The hoarse whisper came from the corner of the room. Esme had wedged herself between the corner of her drafting table and the wall. She was hiding and still so afraid to take up too much physical space. Carlisle suddenly remembered the last time he saw her like this. Though it had been nearly 8 decades, the memory burned bright.

A year after her change, on the exact one year anniversary of her son's death Carlisle found her in the small coat closet, knees bent to her chest, dry-sobbing into a pillow so she wouldn’t be heard. Somehow, this was worse. Esme worked to keep the memories of her baby, they were so tightly intertwined with her vile first husband that she couldn’t think of one without the other.

The angular window cast a pathetic ray of sunlight over her head. A broken halo, over his angel. 

“Why are you here?”

“Emmett called.” If Carlisle’s heart could still move, it would have lurched into his throat when he saw her like that. 

“Carlisle–”

He cut off her argument and dropped down on the wood floor beside her. “You’re not alright.”

Though there were no tears, dark makeup smeared on her face and her hands. The collar of her shirt was torn and shallow pale lines marred her chest where she so clearly aimed to claw out her own heart. Folding himself into the small space with her, he pulled her into his lap and slid his hands over hers, holding them in place so she couldn’t reach for her chest again. With vampire strength, and Esme’s pristine manicure there was a real danger of her hurting herself.

“The city.” She choked out into the side of his neck. Chest heaving, hands shaking against him.

“Shh…” He stroked her back. “I got it, now.”  The evidence on the floor was all the information he needed.  

“They turned my baby’s grave into a parking lot!” The words tore out of her mouth in an angry hiss. Saying it aloud cemented the fact that her child’s final resting place was gone. She’d outlived her son, twice. 

The desecrated grave stood as a tangible reminder that in this semblance of a life, there was no place for fairness. Their never ending existence meant that they would always be the last people standing, while everyone around them died. It was the curse that came with immortality. 

Carlisle pressed his wife against his chest, helpless as she convulsed in his arms. Her hands clawed at her chest, screeching like steel on granite. 

“Stop trying to hurt yourself.” Carlisle locked her hands in his keeping them still. “Hold me,” he guided her hands to his shoulders and curled her fingers around either end of his scarf.  

 He held her tight as apologizes and pleas for forgiveness slipped through her sobs as she gasped for air and trembled.

“I left him there-”  

Carlisle knew there was no sense in reasoning with her, she didn’t need to be told that staying in Milwaukee would not have helped her son. Esme’s anguish couldn’t be reasoned away, it bubbled up like a pus infected boil needing to be lanced. 

“You’re forgiven.” He whispered into her hair, “I promise he forgives you.”

Sitting up slightly he grabbed the handmade quilt from the desk chair and covered her with it.  “Jasper.” Carlisle depended on Jasper’s enhanced hearing. “Help me.”  

 Carlisle kissed her hair, bereft of anything useful to do. All he could do was try to offer comfort. “I’m very sorry,” his words were not hollow, but she couldn’t hear him. Not really. “Both of you deserve better than this.”

 After nearly 80 years of marriage, he’d learned that sometimes all he had to do was shut up and hold her. Today was one of those days. The long-buried pain ran bone deep and he had no hope of ever truly alleviating her suffering. 

Her voice was frail when she could finally speak again. “My poor baby. I’m sorry.”

Carlisle, for the first time in a century, wished he could drug his wife. As a doctor he would’ve given her a xanax and put her to bed. But she needed this release and drugging her because it broke his heart seeing her so upset, would be selfish.

A minute later, Jasper was in the doorway. “You rang?”

“Can you make it easier on her?” She needed the release, he didn’t want to take it from her completely. “Calm her down gradually?” 

“I’ll try.” Jasper sat on the floor in the doorway, concentrating on Esme. A few seconds later, her breathing slowed and she’d stopped shaking.

“Breathe,” Carlisle pressed his palm against her chest, his fingers smoothed over her sternum as her eyes fluttered open. “Nice and slow.”

“He’s gone.” She blew out a breath, the hollow feeling in her chest weighing her down. “For real. He’s completely gone. What am I supposed to do, Carlisle? Leave flowers at a truck stop!”

“We’ll find another way. I promise, we will find a way to remember him.”

“That grave site was supposed to be permanent–suddenly–it’s not. He’s not here anymore and I don’t know how to do this.”

  “We’ll just  have to find another way…” he insisted,  but he couldn’t come up with a solution at the moment. The Cullens rarely stayed anywhere longer than a few years. Who could have foreseen that the little gravesite with the stone placard and  concrete angel wouldn’t be around for the next hundred years? 

He lifted Esme into his arms, letting her head rest on his shoulder, her breath tickled the side of his neck.“Mind your head, My Dearest,” he gently extracted her from the small space and held her against him, his long legs eating the short distance to their bedroom. 

****

“My poor boy,” the whispered words faded into the low light of the bedroom. The plush mattress dipped when Carlisle sat beside her, moving her hair out of her face. One finger ran back and forth against her cheek.

“His poor mother, too.” He kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger there.“I’ll be right back.”

Before she could ask where he was going, Carlisle was at her side with a warm, wet washcloth in hand. Carlisle was no stranger to washing wounds and all he could do was hope that Esme’s would start to heal.

“What are you doing?”

“You have makeup all over your face,” he explained, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear where it had slipped from her ponytail.

“Oh.” 

Carlisle washed the makeup from her eyes, he moved down the bridge of her nose and  droplets of water drifted down her chin were the closest she would get to real tears.

“Does it even count?” A shy, timid question that Esme didn’t want to hear the answer to.

 “Of course he counts.” He moved the cloth down her cheek, ever so gently;  slowly chasing the dark streaks of makeup that melted off her face. “You held him in your body, kept him warm, safe and well fed. You loved him because that’s what a mother does.”

“Not well enough.” She choked, still teetering on the verge of emotion. “Not long enough.”

“It’s not your fault.” He didn’t know what happened to her son, but he knew Esme to be certain that she’d had nothing to do with his death. 

“It was only three days.” There wasn’t enough time, she didn’t kiss her boy’s face enough times or watch his feet draw up when he slept. She didn’t get to read to him or even take him outside and let him feel the sunlight on his face. It wasn’t enough time, enough life to count herself as his mother.

“Joseph is your little boy. You nurtured him and loved him for as long as you had him, that doesn’t change.” He’d moved to her hands now, tenderly washing between each of her fingers and across her palms.

His hands slipped down her neck, barely grazing the nearly invisible self-inflicted wounds across her chest. 

“Let me take a look.”

“It’s fine,” she tried to pull away but his hand on her shoulder held her in place.

“No, Esme.” He turned on the bedside lamp and retrieved his doctor’s bag from beside the bed. “It’s not fine.” He insisted, angling a penlight so the light shone across her chest.  

“Carlisle please–”

“Answer the question, please. Does it hurt whilst I touch it?”

“N–” She sucked in a breath when his fingers prodded against her collarbone and down her chest.

“That would be a ‘yes’” He answered his own question, continuing to palpate the area.  “Please stop trying to hurt yourself.” There was no question she’d cut herself. A long jagged line stretched across her breastbone, over her unbeating heart.  

She didn’t deserve the pain and trauma of her human life. Now, her only tie left to that life was gone. 

****

When he was finished and the ruined makeup had been washed away, Carlisle laid down beside Esme, holding her close.  Her tangled curls falling across his chest. It was his fault for not keeping up with the gravesite. Carlisle knew he should have made it a priority to take Esme back to Milwaukee. The harrowing arrival of their grandchild and subsequent need to gather every vampire they’d ever had contact with; to confront the Volturi, took priority. Still, he should have made more of an effort to preserve the cemetery. Esme and Joseph did not deserve Carlisle’s negligence.

 Mere words of apology couldn’t fix this, she would tell him that it wasn’t his fault. Without another comment, she’d kiss him, comfort him while she was the one in dire need of tenderness, and drop the subject completely. Esme wouldn’t hold a grudge, she didn’t have a mental rolodex of his mistakes filed away for ammunition to use later. She would just forgive him.

Carlisle didn’t want to be forgiven.

“Lay back,” he pressed one hand behind her head, angling her face away from his, giving him a clear look at her chest. 

The venom washed up his throat, coating his tongue and he bent forward, sealing her wounds with his kiss.

[jazzandpizazz]

MY COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!!!

please please if you have ANY questions or want to order something, direct message me or email me at linmerc56@yahoo.com !!!

[neglectedgementar]

Undertale on Arcade Machine

[lukreziaaa]

Clara…my Clara.

[amaranthdahlia]

love valley - shigaraki brothers short pmv

[kogglyuffs]

hmm

aight you asked

[north-winds1]

You've chosen to fight the wild rivulet!

40 damage dealt

(1) turn remaining, 60 hp remaining

Part 1,

Part 2,

Part 3 (you are here),

The final turn,

This is how I'm calculating the damage/catch rate

Rivulet has 60hp (currently) and rolling the dice will = the number x ten which is then dealt in damage. Example : 4 is rolled = 40 hp taken

The catch rate goes up in 5 percent every 10hp it is lowered

Current catch rate = 25%

(Don't worry if rivulet doesn't get caught something else will happen)

[floralcavern]

The final one

[thefrogdalorian]

I had a dream we saw the first teaser trailer for the Mandalorian & Grogu movie!! It was grainy, leaked footage (the fact even my brain knows that will probably be how we see it first is hilarious).

Frog lady was on a surfboard(?) in somewhere that looked like the Mines of Mandalore with a bunch of bright red tadpoles swimming around her.

There was a lot of action and fighting, Din was taking down everyone in sight anD THE BESKAR SPEAR WAS BACK!!!!! At one point Grogu did a flip from behind him and took out an enemy too? It was epic.

I think I also remember there being a snow covered mountain of some kind?? Lots of aerial shots and pretty landscape. Not sure what that was about. I couldn't get much from the plot but if Frog Lady shows up in the Mando movie now... I manifested this...

[vithcy]

Good boy

[doom-dreaming]

Cheerful Oblivion

Thought that I was hungry for love… Maybe I was just hungry for blood. **********

I met a woman in a club once. Years ago. Can’t get her out of my head. If I didn’t still have the napkin with her number on it… Well. Would’ve been easy to assume I dreamed the whole thing up.

It was a miserable night to be out. Rain was coming down in buckets, flooding the streets. Could almost hear it over the music, pelting the roof. But there she was. Filling the entire doorway. No coat. No umbrella. Nothing but a black tank top and jeans that looked too tight to be comfortable. Soaked to the bone, dripping wet, faded blue-raspberry-bright hair plastered to her neck. She looked like she’d dragged herself straight out of the ocean. In hindsight, maybe she had.

********** England is only ever gray or green. The girls glitter, Striding glorious and coatless in the rain. I remember falling through these streets, Somewhat out of place, if not for the drunkenness… It makes my chest hurt to think of it, Not of regret, but of missing that… …cheerful oblivion… **********

I remember the way she stood there, caught under spotlight rays of blue and green, the rain on her face sparkling like diamonds… She looked like an angel. Could’ve been. Probably wasn’t. More than likely…something else.

She didn't belong there. In the club. I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. Maybe philosophical. She didn't really seem like she belonged anywhere. But I could see it in her eyes, almost fluorescent blue under the lights. To her, it didn’t matter where she belonged. What mattered was where she wanted to be. And she wanted to be there. In that club. On that night.

I’d never been afraid of being noticed by a beautiful woman. I craved it. Don’t we all? This was different. She was different. Never felt my blood run colder than the second our eyes locked. It felt like being hunted.

********** It was not all pain and pavement slick with rain, And shining under lights from shitty clubs, And doing shitty drugs, And hugging girls that smelled like Britney Spears and…coconuts… **********

She flowed through the crowd like water, parting the proverbial sea, leaving a wake of awestruck stares. If she knew she was the center of attention, she didn’t care. She was a full head taller than anyone else, a titan amongst mere mortals. Muscles rippled when she moved. Wet skin shimmered. I tried not to stare, I really did. Couldn’t help myself. I could’ve watched her for days.

She swept ashore at the bar, smelling like petrichor and oil slicks. Ordered a drink. Smiled down at me, sitting so small a million miles beneath her. There was nothing human about that razor-sharp flash of teeth.

She asked if I wanted another drink. Hadn’t realized I’d finished the one in my hand. I nodded. Couldn’t find my voice. Tab’s on me, she’d said. Not here for long, least I can do. After tonight, you’ll never see me again.

********** And with your mermaid hair and your teeth so sharp, You crawled from the sea to break that sailor’s heart. You only get one night upon the shore, So dance like you’ve never danced before. And the dance floor is filling up with blood, But, oh Lord, you’ve never been so in love… **********

I asked her where she was from. She laughed, a harsh bark of a thing that ripped out of her throat like it hurt. Nowhere. I asked for her name. She didn’t answer. But that animal grin flashed back, a bright white scar across her face. For no reason, I thought about moths. And flames.

We stopped talking. Kept drinking. Started dancing. God, the way she moved. Like a machine. Like a predator. Like a ballerina. Equal parts precision, power, beauty.

I couldn’t keep up. She didn’t seem to care. I was a prop. A plaything. An entertaining little toy, something to keep her distracted. From what, I didn’t know. But it didn’t matter. It felt like an honor.

********** And the mermaids they come once a year, They climb the struts of Brighton Pier, They come to drink, they come to dance, To sacrifice a human heart. And the world is so much wilder than you think. You haven’t seen nothin’ ‘til you seen an English girl drink… **********

I do still see her. Sometimes. In my dreams. In those hazy amber-clad memories. It’s hard to know what was real. Don’t know who she was. Or what she was.

Never did call that number. Not sure she’d really wanted me to. Probably for the best. I get the feeling that if we’d been in that club alone together… She would’ve eaten me alive.

And I think I would've let her.

[frostbitedoesstuff]

This animatic is a direct continuation of the Sampard chatfic I wrote a while back! If you’re reading this, GO READ THE CHATFIC FOR THE FULL CONTEXT! Once you’re done with that, if you’re interested in seeing how the story progresses (or are generally interested in Honkai: Star Rail), hit me with a follow at frostbitedoesfanart (or frostbitedoesart if you like my art in general!)

Written story to go with the animatic under the cut!

Huh. Gepard and Sampo had actually managed to have a civil conversation. It was one thing to talk over text, but speaking in person was an entirely different story.

As they sat on opposite sides of the staircase, Sampo pulled his legs up a bit, slouching over and resting his head against his arms. His emerald gaze met the icy blue of Gepard’s, prompting him to smile up at him.

The sight of Sampo smiling was familiar to Gepard. It was practically his default expression; no matter the circumstance, one could expect that look of faux innocence to be plastered on his face.

Gepard had always seen that smile as a tool of deception, but this time…this time, it was different. There was something about the way he was looking at him that felt genuine. More genuine than he thought was possible from someone like Sampo.

It should have been strange, unsettling, even…but for some reason, Gepard instead felt a sense of comfort wash over him. A reassurance that maybe he hadn’t slipped up by giving Sampo the benefit of the doubt; a hope that the conversation they had had before was as genuine as this smile was. Before he knew it, the corners of his lips twitched up into a smile of his own.

That caught Sampo off guard. So, so off guard. His smile faltered immediately as his expression shifted into a look of awe. Gepard was—…he was smiling?

Sampo had known Gepard for years. Not in the friendly sense, but you could at the very least say they were well-aquatinted from how often they saw each other. In all those years, he had never, EVER seen him smile. EVER. But, he was smiling now.

He was smiling at him.

He swore to the Aeons above that he could feel his face turning red at the sight of it. If he wasn’t actively trying to be respectful, he would have lunged forward and kissed him on the spot.

He didn’t deserve this, did he? He didn’t deserve any of this going as well as it was. In all honesty, he didn’t care about what he deserved, though; he cared about what he wanted, and what he wanted was for things to keep going the way they were. He wanted to see Gepard smile at him all day…

But for now, he would have to settle for this fleeting moment.

[kittiesarecuter]

I hate the modern internet, I'm getting a fucking headache. I hate trying to find art archives or complete comics and everything is linked back to a dead mega upload or imgr file. I hate trying to find a specific artist from 10's deviantart or tumblr but the search functions and purges have made it near impossible to find anything. I hate having pintrest be one of the most reliable sources for finding tagged archived art even though it's always posted with zero sources or the ability to find more than one from a set.

Every day I miss how open and easy and creative and energetic those years were. Most of the time when I talk to someone about the fan culture of 2004 - 2018 they immediately start talking about how cutthroat the social scene was as if that was entirely unique to the time and place and as if it was unavoidable. I don't know where to find anything on the internet anymore and it kind of feels like the infrastructure that allowed that amount of art and writing to flow just doesn't exist anymore.

It was bittersweet to look through forums that had only a handful of new posts since 2012 but at least I could still read them. Some of them I even joined and talked with the last few old guard that still checked it every week. But when it comes to art, writing, and comics of the era I can barely find the abandoned accounts. Other people have put the whole "dead internet" talk in better words with the whole funneling the whole of internet activity through a handful of app services but this is personal to me. It is genuinely depressing to see things get so much worse in so many ways in such a short amount of time.

I genuinely think I need to start building a server and learning how to mass archive & then host data for others because I'm in part terrified of how many gigabytes of work we've already lost to the either. It might be fan work and silly oc's but people poured their heart & soul, skills & hours into these things that shouldn't be deleted or made inaccessible because a boardroom decided making internal search engines pull up weighted results from a fixed time frame instead of just a list of all results was somehow better for revenue.

[yakutarts]

Animation go brrrr

Final one, I love this

I love it I love it I love it

First animation Second animation

[eggl-rd]

july-august2023 sketchbook pt2

[foreignobjecticus]

Having lots of hobbies is great! No matter how much you achieve in a day, you will always also have the Guilt of 'I should be doing Other Hobby' gnawing at your insides. :)