#Tbh that's just for my own blog organization they are WAY too far down to show up in a search otherwise

[herdivineopulence]

the feeling of Frustration

Its 1:23am on a Sat night / Sun morning and I am feeling frustrated. I wrote and posted my first blog post on Tumblr in two years and was feeling happy about it but then was doing some research on how I can organize my blog to where I can post about different topics and put them in their own categories which lead me down a rabibit hole of not much satisfying information and a whole lot of ppl talking about other platforms for blogs like Wordpress and bluehost etc, and the thought of it made me extremely tired that I let out a huge groan. In human design, that right there is a sign for me to STOP.

As a manifesting generator with emotional - solar plexus authority, the sounds my gut makes is key for me to make the right choices and decisions. Tuning into my body and listening to how i am feel is extremely important. Decision making with our minds is not something as humans we’re really suppose to use ( per se ) but really to just process information. So for me, the sounds and feelings my gut / solar plexus makes is very important. Noises are tall tell signs of a yes or no response to a question on what choice to make.

“mmm, ooous, yesssss, uh huh” are all examples of a yes! followed by the feeling of excitement.

“mm mm, uh uh” grunts and moans followed by fatigue or frustration are all signs of a no. Uncertainty, is a no for RIGHT NOW / Not Yet. That means to wait for more clarity.

In a world where we have been programmed to do things we have no desire of doing, its kind of hard to shed all that and align to your body’s natural compass. As I write this I am extremely tired, but I also just ate lol so it could be the “itis”. But I am def feeling frustrated bc I have this vision for how I want my blog to look but I don’t know where to start or how to get it there. (Something i keep forgetting is that I don't have to worry about the "HOW" but only what i want)

I Love Tumblr but there’s things I need that I feel like I can’t do on this platform. TBH its probably bc I just don’t know how to do it yet but I kinda want my own website again, but the thought of making one has me feeling this way. Tired and not wanting to do it so I’m not LOL. Thats what inspired this post because this is something I can share here. 

I also am extremely tired of working and not having enough money to do what I want to do. I need a new car, I’m moving and I am traveling a lot this summer. I am tired of depending on outside sources other than myself for income. I’m still home living with my parents so I’m preparing to move out for the second and (hopefully) final time, and I just want to be doing something great already! Thats why I’m going to continue to post here no matter what. I have to share my knowledge. I have to share my journey and experience bc I know I’m not alone. I know as ppl in our 20 something’s we are struggling to figure it out. I am very much grateful for everything so far bc it all has gotten me to this point and I know that I am at the verge of the life I desire. A life of satisfaction. 

Thats our signature, SATISFACTION. Not being satisfied means you are doing something wrong or its time to pivot. It's called "our not-self". You have to change whatever it is you are currently doing, wait to see what shows up in your world to respond to that’s super exciting and lights you up inside. As a generator, (Manifesting generator is a generator too) you naturally have the ability to attract the things you want to yourself. Think of yourself as a vacuum, or a planet pulling things to into its orbit. Thats what the universe / God is constantly doing for you! Always presenting you with different things to see which one you respond to and makes you happy aka satisfied. We will go more into depth in my next post for those that do not know what I am talking about LOL. But long story short I am following my design. 

If you want to see how i level up my life, follow me on this journey, lets figure this out together! If you have any questions feel free to message me. I am going to start offering my knowledge to ppl personally. I am also ready to do spiritual readings and consultations. There is a few ppl in my life that I am helping with their level up and overall journey to a life of satisfaction as well. I am super confident that I now have the skills and gifts to not only elevate myself but also those around me, near and far!

Cheers to my second post!

TTYL, BESOS ;*

~ aurora

[tonyglowheart]

I just read a blog of yours mentioning your preference against fics portraying Yan Wuhsi as a softie, and I am interested in reading fics that you did like. Could you kindly share some fics you've come across where Yan Wushi's characterization remains true to his core traits?

I don't remember what exactly I said in that post lmao but I gotta be honest.... I've been super picky about yanshen fics, and yeah yeah bold of me to be so picky when there's so little food (there's literally only 25 pages of EN fic that are over 1k words lmao..), but also. tbh of the fic I did test-run, I only have, like, a handful or so bookmarked, and for the most part they top out at like a 3, 3.5 as far as hitting what I'd want out of a Qian Qiu fic or like, hitting the characterization points I think should be in a good QQ fic

The one fic that I'd give a 4 is so because it's an actor AU and I like those as an indulgence, I wouldn't say it's necessarily THE most in character, but it's sort of like... along the lines of the donghua as far as in-characteredness.

I think the one fic that I feel like (to me!) is the most in character for Yan Wushi is this one:

And, like, it's a Shen Qiao POV fic lmao. But I think it manages to capture something very interesting that, after writing the last two posts I did lol, has also helped me figure out something about how I interpret Yan Wushi vs how I think other ppl do as to defining what it is exactly that I think some people don't "get" about Yan Wushi. (But if I do write more about this in detail, I think it'd probably be in a new post lmao because the paragraph under this is half-typed out before this edit and I think I've already evolved my opinion/how to define my interpretation again lol.)

But yeah- A lot of the other fics to me just like... don't seem to "get" Yan Wushi - if he's too shmoopy or lovey dovey, that's not really his way imo. If there's anything making him feel or express regret, especially for the Sang Jingxing thing, then that also isn't it for me either - because explicitly, he doesn't regret it. (and tbh lmao, I can see why he wouldn't? Like I just pinned down that by Chap 23/24, SQ already has a marked shift towards YWS even if maybe he doesn't realize it, but I think for YWS he's still very much in, like... still in his bonsai-experimenting phase with SQ. Because at that point, SQ still HASN'T fully realized the potential of the ZhuyangCe yet, so he ISN'T (yet) on Yan Wushi's level. Which means that he's not yet Yan Wushi's peer, and at this stage, he's still treating SQ rather more like an experiment to see how far he can push him and where exactly his bottom line might be. (I think, though, unfortunately we'll find that Shen Qiao has perhaps a different bottom line with Yan Wushi than with, say Huo Xijing, but that's yet another matter again.)

(this is the other fic btw lol, where it's like, both a guilty pleasure kind of AU for me and also enough of an AU that I can deal with it being a sort of eau de cologne of characterization vs like a full on parfum if you get my analogy here lmao:

so... sorry, I don't really have a good answer for you here! except that I'm maybe too picky for a fandom with limited food in the Anglophone-sphere lol;;

[slimeyoldman]

1. Rick for sure, I like everyone in the family tho ! My favorite specific Rick's are Toxic(because he's awful and very very short sighted, idk i just think he's interesting in a sopping wet pathetic way.) and Flesh Curtains era(because let's be real how am I going to look at a 30 something grungey drunk and not be obsessed. thats like, some of my favorite people irl.)

2. I don't think it matters! Probably space beth, but eh 🤷‍♀️

3. No not canonically. I think it'd be really fun tho and I like all the theories. Ricks do mess around tho, hes a horndog and the citadel exists, a huge conglomeration of Him, i think it happens more often then it seems to.

4. Tilda. I will not elaborate.

5. Errh idk! A lot i guess. Theyve said before they want the like, classic adult cartoon run time(think futurama, family guy, simpsons), so as many seasons as humanly possible if the writers get their way. I think they step on their own toes a little since they seem to toggle between wanting to be an episodic sitcom, but ALSO a serial scifi thriller. I dont think theyve done badly in that regard so far, but theres absolutely aspects of both that are suffering because of the other's presence.(plot inconsistencies n that kinda thing.)

6. Smash, it would be a bad decision for both of us, but itd be fun !

7. Does the galactic federation count? Probably not since its an organization, but for sure that one. Super interesting stuff u can do with space bureaucracy(bc im boring) and state-sponsored violence. But as for an individual, I really really like Beths mytholog, that whole concept is really cool, and her design is hella badass lol. Also i guess Toxic Rick is a villain too !

8. oof I've tried to figure this out and i dont think i can narrow it down, but i really like Rattlestar Ricklactica, Vat of Acid, and a Rickle in Time.

9. uhh idk the one with the giant incest baby? I didn't enjoy Story Train either tbh. I don't think any of the episodes are like, unwatchably bad, but theres absolutely a few I skip when i rewatch the show.

10. I don't care about story lord like, at all. hes just. deeply uninteresting. Not a huge fan of Mr. Poopybutthole, but i think i just thought we were reminded of him too often.(i liked the intervention episode well enough tho)

11. Oh man this is hard to answer cuz hes just done So Much. Like, guys a shithead. The reckless disregard for innocent bystanders is pretty bad. I think it sucks when he orchestrates situations in which morty has to lethally defend himself, and then totally disregards his feelings(which is literally all the time lmfao). like, the kids 14. His casual manipulation of Beth is super fucked, cuz he knows how much he means to her and he exploits that. yeah idk, guys just a pos all around lol

12. Dated question, luckily no! I think the new voice actors are great :3

13. All the rnm blogs i follow are badass as hell. idk how to pick ill prob edit this l8r

14. Can I say rick without sounding like a total loser. mentally ill, substance abuse issues, ruled entirely by emotions, hedonistic while paradoxically engaging in self-harm/hatred. nihilistic(silly flavor). freaked out by commitment/attachment. the party friend(as opposed to someone you invite for brunch or to meet ur parents). also science is cool.

15. the entire "...couldn't let a dead snake be dead even after it bit his ankle, next time stay in the fucking car!" monologue. and the "a vat of fake acid are you Dying of Dementia?!" fight.

16. i havent finished my brackets yet ill get back to you.

17. same as above.

18. man idk probably. i dont actually watch it in a way that supports them(financially) anyway, but that would suck balls cuz its a fixation of mine.

19. done to death probably but mortys "come watch tv?" quote is my fave. it reads to me as incredibly reassuring. optimistic nihilism. like, "nothing means anything, nothings a big deal, lets chill and enjoy it while we can." ya know? like dying is the same as before you were born, and Everyones gonna do it, but we're here together right now, so lets eat pasta and get a little drunk.

20. i know hes doing his own thing but can i be snowball. hes cool and empathetic and capable of growth, also i wanna see how the dog utopia is going.

20 SHORT-ANSWER* RICK AND MORTY QUESTIONS FOR YOU:

*You can write long answers, if you'd like! Feel free to skip questions, too!

Who is your favourite Rick and Morty Character?

Which Beth is the clone: Domestic Beth or Space Beth?

Do you think that Rick-C137 and Rick Prime were previously romantically involved?

What do you think would be a good name for Birdperson and Tammy's daughter?

How many seasons do you think Rick and Morty will eventually have?

Rick C-137: smash or pass?

Who is your favourite Rick and Morty villain?

Your favourite Rick and Morty episode?

Your least favourite Rick and Morty episode?

Who is your least favourite Rick and Morty character?

What is, in your opinion, the worst thing that Rick C-137 has ever done?

Do you think that Rick and Morty will be affected substantially by having to change the voice actor for Rick and Morty and a bunch of other characters?

What's a good Rick and Morty blog?

Who is the Rick and Morty character that you relate to the most?

The funniest Rick and Morty bit/scene, in your opinion?

Best Rick and Morty season?

Worst Rick and Morty season?

Would you stop watching the show if Justin Roiland returned?

Your favourite Rick and Morty quote?

If you had to be one member of the smith family in the next season, who would you want to be?

[chaoticfandomcat]

Round and Round they Go

@wolfcamellias @wolfloupen I tagged both but I did say I was gonna end up writing something with Valley AU and Teacher!Wukong. Once I started writing it ended up. So much longer than I expected.  (1.7k words, I did not make enough circle puns in this. Minor warning about allusions to the pain Wukong felt from the circlet. Nothing graphic but there is some description. Also added some bonus stuff at the bottom I found while researching the circlet a bit when writing this.) 

Wukong toyed with the small monkey figure under his desk as he passively listened to the debate going on beside him. As much as he tried to steer the topics away from it, they always seemed to circle back around to, well, the circlet.

Pressed, squeezing, burning, digging into his skull making it impossible to—

It wasn’t hard to guess why, it was one of those topics that sparked a lot of thought and branching topics that would link back to it. He was glad they had gotten better at keeping it civilized, but there was only so many times he could hear them talk…

Pain. Pain. Pian. Pain. He just wanted to claw it off and and –

“What would the alternative have been?”

Wukong carefully unclenched his hand and stored the little figure back in his desk. Maybe fully listening would keep his mind within the moment.

“Wouldn’t the threat of a punishment, like being tapped under the mountain have sufficed?”

“It wouldn’t have been an immediate threat! Plus, only the Buddha could do that.”

“So do you have an idea for an alternative since you brought it up?”

Names and faces were blurring to him as he just tried to listen to what they spoke of. He was sure he knew them all, but his mind did not want to let him put names and faces together.

“The band wasn’t the issue. The issue was how it was used.”

“So are you blaming the Monk?”

The words were on the tip of his tongue before the other student spoke up again.

“No. Well, not exactly no. He’s human. Plus, the Monkey King had a history of killing people to remove the threat. It was what cause their first argument.”

“That means he was open to help, there had to be other ways”

“Open to help, but not yet open to all the teachings. The goal was to provide a lesson, albeit a painful one, but a lesson none the less.”

“Why do you think they picked Monkey King at all?” Another student interrupted, pressing on when the others turned to them, “There had to be lots of other possible demons, or if they had really seen him as too dangerous, he didn’t have to be let go”

“Maybe they saw potential in him? He had undergone teaching before!”

“Yeah, and most of what he did was just in retaliation to being treated badly!”

“Exactly!” The first student, who had brought up the alternative question, joined in again, “Retaliation! He acted out! Plus think about what he knew!”

“What do you mean?”

“He grew up around monkeys, demon monkeys but monkeys none the less, it’s not as if he’d have known any human customs and rules or laws.”

That was…a new direction. They were getting very off the generalized topic, but it was different from what usual came up Wukong was interested to see where it went.

Anything to keep his mind off the pain. Off that. Off his brain wanting to.

“What about when he went for teaching? He had human peers then.”

“And was there any talk about him doing anything bad.”

“He got kicked out.”

“For showing off, not for say, injuring another student.”

“We have had a habit of assuming the Monkey King would fight first, ask questions later.” A different student spoke up. They were usually a quieter one. Names were still escaping him, but he was starting to remember the smaller habits of each.

“Most of the time he had to fight though didn’t he? The demons weren’t exactly open to talking or set in eating the Monk.”

“What about all the havoc he caused in heaven? They would have been open to talk.”

“Retaliation remember? That and the heavens originally wanted to be rid of the Monkey King, but he was too powerful and they were scared.”

“Fear does cause things to be done irrationally.”

“Also we…” The student trailed off, some of their gumption wilting before they spoke again, “Can we split into new groups? I. I want to know something.”

They all turned and looked at Wukong who blinked remembering he was the teacher here. They may all be adults, at least in human terms, but he was the authoritative figure here.

“Go ahead, just keep track of the time. And no fighting.” He pointed his pencil at all of them and specifically locked eyes with a few of the students he remembered, now if only the names would come back to him, would get a little heated at times.

“Left for yes, right for no, is the Monkey King, or at least was he, evil?”

Ah, another debate that would come up frequently with the circlet. Afterall, to deserve the circlet the wearer must be evil.

The divide was more even than it usually was, he wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but his emotions settled on quietly disagreeing. He already knew the answer, for unlike some of the other topics this one had an answer, and the answer was—

“Does it count if he was ignorant?”

“What do you mean ignorant?”

His thoughts tuned back into the debate, he himself leaning forward on his desk wondering where the topic of the question was going.

“It’s not like he knew it was bad. And for everything he knew it wasn’t…. evil, maybe not correct but no one ever told him it was wrong otherwise!”

“He is known for being a trickster. Plus all the ones he fought before were immortal beings! Anyone else he killed was worse than him.”

“Didn’t have any reason to hold back. That and you wouldn’t call a hunter evil for providing food for his family right?”

“I guess not…”

“That and he was usually right! They just didn’t believe him!”

“It’s true. And it makes sense with what was said earlier, about change and all. Just because the Monkey King was told he shouldn’t doesn’t mean he would change his thinking right away.”

“Killing people, any people in this case, was considered wrong! Even if they posed a threat, like the bandits!”

“That was mentioned as the first incident, wasn’t it? I mean I would also be a little suspicious towards someone if I knew they saw that as an okay method for removing a problem.”

“Another debate maybe, but it wasn’t always explained to him either.”

“Explained?”

“I mean uhm…” The student glanced at Wukong who offered a comforting smile in return, they nodded before turning back and marching on, “Every time the circlet was used was usually due to the Monk being convinced the Monkey King was wrong…right?”

“More or less yeah I think so.”

“So, how would you react if you got punished for being right?”

“Angry probably. I was right and I’m still being punished for it? No wonder he had to be convinced to come back each time.”

“Yeah but, if we think about it in terms of how the Monk would have seen it…. take the incident with the Bone Demon. It’s not impossible for the Monkey King to have been able to set up a scene like that right?”

“He was extremely powerful, I guess he could have.”

“Right and we established earlier killing any human was bad, even if said human had evil intentions themselves.”

“Oh I think I see where you’re going! Can I finish it off?” Another student chimed in, leaning their seat back and forth in excitement. At the nod from the previous one they took over, “At minimum with the Bone Demon incident the Monkey King killed a human! Which is a no no. But since we all know for a fact it is a demon, it seemed like the punishment was given unfairly!”

That was…another new perspective. Wukong hadn’t thought back to the more particular incidents where the spell was cast.

Pain pain pain pain.

“I would bet any one of us here would also react similarly,” Wukong couldn’t drown in memories now. Maybe he should put a stop to this debate? Time had to be running short, “Knowing for a fact we’re right but getting punished? I wouldn’t have even bothered to think about what lesson it was really trying to teach.”

“To circle back around, yes I did the pun on purpose, on if the Monkey King deserved it… I also want to ask again but in a different way, what else could have worked?”

“They…have a point. Nothing else could hold down or stop the Monkey King. He was an immortal and indestructible demon. Maybe it still wasn’t the best method but…”

“It was the quickest way. If not for the misinformation being told to the Monk, the Monkey King picked up on the new wrong and right really quickly.”

“And it’s not like any of the others had experienced it either…sure they could have been told but it’s different from experiencing it isn’t it?”

“And they also viewed him as a powerful and terrifying demon! Just because they saw it caused him pain doesn’t mean they could judge how much it was to th—”

“And that’s time everyone,” Wukong brought their attention to him as he stacked some of the books on his desk to take home, “You all did good this time around, next time though each side should try and stick to the side they’re on even if you start thinking otherwise.”

“Are you sure we can’t stay a little longer?”

“Not this time. I have something I need to do, but if you all meet elsewhere I can’t stop you,” He joked at them even as he flexed his hands to keep them from clenching. “Really, next time though it is good practice to still defend the side you first joined. Never can be sure if all the information given is correct.”

The students looked at him a little puzzled and a few were starting to ask what he meant before he cut them off, “I’ll explain to you all next time. For now, all of you go home. I wasn’t kidding about having something to do.”

“That’s a first.” The comment sent a wave of laughter through the class as they packed up and headed out, saying their goodbyes to Wukong as they went.

In the quiet of the classroom, after all had left, with only the ticking of the clock. Wukong took out the small wooden figure once more.

Bitter. Cold. Frustrating. It wasn’t a wonder why the circlet happened.

So why did that seem harder to understand? =========================================================== Fun facts! While writing this I found this site which talked about how in a version of JTTW that predates the one we know The Monkey King sought out the Monk on his own to help him in the journey.  The circlet being more of just a crown he had and not the tightening band we all know it as now. It’s an interesting read :Oc  All their sources for the article are listed at the bottom, but if nothing else the most popular interpretation had turned into what we know today  That and I had other ~*thoughts*~ on why something that would cause pain would be used for teaching, related to the time period and all, but I never actually did enough research to know if it would fit with my thoughts That and as the story is actually history in the world Wukong is in those thoughts do not work xD. 

[softcallofdutyimagines]

Sorry if I request too much lol. I really love your writing. If you haven't wrote this yet, could you do headcannons of the safehouse crew (or just Adler, Woods, and Hudson if the whole crew is too much) with an S/O who feels unlovable?

Aw, of course I can. But just so you and all my followers know, everyone is worthy of love, even if you yourself may not feel it, I promise it's true :) I love each and every one of you, this blog and these writings are as much for you guys as they are me.

You are seen. You are valid. And you are loved, more then you may know 💖

Adler

This man knows exactly how it feels to consider yourself unlovable

He's divorced for Christ's sake...

Honestly, he's not sure he could receive a bigger "fuck you", let alone a "no one will love you"

Alder's lived with that pain for quite some time, the dreaded voice nagging in the back of his mind that his wife was right

That he'll never be enough, he'll never find someone to love him...

And those horrible scars on his face seal her words and his thoughts like venomous sting, a curse that will never be lifted

Too old, too ugly, too broken...

Why would anyone want him?

Words cannot describe how awestruck he was when he met you, let alone when you two became official

He does all he can to makes sure you never feel the way he has, rejected and discarded, but sometimes...

Adler feels so helpless when you feel that way, but all he can do is try to reassure you and sit with you on it

He'll do or bring whatever you ask, but he finds it most comforting to hold you until you feel steadied again

Hudson

Some may experience the sensation of feeling unlovable now and then, and certainly, he doesn't mean to invalidate that, but...

Hudson knows a thing or two of having every damn person he meets treat him as such

He knows he's a callus guy, and maybe the choice he makes for the betterment of most doesn't settle with the conscious of the few

He knows he's not one for socializing or engaging conversation like seemingly everyone else in this damn organization

But does he really deserve the shunning and disrespect most everyone directs at him?

He's not sure, to be honest...

You see, that changed when he met you however

Finally, someone who loved him for him and didn't cast him aside or treat him as less when things got tough

You are the most lovable and worthy of love person in his entire life, perhaps that he's ever even met

It breaks his heart to hear you feel otherwise

He's not very good with fancy, soothing words, so he hopes holding you and telling you he loves you while kissing you softly will be enough

He'll stay with you as long as you need, because nothing matters more to him then your wellbeing

Lazar

Now this big guy has a bit of a different angle then most of the others on here

He's friendly, kind, and all around a lovable person

He doesn't know much at all about how it feels to be rejected or denied affection

At least, not in a serious, traumatizing way that is

Admittedly, it's a bit hard for him to understand how you can feel that way

After all, you're the most wonderful, amazing person in his entire life!

He loves you deeply, whole and completely, through and through with every fiber of his 6'4, 240 lb frame

But, just because he doesn't understand doesn't mean he doesn't want to take the time to learn

He wishes he could shield you from all the hurt and pain that's in this awful world, and if he could take it all on for you, he would in a heartbeat

But for now, he listens to your feelings and provides a shoulder to cry on if you need it

Lazar tries to instill a sense wantedness and belonging in you by trying to take you out to little dates and places you love

Anything to show you that he hears you, sees you, and wants you to know that he cares for your interests and desires

Mason

Oof, honestly I'm not sure anyone on this list seems themselves as truly more unlovable then Alex

If we're being completely honest, he doesn't even love himself after all

He seems to be a mean to an ends wherever he goes

Someone's tool to accomplish their own, selfishly motivated goals

The Soviets, the CIA, the Military... It doesn't matter

The things something like that does to you, it's...

It fucks you up

Even when he does meet you, things are slow going to start a relationship

But once he's confident in his standing with you, there's no one he trusts, confides in, or loves more in the whole world

That said, it pains him to hear you feel that way, especially because he knows exactly how you feel

Mason isn't sure how to comfort you really, considering he finds most of his comfort in being with an s/o, but he hopes to provide reassurance through being present for you

He's a thoughtful listener and can provide a hug, kiss, or cuddle whenever you need

Park

Park is a bit of the odd one out tbh

She's had nagging whispers of doubt that's she's unlovable, mostly thanks to her scar, but she never seems to really buy into them

And, as far as she's concerned, why should she?

She's intelligent, successful, friendly, and a whole list of other approachable, inviting traits

But, she does underrated where you're coming from when you tell her how you're feeling

All she knows is what she would want to receive when she's feeling low and in that dark place

She may give that a try if you're feeling unable to communicate, but she will always try to respect your needs and ask what she can do for you first

If you can't conjure the words, she'll bring you a nice glass of water and sit with you, hip to hip, until you feel a little more soothed

Sims

Sims is a guy who's lived his whole life as a drifter

The key point however, is that this is by his own choice

He's never really allowed himself the opportunity to feel unlovable because he never puts himself in such a position in the first place

When he feels lonely, he hopes on to the next person

When he feels smothered, he finds the smoothest way possible to create distance

You however, are his first real romance and he's determined to see this one through for as long as possible

The idea of feeling totally and completely unlovable is a foreign concept to him and he, like Lazar, will need a bit of guidance to understand your feelings

But nonetheless, he's happy to learn and wants to support you to the best if his ability

He most likely takes the same route as Lazar anyways, and tries to plan bonding style activities for when you're feeling down

His hope is that doing something to bring you both closer together might help you in the long run one day

Woods

You know, he's not as emotionally unintelligent as most people seem to think

Deep down, when he has time to reflect, he does get that sense of being unlovable

He's so just fucked up

And that's not even scratching the surface

Who'd want him, right?

Now, he doesn't usually feel that way is the thing

But when he gets with you and you express similar feelings...

He can understand at least

God, he'd do anything to keep you from having to feel that way...

He does whatever he can to try and show his love

Through deeds, through words, whatever it may be

Sometimes he just wishes he could punch the bad feelings away

But not everything is a physical issue, and some things have to be learned through trial and error

Woods wants nothing more then to please you and you'll find an adaptive, quick learner in him

Once he gets on track, a favorite tactic of his is to provide physical comfort through warm blankets and long cuddling sessions

[shiishki]

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Ok

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

[seyaryminamoto]

I recently saw a video where GRRM talked about how he saw two different kinds of writers. He mentioned the gardener(planting the seed of an idea and letting it grow) and the architect(who plans out and organizes everything ahead of time). Obviously, every writer is a little bit of both but I was wondering which you relate to more and if you’d be willing to share some more about your own writing approaches and processes :)

I think I've answered similar questions in the past, but it'd be near impossible to dig it out in this ridiculously big, chaotic archive of my blog xD so I guess I'll answer it again, and if we come across the previous answers I've given, it'd even be fun to compare if there's anything different in the answer these days (?)

Personally, I think the best way to go about this is to have a mix of both things, but for me, it's in a very specific manner.

While I absolutely see the value in letting a story spiral and grow into whatever it wants to be, I have to say I don't think my best work comes from that. The lack of structure is similarly liberating and dangerous, because if your story's purpose isn't something you, as an author, have really made up your mind about, it's 100% possible that the story will end up going in very strange directions that MIGHT not make much sense, when you look at where you started out.

I've told this story a few times, but it bears repeating xD my first "serious" attempt at writing (by which I mean, I took it seriously, not that the content itself was super serious, since it was a trainwreck more often than not xD) started off as a perfectly happy romcom high school story! And tbh, to this day I love it as it is... but I know, I KNOW, that I totally warped the initial purpose and process of the story when, upon fulfilling the first bit of conflict in the story and leaving some massive loose ends I had to wrap up, I found myself at a loss because I had no idea how to continue. I was seriously, genuinely, at a loss for ideas and storylines to keep going. What, then, did I come up with?

... my happy romcom characters ended up embroiled in an organized crime catastrophe that has ZERO build-up in the first part of the story xD

(To the eagle-eyed who might have picked up something here... yes. That is 100% what I was poking fun at through Yang in Gladiator during the Fire Lord's Shadow arc. Yes. I mock myself. More accurately, I make Azula and Sokka mock my most questionable writing choices :'D)

Now, then, I had a very weird mess in my hands and I admit, it wasn't a great place to be at xD you see me now with my very, very small likelihood of falling into writer's block? Well, back then, I spent more time blocked than writing, for sure :'D and one of the reasons why that happened is because, while I had some ideas for what I wanted to write in the future? I didn't really have a set direction beyond "I want these and these characters as endgame relationships!", which is pretty much the most basic level of "plotting" you can pretend to do, as a writer xD And ironically, even then I was far more malleable and willing to experiment with whatever character combinations came up later, which even resulted in me discovering, well into writing a story, that some characters I absolutely did NOT conceive in a relationship were actually pretty good together! :'D

But that I had very little direction when I started writing that story was still a problem. I actually found more direction and built some more structure as I reached the last part of the story, and I will say, it's the strongest bit of it, by far xD (as evidence of what I'm saying, it was the first time I ever wrote an OUTLINE DOC! XD) but I have no doubts that, if I'd had the foresight to actually know where I was going, the story as a whole would be much much better, no matter how much I love it for what it is.

So! This particular writing experience of mine taught me countless things, among them, to actually ponder direction and purpose in stories instead of diving in blindlly. It's not really about having foreshadowing hints every ten minutes, which is what some people take as a sign of quality (I'll dare be quite controversial and say that not because you know what you'll write ten years down the line does it mean your story automatically makes sense... xD), it's about actually having a purpose in what you're building, a real direction, character arcs and plotlines that, to put it simply, work.

Therefore... I know for a fact that I can't be a full-blown plantser (or gardener) because I've tried it, and while I absolutely see the merits, the drawbacks are pretty sizable for me, and it just really doesn't work with my approach to storytelling.

Thus... If I MUST choose a category out of them both, I'd say I'm an architect, but the truth is I'm not an architect in the most strict sense of the word, either :'D

If you want a super strong building, you obviously need the best foundations for it. But you don't stop there, of course: erecting a building takes a lot of different efforts and processes if you really want your building to not only stand tall but to be a proper, decent place to live in. And while in real life, the reasonable thing would be to have a plan for each of those little details you have to build in, from filling the walls, to the type of flooring, down to even the decor... in writing, THIS is where I take the gardener approach! :'D

I don't know if I've said it in the past, but while sometimes I don't know how to start a story (which, despite my carelessness with the matter in the past, I've come to realize is a VERY delicate choice to make, one that can actually destroy my immersion in a story if it's a choice made carelessly), usually, I try to make myself think about where it's going, first of all. Currently, I have a few potential original projects rolling around in my head... and I don't know where they start :'D but I DO know where I'll take them, what the actual, ultimate climax of those stories would be. This, then, is the most basic foundation for a story, for me. I choose a destination, kinda, and then build the journey there :D

This is, loosely speaking, how I've built up Gladiator. And yet Gladiator, being the ridiculously big mess that it is, required a very unique plotting approach that I suppose might be at odds with a lot of what I've said so far xD yet it also remains true to a lot of what I've said here :'D

When I first started to ponder this story, the first plot point was obvious and instinctive: Sokka's capture. When Chaosconetic (the one who first gave me the idea for this story) suggested it, he didn't quite put forward the idea of having Azula being the one who captured Sokka personally. I thought of making Azula and Sokka first come face to face in this way because... honestly? Because I just wanted them to interact as soon as possible x'DDDD it complicated matters, of course, but that was absolutely something I could work with.

Yet... where was I going with this story? It was a rewrite of ATLA as a whole, so what exactly was the direction for the story? Clearly, Azula and Sokka would wind up falling in love, and how exactly would that come about? And beyond that, wouldn't it be a seeerious mess for this to happen in a setting where Ozai is STILL in power? Why, of course it would be! :'D It added a new layer of complications to the generally already complicated Sokkla relationship, and instead of it being kept secret or being a forbidden romance for the reasons canon-based stories typically make it so, it's BEYOND forbidden here because Ozai is still a very much active factor in this story, and he makes everything worse :D soooooo...

With these particular factors in mind, I had several things to think about. With Sokka fighting as a gladiator being the core of the story, I had to figure out who would be his rivals, and in doing so, figure out what his power curve as a warrior would look like :'D in doing so, I settled very quickly on Toph for his main serious rival, but Sokka wasn't the only one whose story I'd be telling: obviously, Azula's arc would be important too, as I'd have to work with developing her FAR MORE than I ever had before, and while Sokka's personal opponents would be important, Azula is the one who chooses Sokka as her personal warrior, therefore, she had to have a purpose in doing so. Said purpose then materialized when I decided to make use of Zhao's character for Azula's main goal and foil, and so, I needed Zhao to have THE best gladiator of all... and I didn't need to think about it too much before I settled on Combustion Man for the role :'D

Thus, those were small, isolated yet pivotal elements that I had to articulate into a structure that made sense :D they were small things I settled on pretty quickly, from the very first few days of plotting. I can say for certain that, by the third day, I already had settled on the climax (... can't decide whether that's a fortunate or unfortunate wording choice, tbh xD) scene of Part 1, when Azula and Sokka have their fateful fight in chapter 96, then finally succumb to their attraction and act on their feelings without holding back, in chapter 97 :'D I knew I wanted this to happen after Sokka hit a low point upon failing to defeat Toph, either for the second time or after losing against her far too many times that he just was too discouraged to keep going, hence, I knew what the lead-up to this would be from literally day THREE.

But beyond this? At like... day one or two of plotting, once I settled on Combustion Man as the ultimate man to defeat? I also settled on how Part 2 would end :> back then, I honestly had no idea how much time there would be between the events from chapter 97 and the upcoming culmination of Part 2, I wasn't anywhere near advanced enough with plotting to even KNOW I'd split the story into parts because it would get too big to handle xD But what I did know was that I needed these two situations to happen, situations deeply entwined with Sokka's role as a gladiator. Everything in between was variable, and it was stuff I could figure out slowly, along the way.

The ultimate direction of the story, though? That did take me a long time to settle on xD In fact, I think it took me well over a year after I got started to really figure out where I was going with all of this. A close friend helped me figure out things by offering many ideas for Zuko and Suki's storyline, basically tossing them at me in hopes that I'd make sense out of some of them... and I don't really know if she even knows how much that helped me xD I really spent a long time unsure of what I wanted to do, what I COULD do... until at long last, I settled on one slightly ambitious direction that eventually turned into what you'll all know as Part 3 :'DDDDD

So... yeah, that's why I say I'm being contradictory as heck xD Yes, I worked out some core details of the story since the very beginning, but it wasn't ALL the core details, let alone the ultimate direction of the story, BUT... in building up Azula's character arc, that direction slowly became clearer to the point where, when this particular possibility stared me in the face, I knew it was where we had to go, I realized that what I'd written over that year was leading up perfectly to that outcome.

Ergo, Gladiator is 100% a work of gardening and architecture, woven together to a point where I have a hard time remembering what, exactly, was the result of each thing. There's some things that I settled on early on, like I said, structure things... and then there are some parts where the characters just went wild and did things I did NOT expect them to do xD There's one scene coming up, right before the climax of Part 2, where Azula actually does something that I honestly WASN'T sure of doing... and yet I couldn't resist the urge to go forward with it, once the idea came to mind, and so I did it. And now I regret nothing xD was it necessary? Possibly not. Will some people find it weird and out of place? Maybe. But was it CATHARTIC AS HECK!? Aaaabsolutely friggin' yes XD pardon me for being so self-indulgent, but that's part of what being a gardener is about (?)

So, I really think the best stories benefit from a careful approach to mixing the principles of both ideas. I know that some gardeners think that a structure can stifle creativity (not necessarily true, if you sense a lack of creativity in anything you're doing, it IS up to you to turn it around, switch it up and make it interesting, right...?), I also suspect architects might think gardeners would be utterly unable to tell a good story altogether in virtue of letting the story run away with them (also not necessarily true, as the quality of a story isn't quantifiable as easily as that, gardeners might just make masterpieces without as much need of direction as I personally require: Philip Pullman apparently had no set direction in the His Dark Materials trilogy and I could swear that's some of the best storytelling I have EVER seen).

Ultimately, each person gets to choose their ideal approach and what exactly they're trying to do with their work, as well as how they want to do it... but if you ask me, if your characters never seem to pull you in unexpected directions, you might just need to rework them or approach them differently to give them more life. If they DO pull you in those unexpected directions, but you're not sure if you can follow them just because you need to follow structure, it's really up to you as the author to choose whether to sacrifice the life/creativity within your own work and stick to structure, or sacrifice structure and potentially cause your story's course to crumble :'D

It may sound like I'm advocating for gardening so much more, despite I've labeled myself an architect, buuuuut... ironically, a very complicated but VERY rewarding scene in Gladiator Part 3 damn near WRECKED my structure when I was writing it a few weeks ago :'D I literally had to take a day off from actually writing so I could make a list of ALL the elements that would be impacted by this change if I went forward with it. If I chose against it, I would have to rewrite the complicated scene in a different way, and it might have been waaay too weird to make it work. If I chose to keep it, I had to tread VERY carefully or end up potentially making a mess of the ultimate direction of Gladiator's story, even threatening the themes and nuance that I have been counting on since I settled on this direction. Thus, sometimes gardening can be dangerous. Very, very dangerous.

I THINK I found a fair enough compromise that allows me to keep the best of both worlds... but I hope I've made it clear that both ways of working have their pros and cons, and why even mixing both things can have pros and cons xD but this is also why I, personally, think that a writer benefits the most from figuring out at least a loose outline, the broad strokes of what they want to achieve in a story, and then figuring out the many ways in which they could fill in those foundations, in whatever way they're most comfortable.

And so, I have rambled plenty xD I hope that was thorough enough, my position in this particular subject is honestly to oscillate in the middle of both things, where part of your job as the writer is to determine which situation benefits more from either approach :D Like I said before, I've found structure isn't something I can sacrifice easily, but more often than not, letting the story flow, letting the characters make their own choices, can enrich your story rather than hinder it. So... I lay the foundations, the structure, so that seeds can grow inside it, if that makes sense xD

[just-like-playing-tag]

A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2019 - June 13, 2020

I wanted to do this for the blog's first anniversary but then completely forgot about it lol.

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: Don and Gilda - Chapter 138: Demon serch (1)

Date: Jun 14th, 2019

Time: ~ 1:30 h

My very first redraw from my very first edit posted here, so it deserves an honorable mention. Back then I was young and inexperienced, I didn't even apply a gray filter (lmao I was so unskilled I even unintentionally scratched the picture, I hadn't realized until today). I'm actually very happy my first redraw was of Don, boy deserves all the love.

#2: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 28th, 2019

Time: ~ 1 h

Back then this looked like so much work to me!!! And to this day, I think it turned out pretty well. I'm particularly proud of how the bow turned out. This is one I was really proud of right after having finished it; it gave me the confidence to try redrawing bigger areas. Also, the edit were I first applied the opacity of layer / opacity of brush for the gray filter that would have stuck with me.

#3: Krone's birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th, 2019

Time: 15 mins

I don't know I just really like how Krone's hair vanish to a more sketch-like style here– and consequently, how I managed to replicate such effect. I think Krone's beautiful.

#4: Emma, Norman and Ray - Chapter 153: Coward

Date: Oct 4th, 2019

Time: 4:07 h (and 67 layers lmao)

Probably the single panel redraw I'm the most proud of. That Norman panel was beautiful and very poignant at the end of a chapter I adored, so I believe it deserved all the time I've spent working on it. It's far from being perfect - the back of his head is too plain, and the difference between my brushes and the original brushes is pretty visible - but I still like it very much and am extremely attached to it. The horn looks kinda big but I honestly believe it to be more of an issue with the original than with what I had redrawn lol. Funny enough, the whole picture didn't make it to the final edit and had to be trimmed.

#5: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 11th, 2019

Time: 29 mins

I don't have a particular reason for this I just think Emma's hair turned out amazing. It took just half an hour and I didn't even use references like. Wow. @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back

#6: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 17th, 2019

Time: 2:09 h

Sis I love this so freaking much. The shift from redrawing almost exclusively people and clothes to redrawing this mess was so fun and refreshing. Even though it's a mess I think it turned out very clean and overall it looks beautiful? I remember after finishing this I felt so powerful, like now that I had redrawn this thing I would have been able to redraw anything I set my mind on lol.

#7: Emma - Chapter 161: Never Be Alone

Date: Dec 13th, 2019

Time: 57 mins

Again no particular reason except this is a very cute Emma and I think the redraw turned out pretty well. There's this big lock on the left that doesn't make a lot of sense but overall I really like it. Cute Emma is cute, and I love her determination.

#8: Emma - Chapter 166: Going Back Home

Date: Mar 9th, 2020

Time: 3:45 h

I'M SO FREAKING PROUD OF THAT RIFFLE I have not the slightlest idea why this took so damn long BUT I'M SO PROUD OF IT

#9: Norman's birthday edit

Date: Mar 21st, 2020

Time: 1:04 h

This is cool! I didn't know I could manage to draw this, but I did it! The feathers were particularly hard to clean but I think they turned out fine.

#10: Full Score Trio - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 6th, 2020

Time: 2:11 h

I just think they're very pretty? I can't understand if I like Ray's face a lot, or not at all, but I think overall there was a lot to redraw and it turned out pretty cute! Sorry Gillian.

(Also insert pretty much every panel from the chapter 177 Isabella edit– I've spent so many hours on basically every panel there's no way I could choose only one).

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 29th, 2019

Complessive time: 2:57+ h

The very first edit I'm actually proud of; I'm really attached to it. It's the first edit I had put all of my effort into, and I remember feeling anxious people would have left it without notes. It kinda feels weird to think about it now, because I really don't care about notes anymore; yet, it somehow makes me happy to think that past-me wasn't let down. Thank you @neverlandstrio for your support, you may not remember but it really meant a lot to me back then! And it still makes me smile. You're the best!!!!!!

#2: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 20th, 2019

Complessive time: 7:12+ hours

This whole edit was an hella wild ride. It's midnight before a school day, when I think: "Mh, it's been a while since I last made an edit, why not make one about Musica and the queen from the last chapter?" And seven hours after this was born. I'm particularly proud of the queen's redraws on the 3rd, 7th and 9th picture (ofc), the areas which have been redrawn are pretty huge yet I think the difference with the original is almost impossible to notice?? @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back (part 2)

#3: Emma - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 12th, 2020

Complessive time: 6:53+ h

I think the panels that were selected work very well together, especially considering the close-up / full body alternation. I love Emma, and I've always been kinda sad noticing that edits that focus one her take the less notes... She deserves all the love. Also, fun fact: for the last but one panel, I had redrawn Emma's whole left ear before remembering she doesn't have one, so I had to redraw the panel from the start. Besides from the error with the ear, the reason why this (and all the others after) took so long is because official panel take way longer to clean.

#4: Isabella and her children - Chapter 177: Mother

Date: May 22nd, 2020

Complessive time: 13:41+ h (ahah.)

Lmao tbh I can't understand how this has so few notes it's like. Technically speaking, probably the best edit I've ever done. I don't even like Isabella that much, I haven't got the slightlest idea why I decided to spend so many hours on this. Anyway, I find the composition (full body on the left / headshots on the right) really good looking in this as well! And I think the redraws turned out fine, especially Isabella's.

#5: The Promised Neverland manga ending countdown→ 1/7 chapters: chapter 1 - Grace Field House

Date: Jun 9th, 2020

Complessive time: 1:59+ h

I don't know how I came up with that idea for the composition but I find it really beautiful??? I think it does a pretty good job conveying the sudden, terrific shift of atmosphere from the first chapter, and I think that sharp bridge is very nice. I'm very, very proud of this.

Honorable mention #1: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 13th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:44+ h (+ 1:13 h of working on a panel that ultimately didn't make it to the final edit)

A very good chapter, and the edit turned out surprisingly amazing??? All the redraws look great and make it almost impossible to distinguish them from the original; honestly I feel like I'll never be able to redraw so neatly again lol.

Honorable mention #2: Don and Gilda (+ Norman) - Chapter 160: Shackles

Date: Dec 11th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:14+ h

That one is really one of my favorite scenes; I'm telling you peoples, Gilda and Don are a blessing to the earth. I think I've never mentioned it, but Gilda's hair is a nightmare to redraw??? More specifically, it takes me h o u r s to fill the texture without making it look too weird, it's the worst.

Honorable mention #3: Norman and Ray - Chapter 179: Compensation

Date: Jun 6th, 2020

Complessive time: 4:16+ h

I was so glad to finally be able to make a Norman / Ray edit, and it turned out it was just in time before the series' finale. I like how it turned out and I'm pretty satisfied with the redraws (even though my sister helped me with the lineart of some panels - it was exams time and I really couldn't afford to spend more time on it), too bad we didn't have more chapters that focused on the boys. Ray sweetie one day I'll fix your ear it's just today's not that day.

Btw, I justed realized I have never done an Emma / Norman centered edit? I'll have to make one eventually. I remember considering focusing on them alone for the chapter 154 one, but then I thought "even if the manga is gonna ignore Ray, I will chose to do not" lol.

Top 5 long posts:

#1: Reconstruction of how the Grace Field children were settled in the three bedrooms

Date: Aug 28th, 2019

I just had really a lot of fun doing it. I love putting all the little things to their own place, it's so calming to do and that's why I love making this kind of things. Also, loved how @temporoom contributed to the post! It was so nice of them to add what they had noticed to come up with more exact conclusions, that's one of the things I love the most about the internet.

#2: A study of how many times the characters of The Promised Neverland call each other through the first season of the anime

Date: Sep 10th, 2019

I REALLY LOVE IT! I mean it *was* kinda stressing to note everything, but it was very also very satisfying to see everything methodically divided and organized! And it's not just that– it's also the fact that it looks good. That's one post I have fun rereading because it's actually pretty! Also, even though it can be very stressing to learn to use new programs and sites, it's always very satisfying to look at the final result. Again, I really adore compiling these tiny little details! I would love to make more posts of that kind if i had the time.

#3: The Promised Neverland musicals headcanons

Date: Oct 27th, 2019

I mean it's literally. Putting my two favorite fandoms together how could I not love it. This is another one I really enjoy rereading, I find all the musical / character associations so fitting! I really want to make a second part, I hope to find some time to do it.

#4: Considerations on the reward / eventual series' finales (and Emma's sacrifice)

Date: May 7th, 2020

It's always nice to put down all your thoughts regarding a particular matter. It can take a lot of time (at least for me it does because... I need time to think about things), but it's so satisfying to see all of them there once you're done. Bonus points when, like in this case, it was something asked by someone else because “Wow! Somebody wants to hear my opinion on this subject! I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍)”

#5: Some other considerations on the series' finale and Emma sacrificing herself

Date: Jun 13th, 2020

Pretty much the same as above. It's like some kind of clarity when the post is done and signed. Another fun fact, I had to censore the post a lot; the first version was extremely sharp and harsh, but I believe it's right to express your opinions calmly and politely.

Bonus: A thread of what the tpn characters would wear at the Oscars

Date: Feb 9th, 2020

Imagining all the children in those pretty dresses makes me so incredibly happy (╥﹏╥) I go back to look at that post a lot. I really love red carpets, I love looking at pretty dresses!!!!!

Lmao it's so funny how the post of mine I like the most are also the ones with the less notes

Anyway this was just a personal report! You don't have to read it all (or any of it actually). But it was indeed fun making it! Here's to many more months in the fandom!!!

[dear-yandere]

—ask collection!

a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!! 

beware, fairly long post... woops....

chat asks.

darling: Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.

vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... i’m biased since he’s my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?

that reminds me! he’s actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ♡

darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--

vanya: WAIT HE DID???? i’m not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go 😳 this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...

darling: for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general

vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when i’m writing!! i haven’t been keeping up with his uploads recently, so ‘betty’ is completely new to me and just, wow???????????? this man is an absolute god send for us “romantic” horror fans... ♡

this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chase’s minor key covers. i think i’ll do that just for you. ♡

darling @blossomiich​: I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!

vanya: i honestly don’t remember that interaction, but then again i don’t remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and

j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with it 🥺 the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...

darling: Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?

vanya: no worries!! i’m mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian. 

my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiān guān cì fú (heaven’s official blessing)!

darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass 😂. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa

Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad 😅 😂 also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though ����. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower 💐 so long as you receive them im fine 😌 -genki stan anon

vanya: nagisa isn’t my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldn’t make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldn’t peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think he’s very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...

please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! i’m kinda super asocial, so it’ll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since you’re so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! 🥺

also darling genki stan anon: Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not 😂 i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda 👀, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thót -gsa

vanya: omg i’ve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i might’ve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just 🥺 gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic 🥺 hhhh

the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but i’d honestly do anything for him 🙏 kinky russian boy...

therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules don’t apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh ✊😔

sweet asks.

darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!

darling two: Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.

vanya: omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafe​, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much 🥺

as for the headers, i don’t draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but they’re so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because i’m an absolute idiot, but i’m slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! they’re all indeed super pretty!!!

have a great day yourself, my love!!

darling: THEY’RE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL

vanya: this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ♡

darling: Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! 💞💞💞🔫😳

vanya: wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg that’s such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!

darling one: As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I don’t send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as I’d like in return as a writer). So, as such, I’m going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.

You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and you’re still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).

I’m not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.

darling two:  hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!

darling three: I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself 💖❤

darling four: Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:

darling five: Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to my “tumblr writing community is dying” post, and i’ve kept them this entire time because i’m just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so i’m not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! i’ve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ♡ i’m certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!

darling @monstrously-obsessed: psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you 💕

vanya: your local herbo says she loves you very much momster 🥺 mwah

also, to the anon worried about my safety:

thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadn’t even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!

[brujoenlafrontera]

hi!!! I’m a puertorriqueño/nicaragüense enby looking into resources for learning bruja stuff, any good place you know to start?

I’ve gotten a couple of asks about this lately, and i’m so happy to know there are more latinos finding their way to the practice, tumblr’s brujeria tag often gives the impression that theres so little of us out there reclaiming our practices but getting asks like these brings me a lot of faith that thats not true :) first and foremost:

GETTING INTO BRUJERIA IS HARD.

it really is. baby brujos like us know that better than anyone- getting started, is often the hardest part of doing anything, and its no different with brujeria. it can feel so overwhelming and feeling lost is natural. from my experience, although i am still a newbie ive been able to find a lot of information out there, here are the best places to find info, sorted by priority:

FAMILY! a little self explanatory, but brujeria at its best is truly is an inherited, familial practice. If you can, before delving into internet resources, definitely connect w your family if you’re able to and ask them for guidance and about their experiences!

Your family is always the best resource over anything you can find online; theres so much misinformation out there or information not relevant to your region and if someone in your family already has established practices, always trust them first

 Do some thinking back to all your cultural traditions, quirks, stories, and superstitions that you’ve  learned from your family across time and never thought too much about- and rediscover them under a new light

KEEP IN MIND: brujeria is NOT a singular , concrete practice w concrete rules in itself, the term blankets a lot of traditions across latam, the caribbean, mexico, but imo its always best to stick with brujeria related to your heritage and where your connection is.

this can be hard for people (like me!) with huge family taboos toward brujeria that make it unsafe to ask around about, and/or limitations in family connections (also like me unfortunately). I personally can really only get the tidbits and stories that my family accidentally slips out when I occasionally see them. i try to write them down as much as possible, but the info i can get is limited... and thats where the following comes in.

ONLINE COMMUNITIES. i.e, youtube, tumblr, instagram brujx communities. notice I haven’t said “internet” in general- the reason why i trust community based social media more than random individual websites you find on google is because, in the case of brujeria and honestly any non-european craft, you’re often gonna find a LOT of white people writing blogs, books, etc about their “spiritual experiences” in latam countries and wrongly/incorrectly taking ATR or indigenous traditions (like with smudging). I know, with social media, although those same white people are also on insta and tumblr, it’s a LOT easier to see the face behind the accounts and differentiate who to trust, who’s legit and has real experience to share, rather than a nameless, faceless, website that is actually some colonizer sharing colonized ideas who thinks theyre on a spiritual journey taking traditions all willy nilly. And the fact that in social media, its much easier to find a lot of good brujas at once bc they tend to follow each other lmao.what ive personally done to find information tho is essentially SCOUR tumblrs, insta accs, and watching tons of youtube videos for posts, accounts, videos, etc, and narrowing down good info from there through , namely:

CHECKING WHO YOUR SOURCE IS!!!

ASKING YOURSELF FROM WHAT EXPERIENCE THEYRE SPEAKING FROM

ALWAYS TAKING EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT

AND STICKING TO INFO FROM CULTURES OPEN AND RELEVANT TO ME.

again, brujería is different depending on where your family is from in latam, and if you have an established connection to indigenous and/or black roots, so it’s useful to use keywords relating to that when searching (like if ur black, you can look into ATRs(african traditional religions) which tend to mix deeply with brujeria, if ur indigenous, finding other people from your tribe is great, and if youre not pursuing your already learned traditions you can think about connecting to them more deeply(altho indigenous traditions are their own thing, sometimes they do mix with brujeria too), and apart from familial roots, if ur catholic/christian and/or want to explore it, saint work/catholic brujeria might be a good fit for you!)  

tumblr: there are a couple of fantastic brujxs on this site with great blogs and resources who have sadly left the site, but i still go through their posts heavily for spells, rituals, scraps of info! etting started w brujería is hard bc there’s really not that much info out there right now, but i compile as many good brujeria posts i find on my acc.

@brujeria-n-bongs great for catholic brujeria, now at @Upliftherbs on instagram

@brujeria-lost @barberwitch @reina-morada @highbrujita

@naomi121406 is by far the most active and informative tumblr resource ive found, shes an afro-indigenous diaguita curandera from argentina so shes also really helpful if ATRs are in your path!

Im not black myself and dont follow ATRs so i don’t really know many good blogs for afrolatine brujxs out there but if anyone would like to tag some in the replies thatd be awesome!

instagram: Ive found that instagram #brujeria tags has a pretty healthy active stream of posts. You’re gonna have to sift through a lot of them to get to the good stuff though- imo a lot of hispanics use the brujería tag not to mean “latine brujería” but just the spanish word for witchcraft, so a lot of white hispanics will put wicca/neo witchcraft in the tag. imo that’s really not something i’m personally interested in bc it’s not true to brujeria’s traditional nature, is very white/eruropean , and that wicca shit basically just got here. its a relatively a recent thing😭 so i try to stick to bruja accounts that aren’t influenced by that.

youtube: The youtube brujería tag is hit or miss? and again, contains a lot of wicca. But there are some good practitioners on there like The Mexican Witch! You just gonna look around, and dont be afraid to click on videos by really really small youtubers; they often are the ones with the most informative and legit things to say!

Everyone’s path as a bruja/o/x (sjdf trying to be inclusive w gendered language is difficult) is different but here are some topics i think are great to look into as a beginner!

ancestors: start at the bottom and figure out who they are, where theyre from, and set up an altar. it’ll help you a lot with figuring out your identity and path as a bruja later on.

setting up a grimoire

divination: tarot is actually what got me into brujeria at first! tarot isnt strictly traditional and is european in itself but its a wonderful tool for connecting to dieties, saints, etc as well as super fun and helps a lot with introspection

ritual abrecaminos, aka road opening spells!

amarres (love spells... proceed with caution)

limpias, mal de ojo

saint work: even if you’re not catholic (im ex catholic), a growing number of us (especially lgbt latines like @/upliftherbs on instagram) are starting to take back and decolonize our view of saints like La Virgen Maria and removing her from the rigid european/colonized interpretation thats been forced into us

candle spells in general (i fucking love candles tbh, cheap, easy, fun, and WORKS)

spiritual colognes, how to cleanse

finally, here are some helpful posts yall should definitely read and think about moving forward!

about using tumblr as a resource

about looking into brujeria as a part-white part latine

bruja psa + about reclaiming lost indiginety

honestly naomi’s entire brujeria tag is great and super informative for beginners and basically holds answers for almost anything at this point

hope this post helps yall out!

EDIT: oh lord now that this is posted the outline format i tried to use is all kinds of fucked up please dont mind the odd numbering lmfao tumbr hates organized formats

[outspokens-ar]

new  york’s  very  own devin  bahar was  spotted  on  broadway  street  in  louis  vuitton  ankle  boots.  your  resemblance  to  bella  hadid  is  unreal.  according  to  tmz,  you  just  had  your twenty-third birthday  bash.  while  living  in  nyc,  you’ve  been  labeled  as  being  a  workaholic,  but  also  loyal.  i  guess  being  a  libra  explains  that.  three  things  that  would  paint  a  better  picture  of  you  would  be  messy  silk  sheets,  red  wine,  and staying  in  on  a  saturday  night.  (  female  &  she/her  )  +  (  katie,  21,  she/her,  est  )

I’m incredibly excited for this to be back so, hello, hello, I’m Katie and here’s a long ramble about my bby bean Devin !

BACKGROUND ;

Devin I. Bahar was born to Isabella Corine Bahar, an ex-model who retired when she got married, becoming far more attracted to the ‘rich housewife, bow down to me’ aesthetic than continuing to work, and Damian Ethan Bahar, a lawyer coming from a long line of family lawyers that were known for working important, high-profile cases.

The relationship she holds with her mother is strained due to the woman’s materialistic nature and her goal of marrying off her daughter for as much money as possible. Her eyes are always on a far bigger and shinier prize, no matter how good her life already is.

Her relationship with her father, miraculously, is healthier than the one she has with her mother, simply because she has absolutely no relationship with the male. He took off when she was younger, cutting off all contact with his daughter without a second thought and he hadn’t bothered to make any effort to try and have a relationship with her.

In fact, when she had attempted to start some form of a relationship with him after she turned eighteen, he completely rejected her and wanted nothing to do with her and it ripped her apart far more than she was willing to admit to herself or anyone else.

Even now, she isn’t sure if the complete cut in contact is due to her mother or if it was simply because she didn’t live up to his expectations, didn’t deserve his love. Either way, she has attempted to move on from it after the rejection, even if she still has that small hole in her heart over it.

Due to how strained her relationship is with her mother, she moved out of the household the day she turned eighteen, having managed to save up enough money to support herself, wanting to get away from her as soon as possible. However, the woman is still her mother and she does still attempt to have some form of a relationship with her, even if it sends her into a horrible mindset whenever she has a conversation with the woman.

CAREER ;

She first began modeling at the age of 16 for a commercial project. She also starred in the "Swan Sittings" by Lesa Amoore, alongside actor Ben Barnes, before appearing in "Smoking Hot" by Holly Copeland. She also modeled for Hanna Hayes' F/W 2013 collection, alongside various other commercial projects, including campaign work for Chrome Hearts during 2013 and 2014.

She was then signed to IMG Models in 2014 and her career started shooting off from there.

She never actually planned to become a model, she actually wanted to be a photographer when she was younger and planned to go to school for it. When it came to the point where her focus turned towards college, she ended up heading towards visual arts, fashion design, and graphic design. Out of that, she discovered her passion for clothing and that’s what began her journey of designing clothes, a project she started along with her modelling career.

Since the start of her career, she has won over a dozen different awards that range over her multiple different career-interests. Managing to make a name for herself as a model and fashion designer.

As much as she enjoys photography, she puts most of her focus onto modelling and continuing to add to her own clothing line full-time. This leaves photography for her spare time as more of a hobby, however, she does step in to help other high-profile photographers from time-to-time.

PERSONALITY ;

She identifies as pansexual and has always been very open to sharing and talking about her sexuality.

Has always put her foot forward to support charities, organizations, and projects that support the entire LGBTQ community. Along with making sure to put her focus into other charities and organizations, she’s always been the type of person to ‘give back’ and to put her support into the things she believes in.

Devin suffers from intense depression and anxiety. For the most part, you would never know, she does well but, every once in a while she goes into a deep rut. She won’t talk to anyone, doesn’t want anyone around, generally entirely depressing and doesn’t want to bring other people down when it comes to it. It takes a lot of trust and a special type of friendship for her to allow you to be around during that time considering, most of the time, she’ll go completely off the grid the entire time. However, at the same time, she openly talks about her battle with depression and anxiety. She doesn’t ever want anyone to feel alone and she tries to involve herself with as many campaigns and projects that involve supporting those with mental illness as possible.

Along with this, she also has this back and forth with affection. She either hates being touched or gravitates towards it, it really depends on her mental state at the time and the general relationship she has with the other person involved. It can be difficult, one day she’ll be ready to give you a bear hug and the next day, she’ll shake if you try to shake her hand.

On a more positive note, she tries to be as positive as she can, to a reasonable extent. She never wants to take life far too seriously but, obviously, doesn’t want to take it for granted either. She’s the type of person you go to if you want clear-headed advice but you don’t want to be talked down to at the same time. Or if you want ridiculous jokes while also getting some kind of pep-talk.

Really the mom-friend but probably won’t ever admit to being the mom friend.

EXTRA INFORMATION LINKS ;

blog’s full navigation;

you can find links to just about everything here.

full about page;

if you want statistics, a more in-depth background, extra facts, and some other things, you can find a bunch of stuff here.

spotify playlist;

a mess but, ay’ check it out.

pinterest board;

a highkey mess but, ay’ check it out too.

connections page;

my page with connection ideas, some are specific but most are really used as templates for plotting. i’ll also update this with any taken-current connections.

wanted connections tag & side blog;

i’m also terrible with coming up ideas so, I have a sideblog to reblog things for wanted connections ( the top link will lead to the tag ), but it also has a tag for extra muse posts if you’re interested.

This is officially too long for an intro so, I’m gonna’ end it there, but if there’s anything else you’d like to know about my bby bean that wasn’t on here or on any of her other pages, absolutely hit me up because I can ramble for hours tbh. And if you’d like to plot, 100% slide into my dms and we can figure something out, or if we had a plot before the revamp and you want to keep it — let me know and we can keep rolling with it ! Also, feel free to hit me up here or on d*scord @ katie#7666 for plotting and such ! 

[alloveroliver]

Author Interview

I was tagged by @peacheat and @dear-mrs-otome THANK YOU GUYS!!! (I also added more Qs if you want to answer those as well *sweats*)

Name: Ash Knight

Fandoms: Now: MLQC, Ikemen Revolution, Ikemen Vampire, Ikemen Sengoku, Mystic Messenger, annnnnd one or two other otomes I like lol.  Want to do in the future: Obey Me (Currently playing) Ikemen Genjiden (translating got to be too much but its GOOD!) Tokyo Debunkers (when it comes out in April!!!)

Where You Post: Mostly Tumblr but also Ao3!

Most Popular One-Shot:  By far Victor x MC “In This Moment.” I’m glad cuz I spent a lot of time on this one and I love the concept of Victor stopping time because he know’s he’s going to miss MC <3

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: Mmm, I don’t have any muli fics yet BUT I do have 10 chapters of my blood thirsty fics!  they are all oneshots though. 

Favorite Story You Wrote: Its actually my first Oliver fic I posted around Aug of 2018 (Omg have I been doing this for that long???) It needs to be rewritten BUT heres the link. Oliver x MC “Giving Up Control”��I still think about this fic often lmfao. Femdoming Oliver is 🤤👌

Story You Were Nervous to Post: Ooof, a recent Oliver fic. Only because it had alcohol themes and smoliver asking her on a date. Just due to his curse and things I didn't want to change too much but it was all consensual with adult Oliver. I was just nervous some people would read into it and take it the wrong way :( Oliver x MC “In A Perfect World You’re Happy With Me” (Looking back at it, it actually got a good response! I am surprised cuz I posted it then tried to put it out of my mind lol. #thanksanxiety

How You Choose Your Titles: First thing that comes to mind. Song lyrics, one word that sticks out in the fic. Or if its a common word or a word/title I’ve used before I put it into One Look Reverse Dictionary and find a similar word that means the sameish thing. I don’t dwell on titles too much tbh. 

Completed: Last I counted, I had over 500 short stories under my belt. You can read them all on my blog but not everything was put into my masterlist. This was just due to the tumblr purge we had and I had to make a new masterlist since a lot of my fics got shadowbanned due to the tagging system back then. I didnt wanna repost them all lol

Incomplete: I have an entire spreadsheet that I plop all my ideas on... and it is FULL. I organize it by fandom, suitor, and fluff vs. smut. Ummmmmm.... See below: Coming soon lol. 

Do You Outline? I usually start writing when I have an idea and if I need to step away from my computer I will do a quick outline. AKA just some quick bullet points of what I was thinking would happen next lol. If I ever take the time to properly do a full outline, I 100% go off the rails and do my own thing away from the outline. I am what is called a ‘discovery writer’ lol. I discoverer my own story as i write it then go back and edit it and act like I knew what I was doing all along lmfao.

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started: I have 3 substantial WIPS (like 2-3k words) I bounce between that I’m working on. Victor x Mc, Vincent x MC and Faust x MC. 

A plan to do part 2 of Gavin x MC’ s ”Distortion” . 

I also have an long running AU fic with Gavin x MC (8k currently) but that is far away from being done lol. 

There is also an 11 chapter fic I am planning. I have 2 chapters written but I cant seem to figure out one major plot detail and its keeping me from getting it done anytime soon :( 

There is a chapter fic im writing for a cradle born MC, however its a mesh of our MC and my OC and its kinda complicated. Also its fluff and I’m less interested in writing that BUT I really want to share this story <3

Valentines day is actually prob going to be the next thing yall see from me tbh and that is TBD

Do You Accept Prompts? I used to every once in a while but I have so many WIPS and no personal computer at home rn. (SOON THOUGH!) So I don’t have the chance to write as much in my free time as I used to. I’ll take prompts but I let them sit in my ask box until I am able to write them <3. I am not the person to ask people to stop sending them, cuz I like to see what yall want me to write and take that into consideration for sure. I like taking asks for Thirsty Thursday (even if its not thurs, I will hold onto them until then) and answer them 😍 I love those because more people are involved other than me and I like being a part of something bigger than myself 🤗

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: My Victor x MC story. Its UMMMMM........ ITS SLOW BURN YALL. LIKE WHO AM I?! lmfao. 

*(I am going to personally add a few questions to this tag that I am interested in knowing about others as well lol)*

What do you use to edit?: I pay for Grammarly (its AMAZING even the free version is super worth it) 

For word meanings, synonyms, and better wording I use OneLook Reverse Dictionary ALL THE TIME for every single fic. (and like I said before, to help with titles)

When I feel like something is off and grammarly doesn’t quite know and I don’t know, I put the fic through Hemmingway Editor. It tells you HOW readable a sentence is. If its hard to read I rewrite it and make things a bit simpler for the eyes. Its free in the browser. 

Writing setup: Ideally, the sun is coming in through the window, It’s cool inside, I’m wearing a fuzzy sweater, I have hot coffee or tea, and my head phones are in. 

I listen to lofi music station on youtube but If its distracting I put on lofi without lyrics. I love THIS playlist. (this is live so it’ll prob break but here’s an alt link to their offline playlist) If I am in an upbeat mood I like “Electropose” music. Or I listen to the ‘setting’ a fic is in. Like if its raining in the story, I put on rain ambiance and things like that. 

Do you use a beta reader? No 😬, not really. Anytime I have someone beta read and they comment on the content and not the editing I get way too nervous to post the fic and suddenly it get sick to my stomach laskjdlsdj. I trust a couple gals to beta read in an editing mind set but I don’t bother them all the time. I like to go balls to the walls and trust grammarly, post the damn thing, and bite my nails hoping for the best. 

Where do you get your writing inspo?: Bruh, #1 READING! Reading books, reading fics, reading summaries for things. Also, reading the routes in otomes, watching anime, and letting my mind wonder lol. I also like to chat with people on discord and let the stories unfold. Inspo has also come from a lot of my dreams tbh. My dreams are hella vivid and I try to write them down when I wake up if they are interesting lol. 

Can we get a quote from an upcoming WIP?: 

[     Without cars and crowds, the evening wind picked up nothing but serene sounds. Crickets gently chirped and leafs quietly brushed one another. The branches rustled together, making an organic symphony that the wind carried up to the balcony you leaned on. 

*****’s warm hands ran up and down your forearms, warming your chilled skin. From behind, he bent forward and nipped at the shell of your ear. 

“Is that better?” His silky hands moved faster, creating heated friction. 

“Mmm,” You relished in the sensation. “Much better.”

His gentle chuckle against your pulse made you wiggle into him. ***** pressed his solid chest against your back and sighed. “Maybe if you were wearing more than just my shirt, you wouldn’t be so chilly.” 

“I just want to be out here for a moment. The fresh air is nice.” You pressed your lips together into a small smile and angled your face up to him. “Don’t you agree?”  ]

tagging: @somethinglacking @pseudofaux @tarralin @steph-writing @kiarigirl @otonymous @jennacat84 @xathia-89 @toloveawarlord @moonlit--river @thequeenshuntress @thirstyforbishiesimagines <3 Honestly I want to tag more people but I don’t wanna be annoying SO if you do this feel free to tag me cuz I am soooooo curious about other writers! Lets be friendsssss <3 

[dorky-thighchi]

Hey! You mentioned in your bio that you're an engineer student. I myself plan to go into engineering once I get into college. May you describe your experience so far? Love your blog! :)

Hey there anon! thank you so much for this! i was surprised when i got this message :’) my experience so far as an engineering student is fun, exciting yet full of pain and suffering, it’s tough tbh :’). just do what you love and take the course you love!!and it’s okay to change your study path if you feel that your current course isn't right for you and when you feel hopeless always remember why you started! college is completely different from high school.

When i feel like giving up, I always say this to myself: this too, shall pass

during my freshman year I was really excited and nervous :’( i joined a lot of organizations and clubs, was selective in choosing friends and compete most of the time with my classmates (in a good way!) during the first few months of my college life. I did my best so I can pass all of my subjects and was really busy and exhausted doing club activities and org stuffs. I was really harsh to myself, i spent most of my time studying and doing extracurricular activities. I forgot to take care of myself. I felt overwhelmed and stressed. When I failed and ALMOST pass one of my major subjects (i needed 1.3% to pass and that shit hurt, damn you differential calculus) and i was crying so hard because i was scared of losing my scholarship. I did my best but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t used to failure so reacted like it’s the end of the world. I couldn’t sleep and was really hopeless, i thought i already failed. Thankfully my GPA was good and i still have my scholarship. I told my parents about it and i’m really thankful to have them, they are engineers and they started talking about their experiences during their college years.They told me it’s okay; it’s normal for engineering students to fail, failure in college is normal. and you shouldn’t pressure yourself to perfect things all the time. College life isn’t a race, it’s a journey so keep learning and you’ll succeed.

i learned a lot; i made a lot of friends help them when they need help (please share your knowledge with your friends) we always help each other, AND PLEASE DON’T BE LIKE ME I JOINED 4 CLUBS AND ORGS AND DAMN I CAN T EVEN, i quit glee and music club. So for now i’m still part of our frisbee team and engineering org. I stopped stressing over things i cant control. Taking engineering course is no joke but please don’t stop, it’s hard but remind yourself it’ll be worth it in the end.  

What i learned from my experiences so far is keep going, rest when you need it but don’t quit!, it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to feel lost and confused. Don’t stress too much about your grades, grades don’t define you but they do matter. Always remember there are successful people out there who experienced failure and rejection. These people are my role models; my parents, my seniors and people who didn’t give up, they’re warriors.

Please ask for help when you need it, there are amazing people out there ready to help you. Always manage your time and study, try solving math problems, you can use your book or search math problems on the net and use youtube there are a lot of math tutorial vids. Organic chem channel really helped me a lot. When you cant understand the lesson, push yourself and take initiative. Always get involved join orgs/clubs but please dont be like me. Surround yourself with amazing people (always avoid friends that are a bad influence to you and identify toxic people they’ll make your college life a huge mess). Always learn from your mistakes, after solving a problem always understand the context, review it, question things. Learn the theorems, concepts, rules, steps and most importantly understand the basics. Know your weaknesses and fix them.

Know your professors and always ask; our professors want us to ask questions; they want us to learn. Ask when you don’t understand that certain difficult equation and concepts. Always take good notes and after class try solving the problems solved earlier on your own, always solve a problem until you finally get the solution, don’t ever give up, don’t stop reading and solving!!!!!!!!Learn to operate without your calculator please. Always work in teams but learn when to lead and back down! Always take advantage of your free time! review your class materials and prepare for the upcoming exams. Don’t skip classes and love your electives! You are there to learn so please keep going until you finally understand the concepts! damn i wish i knew these things before i started college.

Dont be too hard on yourself especially when things go wrong dont hate yourself AND PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO FIND TIME TO RELAX! THIS IS IMPORTANT TAKE TIME TO REST AND HAVE FUN! PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY! REWARD YOURSELF AND WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR GOALS, WHY YOU STARTED AND IN THE END IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT!! DON’T GIVE UP GREAT THINGS TAKE TIME. THE JOURNEY WON’T BE EASY BUT IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT!

Engineering course is tough but amazing and i wish you good luck and keep doing what you love anon! Take care, future engineer!!!

[idumean-archive]

@faerieborne​​: 9, 10, 15, 31 // be honest mun meme || accepting.

9. What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not?

I’m a very exclusivity positive blog tbh, but I feel like it needs to be approached with mutual respect & maturity, especially if you take exclusives within your home fandom. it’s easy when you only see yourself interacting with a rarepair, or even a muse that doesn’t get a lot of play within a fandom, but if you take an exclusive that’s a popular muse within the fandom, it can become an issue if you realize down the road you’re not as compatible as you thought you were, or they go inactive, move blogs, or lose muse for any other reason & you’re left wanting. I’ve been there before, & it is decidedly not a fun place to be. 

That being said, I do practice it - more so for out of the fandom muses than in-fandom (I think as of posting, I only have one single in fandom exclusive on this blog, but on my next update it’s likely going up to two because I’m too attached to your Ash to consider plotting with others, oops), & I am far more likely to consider mains than I am exclusivity. 

10. Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?

Not personally, no - by the time I realized there was drama relating to a commission based theme maker I had used in the past, I had already moved on to a different theme & basically missed it entirely.

15. How has rp changed you personally?

There’s the entirely obvious - the people I’ve met along the way, but that feels like cheating a bit. I’ve become more conscious of nuances within fandoms, as well as have come to value individual portrayals more instead of relying on a strict canon interpretations as I’ve gained the confidence to buck canon on my own blogs & seen others have just as much fun doing the same. I’ve also become far more organized & I’ve had to be to be able to juggle as many blogs as I do & still have time to do things outside of RP. I think beyond those positives, I’ve also become a quieter person & that’s not something I’d categorize as a positive given I’m already very introverted & likely to shy away from interaction outside of my sphere of familiarity, but that’s something I’m working to overcome.

31. here something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge? Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain? 

mostly ship names outside of my main fandoms, but I recently had to ask one of my writing servers what ‘dyn’ meant in relationship based tags, oof.

[adiabolikpastel]

School has started! I can’t throw away my shot!

Hi Hi all my lovely amazing people who follow me! It has been... quite a while since I have given you a proper update on the blog. Sorry about that, I’ll try to do better moving forward. On that note though I wanted to take the time to do one now and really prepare you all of what’s coming up next for this blog. So please enjoy the read and I’ll see you at the end!

- WARNING MAJOR BLOG NEWS BELOW -

Mun Yu Updates

Well... where do I begin. Last you knew I was teaching and almost ready to move in my old place. Good gosh. 

So, I have moved from the last place. I now live close to the edge of the state. My job ended in June for now so I now work for a hospital in town. Nothing major just an as needed position. 

But Yu, don’t you have bills. Why yes, yes I do! However, I took on less work so that I could go back to school and my fiance took over most the finance. He has been so supportive of my desire to go back to school, that’s the main reason we moved so far away. We both now work at the same hospital and I go to school. 

It’s all really great right now and we even have a two year plan in the works to move back towards home once my degree is finished. I am majoring in Early Childhood Education of course! My true passion is teaching little minds. 

Other than that I have started playing DND, like a lot. I will add my character to my Other OCs Art Post so you can see them. And really other than that, that is it for me. There were not many changes but some big little ones. 

☆+ ﾟ .+ .ﾟ.ﾟ｡ ﾟ ｡. +ﾟ ｡ﾟ.ﾟ｡☆*｡｡ . ｡ o .｡ﾟ｡.o｡* ｡ .｡

Blogs Now - What is Happening?

As some of you may have seen, there are two new blog additions to my growing obsession; @thegodtrappedinhell​ and verbotene-kleine-stunden . Both blogs feature their own addition to the story featuring a different OC with a different boy from the main story of Kanuki. 

Now... don’t get mad. I am going to delete their blogs. It’s way too much work to keep up with 3 (3+ once i add in Aelle) blogs and honestly I don’t have the energy for it. So instead, I am going to be moving everyone onto this main blog. 

I know what you’re thinking; “But this is Kanuki’s blog! What about my ship that has been here for years! I don’t know these new OCs I want Kanuki content!” Don’t worry! Yuuki and her story isn’t going anywhere. You can still interact with her, send her ask and keep up with her updates right here. 

The only difference is you can also talk with Yuki, Belle and any other OCs I bring out of the wood work (more on that after this). I just really cannot handle so many different blogs, when it is much easier to just have them all here. I will be adding in a new FAQ section of the blog to help answer some questions that may pop-up in regards to this merger. 

With all that being said, I’ll be closing down ask and submissions on all the blogs and be locking this one up for the time being. I need to do some MAJOR reconstructing and merging to get everything nice and organized. 

As stated above I am in school, so this process is going to be a long one. We probably wont see it finished to January if I am being honest. I have so much to re-organized and change coding wise that it’s best to just lock everything up for the time being. 

That being said, I will still make post every now and again to keep up with you all and any story content that I can come up with along the way. So it’s not like I’m vanishing, just closed for some renovations. I hope that you call can support this idea and are excited to see all of my OCs stories come to life. 

☆+ ﾟ .+ .ﾟ.ﾟ｡ ﾟ ｡. +ﾟ ｡ﾟ.ﾟ｡☆*｡｡ . ｡ o .｡ﾟ｡.o｡* ｡ .｡

Blog Future - What Comes Next?

Possible Name Change ~ With the merge I may change the name of this blog. I kind of love the name now, but it is kind of really Yuuki inspired. Don’t worry, I will post about it if I actually do change the name. 

New Sprites ~ I am so excited to announce the partnership with the amazing @lavendel080​ to bring all of my new sprites to life! There are... about to be so many OCs on this blog and tbh most of them need sprites (like everyone but Yuuki - present). Thank you so much for taking me on as a client and I love working with you so much~! 

OCs.. OCs as far as the eye can see ~ Yes... there are about to be so many OCs on this blog I can’t even. Here is a helpful list for you! 

Yuuki w/ Kanato

Kanaye

Yukio

Rini

Yuki w/ Laito

Erlabelle (Belle) w/ Reiji

7 kids - not made yet

Aelle w/ Yuma

Skye - currently not shipped

Akumu - not originally my OC but was given permission to use w/ Shu & Subaru

As you cane see, all of them but Yuuki and Akumu will need sprites done... so... there is a lot going on behind the scene for all of that. 

Yukio in Wonderland ~ This is still very much a thing! I have picked out the artist I would like to draw the pictures for this event. It is going to feature a many number of OCs from many friends of mine. I wont say who all yet - though you can probably guess, but I will give you a list of all the characters I have matched so far. 

Alice

White Rabbit

Cheshire Cat

the Tweedles

Red Queen

White Queen

Mouse

Caterpillar

Stayne

Mad Hatter

Hare

Door Man (door knob) 

Court members

So... yeah it’s really planned out! I have all those characters cast and now I’ll just need to like work with the artist to design them. It will be released like a children’s book. So with each art is like a page work of story to go with it. Please look forward to it! 

☆+ ﾟ .+ .ﾟ.ﾟ｡ ﾟ ｡. +ﾟ ｡ﾟ.ﾟ｡☆*｡｡ . ｡ o .｡ﾟ｡.o｡* ｡ .｡

I believe... that is everything. If it’s not I’ll re-blog this with any add on information. Thank you all so much for being a part of my life for the past 3 years. That is insane to me. You all are amazing and I hope to keep you entertained. Till next time~!

I wish there was some secret I could show you for sticking around this long... OH WAIT THERE IS!

For making it to the end. say hello to the first look at Skye, the newest resident in this hell.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 2x09 Chapter Thirty-One

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Okay, I really liked the exchange between little Jane and the little boy for two reasons. First, the fact that, even though Alba was teaching Jane a very dangerous lesson that perpetuates harmful stereotypes for both boys and girls, little Jane knew from the get-go that’s not a proper show of affection and she wouldn’t acknowledge it…

Second, the fact that the little boy taught Jane a far more valuable and realistic lesson…

If someone is mean to you and treats you poorly, they most definitely don’t secretly like you. On the contrary, they openly dislike you. Abuse and mistreatment should always be taken at face value.

I do wonder what connection the show will make between this flashback and the current storyline…

2) So…

Michael and Jane are not officially back together but it seems this episode is going in that direction… I’m actually curious to know how far into the show the love triangle will actually be over (personally, I’ll consider it over when  Jane has stuck to ONE of the love interests for at least 5 episodes in a row…)

3) Grandpa? Are we going to meet Rogelio’s FATHER?!

4) Ah, hell, what a way to tease me! He’s not coming… and now Rogelio says that she’s kind of depressed. I’m predicting they have split up.

5) YES!! This is way better than what I had expected!

Rogelio’s mom seems to believe that he will be devastated when he finds out, but if he is, I think it will only be momentary. I hope. I have a lot of faith in Rogelio. I think he will be thrilled.

6) Damn, Magda really did a good one on Petra. Things are not looking good for her…

7) “Great Books 105” sounds like such a boring class, tbh. Also, prediction: all the tall students? Basketball players who were probably promised a passing mark in Jane’s class without her knowledge, or something like that.

8) So… the students used to call the class Books for Ballers. I hope Jane finds a way to motivate them.

9) Michael might or might not be dating someone. So what? Xiomara looked at him as if he was cheating on Jane, but Jane was the one that dropped him like a hot potato TWICE to be with Rafael.

10) It’s really sweet that both Jane and Xiomara trust Rogelio to be able to handle the situation. I really, really hope he doesn’t disappoint me…

11) The whole baby-can’t-sleep plotline reminds me of the Mad About You live episode in which the two characters were trying to use one of these techniques to get baby Mabel to sleep on her own. It was a great episode, definitely groundbreaking, and I don’t think it receives enough recognition, probably because it was a 90s sitcom. Jane is, in fact, using the exact same technique they were trying out in that episode.

12) Shouldn’t they take the moron to a therapist or a psychologist to see if they can help her trigger some memories? Just telling her “please remember” shouldn’t have worked so easily…

13) Well… drawing parallels between Pride and Prejudice and basketball is a bit far-fetched, yet she seems to be making a connection with the students. But how are they expected to hand in a paper in their second class?

14) Rogelio… shame on you… you’re in show business, you should’ve read between the lines…

ROGELIO: My father is dying. XIOMARA: What do you mean? ROGELIO: I mean, think about it. He was too ill to travel. And I can't even bring him up to my mother without her changing the subject. Clearly, he is dying. JANE: Who is dying? XIOMARA: His dad. He thinks. ROGELIO: I'm not ready to lose him. But I must stay strong. I have to help my father achieve everything on his bucket list. I have to make sure he gets to see Bette Midler in concert. And Wicked on Broadway. He always wanted to vacation in Mykonos.

15) Good for you, Rogelio. He reacted really well. He was mostly surprised that he hadn’t realized sooner, and he didn’t understand why his mother thought he wouldn’t be able to handle it. So instead of freaking out about his dad being gay, he’s worried that his mom doesn’t trust him to act maturely in the face of a situation like this. YES YES YES. Rogelio, I fucking love you, you are truly the best fucking character in this show.

16) Oh, Mateo, ya nasty! What a bitch move!

17) She failed the McBaskets dude and I’m sure she’ll suffer the consequences, although I really hope she doesn’t.

18) OMG Rogelio organized a super gay dinner and I’m loving it! And I 1000% believe THIS should be made into the official prayer before meals…

19) Oh, she didn’t want to tell Rogelio because she didn’t want it to be real, not because she didn’t trust Rogelio to react well. She’s just afraid about losing her life partner and being alone, which she’s never been before. But I really, really, really love the fact that NOT ONCE did she say anything even remotely discriminatory. No one did. This is how you do a “gay” storyline. Well done, show. Well done.

20) Petra and Rafael are bonding, and Petra actually gave Rafael some solid advice about his mother (although I would 100% support him not talking to her, ever.) And what do you know? They found evidence against Magda…

21) Good commentary…

NARRATOR: Oh, my God! This perfectly encapsulates what's wrong with higher education! Privileging athletics and alumni contributions over academic rigor!

And this is one of those times in which the narrator seems to be voicing exactly what Jane would think, and that’s why I sometimes feel the narrator might be her, you know?

19) Okay, this is where this storyline has taken us…

20) YES!!!

21) Uh-oh…

NARRATOR: It should be noted that these words will come back to haunt Petra. But you don't know that yet. Pretend you don't know that.

I’m actually not a fan of this… “foreshadowing”, for a lack of a better word. I think the phrase was ominous enough to require that type of meta-commentary, and it’s one of those instances in which it’s better to let the viewers make that connection when the time comes, you know? It kind of ruins the future reveal, in a way.

22) Are we back to this? OMG this fucking show and the constant and annoying back and forth! Can’t anyone be IN LOVE with the same person for more than two episodes straight? They fall in and out of love every other week! What type of people are these?!

It annoys me to no end, you have no idea.

23) Michael girlfriend confirmed, then.

24)

25) So, he turned her down? I think not showing at her house would’ve sent a better message. If he showed up, that means that he still cares. Also, when did he make time to meet a new person and start dating them,  being on the run and all of that?

26) Grandpa Gay!

27) OMG!

Why did she lie to Rogelio, though?

28) I’m zero invested in the storyline of Rafael and his mom. Meh. Rafael just doesn’t do anything for me. I couldn’t care less about him.

29) So, Mia isn’t Mutter, and then this happened…

Is Mutter Rafael’s mom…?

30) Okay, alright, show, color me mildly interested. You win.

31) My favorite part of this episode, as usual, was Rogelio’s storyline, but I’ll admit that the cliffhanger definitely grabbed my attention. I hope this leads to something interesting because Rafael usually bores the shit out of me.

32) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!