#Taken away too soon jesus fucking christ

[no-entry-system]

What's the fuckign point anymore

[milla-frenchy]

Imagine Tommy pussing you off so go find Joel, Joel fucks you, you call Tommy and put it on voicemail so he can here you screaming Joel’s name

Does Joel put on a show? Does Tommy jerk off ti the sound? Does Joel get mad at you for getting him involved in this and and and and-

Mood board @aurorawritestoescape 😍🤌 (pic for mood only)

0k7 | Joel Miller x fem reader | ao3 | Masterlist Warnings: 18+ mdni. Infidelity, masturbation (m), degradation, piv, creampie. No age specified

a/n: @romanarose I changed a little part of your ask, hope you’ll like what I imagined 🙏 @aurorawritestoescape thank you for beta-ing 💕😘

***********

Joel was not particularly a good man. His sense of morality was questionable. It always had been, and that would probably never change. So when you knocked on his door to complain about Tommy after he ended up at Travis County for what seemed like the 100th time, Joel didn't think it could be a bad idea to let you in.

When you sat on the couch and told him that Tommy had hit on a waitress in a bar, and that her boyfriend had beaten him up before the two of them were taken away by the cops, he didn't even hide his smile. His brother had always been a loser, and that wasn't going to change any time soon.

“I’m so tired of his shit, Joel. How many times have I got him out of prison? And he was flirting with another girl. Again. I wonder if he fucked that one, too.”

And that’s how you ended up in Joel’s bed, legs spread, his cock pounding your cunt hard and fast, eyes fixed on your dripping hole, that was covering him in white.

When you got a call later that evening, your head was buried in a pillow and Joel was gripping your hips. You didn't even check who was calling you.

When your phone rang again the next day, Joel’s cock was buried balls deep in your core. And when he saw his brother's name on your phone, he told you to pick up. You were still pissed off and didn’t hesitate, putting the call on speaker just as Joel started fucking you again. Your moans were the only sounds that came out of your mouth.

“Uh, babe? What the hell is going on?”

“You broke your toy, little bro. Now I’m fixin’ it… oh fuck, that pussy’s so fuckin’ tight...”

“The fuck? Joel?! Babe, is that a fuckin’ joke?”

Joel was fucking you so good, spreading your walls around his cock and perfectly hitting your g spot, that you didn’t even bother to answer Tommy.  Besides, Joel was dealing with him perfectly.

“You didn't tell me she was so good at takin’ a cock. Suckin’ it too. Blew my load down her throat this morning. Been fuckin’ her all night, shit…”

“Fuck, baby? Why are you doin’ this to me?”

“Well, I think it has something to do with the other women you’re banging, jackass...” 

“Oh fuck, baby, come on… You know I love you, right?”

“Oh, shit. She’s suckin’ me in, Tommy. She’s squeezing my fuckin’ cock so tight…”

Joel knelt between your thighs, one hand gripping your waist, fucking you as if you were a rag doll. Rubbing your clit with his thumb, spitting on it for Tommy to hear. His brother was no longer talking, and you only heard his breathing. More and more unsteady.

Joel sneered and said “Jesus Christ, Tommy, you’re jerking off, hearing me fuck your girlfriend?”

You let out a moan that wasn't just from Joel's cock and finger.

“Gonna fill her up soon. Hope she’s on the pill or something, or we’ll have some weird family lunch, lil’ bro...”

You heard Tommy grunt, and the fist clenched on his cock sped up his movement. You could hear the fap fap fap as clearly as if he had been in the same room as you. Watching Joel railing you.

“Shit Tommy, you’re such a loser. Ya gonna fuck her through my cum tonight, uh? She’s so full of me, man…”

“Fuck, fuck, ‘m gonna come…”

“Yeah? Ya want your toy back after I fixed it?”

“Yeah, yeah. Baby, wanna fuck you… want you to be full of me too. Please? Please, baby. Lemme fuck you tonight.”

“Tommy…oh, fuck, Joel is fucking me so good… I’m gonna come on your brother’s cock… again.”

“Fuck, fuck. Yeah, keep talkin’ to me like that.”

“He made me cum so many times since yesterday, you know… Oh, god… His cock is so thick, baby…”

“Shit, oh….oh fuck I’m gonna…ah fuuuuuuuck.”

Tommy shot his load onto your bed and on his fist, and you came hearing his moans, clenching on Joel’s cock. He told you “what a good girl you were, taking his big cock so good” until he filled your cunt already full of his spend. You heard Tommy panting over the phone. “Get your ass over here and fuck her in my bed. And when you’ll stick your dick in her cunt, your cock will be soaked in my cum.And I bet you’ll cum in 5 seconds, little bro. Like a damn loser.”

***************

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@pascalsanctuary @littlemisspascal @survivingandenduring

[jackmanwife]

You picked at the food on your plate with your fork, something your father cooked up a couple times a week—a pile of mashed potatoes that had long since gone cold, some roasted asparagus you hardly touched, and a piece of chicken that tasted bland after the first few bites. You weren’t even hungry, really—just wanted to get dinner over with.

Your father was going on about one of his favorite old stories—something about a fishing trip he’d taken a few summers ago, the same trip he brought up every chance he got. He told it the exact same way, too: the “massive fish” that got away to the epic battle with his fishing line. You nodded along and gave him the occasional “oh, really?” like the good daughter you were. Your mind, however, wasn’t on fishing—or the food.

You took a sip of water, looked down at your plate, then glanced up at the man sitting in front of you. There he was, Logan—and fuck, did he look good. He was patiently listening to your father, sometimes letting out a chuckle, drinking a little bit of beer from the bottle next to his plate—barely touched, too. You can tell he was just as bored as you were. Only difference was, he wore it better.

Then it came to you. You didn’t have to sit here quietly, bored out of your mind. Not when he was right there, so close, looking so put-together. No, you wanted to fuck with him a little, have some fun.

You took a quick look at your father, making sure he was still caught up in his stupid story, and after what felt like hours, he was. Good. You slipped off one shoe under the table, feeling the cool floor against your bare foot before reaching out, letting your toes brush Logan’s jeans—feather-light. Just a little something to get his attention without making it too obvious.

You stared at your plate, even though a smile tried to pull at the corner of your mouth. After a few seconds, you looked up at Logan, expecting him to be looking at you, too, but he wasn’t. He just continued to drink his beer, talk to your father, take a small bite of food from his plate. He wasn’t doing anything. Why wasn’t he doing anything?

Okay, maybe he didn’t really feel it. Beneath the table, you pressed your foot a little higher, up along his calf. Still, nothing. Logan barely blinked, even, he just leaned back with a small smile on his face as he listened to your father, bringing his bottle back to his mouth for another drink. Fine. You slid your foot higher, pressing along his thigh, harder this time. There was no way he wasn’t feeling this. And yet—he just went on, acting like he hadn’t noticed a thing, even though you knew he did.

But then, just when you were about to drop your foot, Logan casually reached under the table, catching your ankle in his hand. The move was so sudden you almost choked on the food you were keeping in your mouth. His fingers tightened around your ankle, holding you in place. Your hand tightened around your fork, trying to pull your foot back, but he wouldn’t let go. He made it clear that he was aware of your little game—and that he was going to win it.

You yanked your foot back hard enough to slip out of Logan’s grip, causing the table to shake. Your father paused mid-sentence, looking over at you.

“Oh, um—I think I’m full,” you forced a small laugh out, pushing your chair out from under the table as you got up.

Logan finally looked over at you, lips curling in the slightest smirk. You knew that look. “Leaving so soon, sweetheart?” He nodded toward your half-full plate, “Barely touched the food on your plate.”

Jesus Christ, was he going to be the death of you.

[ellecdc]

I'm sick rn so I wanted to know if you could do a little comfort fic of moonwater taking care of sick reader or something pls :)

awe so sorry you're unwell babes! hope you feel better soon <33

poly!moonwater x fem!reader who has the flu

Another shiver shook your frame even from your place burrowed deep beneath the thick duvet in your spare bedroom.

You’d woken up a little late this morning; Regulus needed to be in the office early for a meeting, and Remus had a meeting with his publisher, meaning you had been on your own. You felt awful, but ultimately hoped that as the day had continued, you might perk up a bit.

You did not perk up. In fact, you ended up spending so much time in the bathroom that your boss actually suggested you go home for the rest of the day.

Too poorly to feel as embarrassed as you probably ought to, you readily accepted and returned to yours, Regulus’, and Remus’ shared flat.

It took nearly all your effort to change out of your work clothes, change the bedding in your shared bedroom so that the boys wouldn’t have to sleep in your germs, and set yourself up in the guest room with a bucket just in case.

You’d slept on and off quite fitfully, waking up with a start when your fever induced brain concocted the most ridiculous nightmares to alert you to your sweaty and discomfited state. 

You were so poorly that you hadn’t even realized anyone was home until Regulus was standing in front of you like a creepy vampire watching you sleep.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Regulus.” You muttered, slapping your hand to your own chest as you tried catching your breath, which caused a small coughing fit.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Your boyfriend asked incredulously.

You groaned as you rolled back onto your side to face him.

“Hello, Regulus. It’s nice to see you.” You deadpanned.

Regulus huffed and dropped his briefcase.

“Hello, amour.” He deadpanned in return. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He asked again as he gently sat on the edge of the bed to place the back of his hand to your forehead, grimacing in response to your sweat or your fever, you weren’t sure. 

“I’m sick.”

Regulus made a pathetic cooing sound that was so contrary to his sharp demeanour made all the more severe in his smart work attire, it was almost comical. 

“Why didn’t you call me?”

You huffed at that. “So, what? So, you could come home and watch me barely sleep? I was fine.”

“Fine.” Regulus scoffed. “You don’t look fine, amour.”

“Words hurt, Reg.” You groaned as the pain behind your eyes grew.

Regulus made another cooing sound and stood.

You thought perhaps he was getting up to change or whatnot but opened your eyes to see him with his phone pressed to his ear.

“Regulus, what are you doing?” You demanded with all the sternness you could muster, which was not much at all in your current state.

“That’s enough out of you.” He muttered quietly as he brought his phone back to his ear.

“Hi love, how are you?” He spoke over your attempted rebuttal.

You could hear your other boyfriends’ low tones responding to Regulus from the other end of the line.

“Good. It went well, thank you. I just got home actually, Y/N’s already here; she’s quite poorly.”

Though you still couldn’t make out the words, Remus’ voice picked up in volume. 

“No, she didn’t tell me either.” Regulus commented, sending you a pointed glare.  

“Okay, yeah. Alright, we’ll see you soon. Yeah, love you too. Bye.” 

You groaned petulantly. “Why’d you do that? He doesn’t have to come home for me.”

“Maybe he’s coming home for me; ever consider that?” He snarked back, pushing some of your sweaty hairs away from your head to press a kiss to your head.

“You’re a furnace, amour. Is it safe for me to assume you haven’t taken any medication?”

He got his answer in the form of a guilty expression.

“Tu vas être ma mort. Tu as de la chance d'être si mignon.” He muttered as he left the room to change and gather some things for your flu. 

You came back into consciousness to the sound of Remus and Regulus speaking gently.

“I hate to wake her up, but she really should take something.”

“Has she eaten, though? She shouldn’t take anything on an empty stomach.”

“If that bucket is any indication, I doubt there’s anything in her stomach at all.”

“Can you guys go do your worrying elsewhere, please? I’m trying to die in peace.” You groaned, caused Remus to gasp and Regulus to scoff.

“Dovey! Oh, my poor girl. What happened? Are you okay?” Remus cooed, kneeling on the floor in front of you to start petting at your head.

“I’m okay.” You croaked.

“You’re a liar.” He responded; words pointed but expression loving.

“Do you think you can eat, amour?” Regulus interrupted. 

“I don’t want to.” You moaned.

“That’s not what I asked, love.”

Remus tsked at Regulus’ coldness and took your face in his hands.

“Dove, can you try? Please? For me.”

You groaned very petulantly but began sitting yourself upright nonetheless. 

You allowed Remus to position your pillows and arrange the tray Regulus had prepared for you on your lap, but you drew the line at him trying to spoon feed you the stew.  

“Did you wake up this poorly?” Regulus asked from the end of your bed.

“Sort of, but it got worse at work.”

The air was sucked out of the room as both men turned to look at you incredulously.

“You went to work?!” Regulus gawked.

“Why, dove?”

“Ma MORT, je le jure!” Regulus groaned exasperatedly. “Why didn’t you call us to pick you up?”

“And you took the time to change the bedding and move out of our room when you were like this?” Remus added.

You were beginning to feel embarrassingly teary as you put your spoon down and pushed the tray away from you.

“I didn’t want you guys to catch this. I just... I was fine.” You sniffled and wiped at your eyes as the first tear fell.

Remus tsked again and rested his forehead against your temple, and you realized then how much cooler his forehead felt against yours. 

“Okay.” Regulus said quietly, picking up the tray from your lap and placing it on the dresser. “Can you take these for me, love? Fever reducers and anti-nausea for now; we’ll see how you feel in a few hours.”

He held the pills out to you in his palm and held a glass of water in the other. You hiccupped and sniffled before accepting both, handing him back the glass half full once you were done.

“Thank you.” Regulus whispered gently, kissing your forehead and bringing your tray to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry we scolded you, dovey.” Remus whispered into your cheek, causing new tears to fall. “We just worry; you know that, right?”

“Yeah.” You whimpered, and even you could tell it was sort of pathetic.

“Oh, my poor darling.” Remus cooed, standing from your side to climb in on the opposite side of the bed. 

“Don’t, Rem. I don’t want you to get sick.” You whined, though allowed your body to be pulled into his side.

“Tough.” He said simply, punctuating the sentiment with a kiss to your temple. “Then I’ll just get to call in sick too.”

You were sure the tears were mostly from exhaustion and discomfort, but you couldn’t seem to get them to stop.

“What’s the matter, hm?”

“I don’t feel good.” You whined.

“I know, babydove. I’m sorry.”

That’s how Regulus found you when he came back to the room; you crying into Remus’ shirt as he rubbed broad strokes up and down your back.

“Rem, we’re trying to bring her temperature down, love.” He admonished gently, though sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his own soothing strokes on your clammy arm. 

“You try denying this sweet girl her cuddles, Reg.” Remus responded.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before placing a cold wet cloth on your head. 

“I’m sorry you’re so poorly, amour. And I’m sorry if we made it worse.” He apologized. 

You quickly shook your head (which you immediately regretted as the nausea threatened to return). “You didn’t; you don’t.”

“I upset you though, I’m sorry. I’m too rough sometimes.” Regulus admitted, sounding almost as teary as you. Remus tsked and reached one of his hands over you to take Regulus’ hand.

“I know what you’re thinking, love, and you’re wrong.” Remus insisted. “And I know you’re wrong, because your parents wouldn’t have fussed over you at all when you were sick; so there’s no way you could be acting like them right now.”

The fact that Regulus had spent any amount of time worrying that he’d been too harsh with you, that he’d been at all like his awful parents caused your few tears to turn into true crying.

“I’m sorry Reggie.” You cried, turning to look at him. His brows furrowed dramatically, and he looked just as close to crying. “If you weren’t here; I’d be sitting in bed with no food, no medicine, no cloths, and no love.”

“Well, you maybe would have had some love.” Remus argued from your other side.

“I would’ve died.” You insisted.

One tear did fall from Regulus’ eye as he smiled sadly at you. “I just hate to see you so poorly, amour. You should always be happy and lovely.”

“I am. I’m better when you’re here.” You insisted.

“How dare you insinuate that our sweet darling girl could ever possibly be not lovely, Regulus. Absolute blasphemy.” Remus scolded, causing both you and Regulus to chuckle. 

“Terribly sorry, you two. I seem to have forgotten myself.” He laughed, turning the cloth over on your head and trailing his fingers down your jaw to massage at your neck. 

“Don’t let it happen again.” Remus instructed.

You fell asleep to the sound of Regulus promising that he wouldn’t. 

[scarletemeraldpurple]

Kinktober day 29: Break in

Rio Vidal x nonbinary Reader, mention of Rio x Agatha, implication of future Agatha x Rio x Reader

Notes: Noncon->Dubcon, hate sex, reader has a vulva, daddy kink, Rio and Reader are exes, lots of non-gendered pet names

You’d been lonely since she left you. She got swept back up into whatever she had going on with Agatha Harkness. You couldn’t entirely blame her. Agatha was always quite charming, if a bit…unfeeling. People around you thought Rio could be unfeeling too, that she and Agatha deserved each other. You thought you had seen another side of her, a gentler side. But you were wrong. As soon as Agatha moved back to town she had dumped you, without hesitation.

You sighed as you entered your home after work. Your friends were supposed to come over and watch a movie but they all had something important come up. You understood in each case, but it still sucked. You prepared yourself for a night of movies and wine all by yourself.

Nothing could have prepared you for Rio sitting on your couch, ostensibly waiting for you to come home. You had changed the locks about a month after she dumped you because a burglar had come through Westview. Her old key shouldn’t have worked anymore.

“Jesus Christ Rio, what the fuck are you doing here? How the fuck did you get inside?”

“I missed you.” Rio said with a twisted smile.

“I hate you.”

Rio tilted her head and got up. You had the door open and were motioning for her to get out.

Rio looked like she was about to leave, but then gripped your wrist and took it away from the doorknob, letting the exit close shut.

“Rio get the fuck off of me,” you said angrily.

Your ex just chuckled.

“You don’t want to hear what I have to say?” She said as if she was hurt.

“No Rio, I really don’t give a shit what you have to say. You’re lucky I don’t call the fucking cops on you.”

Rio smiled, amused at the fight you were putting up. She grabbed your other wrist and pinned you t the wall, hands on either side of your head. She pressed her body up against yours.

“Go ahead sweetheart, fight me. Call the cops on me. If you just wanna see me in handcuffs, you could always just ask.”

“Like you’d ever give up control.” You huffed. Her face was so close to yours. You hadn’t been close to anyone like this in so long.

“Baby, if you really wanna be in control,” her eyes darted down to your lips, then back up to your eyes, “you can be.”

“Fuck you, Rio”

“I know that’s all you want isn’t sweetheart? You need to be touched baby, I know, it’s okay.” Rio slotted a thigh between yours and you gasped.

“Fuck…fuck off Rio,” you spat.

“So much fight tonight.” Rio whispered in your ear, giving your cheek a quick kiss.

You turned your head away, so you wouldn’t have to face her.

“When’s the last time you got fucked baby? When’s the last time someone’s taken care of you?”

You didn’t answer her, concentrated on fighting the urge to grind down the leg between your thighs.

“Oh baby…no one’s touched you since me huh?”

“Fuck you,” your voice was starting to break. You were frustrated, hurt, but god were you turned on.

“Sweetheart,” Rio’s voice had softened, “look at me.”

You reluctantly met her gaze.

“There we go, you were always such a good pet for Daddy. And good pets get rewarded.” Rio said.

She leaned in to plant a kiss on your lips. You resisted her. Despite how soft her lips were. How good her touch felt, in spite of everything. She pressed her leg further into you and you gasped. She took the opportunity to slide her tongue into your mouth and you finally melted.

She let your wrists go and you grabbed the back of her head and the fabric of her shirt. She moaned as you kissed her back. She sucked your tongue down for as long as she could.

“Good pet,” Rio husked when you two broke apart.

You couldn’t decide if you wanted to cry, hit her, or kiss her again. Maybe all three.

Rio saw the emotions brewing in your eyes. She gently brushed some of your hair back. “Oh sweetheart,”

You wanted to bat her hand away, but you also wanted her to pet you until the end of time.

“Daddy didn’t take very good care of you did she? Can she make it up to you?”

“Are you still with Agatha?”

“It’s…complicated with me and Agatha.”

“So at any moment you could drop me again? Disappear off the face of the earth?”

“No baby, never again. I’m so sorry I hurt you like that sweetheart.”

“Like you really care,”:

Rio looked upset now. “Of course I care.”

“Don’t lie to me,” you said, tears filling your eyes.

Rio put a hand around your jaw, forcing you to look into her eye, “I’m not lying, pet. I’ve always cared about you, always will.”

“Not more than you care about Agatha Harkness.”

Rio covered your mouth. “Enough, pet.” Her other hand skillfully undid your pants, reaching to find you soaked through your briefs.

“Mmmph,” you tried to protest against her hand.

“Ssshhh, pet. No more talking, no more thinking. It’s all out of your hands now.”

You felt warmth spread through you. You felt your head go fuzzy.

“Good pet, just let Daddy take care of you. I’ve got you. We’ll figure it all out, pet.” She slipped her fingers into your underwear, rubbing deft circles on your clit.

She held you up as your knees started to give out. How was she so strong?

“I know baby, I know how you love how my fingers rub you just right,” she removed her hand from your mouth, “tell me you love it,” she demanded.

You glared at her defiantly.

She sunk her fingernails into your hip, eliciting a whimper from you, “do as I say, and I’ll make you feel so good, I’ll take such good care of you. Just like I used to, I know what you need baby.” Her fingers slowed down, the edge you were building towards dissipating.

You cried as you told her “I love your fingers Daddy… I-I missed you,”

“There’s my good pet. So good for me baby.” Rio kissed away your tears and sped her fingers back up. Every circle of her fingers building you up.

Your breathing grew ragged, your body tensed up.

“Cum for Daddy baby, let go for me, unravel for me. I’ll put you back together, I promise.”

You couldn’t fight the orgasm as it wracked through you. Rio’s finger’s didn’t waver as she helped you ride it out. She kissed your neck, sucking big purple marks onto it. You would be hers again, all hers, you may as well start looking like it now.

“Fuck Rio.” You said breathlessly.

“Shh I know baby.” Rio led you over to the couch and put your head in her lap. She traced your cheek and petted your hair. “I got you, you’re safe.”

“Stay. Please stay Rio.” You pleaded, beyond caring about sounding pathetic.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Rio assured you. Not tonight anyway, she thought to herself.

You clung to her the rest of the night, all the way to bedtime. She cooed at you and petted you until you fell asleep. When you were soundly asleep Rio got a text on her phone.

—

Agatha <3: How’d it go tonight?

Rio: I’d call this part of the plan a success.

Agatha <3: Good, good, can’t wait till they’re ready to be shared.

—

Rio smiled at the messages and then looked back at your sleeping form, turned away from her.

“It’ll all make sense soon, pet,” she whispered before wrapping herself around you and drifting off with her-

[marchsfreakshow]

Lovingly Obsessed [Warren Lipka]

Smut.

Warren's taken you out of your comfort zone wayyy too much for your liking. But you find yourself strangely in love with it despite the stoner's weird way of showing you his adoration.

Warnings: car fucking, public sex, quick oral, dub-con (almost?)

AAAAA! I don't know this will sound so bad and ooc I'm so sorry. Just take it! Warren has invaded my brain once again.

18+! MINORS DNI

No one's perspective

⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷

It was like he found a crevice your mind nothing had ever occupied before. And made a home. It was like he had made himself comfortable there, and never floated away. Reaching into your brain and finding the comfortability, whipping it away from you. Throwing it away forever.

Warren Lipka truly was a man you hadn't been friends with before. What you were used to was nerdy, untouched men, loving anime and DnD. Not a man who'd love to drag you to parties just to get drunk, high, then make out in a corner for the rest of the night. With the music beating harsh in your heart. On edge practically 24/7 since Warren would appear at your window during the night because he wanted a midnight drive. And possibly to get sucked off.

Despite it all, you were oddly endeared to the man. Letting your hate for risk-taking fade every time he snuck you out of the house, or kept you at his all night. The only time Warren gave you 'i love you' was when you were in the backseat of his car, gripping onto the seat and desperately riding him. His grubby, unloved nails digging into your skin. The little crescent moons becoming more obvious the more he moved your hips for you. Constant squeaks of the car barely covering your moans, whimpers. It definitely covered up his quiet, reserved groans, however. "J-jesus I love you..." He muttered into your neck, sticking tiny marks on the skin.

"I love...you as well.." Was your obvious reply, panting and whimpering as your thrusts got more humpy, car squeaks slowing and quieting down.

"No, baby don't slow down... c'mon..there you go.." The man under you coaxed you to start picking the pace up again. He murmered desperate, fumbling, fucks and your name over and over like he didn't realise you were really there. His name being screamed out only drove him further to dig and plummet himself into you. More than he had before.

Simply losing yourselves in the hot, small car. The lonely car in the summer morning at an empty parking lot. Maybe a car all the way over there. One just parking over here. Workers already hating their 5am start, just to walk past the car, refusing to take notice of you and Warren. Whispy air, thickening with every noise leaving you. "Knees...knees. Now." Warren murmered desperately. His hand replacing you as soon as you started to manuvere yourself between his legs awkwardly. Open mouth, wide tongue... like you'd done this before. "Fuck- fuck! Jesus Christ...ha-" Were the words rapidly leaving him as he tugged your mouth down, forcing you to take every drop of his come, and every inch of his cock.

"Alright you can get up now." He stated, still catching his breath from unceremoniously thrusting up into your throat. Awkwardly, you climbed back into the passenger seat, shuffling your trousers back on as more workers' car's filled the parking lot.

There was a comfortable silence for a bit, as Warren drove you two, somewhere. But the road started to look long and desperate. You found yourself asking a question you thought you'd never ask anyone. "Can we get high, then fuck in McDonalds bathroom?"

You were perfect for the stoner driving next to you. He simply nodded in response.

⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷

Tags: @babygorewhore / @taintandviolent / @oceanblvd111 / @nahoyasboyfriend / @coentinim / @slutforgarlogan / @briaroftheroses @am3ricanh0rrorwh0re /. @evanpeterspeter / @feefymo / @fear-is-truth / @lacucarachapisser / @marchsfreak / @saintlucretia / @jazz-berry / @t8-ak47

[bigassmoonchild]

Hoops

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: None of your squad was ready to be a part of a mission. You knew they weren't, they were just kids who were getting ready for a life of misery. So you went instead. Missions never go right with the 141, and as much as Simon didn't want you to join you had to. It seemed you couldn't stray from an argument with him for too long.

Content Tags: Angst, Hurt/No Comfort, Canon Typical Violence, Missions Gone Wrong, Mentions of dead bodies, Medical Inaccuracies, Arguments, Simon Realizing His Feelings For You, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha! Ghost, No Use of Y/N

A/N: Here it is! Chapter 9 of Maple Syrup! I would've thought you guys would prefer the smut, but it almost seems like you like the angst more?? Here y'all go, enjoy! As always, content is under the cut and my asks are open!

Part 1 | Previous, Next | Headcannons, Masterlist

"Is anybody on your training squad ready to be placed in a mission yet?" You sighed deeply, running your hands down your face. Shaking your head, you looked up at the man leading the operation. You didn't know his name, and quite honestly you didn't want to.

He looked away, thinking. "My last squad? Maybe there would've been one person strong enough for it, but this one? They didn't even know how to go about placing a tourniquet, let alone stitching someone up on the battlefield," you told him. You didn't want to be sitting here, busy with trying to make sure you didn't send any of your squad out too soon to be ready for the actual fight.

All you wanted was to be curled up in your nest, trying to figure out where the hell Simon had run off to this time. For the last two weeks Simon had seemingly disappeared, not even having lunch or dinner with you.

"Do you think that you're capable of going on this mission?"

"I'm not allowed on missions anymore, I thought?" You were appalled. Stunned. You hadn't ever thought of returning to the field, not since you'd become mated. "Aren't there a bunch of hoops to jump through if you wanted to have me return to the field?"

He shrugged. "I have enough of a reputation that I'd be more than capable of getting this through the hoops," he told you.

The next morning, as you were just about to take a sip of the coffee you had oh so carefully made, the door slammed open and made you jump, spilling it just between your legs. You stared at the coffee splattered on the floor before looking up.

Simon. You went to talk, opening your mouth to say something when he interrupted. "You're not going on that mission," your brows furrowed. Of all things he could've fucking said to you, for the first time in weeks, that's what he chose?

"I don't recall you having a say, considering you come and go in my life," you snapped at him. He looked almost taken aback at your words. "When you finally make a decision about whether you want to be in my life or not, then you'll get a say in these things," you told him.

He looked away, closing his eyes tightly before opening them and staring at you. "Last time I checked I was your Alpha,"

"Last time I checked an Alpha didn't abandon his Omega because he wasn't good at talking," you snapped, standing up. "Now, if you'd ever so kindly leave, I have work to do. If you come back, I'm expecting an apology, explanation or both," you pointed at the door.

Mouth agape, he stared at you, blinking rapidly. You pointed at the door again and he turned, not looking back as he walked out and shut the door softly.

You sat down, hands holding your head as you gave little gasps, trying to breathe through the panic you felt. Tears were dripping through from your eyes, throat burning.

Jesus fucking Christ, Simon Riley was going to be the death of you.

Being back in a plane was a little unsettling, even if you had gone through a quick two-week training session, to get you back up to speed, they said. They taught you basic combat skills, got you comfortable with simple weaponry. Made you a soldier, at least once again.

The bumping of bodies together because of how close everyone was. You could feel the weight of the gun you were holding and the packs you were holding, filled with medical supplies.

People were speaking loudly, some through their radios and some just between each other. You could see Soap and Price sitting just across from you, Price leaned in to listen to what Soap had been saying. Ghost and Gaz were on the other flight, with another squad who had another medic.

The flight shook, tremoring with the turbulence, shaking like you almost felt like you were. Your hands were grasping at the straps holding you in place, and you saw Price press into his radio to be heard on the team channel.

"Alpha Team, drop in 5, be ready," he spoke and you nodded at them, listening to a few others give their affirmatives. The plane shook, you could hear from inside the shots it was taking. Hopefully, it would remain intact enough to get you to the landing point and be okay to extract you if need be.

Alarms began blaring, people stood and moved, seeming to try and run away. You stood yourself, glancing over at Price and Soap to try and figure it out.

"We're jump-" Black. Everything was black and as you came to it felt like your body was on fire. Everything hurt and you could feel that sticky wetness covering parts of you. You moved your fingers and toes, trying to make sure nothing was wrong.

As you sat up, you looked around, feeling for your in-ear mic. It was there and you smacked at it a few times before it turned back on, albeit slightly staticky.

"-nyone there? I repeat, is anyone there?" Gaz?

"I'm here, we went down," you spoke, struggling to your feet as you looked around. "I'm going around to find any survivors or see if people are dead, send for extraction. I'll let you know the injured count," you tossed some rubble off of a person, feeling for a pulse.

Nothing. The next person was cut through the abdomen, their eyes glossy as they stared into the smoking sky. From what you could see on his uniform, he was just a boy.

The next person was blinking up at you, their leg sliced all the way through, nothing but flesh and blood splattering it. You slid on a tourniquet, giving the soldier a small smile and some reassurances.

You hadn't been out for too long, you'd realized. If that soldier was still alive, even with a lost limb, it had been seconds or minutes at most. You reached for you mic before hearing a voice.

"Sit still, I'm coming to give you backup," Ghost. You shook your head, crawling through more debris as you found Soap.

"You're going to want to bring as many people that know how to treat severe wounds," you told him. For what seemed like seconds, you worked to stitch up the major wounds on Soap, closing up an artery.

When you found Price, you became horrified. There was rubble covering him, his body limp, blood surrounding him. You moved to pull the rubble off of him, unable to do it because of the weight. Instead, you jumped to stitch up the wounds you could see, listening to the calls of Ghost and the others.

"Over here!" You shouted at them, waving your flashlight. When they were finally able to get there, you started ordering people around. "I need at least two people helping me search and fixing people up. Price is here, someone needs to get the rubble off of him," you watched as Ghost and Gaz pulled the rubble off, moving it away and you jumped in to tourniquet the wound.

With each stitch, you could feel yourself falling more and more into fear. His artery was almost severed, and you needed to spend more time on him. You looked up and found Ghost hovering over you.

"How far out is extraction?"

"Few minutes, maybe 10 max,"

"They need to get here faster, or there are going to be a lot of deaths," you told him, watching as he reached for an actual radio, talking into it and nodding. He'd ended up getting them to arrive not five minutes later, their speeds picking up with the knowledge that there were survivors.

As you boarded the flight with the worst of the wounded, which ended up being a young girl not too much younger than yourself, you watched Ghost fight his way on. He stood in the corner as you ordered the people around and trying to fix her up.

He watched, intently, as you moved in your natural habitat. He could see the blood pooling down the back of your head, as much as you tried to ignore it.

When you moved too quick around a corner, you had to catch yourself to keep from passing out. Lightheaded, you stood trying to bring your vision back from tunneling. There was nothing short of panic in your body as you turned to say something, vision fully blacking out before you felt yourself falling.

Your head was throbbing when you came back to, the bright lights burning your eyes as you opened them. You could smell fear and stress all nearly fully coating the tobacco, leather and little hints of smoke from the last mission. You lifted your head as much as you could, glancing over to where the scent was strongest.

"Are you finally back to deciding I'm worth being in your life?" You whispered, voice hoarse from all the screaming. You could hear Simon sigh heavily, a groan coming from his throat.

"Can we please do this another time? You nearly died," he whispered the last part, moving closer to you. You shook your head vigorously, trying to bite your tongue to keep from snapping at him.

You looked at him. "I've told you already. I can't do this up and down with you, this back and forth. It's ruining me," you whispered, feeling your eyes watering. He shook his head, cupping his face in his hands. "Either you figure out how to talk to me, or we get rid of this," you watched as he rubbed his eyes, you could smell the distress and sadness overtaking his scent.

He looked up. "I don't know how to do anything but retreat," he whispered to you. Shaking your head, you looked up at the ceiling. Glancing at him shortly, you had to close your eyes.

"Then you need to leave until you can figure out what it is you want," you told him, hearing him stand and the door opening and shut. With him went his scent, the only thing you could smell was the distress and hurt.

You could feel the tears pouring down your cheeks, your knees bending in an attempt to curl in on yourself. It had felt like hours until your tears dried, your chest hurting and the little gasps you gave out slowly became hiccups. It slowly turned to little breaths, your eyes blinking slowly as you stared to the side.

It took about a week until you were released, the concussion having healed through the week, large bruises and scrapes were slowly healing, a few stitches scattered on your body. You found yourself in your room, the area feeling too clean for your opinion.

The nest had lost its scent, leaving you to re-make it with materials that were better scented.

You took out the one last hoodie of Simons.

The not knowing was what hurt the most. Not knowing if Simon was going to keep you as his mate, not knowing if he was going to try and help himself and help you.

With a deep breath, you started a bath. Your thoughts would be the end of you, and you needed to take some time to just not think. Maybe have an orgasm or two, by your own hands this time.

Simon left. He just completely left the compound when you had made your comments to him, still lying on that bed and slightly bloody. Hair a mess, mud (or blood) splattering it. He put in his leave request the minute he left your hospital room and then booking a flight home.

Home. What a strange concept. Was home just a building, the place you laid your head down to rest at night? Was is the place that you went to when you had nowhere else to go?

Was it a person?

Simon didn't know. He didn't want to know, to be completely honest, and all he could do was run. Just like he always did. Either way, Simon needed a minute to think about everything that happened. Everything he did, everything you did and the things that were caught in his mind.

He hadn't even told Price he left, not yet at least. Not to his face. Sure, he left the note, but Price had been off doing things when he went there.

There was nothing that was good when he got into his apartment. The area smelled stalely of him, and he felt this weird sense of longing lodge into his chest. He wasn't entirely sure what it was, he had never felt something like that, at least not for a long time.

Little whines escaped from his chest, and all he could think about was the scent that was missing. The voice that was missing, the person who was missing.

You. You were missing, his little Omega who was oh so good when he had you. Who was oh so patient with him, the little Omega who gave him love. He didn't want anything short of you, even a little pup or two. Make yourself a pack, create a life with you.

And the only thing Simon could think about was getting back to you. It eventually turned into trying to think about how he would explain everything to you, how he would tell you everything. Give you an explanation, no matter the hoops he would have to jump through.

You deserved it.

Next

Taglist:

@sae1kie @shinebright2000 @zechie-spams @itsmadamehydra @smiley-roos @enrapturedbythemoon @stargatenovus @cowboydisaster @404lunar

(I definitely forgot to add the taglist for my initial post, but I added it only minutes after posting)

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

The Dangers of Hope Ch. 1

Series Summary: When Y/N shows up at Camp Chitaqua with her little girl in tow, her bloodshot eyes leave no doubt that she's infected. Or is she? Everything Dean has come to know for certain over the last five hellish years, is about to be challenged.

Pairings/Characters in the series: Endverse!Dean x Reader, Emma (OFC), Castiel, Sam Winchester, Lucifer, Michael, Zachariah, Risa, Johnston (OMC), Patrick (OMC) other survivors and soldiers.

Series Explicit 18 +/Warnings: Show level violence, some gore, angst, smut, fluff all the usual for a series of mine. ❤️ Endverse!Dean (that's a warning for his anger and callousness as well as his extreme hotness. 😁) Each chapter will have their own specific warnings.

Chapter Warnings: Not much in this first chapter. Some mentions of death and violence. I don't want to give away everything, but there are also some angsty mother/daughter moments, so be warned.

Word Count: 3468

A/N: So, I've had this idea for quite a while. Basically since I watched The Last of Us. I loved Pedro in the role of Joel, but I kept thinking how incredible Jensen would have been. Which then made me think of how amazing he was as Endverse!Dean which then led me to this idea. Lol! I've stolen the premise of Ellie's storyline from TLOU, but made her a grown up, a reader insert, and a love interest for Dean.

If you've never seen TLOU, don't worry - you don't need to have seen it to understand this story. 😊

I've taken some liberties with the Endverse in my story, changed a few things from canon, but kept lots of things too.

I sincerely hope you enjoy the story. It will be ten chapters and I will do my very best to post one chapter every weekend. ❤️

The divider at the top and bottom were created by @saradika

Series Master List

Dean punched open the flap of the canvas tent that he'd called home for the last several years. Sometimes he really missed having a door to slam. 

Or a wall to punch a hole through, he thought as he tossed down his duffel bag full of weapons. At least the bag made a satisfying thunk against the plywood floor.

They'd lost three men on their latest raid. The raid was successful; they'd pilfered enough medication from a pharmacy in Omaha to see them through the next few months. But the reason it was the only pharmacy within a two hundred mile radius that had any meds left, was because it also happened to be Croat central. 

It was swarming with the bastards. His soldiers had done a good job holding them off, but it had eventually led to ground fighting and three soldiers had been bitten. He'd put them down quick and quiet. But it made for a long drive home.

Home, he scoffed as he dropped onto the side of his cot. Home my ass.

As he rubbed his hand across his forehead, his tent flap opened again. He also missed privacy.

One of the soldiers that had been left behind to protect the camp, stood awkwardly for a moment before Dean barked at him. 

“Not now, Johnston.”

“Uh…” the man hemmed and hawed for a moment more. “There's a…an urgent situation, sir.”

Dean let out a huff. “There's always an urgent fucking situation. I said ‘not now’!” Dean's voice was sharp and angry. All he wanted was five minutes.

Used to having his orders obeyed, especially when they were issued in his harshest tone, Dean turned away and started to light the lamp beside his cot. Before he could spark the match however, Johnston was clearing his throat annoyingly.

“Jesus Christ, what?” Dean snapped.

“I'm sorry, sir…but Castiel, well he…he has a…a situation with a woman.”

Dean’s glare could melt ice. “What woman?”

“I think…he wants - he said he wanted to see you as soon as you were back.”

Dean ground his teeth together and tossed down the matchbook. He gestured angrily for Johnston to lead the way.

He followed the timid man through a maze of tents, aware of the eyes that followed him. He was used to that feeling. People in the camp always looked at him like that - with a mixture of awe and fear on their faces. To most of the survivors he was a little bit legend, a little bit savior, and a whole lot scary.

He was always given a wide berth.

But something more was in the air today. The evening breeze seemed to be buzzing with whispers that followed him up the stairs and into the main hall. It was one of the only wooden structures in the camp, and definitely the biggest. It was where they all gathered together when they needed to. 

He pushed through the squeaky door to find the angel standing in the middle of the room, just in front of one of the dozen massive, twenty-person, metal tables that had been constructed for large group projects like bomb making, or supply divvying. 

Dean tried to look past Cas when it became obvious there was a person behind him, sitting on the floor. But Cas just shifted so he couldn't see whoever it was, which only made Dean’s scowl intensify. Cas held out his hands towards him. 

“Okay, Dean. now just listen.” 

Dean didn’t like the sound of that, or the placating tone the angel was taking. “What the fuck is going on here, Cas?” He tried again to peer around him at the person on the floor, but Cas shifted his footing again to keep them hidden.

“You have to…before you do anything, just,,,you have to look at her. Really look.” 

He moved out of the way slightly and Dean could finally see a woman sitting on the ground. Her head was bent and around her wrists were manacles connected to heavy chains that yoked her to the immoveable table. Dean was about to once again ask what the hell was going on when the woman looked up at him and he saw her eyes - saw the perfect, blood red circle around her iris. 

Dean’s razor sharp instincts reacted without conscious thought, and his gun was out of his thigh holster and cocked, with his finger ready to pull the trigger in under two seconds. It was only Cas jumping in front of the woman again that managed to just stop him firing.

But Dean kept his gun pointing at the woman’s head, even though it was now hidden on the other side of the angel's body. 

“What the fuck is the matter with you?” He bellowed at the man who used to be his best friend, back when he still had friends. “She’s infected! Get out of the fucking way!”

Cas had his hands up again and was shaking his head. “No, Dean, look at her. Yes, her eyes show she should be infected, and yes she was bitten, but…just look at her. She’s not infected.”

Dean’s jaw ticked with his fury. “Yeah well, give it a couple hours and she’ll be strong enough to bust those fucking chains. Now, move!” He roared again. 

But Cas took a step backwards, closer to the woman on the ground. “No, it’s been days.” He looked over his shoulder. “Right?”

The woman’s voice was soft. “Almost a week.”

Dean scoffed. “Bullshit!” He shouted, unable to believe the angel’s naivete. “She’s lying.”

Cas was shaking his head and looking at Dean again. “Her arm, where she was bitten, it’s healed up.” He called back to her. “Hold your arm out.”

The chains rattled and Dean saw a slightly grubby arm stick out from behind Cas’ legs. Sure enough there was a bite on the outside of her forearm that looked pretty much healed. Dean felt something uncertain shift in his belly, but he shook it off. He knew better.

“So she’s a quick healer. She’ll still turn into a monster sooner or later. Now. Move.” He gave Cas a glare that had made lesser men crumble. But the angel refused.

“No, Dean, this might be something huge.”

Dean opened his mouth to argue, but the woman’s small voice spoke first. “Please. I just needed to get my daughter to safety.”

Dean leveled another glare at Cas. “Daughter?” He asked.

The woman continued speaking and Dean tried to see any part of her around Cas’ body. “We were living in the Billings camp near Piedmont, Emma and I. We’d been there just a few months when the camp was attacked. They lost a lot of people, and I got bitten. When the fighting ended and the Croats were all dead, the leaders started checking us all for bites. I knew they were going to kill me and I understood what had to happen, but I wanted them to promise Emma would be safe, but they wouldn’t.”

Dean’s hand had lowered slightly, enough that Cas shifted aside again so Dean could see the woman talking. There were tears falling from her bloodshot eyes and she lifted the heavy chains so she could wipe them away before continuing.

“She'd fallen on some debris in the mess, long after the Croats had been put down, and she had a scratch on her leg. They were sure she was infected too. But she’s not.” She shook her head vehemently. “They were going to kill her. I…I couldn’t let them. So I shoved them down, fought them off, grabbed Emma and ran. We’ve been running for almost a week. I’d heard about this camp, so I headed this way. I was terrified I was going to change before I could get Emma to some semblance of safety. But…it just never happened.”

She shrugged and shifted slightly. Her movement brought the barrel of Dean’s gun back up a fraction of an inch. She stared at the pistol for a moment and then caught his eye again.  “I just wanted somewhere for her to be safe. I understand that you want me dead. I’m…” Her throat caught and she closed her eyes and took in a deep, steadying breath. “But….” She opened her eyes again and a slight smile curved her lips.

“You don’t…you probably don’t remember me, but a long time ago - I was barely sixteen - you…you saved me.”

Dean knew he must not have hidden his surprise very well when her smile deepened. It occurred to Dean in that moment that she was really, remarkably beautiful, in spite of the dirt and the bloodshot eyes.

“My family I mean,” she continued, “you saved my family. You and your dad. We lived in Wichita at the time. We had a poltergeist. It was…it was cutting me. It carved words into me.” She put a hand on her stomach. “Words like ‘vengeance’ and ‘death’.” 

She shook her head. “I was so terrified. But you and John, you just swept in and got rid of the thing in a weekend. It was amazing.”

The long-forgotten case bubbled up in Dean’s mind. It felt separate from him, apart, as though centuries had passed in between, instead of a dozen years. But he remembered a young girl, a sweet kid with braces on her teeth and overwhelming fear in her eyes. He nodded. Yes, he remembered that smile now.

She wore it still as she shook her head and looked down. “It was a long time ago, a lifetime seems like, so I’m sure you don’t remember. But I still remember how Dean Winchester came and saved me.” She looked up at him again and her tears had returned. “So, I’m asking you to please, please save me again.”

Dean felt the same something as before, something that shifted in his gut, that felt tight and constricting. But he pushed it away and shook his head.

“You’re wrong, Y/N.” He said, as her name came back to him. He could see the surprise on her face. “I do remember you. I remember the poltergeist. I remember your family, your house. And I remember saving you.” 

He paused and let the memories retreat from his mind’s eye before he clenched his jaw. “But you’re right, it was a lifetime ago,” he shook his head, “and I’m not that guy anymore.”

He raised his gun and took a step forward aiming for a quick, straight bullet to the head, faster than blinking.

But as though time slowed down, he saw a blur of motion coming in from the side and several things happened at the exact same time. Y/N screamed and dove as far to the right as her chains would allow, Cas jumped forward to stop him, and Dean yanked his gun up at the very last millisecond before his finger flexed on the trigger, just as he saw the blur come into focus.

It was a sobbing, shaking little girl, in a tattered blue dress. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a braid and tied with a faded piece of lace. Y/N had leapt towards the child to shield her as the little one had flung herself in front of her mother. Y/N was now cradling her daughter in her arms.

Cas kept his hand like a vice grip on Dean’s shoulder where he’d grabbed him in an attempt to stop him. Though he wouldn’t have reached him in time. A feeling surged through Dean that he hadn’t felt in a long time as he breathed in and out harshly, as though he’d run a mile.

Two of his soldiers, Risa and Patrick, ran in seconds later, ashen faced and staring at the little girl. Dean yelled at them. “Why the fuck did you let her in here?”

Risa shook her head. “She got away from us.”

“Got away from you?” He continued to shout. “She’s a little girl!” 

When they didn't respond he gritted his teeth and spoke through them. “Why don’t you go see if you can handle all forty pounds of her this time.” He said, motioning with his gun for them to go get her.

As they moved to follow his orders he acknowledged what it was that had his heart beating triple time and his lungs unable to suck in enough air. 

It was fear. The forgotten, acidic taste of it was on his tongue. It had been a very long time since he’d been afraid of anything. But knowing he’d been less than a second away from firing a bullet into the body of an innocent, uninfected kid - that truth had him rattled. As did Emma’s heart-rending cries as she clung to her mother.

Risa and Patrick had reached Y/N, but looked hesitant to rip the child away from her mother. Y/N was pulling on Emma’s arms and she finally managed to unlock their death grip from around her neck. 

“Baby, shh.” She said softly as she brushed the little girl’s wispy hairs out of her face and cupped her ruby red cheeks. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay, you’re gonna be safe - “ 

Emma cut her off with a wail. “Noooo! Noooo! Mommy, I don’t wanna go.”

Y/N was shaking her head. “Hey, hey. No, sweetheart listen, listen to me. We made it here and now you’re safe.” She began nodding as Emma shook her head. “Yes, baby. Look at me, look at me, just breathe.” She said, and Emma began sucking in shuddering, choking breaths.

Y/N smiled and kissed her daughter’s forehead. “You are so brave. Okay? I just need you to keep being so brave. Can you do that? Hmm?” Y/N questioned, nodding even though Emma was shaking her head in denial.

Dean caught Patrick’s eye and gave a sharp nod towards the horrifying scene. He needed them to get the kid out of there. Patrick nodded back, but still didn’t move to take her. Dean seethed.

“I love you so much.” Y/N said, her voice breaking now, but she cleared her throat quickly and continued. “I love you bigger than big.” She was staring into her daughter’s eyes. “Bigger than big.” She repeated.

“And taller than tall?” Emma asked in a strangled voice, obviously repeating an often used sentiment. 

Y/N was nodding. “And taller than tall.” She confirmed. She gave her daughter a final smile of encouragement, her palms still clasped on her flushed, wet cheeks. “You - are my little angel.” She told her before pulling her against her chest one more time, trying to squeeze a lifetime of love into the small body she held.

Dean tried to keep his features in check as Y/N looked up at him. He wouldn’t bend. She needed to get her kid out of there. Y/N sniffed and pulled back from Emma. “Okay, baby. You need to go with…”

She looked up at Risa, obviously looking for a name. “Risa.” The soldier replied kindly.

Y/N gave her a grateful smile and directed her words up at her. “Go with Risa, she’ll look out for you.” It was obviously a question for the other woman, a plea. Risa gave a curt nod of agreement.

Emma was still sobbing as Y/N lifted her out of her lap and let Risa take her away. The little girl screamed and reached back for her mother and Dean saw the way Y/N flinched as she raised her manacled wrist and pressed her fingers to her lips before sending a parting kiss to her daughter.

As the child disappeared her screams still echoed, and Y/N slumped, covering her face, her shoulders shaking.

Dean swallowed down the feelings that tried to rise in him as he watched her weep. Every person who died left someone behind to grieve them. If they were lucky. And this situation was no different. Their camp had more than a dozen orphaned kids. Emma would be no different.

But as Y/N took a shuddering breath and looked up at him, he knew he was lying. Her words to Emma had resonated in his memory, pulling forth the image of his mother’s warm hands on his cheeks after he sought to comfort her, told her he loved her and would never leave her. 

“You - are my little angel.” She’d said, her voice full of love.

And another moment, in the dark, cuddled against his mother’s chest as she held him after a nightmare, just days before the fire. Her voice had been so gentle, so soft. 

“I know you’re scared, Dean, and that’s okay. Cause I know you’re so brave too. Can you show me how brave you are?”

Y/N’s last words to her daughter echoed some of the last words he remembered from his mother and he would be lying if he said it wasn’t affecting him. But as Y/N stared up at him, he tried desperately to shake it off. It changed nothing.

Y/N’s voice cracked as she tried to speak; she cleared it before trying again. “Thank you, Dean. For keeping her here, for giving her somewhere safe to be.”

Dean shook his head. “Nowhere is somewhere safe to be.”

He could see Y/N’s fear spring back up, and he shrugged. “But she can stay here, and have the protection of the camp. For whatever that’s worth.”

Y/N nodded and closed her eyes. “Thank you.” She repeated in a whisper, and then, without opening her eyes, “I’m ready.”

Cas gripped his shoulder again. “Dean, don’t do this.” He said, his low voice barely a whisper.

Dean shrugged off his hand and stepped closer to Y/N, close enough that he couldn’t possibly miss, so that it would be instant and painless.

He felt Cas’ disappointment and anger looming over him as he extended his arm. The muzzle of the gun was less than two feet from its target. Dean cocked it again and felt his stomach swoop at Y/N’s soft, quick inhale.

His finger caressed the trigger, a breath away from pulling it when from nowhere his little brother’s voice floated into his mind, a snippet of conversation he hadn’t thought of in almost a decade - from the first time they’d ever seen the virus.

“You know I’m gonna ask you why.” Sam had said, referring to the man Dean had left alive.

“Yeah, I know.”

“So, why? Why didn’t you do it?”

He hadn’t answered his brother then; he’d been too embarrassed to say that there had been something in his soul that wouldn’t let him shoot someone who wasn't yet a monster, even if it seemed inevitable that they would be.

But now, that same creeping feeling, that same cloying sense of wrong was pulling at his soul again. It shocked him and angered him that his soul was still capable of this dithering - this pansy-assed wavering - when his head knew without a doubt what had to be done.

With the same sick, frustrated feeling, however, Dean felt his arm drop. “Dammit.” He growled, just as he had then.

He backed away and saw Y/N’s eyes pop open, saw relief flood them just before he turned and stormed away. He barreled out of the cabin and heard Cas shout after him. But he kept marching forward, trying to get himself far away from the memories that had come there to haunt him. 

But with every step away from camp, with every inch he walked into the surrounding forest, his mother and brother’s faces became clearer in his mind until he finally just stopped abruptly. Giving a shout of pure fury, Dean pointed his gun at the dead leaves on the ground and unloaded his clip into the moist earth.

He was panting, teeth clenched, as he sensed someone approaching. He whirled around, instinctively pointing his empty gun towards the noise. But he immediately put it down when he saw it was Cas. 

Instead he walked up to him and shoved the angel backwards; though even with his powers gone, he didn’t move very far.

“Don’t fucking follow me.” Dean growled at him.

But Cas just stared at him and then a smile spread across his face. Dean scowled thunderously. “What the fuck could you possibly be smiling about?”

Cas shook his head and shrugged. “I just… thought he was gone, but he’s still there. Haven’t seen him in a long time.’

Dean’s expression was confused and pissed. “Thought who was gone?”

“My friend - Dean Winchester. I thought he was well and truly gone.” He repeated. “But it’s so good to see him again.” The angel’s brilliant blue eyes were beaming so bright, they almost seemed to be alight with grace once more.

Jensen RPF and Any/All Characters:

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Dean Fics Only:

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[burntsaltsblog]

tw: mentions of blood, mdni

Chapter Three

"We gotta to take her to the hospital."

"You know we can't do that."

"We can because she's fuckin' dying!"

My body felt like it was floating before my focus settled on a steady throb of pain in my lower stomach.

"Butcher, she's not dying. Her pulse is strong, and since I stitched her up, she hasn't bled whatsoever."

"Then, why the hell ain't she wakin' up?"

"Because she's exhausted. She lost a great amount of blood and wore herself out trying to fucking wrestle you in the van."

Blood.

That word caught my attention. I remembered blood and lots of it as it painted Butcher's knuckles a deep red.

"If she's not up in thirty minutes, I'm takin' her to the emergency room, end of story."

"Butcher, you, and I, and fucking Jesus Christ himself, know that if we step one foot into any medical facility, we will be taken into custody. It's not worth the risk."

"She is. She's worth the risk.

It was quiet for either a few minutes or a few hours. Both timeframes felt the same in my hazy state.

A long sigh broke the spell, followed by more dialogue. "Jo is ok, I promise you. Now, I need to grab the bag of fluids that I left in my room. While I'm gone, don't you dare think about running off with her. I am the only medical professional she needs right now."

Footsteps trailed off as my eyes slowly blinked open to take in my surroundings. I was in the basement of the pawn shop, on the couch that I was still convinced had bed bugs.

"Mornin', sunshine."

The Cockney accent drew my attention, and I looked up at Butcher's tired face. His hazel eyes bored into mine, and memories from earlier flooded my brain.

"Here ya' go," Butcher said, offering me a glass of water.

Upon attempting to sit up and accept the drink, I gasped as my abdomen screamed in pain.

"Woah, there. It's a little soon for you to be up and at 'em, doll. Here, lemme help ya'," Butcher said gently as he laid me back down on the couch and eased a hand under my head, propping it up so I could drink.

Grateful, I eagerly gulped the water, finishing the whole glass in mere seconds and earning a chuckle from Butcher.

"There, ya' go. Down the hatch."

He slowly lowered my head back on my pillow and placed the empty glass on the coffee table behind him before turning back to face me, studying my face in great detail.

"You gave us a right scare there, love."

"At least I know you guys care," I shrugged. "Now, when I do actually drop dead, I'll be expecting a funeral with the works—fireworks, I mean. See if you can get Celine Dion, too. I heard she's available."

I expected another laugh from Billy, but instead, he looked more solemn than ever. His eyes trailed down to where my shirt, a clean one without blood, rode up on my stomach, showing the gauze that MM had wrapped me in.

"I thought I had lost ya'," He mumbled.

It was quiet between us due to the fact that I didn't know how to react to Butcher's surprising words.

"I guess I can relate to the feeling," I finally said as my face hardened. "Since you left me for three months with no goodbye. I thought you were dead."

Butcher bowed his head, "Jo, you have no idea how much I fuckin' regret leaving ya'. But I had no other choice."

"You always have a choice, Butcher." My voice grew louder as my emotions rose in powerful waves. "And you didn't leave me. You fucking abandoned me!"

He cupped my face, but I turned my head, rejecting the physical affection. "Don't," I whispered. "It's too late. You can't just walk back in here and act like nothing happened. Like you didn't fuck me, and then throw me away like garbage the next day."

Butcher's nostrils flared as he rose to his impressive height, towering over me. "Now, listen here-"

"Ok, I'm breaking this up," MM called, reentering the room. "Jo is very weak right now, and I cannot allow her to undergo any extra stress."

"I'm not weak," I quipped back, whipping my head to gaze at MM as he leaned over the back of the couch.

Unconvinced, he asked, "Really? Let me see you try and stand up then."

When I didn't move to rise from the sofa, MM shook his head. "You need fluids and rest. Luckily, neither is hard to obtain." He held up a bag of fluids before hanging it on an IV stand next to him.

"Now," he continued, doling out commands. "Close your eyes and go to sleep. I'll check your stitches in a couple of hours."

"But I'm not tired," I argued.

"The bags under your eyes say otherwise."

"Well, this couch is uncomfortable," I grumbled. "It hurts my back."

"Alright, we'll get you to your room then," MM sighed.

Before I could stop him, Butcher scooped me up into his arms, and I protested loudly. "Hey, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Oi, shut your pie hole," he whispered harshly, fanning the side of my face with his breath that stank of whiskey and dominance. "I'm takin' care of you whether ya' like it or not."

I fought an internal battle before closing my lips and fixing my eyes into narrow slits.

"Good girl."

Air was quickly expelled from my lungs as I exhaled, willing myself not to rub my legs together as an ache settled between them.

But it was no use. Butcher knew the effect he had on me, and from the corner of my eye, I could see a smirk plastered on his face as he carried me to my room, full of arrogance after winning our little quarrel.

"Dontcha worry, darlin'. When you're on your feet again, you can beat me up for being the bad man that I am."

I didn't respond because I refused to be baited into another argument with Butcher. Instead, I kept a pout in place and stared straight ahead, thinking of all the ways that I could cause him physical harm. After all, he had just given me permission to, and it was proving to be quite invigorating.

"And maybe when you're all done, you'll fancy bending over and lettin' me enjoy a meal or two. Because if my memory serves me, you seemed to enjoy it last time."

"Well, the last time was the only time," I curtly informed him as Butcher gently dropped me down on my bed. I inwardly chastised myself for falling for his trap when he flashed his crazy eyes above me.

"Mhm, that's what they all say."

"Well, I mean it," I snapped, pulling my blanket up to my chin as if it would shield me from Butcher's snarky words.

"Sure ya' do," Butcher said condescendingly as he patted me on the head before leaving the room.

I was relieved to be out of his company and was disappointed when he returned, the IV stand with the bag of fluids still hanging from it in tow and other needed supplies grasped in his hand. I watched as he prepared the IV tubing before he sat down on the edge of my bed and huffed, "Give me your arm."

"Why can't MM do it?" I sulked.

"Because I'm doin' it," he replied in a matter-of-fact manner.

I grumbled under my breath, clearly displeased. As I reluctantly drew my arm from under the blanket's coverage, Butcher looked at me with a bushy brow raised. "What? You don't think I'm a suitable nurse?"

"Well, your bedside manners leave much to be desired."

"That's funny. All my other patients think I'm perfectly charmin', especially the older ladies. I didn't know I appealed to nans so much," he snickered, running a calloused finger over my arm, searching for an appropriate vein.

"I'm surprised you appeal to anyone."

"I guess ya' should be questionin' your own taste then, eh?"

"Believe me, I am."

Butcher didn't reply as he wrapped a small piece of fabric around my bicep, creating a makeshift tourniquet.

"Don't look, ok, doll?" he instructed, swiping a cotton ball covered in rubbing alcohol over my arm. My nose wrinkled at the strong smell, and I coughed.

"I don't need an IV," I said, trying to negotiate at the last minute. "I'll drink lots of water. Even that gross electrolyte shit MM buys."

"I don't think that's gonna to cut it, sweetheart," he stated, sliding the needle inside of the small catheter.

I bit my lip, trying to resign myself to my fate but failing miserably.

"M'not gonna hurt ya', ok? Just look at the ceilin' so you don't maul me to death."

"It's not like you wouldn't deserve it."

Butcher closed his eyes as I began to tread on his nerves. "Princess, you outta think before you speak that way to someone who's holdin' a very sharp object inches from you, yeah?"

"But you won't hurt me. You just said so yourself."

"Doesn't mean I'm not tempted."

I rolled my eyes and held my breath as I followed Butcher's wishes and looked at the ceiling. I winced slightly when I felt the needle initially enter my arm, but Butcher gently ran his free hand over my shoulder, distracting me.

"Atta girl," he breathed. "You're doin' so good."

My body trembled as I floated down from my last orgasm. I was vaguely aware of Butcher as he pulled me to lay on his chest, both of us panting.

"Y'alright, sweetheart?"

I could barely reply as my eyelids fluttered open and closed. My mind was full of various thoughts, but none of them made sense as my head floated somewhere above the rest of my body.

"Look at me, doll," Butcher said, running a hand through my hair. "Lemme see them pretty eyes."

I mustered all of my strength to peel my eyes open as I looked up at Billy with a lazy smile on my face.

"There she is. Atta girl," Butcher whispered. "You did so good for me."

Even in my delirious state, I keened under his praise, and Butcher chuckled at my reaction.

"My beautiful girl," he murmured as I nuzzled into his neck, nodding off in the arms of someone I loved.

Yes, I loved Billy Butcher.

He just didn't know it yet.

I held my breath as I forced myself to count the questionable yellow spots on the ceiling and not get lost in yet another memory of Butcher pretending to cherish me. I had just reached the twelfth discolored splotch when Butcher sat back and said, "All done, love."

I looked down at my arm and furrowed my brows in confusion when I saw the catheter fully inserted with some tape to keep it in place. Aside from the initial insertion, I hadn't felt the rest of the procedure.

"Told ya' it wouldn't hurt," Butcher said proudly, crossing his arms over his broad chest, reading my thoughts, which were clearly displayed on my face.

"I guess you're not the worst nurse in the world," I relented.

Butcher's mouth curled up at the side, and I knew my meager compliment had inflated his already oversized ego.

"Well, ain't that sweet of you to say. But don't tell MM, alright? He prides himself on his medical skills."

Butcher delicately adjusted my blanket, pulling it tighter and tucking me in for the night. "Now you have a little lie-down, love. And dontcha let those manky bedbugs bite."

"Are you going to read me a bedtime story while you're at it?" I inquired.

"The only stories I like to tell aren't appropriate for bedtime," Butcher whispered, winking at me.

He headed for the open doorway before turning around at the last second. "Oh, and if ya' need help countin' sheep, just give me a shout. I'll be on the other side of the wall."

I nodded before curling up on my side, trying not to tug too hard on my IV as the door creaked shut, signaling that I was alone. The light from the living room drifted under the doorway, providing a makeshift nightlight and illuminating the small, dingy room.

Sleep came surprisingly soon, and I drifted off, dreaming of Billy's heartbeat under my ear as he held me in his arms.

༺༻

It felt like only minutes later when I woke up due to the sensation of someone's hands on my stomach, and I flinched as my eyes flew open.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," MM apologized. "I was just checking your stitches," he explained as he pulled the bandage back over my abdomen and quickly did the same with my shirt and blanket.

"How does it look?" I asked hesitantly as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"So far, it's holding. But it wasn't my best work with Frenchie going ninety miles an hour and you...evading my help," he sighed.

"Sorry about that," I mumbled sheepishly.

"Hey, don't worry about it, kid. We all have something we're scared of. If I were being held down against my will while someone coughed in my face, I'd have done everything I could to knock their fucking teeth out."

My smile was small as I nodded in gratitude. "What time is it?" I inquired, wondering what day it was as well.

"Noon."

"Noon?" My eyes grew wide as I ran a hand through my matted hair. "Fuck, I must've slept for almost nine hours." Which was rare. These days, I was lucky if I slept for two hours consecutively with the anxiety that ran through my veins and the threats that loomed over our heads.

"Ten, actually. I told you your body needed rest."

I was preparing a comeback when my stomach grumbled loudly, interrupting the conversation.

MM rose to his feet. "By the sound of it, it seems you might want some breakfast. Frenchie made you a get-well gift in the form of French toast. Are you interested?" he asked, and my ears perked up at the offer.

"Sounds really good, actually."

He nodded, patting my shoulder. "Ok. Butcher will be in to help you up."

I groaned loudly, and MM couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry, kid, but Butcher made us all swear not to touch you. I was only granted special permission on the basis that it was purely medical so I could check your stitches."

"He's being ridiculous," I scowled.

MM regarded me knowingly. "I think I'd probably call it something else."

I rolled my eyes, and MM laughed again as he exited my room, leaving the door open.

I barely had time to prepare myself for Butcher's imposing presence when he glided through the uninhibited doorway with a cheery greeting on his tongue.

"Rise and shine, my love. How are we feelin' this mornin?" His accent was especially thick as he wasted no time in raking my blanket back.

I yanked the fuzzy material back over myself, glaring up at the Brit, but he just retaliated by gripping the blanket in one of his paw-like hands and tossing it across the small room.

I eyed the pile of fabric I was unable to retrieve due to my current injury and whined, "Don't leave it on the floor. I just washed it." But I was soon distracted by the chair that sat in the corner facing my bed. I didn't remember seeing that yesterday.

"Who's chair is that?" I asked, pivoting the conversation.

"Mine," Butcher replied as he carefully pulled my IV out and wheeled the IV stand out of the way. "You'll have to forgive me for bringin' my chair in, but I haven't figured out how to sleep standin' up yet."

"You slept in here last night?"

"Well, I don't have bloody x-ray vision, so how else was I s'pposed to keep an eye on you, eh?"

"Did it ever occur to you that not checking on me at all was a viable option?"

"Not in my book," he responded sharply before changing the subject. "Now, let's getcha up. According to MM, you're fancyin' some of Frenchie's cookin'."

Butcher slid an arm under my lower back and slowly pulled me into a sitting position.

"Easy does it, love," he said as I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed through the discomfort. "You got it."

I swung my legs over the side of the bed so my feet rested on the floor, and I braced my palms on my thighs, trying to steady myself.

"Take your time, ok? I don't need ya' rippin' your stitches under my watch," he advised as he laced our hands together and pulled until I was standing on my own two feet. My vision blacked out for a second as the blood rushed from my head down to the rest of my body, and I teetered forward, falling into Butcher's muscular chest.

"I've got ya' sweetheart," he assured me as he held my unstable frame against him.

I pulled back when my vision returned, and I looked up into Butcher's attentive face. "I'm dizzy," I mumbled.

"S'ok. MM said that's normal," he assured me softly, tucking my tangled hair behind my ear.

I wanted to chastise myself for enjoying Butcher's tenderness, but I simply didn't have the energy as I nodded, trying to turn toward the door.

"Do ya' think you can walk?" he asked, resting a protective hand on my back. I'm more than happy to carry you."

"I don't need a chauffeur. I'm perfectly capable of walking," I said, stumbling forward a few steps. I was determined to do something on my own after being coddled for the past twenty-four hours.

Butcher didn't reply, but he didn't remove his hand either in the event that I should fall again. That only increased the pressure I felt to walk faster and show him I was strong enough to move about without any help.

I finally made it out into the open area of the basement and was greeted by everyone. Hughie, Kimiko, and MM wore encouraging smiles as Frenchie placed a tall plate of French toast topped with whipped cream on the coffee table.

"Pour toi, Mademoiselles," Frenchie announced, and I thanked him profusely.

Under Butcher's watchful eye, I eased myself down on the couch, and he quickly followed suit. He placed a supportive arm around my shoulders, and I would've made a snarky comment about him being clingy, but his arm was the only thing keeping me upright at the moment, so I kept my mouth shut.  

Butcher placed my breakfast in my lap and whispered in my ear, "Do ya' need me to cut it for you, princess?"

I used all my energy to elbow him in his side, and he breathed out a laugh before addressing the room. "Alright you twats. Let's have a little chin wag about tonight."

My head shot up in confusion as I chewed the first bite of my French toast. The wonderful medley of sugar and cinnamon coated my tongue. However, I couldn't focus on Frenchie's superb culinary skills when the group began discussing a mission to which I was not privy.

"Ok, so after a little bit of trouble due to a very annoying firewall, I was able to hack their systems, and I found a blueprint of the building, so we'll be able to locate her office quicker than just going in blindly," Hughie said, squatting next to the coffee table and spreading out the blueprint that he had just spoken of.

"Who's office?" I interrupted.

Hughie looked confusedly at Butcher, who had remained silent beside me. "You didn't tell her?"

"Tell me what?" I asked skeptically, turning my head to look at Butcher, and he sighed.

"We're breakin' into Raynor's office to have a look around before the CIA cleans it out. Word on the street is that they're doin' it tomorrow, so we've gotta go tonight."

"And you decided this without me?" I asked incredulously.

"You were knocked out, love. Was I s'pposed to wake ya' up in the middle of the night? You're always moaning about how ya' need your beauty sleep."

"Well, that wouldn't have been difficult considering you were two feet away watching me like a fucking peeping tom," I snapped before glaring at the rest of the room. "I'm coming with you."

"No," Butcher said sternly. "You aren't goin' anywhere."

"Yes, I am," I pressed.

I felt Butcher's fingers tighten around my shoulder. "Let's talk about this later, yeah?" he suggested.

"Talk about what later? The mission that I was unaware of or the fact that you won't fucking leave me alone?"

I should've seen it coming, but I was still thrown off when Butcher suddenly stood from the sofa, leaving me to crumple against it without his support. He then stomped to the other side of the basement, only stopping when he reached the corner and sneered at me. "Is this better?"

"Expanetuily," I bit back, clutching my abdomen as it tensed up under the new strain as I stood as well, not finished with what I had to say on the matter. I thought I was holding up well until MM swore, rushing to my side and forcing me to sit back down.

Bemewsed by his behavior, I tried to question him, but when he pulled up my shirt, I saw blood seeping through the gauze, and my heart plummeted.

I had ripped my stitches.

"Hughie, go into my room. On my desk, you will find some supplies. Bring them to me," MM instructed as he made quick work of pulling back the now-damp gauze.

"Fuck, it's worse than what I thought," he sighed. "Nice going, Butcher," he said, throwing a dirty look over his shoulder at his boss, who had remained standing in the corner.

The dig forced Butcher into action as he footed it over to us. "Fuck you. Clearly, I didn't do it on bloody purpose."

"Just get out," MM barked as he accepted the supplies from Hughie.

"No, I'm stayin'," Butcher argued obstinantely.

MM pinched the bridge of his nose. "Butcher, Jo is clearly upset by you being here. So stop being a stubborn motherfucker and get the fuck out."

Butcher's gaze fell on me as lines formed between his thick brows in concern. I knew he was waiting for me to beg him to stay, but I wouldn't do it. His comfort was something I craved like a drug, and it was about time I got clean. Plus, I couldn't deny the sick urge I had to hurt him, to push him away like he did to me when he left for three months.

"Fine," Butcher uttered slowly when I remained silent, "I'll let you other cunts dry this one's tears when she's fuckin' beside herself over a goddamn needle and a little bit of blood."

He pivoted around and swept up the stairs. Seconds later, the old building shook as Butcher forcefully slammed the door.

It was quiet after Butcher's dramatic exit, and MM shook his head, running a needle through a lighter. The deja vu I felt was painfully prominent.

"You ready to try this again, kid?"

₊ . ⋆ ⁺ ݃ ⁺ ⋆ . ₊ ₊ . ⋆ ⁺ ݃ ⁺ ⋆ . ₊ ₊ . ⋆ ⁺ ݃ ⁺ ⋆ . ₊ ₊ . ⋆ ⁺ ݃ ⁺ ⋆ . ₊ ₊ . ⋆ ⁺ ݃ ⁺ ⋆ . ₊

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[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Hi 👋😁 I love the request you did for me with “Too Sweet” and there’s another song that I definitely feel like it’s Eddie called “Your Stupid Face”, I recommend it, and I was wondering if you could do a one-shot or maybe even a two-parter based on that song? Here’s a link to have a listen to it if you want so you know what I mean.

Request by @randomreader1999

♥️💌

God, you hate Eddie Munson and his stupid face.

He has doe eyes. And you're not gazing at him all love-struck or anything, (okay you totally are) but that's not the point, the point is you've always noticed that Eddie had pretty eyes but they've never made you feel this entranced before.

He's gonna notice you're gawking at him idiot you tell yourself and shit, that would be mortifying if he did notice. Fortunately, he's too wrapped up in taking to the rest of Hellfire, his hands gesticulating widely as he teases the rest of the group with what's coming up.

If Eddie did notice you staring then it would be bad, humiliation on a grand scale because you and Eddie? You absolutely do not get on. In fact, for a year you hated his stupid face, his overdramatic expressions and gestures, and the way he seemed to know how to push your buttons.

It had taken you a while to realise that you liked Eddie, and his stupidly handsome face and over-the-top gestures. That was something you refused to admit though as the two of you were like chalk and cheese at the best of times.

He had grown on you, like a fungus as Robin so unhelpfully pointed out.

When he wasn't around you were reminded of him constantly, all his little quirks. The minute you see him again it's like your whole body lights up. It was highly embarrassing.

You were taking that secret to your grave, there was no way that anyone was finding out how much you went all love-struck over Eddie freaking Munson.

💌

Eddie hated you and your stupid face. Okay, that was a lie, at least it had been for the last month or so. Annoyingly Eddie couldn't stop thinking of you and that was horrifying in itself. The two of you were complete opposites, went together like oil and water.

Or at least so Eddie thought. Turns out you had a sweet side, you were beautiful and feisty and sarcastic and Eddie liked all of that.

He also liked arguing with you and seeing your eyes burn with annoyance, the need to one-up him and get the last word. It really turned Eddie on if he was being honest, Jesus H Christ he was so screwed.

The rest of Hellfire took the piss out of him about it, Dustin and Gareth had clocked that Eddie liked you way before Eddie did. Though it might have been obvious because both of you couldn't stay away from each other.

When Eddie wasn't around you, he felt lost. He didn't like feeling like that. You obviously had more effect on him than he realised. Even his Uncle Wayne had noticed the tension between the two of you and that knowing smirk wouldn't leave his face for weeks.

"Boy, you got a crush on that girl or something? Could have sworn your cheeks went red just now"

Nope, nope. He was not letting his uncle tease him about that. It was bad enough that he was attracted to you in the first place, he didn't need all of Hellfire, Uncle Wayne and even that band kid Robin teasing him now.

His best bet was to avoid you until this crush went away. (Although if he was being honest he doubted that would be anytime soon)

...♥️

Fuck, you and Eddie had kissed. One minute the two of you were in some argument then the next minute the two of you were kissing.

It was a stupid argument. To be honest you couldn't remember what it was about. Just that Eddie was as dramatic as usual and you thought he was annoying and hot in equal measure.

Also, he had been avoiding you and that didn't help your traitor heart that ached when he wasn't around.

Then during the argument, he said something stupid and that caused you to rant at him, midway through your rant you noticed the awed look on Eddie's face and the argument died in your throat.

"You know you're beautiful when you're all bossy and shit?" That was the catalyst for the kiss the two of you shared. A hot, messy, perfect kiss.

And now he was avoiding you and you were sure it was because he regretted kissing you.

So as usual you traded insults and hated the bone-deep hurt that nestled inside of you when Eddie insulted you right back.

Maybe he really did hate you? you had fucked up by continuing the kiss that was just a mistake on his end.

God you hated him and his stupidly perfect face.

...

All you wanted was five minutes of peace. Just some time to yourself to process this strange week you've been having.

Of course, Eddie would never let you away with not seeing his dopey face for longer than a few minutes, he walks up to you and you feel tense, was he here to yell at you or use more barbed insults to hurt you?.

Maybe you should have picked a better spot to have some time to yourself than in the woods. Isn't this where he did most of his dealings and stuff?

You're braced for some form of an argument but soften when you notice how gentle his gaze is while on you.

"Why are you here Eddie?" You sigh and look up at the face you've grown to love, really love.

"I've been an asshole. Avoiding you and avoiding talking about the kiss, acting like it meant nothing when it meant everything, I've never felt like this before and it's scary sweetheart, especially because I've spent so long denying my feelings and thinking I hated you"

Oh well shit. You weren't expecting this.

"I haven't been a saint either, I've been burying my feelings and trying to go back to normal and insulting you when all I really wanted to do was kiss your annoyingly gorgeous stupid face" he smiles at that part. "And maybe even date you" you tack on at the end.

He gapes incredulous. "You still wanna date me?" he sounds so surprised that you snort, stand up and lace you're fingers through his.

"Eh, maybe I'm an idiot or something for agreeing to this but I get that you were scared Eddie. I've never felt like this either but I want to explore this, be with you, with the rule that we actually talk to each other about our feelings instead of avoiding them". Suddenly Eddie's grinning and he takes your free hand and kisses it, like a perfect gentleman.

"Request granted my lovely maiden" You roll your eyes but secretly like how sweet he is and kiss him gently.

"Come on Eddie, you owe me a milkshake or two"

And if Eddie followed you like a love-sick puppy afterwards well then that was something he would not repeat to anyone, he had a reputation to uphold after all.

Between the two of you though he admitted he missed you and your stupidly perfect face.

♥️

[hollandorks]

haven

battinson! bruce wayne x f! reader

chapter seven

Summary: After the sudden deaths of your mother and grandmother, you’re forced to return home to Gotham…and to the man who broke your heart three years ago. Back in Bruce Wayne’s inescapable orbit, you vow to get to the bottom of your former best friend’s new cold personality. But Bruce’s secrets aren’t what you’re expecting. a

a/n: Fuck it, here's chapter 7 since the previous post was technically just an interlude! Once again I'm basically begging for comments/ messages/ any interaction other than just likes because I'm greedy!

Series Masterlist

word count: 3.5k

All she had was an eager cop, a detective, and the detective’s vigilante best friend. 

She hoped it would be enough.

Y/n knew that boredom would be her worst enemy, so she downloaded a police scanner app and listened to it almost religiously while she worked. The constant stream of voices helped keep the grief at bay and helped her focus. 

To her surprise, the cops seemed to want Batman around. There were a couple of calls those first couple of days–an armed robbery and a creep taking pictures through a window–where the officers mentioned him by name. He’d stopped the armed robbery before the cops got there and also caught the peeping Tom. One cop grumbled on the radio how all their work was being taken by some guy in a costume. The rest of them jumped to Batman's defense, saying there was more than enough crime to go around. “Besides,” one chuckled. “I wouldn't want to be the one to catch some creep with his dick out.” 

Y/n was almost pleased to hear the good relationship the vigilante had with GCPD. She wondered how much Gordon had to do with that. She made a few notes of their comments for her article, because it was definitely interesting to see that a city wanted a guy who operated outside the law around. 

It was a few nights before an interesting call came through. 

A witness reported a woman being shot. A young woman. The details were sparse but it was enough to pique her interest.

Y/n couldn’t say what it was that had her dressing warmly and grabbing her camera and phone. Stupidity, definitely. But it was one of those moments where she felt in her gut that something was happening, something related to her case.

Pepper spray clutched in one hand and camera in the other, she left the safety of Wayne Tower. Every shadow made her jump. She called a cab to take her to the crime scene–or at least as close as she could get. It was practically on the other side of the city and she definitely didn’t want to chance walking alone at night in Gotham. 

They were stopped two blocks from the scene, so she got out and peered around. It looked like the actual crime scene was on the other side of an apartment building to her right, but that alley was blocked off as was the street in front of her. So she walked a little further down to the next connecting alley to get to one street over. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Shit!” She screamed. She whirled and swung her arm up to use the mace, but her wrist was quickly caught in an iron grip. She tried to scramble away and almost fell when the hand suddenly released her.

Her heart only slightly calmed when she saw who it was. 

The Batman. 

She pressed her knuckles to her chest. Her heart was jumping out of her chest. “Jesus fucking Christ. What are you doing here?” 

He watched her passively, half in the shadows. He had stepped away as soon as he let her go. “I asked first.” 

She closed her eyes for a beat and inhaled a steadying breath. “Probably the same thing you’re doing here.” She shrugged. Her pulse was still racing but she knew she was safe now. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. And besides, there were about a million cops just around the corner. If she screamed, they would come. 

“It’s too dangerous,” he growled. He took a half-step forward, like he would grab her again. 

She held up the pepper spray. “Not afraid to use this on you, buddy. Besides, you’re here now to keep me safe. And the other fifty cops out there.” 

He stopped. His eyes narrowed. She wanted to get closer, see what color they were, help narrow down who might be underneath the mask. 

“Fine, let’s go.” He started to walk past her, towards the blue and red lights at the end of the alley. 

She blinked in surprise. “That was easy.” 

He looked back over his shoulder at her. “Only because you’re going to do what you want to do. At least this way I can keep an eye out for you.” 

She grinned and winked. “You’re learning already.” 

They walked down the alley together, her shadowy protector moving to stay one step behind her like a bodyguard. 

At the end of the alley, the world was leached of color in the whirling red and blue lights, the flashes timed almost perfectly to the beat of her heart. She snapped a quick wide picture. She could see the area cordoned off with bright yellow tape. 

“Well, of all the officers in all of Gotham,” she said pleasantly when she spied Martinez keeping onlookers away from the crime scene tape. 

Officer Martinez’s young face brightened when he saw her, then changed comically fast when he peered over her shoulder. She could feel the Batman’s presence at her back, looming over her. 

“She’s with me,” the vigilante said. Martinez sighed but held up the tape to let them under. She sensed there was a story between them and itched to find out what it was. 

“If either of you touch anything…” Martinez grumbled. “It’s my neck.” 

Y/n flashed him her most winning smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep the big guy in line.” Martinez grinned back. 

“So Martinez doesn’t like you, huh?” she asked the vigilante.

He ignored her. 

The air around them was humid, wet. It must have rained earlier, like most nights in Gotham. A few cop cars were leaving already. She wondered what had brought on the intense response. Her stomach tightened as they approached another alley. Gordon was talking to a young guy, late teens to early twenties, taking notes on a small notepad as the guy wiped at his face. 

Y/n quickly fumbled for her phone and set it to record. She wasn’t making the same mistake twice. Except for, well, the whole leaving Wayne Tower late at night while a murderer might be after her mistake she’d already made. She snapped another sneaky picture of Gordon and the young man. 

She caught Batman watching her and arched an eyebrow as if daring him to say anything. 

He simply turned away and said, “Gordon.” 

“Thank you,” Gordon said to who she assumed was a witness. “We’ll be in touch.” 

The guy hurried off, shoulders hunched, his face almost green. 

Gordon turned, saw her, and sighed. “I would ask, but…”

She winked. “You’re both learning so quickly. I’m proud.” 

“What happened?” Batman asked, all business. Y/n glanced past Gordon and saw a body covered in a sheet. The medical examiner was unzipping a body bag, about to transport it. 

The detective’s attention turned to the vigilante. “Single gunshot to the head at close range. Woman in her thirties walking home from work. Guy heard the gunshots and came running. Said he didn’t see the shooter but immediately called it in. Unfortunately, his dinner has…contaminated part of the scene.” 

While they were talking, y/n quietly lifted her camera and started taking pictures. 

The medical examiner lifted the sheet. She took another picture but paused. 

She took a shaky step back and bumped into something. Gloved hands steadied her by her elbows. 

“Oh,” Batman said softly. He put it together quicker than she had. Her brain was scrambling to keep up. The girl on the ground was a bloody mess, face down, legs sprawled like she’d tried to run. She was wearing a similar outfit to y/n–leggings, sweater, running shoes. 

But that wasn’t where the similarities ended. 

The height, the body shape, the hair color, even the shade of her skin…

The woman looked like y/n. 

She didn’t realize she was shaking until Batman gently squeezed her elbows. 

“Shit,” Gordon said. He must not have seen the body when he first arrived on the scene. 

“Don’t look,” Batman said in her ear, pulling her away, his voice conjuring–of all people–Bruce Wayne. It was just her mind reaching for something familiar, comfortable, safe. She shook the thought away. The vigilante turned her around and held her close. “Don’t look,” he said again. 

She closed her eyes against the wave of emotion. Her stomach swooped dangerously. She’d seen a dead body or two before but not–not like this. 

“Guess we have confirmation, then,” Gordon said softly. She didn’t have to ask what confirmation they had. She knew already, her gut telling her what exactly had happened despite its churning. 

Someone had killed that woman because it looked like her. 

They knew what she looked like. They knew well enough to kill someone even with the chance it might not be her. 

Which meant they were desperate and that it was only a matter of time before they found her. 

“Come on, you need to get out of here,” Gordon said, and this time he had her by the arm. He pulled her along, the vigilante cutting a path through the crowd before them. 

Her mind was blank. The shock of seeing a body, of imaging her own in its place, had wiped everything clean. She didn’t protest as Gordon bundled her into the passenger seat of his car. At least he didn’t put me in the back like a criminal, she thought almost deliriously. 

Batman stood in the open door, staring down at her. She wasn’t sure when he’d gotten there but now he was filling her vision. Her eyes traced the planes of his armor, wondering what he looked like underneath, who he was. There were dings and scrapes in places, physical memories of past fights. 

“I’m going to find who did this,” he said. His voice pitched impossibly lower. “And keep an eye out for you.” 

This made her snap out of it. “You can’t be in two places at once.” He had black paint around his eyes. She hadn’t noticed before. 

The barest smirk on his lips as he looked away. She couldn’t tell what color his eyes were in the darkness of the night. “You don’t know that for sure.” 

She snorted. “You’re right. Maybe you’re some sort of mutant freak. Besides dressing like a bat, you know.” Despite the joking, her hands shook. She tucked them between her thighs. 

“Listen,” he said, serious again. There was a note of steel in the word. His voice was so low she could feel it as a vibration on her skin. “Stop sneaking out at night. It’s too dangerous.” 

She nodded vaguely but didn’t actually make the promise. If they wanted her dead, Wayne Tower wasn’t going to stop them. Slow them down, maybe, but not stop them. She needed to put the puzzle pieces together, and fast. They were getting closer to figuring out who she was, but she and Gordon and even the Batman only vaguely knew who they were dealing with. They needed to even the score. 

“Then give me your phone number so you can be my bodyguard,” she said. She was half teasing. 

The Batman seemed to consider it. Her eyes went past him as the gurney passed with the body on it. She shuddered and he stepped to block her view. 

“If you have to leave, let Gordon know and one of us will come. But only if you have to.” 

“Right,” she scoffed. “You’re allergic to texting.” And probably don’t want a reporter having your phone number, she silently added. 

Batman stepped back and then Gordon was there. He put one hand on the top of the car and leaned in, expression as serious as she’d ever seen it. “I’m taking you straight home and you’re going to stay there, alright?” 

She waved a hand but nodded. Satisfied, he shut the passenger door. She could hear muffled voices as he said something to Batman. Probably berating him for bringing her to the crime scene in the first place. Or telling him something he didn’t want her to hear. 

Within a couple of minutes, Gordon was sliding behind the wheel. 

“How’d you even know where to go?” he asked as they drove. 

“Police scanner app.” 

He glanced over at her. “I hate those things,” he muttered. “What happened to quid pro quo? I would have called you.” 

She bit her lip and shrugged. “I can’t just sit around waiting for someone to shoot me in the head.” She shivered at the image she now had of what, exactly, that looked like. 

“So you’re going to take yourself right to their doorstep instead?” 

“With the way my luck is going lately, it’s only a matter of time anyway. Might as well get as much done as I can first.” She hated to be so casual about it, but she had had really shit luck lately. There was no use hiding from it. If she didn’t leave Wayne Tower, they would probably find a way to break in. Or send a sniper after her. She thought about the times she’d leaned against the windows in the study and a chill went up her spine. 

“All you’ve done is traumatize yourself and give me a headache,” he said around a sigh. He really did sound like a tired dad half the time, she mused. She leaned her head back and watched the dark streets of Gotham pass by. She was reminded of another night in Gotham, years ago, on the back of a motorcycle with Bruce. 

She pushed the memory away and said, “I’ll pay for a bottle of ibuprofen.” 

Gordon laughed softly. “Listen, I know you reporter types are always rushing into danger, but this is your life. Can’t write the story if you’re dead. Text me if you have to go anywhere, and either I’ll come or send someone I trust.” 

“Okay,” she said. “But if it takes too long I might leave anyway.” She smiled so he would know she was at least partially kidding. “Have you learned anything new?” 

Gordon was silent for so long she knew it was bad news. He parked right in front of Wayne Tower–illegally, she might add. 

He turned to face her, his hands idly resting on his knees. “It’s definitely the Gallo family. And another of the suspects we caught is dead. Apparent suicide, but we aren’t so sure. The third one is under around the clock protection, but…”  

“Shit,” she said. Now she was the one with a headache. “That is…bad.” 

“Can you see why I want you to stay home now?” he asked pleadingly. “Like it or not, I’m responsible for keeping you alive. If we can catch the last guy and get him and the other to trial…you’re an important witness. The only witness.” 

“Aw, and here I was thinking you were starting to like me.”

A tightening at the corners of his mouth told her he was trying not to smile. “Let me walk you upstairs.” 

“Do you see all the security in there? I’ll be fine.” She gestured towards the lobby. It definitely looked more like a swanky prison these days, even at night when no employees were in the lower floors of the building. 

“I wanted to see if I could talk to Bruce Wayne.” 

Y/n did a double take. Just the sound of his name made her stomach tighten almost painfully. “Why? To tattle on me? Bruce Wayne is not my keeper. He’s not my anything.” She immediately bit her tongue. She’d said too much with that last sentence, let too much of her hurt and bitterness in. 

“I want to talk to him about his security, see if we can bolster it with our officers somehow.” Gordon was already up and out of the car. She scrambled to keep up, briefly getting caught in her seatbelt before yanking it off and hopping out. 

Gordon flashed his badge to the security. They all relaxed not at seeing it, but at seeing y/n. 

“You better talk to Alfred then, if he’s awake. He’s more in charge of that stuff than Bruce. He’s with me, it’s fine.” She said the last part to the concerned security guard–the new one whose name she still hadn’t learned, the one who had called the police for her the night she’d witnessed the murders. He was in charge of the night shift security, apparently. She wondered if he resented being the only guy at the desk at night to having a whole team around. Or maybe it was less lonely. 

Gordon followed her into the private residential elevator. “Be that as it may, I’d like to speak to Mr. Wayne too.” 

She sighed but hit the button to take them up to the residential part of Wayne Tower. “You really sound like a dad,” she muttered under her breath. 

Gordon cut his eyes at her then smiled. 

The elevators opened, and there was Alfred, already dressed and waiting. Security must have called up, warning him the detective was coming. Had he even gone to bed? She was starting to think that Alfred might be nocturnal. Or maybe he didn’t sleep at all. That was new–she and Bruce had gotten in trouble many times when they were younger for interrupting his precious sleep. These days he always seemed to be dressed impeccably, even late at night. 

“Detective,” Alfred said pleasantly. He briefly narrowed his eyes at her. “How can I help you?” 

Y/n idly scuffed her foot against the floor, suddenly feeling like a teenager again. She had always been caught either sneaking out or sneaking back in. Alfred had a knack for it. Or maybe she wasn’t as good as Bruce had been, who had been caught only twice that she could remember. 

Gordon nodded politely. “Is Mr. Wayne feeling better? I’d like to talk to the both of you.” 

“I would like to add here that it’s not sneaking out if I’m a grown woman,” y/n said helpfully. 

Alfred’s eyes narrowed again before he turned his focus back to Gordon. “Mr. Wayne is out.” 

Now y/n was narrowing her eyes at Alfred. He caught her looking. She raised one eyebrow. Was he street racing again? She remembered the bruises on his knuckles. Or part of an illegal fight club? Neither would surprise her. 

Another thought struck and stole her breath. 

Maybe Bruce had a girlfriend. 

“Do you know when he’ll be back?” Gordon asked. His tone was carefully neutral. 

“Well, as I was just told, the rules are different for grown men–and women. He comes and goes as he pleases and rarely includes me in his plans.” Alfred was being too professional with it. His tone was too flat. Oh yeah, Bruce was definitely up to something, and Alfred definitely knew exactly what it was. Fuck, she thought desperately. She couldn’t breathe. Alfred would know if Bruce had a girlfriend and he knew her well enough to hide it from her. 

Why did the thought of Bruce with another woman hurt so much, even three years later? I don’t love you and I never will, he had said that night. 

Which meant he was perfectly capable of loving someone else. 

Y/n bit her lip until the pain made the panic recede. 

“Of course,” Gordon said in an equally flat, professional tone. “I wanted to chat about security measures. There was another murder tonight, and while I can’t give details of an ongoing investigation…it definitely seems like y/n is a target.” 

She cringed, remembering how eerily similar the body had been to hers. Who had the woman been? She hadn’t gotten a name, an age. But she felt like she should know these things if the woman had died in her place. What if she was only the first? Would they kill every woman who looked close enough to y/n before they caught her?

Alfred blinked in surprise, the professional facade slipping. “I–of course, let’s go into my office.” 

Y/n wanted to go with them but decided against it. It really would be smarter to listen to Gordon. If she needed to leave, she would get an escort, even if it was Alfred. He may walk with a cane but she knew he was secretly pretty spry. He’d been a spy or soldier or something in his younger years, before coming to work for the Waynes. 

“Goodnight, Alfred,” she said, taking a half-step towards the hall that led to her room. “And thanks, Gordon.” 

They both nodded and bid her goodnight before disappearing towards the study. 

Y/n waited a second then darted to the elevator. The other elevator. Bruce’s. 

She didn’t really have a plan other than to see with her own two eyes that Bruce was gone and not just hiding. 

She hit the button for what was once the garage and again, nothing happened. She frowned at it and hit it several more times. Still nothing. 

What if Bruce was down there with a woman, showing her his cars? Or–She shut the thought down and mashed the button one more time, knowing it was futile. 

With a curse, she stepped back out. 

Fine, she would go to bed and leave Bruce alone. It didn’t matter if he was wrecking illegally souped up cars or beating someone’s face in and following the first rule of fight club. It didn’t matter if he was with a woman he might love more than he ever loved her. 

It didn’t matter. He didn’t matter.

Except, as much as she hated to admit it, he did.

Next Chapter

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[chasedbyatlantic]

when you wash your hair, joel miller

summary: IN WHICH — you decide to surprise a sleeping joel after you've been working all day outside of jackson's walls, but it doesn't go as you plan.

warnings: gender neutral x joel miller, post outbreak!joel, jackson!joel, mentions of you and joel in a relationship, sub!joel, joel has ptsd, joel almost hurts reader (doesn't tho so dw!), lots of fluff at the end, cute ending, lots of swearing, ellie being annoying as per usual LOL. lmk if there’s anything i missed <3

wordcount: 2.6k

a/n: hiiii this is my very first fic on tumblr! i have been obsessed w/ tlou for the LONGEST time now so why not start writing for my fav fictional mass murderer? anyway- hope u guys enjoy! i plan to post a ton more so stay tuned xoxo

—

You had just finished an ungodly long shift along the outskirts of Jackson, keeping everyone inside safe from- well, whatever lay outside (scary squirrels, mostly). It had been so different since you arrived, with Joel and Ellie. For starters, you weren't kept on edge every single second of every single day - Joel was, which you always got pissed at him for, since you two were more than safe inside these walls. There was also the fact that life had sort of just- resumed, after twenty years of fighting for your life. It was alright, though, a sense of normalcy was nice, even if it were to only last for a little while (you were hoping it lasted forever).

As soon as you were inside the gates of Jackson, you rode over to the stables in which your horse, Leo, was housed at. The big wooden doors were opened by a stable hand that looked no older than Ellie, maybe she knew who this was, you thought to yourself.

You had slid the kid a small "thank you." as they closed the door behind you, and you hopped off Leo. You reached in your bag and scrounged for a second, before pulling out an apple core, the remains of the apple you had eaten earlier. "Here boy," your hand raised towards the horse's snout with the leftovers in-palm, and he took it as if it were the best thing in the world.

Leo munched away while you swapped his bridle for a halter and lead, tugging him to his freshly-mucked stall. He had walked over to his water bucket and you moved with him, undoing his girth and removing his saddle. It was hoisted over your arm as you moved out and locked his stall. "Excuse me," You called over to the stable hand that had let you in as you put all of his tack on the stand in front, "Do you mind brushing him down for me? I've had a long day and gotta get home quick."

The kid nodded their head eagerly, which had earned a smile from you. You weren't lying about having a long day or needing to get home quick - besides, you had always stayed after your shifts, right now you were just craving to see your favourite person (and a warm bath too, you had guessed).

You had removed your gloves as you took one last glimpse at your boy before you left him to be taken care of by the stable hand. As you walked out of the stable, you were greeted with a nice breeze. It wasn't exactly winter yet, but it sure as hell wasn't summer. Autumn was close on finishing, which only meant the days were getting longer.

It took you a mere twenty five minutes to walk back to the Miller residence. If you had a little pep in your step, it would've taken no longer than fifteen. But, being up since before sunrise has its cons. Anyway, it isn't your fault that Tommy and Maria (Joel's brother and new sister-in-law) placed you guys in the farthest house literally ever.

As you approached closer to the home, you could see the familiar little (she would kill you if she heard you describe her as little) girl. The girl took notice of you too, "Fucking finally!" Ellie had kicked up her skateboard, grabbing the tip of it, and came running over. "Jesus Christ, I thought you had got eaten by like- fucking bigfoot out there!", She seemed to be only half-joking.

"I was not eaten out there, Ellie." You sigh as you messed her hair up slightly with your hand, "Is Joel still out on patrol?" You had asked the girl. Her face dropped, earning an "ugh!" from her. "You two love birds are gross. You should care more about me than him! He's a frail, broken, old man while I'm a super cool, and totally awesome young person." You rolled your eyes, an automatic laugh escaping your lips. "Another half an hour out here, Elle. It's almost sundown- and please be careful, for fuck sakes. I don't want to be popping your kneecap back in place because of a fall off that- board."

You weren't Ellie's mom, and you didn't mean to take any place of a motherly figure in her life - it just, sort of happened. After what had happened in Salt Lake City a year ago, and you had fought for Ellie back alongside Joel, you couldn't help but grow so much more attached to her- you and Joel both. This is when your motherly instincts (you were never a mother, not before or during this apocalyptic world) kicked in. You both shared a special bond, one that would never be broken, despite the cruel world you both live in.

A small grunt and a "fine" escaped the girl's lips as she flips her board down and kicks off down the street. You shake your head with an almost disapproving look and walk down the rest of the block to your home. A small smile plays upon your lips as you approach the house with a mailbox at the bottom of the driveway that reads "MILLER". Your last name was not Miller, but you were in a relationship with a Miller, so that could maybe, in the slightest, count as your name too.

Your hand brushed past the rusted metal box as you walk up the paved drive way, you're excited to see Joel. Hell, it feels like it's been an eternity since you've seen that man - when in reality, it's only been since this morning. You climb up the wooden stairs at the front of your porch and remove your boots before entering the house - this saved horrid amounts of mud that would scatter in the small foyer of your home. Once your feet are out of your dirty boots, you silently enter the home.

The door was never locked, not when Joel knew you or Ellie weren't home. You didn't know why he kept it unlocked- maybe in case something had happened and you needed to get home fast, or in case you would lose your keys while out and about. It wasn't that big of a deal, though; nobody else lived in this part of the town (besides Tommy and Maria, who were distant neighbours).

It was dead silent when you entered, too eery for your liking. "Joel?" You called out as you shrugged off your autumn layers. No response. "Joel?" You call out once again, moving to where you had seen the light. You approached tip-toeing, starting to get a bit on edge. Joel was always there to greet you when you got home, unless he had patrol duty himself. As soon as you step foot in your living room, all of the previous worries you had melted away as you saw your favourite person curled up on the arm chair, sitting back and mouth open slightly. You wish you had a camera, god a polaroid of this would be amazing.

You approached him, quiet as ever, sliding the sleeves of your soft-knit sweater over ninety percent of your hands. You had brought your face closer to Joel's once you were close enough. The smell of his vanilla and rose scented shampoo had engulfed you. Joel said he hated it (in reality, he definitely did not), but if it made you love him a little more, he would wash his hair with it.

"You're perfect, you know that." You whisper to him, even though he was sound asleep. From the faded freckles over the bridge of his nose from being out in the sun too much this summer, to the small scars that littered his forehead from years of just surviving, he was perfect.

You breathed hushly as you moved your hands up to his face, to cup his cheeks. You thought it was perfect, for him to wake up to you (as if he didn't every morning) at this moment. You knew he missed you when he wasn't with you, he told you multiple times. This would be a nice thing to make his day slightly better, you had thought. Your fingers made soft contact with the flesh on his face - but, this is where it all went wrong.

Joel had shot up from the deep (well, you thought deep) sleep he was in and grabbed the hands that were touching his face. It hadn't registered to him that it was actually you who was touching his face, and not a clicker, or a raider, or anything else. Rage and a sense of fear filled his eyes as they shot opened, eyebrows furrowed as they looked around frantically - he was ready to fight.

A loud grunt and an "ow." escaped your lips once your hands were grabbed and yanked. It had happened within a blink of an eye. You weren't exactly in the mood for getting manhandled in this current moment, but here you were. "Joel- hey, hey, it's just me. You're okay." You spoke quick, trying to pry him off your hand.

It was now that his eyes had met yours, and it took him a moment (which felt like eternity) to process it was you. "Baby.." His grip immediately loosened and his eyes fell. He looked horrified, at himself rather than anything. "M'sorry." There was a tone in his voice that made him sound ashamed, like he had just broken bad news to someone he loved.

"Don't apologize to me, Jesus Christ." You spoke almost too fast and brought your hand to his face again, you felt bad for scaring him awake- your plan had massively backfired. It took Joel a minute before he melted into the touch of your hand in his cheek, something he will only do when it is only you and him around each other. "Shouldn't have been sleepin' while you weren't home." He muttered, his eyes looking everywhere but at yours.

Your heart ached, he shouldn't feel like this- fuck, you're so stupid for doing this you thought to yourself. "Don't apologize baby, hey-" You brought his focus to you, and only you, "-listen, you're alright, okay? We're safe here, you know. I'm safe, Ellie's safe, you're safe." You reassured the man in front of you. "If you want to sleep all day without a care in the world, you can do it."

Joel was being extremely vulnerable right now- and he knew that you sensed it. This part of him never came out, he was always the strong one in the relationship (not that you weren't, he just had that aura linked to him). Your finger rubbed back and forth over his cheek. "M'sorry for waking you from your nap- I was just too jealous of how peaceful you looked. All comfortable in your blue sweater.." your eyes started to trail down his body right in front of you, "-your sweatpants.." you snapped yourself out of the trance you had fallen in, your eyes reaching back up to Joel's.

He was just quiet, in his own thoughts. "Ya'know I love you." you told him. He looked like he snapped out of his own thoughts once you said this to him, the smallest smile known to man appearing on his face (it was genuine, though). "I know, darlin'." This was your cue, you reached forward and placed your lips onto Joel's. Now this, this was home- god, you could've had your lips on his all day for eternity. Joel melted into the kiss, and placed one of his hands on your thighs.

Things had got heated between the two of you within seconds, suddenly the positions were switched and you were straddling Joel on the armchair in your living room. It wasn't until you tore apart from his lips that it hit you. "Ellie’s going to be home soon, baby. We can't have her catching us like this- not again." You tell him as you catch your breath. His lips find your neck, he only hummed in response. After a moment of no proper response from him, you tap his shoulder, "Seriously, Joel!". He had grunted, basically forcing himself off of you. "So let her see us, not like she don't know 'bout it." He muttered, leaning back in the chair you two were in. "Oh, suddenly you're mister PDA?" You asked as you got up, stretching.

He said something under his breath that you couldn't catch, but chose not to pressure him about it. "But hey.." You grab his hand and help him up, "Maybe you could help me in the shower, hm? Let me borrow some o' that good smellin' shampoo ya' got? Wash my hair for me?” Your eyes met his, a smile completely lighting up your entire face. "I'on mind, doll. Maybe you could help me with a few things too," He reaches down, pressing a wet kiss onto your lips.

You take this as the perfect time to slip your fingers between his, and lead him up to the second floor of your large house. Even though you had completely scared the shit out of Joel earlier, and you thought you were a dead man for a split second, he forgave you. He always forgives you - this is why you love him.

Joel had promised you that he would always stay, no matter what had happened between you two. After years of being together, through your ups and your downs, through your serious arguments and your little scares (like this), he was yours. Joel was always yours, and you were always his.

You two come laughing down the stairs, completely soaked from the shower you had taken together. Joel was back in the clothes he wore when you got home, and you were changed into one of his shirts and a pair of sleeping shorts you had. He had his hand in yours as you lead him down the stairs. Before you could even step foot on the first floor, an "ew!" was yelled by a familiar voice.

"That is fucking disgusting- I cannot believe it! I can't leave you two together for more than thirty minutes before you turn into fucking rabbits. I may as well start thinking about names for the baby!" Ellie over exaggerates, acting completely disgusted from you and Joel holding hands.

Joel shoots Ellie a death glare as he drops his hand from yours momentarily, about to open his mouth before you interrupt. "Do I need to send you to your room, or something? You're so fucking crazy Elle!" You had let the little nick name slip out of your mouth, "You know I would never do anything unholy under the same roof as you." Well, you weren't lying. You and Joel never did it while Ellie was there, you didn't want anyone hearing what happened while you two were alone.

"Don't care, that's gross! Dinner is already made, I am GOING TO BED!" She had yelled as she was already half way up the stairs to her room on the second floor. Joel's hand snaked around your waist from behind as you tsk. "We got stuck with the most batshit crazy kid, I'm telling you."

Joel's hand tightens a smudge when you say that, "I love her though, and you I guess." He rests his head between the crook of your neck and slightly lets go once you add that. Even after the little bicker between the teenager, you couldn't help but smile to yourself.

Even though you were in the midst of an apocalypse, life couldn't have been anymore good to you. They gave you Joel, and you were content - more than content - with it.

—

when you wash your hair, matt maltese

[emisprocrastinatingbywriting]

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 19 Summary:

After the events that led to the birth of the twins, both you and Joel try your hardest not to get sucked into despair. However, that is easier said than done, especially when Maria and Tommy come to question you about the day you were taken. When it becomes clear that there is a wolf in sheep's clothing living within Jackson, how will the two of you cope? And when the perpetrators are finally unmasked, will either of you be able to sit by and let Jackson's authorities dole out justice, or will you seek retribution?

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Mentions of Panic Attacks, DILF! Joel, Violence and Torture, Filthy Smut, Feral Joel and Feral Reader Being Made For Each Other.

A/N:

Hey y'all, I hope you guys are doing good! It's been a crazy couple of weeks for me but luckily, I'm one of those people who always needs to be doing something or else I'll explode lol

Anyways, we are back right where we left off. This week shows the light and the darkness in both Joel and reader. On one hand, we're madly in love with our little family. On the other hand, we are a bit insane. Luckily for reader, so is Joel.

And as always, thank you for reading!

Chapter 19/20:

Chapter 19: Bonnie & Clyde

People always said that the first few weeks with a newborn was going to be the hardest, but for you and Joel it was the first few hours. The first bump in the road came a few hours after the two infants had been pulled from your abdomen, when Joel had decided that it was crucial for him to go back out into the howling winds to help his brother hunt for the few remaining assholes he had left behind. The thought of your mate going out into the raging storm had stirred you out of the post-birth bliss and you found yourself hissing in pain as you shot up from bed to stop him from leaving. 

“Jesus fucking Christ woman, get down! You can’t be moving around like that or else you’re gonna rip those stitches honey,” Joel scolded, rushing towards your bedside to shove you back down against the lumpy mattress. 

He gasped when you grabbed one of his hands, squeezing his fingers painfully tight to keep him from retreating again. 

“If you go out there in that storm Joel Miller, I swear to God that I will come after you on foot. Do you want that?! Because I will do it, I don’t give a shit,” you seethed, furious that he would even think to leave you alone after everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. 

Joel’s face had scrunched up and you could tell that he wanted to argue, but the second you had dropped his hand and ripped the blanket away from your lower half, he knew that you meant business. He tried to reason with you, arguing that he was the one that needed to go and that the twins could not be without their mother so soon after leaving the womb, but you were too angry to listen to any of it. Instead, you had ignored his pleas to stay in bed and swung your legs over the side of it, taking a steadying breath to ready yourself for the exertion of standing up. 

“Woah there sweetheart,” Joel said soothingly, like he was calming a nervous horse as he crouched down between your knees to halt your movements, “Christ baby, please be careful. You’re gonna hurt yourself getting up like that and fuck, I don’t think I could take it if you did. Are you tryin’ to give this old man a heart attack?” 

“Are you really going to leave me alone in this clinic with the two newborns that I just had cut out of me? Or, are you going to get your shit together and stay?,” you asked him point blank, making him balk in return. 

Which had left Joel with only one option if he wanted you to stay put and get the rest you so desperately needed. 

He sighed, “I’ll… I’ll stay.” 

“Great,” you snipped, allowing him to help ease you back into bed with a scowl on your face. 

Afterwards, Joel had sat back in the chair at your bedside with a huff, clearly annoyed but unwilling to show it due to the fact that you had just birthed not one, but two of his children that night. Nevertheless, you knew him too well to be fooled by the mask of indifference he put on as he refused to look at you, staring at the sleeping pups who were cozied up in the bassinet they shared. He watched as their tiny chests moved up and down, the edges of his mouth turned downwards in distaste. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his sulking. 

“Joel,” you sighed, too exhausted to carry on with the pettiness when all you wanted was to have a few minutes of peace before they were screaming bloody murder again. 

“They could’ve killed you, or the twins, or both,” Joel mumbled, looking away from the pups to mindlessly play with the frayed ends of his sleeve. 

A silence fell over the room, one where the only signs of life were the quick little breaths of the two infants that were sleeping nearby. What was there for you to say? Joel was right. Aspen’s group could have torn the two perfect little beings from your embrace, making them centerpieces to whatever sick ceremonies they had planned. That is, if you had managed to miraculously survive birthing them without the help of a c-section. And if you had somehow survived their birth? Well, the alphas would have used you however they wished and either left you for dead, or killed you themselves. Nevertheless, neither of those things had happened and life had to go on for the sake of your family. 

“I remember thinking that if the pup died, we would be okay,” he admitted quietly, his voice almost a whisper as he continued, “I thought that we would be able to survive without the kid but I couldn’t… There’s no way I would ever be able to survive losing you. Then Tommy found me and told me you were labor. And when I showed up you were bleeding and I just…” 

Joel looked up from his shirt, locking eyes with you for the first time since the fight had begun. Sometimes it was easy to forget that the man you loved was so much older. Sure, he was turning 57 in September, but he was also unbelievably handsome and surprisingly agile for his age. Nevertheless as he stared back at you, he looked tired and beaten down, like all of the battles he had fought in his long life had finally caught up to him that night. Without thinking, you reached forward and cupped his face, pulling it closer so that you could see him better in the dim lighting. 

“I can’t,” you tried, clearing your throat to keep your voice steady before you continued, “I can’t imagine what it was like for you to even consider that, but it’s okay. I’m here Joel, I’m right in front of you and so are they. We made it, can’t you see that?” 

He nodded, “I know, but there are more of them out there still. What if they try to come back? I’m not going to let them take my family again. Those fuckers tried to take what is mine. What if-” 

“What if some of them are in Jackson right now? Fabien got in no problem, that means anyone else could too. Do you really want to be out there with Tommy? You’d be leaving us here all alone. Do you expect me to fight them off? I can barely sit up right now,” you pointed out. 

Joel flinched, giving you a reproachful look for even thinking he would want you to do that. He knew, just as you did, that Tommy was more than capable of picking off the few stragglers that were hiding amongst the flooded streets. It was the peace of mind Joel was after, one that included him tearing through any remaining group members to ensure that none of them could ever threaten his mate or his children ever again. But, he also knew that you were right. He couldn’t leave his family alone and vulnerable. 

“Okay honey, m’not going anywhere,” he agreed, pressing his lips to your cheek before he leaned back in his chair again. 

You gave him a tired smile, “Good, because I think it’s actually our job to name them. Apparently calling them number one and number two for the rest of their lives gets our parent cards revoked or something.” 

Joel laughed, “Shit, guess we better do that then.” 

The next hour was spent debating names for the two pups, a task that was much harder than you originally thought it would be. It was insane how many names were utterly useless due to the fact that they had once belonged to someone that one of you had disliked. Nevertheless, after much debate, you had worked together to land on two names that you felt represented the pair perfectly. 

For your son, the two of you had landed on Ellis. It was meant to be an ode to Ellie, the sister he would never have the chance to meet but would come to know regardless. At first, Joel was unsure of it, arguing that Ellis was an old man's name. However, after looking down at the grumpy little boy in the bassinet, neither one of you could think of a more appropriate name. Ellis had a scowl even in sleep, his downturned lips matching his father’s signature pout perfectly. His hair and nose, much like his sister’s, were also a carbon copy of Joel’s. Traces of you were there as well, in the shape of the chocolate colored eyes he shared with his father and in the chin, but it was clear that it was your mate he took after. 

The naming of your daughter had been much harder, mainly because Joel had put way too much pressure on himself to get it right. For your son, the name Ellis had come so easily, like it was always meant to be his from the moment it slipped from your mouth. Nevertheless, all of the names that had been previously proposed for your daughter were suddenly not good enough for her. He didn’t like the name Sarah anymore, despite the fact that it had been him to propose it as an option. Fearing that it would give his newborn daughter some sort of complex about living up to her older sister, Joel had announced that it would have to be something else. 

After you had pointed out that it was hypocritical to be okay with naming Ellis after Ellie but not your daughter after Sarah, Joel had snapped at you, claiming that it was different because he didn’t have the exact same name. With a sigh, you backed off a bit, allowing him a second to compose himself before you threw another name his way. What Joel was feeling was completely understandable, he didn’t want another Sarah in his life and he was worried that your daughter might feel like she was a replacement if he chose to give her his first born’s name. You were completely fine with her name being something else, yet every time you tried another name, he swiftly rejected it. 

“Well babe, we have to pick something. She can’t go around nameless forever, unless you WANT her to resent us from the get-go,” you sighed, frustrated at his unwillingness to pick. 

“I know honey, but I want to get it right. Ellis is a great name, she needs a great name too,” Joel groaned, rubbing his tired eyes as the morning sun began to bathe his face in light. 

The sun had barely peeked over the horizon, creating an orangish glow in the room that turned his skin golden. Looking towards the bassinet, you noticed how the light had a similar effect on the pups that had already begun to show signs of sharing his skin tone. They stayed still, allowing the sun to wash over them as they twitched in their sleep. And as you gazed upon your daughter’s serene face, you were reminded of a name that you had circled in the book just days earlier, one that you had yet to propose to Joel. 

“What about Alba?,” you offered.  

He cocked an eyebrow, “Why Alba?” 

You shrugged, “I read it in the baby book. It means either dawn or light or fuck, I can’t remember now but look outside Joel! It’s dawn right now and we’ve got our two little bundles of light sleeping right next to us.” 

Joel smiled wide, his eyes sparkling as tried it out, “Ellis and Alba Miller, I like it.” 

You looked over at Alba, matching his grin as you studied her features. Sure, she had Joel’s curls and his nose, but she was your mini-me. She shared your eyes, along with the shape of her mouth. Her chin and cheekbones were also sculpted exactly as yours were, which gave you a surprising boost of confidence when you noticed how beautiful your features were copied onto her tiny face. Even her expressions were yours, along with the unfortunate way she seemed to be in the habit of kicking her poor bedmate in her sleep. At least now you knew which one of them had played soccer with your bladder every morning. 

“Fuck, they’re going to be spoiled rotten aren’t they?,” you sighed dreamily, reaching a hand out to ghost your fingers over their soft tufts of hair. 

“Oh big time,” Joel agreed, watching as Ellis stirred and turned his face towards his sister’s. 

With the names settled, you had hunkered down for a nap. Joel had promised to remain at your side and keep a watchful eye on the two newborns as you slept, claiming he was not the type of dad to assume his partner would do all the work. Which was why when you were woken from your sleep not even twenty minutes later by the both of them screaming at the top of their lungs, you were extremely confused. They had been fed, burped, and changed into clean diapers, which meant that the only thing they could possibly want was some attention from one of their parents, something that you had charged Joel with seeing to. 

Blinking your bleary eyes open, the first thing you noticed was that Joel had moved from his seat at your bedside. Disgruntled at his sudden absence, you turned over to focus on the two wailing pups that were close to bursting your eardrums, only to be shocked by the sight before you. Joel had in fact, not left the room, as he was standing over their bassinet, looking absolutely terrified as he watched them shriek. 

“What the hell are you doing Joel?,” you called to him over their piercing cries, breaking him from his stupor.

“They’re crying,” he responded numbly, averting his gaze from you as he did. 

“And?! Pick them the fuck up then, you said that you would watch them so that I could sleep for a bit,” you snapped, waving your hands at him in frustration. 

Usually, you were better at controlling your anger, but the pain in your core had yet to dissipate and your breasts ached under the weight of the incoming milk. With the twins screaming their heads off and their father looking like he was about to join in with them, you were fresh out of patience for the day. 

“Joel,” you tried again, hissing at him like an angry cat, “Pick. Your. Children. Up.” 

Joel’s eyes widened at that and you watched as his gaze bounced between you and them. You wanted to let the motherly instincts take over, to growl at him for not helping his pups when they clearly needed him, but then you realized something. Despite the fact that they had been ushered into the world nearly five hours ago, Joel had yet to hold either of them. It had slipped through the cracks, as you were too hopped up on the laughing gas and the giddiness of holding them yourself to notice him on the sidelines.  

“Joel,” you sighed, grunting as you sat up against the rickety headboard. 

“They’re so pure, they ain’t even had the chance to do anything wrong yet. How can I pick ‘em up? I’ll ruin them. Look at me, look at all these scars that I’ve got from doing God knows what. They don’t need someone like me holding them. It’d be like spreading an infection,” Joel said with a frown. 

Your stomach sank as you listened to him, knowing that deep down he meant every word of it. It killed you that Joel thought himself too tainted by his past to touch them, even though the twins had loved him well before they were born. Each time you had bullied him into bringing out his guitar during your pregnancy to sing them some forgotten country song, the incessant kicks and uncomfortable barrel rolls they were doing inside of you had stopped, as if they were straining to hear the man they would one day call dad.  

Joel was the only one that could ever calm them. The soft caresses he gave to your bump as his southern drawl washed over them in the darkness of your shared bedroom lulled them back to sleep almost instantaneously. Each time, you had kept still as he worked his magic on the budding life inside of you, desperate to hear his sugary words and quiet promises about the future they would have once they were born. Sometimes you even pretended to fall back asleep while he spoke, allowing him a bit of privacy with his pups so that he could speak to them without the awkwardness of you listening in. 

“Baby, they don’t care about any of that. You’re their dad, all that they are going to care about is that you love them. C’mon, just pick them up and see for yourself,” you softly encouraged. 

When Joel remained unmoved, you shifted gears. Although you wanted to remain understanding for his sake, you could only bend so far. If a kick in the ass is what Joel needed, you had no problem delivering it. At that moment, you were willing to try anything if it stopped the cries that were getting louder by the second. 

“What would you rather be Joel? Some random dude who is mated to their mom but wants nothing to do with them or do you want to be their father?,” you asked him, the bluntness of your words once again catching him off guard. 

Joel blanched, looking at you with those sad puppy dog eyes that made your heart ache for him. This was incredibly hard for him, you knew that, but you weren’t sure how exactly to help. It had been so easy for you, as they had literally grown inside of you for months, but you understood that for a multitude of reasons; it was different for him. Nevertheless, you also knew that he needed to connect with them now, lest he be too scared to in the coming days. The last thing you wanted was for Joel to be doomed to a lifetime of being on the sidelines of his children’s lives. 

“Take off your shirt,” you suddenly blurted out.  

“What?!” 

“Sorry! I mean, can you please take off your shirt? I want to try something,” you restated, causing him to frown at your vagueness. 

Joel squinted at you in confusion, but with the two pups filling up the room with their screams and a mental block stopping him from picking them up, he was too frustrated to argue. He grabbed the back of his shirt with one hand, tearing it over his head in a way you had always found extremely attractive. At the familiar sight of his toned yet soft abdomen, you couldn’t help but smile. In your opinion, the rugged terrain of his scarred skin only added to his attractiveness, but you understood that people often saw their bodies differently than their partners did.  

“Jesus honey, cut it out. S’what got us in this mess in the first place,” Joel mused, scuffing his feet as his face turned bright red under your stare. 

“Can’t help it, you’re too pretty,” you sighed before shaking yourself out of it, “But you’re right, that’s not why I asked you to take it off. I was thinking that you could do skin to skin. The book said it’s really good for both parents to try it. Maybe it’ll help you bond with them.” 

He gulped and turned to face the pups, looking like he was about to face a firing squad as he reached out to brush his finger against Ellis’s cheek. With just one touch from his father, his piercing cries were soothed into weak whimpers and whines. You watched with a smile as Joel softened, realizing that the newborns didn’t care about his past. All they wanted was some love from their dad. After taking a deep breath, he leaned in and plucked Ellis from the confines of the bassinet. 

The little boy squirmed for a bit, grunting angrily before he felt the warmth of his father’s skin. Joel smiled when Ellis calmed, eyes round and watery when he looked back over at you. You gave him a nod of approval, which in turn gave him just enough confidence to collect his daughter as well. Alba was slightly more peeved, writhing against the confines of her unskilled limbs as she continued to squall at him in protest. It was only when Joel drifted over to his chair, carefully plopping himself down on the seat next to you so that he could speak to them properly, that she finally calmed down as her brother had. 

“S’okay Ms. Sunshine, I’m here. Your papa’s got you and your brother now, don’t cry,” he cooed, his syrupy drawl soothing Alba in an instant. 

Joel was a vision like this, whispering sweet nothings to the two pups as they dozed in his arms. A peacefulness had possessed your mate in that moment, making him look more docile than you had ever seen him. His body was so still, with none of the usual nervousness he was prone to bunching up his muscles to the point where he practically vibrated with the stress. The pups had turned Joel into something soft and gooey, something you thought looked incredibly attractive on him. He was completely in his own little world as he leaned in to catch a whiff of the addictive smell that every parent claimed their newborn had, the one that you had rolled your eyes at until your own pups had been placed in your arms.  

“Fuck, they are so perfect,” Joel sighed as he leaned back, unbothered by the few tears that dripped down his face. 

“I tried to tell ya,” you yawned, blinking at him as you felt the calm of the room infect you as well. 

“Get some rest darling, I’ve got them now. M’sorry that I didn’t know how to…,” he swallowed and shook his head, “Anyways, I promise that I’m okay now honey, just got spooked is all”. 

You shook your head at his apology, “Don’t be sorry, just pick them up if they cry. They love you Joel, they always have. Whatever happens, just promise me that you’ll love them back and take care of them. They’re gonna need their dad in their lives.” 

“I promise.”

“Good, now goodnight,” you sighed, snuggling back into the sheets with a soft smile. 

With that, Joel smiled and turned his attention back towards the two pups. You watched him in his element for as long as you could and then drifted off again, allowing him the time he needed to connect with the twins as you slept. 

- Joel - 

Being a dad again at his age was weird, albeit a little terrifying, but Joel was surprised at how much he remembered from his first time around. He didn’t need to be directed on how to hold them, as the muscle memory from when Sarah was an infant had kicked in immediately. And although it had taken him a moment to overcome his brief panic attack about picking them up, once he did he never wanted to let them go ever again. 

As you slept beside him in the hospital bed, healing from the eventful night and the overly traumatic birth, Joel held Alba and Ellis close to his chest. He wanted nothing more than to weld their tiny bodies with his so that they may never roam far from his grasp, but he knew that it was irrational to think that way. They would someday live their own lives, free from their parent’s watchful eyes on them 24/7. A terrifying thought indeed. But, luckily for him, that was years away. 

It was at that moment that Joel realized how simple all of this was. They were his pups, just as Sarah and Ellie had been, which meant that he would do anything in his power to be the person they needed him to be. If he was going to do this, if was going to step up and be not just the alpha that got you pregnant, but a dad again, he needed to be more than just a protector. They needed a dad who would love them fiercely, to cover them in it so that they would be hidden from the evils of the world, and Joel was damned if he wasn’t going to try his best to be that type of guy for them. 

The twins had stayed calm for a total of two hours, allowing him just enough time to fall in love with them all over again. Nevertheless, the second Alba’s cries had woken Ellis, it led to a cacophony of screams that made his ears ring and he was quickly reminded of the reason why newborns were so tiring. You were awake at the first sound of trouble, groaning as you lifted yourself into a seated position and reached out for the hungry pair. 

Joel reluctantly passed them over one at a time, missing the days of the past as he watched you wince through the first few seconds of breastfeeding. It wasn’t just that he pitied you for having to nurse them with your sore nipples, it was also that he longed for a time where he might have been able to feed them too. Medical supplies were hard to come by and despite his best efforts, he had not yet been able to secure a breast pump. With no breast pump, along with no surviving packages of baby formula left from life before the outbreak, he was effectively benched from feeding them until they could survive on something more solid. 

Nevertheless, Joel was grateful that you seemed to have no issue with feeding them. He had mourned the loss of modern technology while you were pregnant, dreading the possibility that his incoming pup would starve without the precious baby formula that had saved the parents of the past. In a world with few fixes for things of that sort, the two of you had even talked about utilizing one of the few wet nurses in town. Neither one of you had liked the idea of another person stepping in to feed them, but the pup’s health had taken priority over comfort. Luckily, it seemed that his fears had not come to fruition, as both of the infants were greedily latching on and sucking down their meal with no issue. 

“Joel, will you get me something to drink? Oh! And some food? They keep draining me like I’m a fucking dairy cow and it’s making me hungry as hell. Please baby? I’d really appreciate it,” you cooed, batting your eyelashes at him as you did. 

Joel chuckled, hoisting himself up from the chair so that he could fulfill your request. He leaned forward and dropped a kiss on the top of your head, allowing himself just one second of indulgence to linger over you. After taking a moment to hover, watching the twins as they fed on their mother’s milk with rapt interest, he reluctantly peeled himself away. 

“Oh and Joel, remember that I don’t like -”

“You don’t like oatmeal, I know,” he called over his shoulder, unable to stop himself from rolling his eyes as he did, “When are you going to let that go? I’ve only ever made it for ya once.” 

“Hmmmm… I’m not sure. Maybe I’m just hurt that you didn’t know me better by then. Thought it was love at first sight, guess I was wrong,” you said with an overly dramatic sigh. 

Joel scoffed and turned, catching the playfulness in your eye as he did. He rolled his eyes even harder than before, knowing that, as per usual, you were just trying to fuck with him. Two could play at that game. 

“Damn baby, I sound like a dick. Better not let me knock you up then,” he said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders as he did. 

The grin you gave him took his breath away and for the billionth time since meeting you, Joel wished for a camera. What he was seeing was simply too good to be true. The love of his life was sitting up in bed, beautifully disheveled as she cradled his two children and fed them from her own body. It made him want to run out into the street and scream like a madman, to announce to the world that he had finally won something against all odds, but he remained rooted in place. Instead, he stared at his entire world with two heart shaped eyes, utterly starstruck and unable to will himself to fulfill your previous request. Divine was the only word that came to mind as he gazed upon you and he knew that he’d spend his life worshiping you at the altar of his affection, sacrificing whatever he must to keep his goddess content. 

“I love you so much honey. You’ve given me everything and more. I can’t… I can’t even begin to tell you how much that means to me. I just… I love you and I love them, thank you,” Joel babbled, the words coming out of his mouth faster than his brain could process them. 

“Joel, you’re my favorite person, my mate, the only person I trust with all my heart. I love you more than anything,” you paused, making his brow furrow, “Well, Ellis and Alba might have kicked you out of the number one spot, but I promise that you’re a very strong number two!”

He laughed at that, not offended in the least that the twins took priority over him now. The fact that you had bonded with them so easily did not surprise him, as the woman he loved had the ability to make almost anyone melt in the blink of an eye. Like two blooming flowers in the sun, they had reached towards your warmth without a second thought, just as their father did every day of his life.  

“There’s nothing I want more than this right here, being with you and our two perfect pups. Except for maybe one thing…,” you sighed, voice trailing off at the end. 

Joel was back at your bedside in two long strides, the alarm bells in his head going off as he stood over you. 

“What is it sweetheart? I’ll get it for you, whatever you need,” he rushed out, ready to barrel through town at your command.

“You could get me that food you promised,” you reminded him, pointing your chin towards the exit with a sly grin.  

He gave you a mock salute, which made you burst into a fit of giggles as he proceeded to march back over to the door. After giving his little family one last glance, Joel slipped into the waiting room. 

The previous night, both of your respective families had crammed into the tiny space, waiting for hours for an update. The two of you had taken three hours to yourselves after the twins were born, the only news coming from the doctor who you had sent out to assure them that everyone was alive. After the three hours were up, Joel had reluctantly left the room to announce that you were healthy and had given birth to a set of twins who seemed to be doing well. They had cheered and clapped in relief, the terror that had tightened their features melting away in an instant. However, their happiness was short-lived, as he had subsequently kicked them out without so much as a peek at the pups in the room behind him. 

Joel knew that like him, you didn’t want any visitors, as you were too traumatized to have anyone else in the room other than your mate or the doctor. He understood how you felt and the relief on his face was palpable as he watched them filter out. It wasn’t that either of you thought that any of your family members would harm the twins, it was that you both needed time to recuperate together, to hold Ellis and Alba close until the residual fear drifted away. 

The bells on the front door chimed, snapping Joel out of his thoughts in an instant. Before he had even looked up, he had his teeth barred, with the instincts he had used to find you in the storm still pumping wildly through his veins. He had forgotten how hard it was for someone like him, an alpha with a lifetime of bad fortune, to keep from being overprotective in times like this. Although it was just Maria and Tommy that strolled into the clinic, his own family, he still had to push down the low warning sound that rumbled in his chest. 

“Easy there cowboy,” Tommy chuckled, putting his hands up in mock surrender. 

Maria stomped on her mate’s foot, making him drop the joking facade in an instant as he hissed in pain and glared at her. She gave him a pointed look and turned back towards Joel, wordlessly holding out a tote bag that smelled of something delicious. He took it, softening a bit when he spied the feast that she had packed inside. It was enough food to feed a small army. 

“Thought you both might want some grub. We saw the doctor at the dining hall earlier and she mentioned that you hadn’t left the clinic to get food yet, so we figured we’d bring you guys something,” Maria said. 

Joel nodded, quietly thanking her in a voice that was so quiet that it was almost lost under the low hum of the fluorescents above. He was touched, albeit a bit confused as he had assumed that last night’s events would have them both too busy to swing by for quite some time. But when Maria gave him a small smile and then looked at his brother, almost like she was waiting for him to say something, an odd sense of deja vu hit him.

Suddenly, Joel was brought back to the moment where they had teamed up to put him back on the patrol shifts. That decision had caused him to leave you alone in Jackson, which had led to you being stolen from within the safety of its walls. There was no way Joel was going to let them swindle him again. His knuckles turned white as he balled his fists up, ready to knock their heads together if they asked him to go back on patrol. Although the thought of chasing down any undefeated foes was alluring, you were right, he couldn’t possibly leave his family at such a delicate time. 

“I ain’t leavin’ her alone with TWO newborn pups to go on some stupid-ass fucking patrol. I don’t care who it pisses off, I ain’t doing it and I’m honestly fucking shocked you two would even have the balls to try,” Joel spat.  

Tommy scoffed, “Hang on a minute asshole, we ain’t doing nothing of the sort.”

He paused and let his shoulders drop, forcing himself to take a deep breath before he popped one of the blood vessels in his neck. 

“Fine, what do ya want from me then? Because I swear if this is some bullshit about -”  

“We need to talk to the both of you. It has to do with the two groups of people that took her. Believe me, we wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t important,” Maria cut in. 

As usual, his sister in law got straight to the point. At times Joel had respected her penchant for honesty, longed for it even when his brother was being too cagey with him, but at that moment he hated it. He wanted some more time alone with his family in the happy bubble they existed in, the one that had yet to be popped by the sharp sting of reality. He knew deep down that there would have to be a time for speaking about what had happened, but he had selfishly hoped for just a few more hours of peace. 

“Can’t it wait?,” Joel grouched, his annoyance evident as he scowled at them with all his might. 

“If we’re going to make sure that we got them all, then yes it is,” Maria stated. 

She held up her hand when he started to argue, not allowing him to blow her off so easily. 

“One of them took her from within our walls. How in the hell did he get her out without anyone noticing? Did he have help? Did he take her through the gates or is there another way in? We have no fucking idea, but we need to find out so that this doesn’t happen again,” Maria argued. 

Joel pinched the bridge of his nose, willing the migraine that was stirring in the base of his skull to go away. She was right, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. He took a couple deep breaths, trying not to puke from the stress that soured the lining of his stomach as he focused back on the task at hand. 

“She’s feeding them right now, okay? Can you at least wait for them to be done? There ain’t gonna be much talking if the pups get to crying. Those two are louder than goddamn banshees when they get riled up,” he grumbled. 

Maria softened, immediately agreeing to his small request with a smile, “Of course, we’ll wait out here until they’re fed.” 

Joel left them, turning on his heel so that he could race back to the people that held his heart in their hands. He slipped back into the room, careful not to give either of the people behind him a peep of you without your top on. Shutting the door behind him, he felt like he was forming a protective barrier between his family and the rest of the world, and he longed for the days when every inch of Jackson was thought to be safe. 

The smell of the room almost knocked him off his feet as Joel made his way over to you, forcing every muscle in his body to release all of its tension once more. For the first time since they were born, he realized that his scent and yours were not alone anymore, as they were accompanied with the smell of the two newborns cradled in your arms. As he practically floated over to the bed, his nose caught the woodsy notes of pine and rosemary wafting over to him from his son, along with the fresh smell of grapefruit and gardenias from his daughter. The mix of all of his family’s scents together made Joel’s heart so full that it ached, and he suddenly wanted to cry when he realized he was about to ruin it with a reality check. 

“That was fast. What’d you do? Rob one of the early risers on their way home from the market?,” you joked, making him huff in muted amusement. 

“Unfortunately not, Maria and Tommy just dropped this off. They packed us a god damn feast,” Joel answered gruffly, lifting the tote onto the small bedside table.

He rifled through it, plucking the first tupperware container his fingers grazed upon out of the cloth bag. Looking through the cloudy plastic, he spied a plethora of sweet treats inside and quickly ripped off the red cover.  

“Could you -,” you started to ask, but he was too fast. 

“I gotcha honey,” he cooed, sitting down on the side of the bed so that he could feed you the treats himself as you fed the pups.  

Joel plopped a brownie into your mouth, chuckling at the way your eyes rolled into the back of your head at the first taste of chocolate. A memory flashed through his mind, one from almost a year ago when he had found you cramming his expired chocolate into your mouth after pulling you from the riverside. He remembered fondly how the sweet treat had been smudged all over your face. The sight had made him want to laugh at first, before he had a sudden terrifying urge to clean it off with his own hands. It was funny for him to think about how clueless he had been about his love for you in the beginning, especially when every waking moment of his life since finding you by the river was devoted to your happiness. 

He fed you a couple more treats, chuckling when you asked him the same question that you had been asking him since day one; share it with me? Although Joel didn’t feel hungry, as he was still too wrapped up in his own worries to feel the pangs of hunger gnawing at his gut, you had a hold over him like no other. Which meant that all it took was your pleading eyes to trick Joel into eating a couple cookies and a brownie. Like always, he was easily swindled by your charm, forever the loyal servant to the woman that treated a brute like him like he was the most precious thing in the entire world. Nevertheless, as he watched the twins drink from your breasts, draining the precious nutrients they needed from their mother, he could only stomach eating one more cookie before he demanded you finish the rest of the sweets by yourself. 

“Alright, alright, jeez Mr. Grumpy-pants. What’s gotten up your ass all of a sudden?,” you mumbled, popping your mouth open for him to place a chunk of blueberry muffin in. 

“Tommy and Maria,” Joel sighed, “They’re still here. They want to talk to us about what happened so that they can figure out how he got in.” 

You winced and snapped your mouth shut, looking down at the twins with a pained expression. Joel’s nose wrinkled as your scent began to turn and he watched how the pups began to squirm at the shift in the room’s energy. They could sense your growing discomfort, just as he could. If he wasn’t so nervous about the meltdown the newborns were about to have, it would have blown his mind that they were already so attuned to their mother’s moods. 

“Honey s’okay, this is a good thing,” he cooed, leaning in to bump his forehead against yours. 

“Tell me how is this a good thing Joel? Someone tried to take us! How in the hell are we ever going to feel safe here again?,” you sniffed. 

With one heavy blink, tears sprouted from your eyes and ran down your cheeks. Joel acted fast, leaning forward so that he could plant kisses all over your face in hopes that it would stem the flow. He could taste the saltiness of your tears on his tongue and it lit a fire under his ass to comfort you. 

“Sweet girl, I know it doesn’t seem like it, but this IS a good thing. If there is some sort of hole in the wall or shit, I don’t know, a fucking underground tunnel, they need to know where it is so that they can secure it. That way, this won’t happen ever again,” Joel tried. 

He wasn’t sure that even he believed his words, but he willed himself to try. Usually it was you trying to instill hope in Joel, not the other way around. Nevertheless, if you needed a boost, he was going to try his best to be all rainbows and sunshines until you were back to normal. 

“I’ll tell them anything they want to know, just promise me that you’ll stay with us. So help me god Joel, if I hear that you’ve said yes to a single patrol for the next few weeks, I will find the breach myself just so I can come out there and strangle you in front of Tommy,” you warned. 

Joel nodded dutifully, “Yes ma’am, I ain’t going nowhere.” 

With that, you finally relaxed enough to finish feeding Alba and Ellis. When they were done, Joel took each of the milk drunk infants from you one by one, burping them before he placed them back in the crib so that they could drift off together until their next feeding. He watched for a moment as Alba reached out, thwapping her chunky little fist against her brother’s sternum a few times before she let it rest there. Ellis squirmed a bit and grunted at the abuse, only to settle when she finally relaxed. 

Although there were two cribs in the room, so far you and Joel had only used the one. It felt wrong to part the twins just yet, almost cruel. After spending a rocky eight months growing together inside of you, the two of them surviving impossible circumstances without their parents having any knowledge of their existence, neither one of you dared to keep them from each other. Plus, the twins seemed to enjoy the extra heat that came with sleeping alongside one another, as they came together like two magnets the second they were put down.   

“Joel, can you help me with this?,” you called out, forcing his focus away from the twins. 

The soft t-shirt you held in your hands was one of his, compliments of the few pairs of clothes your mother had dropped off for the both of you. Joel wasn’t sure how to feel about her going through the house on her own volition, but he was grateful that she thought enough to take from the pile of his shirts you had hidden amongst your own clothes. He didn’t want to know how you would have reacted if she had brought some of the dreaded maternity clothes you had been forced to wear, and he shuddered to think of your reaction if she had made the mistake of bringing your own clothes, the ones you likely wouldn’t be able to fit back into for at least another few months. 

Joel plucked his shirt from your hands, carefully easing the cotton over your face and swollen breasts. The tough part came at the incision mark below your navel and he gently rolled the fabric over the bandage, bracing himself for any whine of discomfort that may burst from your mouth. Luckily, none came. All you did was watch him through wary eyes, too tired and frustrated with the circumstance to mind. 

When Joel was done helping you dress, opting to leave you in a loose fitting pair of his boxers for bottoms rather than squeezing you into pants, he planted a kiss on your mouth. The small act eased only a few of the frown lines from your face, but he counted it as a win nonetheless. Joel brushed his thick fingers through your unruly locks, smoothing them down with an appreciative grin. Although you constantly complained to him about how hard it was to tame your hair, he always thought it was cute when you left it messy. 

Almost as cute as when you surprised him by leaning forward and stealing another kiss from him, taking the breath from his lungs until they burned with passion. A small grunt came from him and you smiled, giving him the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Joel could have lived in that moment forever, tangling his tongue with yours as you pulled at his mussed curls. Nevertheless, reality came in the form of a swift knock to the door that made the two of you quickly jump apart. 

“If your brother wakes them up, I swear to fuck -”

“Oh, I’m right there with ya darling,” Joel gritted out, racing over to the door so that he could stop the younger man before another round of heavy knocks produced a chorus of shrill screams. 

Joel ripped the door open, the anger clear on his face as he stared down at his little brother. Tommy grinned at him, as if he had forgotten that he was also a father who likely loathed any loud noises that might wake his own son. After another few moments of reproachful staring, Joel let the two betas in with a sigh, hurrying back over to your side so that he could place himself in front of the twins. 

If asked, Joel wouldn’t be able to say why he felt the need to shield them from his family’s view. It’s not like Maria or Tommy would ever harm their own niece and nephew, or any child for that matter. Still, he couldn’t ignore the way his blood itched with the need to protect them from anything and anyone. It was a feeling that he wasn’t sure would ever go away, but hoped would die down with time. 

“Hey! Wow, you actually don’t look too bad,” his brother proudly exclaimed, making your face fall in an instant. 

Joel glared at Tommy hard, the smoke practically pouring from his ears as he tried to think of one reason he shouldn’t throw the beta against the wall. The mood of the room shifted, causing sweat to gleam off his brother’s forehead as he realized the gravity of his blunder. Maria pivoted so that she could fully face her mate, cocking her hip out at him as she stared at him incredulously. Tommy closed his eyes for a moment in shame, sighing before he started in on an apology that was immediately cut off by your uncharacteristically sharp words. 

“Gee, thanks Tommy. That’s just what I needed to hear after having two big-ass pups cut out of me. Hey, when’s the last time you had all of YOUR organs pushed to one side so that the doctor could cut into YOUR uterus, hm? Oh, that’s right! Never because you don’t have one, so maybe shut the fuck up,” you seethed. 

Maria didn’t even try to save her mate from your wrath. Instead, she raised her eyebrows when he looked to her for help, as if to say that he had made his bed with his poor choice of words and now he was doomed to lie in it all by himself. A few more jumbled explanations came from the younger man, each more unintelligible than the last, until he finally came out with a somewhat coherent apology. 

“Shit, I really didn’t mean it like that sweetheart. M’sorry, I guess what I meant was -”

“Think you should be movin’ on from this topic baby brother, before it gets you into some big trouble,” Joel warned, the finality in his tone evident. 

Tommy nodded, miming himself zippering his lips before he fell completely silent. Maria stepped forward, giving her husband one final look that said that they would talk about the blunder later, before she turned her gaze towards his family. Joel reached out and grabbed your hand without even thinking about it, anchoring himself for the talk that was about to occur. 

“I know that this time is important for you as a family. Before we begin, I’d like it to be known that I wouldn’t be coming in here to ask these types of questions if I didn’t think it was necessary. But as the leader, I need to make sure Jackson is safe. Which means -”

“Which means that you’ve come to ask about when they took me,” you finished impatiently. 

Maria nodded with sorrowful eyes, as if she wanted to be anywhere other than in your hospital room at that moment. Perhaps if Joel was a better man, he would have felt bad for her for having to endure the plight of leadership regardless of where her own feelings lie, but he wasn’t a better man. 

The eldest Miller was a greedy man, one that had utilized violence and cruelty to get his kicks for decades, only to find out later in life that the happiness of his mate was like a shot of dopamine straight to his brain. From the second he found you, he knew that he would do anything for you, despite whatever consequences it had on anyone else. That is, until Ellis and Alba came into the picture last night. Now, there were three souls that Joel would kick up hell for to ensure they were taken care of. 

Fuck being a better man. 

Joel was not a hero by any means, he was a survivor. Which meant that he was completely fine with sticking to his morally gray guns while Maria led the town as she saw fit and Tommy did his best impression of an upstanding citizen. If they thought him a villain for being the way he was, then so be it. He didn’t care what anyone else thought, all he cared about was the wellbeing of his mate and his pups. 

“Look, like I already said before, I don’t know anything,” you started, already sounding annoyed. 

Maria nodded patiently, “I know but if you could just take us through that morning, maybe it could jog your memory a bit. Please, anything could help.”

A frustrated sigh puffed out from your lips, but you nodded nonetheless. 

“Okay uh… Well, I woke up that morning and Joel had left his lunchbox, so I walked down to the stables. I almost made it in time, but I had to stop by the fence across the road. Joel and Tommy were just leaving with the horses but I was in too much pain to call out,” you explained.

All of the blood in Joel’s veins turned to ice. Bile rose from the pit of his stomach and he was forced to swallow it down so that he wouldn’t start spewing chunks across the room.  

“You were there that morning? No, that can’t be. I would’ve heard or fuck, smelled you even. Please baby, tell me that ain’t true,” Joel cut in before anyone else could, the voices in his head screaming at him for not doing his duty, for yet again not protecting his mate. 

The wince on your face told him everything he needed to know. Joel had failed you in many ways yesterday, but it was this event that he knew he would never forgive himself for. You had needed him and he had left you there alone. Of course he had, as far as shitty alphas went, it didn’t get any more straightforward than him. 

“I thought it was maybe a strain when I woke up. It felt like all the muscles in my back were being torn apart, but I guess it was me going into labor. I didn’t even realize what was happening until my water broke a few hours later, but by that point I was uh… not in Jackson anymore.” 

The twins had begun to prepare for their debut early that morning and Joel had galloped past you, completely unaware that his mate was keeled over in pain just a few meters away. It made him want to throw himself onto the ground and wail, to tearfully beg you to forgive him for the neglect by impaling himself on his own blade, but you were too quick. Before Joel could fall into the dark pit of shame that he was already so familiar with, you had already tugged him back towards you. He was so lost in self loathing that he went willingly, carefully rolling the bassinet over with him so that the twins were still in reach as he sat down on the side of your bed. 

“M’sorry sweetheart, I can’t believe that I… If I’d known, I-I -”

“Shh Joel, stop,” you hushed him, reaching up so that you could rub circles into his scalp, “If you heard me, then you would have stayed and helped, but you didn’t. You can’t blame yourself for that, or any of it. Shitty things happen all the time, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.” 

He shook his head, not believing a single word you said. Of course it was Joel’s fault, it was him that only had one working ear and an apparent lack of awareness about his surroundings. You were innocent in all of this, a simple bystander that had been attacked while trying to bring your stupid mate the lunchbox he had forgotten. 

“But maybe if I remembered that fucking bag, you wouldn’t have been taken honey. Can’t you see that? S’all my fault,” he pressed on, unable to break himself out of his despair. 

You scoffed, “Joel, that’s simply not true. Those fucking assholes were here for months. They were just waiting for the right moment. If you hadn’t forgotten that bag, they probably would have taken me from the house the next time you left to go to the market. It was inevitable.”  

The thought of any of your kidnappers infiltrating the home that the two of you had built in Jackson irked something in Joel’s brain. He knew that you were right, that they would have likely snuck into the house and confronted you there, but picturing it made him feel like he could breathe fire. It felt so wrong to imagine them anywhere near his home, the place where he had spent the past two weeks baby proofing while you continuously reorganized the pup’s wardrobe like it held all the answers to parenting. 

“She’s right Joel, it isn’t your fault,” Tommy said, pulling his attention away from the spell your gaze put him under, “I was there too and I didn’t hear her either. We could play the ‘what if’ game until we’re blue in the face but it won’t change a thing. All we can do is move forward.” 

He gritted his teeth, the dull ache at the base of his skull turning into a sharp throb as he tried to work through his own self loathing for your sake. The only lifeline Joel had was your hand in his and he focused on the feeling of you squeezing his digits to keep himself sane. He locked eyes with you, catching the way your gaze implored him to see reason, and allowed his shoulders to drop with a heavy sigh. 

“Okay,” Joel relented. 

Joel didn’t know how else to calm himself, so he leaned forward and stole another kiss from your soft lips. A surprised noise was muffled against his mouth, followed by a hum of approval as he deepened it. He didn’t let it go on for long, all too aware of the two unwanted guests in the room, but he allowed himself just enough time to have the pleasure of seeing you breathless when he finally broke away. 

When Joel pulled back, he gazed at you longingly, like he wanted nothing more than to spend his life waxing poetic soliloquies about his love for you. If only he had the words to fully capture how he felt about his beloved, but alas, they simply didn’t exist. What he felt for you was too big for there to be any words that could do it justice. Joel yearned for every part of you, ferocious and manic in his desire, and he knew that he would happily grovel at your feet for a crumb of your affection until the day he died. And in return, every part of him was yours, which meant that if you needed your faithful servant to put aside his own feelings for the moment, then he would. 

A throat was cleared and the two of you looked back over at your visitors. Tommy scratched the back of his neck with an apologetic look on his face, while Maria stood ramrod straight beside him as she waited patiently to get back down to business. With an affirmative nod from you, Joel turned back towards the pair and braced himself for the next round of questioning. 

The rest of the conversation did not go any easier and unfortunately, Joel knew it was mostly because of him. He tried his best to keep himself from reacting, but hearing about how Fabien had drugged his pregnant mate had torn a hearty growl from his throat that nearly woke the sleeping pups. It only worsened when he had heard about the alpha slapping you across the face, along with all of the sick threats that both groups had spewed as you were chained and going through the pains of labor. 

Every fiber of his being became devoted to keeping himself still. Joel knew that if he allowed himself to move even an inch, he would fly off the handle and begin to scream in rage until the entire town knew what would happen if they came near his family. It was only when you directed his attention towards Ellis and Alba, convincing him to hold them for the remainder of the talk, that the sinister rumbling that came from deep within his chest finally stopped. The solid weight of the twins in his arms brought him back to earth, along with the way you played with his curls as you spoke. To Joel’s embarrassment, it was only once he was soothed that the line of questioning from Maria began to run a lot smoother. 

“Once I had killed her, I got the chain off and got out of there before the alphas could get to me. I could see a few of them down the street, so I headed straight into the woods. A few minutes later, Tommy found me having contractions against a tree and yeah, that is literally all I know,” you finished with a sigh. 

“And you don’t remember anything from when Fabien took you from the stables? Anything at all?,” Maria questioned. 

You shook your head, “No, not really. I remember feeling grateful that he caught me when I fell forward, I was worried about squashing the pup. The entire time he was carrying me out, I could feel his hands on my bump like he was trying to protect it. It was super weird but also oddly comforting.” 

The room grew silent at the admission and Joel turned back to look at you with a furrowed brow. If it was Fabien who had been carrying you out of Jackson, who then had held your bump in their hands with such care? The man only had two sets of hands, which meant that Maria was right, he had been helped by another to sneak you out. Before you had a chance to fully understand the gravity of your response, Maria was already turning to his brother with a list of instructions. 

“I need you to check the schedules. Look for someone who worked the gates, patrols, maybe even a couple of the stable guys. I want to know the names of everyone that had reason to be awake that morning. It would have to be someone who wouldn’t draw suspicion,” Maria instructed him, the tension in her body growing by the second. 

“W-What’s happening? Joel?,” you whimpered, sensing the change in his family’s demeanor immediately. 

Joel hushed you, “S’alright honey, this just means we’re one step closer to being safe. Now that we know Fabien had help, they can go through the logs and figure out who it is. No need to worry, we’re gonna be just fine.” 

Another quiet whine came from you, forcing him to press a smattering of kisses all over your face until you relaxed. Joel heard the two betas muffled conversation behind him but elected to ignore it, focusing all of his energy on calming his terrified mate. When the whimpering stopped, he sat back and turned to look at your guests. Maria whispered one last instruction to her husband, which he nodded dutifully at as he turned towards the rest of the room. With a sorrowful look on his face, Tommy peaked around him to lock eyes with you. 

“I really am sorry about before. I swear that I meant it as a compliment, but I ain’t too good at this sorta thing so…,” his brother stopped, getting redder by the second, “Congratulations to the both of ya, I can’t wait to meet my niece and nephew once you’re both er… less… territorial.” 

Maria looked like she was ready to strangle him at that, her already thinned patience fraying at the ends at his new attempt at being congratulatory. Joel knew how she felt and he suddenly wondered if this could be the one time he might be able to get away with drop-kicking his baby brother to the curb in front of his scary ass wife. However, it seemed that a tussle wasn’t necessary, as he and Maria were both surprised when they heard you laugh at Tommy’s poor manners. 

“Holy shit Tommy, it’s like you take one foot out of your mouth and then shove in two more. Are you trying to get attacked by one of the two hormonal parents in this room, or are you just THAT fucking dumb?,” you cackled, wiping away the tears that came from your laughter. 

Tommy chuckled and then sighed, “Just dumb unfortunately. Again, apologies and I’ll… I’ll be going now. See y’all around once you’re uh… yeah….” 

With that, his brother turned on his heel and hurried out of the room. Maria rubbed her temples with both hands once he was gone, muttering under her breath about the ridiculousness of her chosen partner. 

“Tommy means well, I promise, he just -”

“Isn’t good with words? I know. I have the other Miller brother, remember?,” you deadpanned. 

Joel scoffed while his sister in law snickered at his expense. She softened a little at your joke, which was why he tried not to be miffed at your jab. Although in the past, he had not been great with his words, Joel liked to think he had gotten much better since then. Nevertheless, he was grateful that your joke had shattered the tension in the room and he felt like he might finally be able to breathe without the twins sleeping in his arms. Not that he was about to put them down just yet, but it was nice to know he could if he needed to without having a full blown panic attack. 

“Guess you’re right, at least they’re pretty” Maria shrugged, earning a laugh from you and an annoyed huff from him, “Well, I guess I’ll leave you guys to it. I’ll let you know if we find anything. In the meantime, keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary.” 

Once you had both agreed, Maria took her cue and left the room. Joel turned to you when she was gone, a question on the tip of his lips before you shook your head at him. He sighed and let the inquiry die, putting the sleeping pups back in their crib so that he could crawl into bed with you. He slipped in behind you, gluing himself to your back so that he could hold you tight as the two of you watched the rise and fall of the twin’s chests. 

“Stay with us,” you pleaded groggily, exhaustion already pulling you back into another much needed nap. 

Joel hushed you, nuzzling the gland on your neck and pressing kisses into it until you were forced to relax against him. He tangled his legs with yours and brought you even closer to him in the stillness of the quiet morning, trying to reassure you as he gathered his thoughts. Sometimes, Joel was shocked at how well you seemed to know him. While other times, it was like you didn’t know him at all. Leaving you and the twins was never something he had considered, nor would it ever be. He’d sooner die. As Joel snuggled closer, you pressed back into him until your eyelids fluttered closed with a sigh, and it was that proximity that made him feel centered enough to speak. 

“Never gonna leave ya baby, you should know that by now. Gonna have to take me out back and shoot me if ya want me gone. If ya don’t, I’ll just sleep on the front porch until you let me back in the house again. Kids are gonna have to jump over me on the way to school,” he joked. 

The laugh you let out made Joel grin and he wished in that moment that he had the power to bottle it, so that he could listen to it anytime he was feeling down. 

“First of all, your back could not take sleeping on the porch. You’d be waddling around like I was when I was pregnant. Secondly, I’d never let the twins see their father in that sort of state,” you said.

He wanted to kiss you right then and there, to thank you for loving him so unconditionally. That was, until you continued. 

“No porch for papa on my watch, I’d exile you to the couch in the sunroom so that they wouldn’t notice that we’re fighting. You could slip back before breakfast. Oh! And maybe if you were a good boy, I’d even give you a space heater for the cold. But, you’d have to make it up to me big time to get back in the house.” 

“Oh yeah?,” he snorted, “And what would I have to give to get back in your good graces princess?”

You shrugged, “Head probably.” 

Joel guffawed, which turned into a bout of genuine laughter when you giggled at his reaction. He shook his head at your ridiculousness, blowing a wet raspberry into the crook of your neck in retaliation. You squealed and squirmed a bit, which left him no choice but to continue until you warned him that you might rip your stitches if he didn’t stop soon. With that, Joel quickly surrendered and went back to simply holding you in his arms. 

“I didn’t mean it like that Joel,” you admitted quietly after some time, “I don’t think you’d ever abandon your family, I just meant that I don’t want you to close yourself off from us. This is all so scary and I don’t know if I can do it if you aren’t here with me, physically and mentally.” 

He sighed, “I know honey.”

“I’m just so anxious about all of it, aren’t you?,” you asked softly, your voice barely above a whisper. 

Joel wasn’t sure what he could say to ease your worries, especially since he was just as terrified as you. Still, he knew that for your sake he needed to try. Although he could not predict the future, not with the world embroiled in such constant chaos, he was not going to leave your side until the breach was found and the traitors were brought to justice. Every single time the two of you were separated, no matter the circumstances, bad things seemed to happen and he wasn’t going to be taking any chances now that there were two pups that needed their parents. Plus, he also knew beyond a shadow of doubt that if anyone tried to threaten the pups, they would subsequently be torn apart by either their mom or their dad. 

“We’re gonna be okay. I don’t know how I know, but I just do. Those two have the most amazingly badass mom in the world, which means there ain’t nothing getting anywhere near them. And me? I’m staying right here, not letting any of you outta my sight,” Joel promised. 

As he spoke, his fingers crept into your hair, massaging your scalp until you were practically purring from his soft touch. 

“Hmmm, I guess you’re right. Plus I’ve heard their dad is pretty tough too… and kind… and handsome…and sweet… and he does this thing with his tongue where he swirls it around - hey!”

The tickles he gave to your underarms made you stop and explode into another fit of giggles, one that this time he was sure to cut short before you could strain yourself too much. 

“Gotta watch it darling, those two are like sponges and before you know it they’re gonna be repeatin’ just about every word you say. We don’t need them going around talkin’ bout tongue tricks to the other kids on the playground. People ‘round here already hate me enough,” he said. 

You snorted, “I doubt that they are going to have any long-term memory for at least another year babe, but point taken. I will keep any jokes about the joys of you eating me out off the table for the time being.”

He shook his head at your crass words, keeping in his laughter so as not to encourage your behavior. Nevertheless, you still managed to steal a brief snicker from him before he clammed up. 

“Fucking hell, go to sleep you nut,” Joel playfully grouched, pulling the linen blanket up around the two of you to emphasize his point. 

After reaching back for one more sweet kiss from him, you finally relaxed and drifted off into a peaceful sleep. Despite the fact that Joel had been awake for well over 24 hours, he refused to sleep, preferring to keep watch as his little family napped. Perhaps it was true that an average man needed rest, especially if he wanted to keep his sanity, but Joel Miller was not average in any sense of the word. 

Joel had lived a life full of cruelty, heart break, and unbearable tragedy, which had twisted the very basis of his humanity into something not quite human. Living with agonizing grief for years had hardened him, turning him into someone that even his own blood couldn’t recognize anymore. Nevertheless, the steel husk he had welded around his heart had been cracked open by you, which had forced him to actually feel for the first time in years. You were like a shock to his system, bringing him back into the light with your sweet words and witty remarks. And as he held you and watched over the pups that shared both of your DNA, he refused to surrender to his own exhaustion, ensuring that nobody could push him back into that kind of darkness ever again. 

- You - 

The doctor had let you go home from the clinic after four days of close supervision, with strict instructions to keep your incision cleaned until it was fully healed. Joel had listened to her instructions on cleaning the wound with rapt attention, asking question after question until you had to cut him off with a pointed look and thank her for her time. He had grumbled at that a bit, but ultimately let it go so that he could help you lug the twins back towards your shared home. Without the luxuries of modern technology, there was no car waiting to pick you up when you finally left the clinic. Instead, all you got was a jumpy alpha that glared at any resident that looked at his family for too long as he held his son close to his chest. 

Alba had fussed in your arms the entire way home, angered by the slight jostles and the way the incessant wind blew her dark curls across her forehead. Meanwhile Ellis, as always, had been the more stoic of the pair and simply held on tight to Joel’s index finger with a firm scowl on his face as he was carried back home. You tried not to be jealous that Joel had picked the calmer of the two, but it was hard not to be when your legs wobbled with every step you took, your deflated tummy still hanging heavy as your abdomen healed. The doctor had assured you multiple times that the swelling would go down in the next two months as the fluids that your body retained were flushed out, but you were still not a fan of the way it looked in the meantime. 

When the four of you had arrived home, you were greeted with a clean house that had a small pile of welcome home baskets stacked in the living room. Most of them came from family, and there was even one that was from the staff at the clinic, but you were touched to see that quite a few vaguely familiar Jackson residents had dropped off some goodies for your family. If you weren’t so tired that day, it probably would have made you cry. 

“Christ, your mama filled our fridge with a whole bunch of stuff. I think we should be set for at least a week or two,” Joel called from down the hall. 

It didn’t surprise you that she had been by. In fact, it was your mother who had been the first to visit you at the clinic. At first you were nervous to allow her in, childish fears about the mother she had been for you creeping up as she stepped in the room. Nevertheless, you also felt like you understood her more now. Although you would never do the things she did to ensure your survival, the use of bitter words and harsh slaps to correct your own children’s behavior out of the question, you understood now that she was trying to keep you safe. In a group where the roles were set so rigidly that anyone who went against them would be killed, she had tried to mold you into a perfect little omega so that nobody would dare question your place. 

If you were not allowed out with the other kids, then there was no way you were going to be caught doing something that would lead to more trouble. There would be no unplanned pregnancies or drunken shenanigans under her watch. Similarly, if you were too scared to speak up, then you would never be punished by your own husband as she had been by hers. There were things about you that she couldn’t change, like the fact that you were a product of an unmarried couple or that your father had not come from a Christian background, but she could distract them by making you flawless. You understood her decision, and even though you would never come to the same conclusion for your own children, you knew now that it had come from a place of love rather than hate. 

It was after your mother had held both Ellis and Alba, commenting on how much they resemble their parents with a soft smile gracing her face, that she had promised to prepare the house for your arrival. Although the both of you had tried to shoo her away, claiming that it was unnecessary since the house was already more or less ready, you were now glad she had persisted. And it seemed that she had help, as you noted the pack and play that had been brought up from the basement in the corner of the living room. Stepping closer to it, you smelled hints of both Tommy and Cooper’s scents lingering on the fabric, which brought a small smile to your face at the kind gesture. 

After your mother had left, Tommy and Maria had come back to be reintroduced to the pair without their business faces on. You had watched as Tommy ribbed his older brother for passing on his features to Ellis, remarking that they looked cuter on the pup with a grin. Joel had rolled his eyes and held his hands out for the boy, grumbling about how annoying the younger man was as he snatched his son away from him. They hadn’t stayed long, too busy with the search to linger for more than an hour, but you could tell Joel appreciated it nonetheless. 

Once they were gone, Cooper had come in for a short visit. He was under strict instructions to report back to his bedridden mate and had come toting a bag of supplies that you knew Jake had picked out personally based on the contents alone. Cooper didn’t strike you as the type to think of sanitary napkins and face wash. His presence warmed your heart as much as it had made you laugh, and you quickly relieved the perpetually anxious man from his duty after he had held both of the pups for a few moments. Cooper had sighed in relief and thanked you for allowing him to come in, explaining how Jake had warned him that he would waddle over to the clinic himself if his mate didn’t go in his place. 

And now, with twins thoroughly introduced to your loved ones, it was up to the two of you to raise them. It felt… weird, and you weren’t sure what to do with yourself as you stood in the living room with the whimpering pup in your arms. During your pregnancy, you had endlessly prepared for the birth like it was the end of times (no pun intended). But nobody had ever mentioned how strange it would feel once you were home with them. You had no idea what you were supposed to do with either of them now. 

“Honey? Did you hear what I said?,” Joel asked, striding towards you so that he could take Alba off your hands. 

You let him take her, thankful for the few pounds of extra weight being lifted from your arms as your legs shook from the exertion of the walk home. If Joel noticed, he didn’t say anything about it, but you noticed that he did practically herd you towards the couch like he was some type of sheepdog. Although you could tell he wanted you to sit, you were too keyed up to do anything but stand nervously by the couch and wring your hands together as you tried to think of the next steps to take. 

“What are we supposed to do with them now? I mean, do we just let them sleep? What do we do in the meantime? Oh my god, should we be watching them while they sleep? What happens if we don’t?,” you questioned him, the words rushing out of your mouth in a jumbled mess. 

Sensing your growing distress, Joel spied the pack and play in the corner of the room and hastened towards it so that he could lay the two infants down. Once they were settled, he retraced his steps back to you and plopped down on the couch. Before he could even ask, you clambered on top of him so that you could be soothed by his warmth. With a sigh, you pressed your face into his neck and mindlessly kissed at the skin below his ear. Joel didn’t shy away from your touch, instead he reached up and dug one hand into your messy hair so that he could rub circles into your scalp, meanwhile the other hand lightly scratched your back. 

“There’s no rule book on what parents get up to when their pups are asleep baby, if we’re tired then we’ll sleep. If not, we’ll find something else to do. Hell, all them reusable diapers are gonna have to be washed at some point. Plus, we still gotta make sure we’ve got time to shower and eat ourselves. There will be loads to do, just wait for it mama,” Joel murmured. 

“I guess,” you sighed, “I just feel like I should already be doing something for them ya know?” 

He chuckled, pulling back so that he could get a better look at you. Both of his rough hands came up to cradle your face and you hummed when you felt Joel’s thumbs brush over your cheeks. 

“Yeah baby, I know how you feel. When Sarah was born, I nearly ran myself ragged trying to stay up in case she needed me, but after a while I realized she was fine. If she needed me, she’d cry and if not, I’d sleep or clean. S’not rocket science,” he explained. 

“Okay,” you relented, kissing the side of his face before you buried yourself back into his neck. 

And as it turned out, Joel was mostly right. The first few days home were weird, as you were still unsure of what to do with yourself and had a hard time getting up without his help due to your healing incision, but you had slowly healed and gotten the hang of being a parent. Even though the twins were a handful, as one would set the other off and start a screaming match that inevitably led to them teaming up to bring the house down, you wouldn’t trade it for the world. As you watched their tiny faces take shape, with both of them looking more like you and Joel each day, you suddenly had a hard time remembering a time without them. And it wasn’t just the pups that caught your attention. 

Watching Joel return to his former glory as a father made you fall madly in love with him all over again. It was like their arrival had revitalized him, turning him into the papa bear you had hoped he would become. You couldn’t help but be enamored with him as you watched him care for the pups, singing to them when he thought you weren’t listening, or carrying them around the house to show them the things their tiny eyes had never seen before. It made you want to give him a bus load of them, but you had to keep those thoughts to yourself unless you wanted Joel to have an aneurysm. 

Needless to say, life was surprisingly good for the first few weeks of their lives, and before you knew it the twins had turned two months old. Joel had yet to return to work and neither had you, the two of you deciding to not push the subject on account of the lack of leads regarding your kidnapper, but that was okay. Life was good as long as you ignored the fear that still lurked in the background, the same fear that had moved both of the cribs into your bedroom for the foreseeable future and slid a baseball bat under Joel’s side of the bed. 

Most of your days were spent ignoring that fear, focusing instead on the two pups that had changed your lives. With your incision completely healed and the twins in perfect health, the four of you had spent much of September taking walks around the quieter parts of town to enjoy the good weather while it lasted. And when it wasn’t particularly nice out, Joel would play music for them or you would read aloud until they calmed down. It was a quiet life for the time being, but you didn’t mind it at all. It was the kind of life you had once thought to be a pipedream. 

Nevertheless, after two months of the bliss that came with beginning a new life together as parents, it was quite a shock when Tommy showed up on your doorstep red faced and panting one night after supper. With Alba clumsily batting at your face, you opened the door and let him in with a confused look. 

“Sorry about the surprise visit, sweetheart. Wasn’t my intention to interrupt any schedule y’all might have the two little hell raisers on,” Tommy said sheepishly, a flush creeping up his neck as he did. 

“No, that’s alright. Everyone is fed and changed, we’re just doing tummy time right now. Ellis is giving his dad some attitude lately, so Joel is on a mission,” you sighed, carefully prying your hair out of Alba’s fist before she had a chance to yank it. 

“Tummy time? Shit, I gotta see that,” the beta laughed, making you roll your eyes at him as you turned back towards the rest of your family. 

Tommy followed you into the living room where Joel laid on the floor, softly encouraging Ellis to lift his head from the mat. Whereas Alba seemed to have no issue looking up at both of her parents when she was called, her brother seemed to only be interested in listening to you. It was hard not to be smug about it each time the pup refused to heed his father’s call, but you tried to keep it at bay for Joel’s sake. Ellis’s refusal was funny at first, with Joel rolling his eyes at your poor attempts to hide your gloating, but you could tell that it was starting to get to him. He was determined to get Ellis’s attention, even though it was clear that the pup’s ears worked fine, he was just simply ignoring his dad. 

“Better be careful Joelie, wouldn’t want a senior citizen such as yourself breaking a damn hip getting up from there,” Tommy teased. 

“Ha ha, very funny asshole,” Joel grumbled, rolling his eyes as he pulled himself into a seated position so that he could lift Ellis from the mat, “Better have a good reason for coming here unannounced, you’re interrupting tummy time and I almost got him to look up just now.” 

If someone would have told you a year ago that the man who had plucked you from the riverside, the same one who kept you at arm’s length due to his own grief and who struck fear in the hearts of many, would be scolding his brother for disturbing your son’s tummy time, you would have laughed in their face. But life has a weird way of defying all expectations, for better or for worse. And this time, it was for the better, as all of your wildest fantasies about the rugged older alpha had become a reality. In fact, it had turned out better than you could have imagined, as you now had the kind of partner who actually saw the real you and instead of being afraid or disgusted, he loved you even more. 

“Tummy time? Bleh Joel, are you serious?,” his brother groaned, shaking his head as he did. 

“Deadly,” Joel shot back, glaring at his brother for poking fun at the silly name. 

You rolled your eyes at the impromptu standoff between the two men, recognizing the tell tale signs of their ongoing brotherly bickering. All of the complicated past between the two men had been forgiven since your pregnancy, but this was something else. This was about a constant need to fuck with eachother, regardless of how stupid or petty it may seem to anyone else. Being an only child, you had never experienced it first hand, but you had grown accustomed to the sibling rivalry between the two brothers. And as they tried to scald each other with their glares over the stupid comment, you knew you had to shut it down before the juvenile name calling started. 

“Alright, alright,” you cut in, making the two of them turn your way, “Can you two knock it off? I already have two kids, I don’t need another two.” 

They apologized in unison, giving eachother one last childish glare before they finally broke apart from one another. Joel wordlessly scooped Alba from your arms, leaving a kiss on your cheek before he transferred the twins over to their pack and play. Like you, he gave them both a soft kiss on their ridiculously chubby cheeks, something that warmed you from the inside out as you watched him from across the room. When he straightened up, he caught your grin and matched it, hastening over to your side so he could steal another smooch from you. It was messy, as the two of you were smiling too wide for it to last very long, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was the dopey, love fueled grins you gave each other afterwards. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, if I thought y’all were bad before,” Tommy scoffed, making his brother turn away from you with a frustrated sigh. 

“What the hell do you want Tommy? We’re a bit busy being new parents at the moment, can’t you see that? I know Frankie is five now, but you gotta remember what it’s like,” Joel griped. 

It was then that you knew something was wrong. Rather than a witty remark, Tommy’s face fell, any annoying jest he had on his mind about how obsessed the two of you were with each other dying on his tongue in an instant. Joel stiffened at your side at the change in his brother’s demeanor and slipped his hand into yours. You numbly let Joel lead you both to the couch, where you sat and anxiously waited for whatever bomb that was about to be dropped. Tommy marched over and sat on the loveseat across from you, his right leg shaking nervously for a few seconds before he slapped his hands against his thighs and began. 

A pin drop could have been heard in the room when Tommy started to speak and you could practically taste the blood that had to be filling Joel’s mouth, as his brother’s words made him start gnawing on the inside of his cheek like it was made of leather. According to Tommy, the identities of the people who had helped Fabien smuggle you out of Jackson had finally been revealed. It was a conflicting update, as you weren’t sure whether you should be overjoyed that they were found or terrified about what was to come. 

Having been busy being pregnant for the majority of your time in Jackson, you hadn’t had the chance to get into any trouble and had no idea what sort of justice system they had in place. And despite your fears, you were forced to continue to listen to Tommy’s tale, regardless of the fact that you were drowning. 

Tommy steamrolled through the obvious discomfort on both of your faces, explaining how it had been hard for them to know for sure, as the culprits had been found out due to a drunken confession from one of them at the Tipsy Bison. However, a quick investigation had revealed the truth. The first man was found to be guilty when Joel’s forgotten lunchbox turned up in the bottom of his locker at work, kept like some sort of trophy for his misdeeds. Meanwhile the second had been stupid enough to keep the remainder of the chemicals that had been used to knock you out in his home. 

“I wanna have a talk with them,” Joel answered immediately, his words laced with venom as he said it. 

“Joel, you know that it don’t work like that here. We’re trying to make this a civilized place, which means that there has to be a trial and we gotta-” 

“What happened at the bar?,” you asked, uncaring of whatever bullshit explanation he was about to give for the sake of diplomacy. 

To you, these two strangers were as good as dead. They had threatened you while you were in labor and therefore, they had threatened your children. That meant that their days were numbered. You didn’t care what the jury in Jackson ruled, you were going to kill them with your bare hands. And based on the sour stench leaking from Joel’s pores, you knew that you weren’t going to be alone in your quest to end their sorry lives. 

“One of them is a regular down at the Bison, he had a few too many one night and started talkin’ nonsense to Seth. Nothing unusual for folks there, but this time he started spoutin’ off about some pregnant omega and getting back at her ‘asshole alpha’,” Tommy said, only to be cut off by a vicious growl from his brother. 

Rage ping ponged back and forth between the bond you shared, making the both of you grow more irritated by the second, but you knew that someone had to remain rational. So instead of baring your teeth and screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs like you wanted to, you squeezed Joel’s thigh with your free hand, bringing him back down to earth before he could run off towards the prison cells for his revenge. When he was calmed, you nodded at Tommy to continue and shifted closer to Joel, anchoring him to his seat by crawling into his lap as his brother started again. 

“Anyways uh, Seth tapped Maria on the shoulder. Turns out, Joel busted a beer bottle over the guy’s head about four years ago. Guess he kept a grudge. He was the one that um… helped carry her out through the breach. He was the one with your bag,” Tommy uttered, clearly worried about his brother’s reaction. 

Joel sucked his teeth in annoyance. He had already explained to you the details of that eventful night, where he had gone to the bar looking to get hammered and fight the first idiot to come his way. That night he was lucky enough to be blessed with a grade A asshole who was bragging about cheating on his girlfriend to his buddies. Fueled by nothing but whiskey and endless grief, Joel had slammed his face into the bar until it was cracked open and gushing heavy spurts of blood, only stopping when he was physically restrained. In your first few months in Jackson, he had pointed the man out to you at the general store and you remembered trying hard not to react to the scars your mate had left on his face. At the time, you had even felt bad for the guy. 

“Who else?,” Joel asked gruffly, a strange mix of anger and guilt written all over his face as he did. 

“The dining hall guy,” his brother responded. 

Ah yes, of course, you thought, the dining hall guy. 

That man had remained a mystery to you until two weeks after the twins had been born, when a random bushy haired man had glared at your family from the porch of the fabric store. You had elbowed Joel in the ribs, muttering to him about the strange man whose gaze was burning a hole through the side of your face. Joel had furrowed his brow and followed your eye back towards the offender, sighing when he realized who it was. 

It was then that Joel had been forced to go into full detail about how he had thrown a man over a table at the dining hall one morning and whipped him with a tray until he fell unconscious. The reasoning behind that one was tricky, as the poor bastard was more a victim of circumstance than anything else. After the particularly rough first night back in Jackson, with the effects of nearly two bottles of whisky still poisoning his blood, the man had made the mistake of pushing Joel to get towards the breakfast line. Hammered and itching for some sort of brawl, Joel had attacked. 

When you learned about what Joel had done to both of these men, you could tell that he felt remorse about it at the time. Although the asshole at the Bison probably deserved a slap for cheating on his girlfriend, he didn’t deserve a lifetime of scars. And even though the other guy probably should have excused himself rather than push his way towards the line, that was no reason to knock a few teeth loose with a hard plastic tray. Nevertheless, as you watched his entire body go rigid at your elusive kidnappers finally being unmasked, you knew that any remorse he held for them was long gone. In a world like this one, vengeance was a fool’s game, but that didn’t mean that the alluring nature of the pointless act didn’t call to the both of you. 

“What’s going to happen now?,” you asked when Joel stayed silent, the alpha seemingly imprisoned in his own fury. 

Tommy sighed, “They’re in jail now, so y’all don’t have to worry no more about people coming after ya. They’ll have a trial in a week and then they’ll be sentenced. In the meantime, we’ll have to figure out how to seal the breach so that nobody else can just waltz in here.”

“Where was it?,” Joel piped up, still staring at his hands with his face set. 

“There is a manhole near the stables. It leads down to the sewer line and pops out a few miles east of the wall, right below where the river drops off. We found a piece of her dress snagged on a branch near there. I’m real sorry to ya both, we thought all the sewage tunnels had collapsed.”

An indignant sound came from Joel, one that had the hairs on the back of your neck standing straight up.   

“They took my pregnant mate through an abandoned sewer tunnel… during a storm? And they carried her out through the river? The same one that swells up every single time it rains?,” Joel questioned. 

It wasn’t what Joel was saying that was making you nervous, it was the way he said it. His voice had turned robotic, with his deep timber flat and devoid of any emotion as he asked his questions. Tommy felt the shift as well and leaned forward in his seat, almost as if he was ready to jump on his brother’s back if he tried to rush off towards the jail cells. 

“They did do all of that but uh, I don’t want y’all to worry. Like I said, there will be a trial and there will be justice. There ain’t no way they’re walking away from this, I can promise you that. People might feel some way about Joel, but there’s a line and they crossed it the second they kidnapped a pregnant omega,” Tommy promised. 

The numbness you felt only worsened at that, forcing you to nod and make the affirmative noises you needed to make in order to get Tommy out of the house as quickly as possible. Joel did the same, grunting and nodding along as his brother explained that the two men would likely be either hanged or shot in the coming weeks for their crimes against the community. But deep down, you knew that there was already a plan taking shape in Joel’s mind that didn’t include any of Jackson’s authorities. 

“Alright well, like I said there will be a trial and y’all are more than welcome to come to it. Until then, try to take it easy. And please, for the love of God, don’t be getting up to any trouble,” Tommy begged. 

Joel grunted his affirmation, waving his brother off before he could fuss too much. Tommy sighed at his brother’s soured mood and turned towards the entryway, pausing to look at you as he reached the door to the mudroom. 

“That goes for the BOTH of you. I want no funny business from either Bonnie or Clyde, you hear me?,” he asked, with his finger pointed directly at you. 

“I have no fucking idea who you’re talking about old man, but sure,” you mumbled, too tired and pissed off to pretend to know who he was referring to. 

Despite his anger, you heard Joel snort from beside you as his brother gawked at your response. You shrugged, reminding him once again that you were only five years old when the outbreak had started. How were you supposed to remember every supposedly legendary character in the movies you’d never get to see or the notable figures in the textbooks you’d never have a chance to read? Most of your life before meeting Joel was spent trying to do one thing: survive. 

“You don’t know who -,” Tommy stopped and shook his head, “Jesus Christ Joel, you really were robbing the cradle with this one. I can’t believe my fucking ears, she don’t even know who god damn Bonnie and Clyde are.”

“Oh my fucking god, goodbye Tommy,” you groaned. 

“Get out of here you little shit,” Joel snapped, his words overlapping with yours and matching your annoyance. 

With that, Tommy left, leaving the two of you to a silent house after the door clicked shut behind him. Neither one of you said anything for a while, too wrapped up in all that had been revealed to speak. However, you were parents now, which meant that the moment Ellis started whining for his last meal before bed, the two of you were up. 

Like a well oiled machine, you worked together to get the twins into their cribs. While you fed a very squirmy Ellis, Joel took Alba upstairs for a quick bath and a fresh onesie for bed. After you were done, you switched, before meeting up in the master bedroom to lay them down for the night. Once they were down, the two of you crept out of the room like you were art thieves pulling off an elaborate heist. Joel motioned for you to follow him after he shut the door and for the first time since bringing them home, you left them alone. Still, you didn’t go very far, as Joel opted to veer into the spare room by the stairs that had yet to be used for anything other than storage. 

Neither one of you moved to pull the door completely shut behind you, as you were both still too nervous to cut yourselves off from the twins completely. Instead, you left it slightly ajar, providing just enough coverage to muffle the sound of your voices while also allowing you both to hear any noises that came from outside. It wasn’t that you were worried about not hearing the pups, especially with the way Alba screamed her heart out at the drop of a hat, it was the ever present fear of someone taking them that still lingered in your minds. 

Joel sat on the edge of the bed, directly on top of a pile of fabrics you had sworn you would use to sew new disposable diapers for Ellis and Alba. Of course that hadn’t happened, as you were much too busy with nursing and getting adjusted to being a mom to take time to finish any projects. And so they had sat, collecting dust until he had plopped down on top of them. With a sigh, you joined him, a headache already forming behind your eyes as you did. It didn’t take a genius to guess what was running through both of your minds, so you decided to rip the band-aid off and say it. 

“I want them both gone Joel and I think we should deal with it ourselves,” you said, giving life to the vindictiveness that grew like weeds in your chest. 

Joel didn’t answer, all you got in response was a sigh, followed by him lifting you into his lap so that the two of you were nose to nose. Like two puzzle pieces coming back together, you buried one of your hands into his overgrown curls, scritching at his scalp with one hand while the other rested against his steadily beating heart. Joel released another breath and snuck a hand under your shirt, drawing soothing circles onto your hip while the other rubbed the tension from the muscles in your back. 

You stayed like that for a while, gathering more strength from each other with every breath you took. The two of you melted together, until your forehead was resting against his and he was looking deep into your eyes. Not a word was said by either of you, but you knew what his answer was nonetheless. 

There were two men in Jackson who had threatened your family, two men that would not be allotted the fair trial they were promised for the crimes they had committed. Neither Joel, nor you, cared about justice. What you both cared about was keeping the twins safe, no matter the consequences. Which meant that if there was even the slightest possibility that they might let off easy, the two of you were going to see to it that a divine intervention took place. 

“Y’know what darling? It’s been about two months since the pups were born, don’t ya think it’s time for mom and dad to have a little date night?,” Joel asked, a wry grin spreading out on his face as he did. 

Joel’s eyes twinkled with a wicked playfulness as he grinned at you. Any other person would have been terrified of your mate as he was in that moment, unhinged and ready to pounce on his prey at the drop of a hat, but it stirred up something needy inside of you. Something that, up until two weeks ago, you had been banned from pursuing and still had yet to accomplish due to the hectic schedule attached to having twins. Although you knew that this “date night” would not be the usual kind, you decided right then and there that there was no reason that the two of you couldn’t have a quickie on the way back. 

Joel was brutal like this, all revved up to tear through his enemies, and for some reason it worked on you. It was the way he was willing to do literally anything for your family that turned you on, along with the natural intensity he always carried himself with. Like you, Joel Miller did not love many people, but when he did, he did it with every fiber of his being. To be loved by Joel was to be loved by a raging ocean. It was a constant flood of affection and warmth that swept you away, keeping you enveloped beneath the surface of it forever. 

Not that you had ever once wanted to be saved from it. 

-

The next week moved along slowly as you both prepared. It was risky, especially with how Maria felt about Joel’s place in Jackson, but you didn’t care. Their bodies would be long gone before morning, leaving nothing behind but empty cells for the guards to find when they went to bring them in for their trial. Little did the Jackson community know, the two men had already been sentenced the second they had made the decision to mess with your family. 

Everything was planned out. Jake and Cooper would take the twins, which you had thanked them endlessly for due to the fact they had a newborn as well, one who would undoubtedly be peeved by the racket your pups made on a daily basis. Nevertheless, your best friend had volunteered at the first mention of your sex life having yet to be revived, excitedly agreeing before his mate could say no. 

“Oh my God, why didn’t you start with that? Of course we’ll watch them! Allie has gone all big sister mode for Miriam, I’m sure she’s gonna lose it when she hears that her cousins are going to stay the night,” Jake had babbled excitedly. 

You had watched as he had smacked his mate’s arm, forcing Cooper to give a less than enthusiastic thumbs up to the impromptu sleepover. You didn’t blame the alpha, the thought of having three newborns and a toddler in your house for the night made you want to puke. Nevertheless, you had agreed to the one stipulation that the couple had laid out for you; that you would return the favor to them once they were ready to go on their own date nights. After packing a few bottles of breastmilk for the sleepover, thanking every higher power that Joel had finally managed to score a breast pump from a chance visit to the market, you kissed their chubby cheeks and sent them along to be dropped off by their father.  

Joel had the harder task, distracting his own family from watching his every move as they had been since the perpetrators were caught. To her credit, your mother had helped him in his endeavors. Since the rescue mission that the two of them had gone on together, you still would not call them close by any means, but they had an odd sort of camaraderie. This comradery they shared had weirded you out at first, especially when you heard about the trail of bodies your usually rule-abiding mother had left behind, but you were more than happy to reap the rewards of their strange relationship when Joel managed to score a favor from his partner in crime.   

Maria and Tommy would be, much to their dismay, entertaining the woman in question who was under strict instructions to stall. Whereas Maria would have been harder to crack, your mother was skilled in the art of sniffing out the weaknesses in other people, and had gone in for the kill when her husband was alone. All it took was a few minutes of persistence and Tommy was putty in her hands, agreeing to her idea of a dinner without ever checking in with his mate. Joel had relayed to you how that went with a chuckle, recounting the look of surprise Maria had on her face when Tommy told her, followed by the sharp words she had done a poor job at concealing as they left the dining hall to prepare for the visit. 

With everything set in place, all that was left to do was look the part. You weren’t sure what normal people wore on a date, having never been on one yourself, but you figured it would be good to keep up appearances as you walked throughout town together. Plus, if it made Joel look at you like you wanted him to, the way that made you feel like you were some sort of ethereal being, who said you couldn’t have your cake and eat it too?

Which led you to where you were, standing in front of the mirror as you fixed up the bit of makeup you had snagged from Jake. Although you had dressed reasonably, a clean pair of jeans with no holes paired with a shirt that actually kept your swollen breasts tamped down, you had elected to give yourself a bit of a pick me up in the form of cosmetics. After finishing with the chalky blush that was likely wildly expired, you smoothed down your hair once more and tried to settle your nerves. 

Was it too much? You hoped not. Joel had never told you to dress up, but you wanted to surprise him. For two months, you had to watch as your mate truly came into his own as a father. And whereas you were too exhausted to care much about appearances, for some reason Joel looked unbelievably hot as a disheveled dad. It was as annoying as it was endearing. Which is why you decided to actually try, hoping to give yourself a much needed confidence boost after two months of wearing nothing but baggy clothes that the twins would inevitably spit up on. Nevertheless, the longer you stood in the entryway mirror, the more time you had to focus on the new insecurities that came with birthing two pups. 

“Christ darling, I should take you out on fake dates more often,” a voice laden with a familiar southern twang drawled from behind you, lifting you from the pit of despair in an instant. 

Your eyes lit up as you turned, coming face to face with the devilishly handsome man that took your breath away. Although Joel had not spruced himself to any great degree, you noticed how his hair had been artfully tousled and pushed back with a gel that you knew he had to have borrowed from Tommy. His flannel was clean, along with his jeans, and he had recently shaved. Looking at the absolut hunk you were lucky to call your mate, you realized that he had the same idea.  

“If you promise to clean up like that everytime, then hell ya you should,” you shot back, stepping forward to smooth out his collar for him. 

Joel smiled wide, a bit of pink dusting the highs of his cheekbones from the compliment. He grabbed your hand when you were finished fixing his collar, kissing the back of it as he stared at you so lovingly that you forgot how to breathe. It was a twisted sort of love that the two of you shared, one that held the sweetest moments mixed in with all the chaos and bloodshed, and yet you didn’t want it any other way. You wanted Joel, in all his gentleness and in all his brutality, for as long as he’d have you. 

“The twins are with their uncles and your mama should be on her way over to Tommy’s right now. Are you ready pretty girl?,” he asked, giving you the out that he knew you were never going to take. 

“Let’s do this handsome,” you replied, taking his hand and leaving the safety of your shared home behind. 

A chill had settled over Jackson as September neared its end, something that you had originally cursed. Joel’s birthday was coming up and you had originally planned to do a little picnic as a family, knowing that he’d probably hate anything flashy. However, as you walked hand in hand through the silent streets, you praised mother nature for her unpredictability. With many of the Jackson residents holed up in their homes to save themselves from the brisk nights, there was nobody else around when you finally made it to the small jailhouse along one of the main strips. 

Joel reached into the breast pocket of his coat, brandishing one of the keys he had stolen from his brother’s coat in preparation. The lock opened with a click and Joel nodded to you to go in first, easing the door shut behind him so that he wouldn’t alert anyone who might be lurking in the neighboring shops. You padded through the building, quietly peeking into the empty rooms to ensure there were no guards milling about until you reached the last one. 

“Are you sure about this baby? I know that you said that this is what you wanted, but you can back out at any time. I wouldn’t be mad if you just wanted t-”

“- I said that I wanted them dead Joel and I meant that shit,” you cut him off, voice laden with unmitigated rage, “If you want to turn back then go, I’ll meet you back at the house when I’m done, but I need to make these fuckers cry.” 

Joel smiled widely, almost maniacally, at your bitter words. In two steps, he was in front of you, grabbing your face so that he could kiss you with all of his might. It felt like he was trying to consume you, to squeeze every part of you with his meaty hands as he feasted on the inside of your mouth. And all you could do was take it, already so intoxicated from his touch that Joel had to place a hand on the small of your back to keep you upright. He poured everything he had into that kiss, leaving you breathless and spinning when he finally pulled away. You loved it, and him, so much so that you couldn’t help but leave him with a smattering of pecks all over his face in thanks. 

“Shit honey, I never would have thought that the sweet girl I found by the river would be doing this shit with me. You are fucking nuts and I love you so god damn much for it,” he murmured against your lips. 

“Oh please,” you laughed, “What sweet girl? Last time I checked, I tried to get in your pants almost immediately after meeting you and later went on a murder spree. WE are fucking nuts babe, or else our first date night would probably look a little different than this.” 

Joel chuckled, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

“I love you too Joel. There’s nobody else for me, it could only be you,” you sighed, smiling when he brushed a lock of hair behind your ear. 

“Ready?,” Joel asked again, looking deeply into your eyes as he did. 

“What are we waiting for baby? Let’s kick some ass,” you answered, making his smile grow even wider. 

Another kiss was shared, this one slightly more desperate and mean than the other, broken by Joel only after it became clear that the two of you were wasting precious time. Although you longed for him to ravish you against the wall, to drill into you so hard that the guilty parties behind the door could hear the way your pussy gushed around his cock, there was something you needed even more than that. A soft kiss was placed on your cheek before you parted, giving you one final moment of gentleness before Joel swung the door open with all of his might. 

- Joel -

There was something about you like this that drove Joel absolutely fucking wild. Although he had originally been too stupid to believe that it was you that had killed so many of Paul’s men while he was imprisoned, he now got to witness the monstress those men had encountered first hand and she was impressive. It was like there were two versions of the woman he loved, the first being the caring partner who doted upon her family every waking moment, while the second was a ruthless killer that took pleasure in the pain of those who had wronged her. Joel was slightly embarrassed to admit, but it made his pants tighter to see you so mean and he had to subtly readjust himself quite a few times as he watched you work. 

After knocking the two assholes out, the two of you had used the cover of night to drag their unconscious bodies through the same breach they had dragged you through, which you had called poetic justice. Neither of you stopped until you were out of the sewers and a few miles outside of Jackson’s walls so that nobody, not even a patrol that was late getting back from their evening shift, could hear them scream. Luckily, there was a small barn that sat next to an old dilapidated farmhouse a few miles out, one that had made you both smile when you saw all the tools hanging on the walls. 

The man who had stolen the lunchbox and kept it as a trophy had gone first. His tough guy act had been dropped fast, as Joel had launched at him the second he got the go ahead from you. There was something so personal about the way the man had stolen the bag you had sewn for him, the same one that you had filled with a lunch and walked down to the stables to give to him directly, and it made Joel a bit unhinged. While he beat the man into a bloody pulp, his buddy had watched in horror, astounded at the brutality before him. 

Joel had to admit that he went a little overboard with the first guy, too furious to make it last like he had wanted it to, but you didn’t seem to mind. You watched him the entire time, never once flinching or asking him to stop, and had even leaned into the other man’s ear to toy with him a bit while his friend was killed. He didn’t hear what you said but whatever it was, it had the other man shaking like a leaf the second you pulled away from him. 

With most of his rage quelled from killing the first man, Joel allowed you to take the lead with the second. As he watched you toy with the man some more, draining him both physically and mentally, he felt like he was getting to see a whole new side of his mate. When Tommy had sat across from him in a rundown bar two months ago and said that Joel had found his match in the supposedly “feral” omega he had claimed, he hadn’t fully understood what his brother meant. To him, you were the sweetest and most forgiving person in the world. But as he saw the fear in the man’s eyes as you tore off his fingernails one by one and promised to wipe any trace of his existence off the face of the planet, he suddenly understood what Tommy meant. Despite the misleading appearance, you were someone who should be feared, just like him. 

When you finally decided that the man had had enough, you slit his throat. More blood sprayed from the gaping wound, further soiling your already blood stained clothes as you watched the wretched man fall to the floor and die. What a shame, Joel thought to himself. He really had liked that top on you, but oh well. This was more important anyways. The man’s body jerked one last time before it stilled for good, eyes blindly staring up at the rafters as his murderer stepped over his body to get to her lover. 

“Alright honey?,” Joel asked when you reached him, uncaring of how filthy either of you were as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you against him. 

“Best first date ever,” you sang, pushing some of the curls that had flopped onto his forehead out of the way. 

“Christ, you’re fucking sick,” he chuckled, with not a hint of judgement in his voice as he did. 

“And you love it,” you pointed out with a mischievous grin. 

Joel couldn’t deny it, he loved every bit of you, even the parts that might make others quiver with fear. Which was why he didn’t care about the bodies on the floor of the barn or the blood splattered across the both of you when he lifted you up, smashing his lips against yours as he led you over to the workbench on the other side of the room. Desperate hands yanked at his flannel, uncaring as they ripped the buttons clean off so that they scattered all over the floor. He chuckled at your eagerness, pulling back for a second to catch his breath and stare at the absolute seductress clinging to him. His cock ached to be inside of you, ruthlessly thrusting away as your nails raked angry red lines down his back, but he hesitated. 

“Baby, there’s nothing else I’d rather do right now than fuck you like there’s no tommorrow, but are you sure? We ain’t done nothing since before the twins were born and if you’re not ready we can wait. I don’t mind going home and cuddling up on the -”

A desperate whine tore out of you, making his eyes widen as you began to scrabble at his belt buckle like you were starved for cock. Joel didn’t blame you for being desperate, at that point he could write a three part book series on how much he missed the taste of your dripping cunt on his tongue. 

“I’ve been waiting for you to fuck me for the past two weeks Joel, if you don’t do something to me in the next five minutes then I swear I’m going to go home and use the showerhead. I won’t even let you watch,” you threatened, which made his brain short circuit for a solid ten seconds. 

Joel grabbed your hands when he was back online, shooting you a pointed look that made you bite back a grin. Just like always, he fell into your trap so easily, completely powerless to your charm. He had originally thought that since it was the first time having sex since giving birth, he would go slow, sensually easing you back into the world of pleasure so that you didn’t feel any pain. However, it seemed that he had forgotten who it was that he was mated to. 

Joel had forgotten just how insatiable the two of you were for each other until that moment. He chuckled darkly when he remembered how he had once fucked you in your childhood bedroom, barely even two weeks after the both of you had almost died. Injuries be damned, you had swindled him into slamming himself into your silken walls, using you like a toy until he locked himself inside. Now, once again, you wanted him to give you his all and he was more than happy to oblige. 

“Aw, has daddy been neglecting you baby? I bet that pretty pussy has missed me, hm? Bet she needs something to stretch her out again. Probably soaking through those little panties, begging me to fuck her so hard that she never forgets who she belongs to,” Joel teased. 

The moan you let out at that was like music to his ears and Joel dropped your hands so that he could work his way down your body. He sucked angry marks into your neck, leaving behind dark little love bites for any resident of Jackson to see when they walked past you. It was pointless, as everyone in town already knew that you were his. If Joel’s claim over you wasn’t enough, the two pups that looked like miniature versions of the both of you simply had to be. Nevertheless, it soothed him to know that when they saw the fresh marks along your delicate skin that they would think of him. They would know that you were his and you were being taken care of by him alone.  

Joel helped you out of your shirt first, groaning at the sight of your tits spilling out of the only bra that could sort of hold them. Since they had begun to swell with milk, he had started to physically restrain himself from launching himself at you. Everytime you whipped your top off to change or shower, Joel felt like he was going to die if he didn’t get his face between them. Which was why he often found himself uttering a quick excuse so that he could jerk off in a quiet corner of the house, stroking himself until he came into his fist embarrassingly quick with your name on his lips. But as he tore the bra clean off your chest, there was nothing holding him back from his fantasies anymore. 

“Jesus fucking Christ honey, these are gonna kill me,” he loudly groaned, pressing kisses all over the taut skin around your sensitive nipples. 

��F-Fuck,” you whimpered, grabbing fistfuls of his curls when he finally popped one of the leaking buds into his mouth, insatiable for you as he sucked at it hard. 

Joel wasn’t sure what he expected, having never done this before with anyone, but he couldn’t stop himself even if he tried. He had dreamed of it for too long, shamefully tugging his cock raw to the thought of it in lieu of ever bringing it up. There weren’t many things in Joel’s life that had made him feel true embarrassment, but the thought of asking his mate to let him suck on her leaking tits as he played with his cock was up there. Plus, with you still healing from birthing the twins, he didn’t want you to feel like you HAD to help him fulfill his twisted little fantasy. 

A spurt of milk dripped onto Joel’s tongue and you both groaned, the fingers in his hair tightening yet not pulling him off as he drank it down. It was sweeter than he had originally thought it would be, with a slightly nutty taste that deepened the flavor, and he knew in an instant that he would forever be ravenous for more. At first he started slowly, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he lost himself in the moment he had fantasized about for two months, but by the time he moved onto the other side he was greedy. He pulled the hardened nub between his teeth to suck at the sweetness, his cock throbbing already as you twitched and whined beneath him. 

“Joel, oh my god, fuuuck,” you moaned. 

He popped off your overly sensitive nipple, looking up at you with his pupils blown and a bit of breast milk leaking out the side of his mouth. Panting from his ministrations, you let out a needy sound at the sight of him and yanked him forward for a kiss. Joel groaned into it, letting you taste yourself as he delved deeper into your mouth. It was filthy, with the blood of your victims still splattered across your bodies as his tongue tangled with yours, but it only made him harder. You were his true love in every sense and he felt it so deeply in that moment that he almost cried. Which was why when the two of you finally broke apart for air, he couldn’t wait any longer. 

“I need to taste this pretty pussy honey, right fucking now or else I’m gonna lose it. You have no idea how much I’ve missed her,” Joel growled, kneeling before the workbench so that he could rip the clothes off your lower half and throw your legs over his shoulders. 

With your dripping cunt inches from his ravenous gaze, Joel licked his lips and looked up at you, waiting for any sign of hesitation on your part. Even though he was practically foaming at the mouth for a chance to bury his face between the softness of your thighs, he needed to know that it was okay, that he truly had the greenlight to have you as he had before. The shaky nod you gave him was all the permission Joel needed to begin and he grinned up at you wolfishly, licking a stripe up your seam with his broad tongue that made you whine his name. 

The fingers that delved into Joel’s hair urged him onwards and he parted your folds with his thick fingers, admiring the way your clit pulsed with need as slick steadily poured from your core. He gathered all of the spit in his mouth, dripping it from his mouth so that it made you jump when it landed on your clit. You didn’t need it, as you were already so wet that it was leaking onto the wood below your ass, but Joel wanted a part of himself added to the mix. Reaching forward, he rubbed his saliva into the hardened bud with slow circles, teasing you just enough to have you thrashing in his hold. 

“What baby? Thought you wanted me to touch ya,” Joel chuckled. 

You whimpered, “Please don’t be mean daddy, I’ve missed having you like this.”

The admission made Joel’s heart race, the poor organ thundering against the walls of his chest as his cheeks flushed red.  Although he loved seeing you thrive as a mom for the past two months and had no problem waiting for as long as you needed, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss it too. Having you in his grasp as you begged him for something that only he could give you was like every wet dream Joel had ever had come to life and he thanked his lucky stars that you humored him. 

“M’sorry sweet girl, you’re right. She needs me real bad, huh?,” he sighed, drawing circles over your hips as he did. 

“Since we got here daddy,” you pouted, breaking through his resolve with a set of doe eyes that played him like a fiddle, “Really liked watching you take charge, you looked so sexy and strong. Had to press my thighs together a few times when you weren’t looking, m’so achy for it.”

Joel cussed at that, cock jumping against his zipper as his mind reeled at your words. The thought of you getting off to him killing that man, just as he had got off to you killing the other, made him leak into his jeans. And you knew it would, Joel saw it in the way you bit your lip with the most innocent expression you could muster, practically begging him to fuck you until you were howling like a bitch in heat. 

“You’re such a dirty little slut for me, aren’t ya baby?,” Joel teased, laughing when a gush of slick further dampened the wood below you. 

The whimper you let out was turned into a high pitched keen when Joel leaned in and latched onto your core. It had been a long two months without your shaking thighs around his head as he drank you down like you were the finest brandy he had ever tasted, but he was finally home. He wasted no time, already so turned on that he had to reach down and release himself from his jeans before his dick had the permanent indent of a zipper on it for the rest of his life. 

“M-More, please, I need more,” you whined. 

The tugs on his graying curls grew increasingly persistent, until one sharp pull made him draw back from your core with a husky moan. The sharp sting traveled from his scalp, all the way down his spine, to his cock, which throbbed in response. Joel didn’t dare take himself in his hands, knowing that if he did it would be over in a few quick strokes. He was so pent up, so desperate for you, that he was surprised he hadn’t cum in his pants like a teenager when he was sucking on your nipples. Fearing that he might explode if he didn’t distract himself, he heeded your request. 

Joel watched your expressions closely as he slipped the first finger inside, testing the waters as he continued to circle your clit with his tongue just right. He waited a bit, stroking that sweet spot that only he could easily reach with the pad of his index finger until you begged him for more. When he was sure you were ready, another finger slipped in alongside the first, then another, until he had three fingers scissoring inside of you. He felt you open up for him, blooming beautifully under the digits that thrusted away inside your clenching walls as he sucked your clit between his lips, and it made his heart sing. Joel had been so worried that the first time back at it wouldn’t be fun for you, but as you shook and moaned beneath him, he was happy to have been mistaken. 

“J-Joel oh shit, yes, yes, yes. S’good, you’re so good, fuck,” you babbled, yanking him impossibly closer as you reached the precipice. 

He moaned at the sparks that skittered down his spine, bringing all of his nerve endings alive as you used him for your own pleasure. Just when Joel thought he might die if he didn’t taste your cum on his tongue, you let out a garbled cry and bucked against his face hard, making him slam your ass back down against the workbench so that he could work you through it. Your release bathed his face in the most delicious nectar he had ever tasted, the same one he had dreamed about for months, and he drank up every bit of it. Joel was insatiable, suckling at your folds like a man possessed until you were groaning from the overstimulation and weakly shoving him away from your spent core. 

“Oh my fucking god Joel, I’ve missed that,” you panted, giggling at him when he finally pulled his shiny face away from your folds. 

Joel playfully nipped at your hands when they reached down to clean some of the release from his face and his heart sang as he heard the full-blown belly laugh you gave him in return. He joined you, chuckling as he stood up and wrapped your twitching legs around his hips. The way you looked at him had him on cloud nine, so much so that he almost forgot about everything else. 

All Joel wanted in that moment was to hold you as tightly as he could, refusing to let go until you made him. However, when he leaned forward to fully embrace you, he felt his cock brush against your weeping slit and nearly blacked out. An embarrassingly loud groan that was half a whimper, half a garbled shout, rang out in the air and his fingers dug into your hips hard. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, dizzy and panting as he tried to get it together, but it must have been a while because you had to say his name more than a couple times to get his full attention. 

“Joel,” you repeated, finally bringing him back from the fog he was under. 

Joel didn’t even realize that he had snapped his eyelids shut, too focused on not cumming before he had the chance to feel your walls wrap around him to pay attention to anything else. With the softest gaze, you pulled his face closer to yours and brushed your lips over his. Although he longed for you to claim his mouth in a searing kiss, you resisted him, continuing to ghost your lips over his until his entire body broke out in goosebumps. Joel was in a daze when you finally pulled away, completely drunk off of you as you cupped his face with both hands. In that moment, he would have torn his heart out of his chest and presented it to you on a silver platter if you asked him to. Hell, he’d do it anyway if he thought it would make you smile. 

“Stay with me baby, it’s just you and me,” you chided softly. 

Joel nodded dutifully at your request. How could he not? He had never claimed to be a particularly smart man, but when the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life was naked and asking something of him, he knew enough to not argue. Instead, Joel gripped his length and pressed it to your entrance, pausing to look at you for confirmation one last time before he pressed inside. 

“Still good honey?,” he checked in, ready to back down the second it became too much for you. 

“Please Joel, I need to feel you again. It's been way too long,” you begged, gazing up at him so lovingly that he felt his stomach do an excited little flip in response. 

“Okay baby, I gotchu. Just tell me if something hurts or you wanna slow down, okay? Please honey, I want to make you feel good. Promise me you’ll say something if m’not,” Joel implored. 

“I promise,” you whispered, closing the space between the two of you with a kiss that muffled his whiny moans as he pushed himself inside. 

Joel was slow at first, focusing on the way your lips felt against his to keep himself from slamming into you like he wanted to. He told himself that it was you he was worried about as he worked himself inside as gently as he could, but in reality it was him that was the issue. When Joel finally slid home, he let out a high pitched whimper that reddened the tops of his ears, his hips twitching as the half formed knot at the base of his cock begged him to fuck you into the workbench until you screamed. 

“Joel, you can move,” you mumbled, threading your fingers through his hair to scratch at his scalp. 

He shivered, letting out another desperate noise as he melted into you. Joel was at a loss for words, so drunk off your intoxicating scent that he felt like he wasn’t even in his body. Just seconds ago, he was the one calling the shots, and now all he could do was nose at the side of your neck as he let out the most pathetic whines. 

“M’sorry sweet girl, my girl, f-fuck,” Joel groaned, unable to keep himself from languidly thrusting in and out of you as he did, “I’m not going to last long, you feel too good, too soft, shii-it. This pussy is too fucking perfect, she’s fucking choking my cock baby fuuuck.” 

Joel’s hips stuttered as you clenched around him, making him pick up the pace a bit despite his attempts to keep himself under control. Nevertheless, it seemed that you were determined to break him and he hissed as he felt you clamp your teeth down on the gland on his neck. A rush of endorphins flowed through him as you broke the skin, your tongue sealing what must’ve been the hundredth claim you’ve made over him. It made all the muscles in his back tighten up but he tried hard not to completely lose it, ignoring the way that his cock was steadily leaking fat globs of precum into your stuffed cunt. 

“Don’t want you to hold back daddy, fuck me like you want to, like I’m your little slut. Want to see you cum for me, need it so bad. Don’t ya want to give it to me?” you asked softly. 

Joel’s eyes rolled into the back of his head at your filthy words. Although he was under strict orders from the doctor not to cum inside of you unless he wanted another mouth to feed before the other two were out of diapers, he suddenly wanted to throw caution to the wind and knot you anyways. He wouldn’t do that, but your words still made him draw his hips all the way back, until just the tip of his cock remained before he slammed himself back inside with one brutal thrust. Stilling for half a second for any pained cries from you, he was relieved to feel your fingers dig into his shoulders as your pussy eagerly welcomed him back in with a lewd squelch that echoed throughout the barn. 

“Shit darling, listen to how wet she is for me,” Joel drawled, starting an unforgivingly fast and hard pace that had you crying out for him in seconds. 

“J-J-J-,” you stuttered, already too fucked out to answer him as his hips pistoned into the cradle of yours with all his might. 

With a clenched jaw, Joel lifted one of your legs so that it hung over his shoulder, opening you up so that he could reach even deeper than before. He watched with a smug grin as you collapsed against the bench, head lolling against the wood as you babbled nonsense. The way your tits jiggled with each thrust as he rammed himself inside had him a daze. So much so that Joel barely registered your cries when he brought your other leg up to drape over his opposite shoulder, effectively bending you in half as he leaned forward to smash his lips into yours. 

The kiss was nothing more than an assertion of dominance, with him using his skilled tongue to make your mind spin as he fucked into you with all his might. Joel needed you to remember this, to remember how good he was at taking care of you like this so that you would never think to look at another. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew that there were other people in Jackson who had noticed how sexy you looked after bouncing back from having the twins. He saw the way they stared at your cleavage as you walked by, regardless of the way his bite marks stained your neck. Joel knew you had options and he trusted you completely, he just needed to remind you why you had picked him over the pricks in town that tried with all their might to peep down your shirt when they thought he wasn’t looking. 

“Mmmpfh, daddy please,” you squealed when he pulled away from the kiss to gulp down lungfuls of air, bringing him back from the spell you had him under just moments before. 

“What babygirl? What d’ya need?,” Joel huffed, continuing to pummel your pussy into submission as he did. 

You whimpered, too lost in pleasure to voice your request. Luckily, Joel knew you better than he knew himself most days, which meant that he knew exactly what you needed. He shoved his thumb into your mouth, making you gag on it as he kissed your neck and whispered sweet nothings in your ear. When your pussy started clenching around him, getting tighter and tighter by the second, he quickly withdrew the digit from your mouth and drifted it downwards so that he could rub tight circles against your wildly throbbing clit. 

“JOEL!,” you screeched. 

Joel laughed at that, surprised at how responsive you were to his touch, and decided to up the ante a bit by leaning forward to capture one of your swollen nipples into his mouth again. With his cock slamming into you so hard that it knocked a few tears from your eyes, his thumb working your nub as his mouth alternated between both of your sensitive tits, you were a disaster. All it took was one sharp bite to your left nipple and you were gone, your release spraying out of you and soaking his thighs as you came. And Joel could do nothing but fuck you through it, using every last bit of restraint he had not to knot you like he wanted to. 

He kept going until your pussy finally released him from its tight hold, finally allowing him to pull out so that he could rub himself to the sight of you. As Joel tugged on his dick, grunting as he watched the way your pussy gaped from his absence, he had to continuously remind himself not to follow his instincts. Now wasn’t the time to knot you, as it would undoubtedly lead to yet another child that neither of you were ready for. Nevertheless, it took everything in him not to slam himself inside and spray your walls with white as he had countless times before. 

However, it seemed you understood his conundrum, as you quickly reached up to yank his face back into your chest. Joel whined, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he latched on to your swollen nipples again. He felt his cock throb painfully as he continued to fuck his fist, slurping up every dribble of sweet milk that touched his tongue as he did. But it was when you started whispering in his ear, playing with the curls on the back of his neck as your honeyed words brought him to the edge, that he knew it was over for him. 

“C’mon daddy, don’t you want to paint my tits with your cum? I want you to get them all filthy, just like you did with my pussy. Please Joel, for me?,” you cooed. 

That sent Joel flying off the edge and he pulled back so that he could spray thick ropes of white all over you. He came so hard that he had to lock his knees so that he wouldn’t fall backwards, spurting cum over your swollen breasts, your cute tummy, the patch of curls that adorned your pretty pussy, and even the bottom of your chin. When he was finally drained of it, he slumped into you with a sigh, burying his nose into your gland so he could gorge himself on your scent as he came down. Joel didn’t care about the way his cum was sandwiched between the two of you, likely sticking to his abdomen as well, all he cared about was getting as close to you as he possibly could. 

“Joel, baby,” you called to him after some time, lifting some of the fog that had settled over his sated mind. 

“Joel’s not home, call back later,” he groaned, hugging you even tighter in defiance. 

The laugh you let out made him smile and he pulled his face back a few inches so he could watch it unfold. The brightness in your eyes when you looked at him was something Joel could never get used to, his breath stuttering in his chest every time he saw it. It made him want to do something crazy like brand himself with your initials or find the ring he had been thinking about getting for the past two months. Perhaps one was less crazy than the other, but Joel didn’t care. He would do both in a heartbeat. At that point, all it really came down to was whether he found the branding iron or the ring first. 

“Baby, as much as I’d love to stay here and cuddle, my mom has probably already left Tommy’s place. We’ve gotta clean up and head back before they realize we’re gone,” you reminded him. 

Joel made an indignant noise at the reality check but nodded, pulling away with annoyed grunt to emphasize his distaste. As he looked down at himself and then you, he gasped when he realized how much of a mess you both were. Dirt, blood, slick, and cum covered every inch of your bodies, ensuring that any Jackson resident that ran into the two of you on the way back would have nightmares about it for the rest of their lives. Nearly every piece of clothing the both of you had was tattered and bloodied, leaving Joel standing there dumbfounded as he tried to think of what to do. 

“Baby, don’t worry about it, mama came prepared. I packed a spare set of clothes for the both of us. It’s over there in the diaper bag,” you said, pointing towards the bag that usually held all the supplies needed for the pups, “Can you grab it for me?” 

He balked, “You packed spare clothes for this? In our children’s diaper bag?”

“What other big-ass bag could a mom get away with carrying around at all hours of the night? Plus, I had a feeling we’d need it.,” you shrugged, “There’s wipes in there too. Now, can you grab the bag or do you want me walking over there with these wobbly ass legs?” 

Joel shook his head in disbelief, turning so that he could snatch the bag from the corner of the room. Although he wanted to argue that carrying the diaper bag for this type of mission was ridiculous, he had to hand it to you; he hadn’t once noticed that you had brought it along. Since Alba and Ellis had been born, the light green bag was always slung over either your shoulder or his. So much so that it had begun to blend into the background of day to day life. And as he used the wipes you had brought to clean the filth from his skin, he was appreciative of your ongoing ability to surprise him. 

After Joel was changed into the fresh pair of jeans you had packed, along with the thicker flannel you had been thoughtful enough to stuff alongside his t-shirt to save him from the cold, he turned towards the mess. Blood was stuck to the sides of the walls, staining the wood as it dripped down onto the dirt floor below. The bodies were another issue, as he wasn’t sure how he could possibly make their deaths look natural. Not only that, but burying them would leave a patch of disturbed ground that would give them away way too easily. Joel briefly wondered about dragging them into the abandoned town and making it seem like the infected had gotten to them, but decided he didn’t want to risk the two of you running into a horde. 

“What are we gonna do?,” you asked him as you finished dressing, quickly coming to the same conclusion as him. 

Joel sighed, “Suppose we probably should have thought that before we killed ‘em.” 

When you didn’t answer, he groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he tried to conjure up a solution that didn’t give you both away. Joel wasn’t sure what would happen if evidence of their brutal deaths was stumbled upon by the patrols, but he was sure that he didn’t want to find out. Maria had already placed him on thin ice, and he knew that if he was ever ousted that there would be no way he would be able to convince you to stay in Jackson without him, regardless of how many times he tried to argue that it was the safest option for the twins. 

The thought of the two of you lugging Ellis and Alba back through Wyoming, all the way to the only other home that you had shared together in Montana, made him lightheaded. It was fall, soon to be winter, and if anything held the trip up, he wasn’t sure that the twins would be able to survive the harsh cold that came with being on the open road. Not only that, but Joel couldn’t remember what kind of supplies he had left at the cabin, and he wasn’t sure what he would do if the seasons had messed with the solar panels he had once relied upon. Plus, if Paul’s men had found you both there, who's to say that something like that couldn’t happen again? Although all of your shared enemies were vanquished, there were still a lot of people in the world that wanted Joel dead. People that might be thrilled to find out he had a mate and two pups he loved very much, people that might use that against him in the cruelest ways imaginable. 

“What if they smoked?,” you piped up, pulling him from the downward spiral he was headed towards.

“What?,” Joel sighed, the exasperation in his tone evident as he turned towards you. 

“I said, what if they smoked?,” you repeated. 

Joel watched as you walked to the other side of the room to grab something from one of the shelves, flashing him a pack of camels with a toothy grin. At first he wasn’t sure what you meant, but then it dawned upon him. There were bales of hay stacked in one corner of the space and the wood that held up the structure was so dry that the whole thing would probably collapse the moment flames reached the sides of it. Plus, a fire meant that any evidence would be turned to ash by the time anyone got to it, all that would be left would be bones. 

You tossed him the ancient pack of cigarettes, along with a box of matches that had a cartoon farmer smoking a pipe on the front, and Joel grinned at you from across the room. 

“Honey, you’re a fucking genius.” 

[becca-e-barnes]

'Jesus Christ, behave.'

That's an instruction you were always going to ignore but it's even easier to ignore over text.

You follow up with another picture of yourself, your ass this time, barely hidden behind thin lilac lace.

'No. We can do anything you want, whenever you want to this week. Nothing is off limits.' It's thrilling texting him like this, knowing he's just across the room. His poker face is a hell of a lot better than yours but you're not sure it'll last the full week that he's staying with you. 'Just don't get caught.'

No one in this room full of people would ever suspect he's texting you, or that you're sending him some photos you'd taken just before the guests arrived.

'Really? I thought you'd enjoy putting on a show.' He texts back quickly, not looking up from his phone after the message is delivered.

You hadn't really thought about it until now and perhaps it isn't the very worst suggestion you've ever heard.

'Is that what you want? You want other people to watch me cum for you?'

'Fuck no.' You expected that answer but it still makes you laugh to yourself. 'Come upstairs in 5.'

You do as you're told, practically counting down the seconds until it's time for you to follow him up to the bathroom.

"Do you mean it? Anything I want?" Hearing him repeat your own filthy thoughts back to you makes it all feel very real.

The sound of his voice and the way he's looking at you has you uncomfortably aroused but there's nothing new there.

"Anything." You confirm, taking a deep breath when you feel his hand snake its way up your inner thigh, under your skirt. You know what he'll find at the apex of your thighs. You're warm and slick and needy already and you notice how he raises an eyebrow at you when his fingertips slip past the soaked lilac lace of your panties.

"You mean..." He taps your clit with his index finger and it almost feels like he's sending a shock around your entire body. "I can slide two fingers into you whenever I want?"

You look back up at him and nod, desperate for him to do just that.

"How about three?" He sounds so calm and you can't help but shudder. Three of his long fingers stuffed inside you sounds fucking magical.

"Yes." You pant, grinding yourself against his hand, hoping he'll be tempted to slip those fingers inside you.

"Or I could bend you over this sink? I'll make you watch your own pretty face in the mirror while I flood your tight little cunt with my cum. I know you'll take it like a good girl too. You promised me you would." His head is running away with him and that's exactly what you want. He comes up with the most wonderful suggestions sometimes.

"I'll be so proud of you, you know that?" One of his thick fingers slips into you, then another, curling against the front wall of your cunt and you can hear just how wet you are.

"Mhm, please." You groan, your forehead falling forward onto his chest. You need this more than you want tell him but his movements are measured so they only tease you.

"Soon, sweetheart. Later. Be a good girl and go back downstairs."

[50cal-fullauto-astarion]

My thing with writing König is trying to find the sweet spot balance point of like 3-4 different angles that are integral to the characterization I want to put out there.

I want him absolutely riddled with the kind of dangerous loser vibes that start the first day of kindergarten as almost an leprotic aura of Contaminated: Do Not Touch that everyone he comes into contact with wordlessly picks up on and carries for his entire life.

Just borderline violent othering that he struggles to fight, embrace, and figure out without ever getting a clear answer or mitigation method. He gets older and becomes a problem, a human toxic waste dump, and the avoidance is tinged with alarm. He figured out how to cover it, though, like he’s pulling on a patchwork person suit.

I’m a real boy, I’m like everyone else, nevermind the seams. Yeah, they’ll split the longer you’re around, but maybe this time—this time—I will have become an endeared thing and I will be understood instead of left.

Skin-splitting horniness, which is ha-ha on the surface, but Jesus Christ, it’s starvation, straight-up. Man is a fucking alien, he doesn’t get people, his veneer of normality is quick to shatter, and he just wants-wants-wants to be wanted. To be needed is a pipe dream. He’s like a dog taken away from mom and litter mates too soon—the need for closeness is set at so high a threshold it’ll never be met, never be fixed.

Fucking is a quick fix for this desperation. Bandaid over a bullet hole, finger in a cracked dam. Gets sharper teeth and longer claws the lower the fuel gauge is, and he’s been running on fumes for years. He’ll eat any scraps given to him at any table. Any even mildly kind word, any mote of attention, approval, or acceptance.

Even in his worst mind, he knows he’s not owed, he is not dying because he is not getting fucked or loved or befriended, but god fucking dammit, what he wouldn’t give for company to cut the bleakness, to not be fucking flinched at or eye-rolled. He wants to eat someone piecemeal as they eat him piecemeal, and the brutal symbolism of cannibalism is the best way he can understand the depth of this fragile-skinned desire.

A level of jaundiced, yellow-eyed sweatiness that pervades every aspect of his life. This is more difficult to describe. It’s literal sweat—from flop or exertion, it doesn’t matter—it’s also a state of being. It’s having not a flicker of volume control—indoor yelling or outdoor muttering. It’s being exhausted and anxious to the point of hysterical cry-laughing at hallucinations after 3-4 days sleepless. It’s saying the wrong fucking thing at the wrong fucking time and chasing yet another person off and wanting to kill himself for it.

It’s surviving on 4 hours of sleep and cigarettes and any kind of caffeine and below-board military amphetamines he can get his hands on for the last ten years because he feels like he’s wasting time. It’s getting smacked because his monstrosity of a body fucking hurts and being borderline greened-out makes it easier to go grocery shopping or to the gym or outside. It’s showering and then cutting his hair over the sink and not giving a fuck what it looks like as long as it’s not getting caught in his collars.

He doesn’t blink, he doesn’t sleep, he’s constantly spilling hyena-pitched stupid nervous laughter, and he bites when he’s overdone, and his teeth aren’t dull. He’s never threatened violence that he can’t overpay out on. He pulls on his face and his scars and that might as well be the same thing, gets sick to his stomach that they’re still numb and he can’t push into the pain he remembers from them. Sometimes he just moans and groans, shoves a hand up under his mask to cover his mouth like he’s going to hold back the tide of bile. He does this shit in front of people, and wants to die when he figures it out.

He likes killing people, he likes feeling powerful, he likes being seen when he’s the executioner, he likes being a scary nightmare. He doesn’t even know if he’d rather fight than fuck, but at least he’s good at it, and there’s undeniable imagery in driving a knife in between ribs over and over and over. He’s never not throbbing hard at exfil, and he’s never not sick to death with himself and his fantasies after he beats off the second he gets privacy.

Anyway I love him, he’s a sad sack.

[iisasarcasticlittleshite]

Moving in with Katsuki Bakugo

'Katsuki, where'd you leave my books?'

'Still in the car, maybe?' Your boyfriend of over a year supplied, popping his head out of the bathroom where he's busy re-organising everything to fit the both of you. 'Figured I'd wait for ya to finish gettin' your ass kicked by IKEA before I brought more crap in here.'

'It's not crap, it's literature you uncultured swine!' You jested, sticking your tongue out at him with a giggle. 'Besides, it didn't take me that long to build the thing!'

'Uh huh, sure.' He narrowed his eyes at the wood shelf now stood in his living room, empty beside his own hefty collection of books. He likes to read just as much as you do, there was no way he'd find room for your book collection without the extra storage space. 'Watch it fold like a house o' card as soon as you put a book on it.'

'Are you doubting me, babe?' You bunched up the packaging plastic in your hands for recycling, tucking it in the corner by the door. 'You're too cruel, Kats.'

'Whatever, just go get yer damn books, and take the trash out while you're at it!'

'Yessir Dynamight sir!'

Katsuki rolled his eyes, but welcomed the kiss you pressed to his lips before you left the now shared apartment.

As soon as you were gone, he paused, taking a look at the place. His apartment had always felt...big when he was alone in it, but whenever the squad came over, it felt tiny.

Now, with your rainbow throw pillow on his black leather sofa and that gimmicky flamingo LED lamp your friend bought you on the side table, it felt like just the right size.

He knew he wanted you to move in barely a month after you reconnected. It became a habit for you to meet him at his agency after work every day. You'd grab dinner, or cook at his place as yours was pretty out of the way.

He's still pissed that you were the one to admit your crush on him, granted you'd taken at least three shots of tequila to grow the courage, but still, he doubted any amount of drink would have given him the balls to do what you did.

Ever since then, Katsuki's been determined to be the best damned boyfriend you could ever want, and judging by the fact that you're now moving in with him, he's not been doing a bad job of it.

There are traces of you scattered all over the apartment now, picture frames of your time at UA, many of them decorated by your own hand. Looking at them reminds him of just how many memories the two of you share, how natural it is for you to be part of his life.

'Jesus Christ books are heavy!' You huffed, stumbling through the door with a box so big you couldn't see over it in your arms. 'Thank fuck for my bloody quirk.'

'Here, don't break the damn floorboards, dumbass.' He chuckled, taking the other side of the box and helping you set it down on the floor beside the shelf. 'I think we're gonna need a bigger shelf.'

'Aight, save the shark references for when Kiri's over.' You giggled, eagerly flipping the box open to inhale the smell of books. 'Oooh, we should so organize our books to be all aesthetic!'

'Who the hell's got time for that?!'

'Not us, I guess!' You giggled, pulling out your books to start stacking them away. 'I'll just organize them the way I always do.'

'Why the hell do you put the hardcovers on the top shelf? If they fall on your dumbass you'll get a concussion!'

'But if the paperbacks fall from that high they might get damaged!'

Katsuki rolled his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'Priorities, babe, priorities.'

You giggled, standing on your tip-toes to put a book on the top shelf and steal a kiss to his cheek. 'Love it when you call me babe.'

Katsuki flushed pink, averting his eyes from that adorable smile you flashed him, the same smile that could make his heart race. 'Whatever, dork.'

The two of you moved together through the apartment, he let you put on music and work to the sound of the playlist you'd made together.

By the time the sun went down, you're curled up on the sofa together, dishes drip-drying on the rack after Bakugo made a favourite of yours for dinner.

He's scrolling through Youtube on the TV with your head resting on his shoulder, fingers peacefully drumming against your waist while you drifted off.

It doesn't feel new, or exciting, it feels comforting, familiar, your weight nestled into his side like you belonged there. As far as Katsuki's concerned, that's exactly where he wants you to be.