#TWO POSTS WITH LESS THAN TEN NOTES MADE IT IN THE TOP TEN OMG

[lindwurmkai]

our top 10 posts of 2019

1). 70 notes - 10 May 2019

To paraphrase something we recently learned from the great @ireneista on Twitter, Community building is inherently radical....

2). 23 notes - 26 September 2019

hey so i mean this in the kindest possible way and it’s not intended as vagueing (hard to say whomst i’d be vagueing about/at...

3). 20 notes - 12 July 2019

i guess the thing that really gets me about this good omens adaption is that like. they quite clearly love each other. there are...

4). 18 notes - 24 June 2019

are you a man woman unit

5). 14 notes - 31 August 2019

biffy clyro lyrics are like mental illness mood mental illness mood mention of fucking someone/something you definitely should...

6). 12 notes - 15 June 2019

in other news u ever just suddenly realise u have been mispronouncing “Crowley” for 15 years and regret ur entire life

7). 11 notes - 28 September 2019

we really need to stop assuming celebrities are straight and cis until proven otherwise. even people whose relationships are...

8). 11 notes - 27 April 2019

there is this problem in ds9 fandom (i say, 25 years late to the party). people love to say things like “i appreciate it when...

9). 9 notes - 27 October 2019

ok but why’d deep space nine have to go and ruin german cream cheese desserts forever tho was that really necessary

10). 9 notes - 14 October 2019

purity culture? virtue signaling? or could it be...

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[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

Irresistible Danger - Part 60

Synopsis:  After being caught outside the compound on your own, Negan decides to punish you in the best way possible ;)

Words: 3,229

Warnings: nsfw, smut, swearing

ID Masterlist can be found HERE

Masterlist of all my fics can be found HERE

Author’s Note: We’re back! Omg y’all...I finally have a path to the ending for this fic! After this chapter, I’m planning for there to be 5 more chapters until the end, which will give ID a total of 65 chapters. I’m still working on writing and editing these last chapters, but I’m pretty confident in that timeline :D I also plan to post each Friday again, so there should be chapters now through September 10th, if all goes according to plan. 

PDA

You woke with a smile the next morning, partially because of the happiness filling your chest like a balloon. The other part was because the warm body behind you, accompanied by a rasp of beard on your shoulder and soft lips on your neck, signalled that you weren’t alone. 

The florid orange rays coming in the large windows told you that it was still early, the sun barely risen above the horizon. Turning over onto your other side to face Negan, you took in his tousled hair and heavy-lidded gaze. 

“Mornin’ doll,” he said, voice raspy with sleep. 

“Morning,” you whispered back, pressing a kiss to his irresistible mouth. “No crack-of-dawn meetings today?”

His lips quirked against yours. “Nope, thank fuck,” he murmured, before rolling atop you and spending a good portion of the morning taking you apart with pleasure, then putting you back together piece by piece with cuddles and toe-curling kisses. 

When he later glanced over at the clock and saw that it was almost 10am, he gave a groan and flopped onto his back with a forearm covering his eyes. “Much as I’d love to stay here all day, I gotta go with a couple Saviors to check out one of the nearby outposts. They reported some concerns about their fucking security measures, and also requested a few more men be stationed out there to help divvy up their shifts, so I wanna go see if there’s any fucking issues for myself.”

While you felt a tiny thrill that he was so willing to tell you this information, to let you know about his duties as leader, you also had a moment of worry about him possibly assigning more men out to work the outpost. “Is that the one you brought Simon in from a couple weeks ago?” 

Knowing exactly where your thoughts were headed, he said, “Don’t get your fucking panties in a bunch, doll. If the outpost needs more hands, I was planning to send a couple of my newer Saviors.”

Pleased at this response, you smiled and leaned in close so your mouth was hovering mere millimeters from his, before whispering, “I’m not wearing any panties to get in a bunch.” 

Before he could react, you rolled out of the bed and strode to the bathroom, putting a little extra swing to your hips. The growl and unmistakable rustling sound of sheets being thrown off was your only warning before Negan scooped you up into his arms and marched into the bathroom. 

An hour later and you were both sufficiently clean (after first getting extra dirty against the shower wall), and you saw Negan off from his rooms with a kiss and warning to be careful. He gave an arrogant smirk at that, which got him an eye roll and playful shake of your head as a response. 

You watched as he strode down the hall towards the staircase, shoulders encased in leather and his whistle echoing off the walls. While they’d never dare ask him about it, you couldn’t help but give a little smile at the thought of his men wondering why the hell their usually punctual leader was almost ten minutes late to leave for the outpost...and why he seemed so happy about it.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Unable to contain your excitement over the events of the night before, you headed over to Ben’s room not long after Negan left. Thankfully he was there, having just returned from finishing up serving breakfast. His roommate was out this time, so you were able to huddle across from one another on his bottom bunk and catch him up on your conversation with Negan.

Ben listened intently, mouth slowly falling further and further open as you went on. When you got to the part about Negan admitting he wanted only you, and called you his partner, Ben let out a whoop of joy and threw his arms around you in a hug. 

“I knew it!” he exclaimed. “That big lug is head over heels for you.” 

The two of you chatted happily for a bit, before you left and wandered back down to your own room. It had felt like forever since you had a chunk of time to just relax in your bed without over analyzing or stressing over something Negan-related. Gone was the weight of that padlocked box of questions, which made both your brain and subconscious very happy. The three of you snuggled up on the bed and spent the next couple of hours finishing your re-read of Harry Potter before it was time to head down to the kitchen for dinner prep. 

Today’s menu consisted of lasagna using leftover deer meat thawed from the freezer, with the signature side of rolls. Trixie had unofficially promoted herself as being in charge of roll duty, making sure the dough was the right consistency and the ovens at the perfect baking temperature. She wasn’t rude about it, but the little bit of authority she showed when instructing another staff member how to properly knead the dough seemed to fulfill her need to be seen as a knowledgeable and important part of the staff. And in all honesty, none of her feedback to the others was incorrect, so rather than reprimand her or say she was out of line, you had caught her eye at one point and given an almost imperceptible nod of approval. This caused her smile to beam so bright that it was a wonder you didn’t need sunglasses. 

As it turned out, you weren’t the only one who had noticed Trixie’s presence and been keeping a stealthy eye on her. Andrew, a member of the food prep crew, had been not-so-subtly following Trixie with his gaze lately, and today was no exception. He was an attractive man in his early 20s with shoulder-length black hair and kind brown eyes, a much more appropriate candidate for Trixie than her previous choice.

It seemed safe to say that Trixie was aware of the attention as well, as she found every reason possible to flounce past where Andrew was busy loading trays of lasagna into an oven. At one point, she even stopped to chat briefly with him, and out of the corner of your eye you saw her toss back her head and laugh at something he said. If it seemed a bit overly dramatic to you, well, Andrew didn’t seem to mind. In fact, her reaction caused him to fumble with the tray of pasta he was holding, almost spilling the entire thing onto the ground. He thankfully saved it at the last second, otherwise you would’ve had to interrupt and lecture the two of them about focusing on their work and not chit-chatting. And you didn’t want to do that, not when Trixie finally seemed interested in a guy more her age who was actually available and seemed to genuinely like her. 

Despite your initial tension with Trixie, you now realized that she had just been struggling to find where she fit in, to feel like an important part of the community. She’d initially been scooped up and led astray by Amber, but thankfully she had found her way back on the correct path and was making progress at getting along with the others, rather than isolating herself and using condescension as an emotional wall. Someone like Andrew, who was kind-hearted and considerate, not to mention absolutely captivated by her, was exactly what she needed. 

Focusing your attention away from young romance and back to meal prep, you spent the next forty-five minutes making sure everything was baked to perfection before sending out the first trays of lasagna and rolls. However, your mind kept randomly returning to Negan, almost unable to contain a secret smile each time you remembered where the two of you now stood. The usual worry and second-guessing had been replaced by the stability of knowing how he felt, and each time you remembered his words from last night a flutter of butterflies went off in your stomach. 

Negan had told you this morning that the outpost he and a small team of men were going to was less than an hour’s drive from the Sanctuary, so he planned to be back around dinnertime. Sure enough, about 20 minutes into when the first round of food was being served, you saw a small group of Saviors enter the cafeteria and settle down at a table. You guessed that they were the ones who had been out on the mini mission, and breathed a sigh of relief at seeing them back safely and with jovial expressions on their faces. You could always tell when things went wrong on a run, due to the overall aura of the men who returned, but this time they were smiling and talking animatedly with one another. Hopefully this also meant that Negan was in a happy, and perhaps affectionate, mood when you went to visit him later...

It was as if your thoughts had conjured the man himself. You were out in the cafeteria with a large water pitcher, making rounds to refill empty glasses for people, when a hush in conversation made you still and look up.

And there he was, standing at the entrance to the cafeteria with his signature leather jacket unzipped just enough so that the edge of a white tee peeked out over the top. He scanned over the tables like a king surveying his domain, looking both intimidating and absolutely delicious with the arrogant way he held himself, as if he had no cares in the world but was also ready to take on anything.

When his eyes landed on you, those sinful lips quirked upwards at the edges, and you swore that even from the distance of half a cafeteria you could see his golden gaze light up at the sight of you. He moved, striding with determination and purpose to close the space between your bodies. The breath caught in your chest at his beauty, at the raw masculinity and almost animal magnetism that surrounded him. 

He stopped mere inches away, and you gazed up at him in both welcome and a bit of confusion. Trying to act calm and unaffected, and not show how much you wanted to grin and launch yourself at him, you said, “Welcome back.” 

Your eyebrow cocked in question when he shook his head with a low chuckle. “Oh no, doll, that won’t do at all.” And with that, he wrapped an arm around your waist and lowered his head...

And kissed you in front of the entire Sanctuary. 

A wave of shock jolted through you, at the same time as your body automatically responded, molding itself to his. Your brain was flatlined on the floor from the unexpected move, while your subconscious ran around it in circles screaming with excitement. 

You could practically feel all the astonished stares from community members, as they watched their all-powerful leader break one of his cardinal rules and kiss you to within an inch of your life. And dear god, what a kiss it was! His lips were firm yet gentle, his tongue just barely tracing your bottom lip, as if he couldn’t help but steal a little taste. He wasn’t holding back, and the primal part of you recognized that he was publicly staking his claim for all to see. There could be no question after this moment that you were his, and that he wanted everyone to know it. 

When he finally pulled back, you could only look up at him with what must’ve been an utterly dazed expression, if his pleased smirk was anything to go by. Glancing to his left and then right, his brow furrowed and expression turned serious as he bellowed, “What the fuck are you all looking at?”

His words had the desired effect, as eyes dropped back to their plates and the community stuttered back to action, obviously trying and failing to act like something monumental didn’t just happen. You’d have given a lot of points to know what they were all thinking, but you didn’t see any angry expressionsand no one had said anything or acted out of line, so hopefully that was a good sign. 

Negan’s warm hand rubbed comfortingly up your bare arm, and it was then that you noticed he didn’t have his gloves on. That also sparked the realization that he wasn’t carrying Lucille, which was strange since he always had her on his person when making an appearance in front of the community. 

Now that you’re thinking about it, did he even have her this morning, when he left?

You thought back to when you had kissed him goodbye and watched as he walked down the hallway. Surely he’d have taken her with him to the outpost...but you honestly couldn’t remember seeing her up over his shoulder. You had to just be forgetting, because there was no way he’d leave her behind. 

That train of thought was brought to a halt when the hand on your arm trailed down along your waist and settled possessively on your hip. “I wanted to put in a request for one of your staff members to bring two servings of dinner to my room, for Simon and yours truly.” 

Before you could ask if he needed time alone once you were done with dinner, he provided the answer. “We need to go over the fucking outpost inspection results, but I’ll come and find you once it’s done.” It was the second time he’d done that today, answering a question before you had the chance to voice it out loud, which was a sign of how well he was coming to predict your thought process. 

You were still a bit in shock at all of this, especially how he was discussing his evening plan with you so publicly and audibly, as if to show that you were more than just his in a physical sense. He was broadcasting to the community that you were what he had already told you last night: his partner. His voice had been low enough that only the nearby tables would’ve heard, but you knew every moment of this interaction would be spread across the entire community within minutes after he left. 

Giving a smile and trying to look like ‘yep, this is completely normal, no big deal, I am totally not internally screaming with joy and wanting to climb his fine ass like a tree’, you replied, “Of course. I’ll have it sent up immediately.”

“Thanks, doll,” he said with a final smirk. Then his face morphed back into the intense, badass expression of the Sanctuary’s leader, and he strode out of the cafeteria. 

You were left standing there, still a bit shell-shocked by what had just occurred, but also giddy as hell over it. That emotional high was only slightly dimmed by the awareness that now, with Negan gone, you were the sole center of everyone’s attention. A quick scan of the cafeteria showed that most community members were trying not to openly stare. However, the lack of chewing and frequent side glances thrown your way as your legs finally unfroze and started back towards the kitchen were proof that they had all seen Negan’s display of affection. 

While the rest of the community might’ve at least been making a feeble attempt not to obviously stare, the same couldn’t be said of the kitchen staff. At least a couple of them must’ve witnessed what happened when serving trays of food, and those members must’ve scurried back to the kitchen to report it to the others. Every single one of them was staring in wide-eyed silence with a mixture of shock and fascinated curiosity when you walked back through the swinging doors. 

Even though your face felt heated and you were a bit off-kilter, you still managed to sound slightly firm when announcing, “Alright folks, back to work. And no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

You breathed a sigh of relief when they didn’t argue, but a couple of them did give knowing grins, Trixie included, though at least they all seemed good-natured about it. Trying to act as though your world hadn’t just been spun off its axis with that public kiss, you went over to Ben, who was the only one that had stayed fairly composed the entire time. In fact, his eyes danced with mirth and he was obviously trying to hold back a smirk, so you felt only minimally evil when telling him of Negan’s request that two servings of dinner be taken up to his rooms for him and Simon. Ben gave a playful glare when you told him to take up the food himself, saying it loud enough that some others heard, making him unable to say no without looking a bit suspect. 

When the tray was ready to go a few minutes later, you quietly murmured to Ben as he passed by on his way out of the kitchen, “Say hi to Simon for me.” The words caused a hint of pink to flare in his cheeks as he gave a halfhearted glare. You almost felt guilty for teasing him, but knew Ben would more than forgive you when Negan came through on his promise to get Simon his own room.  

Though the kitchen staff still threw glances your way here and there, they quickly fell back into their usual routine and no one made any direct comments. You were safe from scrutiny...at least for now. At least no one seemed to have any extreme concerns about what had happened, making you wonder how many of them had suspected what was going on between you and Negan before now.

Once dinner and cleanup were over, you headed back up to your room. Negan had said he would come find you when he was ready, so you planned to just lay back and relax until then. 

Oh, who were you kidding. After that kiss, you were totally going to sit on your bed and think about all the dirty things you wanted to do to him the moment the two of you were alone. 

Trying to convince yourself that you could be at least semi-productive and pretend to have a hobby other than fantasizing about the leader of the Sanctuary, you pulled the copy of Harry Potter off your bedside table. You were just opening to the first page, planning to restart it again from the beginning, when a firm knock sounded at your door. 

Pulse jumping with excitement, you rose from the bed and didn’t even hesitate to cross the room and reach for the doorknob. It never occurred to you that it might be anyone other than Negan, let alone for it to be the last person you’d have ever expected to see at your door. But things had been going so well today that it was almost as if fate was bored with your happiness and wanted to add some drama to the mix. 

Totally ignoring the warning prickle that ran up your spine, you opened the door with a welcome smile. It quickly died on your lips at the sight of who was standing on the other side, hands on hips and eyes throwing daggers your way. 

It was Amber...and she looked pissed.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Prologue: History

Characters: OFC (Shane Benton), OMC (Elliott Thomas)

Summary: Shane Benton is a hard-working physical therapist and a loving girlfriend…but her boyfriend has a less than desirable way of showing it.

In case you’ve fallen behind or want to read more of my drabbles!

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings:  Language, mature themes, angst, infidelity, domestic violence (moderate). Yeah, this may be a tad rough for some readers, but I tried to be mild, and mostly implicit. It was hard still, to see my fictional offspring go through this, even if she gives as good as she gets!

Author’s Note: Oh, y’all. When I needed a break from the sweet tenderness of Chapter 8, I came here and put Shane through some hell. (You can blame one of my friends I was talking about for this angst as they’re the one who put me into angsty headspace by cheating on my other friend! It’s been weighing on me! But I guess at least I’ve been able to use it!) I really hope you enjoy a bit of backstory on our heroine! I really liked writing her ferocity.

Also, I meant to have this posted yesterday, but because of some tragedy in one of my other fandoms (and the world, in general! Rest In Power, Chadwick Boseman!) and a bit of craziness in my personal life (my HS bestie wanted to hang out this weekend, so I spent a lot of time with her…also…I’ve been talking to a real live fella! OMG! And it’s entirely too soon to say that I like him, but like…I very much do…but he’s far away and recently single and things are complicated in just, several ways, so it just can’t happen at this point. But…like, we have been talking a ton recently, and…sigh. I have found it difficult to focus on the matters at hand. But, rest assured, I’m working on Chapter Nine, and it will be up just as soon as I find my rhythm!

Disclaimer: Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism. (Well, this isn’t a super fun chapter, I guess!)

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Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! (Also, if you’ve asked and aren’t on the list...well...that would be because I forgot to add you and reminding me will not offend or upset me. I think I might have ADD, or something, and being reminded about things is kind of how I survive!) Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X

5 years ago-

Shane got home from work, exhausted. The new electronic documentation system they'd just implemented was kicking her ass. And Anita's, whom she constantly had to help with it, all the while hearing Anita bellow "When can I retire?!" which lost its charm on about the third day.

"Elliott, I'm home." She didn't smell anything cooking, despite the fact that she knew he was off all day today. Whatever. She was used to him doing virtually nothing but whatever hipster bullshit he got up to on Instagram and YouTube, trying to get off the ground as an influencer with a brand…spare her. Since when did that become a job? She didn’t mind to get takeout though, if only she knew he wasn’t cooking. Maybe she should have asked. "Honey, I could have picked something up if--" she was startled by him in the doorway to the hall, in only his anime boxers, looking like he was trying to not be surprised she was home. "What?"

"Nothing, just…excited to see you! How was your day?" Elliott asked, scratching the back of his neck, displacing his mid-length, slightly moppy light brown hair, already disheveled. That was his tell. Something was up. She knew it.

"What's going on? Are you hiding something from me?"

"Why would you ask me that? Don't you trust me, baby?!" he guilted. Knowing just the buttons to push for empathy. It wasn't gonna work today. The machine was all out of that selection and full of his bullshit currency.

"Now that you mention it, no. I sure as hell don't." she walked around to enter the hall and investigate the rest of the house. "Let me through." he wouldn't budge. He had the advantage of physical size, but she was still wearing her work uniform including sneakers…he was more than half naked. She stomped hard on his instep and smacked him in the ear as he doubled over. She felt marginally bad for that in the moment…at best he'd get mild tinnitus for a while. At worst, he could have permanent hearing damage. She'd check later for blood coming out of his ear and see if she should feel worse about it then.

She rounded the corner to their bedroom. The quilt her grandma had made her was carelessly crumpled with the top sheet and blanket at the foot board. She noticed a swatch of an orangey red lipstick on her pillow. The same shade smudged onto the full mouth of the panicking strawberry blonde frantically donning clothes in front of her antique mirror, and the same shade, she was guessing, that was smeared across certain places on Elliott’s body that were now covered by those boxers that she had always hated. You know what, Elliott, she thought to herself. Fuck Bleach, and fuck you!

"I'm sure you're a lovely person who's just been lied to by a very charming and manipulative man, but…you still only have ten seconds to get to my front door before I call the cops." Shane threatened the girl, who couldn't have been more than twenty-one…and he was thirty-three.

"She's my guest." Elliott defended.

"You're not even on the lease. Your credit was too bad." she said over her shoulder while still squared off with the girl. She turned back to her. "I'm trying to be calm here, sweetie. But do not make me tell you even one more time to get out of my…fucking…house." the girl picked up her shoes and a small messenger bag from the floor near where Shane stood, keeping as wide a berth as she could, and skittered out of the room in terror.

"How many times, Elliott?"

"Don't do this, Shane."

"No, I think this is something we should do. Count the times you’ve broken my trust. Kissed another girl, fooled around with one, fucked one…I mean…I've never caught you in our bed before, so this LOOKS like a first…I sure hope it is…because I don't recall you doing any laundry since you've lived here. And if I thought you let me sleep in the same sheets that you…I can't even look at you, you son of a bitch."

"It's not what you think, Shane." he said, calmly, as if he'd simply picked up the wrong consistency of peanut butter from the store. The wrong brand of milk. Not that he ever did the shopping.

"Bullshit. Bull. Shit. Elliott. I come home and find you like this, and there's a girl in OUR bedroom, and her lipstick is all over MY pillow, and your balls, no doubt. Not gonna make you prove it, because at this point, I don't give a shit anymore. I've lost count of how many times I've forgiven you, even times you didn't care enough to ask me to. Times you probably don't even know that I know about. But it's done. You're gonna pack up all your things. And you're gonna be gone by the time I get home from work tomorrow. And don't expect me to be late…because I will not be."

"You're acting crazy. You can't do this. Where will I go, Shane?"

"That's not my concern anymore. Find an apartment that accepts Likes and subscriptions and followers as rent and cherish it. But your free ride here is done. I'm not your mom, your maid, your cook, or…anything to you anymore, Elliott."

He was getting angry now. His nostrils flared and his breaths came more quickly.

"Is this because you're fucking another guy? Hmm?" he got in her space, but she was out of the bedroom and back into the hallway. She shouted back.

"Oh, NOW you're gonna try to deflect this onto me? When in holy hell would I have time to get with anyone but you, when we don't even have sex anymore?! It's been, what, two, three months?"

"You work with guys."

"You have no idea who I am. To think that I would do something like that. No idea at all. If I don't have time at home, I certainly don't have time for sex at work, and you can ask any of my coworkers, male OR female. That place is an unsexy, unholy shit show 90% of the time. And the other ten, it's just above bearable."

"Well, I'm still not going anywhere."

"You are. Like I said. You're not on the lease. And all I have to do is call the landlord and tell him you're here without my permission and he'll have the cops here." she had gotten a glass of water…although she needed something stronger, and was standing by the sink with it. Her mouth was getting dry. She couldn't take much more of this without breaking.

"You wouldn't really do that to me though. I'm the only man who can give you what you want." he grabbed her by the arm, hard.

"Let go of me, Elliott."

"Or what." he asked for it. She got the other instep, his groin, and threw water in his face. She grabbed her purse and bolted out the door.

She got quickly on the phone with Heather her closest friend who had recently been hired on as a secretary for her clinic.

"Yello." she said, cheerful.

"Two things: can I crash at your place tonight and what kind of phone do you have?" she asked.

"Yes and a Galaxy something, I dunno, but what the fresh hell are you talking about?"

"I'll explain when I get there. I’m on my way to CVS for some essentials. Do you need anything?"

"Sounds like we need wine and ice cream!"

"Already on the list." She thanked Heather and hung up, calling her landlord.

“This’s Sam.” She heard over the receiver.

“Sam, I’m sorry to bother you, but I have a situation at the house.”

“What’s goin’ on?” He asked concerned. She’d never rented from anyone so kind. He’d become almost family. Like an uncle.

“Long story short, pest control. I’m kicking Elliott out and he has until the time I get home from work tomorrow. I told him you’d be there with the cops if he didn’t comply because he’s not on the lease. Is there any way you can help me and make that good?”

“He hurt ya, Shane?”

“Not, umm…not physically.” Although she had been rubbing the place on her arm where he’d grabbed her, certain there would be a bruise.

“That’s all I need to know. I’ve got a buddy or two on the squad here in town. I’m sure they won’t mind to help me out. You need anything?”

She held back the tears until she could hang up. “I’m staying over at a friend’s tonight and headed into CVS now for a few things I didn’t take time to grab after I kneed him in the groin and ran out.” She had just pulled into the parking lot.

“Well I’m nearby if you need anything when you’re back home.”

“Thanks. I guess just watch for smoke from the place for now. I don’t know what he might do, honestly.”

Up Next: Prologue: Onset of Injury (Sy)

[jaminjims]

i love you’s || k.nj

synopsis: you could never stop saying ‘i love you’ to him because he was everything you ever needed. 

pairing: kim namjoon x gender neutral reader 

genre: oneshot! fluff, fluff, and more fluff (and maybe just a tiny little bit of angst but its barely noticeable)

warnings: n/a

words: 1.7k

a/n: omg kinda nervous to release this fic because it’s in a different style than i usually post in but i thought it was really cute and with all the literal angst i’ve been publishing, this would be like a breath of fresh air. so here it is, and yes before you ask, this IS based off of the dream i had of namjoon that i said i would write like three millennia ago. i hope you guys like it!

“Namjoon, come on. I don’t want to wait in the long line.” You whined as you pulled your boyfriend by the hand. 

He laughed and smiled that dimpled smile you adored so much, “Ok, ok. I didn’t know you loved smoothies so much, babe.” He linked his fingers with yours and then kissed the back of your hand. 

You giggled and leaned your head against his shoulder, “Well, maybe if you came out of your studio every once in awhile you would know.” By your teasing voice, Namjoon knew you weren't actually criticizing him about his work. 

It has been awhile since the two of you have been out together for a full day like this and you wanted to cherish every moment you got with him. Namjoon often lost himself in his work, but you could tell he really loves what he does, so you didn’t mind as much when he spends hours at a time working on music. 

But that didn't mean you didn’t miss him. You were always up waiting for him when he got home later than usual. You would bring him lunch when you weren't to busy yourself and talk about your days. It was the little things that made him fall infinitely more in love with you. 

“I’m just happy you're with me now, though.” You said as you smiled up at him. 

He squeezed your hand and leaned down to kiss your forehead, “Lets go. I thought you didn’t want to wait in the line to long.” 

You snickered and started dragging him to the smoothie booth again. “Haha, you are so funny.” You mumbled sarcastically.

He laughed again and jogged a little ways to catch up with you. He un-linked your hands to instead put his arm around your shoulders. The both of you waited in the smoothie line for awhile, just discussing life, until it was your turn to order. 

“I would like a banana smoothie please.” You looked over at Namjoon and couldn’t help but admire his face as he looked up at the order menu. He was wearing a black turtle neck tucked into dark blue jeans. 

‘Is it hot in here or is it just me?’

You didn’t catch his answer to the girl getting your orders, but you did notice when he took his arm from around your shoulders to grab his wallet. But you stopped him before he could get out any money. 

“Yah, I’m paying.” You said with finality while Namjoon sighed in response, shaking his head with a smiled on his face.

“Yes, anything for you.” He said. But was it just you or did it sound teasing? 

You huffed out a laugh before responding, “Well now I wanna let you pay.” Even as you said that though, you gave the cash to the lady at the register. She looked between the two of you and smiled endearingly before handing back your change. 

Namjoon pulled you to a table close by so you could wait for your drinks. The mall around you was bustling with people and you were glad he seemed to find a relatively quiet (well at least quiet for a mall) place to sit. 

You grabbed his hands from across the table and just starred at him. Which people would have thought was creepy if it wasn’t for the fact that Namjoon starred back at you with just the same amount of adoration. 

“What you starring at me for?” He question as he squeezed your hands. 

You shrugged in response, “I just love looking at you, I guess.” 

He smiled his dimpled smiled again and looked down at the table, breaking eye contact. You couldn't help but smile at how bashful he was.

When your orders were called he got up from his seat and went to collect them. You took this chance to move your chair next to his so you could be closer to each other.

He came back and put your smoothie in front of you while he started to drink his. Once he sat down, the both of you talked about everything you could. Having deep conversations like this was one of the reasons why your relationship worked so well. The both of you believed that communication was one of the essentials in a relationship, and the both of you tended to talk about what's on your minds all the time so it was something you excelled in.

“What do you think your future looks like?” 

Namjoon looked out into the busy mall, “I don’t know, honestly.” He then turned to look at you. “But I do know that you’re in it.” 

The blush on your face was there before he even finished his sentence. “Ugh, stop being so sappy.” And even though you said that, there was a big smile on your face and the fluttering in your heart made you jittery. 

The both of you talked for a little more before your smoothies were gone. You both got up and went to throw your trash away, but before you could continue walking around, you grabbed Namjoon by the waist and pulled him in for a hug. 

He was surprised at your gesture but settled into the embrace none-the-less. As he wrapped his arms around you, you sighed out, just enjoying the moment. 

“You know, you’re a very good hugger.” 

His chuckle reverberates through his chest. “You tell me that all the time babe.”

When you didn’t let go of the hug after a little while, he got a little worried. “Hey, are you ok?” 

You hummed and shrugged your shoulders, “Yep,” you looked up at him and smiled big, “I just love you a lot.”

~**~

“Can we go? Please?” You said as you gave Namjoon you’re best puppy dog eyes. You had pulled him in the direction of the “Kiddie Section” in the mall and you were currently pointing to a ride that looked like it would fit a six year old, definitely not you, a full sized adult. 

“You’re such a kid.” He snorted. “You will most definitely get stuck in that thing.” 

“No I won’t.” You said, hitting him on the arm. 

He sighed good-naturedly and pulled put a quarter to put into the - to him - small death like contraption they called a little kids ride. It was a tiny red car that was painted on the front to look like a clown. Like come on. 

You sat down and just your knees took up all the space, but you somehow fit yourself down into the tiny seat and you then pester Namjoon to take a picture. 

He snaps a picture and then he smiles and sets it as his new phone background. 

“Jonnie, uh, so like...” 

He looks back over at you and can’t suppress his groan because he was right and you did end up getting stuck.

“Oh for the love of... Ok, what do you need me to do?” 

“Can you pull my arms up while I try to get my legs about from under me?” 

The both of you try to get you out for about ten minutes before you finally twist your body the right way to get out, but while you do, you hit your knee hard. 

“Babe, you ok?” He asks as he helps you sit down on a nearby bench. 

You rub your knee and grimace. “Yeah it just hurts a lot.” 

He sighs tiredly but still has a smile on his face. He then puts his phone in his back pocket and bends down in front of you. “Come on, get on, love.” 

You frowned, “But I don’t want to hurt you. Besides, you’ll get tired.” 

He turns around and flicks your forehead, “You have no say in this.” 

You laugh a little and accept his piggy back ride. The two of you walked, well Namjoon walked while you were carried, around the mall. You were window shopping while talking and occasionally you would make a joke that would make the two of you laugh. 

You both got ice cream after about an hour of walking around and you leaned up (you were still being carried) and placed a kiss on Namjoon’s cheek. “I love you lots.”

His dimple smile made your heart swell and he tightened his grip around your thighs. 

“I love you more.” 

~**~ 

“Hey, wanna see a movie?” Even though it was a question, you made it sound like a statement. 

The both of you were sitting on a bench outside at near-by park. Watching and listening to the wildlife and children play about. 

“Mm, what do you wanna see?” he stated as he continued to draw lazy patterns on your shoulder with the hand that was around you. 

Your eyes brightened up and you smiled, “I don’t know, maybe the new Scooby-Do movie?” 

He snickered and looked over at you, “Of course you would say that.” 

You narrowed your eyes, “And what is that supposed to mean?” 

He leaned in and kissed your nose, “That I would do anything for you, even see the Scooby-Do movie.” 

You took the chance and kissed him on the lips, a smirk in place, “Hey, I heard it was actually good.” 

“Mhm, lets go. I want to get the earliest one.” 

He pulled you up by your hand (since your knee didn’t hurt that much anymore) and intertwined your fingers, walking toward the movie theater connected to the mall. 

You purchased the tickets while he got the snacks and you two made your way to theater number seven, where the starting credits where just beginning to start. 

When you sat down, you took both of Namjoon’s hands in yours and preoccupied yourself with playing with his fingers. It was actually something you really liked doing because his hands were really smooth. 

While you were waiting for the movie to start, he looked over at you with a soft smile on his face and adoration in his eyes. He couldn’t believe that he had someone as great and amazing as you in his life. 

Right as the movie theater was dimming down to get ready to play Scooby-Do, you looked up and caught him staring at you. 

You smiled shyly, “What?” 

He shrugged and leaned in to kiss you. When he pulled away, you opted to snuggle up into him, to be as close as possible. 

“I love you.” you whispered as the movie started. 

You didn’t think he heard you but he leaned his head on top of yours and felt him smile against your hair. “I love you more.” 

[end]

end note: there’s not much for me to say other than i had myself melting at this one you guys. and i hope no one was to thrown off by the writing style! oh and also! i love ya’ll! that’s it. that’s all i had to add

~**~

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taglist: @boba-tea1206​

[baby-grayson]

Kind Stranger|GBD|Part 13

Parts 1-12 Word Count: 3,000 Tag list:  @not-gbd @styles-dolan​ @evergreendolan​ @someonetogray​ @vintagedolan​ @prettyboydolan​ @dolansficsandpics​ @graysavant​ @baby-turtles​

A/N: Next part will be the “finale” and part 15 will be the epilogue to the series (omg we made it guys)

Summary: Grayson decides to confront Kate about their situation but is interrupted by her unlucky morning.

Grayson grew tireless of waiting for Ethan to wake up. He sat in an armchair in their rental home and tapped his foot against the floor. He looked down at his phone, noting that a whole ten minutes had passed since he last checked. 

“C’mon E,” Grayson groaned under breath. He liked his lips. He gazed to the side; his eyes found a bowl of fruit on his island counter. He couldn’t eat. His internal organs felt like they were being slowly twisted around a spool. He couldn’t even think about eating. 

He rubbed his eyes, which stung from his lack of sleep. If he wanted to lie to himself, Grayson would say he got about two hours of sleep last night. But Grayson was an honest man who knew he had barely closed his eyes last night.

Every time he closed his eyes, she was there. When he rested his eyelids, he was faced with visons of luscious dark hair, pink pouty lips, and wide brown eyes speckled with gold trails. When he tried to shake those mental images, his body would enchant his mind with a faint sweet, citrus scent; a silvery, velvet voice; and the feeling of iridescent, silky skin. When his body and mind worked together to torture him, he could almost feel the parting of two plush, perfect lips finding their way to his. Grayson exhaled in a rough tone. He bit down on his bottom lip, causing the blister that had formed in the night before to release a drop of blood. 

Grayson had been living in this cycle since late last night. His entire being would become consumed by the idea of Kate, and the thoughts would only fade into the pain of slamming his incisor onto the corner of his bottom lip. His mental mutiny did not reserve much room for him to develop actual thoughts about what he wanted to say to her. In truth, he had barely decided about what he wanted to do. 

Grayson’s eyes dug holes into Ethan’s bedroom door. His foot tapped furiously against the ground. As much as Grayson dearly loved Ethan’s girlfriend, he sat there and wished Ethan hadn’t been on Facetime until 1AM last night. 

Grayson hadn’t looked in a mirror that morning. If he did, he would have been faced with the blood shot eyes, swollen mouth, and stubble that greeted Ethan when he slumped out of his room for his morning pee. Ethan’s door opened with a low rasping sound coming from its hinges. Grayson’s head immediately bounced up at the sign of his brother. Ethan furrowed his bro, confused as to why his brother’s face looked so worn, and why Grayson’s posture looked like he was both a man ready to cry and a man ready to start a fight. 

Ethan opened his mouth to comment but was quickly interrupted by Gray, “—Were you going to see Kate today?” Ethan blinked a few times, the question ricocheted off him like his mind was made of rubber. He met his tongue to the top of his mouth a few times, eyes still glazed with sleep.

Grayson became louder, more forceful, “Were you going to see Kate today?” He enunciated each letter in perfect form. 

Ethan shook his, caught completely off guard. “Um no—wait actually yeah,” he ran a hand through his hair, “I was going stop by at like 3 maybe and drop off some groceries—” Grayson interrupted for the second time that morning, “But she’s not going anywhere right? Not the doctor again?”

Ethan fixed his posture, wondering why his brother was interrogating him so early in the morning, “No not for another two weeks I think—” “Thanks” Grayson did not waste time rushing to his Porsche and backing out of their driveway.  

Kate grunted from her position on the floor. The tiles felt painfully cold against her wet skin. She whined audibly as her body ached underneath her. Her stitches pulled at her flesh, creating an anguish at the end of the dead weight that was her left leg.

She tossed a handful of soaking wet hair over her shoulder. Her breath became hastier as she reached her arms behind her and tried to lift herself off the tile floor with all her mind. Her voice transformed into an indiscernible amalgamation of strained wails. Just as her elbows opened slightly, her fingers collapsed under her tense wrists and her body was launched back into her original position. 

She stopped struggling for a moment. She inhaled a few deep breaths and closed her eyes.  With a layer of anxiety washing away from her tense being, she collected her thoughts. Her phone? It was in her purse, which was in her bedroom, which was through the bathroom door—no good. Knocking on the wall she shared with her next-door neighbor? They were never home— it wouldn’t be any use. Yelling for help? She was in the inside of her apartment, which was four stories off of the ground in an apartment complex—she would need to scream very loud for anyone to notice. 

She was stuck. Kate had fallen from her shower stool, which she used to prop herself up and her post-op foot on the side of the tub. She landed in a naked ball on her bathroom floor, legs in the hair and head in the corner between the wall and tub. 

Kate felt helpless; an emotion that grew like a malignant tumor in an independent woman like her. 

Her mind began to spiral into terrible scenarios of distress. Her heart pounded in her chest, making sounds that mimicking Big Ben striking midnight over London on a mid-world war 2 night.

She yelped in shock. There was a knock at her front door. At first, she gaped in anxiety. After a few breaths and a second knock, her mind reminded her that a person at her front door would offer her refuge from her current predicament. “Ethan! Is that you!” she hoped she was screaming loud enough for him to hear her all the way from the bathroom.

Grayson could have identified Kate’s voice in a crowd of one million people. He was so anxious that his brain didn’t process how faint her voice sounded from behind her front door. “No,” his voice was gruff, “It’s Gray—” his voice faltered, “Grayson. Can I come in?”

Kate exhaled. She swore that she had pissed off some higher deity, who chose to give her one of the worst mornings of her life. How else would she end up naked, soaking wet, in a helpless mess on her bathroom floor with her gorgeous ex-boyfriend standing outside her front door? “Now’s not the best time!” Grayson huffed. She was okay with Ethan but not with him. He groaned and ran his hands through his hair, stopping to pull at the strands in the front. His jaw tensed up before he knocked on the door, with more conviction this time. “Please! I really need to talk to you!” His voice was hoarse and husky, fraught with masculine energy and scattered emotions.

 “shit,” Kate mumbled under her breath. She loved that Grayson was persistent and dedicated but asked herself why he couldn’t take a hint. She wondered what she could say that wouldn’t hurt his feelings, when her shower curtain fell from the rod and hit the bathroom floor with a clatter. In her tension, she hadn’t realized that her good leg had been wound around the edge of the curtain in her fall, and that the stress on the material slipped it from the hooks in a swift motion.

 Grayson’s brow furrowed as he heard the snapping sounds from the other side of her front door. He knocked again, more dubiously this time, “Everything alright in there?”Kate took too long to answer. Grayson started again, “Do you need any help?” Kate closed her eyes and leaned the back of her head against the corner of her wall and tub. She recognized the irony of his question: it was the same question she asked him the day they met on the beach when he hurt himself. 

Kate picked her head and scanned her surroundings. She noted the shower curtain that was strewn over the floor and toilet. She wiggled her toes from where her feet hung in the air. She eyed the pool of water in the middle of the bathroom. She sighed. She reached as far as she could with her left arm. The tips of her fingers touched the shower curtain, she grabbed it quickly and tried to cover herself as best she could in her position.  

She looked down and wondered if it was worth bringing her complex emotions toward Grayson into this mess. She decided she had no choice, “There’s a spare key taped to the bottom of the mail slot!” Grayson ran a single, large finger across the bottom edge of her mailbox. He reached the bulge of a small, metal object secured by a piece of masking tape. He ripped it off quickly and harshly inserted it into her front door. He tried to focus on turning the lock, silently asking that the alarming thoughts in his head to leave. 

He shoved the door open the second that the lock clicked. He stepped through the threshold and looked around. Her apartment looked the same way it had when he had last been here: when he made the idiot mistake of asking her to keep their relationship private from her own mother. Grayson had left the apartment with the deflated spirit of a freshly broken heart; that morning, he was returning with the invigoration of a man trying to help the woman he loved. He looked around, not seeing her. “Kate?” he asked, he was terrified of not hearing an answer.

He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding when she replied, “I’m in the bathroom!”. Her high-pitched voice sounded exhausted, and her voices left her lips with a twinge of fear.

 Grayson’s long legs bounded him in extensive strides as he reached her bathroom door. He took in a breath. His hand was almost dainty when it rapped on the door, “Can I come in?” His voice wavered no less than three times as he asked. 

“Yeah” she sounded drained. 

Grayson pushed the door open. His eyes went wide when he didn’t see her at first. He felt like his mind was playing a trick on him. It wasn’t until he peered down at the bright blue shower curtain on the floor that he found her. She looked like a broken doll. Her hair dripped onto the bathmat beneath her, her skin was dewy from her shower, but her limbs were contorted. Her post-op foot was swinging in the air, above all her other limbs. Her shower curtain didn’t do much to veil her naked curves. 

Grayson swallowed: confused and aghast at the scene in front of him. His cheeks faded into a light shade of pink. His breaths became shaky as he failed to find words. 

“Can you help me up?” her voice sounded so small to him. 

Grayson nodded; his mouth went dry when he tried to respond audibly. He took in a loud breath and kneeled. Kate held out her arms, like a small child asking for a hug, but Grayson did not take them. Instead, he placed one arm firmly under the small of her back and the other one under her knee. He scooped her from the floor and stood up. Kate’s arms latched around his neck as he delicately walked her out of the bathroom, into her bedroom, and laid her on her bed. 

Grayson licked his lips before biting down on his blister again. He felt the top of her ass against one of his arms. The feeling of having her so close to his being flooded his treacherous mind with memories of waking up next to her. His nostrils nearly seized at the attack of her sweet, citrus scent. His mouth went dry. When she wrapped her arms around his neck, his heart started shaking.

 Kate set her head back on a pillow and closed her eyes. She exhaled, grateful to be from the floor but anxious to now interact with Grayson in front of her. When she opened her eyes, found Grayson at her closet. “What are you doing?” her tone sounded more accusatory and less appreciative than she would have wanted. 

 “Getting you something to wear,” Grayson was grateful for any distraction that peeled his eyes from his naked ex-girlfriend. Well, naked except for a shower curtain. Grayson’s heart heaved at the sight of the t-shirt he had left here their first night. He remembered walking to his car shirtless, not wanting to lose the precious sight of her wrapped up in his clothes. His emotions got the better of him as he picked up the shirt and tossed it at the end of her bed, “Here you go.” “Thanks,” Kate mumbled. If Grayson had been looking at her, he would have seen the tension hit her face when she realized what shirt he had offered her. Trying to be polite, Grayson had found a place to stand in front of the window while she put on some clothes. “Why were you in a shower curtain anyway?” Grayson’s voice was lower than usual, trying to disguise the myriad of emotions dancing in his head.  “Modesty,” Kate stuck her head through the hole of the shirt, “I didn’t want you to see me naked.” She patted the fabric down, “You can turn around now.” Grayson raised an eyebrow in a way that questioned her desire for modest, even though he just gave her that without asking. “Silly, I know,” Kate commented before laying back on the bed. She closed her eyes, as if she was trying to reset the moment, they were in. 

Grayson’s eyes searched the scene in front of him. A part of him melted at this scene: the woman he loved, dressed in his shirt, with her wet hair laying across her pillow, her angelic face in a peaceful state. Another part of him wanted to run away, to forever avoid the feelings that she stirred in him. She catalyzed such an emotional reaction in him: it was nearly dangerous with how fiercely his body responded for her.

 If Kate was aware of Grayson’s internal struggle, she didn’t show it. She was calm, or at least calm compared to the scared, helpless mess of a person she had been a few minutes earlier. She picked her head up from the pillow, opening her eyes and meeting Grayson’s gaze, “Thanks for that, I really appreciate it.” Her voice was soft and sincere. 

“No problem,” Grayson’s mouth fell in a flat line, “Just being a kind stranger.” 

Kate laughed. She didn’t think before her mouth let out a sound, triggering a proud smirk on Grayson’s face. He loved her laugh; it was sweet and right; just like everything else about her. Every time he saw her smile, it was like the first time. Her eyes held solace for him, a kind and peaceful place to escape to when the terrors of LA contorted his heart. He looked at her and saw a guilty pleasure: his own personal paradise in a harsh, cruel world.

She ignited his most romantic fantasies. He wanted to dance around her kitchen on a Sunday morning, making pancakes and decorating each other in kisses. He wanted to be washed over by nerves as he carried her engagement ring in his pocket, frantically planning how to ask for her forever. He wanted to know what she would look like pregnant with their first child, was it possible for her to be even more beautiful than she was now?

Sitting on her bed in front of him, Grayson couldn’t take his eyes off him. There was something so inherently feminine about her; sure, she was a girl, but she was more. Her lips were perfectly blossomed. Her eyes were kind and sure. Her body was like a flower, curved and edged in a way that asked the question how that kind of natural beauty was possible. 

And yet, there was something fragile about her. There was something like a newborn baby. She was untouched by the evils of his world: one where people would gladly tear him down to build themselves up. She was physically delicate, as he had just experienced by finding her on the bathroom floor unable to get up. Grayson’s heart wanted so badly to protect her from world with all his being. 

And even so, there was a toughness about her. She was strong: she could handle any emotional situation a thousand times better than Grayson could. She was brave: facing a new life in LA with no support but never complaining. She was courageous: never fearing to speak her mind, no matter the audience. Grayson wanted to be like her, as much as he wanted to be with her. 

Standing in her bedroom, faced with all these realities, Grayson’s mouth went dry. His eyes found the floor. His blood pumped into his brain with too much vigor. The blister in his mouth spasmed in pain. He swallowed with a heavy tongue. His eyes looked back at her, meeting her gaze. He recognized the concern in her eyes. His chest rose and fell quickly. “No- “Grayson started, realizing that he was almost dizzy, “I can’t do this.” His legs used wide strides to fly him out of her apartment while she called out after him. The outside air felt cold on his skin as he closed the front door, making him realize he was sweating profusely. Kate had just grabbed her crutches and hopped across her apartment to look down from her porch, hear Grayson’s car door close, and watch him zip away into the LA traffic.        

[isolctions]

...........so let’s finally talk abt what the actual fucking fuck is wrong with ai’rina rue castillo, huh gang? :-)

(everyone go thank @armsdealing & @durcgs beating the anxiety out of me in order to post this info-dump.)

...before we get into things, now’s the part where i establish a warning for triggers to be discussed in this lengthy headcanon post. there’s gonna be some talks of mental illness, slight alcohol abuse, & breaking down topics of familial abuse, mental abuse, religious abuse, emotional manipulation, and elements of non-con. be warned.

a’ight, so look. i’ve hinted in between threads & development that rue had a not-so-fantastic upbringing that impacted how she perceives herself, how she interacts with others, (in terms of her career, at least) and how she views personal relationships, but i didn’t realize how........severely her upbringing messed with her mental health until i started working through how i wanted to plot out rue’s behavior for her next album release. at first, i had the idea that she decided to take more time for herself & sort of distance herself from the public / media circus plaguing her life so that she can create much more authentic music. then i actually listened to the EP that i’m basing her album off of and thought “...oh.” THEN, i looked over old meme responses & old threads / mentions of her family and how she grew up and thought, not for the last time since piecing everything together: “....oh. oh fucking boy.”

so, that horrible realization dawning on me, let’s talk about rue’s childhood.

i wrote a thing like, two years ago almost (that upon looking for last night, i realized i didn’t actually share it w/ anyone but alex in our discord server & only mentioned a portion of it in rue’s moodboard that i made) that talked vaguely about how rue felt growing up. and it’s worth noting that...she’s the middle of ten fucking siblings. and that’s just the brothers & sisters she knew of that stayed with their mother. and on top of that, not all of those siblings are the product of rue’s father, or even rue’s mother for that matter. and it’s also worth noting that rue not only grew up in poverty, but she grew up never having any actual space that had solely been her own, or even an article of clothing that had belonged entirely to her. so naturally, as a young child, rue sort of became torn between starved for attention & wanting someone to pay attention to her (whether that be her older siblings including her in something, whatever teacher they had for the next six months to call on her for something, for her mother to miraculously show up with her unknown father in tow one day, & for literally anyone to be her friend, pls god Notice her!!!) and for people to simply leave her the hell alone. obviously, this carried into adulthood.

and branching off from the whole “lack of space” point i made, rue wound up growing up to become increasingly more private as time went on because she literally cannot remember a single moment where she wasn’t squished between a bunch of people. driving around in their minivan? rue’s packed in the middle of the second row. nowhere to sleep while on the road? rue’s smacked between gigantic older brothers & clingy little siblings. need to use to bathroom? lmao, she better off going outside!!! gotta change clothes? yeah, good luck with that. it was to the point where, when rue got her first period, she was humiliated by it — not because ‘omg, am i a woman now?? wtf is this???’, but because she ruined the one good sheet that she slept on with her sisters & they were super pissed at her and her mother withheld pay from her for weeks. >:/

already, rue grew up never having shit to herself until the record deal. but she also dealt with literally...so much abuse from her mother. rue thought this was the norm growing up, because all of her siblings faced their mother’s wrath at some point & all of them eventually learned to just deal with the shit and do what she says if they wanted to avoid it. they all compartmentalized and repressed to varying degrees. there’s a lot in which rue has repressed so deeply, she doesn’t even remember if it seriously happened or if she was just making it up bc it was so fucking bizarre for a parent to act that way towards their child, lol?? (and this behavior of “i’m just going to do what you say bc i don’t want to deal with whatever bullshit you’re up to if i say no” also carried into business / personal relationships, which is...very Yikes it’s amazing she didn’t get scammed or worse!) 

so sure, people have complimented her for her exceptional manners & her cleanliness & how quiet / polite she is & how amazing her posture is, bc seriously, this girl will never experience back problems in her life bc her posture is so on par. but where rue typically smiles / responds bashfully, she can’t exactly just up and say: “oh, yeah, my mom used to slap the shit out of me ‘til i bruised if i spoke out of turn or talked back, and if i reached for anything in the store or put my elbows on the table she’d slap a ruler against my palms ‘til i got welts, and she’d make me read verses all night without sleep if i did anything wrong and make me straighten up and kneel on rice if i slouched or took a nap in church and humiliated me in public if i so much as looked at someone of the opposite sex on the street n oh, did i mention i also cleaned houses for rich millionaire snobs from ages twelve to sixteen and if they said or did literally anything to me i wasn’t allowed to defend myself?? ya i’m real proper :)”

(and normal ppl will go: “...................what the FUCK is WRONG with you????”)

but oh man, babe, we’re not done yet!!! rue, being the product of both a highly religious and a highly exploitative household...had difficulty when she started reaching puberty & noticing her classmates. plural, because it wasn’t just boys that she began to secretly have crushes on / fantasize abt, sexually or domestically. she also realized, oh shit, that she started looking at girls differently too. and that literally put the fear of god into her heart, bc if her mother ever found out that she was having non-platonic feelings for the girls in her classrooms, she wasn’t going to be pissed. her mom might have actually tried to kill her. or have her exorcised or something. she knew the shit would be severe, and she wanted no fucking parts of her mother or her siblings inserting the church into her personal life, thank u very much! so rue started suppressing her romantic feelings for people to the point where if adult rue receives intimacy, she’s like “...is this allowed? is this not illegal??????” while simultaneously being like “i will be a slut. just this once. as a Treat to teenage me. :>” regardless, rue learned to molotov cocktail literally any emotion or thought she had, bc she was paranoid that it would give her mother a vision.

now, onto the perils of exploitation...she should’ve been used to it really, what with her mother forcing herself & siblings to lure customers into their shop with promises of visions and palm readings and the wonders of the cards and overexerting their abilities. same with housekeeping, like being of service to people was normal! but when seventeen year old rue decided to sign a record deal and break from home, she wasn’t thinking critically about what the fuck all of this would entail. and as described in this headcanon post abt her discography, her early music was the product of allowing people much older & powerful than you to influence your work & manipulate your values. so rue was very much parading around as someone she wasn’t, someone much more confident and badass and self-assured than she really was, and she was so impressionable back then that it literally makes her sick to think back on it now. she calls it her puppy phase and phrases the eagerness to please execs as ‘tongue wagging’. homegirl hardly even knew her name anymore, bc all she was and all she would ever be was rue, the star, the vocal temptress. not ai’rina, the help or ai’rina, the seer, ai’rina, the weak little nobody. but later on, the subtle manipulation was less about decision making & how they wanted her to sound, and more about how they wanted to present the latest trophy star — because after all, she was pretty. people liked her. she sung really well. suitors weren’t too far off into the distant future. so why not kill two birds with one stone by having a high ranking label artist keep tabloids talking by being seen in public with a few heart throbs? surely, there’s no harm in manipulating an eighteen/nineteen year old’s love life! under the guise of improving her social skills & relations with fellow artists and the media and the like, rue gave into the pressures and let herself be taken out on dates & seen at awards shows with a few guys. no big deal. it was only for a night or so, she could handle the attention. then, one night appearances turned into week long appearances. pretending to date for only a month! completely innocent, positive exposure. :)

(adult rue, looking back @ younger rue: you stupid fucking BITCH-)

yeah, so once her label/management realized that she was turning into a hot commodity, they lost no sleep at allowing their nineteen year old artist to be seen ‘dating’ 20-24+ year old men occasionally. and whatever happened after their public appearances were none of their business. plus, she was good at pretending and being arm candy — so rue experienced her first kiss, her first dates, and her first times with people who she’s almost certain hardly remember their time with her, and really only got involved with her for a mutual career boost. very few of them does she actually remember in a positive light, and the ones that were positive, still depress her bc lmao all of it was fake, even if they were really nice & made it less like a chore and more like they actually wanted to be with her!! even fewer of them were actual relationships. meaning, said person asked her out of their own volition, not bc their managers thought it’d be a decent match on camera. it was evil, really, what her old label made of her. (like, she makes funny jokes that her first time having sex was awkward bc she had a vision halfway through that bummed her out but in reality it was just...really more of a transaction that made her feel icky n progressively worse abt herself until it happened more often and now she just doesn’t care anymore. sex is just sex, u know?? everything’s fake. why you gotta make it personal.) this whole fiasco took over the larger part of rue’s career from like, age nineteen to age twenty-two or so, and she suffered dramatically from this because what is even a genuine, authentic relationship at this point? what do u mean you want to get to know me? did ur manager tell you to ask so many damn questions & try to get to know me? obviously you want something from me bc that’s why everyone gets into a relationship or has sex with me, stop confessing feelings for me u fucking loser. >:/

like...rue doesn’t even have friends. outside of her relationship with marcelo / @armsdealing​ (which, AGAIN, i think was initially arranged to promote her song be honest, how fucking IRONIC), rue does not have any personal relationships with anyone. i mean, she likes her latest management team since switching labels...her hair stylist is rly cool & her make up artist is fun to vacation with...she met a few other celebrities at events that she occasionally texts & has dinner with...yeah, she’s basically a pretty hermit. her family is more or less out of the question — the few brothers & sisters she does still have a positive relationship with (like, four of them lol), they don’t see each other in person often / mainly communicate via groupchat and facetime calls when all of them have time. she tried visiting with her mother over the years, but the verbal & emotional abuse/curses placed on her/accusations of being an imp of satan for singing to the public/memories of being forced to perform psychic shows & clean for chump change keeps her from trying to mend that relationship. like, being gaslit by ur mother isn’t really the vibe, u know? and bottom line, rue simply is a very shy and socially stunted individual who does not know how to communicate like a normal human being anymore. hell, her life revolves around pretending for strangers at this point!

now, onto how...all of That ties into her behavior / state of mind during this next album. so, after riding the wave of success from her third album & the circus that came with that. rue sort of had a fucking existential crisis. came out of absolutely nowhere. (not nowhere — one of her brothers called her out of the blue and called her ai’rina and she literally went “who the fuck is that?”) told her label that she was taking some time in between albums bc she was creatively zapped or whatever bullshit excuse she came up with that somehow worked bc this new label was a little more understanding than the last. vacationed for a little, did some hot girl shit, bought a house, tried to see her mother again for whatever reason then got the shit slapped out of her and finally screamed at her to never touch her again unless she wanted to Throw Hands. cried and got drunk abt it. that took six months. bullshat to her label again, dropped like two songs to smooth things over, decided to focus on magic for a little to ground her, started partying with label mates then going home shitfaced & hungover every other morning. that took eight months. dropped one last song, promptly deleted her twitter, tried to write songs again, got a call from her mother and panicked and got drunk. that took a year. vacationed some more, got even drunker, was bed ridden for like three months because holy shit i’m having so many visions and if i see One More Thing my brain is going to explode, couldn’t separate the present from the future for weeks after that, told absolutely no one about that, cried every day & had an identity crisis, dyed her hair to appease the identity crisis goblins. that took a year and a half.

now, she just chilling. dyed her hair again. scaring her siblings halfway to death bc she keeps going on benders & sending cryptic texts abt the visions she’s getting but they’re so incomprehensible that they’re seriously considering moving in to get her fucking shit together. had a vision that she was married with kids and had a two week identity crisis appeased only by moving houses. (she was in a neighborhood with families...too much Drama and visions. turned into a really cool song tho.) started calling herself by her birth name of ai’rina in private. reactivated twitter to send cryptic tweets that her album is coming. working on said album. trying to drink less but kinda failing bc how is one simply supposed to make a highly personal dual album without alcohol??? prbly somewhere crying in marcelo’s lap or smthn. just vibes.

like...i feel like, in my head, the Theme of her project is wrapped up in identity. her relationship with fame and whatnot. trying to coax her childhood self out of its’ shell so that she can function like a normal goddamn person for once and re-establish her values. like, if someone went to any of rue’s residences right now, it’s just songbooks everywhere and wine glasses and her crystals and shit, bc she still has people’s futures to read for money. (yes, she never really got out of that portion of her childhood, but hey it pays.) it was all very confusing to experience at once while in bed at four in the morning & even though i tried organizing and debated on this, it’s still a Lot. which is why i am once again asking for plots that would allow her to dissect all these Things

so yeah. album four otw, with a side of confronting our childhood & facing our traumas!

[madamspeaker]

It’s not a “gate” - The hair/salon thing

I’ve addressed the salon thing in a couple of asks, but I wanted to take a moment to just go through the whole thing separate of those because what this saga has highlighted is a complete failure of journalists to do their work, and the undercurrent of misogyny that perpetuates both journalistic discourse, and how women must present themselves, especially if a public figure.

(This is long, so to spare your dashboards it’s under a cut)

Let’s start with the facts. Nancy’s usual stylist wasn’t available for Monday, so she/he recommended someone else. Nancy’s office contacted him last weekend (Nancy only returned to SF some time on Friday), and asked if it was possible to do her hair. The thing to note at this moment is that the rules governing salons in California started to change from last Friday. The governor had announced limited indoor openings, but to confuse matters some localities were still imposing tighter restrictions. Nancy’s office checked with the stylist, who told them that the rules permitted one person in at a time. He then asked the salon owner who he rented a chair from if he could go into the premises and do the appointment on Monday. The owner agreed to his request on the Saturday. Fast forward to Monday afternoon - Nancy gets her hair done before doing a television interview on MSNBC, and then on Tuesday the owner cries “outrage!!!” to Fox News, bringing along with her a seconds long bit of footage that shows Nancy with her mask around her neck. Naturally the whole thing explodes on Twitter and then across other media (several versions of the story made the top ten shared links on Facebook).

What followed was a failure of journalism to ask follow up questions about the clearly odd parts of the salon owner’s account as relayed by Fox News (a red flag in of itself). In her interview with Fox she admitted she had known about the appointment in advance, but no one thought to ask why she let the appointment go ahead if it so offended and outraged her - she did own the place afterall, it’s not like Nancy had keys or barged in. Likewise, no one thought to ask where the rest of the salon footage was. Why only release seconds worth which rather conveniently showed Nancy with her mask down, and partially hidden under her chin? Could it be that she had worn the mask the rest of the time. No one in the media thought to ask this. It seemed fairly clear to most sensible people on Tuesday night that something with off with the salon owner’s tale of outrage, but the media pretty much took the Fox News version of events at verbatim. Only USA Today raised the points I just did, but alas, they buried them in their write up.

Wednesday saw Nancy fight back, acknowledging that she took responsibilty for trusting the salon (when perhaps she should have had someone else verify what they had been told), but ask yourselves this, would you have verified it elsewhere? She had been to this salon before with a stylist, they were local, she trusted them, and in a situation in which the law was changing, it makes perfect and reasonable sense to ask the professionals in that industry what their status is. On this point there have been plenty of indignant people and bots on Twitter up in arms that Nancy didn’t apparently know the regulations in SF, but a) she didn’t make those regulations (as some seem to think), b) she spends just as much if not more time in D.C., and c) she has about 100 other things on her plate in any given hour, that salon regulations in SF are probably somewhere near 120 on her list after deal with Covid-19, Trump, win the election, save the USPS, try to get a stimulus bill, deal with the federal budget which will need a CR to prevent a shutdown (minutes after I hit publish on this it was announced she had reached a deal with Mnuchin to avoid a shutdown), restore in-person inteligence briefings, file an appeal in the McGahn case (again), Bill sodding Barr,, Russian bounties on US soldiers and so on. She has an insanely stressful job at the moment, her staff too, and it seems more than reasonable for staff/her to ask a professional in the industry about the regulations on salons, when such regulations were pretty confusing to most people last weekend anyway. Nancy’s only apparent “crime” in this instance was to trust the word of the industry pro.

Then of course we have the “she’s not wearing a mask” portion of this debacle. Not one journalist has asked where the rest of the footage is. We see Nancy walk from the bowl to another room, wet hair, phone in hand, and the mask around her neck (slightly hidden by her chin), but we never got the footage of her walking to the bowl, or any other footage from what was definitely more than a 4 second long appointment. Could it possibly be that she had indeed been wearing a mask the rest of the time - that she wasn’t just wearing it around her neck as some sort of foulard meets choker fashion statement. People have asked, “Why did she pull it down?”, and to that I will say, probably any one of three or four reasons. She uses a clip at the back of her neck to secure her masks rather than the ear loops. Maybe it was in the way and the stylist asked her to pull it down. Maybe she had trouble breathing with her face covered and head back. Maybe she didn’t want to get it wet. The point here is that it was around her neck, suggesting that she had been compliant until that fateful video captured moment. The media again though have run with the Fox News narrative that she had no mask. For one, it’s actually visible in the footage, and two, they are blatantly disregarding what they themselves know to be true - that Nancy has been wearing a mask for the last five months. We have the footage and photographs to prove it, not to mention the press also know that she takes down her mask to talk at her pressers etc. The press are playing stupid on this point to satisfy some both sides need in an election that so far has Joe Biden with a good lead. Their wilful obtusity is purely to inject some drama into things on the Dem side for clicks because nothing at present is sticking to Biden. All this leads to me to the misogyny.

I caught part of a radio interview yesterday in which two male hosts had to have it explained to them as to why a woman in the public eye might need a hair stylist more than once a week. One of the men had been perplexed as to why if Nancy needed her hair done she hadn’t just got it taken care of in D.C. were salons are open. It never entered his brain that no amount of hair spray is going to keep a hairstyle in place for at least 3 days (when Nancy was last in D.C.), or that she might need to lie down to sleep, or that hair does actually need washed. Likewise, it never occured to either of them that Nancy turning up to an television interview with anything other than styled hair would be a news story in itself, because here’s the rub, women are damned for makeup and hairstyling and thought vain and shallow, and they’re damned if they don’t put makeup on and get their hair done, especially for television (we all remember the “omg” reactions when Hillary turned up to an event days after the election in 2016 with a bare face). The last couple of days have been full of this crap, with men (looking at you Don Lemon and the SF Chronicle editorial board) especially saying Nancy should apologise for the salon episode. Why should she? She did what any reasonable person would do and asked about the rules. Her error was to take the salon at their word, but by today’s logic the salon’s lie is Nancy’s fault. I have seen more than one man on Twitter admit the facts of the case and still say “she should take the hit”. Would they say this of a man who had been lied to, framed, and the footage sold to a hostile media company? I think not.

And then of course there is the salon owner herself. The stylist released a statement last night backing Nancy’s side of events up. He also revealed that the owner, so “outraged” by Nancy’s appointment, had in fact been opening up illegally since April, had been forgoing masks, and been forcing stylists to work. What also emerged is that the owner had let her licence lapse on the premises back in May (so Nancy had not ended her business as she claimed), and was in the middle of relocating to Fresno -- something the press have gilbly ignored as they report how she has been hounded out of town because of Nancy, and forced to move. Let me say this, not even the IRA at the peak of The Troubles could get people to move that quick, and they had guns. And then there’s the gofundme - which popped up less than 24hrs after she handed the tape to Fox. Naturally the blurb is a sorry tale of woe, of a supposedly single mother forced to move because of the evil Speaker of the House. No mention that she owns three salons, that she’d let the licence lapse on one anyway, is opening one in Fresno, loves her guns (and those ain’t cheap) and took a PPP loan of $12,000 wihilst operating illegally. By the way, at the time of writing this, the gofundme has raised over $80k for her -- which shows you how Trumpers will buy into any bullshit, and how Nancy is a fundraising powerhouse regardless of your party affliation lol.

I appreciate this has been a rather long read, and if you made it this far, thanks! Nancy didn’t do anything wrong other than take the word of a salon in good faith. Should she have known the regulations herself? Maybe, but she has the kind of crazy and stressful life most of us can’t even begin to imagine, and unlike the Presidency, the Office of Speaker doesn’t come with personal maid services thrown in, or a whole West Wing of staff. End of the day, once out of that office, Nancy has to do all that normal life stuff that the rest of us do - shop, go to the post office, buy clothes etc., and now in the Covid era get ready for tv interviews herself rather than a studio stylist do it. Her mistake was to trust someone who has it turns out saw a chance to have a moment of fame, stick one to the woman she ignorantly blamed for the lockdown, and make some money from gullible Trumpers. I don’t know how this story will play out in the coming days. Ice cream lasted a week, spurred on by the far-left and then the far-right. This may have more staying power as Trump desperately seeks some kind of mud to stick to Dems, and with nothing sticking to Biden at present, his 2016 playbook (and the even older GOP one) of blame a woman (in this case Nancy) has been deployed. The problem of course is that Trump isn’t running against Nancy -- but as the press have so depressingly showed, that fact hasn’t stopped them from elevating one trip to a salon above 180k+ dead, Melania using a prvate email server (!!!, I mean come the fuck onnnnnnn, this after 2016!!!?!?!?), or Trump telling people to committ a felony and vote twice.

[philipholt]

Looking back on Software Development in 2020 and forward to 2021

I think we can all agree 2020 sucked. Hopefully 2021 will be better.

I've been a remote worker for 13 years by choice but in 2020 I HAD TO DO IT because, well, most programmers and tech workers did. I wrote about how Remote work != Quarantine Work while our whole division and then the whole company moved back home! We were a fairly remote-friendly company before but I have to admit I didn't always think my coworkers had really deep empathy for the remote...until they, too, were forced to be remote.

Last week on the podcast, I got to speak with Amanda Silver. She's a CVP in the Microsoft Developer Division who has been coding and thinking deeply about coding for many years. She's leading the creation of tools like Visual Studio, Visual Code, Live Share, Code Spaces, IntelliCode, and other collaborative productivity products. She's always thinking about what coding will look like in 1, 5, and even 10+ years.

We talked about her thoughts on moving the division remote and whether it would slow us down. Would it change how we develop software? What about when everyone comes back? After talking to her about her thoughts on 2020 and where she thinks we're heading, I got to thinking myself and wanted to put those thoughts down.

2020 broke everything, and developers like to fix things

Somewhere in the spring as we started into lockdown, developers started making sites. Sites to track COVID, GitHub projects with scripts to scrape data and analyze it. Javascripters started making D3.js visualizations and codepen users started building on top of them. Bots on twitter would tweet out updates and parse new data.

When there's a problem - especially a scary or untenable one - developers run towards the challenge. Necessity breeds invention and 2020 was definitely a year where we were collectively reminded there was a bunch of stuff that was always possible, but we needed a push. Cameras and mics were upgraded, ring lights were purchased, home networks got fancier, and everyone who could called their ISP and got an upgraded plan. We could have done all this before, but why? Remote work happened for the first time in 2020, and I say that having worked remotely forever.

We HAVE to collaborate remotely now

Back in 2010 I spoke to PhDs at Microsoft Research about how people feel when they are remote and what they can do to be more connected. Ten years! Folks thought it was pretty "out there" but I sure needed my virtual cubicle buddy this year.

2020 accelerated what was possible with remote collaboration. I spent hours coding with Live Share, pushing text and coding context over the wire, not a ridiculous 4k worth of pixels. Having two cursors (mine and my friends) - or even 10! - in one Visual Studio seemed like magic. Even more magic is me pressing F5 and my coworker hitting their localhost and seeing our app running! We needed tech like this more than ever in 2020.

I heard one story where a company sent everyone home but folks had disparate desktops and laptops so they set up 100s of Virtual Desktops over a weekend so everyone was able to log into secure work systems from their home machines.

For us, since we use Github and Azure DevOps here in DeviDiv, our collaboration model is asynchronous and distributed whether we are in the office or not. Can you imagine everyone working remotely while using a locking source control system in 2020? I feel bad for those who are in that predicament.

Can something be BETTER remotely?

Many of us miss being in the same room with co-workers, and we will be together again one day, but are there some things that the constraint of being remote can make better? In the podcast episode Amanda said that our new hire bootcamp was so much better remotely!

She said (paraphrasing a bit):

We have a bootcamp for anybody who's newly started on the team. They actually fly out for two weeks. And the first week is introduction and the second week is our customer driven workshop. And our customer driven workshop is basically this really intense team project where you break up into groups of five to six people, and you're given a business assignment like - how could we double the number of Python developers using Visual Studio Code.

You're basically doing like stickies on the wall the entire week - that's how you collaborate. I've been so amazed that that has transitioned to be remote first. And it's better. It's better. That was a brainstorming process that I thought was only possible in person it's better.

When we moved remote, we had to essentially reboot the way that we thought about our meeting culture to actually make it much more inclusive. And if we go from 40 to 50% of the people participating to just 2 people participating, that's a huge, not only degradation, but you're wasting people's time. Right?

Now if we can actually take six people who've never met each other before and get them to work super collaboratively on a new problem area that they've never worked on before. It's incredible. And the thing that's also really awesome about it is they are forced by nature of the fact that this is remote to actually create it as digital content. Whereas in the beginning they would literally walk us through sticky notes on the wall and they had fantastic ideas, but it was really kind of somewhat unorganized and, and it was hard to be able to see and, and retain and share out afterwards what these incredible ideas were that they came up with.

But when remotely starts with this digital format by necessity because everyone is remote first, we actually now have all of these things archived. We can come back to them, we can go back and actually see, you know, what was the genesis of the thought and, and pursue a lot of these things that we really weren't being able to pursue previously.

Constraints breed innovation!

It was nice to be reminded that People are People

2020 normalized being a person. Having a boss welcome a sad child to sit with them during a meeting reminded me that, what, my boss is a person? With a life and kids? Having meetings while going for walks, talking about treadmill desks, and video called parties with family, and OMG when will this be over is the most horrible team building exercise ever.

It's forced us to rethink our group's culture, how our interpersonal dynamics work, how many meetings we have (let's have less), and it's given everyone the joy of somewhat flexible hours. We talk more now about 'is everyone in this meeting being heard?' than ever before. We use the "hand raising" tool in Teams to make sure all voices get a chance to speak.

If 2020 hadn’t happened, we may not have made these important leaps forward. MAYBE this would have happened by 2025 or 2030 but COVID was the pivot point that forced the issue.

Here's some other blog posts that are both reflecting on our last year and hopeful for the coming year:

Software Development in 2021 and Beyond by Amanda Silver

4 Open Source Lessons for 2021 by Sarah Novotny

Low-code Trends: Why Low-Code Will Be Big In Your 2021 Tech Strategy by Dona Sarkar

PODCAST: Living through 2020 as a Remote Developer

Sponsor: Looking for free secure coding training but don’t know where to turn? Check out Veracode Security Labs Community Edition to start hacking and patching real apps online. Try it today.

© 2020 Scott Hanselman. All rights reserved.

      Looking back on Software Development in 2020 and forward to 2021 published first on http://7elementswd.tumblr.com/

[spiders-n]

Tease Shirt

A headcannon struck when Z so graciously gifted us this image so I followed it straight to hell. 

Now on AO3

-----

Peter has been studying for his last final for what feels like years when his phone buzzes against the hard surface of the university library table.

MJ: Hey dork. I need a small favor.

Peter’s brow furrows.

Peter: Shoot.

MJ: I have been sexiled yet again

MJ: and while I would normally just kill time around campus for the next couple of hours I just finished my last final and I feel like if I don’t take a shower in the next 10 minutes I might not ever smell clean again. Would you mind if I came over and used your shower?

Peter couldn’t help the frown that slips onto his face. This is the 6th time MJ's been unable to get into her dorm since January because her roommate is having sex. She normally doesn't complain because she loves her roommate and is generally a huge supporter of any woman who actively claims their sexuality but she had let it slip to him once that she was beginning to feel like she spent more time avoiding her dorm than actually living in it. He doesn’t even need to think about it when he types out his response.

Peter: Of course, Em. You don’t have to ask, I made the extra key fob for a reason. I’m still studying for my Orgo Lab final but it’s all yours for as long as you need it. 🤓

Even though he was technically not allowed to, he’d taken his key fob apart in Mr. Stark’s shop and made duplicates for Ned and MJ to get into his building when it had become clear to them that his living arrangement in a newer dorm that gave each resident a private room and bathroom was, by far, the most agreeable place for the three of them to hang out.

MJ had used her’s a hundred times over the course of the last 9 months, Peter is sure, but there is something oddly intimate about letting her be there while he isn’t. When he'd typed his message, the only thing in his mind had been his memory of MJ during last semester's final season, exhausted and worn, and even Peter had to admit, looking a little worse for the wear. Now that he's paused long enough to push past that mental image and the immediate urge to fix it anyway he can, he thinks that perhaps saying "you don't have to ask" may have been a bit too much. He panics for a long moment, trying to remember what state he’d left his room in but eventually resigns his worries to the back burner when he remembers that MJ once saw him blow his nose with a sock and then proceed to leave the snot crusted sock on his bedside table for a week and has since managed to voluntarily and enthusiastically kiss him 59 times since (yes he’s counted). Either she was just as gone for him as he was for her or she had a serious lack of regard for the hygiene of others. 

He can't help the surge of excitement he always got when he and MJ crossed into any new territory in their relationship. He'd given her the key to his dorm as a friend and now she'd using it as his girlfriend and that felt very significant to him in a way he knew would make her fondly roll her eyes at him if he shared with her.  

MJ: omg I’m definitely taking a nap in ur bed and you can’t stop me!

MJ: also thank you

Peter squirms as he reads the first message and tries desperately not to think about MJ freshly out of the shower and in his bed.

He’s seen her just out of the shower twice in his life, and would be lying if he said they were anything less than moments that defined his teenage sexuality. The first time was when she accidentally got snowed in at May’s apartment one weekend in their junior year of high school. She'd stopped by the bring him his homework and decathlon flash cards after he'd missed school due spider-manning a little too hard the night before, and didn't get the chance to go home until Monday evening. That was the weekend she'd found out about him and also the weekend that he'd first realized that he was probably in love with her, a realization that came about largely because of how incredible she looked after her shower. He remembers the very confusing combination of feelings he’d felt when he’d seen May’s green stripped pajamas sticking to MJ’s still wet skin as she stumbled into Peter’s room from the steam-filled bathroom and shook out her hair from it’s bun. He’s still convinced that the whole scene happened in slow motion.

The second time was during their summer abroad after graduation. They were staying in a bunk bed laden Airbnb in south France with Ned and Betty and a couple other Midtown Tech graduates. Peter had been talking himself in and out of just finally asking her out all summer. They were practically already dating in that they spent most of their time together, wholeheartedly supported each other's hopes and dreams, and very routinely accompanied each other to various events that society required people to bring dates to. His only hang up was the unyielding fear that making things romantic would ruin the best friendship he'd ever had outside of Ned. That hang up was mostly stomped out when he saw her next that night. She’d stepped into the room in blue silk shorts and a matching tank top wearing, and Peter remembers this very clearly, absolutely no bra. She had water droplets sitting on her shoulders and arms as she wrestled her hair into a towel and she finally moved her body upright he could see the faintest sliver of exposed stomach resting just above the band of her shorts. It was, in Peter’s opinion, one of the most under appreciated Michelle Jones looks of all time. And Peter had very thoroughly appreciated it at least 4 times.

He glances back down at his Organic Chemistry text book from the screen of his phone, the page half hidden by the notes he’d been going over, and groans at the reality that he’s at least an hour away from an A on his final and more realistically two if he wants to walk in feeling really confident.

Peter takes a second to gather his will and silently reminds himself that even if he was with MJ in his room at that moment the most that was likely to happen would be some making out and co-napping since they hadn’t actually done anything more than that yet. His monkey brain then counters back at him that literally nothing in the world actually sounds as good to him in that moment than making out with MJ and then taking a nap and he’s back to grumpily looking down at his textbook.

It only takes a couple minutes of begrudging reading for him to actually gets caught up in the material and loose track of time for while. It's an hour after their original conversation that his phone buzzes and snaps him back into the real world.

MJ: How much longer do you think you’ll be studying? You should come nap with me.

And then the temptation to say fuck it and just chance getting a slightly less awesome grade in Orgo was back in full force. He takes a deep breath and pries himself away from the alluring thought of a warm bed and an even warmer MJ. 

Peter: The thought did cross my mind. I am probably another 45 minutes away from feeling very confident for this exam, though. Will you wait for me?

Peter hits send and forces his attention back to the material. Whatever the answer, the sooner he finishes studying the sooner he’ll be able to see her.

Five minutes later his phone buzzes and he flips it over to see that he has a Snapchat from MJ.

When he opens it his barely suppressed moan is caught in his throat. MJ is laying on his bed, hair twisted up into a towel, glasses on instead of her normal contacts, lips covered in his f a v o r i t e shimmery chapstick that tastes like mint, all of which would make Peter want to jump her bones even more than he normally does, but on top of all that she is very clearly wearing one of his shirts. One of his Stark Industries shirts.

He’s so overcome by the image that it disappears and he has to replay it again to read the text she’d left in small print over her shoulder.

“I’ll be here all night….” It read. At that Peter actually does moan at that. Out loud, and it turns a couple heads from near by tables. He doesn’t care though because this picture of a very cuddly and soft MJ in his fucking shirt literally waiting for him to get home is too suggestive for his over crowded brain to take. He closes his textbook with more force than is sticky necessary and shoves it into his backpack, scrambling to do the same to the highlighters and notebooks he’d spread around the table as well.

When he’s packed up he grabs his phone and texts MJ.

Peter: I’m coming home now

MJ’s response is almost instantaneous.

MJ: what happened to feeling really confidant for your Orgo exam?

Peter rolls his eyes and then grins. If she wants to play coy he can too.

Peter: it got really hard

He sends and then waits for her to open the message before typing again

Peter: to focus, I mean

MJ’s response lives in the gray dot dot dot at the bottom of Peter’s screen for what feels like ten years before she finally send it.

MJ: Maybe I can help you work it out…

And it’s the ellipsis at the end that forces him into action. Suddenly, before he can bully his brain into keeping up with his body, he’s out of the library and making his way steadily across campus to his dorm with the kind of speed that he normally only employs when he’s patrolling but he’s loathe to find a time that more desperately calls for such measures.

In the end, he learns two very important lessons.

The first is that there is nothing hotter than coming home to find your girlfriend spraying canned whipped cream directly into her mouth clad not only in your T-shirt but also in your boxers. And as he later finds out, absolutely nothing else.

The second is that you tend to test better when you take an exam after a post orgasm induced sleep. Who knew?

[dxmedstudent]

Weird Asks that Say a Lot  Meme...

My friend the wonderful @meanwhileonwednesday suggested I fill out Every even number for the 'weird asks that say a lot', so here I am. Thanks, friend! XD

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolates.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

At my first school? Artistically talented and perceptive (one teacher was very vividly impressed by my grasp of duck anatomy at like 5 years old). Then there’s the teacher at my new school who thought I had special needs because I was withdrawn (I was being bullied by most of the class, really); she was a new teacher and not really equipped to deal with that. By the end of primary school, I went back to being commended on my work ethic and smarts and artistic ability.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Hmmm I think my work clothes are mostly a formal/preppy mix. With a little bit of boho thrown in, particularly when I’m at home.

8. movies or tv shows?

I prefer movies, because they represent a lot less commitment (America, please stop giving everything like 17 seasons, I beg of you!), however TV show episodes are shorter and easier to slot into your life than a full movie.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

I was generally awful in PE. I liked benchball, can’t say that I was good in it, being yet another game where being short doesn’t do you any favours.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Either my Kickass playlist, or my Reflective playlist.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Starburst.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Curled up, on my side, in a nice big armchair with my legs hanging off the side. Surrounded by pillows, and probably a cat or two.

18. ideal weather?

Picture this: it’s a sunny day; warm but not too hot. Maybe around 24 degrees celsius. There’s a warm breeze; it’s not stifling, and it’s not cold enough to make you shiver. The trees rustle with the sound of the wind; change is in the air. You can go out in short sleeves, perhaps with the thinnest of cardigans if like me your metabolism basically died 300 years ago.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Depends on what I’m writing. I am the kind of ineffectual person who starts to write tings in a notebook, but also a couple of word docs. I have post- it notes for important things. I document ideas for my comic in a note/sketch book. I love doodling in my sketchbooks.

22. role model?

I never really had one, growing up. I guess the closest I’d get is David Attenborough.

24. favorite crystal?

My birthstone is ruby (which is red; my favourite colour!) however I also love opals; I love their irdescent (OK, opalescent, technically) sparkliness and the way they shimmer with lots of colours. I don’t see why everyone prefers massive diamonds when opals are like... so much cooler. I I don’t actually own any, but maybe one day I’ll be able to buy myself a nice one.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Go for a nice long walk, take lots of pictures, have a picnic in the park. No, I lie, my favourite activity is roping someone I care about into doing it all with me, and having even more fun. 

28. five songs to describe you?

Home - Ellie Goulding Fight Song - Rachel Platten Working Woman’s Blues - Valerie June Alive - Bird Set Free My Medea - Vienna Teng

30. places that you find sacred?

Already been answered.

32. top five favorite vines?

Alas, hard to name off the top of my head. I mainly know vines from various compilations.

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

Right now? Thankfully none of them.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

That’s impossible to say! Memes were a thing before internet memes became a thing. I’d say that ‘S’ shape we all drew in primary school? Nursery rhymes? Who knows.

38. lemonade or tea?

They don’t usually compete for my love, but i have tea more often than lemonade, purely due to availability reasons.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Some students climbed onto the roof.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Honestly? Skirt pockets. But being a woman, jacket pockets are usually woefully ineffectual and small. Trouser pockets are a bit better, but again usually small. Whereas if someone puts pockets on a skirt, they make sure they are actually proper pockets!

44. favorite scent for soap?

Maybe honey, or roses, or jasmine.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

A baggy pair of PJs; I’m a dress for comfort kind of girl. Particularly since the places I’ve lived haven’t always been great in the heating department. I’ve been known to sleep in a hoodie when it gets cold.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

I would like to be a berry, or maybe an apple. Something pinkish red. Sweet, and a little sharp.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Probably my little brother astounding me with how grown-up he is about things. He’s pretty awesome. Or my mum just saying something wildly, hilariously inappropriate XD

52. favorite font?

I love the Komika font family for my comic. I used to use Bookman Old Style, Book Antiqa, Georgia or classic Arial for essays and things like that, when they didn’t specify Times New Roman.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Always call the med reg if you are stuck, be nice to the nurses and always help each other. OK, I did lots of volunteering in hospital before FY1. In which case my

56. favorite tradition?

My family/culture have a specific tradition on the morning of an exam/interview/life event where you fill a cup with water and a couple of plant leaves (Slavs love putting greenery into everything). You place it at the threshold,  and give it a good kick it with your dominant foot. It symbolises your knowledge flowing, and I guess it’s a good luck charm.. You also aren’t meant to look back (literally); because you should be focusing on the task at hand. As a kid it was a comforting good luck ritual, and I don’t think I ever really grew out of it.

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I’m proud of my artistic skills, modest though they are. I enjoy creating, and I enjoy that I can make things to cheer up my friends, or things that people here can relate to.

By extension, I’m good with my hands, and that usually translates to picking up procedures and things like that pretty quickly at work. And yes, I love being able to get that cannula in (especially if it’s on the first go!)  when nobody else can. It’s a tiny, tiny thing, but it sparks a little joy. I can develop good rapports with people; which means I can help them to confide their problems, and can help them to feel better or to address things that are bothering them. It’s really mostly about listening and not being judgemental. I am proud that I can sometimes make people feel better, and feel listened to. I’m proud that I learned to try to work through my feelings. As a young person who was really quite stressed, I somehow learned how to apply what’s basically CBT to keep myself relatively sane, and I think it’s helped me a lot. It was only much later that I realised it was basically CBT when I was comparing notes with friends actually going through those kinds of therapies. I’m not perfect at it, and my mind tests me on a regular basis, but it helps.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

I don’t know what I’d like to be in? Maybe a Ghibli film. I think I’d like that.  When I was at school, a close friend of mine just turned around and said “OMG, you’re just like an anime character”, to fervent agreement from my peers. I guess they meant one of those chirpy, ditzy shojo anime characters. I can still see myself as some shojo series heroine; frantically trying to keep it together under the pressures of magical girldom, being romantically inept, trying to fight off the baddie of the week whilst learning lessons about getting along with each other, being helpful and not being mean.

62. seven characters you relate to?

Right now? Sophie from Howl’s moving castle, Princess Carolyn from Bojack Horseman, Miranda Otto from D. Gray-Man, Elinor Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility, The Red Blood Cell from Cells at Work, Kiki from Kiki’s delivery service, and Aggressive Retsuko.

64. favorite website from your childhood?

I used to love looking at other people’s art on Elfwood or Deviantart.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Today I’m feeling the answer is lilacs.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Ugh anything bitter.

70. left or right handed?

I’m ridiculously right handed, but I’ve learned to use my left hand more effectively because of procedures etc. I’m really good with my hands, but my right hand takes over like 80% of the work.

72. worst subject?

PE in school, biochemistry at university.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

At home, maybe a 3, because I don’t see the point in suffering needlessly. However at work I’ll do whatever it takes to keep functional including taking pain relief before it gets bad because I don’t want to have to deal with pain and an on-call. I’m not sure if the scale is logarithmic? I’d rate the worst pain that I’ve had 5 ot a 6, and that made me vomit and curl up into a ball and basically unable to do anything. But I can imagine pain that’s much, much worse than that was, so perhaps I just can’t thin

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

This kind of new potato salad my mum makes with onions. Raw onions are totally a trigger food for my IBS, and any time my mum feeds me anything full of onions, she’ll tell me I can take them out if they upset my tummy. And every single time I’ll pile even more onions into my plate because there’s no way I’m letting my gut dictate my life. Turns out, I’m even more stubborn than my IBS; I just don’t want to give up some of the foods that set things off. My GP once recommended a FODMAP diet, and having had a look at all the stuff I’d have to cut, I resolved I’d only start cutting things if my symptoms got really bad.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Honestly, I have no pretentions to snobbery. The best coffee is the one you get when you are about to collapse on a night shift, even if much, much better coffee exists in the world. And the best sushi is the plain supermarket one you get between on-calls to treat yourself, even if the one from a good restaurat is so much nicer.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

I wear a lot of jewel tones, but I also wear a lot of earth tones, and I don’t really see them as being in competition. Rock all the colours!

82. pc or console?

Phone. XD I don’t play much on either, mainly due to time. Phone has the benefit of being in my pocket when I’m at a loose end on the bus, or at my parents’. I don’t sit down and make time to play, I play games in the stolen minutes here and there when I don’t have much to do.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Classical music radio in the office (because it’s the most neutral), retro stations in the car (or whatever your guests would like), and podcasts at home when you are by yourself.

84. barbie or polly pocket?

I didn’t have a real Barbie (fairly sure ours were knockoff dolls) but I do have fond memories of making outfits for our toys. Though our favourites were always various little animal models who got into all sorts of adventures.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies, but it’s a close call. Really, I’d have to say biscuits, since I eat those more often than either of the above.

88. your greatest wish?

For myself? To be happy. For others? Ditto. 

90. luckiest mistake?

Getting into my first degree. Feels like I fell into it, but it set me off on a great path, and I don’t regret that my initial path was far from straightforward.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

All of the above.

94. favorite season?

That kind of Spring-Summer interface when all the plants are in bloom, and the weather is warm but not too hot, and the days are long.

96. desktop background?

Arietty’s bedroom from the Ghibli Borrowers film adaptation. I’m a sucker for ghibli aesthetic; usually because my rooms end up similarly haphazardly adorned with cool things. 

98. favorite historical era?

Every era has its own awesomeness. I feel very fondly for the regency period because of all the books I’ve read set in it, likewise the Victorian period. Though both aren’t without their problems. I realised that I style my hair like a Victorian; centrally parted with a neat, low bun at the nape of the neck. XD

I think that might be all the questions! Phew!

[putschki1969]

Hikaru Birthday Event 2018 – Live Report

So…since my last report was stupidly deleted by yours truly and I only provided a mini-report, I thought I would write a proper one for you now. This time around I am using google docs so I hope nothing will be deleted. Without further ado, let’s get to it!

The day of the event was my second day in Japan. I was still quite exhausted from my travels but oh well, it wasn’t too bad. I got up pretty early and met up with my friend Sai to line up for the merchandise. We were at the venue (Suntory Hall Tokyo) at around 10 am to make sure we got everything we wanted. Thankfully the wait wasn’t too bad since we were protected from the sun underneath the building. It was still humid as hell but pretty bearable. Some Japanese Kala-fans from twitter said “hi” to me and as always I was super awkward. Sorry!! Anyways, after the wait was over, we finally got to buy our goods. I bought pretty much everything except the towel because meh, I am not a fan of towels. So yeah, I got the white shirt with the pink triangle, the cap, the ticket file and the booklet\clearfile set. Here’s a sneak peek at the booklet in case you haven’t seen it yet 〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→ CLICK ME

By the way, the goods are available on the Space Craft Online Store since yesterday so be sure to get them quickly!! https://spacecraft-shop.jp/kalafina

Afterwards we headed to “La Maison Kioi” (the Kalafina SPICE interview location) to enjoy some cake. Then we headed to Shibuya to check out the Starbucks seat Keiko sat at in the 10th Anniversary Film. Just a while back, Hikaru had tried out a Calpis drink so e decided to have it too. The place (Afternoon Tearoom) was close by so that was very convenient. The lassi was certainly interesting, it had quite the unique taste, not sure I would order it again though XD.

Slowly heading back to the venue, we came across a bunch of fellow Kala-fans who had just gotten out of the afternoon event. We only heard good stuff so of course we were more than excited. At the venue we met up with lots of other Kala-fans and made some new friends. Then after another hour or so we were finally allowed inside. I delivered my letter and the ones by @theraspberrybushes and @mello-chi and then I went to my seat.

The event started on time…with a more or less unspectacular power point presentation regarding all the questions Hikaru had been asked in the questionnaire. I am pretty sure they used all the questions because there were at least 40 or something. No way in hell I could memorise all of that, especially since the questions/answers went by way too fast. Some random stuff I remember. • Hikaru’s favourite numbers are 2 and 7 • She owns around 1000 mangas • She can read a volume in about 30 minutes • If she hadn’t become a singer she would have wanted to become a mother in her 20ies • The type of character she likes in games: Men-tough; Women-peculiar and beautiful • The type of men she likes: Kind and calm • Favourite colours: Monochrome, blue and red • Favourite game: Momotaro Dentetsu • He favourite castle is Himeji • Her favourite characters in FGO are Gilgamesh and Shiki

Sorry, I can’t think of anything else. She also replied to my questions about recommendations in Toyama but she wrote like ten places or something and there was just no way for me to read it that quickly (especially since I suck when it comes to location kanji) But really, the questions weren’t exactly the highlight of the event but the most amazing part about this section were the childhood pictures of Hikaru which were randomly thrown in between questions. Like seriously the cutest pictures ever of baby Hikaru (and her little sister). Chibi-Hikaru was so freaking adorable, I could barely contain myself. We saw her wrapped up in cute winter clothes with her cheeks all red from the cold. With pig-tails!  (♥ω♥*) We saw her in her pjs at home watching TV.

Then she finally came on stage wearing the gorgeous outfit you saw in the blog post. The top is by IENA in case anyone is interested. Of course I ended up buying it because how could I resist???? http://zozo.jp/?c=gr&did=55355842

She sat down and personally replied to three more questions that were asked frequently. The first one was about her in-ear-monitors. Someone was curious what they always hear when they wear them. Hikaru explained how they work and how they tune out unnecessary noises etc. Next question was about which merchandise she designed was the most memorable for her. She didn’t actually reply to that question iirc but she used that opportunity to introduce this event’s goods. A staff member rolled up a cart with all the merchandise and she introduced them all similar to what she wrote in the Harmony countdown. Sakurada Hirotaka helped her come up with the goods so he deserves credit as well. She also explained that the colours of the shirts represented Kalafina’s origin colours. The final question was about mobile games and how much time she usually spends playing them. If she is into a game and there is an event going on, she will pretty much play all day long. As soon as she gets up, on the train, during breaks, in bed…until she falls asleep XD

Next up was the manga corner. I spaced out a little here. She always read a page out of one of her beloved mangas and then she talked about why this section felt so special to her. ・xxxHOLiC ・My Hero Accademia ・Tenshi Nanka Ja Nai

Please don’t ask me what she talked about. I have literally no idea. I have never heard of these mangas so it didn’t make much sense what she was talking about. But still, it was very nice to see her talk about her passion.

We played Janken afterwards and two lucky winners (one of them my friend Sai) got a present from Hikaru and got to go up on stage. While I can’t say I care much for the mangas they received as present, I would have killed to get a chance to go up on that stage. Oh well, turns out I suck at Janken. XD Somehow I completely forgot how to play it T_T

The Live

宝石-Houseki: WOW! Just wow! I didn’t know that this was the song Hikaru auditioned with. But hey, that explains why she was eventually chosen because man, she slayed! She sounded amazing! I think the song was slowed down a bit, yeah, it definitely was. Her performance was so powerful and tragic, she almost sounded like she was using elements from Keiko’s and Wakana’s voices. She had the same oomph as Keiko and yet there was a hint of tragedy (the same tragedy you usually get from Wakana). Flawless, absolutely flawless. Honestly, I am not even sure which version I like better, Hikaru’s or Keiko’s.

プラチナ-Platina: This is apparently one of her most frequently sung songs at karaoke. She absolutely loves it. It was an okay performance, I can’t say I like that song very much (it’s too cutesy for my taste) and I don’t think the song is particularly suited for Hikaru’s voice but Hikaru was super adorable and all smiles and she obviously had a blast with it so I was happy for her.

北ウイング-Kita Wing: Wow!! Just. Wow!! Hands down one of my favourite performances of that night. I had never heard that song before but Hikaru’s rendition was absolutely gorgeous. I just got to listen to the original version and OMG, they changed it SO MUCH. They slowed it down a lot and made it sound so much more tragic and sad. It left a lasting impression and I think I will have to buy it now. So beautiful.

CAT'S EYE: Sakurada wrote a special jazz arrangement for this song. I wish there was footage of this performance. Hikaru was so freaking sexy here. The way she moved to the lyrics, especially during that “sexy” line! Oh boy! Nosebleed!!! And it was a song I actually knew so YAY about that. If I remember correctly, I think it was actually one of the songs I voted for so double YAY.

ARIA: Finally, the song I had been waiting for. I obviously voted for this because it’s one of my all-time favourite Hikaru songs and I loved the 10th Anniversary version so freaking much (everyone else also voted for it so I kinda knew this would make it onto the setlist). This version was in a slightly higher pitch I think but not as high as the original version. She sang it with so much emotion, at this point I first started crying. Once again Hikaru mentioned that this song means the world to her and it has taught her so much. It’s always special if she gets to sing it and every version is different/unique. I was a bit sad because all the Wakana/Keiko/Kajiurago parts were left out. I had hoped she would sing that WaKei section after the bridge. It’s literally one of my favourite parts of the song because of the lyrics. But oh well, it was still a mind-blowing performance and Hikaru knocked it out of the park. She struggled a bit during the 10th Anniversary performance (especially during the final verse - although studio magic made sure it sounded well-rounded on the DVD/BD) but here she hit every note.

Blackbird: Hikaru mentioned that we would all recognise this song once we heard the chorus but meh, it seems I am the only one who has never heard of this song. Guess it’s because I have never really listened to the Beatles. Sorry to everyone who thinks that’s blasphemy or something. Either way, Hikaru made me really like this song although it will not become my favourite. Nothing about it was very memorable so I have a hard time remembering any details. I just know that Hikaru sounded really chill and cool. She obviously enjoys to sing this type of song.

Honesty: It’s honestly embarrassing how few songs I knew during this live. This was another one I had never heard before but boy, Hikaru made me fall in love with it immediately. I don’t know what it was about her performance but it was just so touching and emotional, it seemed like she meant every word she was singing. Everytime she sang “honesty” my heart broke a tiny little bit. The feels! Oh, the feels!!

Just the Way You Are: Can’t say I ever cared much for this song but once again Hikaru brought something special to it that made me appreciate how lovely this piece actually is. It really felt like she was singing from the heart. On that note, I would like to mention that her English pronunciation was really good during all the English songs. You most definitely understood what she was singing and she tried her best to emphasise each and every word. Very impressive. That’s certainly not a given with Japanese artists. Although I guess we all know that Hikaru’s English is very good. After this song, Hikaru told the Japanese audience that even though they probably didn’t understand the English lyrics, she hoped she was able to convey the meaning through her singing (she was!!). She invited everyone to check out all the lyrics because they are all super beautiful.

魂のルフラン- Tamashi No Rufuran: I was one of the people who voted for Zankokuna Tenshi no These so when she started to talk about Evangelion I freaked out a little. Unfortunately she ended up singing this song instead. I haven’t really watched the series so I only ever knew the OP and nothing else. Can’t say this song left a lasting impression. I don’t remember much from it. T_T Sorry, Hikaru. And sorry to everyone who had expected a more throrough report. I think she struggled a bit during the high parts here but it wasn’t too bad.

History Maker: I am embarrassed to say that I once again didn’t recognise the song. It sounded familiar but I couldn’t for the life of me remember where it was from. I was confused because I thought it was a Western song but Hikaru had mentioned she would sing anime songs now. I was like, “ehh???” Only afterwards when Hikaru mentioned it was from Yuri on Ice I suddenly remembered. [I am definitely the most clueless person when it comes to anime] This was most certainly the most upbeat and fun song of the night. Everyone was hyped and Hikaru was running around the stage, trying to connect with as many people in the audience as possible. And it worked. So much power, so much strength. Simply amazing. She really managed to capture the spirit of the song. Can’t say I watched the anime but I know it’s about sports and figthing spirit and boy, after this performance I was SO READY to climb Mount Fuji XD (which is good since I actually did climb Mt. Fuji the day after). Once she was finished Hikaru told us that actually no one had voted for her to sing this song but since it’s one of her faves she thought it would be okay to include it, this was “Hikaru’s vote” so to speak.

sprinter: Hands down my favourite performance of the night. The lights were dimmed and all you could hear was Hikaru’s voice which was already brimming over with emotion. The arrangement was super slow, she sang pretty much all the lines (including Wakana’s and Keiko’s). She didn’t sing the Kajiurago parts though. When she got to the “kimi ni aitai…” part, the hall became completely dark and there was just a tiny light illuminating Hikaru. Her voice was raw and fragile and very quiet. She wasn’t even singing them properly, it was more like she was saying them to us. It’s hard to explain but it was utterly heartbreaking. Tears everywhere. She only sang that part once and I think that’s for the best because this way it was incredibly powerful. And even though you could barely see her face you could definitely hear her voice break. She ended the song with Wakana’s line, “I'm calling your name”. By the end of the performance everyone was in tears and you could see Hikaru wiping away a tear too.

That was the end of the live, Hikaru took a bow and thanked everyone. When she told the audience to give a big round of applause to Sakurada he started playing the first tunes of “Happy Birthday”. It was a bit awkward at first because Japanese audiences never know what to do in situations like that. But they caught on surprisingly fast and so everyone was singing for Hikaru. That’s when Hikaru pretty much broke down into tears and watching this made me cry even more. She desperately tried to compose herself afterwards but nope, she couldn’t. Whenever she started to speak, a new wave of emotions seemed to hit her. She had to use a towel to wipe her tears away. She said that she didn’t expect Sakurada to play the birthday song for her (although I think that’s not true because he apparently played it during the afternoon event too but I forgive her for that little lie XD). Oh well, whether she was surprised or not she seemed to be moved either way and that is the only thing that counts. She thanked us for coming, thanked us for making this night incredibly special for her and finally assured us that she would forever remember this evening and treasure it within her heart…during the whole time tears were streaming down her face. She hopes that the next time we all meet there will be less tears and more laughter. She apologised for crying so much (oh please, Hi-chan, never apologise for that!!!!) Then she left the stage and the audience was asked to remain seated until told otherwise. The individual rows were asked to wait in line and leave the hall one by one.

That’s when we all got our personal greeting and postcard from Hikaru. She was standing outside wearing the white shirt from the merchandise and she handed each and every person a handwritten note and thanked them once again for coming. The staff people were rushing everyone out but fans were able to talk to Hikaru for a milli-second. When it was my turn I was shaking and I started crying again. Hikaru smiled at me and gave me one of her English cards (like seriously, she even prepared English cards for her foreign fans! So thoughtful of her!). I told her that I was incredibly moved by her performance (as if my crying wasn’t indication enough) and it looked like Hikaru was about to start crying too but then I was ushered outside so I can’t know for sure. I was shaking so much and then and it took a few minuted to compose myself.

All in all it was a super special event and I am so glad I got the chance to attend it. Hikaru is a born solo performer and she owned the stage throughout the entire event. She made me fall in love with her even more. You could really tell how much she cared about her fans. Right now I am very grateful that she is there for us and wants to be close to us. This event and all her blog posts make me so very happy, you have no idea. My only regret is that Hikaru didn’t mention Wakana and Keiko during the evening event. Why did she only talk about them during the afternoon event? So unfair! But oh well, it’s not like I missed much. She basically just told the audience that they are keeping in touch and that she had received birthday geetings from both of them (duh! Of course she did! Did anyone doubt it?) and that Wakana regularly sends pictures of her plant babies. They are all doing their own thing now so I understand and respect their choice (yes, I think it’s their choice and they are not forced by Space Craft) to lay low and not mention the others too much. However, it’s still nice when they do.

Okay, that’s a wrap. Hope you enjoyed this and if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask

[janiedean]

streetsofme ha risposto al tuo post

“Anyone who think Kit is a good actor is an idiot. And there's so many...”

Kit Harington and Emilia are both the weakest leads in GoT. No matter whatever the fuck you said, it doesn't make it any less true. Lena Headey should take all the awards for this fucking thing along with Alfie Allen, Aiden Gillen, Stephen Dillane, Charles Dance, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Pedro Pascal, Maisie Williams, Peter Dinklage, Liam Cunningham... 

Sophie Turner is also weak acting, but Emilia and Kit are worse than her most of the Emilia and Kit are not bad actors, they are just the weakest leads in the cast.

@streetsofme ... wow, you really missed a fundamental part of that post or maybe even two, which were, let me quote back at you:

next time let me/us/whoever enjoy this guys’ acting in peace and keep your fucking opinion to yourself, because honest, if I could spend twenty years out of almost thirty of my life keeping my mouth shout about how much I hate HP to a) my rl friends, b) my internet friends and I could keep myself from informing them that I think it’s really bad under their posts or in their inbox or to their face because I’d be an asshole if I decided to shit on what they like, then you can pay me the same favor (or about anyone else) and not go around dissing stuff people like to their faces when they said openly they like them.

wow, you don’t like kit’s acting. great, amazing, 90% of the world agrees with you. I don’t. you probably didn’t bother to read half of what I wrote because ‘no matter WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU SAID’ so like, the fact that you show up in my notes bashing the guy’s acting when I specifically said in that post that it’s rude af especially on such a dumb matter as someone’s acting skills says a lot about how fucking rude you are, because I mean, you could have put it somewhat more nicely if you wanted to have a discussion. but nah, let’s do exactly what I said was rude af, right? :’D

also: I wasn’t talking about emilia (whose skills I’m not a great fan of but guess why, I don’t go telling emilia fans that according to me her acting gets in the realm of decent when she has scenes with iain glen only, because uuuh, I’m not an asshole and I don’t need to bash their favorite actress) and I wasn’t talking about sophie (who btw was not weak until she wasn’t playing the darth sansa version, she’s very good in s1-3, but never mind that), I was talking about kit.

but nah, you come into my replies - again - bashing three people you don’t like when I didn’t even mention two of them and you don’t know what I think of their skills.

also: welcome to the real world, acting awards don’t happen on merit 90% of the time or the oscars wouldn’t pick the *safe* choice once each ten choices unless it’s like, non-protagonist actors. I mean, you serious? I love alfie allen but he plays a character that the show has cut to secondary and he probably doesn’t even meet the time requirements to get nominated, when is he ever gonna get a nomination? if he didn’t get in in S2, he won’t get it at any point and it’s absolutely useless to complain about him getting sidelined when emmys = publicity and obviously they’ll send the names that cash in. it’s called real world.

also, congrats on the incoherence, because:

Lena Headey should take all the awards for this fucking thing along with Alfie Allen, Aiden Gillen, Stephen Dillane, Charles Dance, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Pedro Pascal, Maisie Williams, Peter Dinklage, Liam Cunningham... 

ah, wait a moment, who got nominated out of the males at the emmys in season three, where NCW most definitely deserved it? hmmmmmm PETER DINKLAGE, who won an emmy for tyrion at least twice (s1/s4) and who always gets nominated because tyrion is a fan favorite and at least once he was preferred to someone else who had had more to do that season - ie, NCW. but now if NCW gets passed for peter dinklage it’s okay because peter is a Good Actor TM and kit is not?

also, who got nominated for best non-protagonist last year or two years ago? LENA HEADEY AND MAISIE WILLIAMS. they won? no. but spoilers, neither did kit, so what the fuck?

but other than that, let’s go over how fucking incoherent is your choice of names for rebuttal.

alfie: plays theon. everyone hated theon until s5. got himself cut off his storyline in S5. didn’t have a chance to show his skills as a main character since S3. no way he’s getting nominated because a) time requirements, b) AUDIENCE POPULARITY;

aiden gillen: .... so aiden has been playing LF in exactly the same way, because excuse me the last three season he was going on automatic, with a shit incoherent script that makes him look like a maniac without a plan, and he’s not even a main-main but of course, they should totally send him for awards because publicity, right?

stephen dillane: lol. dillane hated being on the show, d&d treated him like shit and stannis had passable writing in S2, from S3 onwards it was obvious they didn’t know what to do with him and they came out with the most ooc/ridiculous way to have him dying, do you really think they were gonna send in DILLANE FOR AWARDS? in which world do you live? also, stannis has been dead since S5. kit got nominated for S6. period. wtf?

charles dance: charles dance is an excellent actor but I doubt he needs an emmy for got out of everything and he’s been dead since S4, kit has been nominated for S6. again, also for what were they gonna nominate him? tywin isn’t main enough for an emmy nomination;

NCW: WELL, they could have nominated him in S3 which was his moment to shine, they passed him for dinklage and jaime’s character development has been fucked to hell and back since the end of S4 and he doesn’t even have the OMG AMAZING VILLAIN rep lena has, so like......... sure as hell they didn’t pass him for kit, because in s6 kit had definitely more to do than he did, and we’ll get there in a moment;

pedro pascal: he was there for one season. in which he died. kit’s been there since S1. and it was S4. kit got nominated for s6 only. pedro is not on the show anymore. but okay;

maisie: SHE ACTUALLY GOT A NOMINATION SAME AS LENA ABOVE SO;

peter dinklage: HE WON TWO AND GOT NOMINATED EVERY OTHER YEAR EVEN FOR YEARS WHEN HE LITERALLY HAD FUCK TO DO  like S5 so they’re doing exactly what you say they should;

liam cunningham: .... liam is a national treasure and I <3 him but are you seriously, seriously thinking that for publicity they’re sending the actor who plays davos? like? davos is in my top 5 characters period but he’s not the kind of challenging character to play that gets emmy nods and like tywin, he’s main but not main enough.

so like, everyone you mentioned either got nominated or won or got noticed or has no chances period because that’s not how emmys work.

and btw, kit hasn’t *won* the one time he got nominated so it’s not like he took the prize from someone more deserving if that even matters, but anyway:

kit was nominated for season six. if you had bothered to read above you’d have remembered that S6 had resurrection, sansa reunion, battle of the bastards where he performed his own stunts for the entire thing and excuse me if that’s not a demanding performance and that it came after S5 where his sl was the only decent thing in the entire mess and where he played it imo perfectly, and he also had a ton of material to work with. and - he was the main character, and he had way more challenging material than NCW, peter or anyone else you mentioned. so he got an emmy nod because he carried the entire thing on his back whether you like it or not and because he worked his ass off to film one hour of pseudo-realistic battle scenes where he did his own stunts and wow, they dared nominate him when he actually put some serious effort into it same as he does since S1 and actually improves/works at the craft and has steadily improved, but hey, he totally shouldn’t get a fucking nomination because you don’t like his acting? well, I see his. where is yours? :’D

like. you think he’s a weak actor and you won’t even read why according to some people he’s not? fine, but no one has asked for your opinion especially when put in such a fucking rude way and next time you can keep that for yourself, including all the opinions you have on sophie and emilia because I’m not here to do the kind of blogging where I put actors against each other or shit on people I don’t like. or if you really feel like informing me, do bother to not refer to the entire thing that it took me one hour to write as ‘whatever the fuck you said’, because if you wanna have a discussion, reading what the other person said should be the damned starting point of it.

and next time look at the more deserving people you list first because you managed to pick a handful of names that in that context made no bloody sense. and for that matter, you totally forgot that they didn’t ever give michelle fairley a nod when imo she’s miles better than 90% of the girls in the show (I love most of them but fairley is a whole other level of being good), but hey, catelyn wasn’t flashy enough, right? and fyi if they had nominated richard madden in S3 I’d have entirely agreed because the only reason I didn’t quit the damned thing was that he was good enough at playing robb that he made me forget the script was mauling him 80% of the time, but I imagine that since richard is also very good-looking he can’t act, too, and it’d have been taking awards from the more deserving again, hm?

and tbqh aiden imo was way weaker than kit for the last three seasons of this mess of a show imo, because every time LF did something it made no sense and his plot was fucked to hell and back and whenever it was around the plot sucked and he was there playing always the same character the same way without going back or forward, kit instead has gone forward, had good writing and carried the entire thing professionally/solidly, but hey, what have you. it’s named subjective opinions. do I go tell that to aiden or lf fans? no.

next time either discuss this like an adult or fucking scroll by. thank you.

[were-cheetah-stiles]

The Summer Fling (Chapter 6) - Dylan O’Brien

Author: @were-cheetah-stiles

Title: “John F. Kennedy International Airport”

Relationship: Dylan O’Brien x Reader/OFC

Author’s Note: Welp, it’s 4:47am, and this will post at 10, my dedication to you people borders on lunacy. I hope you like it. I’m sorry if it’s not my best, I am tired. 

Summary: Dylan picks Y/n up from the airport after her trip to visit family for the Fourth of July and deepens their connection and trust.

Chapter Five - Chapter Six - Chapter Seven

Dylan O'Brien:  You come home tomorrow morning..... :)

You:  omg... i do?!

Dylan O'Brien: haha shut up.

Dylan O'Brien : Um, did you have plans for tomorrow when you get home?

You:  i land at 6pm and i was just going to take the airtran from JFK to Jamaica and I was going to take the subway from there, why?

Dylan O'Brien: Do you have any interest in seeing Spiderman?

You:  tomorrow?

Dylan O'Brien:  Yeah, if I came out and picked you up from the airport, would you be in the mood to see the movie with me that night?

You:  you're gonna drive all the way out from the Montauk to Brooklyn to get me from the airport to then see a two hour movie and then drive three hours back to the Hamptons and not fall asleep and crash and die....

Dylan O'Brien: Well when you put it that way... Yeah, I still want to see you.

Dylan O'Brien: And I want to see Spiderman :)

You: :)

You:  well, i want to see you, so if you really want to do all of that, then yea. I'll see Spiderman with you tomorrow night.

Dylan O'Brien: i'll see you at JFK at 6. text me when you land and send me your flight info?

You:  okay. goodnight, Dyl.

Dylan O'Brien: Sweet dreams, Y/n. I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Dylan sat in Julia's car, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and jiggling his leg, idling in the cellphone lot, staring at his phone, mentally trying to will it to light up. You had landed ten minutes before and said you would be quick once you got off the plane since you knew JFK so well. Dylan couldn't take the anticipation anymore. He had too many thoughts running through his head. Do I kiss her? Do I get out and help her with her bags? Of course you get out and help her with her bags. Don't be a dick. Then maybe you kiss her. Jesus fucking christ I want to kiss her again.Oh my god, I want a cigarette so badly right now. He got out of the car and paced next to it, until his phone vibrated in his hand.

Y/n Y/L/N:  just walked past baggage claim. i'll meet you in the center pick up lane towards the end. there are always less people towards the end.

Dylan jumped back into the car and took off, going a little faster than he should through the winding airport roads. He saw you standing exactly where you said you would and he pulled the car up. Your face lit up with a smile as you saw the now familiar vehicle, and Dylan walk out and towards the back to meet you.

"Hi. How was your flight?" Dylan asked, pulling your duffel bag off your shoulder and tossing it into the trunk, as you did the same with your backpack.

"Good. Short. How was the drive out here?"

Dylan closed the trunk and stared down at you, smiling and laughing nervously. "Good... Long... But worth it."

You thought for a second that he might lean down and try to kiss you again but the entire moment was ruined by the sound of the guy trying to get his minivan out from behind Julia's car laying on his horn. You whipped your head around as the deafening honking continued and your inner New Yorker came out. "WE GET IT, ASSHOLE! Enough!"

Dylan laughed and stared at the guy in the car gesticulating unkind things with his hands at you. "Okay, maybe we should just go."

"So chicken soup dumplings, huh? Am I going to hate this?" Dylan stared at the menu in front of him and then glanced up at you.

You smirked, reached across the table, pulled the menu out of his hands, placed it on top of yours and handed it to the waiter with a kind smile. "You're going to love it. We're going to do one chicken, one pork, and one Singapore mei fun with no shrimp... and extra chicken?" You glanced at Dylan and smiled. The waiter nodded, and walked away. "So I may have watched something that you were in on the plane home." You admitted, returning your full attention to Dylan.

"Oh fuck, don't tell me this. I've been living in blissful denial thinking that you hadn't seen any of my stuff. What'd you watch...?" Dylan squinted at you, half-faking physical pain over the conversation.

"Deepwater Horizon... but if it makes you feel any better, I didn't watch it for you."

Dylan started to snicker and furrowed his brow. "What do you mean? Who'd you watch it for?"

"Gina Rodriguez, obviously." You grinned, and Dylan laughed loudly.

"Oh! Obviously!" He mocked you, still laughing, holding his hand against his stomach as his giggles filled the small restaurant.

"I don't understand why you're laughing. She is the fucking greatest. Jane The Virgin is the best show on TV." You teased him.

Dylan threw his hands up in the air. "Okay, Teen Wolf and I will just go fuck ourselves." He joked, leaning his elbows against the table, and smiling at you.

"But really, does she just like, smell incredible and also just exude Latina goddess vibes all the time or just some of the time?" You smirked, leaning forward towards him.

Dylan shook his head and laughed. "Oh shut up."

You let him off the hook finally. "Okay, okay. In actuality, I mean, I do love Gina Rodriguez, but you were pretty spectacular in it, and the movie was really well done. I sort of cried a little at the end when you were with your family again at the hotel, and then Mark Wahlberg's character just collapses on the floor of his room with his family and they all cry. The whole thing was just a tragedy, but you all did it justice, I think.." You explained your feelings on the movie.

Dylan stared down at the food on the table in front of the two of you, and watched you smile at the waiter, silently thanking him. He was feeling bashful. It didn't matter how many movies or shows he'd make, he assumed that he would never really get comfortable receiving praise, especially from people who he knew well. "Well, thanks. That's a good review. You know, the coolest thing about that shoot was that I got to learn about this whole industry that I just knew nothing about previously. Those guys have incredibly difficult and dangerous and physically exhausting jobs, and they taught us a lot of the stuff that they do, and it was really humbling to spend time with those guys; the real guys, I mean." You wanted to respond to Dylan but you had stuffed a soup dumpling in your mouth and you couldn't chew fast enough. Dylan took a bite of one of the chicken ones, and then took the opportunity to change the subject. "Okay, you were right, these are amazing. Holy shit." He stuffed the rest in his mouth.

You covered your mouth as you laughed, trying to make sure no food shot out across the table at him. "I told you I wouldn't steer you wrong."

"So I have a confession to make too." Dylan said, after swallowing his food and taking a sip of his root beer.

"Oh?" You smirked at him. He was so handsome. He nodded, and pushed up the sleeves of his deep red plaid shirt, then moved his hands to readjust his baseball cap on his head. He always wore one in public because he didn't want to be recognized, but you always thought it was funny that he did it in Queens since literally no one ever really bothers celebrities when they see them out in Manhattan, let alone in Flushing.

"I may have bought HBO and watched two episodes of the second season of Game of Thrones while you were in Kansas." Dylan sheepishly smiled, and then broke out into full on laughter as your face devolved from shock into fake anger.

"How could you?" You brought your hand up to your chest, and pretended to be disgusted with him.

"Listen, it rained one of the days you were gone and I was so bored and I also really wanted to know what happened to Arya once Ned died, but I literally couldn't watch more than two because I felt so guilty watching without you!" He admitted.

You laughed. "It's okay, it's okay. I'll let it slide this one time." You smiled up from behind your chopsticks.

"Um.." Dylan rubbed the scruff on his chin, and struggled with getting his sentence out. "Were you planning on coming back out East this weekend?" He asked, quickly placing another soup dumpling in his mouth out of nervousness.

You grinned and nodded. "I was thinking about it but the weather is supposed to be kind of shitty, so that stinks."

"Well, if you came, and it rained, maybe we could finish the second season together...?" He proposed, and you nodded with a smirk.

"Just admit it, O'Brien. I got you hooked, and now I'm going to be stuck watching Game of Thrones with you for the rest of the summer." You pointed your chopsticks at him in a playful manner, as you teased him; going out on a limb by implying that he might want to spend the rest of the summer hanging out with you.

"Oh, as if you have anything better to do than watch Game of Thrones with me this summer." Dylan poked fun right back, but didn't dispute your comment about spending the summer with him. He reached down and shoved another chicken-stuffed soup dumpling in his mouth, his cheeks puffing out as he chewed.

You stabbed around the pork dumpling on your plate and thought about how to approach a topic that you had been wanting to talk to him about. "What are your plans for this summer?" You asked somewhat trepidatiously.

"What do you mean?" Dylan mumbled in between bites.

"I don't mean to pry, I know we've only hung out a few times, but why are you here for so long? Don't you have jobs or, like, auditions or movies you want to make or something?"

"You mean, why am I not in LA with all of my friends, instead of hiding out at my sister's beachhouse with her college friends?" Dylan rubbed his fingers through his scruff, scratching for an itch that did not exist. You had made him uncomfortable; that much you had figured out. You had picked up on his social cues pretty quickly, and the face touching meant nervous or uneasy. "Honestly?" Dylan looked up at you, and contorted his lips to the side. "Did Julia tell you anything about why I'm here?"

You nodded slowly. "At Boardy Barn, the first day I met you, she told me you had just gone through a break up." You thought you knew the details: him and Britt Robertson had dated for six years, on and off, and you assumed it just wasn't working out anymore.

Dylan laughed uncomfortably, and pushed his fingers from his beard, up into his hair, slowly dropping his hand back to massage the back of his neck. He stared down at his plate, as his elbow was still connected to the edge of the table. He glanced up at you from under his long, thick brown eyelashes. "Of course she told you. She is the worst with secrets."

"She didn't tell me anymore than that, and you don't have to either.. if you don't want." You leaned back against your chair, and folded your hands in your lap, resting them on the top of your napkin. You felt both bad for making him talk about this, and also hopeful that he would, as you were incredibly curious about what his status was. You were extra curious tonight since you still weren't positive whether or not this particular dinner and a movie was a date or not.

"No, no, it's okay. Honestly, Jules told me a little about your boyfriend from BC, so I think you'll probably get what I went throu-"

"She cheated on you?" You interrupted Dylan, suddenly leaning forward, your heart racing over the thought.

Dylan nodded slowly. "Do you know who KJ Apa is?" You shook your head. "Have you heard of that new show, Riverdale?"

"Oh yea, it's like the new craze. Is he in it?" You asked.

Dylan nodded. "He plays Archie."

The image of who he was talking about suddenly became very clear in your mind. You could see his fire-cone orange, poorly dyed hair on the promo shots you had seen in the subway, in your head. "I know who you're talking about."

Dylan sighed and went back to rubbing the stubble on his face, staring down at your hands, one rested against your chin, and the other in the crease of your arm. He liked your hands ever since he got to hold them and feel them against his skin. Just the sight of them was something nice to distract him from the distressing topic. "Well Britt, my ex, and KJ did a movie called A Dog's Purpose together in August of 2015, and they played a couple and I guess they hooked up on set a few times, but nothing came of it. I was filming season five of Teen Wolf at the time, and yea.. I don't know. So then they spent all of this time together again promoting the film before it came out, and they started a relationship. A friend of mine accidentally found out, and uh, Britt was sort of forced to tell me or have me find out from my friend, so she told me, and we broke up."

"When did you find out?" You asked, trying to ignore the sickly feeling in your stomach, as Dylan's story brought back painful memories for you as well.

"February." He replied.

You wondered if four months was enough time for him to start to get over someone that he dated for years. You doubted it, and the pit in your stomach grew larger and more uneasy. "I'm sorry. I do get what you went through, and it's horrible. It's one thing to be broken up with and hurt, it's a whole other thing to be betrayed." You shook your head and stared at the small candle flickering in the middle of the table. "Wait, isn't Riverdale based on Archie's Comics, meaning, that they will probably be at ComicCon?"

Dylan nodded slowly, a serious look resting on his normally jovial face. "Yep. I am not going to be sticking around there much that day. I just don't need that kind of bullshit in my life, you know?"

"Fuck. I don't blame you. I am so sorry, that is all just fucking awful."

Dylan pursed his lips together, and readjusted his hat back over his head. He glanced up and noticed that you were staring down at the table in between the two of you. He could tell that he had bummed you out. "It's okay. The first month sucked, but then I flew out to South Africa in March to finish filming for the last Maze Runner movie, and being around my friends and being somewhere new. It was all really helpful, so when filming was wrapping up at the end of May, I decided I didn't want to go back to Los Angeles, and Jules said I could stay with her in Montauk. That was starting to get a little boring and I was thinking about heading back to L.A., even if I did run the risk of running into one of them, but then I decided to stay." Dylan said, glancing at you from under his eyelashes, the slightest hint of a smile resting on his pink lips.

"Why's that?" You asked, oblivious that he was flirting with you.

Dylan laughed softly, that smile that shot you right through the heart every time you saw it, came back to his face finally. "Well, my sister introduced me to her friend from college, and that girl has turned out to be really smart and funny and sweet and she keeps sending me new music to listen to and new shows to watch and keeps trying to drag my ass out into the ocean to go surfing with her, and basically, in two weeks time, she has made this a fantastic summer and I've been the happiest I've been in a really long time." Dylan leaned forward on the table and lightly pressed his fingers against the back of your arm, and your heart began to race.

You rolled your lips back into your mouth, wetting them against your tongue, as you tried not to grin too hard. Your gaze went from Dylan's hand, softly caressing your skin, up to his caramel colored eyes. "Well, she sounds pretty fucking great to me, and definitely someone you should go surfing with."

Dylan laughed, and shook his head. "I have a feeling that she'll wear me down and get me back on a surfboard before the end of the summer."

"A girl can dream, right?" You smirked.

"I love the recliners. This has made my movie going experience so much more expensive and I don't even care because I love it so much. It's the ultimate in laziness." You slowly moved your hands away from each other, in front of you, as you uttered the word 'laziness'. You snickered, grinned and turned to look at Dylan as you finished speaking.

Dylan laughed and shook his head at you. "Next they're going to put full on beds in theaters and then you can pay fourteen dollars just to fall asleep halfway through the movie outside of your own home."

You laughed at Dylan's joke and adjusted in your seat to face him more. "That would be amazing, don't even joke... But in actuality though, you know what kind of sucks about these kinds of seats?" Dylan raised his eyes eyebrows and watched you look around at the seats. "You know when we were teenagers and like you brought the person you liked to the movies and, in the fancy ones at least, the armrest went up and the guy could do like the 'yawn and stretch'? Like, teenagers can't do that crap with these sorts of seats because the armrests don't go up."

"What are you talking about?" Dylan chuckled and shook his head at you.

"OH COME ON! You said a little loudly over the commercials playing on the screen before the trailers started. "You know what I'm talking about... The 'yawn and stretch'... the thing where the guy pretends to yawn and stretch and he actually puts hi-"

"Oh..." A mischievous smile broke out across Dylan's scruffy face, as he suddenly yanked at the armrest divider in between their seats, pulling it up and moving it out of the way. "...you mean this yawn..." Dylan faked a huge and obnoxiously adorable yawn, his fist pressed up against his precious turned up nose. "and stretch move?" He finished his sentence as he stretched out his arms above his head and brought his right arm down on the back of your shoulders.

You blushed furiously, but cozied up closer to him before looking up at him and cracking one final joke. "Ew. Gross.. You have cooties." You said in your best silly adolescent-mocking tone, a smirk resting on your mouth.

Dylan laughed and adjusted his baseball cap with his left hand. You could tell he was nervous. You sat in an awkward silence for a few short moments before Dylan finally spoke up again. "I'm really glad I came all the way out here for this... to hang out with you... and give you my cooties."

You threw your head back against his arm and laughed loudly. He made you feel better about your lame joke, and about your intimate pose. You rotated onto your side more and bent your knees so that they were touching his right leg and Dylan reached his left hand down, and pulled your left hand off of your lap. You watched his eyes watching his hand intertwine its fingers with yours and finally rest on his stomach. His thumb gently rubbed the back of your thumb and you rolled your lips into your mouth in an effort to not attack him with a kiss.

You finally built up the courage to speak again, feeling like hours had passed by but you had barely gotten through the Pepsi commercial that was playing on the screen, so really it had been a total of fourteen seconds or so. Your smile softened and you slowly met his gaze. "I'm really glad you came out to hang out with me too.. and that the 'yawn and stretch' still works out pretty well.."

Dylan squeezed your hand a little and you nuzzled into his side more comfortably. He pressed his tongue between his lips gently and gulped softly. "Is it cheesy if I ask if I can I kiss you again?"

Your heart practically leapt out of your chest and your soft smile widened into a full on, blinding beam of pearly white teeth. That was all you wanted to hear from him. Those kisses from the night of Julia's party were all you could think ever since they happened. You slowly nodded and watched as Dylan turned his head to the side, vigilant to not bump you in the head with the bill of his hat, and connected his lips with yours. It was a soft and sweet kiss at first. One that ended with the feeling of Dylan's smile pressed against your mouth. You reached your right hand back towards your shoulder and connected it with his right hand. You quietly breathed each other in for a few seconds.

Dylan straightened himself out and pressed his lips against yours again. Your bottom lip was tenderly pulled between his lips and you broke your left hand away from his and pulled it up to grip around the back of his neck as the kisses grew in passion and intensity. Dylan's newly free left hand snaked across his body and hooked behind the bend of your leg, pulling you slightly on top of him.

"Welcome to Regal Entertainment.... Refreshments are available in the lobby..." A booming voice startled the both of you out of your embrace, as you realized that the lights had dimmed, the advertisement for the company that owned the theater began to play, and the trailers were about to start.

Dylan watched as you pressed your slightly swollen lips together, the corners curved up into a smirk, and you dropped your hands back to your lap. He smiled back at you and leaned forward to leave a quick kiss on your cheek. You giggled just loud enough for him to hear and he swore he felt butterflies fill his chest. He kneaded his large thumb into the side of your knee and you snaked your hands over his left arm, gently brushing the thick brown hair on his arms with your fingers. You relaxed your head against his shoulder and chest and he relaxed his head on top of yours. This was bliss.

"Are you a talker during movies?" Dylan whispered down to you.

You leaned off of his body, looked up at him and contorted your face in a wishy-washy manner. "Sort of? Sometimes? It depends. Small commenter, maybe."

Dylan grinned. "Good. Me too. Now get back over here, you small commenter. I wanna see what movie I'm going to take you to see next." With that comment, and the trailer for Dunkirk beginning to play, you leaned up and pecked him on the lips.

"This one." You pointed at the screen blatantly. 

"Hell yes. I love Harry Styles." Dylan joked and you laughed and shook your head against his shoulder.

Dylan's smile spread from ear to ear and caused his eyes to slightly shut as his high and prominent cheekbones involuntarily shut his bottom lids up towards his top lids. He couldn't help but smile that big. You were holding his hand, dragging him through the crowds exiting the theater, and excitedly chattering about Spiderman. It was the cutest thing he had ever laid his eyes on.

"SUIT LADY! How fucking funny was the suit lady bit? When she was like 'activating instant kill mode' and Peter was like 'hold up, suit lady say whaaaaat?' and oh my god the scene where he's like swinging through the rooftops and he sees the guys at the halal cart and the guy on the ground is like 'do a flip, Spiderman!' and he's like, 'dope, totally.' and does it. Oh god. I loved like every second of that movie, and oh my god Michael Keaton was amazing! How insane is it that you got to work with him. Like, holy shit." She turned back to look at him as they walked back to the subway, still hand-in-hand, and realized that she had been incessantly chattering for at least five minutes without hearing him say a word. She had annoyed him into a walking coma. "Sorry... I kind of..."

"You liked it?" Dylan asked with a smirk, as you both descended the steps into the subway.

You furrowed your brows into a fake-pained smile and laughed. "YES! Oh god. I'm the worst. I really did love it. I am such a nerd. You weren't supposed to find that out yet, and I have just been rambling, and okay. I'm stopping. Shutting up now. What did YOU think?" You leaned against one of the steel support beams on the platform as you waited for the train to get to the station, and you watched as Dylan smiled and leaned forward towards you.

Suddenly, his hands were dipping underneath your y/h/c hair, his thumbs pressing against your jawline, and his lips were crashing into yours again. You brought your hands up to wrap around his muscular wrists and you leaned into the kiss. He finally broke away, but left his hands where they had been. He sighed.

"I think I was worried that you were going to think I was a huge comic book and Spiderman geek, but your 'small comments' were like, 'I wonder if Donald Glover is supposed to be Miles Morales' uncle' and 'I love how Peter has his own Jarvis' and it suddenly became one of the best times I've ever had watching a Marvel movie with someone else. You really are a huge nerd." Dylan grinned down at you and you blushed.

You leaned up, standing on your tip-toes, and pulling at his wrists, and pecked him on the lips. You heard the train come screeching to a halt and the two of you sat down on the periwinkle blue seats, your hands still connected. "Okay, so you liked my comments, but did you actually like the movie?" You asked him again.

Dylan nodded enthusiastically. "I fucking loved it. I was so glad that they didn't do another origin story again and that the cast was so young and diverse and Mike was so badass as Vulture." Dylan shifted in place, catching your attention. "You know, my biggest dream, besides become a Met, was to play Peter Parker. Like, I was Peter growing up, you know? I was this kid from New York City, who lived in an apartment and didn't come from a lot of money and was socially awkward and loved the Mets and.. also just wanted to be Spiderman.. He was my hero growing up." Dylan laughed to himself and shook his head. "And part of me was really upset that I missed out on this role, but also, like, Tom was perfect. He was such a great Peter, and honestly, he's the right age and I can't do all of those backflips and stuff - I'd break my neck or something. So, I was worried that I would be a little jealous, honestly.." Dylan made eye contact with you, and his voice got a little high when he said 'honestly', but it returned to his normal pitch immediately after. "... but I actually just fucking loved it from start to finish. I can't wait to tell Michael what I thought when I see him after comic con."

You and Dylan emerged from underground and he walked you back to your apartment building. You lived on the fourth floor in a two bedroom with your older sister and her fiancé, in a nicer part of Kew Gardens, Queens. Dylan leaned against the passenger side door of Julia's car, his hands wrapped around your waist, smiling down at you. The warm early July breeze whipped a few stray strands of your hair in front of your face, and you brought your hand up to push them aside. You then reached into your pocket and pulled out your phone. It was midnight.

"Dylan, wait, I.. I can’t let you go back to Montauk tonight. You probably won't get home until at least four, and I don't want you to f... I would feel awful if you came all the way out here to pick me up from the airport, just for you to drive home and like, die in a firey car crash because you fell asleep on the Long Island Expressway at three in the morning."

"I'll be fine. I'm not even that tired." Dylan said, regardless of the fact that he had been yawning on the subway.

You shook your head, smiled and pulled on his arms. "Nope. I cannot have your fans coming after me when you die because I let you drive home this late. You're staying here tonight."

Dylan stifled a yawn. He was tired. "You don't have to, Y/n."

"Come on." You jiggled around in your pocket for your keys, one hand on the cold and jagged metal, the other placed in his behind you. You weren't hearing protests from him, but you were still a little nervous because of his silence. You paused and looked behind you. "Only if you want to, of course."

"I am kind of tired..." Dylan smiled softly, and you had to actively think about keeping your knees from buckling at the sight.

"Is that really what you sleep in though?" You asked as you walked back into your bedroom in a tank top and polkadot pajama shorts. Dylan was sitting with his back against your wooden frame headboard, in his white t-shirt and jeans, he had only taken off his plaid shirt, hat and shoes. "You would sleep in jeans? Really?" You smirked, as you milled about your room, picking the clothes off the floor, wishing you had straightened up earlier in the week like you had planned to but never got around to.

Dylan glanced down at his denim pants and raised his eyebrows. "Okay, no, of course not, but..."

"Don't worry about. Just, get comfortable." You turned around to put clothes in your drawers, and out of the corner of your eye, in the reflection of your mirror, you saw Dylan get up, pull his socks and jeans off and get under the sheets on your queen sized bed.

You turned around after a few more seconds, and smiled at him, then turned off the light. "You have HBO here?" He asked, and you grinned and nodded. "Wanna watch an episode?"

You laughed, and handed him the remote from your bedside table, then got under the covers next to him. "Sure. Just hit that colorful button in the middle.. yea.. there." You directed him on how to get HBO to work on your Samsung SmartTV.

The theme music to Thrones began playing softly in the background and you yawned, causing your nose to crinkle and Dylan to smile at the cute new habit he noticed. "Um, you could come over here if you wanted.." He offered, laying his arm against the headboard, on top of the pillow in between the two of you.

You smiled up at him, scooted your body across the mattress and waited for him to lay down a little further on the bed and extend his arm for your to snuggle against. You rested your head against the soft fabric on his chest and your left hand gently kneaded his right shoulder. He rubbed his right hand up and down the peach fuzz on your left forearm, and wrapped his left hand around your back and side. This was not how he was expecting his night to end, but at that point in time, Dylan didn't want any of the rest of his summer to end any other way anymore. He was developing feelings and trust and a natural comfortability with you that he wasn't sure he'd feel again after Britt. He had been especially certain that he wouldn't feel that again so soon, but there it was, butterflies, happiness, and a permanent smile because he really liked you.

Dylan leaned over and whispered in your ear. "Thank you for letting me stay tonight. I really didn't want this night to end, and I'm glad it hasn't yet." He was met with silence. Dylan pursed his lips, and leaned his head down towards the right side of his chest to peek at you. You were fast asleep, breathing softly against his chest. Dylan snickered quietly to himself. "So fucking cute."

He decided to finish the episode without you, with only twenty minutes left, and then go to sleep himself. He gently pulled you against him a little tighter, taking advantage of the fact that he didn't have to feel self-conscious about whether or not you still wanted to snuggle with him, because you were asleep. He brought his right hand up, and began very softly running his long fingers through your hair. You barely stirred; you were a very sound sleeper. Dylan yawned and felt his eyes becoming heavy. He did his best to reach down by his leg to get the remote to turn the TV off, without waking you, and suddenly the room went dark. He couldn't see you anymore but he did like that he could still feel your warm breath against his shirt and he could still smell the soft scent of your vanilla-scented shampoo and conditioner. He fell asleep with a content smile on his face and his crush in his arms.

Dylan rubbed at his eyes, and then looked around the room. It was gray and cloudy, but still bright enough out for him to see that you were no where to be found. He glanced around and noticed your phone was gone from your night stand too. "The fuck..?" He contorted his mouth, as he swung his legs around the side of the mattress. "This is a reversal. They don't usually sneak out of their own house. Aren't I supposed to be the one who sneaks out? Damnit."

"Were you trying to sneak out?"

Dylan turned around to face the bedroom door and saw a very drenched you, standing in the doorway in jeans and a soaking wet sweatshirt, with coffee and a white paper bag in your hands. He smiled, and then stood up next to the bed. "No, but I kind of thought you had for a second."

"I did sneak out, technically, but just to get us breakfast and not wake you up." You smiled and lifted the items in your hands, before approaching the bed and placed them at the foot. "I didn't know what you liked so I got a plain bagel with cream cheese, a plain bagel with cream cheese toasted, a bacon egg and cheese on a plain bagel and a sausage, egg and cheese, but that's mine."

Dylan grabbed the bagel with the bacon, eggs and cheese out of the bag, and a coffee from the cardboard carrier and smiled at you. "Thank you..." He placed a peck on your cheek, and his nose brushed your wet hair. "Okay, you need to change into something dry and get back under the covers with me so I can warm you back up."

You grinned and pressed your hand against his taut stomach. "Well, I'm not going to argue with that offer. I'll be right back." You pressed a soft and short kiss against his lips, turned to grab some clean clothes and ran to the bathroom to change. When you walked back in, Dylan was lying under your sheets again, with the food and drinks resting on his bedside table. "Do you want to watch an episode or two of Thrones and then head out east?" You proposed.

"Can we watch more at my house until I have to pick Jules up from the train station?" Dylan asked, remembering it was Friday and Julia was coming out from the city that night. You agreed happily and the two of you dug into your breakfasts.

"God, I fucking, like I know everything that happens, and I still HATE Joffrey. He's such a little psycho." You mumbled, while watching the fourth episode of the second season of Game of Thrones, and snuggling back up to Dylan's chest; much more awake than the night before.

Dylan chuckled and continued watching his thumb rubbing the back of your hand, instead of what Joffrey was doing to Sansa on the screen in front of him. "Would it be weird, or like too soon, if I told you that I really like you?" Dylan blurted out, no longer able to keep his feelings inside.

You shot your head up from the TV screen, to look at him, completely shocked by his question. Your smile went from stunned to huge and happy. You shook your head, and broke your hand from his to massage your fingers into his scruffy beard. "Not too soon because I really like you too." You admitted.

"Okay, well that is good because then I can do more of this and not worry about whether you're just being nice to me or not." Dylan reached his free hand up to your chin and pressed his supple lips against yours.

You spent the rest of the episode kissing innocently, your limbs rapped up together, until the end theme played.

Let me know what you think, but do not come at me with complaints about Britt. I just, it was only for the fic. I don’t, just, okay?

@fuckwhateverfuck @l4life @ninja-stiles @lightbreaksthrough @maddie110201 @hattyohatt @stilinski-stydia-obrien @iknowisoundcrazy @leilaelizabeth @itsannastasiabruh @5secsxofamnesia @awkwarddly @completebandgeek @chivesoup @ivette29 @sunshineystilinski @twentyone-souls @obrosey-af @anonimereader06 @yaehl @theneverendingracetrack @fillthevoid-stilinski @teenwolf2424 @redstringlovers @jademorris @mrs-mitch-rapp93 @dailyburritos @lolaversuslipstick @mieczzyslaw @im-very-odd33 @amethystmerm4id @anonimereader06 @itsamberh @eccentricxem @mayahart02 @susybird @sp00der-m00n @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @kittykayrose @ellie-bee242 @nocturnalzeal @alexhmak @sumcp @girlwiththerubyslippers

[suzanneshannon]

Looking back on Software Development in 2020 and forward to 2021

I think we can all agree 2020 sucked. Hopefully 2021 will be better.

I've been a remote worker for 13 years by choice but in 2020 I HAD TO DO IT because, well, most programmers and tech workers did. I wrote about how Remote work != Quarantine Work while our whole division and then the whole company moved back home! We were a fairly remote-friendly company before but I have to admit I didn't always think my coworkers had really deep empathy for the remote...until they, too, were forced to be remote.

Last week on the podcast, I got to speak with Amanda Silver. She's a CVP in the Microsoft Developer Division who has been coding and thinking deeply about coding for many years. She's leading the creation of tools like Visual Studio, Visual Code, Live Share, Code Spaces, IntelliCode, and other collaborative productivity products. She's always thinking about what coding will look like in 1, 5, and even 10+ years.

We talked about her thoughts on moving the division remote and whether it would slow us down. Would it change how we develop software? What about when everyone comes back? After talking to her about her thoughts on 2020 and where she thinks we're heading, I got to thinking myself and wanted to put those thoughts down.

2020 broke everything, and developers like to fix things

Somewhere in the spring as we started into lockdown, developers started making sites. Sites to track COVID, GitHub projects with scripts to scrape data and analyze it. Javascripters started making D3.js visualizations and codepen users started building on top of them. Bots on twitter would tweet out updates and parse new data.

When there's a problem - especially a scary or untenable one - developers run towards the challenge. Necessity breeds invention and 2020 was definitely a year where we were collectively reminded there was a bunch of stuff that was always possible, but we needed a push. Cameras and mics were upgraded, ring lights were purchased, home networks got fancier, and everyone who could called their ISP and got an upgraded plan. We could have done all this before, but why? Remote work happened for the first time in 2020, and I say that having worked remotely forever.

We HAVE to collaborate remotely now

Back in 2010 I spoke to PhDs at Microsoft Research about how people feel when they are remote and what they can do to be more connected. Ten years! Folks thought it was pretty "out there" but I sure needed my virtual cubicle buddy this year.

2020 accelerated what was possible with remote collaboration. I spent hours coding with Live Share, pushing text and coding context over the wire, not a ridiculous 4k worth of pixels. Having two cursors (mine and my friends) - or even 10! - in one Visual Studio seemed like magic. Even more magic is me pressing F5 and my coworker hitting their localhost and seeing our app running! We needed tech like this more than ever in 2020.

I heard one story where a company sent everyone home but folks had disparate desktops and laptops so they set up 100s of Virtual Desktops over a weekend so everyone was able to log into secure work systems from their home machines.

For us, since we use Github and Azure DevOps here in DeviDiv, our collaboration model is asynchronous and distributed whether we are in the office or not. Can you imagine everyone working remotely while using a locking source control system in 2020? I feel bad for those who are in that predicament.

Can something be BETTER remotely?

Many of us miss being in the same room with co-workers, and we will be together again one day, but are there some things that the constraint of being remote can make better? In the podcast episode Amanda said that our new hire bootcamp was so much better remotely!

She said (paraphrasing a bit):

We have a bootcamp for anybody who's newly started on the team. They actually fly out for two weeks. And the first week is introduction and the second week is our customer driven workshop. And our customer driven workshop is basically this really intense team project where you break up into groups of five to six people, and you're given a business assignment like - how could we double the number of Python developers using Visual Studio Code.

You're basically doing like stickies on the wall the entire week - that's how you collaborate. I've been so amazed that that has transitioned to be remote first. And it's better. It's better. That was a brainstorming process that I thought was only possible in person it's better.

When we moved remote, we had to essentially reboot the way that we thought about our meeting culture to actually make it much more inclusive. And if we go from 40 to 50% of the people participating to just 2 people participating, that's a huge, not only degradation, but you're wasting people's time. Right?

Now if we can actually take six people who've never met each other before and get them to work super collaboratively on a new problem area that they've never worked on before. It's incredible. And the thing that's also really awesome about it is they are forced by nature of the fact that this is remote to actually create it as digital content. Whereas in the beginning they would literally walk us through sticky notes on the wall and they had fantastic ideas, but it was really kind of somewhat unorganized and, and it was hard to be able to see and, and retain and share out afterwards what these incredible ideas were that they came up with.

But when remotely starts with this digital format by necessity because everyone is remote first, we actually now have all of these things archived. We can come back to them, we can go back and actually see, you know, what was the genesis of the thought and, and pursue a lot of these things that we really weren't being able to pursue previously.

Constraints breed innovation!

It was nice to be reminded that People are People

2020 normalized being a person. Having a boss welcome a sad child to sit with them during a meeting reminded me that, what, my boss is a person? With a life and kids? Having meetings while going for walks, talking about treadmill desks, and video called parties with family, and OMG when will this be over is the most horrible team building exercise ever.

It's forced us to rethink our group's culture, how our interpersonal dynamics work, how many meetings we have (let's have less), and it's given everyone the joy of somewhat flexible hours. We talk more now about 'is everyone in this meeting being heard?' than ever before. We use the "hand raising" tool in Teams to make sure all voices get a chance to speak.

If 2020 hadn’t happened, we may not have made these important leaps forward. MAYBE this would have happened by 2025 or 2030 but COVID was the pivot point that forced the issue.

Here's some other blog posts that are both reflecting on our last year and hopeful for the coming year:

Software Development in 2021 and Beyond by Amanda Silver

4 Open Source Lessons for 2021 by Sarah Novotny

Low-code Trends: Why Low-Code Will Be Big In Your 2021 Tech Strategy by Dona Sarkar

PODCAST: Living through 2020 as a Remote Developer

Sponsor: Looking for free secure coding training but don’t know where to turn? Check out Veracode Security Labs Community Edition to start hacking and patching real apps online. Try it today.

© 2020 Scott Hanselman. All rights reserved.

��     Looking back on Software Development in 2020 and forward to 2021 published first on https://deskbysnafu.tumblr.com/

[archivistsrock]

Tutorial for Tumblr gif sizes

Some people have asked for help on how to properly size gifs and edits when creating tumblr posts. So I’m going to try and explain it (in crazy detail!) here. It’s going to get complicated bc tumblr sucks, but please bear with me.

BASICS 1. You can have anywhere from 1 to 10 edits/gifs per set. 2. Each gif has to be under 3MB. If it’s bigger than that, they won’t move.  3. You can have anywhere from 1-3 gifs per row. (remember that row is –> and columns are  ↓ ) 4. All gifs in the SAME row have to be the same height. 5. The gifs in row 1 can be a different height than the gifs in row 2, etc. 6. Sizes:               Old: 500px | 245px | 160px               New: 540px | 268px | 177px 

(I have basic giffing tutorials [here] and [here])

(Script everyone should install regardless of whether you make your own gifs or just like to look at them [HERE]. It will make posts on your dash look better!)

OLD SIZES VS. NEW SIZES This is what I’m referring to when I say tumblr sucks. A while back (omg 3 years now???), tumblr changed their code and it affected how sets appeared on people’s dashes. Basically, it widened the post width. Along with this, tumblr was resizing people’s gifs to in order to fit the wider posts. This made everyone’s gifs look blurry (especially apparent with text…the gifs just don’t look “crisp”). People were PISSED. It was bad. So people figured out NEW sizes to make the gifs so they look good on people’s dashes. Sounds straight forward, right? WRONG. 

While the posts on the dash got bigger, posts on people’s blogs (your main page) are still the old size. So if you started using the new sizes, they looked good on the dash, but looked bad on your blog page (because tumblr needs to resize the bigger gifs to fit in the smaller post width). Basically, when tumblr resizes gifs (up OR down), it makes them look shittier than they really are.

So now every gif-maker must face a choice: Do you want your posts to look good on the dash (use the new sizes!) or on your/people’s main blog pages (use the old sizes!)? This is s shitty choice to have to make. Most people see your stuff via the dash, so honestly most people might want to use the new sizes. But it just makes me super depressed to go to my page and scroll through my blog and see my posts look shitty. Also, I harbor illusions of grandeur and think that people actually go to my page and scroll through old stuff (lol right). I want my stuff to look good when they do this. SO I STILL USE THE OLD SIZES! So if my posts look kind of blurry and shitty to you on the dash…this is why. If you reblog something of mine and look at it on your page, it should look better (unless your theme is one that makes posts 400 px or blows them up super huge. If that’s the case, WHY??? WHY DO YOU USE THAT THEME??? ::cries::).

Also, THERE’S A STYLISH SCRIPT EVERYONE SHOULD INSTALL [x] that makes everyone’s posts look good on your dash regardless of whether the gif-maker is using the old or new sizes. I installed this, so I can live in ignorance and pretend like everyone is seeing my gifs look good instead of crappy. In this case, ignorance is bliss. lol. I also delude myself into believing that EVERYONE has this script installed, so the fact that I’m using the old sizes doesn’t matter bc they look fine on everyone’s dash bc everyone uses the script (REALITY is that most people don’t use it but SHHHHH leave me alone!).

In case you’re curious and want to investigate this, I use the old sizes and I know @mabesies uses the new sizes. So you can compare how our sets look on your dash. If you don’t have the Stylish script installed, Mabel’s should look nice and crisp and mine will look blurry and gross. Then go to my blog page and look at posts I made vs. posts of Mabel’s that I reblogged. Mine should look crisp, and hers will look a bit blurry. NO FAULT OF EITHER MINE OR MABEL’S!!! Just stupid tumblr. >.<

OLD SIZES 500px | 245px | 160px

The total width of the post is 500px. The 10px (seen below) indicates the white space between the gifs, which is why when you have two gifs in a row, they’re 245px, not 250px – you need to account for the 10px of space between the two gifs: 245 + 245 + 10 = 500px. And for 3 gifs you have: 160 + 10 + 160 + 10+ 160 = 500px.

If you want one gif in a row, it needs to be 500px wide. It’s height can be anywhere from 1px to…idk. 810px I think??? (I really am not sure the max height for gifs, so don’t take this as absolute fact)

But honestly, If you’re making a 500 px gif and you want it to be more than a few frames, you’ll probably aim for the height to be around 300 or less, otherwise it’s really hard to keep it below the 3MB limit. You can have a post with just one 500px gif. Or you can make a post with ten 500px gifs (and anything in between), but they each need to go in their own row. When I make 500px sets, I usually make them all the same height bc I think it looks aesthetically pleasing, but if you wanted them to be different heights, that’s totally cool. The top gif height can be 200px, the second gif height can be 300 px, the third 250px, etc. But the width on all should be 500px.

If you want want 2 gifs in a row, they need to be 245px wide and their height can be anywhere from 1px to 400px. (I think this is the height limit)

Each gif in the same row needs to be the same height. So, for example, If you have a gif in the top row that is 245 x 150, then the gif next to it ALSO HAS TO BE 245 x 150. But if you also have 2 gifs in the second row, they don’t also have to be 150px. They can be any other height (between 1-400). But again, the two gifs next to each other (in the SAME ROW) need to be the same height. So your second row of gifs might include 2 gifs that are 245 x 300. It doesn’t matter that the gifs in row 1 and the gifs in row 2 have different heights. Every row can be different heights, as long as the gifs IN THE SAME ROW are the same height. So you CAN do this:

Same rules apply for 3 gifs in a row. They need to be 160px wide and their height can be anywhere from 1-400???px. (I honestly aren’t sure how tall they can be…I never make tall skinny gifs and this is always tough info to find out. It might be less than 400px??). All 3 gifs in the same row need to be the same height. But different rows can be different heights (same concept as above). 

And you can mix and match all you want, but remember you can only have a total of 10 gifs per set. So you can have a set that looks like:

Top row: 1 gif that’s 500px x 250px Second row: 3 gifs that are 160px x 200 px Third row: 3 gifs that are 160px x 300px Fourth row: 2 gifs that are 245px x 190px Fifth row: 1 gif that is 500px x 150px

That’s 10 gifs, so you can’t have more. Notice that all the rows have different heights, but all the gifs in the same rows are the same dimensions.

NEW SIZES 540p | 268p | 177p

The SAME rules apply here as above, you just need to substitute the new numbers where the old ones are. ALSO NOTE: the space between the gifs is only 4 px, not 10. That’s why the math is a bit different. Just roll with me here. Don’t think about it, just accept it. lol

COMPLICATING FACTOR: For reasons I don’t want to get into, If you’re doing 3 gifs in a row, the middle gif should actually be 178px, while the 1st and 3rd gif in that row should be 177px. This is super annoying, and I don’t know how many people do this, but if you want to be a perfectionist, there you go. Here’s a good post for new sets: http://kimwoobinseyebrows.tumblr.com/post/139232304438

[spacebuck]

how long have you been writing? like did you always want to write, or was it skill you picked up later on and realized that you liked it a lot? Are you ever going to write a book? Do you have original characters with their own plot and world that you've written before? im sorry if you've answered any of this before im just very curious you're like my writing inspiration so i just feel like you're a chill and mysterious cryptid being who manages to write one hundred thousand words somehow

“a chill and mysterious cryptid being who manages to write one hundred thousand words somehow“ omg write this on my headstone kids i love it also i’m quietly screaming at ‘writing inspiration’ oh my god friend oh my god

in all seriousness i haven’t answered this that i remember, and even if i had i’d do it again haha, so you’re fine!!

honestly i’ve always been a reader. I started reading early (apparently i was the kid in new entrant class at age five TEACHING other kids to read,,, oops) but i never really made the leap between reading and writing for a long time. like i wrote things when we had to in school, and thanks to my early reading i had this massive creative streak, but i didn’t really have an outlet for it? i spun all these stories in my head and eventually it turned into verbally telling the stories, and then it just sort of. made sense to write them down?

i only really started writing like this (coherent stories, proper characters, real prose, etc) in... my second to last year of high school? so that was about six years ago now? we had to do this creative writing thing for english, with this annoying theme (”then and now” i think it was) and i just... pulled what can probably be counted as my first fanfic. I wrote a little thing (two pages by hand?) about renaissance italy set in the assassin’s creed universe, the then being a market during the day, and the now staring an OC, an assassin, as she moved through the market after her target.

and i was super proud of it (i still have it somewhere) and i got top marks for it, and i realised then that actually, i was good at this.

i started writing actual fanfic at... the end of 2014? ish? that’s about when i published my first anyways.

but the how of it, i picked up from years and years of reading. i would devour books, i’d get out stacks ten or fifteen deep from the library and return them two weeks later, each read cover to cover. i’ve always been the type to theorise before i start, then do it well/right the first time through, and writing is no different. i developed my style mainly from reading, which is why my style changes depending on what book is on my nightstand haha. but i get better at writing my style with each word i write, each hundred words, each thousand words. it’s something that i don’t have to work hugely at to do alright with, but i always have room for improvement, and each page i fill in helps me get there.

i wish i could sit down and write a book! it’ll probably happen eventually, and howitzer (and to a lesser extent, nectar of the gods) has forced me away from the immediate gratification thing i had going on, where i’d throw out 2k in a couple of hours and post it the same day. so i feel like it’s more likely than it was this time last year?

i do sort of have OC’s loosely created in my head (Indarion, Azrael, Nate) but they don’t really have a story. they’ve got backstory, but no forward plot they fit into, and i’m fairly certain they don’t exist in the same universe (Dar and Az, possibly, Nate, definitely not). so I guess it’s a matter of me finding a story they fit into (and refining the heck out of them), or building out new characters for the plots i have - all of which has to happen before i sit down and write an original book!

also, a note about the 100k words - all it takes is 1k a day, 100 days. 500 words a day, 200 days. you can get it in less than a year with little effort, but a lot of dedication. it’s not insurmountable. you don’t have to do it fast, you just have to keep at it. Howitzer has technically been in the writing stage since november (i took a few months off after the mess that was the start of the year) but i got to this point by picking at it and picking at it and picking at it.

i believe in you