#TUMBLR IS ONCE AGAIN DOING MY COLORS EXTREMELY DIRTY

[andro-dino]

me when I deliver on things

ocs here belong to

@tribius-art

@lady-lazagna

@chalkchelcee

@snugglebeans3000

[tetsunabouquet]

Could we please get a NSFW alphabet for the Kiriyu twins please! I've seen so many HC for Zero but poor Ichiru always gets neglected and he's my favorite twin!

A/N: Of course you can! Unfortunately, Tumblr has a word limit. I've seen author's managing to get past that but none of them tell me their trick so I cannot do all letters for an individual, so forget about two! I've picked some for each that I think defines their differences, if you want to know other letters just hit my askbox again ;) 18+

Ichiru

D (Dirty Secret): He dreams of getting you pregnant, as he secretly desires to drink from your breasts one day. He finds the idea of drinking your sweet milk to be arousing. G (Goofy): Ichiru is extremely goofy in bed thanks to his playful personality. If one of you accidentally falls of the bed or bonks their head against the headboard, he laughs it off and cracks a sweet joke. If someone interrupts the two of you, he is guaranteed to start a goofy conversation about it after sex. "Did you see Zero's face?! I swear I thought Nii-san would faint and that I'd have to hide your cum covered body in the bathtub as I dumped his body downstairs." "Ichiru, you sound like a serial killer!" H (Hair): His hair is a darker silver then his hair and smooth. He grooms it well and keeps it at a rather minimal length. J (Jack Off): Ichiru masturbates regularly. He prefers doing it in the quiet of his bedroom in days when he can't have you, and he'll sniff your things hilst doing it, imagining it was your hand wrapped around him. N (No): Something Ichiru would never do is choke you during sex. He hates going too far with physical violence. He might be tempted eery once in a while into spanking you lightly but anything severely masochistic and he's out. He can't stand seeing you hurt like that, even if you get off of it. U (Unfair): Ichiru can be quite unfair. He adores the way you pout when he teases you by overstimulating you with multiple rounds of eating you out. He adores edging you and seeing your bottom lip quiver when he stops. He doesn't stops if you plead, but if you manage to gather the strength to sound commanding, he will do as you say because he finds the dominant tone of your voice to be thrilling. W (Wild Card): Ichiru has a tendency of ripping your panties apart. He hates being viewed as the weaker twin so he'll tear your underwear to shreds to prove his strength.

Zero

D (Dirty Secret): Zero has a secret weakspot for shower sex as the scent of blood mixed with the scents of sex and your perfumated shampoo sends his head spinning. G (Goofy): Zero is pretty serious. If you fall off the bed or bump your head, he only treats it with a kind concern. However, during the aftercare he can loosen up from time to time and potentially start tickling you. H (Hair): Whilst Zero's carpet is the same color as Ichiru, he cares less about grooming his hair. He let it grow and honestly makes no attempt to shave or have it at a certain length. J (Jack Off): Zero isn't too fond of masturbating as nothing compares to you. Having great self control, he manages with it just fine. If he masturbates, it's more about the de-stressing and relief it brings. N (No): Zero hates doing anal. He doesn't mind taking you doggy style and admiring your rear, but he hates the thought of anal sex because he is terrified of damaging your rectum with his vampire strength. A vagina is made to handle a lot, one's ass is not. U (Unfair): Zero definitely teases you way more then his brother would have. He loves hearing you whine for his cock whenever he teases you with just his tip, and unlike his brother, doesn't obeys your pleas. No, Zero has enormous self control and will ignore how hard his cock is getting at your cries. W (Wild Card: He has a habit of braiding your hair before sex, it's usually your cue that something is about to go down. Zero does this for two reasons, number one is that he loves playing with your hair, number two is that he wants to prevent your hair getting tangled from the sex.

[adobe-outdesign]

I could've sworn you did the Litwick line for the Pokémon review, but when I went to check, I couldn't find it? If you really have and it's just Tumblr being Tumblr, could you review the Haxorus line?

I did indeed do the Litwick line here, but as for Axew:

Axew itself is pretty cute. The body itself isn't that distinct, but the airplane wing-esq tusks are unique enough to make it stand out. I particularly like the way the darker green on the head flows backwards into the horn, and how the darker color around the eye helps to make it pop.

My only real issue is the colors. The two main shades of green are fine, but the lighter green area around the neck could've been dark green or red, to match the eye. In fact, the shiny does this:

This one matters less, but the light green of the tusks is also weird. Why not just use white for extra contrast instead of bringing in a forth shade of green? None of these ruin the design of course, and Axew's still a good pre-evo, but strange color choices are a problem for the entire line.

On the plus side, Fraxure has a unique design with its own unique elements. On the minus side, it looks extremely awkward. An interview with Ken Sugimori confirmed that Haxorus came first and the other evos were built off of it, and I feel like that's evident in the design, which lacks a clear direction.

Like, why does it have those red spots on the underbelly? They're unique, but they don't add anything whatsoever. The arms look super stubby and the part around the neck serves no purpose except to transition into Haxorus.

And, once again, some strange color choices here. The upper body is mostly green, but there's no reason for the sudden divide between colors; instead of having the arms be grey and the green starting on the neck, it instead has an arbitrary division that makes it look a bit like it's wearing a shirt that's too small for it.

Side note: the 'dex talks about Axew regenerating broken tusks within days, but Fraxure's entries talk about how its tusks don't grow back. Huh? Why change that? Was there a disagreement in the writer's room or something?

Also, seriously, what the hell is this:

One interesting thing about Haxorus is that not only was it made first in the line, but it also was made by a new artist, and was almost rejected for not feeling Pokemon-y enough before it was decided that's why it should stay in. In a way, I do see what they mean; the proportions in particular are more realistic. I feel like a more "normal" Pokemon design would make the axe-tusks bigger, and it would be much stockier than it is overall (due to sprites needing to fit in a square back in the day), especially around the neck. However, it also reminds me a lot of the early plated "kaiju" mons like Nidoking and Rhydon, so there's some basis for it.

Anyway, as a whole, I do like the design. The axe-tusks are cool-looking, and I love the heavy plated look; the neck looks particularly neat, as does the beak. Ironically, despite looking badass, it's actually established to be a friendly herbivore in the 'dex. Frankly, I love this; it's not only more interesting, but it also makes logical sense; those tusks are too high up to be able to attack many opponents with them, but they're perfect for cutting plant material while grazing.

My only complaints are, once again, the colors. First, there's a bit too much yellow in the design; it feels like the underside of the tail and the inside of the haunch could've both stayed grey.

Secondly, this might just be a me thing, but that nasty yellow-green color isn't doing it any favors. It's too bright and competes too much with the red accents, which should be where the focus is because that's the color of the tusks. It's also just a very dirty color that makes it look desaturated and sad. The shiny is honestly 10x better:

First, this fixes the contrast problem and makes the red pop right out. And secondly, this makes more sense with the rest of the line. The yellow in Haxorus' design comes out of nowhere when the rest of the line is green, but with the shiny, you'd have progressively less green and more grey with each stage.

I actually popped the entire line into Photoshop and just tweaked the colors really quick to keep them more consistent. I feel like this helps make the line feel like a cohesive whole:

For the most part, though, I do like the line quite a bit. It's really just the colors and the awkward middle stage that don't quite do it for me. Otherwise, these are some good scary vegetarian dragons.

[philipkindreddickhead]

I often seen critiques of make up from an existential/philosophical perspective, but I rarely see criticism of cosmetics from a stand point of the very physical bodily harm it does. I think this is because the number of dangerous ingredients is so massive, and overlapping its an absolutely daunting task. So I've compiled the information I've found and bear with me its a lot. (This is from an American perspective. Sorry, thats what I know. However I would love it if people from other countries had things to add.)

First I want to get the "simple" stuff out of the way. I think almost everyone has heard about bacteria and fungi in makeup and that makeup causes acne from clogging pores. Makeup has a pretty strict shelf life, yet consumers are entirely supposed to self-police as Ive never seen a single expiration date on any cosmetic packaging. (I guess consumers are meant to pull this knowledge out of the ether or something. I only found out about it in a tumblr PSA. I did read that expirys are on products in Europe.) Beauty blenders are the worst offender because theyre almost always moist. When I was taught makeup I was told to wet my sponge so it would soak up less product. If you apply makeup daily your sponge is likely constantly damp. USA Today had an article which said that 96% of sponges had fungi and over 60% had E. Coli in them. But I think what people talk about less is the complication of problems from using other products in conjunction with dirty beauty blenders. USA Today warns its especially dangerous to use beauty blenders if you have damage to your skin like acne, cuts, or dry skin. However the most popular beauty products for washing your face contain walnut pieces for literally scrubbing your skin and creating microabrasions. If youre a frequent makeup user you probably know about the cyclical nature of applying foundation, breaking out, and then applying more foundation to cover the breakout. You may even be using scrubbing cleansers more frequently to combat the acne creating more tears. This can lead to "blood poisoning" and, though neither USA today or Forbes mentions this, blood poisoning (not a medical term btw. Its sepsis.) according to numerous medical sites has the potential to be extremely lethal. The symptoms are so similar to a regular flu its nearly impossible to self-diagnose.

The very first thing I was told when a friend handed me a jar of finishing powder- popular with many beauty gurus for the "baking" technique and considered a must have- was a joke about "clown lung." This was a reference to the main ingredient talc. Talc causes lung problems including cancer and respiratory illness. If anyone remembers the large Johnson and Johnson lawsuit from 2019 it was because theyd been putting talc into baby powder. Talc is dangerous because it's impossible to mine and seperate from ASBESTOS. Some high-end finishing powders will try to sell you on safe talc-free formulas but all the products I looked into contained mica instead which causes pneumoconiosis, colloquially known as "black lung disease." Like fucking coal miners get. Its not just present in finishing powder either. In my research it turned out that talc/asbestos are also present in many eyeshadows and other powder products. [Googleable, evidenced in J&J lawsuit]

Another industry to examine is nail salons. Toluene, Formaldehyde, Dibutyl Phthalate, and Methacrylate compounds are all dangerous ingredients and present in various salon products. These ingredients cause a range of problems from dizziness, drowsiness, birth defects, slow fetal growth, future intellectual disabilities in the fetus, eye skin and throat irritation, coughing, allergic reactions, asthma-like attacks, short-term memory loss, nausea, dermatitis, cancer, and misscarriage. Some nail products advertise that they are 3-free meaning that toluene, formaldehyde, and DP should be absent but often the labels are found to be completely inaccurate. It should be noted that the risk is mainly to salon workers and not patrons but ask yourself if it is right to place other people at serious risk for your aesthetic. OSHA does make an attempt to mitigate these risks however not once in my years of makeup queen did I see a salon following these directives which include constant air monitoring, half mask respirators with chemical cartridges, gloves, long sleeves, and safety glasses. (And Im not even going to touch issues of human trafficking/slave labour out of nail salons one case of which occured 5 days ago two hours away from me) It should also be noted that formaldehyde can also be found in hair relaxers and hair dyes. [Found articles in Scientific American and NYT]

I also found on the FDAs website that many cosmetics include heavy metals like arsenic, mercury, and lead. (Usually accompainied by a picture of lipstick so I assume that is the product most likely to contain it, however campaign for safe cosmetics lists foundation as containing heavy metals, and The Guardian has an article about skin lighteners from Asia and Africa containing mercury.) The website stated that the amount of these heavy metals in cosmetics is "safe" if used as intended. (and I'm going to come back to the concept of "intended use" later because thats a can of worms too) However, when searching for info on heavy metal safety I found this quote in regards to metals in food:

"Certain metals, such as arsenic, lead and mercury, have no established health benefit, and have been shown to lead to illness, impairment, and in high doses, death. Understanding the risk that harmful metals pose in our food supply is complicated by the fact that no single food source accounts for most people’s exposure to metals in foods. People’s exposure comes from many different foods containing these metals. Combining all of the foods we eat, even low levels of harmful metals from individual food sources, can sometimes add up to a level of concern"

So like, which is it? Is it a "safe amount" or is no amount of metal safe? I understand that in the case of certain foods like fish some amount of mercury poisoning is always expected but fish is also something you feed yourself and nourish your body with while cosmetics are completely unecessary to your survival. The mercury problem in fish is also mitigated by health warnings when mercury levels are particularly high but cosmetics have no such warning. Another warning on the site indicated that children should ingest NO amount of lead AT ALL because it is particularly harmful for kids yet theres no effort to stop children from using lead-containing cosmetics. I worked next to a Five Below where I was shocked to find they sold Jeffree Star and Anastasia eyeshadow dupes for five dollars which amounts to fucking pocket change for a lot of kids and kids do buy that stuff. I also think its ironic the FDA would have anything to say regarding cosmetics because in the very same article about heavy metals in cosmetics the FDA says that they DO NOT REGULATE cosmetics beyond the color additives.

Mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and brow tint often contain carbon black. This is a color additive that is an incomplete combustion of carbon-based products. It can cause lung disease, cancer, and organ system toxicity, and eye, nose, throat irritation. The effects are mainly studied in rats and those at biggest risk are industrial workers but why do other workers have to endure lung problems for something so unecessary? [Easily googleable, NIH, CDC, WHO Europe]

This next bit I only want to mention briefly because I didnt find any particularly reputable sources about it, but its a claim that cropped up repeatedly and I think its an interesting one. Parabens, estrogen, phthalates (again), and pesticides in cosmetics are apparently linked to endocrine disorders and hormone dysregulation. Im not entirely sure what is meant by this accusation. Endocrine disorders include female diseases like PCOS and possibly endometriosis. None of these diseases is very well studied and the female endocrine system itself is not well studied either. Im not saying "cosmetics cause PCOS" because we dont know if PCOS or these other endocrine/hormonal disorders are genetic or environmental or both (it appears that PCOS is largely genetic and Endometriosis is likely autoimmune related) AND we dont appear to know for sure that cosmetic ingredients cause endocrine disorder. But I include anyway for a number of reasons:

If you happen to struggle with hormonal problems you may want to know cosmetics is a potential environment factor.

These conditions are incredibly painful. It will be a battle getting your doctor to even acknowledge that pain for diagnosis. PCOS is linked to diabetes, and heart disease. [Thanks @mother-of-pearl ] There is no cure and the treatments are often throwing hormonal birth control at it and hoping for the best.

I dont anticipate the link between cosmetics and endocrine disorders being studied any time soon or any endocrine disorders studied at all because the medical/scientific field is sexist. I dont want women to suffer in the mean time.

Now again, take this with a grain of salt because I couldnt find scientific or news sources for it. Dont fucking come for me. Im not gonna respond to you. [Most reputable source was a paper from the library of medicine at the national institutes of health but it was behind a paywall and I dont have 39 dollars to be right on tumblrdotcom]

Avoiding these ingredients is not as simple as scanning the label for them. As many beautubers and the community are no doubt aware considering multiple scandals over veganism. Products advertised as vegan or cruelty free but contain non-vegan carmine or are sold in China which legally requires the products to be animal tested. Cosmetic companies will hide ingredients claiming they are "trade secrets" or they will be placed under "fragrance." Many ingredients will be known by six or seven different names and asking consumers to be aware of seven different names for multiple ingredients requires consumers to be aware of innumerable different, often complicated ingredient names. I shouldnt have to point out that's a ridiculous burden to place on women. The EU banned 1,300 hazardous ingredients that the US did not. Cosmetic companies rely on women being unwilling/unable to bring in a list of 1,300 ingredients- with multiple names- every time they pop in to the drug store, sephora, or wherever. Buying "natural" products will not help you either. Theres no established criteria for natural/organic in costmetics, the FDA doesnt test these products, and "natural"=/= safe anyway. Plenty of plants and minerals are poisonous. One good example is traditional kohl products which advertise their natural status but also naturally contain lead and reiterating that natural powders contain mica. US courts are rarely on the side of consumers either. I found an interesting lawsuit against St. Ives for their apricot scrub taken to court for their "dermatologist tested" label despite it causing breakouts and cuts to the skin. The courts ruled that this label was fine because it only indicated that the product was TESTED not APPROVED by dermatologists. However I think any rational consumer would look at this label and assume the tests concluded it was safe for use or else why put the label on there?

[Googlable XMONDO drama, googlable laws wrt china and eu, already stated about FDA, FDA website about Kohl. Googled St. Ives lawsuit.]

I want to return to the idea of "intended use." This is sort of a fucky concept a lot of companies have ways of getting around. My "last straw" with makeup had to do with a run-in I had with Anastasia over their "Riviera" eyeshadow palette. In this pallette they had two colors that were the real feature of the palette, an electric neon purple and a radioactive pink I mean every photo, every promotion has these two colors swirled together around the eye. Because again, its an eyeshadow palette. When I buy the eyeshadow palette of course there's a little insert warning in the package that says these two shades are not intended on the eye area. In an eyeshadow palette. Contacting their customer service they told me that these two shades were meant to be used as a blush. neon purple blush. Not only that, but their website and instagram featured NO models wearing the shades as blush while EVERY model one or more of the shades as eyeshadow. When asked about this discrepancy ABH stopped responding. What I find egregious about this is the amount of people who dont know, and then more staggeringly; dont care. The sephora clerks didnt know, the in store abh representative didnt know, their customers didnt know, and when I told them they would respond with "oh, [brand] did the same thing with their [shade]." Sure enough, when I demanded that store clerks open the packaging to look for warnings nearly every product had an "eyeshadow" that was not intended for use on the eyes. Relegating dark, red-toned teal to "contour" and neon grean to "highlighter" US-based cosmetic junkies will say that these pigments have been approved for use by the EU however I found absolutely NO evidence of that. I googled it a thousand ways but all I ever found were blog posts, reddit comments, and one quote from an apparently nonEuropean layman in an Insider article. I even changed my location to France on ABH's website and the Norvina palette still contains the same warnings (not to harp on ABH in particular. I just know which shades in particular are the problem there). The Insider article noted that brands who were selling pressed pigments declined to comment. If the pressed pigments were EU friendly, I would think companies would be clamouring to say so. It also still makes their market as eyeshadow colors illegal in the US. (If any Europeans would like to chime in I'd love that.) Another problem I find with cosmetics companies and their reps is the claim that the worst thing that could happen is eye irritation for those with sensitive eyes and staining. How could they possibly know? The FDA doesnt test, or approve these cosmetics in the eye area, so ostensibly no one should be using it that way.

The next one is a bit of a "duh" but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Counterfeit cosmetics are a booming market full of untold dangers. Untold primarily because these products could contain literally anything. Ive read about glue, arsenic, lead, feces, staph, and horse urine to name a few. The labels and ingredient list on these products are fake. Legitimate brands often unintentionally play into the counterfeit market. They create artificial scarcity by making less of the product than is actually needed for consumer demand to create an even higher demand. If consumers miss out often their only chance at getting the product is to turn to counterfeits. I found examples of women who had their lips superglued, lips "turned to goo" and burned to blistering, throat closures, women with stys, contact dermatitis, eye infections. I think we as a society turn a blind eye to this problem because we think "hey, if youre buying counterfeits for a discount and you get hurt you deserve it." We imagine idiots buying products for 4 dollars from ebay or perusing Canal street for FEИTY beauty. But these counterfeits can be really convincing. I myself received a gift of a huda palette that I only recognized something was weird about it because I'd swatched it at sephora about five times earlier that month. The person who bought it for me actually paid MORE than the usual cost for the palette because it was advertised as a newer, better edition. The websites can be disturbingly similar. For instance Kylie Jenner's legitimate website is KylieCosmetics.com but you can find fakes at kyliecosmeticsshop.co.uk. These fakes can buy ad space and be one of the first sites that populate when you google the products instead of typing the legitimate site into the address bar. Counterfeits can also be bought and sold through third parties on websites like ebay, wish, and amazon. (My gift actually came from Amazon.)

[Netflix doc "Broken" ep "Makeup Mayhem" Corroborated by personal experience and google]

[littlegodzilla]

The Three of Us. MacxReader JoexReader +18

Hi!

First of all, I'm sorry it took me so long to post something new. I had the whole story in my head and little by little it has been fading away and now I'm a bit collapsed in a loop that.... Well, I'm really sorry.

I'll try to keep posting more often, I promise!

The Three of Us. (2)

Characters: Mac Red Canyon, Joe styrofoam soul, Negan Smith TWD, Fem reader.

Warnings(All the series): Mental Disorders. Bad language. Metion of child abused. Drugs. Violence. SMUT. Fingering. Threesome. Blowjobs. Oral sex. Double Penetration. Dirty talk.

Warning this chapter: mental disorders. Drugs.

Summary: You start working at the psychiatric hospital outside of New York. Not only are there patients with mental problems, there are also people trying to cure themselves of their addictions. Joe and Mac are two of them.

N/A: Mac is doing bad things in mine mind…

N/A: Yes I used Negan because I think he fits here pretty well.

Sorry I'm going to re tag you people because tumblr is giving me problem, sorry the double notification.

Taglist: @phoenixblack89 @browneyes528 @pncnsc @lilythemadqueen @purple-serenity @ruinedbythehobbit

Part 2.

When you open your eyes again you feel a sharp prick running through your head. You gasp and close your eyes again, placing your hands on your head. It hurts like hell and you aren’t quite sure how you got in that room, you sit up very slowly, with the memories of what happened still flooding your mind. You can still feel the touch of Mac's tongue on your cheek, your skin bristles at the memory of his scent permeating your skin, his hand closing around your throat like a pincer, his fingers...

You close your eyes as your whole body shakes and you squeeze your legs together at the memory. You shouldn't have let that happen, you should have pushed him away, but he had managed to completely dominate you, leaving you trembling in his hands.

"Yer gonna be mine." You hear his voice in your mind and gasp.

No, you can't fall.

You get up from the bed still feeling dizzy in the head, the door opens at that very moment, several of your classmates walk in along with Principal Smith and they all look at you with concern, your cheeks flare because it's possible they saw what Mac was doing to you. It's embarrassing and humiliating, the last thing you wanted was to become a nuisance on your first day of work. Your eyes fill with tears at the thought that you might be fired for your damned incompetence. You sniffle violently and cover your face with both hands so they don't see you crying, the last thing you need is for them to feel sorry for you. One of your classmates comes to you hugging you tightly, trying to comfort you.

"How are you?" Negan asks you holding one of your arms, pulling it away from your face, you look at him sideways and his eyes show you a totally worried grimace. "Are you in pain? Your head? You hit the wall pretty hard, young lady."

"I-I'm s-sorry I... I took the clothes down to the Laundary and-and I didn't know Mac was there, and-I..." you babble incoherently without stopping crying and sniffling through your nose.

Out of the corner of your eye you can see them glance at each other with a worried look on their faces, which makes you frown in confusion at their stares, but your head hurts too much to dwell on it. Your companion releases you and hands you a little plastic cup, you look at it curiously, inside are a couple of colored pills, you frown once again not understanding what's going on. Negan sighs and pats your shoulder with extreme care.

"It's a painkiller for your head and an antibiotic, you took a good blow to your nose, we don't want it to get infected." He explains feeling your body visibly relax at his words.

You take the medication feeling your mind blur for a second at the abrupt gesture throwing your head back, the world is moving under your feet and you need to sit back down. Your companions help you, you feel them moving around you doing various tests even measuring your blood pressure, that your body is not going through the shock yet, but you are fine, mainly it is the headache that is killing you, but it stabilizes itself to the effect of the pills you have taken.

"Try to relax a bit and rest." Negan tells you and you look at him sideways, "Your shift for today is over, okay? We'll check on you later."

"Okay... What's going to happen with Mac?" you dare to ask feeling your eyes fill with tears again.

"Don't worry about him, he's under control, he's not going to give you any more trouble." He tries to comfort you but he himself doesn't seem too sure of his own words. You nod your head closing your eyes, curling up on the bed, you really need to rest.

You don't know how long you've been sleeping, but the windows show you the darkness of the street and that scares you. You shouldn't stay there so long, you have to go home, not to mention all your lost work shift. You sit up in bed, your head no longer hurts, you don't feel dizzy, the medication you've been given has worked properly and you feel relieved. Instinctively you touch your nose and it hurts, it is not broken or twisted, but it still hurts from the impact against the wall.

You get out of bed to go to the nurse's station to change out of your work pajamas into your clothes and leave. You want to talk to the director to ask for a double shift tomorrow to cover the hours you've missed. You hope to find Negan still in his office. You move to leave when your eyes detect movement next to you. For a second panic washes over you as you discover the figure of an ashen blond man leaning against the wall biting his thumbnail, he looks at you nervously as you discover him there. He steps away from the wall to approach your position, but you back away and he stops, raising his hands in peace.

"D-don't be afraid, I'm Joe." He says sincerely even as he looks sideways at you, afraid to look directly at you. "I-I just wanted to know how you were doing..." He murmurs and something softens inside you as you see his worried, saddened look. You want to tell him it's not his fault, but you're not sure if it's the right thing to do.

"Thank you... I didn't realize that... I didn't know he was there."

"Sometimes they send us out to do chores like that, to keep our minds busy, you know, because of the withdrawal and all..." He explains and his body jerks. "He'd been locked up for a few days, controlled, but he escaped... I'm really, really sorry..." He mumbles lowering his gaze again. You bite your lip and dare to approach him.

You caress his cheek to make him look at you, his eyes glisten from the tears that invade them and your heart squeezes again. Joe is good, a lost soul, but there is no evil in him, you know it, he has proved it to you those days you have been talking to him, getting to know him better. You smile a little and kiss him on the cheek lovingly, you feel him tense at your touch, but he doesn't really move.

"Thank you for caring, Joe, you don't have to..."

"Yes I do... I worry about you, I don't want you to get hurt, they don't understand..." But he falls silent biting his lip nervously. "Mac doesn't want to hurt you, but he doesn't know... He doesn't know how to talk to you..." He tries to explain himself and his gaze falls back to his feet, playing with his hands nervously.

You watch him in silence, with your heart in a fist, his good intention for Mac, wanting to make you see that he is not a bad person, that he acts by instinct, that he takes what he wants without asking, but this is not how things should be done, he has to understand that there are limitations and that he should know how to respect the personal space of each one. You smile and dare to give him another kiss on the cheek, but Joe turns his head towards you kissing you. You tense up without reciprocating his kiss, he doesn't force it to make it more intense either. He pulls away and looks at you nodding.

"I-I'm glad you're better." He says to you and pulls away from you leaving the room quietly so the nurses on duty won't notice he has left his room without permission.

You stand there for a second longer, your heart pounding, feeling your lips wet from the kiss. Your cheeks burn violently and you feel yourself trembling from head to toe. What is happening to you? Why are you unable to control yourself? You are an employee of that place, you should be more professional and not get carried away by the strange feelings that both men are making you feel.

Because yes, maybe Mac is foul-mouthed, rude and unpleasant in several aspects, but he has also managed to sneak into your mind making you feel ashamed of your own thoughts.

Time passes faster than you thought. It's been several months since you started working there, it's also been a few days since what happened with Mac and since that day you haven't met him directly, which you're grateful for, you're not sure you could face him. However, you had been aware that your fellow patients were spending more time with you, there was always someone around you making sure you weren't left alone with the sick people in the ward, which prevented you from being able to approach Joe and talk to him about the kiss in the room that night. Although you weren't sure if it could be called a kiss either.

Still you don't want to lose contact with him, Joe is different from Mac, he has always been nice to you, he is the complete opposite of his brother, roommate, whatever. Whenever you can you try to get close to him, it's easier to do it in the hours where they are all together in the great room or when they go out in the yard to let the sun warm them up a bit, but as always, there is a roommate nearby, holding you down and pulling you somewhere else, giving you any task, no matter how absurd, to keep you busy. Occasionally your gaze would even connect with that of the ashen blond smiling sadly and he himself would wander off to another spot in the yard, losing sight of you.

"Any word from Mac?" You ask a colleague that morning, as you have not heard from the man for many days and you begin to worry.

"He's in isolation." He explains, glances sideways at his coworkers and looks back at you. "There's an... isolation room on one of the floors, it's like a punishment, Smith locks them in there sometimes to calm them down. When the withdrawal anxiety gets too much for them."

"But is anyone taking care of him? He can't be alone, that would be much worse for him." You try to understand, but your partner just shrugs.

"Don't worry about him, he'll come back, he always does." He says letting out a sigh, as if he was tired of that situation and that makes you frown hard.

Could the man be so problematic that the medical team itself didn't know how to deal with him? Why wasn't he transferred to another institution?

You are thinking about the conversation you had that morning with your colleagues when you hear hurried footsteps on the second floor, several carts moving quickly through the corridors, urgent voices, you don't know what is going on, but it seems worrying. You quickly descend the stairs to discover several nurses entering Joe's room, you hear screams inside and your pulse quickens.

You run and rush into the room, everything is in disarray, the bed lying on the floor, sheets scattered all over the place, the bathroom is open, two colleagues try to restrain Joe, but he has a knife in his hand, no one knows where he got it from. Frightened, you try to enter the bathroom and discover that the walls are all painted with red marker. Fear invades you again fearing that Mac could have escaped again, but no, that look the man gives you is from Joe, he looks at you scared, worried. He throws the knife to the ground and lets the men hold it, this time he doesn't resist. As they pass you your body shudders and your eyes fix on what's written on the walls.

"It's all lies." "Don't trust them." "You have to wake up." "There's nothing wrong with you." "We miss you."

Your heart squeezes without understanding what he means. At what point has the man lost his mind like that to write all that, to try to make an attempt on the lives of people who are only helping him. Your mind blurs for a second and you shake your head trying to come to your senses. When you look up again, your companions are carrying you out of the room, you look back and see that the walls of the bathroom are white.

You no longer hear Joe's screams down the hallway.

You are nervous, your head is a jumble of confused and jumbled thoughts. You've been sitting on one of the gurneys at the nurse's station all afternoon, rubbing your hands together, trying to get your surroundings in order. With the excuse that you were feeling a little tired you have been left there alone, no one has questioned your situation, they have simply left you there.

You keep thinking about everything that has happened in the last few days, you keep remembering Joe's words in his room, his defeated look, the fear, not for him, but directed towards you, as if he was suffering believing he could lose you.

You don't understand anything, why would he be afraid of losing you?

To Be Continued...

Sorry if it's short, but the hot part is approaching and I think the next part will be the last one and I'll do it a little longer.

I hope you liked it!

See you the next story!

[arofili]

I love reading what you write! It's always such good, easy writing no matter what it's about! Do you have any Russingon fic recs? I'm new to Ao3 and still figuring it all out.

Aww thank you so much <3 <3 that means a lot! and YES I have lots of Russingon fic recs! These are all taken from my bookmarks and I know there are other great fics out there, but these are ones that I have saved and come back to frequently!

(I’m also going to plug my Russingon fics bc I write them a lot and I’m pretty proud of some of those works!)

Blessed Hands Will Break Me by @absynthe--minded - WIP currently at 139k, lots of worldbuilding, from Fingon’s discovery of Maedhros’ capture to the Mereth Aderthad - Absynthe is an amazing Russingon writer, absolutely check her stuff out!

“whoso list to hunt” by vauquelin (elftrash) - 3k oneshot, post-Angband, 1st person Fingon POV - another incredible writer

“Old Pains” by @zealouswerewolfcollector​ - ficlet, post-reembodiment, Maedhros is unsure of reality

Did My Heart Love Till Now? by @absynthe--minded​ (with art by @felixwhetsel​ !) - 5k, Years of the Trees, masquerade shenanigans <3

“stay thy mind, and all the rest” by @mc-dude​ - 25k oneshot, get together, Fingon visits Maedhros in Himring, the ANGST and LONGING gahhhh !!!

“commit (to the bit)” by vauquelin (elftrash) - 4k oneshot, Years of the Trees, FAKE DATING FOR WORLD PEACE, this author has a GIFT for prose and the subtlety of interpersonal interaction

“cliffs of fall” by @arrivisting - 3k oneshot, nonlinear narrative but generally focused on post-reembodiment reunion with Complicated Feelings - another author with a truly inspiring talent for prose, I reread the wedding scene in this fic at least once a week and it never fails to make me emo

In Equal Measure by @siphilemon - WIP currently at 108k, time-travel fix-it, bullet point fic, not just Russingon but they’re the ones who time traveled and anyway their parts make me go insane

Your colors by @elesianne - 2 chapters, 3k total, Years of the Trees and then Beleriand, gift-giving and anniversaries and dirty talk, so tender and loving, Elle’s Russingon always hits me right in the heart <3

“Like the old season” by Tyelperintal - 1.8k oneshot, post-Angband, Maedhros and Fingon take a walk in the woods, super sweet

“Gifts of the Heart” by @wren-of-the-woods - 10k oneshot, Years of the Trees, really lovely get-together fic, gift-giving, just super sweet and fun

Our Houses Bound Together by @senalishia and @z-h-i-e - 5 chapters, 17.2k total, arranged marriage AU!!, mutual pining, lots of drama, very fun

“just one safe place” by sunflower_diode - 2.1k oneshot, post-Angband, homoerotic haircutting

“All About Your Heart” and its sequel “At Last Broke Silence, And The Ice” by @admirablemonster - first fic is 2k, second is 8k, modern AU ft. aspec Fingon and genderfluid Maedhros!!!, get together, family drama, ice angst <3

Life after Death by Sylanna - WIP currently at 69k, Fingon-centric post-reembodiment fic, slow moving and contemplative, the author is truly the sweetest person ever

What Is Wrought Between Us by @nikosheba - 90k series (with plenty of smut too), complete, canon compliant, ranges from the Years of the Trees all the way to after the Dagor Dagorath, a truly incredible work

“Kindness” by justonelastdance - 1.6k oneshot, Maedhros in a fucked up mental state post-Angband, hurt/comfort - this author writes a lot of Maedhros whump so if you like this check out their other stuff too (this one is just my favorite)

and under the cut, some smut recs....

smut recs

In a Jeweled Crown by @absynthe--minded - 3 chapters, 12k, complete, Fingon’s coronation and the aftermath - this one still makes me go nuts every time I read it

Reconnecting by nyromes - a series with 2 parts, 9k total, first time post-Angband + first time Maedhros bottoms post-Angband

“Bright Defiance” (1.7k) and its companion fic “Very Good” (800 word ficlet) by @edgeoflight - two oneshots, Fingon coaxes Maedhros’ story out of him post-Angband + some PWP - these are some of my favorites, I come back to them frequently

“all your perfect imperfections” by @stormxpadme - 1.8k oneshot, stumpfucking, I’m biased bc this was written for me but I do love it very much, Himring era

“These Games We Play” by @edgeoflight - 1.7k oneshot, the original stumpfucking fic, Himring era

A Surprise At Home by Findecutie and MayGlenn - 25k of pwp, Years of the Trees, newlyweds, crossdressing - part of the much longer Russ and Finno Verse but this was my intro to that verse and it’s good on its own!

“Fuath” by yeaka - 3k oneshot, first time, some truly disturbing manipulation by Melkor but the Russingon here fucking destroys me ;-;

“Rozanne” by yeaka - 2.8k oneshot, Maedhros recovering from Angband, I once saw someone use the phrase “lovingly described blowjobs” and that’s basically this fic

“Sleeve” by yeaka - 2.4k oneshot, trans!Maedhros, Years of the Trees, Fëanor invents the condom for Maedhros and Russingon are incredibly eager to try it out, they’re SO IN LOVE here it gets me every time

Passion and Anxious Care by LiveOakWithMoss - 12.5k total, 2 fic series, modern AU, oh my god they were roommates, get together and then first time, this is another one I return to frequently - this author is/was a BNF a few years ago but hasn’t been active recently

“For nimble thought can jump both sea and land” by TheLionInMyBed - 2.2k oneshot, palantiri foolishness that leads to video sex basically, Beleriand era - another BNF who is/was buds with LiveOakWithMoss

Treat me soft but touch me cool by LiveOakWithMoss and TheLionInMyBed - 4 chapters, 18k total, swoon kink/medical kink, relationship difficulties that are resolved, Beleriand era with a final chapter post-reembodiment, love this one

“Enthroned” by @ultraviolet-eucatastrophe - 4.5k oneshot, throne sex, fealty kink, King Fingon era

“A Disgrace to the House of Finwë” by @edgeoflight - 2.3k oneshot, get together/first time, Years of the Trees, they’re just super sweet together <3

“What Happens in Himring” by teasoni - 3.4k oneshot, reunion sex, Himring era, fealty kink, this fic is tagged “finally some dicks get sucked!!!!!!” and I think about that tag every time I write a Russingon blowjob jdkfhdkj

“a light in darkness, hope in woe” by @admirablemonster - 4k oneshot, trans!Maedhros, surprise baby Gil-galad in the middle of the Bragollach

“A lord and his prince” by @ultraviolet-eucatastrophe - 3.1k oneshot, early Beleriand era, reunion sex, super sweet and fluffy

“Made of Lava” by @edgeoflight - 2.1k oneshot, Years of the Trees, tender get-together fic with a kind of silly premise

Bend, bruise, beg by LiveOakWithMoss - 5 chapters, 13k total, part of a larger modern AU but tbh I haven’t read the main fic in that verse and this absolutely stands on its own, Maedhros discovering his kinks, chapters 2 (first time) and 4 (butt plug shenanigans) are my favorites

“in a field of stars” by Nacht - 3.4k oneshot, Years of the Trees, first time/get together, the writing style here is really unique and sticks with me

“a sword once sheathed” by @mc-dude - 3.5k oneshot, Beleriand era, reunion sex, the amount of horny longing is truly astonishing

Of Flight and Freedom by @admirablemonster - 2 chapters, 6.6k total, wingfic/wing kink, first time/get together, the Rescue and its aftermath

“Thorns” by yeaka - 2k oneshot, post-Angband, Maedhros with lousy self-worth, Fingon who punishes him with love, bondage

The Ice Between by angrymermaids (who has a tumblr but I don’t remember the url oops) - 7 chapters, 33.5k total, Beleriand era, piecing their relationship back together / trying to get back to being intimate, focus on Fingon and his trauma from the Ice

“much too tall for a boyfriend” by @i-am-a-lonely-visitor - 4.7k oneshot, fem!Maedhros x budding-transmasc!Fingon, Years of the Trees, I think about this fic ALL THE TIME I kind of want to write a sequel to it sjfdhdkjh

“the beat of your heart as my hand touches your skin” by @admirablemonster - 5.3k oneshot, part of the Elves in Pon Farr series, Years of the Trees, heat fic/mating cycles, first time/get together, Maedhros’ first heat catches him by surprise while on a camping trip with Fingon, accidental soulbond

“Beneath the Blanketing White” by @nikosheba - 2.3k oneshot, Himring era, pwp, cameo from little Gil-galad at the end

“What I Am (When I’m With You)” by @thatfeanorian - 5k oneshot, part of a larger modern AU, married fluff, Fingon with baby Gil, ends with some lovely smut, this was written for me so AGAIN I’m biased but I do very much love this one

“open your body and soul to me” by @the-quiet-fire-of-defiance - 2.3k oneshot, Years of the Trees, trans!Maedhros, pregnancy, exhibitionism, sex toys, they’re so in love that it drives me crazy, I can’t stop thinking about this fic djfhkjd

“Like the Golden Fire in Your Eyes” by @sianascera - 3.8k oneshot, Years of the Trees, Maedhros invents nipple piercings, extremely fun <3

[shattered-mirror-fanfic]

HAHAHA! I’M EARLY THIS TIME! Anyways, before you read: This is your warning about how in this chapter there’s mentions of child abuse, blood, death and scientific experiments on a child. You have been warned.

Ao3 Link: Chapter below cut for those who read it here on tumblr: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32206135/chapters/84899077

The walk home from school was dull as always, walking along the grey path, connected to a grey street, little color in the world. Despite being only six years old, Desdemona had many responsibilities, especially after their soul fully developed. 

The routine was simple: walk home, get homework done, change clothing, get a snack, curl up on the couch with the snack, a blanket, and their favorite doll until their dad got home. Usually on Thursdays like this, Desdemona feared when their dad would get home because he would yell at them and have them turn off the tv and get in the car. This new addition only started when their mom disappeared. One day, at 3:20 when she was meant to get home, she didn’t show up. It wasn’t Des’s fault, they were only a child and their soul wasn’t even fully developed, they were only wondering what if’s, it shouldn’t be their fault that it became real. 

No matter, they had other worries. They didn’t have any homework so they went straight up to their room, changing out of the light blue and white uniform shirt and white shorts into a comfortable black and white striped t-shirt and brown overalls instead. They grabbed a blanket and pink axolotl doll from their bed and went downstairs again. Before going into the living room, they popped into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of cheese puffs from the pantry that were hidden away at their height so their father couldn’t confiscate it. There weren't many of the puffs left so they took the bag with them. They went to the living room and climbed onto the grey couch, covering themself and their plushie with the blanket. They grabbed the discarded remote and turned on the tv, pressing random numbers until they got to the cartoon channel. 

Seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to an hour, and the front door slammed open as the episode faded to black. 

“Turn that tv off right now! Get up and get in the car, traffic was held up enough already!” The tall man who entered had yelled. Desdemona hated their father on Thursdays, he was always so mean and would only let Desdemona eat stale animal crackers that tasted both bland and too sweet. Regardless, the child slid off the couch and went to the door, putting on some boots and grabbing their father’s hand to be led to the car.

They were set in a booster seat and buckled in with the stupid animal crackers and doll. Their father slammed the door shut and got in the drivers spot, driving off down the road to their destination. 

Roughly twenty minutes had gone by when the car stopped outside of a large grey building located along a dirt path. Desdemona dreaded this place, there were no good people there, only mean men in big white coats. The place was bland and basically greyscale, no pictures or paintings anywhere, it was like a prison. Desdemona’s father led them to a room with only a bed, a few chairs, some counters and cabinets. Without instructions, Des hopped on the bed and waited, swinging their legs while their father sat in one of the folding chairs in the corner of the room. The child held their plushie tightly, letting their dirty blonde hair fall in front of their face, hearing only their father wishing for a normal child before three of the mean men in white coats came in and began their tests.

~~~

Souls develop in a human by the age of five, beforehand their souls are usually white, empty and still developing their traits. For Desdemona, their soul didn’t develop correctly, and by the time the trait showed itself, it was too late to guide their soul differently. It was malformed and full of hate and malice, the only things they were shown before, not an ounce of KINDNESS was present in soul tests, the only trait that had developed into a positive range was DETERMINATION, and even then, it was very weak, and couldn’t manage being the dominant trait on it’s own. 

It was very rare for souls to be malformed, and even rarer to have all but one trait be malformed. Oddities like these seem to be caused from one parent having a malformed trait, which in Desdemona’s case, could be their father having malformed kindness, after all, he was a “businessman”. It could be possible for a soul to be malformed in another way, where all the traits exceed limits, the soul exhibits all traits to an extreme and displays all the traits equally among the heart. But this has only remained speculation. 

~~~ “Des, wake up.” They heard their father say. There wasn’t a clock in the room, but even then, they knew it had been at least five hours since the doctors gave them the medication that put them to sleep. Desdemona sat up and saw their soul was exposed, it was black and inky, with a little dot of red on the side where a doctor most likely had injected raw determination into their soul to make it normal. 

“Sorry dad, I’ll be better…” The child weakly said.

“Listen Des, I know you hate me, I’m just still upset about what you did to your mother.”

“I didn’t do anything! It’s not my fault!” Desdemona cried. Their dad sighed and picked them up and carried them to the car, putting them into their seat before settling into his own and beginning the drive home. 

“We’re having mac and cheese again, and I want you to behave tomorrow and remember…”

“No showing my soul to anyone.”

“And if someone asks?”

“Say it’s determination and dodge other questions...”

“Good, sorry the tests ran a bit late, your soul is just needlessly complicated.” 

The drive was boring as always, the sky was illuminated with the end of a sunset, but it wasn’t anything. Des fell asleep in their seat, only waking up when the car drove over a bump that jolted the end of it. 

Tomorrow is another day.

~~~

Stepping onto the schoolyard was a chore, it was tedious, unnecessary, the educational systems flawed anyway, and yet it is still done because in our minds we believe that we would not make it anywhere without wasting time here. Desdemona wished they could just stay at home and learn from the internet where they only learn what’s necessary for a future career.

But, no, the elder gods demanded that all children (which is all people under 18) are required to attend hell to understand what awaits them if they step out of line. Unfortunately Desdemona was not one of the “gifted” ones that were made to believe that they were smart when in reality it’s just a facade to let the parents know which kid needs therapy before 16. 

In reality, Desdemona was just standing paralyzed at the school gates, knowing nothing excited them. They were tired, full of hatred, and bored. They looked around, seeing all the happy friends playing chase and other games, no one was alone, this saddened the blonde child at the gate. Until a new face appeared next to them.

“Hi! Who are you?! Names [REDACTED]! What’s yours?!” A boy excitedly spoke. Desdemona stared at the white-haired boy, stunned. Someone wanted to talk to me?

"My name is Des...Desdemona."

"That's a cool name! Say friend, what's your soul trait? Mine's determination!" The boy continued to speak. Desdemona stared at [REDACTED] before answering.

"Determination...at least I think…"

"Well can I see?" Before Des could say no, the teacher came out and called the kids inside for class time. "Hey, we'll talk after class ok? Bye friend!" And the boy left. He was always interesting.

~~~

The school day was done in an instant, and Desdemona found themself walking back home. The clouds greying above, making the air cold and damp.

"Desdemona! You should wait here until your father can get you! It's going to be a downpour!" They heard the teacher cry. They were only a little out of the gate, so it probably was best to listen. They walked back to the roofed area that the teacher was under, along with their new friend [REDACTED]. "I'll call your dads, do you mind waiting here?"

Two shakes of the kids heads and she left.

"Hi Dessie! Can I see your soul now?" Desdemona's new friend asked. They were conflicted, but ultimately, they trusted [REDACTED]. They pressed and hand against their own chest and out popped the pitch black soul. "Wow! I haven't seen a soul like that before!"

"My dad doesn't like me showing my soul…" 

"It's cool though! Don't feel bad!" The comment made Des smile, it was great to have a friend that accepts their oddities. The two talked about all sorts of child nonsense afterwards. About ten minutes had passed when the teacher came back out, her face was one of distress.

"Desdemona, your father will be here shortly, [REDACTED], I'll walk you to where your mother is, ok?" The kids nodded. They waited a few minutes until a car pulled up and out stepped Desdemona’s father carrying an open umbrella.

“C’mon Des, I have to take care of paperwork before eight.”

“Dad! Can my friend come over? Please?” The blonde child asked, running up to their father.

“What?! N-...fine, whatever keeps you happy, but you know the rules. Ma’am, is that ok?” The grown man asked, directing his attention to the teacher.

“Well, I would have to inform [REDACTED]’s mother, but if she agrees, then it’s fine.” The teacher responded. Desdemona smiled and ran back to give [REDACTED] a hug while the teacher pulled out her phone again. 

~~~

The ride home wasn’t dull for once, this time, it was fun! Desdemona and their friend sat and chatted the whole time, talking about the most random of things. When they finally got home, Des bolted upstairs to change into their usual after school clothes as fast as they could so they could get back to their friend. They could talk and play for the rest of their short lives the whole night! It was so much fun, and it was only sunset when Des’s father said that [REDACTED] had to get ready to go home. 

“Des, can I ask you something?” Their father asked, leading them to the kitchen while their friend was packing their bag still. 

“Sure!” They had left the kitchen and went to the empty backyard with only a tree and some bushes. 

“When did you think you could keep it a secret that you showed your friend your soul?” Des choked at the sentence. 

“Father, I’m sorry, he didn’t tell anyone and no one else saw!” The child spoke, tears forming in their dark eyes.

“Well that’s where you’re wrong, as your teacher saw and informed me when she called to ask if I could come to pick you up.”

“Dad! I’m sorry! I’ll be better! I can make it up to you!”

“Too late, Desdemona.”

~~~

When [REDACTED] finished packing his bag, he slung it over his shoulder and looked around, not seeing their friend at all. 

“Hey Dessie?! Where are you?!” He asked to the open room. I should investigate! And off he went, looking around in every room for their friend, he never saw them leave so who knows where they went! Only after going downstairs again and seeing his friend’s father walk into the kitchen from the backdoor with red hands, did [REDACTED] figure out where their friend was. 

Into the back yard he went! Only after sneaking by Des’s father and opening the slightly ajar door, did his smile and his heart sank. There, laying on the ground in front of the willow tree, was Desdemona, unmoving, and in a puddle of a dark red liquid. [REDACTED] rushed over to kneel in front of their now deceased friend. 

“Dessie...please wake up, why won’t you wake up?!” He shouted while tears formed in his eyes. “Dessie! Please! You’re my only friend! Why can’t you wake up?!” He shook his friend’s body and noticed the black soul, shattered in half. The boy grabbed it and held it close. “Please wake up! Please wake up! Please wake up!” 

Then, the feeling of [REDACTED]’s skin being torn off in pieces hit, and he let out a sharp cry of pain. The shards of the black soul soared up and [REDACTED]’s red soul was drawn out. “I need you to wake up!”

Silence…

The screaming had stopped, the black soul was absorbing new determination provided by the red one. [REDACTED] fell onto his side and let his eyelids grow heavy. 

The only other thing he could remember from that day were police sirens, an ambulance, and being paralyzed, forced to stare as his friend was covered in a white blanket, and carted off. 

~~~

That was the last of Desdemona, a child born with a destiny to die at the hands of a cruel father just because they had an imperfect soul.

Not even time remembers the life it took, the only one who could remember the blonde child was the one with their soul. The boy grew up on a quest to bring back their once friend, no matter how much their hate and death corrupted them. 

[aetheriumwar]

My apology applies to my ignorance and the intersexism I inflicted, and for that I am truly sorry. But I'm not sorry for not changing my name - which I've been going by for several years - because some people incorrectly assumed it was the Japanese name. They're two different names with two different origins.

Lots of things I want to address here so followers, forgive the wall of text.

1. I have to wonder why you’re coming back into my inbox with this. No one’s made a post about you since it happened. I also have to wonder why you’re staying on anon which is extremely childish. We are both adults here so I really do not understand why you’re not messaging me; it’s easy enough to make a throwaway account. And honestly? It’d be much easier for me to not get irritated with you if we were talking one on one. But if you’re fine airing your dirty laundry, okay. Sure.

2. I am not the one to come to with this shit. I am so tired of coddling white people. When multiple people are uncomfortable with something, when people of color especially are uncomfortable with something, you listen. And honestly? If you disagree with the criticism, just shut up and move on. It’s a really bad look to keep defending yourself when no one is even talking about you anymore.

3. Just did a few interesting searches to see the popularity of the name in Norway. Interestingly enough I can’t find zilch. It was popular in the middle ages in Denmark, but it is still a very common Japanese name. Just because a Norwegian character uses the name doesn’t mean it’s not Japanese. White kids can be named Japanese names, and are all the time. It doesn’t mean the name isn’t Japanese. It is basically dead in languages other than Japanese. Correct, it does have a different Norwegian origin; that date back to the Middle Ages when the name was Tooke. Which is a surname. When it did develop it lost popularity and all but died. Not in Japan, though! Awesome. Glad we’ve got that covered.

4. I’m turning anon off because I am not going to entertain white people who can’t shut the fuck up but also can’t come off anon. If you want to defend your choices, don’t be a coward about it. Otherwise there’s no point in keeping up the conversation. I have not made one post about you since the incident went down and quite frankly we are all tired of coddling you like a child. You got enough of that. No one is explaining it to you again. I don’t care about your excuses, defenses or bullshit logic, especially when you can’t even come off anon.

And I find it funny how you still have not given a proper apology for the intersexism. Do not apologize to me. I am not the one who you were being fucking awful to. And when you follow up your “true” apology with “but I’m not sorry about this:” it just shows what a bullshit apology it is to begin with. There are tons of guides on the internet, and specifically on Tumblr, that show you how to apologize properly. Maybe you should try to look for those because this is not it. And I am not going to accept your apology and I don’t even want to acknowledge it beyond pointing out how fucking performative it is, because it’s not my apology to accept. If you want to be a uwu good ally and actually listen to the people who raise valid fucking concerns about your behavior then here it is. And if you want to be an adult and not act like a coward and go on anon when my inbox is open, and you know my discord, you know where to find me. Otherwise do not come to me and expect me to respond kindly and forgive you for your mistakes.

I don’t know what else to say to you beyond the fact that this is so ridiculous. You are beating a dead horse. Either accept you’re wrong and change accordingly and be a better person or just leave it alone. Or at the very least be an adult about it.

And by the way, just because I’m a person of color literally does not mean I can or will accept your apology because you’re racist. I know it’d make you feel good about yourself if a person of color let you off the hook but that’s not even my place. I think maybe you should talk to a Japanese person and when they don’t accept your bullshit defenses of how you’re definitely not racist, maybe you’ll finally get it through your head that it’s not okay to just go ahead and use a Japanese name because a white fictional character uses it and once it was popular in the middle ages for white people to use.

[moonshine-and-midnight]

Hey honey, hope you're fine. I would like to ask you a question, do you have any tips or advice for a beginner in tarot? Cause I bought my first tarot deck :) (finally ahah) You did me 2 readings and you were very accurate! Have a nice day ❤️

Hey there, dear, I’m doing well, thank you 🌸, hope you’re well, too.

I feel extremely humbled that you ask me so I went ahead and wrote down what worked for me and what I would want to have been told when I began learning. Below, I covered some things that came to my mind instantly but it might not be a very sound beginner post.

Take what works, dear, and leave what feels off or “wrong”  ❤︎

The Deck

Get a deck that has art that touches you, that has art you feel connected to, and which you do not feel “forced” to look at. 

Try to pick a deck that shows illustrated scenes. There are many great decks out there which have a pip style (4 sticks or wands for 4 of wands), but for a beginner, seeing a scene on the card (for the 4 of wands it’s two people waving, looking happy, as if celebrating something) makes learning much easier.

The Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot Deck is very popular and while it’s not the prettiest to look at, I recommend it for study purposes.

If you do get a pip-style deck, try to get your hands on a cheap copy of a Rider-Waite-Smith deck. When you draw your card or lay out a spread with your pip-style deck, lay the same spread with your cheap copy of the RWS so you can look at the images there for help with interpretation.

Taking care of your deck

You do not need an expensive silk cloth or an artistically crafted wooden box to store it. You can, but a shawl, an old T-Shirt, leftover material of a blanket or pillow cover, or scarf is enough to protect your deck from rough surfaces, dust, and too much light.

If you want to take your deck with you, make sure you don’t put it into your bag unprotected. Especially not if there are things in your bag that can scratch the card or get them wet or sticky. I recommend buying a small bag to put it in. My own bag was 7 Euro, it’s a durable material that won’t immediately let water pass through, and it is big enough for the cards not to get bend or angled in any way.

If you chose not to take it with you, make sure to place it somewhere where not too much sunlight can reach it. Not because it will negatively affect its energy, but because depending on the style (most of mine are rather dark), the color can fade quicker than it would usually.

I like to put a clear quartz crystal or amethyst crystal with my decks in their bags or at least on their bags but that is just personal preference.

Make sure to not use your deck on dirty surfaces, too rough surfaces, or dusty surfaces. I would recommend making sure that if cards fall to the floor, the patch of floor is clean enough for them not to get soiled.

Bonding

Put it near you or under your pillow when you sleep.

Keep it with you throughout your day if possible.

Shuffle it throughout the day, talk to it, take time out of your day to just look at the imagery. Don’t bother about keywords yet or about “doing it right or wrong” - there is no right or wrong.

Take it to a favorite place of yours and sit with it there.

Sit with it on your balcony, at the window, hold it and just spend some time together.

Use it, either draw a card daily with the intention to learn about the drawn card that day or ask it questions and try to interpret them with your intuition through what you get from the imagery on the cards you drew.

There are spreads all over Tumblr to “get to know your deck”, but honestly, you can ask it any question. I love talking to my decks when I get to know them. I ask them what they want me to respect about them, what they don’t like, I tell them I will take good care of them, that I will include them in my day either with using them or just carrying them around, I promise mine to spend time with them after each reading as I feel uncomfortable just putting them away after receiving advice and guidance from them. I wouldn’t turn around and leave a friend in such a situation, so I wouldn’t do so with my deck either. However, that is my personal practice and by no means something you need to do, dear.

Keywords

openlibrary.org has many books available on Tarot. There are biddytarot and other websites offering keywords for interpretations, there is a whole lot of books written just with keywords - pick one thing, perhaps the guidebook your deck came with and go with that for getting down the basics. If the keywords of your guidebook don’t resonate at all, find a different source and study with that.

Do yourself a favor and don’t overwhelm yourself, dear. Pick one resource, then go through it top to bottom. Pick one to three keywords for each card max. Decide beforehand if you want to read with reversals or without. Take it slow, honey. 

Once you picked a source of information you feel comfortable studying from, get yourself a notebook and a pen - doesn’t need to be fancy either. Write down the card, your own thoughts, what you see, and then take a look at your resource. Pick one to three keywords from the resource of your choice.

I recommend doing one or two cards max a day, with reversals or not. You may want to pull a card each evening in terms of “What energy was most dominating in my day today” and see if you can somehow relate this card to your day. Use your own thoughts first, dear. Your intuition always weighs more than a generic keyword from a book.

Reading the cards

Again, trust your intuition. Keep in mind how a card makes you feel, do you tense when you see it? Do you smile? Is there a pressure in your chest or stomach when you look at it? Do you feel light? Even if you don’t really have any thoughts for a card, there almost always is a feeling you have when you draw it.

Start with small spreads - two cards to three cards max. Go slow, write down the positions of your spread, the question asked, and then just dive in. Write down a description of what you see if you have to, sometimes it takes a while to get your intuition flowing.

Watch where people or objects point at, for example where do the court cards look? Where does the Hermits lantern point at? Where is the hand of the Queen Of Swords reaching out to?

Look for dominating suits, do cards “jump out” while you shuffle? On this aspect, note these cards. If a lot fall out, you just need a bit more practice when it comes to shuffling but if only one jumps out, or perhaps two or three at max. in one shuffle, then they usually carry a message they want you to know.

Your Tarot Journal

An entry in your tarot journal might look like this:

Question and dateThe card(s)your own thoughtsthings that caught your attentionkeywords according to your chosen sourceyour thoughts on how the keywords relate (or why they don’t)a reflection a few days or weeks later, depending on the question

Scattered bits and bites

You do not need a ritual to “awaken” your cards, the moment you touch them, open the package, handle them, talk to them, they are yours, dear.

Be respectful to them as you would be with a dear friend

Before your first use, hold them into the sunlight, knock on the back three times and imagine white light flowing into them - this is you cleansing them off any lingering energies. 

You DO NOT need to cleanse them regularly. If they feel off or whacky in their answers, they most likely are just “tired” and need a rest. I like laying mine into the sun or moonlight once in a while. Personally, cleansing them regularly would feel like resetting their “memories” of our readings, my energy, the things I’ve told them and what we did together by that point.

You do not need a teacher to be a tarotist. You do not need a family that practices tarot for generations to be a tarotist. It does not matter what religion you have - you can practice tarot regardless, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Tarot is not evil and it can not invite evil spirits in your home. 

keep a tarot journal oh dear please do, it will help you so so so much in the long run

if you feel like wanting to have a more ritualistic approach to reading, go ahead, dear. Make your own ritual, perhaps follow someone else’s ritual - whatever makes you comfortable.

meditate regularly with your cards on your lap as if inviting them to join you, it helps with bonding and helps you with keeping your mind “open” for the card’s answers. Try to feel their energy, try to picture them in your mind.

Lastly, Tarot differs greatly from one reader to another, find what makes you happy and enthusiastic about it and keep to that, no matter what the opinion of any other reader is. This is yours through and through, darling, no one has a say in your practice.

Reach out to others who already read Tarot when you have a specific question. Most will gladly answer your questions, dear.

Did I already mention to always trust your gut? Because always trust your gut.

[lunarfox22]

Bloodied and Broken - Part 3

Pairing: Loki x OFC (of color)

Warning: Violence, language, blood, mentions of suicidal thoughts, angst, fluff

Words: 1927

AO3: Bloodied and Broken by lunar_fox22

FFN: Bloodied and Broken by lunarfox

Summary:  Loki has fallen from the Bifrost, a disgraced prince. He meets Angela Lawrence, a SHIELD agent who helps him, but can he let go of his scorn? Or will he betray the only person who is on his side?

A/N:  I'm moving these over to my new writing works tumblr. Please forgive any confusion!

Part 2 - Part 4

Masterlist

When Loki woke up, the sun was blaring through the blinds filling the room he was in with bright light. He quickly squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block it out.

There was something soft under him, much softer than the seating he was laying on last night. Maybe the woman had indeed helped him to her home. If that was the case, she was strong as that would require carrying him.

Reluctantly he opened his eyes again. The light poured in his vision and he groaned. His head was pounding, and every inch of his body hurt. He tried to move to get up, but every part of him screamed to stop. Who was he to deny that? The only option was to lay here and not move a muscle. He did, however, take this time to look at his surroundings.

It didn’t take long to figure out the woman had put him in a bedroom. Was it hers? Nonetheless, it was a soft cream color, and only big enough to fit a bed and dresser. The bed he was laying on had a light blue blanket, and the dresser was made of a light wood. There was a window close to the bed. The cream door across the room from where he was laying, was cracked open.

Loki could hear birds chirping from outside, and he could hear what he assumed was the woman from last night walking towards the room.

He slowly sat up, trying his hardest to ignore the pain that shot through him as he did so. Shifting, he sat his back against the pillows and headboard. He watched as she poked her head in, and then stopped as their eyes met. She stepped into the room and examined him with her dark brown eyes.

Loki took this time to also examine the woman. She had warm, bronze skin. Curly, black hair that was pulled up into a bun, which allowed him to get a good look at her face. She had dark brown eyes, and a pair of full, pink lips. He was right in his assessment earlier, she was strong. He could clearly see her muscles as she folded her arms over her chest. She had a very straight posture, that reminded him much of the Einherjar at the palace. Finally, he looked at her body, and noticed she had nice curves. She was attractive, he concluded. Had this been a different time, he would have seduced her and went back to Asgard afterwards. But now he had a mission, and he could not be distracted.

“So, you’re finally awake,” her voice was soft. “You were out like a light last night. You didn’t even move.”

Small talk would get them nowhere, so he cut to the chase. He needed to know where in the Hel he had landed, “Where am I?”

For a moment, she didn’t reply. She instead came to sit next to him on the bed. The bed sunk as she added her weight and came face to face with him. Loki almost backed away but was stopped by the look in her eyes. He knew he was being evaluated, he had seen this look before. From his father, from his peers, by Thor. She was searching to see if he was worthy of something.

It wasn’t even a moment later she sat back a bit, satisfied with whatever she saw, and answered him. “You’re at my house. On Earth.”

He was right, she was Midgardian. So, he had landed on Midgard. Even he could appreciate the irony. He landed on the same place his brother – no, his not brother – loved so much. The place where Thor was banished to. The place where Thor’s precious Jane was. He did promise that he would visit her, didn’t he? This made fulfilling that promise easier.

Angela watched him for another, and saw the glint pass his eyes . Just as Loki knew what she was doing earlier, she realized the look in his eyes. Earlier she had seen the hurt pass his eyes too. And she knew all too well that something had happened to the man, alien, whatever he was. She could tell he was hurt outside of the physical sense. The look reminded her of herself not too long ago. Hurt, angry, and ready to do whatever to prove herself.

Angela chewed her lip in thought. Maybe, just maybe she could help him. She was a firm believer in paying it forward. Director Fury had helped her out when she needed it most, and now was her time to help someone else.

Her eyes slid over to him once more. He seemed zoned out. “I’ll be right back,” she told him.

His head snapped up to watch her leave the room. He looked down and noticed that he wasn’t in his armor but his under clothes. His shirt was drenched in blood, but he didn’t feel dirty. Had she cleaned him?

She returned with a white box and sat next to him again, “I’m going to need to take off your shirt and change your bandages.”

The white box opened, and he could see what looked to be medical supplies. She went to reach for him, and he smacked her hands away. He could remove his shirt this time by himself. She had already taken liberties with his person while he had slept.

Slowly, she pulled her hands back, waiting for him to finish. If he wanted to do it himself, he could as far as she was concerned. Angela could see the pain in his face, but it wasn’t her fault he was stubborn. In the meantime, she began getting out the bandages.

He finished undressing and examined the bandages. There were layers upon layers of them.

Angela looked back up to him to see him looking at her work. “I did the best I could. I tried to give you stitches, but your skin broke the needle. So, I had to use liquid stitches. I wrapped you up to make sure everything stayed in place.”

This time when she went to reach for him, he allowed it. She began to unwrap him, and watched him closely to make sure she wasn’t hurting him too badly. She noticed that the scrapes on his face had healed. ‘That was quick,’ she thought.

The last of the bandages came undone and she examined his upper torso. It was a collage of purples, blues, yellows, and his actual pale skin color. The deep gash on his side had healed some but was still there. The liquid stitches seemed to be helping, and he was no longer bleeding. Overall, it looked a lot better than it did last night.

“It looks good. You seem to heal very quickly.”

He said nothing in reply. Obviously he healed quickly.

Angela didn’t let his little snub affect her. She began to rebandage him and tried to start another conversation. “What’s your name?”

He watched her for a moment considering answering her or not. Should he lie? If he did lie, it would have to be an elaborate lie. And explaining how he fell out of the sky would be tedious. When he could just tell her that he was a god and leave it at that. “I am called Loki,” he answered.

Angela froze. Loki? The same Loki that leveled the same town she was in charge of fixing? That Loki? The Loki that attacked his own brother? What were the chances?

Her brain went into overdrive with the millions of questions. She recovered from her shock and started to wrap his bandages like nothing had happened. But her mind couldn’t quit thinking.

‘He seemed confused when he first got here, but was that all a ploy? He was known as the God of Mischief and Lies. Did he have an agenda here? Was he here for Jane? Or was he really here due to circumstance? Should I tell SHIELD? I know I said I wouldn’t but–’

Her thoughts were cut off by Loki asking her a question. He had caught her hesitation, and the knowing look in her eyes. “I take it you know who I am.”

There was silence before she replied, “Yes. I know who you are.”

Angela dared to look up in his eyes. He was waiting, that much she could tell. Waiting for what? She looked closer, and then realized. He was waiting for her to judge him. It was the same reaction she had every time she met someone new in SHIELD. Her reputation preceded her, just as his reputation preceded him. People rarely seemed to want to get to know her all because of who she used to be.

‘No,’ Angela decided. That wasn’t going to be her. She wasn’t going to be the one to toss him to the wolves. But she would be cautious around this man. He was, in fact, a very powerful being who could outwit her. She had to be extremely careful, and hope that she was right.

With that, she looked away and went back to finishing off his bandages.

Loki blinked, stunned, before recovering. Was that it? Most mortals after learning who he was either ran away or went down on their knees. Yet this woman didn’t even bat an eye. Sure, she was shocked at first, but it seemed as if she didn’t even care any longer. She still was helping him. ‘What a curious little thing she is…’ he thought.

Angela finished up wrapping him, and gave him a soft smile. She picked up his shirt and began to speak, “All done. I can wash this for you to get the blood out. I don’t have anything else for you to wear, but it shouldn’t take long for me to wash this. She stood up and made her way to the door. When she got there, she turned and faced him, “Are you hungry?”

Loki shook his head, unsure how to proceed. She had thrown him off his game. She had offered a complete stranger refuge in her home, and was tending to him. He couldn’t be rude to her.. At the moment he had nowhere to go, and if anything Frigga had raised him to be polite. So he put on his most charming personality possible.

“No, not at the moment,” he paused, “Forgive me, you seem to have me at a disadvantage. You know me, but don’t know you. What is your name?”

She gave him another polite, small smile, “My name is Angela. Angela Lawrence.”

“Angela, what a lovely name,” he complimented. “I’m actually rather tired at the moment, Lady Angela. But I thank you for allowing me in your home and tending to my wounds. You are truly kind.”

“Then go back to sleep. I’ll wash your shirt, and be out in the living room if you need me. And you can call me Angela.”

He nodded at her. Angela made her way out of the room, and shut the door in her wake.

Loki settled down into the bed, and shut his eyes. He honestly was tired. The fall had taken a lot out of him. He could feel the wear and tear his body went through from slipping through space. His mind also felt sluggish after the fall. That wouldn’t do. He needed to figure out what exactly he was going to do.

It wasn’t long before he fell into a deep sleep. And that was when the whispers started.

[bangtangcorner]

Chapter 1 : The Interview

pairings: mafia boss!park jimin x reader

word count: 1.8k

summary: You were just a pawn in the play. Things take a twisted turn when you fall in love with the one you were supposed to cheat on. Chaos, as usual, ensues.

warnings: a few cuss words, that’s all. Oh and a little bit of a toxic relationship?

a/n: OH MY GODDDD I AM SO EXCITED TO START MY FIRST EVER FIC ON TUMBLR! I really really hope that whoever reads this, likes it :) There is no particular time for the updates but I’ll try my best to keep them regular. Feedback and criticism of any kind is always appreciated <3

part of the deception series

****

Why do you sound like ‘soul’?

What kind of soul is it that you have?

What holds me back at your side like this?

****

“You are going to wear that?”

I turned around and saw Jackson sitting on the edge of my bed with a deep scowl on his face.

I looked down at my outfit and frowned, “What is wrong with this?”

“Baby, no offense, but you don’t look like you’re going for an interview to work for Seoul’s biggest Mafia in those clothes. Wear a skirt at least.”

“No” I deadpanned.

He raised his brows and tilted his head to the side,”Are you saying no to me?”

My breath caught in my throat as I panicked, my face contorting into a frown.

“I, uh... I-”

“I’m letting it slide right now, but think before you speak next time.”

I nodded and let out a shaky breath before turning around to look at the mirror and coated my lips with some peach gloss before spraying some perfume. I picked up my sling bag and slid in some essentials into it.

“Okay, I’m ready!”

Jackson locked his phone and stood up, standing in front of me. His hands firmly grabbed me by my shoulders as he looked me in the eye.

“Don’t do anything that you don’t want to. Don’t answer anything that you’re uncomfortable answering. You can’t, under any circumstance, blow your cover, you get me? We’re doing this for us, for Baekhyun. You understand, don’t you babe?” His eyes were bleeding into mine, tone stern.

“Yes, I understand.”

He smiled brightly at my words and dropped a little kiss on my forehead.

“Great, at least you didn’t wear those shitty pink sneakers of yours.”

“Jackson!”

****

“Hi, I’m here for an interview?” The statement came out more like a question. I couldn’t help it, the surroundings made me jittery.

The girl at the front desk seemed to notice this as she chuckled, typing something in her computer.

“First time in a place like this, sweetheart?”

It was a warehouse turned into a makeshift office. The walls were black, paint crippled. The furniture looked old and damaged. People were rummaging around the whole area, some with files and papers in their hands, others with guns and knives. It was hectic; not one person looked like they had slept for more than 3 hours.

I looked back at the girl who was now looking at me with raised brows.

“No, not really.”

As soon as the words escaped my mouth, someone came barging through the front door. His face was extremely bruised, cuts on almost all of his exposed milky skin. He doubled over and groaned, spitting out blood while falling to his knees. His hands clutched his stomach and people rushed to him, helping him up and taking him to what I’m assuming, the infirmary. He removed his blood covered hand from his stomach to reveal a big gash, continuously bleeding. I cringed at the sight and twirled around on my feet.

“I take my words back.”

She laughed lightly, “Your name?”

“Y/n”

“You gotta wait for a few minutes.”

I sat down on one of the chairs laid out beside the front desk. I took my phone out and saw that I had a missed call from Jackson. My fingers quickly worked against the phone screen as I called him back. He picked up at the first ring.

“So now you don’t pick up my calls, huh?”

“Jackson..I was talking to the receptionist.”

 “You know it doesn’t work this way baby, no excuses, remember?”

“Yes, I’m sorry Jackson, it won’t happen again.” I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning back against the chair.

“It’s okay Y/n, when is your interview?”

“It’s i-” 

“Y/n!” I looked up to see the receptionist nodding at me, silently telling me it was time.

“I have to go Jackson.” I said as I stood up and slid my sling over my shoulder.

“Knock em’ dead baby.”

“Bye.” Slipping the phone in my sling, I followed the girl to the elevator.

“15th floor?”

“He likes heights.” She smiled. “I’m Rosé by the way, and I’m not a receptionist. Thought you should know, just in case you get the job.”

My face turned red as I looked down at my feet, feeling embarrassed. She clearly had heard my conversation on the phone earlier.

“What do you do then?

“I’m his secretary. My girlfriend works at the front desk but she’s running a fever today so I’m covering for her.”

“Oh”

The elevator ‘dinged’ and opened, revealing the most beautiful view I’ve ever seen. The city looked breathtaking, the sky sparkling under the sunlight. 

“Surprised?” Rosé’s voice snapped me out of my stance. I turned around to see her grinning face.

 “This floor is exclusive so you should feel lucky to be here. And Y/n..”

I looked at her, she continued, “To the outside world, this is a normal warehouse. It should stay like that. We both know the power boss has, if you leak information, you’ll be basically signing up for your own death.”

I nodded, too dumbfounded to say anything. The whole building looked like it was severely trashed but this floor was absolutely gorgeous. The walls had a beautiful texture and were adorned by various paintings. 

“These paintings are marvelous.” I said as I walked closer to the wall on my right. The colors were lively and splashing into each other. It made me feel warm in the chest, made me feel content and calm.

“I know hun, but you can stare at these for as long as you want once you get the job and for that, you gotta ace that interview with boss.”

I giggled and followed Rosé down the hallway. We stopped at two huge doors. She knocked twice before calling his name out.

“What?”

“I have the hacker chick for the interview.”

“Send her in.”

Rosé turned around and patted my shoulder, “I hope you get it, you seem like a great girl.”

I nodded and looked at the door before closing my eyes shut and taking a deep breath. Now or never.

With a shaky breath, I pushed the doors open. My breath hitched in my throat as my eyes fell on the seven overly exquisite men scattered all over the room. I suddenly felt dizzy, bombarded with too many alluring faces at the same time.

I bowed down to all of them which they acknowledged with short nods. 

“Hey, you must be Y/n?” The one with dirty brown hair squealed, his big grin almost blinding me.

“Hobi, calm the fuck down!” The one with blue hair scolded him.

“Please sit Y/n.” The one who sat at the desk in the middle of the room said. My eyes met his and for a whole second, I could feel my heart violently throbbing in my chest. His blond locks were perfectly styled on top his head, eyes captivating and lips plump and red like fresh cherries. He looked back at me with the same amount of intensity with which I stared at him, his mouth parted slightly.

I cleared my throat and took a seat in front of his desk.

“I’m Park Jimin” He said as he offered me his hand. As soon as his fingers clasped in mine for a handshake, I felt my skin burn at the touch. His skin was  soft yet had the right amount of roughness.

“Y/n Y/l/n, but you probably already knew that.”

He made a noise in the back of his throat and nodded, bending forward to pick up a file. He started flipping through it while clicking his tongue.

“You have quite an impressive resume, Ms.Y/n.”

“Thank you Sir”

“I don’t really give a shit about this.” He said as he threw the file on the desk. I gasped in surprise and slouched back in my seat, suddenly feeling very small under his condescending stare.

“I know you hacked your college’s server to bring down the college website because it was trying to stop the students riot against the authorities. That was enough for me to know that you’re not only good at what you do, but you also do it for a good reason.” He said.

His words made me smile, his voice softer than before.

“What I need to know is that you will be loyal to me, to my men. Give me one reason why I should hire you and not those pathetic dweebs who need this job a hundred times more than you do.”

My throat felt parched as I tried to speak.

“Can I have a glass of water?”

Jimin nodded and pushed his glass towards me. My hands clamped around the cool surface as I chugged down the whole glass in a single sip and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Suddenly, I became very aware of the 7 pairs of eyes staring at me fiercely, making me feel more intimidated than I have ever felt in my whole life.

Keeping the glass back on the table, I answered him, “I’m sure you must’ve done a background check on me. I live with my friend Jackson. He found me on the streets when I was 18 after I ran away from home. He helped me get a job and go through college. Now he needs me to step up and take charge.” 

I stopped for a second and leaned back in my chair, looking up and meeting Jimin’s focused eyes.

“He has stage 1 cancer and we don’t have enough money for his treatment. I know this job will pay me well even if it’s not in the most ideal condition. I know my life will be at a constant risk working for Seoul’s biggest mafia boss, but if it means that I get to help Jackson survive, then I’m willing to work with this risk.” I let go of the breath I’d been holding and look down at my lap, nervously playing with my fingers.

“These 6 men around you are not only my best, but they have also grown up with me. You will directly respond to only us and no one else. Rosé will show you your work space and introduce you to Jisoo tomorrow. Is that clear?” 

My eyes widened as I looked up, “Does this mean I-”

“Yes Y/n, you got the job.”

I grinned as I clapped my hands like a little child and thanked him again and again.

“There’s no need to thank me Y/n. Rosé will guide you and clear all the doubts you have.”

I nodded and bowed down to all of them before practically running out of his office. 

I immediately pulled out my phone and called the last dialed number.

“He-”

“I’m in.”

****

a/n :Phew, so that happened.

Deception Masterlist

Main Masterlist

[suckitsurveys]

Ready to answer 151 Questions? No.

1. When was the last time you swam in a pool? Last week. I am extremely grateful to have access to a pool this summer. It’s at my sister’s mother in law’s. She lets my sister and her daughters use it while she’s at work and I tag along too.  2. Do you like to party? I love throwing parties. Not like, huge drunk ragers, but bday parties are my specialty.  3. If your ex suddenly kissed you right now, what would you do? I’ve been social distancing myself from them for almost 10 years, so. 4. Are you a virgin? Nope. 5. What are your parents views on your relationships? My dad likes Mark.

6. If you ran into your current boyfriend/crush in 10 years, would you marry them? I am married to my crush.  7. Is your best friend dating anyone? One is. 8. Describe the shirt you’re wearing? It’s an olive green shirt with the Route 66 logo on it. 9. Do people who wear Hollister and Abrerbrombie every day bother you? I really don’t care. 10. Could you go out in public without wearing make-up? I do that 99.99% of the time. 11. What is one feature that you don’t like? On myself? My stomach. 12. Would people describe you as happy? Not currently.  13. Are you single? Nope. 14. Does it bother you that pretty much every survey you take asks if you’re single? Nah. 15. Do you have Tumblr? I really only use it for this, which I also haven’t done in a while either.

16. What about Xanga? Aww, RIP Xanga. 17. Have you ever babysat before? Yes. 18. Is there a teacher who you absolutely hate? Most of my college professors.  19. Ever shopped at Sephora? I think I’ve been in one before? 20. If your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away, what would you do? I mean, I’d be pretty shocked and hurt. 21. Do you have any university plans? Lol. 22. If your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do? Support her?  23. What are your views on sex? Be safe! Always get consent! 24. Do sexual questions bother you? No. 25. Would you rather have sex with your boyfriend or break up? Uh, what? 26. Have you ever dreamed about your wedding? Yeah. 27. Does it bother you when people TYpe 1yk dis’? Yeah, I don’t see too much of it anymore. 28. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? Yes. 29. Would you ever date a friends Ex? I did that once oops. 30. What’s the last book you read? I’m still working on a couple. 31. Ready for 10 simple questions? Sure. 32. What is your last name? No. 33. What grade are you in? No. 34. What school do you go to? No. 35. Summer, Fall, Winter or Spring? Summer and early fall.  36. Favorite Color? Purples and blues. 37. Are your parents together? My father is widowed.  38. Any siblings? I have an older sister. 39. Favorite subject? Eh.

40. Least favorite subject? Eh. 41. Favorite song? I could never just choose one. 42. Okay. Simple questions are over. Happy? I don’t care. 43. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 200 something. 44. Ever been requested by some old guy from another country? Probably. 45. Have you ever googled yourself? Yeah. 46. Have a Formspring? No. 47. You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do? Take them and sell them :P 48. Would you rather spend the day at an amusement park or a water park? Waterpark. Ughhhhhhhhh I miss waterparks so much. It’s so weird to not be going this summer. 49. Been to Disney world? Nope. 50. If someone posts their status “9 Inches :(” do you know what they mean? Sounds like one of those things where people post a random status from a list of things that will likely get people’s attention and whoever comments on it is privately sent said list of thing and they then choose something to post as their status and so on. That was a popular game thing on Facebook years ago. <---Yeah, that. 51. Ever had a boyfriend? Yes.

52. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know? I doubt Will Arnett knows I’m in love with him. 53. Have you done something in the last week that you regret? No. 54. Ever drank alcohol? Yes. 55. Know anyone who’s currently doing drugs? Yeah. 56. Ever watched The Hills? No. 57. What about Jersey Shore? Yes. 58. Ever called someone a slut? I’ve said that jokingly to friends. 59. What do you think of short shorts? You do you. 60. Does it bother you if people swear around you? Nope. 61. Have you ever gotten an A in a subject? Yes. 62. What about a B? Yes. 63. And a C? Yes. 64. How about a D? Yeah. 65. Ever skived? What’s that? 66. Would you consider yourself popular and outcast or somewhere in the middle? I’d say somewhere in the middle. I had friends, but I wasn’t “popular” by any means. 67. Are most of your friends older or younger than you? Most are older.  68. Ever been stabbed in the back by a close friend? Yes. 69. Do you think it’s immature when people laugh at the number 69? Oops. 70. Ever watched porn? Yes. 71. How many laws do you think you’ve broken in the past month? I drove with out a seat belt (for a few blocks) and jay walked oops.  72. Do you wake up with an alarm clock? On work days, yes. 73. Do you prefer Wednesdays or Thursdays? Wednesdays.  74. If your school had a Glee Club would you join? No. 75. Ever performed in a talent show? No. 76. Have you ever cried in public? Yeah. 77. Do you have a favorite between your Mom and your Dad? I’ve always had a special bond with my dad. I love my mom, but we butt heads a lot when I was a teenager. I feel like our bond was getting stronger just before she died and I’m really sad we don’t get to know each other as we got older.  78. Would you audition for a reality talent competition? Nooo. I have zero talent. 79. How many celebrity crushes have you had? A lot. 80. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had? A lot. 81. Name 5 male celebrities who you think are attractive. Will Arnett, Paul Rudd, John Mulaney, Andy Samberg, Ezra Koenig 82. Name 5 female celebrities who you think are attractive. Aubrey Plaza, Alison Brie, Lana Del Rey, Alia Shawkat, Kat Dennings 83. Ever been compared to a celebrity? Ha, no. 84. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook? No. 85. Do you think spending £20 on Lip Gloss is a waste of money? Idk what that is in US dollars but I don’t usually buy lip gloss, so. 86. Are you opinionated? I can be. 87. Do you have a favorite store? Sure. 88. Would you ever wear Flare Jeans? I used to in grade school. 89. Do you own jeans that aren’t skinny? I have one pair of “boyfriend” jeans that I don’t really like.  90. Have you ever worn the same outfit twice in one week? Hello, pandemic? 91. What’s the longest period of time you’ve been away from school? I don’t know. 92. Do you google abbreviations you don’t understand? Yeah. 93. Does it bother you when people have cats as their profile picture? I don’t care? 94. Own a pair of converse? Yes. 95. Is there a teacher at your school who has obvious favorites? There was. 96. If yes, are you one of them? Never. 97. Do you text in class? I have. 98. What brand of jeans do you wear the most? Target. 99. At what point do you think sizes are “Plus Sized?” Fuck that shit. “Plus” implies that there is a standard size. 100. Do you want to lose weight? I’d like to be healthier.  101. Ever seen a therapist? No, but I should. 102. Ever watched porn? You asked me this.  103. Ever purposely ignored a text? Yes. 104. A facebook message? Yes. 105. A poke? I always ignored those. That was a dumb feature Facebook had. 106. A friend request? Yeah. I don’t accept a request from anyone I don’t know, but I have it set up where you can’t add me unless you are friends with someone I am friends with.  107. Would you say you read into things too much? Yepppp. 108. Is your best friend more likely to be the one suggesting something stupid or refusing to do something stupid? I don’t know. 109. Do you have a “fun friend?” (A friend who you have tons of fun with but you never really have deep conversations?) Eh. 110. Ever been called a bully? No. 111. Ever purposely hurt yourself? Yes. 112. Ever gone to church? I went to a Lutheran high school and we used to have “chapel” every first full school day of the week (usually mondays). That was kind of a church service. And one time I spent the night at a friends house on a Saturday and was blindsided the next morning when her parents were like “okay time for church!” 113. Would you call either of your parents screw ups? Absolutely not! 114. If you turned out exactly like your mom would you be pleased? Yes and no. 115. What do you want to do with your life? Lol.

116. Let me guess… You have brown hair? My roots right now are basically a really dirty blonde. And my tips were black but they are pretty brown right now. And hair inbetween is mint green lol. Pandemic hair ftw. 117. Already know what you’re being for Halloween? I’ll probably be Princess Carolyn again. Or just a bat, since I have both of those costumes.  118. Do you still go Trick or Treating? With my nieces, but we probably won’t be able to go this year :(  119. Ever liked someone WAY older than you? Celebrities. 120. Does it bother you when people have really loud conversations on the bus? Yes. 121. When you have sunglasses on, do you stare at people? I have. 122. Ever had a credit card denied? Yeah. 123. What’s the last movie you watched? Oh god, it’s been a while. I Love You Man, I think? 124. Last TV Show? Property Brothers, lol.  125. You see your Ex making out with one of your friends. What do you do? They wouldn’t.  126. Ever been called a whore? Jokingly. 127. Are you american? Yes. 128. Ever made yourself throw up? Yeah. 129. Have you ever kissed someone who wasn’t your boyfriend? Uh huh. 130. Are you Cute or Gross? Yes. 131. Does it bother you when people say “LOOK HOW MUCH YOU’VE GROWN!”? No one has said that to me in a very long time. I don’t recall being bothered by it, though. 132. Can you say intelligent things around the guy you like? Um, yes? Why couldn’t I? 133. Ever had the lead in a play? Not the lead, no. 134. What about a solo in a concert? Nope. 135. What kind of a student are you? I did okay in grade and high school. 136. Worst subject? All of college. 137. Best subject? Not college. 138. Ever had a crush on a teacher? Yeah. 139. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant? Seeing as she’s dead, yeah, a little. 140. How late do you sleep in? On work days I sleep until the absolutely last minute, right before we are supposed to check in for a daily meeting at 7:10am, lol. And on weekends or days off I normally don’t sleep past 10.   141. Do you edit your profile pictures before posting them? A little. I brighten up my face and smooth it out. Sue me.  142. Be 100% honest. Do you have any friends who are uglier than you? All my friends are beautiful in their own ways.  143. Do you believe in love? Yes.  144. Would you consider yourself a good student? Didn’t you ask this? 145. Does it bother you when Surveys ask “Did you like this survey?” It just seems kinda pointless cause they likely won’t see it. 146. Salty, Sweet, Sour or Spicy? Yes.  147. Are you going into High School this year? Nooooo. Thank goodness. I did my time and graduated over 10 years ago. 148. What about Junior High? Omg, no. I’m old. 149. What is one thing someone could say to you right now that would make you cry? Ugh, anything.  150. Where did you find this note? @lovemesomesurveys 151. Last question. How many unread messages are in your phone? None. 

[sebthesnipe]

The Dreamer by Whatwashernameagain an Analysis? Chapter 2! Part 4

All portions:

Chapter 1: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Chapter 2: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

The Dreamer

@whatwashernameagain

As always, Spoilers under cut.

 Warning: Mentions of abuse, kinks... other stuff... Idk I’m too tired. 

Jumping right in where we left off. Eva writes about the Dreamer’s organization growing practically overnight and the amount of publicity he had to go through; she talks about interviews, photo shoots, calendars and merchandise. It pulls the attention back from the good vs. evil and the moral debate we discussed in the previous portion of this analysis and reminds us that while Logan and Roman are at opposite ends and fight for morality (whether misguided or not); the organization that was created for the Dreamer is not concerned with those things. No, they are they are there for profit and power; both of which is provided by the Dreamer. This is no doubt exactly what Roman’s father was hoping for when he mutilated and tortured his son into being the ‘symbol of hope’ that he is now.

Our attention is also brought back to the fact that despite his love for the spotlight, Roman is a man of action when it comes to protecting others. It is pointed out that Roman ‘found the publicity work hard to bear at first’ (Whatwashernameagain). After all the time he spent changing himself, putting himself though such agonizing pain, he is found, once again, waiting. The photos the interviews, they are excused by his team explaining that that was how you saved the world in such a media driven society…. Well…. Honestly this kind of pisses me off lol. Because, the reality of it is… That that is partially true. Granted, the cure for cancer isn’t going to be found through Facebook posts… But the publicity can cause enough financial support to fund the research that leads to its discovery.  Take Myllena Braz da Silva and Gabriel Martins, two Brazilian students who despite being a part of a less than booming town discovered a way to make new drugs that cost less money and time which could save millions of lives that are loss due to Zika (and they were High School students at the time!) but because they didn’t present this information in an attractive way or to enough people their work has pretty much been overlooked (“Abstract Search.”). It just goes to show you how much this world relies on the media and dramatizations.

I suppose the thing that upsets me the most is the line: “Chastised, Roman had deferred to their expertise” (Whatwashernameagain). This line is perfect here. After feeding Roman the lines about the necessity of social media despite Roman knowing at this core that he needed to act rather than make money for someone else, he reminds himself that these people know more than he does, that he is lessor than they in some way. It reminds the reader that despite his strength and his morals, Roman is still, at his core, an insecure child.

We are also once again, presented with the contrast between he and Logan. Roman mention Instagram and Twitter; places that are used to display yourself but are not very good means of communicating between him and his fans/supporters. While the Utilitarianist is mentioned using Discord and Tumblr; two social media platforms that are highly influenced by the people who contribute to them. Discord allows direct conversations between individuals and Tumblr allows for messaging, asks, etc. It is a subtle difference but one I quite enjoy.

Roman also mentions the was Logan’s groups ‘doing his dirty work, popped up all over the web like toxic mushrooms’ (Whatwashernameagain). Eva always has a way with metaphors. I think that Logan would have both good and bad things to say about this, however. Firstly, I think he would understand that Roman meant this as an insult. Secondly, he would probably not hesitated to point out to the incompetent man that there are some species of toxic mushrooms that theoretically produce billions of compounds through 1 molecular assembly line and can precisely target cells inside the human body and thusly can offer potential medicinal purposes which can lead to new medicines (“Do Poisonous Mushrooms Have a Pharmaceutical Purpose?”). Afterall many cyclic peptides are already known to be important drugs against things such as tuberculosis Staphylococcus, and even cancer (“Do Poisonous Mushrooms Have a Pharmaceutical Purpose?”). So, once again, Logan maybe viewed as bad (just as this toxic mushroom metaphor is) but he might be the medicine this world truly needs (at least… according to him).

“Tirelessly, he tried to remind the world of what mattered, using bold words to paint a bright and colorful picture of the future he truly believed in. A future of unity. They mustn’t lose sight of what mattered – standing together, fighting the hate the Utilitarianist spread with his extremism that called to simple solutions. To violence. Being kind was harder, almost impossibly hard, but Roman would not lose himself in hate, and he knew his fellow Americans wouldn’t either. Breaking the law and turning to murder would not save the planet, it would turn them into monsters” (Whatwashernameagain).

I would like to say that I only want to touch on this para briefly… but let’s be honest, I am rarely brief about anything. Most of what I am about to say is opinion. I have no facts or quotes to back me up on this; everything is simply my experience. Roman brings to light something I tell people all the time, though I am usually ignored. Actually, the question I get most often when people find out that I use to be Law Enforcement is generally ‘You seem to nice/kind to have been a cop’. I usually counter with a ‘you don’t know enough cops’… But when you really get down to it, I think there is a number of reasons people believe that; though I’m not going to get into the political ones. No, the one I want to focus on is hatred. I’ve seen a lot of it. I’ve seen what a person can do to another in the name of hatred. I’ve witnessed it firsthand… been on the receiving end of it…. Watched co-workers, friends, family… be eaten away by it. Here is the truth: hatred is a virus that lays dormant in us all. It is already a part of us, whether we know it or not. Once it is activated but whatever means… it grows and if we let it, it consumes us… If that hatred is seen by or directed towards another it is possible that the hatred that lies dormant inside them is activated…. From there it spreads… like an epidemic… Only epidemics have a cure… Hatred never goes away permanently. It is apart of us. If it is ‘cured’ the virus is still there, it is merely reverted back to its dormant stage… waiting for another chance to be activated.

I’ve watched it spread and spread… even when I was very little and I told myself that ‘that won’t be me’ but… hatred exists in all of us. So, what’s the ‘cure’ that will revert hatred back to its dormant state? Choice. Roman is right… Kindness is so much harder because it is not engrained in us… it is taught… whether by someone else or self-taught. Kindness is a choice. Happiness is a choice… I mentioned the effect of our thoughts on the outer world during Chapter 1. We choose out thoughts, we choose the effect we want to have, we choose kindness. Don’t the person who treated you poorly, pity them… What kind of sad life must they have lived to feel that it is acceptable to treat someone like they do… Or what kind of emotional baggage do they carry that makes them crave the feeling of hatred over numbness… Pity them… They’ve obvious lived a horrible life. Reach out a hand… Who knows… Maybe you’ll save a life rather than ruining on. You don’t have to forgive them… Some times you can’t… but you can be kind without forgiveness.

This of course, is all more difficult than it sounds and it took me years to manage it but it is true and possible. Hatred can be combatted with kindness. Forgiveness comes in time. Help those that hate you; they are misguided. In the end, hatred harms yourself more than others.

Okay… I think I might need to move on…. Ready for some whiplash?

“Even as Roman got to shake the hand of the president, he felt he was not doing enough. He should be out there, fighting harder.

Even after chasing him for almost a year now, Roman felt those things as strongly as ever. He was right, gosh darn it! How could this irritating man not see the merit of a peaceful solution? Who didn’t want peace?!” (Whatwashernameagain)

Poor poor Roman. I love him so much. The poor baby is obviously still having trouble with patience… or rather not-acting. The first line is a reminder that Roman is never enough for himself. He always has to be better, has to do better. I… can understand that. Perhaps if he ever considers himself enough for his father than he might consider himself enough for himself… but he never will be, will he? Enough for his father I mean…

But that revolution I mentioned at the beginning of Chapter 2 analysis is starting to rear its beautiful head. We see Roman starting to get more antsy than ever. Despite the reminder that he considers his team ‘wiser’ when it comes to these things, it is obvious that those thoughts are starting to wear thin. We see Roman’s exasperation grow with the frustrated tones of the last few sentences.

Though his frustration isn’t just directed towards himself and his team but towards the Utilitarianist as well. Roman has proven (as I covered in the last section of the analysis) that he believes all people are inherently good. So, you can imagine his frustration at the fact that his actions towards Logan lead nowhere. The catch is, we know Logan is good at heart and that Roman is as well; they just don’t know that about the other… Though I think Logan has an inkling.

Finally, we see Roman go against orders to keep his mouth shut and the hero confronts his villain for the first time. The setting could no be more perfect, Eva always does have quite the way of picking the perfect atmosphere for these kinds of things. “The wind created by the rotor blades of the approaching helicopter whipping at their clothes on the roof-top almost carried away his words” (Whatwashernameagain). Chaos is created in the scene by the helicopter making it hard to hear each other. Its really fantastic symbolism for their current state in their relationship and perhaps in themselves as well.

Roman is born from chaos. His misguided aspiration for his father’s love. The work that defines him being nothing more than a payload for said father. His fight to follow his team while ignoring the growing need to physically act. The good he wants to do by basically doing things that might not be what we would consider good or for good (mostly because its pretty much all for profit, not that Roman knows that).

Logan may not be born from chaos but he /is/ chaos. Logan is a great example of doing bad things for good reasons… Which in and of itself is fairly chaotic. Not to mention with every act he sends the world through another wave of chaos as well. His entire goal is to turn the economic world on its head in the first place… talk about chaos.

I love that the first line Roman ever speaks to the villain is “Why must you be so impossible?” (Whatwashernameagain). Fairly simplistic words, not much to be impressed about? I would disagree. The words are spoken with such informality that it is almost as if they knew each other, and in a way, I suppose that they. They’ve been meeting for over a year; fighting for over a year.  They may not have spoken but they knew each other enough by now… at least that is what it felt like. No doubt when your world revolves around someone else, whether good or bad you feel like you know then. Logan is probably the only person in the world that knew Roman or that Roman felt like he knew even if they hadn’t spoken. Logan, at this point, is the closest thing to a friend that Roman has.

In the same paragraph we also see Roman’s sass returning, lightening our lives once more as he claims that Logan would be the cause of his death; that “He’d kill him with exasperation” (Whatwashernameagain). The way Roman almost curses but catches himself is also so wholesome. A gentleman would never lower himself to such language, of course.

And Logan, usually so cool and collected is pulled into Roman’s frustration. We see Logan’s struggle to keep himself in check and yet he indulges in himself, in such a human reaction. I’ve mentioned it before, but I’d like to point it out once more; Roman is a symbol of Logan’s humanity. Logan does his best not to feel regular emotions, he prefers to think of himself as a computer rather than human; the only time we really see Logan’s composure break is when he is facing Roman. Roman brings out these emotions in him; brings out the human part of him. We see that again here when Logan is unable to keep from replying.

“You cannot be serious. How dare you refer to me as impossible, you simple fool?” (Whatwashernameagian)

Once again, the words are simplistic and familiar, though they are spoken by Logan this time. The familiarity is there just as it is with Roman, despite the fact that he is insulting him. Once again it is possible (probable actually) that Roman is the closest thing Logan has to a friend. He does, after all build an AI to keep him company (along with doing his calculations).

We also see Roman try and be Logan’s conscious as well, which might be needed; after all computers don’t have a conscious; lecturing him about kidnapping and setting things on fire and worst of all ‘drowning [Roman] in frying fat!’… Though I don’t think there would be very many people upset about seeing Roman all oiled up… I know I wouldn’t. The reader’s attention is pulled back to Roman’s team members as Eva mentions the ‘ever-polite voice in his earpiece’ that was trying to get him under control; once again showing the difference between the team and Roman, himself.

The two men continue to argue bringing up a few valid points. Logan points out Roman’s ‘selfish’ thinking, which though we know, as the reader, isn’t exactly accurate it is understandable to believe that that is where Roman is coming from. He also points out that Roman is nothing by a monkey for the press and won’t be the one to bring about the revolution the world needs. Logan’s POV is accurate: Roman is acting as a monkey for his team and that on his present course there will be no revolution if he continues to follow them… Foreshadowing anyone?

““You- you unbelievable, impossible, infuriating villain – how could you dare to- I am attempting to save the world! You are trying to destroy it!” He’d howled, flailing uselessly with frustrated energy.

His righteous claim seemed to rile up the terrorist even more. Taking a few steps towards him over the cement that was starting to heat with the flames beneath them, he jabbed his finger at him” (Whatwashernameagain).

First off, I find it absolutely adorable that Roman is stuttering with his insults. I’m sure his opinion of Logan being unbelievable, impossible, and infuriating will never change. In fact, I would bet on it. They already sound like a married couple. I love them so much!

Looking beyond that, I really love the imagery here. This interaction is going to be the foundation of their companionship (if there will be a companionship which I am certain there will be); like the cement that Logan is crossing. In fact, the imagery of the cement heating with the flames beneath them can be a nod to a number of things. First it could represent the world around them burning and neither of them able to pay attention to anything but the other (which I am just ruined for); or it could be the heat of their passion for good, both extremely intense, both dangerous, both destructive in their own way (Logan physically and Roman’s political/economically).

Their argument continues, each calling the other stupid. We see Roman’s view on good vs. evil once more (which I’ve already covered; not to say it repeated… no the inflection on it is simply to remind us that Roman is a three-dimensional character who cares deeply about the subject). We see Logan losing himself to the humanity Roman brings out in him. We also see (which is my favorite part of the argument) Logan’s accusation about ‘selling topless calendars’ and the ‘heeled boots’. Why is this important? Well, Logan is a busy man he wouldn’t pay too close attention to what Roman’s next public exploit would be… Yet he knows about the topless calendars? I would put my money on the idea that he examined them… ‘for research purposes’ of course. As for the heeled boots well… We already know Remy’s opinion of dat ass… Heels only improve it 😉.

“The villain’s rant was interrupted as a sneaker hit his head from above. His supporters were exasperatedly waving at him to climb into the helicopter they had been screaming over before the police managed to arrest them, just as Roman’s operator had frantically urged him to free his leg and catch the man standing mere feet from him” (Whatwashernameagain).

Once again, we see the stark contrast between the hero and villain here; or rather… the similarity. Logan’s followers are urging him to leave the hero and move on, as he should have done in the first place. Eva compares then to the person on the other end of Roman’s ear piece. Both of them are a sense of reality that these men should be focused on rather than one another and yet neither seems to be able to pull themselves away from the other without an outside influence. They are both utterly hopeless and I love them.

Also #savetheworldtopless and #justpathologicallyevil should totally be a thing! Only #savetheworldtopless should be pictures of all different shapes and sizes of people in superhero poses either topless or like sportsbras/binders etc. basically how they seem themselves or how they want themselves to be; and #justpathologicallyevil should be full of adorable pictures of like cats and things doing mischievous things… I love these!!!

As for Roman’s operator quitting… good riddance. If that’s all it took, then he def wasn’t cut out for that job. Besides, not letting my baby speak is a sin against all mankind.

I’m so excited for the next para!

“Roman felt guilty for getting into an argument and behaving unprofessionally, but somehow, he felt like it had also gotten him closer to understanding the other man. He wasn’t a faceless monster but a person one could talk to – if a truly irritating and rude one – and people could be changed. Roman was good at convincing others of his position. His bright, attractive smile, warm and sweet manners and his polite reasoning had brought plenty of people around. Despite the continued threat of an escalation between the Utilitarianist’s supporters and his opposition, most people still liked Roman” (Whatwashernameagain).  

This chapter has spent a lot of time ‘villainizing’ Logan (with good reason) the point of view of the Dream and its team is meant to paint Logan in that light; and thus far Eva has done so very effectively. Here, however, we see Roman reconsidering these points. For the first time Roman is looking past the mask and at the man behind it. It is not that he does not see Logan as a villain but rather he sees him as a human as well. That’s Roman for you though, caring about every human even the ones he considers bad or ‘evil’. I suppose this is a first for Logan as well. People don’t tend to look beyond the Utilitarianist to see the man underneath… they’re not suppose to either but here Roman sits seeing a man that can be swayed, a man that struggles with the good and the bad as we all do. Once again, we see Roman focusing on the individual once more.

“He brought the idea up at a team meeting, believing he’d finally found a way to work more effectively. However, he was turned down gently. They gave him to understand that he had misjudges the villain and that his attempts to negotiate with terrorists could have disastrous consequences. Chastised and feeling like a child make a dumb suggestion at the dinner table, he gave up. Still, despite his best intentions, he wound up arguing with the other again and again” (Whatwashernameagain).

Once again, we see how Roman’s team mistreats him; though they do so, subtly. We see Roman’s attempt at a solution that actually has some merit and may work and yet he is treated like the child they see him as and cast aside as if he didn’t have any weight on the matter. His intelligence is constantly insulted (though not obviously enough for him to feel offended). His goals do not align with that of the teams and therefore are inconsequential. However, Eva points out that the unlike how it was before (Roman making a suggestion, the team shooting him down and he dropping it) the arguments seemed to continue… perhaps this is because Roman is getting more confident? Pushing his boundaries? Leading himself to revolution?

“Their rivalry came to a crescendo when one of their fights once again distracted both of them. He had no idea why this man managed to make his blood boil this much with his talk about superior logic and necessity. Necessity his ass. (Roman would of course never say such a thing out loud, but still.)” (Whatwashernameagain)

This says a lot about Roman. His attention on Logan is continuously growing. He is paying more and more attention to the man as a person and not just as a villain. I mentioned before that Roman probably sees the similarities between Logan and his father but there are a few things he addresses with Logan that he would never say/do with his father. Here is perhaps the only man he is able to interact with (though perhaps not under the best circumstances) that is not pushing his own agenda on the man or putting him down. Someone he can actually argue with without being chastised by the other for the act. He is treated as an equal even if they are name calling one another and that is a big step for the hero; most of the people he deals with always treats him as if he is some child that needs to be seen not heard but Logan… Logan will indulge his passions, argue his points, allow him to be the passionate man he is. To Roman, Logan is an outlet for his passions and allows him to express himself as he truly is, not as his teams wants to be. It is no doubt a refreshing change.

During one of their arguments a pipe bursts over Logan’s head and without pause or consideration Roman rushes to save him, injuring himself fairly badly in the process; to the point that he needed immediate medical attention. Of course, he could heal very quickly but Logan doesn’t know this. I bring this up for two reasons.

Firstly, imagine what this means for Roman. Roman is driven by passion. He cares deeply for every living soul and he views Logan as a misguided person whose heart can be changed. So, when that person’s life is on the line he doesn’t think twice before jumping in the way to save him. This of course is going to cause a lot of issues with his team and perhaps the public but to him a life is a life and Logan’s is perhaps the closest person to him at the moment.

Logan on the other hand doesn’t really consider the individual life too important. It isn’t to say that he doesn’t care for each life in and of itself but if a single life lost would save countless then he wouldn’t hesitate to pull that trigger. To him, it is only logical. He knows that he has endangered and killed a number of people and it would be logical for Roman to allow him to die to advance his own agenda. So, when Roman saves him it no doubt takes a few minutes to process it all. No doubt he had to recalculate all of their interactions. Up until this point he had viewed Roman as nothing but a puppet for political/economic gain and yet… he had saved Logan… For no other reason than to save a life… He perhaps sees Roman’s truly pure intentions for the first time (no doubt cementing his opinion that the guy is an idiot). Logan in return drags Roman from the building and delivers him to an ambulance and we get to see the wonderful gift that is protective Logan… One of my favorite flavors!

Of course, our progress must have some repercussions; which means right on cue Roman’s father appears. Two years has past since Roman became the Dreamer and we’ve barely heard mention of the man. He tends to show up only when Roman does something wrong or if it is advantageous to him; which only cements the image that he’s a no-good money sucker that Roman is better off without.  In fact, apparently Roman hasn’t seen the guy in months, which brings out the hero’s denial: “Roman understood he was doing important work, though. It was alright. . Sadly, his father had not been as pleased as he had so desperately hoped.” (Whatwashernameagain).

Denial and rationalization all over again, though I’m going to avoid the Freudian jargon as best I can because this section is already going to be so very long. Eva always has a way of pulling at the reader’s heartstrings with such simplicity and it is truly beautiful. With her last line, mentioning Roman’s desperate hope, my heart breaks. He still wants his father’s approval so badly that it hurts him. He truly is a child at heart when it comes to his father… The poor baby.

The conversation that ensues reminds the reader of the trauma that Roman has gone through to be the man that he is… To be what he thought his father wanted him to be… What the world wants him to be. We see his father’s anger as he demands an explanation and Roman’s immediate instinct to draw his knees close to his chest, curling up on himself as if to protect him from his father’s wrath or the emotions he brings out of the young man. Now it is possible that Roman’s father never laid a hand on him (honestly, I would be surprised if he had. That would mean he actually cared enough to beat the boy and I doubt he ‘wasted his time’ with that.) and this is just an instinctive reaction most people have when faced with emotional distressing situation. Though there is no proof of physical abuse we are already aware of the emotional abuse the man has put his son through, which can be just as bad.

We also see Roman hiding his pain ‘like he’d learned.’ Learned where? Learned during the countless horrific experiments and alterations he endured to become what he thought his father wanted him to be; just to find out his father still viewed him as practically worthless? Or was it before hand? Before all this? Either way when Logan finds out that the sorry POS of a ‘father’ treated Roman so horribly… I hope he gets what is coming to him (though I realize Roman will probably keep that from happening)!

“The rebuke hurt sharply. Swallowing, Roman tried to explain his reasoning he’d never thought he’d have to defend. The place was filled with people who were supposed to support him, yet he felt entirely alone” (Whatwashernameagain).

Roman’s father chastises him for letting Logan live and I think that Roman’s illusion of who is father is may be starting to crack a bit. At Roman’s core ever SINGLE life counts; it is one of the many reasons he became the Dreamer in the first place. But his father doesn’t give a damn about anyone else’s life but his own. As long as he’s making money that all he cares about. We also see Roman finally beginning to realize that despite the fact that he is surrounded by people that he has known for two years now, who are supposed to support him… he /is/ entirely alone.

“This would have been the perfect opportunity. You need to decide if you have what it takes or if you weren’t the right choice after all. Next time this chance presents itself, you let this god damn terrorist die instead of spreading his filth from a luxury prison.” His father had barked at him before leaving him alone to fear losing everything he’d bled for. Everything he’d become. Without the Dreamer, he had no idea who he was” (Whatwashernameagain).

The contrast between these two are as apparent as ever, here. His father is lecturing him to do exactly what Roman is whole heartedly against. He wants Roman to let someone die. He wants Roman to ignore the very core of his being… he wants him to be something Roman can never be and equivalently kill someone. The thing is, if Roman straight out refuses his father everything he has worked for, everything he fights for daily would be stripped from him. The fear of losing something you have worked so hard for is devastating. But it’s a bit more than that for Roman. He has changed everything about his life for this. His physical appearance, the way he lives, everything… I don’t think he realizes this because he would never think something so dark about his father but… If the Dreamer persona is stripped from him Roman would not get to roam free… His father has put in far too much work to create him, he knows to much, he is too much of a liability. No, Roman would either be locked up or killed if the Dreamer was ever taken away from him.

But that also begs the question, can the Dreamer be taken away from him? The Dreamer is a concept, an ideal of what Roman wished to be. Sure, they can pull him from the spot light, take away his team, hide him from the world but as long as Roman’s beliefs are the same and he has the will to keep going then the Dreamer is eternal. The problem is that Roman still lacks the self confidence to realize this. He believes that he is nothing but an over glorified child without his team. Once he realizes this is not the case… Well… Viva La Revolution!

We do see the beginning of these thoughts in the next para however. Roman is starting to question his team and his father. “Was this really what the Dreamer was? He’d tried too hard to keep the peace and catch the Utilitarianist when there were other things he could be doing. They’d told him to leave the crime fighting to the police. His image was the most powerful thing about him” (Whatwashernameagain). He is questioning everything which is good… Well, good in the long run; honestly for him, its no doubt terrifying.

But consider the fact that the one person that ignited the flame that pushed him to ask such question is the very person he is supposed to be rivaled with, the person he is supposed to allow to die. Logan. Roman is many things to the villain: his hope, his humanity, his source of emotion and irritation, his light. But Logan are certain things to the hero as well: his hope, his reality, his sense of questioning, his window into the social world… His proof that everything is no as black and white as he once believed, his chance at a relationship that isn’t riddled with abuse and deception. The irony behind this should not be overlooked. It is so beautiful.

Roman goes on to compare himself to Superman and Wonderwoman which I just adore! That is so very Roman! He points out that Superman couldn’t concern himself with petty thieves but Wonderwoman most certainly would. I love this for a number of reasons. Firstly, we already knew that Roman read comic books, but this really pulls the image of baby Roman sitting under the covers late at night with a flash light pouring over the pages of every type of comic (well at least DC comics). Secondly, despite the fact that Roman good up with such a heavy emphasis on society’s view of masculinity shoved down his throat one of the greatest heroes in his mind is Wonderwoman! I love it! I love it! I love it! The comicbook version of Wonderwoman is a fantastic role model for anyone! Much better than Superman in my opinion! I mean the writers themselves are fantastic! There is actually an entire scene in which Diane is seen nude during an issue and the writers never exploit this. Context: Diane sleeps in the nude. Someone wakes her and they talk while she takes her time dressing. That is it. It is not drawn in a way that sexualizes her or implies anything of the sort. It is simply written/drawn as nothing more than a person dressing and I really appreciate that… though I suppose I am getting off track.

We can also view the difference between implications of comparing himself between Superman and Wonderwoman and the Masculine and Feminine views both represent. Superman is no doubt the way his father would prefer him to aspire to be. Superman is perhaps the most masculine image one could manage to conjure. He is strong, indestructible, not concerned with trivial issues, uses his strength and power to win and always gets the girl. The image of a man. Wonderwoman however, is a bit different. She is strong and practically indestructible sure, but she goes about using her abilities a different way. Instead of fighting all the time or causing more destruction she tends to outsmart her opponents when she can and shows care and compassion to all creatures. Superman focuses on strength and durability; Wonderwoman focuses on skill, training, knowledge. She is not concerned with romance or power; she just wants good for the world; just as Roman does.

We also begin to see Roman work out some of the things we have mentioned, on his own. He begins to question why Logan would save him? Perhaps he questions if the man’s intentions may be better than he had originally given him credit for. He can’t seem to shake his concerns with his own work. The concerns lead him to question his team more and more:

“His doubts wouldn’t leave him alone until eventually, he chose to do what he was most afraid of. He went against the advice of his team.

He’d been sitting around for months, while the Utilitarianist had been busy attacking the Hong-Kong Stock market. Roman quietly wondered why he was never dispatched to other countries to help. His nemesis had stopped limiting himself to the States long ago” (Whatwashernameagain).

It is obvious that there are a few reasons why Roman’s team keeps him in America. Perhaps the most prominent reason is the fact that the people who control Roman are in America and make most of their money from his exploits there. There is no reason to help those over seas if there is no profit for it. Yet, Logan is not bound by these rules. Logan is attempting to save the world and to Roman his goal is to take down Logan. So, once again we see just how much Roman’s team is holding him back and the excuses they use to hide their real intentions (‘Perhaps his team was worried he’d upset someone by remarking that the conditions of those workers truly were less than glittery’ (Whatwashernameagain).).

A situation in Mexico is brought to our attention, Eva does a fantastic job (as usual) to describe the severity of the scene and a new character is introduced: Virgil!!! We see right away that Virgil is a little different than the rest of the team. As Roman’s new operator we he hacks into the bank’s database and gets Roman a floorplan (no doubt against the advisement of the rest of the team). This already sets him apart from the others. For the first time since Roman became the Dreamer we see someone finally working /with/ him rather than discarding his intentions and thoughts. Finally, we have someone to help our wonderful and beautiful boy! The best part is that might be the boost Roman needed! “This was the right thing to do, he felt it. He had to breathe new life into the idea of the Dreamer. He had to be a proper hero again” (Whatwashernameagain).

Of course, when he pitches the idea to his team he is immediately shot down, discarded like the child they saw him as. Only this time, things were handled a bit differently: “Instead of the usual, fatherly patience and kind amusement at his misplaced enthusiasm, he was told off curtly. Without results, Roman was losing their favor” (Whatwashernameagain). Roman has been acting more and more independently which implied that they were losing control of him as an asset and that no doubt caused some tension between his team and their higher ups which was no doubt taken out on Roman.

“Feeling unsteady, he shuffled onto the cold light of the corridor of their underground base. Despite his terror of losing the place he called home, the reporting about the children held hostage would not stop replaying in his head. He’d been told watching the news would only upset him and he should rather rely on the updates they cut together for him, but he was starting to think he would only have found out about the situation far too late when irritated reporters would have asked him where he was when the children were shot. He couldn’t let it come to that!” (Whatwashernameagain).

This para gives me life! This is a dawning of a new age! A new Dreamer! A new Roman! We start out with him defeated (not surprisingly); fearful on his thoughts because you know he’s thinking of going to Mexico anyways and that could cause him to lose his home. The catch is, this has never been his home; it has been the place he has been used and discarded but it is the only ‘home’ he’s ever really known. Sure, before he became the Dreamer he had a different ‘home’ but it is all the same thing. He was ignored unless useful there just as he is here. Still, if its all you’ve ever known, losing it would be terrifying…. Being alone in the world, with nothing to your name… it’s a horrible reality.

Still, he obviously is not letting this go. The news of the children being held hostage is something Roman can’t forget. This is not surprising at all. Roman is a sheltered person. He is not use to seeing such things on the news. In fact, the next sentence reminds us that the only information that he is aware of tends to be the information fed to him; to help control him. It is horrible. But it also causes him to be more sensitive to these kinds of things. I can’t remember if I brought this up before so I will do so again here. The majority of us that open ourselves up to television or social media become desensitized to it all.

For instance, the average 18-year old observes approximately 6,000 acts of violence on television and in movies in one year (Browne and Hamilton-Giachritsis 2005; Center for Research Excellence 2009). Desensitization has been studied primarily as a consequence of exposure to violent video games (e.g., Anderson et al. 2010; Carnagey et al. 2007), so less is known about desensitization to violence encountered in real life or on television and in movies. Despite the many commonalities between real-life and media violence and their effects on adjustment, these two types of exposure to violence rarely have been studied together. It has also been proven that the more desensitized to violence that we become the more violent we become in turn.

Of course, this is just a information about desensitization in regards to violence which includes things like the bank robbery, children being held hostage etc. Consider this: How many times have you scrolled through facebook or some other social media platform and saw a post about a missing person or a shooting or something similar? And how many times have you ignored it and continued to scroll? The truth is, the more you see it the more you ignore it. But what then? Well, then we’ve become part of the problem, haven’t we? By not helping we become the ignorance that is wrong with the world. So, next time you see one of those post… share, reblog… who knows maybe you’ll be that one person to get the word just far enough for them to be found/saved. Don’t let your desensitization get the better of you.

But once again I’m getting off track. My point was, for someone who is not expose to as much violence or horrific deeds as the typical American, something that we consider small (like a bank hold up) can be traumatizing; and poor sweet Roman has been sheltered from these things for some time. Sure, he has seen some really bad stuff but its all what they want him to see… all being fed to him… this… this is different.

Desensitization aside, this para is the stepping stone into Roman’s rebellion! We see him question his team, perhaps not for the first time but close to it: “he was starting to think he would only have found out about the situation far too late when irritated reporters would have asked him where he was when the children were shot” (Whatwashernameagain). Then we see him immediately rebuke them (at least mentally): “He couldn’t let it come to that!” (Whatwashernameagain). Roman is finally growing into his own. He is finally beginning to that that step and begin thinking for himself! This is character development!

Now, enter Virgil Stage Left! Virgil appears just when Roman needs a good kick in the but to get him moving, much like Remy did when Logan needed it as well. It is a good reminder that even when we are struggling whether with the outside world or with ourselves there come a point in time where we could do with a bit of companionship. Humans, after all, are social creatures.

The great thing about his appearance is that with his sense of sarcastic remarks Roman is immediately defensive, preparing to defend his ‘honor’ but we wee him pause as he notices Virgil’s disappointed posture. This is another small contrast between Roman and Logan that I love. Though we don’t actually see Logan reading people’s body language I get the feeling he would be very bad at it. He doesn’t exactly surround himself in situations in which it is required. Roman however, no doubt is trained to read other’s body languages. Yes, I mean formally trained though his emotional abuse has no doubt conditioned him to study it as well. A person who is used to being degraded or yelled out over analyzes every twitch, every smile, every shift of the eyes. Every movement is considered a countdown to the next time they will be abused, it is truly an anxious existence. This of course is just scratching the surface of the trauma Roman has been through but it is brought up in such a subtly beautiful way that really gives testament to Eva’s skill, as always.

The slump in Virgil’s shoulders no doubt screams at Roman just as most postures do. He is not a stranger to disappointment especially from his team. This time though he realizes its different. Virgil isn’t necessarily disappointed in what Roman has done but what he hasn’t done; which is quite heartwarming. Virgil is upset because Roman is not following through with his plan despite his team’s refusal. He /wants/ Roman to be who he is… Which may be the first time Roman has ever experienced such support. The first time someone has shown true untainted support for /him/ not what/who he is supposed to be for them. There comes a time during the cusp of every revolution that a straw breaks a back… A shot is fired…. War breaks out… Perhaps, Roman has finally found his straw in Virgil? Perhaps all he ever needed to begin his revolution was the support of a single person to be who he was.

““No. I’m not backing off. I’m taking a running start.” He’d promised, before striding down the corridor and grabbing a startled Virgil’s wrist on the way. He still needed that one.” (Whatwashernameagain). It seems like a beautiful partnership has begun. I have a feeling this dynamic duo is going to cause a lot of trouble for more than just Logan.

Eva also uses a comparison of Roman sneaking out of the facility to breaking out of prison; which I feel is a very good analogy. The facility is in fact a prison for Roman. He is not a free man in any sense of the word. Even his personality is held captive behind those walls. I also mentioned earlier that Roman’s father would never allow Roman to be free. Roman is too much of a liability. He knows to much. This is one of the many reasons why he is to be locked away until it is time for his media appearances. He is sheltered from the real world just like any prisoner, only allowed certain activities that limit his interaction with the public. He is monitored constantly. It is very fitting.

“The armed robbers were no match for the quiet, cat-like stride of the trained hero. He caught one after the other, knocking them out with ease. This was far simpler than fighting a man like the Utilitarianist” (Whatwashernameagain).

‘Cat-like’? You mean like a certain villain that purr-fers to wear the mask of a feline? Speaking of which, it seems that Roman can’t get the man off his mind even when he’s in the middle of another dangerous mission… and does that almost sound like… admiration?

The next scene shows Roman being as heroic as ever as he carries out a pregnant woman and other out of the building and I have to say Roman+children=my heart exploding. Its just so pure and wonderful and the way she just tugs at his costume just makes me weak.

“Roman barely managed to calm them. He hadn’t been greeted with such honest joy in so long, he was utterly baffled by their adoration. When he finally managed to speak, his voice was thick with emotion.

“Fellow citizens of the world, I have realized that the time for borders is behind us! In these frightening times we must understand that our differences are mere illusions, stand together and give each other hope. Our love and belief in each other shall prevail over evil!”” (Whatwashernameagain).

Roman just made a seriously hard move. Roman is faced with real genuine joy and appreciation; something he probably has never experienced. His team probably pulls him away from situation where he would get the chance to; of course, they would to simply avoid him saying something that wasn’t scripted. This is probably the moment that he realizes that though his team treats his opinions and intentions as bothersome the public sees them as he does: a chance to change the world.

We also get to see Roman take that final step over the edge of the cliff that he has been teetering on for some time now. We see him finally choose to step out into the nothingness where he expects to plummet to his doom; everything that he has worked for stripped away from him. But as he speaks to the world, as he watches their reaction, we don’t see him fall; we see him fly! And because of this, and the elated reaction of his new partner-in-crime we see him swell with pride.

“Finally, he was what he was supposed to be.” (Whatwashernameagain).

This line… This beautiful stunning line says everything that we knew but it also says more. It says that Roman has shed his father and team’s control on him. He has cast aside the image they are painting of him and breaking out into his own. Shots have been fired and there will no doubt be a fallout but for now… It is official, the revolution has begun!!!

“The atmosphere in the underground compound changed. Roman felt the shift, the tension around himself clearly and suffered it with disappointment. It was like being home again. A child whose childishness was barely tolerated. Quiet and shy and feeling unwanted” (Whatwashernameagain).

This reinforces the image Eva has been painting of Roman’s childhood. He compares the new temperament of the compound to his childhood home and the abuse he experienced there. It is the same disappointment, worthless undesirable feeling that his father had caused him to feel for so long. This no doubt would cause the man to be triggered. The only question that remains is, is he strong enough to move past it?

“Despite the repeated attempts to impress the importance of following his team’s directions, he planned and executed more mission with Virgil. He was his one saving grace. Since he was actually starting to make a difference, the two men felt more at ease with each other. Though they were mostly bickering with each other, Roman had found someone to rely on. His fluttering nerves around the moody man calmed, allowing him to fall back on the safety of the Dreamer’s personality less and less. They were a team of two now, instead of the pride of the Conglomerate. It was alright. He was one more person than Roman used to have” (Whatwashernameagain).

Roman is making leaps and bounds in his warpath (I use warpath as a metaphor, this is a revolution afterall). He has taught himself that a single man’s genuine acceptance and affection (not to mention affirmation) is far more valuable than the faux appreciation of a crowd of individuals and this is partially due to Virgil’s support. Now, the two of them argue and fuss but let’s face it between Virgil and Logan this is the only form of true affection Roman has ever experienced. It is only logical that Roman now associates the bickering and affection. The coldness his father shows him, the lack of attention at all has been pounded into him over the years making something as simple as the attention enough to argue with him far more heartwarming than it should be. In fact, the arguments and the moodiness of Virgil seems to calm Roman as he interprets it to be a platonic sense of caring that comes with the smaller man. This will no doubt reinforce his attraction to Logan later as well.

Logan was once considered cold just as Roman’s father, perhaps reminding the hero of the man he aspired to be loved by which no doubt drew him in in the first place. Yet, as they grew closer and Logan began to show the attention Roman longed for, though their arguments and even care when Logan returned the favor of saving his life. With Roman’s interpretations as they are now it is no wonder that he would turn to the man that has shown him more affection than anyone else in the world when he is finally broken and bruised.

Over the next few paragraphs we see Roman surprisingly taking the bait that the Utilitarianist had laid out for the world, working unintentionally, with Logan. We also see his team step up just about the time they are able to profit from it (surprise, surprise). Of course, poor innocent Roman misinterprets this as support, but it is not necessarily a bad thing; at least not yet.

Naturally, as soon as the team steps back in Roman reverts to his old habits; becoming discouraged, calling himself an idiot and generally being self-deprecating. He then resolves to listen to his team more carefully and follow their advice once more. Honestly though, I love the contrast between the team and Virgil. They are like two sides of Roman’s subconscious…. Almost like those angels and devils that pop up on each shoulder in the cartoons. On one hand, Roman’s team pulls him back to his father where his self-conscious and cautious. While, on the other hand, Virgil pulls him towards the light where he is proud and triumphant, confident and bright. The issue is, if he continues to stand in the middle being pulled in two different directions, he may be ripped in two… and if that happens it is possible, he wont be able to be put back together again.

Also: “Roman had sworn to himself to help him feel more accepted in the team. He’d never wanted anyone to feel as isolated as he had most of his life” (Whatwashernameagain). It is possible that Roman is so adamant about Virgil feeling accepted by the team because he knows exactly how it feels to be isolated and alone. He knows how it feels to be cast aside and be considered worthless or idiotic. He knows how horrible it can make you feel, and he wants to make sure that no one feels that way especially someone he cares so deeply for like Virgil.

The next para moves on to talk about the Utilitarianist and the LGBTQ+ community and honestly the imagery is lovely! Of course, Logan would be an icon for the gay community. The Utilitarianist is known for his radical beliefs that stir huge movements around the globe. It wasn’t that long again that the simple act of two men kiss was considered just that: radical. I won’t pretend to know a lot about the social movement; I don’t. I may be LGBTQ+ but I was never a big part of the community until recently. I grew up in small towns. I didn’t even meet someone like myself until high school… So, I’m still a bit lacking in a lot of information that could be gained through that social outlet (I’m serious, a friend of me had to explain a lot of terminology when I first moved into the city… I may not have had physical flash cards like Logan’s but I def had mental ones). Still, I know enough about Gender Studies in literature to help support my argument here.

So, for those of you that don’t know what Gender Studies is; it is a literary theory that is devoted to analyzing gender identity and representation (including but not limited to women, feminism, gender, politics, men’s studies, and queer studies; often combined with the study of sexuality (“Gender Studies”). Why do I consider Gender Studies as ‘radical’? Consider this: Doctoral programs for women’s studies has existed since 1990 (Joschik, Scott). The Women’s Rights movement earned them the right to vote in 1920 and they were considered radical and despite their achievements studying literature that was written by women or had strong independent female characters was not considered an acceptable enough form of study to take a doctoral program (not even a degree) in until 1990! That is radical! What is worse, is the first doctoral program for a ‘potential’ PhD in Gender Studies in the U.S. wasn’t approved until 2005 (Joschik, Scott)! And it wasn’t until 2015 that Kabul University in Afghanistan (Afghanistan!!! Not the U.S. which is full of idiotic bigotry!) was the first to offer a master’s degree course in gender and women’s studies (FaithWorld)! It almost makes me ashamed to live here. In a world where two women pushing a baby stroller in the background of a Disney movie is cause for outrage, I’d say the LGBTQ+ community is ‘radical’… at least in the eyes of America. So, it is no wonder that the Utilitarianist is an icon for them especially after his rescue.

(Sorry for the rant)

Moving on!

“Because Roman had saved him and because he’d now acted on his behalf, following his direct call for action, a lot of people had started imagining them to be more than they were. They were publicly ‘shipping’ them.

Roman had been beyond horrified and humiliated as his sympathetic team had put together a dossier of the things people on the internet thought he’d do” (Whatwashernameagain).

Okay, there are so many things wrong with this. Not Eva’s writing of course, she is always so talented! No, everything that I consider ‘wrong’ is meant to be so.

Firstly, though there are plenty of people that will disagree with me and I respect that, shipping (even if its real people) is fine: Forcing your ship or view point on another or insulting their tastes or hating on them for it etc etc. Is very very wrong and I try not to judge but I’m pretty judgy about this. Hate asks/messages/notes/WHATEVER is horrible and though you may not be a horrible person if you do these things, you’re pretty darn close in my opinion. Everyone has their tastes: Some people like apples, some people don’t. If we were all the same we would never advance as a species.

I am not claiming Eva is hating on anyone. How could she be? She is legit writing about her own subject matter lol I really like the irony of it actually… Its almost like breaking the fourth wall without breaking the fourth wall. But I’m getting off topic again.

Here we see Roman’s team taking an extreme to try and pull him back by the reigns. The know he doesn’t receive any other content than what they feed him and their going to use this to their advantage. So, the decide to use the most angsty, kinkiest parts of the fandom’s ships and expose them to the poor sheltered and innocent man. Imagine if we had never heard of tumblr and then were suddenly shoved into the deepest darkest pits… Sure exposure therapy is known to work but I’d be pretty repulsed by it too. Luckily most of us managed to dip our toes in first and move away from the shallows one step at a time here on tumblr so we didn’t have to go through what poor Ro-Ro is. Now, its common knowledge that we’re all a little demented. Lol XP

“He’d been unable to keep looking at the pictures and horrible, humiliating stories published for all to see. How could he allow this to happen? This was what people saw in him after he’d allowed himself to be experimented on, cut apart and be put back together and worked so hard to give them something to believe in?” (Whatwashernameagain).

Let’s pick this apart a bit, shall we? Why would Roman really be this horrified? Sure, he was sheltered and then suddenly exposed to it but it’s a bit more than that. Here is a man that is supposed to hold up ‘American Values’ and be the image of masculinity. That is what his father wants him to be, that is what he has suffered to become. He is supposed to be the strongest person out there and yet he is being depicted in such compromising positions… In positions of submission, of servitude. He has no idea that that kind of position can be a symbol of trust and freedom because he is not taught to believe this. He does not know what a healthy relationship is.

Then there is also the symbolism of it all. Roman is the hero; he is the light; he is the good. Logan is the villain, the shadows, the evil in the world. These images show the good bowing to the bad. They show Roman losing. Losing the one thing he has suffered and fought for, for so long. They show him the possible failure he is so terrified of. To Roman, these images hold one of his worst fears. /That/ is why Roman is so disturbed by them.

We can also view this another way. Roman is taught that the only way he will win against the evil in the world is through the public’s support. He relies of the world to boost him, to come together in unity. He believes that with their help he is invincible. Yet, the public is the one who created these stories and art. The public is the one the imagined his failure. Roman is fueled by hope and faith and yet these images could be taken as a loss of those things. These images represent the publics loss of faith and hope in Roman… At least, that is one possible view point of the man. Either way, it is devastating.

*******

I would like to add here that @mariniacipher has added some input here that explains this in more depth and is beautifully done. I asked permission to quote them here and they have consented:

“Honestly, I have just one thought like, about your analysis of the line "The Utilitarianist would see it and think-" 

I think there's a bit more behind this, and that Roman's team had a deeper reason to show roman that art: Because roman is, to them- as far as we know- a naive boy-turned-tool, and he's already strayed from their commands twice. Once to save the kids in Mexico. This could be seen as him following Logan's agenda in some way. He's definitely seeing all people as equal, instead of following his team's "America First" mindset, which is already risky to them. And then, the second time he "deviates", he directly follows Logan's intel as well as his call to action. Add to that the Logince interactions you already pointed out, their respect to each other in those arguments, and they've got a genuine risk of roman completely leaving their range of influence, in their minds at least. Which brings us to them showing roman the unsavory pieces of art of himself and Logan. You already pointed out a lot here, but I think it also served to pervert the beginnings of the relationship between roman and Logan.

Before, they both just wanted to defeat one another, but also both wanted to help the world. Now, Roman's team is turning this dynamic in something altogether different, or trying to: it turns it sexual, and into a power play/fight. They present Logan not as a person who just wants to defeat roman, but beat him, humiliate and hurt him- because that way, they destroy even the thought of roman defecting, or escaping their influence, because there's no one to run to.In my opinion, they only want roman to have the team, and no one else- showing logan in the role of- to roman- a pervert and even a rapist serves to keep roman isolated and loyal.”

@mariniacipher makes some very valid points here, all of which I agree with. They also provide a great example of how Reader Response is suppose to work in the sense that every reader experiences a work differently and they see these things slightly different. This truly made my day. 

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

******

Once again, the devil on his shoulder has struck… But where is the angel in purple? Knocking on his door, just in time to save the day!

““Hey. Um, so I saw the dossier.”

Roman groaned, hiding his burning face. He’d never even looked at porn, so seeing himself pictured on his knees, the villain’s hand in his hair, about to- oh god. This was out there. The Utilitarianist would see it and think- irrational fear of things he hadn’t ever considered the other capable of mixed with the humiliation and made Roman tremble” (Whatwashernameagain).

First off, ‘He’d never even looked at porn’… Christ on a cracker, Roman you truly are sheltered you poor poor baby… Though that does beg the question if he is even too modest to…. You know what… Never mind. Lets move on… This is an analysis not a fanfic after all…

‘The Utilitarianist would see it and think-‘ OMG Roman I love you! Even when you’re horrified and shamed the only person you can concern yourself with is Logan?! This is fantastic! We see just where Logan stands now. Before, the person Roman would probably concern himself with is his father. That’s not the case now though. Logan has become more of a priority than dear old Dad and with good reason. In fact, Roman’s father hasn’t been mentioned in some time which gives us a sense of visual in Roman’s mental shift. Our baby is growing. -sniffle- I’m so proud.

Virgil of course, tries to explain to Roman that it is not what he thinks. Roman then states that he believes Virgil thinks him not smart enough to understand and my anxious son puts him in his place as he should! Virgil has no shits to give!

“You’re much smarter than they make you believe! They just want you to stop thinking for yourself!” A frustrated growl escaped Virgil. Pulling uselessly on the powerful man’s shoulder, he tried to get him to look up” (Whatwashernameagain).

He calls the team out on their shit! He explains that Roman is only seeing the kinky stuff and goes on to explain what shipping is really about… Which makes me wonder if the man ships them as well… I wouldn’t put it past him the little angel.

“”It’s about liking two people and rooting for them, despite any opposition. People just care about both of you, even if you’re on different sides. It just shows that most of them aren’t as black and white as they all say. They aren’t the perfect, traditional families on the cereal boxes and they aren’t the masked activists throwing Molotov cocktails either. They’re just people who like some of both of your positions and they like you and him and what they like most is the idea of you two burying this feud and stop fighting. They want what you want, when it comes down to it, dude. For the arguing to end and people to just get along. I’m not making this up, look!”” (Whatwashernameagain).

This is really beautiful, and I feel privileged to be able to read it. Eva gets it, she really does. There are a few sentences here that I really want to point out though. For example, ‘It just shows that most of them aren’t as black and white as they all say’. Virgil is referring to the fact that most people aren’t just good or evil. The majority of people have done good things and they had done bad things… That is human nature. Everyone has regrets. Roman lives in a state in which he is required to see things in black and white, but the world doesn’t work like that. Very few things are so cut and dry. Virgil see this and he sees that Roman doesn’t. At this point Virgil has moved from shoulder angel to practically Roman’s conscious. He truly is a wonderful friend.

Roman, no doubt, doesn’t really stop to consider people in their daily lives. To him its always the people in the most dire of situation that he focuses on. I doubt he’d know how to handle someone if they just past him on the street. Of course, he is trained to think like this… He knows that he is trying to protect people’s way of life but never stops to consider the way they live their life.

‘They’re just people who like some of both of your positions and they like you and him and what they like most is the idea of you two burying this feud and stop fighting’. This feels like more foreshadowing but I’m going to bypass that because we’ve already discussed it. But it is a fantastic representation of both Logan and Roman and a reminder that nothing is black and white just as I mentioned previously. Logan is a good man doing bad things for good reasons and Roman is a good man doing good things for bad reasons. The Dreamer is an apt name… Roman’s ideas of good and evil are so fantastic they deserve to be in a dream. Luckily, Virgil is there to help guide him back to reality (once again pulling on the comparison between Remy and Virgil).

The next few paras are filled with such wholesome and beautiful images and art work that you really need to go re-read it (if you haven’t already. Its just so warm hearted and I love it. Also, I can’t draw so if someone wants to work up some art on the image Roman describes about the glitter in his hair and the dipping Logan I will gladly share it EVERYWHERE!!!! (just link it to me K?)

Also, the argument with the wall of pictures and Roman’s wall of postcards and pinatas gives me life…. My chest aches with it. I can also really appreciate that Eva describes the works of the two arguing so often. Obviously, this would be understandable because the two are on opposite sides but also Roman’s association with affection /is/ arguments which no doubt only reinforces Virgil’s point that these are wholesome and good when Roman sees the two of them arguing. I just love it so much.  

There are so many that Eva lists…. …. …. Honest opinion: At this point, she’s just indulging herself… I approve whole heartedly LOL XP.

It is also possible that these are real fan arts of Logan and Roman and though I don’t have the time to look them up at the moment you bet your sweet IQ that I will be after I get this posted!

In all of these images there is one striking similarity that I must point out: Roman and Logan are depicted as EQUALS. Why is this important? Roman had never been treated as an equal by anyone until he met Logan and Logan began to take the time to argue with him, treating him as if he were worth changing his mind. His father doesn’t even bother with that (yes, I know that I’ve already covered this). The point being, it is very important for Roman to feel valued and equaled, that is one of the reasons why the images provided by his team were so disturbing and that is also one of the reasons why these images are so inspirational to him.

““I don’t understand.” He muttered, glancing at his own tablet, filled with data carefully compiled for him.

Virgil’s gaze was worried.

“I guess there are things they’d rather you don’t see, for whatever reasons. Maybe you’ll let me double check the info they give you from now on, man. I get unrestricted internet.”

“Oh. I didn’t know the internet here was restricted.” Roman muttered softly. His head was buzzing. He huddled closer to Virgil, gazing at the images without really seeing them. He felt like everything he knew was shaken in its foundations” (Whatwashernameagain).

Virgil my sweet sweet baby boy, you’ve done it! You’ve finally gave Roman the realization that he needed! Finally, Roman’s eyes are open to just how manipulative his team is and how damaging that can be. Finally, he is seeing what is going on! Now all that’s left is to win the revolution and kick them to the curb!

This is not going to be easy of course. Everything Roman believes and everything he thinks he knows has been affected. His trust has been shaken. Whatever road Roman is about to walk down, it is not going to be easy for the poor man.

******

I apologize for Part 4 being so long, but I’ve limited myself to 4 parts per chapter and it has been quite difficult.

As always, I want to thank Eva for writing so beautifully and being so supportive of my ramblings.

I would also like to remind everyone that I don’t proof read these because I am surprisingly lazy when it comes to my own work.

I also LOVE hearing from you guys so plz plz plz drop me an ask or a message if you feel up for it. I promise I don’t bite unless you ask me to. <3 I also love questions and theories so hit me up with those too!

Be sure to leave Eva some love on AO3 and tumblr as well! She is incredibly nice and always fun to talk to! Also, if you haven’t already read her other work (like KHS) I highly recommend it.

For now, I will be waiting with bated breath with the rest of you for The Dreamer Chapter 3! ^.^ Until then, I hope to see you all around! <3

           “Abstract Search.” Full Abstract, https://abstracts.societyforscience.org/Home/FullAbstract?AllAbstracts=True&Category=Any+Category&FairCountry=Any+Country&FairState=Any+State&ProjectId=4987.Pocket-lint.

Anderson CA, Shibuya A, Ihori N, Swing EL, Bushman BJ, Sakamoto A, Rothstein HR, Saleem M. Violent video game effects on aggression, empathy, and prosocial behavior in eastern and western countries: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin. 2010;136:151–173.

Browne KD, Hamilton-Giachritsis C. The influence of violent media on children and adolescents: A public-health approach. The Lancet. 2005;365:702–710.

Carnagey NL, Anderson CA, Bushman BJ. The effect of video game violence on physiological desensitization to real-life violence. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2007;43:489–496.

Center for Research Excellence Video consumer mapping survey. 2009 Retrieved from Center for Research Excellence web site: http://www.researchexcellence.com/research/research.php.

FaithWorld (26 October 2015). "Kabul University unlikely host for first Afghan women's studies programme". Blogs.reuters.com. Retrieved 2 November 2015.

"Gender Studies". Whitman College. https://archive.is/20121212181127/http://www.whitman.edu/content/genderstudies

Jaschik, Scott (10 November 2005). "Indiana Creates First Gender Studies PhD". The last decade has seen the number of women's studies PhD programs grow to at least 10 – most of them relatively new. Last week, Indiana University's board approved the creation of a program that will be both similar and different from those 10: the first doctoral program in the United States exclusively in gender studies.

Pharmacy Times, https://www.pharmacytimes.com/news/do-poisonous-mushrooms-have-a-pharmaceutical-purpose.

Rivkin, Julie. Literary Theory: a Practical Introduction. Wiley-Blackwell, 2017.

Whatwashernameagain. “The Dreamer - Chapter 2.” Hello Guys Gals And Non Binary Friends, 8 Sept. 2019, https://whatwashernameagain.tumblr.com/post/189407228487/the-dreamer-chapter-2?is_related_post=1.

[mcveriicks]

have you seen [ MAVERICK ST. JAMES ] since the storm? some say they look like [ HERMAN TOMMERAAS ] but they’re [ TWENTY-TWO ]  & go by [ THE PARADOX ].  [ HE ] lived in halloway for [ THREE YEARS ] & they are originally from [ WASHINGTON, D.C. ]. before the town vanished they were studying [ PHILOSOPHY ] and lived at [ UNI BLVD ]. most people knew the [ CISMALE ] as [ +CLEVER ] but i’ve heard they can also be [ -APATHETIC ]. for some reason, they feel [ UNEASY ] about the town’s disappearance. ( riley, 20, she/her, est )

hello !!! my name is riley and i’m ????? so so extremely very much excited to get the ball rollin, down n dirty, into this rp !! i’m a sucker for angst and sadness, so … expect MUCH of that w me !! mav is a new muse of mine but i’m SUPER excited to get to dev him with all of you guys !! below the cut is a … long-ass intro post bc i have no chill !! if, per chance, you’d like to plot w me and my know-it-all, assholey but suprisingly soft child, please feel free to GIVE THIS POST A LIKE or to DM ME ( either tumblr or discord i check both, i promise i don’t bite ) !!!

tw: drugs.

* / BACKGROUND.

maverick hobbes st. james was born into a life filled to the absolute brim of expectation. his mother and father met at halloway’s law school, and both went on to become highly respectable lawyers who dealt with constitutional law in washington d.c.; they work highly demanding jobs, which often left maverick, who is an only child, alone at their impressively decorated family townhouse, staring at family photos and wondering how his definition of family had become so different to his friends’ growing up.

growing up in middle and high school, maverick assumed that getting good grades and excelling at school would make his parents proud, would get them to turn their attention to his successes –– but surprise, surprise, they didn’t. they’d pat him on the back as they headed out the door to tend to their daily schedules –– that is, if he was lucky enough to see them in the morning.

he studied. hard. trying to understand the ins and outs of what his parents did, trying to see if following in their footsteps by studying law would warrant a smile or beam of pride. it didn’t. but it still got him an acceptance to his parents’ alma mater, halloway university. he made friends quickly –– he always did. always the charismatic friend, he’s learned to rely more on his friends than his family in his life.

when maverick was a senior in high school, he finally reached an age to realize some of the shady deals his parents would make on the regular, the random bonuses his parents whispered about finally making sense to him. one case in particular had apparently caused one of his classmates’ parents to be publicly humiliated for a scandal and an incident that was apparently unrelated to their careers –– but ruined them in the process.

he felt guilt, himself, knowing that his parents could be making deals like that every day. it made him shake his head, made him cry into his pillow, made him absolutely disgusted to call people like his mother and father his own parents. he wrote so many fucking speeches that he’d recite to them once he got the chance, berating them for their practices and lack of morals in their workplace. but they never came home –– and hypocritical as he was, he still enjoyed the fruits of his parents’ work. they gave him unlimited checks with his name on them, as if it was some sort of sick version of love.

while maverick was fulfilling some of his general requirements, he fell in love with philosophy, with questioning life and ethical choices that mankind has made in the past, and would make in the future. he ended up pivoting his studies, moving from pre-law to philosophy at the end of his freshman year of his undergraduate studies.

and of course –– with this twist in the system, maverick is about to make this world his playground, living in his very own simulation of how a fresh new world reacts to infinite freedoms. he’s partially excited to see what will unfold, partially scared that things will fall to absolute shit ( ever the pessimist, maverick st. james ! ) because he has little faith that his company will collectively make the right decisions.

* / PERSONALITY.

maverick st. james is quite the paradox ( hence, the label ! ). he’s charismatic, funny, and has a witty sense of humor –– and is generally appreciated by his peers because he’s able to move conversation and discussion without making topics seem dry. and generally, he’s only like this in classes that he’s passionate about –– otherwise, you’d see him in the very back corner, doodling amongst his haphazardly written notes. what’s funny is he used to always be like this –– happy, smiley, obviously intelligent and driven. but it all sort of changed when he had this big epiphany that some people aren’t what they seem like on the outside ( re: his parents ).

he’s certainly a bit arrogant, given that he’s intelligent, innovative, and clever, and knows it –– however, even if he might not show it on the outside, he appreciates a good challenger. he thinks it keeps his wit sharp, and of course, his ego would never show it, but he does appreciate learning from people. after all, his passion in philosophy makes him certainly interested in how minds work.

at social events, you can probably see him flirting his ass off, but always having a good time, too. he’s definitely the type to sleep around, but he likes to pick at people’s brains, too. probably the most deep-ass pillow-talker halloway has ever seen. it probably borders on the line of being too romantic with flings –– the way he asks questions, but also borders on being annoying.

those who happen to get to know maverick outside of the surface-level stuff, outside the initial cockiness and flirtatious front he puts on will know that he’s actually quite thoughtful. his lonely childhood has made him extremely loyal to those who have shown him similar trust and friendship –– he would never turn his back on them. he asks probing questions, is a good listener –– perhaps because he’s interested in human decision making, but is also because he doesn’t quite know what it’s like to be loved unconditionally –– though he wants to. he’ll hold back hair and rub a friend’s back while they yak, walk his friends home, maybe throw a few punches or two –– but spicy comebacks are really more his speed.

deep down, what almost no one knows is that he’s really quite soft. he passes his curiosity off as wanting to understand people, when really it’s a mechanism for hoping someone asks him questions in return, to give him the time of day he wished his parents had given him. 

* / AESTHETICS.

coffee-stained mugs, walking with headphones in, untied shoelaces, black hoodies, a cheeky smirk, small books in his back pocket, writing in the margins, quoting old authors on a daily basis, incessant eye-rolling, pen ink stains, unmade bed, mismatched socks, floral ties, empty bottles of liquor, rose thorn pricks, old worn poetry books, polished dress shoes, calloused fingers, unlit cigarettes between teeth.

* / HEADCANONS.

funnily enough, maverick’s name means ‘independent, a noncomformist’, which is exactly the path that he has taken to stray away from his family’s expectations of practicing law, specifically constitutional law as a career. he’s like. nah. fuck that.

maverick has some form of synesthesia, which allows him to remember a lot more than the average person. he associates colors, smells, sounds, to words –– and allows him to efficiently study any subjects he doesn’t have immediate passion for.

in the privacy of his own bedroom, he sometimes writes poetry and sketches his thoughts and muses –– when he knows he’s in complete privacy. faces and features that appear in his sketchbooks are often those he’s thinking of often, those who intrigue him. he’s actually quite good a sketching, maybe not quite as good at writing poetry.

tw drugs. he more than dabbles in drug use, smoking marijuana maybe every other day, while partaking in harder drugs like cocaine and adderall and others probably once a week. he feels like he’s in control of his use, but it may start to get the best of him. end tw.

maverick is left-handed. he hates that he gets pen ink stains when he draws, writes poetry, takes notes. his left palm is probably perennially covered with ink.

though he’s often wearing headphones ( airpods, of course, the nerve of this rich kid ), half the time, nothing’s playing. sometimes he forgets to press play on his phone, sometimes he purposely likes listening to decision-making and conversations of strangers. it lets him think about the nature of mankind.

maverick’s favorite philosopher is albert camus, known for his work that heavily developed the idea of absurdism ( much to do with the meaning of life, and human inability to discern an answer ). 

* / WANTED PLOTS. 

CHECK OUT MY WANTED PLOTS PAGE HERE !

childhood friends: again, someone who would have known him from pre-cynical, arrogant asshole days. they could be friends now still, 

ex-friends: perhaps maverick went a bit too far with the questions, about trying to probe into someone’s mind. maybe for this reason, or for others, these two fell out of touch / argued and might be forced into new places due to the disappearance of the other townspeople.

unlikely friends: maverick’s reputation isn’t exactly favorable to some crowds. maybe they became friends in one of their shared classes or through mutual friends, and actually get along well, despite coming from different backgrounds / having different values. they probably see a bit of a deeper side to mav than most people !!

good influence (?!): maverick gets into his shit, has probably a less-than-favorable reputation, but he still cares about people, deep deep down. maybe your muse is a bit lost, and maverick is worried about them and wants to help them get back on track –– especially with all the changes happening in the society !! we can plot lil details about this, esp bc it’s a v unique side of mav i’d love to explore !! ( insp: x, x, x )

bad influences: those who partake in the sins that maverick just loves to lap up. they feed off of each others’ energy, often encouraging more drinking, more drugs, more sex. it’s a bit of a never-ending circle, but one that maverick keeps coming back to, for some reason. ( insp: x )

frenemies: this could be some sort of intellectual challenger kind of deal ? someone mav actually appreciates having in his life, though they butt heads a lot maybe for some reason !! ( insp: x )

disliked: they probably find maverick’s personality appalling or annoying, they probably find him pretentious af and super hypocritical for preaching so much about morals, when he drinks and uses drugs and just fucks around half the time. they could call him out for his flaws, or we could go down a completely different route of them having some weird history of mutual plots ??? so so much room for possibility here !!

+ have a couple more in my wanted plots tag here ! but literally, as a self-proclaimed angst and plot ho, please hmu with any and all ideas you might have !! i can’t wait to get started w all of u !!!

[keith-is-not-an-emo]

which fics are you reading atm if you don’t mind sharing? ty!

Oh boy anon, oh boy.

You don’t know what you’ve done.

There will be E rated fics but they won’t solely be smut fics or too extreme.

edit: it seems like you can’t access the post from your dashboard so you have to be on my blog to see it *sighs* good job tumblr, like always.

star-crossed by realfakedoors (or anything they write, you’ll be seeing a lot of that here)

They said, once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a peaceful and prosperous kingdom, rich in romance and tradition. They said the Prince would host a ball, and choose his spouse, and they would live happily ever after.Well, they lied.

–

Keith is a Prince, and Lance lives with his shitty extended family. Neither of them are very happy, and when they meet, they’re surprised to have so much in common. Strangers, to friends, and then, well…

Meanwhile, Hunk is a sweetheart, Pidge is an iconic asexual, Shiro is a supportive Knight Dad™, Allura isn’t here for anyone’s crap, and there’s some political shit going on that forces them all together.

okay so how do i say it? it might be fave kl fic atm. this is my dirty laundry, my on thin ice. i love eveeery thing about it. i literally drop anything im doing if i see it updated. Also the last chapter? got me Shook.

also i KNOW about that big E rating there but the smut is in only one chap and i think the author marked it so it’s totally complementary and doesn’t add anything to the story so don’t worry.

breakfast on the moon by DairyFarmer (also very very recommended author!!)

Future Prom King, student body president, and all around hottie Lance McClain is abducted from his home in Arizona in 1997.

He is found decades later in the clearance section of an Earth paraphernalia store by the Paladins of Voltron.

another one of my big faves atm. everyone is very attentive of lance which is *clenches fist and wipes tear* very good. also it screams future langst and i cant wait :) (im kind of a langst hoe sorry not sorry)

let’s play pretend and hope it comes true by fevered_dreams

The Kingdom of Altea was quickly heading towards ruin. At least, it had been until the Royal Family’s eldest daughter had been born as an alpha. The people had rejoiced at her birth, and there was hope yet for a new ruler and a future secured. Even the fact that the second Royal Child had been born a beta couldn’t dampen their spirits.

Except Lance was not an beta. He was just an omega, trying his best to keep the charade going with a set of spells, pills, and all the tinctures he could brew because being an omega was dangerous. Being an omega made him something to be had, a rusted tool of barter worth less than scraps in return, and Altea couldn’t afford to let him go.

But, if Lance’s luck would have it, Prince Keith of the Blade wouldn’t mind being lied to too much.

okay okay in my defence, this one STILL doesn’t have smut. only kinda steamy make-out sessions. also don’t let the a/b/o scare you, there is talk about the dynamics but not so much in the sexual way, u’kno?

anything by BleuSarcelle, but if i have to chose one, let’s go with Of Pink Freckles and Green Moles

Lance now can see the boy’s face and he can only stare at the pretty color in the boy’s eyes before he’s suddenly being squished by two hands.

“Papa!” the boy shouts happily back at the adult that makes his way other them hurriedly. The boy hardly notices, still too fixed on squeezing Lance’s cheeks for a second longer before he giggles. “Papa, ugly!”

“Keith, no! Oh my god -”

“Ugly,” the boy repeats obliviously, patting Lance’s cheeks with a proud gleam in his eyes. “Ooh-gly!”

Lance doesn’t know what that word means but for some reason, it makes him cry harder.

[Or the one where Keith and Lance meet when they are two and three years old respectively and spend their entire childhood going through charity contests. Lance says they are rivals, Keith only hears ‘best friends’.]

super cute G kidfic.

Ground Control to Major Tom by yourfavoritetsundre

A year after Keith and Lance have a big falling out, Lance is…well, he’s not missing. He’s fine. He’s just not telling anyone where he is. Keith decides maybe the best way to apologize for being an absolute monster is to track him down.

Following Lance’s path of self-discovery, Keith starts to remember all the things about Lance he had buried years before. Because of the war, because of the Blade, because of Allura. And he starts to realize that maybe he’s to blame for more than he thought.

Meanwhile, Curtis just wants to plan his quiznacking wedding.

post-s8 fic

Written in Sand by MuseofWriting

Lance wakes up in a hospital on Earth to discover he has been missing for four months, with no memory of Voltron or the Galra. Drawn inexplicably to the desert where they found him, he discovers a hut full of research and notes that may provide the key to his missing memories. With secrets and conspiracies surrounding him, and the Garrison potentially hiding far more than he could ever have imagined, Lance grows to trust the notes in the desert - but he may not believe the person who claims he wrote them.

this one has been around for a while (a year to be precise) and i thinks its pretty aknowledged in the fandom but *shrugs* 

until we get there by starlightment

Sometimes his mind is cruel. He’ll wake in the dead of night, drowning in his sweat, choking on his tears. He’ll clutch at old bedsheets until his knuckles fade to white. He’ll shiver in the darkness, and the light blue marks beneath his eyes will start to burn, and his lungs will heave, aching for a breath that just isn’t there.

And sometimes Keith comes to visit.

Those are the best days, Lance thinks.

Those are the days when it’s easiest to breathe.

—

Or: Lance loses himself a little bit, but Keith is there to help him find it again.

post-s8 fic. i think i dont even need to present they author since they’re better know for writing something blue (i heard wonders abt it but havent found the chance to read it yet). also i cant fucking wait for their new fic like im vibrating here on my seat bc i LOVEEEE the trope of jock keith / nerd/prep lance dont judge me

sunflower by xintong (uuh i think i dont have to introduce this author either lmao)

On the morning of their first summer back on Earth, Lance receives a gift of sunflowers. A confession, a rejection, and the passage of time, all leading to the one person who’s always been there for him.

another post-s8 fic because honestly i needed healing at that time okay. super soft and cute and uuughhhh i cant deal

Pretty Ob(li)vious by msmooseberry

Lance loves make-up and being pretty while wearing it. Unfortunately, even in the world where Earth becomes one of the main centres of intergalactic communication and home to many races, his hobbies are still largely frowned upon. He never wanted other cadets at the Galaxy Garrison to find out, especially not his half-Galra crush, but that is exactly what happens. Lance prepares for the hate or ridicule at best, but the reaction he gets is something else entirely. Who knew Galra viewed lilac sparkly lips as a betrothal symbol?

keith finding lance the most beautiful being ever? uuh yeah? gimme that shit

Chestnut And Onyx by MilkTeaMiku (great author too!)

If his eyes weren’t deceiving him, Keith looked a little flushed. He crossed his arms over his chest, wings all puffed up and ruffled like he was preening. “I didn’t know you were that flexible,” he said. And then he looked angry, and his wings puffed up even more, and he stormed away. -Lance thinks his wings aren’t all that pretty, but Keith has other ideas. If only Lance knew.

langst wing-fic. what could i ask more for?

you’re lucky that’s what i like by zenstrike

Lance rescues a hamster from certain doom.

or, Lance has Keith wrapped around his little finger and doesn’t even realize it.

just. take the whole fucking thing. just take it

aaand these are the ones that appear on my feed that have been updated recently since most of them aren’t finished (sowwy). the bad thing about reading a lot of fics and having bad memory is that i already forgot half of my fave fics, probably, lmao.

[osomatsu-san-quotes]

Time to get to know me a little more, don't have to read, just something 4 fun

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My mom-

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Not really anyone-

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Depends. If work then no, if just hanging out then I think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

‘‘I like’‘ friend: probably. ‘‘I like’‘ crush: no

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

outgoing ppl and that just like memes and gaming. Don't know really

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Nope

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my older, middle brother

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

little bit

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Mom

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

‘‘Ah, ok.’‘

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Kenshi Yonezu songs. (Nighthawks, Lemon, Eine Kleine, Loser, BNHA Intro 2/Peace sign)

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yeah but I have hair that is greasy 24/7. So the person would probably be grossed out before they touch it

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Ye

15. What good thing happened this summer?

summer sucks so badly- but I guess…..I- don't know actually

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Never kissed someone before

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Nah

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Nope, I told him and after years of being good/best friends we stopped talking

19. Do you like bubble baths?

absolutely

20. Do you like your neighbors?

don't have them. Or I just never talk to them

21. What are your bad habits?

This is kinda embarrassing but thumb sucking. like a baby. Also, nail biting

22. Where would you like to travel?

Japan or China

23. Do you have trust issues?

yeah.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

sitting behind my computer

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My face

26. What do you do when you wake up?

think about life and lay there for 30 mins

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker. I'm a marshmallow now

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My older youngest brother

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Ye, surprisingly

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Probably yes

31. If your hair long enough for a ponytail?

I think it has to say ‘‘Is’‘, so yeah, it is

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Interesting question- I don't keep in touch with the new celebrities so idk.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

oh god- Ill just use my nickname ppl know me as, not my real one:

RfdIkVERf     -  River

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I have a worse condition than a snail

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without tv. Don't watch it. Also, you have youtube

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Once.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Likes gaming, horror, memes, and is overall a nice guy to talk to

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Outside? You want me dead?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Probably go into game design

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Depends on what they have done

42. If you're being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I'm being myself

43. Do you smile at strangers?

If I try to smile I look like I am disappointed in them or angry

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Remembering I have youtube vids to watch and I have books to read

46. What are you paranoid about?

the things I don't know

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Nah

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Yeah. So I ain't going to tell it

50. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore?

Purple. I am wearing it rn

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Yeah, constantly

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My face

53. Favorite makeup brand?

I don't do makeup

54. Favorite store?

Don't go to stores

55. Favorite blog?

Can't think of anything on the top of my head. Too many

56. Favorite color?

Purple or black

57. Favorite food?

Broccoli or something unhealthy like hamburgers

58. Last thing you ate?

McDonald's

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Worstenbroodjes

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Yeah. Won a playback competition in 4th grade of elementary

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Once. I yelled back at my teacher

62. Been arrested? For what?

I'm too much of a pussy to do something to get myself arrested

63. Ever been in love?

Of course

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Mk. It all started when I was a baby and my mom kissed me on the head

65. Are you hungry right now?

Just ate

66. Do you like your Tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Don't have Tumblr friends, (Or real friends)

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Nope

70. Names of your best friends?

Don’t have them

71. Craving something? What?

A drink

72. What color are your towels?

blue, blue, black, white

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

around 5

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Yeah

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

over 100 probably

75. Favorite animal?

Bears or cats

76. What color is your underwear?

Night sky dark blue

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

78. Favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate

79. What color shirt are you wearing?

Purple hoodie

80. What color pants?

dark grey sweatpants

81. Favorite tv show?

Tanked

82. Favorite movie?

UhHHhh Osomatsu san the movie probably, not sure yet.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Never seen both but I think I like Mean Girls from what I've seen and heard

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls.

85. Favorite character from Mean Girls?

Never seen it

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo?

random, but Dory

87. The first person, you talked to today?

My older middle brother

88. The last person, you talked to today?

Mom

89. Name a person you hate?

To many

90. Name a person you love?

my family

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

100% 24/7 yes

92. In a fight with someone?

Have been.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

around 5

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

9

95. Last movie you watched?

Detective Pikachu

96. Favorite actress?

don't have one

97. Favorite actor?

don't have one

98. Do you tan a lot?

No

99. Have any pets?

ye

100. How are you feeling?

could be better, could be worse

101. Do you type fast?

ye

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

of course, I do

103. Can you spell well?

Depends if I'm rushing: not

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Ye

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yep

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Yeah

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Mhm

108. What should you be doing?

Getting ready to go to bed

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Nah

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Nada

111. Do you have trust issues?

Isn't this question asked before?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Mom

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Never had one

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yeah

115. Do you play the Wii?

Used to

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Nope, for once

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Never tried it

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Kinda

119. Favorite book?

Warrior Cats

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Pretty spoopy shit

121. Are you mean?

I dunno

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Nope

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Waste of time when they are going to be dirty again by the next day

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Never thought of it.

125. Do you believe in true love?

Probably not

126. Are you currently bored?

YEah

127. What makes you happy?

Spending time with myself

128. Would you change your name?

Mhm

129. What your zodiac sign?

Libra

130. Do you like subway?

Never tried it

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Think about life and what to do

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

This has been asked before

133. Favorite lyrics right now?

‘‘Write a story of a hero!’‘ - Peace sign

134. Can you count to one million?

Yeah but I ain't gonna try rn 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

A lot, hard to pick one

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Open

137. How tall are you?

around 5′9

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Straight

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Blonde

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favorite month?

October & December

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

Neither

146. Was today a good day?

Yeah

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars

148. What’s your favorite quote?

‘‘Eh’‘ -points to sweater- ‘‘ ‘Not my problem‘ ‘‘

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Kinda??

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

don't have a book next to me

Wow if you are here holy shit- ty??

-Mod Nekomatsu