#TUMBLR ATE MY GIF QUALITY WHAT IS THIS

[eemoo1o-tfrmoo]

Snotlout Jorgenson and the art of defiance*, defamation, and daddy issues

* I will be including his demeanour as a doormat alongside this. I will not be discussing his dissipation in this post as well.

Today, I will be studying Snotlout in (RTTE) and his issues with rule abiding and control management and how his relationship with his father affects this.

The episodes in particular I will be deriving my sources from are:

Reign of Fireworms (1x07)

Team Astrid (2x01)

And, Darkest Night (6x10)

Additionally, an episode I will also be looking at, though only briefly, includes:

Big Man on Berk (1x05)

Firstly, we look at Reign of Fireworms for his acts of defiance towards leadership, with his vast background of defying Hiccup in reference.

(Wow, Tumblr really ate the quality on my already crunchy gif.)

Admittedly, this is a shy example in comparison to anything else I could have picked. Snotlout is known for defying orders and challenging leadership (with Hiccup and later Astrid respectively). However, what makes this episode so different is how Snotlout is so indecisive over the twins’ leadership. Allow me to put a pin in that for later.

Unlike other instances of rejecting leadership, Snotlout reacts similarly to the other riders over the twins’ new roles as Island Rulers, but the main difference between Snotlout and the others is that Snotlout seems to hold no filter over the matter, which is shown with how he is the first to protest, insult, attempt to rebel, and even propose to off the twins.

However, unlike the rest of the riders, Snotlout’s perspective on the twins’ leadership is quick to change when —

The twins give him a job that he likes: “sergeant at arms”.

This job is significant, and as such a role of power. This is seen throughout the episode where Snotlout is the one to throw all of the other riders (save from the twins, but eventually including himself) in jail.

Snotlout is the only one of the riders (with perhaps the exception being Fishlegs, but we don’t see much of that) to take his job, and the twins’ ridiculous rules, the most seriously.

However, once he throws himself in prison — claiming that “he was framed” — he is quick to side with the other riders’ rebellion again.

The main rule that Snotlout is seen sticking to most is the “no S” rule. At first, he seems adverse, with the twins calling for his as “Notlout”, and him completely missing the point, asking who that is and shrugging.

However, once fully embracing his role as “egeant at arm”, Snotlout is heard attempting to remove any S’s from his speech as often as he can. Until he throws himself in jail.

The “throwing himself in jail” aspect of the episode is only used to get the riders all together again, and as a gag, but if we look at it more earnestly it’s sort of telling of how seriously Snotlout took the role and how he was playing into the role so much that he became a different person from his regular self.

Such evidence could be seen in how he claims “I was framed!” instead of “I wa framed!”.

I’m not implying that I think Snotlout has DID, but I am implying that I think his father (and other adults of Berk) — and the first movie — has something to do with this.

As far as I recall, in the first movie, Snotlout was the leader of the teens, and bully of Hiccup. I think it’s also implied that he’s the teen (or all of the teens are, excluding Hiccup) who’s well revered as being what a Viking should be for being strong and hard-headed, but now those are the characteristics that many on Berk frown upon him for. (The civilians even cheered for his death in the Defenders of Berk finale — another gag at Snotlout’s expense.)

I believe it’s also said or at least implied in the first film that Hiccup wants to be like the other kids, specifically Snotlout, and that Snotlout and Astrid were a thing, though the latter seems more expendable for my point to be made.

Now, Thawfest seems to be the only place where Snotlout can prevail over Hiccup (resented family name aside), and as such live up to his father’s expectations to some degree. We even see this inferred with how Snotlout is panicking in the final race over how “he can’t lose”.

We move onto the Defamation element of my analysis, with the few points I’d just made, and as such we skip to the episode Darkest Night.

In this episode, each of the riders (with the exception of Astrid and Hiccup) pitch each of their ideal realities if they’d never gone to Dragon’s Edge.

In Snotlout’s reality (after intruding on the ending of Fishlegs’) is one where he is promoted from Berk’s official weapon tester to their official weapon inventor.

Comparatively, this would be like a drug tester suddenly becoming a pharmacist, or a stunt man inexplicably becoming a choreographer.

The original job (weapon tester) in and of itself is telling of how Berk now views Snotlout. And while no one really mentions how dangerous or implicative the job actually is, we can see for ourselves the danger the job includes in both the twins’ reality and Race to the Edge’s first episode (as the twins’ reality starts off with a clip from the first episode where they place a wheelbarrow of sharp objects next to Snotlout’s pile of pillows whilst he’s testing out a catapult).

I don’t think this job would have been distributed to anyone smart enough to decline it, or at least well-liked enough to dissuade the distributor of said job to offer it to that person. As such, the job is very implicative in how Berk views Snotlout, whether he’s aware of it or not.

Now, in the episode, with the promotion Snotlout gives himself, he emerges from an explosion which is reminiscent of how the first film introduces the rest of the teens, only this time Snotlout is alone.

Unlike the others’ unrealistic realities, Snotlout’s is more like a fantasy than anything.

Not only does this fantasy feed into Snotlout’s egotistical point of view (as this is entirely centric on him, and other characters that are shown in this fantasy don’t pass the Snotlout-based Bechdel test), but we are also reminded of the time when Snotlout was well-liked: the first film, before Berk befriended dragons (though the dragons are still their friends in Snotlout’s fantasy, because as defamed as Snotlout’s image now is in contrast, I don’t think he’d give up Hookfang for the world — inexplicable explosion in the beginning of his fantasy aside), and even in Astrid’s alternate timeline where Berk hadn’t befriended dragons, and Snotlout is also well-liked by Stoick and others.

Firstly, Snotlout states that he invents this superweapon, though what is depicted is an unimaginatively unusable combination of all pre-existing weapons, though in the fantasy everyone adores the ‘invention’. I have the sense that while this isn’t stated to compete with Hiccup’s fire-sword, it is an attempt, because in the real world Hiccup inadvertently overshadows Snotlout in every possible aspect. Even Thawfest, however fleetingly.

In Snotlout’s fantasy, Gobber — who is very infamous for not taking Snotlout seriously or viewing him with any high regards — is the first to interact with Snotlout the Inventor by being completely enamoured with his invention, and praising him profusely on it.

When Hookfang appears in the fantasy just after, his tongue is hanging just marginally out of his mouth and his pupils are large and rotund, and he flies off whilst allowing Snotlout to remain standing on him.

The pupils of a dragon are shown time and time again to be easy tells of their mood. Narrow for hostile or under the influence of mind control (via Death Songs, Bewilderbeasts, Red/Blue/Green Deaths, so on), and wide/large for comfortable, adoring or even playful, as well as under the influence of dragon nip.

However, what makes Hookfang’s expression here most odd — as fantastical as it is — isn’t the very adoring way it’s depicted, but rather the shape of his pupils. We’ve seen Hookfang’s pupils dilated before, but they aren’t ever as round as they are here.

The dragon with the roundest and largest pupils that we know of is actually Toothless (the Night Fury, and as such the Light Fury). While Toothless’ pupils go a bit squarer as the movie series goes on, in the way they are depicted in Race to the Edge they are round, and as such so are Hookfang’s here.

This is obviously another way of showing that Snotlout wants what Hiccup has. In a way, he wants Hookfang to see him like Toothless sees Hiccup.

(A note worth adding us that in Snotlout’s fantasy, there’s even a metal statue of himself on Hookfang which he kisses the cheek of. This feeds into the egotistical side of things, but also serves as a callback to the Riders of Berk episode When Lightning Strikes.)

There’s also this golden, smoky hue over Snotlout’s fantasy which is lacking in the others’ concepts for an alternate reality, which perhaps could symbolise how this is an ideal, self-serving idea, and that these would have been golden memories for Snotlout, if they were to exist.

Next, we see Astrid fawning over Snotlout and then, the moment he is to land, his father scoops him up and says “You make me proud to be a Jorgenson, boyo!”, which is a recurring theme in Race to the Edge with how Snotlout expresses a true desire to hear this.

Which brings us, briefly, back to season one, with the episode Big Man On Berk.

In short, as stated in @jesse-the-writer’s post here, Snotlout seeks validation from men he deems strong, such as Thor and Dagur, due to his faulty relationship with his father.

He idolises them (Dagur more so in and before Riders and Defenders of Berk than after), in a manner similar to how he idolises his father, and in doing so he ignores how they write him off (Thor and Dagur), or forget his name countless times after being corrected (Dagur), or even insult his dragon (Thor) by laughing it off awkwardly and sometimes agreeing.

And all of the above is reminiscent of how Spitelout treats him (mostly in Riders and Defenders of Berk, but in a few instances of Race to the Edge also).

Psychoanalytically, the way parents treat their child pays a big role in how they view and act in relationships. This source focuses on romantic relationships, however some key elements can be attributed to platonic relationships, also.

“For instance, if your parents were not very affectionate and hardly ever hugged or kissed you, you may have an aversion to affection as an adult.”

I recall in the Defenders of Berk episode Scauldy, that when Astrid finally returns Snotlout’s affections/serial flirting (albeit in an insincere but well-acted way), Snotlout is immediately deterred and as such disgusted by her advances.

This is seen again with Ruffnut in the second and third film, and how he is quick to move on from and disregard her when she finally shows interest (albeit in both him and Fishlegs).

This shows that Snotlout actively pursues relationships (assumably romantic) where he is led to believe that his affections will not be returned or where they outright are not. Seeing as Spitelout, too, is not very affectionate, this could be a direct cause to Snotlout’s inability to find mutual affection very favourable or at the very least pleasant.

(A note worth mentioning is that in the season six episode Mi Amore Wing, Snotlout is the most visibly disgusted by the extreme affection shared between Mala and Dagur.)

Now, the most important question: is Snotlout aware of his father’s bad parenting? For that we go to the episode Team Astrid.

(The true villain of How To Train Your Dragon was Hiccup all along.)

Well, of course he is.

I think there’s something to be said for the change in Snotlout’s design. I won’t go too much into the theory here, but when Snotlout was younger he looked more like his father which shows that back then he was probably more blindsided to his father’s bad parenting ethics.

However, now that he is older he looks less like his father (squarer jaw, lighter skin, less freckles, shifted teeth), albeit still related in some way, which could be seen as a metaphor for how Snotlout is still looking up to his father, but is more aware than what he once was about what is so inherently wrong in their relationship (if not directly).

(This theory of mine also includes the idea as to why Spitelout has Deadly Nadder over a Monsteous Nightmare, which is briefly explained in the tags of this post here.)

As such, Snotlout clearly wants revenge that “the world owes him” (a line which could also double as him being owed for passing this opportunity up to actually listen to one of Hiccup’s orders, a trait which he gets better at in most instances as Race to the Edge goes on).

The way that Snotlout also puts emphasis on “I” and “him” here also implies that this is what Spitelout’s influence and presence over him is: a means to correct and shape him in a way that puts him down and never allows him to meet expectations, at least not fully. As such, this affects his ego and desire to be known, seen, as well as his view on relationships that hold a mutually professed affection whilst he still craves and shows a longing for his father’s approval and praise which deters him from anyone else’s (causing him to seek out relationships that are not mutually beneficial).

However, while I believe that Snotlout and Spitelout’s relationship isn’t beneficial to either parties, and as such toxic but not purposefully so (in fact I can imagine Spitelout’s relationship with his own father having been quite similar, but there is no evidence to support this, as far as I recall), I do not believe that it is inherently parasitic (otherwise I would be quoting the twins’ ramble about such relationships from Living on the Edge).

To sum up this analysis, I bring you these points:

Defamation: Snotlout was once well-liked amongst other Berkians for being strong and courageous but since Hiccup befriended the dragons Snotlout has since been pushed aside for the reasons he was once held in high esteem for.

As such, this makes him envious of Hiccup, and Hiccup’s relationship with Toothless, as Hiccup is now the one that everyone likes.

Defiance: This means that he is all too willing to prove and make a fool of himself due to this as well as trying to show to his father that he can amount to his expectations, and as such disregard most orders.

This makes Snotlout very willing to abide rules when he his put in a position of power above others, as seen in Reign of Fireworms. However he can sometimes get too carried away and disassociate himself from the role the more seriously he takes it.

Daddy issues: His and his father’s relationship is the reason why he chases relationships that treat him as the underdog despite his own ego, that either have him pursuing the forever unreciprocated (i.e. Astrid, and later Ruffnut) or even those that he idolises but is always disregarded (like Thor and Dagur), which could be seen as him trying to recreate his and his father’s relationship or perhaps search for the affection he has never properly received, but is immediately deterred once potentially finding or receiving it.

A part of Snotlout sees what is wrong with his and his father’s relationship, as seen with how he wishes to enact revenge through treating his father as he did him.

I think that the damage caused to Snotlout and his relationship with his father isn’t entirely reversible, I do believe that their relationship could reform. However, I don’t think them finding a means of doing so is entirely possible.

[solastia]

Apocalyptic Confessions

I was depressed Had a breakdown and wrote something sad and sweet Bone Apple Tea

Song: If the World Was Ending (JP Saxe ft. Julia Michaels)

Pairing: Namjoon x Yoongi

Warnings: Emotional infidelity (not between them), MCD, Basically bittersweet ending

(Posting this on tumblr because I read it again and my own work made me cry)

**************

He’d spent weeks thinking about how he’d like to spend his final day on earth since he’d first heard the news. He’d already gotten all his big wishes out of the way - everything from spending lots of time with his family and friends to finally getting a huge tattoo. He’d taken in a cat and a dog since rescues were now just giving them away. He ate as many delicious meals as he wanted until his cheeks filled and his chest expanded - always the first to go when he gained weight. 

He’d even gone back to Daegu for a while and walked the streets of his old neighborhood, soaking up the memories until the sky turned crimson and the air became riddled with more pollution than their usual yellow dust. 

He’d spent lots of precious time with his members and life-long friends once he returned. All the guys were older and established with their own families, so they would understandably be spending their last day with them, but they still spared time for their lifetime bachelor Suga hyung. 

He wasn’t ashamed to say every single one of them had cried in each other's arms. They’d all gone through so much together - grew up together, really - and they’d lived a good life until now. He’d reverted into his role of Bangtan Father Figure and comforted them as much as he could, holding their youngest members as they clung to him and cried into his seven million won jacket. The final goodbyes with his members had been even harder than the ones with his parents and brother. Poor Jungkook had cried so hard that Seokjin had to carry him to his car, and Hobah hadn’t been much better. 

That had been yesterday, though, and now all of his members were safely ensconced in their homes with their families to wait out their final day on Earth before the planet killed them all. 

He’d never looked into every detail of the circumstances. Didn’t feel like he needed to because he grasped the basics - global warming, planet combusts, everything dies. Today was the day the news had announced was the suspected D-day, and judging by the way the world was crumbling around them, it was accurate. 

As it was, breathing was getting harder and the temperatures were scorching. The sky had been a canvas of crimson, orange, and yellow for days. Debris fell from the sky as bits of the planet itself were obliterated. The scientists had predicted that the planet wouldn’t be completely destroyed, only just enough to kill everything and everyone off. Then in perhaps hundreds of years or more, life could begin again. He could only hope that if the afterlife were a thing, his spirit would survive and he’d be reborn with his members again. 

Ah , he sighed into his drink. He’s getting sappy. He didn’t even really believe in reincarnation or anything. But he’d want to be reborn and live next to him again. 

He closes his eyes and rolls the whiskey on his tongue as he settles into his recliner. He grabs the remote and hovers his thumb over the button, preparing himself mentally for what he’s about to watch. He exhales heavily and presses it, setting the controller down nearby in case it becomes too much and he needs to turn it off and finally turns his attention to the screen. 

The video comes to life slowly as an incredibly young version of himself peeks into view and grins at the camera while he adjusts the stand it sits on. The quality isn’t great because he’d purchased the old thing second-hand but it did the job. 

Yoongi shakes his head as he observes himself, noting the lack of his current wrinkles and the slim - nearly starving - physique. Not that he wasn’t still looking pretty damn good for someone that just turned forty-three. 

The boy in the video had just left home and joined BigHit. They still haven’t formed an actual group, he’s still at the bottom of every evaluation, and his knees are skinned and rubbed raw from trying to keep up with all the dancing. But his eyes are bright and he’s smiling at another kid that runs inside the dance studio. 

“Hyung, I’m back! Mom packed some dinner for you. Make sure you eat it all before the manager comes in.” 

The young Namjoon is a gangly thing with arms and legs that are too long for him to handle. He bends and smiles into the camera then shoves the fabric-wrapped bundle of food at Yoongi, watching him fondly as he shovels the food down his throat. Namjoon had always gone home to his parents at least once a week and always made sure to bring his starving roommate extra food. Their diets at the time had been brutal. 

Yoongi observes the two of them on the video, shaking his head as he watches them practice (very badly) some choreography to get them through the next evaluation. 

His idea for starting this video had been a little sad. He hadn’t been sure he would make it. He’d hoped and dreamed - worked his ass off - but you can never be completely sure of what the future holds. He’d always been more of a hope for the best but prepare for the worst kinda guy. So he’d bought the old camera and decided to film what he could so that when he someday was kicked out and had to go back to working some mundane retail job, he could look back at the memories. 

Only each clip that he added to the files of videos over the years showed them rising higher and higher. And he always made sure to get lots of close-ups of the man that held his heart. 

Not that he’d ever admitted that bit out loud, but it was no less true. He thought he could almost see himself falling as he watched the videos, observing the two of them go from teenage boys with alpha complexes to being best friends in chronological order. Not that they always got along - even they had their fiery battles where Namjoon could be the pettiest bitch alive and Yoongi had the magical ability to say exactly what could hurt the most. But they both had the same dream and both were stubborn as hell so they’d learned their way around each other. Eventually, Yoongi realized that the feelings of respect he’d developed for his friend and member kept growing until it was verging on dangerous. 

He’d always known he wasn’t quite…straight. Maybe not gay. Bi? Whatever. He’d never really liked labels. He’d had crushes on a few girls in high school and a few crushes on some male celebrities. He’d planned on marrying a woman and having kids to make his parents happy eventually, but he’d never felt for anyone else what he felt for Kim Namjoon. No matter how many blind dates he’d been set up on or escorts and models he’d fucked - not a single one of them was able to erase the way his heart skipped a beat when that big smile with his ridiculously deep dimples was aimed at Yoongi. 

However, his defining characteristics were that he’s a true Pisces and a workaholic, so he did what he did best - pined from afar and threw himself into his work. He’d done that successfully all these years, even as his members grew up, found their own loves, and created their own lives outside of their group. He found his version of happiness filling the world with his music. 

Still, he’d never stopped filming the videos. He’d never posted them publicly like JK had with his GC films. These weren’t for the world to see. These were memories that he kept for himself. For days like today, he supposed, when he was sitting all alone and facing the end of the world with just a drink and his precious memories. 

Surprisingly, he seemed to have kept them fairly balanced between the members. He had as many clips of the kids being silly as he did of Namjoon or himself. Lots of them hanging out in their old dorms, graduations, and silly teen antics. A bunch of videos of them drinking and acting stupid, usually having heated debates over absurd topics for fun, and Namjoon drunkenly discussing philosophical shit that put the younger ones to sleep. 

All their big moments he caught on film usually the second the Bighit cameras were gone, so he had lots of clips of them sobbing after winning their first awards. 

Actually, after that first award he’d had to pause the clip for a moment, staring at the way Namjoon was looking into the camera. At the time, he’d probably missed it or dismissed it - he didn’t remember. But now…the way that Namjoon stared into the camera…was because Yoongi was behind it. He was puffed up with pride and had that gorilla chin thing going on, but there was something else there. Something that made current Yoongi’s chest flutter dangerously. 

He fast-forwarded through other scenes for the next hour, noticing the trend. Namjoon would melt whenever Yoongi busted out his old camera and looked into the lens like the two of them were the only ones there. 

Huh. 

He’d never even noticed. He’d always been caught up in the moments as well, so maybe that was why. Or maybe the obliterated ozone was making him hallucinate. Whatever. He saw…something there. 

Or maybe he was just grasping for something to hold onto during his final moments. 

He sighed and slid from his seat, intending to top off his drink and maybe grab a pack of cookies. One benefit of being hours from death - no dieting. 

He put a few cookies on a plate, stared at it, then set the whole package on the tray as well. Then he grabbed his bottle of whiskey - a forty-five-year-old single malt scotch that he threw thousands down for that tasted just barely better than the stuff he bought at the grocery store for fifty won - and prepared himself another glass. 

He carried his tray of goods back to his seat and settled back in to watch more, pausing now and then to give the Maltese he’d adopted a cookie. 

After a few hours, the lights started to flicker and he stood up to peek outside. The sky was a violent crimson now, shot with orange and smatterings of black. There were small fires all over the city as things burned and crumbled. A cloud was in the far distance - crimson as everything else - but swirling and filled with debris. He figured that was probably going to be what took him out. He had no idea how he was staying as calm as he was. 

He took a shaky breath and reached down to pet the grey cat he’d adopted along with the Maltese. They were both anxious but dealing with it well. 

The cat meowed and twirled around his legs. 

“What do you need, Mellodi? Are you hungry?” 

He hums and leads the cat to the kitchen, the little white fluffball he’d named Gangaji (because he didn’t have the brain power left to think of anything better and it’s not like the pup would have to live with it forever) following them for a treat of his own. 

He fixes them the wet food he’d gotten from the shelter and watches them for a moment, wishing he’d gotten them sooner. It was nice having someone to take care of at home. 

He leaves them to their supper and goes back to the living room, realizing he’d forgotten to pause the video. It was playing the moment he’d busted out his old camera as Namjoon got ready for his wedding. He’d looked amazing - of fucking course he had. 

His hair had been dyed black and he’d gone with the usual black and white tux, but with little Namjoonesque accessories. 

And holy fuck, there was that look again. Namjoon stared into the lens right into Yoongi’s soul, smiling a little. 

“Hyung. I should do this, right?” 

He remembered how he’d practically heard alarm bells when Namjoon had said that. 

“You should only do what you want to do, Joon. You don’t have to marry someone to love them. Is this something you want?” He heard himself say and nodded at his sage wisdom. 

Namjoon sighed. “Yeah. Yeah, I care about her and I’m excited to have a family.” 

He turned to the camera again and grinned into the lens. 

“You ever wanna get married, hyung? Or are you strictly dickly these days?” 

Yoongi had scoffed playfully. “Maybe. I’m in no rush. Plus, you know, I’m hard to deal with.” 

Namjoon shook his head and frowned into the camera. 

“You’re perfect, hyung. Not traditionally perfect, perhaps, but the perfect Yoongi. You know? You don’t need to change or become someone that is “easy to deal with.” Someone will learn to fit themselves to your puzzle piece instead of jamming them together - like we did. You know?” 

Namjoon had veered so much into his metaphor land that he nearly sounded like Taehyung. 

“Yeah, I hear you. And you’ll be good too.” 

Namjoon nodded, then took a deep breath. His eyes flattened into slits as he stared at Yoongi. 

“I love you, hyung.” 

“Love ya too, babo.” 

Yoongi stared at the screen, breathing in shakily. Fuck, he loved that man so much. He rewound the video, staring at Namjoon’s face as he said the words again. 

“I love you, hyung.” 

He could almost pretend they were said the way he’d always wanted to hear them. 

He sighed wearily and scratched the cat’s head when she jumped on him for attention. No sense dwelling on this now. 

He shut off the TV and leaned back in his seat, staring up at the ceiling while he continued to pet the cat. The clocks all over the house showed that it was almost ten in the evening now, which explained why he was starting to feel a little tired. Maybe he should just spend his last moments on earth doing what he loved best - napping. 

He nods to himself and groans as he heaves himself from the chair. He begins to shuffle towards the bedroom with his two new shadows following behind him when he hears his door rattle. 

Gangaji gives a single tiny bark and then he hears a knock. Not just any knock, but a series of four followed by a pause then two more. Namjoon’s knock. 

Yoongi’s eyebrows practically fly off his face in his surprise. He quickly jogs towards the door and messes with the locks, suddenly annoyed at his demand that there be at least four of them. Finally, he lifted the last latch and swung the door open, staring up in wonderment as Kim Namjoon stood there heaving heavy breaths as the world crumbled behind him. 

“What the fuck are you doing, Namjoon? Get the fuck inside!” 

He pulls the man into his apartment, his face turning bright pink from the small blast of heat and his worry. 

“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be with your wife and kids. You could have gotten seriously hurt! You could have… there's like fire out there and probably lava and shit and…”

Yoongi’s rant is muffled when a big hand grabs him by the shirt and pulls him closer. Namjoon is looking down at him - beautiful, glorious Namjoon who is a little bit sweaty from running around out there and has a cut on his arm - and Yoongi’s protests die. 

Namjoon is giving him the look from the video. The one that made his heart race and his stomach feel like he ate stew that had been on his Halmoni’s stove for five days straight.

“I couldn’t do it.” 

Yoongi screws his nose in confusion. “Couldn’t do what?” 

“I couldn’t live my last night on earth in a lie. I couldn’t…I tried to lay down with Aera and the kids but I just kept thinking of you here alone and…”

Oh. It was a charity thing. 

He forces a smile and pats his friend’s chest. That bouncy and plump chest that he still had after all these years…

He cleared his throat to make his straying thoughts cease. 

“You don’t have to worry about hyung, Joon. I got a couple of kids myself and I’m good. You need to go home,” he waves a hand carelessly and shows Namjoon the animals he’d gotten. 

Namjoon stares at them for a second and it’s obvious that he has to fight the urge to reach down to the puppy. He shakes his head and stares at Yoongi again, his gaze tightening with some sort of resolve. 

“No, hyung. The lie is that my home isn’t you . I want to be here with you .  I love you and I always have. You don’t have to do anything just…let me stay with you.” 

Yoongi’s heart is hammering in his chest as he stares up at his friend. “Like…romantically?” 

Namjoon’s smile quirks and he raises his eyebrow. “Yeah, hyung. Like romantically.” 

“How long?” 

Yoongi wasn’t sure that the answer mattered anymore, but he was curious. 

“Long time. Years and years. All the reasons why I didn’t go for it seem stupid and irrelevant now. But I…I just wanted to be selfish. Can I just…be selfish for today? Our final day on earth and I want to…” his head drops and Yoongi can hear his voice begin to wobble. “I want to die with you in my arms. I want to hold you and tell you I love you and that…that even though I don’t believe in reincarnation I want to just so we can do better next time.” 

Yoongi leans forward and presses his forehead into Namjoon’s chest. He breathes in deeply - taking note that underneath the sulphuric odor from outdoors, he was still wearing that fancy body wash scent. 

“I want that too,” he whispered, deciding fuck yeah, they can be selfish. He’d been sharing Namjoon with the world for twenty-five years. He deserves one fucking night. 

“Yeah?” Namjoon tilts his head up by his chin. “I kinda suspected sometimes that maybe you too but…do you love me? Like romantically?” He grins. 

Yoongi sighs dramatically, an answering shy smile tilting his lips. “Yeah, like romantically.” 

Namjoon gives his real smile then, the one that shows both dimples and the shine from his teeth could power a small country. Yoongi always loved Namjoon’s smile. 

Silently, he lets Namjoon lead them to the bedroom. He nods at the other's feet and Namjoon clumsily kicks off his shoes and - after sneaking a peek at Yoongi - snakes out of his jeans too. Yoongi climbs into bed and watches as Namjoon lowers himself next to him. How many nights had he laid in this very spot wishing he’d look over and see this very sight? 

Namjoon sighs as he lays his head on the pillow and reaches for Yoongi. The smaller man allows himself to be pulled closer and molded into the cage of Namjoon’s larger frame. He takes a deep breath and laces their legs together, pointedly ignoring the sound of glass breaking from somewhere in the living room. The animals race to get under the bed and he ignores that too, focusing only on the fact that he’s finally where he belongs at last. 

“I love you,” Namjoon rumbles, smiling happily. “Love you. Feels so good to finally get to say it.” 

Yoongi knows exactly what he means. Feels the need to say it over and over again like it’s a ward to keep him safe. 

“Love you, Kim Namjoon,” he sighs, reaching an arm across the small waist to pull himself even closer to him. Fuck, if he could figure out how to meld themselves together he totally would. 

Namjoon reaches out a large hand to tilt Yoongi’s face up, kissing him softly. Petal soft kisses span his entire face as Namjoon kisses first his lips, then his nose, both of his closed eyelids and finally his forehead before placing his hand on top of Yoongi’s head and playing with the strands. 

The sound of wood splintering has Yoongi whimpering and trying to get closer still, even if it’s physically impossible. 

The end was here at their beginning. 

“Hyung. I’ll love you next time too, okay? Don’t forget.” 

It’s getting harder to breathe as toxic fumes reach them and Yoongi fights to keep his eyes open. He stares hard at the man holding him, the love of his life. Of all his lives, if he had his way. The one he grew up with, fought with, dreamed with, loved with all his heart. 

“I’ll remember, Joon. Go to sleep now. I love you.” 

He watches as Namjoon tries to take one last huge breath, then his eyes shut and his arms tighten around Yoongi. He stares for one more second and then closes his own, sleeping forever in the arms of his love. 

[mikareo]

“ ࣭⸰ ★ post of gratitude ! <3

⊹ ⠀⠀ hi guys! on my old blog, i'd make a post every november to spread gratitude for the mutuals i interact w most n wanted to carry that tradition onto this blog! ily all and hope that your day was wonderful today (unless ur a nanami stan bc that was rlly rough im so sorry abt that ep ajskl)

psa; if u weren't tagged in this post, pls know that i appreciate u very much and would love to interact w u more!! msg me anytime n i'll try my best to visit ur inbox in the near future!

꒰ . . to my readers ꒱

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ thank u so much for supporting my work by reading, liking, sharing, or commenting on any of my writing! i love reading through reblogs and seeing what u guys think of my ideas,, it's so motivating n i appreciate it so much like omg sometimes u got my kickin my feet reading thru ur comments ajskl i hope to post quality content for ur enjoyment n i luv u all,, much more to come as time goes on !!!

꒰ . . to my mutuals ꒱ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ᯇ in alphabetical order

⌗ @chigirizzz ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ hi val! just wanted to say that i love how supportive u are of other creators on the site,, i feel like whenever i see u on the dash ur always hyping someone up or making their day brighter! ALSO i cant believe u also know the voltage otome games bc i feel like i'm crazy sometimes bc no one know what they are LMFAO i hope u had an amazing day !!!

⌗ @doobea ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ dooby!!! i love the bright energy u bring to my dash n i think ur absolutely gorgeous (u ate that choso costume up omg ajskdlf) ur always such a pleasure to interact w n i think ur writing is amazing,, i rlly need to just binge it all one night ESP the choso fics u post bc ur writing rlly captures how much u love him LOL my fav choso worshipper <3 hope yall get married!

⌗ @hesthermay ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ hi pookie teehee,, i haven't answered ur text yet bc i was trying to figure out how to fry chicken (3 of them were raw ajsklf) but i will after i post this lol. ilyvm and i can't wait for u to stay w me,, i'm gonna take u to the mall n treat u to some canes chicken fingers *heart eyes* (i'm typing on my laptop forgive me) you've been w me since my org blog from sept 2020 n i act can't believe how long we've known each other now (3 years!) ur so old like ur my granny but that's ok bc ur my favorite granny ever,, sorry for violating u #ageism is not okay,, i miss u so much n i miss ur bf bc ur my mom n dad (legally) i even miss ur roommate who i actually can't rlly remember the name of but that's not the point i'm trying to make so forget i said that part,, i definitely know his name!!! also i decided that kingsley is my favorite dog u have bc he's tiny n reminds me of my doggie,, luv ya! text u in a bit!

⌗ @itadorey ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ omg hi inez, remember these? no u probably don't bc i got rlly lazy w my blog in the late days (rip aitarose) i love all of the tiktoks u send me n i love ur instagram stories bc they make me laugh n i love how much u love snoopy,, he's literally my idol n there are so many statues of him in my city it's so funny n they always make me think of u. ur my yung gravy queen,, i love u so much n i'm so glad hq tumblr let me meet u even tho it was lowkey traumatizing (yikes) our mudae days were so fun,, esp the night i let that person put the roleplay bot into my server jkals so grateful for u !!!

⌗ @kitorin ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ hiiii souta!!!! i just wanted to say that i LOVE seeing u comment first on my writing posts,, like it motivates me so much bc i know i have such a large support system coming from u n ur so sweet n talented AJSJJJ u were (i think?) my first new mutual on this blog when i first made it,, n you've made coming back to tumblr such a welcoming n amazing experience! i'm so grateful to be ur mutual n i hope you've had an absolutely amazing day!

⌗ @mymegumi ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ firstly BITCH ANSWER MY TEXT. secondly, happy thanksgiving! <3 wish we were spending it together but distance is real n it hates us :( miss u and can't wait to see u whenever that is lmfao like whenever plane tickets decide to stop being so expensive,, so glad we aren't beefing anymore haha that was so silly of us... anyways... whenever i do see u, i'm going to give u a big hug n then we're going to gossip abt everything that's happened since we were last together n it's going to be great bc i'm going to make u watch twice videos n ur gonna love them as much as i do bc i'm ur sister n u have no choice but to love what i love! hahaha... i love you so much n i'm so glad ur my sister #meimei n jiajia 4ever <- that's actually approved by me n that's all that matters bc i'm actually the president of the world and ur my favorite person on it jaklsdf ANSWER MY TEXT BITCH

⌗ @pokkomi ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ chiu u r genuinely one of the most positive ppl i've ever met on tumblr n i love u sm for it like jaskdlfjdkl u always make my day when u reblog a post n reading ur tags is so heartwarming n it makes me want to write a million more pieces just to see what u think of them,, ur theme is absolutely adorable n i love ur alpha wolf pfp bc it's so funny n i was literally giggling when u were answering asks abt it n i saw them on my dash,, i hope that every day is an amazing day for u n if u ever need anything u can come in my pms to chat or my inbox (i will def be saying hi later in urs LOL) have an amazing amazing day n i can't wait for u to post any kind of writing in the future!

⌗ @rewh0re ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ hi hana!!! i'm so glad u popped into my inbox n said hi bc i always saw u interacting w ppl on the dash n i was too nervous to say hi jakfsdlkl i love interacting w u n talking abt whatever n whenever in inboxes or replies,, ur username always makes me giggle n i love it so much (i always read it as 'reo whore' for some reason asjfdkl but i love it) i send ur kuroo fics to my kuroo stan friend n she eats them up,, ur writing style is so beautiful n emotional,, i love the way u structure ur plots w metaphors n repetition n symbolism n everything u put into ur hard work it's all so amazing,, wishing u the very best day tmr ever!

⌗ @wishmemel ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAFI!!!! ik i alr said it but it never hurts to hear a million times n more! i associate u sm w sanrio like idk if mymelo is ur favorite but in my head u r the real life her ajsfkl,, ur so sweet n genuine i love interacting w u n seeing u all over my dash,, I HOPE UR BIRTHDAY WAS AMAZING !!!! ... fixing this bc im screaming bc i can't believe i mixed that up omg... anyways... LUV U

⌗ @yoisami ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ OKAY FIRST i literally LOVE ur theme like it's so cute n so fitting to ur personality i love it sm ajsfkdl saki ur so sweet n i'm so glad we're mutuals bc i always look forwards to seeing u on my dash or going to ur inbox (which i'm lacking on rn but i promise i'll visit it more soon jaskdl!!!!) the way u support ff writing on tumblr is so amazing w ur reblogs n tags,, n i look foward to reading more of ur writing in the future (hopefully i can live up to ur sweet tags!) !!! have an amazing amazing day saki !!!!!!

⌗ @y2kuromi ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ screaming bc i got ur bday mixed up w another mutual but HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN LMFAO !!!! i hope that ur day was so amazing n that i'm not getting this wrong again (SORRY SAFI) !!! mimi ur so nice i'm like giggling so hard rn im so sorry,, happy happy birthday hope it was amazing!

⌗ all of my other loves <3 ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ i love being mutuals w all of u n being a part of such a supportive writing community! ur all so talented n ur blogs r beautiful, i hope ur day was absolutely amazing n that we can interact more in the future (i will be invading ur inboxes that's a promise ajfskdl) !!!! happy november!!!

[cinamun]

Things Fall Apart is a masterpiece, the way you write everything has me crying or cracking up or hot and bothered like Darren?’ Give me his fine ass! Or Juan?! I’d like to be in the middle of them 😉

Sadly I can’t like or rebolog the post’s because it takes me to tumblr.com on mobile, but I want to say that this is THEE best story I’ve read, I’m on chapter 13 and just fjsjjejd this story has me in my feels.

The CC and mods you use are so fucking dope and Indya please I would let her sit on my face she’s so pretty and funny and cute I want her or I want to be her, not sure yet.

I wanted to say thank you for the craft and dedication you’re putting into this, it’s so awesome and you’re very talented at story telling and creating Sims! I can’t wait to se where this story goes….

I hope you get your cat ate from the front to the back because miss. ma’am this is some high quality shit.

FRIEND!!! Not from the front AND the back??

Purrrrrrrrr I hope so too becaue its been forever chile.... also OMG Thank you so much! These are top tier compliments and I don't even know what to do with myself at this point but run around screaming! Also yes, tumblr's mobile links suck ass but I'm so glad you are enjoying it. Chapter 13 out of 22!! Not bad and WOW we're still going strong after all these years lol

I really appreciate you love, and I love that you love what comes out of this wacky little brain when i'm playing around with these pixel people's livelihoods lol they've definitely seen some shit fuckin with me!! Anyway, we're still going strong not only because sims 5 looks wack asl right now, but also because this is my hobby and literally the only creative outlet I have. Basically y'all are stuck with me!

[zalrb]

Hey! I saw your oth reviews and I think one of them talked about the tortured artist x tortured athlete trope and I was wondering if that's actually a thing? Because all the shows and movies I watched it's always a grumpy character with a sunshine optimistic character. If so, is there any couple in media that does the trope better than oth?

Tumblr ate my original response. Hurrah.

So, "tortured artist and tortured athlete" isn't actually a trope or at least not one that I'm aware of, I brought it up because Haley brings it up, basically going he's tortured and you're tortured so you're obviously a match

but what it's supposed to be is what KW describes with Stelena

"Elena was like this walking dead person, she felt dead inside. And along come Stefan, who literally is dead, and looking for a way to come back to life. And these two people, these two souls who were really, you know, out of breath, find each other and learn to breathe again and fall madly in love. And from that, this epic love story was born"

as in, you have your angst, he has his angst, and you see each other's angst and all the reasons for it so you have this unparalleled emotional connection that transcends everything,

kind of like Ash and Michael in Disco

Their emotional chemistry and intimacy comes naturally and organically to them while also taking on a cosmic quality.

On top of that they share the similarities in their liminality: Michael, a human raised on Vulcan struggling between logic and emotion and Ash, a fusion of human and Klingon, both of which are conditions steeped in traumatic events, and in season one they helped each other navigate that

Or even Ryan and Marissa, Ryan broods, Marissa has her rich white girl problems, they connect and it’s why I compare Leyton to Ryissa all the time

 because Ryissa did it soooooooooooooo much better since, you know, they actually did it

https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/692595632653975552/leyton-literally-has-nothing-going-for-them-not

[the-aph-circus]

I posted 1,487 times in 2022

That's 1,103 more posts than 2021!

10 posts created (1%)

1,477 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@chizu5645

@acemapleeh

@kyuhu

@thealmightytema

@ironicorange

I tagged 59 of my posts in 2022

#hetalia - 16 posts

#hetalia fanart - 5 posts

#fanart - 5 posts

#poketalia - 3 posts

#hetalia italy - 2 posts

#hws veneziano - 2 posts

#aph romania - 2 posts

#hws romania - 2 posts

#hetalia romania - 2 posts

#hws italy - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#thinking about the time i bought a shirt for a friend bc he was too nervous and i gave him the reciept and he ate it without hesitation

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

(Click for better quality)

yes I am just venting about retail what of it

12 notes - Posted March 18, 2022

#4

I cannot believe THIS is how I'm kicking off my poketalia au yet here we are

12 notes - Posted March 12, 2022

#3

I opened up my art program and totally forgot the context to this but

Ameripan in a Morrisons

13 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

#2

Just as an FYI, I'm immediately blocking any hetalia creators that are posting fancontent about the conflict going on in Ukraine right now. It's distasteful and frankly disgusting. Hetalia is not about current affairs, it's a stupid comedy. Ukraine is not an anime character, it is a nation.

21 notes - Posted February 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Anyone else notice that a lot of aph russia's personality traits are like, also a lot of autism traits? His flat expression. His direct way of speaking and him getting confused on why this doesn't get him friends. His being perceived as "scary". Him getting super interested in topics like chemistry or what was it in that new series. Maybe the scarf is even like a comfort or a chew thing. Idk something I've been thinking about recently :)

41 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

.... I need to start tagging more.

[charmedslayer]

I posted 2,690 times in 2022

198 posts created (7%)

2,492 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@charmedslayer

@phoebehalliwell

@haydenpanettieres

@whatisyourchildhoodtrauma

@bob-belcher

I tagged 2,654 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#btvs - 514 posts

#tagged &lt;3 - 456 posts

#charmed - 326 posts

#*mine - 308 posts

#movie - 252 posts

#ats - 251 posts

#buffy summers - 251 posts

#sr - 230 posts

#tv shows - 174 posts

#finish tagging - 161 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#but yeah just trying to use the best possible quality in general and sometimes being met with very few notes can be kinda demoralizing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

2,999 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#4

F.R.I.E.N.D.S (1994–2004) The One Where Underdog Gets Away

3,494 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#3

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY | 2x07 – “Attack Ad” I do not agree with anything in that commercial. I just think that we need to find a different way to get what we want. If we stoop to their level, we're no better than they are.

4,765 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

#2

See the full post

5,219 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

#2020, 2021, and 2022 be like

9,140 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[iindigo-puff]

Shoma Uno: Boléro IV ~New Breath~ • World Championships 2022

[straikidz]

Hyunjin:

Me: the tiktok jumped out huh?

[inhuman-obey-me]

Happy Birthday Barbatos!

Tumblr ate the quality on these so please click to see properly. <3 

HEADCANON

There are various dark shapes all over Barbatos's body, which might seem to be tattoos at first glance. However, if you really look at them, you'll notice that they are ever-shifting, gradually traveling across him or falling away. Some are dark and sharp, while others look more faded or fuzzy, but there are always a mix of them, always changing. Careful not to stare too long, or you'll find yourself hypnotized by the patterns, lost in the entrancing way they glide upon his skin.

They are not tattoos at all, he explains, but rather shadows of other worlds -- glimpses of moments from other timelines and universes making themselves known upon his form.

Accompanying (slightly steamy) fic below the cut! Or read on AO3 here.

It's late into the night already when you finally manage to shoo everyone out of the hotel room, with excuses of having to get up early for the next day of the Confectionery Expo.

Another chorus of the rowdy group shouting "Happy birthday, Barbatos!" fills the air on their way out, leaving the air feeling cheerful, if now empty.

"My apologies, MC, I should have realized that you were growing tired. Or," the birthday demon says with a politely deferential smile as he comes up behind you to close the door after them, "was there some other reason you wanted them all gone?"

Ooh, cheeky bastard. You were trying to be coy about it, but of course Barbatos is too sharp not to have noticed.

You place a hand lightly on his chest, playing with the buttons on his shirt and batting your lashes coquettishly at him. "Well...I'm not the only one who was kind of excited that there's only one bed in here, am I?"

With a chuckle, he gently removes your hand from his shirt, and for a moment, you worry you might have done something wrong. You'd both been saying that you were happy for the time alone all day, but maybe you had misread things? Were you being too forward?

But no, he's removed your hand so he can undo the buttons himself. "No, I'll confess I was not particularly disappointed either. I wouldn't often have such an opportunity back at the Demon Lord's Castle, I suppose." Gloved fingers tilt your face upwards to meet his eyes. "We'll have to make the most of it."

He catches your lips in a kiss, guiding your hand back onto him. You quickly slide the silky smooth material of his now-open shirt off his shoulders, exploring his usually covered-up frame until your fingers find his and he presses you and your intertwined hands back against the door.

When he finally draws back, you gasp in surprise at the sight.

Given the modesty of his usual butler garb, you hadn't really seen much of his skin before -- and you hadn't quite been expecting to see every inch of the prim and proper servant's torso covered in darkly patterned tattoos. And are they...moving?

He chuckles softly at your surprise and steps back a bit for you to better take it all in. "Not what you were expecting?"

"I don't know what I was expecting," you answer absently, too drawn in by the way the shadows glide slowly across him. Different patterns move in different directions, overlapping and coming undone as they travel, and you yourself feel like you're coming undone at watching them. "What...are they? Tattoos?"

"Not quite," he smiles. "They're shadows."

"Shadows?" you repeat.

Without thinking, you reach a hand out to trace the designs. They're smooth upon his skin, and true to his description, they feel a little bit colder on the darkest parts. Some seem to be patterned in sharply angled lines, while others flow freely in rounded tendrils. They glide across his body at different speeds, seemingly disappearing in random places at times, as others shimmer into existence elsewhere to take their place.

"Yes, shadows. Of other universes. They are from other timelines, you see," he explains, sounding a bit amused. "That one you're touching now is from a far off timeline that long since branched, in which the Demon King never retired to sleep. As the Young Master never took power in that world, conflict is ongoing between the realms, and so a group of lesser demons has surrounded a young angel, where your finger is resting. They will soon destroy and devour the angel, for many of the lesser demons in this world often go hungry."

Now that he's explained it, you're able to make out the abstract shapes of the scene a bit more clearly. Just as he described, a figure in the center morphs, a vague shape of wings bursting out before other silhouettes in the scene pounce upon it, tearing it to shreds. You follow the lines with your fingers, brushing lightly across his shoulder until the shapes lead you to his back, where they disappear.

Gently, he tips your gaze back to his face. "Careful, my love. They'll draw you in if you don't look away," he whispers.

Blushing a little at having gotten so distracted by the shadowy shapes, you quickly close the distance between you, and he pulls you into another long kiss.

It's not long before he undoes your shirt as well, and leads you back towards the bed, sitting you both down at the edge. A tingle runs down your spine at the feeling of his skin against yours, occasional colder spots leaving chilly caresses upon your body as the shadowy shapes travel across his.

You lean down to tuck a few light kisses upon his neck, and the tendrils of another tattoo-like shadow flit down to meet your lips. It tickles a bit, and you can't help but let out a giggle at the sensation. "What's this?" you murmur, running your fingers over the spot as you take the moment as an opportunity to catch your breath a little.

"A phantombeak avocet - a rare Devildom bird - building a nest," he answers, running his fingers through your hair. "They're quite famous for their long...beaks." His breath catches slightly on the last word as you mischievously dive back in to plant another kiss upon the spot on his neck.

Amused at having elicited such a reaction from the normally never surprisable butler, you decide to continue asking him about the shapes as you travel down his body.

"What about this one?" you ask, brushing your lips teasingly over his collarbone, where one set of thin, twisting black lines disappears into another.

"A snake, slithering into a cave to find its next meal," he hums in response.

You slide your fingers further down, tracing the sharp edges of another group of lines just above his abdomen. "And this one?" you ask. The lines of this set are dark, though thin, and look like a set of triangles.

He frowns slightly. "That one is a bit of a grisly scene, in a timeline much closer to this one. Another couple staying in this same room, but one of them has just discovered the other's...indiscretions. What you see there is his hand, wrapped around a knife. His lover won't survive the night, I'm afraid."

"Oh!" Your face pales, and you quickly pull your hand back, but he chuckles at your reaction.

"Not to worry, they're far from us even if the timeline is close. But," he says, rolling you over down onto the bed, the breath of his next whispered words tickling against your ear, "let us set the shadows aside for now, hmm, my love? You've been running your lips and fingers all over me the whole night. I do believe it's my turn."

[hueningkai]

hey can i know how do you create gifs?

hi!! sorry for taking a while, and i had a whole response written out before tumblr ate it arghhh! anyway i'm not the best at giving advice but i will try~ i hope this helps, feel free to ask questions any time <3

ok so firstly i use high quality videos as much as possible. ideally 1080p/4k or .ts files for performances. i rarely use 720p, as they aren't always the best to work with. i use 4k video downloader to download videos, and soshistagram to download vlive videos!

i use vapoursynth to make my gifs.

i didn't actually add my settings here, but i typically use 0.80 finesharp as shown in top right. sometimes 0.60. for performances i use the preprocessor setting at 60 fps fast and set KNLM to 1.60-2.00. this isn't relevant here! when i save my gifs i export them as a gif at 0.05 secs. most people export to a MOV which probably retains quality, however this option doesn���t work for me so i have to export as gifs ... saving as a gif twice probably lowers quality and is partly why mine end up grainy a lot i stg so i think the exporting as MOV method works better? anyway there is a vapoursynth tutorial here that i like, and it explains the settings and MOV method in more detail.

i use photoshop to edit my gifs. i have photoshop cc 2015. it’s an old version yeah but i’m too tight to pay for a new version when mine works just fine <3

here is my gif before i open photoshop 

and then i colour it!! i tend to use selective colour, exposure and levels layers the most. sometimes colour fill!! i believe colouring is an experimental process and there is no right or wrong way. i have set psds that i use and work from, i have my basic psd that i made and i always tweak it for generic gifs like these.

where i circled in blue is the adjustment layers button, here you can choose from many adjustments and find what works for you

then we file > export > save for web once we have finished colouring

here’s my settings! i think lol my laptop recently reset itself and therefore everything reset with it. i definitely know i use adaptive & pattern most of the time, sometimes diffusion. i can’t remember which quality i use but i set it to bicubic smoother this time. idk what that setting really does adhfksfj 

here is my gif after colouring!! i deleted the stray frames too to make it smoother~ and i’ve made a bigger watermark hehe ...

i hope this is somewhat helpful!! pls just shoot me a message if you need extra detail~ i suck at this hhhhhh

[peculiar-shardscape]

I posted 8,168 times in 2021

6390 posts created (78%)

1778 posts reblogged (22%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.3 posts.

I added 7,944 tags in 2021

#pinty prints - 3297 posts

#windy posts - 1607 posts

#roleplay - 518 posts

#anon points - 454 posts

#roblox - 451 posts

#art - 426 posts

#af - 372 posts

#adventure forward - 350 posts

#windy draws - 238 posts

#fusions - 231 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#in and again and again and im like ‘oh shit thats strat’ [cue backspacing] and them i go ‘lol signol-shit’ [backspacing ahain{ nandishsksgs

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I’m gonna give all haters of me a sincere and warm welcome to my blog. Welcome to my tumblr blog, make yourself at home! I’m Aristris and I’ll be looking after you all like a polite host. Ily all 💝

48 notes • Posted 2021-02-22 04:43:14 GMT

#4

Get A Snack At 4am Roleplay moments part 1/???

48 notes • Posted 2021-04-24 06:54:20 GMT

#3

GASA4 headcanons because I’m hopeless <3

CASHIER

-Probably super duper freaking tired. I mean. They have to stay up past 4am just for your hungry butt

-Trans He/They Enby. Sorry I don’t make the rules

-Closeted gay B)

-Resting b!tch face

-Barely smiles, but when he does, he’s wholesome as f^ck

-Plays rhythm games in his spare time

-And also Undertale but like. He doesn’t tell anyone

-Probably has twitter

DUMMY

-Terrible at keeping secrets. He tries, but most of the time his attempts are in vain

-He/They :)

-Bisexual boye <3

-REALLY good at storytelling and will probably ramble A LOT

-Trusts too easily, dear stars someone help this poor man

-Mistakes statues as real people since they look similar to him

-Probably plays RPG games and constantly talks to the NPCs like as if they can hear him

-Has probably hacked into said RPG games just to enter and talk to the NPCs

KYU

-They/It Agender

-AroAce

-Platonically dating Orby

-Can be forgetful sometimes

-idk why but if Kyu was humanised I’d imagine them with a rly cute bow on their head

-Knows what food is but probably doesn’t understand the concept of it

-Massive fourth-wall breaker, Kyu please stop

ORBY

-They’re actually canonically They/It but I’m still putting it here bc I’m allowed to

-They haven’t figured out their sexuality yet

-Platonically dating Kyu <3

-Mostly non-verbal and shy

-Would put their life in danger for the sake of others

-Finds music really soothing and nice (including heavy metal and such but nobody really questions it anymore)

FATHER FIGURE

-Probably homophobic who knows

-Doesn’t know what a shower is

-Has eaten literally NOTHING but chips in his whole entire life

-Chances are, the only expression he can make is a smile but you can still tell what actual emotion he’s feeling just by looking at him dead in the eyes

-Doesn’t know the difference between a dog and a racoon

-Doesn’t know the difference between any animal tbh but it’s not like he sees them often anyway

GUY FROM THE SEWERS

(idc if they barely get any screen time whatsoever they’re NOT immune to me headcanonning them)

-Raised by rats (probably is one/hj)

-He/She/They Agender

-Has never seen anyone ever in their life

-Doesn’t understand the concept of actually edible food

-“What’s that huge glowing ball in the sky?”

-“And why do my eyes hurt”

-Could be a mutant

I would give HCs ab Player but like. Idk if yalls would like those but eh. If yalls do want it, then throw my inbox into the sewer or something lmao. Enjoy your free headcanons, people

61 notes • Posted 2021-04-29 09:15:51 GMT

#2

Everybody, my favourite Cashier line

63 notes • Posted 2021-04-18 11:28:03 GMT

#1

Tumblr ate the quality F, but here y’all’s go! Support and validation from your favourite robo boy!! :)

btw, the pride icons on Mino are transmasc, non-binary and demisexual. I hc Mino to be a beep/boop/beepself masc enby! :)

86 notes • Posted 2021-06-02 10:41:16 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[hoedameron]

my favorite part of the week when a new prodigal son episode drops: my commentary on the latest gifset i created :)

above are four gifs that i made as either alternative colorings (malcolm and ainsley’s respective gifs) or bonus/extra gifs in case one of the ones i intended to use didn’t fit the “vibe” (martin and jessica’s respective scenes). did not intend that the entire whitly family would be on this gifset pero it’s nice to see the family back together ☺ lemme just say that the extra bonus gifs that i made...the way i didn’t end up using them like they were made because i feared i didn’t like some of the colorings for the gifs and you know how when you upload them to tumblr, the quality changes. so they were a rush job and i didn’t really like how they came out and maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. reason why i didn’t use the alternative colorings for the whitly children is because i thought the one i used for malcolm was way more richer in color whereas ainsley’s had too much warmth.

now i did end up using two different psds for this gifset. no, i didn’t mashup any of them because one of them was more of a brightening psd and though some of these scenes (if not most) have you holding up a flashlight to see what the hell is going on, the brightening was a bit...harsh if it wasn’t a scene that was in the dark. luckily, this brightening psd worked harmoniously with the primary psd and it was super seamless in being a cohesive set. now, i actually only used this brightening psd twice...can you guess which ones i used it on? answer in the tags xx

i would show y’all my notes that i wrote but they are mainly notes for dialogue gifsets that i hope i can create (i’ve been hella out of practice and i know the standard fonts and size has changed). going to check the tag just in case nobody has already made it because i don’t wanna spend a copious amount of time on a set and have it already been done. ANYWAYS! where to begin about this episode...it wasn’t heavy in “aesthetic” shots and like i stated before, the coloring of the scenes was kinda...not very good </3 BUT! there were some interesting shots and if the gifs framing seem the same....apologies but they were literally the only ones that grabbed my attention. the thing i am noticing about prodigal son is how they like to frame two people in a scene and they love to do over the shoulder shots. there is probably like one or two token aesthetic shots and like....boom. also, i do wanna note that i try to avoid the gore-y scenes like the victim’s body and any sort of heavy blood. i don’t want people to be turned off or scared by any of my gifsets when they’re not looking for it so i wanna respect anyone who reblogs and likes my content!!

gonna need the prodigal son team to like....help us content creators OUT because damn!! it really is hard to color without losing the integrity of the scene. you can brighten a scene, you can darken a scene, but you lose a lot of what makes the scene. from a few tags on my gifsets, people like how i recolor a scene, and i am always like thank you !!! 🥰🥺💖 i try really hard to get the best out of psd and the scene <3 however, i fear that my preference for warm tones over cool tones might hinder me. listen, i do experiment with different colorings but my gosh, my brain sees warmth and goes brrr and i want to branch out and do something new but MY GOSH !! WARMTH!! and in a show like prodigal son, it feels a bit like out of the ordinary, and i like that. i really like that i put something that is missing. maybe next time i will try cooler tones but i don’t make any promises :( 

and that does it for me!! i think i wrote everything that i wanted to...WAIT! now, i do have to admit that this gifset was indeed a rush job. i downloaded the episode while watching “big sky” and it was growing late and i hadn’t been online in awhile so i had to catch up on everything when i intended to rewatch the episode that night. anyways, as soon as i ate breakfast, i was watching (a little bit of skimming) this episode and finding scenes to make gifs of. i really wanted to write down the dialogue of the potential gifsets then kinda, turned my brain off a bit for the aesthetic gifset. so then i started making these gifs and photoshop was being SUPER slow so i was like only able to make two to three gifs at a time (i would have to exit off, task manager snipe ps, then take a break bc my ass hurt then go back at it). so when i finished, it was getting closer to six pm which is my maximum cut off so i can do (please don’t laugh or @ me) some “decompression time” that goes from between 5 PM to 10 PM (sometimes, like this past time, starts at 6 PM and sometimes it ends at 9 or even 8:30 depending when i stopped being on the computer) where i don’t go on social media. i am radio silent in a lot of my socials besides twitter (follow me @/castieIsgf that’s an uppercase “i” instead of an “l” :3c). anyways, so i was rushing to get this shipped out and i slapped the gifs into random positions not really paying attention where and...yeah, i should’ve just slowed down!! i’m not mad or upset at the arrangement pero i’m kinda like mmmm!! lemme move swap the placement of these two gifs...but that’s water under the bridge!

also, this might be a little silly pero if you see me with just one tag of commentary on my gifset and it doesn’t have...panache or energy, it’s because i am restraining myself 😭 i want to so DESPERATELY react to my own gifset or react to the episode itself but i am afraid that having a lot of tags, especially if you have a lot of words in them, it overwhelms tumblr?? and makes your post not show up in the tags?? listen, i have seen people have over 30 tags and their post still shows up in their respective places but honestly, i do not wanna push it AT ALLLL so i limit myself to one tag, no exclamation or questions marks, no uppercase letters, no ellipses, NOTHING like it’s SOOO hard i feel like i am being censored 😔 PERO I WILL MAKE DO!!

[gwygle]

My Gabriel from @sosthemortalcoil but what if her hair was the halooo oOooh~

I’ve not really done anything like this before so a lot of trial and error went into it and tumblr still ate the quality rip

[sarakuper]

Mt. Hood & Portland, Oregon

Stops #10 & #11, Aug 9-13

For the fourth morning in a row we packed up and hit the road. We’ve been on the go go go ever since I got back from NY and we have been looking forward to settling into a spot and having some downtime.

I’ve noticed our travel days can be rough and Sean and I often get hangry (anger caused by hunger). I also learned that I really dislike shopping at Walmart, but damn it’s so cheap. Either way, we decided after this stop that we will no longer food shop there. With their low prices and ample space for parking a trailer we will see if we actually stick to that.

While en route to Mt. hood we also had to stop at an auto parts store because Sean wants to fix something that’s leaking in the truck. After several stops along the road we finally hit the last hour of our drive and a storm rolled in. We saw Mt. Hood in the distance hiding behind dark clouds. All of the sudden the sky is raging with lighting and thunder. It too another 10 minutes before the rain reached us, but when it did it hit hard. The lightning was far in the distance, but we had a clear view of it. And damn, there were some epic lighting strikes. Jaxon was hiding in the back seat as best as he could, squeezing himself behind the bottom of his dad’s seat as much as possible. He’s such a daddy’s boy 😝

When we arrived at our camp spot we nestled ourselves in between the trees and scoped out the rest of the grounds. This camping spot is beautiful, but sadly there are signs warning of closures because too many people leave trash behind and don’t dispose of their waste properly. You have to bury your poops 6 inches deep, at least! And always pack out your trash. It’s a shame that people don’t follow these protocols. Anyway, I made quesadillas on the first night and they actually came out so yummy! One of the things we bought was a rotisserie chicken and we spent 5 minutes shredding it to keep in a container so we could add it to any meal. Why didn’t we think of this earlier? It’s so convenient and also so tasty!

The next morning Alexis and Dou (Mamadou) arrived to camp with us for the next three nights. I spent the morning cleaning the camper and Sean worked on the car. We are so excited to have company to be able to socialize with people other than each other. Unfortunately, just before they came, water fell off the awning of our trailer and right into my lap as I was working on my laptop. I put rice on the keyboard and as per google’s suggestion, leave it off for 48 hours. For this reason I’m super happy we have internet at this campsite... Once Alexis and Dou arrived I taught them how to play kaluche while Sean worked on the truck. Man, I forgot how slow this game moves when you play with people just learning. It reminded me how much I sometimes hate this game 😂.

Later in the evening we hiked over to Trillium Lake, about 1 mile from our campsite, to fish and relax on the water. Dou had never fished before and was so pumped to, even though him and Sean got no bites. I guess the Kuper curse follows me around! Everyone else around us was catching fish left and right...

The night ended with lots of food, snacks, and kaluche until we all fell asleep. We planned to spend the next day in Portland, and that’s exactly what we did.

Portland is such a cool city! We were all impressed and fantasized about moving there. It was way more diverse than I expected and while I could tell it’s similar to Denver in that it’s changed a lot in the last 5 years while several more people were moving there, it was also clear that it’s managed to keep its originality. After a very fattening brunch we headed to the weekend market where we shopped, people watched, and ate some more. I accidentally left my camera in the trailer back at our campsite, so I was only able to capture some moments with my phone.

At the market I got a henna tattoo from an awesome lady named Aisha. I chose an elephant because I cant get those majestic creatures off my mind ever since Africa!

We watched some live music, drank smoothies, and even ate ice cream stuffed donuts. Alexis kept saying how full she was but would then eat more. Preggo life.

Coincidentally my cousin Jesse from NY was also in Portland with his wife Kristen and kid Owen! We met up with them in the late afternoon to catch up.

That night Alexis and Dou made us some quesadillas as we hung out and just laughed a lot.

The next morning we did not wake up early like we said we would for a hike. Instead of setting an alarm like we planned we woke up whenever our bodies felt like getting up and slowly made our way to the trailhead. Tom Dick and Harry Mountain trail was 9 miles out and back with 1,700 feet elevation gain, and the views were beautiful!

If you haven’t noticed yet, Alexis and Dou are expecting a baby in Jan and so I encouraged us to feel her belly in pictures. Sean opted out 😅

When we got back to our site it had finally been over 48 hours since I started letting my MacBook dry out, and so I tried turning it in. Big mistake. I learned later that only fried more parts inside. That time it turned on, but the display was busted. After that it did not turn on again. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been super bummed about this ever since it happened. I feel like my computer is my outlet for so many things. It holds about 20,000 photos currently, at least half of those are from my childhood. It’s my way to download my photos in the highest quality now that I finally bought a DSLR camera, and using tumblr has been like writing a journal- reflecting on everything and showing everyone makes me feel good. And now I don’t have my laptop to do that with. It’s not the same from my phone for so many reasons. So yeah, I’ve been pretty moody. At this point I made the plan to bring my computer into a tech company that could fix it in Portland. We planned to drive through Portland to head to the coast anyway, but instead of heading north along the coast into Washington, we will now have to go back to Portland to pick my laptop back up, and hopefully fixed. 

Anyway, it was so great to have Alexis and Dou with us, the four of us got along great... but also Sean and Dou have the cutest bromance. Anyway, they loved the camper trailer living and are thinking about getting one for their little fam. I can’t wait until that baby comes too!! They will have such beautiful mixed babies, me and Sam (our other bestie) have been waiting for this to happen for a while! Also I cannot get over Alexis pregnant. She is so small and yet so large. I even took a selfie with her belly 😍

Thanks for reading, love you all. 

[blu-b]

Blue's diary project: June 21st - 28th

I have neglected the diary project a lot, and I feel bad for it, but on the other hand nothing much happened in my life, so here have some bits and pieces and a few pics ^_^ Saturday, June 21st

I drove about 1.5 hrs to a harp festival in one of the bigger towns around here. Met with my friends who I hadn't seen in six months, but I noticed that something is off between us. We've known each other for 13 years, close to 14 this year (they're cousins), and maybe some friendships just last for a specific amount of time and then they just...go. I don't know. It's been weird and awkward, to say the least, which is sad because we used to have so much fun together. But this time we hardly knew what to talk about. It saddens me, but I think I won't call them again. This festival was the first out of a row of suggestions I made that they accepted, so I can't really say I haven't tried. I'm a bit tired with me being always the one who puts all her energy and enthusiasm into a friendship and gets little to nothing back. Why does it always have to be me who calls or writes? I never thought it'd happen with them, but apparently it does and if it's time to let go, well then.... Apart from that, the festival was nice. Nothing special, but nice. I've linked to a few soap bubble pictures here. I think this was also the night of the tumblr glitch when things didn't show up on the dashboards anymore. Ugh, what a fright - and how dependent have I become on this little blue website and the lovely people around here ^^ Sunday, June 22nd I managed a total of 2.5 hrs of sleep last night due to horniness circumstances, so when my flatmate banged on my door at half past nine I was like gahszzfjanfsks? wassup? Turned out they wanted to go to an antiques and vintage market (well, antiques in " " because it's basically stuff from people's attics; nothing of museum quality antique level). One of my flatmates runs a small company; he rents out props to film companies, so he's always on the lookout for unusual stuff. Most of the things aren't here but in a storage he rented, but there's some pretty interesting stuff in his part of the house, LOL. Anyway, so I usually enjoy this kind of thing, but this time I was just too tired to pay any attention, plus there weren't any bargains for me. The only thing I bought was a tutu skirt and a few books. My knee started to trouble me big time so I almost couldn't walk anymore; and when driving home we stopped at a restaurant to have some lunch - which was good, but we all ate so much that we couldn't do much but lie on the couch when we got home, because we were so full. In my case, I had a heavy stomach for the entire day and came very close to being sick, so this day was a mixed one :-/ Monday, June 23rd Since it's such a lovely weather these days, I spend most of my time outside; reading or doing garden stuff.

I also have more energy for creative projects again. I ordered some material for leather tooling and started making a small belt purse. It's something I've always wanted to learn. I'm outside most days until it's getting dark, so that was when I made this post because I suddenly realized where part of my big problem comes from. Thanks to tumblr, I have a lovely friend (Jane) who pointed out to me that I might suffer from seasonal affective disorder (reading a bit into the subject I am aware I totally do). I have a lot of weird shit going on with my head and I'm seeing doctors for that; but none of them ever even pointed out that this disorder exists, although I mentioned more than once that winter's lack of light and the dark days make me want to slam my car right into the next tree. Go fucking figure. So my next goal is seeing a specialist for this and hopefully get the issue fixed. I can't thank Jane enough for pointing it out to me ♥ Tuesday, June 24th I went to work and was all jolly with my workmates - one of whom is an elderly chap looking after the library - when all of a sudden I get a runny nose and need to sneeze all the time. Ow fuck, why do I get sick now and especially FROM WHAT?? It's been hot all the time, there's no way I could have caught a cold, except maybe when I went in someone's car last weekend and had the air conditioning blow straight in my face. Wow, just great. So I dragged myself home and did nothing much, just laze about on the couch hoping against all hope that I wouldn't get sick.... Wednesday, June 25th To no avail. I have a full blown cold, rough throat, runny nose, cough...the entire broadside. I was at work today but I just got worse and worse, and when I came home I went straight to bed. Thursday, June 26th Still sick, so much that I didn't even bother to go to work today and got up some time in the afternoon. It's so awful how you have no energy for anything except sitting there and staring ahead, but you *want* to do so many things. Since my leather tooling stuff arrived, I did a bit of work on the belt purse, but I kept sweating so much I couldn't finish it. On another note.... My tumblr turned 1 today! :-)

That's right, I've been pestering you for a year now^^ 443 pages of nonsense... For the occasion, I looked up my first shy little post as well as the firstever fic I posted in the Hobbit fandom and some of the first prompts I filled: - Durincest - Durincest mermaid AU - Aidean - Aidean I'm not too proud of these because I think my writing was still a bit wobbly back then (I had taken a break from fanfic for nearly 10 years), but I do adore the Durincest ones. I might not post much Fili/Kili anymore, but they are still dear to my heart. In this year on tumblr I have made so many new experiences like never before in my life (or at least not for a very long time). I've met people, I've seen people come and go or change interests; I've seen some disappear and others rise like a star. I've meddled into things that weren't my business when I was still tumblr dumb and had no idea what was going on; I've certainly upset a few people (unintentionally, I might add, and take this post to apologize. I guess you know who you are. I'm sorry.) But once and foremost I've met some of the most amazing human beings I've ever had the honour to talk to, and I can honestly say I made some true friends on here, not just some vague internet acquaintances. Every single one of those people, I know I could call in the middle of the freaking night (or day, depending on what side of the world they're on^^) and they'd be ready to help me; and I hope they know that I'll readily do the same for them. Some have given me advice, some have saved me from doing something stupid, some I spent entire nights with laughing and joking, some never fail to make me smile. All of them are part of the biggest pyjama party I've ever been invited to. Thank you :-)

Friday, June 27th I felt a bit better today, so first thing I did was taking care of the herbal water I had made after a recipe vickymaus told me the other night:

I then made a design for the pendant one of my giveaway winners had requested:

I was invited to a party for tomorrow, but since I'm not feeling up to it yet, I cancelled - much to my own regret, but it would have involved staying overnight outside, and I just didn't feel like I could do that. Saturday, June 28th I felt well enough to go to another garden festival today. This is a hugely popular thing here, so when I talk about garden festival, it's like this kind of open air faire where you can buy plants and garden related things, but also jewelry and clothes and food. So, while on the highway I noticed my car was making strange noises, and once in city traffic I couldn't put in the gears anymore and it just acted weird in several different places. I barely managed to get it to the parking lot where I left it, hoping it'd magically recover. The faire itself was nice. Some impressions:

I treated myself to this handbag:

I left after 3 hours when a rain storm gathered, and once back at the parking space, I couldn't move the car from the spot. So I called breakdown services, had to wait another two hours in the car for them to arrive, and then they towed my poor car away :-( I'll get it delivered to my local garage on Monday and they'll see what they can do - if they can do anything - if they can't, it means I will have to look for a new car which I can't really afford :-( Keep your fingers crossed, please. Sunday, June 29th And finally, today I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. I got up at two or what and lazed about; it was raining anyway so nothing really important to do. I wrote the sleepy Sunday thingie after getting some inspiration in bed earlier; cuddled with my kitty, did my nails, cooked a bit of something/anything and then I wrangled my printer for a bit and printed a few of the recent Britchell drawings (I have a journal where I put my favourite art from you guys; no worries it's a private thing and no one will ever see it nor will I sell any prints or what; I hope that is okay and doesn't count as art theft :-/ I'm gonna purchase prints from my most favourite pieces, but I can only afford a few of them at a time. I also put little story snippets in the journal and draw silly little doodles in it and stuff, it's like a tumblr turned paper). After chatting to some lovely friends I originally planned to go to sleep an hour or so ago, but finding that I couldn't I'm typing up this diary ^_^ I'll shut up now, and thanks for reading/listening :-)