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worstloki · 4 years ago

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Top Forty Thor-Being-Thor Moments from Thor 1

just absolute dumb*ssery that this 7yr old kid’s life goal is to “hunt down the monsters and slay them all”. I’ll go easy on him here and let the Thor/Loki expressions do the talking because of “...just like you did Father” but seriously can his hands even fit around a sword handle??? this kid isn’t even punching the air right??? if there was a sword in his hand he would’ve cut his head with the way he’s moving???? pure tiny-himbo energy here just look at that >:o face he’s making. contrasts very nicely with Loki’s ‘,:|. 10/10. such a baby idiot.

“the jotuns must pay for what they have done! they broke into the weapons vault! if the frost giants had stolen even one of these relics!” thor. thor please. can you even name one of these relics. thor. hey thor. thor. shut up. “well, what would you do about this?” odin asks him. “march into jotunheim! like you once did! break their spirits! so they’ll never try anything like this again!” wow okay so we’ve fast-forwarded by like a thousand years and thor is still going on about genocide. huh. that’s funny, i thought loki was the genocidal one. hmm. i also just realized that the loki exclusive clip gives loki the same hairstyle thor has here so do what you will with that information.

0/10. horrible. terrible. i dont care how angy thor is about not getting to kill some jotuns or become king today this very instant, that is a tremendous waste of food. an absolute fool. how can he just remorselessly throw the bread to the floor. if loki stabbed him when he was 7 he would deserve it for this table flip alone. what a privileged white *ssh*le.

loki came skulking around a corner and suggested not to go to jotunheim and not only did thor not suspect anything but he also then went on to decide to go to jotunheim. 10/10 himbo material.

if tumblr didn’t have a picture limit i would put every instance of thor smiling in this list because look at that stupid smile. he’s such an idiot. 11/10. this is the thor content i’m here for.

“I have no plans to die today” thor says with the stupidest open-mouthed smirking smile ever captured on film. right after he also told heimdall not to tell anyone they’re gone. he’s literally planned to strand them on jotunheim. thor’s grand plan was to strange themselves on jotunheim and also start a fight. i repeat: thor’s plan was to successfully slay all the frost giants and not need to return until they’re all gone. what an absolute d*mb*ss. this is getting ridiculous. this was originally a top-ten-thor moments list but i’m not even twenty minutes in so i’ll have to extend the list. thor. thor are you listening? thor, you’re such an idiot.

“HOW DID YOUR PEOPLE GET INTO ASGARD?!” thor you sweet sweet summer idiot, please, i am beggin,g you,, learn to rea,d , a room,, literally everyone else who came with you is regretting it, there is complete silence and only the rumble of the opposing king is meeting your “I AM THOR, SON OF ODIN”s, please, please take some notes from Loki, or, you know, literally anyone else in the room, since everyone is asking you to get out of this realm while you still can,

thor’s stupid smile makes an appearance after he gets called a princess and decides to fight a whole realm over it. you know what? thor is a princess. he’s the prettiest princess in all the lands. what’s thor gonna do about it? is he going to fight me too? I hope he does the stupid grin first. minus 15 points for the sexism. thor is a complete and utter sadistic fool who needs to get a hobby. seriously, he’s 1500 years old and still going on and on about slaying all the frost giants. boi, i hate to break it to you, but your dad is not the best or only example of greatness out there. i don’t think your dad even qualifies as an example of that.

“THEN. GO!” 🥰 ahh yes, just thor thingz 🥰🥰 like when one friend has had his arm burnt 🥰 and another friend has been impaled and needs medical attention, 🥰🥰 and all the rest of your friends are yelling for you, 🥰 and your brother is telling you they must go, 🥰 and you decide to buy everyone time by laughing maniacally and killing more frosties because you care for them and dont find joy in destruction like a loon 🥰🥰🥰

THIS is the iconic Thor moment that makes my day whenever I think about it. Just Thor, an absolute bumbering 6′6′’ giant boodlusting dummy sees Odin and just decides to yell “FATHAA!! WE’LL FINISH THEM TOGETHAAA!” as if the last thing Odin told him wasn’t “no, thor, we’re not going to do anything to the frost giants, do not go after them and try to kill them all.” 11/10 d*mb*assery right here folks, I couldn’t ask for Thor to be more of a fool. This is PEAK Thor energy. Look at that face. I feel like Thor spends half this movie with his nostrils flared. I love it.

okay i gotta give thor credit for rightfully calling odin “an old man and a fool” but also there was not even 1 frame of the scene where Thor had a decent face so now all i see is >:O >:| >:o >:[ when i watch that scene. yelling at odin was great, not yelling at odin after he HUAERGHed at loki was less great, but to be fair it’s thor and he is the definition of Peak D*mb*ss.

thor literally GROWLS and starts yelling “HAMMAA?? HAMMER??” over and over. He was hit by a van, he fainted, he woke up and started growling. I don’t know what else there is to say about this.

“you dare threaten me? puny human?”. so. uhh. basically. Thor knew she was threatening him? He KNEW she had a weapon? instead he made a face and started yelling as he tried to walk his way closer????? thor you complete and utter dum dum. you frickin hairball-for-brains. im not even surprised darcy tasered him. with that kind of face, i’d taser him too.

when you wake up in an unknown place to a person smiling at you without a stupid smile, the first step is always to attack first and ask questions later 😌😌😌 (but seriously thor you imbecile why didn’t you ask where you were instead of throwing multiple people around the room and getting your butt needled. you clueless buffoon. you’ll remain a clueless buffoon if you don’t listen to anyone.)

just a quick recap but thor was knocked unconscious by a van and these people kidnapped him aboard and the next scene we see him in he’s checking himself out in mirror after presumably changing right there in the open?????? these are the things that make thor thor. any other character and i’d question it so much, but this is thor, and i truly believe this is in-character for him. just change in the open because why not? thor is a beefcake and that’s his only redeeming quality and he knows it. 10/10 thor moment.

I am now convinced that Thor saw Jane and “5k van-hitter to lover slow-burn height-difference himbo-scientist trope” flashed through his mind.

“but no more smashing!” Jane says, and then Thor proceeds to check her out and smile unlike an idiot and like a douche. was this his version of flirting???? i’m not one to decide, but yes, yes it was. He threw a cup to the ground and broke it, and she’s getting mad at him and berating him about it, and he’s liking it. y’all i’m sorry to break it to you like this, but thor has a canon fetish. i am so, so sorry.

im DYING. THAT ISN’T EVEN A KISS, HIS MOUTH IS OPEN. he SMUSHES his mouth around her knuckle???? WHY. I can’t keep noticing things like this. send help. please. Jane’s response makes so much more sense now; she’s laughs for a solid 3 seconds and shakes her head and is like “uhh, thank you? ahaha,” and then she keeps looking back longingly when walking away. they are doing this in PLAIN sight of EVERYONE. Darcy and Erik are standing RIGHT THERE, and Thor is doing weird things to her with his mouth. I’m out. I am done here. goodbye.

return of the stupid smile AND the douche smile in quick succession through the entire trip. their entire dialogue is peppered with innuendo. “I’ve never done anything like this before. have you ever done anything like this before?” “many times, but you are brave to do it.” “I have nothing else to lose.” “ah but you are clever, far more clever than anyone else on this realm.” “realm? rEaLm?” “you think me strange?” “yes” “good strange or bad strange?” “I haven’t decided yet.” I AM DYING OVER THIS. plus, we get Return Of The Himbo with Jane asking after Einstein Rosen bridges and Thor is like “uh, actually, more like a rainbow bridge 😜🤪” i feel so sorry for jane here, didn’t know how much of a d*mb*ss Thor was when signing up for this van-trip and knuckle-sucking 😭😭😭 i also no longer have questions about how the trip that SHOULD HAVE BEEN A HALF-HOUR ONE turned into one that LASTED TILL THE SUN WENT FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE SKY TO SETTING by the time they arrived. I have no questions. please. I don’t want to know what they were doing in that van. please no. don’t make me think about it.

thor’s plan had 3 steps and they were 1. give jane his jacket 2. walk in and get his hammer 3. fly out. that was literally his plan. he had the first “I have a plan. attack.” moment in the MCU. pure concentrated 0-brain-cells energy right here. how can you not stan this king of d*mb*ssery. look at him, flaunting his big boy muscles. he’s about get his hammer and fly out, like he just told jane with a trademark stupid-smile.

crop-top hair-mop thor is my favourite thor. the way the entire fight scene parallels a hamster in a maze only exemplifies the thor vibes for some inexplicable reason.

“you’re big. fought bigger.” + Thor douche-smile + subtext from earlier + rolling around passionately in the mud = not a happy me.

I swear i’m not making up this romantic subtext but it’s barely even subtext. the entire scene leading up to Thor’s attempt at lifting the hammer is actually filmed erotically. I’m not kidding. First there’s a shot where Thor pulls aside a hamster-cage-wall blind which mirrors a shower-curtain, and THEN he walks around the hammer while smiling douche-ly at it, we get a few close-ups to his face which are shot from angles slightly lower than himself, giving him an aire of superiority, plus the music adds to this, he reaches out for the hammer’s handle with a mud-covered arm in the rain, in non-slow-motion slow-motion, and he wraps his arm around it, like, he fully twists his arm, unecessarily sexually, around it as he grabs the hammer. This is not okay. On the plus side, it makes the movie much more entertaining,, on the down side,,.

im not going to call Thor dumb for not knowing he’s not worthy. im not going to. because odin literally whispered the enchantment to mjolnir after he’d thrown thor to midgard. it is very funny watching thor grunt in frustration though. he starts yelling because he couldn’t lift the hammer and just lets himself get caught. like, dude, get a life, go buy a new weapon from the store, seriously. he mourns for the hammer on-screen longer than he does for loki. he also looks like he’s in far more pain here. he becomes catatonic and unresponsive after this, but when loki dies he’s already feasting the same afternoon. 10/10 dum dum thor material. never change thor, never change. (that’s code for please change, thor, please,)

thor trying to establish dominance wherever he goes is the funniest thing because at this point he’s being a complete asgardian *ss about it and it’s reaching points of pettiness never seen before. side note: he is possibly flirting with selvig too. maybe. i’m not saying anything happened, but Thor’s openning lines when bringing him home carried over his shoulder are “he’s fine, not injured at all,” followed with an apology to selvig, and an explanation to jane which consisted only of “we drank, we fought, he made his ancestors proud,” and then he puts the man to bed and before he falls asleep erik says “i still don’t believe you’re the g*d of th*nder, but you ought to be,” so... your choice, i guess...

thor’s got his trademark stupid smile and stupidly takes jane’s life’s work notebook and starts doodling in it about trees. the last time his father told him this story about Yggdrasil was when he was 5 and he clearly hasn’t payed attention to any lesson about anything since and it shows so so much. thank you thor. very insightful knowledge you’re passing on hear. ‘i come from a world where [science and magic] are one and the same,’ ok great, now elaborate on that please. oh, right, you can’t because you’re thor, my bad, 20/10 thor behaviour. he couldn’t even doodle nicely. all his lines are wobbly. epic art fail. i wouldn’t trust him near my sketchbook with a 2B pencil.

THIS is thor’s realization face. in case anyone was interested in what ‘dawning truth’ looked like on him. 😰😪 THIS is the face of a thinker, of a man betrayed by his own beloved brother for unprecedented reasons. look at the nuance in his expression. 😩😩😩 so many emotions, I can’t even count them all 😩💯😪

stupid smile and “do not worry my friends, i have a plan,” he says, “i’ll just try and abuse the fact that Loki’s super selfless and kind and has no self worth to my benefit as i have countless times before which is exactly what he’s rightfully angry about this time,” he doesn’t think to himself because that is NOT the smile of someone who is thinking... like, at all. +10000 points to gryffinthor. the d*mb*ssery really jumps out.

“im sorry bro for whatever i did and whatever you’re blaming me for as an excuse to do this, im sorry bro, but you’re disturbing innocents that i don’t really care about but you’re the one making a scene in front of them so why don’t you admit you won’t kill me and are just having a temper tantrum and we move on? hmm?” and then he proceeds to get slam dunked in the face with a metal arm like yEAAAA BOI that’s what you GET for going up against the SENTIENT LAVA-SPEWING metal-man ya absolute dunderhead clod. thunderhead clod? yeah, that. he’s just so dumb, your honour, please, you must understand, the victim pleads guilty on all charges of d*mb*ss and d*mb*ss alone.

I can NOT describe the emotions I feel knowing that Thor is suck-kissing Jane’s knuckles. Like, his mouth is literally jelly-ing it up against her hand. There is suction there and it shows when he is placing and removing his mouth. I promise that’s what is happening. I’m not any happier than you about this. I regret everything. This is why Loki should be what is focused on and not Thor; Thor’s going around trying to frick frack everything in sight even if it’s just Jane’s hand. He’s maintaining eye contact with Jane while he licks her fingers. Why did I decide to rewatch this movie.

i’m only adding this in as a thor moment because of how desperately and badly they kiss. seriously. 2/10 kiss. im not surprised jane broke up with him. they look like two actual seals fighting over an actual grape. while i’m here i’m going to criticize every fic ever that decided thor is an experienced gentle lover. what were y’all on when watching this movie. thor can and will f*ck literally everything in sight and he won’t even do it well because he is the peakest of peak d*m d*m. look at this man. look at his face. that is the face of an absolute himbo idiot, and it’s the face of an absolute himbo idiot who knows it. he’s been stranded on earth for 2 days, max, and his flirt-count is at 69 people because his name is one letter away from thot. i bet his terrible use of a pen from early means he writes his ‘r’s like ‘t’s and he doesn’t even care. 1000/10 thor moment. doesn’t get much more romance-thor than two individuals smooshing their faces together after some finger sucking. that finger sucking is gonna leave jane simping for years. and that’s true love babey. <3

“I’ll handle my Brother!” Thor says, as if Loki didn’t send a metal-murder-bot that quite virtually killed him less than ten minutes ago asdfhkhsdgsdjf Thor, you horrific himbo you, Loki’s weapon of choice is literally throwing knives he will literally kill you before you enter the room if he’s on his game and wants you dead which he just proved he would do and you’re just gonna???????????? jog on over to him????? Thor??????????? bruH???????????? buddy??????? pal???????? you really wanna go 1v1 the brother you very clearly underestimate and know nothing about????????????????? im loving the confidence, but, no.

Loki: “you literally can’t stop this from here.” Thor, immediately: “i’m going to hit it with the hammer and see if that works” and then it does in fact work later... technically speaking, even if it ends up causing chaos destruction and death and loki falling off the bifrost 😔😔😔 but Big Brain Thor is the Biggest Brained Thor!!! The plan worked!! in a messy-Thor-ish way, but it did!!!

“you can’t kill an entire race!!!!” Thor yells, teeth gritted, as he faces his brother, his coward pacifist brother, who has suddenly decided he wants to join the age-old family tradition of realm-destroying, when this is supposed to be Thor’s dream, Thor’s, not Loki’s. How dare he, Thor thinks to himself, fist clenched around Mjolnir in anger, the pain of the handle pressing against his palm perhaps the only thing preventing him from lashing out at this thought, that’s my planet of monsters to slay, he should go get his own! Loki hits Thor across the face with the back-end of his spear. “Now fight me,” Loki says, but Thor, well, Thor cannot fight, as he remains stunned that of all things Loki would dare steal his life’s ambition, and he is sent sprawling backwards across the observatory, slowly but surely sliding to a stop despite his catatonic, very symbolic silence.

the elegance, the poise, i see your time on earth has made you no less graceful, Thor. the simple magnitude of this sprawl. the spread of the arms. the turn of the feet. this is not a dude, this is a man.

sometimes your brother starts vehemently talking about he’s gonna kill the race of monsters and about how he’s only ever wanted to be your equal and about how he’s not your brother and never was and sometimes you just have to say “this is madness” instead of addressing the issues or asking for any of the deets 🔥 👊💯😩

Loki is whipping Thor’s butt. Both literally, and metaphorically, Loki is whooping Thor’s d*mb*ss. Earlier he knicked Thor’s face, now he’s just pushing Thor around, he uses the spear as a pole and later kicks Thor’s face by kicking vertically up, and Thor, bless him in all his blond golden muscled glory, doesn’t think anything is up with this, gosh he’s such an absolute utter idiot

sometimes your brother laughs way too much and also cries too much in a fight and there are also too many of him so you just need to blast lightning so you get a shot at all of them 😌😌😌 and then put your magical infinitely-heavy hammer on his chest 😌😌😌 but it’s okay because Thor left holes in Loki’s container 😌😌😌

now THIS is the meat to Thor’s funny bone, just the pure unadulterated humour that is Thor saying that there will never be a “wiser king” or a “better father” than Odin, it cracks me up every single time without fail, just the way he says it with a straight face and— what do you mean he wasn’t joking

look at Thor’s stupid smile as he asks Heimdall to spy on jane every single day while conveniently never asking after Loki ever. This is Thor’s face in mourning after he attended a feast after everyone was celebrating after Loki’s death. Look at his stupid smile. I love him your honour. He’s just,, he’s just so frickin stewpeed, just Thor being Thor, just the purest of d*mbest of *sses.

#listen #if people can interpret loki and the grandmaster as a thing when loki spends the entire time looking uncomfortable about every situation #then i can interpret thor as flirting with people when there are actual canon questions which get solved when other explanations dont work #so #dont mind me here #in conclusion: thor is a dum dum idiot and it's *chef's kiss*#thank you for coming to my ted talk #ThisPostIsLongerThanMyLifeSpan #TPILTMLS #Language!#language #im one of those people who comments on things through movies but you can't be mad because it's worth it and i've got points #obviously writing means i can get the full gist of the comments out without summarizing #but #like #my family is simply underappreciative and i'm a genius

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askagamedev · 5 years ago

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Speaking of WoW and raiding in general. What are the real numbers on raiding? What percentage of the player base actually does it and for how long does the average player raid before they burn out? I know I've read before that raiders think more resources should go to raiding because "hardcore players keep the game alive" or some such madness, but clearly MMOs have become more casual over the years.

Raid participation among players really isn’t super significant. Based on the information I’ve gathered on MMOGs currently running and my own experience working on a pretty well-known MMOG, the numbers seem reasonably consistent. Around 20% of all max-level players will engage with raid content at least once. A significantly smaller number (~half that number or less) have actually completed a raid (i.e. defeated the final boss), and an even smaller number than that will actually return to do a raid more than once. For the vast majority of players, raids are something they either do not engage with at all or engage with once to see the story and then don’t bother again - even if we make it really really easy for them to engage with it (e.g. WoW’s raid finder tool, significantly lower the difficulty, etc.).

One of the hardest earned lessons I learned from working on MMOGs is that certain elements of content just aren’t for everyone. Putting more development resources/time into building better quality, more polished, or even more plentiful content of a particular type (like raids) does not result in significantly more players engaging with that type of content, even if we make it super easy for players to engage with it. The biggest result is that making better/more raid content does not really get many more players to raid, it mostly makes the existing raiders a little happier. This general applies to other types of content as well, not just raids - pvp, crafting, mini games, achievement hunting, and so on. It might seem counter-intuitive (it certainly was to me when I started!), but that’s really how it is. This is why content updates are planned to include something for everybody. We want to tick as many checkboxes across the total player base so that everybody has at least one cool new thing to come back and check out the new update.

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#player mentality #casual vs hardcore #MMOG development #Gamer demographics

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tidustargaryen · 5 years ago

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Blood of the Dragon

Sorry the quality is not great on Tumblr. It’s better on Ao3.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22291069/chapters/53236438

Chapter 2 - Daenerys, The Dreamer

Somewhere, at a certain time

"You want our help... ?” Viserys laughed then, but Oberyn didn't seem to be offended by that, he just looked at him, looking for something he was the only one to know. "I am honoured by the trust you have placed in me, but what can I possibly do ? Have you observed our way of life? We are beggars, we have no armies either. Instead, you should turn to the Houses of Westeros who want their true king on the throne. ”

"Unfortunately, there aren't many lords left who support the Mad King's children..."

"How dare you?! My father was your king, you owe him respect. You should blame the traitors who took his life and plunged the kingdom into war. ”

A maid had just brought another jar of Dornish wine before the sensitive conversation between the representatives of the two Westerosi Houses began. After having served a new cup of wine for himself, Oberyn sat down beside the princess on the bed and took her hand in his, he raised it a little higher to inspect the former Queen's ring before answering the prince.

"Oh, but I do, every day, every day I curse the Lannisters for what they did to King's Landing, what they did to my niece and nephew, my dear sister, my sweet and innocent sister, and her innocent children. I curse Robert Baratheon for not asking a punishment for these barbaric murders, he should have taken Tywin Lannister's head on the spot, he should have delivered The Mountain and Amory Lorch to us so that we could do justice ourselves, if only he had been worthy to be king. I curse his reign and that drunken pig with all my soul. "Oberyn let go of Daenerys' hand and stood up, he came very close to Viserys and stared intensely. "But never... never will I be able to respect your father. He was cruel and he was mad. Completely insane..."

Courage was not a quality the prince had, but the anger he had in him was large, even powerful. That anger sometimes drove him to do stupid, dangerous things. His father was a great king, and he will be even greater, but he had to be respected first, he could not let a so-called "partisan" speak such treacherous words. He had quickly got up and grabbed the man by his tunic and dragged him to the other side of the small room.

"I forbid you to talk about my father like that! You are a liar! A liar! You spread the lies of the Usurper, and I'll take your head for it!”

The Dornish Prince had been too surprised to react and had hit the table on which the wine jug had overturned. The man was a great fighter with very good reflexes, the young age, thinness and cowardly temperament of the Targaryen had deceived him. Perhaps he had judged him a little hastily? He could still make him a great king. He would have liked to have found the Targaryens long before, it was easier and more efficient to train a young boy rather than a young man, but his sister had the ideal age, she seemed terrified though, and far too thin to be able to hold a sword or a spear. There was much work to be done to make up for the backwardness of the last two Targaryens in royal education. Oberyn liked challenges, and his thirst for revenge was his main driving force, he had promised his brother a fast return to Dorne, he had to quickly settle the situation with Viserys so that they could all go to Sunspear.

The Dornishman grabbed the prince's hands and pushed him away before readjusting his tunic and seeing the jug on the ground with disappointment.

"You've got balls, I'll give you that. I can also leave you both here. What a pity, the last two Targaryens found dead in a stinking alleyway in Myr, or ended up as slaves in Lys perhaps? Your sister will make a beautiful woman later, she'll surely make a master's fortune in a brothel." The man added coldly.

Viserys knew they were in a very dangerous situation. They were going to have to leave this town and find another, hoping that their name and the prestige of their House would open the doors of a rich merchant or owner of a fighting pit, perhaps a man from the nobility who could provide them with an army, or the money to recruit one. But the worst could also happen, and his House would die with him and his sister, the honour of restoring his dynasty lost forever. The last crown prince of House Targaryen...

He had to tolerate this Dornishman for the good of his House. His reign would be greater than any other Targaryen, even greater than the reign of Aegon the Conqueror, who had the help of three dragons. He would accept his help, as well as Dorne's one, and make him pay for his treacherous words once king.

"Was our father a bad man?" The young princess had risen up and grabbed the bottom of Oberyn's tunic to get his attention. He could tolerate the Dornish's words, but he certainly wouldn't let his sister think such infamy. He grabbed her arm and brought her violently back to the bed with an angry look in his eyes.

"Don't ever say that again! I forbid you to disrespect our father, our king. He has offered you life and a great name, a great House, you will be worthy of him, and you will be worthy of me! Do you hear me, sister?”

Dany had lowered her head during the reprimand and trembled with all her limbs, which made Oberyn angry thinking of the horror, the terror his sister and her children had felt at the wrath of a man. He grabbed his spear from the table and sent it with rage into the wall above the bed, the spear had grazed the prince's hair, which had quickly gone from a violent to a frightened child.

"I will be ready to call you my king, to help you regain your throne, but never, I never want to see this again... My sister was everything to me, her and my daughters, I will do anything for her to be here today. You are lucky to have a sister, your flesh and blood that allows you not to be called the last of your House, it is up to you to be worthy of her and to do what every older brother has to do, protect his little sister.

Viserys then quickly left the room, vexed and surely frightened by the imposing character of the Dornish. As for his sister, she looked at the man with big round eyes and wondered how he could stand up to her brother, their king, or future king, the dragon, as he called himself, and 'never wake the dragon', he said, who would dare stand up to a dragon? Would he take revenge on her next? This man would not always be there to calm his brother, this man did not understand the life they had in those streets, his brother did his best to keep them alive, and if sometimes he was angry, it was not his fault, but that of those who had forced them into exile. She always forgave her brother, he was all she had, the only one who took care of her, since Ser Willem died, without him she would not have been here for a long time, or, in a worse place.

"I'll take you both back to my house in Dorne, it's even hotter than here, the Water Gardens are beautiful, it's my brother's palace, our palace." I want to go home... The man slowly approached and crouched down in front of her. There was something reassuring in his eyes, and even though she had only known him for a short time, she had a terrible urge to cuddle up to him, yet she restrained herself.

Later that day, Oberyn and Daenerys left his room to search for Viserys. It didn't take them long to find him, he was perched on the rock above which he had just replaced their mother's crown. When he came down, he went ashore and put his dry tunic back on him.

"I've met you both before, you know. After the Rebellion, I wanted my revenge, I wanted to attacked King's Landing to avenge my sister and her children, but my brother was more rational, everyone knew the last two Targaryens had fled Dragonstone, and Doran, my brother, asked me to find you." Oberyn's revelations had piqued the curiosity of Viserys, who had approached and listened without a glance at the Dornish. "After spending several days in Braavos, I came across Ser Willem Darry, what a miracle, I had no trouble recognising him. It wasn't easy to gain his trust, but we were able to make a pact. When Viserys grew up, he would marry my niece, Arianne, Princess of Dorne, which would reunite House Martell and House Targaryen on the throne of the Seven Kingdoms, which we would regain thanks to Dorne's army and other partisans, and hopefully for perpetuity. ”

"You could have invented this at any time to gain power on the throne. You've already proved yourself a poor servant to my House with your words against my father."

"There's a witness... do you think i'm a fool ? The Sealord of Braavos witnessed the signing of the pact. I had to leave Essos shortly afterwards, to avoid attracting the attention of Robert's spies. When I came back a few moons later, you were gone, and I heard that Ser Willem was dead. Our whole plan was falling apart, Doran assured me you were dead, it was impossible for you to survive on your own. I didn't want to throw away our last hopes so easily. Luckily I had connections in Essos, people I had met in my youth, I asked them to keep an eye out if one day they saw two children with silver hair and purple eyes. And here I am."

"This pact was made without my consent, without the consent of your king, it has no value. I will not marry Princess Arianne. If I'm to believe what you're telling me, you've always supported House Targaryen, you need House Targaryen, you need our name to rally other armies and take King's Landing. I have much more to offer than you.

"Don't test my patience, boy. I also have reasons to not support House Targaryen and seek revenge for what your brother did to my sister."

Oberyn then told the whole story, everything Viserys didn't know, or didn't want to know. The Mad King in all his cruelty and his passion for the fire, the poor Queen Rhaella, victim of her husband, Rhaegar abandoning his wife and children to flee with the she-wolf. Viserys didn't get angry this time, but he left, claiming he wanted to go to bed. Oberyn had rented a room for the two of them so that they wouldn't spend a night in the street, he accompanied the little Princess who had fallen asleep against him and then went to bed, hoping to reason with this parody of a king, doubting that he was different from his father. The next day, Viserys told him that he still did not wish to marry Arianne, he had already committed himself to marry his sister and advanced the fact that they were the last two Targaryens, they had to rebuild their lineage in the purest possible way. Oberyn had to find something else to negotiate, Doran would never agree to risk any Dornish life without a compensation.

Daenerys liked the fresh sea air, she liked to watch the waves and feel the boat rocking under her. It was a beautiful day, it was very hot, but the wind blowing through her beautiful silver curls cooled her down a lot. Looking out over the sea, she observed the different fishes through the clarity of the water, all kinds of species of unimaginable colours, of a breathtaking beauty that seemed to follow the ship on which she was standing. She wished she could jump into the water and share a walk with the dolphins that had joined the shoal. She felt such a sense of freedom that she had never experienced before, she loved the sea, she loved the wind, she loved the sound of the different birds above her, she loved to sail, she was happy. The big smile on her face had disappeared as she looked up to see a huge pyramid in the distance topped by a winged statue, surprise overwhelmed her as she wondered how she could be close to land when just a moment before there was only the sea in sight.

Her question remained unanswered at the sound of a door being slammed. Dany turned to the origin of the noise and walked towards it, the door in question was very familiar to her. It was the one she had been dreaming about, the one that had closed behind her and her brother forever, exactly the same one. The red door. Her hand was hesitant, but she finally put it on the handle. Inside, everything was dark, but she could hear someone calling out for her, it was a whisper that she couldn't quite understand yet, but she finally recognized her name, "Dany... Dany..." said the male voice.

"Viserys?" Only her brother called her that, the outlines of another door were drawn in front of her. A room, on the bed, a man, her brother... No... Taller, with brown hair. Oberyn? No... Oberyn is slimmer, and taller. Daenerys moved slowly, she didn't want to wake him, not until she knew who he was. She took her dagger out of its sheath and could see the naked man on the bed, but his face was just a shadow she couldn't see. She decided to come even closer, she had to know who this man was, and what he was doing on her ship... My ship...? She didn't have a boat of her own... His ship...? This man seemed to be sleeping deeply, peacefully, she didn't know why, but she felt the desperate urge to put her hand through his curls, to tell him not to worry, that he could still sleep peacefully, she was watching over him. Her eyes followed the hard lines of his muscles and ran through his body slowly when the distant sound of an animal had resonate.

She turned her gaze and saw a different door from the one she had entered through. She took one last look at the stranger before disappearing. She returned on the deck of the boat, but something was different. The weather had darkened, the wind seemed angry and a storm was threatening to fall on her. The waves were shaking the boat violently and it was hard for her to stand. She had been on the ground several times before she reached the railing where she could hold on as the waves became more powerful when the first thunderclap sounded.

A thud from the water made Daenerys tremble and she didn't have to wait long to find out the origin of the awful sound she had just heard. Huge tentacles sprung up from under the sea and clung to the ship. Daenerys knew the fantasy tales of the sailors she had met in her short life, and the giant Krakens were among them, but they were only legends, the ramblings of people who had fallen asleep too long on the bottle. The princess prepared to end up at the bottom of the sea, drowned, or devoured by this foul beast, but as the ship left the surface, when she opened her eyes again, she was not under the sea, but still in a sea, but this time, a sea of grass higher than she was. Large translucent stems seemed to have neither beginning nor end, Daenerys could hardly see the sky and seemed to have been swallowed by her surroundings. However, it was still dark outside, the wind had died down, but she was now on solid ground. She did not know how or why she had come here, but she was determined to finding the way out.

She seemed to have been walking for hours when she finally saw something other than grass far in front of her. She quickened her pace, but something grabbed her leg, and then the other, her arms were the next to be hindered. The grass was trying to hold her back and Dany was struggling with all her strength to free herself. After one last effort, she fell to the ground, finally free, but when she lifted her head up, strange black buildings were in front of her. The material was strange and when she approached to touch it, something else caught her attention. She was in a city, but seemed totally deserted, not a sound, the place was strange and dull, as if dead, there was a smell of burning, but nothing seemed to be on fire, no smoke anywhere, nothing but the houses and what seemed to be a market at the end of the street. The place seemed huge, Daenerys was walking aimlessly through the alleys when at last she crossed someone else's path. Wrapped in an outfit that showed no skin, the face hidden behind a strange mask, the stranger looked at the young woman for a few moments before turning around and taking the adjacent street. Dany started running to catch up with the stranger when she found herself in front of the entrance to a cave, she entered and was now in a total darkness.

The same animal scream she had heard on the boat alerted her ears again, it increasing in volume as she got closer, it was very dark, too dark for her to discern anything. She was moving slowly to avoid a possible collision when two red eyes opened up in front of her and looked at her menacingly. The sound of a frightening breath had invaded the place, the smell of smoke and ashes too, the mouth of the beast had opened and a red light was appearing, increasing in volume little by little... It was only when Dany knew what animal it was that the fire had fallen on her, surrounding her, licking her skin and warming her body and soul in an instant. She thought her skin would melt, that only her bones would remain once the fire was out, and yet she felt no pain, but pleasure and enchantment. The fire was like a husband making love to her and creating life in her, was there a better feeling in the world?

The fire called to her, asked her to open her eyes and see, and she saw. She saw a great army that the fire drew before her, it then turned into thousands of horses galloping towards her and disappearing to take on a human form that looked neither like a man nor a woman. The form slowly drew closer and when it was near her, Daenerys felt an icy cold invade her, despite the fire surrounding her, the heat had completely disappeared. Dany hugged herself with her arms, hoping to get warm, when the hand of this thing came close to her, she closed her eyes hoping that the fire would change shape again and she would feel the warmth again.

But when she opened her eyes, the fire had disappeared, the strange shape had gone, the cold was still there, but much more bearable. She was now in a large room, the elements surrounding her were luxurious, huge pillars decorated with dragons populated this room, Daenerys touched the familiar shapes with her fingertips before she saw a huge throne at the back of the room surmounted by the emblem of a lion, Lannister. She had heard of this throne, forged by Balerion the Black Dread from the swords of the vanquished enemies of Aegon the Conqueror. It was huge, a symbol of her House, of the Targaryen dynasty, the Iron Throne, I'm home... But the throne is held by the Baratheon... To her, it was a horrible thing... She saw her brother sitting at the top, she could imagine the proud look he would have at that moment, but it wasn't her, it wasn't for her. The one at the top dominated everyone, he had considerable power, he could do what he wanted, impose his will, his authority, his cruelty. Like her father in his time...

It was a terrifying laugh that she heard followed by words that she distinguished perfectly "Burn them all! Burn them all!!!" His words echoed through the huge room and cooled her down even more than the strange shape she had just encountered. She was afraid to turn her eyes to the throne, afraid of what she would see there, but when she looked for her father, there was nothing. It was then that the ground shook beneath her feet, explosions coming from the city, when she approached the opening to what must have been King's Landing, she saw huge green flames devouring every dwelling, people screaming and trying to flee into the streets, but nothing could save them. The flames approached the dungeon and soon it was she who was overwhelmed by the flames, but this time she burned.

The pain had been terrible, and the temperature change even worse. The shock of the cold seized her again, and she woke up surrounded by white. What she touched was very cold, and she had never felt snow, but it was snow, she knew it. She got up and walked a few steps forward before discovering a magnificent view in front of her. The little nightgown she had did not protect her from the cold, but the view in front of her certainly warmed her up. The sun was slowly setting over a huge forest of trees that she had never seen before. When she looked down, she saw the huge wall of ice under her feet, it was so high, so imposing, so terrifying. She knew where she was, her brother had described the regions of Westeros to her, and The Wall was one of the worst places in this continent. Here lived the rapists, thieves and murderers who were supposed to protect the kingdom against the Wildlings, but thousands of years ago, he had told her the crazy story of vile creatures, ice monsters that had attacked men. Monsters north of the Wall, monsters that terrified her when Viserys told her this before she went to sleep. The place seemed totally deserted and too beautiful to be inhabited by such monsters. Once again, she saw the same stranger she had followed into the cave when she was in that dark and strange city, he looked towards her and then disappeared among the hundreds of trees.

After descending the many steps, Daenerys went through a long tunnel and passed under the raised gate to get behind the Wall. The forest seemed to have receded even further and the snow under the young woman's bare feet was a real torture. She walked relentlessly and aimlessly now, a thick fog had descended on her and the trees had now disappeared. The cold intensified and the rustle in her ears disoriented her and she found herself kneeling in the snow, curled up on herself, hoping that when she opened her eyes again she would be in a different place, but this time she had not changed her place. The storm had receded a little, but that wasn't going to help Daenerys, a wolf was in front of her, he was huge, and she was sure it could swallow her whole. She took a few steps back while keeping her eyes on the wolf, but soon she realized that other wolves had surrounded her, they were slowly approaching her and had started to growl. The fire seemed a much better way to die, she hoped they would rush to devour her, but once again the storm returned and the wolves were gone. She heard strange sounds, words, it did not sound like any other language she knew, voices belonging to the shadows appearing in the middle of the fog in front of her. They seemed to communicate with each other and the closer they got, the colder she felt.

A giant paw crossed the fog to come and stand between two white shadows, the creature in front of her was terrifying, immense and overcome by another that looked much more like a man. But a man who had already known death. Pieces of skin hung from him, some parts of his body were missing, but what frightened her much more were the two bright blue orbs that looked at her. He seemed to be wearing a strange white armour too, like the skin it covered, he brandished a translucent sword which he raised in the air while speaking and other shadows appeared. Thousands all around her slowly appeared and took the shape of the one climbing on the immense spider. Some were riding simple horses, but just as dead as they were, others were on bears, giant wolves, or even enormous mammoths which she had once studied in one of Mistress Ilissa's books. The dead men was now moving quickly towards her and the stranger reappeared behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. The intense heat she felt on contact reassured her and when she turned around, she saw two red eyes looking at her through the mask, a female voice resounded.

"The fire is your gift, Stormborn, embrace it. ”

Daenerys awoke in her bed, breathing rapidly and her skin covered with a film of sweat. In front of her, a female form that she could hardly distinguish, the fog of sleep still upon her, but very soon she saw a silver hair slipped along a chest covered with a scarlet red dress, the woman stood with a certain posture, a royale posture, and had joined her two hands in front of her while observing the princess on her bed. A smile appeared on her lips as Dany could see her features more easily. Is it me... older ? The woman now stepped to the side of the bed and settled down before taking her hand in hers.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you, my darling, to protect both of you. But I'm so proud to see this incredible woman you've become. ”

Daenerys looked at this woman with astonishment, she was still dreaming, it was only a dream and when she woke up she would be alone in her room. Was it a gift or a simple torture?

"Mother...? I'm asleep, you're not real." The former Queen didn't seem to be hurt by her daughter's reply, she just put a hand on the cheek of her young princess. "I won't be only if you wish it. Does that change anything?

"Yes... of course, I will wake up and you will no longer be here, I will be alone with Viserys again. And I won't even be able to tell him I saw you, he'll never believe me, he's always blamed me and he was right, it's my fault you're dead." "Never think that you are responsible for my death, never feel guilty about things you have no control over, never forget these words. As for me, I would sacrifice myself a thousand times if I had to so that you could live, you are my child, my flesh and blood. You are not alone my dear, you will never be alone and I am not worried about you at all. I know the best is yet to come. I regret the past, and what drove both of you into exile, maybe I could have changed things. But your future is wonderful. You just have to trust yourself. ” "My future? What about Viserys? He will be king and I will be his queen. "What is written on paper fades, what is in blood and in heart endures."

Her mother's smile had not faded, but the enigmatic answer worried Daenerys, but for the moment, her mother was with her, and she was going to take advantage of it. She couldn't resist the urge to hold her tightly, hoping to keep her and take her out of the world of dreams, but if she had learned one thing since birth, it was that life had given her no gift. Her mother got up and returned to her original place, there was so much love in her eyes that Dany's tears kept flowing ever since she had hugged her for the first time in her life. She wished this moment would never end, no matter Westeros, no matter Oberyn and his plan, Viserys and his throne, in that moment, all she wanted was to be with her mother, to get to know her, to laugh with her, to share tender moments together, to be mother and daughter, no more Targaryen, no more dynasty, no more duty.

She did not have time to see her mother after reopening her eyes that she had already disappeared and in her place was the stranger she had pursued in her dream.

"Stormborn... Daughter of Dragons... Daughter of Fire… Bringer of the Dawn..." A woman... The voice that rose from behind the mask was undeniably a woman's one, dressed in a red coat and hood, hiding her hair with it, not revealing any part of her body, not a hint of skin, she was content to look at Daenerys, her eyes still red was the only part she could see. "Don't forget your gift, don't forget who you are. ”

When Daenerys woke up, for real this time, she was indeed alone. This dream had completely disturbed her and added to her confusion, she felt two other completely opposite feelings. She was so happy to have been able to see her mother, to have been able to feel her body against her, to have had the chance to hear her voice, to be able to appreciate the warm and loving words she had said to her and to feel them as she looked into her mother's eyes. Nothing could be more wonderful than that, but it was only a dream, and now she was alone. Would she ever see her again? She hadn't even thought to ask her if Rhaegar was with her, if he was proud of his brother and sister, she had had so little time, and so many questions. Outside, the sky was dark, the city peaceful, Daenerys went out on her balcony to put her thoughts in order. The nights were cold despite the hot days, but the air was pleasant. Her dream seemed so unrealistic and at the same time intended to make her understand something, but who was this woman? And what was she referring to with her strange words? She had to tell her brother about it, perhaps he also had the same dreams, he was the Targaryen heir, he must have had a visit from this woman if this dream meant something.

Daenerys woke up a little later than usual, her night had been very agitated and she was still disturbed by her dream. She put on her favourite trousers, the ones her brother hated, claiming that they were not worthy of a future queen, but she didn't care, she was comfortable, and the dress was more fit for fighting, the tunic too. Now that Oberyn had returned, perhaps he wanted to practice, or rather, test her. He was very strict in his education, he never spared her, and it was a source of pride for Daenerys to have stood up to the lessons of this warrior she admired so much. The spear he had given her laid along her bed, ready to be taken, the day he gave it to her, Viserys disappeared for several hours, Oberyn had never hidden his preference for the girl, he was much harder on her when it came to education, but it was to her that he spoke for hours, it was with her that he would go on horseback for long rides along the Rhoyne. Viserys had never sought to socialize with Oberyn, he stuck to the relationship of a king with one of his subjects, but he liked pretty things, he liked to be given things worthy of his rank, but Daenerys' gifts were always more valuable than his own, and Oberyn had no qualms about showing the difference. A little personal revenge for the demands that Viserys had expressed in the Targaryen-Martell alliance.

She went to the terrace, the usual place where they broke their feast together. The Mistress always came to share this moment with them, before going to attend to her personal affairs, only today it was Oberyn who occupied her place. He enjoyed figs and various other fruits that often made up their meal. Daenerys loved them, she loved to eat plenty of them on hot days and when she had trained hard. The smile of her favorite Dornishman glowed when he saw her, she placed a sweet kiss on his cheek before settling down in front of him to start by grabbing a few grapes that she quickly tasted.

"Did my princess sleep well? You seem to be absent this morning. ” "Forgive me, I don't really feel like talking about my night, I'm sure yours was more than satisfactory. "She said with a hint of laughter in her voice. She knew Oberyn, she was the right age, he had told her, so he could tell her that she should enjoy the pleasures of this world. Daenerys always avoided the discussion and preferred not to think of anyone other than her brother. "Why did it take you so long to come back? ”

"I'm sorry, my dear, but I also have daughters to take care of. Your brother refused to train with me, he said he didn't have time for my nonsense and will join us later. I thought the years would give him the wisdom necessary to any good king."

"He's frustrated, it's been eight years now you've had to take us back to Dorne, every day is one day too many for the Usurper on the Targaryen throne." Daenerys cleaned the sweet nectar from her fingers and gave her friend an apologetic look. She was more patient than her brother, but she was also eager to go home.

"You know the reasons, by the way, I've got some news. The Hand of the King is dead, Good King Robert..." he said ironically, "...was on his way up north when I left Dorne, he's going to ask Ned Stark to be his new Hand. From wolves in the lion's den, the honorable Ned Stark will have his tail between his legs once he's in the capital."

Dany went mute, she didn't really know what to think of the Starks. The she-wolf had seduced her brother and kept him away from his family, although she also blamed Rhaegar for this. Ned Stark had participated in the Rebellion, and although her father deserved to be ousted, it had led to their exile, and everything that followed. Could her mother have survived if she had given birth at King's Landing, with the best of care? He had also continued to support the Usurper despite the fact that he had left the deaths of two children, and their mother, unpunished. So Jon Arryn was dead, one less. But the worst were still standing.

"Daenerys, Martell! "Her brother had just arrived with Mistress Ilissa. He seemed angry and their hostess worried. "The Dothraki are here, they've sent a representative. There's also a rich Magister of Pentos who wishes to meet the Targaryens," Ilissa said in her sweet voice." "Thank you, Madam. But how did they know about us? ” "We'll soon find out, bring the representative of the Dothraki first, we shouldn't offend the horse fuckers. "Added Viserys to one of the maids.

Daenerys knew little of these people, but was it possible they... No... better not to know.

They went to the main room to greet the visitor, the man who entered was of advanced age, but not old, he was simply dressed, without armor, and seemed to be distressed by the heat. To her surprise, but to Viserys' delight, the man knelt down and raised his head, lingering for a few moments on the young princess before turning to her brother.

"It's an honor to meet the last Targaryens, the heir to the Iron Throne and you, Princess Daenerys. I am Jorah Mormont, I was a knight in the Seven Kingdoms, i was also forced into exile, though for different reasons. ”

"You only have a few seconds to explain yourself before I take your head for treason. You took part in the Usurper Rebellion that brought down my House. ”

"I obeyed my father's orders, but I will submit to my king's justice if it suits him so. The great Khal Drogo wishes to meet the princess, he wishes to marry her, to make her his Khaleesi. In exchange, he will help you win back the Iron Throne. Ten thousand proud warriors who will destroy your enemies on the battlefield."

Daenerys was surprised by his answer. A man wished to marry her without ever having met her. Her brother had described them as savages, but what would they do to this town, and to them, if she refused?

"Ten thousand, is that my sister's price? Is this the few men he has in his army ?" "A horde, Your Grace, and no, I think it would be a great insult to think that your sister has a price. We can begin negotiations if it pleases you, the horde consists of forty thousand men." "And what will he do if I deny him my sister? Will he leave and return to his sea of grass? How did he find out about us?" "When a Khal dies, his wife joins the Dosh Khaleen, the sacred temple of the Dothraki, the priestesses who make up the temple advise and read omens to the Khals. It was foretold to Khal Drogo that he would marry the silver-haired Targaryen and from their union will be born the stallion who mounts the world." Oberyn had just entered the room and the knight cast a strange glance, had he recognized him? Anyway, he wasn't in Westeros anymore, it wasn’t dangerous for them.

After Mistress Illissa intervened to invite the Khal the next day, the Targaryens were alone to discuss and figure out what they were going to do. If the Dothraki believed so strongly in their prophecy, they would not be content with a simple refusal.

"You can marry him instead of me? he said 'a silver-haired Targaryen...' without specifying which one..." Viserys turned to his sister with an angry look in his eyes, but she sketched a sly smile in response. "Very funny dear sister, will your jokes be enough for the Khal tomorrow? I have no intention of agreeing to this marriage. The dragon does not mix with the stinking horse." Dany took his hand in hers. "Let's talk it over with Oberyn, I'll go get him."

"No need, I'm here, look what I found..." Next to Oberyn stood a woman, all dressed in red, hooded and mysterious. She was very beautiful, she took off her hood and let out her long brown hair, her eyes had immediately fallen on the princess, as if she was the only one in the room. "You have found me only because I have allowed you, I wish to meet you." Oberyn stopped her from making her way to Dany. "Don't listen to her, she's a priestess of R'hllor. You'll probably end up in a pile of ashes if you trust her, they like to burn a lot of stuff." "Children of the fire don't burn... I can help you with your Dothraki problem. They fear my magic." Her eyes never turned away from the princess as she spoke, there was something strangely familiar about her. Viserys was astonishingly in agreement with Oberyn when it came to the priestess, he wanted her to leave just as badly. They still had a guest to meet, another person who knew who they were. When Oberyn was about to take her out, she added one more thing.

"Don't forget your gift." The sentence froze Dany's blood and she verbally arrested his friend. She came closer and saw a red glow in the woman's eyes. Was she the stranger who had appeared in her dream? The risk was great, but her mother had asked her to trust herself, and everything in her told her to listen to this woman.

"Your new guest is here, the Magister from Pentos." Ilissa Naeraar came from the entrance accompanied by several maids carrying trays filled with various foods and drinks. She then saw Oberyn disappear with the priestess and hoped that he would trust her and would not throw her out. The trays were placed in the next room, while a healthy man entered. He had a radiant smile, a large beard splitting in two which he had tied at the ends. Behind him, several servants entered one by one with chests of all sizes, which they placed at her brother's feet. They had also placed food in the dining room. Viserys was delighted by this, but Daenerys had a suspicious look in her eyes, why did a stranger offer them so much?

"The great Viserys Targaryen and his beautiful sister Daenerys, let me introduce myself. Illyrio Mopatis, a great merchant living in Pentos, it is a real pleasure to meet you. I've been looking for you for so long." He barely got down on one knee and found it even harder to get up again. Then he leaned over to her and took her hand and kissed it. "I would like to offer you my help in regaining your throne, but first I would like to offer you the delicious food I have brought back from the Summer Isles, among others. “

The tables were covered with food testifying to the Magister's wealth, Mistress Ilissa had allowed the servants to eat at a table with them which seemed to displease their guest who treated his own as if they were his slaves. They weren't been allowed to participate in the feast despite the hostess's invitation. There were many spicy and fruity wines and Oberyn would surely regret not being there, but it was better that he kept a low profile. The merchant specialized in spices and had brought several dishes cooked with them. In front of her were several fish, eels in jelly, a very popular dish in Pentos, cockles, clams and pickled herring. She spotted pike poached in almond milk, which she particularly liked, she didn't wait for the help of her servants to get a plate of it and instead asked them to go and sit down and enjoy the meal as well. There was also wild pork, which was eaten very little in Essos, except in Braavos and Pentos. There were many specialties from the town of the Magister, such as duck liver cooked in wine or capon cooked with carrots, citrus fruits and grapes. At one time Daenerys would have dreamed of such a table, but their hostess was very generous and at that time it seemed more like they were trying to buy her and her brother with rare and expensive spices and alcohol. Visery seemed to enjoy the gifts and to gobble up all the food he could get his hands on. They had also served warm goat cheese with braised apples spiced with cinnamon from Westeros for dessert, but Daenerys preferred blueberries topped with fresh cream before ending her meal.

The Magister followed her brother's example and tasted all the dishes on their table. He was much less refined at the table than usual and Dany had to look away and imagine that he wasn't sitting right next to her in order to keep her food warm in her stomach. After finishing the last crumb on his plate, the Magister clapped his hands and the main door opened on to some servants, four of them carrying a strange trunk. Those who accompanied them were clearing their table so that they could put the trunk on it. It looked rather heavy and the young men had a little more trouble lifting it up to put it down in front of Daenerys.

"Let me offer you, princess, the relics of your House. Three beautiful dragon eggs from Asshaï, the dark city where it is said the first dragons came from." A servant opened the trunk in which the three so-called eggs were lying on beautiful Pentoshi tissues. "Time has turned them to stone, but they have not lost any of their splendor. "Dany was completely overwhelmed by what she had before her eyes, Viserys must have been too, her brother had never been so silent before such a gift, which had not been given to him otherwise. The eggs seemed to be covered with precious stones, but when she lifted the first one, she noticed not only its heaviness, but also the various scales that made it up, which shone like rare gems in the light of the day. The one in her hands was cream-coloured with golden reflections, the one in the center was deep black with red reflections, and the last one was dark green with bronze reflections. Her fingers came to touch the scales of the black one, which she then lifted. It was beautiful, like the other two, and they must have cost a fortune, what was she going to have to give this man in exchange? Then she looked up at the Magister and asked him why he was giving her such precious things.

"They belong to your family, they are also a wedding gift. Your marriage to Khal Drogo will help restore your family on the Iron Throne. I beg you to accept his request, so that you can take back what belongs to you."

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Some details on the story and this chapter:

- Daenerys is only 8 years old in the flashbacks in this chapter, it is completely normal for her to be submissive and silly towards her brother. - During the flashbacks, I mix all the POVs, but in the present, these are Dany's POVs only, for the moment. - I use the elements of the books for this story, more magic and fantasy so. Even if I use the actors of the show to make the moodboard, I imagine the characters as in the books, except Oberyn, Yara and Cersei, I have a lot of love for the actors and their interpretations. But you are free to imagine the characters as you wish. - I don't remember if I said it, but the events that are described in the books, or the show, will surely not happen in this story, I don't want to repeat the story of GRRM, so for example, Ned Stark always comes to KL but everything will change afterwards.

#daenerys targaryen #daenerys targaryen fanfiction #dany fanfic #dany-centric #blood of the dragon #second chapter #daenerys the dreamer #my fanfiction

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daily-rayless · 5 years ago

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20 Years of Art

2000

(OC / Celes from Final Fantasy 6 / OC / OC)

The influence of Final Fantasy 6, off of the Anthology collection, and Yoshitaka Amano caused a significant shift in my art, leading my human figures to be very slender, graceful, and frequently pale. Most of it was of women, some of it was of horses, and by then I was very self-consciously starting to draw men. I mostly worked in pencils and colored pencils. Faces were oval with high hairlines and long, sharp, narrow noses. Also note my evident fear of mouth-seams and lower eyelids. I was pretty terrible at coloring, often feeling that coloring one of my sketches ruined all the nice linework.

2001

(Quistis from Final Fantasy 8 / Rosa from Final Fantasy 4? / Schala from Chrono Trigger / Dark Knight OC from Final Fantasy 4)

This is where more anime influences came in, and I consciously took on a semi-anime, semi-realistic (in my own mind) style. My ideal of beauty was overbig eyes, overlong nose, and oversmall mouth, and I stuck to it pretty relentlessly. Trying to figure out shadows and face structure. Still bad at coloring. I was incredibly proud of that charcoal picture. Was also going through my mandatory Dark 'n Edgy phase, with a big helping of Phantom of the Opera, Sarah Brightman, and my attempts at designing supercool clothes, many of which I wouldn't have actually worn, even given the opportunity.

2002

(Me trying to recreate “Flaming June” / OC, who incidentally looks almost exactly like Sarah Brightman and whose diadem was bodily lifted from a Jodi Lee painting / angsty symbolic wet chain lady / OC)

Deep in the Dark 'n Edgy. Faces are still very heavily made-up, with big lashes, defined upper eyelids, and dark lips. Trying very hard to be a good artist though, have high expectations for the future. I was so proud of that final pose and worked so hard on it. Lined paper? So not a problem. Besides, how else am I supposed to draw during class? A sketchbook would've been even more obvious than the incredibly obvious I already was. I'm able to listen while drawing pretty reliably, and I did manage to take detailed notes while doodling, so at least I had that going for me.

2003

(Celes / OC / OC / Hermes-inspired wing lady)

I was focusing (at least some of the time) on backgrounds and trying to make my work detailed and polished. Coloring is still hopeless. Often when I colored, I would go super light, even when I was using dark or intense colors. It would give my pictures a sort of faint, half-assed hazy look. I remember an art teacher urging me to use more color, but I probably resisted because I knew that way lay total destruction. I'm sorry, well-meaning art teacher. You are unversed in the ways of my pencils. I have killed too many sketches to take those kinds of risks.

2004

(Rosa? / Meliara from Crown Duel / willow-dress lady / Geddoe and Queen from Suikoden 3)

See the Meliara picture? That's supposed to be a night scene in a forest. Front-lit by blazing firelight. I was too afraid to make the colors darker. This is dark enough, okay? Anyway, this year, along with being utterly obsessed with Suikoden 3 and Crown Duel, I was letting my art head in a more realistic direction...

2005

(OC / Queen / Queen / part of Zetta and Salome from Makai Kingdom; I remember deliberately copying those swoopy Ss from one of my friends’ handwriting. Wishes ended up being the first longform fanfic I posted online.)

...that really flourished this year. It's not actually realism, but I made a point to give my characters, especially the women, more realistic bodies. Faces are very round in this period, often with soft features. Noses are prominent. I'm also, finally, using more vibrant colors. I probably got my first Prismacolor pencils around this time. I also got some really cheap markers, but had no idea how to use them so mostly stuck to pencils.

2006

(All OCs)

I look back on this as a good year. I was learning better coloring techniques. (Bold colors! Press that pencil down! Okay, I still had much to learn.) I got an Elfwood gallery while the site was doing its slow mosey into oblivion. But that was an important step, not just looking at other people's art online, but putting my own up as well. There were downsides though. I began to feel more insecure – or maybe more realistic? – about my art, on this site with so many highly talented artists. Still, 2006 is a good year. It was a lot of fun, and I learned a lot.

2007

(vampire and hunter / Fleur from Harry Potter / OC / Avril from Wild Arms 5)

The year of Fleur Delacour. This is when I was writing Kindred. I think it was because I was trying to depict Fleur as distinctly non-human that my art shifted away from that more realistic style. Fleur, and my other figures, became very tall and slender. The anime DNA is still there though. For a long time, I felt the lying-down picture of Fleur was my best work.

2008

(Revya and Gig from Soul Nomad / my attempts at being “abstract” / OC / OC)

This was the year of Soul Nomad and, towards the end, Tales of the Abyss. Unsurprisingly, the anime influences start moving back to the fore. The eyes are becoming larger again, the features a bit more angular and stylized, mouths are shrinking. I'm still desperately trying to figure out markers and wondering why it's so darn hard (I don't try to educate myself, I just flail), but I was proud of that blue OC picture. It made me feel like I was getting somewhere. 2008 is when I started my deviantART gallery, right when everyone else was moving on to Tumblr.

2009

(teacup lady / Persona 4 noir-style comic / Revya / OC)

Then Persona 4 hit. Shigenori Soejima was a huge influence in this period, especially in eyes and faces. Pupils, chins, and jawlines shrink, eyelashes are sparse and stylized, noses are simplified. 2008 and 2009 are about as pure anime as I've ever gotten. Meanwhile, I'm really exited about my dA gallery and trying lots of different combinations of media. I'm super active on dA and FFN at this point, writing Elysion and then a slew of shorter Persona fics.

2010

(Minako from Persona 3: Portable / concept-art-version Minako / lady with dragon ferret thing / other lady with dragon ferret thing)

I'm still drawing with a lot of Soejima influences. Additionally, bodies are becoming even longer, taller, thinner, and bendier. Some of them look absurd to me now. On the other hand, a lot of pictures from this period have a nice elegance to them. I was still using colored pencils a fair bit, but more clumsy markers are showing up. Persona 3: Portable came out, and this is when I was writing Death and Ker.

2011

(mask lady / hat lady / Archaya, Duphaston, and Iryth from Eternal Poison / symbolic autumn lady and her winter baby)

Midway through this year, I hit a breakthrough when I got my first set of Copics – and skin tones, no less. Even though I was still flailing, I was so thrilled with my results. That Eternal Poison picture left me enormously proud, as did the mother and child one. My style hasn't changed all that much, but it's starting to feel less extreme. The focus on big eyes and tiny little mouths remains.

2012

(Elza from Suikoden 2 / Daryl and Setzer from Final Fantasy 6 / Killey and Lorelai from Suikoden 2 / Lyssa, Greek goddess of madness)

This is the year of Elza. Lots of delicate sketches of this lovely scarred lady, and lots of colored pictures too. I've definitely shifted away from pencils towards markers. The Daryl and Setzer one was an attempt to use both, and I was very happy with it. These pictures show their age, but there's still a lot here I like. Mouths are larger too. However, my online activity was starting to lag.

2013

(Rydia from Final Fantasy 4 / Nia from Infinite Space / the prophet and Schala / Argos and Io from Greek mythology)

The mid-2010s weren't entirely great for me, marked with a lot of frustration and discontent. And that definitely carried over to my art, making me feel very disappointed with myself. There was lots of marker work this year. Probably the standout picture is Argos and Io. This is also when I played through all three routes of Fate/Extra, and my art was suddenly full of Hakuno and Emiya.

2014

(Minako / butterfly lady / Marta and Tenebrae from Tales of Symphonia 2 / Elza)

Looking at it now, this was a good year. Lots of nice marker art. The butterfly one was a big step up for me in terms of coloring. The Marta and Tenebrae has a really cool stylized look to it. But I was becoming less enthusiastic about sharing my art with others. I started to post less and less.

2015

(evil Hakuno and Emiya from the Fate series / Mitsuru from Persona 3 / half moon cookie lady / Hakuno)

I barely posted anything this year, though I was still drawing a ton. As far as making strides, this is one of my better years. Coloring will never be my strong suit, but it's a lot more fun, and it looks a lot better. It's almost entirely marker-work at this point. Despite my, er, angst, a lot of people are smiling this year.

2016

(OC / doodle lady / Luna from Roman mythology / hair bow lady)

At this point, it's feeling too recent for me to really see what's changed. I did a fair bit of eraserless work. One problem I still have – and, yes, it involves coloring my pictures – is losing some of the image's personality after I've inked it and erased the initial pencil work. The picture's still there, but not as nuanced as it originally was. The results often feel stiff to me. Doing the first linework in ink, or not inking at all, allows me to keep that sensitive, spontaneous quality. Luna and the bow and doodle ladies were done without erasers. Another thing I did a lot this year was fill backgrounds with busy shapes and colors, which is a trend I’m still following today.

2017

(flapper and dog / Alcyone and Ceyx from Greek mythology / flower hair lady / Kida from Atlantis)

Not a good year. Not that the art is bad, there just isn't a lot of it, and what there is often isn't very finished. I was still mostly dark online, wondering if I should take down my dA gallery. Drawing and knowing I wasn't going to post something took off some of the pressure of my own expectations, but I was still unhappy.

2018

(Altera from the Fate series / Elizabeth Bathory from the Fate series / OC / Aranea from Final Fantasy 15)

This was a really important year for me. I wrote a novel I'm really proud of, and it's done a lot to give me confidence and a sense of creative direction. I also decided that after New Years, I was going to start a Tumblr gallery...just as everyone who was still on the site was jumping off of it. Much of my 2018 work is still sketchy and unfinished, but I also think it's loosening up some. It feels less stiff than the stuff from the middle of the decade.

2019

(Aloy from Horizon Zero Dawn / medievaly lady / Red from Transistor / Red)

The year of Supergiant Games, which led me to focus more on bright saturated colors. It's really hard for me to analyze these objectively. Coloring is better? I worked more on details? I used my metallic gel pens a ton and did shape-cluttered backgrounds? These aren't new things, but I think they paid off okay. I'm more at peace with my level of ability, I've finished more complicated works, and I crawled out of my den and started posting regularly online again. So that's all good. Curious to see what the art looks like in twenty more years.

#art progression #20 years of art #2000-2019 #i'm not tagging all the characters #this is a terribly long post #and shouldn't clutter up too many search results #thank you if you read the whole thing #i apologize for typos #art meme #art summary

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1kook · 6 years ago

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soar

❑ Wong Yukhei x (F) Reader

summary⇢ He’s unsure if your eyes are red from crying or from the weed. The only thing Yukhei’s sure about is the slight pang of guilt in his chest as he watches you quietly cry by yourself, desperate to be held in his arms, so he motions you over to do just that. tags⇢ more drug use, sex-starved reader for some reason, high/drunk sex!!! but like there’s crying idk lol, tiny degradation, too much foreplay for smiting that lasts like 3 seconds wc⇢ 5.1k

PART 2 OF FLY tumblr killed links u guys r gonna have to click onto the master list on my blog to find it lol sorry also no i did not proofread when have i ever

Much to Yukhei’s horror, he quickly learns what type of pothead you are. It only takes a few more sessions for him to finally get a read on your vibe, desperately trying to file it into the back of his thoughts as he becomes distracted by the slowness of his body and the plushness of your lips every time. You get excessively touchy with a little substance in you, lips tracing his jawline, pinning him into your shitty dorm’s twin mattress. (His is one thousand times softer than yours, the cushion springy beneath him, and it’s probably because he’s one of your university’s beloved athletes. His building is nearly a fifteen minute walk from yours, the individual dormitories themselves only a tiny bit bigger, but the overall quality definitely tinged with a high-end feel.) Though you’re normally quite reserved when it comes to initiating any sort of contact with him, you become some sort of sex-starved succubus after a few good puffs.

But that’s not all, Yukhei realizes, because if you don’t get your way, you instantly transform into a sobbing mess of a human, fat crocodile tears rolling over your flushed cheeks as you beg for Yukhei, for his kisses, his fingers, his cock.

Honestly, Yukhei’s not complaining.

He’s not complaining because, really, he thinks both sides of you are new and adorable. He loves hearing your little airy giggles as he kisses up your neck, completely opposite to the overwhelming blanket of shyness that seems to envelope you during sober sex. And maybe hearing you beg for him, chest heaving as you scramble for any sort of contact, inflates his ego and sparks a little sadistic side of him he hadn’t known existed.

He’s not really complaining until he bumps into you at a party one night. He knew you’d been planning to go to the homecoming weekend party held by one of the frat houses, and he’d originally declined the offer to tag along with you. But then Mark had burst into his dorm, and demanded he get dressed right away, tugging random clothing from his closet to throw at Yukhei. He really hadn’t had much of a choice then, and had shot you a text to let you know he was going to be in attendance.

You’d sent a speedy reply back, a stream of smiley emojis and hearts that had him biting his lip to hold back a smile. Of course, Mark had seen his apparently ‘constipated’ expression, and had teased him about his freshman girlfriend, dude she has you so whipped, so it was only right that Yukhei wrestle him into a headlock before they departed the dorms.

Along the way, you’d sent him another text telling him your friends were planning to get you high, to which he’d warned you about taking weed from the frat boys. You’d sweetly replied back that you knew better, and had pawned the weed off Doyoung, which apparently meant it was all good. All this information you spewed off about safe weed and anything other than that comes directly from Yukhei, so he leaves it at that, not bothering to send you another text as he and Mark pull up to the university’s ridiculously large fraternity/sorority village.

As soon as he steps foot across the threshold of the house hosting the party, there’s a cup thrust into his palm, drops of alcohol sloshing over the brim. The house is nothing less than a sauna, bodies packed in every crevice of the building. There’s a DJ set-up in the living room, and one of the chapter brothers nearby supplying the DJ with a collection of his own alcohol to get through the night.

For a while Yukhei forgets about finding you, enveloped by that freshman-like awe of being at a homecoming party, surrounded by filthily grinding couples, eyesight fogged by the overwhelming amounts of smoke, so intense he’s surprised the smoke detectors don’t go off. He gets swept away socializing with his friends, talking and laughing over the kitchen island as Jaehyun pours shots for everyone.

He’s pleasantly buzzed when he bumps into Chittaphon, the shorter man visibly plastered, all hugs and smiles. Chittaphon says something about just seeing you in the dining room playing beer pong a few moments ago, recalling the cute way you’d been clinging to your partner, Taeyong, after every victorious shot the two of you made.

Yukhei bids goodbye to his friends, flashing them grins as he slips out of the kitchen. Unbeknownst to them, he’s struggling to maintain any semblance of normalcy as he storms across the hall towards the dining area, his eyes flashing around the room looking for you. He spots you just how Chittaphon had described you, ditzy over Taeyong as he shoots another flawless shot into a cup across the table. For the most part, Taeyong seems unfazed by your touchiness, more focused on the game than the pretty girl pressed up against him.

Yukhei tries to reign himself in as he quietly strolls around the table, brushing by multiple familiar faces on his beeline towards you. When he finally reaches you, he brushes a hand against your forearm. At first, you pay him no mind, too busy clinging off Taeyong to be bothered with him. But after a particular brush against your lower back, you whirl around, eyes unfocused as you zero in on Yukhei.

Immediately, your face breaks into a smile, and you launch yourself the last few inches into his arms, burying your face into his neck. “Baby, I was waiting for you!” you yell, pressing kiss after kiss to his skin.

While you distract yourself with your own self-declared mission to kiss every inch of Yukhei’s neck, your boyfriend busies himself with acknowledging Taeyong with a curt nod of the head. Taeyong nods back, before silently urging Yukhei to take care of his mess of a girlfriend.

With your attention solely focused on Yukhei, you don’t really realize as he pulls you away from the room, and even away from the house. It’s not until you’re stumbling across the quad that you finally whine for him to stop.

“Yukhei,” you huff, tugging on his wrist to stop him. He turns around, face as neutral as possible, and raises an eyebrow at you’re pouting expression. You step forward, closing the remaining space between the two of you, throwing your arms around his neck as you nuzzle your nose against his. “No hello kiss?” You question, breath fanning across his lips and chin.

For a moment, he indulges you, sliding his large palms around your waist until they're firmly pressed into the small of your back, right above the curve of your ass. You giggle and tip toe until your lips barely brush, languidly moving against each other. It’s a slow kiss, your mouth slowly molding itself against his as he lets you lead. When you pull away, you huff against his cheek, the sound nearly a moan.

He knows there’s security cameras nestled around this part of the campus, and if he lets you have fun any longer you’d do something that would jeopardize both your positions at this school. So he slots your lips together once more, before he’s back to tugging to across the campus.

You don’t calm down after that, whining for Yukhei’s attention, toying with his hands and his jacket, fingers looping into his belt loop when you throw a hand around his waist. It’s nothing too drastic that Yukhei can’t ignore, and when you finally arrive at his dormitory building, you’ve become bold enough to tug his shirt upwards, only catching a sliver of his toned abdomen before he’d guided you into the staircases. You followed behind him, giggling up a storm as you’d stared at his ass with every step he climbed before you.

When the pair of you finally make it to his single dorm, he makes you sit on the edge of his bed as he ran off to fetch the makeup remover wipes he’d stuffed into his closet at the beginning of the school year, specifically for moments like these.

Right as you go to say something, he cuts you off.

“I'm going to wipe your makeup off, and you’re going to go to sleep.” A clear statement, one you’d normally take seriously had you not been mentally zooming through the fourth dimension. You frown, and he ignores it as he tugs a wipe out of the plastic packet.

He hasn’t even closed in on you before your waterline bursts over with tears, one pitiful sob ripping its way out of your throat. Yukhei sighs, dropping to a crouch in front of you as you cry your way through multiple layers of mascara. “Are you mad at me?” You wail, your lashes sticking together as your fingers fist the hem of the pretty little skirt you’d been wearing.

Yukhei shushes you, setting the moist wipe on his desk before returning his attention to you. His hands brush over your cheeks, collecting the blackened tears that roll across your warm skin on the pad of his thumb. Instinctively, you lean into his touch, and had he not been preoccupied calming you down he’d have beamed at the way you yearned for him. “Baby, calm down,” he says, after a few more moments of your weeping, and by then the sobs have since become muted huffs of breath.

“Honestly,” he says once you’ve calmed down enough, shifting from his tight crouch until he’s seated on the carpeted floor, legs bent in front of him. He sees the sudden move you make towards him, to which he successfully stops by raising a hand at you. He doesn’t miss the dangerous wobble of your bottom lip.

“I am mad at you,” he admits, and has to sit through a few more seconds of your unstable sniffling. He’s unsure if your eyes are red from crying or from the weed. The only thing Yukhei’s sure about is the slight pang of guilt in his chest as he watches you quietly cry by yourself, desperate to be held in his arms, so he motions you over to do just that.

Once you’re seated in his lap, skirt riding up your thighs, he gets to questioning. “Why were you all over Taeyong like that?” He shoots, and watches you struggle to wipe the quickly drying black streaks that trail down your cheeks. You sniffle again, giving a half-assed shrug that only tugs at the irritation that had been swelling inside of him since Chittaphon had first told him of your whereabouts.

“Baby, I want a real answer,” he says, hands trailing up your back until his fingers brush against the tips of your hair, and he wraps one thin piece around his pointer finger, giving it a little tug. You huff, head lolling backwards to follow the motion. Your chest still heaves, though this time Yukhei is distracted by the gentle rise and fall of your breasts, concealed only by the low-cut shirt you wore. “Were you so horny that you needed him?”

A choked sound escapes your lips when Yukhei tugs your hair again, this time tangling his whole fist in the strands as he yanks your head towards him. “N-No,” you shudder, shuffling on his lap again, exposing yourself further as the skirt shifts again.

“Then, tell me,” he reiterates, slowly tilting his head up towards you, squeezing your hip. “What were you doing?”

You blink wet eyes at him, lips red as you attempt to stare him down. When you finally realize he wants an actual answer, your gaze flits away to land on some miscellaneous object in his room. “I don’t know,” you admit, delicately trailing your hands over his arms and onto his shoulders.

He nods, hand untangling itself from your tresses, though he doesn’t miss the way you follow his touch, visibly sagging when he removes both your hands from his shoulders. “Okay,” he solemnly says, leaning against the wall behind him as he watches you fidget on his lap.

He lets a few moments pass, time dragging on until seconds turn into minutes, watching you grow restless before him, squirming on his lap. Finally, you give in, returning your hands to their rightful place on him. “Yukhei,” you murmur, slowly rolling your hips down onto him.

As much as he wishes he could just take you there and then, the bitter jealous of watching you cling to one of his friends burns in the back of his throat, so he schools his expression as you slowly try to lure him in. He watches you guide his hands onto your thighs, patting the tops as if for good measure. He scoffs.

“So you just let anyone touch you now?” He can’t help but spit, and you pause in your ministrations, giving him one slow, confused blink as he rolls his eyes at you. “Ridiculous,” he sighs, shooing you off his lap, before making his way towards the bed.

Maybe it’s that same cruel streak of his that only you seem capable of bringing out that has him glancing back towards your trembling figure, wide eyes staring in shock as he casually brushes you off. He has to purse his lips to hide the grin that wants to consume his face. He tugs his jacket off, tossing it over the back of his desk chair before plopping down on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his palms to stare you down.

“So?” He says, raising his eyebrows at you. You flounder, and the image of you cutely kneeling in front of him, ass accentuated by the skirt you’re wearing, makeup streaking down your face is quite the sight. Your bottom lip wobbles, eyes blinking rapidly as you attempt to hold back the tears that threaten to spill over.

You slowly turn to face him completely, and the sudden shift pushes your skirt upwards, and gives him a flash of what’s hiding beneath. His favorite pair of your pretty pink underwear stares back at him, and he does a double take when he sees the tiny damp spot towards the front. “Yu—”

He groans in faux annoyance, throwing his head back so that you can’t see the smirk that tugs at his lips. When he looks at you again, you’ve taken up the precious deer-in-headlights look. “Why don’t you go whore around with him, ____?”

For a split second, Yukhei’s unsure where such a bold statement had come from. He’d never been so blunt or disrespectful towards you, choosing to treasure you in your most intimate moments. Perhaps it’s the horrible mixture of jealousy and alcohol that has him saying such hurtful comments, but again, he ignores it in favor of watching tears stream down your cheeks.

“N-No,” you sob, shuffling forwards until you’re between his spread legs, sobs racking your entire being as you surge forward to wrap your arms around his waist. “I want you,” you say, though the words become muffled in the material of his shirt.

He gently runs a hand down the back of your head, slowly pulling it back until he’s face to face with your anguished expression, mouth trembling with every half-sob that leaves your lips. “Are you sure about that, baby?”

“Yes!” You cry out, fingers clutching the soft material of his plain shirt, staring up at him with hazy and desperate eyes.

“You seemed awfully okay with Tae,” he murmurs, brushing stray strands of hair out of your face, completely enthralled by the warmth of your skin and the way your lips have become puffy from crying. He watches you furiously shake your head, words tumbling out of your mouth incoherently.

Never had Yukhei thought he’d enjoy toying with you like this, reveling in your brokenhearted expression as you repeatedly told him you only wanted him. He shushes you after a while, stroking his fingers down the side of your face, until he’s gripping your chin.

“You’re mine?” He questions, leaning down to nudge your nose with his, much in the same way you’d done earlier when you’d happily trailed behind him across the campus. You nod, breath slowing down at his close proximity. He smiles then, before slotting his mouth against yours in a slow and languid kiss.

Instantly, your breathing slows down as your attention shifts from producing heartbreaking sobs to kissing Yukhei, mouths slowly molding against each other. His fingers trace against your jawline, tilting your head to the side to deepen the kiss. You sigh, opening your mouth for him before he asks, letting his tongue slip inside.

He pulls away before you get too excited, shushing your little whines of protest as he helps you up off your knees, maneuvering you onto the bed beside you, before he’s covering you with his own body. “You gonna be good for me?” He murmurs, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips.

Your response catches in your throat when he sucks beneath your ear. “Gonna stop being such a slut with my friends?” You nod, spreading your legs until he’s carefully nestled between them, head buried in your neck. He hums, kissing along your neck until he reaches the empty space between your collarbones.

“Please,” you rasp out, throwing your legs over his lower back and pulling him closer to you. His frontside barely brushes against your core, but it’s enough to have you jolting beneath him.

“What is it, baby?” Yukhei murmurs, fingers pulling on your fastened shirt, pushing it up until he can feel the soft cups of your bra. You moan when he pushes the garment upwards, until your breasts bounce out of the other end. Your nipples brush against the rough material of your shirt for a moment, sending a shiver down you spine, before Yukhei pinches them between his experienced fingers. “You want me to touch you?”

You squirm, entire body arching into his hands. “Pretty please,” you whine, fingers threading into his brunette locks. “I need you.”

Yukhei presses a kiss to your collarbone, before tugging your shirt over your head. Immediately, the air’s caress sends goosebumps over your skin, a feeling you ignore in favor of helping Yukhei remove your bra. Once it’s gone, you tug him down for another kiss, desperate to feel his plush lips against yours. “So needy,” Yukhei chuckles when he manages to break away, leaning away to pull his shirt over his head. As he watches, you stretch your hands out for him, cold little fingers trailing up his sides and over his abdomen. “Hm,” he sighs, “I kinda wanna go back to the party right now.”

“No!” You exclaim, legs tightening around him again. His smirk is smothered by the hot press of your mouth again.

“Nah,” he says when your lips part. “You don’t have to come with,” he teases, propped up on his forearms and watching the frantic flutter of your eyes as you rack your thoughts for any excuse for him to stay. So quickly do you eyes fill with tears, and he can’t believe it’s this easy. He pushes himself away, your desperate pleas to stay only fueling his need to taunt you.

“Yukhei,” you weep, grabbing onto his arms to keep him there. Finally, he caves, letting himself fall back over you again and shushing your tiny cries with kisses to your face.

“’m kidding,” he murmurs against your lips, hands trailing down your sides until they’re toying with your skirt’s zipper. Your legs loosen around him, and he tugs it down. “My baby’s a mess,” he coos, slowly tugging the skirt off your legs, hands following it all the way down to your ankles. While there, he helps you tug off your shoes, dropping them on the floor with no real care.

“Open up,” he commands, and you do, spreading your legs wide until he can see just how soaked you’ve left your panties. He presses one teasing finger against the front of your points, tracing it downwards until he feels the beginning of your slit. Consequently, he presses down on your clit, watching the way you writhe beneath his touch. “So wet,” he sighs, tracing little circles over your clit until you’re begging him to do something more.

“Touch me,” you breathe, and the absolutely wrecked look you give him from your spot nestled between his comforter catches him off guard. You were ridiculously sexy on a regular day, Yukhei couldn’t deny that, but the expression you’d just shown him was unlike any other he’d seen in the past two months he’d been with you. For a moment, you’d looked like a goddess beneath him, and Yukhei had made sure to keep that mental snapshot safe and sound inside his mind.

His fingers nudge your underwear to the side, and proceed to faintly trace across your soaked folds, carefully observing your reactions. Your eyes flutter shut, jaw dropping open. “Do you like that?” He murmurs, lips fastened to your jawline, pressing kiss after kiss to your warm skin. A shaky exhale escapes your lips as your hands instinctively curl around his broad shoulders. He flicks your sensitive bud, tingles running over every inch of your body.

“Yes,” you cry, one leg slowly circling his waist to pull him closer until his arm is stiffly sandwiched between your bodies.

Yukhei drops another kiss on your chin, a soft chuckle leaving his lips shortly afterwards. “Baby, I can't touch you like this,” he points out and, to further explain, wiggles his arm around to show you the limited space you’ve trapped him in. Still, you tremble at the movement, tightening your arms around his neck. Slowly, he frees his arm, using it to prop himself above you. He pauses, taking a moment to watch the way you gasp below him, both from pleasure and the aftermath of all the sobbing you’d done earlier.

In his opinion, he thinks you look gorgeous like this. The way your lips tremble, red after being so thoroughly abused by his own mouth sends blood rushing to his cock as he imagines how it’d feel to have you wrapped around him, sobs racking your body and tears streaming down your face. It’s his favorite look on you; the smudged makeup that decorates your under-eyes makes you look similar to the cute panda charm that clung to your backpack strap. Oh, how you adored that charm, frequently calling it the cutest little thing. Now here you were, appearing eerily similar to it, and Yukhei can’t help but think, you’re the cutest little thing.

A quiet whimper alerts him of the neglected beauty beneath him, and he slowly refocuses his attention on you, your swollen eyes, and your dripping folds. “Shh,” he soothes, running his fingers through your hair until he’s pushed it away from your face. He shifts, and his throbbing erection barely brushes against you, eliciting another cry from you. He glances down and sees the mess you’ve created, your precum soaking through your panties. Just as he goes to look away, he catches sight of a little wet spot on his own jeans, and it takes a moment for it to register in his mind.

“You dirty girl,” he teases, unbuttoning his jeans. “You’ve made such a mess tonight, princess,” he sighs, rolling the zip down until his boxers peek through. “You must’ve been thinking about this all night, haven’t you?” He questions, stepping away from the bed momentarily to tug his jeans down, until he’s clad only in his undergarments, mirroring your own state. “Have you been thinking of me all night, baby? Thinking of how easily I was gonna slide into you tonight?” He inquires, settling on the edge of the bed again, hands gently encouraging your legs open before pausing on your knees. You nod, reaching a hand up to toy with your breasts, and he knows you’re doing it on purpose because you know he loves your boobs. “Or did you get this wet thinking about Taeyong?”

Your eyes nearly bulge out of your head, as you become desperate to refute his statement. Had he not been milking you of all your despair, he would’ve broken character and laughed at the way your mood changed so swiftly.

“It’s okay,” he says after watching you flounder and huff for a few moments, eyes nearly welling with tears again (They’d never really stopped, he thought, but had just gone through periods of being considerably less wet than the current moment.), because he was tired of watching his pretty girl cry now, despite the amusement it’d brought him earlier. “No more tears,” he adds, pressing butterfly kisses to your cheeks. “I know you’d never do that,” he assures, and nearly coos at the way you nod at his words, fingers delicately tracing his facial features. “You’re a good girl, baby, aren’t you?”

You nod, eyes fluttering shut at his sudden praise, and Yukhei takes the opportunity to wipe the drying makeup streaks as best as he can. “I’m a good girl,” you repeat, absolutely melting under his touch.

Yukhei surges forward to brush your mouths together, swallowing your little whimpers until your breathing evens out. When he pulls away, he eyes you for a moment, taking in your slightly dazed expression, as he slips a finger down to your core, prodding inside until you’re a moaning, panting mess beneath him. “Bet I could slip right on in,” he hums, enthralled by the curve of your neck as your head falls back into the mattress. He curls his finger, and your legs clamp down around him, a natural reaction to such stimulation. He bites down on his lip. “Can I?” He murmurs, and you don’t answer, hypnotized by the way his single digit explores inside you. “Baby,” he rasps, suddenly desperate for your answer, “can I?”

“Yes,” you sigh, though you sound eight miles away, but he knows your heart is in the moment from the way your body writhes beneath him and your lips seek his own. “Please, Yukhei, I need you,” you whimper, voice hoarse from the night’s prior events.

He doesn't waste a second more, quickly pushing his boxers down his thighs until his dick springs free, and the way you mewl at the sight inflates his ego just the teeniest bit more. He tugs your own underwear off, fingers running over your soft skin as they travel down the length of your legs. Carefully, he aligns himself with your entrance, pushing past the initial tight ring of muscle with no problem at all.

“Fuck,” he groans, hands firmly attached to your hips. You’re trembling beneath him, your chest heaving with the slow breaths you take. “You’re so fucking tight,” he tells you, leaning forward until he has one arm on the mattress below you, the other snaking its way around your thigh to hold you open.

“Move,” you whisper, hands slowly tracing their way around his neck like they were earlier. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, and nods. He begins rolling his hips, his pace painstakingly slow as he lets you adjust.

For a while, he lets you think this is enough, the shallow thrusts of his cock inside of you already extracting the most delicious moans from you. But then he’s reminded of the way you’d so brazenly clung off Taeyong, one of his friends, earlier in the evening; he thinks of the way your hands had fluttered around him until you’d caught sight of Yukhei, and how quick you’d been to quickly cling to him instead.

“Next time,” he huffs, slowly drawing all the way out, reveling in the way your eyes immediately shoot open, desperate to draw him back. He rams into you without much thought, and the way you shift further up the bed from the force only fuels him further, hips snapping at a punishing pace that leaves no room for you to react. “Next time,” Yukhei repeats, hand leaving your thigh to claim its place around your throat. You moan at the sensation. “I won’t be so nice,” he spits, skin slapping yours with each drive of his hips, his cock abusing your pussy walls until you’re trembling, a tight knot building inside you. “Next time I see you acting like a slut, I’m gonna take you home and fuck you like one, princess,” he seethes, fingers tightening around your throat.

You gasp, whimpering with every thrust, which only seem to grow more wild with each passing second. “I’m sorry,” you manage to choke out, slowly running a hand over his that is grasping your throat. “I won’t do it again,” you cry, pressing down on his fingers until he’s tightening his grip on you, and your inhales are coming in shakily. “I won’t be a slut anymore, Yukhei,” you promise, voice cracking as your throat becomes inexplicably dry. You pry his fingers apart until you can slot your own between the empty spaces, and for a moment, his eyes soften at the gesture.

“Good,” he breathes, releasing you only to duck down and lavish your raw skin with kisses, his hand traveling southward to play with your swollen clit. It takes only a few gentle circles for your back to arch off the bed, his name falling from your lips as your orgasm consumes you.

Your newly released pleasure makes the glide into you even smoother, and Yukhei lets you fall limp on the mattress as he chases his own release. His eyes drift down your chest, at the thin sheen of sweat that’s accumulated in the valley between your breasts, and the way your ribs rise and fall, your diaphragm contracting as you struggle for air.

But what makes him finally cum isn’t your lewd body or the sounds you make as he fucks into your sensitive pussy, but the dreamy-eyed look you give him when you’ve recovered, your fingers surging forward to tangle with his own as you give his hand a tight squeeze. “Fuck,” Yukhei spits, giving one last buck of his hips until he’s coating your insides with his hot pleasure, his hips still snapping as he’s caught up in your beauty.

When his body finally settles down and he begins to grow soft inside of you, he draws away, your tiny cries nearly bringing him to full hardness again. He tugs his boxers back up, before sliding off the bed, your calls for him to come back rushing him as he gathers a few tissues and grabs another shirt from his drawer.

He cleans you up gently, nothing like the man who’d folded you in half a mere five minutes ago, pressing kisses along your shoulder as you huff and whine into his soft hair, your legs shaking from oversensitivity. “I got you, baby,” he purrs, tugging his shirt over your head when he’s done, drawing the blankets over you.

Then it’s Yukhei’s turn to bury his nose in your hair, the faint tinges of weed still traced among the strands, a fact he’d almost forgotten until you huff out a soft, “did you really bust a nut from holding hands?”

#smtownnetwork #kpopwonderlandtag #nct lucas #nct lucas smut #nct yukhei #wong yukhei #yukhei smut #lucas smut #nct yukhei smut #huang xuxi #wong lucas #mine #nct smut

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dansnaturepictures · 5 years ago

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24/12/19-Christmas Eve wildlife and landscape pictures in a working day

So despite saying on the 13th it was the last time I was gonna bring my spare bridge camera to work with me this year I brought it with me again today for the morning and a short lunch break as we finished early in the end today. It was because last Wednesday and yesterday I saw a Chiffchaff by the River Itchen on my lunch breaks, a bird I thought I wouldn’t mind getting a picture of again. As I arrived in Winchester just after dawn in truth I was able to take some festive and moody landscape pictures. The first and fifth pictures in this photoset. The fifth you may have seen in a post I did earlier. I looked at it and thought it is very Tumblr like something I would so often see others on here take and post that really inspires me so I felt like doing something I don’t often now and doing a Tumblr post with just one photo as its usually all of or the highlights of pictures I produce on my day that I put together on here with my blog to differentiate from how I upload my photos on Facebook and Twitter.

I got a bit greedy having already photographed some Peregrines in my once monthly visit to Winchester with my bridge camera to try to photograph them on 13th I headed down to St. Thomas Church where I had been seeing them lately to see if any were about. I initially saw the one bird I believe I have been seeing often lately and it was on a lower ledge having a meal. I had seen it do this once before over the last month I have been watching them at St. Thomas Church. Once again this was fascinating behaviour which was exceptional to see. I took the second-fourth pictures in this photoset of it. As it flew up after the feed to a higher ledge I was leaving feeling very lucky and happy that I got to witness this bird again. It felt special. It got even more special just before I left to go to work though as a second Peregrine flew in higher up! I photographed that in the sixth picture in this photoset and both birds far away in the seventh. Today’s Peregrine pictures not the best quality due to the early morning light and the day not really waking up yet. I think over the last year at here and Winchester Cathedral watching Peregrines I only managed to see more than one bird three times when I actually had my bridge camera with me I think. So it was good to finally have two in view and have my camera again.

So it was a mad rush to the river fairly far away from the office on a short lunch break. When I got there though I was thrilled that for a third time the Chiffchaff was in the exact same tree the other side of the river from me I’ve been seeing it in. I spent the next few minutes watching it as it flew to a tree on my side of the river and flitted around delightfully. I managed to get the eighth picture in this photoset of the Chiffchaff again a pretty dark one and it was flitting around so not the best quality but whilst this is a bird I have photographed before in my wild trips I haven’t often or for a while. So its really been a joy to see this lovely little bird on some lunch breaks. Its come into my life at the right time too as I now hope to see one in January and get it as a year tick. Whilst Chiffchaff is a resident bird in the UK these days I believe I’ve only ever got one as a January year tick once you still seem to see them mostly in spring when more are here so it would be quite something. When walking through Eastleigh to get home after finishing early I took the rare chance in afternoon light to photograph the Christmas Tree there the ninth and final picture in this photoset. I am wishing you all a very merry Christmas and fantastic days tomorrow and the other holiday days.

Wildlife Sightings Summary: One of my favourite birds the Peregrine Falcon, Feral Pigeon, Jackdaw, Blackbird, Chiffchaff and I heard Song Thrushes.

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likewaterdotnet · 6 years ago

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randoms: A Known Idiot

You idiot! You’ve done it once again, good fucking job.

(Inner Self rolls eyes)

I saw the truth in the cherry of my joint.

It glowed at me; breathed at me, dared me to oppose it.

Weed will do that.

“Heartbreak” is a terrible name for it.

Hearts don’t “break”. They bend, they dent, they bruise, sure.

But they don’t break.

That’s the magic of it all, the part that makes the asshole in you grin a twisted grin, the part that can appreciate a trap well laid

The magic part is that you will live through it. You will be alive, awake, aware, entirely fucking present through the whole ordeal.

You will think about it, dream about it, daydream about it, write about it, ofc talk about it, masturbate to it, cry/whine/wince about it, on and on, the whole gamut.

Raw deals don’t kill you, they just make you bitter. Or enlightened. Probably bitter.

Hearts, also, drop.

That feeling when you see the girl/boy/they/person you have feelings for in the bar sharing her truths to the boy/girl/they/muthafucka who isn’t you is rather unique.

I’ve never had a ‘heartache’ in my life; I get a feeling like I have to take a shit. I’ve deduced that this is because in times of such peril, my heart drops down to my ass, pushing everything else down with it.

Pure science.

Your eyes, interestingly enough, also become magnets. No matter how badly you’ll try not to look at your them, you will.

You’ll see them happy, you’ll see her laughing, talking, engaging in a way that with you will never be. Simple math.

It’s especially hard to work under these conditions.

I made it through my shift, trying to balance well timed eye line aversion and the goal to not make the scenario too awkward, smiling with the same eyes and chirping,

“Would you care for a Corona?”

then running the fuck away. Being petty is an art.

I freestyled to myself over the muffled beats on the bar’s stereo system, spitting broken bars of jealousy and retribution via capitalism. Issa Rae really has the culture nailed on this point; hip hop can be therapeutic.

When I clocked out I paid her tab on the sly, one last awkward gesture, just for the fuck of it. Male pride-saving; Pathetic, I am fully aware.

I went home and vented; I argued with myself, with her, with myself. I imagined scenarios where “we” talked, and “she” listened, and eventually came around, once she recognized the depth of my “love”.

It’s amazing how You can soothe Yourself by convincing You that You have the upper hand in a conflict that You are solely participating in and are aware of.

Weed was the solution.

My joints are Cuban related; this is not a boast, this is an assessment.

Bogie would be proud to smoke my stogie, is what I’m sayin.

I stoner Flex for a reason; the quality construction of the joint allows me to take better, deeper tokes, and with these, I sink lower into subconsciousness, no shit.

I can relax and assess myself; I can see all the facets clearer than usual and it helps. The democracy of my mind commences the meeting, and we decide the way forward, while deciding what we ought leave behind.

Right now, in this session of the Personal Congress, my Brain is going apeshit.

It has taken the floor and has nearly committed itself to a coup, all the while yelling it’s (lungs? ass?) off, bringing to mind Tommy Lee Jones in that brilliant movie about Daniel Day-Lewis’ personal life.

Congress of Dom Session 892347402

MEETING TRANSCRIPT

BRAIN: My fellow organs, are we actually going to go through this shit, once again? Are you, as responsible organs and loyal patrons of the Republic of Dom, really willing to sit by, once again, as the Heart -a known idiot-

GENERAL CONGRESS: Hear, hear!

HEART: Slander!

BRAIN: Shut up, Heart! It’s a wonder you haven’t seized on yourself; you pump out more flatulence than blood, you lily-livered toy poodle!

(APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER)

BRAIN: Good organs of the body, I beg you all to answer this single question of mine: How much longer? How much longer will to allow the Heart, in his clumsy, impulsive state, to depress the morale of the larger body. Because of the Heart’s rationale, this man lays in bed half days at a time, causing factions from the Hip Guild to the Sisterhood of the Ankle to complain of rusty conditions from lack of movement. My office is being unduly flooded with requests 24/7 to rewind the same idiotic scenarios over and over again, with the expectation that some new conclusion be found! Wake the fuck up, you idiot box! Let it go! The Heart’s grip on reality is like that of a 500 lb suicidal mountain climber; the struggle is already over, let it the fuck go. Besides, this body can not afford to take in anymore depression binges, it’s not in the budget! Let us not forget that diabetes runs in the family...

I can be really hard on myself sometimes.

I float back to Earth like a light leaf. Yeah I get it. Let it go. Got it. Good, thanks.

The connection I needed just wasn’t there, how could I be mad? I saw Titanic at the right age (8) for that shit to have an indelible impression on me. I need affection, lots of it.

I need “Me and My Bitch” irrationality. Biggie declared he was, indeed, so very attracted to his partner, that he’d blow her father. That’s my kind of crazy. The partner, in turn, would scrub his toothbrush in the toilet bowl when she suspected him of cheating. The woman in the center of my eye, this lovely woman, would never do that, even though that’s what I needed.

(Ok, maybe not, but passion is my desire! Don’t fuck with my toothbrush tho)

I inhale, exhale, repeat. In the background, Paul Newman sits next to a headless parking meter, smiling drunkenly up at fate.

Bottom fuckin’ line: I’m 28, how much longer can I waste time on fruitless disappointments I have no right to in the first place?

Grow up and take it to Tumblr.

#writers #essay #read #prose #poetry #love #loss #dating #grand rapids

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cosmosogler · 6 years ago

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hi guys. i decided to stop and read for a while. i finished my drawing goal for the day, but i won’t have the scene ready for tomorrow evening.

i’m about out of posts for the comic.

maybe i’ll try to finish one more panel before bed... i dunno.

umm anyway i got up this morning kinda late, like 9:30, even though i was awake for a long time beforehand. i was doing something on the computer... i don’t remember what it was. my tumblr activity feed is broken again which is really aggravating, since i can’t see if people liked my comic posts recently unless i check the actual posts. makes it feel more quiet. that’s what i need right now. definitely. silence. a flat “0 notes” line.

i considered putting my halloween story into the writing club’s google drive to see if i could get feedback on it, but raul basically said that the only person who leaves comments on others’ work is me.

i tried talking to one of my acquaintances about his story when he said something about it in a discord channel. he was cagey about it, which is fine of course. he left without asking about my project or progress or anything. i got up and brushed my teeth. i realized it was 11 already so i made an early lunch.

lunch made me super ill and exhausted so i went back to bed for an hour. i putted around on the internet for an hour watching a video while refreshing my tumblr and deviantart pages. nothing came up to comment on. i felt bored and irritated so i started doing homework just to have something to, like, interact with and pass the time. i got caught up on my class notes, which is a relief. i would have done some grading but i saw my comic scene sitting on my desk and realized i couldn’t neglect it for yet another day. i made an oven dinner and watched another video in the meantime and ate miserably trying to get my thoughts in order, and then wrote that other post and then got to work. mbmbam cheered me up a little bit. i finished four panels. six and a half left. i could finish that loose half a panel if i gave it another 10 minutes...

eventually i started feeling bland and gunky so i put the sketchbook to the side and read a fanfiction for a while. but it feels like... i’m reading it to complete it, you know? like i just want it off my bookmarks bar / to-do checklist. normally i’d be all over the fandom and topic but it’s hard to feel engaged right now. it was like that with my drawing, too. i’m really happy with the paper quality and the way the panels are coming out- something about the pencil work just looks really, really good in a way my other, ancient sketchbook hadn’t been able to hold. i wish i could feel happier about that. or, more consistently happy? i wish the happiness would last longer than the exact amount of time i’m looking at the page? yeah, that.

and the scene itself is even not upsetting, for once. i’m happy while i’m drawing it, but i dunno. something seems to wear off after the first 30 minutes and it’s hard to stick with it. it’s not really artist’s block... i know exactly what i want to be drawing and how to do it. it’s just that i can’t enjoy anything right now and it all feels mushy and gray.

(kind of like the actual art of the comic, dohohoho)

i did feel less lonely though, getting to work and listening to a podcast and putting together all the trappings of productivity. reading distracted me for a while, even if feeling like this was also distracting me from the reading.

tomorrow i’ve got an extra em lecture to attend, as review before the midterm. i’m not gonna skip it, but i am just... exhausted. i gotta finish an entire assignment for my other class before wednesday, and the midterm is also on wednesday, and... gaahhhhhhd. i’ve got three missing em assignments, and each of those takes like 6-8 hours. (i’ve got sooz’s help, so it will take less, but the learning still has to get done...) grading has to happen somewhere in there, and finishing the scene, and trying to move this entire comic delay trainwreck back on schedule with my bare hands.

i don’t even want to talk to anyone anymore at this point. harrison is actively exhausting, i just haven’t really felt a connection with tia or harith or any of the new students... everyone else seems just too hard to reach out to. it’s hard to want to talk to closer friends because i get so caught up in “is this conversation balanced? did i ask about their day? i need to catch up with them first. oh they have something to talk about. it’s way easier to listen to their story about their trip and look at pictures. oh now the conversation’s over i guess.” (or whatever. i’m not talking about anyone specific. i’m not mad or upset or anything. i’m just so tired.)

i’m choking up 200 dollars at my therapist appointment on tuesday, to cover my deductible... at least i’ve got my budget fairly balanced now. i gotta get snoopy to the vet in two weeks which will put a hole in my pocket. and i also need to start actively complaining to my mother’s insurance company about the reimbursement they never gave me despite the doctor’s office filing the paperwork for me. that’ll cover snoopy’s bills.

everyone at the office seems to think i’m, like, super nice or work hard or whatever. i’m so tired all the time. i did, at least, today, keep my screaming entirely internal. i think the most noise i accidentally made was a strangled groan when i had to get up after sitting in the comfortable chair to too long transcribing class notes.

but! sitting curled up in the chair like that hurts an entirely different part of my back than sitting at the desk, so it gives my shoulders a chance to rest.

what i mean is, i didn’t go off at anyone. i got kind of curt with harrison and i said something unnecessarily gloomy to asher but i kept it... restrained, more than usual. i think. just wait for it to go away. no one can help anyway. no one would help. no one would know to help, that i need help, or how to help.

i’m so tired! i’m too tired to do all my stretches every single day! i’m too tired to reframe every bad thought as it comes up! i’m too tired to challenge every single bit of the endless tsunami of negative self talk all day every day! i’m too tired to do the dishes after every meal! or even every day! i’m too tired to go to bed on time every single night and do the breathing exercises and try to force myself asleep. i’m too tired to get up and comfort myself after the scalding nightmares until i can sleep again.

i’m too tired to do any of the things that would make me have enough energy to do them. and i’m too injured to go for a bike ride and enjoy the cold front that blew through town and lowered the temperature by like 15 degrees. the best i can do is keep my window open and try to ignore the downtown noises.

maybe i could go stand in the public pool. if i can get myself up early enough. that cheers me up a little bit, sometimes, not always.

i wish i had someone with me to do those things. but i don’t. and no one’s gonna do them but me. so i gotta also devote energy to being my own cheerleader while i don’t even have the energy to not be my own worst enemy.

“nothing better to do.” that’s all the motivation i’ve ever had. sometimes it’s enough. but not always. sometimes i’m too tired. gotta lay on the floor and make whiny noises and stare off into space for five hours.

then i gotta pick myself up and get moving again. no one’s gonna pick me up. can’t lay there forever. i don’t like laying there doing nothing.

#i'm not... doing good

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angelaiswriting · 7 years ago

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I Still Love You | Marco Ilsø x OC

[Pic above is ‘mine’ - PSD (not mine) here + image found on Pinterest. I’m a hoe for IG mockups, I’m sorry. Thanks Tumblr for lowering the quality when I add pics in a text post]

✎ Pairing: Marco Ilsø x OC

✎ A/N: I’m just so slow...

✎ Warnings: ... and I’m on my period and this makes me emotional, so I cried all the time while writing this. So I just don’t know, but if you find any let me know, okay? Please?

Word-count: 2524

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

It had taken him almost two weeks to convince her, but eventually, he had managed to force a ‘yes’ out of her lips. And ever since that afternoon in the library she worked at, he had found himself smiling like a fool every day.

“You will scare her away if you keep that creepy smile on your face,” Alex had warned him, but Marco simply didn’t care. And, moreover, his friend didn’t understand. Couldn’t understand. Alex hadn’t scared his girlfriend away. He hadn’t ripped her heart out of her chest. He hadn’t got drunk at the wrong party, hadn’t done what he had done. Alex didn’t know what it felt like, watching as someone he had once loved with all his might tried to get back up on her feet to go on with her life. Didn’t know what it felt like to see Anna take care of his nieces, or how he hadn’t found it in himself to wash the pullover he had lent her. He couldn’t hear nor feel the way his heart kept beating inside his chest, threatening to break his ribs.

All that mattered was that Anna had accepted to come to their New Year’s party – anything else lost its meaning. He had spent days looking for the perfect birthday gift for her and had ended up buying the bracelet Alex had suggested. It was shiny, the thin material catching the light even now, under the dim lights of his bathroom. It could mean ‘it’s nice to have you back,’ or ‘I’d like another chance, go back where we were before I fucked up,’ or ‘please, don’t exit my life again, I couldn’t survive it.’ All things he knew he wouldn’t be able to tell her. He wasn’t going to tell her he loved her, or that he still needed her in his life, still wanted to marry her and have her kids as he had always imagined before things went downhill.

And it was all because he was a stupid coward, he told himself. He could still see the hurt and betrayal behind her smile, could still see the sadness in her grey irises. And when he thought of the tears she must have shed… it killed him, there was no better word to say it.

It killed him that he couldn’t have her. It killed him that he had hurt her. It killed him that maybe, one day, she wouldn’t bear his children but someone else’s. And it killed him that he couldn’t go back in time, couldn’t fix his mistake.

When he looked up in the mirror, he saw Alex leaning against the door frame.

“Are you ready to go?” his friend asked. He was wearing a light pair of jeans and a navy blue button-down, but he was Alex and anything always looked good on him.

“Am I?” Marco honestly didn’t know. It wasn’t like it was the first time he was hanging out with her – though he still couldn’t understand why Anna had yet to yell at him to leave her the fuck alone – he felt as though this time was different, as though, somehow, it was special.

Alex reached him and grabbed him by his shoulders. “I don’t know, buddy. You tell me.”

Marco sighed and closed his eyes for a second.

To hell with the party! He was just going to call in sick, lay down on his couch and drown in his miserable memories.

“I think I need a drink,” he muttered, shoving the little black box with Anna’s present in his pocket.

His friend laughed and stopped him from leaving the bathroom. “Stop with all this shit, Marco,” he warned. “That girl is waiting for you to pick her up. What are you gonna do? Be a coward and not show up?”

Marco didn’t even fight to free himself from Alex’s hold. “What if I mess up again? What if I end up hurting her?”

“And what if you show her you’ve finally manned up and that you’re worthy of her forgiveness? Have you ever thought of that?”

Marco tried to say something, but his mouth opened and closed a few times before he slumped his shoulders and heaved a sigh.

“I’m taking this as a ‘no’,” Alex smiled. “Look, if you don’t’ take the risk, you’ll never know. She’s trusting you enough to let you near her again. And I might not know what happened between the two of you, but it looks like she’s willing to take the risk and see where this thing goes. You even bought her a birthday present! If you don’t go, what are you going to do with it? Leaving it in your pocket to remind you that once you pissed yourself at the thought of hanging out with the girl you’re clearly head over heels in love with?”

Marco shook his head and lowered his gaze. No, he couldn’t do this to her. He couldn’t get back into her life just to screw it up once more. “You don’t understand…” he trailed off.

“And then make me understand!” But when Marco kept silent, Alex groaned and let go of his hold on his friend’s arm. “Okay. Good. Stay at home. I’ going to pick her up and take her out for the night. Maybe I’ll even manage to not make you come off as a gigantic coward.”

Marco didn’t answer. He knew his friend wasn’t going to do something like that to him. He had yet to tell him the reason why Anna had broken up with him – and he wasn’t even sure he was going to open up on that topic with anyone for at least a millennium – but he knew Alex partially understood. But when he left the bathroom and Marco saw him entering his bedroom, a thrill went down his spine.

He wasn’t going to take his phone.

Marco shook his head. No, he wasn’t.

A few moments passed before he heard his friend’s voice talking with someone. “Hi, I’m Alex, Marco’s friend.”

He had never known how fast he could run until the thought of Alex calling his Anna crashed onto his shoulders. He cursed his stupid self for sharing his phone password with his friend. They were like brothers and he knew Alex’s PIN too but would have never thought of something like that.

Alex didn’t even see him coming. Marco just jumped on him from behind, sending him flying onto his bed and tore his phone from his friend’s hand.

For a second he thought it was just a joke. Alex had faked a call just to wake him out of his fears, but when he heard a voice coming from the speakers of his phone, he froze.

“What the fuck did you do?” he hissed, standing up and preparing himself to confront Anna.

Alex was grinning. “I woke you up.”

Marco scoffed and shook his head before pressing the phone against his ear. “Hello?”

“Marco?” Anna sounded confused. What was he going to tell her? “Is everything alright? Are you okay? Did something happen?”

He didn’t even notice the worried tone of her voice, too busy killing his friend with his eyes. “Yes, don’t worry. Alex was just pranking me.”

“God, good,” she sighed. “I thought something bad had happened to you.”

“What? No…”

Anna kept quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. “Do you… Do you want to cancel the date?”

She couldn’t do this to him. She couldn’t show him how well she still knew him now. “No, no, how could you think something like this?”

“I don’t know, I just… I had a feeling, that’s all. I’ll wait for you, then.” He could almost see her smiling, relieved.

“I’ll be there soon,” he reassured her.

He waited for her to hang up before groaning. “I’m so going to kill you, hoe,” he warned.

“You’ll thank me when you’ll make her birthday,” Alex shrugged his shoulders, a stupid smug smile on his face, a smile Marco couldn’t wait to erase.

When they reached her house, Anna was already outside. She was wearing a red dress, one that looked particularly good on her, and a black jacket, and her hair was braided into a braid that crowned her head like Princess Leia’s.

He hurried out of the car to open the passenger’s door for her while she hurried down the driveway.

“Hi,” she smiled, clutching her purse with both hands.

Marco smiled like an idiot. What was he afraid of? It was as if, suddenly, all his fears flew out of the window and he was left alone with her.

“Are you going to tell her she looks stunning or do I have to do it for you?” Alex’s voice startled them both. He had rolled down the window and was now poking his head in the freezing air of the evening.

“You’re the one who called me,” Anna recognized him and shook the hand Alex was holding out for her.

“Don’t mind him,” Marco stepped in, waiting for her to sit in the car. “He’s just an idiot,” he added, bending over to glare at his friend, sitting behind Anna. When he closed the door, he tried not to pay too much attention to the goosebumps Anna’s cool breath had caused to rise on his neck.

There was no good in deluding himself.

And when he sat down in front of the steering wheel again, he tried to ignore his friends giggling. Alex is not taking her anyway, he told himself. He was his best friend, his partner in crime: he knew he wouldn’t hurt him. It was just a joke. Just a stupid joke, nothing important.

He had been driving for ten minutes when Anna spoke up.

“This is embarrassing, you know?” she chuckled, glancing at him and then at Alex. “I’m still trying to decide if you’re just mad at each other or if you’re planning to kill me and drop me off somewhere.”

Alex laughed, and even Marco giggled. But then the stupid friend he had had to open his stupid mouth and answer with the worst answer he could come up with. “Marco’s just afraid of doing something stupid and scare you away.”

I’m so killing you.

He noticed Anna blushing from the corner of his eye, but when he was about to shut Alex up, she spoke. “Nothing bad will happen, don’t worry.”

The touch on his shoulder made him turn towards her for a second and he saw her smiling. She had faith in him, why couldn’t he have faith in himself, too?

“I’m sorry for what happened in the car,” he muttered staring at Alex talking with a guy he did not know. “Alex can be… I don’t know, his behavior is beyond my understanding.”

“What happened in the car, Marco?”

He didn’t answer.

“Is that why your friend called me, earlier this evening? Because you were afraid of messing up and wanted to cancel?”

Marco stared at her but all he could see were her tears, her puffy eyes and the smeared makeup she had worn the night he had messed up for real.

“I don’t want to hurt you again,” he confessed.

“You want me to go back home then?”

No. “No!” The strength with which he grabbed her wrist scared him and forced him to let go as if her skin had burned him. “Please, stay. I’m just… nervous.”

Anna smiled and sipped her orange juice – it made him smile, the way she didn’t like alcohol.

Why was he like this? Why did he have to always ruin everything with her?

She was probably thinking of a polite excuse to leave because, heck! He himself was embarrassed by what he had said.

It was then that he saw Alex staring at him from the other side of the crowded room. He was frowning, his arms crossed over his chest. He knew his friend was losing what little courage he had managed to come up with.

‘For fuck’s sake, dude! Take her outside and give her her damn present!’ Alex texted him.

It wasn’t that he didn’t know what to do. It was more like he didn’t know how to do it. What if the bracelet wasn’t enough? Or what if it was too much? They weren’t even as close as he hoped anymore. And that whole car thing had ruined everything.

What was she thinking of him now?

Maybe it embarrassed her too much.

Maybe she’d rather be at home watching the X-Men marathon re-run.

She didn’t know anyone at the party, so maybe she was regretting coming in the first place.

“I’m sorry if I said anything awkward,” she started after a while, looking up at him.

She was uncomfortably leaning against the wall and he knew he should have introduced her to his friends, but what if they said the wrong things? Or what if some of them, even just one, decided to hook up with her?

He rubbed his eyes with his free hand, trying not to sigh again.

“I mean, you’re clearly not having fun. I’m not even sure you still want me here…” she continued. “I know it’s awkward between us since what happened, but I’m trying. I don’t know, maybe I’m failing, but just know that you don’t have to put up with me if you don’t want to. I mean, I shouldn’t be the one putting up with you, but I believe in second chances and…” When he met her eyes, she stopped. “I’m just trying to say that I’m not chaining you down, that if you want to go, then you’re free to go.”

Why was she thinking it was her fault?

“I don’t want to let go of you.” He put the glass down on the floor and grabbed her hand. “I just want to make up for what I did, but I… I’m too afraid of…”

“Messing up?”

He nodded.

“I’m scared, too, but if you never try you never know, right?”

He nodded again before shoving his hand into his pocket. “I bought you this,” he simply stated. “Happy birthday, Anna.” He put the little black box in her hands, sweating nervously. Why did it have to be so difficult? He waited for her to open it before speaking again. “It’s not the original box. The one that came with the bracelet was too big to fit in the pocket, but I have it at home if you want it and…”

“I love it, thank you,” she chuckled. “Can you help me with the clip?”

It took him more than he thought it would, but in the end, the bracelet was secured around her wrist.

“I’m glad you like it,” he confessed, relieved. “There’s something I need to tell you,” he added after a while, lowering his gaze again. “And you don’t have to say it back now. You don’t even have to say it back at all, but I just… need to let it out.”

She squeezed his hand harder. “Okay?”

“I still love you.”

Why is he like this? Also, Alex is my spirit animal in this shit.

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