#TRY TO GROW UP AND DON'T MAKE OTHER PEOPLE SUFFER ONLY BECAUSE YOU ARE FRUSTRATED

[starlithumanity]

I don't even know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that all of Ed's violence is a) anti-imperial, b) protective against direct repeated threats to himself and his loved ones, or c) self-destructive in the hopes someone will respond by killing him during his suicidal spiral. (That last example is fairly indirect and performative and comes from a place of severe nihilistic suffering.)

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that the violence is triggering and traumatic and exhausting for Ed, and that he is desperate for a chance to live differently but has also never known any other life. Stede gave him the one true glimpse he's had of something gentler! Ed didn't fully know how fucked up his life was before because that was normal to him. That's what growing up traumatized does to you.

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that the suicidal spiral is a result of Ed's circumstances: of Ed being threatened by Izzy after Izzy repeatedly found ways to force Ed back towards the violent life Ed wants so much to escape, of Ed losing his one glimpse at safety and happiness through Stede and now having to face the darkness knowing he nearly found something different, of Ed feeling like the only way he can survive in this world is by being an "unlovable" monster he hates--and then he's confronted by Izzy telling him he's still not getting it right. Of course Ed gives up then.

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed the show's themes about how much harm is caused by toxic masculinity and by masking your true self and by cultures founded on trauma and self-hate and burnout. (You do see the burnout in Ed, yeah?)

I do get why some people might not understand the complexities of Ed's relationship with Izzy--how codependent and enmeshed their identities are--or the layers of symbolism that position Izzy in the story as a metaphor for traditional pirate culture and its harmful impact. (Which is particularly triggering for Ed on a daddy issues level because that's his original trauma.) If you understand those things, the unique nature of the physical harm Ed does to Izzy in this story makes even more sense.

Ed also frequently communicates through metaphor himself. Him cutting off Izzy's toes is not only a show trying to convince Izzy he's playing Blackbeard right and not only a response to Izzy repeatedly threatening Stede/continuing to threaten Ed, but also is meant to physically represent the harm that Izzy has done emotionally to Ed. Ed is communicating to Izzy the only way he knows how anymore: "See how it feels to be forced to lose parts of yourself? Stede was a part of me. My hopes of softness and joy were a part of me. You cut those off too."

There is so much evidence against the thought that Ed is some irredemable, monstrous lover of violence who will hurt Stede someday. Stede would have to repeatedly and directly threaten someone else Ed loves first (which Stede won't do), and even then, Ed would really have to fight with himself.

It's not his nature, y'all, and I'm so frustrated that some people keep insisting it is. I'm frustrated about what that says about people's ability to empathize and consider reasons for or contexts behind behaviors--particularly when the character in question is an openly queer and likely neurodivergent indigenous man. Is it so hard to have compassion and forgiveness for him? Please don't get stuck in that punitive, dehumanizing mindset.

Redemption is so important, which is why I appreciate that Izzy gets a growth arc once he stops centering his entire identity on the Blackbeard persona and clinging to toxic masculinity. (Seeing Stede's impact, how different things could be, vs. the harm caused by the traditional ways, changes Izzy too!) Izzy's time, as a side character and mentor figure and piracy metaphor, does end, but first he gets to live with more meaning and unlearn many of the negative behaviors. That's the goal, right? To move forward.

[diabolicalworldwriter]

Jesus, I just got to the point in Words of Radiance where Kal is in prison and Dalinar basically says "You're not going to end racism by being radical and acting upset about it. You can't just expect us to treat you like an equal because you're not one. Play nice and maybe the racists will grow to respect you"

I.

Buddy what the fuck

In general I think I've found that I'm... Not as fond of Dalinar as I used to be. Don't get me wrong, he does some great things and he's constantly trying to improve and I appreciate that. Flawed characters make stories interesting and I think Brandon does a fantastic job of writing him. However, he is overly strict and judgemental (Still not forgiving him for hating on Adolin for trying to express himself a bit more through style in ROW; let my boy dress up a bit if he wants), he struggles to accept other ways of doing things (we could look to Adolin again, being "too friendly" with those he commands and Dalinar going "noooo they might respect you less if they think you see them as an equal individual"), and while he talks about how he wants to change how everything works, if someone tries to defy convention in a way he doesn't approve of he shuts them down. (Kaladin pointing out very fair issues with how dark eyes are punished severely and light eyes get away with everything only to be talked down at until he shut up and fell in line, for example.) He wants change and has power to bring it about but won't do anything too radical for it, I guess, and that frustrates me. He tends to support systems as long as they work for his own goals, even if they're still exploitative and deeply unjust, while also complaining that everyone else is being exploitative and unjust. I dislike that he acts like he's doing Kaladin such a favor by treating him as almost an equal. "I'm sticking my neck out by treating you like a human, act civil and don't try to speak too loudly about the injustices yet, you might make the others uncomfortable." Dalinar isn't like other light eyes, he's so quirky and different and sometimes acts a bit less classist and racist!!! Aren't we lucky!! Idk maybe I'm stating my point a bit too strongly but damn. He's giving "yeah I'm a stubborn old man but really I'm quite progressive, I don't even go out of my way to hate crime people"

Words of Radiance, while I enjoy it, is rather difficult to get through because it's just so many main characters who I generally appreciate being awful to/supporting or ignoring awful behavior towards Kaladin and if he reacts they're like ":0000 how dare he attack first" (I appreciate Zahel chewing out Adolin for antagonizing and then fighting Kal in shardplate because goddamn Adolin I love you but that sucked.)

I'm finding Elhokar a lot more unlikeable on this reread as well. He's meant to be unlikeable of course, so good job on that, but Jesus he can be the worst. Honestly standing beside my past thoughts that what Moash did wrong was not in turning on the system that oppresses him and all the dark eyes, but just that he knowingly hurt Kaladin and other people who cared about him repeatedly and severely to do so.

I'm on board with killing horrible leaders (especially if it seems the only way to remove them and stop them from causing harm: people shouldn't have to suffer and die as part of a leader's learning curve and character growth, and going "they're working on it" when people are actively suffering is garbage. I'm still sad at Elhokar's death but I'm not sad that he's no longer king) but I draw the line at abusing and killing one's friends and I am just hoping he comes to terms with what he has done wrong and improves in book five.

Anyways that was long and scattered I'm sorry lmao you should have heard my rant to my poor cousin, I was rambling for like half an hour.

[thequietkid-moonie]

Slowly forgeting someone important

[ ONE-SHOT ] [ Teru Minamoto ]

[ Toilet Bound Hanako-kun / Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun ]

This idea has wonder in my head for a while and I totally loved it since the moment t I thought about it!! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!!

As the clan representative, Teru had grew giving his full life to his job as an exorsist, learning how important is to never forget that the supernaturals are nothing but a threaten and they most be erradicated

Once Teru falls in love and even have the opportunity to be selfish enough to start a relasionship he didn't let himself forget about his duty, and that he need to protect you from the threatens the supernaturals are, so once in the relasionship he takes the freedom to explain it to you, how he is actually an exorsist and about his duty only because he wants to keep you safe

Teru made sure to tell you about the threaten of the supernaturals, to give you a warning (mainly for your safety) and even give you something will protect you while he isn't with you, because even when he is confident on his habilities and knows that you will listen to his warning he just can't help but worry and ve alert

Thats is why he just can't comprehend why something like thats could have happened, he was alert and he made sure to protect you and still some stupid natural was able to reach you and attack you, he wasn't there when it happened but that didn't meant he didn't know it was the work of a supernatural, he knows how to reconize this kind of things, the moment you didn't showed up to school that day nor answered his texts he knew something had happened to you

He had enough experience of fighting supernaturals to don't reconize that this was their work, but that didn't make him feel less guilt, if only he was more alert or more careful then you won't be missing right now. Trying to overcome his frustration Teru started his search for you, following the traces and collecting as much information as possible, even forcing other supernaturals (inside and outside the school) to tell him if they had saw you and when

As much as Teru want to keep his composture is dificult when the person he loves is missing and he has not even tracks of you, the more time it pass the more frustrated Teru gets because every second it pass it can mean more suffering for you, if he doesn't know even who had attacked you how he can be sure that you are safe and unharmed

Teru was so focus on searching you or the culprit between the supernaturals that he didn't even noticed when the worried whisperings about you had stoped, it was obvious that it would be just matter of time for people to start talking less about it, but Teru quickly noticed that there was more of it, there wasn't just that they stoped talking, it was more like they just forgot at all that there was even a missing student, not even the ones that used to be your friends were talking about it anymore, and that just made him feel more and more anxious

Teru knows that the powers of the supernaturals may vary, and that there have being diferent supernaturals that can affect the humans world in dangerous ways, and even when he had being avoiding to think about it he had no other option than to accept that the supernatural that have attacked you has also the power to manipularte the humans world to erradicated your existance, making everyone else just forget about you, but not him, Teru isn't someone that will be fulled by a supernatural trick (specially if you are the one who had being affected), he still remember you and he will work really hard to bring you back and made that supernatural pay

From that day Teru's life become more messy and stressful, his siblings grow quite concern by seeing him so in the edge all the time, being a little more messy but aggresive while fighting because he want to end quick and go back to his search, people around him had heard a few times now asks about someone they have never heard about, even Akane can admit that he had been not paying the same attention to him, even if he tries to mess with Teru he just put him out of his way

It was a while now since people around him noticed how Teru seem to be distracted or even troubled by something, even when he insist that he is fine is obvious how his mind wander around, and the more time it pass the stranger it gets because is all of the sudden that seems that slowly Teru start to goe back to the normal by nor being so distracted all the time, but even if in the exterior he seems to start going back to his normal self he is far from being okay, every day it pass he just get more and more confused and anxious

In his mind started to wander the weak memory of a voice that he doesn't reconize, calling him by his name, and even if he doesn't remeber where he had heard it he can feel himself feeling quite happy and nostalgic, he had catch himself on the school waiting for someone even when he doesn't really is that close to anyone to actually go out of his way to spend time with. Also there is this weird sensation of having to find a supernatural when doing his exorsist job, no matter how much supernaturals he fight that sensation of having to find one in particular never leaves him, and it frustrate him even more because he knows that is something really important, he feels angry at that one even when he doesn't really know who it is

The more time it pass the more he feels his heart heavy and just hurt more and more, Teru feels a huge emptiness inside him, as if he was forgeting something, something really important, as if something was missing and their absence was creating an immense empty space but not matter how much he tries to fill it up or even remember what is missing he just can't remember, is like if his body remember it and show it by the inmense feeling of emptiness and even the guilt for forgeting, but no matter how much he tries his mind just can't remember, even when he knows it was something important his mind can't understand what it was

[someobscurereference]

ive been rereading your ffxv fic "im trying hard to take it back" for literally four years now. please end my suffering and tell me how gladio feels. please. PLEASE. (but only if u want ofc)

(fic) Short answer: Gladio feels insane guilt and spends a lot of his life trying to make this up to Prompto. In the process, they deepen their connection as friends and do begin a relationship probably around the one-year mark of endless darkness. <3

Longer answer: (implications of abuse/violence tw but no worse than in the fic itself; just what others assume to be true even if it's not in the context of this specific fic)

Gladio is a secret romantic at heart who has always envisioned meeting his soulmate, but he's also duty-bound and duty comes first. So even though he reads romance books (amongst other types of books too) and indulges in his head a bit as many people do, he's often put his duty to the crown first and foremost in his mind. He also didn't imagine his soulmate was anyone on this trip and thought perhaps the person he may have been fated to meet died in the assault of Insomnia. Even if they were a refugee, they can't be a priority to him at this moment. His priority has to be Noctis.

Prompto has obviously grown on him over the course of their road trip, but there are aspects of them that don't 100% mesh (as is true with every realistic relationship). That said, Gladio never in a hundred years would want this moment of (understandable but out of line) frustration and anger in the wake of Luna and Altissa to be a permanent mark on Prompto's face. He's genuinely horrified and disgusted with himself for a long time after this and spends most of his life trying to make it up. He feels like a dirtbag about it.

That said, Prompto runs away from him in this moment and they need time to calm down, just as the fic shows. Noctis goes after Prompto, just like in canon. Prompto falls off the train and has his Despair Arc just like in the DLC, now with the added despair of "well, in addition to being a clone, my soulmate hates me. And in addition to the mark of inhumanity on my wrist (barcode), I have a giant hand print of him literally Shoving Me Away on my face. Forever."

Aranea: Well, do you want to die about it. Or do you want to live.

Prompto, eventually like in canon: Live, I guess. But it will be excruciating.

Aranea: That's what living is. We do it anyway. Your friends love you. Get off the floor.

He fights his way through his issues and gets rescued like in canon. Gladio probably tries to talk to him when they all catch up again, trying to apologize, and Prompto tells him to hold off on that for later.

Then, of course, Noctis is eaten by the crystal and "later" becomes much, much later as they evacuate and try to survive in eternal darkness. (Though they also can't Not think about it because it's a giant hand print. On Prompto's face. And every person they meet has Something To Say about it, for better or worse, whether they knew Prompto before or not. Prompto cannot escape it, and when Gladio is not doing Crown Duties he feels he must do in Noct's absence, he's with Prompto, so he also Cannot Escape It either. Even when the person speaking is unaware that Gladio left that mark. It's almost worse when they don't know, but when they see it's Gladio, who is such a big guy who seemingly hit Prompto and left that permanent mark there, some of them get nasty to him and some back off out of fear. Both are horrible. The guilt is eating him alive.)

Eventually, enough time passes as the dust settles that they do Talk About It. Gladio apologizes sincerely, for the 500th time. Prompto's like, "Well. It's not like you could have known that this would be The One Time it happened." And then cracks a joke about their soulmate mark being a Prompto's hand print on Gladio's ass from a butt slap in another life, which does help the tension somewhat. (The more Gladio tries to apologize, the more Prompto grows sick of hearing it, so they just have to move on and keep going, as he's learned to do.)

They grow closer over time, especially because there's not a lot of people who have survived to this point and even less later on. They do get together romantically, both because they do like the idea of soulmates (for different reasons) and also because they're living out of each others pockets for years, so there's an affection and dependency that develops there. Also, teenage Prompto always thought Gladio was really handsome and teen Gladio thought Prompto was cute and sincere for a pipsqueak.

When they are out together on dates in normal settings surrounded by strangers after the light returns, Gladio will receive dirty looks for the rest of his life from strangers who see the hand print on Prompto's face and immediately (correctly) assumes it was out of anger rather than a funny accident or something. (Edit: Some people will assume there is a funny story attached. Gladio will not know what to say to this. Prompto will play along.) He will learn to live with this. Prompto is really grateful Gladio is with him despite everything.

[petitelepus]

So, I've been seeing these kny match ups and naturally in curious about mine cough um4. So I guess, I just put up the type of paring I want and go from there.

Here's all about spife for a yandere/romantic match up (my gender preference for a partner is men):

I'm a rather positive person, who has no time to spare for those who wish to put me down. Although, at first it may seem like I'm revealing too much (which I sometimes do) I have my fair share of secrets and allow myself to be vulnerable with only those I trust– I tend to shrink back into my little shy hole if I think I'm too much. I like complimenting people, like to remind them to not put themselves down and be kind to themselves even if they make mistakes. I also like helping people because it makes me happy to see people happy (especially those who need to vent, I'm willing to listen and be the shoulder to cry on, even if I'm a complete stranger). However, I am also very emotionally sensitive (I get the urge to cry if someone I really like yells at me or lectures me about something I find funny even if they're trying to help as they make me realise I'm embarrassing or have embarrassed myself). I am assertive when I need to be, although in a calm and composed manner (I lose my temper when I'm frustrated though I think I do well under some pressure). I possess a strong sense of justice and FIRMLY believe in fairness for all and (usually) when I engage in deep conversations with my friends, I tend to pity those who suffer of the cruelty in the world and criticise those in power who choose to do nothing aka corruption. I am a FIRM believer that strength must be used to protect and help others and that people must have an open ear for the broken and hurt (I cry when people cry or for those who are misfortune and end up praying for them at times though very rarely). I am also quite lighthearted, though. I can laugh at myself if I make a mistake and will bring up the memory for fun times. And useless fact, I am a sweet tooth. In general, I'm a sensitive, introverted ray of sunshine who also will uphold their beliefs no matter what anyone says and despite the fact that I tend to be too lenient, I will almost always end up confronting someone. In general, I have been taught by my mother to always be kind to others because you don't know what they could be going though.

That was long. I'm curious to see who I get! Have a nice day (⁠つ⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)⁠つ

Hantengu is Yandere for you!

Hantengu was scared of you when you first met, but despite being a Demon, you showed him the benefit of the doubt because of how frail and pathetic he was to even look at.

He could deduce that you didn't see him as a threat, not yet anyway, no, you seemed to pity him. The moment Hantengu realized this, he knew he could manipulate you as much as he desired.

He makes you believe that nothing is his fault, that it wasn't his fault he was a Demon, or that he had to kill and eat people to live… And you believe him, because of what your mother said about not knowing what others have gone through.

Oh, you're such a Saint, surely you would pity poor innocent Hantengu! He hasn't done anything wrong, he swears, but people still bully and torment him!

Hearing him wail and cry and seeing him tremble so hard his teeth are clattering, they make you cry for his sake and they activate that protective nature of yours and that is exactly what the Demon aims for.

But Hantengu didn't expect to grow so fond of you. Normally he would eat anyone in your position, but you are strong, not some normal human, and he could use another bodyguard.

…But he falls for you and your chivalrousness, only when Hantengu falls for someone, he will become obsessed with them.

He has to know where you are and what you are doing every single second of the day. If you are gone too long or he doesn't know where you are, he starts to cry so hard and call out for you.

You think you must protect him when it might just be you who actually needs protection.

You're so sweet, he fears that other people might take advantage of that kindness of yours. Just like he does, but he is different! He loves you! What's their excuse!?

You're stunned when you first time meet his clones, and you can tell they are strong. That's when you start to realize that maybe there was more to Hantengu than you thought yet you still stay because they won't let you leave.

Sekido has to be careful around you because he has a tendency to snap at things, but he is obsessed with you just like Hantengu, and doesn't want to scare you off. He will tell you that you trust too easily, but when you ask what he means by that, he goes silent.

Karaku loves seeing and spending time with you. He is the most laid-back clone, but he loves having a good time and highly enjoys teasing you. You're just so cute when you get flustered, he could eat you up!

Aizetsu is probably the only one who feels awful about tricking you into becoming their own personal human, but he doesn't do anything to fix or make things better for you. In the end, he loves you also and doesn't want to let you go.

Urogi thinks it's hilarious how you actually believe Hantengu's innocence, but even Hantengu believes so also; so in the end you are both way too gullible. That works for him though.

The point is, Hantengu won't let you go and if it's a fight someone may want, his clones are there to protect him and his special bond with you.

I match you with Gyomei Himejima!

The Stone Hashira could sense you before he could "see" you. You radiated this brilliant, genuine, kind, and courageous aura, it nearly left him speechless.

He is happy to meet you and is crying in a matter of seconds, stating that he can "see" your "strength", whatever he meant by that. The two of you hit it off immediately and grow a strong bond of kindness and respect for each other.

You take an immediate liking to Gyomei, and you may feel like you need to take care of or help him because of his blindness, but he assures you that he can "see" fine on his own and how things had been that way since his childhood.

That doesn't help and it makes you cry, knowing how hard life must have been for him. The Hashira chooses not to tell you about the actual sadness and hardships he had to endure because he doesn't want you to cry anymore. If you cry, he might start crying too. This does happen daily.

You don't hold secrets from Gyomei and he feels honored that you trust him so much that you are willing to share so much about yourself with him. He makes small mental notes here and there to remember later, like your favorite book or what sweets you like most so he knows to get you some while he is out there hunting Demons.

Gyomei admires your strong sense of justice and how you want to see the best in everyone and everything... But this can make you gullible and he warns you about it.

You may get a little upset by his remark, but he just wants you to look out for yourself also and think of yourself sometimes first. You are still a human and not a Demon so you can get hurt badly or die even and he wouldn't know what to do if something like that happened to you. He doubts that he could ever heal from that.

He wants you to stay safe, but you want to protect people like he does and he knows he can't change your mind about it... So he makes a humble request to Master to let him accompany you on your missions when he doesn't have any.

This means Gyomei doesn't have much free time, but every moment spent with you is even better than those moments alone in his manor. He loves to hear how you describe things to him and how you laugh at the silliest things.

A day doesn't pass when Gyomei doesn't thank God for lowering you on Earth. He loves you that much and wants to spend as much time with you as possible.

[crepuscular-coyote]

Let me start out by saying that I am trans and do suffer from gender dysphoria. So when I say this I am in no way trying to make fun of trans people, okay? I don't want to hurt anyone. This is just how I perceive my experiences.

I have species dysphoria.

I am serious.

I made an earlier post about the intersection of my trans identity and my canine identity, and so many folks felt the same way- thank you for sharing your experiences btw I was happy to hear that I was not alone.

I get frustrated knowing that I will never fully look how I envision myself to be. Even if I do go on T at some point and become happier in my human body, there will always be the nagging feeling of something missing.

Canines are so intrinsically linked to my identity and how I see myself that I just- I can't see myself any other way. I love dogs in particular; they were my first special interest and I was so obsessed with my dog as a kid that I adopted some of her behaviors. Every book I read for years of my childhood was about dogs (or animals in general). I drew mostly dogs and cats growing up and even now I only draw animals. My first volunteer experience was with dogs (now I work with cats lol) and I just see myself as one, you know?

Maybe it's because I'm autistic or maybe it's the trauma and rejection I faced in the past but I just don't feel human... gender. I don't know.

It's a stupid way to feel but I can't change it. I wish I experienced my gender in a more "normal" way but that's why I haven't found a label that truly fits either. It's all so human and I'm just not.

Anyone else get where I'm coming from?

[vital-information]

"What I really realized about some of my ideas of freedom is that they were like neoliberal fantasies. It's like, 'let me choose everything,' 'leave me alone all the time,' 'don't put any demands on me--only I will make demands.' It's a dark vision, and it really took me a long time to understand that the things that I'd been taught by the capitalist 80s to believe were unfreedom are freedom. Having people who mean something to you, who you have duties towards, is not unfreedom; it's freedom. It's actual existence...To be free of meaning is not freedom. Now my life is full of meanings, sometimes they're difficult, sometimes they're painful, but it's absolutely full. I don't think children are the only root to that kind of meaning, but I absolutely think you have to find something other than yourself to focus on.

...

When I meet a lot of other lady writers, I know, when we first had children we spent our whole time talking about how we were somehow trapped or imprisoned, but that's the most superficial idea of what a relation with other people is like. Now I consider all my relations--my friends, my dog, my husband, my family--as things that liberate me from myself. They are absolute freedom to me, and without them I would just be completely lost. A dog can do this for you, a cat can do this for you, going down to the larder and volunteering can do this for you. You just need to be among other people at some point, because otherwise it's hard to find in yourself (or for me anyway) a reason to go on.

...

It's a question of what does that freedom involve. I notice with the 'children thing' is that, at least in my own case, you spend so long battling to try and retain your own space. Then, when you look at what you've battled for, it isn't very much. These children are about to grow and disappear so quickly that you're going to get what you want sooner than you can imagine. All of these things are so out of sync with our capitalist discourse which is about 'you do you,' 'get what you want.' When it comes into conflict with this other thing, I guess we have in our heads, 'Am I become some kind of Victorian or old-fashioned person who is domesticated and a traditional woman.' We fight against that as if there's no liberating version of being connected to other people. That is the triumph of capitalism: it convinces you that it's just you and the shops, it's just you and the phone, and that's all that there is. Where there is an older vision of solidarity between people, within families, between children, between men and men, women and women, men and women--a community that is freeing. It's not a trap. It's like the only thing that brings joy.

...

I also think that's one of the tricks of the patriarchy: it makes you feel that all the traditional, supposedly feminine arts are humiliating. But why are they humiliating? In my house, it was the other way around. My dad was the cook. My dad was the cleaner. My mom was working a lot. My dad did a lot of those things. They're not humiliating when a man does them, apparently--[Interviewer Annie Macmanus: They're noble.]--He's been dead a long time, and sometimes, I can think of a meal he used to cook me, and it will bring me to tears. It was an art. And it was nourishing. And it was beautiful. And I'm so grateful. It was an act of love. I can't cook like that. My children will never have those memories of me. But, it's not nothing. It's the art of living. If it was a supposedly traditionally male art, you'd be getting awards for it...So I really resent the idea that these things are humiliating, even when I am picking up pants off the stairs, I think, 'I'm doing something for somebody else.' There is something noble in that, I hope.

Of course, the frustration is real. I think men suffer it just as much as women. I think to the credit of many contemporary men, they are doing absolutely the same amount of work...So the frustration is no longer purely female, which might be one of the triumphs of feminism. It's now something that lots of people have to experience, men and women. It's not that it's not real, but I have come to realize that [the frustration]'s not entirely debilitating. When it comes to art making, frustration can be really useful. Not being able to write, having your hands tied for part of every day, when I get down to my desk, I can't wait. Whereas when I was twenty-seven, I do remember embarrassingly moping around saying, 'Oh, I've got writer's block,' 'Oh, I've got ennui.' That to me now is like a comic thing, a ridiculous person who can't be taken seriously."

Zadie Smith, interviewed on Changes with Annie Macmanus

[autisticlee]

I can't relate super well to autistic people who are lower support needs and high masking. the ones i've tried to be friends with get frustrated at me for ~not being able to do things that are easy for them/they were able to do~ knowing these people are autistic and observing them has made me realise I have more support needs than most of the high masking, and i'm in fact bad to nearly incapable of actually masking. this includes masking being able to function if you have responsibilities and managing your get through, no meltdowns, no shutdowns, no loss of ability, but pushing through. they expect me to have the ability and masking levels they do and get too frustrated by me lacking that. there ends up being too much of a communication barrier between us, despite both being autistic. often they communicate with me the way they do allistics because they learned how to mimic allistic communication style and it causes our communication to fall apart because I can't communicate in that manner.

but I also probably wouldn't get along with higher support needs autistic people. I admit I haven't personally tried to become friends with any, because I don't know how to friends, but also haven't met many. but just from random ones i've seen post in tumblr or twitter or from random responses ive gotten, I can't share in all their specific experiences. they make sure I know their experiences are different and harder than mine no matter how much i feel i struggle. and i've accidentally made posts that resulted in at least a few getting upset at me because they feel like i'm not taking their needs/struggles seriously by trying to speak about mine and having some overlap on both the high and low sides. while probably seeming more "low support needs" and less struggling due growing up obsessed with words and grammar and writing. I tried super hard to find ways to communicate better with people since I couldn't speak to them, so I desperately learned how to write as well as I could. it has taken more than half an hour just to write this so far. very tired...

anyway, back on topic, they think I don't need as much support, so I can't speak up about needing support? not sure. even obsession with words doesn't mean saying right words and people understand. people still misunderstand. I try to take their feelings into consideration, but i'm still not sure what they want from me exactly? there's a communication barrier with high support needs just as much as with the lower support needs and allistics.

i'm always told when posting about friendship/people struggles "you just need to find/be friends with other autistic people! you can't expect to get along with allistics!" but these people saying this don't know I am talking about other autistic people. it's mostly people who tell me they're autistic who have misunderstood me and hurt me because they are ones I try to talk to.

anyway the point of this long ramble post where I keep getting off topic is I feel stuck in the middle. like i'm between the low support needs and the high support needs. is medium support needs real? I only see high and low talked about. I can't mask, have meltdowns, sensory processing and executive dysfunction problems so bad I can't do normal daily things correctly like shower and brush teeth and make food, am forced to do things I can't/mess up every time because i'm denied any help and support, so suffer alone, then I burn out in a single day. talking is very difficult, and i'm still punished if I don't do it. can't get jobs. pushed to mask but reminded I can't do it right no matter what and it upsets people...I'm rambling off topic again

I don't see many post (if any? can't remember) talking about "medium" support needs autistics. would I get along with them better? or would our needs and struggles still clash? dont know. but would be cool to relate at least if I saw more posts. writing this was too tiring. not going to proofread. hope makes sense and doesn't upset anyone because words are wrong and explained bad. but too tired to fix sorry. Just needed ramble for myself

[radioactivewisdom]

I'm sorry if this kind of message is upsetting or annoying, feel free to ignore it if it is, but I'm just so frustrated and tired of trying to go on and pretending it will be okay. Everyday I feel so exhausted and sick of having to put on a mask to get through the day, being at work and interacting with people even minimally drains every single ounce of energy from me and it doesn't even pay enough for me to move out of my mother's house. I'm already starting to deal with health problems from not taking care of my body, and I feel like nothing I do amounts to any change in my life. I hate excuses so I'm not trying to make excuses, I know I'm only reaping what I've sown for myself. But I don't know if I can actually change it at this point or be able to have the kind of life I want to have. Maybe if I had gotten myself together earlier, but I already threw away so much time and didn't take advantage of the privileges I was given. I find some comfort in the things I read in this circle about being happy alone, purity, etc. but I struggle to fully throw myself into it because most of it involves spirituality and I just don't believe in some of the core concepts. A lot of it makes sense to me if I think of it as a metaphor for what goes on in the world and not in a literal sense. Like karma, because for the most part I do believe people get what they deserve, but I also think random people do suffer from the mass depravity of others for no reason. It's true the world is exactly the way people want it to be and there's no other way it could have been unless people had wanted something different. Things like murder, rape, pedophilia etc exist because people think there being a next generation is worth these things existing, which is the karma itself if makes sense. I don't believe in some things, like reincarnation for example, in a literal sense. I struggle to believe that children are born into abuse bc of something they did in a past life. I can understand karma for adults because how we choose to react to the environment we were born into is within our control and we will keep suffering until we decide to face reality and choose peace. But children don't have control over their lives and I think children only suffer for their parents' karma. I don't know if it makes me a bad person but I really only feel bad for the things that happened to people as children because that's the one time they didn't choose to suffer. I think most children will grow up to be evil but I don't think it's the fault of their parents or the trauma. I think most humans are just inherently predators and were always going to be the way they are, and of course in a world full of predators plenty of them are going to be victims of each other. The logic most people have is that being a victim makes you less of a predator so they cling to the ways they have been victimized as a shield. It sounds bleak but if there's a point to life I think it's to realize that life is hell and to not create a new being to experience it. It frustrates me that you can't be honest about it and can't say anything about the world being hell and nature being hell and PEOPLE being hell without people getting defensive and acting like you're the crazy one. They expect you to look at all of the selfish, manipulative assholes of the world and to "love everyone," see the good in them and forgive them even though they don't deserve it, to look at all their filth and call it love. I feel like such a negative and hateful person sometimes but almost everything in the world is negative and worthy of hate. You have to look at it all and be willing to pretend it's good or you're the hateful one.

Not annoying or upsetting at all. I think expressing emotions, even anger and frustration is important. You should never try to force yourself to feel a certain way if it’s not genuine. I was actually angry for some time, and festered in it. It was really important on my journey of self improvement. Life can be disappointing, and initially recognizing the filth presented to us, can be demoralizing.

Starting small could potentially help you. I dove in and wanted to completely change my life overnight. This obviously didn’t happen, and made it seem like an impossible task. You have to give yourself grace and practice patience. You’ve built up a lifetime of thoughts and experiences, that is going to take time to change. I started by doing one positive thing for myself each day. It sounds cliche and obvious, but if you look around, even little things slip past us. I also encourage you to get to the bottom of your emotions, especially frustration.

You shouldn’t have to pretend. Although I’m able to think positively about my own life, I know that this world is a terrible place. I agree that not bringing another person here is the “purpose” for those of us with this mindset. I find great joy in that, knowing that I’m smart enough to see through the illusion and make a meaningful choice not to contribute because of it. Don’t let the mass delusion of faux positivity get to you, those people know what they’re saying is bullshit deep down. The ability to be honest with yourself and acknowledge reality is a gift, and at the very least will help keep yourself safe.

I encourage you to take your time. Which you have plenty of. Don’t let the idea that you’ve wasted too much of it stop you. I sat with my negative feelings for awhile before coming out on the other side. I was able to comfort myself with the fact that I was smart enough to wake up eventually. Some people never do, and that’s what motivated me the most. I see others everyday who are almost at the end of their lives, and still soaking up filth.

You’re already extremely self aware and shouldn’t waste that. You need to spend more time with yourself, and find ways to grow self esteem. The relationship you have with yourself will influence how you move through the world. I sincerely mean it when I say that your words resonated with me, and I can tell how intelligent you are. You have a perceptive mind, many don’t get that, you shouldn’t let it go to waste. Maybe even finding a medium in which you can express yourself, even the less positive aspects, can help you. Writing has been therapeutic for me for that reason. Journaling as well, sharing your insights, even if just for yourself :)

[galedekarios]

Hello! How are you? Thank you so much for your answers about BG3. I am a little bit frustrated because I try to get a glimpse of all thé romance but most of the videos are about Astarion which is totally okay don’t get me wrong but still. So thank you for providing us with some Gale content. Do you know any creators or people that romanced Wyll and Karlach because I saw à lot of négative comments about how Wyll romance is boring and got less content than the others. Thank you!

thank you for your message! i'm doing well at the moment and i hope you are, too. 🖤

i plan to make many more gale edits--especially of his romance--because i find it extremely well done on all accounts. i'm just trying to pace myself.

i have tried wyll's romance on a gale origin playthrough because with the choices that i picked, they just vibed really well together and wyll's approval and morals are very aligned with gale's own.

wyll's first romance scene, which you get in act ii, is actually incredibly sweet and i loved it very much. what i was a bit... disappointed with, i suppose, was the second romance scene in act iii, which felt very abrupt and just not at all on the same level as his previous one.

[spoilers below]

in his first romance scene in act ii, he shares a dance with the protag and it's just a joy to watch: it's beautifully animated, the music is amazing and i'm very sad it's not on the official soundtrack as far as i can tell.

the second romance scene you get in act iii feels... rushed and a bit out of the blue considering all that's going on. the animations are very janky. i don't know if it's due to being only rigged for a female body type at the moment or if it's a bug, but yes. that was the first thing that completely took me out of the scene. it's a really stark downgrade in quality, i think. i included screenshots because of this so you have a visual comparison of the level quality.

he basically takes you to a fabled old oak, growing near baldur's gate and he tells you a story that completely comes out of left field, picks up an acorn of said oak, tells you his mother always said there was a touch of wishing magic in it (again, it's completely out of the blue bc he never once mentioned his mother before and just doesn't match thematically with what's going on in his quest or the main quest). he then sort of proposes to you with that acorn--again, very sudden when all you did before was share a dance--and if you accept, then you get a kiss and a roll on the grass with a fade to black:

again, i cannot stress how rushed this scene feels, how unfinished and how short it is. i think it's a bit over a minute overall.

i'm very sad about it because the start of wyll's was very strong and he deserved better. all in all, i don't think wyll's romance suffers from being boring at all. his re-write is very good and i like his character a lot now compared to early access. what i do think it suffers from is that it feels rushed and has not received the same care and polish as some of the other companions have. there's little to explore in terms of how he feels about the protag even between those scenes compared to, say, gale's and, as i've heard, astarion's.

my next playthrough will perhaps explore karlach's romance. i'll definitely let you know how that goes!

anyhow, i'm sorry this got so long, but i hope it was helpful!

[katie-the-bug]

Another book without a plot.

The Remnant, Left Behind #10, was a deeply frustrating book.

Characters:

The Tribulation Force: Rayford Steele, pilot; Buck Williams, journalist; Chloe Williams, organizer, wife, and mother; Kenny Williams, infant; Tsion Ben-Judah, the greatest evangelist evah; Chaim Rosenzweig, Israeli convert; Mac McCullum, backup pilot; Abdullah Smith, backup to the backup pilot; Albie, former black-marketer; Chang Wong, IT guy on the inside; Steve Plank, Christian in disguise.

The Global Community: Nicolae Carpathia, Antichrist, risen lord and deity of the GC; Leon Fortunato, Satan's little helper; Viv Ivins, role unclear.

The book's subtitle is "On the Brink of Armageddon." Now, the last book ended slightly more than halfway into the seven-year Tribulation and this book picks up immediately after. That means this book will try to take us through roughly three years' worth of catastrophes, persecution, and general drama. Surely we won't suffer from a loss of detail as we hear about rather than see these events.

On the first page the narration refers to "the robe and sandals of an Egyptian" as though that's what all Egyptians wear all the time. (Lest we forget, this describes Rayford's attempt to disguise himself as an Egyptian. Well, that an a generous dose of brownface.)

The bombing of Petra in the last book unsurprisingly has zero effect, and Nicolae decides to take out his frustration on Jewish people in general. Is it not enough that he's the Antichrist, that they have to make him Hitler too?

There's still a handful of refugees in Petra who haven't converted to Christianity, which Tsion finds confusing despite having himself preached that God would mind-control people into refusing to convert.

Mac goes to Greece to try and rescue a Christian who was captured there, and, after he's sprung the guy, they're stopped at a roadblock by a soldier who asks to see their Marks of the Beast. Mac was disguised as a GC officer by a guy whose appearance-altering talents are praised to the high heavens, but he didn't even bother to get a fake Mark. It's pointed out again and again how getting a real Mark would damn him irrevocably to Hell, but no consequences are mentioned for faking one, other than the GC killing you if they find out - and they'll kill you if you don't have one anyway. While the Mark includes a biochip, we never see any Marks getting scanned, leading me to believe the GC is going off visuals alone. The Mark is both a tattoo and a chip, so I figure if you only got the tattoo, you don't really have the Mark. So why not get one and make your disguise foolproof?

The adventure in Greece ends in a Christian safehouse compromised and slaughtered, but Mac and his team make it out because Archangel Michael intervenes on their behalf. I bet everyone involved would have preferred he help the larger number of people who got killed, but whatever.

At the beginning of a lengthy speech in Chapter 13, Tsion refers to the Bible as "the only truly accurate history ever written." You gotta love the little bits of comedy they slip into these books.

He says the Biblical Flood "still boggles the minds of scientists who find fish bones at altitudes as high as fifteen thousand feet." I could give the authors the benefit of the doubt and assume they've never heard of plate tectonics, but these are grown, educated men I'm talking about. They know about plate tectonics, they just don't like it and thus decide to pretend it doesn't exist.

In a description of the coming paradise promised to believers, Tsion states that "the population will grow to greater than the number of all the people who have already lived and died up until now." That's over a hundred billion humans, and, while I've never gotten on overpopulation catastrophe train, I really don't think Earth can support that many people at a standard of living that could be described as "paradise." Tsion further claims that this number of people will be possible because there will be no war. Yes, war kills vast numbers of people, but you know what kills even more? Disease and starvation, especially on the scale that would occur if there were a hundred billion people on the planet.

"How could you not love the God the prophets describe?" God has been killing people with wild abandon since the beginning of this series and intends to condemn most people to eternal suffering for not saying some magic words. Next question please.

Tsion says God is "working in people to get them to make a decision." He never says God will work in people to make the right one, which is accurate given how many times he's said God will "harden people's hearts" and force them to condemn themselves.

"Whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved." Unless you've taken the Mark of the Beast. Then you're outta luck.

Steve learns that he is expected to take the Mark, and Chang offers to change his file so that it looks like he's already taken it. Steve says that "would be like my choosing the Mark" and thus immoral. I will never understand these characters' aversion to faking the Mark.

Steve's friend Vasily, a GC guy who's taken the Mark but regrets it, offers to help Steve escape. Steve's refusal is irrelevant to the fact that Vasily is still willing to do good despite knowing God has rejected him. Perhaps we're supposed to see the Christians as paragons of selflessness for *checks notes* dying, but they know they've got a reward coming. Vasily doesn't, but he's willing to risk his position and his life. That's real selflessness.

Throughout the second half of the book we get randomly placed time skips of a few months each, some of which are in the middle of chapters. The "Great Tribulation" happening in this book is allegedly the worst period in human history - would it kill the authors to focus on it a little?

The GC is starting to fracture, but nobody tries to assassinate Nicolae because they think he'll resurrect. The people vying for power are supposed to be evil geniuses - wouldn't they try something like burying Nicolae under tons of concrete so that when he resurrects he can't get out of his coffin? Maybe stick his body in acid so that when he comes back he immediately starts dying again? You've got options, dammit!

We get a couple more plagues - freshwater turning to blood and a deadly heatwave. The heat is so intense that the ocean is literally boiling and buildings spontaneously combust. That combined with the fact that no living thing has anything to drink, and you have yet another scenario where realistically, everyone and everything should be dead. Of course, the authors could never be convicted of realism.

I'm glad the authors have dropped the angle that the judgements are God's way of getting people's attention. Now they're saying that the plagues are God's way of thinning out the evil population to make the final battle more even. Lemme run that by you again: God, allegedly omnipotent, needs to kill off his enemies before he fights them to make things more even. Can the authors just admit that God is killing people for fun?

During the deadly heatwave, Nicolae goes sunbathing. This has nothing to do with anything, but it is funny.

If you thought the ideas in this book were frustrating, wait until you see Armageddon.

[nanamiscocksleeve]

Any tips on starting a tumblr blog thing? I wanna start writing but im nervous about it

-🎃

Hello pumpkin anon!

Well, let me just put my experience so far and what I've learned here. I am honestly not a very professional writer, I ignore a lot grammar rules, and do a lot of unhinged writing. That being said, congrats on wanting to write!

This blog is relatively new. I think I posted The Office Pet back in April, and I mainly did it because I had that crazy idea festering in my head but I was sure if I put it on another platform, I would be judged heavily for it. I did it for fun, and to enact out how deeply infatuated I am with Kento, to the point that I wanted to be his office pet and just have a life of debauched sex and riches with him.

I don't think my blog is wildly successful or popular, but the interaction with my readers makes it very satisfying. I honestly didn't expect Thirsty Weekends and that one single one-shot (we all know which one 😆) to blow up to this point and it's fun to see where my creativity will take me each time. And overall, I like being a safe space for people to simp and explore their darkest fantasies with their F/O's. I didn't have that growing up and most people in my life thought I was stupid for being so infatuated with anime characters.

I was scared when I posted The Office Pet. It was a lot of extreme fetishes compared to the smut seen here and I seriously thought I would get a lot of hate for it, but lo and behold, there are lots of people just as depraved as I am! I would've never found them if I hadn't gotten over my nerves and posted.

So all I'll say is, write for fun. People can tell when you're trying to be pretentious and are only interested in getting notes and followers vs someone who is here for fun and just has shocking ideas that you want to share with the world. Write things that interest you, and don't force things that don't vibe with you (there's a delete button for a reason).

And don't get discouraged when things don't get notes. A common complaint I keep seeing on here is that work isn't getting enough notes and something about the Tumblr algorithm. I mean, if that is the case, how do you fight an algorithm? I know it can be frustrating, but I do try to boost people whose stuff might not be doing well (pay attention to my reblogging spree posts! I open my inbox now and then for users to submit their work or other work that they think needs a little attention.) No notes does not equal bad writer. It just means the Tumblr robot is stupid.

One thing that's helped me from burning out is writing when I'm actually into it. It's like having sex, if you're not feeling it, you'll be very disappointed. I only write when I'm relaxed and can commit a good chunk of time because I find that if I try to constantly put out stuff, my writing quality suffers, my ideas become jumbled, and I'm left with this feeling that I'm not a good writer. And it also detracts me from other hobbies that I enjoy. Don't become obsessed with needing to write very frequently for fear that you'll become irrelevant if you don't.

You can only post a fic per month? Great! Do it! Oh, you have more time and can do once a week? Fantastic! Didn't post anything this month? IT'S OK PEOPLE WHO LIKE YOUR WORK WILL ALWAYS THINK OF YOU WHETHER IT'S 5 OR 500. Sometimes, I'm too stressed to write, which is when I like to do games or confessions, which makes me feel like I can be in touch with my readers even when I'm not writing.

So yeah. My biggest advice is to have fun with it, not feel like you're on a clock, to only write things that genuinely interest you, and to not worry about notes. And don't be nervous. This is Tumblr, people are always looking for other crazy people to hang with.

Hope this helps! And I hope you'll post someday!

[morgenlich]

i do want to preface this by saying that overall i really did enjoy the good place, i think it's a fun show that's given me more to chew on than i expected it to. but part of that chewing is definitely me thinking about things i think it could have done better....

i already joked that it's over with supernatural in terms of things that are very deeply american protestant and seem to lack self-awareness of this.....characters keep refuting the idea that it's not christian heaven or hell, and it's not really but also the concept of an eternal Good Place where super virtuous people are rewarded forever and an eternal Bad Place where anyone shy of perfect gets tortured by demons forever. well.

i think overall though my biggest criticism of the show is that it's very....safe. this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it makes it very enjoyable to watch, but i think there's something missing in the criticism of the idea of a Good Place or Bad Place. now, mind you, i am coming at this from a perspective that totally rejects the concept of an eternal Good Place or Bad Place existing in the first place, which i'll elaborate on throughout the rest of this but yeah.

i think one of the things that gets me is that the main characters are like...none of them are really evil, except michael in the beginning and that's mostly played for laughs and it's also kind of a different situation with him being a demon and all lol. like yeah, eleanor and jason especially were kinda scummy people, and eleanor was even kind of aware of the fact that she was and jason suffers from being the idiot friend in the sitcom which means he has like zero brain cells.

anyway point is like, i don't think any of the main four humans really are going to like, really challenge people's ideas of whether or not the Bad Place should even exist at all, and the show also wasn't really going for that, and that sort of frustrates me because i'm just fundamentally opposed to the idea of Eternal Torture even for the worst of the worst. like. even if you uphold that an amount of torture as retribution for evil in the afterlife, assuming it exists, is a good and just thing (which is also something i fundamentally oppose), then like. for eternity??? that's a very long time! it feels like, even for like the Absolute Worst Humans, the sentence far far outweighs the crime!

but anyway it just doesn't feel very...challenging, that the main four humans were like, kinda scummy people, who absolutely did harm others (but pretty much only emotional harm, overall, none of them were ever violent) but like i would absolutely never call evil. like, ok, eleanor's job on earth was trying to scam old people out of money by convincing them to buy useless supplements. not exactly any points (heh) in her favor but also like idk, she had bills to pay and it was a job. not saying that it's harmless (i actually think it's worse than the show kinda makes it out to be?) but like, i don't think many people would necessarily think that she actually deserves to be in the Bad Place for it either?

i think the show would have been more interesting if there had been someone who had actually been more, like, hashtag problematic in the main cast who of course ends up learning and growing and so on, but someone who seems to really belong in the Bad Place (i think this would also make the initial Torture Scheme--which i did think was a brilliant way to write psychological torture btw lmao--more interesting. someone who is both bad and self aware enough to really think from the beginning that they shouldn't be allowed into the Good Place, and trying desperately to cover that up...maybe confronting their guilt over like the murder or whatever that they committed....). i think it'd make the tone of the show a bit less goofy, but imo that's not necessarily a bad thing either

[toldbytendo]

"here lie the ashes: releasing the ideal of black love and embracing reality"

In this post, I'm going to be talking about love. I don't know why, because I've got ten thousand other things to be focusing on in my life, but the lover girl in me is dying inside and I need to talk about it.

I know I'm not alone when I say that dating, relationships, talking stages are one of the worst things about navigating romantic relationships in this life, like one of the *worst* things ever, with it's infamous talking stage that seems in essence to be a contest of 'who can act like they don't care the most', or social media's standard of what constitutes the 'bare minimum' that for whatever reason we all need to abide by, I could go on, but the point is, it sucks.

It's insane to me that we have all these ways of connecting socially and digitally and yet genuine connections feel so much harder to come by. We've all become so incapable of having deep, meaningful conversations, romance appears dead, and it's all so very very frustrating. But, that's actually not what I'm here to talk about.

Today, I'm in mourning, *cue drama*, if I had one, I'd be wearing a Morticia Adams coded dress, maybe a veil for some drama and holding a bouquet of dead roses (not black roses - *dead* roses), yes - it's that deep. I'm mourning the loss of an ideal, a notion, a fairytale if you so wish. As is the nature on this blog, this sacred little corner of the internet of mine, this article represents an outpour of clogged, internal suffering, and stifled emotion from not being able to burst into tears in my family home anywhere but silently under my blanket in my tiny room, where no-one can hear me cry (I'm feeling very dramatic right now) and I've decided to share this rather painful revelation with anyone who might be reading, (I applaud anyone for being able to get this far, hats off to you.) I thought about adding a little PSA that this obviously doesn't apply to all Black men but I'm tired of feeling like I need to do that, I think that goes without saying and if you don't think it does then this isn't the place for you.

I am mourning the notion of 'Black love'. Yes, I know, it sounds insane. I'm not even sure I'm saying what I'm trying to say correctly anymore but who cares. I'm mourning Black love. I feel like I've always been taught to hold onto the ideal of Black love - that nineties kind of romance that shows like 'My Wife and Kids' and Martin + Gina' tried to sell us, where people that understood each other in a way that only someone who looks just like you truly can, that sees beauty in your skin because it's the same love they have for their own, that celebrate Blackness in all it's difficult but equally glorious forms with you.

For the longest time, this has been my dream. I've imagined my ideal relationship with a gorgeous dark-skinned man, sharing our culture, raising a beautiful Black daughter who would grow up seeing herself reflected in her parents' love and adoration. But lately, I've found myself wanting to let go of this notion-and it's not because I've decided that Black men are bad people universally, or that they deserve anything bad. It's simply because I cannot find it in myself to hold onto a dream based off nothing. When I was younger, I could dream like that because there was no experience to support it, just a little girl who loved Disney and wanted a man with the same colour skin as her to make her feel like a princess for the rest of her life, but I'm ready to let that go, because the twenty-three year old woman writing this article does have experiences, and she can't keep pretending that they haven't completely altered her desire and hope that Black love will always prevail.

I've been processing this feeling for quite a few days now, potentially even weeks and I've decided that I'm in mourning, I'm grieving, I'm laying this beautiful ideal of what I thought my idea of love should look like, to rest. The reality is that dating Black men has been filled with its own set of trials and tribulations, I've encountered men who aren't emotionally available, who don't value commitment, or who carry their own traumas so close to the surface that they haven't begun to heal and project that in their encounters with women. The experience of dating Black men has been to say, disheartening. I've held onto this ideal so tightly and so close to my heart, that the hurt is magnified. The experiences I've gone through have shattered the perception that I first entered the world of dating with, perhaps that was my first mistake, having any sort of expectation, nonetheless ones that were founded on nineties romantic comedies but how was a little girl with a love for television and romance to know what awaited her on the other side.

Letting go of the dream of Black love feels like letting go of a piece of myself. It's hard to accept the possibility that my ideal relationship may not look like what I imagined. It's hard to think about my future daughter and what lessons she'll learn about love and relationships from me, and how I may not be able to pass onto her the same beautiful notion that I once believed Black love to be. Growing up, movies and television provided such a beautiful comfort in this world with Black love, it was portrayed as this amazing, unbreakable bond, it felt like such a given, after all, as the daughter of a Black man and woman, and niece, granddaughter and cousin of so many others, what reason did I have to believe that Black love could be anything other than...easy, something I could rely on. But now, as I reflect on my experiences, it's difficult to ignore that most of the disrespect, pain and rejection I've endured in this world has come from Black men. It's even harder to hold onto this beautiful ideal when I'm constantly surrounded by so much on social media showing Black men not respecting, protecting or advocating for Black woman in the way I was shown in movies and television when I was younger. Seeing this reality day in and day out chips away at the hope and optimism that I once had for Black love.

Admitting this is painful, writing this is painful, I really do feel like I'm mourning a part of my identity, even now, I can feel a slither of hope, a refusal to accept my own words as I write them, as my mind begins to bring every beautiful Black couple I can name from the internet to the forefront of my mind, an ideal I'd cherished for so long, even manifested in my stories, in pinterest boards, in my social media following. I struggle with feelings of self-worth, questioning whether I'm asking for too much or if my standards are too high. But I know I deserve a love that is respectful, protective, peaceful and unwavering.

The rampant internalised self-hatred within Black communities, especially amongst Black men adds fuel to the fire in my heart. This self-hate stemming from societal perceptions, feels manifested in the experiences myself and other Black women have had with Black men. In my own experience, I've found that this inability to love themselves and their skin colour translates into how I've been treated emotionally. I once knew a Black guy that told me he dates both Black women and White women. He admitted that White women didn't have to be a ten out of then-they could be mid or basic looking, they had that permission. However, if he dated Black women, they had to be perfect, ten out of ten, all the time, looking good, body set good, just everything. This comparison highlights a painful reality: Black women have to work twice as hard to be considered beautiful to some Black men and that's just an insane concept to me that I'm so *so* done being told to accept.

Why is this such a common theme with Black men? It often feels like we're being punished for being Black women. This societal conditioning that places White/Eurocentric beauty on a pedestal seeps deep into our communities, affecting how Black men perceive and value Black women. It's disheartening and exhausting to always feel like we have to be the best of the best to be valued.

Thoughts of my future daughter add another layer to this conflict. How much harder will it be to explain racism, discrimination and prejudice to my her when she may not even have a foundation of Black love in her own home? It's a tough and conflicting thought, one that raises so many questions in my head of how interracial families actually navigate these conversations. I've always wanted my daughter to see and experience the beauty of Black love in the same way that I had growing up, but more than that, I want her to understand her worth and not settle for less than what she deserves, even if it means stepping outside the boundaries of what I once thought was essential.

Maybe letting go is necessary, maybe it's time to broaden my horizons and be open to love in whatever form it comes. it's a tough pill to swallow but perhaps it's the only way to find genuine, fulfilling love in this complicated dating landscape.

This isn’t some article begging Black men to love Black women as they are. This is about us, Black women, living boldly and beautifully, being comfortable with who we are. This isn’t about forcing an agenda or trying to 'bring back' Black love. If anything, it’s the opposite. This is me laying to rest an ideal that I’ve long since held onto but desperately need to let go of.

Black women, myself included, are beautiful and perfect just as we are. Letting go of the notion of Black love is me letting go of the idea of struggle love. I can't continue to exhaust myself for an ideal of love that lacks evidence or support.

I want Black men who love non-Black women to do so wholeheartedly, and for those who already do, to continue doing so. This isn’t about holding onto something that isn’t working. It’s about recognizing our worth, our beauty, and letting go of the struggle. It’s about moving forward, finding genuine love, and being open to whatever form it takes.

Let’s continue to live our truths, embrace our worth, and find love that respects and cherishes us for who we are.

RIP Black love—you will be missed, but I’m moving on. To all my sisters out there, let's keep living our truths, embracing our worth, and finding love that truly respects and cherishes us for who we are.

Date of Death - 25/06/2024

#blackwomen#blacklove#blackgirlmagic#genzdating#blackwomanhood#datingstruggles#relationshipgoals#selfworth#loveandrelationships#blackcommunity#blackexcellence#sisterhood#loveyourself#blackempowerment#interracialdating#selflove#blackvoices#healingjourney#datingingenz#realtalk#blackmen#blackmasculinity#blackbrotherhood#blackidentity#blackmanhood#dating#modernlove#relationshipadvice#datingadvice#singleslife#datinglife#romance#love#relationshipproblems#datingculture

[redheadbigshoes]

i wish more people who support the concept or bi or m-spec lesbians would stop and consider just for a moment WHY lesbians might be so upset about people implying or outright saying that we can like men. these people (and people in general tbh) seem to think we're only oppressed for liking women, when, personally, i've faced way more hostility, aggression, and weaponized "ignorance" over the fact that i do not like men. (before anyone twists my words, i'm NOT saying lesbians have it worse than bi women/nonbinary people, because they also experience a unique axis of oppression that lesbians don't by being attracted to all genders. our experiences overlap, but they are different, and it's okay for both parties to talk about that)

growing up, i was terrified of the concepts of marriage, sex, romance, and love since everyone around me only spoke of my future experiences with these things under the rigid assumption that my partner would be a man. i tried telling them i'd rather be single forever (i had yet to realize i was "allowed" to be gay), and they always insisted that i would grow up and change my mind, which made me even more terrified. they presented partnership with a man as something that was an inevitable, unavoidable part of my future. i'm lucky to have had a (mostly) supportive environment when i finally discovered that i felt this way because i'm a lesbian, and i can happily say i'm no longer afraid of those things since i now know i can have them without a man, but holy shit, do people not get how traumatizing that is? to be a young person only able to concieve of love as a weapon to be wielded against you?

lesbophobia from cishet people is one thing, but when it's coming from my fellow lgbt people, who i come to for love, support, protection, and companionship after being isolated in my daily life as a result of my lesbianism (and being autistic and gnc), it's just ... unspeakably cruel. i don't think most or them fully realize what they're doing - i'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and say most of them are just young people that believe they're doing the right thing - but that doesn't excuse this level of violence, especially with how quickly the notion has become popular. they should know better.

also like. not to mention how fast they'll throw trans women and trans lesbians under the bus to dunk on "mono" lesbians but that's another conversation.

A lot of them don’t want to think for a few seconds why we’re so upset about it. They don’t want to recognize and accept our lack of attraction to men because a lot of them are misogynistic, they don’t think there’s people out there who are not attracted to men. It’s not a coincidence that “mspec lesbian” supporters are most likely the same ones saying everyone is bi.

This is what happens with every type of prejudice. People who don’t experience certain thing are less likely to sympathize with people who do face that. Therefore they think we’re exaggerating or that it’s not real because they don’t face it. The saddest thing is that other marginalized people should be able to sympathize with other prejudices because they face oppression.

And lesbians suffer a very unique type of oppression because it’s directly connected to both homophobia and misogyny. Just like you said: we’re not trying to say we have it worse than other sapphics, we’re just trying to make people listen to us and take lesbophobia seriously. And what I say might be controversial but from my experience observing other people it does feel like lesbophobia is taken less seriously than other prejudices related to the LGBTQ+ community. Especially because it’s a very ignored and erased oppression since people immediately box us with gays by calling what we face homophobia when sometimes is a way more specific oppression than that.

It’s frustrating because most of queer lesbophobes are also fighting other kinds of oppression, but they’re actively silencing and promoting lesbophobia. A lot of people might not agree with me but I think they deserve all the hate and oppression they get, very hypocritical wanting to stop [insert phobia] while promoting others.

[djeterg19]

Ok, so I was chatting on the bird app about why I generally hate third act breakups and it kinda inspired this post. First, conflict is necessary in any drama. The issue that comes up with many third act breakups is that they are often forced or contrived. Or the response is disproportionate to whatever issue comes up. Often it's caused by a lack of communication or a miscommunication.

I'm supposed to believe these two characters are in love but won't talk with or listen to the other person when they try to explain what happened or how they are feeling? Or they see or overhear something and, without speaking with the other person, jump immediately to wanting to break up and then refuse to give them a second chance. Or, and this might be the one I hate the most, they decide they know what's best for their love interest and break up because they don't want to hold them back. You should not be deciding what is best for someone else. People are capable of deciding for themselves what to prioritize in their life. You might think that specific job or going to school is the most important thing but someone else might think a family, friends, or love is more important to them. Because there are plenty of jobs or schools but family and love are irreplaceable.

And if they are so willing to throw the entire relationship away without communicating, how am I supposed to believe that the reunion or their feelings are genuine? Did they learn or grow from the situation? Or is it just cheap conflict to make the last episode have suspense? Why am I supposed to believe they are in love when they don't try reaching out to try resolving whatever the issue is? If your answer to the first big fight or issue your relationship encounters is to dump the other person and refuse to even talk to them...it just does not work for me character wise or plot wise. I can understand yelling and fighting in the moment but I cannot understand someone taking time to think and reflect and not even trying to patch things up or make things work with someone they truly love in most circumstances. And characters and relationships can be tested without forcing the characters apart through forced drama. They can have adult conversations where they can decide that they need to work on x, y, or x but won't cut all communication because they are important to each other. It can be outside forces that cause issues that actually strengthens their bond by forcing them to work together to overcome the odds. Or maybe one of them suffers a setback or struggles with something that is the big drama but they are there for each other and help each other through whatever comes up. Honestly my absolute favorite conflict in a BL was Kawi getting sick in Be My Favorite. It's realistic. It's traumatic. It produced drama AND utilized the time travel element in a great way.

Also the timing is frustrating. Because, with BLs especially, the third act breakup doesn't even happen in the third act. It happens in episode 11 generally. One episode is not the fourth act of a 12 episode series. For it to be a third act breakup, it would need to happen around episode 9 or 10 at the latest. But it almost never does and the ending is almost never satisfying because they have to cram too much into one episode to resolve things. I personally would prefer if such drama was done earlier so that the last episode could be reserved for seeing the happy ending that most of these shows promise. I don't want to spend 12 episodes with a pairing and only have 5 minutes showing them happy at the end. That is generally not satisfying to me.