#blackwomanhood

[instructionsonback]

“Black Woman’s Discovery”

9” x 12”

[toldbytendo]

𝑀𝑒𝑛 𝐴𝑟𝑒 𝐵𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼’𝑚 𝑇𝑖𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑃𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑇𝘩𝑒𝑦’𝑟𝑒 𝑁𝑜𝑡 🙃

I saw a tiktok the other day of a woman saying she had to sacrifice her self-expression just to date men, and I have never resonated with a notion so deeply in my entire life. Because—and I say this knowing that if I ever dared utter these words outside my little Tumblr safe haven, I’d be CANCELLED—men are genuinely so boring. Like, I don’t know how else to explain it. I find them so incredibly uninteresting, so lacking in depth, and honestly? Just extremely negative.

And I’d like to use my most recent case study in: What I Do Not Want in a Man (cue entry: 𝑀𝑟 𝐶𝑜𝑑 𝑀𝑜𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑒).

Before I get into it, let’s establish something. I am a lover girl. Romance occupies my life in so many ways—not in a “I centre men” kind of way, because let’s be real, I absolutely do not—but just in that I love love. I love romance in every form. Romantic K-dramas? Obsessed. Disney movies with a love story? Sign me up. Romance novels, Bridgerton, Jane Austen adaptations (Persuasion had me in a chokehold), Queen Charlotte—if it has love in it, I want it. And not just romantic love, but all love. Platonic love, familial love, the love between friends, the love of a home-cooked meal, the love of a hobby that lights your soul on fire. Love is beautiful, and I have no shame in saying I want to experience it in all its forms.

**lover girls, let us gather here and cry**

Now, 𝑀𝑟 𝐶𝑜𝑑 𝑀𝑜𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑒—the latest guest star on On This Month's Episode of 𝑀𝑒𝑛 𝐴𝑟𝑒 𝑀𝑎𝑑—for whatever reason, he really disliked this about me. I’m convinced. There was one conversation I remember so vividly where this man looked me in the eye (well, as much as you can over a screen) and said, “You know love isn’t real, right?”

Yeah.

Let’s pause here for a second. Imagine.

A man. In this economy. Telling me love isn’t real. I know, right?

Insane.

But wait—he doubled down. He followed it up with, “You never really know if people truly love you.” And then, he gave me a very personal and honestly traumatic story to support his stance.

Now, let’s be clear. I am not here to minimise what he confided in me. It was deep. It was sad. I can acknowledge that. But I also need to make my point here. Because let’s be real: the gaslighting and manipulation were top tier. Because how does one even argue against such a personal, tragic experience? You can’t. That’s the point. He laid it out like checkmate, like his trauma was supposed to be the universal law on love.

But it wasn’t that his opinion offended me. It was that he refused to accept my love of love. He was actively trying to break it down, like he wanted me to concede so badly that love isn’t real, or true, or possible. Like… why? Why was it so important for me to not believe in something that brings me joy? Why was it bothering him that I believe in love?

And the thing is, it’s not just 𝑀𝑟 𝐶𝑜𝑑 𝑀𝑜𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑒. This is something I’ve observed in so many men. It’s the negativity, the cynicism, the absolute lack of joy or wonder in anything. It’s like they aren’t just boring—they fundamentally lack the ability to love things properly. Not just people, but life itself. It’s like nothing they do is done with real spark, or passion, or excitement.

And honestly? I think this is why men are so bad at actually learning women. I’m convinced. Because one thing I know about women—observations, personal experience, group chat data, everything—is that when a woman truly likes someone, she wants to know everything. She wants to know your ticks, your passions, what makes you angry, what makes you soft, what drives you, what you want out of life. It’s like 101 Dalmatians but with questions, and the thing is, that curiosity is what fuels the relationship. That attention to detail is what makes love exciting.

Meanwhile, men? They think “knowing you” means memorising your Starbucks order and remembering you have a dog. Ask them what you do for work, what your dream is, what brings you joy? Crickets. Because how can boring people fathom the sheer joy women experience in the little things? How can they possibly understand the absolute euphoria of buying yourself flowers, of rereading your favourite book, of knowing your skincare is working because your face is glowing? The sheer pleasure of being in bed by 9pm, freshly showered, your room smelling like vanilla and sandalwood, ice water in your Stanley mug, your favourite pyjamas on, your show queued up, or your current read open and ready?

Men don’t get that. Because men don’t let themselves enjoy things like that. And I’m not saying they don’t have hobbies or interests, but let’s be real—women are expected to tone it down a little bit. Our joy, our passions, our excitement about life? We have to shrink it so men don’t feel like they have to do anything.

And I think that’s what’s exhausting. That’s the part that feels so unrewarding. Because it’s not even a trade-off. It’s not like, “Okay, I’ll sacrifice this, so in return, I’ll get that.” There’s no 50/50, no 70/30. It’s just women needing to dim themselves, their light, their spark, their joy, just to let men exist.

Like, let me give you another example. A man, a big 25-year-old grown man, asked me out on a date. He lives in a different city, right? And he said he wanted to drive to see me and “take me out.”

Do you know what this man’s idea of a date was?

A drive-through.

I’ll pause.

I’ll let you scream.

I’ll let you kick your feet and wonder if I’m ugly

(I promise I’m not).

But this is what I mean. The implied energy was, “I’m already driving all this way to see you, and since we aren’t close enough for me to actually treat you, let’s just keep it casual.” Because, spoiling, effort, love—that’s all reserved for later. You have to earn it first. And the worst part? Women are told to let men lead.

Girl…men will lead you straight to hell. Don’t do it.

I don’t care what society says about “femininity” or “softness.” I’m not dimming myself so a man can feel comfortable existing at his baseline. If he can’t match my energy—if he can’t love things, enjoy things, cherish things—he can go.

Because men will always start at the bare minimum and upgrade you later, like love is a subscription service where you have to unlock premium benefits. Meanwhile, women are expected to be soft and kind and understanding from the start.

This is what I mean when I say men are boring. And this is why I refuse to make myself smaller just to make them feel bigger.

[infinitelikemathematics]

35 times around the 🌞

[ewelethemystic]

I love her so much! She is class, elegance, power, focus and beauty in one package! I hope I grow to emulate my energy the same way!! ⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ #blackbeauty #blackculture #blackexcellence #blackgirls #blackgirlsrock #blackhistory #blackisbeautiful #blacklove #blackmen #blackowned #blackownedbusiness #blackpeople #blackpower #blackpride #blackqueen #blackwoman #blackwomanempowerment #blackwomanentrepreneur #blackwomanhood #blackwomanmagic #blackwomanownedbusiness #blackwomans #blackwomantravel #blackwomen #braids #darkskin #melaninmagic #melaninonfleek #melaninpoppin #melaninqueen https://www.instagram.com/p/CUVjbvkJ_lK/?utm_medium=tumblr

[angielifecoach]

Homeschool Mommas and Homemakers remember in trying times where your help comes from. Pslams 121 1-8 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.The LORD watches over you-- the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life;8the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. #godlywives #godlywife#blackhomeschoolmom #blackwomenhomemake #melaninmoms #christianmom #blackmoms #blackchristianmom #christianhomeschoolmom #homeschoolmom #blackhomeschoolers #melaninatedmoms #christianmoms #blackhomemakers #blackmom #christianwife #blackwomanhood #blackhomeschoolmom #blackwivesmatter #homeschoolmoma #christianhomeschool #homeschoolingmoma #femininehomemaker #wehomeschooltoo #blackhomemaker #blackwives https://www.instagram.com/p/CSZJOmArGsK/?utm_medium=tumblr

[tiphaniedyme]

Reposted from @thelaurenperson Sis. “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (Proverbs 4:23) Be aware of those who chip away at your confidence. Become sensitive to what specific people do to your spirit. Train yourself to notice when certain people do or say things that make you feel bad. Take note, so that you can later strategize how to combat their actions with God’s Word and the good things He says about you. #blackchristianinfluencers #blackgirlfashion #blacklove #blackwomanhood #knowyourworththenaddtax #christianmarriage #christiandating #christiansingles #godlydating #proverbs31woman #blockgamestrong #datingadvice #christiandatingadvice Follow Me For More Posts: @Tiphanie_Dyme https://www.instagram.com/p/CSIMaASh26Q/?utm_medium=tumblr

[harvardfineartslib]

“This whole notion of the disappeared, I think, is something that runs through my work. I’m very interested in absence and presence in the way that particularly black women’s experience and black women’s contribution to culture are so often erased and marginalized. So that it’s important for me as an individual, and obviously as a black woman artist, to put black women back in the center of the frame—both literally within the photographic image, but also within the cultural institutions where our work operates.” – Maud Sulter.

Women artists have been marginalized in art history and cultural institutions at large. In particular, women artists of color have had a hard time entering into the art world and having their work be recognized and appreciated.

The artists represented in this book, “Black Womanhood: Images, Icons, and Ideologies of the African Body,” interrogate the representation of black female body in their work. The book explores how historical icons inform our perception of black female body, and how contemporary artists respond to the historical view on black female body by examining such themes as beauty, fertility, sexuality, maternity, and women’s power in society.

1) Image of cover.  Work pictured is Maud Sulter's "Terpsichore", 1989

2) 2 page spread. Left shows Kara Walker's artist's book "Freedom: A Fable; A Curious Interpretation of the Wit of a Negress in Troubled Times," 1997. Right: Fazal Sheik, 1993-2002 photograph "Amina Alia Abdi and her son Mohammed, feeding center, Somali refugee camp, Mandera, Kenya."

3) 2 page spread. Left shows Carrie Mae Weems's "Untitled (From Here I Saw What Happened and I Cried)", 1995-96.  Right shows Alison Saar's "Caché", 2006

Black womanhood : images, icons, and ideologies of the African body edited by Barbara Thompson ; with essays by Ifi Amadiume ... [et al.]. Hanover, N.H. : Hood Museum of Art, Dartmouth College ; Seattle : In association with University of Washington Press, c2008. 374 p. : ill. (some col.) ; 31 cm. English Issued in connection with an exhibition held Mar. 8-Sept. 7, 2008, Hood Museum of Art, Dartmouth College, Hanover, New Hampshire, and at later dates, Davis Museum, Wellesley College, Wellesley, Massachusetts, and San Diego Museum of Art, San Diego, California. c2008 HOLLIS number: 990114140520203941

[cozygirl-lj]

🧡Motherhood🧡

[therainbowtimes]

#LoveIsLove • • • #queerblackmoms #samesexparents #qpoc #lesbians #blackqueens #beautifulmoms #therainbowtimes #rainbowtimesmagazine #lgbtqmedia #lgbtq🌈 #youmatter #Repost @blacklgbtqmoms ・・・ #BlackLGBTQMoms #BlackWoman #BlackWomanhood #BlackMotherhood #BlackMoms #BlackMomsBlog #BrownGirlBloggers #BlackMomMagic #BlackMomsBreastfeed #BlackFemme #TeamTwoMoms #LGBTFamily #QueerMom #QueerParenting #Coparenting #GirlMom #QWOC (at Providence, Rhode Island) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7FDc_4gCei/?igshid=1vxhzvsth0dcy

[mommyingwhileblack-blog]

In an effort to showcase stories of Black Motherhood during these extraordinary times, and combat the "bad Mom " crowd, I asked 30+ Black mothers to describe their time in quarantine in 3-4 word and to be as transparent as possible. The response was amazing! The theme very clear, but I'll let you decide. Every Monday and Wednesday we will feature a new Mom. No long stories, just their picture and honest feelings on Motherhood ❤ Black Motherhood🖤 During Quarantine💚 Enjoy! If you're interested in being a part of this important project, follow the link in my bio! #blackmothehood #blackwomanhood #Blackmotherhoodintimesofquarantine #Blackwomen #blackmothers #blackgirlmagic #blackjoy #beautyineverything #blackblogsmatter https://www.instagram.com/p/CBdM8F9JLho/?igshid=5f83dl3wfldk

[toldbytendo]

"𝑛𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑖𝑐𝑟𝑜𝑝𝘩𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑠: 𝘩𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑜𝑔𝑦𝑛𝑜𝑖𝑟 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑖𝑡𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 — 𝑖𝑡’𝑠 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑝𝑜𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑒𝑛𝑠𝑒𝑠." 🙄

Hey lovelies,

I’m tired and I wanna talk about it…🤦🏾‍♀️

Podcast licenses should most definitely be a thing. Honestly, if this is the kind of content that "free speech" allows, maybe we need to rethink it altogether. Imagine the peace we'd have if people (men) needed approval before being handed a mic—because right now, it seems like anyone (men) with an internet connection and a bad opinion gets a platform. If a little censorship could keep this kind of nonsense rubbish out of our ears, it may be worth it!

Watching the recent controversy unfold with James and Fuhad from Shxts and Gigs has actually really irritated and annoyed me. James and Fuhad’s comments about Black women weren’t just offhand or "jokes." They were rooted in a long-standing pattern of dehumanising, belittling, and degrading Black women in ways that are too familiar to ignore. I saw their apology, if you can even call it that, and I was left wondering—do they really believe they did something wrong, or are they just trying to calm the storm? When Andrew joined in, laughing at their apology on his own platform, it only made it worse. This is the circle we keep going around in. Men laughing at other men for even attempting to apologise for their wrongdoing, while we, Black women, are left sitting with the pain of being torn apart by the same people we would naturally expect to come to our defence.

First and foremost, it’s absolutely nobody’s place besides Black women to tell us how we should feel about this controversy. We were the ones disrespected and degraded, and it is entirely our right to process and cope with that in whatever way we see fit. Whether that means speaking out, stepping back, or holding onto our anger for as long as we need, it’s not up to anyone else—especially not Black men or those defending these actions—to dictate how we react. We are the offended party here, and we deserve the space to feel, grieve, and respond on our own terms.

My initial thoughts were simple: we (Black women) need to stop expecting Black men with microphones, who *very clearly* do not like Black women, to run to our defense. I’ve spent too much time hoping for the men in our community to step up and recognise the harm they perpetuate, but the truth is, many of them simply won’t. They don’t have the emotional maturity, nor the desire, or mental capacity to understand the nuances of what it means to be a Black woman in this world.

But my perspective has since shifted. It’s not just about expecting them to be ‘pro-Black’ or ‘pro-Black women’. That’s too idealistic at this point. It’s about speaking up against blatant racism and disrespect, especially when it’s directed at women in their own community. This isn’t about policing preference. I truly support and encourage anyone, Black men included to love who they love, wholeheartedly. It’s literally not about who you’re attracted to. It’s about the line that gets crossed when Black women are made to feel inferior, unworthy, and less-than in the eyes of Black men who have been indoctrinated with the same anti-Blackness that white supremacy relies on. You can quite literally see it playing out in this situation, Andrew (a known misogynist, racist and white suprematist) is quite literally getting exactly what he hoped out of this situation.

We’re not even talking about accountability anymore. At this point, it’s about survival. We truly deserve better, but I personally can no longer waste my energy demanding something that feels like it's constantly being denied. I feel so defeated. It’s such a debilitating and depressing experience opening social media and seeing your community, Black women, being dragged, laughed at, bullied and degraded online. We’re only human. We keep calling out the harmful rhetoric. We keep showing how deeply it affects us. Yet, there’s always a flood of Black men defending their behavior, telling us we’re “too sensitive” or that “it’s never that serious.” They show up to silence us rather than holding their brothers accountable.

Would it have been “not that serious” if they had spent an entire podcast episode dragging Black men instead? Would Andrew have laughed and mocked an apology if the target wasn’t Black women, but someone who looked like him? There’s no question that they would have had something to say. But when it’s about us?

Crickets. 🦗

I don’t have the energy to argue anymore. We’re in 2024. If Black men haven’t unlearned their internalized racism by now, then they never will. Anti-Blackness runs rampant within our own community, and it breaks my heart. I’ve said all I can, and I know many of you feel the same—tired, heartbroken, and utterly defeated.

The truth is, we don’t need validation from these men, and we don’t need to keep begging for respect. We’ve seen time and time again that some of them just aren’t capable of giving it. But what we do need is to recognise that our hurt is valid, and it’s okay to feel disturbed by what’s happening. It’s okay to be bothered when you see these “apologies” that do nothing but laugh in the face of accountability. It’s okay to disengage, to stop pouring your energy into a well that doesn’t run deep enough to support you.

At times like these, the importance of looking to one another, to other Black women, for a sense of community is more crucial than ever. We need to uplift one another because, as painful as it is, controversies like this reveal some dark realities that come with being a Black woman. But it’s just one part of the experience—it doesn’t define us. Unionising and speaking out when disrespect like this occurs is essential, not just to raise awareness but for ourselves—to make it clear that we see what’s happening and we will not forget. But once we’ve spoken up, we also need to remind ourselves to move on from these moments of disrespect.

This ridiculousness will never define Black womanhood, because only we have the power to define who we are. Black womanhood is not aggression, manipulation, or whatever else they try to paint us as. We know better. It’s a multifaceted, beautiful experience that can never be reduced to the tired, harmful stereotypes these men keep pushing. We don’t need to rely on podcasts hosted by racists, misogynists, and anti-Black clowns to tell us who we are. Our sense of self, our strength, and our beauty is something only we can shape, and we do.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not about expecting better from them anymore. It’s about demanding respect for ourselves—whether they give it to us or not. And sometimes, that means stepping back to protect your peace.

Just had to get that off my chest, feeling a lot at the moment. 🫠🥴

[iamaizha]

On Wednesday’s we wear pink

[carameledchocolate]

Coping as a black woman in the world we live in.

[biancajfernandez]

AFROFÉMINAS

Afroféminas es una colección que nació sin la intención de ser una misma. La admiración que tengo por las mujeres negras siempre estuvo, pero desde que conocí mas sus historias, la admiración a su belleza y esa esencia única que tienen, creció. El feminismo negro me hizo admirarlas mucho más, por toda la lucha y el poder que conquistaron. Afroféminas es un grupo feminista de mujeres negras, que como todo feminismo; busca abolir las desigualdades que enfrentan las mujeres. La feminista negra nace dentro de la comunidad, nace dentro de las experiencias de la mujer negra y sus opresiones, es para ellas y por ellas. Su lucha busca poder mirarnos de igual a igual entre mujeres

[stormyswraps]