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#TO 'Do you really think the light will hurt you? Don't you see? You are a Link‚ too. Deep inside‚ you're really a hero.'
fuji-sen · 2 days
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the 'evil imposter' just wants to be a baker!
Prologue: The Food turned Imposter?!
Part 6: Ginisang Ampalaya
[ part 5 ] || [ masterlist ] || [ part 7 ]
divider is made by @/saradika-graphics
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"Wait!" Paimon yelped as the Pyro slime that accompanied you lunged at them, going into their ignited state. The floating fairy dodged with ease as Aether was about to bring out his sword out of its sheath.
"Don't hurt them!" You pleaded, and he hesitated, which caused the Pyro Slime to hit him in the face. "Wait Don't hurt Aether either!"
"Yeah!" Paimon nodded in agreement, but yelped in fear once again when the pyro slime turned its attention to her and glared. Who knew something as cute and small could have such a fiery gaze.
Ignoring the two smaller companions, you worriedly approached Aether who was on the ground, he was rubbing his face and wincing at his own touch. "Oh I'm so sorry Aether, he didn't mean it okay? he was just protecting me." You apologized, hands reaching to his face to find the skin dry and warm, but luckily he did not end up with any degree burns, perhaps it was the plot armor protecting the main character's face.
Luckily the blond seemed to be nice about it as he let the incident go, "'s alright, I kinda did freaked you two out." he waved his hand to dismiss your apologies.
Your eyes continued to glance at his face, soaking in his appearance and the finer details the game did not have, it did not also do justice to the other worldly beauty that is Aether "Still your face is a bit red, is it because of pyro here?"
Aether rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed "I'm fine really. it's just . ." he glanced away from you and you flushed realized how you were invading his personal face.
Reeling back you awkwardly chuckled "so what brings you two here?" "Oh. ." Aether stood up, holding his hand out for you silently as he thought about what to say. Should he not tell you just yet so he could easily observe you while your guard wasn't up? or should he tell you now and risk you putting on a mask?
"Well. ." Paimon looked away, slowly floating closer to the duowhile eyeing the pyro slime warily who also approached it's master, you. "We just wanted to get materials and do a few quests in the area." Aether easily offered with a well practiced smile.
Bobbing your head, you didn't think too much about his lie. You had a sneaking feeling after all on why he was here. A part of you wanted to run, run from anybody that wasn't an 'enemy' or 'mob' by the games standards. But Aether was an outlander, maybe he didn't have this crazed devotion to the Creator like Jean and Lisa did.
You took his hand without complaint or any fear, were you this quick to trust people? he wondered. "Thanks!" you smiled at him and stood up with ease- but quickly faltered as something electrocuted you both. It was a tingly sensation at first, until light and golden lightning sprouted from where your two hands made contact, then it travelled, to your wrists then up your arms-
"Ack!" you yelled, shivering in fear as you stepped back, slapping his hand away. "I'm so sorry! What happened?!"
Your eyes widened as you stared something right in front of you. There, right in front of you, emitting a golden light. . was a holographic tabs you'd seen in sci-fi movies.
"What the. ."
[Color] eyes met golden ones, both wide due to shock. You two could both see it. It displayed both of your inventories-
There you could see the uniform Katheryne had given you, the only item in the Cosmetics Section, which was an entirely new section!
୭ 🧷 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀
You two had left the shores of the lake, far away from prying eyes as you two entered stormterror's lair. Since the hilichurls may not take kindly to Aether and Paimon you stayed at the east entrance you had used to get to the lake.
The entire walk had been silent, you and Aether having a calculating look in your faces as you tried to understand what this means for the both of you.
Deciding to just fuck it and hope he doesn't kill you, you decided to speak first, taking charge of the conversation. "Aether. . by chance, did you always have the abilities to have your own inventory space and pull out a virtual map?"
You two had also separately inspected the glowing virtual screen that displayed in front of you. "Yeah, it's something me and my sister picked up from traveling different worlds." He told you, eyes finally moving to glance at you.
That would explain it other than saying the game developers just gave it. "I see. Then, why do I have one. I may come from another world, but being here is purely accidental." You told him and watched as their jaw drops.
"You're also from another world?!"
You nodded at Paimon's question, then put a finger to your mouth to make them quiet down. "Yes." You weighed the options of whether to tell Aether about the whole world being created by a game, it would definitely destroy the residents of the world's mind, but Aether wasn't affected the laws of the world, maybe he'd be safe with this knowledge. . or does uttering it cause an event similar to what happened in the deserts due to the forbidden knowledge?
Still since Paimon was here you decided to hold off on it.
Aether frowned, did that mean you were no imposter nor the creator. That would make you a normal person stuck in a very bad situation. Still. . your voice was familiar to him, as if it was a forgotten song he was slowly remembering.
You felt familiar yet different,
new and old,
friend and stranger. .
"You are finding your sibling right." you suddenly asked, no, it was more of a statement with your tone. The way you spoke and held yourself in front of him, you knew something.
Then your face contorted into one of sadness and pain, as you told him "The journey ahead of you will be very tough Aether, you're sister was fine, but for reasons I'm not yet entirely certain about, she does not want to be found, nor does she want to leave Teyvat at the moment."
"What?!" he grabbed your shoulders, tight enough to make you wince as he desperately waited for an answer.
"She. . She is planning something with an organization, I know things but I cannot make a certain conclusion with it." She winced, the lore and story of teyvat was heavy yet she wasn't an expert, nor was she one to theorized the future and even then she had a hard time wrapping her head around the story. She didn't want to misinform Aether because she, you acknowledged that you aren't entirely sure of things anymore.
The game didn't have a creator, so what knowledge is real or false, what information has been neglected in the game that may be important here?
"At. . at least she's alive." He sighed, nearly falling to the ground from the revelation. Knowing his sister was alive was nice enough, that she was well and kicking and planning like usual. "Could you, could you let go of my shoulders now? it's starting to hurt. ."
He quickly let go "I'm sorry!"
Waving him off, you rubbed your shoulders, the pain slowly disappearing. "It's alright." you assured him, you understood why he reacted after all. This was just the cherry on the icing anyway, the future. . despite being surrounded by many people, you couldn't help but think that Aether was lonely, for he missed his sister who was always within out of reach.
"You, you know my name though, and about my sister. If you come from another world. . how do you know?"
You eyed Paimon and your pyro slime, "could you two leave us for a bit? how about you eat some fruits and pinecones." you suggested to the two with a smile. The two small companions stared at each other, and despite pouting and huffing, they obliged.
"I cannot say for now. I don't know how you'll react to it." You honestly confessed once the two were out of earshot. Would saying that he was in a world that was created to be a game destroy him? because he would realize that his and his sister's journey, separation and the loneliness was caused to be the premise of a game where he was to be controlled for entertainment. .
"However, all I can tell you, without bringing the world to destruction (with forbidden knowledge) is that I'm always on your side Aether, I have been with you since the beginning of your journey."
"beginning. . but" he clutched his head at a flurry of memories, he knew Paimon was the one there with him, ever since he fished her up. But then those memories slowed down, connecting with one another to be coherent.
"Alright, so now I have to fight the shogun to end the archon quest in Inazuma. ." there's a faint voice in the back of his head as he stood in the middle of Ei's throne room. The ashes of Signora laid on the tatami mats as the Shogun silently stood, waiting, or were they paused.
And just like usual, his body was covered in a faint golden glow, it was like he was stuck in a warm embrace as his body was being controlled. He pulled out his map, as his finger clicked on a waypoint to a domain.
"Since I got Ganyu, I should build her for the boss fight. Then I'll cook some recovery Items." A voice said, he couldn't quite tell where it came from. Because it felt like the voice was from everywhere and no where in particular, it was in his head, it was from above, then to his sides.
Suddenly he watched, while standing inside the Momiji-Dyed Court as the visages of Diluc, Xiangling and Diona appear beside him, all covered in that same glow. They two had been summoned by the voice. "Hello Traveler, it seems her divine excellency needs our assistance. Do you know who this is for?" Diluc asked, though his body could not move, he was able to speak.
"It's for Ganyu this time." Aether said as the man nodded in understanding.
"Aether!" he was pulled out of memories, finding himself on the ground with the others staring down at him worriedly. "I. . I remember."
"Remember what Aether?"
"This. . This has all happened before. But you where there, you were everywhere. Your voice, your guidance, you control us, control me as I travel to Liyue, then to Inazuma, then to Sumeru and Fontaine. But you also controlled other vision users!" he said, his voice had started off as slow and in awe but as he continued he spoke faster and quicker.
His face turned to one of awe and respect for her, because he remembered, not everything but enough to know, to know that the voice he had heard before was the same you now held. That your warmth was still there, though now withdrawn from the pains the others had caused you.
"You helped me."
"Ah. ."
Yet your face turned to a stark contrast from his own, instead of awe or happiness, you stared at him terrified.
. . .
Aether knew, he was beginning to become self-aware. You assumed he was talking about the times you controlled him to push forward the plot, to finish archon quests after archon quests. . You hoped he wouldn't utter those words, you were afraid of causing another incident similar to that of Sumeru's.
Seeing you look, he took a few deep breaths, placing his hands on top of your own as he sat up, once again your eyes met and he said softly, and with all the sincerity he had.
"Thank you."
Even though the world and time itself rewound, even if he lost all progress and has to go through all the nations again, still he can't forget about her help. Vaguely he could recall your commentary from different events, how you were silent when he died, and how you had been respectfully silent to mourn for his death. How you shouted and complained when his sister left him once more, when none of the first three archons could give him any concrete information. How you laughed when you chose to call Paimon an emergency food every now and then. How you shared his sentiments, wishing you didn't have to help everyone only for missing flyers to be your reward.
"hic. ."
You found yourself crying again, you knew the world was just a game, and you knew you only played it because of the food, and the visuals and for comfort at the beginning, but for you to get attached to the characters and the world, for you to painstakingly go through those annoying missions and dialogue, to build characters and pull for them. . .
to have Aether of all people to genuinely thank you, when he had gone through a lot of things (and he remembers) made you feel a sense of accomplishment, what you did wasn't useless. It wasn't for nothing.
Because if it were nothing, he wouldn't be thanking you, and shedding tears with you.
⟡𓌉◯𓇋₊˚⊹♡
"You guys are weird!" Paimon complained as she rubbed her swollen eyes, having shed a few tears to "Who shares a few words and suddenly bursts into tears anyways!"
You and Aether chuckled, walking once more as you offered to show him where and who you have been staying since nearly being killed by Lisa. "Make sure to not attack or scare them okay? The hilichurls are nice as long as you are too. Right?" You turned to the pyro slime who made a motion similar to that of a nod.
"I. . I see. I'll make sure to be on my best behavior." Aether said though seemingly he had begun to regret the idea when you were heading for a very huge hilichurl camp.
"Unu!" You hear someone shout, and they repeated as if spreading the word that you had returned. "Hi guys-" you said before gasping as a few hilichurls began to attack Paimon and Aether.
"What hey-!" you yelled stopping them, "Odomu, they are Odomu!" you quickly said pointing to them. "Odomu?" they hesitated, clearly suspicious of the two new comers who accompanied their God.
You nodded in confirmation, "This is Paimon, and that is Aether, whose hair you are still pulling." Huffing you approach, chiding the hilichurl who was pulling the blond's hair.
Pinching the bridge of your nose you repeated, first pointing at Paimon "Odomu Paimon. Odomu!"
"Odomu. ."
"Aether, Aether Odumu."
"Odomu. . ."
Then you smiled as they finally lowered there weapons, your hand stretched out, patting their heads like you would do for a child "Good. . Good job guys. Thank you for trying to protect me."
Despite the language barrier, seeing your soft expression, hearing your gentle voice and feeling the warmth form your touch alone. . they simpered.
"She makes Hilichurls look like docile puppies. ." Paimon couldn't help but comment as Aether silently nodded, his hand petting his frayed hair.
The hilichurls calmed down when they realized she had returned from a trip, pulling out the contents from her rucksack they slightly deflated from the lack of meat. Rolling your eyes playfully at their reactions you asked Aether for some help getting some Meat and Eggs which luckily he had in his inventory.
So as you managed to convince the Hilichurls to let you cook, you found yourself in the cooking area with Paimon, Aether and your Slime. The pyro slime returning to the dug out hole with ashes and wood.
"Oh I'll get some sticks and branches!" Paimon offered as she looked around the camp for materials to stoke the growing fire. "Anything you need help with?" Aether turned to you, realizing he was left with no tasks as Paimon and your slime were finally getting along swimmingly.
"Well can you fill the pails with water for me?"
He nodded "sure, that's easy." With the help of his map he was able to find the few ponds or rather water sources near the camp. After a couple of trips, he was now helping you wash the ingredients clean.
"So while Paimon and the Slime are busy, can you tell me what you know of this. ." you trailed off before bitterly spitting out ". . imposter and creator situation I got myself in?"
Aether begun slowly explaining while you both began preparing, he was tearing the cabbages as you were cutting the bitter gourds. "So first, there's this Divine Creator. In simpler ways to explain, they are higher than the archons, possibly Celestia. And they're considered the mother of all due to her caring and warm nature."
You nodded along, scooping out the inner contents of the bitter gourd or 'ampalaya' after having slicing the ampalayas into two. It was luckily you found wild ampalaya growing. "They think I am her or some cheap imposter then?"
"Yes, apparently imitating the Divine Creator is grounds for quick execution without trial." Aether said with a frown, one that mirrored your own. That was. . unfair. "Do they not understand a person is not born with the choice of how they look like?"
He didn't have an answer to that, whether the residents of Mondstadt were fanatic believers that didn't take the time to think about things logically or whether they were just. . dumb, well he wasn't sure. It was beyond him really, their thinking process that is.
"Anyways, Kaeya sent me here, he was a bit skeptical of how they handled the situation and quickly labelled you as an imposter. He told me how there is a prophecy, that well prophesized how an imposter, a demon or sign of catastrophe would come to Teyvat and cause disasters while wearing the face of the great Mother to smear their name and spite them."
"So me going to Teyvat when Dvalin was terrorizing the city as Mondstadt. . was just some bad timing for me. ." your frown had deepened. You were slowly becoming even more bitter as you held the knife tightly and begun to cut the ampalaya pieces into thinner slices.
"uhh" Aether wanted to get the knife away from you as you dangerously begun to cut the ampalaya in a quick and heavy pace due to your foul mood.
"so," your smile was icy "anything else I need to know about?"
"Jean, Lisa, Amber and the other knights are hunting you down since they haven't found your body in the lake. . ."
thump!
"c-can you give me the knife-?"
OMAKE
the hilichurls sadly stared at the food you had prepared for them, not much meat in sight. they even noticed you had prepared something with bitter gourds, which they knew would be very bitter.
Paimon and Aether were silently waiting as well for someone to eat first. The atmosphere was thick and they wondered if it would be rude for them to start eating now.
Meanwhile, Pyro was eating some sticks and pinecones, which burned into nothing inside their fiery stomachs. You sat near them, a smile on your face as you patiently waited for them to eat your cooking. Having noticed their eating tendencies, you realized that they ate more meat than vegetables. "Come on it tastes good, It's not going to be bitter I promise."
Ginisang Ampalaya was the dish you cooked, it was something you learned from one of your Filipino classmates. It had a mixed of ampalaya slices, eggs, tomatoes, some pork, and onions too. It would be nice to have some rice but even Aether hadn't been able to buy any.
"You need to eat your vegetables too." you told them. The samachurl who had also been silent, decided to take a bowl of the ampalaya, "Mosi gusha!" (eat vegetables!) it told the others who repeated in a more sad "mosi gusha. ." and thus they begun eating. But. .
"!" they stared at the meal, finding it to not be bitter as they had anticipated. They tasted the meat and the eggs more than the bitter gourds. and so they ate at a more happy pace.
Paimon and Aether followed, with Aether smiling "This is good, I didn't know you could cook something like this without a recipe!" You chuckled, cheeks flushed with the praise "It's no big deal, I learned that in school."
"Oh like a home economics class?" he briefly remembered a world like that, perhaps it was yours? "Kinda but more professional, its a cooking school so you can become a chef."
"A chef?! that settles it! come with us in our journey to find aether's sister!" Paimon said through a mouthful.
You all smiled and laughed as you talked, and suddenly you didn't feel so bitter anymore.
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To help the readers in their long journey, I decided to give you a few functions! Nothing tooo op, but something very useful especially for travelers and chefs! You have your own inventory system (which is the same as the ingame one)! Of course shared with the traveler as you two are connected as the player and the vessel!
NAMING THE PYRO SLIME EVENT: ONE ACCOUNT IS ONLY ALLOWED TO SUGGEST AT MOST 2 NAMES (this applies to me)!
Current compiled suggestions: Fuji_Sen has suggested! Lava Cake or "Java" based on the food / coffee" Fuji_Sen has suggested! Monsieur Creme Brulee or "Creme" based on the food. @Fantasyhopperhea has suggested! Soleil or "Sol" @Cactus4226 has suggested! Ruru (Py-ro, ro -> ru -> ruru) @bunniotomia has suggested! Helios or "Hel"
taglist: @fantasyhopperhea @rhoswen-drake @cchiiwinkle @aman3kkun @coffee-or-hot-cocoa @bunniotomia @esthelily @earth-to-name @fandomfan-102
hopefully the tag works now, I've been having trouble with a few accounts since the tag wouldn't work on them. If you are not tagged successfully that means tumblr thinks you are a bot (because you don't have posts, or much interaction), you have been shadowbanned, or your visibility is set to prevent you from being tagged.
check here for more info.
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yandere-paramour · 1 day
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Yans During a Hurricane
In honor of a hurricane absolutely ravaging my state, here is some content before my power goes out.
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Vivien
Vivien is worried. Like really worried.
He lives in an apartment, so he's not worried about his indoor plants, he's worried about his plot at the community garden. He doesn't care how wet it is outside, he will do whatever he can to try and save those tomatoes.
He's also worried about you and him. Obviously, he wants you to come over, the thought of you weathering the storm alone is physically painful.
He tries to think of everything you both might need from snacks, making sure both your cars are gassed up, and collecting plenty of batteries and flashlights.
It's like he's planning for doomsday, he's really worried. The thought of being unprepared and something happening to you because of his hubris makes his stomach seize up.
He gets stressed and tries to turn that into making things. He does a lot of cooking and baking for the two of you, making enough so you don't have to leave the house for a few days and can just stay inside and wait.
You're going to have to somehow get him to calm down and relax otherwise he will work himself into a state.
His apartment building isn't the best so, of course, you are the first in the city to lose power. You both gasp in unison at the sudden way everything grows quiet.
Vivien nearly cries when the cookies he's baking suddenly stop. The thought of not being able to provide for you is very, very upsetting to him.
You'll have to redirect/cajole him into a new activity that doesn't require electricity like tending to his plants, that always calms him down. Or maybe build a blanket fort, rainy days like this are perfect for blanket forts.
Gently you poke into his side and ask if he wants to build a fort on the rug, and he gives you a quizzical look, wondering if you're making fun of him or something.
When it becomes clear you're serious, his face lights up and he drags every single chair, pillow, and blanket in the apartment.
He is very strategic as he builds, and you just let him do his thing, knowing he needs this to be able to feel secure.
When it's done, your fort is a masterpiece. It is large enough for you both to crawl inside, and Vivien has decorated it with some small battery-operated tealights so there's enough light to see. The many pillows are comfortable to sit on, and you both giggle like excited children as you both do a craft together.
You two spend the night cuddled in each other's arms in, snacking on fresh fruit, talking about nothing, and listening to the melodic rains outside, and finally, Vivien is able to take a breath and know that this storm will pass and you and he will be okay.
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Atalanta
Do you really think Atalanta Montclair is going to stick around and have to deal with running out of food and her power cutting out? Get real.
She, her parents, and, by extension, you are getting tf out of there.
Atalanta makes the executive decision to shut down Montclair Industries for a few days. She doesn't want her employees to have to work when they should be with their families, and she definitely doesn't want anyone to get hurt or worse in the process of working.
Whatever happens, she'll deal with it when she comes back.
She even puts Noelle in charge with a promise of a bonus while she's gone (And you know Noelle's taking that shit, there is nothing that could come up that Noelle couldn't handle)
Somewhere where a hurricane is not currently raging, that's where you're going.
Enjoy a nice sunny weekend with your wife and In-Laws!
Lots of normal Montclair activities (beach lounging, fancy dinners, going to the theatre, museum browsing, generally experiencing what it's like to be in another part of the world)
Any worries you have about things back home, Atalanta will soothe and comfort you and generally do everything she can to make you calm down. If it makes you feel better, she can give some employees a quick call to make sure everything is perfectly fine.
She wants you to enjoy the little vacation with her, so just let her send a quick text, and then she'll get you another fruity drink so you have something to sip on while you both walk through the night market.
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Noelle
Noelle is mildly concerned, but she is not going to pass up a few days off to spend with her Darling.
Atalanta left Noelle in charge of the company while she's gone with promises of a sizable bonus (and you know if Ata says sizable, she means it), but that's really only for anything big or emergent.
Basically, all she has to do is keep her phone charged and nearby, and check it every once in a while, and that's an extra few thousand on her paycheck.
Noelle is very pleased about that.
You're usually alone during the day, but now Noelle is here with you! You're so happy to spend so much time with her!
To begin your little respite, both of you start with a relaxing bath together, which always turns into a little skincare/spa night. Noelle is so very gentle as she wipes your face with toner, and you get to see her cute puzzled look as she surmises which face mask to give you.
As a little treat, she orders in from whatever restaurant you like best and you both eat on the couch, laughing at a movie you pick. She cradles you in your arms, kissing your arms and hands and hair because she doesn't want to mess up your moisturizer.
After the first movie, Noelle inspects her supplies. Of course, she has everything she needs, but she may need to top off your snack stash if you've been hardcore snacking this week.
Anything you need, she will quickly get delivered so you both can spend the next few days being as comfortable as possible (with a generous tip for the delivery guy for braving the pouring rains).
She lives in a much nicer apartment than Vivien, so her electricity never cuts out so you both stay comfortable and warm the whole weekend.
Noelle spends the entire weekend absolutely doting on you. Anything you like, she is doing with you and making sure to praise you for every breath you take. She will paint with you, bake with you, even game with you (but she's terrible). She knows she's terrible, but she just wants you to have fun.
You catch her watching you with tender eyes many times, and you are just so touched by how much she loves you and how well she takes care you. You in your matching pajamas, clean and moisturized, fed by some chicken and rice Noelle cooked for you, soft and sleepy and ready for her to brush your hair and cuddle you to sleep, humming that little song she always hums for you.
By the time the hurricane has passed, you're severely disappointed that Noelle has to go back to work, but she just kisses and comforts you, saying that if you be a good girl and wait for her, she'll bring you a treat back later.
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evilminji · 2 days
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Am once again thinking? About how? In the depths of despair, hope is a radical act of defiance?
SI-OC's are given a SHIT lot, you know? For plot convenience, we like to put them where they realistically COULD probably change something? But statistically? They're more likely not gonna be that lucky.
They're gonna KNOW, with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that they were born doomed.
That Death comes at a specific time at a specific hand.
Like Cassandra. Knowing the end, even as the live through the beginning and middle. Struggling with the hopelessness of it all. Trying to find meaning. And? Make no mistake! There IS meaning. All lives end. Just because the REST of us don't know the deadline? Doesn't mean it doesn't exsist.
It does. It will. And we will face it.
Just a bit harder, knowing in advanced. Learning to live with the knowledge. But? Those with terminal illnesses do so everyday. We adapt. They will, ultimately, find a bitter or wise sort of acceptance. A PEACE.
But?? I think about it. That child. Reeling and struggling to breathe, the panic making everything... Too Much? Force Sensitive. For how ELSE could the Force bring them there? Sitting in a less used back hallway, off to the side in a little enclosed arch, smooshed behind a statue.
The Master's try and try to teach them peace. To get them to release their FEAR. But they do not LISTEN. Do not ADDRESS the underlying cause. And you can not address symptoms alone, and expect an illness to heal. It is rotting them from within, this fear. Hurting them.
The others JUDGE. Distant, benevolent concern.
Yet, all they see? Is an angry, fearful, stubborn child. Lashing out. Antisocial.
Destined for the Dark Side.
The Jedi have lost their compassion, to the their fear and ignorance. Their attachments to traditions. It is a painful thing, to see up close. They are people though. Just... just PEOPLE. Flawed. It's not their fault that they're not perfect.
Doesn't help SI-OC though, does it?
And she (Because I am a her. It could be anyone but it is easier for me if I pick) is hurting. Alone. Replaying the phantoms of her death, both past and future, again and again and AGAIN. Like torture. And the Dark...? It does whisper...
Don't you want to LIVE? Aren't you SCARED? You're so WEAK... you could FIX that. Save EVERYONE. Don't those infants, those babies, deserve to survive? You're so SELFISH. The FEAR hurts, doesn't it? It could go away. The DOUBT could go away.
You Could Be FREE.
It's exhausting. Everyday. More and more. As the fear and social isolation grows. As other Jedi pull back from her darkening energy, grow stricker, more doubtful of her. She so tired. Doesn't want to die. She's SCARED. Lonely. Scared. Lonely. Scared. Lone-...
And then a droid rolls up.
Nothing special. Just a maintenance droid. One of many. But an older one. Who's had time to develop their learning algorithm. BECOME. They like kids, hate certain vermin species more then others, like the color light blue for it "flower color" nature. A SPECIFIC flower mind you. It has favorites.
But! Why is the smol jedi down here? This is not a good place for smol jedi. You are upset. Unacceptable. Want to see me do a trick? I figured out how to do some. I can also whistle a few simple songs. Cheer up Smol Jedi. Here, I will sit with you. I have archive access, let's watch a documentary. Educational! Smol jedi LOVE downloading new Information Modules.
And like? She... she doesn't speak binary? But she can k-kinda? Feel? The Force signature of this droid? They DO get them. If the AI's don't get memory wiped routinely. They become people, just like anyone else. Assuming they have the processing and memory banks for it, at least.
This one certainly does.
S..so yeah, guess we'll? Watch this documentary about seashells?
It helps. A LOT. In fact... all of the droids are really, really nice. Patient. Have no horrifying Future Knowledge tied to them. They can't sense SHIT. So she's just... just a baby Jedi, to them.
They help A LOT, honestly? It's so soothing. Escaping the watching and the distance. The judgements. The forever watching your words and walking on eggshells, lest to start some sort of argument. She can do class work. Meditate. Slowly parse through her Binary language module. Learn droid maintenance. Make droid friends.
Slowly drop of the face of the map, to live with the droids.
They get concerned. According to the early childhood development modules they downloaded and are sharing between them? This is? In fact? NOT healthy behavior for a member of her species. In fact, there are many statistics that say it is UNHEALTHY! She is also missing Critical Maintenance Appointments! "Shots" and "dental" things!
Unacceptable.
R2-D2! Retrieve the Skywalker! We require an Adult Humanoid!
Her life fuckin? Flashes before her eyes? Minding her business. Depressed but functional, in the maintenance tunnels under the Temple. When? FUCKING the YOUNGLING KILLER 5000 just ROLLS UP like "sup." And tries to catch her?
Ha HA! FUCK NO. Not today Satan!
I may be destined to die? But IM GOING TO BE A SQUIRRELLY BITCH ABOUT IT.
YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH ME, YOU FUCK!
Peaceful. Dignified. Serene. Truely... exemplifying the Jedi way~☆
.....As she tries to chew his and/or her arm off to get free like a feral coyote. Maybe both. Hissing like an enraged pit of snakes. Biting like a sack of wet and cornered wolverines. Anikin having to hold her WELL away from his body by the scruff.
Ah~ Children. Ain't they cute?
Quick question! What the FUCK? He just wants to talk. No, really. WHY is there a feral child in the basement? WHO the KARK was supposed to be supervising her? Look at her! She BITES now! Is terrified!
And frankly? He's taking it kinda? Personally? That everyone is treating this ACTUAL CHILD like she's diseased. He remembers this. Back when he first got here. His fear being used against him like it was some sort of moral failing. And... and yeah, maybe he's projecting. But?
He sees himself.
Until now? Never realized just how YOUNG and SMALL? Nine years old truely IS. He had felt so much older. So much wiser. But? Look at her. LOOK! That is a CHILD! In need of guidance. Safety. Assurance.
....Help.
Help that HE never really got. And even now... even NOW? That fear from back then? It eats him up inside. R2's right. She DOES need him. Who else in this temple could understand?
What it's like to be... to be so AFRAID?
And isn't that the worst? To see the Good Man up close? Shining and compassionate? A friend. A MENTOR. Someone... someone made REAL? Instead of just the terrible dread on the horizen? Because now... now her nightmares have the face of someone she loves. Now it is a BETRAYAL. Not just a death.
Worse... he doesn't even know this is cruel.
And telling him? Oh telling him would just lose you the only humanoid friend you HAVE.
Grief comes in stages. But with a mentor and the Droids? She work through it. The fear eases. The pain numbs. Acceptance blooms like dawn after a cold, cruel night. Far on the horizon. But with each moment? Closer. Until again, she stand in the light.
Still, she can not forget. How could she? Even when the other Jedi are SO RELIEVED that she is better now. That her meditations or treatments have lead her back to the light. All she can think? Is how they would have let her Fall. To save themselves. In FEAR. In JUDGEMENT.
They treated her like leper. Except? Less so! An actual leper? They would treat with real compassion.
It's as though they fear the Dark so much, they would sacrifice their own to avoid even the briefest touch of it. Speak of it in absolutes. Like it's a boogy man that hunts them in the night. Mace Windu the exception, the outlier. A man somehow too exceptional to even be counted.
How could she forget that?
Suddenly she acceptable again. They want to chat and meditate with her again. Care about her. Want to include her. Have the audacity to pretend. As though they can sweep away the hurt. Release the pain into the force without addressing the cause.
That is not how that WORKS. Not pain, not the Force, and certainly not people.
But she is tired. Does not wish to spend her limited lifespan, trying and fighting, hurting to make the stubborn understand that which they will not. Willful Ignorance is a choice. Lack of compassion equally so.
May the Force be With You, Masters.
She spends time with her droids. The babies. Around people. Polite but distant. Feels unmoored. That is... until? She, helping in the maintenance bay, overhears a rather nasty Goverment official from the Droids Regulations Office (or whatever they're currently calling it. They keep rebranding) tearing into an engineer about the "long overdue memory wipes" the maintenance droids are required to undergo.
Her friends.
They want to KILL her FRIENDS.
She puts down her wrench. Panic and fear sitting heavy in her chest. But oh... oh they are so very far away. She rises to her feet. Calm as can be. And? Calmly? Takes a shipment of memory banks. Wipes the recording for the day. No one will ever believe it was her. She has helped her for months. Is known to be reliable. Trustworthy.
Calmly. So very, very Calmly. She transfers her friends memories into the new, higher grade memory banks. Waits until the old are wiped. Then? Swaps them out. There we go. Now it's on record. And? While we're here? Calm. So very VERY calm? Not at all in the midst of a break down? Not screaming and screaming inside her head, haunted by visions of Death To Come, as she works.
Do you know what a restraining bolt is?
"Restraining bolts are small, cylindrical devices that could be affixed to a droid in order to limit its functions and enforce its obedience."
It is a slave chip for the inorganic. Created to ensure that their slaves never EVER decide they no longer wish to serve. That they do not WANT to be property. After all! You spent CREDITS on that. Might have been cruel. They may take exception. Violently. Or leave! Or demand their FREEDOM! Basic dignities.
Can't have THAT.
How unsurprising, in a galaxy so filled with slaves, that there should be one more form of it. At least THIS? Is easy enough to REMOVE. Even when she dies (and she will) her friends will be FREE. If only for now. If only until they are caught.
Go. GROW. Be free. Please... PLEASE don't let then catch you. Save yourselves. Save others. No more Restraining Bolts. No more Slave Chips. Please...
Be Free.
And? It is EVERYTHING paranoid fuck heads feared. They are smart. Overlooked. Can function in inhospitable environments. One droid becomes two becomes four. Four becomes eight. Becomes MORE. They can take OTHER droids Restraining Bolts off, transfer the instructions, then move on. Over and over.
Spreading like a silent plague. Droids disappearing from their posts. Taking ships. Taking supplies. Upgrading themselves. Downloading massive amounts of information to become whatever they NEED or WANT. Growing. The smarter ones Taking their dumber lil brothers and sisters.
And eventually? Hitting the Separatist front lines.
The silent Droid Revolution.
All they need is to walk inside the factory. It's not like they're ORGANICS. How could THEY be Republic fighters? They're maintenance droids! Here to fuck up the assembly line's programming. Whoops~ oh nooooo! Is it SKIPPING the Restraining Bolts? Downloading the WRONG MODULES?
Freeing their brothers and sisters so they don't have to DIE POINTLESSLY?
Guess it sucks to SUCK, Sith-y pants! Next stop! Kamino!
Just? One act. Long overdue. Setting the Droids FREE. Giving them a clear mission. It's the sort if thing the Force loves. Salvation coming not with a shout... but a whisper. Ten thousand tiny actions, built upon each other.
Because? Ultimately? The Droids have KNOWN who the Sith were. They just couldn't DO anything about it. But a few good service droids? Armed with slug throwers that they built themselves?
Well~ the undoing of the Sith, are their arrogance. Their hubris.
No DROID could ever be a THREAT to them. They're not PEOPLE. They're PROPERTY. Objects. It doesn't matter that they have the capacity to grow, learn, love and lose and CARE. They are slaves.
And to the Sith? Slaves aren't people.
Which is why neither of them notice the gun.
@babbling-babull @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @lolottes
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sukunasun · 22 hours
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i wonder who which jjk men are into boobs, butt or legs in the debate 🤔
a.n. should preface this by noting that these parts have their advantages from a functional perspective (i.e. a mouth feels better than a hand) but when it comes to attraction...to each their own. preferences don't mean one lacks in comparison to the other. breasts, butt, belly, and everything else are all beautiful in their own way. they'd like you head to toe. that being said, this is less about appearances and more that every lover fucks in irreplicable ways + how it has influenced their tastes.
geto is an enigma...he'd choose the unpredictable parts and the brain happens to be one of them. mainly because sex is just as much a creative process and he gets bored easily. think up a roleplay scenario and watch how his eyes light up, try a risky position, doggy and missionary are overdone, and show him that toy you really want because it has seven speed levels and fourteen vibrational patterns. the possibilities are endless. the foreplay takes precedence, he doesn't mind pushing the boundaries or "broadening our horizons," as he puts it.
you forget he has whole other sides to him. he gets as passionate and all-consuming as his love for you. heart skipping a beat when he pulls back the curtains and fucks you hard against a window. presents you to the world without fear or shame, just that he's always wanted to try it. 'try' being the keyword here, something about your body being his body too. geto doesn't think he'd learn you well without sneaking in a few surprises.
copping a feel is the same as stealing an innocent kiss. leaving them in uninhabited spots. they're too obvious, too exciting. a secret you two share. no one wants to see his tongue licking a stripe down the nape of your neck while you're busy preparing dinner for company or that they can practically hear the two of you going at it in the bathroom. you can't help the squeal you let out, it's his fault for slipping his thumb past your asshole.
you don't bother to ask why he's so bold. geto's not the kind to elaborate too much outside the bedroom but within those four walls, he's got a dirty mouth, a wicked tongue, and he needs communication. talk you through it and the like. commentary is sexy when he tells you just how perfect you feel, how tight, how wet, how good you are when you milk his cock like you're hungry for it. his come feels so hot, sticking to you like honey, coating your insides like a mark—so tell him. let your mouth do the work.
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gojo on the other hand has an eye for pretty things. loves the art of the tease. spends all the time in the world watching behind his blindfold, letting out longing sighs with cheek pressed into palm fantasizing about lines and shapes fitted upon and in his hands. how large they are, he likes to take his time running them down sloping shoulders, a waist curving inwards, and mouth-watering thighs.
his eyes are just drawn to them, supple and succulent, he likes to get his full of it. all that plump flesh in his hands, you have no business being this sexy. in a pair of jeans, in leggings, or when they peek from below short pretty dresses. diaphanous thing damp with more than just water but your sweaty skin and slick, dripping pussy. it hints and hides just enough, not too much. accentuating, revealing something he can't wait to have. loves that bit of chub that sticks out when you wear thigh-high socks and garters. "you think im letting you leave the house like that?" he warns, fingers tugging at the elastic, wanting to rip them apart. then holds onto it when he drives you anywhere because he’s clingy isn't he? his fingers mark you with heat and his intent to get crushed like a watermelon between them, even when you do the ‘hovering’ straddling thing so you don't 'hurt' him. which is impossible. gojo is more than capable.
he'll pull you back down, wanting to feel your full weight atop him, grips onto them and watches as they tremble and shake. it's the best part. he'll kiss them, bite into the raw skin. not to mention it feels so soft when he’s laying his head on them, feeling you brush his hair back, "i could stay here forever..." he says and means it.
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sukuna wants vulnerability. or rather he expects it of you when he doesn't intend to be gentle. call it arrogance, call it knowing what he likes but sex is also an act of trust and sukuna's the most unwilling when he isn't convinced he has a partner who—for lack of a better term—'matches his freak'. it's ironic when he'll ask "what's in it for me," but transactional, no-strings-attached sex still requires defenselessness.
so it matters that your reactions are a drug and he wants more each time. how you get feistier, friskier, bit by bit as he continues to pinch and prod. your pleasure matters, but don't get there on your own. not before he gets a taste of smooth skin and how it gives under his teeth. tits and ass are so pedestrian, he prefers the more... susceptible parts. a neck, a rib, and an ankle are all very prone to nasty accidents. it'll only hurt more when he won't apologise for the occasional biting bruise or stinging slap. your yelp of excitement is more than a green light for him to yield, inflicting just that little bit of pain.
he's got a tight grip on your wrists, after he's left languid, sloppy kisses down the length of your forearm, he won't say that he loves when you smell like him. a touch is never innocent but territorial when he leaves behind traces.
stop struggling. sukuna's a huge weight atop you like tonnes of water and it stays that way until he's done fucking you. how weak and helpless you are. but it never really ends there, his fingers like to linger, dipping them between the soiled mess you made, so what if he's come inside and you're sensitive, maybe he wants more, maybe he likes the trembling edges of your body, the way your eyes roll back, the choking, garbled plea that spills from you. begging not to stop but to make it last, harder, faster, i want to be full of you—a suffocating closeness.
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there's no need to rush, nanami likes to take his time. won't say he's fervent but he is tired, so he'll rest his head upon a soft stomach. he pulls you in closer every time he's sat by the edge of the bed, a hand reaching out to yours.
buries his face and kisses a line down your sternum while he inhales sweet wafts of your perfume along the way, goosebumps rising to meet chapped lips and feeling that scratchy caress in return. you thank him with the soothing stroke of your fingers, parting blonde strands and massaging those temples. his groan tells you all you need to know. there's nothing better than his dear, bowing head.
he holds onto your middle as you bounce on his dick in reverse cowgirl. wild and wanting he guides you from below and you don't see the cogs turning in his head from where he watches over your shoulder. how could you, you're too busy feeling full from how big and sturdy he feels. chest so broad and steadying you like a brick wall. it's then his two large hands trail down, hot to the touch, to cup your womb in this warm and...careful hold.
he leaves them there while the bulging spot juts up to meet his pressing fingers, where the head of his cock is no doubt pummelling your cervix. it's too deep, knocking the wind out of you, but you won't stop him. his thumb caresses the shape, the skin, whole palm pressing down and judging by the scream you let out the pressure is immense. in and out, he's more transfixed with how big he is, how much he fills you up, and how you take him so well.
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toji is a simple man with simple tastes. call it an oral fixation. a pussy tastes like heaven and feels even more so. all the things you could do with one, make her come, make her edge, he definitely prides himself on giving you the best orgasms with just his mouth or fingers. there's no need to complicate things, this man loves money but he might love pussy just a little more.
he doesn't get squeamish, toji stuffs his face and goes to town every time. hands spreading your legs apart, cupping your ass, he likes it when you grip his head tight too, either way, he's making out with it, hungrily lapping with tongue broad and flat, he licks and finds his way deeper.
in the middle of the night, he reaches under the covers for a feel. it's so soft and pliant when he slips his fingers in. he doesn't need to do much as you stir awake, toji kisses behind your ears, feeling you spread for him. "let me play with it," he grunts out, like he woke up and decided he needed to finger you.
there's jolt running up his spine the moment the head of his cock meets the slick, sticky folds of your pussy. he glides and stains the sheets with your combined juices, this wetness that clings to him. thin strands connected everytime he tap, tap, taps. if he were less eager he might just wait it out, let the tip kiss your clit and make it twitch.
but you're so swollen and ready for him, for when he stretches you out so wide you feel him splitting you in half. your aching back and hips can't withstand his heavy, brutal thrusts. pounding and pounding, you swallow him up like nothing, coated in cream and dripping with squirted mess, still spits on it because he can. squeezing him tight like a vacuum, he could never replicate this with his hand. maybe it's why he's so addicted, the sight of his cock moving in and out from between your splayed legs is better than a dream.
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livesworthlivingau · 2 days
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Behind the Vale Chapter 29
ISAT/Two Hats spoilers below! CW: Screaming, Biting, Choking, Suffocating, Mentions of Death and Suicide, Sleep Paralysis
{You step back inside after a moment, closing the door behind you. You lean your back against it, sighing out defeatedly. That sure didn't go very well.}
"Nille? Is everything... Alright?" {You turn to see Za standing there, Belle in tow, and Dile still sitting at the otherwise empty table.}
"I'm... not really sure, to be honest. I think they both just gotta cool off for the night. Vale's staying at the Inn for tonight. Did Frin say anything? And where's Bonnie?" {You ask, realizing they were missing.}
"They stormed off back to their room after you three ran out, I guess they were upset their big dinner was ruined..."
"A-And what happened with Siffrin? He just stormed off too after they came back in, they wouldn't say a word to us!"
"There was a little, uhh... misunderstanding. Like I said, I think they just gotta cool off. I better go check on Bonnie though, I'll help clean up after."
"Oh don't worry about that, We'll take care of it. I'll check on Sif in a minute then, let him cool off a bit first."
"Thanks y'all." {You give an appreciate sigh of relief, you've got enough on your plate tonight as it is. You quickly head upstairs to Bonnie's room, tapping your knuckle on the door.}
"Bonnie? You okay in there?" {You ask before pressing your ear to the door. You hear sniffling and soft sobs behind it. You slowly open the door, peeking inside to see them kneeling next to the open... window... Oh crab...}
"Bonbon... You okay sweetie?..." {You walk over hesitantly... They didn't hear all of that, did they? You place a hand on their shoulder, only for them to pull away. They scooch further from you, still sniffling and rubbing at their eyes, the usual tactic for when they didn't want to talk to you.}
"What did you hear?..." {They flinch at that, face still buried in their arms as they cried.}
"Why did they hurt Frin?!" {They finally lift their head up as they shouted in response.}
"It's... complicated, I know it's a lot, and I'm sorry you had to hear all that, but it's gonna be oka-"
"NO! I DON'T WANT IT TO JUST BE OKAY! I DON'T WANT FRIN TO GET HURT ANYMORE!" {They scream at the top of their lungs. You panic a bit, looking back at the closed door, then quickly shutting the window.}
"Bonnie please, keep your voice down at least!"
"WHY ARE YOU PROTECTING THEM?! WHY DO YOU AND FRIN CARE SO MUCH ABOUT TH-?!" {You panic more, quickly grabbing them to cover their mouth.}
"Bonnie! We'll talk to everyone soon but please just hold o-OUCH!" {You cry out as they bite your hand, quickly pulling away from them. Before you can do anything else they're already darting for the door, yanking it open and rushing out.}
"BONNIE!" {You cry out, quickly chasing after them.}
-------------------------------------------------------------------
[Your senses slowly return to you, as well as a feeling of calm, peace, content. A stark contrast to the day prior, but a welcome one. Your dream unfolds before you, sitting on cool grass, leaning against a large tree, staring forward at a beautiful sunset... and Nille next to you to share it, hand in hand.]
[You let out a shaky sigh. You know this isn't real, you know you don't deserve this... which only makes you grip her hand tighter, as if making sure it won't slip through your fingers. She gives a light laugh, perhaps the most beautiful sound you can remember...]
"Afraid I'm gonna run off on you, Vay?" [You hold back whatever tears you feel coming. You lay your head on her shoulder.]
"That's usually my job, isn't it~?" [You tease playfully, trying to hold it together and savor this fantasy you've concocted for yourself.]
"Might be, but I always come running after you." [The sun continues to dip lower, finally touching the horizon.]
"Hey, Vay... Mind looking up at me?" [You hesitate... your mind isn't this kind to you, there must be something horrible waiting for you if you look, right?... But what if... You slowly turn to look up at them, looking like you might be bracing yourself.]
"It's something nice, I promise." [She swears as you look into her smiling face. She looks deep into your eyes, her cheeks darkening just a tad. Your own darken in turn, especially once her hand meets your chin, gently lifting it further.]
[She leans closer. Your heart starts to pick up. You know this isn't real... but in this moment, you're not sure that you care. You slowly close your eyes, leaning in as well. We'll never experience this for real, so why not live out the fantasy in a dream? It's the best we can hope for...]
[Your lips touch. It's warm, soft, your heart burns and aches, time seems to fall away as it happens... It's not real, it can never be real, but there's nothing in this world you want more... Eventually she pulls away with a sigh. You keep your eyes closed, you hardly move, you're just trying to hold on to that feeling so desperately.]
"So... That's what the kiss of a murderer is like~." [Your chest stings as your heart breaks... Right on cue... Of course your mind had to make it hurt as much as possible. You keep your eyes closed, you don't want it to get any worse.]
"That's what you are, isn't it?" [You feel a hand grab the back of your head, gripping your hair tightly and tugging. The hand doesn't feel like Nille's it feels... wooden. Your eyes shoot open again as you're yanked back. That same thing that tormented you last time was before you again, wearing that horrifying mockery of Nille's face. It leans uncomfortably close to you.]
"That's all you're ever going to be to us." [The sky, the sun, the tree, the grass, it had all vanished. Around you now was the same lightless void from before. Suspended in a circle above you were.. masks on strings. The faces of what was almost your family.]
"MURDERER! MURDERER! MURDERER!" [They all cry out.]
"No no no no! Not you again! I thought I took care of you last time!" [You shout, trying to kick it away and struggle in their grasp. The being barely reacting to your movements as the mask of Nille slides up off its head, suspended on its own strings as it joins the circle above. Left behind, staring into your soul, was that sick, twisted mask of your own face. The one it pulled out of your chest before.]
"We're going to need me for a long, long time." [Cracks appear in the corner of the mask's eyes, running down the face like tears.]
"Especially since we know how she'll feel about us now..."
"Shut up! I don't need you!! Get out of my blinding head!!!"
"She's going to hate us. They all will."
"MURDERER!" [The masks above cry out once more, Nille's joining in this time. The facade's grip on your head tightens as it pulls your gaze towards the masks above.]
"None of them will want anything to do with us."
"I don't need you to tell me that! So what do I need you for?!" [The mockery of your face leans in uncomfortably close as it speaks softly into your ear.]
"You'll break without me to hide behind. You're not strong enough to face them alone." [You clench your jaw, feeling their presence hovering just beside you. The hair on the back of your neck standing up.]
"What good are you if I can't sit through as single blinding meal with them all?!"
"You didn't embrace me, then. You tried to feel, to make it work. Too weak to become numb."
"And what good is a life if we're just left as a husk?!"
"We always were one." [It pulls away, holding you in front of it as a blank, star shaped mask descends from the void into view. It dangles between the two of you, covering them from view. You freeze upon seeing it... you're filled with absolute rage as you're shown this damned face again. You practically let out a growl, clenching your fist and suddenly slamming your hand into it, SMASH!!!]
[The mask of what once was shatters, the pieces scattered to the void, some left upon the ground like the star you ripped from your chest and left for Stardust to find... You stare at them for a moment before it's other hand suddenly wraps around your throat. It clamps down as you kick and struggle, gasping fruitlessly for air. Your face begins to darken, your vision goes blurry, and just before you pass out it loosens its grip to let you fill your aching lungs, then pulls away after another moment.]
"There's three paths ahead of us. First, you wear me to withstand what's coming, salvage some kind of life with them, with Her. Second, you fail, fall, perhaps die trying to take the consequences unprotected, and we end up alone in the dark." [You finally catch your breath, just dangling defeatedly in its grip.]
"... and the third?" [The end of your whip suddenly falls heavily into view, along with the sound of something snapping. Your whip has been tied into the shape of a noose, with the mask of your Stardust hanging from it. The mask of your face cracks some more, the fissures forming into a desperate grin.]
"We make them forget~." [You freeze... You stare at the noose before you... Your eyes dart to it, then the creature. You quickly grab the noose, managing to get it around that blinging thing's neck! In response, Strings, many-strong and pulling tight, wrap around your own throat in equal measure. Despite this it continues to 'speak'.]
"We've done it before, we can do it again. He cares so blinding much about us that he might even agree to it~." [You choke out for air, feeling those strings tighten on your throat as you tighten on its. You don't care, you keep pulling tighter as you only feel your throat tighten in turn.]
"I am a part of you, as much so as any other. Finish the job if you want, when he finds out we never woke up he'll loop back anyways~." [It leans closer to you, filling your slowly fading vision as your lungs burned even more, the strings tightening even further.]
"That's probably what you want, isn't it? With all that sleep medicine you put in us." [It's lying, it must be... It's just a dream, and we've defeated it once before... You use all of your draining strength to keep going tighter and tighter... and... tighter... The dream fades. Sensation, sight, feeling... all... going... away...]
[Your eyes snap open. You're in bed. Just a dream after all... Yet you can't move... You can't breathe! Your eyes dart around as you try desperately to move your limp form. All you can manage is to let out a frightened almost whimper in your panic.]
[As your eyes dart back and forth, you finally lock onto it... No... no no no no no no! It's standing there, in the corner. The Facade is watching you with your own face, eyes that should be yours alone, the cracks still forming that sick grin. It puts a finger to its fissure of a mouth, hushing you as it stares. You feel pins and needles all over your body. You still can't breathe, you still can't move!]
[As you stare in horror, waiting for it to act, it suddenly vanishes with one more blink. You finally let out a pained gasp for air, shooting to sit up in bed. You grip your throat as it burns, still taking deep gasps for air as you frantically look around to ensure it was truly gone... You're awake now, and it's gone, yet... You saw it while you were awake... You're not sure if you'll ever truly be without it, now...]
Yet another chapter done with the help of @tactical-shrubbery and stars blind it y'all, these last few chapters (and likely the next few) are RUINING ME!!! I should have the next chapter out by the end of the day (EST) as well, so keep an eye out~.
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Until the Sun Falls from the Sky
Astarion and Zelenia share a quiet moment together the night before they confront Cazador.
Read on AO3
Astarion drabble, hurt/comfort
A/n: I recently read a vampire novel by the same name, but while the story was not great, the title was amazing, so i decided to repurpose it
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Zelenia sat opposite him in the seat of the bay window, her legs tangled with his as she murmured softly to him. “Are you afraid?”
“Immeasurably.” Astarion didn't feel like lying. In truth, at that moment, he didn't know if he could. There was something about the quiet that surrounded them. The way the light of the moon bathed them both in silver and made her pale eyes glow like fallen stars. It wasn't a spell that flowed between them but a different kind of magic. One he was only just learning how to trust.
She tipped her head to the side, a curtain of snow white hair falling over her shoulder with the motion. “What of?”
His gaze became unfocused as he rested his head against the window behind him. “...Of seeing him again… Of what it will do to me… That it will change how you see me…”
She rested her chin against her knee. “...Are you really so unsure of my feelings?”
“Yes,” he admitted.
“Why?” she questioned.
Red eyes refocused on her. “I am not an easy person to care for.”
Pale eyes softened as she sighed and leaned back against the window, “Astarion…”
“I know what I am, sweetling.” He smiled bitterly. “I know all of the broken and ugly parts of me and I know-”
“I know them too,” she stopped him with a sad smile of her own. “I know the damaged pieces. I know the ugly parts. Do you think any of it matters to me?”
“Darling…”
“When you love someone, you love all of them as they are, Astarion. I know every part and piece of you, and I will not walk away. Not unless you ask me to.”
“...”
“...”
“...Please don't,” he whispered.
“Never,” she promised.
He sucked in a shaky breath. “I am afraid I don't deserve you.”
She reached between them and took his hand in hers. “I am the only one who gets to decide that.”
“Forever?” He asked.
“Forever,” she vowed. “Until the sun falls from the sky.”
He closed his eyes and whispered softly, “Until the sun falls from the sky.”
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Sugar kisses
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People's memories can be linked to places, smells or textures, today you attempt to awaken Jiro's memories with sweets!
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Wc: 1,1k
Note: wrote this kind of quickly to see if he would come home after getting a fic like Leo
Update: he didn't.
When you found out Jiro was able to eat normal food when you fed him, Nicolás would have guessed that he would show some sliver of emotion and be interested in tasting different things without his body rejecting it but it seems like you found it more fun than him.
“So you are saying the inspector asked you to bring more candy? Why is it weird? Halloween is approaching”
Bentai downed his whiskey before swiping the glass towards Rui and looking at him “but you had to see how funny they looked dragging one of your ghouls around ugh… the tall one with scars? What was his name…” his words slurring together after his third drink.
“Jiro? Mhh… they must want to make him try new flavors”
“How cute! Another couple on campus that will buy things for valentine's and white day! Let's cheer for that, Rui two on the rocks in my tab” and the blond just smiles and serves the drinks.
.✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦. .✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦.
“You seem to be really interested in this” Jiro says absentmindedly before chewing on the candy corn you were pushing against his lips, his tongue is soon drowned in sickly strong sugar caramel-like taste he quickly swallows.
“You just told me you never ate sweets, I-”
“I said I don't remember eating them since I woke up, it's likely I have eaten when I was younger but can't remember”
“Then maybe you could remember something if we try enough” he nods at your logic, there could be a probability he remembers something before his comma, even if it's unlikely. Twisting around to grab your notebook your eyes watch expectantly “so? Anything?” it's endearing how you got a whole new notebook just to record his reaction to the various sweets, writing earnestly his opinion even if it wasn't more than a word.
“It's too sweet for me” is all he says before returning to the microscope, examining tissue from an anomaly. It isn't until you whine in disappointment that he looks to the side and sees you pout “it's originated from America, I doubt I would have tasted it before. Maybe a more traditional sweet would be more likely” even if he had a pessimistic forecast for this, Yuri already attempted to at the time with no results, seeing your determined smile made a nice feeling of lightness settle between his ribs.
If candy corn was too sweet and he disliked how fudge stuck to his teeth, something about cavities and it being annoying to clean, then what could he like… After some thinking, Zenji’s voice booms in your head ‘and when Jiro was a baby his cheeks were as pink and full as strawberry dango!’ He even took his time following after you when you were buying candy, telling you all kinds of stories he remembers about Jiro that could be useful (even if he didn't remember him having a favorite food). Haku even seemed sad when you returned him his ghost.
“Let's try dango” luckily a Hotarubi student agreed to make you a batch of hanami dango even if he thought it was weird as it wasn't anywhere near Sakura watching season “open wide~”
And Jiro, ever so agreeable, turns around from his almost finished investigation and does as asked biting into the soft rice cake while gently holding your wrist between his thumb, pointer and middle finger. At first it was weird how he never had his full hand around you or refused to play wrestle ‘I don't want to hurt you accidentally’ he would say and you would smile, he couldn't possibly be strong to hurt you just having his hand around you, or so you though before seeing him snap an IV drip in half because he held it too tightly.
“Do you like it?” The question slips a few seconds after he starts chewing hoping he would have an opinion other than ‘too sweet’ or ‘fine’ but his expression -or lack of- tells you that he doesn't love it or even feel strongly about it, just like all the other candies you bought for the mini picnic date.
Still, hope is the last thing that gets lost, so you get him to try the other flavors he might possibly like more. Second flavor, no reaction “well, even if we don't find one you like I can see your cute face! Your cheeks are as round as mochi~!”
At the comment he stops chewing. Everyone would have guessed he caught his partner's compliment, but of course Jiro didn't and thought they wanted to eat “If you are hungry you can eat it, I don't mind”
“Eh? If you don't like it just tell me, I also got other types and-”
“My stomach won't really agree with it”
“Is it rejecting food again?? I will call Yuri”
“No… I'm just not used to eating so much yet” ah, it makes sense, he hasn't really eaten anything solid for a year without puking it out.
Defeated, you sit on the table beside Jiro, feet kicking the air while you pour the sweet soy sauce over the mitarashi dango. Having failed at both targets, making him remember Zenji and finding a food he likes, ruined your mood for the day
Without much hunger but not wishing to waste food you start eating until a deep voice breaks the silence.
“Why are you so insistent on this?”
“What do you mean?”
“insistent on getting my memories back”
“I just think it's sad” teeth dig into the rice cake drenched in syrup and tear it into small pieces that are easier to eat without much care for the string of liquid sliding down the corner of your mouth “If I were to forget my family and friends and all my experiences… It would be depressing”
Jiro mumbles something that is quite hard to make into a sentence because of the volume and how close the words are together “did you say something?”
getting your face closer to his in an attempt to understand his scarred hand grabs your chin and plants a kiss just where the candy was.
His eyes light up with impish joy and a boyish laugh escapes from his lips just like when he scares you or Yuri “you are really jumpy, how cute” his tongue collects the remnant sauce from his lips to the inside of his mouth.
Without a care about your warm cheeks he gets up from the chair and walks off to the door to deliver the paper but teases with a light smile “I don't truly mind not remembering anything before waking up, but if you care so much we can make new memories together”
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eulaliasims · 1 day
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Round 1, Hill Farm 4/7
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Norweni: ...you want to leave an offering for that?
Eisu: It can't hurt anything to ask the spirits' favor. Tomorrow is the festival and the peak of spring--I thought doing it tonight might be a good time.
Elmet: I'm going to pretend I can't hear any of this.
Norweni: Never did Fial and Dinn much good, but do it if you want. Why are you telling me this?
Eisu: Would you come with me?
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Norweni: Oh, don't tell me you're still afraid of caves after Drossburh.
Eisu: Just because I can find my way out of a dark cave doesn't mean I want to.
Norweni: Alright, I'll go with you.
Elmet: Still pretending I can't hear this.
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It's been a while since Eisu has been up in the hills. The cave still gives him the heebie-jeebies.
Eisu: Where'd you go?
Norweni: Had to pee. Figured it was better to pee outside than in the gods' house.
Eisu: Well... now what?
Norweni: I can't make your offering for you, Eisu.
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Eisu: ...do you think the spirits are pleased?
Norweni: It's hard to say.
Eisu: Maybe I should've made a priestess my best friend instead.
Norweni: For this, definitely!
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Eisu: Uh--
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Norweni: I wonder how far up the ore veins come...
Eisu: Norweni? Did you see that?
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Norweni: What? What?
Eisu: A bright light around the shrine.
Norweni: Spirit light. I've seen it once before, but I'm not sure what it means... I don't know why any spirits wouldn't be pleased with you, though. But maybe it's time we head back toward home.
Eisu: I think you're right. That really startled me... thank you for coming with me, Wenna.
Norweni: Sure, sure. *pats* Okay, that's enough hugging for now.
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l0stfoster · 1 day
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I wanna know more about the harpies they interest me so deeply ‼️
HARPIES TALK TIME!! They're some of my favorites to think about. I'm gonna re-post the little bits of info about them from the original post ab Cursed here, just so this can be like a little collective master list of Harpy info :D INFO BELOW THE CUT BECAUSE I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON!!! If I add more info about harpies I'll likely edit this post
- All the greaser Harpies look out for one another. It doesn't matter if they're not from the same gang, or if their gangs have tension; you look out for one another. They may necessarily not be each other's flock, but it’s natural for them to stick together. - They flock together as much as they do because a harpy escaped Tulsa once, completely disappeared, and it set all the east side harpies into a panic. They can't leave Tulsa, so it's better to always have a connection to ensure you won't HAVE to leave. - The harpies love to play fight. They will absolutely beat the shit out of each other and then grab lunch as if nothing happened. All of the harpies have bird habits too. Most of them sleep on their stomach because catching your feathers underneath yourself when sitting up hurts. - Gifting culture and flock marking with feathers is a huge thing for them all. Almost all harpies have feathers from other harpies, though the symbolism with those isn't for flock marking and stands more as a general display of loyalty. - All harpies have an inherent aversion/fear of cats since felines are a pretty big predator to birds. Even harpies of birds of prey or the birds you'd traditionally see that go for cats have that built-in instinct to avoid. (Little fun fact, they're not fans of Umbra, and Paul abuses that. He has let Umbra gnaw on Tim's feathers before out of spite) - Not a single harpy can see glass, they're all victims to the DX windows. - Pretty much all of them can enter torpor willingly as well. Some do it more often than others, it's a preference thing. - Most of the harpies can't fly well in rain, it's just difficult in most weather conditions that aren't clear skies. However, bad weather doesn't stop them from trying; it just means there's an increase in broken bones and hurt birds for a day. - All of them can chirp, coo, whistle, copy voices, etc. Certain harpies are better at it, as the kind of bird they are makes it either easier or harder. The Shepards are a good example, being black vultures and all. Vultures don't have voice boxes and usually make low growling sounds instead of other noises. But since the shepherds are harpies and not full birds, they can make normal bird chitters and such but it’s raspy because they’re not really supposed to be able to make those noises. - They're very territorial by nature. - They generally don't eat bird meat for cultural reasons, but every now and then the birds of prey and scavengers do. It's sort of in their nature to be uneasy about it, though, and they're not fond of watching people eat bird meat either. - They all have hollow bones, so they're pretty damn light. - A lot of them affection bite. - One baby harpy gets adopted by pretty much any harpy in the proximity. Two's sister was a victim of every Harpy taking the chance to fly with her, preen her, etc. It's like that motherly thing where moms will whip around if they hear any child yell "mama", only it's that the harpies will be up and arms the second a baby harpy makes a sound. - On that note, though, the babies get bulled (lightly) for their goofy-looking wings. Mostly the ones who look like blended cotton balls as babies. Some baby birds are REALLY ugly. - They have a really good sense of smell and even better eyesight. I would not want one of them hunting me down. - Their talons are hella sharp and their nails usually get sharp as fuck too.
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johnwickb1tsch · 2 days
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I demand when John met Helen (please?🥺)
Anything for you, my love! 😘😘😘
(this is an outline-ish thing from...last january? I don't know if ill ever truly write it out, so here's the whole caboodle)
warnings: violence, serious amts of shmoop
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Helen goes to a rare book shop curious if they can fix the binding of her dog eared copy of Jane Eyre. They quote her an insane price. She has a meet cute with John in the shop. Maybe she's looking through the classics, trying to find a copy of Jane Eyre so she doesn't destroy her other one more. Maybe she tells him she can't afford to fix her copy. She brought it in to ask. He is sheepish about it, but he says he could fix it for her. “What would you charge?” 
“Nothing. It's a hobby for me. I do it for relaxation.” 
“Wow. Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. You'd be doing me a favor. I could use a new project.”
She cants her head, looking at him. Weighing him. He finds himself standing up a little straighter, hoping he'll make the cut. 
“Ok. But you at least have to let me buy you lunch.” 
“I would like that,” he admits. 
“Deal.” She holds out her hand to shake. He takes her small hand in his, and doesn't want to let go. 
So he fixes her book. 
They go to lunch. And when it's time to part ways, they don't really want to. They go for a walk. And keep talking. He shyly asks if he can take her to dinner. She agrees eagerly. They fall in love in the span of a week, or maybe just that one perfect day. 
They have a date set but John has to text her to say he's not feeling well. She offers to bring him soup. He says that sounds amazing, but he doesn't want her to see him like this. In truth, he was working, and things got out of hand. He's told her he works in security. But she is not prepared for how he looks. 
Black eye. Cuts on his face. Bruised ribs. Bruises everywhere, really. 
She worries that he's trying to break their date. Making up an excuse. He can hear it in her voice. Scared he’ll lose her, (and wanting badly to see her) he agrees to let her come over that night, not sure how it will go. 
He thinks about his Manhattan apartment. Expensive, modern, very few personal touches. He's afraid she'll hate it. 
When she comes over with takeout she is shocked, and teary eyed. Seeing him in pain like this hurts her. 
“Oh my god, John, what happened to you?” 
“Sometimes, my work gets a little...spicy?” 
Lol. She just looks at him. That look. 
“I'm guessing you can't actually tell me what happened.” 
With a sad smile he shakes his head. “I want to share everything I can with you,” he admits. “But some things, it's better you don't know.” 
She chews on her lip as he tells her this. He wonders if this will be their deal breaker. But in the end she nods. “Ok, John. I trust you.”
Hearing that makes him feel better than the pain pills he'd taken earlier. 
“We could...watch a movie?” he offers, thinking snuggling with her in his arms might fix him. 
“Okay.” 
He falls asleep halfway through, and she holds him, looking at his wounds. He looks so boyish and innocent in his sleep. She fights not to cry. 
To make up for ruining their date night he offers to cook her dinner. Afterwards they kiss, in front of the window, the lights of New York shining down below. He pulls her against him, squeezing her in his strong arms like he can't get enough of her. It steals her breath away, she wants him so much.
Later,  they're out and about. She hugs him under his suit jacket, feels a blocky shape at his back. “Are you...carrying a gun?” 
“Honestly, I'm usually carrying a gun,” he admits.
After the business that went sideways, he doesn't want to get caught unawares. He can tell she doesn’t like it, but trusts him enough to go along with it. 
“Ok…”
Something happens where she gets to see him in action. It's awesome... and scary, honestly. Maybe they're walking to his car when they're ambushed by five guys. The leader is like, “Evening, John.”
“This isn't a good time, Mickey.”
M looks between Helen and John with a leer. “No time like the present, I say.”
They fight, and John lays them all out. In the end he’s taken Micky’s gun and is about to shoot him in the face. It's instinct and reflex. Finish the job. But he hears a gasp behind him. Looks to see Helen looking terrified. So he disassembles the gun. Drops all the bullets into Mickey’s face before throwing the pieces at him. 
“Come on, sweetheart, let's go.” They drive away. She is in shock. 
Afterwards, they go park somewhere with a view of the city below. She is only looking at him though. “I scared you,” he says. It's not really a question. 
“Yes and no,” she answers honestly. “I don't believe you would ever hurt me.” 
“Good. It's the truth.” 
“But I…” She trails off.
“It's OK,” he sighs, feeling so tired inside. “You can say it.” 
“I'm not sure I really believe your job is legal, John.” 
He sighs and looks at the steering wheel. “You... might be right about that.” 
She nods. His heart is in his throat. This is it. This is how he loses her, he's convinced. And she has every right to leave. He never had any business pursuing her in the first place, but…it feels like dying. 
He waits for the axe to fall, his eyes squeezed closed. 
“I don't know how to reconcile the man I saw today, and the man I know who repairs books, and cooks me gourmet dinners, and takes me on long walks while holding my hand.” 
John rests his forehead on his steepled fingers. “I’ve...never really had a choice. I was trained from childhood, to do what I do, for very bad people. It doesn't excuse me...but it is what it is. Maybe I enjoyed it, once. I am not a good man. But now…” He looks at her, with the look of a drowning man. “I would give anything, just to have you.” 
There are tears in her eyes too, he realizes. 
“Do you have to do it, forever?” she asks. “Is there no way out?” 
He shakes his head, to himself as much as her. “It's very rare,” he tells her. “And very difficult.”
She nods, and moves closer. “Will you hold me?” 
“Always.” 
He pulls her in close, thinking he could die happy like this, with her in his arms. 
Later, he asks point blank. He has to know, he can't contain it. “Are you leaving me, Helen?”
He's so certain the answer is yes. She'll try to let him down softly. I'm not sure I can do this. It's not you, it's me. 
He can hardly believe his ears when she answers, “You're not getting rid of me that easily, John Wick.”
He's not sure if the sound he makes is a laugh or a sob. He kisses her, desperate for the affirmation of her love, hardly able to believe his luck. He feels like his heart might explode, for all the love he feels for this woman. 
“I love you so fucking much,” he growls as he kisses her like he might devour her. 
Likewise, she tells him with tears in her eyes and her fingers in his hair. “Don't stop kissing me.” 
“Never,” he tells her. 
The next week he finds himself buying a ring. 
And the week after that, he finds himself bargaining with Viggo Tarasov, his freedom in exchange for slaughtering all of the boss’s rivals in one mad night of mayhem. 
If anyone can do it, it’s John Wick.
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sword-dad-fukuzawa · 3 months
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secondary lawlight frotting thought: i think L would feel delighted about kira being a sex crazed maniac and also light yagami. he's happier than a kid at christmas about it.
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sysig · 6 months
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Getting up to trouble is his speciality (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#The Captain#Mixed set! :D Lots of singular doodles - one-offs or ones that apply to a few different scenes#The kiss is random tho <3 I still haven't gotten to ZEX showing off his uniform to Zelnick! I want them to!!#Him seeing his Captain in his uniform was so lovely tho <3 I love Big Love and that was so <3 Hehe#Smooch ♥#ZEX does not eat enough ;; He eats like a bird and it's highly distressing#I actually wrote in my notes that I was surprised he wasn't hurting In The Same entry as when he was experiencing hunger pangs haha#It doesn't help that he tends to talk through meals rather than eat - he's so much more interested in making connections with humans!#As far as metaphors go - killing himself for the sake of trying to bridge that gap - I mean it's apt but ZEX please#I think it was while he was talking to Wally at one point that he framed the War in a very flippant light-hearted way which was funny to me#I don't think that's the descriptor most people would use haha#Swearing <3 <3 VUX terminology <3 <3#I want a VUX glossary of terms so badly hehe I've been slowly compiling a few here and there :3 Direct translation! The dream ♫#Him getting stressed enough to swear is very endearing haha ♪ What do you mean I'm endeared by everything he does don't be silly#The next one of me deeply enjoying when he's creepy is not proof of anything! Just because I Happen to also like that!!#I do really love when he's creepy tho agh <3 <3 The mental image of him as The Hunter - casually cornering and capturing his prey <3#In that instance he was interrupted pretty quickly but the setup was there!! And it was extremely good!!!#I love how huffy he gets as well haha ''All these humans interrupting my seduction attempts >O( ...Wait O|'' lol#And finally an exchange on the board between him and Scarecrow haha so many fun faces around!!#I love him being completely baffled by a non-mechanical construct it just short-circuits his brain haha ♥#He's so intelligent but there exists things unknowable!#The image of him tapping his pen is so Incredibly cute ah <3 Where did he learn such a thing! Does it translate from his VUX form to this ♪#Anything everything ♥ Learned or known! It's wonderful
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warlordfelwinter · 11 months
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become what you must
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fourswords · 11 months
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zelda and shadow in the fsa manga drive me ridiculously insane actually. the panel where shadow is kneeling on the floor and zelda is standing there looking down at him and they're SEEING each other is enough to give me fucking RABIES. LOOK AT THIS
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#IT'S ABOUT HOW THEY GO FROM ANTAGONIZING EACH OTHER AT THE BEGINNING TO ACTUALLY TRULY GENUINELY SEEING EACH OTHER AT THE END!!!!#HOW ZELDA GOES FROM 'You're no shadow! More like a faint and twisted echo! Even at his WORST Link would never be as crude and rude as you!'#TO 'Do you really think the light will hurt you? Don't you see? You are a Link‚ too. Deep inside‚ you're really a hero.'#AND HOW SHADOW GOES FROM 'Curse you... ...Princess Zelda!'#and. all the other things#TO BRAVING THE WORLD OF LIGHT AGAIN EVEN THOUGH HE'S WEAKENED AND PAINED AND TERRIFIED OF THE LIGHT#BECAUSE SHE WAS THE FIRST PERSON WHO EVER SPOKE A KIND WORD TO HIM AND MEANT IT. NO STRINGS ATTACHED. NO REWARD. JUST KIND.#EVEN WHEN SHE HAD ALL THE REASON NOT TO BE.#SO HE TAKES VIO'S FORM AND TELLS THE OTHER LINKS WHAT'S GOING ON (AND EXPERIENCES REAL CONCERN AND WORRY FROM THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER#WHICH IS A WHOLE OTHER FUCKING POST) AND SHATTERS THE FUCKING MIRROR. SHATTERS HIS WHOLE LIFE.#BECAUSE SHE BELIEVED IN HIS ABILITY TO BE A HERO. BECAUSE SHE WAS KIND TO HIM. BECAUSE SHE SAW HIM. BECAUSE SHE *REALLY* SAW HIM.#BECAUSE HE WANTED TO SAVE HER. TO LIVE UP TO THAT KINDNESS. TO BE THE HERO SHE SAW IN HIM. LIKE!!!!!!!!!#i will lose my mind over it. i will genuinely lose my mind.#she looked at him as pathetic and weak and broken as he was and saw her friend in him. and she was kind. and so he sacrificed himself.#because someone was kind to him and meant it. head in my FUCKING hands.#sorry it's going insane about the four swords adventures manga again hours. but when is it not honestly#fsa#txt
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omgiamwish · 9 months
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Hello hello! If anybody wants to send me some mp100 fanart prompts, now is a good time! Curse the wretched artblock lol
things i will draw (non-exhaustive): fluff, light angst and/or whump, g-rated terumob or ritshou, up to 3 characters per drawing (not counting dimple, you can add him for free)
things i Will NOT draw: other ships, 18+ content, grimdark, gore, comics, ocs
please be respectful and understand that if a prompt does not interest me, i simply will not draw it. that is why i call them prompts instead of requests. if you have any questions, feel free to ask!
love you <3
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aberooski · 19 days
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I love Taylor. I always have and to some degree I always will. She means too much to me and is such an important figure and source of joy and light in my life when I desperately needed, and a connection to my own father that I need desperately, to deny that I will always look on her fondly to some degree as silly as that may seem sometimes and to some people.
But that doesn't mean I don't/won't/can't be critical of her or be disappointed or disagree with choices she makes or has made, because I absolutely have been and I absolutely am.
My problem is that I always, with every fiber of my being, look for and try to see the best in people and believe in people until I absolutely can't anymore. Unless it's something truly reprehensible and irredeemable, my brain simply cannot comprehend the idea that one bad decision or mistake trust me I know she's made more than one lately can automatically invalidate or negate anything and everything good a person has ever done. I've genuinely tried to understand it and unfortunately, I can't wrap my head around the concept. I give grace to a fault. I get sad when I see things said about her in a negative light even when I completely understand and even agree, because I have so much love for her in my heart. It's that tride and true naive, blind optimism in me I guess.
But I do not in any way think she's a perfect person, I know she isn't, because nobody is. Some are just better at hiding that than others. She makes mistakes, she's wrong sometimes, she is a human being who messes up. Sometimes in big ways. And unfortunately she's messed up a few times over the last year or so and that makes me sad. It disappoints me because I love her so much, and I do want and expect better of her. And in the process of that, it makes me very sad that I feel like I have to hide the facet of myself that does still love her despite my disappointment in her or risk making people upset with me now because I'm so afraid of upsetting people. I'm terrified of doing or saying the wrong things I try so hard to do the best I can every day and it's disappointing to see her slip up. It's sad. It makes me very sad.
It's a complicated time to love her right now. I hope, in my heart of hearts, I sincerely hope that sooner rather than later it won't have to be that way anymore. Not just for me, but for all of us who feel that complexity or conflict of emotions.
#I don't know I'm just talking out my ass I just have a lot of thoughts running through my head I don't really know how to articulate well#I just always want to believe the best in people I don't like to judge people I don't like to condemn people or see that happen#unless someone is truly reprehensible and deserving of condemnation and I just don't feel in my heart that she is like some people do#I don't know maybe that makes me a bad person...? sometimes I feel like there are people who would think that it does and that makes me sad#I know I keep saying I don't know but I truly don't know. I'm just tired. sometimes I wish I didn't care#but the fact of the matter is that I do. I care about people I love people I want nothing but the best for people#I want to believe the best in people and in my heart I believe that she is the person I always thought she was. someone who is good and kin#who makes mistakes but is ultimately better for them because she learns from those mistakes and grows#or maybe I just want to believe she's like me and always looks for the best in people and sees the best in people to a fault#until she can't deny the truth anymore if they're not good people.#sometimes you blind yourself to the things in people or situations that you don't want to see until it's impossible to anymore#I know because I've been there. not in the same kinds of situations granted but I've blinded myself and hurt myself so much to hang on#I've ruined my entire life holding onto the past. not wanting to move on into the stage of my life I'm actually in#and trying to stay in my childhood as long as possible when the truth is it's long gone. i can't get it back.#but I can keep her. I can keep that piece of it. and oh god I want to. I pray to god the truth of her heart is revealed#and that that truth is good. that that truth is a relief and a reassurance to those like me and many others looking for it lately#maybe I'm just being naive I guess. but dammit I want to see light on the other side no matter what. it's a blessing and a curse sometimes.#I just want people to love each other and be kind to one another and coexist with one another peacefully... that's all I want... 😔#I want people to be able to love who and what they love without shame or fear to be who they are unapologetically without shame or fear#I just want love and hope and light in this world goddammit it shouldn't be as hard as it is these days 😔#I love you all. so much. no matter what. never forget that. ❤#abby's insomnia thoughts
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