#TIME TO RELIVE THE PAIN

[shinobus-left-eye]

ain't no way they just announced Element on EN THERE AIN'T NO WAYYYYY DOES THIS MEAN WE GET ECCENTRIC PARTY NIGHT AND GENUINE REVELATION EARLY???

[catabasis]

The man without a home. The lonely god.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

“hold on to your heart” // do me a favour live at forest hills stadium new york 08/09/23 ♡

[daylighteclipsed]

Y’all ever think about if Sora falls to darkness that inside his heart will look like the Destiny Islands falling again

[ends-of-the-wayward-storm]

Spoilers for Diasomnia (a.k.a. Book 7/Chapter 7)

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"Seize that creature!"

[dathen]

“Jonathan Harker is in a time loop and can’t break free of the horrors” NO!!!! It is I who is in the time loop.

[devour-the-rude]

Hello all! If you recognize this blog name that’s because I had a blog by this name that I deleted a while ago. I just wasn’t as obsessed with Hannibal as I used to be, and I hardly went on tumblr so I impulsively deleted my account. I highly regret it lol.

So now I’m starting over!

[hylianane]

Sorry for going nuts in your askbox last night, however I just reread those tags and I'm back because I can't stop thinking about that tree

And about how slowly draining Zoro of his will would make him,, almost unrecognizable as Zoro.

What's the point if I'm never going to be strong enough to protect everyone? I might as well nap forever...

It's living in my head rent free it's such a good concept it's so fucked up I'm obsessed

Nooooo dont say sorry I was so excited to get your messages. I’ve had a busy busy morning so I havent had time to answer them but know I am very glad that you liked my ideas. You’re very sweet with all this encouragement.

AND LIKE YEAH I think on his daily basis, Zoro feels very fulfilled by his dream, hardships and all. But that doesn’t mean he just shrugs off every harrowing defeat. You can see very clearly that the stick with him, specially Kuma who represents a legit trauma to him (in the most in-your-face way, he had a flashback and was frozen in terror the next time he saw him). These moments don’t outnumber nor outweigh the good things about his life and his adventure, but I think if you pushed him just right, and played your cards right, you could convince him that they do. Make that iron will waver juuust long enough to get some good character exploration and angst out of it

[grinchwrapsupreme]

One thing Being Human does really well is show the different ugly ways trauma can manifest - anger, sadness, becoming convinced of things that aren't true - and how conflicting traumas can result in actively hostile relationships

[tally-ho-hurrah-bravo]

will you guys murder me if i, renowned kazeki poster tally-ho-hurrah-bravo, admit that i have NEVER watched the kazeki ova

[frecklystars]

Wow, 32 asks. Thank you guys so much 😭😭 last night was one of the worst shifts I ever had at work. I feel like i keep reverting back to a year ago when everything was fresh. it's been extraordinarily difficult the past couple of months but it always eases the ache when I read nice messages. it genuinely calms me down a lot when other people tell me it's gonna be ok. so thank you to everyone who took the time to do that for me ;-;

I'm gonna be honest, I feel super hopeless. I am not getting joy from anything right now. Drawing, socializing, watching movies, listening to music, I'm feeling *absolutely nothing*. I am triggered by the SMALLEST fucking things that I thought I was getting better at handling. I'm having trouble wearing skirts again. I'm flinching around the color pink when I was doing SO much better with it. For the last nine days, I haven't gone three hours without having a panic attack. I'm not sleeping. My flashbacks are lasting longer. I'm having out of body experiences again for the first time in almost a year. I feel so hopeless. I told myself one year ago "hey I feel like I'm dying right now my ptsd is so fucking bad but! hey! one year from now, I'll feel better! this will feel so far away from me!" but I don't. I don't feel better. I don't think it's possible to feel better bc I'm too broken. It's been over a year and I don't feel like it's possible for me to make progress.

My Barbie/Ken anniversary is coming up and I was excited for the first couple of weeks, but right now I just... feel absolutely nothing. I am so, so, so severely depressed and my anxiety is getting worse every day. I need help out of my unsafe situation so fucking bad dude it's just gonna kill me. I'm so scared this whole thing is gonna genuinely kill me. I wish I could talk about it but I don't want to scare people but at the same time, it's so bad and it's weighing on me so heavily and I am so fuckign tired of dealing with this every single day

I don't know if I'm gonna go offline or not, bc my problem isn't even online. so... I don't see how being offline would help much. I just feel like I'm supposed to do SOMETHING, literally ANYTHING to feel something. Going offline last time made me feel significantly worse, so maybe that shouldn't be my next step. But I feel nothing when I'm blogging right now. I tried making a Jacob edit the other day and I felt no joy. I want to be filling up my queue for the 21st, all of my Barbie and Ken photos and gifsets. I should be writing Barbie and Ken love notes. I should be making video edits again! but I feel nothing!!! This is the one and only anniversary that actually matters to me this year - sorry to the other 12 Ryan F/Os who have anniversaries but THIS ONE is THE most important one, because these two characters are the F/Os that have helped me the most with my abuse trauma/cptsd. They're the whole reason why I started self shipping again. I want to celebrate that. I want to be excited about it. I am just so fucking numb.

I NEED to feel something for this anniversary, I miss celebrating F/O anniversaries! I don't get to do that anymore since self shipping was ruined for me! Since my main F/Os were ruined for me! I deserve to have a good time with my new F/Os!! I am a good person and I am kind despite all the bullshit I've been through and I work really hard to try to heal from shit! I try to stay positive and I try to help people and I!!! Deserve!! To have a day where I feel good with my F/Os without reliving every single horrifying vile thing that someone did to me! but I feel so empty right now and it hurts! I was excited a couple of weeks ago when I was planning all the activities i was gonna do on the 21st, like a restaurant and a movie and baking and throwing a party with my friends, but now?? Nothing. Absolutely NOTHING in my heart. I feel so goddamn empty. I am so depressed. I really really feel like I can't get better. It's been over a year and I am incapable of healing from my trauma and I don't know what to do about it. I am trying so many things to heal!! I'm going walking, I'm eating way healthier and cutting sugar to see if that helps clear my head a bit more, I'm getting sun, I'm drinking so much water, I'm exercising, I've cut my screen time significantly and reading more often, I'm hanging out with my friends as much as I can, I am trying everything in the book and I feel like a zombie just sitting here and rotting to death, going through the motions and reliving my trauma in my head over and over and over and over and over and over again and I can't get any fucking peace. It's like everybody in the world is living their days while the planet is spinning but I am stuck in the same spot reliving the most horrific bullshit imaginable over and over and over. I feel like I've lost almost 2 years of my life to trauma. I don't feel like I've aged, I feel like everything happened yesterday. I feel like I'm stuck in one spot while everybody else is walking forward and I can't move.

Sorry to ramble I didn't mean to turn this into a vent post but idk what else to do. I don't know if I should go offline on my actual anniversary or maybe a couple of days leading up to it?? Or maybe I'm supposed to BE online and blog about the F/Os to see if that helps me feel better?? Being offline made me feel worse. But being online isn't helping me either. Dude I don't fucking know. I need to work on some crafts or something. I need to make a BarbieLand diorama and paint it. I'm gonna bake heart shaped cookies for the first time this weekend. I'm gonna invite my friends over and we're gonna have a party on Sunday and watch the Barbie movie together. I don't know what else to do but I have to just... keep trying I guess even though I feel nothing while doing these things, it's better than doing nothing

If anyone has advice or something, it's more than welcome. Or even just a "wow, that's rough, buddy". I'm sorry for being negative, I try to remain positive on this hellsite but it's so hard right now. Thank you again to everyone who wrote me a nice message last night when I was hurting. I'm sorry I'm gonna probably be asking for encouraging messages a few more times in the next few weeks bc supportive messages are the only things that have been effectively (affectively?) helping me lately

[heretherebedork]

Okay.

Hmmm.

Absolute Zero giving me pause there. Because hmmmm.

So Ongsa is still going for the romance with Suansoon, even though he knows this leads to his death... but he's also not there in their future. He starts this and then he leaves again.

Honestly? It's fascinating. Suansoon trying so hard to find his love with Ongsa and set him free so he won't be hurt and then finding himself still in love but now alone and Ongsa, knowing his death/danger is lurking pursuing the romance but now with a dark cloud over him and the constant knowledge that he's likely to leave Suansoon and how Suansoon handles it and just...

I don't know.

I find it all fascinating. The idea of this love and how much they both need but now the constant looming idea of loss that has pervaded the story and filled them both up.

Ongsa no longer gets in an accident but now Suansoon wakes up alone in a nightmare he created, wakes up alone because he was trying so hard to save the person he loved that he destroyed his own life.

Suansoon went back in time to reexperience the love he had and to give Ongsa a chance to save his own life because he was rather he be alive than they be together but now he's living in a world where Ongsa is no longer in his life and his misery has overtaken any of the knowledge that Ongsa wasn't hurt and it's just a fascinating way to view love.

Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all or is it better to never love and so never lose? Suansoon was so sure it was better to save Ongsa by stopping their relationship but now he is living a world without that and he is destroying himself.

The hope he thought he would find knowing that Ongsa wasn't injured never happened. Instead he wakes up alone in a cold bed and he is realizing that now he doesn't even know where Ongsa is and that love that he took comfort from, the family he had gotten, no longer exists.

It aches. It echoes and it aches and Ongsa is questioning his own mortality while Suansoon has parallel lives where ones knows too much and the other knows too little and he is torn between the lives he has lived.

[iristial]

Keiwa's a resolute good boy with huge visions and minimal planning, which the DGP glorifies in their engineered heroics, and he experiences very human reactions, which the DGP turns up their noses at and mock him for because they have the privilege of eugenics and being viewers outside the situation who "know better". That being said, they lost me at the he wants to turn Tsumuri into the next goddess part. Actually, what got to me was Ace trusting Tsumuri to Keiwa without a second thought. He's seen Keiwa fall and crack but never truly break. Even when he tricked him twice, even when Girori and then Chirami tried to manipulate him, even when everything took a turn for the worst. For someone like Ace who's experienced countless centries of pain and soldiered on for his desire, someone like Keiwa would stand out. Maybe it'll have that ancient soul believe Keiwa will suffer and rise above it as per usual. Except he won't. At least for now

[be-good-to-bugs]

you would think considering how much it loves sleeping that my body would, yknow, sleep when i ask it to. or even just when it has barely slept in days and im trying so hard to sleep

[itskeej]

have u got a favourite ask? like your favourite thing you've been asked using the ask feature. even if it's not a question

i don't think i have like... one favourite ask because there's a lot of them that i either REALLY liked my response for and had fun doing or the ask made me laugh a lot. or im gay but shhshshshsh

here is a mini compilation of some!

THERE'S LIKE SO MANY MORE I ENJOY SO I JUST GRABBED SOME OF THE ONES THAT WOULD ACTUALLY LOAD ON MY LAPTOP-

y'all are too funny sometimes though is the TL;DR