#THIS is what makes you fall apart?
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homecoming â â
joel miller x f! reader
a/n: i wrote this at like 3:30am đŠą
wc: 1.6k
warnings: 18+ MNDI, really light choking, dry humping, piv, some praise, oh and some hair pulling but i feel like joel miller smut = some hair pulling.. with me at least cus like.. THE CURLS (not proofread and much longer than intended)
okay so Joel coming back from a trip, maybe it wasnât even super long, a week or so but nothing you guys havenât weathered before.
but for some reason; maybe itâs been a long time since he was away from you for even a day.. Joel all but loses his mind without you.
itâs like he goes into heat or something. like his body knows that he canât have you and suddenly its craving you 10x its usual amount.
he comes back late at night, near midnight. all the guys wanted to take shelter for the night, arrive at the community in the morning but Joel hadnât mentally prepared himself for another night without you. he refused to go another night without you.
youâre snug in bed when he crawls in. youâre pulled from your sleep by the dip in the bed but you instantly recognize the broad chest pressing against your back.
you gasp and bury your hand in his hair as quickly as possible. you reach over his face as he gives your neck a kiss and presses closer to you, poking you in the back with a feeling youâve missed.
âis this okay? iâve missed you so much, love.â you only hum in response, arching your back so he can grind against the plush of your ass, an opportunity he graciously accepts. he groans low and rough into the back of your neck as he starts humping you. âwe can stop if youâre sleepy, baby.. shit.â his arm comes to wrap around you.
his forearm stretches diagonally across your torso as he cups your blood with his palm, using you for leverage to grind himself more forcefully into your ass. âcould- oh god.. mmm we could w-wait forâ until theââ
âbaby, shut up.â is all you mumble before twisting to finally devour his lips in a kiss that he whines into. whines
his frantic humping turns into purposeful grinding as you pull away. his breathing is more erratic than youâve ever heard it. his eyes are shut as tightly as his hand is gripping your hip, surely leaving dents in your skin.
you turn back around to bury your face in the pillow in front of you, too uncomfortable with your body twisted but leaving your hand to play with his hair. âneeded me this bad, baby?â
you try to sound teasing, dominant but instead the question comes out high and breathy, sounds as desperate as heâs acting.
all you get in response is a growl from Joel before his hand leaves your boob to flip your body around, letting you face him, letting youâ for the first timeâ really take in his disheveled state.
his hair is mussedâ definitely your doing, but his lips are red and bitten, presumably from holding in his sounds to not disturb the silence of the night. his eyes are blown wide, glinting with a crazed look as he grinds into you gently.
he has his hand on your thigh, your leg pulled over his hip do he can grind right into your core, sending convulsions throughout your body.
after taking him in you meet his eyes again and he crumbles. whimpering a loose form of your name before burying his face in your neck and inhaling your scent as his hand coming to your lower back to press your body into his.
âiâve needed you more that air, dove. been craving your soft body, your- fuck- your sweet sounds.â his voice gets high near the end of the sentence, only reminding you of his need. âswear iâve been seeing you in the stars at night. mâlosin my goddamn mind over yaâ.â
his desperation is leaking into your veins now, the same way youâve started to seep into your underwear, growing tired and teased with Joelâs incessant movements against you.
you stay silent, let him release wet moans into your skin as you take matters into your own hands.
you grab his waist band and pull the buttons apart so roughly you may have broken them. you keep up your urgent demeanor as you free his cock from its confines.
his hips donât stop moving as you fumble with his pants, he grinds against the air, your hands and your wrists, anything he can reach.
he moans your name when you wrap your hand around him but his breath is stolen as you quickly pull your panties aside and shove him in.
heâs surrounded in your wet warmth before he can take another breath. the same heat heâs been dreaming of, craving, fiending for over the course of the past week.
his head is finally pulled from your neck as he sits up a bit with his hand on your throat, his index finger and thumb holding your jaw in place as he forces you to look him in the eye.
his brows are furrowed and thereâs a look of confusion and a softness that feels like begging in his eyes. youâre waiting for him to scold you, remind you whoâs in charge, that you donât do anything without his permission first. but instead he just pants against you, incapable of taking even breaths as his hips twitch softly and against his will into you.
you hold his eye contact as your hands come to the base of his spine, pressing down and curving his hips into you, guiding his slow and gentle thrusts.
his face crumples in pleasure, all his features scrunching in as he tries not to moan into your face. his hand twitches on your throat before tightening again as he leans down to press you against his forehead before resting his cheek on yours as he finally releases all the sounds heâs been holding in.
first you get a guttural groan, something that sounds like it came from the depths of his chest; low and rumbling. as his hips begin to move on their own accord, his moans change. they become more urgent, short and cut off as he tries to catch his breath. every now and then it sounds like the first syllable of your name but heâs never able to get the full thing out. âthere you go, sweetheart. just like that.â
you try and stay composed as you guide him but heâs ramming into your g-spot like heâs been searching for it for weeks. your brain is turning to mush, melting out of your ears. when Joel pulls his face away from yours, wanting to examine your state, he can tell. he can tell that youâre not all there, that youâre holding on by a thread for him. it fills his chest with pride.
you watch a lazy smirk slide over his face as his hooded eyes meet yours. âitâs okay, baby.. mâhere now.â
Joel lifts one of your legs, gripping your thigh and pushing it to meet your chest. âyou donât gotta be all tough anymore.â it feels as though heâs opened up a new channel inside your pussy, like heâs reaching places that werenât accessible before. like heâs reached heaven, inside you. âyou can let go, darlinâ.â
you explode.
its that godforsaken southern drawl of his. whenever he talks to you in his low, smooth voice, like pouring warm honey right into your ear, filling your brain with sweetness. you have no choice but to fall apart. you hadnât even been aware of how badly youâd been craving him.
you knew you missed him of course, but you thought youâd be satisfying yourself decently in his absence.
you obviously had forgotten when your orgasms feel like when they belong to Joel.
it feels like your body falls completely apart. you donât feel attached your limbs anymore. all you can feel is the warmth blossoming violently in your abdomen. your thighs shake, and Joel tightens his grip, wanting to feel the rippling muscles under his palm.
he watches your brows furrow as your eyes roll back. you go limp in his arms, your entire body relaxed as your soak his cock in your juices.
Joel fucks into you at a leisurely pace, forgetting his desperation in favor of watching you melt into the bed. but as he thrusts he watches you slowly coat his cock, giving him a milky sheen, an award for his actions and a reminder of your own craving for him.
itâs more than a punch in the gut, itâs like heâs been completely winded, like someone has punctured his lungs and crushed his heart inside his chest.
he gasps once and sees your eyes snap open to his, waiting and watching as his body folds in on itself to fill you with its seed.
Joel almost falls on top of you, his arm catching him before he lowers himself into your lips. heâs too busy moaning your name and praises to kiss you properly. he rests his lips against yours as his mind clears, blank and thoughtless, finally satiated after a week of driving him crazy.
his body weight slowly increases as he blankets you, his cock pulsing inside you gently, gently pumping pent up ropes of cum into you despite the small amount already leaking onto your thighs.
âlove you sâmuch.â Joel mumbles groggily into your ear. his hand comes up to stroke your head, soothing you as he notices your rapid heartbeat. âyouâre my perfect girl, yâknow that? everything i dream of, everything pure.â you feel that terrifying warmth spread through your chest, that intense, buzzing love that blooms in your chest whenever he opens his mouth.
âi know, joey.â your hand slides out of his hair and down his back, scratching gently and relishing in the way you feel his chest rumble with a contented hum. âi love you so much more, yâknow that?â
he chuckles softly before biting you semi-gently. âno way.â he sighs against your skin. âainât possible.â he licks over his teeth marks before kissing them.
his lips just barely ghost over the area as he falls asleep, his cock warm and soaked inside you.
a horrid surprise for Tommy when he tries to welcome his brother home with a âgourmetâ breakfast in bed service.
#i just love desperate guys#especially when theyâre big and tough#like..#THIS is what makes you fall apart?#my pussy?#awwww#babyyyy#ur so sweet#joel miller fanfic#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#joel miller#joel miller x you#joel miller x y/n#joel miller story#joel miller self insert#joel miller tlou#joel miller the last of us#joel miller imagine#joel miller one shot#joel miller pedro pascal#joel miller age gap#cus always and ofc#joel miller drabble#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#joel miller fluff#joel miller hbo#joel miller headcanon#joel miller blurb
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OK JUST A LITTLE THING BECAUSE IM INSANE @cubbihue
Song: Plastic by Cheekface
#IDENTITY HORROR MY BELOVED#I want to watch him fall apart#I need him to explode#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#animation#animatic#art#digital art#fanart#body horror#I sent in an anon ask a bit ago about Chimmy being able to accidentally destroy himself if he realized what he was#and that idea makes me so so so crazy#The slow dawning horror that you arent yourself#followed by the horrific deterioration of your body as a direct result of your knowlege#like a punishment you cant undo#a horrible cycle of falling to pieces reinforcing this horrific reality and that horrific reality tearing you to pieces#you know now. you cant go back even if you want to#and the visual symbolism body horror of literally falling into pieces. AGHGhgh he's hollow in there just so you know#He could stick his whole arm in and not reach the back of his skull its just a dark pit completely hollow and unnatural#I like to think if you looked deep enough you could see stars#AUGHGH STRIPPING CHARACTERS OF THEIR HUMANITY MY BELOVED#removing even their basest comforts. Even their body isnt familiar to them anymore#Its this strange horrifying thing. What will it do next? Was it ever theirs? Should they be afraid?#and in my hands the answer will always be yes#Sorry Im going insane I love your au#I like characters who cling on to humanity that can never be theirs â„
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I feel like people forget that Merlin at the start of the show ALSO tied his self-worth to having a purpose. I know it's like clearer at the end of the show that he would choose Arthur over probably anything else, but the very first episode of the show explicitly has him saying that he might as well die if he can't use his magic but also that he's desperate to know WHY he has it, WHY he's different, WHY he is the way he is.
Merlin felt like he needed a purpose to keep going. That's why he left Ealdor to go to Camelot, and that's why he formed a sense of self around helping Arthur because at the end of the day he was always looking for something greater than himself to explain why he was born with magic while others were not.
Idk I always see people saying the writers making Merlin's obsession with his destiny become his sense of self by the end was... bad writing? but I always felt like he clearly had the potential to go that route from the very beginning.
#bbc merlin#merlin#i personally love the journey#is it the healthiest no obv not but that's what's so interesting to me#that's what makes it good and compelling television#it's that TLOU journey in a way would you let the world fall apart to save the one person that helped you find yourself (again)
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if you unironically think "proshippers made the selfship community", I will banish you to the dumbass dimension for all eternity.
#monthly rent lowering shots#but genuinely this statement is so fucking dumb#+ the argument of âfiction doesnt affect realityâ COMPLETELY falls apart if you selfship#like this FICTION is affecting YOUR REALITY. YOU HAVE THEM AS A F/O. YOU THINK OF IT AS A IRL RELATIONSHIP#GET OVER YOURSELF#even IF proshippers made this community#so what#im still allowed to think youre weird and make my own space that dont have you#its like a appeal to authority EXCEPT YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY#selfship#proships dni#[just me yapping]#self ship community#self ship#ok to rb#[discourse talk]
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does anyone else constantly think about smeared lipstick paradigm hongjoong or is it just me.
#brain chemistry was altered when these pics dropped#THE SMEARED LIPSTICK.#what id give to he the stylist that got to apply that lipstick and smear it :))#i seriously need to make out with this man i think ill perish if i cannot have him#just wanna put on lipstick just for him to kiss me breathlessly until the lipsticks all over him#imagine getting home from some fancy soirĂ©e#youâre both tipsy from all the wine#youâre stumbling thru the front door tearing off each otherâs expensive clothes#heâs got you pinned against the wall kissing you like he might die if he breaks away for too long#the only air you can breath is each otherâs#and he pulls away with a smirk and all your lipstick smeared across his mouth#oh fuck#I think Iâd đŠđŠ right then#alternatively#imagine vampire!hongjoong feasting on you while heâs two fingers deep inside you#youâre a mess and heâs drunk off your life essence#and he just watches you fall apart while your blood stains his chin#OODHDJDHDHDHDH#why do I do this to myself#hongjoong smut#hongjoong hard thoughts#ateez hard thoughts#joongie#đȘ
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What Mahito did: Manipulate Junpei into being his friend and then killed him in front of Yuji, laughed about Yuji's desperation to save him, killed Nanami, got Nobara into a coma, destroyed one of Todo's hands
Yuji with Mahito at the end:
What Sukuna did: Threaten to kill Yuji's friend multiple times, ripped Yuji's heart out of his chest and then tricked him into making a Binding Vow that he would have to forget in order to bring him back to life, laughed at Yuji when he desperately begged him to try and save Junpei, told him over and over again that his mere existence would bring destruction simply by being his vessel, destroyed Shibuya and killed countless of innocent people, ditched Yuji to make Megumi his new vessel, then sinked Megumi's soul as deep as he could in darkness in order to keep control of his body, killed Tsumiki, killed Gojo, killed Kashimo, killed Higuruma, killed Choso, almost killed Yuta and pushed him into using Kenjaku's CT to get into Gojo's body, kept praising literally everyone else but Yuji (while still trying to kill them), who he kept talking shit about instead, got pissed when Yuji showed pity and told him that he would kill every single person still left alive that Yuji cared about before finally killing him
Yuji with Sukuna at the end:
#personal#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#sukuita#like whaaaaaat#Sukuna: did much more evil things to Yuji#Yuji: don't worry pookie I love you anyway#Mahito: looks at Yuji the wrong way#Yuji: I will rip you apart piece by piece and watch as the light vanishes from your eyes and-#-I will track down every future reincarnated version of you to do the same over and over until the end of time#like#I don't even like Mahito but my boy Yuji was WILD#he's down BAD for Sukuna I just can't see it any other way bro#also I might have forgotten some thing but tbh Sukuna has done so much shit to poor Yuji I can't remember it all#the point still stands lmao Mahito did a FRACTION of what Sukuna did and got no pity I love my absolutely whipped son#Yuji and Kenjaku both absolutely obsessed with their respective Ryomen twin the apple truly does not fall far from the tree lmaooo#Yuji really said he'd keep living with Sukuna no matter what anyone else might say or think and that he'd stay by his side till the very end#they make me absolutely and completely feral#these bitches gay#(good for them)
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This was gonna be a reply to a reply but I thought maybe I should just make my own post. Yes this is about Vi again.
It's no secret that "Vi should've fought for Zaun" and the expectation of her being Vander's prodigy and feeling like the plot dropped the ball on her in that regard and the betrayal at the fact that she's living comfortably in Piltover now are. Frequent sentiments in the fandom. Which I get, but also I feel that this line of expectations is. Diverging from who Vi actually is by the end and what she was realistically capable of.
Vi in season 2 is basically running on fumes and because she has no other options. It is a well known thing in irl activist spaces that to participate in any kind of fight for justice you need to take care of yourself, otherwise you won't have the energy to be any kind of useful to your community. Ekko also says this - "It's not enough to give people what they need to survive, you have to give them what they need to live". Vi has been surviving and not living in any shape or form for years, she's exhausted and broken in places. That's no mental state to fight for Zaun or make any kinda change. I think it's extremely realistic and human and hardly a flaw of writing or the character if by the end the only thing she was able to do was collapse into the safety and peace she was offered for the first time in forever (aka Caitlyn). It's clear that in her last scene she's still recovering mentally - Cait seems to be excited to have any sign of life (singing) from her at all, and the "Are you still in this fight?" question is very loaded. (But it's indicated that Vi is very much still in the fight, so? It's really anyone's guess what she'll do once she's healed and remembers how to live. And don't bring up LoL's Vi brutality thing, it's clear they're different characters).
I think in wanting to see Vi stand up for Zaun or be Vander's prodigy we often deny her the flaw of being a breakable human and forget just how much she's held together by duct tape. Just because she was full of this 'fuck Piltover' fire as a kid doesn't mean she is still capable of matching that energy. Sometimes after lots of trauma humans grow up into tired adults who just want to sit down and feel safe regardless of where it happens and how questionable it might look (re: living in Piltover). Not to mention, that even as a child Vi's main reason for fuming at the Topside was wanting safety for her family and herself. Well, now she's all out of family, she's estranged from the community of Zaun thanks to being in prison for 7 years and Silco changing the place so much, and the only person who's offering her safety and not more fighting (which she's exhausted and thoroughly burnt out from!) is Caitlyn, so. How is where she ended up any kind of surprising or a failure of her writing/character?
Yes, a lot of people wanted a revolutionary, no, Vi isn't one. Dare I say, never really was one. At her lowest, when she's got no one left to protect, she's not trying to fill in that void by taking on protecting Zaun and becoming a vigilante or something, no, she spirals. That is not something on her radar, that's not something she's visibly cut out to do, she cares so so much but on a smaller scale. Even the whole shimmer factory debacle was less about Zaun and more about her desire to hurt Silco personally for what he'd done to her family. If Jinx agreed to run away with her back at the tea party Vi would ditch the entirety of Zaun (potentially leaving it to Silco forever since he's still alive at that point) in a heartbeat to keep her sister and save Cait in one move. She puts on an enforcer uniform BECAUSE she cares for Jinx (through convincing herself that at the very least she should take her out of her misery herself rather than leaving it to people who don't care, yes) and Cait both.
Perhaps a hot take, but not becoming a leader despite being good at taking hits to the head and caring about people in general and being a daughter of one does not make Vi a badly written character or a bad person. It just makes her a person. And a character whose arc culminated in choosing herself. And choosing yourself sometimes means leaving the fight to others (perhaps temporarily, considering the final dialogue). And that's okay.
Arcane is tragedy about flawed people, not a feel-good story about a successful revolution and rich people paying for their crap, and it was never going to be. Ergo one of our main character isn't an upcoming hero in shining armor who was allegedly robbed of her potential. She's just a broken young woman who barely knows how to keep her own little life together and her biggest victory by the end is allowing herself to take a breath and live for once. Yes, while her home down there is still in shambles. Yes, that sounds selfish. For some people a bit of selfishness is the greatest thing they can ever learn for themselves.
#arcane#arcane s2#vi#vi arcane#long post#I maybe very lazy at fandom participation these days but one thing you can expect of me#is getting miffed by someone's point about a character and making a mini-essay about her#not all stories are about successful changes and world injustices fixed!#sometimes they are about people falling apart at the seams and also folly of a man#while being set in unjust settings#I get it. The world we live right now - we want to see shit getting fixed and our blorbos being heroes#but this one is a tragedy. the injustice is a setting. not the villain.#also! just to point out! neither Jinx or Ekko should carry that burden either#but Jinx also chose to leave and find herself and wasn't ever really prepared to be a symbol in the first place#so both sisters are alike in that one#and Ekko? Ekko stepped into the role willingly and gradually - or so it seems at least#and more importantly he knows what he's fucking doing#if Vi lead the Zaun liberation she would not know how to do it I'm sorry to say.#it would be the shimmer factory debacle all over again.#and it would be mostly due to her what - CORRECT#due to her being extremely not in the mental state for taking on such responsibility!#'why couldn't Vi have stepped up and led Zaun' she would've ran herself into a grave. period.#whether anything would be achieved by that is a topic for a debate I guess.
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S1 flounder if it was good
#I've had the idea of âflounder with tunnels connecting the two low groundsâ since all the way back in S1. I finally get to make it real#The map just feels so much less real in 3. Fuck man#Also you know how some weapons have trouble getting up the walls? Yeah don't do what S3 did and flatten the entire map bc then the map's#whole design will just completely fall apart. That's why I added some dashpads in key spots; extremely useful though a bit predictable#splatoon#splatoon 3#my art#3d art
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My magnum opus. Step aside Steven Spielberg, the real filmmakers are here. I call it, âZasp dies in the snow and gets revived by his mothiva doll (but unfortunately he falls apart by the end)â
#sometimes when I make something so objectively bad I love it more than words can describe#this is one of those cases. this brings me such joy lmao#art#< yea this deserves that tag#bug fables#zasp bug fables#zasp bf#bug fables zasp#bf mothiva#bug fables mothiva#Iâm truly an animation expert (NO IâM NOT)#I do legitimately want to try claymation again cos I havenât done it in probably 5ish years (OBVIOUSLY)#consider this my test run. I have learned many things. like what not to do#istg Iâm not incompetent the stupid FIGURE was FALLING APART AT THE SLIGHTEST TOUCH do you UNDERSTAND M(GETS SHOT)#this was so worth going outside in 8 degree weather this is one of my favorite things Iâve ever posted
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so like itâs 1999 and solid snake is in zanzibar land and gray fox tells you that all he can do is fight. itâs all he has and itâs probably all youâre ever going to have, too, because deep down you know your father is right, you know he is right as you click the lighter and burn the flesh off his skin, you know he is right when he tells you, this will never go away. i am always going to be a part of you. itâs 2005 and solid snake is in shadow moses island, alaska and gray fox tells you thatâs good, snake. hit me harder. do it more. thatâs good. when you meet meryl you kill the guards, and then snake thinks he loves her, so you kill psycho mantis for her, ocelot tortures you and you withstand it for her, you beat liquid to a pulp for her and while his blood is on your fists he smiles and tells you that you two, youâll always be the same. gray fox means violence means meryl means violence, so whatâs love if not that? what is it if not the feeling of broken bones under your knuckles, if not the smell of your fatherâs burnt flesh? but she's too young, she doesnât understand you and she couldnât if she tried, because sheâs eighteen years old and doesnât know any better and doesnât understand that after you sleep with her youâre going to get up and let the pillow grow cold, she thinks youâll tell her everything and when you donât, because you canât, sheâll leave you. you kill him with your fists and for her you destroy shadow moses and you hear him say to you again thatâs good, snake, that feels good, do it harder. but it isnât a coincidence that in mgs1 you meet otacon at the same time you meet gray fox. otacon who is so scared of battle he pisses his pants and otacon who cries over a woman who could never love him back and otacon who thinks good people like dogs, kind people like dogs, otacon who passed you a meal, ready-to-eat and a bottle of ketchup across the bars of your cell and when you ask him why the fuck are you here if you cant help me he says to you, i thought you might be hungry. otacon who gives you her handkerchief that was once her mother's and will be hers once again when she dies, when you rest it atop her glazed-over irises, a cycle of love. she was a good person, snake, and so are you. she liked the wolves and you do too. otacon who cries over his baby sisterâs little body, who blames himself for being seventeen years old under the touch of the woman who should have been his mother. otacon who when it's 2014 will make you the solid eye and the octocamo suit and the mk. ii to keep you safe and say to you, don't hurt anyone, snake. will say to you: i'll follow you wherever you go, like this. otacon who blubbers like a baby and cries too much and who, when it's 2009 in new york city, you have to say to, go rescue the hostages, because if you donât heâs going to crumple in on himself, a dying star. this is how you love, you donât say to him, and how i love, because you showed me how. wrap your arms around his shoulders and hope itâs enough.
#do you guys get it do u understand what im trying to say.#i am so. taken by 'i thought you might be hungry' because#EVERY SINGLE person who is significant to snake is defined by conflict and violence#then enter otacon. civillian. camouflages himself out of fear. shows snake care through this action. can't do anything really#but he can make sure he eats.#otacon who can't open up about himself because he doesn't know what he's feeling. just like snake#the understanding and empathy in 'you don't have to explain'#snake who is seen as disposable by his mission overseers but not by otacon#'go rescue the hostages' grounds otacon. gives him something to do. keeps him from falling apart#'that's enough crying' after sniper wolf in mgs1 versus the hug in mgs2#words aren't going to fix things. but i can show you how much i care#AM I MAKING SENSE???????????????#they will never say i love you to each other but they can make sure the other feels it. all the time#theyre so you held me the whole way through but i couldn't say the words like you.....i swear guys...i swear..................#just finished mgs4 liquid sun this game i MIGHT have a meltdown when i finish the game but for now. soldiering on!#ok im done#mgs#otasune#myne#mywrites
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suddenly seized with the desire to write/draw a few short little scenes from the world after the events of You Can (Not) Redo (the uh. the yqy timeloop fanfiction. not the evangelion movie which i named it for) because it is, generally speaking, a happy ending, but also yqy is left deeply, deeply broken in ways that would be both fascinating and hilarious to explore
#ramblings#he's like a rescue dog with separation anxiety#sqq's sect relationships are going a lot better here and obv some of that is because The Misunderstanding is dealt with#but a lot of its also thats its hard to take his bitchiness at face value when he is tenderly fussing over yqy with fierce protectiveness#he is obviously and indisputably the only thing keeping everyone's favorite shixiong from falling the fuck apart#also in general its interesting to me to explore what sqq's cultivation would look like in aus where it didnt get fucked over so badly#though if i just wanted to explore THAT the sj ive written in the best position cultivation-wise would the one from the sy!wyz au#also crazy to think about the fact that yqy himself is also significantly stronger in this au than canon#he has been cultivating for LIFETIMES and can command xuan su without any drawbacks#and he is the most unhinged version of yqy i have. terrifying when you think about it!!#mannnnnn makes me think about the fact that i Almost wrote yqy attickwifing sqq in one of the loops oit of sheer desperation#but i ended up not doing that bc it might have fixed them actually. and also would have taken the genre of that fic in a very dif direction#but it compels me
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I'm not completely opposed to making Pharma a weird guy in general pre-Messatine, the main issue I have with it is that a lot of that type of fandom is less "what if he was just a weird little guy" and more seems to be written with the implication that Pharma went crazy because he was just always a little crazy (or a little evil, or a little heartless, etc). Basically, to me it downplays the fact that Pharma underwent massive trauma for two years straight that other characters barely survived for a few hours/days and instead frames Pharma snapping as some sort of... I don't know, genetic/fated downfall because he was just weird, he was always off, is it really any wonder Pharma ended up Like That because I mean there was always something a little weird about him.
It just seems to accidentally imply that Pharma snapping under the pressure of years of torture was some sort of moral failing or sign of him being weak/immoral. You know, Pharma was always kind of a little creepy/insane/evil deep down which is obviously why he killed people. If he were just a normal, not-weird, good person then he would've been mentally strong enough to Not Go Insane. Like uhhhh it just seems kind of fucked up to imply that the reason some people are unable to cope with long-term trauma and have violent/unhealthy coping behaviors is because there's just something innately wrong with them, and then try and look back on their whole life trying to contextualize how they were actually unstable and evil all along instead of just accepting that like. Normal people (tm), yes normal and good people, can be put in situations where they're slowly turned into broken monsters because they had no escape and no good choices.
And also it's equally fucked up to imply that like. Whether or not you can deal with psychological torture without snapping is some sort of function of how innately moral or mentally strong you are. Incredibly victim-blamey to basically go "well the reason Pharma went insane is because he was just always cracked in the head, unlike our good buddy-pal-friend-hero Ratchet who's the perfect doctor and a good Autobot who's never done anything wrong which is why when he's an asshole/hurts people he's not nearly as destructive or Weird About It."
It's not that "Pharma was always kind of crazy" can't be done, because anything can be written well with enough thought. But I think in terms of writing, it's a very difficult and nuanced line to balance and most people literally just can't do it without implying that trauma victims/mentally ill people are evil or something. And Pharma is already unfairly villainized enough as-is, and in canon his trauma was already downplayed in favor of "haha crazy doctor chainsaw go brrr look how weird and quirky and craaaazyyy he is." So it's one of those things where 1. Most people just aren't good enough to write it and 2. "Always a little crazy" Pharma is already oversaturated enough in the fandom anyways and it's enough of a battle to get people to recognize that he's a tragic character and not just an evil asshole.
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#i think this one is especially rambly sorry but it's been on my mind#but like. i just think about it a lot about how like#how well ppl cope with stress/difficulty/trauma without disturbing others or falling apart is often conflated with strength if not goodness#like. it's already a thing mentally ill ppl have to deal with all the time whether it's jsut depression/anxiety#and getting told to suck it up or get tougher or stop inconveniencing others#to ppl with the 'scary'/villainized disorders like idk bipolar or borderline#who are literally seen as inherently dangerous just for existing#so when ppl engage with the idea of 'pharma was always a little Off' it just feels like they're taking his trauma reaction#and going 'oh clearly a Normal Guy and Good Autobot wouldnt do this. he had to have already had something wrong with him'#and so pharma understandably going insane after 2 years spent being blackmailed by the DJD (famous for psychological and physical torture)#is taken from a tragic horror story with tons of factual evidence as to why pharma was trapped and couldn't get out#to basically just 'lmao pharma was always a little kuh razy also he's a psycho ex stalker who's a loser in love with ratchet'#so like what the fuck man you're saying that the reason pharma broke under more psychological pressure than any other victim of the DJD#is bc he was just. what. too weak? his mind was too fragile? he just didn't have strong enough morals?#like god do we really need to be spreading the idea that anyone who snaps due to trauma is just innately weak/evil/weird/creepy#bc i have news for you friends no amount of integrity or innate goodness stops you from breaking when you hit your limit#the no. of ppl who can get through a situtation as horrible as that while doing nothing morally wrong and coming out perfectly sane is 0#if your standard for morality is 'not snapping under horrific pressure' then most ppl don't pass that standard like#i'm sorry but pharma not being able to cope with someone NO ONE ELSE IN THE SERIES WAS ABLE TO COPE WITH#does not retroactively make him evil bc he then proceeded to make horrible decisions in a situation where he was psychologically compromise#stop trying to retroactively characterize (contradictory to canon might i add) pharma as always being Not Good as an explanation#newsflash buddy lots of good people collapse under pressure and lash out and it's not a sign of their innate evil if the way they collapse#is messy and scary and Unfun and inconvenient and they're the only one who snapped unlike their Actually Good People friends
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do you guys ever just think about tsuna and want to cry your eyes out and never stop? asking for a friend
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr text post#sawada tsunayoshi#this is about a tumblr post i've only written and posted in my head#tsuna's just so#tsuna's just /so/#i CAN finish this sentence btw it's the thing#because tsuna wears his heart on his sleeve and the shape of his soul is always reflected in his eyes#because the essence of tsuna's very being is always laid bare for the whole world to see and grasp and do with it as its see fit#and still he'll always continue to keep it within reach. always /so/ caringly and kindly and lovingly and mercifully within reach#it makes you want to fall on your knees and worship him#it makes you want to fall on your knees and weep#it makes you want to fall on your knees and throw up#it makes you want to fall on your knees and love him love him /love him/-#you will never deserve him (he's /so/ very grateful for the love you have for him)#you will be worthy of him if it's the last thing you do (he will tear the world apart before ever allowing it to touch even a hair out of#you)#TSUNA'S JUST SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the love he has? the love he /gives/? the love that's given to him? the love that's given /back/ to him?#loving tsuna will not hurt you (this is a lie)#tsuna's love will not hurt you (you couldn't care less even if it does)#loving tsuna will not save him (you will sooner tear the world apart than ever surrendering to this truth)#BANGING AND SCRATCHING AT THE WALLS DO YOU GUYS GET IT#you know what maybe i WILL cry my eyes out about this and never stop đđđđđđ
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They meet for tea every couple of months.
#voltoise doodles#woe! silly crossover be upon ye!#idk if this is quite brainrot apartment they aren't in the apartment#which again is the nebulous space in which i make my blorbos intreact with each other#tumblr is great because i can post a doodle#sothis#sothis fire emblem#the axolotl#axolotl gravity falls#the axolotl is a bit concerned about the whole war thing going on in Sothis's universe#but sothis is like no it's fine byleth is doing great#byleth IS but still#i have so many little silly interactions between completely unrelated franchises you don't understand#voltoise rambles#i guess because these are a lot of tags#you know what#the brainrot apartments#there it can be for silly one off crossovers too#fire emblem three houses#gravity falls#gravity falls spoilers#technically#gravity falls crossover
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i was re-re-re-reading lessons in cartography by profenity (as one does) and i was hit with such an insane affection for andreil suddenly like i was 16 reading the same two people fall for each other and thinking yeah that sure is love and almost a decade later my thoughts haven't changed at all? cause ykw thatâą sure is love
#'neil loved his life'#craaaaazy of the author to end the fic with that line#i love his life too damn#i love you andrew minyard#anyone besides neil's (and arguably kevin's) pov and andrew would be nothing#as we've seen in tsc#AND YET#i love him because this gremlin looks at him like he hung the moon and the stars and is so cheeky about it too#like he'll be sat there with his eyes shining and a smile on his face and andrew will be like ugh fucking disgusting what is this#and neil will just smile more#they give me grief#no one will ever EVER do it like them#i can put them in any situation and they'll fall in love like clockwork#you could put them worlds apart and they'd create a new one for themselves just to see each other#they would do anything for each other no hesitation#in some ways a love confession doesn't even make sense they've transcended guys#like that's love if i've ever seen it but it's so much moreâą#it's just everything#all of it#on the floor rn#sorry guys#aftg#tfc#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#all for the game#fic: lessons in cartography
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gross he's leaking
#the stanley parable#tspud#skip button ending#body horror#the narrator#crows art#imagine falling apart because your thoughts just get so scattered and corrupt#to the point of incoherent drabbles and mindless thinking#and slowly you just. fade away.#because no matter what no one is listening. so what's the point of talking?#:-)#ill make a better piece for this at some point but. spending the night with mspaint
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