#THIS WOMAN IS IN LOVE AND SUPER DERANGED ABOUT IT!!!

[obstinaterixatrix]

why are industry professionals constantly wrong about my special little shows. WHICH AREN’T EVEN OBSCURE IN POPULARITY OR MEANING. *HOW* MANY PAPERS AND BOOKS AND ESSAYS ETC ARE THERE ON SWEENEY TODD THE SONDHEIM MUSICAL?? WHERW THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS GETTING YOUR INTERPRETATIONS

[tirfpikachu]

are we just crazy or are lgbt spaces getting legit deranged?????

every unusual experience of sexuality/gender is a valid part of the bootiful qweer biodiversity of the world by default, but you can't be gay/bi/trans and not want to be called the q slur or see cishets say the q slur. and you can't say that you're afab4afab or amab4amab, that's just a creepy bigoted fetish you freak. unless you're transmasc4transmasc or transfem4transfem ofc, you get a free pass. but also kinkshaming is evil and deeply harms the most marginalized. but also make sure you don't have a fetish about genitalia... if you do, it's a "preference" not an inborn trait and you really can therapize yourself into liking it, just try hard enough. if you fail to you're a bigot, so just keep trying!! make sure to feel guilty abt it at least, you dirty homo. but getting beat up can be a cool sexual thing and bestiality or noncon is fine. but actual genitalia "preferences" are bigoted. if you don't call the genderqueer person pansexual instead of bi they'll chew their own arm off and hit you with it and call the cops but don't say you're a female trans man or that you're a trans guy lesbian or link it to being a female homosexual in any way ever okay?! you can't be at peace with acknowledging your sex/agab as a trans person!!!! or feel a connection to lesbian spaces as a trans man or gay male spaces as a trans woman!!! that's BIGOTRY and that's just feeding terf cunts you dumb theyfab. you can't link your cis womanhood to being afab AT ALL either bc that's transmisogynistic and dangerous rhetoric but every other group of gender marginalized folks can define their own identities and have a billion microlabels. you can't say you're not into girldick because not all trans women have dicks dumbass, surgical vaginas are defo the exact same as bio vaginas anyway so if you only like afab pussy & afab bodies you're a gross pervert mocking bottom surgery. and someone's upbringing as a male/amab or female/afab person definitely isn't a huge part of why homosexual ppl are into the same-sex/agab so you shouldn't give a single shit if a transbian flirting with you hasn't grown up facing misogyny or going thru afab/female body struggles or any of that, that has NOTHING to do with lesbianism between female ppl and has no bearing whatsoever on attraction you absolute psychopath. sexes/agabs is just a mix of detached body parts and you can play mr potatohead with it all and if you glued it good enough homosexuals wouldn't be able to tell at all that he used to be a mrs potatohead!! so they'd still hit that, right? homosexuals will go for anything anyway right?? homosexual love obvs can't be any deeper than genitals and fetishes. amab4afab ppl can be homosexual too anyway if they pass as gay irl too so homosexual isn't even a real tangible thing anyways it doesn't involve sex/agab at all and those ppl don't get to be their own specific oppressed class and do their own activism and have agency over their own identity bc they're super privileged worldwide and the enby living as a gender conforming woman in society dating a neckbeard looking for a third is more oppressed than a visibly gnc crossdressing bio guy holding hands with his normie bf. they might be gay but they're not qweer... except to the rightwing ofc!! oh and if you're trans and recently started passing as straight you're more privileged than an afab4amab couple who has lived as hetero til they transitioned! so shut the fuck up and listen to the New Gays. don't call yourself homosexual anymore or you're a cis bootlicker and if you're transmasc you're oppressing every transfem, including ones who have never faced misogyny irl a day in their fucking life!!! just be valid the RIGHT WAY!!!!!! be more queer you dirty normie homo!!!!!!

HAHAH i love it here

[goosewriting]

Class is now in session

summary: reader is in university and starts taking a liking to a certain redhead.

relationship: college AU biker!Cal Kestis x gn!reader

warnings: cameo fest, mentions of alcohol, cal punches a guy, idiots in love 😩💞, gets a lil spicy at the end 🫣 this might border on crack tbh

word count: 11k because i am deranged

A/N: this started out as an innocent college AU with jock!Cal, but my insta feed brought me back to the depths of biker guys x booktok girlies so this idea cemented itself into my brain and i just ran with it. this is 100% self-indulgent, packed with every trope i could think of, and got completely out of hand. i am not sorry. bon appetit :) 

[all masterlists] 🪶 [star wars masterlist] 🪶 [ao3]

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

A/N2: please excuse the pacing at the start, it's a bit of a mess. but i promise it gets better! also i use college and university interchangeably here because i’ve personally only been to uni, so sorry if it's confusing ;;-;;

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

As you’re leaving your first class at the new college, you think back to orientation week where you met Sabine. She’s the only one you know here now, other than Ahsoka, a friend from your home town who’s come to this university too for her masters. You have no idea how, but Ahsoka somehow managed to have you move in after her roomate left, so that you now share the flat, which you’re super happy about. At least one thing (or person) less to worry about.

In the class that just finished, you sat with Sabine, and she introduced you to Ezra, her friend from high school. So that’s now two people you at least know by name here. 

You hurry to get to your next class which is basically across campus in one of the bigger auditoriums, and it’s the biggest class by far. Sabine and Ezra don’t attend this one, so you don’t know anyone here. You look around as you cross into the room, observing how the students swarm in in waves, quickly taking their seats. Walking down to the middle row, you quickly scan the group, thinking who seems approachable to eventually start chatting. 

The class goes by rather quickly, being the first one and all, it was more about formalities than actual content. Someone had arrived just on time as the professor also walked in, a redhead that caught your eye, but the moment the class was over, he left quickly. In fact everyone leaves quickly, and you can’t help but be dragged along by the mass of people and you find yourself in the hallway, which just as quickly as it filled, is empty once more.

For lunch you meet with Sabine and Ezra, and you all get to know each other a little better. At first you thought they might be dating, judging by how close they seem, but they never mention it during your meal. If Sabine is willing to have boy talk with you, you make a mental note to ask her about it at some point.

In the afternoon, you start your job at the library. A tall and elegant woman, Shaak Ti, shows you the ropes, and soon you’re left to your own devices at the desk, doing some smaller tasks to get you started. Not soon after, Ahsoka comes by for a quick visit to say hi.

Your shift is almost over when someone comes up to the check-out desk where you sit. You hear them approaching, and as you lift your eyes from your work, you recognise it’s the redhead from today’s class. Putting on your best customer support smile and voice, you ask how you can help, and he says that the self check-out machine isn't working. 

How strange, you think, remembering how Shaak Ti showed you earlier how it works, and it did so just fine. But it’s quicker to just ring up his book now, and you could check the machine later. So you take the two books from him as well as his student ID and scan everything, doing your thing. You see his name on the ID: Cal Kestis. So that's what he's called. Maybe if you meet in class again, you could say hi. It would be super awkward if he didn't recognise you, though. 

Shaking away your thoughts for the moment, you repeat to him what Shaak Ti told you earlier about the borrowing of materials, the e-mail notice and that he can check the return date on his university account. Taking his books and card, Cal thanks you with a smile and leaves. Standing up from the desk after a moment, you go to the self check-out machine to see what’s wrong with it, trying to remember if Shaak Ti gave you the number for the technician. You try out the process several times with a random book and your ID and it works perfectly. Strange, you think again. 

By the time you get back to your dorm, which is a short bus ride away from campus, it’s already evening. You enter your room, grimacing a bit at how empty and lifeless it still looks. But you know you’ll be quick to decorate it and fill the space with your things to make it feel a bit more like home, albeit a temporary one.

Arriving at uni the next day, you get off the bus and walk towards the building. A motor bike passes you and parks in the designated area, your eyes unintentionally following the person, and you check them out a bit. The whole outfit, leather jacket and all, do look good, and you stare for perhaps a second too long. When the person takes off the helmet, you realise it’s the redhead from yesterday. He catches you looking at him and gives you an acknowledging nod and smile. Your head immediately turns the other way, cheeks burning at getting caught, and you walk away hastily, knowing this interaction will haunt you for the rest of the day since you could have just smiled or waved back instead of being so obvious. 

Back in the big class, he spots you again and gives a short wave and an unsure smile. This time you make sure to smile and wave back at him.

After lunch with Sabine, you’re at your locker, picking up some things, talking to her and Ezra who joined you as well. They both suddenly look over your shoulder behind you, and you turn around only to be faced with him.

“Seems like I keep seeing you everywhere,” Cal says, leaning sideways onto the lockers. “I think it’s time we finally get properly introduced, don’t you think?”

It doesn’t go unnoticed by you that he exchanges a look with Ezra, which you can’t really decipher, as you don’t know either of them well enough.  

“I’m Cal,” he introduces himself. “But I think you already knew that.”

You tell him your name, and as Ezra joins the conversation, it turns out they’re actually friends. 

“So how do you know him?” Sabine asks, her eyes going from Cal to you.

“ We share a class, and he came by the library yesterday,” you explain, taking a look at the time. “Which I actually should be heading to now. My shift starts soon.” 

Sabine gives you a strange knowing look too, to which you don’t know how to respond. But before you can ask what’s up, she says that Ezra and her have another class, so they leave.

Cal walks you to the library, claiming he has to go to practice and it’s on the way (its not). It’s a short walk but you’re racking your brain for something to fill up the silence. Unable to come up with anything better, you tell him that if he wants to check out another book, you can show him how to use the self check-out machine. 

“You said it was broken,” you say, tilting your head slightly in confusion. “But I checked and it worked just fine.”

“I know,” he responds after a second, and you turn to him with a ‘Huh?’. Smiling, he adds, “See you around.” 

And with that he leaves you by the library entrance, even more question marks circling in your mind. To your surprise and further confusion, you find that he didn’t leave you with just questions, but also a bit of a racing heart.

Finally the weekend rolls around, and Ahsoka is out with her best friend Rex and his buddies, so you invite Sabine over for a movie marathon and lots of snacks. Since it’s just the first week of class, you don’t have that many assignments yet, which you want to take advantage of while you can. 

As you’re both cosied up on the couch, you ask her about Ezra and if there’s anything between the two, and her face makes you laugh out loud. She says he’s more like a brother to her, since they’ve known each other for so long. But then she asks if there’s anyone you’re interested in.

You find yourself stumbling over your own words and end up somehow confessing to both her and your surprise, that you may have a teeny tiny crush on Cal. Sabine’s almost too excited about it and says you should tell Ezra so they can set you up on a date or something. But you make her promise she won’t tell either of them, to which she ends up agreeing. You don’t need the drama or the distraction; you just want to focus on classwork after all and survive one semester at a time. 

On Monday you have the big class again, and you stay after it’s done to ask Professor Kenobi something. Everyone is leaving the room, and he’s packing away his things as you approach his desk, starting to formulate your inquiries, but you see his eyes going past you for a moment, then looking at you again with a soft smile. 

“Why don’t you send your questions to my e-mail,” he offers. “Isn’t it your lunch break now? Wouldn’t want to hold you off, especially when there seems to be someone waiting for you.”

You blink a couple of times, then turn to look to the entrance door where, sure enough, Cal is waiting for you, leaning back onto the wall. He gives a short wave, which you quickly reciprocate, and you excuse yourself from the professor with heat prickling at your cheeks, telling him that you will do just that. 

As you reach the door, Cal pushes himself off the wall to walk beside you. Before you can ask him what he’s up to and why he waited for you, he talks first. 

“Are you eating at the cafeteria today? Wanna grab lunch together?”

You consider his offer for a moment, but then give him a short shrug.

“I’m not really super hungry and the menu today didn't have anything that I particularly crave, so I think I’ll just get something from the vending machine.”

“You sure? You shoudln’t skip meals, you know.”

“It’s fine, really,” you chuckle. “I’ll just get early dinner and I promise to eat something substantial.” “Yeah, you better,” he jokes, lightly pushing you with his shoulder.

Turning your face away to hide how flustered you’re getting at not just his playfulness but the fact that he waited for you, you reprimand yourself for a moment for getting your hopes up. Wanting to grab lunch with a classmate is normal! This is normal! Stop being weird, you tell yourself.

Just as you want to face Cal again to change the subject, you hear some voices from the hallway around the corner where the vending machines are. You think you recognise them, and you don’t know what on Earth compels you to, but you walk the few steps to take a peek. At the end of the hall, you see Professor Kenobi with a man. He’s tan, has broad shoulders and is very handsome. 

“Hello, my love,” Kenobi says in a low voice barely audible to you, and quickly leans in to kiss the stranger.

Your hand shoots up to cover your mouth before any sound of surprise can come out, and you quickly spin around, directly into Cal’s chest with an oomph.

“Wha–” Cal holds onto your shoulders to keep you from falling with how quickly you tried to recoil. “Whoa there, you okay? What’s wrong?”

“I feel like I just saw something I wasn’t supposed to,” you admit, hiding your face in your hands for a moment, then looking at him with big eyes.

This intrigues him, and Cal steps past you to take a look. 

“There’s no one there…?”

You look around the corner again as well, and the hallway is indeed empty.

“Prof Kenobi was just there a second ago, with someone else. Kissing,” you add the last part under your breath. 

“Oh?” Cal raises a brow, sounding strangely interested. “Well, let’s go see where they went.”

You shoot him an alarmed look.

“What? Why?”

But he’s already walking, looking over his shoulder and gesturing for you to follow with a playful smile. So you follow suit. You’ve never been to this part of the building, and compared to the bustle back where there were constant streams of people walking to and out of the cafeteria, here it’s surprisingly quiet. 

“I wonder where they even went,” Cal thinks aloud and stops where the hallway ends in a dead end. There’s several doors to the left, offices from the psychology faculty judging by the signs next to the doorframe. On the right there’s the big door leading to the staircase. There’s a paper sign stuck to it with tape that catches your attention, so you step closer to read it.

“Seems like the floors below are currently closed off because of repairs,” you paraphrase the warning sign. “So they must have gone up.”

You turn to look at him, and see realisation wash over his face, which quickly changes into a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Oh, is that where we are.”

“What do you mean?” you ask, narrowing your eyes at him in suspicion. 

“I heard that there was an off-limits floor in this wing. It’s been like that for years actually, not because they’re reparing something but because strange things happen there.”

You scoff, giving him an incredulous look.

“Didn’t take you for the superstitious type,” you deadpan. 

“I’m not.” He looks at the sign and back at you. “But c’mon, aren’t you a little curious? They say it’s haunted, but if you go there and come back out, then you’ll have good luck in… passing your exams.”

“...Did you just make that up?” you question, crossing your arms over your chest defensively and raising a brow at him. 

“...No?” Cal retorts, and it’s anything but convincing. Taking a step closer to you, he adds, “Come on, don’t you feel the call of adventure?”

“The only call you’ll feel is your emtpy stomach when you’re training,” you say, taking one last glance at the big door, then looking at Cal. “Shouldn’t you be having lunch right now?”

“I can eat later,” he shrugs. 

“I thought skipping meals was a no-no.”

“I can make an exception today. For both of us.”

Before you even have a chance to stop him, he pushes open the door to the staircase, and you see there’s a chain blocking the way to the stairs leading down, but he steps over it, looking back and offering his hand to you. 

You look up, listening for anyone who might be coming downstairs, but it’s still silent. Almost eerily so. You look at Cal’s face for a moment, and sigh in defeat, taking his expecting hand. He grins in victory. 

“You’re being a horrible influence, you know that?” you say with a playful smile.

“There’s nothing wrong with being a little bad every now and then,” he points out with a wink, and you roll your eyes at him to hide the beat your heart just skipped. 

You both walk down the stairs, taking out your phones to use as a flashlight since it’s so dark. Cal pushes open the big door to the main hallway, and you’re hit with the typical smell of a basement; it’s humid and a little musky, but not necessarily unpleasant. You take a look around, and it’s a mirror of the floor above. The doors to the offices are open though, one is even missing the door completely, and Cal walks in without hesitation, so you follow him. 

You’re not normally one to get scared about things like these, especially knowing that the haunted story has probably started as a rumour that got way out of hand throughout the years. This section probably just got closed off because of a water leak or something. 

“One of the guys on the team told me that there used to be meetings of a secret cult down here.”

“Okay, now you’re just messing with me,” you laugh, and you point your light to him to see him. He blocks the light from his eyes with his hand but you can see the goofy smile on his face. 

“I can’t believe I followed you down here,” you say, taking a step towards him, but something behind him catches your attention. You direct your light to the wall, and he turns around to do the same. There’s a pinboard full of old notes and photographs. Looking at the small table underneath it, you can see a lot of the things that once hung on the wall have since fallen down, decaying. Inspecting the remaining notes on the pinboard though, you notice that there are many that seem newer, the papers are clearer, crisp, untouched by the humidity down here. Many of them are simply just letters and numbers, like… initials and dates? You’re about to take a closer look at what’s written on them when a reflection from the table catches your eye.

Directing your light down onto the table, you move away some scattered papers to reveal the object that was partially hidden beneath: a locket in the shape of a heart. You stretch out your hand to pick it up but Cal stops you.

“Maybe- maybe don’t touch that.”

“Why not?” you ask without looking up. You can faintly make out the engraved letters “P&A” on the metallic surface.  

“It could have lead. Or something.”

“That’s… a good point, actually,” you agree, and you retrieve your hand, your nose crinkling slightly in disgust at what could be lying around. “It’s the first time you’ve made sense since we got here. Who knows what else is here. Actually, we should leave–” You turn to where Cal was standing earlier, a couple of steps away, but you find him standing right in front of you now, caging you in between himself and the table behind you. He’s still holding his phone with the light aiming up, so his face is contoured in sharp white, highlighting the scars across his face. You had noticed them before, and thought they added character to his face. But now, with his eyes gazing into yours like that, momentarily flickering down to your lips and back up, you feel the urge to reach out and trace over them.

The air has completely shifted between you two, and your heartbeat quickens at the realisation. His free hand has somehow found its way around your wrist, and he’s leaning in closer ever so slowly.

You open your mouth to say something but you’re cut short by a sudden thud. You both flinch in surprise, aiming your lights to where the sound came from. You see a book, now on the floor, that hadn’t been there before, and a small cloud of dust settling around it. Aiming the light a little to the side and up, you can clearly see the spot where it fell out of the shelf, as there’s no dust on the wooden surface. 

“We should– I think we’ve overstayed our welcome,” you say after clearing your throat.

“Right.”

You quickly step around Cal and head for the staircase, swiftly walking up the steps and, after momentarily listening for any bypassers, climb over the chain. Cal follows closely, and you both pocket away your phones. You’re reaching out your hand to open the heavy door that leads back into the building, when he quickly grabs your wrist, holding your shoulder with his other hand to pull you away from the thin vertical window next to the door.

“Wait, there’s someone out there.”

“So what, we could have come from upstairs,” you say, trying to ignore the way your skin tingles where he’s holding you again.

He peeks through the glass, his eyes going wide for a moment, then stepping away again, a silly smile playing on his lips.

“It’s Kenobi. And he's not alone.”

You dare take a peek through the glass, and catch a quick look at Kenobi and the man from earlier, both coming out of one of the offices with slightly dishevelled hair. 

“If he sees us, we’re so dead,” you say under your breath and lean back away, out of view. On one hand, you’d definitely be in trouble because from the short time you’ve known him, Professor Kenobi seems like the type of person to be really good at reading others, so he’d definitely know you two were up to no good if he confronted you two, especially you; you’re not a good liar. But also he saw Cal waiting for you after class, so surely he’d think something was going on between you two. Then again, would that bother you? Is there something going on between you and Cal? Do you want there to be something? You’re not entirely ready yet to answer that for yourself, especially not right now after what happened earlier, whatever that was. He was totally going to kiss you, right? In a basement of all places?

“The coast is clear,” Cal finally says, and your reeling mind can come to a halt again. He looks down at where his hand is still holding onto you, and quickly lets go, taking a step back, clearing his throat. “Sorry about that. Uh, after you.”

He holds the door open for you, and you walk through, dusting off your clothes of anything that may trace you back to the forbidden underground. Cal makes his way to the office he saw Kenobi come out of and inspects the sign, chuckling to himself.

“Ah, look at that,” he says, and you approach, seeing the name on the sign: ‘Cody Kenobi’. So the man earlier was his husband. 

“Get it prof, I guess,” you mutter more to yourself than to him, but Cal snorts at your comment.

“C’mon, let’s go,” he says, and you two make your way back to where you initially came from. 

Since Cal still has to get food, you part ways and he heads to the cafeteria. And just like that, you’re back at the vending machine, yet again plagued by the decision of what to get, as well as a million questions racing through your mind.

When your shift at the library ends that day, it’s already the late afternoon. It was pretty slow today again, you mainly just spent your time cataloging some new books and putting back returned ones to their respective spots.

As you’re approaching the bus stop, you can see the bus already there, so you fall into a light jog to catch up on time. Except that everyone is standing outside instead of being inside the bus. The driver is standing on the sidewalk as well, talking on the phone in an irritated tone.

“What happened?” you ask one of the people sitting on the bench.

“The bus broke down,” she explains with a tired sigh, pointing to where the engine door has been lifted, and you can see some faint smoke coming out of the vents. “The driver said we have to wait for the next bus.”

You don’t need to look at the timetable to know that at this time of day, the busses get more and more infrequent. You might as well walk home. It won’t necessarily be quicker than waiting for the next one, but you don’t want to just sit still for the next half hour. 

After saying your thanks to the person, you keep walking down the sidewalk to start your trek home. Luckily, there’s a pedestrian path away from the street that is actually quite picturesque to walk, partially going through the woods too, so at least you’ll have a nice view as you ruminate over the day’s events.

To get to the path leading into the forest, you take a shortcut through the parking lot, which to your surprise is not as empty as you would have imagined at this time. You’re not really planning on running into anyone, already lost in thought, so it takes you very much by suprise when you hear your name called out. You turn around to see Cal standing by his bike, waving to you. You wave back with a smile, which is quick to disappear though as you remember your interaction earlier. You just want to get home to crawl into your bed and wallow in self-pity for a bit, but the redhead calls you to him.

“I saw the bus broke down,” he says as you get closer, zipping up his leather jacket and tucking his helmet under his arm. “Need a ride home?”

No, you think, being near you is short circuiting my brain and I need to sort that out.

“I’ve never been on a bike before, though,” comes out of your mouth instead. 

“Well, lucky for you I’d be the one driving,” he says with a smile. “As a backpack you just have to lean into the curves, but there’s not much more than that.”

“Backpack?”

“Ah, yeah, that’s what we call the person sitting behind the driver.” You spot the faintest of blushes creeping onto his face, adorning his freckles. “So, what do you say?”

His face, full of expectation, leaning into childish glee almost, is impossible to resist. Heaving a sigh, you laugh a bit to yourself, throwing your hands up in surrender.

“You know what. Why not. We already went to a haunted room today, might as well get ‘riding on a motorbike’ off my bucket list today, too.”

“Great!” Cal’s face lights up at your positive response, and he seems to notice it and clears his throat to take his excitement down a notch. He moves to the side a bit so you can take a better look at the bike, telling you its name is BD-1, and doing the whole introduction thing where he points to you, then to the bike and back, saying your name, BD, BD, your name. You have to bite back a smile at how endearing you find that. After what happened today, it’s nice to see that he also has this cute side to him. Playing along, you greet the bike with a ‘Hi BD!’ and pat the handlebar as if it was a dog. Cal chuckles, and produces a second helmet seemingly out of thin air, presenting it to you.

“Wha– Where did you–”

“A biker never reveals his secrets,” he says with a wink, and puts on his own helmet. Your grips tightens lightly on the one you’re now holding as you avert your gaze from his visor. This guy will absolutely be the end of you.

Cal helps you put on the helmet, adjusting the buckle strap underneath your chin and making sure it’s comfortable but not too loose. Turning to the bike, he folds down some pegs on either side of the back wheel, indicating that that’s where you’re going to put your feet, then he gets on first.

“Once you’re on, you can either hold onto me or place your hands here–,” he shows you, patting the round, elevated part of the bike in front of him. “– on the tank.” 

Then he instructs you to hop on by placing one foot first to lift yourself off the ground and swing your other leg over. Holding onto his shoulders for balance, you do just that, tightening the straps on your own backpack (pun unintended) so it doesn’t move around once you’ll be on the move. You scoot in your seat a couple of times until you feel your balance settle.

“You good?” he asks, and you realise you’ll surely have a hard time hearing him once you’re driving, over the sound of the engine and the wind.

“Yup!” you reply, taking a shuddering breath that seems to resonate within your helmet, as you snake your arms around his waist, interlocking your fingers.

You feel his torso tense up ever so slightly at the touch, and he kicks up the stand. 

“If I pat your leg it means to hold on tighter, okay?”

“Got it,” you confirm, and he tests it out by patting the outside of your knee twice, and you lean even more into him, if that’s possible, tightening your grip. You just hear him chuckle, then start the engine. 

He makes a round or two on the parking lot so you can get used to the feeling, and once you feel more comfortable, he heads out onto the street.

As you’ve already mentioned at some point that you live at the dorms, he knows where to take you. You can tell he’s riding extra carefully, not zooming through in-between cars and making sure that the stops and starts at the traffic lights are smooth.

Because of the noise and the helmets, having a conversation is unfortunately impossible, so you just enjoy the sensations. The whistle of the wind rushing by you, the humming of the engine, which you can feel in your whole body, both through the bike itself and Cal. The way he taps your leg when you loosen your grip without noticing. At least it was on accident the first time. After some minutes you tried it again, slowly letting go, and his gloved hand was on your leg again, lingering this time until you held on properly. Then he placed his hand over both of yours, giving a light squeeze. Ah, did he catch on? 

Alas, the ride is already over by the time you feel like you really mastered being a proper backpack, and the bike slows down as Cal drives into the street of your apartment complex. 

Once he fully stops and kicks down the stand, he gives your arms a pat, indiciating for you to hop off. Misjudging the height and being slightly sore from the unfamiliar seating position, you don’t properly step onto the ground, your knee giving in and the rest of your body threatening to follow. But Cal is quick to catch you and bring you back to your feet without even having gotten off completely himself.

“You alright?” he asks, sliding off the seat completely, then taking off his helmet and running his hand through his hair. His red fiery hair, now messed up from the helmet… You really want to run your own fingers through it. 

At your lack of response, he leans a bit closer into your visor, repeating the question. You snap out of your trance with a sheepish laugh, trying and failing to undo the buckle on the helmet strap. Cal takes off his gloves and skillfully opens it, helping you remove the thing. You don’t even want to know what your hair looks like right now, so you try your best to smooth it out blindly. 

“I’m good, yes. Guess getting on is easier than getting off the bike.”

“It gets easier with practice,” he responds. “That is, if you ever want to ride again. You can. I mean with me. If you’d like.”

He looks around, the driveway is luckily empty, so no one can see him embarrass himself by stumbling over his own words. You can’t help the giggle that escapes you; he’s too cute.

“I’d love to, if you’ll let me.”

“Of course. You did good today.”

You look in the direction of your dorm, then down at the helmet you’re still holding.

“Guess you need this back, then.”

“I don’t have any way to carry it right now, so why don’t you hold onto that for now,” he starts, scratching the back of his neck as he leans back a bit to half sit on the side of the bike. “Besides, the bus might break down again. Why don’t I give you a ride to class tomorrow morning, too?”

By now your heartrate is absolutely out of control. How does he look so effortlessly cool? And he’s inviting you to ride again? Maybe more than once? 

You involuntarily hug the helmet to your chest, hoping the sound of your erratic hearbeat doesn’t echo through it and make it loud enough for Cal to hear. Taking out his phone, he suggests exchanging numbers so you can text him when to pick you up and he can tell you when he’s on his way. Taking it from his hands, you type in your number and call, hearing your own ringtone coming from your pocket, and give it back. You don’t see what he types in as your contact name as he’s quick about it, putting the device away again.

“See you tomorrow, then,” you say, swaying back and forth lightly on the ball of your feet. “Thank you for taking me home. It was fun.”

“My pleasure,” he says with a genuine smile. “And don’t forget your substantial dinner.”

With that, he puts on his helmet. As he gets onto the bike and kicks back the stand, you consider running up to him one last time to place a kiss on his helmet, but you find yourself paralysed by… what exactly, you don’t know.

“Drive safe!” you call out to him instead with a wave, as he drives onto the street. He gives you a two finger salute, tires screeching on the pavement as he takes off. Yeah, he was definitely being considerate of you when you were on the bike. 

You feel like you’re floating on a cloud and being pulled down by a gravity tenfold as strong, all at the same time. You’re clearly into him. It seems he’s interested as well. What’s holding you back? These and many other questions roam your brain as you try to fall asleep that night.

The next morning, as promised, Cal is waiting for you. This time he brings a proper biker jacket as well, which is padded in the important places. Where he got it from and how he knows your size, you don’t even bother asking, knowing he wouldn’t tell.

Despite the buses working just fine, form that day on it becomes somewhat of a routine. Whenever your schedules will allow it, he’ll take you to class and back home. You offer paying for gas since going by your place is out of his way, even though he insists it isn’t. He never takes you up on your offer.

Weeks go by in the blink of an eye, both of you getting more comfortable around each other, engaging in friendly banter bordering in flirtations, but never really crossing the line or making an actual move. Before you know it, exams are just around the corner, so the library is busy. Still, you manage to study in the slower hours. But you keep catching yourself looking at the entrance, waiting for a certain someone to walk in. 

After exams are over, Sabine and Ezra organise a well deserved party at her place. Her family is away for the weekend, but they were okay with a party as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. Ahsoka also invites a handful of her friends so there’s a decent amount of people of different ages. You have friendly chats with many of them, who also give you good tips on studying,  the best places to get coffee near uni, or tell you funny stories about the teachers. 

The party is where you meet Anakin and Padme, Ahsoka’s best friends aside from Rex, who are more or less the power couple at the university. They’ve been together since the first year and everyone knows about them. Even you have heard a lot about them; there are some wild rumours around. But you’re seeing them for the first time now, and you can’t shake the feeling that they look familiar. 

As you, Sabine, Ahsoka and the two are standing in the kitchen, sipping on your drinks, the conversation somehow flows into urban legend territory. That’s where Padme tells you and Sabine about the lovebird legend, saying that there is an off-limits room in the uni building where it is said that a couple died tragically as the ceiling came down on them. 

“Despite the tragedy, the legends still make people go down there to leave their pictures and love notes,” Padme explains. 

“Alleged tragedy,” Anakin interjects with a playful roll of his eyes. “If something had actually happened down there, they would close it off properly.” He turns to you as he sees your blank expression, which he interprets as being scared, and gives you a reassuring pat on the back. “Nothing happened down there, trust me.”

Except that your face went blank not out of fear, but because you finally connected the dots.

“Yeah, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” Padme reminisces, linking her arm onto Anakin’s, who looks down at her with an adoring smile. “Even we went down to leave our own note, remember? And it seems it worked.”

“How could I forget,” Anakin laughs. “Initials, picture, locket; we did the whole package.”

The locket you saw that day in the basement comes to your mind. The engraved initials: P & A. 

Padme and Anakin.

And now you can also vaguely recognise their younger selves in one of the pictures you see on the wall.

Snapping back into reality, you look at Anakin.

“Is this… common knowledge?” you ask, fidgeting with the drink in your hands. “Does everyone know that’s what it is? Or are there some people who think it’s haunted?”

“Not really?” Anakin shrugs. “I don’t know of anyone who’s ever thought it was actually haunted. Again, the accident is just a rumour to make it more tragic.”

“Yeah, everyone who hears about the story knows people go there hoping to ensure a good love life,” Padme confirms.

“Huh, is that so…” you trail off, heat quickly rising to your face, visible to everyone no doubt, but you can’t be bothered to hide it right now. So Cal knew? He must have known, right? 

Sabine elbows you into the side, almost making you spill your drink. 

“What’s got you so flustered suddenly?” She narrows her eyes at you, full of mischief. “Don’t tell me, you want to go leave a note for you and you know who?”

That seems to get you out of your trance, and your head snaps back up, frantically looking around to make sure Cal isn’t anywhere near you two. But he’s actually nowhere to be seen, probably outside with his team buddies who are hogging the grill.

“Do you still need to leave a note when you’ve already been there with the person in question?” you ask at no one in particular, and Ahsoka exchanges a knowing look with Anakin and Padme.

“You what?!” Sabine whisper-screams. “How? When?”

“Uuh, a couple of weeks ago,” you say, suddenly remembering the other thing you saw that day. “Also, did you know Kenobi is married? And that his husband is part of the psychology department? They totally made out in the husband’s office.”

Sabine’s face morphs into several different things consecutively, first confusion at why you’re bringing that up now, then questioning why you even know that, then wondering if she even wants to know. 

“You know,” Padme interjects. “Obi-Wan and Cody Kenobi were actually one of the first ever couples to leave their note in the basement. If they’re still together, then it really must work, huh.” She leans in ever so slightly, lowering her voice as she asks you, “Why, is there anyone you’re interested in? Someone who wouldn’t happen to be here right now?”

You pull a bit of a grimace and look to Ahsoka, who had followed the whole thing with amusement but without intervening. Seeing your pleading look, she nods, indicating that Padme is trustworthy with these kind of things. 

“Yes, actually,” you reply in a small voice. “To both.”

Padme clasps her hands together in delight, asking if you’ll show her the person in question. Anakin just laughs, saying he’ll go find something to eat, and Ahsoka joins him. So it’s just you, Padme and Sabine left. You walk around for a while until you find your favourite redhead leaning on the open doorframe that leads to the yard, talking to one of his teammates. They’re all wearing their team jackets, and you can’t help your eyes roaming his body for a moment, enjoying the view. 

As if he could feel your eyes on him, he suddenly turns his head to you, and you get caught yet again staring. But this time you don’t look away in shame, you stand your ground and give him a smile and a small wave, which he returns, then goes back to his conversation as if nothing happened.

You turn back to the girls, both of them giving you a knowing smile and little giggles. 

“Oh, shut up, you.”

“I didn’t even say anything!” Sabine says. 

“Your face said it all.”

“Yeah, as did yours,” she teases. 

You groan, burying your face in your hands. You might as well be on actual fire right now, as hot as you feel. 

“I’m getting another drink,” you say, pinching Sabine in the cheek and looking to Padme. “Please make sure she doesn’t embarrass me any further.”

Padme laughs but agrees, promising to keep an eye on her.

You walk to the kitchen, where a new group of people has claimed the space to have their conversation. You quickly refill your cup, excusing yourself from them with a polite nod, and leave through the other door, looking for a way outside to get some fresh air. But you find yourself in what seems to be the dining room. This house is so big, I think I might actually get lost here, you think, looking around for another exit. 

You turn on your heels when a guy, evidently drunk, approaches you. Givng him a quick once over, you find that you don’t recognise him. While this was a closed invitation party, unfortunately there’s always the few people who think it’s okay to just bring another buddy along who also brings their friend, leading to a handful of people that no one really invited or even knows. This is one of them. 

You intend to walk past him, but he takes a side step to block your path. Taking a quick step back to have some distance between you and him, you try the other side, but again he cuts you off.

“Can you let me through?”

“What are you doing here all alone?” His words are slurred, and he suddenly grabs onto your wrist with a strong grip.

“Wha–? Let me go!” The back and forth until you finally manage to get your arm free makes you spill your drink onto the floor.

He seems unfazed by this, grunting in annoyance and trying to grab you again, but you evade his movements this time, taking several steps back.

“I said back off! Leave me alone!”

Now he has you cornered against the wall, and you consider your options. He stretches out his hand again to take ahold of you, but before he reaches you, Cal has appeared through another archway to your right and grabs the guy by the collar of his shirt, pulling him away from you. Two of his football buddies follow.

“Which part of ‘back off’ do you not understand?” he growls at the guy, letting him go with a shove. “Get lost.”

“And who do you think you are? You’re interrupting–” the guy starts, grabbing Cal by the shoulder and turning him around, but before he can even finish his sentence, Cal clocks him in the jaw, and the guy falls to the ground ungracefully, landing in your puddle from earlier with a grunt. The two other guys that arrived with Cal grab him, one arm each, and carry him away, probably outside to kick him out. 

Cal turns to you, shaking the hand he hit the other guy with. 

“Are you okay?” he asks as he approaches you, wanting to hold your arms, but his hands only hover over you as he looks you over for any injuries. 

“I’m– I’m okay. Thank you,” you croak out, blinking repeatedly to process what just happened. Cal gingerly holds your wrist up, inspecting it. You can already see some dark marks forming where the guy before had grabbed you. Cal’s thumb strokes over the inside of your wrist soothingly, his eyes finding yours, and you’re unable to look away. He’s about to say something when voices call out to you. He turns around to see Sabine, Ahsoka and Ezra approaching.

“Are you okay? What happened?” she asks, seeing the puddle on the ground just in time and walking around it.

“Some guy was really drunk, he grabbed my arm and–”

“And I punched him,” Cal finishes.

Sabine raises a brow at that, giving you a look.

“Ugh, I’m so sorry,” Ezra apologises. “I told everyone to not just show up with random people. This shouldn’t have happened.”

“Ezra, it’s okay. Really guys, I’m fine.” You swallow down whatever is trying to bubble up, be it a nervous breakdown after a scary situation or just the fact that Cal saved your bacon. Shoving it all into the back of your brain to deal with later, you smile at your friends. “The jerk is dealt with, it’s all good, really. Now let’s go back to enjoying the party. I heard you have a karaoke machine?”

“Yeah,” Sabine says and gives you a questioning look. ‘You sure you're okay?’ At the insistence in your own eyes, she nods. “Okay then, let’s go sing our lungs out. C’mon, guys.”

Ezra apologises again before following Sabine. Ahsoka asks you if you’re sure you’re good, you insist that yes everything is fine, so she leaves as well.

You look to Cal with a grateful smile, about to head out as well, but he stops you.

“Uhm, actually, I’ve been meaning to ask,” he says, again scratching his neck in that adorably shy manner, and your breath might or might not have hitched there. “Next week we have a big game against another school team. Do you want to come? And possibly cheer for us?”

“I was wondering if I could ever go to one of your games,” you reply sincerely, smiling up at him. “I’ll cheer for you.”

“For my team or for me specifically?” he remarks with an inquisitive grin, but to your relief, the music from the living room hits your ears before you can even come up with a smooth reply.

“Oh, that’s my jam, c’mon!” You hook your arm around Cal’s and drag him to where everyone’s waiting, both of you laughing. 

— — — — —

The match is intense. You don’t really know all the rules, but you can feel the tension in the air.  

You cheer for Cal from where you sit on the bleachers with Sabine, Ezra and everyone else, all of you shouting and cheering. You haven’t even entirely recovered from the karaoke session, so this surely isn’t helping your vocal chords, but you don’t care. 

Every now and then he looks up from where he is on the field, searching for you in the crowd. He pats the outside of his knee twice when he does, and every time you can feel the rush of heat and giddiness crashing over you. It’s the same gesture he does when you’re on his bike. It’s like a secret signal between the two of you. You don’t care about biting back the giant smile on your face or trying to hide how flustered you look every time he spots you among the audience, and Sabine catches on.

The timer on the giant screen counts down the last seconds of the match, both teams are tied. Cal goes into the offensive, and they make one heck of a play, scoring the last point just before the timer buzzes. Everyone in the audience stands up cheering, clapping, whistling. You as well.

As the announcer wraps up the game and the players leave for the changing rooms, Sabine and you head down to the entrance. Many are already leaving, since the match is over, but friends and family of the players are waiting for them to come out to celebrate.

Sabine and Ezra exchange curious looks with each other, and Sabine elbows you into the side.

“So?” Ezra asks. 

“So what? “ you retort. 

“Are you gonna make a move?” Sabine chimes in. 

“On Cal?”

“Who else!"

“I don’t know…” you respond, unsure. “I don’t want to read too much into it–”

“Ohmygod,” Ezra groans as he shakes you by the shoulders. “You’re both so smitten with each other, it’s starting to be unbearable to watch.

You laugh nervously. Does he really think that? 

“Guys! Here they come,” Sabine interrupts you two as she spots the winning team.

Ezra lets go of you after one last shake, and you all turn to face the players, now showered and changed back into their normal clothes. 

Cal’s eyes roam the space until they find yours, and you think you might go blind by his smile. He’s positively glowing. You’re just expecting to maybe hug him, congratulate him on the win, and then you’ll all go get food together as you’ve planned.

Instead, Cal doesn’t slow down as he approaches you, throwing his arms around your torso and lifting you into the air, spinning you around a couple of times. You hold on to him with a squeak of surprise, and he laughs so heartily, you’re actually glad he’s holding you in the air, because your legs surely would have given out.

Once gently placed back onto the ground, you just kind of look at each other, until Ezra loudly clears his throat, and Cal quickly lets go of you. After you guys say your congratulations to Cal and the rest of his team, you head out to the restaurant. It’s nearby so you decide to walk, the weather is nice even though it's the evening.

The rest of the night, you and Cal seem to tiptoe around each other, like there’s suddenly an invisible line that has been drawn, and you’re both waiting for the other to cross over first. You exchange smiles, glances, accidental touches followed by apologies.

Once the food is gone and the adrenaline starts depleting, it’s time to head home. Cal offers to walk you home, since you’re still relatively close to the dorms. Anakin drove to the game, so he takes the rest back with him in his car.

After you say your goodbyes to the group, not without getting some definitely non-inconspicuous looks from your two besties, it dawns on you that once you’re home, Cal will be stranded there. You bring it up to him, and for a minute you actually consider offering for him to stay the night, but you’re actually not mentally or emotionally prepared for that. So you’re glad when he says he doesn’t mind, he’ll just get a cab or something when he's there, since he got a ride with his coach to the game today and didn’t ride his bike. 

You’re walking down the street in comfortable silence, surrounded by the darkness that's already taken over the sky. You look up expecting to see stars, but you’re disappointed to see clouds. In fact, dark, low hanging clouds, threatening to spill over any moment. 

“Huh, when did it get this stormy,” you wonder aloud, and as if on cue, a gust of wind picks up, sending some leaves and debris flying over the street.

“I’m pretty sure there was no rain announced today–” 

The moment Cal says that, it comes pouring down all at once. 

“What the–! Argh!” you groan in frustration at the sudden downpour, but Cal just laughs, taking your hand as he pulls you away.

“Come on!”

You let yourself be led to take shelter under an awning. You look down at yourself, already soaked even though you were exposed for mere seconds. The sound of rain hitting the ground drowns everything else. You look out with a pout, knowing you’ll have to wait out the weather to get anywhere. 

Suddenly you feel a weight on your shoulders. You look to the side to see Cal placing his varsity jacket on you, and you’d be lying if you weren’t welcoming the warmth. Given that today was supposed to be a clear night, you didn’t really have that many layers, so you gladly slide your arms into the sleeves, hugging yourself. 

Instead of letting go completely of the jacket though, Cal keeps readjusting the collar, tugging on one side so that you turn until you’re fully facing him. A droplet of water falls from his hair onto his cheek. You uncross your arms, slowly bringing your hands up to his forearms, shyly holding onto them. 

“Can i kiss you?” he asks without looking away. And you couldn’t have even if you wanted to, it’s like his ocean eyes held yours in a tight embrace, unable to move. You don’t answer immediately, despite every fiber in your body screaming yes!

“I’m scared,” you finally say in a small voice, almost getting drowned out by the raging rain. Cal’s head backtracks a bit in surprise. 

“What of?” 

“It’s silly,” you pout again, this time looking away, but his hand finds your cheek, bringing your gaze back to him.

“You can tell me,” he assures you. You let out a sharp breath of frustration at yourself. 

“I’ve just… never felt like this before,” you admit. “I'm scared of how much of an effect you have over me, I suppose, and as such making a fool of myself. I want you to like me, so badly.”

Cal tilts his head slightly to the side, offering a warm reassuring smile.

“I can assure you, I feel the same way about you.”

“I don't believe you,” you retort with a scoff. “You always look so collected and confident and just generally cool.”

“On the outside, maybe. But trust me, I'm freaking out on the inside. Check for yourself.”

He takes your hand and places it on his chest, leaving his hand on yours. His heart is beating at a quick pace. The moment you look up again and meet his eyes, the pace picks up. In the faint light you can see a blush spreading on his face, heart pounding against his ribcage, with yours to match.

“Same here,” you say.

“I know,” he replies with a bit of mischief, his other hand on your cheek moving down a bit to your neck, where you now know he can feel your pulse. 

You know he’s still waiting for your answer, but you decide to tease him. Just a bit. Besides, this question has been burning on your tongue for what feels like an eternity now.

“When we went down to the basement, you knew it wasn’t haunted, right?” you ask, and he has to adjust to the sudden change of topic, looking surprised at first, then laughing heartily. You continue, “You knew it was a thing that couples do?” 

“Ah, you got me,” he replies with a light shrug. 

“Did you plan the whole thing out from the start?”

“Actually, no.” He looks away for a moment with a faint smile, thinking back to that day, then meets your eyes again. “I did want to go there with you but didn’t know how to ask. Then I saw you at the vending machine, and the whole thing with Kenobi happened, and it was just too good of an opportunity to pass.”

“I can’t believe I got played like that,” you say with a dramatic sigh. “You know, had you told me back then that you liked me, I would have gone willingly to the basement to leave a note.”

“Guess I was scared, too.”

“That’s fair,” you say, your hands coming up to his face to hold it properly now. You smooth your thumb over his cheekbone, and he leans into your touch. “Well, now that that’s sorted out: yes, yes you can.”

Cal leans in, catching your lips in his, and he holds you so tenderly, you might as well melt down and get swept away by the rain. Your whole body burns, and you grab a fistful of his shirt in an attempt to pull him closer. His hands travel down your arms to snake around your waist between his jacket and your damp shirt, holding you up as you involuntarily put more of your weight on him, the legs under you threatening to give in completely. 

He breaks the kiss and pulls back only enough to pepper your whole face in little kisses, making you giggle.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for a while,” he remarks, trailing kisses down your jaw, then coming back up to place one last kiss on your lips, which you chase after as he pulls back again, and he chuckles.

“We should get going,” he says, taking your hands in his. “The rain stopped, we should get you home before you catch a cold.”

“Right,” you mumble, still trying to come down from the high of that kiss.  

You start walking down the street hand in hand, and you swing them back and forth between the two of you. You’re almost at your place when he gets a call. Taking his phone out, he picks up and puts it on speaker; it’s Anakin. He asks if Cal needs a ride because of the sudden rain.

“You’re asking now?” Cal laughs. “Well, you sure took your time.”

“I assumed you were… occupied.”

Your face burns up yet again, tips of your ears on fire, as Cal shoots you a funny look.

“Well, you’re not wrong,” he says into the phone.

“Oh my god–!” you squeak, hiding your face in your hands as you hear Padme’s cheering in the background. “But yes, please come pick him up. Or he might get sick. We’re both soaking wet.”

Cal holds back a laugh, and you grab onto his wrist to bring the phone closer to you.

“From the rain! Soaked from the rain!” you say firmly into the phone. “Geez...!”

After some more snickers, Anakin and Cal coordinate where he should pick him up. It’s just a street over from your dorm, so you have to part ways there.

“Let’s go somewhere this weekend,” Cal suggests as you’re hugging him goodbye.

“Like where?”

“I’ll show you one of my favourite spots. How about that? Bring your helmet.” 

“Ooh, roadtrip with BD. I’m in,” you agree.

Cal leans in to leave a lingering kiss on your cheek, but before he can pull back completely, you sneak in a peck on the corner of his mouth. Even in the darknes, the streelight the only source of illumination, you can see the furious blush on his face. If it were up to you, you’d kiss him until the sun comes back up, but the both of you really need to take a warm shower and get to bed. 

“It’s a date then,” Cal says with a wink and takes a couple of steps back, waving at you, then turning fully to walk towards the pick-up spot. 

“Yeah, a date…” you whisper to yourself dreamily.

— — — — —

True to his word, Cal takes you to his favourite place. You packed some food and drinks for the road, then headed out. By now you’re far more comfortable on the bike, so you can actually enjoy the view as well. The farther away you get from the city, the more you’re surrounded by forests, farms and you even cross a lake. Starting to gain elevation as he drives up the meandering narrow street, you arrive at a vantage point of sorts. There’s a small parking lot by the road, with a public restroom and some picnic tables. You two get off the bike, walking to the fence which feels to be right at the edge of the cliff, showing a fantastic view into a giant valley.

Your date takes its course; you eat, you chat, you even remembered to pack some cards so you play a couple of rounds on the table. 

When it’s time to head back, you’re packing your things, both of you standing by the bike.

“So, how’d you like it?” he asks.

“It’s beautiful,” you reply, letting your eyes roam over the landscape once more. You arrived here in the early afternoon, and now the sun is just about to set. 

“Anything else you’d like to do before we head back?” 

You think it over. You already ate, took some pictures, enjoyed the view. There’s really not much else to do here. But then a thought occurs to you.

“I, uhm…” For some reason you get shy with your request. “Is there any way we can sit on the bike facing each other? Not to drive, just to chill here a little longer. I’d like to see the full sunset.”

His brows rise in surprise, the slight blush on his cheeks not escaping you, and you wonder what it was about what you’re asking that caused it. 

“Sure. Here–”

He grabs you from underneath your arms, picking you up as you wrap your legs around his waist. He holds you like you weigh nothing, and swings one of his legs over the bike to take a seat like he normally would, placing you onto the tank. You unwrap your legs so that they’re hanging over his things, and that’s when you realise you just asked for you to straddle him. Not that you’re opposed to the result. 

You try finding your seat on the round tank, but you slip down further into his lap, now fully sitting on him. 

“Whoah, sorry,” you try to scoot back up but you’re essentially stuck. “Is this okay? Should I move back?”

“Don’t worry,” he says, looking to the side for a moment as he holds you by your waist, trying to hold you still, and he clears his throat nervously. “This is every biker’s dream, believe me. Are you comfortable?”

You hum in positive response, trying to accommodate to the position in his lap by squirming a little, and his grip on you tightens again. You hear him take a sharp breath though his teeth. 

“Ah, sorry…” you say as you realise what you’re doing. You place your hands on his chest, trying to hold still. For a moment you just sit there, looking at each other in silence, both of you starting to relax into each others’ holds. 

Then a gust of wind picks up, ruffling up his hair. Golden hour hits him just right, the fiery red strands on his head shine gold and copper in the sunlight, his hundreds of freckles seem to glisten on his skin, begging for you to trace over them with your fingers, his ocean eyes now have a hint of green and specks of gold in them, darting up and down as he studies your face as well. Your heart all but bursts at the sight.

“What?” he asks after a while, chuckling. 

“You're breathtaking,” you blurt out in full honesty, holding his face, wondering how it was possible for such a beautiful human being to exist? And he chose to be with you?

Your answer definitely takes him off-guard, as his face blushes violently, from his neck to the tip of his ears. He can’t hold your gaze, looking to the side. It takes a couple of attempts to form a proper sentence.

“You can’t say that with such a straight face, damn,” he laughs nervously. He leans his forehead on your shoulder in an attempt to hide his burning cheeks, but you cup his face and bring him back up to look at you.

“Besides,” he adds after a moment, “You only say that because you haven’t seen yourself. If you think that of me, then you’re nothing short of ethereal.”

So much for watching the sunset. You can’t take your eyes off of him, and his words pierce your very heart, but in a good way. Not really knowing what to reply to that, you kiss him instead, burying your fingers in his hair. 

Cal reciprocates just as intensely, and you can’t help but arch your back into him, thus rolling your hips into his, to which he groans. Your brain is instantly turned to mush, your body now in charge. He tilts his head to the side, his tongue tracing over your lips, and you gasp as you grant him access. Right now, Cal tastes like honey and cool mornings and the pine trees surrounding you. Your senses are on overload, your skin burns as Cal’s hands slip underneath your shirt, slowly travelling up your back, pressing you into him even more.

Finally breaking for air, Cal kisses your jaw, your neck, biting where your pulse is, and if you could still hear yourself, you’d probably be embarrassed about the noises you’re making. 

Then he pulls back rather suddenly, you notice his jaw is tense but you notice his dishevelled hair more, as well as his puffy lips, and the dazed look in his eyes which you’re surely sporting yourself too. You’re both panting, trying to calm your breathing. His hands slide back down and out of your shirt, staying on your thighs instead. 

“Maybe,” Cal says between breaths, “Maybe we should take this somewhere… else.” 

You run your hand through his hair in an attempt to smooth it out. 

“I think Ahsoka is out for the rest of the night,” you say, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. 

He raises a brow at you. You give him an innocent smile. 

“Let’s head back then,” he says, picking you up again like before, this time to get you off the bike. 

You finish packing up everything, hop on and start your way back to the dorms. All the while, his hand is either on yours or on your leg, lovingly stroking the side of your thigh. 

His biker gear really does suit him and you like how he looks in it, but for once, you can’t wait for him to take it off.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

🐥 taglist: [link to join in my pinned post!] @dybynyght, @galaxtic-writings, @kalea-bane , @soka-writes-things, @padawancat97, @riddikulus-obsessions, @optimisticprime3, @starilicious, @ivelostmyabilitytoeven, @alternatescififandomelover, @lovelyygirl8, @cathyket, @wildefire, @ghostkestis, @reckoning-star, @wyvernthekriger

[eve-was-framed]

okay this is gonna be a bit of a long rant (with some SA and CSA mentions so pls don’t read if that will be too much for you rn) but I’ve been thinking a lot about the “male loneliness epidemic” lately and I have some Thoughts ™

we live in very isolating, depressing and scary times. we live in a hyper-individualistic capitalist hellscape that seems to punish people who need community support. and I truly believe that we as humans should try to help each other out in the ways that we are able to.

but I lose 100% of my empathy for lonely depressed men when they start using their own personal issues as an excuse to peddle ideologies that advocate for rape, pedophilia, child marriage, sexual slavery, and even murder of women and girls. I don’t fucking care how sad you are, if you advocate for other humans beings to be subjected to the cruelest treatment possible then you either need to get serious help or die (and not take anyone with you when you do).

you do not have a fucking paramount on suffering. you are not the only ones who experience loneliness. I know you think women get to just pick and choose whichever romantic partner/friends we want, but that is false, and also being seen as nothing but a sex object by men is so incredibly isolating too. that’s not real love and connection, that’s only being valued for what we can provide for men. so many people feel so alone and it genuinely is a big problem.

I was raised in an extremely misogynistic cult that preaches that grown men are not responsible for anything they do to little girls bc “they’re wired that way.” I had very bad things happen to me before I was even old enough to realize what it meant. and you know what the excuse always is? “well it happened to him when he was younger too so he can’t help that he does it to you.” I learned very early that male suffering is viewed as more important than the suffering they inflict on innocent people. and despite going through this, despite seeing nearly every woman in my life go through something similar, despite all of this, I still would never ever sympathize with any ideology that preaches rape, slavery, sex trafficking, pedophilia, white supremacy, etc. and that doesn’t make me some super hero, it makes me a mildly normal person.

so no, nobody “pushed” you into your evil ideologies, nobody made you do that. if true suffering at the hands of the opposite sex is really the root cause of inceldom then almost every single woman I know would be the most insane incel you’d ever meet in your entire life. but they’re not, even though many of them are lonely and long for true companionship, none of them feel so angry and entitled to it that they want to murder and rape men or little boys. not a single one. the root cause of inceldom is, and always has been, male entitlement. men who were raised to believe the world and every woman in it exists to serve them in some way, but then grew up and realized that actually nobody is owed sex and you don’t get to force women to marry you and have kids, because we are human beings who deserve to be happy too. and this makes them so mad that they start thinking it’s okay to do whatever they want to whoever they want, because after all, nobody on planet earth could ever suffer as much as incels do when a woman tells them no.

I’m fucking sick of it. stop saying “they pushed me to this” and start taking even an ounce of accountability for your deranged, entitled mindset.

[facewithoutheart]

Thanks for the tags @monbons & @rimeswithpurple ❤️

I’ve finally finished the first draft of my COBB which feels super good. For once, I’m not doing a multi-chapter fic but I’m pleased with how it turned out. It needs a bit of finessing at the end so I’m going to let it sit for awhile. Come back when it’s closer to posting time for last minute tweaks.

Have some cute goat content:

Simon shrugged one shoulder. “Who can say? But he’s been loved. That’s what counts.” He placed the goat gently on the ground and the little thing scrambled away, bleating like a banshee at the kids who had yet to take flight. “Of course he’s also been a right bastard. Maybe that counts more.”

Cute/deranged, same thing.

Song vibes if you need them:

Tags & original fiction thoughts below the break.

I also spent some time making piccrews of my OCs. I only like to write original fiction about love triangles with two men and a woman so here, meet Hawk, Gabriel & Zoe:

Shout out to my brown eye peeps although I forgot Hawk actually has hazel eyes. WHOOPS. We’re just gonna pretend he has flecks of green sprinkles in there that only Gabriel can see. And yes Zoe is that hot on purpose. She’s a messy bitch and I love her.

One thing I’ve been thinking about lately is the theory that words written are not words wasted. As in, don’t regret the things you wrote that aren’t published or make it into the final piece. And I’ve had to adopt that for fanfic to original writing because sometimes it’s hard looking at my, frankly ridiculous, back catalog and wonder if it wasn’t all worthless. Because in the end I spent all that time and energy writing someone else’s stories.

But this is a fruitless and, frankly, untrue line of thinking. I’ve spent years honing my ability to write plot and setting and dialogue and action and messy situations. Sure, I’ve been using someone else’s characters and outline to do so, but the skills transfer even if they do also require new ones. I would never have had the courage to take on messy characters for a romance novel if I hadn’t written Boulders or This Charming Man. These two fics directly inspired my original idea.

So I’m kind of sitting around feeling really … grateful? I guess? That I’ve taken this time, I’ve written these words, and I’ve stretched these muscles. Writing an original novel is something I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid and it feels really good to be working on one again, especially after my rather demoralizing attempt at NaNoWriMo in 2022.

Which is all just to say I’m having a good time, and all your efforts are not wasted, and does this make any sense? Maybe not entirely. And maybe you’ve skimmed it but maybe this is also something that will resonate with one of you all.

Okay now. Tagging @martsonmars, @sillyunicorn, @bookish-bogwitch, @thewholelemon, @raenestee, @cutestkilla, @skeedelvee, @artsyunderstudy, @palimpsessed, @aristocratic-otter, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @stitchyqueer, @run-for-chamo-miles, @larkral, @whogaveyoupermission, @moodandmist, @mooncello, @creepyspice, @ivelovedhimthroughworse & @shrekgogurt

[musical-chick-13]

Sometimes I think about how people claim to want Morally Gray or Reprehensible Female Characters, (and, inevitably, the memes of "you couldn't even handle [x character]"), but...

I'm genuinely not sure most audiences could handle Dory Sief. She doesn't have a tragic backstory. Her goals, even the self-proclaimed altruistic ones, aren't about bettering the lives of those around her or For The Greater Good--they're about giving herself a sense of personal identity no matter the cost. With the exception of what happens to her in season 4, she brings...just about everything on herself. It's a comparatively rare occasion when she even feels guilty about the things she does, and she straight-up convinces herself that she wasn't at all responsible for the first and most narratively-significant Immoral Act.

She's selfish. She loves her friends, but not quite as much as she loves believing she's an Important Person with a Grander Purpose. She has several opportunities to try and better herself (and even shows a potential desire to sometimes), but at every single turn she actively chooses to be worse. She's still complex, she still feels like a real person--as does everyone on this show--but she's not meant to be a sympathetic or Super-Relatable Character™. She just...is.

And even more than the wacky plots or funny jokes or seasonal genre shifts or the excellent cast, I think this is ultimately what makes the show so fresh, entertaining, and...honestly special. Plenty of creators are...almost afraid to make their women truly messy. To unapologetically say, "No, this woman is not a good person," especially when that woman is a WOC. But this isn't a commentary on women in general being deceitful and evil, nor is it positing that people of color are uniquely dangerous. The people who made this show simply wanted to tell a story about someone who turns into a highly objectionable woman, and they actually stuck to it.

I've billed this as Everyone Gets Worse: The Show, but that's not just there for the sake of shocking the audience or because the creators ran out of ideas or don't understand what subversive stories are. The "getting worse" is an intentional choice. And the writers are well-aware that none of these people are good, and there's no attempt at telling the audience they are. We are asked simply to be entertained by the increasingly deranged misadventures these characters find themselves in. Which the show does deliver on quite well because even if these people suck as people, they are clearly still people. They have complexity, they have ugly and human emotions, they handle things poorly and immaturely, yes in a broader sense, but on a smaller interpersonal scale, too. None of them really know who they are or what they want. And all of this makes them still, in a show that goes progressively off-the-rails, incredibly human. Because even if the way their flaws manifests on a wider narrative scale isn't anything the audience will ever experience, we all know people who have those flaws.

I think also one of the great things about this show is that it very easily could have made Dory the Sole Bad Person In It. To do what so many other stories do and write her off as "the manipulative bitch." But her friends go along with her willingly. They commit and cover up crimes, they refuse to take responsibility for their actions, and while they place the blame on Dory's unscrupulous behavior by framing her as a uniquely bad influence, the show itself never does. They choose to keep coming back to her, to follow her lead, even though she is very much not forcing them to. And in most other shows, Drew would be written and/or presented as a completely innocent party, victim to Dory's Corruptive Woman Wiles. In this one he kids himself into believing that, even though the choices he makes tell us otherwise. This hypocrisy is the point, flipping the script on so many stories about one-dimensionally evil Femme Fatales; on so many fictional narratives that misogynistically put every single bit of culpability on the women, regardless of whether that even matches up with what we see on-screen or on-page.

I just see how many people do exactly that--hold female characters to a higher standard than their male (usually white) counterparts, blame them for everything even events they had little to no hand in. And I think of Dory and how so many people would probably react to her despite the quality and cleverness and complexity of her writing.

Which only makes me want more characters like her. And more shows like this one.

[tinyfishtits]

Okay okay okay— not sure how much you care for Amos, but I care for Amos and Micah and love hearing people’s interpretations of them: their childhood, their history, childhood memories they shared, what split them apart, If Micah still cares for Amos all these years later, etc.

This is my first time sending in an ask that could be turned into a brief drabble so I don’t know how this goes, but, feel free to just word vomit your thoughts. Bullet points or written out, anything works, all would make me super happy.

Ever since I heard Micah talk about his family by the campfire in chapter 2 and say this about Amos; 

“What kind of man lives by the SEA? Hm? I ASK YOU! Huh? HUH? The kind of man that gets told where to live by his wife. (insert the most adorably deranged giggling) Ain't no woman never told me nothin’, apart from ‘Make yourself scarce!’ And that suits me about fine…” 

But he says the last And that suits me about fine… in such a dejected, sad lil way and drifts off into silence I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT 😩

Okay but my biggest Bell family headcanon is that they were so Winchester coded when they were all together. Micah being the oldest took after his dad and the ‘family business’ and even though he loves Amos he grew to resent him for not only being, how he puts it, a “spineless coward” but because he most likely had to teach and care for him while his dad was busy finding leads on new jobs or just drinking himself into oblivion. 

Micah needs risk, excitement and challenge in his life. And the fact that his little brother was SO wildly different from him// compassionate, cried the first time Micah had him shoot a rabbit. Empathetic, tried to comfort Micah after his father beat him (which I guarantee he was abused -  Held under a way harsher lens than his brother) longed for something more. Amos probably wanted to be a tradesman of some sort, can see him having been OBSESSED with trains when he was little and always wanting to stop and watch them go by, pestering Micah to please please please take the train to the next town instead of riding there. // 

His difference was probably a big disappointment to Micah, but even more so because I think he truly loved and cared for his brother and didn’t want to see him broken the way he was. He pushed him away, mocked and belittled him both because Micah can’t admit he wants those things because he so deeply believes he doesnt deserve them… His father deluded him into thinking there was strength in solitude. And it was his way of telling Amos he wasn’t fit for the life they led, to get the fuck out while he still could. 

In the end, I think it brings Micah a lot of closure to hear Amos made it out and has a family, i like to think the man even shed a tear reading that letter, thinking of the little boy that cried when he killed a rabbit even though they’d been starving for weeks. The boy he practically raised by himself. Thinking of him happy. UGH. 

Also i love the name Amos??? Like what are you, a cookie? it’s SO CUTE! Anyway… Thanks for indulging me in a lil Micah/Amos rant. I love them and I love you for asking about them thank you Meeks!!! BOUNUS REC: Purl_30 writes Micah so well and has a few pre-gang bell fics, one in particular - and the entire reason I fell in love with this damn gunslinger in the first place - is The Survivor ! Amos and Micah Bell II are characters in this fic as well. It’s personally canon for me as Micah’s origin HIGHLY RECOMMEND !!

<3

[pleuvoire]

me and the gang's judgment on gender configurations of blue lock ships:

nagireo - the ultimate applicable pairing that works as yaoi, yuri, or het in both directions. m!nagi+f!reo kind of builds upon and exaggerates the inherent "reo is the girl in the relationship" subtext of the original in a way that...doesn't super appeal to me personally but i can't deny it works on a narrative level and feels very fitting. on the other hand f!nagi+m!reo is EXCELLENT and me and the gc have latched onto it despite our usual heterophobia. what if a tall useless lazy gamer girl got discovered by a perky charming guy determined to make her the world's best soccer player... and what if they were t4t also.... and of course yuri nagireo fucking rules eternally

kunigiri - canonically het by default to ME (tgirl chigiri agenda 4 lyfe) but yuri kunigiri is also really good. butch x tomboy... gym rat muscle butch cis girl x androgynous bifeauxnen trans girl... i have no opinions on any gendered configuration of kunigiri that involve chigiri being a guy because that doesn't real to me.

isarin - dude toxic yuri isarin slaps so fucking hard. girls devouring each other and tearing each other to pieces with their teeth let's GOOOOOO!!!!! m!isagi+f!rin isn't viable to me though because if isagi acted that way to a woman i would have to fucking kill him. on the other hand f!isagi+m!rin with isagi being a deranged straight girl about it is kind of interesting like maybe straight girls should get to attempt to tear their love interest's throat out with their teeth as well except the problem is i can't really see any male version of rin being into women even in an au. and also if you want deranged girl isagi then yuri isrn is right there. have i mentioned yuri isrn rules

ryusae - tbh ryusae is eminently yurifiable because sae has all those elegant ice queen tropes going on and shidou is a faggy gyaru so it's really easy to just flip them over that line. and guess what? yuri sdse fucking rules. and furthermore i think it's really fun how much yuri sdse fanart gives off t4t vibes and we've got a whole t4t yuri sdse mind palace over there in the gc. het sdse is less good though because as oomf said, either sae is the woman and it just feels like the same pairing but less fun (also i would have to kill shidou for talking like that to a woman) or shidou is the woman and that honestly makes sae look kinda gay like wdym you have this super hot gyaru gf obsessed with you and you just act cold to her 🤨

that's all the bllk pairings i have any real feelings about. the conclusion of this post is that yuri fucking rules and het is only provisionally allowed sometimes. thanks for tuning in

[el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle]

can you do a breakdown about Betty's psychological transformation post-Cartagena please? because she came back so strong that i need to apply that in my life lmao

Hiii!

Ngl I'm not a psychologist or anything of the sorts lol but I think what Betty went through was a whole really shattering experience.

When we meet Betty at the beginning of the novela, she was a woman clinging to her last hope of love and fulfillment. She’s been hurt horribly before but she's healed enough that she is willing to try again (of course, she still bears a lot of mental scars from what Miguel did to her, but she knows she'll never be able to fully get over it until she can find real love). It is her life's dream to love and be loved but after the double date with Aura Maria and Roman's joke when they left her waiting, she is fully convinced that this dream is impossible. This is why she is so willing to take the chance when Armando gives her the opporrunity.

In Armando she saw perfection. She saw a man like no other, one that is deep and kind and just and that somehow loves her. She has no reason to doubt it's false because he's always been so attentive and special to her (a bunch of people even tell her so way before the Plan), to the point where he defends and protects her and trusts in her his deepest insecurities and most vulnerable moments. So it makes logical sense that he is developing feelings, even if it's a complete break from his pattern of usual lover (from whom she also knew he never felt anything, too).

She loves this man so much she is willing to sacrifice the only rock in her life: her integrity, her hard work, the values her father is so proud of. She's willing to lower her barriers (which she had, very high, as she often tried to put distance between them before and during the lover's phase, how she was initially in denial, how she often tried to break up, etc). She's willing to go to sleep with a dirty consciousness as long as she can love Armando.

Betty commits several serious acts throughout the novela, including adultery by being with an engaged man, being involved in smuggling, faking numbers, lying and deceiving to her dad while also involving him in the deception without him knowing (when she KNOWS he's despise it all if he knew what Terramoda actually was), creating an alternative business that is supposed to be super very "legal" but we all know it's just a loophole in the law, etc.

Beatriz Pinzón willingly gives up her peace, her morals, her values, and even those of her own FAMILY for Armando Mendoza because she truly believes he's the best man there is ans he deserves all sacrificies.

And then she learns he's just as awful as any other man she has ever met before. Except that now, she has given him EVERYTHING she has.

This time, the man who used her not only used her love and her body and discarded her like trash. This time, he also took with him her honor, her values, her peace of mind; he involved her in illicit and immoral businesses, and also involved her father, the only man who actually loves her.

This leads her to a complete mental breakdown.

Every hope and dream is shattered, and she's convinced that her life will forever be full of misery. She's convinced no man will ever love her. She's filled with blind rage because once again she was willing to trust and to love and to lower her barriers just to once again be used and laughed at and mocked, to later be discarded like an old rag.

Betty suffers a full mental breakdown, and even Nicolás points out that Betty looks a bit deranged, because she straight up nearly was. She went through pretty much the same destructive depressive episode that Armando went through, except that Armando's destruction was towards himself, while Betty's was towards Armando.

Betty straight up becomes abusive towards Armando in a moment of blood lust. She wants revenge. She wants to make him feel just a bit of the distress and regret and mental anguish that she's suffering, and that's why she does all that she does during the revenge arc.

Later, the Boatd Meeting happens, and it's in part a bit of letting go. It's over, she thinks, and she can now finish her revenge. By this point she realizes that hurting him hurts her, too, because she actually loves Armando even though she's still filled with rage and disgust.

By this point, Betty is exhausted. She's tired and as she puts distance with all that keeps reminding her of her rage (Ecomoda, the executives, the beautiful world she only sees from afar), said rage calms down enough for the real sentiment behind ut to come out: pain. A lot, a lot of pain.

And I know I've been talking a lot about pre Cartagena and the question is about Post Cartagena, but the pre era is crucial because it nearly destroyed her. It broke her to such a point that it allowed her to repuefe herself back together as a different and stronger woman. Betty had suffered a lot throughout her life and she had been used before, but this particular experience with Armando was so emotioanlly and psychologically devastating that it helped her reinvent herslef becahse it shattered all her hope and dreams and perception of the world.

She finds refuge in Catalina. Actually, I should correct myself, Betty starts finding hope since Bolocco and Gisela and Adriana. All these beautiful women are proof to her that there are still good and physically beautiful people in the world. That they're not invinsible goddesses with problems and oh so above us all. That they're regular people too. When she goes to Cartagena, she experiences somethign completely foreign to her before: acceptance. Kindness. Inclusion. Interest.

Her physical change is only a representartion of her inner change, and also a consequence of it. Because Betty broke so much she needed a change. She was scared but she was so done with herself and trusted Cata so much that she allowed herself to try.

Cartagena was in general an incredibly healing experience. She got to meet different people who were kind and learned that even people "like her" could still participate and be wanted in the world. She spent a lot of time with women who she would have in another time idealized and seen as unapproachable and above her, and they treated her as an equal and in some cases even talked to her about their own regular woman's struggles. Betty basically learned that regardless of what looks back at you un the mirror, you can still be unappreciated, hurt, used, and discarded. But she also learned that it is within herself the power to change what she didn't like seeing, which is why she accepts Cata's offer for a change even though Betty was terrified of the change!

She saw a more human side of the population, and saw that she was part of the world. She also saw that there is so much beautiful people, inside and outside. Additionally, Catalina helped her channel her rage and hurt, and guided her into forgiving Armando for what he did.

All of this leads to Betty having a different mentality when she comes back from Cartagena. She no longer feels alieanated from the world. She understands the power of other people's words and unkindness, and knows all women can do something to feel better about their reflection, but, like her, many need guidance because when you've never seen anyone who looks like you being guided and seen as pretty, you'll forever think you're less.

She comes back wanting to demonstrate that she's no longer the same Betty. She also wants to make a genuine change in the world by helping women in her same position.

Betty was always patient and good with people and able to articulate her thoughts pretty well, and always had this leadership aura dormant within her, so that also helped a lot! Betty doesn't change as much, rather, she polishes and lets shine a part of her that her fear of rejection and insecurity and all the years of abuse kept hidden.

Oh, another very important thing for Betty's success was her support system. Her mom, Nicolas, Cata, don Hermes, her Cartagena friends, and even Armando during her collection launch! Betty never stopped needing that extra push, wich is completely normal in any situation but in hers specifically the role of her support system is absolutely crucial!

Basically and in summary, what helped her was:

The complete shattering of her previous beliefs that led her to get out of her comfort zone

Enacting her revenge and realizing by herself that it wasn't satisfactory or good for anyone

Time and space away from Ecomoda

Good beautiful (in and nout) people (support system)

Her own personality (kindness, empathy, and being good with people)

Changing her appearence since it was a boost of self steem!

I hope I didn't miss anything jajaja thank you for the question and I'm sorry that I took forever to answer!!

[lemonhemlock]

No because all the anons talking about the Aemond x TB OC self insert fics are so real. Because those are so ridiculous derivative it is crazy

-White haired Targaryen looking child of Rhaenyra, probably named Visenya is either 1- takes after her mother because genetics don't exist 2-is the one trueborn daughter of Laenor and Rhaenyra who was conceived during consummation

-Can sword-fight, ride, talks like a 21st century woman, is a #girlboss and a 3rd wave feminist

-Takes Aemond's eye out as children instead of Luke being the one to do it

-Aemond somehow falls head over heels in love with her because she is #notlikeothergirls and just really really super hot

-Aemond abandons his family, his brothers, his sister, his mother and all the people he cares about to go fight for Rhaenyra because apparently the SI is just so hot and he is so in love with her

-They probably repeatedly have amazing super hot poorly written pre-marital sex but SI ofc doesn't get pregnant but there is no explanation like moon tea or anything

-Aemond calls his family out for being misogynistic haters or something for some reason????

- 639363 pages of Alicent bashing

-Aegon is the devil himself

-SI and Aemond get married and have children with white hair who they name after Rhaenyra and Daemon

-Author somehow managing to sneak in their own opinions that Rhaenyra is the one true heir and her and Daemon are innocent little saints who do no wrong

Just explained the plot of like a min. of 50 of Aemond x TB OC fics

i mean.... yeah :)) good for them for having their fun, but, bless their hearts, i had to check out

at the end of the day everyone can relate to this feeling of frustration when the majority of fics skew in a direction you're not a fan of. and every author should absolutely feel like they can post whatever they want and enjoy themselves; the target audience isn't always you and that's fine. but i simultaneously feel like venting these annoyances with like-minded people in your own space is also not a crime. sometimes we don't like stuff and want to gossip about it. it's really not that serious, everyone has the thinnest skin imaginable these days

it's like we've forgotten how to interact with one another. not liking something is not a personal affront to the person who does like it. it does not require outrage at the expressing of an opinion. it does not require a silencing campaign. you shouldn't expect others to keep quiet all the time just so your feelings won't be hurt. the fuck. especially when, i repeat, the tags can always be muted. what are you even doing interacting with the posts if the mere act of verbalizing a dislike bothers you so much?

there's a world of difference between occasional banter and sending authors hate, leaving disgruntled reviews, telling people to kms or insinuating that on your blog, casually accusing them of being illegal sexual deviants and whatever other deranged insults stans trade like candy and we definitely should stop acting like these two things are the same. you don't have to turn everything into a fight in the trenches

Anonymous asked: Yeah while I don't expect Alicent to be portrayed in every fic as the best mother who has no bad qualities since nobody is perfect it's becoming tiring to constantly read about how she's always trying to actively destroy her children's lives and is to blame for most things including the upcoming war while Rhaenyra is an amazing mother who truly loves her children and can do no wrong, like the worst she'll do is maybe arrange some unwanted marriage to her OC daughter or betroth her to another man who is not Aemond. I've come across to stories in which Alicent was abusive to Aemond for no reason other than she's a bad mother, was physically recoiled by his lost eye, turned and indoctrinated him into a religious extremist just like she's always portrayed in many fics or even tried to have Rhaenyra's daughter be assassinated just to prevent Aemond from defecting to the other side by marrying her and not the Baratheon daughter the greens want him to marry. To some extent I do believe it's very hard to avoid some OOC-ness from these characters since they're being put into new scenarios that didn't happen in canon and everything about this is being left to the author's personal interpretation which will naturally spark some debate whether or not what a certain character's actions are believable within their universe, however, due to the formulaic nature of a lot of those fics most characters (especially green ones if we're talking about Rhaenyra's daughter OCs) are brought to insane levels of OOC just to make their story work. Like yeah, if Aemond has constantly been abused by his mother (not physically necessarily), by Aegon, by his grandfather and, on top of that, Alicent and/or Otto try to have his beloved OC assassinated well, chances are this will make him denounce his family and switch sides sooner or later. Something that would've never happened under normal circumstances. Oh and I've also noticed a trend in quite a few of these fics of using Alys in cheating tropes and always turning her into an evil witch and seductress who tries to separate Aemond from the OC and use him for her own benefits…all I'm going to say is you don't want to see how demented and misogynistic people get about her in the comment sections. Anyway I'm sorry about extending this discussion about Aemond x OC fics and I hope it hasn't attracted too many weirdos who are spewing hate in your inbox!

i pretty much agree with you, anon, not much more to add. :))

[sailorsally]

hi so I am very new to the fandom. Can you explain who Daniela is? I am so lost but I do get the vibe that I already dislike her

Hi anon! Daniela is the woman who organizes JiB con in Rome, Italy every year. There have been a handful of those cons so far. See there are many supernatural cons but JiB was special because a) it's in Europe when most CE cons are limited to the US and b) JiB had something no other con had: a cockles panel!

You might have seen Jensen and Misha being silly and flirty on stage, most of these are from JiB. Over the years JiB had given us classics like the famous "resume off", straddle gate, orgasm imitation, hitch kiss, green eyed grasshopper & blue eyed cootie pototie, "you know what i haven't told you today? That love you", and most recently Jensen calling Misha his (?) boyfried.

So needless to say, masses would flock from all corners of the world to JiB con to experience the sexually charged deranged energy between these men in person & pay lots of money for it too! (Or should I say "donate" because JiB con is officially registered as a charity and the prices people pay for tickets/extras are called "donations" in order to avoid paying taxes. Yes, for real)

However, Daniela, the organizer as established above, is also head over heels in love with Jensen and wants to have him all to herself. This need of hers often manifests in her being not so kind to Misha (#interesting). She will famously send in Jared to crash cockles panels whenever Jensen & Misha get too handsy. Most recently she interrupted a genuine heartfelt moment between Misha and Jensen when Jensen was praising Misha and talking about their lifelong friendship. Now I know this could be seen as a coincidence but the interruption ALWAYS happens when Jensen & Misha are being affectionate.

On top of this, Daniela is, well, homophobic?? At the last JiB con with Misha someone tried to get their fanart of Dean & Cas touching foreheads signed and Daniela wouldn't allow Misha to sign. On top of that, she was super rude about it at the time (noting that there were no rules about destiel fanart nor was the piece in question nsfw) and then took the whole thing online and when people confronted her about it on twitter she just decided that from now on she wouldn't allow any Destiel fanart at con and also blocked bunch of people who were criticizing her.

Now the latest drama is that she announced yesterday that Misha won't be coming to JiB anymore because he's charging too much and they can't afford to pay him (so far Misha was only getting a fraction of what Jensen & Jared get from attending JiB con). And that's all good and understandable except her numerous tweets make it sound like it's Misha's fault because he's too greedy. Here's one of the examples:

Or again, it's Misha's fault because he doesn't sell as good as J*2:

which is obviously a lie because

all in all, the worst thing in all this is that she kept tagging Misha in ALL her petty replies 🙂

Anyways, that's Daniela for you.

[narrators-journal]

Hyoga x fem!Reader headcanons

Another Ao3 ask! This one's for Dr. Stone, so I tried not to push myself too bad to just test the waters on whether I want to write for it again. And...admittedly, I don't think I'm up for scenarios for this fandom yet. I'm getting there, but it still sucks the soul out of me to write something super long for this fandom...

Hope it’s still enjoyable tho!

CW: foreplay mentioned, rough sex, edging, sexual sadism mentioned. Nothing explicit, but they’re brought up.

Hyoga is a pretty cold person. He's generally just ruthless and he's not too strong on his morality.

So, he doesn't strike me as someone who easily goes into serious relationships.

Somewhat for the reason that his standards are just, very high for a partner, and somewhat because he's just. An asshole sometimes.

He generally just has the vibe that he's sooner to use someone than to love them and do what he does out of the goodness of his heart.

So, any real sex with Hyoga would likely be more of a situation-ship than anything else.

Maybe he would grow to care for you, maybe not, but either way the most likely start to your relationship would be less romantic than you might hope.

That's not to say the sex wouldn't be at least fun.

Sure, it might not be the most romantic of hook-ups, but Hyoga's got a bit of pride to him, so I don't think he could bear to be garbage in bed no matter how selfish or deranged he may be.

In fact, despite his deranged hopes for the new world and moral flexibility that might lead you to believe he's a selfish, mean partner. Hyoga would, at least, not be opposed to slower sex.

After all, you don't need to jackhammer a girl to be sadistic, all you need is some time and dedication.

Granted, Hyoga can be quick and rough, but it's more fun for him to slowly torment his partner. Watch her devolve into a mewling, moaning, squirming mess pleading for a break.

He achieves this with a surprising taste for foreplay.

As sharp tongued in bed as he is in public, more than happy to edge a girl into madness, and with the cold selfishness of wanting his own way with no real care for opinions, Hyoga prides himself on how he can unravel a woman into utter putty in bed.

That being said, he doesn't submit almost at all. Even in positions like cowgirl he keeps a majority of the control.

Also, with his ego, any woman he sleeps with would be expected to worship his body as well as plead for him. It mostly depends on the mood he's in that day.

The trade off for this enjoyment of thorough sex is that when you and him do have a quicky, he's probably going to be more worried about his orgasm than yours.

It's a give and take if you sleep with Hyoga. You give up an overtly emotional relationship for a man who can turn you into jello for at least a day after, and that's even without needing his dick.

[elia-nymmeros]

who would you say is your all time favourite character? could be any media, not just asoiaf :)

tysm for the ask!! i genuinely wince every time i think about favorites bc my mind suddenly wipes clean and i can't remember any piece of media ever. as far as i remember, i really like henry winter from tsh, natasha romanov from marvel and elizabeth bennet from p&p, but i'll say that right now my all time favorite character is brienne tarth. very long propaganda about her under the cut!

at the risk of sounding deranged, i could talk for hours about all the facets of her character that i think work so well with asoiaf's themes? for example, the fact that she's a genuinely ugly (and i think it's super important to her character that she's considered ugly), shy and socially awkward young woman in a world where your appearance determines your morality in the eyes of society and where noble women are expected to perform certain social roles. these traits work very well in her story about knighthood, because she's the one character in the main asoiaf saga that cannot be considered a knight by society (and, in fact, is not even considered a woman in many cases) and yet she truly embodies the values of knighthood (chivalrous, brave, defends women and children at her own cost) to the point that i think her quote 'no chance, and no choice' raises her to the position of the one true knight in westeros (echoing 'are there no true knights among you?' from dunk, her literal ancestor!).

and yet, even though she sounds like the perfect character who is superior because of her morality, she's actually not very successful canonically? like, she failed at protecting renly (and renly didn't particularly liked or respected her), she failed at protecting catelyn and has not been able to find the stark sisters so far, she failed at bringing jaime to king's landing too (and she won their duel because he'd grown rusty after being chained for months), and in her greatest scene so far, fighting seven against one, she's defeated and mutilated and has to be saved by gendry bc she's not actually superhuman and fought while heavily outnumbered.

in most other sagas she'd have been a petite and graceful girl, she'd have defeated rorge's companions without suffering debilitating injuries, she'd be loved and respected by everyone after seeing her noble personality and excellent swordsmanship. grrm goes deeper than this, so brienne embodies the traits of a knight and yet cannot ever become one, she behaves like the hero of a story and is mocked/insulted/assaulted constantly because she's not the ideal of a hero in westeros' social canon (just like dany, tyrion, jon, bran, arya, etc), she's a very capable and strong fighter and yet has also been in 3 different sides of the war with no success (and probably will end up in another side yet again if she lives to fight the others), and long emotional abuse has left her deeply insecure, paranoid, resentful and doubtful of her ability to perform gender (to the point that she calls herself a 'son' at some point bc she utterly fails at westerosi femininity)

idk, i think in her character there are a lot of super interesting themes intersecting, such as gender, social expectations and naivety, bravery and honor, self-esteem and physical ability, treachery and prejudices, what does it mean to be a good knight in an unfair, deeply hostile society, and what does it mean to be a hero where your only reward is most likely going to be injury, mutilation and/or death. she's even more interesting to me when you compare her journey/themes/decisions to her foils jaime and cersei, so there are lots of ways you can explore her character and find very cool meanings (also i've been the biggest braime shipper since i was 15, so that's a bonus!)

[mermaidsirennikita]

Contemporaries where dirty talk is especially hot? Both during sex and maybe also over text? Thank you!!

Sierra Simone, Sierra Simone, Sierra Simone. Her books are often set in a contemporary world, but they're not, as a heads up, "light" contemporaries. Personally, I wouldn't really go as far as to call them dark romance (well. Thornchapel, I would, but I also wouldn't recommend it as a contemporary as it has such strong supernatural elements lol) but they do have some elements of (light) mysticism as some of them are retellings of old myth set in a modern setting. I'd check out:

Priest, Sinner, Saint/"The Bell Brothers": These are three standalones (M/F, M/F, and M/M) that always have a bit of a religion kink. And a by a bit, I mean a lot. Priest is the book where a Catholic priest (who is actually very naturally carnal and only became a priest because of some deep guilt issues and religiosity) meets a woman who tells him ALL the shit she's done in confession. It's naturally dirty, and he naturally falls head over heels into an affair. Sinner is about a business whose best friend's little sister is about to become a nun, and she (on the advice of her convent, naturally) asks him to teach her about sex so she can experience what she'll miss before she really commits. Saint is about a guy who became a monk in a period of deep emotional crisis, whose ex-boyfriend (he left with zero notice) ends up on a tour of monasteries with him for an article he's writing. Temptation ensues.

The dirty talk in these is naturally very tinged with priest/nun kink stuff, it's SUPER dirty, and I love it. They're also just really good.

Her Christmas Notch books she does with Julie Murphy are a little tamer, both focus on this Hallmark-esque company where the leads film these Christmas movies and, of course, fall in love. I really, really love A Holly Jolly Ever After, because the hero is a former boybander (with a dad bod!) who fucks like a demon and also owns a chain of pizza shops, and his sex tape leaks, during which he's pictured absolutely RAILING a woman from behind, slapping her ass, and saying "and THAT'S how you toss the dough" which I personally think is some of the greatest dirty talk I've ever read.

New Camelot: One of my favorite trilogies of all time, MMF, "what if King Arthur was President, Guinevere was First Lady, and Lancelot was VP, and what if they were all in love with each other and entangled in an intense affair and IT WAS AMAZING". I reread scenes regularly. I love it so much. The dirty talk is obscene. You get the very cool "sit, stay, bark" dom dirty talk from one hero and the deranged "I'm going through it and you're going to go through it with me" passionate dirty talk from the other. Our heroine ain't half bad at it either.

Lyonesse Trilogy: The prequel novella and the first book are out now; it's a Tristan/Isolde/Mark MMF retelling. Mark is perhaps like... the dirtiest dirty talker Sierra has written. He's soooooo much. Like, if you want the condescending dom dirty talking hero, he's The One. The alternating between the "look how good you take it" stuff and "you're so desperate it's pathetic" shit. Why not both???

Act Your Age by Eve Dangerfield has a TON of dirty talk, usually in the DD/lg vein. The hero and heroine roleplay dirty stepdad fantasies a lot, and the way they talk to each other is OBSCENE lol. And I love it.

Minx by Sophie Lark has some amazing dirty talk in the pet play realm. The heroine is an escort paid by the hero, and he has her dress up in a catsuit, wear a caller, drink milk out of a bowl while he calls her Minxie and a good girl and shit lol. I was into it. Idk if you'll be into it. Iiiii was into it.

Sara Cate's Salacious Player Club books have good dirty talk. They're sex club books that kind of deconstruct a different kink in each book (pleasure dom/sub in the first one, voyeurism in the second, MMF/bi awakening in the third, and femdom in the fourth... I'd stop after the fourth) and naturally are filled with dirty talk. Eyes On Me (the second book) may especially work for you because the heroine is a cam girl.

Possession by Adriana Anders has a heroine in a PR marriage with her famous husband end up in a kink camp with him after a scandal, and they... explore a lot. Including consensual kidnapping, an MFM threesome, lots of dirty talk... It's a lot.

Preferential Treatment by Heather Guerre has a heroine who becomes her billionaire boss's domme, so naturally there is a LOT of femdom dirty talk. We LOVE to see it.

Heated Rivalry & The Long Game by Rachel Reid make up a duology of hockey romances about the same couple (m/m). What I like about this is that you follow the same couple over like, a decade, starting when they're like 18/19, and they build up...? Their dirty talk? Like in the beginning, their encounters are more awkward, and then by the end they're using sex toys and like mild bondage and really KNOW each other and what turns each other on. Including the talk.

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

3, 9, 10, and 49 for Grima?

Two Grima anons!! Because you all are amazing and know me and the way to my heart

3. Obscure headcanon

Honestly, I feel like I've talked enough about Grima that all my headcanons have been exhausted in the "Grima Thoughts" tag and the "Grima Wormtongue" tag more broadly on my tumblr.

I suppose one that I've never voice too much, and haven't played with (YET. GET READY.**) is that I headcanon him as distinctly Not Cis but he's very convoluted and vague about what that means. The whole seidr aspect I read onto him adds different layers to how you can interpret that, especially given some views that seidr-working might have been viewed as an alternative gender, or an additional aspect to gender, or something in that ballpark of being different from man and woman.

I just enjoy that, aside from Eowyn, he is one of the characters you can make the strongest argument for being Outside the Gender Norms of Their Respective Society. This makes me very pleased and happy.

Grima just wants to be queen. Let him be one!!

--

**this only applies to people reading What Makes a King

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

For the movies it was the tear-drop scene in TTT after Saruman sends the uruk-hai off to Helms Deep. So much regret and realization of the scope of the impact of his actions captured in a single emotional moment. And it's fleeting! But so well done. No words are needed. Just dawning horror and that stomach-dropping-out-from-your-body feeling of What The Fuck Have I Done - This Was Not How It Was Supposed To Go.

In the books it's 100% when Grima is sassing back at Treebeard. He is Peak Drowned Rat and a GIANT TREE is telling him: You need to go to Orthanc. It's voer there.

And Grima. Who has been on a horse for two days straight, riding through the night, and probbaly hasn't eaten in 48h, and is now stinking soaking wet becuase Treebeard dropped him in the muck and mire of the waters around Orthanc. That man. That man looks at the Giant Tree, the stuff of childhood legends in Rohan, and his instinctual reaction is to be the sassiest most lie-filled bitch on the planet.

What the fuck Grima.

Grima: Well, since you don't think I was here on behalf of Theoden which was My Quickly Thought Up Plan Because I DID NOT Expect This. I will now just be super sassy at you as my fall back. Seems reasonable.

Tree Beard: ????

Love that deranged bastard so much.

Grima: [sees a being way, way more powerful than him. Gandalf, Treebeard, whatever] What if I just said some sick burns and was a petty bitch for fifteen minutes??

Eomer: . .... ..,, , as a treat?

Grima: As a treat!!

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)

I loved his seduction scene in the film. That whole speech is masterfully rendered by Brad Dourif and Miranda Otto is also fantastic in that scene. Seeing her tempted, truly tempted, then pulling back like: nope, nope, nope, I can't. Grima's face when she leaves. Absolutely phenomenal.

I also love the "These Men Don't Know What Personal Space Is" scene with Eomer.

Nothing to see here. Move along everyone.

In the book, the best scene is everything in the Scouring of Shire. The wanting to take Frodo's offer of a helping hand. The desperation for that salvation from himself and the situation he is in - yet, he is so trapped in whatever it is he feels for Saruman. That quasi-enslaved state by the time we get to the end of ROTK. It's so fucked up and such a fantastic representation of the push/pull of abusive situations. I want out/I can't leave/I can see a future/I can't see a future. So well done.

(And I think Saruman-Grima dynamic is something Tolkien didn't know he had - at least in terms of the potential that is in it.)

While I have gone on before about Grima's death being a let-down in terms of thematic satisfaction, I do love, love, love that he gets to kill Saruman. He gets to put the knife in Saruman's back. That is so fantastic as a full circle of all the traitors betraying each other. ALSO, of course, Grima gets to kill the man who has spent the last eleven months torturing him for shits and giggles. We love to see it.

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

I think Grima is very afraid to look at a lot of things about himself. He cannot look into the mirror straight-on. All truths about himself have to be captured in peripheral vision - which is to say, only ever faintly brushed against.

I don't know what the darkest secret is that he can't admit to himself. I suspect, for him, it's several. He's done so much harm in his life, and he's been also denied so much too, and wants so much, and has broken so much - it's all a tangled mess.

I think for Grima, what drives a lot of his actions post-Helm's Deep is a two-fold sunk-cost fallacy (that's the thing he can't admit to himself - it's not all lost. He can and should walk away. "If it's shit, hit the bricks" was not something he ever learned) and the inability to be able to see a life outside of Saruman. A path away from Orthanc. (Granted, no one was being helpful in that regard until Frodo. Literally no one. Not in any meaningful capacity.)

24. Most annoying habit

Maybe stop stealing things from people?

Probably, though, the sycophancy. The whole "oh my lord" this and "a wise/brilliant thing you said my lord" that. Ugh. Miss me with the verbal dick-sucking there, Grima.

I get why he does it. I 100% understand. I still find it grating. This is something, I will say, that turns up in fanfics more than canon. I've written it, myself, because it works for his character! It's what he would do! It makes sense post-Saruman that he would be like this! If he wasn't it would be weird! But my god Grima, get a spine and a sense of self-worth!

(Grima: shall not.)

For proper canon things, we don't really see enough of him to have specific habits to pick on. Because frankly, I find his thieving delightful and funny, if not a little whimsical. In fact, he should do more. Steal more things! Steal more things!

(Grima: Shall!!! Right now!!)

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh

Scathing commentary on people he hates. This man is a gossip and a first-class professional Bitcher. He can bitch with the best of them. Hearing dirty things about people makes him so happy.

Also, I think he likes word play and clever jokes. Riddling games and the like, especially ones that are terribly, terribly clever are near-guaranteed to make him smile.

I don't know that he laughs all that much. I think he does that snort/exhale as a form of "laughing" but I don't think he does full on laughing. Save very rarely, and I think it's a shockingly warm sound for someone who is a walking glacier in many respects.

49. Favorite toy as a child

Oh gods. This is hands down the toughest question. If only becuase I have only ever envisioned Grima's childhood as fairly toyless. But he would have had toys - even in the bleakest versions he would have had toys.

I can see little Grima, as a four/five/six year old, being partial to a small, carved cow. He likes the gentle eyes and is familiar with cattle and they smell like home. I can see him also having a small wagon as a boy and he would go out to a small copse and pretend to be a runaway who has joined up with a band of robbers or highway men. In the wagon he'd pack food and water and such, also his bow and a small knife.

Practicing a quick get-away since he was eight.

----

Thank you both so much! <3 <3 <3 This got long but 0 regrets. Grima deserves it.

[red-riding-wood]

BAD SUMMARY WIP

Pick a bunch of your WIPs and summarize them as badly as possible, then ask your followers to vote on which one they'd be most likely to read. Multiple/all/none options are completely optional.

Most have not been written, winner will likely be written:

Tagged by @rysko <3

Putting my choices here 'cause I got word-capped SO HARD.

Two neighbours engage in frequent bickering through each other's shared wall when one has the TV up too loud and proceed to do this for weeks on end until they meet and uh oh, they realise they find each other hot. Only logical solution? Hate sex.

Woman's main goal in life is not going crazy. Works for an asylum. Falls in love with a deranged patient who quite obviously makes her worse. Proceeds to become worse, because, who needed sanity anyway??

Two idiots get stuck in movie-land AUs (that is definitely not stolen from an episode of Supernatural and totally not the author's way of rehashing a fanfic she wrote as a teen but having NO science to base this off of) and have to learn how to play their roles to pass each "test" but mostly care more about engaging in practical jokes and hiding their terribly obvious feelings from one another.

Man is super down bad for an actress and feels unworthy of her but proceeds to narrate everything in a super-cynical, holier-than-though way. The hook: will he touch grass?

Oh look, it's another story about unhealthy obsession. This time, it's the woman who's down bad, and her psychiatrist decides to solve her love obsession by giving her a new one in a definitely completely professional manner.

Two scientists are shocked to find out that being launched into space can have lethal consequences, but, that won't stop them from using up the last bit of oxygen to fuck.

I feel like it is... overtly obvious which characters I am writing for in these, lol. Except for maybe 1 because I have two characters in mind I could use.

No pressure tagging @zablife @peakyswritings @kiss-me-cill-me @shelbydelrey @birminghamshelbyboys @mrkdvidal1989 @red-write-hand @cillmequick @aurorag98 @ilovefictionalpsychopaths @birminghamshelbyboys @red-write-hand @your-nanas-house @youbyradiohead @brummiereader and anyone else who wants to do this!