#THIS IS SO WONDERFULLY WRITTEN IM OBSESSED WITH THIS

[starryluminary]

This is my poem called “Kiss”:

Kiss:

“It’s just a scene,” I said when I stepped onto the scene

Our roles are ready to play

Even though my director was kind of mean

I feel confident today.

As we begin the scene, both of our eyes meet each other

It was a kiss scene, wasn’t much of a bother

But when we slammed our lips together, our words collided

I wanted to do it again, it made me quite excited

Not because I was in love, that was not the case

But I felt safe with him

As he wrapped his arms around my waist

“It’s just a scene they say”

“It’s just a role”

Now when I go to kiss him for the scene replay

My mind loses control.

What’s wrong with you Noah?

Focus on your part

I should’ve ignored these feelings

I should’ve ignored them from the start.

It’s too late to go back though

I wonder how he feels

When we hug each other for the scene

We both know that it’s not real

.

.

But my feelings are real

I can’t deny

I love him, I love him!

If we part then I might die!

I wonder if he knows my true feelings

Or is just completely oblivious

I mean my feelings aren’t discrete

So it should be obvious

.

.

. 

.

As we walk on the red carpet

To watch our progress

He pulled me aside

And told me that his inquiry could not rest.

He asks me on a date

Of course, I approved

Then he kissed me again.

For real this time too.

THE BOLDED LINES ARE MY QUOTE~

[goopcatz]

Living with Shige (Teru special!!!)

Teru has a complicated relationship with his mom, as one does, confusing feelings, he wants to be protected but he doesn't want to leave with her, he wants someone to take care of him but he doesn't remember what its like to be taken care by other people

He is trying his best to not let Mrs Kageyama know anything, he is saying as much information as to explain but as little as to not say anything that would get him in trouble

Things that didn't make the cut: Teru has a step dad, he has no idea abt his dad's whereabouts

Fics that inspired this one!!!

Shots by Phia: this one made me CRY its so well written and it has permanently changed how i see teruki hanazawa, the way I cried in the middle of the night when I had work the next day is not something im proud of, but also not something im ashamed about

A Pair of Parents (or lackthereof) by @toastytoaster22 (BECAUSE WHEN DO I NOT sorry toasty i keep tagging you on things): WHEN I TELL YOU omg holy sheet this and many of toasty's works are the reasons why i am obsessed with Mrs Kageyama, she is an intriguing character for me and the way Toasty gives her depht makes me just *throws myself to the floor* oh lord

MOM by @tsukish11ma : I dont have enough words to describe the appreciation and respect I have for this series, do you ever see someone you know in a fanfiction the way i see people i know in the way Teru's mom is depicted on the MOM series, for better or for worse, this fic made me empathize with a lot of people in my life and sometimes i lay awake at night thinking abt how Mother will end lmao

If you like my work with Living with Shige I HIGHLY encourage reading through all these wonderfully written works, show them all your love!!!

Sorry for tagging everyone aaaa

[rat-studio]

Soooooo... I read semi-charmed kinda life again... in the span of like four days. Absolutely recommend this fic to everyone, it is so gorgeous and well written and it is such a pleasure to read, absolute props to @griddlebait for understanding griddlehark so well and writing them so wonderfully. (also I love nona so so so much in the fic please know that) (and pyrrha!! and pal in his shawl!! i love these girls!!)

Is my attempt at a comic kinda jank? Yeah. Do I adore this scene and did I spend 12 hours on trying to draw it? Yeah. So BE NICE I WILL CRY.

I will be back with something that is probably much better sometime soon— I have an unexplained amount of creative energy right now and if I don’t ride this wave I fear it will drown me

Less jank doodles and (1) timelapse under cut!

I am shamelessly playing around with my style-- might do a full actual good drawing of harrow and corona because I am obsessed with their dysfunctional relationship (edit: i drew it i drew it i drew it)

GOD PLEASE CLICK FOR QUALITY-- I really enjoy this one :), it was fun to play around with colors and shit

Please notice Gideon's time period accurate weezer shirt, and the green day shirt in the comic that is represented by blobs of color because I didn't feel like actually drawing it

tumblr hellsite will only let me do one video, if anyone wants the other ones I'll post the others separately-- but im pretty sure no one actually watches them. This one is just the most satisfying to watch!

[tae-rhymeswithslay]

TMNT: COLOR CODED Casey Jones

colorcoded au by @camilieroart

im so sorry, it doesn��t really look like him, but I tried 😭. I chose a skating pose, but it took me wayy too long to realize that none of the official drawings of Casey have him in skates, so i just followed those. I also tried to combine his normal clothes with his battle outfit bc i just couldn’t decide which one to draw him in

I literally have SO much to say about this Casey! this little rant is probably gonna go on for way too long lol (feel free not to read)

props to @camilieroart for writing this amazing au bc ive been obsessed ever since i saw it in passing on instagram.

Casey has always been my favorite tmnt character. Ever. Hands down. There was something about him that I just adored. As a kid and even now. That being said, finding a version of Casey that was so much like me was like an early Christmas. I was already sucked in to the AU since like, last year when I found it for the first time. But I only recently read through Casey’s backstory and found out that he was korean, which only made me double down on how much I loved his character in Colorcoded.

(I really hope this next part doesn’t come off as narcissistic, its really just me full of admiration for this character and AU)

It was incredible to see a version of my favorite character like EVER (not even joking) that looked a lot like me and came from a background a lot like mine. Beyond just his skin tone being dark and matching mine (which I think I commented about already) this Casey seriously feels like looking into a mirror of myself from a few years ago. Both visually and mentally. It’s refreshing to see Korean characters that aren’t reduced to the asian standards of beauty, but still look like their ethnicity, because we absolutely DO exist. From my darker skin color to even my wide nose shape which I share with this Casey, I was told constantly as a kid (by other koreans mind you) that I didn’t ‘look korean enough’. So it’s nice to see those features that made me so insecure growing up presented in someone I admired during that same period of time. Even Casey’s hair looks so much like the cut I had/was forced to get (lol) growing up, down to the M shaped bangs. Though I wasn’t allowed to grow out my hair like Casey has in the back, it was something I always wanted to do as a kid. I even got into ice skating BECAUSE of Casey, like, I adore him so so much.

Though I’m lucky enough to have a family much healthier than Casey’s, I still found myself relating a lot to him in terms of his Korean-American identity. Growing up, my parents wanted me to learn as much English as possible as opposed to Korean, but they switched mindsets when it came to my younger sister (Yeah! i’ve also got a younger sister too, and by just EXTREME coincidence, she also has a similar sounding name Hae-in 해인) so she speaks a lot more Korean than I do. I still struggle a little bit when speaking conversational Korean, even though it’s technically my ‘first’ language lol. My family even calls me by my english name and my sister by her Korean name. I’m not sharing my legal name online, but i’ve got the same deal as Casey where I’ve got an English legal name, but also an unofficial korean name which was REALLY surprising to read, because literally none of my korean friends have the same name situation. Beyond little nit-picky things (that don’t even count as mistakes, really) in his conversations with his sister, you got the Korean conversations down really well (like, the cadence and grammar and stuff, idk how to explain it, but it really sounds like a conversation i might’ve had with my little cousins, just translated)

TLDR: i absolutely ADORE this Casey and I see just SO much of myself in him. He is wonderfully written as a character and you nailed his korean-american identity to a T (according to me and my personal experiences at least)

SORRY FOR THE RANT

:)

[bitethedevil]

Hello again! I was reading your Raphael and Love post and I just LOVE your thoughts and characterization of him. It's so enthralling. The way he needs to be in control stuck out to me too. But I was curious what your thoughts would be if he were not the most powerful one in a relationship? I ask because I want to write a fic where Raphael gets himself inadvertently entangled in the obsessions of an Elder god, but Im having difficulty characterizing him in my head. You characterize Raphael WONDERFULLY, and I would love your opinion on how he would handle being on the other end of the stick, as it were. How does he handle not being in control? I hope you have a good day~!

Thank you so much <3

I’ve written some fanfiction where he’s paired with someone who is pretty much equal in power to him before. My take on it is that he would still believe that he’s in control/better, even though that might not be the truth, and that would be enough for him.

He’s navigated the Hells where he is very much a small fish, and he’s done it very successfully for a cambion. He knows when to shut his mouth and be smart about things. He also knows when he’s overpowered, but he will still deep down believe that he is better and smarter, and that he is in total control of the situation.

When it comes to losing control and being at the point where he is aware that he is doing so, I think it would freak him tf out. You see it with his nightmare (Raphael’s Diary: Chapter 2). It’s not the tadpoled who scared him in that dream. What scares him is being wrong, losing control, us not needing him anymore and most of all failing. Note the last lines:

“In waking, my courage has firmed. I progress my plans for the tadpoled even now. I am Raphael. I am not easily bested.”

He is stubborn and he is cocky AF, but actually failing and losing control is a big fear of his. Another example where we see it is in the God Gale ending where he’s almost a bit childish sounding with his “You can’t do this” or whatever he says when Gale essentially tells him to go fuck himself. He’s constantly scheming and being careful. He is not used to losing.

(Thank you so much for the ask and best of luck with the fic! <3)

[theeio]

What got you into livio? Was it fic, art, another friend, or did you just see him and go: “wowza.”

HI IM BLOWING A KISS TO U CHRIS

there are…. SEVERAL factors to why i fixated on livio so here it is. ive written this elsewhere before but HERE IT IS AND HERE IT GOES:

Livio was a pivotal character in my absolute favourite episodes in Tristamp. Episodes 5-7 is one of the most breathtaking things I’ve seen in anime in a while. It’s not often you see such *strong* visual storytelling and show not tell in an anime, the BEAUTIFUL score and sound design, and seeing the tragedy of the blessing children, with the wonderfully done 2d animation, having one of the best action sequences in the season (Vash vs Livio), and how meaningful every moment was and how it aids in seeing the character’s motivations (especially Wolfwood). I could go on.

The found family between Livio and Wolfwood got to me. YES I KNOW. IM PREDICTABLE. Their moments, both in their backstory and when Wolfwood wakes him up...was so warm and tender it was unbelievable. How gentle they were as children, vs how the Eye of Michael made them to be now. Man that hurt. Also the bit in their childhood friendship montage including bonding by trying to smoke worm legs was INCREDIBLY FUNNY

And on that note. I think part of why love Livio is also because episode 7 was one of the FUNNIEST viewing experiences of anything in my LIFE. So story time I was watching this show for the first time with my older sister and mom, and when Vash was telling Wolfwood that in order to save Livio he needed to Make him remember (“There has to be something he cant forget") I joked offhandedly "lol wolfwood revives livio with weed" and then??? half a minute later THEY ACTUALLY WENT THERE?2?1?1?1?11?1?11?? WOLFWOOD ACTUALLY LEGITIMATELY REVIVED LIVIO WITH THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP AND WEED AND WE WERE LOSING OUR SHITS AND SCREAMINGGGG and then right after that Livio [REDACTED]s and then we were like

4. DVDJDBDJDJDKDJDKDFHKDDK but anyway yeah like, conceptually the episodes Livio in was RIDICULOUS but bro. I am UTTERLYYY OBSESSED with how they Made made it work???? So well??? Somehow those were the moments hit hardest emotionally for me. It was so, SO good.

5. Also Tristamp Livio relatable to me on an insanely specific level….like can’t move on from the best friend you made before you were 12 who had to leave from life circumstances, whose name also starts with “Nico” specific? Yeah me too Livio

6. And finally just. Knowing that Livio has SO MUCH MORE going for him in the source material? I haven’t read the manga yet but I’m so unbelievably excited to see more of this character, be it in Trimax or the next season of Tristamp. I love him and Razlo’s design and he intrigues me greatly from what I’ve seen and heard from manga readers. I’m vibrating at the idea of seeing him rigged up and animated in his full buff cowboy glory

OKAY IM DONE HDDJJDDJDJDK THIS GOT TOO LONG AND SILLY DHSKSHSKS have a livio scribble as a thanks🥰BYE

[beenbaanbuun]

heyy i've been reading your atz work for a good amount of time now and i've got to say im absolutely OBSESSED with your writing. Especially with the addams matz universe so much to the point that i dreamt of them last night 💀 (im going insane help but i love it). Also i love how you update us with your daily life. Like after a tiring day im gonna be like "did bun post today? i hope she did" like i honestly love the crackhead energy you give off and im all for it. Anyways, tysm for blessing us with your amazing writing!! It is truly a blessing to be born in the same era as you and read your wonderfully written work. I hope you're being kind to yourself and taking care<3

AGSJDGAHSGAHSGA THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! THIS ACTUALLY MEANS THE WORLD YO ME IM GOING TO SOB 😭😭😭

i’m glad to see i’m not the only person who’s brain has been completely taken over by addams!matz (i’m literally making their house in sims right this second…). cant believe i’m infecting other with my delusions as well 😭😭 at least i know i don’t have to suffer through this alone!!!

also i love updating people with how my life is going. idk why, it just makes me feel like i’m connecting with my followers more and i like that!!

thank you for all your love and appreciation 🫶🫶🫶

[summercourtship]

hi! this is probably really random but i just finished reading stay to burn (only to drown instead) and i just... have so much to say. its been two days since i found this and i finished it in the past two nights, staying up till 8 am and reading it with the biggest smile on my face. ive been unbelievably invested. and the first thing i want to mention is the way you wrote jonathan crane.. being an avid nolanverse crane fan (because cillian murphy is papa) i rarely see any fics about him which had me so heartbroken, until i came across this while seeking out battinson fics. and it completely changed my life. i believe no one can write him the way you do, the completely chilling, toxic, manupulative, obsessive, possessive, insane way you wrote him was so unbelievably realistic. i know ill sound a little dramatic but i genuinely have tears in my eyes just writing this review because that whole 16 chaptered masterpiece means so much to me. you have changed my life for the better in a way, i know this is dramatic but im so serious. ive been so happy just reading this (does that sound insane) because you write him so so insanely beautifully, that i am kind of sad because i dont think any other way hes written will ever live up to it. the way you portrayed battinson and edward also had me hooked. it was so brilliant, the relationships were so wonderfully crafted. and the smut was INCREDIBLE. everytime there was a chilling scene with crane i would go back and reread it over and over again. (may i add, the little spit kink and slap part blew me away. thank you for that) especially really loved him being a psychology professor. and scarily dominant and so eerily calm. your writing brought back my love for him, made me want to rewatch his scenes over and over again so i could fantasize about him instead of doing homework or something. the last part about his fear toxin sticking with you, a part of him instilled within the reader, the way he said she belonged to him— how calmly he challenges her, tries to gain control over her life, a mix of tropes that are my absolute favourites strung together in your brilliant work. i wish i could read it for the first time again, i wish there were 10 more parts of it. i started the fic because im obsessed with battinson, but i immediately got invested into crane and reader's toxic relationship which was so beautifully written. and even though its unhealthy it made me crave something like it. (can you tell i have father issues) im so so sorry for writing so much but i just finished the fic and its almost 5 am here and i had to send in my appreciation. every single part about the fic was perfect— the way you wrote bruce, and edward had me fucking terrified but it was so good. another thing i adored was the way you portrayed reader— i could reflect myself in her. i could feel like i was there. the settings, the themes, the way you portrayed arkham— everything was wonderfully crafted. im kinda running out of adjectives omg because im just.. i just loved it so so so much. thank you for writing this. and especially for altering my brain chemistry forever with how you wrote crane. especially the fear aspects. everything. literally everything. he's perfect.

and i beg you, if you ever plan to write for him again, i cant wait to read it. im begging you to please do it. no pressure, of course. im just kind of upset because i feel like any other jonathan fic i read will seem pale because i would keep comparing it to your way of writing him. you're amazing. your writing is everything and i hope you never stop. i just want you to know that you will forever have an avid, enthusiastic reader no matter what. thank you so much. 🎀

(oh my god i went off the rails here... my bad.)

first off: i love getting long messages, never apologize!!

secondly: thank you so much!! I'm honored that this fic means so much to you, it was really a labor of love and I'm so happy that people are still reading it and connecting with it even though it's been a few months since it was completed! I get having a fic kinda change your life- I have a few of those myself! Stories are stories and even if the medium seems lame, they can and will change you if you let it.

The lack of nolan!verse Crane fics was what really inspired me to start working on STBOTDI- I wanted a nice long fic and couldn't find any, which is a true shame! Jonathan was really fun to write, because he's essentially a walking red flag that the reader willing ignores bc she's horny curious.

Not many people have talked about their last conversation in Arkham but I really liked it! I think it is a conversation where they are at their most honest with one another. (Also the bit about the fear toxin lasting in her is kinda hot ngl.)

ALSO I am so happy you connected with the reader! It's always a gamble with reader characters to make them have agency and a personality while hopefully still being somewhat relatable for the actual reader.

I have plans for a multi-fic sequel!! I don't know how much of each relationship will actually be in it, but all of the characters will be there and will be vying for the reader's attention/control over her again. I'm still in the early planning stages of that but I'm hoping to really get it going sometime early next year.

<3

[hareofhrair]

Just binge-read all of your What Remains of Edith Finch posts and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

Ooooooh my god, the analysis is SO GOOD.

Like, I love this game. I've played it and replayed it multiple times and it's always fascinated me - the fantastical stories, the why the story itself - Edith's - is told, the architecture, the frankly BIZARRE tragic deaths - especially with the haunting sense of melancholy and inexplicable shift "Oh, but nevermind that book I was reading while we're on this Quest for Truth, haha - definitely don't come here, son", only to finish the game and look up and feel a dawning sense of horror - like tendrils creeping up the spine - to realize, haha, we did come here, mother. fuck.

ANYWAY, wanted to say thank you for the (very) well-written analysis (and wonderfully engaging writing style) and the effort you have CLEARLY put into this all.

❤️

Thank you so much!! I’m really pleased to see such a good response to it so far. I couldn’t find anyone talking about the legitimate horror elements of the story when I finished playing (who wasn’t also claiming Edie was a serial killer 🙄) and it was driving me CRAZY.

I’m not even close to done and I have some pretty significant stuff still to cover, but I got busy with community theater and haven’t had time to work on it recently. Rest assured once the show im in wraps I will be going back to the Finch house, im flipping obsessed.

I’m even hoping to make it a proper video essay once I’m done, maybe!

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

what are your feelings about sukuna... would you have something to say...

VERY INTERESTING QUESTION ANON 👀👀 … i do have some feelings abt sukuna…..

the thing is. to me he just has this allure…….. that very specific villain allure that just makes me want to meowmeowify him. i want to make him blush. is it delusional? yes entirely but idc hes soooo kittycat to me. i love him. i think he’s so funny and cute. like genuinely i cant see him as scary anymore have u seen this:

HES SOO CUTE OKAY.

but just in general !!! i think sukuna is so wonderfully written <333 the more recent chapters w gojo and kashimo made me appreciate his character a lot!! love & loneliness have always been huge themes in jjk and sukuna twists them in a really interesting way. his loneliness basically is his love — people come to him and try to break it by killing him, but he kills them instead. and sukuna himself says that it’s love.

and that’s such a perfect contrast to gojo, too, because gojo’s capacity for love is the most human thing abt him + his greatest weakness, while sukuna’s capacity for love is the most inhuman thing abt him + his greatest strenght. he thrives off his isolation, and from it stems his love. or what he views as love. idk but i like it im obsessed its right up my alley !!

just general takes aside tho im assuming that we’re all specifically asking for sukuna x reader thoughts here and anon… i do. have a fic planned. almost finished. it might disappont u though bc its a no curses au, sukuna is ooc as hell and its PURE fluff. i just turned him into a malewife. thats all 😭😭 literally just sukuna cooking for his silly little reader. put that man in a kitchen i think it would fix him (it would make him worse)

aaa but honestly !! sukuna is a character that i find rlly hard to imagine in any kind of romantic context excluding no curses aus (or any kind of au where he isnt. the way he is LMAO) but !!! i would love to have my mind opened so if u have any sukuna thoughts anon…. 👀👀 i would love to hear them!!

[steelycunt]

oh what a joy! i just realized you posted a new fic and it was literally so so wonderful as per usual! loved every minute of it and their cute little hand touches and their wonderfully written dialogue (like wow your dialogue is such a joy to read) anyways i'm obsessed with the stuffy old bookshop and sirius's red shorts (!) and the sea glass in remus's window, nobody writes those two like you do!!

thank you so much im glad you liked it!! it was a lot of fun and a bit challenging to do something a bit different from what id usually do but it was a great excuse to put in a load of little details and such ive wanted a reason to use..

[autisticempathydaemon]

hey hey! idk if this is where I submit for the match up! but I would love to see who you think I'd fit in with! I'm a creative soul who tends to try to develop deep friendships with people above everything. I have a bit of a savior complex as well lol I work hard and play harder, trying to find new adventures to go on with those i care about. I tend to support others before supporting myself, and while im happy to let others open up to me its hard for me to open up in return. the best way i can feel close to someone is deep conversations and being creative with them!

My current fav song has been Maybe IDK by John Bellion, specifically the lyric "i guess if i knew tomorrow i guess i wouldnt need faith"  just the idea of living today to the best you can just because you don't know what will happen tomorrow. the worries of the future should keep you down today

My current fav Redacted audio has to be the Helping your Werewolf bf shift again. Specifically the acting is just so good to me. Erik did an amazing job of portraying Milo's anguish and pain at not being able to shift. Plus the relieved sobs at the end is so satisfying and emotional.��

The one boy i cant get the hype around is Ivan. like sure the yandere thing is somewhat attractive to some, but i just don't like the idea of an actual psychopath being obsessed with me.

my favorite movie is definitely the Secret Life of Walter Mitty by Ben Stiller. its less of a quotable movie and more of i remember every scene very distinctly. its a movie that envelops my own escapism. its beautifully shot, wonderfully acted, and a wholesome story on a rainy day.

my platonic redacted crush has to be Damien. he seems like a blast to interact with and tease. he's a hard worker and is tied close to his goals which i can admire. i would love to body double with him if i had some tasks to get done

space is also 100% my ramble subject when im sleepy, that and greek mythology

My guilty pleasure media is currently the animated shows Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Lego Monkie Kid. despite being kids shows, both of these are beautifully animated and shockingly well written!

I hope that gives you an idea of me! I look forward to who you think i match with!

Hmm, lots of good tidbits of information to consider. You strike me as really thoughtful, really caring, and I think Lasko could really benefit from a partner like that.

A savior complex, from what I understand, is just wanting to help people and make their lives better, and Lasko’s a guidance counselor, so y’all would have that in common. What’s good about pairing two people like that is y’all could keep each other in line, so to speak. Something that’s important when you’re always looking out for other people is to make sure someone is always looking out for you and vice versa. You and Lasko together would always make sure you’re taking care of others, each other, and yourselves.

Another reason I like the two of you together is that you like being creative with one another as a bonding activity. You know what’s the ultimate way to be creative together? Tabletop role playing games! If you don’t already play, Lasko would be so excited to help you with a character sheet, to help you craft a backstory, paint some mini figurines, go out and buy the perfect game dice and notebooks- the greatest combination of nerdy and cute in a couple.

Song:

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go/ Will you won't you, be the one I always know?/ When I'm losing my control, the city spins around/ You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

One, the whole vibe of “you slow me down, I’ll look after you, we’re here for each other” vibes are exactly what I’m picturing for y’all. Also, Lasko and I are around the same age, and I heard this song a lot growing up. I have some weird, like, emotional resonance with it from childhood, and I think Lasko does too. Like, it makes him nostalgic and longing; maybe he always wanted someone to look after and to look after him, and now he’s finally found that in you.

Runner-Ups:

A very reasonable runner-up for you would be Camelopardalis because he would do a great job making sure you balance work and your personal life and that you don’t put others before yourself too much. A more fun runner-up would be Guy because I love sticking that beautiful Creative Writing major with other beautiful, creative people!

note: thank you for waiting, dear, and I hope you like your match-up! 💕

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[metallteeff]

i’m going to gush about this book under the cut because it might be my favorite book ever

i’m not going to say bpd is perfectly correlated with the idea of a mirror or that everyone with bpd has an obsession with The Mirror or mirror imagery because i feel people would take that the wrong way and understand it as vanity but this book is not only a mirror to me but also perfectly explains this idea of The Mirror through her what she’s experienced and having little or no identity. The idea of forcing yourself to paint an image on a mirror instead of just wearing your clothes. i’m using more prose than review but this books has made so much easier for me to understand how much of my thought process is powered by my bpd, and usually this would be one of the most earth shattering things, because that idea that bpd has so much control over me makes me feel like a dissected bug something disgusting and vulnerable but this book says that exactly before i can even finish the thought. it repeats thoughts u had yesterday from a book written years before i had it. it presents every thought i’ve had or tried to push down right in front of me on a published page.

bpd for me makes it so hard to connect because of this imaginary game of social connection you start to make up in your head. you’re trying to play chess with checkers and you don’t even know how either game works. the author lisa johnson lays out exactly the web of her life and connections and her idea of tactics that play out seemingly without her executive decision. these things just happen because she wants them to so she acts on them. this is the only way something can happen when you’re thinking through the way bpd works. you’re forced down a cattle canal with a nail gun at the end. it’s a one track mind sent down a labyrinth of choices and you’re poorly equipped for strategy.

not only that but the dissection of the facade(s) that come with having bpd is also wonderfully done (and how could it not be when told by someone with bpd). so often are facades presented as two layers: something to lure and something to trap. something delicious that leads to torture. with this people think those with bpd only aim to do these things, that we are oriented around the goal of destruction and only get to know people to slowly close our jaw over them. i think then too many people with bpd add this idea and belief as another layer onto our made up game of charades and chess. if you know i have this then you won’t love me anymore, that’s when ill have to flare or fringe and quills. i’ll have to do this to show you you’re right and wrong, that im awful and scared. that i am a defense mechanism as a whole. the book starts with this presentation too, making the read feel as though you’re following and outsiders path in. it begins with repeating talk of celebrities and house fires and the fascinations with public meltdowns. the connection you have to public figures pushed to their limit and lashing out and arguing tabloids reports like that’s a person in itself. this follows up with an incredibly clinical chapter, and if we treat this book in itself as a person (as its later described as) it feels distinctly placed there to make up for the gossip of the last chapter. this continues on as we get deeper and more personal with the authors life and the back and forth becomes clear this is the every day change and adjustment with bpd.

i’ve never read a book that feels like i am just reading my own diary with different names, jobs, and places. she discusses how her art and writing seems to teeter on being a favorite person itself, how when you have no identity it’s not just “hard to maintain a relationship” it’s utterly impossible to understand what attraction is. how aversion to comfort is more plausible but wonders why nothing you choose is comfortable. how analytical you have to be with bpd, weighing pros and cons, which without explanation seems as cold and callous “strategy” to anyone without it (though it’s just so you make the “better decision” in the end). this book is catharsis for every article that focuses on the bpd’s loved ones pain rather than that affected by the disorder. for every time you ask “what about me?” through gritted teeth and green eyes this book shares that deep inside grinding pain saying “i know”. it’s such a wonderful book that i really genuinely do start to get light headed reading this.

it’s a hard read, not in terms of content or a sudden wave of self loathing, but because it starts to destroy the wall or hole many with bpd have surrounding loneliness. “there is no one like me” is destroyed when you read lisa johnson describe your life in fine detail in the exact code words you always use so no one will know what is actually going on inside. when you cuts in clippings from artists, psychological studies, and pop culture i see my art fold out in front of me too, trying to make this same exact message. when this feeling of utter god awful loneliness starts to be dismantled by her words you see piece by piece what yours is actually made up of, where it came from, and how to discard it. there are people like you, but we all are so utterly terrified of being turned inside out we don’t just build a barrier, we incase ourselves in resin to sit and wait and be chipped out. consider this book the hammer and chisel.

i recommend this book to absolutely anyone. if you have bpd you will find some solace in it in certain, i’ve found it in every page down to every paragraph. if you love someone or even know someone with bpd i really encourage you to read it. it’s not just a bullet point list of things that ppl with bpd do or feel like, it is drenched in what having it is like. the formatting and text is sporadic with lines that imitate self harm inflictions littering breaks between paragraphs at random. words get bolded and each word of sentences are broken up by periods. italics shrink to the bottom of the page and font changes mid paragraph when floundering to keep up an appearance. it’s an insightful book because reading it you experience these episodes along with them happening. it leads you on a simulation of how out of control thus disorder is and feels. if you’re struggling to understand your loved one or yourself this book lays it out down to having a readers guide with questions to answer in the back.

it’s been an incredibly beautiful experience to read through this and see oddities i thought were disgusting exist in another human being as it’s always easier to understand and be kind to another’s pain than your own. reaaaaaad it.

[whentommymetalfie]

Okay Im going on a rant and I cant stop myself, because I gotta tell you - your beautiful writing and also your incredible artwork are so absolutely mind blowing, they've completely stolen my heart! I love how your work keeps the ship alive, and also how it brings us Tommy x Alfie fans together ❤️

I was just wondering, what was the moment watching Peaky that made you decide to start writing about our two favourite lovable disasters?

I got the notification on this message at work today and let me tell you it made my day about 120% better ❤️ Firstly let me tell you that your content is truly ✨perfection✨ and thank you for your contribution to this ship! And thank you so much for your incredibly kind words. I don't even know what to say. But please know that messages like this reminds me why I'm still here on this hell site (affectionate)

Oh and this moment... ah I remember it as if it were yesterday (and not like... five years ago. Oh god.) Sit down and I shall tell you the tale, in the wordiest, least coherent way.

Well, I saw that first scene with Tommy and Alfie in the bakery and the rest is history. What can I even say? The chemistry. The banter. The looks. The death threats. The Tension(TM)... I can't even be eloquent about it. I just knew. Those are my blorbos. My true loves. My boys. Idiots in love. Icons. (and later also: Margate husbands. Retired gangsters shooting seagulls and bickering on the beach. Giving each other comfort in this cold and cruel world) They were meant to be. And I went, of course, as one does when obsessed, to ao3. I was at least a year or two (maybe even three) late to peaky blinders, but only found roughly 50 fics. They were all wonderfully fics, but 50 fics is not enough fics to sustain someone. And Tumblr was mostly empty, except reader fics. So, I decided to make the content I wanted to see in the world and well things sort of snowballed from there. Now here I am, years later, and still just as in love with this ship. Truly, they are, my OTP. And I'm so happy to be able to read so many skillfully written fics, and see the beautiful art, and other content created about them.

This turned into a very wordy and nostalgic ramble, but I get very emotional thinking about them so you'll have to excuse me

And thank you again ❤️

[awesomehoggirl]

8 and 11

8. top 3 fav films? books?

this is so so cruel i have a billion favs forever. im not a filmgirl so ill do books, RIGHT NOW my favs are

people from my neighbourhood by hiromi kawakami - my forever fav. how i want to write. tiny surreal stories from a japanese village as told by a little girl

modern ranch living by mark poirier - eccentric characters living in arizona. such a funny book i read it while i was at a festival over the summer and quite literally could NOT put it down i sat in our fucking tent and read this book instead of going out and partying. most underrated book ever, kendra is one of my all time fav characters & 'plussing as which' has entered my vocabulary forever

a rare non fiction shout but uncommon people by david hepworth. a really cool chronology of the phenomena of rockstardom written by someone who was there. obsessed, ive reread it twice and recommended it to everyone, it is so wonderfully written. genius book with some great insight on music/pop culture history

11. which character archetype is your favourite?

i love characters who try to be good people most of all. i love the best friend. i love characters who are witty and deeply intelligent but are overlooked or come across as shallow. and i love all perky goths forever

[beebazooka]

guidelines——

i write x reader for headcannons, fics, and whatever someone requests me to do ASLONG AS IT FOLLOWS THESE GUIDELINES;

(requests/ new posts will take a bit, I try to work as quick as possible and I’m pretty much on tumblr everyday but yk)

FANDOMS I WRITE FOR: mouthwashing(im in so many fandoms but washing my mouth is an obsession nothing can compare to💀)

IM A-OKAY WITH WRITING THE FOLLOWING;

fluff ofc

angst - every now and then

AUs - i never stop yapping abt diff possibilities, and ngl it’s kinda hard to write reader x things with no au, did you spawn out of nowhere or something bro??

smut - screaming, crying, shitting, pissing (ok gen I would love detailed requests on this bc all the smut I write is so repetitive, GIVE ME IDEAS😭)

I use mostly gn pronouns and descriptions but for requests you can tell me to write whatever idc

Daisuke, Anya, Curly(pre crash + post crash but post crash will prob be limited to fluff), and Swansea - this is an old man safe space!!!!

mostly daisuke tho ngl

NAHHHHH:

genuinely upsetting content - ik mw has heavy themes but im NOT writing abt extremely detailed gore/assault/rape.👍

Highly specific kinks - IF YOU HAVE TO THINK ABT IF ITS ‘TOO WEIRD’ DONT SEND THE REQUEST BRO

junglejim - i do not enjoy writing him even if it’s before he did all the shit, I KNOW he’s a fictional character but at the end of the day he’s a wonderfully written horrible character and I will not be writing romantic/sexual themed things abt him.

ANYWAY, FEEL FREE TO SEND REQUESTS!(below will change depending on if I can take requests or not😈)

Requests: Open!!!