#THEY MAKE ME SO SAD. THEY MAKE ME SOOOOO FUCKING SAD
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brief break from the lord eclipse posting for some nice eclipse posting:
I rediscovered this song “you smell of dead flowers” and the last few lines immediately reminded of solar and his sun and I just grgrhergraragh!!!!!
“You smell of dead flowers / I smell of the sewer I rot in” has the vibe of solar thinking back on his sun, who maybe once had a sweet scent to him but the memory has since been tarnished and twisted with grief that dead flowers are the only thing that come to mind. that, paired with the next line, gives the impression that he puts himself below his sun; that he is something that rots and pollutes(“because if I wasn’t, my sun wouldn’t be dead, right?”).
The next lines hammer that in some more, with “I’m ashamed of all I am now / and all I am now / is painful” really cementing the vibe of his low self worth and I just. I just!!! Idk!!! It makes me terribly emotional to think of their dynamic and how solar could harbor a lot of grief, regret, and self hatred because of what he “did” to his sun and i’m just. ueueueue,,,,,
#xero says things#xero thoughts and rambles#angst#THEY MAKE ME SO SAD. THEY MAKE ME SOOOOO FUCKING SAD#I don’t think about them /that/ often but when I do I feel my bawling my eyes out everywhere forever (like now)#his passive suicidal behavior could b linked 2 a lot of that grief for his sun too……#do you think he looks in the mirror sometimes and thinks it should have been him who ‘died’ in the transfer?#do you think he looks at our sun and has this idea that he can make up for lost time-#-but also is too afraid to get close because what if he does it again?#what if his existence harms another lovely person who doesn’t deserve that?#what if that’s how he feels about lunar too?#what if he is just the saddest guy ever :(#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#tsams#sams solar#solar sams#nice eclipse sams#sams nice eclipse#solar
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the song of humanity will continue to be sung
#vash the stampede#trigun#trigun stampede#he means so much to me he means sooooo much i love him so much asfuahghdsgnkdsgk#VASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#i posted it on twit but i was REALLY dreading ep 11 bc i figured that vash might cry#but instead he screamt into agony in which i cant even rewatch the episode#bc the va did such a good fucking job in conveying that terror and grief and guilt and it fucks me up so bad#vash makes me sad in EVERY adaption but stampede is like#we've only seen him be kind. he's just nice. he's serious and he's nice and he's kind. he treats everyone with so much delicateness and care#and the only time he raises his voice is for the protection of others and warning them#and now he's rung the wranger and i now have a hammer to knives' side#not even trying to be dramatic its just been awhile since a character has mattered to me in this kind of way#ruporas art
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so i started this show and it just gets worse and worseeeee not only did it lift the romance subplot directly from twilight (and not well) but they also are trying to play the forbidden love angle hard in the fantasy racism vein except it's a "cross-species" relationship between the two whitest people i've ever seen in my life and there are three people of color in the whole (first season of the) show who aren't villains and it seems that every other episode (and sometimes ebery episode and sometimes twice an episode!) there is a man physically or magically subjugating a woman and i keep waiting for the big reveal at the end to be stolen from fucking rainbow rowell
#yes i read 'carry on' by rainbow rowell in middle school what else could you have possibly expected from me. anyway she gives me simon snow#vibes and not in a good way and she's even blonde while her british vampire boyfriend has dark dark hair and just. you will never be basil.#also i hate to be that guy but the writing has made me physically recoil and the acting almost reads as silly but mostly as middling :/ and#i wanted and expected more from matthew goode bc i really liked him in downton but i guess this is a 2018 bbc modern vampire fantasty serie#like i guess.#also there's SO much shit about bloodlines and maybe i'm gay with a blood disorder amd a family history of adoption but like. who fucking#careeessssssssss it ahould not be that serious. why is it that serious.#also the fantasy racism kind of reads like it's mesnt to be? homophobic adjacent? like there's a Lot of 'love who you love' talk going on#for the single most bland heterosexual relationship i've ever seen on a screen like there is so little chemistry? so little#anyway it's called 'a discovery of witches' and i'd recommend not watching it 🫶 or if you do then watch it on 1.5x speed#it's been decent background noise for knitting bc i kinda sorta care about the plot but if miss a chunk bc i'm in the lace chart zone i do#not care and i do not have to go back to catch it bc the writing is so transparent#there was another series it stole from that's escaping me atm but when i noticed it pissed me off a touch. hmm maybe it will come back to m#a post#do not watch this show#I REMEMBERED they wanted the juliette holding diana captive moment to be joaquin's 'i want to watch you fuck her' from sense8 SOOOOO BAD bu#it WASN'T bc they were too afraid to lean into anything that would make juliette interesting at all. for being all about the world's most#special blonde woman this show does not seem to like women very much. sad! well there's other shows#OH ALSO ALSO there are 3 magical 'creature' species which are witch + vampire + femon except the demons don't seem? to have any magical#abilities that humans don't have besides sensing the species of other creatures? like witches can cast spells and vampires do their various#vampire things but demons have nothing going for them except disproportionately high rates of homelessness and suicide?? like girl what are#we doingggggggg what are we doing here !! what's their deal why does no one care !! can they do anything or no !! god this show sucks
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https://twitter.com/danfetes/status/1712166167572361344
josh says people saying stuff about stef ticks him off 😭 that's the meanest he'll ever get off the field 😭
that was kinda... 😏😏😏
and i definitely know stef feels the same... 😏
" tired of hearing all this nonsense... lot of guys in this league that have that same fire that don't get talked about, but--"
" frankly that kind of ticks me off when people wanna say stuff about him, but... we'll keep that all internal here 🙂🙃🫥."
this is allen at his boiling point omg 😭😭 held back by pr
#reporter: we talked to josh and we asked him a question about y-#stef smirks in Yeah. I Bet You Did. Bitch.😎 we're a two packaged deal. inseparable 😎 (insufferable) im his right hand man. his silly rab-#the sassy pose and the fond smile. theyre so untouchable dramatic ass top of the foodchain powercouple it's Unreal.#WHERE IS THE RPF!?!??!?!????#josh and allen sooooo fucked after this#fucked HARRRRD bro fucked HARD#and they were both soo ready for it like you cant tell me they didnt fuck nasty after this HELLO#we cant always bet on them winning but the fuck nasty is surely guranteed#diggs had the bed all set up with romantic candlelight and roses and josh hurdled over all that shit just to hold him in his arms#josh caught on fire a little bit but diggs patted the flames down before he could notice#all the snow piled up around their home in buffalo could not muffle the 'youre my qb.. ure my qb' pants& moans which shake those very walls#josh '🙃🙃' the hell outta this interview#he said YOU may not understand diggs horrors but **I** DO!!@@! **I** UNDERSTAND. I GET THEM.#the frustration of seeing everyone hate on his husband when he knows all of that pales in how much stef hates himself#AND THAT MAKES JOSHS LITTLE STUNNED FACE ALL THE MORE SAD LIKE. HES SO HURT FOR STEF.#AND HE JUST KNOWS. he KNOWS the public is gonna spin this horribly. make stef the diva they always degrade him as#josh has CONSTANTLY with like a bear pacing around the cracked glass enclosure barely disguised rage#defended stef from misinterpretation and disdained the diva drama so vehemently#so everytime josh messes up or stef messes up or they lose all josh is thinking and feeling is 'im fucking this up for him even more#i dont care if theyre gonna be mad at me. diggs is hurting. somehow some way. diggs is gonna get Hurt.#and i cant do anything but talk. and i cant even do that well.#it's all my fault i cant do anything im so stupid im so stupid'#saint bernard song 1 hour#that single wide eyed stare he gives his wr bcs all he can do is stare as stef's pain surges#it's not fear of stef as the media tries to portray for qbwr tension. it's fear For stef.#he knows theres hurt. and he knows theres gonna be even more hurting. and. the nail. he knows he cant do anything to help it from stopping#'why couldnt i throw better. i need to just run it to lessen the chances. i need to do something. i need to be better. i have to be better'#meanwhile diggs could care less abt what everyone else thinks about him. he just cares abt how josh thinks. about josh#stef wants to perform well so josh can actually feel well. be able to express anything he wants without worry or treading#diggs/allen
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can we please talk about him for a sec. i really like him can we talk about how much i like him
#this is scene is sooooo sad like its so beautiful he's trying so hard but the circumstances make it so horrible#like he really is just. i dont even know what the words for it are#i really like this scene i love his and silna's dynamic it drives me fucking crazy#the love was there etc etc etc etc etc ugghhh throwing up#he's so niceys. the fundamental truth about harry goodsir: he's literally nice.#the terror lb
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#thinks about Maliketh and gets sooooo so sad#I stopped liveblogging elden ring a while back bc Vartan and I have been playing it in tandem so I have a captive audience for my suffering#but we're very nearly done* and Maliketh is by far the character whose tragedy really sticks with me the most and just makes my chest hurt#might have to do some fanart...........#(we MIGHT have finished it by now if I didn't get fucking stuck on Placidusax and throw a tantrum about it. but that's beside the point.)
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genuinely so devastating to finish my flcl rewatch and pull up the tumblr tag confident that everyone else is also down cataclysmic for haruko and posting abt it but *crickets*
#I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY POPULAR ON HERE.... WHAT THE HELL GUYS#appreciate all the artbook stuff and the handful of fanartists but other than that its so dead its so over 😭😭😭😭#and most of the posts abt her are like 'shes such a terrible person but fun character other than that!' STFU. POSER#her selfishness and apathy and singleminded drive is literallt what makes her so fucking hot whats so hard to understand#a woman is headstrong n decisive n doesnt care abt ending the world for her ambitions n suddenly ur like ohhh devotion is baaaad#move aside gayboy im gonna get it id let use me in whatever scheme she needs thr fact shed only pretend to care abt me is even better 🥴#i love physically violent women i love being smacked with bass guitars hi hello im right here 😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚#wheres that post thats like i dont even have mommy issues i just think its hot to be a womans pet LITERALLLYYYY#god i need to draw her 5 million times but i wont have any free time until at least tues.....so sad#wait for me babygirl...... i wont forget abt u#we would have the most toxic relationship ever it would be awful for everyone in a 50 mile radius people would die#fake manic pixie dream girl fans when a girl with real mania comes at them:#ANYWAY RANT OVER i need to get my shit together for work tmr#also my chocolate orange cake turned out sooooo good i need to use this recipe again sometime#feeling way better plus i didnt even fully crash i just had like an hour or two of turbulence. but i do need to start winding down for bed#soooo goodnight everyone... and haruko especially.......#.diaries#flcl
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tsumugi being so fucked in the head and devoted to eichi that he doesnt see an issue in trampling over innocent people but still recognizes that. obviously people may come to hate them for this. people are being sacrificed after all. and hes okay with that. hes so disconnected from it all that none of this phases him, even allowing natsume to get physical with him if he so pleases because god. all this man does is please
it all sucks so fucking bad though bc like. yea eichis plan worked in the end. tsumugis judgement wasnt exactly wrong. but tsumugi went along with it under the assumption that him and eichi had something. that even once the contract expired, theyd continue working together. but just like with natsume, this war ended up costing tsumugi the people he cared about. completely tossed aside once the gig was up. yumenosaki is better now, sure, but despite tsumugis claims of "no matter what anyone does to me, i cant feel anything," once the war was over and he was left all by himself natsume noted that he felt like if tsumugi was left by himself for longer he may do something reckless like take his own life. thats how badly this got to him. and in the end, after everything they went through, after everything they lost, natsume and tsumugi were left with only each other as they sat by that burning pile of documents
#element is fucking me up so bad guys like SOOOOO fucking bad#IM RUINED#i could ramble abt this shit for HOURSSSSSSS#nat rambles#element spoilers#and im so sad that like. yes tsumugi did consent to natsume hitting him as much as he wants. but it still makes me a little sad#that not only does tsumugi care so little for himself that he allows himself to be a punching bag#but also that natsume ended up having so much pent up frustrations that he took tsumugis word and did as he offered#but it just makes their growth hit so much harder#bc in !!-era stories its explicitly noted that natsume doesnt really get physical with tsumugi anymore. n im just WAHHH#HEALING.........#im being rambly w this this is not a proper analysis. but maybe one day#nats enst posting
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visited my mother again, this time only for an hour because I couldn't stand it any longer. she's so........ annoying (understatement of the fucking century)
everything is just miserable and awful and bad with her. I just wanted to give her some stuff because she's been trying painting recently and I had promised, but oh my god why does it always have to just be negative?? oh she's sooo bad at it and it's not fun and she doesn't understand the point if it's not for making money. just don't fucking do it then?? no one's forcing you!
which then obviously led to 'oh but you're so talented and you should make money from your art and blah blah blah'
yeah great I'll do that once I get over all the shit that she did that makes it so I can't even post my dumb art on here for like 5 people to see. great idea. fucking awesome.
she also decided she wants to be an influencer to make money :) that was a weird conversation.
#I'm literally not talented I've just been drawing since I was like 9. obviously I'm better at it then she is when she has never ever done#that in her fucking life#it's FUN.#1. I don't WANT to make it my job because then it wouldn't be fun. and 2. what I said up there. my god I don't understand how she really#just does not know a single fucking thing about me. it would be funny if it wasn't so sad.#also like even when it isn't fun I have to do it. it's just a thing I do. stop being so damn weird about it all the time!#I'll be so happy when we live 30 minutes away (because according to her that's sooooo far so she will absolutely not come visit us. good!)#personal
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ok. im going to make this post but i REALLY shouldn’t but i just am so devastated rn and need to not be alone in it and you guys are the only people i can talk to candidly about moving stuff rn for a lot of reasons. the reason im crying rn is because i just found out i made a massive error in my budget and it turns out that my net pay is barely over minimum wage and i cannot afford to live by myself. at all. unless i live off of savings in addition to income but even then that’s only going to help me for a couple months and anyway it’s extremely unwise bc i should save that money for getting a car etc etc. this is not entirely a bad thing because a) at least i can afford to… you know… live. and b) living with roommates will not be bad especially if i live with friends and/or strangers i come to be friends with. it’s just i really… i don’t know i just feel so sick to my stomach. it’s just that recent events have made it so clear to me that i need to teach myself how to live independently before i can live with other people (let alone function in the world, heal from trauma, etc.) healthily. i know it so deeply. and it can’t happen for me. this is confirmation. this is confirmation and there’s nothing that can change it. rent is too high (even for shitty apartments in the area which let’s be real most of them are… it’s too high!) and over half of my income is going to taxes and deductions and bills and student loans. i feel so hopeless
#an di still have homework to do LMAOOOOOOOOOOO as if im not having a crisis over this issue which is more important than any hw assignment#will ever be. fuck my stupid baka life but i mean it so sincerely.#purrs#delete later#again. i know even being able to consider living alone is a MASSIVE privilege and there will be joys in having a roommate especially if it’s#someone i love. but it’s going to create sooooo many more steps in this process for me and i will have to compromise my needs yet again (#even if i genuinely want to!) when what i need right now is to have as little compromise as possible. to FINALLY experience what it’s like#to live without having to share (most) things or silence myself. moving out at all is going to be huge and helpful no matter if im living#with roommates but. god god god. this feels like thinking a door is open but it’s just painted to look that way. im so sad#also btw i found out that i am not actually being overpaid im being UNDERpaid. which is a solvable problem that will be fixed this week but#even when that gets corrected i still am making a little over minimum wage so. 😃🔫
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my grandma may not be able to stand up by herself or walk or talk in full sentences but she still managed to bodyshame the nurse and my mom during her appointment !!! the human spirit will always prevail!!!!!
#hahahahaha do you ever think about how every women in ur life hates her body and has a fucked up realtionship with food hahahahaha#like even at 80 years old ur still going to bodyshame ppl because we’ve been taught it since birth and even when u forget everything you#never forget that being fat is the worst thing to ever happen#sooooo funny!!!!!!!!!#(obivously i don’t mean that but like that’s what we’re told!!!!)#no hate to grandma but like god it makes me so sad#you can’t break the cycle!!!!!!!!!!!#mari.txt#food/#fatphobia/
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sorry, I’m such a baby, but sometimes I go online and it’s like. well. I think things would be better if people were just nicer to each other. I think that would be really good. because some people are really fucking mean and I hate it.
#like damn some people are just so mean for no reason…#and like yes I realize that these types of people are fucking miserable#but like god help you if you accidentally look at fb comments#I don’t understand how everyone on fb is the most miserable hateful person alive#like you’ll watch a video of a little kid happily eating a snack#and the comments will be shit like ‘I would hit her for eating with her mouth open’#like how does such an evil and miserable thought even enter someone’s brain? much less actually get typed out and shared????#and it just makes me sooooo deeply sad to see stuff like that#like lol it really really brings me down. it’s just a little kid eating a snack…
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i love cas but to be so real. anna could’ve been it. anna could’ve been it.
#i loved her sooooo so so much and it always makes me sad when she gets her grace back#and it makes me. soooo sad that she got reprogrammed by heaven and then killed by michael AND ITS NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN!!!!#like. oh well i guess anna was just always like that NO!!!!!!! she was so kind and human and full of joy and why why why the fuck#did the fandom decide that her reprogrammed personality was always her personality?#also the way that her and dean connect in s4 always fucking gets me like AUGHHHHH#WHAT WE COULD HAVE HAD………#lu.txt
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What’s a moment from Jo that gives you emotional damage?
all two scenes he's alone with aoki like bruh i feeeeeel the kicked puppy energy practically oozing off of him
#snap chats#HE'S SOOOOO MISERABLE IN THOSE SCENES LOOOLLLL#THEYRE SO FUNNY <- depressing in retrospect#getting bitched at by his son like god.#and when aoki was like 'between me and my dad who are you ultimately loyal to'#AND SAWASHIRO WITH HIS AVOID-THE-QUESTION-ASS ANSWER I SWEEAAARRRRR TO GOD........ IT FUCKS ME UP SO BAD#rgg knew if they showed us the scene of aoki telling jo to kill arakawa itd be so fuckin joever bro#i think of it every day i already made TWO comics about it but god.........#jo being so sad puppy around aoki is so funny#its just suuuuch a hard contrast to how see him The Rest Of The Game where he's a scary motherfucker#cocky even at times And Then With Aoki He's Just 🧍♂️#its what makes me love him so much like UGH.... so good.. he's so pathetic...
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I'm the real fake idgafer I will vaguepost about it on tumblr.com
#echoes of the fettered#wait how do i write this down#uhhh#it's like uh. uh uh?#ahhh fuck ok hold on let me think#ok yeah alright uh#so the idea of seeing someone else succeed right? like that shit hurtsssss and I'm sooooo jealous#im coping and seething#not really. but it's about hyperbolics#definitely feel jealous and envious tho#hell even got money for it. fucking lucky bastard#but it's like. oh maybe i could've been there had i actually tried to engage with the outside world and like. actually make something#for myself#ultimat. wtf why is there an ultimate sex machine tag???? ok.#whatever i was saying#ultimately im the only one holding myself down for reaching the stars#the fault lies with me#so it's kinda sad bc it's a good reminder of how i stop myself from doing more ambitious stuff#and that sucksssss#i should do something about that. yeah#not today nor tomorrow#but one day i should#Im missing the 'wishing bad out of jealousy part' but that's kinda a whole other thing that wouldn't really fit the conclusion#so like yeah#it's fine tho i get to be a pity bitch once a year. it's fineeeee
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one aspect of lucifer rising that I love but I don’t think is discussed enough is that the function of the voicemail was to drive sam to suicide. Sam didn’t think he would survive killing Lilith, but it’s better to die as a monster who saved the world than die by his brothers gun
#Idk I remember like the second time I watched lucifer rising and went oh#OH#this was a suicide mission#Sam wanted to die here#and then I watched the commentary and kripke confirmed#and I was like#the way that Sams objective here was to die and also save the world#but instead he condemns the world and is given the promise of Never Fucking Dying from lucifer#like that’s SOOOOO#that’s So Fucking Sad#and so so good#that’s the type of storytelling that makes me vibrate bc I’m so !!!! Over it#Anyways this isn’t to excuse sams actions or anything. He shouldn’t have killed the nurse#but it is a damn good aspect of the show#spn#suicide#Also Ik this isn’t new I just always want to be talking about it#Therefore it isn’t discussed enough#Snsnsn
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