#THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING THEY'RE GONNA CRUCIFY ME

[cowardlycowboys]

christ you know it ain't easy

[mcflymemes]

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT - THE ANTHOLOGY BY TAYLOR SWIFT PROMPT LIST *  assorted lyrics from the album, some lines slightly adapted for meme purposes but feel free to adjust as necessary

even if it's handcuffed, i'm leaving here with you.

trust me. i can handle a dangerous man.

i love you. it's ruining my life.

does it feel all right to not know me?

i am who i am 'cause you trained me.

quick. tell me something awful.

i loved you the way that you were.

we were just kids, babe.

i can fix him.

you and i go from one kiss to getting married.

you said i'm the love of your life.

way up there, i actually love it.

i just don't understand how you don't miss me.

do you hate me?

did you think i had it in me?

what if i told you i'm back?

i still miss the smoke.

i'm not trying to exaggerate, but i think i might die if it happened.

you look like stevie nicks.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

i still can't believe it.

this happens once every few lifetimes.

didn't you hear? they called it all off.

it's happening again.

my friends say it isn't right to be scared.

i might just die.

fuck you if i can't have us.

tell me about the first time you saw me.

are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me?

no one's ever had me... not like you.

stay away from her.

there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you.

i don't think you've changed much.

that's where i was when i lost it all.

life was always easier on you than it was on me.

i hoped you'd return.

do you believe me now?

what if your eyes looked up and met mine one more time?

what are the chances you'd be downtown?

is it something i did?

oh, we must stop meeting like this.

they say what doesn't kill you makes you aware.

i'm not a donor, but i'd give you my heart if you needed it.

looking backwards might be the only way to move forwards.

the story isn't mine anymore.

what a charming saturday!

none of it is changing.

wild winds are death to the candle.

one bad seed kills the garden.

i'm bitter, but i swear i'm fine.

this place made me feel worthless.

i didn't want to come down.

everything had been above board.

blood's thick, but nothing like a payroll.

you can mark my words that i said it first.

the professor said to write what you know.

all of this to say, i hope you're okay.

your words are still just ringing in my head.

i built a legacy which you can't undo.

who do i have to speak to to change the prophecy?

the effects were temporary.

no, i'm not coming to my senses.

babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i guess a lesser woman would've lost hope.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

you're a professional.

long may you reign.

you're an animal. you are bloodthirsty.

now i seem to be scared to go outside.

i don't believe in good luck.

i hate it here.

if i'd been there, i'd hate it.

only the gentle survived.

i'm lonely, but i'm good.

you have no room in your dreams for regrets.

i thought it was just goodbye for now.

are you still a mind reader?

let it once be me.

i haven't decided yet.

i still dream of him.

i'm so afraid i sealed my fate.

it was always the same searing pain.

i can't forgive the way you made me feel.

it wasn't a fair fight or a clean kill.

she used to say she wished that you were dead.

tell me all your secrets.

they tried to warn you about me.

you're in terrible danger.

i'm the life you chose.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

no one asks any questions here.

tell me i'm despicable. say it's unforgivable.

i'm running back home to you.

you should see your faces.

you knew the price going in.

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

i don't ever want you back.

did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.

am i allowed to cry?

there's no such thing as bad thoughts. only your actions talk.

they're going to crucify me anyway.

i know i'm just repeating myself.

that's the closest i've come to my heart exploding.

[coolprettyleo]

they're gonna crucify me anyways - jack hughes ☆

wc: 637

tw: doubting, confessions, shit-talking, haters, crying?

jack hughes x oc

so highschool au

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

marley walked into the rink feeling and looking like she had been to hell and back. the girl had been having the most horrible past two days since her date with jack.

as soon as word got to the rest of the school that she was seeing the hockey player people began to talk their talk. and it was far from positive.

the people-pleasing girl who couldn't handle the fact that people hated her now had girls she's never even spoken to call her a slut, whore, bitch, and basically every name in the book. it felt like the world was ending for the poor girl.

she had bags under her eyes due to her lack of sleep, hence why she was at the rink almost two hours before practice was scheduled to start. hoping to get some editing done, she pulled herself somewhat together and drove to the rink, not thinking anyone else would be there.

halting when she noticed what was supposed to be an empty parking lot, held a singular car in it. a car she knew all too well. she had still been texting the boy, but she was being very standoffish, which was surely getting across to the boy, who had finally thought he was getting somewhere with her.

she hoped to slip past him unnoticed, but her wishes were ungranted when she heard ruffling come from down the hall.

"stalking me, waters?" he teased at her

"i didn't think anyone would be here" she honestly told him

"I like to get extra ice time in the mornings," he told her as she nodded.

the boy frowned not liking how standoffish she was acting.

"is everything okay?" he asked her walking closer as she sighed.

"not really," she said as he eyed her

"are you gonna tell me what's wrong?"

"it's stupid-"

"it's not, if you're worrying about it"

"people are talking," she said as he looked at her confused urging her to go on.

"no one thinks we make any sense. and the more I think about it, do we? i mean- do we actually have anything in common jack? these people may have a point-"

"they don't. you shouldn't let people get to you, they're all unhappy. as much as you want to push me away, I'm not going to let you," he said, stopping the girl's thoughts.

"why, though?" she asked, tearing up as jack sighed. he knew what people were saying, but he could give a shit; her, on the other hand, seemed to give the world.

"because I really like you. i like how you take pictures of moments you want to remember, I like that you're not afraid to try new things, I like how you scrunch your nose when someone pisses you off, but you're way too scared to ever say something-"

"I am not scared," she said, letting out a small giggle as she wiped her tears.

"okay. but i like you. i like everything about you. and I think you like me too, so don't let other people dictate your life, and tell you otherwise" he told her sternly

"you have a point. I told you it was stupid-" she said, shaking her head and looking away from his bright blue eyes.

"it wasn't stupid. it was your thoughts, and those are far from stupid," he told her as she finally let out a smile before hugging the hockey player. momentarily surprising him for a moment, before he hugged her back like he'd never let go.

the two teens stood there wrapped in one another basking in the scent and feeling of each other that they both knew it was going to be a feeling they'd never get tired of. that hug means way more than some stupid kiss for the brown-haired girl.

[uselesslexbian]

the tortured poets department sentence starters.

i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me.

i love you, it's ruining my life.

my husband is cheating. i wanna kill him.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

who's gonna hold you like me?

who's gonna know you, if not me?

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.

everyone we know understands why it's meant to be. 'cause we're crazy.

who else is gonna know me?

i should've known it was a matter of time.

we could've played for keeps this time.

once i fix me, he's gonna miss me.

he told me i'm better off, but i'm not.

fuck it if i can't have him.

i might just die, it would make no difference.

fuck it if i can't have us.

'cause fuck it, i was in love.

i stopped trying to make him laugh.

how much sad did you think i had in me?

you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it.

just how low did you think i'd go before i'd self-implode?

you swore you love me, but where were the clues?

i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place.

i forget if this was ever fun.

no, i'm not coming to my sense.

i know he's crazy, but he's the one i want.

i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.

i'll tell you something about my good name - it's mine alone to disgrace.

you ain't gotta pray for me.

no, you can't come to the wedding.

it's gonna be alright, i did my time.

i will never lose my baby again.

ain't no way i'm gonna screw up now that i know what's at stake.

they said i was a cheat. i guess it must be true.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

tell me i'm dispicable, say it's unforgivable.

am i allowed to cry?

i keep recalling things we never did.

someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts.

if it's make-believe, why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

they're gonna crucify me anyway.

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

you don't get to tell me about "sad."

if you wanted me dead, you should've just said.

who's afraid of little old me?

at all costs, keep your good name.

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

so tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?

say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did?

i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?

i'm fearsome, and i'm wretched, and i'm wrong.

you caged me, and then you called me crazy.

i am what i am 'cause you trained me.

i can fix him. no really, i can.

come close, i'll show you heaven.

trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man.

you said i'm the love of your life.

well, you took me to hell, too.

what we thought was for all time was momentary.

are they second-hand embarrassed that i can't get out of bed 'cause something counterfeit's dead?

you're the loss of my life.

i can handle my shit.

he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short.

i can do it with a broken heart.

i'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague.

i cry a lot, but i am so productive. it's an art.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i'm sure i can pass this test.

they said, "babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and i did.

'cause i'm miserable! and nobody even knows!

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

they just ghosted you. now you know what it feels like.

i don't even want you back.

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.

i would've died for your sins. instead i just died inside.

i'll forget you, but i'll never forgive.

i haven't come around in so long, but i'm making a comeback to where i belong.

this town is fake, but you're the real thing.

the crown is stained, but you're the real queen.

you're the new god we're worshipping.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

[olenvasynyt]

I don’t listen to Taylor Swift but here’s my analysis of Guilty As Sin? being Elucien coded

I am not saying SJM posting this song on her story is a sign that Elucien is endgame or that Elain’s book is next, this is just my interpretation of a song and it is not based in fact!  I also don’t know TS lore or her dating history, I only know about the football guy, and Matty Healy because I’m ex-The 1975 fan

Drownin' in the Blue Nile He sent me "Downtown Lights" I hadn't heard it in a while

Downtown Lights by The Blue Nile is one of Matty Healy’s favorite songs and a verse from that song is this:

“Sometimes I walk away When all I really wanna do Is love and hold you right There is just one thing I can say Nobody loves you this way It’s alright”

If I were to relate this to ACOTAR, this is reminiscent of the stairs moment when Lucien is leaving to find Vassa and an army and we can see this longing and affection for Elain but he walks away.  Sometimes I walk away when all I really wanna do it love and hold you right.  I think we are going to see her POV of that moment and I feel like it is going to be very prevalent in Elain’s book because Elain takes a half-step.  What does that half step mean?

My boredom's bone-deep This cage was once just fine Am I allowed to cry? I dream of crackin' locks

This could be about how Elain is being kept in a box in the Night Court, about how she might have been trying to love it before but she wants to get out, it’s not the right place for her.  She does not fit in the Night Court, we see this when she wears black and it sucks the life out of her.

Crashin' into him tonight, he's a paradox I'm seeing visions Am I bad or mad or wise?

Elain sees visions.  And people also suspect that she could be seeing visions of Lucien.

What if he's written "Mine” on my upper thigh only in my mind?

Mine is a song by The 1975 and this song is about commitment and questioning what’s right and having this assurance that love is right.

Looking back on 2009 When people said that it was raining all the time I see sunshine 'cause I know that you are mine

“No, we saw rain, you guys weren’t right for each other, but he still sees sunshine, because I know that you are mine.”  This also reminds me of when Lucien says in his head “I am yours and you are mine”. 

I'm slippin', fallin' back into the hedge maze Oh, what a way to die

This could be about Elain struggling to navigate her thoughts and the visions she is probably still having but pushing down.  She might be better at controlling them but her control is slipping.

I keep recalling things we never did Messy top lip kiss, how I long for our trips Without ever touchin' his skin How can I be guilty as sin? I keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault

Again, as I and many people talked about before, Elain could be having feelings of attraction and affection towards Lucien, her mate, but she is shoving it down.  

We've already done it in my head, if it's make-believe Why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

People often headcanon that Elain is having sexual feelings and maybe even sexual visions of Lucien.

And the vow is the vow of accepting the mating bond and she feels guilty of that.

My bed sheets are ablaze I've screamed his name Buildin' up like waves crashin' over my grave Without ever touchin' his skin How can I be guilty as sin?

Again, we get this idea that Elain could be having attraction towards Lucien.  And we got fire imagery too!

What if I roll the stone away? They're gonna crucify me anyway What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy? If long-suffering propriety is what they want from me They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly I choose you and me religiously

It’s people saying “you guys are wrong for each other.  You are wrong, you guys don’t fit together”.  We see this with Feyre questioning why her and Lucien are mates, Nesta yelling at Lucien, saying “we’ll decide what she needs”.  A lot of people don’t think Elucien are right for each other but Elain could be thinking “we are right” but she is too influenced by other people’s opinions that she doubts herself.  “But what if she chooses him?  What if she rolls the stone away, officially bringing to life the feelings she could have for Lucien?

They don’t know how you have been haunting me so stunningly I choose you and me religiously

Lucien has been haunting her, and Elain decides to choose him.

[leconcombrerit]

A warm hug to Non, or when are we going to stop demanding perfection from victims

It's been forever since I thought about making this post but I've finally decided to write the goddamn thing.

Three disclaimers : one, I haven't yet managed to get past the first third of episode 9, so this whole thing is based on episodes 1-8 at best. Two, I'll block on sight again if I see victim blaming on this post. Finally, I'm by no means an expert on the subject. It's complex, I might get things wrong and I'll have to oversimplify at times for clarity and brevity's sake, please don't kill me for it. It's probably gonna be long enough as it is. I've tried my best to organize my thoughts in a way that would make sense, but. Well. I hope it does.

Trigger warning for mention of suicide, bullying, grooming, sexual assault, rape

Non started as the poor little baby everyone wanted to protect -both the audience and Jin ; for all the shit he got after filming Non and Keng, there are a lot of parallels to draw between him and the audience. Then the dreaded episode 7 happened and all hell broke loose. I won't include screenshots of the disgusting things I read from some viewers about Non, but Jin's reaction is pretty telling already.

The easy explanation would be that he's mad Non isn't returning his feelings, but I think it has more to do with Non not fitting his 'good victim' role anymore. There's sadness on his face, but the dominants are anger and betrayal. Non tries to regain agency and gets crucified for it.

So what's a good victim ?

Non, basically

If you want an examplary blueprint of what society defines as a good victim and survivor, someone worth justice, defending and loving, just take a look at Non. I broke it down in four marks that need to be checked :

-Innocence : none of the person's action prompted the abuse -Moral high ground : the person has values and displays kindness -Helplessness : the person cannot do anything about the situation they're stuck in -Accepting to be saved : self-explanatory. The person has to accept the help that's offered to them, traditionally by a love interest

Non is abused for being poor, something he's not responsible for. He's hardworking, honest, passionate about the things he loves and commits to his engagements. He's kind when talking with Jin. He's resilient in the face of the gang's bullying. None of what he could do or say would make it stop, neither can he help owing Por for a camera he hasn't broken nor get out of Tee's pyramid scheme. His mental illness only increases this impression of vulnerability. Jin doesn't have all these elements, but he's got more than enough to paint a very similar picture of Non as the audience.

As for accepting help, Jin repeatedly offers some -and Non finally lets him in during their conversation on the rooftop. What Jin offers may be little but it's still help ; Non smiles and even gives Jin a shove -what I think is the only time he initiates contact with Jin at all.

"Thank you so much, Jin, for helping me all along." "It's alright, I'm glad to. I just want to see you smile again, Non."

The audience gets even more of Non being happy and grateful to be saved : he calls his "♥" contact for help multiple times, smiles at the reminder to take his meds and, later on, clings to Phee for dear life after trying to kill himself. He doesn't fight him, he doesn't reach for the scattered pills. Hell, even accepting Tee's offer to make money could count as Non agreeing to be saved by everyone around him.

Non checks all the marks. Everyone in the audience is rooting for him, the other boys can all go get impaled on a branch, and Jin looks at him like he hung and lit all the stars in the sky.

Speaking of the other boys...

Tee and Por victims as well but don't get the same amount of sympathy, if any. Tee isn't responsible for being stuck in a criminal environment and can't get out of it ; no one has offered help, so he gets a pass. But he's been shown to be selfish, opportunist, often cowardly and sometimes gratuitously cruel.

As for Por, it's even worse : every actions he takes seems to confirm his dad's opinion of him. The only mark he ticks is accepting to be saved by his mother, which looks very bad taken on its own. I made a post about Por not too long ago if you want more.

The only way for them to redeem themselves and go from 'horrible people who should die' to 'maybe they don't suck they're my poor little meow meows' is penitence. Take Por ; he's the archetype of the rich son who gets abused by his dad and suffers from having so much money. Just like Kang in Dangerous Romance, or Tanthai in Laws of Attraction. Tee ? I don't have names from the top of my head, but he's that hardened jaded guy stuck in a mafiosi network who has to learn to love and be loved again (enters White). Yet the audience learnt to root for these characters.

Basically, nothing is set in stone. Your status as a good or bad victim can shift depending on your actions and the way they're framed. The usual narrative is to get those characters to grow into the acceptable victim pattern. DFF however is going for reverse development (Non, Jin) or stagnation (Por, Tee, Fluke). It makes for gritty yet very realistic storylines ; and while I'm the first to yell that the masked figures should get their ass stat, I also recognize that there's much more complexity to them than this. Except Top. I have yet to come up with a good explanation for what they're doing with Top, but I will at some point.

How did Non fall from grace if he's such a good example ?

Three points : Phee, the paradox of the demand for Non to seek agency but not too much, and his inacceptable betrayal.

Phee as a magnifying factor

I love this kid to bits but Phee's appearance in the flashbacks concurs with Non's flawless image being torn to shreds for a reason. He's a good, strong and caring person who loves and tries to protect Non -something the audience has wanted to do for weeks ; so we all gathered behind Phee and made him our emissary, carrying out the impossible task outsiders to the series' world couldn't : saving Non.

Since Phee voices the questions and concerns of the audience, we are Phee to an extent. Betraying Phee means betraying the hope and love and care the audience has for Non. Phee is the series' moral compass by that point. I'm sure you see where I'm going with this. If not, consider it's a surprise tool that will help us later. When Phee gets hurt by Non or decides he'd be better off lost and dead.

For the record, in this poll Phee gets even fewer votes than White

Seek agency, but not too much

Discontent starts to rise with the helplessness point first as viewers start to question why Non doesn't ditch the group. Why he's putting himself through such trouble. Non changes from being subjected to others' action to being the subject in a grammatical sense. Yet Non has hiw own reasons to stay (how much does the movie mean to him ? How many hours and sleepless nights on the script ? How long would it take for him to find another chance to get enough funding ? How big of a dream is it for him ?). It's the first occurence of the audience claiming to know best what's good for Non.

Complaints quiet down when Non does try to leave for good only to be stopped by Jin. We saw him try, we saw him fail, he really couldn't leave so he's off the hook.

Jin also makes sure Non remains a perfect victim by bringing him back into the group. I'm not accusing Jin of trying to make Non suffer on purpose ; he's a good guy at heart, come fight me to death on this hill. But the only way for him to exist in Non's life is to remain a savior of sorts. If Non leaves, there's nothing to save him from. Which brings us to my next point.

Non must try to solve things by himself, sure. But not too much. Because when you thrash to regain control of your life, you might break a few things in the process. Especially if you have to wrest it away from well-intentioned but firm hands.

He rejected Jin's offers to help numerous times. He looked anything but thrilled when Phee put himself in danger to clear his name. He refused to change schools at first, only to begrudgingly agree when Phee insisted. This insistence is the heart of the matter : Phee is sure he knows best, so he bulldozes through Non's objections and hesitation : he doesn't consult him before asking his dad for help, he speaks in his place when Non doesn't answer his proposal, he puts the bracelet on his wrist. He asks him if he's taken his meds, just in case.

Phee has the audience's benediction in doing so. Part of it stems from our knowledge of future events : we know it's going to end bad for Non. We know he has to get the fuck out. We know whatever decision he makes will be a bad one. Kids and teenagers as a whole are often deemed unable, or not mature enough to make informed decisions anyway. Just look at Non's mother telling him to prioritize his studies so he can go abroad like his brother. Multiply it tenfold for people with mental illnesses ; they get babied on a daily basis. So Non cannot, I can't emphasize it enough, cannot do anything.

All of the above end with Phee getting his way. Non can't win against him, so he chooses to lie instead.

Aside from willing to be in charge of his own life, Non's refusal to let Phee help is also rooted in love and fear. While Phee would offer him an easy way out as he did for the bank accounts, it would most likely only be easy for Non and put Phee in danger. Both their survivals are held in that curt 'no'.

He's already straight up refused help, and now he loses the moral highground by lying (to his perfect holy savior Phee of all people). From here on out, any action he takes will be his -which is what Non wanted ; it's his life, and he won't be a bystander in it. But it also means that he jumped off the pedestal he'd been put on to land on thin ice.

And guess what, Non is a multi-dimentional character in a difficult situation who weighs more than a poor little damsel in distress. Of course said ice cracks. And the Non hate train gets started.

The betrayal

Lying and refusing help to go get it from the worst place he could have had was bad enough. But sleeping with his teacher while he had a boyfriend (Phee, for heaven's sake) ? Unforgivable. Cheating is the BL equivalent of every cardinal sin, the worst of the worst, and no matter the circumstances you'll get roasted for it.

And yet there are circumstances. One, especially, and it's called motherfucking grooming. I won't elaborate on this point cause I've done it over and over already, but Non was groomed by an adult. Does he see things that way ? Probably not. In his mind he's in control of the situation. He can lie to Phee about it because there's no reason for it to backfire. He does what he has to if he wants to save himself, using he one weapon he has : his body. It's cheating, but cheating in a game rigged for you to lose.

Society has two opinions about sex. It's either holy or gross. Take Jin, for instance.

See the look on his face. He's heartbroken, he's sad, he'll live through it. Witnessing Non having sex with his teacher when he has a boyfriend ? Now that's another story. That's a betrayal.

A betrayal of what, exactly ?

Of this goddamn image Jin had painted of Non. The same the audience was given to see prior to these events : Non was perfect and loveable and worth defending, an innocent, pure, helpless baby in need of saving. So when the illusion shatters in what society and especially BL culture hold as the worst action possible, people feel fooled. Stupid, if you will. And they turn their hatred to Non. Non lied to us ! He pretended to be good, dear god, to think I loved such filth ! My heart is so dirty now, ew.

But Non didn't lie. He lied to Phee, but that's it. Everything else was expectations and assumptions. Fail to meet them and suddenly everything is your fault. It's Non's fault for refusing to be dragged along in his own life anymore, Non's fault for lying in order to get some control, Non's fault for lying again not to lose Phee when caught by surprise, Non's fault for listening to Jin, Non's fault for resorting to use his only weapon to get out of a situation he was cornered in, Non's fault for being tricked into thinking any of the decisions he made regarding Keng were his own, Non's fault for everything.

He wanted to claim his life back and made a mistake, yes. He doubled-down on it when he realized it was too much for him to handle. He clung to it and did his best to keep it together. He dared not to be the perfect victim he was supposed to be ; to try when everyone knew he was bound to fail. And you know what, sometimes there's stuff that's someone's fault, consequences they didn't foresee, things they said, slips and falls, and they're still victims, just as much as they were before.

I believe that dealing with his debt himself is as important to Non as finishing the movie is. He's ready to be used and abused (by Keng in the former, the group for the latter) and to break his own heart, values, pride and sanity. He's the most resilient and dedicated character in the show to me.

But the world doesn't necessarily see it that way. So when Non realizes the mess he's made of everything, he fights Keng (who represents his desperate and violent search for complete independence) to reach for the bracelet he got from Phee. He wants help. He needs it. But he's not a victim anymore and any help is denied.

Both Phee and Jin later manage to reconcile their broken image of Non with the man he actually is. Too late to save him, but they still did. I have a hunch that things would have been different if Phee had beat up Keng and taken a crying Non in his arms, holding him tight while whispering none of it was his fault. But our moral compass fucked up, like the hurt kid he is.

What some people did by blaming and hating on Non is closer to the hateful comments he got on the video than Phee or Jin's reactions. They're far worse.

That's the big takeout. What if we stopped stigmatizing or idealizing sex ? What if we stopped demanding perfection and so-called purity for someone's trauma and status as a human being not to be negated ?

Anyway, here's a hug to Non and every victim who live in the paralyzing fear of a single slip. You can make mistakes just like the rest of us. You don't owe anyone perfection.

I'll end this rant on a bright, happy smile. I don't see a good ending for Non, but god knows he'd deserve it.

[munchmemes]

florence + the machine lyrics, high as hope edition

A SIDE

❛ i'm so high, i can see an angel. ❜ ❛ i hear your heart beating in your chest. ❜ ❛ the world slows 'till there's nothing left. ❜ ❛ in those heavy days in june when love became an act of defiance. ❜ ❛ hold onto each other. ❜ ❛ you were broken-hearted and the world was, too. ❜ ❛ i was beginning to lose my grip. i always held it loosely but this time i admit, i felt it really start to slip. ❜ ❛ at seventeen, i started to starve myself. ❜ ❛ i thought that love was a kind of emptiness. ❜ ❛ at least, i understood then the hunger i felt & i didn't have to call it loneliness. ❜ ❛ we all have a hunger. ❜ ❛ don't let it get you down, you're the best thing i've seen. ❜ ❛ we never found the answer but we knew one thing. ❜ ❛ in that pink dress, they're gonna crucify me. ❜ ❛ how could anything bad ever happen to you? ❜ ❛ you make a fool of death with your beauty. ❜ ❛ i thought that love was in the drugs. ❜ ❛ the more i took, the more it took away and i could never get enough. ❜ ❛ for a moment, i forgot to worry. ❜ ❛ i thought it doesn't get better than this. ❜ ❛ there can be nothing better than this. ❜ ❛ the world is at your fingertips. ❜ ❛ everything i ever did was just another way to scream your name. over and over and over again. ❜ ❛ i want a space to watch things grow. ❜ ❛ did i dream too big? do i have to let it go? ❜ ❛ what if one day there is no such thing as snow? ❜ ❛ i don't know anything. except that green is so green. ❜ ❛ there's a special kind of sadness that seems to come with spring. ❜ ❛ you need a big god. big enough to hold your love. ❜ ❛ you keep me up at night but to my messages, you do not reply. ❜ ❛ you know i still like you the most. ❜ ❛ you'll always be my favourite ghost. ❜ ❛ sometimes i think it's getting better and then it gets much worse. ❜ ❛ is it just part of the process? jesus christ, it hurts. ❜ ❛ though i know i should know better, i can make this work. ❜ ❛ shower your affection, let it rain on me. ❜ ❛ are you deeply sleeping or are you still awake? ❜ ❛ a good friend told me you've been staying out so late. ❜ ❛ be careful, my darling. be careful what it takes. ❜ ❛ from what i've seen so far, the good ones always seem to break. ❜ ❛ i can feel your anger from way across the sea. ❜ ❛ i was kissing strangers, i was causing such a scene. ❜ ❛ oh, the heart, it hides such unimaginable things. ❜ ❛ i want you so badly but you could be anyone. ❜ ❛ hold me down, i'm so tired now. ❜ ❛ leave me where i lie. ❜ ❛ i feel like i'm about to fall, the room begins to sway. ❜ ❛ i can hear the sirens but i cannot walk away. ❜ ❛ i thought i was flying but maybe i'm dying tonight. ❜

B SIDE

❛ i'm sorry i ruined your birthday. ❜ ❛ i guess i could go back, try and make my parents proud. ❜ ❛ i don't think it would be too long before i'm drunk again. ❜ ❛ this is the only thing i've ever had any faith in. ❜ ❛ [NAME], i don't say it enough. you are so loved. ❜ ❛ all the walls were melting and there were mermaids everywhere. hearts flew from my hands and i could see people's feelings. ❜ ❛ and you, you were the one i treated the worst. only because you loved me the most. ❜ ❛ we haven't spoken in a long time. i think about it sometimes. ❜ ❛ i don't know who i was back then and i hope and hope i would never treat anyone like that again. ❜ ❛ oh [NAME], you've always been my north star. ❜ ❛ i have to tell you something, i'm still afraid of the dark. ❜ ❛ do you understand that with every seed you sow you make this cold world beautiful? ❜ ❛ you told me all doors are open to the believer. ❜ ❛ i believe her. ❜ ❛ how's that working out for you, honey? do you feel loved? ❜ ❛ i drink too much coffee and i think of you often. ❜ ❛ are you afraid? 'cause i'm terrified. ❜ ❛ you remind me that it's such a wonderful thing to love. ❜ ❛ i believe in you and in our hearts we know the truth. ❜ ❛ i believe in love and the darker it gets, the more i do. ❜ ❛ it's just too much, i cannot get you close enough. ❜ ❛ a hundred arms, a hundred years, you can always find me here. ❜ ❛ lord, don't let me break this, let me hold it lightly. ❜ ❛ we have no need to fight. we raise our voices and let our hearts take flight. ❜ ❛ my held breath fills the room with love. ❜ ❛ it hurts in ways i can't describe. ❜ ❛ my heart bends and breaks so many, many times and is born again with each sunrise. ❜ ❛ we're sorry, we thought you didn't care. ❜ ❛ how does it feel now you've scratched that itch? ❜ ❛ hubris is a bitch. ❜ ❛ i feel nervous in a way that can't be named. ❜ ❛ we're a family pulled from a flood. ❜ ❛ it was so far to fall but it didn't hurt at all. ❜ ❛ i've always been in love with you. could you tell it from the moment that i met you? ❜ ❛ they told me that they loved me then ghosted me again. ❜ ❛ the older i get i find that happiness is an extremely uneventful subject. ❜ ❛ i must confess, i did it all for myself. ❜ ❛ the loneliness never left me. i always took it with me. ❜ ❛ the loneliness never left me. i always took it with me but i can put it down in the pleasure of your company. ❜ ❛ no chorus will come in. no ballad will be written. it will be entirely forgotten. ❜ ❛ and if tomorrow it's all over, at least we had it for a moment. ❜ ❛ things seem so unstable but for a moment we were able to be still. ❜ ❛ this will be entirely forgotten. ❜

[badgalazzie]

rewriting Guilty as Sin? with she/her pronouns so yall can see the vision

go to your playlist, choose the song and listen to it while reading this post with changed pronouns 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

[Verse 1]

Drownin' in the Blue Nile

She sent me "Downtown Lights"

I hadn't heard it in a while

My boredom's bone-deep

This cage was once just fine

Am I allowed to cry?

I dream of crackin' locks

Throwin' my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks

Crashin' into her tonight, she’s a paradox

I'm seeing visions

Am I bad or mad or wise?

[Chorus]

What if she's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and fallin' back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top-lip kiss, how I long for our trysts

Without ever touchin' her skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

[Verse 2]

I keep these longings locked

In lowercase, inside a vault

Someone told me, "There's no such thing as bad thoughts

Only your actions talk"

These fatal fantasies

Giving way to labored breath, takin' all of me

We've already done it in my head

If it's make-believe

Why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

[Chorus]

What if she's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and fallin' back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

My bed sheets are ablaze

I've screamed her name

Buildin' up like waves crashin' over my grave

Without ever touchin' her skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

[Bridge]

What if I roll the stone away?

They're gonna crucify me anyway

What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

If long-suffering propriety is what they want from me

They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly

I choose you and me religiously

[Chorus]

What if she’s written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and fallin' back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top-lip kiss, how I long for our trysts

Without ever touchin' her skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

[Outro]

She sent me "Downtown Lights"

I hadn't heard it in a while

Am I allowed to cry?

[averageambivert]

GUILTY AS SIN? BUT WOLFSTAR

Okay so everytime I listen to this song, I imagine Remus and Sirius (the ATYD ones) singing it for each other. And I really need to get this out of my head so here we are:

Drowning in the Blue Nile He sent me 'Downtown Lights' I hadn't heard it in a while My boredom's bone deep This cage was once just fine

This whole part is Remus. It's literally about HIM. Him talking about his "cage" (i.e. St. Edmund's) , which he had accepted before Hogwarts, and even the Shrieking Shack before the other Marauders transformed into animagi and helped him. Before Sirius told him that he doesn't deserve to suffer alone.

Am I allowed to cry?

This line is TOO accurate for ATYD Remus, as he's always avoiding crying and sees it as a weakness.

I dream of cracking locks Throwing my life to the wolves

Basically him after he meets Livia. My guy was ready to leave Hogwarts before NEWTs to go to the pack and kill Greyback ASAP.

Or the ocean rocks Crashing into him tonight He's a paradox I'm seeing visions, am I bad? Or mad? Or wise?

"Ocean Rocks". Taylor, you're not doing anything to disprove that you're NOT MsKingBean89. I think of them having confessions at the beach in Cornwall. Remus yelling at Sirius on the same beach and spilling his thoughts out after the staying with the pack for a month. Him having an identity crisis and screaming "I don't know who I am anymore!". Later that night, Sirius telling him that he's his Moony.

What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh Only in my mind? One slip and falling back into the hedge maze Oh what a way to die I keep recalling things we never did Messy top lip kiss How I long for our trysts

Them constantly fighting and then wanting for it to be over the next moment. Making up later.

Without ever touching his skin How can I be guilty as sin?

Now I think the next verse is from Sirius' perspective:-

I keep these longings locked In lowercase inside a vault

Sirius keeping his thoughts of Remus away from Walpurga. From the Dementors.

Someone told me There's no such thing as bad thoughts Only your actions talk

"Love is something you do"

These fatal fantasies Giving way to labored breath Taking all of me We've already done it in my head If it's make believe Why does it feel like a vow We'll both uphold somehow

Post Halloween 1976 Sirius thinking he's not gay and this is just his teenage hormones™, and wondering if HE has corrupted Remus.

What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh Only in my mind? One slip and falling back into the hedge maze Oh what a way to die My bedsheets are ablaze I've screamed his name Building up like waves Crashing over my grave Without ever touching his skin How can I be guilty as sin?

Finally, the BRIDGE:-

What if I roll the stone away? They're gonna crucify me anyway What if the way you hold me Is actually what's holy?

I imagine this to be from Remus because of all the hate werewolves get. He's always thinking that at the end of everything, he'd still be hated for what he is.

If long suffering propriety Is what they want from me They don't know how you've haunted me So stunningly I choose you and me ... Religiously

This is Sirius because everyone thinks he's guilty immediately because of his family. He never got a trial and was sent to Azkaban. The internalised homophobia and his love for Remus scared him so much, so it can be said that Remus HAS haunted him.

So yeah, in conclusion, Taylor wrote this song about them. Thank you for reading my gibberish ily here's a cookie 🍪

[smoochkooks]

sjm reposted guilty as sin on her ig stories and if it isn't elriel foreshadowing then i don't know anymore!!

"i dream of cracking locks, throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks (...)

i'm seeing visions, am i bad?

or mad? or wise"

Elain is a seer!!! her visions were driving her almost mad when she's just become fae

"What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh

Only in my mind?"

"I keep recalling things we never did"

!!!!! it's them yearning for each other even though they cannot be together and then Elain feeling betrayed when Azriel told her it was a mistake during Solstice. she's probably later on going to question herself whether she misinterpreted his actions

"I keep these longings locked

In lowercase inside a vault"

they cannot tell anyone about their attraction!! so they have to keep it to themselves because of Elain's mating bond

"We've already done it in my head"

now come onnnn it's Azriel's inner monologue during Solstice

"What if I roll the stone away?

They're gonna crucify me anyway

Elain wants to be free of her bond with Lucien that she has never wanted, she knows there might be huge consequences but she can't help but wonder whether she deserves to be happy and free

"What if the way you hold me

Is actually what's holy?"

mating bonds are considered to be sacred (so holy!!!). it's them wondering if their love for each other could transcend even a mating bond

[sathellio]

for the genloss ep 1 anniversary I'm rewatching the first vod and I have MORE THOUGHTS?? who knew this was even possible

1. hearing the music and watching the Showfall logo appear at the very beginning has me in my feels. this moment a year ago literally changed my life

2. yes, the Dr Jekyll and Mister Hyde reference is very good, but Right After that Ranboo goes "ow, my head" AND I- we already know they wake up with their arms still in the crucified position so we know this is a time loop thing and the box ending has happened before, but I haven't heard anyone notice that line?? did we just never pick up on that or am I late to the party?? either way ouch

3. if I had a nickel for every time gl!Ranboo dug into something's/someone's guts for a key I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice (bats in ep 1 and Charlie in ep 2)

4. BOO BITCH

5. during the bat cpr moment I never noticed that after Charlie said "to the rough beat of staying alive" he says "I didn't" lmao

6. Charlie's dead stare then the slow pan over to the broken urn is so funny

7. "there's, there's Nothing In the Fridge!" "goo goobie!!"

8. "es splaghebbi"

9. god there's so many good quotes

10. Squiggles says "I can't take any more Loss of these characters" and I know that's just silly goofy referencing the title, but also, all of them were doomed from the start. we know this, and Showfall knows this, but they really told us in the very beginning and we just didn't understand

11. I quote "it's an 8 hour flight" so often

12. I love the soundtrack so much oh my god

13. I also love Sneeg's sass this is fantastic

14. the lights flickering when Charlie pops out of the box is a nice touch

15. why did Ranboo blind himself with a flashlight two (2) separate times

16. *Bat*

17. why does Charlie's room have jello on the shelves

18. the way Ranboo says "I'm gonna go to bed" scratches my brain

19. also how Sneeg says "you would've known ~had you been awake~"

20. do you think gl!Ranboo was confused about finding an exact replica of his jacket in the basement box

21. I love Charlie's fighting idle motions they're so good

22. "what the fuck" *falls off tricycle*

23. man Ranboo really has a record for missing their towel throws (iykyk)

24. ugh seeing the ending of ep 1 for the first time was INSANE

I'll probably do this for ep 2 and 3 on their respective anniversaries! live laugh goo goobie

[lipslikethegardensofbabylon]

#ttpd analysis day nine - Guilty As Sin?

there are not enough words to convey how in love i am with the repeated motif of love being a religion. ex, sacred prayer i was there, stained glass windows in my mind, we bless the rains on Cornelia street, lord save me, etc etc etc. it’s difficult to neatly identify all of the lyrics this track parallels but the two primary songs are False God and ivy. this is one of my fave tracks she’s ever done and my only hot take is that this should’ve been a track 13. without further ado -

drowning in the Blue Nile - this line is genius for all of the implications, yes it’s a band, it’s also that (continued) metaphor for depression (ocean wave blues, I’m with you even if it makes me blue, etc), and in discussing with @aslowmotionlovepotion she also said denial is not just a river in egypt

falling back into the hedge maze is one of my favorite lyrics, there’s something so deeply romantic to me about falling (or as she says, crashing) fully into someone and getting tangled up/lost in the feelings. if you follow the imagery and previous tracks she basically describes being lost at sea, clinging (even white knuckling) the raft, and it’s almost like she comes to shore and enters this Alice in Wonderland type labyrinth as partially a reprieve but there’s also this residual guilt (am I allowed to cry?). I just love the imagery; she describes something lush and green when she could’ve described it more clinically like a chess game as she did in Dear John. idk it just speaks volumes to me. continuing with the lush imagery, the song parallels a lot of ivy

one slip and falling back into the hedge maze /your ivy grows and now I'm covered

oh, what a way to die, I keep recalling things we never did/I'd live and die for moments that we stole

my boredom’s bone-deep/I’d meet you where the spirit meets the bones

these fatal fantasies/I wish to know the fatal flaw

If it’s make believe/I can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland

what if I roll the stone away/my house of stone

it’s a fire, it’s a goddamn blaze in the dark and you started it/my sheets are ablaze

also the religious imagery and the False God (my other beloved) parallels are just

throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks/we were stupid to jump in the ocean separating us

oh, what a way to die/remember how I said I'd die for you?

why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?/we might just get away with it

religion's in your lips/messy top lip kiss

the altar is my hips/what if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh?

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?/I know heaven's a thing, I go there when you touch me

I choose you and me religiously/even if it's a false god, we'd still worship this love

I keep these longings locked in lowercase, inside a vault could be directly referring to folkmore. it could also be journal entries, poetry, or woodvale! (jk about the last part, lol). but i think the most obvious connection would be to loml on the same album, there are also religious lyrics within that track, but in going through the album I’m trying not to fully discuss later tracks until it’s their turn in the tracklist.

i also want to include this little bit

"La petite mort", from French: Small death, is an expression meaning "short loss or weakening of consciousness / consciousness".

it’s interesting considering the sex/orgasm euphemism and how closely it follows the repeated glimmers of death in Guilty As Sin? these fatal fantasies/building up like waves crashing over my grave/oh, what a way to die/they're gonna crucify me anyway

ending it with the dreamy am I allowed to cry? also reminds me of gold rush which “takes place inside a single daydream where you get lost in thought for a minute and then snap out of it”

[what-gs-watching]

If you wanna break my cold, cold heart...

It’s become very clear to me that I’m extremely lost in The Tortured Poet’s Department which I absolutely expected and it’s no fucking wonder my two hyperfixations are colliding. Because after ugly crying through it the first few handful of times about my own life, I’m now just telegraphing that emotion onto a tv character, which is super healthy. 

Seriously though,  is anyone else imagining Crowley somehow becoming obsessed with this album  while he’s still trying to work through Aziraphale fucking off back to heaven?! Baby girl full on alternately sobbing and manically laughing  in the back of the Bentley while Taylor Swift makes him feel hella seen? Compiling his own playlist of the tracks that just strip him raw?

Which, in my mind, have got to be - 

“Down Bad”

For a moment I knew cosmic love… / Now I’m down bad, crying at the gym / Everything comes out teenage petulance / Fuck it if I can’t have him. / I might just die, it would make no difference. / Down bad waking up in blood / Staring at the sky, come back and pick me up / Fuck it if I can’t have us / I might not just get up, I might stay down bad…

Obvi the go-to track when he just wants to wallow in it. Just like drowning his sorrows in that pub after the angel was discorporated during the first Armageddon, ‘fuck it if I can’t have us’. Hard Crowley vibes.

“My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys”

There was a litany of reasons why / We could've played for keeps this time / I know I'm just repeating myself / Put me back on my shelf / But first - pull the string / And I'll tell you that he runs / Because he loves me. / Cause you should've seen him / When he first saw me…

My boy only breaks his favorite toys / I'm queen of sand castles he destroys / Cause I knew too much / There was danger in the heat of my touch / He saw forever so he smashed it up / Oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys

I feel like this is their entire relationship; Aziraphale keeps him at arm’s length because it’s fucking dangerous but Crowley gets destroyed everytime.  ‘He runs because he loves me’ - what a devastating thought. They both do, gang, and that’s so sad.

“So Long London”

And you say I abandoned the ship / But I was going down with it / My white knuckle dying grip / Holding tight to your quiet resentment and / My friends said it isn't right to be scared / Every day of a love affair / Every breath feels like rarest air / When you're not sure if he wants to be there

So how much sad did you think I had / Did you think I had in me? / How much tragedy? / Just how low did you think I'd go? / Before I'd self-implode / Before I'd have to go be free

This one has gotta be for those times that he’s ready to fight back a little bit, and feels pissed about how much he tried to keep their shit together. Aziraphale thinks he gave up, he thinks Aziraphale gave up, and sometimes he thinks about fucking off from London too. But he won’t. Hopefully?

“Guilty As Sin?”

What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh / Only in my mind? / One slip and falling back into the hedge maze / Oh what a way to die / I keep recalling things we never did / Messy top lip kiss / How I long for our trysts / Without ever touching his skin / How can I be guilty as sin?

These fatal fantasies / Giving way to labored breath / Taking all of me / We've already done it in my head / If it's make believe / Why does it feel like a vow / We'll both uphold somehow?

What if I roll the stone away? / They're gonna crucify me anyway / What if the way you hold me / Is actually what's holy? / If long suffering propriety / Is what they want from me / They don't know how you've haunted me / So stunningly / I choose you and me … Religiously

Baby needs a song about longing. 6,000 years of longing. And uncertainty about whatever they are.  This one screaaaams Crowley’s questions about the group of the two of them. It’s so painful. Also, you know, the whole ‘sin’ thing. They spent so much time never touching, but y’all know Crowley feels that guilt anyway. Oof. 

ALSO, you know Aziraphale would be wrecked by this one too. I feel like the worst part about the two of them is they're both suffering the same thing, in agonizingly similar ways. They're both carrying that horrible guilt. It's gutwrenching.

“loml”

Oh, what a valiant roar / What a bland goodbye / The coward claimed he was a lion / I'm combing through the braids of lies / "I'll never leave" … / "Never mind" / Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire / Your arson's match your somber eyes / And I'll still see it until I die / You're the loss of my life

More sadness about Aziraphale’s departure. What a shit way to end things, what a cowardly path he took (in Crowley’s mind) after poor Crowley tried his absolute-fuckin’-best to put his heart on the line. Definitely 'the loss of my life.'

“The Black Dog”

Old habits die screaming / I move through the world with the heartbroken / My longings stay unspoken / And I may never open up the way I did for you / And all of those best laid plans / You said I needed a brave man / Then proceeded to play him / Until I believed it too / And it kills me / I just don't understand

Now I want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes / And hire a priest to come and exorcize my demons / Even if I die screaming / And I hope you hear it

This one is definitely for those times when Crowley wants to scour Aziraphale from his existence but yo, a habit built over literally ALL OF TIME isn’t going to die just screaming. If it can even die at all. 

“Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus”

You said some things that I can't unabsorb / You turned me into an idea of sorts / You needed me, but you needed drugs more / And I couldn't watch it happen / I changed into goddesses, villains, and fools / Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules / All to outrun my desertion of you / And you just watched it

If you wanna break my cold, cold heart / Just say, "I loved you the way that you were" / If you wanna tear my world apart / Just say you've always wondered

Ya know our boy has guilt over letting Aziraphale go where he absolutely could not follow, and I feel like he’d probably spend a bunch of time trying to change a ton of things in his life  just to avoid ‘the desertion of you’ but yooo, what cuts right to the core is ‘I love you the way that you were.’  All this poor demon wanted to hear, wants to hear. 

“How Did it End?”

​​We were blind to unforeseen circumstances / We learn the right steps to different dances / And fell victim to interlopers' glances / Lost the game of chance, what are the chances?

It's happenin' again / How did it end? / I can't pretend like I understand / How did it end?

Definitely another one for wallowing. Have I found myself screeching out ‘how did it end?!’ everytime it comes up? Yes. And I feel like a drunk Crowley would too. ‘It’s happening again’ would definitely hit home to him, how many times have they been through this? 

“The Prophecy”

But I looked to the sky and said / Please / I've been on my knees / Change the prophecy / Don't want money / Just someone who wants my company / Let it once be me / Who do I have to speak to / About if they can redo / The prophecy?

I'm so afraid I sealed my fate / No sign of soulmates / I'm just a paperweight / In shades of greige / Spending my last coin so someone will tell me / It'll be ok / Please

At some point it’s likely he figures out all of this was definitely always going to happen, right? Little snake has always been at the whims of the inevitable (ineffable), and all he ever tried to do was make his own choices but he’s stuck in circumstances he absolutely cannot change. This one is all about pleading. Bargaining phase, you know. But ‘just someone who wants my company’ absolutely kills me. Somebody tell this demon it’ll be okay.

And so yeah I’m imagining the Thin Dark Duke is just playing ALL of those on repeat forever, until he finally gets to this place: 

“Imgonnagetyouback”

Whether I'm gonna be your wife or / Gonna smash up your bike, I / Haven't decided yet / But I'm gonna get you back

I  hear the whispers in your eyes / I'll make you wanna think twice / You'll find that you were never not mine / You're mine

Bygones will be bygone eras fadin' into gray / We broke all the pieces but still want to play the game / Told my friends, "I hate you but I love you just the same" / Pick your poison, babe / I'm poison either way

Because you know it’s SO Crowley to be absolutely fucking furious at the end of it all, but resolved to get Aziraphale back under any circumstances. I love him running around with the energy of ‘Whether I'm gonna curse you out or take you back to my house, I haven't decided yet’ but he IS resolute in seeing his stupid angel again. This is as positive as he’s gonna get, and I love that for him. 

Did I spend way too much time writing this out for absolutely no reason? Yes. But gang, I have to believe Taylor Swift can reach anyone, even ethereal entities. Joiiiiin the Tortured Poet’s Department, Crowley, you know you want to…

[genericpuff]

I'm going to try to say this without sounding condescending. But every time I see someone coming into the critical/anti tag to defend LO, specifically the gross maturity/power difference and it's implications, the blog is almost always run by a child. Like, their bio will say 14 or 15, or you can just tell that whoever wrote it is either an actual child or very immature adult. I think it's a testament to the fact that LO very quickly falls apart with any real scrutiny that someone who is immature/young and inexperienced won't apply. And it's also disheartening, because the comic is obviously appealing to a very young audience (mostly young girls), so while an adult with maturity and worldly experience will be able to discern "hey, even though this story is trying to paint such a gap in age and power as something both healthy and romantic, this isn't okay in reality", a child probably won't. It makes me angry with RS and honestly a little sad when I see a comment from a young girl saying that Hades is "goals" or that "Persephone is an adult so it's a-okay". I just have to hope that they have other influences, so if a predatory person comes around trying to be "their Hades", they won't think it's okay.

Not condescending, but definitely concerning. And I say this as someone who's been chronically online since age 14, sometimes the adults around you do have a point when they say "be careful on the Internet". It's not meant to be condescending, it's not meant to be putting anyone down for their age, it's just the reality - there are a lot of shitty things advertised to younger audiences that really shouldn't be consumed by younger audiences. Especially when it comes to things that are easily internalized (like romance, relationship dynamics, etc.)

It's why I've gone on about how LO is basically morally bankrupt at this point, along with many other comics in the romance genre on Webtoons - so many of them are problematic, promote unhealthy relationship dynamics, put a lot of emphasis on normalizing otherwise shitty people and attitudes, and outright objectify women in a very fetishizing if not often sexist way.

Unfortunately WT has figured out that these sorts of stories sell to their main demographic - because their main demographic are made up of literal children who don't know better, and emotionally immature adults who never LEARNED better. It's not a problem that's exclusive to romance webtoons, nor is it one that's solely on RS' shoulders, but it's definitely one Webtoons and RS themselves have capitalized on in a very manipulative way.

It also doesn't help that when you go back far enough in RS' art history, you can see there's a very obvious pattern of her fetishizing innocence and youthfulness, particularly in girls and "little girl" relationship roles (see: she read Lolita and clearly completely missed the point of what it was trying to say). Not enough for me to outright call her a p*dophile, but still enough to make me raise some eyebrows and wonder why she hasn't been called out for it in a more extreme way. I guarantee you if a man were writing this comic, it would have been crucified for its bullshit years ago. Her being a woman doesn't mean her work is automatically less prone to sexism or misogyny or the male gaze than what it would be if the genders were reversed. And I say that as an AFAB creator.

TL ; DR: no, I'm not surprised in the slightest that most of the people defending all the weird and gross infantilization and fetishization crap in LO are literally children. They don't know better, and it's technically not their job to know better because they're children, it's the responsibility of creators like RS to look at themselves in the mirror and ask themselves what the actual fuck they're doing. Unfortunately if the creator herself has internalized and normalized creepy and gross relationship "goals" like this for herself, she's not gonna see the glaring issues in peddling it to children.

[sarah-cam]

And when we hear “Guilty as Sin” in one of the scenes between Belly and Conrad at the beach house when she’s supposed to be engaged to Jeremiah but is having all the feelings for Conrad, then what? Like, that song is Belly!

My boredom's bone deep

This cage was once just fine

Am I allowed to cry?

(…)

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh what a way to die

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss

How I long for our trysts

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

(…)

I keep these longings locked

In lowercase inside a vault

Someone told me

There's no such thing as bad thoughts

Only your actions talk

(…)

What if I roll the stone away?

They're gonna crucify me anyway

What if the way you hold me

Is actually what's holy?

If long suffering propriety

Is what they want from me

They don't know how you've haunted me

So stunningly

I choose you and me

... Religiously

Jenny! YOU HAVE ONE JOB!

belly laying in bed with jeremy then opening her eyes to conrad and hearing 🎶what if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh only in my miiiinnnndddd🎶 would go SO hard

[the-sand-guardian]

Still Feel - Generation Loss

After the events of Generation Loss, you'd think The Hero would have finally passed on and been set free from their torment, letting Showfall hungrily search for more entertainment. However, by some miracle, the box doesn't kill him, at least not yet...

Word count: 1199

Also up on ao3, being turned into a full fic.

CW/TW// Graphic depictions of violence, major character death, blood, extreme injury, described gore, and ofc GenLoss Spoilers

The screaming stopped as the box slammed shut around Ranboo's head. Immediately, a rush of heat covered their face alongside an agonizing pain. 

Pain. Something real, something tangible they could hold onto. Hetch's voice had long quieted, but the nearly crucified boy remained where he was, too exhausted to try and break free anymore, just waiting on the relief they hoped death would bring. Their breaths were shallow as what they could only assume to be blood dripped down their neck. The raw taste of iron filled their mouth, but even that gave them something to focus on other than the burning zones of his face. 

After what felt like an eternity, the sound of footsteps drew close, though not the mechanically synced steps of the employees of Showfall, they were nearly frantic. Two could easily be made out, as well as a voice.

"They have to be this way, this is where they took them, I know!" The voice of Charlie shook as it drew closer, only for a small sob to push its way from him. Though he couldn't even eb sure that what he was hearing was real, Ranboo tried to focus on his friend's voice, just praying that the second set of footsteps would be a police officer or EMT. "He's gotta be hurt, please-" The voice sounded closer now. 

"Charlie- Charlie wait-" Both footsteps stopped. Sneeg. "Look at me for a second. What are you gonna do if we get here and they're..?" 

A sniffle could barely be made out before Charlie spoke again. "He's not! He can't be! If we keep going, we're gonna find him, Sneeg!" He insisted, one set of footsteps starting back up again. "The longer we wait, the more likely that is, so please, for the love of god move!" He pleaded, and, after a moment, both erratic sets of footsteps picked back up. 

Ranboo drew in a breath and tried to yell, but the pain that coursed through his entire face stopped him before he was able to push sound out. They weakly kicked back at the wall they were attached to, hoping to make some sound that could draw the others to him. A dull tapping noise was all that came from it. Finally, the footsteps stopped and a hand found his before the wires around that wrist began to loosen and burn his skin. They fell forward a bit, completely unable to hold themself up.

"Sneeg, help me!" Charlie's voice shook as he pushed up Ranboo's shoulder and tried to loosen the other wrist. 

"Charlie, he's gone," Sneeg said quietly. "He probably bled out an hour ago, there's no way he survived whatever this is." 

"You don't know that! Now shut up and help me get him down!" Charlie had begun to cry, if he hadn't been already. Ranboo tried to lean back or do anything they could to help or show that they were alive, though it wasn't much. 

Pushing past everything their body was screaming at them, they forced an "I'm alive" past their surely destroyed lips. Immediately, a second pair of hands helped to hold him up while the other freed him. He was gently lowered to the ground and laid on his back. They let out a pained whine as the spikes within the box slowly slid from the perforations they had made in his face.

An odd squeaking sound came from the outside of the box, as though one of the two men were trying to pry it open. "Ranboo, how do we get this thing open?" The awful sound continued for a moment as Charlie pried at it. 

"Don't know," They managed out. Their head was lifted a bit as Charlie tried to open it from underneath. Though Ranboo couldn't see it, the box opened just enough for his friends to wrench it open after a few attempts. 

"Holy shit-" Sneeg let out quietly upon seeing both the damage and the contraption. "We have to get you out of here, fast" Now Sneeg's voice shook, a welcome break from the apathetic tone they had been acquainted with thus far. They were hoisted up quickly and had their arms draped over either of his friends' shoulders. Each took a hand and tried to stabilize him. 

"We're gonna get you out of here, Ranboo," Charlie spoke through his own tears. "We're all gonna get out." He spoke less as though he believed it and moreso like he was trying to comfort the young man dying between them. Tears flowed freely from their now useless eyes, stinging as they rolled down his bloody face. He could only imagine the state his friends must be in.

-----

By some miracle, they had made it. The warmth of the sun bathed all three in its divine graces and both of Ranboo's friends had let out a cry of relief- no, of triumph. It wasn't long before they found help and were swarmed my the wailing of ambulances. The awful sound hurt Ranboo's ears tremendously, but at least they were free. Really, truly free. They strapped him down onto a stretcher and loaded him up, though Charlie's begging to go with him now mixed with all the sounds swirling around Ranboo and making him feel a bit ill. They must have relented and let Charlie come along, as he spoke to Ranboo the whole time he was being patched up. He explained what he could see, and what little he knew from the police so far. Apparently, by the time they got there, the mall was completely empty, save for a small memorial to the Puzzler and the control room. 

Charlie and Sneeg were in much better condition than he was. Charlie needed a few sets of stitches from Security but Sneeg has come out mostly unscathed. Both paid him visits whenever they were allowed, which Ranboo appreciated greatly. They had entirely lost their vision as their eyes were too damaged to be saved and most of their sense of smell was gone too. After a few emergency surgeries, they had him able to speak and eat properly again for the most part. After an eternity in the hospital, they discharged Ranboo. Through a series of elaborate lies, Charlie and Sneeg convinced the hospital staff they were brothers and had brought him back to a cabin they had been fixing up when they couldn't be with Ranboo. 

It was only a few weeks before what the hospital had said began to come true. Though they refused to tell Ranboo, there was really no way he was going to live too long outside of constant care. Charlie and Sneeg tried their best, of course, but sickness and the severity of his injuries had taken its hold and the boy was dying. At night, he spoke to himself in hushed whispers, and every morning woke up in a cold sweat. Until one day, he didn't. 

It hit Charlie much harder than it hit Sneeg. Though both men were heavily affected, their home felt so much emptier without the friend they had come to know as their brother. Both took some comfort in knowing that finally his pain had ceased.