#THE WASTED YEARS THE WASTED YOUTH

[octahyde]

I wish I wasn’t such a narcissist I wish I didn’t really kiss The mirror when I’m on my own Oh god

I’m gonna

DIE ALONE

[litourgya]

Nothing will ever go as hard as teen idle by miss Marina Diamandis..

[carlosdevilz]

thinking...

[marzipanandminutiae]

me, fuming that my mother wouldn't let me wear long skirts or grow my hair much past shoulder-length until my mid-teens but also aware that that WAS how things often went in the late 19th century, wherein I now get most of my aesthetic inspiration:

[howifeltabouthim]

What part of my life was I in? Had the prime of it been used up?

Rachel Khong, from Real Americans

[pearlpleultraviolence]

I wish life was as simply frustrating as it was when I was 14. Through the chaos of it and all, I would cherish the girl I was, the memories I lost and the feeling of that pain I would never get back.

[uwkhj]

it’s my 18th birthday…i have done nothing with my life. it’s surreal to finally turn 18 when i thought i wouldn’t even reach 16. i’m trying to view this as a good thing, a new chapter in my life, but it’s hard to ignore the weight of the dread resting in my stomach.

[littencloud9]

kunichuu is SO marina coded btw

[stellewriites]

fuck me.. work tonight was so draining like i suddenly remember why i moved into admin a few years ago now. let me never complain about my job again

[liverpool-enjoyer]

the wasted potential feelings are hitting SO ESPECIALLY hard tonight i need to go to sleep

[stargirlbryce]

Phone addiction and depression is not a good combo

[wild-at-mind]

Today's events and the past few months of bullshit have made me feel so rejected from my local LGBTQ community.

[eddis-not-eeddis]

.

[howifeltabouthim]

I did not get to be any of those ages. I was ten and then I was thirty, and then I was thirty-seven.

Lisa Taddeo, from Animal

[starlonga]

[lonesomeandlonging]

You can only move forward

You start high school. You´re depressed. You have frequently headaches

You start college. You barely remember your high school years. You get your autism late diagnosis. You have migraines

You dropout of college for one semester. You go to doctors. You go back to college. You´re fatigued. You have chronic pain

You apply for changing your course at university. You find a medication that works for you. You jump for the first time in forever. You´re not in pain. You´re not fatigued. You finally feel like you´re your true self. You feel alive again

You look around. Your 7 years younger sister is starting high school. She was a kid just yesterday and now her 15 birthday is in 3 months. Your 10 years younger brother was 6 and now he´s starting middle school. You feel like you didn´t see them growing up. You passed most of your high school years in your bed sleeping. Now your sister is starting high school. How can she be starting high school when she is 7 years younger than you and you were just in high school? It´s been 2 years already since you finished high school. You barely feel any older than when you were 17. You don´t feel any wiser.

You didn´t see your siblings growing up. You were too busy with your bad mental health. You feel bad. You didn´t enjoy your high school years. A small part of you kinda wants to do high school again, this time the right way. You didn´t have the same experiences as your classmates. It´s not fair. You feel like you didn´t have a high school experience. You didn´t even have a teenager experience. It´s not fair

You grief. You grief your teenage years. You grief your high school years. You grief the experiences you never had. You grief not passing more time with your siblings.

You´re feeling better. You can try to make the most of the time you have now. You´re still autistic, there are still experiences you may never have. You can try to make the most of what your abilities allow.

You can´t go back. You can´t have back the wasted years. You can only move forward. You still grief your wasted years. You try to think those years were important in making you the person you are today. You still wish you had a normal adolescence. You still wish you enjoyed all your high school had to give. You still wish you didn´t spend so many time feeling fatigued. You still wish you didn´t spend so many time in phisycal pain. You can only move forward now. You still wish you passed more time with your siblings. You can only move forward now. You wish you spent more time doing your hobbies than in bed napping. You can only move forward now. You don´t even remember when was the last time you touched your viola. You can only move forward now. When was the last time you skated? You can only move forward now. Did you even draw this year? You can only move forward now

You look around. Your sister still admires you. Your brother is proud of you. You feel like you don´t deserve it. You feel like you weren´t a good older sister. They still love you. You have to move forward now. You have to spend more time with them now. You can still watch them growing now, and you will

You lost count of how many doctors appoiments you went this years. You were in pain. You were fatigued. You didn´t went to college the first semester this year. You only went to two classes in college the second semester this year while your peers were having six classes. You´re 21, you still can´t drive. You´re feeling better. You´re not in pain anymore, you´re not fatigued anymore. You´re still autistic. You still need support. You still won´t do everything your peers do. You can only make the most of what you can. You can only move forward

A new year starts soon. You´re gonna start at a new college. You might not take all the classes your peers will take, you might take longer than your peers to graduate. You can only make the most of what your abillities allow

No point in worrying about your lost teenage years. No point in remembering your high school years. No point in thinking about your time in pain. No point in anguishing over the experiences you didn´t have and the things you didn´t do. You can only try to do them now

You can only move forward