#THE REVEAL THAT IT WAS THE BAD PLACE ALL ALONG YOU GENIUS BITCHES

[blackdollette]

OH MY GOD I'M NOT SURE IF U STILL WANT CLYDE REQUESTS BUTBUTBUT!!

like, reader is a part of the little group(?) thinnggg nd reader n clyde kind oofffff don't like each other?? for some reason?? nd it's like enemies to lover's but not cuz it just ends in hate sex but not exactly HATE sex, hrmmnnrmrm.

i don't think this work's with clyde but it could maybe work with charlie toooo maybe?, anyways bye bye!! :3

ahhh! i've never gotten smth like this before im so excited!!

"the bad girl next door." | clyde

dangerous girl. - lana del rey

✮⋆˙ [tags] @faesucksass @lustkillers @mayathepsychic1999@josibunn @livingdead-materialgirl @romanroyapoligist@auggiethecreator @oliviah-25 @vanlisbon @lankysimp @livingdead-reilly@imoonkiss @lankysimp@nom-nommmm1@xxbl00d-cl0txx@k1ll3rh0rr0r@wildathevrt@mommymilkers0526

reader x clyde

word count: 1.5k

contents: enemies to lovers, public sex, protected p in v

“hey! watch it!” clyde yelled as the club’s bouncer picked him up and threw him onto the pavement outside of the establishment, another bouncer trailing behind, carrying you and throwing you right on top of him.

“fuck you!” you shouted out as the two large men walked back into the club, slamming the doors with more defiance than necessary. you heard a low groan underneath you, along with his compressed voice. “get off me, bitch.” he muttered. your eyes narrowed and you pushed his head into the rough gravel. “that’s no way to speak to me, druggie.” 

he flipped himself over, shoving you off of him and standing up as he dusted himself off. i put his hands on his hips and chewed on his lower lip, looking up at the building in front of him. you got to your feet too, shoving past him and going straight for the door.

he grabbed you by the wrist, his cold gaze making you freeze. “where the hell do you think you’re going? you just got kicked out, genius. you can’t just walk back in there like you own the place.” you rolled your eyes, snatching your wrist out of his grip. “wrong, asshole.” you opened the door, strutting right back inside the club like nothing happened, and that made clyde’s blood boil.

he hated the way you walked over everyone like you ran the town. in his eyes, you were just some entitled brat who was born with a silver spoon in your mouth. it was unusual for him to detest anyone as much as he did you, but what could you say? you were special. and besides, you didn’t like him either. he was brought up by a wealthy family and he threw it all away to pursue a life of freedom and all that other bullshit. you would’ve killed to have a life like his and he didn’t even want it. now that got under your skin.

you waltzed back into the club, sitting down at a stool with the rest of your friends, but the tension thickened as clyde walked up right behind you, sitting a few seats away from you, a raging fire burning in his eyes. for such a “chill” guy, you had no idea how you got him so riled up without even trying.

he flipped you off, ticking you off once again. you stood up, preparing to give you a piece of you mind for the umpteenth time that night until a waiter holding a tray of champagne came out of no where and knocked into you, causing more commotion than you thought was necessary. but it was so damn embarrassing, and you could’ve sworn you heard clyde laugh.

and that’s how you ended up here, in the club’s kitchen washing dishes as punishment for all the trouble you caused. and to make matter’s worse, clyde was there too. since he’d already been kicked out, the owner believed that it would be more than appropriate to have two young delinquents wash dishes during rush hour. and it was all clyde’s fault.

“you missed a spot.” he remarked snidely. you shot him a glare as you scrubbed on a wine glass. like the whore he was, he had stripped down to his tank top, revealing biceps that were more defined than you would ever expect. you looked away from him, trying to avoid any unnecessary interaction with him. you aggressively tried to wash a stain off of the glass, but it wouldn’t budge.

clyde saw you struggling and snuck up behind you, snaking his arms underneath yours and washing the glass with much more care. “you do it like this, you animal.”

you snatched it back from him, placing it on the drying rack and speaking lowly.“you should seriously just leave me alone. i swear it’s like you’re obsessed with me or something.” clyde sneered. “and you should adjust that bra.” your cheeks immediately flushed as you looked down, your tank top having slipped low enough to reveal an unholy amount of cleavage.

you swallowed hard, pulling up your top a little, making your tits bounce slightly. your face burned with a strange attraction bubbling in your gut. clyde leaned on the counter, picking at his fingernails. seeing him in this light was strange. his usually drunk-looking eyes seemed so much livelier. his hair didn’t look as greasy and he had the appearance of effortless attractiveness that most men strived for.

you were never able to deny the “crush” you’d had on him, but you could mask how you went about showing it. so all you could do was long for the day he would pick up on your painfully obvious signs.

“fuckin’ perv…” you muttered under your breath. clyde didn’t say anything to that, but he got up real close to you, making you back away until you were against the cold marble wall. his eyes narrowed, the sexual tension between you two growing to an almost unbearable point.

“i’m a lot of things you fucking brat,” he stuck his pointer finger into your face, “but i will not take such a nasty attitude from a horny bitch like you.” that had done it. your body began to tremble from his condescending stare, and you couldn’t hold yourself back for another second.

you pressed your lips into his, kissing him so hard that his heart nearly stopped. he let out a deep groan from the contact, his hands immediately finding your waist and gripping it firmly. he picked you up, letting your legs wrap around his waist as he set you on the counter, frantically undoing his belt without moving his lips from yours for even a second.

in a matter of seconds, his erect cock sprung out of his pants, slapping your inner thigh and making you shiver. he pulled away from the kiss, panting as he desperately went to remove your shirt. he’d been dying to see your knockers for a long time now, and nothing was holding him back anymore.

he unclasped your bra, letting it fall to the ground and admiring the sight before him. this whole thing would be sweet if his other hand wasn’t digging into your ass, surely drawing blood. but you didn’t care. he spread your legs apart, slipping your panties to the side before spitting on his fingers and roughly shoving them into your tight hole, making a loud moan erupt from your core.

he fingered you with one hand, using the other to whip out a condom from the depths of his pocket and tearing it open with his teeth, turning you on a lot more than that simple action should’ve.

he teased your hole a little more, your sweet, gentle noises softening his heart as he rolled on the condom. he pulled his fingers out of you, looking you deeply in the eyes. “alright, i’m gonna fuck you now, okay? if you feel like chickening out, whine or something like you always do.” he smirked a little before pumping his cock a few times, pushing it in.

you screamed out as he slowly took you inch by inch, your arms wrapping around his neck. there was nothing slow and steady about this. it was heated and rough, his nails digging into your thigh as he began pounding into you, abusing your already-sore little hole.

you put your head in the crook of his neck, biting his shoulder blade as you felt his dick rearranging your guts. you were holding back tears. you had always given him the impression that you could take any dick, no matter the size. but you were quickly doubting your own capabilities.

he rolled his hips into yours, making your irises flip to the back of your head from the ecstatic feeling. he explored your tight, gummy walls, letting out raspy groans as he picked up the pace.

the sound of skin slapping together filled the room, the noise echoing off the polished walls as the screams and cheers from the main club got louder. you couldn’t believe you were doing this, getting your hole banged by the very man you couldn’t stand to be around for more than 2 minutes.

his thumbs reached for your puffy clit, rubbing quick circles onto it and using your cum as lubricant. your screamed, tossing your head back as he brought his lips to your tits and started swirling his tongue around your hard nipples. you were about 2 seconds over the edge, but you didn’t want to seem like a total virgin. however, your stamina ran short as you sobbed out, “c-clyde, i’m so clo-” you were cut off by a whimper that surely tore through the walls of the kitchen. your head fell back, and you felt the condom inside you swell as he filled it up with his hot, sticky cum.

he panted like a starved dog, leaning against the wall for support as he slipped off the condom, tucking his softening dick back into his pants. he caught a glimpse of you pouting as he put it away, so he threw the full condom at you, it landing right on your nose.  you swatted it off, laughing as you slapped him on the chest. “fuck you, you dick.” he lightly shoved you away from him, grinning. “gladly.”

author's note: my fics have been way too long lately smh.

[bifairywife]

plot twist executed so good it might as well have come to life from my screen and reached out to violently grab me by my neck then twisted it

[shurisneakers]

harmless (iv)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, guns, mention of war, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader

Word count: 1.5k

A/N: good evening i’ve never been to any of the places i mention in this series so dont come @ me

if you have any ideas for future inventions/evil plans, lemme know! i might actually end up using them 

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Series Masterlist

He spends the weekend doing nothing. It’s supposed to be relaxing. He finds it nauseatingly boring.

“No mini mission this week?” Steve asks him from across the couch. 

They’re supposed to be catching up on Star Wars but two prequels in and Bucky could feel himself lose his sanity. Anyone could present him with a random assortment of alphabets, call it a Star Wars species and he would have no reason not to believe them.

It’s not like he doesn’t like space. It’s just that he’s had enough of it and everything and everyone who came from it for the foreseeable future.

“No. Someone else is taking care of it.”

“Didn’t you volunteer for this?”

“I pulled myself out of the case.”

“I thought you were having fun.” 

Bucky’s head slowly turns to look at him. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know,” Steve shrugged. “Looked like you were.”

Well, he wasn’t. He likes it here at home, glued to the TV. Popcorn beside him, sweatpants on. Refreshing, calming, slow, mundane, and Jesus Christ, so fucking boring-

His spiralling is interrupted by the dinging of the elevator to the common floor. No one was allowed up there unless it was extremely urgent. Guests were barely allowed into the Tower as it was. 

It reveals the receptionist from downstairs, Marie. She’s always a little reserved, a little shy. But Bucky had seen her chew and spit out trespassers or anyone who dared to get on her nerve. He adores her.

“Hey, Marie,” Steve says while Bucky sends her a friendly wave in greeting. “What’s wrong?”

“There’s a hostage situation downtown,” she informs them. 

“Okay...” Steve drawls, waiting for a reason why this was an Avengers level threat.

“They’ve asked for Mr. Barnes by name.” She makes a mention towards him.

Bucky sits up straight. Bits of popcorn fall off his chest. 

“What?”

“They said, and I quote-” she looks down at her notepad. “‘Tell that grumpy motherfucker that I’m waiting for him and that he’s not getting out of this so easily because we have come too far.’ End quote. They’ve also told me to include a kissing emoji. And a skull.”

Steve and he look at each other.

“Well?” Steve prods. 

Bucky sighs and gets up to go get ready.

The entrance of Chuck E. Cheese is more crowded than he’d ever seen. He wasn’t even sure he’d seen people in the store before. If there were, they probably only came up till his waist. 

There are a few journalists, a few policemen standing together outside. Whispers of confusion and curiosity reigned free. 

Bucky gently pushes his way to the front. He gets a nod from a police officer who opens the door for him after a quick briefing. 

The place is darker than it usually would be. A trademark, it seemed. The blinds are drawn shut and most of the light is coming through whatever sneaks in through the crack. 

“Hey, Barnes.” Your voice is muffled by a mask that looks suspiciously like it was made out of classroom craft supplies.

There’s a person in a loose chokehold in your hand with a gun pressed against his head. Once again it looks straight out of a cartoon, purple with round disks lining its barrel. 

“What’s all this now?” He gestures around monotonously. 

“A hostage situation. Didn’t you get the memo?”

“Got that part down, genius,” he bites back. “But why?”

“Fucker kept harassing me when I was walkin’ down the street.” 

The guy’s helpless gaze met Bucky. 

“Catcalling me, stalking me.” You tighten the grip you have on him. “Call me darlin’ one more time, you son of a bitch. I dare you.”

He wasn’t impressed with his pleading eyes. He kinda felt like he deserved it. 

“Why’d you do it here?” The bright colours were starting to give him a heading. “And where are the staff?”

“It’s symbolic, Bucky,” you emphasise, “He deserves to be among other rat bastards.”

Of course.

“The staff?” he asks again. 

“Gave them thirty bucks and told them to leave. I’m not a monster.”

“Right.” He doesn’t bother refuting you. “Why’d you call me here?”

“Dunno.” You shrug. “Thought it’d be fun. You having fun yet?”

You shake the guy you’re holding. He gives a small whimper. 

Bucky doesn’t want to stop you. He had chugged enough Respect Juice in his lifetime to know that this guy probably deserved a threat or two.

Hell, he’d even help but you were more than capable of handling this on your own.

“Listen,” he sighed. “As much as I’m sure he deserves it, this is technically illegal and I’m required to stop you.”

“Sorry sarge, I thought you weren’t interested in playing this stupid game with me,” you mock, voice dropping to imitate him.

“I’m not.” It wasn’t entirely true. One Saturday with Jar Jar Binks had convinced him otherwise.

“Okay, so before you leave, do me a favour and call Hawkeye. I hear he looks mighty fine when he’s annoyed.”

His face involuntarily scrunched up. You were going to replace him with Clint? Clint?

He probably took it more as an insult than he should have.

“I’m not doing that.” Bless his foul mouthed friend, but he was a little shit who was too sarcastic for his own good. At least twice a week he’d say something stupid to Bucky and then take out his hearing aids when he tried to argue back. 

“You’re leavin’ me with no options here,” you groaned, using your thumb to flip a switch. The gun looks like it powered up, lights along the side turning red.

If he let you have this, it’d be a bad look for the Avengers.

New York man dies in Chuck E. Cheese lone hostage situation, unable to be saved by same superhero who tried to fight Thanos with a machine gun.

“Tell ya what,” he says instead, “If you kill him, there won’t even be a slight chance that you’ll see me again.”

Your grip on the gun falters.

“If I let him go...”

“I might consider coming back next week.” He’s trying to spin it, make it look like he’s the one with the upper hand here. “But you gotta let him go.”

You search his face for any signs of dishonesty.

“Let him go or you’ll never see me again.” It sounds too much like Clint’s arguments with his dog who brought a live squirrel into the house. 

“Fine,” you relent, a glint in your eye. “but say goodbye to this fuckface.”

Before Bucky can open his mouth to shout in protest, you pull the trigger. The man clenches his eyes shut, face red.

He expects blood to be splatter across his face.

Nothing happens.

A barrage of bubbles floats into the room.

“I meant it literally,” you say, pushing him off you. “Say goodbye. He’s leaving.”

The man stumbles to the ground and Bucky doesn’t make any attempt to catch him. He scrambles to his knees, picking himself up and scurrying out the door to a hoard of reporters.

The door shuts behind him with the chime of a bell.

“You’re annoying,” Bucky states, giving a small sigh.

“I’m well aware of that.” You pull off the mask, wiping the sweat off your brow.

“Where is the agent assigned to your case?” 

“Dunno. Last I saw he was crying on the driveway of my lair. I just figured he’d pick himself up later so I left him there.”

Bucky’s nose twitches. 

“You weren’t actually going to kill him, were you.” He shrugs with his shoulder towards the door. It wasn’t a question, more a statement. He knew you wouldn’t. 

“I could have.”

“But you weren’t going to,” he repeats. 

“No,” you admit. “I wasn’t. But I’m glad to see you showed up.”

“You held someone hostage as leverage.”

“No, no. I held someone hostage and then asked to see you. They were completely unrelated.”

“You’re evil.”

“You jumped to conclusions,” you point out. “Would you like a trampoline next time? Maybe a pogo stick, you clown?”

He has a very real gun in his holster. His very real metal death arm aches to use it. 

“No one else agreed to come,” he deflects. 

“We both know that’s a lie. You were going to come back anyway.” You stuff the bubble gun back into the bag. “I’m deliciously irresistible.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Then beg.” You give him a smirk and he rolls his eyes. “Don’t worry, you win this round, sarge.”

He doesn’t say anything. He watches you remove your heist gear, revealing normal civilian clothes underneath.

You walk casually to the kitchen, intending to leave through the back door.

“But I can’t say I lost either.” You send him a wink before swiftly pushing open the door and leaving him behind.

He only watches you leave.

It doesn’t hit him until a few seconds later that he let a criminal out of his hands when there were several policemen and journalists outside.

He entertains the idea of chasing you down and handing you over. 

It takes him only a few seconds to decide that if they wanted you, they’d have to try themselves.

Next part 

[randomdancingwhore]

House Bunny -  Zemo/Sam/Bucky x Bimbo! Reader Headcanons.

Summary: To the guys, it’s a mission. To Y/N, it’s a roadtrip and you just want to have fun.

Warnings: Kissing and female hypersexualization. Reader is an airhead. No beta read.

Notes: Reader is based on 90′s/00′s pop culture bimbo’s.

Steve trusted you, so Sam and Bucky brought you along.

You being a nuisance to them and Zemo loving it.

The guys constantly having to worry about you wandering off. “I’m not going to wander off with like total rando’s” *Proceeds to wander off with total rando*

Not having any idea about combat and military lingo and being surrounded by military vets. “We need to stay on the targets 6 but hangfire and stay moving like pond water until I give the OK to flank them, otherwise we’ll have a real Fugazi on our hands”- “Are we speaking Sokovian because Zemo’s here now?” *Y/N patiently waits for answer* 

Taking pictures for Instagram at inconvenient times and places. “Omg! Who knew Madripoor was this cute. Quick, take a picture of me in front of these super edgy dudes!” “Those are hardened criminals, Y/N” “Ugh, that’s so authentic” *pouty face. Snaps pic*

Flirting with strangers shamelessly. “You’re like so hot. Did you know you’re like so hot?”

Tweeting everything, and I mean everything. “How did you find us, Walker?” Sam says. “I checked Y/N’s Twitter” *Y/N shrugs*

Dressing inappropriately for every occasion. Short skirts, tight dresses, whole cleavage-revealing tops, you name it. “Aren’t those heels a little too high for a fight, Y/N”-“If I can feel my feet after three hours, then I don’t want them”- “The shoes or your feet?!” Bucky exclaims, genuinely concerned.

Shopping until you drop with Zemo’s money. “I literally need this bracelet, or I’ll die, like literally” The bracelet is $14000.

Touching up your makeup at random times. *Walker going off about being Captain America* *Y/N applying a fresh coat of lip gloss and smacking her lips loudly*

Pretending to be Zemo’s date in Madripoor and getting too into it. Kissing up on him all night. Sam and Bucky weren’t amused, but that doesn’t stop you. “Are you always this excitable, miláčik?” *Y/N flips hair playfully*

Blabbering to Bucky about things he doesn’t care about while he broods. “-he was acting like such a bitch, you know, but of course, I couldn’t tell him that, he’s the director of SHIELD after all. Well, anyway, so...”

Sam teaching you basic things you should have known. “Okay, so you kick off the ground and just keep peddling”- “but what if I like fall? Bicycles are too hard. I could just call a cab” *Sam sighs*

Destroying tense moments. *Sam, Bucky and Zemo stare at each other in silence after an intense argument* *Y/N bursts in* “You guys wouldn’t believe how cute the guy I just met was. His ass was like everything.”

Getting botox in Riga because you’re scared that all the running will make your face sag. You can’t show facial expressions for a few days, and the guys find it hilarious. “I think she’s crying,” Sam laughs. “No, she’s trying to smile,” Bucky counters. “She’s obviously trying to express pain,” Zemo jokes. “You guys! This isn’t funny,” You complain.

Getting close to Zemo and Bucky and Sam thinking he’s manipulating you. “He’s going to use you”-“That’s way harsh, guys. I swear he’s not that bad”

Zemo planning to manipulate you but not going through with it after he gets to know you. *Zemo laughs to himself as he watches you try to make sense of the first page of The Pride and The Prejudice* “This makes like zero sense. Can you read it to me?”

People regularly dismissing you.

Actually being a tech super genius. Like Stephen Hawking but with computers.

Being an advocate for human rights. Karli tries to recruit you because of your views, but you stay loyal to Sam.

You’re absolutely adorable.

Being the mediator for everyone.

The guys worrying about you but coming to know that you are just as capable as they are.

Thanks for reading. Please leave feedback, like and reblog if you want. As a self-diagnosed bimbo this came from my heart so please tell your friends about it✨

[jayoctodot]

The Silent Patient vs The Maidens

I will start by saying that I understand the appeal of these novels as page-turners. They are easy to read and if you want a twisty reveal at the end, you will probably be entertained and satisfied. That being said, I am SO CONFUSED by the near-universal adoration of The Silent Patient and the reasonably positive reception of The Maidens. The weaknesses of the two are strikingly similar, as well, which doesn’t give me much hope of seeing improvement from this guy, though I am intrigued to see whether he keeps repeating the same (apparently successful!!) patterns. These books were at least super fun to hate.

(For context, I read The Maidens for a bookclub I'm in, because several of the members had read and loved The Silent Patient, and one of them gave me a copy of the latter to read on my own time. I loathed The Maidens and then read The SP for comparative purposes. And because I'm a masochist, apparently.)

SPOILER WARNING! Do not read on unless you've finished both books (or unless you care not for spoilers). Sorry if it gets a bit shouty.

Here are the similar weaknesses I noticed in both:

PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGY

-> Weirdly similar “group therapy” scenes early on where a cartoonishly unstable patient arrives late, disrupts the meeting by throwing something into the middle of the circle, and is asked to join the group after the therapist(s) speechify on the importance of boundaries (HA! None of these therapists would know an appropriate boundary if it kicked them in the ass) and debate whether to “allow” the patient to join. Both scenes are so transparent in their design to establish the credibility/legitimacy of the narrators as therapists, but instead both Theo and Mariana come off as super patronizing. The protagonists are less and less believable as therapists at the stories progress (though at least Theo’s incompetence is explained away by the “twist” at the end; Mariana, on the other hand, is confronted in the opening pages of the novel by a patient who has self-harmed PRETTY extensively, and rather than ensure he get proper medical attention, she essentially throws him a first aid kit and tosses him out the door so she can pour herself a glass of wine and call her niece... and it devolves from there).

-> Ongoing insistence throughout the narrative that one’s childhood trauma entirely explains the warped/dysfunctional way a character behaves or views the world, which is why the books go out of their way to give EVERY potentially violent character a traumatic childhood; when Theo insists that no one ever became an abuser who hadn’t been abused themselves, I wanted to throw the book across the room. (That is a MYTH, SIR. GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGY.)

-> Female murderers whose pathology boils down to “history of depression” and “traumatized by a male loved one/family member.” Because, as we all know, depression + abuse = murderer!

-> The “therapy” depicted in both books is laughable and so so unrealistic, mostly because neither narrators function as therapists so much as incompetent detectives, obsessively pursuing a case they have no place pursuing (or skill to pursue - both just happen across every clue mostly by way of clunky conversation with all the people who can provide precisely the snippet of info to send them along to the next person, and the next… until all is revealed in a tired, cliched “twist”). Their constant Psych 101 asides were so tiresome and weirdly dated (also, the constant harping on countertransference got so ridiculous that at one point during "therapy" Theo literally attributes his headache and a particular emotion he feels to Alicia, as though the contents of her head are being broadcast directly into his mind... and I'm PRETTY SURE that's not how it works???)

CHARACTERS

-> Psychotherapist narrators with abusive fathers and pretensions of being Sherlock Holmes, which results in both characters crossing ALL KINDS of ethical lines as they invade the personal lives of everyone even tangentially connected to their cases (and, in Theo's case, violate all kinds of patient confidentiality. Yeah, yeah, by the end, that's the least of his offenses, but before you get there, it's baffling that NO ONE is calling him out on this).

-> All female characters are either elderly with hilariously bad advice, monstrous hulking brutes, or beautiful bitches (except for ~MARIANA~, who is Bella Swan-esque in her unawareness of her own attractiveness, despite multiple men trying to get with her almost immediately after meeting her. I'm so tired of beautiful female characters being oblivious to their own hotness. Are we meant to believe all mirrors and male attention have escaped their notice? If it’s to make them “relatable,” this tactic really fails with me).

-> All characters of color are shallow, cartoonish side characters, and most of them are depicted as unsympathetic minor antagonists (the Sikh Chief Inspector in The Maidens continuously drinks tea from an ever-present thermos, and his only other notable characteristic is his instant dislike of Mariana, whom he VERY RIGHTLY warns to stay out of the investigation that she is VERY MUCH compromising… the Caribbean manager of the Grove is universally disliked by her staff for enforcing stricter safety regulations at the bafflingly poorly run mental institution, because HOW DARE SHE. There's a very clear vibe that we're supposed to dislike these characters and share the protagonists' indignation, but honestly Sangha/Stephanie were completely in the right for trying to shut down their wildly inappropriate investigations).

-> "Working class" characters (or basically anyone excluded from the comfortably upper-crust, educated main cadre of characters) are few and far between in both stories, but when they show up, he depicts them as such caricatures. We got Elsie the pathologically lying housekeeper in the Maidens, who is enticed to share her bullshit with cake, and then a TOOTHLESS LEPRECHAUN DEALING DRUGS UNDER A BRIDGE in the SP. I kid you not, a man described as having the body of a child, the face of Father Time, and no front teeth, emerges from beneath a bridge and offers to sell Theo some "grass." I was dyinggg.

-> There are no characters to root for. Anywhere. Partly because they’re all so thinly drawn — and because we’re clearly supposed to view almost ALL of them as potential suspects, so they’re ALL weird, creepy, or incompetent in some way.

-> The flimsiest of flimsy motives, both for the narrators and the murderers. Theo fully would have gotten away with his involvement in the murder if he hadn't gone out of his way to work at the Grove and "treat" Alicia and his justification for doing so is pretty weak; his rapid descent into stalking and murder fantasy and his random ass decision to "expose" Alicia's husband as a cheater with a spur-of-the-moment home invasion and staged attempted homicide is ONLY justified if the reader hand waves it away as WELP, HE'S CRAZY, I GUESS (after all, he DID have an abusive father and a history of mental illness, and in Michaelides novels, that's ALL YOU NEED to become a violent psycho). I guess we're lucky Mariana didn't also start dropping bodies (because the logic of his fictional universe says she should definitely be a murderer by now... maybe that'll be his Maidens sequel?). But she especially had NO reason to randomly turn detective - and she kept trying to justify it by saying she needed to re-enter the world or that Sebastian would want her to (??), even though she had no background in criminal psychology... or even a particular fondness for mysteries (really, I would've accepted ANYTHING to explain her dogged obsession with the case. WHY were Sebastian and Zoe so certain she would insert herself into the investigation just because one of Zoe's friends was the first victim? WHY?). As for Zoe and Alicia, their motives are mere suggestions: they were both abused and manipulated, and voila! Slippery slope to murder.

WRITING STYLE

-> Incessant allusions to Greek tragedy and myth, apparently to provide a sophisticated gloss over the bare-bones writing style, which opts more for telling than showing and frequently indulges in hilariously bizarre analogies. Credit where credit is due — the references to Greek myth are less clunky in the SP, and I liked learning about the Alcestis play/myth, which I hadn’t heard of before - but OMG the entire characterization of Fosca, who we are meant to believe is a professor of Greek tragedy at one of the most respected universities on the planet, is just absurd. His "lecture" on the liminal in Greek tragedy is essentially the Wikipedia page on the Eleusinian Mysteries capped off with some Hallmark-card carpe diem crap. The lecture hall responds with raucous applause, clearly never having heard such vague genius bullshit before.

-> Super clunky and amateurish narrative device of interludes written by another character; Sebastian’s letter reads like a mashup of Dexter monologues and Clarice’s memory of the screaming sheep, but by FAR the worse offender is Alicia’s diary, where we’re supposed to believe she painstakingly recorded ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS, BEAT-BY-BEAT DIALOGUE, even when she’s just been DRUGGED TO THE GILLS with morphine and has mere moments of consciousness left… and even before that, she literally takes the time to write “He's trying the windows and doors! ...Someone’s inside! Someone’s inside the house! ETC ETC” when she thinks her stalker has broken in downstairs. WHO DOES THAT?)

-> Speaking of dialogue, the dialogue is so bad. Based on his bio, Michaelides got a degree in screenwriting, which makes his terrible dialogue even more baffling.

-> HILARIOUSLY rendered voyeur scenes where the narrators spy on couples having sex. Such unintentionally awkward descriptions. First we had Kathy’s climax sounds through the trees and then the bowler hat carefully placed on a tombstone before the gatekeeper plows a student. Again, I died.

PLOT/"TWIST"

-> The CONSTANT red herrings make for such an exhausting read. Michaelides drops anvils with almost every character that are so obviously meant to designate them as suspects in our minds. There is absolutely no subtlety in his misdirections.

-> The “crossover” scene between the SP and The Maidens makes no sense - when in the timeline does Mariana’s story overlap with Theo’s? They confer just before Theo starts working at the Grove, obviously (though Mariana appears to be the one who alerts Theo to the job opening there? Whereas in the SP, Theo has been obsessively tracking Alicia since the murder and had already planned to apply to work there?), but then are we supposed to believe that while Theo has been psychotically pursuing his warped quest to “help” Alicia, he’s also been diligently treating Zoe, so invested in her case that he repeatedly reaches out to Mariana to get her to visit Zoe and even writes Mariana a lengthy letter to convince her to do so??? And then a couple days after The Maidens ends, Theo is arrested???

-> But the thing I really did hate the most is how Michaelides treats his female murderers (who are both also victims themselves) as mere means to deploy a “twist”; there’s no moment spared to encourage our sympathy for Zoe, who was groomed and manipulated by the only trusted father figure in her life, and even after spending a decent amount of time getting to know Alicia via her ridiculous diary, where it’s so apparent that she’s been demeaned, objectified, manipulated, gaslit, and/or used by EVERY man in her life, she’s sent packing to spend the rest of her days in a coma… HOW much more satisfying would it have been for her to succeed in exposing Theo and reclaiming her voice? But no, she basically rolls over when he comes to finish her off (SPEAKING OF — ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THERE ARE NO SECURITY CAMERAS IN THIS INSTITUTE FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE????), writes one last diary entry, and drifts off forever. And then a couple pages of nothing later, the story is over. GOODNIGHT, ALICIA!

Both books kept me rolling throughout (by which I mean eye-rolling but also rotfl). Maybe I will check out his next effort — I’m morbidly curious what he’ll turn out. It does leave me wondering whether I should give up on thriller novels entirely, though. Are many of the weaknesses of these novels just characteristic of the genre? Maybe I'm just holding these books to unfair standards? I'm mostly only familiar with thriller films — many of which I think are amazing — but maybe you can get away with more in a film than you can in a novel.

...I really only intended to write a handful of bullet points, but more and more kept coming to mind as I wrote, to the point where subheadings became necessary. Whoopsie.

[meyeselph]

Gwenpool: Desperate Misanthrope's Confused Angst

Showtime

Ms. Pool woke up in a familiar room. Not in Krakoa - there are no mutants around. This isn’t a story about that. Look, honestly, without an actual Gwenpool series and the constant breaks in her comics appearance I can’t even begin to give a fuck. I cancelled my marvel universe subbie. I might get back to my stories but single issues are iffy. I read fast and don’t pore over the artwork. So I get 10 minutes of entertainment for….FIVE DOLLARS? When did this happen? Jeezus.

Who even reads comics anymore?

Anyway, long story short, Gwen got out of bed and recognized the room as her old one from the “old times.” The dark times. The ‘not running around in pink and white outfits and shooting people’ times. She panicked (Been there. It is what it is though). The only way out of trauma is through.

She dressed in old clothes, immediately hit by old smells, she couldn’t help but cry. Was it all a dream? Have I gone insane (again)? All the usual self doubts cropped up. I mean, really, if you think this kind of thing didn’t pass through her mind regularly why don’t you transport yourself to a comic book universe?

Oh, you can’t?

Oh. It isn’t actually possible for you and I’m stupid for suggesting it. So, yeah. If it actually happened and you kept that attitude then the logical assumption for a normie is a mental breakdown. Trick for Gwen, though, is it's probably always been both real and her being nuts.

So she goes downstairs to the kitchen to figure out why this is happening and Evil Gwen is having cereal. Let's say cocoa puffs. I’ve been thinking about those recently. You ever remember cereal as something worth cherishing. Not as just bullshit that TV convinced you to want? God damn, now I want Cookie Crisp. Cookie Crisp wasn’t even ever that good. Why do I want Cookie Crisp?

So also sitting around the table were the faceless versions of her father, mother, and her brother. Just chilling. No BD. Seen Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind?

Yes, I know that references aren’t jokes - fuck you, I’m painting a picture and I CAN’T PAINT, THAT’S WHY THIS ISN’T A COMIC. Fucks sake. Anyway. So, Gwen is so creeped out that she just sits her butt down by Evil Gwen as if she’s the comforting presence here.

Her name’s too long. Let’s call Evil Gwen uh…….Gren. You know, like Grendel from Beowulf. I haven’t actually read Beowulf and this is all a little confusing but I'm solving problems here. Writing this is harder for me than you would think so it’s best to keep things flowing off the cuff. That’s the Gwenpool™ style anyway, isn’t it? Are you laughing yet? IMPROV. “YES AND” MY SHIT, READER!

“So, you ever really look into the retconned past thing, hun?” Gren said, moving her tongue around her food. Being gross as an attempt to be properly evil. She swallowed before continuing. “This is all I could really put together on short notice but i’m pretty sure what the future people created, all that stuff to try and trick you, it was all bullshit.”

“What do you mean? Are you trying to convince me to go all psycho like you again?” Gwen asked, exasperated, realizing she was now back in the whole ‘fuck with Gwen to decide her fate’ song and dance routine from the end of her first arc.

“Nah, not really.” Gren said. A hammer appeared in her hands out of nowhere and Gren swung it into their fake father’s head, snapping his neck..

“DAD!” Gwen instinctively cried as she saw her father’s body slump to the floor. Gren slapped Gwen’s face. “That’s it,” Gren said, “this is what the trick was.This is a poorly created character in a fictional story. Meant to manipulate you into attaching your concept of “father” to it. Even his finished version in the original comics run wasn’t THAT well drawn. Your dad read like a boomer’s idea of a responsible parent. You were going through a mental crisis and struggling to find purpose in life and his genius idea was get a shitty low paying job and suck it up?”

Gren turned to their brother, pushed his face to the table and smashed the back of his skull. . “Brother dearest, too. Going right along with their victim blaming. He gaslighted you as if what you were going through was just you being ‘irresponsible.’ Bitch, people working a minimum wage job aren’t somehow not impoverished and miserable because they get some of that ‘honest work’ that folks keep badgering on about. Minimum wage work is occupied by many physically and mentally disabled people held hostage; they’re people society only pretends to care about. Then they turn it all into you acting like some world ending threat. No questions about what drove you to the edge in the first place. You are just ‘unstable,’ so you’re just a problem to be solved. They say, ‘Let’s all solve this girl being upset and on edge by ruining her concept of self, reality, and memory.’ Brilliant!”

Gwen barely processed this in horror. Gren then slit the poor facsimile of their mother’s throat while continuing to rant, “You see people die all the time, Gwen. Half of the time you are doing the killing. You do it because it’s in a story. In a story the NPCs don’t matter and, after all, your original schtick in the story was to be kill-crazy. The non-marketable characters can be replaced or retconned at the stroke of the artist’s pen.” Gren leans forward as she pulls a Gwenpool mask over Gwens face. “Then the writers convince you that you have some middle class milk toast family and you take abuse and subsume your emotional needs because the problem MUST be you. You aren’t ‘normal’ so you have to be fixed.”

Gwen wiped her eyes over the mask and sighed. A bit of fire filled her gut as she stared at Gren. “So fucking what? You want me to go on a killing spree and be a big time villain to get myself a nice, shiny permanent big bad status? That’s how I stay around right? Just build my legacy on bodies?”

Gren scoffed “You already lost that fight, girly. Where do you think we are? Because this ain’t Marvel Comics.”

Confused, Gwen blinked and tried reaching for the page margins, finding nothing. Wait….why was everything on this page so ill defined and undetailed? Wait? Why was the story in kinda wobbly third person past tense?

Gwen sighed “Oh. I’m in a fanfic. I guess the publishing fight is for another day eh?”

“My advice, personally,” Gren stated, “is that you consider the lobster.”

“Wait, what the fuck?”

Gren pulled aside the kitchen curtains revealing the face of a giant lobster, its claws tapping on the glass. The lobster muttering gutterally about personal responsibility.

“Because there’s a couple thousand giant lobsters outside that would like to claw you until you read their book.”

--

Scared of Girls

On the rooftop, Gren shoved a high powered rifle into Gwen’s hands while she handled the close range threats. So, this conversation they’re about to have is important. Sniping puts Gwen into a sort of zen space, so that’s a better task to keep her focused, after all.

“So, what? You wanted me to internalize that my “origin story” is bullshit? Okay, what does that accomplish, then?” Gwen asked in a bit of a deadpan. She was so tired today. Not really feeling her happy go lucky energy. More like a “happy go fucky” energy. It was hard to always be on a knife's edge. Still the rifle’s kick into her shoulder was satisfying as she blew through two of the creepy looking lobsters at once. “Also, why the lobsters?”

Gren considered this. “Okay, last question first, I had to experiment a lot and do a lot of research to construct this place for your learning and healing in fanfic form....These buddies are a failed experiment of mine that I repurposed because the fic needed more action. Isn’t that right, giant enemy crap?” As she peppers the nearest goon with a hail of shotgun pellets the entire throng of them burst out, sharply muttering about divine symbols.

“As for what I'm trying to teach you, it’s that you aren’t reaching your potential.” Gren grumpily huffed.

“Duh,” Gwen reloads, “I mean you just killed a mannequin version of the voice in my head that says that to me every day.” one of those crustaceans talks about feminine symbolism while she decides on her next target.

“Not like fake daddy’s ‘Be a responsible member of society by paying your taxes’ type of potential. I mean your creative and emotional potential.” Gren flipped off the slavering throng of monsters, noticing they were starting to keep their distance from the roof.

“I never did finish that fanfic idea I had.” Gwen mused.

“God, don’t mention that,” Gren thrusts a finger at Gwenpool. “Not that I don’t respect fanfic, but when comic book writers make you and Kamala squee about fanfiction to try and relate to “the kids” it comes across as so condescending.”

“Really? I mean…..I'm sure it’s meant as support for the concept?”

“Most fucking superhero comics are just legalized fanfiction! The people who created the characters are either long gone or working on someone else’s characters! They just think they are so much better because they got fucking paid. They can’t imagine themselves as on the same playing field as fanficcers even though most of them have the same level of connection to the roots of the work as anyone else.” Gren groused loudly as she seemed to pull Reed Richards out of nowhere.

Confused, Reed looked around until his eyes met Gwen’s.“Oh great, you again.” Reed groaned as he turned to survey the piles of lobster gibs while Gwen cheered the lobster forces’ retreat with a resounding “EDF, EDF!”. The scattered creatures skittered amongst the bland scenery. It looked like a suburban neighborhood but someone forgot to color in the sky….or write that the sky had color. A castle hung out in the distance breaking up the generic normalcy and lay cloaked in shadow despite being surrounded by an endless white void.

“And…..black….you?” Reed pointed to Gren, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I have an evil future self….well I stopped that future so it’s an….evil...alternate timeline self?” Gwen said with a nervous chuckle, abandoning the kill quest for the minute and rested her rifle on the roof.

“Ah. Yeah I’ve been down that road. It’s a rather common occurrence. Multiverse being what it is.” Reed laughed heartily while putting his hands on his hips.

“I’m not sure I’m evil, honestly,” Gren interjected. “I think I’m just really fucking grumpy and I’m slightly more gung-ho on the homicide. Considering Gwen’s already one of the more kill crazy characters on the roster it’s not that much of a distinction.” Gren flipped her cape. “My main distinction is I don’t like that meme from The Incredibles! You can just make it so the cape detaches automatically when it’s pulled hard enough!”

“You could still have it tangled up around your face.” Reed pointed out in his standard know-it-all fashion.

“Don’t make me go into fuck wife mode, stretch.” Gren spat. “Okay, anyway, so I brought him here to illustrate a point. Reed. Explain particle physics to me as a laymen.”

“Huh...i’m not sure why but okay. Particle physics (also known as high energy physics) is a branch of physics that studies the nature of the particles that constitute matter and radiation. Although the word particle can refer to various types of very small objects (e.g. protons, gas particles, or even household dust), particle physics usually investigates the irreducibly smallest detectable particles and the fundamental interactions necessary to explain their behaviour. In current understanding, these elementary particles are excitations of the quantum fields that also govern their interactions. The currently dominant theory explaining these fundamental particles and fields, along with their dynamics, is called the Standard Model. Thus, modern particle physics generally investigates the Standard Model and its various possible extensions, e.g. to the newest "known" particle, the Higgs boson, or even to the oldest known force field, gravity.” Reed rattled this off rather mechanically.

Gren then took out her phone and showed Gwen the Wikipedia article on “Particle Physics,” which is naturally the same words that Reed had regurgitated above, just without any formatting and, again, on a phone.

“Reed can’t be a genius in any subject unless he’s written by a genius in that subject. That’s how stories work. Everyone is limited by the understanding and capabilities of the writer. Same with your origin story and all the people you’ve interacted with. If you are as ‘meta’ as you think you are then you have to realize that you aren’t actually talking to people. You are talking to the writer. Dr. Strange didn’t rewrite your existence to be a part of the Marvel Universe. As far as most of Marvel continuity goes Dr. Strange was never there and doesn’t know or care about his MCU casting…..Hey Reed, buzz off please before the conversation pivots to why you haven’t cured all known diseases.”

Reed looked a little surprised but then pulled out a teleportation device (of course he has one) and blipped away with a shrug.

“How awkward is that going to be when he enters the MCU after Kamala is already introduced with a very similar power set?” Gwen chuckled.

“Keep up the way you’ve been going and you’ll never see it. I’m not exactly expecting a young blonde girl casting call for Deadpool 3 and that’s your best bet.” Gren snarked. Gwen winced with a sigh.

“I don’t get what I'm doing wrong. I have a fanbase comparable to some of the characters that have already shown up but I can’t even get comics written about me most of the time. An MCU push seems unlikely. They would literally have to deal with completely recontextualizing my powers and gimmick”

“Let’s ask her what you should do.” Gren motioned her way to the suddenly appearing long hair future Gwen, looming over them like The Attack of the 50 foot Woman for some reason. Dwarfing the roof they are on. Let’s call her BIGwen!

--

Gold Guns Girls

As BIGwen acclimated to her surroundings she stubbed her toe on a car, dramatically flipping it so that it took out a few more lobsters before caving in a nearby house. The lamentations about clean rooms soaring as the remaining couple dozen of them attempt to clean up some of the bodies of their fallen kin. The large and sort-of-in-charge Gwen hissed in pain and adjusted her boot. Getting her balance as best as possible she muttered curses that traveled rather well considering the lung capacity of a giant.

“You know,” Gren started, “I wasn’t expecting much from our previous uses of the ‘make her big for emphasis’ trick, but it really does only work as a vague ghostly background element. I didn’t just want it to be ‘oh, here's a third Gwen for the conversation, though. Would lack umph.”

“ Yeah, I get it, but staring at my own giant taint is unsettling.” Gwen muttered.

“I’d still, hit it.” Gren grinned, then immediately got punched in the arm. “OWWW! Look, I’m the evil one here and we’re in a fanfic. I’m allowed to make internet fetish jokes.”

“And I’m allowed to hit you for it.”.

“Dirty lampshading goody two shoes. Don’t act like half your fanbase isn’t thirsty. It’s “insert current year argument”, all art is sexy to someone.” Gren complained back,rubbing her arm before hopping off the roof. Gwen followed while listening as patiently as she could considering how many changes in topic her evil-caped self is going through to get to her point. “This chick is the reason you’ve been on the path of good girl. Some vague idea that in the future everything will work out for the best. HEY, DOWN HERE, BIG SHOW!” Gren waved at BIGwen and she looked down curiously.

“Yeah what??” BIGwen responded in a booming and agitated tone. Honestly, being in this fic made every version of Gwen a little grumpy.

“How’s she supposed to be a popular hero that makes it into the MCU and has a stable publication history?” Gren asked.

“Fuck if I know.” Came BIGwen’s response. “Have you tried growing your hair out?”

“Rub it in,” Gwen muttered under her breath, “I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of depressed now.” Gwen said as she sat on an abandoned car.

Gren hopped on the roof of the car, patting Gwen’s shoulder before squatting with enough force to flex the car’s shocks like a rocking chair just to amuse herself. “Future “good” Gwen wasn’t an actual plot point, it was a call to action to the fans to make fanfic like this and support the character outside of the actual Canon. Chris didn’t trust that Marvel would treat the character right. That, and your obsession with getting a new book, are both the writer’s attempt to turn a marketing tactic into fan engagement. If you want to be real then that makes the fans want you to be real even more, too.”

Gwen sighs heavily and leans her chin on one hand. “I mean...the time traveling through the life of an NPC fan complete with a Never Ending Story reference was a bit sappy even by the standard we sometimes set...damn it it really was just kind of a fan manipulation trick wasn’t it?”

BIGwen Sat down on the street next to them and crossed her legs. “Hey, little me. Don’t get too down. I mean it worked for the most part. You have a healthy cult following. Characters have survived on less and there are worse things to be known for then as a fan first character”

“But I have to fight for attention all the damn time, though. It’s so easy for Wade with his fucking meme bullshit. He even gets runoff enthusiasm from me. Jeff the land shark is all over Oldpool online” Gwen felt rather heavy and tired all of a sudden. Marvel editorial forcing a gun to your head is not a fun way to be.

“All that fight is hell on the fanbase too.” Gren sighed. “Advocating for shit, getting crumbs and being expected to accept it while Disney lavishes all the attention based on some bullshit numbers game. Even if you make it into the MCU will it be a Batroc style cameo with obligatory ‘killed off in case we don’t feel like paying the actor again later.’ Will it be an emotionally rounded character or an ambush bug style joke? The thing is. You're Not the one fighting and you never were.”

“The fuck do you mean?”

“This version of her doesn’t know?” BIGwen whimpered.

“You aren’t real, Gwen.”

--

Head Like a Haunted House

“No….we aren’t having this conversation. Fuck you fuck you i’m not a fucking Nihlist and i’m not going to do this right now.” Gwen said as she scrambled off of the car and pulled out some guns. BIGwen then picked her up off the ground.

“You need to hear this, Gwen,” BIGwen boomed. “The gimmick has run its course. It’s fucking with your canon. You’re never going to be a marketable character keeping up a half fourth-wall Kayfabe”

Gren climbed onto BIGwen’s Shoulders and perched over Gwen all menacing like. “You need to listen. I’ve been trying to ease you into this. Making things more meta slowly until you were ready but it was never going to be easy.”

One of Gwen’s guns was fired from it’s holster and pierced one of BIGwen’s fingers. BIGwen screamed and her grip loosened. Soon Gwen was on the move running up her arm and firing at Gren, who dodged like the nimble and cute badass she is. “Don’t do this Gwen. Just because it doesn’t matter to the comic version of you doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m a real person god damn it! I read the comics out there! I came in! That’s why I know shit I shouldn't know. That’s what I am! THAT’S ALL I AM!” Gwen shrieked as she pulled out a sword from hammer-space and decapitated BIGwen. Suddenly a mess of colored streamers and a pile of Mickey Mouse merch tumbled out. Look, I am busy right now. Gwen is still slashing at my ass. I'm not going to explain it.

For some reason now the remaining lobsters were helping Gren. For Gwen’s own good you understand. This is proof that I’m right for some reason.

Gwen pulled out a revolver, firing pumpkin sized holes in lobsters who were still wailing about self actualization. She fully planned on shoving a sword up her evil self’s ass and getting rid of this doppelganger shit for good. Which is total bullshit by the way. She totally just cut off Gren’s leg because what the fuck you mean I’m not real? I’m going to be real all over your corpse.

Gren didn’t really think that was even a good comeback and also thought you should probably say it instead of meta willing the smack talk into existence, otherwise this fanfic is going to read like trash. Also, Gren’s leg wasn’t actually cut off. In a puff of smoke it is revealed that the cut off leg is a log and her leg is fine. Gren is a ninja now, believe it.

Gwen proceeded to do a sick ass CQC judo throw on Gren and then grab her cape and wrap it around her face like Reed suggested. Callbacks for the win! Callbacks to Checkov’s gun ideas always lead to victory in fights! She then totally shot at her and such.

But the bullet was caught by the cape because the cape was a symbiote! That’s right Gren is also GRENOM!...boy that sounds stupid. Anywho, the cape was no longer around her face and the fight continued and Gren now ALSO had extra powers and special wizard-symbiote armor (that would only show up in the MCU version if Marvel finally got the Sony characters back). The meta powers work like shit in text but this would be really good in CGI or animation if Marvel wanted to adapt this fic and give the writer lots of money. Gren still has more experience with them, though, and Gwen can’t really just kill her way out of this fic so she has to just let the story play out.

…...eh?....oh Gwen’s crying. I love/am you girl but we gotta work on the crying. Fucks sake this is harder than I thought. I’m depressed now too. Well I'll try to get the writing back on track so you guys can see what is going on. Even the lobsters are minding their manners now. Chill vibes, guys.

“The marvel character page for Gwenpool says, and I quote:

Gwenpool arrived in the Marvel Universe from the “real world,” but has wasted no time in making the most of her time in her fictional universe. Using her knowledge of comics to her advantage, Gwenpool causes and solves problems for her fellow heroes.”

Gren drags a lobster corpse slowly toward Gwen and sits on its tail as she talks to her. Taking her time to really scrape the lobster against the ground, smearing the gore on the pavement. Not that it was heavy for her or anything. Totally still has that symbiote, which would make moving it easy. Totally wasn’t a detail added in the second revision of the fic slightly before the lobsters were added.

“The words “Real world” are in quotation marks in that wiki. Real people don’t make it into comics because fiction isn’t real. Half of your versions barely make use of the ‘real person’ gimmick because it’s too meta by half and not every writer wants to waste time justifying it. So they just treat it like Deadpool’s medium awareness. Which it mostly is.”

“I really am just a fucking rip off distaff character.” Gwen moans. “Just a Gwen combined with a Pool. I’m worse than the Batman who laughs. I never mattered because I was never real”

“Fuck don’t say that. You were made with love and care by a team of creators who took a weird offshoot idea and built out a compelling metafiction idea and a likeable protagonist off of it. They just didn’t have the time and foresight to go far enough.” Gren sighed.

“Far enough?” Gwen sniffed as she was pulled up to her feet and dragged toward one of the big castles. As they walked Gren kicked along a Mickey Mouse doll that had rolled out of BIGwen’s severed head. Every time it bounced it cheerfully said ‘hahah. I love you!’

“Too much haha, not enough trauma. You’re not just a joke character.” Gren said as she kicked the Mickey doll into the big front door of the castle. The shadowy thing of course lighting up and being all fantasy and shit as the door opened.

“Well I did end both of my comic runs pretty mopey.”

“Damn right you did. When the jokes run thin they run to your real bread and butter. You’re an empathy machine.” As Gren shoves Gwen through the gate they are swallowed up in the castle, going dark again. “Let’s getcha sad clown on.”

--

Never there

“See, what evil me should have been telling you about in the original run is how to find meaning and purpose when technically nothing means anything. Comic book characters live in a world without real death and suffering. It’s all a puppet show version of real pain and real emotion meant to bring that out of an audience.” Gren opined as they walked through a black void to a couch floating in a nothing area lit only by the static of an old TV.

“Can we turn on a light?” Gwen asked as she sat on the couch. Gren sat on another recliner that suddenly appeared and put her feet up.

“Fuck off. Ambiance is a thing. We aren’t having a ‘lights on with something fun on the TV’ conversation. So look, I am not really ‘evil gwen.’ I’m half an author insert and half a plot device. If we are talking about the reality of the story you are basically talking to yourself. I am speaking about the things you don’t want to admit to yourself. You know, you’ve seen this kind of story sorta... right?” Gren picked up the remote and frustratedly changed channels between a bunch of vaguely illustrative footage on the TV, not finding anything that worked. A lot of black and white footage of trains for some reason. Just what comes to mind when I think of documentary footage? Weird.

“I am not sure how to illustrate this shit visually and this is a text story anyway so I would have to explain the illustration,” Gren griped.

“I basically get it. It’s not that uncommon a trope.” Gwen nodded.

“Because of the level of meta we are on right now we have to really acknowledge that you are basically an author insert, too. I mean, to a certain extent every version of you is more the writer that is working with your character at the time than a set character.” Gren said as she settled on a visual of Gwen being pushed out the window by her own narration text in the original comic run. When all else fails, resort to footage from the last story. That way people can look it up online!

“Right here is where the character crystallized in the mind of the author of the current fic we are in. A vague suicide metaphor wrapped up in the flavor of self destructive escapism. Your parents in the story thought it was a suicide attempt on at least some level. This is serious business. Not just a girl who doesn’t like work and can’t finish her fanfic. In this comic you are built on this understanding. The writer of this fic has ADHD and autism. So his version of you more or less has it, too. Writers bring themselves with them into their work.”

Gwen nods and takes a deep breath. “I….I can feel it. Like the world is closing around you. You aren’t built for anything that anyone wants from you. The one thing you really believe in, the one thing that really defines you, the stories in your head…..it’s just not enough.

You can’t trust you’ll ever make it with writing because you can barely write. You barely have the energy to do anything but wish that you weren’t you. What if someone actually listened? Actually believed in you and whisked you away somewhere else where the world would fit your needs? What if you were someplace you could be someone else, someone strong and confident?”

“Yeah. Like a funny anti hero in a comic for instance.” Gren nodded. “But the original comics sort of left the theme on the table. They were captured by the misconception of Gwen as the problem and not a person who needed help. All that desperation that real fans of the character might feel just bundled up into love for this character that really ‘gets’ them but Marvel doesn’t ‘get’ the character. They won't use her. They won’t go past vaguely gesturing at her mental issues and moving on. They saved the angst for Wandavision.” Gren scoffs.

“I mean the show was okay but they literally have a character built entirely on the theme of escapism and trauma. One that’s custom built for mind-screw visuals and reality bending plots and they think she’s just a lazy fangirl who really likes guns that they can sit beside Deadpool sometimes and stick in the X-Men’s bloated background character roster when they don’t need her.”

Gren leads Gwen off the couch and deeper into the void where a door to a bedroom waits. A room like her own, absolutely slopping over with old toys of comic book characters. An unclean messy space in a run-down house that smells faintly of cigarette smoke. Huddled in bed, reading an 80s era X-men comic with a flashlight, is a 12 year old Gwen.

“This is never going to be canon but this is the version of Gwen in this fic. She can’t stop crying at school. Things that shouldn’t be hard are so hard and she can’t explain why. Everyone says she’s making excuses. Meanwhile her mother is fucked out of her mind on pain killers and her step father killed himself last year ‘cleaning his gun’ while drunk. You know exactly what is on her mind right now?” Gren says as she gestures at the girl.

“I wish the superheroes would save me from this.”

“They won’t. They can’t. They were never meant to.” Gren Slams the door loudly on the scene.

“That is the emotional core of Gwenpool in this fic. The desperation that so many of the fans down here in the fucking muck of the real world feel. Poor and emotionally unfulfilled. Confused and vulnerable. If Disney and Marvel gave two fucking shits about people like that they wouldn’t waste as many stories as they do. They wouldn’t just use untold wealth to make expensive escapist stories with the military. Their gestures toward progressive ideas that they occasionally make in their stories would be THE ENTIRE POINT of their stories and the actual thing they used that money for instead of lobbying the government to keep Mickey Mouse out of the public domain.

“Disney has the power yet they save a fucking miniscule fraction of who they could. Saving people doesn’t make money.”

--

When I Get To The Green Building

Gren stormed through the void. The scene disintegrated around her as Gwen followed. Both now in a bit of a sour mood but with newfound determination.

“Come to think of it. Why is the fucking Hulk getting to fight for social justice in the comics? Why are they making a gay alternate universe Captain America? Why are they grasping at straws so hard to find characters that get to advocate and I am just sitting on a fucking island being grumpy?” Gwen groused. “I’m pretty sure I’m pansexual….at least in this fic. I could advocate for a bunch of shit at once.”

“You have a youth fanbase, a unique story and you technically aren’t an alternate universe version of fucking anything no matter how many people still think you are a Stacey. They made a fucking ‘for the fans’ character and then neglected it. Presumably because some fucking money making metric didn’t pan out despite the comics just being an MCU test kitchen and IP farm anyway.”

“You’re a fucking check mark on a ledger. I don’t even know if anyone technically created Gwenpool as a whole and Disney/Marvel can give the character to whoever they want to do whatever they want completely separate from what the fanbase wants and needs because she isn’t established. The IP landlords have spoken. The fans haven’t risen to enough ‘buy my merch’ calls to action to invest more resources. So tease endlessly until that changes.”

“Gah. Now I'm actually as pissed as you are.” Gwen said as she started fiddling with her guns. “Who do I kill?”

“We can’t do shit. You’re not even a character at this point. You are a meme for an underused character.” Gren smirked all evil like. “See but that’s it. You aren’t just a meme. You’re a MEME.”

“Uhm...I don't follow.”

“Like the concept of Justice. Gwenpool is an idea. Defined entirely by how people who engage with the idea choose to engage with it. The IP law means Disney owns Gwenpool but they don’t own how Gwenpool is perceived. Just like we as a people decide what justice is through popular consent we also decide what Gwenpool is. You see they made a character for the fans…..in my opinion that means the fans can do as they like with it even if it makes Disney uncomfortable.”

“I mean they can’t even stop porn of their characters just because of the sheer volume of the problem. I suppose people could do whatever.” Gwen nodded.

“Exactly. So the fans should just fucking Occupy Gwenpool!” Gren said as she flipped her cape dramatically with a mad smile on her face. That’s right. She was Dirtbag Leftist Gwen all along!

“Squat on that IP. Make Gwenpool a mental health advocate. Make her an LGBTQ activist. Make her fight for social and financial justice so hard that Bruce Banner looks like a poser. Make her talk shit about politicians who put their career ahead of the people. Do all the shit that makes the comicsgate crowd sad. Keep politics in our stories! Rally around that pink and white ass so hard they have to notice and then tie it all to the fact that Disney has great power and with great power they take no responsibility for how shitty the world is.”

“ If they are going to fuck Gwenpool fans they gotta learn Gwenpool fans fuck back. We have already proven we can make all kinds of cool shit. Let’s get serious and make more, harder, faster! Get a hashtag or some shit. They can't DMCA all of us! GWEN IS OURS WE JUST HAVE TO REACH OUT AND TAKE IT. Then they either respect the character and her fans or they just hit a PR disaster.”

“Marvel/Disney neglects fan focused cult character themed protest movements. Proves they are only progressive when it makes them money. They’re so worried about Mickey ending up in the public domain? We’re the public domain! After our entire lives stannin their characters and buyin their merch building them from an animation house into a juggernaut they are just another weight on top of the boot on our necks. They have to take responsibility!” At this point Gren is pretty much ranting maniacally and neglecting the actual writing of the story so this is Gwen taking over to wrap up.

Guys I may not be ‘the real Gwen’ but really, isn’t the version of Gwen that actually came from the real world all of us? Isn’t Gwenpool really the Gwens we made along the way? We could easily bring a little heroism and chaos to the real world (at least to the internet) if we really tried. Put the fear of God into some IP landlords and fight for some cool people that society is screwing over, too.

Prove that even in the fandom abyss people aren’t as powerless as they seem. Use that internet comic fan mobbing for something besides giving Zack more money. Disney is gearing up for their next IP fight for Mickey in 2024. Seems like a fine time for IP themed protests. For now we just need to spread the word that our needs are more important than their profits.

It’s been real. It’s been long. It’s been a real long time coming…..

But I finally finished my fanfic.

See ya, true believers.

[wordsoflittlewisdom]

Watching bop again

I kinda forgot Cass was at the roller derby game. Love how all the characters are connected

Why does Roman’s voice...sound like that

Boss Bitch is weirdly nostalgic now

I like that the whole roller derby team is wearing like. team jackets. and harleys got her whole fringe sleeves thing going on

YES LOVE WHEN SHE THROWS THE NECKLACE AWAY

The chemical plant blowing up as fireworks was a very Harley choice

“So I’ll start where I fucking want” four minutes ago

huntress huntress huntress huntress huntress

I read somewhere that this huntress and Montoya scene was one take and they just changed the lighting to show the change

romans middle name being beauvais is probably the clearest clue they could have given that he was from a rich family

Love that Renee finds the necklace and knows Harley and the joker broke up. I like this idea that superheroes/villains are kinda like celebrities in this world

The egg sandwich scene is great what more can I say

Love that there’re cars and people just living their lives in this city

It’s a crime that we never see Harley wear this glittery fanny pack

The music is really good in this

It’s neat how the line between her narration and her dialogue is blurred, like how she’ll say the first part of something in narration and the second part in dialogue

Huntress’s little flute theme

And Montoya knows Cass; c o n n e c t i o n s

Montoya’s been going after Roman, too

And now we’re flipping back to the bertinelli massacre and diamond

Even if the whole missing diamond plot isn’t that unique, everything’s woven together so neatly

And now Dinah and Renee are on the phone about Cass and the diamond

It’s all connected

Harleys whole “I’m here to report a terrible crime”—she could have just run in there but she wanted to be Dramatic

I do wish the vocals were a little louder here maybe?

Big fan of this fight choreography

Harley pausing on a frame where she’s making a weird face before rewinding to explain about the diamond—it’s so rare to ever get to see women like. making weird faces in movies. All the women in his this are gorgeous but they don’t always have to be; they look beat up after fights and get dirty and make weird faces and it’s great

Dinah singing? Exceptional

“Loans, liquidity, laundering” ah yes the three L’s of illegal business

I unironically listen to Black Canary’s man’s world.

I like that everyone just calls Dinah “Canary”

“I’m all on my lonesome. It’s great” Harleys even an unreliable narrator when she’s just talking

I’ve really never seen a movie that feel like it’s from the female gaze visually as much as this one—all the rings and earrings, the hair, the makeup, it feels like what women might fantasize about dressing like

Dinah yelling “you motherfucker!” While beating some creeps up is quality

What time of day is it? Dinah would probably be leaving early in the morning, but I Refuse to believe that Roman would be awake particularly early any morning

She either canary is leaving her nightclub singing gig in the late morning/early afternoon or roman is still awake from the night before and is going to go to sleep soon

Cass and Dinah in the same building. (Bernie voice): I am once again talking about the connections

I’ve riffed on this before but i refuse to believe that Roman can drive

This Dinah and Renee scene establishes character, backstories, and moves the plot along all at once

Jesus some of ewan mcgregor’s acting in this is painfully bad

I love that Cass has a big bomber jacket and longer, looser shorts

Jurnee’s abs wow

The lights from behind the hands with the eyes behind Harley, who’s surrounded by people and then Roman and Victor emerge from the back, whispering to each other? Beautiful

One of the grievances roman has against Harley is “constantly interrupting him, like I’m doing right now”

Harleys “you’re really not as complicated as you think” bit is almost satirical of this cult we’ve created of “complicated” white male movie villains who have massive fan followings (cough cough joker)

Interesting that Roman holds the knife to Harleys face but hands it off to Victor to do that actual cutting

Someone handed Roman a bowl of popcorn

Harleys pocket tampon

It’s diamonds are a girls best friend yeah babey!

The male backup dancers are wearing muzzles/masks (Roman has one too for a split second) is an interesting flip on the way women are typically the ones being silenced, as well as Harleys desire to silence the men around her and be the one telling and controlling her own narrative

“Hey! you’re that singer no one listens to!” “Hey! You’re the asshole no one likes!”

Harley with her glitter gun

Harleys reaction when the sprinklers go off is perfect—Margot makes her feel like a living cartoon

This cell block fight scene is a showstopper

I like that cass doesn’t immediately want to stay with Harley. It gives her some agency in a story where she’s mostly just following the curveballs life throws her

Harleys little stare straight into the camera when cass admits to eating the diamond

Harley at the grocery store really emphasizes that she’s a total weirdo

I think I heard somewhere that the pic of child Harley with the nuns is a pic of young Margot??? Not totally sure though

Cass not knowing who the joker is goes with the whole supers are like celebrities thing—cass probably follows a whole different group of them (like how most kids follow different celebrities than their parents)

Huntress huntress huntresssss

“Give me number 32. Mild”

This kid in helenas flashback doesn’t really look like she’s grow up to look like Mary Elizabeth Winstead

This filming in this flashback has so much style

Helena practicing in the bathroom mirror with her drawing and her multiple bottles of travel mouthwash

We’re in the scene where Roman makes the girl dance on the table and oh god it’s so uncomfortable

No no no no no not this hate this

Alright that nightmare’s done

“and that’s why you should never pay federal income taxes”

Harley offering to bring cass to Roman after hearing doc say “business is business is interesting

OH ITS HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT TIME

Dinahs car is yellow because it’s...canary yellow

Roman putting on the mask is cool and all but he’s just gonna have to take it back off to get changed

This Harley vs Renee fight is fun because they keep mirroring each other—they’re fighting each other, but they’re really on the same side

The way the women all kind of circle each other at first and don’t immediately get along

Cass popping up with the gun also gives her some agency—she’s at the end of her rope with the diamond and being betrayed by Harley

“I am nOT THE CROSSBOW KILLER”

The way Huntress sounds so uncertain when she says “...and now I’m done” Mary’s acting really popped off

Roman’s a bitch but I like his outfits

Helenas little smile when Harley says “you just killed his BFF”

I love how excited Harley is when they all agree to work together

Roman’s giving his little speech in the back of a pickup truck?

When all the guys turned around with masks on I got chills

“I love this chick she’s got rage issues.” “I DONT HAVE RAGE ISSUES”

Huntress stabbing the guy while going down the slide is peak cinema

This set lights up as the scene progresses and reveals more

I love love love that Helena is genuinely caring towards Cass and recognizing that children shouldn’t have to go through trauma like her

“When the fuck did she have time to do a shoe change?”

THE HAIR TIE YEAH

Forgot to mention this but it’s a stroke of genius for this place to be called the booby trap

Love me some canary cry

“Told ya she had a killer voice”

Harleys chase was a real group hurrah—the canary cry cleared the way and pushed her forward, Huntress towed her, Renee gave her the gun with one bullet

Cass and Roman are just sitting in the back seat. That must have been an awkward car ride

Cass pulling the gun away from Roman when he tries to shoot up at Harley when Harleys on top of the car is elite

Damn this is one foggy pier

When Harley starts with “your protection is based on the fact that people are scared of you” you expect her to say that it’s wrong or something but she says “I’m the one they should be scared of” this movie messed with tropes so much

That also includes the whole “one bullet” thing—Harley misses with her one bullet, and you don’t really know what’s gonna happen next

“I took your ring”

You can pinpoint exactly when Harley and Roman realize what Cass did

I’d put the entire taco scene here if I could

Renee moving the drink away from cass shows her caring side—she doesn’t want a kid to get into alcohol and make the mistakes she did

“Does she always talk like the cop in a bad eighties movie?”

Harley and Cass stealing the car is a fun way to show that she may be on the side of the good guys sometimes, but that doesn’t necessarily make her one

“Woman” by Kesha

Wow the outfits in this scene are iconic

I mean they are in the whole movie but I especially like these

Cass riding around with Harley and a hyena, wearing cute outfits and learning the ways of chaos

Harley got her sandwich!

The credit art for this movie is cool

Especially how they represent each character

In conclusion this is still my favorite movie

I know I’ve been kinda absent recently, but watching this again has really reminded me how much I love it. I got really busy but I’m going to Make An Effort to be a contributing member of the bop fandom again.

[parkersbliss]

Quarantime | Avengers

Pairing: None! Could be Peter Parker X reader 

Type: Headcannon

WC: 1.2K

Warnings: Language 

A/N: Will probably turn this into a mini-series with imagines, headcanons, and all that good stuff bc I’m of school till April 15th. If you want to be tagged see here.

Masterlist

(not my gif) 

When New York first announced the quarantine you thought this could be a good bonding experience with the team. 

You couldn't have been more wrong. 

Five days in and all anyone did was scream at each other. 

Tony was annoyed because, and I quote, "It's a virus, my suit is made of iron for christ's sake!" 

Peter was out of school for the next three weeks and somehow that boy had already completed all his homework for the next month. 

Nat and Wanda spent their days in the kitchen baking, which prompted a lot of taste testing and lying on your part. 

Bucky, Steve, and Sam spent their time either sparing or playing competitive cards.

 At first, the whole team loved the idea of passing time with cards

and then it got a little too competitive. 

"Draw two Tony."

"Very funny, Cap. Why don't you draw two, Romanoff."

 "I think I'll pass," As she laid down another draw two cards. 

Sam chuckles, "oh no little miss, not today." 

Bucky doesn't say anything just gently places his draw two on the table and looks to Peter. 

Peter is sweating as he places down his own draw two, it passes onto Loki. 

He places down his own green draw two. 

"How do we know he's not cheating?" Tony slams down his cards on the table. 

"For all we know that could've been a red four!" 

The room murmurs in agreement and Loki shrugs, "you don't."

Tony glares at him from across the table but turns his attention toward Thor.

Thor frowns, shuffling through his cards before slamming his fist down. He draws from the pile only to reveal another draw two, he smirks and places it down onto the others. 

"you've got to be shitting me," Steve mumbles, rubbing his forehead.

It came down to Hulk, he glared at everyone at the table. "No fair, I don't have any." 

"Well, buddy draw," Tony picks up the stack of cards and begins counting. "Draw sixteen." 

Hulk frowns and slams both fists down onto the table, it flips over and you calmly step out of the way. 

"Woah, woah buddy," Sam said.

"Hulk mad!" 

"AND there goes another game of Uno."

Thor and Loki were in charge of grocery shopping because as gods they weren't susceptible to the virus. 

You always made sure to provide a shortlist composed of everyone's needs and yet, they always managed to get extra. 

One week they came back with a lobster.

"We said toilet paper guys!" Tony said, staring at the lobster in Loki's arms. 

"That's what I told my imbecile of a brother, but he insisted we rescue the creature," Loki replied, looking down at the crustacean and grimacing. 

Everyone turns toward Thor, "he looked so lonely..."

"they're for cooking," You deadpanned. 

"NO!" Thor screamed, snatching the lobster out of Loki's hands and running off. 

To this day you weren't sure what happened to the lobster. 

Or the time they bought six too many Capri suns. 

"Why in god's name did you buy six boxes?!"

"We wanted to try all the flavors." 

"He wanted too, I did not second that." 

Peter and you, however, were thrilled, you two lived off of them.

 It was the only thing you two drank sometimes. 

"AW YEAH!!" You shouted, high fiving Peter. 

Steve sighed, "Great, they'll be bouncing off the walls with sugar now." 

Or when Natasha asked for flour and they brought back flowers.

"I asked for flour, not flowers!" 

Thor stared at her confused, "but they are both flowers, no?" 

"ones used for baking and the other for decoration."

"Well, the flowers are a nice gesture!" 

"Thor, we are in a worldwide pandemic! Flowers aren't helping anything." 

"Get better soon?" 

You and Peter spent your days Tik Toking, much to everyone's dismay. 

"Week one of our quarantine in the avengers compound," You said solemnly to the camera. 

"Thor bought six boxes of Capri suns! And a lobster!!" Peter yelled from his place on the couch. 

"Tony is slowly losing his mind..."

"Hey Steve, look at the camera!!" 

 "you guys should be doing homework." 

"Ok boomer,"  Both you and Peter snort.

"what?" Steve asks, confusion written all over his face. 

He wasn't exactly caught up with everything. 

"And this is my uncle Bucky, he's way cooler than yours! Does your uncle have a metal arm?" You sass the camera as Bucky flexes his metal arm. 

"Look at those muscles!" Peter gapes, running his hand along the smooth vibranium. 

"Not sponsered by wakanda tech." 

"Hey Peter, we should do the quarantined crew!" You suggest after watching another friend give their best slow-motion poses. 

"You're a genius, (Y/N)!!" 

You and Peter ran around the tower filming everyone's best poses.

Peter had switched into his Spidey suit and did a backflip over the couch. 

That took a few takes because you kept tossing pillows at him after he landed. 

Tony removed his Iron Man mask and Peter kept shouting encouraging words the entire time. 

"Yes, work it!! Yes, Tony! What a quee-"

"I think he gets it, Peter."

Steve caught his shield after much convincing 

Clint drew back his box

Nat did a roundhouse kick 

Wanda just flexed her powers

Hulk fist-bumped himself 

Thor flipped his hammer 

Loki, being the sass god he is slowly put his helmet on while flipping his cape 

Bucky, of course, flexed his metal arm while Sam got into a heroic pose, his hands on his hips and everything. 

and you gave the camera a wink with some finger guns

you guys owned that hashtag for the rest of the year 

Of the many creations in the kitchen, Kale muffins were the worse 

"Kale muffin?" Wanda offered.

"Uh, sure?"

She eagerly shoved one in your mouth. 

"I reall-mpshorkgorigaesjrf" 

you choked. 

"What is it bad?" 

"NoOoooO. In fact, I'll take another." 

You gave it to Peter. 

It's safe to say he never looked at you the same 

Tony had officially lost his mind and made at least 20 mini-robots 

Every day there was a new one. 

And frankly, they were not nice. 

"Mr. Barton, is there a problem?" 

"My coffee is just a little hot, it's no big deal." 

"Please let me."

 The robot took the coffee and proceeded to blow on it to cool it down. 

The coffee ended up on Clint. 

that really woke everyone up 

You and Peter went around and gave them all googly eyes

At one point you guys tried to play Wii sports 

"TAKE THAT YOU BITCH" 

"STEPHAINE I SWEAR IF YOU CATCH MY TRIPLE-"

You attempted tennis with Nat and Clint

Although the game was virtual, that did not stop them from hitting each other with the remote. 

"OUT OF THE WAY!" 

"YOU WANNA GO" 

Bowling between Tony and Steve was like watching two headless chickens fight 

"SPARE!" 

"say spare one time and I won't spare you." 

"let's go popsicle." 

Baseball between Bucky and Sam was always interesting 

"don't say it, don't say it." 

"OUT!" 

"AW, HE SAID IT!" 

"Single!"

"I know that! I left my girl back in the 1900s!" 

Hulk, Thor, and Loki did boxing. 

Like Nat and Clint, the game was virtual, but their punches were not. 

"OW YOU LITTLE-"

"AHA THE GOD OF THUNDER REINS SUPR-"

"Hulk smash." 

You and Peter sat back and filmed it all for your youtube channel 

Episode Five: Season one of Quarantime with the avengers 

All and all you guys did love the time together 

Just not that much 

but with school out till mid-April, you'll just have to get used to it

[redcolored]

hey  besties!  im  cc  and  im  ecstatic  2  be  here.  this  is  the  dumbest  bitch  alive,  cherry  and  i’m  so  excited  to  write  them  again  as  they’re  a  bit  of  a  revamp  <3  as  a  psa,  i  have  their  career  claim  as  paris  hilton  n  it’s  mostly  just  her  silly  memes  n  early  2000s  attitude  vs  her  actual  reality  show!  anywho,  pls  like  this  for  plots  <3

˛ ⠀ * ⠀ ★ ⠀  ROH  JISUN  .   DEMI  GIRL  .  THEY/SHE      ⧽ ⠀ have  you  seen  the  786  latest  post  ?  sources  say  they  have  some  serious  dirt  on  the  child  of  a  big  time  OIL  EMPIRE  HEIR  AND  HIGH  PROFILE  SOCIALITE  .   they  haven’t  revealed  who  it was  yet  but  my  best  is  on  RI  CHAE  -  WON  !  ever  since  that  last  update  about  how  they  BROKE  UP  A  ROYAL  ENGAGEMENT  (  ‘  ON  ACCIDENT  ‘  ) .   i  don’t  put  anything  pass  them  .  i  mean  ,  these  celebrity  kids  are  just  out  of  control  .   they  do  whatever  they  want  ,  whenever  they  want  and  are  ungrateful  in  the  process  !!  i  mean  take  CHERRY  for  example  ,  they’re  a  TWENTY - THREE   year  old  SOCIALITE  ,  and  what  did  they  do  to  get  there  ?  have  famous  parents  !  like  hello  ,  just  because  you  BECAME  THE  (  SECOND  )  MOST  FOLLOWED  PERSON  ON  INSTAGRAM doesn’t  mean  you  actually  deserved  it  .   i’m   glad   the   786   is   taking   them   down   a   notch   .   it’s   about   time   someone   does   . 

full   name     .     ri  chae-won alias(es)   +   nickname(s)   +   title(s)     .      cherry  (  derived  from  being  called  chae  ri  during  childhood  ),  dumb  bitch  (  lovingly  ),  instagram  user  cherryzooted,   preferred   name     .     cherry age   +   dob     .     twenty  -  three,   july  1 natal   chart     .     cancer  sun,  cancer  moon,  cancer  rising  .  so  ...  good  luck gender   +   pronouns     .     demi  girl  +  they  /  them  /  she  /  her orientation     .     graysexual  +  grayromantic birth   place     .     seoul,  south  korea hometown     .     silicon  valley language(s)   spoken     .     in  order  of  fluency:   korean,  japanese,  english,  french  –  conversational  dutch  +  mandarin accent     .     100%  valley  girl  accent,  plays  it  up  these  days,  but  normally  just  sounds  californian occupation     .     full  time  hot  girl,  full  time  story  updater,  full  time  responsibility  avoider,  full  time  twitter  personality,  undercover  heiress  trying  to  girlboss  her  way  to  a  ceo  position parallels     .     karen  smith  (  mean  girls  ),  brittany  s  pierce  (  glee  ),  on  the  flip  side:  ransom  drysdale  (  knives  out  –  in  the  ...  two  faced  way,  not  the  murderous  way  ahaha  ),  fallon  carrington  (  dynasty  ), 

they  are  old  money,  truly.  their  mother  is  a  high  profile  socialite  who  comes  from  an  enterprising  family  (  think,  owns  ivy  league  university  enterprising  and  has  stakes  in  every  field  imaginable  )  while  their  father  is  an  oil  empire  heir.  of  course,  her  parents  got  married  for  money  and  for  reputation  –  and  in  their  wildest  dreams,  had  one  (1)  child  that  they  hoped  would  be  an  heir  to  their  titles.

except,  their  child  was  cherry  and  she’s  the  “dumbest  bitch  alive”.  cherry  was  born  on  the  first  of  july  and  had  a  platinum  spoon  in  their  mouth  from  the  very  first  laugh  they  gave.  cherry  was  really  given  everything  from  the  moment  she  was  born  to  this  very  day  –  private  tutors  (  all  who  quit,  thanks  to  her  ),  private  chefs,  nannies,  trainers,  anything  that  she  could  want,  she  got.

so,  a  bit  of  a  spoiled  brat  and  actually,  not  as  dumb  as  she’d  like  the  world  to  believe  she  is.  quite  an  unfound  genius,  but  as  a  teenager,  started  to  go  viral  on  early  tumblr  and  instagram  and  even  vine  due  to  a  certain  image.  it  started  honestly  as  a  joke  where  she  would  pretend  to  ask  questions  that  are  so  absurd  just  to  see  how  people  would  respond,  but  as  the  early  internet  is  –  they  took  her  seriously.  so,  she  just  ...  kept  up  with  it.

to  this  day,  their  social  media  is  mostly  one  big  satirical  account,  but  since  they’ve  been  doing  it  for  so  long,  people  just  go  along  with  it.  in  reality,  they’re  a  lot  more  cunning  than  people  think  and  definitely  getting  ready  to  succeed  the  company  from  their  parents  (  after  all,  they  just  got  a  masters  degree  from  princeton  –  which  made  her  instagram  followers  kind  of  confused  but  they  just  said  that  they  were  in  a  silly  goofy  mood  and  shouted  out  their  favorite  tutors  ).

her  cunningness  is  the  reason  why  she  accidentally  broke  up  a  royal  engagement.  the  story  goes:  cherry  uploaded  an  instagram  story  where  a  certain  royal  prince  was  spotted  in  the  background,  half  naked  on  their  bed.  they  said  oopsy - daisies  and  then  put  it  as  a  highlight  on  their  instagram  for  like  forty - eight  hours  before  saying  oh  my  word!  and  deleting  it.  apologized  profusely  after  the  engagement  was  called  off  and  then  went  on  twitter  to  say  my  bad.

anyway,  current  day,  is  enjoying  the  last  few  year(s)  of  their  socialite  life,  continuing  to  push  an  image  that  gets  them  the  most  traction  and  engagement  online  to  really  bump  up  their  image  n  views  before  they  ultimately  retire  from  social  media  to  become  an  oil  empire  +  clean  energy  +  university  heiress.  if  this  doesn’t  make  sense,  idk  either.

personality  wise     .     i  feel  like  it’s  absolutely  no  secret  to  the  inner  circle  that  they’re  not  as  ditzy  as  they  seem  irl.  they  can  definitely  be  more  than  catty  and  very  aggressive  aggressive  to  get  what  they  want  –  as  they  fail  to  ever  beat  around  the  bush.  an  absolute  villain,  cherry  knows  what  she  wants  (  an  empire  )  and  really  has  no  trouble  stepping  on  people  to  get  there.  that  being  said,  even  if  they’re  a  bit  of  a  villainess,  fails  to  ever  find  the  heart  in  being  catty  and  mean  to  people  who  don’t  deserve  it  –  i.e.  the  kind  and  the  good.  anyway  idk  what  i’m  writing  i’m  delirious.

wanted  connections  include     .     unholy  trinity  (  open  to  2  ),  academic  rivals  (  if  they  ever  attended  school  together  or  uni  –  she  went  to  brown  undergrad  +  princeton  for  grad  school  ),  pr  friends  /  relationships,  someone  constantly  featured  on  her  instagram,  fake  enemies  on  social  media,  somebody  they  surpassed  on  instagram  in  followers  and  then  tagged  them  n  said  “haha  im  sorry  <3″  on  their  story,  (future)  business  partners  /  associates  (  in  secret  though  because  rn  she’s  still  “not  an  heiress”  ).

[literaltrashforeverything]

obnoxious songs they blast while picking you up | pt. 1

Ft. Daichi, Sugawara, Tanaka, Hinata, Kuroo, Yaku, Oikawa, Matsukawa, Hanamaki, Daisho

Warnings: Language, dorky boys, some songs are 18+ lmao sorry kids

A/n: I don’t really know where this idea came from. I was just vibing and listening to music and had the epiphany that I listen to obnoxious shit and decided to put some of them into writing and then it turned into this lol.  I feel like half the boys in this show are petty as fuck and would do this just because of a small fight.  This is also published to Ao3 and there will be a part 2!

Daichi – Bad Boys from COPS

This fucker probably pulls up to your job in a police car, windows rolled down, and blasts this song. Everyone in the general vicinity is just staring.  You are too, but you’re staying in place because your husband is the worst human on earth.

He points at you and motions for you to get in the car, smirking.

You can’t even see his eyes. He’s wearing the classic cop aviators.

Honestly, fuck this guy.

You’re head is lowered as you shamble toward the car, face red, before getting in the passenger seat.

“I’m never asking you to pick me up again, Daichi.”

“Awe, you love it, babe. Plus you’re riding in style.”

This isn’t what you’d call style, especially when he blasting this particular song.

He even has the audacity to turn on the sirens and the lights as he drives away from your workplace.

You’ll have your revenge. . .

Sugawara – Can-Can by Offenbach

You think the person pulling up in a car that’s blasting Can-Can is a genius while also being extremely annoying, until you realize that’s your genius but annoying ass husband.

Sugawara rolls down the window and smirks at you. He’s trying to look cool, doing the whole single-hand on the steering wheel and one arm out the window thing.

And really, he would look cool if he wasn’t playing Can-Can.

“Twerk for me babe.”

You pull the hood of your jacket up and awkwardly walk to the car.

Your face is bright red, but let’s be real, the second you are both in the car together you’re headbutting your asses off to Can-Can because it’s an amazing song.

Fuck y’all if you disagree.

(Jk I love you anyway)

Yeah, he blasts Can-Can a lot at home just because it's amazing.

Usually he does it before cleaning the house because it's very motivating.

Tanaka – Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes

First off, this is the best song that’s ever been created in the history of music.

You can fight me on that.

Anyway-

Tanaka pulls up in your guys’ mini van because it just had the oil changed, and as payback for making him drive a mini van, he thinks he’ll be a little cooler if he just blasts the most badass song ever.

It’s really not. . .

Everyone is staring at Tanaka because for some reason your mini van has hella bass so it’s just vibrating everything in the general vicinity.

You stare at him, smiling, but internally raging. Your husband stares back, smirking widely and very mischievously.

He even dares to lean over the passenger seat and open the door for you.

“C’mon, baby. Get in and be cool with me.”

Hinata – Fur Elise by Beethoven (Klutch Dubstep Remix)

He’s not even trying to be embarrassing. He’s just legitimately vibing with this song when he picks you up.

He probably just got out of volleyball practice, too, so he’s in a tanktop and shorts, sunglasses on his head, and looks like he’s on top of the world as he waits for you to come over to where he’s pulled up and he’s literally headbanging to the song.

It takes you like a whole minute before you realize that’s literally your husband.

You’re like *surprised pikachu face*.

Just let him vibe. . . Don’t ruin his vibe. . .

You just go to the car and get in the passenger seat quietly. He doesn’t even notice because he’s vibing so hard.  He’s doing hand movements and everything, as if he’s the one playing the piano.

When the song ends and he sees you sitting there, his face just lights up.

“Hey, baby! How was work?”

You smile and go on to tell him about your day. You don’t bother to tell him that your entire workplace just witnessed him aggressively headbanging to Fur Elise.

Kuroo – WAP by Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion (but the Rihanna S&M mashup)

You and your husband had a fight earlier that morning. It was over basically nothing (it was about you not making him breakfast because you woke up late -.- This petty fucker—), and you did not apologize to him.

Never let a fight linger with Kuroo’s petty ass.

You watch your husband’s car pull up to the curb, where you’re waiting for him. The music could literally be heard from three blocks away.

Kuroo rolls down the window, smirking, and turns to you.

Deadass, this fucker is shirtless, and wearing aviator sunglasses that he casually pulls down to look at you from over the rim.  His hair is even slicked back and he looks hot.

His arm is dangling over the steering wheel and the song is just blasting.

“Hey, kitten~”

Your face is absolutely burning. Everyone in the general vicinity is staring at this shirtless, attractive motherfucker who you unfortunately chose to marry.

“I’m not making you breakfast for a week, Kuroo.”

You don’t even call him by his first name even though you literally have the same last name as him.

“What!? >:(“

This is probably how he picks you up everyday until you make him breakfast.

Yaku – S my D by Blood on the Dancefloor

This is another case of the man being a petty bitch because of a minor fight.

You may or may not have called your husband short earlier this morning, and you both laughed it off after he scolded you for calling him short. You genuinely thought it was over with until. . .

. . . he’s picking you up for work.

You didn’t even know this song existed until this exact moment, but the lyrics are so vulgar.

Yaku has all the windows down and is screaming this song as it blasts from the speakers.

You deadass just turn around and pretend you don’t know him.

You’re literally five seconds away from just walking home, honestly.

“Isn’t that your husband, Yaku-chan?” one of your coworkers asks.

You glance at the car where your husband is still jamming.

“Hm, nope. Don’t know that guy.  What a weirdo.”

Yeah, everyone knows you’re married to that lunatic but no one says anything.

Oikawa – I’m a Barbie Girl by Aqua

Why wouldn’t he? This fucker probably thinks he’s a living Ken doll.

Jk, but seriously.

You guys had a fight a whole week ago about his haircut. All you said was that he should cut it a little because it was growing into his eyes and he gasps like you’ve just murdered his whole family.

Yeah, he’s dramatic.

So, the next time you ask him to pick you up from work? Well, he’s obviously playing this song and he’s actually jamming to it.

He’s wearing sunglasses and staring at you like he’s staring into your soul.

He only sings the Ken parts and points at you at the Barbie parts like he expects you to actually sing back.

You’re so embarrassed because everyone is staring.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, knows the obvious implications of the song so all the older people around are mildly horrified.

“C’mon, Barbie. Let’s go home,” Oikawa says, winking.

You’ve never wanted to murder your husband as bad as you do right now.

Matsukawa – Skibidi by Little Big

First off, go watch the music video if you haven’t.

. . is this even a surprise?

Your husband is chaotic and he probably forced you to learn the dance with him. You both will randomly turn it on at inopportune moments and fully expect the other person to start the dance (someone do this with me).

You shouldn’t be surprised when your husband pulls up, looking innocent, before beginning to blare the song with all the windows rolled down.

Suddenly he looks like a maniac with the way he’s grinning.

Your jaw drops to the ground and you just stand there for a moment in shock.

Your face is bright red but you’re smiling stubbornly as you begin the horrific dance.

Matsukawa laughs. He literally gets out of the car and starts dancing with you like an idiot.

Everyone is watching in awe and honestly they should be jealous that you guys have so much fun.

Best husband.

Hanamaki – I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers

This is probably a common occurrence honestly. This bitch is chaotic as shit so if you think he wasn’t going to be harassing you every time he picks you up then you’re wrong.

At this point it’s just a challenge to see how far he can go.

Pulls up blaring this song and rolls down the window revealing him to be wearing a beach-themed button up (ya know, the classic dad ones) and he’s smirking like a fucking maniac.

Points at you just before the chorus.

You’re smiling like an idiot because he’s just so stupid and lovable.

“I WOULD WALK 500 MILES AND I WOULD WALK 500 MORE~!!”

He’s screaming so loud that you can’t believe his vocal chords haven’t snapped.

Maki starts doing the rope-pull thing and you play along and go to the car.

Yes, you guys sit in the parking lot screaming that song together until it ends.

Honestly, everyone at your workplace just thinks your husband is the coolest guy ever.

Daisho – Daddy by PSY

Probably thought he was the funniest guy on the face of the Earth when he pulled up to your job blaring this song. He looks like a real cool guy, too.

Sunglasses, short-sleeved shirt to show off muscular biceps, slicked hair.

Ya man has the whole shebang.

You just stare at him, jaw dropped when Daisho turns to you with a smirk. He’s nudges his sunglasses down a little to look at you over the rim.

“Hey, babe,” he greets, too casually for your liking.

The music is so loud that you barely even hear him.

His smirk only stretches wider when he sees your growing embarrassment.

“C’mon, you like my body, just admit it!” he calls.

You get into the car before he can keep talking. You quickly roll up your window but the other three are still down and you know in your heart that there’s no escaping your husband’s will to embarrass you.

“I’ll get payback.”

“Sure you will, babe.”

[masterweaverx]

So anyway I think that the heroes are going to snatch control of Atlas right out from under Salem and Ironwood’s noses. It’ll take a few episodes, but it’ll happen by V8′s end. Here’s the probably inaccurate spiffy:

Ironwood and Salem are busily playing army and being absolutely ignorant to their own and each other’s underlings thinking maybe they’re in the wrong. So while they think they are controlling the Battle For Atlas (TM), everybody else is going to be trying to save people. Emerald’s going to get to the lamp first(ish).

Emerald: JINN! I must ask you something! Jinn: For reasons related to metaknowledge I like you a lot kid, so I’ll warn you to word your question very carefully. Emerald: Well... shit, give me a minute. Jinn: Time’s frozen, I’m magic like that. Take as long as you need.

Exactly what Emerald asks is up in the air, but it’s probably either ‘what is Salem hiding’ or ‘how can Cinder be freed from Salem’ and either way Jinn will make it clear Emerald needs to get to Ruby, so Emerald shrugs cause she was totally going to jump ship from Salem anyway (woman is dancing murder, literally) and so she waltzes out to pick up Oscar and then they run into JYR.

Yang: You framed me! Emerald: Yeah but I’m good now. See? Saving kids, got the relic-- Ren: I HATH SEEN HER VIBES, AND SHE DOTH BE GOOD NOW. Yang: Wait but how do you know it’s not an illusion? Ren: YOUR VIBES DOTH PROCLAIM AFFECTION FOR THINE PARTNER, OF DEEP AND INTENSE KIND, YET YOU DOUBT YOUR VALUE TO HER-- Yang: Okay okay I believe you! Oscar: Hey I’m kinda bleeding to death can we escape already?

And as they rush out of the whale, there is DRAMA in the Schnee mansion. Ruby’s panicking over Penny, and because Penny came in hot she can’t touch her with her bare hands so she’s getting Weiss to summon up some remote gloves for Emergency Robot Surgery and totally ignoring that pain in her heart. Meanwhile Klein’s patching up Nora--

Nora’s Past: Excuse me, sir, I need to reveal myself now. You don’t mind do you? Klein: This girl is pretty badly hurt, so I do rather mind-- Nora’s Past: Not to worry, I won’t interfere in your healing and you can have a conversation that sets up a future plot point.

And Blake and May are talking about how they robbed people to save people and Blake’s kinda trying to hint maybe that the situation’s pretty bad up here without offending May who is really just this close to exploding.

May: If you can’t give me one good reason to stay I’m taking the jet down to Mantle! Whitley: Jacques has a work computer in his office, maybe you can reactivate Mantle’s heat from there? May: ...fuck it get me some cocoa.

And indeedily, it turns out that there are programs to reactivate the heating grid! And switches to flip the direction of the Mantle/Atlas chute system! And a bunch of other stuff that’ll help Mantle, and May’s getting into it when she hits THE JACKPOT. You know how Jacques got elected a councilman? And how he got some key codes for that? Well, being the brilliant genius that he is, he put those key codes on his home computer and nobody’s thought to erase them since his arrest. Which means May can spoof Atlas systems to think ONE council member is doing things!

[Interlude with Cinder going aircar shopping, surprisingly easy when the city stores are abandoned. She has a run-in with the Glass Unicorn, which does not survive. We get a close-up of her face, and she’s frustrated that this isn’t satisfying her.]

But only having one councilmember’s codes isn’t enough to do more than move some people around the subways to safer places--great and all, but won’t solve the problem. If they had more control of Atlas’s automated systems, they could maybe do something, but the only way to do that is get more councilmember control codes. Like a majority. That’s two codes, and there’s no way to--

Blake: Wait doesn’t Ironwood have two seats? May: Yeah but he’s not going to work with us. Blake: We’re already spoofing Jacques’ codes, we can spoof Ironwood’s. May: We’d have to get to the terminal in the military compound! Blake: ...or the one in Atlas Academy. I need to make a call.

Cut to team FNKI, not at all chillin’ in their dorm. They’re ticked for so many reasons, they’re antsy, Neon gets a call from Blake and listens for a bit before saying ‘hey everyone wanna go infiltrate the Headmaster’s office and save Atlas?’ And Flynt’s like ‘You know what, sure.’ And four teenagers with attitude Power Ranger their way through some very confused soldiers and then Ivori puts on his hacker glasses and says--

Ivori: Oh crap guys. Ironwood only put the Headmaster codes on this terminal. Not the military council codes. Neon: Paranoid bitch. Ivori: Also he knows we’re here now.

Meanwhile JYR and their new pals (who may or may not include Hazel and Neo, depending on how effective Oscar is at handing out redemption arcs) have a bit of a tiff over the whole ‘recruiting bad guys’ thing and Emerald’s like ‘Guys fine arrest me but I literally have all the knowledge you need and for plot reasons we need to go to the Schnee mansion now’ so Winter’s like ‘Oh shit! I hate plot in my house!’ and she checks the clock and yeah, there’s PLENTY of time to hop over before the bomb arrives and, hey, probably fugitives, so dad Ironwood can’t yell at her for this!

[Interlude with Fiona and Joanna, who start characterizing each other and mention Important Plot Details that will probably come into play in the next volume but the fandom’s all going to speculate about how it’ll come into play this volume because we’re like that.]

So back with Ruby, she’s managed to juryrig Penny back to life and there’s this big emotional moment and Ruby has a breakdown and Weiss is all ‘I’m not equipped to handle this shit but I’ll try anyway’ and Penny has a breakdown and Weiss is like ‘yeah okay, cuddles and comfort time, come here you crazy girls’ and THEN Whitley bursts through the door and shouts ‘GUYS GUYS TEAM FNKI’S ON TV AND THEY’RE SAYING SWEAR WORDS!’

Neon: I’ve come to make an announcement: James Ironwood is a bitch-ass motherfu-- Ironwood: Okay this teenage rebellion is stupid. Luckily it’ll be easy to take back control of Atlas Academy because I am always right and never miss anything. Random Intern: But Sir! Aren’t You Worried They Will Hack Atlas’s Systems? Ironwood: Allow me to exposit on how impossible that is and how they would need three council codes to make a majority that could let that happen. Camilla, in her office: YO BITCH! REMEMBER ME?!

That’s right, Camilla’s noticed this TV broadcast, put together the pieces, and as scared as she is of Ironwood she’s noticing that he’s not really doing so hot fighting Salem so, what the heck, she’s going to tell everyone that Ironwood killed Sleet and he’s a treasonous traitor and soldiers should totally turn to Robyn Hill. Because she just sent her own council codes to ALL FOUR OF THE HAPPY HUNTRESSES. Also she says this is a pre-recorded message and she probably got killed by her doorguards.

[Meanwhile, the Hound gets a smoothie. It’s plot-detail flavored.]

Ironwood rages, but it’s okay! He’s got Robyn’s scroll! So he’s got the codes, he’s still in control aaaaaand Fiona’s already changed the password. But you know this plan is totally going to fall apart without Robyn, who’s trapped in her cell, so he marches down there to kill her before she can become a problem and comes face to face with Cinder God Damn Fall.

Ironwood: Get out of the way, I need to kill that woman. Cinder, flipping him off: Fuck you, Atlas scum, I do what I want! Hardlight generator: Hey why are you reaching for me scary lady OH GOD THE PAIN I AM DEAD THE PRISONERS ARE FREE BLEGH-- Watts: Let’s get out of here while they’re fighting each other! Cinder: ...yeah, that, that was totally my plan, yeah.

So Cinder and Watts skedaddle and the soldiers are like ‘uh should we catch them’ and Ironwood’s all ‘WE MUST KILL ROBYN’ and Robyn has no idea why but she’s not going down easy and Qrow’s screaming how Ironwood’s just the worst and Jacques is cowering in a corner because everybody has guns. Realistically a whole bunch of soldiers are able to easily subdue Qrow and Robyn and Ironwood gets ready to kill them when suddenly--

Raven: Looks like I need to save your weak ass, bro. Robyn: Who’s the hottie? Qrow: A fucking bitch. Raven: Yeah, okay, but I brought Tai along so... Taiyang: Anybody want a brownie? No? Fine. Sic’ em Zwei.

Obviously the might of the War Corgi (and yeah, the Spring Maiden, sure) is enough to get Robyn and Qrow to safety, and they also snag Robyn’s scroll on the way out, and Robyn gets informed of basically everything in one long ‘thank god you’re back’ speech by May who is REALLY tired of wrangling all these teenagers and their drama, but she’s interrupted when the Ace Ops land at the Schnee mansion and bring in their drama and should they turn on Ironwood like Camilla says and Blake says some stuff about ‘did you promise the man he is or who he pretends to be’ and Penny also has lines and there’s so much yelling--

Watts: According to my notes, Penny’s at the Schnee mansion. Cinder: My orders are to deliver you to Salem. Watts: But Cinder, there’s a lot of plot at the Schnee mansion right now! I know you looove ploooooooot! Cinder: Are you trying to tempt me to do a dumb? Watts: What can I say, I’m mischievous. Cinder: ...okay, you can drive yourself right back to Salem--I mean it! Drive STRAIGHT BACK, don’t get yourself CAUGHT AGAIN, and you tell her that you ordered me out. Watts: You have my word! Watts tells Salem Cinder totally abandoned him of her own free will.

So Cinder Fall strides into the conflict and she’s all smug--right up until she sees EMERALD IS WITH RUBY and she just flips out like ‘what the shit! What the shit girl what are you doing?!’ And Emerald says ‘I’m doing this for you! Allow me to begin my melodramatic speech about--’ Cue the Hound smashing through the window with a horde of Grimm and suddenly everything is chaos nobody knows who’s on anybody’s side Penny’s being fought over by everyone and--

Penny, eyes red: THE VAULT--Aaaaargh! Ruby, watching her fly out: Oh yeah, she was hacked, right, forgot. Cinder: The Hound: The Ace Ops: JNOR: RWBY: TRQ: May: Robyn: Kids, go after her, we’ll clean up here.

Everyone RUNS OUT OF THE SCHNEE MANSION and it’s a race to get to the Vault using every method they can and Cinder’s melting the ground and getting into fights left and right and the Ace Ops are showing their true colors by getting random citizens out of the way and meanwhile the Happy Huntresses are coordinating everything in Atlas AND Mantle and it’s all chaos but it’s clear that Ironwood’s not in control and then--

in the vault--

there he is, holding Penny’s sword. And he’s picked her up and started literally banging her against the door because the vault won’t open--

Cinder: Yo, moron, you need to do it right. Cinder: *Whips out a frying pan and conks out Ruby* Cinder, sweetly: Penny, if you don’t open that door I’ll melt her booooones~!

Welp, there’s no way to solve that hostage situation, so Penny reluctantly opens the Vault of the Winter Maiden and it looks like, oh no, somebody bad is going to get the staff, when all of the sudden--

Nora: THIS is what I’m good for! Nora’s Past: Go get ‘em girl!

Nora just catapults herself into the vault, grabs the staff and--before anybody can react--gets it to land next to Mantle. And THEN the Ace Ops come in and say ‘yeah, uh, Ironwood, totally under arrest for being stupid’ and turn off the hackersword which lets Penny get Ruby away from Cinder. Cinder’s right ticked so she reaches for the staff with her Grimm hand but, in a fit of realization, Nora decides to use the staff to regenerate Cinder’s lost arm (which destroys the Grimm Arm entirely).

Cinder: Wait... what the fuck? Why’d you do THAT?! Nora: I have complicated in-character reasons but the truth is I’m setting up a plotline for you to doubt the path you’ve chosen so you’ll turn on Salem down the line. Cinder: Well now I’m feeling existential. I think I’ll go back to Salem and whine about this whole crazy day.

So anyway the volume ends with reinforcements arriving, Robyn the new leader of the Kingdom of Mantle, Ironwood locked up for being a moron, Salem just totally blindsided by the complete upset of the board, and Nora offering to regenerate Yang’s arm. Yang says no because she gave up her arm for something precious and her new arm was a gift plus it’s awesome plus her sister’s dating a robot so saying ‘I don’t like metal arms’ is kinda hypocritical.

....

And then in the stinger Cinder’s staring in a mirror and Pyrrha says ‘Hello again.’

[zhuilingyizhen]

agents of shield x mdzs au

This is the qUaLitY content y’all get from this blog. Also see me spamming friend about this AU. It’s junior-centered, with a dash of wangxian. This is basically a more in-depth version of what I gave my friend lol

After getting kicked out of SHIELD for questionable experiments involving Kree blood, Wei Wuxian was spying on Hydra (lead by Wen Ruohan) by infiltrating them as a scientist. However, being Wei Wuxian, he neglected to tell anyone since he got kicked out, so everyone thought he betrayed them.

So he’s at Hydra, befriending Wen Qing & Ning, and realizes that they’re good people.

But he got caught giving info to Director LXC, so Wei Wuxian makes his grand escape. He may have accidentally knocked over a terrigenesis crystal while trying to escape the Nightless City.

The terrigenesis crystal may have turned a little boy into an Inhuman (the first time anyone went through terrigenesis) and that little boy (Wen Yuan) may have accidentally burnt down the entire Nightless City.

At least, that’s how WWX explains it to Lan Wangji when he gives LWJ a child to take care of.

So, with Wen Yuan in SHIELD custody, Lan Wangji adopts him & renames him Lan Sizhui. He’s still a child (I don’t know why I keep referring to him as a little boy?? He’s like 12-ish??).

So Wei Wuxian goes off to re-join the remnants of HYDRA because they let him experiment in peace & he gets to keep an eye on them for SHIELD (even though he’s an ex-agent).

But before that, he vouches for WQ & WN to join SHIELD. And though many people there are suspicious, they do have a vacant spot for a doctor now that Dr. Wei is gone & WQ is quite good. They bring WN along too.

Meanwhile: Lan Jingyi is getting abused my his mother & his dad is working across the country so life is quite sucky for him.

Thankfully, his family has connections to one Lan Xichen (who learns about the abuse eventually) and Jingyi gets into SHIELD Academy. What he doesn’t know is that he comes from a line of people with Inhumans genes.

Which may or may not how been why Xichen was visiting.

Anyways, Sizhui & Jingyi meet at SHIELD Academy (both around 13-14?) and Lan Qiren is about to get more headaches.

Eventually, he (now 16) gets told why he was accepted on the first place & asked if he’d like to go through terrigenesis. He’s like “ok” and boom vocal mind control.

That’s actually inaccurate; he has the power to manipulate people with his voice. He has to learn how to control it though.

Wei Wuxian rejoins SHIELD! Lan Sizhui meets the person who saved him all those years ago. yay.

Little did they know, Wei Wuxian was expieriemnting with terrigenesis while he was gone but shhhhhhh-

Now onto Jin Ling’s backstory, cause his is a doozy.

Jiang Yanli got Inhuman genes from her mother. So did jc, but his powers & stuff come into play later. Wwx is their adopted bro, but due to circumstances that will be explained later, Wwx & jc are estranged.

Jyl and jzx raise jl for most of his younger childhood (until he’s about 7-8) when evil HYDRA people come in & kill jzx and kidnap jyl for Inhuman experimentation. Note, she has the genes but isn’t an Inhuman (yet).

Ling is very sad and Jiang Cheng swoops in to take him in. Jc actually worked at as a SHEILD agent back from before lxc was Director (coughxichengcough) but left when his sister was kidnapped so he could try to track her down & save her. Instead he gets his nephew.

Jc also takes over his parents’ buisness to get a source of income.

And jc goes through the woes of being a parent up until he also gets kidnapped by HYDRA. Jl also gets nabbed, but HYDRA separates them

Wwx may have been expierimenting but he tries to do it without hurting any of them, and he validates it because he prevented many people from getting cut open by explaining to the HYDRA heads that they’re most useful alive. It somehow works.

In fact, wwx is assigned to jl. The HYDRA people know wwx’s relation to jc & jyl, so they don’t tell wwx that they kidnapped jc & jyl or that they’re literally in the same facility.

Since wwx was assigned to jl, he basically helps him undergo terrigenesis and tries to determine his power.

Wwx also doesn’t know that jl is kinda his nephew. But he pities him, so he maybe helps jl escape, but in a way so that no one realizes it because he still has his cover to maintain.

(also, I forgot to mention: jyl’s kidnapping caused jc & wwx to become estranged).

So wwx may have had a very loud conversation near jl’s cell about some of the exits and also teaches jl the basics on his Inhuman ability. maybe the device he uses to control jl’s powers happened to malfunction in the middle of the night.

Ling, not knowing that wwx is helping him, uses his power (energy manipulation) to break out and makes a run for it.

He manages to escape (wwx had a very detailed convo about the building’s layout) and gets the hell out of there.

Jl’s smart enough to realize that since HYDRA knows where he lives, that he probably shouldn’t go back home.

He really wants to get his uncle back (and maybe his mom, but he’s not sure she’s still alive) but has like no idea how to use his power to do anything except bomb stuff. & that only works like half the time.

Jin Ling is about to kill a bitch but then he remembers that his uncle gave him an address to go to if anything ever happened (remember, jc is an ex-SHIELD agent so bad things happen quite a lot).

Meanwhile, despite his carefulness, wwx got caught and HYDRA is deciding whether or not he will die. Wwx, being the genius he is, takes all his stuff and gets the fuck outta there.

He decides to go visit his kinda-boyfriend (that he may or may not have been ignoring for like 13 years), lwj back at SHIELD. He also wants to see how the Wen siblings are doing.

So WWX goes back to SHIELD, only about an hour before Ling arrives. In jl’s defense, he had no idea that the entrance to a secret government organization was a quaint little music shop.

He just kinda... walks in, and everyone is freaking bc they have been breached but sees him and thinks “huh he kinda looks like jc” and then lxc thinks “oh no what happened this time”

Lxc introduces himself and jl (being the second best matchmaker here, second to only lxc) accidentally reveals that jc talked about him before.

Lxc is pleasantly surprised (gay) and asks jl to come with him into his office so that they can... chat.

On their way, they pass by the science lab. Wei Wuxian, who just came back to base, is happily walking along with Lan Sizhui, when all hell breaks loose.

Remember when I said that wwx was quite secretive about helping? And that jl is still upset bc he never got his uncle back and he can’t lose another family member, not to them?

So obviously jl does what anyone would if you saw the guy who forced you to undergo a life-changing event and was involved in the organization that kidnapped two of his family members and killed his dad: he attaccs.

If you also remember, I mentioned that jl has no fucking clue what he’s doing. All he knows is energy and boom boom.

And the mini-explosions only work in close range, from what he’s seen. So in his anger, he unlocks a new skill: energy shots.

Wei Wuxian took cover like the second he realized who was attempting to kill him and screaming at the others not to kill his assailant no matter how annoying he was.

Lan Wangji sadly wasn’t at base, but Sizhui was, and he can certainly hold his own against Ling, especially since Sizhui has had more time to train with his power.

Luckily, Jingyi swoops in & uses his voice to force jl to stop. They handcuff him and lxc drags him away into his office.

It’s safe to say that the science lab corridor is fried.

That’s basically how jl got introduced to SHIELD (he eventually joins and learns the truth about wwx, which makes all their past interactions quite awkward).

Now we have Zizhen, who comes into the story after the two Lans have become agents but before the whole Jin Ling fiasco occurs.

Sizhui & Jingyi were sent to see if Agent Ouyang Xingyun (@yoitsamy’s oc older sis of oyzz)‘a family knew where she was because she was on a undercover mission & didn’t check in with her contact last week. + she didn’t contact SHIELD so Director LXC was worried.

They look through the window and everything is a mess, so they kick down the door and try to find anyone. The whole place is torn apart, like people were fighting there.

In the upstairs bedroom, they find Ouyang Zizhen & four of his younger siblings huddled together in a corner, protected by a forcefield-like shield. Once they realize the Lans aren’t a threat, the go back to SHIELD HQ and put in a room there until they can figure out wtf was going on.

Apparently, Zizhen unlocked his powers w/o terrigenesis when they got attacked by someone who was looking for his sister and used it to protect his siblings. They hadn’t seen their big sister in weeks.

So the Lans have a new case to solve, SHIELD has two new Inhumans with off circumstances, and Lan Wangji is one Xichen away from killing Jin Ling.

[laylacooke]

Don��t Be Suspicious || Luce & Layla

timing: Late July, Midnight parties: @divineluce & @laylacooke summary: Luce & Layla have an unexpected meeting in the woods in the middle of the night. 

The one benefit that had come out of the fidget spinner ordeal had been the ability to throw out claws and teeth when a fight came. Partially transforming hurt, but it had become easier when it came to needing protection. However, it was the fine art of fully transforming at will, that Layla was focused on. It had been something that had scared her greatly for multiple reasons. The immense pain of shifting, being one, but the fear of killing somebody again, being the biggest. It’s why her need to find a good place in her head and her heart where she could have full control over the shifting was important, and it’s why she had ventured out to White Crest National Park to try and work on her werewolf skills on her own. However, having been in the same spot trying to focus had led to nothing but frustration, which eventually led to Layla letting out a frustrated growl that echoed through the trees.

“Get back here, you piece of shit--” Luce growled as she ran through the woods, her lungs burning as she chased the creature down, her sword haphazardly rattling in its sheath as she pursued the monster. It wasn’t anything particularly hard to handle, just your run of the mill ghoul-- but still. She’d been running in the forest a few nights ago when she’d realized that she was being watched, being followed. Which is why she was back here now, turning the tables. She’d been through so much bullshit; she didn’t need to add a ghoul stalking her back to her cabin to the list. As she ran through the trees, a growl rang out through the woods, startling her. “What the fuck?” She said, as she slid to a stop, staring through the darkness around her. “Someone out there?” Luce asked. Or was it something?

Falling to her knees in pain, the young werewolf still couldn’t figure out the way to fully shift voluntarily. What was she doing wrong? Every full moon it came naturally leaving her broken and sick, until the animal took over giving her new life, but right now, all she could feel was newly formed fangs and claws which left her mouth aching and her hands sore, “Why won’t you change?!” The frustration running through her blood left her clawing and gripping handfuls of dirt before flinging it into the distance. But a voice stopped her from doing anything else. Animal instinct forcing her to sniff the air, Layla’s yellow eyes darted around looking for the culprit. The scent of a human and the sound of their heartbeat gave the young werewolf what she needed to go hunting, but she still had control and knew she had come out here for a reason, “I don’t want any trouble, okay?” Her eyes scanned the forest as she climbed back to her feet, “I just came out here to hike.” Yes, it was partly a lie, but maybe it would be enough to get the person to leave.

As Luce made her way through the trees, she saw a fallen form in the middle of the woods, clawing at the dirt. Stopping in her tracks, her hand instinctively went to the hilt of her sword. Not that she thought she’d have to use it, but… after that shit with the demon voice changing Santa in the woods and her run in Shocky Mc-Fuck-You, she was wary of things that lurked around the woods. Even though the national park was one of the safer places in White Crest, it never hurt to be careful. But, when a voice came from the crouched figure, she relaxed, hand resting on her hip instead. “You hurt or something?” She asked, wondering why this girl was out here in the middle of the night. Luce was looking for trouble, but not this kind. She was in the business of fucking up some of the ghouls and monstrous creatures that roamed the woods, not rescuing injured hikers. But, if she had to, she would. “You fall and twist your ankle?” She asked, clicking the small flashlight secured around her arm, the beam cutting through the darkness. 

Layla kept her head turned and her fists clenched. The last thing she had wanted was to scare this woman, or worse, get into a fight with her. If anything, the redhead just wanted to be left alone. Find her peace and go back home. Ari and Ulf had probably been wondering where she was at, and Indy needed to be fed, “No, I was just out. Wanted to see the stars. I hear it’s pretty in this area at night.” Her face was aching from the fangs and blood seemed to drip down where they had forced their way out of her skull and gums. It was her heartbeat that was keeping them out, along with her claws. The fear of what this random person might do to her. However, before she could turn her head quickly enough out of the path of the light, she felt it hit her eyes and reflect off of her yellowed hues revealing that she wasn’t exactly human.

“Uh huh.” Luce said, nonplussed by the words. Out. To see the stars. It sounded a lot like the excuses she had made when Roland had caught her out in the woods. Well, she wasn’t a cop and she wasn’t going to go bothering some random girl in the woods if she wanted to be out here alone. With a shrug, she was about to move on with her night, make some comment about staying out of her hair when she saw the flash of yellow in the girl's eyes, a familiar shade she’d once seen glint in Ulfric’s. A werewolf. Huh. Well, how about that. “Just wanted to see the stars huh?” She said before tilting her gaze up. “The moon’s really bright tonight. Pretty.” She said with an offhand comment as she leaned back to look skywards, the sword on her hip glinting in the moonlight. 

It was too late, and there was no use in turning her head. The woman had clearly seen what Layla was. It was apparent in her voice and the comments that were coming out of her mouth. The glint from the sword caught Layla’s eye, and she slowly started to back away, “Please. I’m not out here to hurt anybody. I didn’t think anyone would be out here this late, and I knew it would be a good time to...try and figure some things out.” She didn’t want to outright say what she was. It was clear this woman already knew. Her heart was beating a little harder in her chest at the fear of what might happen, and she had started to pant.

As the girl began to back away slowly, it didn’t take a genius to realize what had her spooked. Ah, shit. Luce let out a sigh and held her hands up. “I’m not a hunter, don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you. I was just out here,” She paused, not sure how to answer. She’d literally just said she wasn’t a hunter. And she wasn’t. She was just out here… trying to make the woods a little safer, deal with some pesky ghouls that had a knack for making a mess of things. “On a hike. And in a place like this? It never hurts to have protection.” She said with a shrug. “Are you sure you don’t need any help? You don’t exactly look like you’re in good shape there.” She said, glancing at the way the girl’s hands were inhuman and gnarled. 

The woman had a point. The woods of White Crest weren’t exactly the safest and knowing that reasoning made her feel a little less stressed. However, Layla still wasn’t fond of being around someone with a huge sword, “I guess that’s a good point. No pun intended...” She looked down at her hands, “Um, they should heal up on their own when my stupid claws go back in.” She hated not being able to have full control over herself. It made her unsure and leery when she was forced into certain situations. Layla’s intent was never to hurt anyone. As a werewolf, she couldn’t control that hunger. She had tried, but as a human, she was determined to keep those around her as safe as possible, even if that spelled bad news or pain for herself, “So hiking in the middle of the night huh?” She was starting to become a little more comfortable knowing that the woman’s vibe wasn’t really as hostile as she once presumed it to be.

Watching as the girl looked down at her hands, Luce cracked a crooked grin at the joke. “Like I said, I’m not going to hurt you. Just gonna have to trust me on that one.” She said. There was a certain irony in the fact that she was meeting another red-headed werewolf-- seemed like Ulfric wasn’t the only ginger wolf running around in these hills. But she wasn’t about to out him to some random werewolf in the woods. “Well, as long as they heal up fine, sounds good to me.” She said with a shrug. At the further question, Luce raised an eyebrow. “That’s what I said, right? Insomnia’s a bitch.” She said. She wasn’t even going to attempt to explain what she was doing out here. Besides, she had a feeling getting rid of the local ghoul problem wouldn’t do much to reassure the girl that she wasn’t a hunter. “Besides, you’re out here too, kid.”

“Yeah, I got that. Look, these things...I can’t make them go back in.” She held up her hands flashing her claws. “That’s why I’m out here. Trying to learn how to control what I was forced to become...” Her words kind of trailed off. Layla hated being a werewolf. She had learned to forget what she most of the time, but when it would come creeping back in, the regret held heavy in her heart. Shaking off that same feeling that seemed to be coming in stronger than before, she looked Luce in the eyes, “Yeah, insomnia is an absolute bitch.” Letting out a soft sigh, she decided a truce was in order in case they were to run into each other again in the future, “Name’s Layla. Consider this my way of trying to draw some kind of truce that if we see each other out here again, we either go our separate ways or are friendly to one another. Thoughts?”

At the girl’s words, Luce’s eyebrows raised even higher. What she was forced to become? What, was she some kind of bite victim? Luce didn’t know much about werewolves outside of what Ulfric had told her over drinks from time to time, but she’d only ever known born wolves. Then again, she had no idea what Ariana was, but she wasn’t exactly going to ask the girl. She had a feeling that talking about the girl’s background might… bring up some bad memories. The thought of Celeste, of their brief date in the woods not all that far from here, came back to the forefront and Luce shifted uncomfortably. “A truce? You make it sound like I’m out here trying to start shit. I already said I wasn’t gonna hurt you. Twice, in fact. So, chill.” She said before shaking her head. “If you try and go off on me, you won’t like it. But whatever, kid. Next time I see a red wolf running around, I’ll look the other way.” Luce snorted. 

Geeze, she reminds me of somebody, but I just can’t… “Uh, excuse you, I didn’t come out here sportin’ a huge ass sword. Who carries a sword anyways? This isn't King’s Landing.” Fucking bounty hunter. That’s who she reminds me of. “And I guess we’re not doing the name thing, huh?” Layla’s claws and teeth were beginning to go back in. Feeling threatened went out the window. “And if I see someone carrying a big ridiculous sword on their hip like Jaime Lannister, I’ll look the other way. So, I guess we’re on some sort of mutual ground. And don’t worry, I wouldn’t expect you to shake on it.” 

At the girl’s comment, Luce let out a short sigh before shaking her head. She honestly didn’t want to start shit with a wolf, she really didn’t. Ulf had warned her that wolves could be dangerous, and here was a young girl who’d been turned and was sitting there with her claws and teeth out. Not exactly someone she wanted to fuck with. “Luce. And yeah, I’m not about to shake on it.” She made a scratching gesture with her hands before pointing at the girl’s hands. “Sure. Mutual ground works for me.” With a sigh she jerked a thumb over her shoulder. “Well, if you’ve got this whole… tooth and claw situation on lock, I’m gonna go.” She said before backing away from the girl, returning into the darkness of the forest. The ghoul problem would have to wait for another night-- when there weren’t teen wolves in the woods.

[mysterioh]

ᕼEᒪTEᖇ ᔕKEᒪTEᖇ - [2/8]

Pairing: Cop!Bucky Barnes x Cop!Reader

Summary: The year is 1989 and what better to prepare for the next decade than with a killing spree? A string of gruesome deaths has thrust the city of New York into absolute mayhem and terror causing intoxicating fear to settle within the niches of the city’s underbelly. Having used up every trick in the book and earning nothing, Police Commissioner Stark seeks the aid of the NYPD’s most elite task force.

A force of two.

A reticent genius and a cheeky casanova.

WARNINGS: Death, Murder, Graphic Depictions of Violence and Gore, Language, Usage of Drugs, All the makings of a Crime Show.

Written for @captainscanadian 1k Writing Challenge!

Masterlist

A Recording

11:22 AM

New York City Police Department - 88th Precinct

Brooklyn, NY 

Saturday, October 14, 1989

“You can’t do this!” 

Tony slams his fist on the desk in frustration. 

“I don’t see why I can’t,” Fury responds calmly through the phone.  

“This is my jurisdiction, I run things around here,” Tony retorts with a sharp edge to his words.  “I don’t need help, especially from two kids.” 

Fury sighs deeply. “Really now?” he asks with a mocking chuckle. “And how far have you come in your own investigation?” 

The line goes silent. Tony knows the answer, but he’s unwilling to reply. Despite his inadequacy, he remains obstinate in his opinion as he sits perched on his office desk. Teeth clenched. Lips tugged down into a scowl. Finger twisting around the telephone cord violently. 

“Have you found the killer?” Fury asks another question. “I’ve checked the files, you have nothing,” he snaps at him. “I want answers, Stark. I need results. I need whoever the hell it is that’s running around killing people behind bars. And what have you given me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” 

Tony pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a slow exhale. “If you give me more time I know my team will be able to do it,” he assures. “I don’t need those two to do it.” 

Fury chuckles haughtily. “You’re new around here, Captain,” he states. “This isn’t sunny Malibu, this is New York.” 

“I grew up in Manhattan,” Tony replies boldly. “I know exactly what it is.” 

“Then I suggest you quickly learn to accept help when help is given,” his stalwart says firmly. 

“Those two are more than qualified for this job. They’re not kids, they’re fully trained and capable agents. Both the top of their class with mastery in the sciences and combat. They’re goddamn geniuses,”

Tony rolls his eyes and scoffs silently. 

“If anyone is going to crack this case, it’s them, and if you do anything to get in their way. I can assure you it will not end well for you,” Fury threatens with emphasis on each word. 

“Do I make myself clear?” 

Tony sighs exasperated and turns his head to look through the blinds of the window. His eyes narrow, shooting daggers at the two detectives. 

“Crystal.” 

------

“So the last shall be first, and the first last.” Peter reads off the photograph. “What does that mean?”

“It’s a bible verse,” Bucky tells him. “Written in the gospel of Matthew. It means that those who have prospered through wickedness will fail in the end and those who do good works will earn salvation.”

Peter and a few other officers stare at him, silent but judging in their expression. 

“What?” Bucky asks. “My grandma used to take me to church with her every Sunday when I was a kid.” 

You shake your head with a sigh and examine the photographs pinned onto the bulletin board. 

“Harold Tucker. Age forty-seven. Died October 6th.” you read off.

“Rebecca Reid. Age fifty-five. Died five days later.” 

“Louis Clark. Age forty-two. Died October 13th.” 

Bucky gasps. “And on Friday the 13th. What an unlucky day for her,” he shakes his head in pity.

“Oh god, don’t tell me you actually believe in that bullshit,” Tony growls as he approaches them. 

“I don’t,” he shrugs. “But it seems to be more than just a coincidence.” 

“Coincidence or not. They’re dead,” you deadpan. “Repeatedly stabbed in the chest and left to die.” 

“But the writing on the wall?” Peter asks again. “What does it have to do with them? They’re just ordinary people. Law-abiding citizens.”

“Did you run a background check?” Bucky asks, turning through papers in Louisa’s file. 

Peter nods. “Yeah, all clean. I think old Harry had a DUI somewhere but that’s about it.” 

“Maybe it’s something not written on paper,” Tony suggests, coming to stand next to you. “Something more personal?” 

“We all sin. Some more heavily than others,” he notes. “Maybe, the killer has his own sense of justice. He’s taking the law into his own hands.” 

“That’s highly unlikely,” you shut him down quickly. He glares at you. “In a city of over a million, how would you even know who to pick?” you question. “They aren’t mindlessly killing people. These are targeted victims.” 

“Y/N’s right, they must be connected in one way or another,” Bucky adds, “the writing on the wall speaks about justice but to the killer, it must mean more than that. It’s revenge. They are people who have done something to him and now it's his turn to get back at ‘em.” 

Rhodey shrugs. “Makes sense to me.” Tony elbows him in the arm. He looks at him confused. “What?” 

The captain sighs, returning to the board. “Moving on. Our lovely perpetrator decided to name themselves.” 

“The children of Oedipus,” Bucky finishes. 

“Oedipus was—” you started

“The man that killed his father and married his mother,” Tony interrupted quickly. “We know the story.” 

You huff, returning his earlier glare. 

“He had four children,” Bucky chimes in, trying to ease the tension between the two. “Eteocles, Polynices, Antigone, and Ismene." 

“Does that mean there are four killers?" Peter asks. 

You open your mouth to speak only to be stopped by the receptionist. 

“Captain, we found this box outside the station,” she walks to the group with it. “It’s addressed to you.” 

“Me?” he asks. 

She nods and hands him a plain cardboard box with a white name label plastered on the top. He takes it with a raised brow, looking at his comrades before ripping the tape off. He lifts the flap of the cardboard box to reveal a single Panasonic Cassette Recorder wrapped in a newspaper. 

He takes it out. “It’s a tape recorder.” 

Rhodey scans the newspaper. “This is today’s paper,” he states. 

“There’s a cassette inside,” Tony notes.

“Play it,” you tell him. 

He places it on the table and presses the play button. 

The black tape begins to roll and they all listen quietly to static, waiting anxiously for something to happen. 

“Heyo! It's me, Polynices!” a spritely boyish voice greets. 

“Don't forget me, Antigone!” a girl speaks from behind. 

"We are the children of Oedipus!" he informs with pride."Cursed from birth and doomed for destruction!" 

"Lemme guess your first question is who are we really?" Antigone asks. "Too bad, we can't tell you or it'll spoil all the fun.”

Tony scoffs with a turn of the head. 

“Now that we finally have your undivided attention and some new faces to help,” Your head whips towards Bucky to find him just as confused as you. “How about we play a game, huh?” 

"Let's play Cops and Robbers!” Polynices exclaims like a child. "Where you're the cops and we're the robbers. All you have to do is catch us. Sounds pretty easy right?” 

“Super easy!” Antigone chirps. “Since this is our first time playing, we’ll give you an easy riddle to catch us in the act.” 

"Let's see if you can get to 'em before we do, huh, Captain Stark?" she asks, her tone shifts dramatically from childish to taunting and dangerous. 

“Here's the clue for today,” she states. "What walks on two legs in the morning, then four at noon, and three in the evening and never stops?”  

“The hell does that mean?” Rhodey murmurs. 

“You have till midnight tonight to solve our riddle,” she states. You can hear the wicked smile in her voice as she speaks along with the devil snickering in the background. 

"Happy hunting!"

8:15 PM

Montague Apartments

Brooklyn, NY

Saturday, October 14, 1989

-

It's early morning, the sun comes out

Last night was shaking and pretty loud

My cat is purring, it scratches my skin

So what is wrong with another sin?

-

Music blasts from an old stereo that sat on the kitchen counter and bounces off the old stained walls of the apartment. High-pitched guitar riffs threaten the glass in the cupboards into cracking as the deep bass of the drums makes tabletops vibrate, rattling the objects around the house. 

Charlie, the orange tabby, digs his face deeper into the blanket left in a pile on the couch as the raspy voice of the lead singer screams in his ears. You sit next to him, slouched into the squeaky sofa, feet resting on the rickety coffee table, completely unphased by the music. Your eyes were glued to the wall that was stickered with photographs and red lines of thread twisted around thumbtacks running in every direction.

Three hours left and you still couldn’t figure it out. 

"What walks on two legs in the morning, then four at noon, and three in the evening and never stops?” 

Her voice echoes in your head. They both sound young. Filled with energy and a lust for blood. You were beginning to question yourself. Was there a motive behind it all or was it just a game like the Captain had stated? 

-

The bitch is hungry, she needs to tell

So give her inches and feed her well

More days to come, new places to go

I've got to leave, it's time for a show

-

Bucky walks down the hallway and catches the loud knock on the door. He opens it to find the landlady. A short, stout woman who swore she was still in her thirties, even when the wrinkles embedded in her face stated otherwise. 

The brunette leans against the doorframe and gives her a wolfish grin. His blue eyes gleam under the stale white light of the hallway, charming the old lady. Her heart beats rapidly like a teenage girl under his alluring gaze. 

-

Here I am, rock you like a hurricane. 

Are you ready, baby? 

-

“Mrs. P, how’s it going?” he asks smoothly. 

She straightens herself and clears her throat. “I’m fine,” she replies curtly. “I’ve been trying to catch you all day. I’m here to talk about the rent.” 

“The what?” he brings a hand to his ear, I can’t hear you! The music’s too loud!” 

He can hear her perfectly fine. 

“The rent! You have to pay me rent! It’s been a month!” she shouts over the music, “Please turn down your music! The neighbors are complaining!” 

“I can’t talk right now.  I’m in the middle of a very important case,” he replies, slowly closing the door. “It was nice talking to you though!” 

“No! No, wait!” she shouts before he shuts it in her face. 

He snickers as he crosses the living room and into the kitchen. He turns the music down, earning a snap of the head towards him. “Hey!” you protest with a shout.  

“Do you want the neighbors to murder us?” he replies, opening the fridge to find it like usual. 

Empty. 

He slams the door of the fridge in disappointment. There’s no real reason to be disappointed. Both of them were experts in neglecting their household chores.

“Y’know, we should go do some shopping soon,” Bucky says as he walks back to you. 

You grimace. “Someone is going to get murdered in less than three hours and you’re worried about food?”  

“Are you kidding me?” he retorts. “Look at me!” he exclaims, lifting his shirt to reveal a lean torso. “I’m all skin and bones! You’re starving me to death here!” 

You roll your eyes then get up. “I’m not your mother. Feed yourself.” 

“But it’s your job to do the grocery!” he protests with an accusatory finger. 

“Since when?” you ask incredulously. 

“Since we started living here,” he reminds. “Stop acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” 

You click your tongue, walking over to the pantry and take out a bag of potato chips. You throw them at his face and walk back to the suspect board. “Now shut up and let me think.” 

“Thank you,” he smiles warmly and you have a sudden urge to feed him a punch. 

He opens the bag and begins chomping. He comes to stand next to you in front of the wall. “So got anything yet?” 

“No,” you sigh. “You?” 

“You’re smarter than me, Sis,” he remarks. “If you don’t have anything, how do you expect me to?” 

“That’s not true.” 

Bucky snorts. “Whatever you say, Valedictorian.” 

“Shut the hell up, Salutatorian,” you smirked, side eying him. 

He bumps your hip with his, earning a chuckle from you. 

He enjoys the rare moments he can make you laugh. It makes him feel like a million bucks because if he can make the grumpy goth grandma laugh he can make every chick in the city laugh. 

"What walks on two legs in the morning, four at noon, then three in the evening and never stops?” You repeat for the umpteenth time. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s the question that the Sphinx asked Oedipus outside of Thebes.” 

“I know that,” you replied. “But what does it have to do with us?” 

“The answer was man,” he takes another chip into his mouth. “And it ended up curing the city and made Oedipus king.” 

You hum bringing a hand to your mouth in contemplation. “Wait a second,” your hand falls. 

“What?” 

“The riddle. It’s different,” you dash over to the bookshelf, scanning through them to find the collection of Greek Tragedies by Sophocles given to you by an old professor friend. Bucky comes over and looks over your shoulder. Flipping through the pages and skimming through the words with a finger, you stop when you find the scene of Oedipus and the Sphinx. 

“See,” you show him the passage in the book, “here it’s a four-two-three progression. The stages of a man’s life. An infant in the morning, an adult in the afternoon, and an old man in the night.” 

“They changed it,” Bucky says. "That means the answer isn't man anymore.”  

"The "never stops" in Antigone's riddle was clearly added," you pointed out. "So they are alluding to a place that’s open twenty-four hours." 

"This is New York!" Bucky throws his arms in the air in exclamation. "The whole damn city is open all the time!" 

"Runs at two in the morning, four at noon, then three at night and never stops,” you repeat softly. 

Silence settles in the room as the two of you dig deep into the crevices of your mind. Unfurling through files and tidbits of information that could give even a minor lead. 

tick - tock - tick - tock

The clock echoes the beat of your heart. Eerily calm. Heavy and systematic. Achingly slow. Reminding you that every passing minute wasted here was the countdown to someone’s last. 

Bucky’s head whips towards the map of New York hung on the wall by the suspect board. The bag of chips in his hand drops to the floor as he makes his way to it. Your eyes follow him in confusion. 

"2-4-3,” he murmurs, scanning the map.

"What?" 

"2-4-3!" he exclaims, turning back to you with a dopey smile. 

"Speak words dumbass!" you hiss. 

"Don't you get it?” he asks, a chuckle coloring his word. “The 2-4-3!" 

Your eyes grow wide in epiphany. "The 2-4-3!" 

Bucky runs towards the door, yanking his coat off the hook on the wall. "C'mon, let's go!" he shouts. "We don't have much time!"

A/N: No, I have not been listening to 80s music for the past three days. 

TAGLIST (OPEN): @murdermornings @chuckennuggets1213 @miraclesoflove @marshyrebelcloud​ @fckdeusername @undiadeestos @spiderrpcrker @welovecaptainamericaass​ @flyingowls​

[henrikvanderswoon]

Double the Kill: A Nancy Drew Play Written by 12-year-old Yours Truly - Readthrough Reactions

Okay, guys, I went through two cups of super strong coffee reading through this thing and I think I can hear colors now so… Have fun reading this!

I sincerely haven’t read this thing in probably ten years and I legitimately forgot almost everything about this play I wrote for myself and my twin/two best friends to perform. We used to write plays for each other all the time, as well as play Nancy Drew games together, so… this was all very fitting.

Anyway, this is a super long one and I APOLOGIZE but also I hope you enjoy reading this thing as much as I enjoyed writing it 😂

Okay, for starters, this story is titled: “Double the Kill” for two reasons that I can remember: (1) someone actually gets murdered, and (2) someone beheaded the Lincoln Memorial statue. 

…

You know when you’re in middle school and you’re assigned some topic to research for a project and suddenly you have this stupid amount of knowledge about something you don’t know what to do with? 

That’s what happened here. 

Anyway.

So, apparently I didn’t know what the word “pervert” was when I was 12 (poor, sheltered creature) so I legitimately named a character Blake Pervey and I’m gonna fling myself into the sun. 

Oh my gosh, I wrote up a case profile for this, complete with character roles and everything. Incredible.  

Let’s provide that for you guys:

The Case: Billionaire Erving Nickels is holding a benefit concert at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C., where the band “One Love” will be performing. Erv senses trouble, so he calls Nancy Drew and her best friend Bess Marvin to watch out for anything “suspicious.” But about an hour before the concert’s about to start, One Love’s lead singer Terri James is found dead near the Lincoln statue and the head of the statue is gone!

Contact: Erving Nickels - a billionaire who’d arranged the benefit concert. He asked Nancy to come and watch for anything “suspicious.” 

Suspects: 

Erving Nickels: Goes by Erv, for short. As it turns out, this man has actually gone bankrupt recently. Could he go to desperate measures to gain back his wealth?

Blake Pervey (I still want to die): One Love’s back-up singer. Terri had broken up with him recently because he’d attempted to cheat on her (huh, maybe he really is a pervert after all). Did he murder her to get revenge and take her place as the lead singer? 

Lyza Benton: The make-up artist. Lyza is always on the prowl for the next juicy gossip to spill to the press and gain publicity. Could she have killed Terri to create the ultimate story?

Myra “Ryan” Williams: One Love’s guitarist. She was the person Blake had attempted to cheat with, but she’d refused. Terri didn’t believe Ryan’s story and blamed her for everything, which caused the two women to hate each other.

Victim: Terry James

Okay. Already this is a little better than “Murder at Turquoise Inn,” because there are actual suspects with actual motives??? aMAZING. 

Wow, Nancy’s a bitch. She didn’t even tell Erving that Bess was coming along. 

Erv keeps saying that he thinks something bad is going to happen tonight, and Nancy and Bess are both like,“Can you please explain why?” And he’s like, “I just have a feeling.” Like boi, that’s sketch. 

Bess: “Sorry to change the subject, Mr. Nickels.” 

Erv: “Please, just call me Erv.” 

Bess: “No thank you.” 

Bess…I know Erv is a weird name, but…why? 

Mr. Nickels is taking Nancy and Bess on a tour, right? And I keep peppering in random facts about the Lincoln Memorial I learned for school and it’s SENDING ME. 

“I’ll watch and wait for our groovy band to arrive, while you girls split up and watch for suspicious activity. Now, let’s boogie!”

Asfbadka Erv, no one talks liKE That! 

I would just like to take a moment to preface the rest of this post with the fact that I wrote this for me and my friends, and we were always writing the stupidest dialogue for each other because we thought it was hilarious. Um…which hopefully explains lines like these: 

(1) No one calls Erv Nickels, the handsome billionaire, “Darling.” Except his mother.

(2) [We’re going to change.] No, don’t change. We like you guys just the way you are. *laughs obnoxiously* 

…

I hate myself. 

So Blake and Terri arrive in the limo and let me tell ya’ll Blake is definitely flirting with Erv right now and I’m so fucking confused. 

Terri: That man’s got problems. I guess money does that to people. 

Blake: But we have money and we don’t have problems. 

Terri: Maybe it only happens to men.” 

Blake: But… I am a man. 

Terri: Exactly.

Okay, you can tell my love for writing banter was here from the fuckin get-go. 

Oh god, now Blake is flirting with Nancy. Fuckin hell. I may not have known what the word “pervert” was when I was 12, but this man was aptly named. 

Suspicious, suspicious.*Mocking* ‘Can you girls watch for anything suspicious?’ Something suspicious, yeah right. Oh look! A BUG. Oh, soooo suspicious.

Bess…. I love you. 

Okay, as dumb as everything is in this thing, some of this dialogue is fucking cracking me up so hard.

Bess: No! Honestly. I swear, it’s almost like he’s trying to keep us busy so something bad can happen.

*A faraway scream cuts in from offstage*

*Nancy and Bess look off in the direction it came from, way too casual*

Bess: What was that?

Nancy: I dunno. 

*They pause, then their eyes widen in realization* 

Nancy: Oh crap.

Listen, I know I’m a comedic genius, but this is getting out of hand. Dsbfsjkdsjfbk

Bess: Mr. Nickels! What woman was screaming so high like that?

Erv: That was me. 

I CAN’T BREATHE. 

I saw Terri lying there on the floor, apparently dead. 

Erving… the woman is DEAD. What do you mean “apparently?” 

Nancy and Bess find a letter Terri was going to give to Erving to tell him she can’t do the concert because she also felt like something terrible was going to happen to her, and all Bess can do is repeatedly laugh at the word, “Flee.” 

Hey, too bad “Honest Abe” is missing his head, otherwise he could tell us whodunnit.

Wow, yall. Bess is my favorite. 

You know, the funniest thing about this is that you can definitely tell how many of the games I played between writing my horrible novel at the age of ten and writing this. If this thing had better dialogue and more fleshed out story/characterization, I could picture this as an actual game, not gonna lie. 

And… maybe if it didn’t involve removing the whole-ass head of the Lincoln statue…

Yanno, tiny details like that.

Lyza: *laughing* Scared you, didn’t I? 

Bess: Oh, “scared’"is such a strong word. I’d say more… "severely startled.”

So Erving reveals to Nancy that he’s actually not dumb as bricks, but puts up the facade because he’s broke and doesn’t want anyone thinking he’s not still super rich and air-headed. I’m crying. 

You sensed something bad was going to happen. You should have called the police to stand guard! Not some amatuer teenager who calls herself a detective and her little friend!

…. The pervert has a point. 

So Lyza likes to meddle in people’s business. Ryan had written about Blake’s advances in her journal and Lyza blackmailed her about it, Terri blamed Ryan for Blake’s attempted cheating. Blake tried to bribe Ryan into going out with him by telling her he’d discovered a way to get his hands on a fabulous collection of priceless jewels, and Terri broke it off with him. He’s upset, Ryan’s pissed that Terri thinks she went along with Blake, Erving borrowed money to organize the benefit concert (in order to benefit himself) and now he’s in even deeper debt because the concert has been cancelled and Lyza is having a fuckin field day. 

BOY AM I ON BOARD FOR THIS SHIT.

Before he came into wealth, Erving worked in a museum in Chicago, and Bess finds a piece of paper on the floor of Ryan’s trailer with the phone number to this exact museum. Nancy calls to see if there is any connection between that museum and the Lincoln Memorial and apparently there’s a theory that the head of the Lincoln statue contains jewels that the museum talks about in a part of their exhibit. 

*kronk’s face* Oh yeah. It’s all coming together.

Nancy: For all I know, you could be the murderer. 

Erv: Why would I do that? I needed the money from the concert!

Nancy: No you didn’t. You could’ve just–I dunno–stolen the head of Abe over there in search for the ALLEGED JEWELS INSIDE.

Ya’ll… please don’t ask me how the FUCK one person would get tools to remove that head without anyone noticing. Please. 

Blake: Hey, guys, have you seen Ryan anywhere? 

Nancy: Why? You gonna ask her out again?

Kjdbfisfdosidnf FUCKIN’ SAVAGE, NANCE. 

oH MY GOD THE CULPRIT SLIPPED UP SO EASILY I’M SCREAMING. 

oH my god, Nancy told Erving they needed something to pick the lock on one of the trailers and he’s all: “Like a bobby pin?” And just takes off his hat, removes a bobby pin, and “lets his long hair cascade down and over his shoulders like a waterfall” and I’m crying. I can’t fuckin’ breathe.

Oh shit, wait… the first culprit was actually covering for the real culprit all along I’m losing my mind. My twelve-year-old brain was so advanced I just threw a curveball at myself sjdbfshdbfagh

Okay, so I’m not gonna spoil anything because I think it’s hilarious to keep you all wondering what the fuck is going on and who the hell did it and why, but I would just like you all to know that this play literally ends with one of the characters singing Hannah Montana’s “The Best of Both Worlds” completely off key because I thought it would be hilarious and I think that really tells you a lot about who I am as a person.

[mind-of-a-hardstan]

i’m curious; what are some of your fav fics for each member? - comet ☄️

Ohhh I like doing stuff like this. Just a little warning though, most of ‘em are probably going to be some older fics because I sadly haven’t been reading as much as I would like to and another warning is this list is probably going to be very long. Let’s get to it then :D 

Kim Namjoon

Partners by @btssmutgalore is probably my ultimate all time favourite Namjoon fic on this site. I love the way the plot moves in a non-rushed way and I absolutely LOVE how the characters are written. Who doesn’t love a shy, nerdy Joonie bean? 

Five Months by @ellieljade is a fic that I’ve read when I’ve just started on this site and it just stuck with me for some reason. The smut was *chef’s kiss* and then you pair that with bits and pieces of slipped up emotion and clear affection and you have a perfect fucking fanfic. It’s a total 180 of Partners because this one features dom Joonie with a dirty mouth ;) 

Love Bytes by @stutterfly. Clumsy cute English professor Namjoonie silently pining while all of the other guys just won’t stop MEDDLING. Seriously I love how the relationship between Y/n and the boys were written and I love the interaction between Joon and Y/n even more. 

Kim Seokjin

Candlyland by @honeymoonjin. I read this one a few days ago and LET ME TELL YOU it was fucking phenomenal. The plotline was amazing, the story itself was so creative and unique and I love how there were subtle hints to what was going on and then the BIG REVEAL in the end where you just went “how did i miss that?” And the cute relationship between Jinnie and Y/n, clearly a devoted married couple. Not to mention cute lil elf-babie bean Koo. Probably my new fav Jin fic hands down. 

My Type by @floralseokjin. Listen, every Jin fic by her is top notch, but I think this one is my favourite because it was so soft but the smut was impeccable. It features nerdy, virgin Jinnie, which was something that I haven’t seen in a Jin fic before tbh? Very sweet and cute and a favourite since I read it. 

Min Yoongi

Upgrade by @gukgalore is the ultimate Yoongi smut fic. I mean it. 

Empress by @honeymoonjin. This fic was downright GENIUS. I’ve never seen the likes of it before and it left me wanting more, goddamnit. Empress Yoonji is a fucking experience and I’m 110% sure y/n thought the same. 

Jung Hoseok 

In The Car by @floralseokjin​ is another masterpiece. Mechanic Hoseok is a fucking concept. Mechanic Hoseok who also races and is funny and HAS A MANBUN I REPEAT HE HAS A MANBUN. Yeah needless to say this fic had me on the floor. Bonus: they fuck on the hood of his car  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Park Jimin 

Sin City by @btssmutgalore should be read. By every single person. On this site. I fucking MEAN IT. 

Kim Taehyung 

Nude by @btssmutgalore was just really really cute and still smutty. I like the whole internal conflict going on and how it slowly progresses from “I done fucked up” to “eh, screw it I deserve to be happy” yaknow? 

How to Get a Girl Off 101 by @imagination-of-a-melted-bitch was a fic I read before my writing blog even existed and screw it i still love it. It features y/n and her bf Taehyung who agrees to teach clueless Jeongguk how to fuck, honestly I low key love this concept. 

Jeon Jeongguk 

For Science by @boymeetsweevil​ was… quite the fucking experience let me tell you. I binged it in a day and then reread it the next day because I felt like I needed more. It was a shitstorm of pining, hot smut, angst and just Kook being generally bad at feelings. It features the whole gang being nerdy, weird and generally funny. A fantastic read, honestly. 

Switch Lanes by @gukgalore​ was the fic that lead me to her account in the first place. I’m a sucker for healthy relationships being built on trust and friendships and then lead to lots o’ fluff and soft smut so if you are a sucker for that too then feast. 

Monster by @btssmutgalore​ was also something I started reading before my writing account even existed and I’m still foaming at the mouth over it. Seriously Dee just has a certain way of stringing words together in a way that leaves you having to physically restrain yourself from reading for 3 days straight. (I speak from experience, I’m pretty sure my mom thought I was dead when I discovered her masterlist). Monster is no exception. 

I’m going to be a bit cocky and put one of my own fics here too, because it’s my favourite fic that I’ve written and I’m very proud of it, so don’t judge me. Purple Mist & Candlelight is a Joonie witch au that features potion maker Joonie and a subtly pining y/n. I think it’s pretty good. 

Now, I also read fics on AO3 that are mostly shipfics, and I’ll be adding them too because leaving them out would be a crime because they’re some of my favourites, so here goes: 

Heard Them Talk by themarmalade is a fucking masterpiece. It features marten hybrid Joonie and bad boy, rugby player Jeongguk who is actually just a sof boi with a bunny daemon. I cannot even begin to explain the absolute adoration that I have for this fic. Dare I even say it is my ultimate favourite? (namkook)

Got a kiss (with your name on it) by marienadine is another favourite. Roommates Kookie and Tae are pining after each other and feelings come tumbling out when Kook asks Tae to teach him to kiss. The discriptions in this fanfic is impeccable and THIS is the level of writing I want to reach one day. It’s the perfect balance of funny and feelings and the way it’s written is what sets it apart from other fics. It’s truly a masterpiece. (taekook)

Worldwide Lonesome by loindexter is a fic that I read the other day that features closeted bisexual Seokjinnie who doesn’t know how to deal with anything, bi, Yoongi who’s trying desperately to make a change, and somewhere along the lines they fall in love. It’s fluffy and angsty and I cried my heart out at some point. And then I cried my heart out at the end too. If you read this and you see the words “I heard you” in chapter 6, yeah that’s about where I fucking lost it and cried for like a year. (yoonjin)

Found you by Oh_Hey_Tae is a namjin witch au that just… it was so sweet? Joonie is a sad witch who finds lost things and Jinnie is a seer and it’s all just very sweet and sad a beautiful. (namjin)

Bunny Ears by goldenhearts was the CUTEST. Kookie drinks a faulty potion and spontaneously turns into a bunny every now and then. He has no choice but to go to his rival for help and most fluff I’ve ever read ensues. It’s the cutest, bestest, funniest fic I’ve read, Jinnie is unsufferable, Kookie even more so, and I loved every second of it. (jinkook)

Is It Me You’re Looking For? by MoonlitMemories was also such a good fic. I felt for Kook and I just wanted to hug him throughout the fic and Joonie is damn idiot but it’s sort of understandable and it was heart wrenching and perfect and beautiful and such a cute but sad twist on the usual soulmate au (namkook)

And I’m going to stop there because the post is getting too long. These are a few of my favourite things, most of ‘em are smut but not all. They’re all very good and written by amazing authors so enjoy!