#THE REAL JOKES

[mudwisard]

my trick for getting through grad school is learning to navigate the quadrants with all their nuances

[sleeby-bunny]

goddamn gender inflation, can’t have shit these days

[sopuu]

animation of jimmy getting owned in real life

bonus gif of him celebrating i made for funsies :] oh the oblivious bliss...

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[phobos-exe]

one of the most underrated jokes from deadpool and wolverine was when wade gets brain fingered by cassandra nova says "and where the fuck is the intimacy coordinator?" i was the only one that laughed in my theatre

[drusies]

couldnt stop fucking thinking about this all day at work

[brian-kinney-apologist]

how I slept last night knowing that s3 of iwtv is secured, rockstar lestat is happening, akasha is on her way, loustat are endgame, ghost!claudia is a possibility, sam reid is not allowed to cut his hair short for a couple more years, daniel is now a vampire and the devil's minion is real:

[dragon-in-a-fez]

okay so I have this idea for a new therapy thing. basically the idea is after an abusive relationship or a combat deployment or anything that might conceivably leave you with PTSD and a loss of ability to reasonably gauge how bad the shit that happened to you actually was, you sit there with a mental health professional for like, a solid 30 to 60 minutes, you tell them short vignettes of your experiences and they respond ONLY by rating how fucked up each one was on a scale from 1 to 10 and then you move on. the objective isn't to reflect deeply on specific experiences but to get a sustained series of reassurances that what you went through was, in fact, That Bad and gradually rebuild your trust in your own present and future ability to judge when what you're going through isn't okay.

currently calling it Rapid Fire Affirmation and Recalibration Therapy (RAP-FART). working title, open to feedback.

[lastoneout]

Seein' too many Twitter refugees asking if they'll get in trouble for saying "kill yourself" to people and while no, you're not gonna get nuked from orbit, that is maybe something you just shouldn't be doing in general perhaps?? Maybe telling people to kill themselves is bad actually?? Some of y'all are wild, why is the first thing you can think to ask on a new platform if you can send one of the worst kinds of harassment to people?? Grow tf up and learn how to use the block button. It'll do wonders for your mood, trust me.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The squad of all time has arrived on scene.

[codecicle-archive]

Whar does rpf mean 💔💔💔

historians aren't quite sure. Albert Einstein's last words were "rpf is fine" and we've been searching ever since

[chloesimaginationthings]

How Jeff really dies in FNAF into the pit…

[franeridart]

more dragon

[blueskittlesart]

maryland miku

[ninjasmudge]

thats a red flag narinder, get that crown back while you still can

+ top panel without text below the cut

[rollaroundincompliments]