#THE ONE WHO TIRED TO GET ME FIRED
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#that one asshole from work tried to get me fired cause he’s a misogynistic asshole#and my job responsibilities got permanently rearranged because of him#but then the other managers ‘forgot’ to report the change of responsibilities to the rest of the staff#so i got stuck with the burden of the responsibilities i wasn’t supposed to have anyways#which wasn’t a problem at first#but then it became a weekly if not multiple time a week problem#so i got very direct in a if you don’t do something an employment lawyer will way#and oh looky they were immediately able to fix the problem#AND GUESS WHAT#they ‘fixed’ the problem#and employees continued to come to me with problems anyways#and oh wow look at that#the employees actually trust me#they actually value me and respect me (for the most part)#EXCEPT ONE#EXPECT ONE FUCKING EMPLOYEE#THE FUCKING ASSHOLE#THE ONE WHO TIRED TO GET ME FIRED#literally this motherfucker is the only one who consistently tried to fuck with me from the start#he definitely was talking shit about me and throwing mud on my name behind my back several times#a few provable offenses for sure#but here i am; still getting texts from employees cause they know i’ll have their fucking backs#i know this will be a long slow process to take this guy down#but jesus’s christ dude#i’ve been here over 4 years longer than you#i got a degree in this shit#i know what i’m fucking doing#and everyone is copping on to your psycho bullshit right now#i hate you for hurting me and i hate you for constantly trying to throw me under the bus for things i didn’t do#you will get your commupence and that’s none of my business
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: “Me in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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wanted to experiment a bit with my art today !! yaaay !!! ¥_^
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can anyone else hear those bells ominously tolling in the distance ?
★ version without text under cut :
★ lyrics : "Melancolia" – Caravan Palace
#im thinking about changing shrig's design up a bit#tbh . in my eyes . these little ears look a lot sillier on him than the other ones#and uhh i also didn't completely FORGET to draw the crown or anything . i left it out COMPLETELY INTENTIONALLY and for a GOOD LORE REASON#I SWEAR !!!!#oh yeah the background is on fire if i didn't make that obvious enough#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis au#high voltage au#its not exactly canon to the au but whatever . its whatever#who even gives a shit#im too tired to care anymore#i can't even make a good piece of art for the life of me#i know im not supposed to base my worth as an artist around the engagement i get from my posts#but seeing so many cool people on this platform make great art and then looking at mine ...#im utterly disgusted with myself ...#sigh#i was supposed to be studying for a test and writing an assignment that's like a week overdue#and what am i doing ?#drawing pointless doodles that i should have discarded of the moment they crossed my mind ...#i just want a god damn break from my life ...#i want to disappear#genuinely#dhmis shrignold#shrignold the butterfly#dhmis hv shrignold#tw blood#cw blood#tw fire#cw fire
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every time i see a post that is like "ughh why cant we have aspec characters who aren't aroace for once" I have to do a double take like "is the aroace rep in the room with us right now?" because genuinely....where is all this aroace rep y'all are complaining about? Why cant i find it yet it's apparently the only aspec rep we get?? You admit that TV never says the word aromantic so where is the aroace rep. So far I've pretty much only seen canonically asexual characters and not much else buddy.
#text#half the time i think these ppl see other aspec ppl saying that x character feels aroace and then they take it as canon rep#instead of an interpretation of the character which likely was never meant to be written as aspec at all#because majority of people don't even know what that is#this isn't me saying that we shouldn't have aroallo or alloace rep btw#this is me complaining about people throwing aroace ppl under the bus because apparently we are 'hogging' all the representation in media#and it just reads as people being aphobic towards aroace people specifically and it drives me insane#you can ask for more aroallo and alloace characters without complaining and shitting on aroace characters????#like bro we are all on the same fucking team. we are all trying to get seen and understood. we all want to see ourselves in media#stop fighting like one of us is somehow way more privileged than the other because 'you have x rep'#we all have crumbs my guy. just because someone else is getting crumbs doesn't mean that its your crumbs being taken.#idk i see so many posts like this and it makes me feel so unwelcome in the aro and ace communities#im tired of aroace people being used as a scapegoat that you can target to pretend like you're punching up#when in reality you're just committing friendly fire against people who are on your team#i miss when the aro and ace communities used to like... work together as a big aspec community#now ppl r way too focused on separating them and acting like they have nothing in common and don't have the same goals#and both communities now tend to put a lot of blame onto aroace people because of stereotypes we never had control over in the first place#it's exhausting#like the aphobia is coming from inside the house#i didn't go through the ace discourse on tumblr to deal with this shit.
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Me reading after the 6.02x10²³th Qinter fic where Moon is written so violently out of character and is just seen as an overly jealous and manipulative person because the author hates how Moonbli messed up their cute wholesome dragon yaoi ship
#It's actually wild how horribly women get treated by fans of MLM ships#Especially with love triangles and whatnot where the gay ship is clearly one of the more popular options#It's just so tiring seeing it happen all the time#I know that Moonbli is canon and they don't like it but just...c'mon man Moon wouldn't do or say any of this#She's not a gaslighting manipulative monster who wants Qibli all to herself#I know that it's mostly younger authors writing this sort of stuff but it still wears me down#wof#wings of fire#qinter wof#moon wof#qibli wof#winter wof#sp-rambles
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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being jewish with zero affiliation to israel and rather a generational line of activists for palestine is a hard line to walk and sometimes i wish i could just fall off
#i hate zionist jews i hate i stand with israel signs in my neighborhood i hate leftists who write and speak and act like theyve never met an#actual jewish person in their life and believe that were all genocidal monsters (in spite of our own genocide which i assume will eventuall#flip around to leftist holocaust denial) i hate that people are blaming israeli civilians for the faults of their deeply corrupt government#i hate that i cant say zionism is inherently antsemitic without getting fucking maimed i fucking hate it here the world is on fire just#fucking let me burn#anyways#sorry#free palestine#any other#jumblr#girlies (gn) relating to my vent#bc im started to feel ashamed of myself my culture and my people#and its such a fucking shitty feeling#like i can barely look in palestine / gaza / etc. tag without seeing blindingly blatant antisemitism coming from left right and center#like just say you hate jews and fuck off#i cant look at this shit anymore fuck#idk why im so worked up about this rn i just. btwn weeding out all the zionist blogs i didnt know i followed and just being so fucking-#and weeding out all the antisemitic leftist blogs i didnt know i was supporting its all just crashing down#im so fucking tired#and im so fucking tired of having to defend myself any time i talk about the jewish experience in any of this#and im so fucking tired of people equating judaism with religion only#and im so fucking tired of the double standard of also equating with only one race#like there arent jews of every race#the reason you cant see any of this shit is because nearly a century later were still dealing with the aftermath of the 6mil person murder#were always at the cross roads of some ridiculous double standard or the scapegoat for when things are going badly#like fuck i just#dont want to have this fucking identity anymore it makes me a walking talking breathing living fucking target#idk what to do I'm just#desolate
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i hope you’re safe in your line of work. i’m sure it’s very difficult work and dangerous. it’s also very hot and sexy that you’re a firefighter so it’s really cool that you’re so brave
Well I'm still not dead so that's safe enough I guess lmao but this shit keeps dragging on, like it's crazy 😭 the work usually isn't too bad when we're not on incidents tho, like it's mainly just training and playing in the dirt ahdkaksk it's not as cool and sexy as you think it is unfortunately 😔 but I like to pretend it is and I have fun for the most part so that's all that really matters tbh lmao
#not snz#it's so sad seeing some of y'all with firefighter fantasies#and knowing we would crush y'all's dreams if you ever saw the things we actually do and how we actually act 😔#like i wish i was cool and sexy when i work but alas i am but a crusty little gremlin#also almost every single guy i work with is fucking disgusting in some way lmao#like the lack of hand washing is honestly appalling#tho by snz standards some of the shit that happens is actually hot lmao#shoutout to the one person in my dms who gets most of my stupid little fire stories 💙#anyway i am guilty of making exciting/horrifying things happen to my little ff ocs for funsies#but irl for me it's not that interesting ahdakksks like sometimes things happen but generally no and they're not that crazy#i mean i guess it's crazy rn but overall no#anyway ahdkaks#guess who's on night watch again lmao ✌️#they better fucking let me go home tomorrow tho bc i made plans#i wanna see the bestie 🥺#i think it'll be fine tho like I'm not supposed to be actually on an assignment#just driving around and checking on other high risk areas#I'm fucking tired tho#and i wanna be held 😔#allowing physical affection has absolutely ruined me ahdkaksk like what happened to never wanting to touch anybody ever#oh well 😔#anyway holding onto the hope that I'll be sleeping in my own bed tomorrow#i never sleep well even at home bc of the insomnia and it's damn near impossible to sleep anywhere else bc I'm such a light sleeper#so you can imagine i don't sleep out here lmao it's why I'm always on night watch
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this place is a rapidly sinking ship fr
#the manager is a pushover to the customers and it's annoying all the employees#our groomer quit on the spot a couple weeks ago#several other employees have quit unexpectedly#one of the few employees who DID want to be here just got fired for showing up high one morning#everyone else I've talked to is just generally exhausted and tired of all the weird scheduling and poor regulations#and now they're losing business bc a tiktok from a DIFFERENT location went viral and flamed the company#buddy this is too much drama for me not even making 14 dollars an hour.#rn I'm here bc it's the job that I've got but like. I've got no loyalty to this place. if it gets worse I'm jumping ship#I'm leaving as soon as I get the fx job anyway and they don't pay me enough to be worth the pain and exhaustion
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Woke up and all i can think about is how the fable games have 2 different characters named Penelope, didn't show either of them to us, but did let us know that they have both burned a mans house down.
#one doesn't even get a last name 😭#reavers just like “yeah Penelope burned my house down because she found out about Ursula; and Andrew who I was sleeping with died lmao”#and then Chumley gets attacked;stabs the fucker and *accidentally* sets his house on fire while trying to get away from him#how did this happen two times#its also rlly funny to imagine chumley finishing up part 4 of her articles that she was interviewing the guy about#“yeah midway through he transformed into a balverine and trid to eat me but I'm not a little bitch and I stabbed him.”#“Atticus if you're reading this come back here so I can finish the fucking job”#i know i know you're all tired of me talking about npcs#i do not care and will continue to#if its in my head is getting spewed on here
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the concept of having children being so tied into political ambitions and machinations throughout history means that a lot of people do seem to straight up forget that these people were, like, family, and likely acted as such a lot of the time
#personal#a post brought to you by three things#thing one: i got woken up at five am by some kind of fire truck so i'm tired and babbling#thing two: remembered how people get Weird about catherine of aragon and anne boleyn's miscarriages#and seem to completely ignore that for all the dynastic ambitions of it all these were also wanted pregnancies by both parents#and those losses came with heavy emotions behind them as well as physical trauma#and thing three: i tried reading an episode summary of that horrible domina show to see what the fuck was going on there#and what do you MEAN augustus agrees to kill one of his stepsons???? those are his fucking kids!!!!!!#like he's a human being who raised one of them since literal birth and the other since very early childhood!!!!#it makes SENSE that he'd be emotionally attached and view them as his children just as much as julia!!!!#that's just how human beings and human emotions work!!!!#honestly why even tell a story about historical figures if you're not gonna acknowledge their humanity in your writing#instead of making them one note caricatures#(it's why the tudors works and domina can go fuck itself)#(for this and its litany of other sins)#(anyway i'm gonna go back to thinking about augustus and his role as a father specifically that's always a fun time for me)
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#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point#i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one#i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit#and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair#and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again#i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl#and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it#and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill#and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with#and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own#i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person#and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks#also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me#and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now#and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do#and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this#but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me#and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end#anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down
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#protests#france#just me rambling#i'm getting real tired of those posts being like ''in the US we cant protest like the french do cuz we get violently repressed''#it is undeniable!! i am not arguing with the fact your riots got stifled very violently. it fucking sucks#but we ALSO do!! The french government literally got denounced by the UN for its use of weapons and ultra-violence against protesters#just a couple days ago there was a huge protest against an installation that would ruin us ecologically#in a continuation to the pension protests#the cops fired 4000 grenades in two hours.#several of those aimed directly at protestors. which is illegal and very dangerous and can KILL#40 heavily wounded. two people are between life and death.#someone lost an eye. a journalist got hit by a grenade in the leg and is gonna be out of work for 2 months.#one is still in a coma. it's been five days. he might die.#it took two hours for the ambulance to get there for him cuz it got blocked by the cops. which is extremely illegal. but they're cops.#and this is one protest but it's like that all the time#last week a woman got her thumb torn off by a grenade shot directly at her#there literally is a recurring joke among cops about 'losing hands' cuz of the sheer amount of ppl who got theirs torn off like this#i sympathize with americans your cops are fucking nightmares.#but so are ours. we get beaten up and mangled and killed. but we're still out there#stop pretending we only riot the way we do cuz we have it easy. i'm legit going to kick your ass#i didn't distribute eye drops to my fellow teargassed protestors last week in my tiny ass city to be told we play on easy mode#anyway. grabbing my medic kit and going out to protest again in an hour. what will You do?
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"Please."
Rowan kept approaching, the bearer of some inescapable doom. And she knew that she could not outrun it, and could not fall on her knees and beg for it to be undone.
Rowan stopped within reach but did not touch her, his features hardening again-not from cruelty. Because he knew, she realized that one of them would have to hold it together.
When I tell you my stomach DROPPED when Rowan turned around & proceeded to tell her about Endovier💔🖤😭🫥 with THAT FINAL LINE
#Heir of Fire#HoF#Rowan Whitethorn#Celaena Sardothien#Aelin Ashryver Galathynius#Elentiya#Endovier#Calaculla#spoiler alert#Sarah J. Maas#Sarah J. Maas quotes#TVD gif credit to og creator#Heir of Fire spoilers#first read#currently reading#reading reactions#break my heart#sobbing#TOG#Throne of Glass series#Maasverse#Throne of Glass#rowaelin#one of them would have to hold it together BREAK MY SOUL WHY DONT YOU#he gripped her arms as if he could stop her from falling into the abyss IM DEAD INSIDE#I’m getting tired even for a pheonix#she knows grief so well it broke my heart for her me & everyone who’s lost someone cause u know it’s that’s where I was when I got the call#the daughters of the fallen kingdoms
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Misc white haired OCs! (all different plots except Nene/Koko who are brothers)
Eclipse > an ancient being who is in charge of seven other beings who are constantly reincarnated. he exists to rope in some person to gather the seven others and then that person is meant to imprison them/end the cycle but everyone keeps getting attached to the seven and can't bring themselves to "kill" them so they opt to restart their lives and reincarnate them.
Yugo > the unluckiest guy who tries to go to a fortune teller to see if his life will get any better. While walking in her shop, he gets spooked by something and knocks over a crystal ball which releases five souls that then possess him. Now those five can all possess him and control him and he's just like "honestly idk what I expected".
Bryant > only partially white haired but I've never drawn him digitally before and it's so funny to me that his ref is pencil scribbles and notes. He's a god of murder. Named Bryant. And I think that's very lame of him.
Nene and Koko > brother cat spirits who can appear human or as a split-tailed cat. When Koko is a cat, he's soooo fluffy that the human they hang out with dubs him "Snowball" and when Nene gets all hissy over it, the guy is like "awww it's ok you can be Snowflake as a cat" which. Naturally makes Nene more angry. Oh well.
Amira > very side character in a plot and is a blind prophet. Has a brother named Ravi who watches out for her and protects her from social interactions most of the time. Because of this, she's shy and rather inept at social situations. She can pinpoint the topic of her predictions pretty well but sometimes the clarity is harder to see for her if she tries to pinpoint it too much.
#eclipse is hilarious to me cause hes just so grumpy he just wants SOMEONE to gather the seven#and to just let them rest in peace forever cause then HE can rest in peace#but no everyone just haaas to get attached to the seven losers#and also those seven losers are all named after weapons#while there is also a group of seven being searched for by another duo that is named after various moneys#yugo is my son he is such a good boy and tragically is a case of head full too many thoughts#he has too much going on in his head and hes constantly miserable#the souls inside him are like... an amnesiac / a cop / a college student / a high schooler / the guy who killed the college student#the college student has no idea that one of the spirits is his murderer but they clash a lot and yugo is v tired#if you ask yugo if he has any abilities to act as self protection hes like mmmmm not legally but i know how to fire a gun#cause the cop is like yup i got this just go get a gun and youll be safe#and yugo just ???? WHERE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET ONE? SIR????#im not really gonna talk about the others i just really like eclipse and yugo bye
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