#THE NEW SEASON ISN’T EVEN OUT YET AND WE��RE ALREADY WINNING SO HARD | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hxt1b · 4 years ago

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Let’s Just Let it Go

Doyoung x Reader

Genre: Angst, some fluff (it’s there I swear) CollegeAU (HockeyPlayer!Doyoung)

Warning: MATURE CONTENT/DARK THEMES, drinking (drink responsibly please), SMUT, swearing, TW sexual assault.

WC: 11k

Song Rec: when the party’s over by Billie Eilish

Accompanying Stories: As Long As I’m Here, Isn’t It Lovely All Alone.

Masterlist

Hockey AU Masterlist

A/N: You do not have to read all the stories to read this one. You can read this as a standalone, however reading the other two will give a better understanding of the backgrounds of the characters so if you do read all I’d suggest reading the other two first. However, by all means this can be read independently you will still understand the plot and everything without reading the other two. Lastly, please excuse the grammar, I read it over but still some things may have slipped through.

“You keep condoms in your wallet?” You asked looking up at him. Doyoung’s head was swimming, but then again that much alcohol would do that to you.

“Would you rather I didn’t have one right now?” he asked his words slurring. You shook your head. Doyoung smirked returning his attention to opening the packet and putting the condom on. He pushed you into the wall again, grabbing you from the back of your thighs forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist as he pushed into you.

“Fuck,” He grunted as he began to move in you. To be honest, Doyoung didn’t remember your name, he had asked, but he couldn’t recall. You’d met a couple of hours ago in the packed club, Doyoung was seeing double of everyone by the time his eyes landed on you, keeping his steps stable was a feat as he made his way over to where you were dancing, drawing you in however wasn’t that hard. You were just as drunk as him.

Your arms looped around his neck as you filled his ears with breathy moans. Doyoung was so far gone, his mind was empty as you tightened around him. A few more thrusts and he came, letting his head fall into your shoulder as he did. You stilled against him; he didn’t really know if you finished. But he was too drunk to care. After getting his breathing to even out slightly he pulled out of you.

“Well,” He said as he carefully took off the condom, “Thank you I guess.” He looked around the bathroom locating the garbage can and tossed the used condom into it. With that, he left the bathroom not looking back at you. He was still stumbling seeing two of everyone one that passed by him.

He laughed to himself as he ran into a chair. But it was better this way, he didn’t remember anything this way. Kim Doyoung could successfully say that he had just wrapped up the most unmemorable summer of his life. Unmemorable because he was drunk throughout the entire thing, but it was okay because not once this summer did Doyoung think about the girl that cheated on him. Not once did he think about Yuta, the man that he looked up to. The one that slept with his girlfriend. Nope, they didn’t even cross his mind.

But they did.

Every damn day.

---

“Get up.” The voice pounded in Doyoung’s head and a hand reached out and shook him. He grumbled. Slowly opening his eyes, he glared up at Kun. He watched as his friend rolled his eyes at him.

“We have practice.” Doyoung pulled his blanket over his head, he shouldn’t have drank last night. “Come on.”

What a new kind of hell he’d entered. He’d told himself that once the hockey practice started, he’d be fine. He wouldn’t drink, Yuta had managed to graduate, he’d avoid his ex, the campus was big enough. He could still avoid his ex, she wasn’t even on campus yet. Only the athletes were here a month before everyone. But the not drinking once hockey started, that didn’t happen, so he told himself when the semester started, and today after practice the semester started, he would have to stop drinking and his ex would be back.

He groaned again throwing his covers off of himself and getting up. His head ached with each step he took towards the shared bathroom. They had moved, this house was bigger but they still needed to share a bathroom, well at least Ten, Jaehyun, Jungwoo and himself did. Kun upon stepping into the master room with the huge en-suite pulled his new captain status on them and took the damn room.

“You’re just waking up?” Jaehyun asked him, as he passed the younger boy in the hallway. Doyoung didn’t respond just walked past him keeping his head down.

Getting into the bathroom he looked at himself, taking in his appearance, he had a huge hickey on the side of his neck, how he got it was a slight blur to him. He remembered flashes of the night only. His hair was sticking out into a million directions he looked awful, he looked sick. Looking away from himself he grabbed his toothbrush and got ready for practice, he was gonna need a gallon of coffee.

Hockey was an escape, he could be as brutal as he wanted on the ice, he was itching for a proper game so that he wouldn’t have to hold himself back he couldn’t bang up his teammates. He needed a game.

Well, it was an escape until the new guy opened his mouth.

“Hungover again Kim, why am I not shocked?” Doyoung sneered at the man lacing up his skates as he walked into the change room. His hands clenching into fists at his side, but he didn’t reply, because he was hungover, and this guy was the only one that called him out on it. Because he was the only one that didn’t know. Yet, it didn’t make Doyoung hate him any less.

What kind of a nickname was Winwin anyway?

Rolling his eyes Doyoung dumped his stuff into his cubby taking his gear out and getting ready for practice.

“Ignore him,” Kun said from his left.

“I am,” Doyoung replied.

On the ice, Doyoung couldn’t deny the new kid was an ace, why he transferred to their school he couldn’t say. He used to play for the team that they lost to last year, one step away from the cup. But that school had a killer roaster, this kid being one of the beasts on it, but here he was. Skating towards Doyoung with the puck. Their coach was ending this practice with a scrimmage, the hockey season would be starting in a few days and the coach claimed that this would re-charge everyone’s competitive sides because this was their season.

He let him get close before he began his chase, letting Winwin come to him before blocking his path he hit him into the boards. It wasn’t a hard hit, but it was a hit. They both lost the puck as Winwin bounded off the plexiglass and slammed his hands into Doyoung’s chest.

“What the fuck man?!” He asked. Doyoung shrugged, their coach was yelling as he skated over. Kun already there grabbing Winwin as he glared at Doyoung.

“What on earth are you doing kid?” The coach barked at Doyoung.

“Sorry I just got into it.” He said not feeling sorry at all. Maybe he wasn’t doing the best job of ignoring him.

“Apologize to him.” He mentally scowled, he didn’t appreciate being treated like he was a toddler.

“Sorry.”

“Okay get off the ice, shower. Practice is over!”

“Dude you gotta relax.” Ten said skating next to Doyoung.

“Why the fuck do they even call him Winwin?” Doyoung’s irritation was evident “I fucking hate the guy.

“It’s because he fucking Wins, they use to call him their lucky charm ‘Winwin.’”

---

Loneliness was a part of life that you accepted long ago, it was something that just came with your life. Your parents were rich, and they shouldn't have had kids, because they couldn’t give two shits about the two children they had. So, loneliness wasn’t an issue for you not until the reality settled in that this wasn’t loneliness it was abandonment and that was a hard pill to swallow. Looking around your dorm you took in your roommate's side it was decorated in whites, it kind of hurt your eyes but you weren’t going to say anything. It was better than being stuck in an apartment with your brother. You felt bad when you left him alone in the huge penthouse seeing as you were the reason that the two of you were here. But you couldn’t take it there anymore everything reminded you of the fact that your parents didn’t care about you.

Your phone rang pulling you away from the anger that was bubbling up inside of you at the thought of your parents. Being replaced by a growing laugh as you looked at the caller ID. Your brother.

“Hello.” You answered.

“Want to move back yet?” He teased.

“No, I do not I actually like it here.” You replied getting off your bed and beginning to pace your room. He laughed, the sound making you smile.

“I was just teasing. I called to ask if you wanted to get lunch together today?” He asked. You frowned.

“Sicheng, you aren’t eating with your teammates yet?” Your tone not hiding your disappointment.

“No,” he replied curtly.

“Be nice to them, be friends with them.”

He ignored you, “So are you going to eat with me or not?”

“No, I’ll be eating with my roommate.” You answered as she came into the room, she smiled at you having heard what you said, and you smiled back. Despite her obsession with white, you actually really liked her. “Speaking of whom, I gotta go now.”

“Fine.”

---

By lunch, Doyoung was starving, having not had time to eat after he showered in the change room. His stomach was grumbling loudly when he took his seat next to Kun at their table in the cafeteria.

“You know I’m shocked by how good the cafeteria food is here.” Mark, a first-year rookie, said drawing the attention of the table.

“Yo same, people complain a lot about cafeteria food I was actually stressed.” Hendery another rookie agreed.

Doyoung nodded, “We lucked out.”

“Yo Winwin, come sit here!” Kun yelled from next to Doyoung making him turn his head in the direction Kun was yelling in. Winwin stopped in his tracks and looked over at the table. Doyoung glared at the side of Kun’s head, but Kun ignored him.

“Be nice,” Kun muttered to him as Winwin sat down across from him at the only empty seat on the table. Doyoung did his best not to scowl. Doyoung retreated into his own brain as the table continued to chat. He focused on the broccoli on his plate. He didn’t dare look around the cafeteria.

Fuck looking at the insufferable cocky bastard in front of him, he was afraid he would see his ex. Ever since practice ended in the morning he was on edge; he didn’t want to run into her in a hallway again he was afraid because he didn’t know how he’d react. He wanted to say he wouldn’t care that he’d just walk by her and maybe he would, but he felt like he wouldn’t the risk was too high.

“So, the party is at our place on Friday to kick off the year, that way we can celebrate the four rookies joining our team, along with Winwin coming to us this year and our boy Jungwoo finally hitting the ice in a game,” Jaehyun said, as Doyoung finally tuned back into the boy's conversation.

“So, you’ll come Winwin?” Ten asked. Doyoung looked up at him frowning, the younger boy played with the fries on his plate as he nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll come by.”

“Cool bring friends if you want to.” Ten said smiling at him.

---

Doyoung made it to Friday without a drink, and then he thought about how he promised himself he wouldn’t drink when the semester started. He then re-evaluated his choice and edited his promise, he wouldn’t drink without cause this semester, and a start of the year party was cause. Was it not? The boy in the mirror smiled back at him as he held his cup up to his reflection in a cheers before downing it.

It was most definitely cause.

Leaving his room his body already buzzing he skipped down the stairs, straight into a girl. You. Doyoung looked you up and down, taking in the tight jeans you had on. He liked the way they made your ass look. He also really liked the baby pink top you had on. It was clinging to you like a second skin showing off your assets. Doyoung smirked down at you, for some reason you looked familiar.

“I’m sorry about that.” He said and you scoffed.

“Whatever.”

Doyoung stared at your back as you walked away confused at the reaction he gleaned. He’d never been bad with chicks or at least he thought he wasn’t. He looked over at your friend who shrugged at him before following you.

His house was full of people he didn’t know, and some he did. But he was at ease, this was one place he knew that his ex wouldn’t show up. So, with a quiet laugh to himself, he followed you into the living room. You were standing beside Winwin. He leaned against the wall and watched you interact with his teammate; the interaction was friendly. From the way you reacted to him it was easy to see that the two of you were close.

“What are you looking at?” Xiaojun, another first-year rookie, asked coming up next to him.

Doyoung replied by nodding his head in the direction of the pair, and Xiaojun nodded.

“His sister is hot, isn’t she?” Doyoung froze as the words left the youngers mouth. Sister.

And then it came to him, the image of you pressed against a bathroom wall, with your dress pushed up as he moved inside you. Doyoung mentally facepalmed as he remembered how he left you. Turning away Xiaojun, Doyoung moved out of the living room and into the kitchen. He went straight to the cabinet where Jaehyun kept his good liquor. Pulling out a large bottle of tequila Doyoung looked around for a shot glass. He turned around and straight into Jaehyun himself. Jaehyun looked at him with a ‘what are you doing’ expression on his face.

“I will buy you more.” Doyoung simply said finally locating the object he was looking for. Bringing the small glass over to his spot he poured some for himself. Jaehyun watched him as he tipped his head back downing the alcohol not even flinching at the burn.

“Whoa,” Jaehyun said as Doyoung went to pour himself another one. “Aren’t you trying to like drink less or something?”

“I slept with Winwin’s sister.” He quickly replied taking the next shot.

“Just now?” Jaehyun asked taking the shot glass from Doyoung after poured himself another shot.

“No. Last week.”

“Dude what the fuck.”

“Dude what the fuck indeed.” Your voice cut into their conversation making them both snap their head towards you. Leaning forward you took the full shot glass from Jaehyun’s hand and drank it.

“I didn’t even get to finish.” You said after the burn in your throat subsided. Doyoung flushed as the memory of how he left you in the bathroom flooded his mind. Jaehyun looked at him a shocked expression on his face before he broke into a smile. Doyoung could tell he was trying not to laugh at him.

He scowled in your direction taking the shot glass from you before pouring himself another shot. Jaehyun took it before he could drink it.

“Slow down,” Jaehyun said the previous laughter gone. Doyoung rolled his eyes and moved to walk away from you and Jaehyun.

“You know,” You said moving into his space. The two shots he’d just taken hadn’t quite hit him full force yet. “up until you ran away from me, I was actually having a good time.” Your chest brushed his as you leaned further into him. Doyoung narrowed his eyes but didn’t back away from you.

“Too bad you don’t actually know how to make a girl cum.” You pulled away from him taking the shot glass again. Doyoung glared at the side of your head as you poured yourself another shot. He looked past you meeting Jaehyun eyes again, the boy flat out laughing this time.

“I do, in fact, know how to make a girl cum.” He said. You scoffed.

“I wouldn’t know.” You replied and threw your head back taking the shot. You shot him a wink before walking away from him. Jaehyun only laughed harder when Doyoung looked at him again. Sneering at the younger boy he reached for the shot glass again.

“No,” Jaehyun said grabbing it before he did. “Pace yourself, Kun will slaughter you. You promised.” He regretted speaking to the new captain sometimes, he regretted telling Kun so much, but he did need help keeping himself in check. Doyoung rolled his eyes at Jaehyun before walking away.

For the rest of the party, he couldn’t get his mind off of you. You stuck to your brother and your friend for the majority of the party and Doyoung didn’t like to interact with him more than he already needed to. Taking his eyes off you as you laughed at something your friend said Doyoung looked around the living room, Kun and Jaehyun weren’t anywhere in sight. He could only spot the rookies as they played beer pong in the corner of the room. Getting up from his spot on the couch he made his way into the kitchen again not seeing any of his roommates. Taking his chance, he made his way to the cabinet pulling it open and grabbing Jaehyun’s Tequila again. Your words pounding in his head as he took a shot straight from the bottle.

“Getting shit-faced as usual,” Winwin said coming into the kitchen. Doyoung didn’t look at him as he took another swing.

“How about you mind your own business,” Doyoung said and brushed past him back into the living room taking the bottle with him. His eyes narrowed in on you as you swayed to the music. Doyoung wasn’t in the mood of arguing with Winwin but if he had been he would have claimed that this was nothing compared to how his drinking usually went. He hadn’t had more than a couple of sips of Kun’s drink after the shots he took in the kitchen until now. Walking up to you he caught your attention, your eyes landing on the bottle he held in his hand.

He let you take it from him as he leaned into the wall. He watched you take a drink some of the alcohol flowing out the corner of your mouth.

“Where did your friend go?” He asked as you wiped at your mouth.

“Home. She’s not really into parties.” You replied. Doyoung watched as you licked your lips passing him the bottle back. But he didn’t want the alcohol. His mind running as he took you in, his mind flashing to the night last week.

“That’s a shame.” He replied. Your eyes darkened as he reached out and pulled you to him. “So, you're just here all by yourself now. Hanging out with your brother.” His hand moving to the side of your neck as he looked down at you. You let him, biting your lip as you looked up at him.

“There’s nothing wrong with hanging out with my brother.” You replied.

“No there isn’t except that you aren’t hanging out with him right now, are you?” You frowned up at him and then looked around the room. Doyoung followed your gaze, Winwin was still in the kitchen. Doyoung smiled to himself as you turned your eyes back to him.

“It’s a good thing I came when I did.” You snickered at his words.

“Is it though?” He rolled his eyes at you. That was it, he could not go down in history with this shit on his name.

---

You crashed into his door, your back stinging from the impact but you ignored it as his lips returned to yours. His lips were rough, moving against yours at a bruising rate, you loved it. His hands were roaming your body pulling at your clothes.

“Bed.” You breathed against his mouth. He chuckled at you as he grabbed your hands holding them above your head as he continued to kiss you.

“You don’t get to call any shots babe.” He said, his mouth moving from your lips to your jaw, leaving a start mark on your skin. You moaned tilting your head to give him more space, he took the chance to leave soft kisses down your neck towards your chest. His hands letting yours go as he lowered himself down your body.

He looked up at you as he got on his knees, his fingers grabbing at the buttons of your jeans before undoing them. You watched as he undressed you, leaving you naked from the bottom half as you stepped out of your jeans. Doyoung licked his lips as he grabbed your leg draping it over his shoulder.

He pressed a wet kiss to the inside of your thigh, your breath hitched as you watched him. Your hand moving to his hair. He moaned softly when you tugged on the strands pulling him towards your wet heat. He pressed a kiss to your clit, using his fingers to separate your folds, relieving some of the tension that was boiling up in your body. You moaned when he darted his tongue out, a short lick. Before retreating again and looking up at you. Your eyes glassed over as you pulled at his hair again.

He obliged again, licking up your slit slowly, dragging his tongue through your wet folds. He groaned into you, the vibrations causing you to shiver. Your head fell back against the door and he took your clit into his mouth, sucking slowly. His tongue ghosting over it. You moved your hips against his mouth wanting him to add his fingers. But your words were lost on you, only nonsense flowing past your lips as he picked up his pace. Your moans grew louder as you drew closer, your eyes closed shut as you chased your climax.

His name rolled off your tongue as your back arched off the door. The muscles in your body tightened, as you clambered for a better grip on him. You felt his teeth gently nip at your hard nub and you crashed over the edge, your orgasm taking over your body as you pulled at his hair. He continued his ministrations, working you through your orgasm. Your body was in overdrive as you came down, a lot more sensitive than you previously were. You pulled at his hair again pulling away from you, he scowled up at you as you finally looked down at him. His lips were red and wet. He grabbed your hands as he got up. Pulling you to the bed.

He let you lay down, as he rounded the bed going to his nightstand. He pulled out silver handcuffs. Your breathing shallowed as you took in the steel in his hands.

“No more touching me.” He said as he placed a knee onto the bed leaning over you. He grabbed your hands bringing them up to his headboard. He closed one handcuff around your wrist the cold metal making you hiss as it came in contact with your skin. He looped the handcuffs around one of the metal rungs on his bed before bringing the other one to your other hand locking you in.

He took a second to look down at you, before leaning down and kissing your swollen lips. You moaned into him, his tongue brushing against yours, you could taste yourself on him and it was driving you crazy. Your thighs already moving against each other as your body reacted to him, more moisture pooling in between your legs.

“I probably should have taken this off first,” Doyoung said pulling away from your lips. His hands moving under your shirt pushing it up off you leaving it around your hands, he did the same with your bra.

“But then again, you’re not the most attentive to details, are you?” You teased, he narrowed his eyes at you pinching your nipple, earning a soft cry from you.

“I wouldn’t be saying shit like that right now.” He threatened, lowering his mouth to your breast. You gasped as he took your pointed nub into his hot mouth, swirling his tongue around your nipple before letting it go. He glanced up at you before trailing wet kisses over to your other breast and doing the same thing there. You squirmed underneath him, clenching your thighs tightly as you got worked up again. He pulled back from your chest looking down at your closed legs, a chuckle leaving him as he looked back up at you. His eyes dark, his pupils blown.

Adjusting so that he was between your legs he hovered over you, leaving marks on your collarbone. You hissed moving against him, you could feel his erection through his jeans. You rolled your hips into him savouring the small amount of friction you were getting until he grabbed your hips and pushed them down into his bed. You groaned against his mouth as he pressed his mouth onto yours, his tongue pushing against yours.

Finally, his fingers connected with your core, he slid a finger into you using his thumb to rub your already abused and sensitive clit. A loud moan left you again as your wrists pulled against the handcuffs, the metal biting into your skin.

“Faster please.” You whined trying to move against his hand but not being able to, his hand holding your hip only tightened. You’d most definitely have a bruise there tomorrow. He picked up the pace. He kissed you harder as he added another finger, his tongue mirroring the actions of his hand as he propelled you towards another orgasm, your body seized up again, muscles tightening as you arched up into him. Your orgasm came faster this time, having already been worked up from the previous one. You panted against him as he pulled his fingers out of you, you watched biting your lower lip as he took his fingers into his mouth, sucking them clean.

“I’d say you’d agree, I’m actually great at making women cum.”

---

You walked into the cafeteria the next day for lunch, the hockey team as per usual was in their typical spot. Your brother sitting in the middle talking. You smiled as you neared the table coming up behind Doyoung. Kun smiled at you as you looped your arms around Doyoung’s neck. He stiffened for a second before turning his head to look at you, only relaxing when he realized it was you.

“Your dear brother is right there.” He said to you quietly.

“My brother doesn’t dictate who I fuck.” You replied pressing a kiss to his lips. Doyoung narrowed his eyes at you as you took the empty seat next to him. For some reason, you were really bold around this man, something you hadn’t been in a long time. You looked across the table feeling your brothers’ eyes on you. You smiled at him before turning back to Doyoung, but Doyoung was looking past you. Trying to get his attention but failing you followed his gaze, seeing a girl who was also staring back. You recognized the girl as your neighbour.

“Do you know her?” You asked finally getting Doyoung’s attention. He didn’t reply just pulled your chair closer before snaking his hand around the back of your head and pulling your lips to his. You kissed him back with the same desperation he displayed only pulling away when you needed to breathe. Kun whistled as you wiped at your lips, when you looked at Doyoung he was looking past you again. You threw a quick glance over your shoulder to see the girl gone.

“Doyoung?”

“My ex.” He answered you as he turned to his food.

---

Sitting in your room as Sena, your roommate and you waited for your next class you replayed the way Doyoung had reacted in the cafeteria.

“Sena,” you started looking over at her, “you said you stayed in this dorm last year too?” Sena nodded turning her attention to you. “Did you have the same neighbour?”

“Yeah, why?” She asked, now putting her pen down and turning her full attention to you.

“Her and Doyoung used to date, right?” Sena sighed her eyes moving around the room as she realized what you were asking.

“Yeah, they did. She cheated on him though. I would hear them sometimes, mostly Doyoung, but it was painful to hear. One night. He begged her to let him in for hours and she just left him out in the hall. It was all over campus too, she slept with his teammate. Yuta.”

You bit your lip as Sena turned back to her book, you didn’t know how to react. Being cheated on was a horrible thing but to have it happen with someone as close as your teammate.

“Fuck a teammate that doesn’t know the first thing about being a decent human.”

Your brothers’ words floated into your head. You were confused about how people could just so easily trample over others. You thought about Doyoung’s face at lunch, how quickly he shut off after seeing his ex. Your mind floating to the dark places you tried very hard to hide from as you remembered the last party you’d gone to at your old university.

“Crap Y/N we have ten minutes until class let’s get going,” Sena said as she scrambled to get her stuff together.

---

You saw Doyoung again after class, he was walking across the parking lot to his car. He hadn’t seen you yet but you smiled as you decided to make your way over to him, it was weird that you enjoyed his company only because besides fooling around nothing else had really happened. You made it to his car before he did. So, you took the extra free time to stare at him, you took in the way he scrunched his eyes against the autumn sun, the way the breeze blew through his hair.

“Doyoung!” You blinked your eyes away from him and moved your eyes in the direction of the call. You saw your neighbour again, you quickly looked back at Doyoung as he froze, stopping in his steps. You watched as his hands tightened into fists at his side and his chest rose and fell with deep breaths. He ignored her and continued in your directions towards the car.

“Hey,” You said softly catching his attention. His head snapped to yours as he unlocked his car. He didn’t smile at you just nodded. “You going home?” he nodded again taking his bottom lip between his teeth in a manner that showed he wasn’t happy.

“Get in.” He said as he yanked open his door. You obliged, pulling open the passenger door. You threw a glance over your shoulder. She was still standing there; you couldn’t help but sneer as you ducked into his car.

He was silent as he pulled out the parking lot, his hands holding the steering wheel tightly causing his knuckles to turn white. You leaned forward and looked at the side of his face, you stared, because he wasn’t even turning on the radio.

“Uh, you're being weird.” He said as you tilted your head more and moved closer to his side.

“Am I?” You asked, he furrowed his eyebrows and pushed you back taking one hand off the wheel.

“Tell me about it.” You said settling back into your seat, “Just say what’s bothering you it’ll help and I swear I won’t judge you.”

He stayed silent and you sighed.

“It can’t be worse than not knowing how to make a girl cum.” You joked. He scoffed as he glanced over at you again his face fighting a smile.

“You know that’s not true.” He replied.

“So, tell me.” You insisted again, “I mean I do know that she cheated on you.” You added bluntly. His barely-there smile disappearing again pushing him back into his silence.

“She doesn’t deserve this much from you, you know that?” you said as he pulled into his driveway. “This much energy, and time.” He parked the car, but he didn’t move, both of you stayed in your seats not even unbuckling your seat belts.

“She didn’t apologize, not once.” He was looking down at his hands. “Everyone tells me that she doesn’t deserve my time. She once told me that I didn’t deserve this, but you get what you deserve right? People always say that, what the fuck did I ever do to deserve this?” You shook your head as he spoke. Unbuckling your seat belt, you reached for him. Letting your hands guide his head so that he was looking at you, his eyes were watery and red filled with angry unshed tears.

“The world does not give you what you deserve Doyoung, the world is unfair, and people are cruel. You did not deserve to be cheated on.” He stared at you, his hands shaking. He blinked his eyes forcing the moisture away before he moved, grabbing your chin and pulling your lips to his. You let him, getting caught up in the way his lips moved against yours, he stole your air. Greedily moving his hands to your hair and you let yours slip to his shirt, holding him close to you.

He pulled away; his breathing uneven as he looked at you again.

“Why are you here?” He asked, and you smiled at him.

“Because babe, contrary to my jokes you can make a girl cum.”

---

Doyoung enjoyed your company, he liked your weird bluntness, your lack of fear of the world but most of all he liked the sex. He liked that you looked at him like you wanted to eat him. He like that he didn’t feel lonely around you. He just liked you.

“So we're basically friends with benefits then huh?” You asked pulling him out of his thoughts. He looked over at you, taking in the fact that you were still naked on his bed even though you two had fucked over an hour ago.

“I mean because like if we are I just wanna know if we're the kind that don’t fuck other people or if we’re the kind that do.” He was perplexed by your rambling not expecting you to say this, and he wasn’t sure how to respond not that he got the chance because you continued.

“I mean I’m not the type to sleep with more than one person like that, not that there’s anything wrong with people who do, I just would like to know if you’re, like you know, sleeping with people other than me that’s all.”

He smiled at you as your cheeks turned a dark shade of red as you let words pour out of your mouth.

“I’m not sleeping with anyone else.” He said cutting you off. You bit your lip, trying to hide the painfully obvious smile that was stretching across your face. Doyoung’s own smile only grew as he got up from his desk chair and moved to his bed climbing on top of you. He pressed his lips against yours lightly.

“Want to go out somewhere today?” he asked looking down at you.

“Like where?”

---

“An indoor theme park?” You asked your eyes widening as you took in the rides and attractions. “You know in the month that I’ve known you Kim Doyoung, I did not take you for the theme park type.” He smiled at you as you continued to look around your hand reaching for his the more excited you got.

“Come we have to start with this.” You said and began to pull him in the direction of the roller coaster. “No, wait,” You paused and pulled him in the other direction, “That’s gotta be last.” Doyoung laughed behind you letting you pull him.

“Doyoung!” You exclaimed in amusement stopping in your tracks as you got excited again. “Look how big that bear is.” Your eyes moved to Doyoung’s face a huge smile taking over your facial expression. He looked down at you, his eyebrow cocked up as he looked down at you.

“What?” You asked, getting slightly self-conscious as he looked at you.

“I haven’t said a single word, yet you know that?” He teased leaning towards you. You rolled your eyes and pushed at his chest.

“Get me the bear, Kim.”

He didn’t get you the bear, turned out Doyoung sucked at these kinds of games because he tried five times and each time won nothing. You had to drag him away from the stall because if you didn’t, he would have stayed there the entire time. Hours passed as you went on ride after ride and played a couple more games where you did win a small bear, you’d passed it to Doyoung with a teasing remark that had him glaring at you.

Exhausted you settled into the bench as you waited for Doyoung to come back with something to eat. You smiled at him when he looked over at you as he stood in the line for mini donuts, he winked back at you. A warm feeling settled into your stomach, you didn’t have time to think about it though as your phone began to ring.

“Hello, brother.” You said happily.

“Mom and dad called,” he said getting straight to the point, “They instructed that we have to go back for a dinner.” Your heart rate picked up as you processed what your brother had just said to you. You were beginning to feel warm as anger bubbled up inside you.

“After they kicked us out?” You asked. Your anger coming out in your tone. Winwin didn’t respond. “Fuck them I’m not going.”

“We have to Y/N, you know we have to.” He said and you hung up on him. Fuck them all. Who did they think they were? Winwin called again and you ignored the call turning your phone off. You didn’t want to deal with this right now. First, they kick you and your brother out over a business deal and now, now they were threatening money. You knew that you and your brother didn’t have incomes you knew that at the end of the day you still needed them. But you hated it.

You tucked your phone away, looking up at Doyoung as he walked over to you and sat down, you took a mini donut shoving it into your mouth, your mouth burning with how hot it was. You swore as you opened your mouth and took in air to cool it down. Doyoung laughed at you, and just like that the anger from earlier dissipated and the warm feeling you had from before came back. You watched Doyoung as you chewed and he laughed at you, you couldn’t get enough of his laugh. He laughed around you a lot, and to be honest, you lived for it.

“You’re so dumb.” He said still calming down from his laughing fit. His hand reached out rubbing at the corner of your mouth, wiping away sugar, and you swore your stomach felt like you were on the rollercoaster all over again.

---

His hands were everywhere, grabbing at everything. Loud breaths filled your ears as he panted around you, your heart was beating a mile a minute in the worst kind of way. You opened your mouth to scream but you couldn’t as he pushed his tongue down your mouth. You couldn’t push him away he was everywhere.

You woke up with a startle, your body drenched in a cold sweat. You shivered as your mind went into overdrive, your pulse drumming loudly as you turned over in your bed. You took in large breaths to try and calm yourself, to distract yourself from the memory. But every time you closed your eyes that night would come back.

“No.” You said as Dae swarmed you, backing you into a corner. He was drunk insanely drunk, you pushed at his chest as his hands began to wander up to your thigh.

He shushed you, his mouth coming down to yours. You shoved at him again turning your head to the side.

“Why are you being this difficult?” he asked, his hand shooting out and grabbing your wrists. Your mind went blank as his mouth pushed back against yours his tongue pushing into your mouth. His knee came up between your legs. You screamed, and before you knew it, he was ripped off you. Your brother over him, fists were flying everywhere but you couldn’t hear anything over your own hysteria. Your hands were shaking as you pushed out the room and out the house, gasping for air as you tried to calm your breathing.

More hands were around you, pulling you towards them but you pushed them away.

“Hey, hey.” It was Winwin, “I’m here. Let’s go home.” He said. You looked at him, your vision blurry. His lip was cut and from the way, his cheekbone was swelling you knew it would bruise tomorrow.

You cried harder.

You opened your eyes again, reaching for your phone. You thought that was gonna be the worst day of your life, but the next day was worse.

Hitting the call button, you held the phone up to your ear.

“Hello?” His voice was groggy, you realized that you’d woken him.

“Doyoung.” You said quietly, “Can you come get me?”

---

You weren’t shocked when he came, but that shocked you. The fact that you weren’t shocked. You could tell he was tired when he pulled up to your building.

“Sorry,” You said as you got into the car. He shook his head slightly shivering as he looked over at you.

“Are you okay?” You looked at your hands. You knew you could tell him, you knew you trusted him. You also knew that if you said you didn’t want to talk about it he’d just take you to his house and you’d sleep, but you needed to talk about it. You wanted to tell him.

“My parents called my brother today.” You started, “They want us to go see them for dinner.” You looked over at Doyoung taking in his reaction, he looked confused, but he didn’t say anything he just listened and waited for you to continue.

“My parents are complicated,” You continued, “they, well they kicked Winwin and I out at the end of the last school year…”

Your father was furious the next morning, you’d never seen him this mad. Your hands were trembling in your lap as you listened to him yell at your brother. Your anger rising.

“My deal fell through because you can’t keep your anger in check!” Your brother stayed silent as well, “Do you understand how much money we just lost, we’re all over the news our family name is ruined. They’re calling you a thug, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“He was coming on to me.” You finally said having enough, “H-he was trying to do things when I was saying no!” You yelled getting up. Your father turned his glare towards you. His eyes didn’t soften the way you expected them to.

“He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” He asked his voice cold. Shock ran through your body at your fathers’ words. A business deal really meant more to him? You looked up at your mother who looked away from you. You blinked back tears as the rage in you rose again, you looked over at your brother who looked equally as shocked. His anger on his face.

“You two need to get out of my house. I have to show the world that I don’t support your stupid behaviour and there will be consequences. You both are going to a different school and I will send you a fixed fund and pay for your tuition, but you will not stay at my house. I do not want to see your faces.”

Doyoung listened intently as you told him everything, your hands fisting into your sweats as your anger rose inside you as you spoke. You couldn’t look at him though, you looked out the window.

“And now you have to go see him because if you don’t, he threatens to not pay for anything?” Doyoung asked. You nodded still not looking at him. His hand reached out and grabbed your arm, but you flinched. His hand instantly shot away from you.

“Baby, look at me.” He said keeping his hands to himself. You slowly turned your head to him; his face was angry. “That motherfucker that did that to you can rot in hell and your dad’s a greedy bastard. I’d say fuck it and don’t go but I understand why you have to.” He hesitantly reached for you again, this time you leaned into his reach taking his hand and pulling him towards you. “I – I can go with you if that would make you feel better.” He said.

You’d done a lot of things to help you get over the incident, one of those things was trying to find a guy at the bar and fuck him, to prove to yourself that you had control over your own body that what happened with Dae, and your dad did not need to take over your whole life. That you did what you wanted, and you had control over what you wanted, you didn’t regret it either because somehow it got you to him. You pressed your lips to his kissing him slowly. You didn’t understand what you felt for him, but you knew that there was something because when you were around him you felt warm and safe, and free.

---

You didn’t take Doyoung with you, but he told you that he’d have his phone on the entire time and that you could call him whenever. Getting out of your brothers’ car you both looked up at the huge house that you both use to call home.

“I fucking hate him.” You mumbled to yourself and you both made your way up the few steps to the front door. Winwin pressed the doorbell and you both waited only a few seconds before your mother pulled the door open for you two.

“Hello,” She said a tight smile on her face. “Please behave today, your father has put a lot of effort into making sure this day would come to be.” You were confused, you looked over at Winwin who mirrored your reaction. Effort into getting the two of you here?

Your confusion vanished when you followed your mother into the sitting from and saw him. He sat there with a smirk, his body relaxed as he leaned back in a high back chair. His father sitting on a couch beside his mother. You looked around the room for your father, he was already looking at you with a fake smile on his face.

“Welcome home kids.”

---

You followed your father into his office, Winwin at your heels, he’d ushered the two of you to follow him as a deafening silence filled the sitting room for ten minutes as you all stared at each other. Your hands were sweating so much that you had to wipe them on your dress every few minutes. You were glad the dress was black.

Your mother had finally ended the silence by announcing that the dinner was ready. Your father had ushered you after him the moment everyone had gotten up.

As Winwin closed the door of the office you glared at your father.

“What is th-”

He cut you off, “You will apologize to them after dinner, both of you. They agreed that the deal could be back on if you apologize.” You both balked at him. He didn’t allow either of you to speak before ushering you out of the room again. Both of you were too shocked to move still processing what your father had just said to you. When neither of you moved, he did, swinging open the door and walking out. You stared at your brother as he glared at the spot his father was standing in.

“Fuck that.” He said and stormed after your father, you scrambled after him.

“I don’t know what you thought was going to happen at this dinner, but the last thing we’re going to do is apologize to that fucking rat,” Winwin said stopping at the head of the long table as your father turned around and glared at him. The room was silent everyone staring at Winwin with wide eyes, even you were shocked.

“And your inheritance? Your funds? Don’t forget your place kid. You will apologize.” Your father replied calmly. Your brother was fuming, taking a step forward until he was standing right in front of your father.

“Fuck you and fuck your money.”

Your father snorted.

“How do you think your gonna afford your life boy?”

“We’ll figure it out, we don’t need you.” You finally said taking your brother's hand and pulling him with you. You both left the large dining room, taking hurried steps towards the front door, both itching to be out the house. You pushed the front door open and walked out.

“Go to the car,” Winwin said unlocking his car for you, “I have to grab something.” You nodded not questioning him and made your way to the car.

You opened the door and got in, but someone caught the door as you pulled it. Dae leaned down into your space grabbing your face in his hand. His mouth a fraction away from yours, your nose was assaulted with the strong cologne he overused.

“You think that you won?” he asked, “You didn’t, now you’re a broke bitch with nothing to your name. You’re a nobody.” You shoved him off of you kicking his shin as you did. He swore and let go of you backing up. He chuckled. “I heard about your new toy. I heard you suck his dick like a real whore would. So, it’s just me huh? It’s only a little bit before he gets bored of you. You aren’t enough and you never will be.”

He slammed the door shut as Winwin bound out the house. You watched your brother as anger took over his features again as saw Dae

“See you on the ice motherfucker,” Dae said slamming into Winwin's shoulder as he passed him.

“What did he say to you?” Winwin asked as he got into the car. You shook your head and looked away from him.

“Let’s just go.”

---

Three days and Doyoung hadn’t heard from you he’d called and texted only to be ignored. His head was spinning, he was feeling crazy. You weren’t his girlfriend, but he was losing it. His head ached as he stared at your contact. He felt lonely again his mind drifting to every place it shouldn’t go, every insecurity he’d developed lapping at him as he sat at the kitchen table. What happened? Did he do something wrong? Was it a mistake to tell you that he’d go with you? You hadn’t taken him after all, you hadn’t called him after and when he had called you, you’d ignored him. That awful feeling of abandonment hit him hard, his heart hurt and he couldn’t explain why.

He got up stalking over to the cabinet and pulling out Jaehyun’s alcohol again. He didn’t need a shot glass he just opened the bottle and took a swing, the liquor burned as it made its way down his throat. He didn’t give himself time to think before he drank more.

He wasn’t going to go see you, one because he couldn’t do that to himself this time not again, he couldn’t beg like he had with his ex. He also realized that he didn’t have a single clue where your dorm was. That realization also hurt because he’d let you into his life every inch of it, and the moment he found out something dark about you, you shut him out. He closed his eyes as he took another swing, no rational thought entering his mind as he did so.

“Why do they ruin all my good places?” He muttered to himself as he grabbed his keys from the key holder, stumbling towards the door.

“Hey what the fuck, Doyoung are you drunk?” Ten’s voice caught his attention as he opened the front door, cold hair hitting him as he did.

“I mean I don’t know.” He replied, his words kind of slurring. Ten furrowed his eyes brows at him rushing to him as he did.

“Were you going to drive?” He asked.

“I mean maybe. I don’t know.” He replied.

Ten narrowed his eyes at him and took his keys. Doyoung rolled his eyes and glared down at the boy.

“Well fine then you gotta drive me, okay?” he said and grabbed Ten's arm pulling him out the house towards his car.

“Why are you drunk on a Wednesday Doyoung, I thought you stopped this.” Ten said, Doyoung could sense the judgement in his friends’ words. But he’d expected it. His vision blurred as he leaned back into his seat, his head spinning from the alcohol. He closed his eyes and laughed.

“Ten my man, it’s because I’m a fucking loser and everyone leaves me.” His head fell to the side as Ten started the car.

“Take me to the indoor theme park.” He said and then laughed, “because I’m a sucker for a bad time.”

A couple of minutes later Ten was parked in the parking lot, but the theme park was closed. Doyoung just nodded his head as Ten told him leaning his head into the window.

“Did you really like her?” Ten asked, his voice soft. Doyoung shrugged.

“Not that it matters now.” But he did, the answer was yes. He liked you around him, he liked your laugh, your smile, the ease you gave him. He liked that you spoke too much practically all the time and never really thought about what you were about to say. He liked how you made him feel, he liked that you didn’t make him want to drink. He liked you.

Ten frowned, staring at Doyoung.

“I’m not back to drinking like before,” Doyoung said quietly, he wasn’t able to look at Ten. “I just – I’m not back to drinking okay?”

“Okay.”

“Give me a couple of minutes and then we can go.” Ten nodded at Doyoung’s words and turned up the music.

---

Doyoung was pissed, it had been a week and honestly, he didn’t give a fuck anymore, or at least he liked to tell himself that. He kept his word and didn’t drink, but that just meant that he was always angry, especially angry whenever he looked at Winwin.

“We’re playing against your old school huh?” Doyoung heard Jaehyun ask Winwin. The other boy only nodded as he got into his gear. Doyoung ground his teeth and continued to get dressed. He wanted to be out on the ice bad, his blood was pumping, he needed to let the anger out one way or another.

Halfway through the game, Doyoung was drenched in sweat, but his anger was coming down as he let himself be taken away by the sport. Adrenaline pumped through him as the whistle blew starting the third period. The other team got possession and Doyoung focused on defence. He kept his mind blank as he played only thinking about the game, Jungwoo checked the player with the puck, the puck going astray. Doyoung took his opening and claimed the puck, skating as he looked around for an open teammate to pass to. Seeing Winwin open he sent the puck down the ice in the same second he was slammed into the plexiglass. His ribs ached from the hit he slipped onto the ice and looked up at the guy who’d hit him, for some reason he was hovering over him still.

“How are my sloppy seconds?” He asked, “The prude give you blue balls yet?” Doyoung’s head spun as he slowly got up, he was used to hits so his usual recovery time wasn’t this slow but, then again, he never was hit this hard. “But then again I heard that she sucks your dick like a prostitute.” But he wasn’t slow to understand what this fuck was saying. Taking his gloves off as he got up, Doyoung swung at the other man. His hands shoving him hard in the chest, before skating after him and grabbing his jersey. Doyoung didn’t think he just began to punch him, he was shoved back his helmet coming off as the other boy took his own helmet off.

“Fuck you.” Doyoung spat, as the boy charged him, he got one good hit in. Straight to Doyoung’s jaw, before the refs were on them. Winwin was in front of him in seconds grabbing him from the ref.

“Relax.” The younger boy said as the ref ejected both Doyoung and the other guy.

“Let me go.” He said and shook Winwin off of him as he skated off the ice and went straight to the change room.

---

He was under the spray of the shower when you walked into the locker room. The steam was filling the locker room, making the air hot as you quietly walked in his direction. He saw you before you spoke his eyes darkening as you leaned against the wall.

“Doyoung.” You said his name softly, earning a glare from him. You deserved it; you’d let Dae’s words get to you. But now looking at him, taking the way he winced under the hot water the darkening bruise on his ribcage, the cut on his lip. You frowned.

Dae was wrong. You looked at Doyoung, you knew whatever happened on the ice was because of you, and he’d done that even when you’d ignored him.

“I’m sorry,” you said and took a step towards him.

“For what? Ignoring me? Or fucking with my head?” You didn’t reply just walked towards him, slowly getting under the water and letting your hands trace over his ribcage, your fingers skimming over the growing bruise.

“For everything.” You said, letting your hand move up to his wet hair. The water soaked into your clothes as you pulled him into you, he let you. His arms looping around your waist. You looked up at him watching his face soften as he took you in.

“Why’d you ignore me?” he asked. His breath fanning across your face.

“Someone told me I wasn’t enough for you and I believed them.” Doyoung’s hands tightened, you closed your eyes and pressed your forehead against his. “I let my head get carried away with every insecurity I’ve ever had.”

“I’m glad you came to your senses.” He said, his hand moving your shirt up so that his fingers could trace your skin. He pressed his lips to yours kissing you slowly as he moved your wet shirt up your torso.

“Don’t ignore me next time.” He said moving his lips to your jaw, “Come talk to me instead.” You nodded and pulled out of his hold. Pushing him to the wall you ripped your shirt off over your head and quickly took off your pants.

“Promise.” You said, “but we don’t have that long until the game ends.” looking up at him through hooded eyes, you pressed yourself against him again, you kissed his jaw, before moving down to his collar bone, taking the skin onto your mouth you gently bit it before running your tongue over it as he hissed. You kissed down his chest to the side of his ribcage pressing hot kisses down his wet skin. Until you got to his erection, he was hard and ready for you. You squatted down taking him in your hand as you looked up at him, he looked at you through half-lidded eyes as you slowly moved your hand up and down his length before pressing a soft kiss to the head. He groaned before letting his head fall back as he tangled his hand into your wet hair.

“Babe,” He moaned as you took this tip into your mouth swirling your tongue around before moving him further into your mouth. Your hand working the rest of his cock as you continued to slowly move down on him.

You stopped when Doyoung removed his hand from your hair and grabbed your wrist, you looked up at him again. His chest was heaving, and he looked at you like he was ready to devour you.

“I love it when you give me head, but we really don’t have time for that.” He said moving himself out of your mouth. He pulled you up to him, his mouth joining yours again and his fingers trailed to your core.

“So wet.” He said dragging a finger through your fold. Pulling his hand away from you he turned you around before turning around himself, your front against the cold wall, you moaned at the contrast.

“Don’t take too long.” He said and lined himself up at your entrance. You moaned when he sank in his hands grabbing roughly at your ass before he started to thrust into you. You arched your back as you clenched around him, his cock twitching in you.

“You’re so tight.” He moaned, his hand grabbing at your shoulder as his thrusts became harsher. You heard the buzzer of the game, indicating that the game was over. Your moans grew louder as the idea of the entire hockey team rushing in hit you.

“Fuck,” Doyoung groaned his thrusts growing harsher, as you neared your climax. “You gotta cum now, pretty girl.” He said his arm winding around you so that his fingers could rub your clit. The added pressure pushed you along until your orgasm smashed into you. You moaned loudly as Doyoung continued to thrust into you, your muscles twitching around him pushing him to his climax.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” He panicked as he pulled out of you, using his hand to reach his orgasm. “We forgot a condom.” You turned around pushing his hand away and working him with your own until he came. You pushed your lips against him, both of you breathing erratically as you kissed.

“What am I going to wear to get out.” You asked him pulling away from him. You both looked at your wet clothes.

“I have an extra hoodie here, and I can look in Ten’s cubby he’s probably got sweats that will fit you.”

He didn’t finish his sentence as the boys crashed into the locker room. Your eyes widened mirroring Doyoung’s. He quickly yanked you pulling you towards the line of toilet stalls. He shoved you in as the boys barked at each other not noticing the two of you yet.

“Sorry stay here.” He said shoving his towel at your chest.

“Dude why are you walking around naked?” You heard Mark ask as you wrapped the towel around yourself.

“Because I can.” You hear Doyoung mumble back, his tone irritated.

---

“You guys take forever in the change room.” You complained as Doyoung walked with you to the dorms.

“My coach would have killed us.” He stated as he pulled you into him. “I’m sorry though that’s the only thing I could think of.”

“Whatever it’s okay.”

“So, I finally get to go up to your dorm huh?” He asked, and you nodded.

“I would have brought you sooner, but I have a roommate who never leaves our room. I love her but damn is she anti-social. Getting her to that start of the year party was hard.” You explained as the two of you climbed the stairs. Doyoung looked at your ass as you walked up in front of him. It was hard not to. He was glad to hear that the reason for not seeing your dorm was because of something simple and not what he’d actually made it into in his head. You rounded out the stairwell pushing the door open into the hall of your floor. Doyoung froze as he realized what floor you lived on. A floor he’d been to many, many times last semester.

“Doyoung?” He heard her voice before he saw, and dread set into him again. He snapped his head towards her direction as your hand slipped into his. His ex was staring at him, her eyes slightly wide as she took in his profile. The cut lip, the slightly swelling jaw. He frowned at her.

“What?” He asked his voice cold.

“Uh, what happened to you?” She asked.

“None of your business.” He replied. She nodded. He watched her as she swallowed and hesitated again. He tightened his hand around yours again.

“Uh yeah. D-do you think I could talk to you in private for a second?” she asked glancing over at you.

“Whatever you have to say you can say in front of Y/N.”

“Yeah, okay sure, you know I – I realized I never apologized to you.” She finally said. Doyoung was shocked, he was silent for a few seconds. He wasn’t sure if he heard that right. He was only snapped out of his daze when you tugged on his hand lightly taking his attention from his ex to you. You looked up at him with a soft expression on your face, you looked so wholly his. The way you were looking at him his heart clenched as he looked back at his ex. Somewhere along the way, he realized that he didn’t care about his ex anymore, he didn’t miss her or want her back. He was hurt sure but that was fading too. He knew he wanted to hear this and here it was, and it felt like he was being freed.

“I forgive you.” She nodded her eyes filling with water. Doyoung turned away from her taking you into his arms.

“Now show me where your room is baby.” He said smiling down at you. You smiled up at him and nodded pulling him with you towards your room.

“It’s nothing special.” You said as you pushed the room door open. He didn’t look around as he closed the door behind him. Just pushed you onto your bed, kissing you.

He wasn’t gonna let you get away from him.

Not that you were planning on going anywhere.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this, I really hope you guy enjoyed it! Please let me know what you guys thought, any opinions or comments you have on the story are very much welcome I love to hear from you guys so please don’t hesitate to let me know what you think. Additionally if you have any constructive criticism don’t be afraid to let me know, I always want to get better so its welcome and appreciated.

The next part to this AU will be Winwin so please look forward to that! and once again thank your for reading I really hope you liked it!

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pluviophile-bookworm · 3 years ago

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HSMTMTS 2x10: New and a bit alarming... ok, very alarming

I don't even know at this point if I'm more nervous or excited for this episode. I've done my waiting and, well, whatever lies ahead, good or bad, or a little bit of both, I just can't wait anymore, even though I haven't been so scared to press play since... well, since last week. Guess I should just go for it, then:

Ooh, shady Seb doing the recap! We love to see it. Like, seriously, I'm anxious about the Seblos fight, but shady Seb is kind of my new favourite Seb.

I just... Ashlyn's acting is top tier. Emotional connection to the material? Superb! Chemistry with her co-lead... well, he'd have to be co-leading for any chemistry to be possible. I love Ricky, and I feel for him with all he's been through, but he's just not lead material right now. And it shows. Especially next to Ashlyn, who is killing it!

Miss Jenn is on the verge of a bloody mental breakdown and I just... wish I could do something to make things better. She reminds me of my mum when a deadline approaches for her to submit an article, and I just feel for her right now. Gosh, I'm feeling for everybody today. My empathy seems to be at its peak and I might just burst from all these emotions this episode is making me feel even before the 5-minute mark.

Ok, but Miss Jenn being stressed means Carlos is stressed for two, which means... this is a really bad time for him and Seb to have personal problems. My heart just can't handle it.

Wow... I never thought I'd see the day! The two leads are actually talking to each other! This is a mid-July miracle!

Why does everyone keep pretending their HSM was good? It was a flaming hot mess! A child could see that.

Miss Jenn needs a lot of work on her 'gracious face'. I, like Carlos, have quite some notes. Only mine aren't exactly, how do you say... verbally formulated quite yet.

Did Carlos just refer to Miss Jenn as 'mother'? Because yes.

I've been in a couple of local theatre productions in my day, but none of them had actual physical sets — we relied on the audience's imagination quite a lot — so I wouldn't know what a good set is made of... but even I can tell that plywood and Elmer's glue = not good.

Kourtney is a multi-tasking icon and we love her. I feel like I don't say this enough, but she deserves all the love.

Ooh, shady Seb is... well, shady! 'Quit school and get a job at the pizza shop?' — I mean, you don't see Reddy or Kourtney (or Howie, for that matter) quitting school in order to work at the Slices! Those kids juggle it all and, as someone who's never had to balance school and a job all at once, they have my deepest admiration.

Still, I think they should have thought about 'inventing' something re: transformation earlier than this point. The personal drama has taken up too much of their time.

Why does everyone keep inviting people over to Ashlyn's? I mean, it's not like I've ever heard her complain, but the girl needs some rest! And her house is not a public space.

Oh, so they're making this into a contest? I mean, I have never been a fan of competition, but to each their own. And Redlyn are hosting! This is going to be so beautiful! (You know, unless the boys try to sleep — see my post from yesterday about Reddy's background noise machine)

'I'm not worried. But North High should be!' Ooh, I love this look on Ashlyn! See, there's a lead to take notes from! And Ricky should be the first to do so. Take notes about what a lead acts like, I mean.

Oooooh, Big Red claps back! We love to see it. Although, you know, it stems from the fact that he's nervous about coming up with a solution to the transformation problem. 'I get bossy around the power tools' — Yes, sweetie, and I love that look on you. Maybe you should be around power tools more often, if that helps.

Ughhh, look what the cat brought in! Lily (I wish I knew her last name so I could refer to her by it exclusively, but we'll have to make do). I hate that girl. She reminds me quite exactly of the girl who bullied me in seventh grade to the point where I wished I'd die before having to deal with her at school again. She and Lily both bring out my aggressive side, and I hate that about them.

Ricky — 'so good at being a leading man'? I don't know what Lily is playing at here, but Ricky has not shown himself to be a very good leading man this season. He has the potential to be, but he has not fulfilled it by this point. Sure, he supports his friends and they support him, but that's basic decency. Not yet good leadership. No hate on Ricky, just the truth.

'I vaguely remember him' — please tell me this is setup for Ricky leading Lily on and then slamming the door in her face with the truth. The way I see it, he's been given a chance here. A chance to be the supportive, protective best friend Big Red deserves. I just... have a lot of ideas about this and I don't want it to end badly instead.

'I'm just not well-liked here, and I don't know what to do' — well, of course you aren't well-liked, you little— (ok, ok, calm down, breathe, 10, 9, 8...) whatever. I mean, she hasn't even considered basic decency, as it seems. Must be a new concept to her.

'Don't start with me, Carlos!' Wow. As much as I hate it that my two faves' only interaction in so long is so hostile, I kind of like this side of Big Red. I wonder what other sides of himself he's been hiding.

Listen, I don't like Seb being patronised and babied, but... 'Chip, this is your mother speaking: go call your mother!' made me laugh so hard. They're leaning into the on-stage family dynamic and I live for it.

EJ's idea of using old skateboards for the spinning contraption is... a brilliant callback to the fact that Ricky and Big Red were first characterised as skateboarders... you know, before diving headfirst into the theatre thing. And it feels like it might actually work.

Miss Jenn's excitement at seeing Mr Mazzara ('Benjamin!!!') is perhaps only topped by the fact that he was halfway home, got a text from her and instantly went back to the school. I mean, these two have something that's really big.

Miss Jenn referring to the kids as 'my children', combined with Carlos calling her 'mother' earlier just warms my heart so much! Those guys really are family. I live for it.

Ok, but... as clear as it is that the Wildcats are very far behind NH in terms of budget, rehearsal time and who knows what else, I hate seeing Miss Jenn resigned to them losing. I want to see her have faith in them, talk about how they will win, and, in her own words, 'trust the process'. I mean, I guess it's good that, as a teacher, she wants to prepare her kids for a possible defeat (and I mean really possible if they don't step up their game immediately, especially some of them * cough* Ricky *cough *), but a team that goes out to the field expecting to lose has a very minimal chance of winning.

Despite everything I've been saying again and again about Nini lately, the fact that she just delivered a very different 'No, Seb' has just redeemed her. See, this one wasn't dismissive or patronising — this was like, 'no, Seb, don't put yourself down' and I love that spin on the catchphrase I'd grown to hate. See, many things can be redeemed. And some simply cannot. * cough* Devil's spawn Lily *cough *. Also, Seb being self-conscious about the fact that Carlos 'doesn't have many options' at East Hight is the perfect setup for In a Heartbeat — meaning they will either have a chance to talk about their issue, or they have a telepathic connection, in which case, what kind of soulmate stuff is that?

'You're my sister; he's my cousin' — yeah, Ash, putting it like that makes it sound a lot weirder than it should, but I do get what you're trying to say. This is not a drill! Ashlyn is a Portwell shipper (heck, maybe even the captain of that ship) — but I feel like we already knew that.

'Why'd I never hear about this?' — and there it goes. Within the same scene, Nini was redeemed and then made aggravating again. What does she care if Gina thought Ricky sent her chocolates? He didn't. Because he and Gina can't be anything but very good friends. And I feel like good friends is what Gina needs. Maybe that's why I wanted EJ to be that for her initially (or it was because I'm aroace and don't tend to notice romantic attraction between fictional characters — or real people for that matter — unless it's explicitly stated to be there). But I've been on board of the majestic S.S. Portwell for a few weeks now and it's finally about to set sail.

Yeah, Nini, get a root beer, calm the heck down and get over it!

'Your other clockwise!' — Why does this even need to be said? How many 'clockwise's are there? I absolutely understand why Big Red gets the way he gets around power tools. I'd be on edge too, if the people I was trying to work with didn't know what way clockwise is. Still, I feel like by the time I'm 30, nobody younger than me would have a reason to know what way clockwise is, and I don't know if I feel bad or neutral about it.

Oh, so there's no telepathy involved in Seblos' problem resolution — it's been Redlyn's good communication all along. I might have known.

Ooh, Portwell is being discussed on both sides! PORTWELL NATION HOW WE FEELING

Nini? Why is everything about Nini? There's no way everything is about Nini. In all seriousness, though, EJ's worries about letting the next girl go seem valid in regards to Gina, given that she explicitly stated (though not within earshot of EJ or anyone who could have tipped him off) that she needs someone who will show up and stay. But they'll figure it out. They'll find a way. I know it. They will, or I will riot, and I know I won't be alone in that.

Ooh, Howie is giving Kourtney the original blueprints! Looks like Reddy isn't the only one who has a spy on the inside.

Ahhh, Ricky! Not 'Let You Go' again. I haven't cried to it in three days and I was not ready to break that streak. But... wait, this is where Carlos approaches Ricky to ask him for help with writing a song for Seb, isn't it? I am definitely ready for this.

Oh, is it... is it Ricky who suggests Carlos write a song for Seb? Now that is what a good leading man looks like.

'I'm adjusting to being called bro' — me too, Carlito, me too. But... this scene must have been so emotional for Josh, given that he hadn't come out yet. I remember him crying during The Climb and... all I'm saying is I want Ricky to come out at some point, too.

Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh... they were just talking about love languages and that's when Carlos shows up? Cinematic. Wait, there's Portwell too? This is what dreams are made of.

My oh my oh my! Risotto! For real this time. I might have just teared up. (Full disclosure: I did.) I've only had Portwell for about three weeks, but if anything happens to them, I will... you know how the meme goes. [side note: Wait, when I said 'for real this time', I was not expecting EJ would say it, much less word for word. Am I... writing this show now? It's usually my dad who predicts people's lines in TV shows]

'Not that I know of'... excuse me while I hyperventilate! These two are literal soulmates. They might share a brain, too, for all that I know. Portwell nation you ok guys?

I love that Ricky helped Carlos out with this song and is supporting him through it, but... I just might have preferred for him not to be there. I kind of need Seblos to have this moment to themselves. But, you know, with the way they feel about each other it might as well be like they're alone in the universe, let alone the room.

Ok, but Frankie's voice... brings out feelings in me that I didn't know I was capable of. Make of that what you will. Also, I'm not sobbing my eyes out, you are.

Ahhh Reddy my sunshine my sweet boy I love you but why did you have to cut Seblos' moment short? They were going to kiss, I know it. Oh well, they probably will, later on. Off-screen probably, but who cares? Not everything is for us to see. At least Carlos and Ricky had a moment there... Carlos calling Ricky 'bro' made me more emotional than I expected. It's like Miss Jenn says in s1: 'They're best bros, and that's a sacred thing... for reasons I will never understand'.

Ricky's acting sounds like a cat about to spit up a hairball, and it's so funny... in a scene that is supposed to be arguably the most dramatic of the entire play, that is not a good thing.

Oh my, oh my... you did not! You did not just end the episode with Ricky taking a fall from who knows how high. I was not ready. This episode was entirely too much for me. I will need 10 to 15 business days to recover from this, and we all know there aren't that many. But in the meantime you'll find me obsessively listening to In a Heartbeat for hours on end. Seriously, this episode is too much.

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #ricky bowen #nini salazar-roberts #gina porter #ej caswell #ashlyn caswell #ashlyn moon caswell #big red redonovich #carlos rodriguez #seb matthew-smith #kourtney greene #hsmtmts miss jenn #hsmtmts mr mazzara #jnk #seblos #portwell #redlyn #jenzara

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chalkrevelations · 3 years ago

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Street Dance of China S3, Ep 3. It sounds like maybe I should step up my pace on these, as they’ve announced the captains for S4 now? (Yibo back, Lay Zhang back, plus a couple of new guys I don’t actually recognize yet.) When is this going to air because it is just LAUGHABLE that I can keep up with 3+ hours of this a week. Particularly if I’m going to keep obsessively re-watching Word of Honor AND try to finally finish Killer & Healer in the miniscule free time I actually have for teevee. There’s certainly no way I can watch and dither on about 3+ hours/week worth of dance show in realtime before January, at least.

ANYWAY, this ep, we get a recap of everyone falling out after the captains’ cypher, and we learn who got the final extra towels and passed through to the next round: Lu Jiao Ni, who we barely see, on Team Jackson Wang; Yuan Ye (as promised) and A Li (who we barely see) on Team Lay Zhang (ETA: Wait, we find out later that A Li isn’t even on Lay’s team, she’s on Yibo’s - he wouldn’t move her on, and she gets one of Lay’s towels instead); Bullet (as promised) on Team Wang Yibo; and Xiao Ming (as promised? maybe? as we’ve barely seen this guy?) on Team Wallace Chung.

This week: Out of 400 people, we’re down to 105. Not all of these faces are familiar, and I suspect I don’t really need to learn 90 percent of the unfamiliar faces. I … am going to go out on a limb and make a guess that one of the dancers whose name has been bolded in one of the past two episode recaps is going to be the ultimate winner, because I have umpty SYTYCD episode reactions on my LJ, and I suspect I know how this works. I wouldn’t even put money on any of those five bolded names in the previous paragraph, quite honestly. Anyway, now it’s time to start culling down to 60. We bring out the team captains, and my first reaction is “MY EYES” because wth are some of you wearing? Wow. Yibo’s shoelaces are all over his jacket. Wallace looks like he rolled a flasher on the street for his trenchcoat. Lay Zhang is wearing a baggy pink jumpsuit, and I guess, OK, it’s easier to maneuver bathroom breaks in one of those when you have a dick, but that’s definitely a fashion trend that should have stayed back in the ‘80s. I guess questionable fashion is an international phenomenon.

There’s also an empty chair for the promised Mystery Guest, and there’s a game with clues, and a lot of guesses from our captains about who the Mystery Guest will be, and Jackson does A Bit through the whole thing. I don’t know whether to be entertained or annoyed by him. He’s the only one without some egregiously questionable fashion choices (so far) this episode, so maybe he gets a pass. Anyway, I don’t have the pop cultural context to understand the guesses, and I also don’t have either the pop cultural context or the knowledge of this area of dance to grok the Mystery Guest’s identity, but he’s Huang Bo, and apparently he had more than 1000 dance performances in the 1990s, so he must be at least as old as me and Wallace, if not older. Yibo takes the opportunity to make the – very NON-politic – remark that maybe HE wasn’t even born yet at the time? That … is not the way to win friends and influence people, Infant. Also, the Mystery Guest is NOT the person Jackson kept doing A Bit about. The reveal is all very dramatic, and he does a lil’ bit of choreography from of each of the four Extant Captains’ videos before he takes off his mask, and they act appropriately impressed, and there are some girls with short shorts among his backup dancers, so that all happened. The show obviously wants me to be very impressed by him. Show also tells us he’ll have a special skill that will be very important and at least leads us to believe that he’s going to be the “life-saver,” so the audience immediately curries favor, or at least plays at it.

Next up: Rules. Eliminations this week involve contestants self-selecting into groups of anywhere from one to five people and performing for a panel of all the captains. Teams pull a number out of a hat for performance order. Thumbs up from all four captains, you go to the next round. Abstentions from all captains, you go home. Thumbs up from some and abstentions from others, you face the possibility of a call-out from other contestants, whereupon you have to dance for your life battle to find out which of you stays and which of you goes. Oh, and we’re only going to keep going until the 60 available seats are filled, and then we’re done. If you’re number 35, you’d better be prepared to battle someone earlier and kick their ass, or you’re fucked, you don’t even get to dance. I’ve said it before: Audentes Fortuna adiuvat. Only wait, ETA: There will be some last minute BS rules fuckery, in a way that is clearly intended to save someone in particular, which I feel some kind of way about - and it is not really the way that almost everyone on the show seems to feel - but I guess we’ll get to that later.

And cue ridiculously long nattering, so we’re going to cut here.

First group is Lin Meng (Team Wallace), Teng Zai (Team Lay), Bing - of the infamous motorbike flirtation - and Dian Men (both Team Yibo), along with a dude we haven’t actually seen yet, Tang Qian (also Team Yibo). Your lack of even B-roll so far is concerning re: your chances in this competition, Tang Qian. I’m just sayin’. Anyway, this is a powerhouse group, and at least Lin Meng and Teng Zai are familiar with each other because they’re from the same crew, and Xiao Bao remarks from the audience of contestants that these guys are going to go through, no matter what. They’re going to do a totally popping routine. My sound drops out at the beginning which … yeah, makes them look even more like a boyband at the beginning, in their matching baseball uniform shirts. So, here’s the thing, they’re a little muddled, they don’t move smoothly around each other on stage - their dance moves are coordinated, but they’re not moving in space like a group that understands each other. (Somewhere in here, my sound comes back, and Yibo already can’t hold still to the music.) The other thing is, though - all of these guys are very good at what they do, they finally hit their stride a minute or so in, and when they do, they hit it hard. I’m frankly surprised they don’t get passed right through to the next round, but Jackson abstains on the vote, and when called upon to explain himself, it turns out he just wants to see them battle. I can understand the impulse, Jackson, but this is already super stressful on all the dancers, and it doesn’t escape my notice that you’re the only one of the four captains without a dog in this particular fight, so a little bit you look like you’re doing this just because you can. Remember this, because it will set a bad example for an 11th -hour vote. Anyway, there’s the chance for a callout, which no one takes because the entire audience is convinced this group is too good to beat. Five of 60 seats taken.

Group two is Shen Kai Xiang – the Jack Ma lookin’ dude. He’s flying solo. He gets to stand around uncomfortably for a while onstage while Special Guest Huang Bo does A Bit making fun of all of the captains’ speech patterns and accents and pronunciation, except Yibo’s, because Yibo apparently never talks. Ha ha. (I’m also wondering if there’s some socio-cultural stuff underlying some of this that I’m not cued in enough to fully understand.) Huang Bo then tells the contestant that Jackson has probably fucked him over by praising him too effusively (he came from Jackson’s team, and Jackson already is displaying a tendency to rhapsodize about how everything is “ART”), so all the captains now will have inflated expectations that Shen Kai Xiang is surely only going to fail to meet. I’m beginning to suspect that Huang Bo’s Special Guest Superpower is not “lifesaver” but “kind of annoying asshole.” Maybe it’s to take that particular spotlight off of Chick. ANYWAY, Shen Kai Xiang FINALLY gets to perform, and he gets a little bit of a slow start, but he packs in a lot of elements and gets a LOT of good air in his moves once he gets wound up. He’s lyrical and super emo about it. I’m kind of “eh” on him – technically, he’s good, but I’m not particularly connecting with him, which I’m willing to admit could be a me thing, as everyone else seems super-impressed. Three captains pass him through. Yibo does not and explains this decision as personal preference – he likes more “underground” styles, more battle styles. Huang Bo brings back the issue of too-high expectations to help explain why Shen Kai Xiang isn’t being passed directly to the next round, even though Yibo just explained his decision and that is literally not the reason he explicitly gave. Anyway, Shen Kai Xiang gets no call outs, which seems to surprise Yibo, and we’re at six of 60 seats taken.

In quick succession, we move through Liang Hua Jie – we don’t see much of him, but we learn that while Wallace likes his musicality, Yibo doesn’t like his face (OK, doesn’t like his facial expressions, which, what can I say? I get this. If I’d had the power to unilaterally send home Lacey Schwimmer on her season of SYTYCD, I’d have done it, that’s how fucking annoying I found the way she’d mug for the camera the entire time she danced. Like I couldn’t even watch her dancing, because I was too distracted by what she was doing with her FACE the whole time.); Jian De Chao (wait, is this Chao from the first episode?) & Chen Zui – who, from what we get to see of them have some good flow and move pretty well together, but can get a little bit mushy in their moves, and Yibo likes their skills, but Lay thinks they don’t feel like a group, which what? Incorrect; and a group that’s dubbed themselves Purple Storm Show, which includes Alex from Jackson’s team and four other people who I can’t even catch – we barely see their performance, and Lay likes them, but Jackson thinks they’re flat. I can’t tell if any or all of these guys were sent through to the next round or sent home, but if they didn’t make it, then :( because I liked Alex, and he got hit in the eye for this, he deserves better than to get sent home because his team can’t get it together. We still have no group that’s been passed through by all four captains.

And then, next up is another powerhouse team: Gongsu Wu Ming and Hei Zai (Team Lay), George and Xiao Ming (Team Wallace), and (Xiao) Bai (Team Jackson). Yibo is skeptical about an all B-boy group, and don’t make me fight you, Yibo, because an all B-boy group is like my dream come true (sorry, poppers; sorry, lockers; my heart truly belongs to the B-boys, they are my favorite). We learn they added a flip at the last minute – an assisted flip, with a couple of them flinging George into the air over the other two of them. Wu Ming thinks that George is the only one of all the competitors who could do it, but George – who has a little more skin in the game than anyone else, as the guy who could potentially land on his head wrong - is a bit concerned about whether they’re going to pull it off. They start, and they’re all good, a little bit muddled before they hit their stride, but the slo-mo cartwheel is great, and from there, they’re off and running. This is why I like the B-boys – I know it takes a lot out of you to do this, but there is nothing – nothing – like the magnetic energy they can generate when they’re in their performance headspace and everything is flowing. This is a performance, and Wu Ming has talked a little bit about wanting to step up breaking, and if this is the sort of thing he wants to do, I’m all for it – give him the platform now. I’m going to take just a minute to single out Bai and say that he’s better when he’s not doing A Bit like he did in his initial performance for Lay Zhang – he’s much more electric here, and someone else’s choreography may make the difference. Jackson, Yibo, Lay – they’re all out of their seats, none of them can hold still in the face of this. We get to the end, and unfortunately, everyone else is kind of cluttered and mushy moving into position for the flip – that is not a way to go out guys, DO NOT DO THAT at the last minute – but then George f’kn NAILS the flip, so that’s thankfully the last impression they leave. The captain’s faces are a picture. (Except Wallace, who’s suddenly too cool to give us anything, apparently.) FIRST ALL-PASS. George’s assessment: “Not bad.” :facepalm: OK, Mr. Cool Guy. They also cut in a post-interview bit with Bai about the performance, and he notes that they all know each other, they’ve been battling each other for like, a decade, now. Dance together more, guys.

Moving on, we fortunately have another very strong group to follow them: Gai Gai, Wang Tao and Huang Xiao, all from Jackson’s team, and you can tell he badly, badly wants to start in on the ART! bit but he (loudly) keeps his mouth shut about this group until after the performance. The only one of these three we’ve seen so far this season has been Gai Gai, but they all dance in the same group together, and they seem to be well-known by a lot of the other competitors, particularly Huang Xiao, both as a dancer and a choreographer. They say they’re doing jazz, although I’d be more likely to call this contemporary, if I was going to put them in a box. They are gorgeous – lyrical, fantastic dance vocabulary, amazing choreography, beautiful musicality, and the way they move together as a unit is … :chef’s kiss: I think Huang Xiao may be the best of the three, technically, but there’s something ineffably charismatic about Gai Gai that’s pulling focus a bit – just a bit – more than the other two in this performance. If there’s a weak link, it’s Wang Tao, and really, that’s only by comparison with the other two, which is a really high bar. We get some shots of the audience of competitors worrying about Yibo’s reaction, given his preference for the old-school battle dancers and an apparent “strictness” with urban dancers and related genres, but these three also get an All-Pass to the next round, and Yibo talks to them a little bit about the choreography and his (complimentary) reactions to the performance before they leave the stage.

And then. Oh, dear. Then we get a group of three – Da Mao, A Li and Tall(? Maybe? It looked like he was going to get out of this anonymously – probably lucky for him – but then the subtitles threw up this name on him at the last minute) – who are the only krumpers who’ve made it this far. Lay Zhang is really promoting them, because he really wants to see a bigger krump presence, and he’s really nervous about their performance, and he really, really should not have pinned his hopes on these three, because I hate to say it but they are a hot fk’n mess. They are … not good. I can’t believe any of the three made it this far, and in fact, we learn after their performance, while everyone is sitting in a kind of stunned horror (and y’all, I am not exaggerating for effect there), that Yibo did not pass A Li on from his team, that she got one of Lay Zhang’s final extra battle towels. I mean, there’s an obvious gap in the quality of this performance compared to everyone else we’ve seen. There’s also a lot of pacing around and standing around instead of dancing. They’re trying for the attitude, but they’re not managing it. They do manage to get an embarrassed reaction from Chick, which says something all on its own, as I wasn’t aware that he had any shame. Other competitors also are doing the embarrassment-squick cringe in the audience. Lay Zhang is literally hiding behind his clipboard. This is the first All-Out we get, where they’re directly eliminated – not even Lay can bring himself to vote “yes” on them. Now, all the krumpers are gone, and Lay is visibly sad and frustrated, but as we appear to move to a little bit of a break, Yibo displays the most emotional intelligence of anyone there and asks Lay to teach him how to krump, to distract him and get him actually doing the dancing he enjoys for a little bit. It’s also a chance for Yibo to learn a new thing, and he talks about his chance to improve in a little interview bit from later on that’s cut in here. I mean, yes, that actually was kind of a sad attempt at krump during the cypher, my dude, so this can only help you, but you also are being an extremely good guy, giving your fellow captain some emotional support right now. Thumbs up.

Next up, we have AK Dong (Team Wallace), also flying solo, and they give us a little heart-tugging B-roll about how he doesn’t have a team with him there, so he’s going it alone. He’s fantastic right out of the gate - good musicality, clean and precise, and he’s got a nice texture to his performance, it feels … full even though it doesn’t feel as big and expansive as some of the other dancers. Unfortunately, Lay doesn’t agree with me (incorrect), says he wants a performance that’s more elegant and “balanced,” and is the single holdout vote, which opens my dude up to a call-out challenge. This is the guy who looks like comedian Hank Chen, which has overshadowed his dancing twice now, because he had to listen to it from Haung Bo when he came out to dance, and he CANNOT catch a break, because now he gets challenged by three teams, including Bouboo’s team, which also includes Klash, Bullet and Colin (all Team Yibo), plus Boris (Team Lay), who we’ve only seen B-roll of so far although he speaks good Chinese, despite being from … I’m not sure where, but not China? AK Dong complains about how Boris looks at him with innocent eyes and tells him that they have no option other than to challenge, which is true (ETA: insofar as we know at this point), because they’re #36, and the 60 slots would almost certainly fill up before they even get a chance to dance. This team wins the bottle spin against the other two challengers, and I mean. :hands: This is a slaughter. They’re five-on-one, and they’re all really good at what they do, they make it look effortless, and AK Dong’s face is going to kill me. Wallace actually does vote for him, but the other three vote for the team, and that’s five more seats filled, and AK Dong eliminated, and I’m annoyed (although not as much as I’m gonna be) because I liked him, and I would have liked for him to get a chance to dance without having to listen to the Hank Chen nonsense at least once.

Next, we have Li Yue & Sha Sha, who appear to dance together on the regular. They have a kind of sultry number put together as the Green Snake and the White Snake that is … hm. I don’t know if we’re classifying this as urban or jazz for the purposes of the show, but it’s another piece that fits more into my contemporary box, if we were classifying them for most of the Western dance spaces I’ve seen. They’re good, as befits this stage of the competition, but a little inconsistent, technically. Also, I don’t find them particularly exciting to watch – I feel like something’s missing, although I can’t quite put my finger on what. I’m not sure their flow is consistent, and they’re probably not helped by following Gai Gai, Huang Xiao and Wang Tao. They get three yes votes from Lay, Yibo and Jackson, although they are … enough to maybe make Yibo a slight bit uncomfortable, being the shy and fragile homosocial forest creature that he may be, or that he may be getting edited as, who knows. Huang Bo pokes at Lay Zhang about his reaction to and vote for them. He also basically says that Wallace didn’t vote for them because Wallace wasn’t turned on by them, because Wallace is still doing his imperturbable cool-as-a-cucumber routine. Wallace’s hold-out vote opens them up to a call-out, and several groups come down to challenge, including – bad luck for Li Yue and Sha Sha – TI, who win the bottle spin. This group includes choreographer Zheng Jian Peng, as well as Su Lianya, who I didn’t realize was a TI member, both Team Wallace, along with … oh my god, Wei Ming, who’s the “Sir, what are you doing?” guy from Episode 2 when Wallace was giving out towels to poppers like candy, and I’m kind of pleased he’s made it this far, just based on that moment, alone, never mind any dancing skills. Rounding out the group are Long Long and Wei Lin, both from Team Yibo, and I think we got B-roll of Wei Lin at some point during Yibo’s eliminations in the first couple of eps. I know nothing about Long Long at this point. At any rate, everybody in this group is so good, I can finally see how they got their rep – fantastic musicality, and a great job of working as a unit. They feel like a team, even when they don’t manage to be quiiiiite synchronized. I’m not really feeling their costumes. Su Lianya continues to be a standout, even in a group that sets the bar this high. Wallace’s composure finally breaks when the other team captains evince interest in poaching her, and oh my god, he still has the hair elastic that he held for her at her initial performance, that they said would be a token of their vow to go all the way in the competition together. OK, I give Wallace a lot of shit, but this is actually kind of adorable. He literally pulls it out of his pocket to tell the other captains they can’t have her and to plead with her to remember their promise to each other. TI gets three votes and moves on. (Lay, still apparently captivated by the snake ladies although not enough to bald-facedly vote for them in the wake of TI’s performance, abstains.)

Next up are Tao and CiCi, and OK. I’m going to be honest here. I think they’re leveraging the “couple” schtick for all it’s worth, and good for them, it looks like they can pull it off, because I think some of the amazed reaction we get from the captains and from the audience is influenced a lot by their coupleness, but at the same time, I think some of the amazed reaction we get from the captains and from the audience is actually influenced by their coupleness rather than their dancing. I mean, Su Lianya and Wei Lin are in the audience of competitors clutching each other’s hands and crying, and it seems to be just as much about Tao telling CiCi out loud that he loves her just before the music starts and the fact that they kiss as part of the piece, if not more than it’s about their actual dancing. The show is also really pushing me on this, because whereas, with everyone else, it tosses up closed captions that tell me what moves are happening (in addition to dialogue subs), now I’m getting things like “heaven-made match.” They’re good, but I think they actually also suffer a bit from following the Gai Gai/Huang Xiao/Wang Tao powerhouse, because I think we’re unlikely to get anything on the lyrical side of things that’s going to match up to that for the rest of the day. Tao and CiCi are better than Li Yue and Sha Sha were, and it is pretty badass the way she manages to make herself so small and compact she literally disappears behind him for that last little bit, and if they’d won the bottle spin on the last callout, they would have won the challenge, I have no doubt. But. :hands: I think the show has actually done that thing Huang Bo accused Jackson of earlier and set my expectations too high. I’m’a sound like Yibo – or like Yibo normally would, because he also seems to get suckered into the overwhelmed reaction for this – and say that I think Tao was better in the less lyrical style when he danced with Yibo and Bing in the Ep 2 towel battle. They get an All-Pass from the captains and talk about their inspiration for the piece, which apparently is a couple who confessed their love to each other the day before the girl had to go into COVID quarantine, and well, now I guess I feel like just a little bit of an asshole for not appreciating the COVID love story properly? Anyway, the captains then keep asking them intrusive questions about their relationship, and Huang Bo mocks Lay for apparently never being in love so he won’t understand what it’s like, and I’m cringing in my seat a little before Jackson gets us back on track and Tao and CiCi finally go sit down.

Then Huang Bo takes the chance to go over to the contestants who haven’t performed yet and stress them out about how few of the 60 available seats are left. I mean, I guess it’s part of competition, but come on, dude.

ANYWAY, next up, we have a group calling themselves Team Wake Up – it’s the waackers, and this group includes Xiao Bao and San Jin from Team Lay, along with a guy we haven’t seen yet, Tu Zi; Meng Di from Team Yibo; and Gao Shi Yu, who we also haven’t seen, from Team Wallace. They start working it, and I’m like, oh wait … and then they hit the Cat Walk, and I’m like, oh shit, and a light bulb finally goes off, because I’ve been super-fk’n slow, but now they’ve shown me what this genre is about, and I’m interested to see what they do here, because a lot of this performance could be straight off the floors of the ball scene. The entire group is pretty good, although I do think Gao Shi Yu is the weak link, she’s not quiiiiite up to the standard of the rest of them. They move well as a group, though, good coordination, sharp and clean, fantastic musicality, high energy all the way through, with EXCELLENT attitude, which is half the battle, because if you’re not confident for this kind of thing – or if you can’t at least fake it flawlessly – you might as well not even be out there. They all do lose a little bit of focus when they’re in the background as they break out for their individual moves, and they fall apart a tiny bit near the end. Also, Meng Di’s belt is off-center, and I know that sounds super picky, but it kept distracting me, so I wish that hadn’t been the case. Xiao Bao is definitely still the standout here – he takes the lead from the minute they come out, with the mic, and never really relinquishes it. We finally get to see San Jin perform, and his extension could be better. Tu Zi must be lacking in the charisma department to not have shown up before this, because he’s better than I expected. Before they started, the group that Xiao Jie and Yang Kai are in together – who still haven’t performed – were debating if they should challenge this group, but Xiao Jie advised waiting to see how good they were, and then after the performance is all, “nooo, we should not challenge,” and props to you for not just writing off the waackers, my man, because they get an All-Pass, and there’s not even a chance for a callout. Before we move on, Wallace clams he’s learned some waacking during the show, and the other captains (led by Jackson, who calls him gege) make him demonstrate, and the contestants, who know what side their bread is buttered on, applaud.

Available seat check. Yibo participates in further stressing out the contestants by saying “Like, a dozen?” All y’all need to be challenging whatever chance you get. Now I bet you’re sorry you didn’t challenge Shen Kai Xiang back at the beginning, aren’t you?

Next up is our group of X-Crew representatives, hop-hop, and Yibo is excited. I almost expect him to do a little dance in his seat. Yang Kai helpfully lets me know that this group is from the top hip-hop crew in China. Oh, hey, that’s Qin Yu, from Team Wallace, the guy who Gongsu Wu Ming immediately recognized as the weak link in one of the towel battles and got up on; the guy who subsequently got taken out by Teng Zai, My Beloved. Qin Yu, the guy we hadn’t even had B-roll on, and still don’t. I wonder if I’m reading too much into that. He’s joined by Flea (which I’m assuming is a direct translation, as it doesn’t sound like “flea” when he says his name?) and Ding, also from Team Wallace - neither of whom we’ve seen before, I think - along with Ting and Lei Xiao Yang from Team Jackson. This is also the first time we’ve seen Lei Xiao Yang. I … feel weirdly unconfident about the famed X-Crew, given we haven’t seen more of them before this. Then again, we’d only seen Gai Gai from her group, so maybe this is a BigSurprise!edit … Ting comes out hard and heavy, and I actually think this is the best performance we’ve seen from her so far. She spends a lot of time out in front on this one, and I don’t think I got from her initial appearance or from her towel battle performances just how good she actually is. Overall though … I am … not that impressed with this group. They start out strong, but then they get sloppy. They have trouble working as a unit, which is surprising from people who supposedly have experience dancing together. They’re all very good, but they’re not synchronized. A lot of their solo showcase bits lack complexity, and that is an understatement. Qin Yu still has some of that nice fluidity along with his pretty face, but he’s not balanced, and he absolutely does not have the finesse he needs to pull this off. They all do move into the end strong, together again, hard, power behind their moves - almost everything from the slo-mo move is good - but … it’s a little late, y’all. That took way too long to get back together. And then, they inexplicably descend into … it’s not even sloppiness, it’s an utter hot mess during, like, the last 15 seconds of the performance, which is absolutely not the final impression you want to leave. And … wow. Shit. There are captains who actually agree with me on this. Sometimes you see the expected top dancers allowed to slide some in these early rounds of competition shows, but not this time – Wallace and Yibo both vote yes, but Jackson and Lay both abstain, and Jackson … wow. Wow. Is disappointed in them and expected more. Despite the fact that he’s like, 12, and that he’s done this to past groups just because he wanted to see them battle, a little bit this actually has a vague feeling of your dad telling you how much you’ve let him down. The audience is shocked, but I’m glad to hear someone say it. It was a good - if spotty - performance but certainly not the best we’ve seen.

So, we have a callout, and the group with Xiao Jie and Yang Kai, which also includes some guys named Shen Zi Hao, Xiao Zhi Bin and Oscar, pounces. And that is a very deliberate word choice, because these guys are on X-Crew like a lion on the trailing gazelle. They’re in their Men In Black suits (ETA: Wait, no, I think maybe they’re Agent Smith suits), and the audience of other competitors is losing it. Xiao Bao is very excited about Xiao Jie. Both Yibo and Jackson look like they’re in actual physical pain, to be forced to make the choice that’s coming up. Ting looks like she’s getting ready to throw up – she’s accepting this with less equanimity than she did the possible results of her initial performance, at least on the surface. I … am dreading losing her, actually, because I suspect that’s what’s getting ready to happen, and I am so so sorry, baby, that you worked so hard to carry your crew like that and they couldn’t keep their shit together. On the one hand, I’m impressed they’re pitting this level of competition against each other so early. On the other, I feel Jackson’s and Yibo’s pain. God. God. The Xiao Jie-Yang Kai group is here to f’kn battle. This is shaping up to be a slaughter. They are fast, clean, precise, great musicality, complex moves, super performance. They’re synchronized, high energy, fantastic animation – which could be a little cheesy, but they’re confident and fearless enough to pull it off - fun and interesting. They are maybe a little bit too gimmicky to be perfect for my taste, but I’m not the one voting them through, and what they’ve come up with is perfect for the audience that matters – the captains, the majority of which are 20-something-year-old boys – and knowing your audience, and performing for them, is a skill, too. BIGGEST (and frankly, only) ISSUE: Somebody fucked up a move, right at the beginning … I think maybe Yang Kai? (ETA: Yah, it was Yang Kai, ugh, what a time for that to happen.) If you’re going to fuck up, best to do it at the very beginning, I guess, and then give this performance afterward, to mitigate it as much as possible, but that one misstep gives the captains enough excuse put off a decision they really don’t want to make, like it’s not just going to make it worse to kick the can down the road a few minutes. Split vote, 2-2 (I thiiink, Yibo and Jackson for X-Crew, Lay and Wallace for the challengers?), which throws it to a further battle. Ting and Xiao Jie, one-on-one, and both of them are feeling the pressure of competing for their entire team instead of just themselves. Two rounds, hiphop and locking. So, each of them is better in their specialty. Ting’s got some fantastic, precise moves for the hiphop round. Xiao Jie is not as good in this round; I do notice he’s got a more directly confrontational style when he’s battling. I feel like she’s doing more waacking than locking in the locking round. Overall, she’s cleaner, more precise, he’s got a little bit more energy. I wouldn’t want to make this decision, frankly. I think Ting was better technically, but Xiao Jie might be the better performer – better at all that other stuff that adds up to stage presence. I do wonder how much of the captains’ decision is influenced by the groups, and who the captains are or aren’t willing to lose, even though it’s supposed to be based on this 1x1 battle. Just looking at who the show has put emphasis on already, we’ve got Ting vs. Xiao Jie AND Yang Kai, and I don’t know that they’re going to want to let that one-two punch go. Wallace votes Ting and X-Crew. Yibo and Lay vote Xiao Jie and the challengers. Jackson, the coward, abstains. Looks like Ting and X-Crew are going home, and this is the first cut that I’m genuinely upset about seeing. Ting feels bad for letting her crew down, but they let you down first, baby, or you wouldn’t even have been in that position.

Available seat check: 12. Dancers left: 27. Well.

We’re coming up on two hours now, and there’s clearly some kind of drama we want to get to, because we whip through the next few performances – few names, limited time spent on them. The ones who do make it through are likely cannon fodder in the next couple of rounds. There’s a group of four in khakis that gets sent through to the next round; Yibo liked their moves. Guy named Zhan Ke in a suit goes through to the next round. We’ve turned into a clip show now, and the screen literally says “ … ” at one point as each group of competitors gets 3 seconds of airtime. Cut to three seats left out of the 60. There’s about seven people left, and … that includes Chick. I have a sinking feeling this guy is going to be the real focus, at this point. He’s paired up with some dude named Long, and they have lost the bottle spin on callout after callout after callout, so they’ve never had a chance to challenge, and now, look at these morose motherfuckers, still sitting in the bleachers. I almost feel bad for them.

So, three seats left, and the next group is three people: Yang Qi aka “Apple” from Team Jackson, Lin from Team Lay and Bobo from Team Wallace. Urban dancers. I lose sound on them right at the beginning, but they’ve got some nice sharp moves, good choreography, they work well as a unit. Solid performance, if not the best we’ve seen. Apple’s got the best technique, I think. Audience likes them a lot. We get a cut to Chick and the other competitors who haven’t danced yet as we count down for the vote, and they are all dying. Three votes yes. Yibo abstains. Huang Bo is so prepared for this group to be sent right through that he starts clapping and congratulating them, and Yibo has to be all, “Wait, no. Not yet.” The captains give their reasoning: Jackson says that he felt their power, emotion, speed all deserved full marks. Yibo agrees.

Yibo agrees.

…

...

…

Their faces in response, y’all. Their little WTF faces as he explains that he really just wants to see the other dancers, too. Oh my god, Yibo. You can’t just say that out loud. Are you serious with this, you can’t even make up a thing to fake critique them on? Cut to a later interview with Bobo, who’s been the least able to school his face journey in response to this: “Wang Yibo, I won’t forget.” Also, Bobo says, you’re not even hot. (lol) Joking aside, the group goes on to make all the correct noises about sure, it’s a competition, you face competitors, it’s what happens, because what are you gonna say? Meanwhile, to be completely honest, I’m probably the person who’s been least able to school their face journey in response to this, because come on, Yibo. It’d be one thing if you were making some kind of statement about the way they set this up from the beginning, with all competitors unable to participate, but I’m pretty sure you’re actually doing this to give Chick another chance, because you have been inexplicably all up on his jock since he showed up, what is it about this guy? I don’t get it. At all.

So, we get a callout, and everyone left challenges, of course, because this is probably the last chance. The audience is rooting for Chick. I still don’t get it. Bottle spin ends up on … Zhao Hai Jie, from Team Wallace, who we’ve never yet seen perform. Here’s the thing: If he can win this battle, then he only takes one seat, leaving another two seats available. However, he is NOT going to win this battle, not without ripping off any figleaf of fair competition that the show may have, because he’s just not that great. If he wins, there’s no way around the fact, right in your face, that it’s a strategic vote. He does not win. Four votes for Apple, Lin and Bobo. Sixty seats filled.

HOWEVER, just in case you were worried there may be any integrity here, director Lu Wei comes ambling out to say, hey, you know those rules we have in place? Well, fuck ‘em. Who cares. Let everybody left battle, and whoever wins that battle can have a seat along with the 60 other people. I’m going to translate this one, because despite the limitations of my Level 1 Duolingo Mandarin, I have umpty SYTYCD episode reactions on my LJ and I feel like I’m pretty fluent in Dance Show BS: “We really want to keep somebody who’s left, so there’s going to be some chicanery on our part.” They really do not want Chick to go home, y’all. I know it’s him. It’s super extra obvious they’re desperately trying to save him, at this point. And I am here to tell you that if Chick ends up on this show and Ting goes home, there will be nothing on this earth that could possibly resurrect Chick from the Pit of My Dislike.

Anyway, we get Dai Dai from Team Lay, who describes herself as a fusion dancer and is pretty good for the first 40 seconds or so of her music and then completely loses the thread and kind of falls apart. The captains do not seem impressed. Possibly they also know we’re just killing time until we get to Chick. Up next is Su, who is Very Dramatic. He doesn’t say what team he’s from, but given Wallace’s reactions, I suspect he’s from Team Wallace. I suspect Yibo’s not going to like his face. His performance goes increasingly off the rails as he goes on. He’s got a lot of goodwill from the audience of competitors, but no. This is not a winning performance. And then we get Chick & Long, literally the last to perform. Chick spends the entire time doing A Bit. Long, who anyone barely remembers is even there, does 2/3+ of the dancing. Everyone – everyone – is apparently vastly entertained by Chick, and I just … :hands: Fine. He’s a character, but I have yet to see anything in three episodes, across, like, 7 hours, that lets me see whether he can really dance or not. Yibo literally tells Jackson, “He doesn’t have many tricks, but he’s got a ton of ideas” and later says he’s a B-boy without a power move. Anyway, one vote for Su (Wallace), three votes for Chick and Long. We’re at 62 dancers, and I cannot believe I’m going to be subjected to Chick’s continued clownery when Ting has to go home.

Thank GOD we’re activating the Special Guest Host Powers, the first of which is “REVIVE,” i.e., bring someone back who was eliminated. Yibo is immediately like, omg, the hip-hop group. Then we do Yet Another Bit where the captains cater to Huang Bo so that he’ll take their advice on who to revive, and it goes on too long when we are, my god, two hours and fourteen minutes into this. Meanwhile, Yibo reiterates, the hip-hop group. Yeah, Yibo, this I approve of - if I gotta watch you fall all over yourself over Chick, you need to get Ting back for me. So, we’re finally getting the captains’ actual recommendations: Jackson says the hip-hop group, possibly feeling bad about the fact that he’s the one who spiked their chance the first time around? Yibo is all, me too! Yes! That one! It’s kind of adorable. Also, yes, Yibo, you need to get Ting back for me. Lay says Li Yue and Sha Sha, the white and green snakes. Wallace recommends a popping group that I don’t even know if we saw perform? At any point in the past 7+ hours of three episodes? Wallace, are you high? Anyway, THANK GOD, Huang Bo brings back the X-Crew group. We’re at 67 dancers.

Second Special Guest Host Power is … “battle?” So, we’re setting up Qiang Qi Da Zhan, aka Seven to Smoke, which they’ve apparently done in past seasons? Each captain picks two people – eight total – to participate. Twenty minutes total. Increments of 30 seconds each to battle. And I guess you have to accumulate seven points in various battles. We don’t get to hear the captains’ picks, but I can see that AK Dong is called back for this one. Also, I spot one of the krumpers. (:eyeroll: Really, Lay? Because I know that was you.) We see some clips of this. We see AK Dong get to six points. He … maybe gets his seventh point? Anyway, he says in the last interview clip that he’s here. I guess we officially find out the Seven to Smoke results next ep?

Also next episode: Divided into two groups and battling by genre for the next elimination. Five rounds. Also looks like captains might get a chance to poach from other teams. Also some wacky fuckery with the dancers’ heads that looks like it’s going to be stomping all over my embarrassment squick, argh.

Finally, we get a peek at hotpot, and it sounds like they ended up with 70 dancers, so three people managed to get seven points in Seven to Smoke? And somebody’s mom is apparently coming to hotpot, but I’d have to watch the actual hotpot show to find out whose mom, and we’re out.

#wang yibo #jackson wang #lay zhang #zhang yixing #wallace chung #street dance of china #sdoc episode reax

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renaerys · 4 years ago

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PPG One-Shot: Mall Santa (Boomer/Mike and Brick/Blossom)

Summary: To earn a little extra cash over the holidays, Brick, Mike, and Boomer agree to help out their buddy Todd at a Mall Santa gig. Shenanigans ensue.

This one is for @snailbutters, @genovah, and @hanaokm. Merry Christmas and happy holidays! Enjoy some Boomike, Blossick, and Capri Sus on me.

[Cross-posted to AO3]

xxx

There were a lot of things Todd needed: a haircut, for one. His black hair was getting too long for gel and it was really pushing the boundary between greaser sexy and sad trash hobo. Money, for another. But like any other 21-year-old townie with a high school education and two restaurant jobs, he always needed money.

A new best friend, for yet another.

“I’m not your best friend,” Brick snapped as he tied a black tie around his neck. He needed to leave in ten minutes if he was going to be early for his dinner meeting with Oliver Morbucks.

Todd put a hand over his heart like it might fall out of the wound Brick’s words had stabbed there. “Dude, of course you are. I’m totally sorry if I ever gave you the wrong idea.”

Brick grimaced so hard he was sure he’d end up constipated. “No, you idiot. I know you think I’m your best friend. You’ve never shut up about it, even after we graduated high school. I’m pretty sure the whole fucking Peninsula knows it the way you go around shouting it when you’re blasted.”

Todd looked like he’d just received news that his favorite nana wasn’t dying of cancer after all. “Oh, cool. For a second there I thought I really hurt your feelings. You know you’re kinda sensitive, right?”

Oh god.

“What do you want, Todd? I have a really important meeting and I’m not missing it for your bullshit.”

Brick checked his reflection in the bathroom mirror in his one-bedroom apartment in downtown Townsville. It was a shitty hole-in-the-wall kind of place, but Brick was used to squalor. His break was coming, he could feel it. If tonight’s meeting went over well, he’d have a more steady revenue stream and, more importantly, the connections and clout the Morbucks name brought to open doors. All the long days at Red’s Auto Shop saving and scraping by would finally pay off, and just in time for Blossom to graduate from college. It was perfectly planned, meticulously manipulated, all down to this last pivotal dinner.

“Cool, no big deal! I just need to know if you’re free this weekend.”

“Free to do what?” Brick indulged him, because Todd was one of the few people on this planet who wasn’t 100% intimidated by his very presence.

“To help me with this Mall Santa gig I got. Harry Pitt was supposed to be my number two elf, but he ate some bad prawns and they had to, like, airlift him to Citiesville General.”

Brick stopped everything he was doing and glared at his second-to-best friend, which was a key fact because second was not the same as first. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

“I know, right?” Todd knew his way around Brick’s embarrassingly small bathroom, opened up the hair wax, and fixed Brick’s styling job. “Dude always had a weak stomach, you remember. But you don’t fuck with bad prawns. I mean, obviously.”

Brick swatted Todd’s hands away and checked his reflection. It was definitely an improvement. “Not that; the Mall Santa thing, obviously!”

“Oh, yeah. So you’ll help me out?”

“Fuck no.”

“Aw, Briiiiiiick,” Todd whined.

Brick grabbed his dinner jacket from the closet barely big enough to fit a small, starving child. Todd, who had latched onto Brick in the seventh grade like a goddamned barnacle and never let go no matter how hard Brick tried to push him away, followed. “Not if you paid me.”

“You’ll get paid! It’s $20 an hour!”

Brick hesitated over the threshold. “That’s higher than minimum wage.” It was higher than his hourly rate at the garage too.

“Seasonal gigs, man. That’s how you win.”

“It’s seriously fucking not.”

Todd, one of three people in the universe who actually cared about Brick on a personal level even though he wasn’t obligated by blood, made his blue eyes big and wide in a way that reminded Brick of Puss-n-Boots from Shrek, Todd’s favorite movie. “C’mon, bruh. Do your bestie a solid? Just this once? I really need the money and they won’t let me keep the gig without two elves to fill in. So please? Pleeeeeeease?”

And Brick, former scourge of Townsville, a Super with the power to literally raze the planet if it so much as tickled his fancy, and the dictionary definition of the boy every father dreads his perfect, pretty little girl falling for against her better judgment, cracked like an egg.

“For fuck’s sake,” he groused. “Just text me the time and place and get out of my face already.”

Todd punched the air with both fists. “Yes!! Oh, hell yes! I love you so much, dude.”

“Blow me.” Brick checked his watch. Shit, now he was merely on time.

“I’d consider it an honor,” Todd said, probably literally serious.

xxx

Boomer rolled glitter on his cheeks and around the edges of his dark blue eyes with the help of a compact as he huddled behind the North Pole set on the first floor of the Townsville Mall. When he was satisfied that he sparkled like the tinsel-festooned Christmas trees in Santa’s twelve-by-fifteen-foot “forest” themselves, he discreetly re-emerged just as the latest child slid off Santa’s lap.

“Merry Christmas, Dan!” bellowed a red and white-clad Todd behind an enormous, curly beard. “Remember to brush your teeth!”

The little boy ran back to his parents, who were having a word with the photographer about purchasing a picture of their son on Santa’s lap. Before Boomer could follow them, Brick was quick to cut him off.

“Where the hell were you?” he demanded. Sour as an un-sugared plum in his festive, candy-striped elf costume, Brick may have absolutely intimidated the seven-year-olds waiting in line with their parents for a turn on Santa’s lap, but Boomer only allowed him a bemused smile.

“Why, I was making toys for the good little boys and girls who came to visit us here at the North Pole,” Boomer said in a raised voice. He looped his arm through his brother’s and let his power surge with enough force to turn Brick around and face the crowd that was definitely within hearing range. “Isn’t that right, Elf Mursten?”

Brick pushed back with inhuman force, but Boomer held his ground with a smile as bright as the glitter on his cheeks as a little girl in overalls trotted forward.

She giggled. “I like your hat.”

“Thank you!” Boomer gushed, and he tipped his pom-pom-topped cap. “And what’s your name?”

The little girl giggled again. “My name’s Alynn.”

“Well, Alynn, why don’t you step right up and take a seat on Santa’s lap? I’m sure he has a great present for a cool girl like you. Right, Elf Mursten?”

Brick glared medieval torture at him, and he managed a smile that showed too many teeth to be anything other than life-threatening. “Of course, Elf Buller.”

Boomer’s smile tightened.

“Ho ho ho! Come on over, Santa doesn’t bite,” Todd said.

“What a psychotic reassurance,” Brick said soft enough for only the Super brothers to hear.

“Hey, Brick?” Boomer said, just as softly. “Cheer the fuck up.” He gave his brother a bone-crushing squeeze around the arm and broke from him. Brick could be a sourpuss when he wanted to be (all the time), but he wouldn’t mess up Todd’s Mall Santa gig when he’d bothered to show up and actually put in the effort at all. Complain as he might about Todd’s exuberance, Brick had always come through for his best friend since the seventh grade.

Boomer, on the other hand, had been very happy to accept Todd’s offer to work the two weeks leading up to Christmas. The hours were reasonable, the pay was good, and Boomer loved children. It was easy money in between local shows he and his garage band had booked over the holidays.

Plus, the photographer had a nice rack.

“Okay, Santa, Alynn. Look over here and say ‘jingle bells’!” A flash went off, and Mike Believe stood to his full height behind the tripod he’d set up for the day’s pictures. Even in reindeer antlers and a bright, red-painted nose, Mike filled out every fold of his brown Rudolph outfit almost to the point of popping a button. His broad chest puffed out when he put his strong hands on his hips and grinned brightly like he wouldn’t pick anywhere else to be right now.

Their eyes met, and Boomer flushed and smiled like a fool.

When Mike winked back at him coyly, his heart leaped into his throat. Mike had gotten home from college just two days ago, but the three weeks he had off for Winter Break would surely fly by like they did every year, and Boomer was determined to spend every moment together.

A tug on Boomer’s green tunic drew his attention. “Can I take a picture with you? Please?” the little girl asked.

Boomer beamed and scooped her up onto his hip. “Of course you can. Hey, Mike? Can you take one of us, please?”

“You bet! Get in close, now.” Mike readied his camera.

“Oh, wait a sec. Why don’t you take this too?” Boomer removed his festive hat and put it on Alynn’s head. It was big on her, but she laughed happily.

They posed for the picture, and Boomer hugged her cheek to cheek.

“Thanks!” The little girl tried to give him his hat back, but he pressed it to her chest.

“You keep it. Merry Christmas. Remember to be good, okay?”

Alynn’s father was waiting with a hand for her to take when she ran back to him, yammering about how she’d met Santa and his super cool elf friend, and Boomer watched them go.

“You know you’ll have to pay for that hat,” Brick said.

Boomer sighed and ran a hand through his cornflower hair. “You know I look better without it.”

Brick frowned deeply. “Uh-huh.”

“If you keep frowning, your face will stick like that.”

“Moron.”

He always had to have the last word. Brick went to stack the empty boxes wrapped in bright, shiny paper, which was probably more productive than blowing up the entire display. Boomer left him to it. It was time for their mid-morning break, anyway.

Todd got up to stretch. “Man, who knew sitting could be so tiring, huh? Whack.” His phone buzzed, and he grinned when he saw the caller ID.

Boomer, however, had eyes only for Mike as the latter turned off his camera and put a sheet over the tripod to protect it. “Working hard, I see.”

When Mike smiled, his dark eyes crinkled in the corners. He had a face made for smiling. “Oh, you know. Just helping out some friends.”

Like Brick, Todd had asked Mike to help out behind the camera for this gig. Mike didn’t exactly need the extra cash given his lacrosse scholarship that covered his college expenses, but the three of them had been as thick as thieves all through high school no matter what Brick said when he was annoyed. No way was Mike going to bail on the chance to help out a bro.

“This is cute,” Mike said, running a thumb over Boomer’s sparkly cheek.

“If only I could convince Brick to wear some,” Boomer said, lacing his fingers in Mike’s as they shuffled to the side of the exhibit behind a blinking Christmas tree for a bit of privacy.

Mike chuckled. “That’ll take a Christmas miracle. But anyway, I don’t want to talk about Brick right now.”

Their kiss was soft and mostly chaste, considering the venue, but Boomer didn’t mind at all. He rose up on his toes to lean into his boyfriend’s superior height and smiled into their kiss. Even in the middle of the Townsville Mall with shoppers mere yards away, for a few seconds Boomer got lost in the fantasy of the forest and the snow drifts, bright lights and magic that came around only once a year and had always touched his heart in a way nothing else quite could.

“Babe! You got here quick!” Todd’s excitement and a small commotion around Santa’s throne drew the lovers’ attention, and Boomer reluctantly broke the kiss. His Super hearing quickly picked up on what was going on.

“What is it?” Mike asked.

Boomer smiled wryly. “That Christmas miracle you wished for. Come on.” He took Mike’s larger hand in his and pulled him back toward the front of the display, where Todd had scooped up a very small, very fashionable Asian woman in his arms.

“Oh my god, don’t do shits in front of the innocent children, Toddy.” Hana patted her high bun and smoothed out her oversized black jacket once Todd released her.

“Hey, I just missed you is all,” Todd said with a genuine smile like he had really, truly missed his girlfriend since this morning when they had last seen each other.

“You guys are too cute,” said Bubbles with a giggle. As usual, she was adorable in blonde twin tails and a holiday-appropriate sweater dress. Shopping bags hung from both her arms, also as usual.

“Right?” Hana said, her deadpan façade melting completely as she beamed at her closest friend.

“No contest.” Bubbles set down her small nation of shopping bags. “Oh! Hi, Boomer!” She dashed to hug him in a flash of blue, and he caught her easily. “Oh my gosh, I love your glitter. You look like a supermodel!”

Boomer laughed and hugged her back. “Thanks for letting me borrow it. I really owe you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Oh, but you definitely need some touching up. Here, let me just…”

Mike had wandered over to Todd and Hana. “Hey, Hana. Are you staying for the holiday?”

Hana shrugged. “Yeah, my art show isn’t until after New Year’s. You know, I’m always looking for more models.” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Mike laughed. “I’m honored, but I’m really nothing special, honestly. You might try Butch.”

Todd guffawed. “Oh man, Butch is, like, one of her top models! She painted him for what, six weeks last summer, babe?”

“Seven,” Hana said, dead serious.

Mike smiled nervously. “That’s a lot of inspiration.”

“He is very inspiring,” Hana said, deader and more serious.

“That dude is goals,” Todd said, totally unironically.

“I guess I can’t argue with that,” Mike said.

“Aaaaand done.” Bubbles stepped back to admire her handiwork. “Honestly? You’re the most beautiful elf the North Pole ever employed.”

Boomer snickered. “Don’t tell Brick that.”

“Don’t tell me what, now?” Brick emerged from his useless empty box stacking task, glitter-less and severely lacking in Christmas cheer.

Bubbles gasped, right on cue. “Brick! Where is your glitter? Get over here.”

Brick made a weird face. “What are you talk—hey!”

Bubbles all but accosted him with the glitter pen. Hana cheered and applauded, and Todd joined in because he liked to cheer and applaud in general.

“What are you—get off!” Brick shoved Bubbles hard, but a flash of pink caught her before she could crash into anything.

Blossom peered around her totally unfazed sister, a tray of lattes in one hand and her perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised. “Brick,” she said.

Brick swallowed. “Blossom.”

She looked nice in leggings and a sweater dress that matched Bubbles’ style, except where Bubbles’ was white, Blossom’s was a scarlet that rivaled the shade of Brick’s eyes.

“I brought you guys coffee,” Blossom said, her eyes trained on Brick even as she held out the tray.

Mike took the tray before it could become collateral damage in whatever was going on between the two of them.

“Here you go.” Mike offered one to Boomer, who gratefully accepted it.

“Thanks!”

“I thought you weren’t getting home until tomorrow,” Brick said, as if he and Blossom were the only two people there.

“Change of plans,” Blossom said. “Problem?”

Brick seemed to remember what he was wearing and snatched his elf hat from his head. He bunched it up between his hands like that would hide his imagined shame. “It’s fine.”

It wasn’t fine, clearly. But it wasn’t Boomer’s place to intrude. He would have been extremely happy for it to end there, but sadly Blossom, like his brother, had a flair for the dramatic and an affinity for the center of attention.

She sauntered up to him and smeared the bit of glitter Bubbles had managed to draw on his cheek before he’d shoved her off. “Good,” she said, half an invitation and half a challenge.

Brick didn’t bend easily. Boomer knew his brother as well as he knew himself, and he knew Brick didn’t relent, never gave in unless he was well and truly beaten, which was rare. But he slackened now, lips parting and eyes falling. Even though his arms stayed stubbornly at his sides and he didn’t do something as scandalous as hold his girlfriend’s hand in public, he melted under her touch and attention.

“All right! Bloss, you’re back early! This is massive, like, supernova massive,” Todd said. “Hey, I know! Let’s throw a party at mine tonight! Brick said you weren’t coming back for another couple of days, so this is like a cool early Christmas present to all of us.”

Bubbles gasped. “Oh my gosh, yes! Let’s all go to Todd’s tonight, just like we used to. I’m calling Robin right now.”

“We can make it a real Christmas party,” Blossom said. Somehow, she’d gotten ahold of Bubbles’ glitter pen and now smeared a generous amount on Brick’s cheeks until he gleamed without suffering a nuclear meltdown. A Christmas miracle, indeed.

“You’ll wear the Santa suit,” Hana said. Demanded.

“Ho ho ho! You got it, babe.”

“That thing’s a rental,” Brick said. “And it’s, like, 75 degrees outside.”

“If he gets too hot, I’ll hose him down,” Hana said.

Brick smartly decided not to press her on that one.

“I like your elf costume, Brick,” Blossom teased. Maybe.

“I’m burning it as soon as I get paid,” Brick said.

“I thought it was a rental like Todd’s?”

He hesitated, trapped by his own logic, and she laughed softly and kissed the side of his mouth. Brick froze and played it off like it didn’t affect him, but his eyes were drawn to Blossom’s lips for the next six whole minutes. Boomer really didn’t get why he had to make everything so damn complicated.

“Hey, hombres, our break is up and I see a super cute kid waiting to sit on the softest lap in Townsville,” Todd said, sinking back onto his candy cane throne and patting his lap.

Brick visibly cringed.

“It could be worse,” Mike whispered to Brick. “At least this time we get to keep our shirts on.”

Boomer smiled at the memory of Todd’s last seasonal gig he’d roped Brick and Mike into over the summer. The shirtless carwash had admittedly been one of his more rewarding part-time jobs, and Boomer had the photo evidence to cherish the memory extremely fondly.

Blossom and Hana retreated behind Mike while Bubbles finished up her phone call with Robin and Brick admitted the next child on set.

“Welcome to the North Pole,” he said with all the cheer of an old tire. Nonetheless, his cheeks dazzled. “What’s your name, kid?”

She looked up at him but didn’t say anything. Boomer noticed her shyness and decided he better intervene.

“Hey there,” he said, taking a knee so he could be on her eye-level. “Merry Christmas.”

That alarmed her even more, and she hugged Brick’s leg.

“What the—” Brick put his hands up like he didn’t know what to do with them. “Great.”

The girl’s parents were busy talking to Mike about the picture packages and didn’t seem to notice what was going on.

“Uh,” Boomer said, ready to flag them down before the little girl got scared or started to cry. They’d been lucky this morning with only one child throwing a temper tantrum out of the tens they’d seen.

“All right, kid. I hope you have a good grip.” Brick floated off the ground with the little girl clinging to his leg and flew over to Todd’s throne.

Boomer was so flabbergasted by his brother’s gross disregard for this child’s safety in front of her parents that he was momentarily stunned where he kneeled. It was over in about two and a half seconds, with her parents none the wiser and the little girl still in one piece, miraculously. Brick peeled her off him and dropped her on Todd’s lap.

“Name,” Brick demanded. And then, reluctantly: “…To check you off the Nice List.”

The little girl looked up at him with wide-eyed wonderment, or maybe fear. “Morana.”

“Morana. Super. Tell Todd—I mean, Santa—what you want. And smile for the camera.”

Todd didn’t miss a beat and wrapped his arms loosely around her to hold her safely in place. “Morana, that’s a pretty name. Wanna tell me what you want for Christmas?”

Morana pointed at Brick. “That one.”

Brick turned as red as his messy man bun. Todd wheezed.

“Oh, yeah? Well, that one’s taken, but I bet I can get you a picture together. How ‘bout it?” Todd asked.

Boomer was up and moving in a blue flash. “That can be arranged.” He shoved his brother with a healthy burst of Super strength, and Brick all but fell on his knee next to Todd’s throne. Boomer waved back at Mike for the picture.

“Big smile now!” Mike said cheerfully, and snapped the picture.

“What the hell is up with these kids?” Brick asked when Morana skipped back to her parents and started chattering at them in a language Boomer didn’t recognize but assumed must be all good things from the way she grinned from ear to ear. “They get bolder every year.”

“Or you’re just getting softer,” Boomer teased.

“Yeah, right.”

Blossom laughed at something Hana said on a nearby bench, drawing both their eyes.

“Whatever you say, man,” Boomer said.

xxx

Todd’s party was a nostalgic and long-overdue affair later that evening. Unlike Boomer, who had to make do in a small studio apartment on the outskirts of Citiesville where the rent was more manageable and his commute didn’t matter when flying anywhere took only minutes, Todd lived in a big house he took care of for his often absent, globe-trotting parents. Blossom, Bubbles, and Robin had taken the initiative and strung up Christmas lights, while Boomer created and managed the playlist for the night. They had a good crowd with old friends from high school and new ones from work and college gathered for no excuse other than to have a good time.

Butch, Buttercup, Mike, and Todd had set up beer pong in the basement, where most of the festivities were taking place. As usual, the shit talking and macho bravado had soared to ludicrous heights.

“Come on, BC,” Todd goaded. “Money shot, right here.” He fluffed his Santa beard, the ends of which were damp with beer. Buttercup had one cup left to hit.

“I’m about to straight-up tea bag you with this ping pong ball, Todd, I swear to god.” Buttercup tried to focus on her aim after too many beers and the distraction of Todd’s stupid Santa beard.

“Do it, fucking do it,” Butch said, bobbing on the balls of his feet and slightly manic with the competition and holiday cheer, probably.

“I’m gonna fucking do it!”

“I don’t think you can fucking do it,” Mike said.

“Ohhhhh!” Butch hollered when Buttercup lost her temper and threw the ball too hard. It bounced off Todd’s beard and fell on the floor, leaving the last cup untouched.

“Mike, you cheater!” Buttercup shouted.

Mike burst out laughing.

“All riiiiight, the Toddster’s final shot. You filming, babe?” Todd asked.

Hana, across the table from Boomer, had her phone out and poised. “Kick their asses, Toddy.”

“Yeah, bring it on, Toddy,” Butch jeered.

“Oh, it’s about to be brought.”

“Oh god, please, you peaked in high school,” Buttercup said.

“Hey, he plateaued,” Mike said. “There’s a difference.”

“Just take the damn shot!”

Todd shot, hit the rim of the solo cup, and missed. Buttercup and Butch threw up their hands and whooped. They were still in the game, and the stakes were even higher now.

Boomer squeezed Mike’s arm in a silent excuse and went to change the music…only to find Brick and Blossom making out in the hallway like it was their last night on Earth.

The music was fine, he decided. No need to interrupt Brick and Blossom trying to fuse with the wall and face his brother’s cock blocked wrath. Discreetly, Boomer snapped a picture on his phone and texted it to Bubbles.

[Boomer: Shooketh]

Bubbles’ reply was lightning fast.

[Bubbles: More like shattered!!]

[Bubbles: Better get out of there before they catch you lol 💀]

After another hour (and Brick and Blossom’s reemergence from the wall in one piece with not a hair out of place because god forbid), Boomer and Mike decided to head out early. They went back to Boomer’s apartment, where a very excited Pomeranian welcomed them home.

“Hi, Pumpkin!” Mike brightened like the sun and scooped up his favorite girl, left in Boomer’s care while he was away at college. “Who’s ready for a walk?”

They walked Pumpkin and let her tire herself out running around the suburban neighborhood where it was too late at night for any cars to be out. A half hour later, they were curled up on the loveseat with Pumpkin snoozing in her fuzzy bed at their feet and an old black-and-white Christmas movie playing on low volume on the television.

“Hey,” Boomer said, lifting his head from Mike’s chest to look at him properly.

Mike set aside the hot chocolate he’d been drinking and pulled Boomer up by his waist. “Hey, you. What is it?”

Boomer smiled. It was silly, really. “It’s nothing.”

“Oh?” Mike returned his smile and leaned closer. He smelled like soap, a hint of chocolate, and something else that made Boomer want to bury his face in his neck.

“Just happy,” Boomer said.

“Really? I can’t tell.”

Boomer sat up a little higher. The neck of Mike’s old lacrosse jersey he wore dipped down his shoulder, too big on him and softer than a cloud. He pressed a chaste kiss to the underside of Mike’s jaw. “How about now?”

“Hm, nope, I don’t think I quite got that.”

Boomer threaded his fingers though Mike’s short, dark hair at the nape of his neck. Feeling coquettish, he gave his ear a nip. “How about now?”

Mike shifted on the couch and pulled Boomer’s bent legs onto his lap. His voice was as warm as the hot chocolate he’d been drinking. “I think I’m starting to get a vague understanding.”

Boomer laughed and painted a trail of kisses along Mike’s jaw, up his chin. He pressed a strong hand to his chest and put a little power behind it. Centimeters apart, he could taste the lingering heat of the hot chocolate on Mike’s breath. “And now?”

Mike’s eyes drooped and darkened. His hands slipped around Boomer’s waist, under the jersey, a silent entreaty. “I think you can do a little better than that, Angel.”

The secret nickname broke Boomer’s resolve, and he kissed his boyfriend full on the mouth with all the confidence and shamelessness he couldn’t give him that morning at the mall surrounded by children and their parents. Mike’s shirt soon found its way to the floor along with Boomer’s borrowed jersey. The loveseat was too short to accommodate Mike’s height comfortably, and after a few moments Boomer held him close and flew them to the bed in a flash.

“I’ll never get over how hot that is,” Mike said, breathless.

Boomer blushed, unable to help it. He was careful with his strength around Mike, but sometimes the X bonded to his bones pushed him to the raw, carnal boundaries of humanity. Mike’s hand on his cheek drew him out of those spiraling thoughts.

“I mean it,” Mike said. “I love that part of you. And I trust you completely.”

Words did not come easily, nor did they seem appropriate in that moment. Boomer bent to kiss Mike again and pull him as close as he could get. Wrapped up in the warm sheets and each other, Boomer’s silly little thought that he had never been happier grew and swelled to heights he never could have imagined before Mike. They lay there together, lazy and sleepy, as the credits of their forgotten holiday movie played on the television.

“One more semester,” Mike said, “and then I graduate.”

“I can’t believe you’re almost a college graduate,” Boomer said. “It feels like you left ages ago.”

“Four years is a long time, but it’s not forever. And you should get ready.”

Boomer looked up at him. “Ready for what?”

“To move, of course.”

“Move?”

“Hey, I love how cozy your apartment is, but I’m pretty sure Pumpkin would appreciate her own room once we’re living together full time.”

Boomer sat up properly. “You… You want to move in together? With me?”

“Of course! The only question is, where do you want to go?”

Boomer covered his mouth. Of course he had thought about getting a place with Mike, but that always seemed like the distant future. What if they didn’t stay together? What if the long distance was too hard? What if Mike met someone else at college? Brick didn’t talk about it much, but after a few too many drinks one night the year Blossom and Mike both left for college, he’d confessed how afraid he was that he would lose her forever. How can the old be exciting and fun compared to the amazing, new adventures she would be having?

But from the way Boomer had caught them all but absorbing each other at Todd’s tonight, Blossom seemed perfectly happy to keep him. And Mike…

“You’re serious,” Boomer said.

“I’ve never been more serious.” Mike took his hand and kissed his knuckles carefully. “I can’t wait to start our lives together.”

Boomer could have cried. He almost did. Life was hard, even for a Super like him. With endless bills to pay and the occasional monster to dispose of, sometimes he felt like he was being pulled in too many directions without anyone there to help pick up the slack. But this… This was his.

“Me too,” Boomer said. “And I don’t care where we go, as long as it’s together.”

“Well, cool. In that case, if you’re not opposed to it, was thinking farther north, like Metroville. There are some great photography jobs there that I want to apply for, and the music scene is bigger than it is here—”

“Yes! A hundred percent yes, let’s do it. When do we leave?”

Mike laughed. “June 1st, as soon as they hand me my diploma.”

Six months. It had a date now. Unthinking, Boomer threw his arms around Mike’s broad shoulders and hugged him tight. “I’ll mark my calendar.”

“It’s a date.”

Incidentally, they did not get much sleep the rest of that night.

xxx

I told myself I wasn’t going to do a ton of fluff, but damnit all, Boomike is SUPER CUTE and I couldn’t help myself. Let them have the happy ending they deserve. Thanks for reading!

#PowerPuff Girls #powerpuff girls fanfiction #powerpuff girls fanfic #Blossick #PPG Reds #Boomike #Capri Sus #Todd x Hana #Brick #Boomer #Blossom #Todd #Mike Believe #february fic prompts

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orionsangel86 · 4 years ago

Text

Hey Everyone,

As you have probably noticed, I have neglected this blog for a long time now. I haven’t been on any fandom related social media at all actually. But I figured since I am currently in a good mindset, I want to write a post just outlining some things which basically boils down to a goodbye letter to Supernatural fandom.

Long rambling post below the cut...

This year (and the last) has just taken it out of me in terms of general negativity online both in fandom and in the real world. At first I got tired of fandom (mostly because Twitter is a cesspool of policing and bullying) and then I got tired of everything else (the world sucks right now, and my mental health basically stopped me from being able to participate in any form of online activism – just because I’m not blogging about something, doesn’t mean I don’t support the cause ya know?). Earlier this year, right around the time of the UK lockdowns, I had surgery and a recovery period in which I spent a lot of time with family, and just reacquainted myself with the real world. I think perhaps the coronavirus pandemic made me realise that long before lockdown began I had already been isolating myself from my real life and diving further and further into an online black hole.

It was years in the making. Supernatural fandom preoccupied my thoughts for such a long period of time it got to the point where every moment of my non working time seemed to be spent either online scrolling my tumblr dash or twitter feed, or reading fanfic or doing something fandom related. I invested so much of myself into this show and fandom that I think I forgot who I was before I was a Supernatural fan completely.

After my wake up call in late 2019, which lead me to break free from an extremely nasty clique, I have tried to re-enter fandom on my own terms, as well as attempt to enjoy the source material and the fandom creations to ignite some new spark of love and interest in the show. Yet as much as I have tried, I have failed to do so.

I was thinking recently about someone I used to follow years ago before I ever created a blog. When I was still just lurking in the tumblr shadows and followed the likes of Mittens, Lizbob, and other meta writers of the period, there was a blogger whose name I can’t remember but she was the funniest blogger I had come across. But when the show killed off Charlie Bradbury, she quit. I had never even interacted with her, as I was barely getting my blog started at the time, but I’ll never forget a post she wrote about her feelings on the show. She had recently started watching something else (I think it was Sense8 but can’t recall entirely), and that this new show had given her everything she had never thought she could have from her fave before. She wrote about how her relationship with Supernatural had become abusive. That for years the writers of Supernatural continued to throw punches at fans like her – women, LGBTQ+ people, people of colour, and yet she continued to give it all her time and attention, brushing off the punches because she was so damn devoted to the characters. Then this new show had come along, and it was like she had seen the light. The killing of Charlie Bradbury was the last straw, and she dumped Supernatural’s ass and fled into the arms of her new love.

I hope she is doing fantastically today.

What she wrote has resonated with me for years. I was a fairly new Supernatural fan at the time, and therefore didn’t really understand what she meant. A TV show can’t be abusive. Can it?

Of course, we are speaking in metaphor here, and in no way are these metaphors meant to reduce or limit the truly serious situation of actual abusive relationships, but every now and then, when a new episode of Supernatural has left me feeling upset, disappointed, frustrated and grossly let down, in some cases affecting my mood for days at a time, and therefore my mental health. I have thought back to those words she wrote and quietly agreed with them in my head. Yes. This is a metaphorically abusive relationship.

When I discovered earlier this year that Castiel was most likely going to be killed off in some sort of bullshit self sacrifice before the end of the show, I was extremely distressed. When I found out that my favourite person of all time Misha Collins, supported this ending for Castiel, and may have even been the one who pushed for it, I was more than distressed, I felt betrayed by the person I cared about most. I’ll admit to you all now that in my weakest moments I have fantasized about standing in front of Misha and screaming at him exactly just what kind of affect his “ideal ending” for Castiel will have on his fanbase, on their mental health, and potentially their own safety. This fantasy has me guilt tripping him and doing everything in my power to make him feel utterly shit about the decision. I know what you are thinking – don’t blame Misha, the guy has his own problems and we all know he projects his own self esteem issues onto Cas – and yes, I know this, like I said its only a fantasy to get me through my darkest moments. I don’t hate Misha at all. But perhaps I do love him a little less nowadays than I did back at the height of my fandom life. That’s at least still a little bit more than my feelings for Jensen and Jared which now I can only describe as complete indifference.

I am admitting all of this now knowing full well it will ignite shock and anger among the more die hard fans of J2M, to explain why I need to just leave this fandom completely, or more accurately, why I have already left fandom.

Over the past 10 months of 2020, I have watched a lot of TV (there isn’t much else to do during a lockdown when you are on crutches with your foot in a cast!) and the one thought that occurred to me over and over again was “this show is so much better than Supernatural”.

I kept comparing everything I watched, from the quality of the scripts, the actors, the special effects, to the inclusiveness of the shows. Just so many beautiful and interesting stories that seem to understand their audience, and understand how to entertain and impress without resorting to cringe humour, outdated jokes, and prejudice, not to mention misogyny and queerbaiting – yup, I said it.

The thing is, I think these thoughts have been creeping over me slowly for longer than just this year, but I have been desperately batting them away the way Dean Winchester bats away his own gay thoughts. Unlike Dean though, eventually I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I cannot continue to carve out space in my own soul for this show, which incessantly beats me down regardless of my devotion. The creators, the network, the writers, and sometimes even the cast, have all shown that they don’t care about me as a fan. I’m not some gun toting dudebro living in middle America, so why should they give a damn about me? I’m clearly not their target audience, nor have I ever been.

I know many of you will vehemently deny my personal opinion of Supernatural now. That is absolutely fine. I am sorry to be admitting it, but I had to. I feel like once I finally write out these words, I have got it off my chest and can close and lock the door on Supernatural for good.

Without Supernatural, I am able to focus on my real life, I am able to find pleasure in other things, new things, interesting things, that bring me joy and joy alone – not disappointment and frustration. I found a new job this year, which has been a huge accomplishment as I was stagnating in my old one, and several new hobbies under my belt. I moved to a new flat, I have a lovely flatmate who has been a godsend throughout lockdown, and I have rekindled friendships that I was neglecting due to my Supernatural obsession.

All in all, I am finding post-Supernatural life far more rewarding and content than my life in fandom. It has taken me a while, but I am over the show. And whilst I will always hold a special place in my heart for Castiel, it will be as I know him in my own mind; as the wonderful, strong, powerful and determined angel with a soul, who loves so strongly, and who is worth so much more than his own creators give him credit for. He is up there with Aziraphale and Crowley, with The Doctor, and Buffy, as one of the greatest characters of all time.

So the Supernatural writers and creators can take whatever ending they have decided upon, and shove it up their asses. I am sorry to say that Sam and Dean Winchester are also lost to me. Any love I had for them was destroyed by their later season depictions. Castiel alone is the only character worthy of that space in my heart now. If in time he longs for a companion, I will find one for him, but it won’t be the Dean Winchester of the canon show. Canon Dean hasn’t been deserving of Cas for a long time now.

Perhaps I am still a little bitter about the ending. Perhaps the finale won’t be the disaster I expect it to be, perhaps Dabb will somehow turn it all around last minute following whatever travesty Bucklemming have given us in 15x19. Either way, I won’t be watching.

So this is me saying goodbye to this blog, at least until I have decided what else to do with it. It certainly won’t be a Supernatural fandom blog anymore. It wasn’t all wasted though. I did get a wonderful friendship group out of this fandom, and I have certainly expanded my knowledge of film and television analysis, as well as having enjoyed a great many memes.

I guess in the end, my internal war with my inner bitter Cas girl finished with her winning, and writing this post. Once it is posted however, I will put her to sleep with thoughts of a happy Castiel, who has swapped his wings for a beating human heart, and is living on a beach somewhere beautiful, refurbishing an old Victorian house, and greeting his kindly elderly neighbours. There’s a gay bar on the main strip, and the bartender is quite a dish. Green eyes and light brown hair with a killer smile. Castiel thinks he looks familiar, like a memory from a past life, but they’ve definitely never met, because this man is kind.

Now that she is asleep, there is nothing left for me here. Goodbye everyone. Whether you manage to enjoy the finale or not, I truly hope you too, find your peace.

#personal #a goodbye message to fandom

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shikai-the-storyteller · 4 years ago

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I changed my mind, and decided I want to share some thoughts and initial impressions while I still have this show fresh on my mind, so here we go:

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Transformers War for Cybertron - Siege

The Good:

The transformation sequences, particularly the first ones we see, are so reminiscent of the stop-motion videos people do of their Transformer toys transforming, and I think that’s rather charming! I wonder if that was intentional or a coincidental side-effect of the animation style they went for.

Character traits aren’t set in stone. Although we, as a fandom, prefer certain portrayals (Starscream being a terrible gremlin, Skyfire/Jetfire being sweet, Bumblebee being a charming young lad, etc.) sometimes it’s nice to see something new! Both Cyberverse and WFC: Siege took a different direction with Jetfire’s character. Although it’s disappointing that we don’t get to see the Jetfire / Starscream friendship most of us expected, I think Jetfire’s growth throughout the season was interesting.

I also like that the colonies (Velocitron and Caminus, anyways) were confirmed to exist in this continuity. It was nice to see Chromia, Moonracer, Elita, and Arcee together in the same show too. That being said, Moonracer’s model looked exactly like Chromia’s so I was a little confused at first. The narrative also didn’t really endear her to me, so despite loving her in the comics, my thoughts were “Oh. That sucks but whatever I guess” when she died, which leads me to my next point:

The Bad:

The writing.

This is particularly evident in the first three episodes; in fact, I almost stopped watching after Episode One. Siege lacks the soul and personality I’ve come to expect from the Transformers series as a whole.

The script, particularly in the first few episodes, felt like it was written by people who aren’t familiar with these characters, so they’re writing Optimus, Elita, and everyone else how they EXPECT them to sound, not writing them as they actually are.

I don’t like to judge fellow writers too harshly because I know that often times, they don’t get a final say in a lot of things, but there were unfortunately a lot of things that could’ve been done better.

As a Transformers fan, I’m already inclined to like the characters, but the show didn’t do much to make me really care about them or their problems* (with one exception, which I’ll circle back to). As much as I’d like to blame the 6 episode time-crunch, there was a lot of wasted dialogue time that could’ve been used to charm the audience.

TLDR: There’s a lot of talking in the show but the dialogue doesn’t actually say a lot. It doesn’t reveal much about the characters, or tell me who they are, or why I should care about them.

* The one area where Siege actually did put in the footwork to make me care was in regards to Impactor and Ratchet (one of the few characters whose personality we really get a sense for despite not having too much screen-time). Immediately, we’re shown how Ratchet earned Impactor’s trust, and we see why Impactor is loyal to him. They built up that relationship, so when Impactor dies protecting Ratchet, we get to feel that payoff and actually feel bad about his death! (Unlike some of the other deaths in the show, which I just shrugged at.). Because of that scene, I’m hopeful that Siege will start focusing on building relationships between their characters more. The series got better as time went on, so I’m inclined to keep giving it the benefit of the doubt despite my initial misgivings.

I try not to compare different series too much because there are a lot of outside forces that determine what a show winds up being, but re: writing with a time crunch, I think it’s important to talk about a show that did use their time well: Transformers Cyberverse.

Cyberverse got me invested in its characters within the first episode. They only had 10 minutes to tell a story, yet they made good use of their time and wove a tight narrative while also giving their characters the opportunity to charm the audience.

Although we can argue Cyberverse had more time to do this since they had more seasons, even one-off characters, such as Media Fire or Wild Wheel, had more of a personality by the end of the episode than some Siege characters did by the end of the season.

The stakes aren’t really clear. Why should we care about one side losing or winning? We’re given some reasons why it would be “bad” if the Autobots lose since Shockwave convinced Megatron to use something that will change their base programming (or whatever, even that was a little bit vague) but ultimately we don’t have clear motivation for Megatron OR Optimus, the two faction leaders! Although they imply that Megatron / the Decepticon’s roots were based in a civil rights revolution (a-la IDW1) even that is inconsistent. As a friend put it, “Megatron and Optimus are both huge idiots, why root for either of them?”

This is a minor thing, but as a writer it really bugged me so I’m making a note of it anyways: it was really annoying when characters kept pausing while talking. (Ex: “I………*long pause* [the rest of their sentence]”). Characters also kept saying things, only to let their sentences trail off. The cadence of their voices felt unnaturally slow and scripted, so it was a little difficult not to zone out while they were speaking. Perhaps this wasn’t a problem for other people, but it really took me out of the moment. That being said, this wasn’t as much of an issue in later episodes, which I greatly appreciated.

Another minor detail: this show felt like a barren wasteland of comedy. There were one or two moments I chuckled at (and one I really laughed at---Shockwave and Soundwave’s reaction to Megatron telling Starscream “You’ve proven your worth to the Decepticon cause”) but for the most part, I would’ve appreciated a little bit more humor. I mean, I know this series is aimed at an older audience, but it’s a show about robots that can transform into cars. The entire premise is goofy if you think too hard about it, so a joke here or there isn’t going to ruin your vibe.

The Ugly

Decepticons and Autobots are two different races.

Even within the first few episodes, we know the foundation of the war started because of issues of oppression and slavery. This isn’t subtle---Megatron clearly spells this out for us on several occasions. This topic isn’t new, we’ve seen most other Transformers continuities parrot the same thing. So why is it different here? It’s a bit of a complex issue, but as a gal of color, it really rubbed me the wrong way, and I feel like it’s important to talk about.

The show implies many times that Autobots and Decepticons are inherently different. It’s not a matter of your allegiance or your beliefs---it’s what you’re born as. (Functionism, anyone?)

Functionism itself was a very interesting Transformers-specific way to discuss prejudice and oppression, but to suddenly make it race-based feels a little...Hmm. More than a little uncomfortable.

It felt a little bit like they were saying: "Yes, we're tackling the topic of oppression! Yes, we're saying these two groups are inherently different, and therefore that excuses prejudice and supremacy arguments both the good guys AND the bad guys are making!"

Big Yikes

The subject of genocide and eugenics-adjacent arguments came up several times, and while we saw aspects of that in IDW’s run, making it race-based puts it in a different light. An ugly light.

One final thing on that note: the entire thing with Prowl. "Prisoners outnumbered law enforcement so the council created core override implants as a deterrent. [...] It means we can remotely trigger brain detonation."

I’m sorry, what?

The entire concept of “Core override” was INCREDIBLE fricked up. Yes, they had the decency to make Prowl sound ashamed of it, and the rest of the Autobots sounded appalled, but the fact that they proceed to install it on Jetfire despite their initial repulsion was frankly disturbing, especially because Optimus (Optimus PRIME) agreed to it. It felt incredibly out of character for him, and it went against the Autobot code as a whole. Everything about that, and the race-division, made me really uncomfortable, and I’m not sure how well Siege is going to handle this moving forward.

As a whole, I feel like War for Cybertron: Siege has a lot of work to do. Although the last few episodes were definitely an improvement, there’s still significant room to grow and they need to work harder to create a compelling narrative with lovable characters.

In the meantime, what were your thoughts on the series? I’d love to know how other people reacted, particularly regarding the last bit.

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panharmonium · 4 years ago

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Stiles?

[disclaimer for other folks before I start this one: I HAVE ONLY WATCHED SEASONS 1-4 OF TEEN WOLF. I *am* going to finish it, and I have been carefully avoiding spoilers for anything past Season 4, including general impressions of whether or not people like various seasons, comparisons of quality between seasons, etc. PLEASE do not reply to this post or talk to me about Teen Wolf unless you are scrupulously avoiding ALL discussion of seasons 5-6. Thank you!]

First impression:

Positive! I already have a weak spot for smart, witty side characters, so I liked him from the start. But I didn’t get super interested in him until the episode with the parent-teacher conference - the sequence where each parental group is having a conversation with a different teacher and something is revealed about each of the kids is actually what got me hooked on Teen Wolf as a whole. Before that, I’d been kind of casually interested in all the characters, but then the show turned around and was like, “hey, remember the character tropes we set you up for with these kids? SURPRISE, WE’RE SMARTER THAN THAT! EVERY SINGLE OF THESE CHARACTERS IS FULLY ROUNDED AND FLESHED OUT AND DOESN’T FIT IN A BOX.”

The whole way that sequence is edited is just fantastic. How it cuts between what the teachers are saying and what the kids are doing at that moment - amazing. The minute I heard about Jackson’s adoption/Scott’s missing dad/Stiles’s mom/Lydia’s intelligence + her parents’ separation, I was a goner for that show.

Impression now:

Love him. It’s hard for me to say “favorites” with Teen Wolf, because I really do adore every single character. But he’s one of my favorites. XD

Favorite moment:

Way too many. One of the smaller moments that I really love with him is during 3A when they’re trying to escape with Cora from the hospital, and they’re exiting the ambulance, and Stiles stops midway out and the scene kind of slows down as he stares at the intake form hanging on the ambulance door, because he just saw the signature line that said “Parent/Guardian” and he’s figuring out that Jennifer isn’t actually aiming for “warriors” right now, she’s aiming for “guardians.” And then he takes off running, because he knows Jennifer’s going to go for Melissa.

I love the way that entire scene was cut, and the way they start playing this song as he begins to figure it out, and the way everything else slows down and the world falls away as realization sets in. I just really love seeing how smart he is - his brain is always working, even when they’re in the middle of a crisis. Like Lydia says, “You’re the one who always figures it out.”

Speaking of Lydia - another favorite Stiles moment is at the dance in 1.11, when he tells her he knows how smart she really is and that she’s going to "write some insane mathematical theorem that wins [her] the Nobel Prize.” I just - I will legitimately go to the mat over lazy, provably incorrect takes that try to argue that Stiles was just immaturely idolizing the “image” of a girl he thought was pretty. The entire point of their relationship is that Stiles has always seen past the airhead image Lydia puts on to survive their high school jungle - he doesn’t shame her for putting it on, but he doesn’t lie to her about believing the act, either. He knows she’s a genius. He admires her so much. He thinks she’s the coolest damn person in the world.

[^Someday I will type up the infuriated rant that rises in me every time I see some unbearably misguided take on Stiles’s relationship with Lydia falling into the “Nice Guy (TM)” category (when it is canonically the EXACT OPPOSITE), because every time I see someone say that I get the urge to start breaking stuff.]

Idea for a story:

Oh, boy. Well, I have about 50k of unpublished Teen Wolf fic (from both Stiles and Allison’s POV) on my computer, which was all part of a massive two-part project that in retrospect I think was maybe a little too ambitious for me at the time. I’m not abandoning it, because I love what I’ve written so far, but it needs to be seriously re-worked before it can be continued.

Ultimately, the project was my answer to some things about 3B that I found unsatisfying on a storytelling front, but it was a bigger thing than I could pull off successfully at that stage of my writing life. I’ve been getting a lot more experience with longfic and plotting from my Merlin work, though, so I think once I pivot back to Teen Wolf I’ll be better placed to tackle this project.

Unpopular opinion:

If there’s anybody here who ships the Big Teen Wolf Ship, you’ll probably want to go ahead and scroll on by this bit.

I have generally been very diligent about avoiding the TW fandom, just because I’m still avoiding spoilers for the seasons 5 and 6, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been, uh...exposed to way more information about its ship distribution than I ever wanted to know. And I remain BAFFLED about why it looks the way it looks.

I say this every time this topic comes up, but there are some ships that I just don’t care for, and then there are some ships that I literally cannot comprehend where on earth they came from. Derek/Stiles is a ship where I can’t understand where it came from. It squicks me so badly. Literally just the tiniest glimpse of it makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

I don’t know if people just...don’t understand that Derek is canonically in his twenties????? Or if they’re all fast-forwarding the timeline and aging Stiles up; I don’t know. I’ve never investigated. But I don’t understand why this ship ever even occurred to anyone. I don’t get it. I was teaching high school when I was Derek’s age. There is NOTHING romantically compatible between a 16 year-old and a 22/23 year-old, in any non-fucked up version of reality.

So there’s the grossed-out factor, for me, and then there’s also just the fact that this ship is yet another example of fandom’s inability to read any relationship with a fascinating, complex dynamic as anything other than romantically-motivated, despite the fact that a romantic relationship is indisputably NOT present in the canon.

Anyway. I could say more about this, but ultimately I’m a “you do you” person. I’m not going to bother anyone for shipping this, and I don’t care what people do with their own fandom time. But my personal unpopular opinion is that Derek/Stiles is the most bizarre, textually unsupported, squicky ship I’ve ever seen.

Favorite relationship:

Stiles and Scott, Stiles and Lydia, Stiles and Allison, Stiles and Melissa. And STILES AND HIS FATHER.

Favorite headcanon:

This is WAY old, but to pull from an ancient post: a friend and I used to talk about the Great Flu Epidemic of 2005, which brought down the entire McCall-Stilinski clan over the course of a single weekend and which has never been definitively traced back to its source. To this day, the four of them still argue about who brought it home first.

Stiles does a science project on it in the fourth grade and on the one hand his teacher is actually impressed and relieved that Stiles was finally able to focus on something long enough to finish an assignment, but when little Scott McCall keeps interrupting Stiles’s presentation to present contrasting evidence it turns into a Production of Epic Proportions and the class gets too riled up to focus on anyone else’s projects.

The call home that time is basically like:

Mrs. Gordon: “So the good news is this project was surprisingly well-researched - ”

Papa Stilinski: “Oh, god.”

#thanks friend! :D #replies #teen wolf

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borisbubbles · 4 years ago

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17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

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So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism.

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got.

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

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Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

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Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

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Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

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I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo! Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc.

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3 God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!!

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.

#Eurovision #Eurovision 2020 #Eurovision Song Contest #Czech Republic #Czechia #Bohemia #Ben Christovão #Benny Christo

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crystalelemental · 4 years ago

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OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU FUCK THIS UP?! THIS WAS THE EASIEST LAYUP IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AND SOMEHOW YOU FUCKED IT UP, GODDAMMMIT HEROES!

Okay, let me get this out of the way. Both Mythics. Triandra AND Freyja. So cool, that...really fucks my day up. I love Freyja, she’s easily the best central antagonist in the game thus far, but the rest of Green...sucks. It sucks. I have absolutely no need of Triandra, nor any desire to pull her. She has good fodder though, not gonna lie. Attack/Speed Push 4 is beautiful fodder for a unit I cannot give a shit about. Speed/Res Rein is...okay. Honestly she’s overall okay. The Guard effect on foes is nice, but frankly I’m not really worried about that. My Dark defense team is good enough. And on that topic, they’re cycling effects for Mythics. Triandra is a straight up improvement on Yune, if you consider Yune the worst Dark mythic. I don’t, so I actually like Yune better, but you know.

Freyja though? Seriously, what is this? Like, if we were gunning for the most severe form of powercreep yet, look no further. She’s a cav unit, whose weapon is DC and built-in speed-based damage reduction. Okay. So the best of both Dimitri in one, fascinating. Attack/Speed Solo 4 is amazing for a unit with DC inherent, and speed-based damage reduction. But like. What is that signature B-skill? So just by default, gives herself all stats +2, and inflicts -2 to all stats of the foe. But wait! If the foe has a bonus, it turns their bonus into a combat penalty, and gives her the same bonus! All of this is based on her being by herself, but...speed based damage reduction and DC weapon. What possible support does she need? Oh, and she’s a Light mythic. Can we put that on Astra? Please? Just...let me put that on Astra. Just fuck Thrasir’s day up. Give us an easy win there. We already have Mila for supertanking, we really don’t need this.

So Green is fucked. I only want one unit, though. Triandra is great fodder, and Hel is also great fodder, but ultimately I just want that Freyja.

But hey, what about Colorless? You know, the thing I’ve been pinning my hopes on for the last month. I mean, we’re at the Braves right? It’s gotta be Brave Claude! ...oh, what? Oh, it’s Shinon? One of my most disliked characters in the entire series? Oh well, that’s great, thanks I guess. Seriously, why? Why this? Why now? I hate Shinon. This literally ruins everything. Even with all his fodder there’s no way I can recover from pulling like 8 of him and no Corrin like I did with fucking Eir when I was after Grima. I can’t go through that with this fuck. I guess Water and Wind season remain a fucking disaster then, because I really, truly cannot. Like, who would even take it? Time’s Pulse isn’t that great, I don’t need it on many units. Lull Attack/Speed is great, and definitely the most valuable thing he’s got overall, but even then a lot of units who want it have it. Deadeye is shiny and new, but I can’t really think of anyone who desperately wants it. Norne and Faye both need recovery, as does V!Faye for Aether Raids. L!Leif has his superior signature special. There’s just...no one. No one needs this. No one wants this that badly. So like...what the fuck? What am I actually going to do with like a dozen Shinon if this banner goes south, huh? Fuck, I cannot believe they fucked this up.

Red and Blue both suck, no one cares. Brave Lysithea is nice, but Sothis is the actual worst Mythic, and L!Eliwood isn’t good either, so Red is a dead draw. Blue has Apotheosis Anna for some reason, but then we get Tiki and Azura, characters I have at +10 and +9 respectively from pitybreakers. So they’re useless.

Honestly...I’m kind of upset. This was supposed to save my Arena off-seasons. Water and Wind were supposed to be salvaged. But nope, not like this. Worse, Freyja is on the worst possible season. Like, Eir is now +10, she’s way too useful for scoring and I’m not getting Freyja to +10, so she can’t go. Can’t get rid of Mila because then V!Faye won’t do her job or supertanking, and we lose the Isolation effect on dancers. Can’t get rid of Peony because she’s too valuable as Dancer support when you have a limited turn count, and an armor unit that needs to be able to travel. Freyja is literally dead weight. It’s cute that she can probably solo entire defense teams with no issues, but you need someone to snipe the pots and take care of everything else, so like fuck this. And hilariously, it looks like Triandra is a great counter to her speed-based playstyle.

Basically, they fucked literally everything up. Freyja being a light mythic is a disaster. Had she been Astra, she’d be the best unit in that season no questions asked. Had they just put Brave Claude on colorless, it would be the perfect spread, but now I’m not even sure I want to try that hard on the fucking thing, for fear of fucking Shinon. We went from this being a massive enticing banner, to being almost a full skip. I won’t. I want at least one copy of Freyja for reasons, and I will try for Corrin and Leif, just to get somewhere on them as projects for Arena. But my god, I’ve never seen something that looked so good turn out to be such shit.

But hey, at least this means saving some of my expenses for F!Morgan who comes back in a week and a half, or the new Heroes who will probably be a disappointment anyway!

#fire emblem heroes #seriously fuck this banner I'm actually pissed

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71tenseventeen · 5 years ago

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Take My Hand (Take My Whole Life Too)-25

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24 Warnings for sexual content, male pregnancy, non-hockey Sid. Sid and Taylor’s ages have been altered to fit the story.

Perpetual credit to my betas, @queen-alia and @icosahedonist and to @cakemakethme and @ljummen for helping me along!

Thanks for being patient with me while I finished Into That Bad Night!

The Pens start the season with four home games. They win the first three.

The fourth is a mess and the first loss of the season. Sid watches, frustrated, from the stands as things fall apart in the second and they just can’t get the game back.

At home, he waits up but Geno’s later than usual and he falls asleep on the couch, stirring when he hears Geno shuffling in. Sid sits up just as he passes through, stopping to throw a surprised look at Sid. “Thought you would already be in bed.”

“I wanted to wait for you.”

Geno shakes his head. “Is nice but I’m need do some things before bed. You go on, need sleep.”

Sid nods, realizing Geno wants time alone.

He can’t sleep though, tossing and turning in the empty bed for half an hour before he gives up trying. He hadn’t expected Geno to be all over him the way he had been after the wins but he hates doing nothing while Geno is upset. Resolved, he throws the covers back; He won’t know how to help unless he asks.

Geno is hunched over his laptop, re-watching the game at the kitchen island when Sid finds him.

“Does that help?”

Geno pops his head up. “Sid. What you doing up?”

He shrugs, leaning back against the counter next to Geno. “I couldn’t sleep. What are you doing up?”

Geno gives him a look.

“Okay, yeah. I guess that was a stupid question. Are you okay?”

Geno furrows his brow. “I’m fine, Sid. That why you awake?”

“No. Well, maybe. A little—I mean….” Sid sighs. “I don’t know. I just wanted to see if I could help. Or...something. I know, that’s stupid and I can’t do anything to change the game.”

Geno surprises him by smiling. It’s just a little smile but Sid will take it. “Hey, is not stupid. Is sweet.”

Sid feels his cheeks heating up. “I—”

Geno tugs on Sid’s arm until he’s standing in front of him. “Sweet,” He says firmly. “But you right, can’t change game.”

“Neither can you.”

“No, but I can watch and learn and change next game.”

“That’s…” Sid smiles at him. “No wonder you’re Captain. You work really hard.”

Geno ducks his head. “I just try my best.”

Sid squeezes his hand. “I see how hard you work. I’m going to let you get back to it now. Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?”

Geno looks up at him for a long moment before squeezing back. “Okay.”

“Night G.”

Sid’s just settled back in when the door opens. He doesn’t say anything as Geno sheds his clothes and climbs into bed. Sid lets himself be pulled closer as Geno wraps around him. He waits until they’re settled to say softly, “All done for the night?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry I ignore you when I come home.”

“You didn’t ignore me.”

“No but I know not exactly what you been used to,” he replies with a playful smile that makes Sid laugh.

“No, it’s not and I didn’t expect that. I just—I wasn’t sure what you needed. If it’s space, I can do that.”

“Is what I’m used to.”

Sid nods and rests his head on Geno’s chest. “Okay.”

It’s quiet for a few beats before Geno says softly into the dark. “Not used to having someone around after bad games. Normal routine, I’m come home, be angry, sometimes work out again. Watch game.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that if it helps.”

“Sometimes it does. Tonight I thought just want to review video like always but then after you leave kitchen I miss you little bit.”

Sid lifts his head to look at him in the dark. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Think maybe I still needed little bit of time but this—this help too, you know?”

Sid smiles. “Okay.” He pauses before adding. “Do you, um, do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” Geno replies softly. “Just be here with you is good.”

Geno touches his face, stroking Sid’s cheek a few times before he slides his palm behind Sid’s neck and pulls gently. “Come here,” he says, voice nearly a whisper as he pulls Sid to him for a kiss. It’s slow and sweet and Sid can’t help the way he sinks into it.

Geno deepens the kiss but he keeps it slow, pulling back long enough to whisper “sweet,” against Sid’s lips before kissing him again and again.

They don’t go anywhere with it, just trading soft kisses until Geno tucks Sid against his chest again, stroking fingers through his hair silently until they both fall asleep.

Sid wakes up early intending to cook a nice breakfast for them before Geno leaves. He has to go straight to the airport after practice for the Pens first away games—a back-to-back with the Panthers and the Lightning. But before Sid can even get a leg out of the bed, Geno is pulling him back, kissing his neck and jaw and, well.

Geno has time to scarf down some hastily scrambled eggs before he leaves, stopping on his way out the door to kiss a still disheveled Sid.

Sid stands there for a second, grinning like an idiot until he spots Geno’s bag still sitting by the door. He grabs it and races to the door only to find Geno standing on the other side with a wide grin when he yanks it open.

“I’m forget bag.”

Sid holds it up. “I saw.”

Geno licks his lower lip, staring at Sid for a moment before he dives into another kiss. He doesn’t stop until Sid pulls back with a soft laugh. “Geno,” he admonishes. “You’re going to be late.”

“Can’t help. Keep thinking three whole nights away. I win both games and you celebrate without me.” He fakes a pout.

“Oh you think so?”

Geno backs him up against the door frame. “I’m call you after games, from hotel room. We celebrate together. Is tradition, Sid.”

Sid laughs. “It was three times!”

“In Russia three times, tradition for life.”

“Oh my god, you’re ridiculous.” But he’s laughing as Geno kisses him again. It takes Sid threatening not to take his calls for Geno to finally allow himself to be pushed gently away.

He pretends to pout as he says, “Most mean. I call you later, okay?”

“Okay. Have a good flight.”

Geno winks as he goes.

They beat the Panthers in a 6-1 blowout but lose to the Lightning in the last few seconds of overtime.

Sid’s watching them file off of the ice on the television screen when he feels it.

At first he’s not sure he felt anything at all, it happened so quickly. But then he reaches for the remote when he feels it again—a flutter from within, almost like a tiny popcorn kernel bouncing around—and he freezes. Just like the first time, it’s over as fast as it started. He pays close attention while he takes his cup to the kitchen and turns everything off downstairs but there’s still nothing so he heads upstairs to get ready for bed.

Sid knows Geno isn’t likely to be very chatty after a loss like that and the team will go straight from Amalie to the airport so the window of time that Geno could call is small, anyhow. Still, he puts the phone on the nightstand before he climbs in bed. He’s just settled in when he feels it again.

He sits up in bed and fumbles the lamp on again. This time, it doesn’t stop. He grabs for his phone and a quick search pretty much confirms his theory.

It’s the baby.

He doesn’t think—just dials Geno. He calls twice with no answer and is contemplating sending a text when the phone rings in his hands. “Geno,” he answers quickly.

“Sid, what going on? You okay? What wrong?” Geno sounds so worried and Sid feels bad because he didn’t mean to scare Geno but—

“I feel the baby moving,” he blurts, wondering if maybe he should have just waited until Geno got home.

There’s a long pause.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called. I-I know you’re probably headed to the airport or something and I should have—”

Geno cuts him off. “Sid,” he breathes and he is definitely smiling. “You sure?”

Sid’s own smile widens. “Pretty sure, yeah.”

“So glad you called, Sid. So happy you tell me.” To say Geno is happy is an understatement. Sid can hear the restraint in his voice as he quietly but excitedly asks for every detail. Sid happily describes everything until he can hear the soft rumble of the team in the background and Geno sighs. “Have to go now, we headed to airport but I’m home in few hours. I see you soon, okay?”

“Okay. See you soon,” he echoes softly.

Sid’s still smiling when he hangs up.

It’s close to three in the morning when Geno gets home but Sid stirs the second he hears the bedroom door open. “Hi,” he says with a smile, voice a little sleep rough.

Geno hastily sheds his suit and climbs onto the bed. “Hey,” he breathes out, voice filled with reverence as he nestles close. His hands immediately find Sid’s belly, big palms covering as much skin as he can. “You feel now?”

Sid pauses because the sensation is still new but then— He breaks into a wide smile. It’s faint but it’s definitely there. “I do.”

“Fuck, Sid.” And then he’s moving down to rest his cheek against Sid’s belly, next to his hand. “Know I can’t feel yet but…”

“It’s okay, I get it.”

It’s quiet for a little while and Sid wonders if Geno is falling asleep but then he feels a soft kiss against the side of his belly. “Can’t feel you yet but your Dada can. You keep kicking legs, get strong. When you old enough we take you to rink, teach you to skate and you be best at skating.”

Sid laughs and can’t resist dropping a hand in Geno’s hair.

It’s a long time before either of them falls asleep.

Two days later, Sid goes to practice for the first time since before he was pregnant. He’s been having trouble filling his days, antsy without classes or work to keep him busy. So when Geno had tentatively asked him to come, Sid had been hesitant but decided to go.

It’s fun to watch them run drills and, afterwards, he nervously meets Geno in the team hallway. Geno just juts his chin determinedly and starts dragging Sid around, introducing him to everyone on the team. For their part, everyone is friendly to him, though Geno does get a generous amount of ribbing when it’s obvious that Sid’s pregnancy was a direct result of Cup party celebrations.

After that Sid goes to practices more often than not.

Part 26

#Take My Hand #my fic #sidgeno #mpreg #part 25

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tslasvegas · 4 years ago

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Episode 3: “UGH just rename Luxor to Loser” - Xavier

Well... that takes care of the Timmy problem... Love Timmy... Just didn’t know how our dynamic would be cus he was runner-up to the last survivor game I played which I won. Hm... Well...

That went well. There's nothing like a live video tribal to get people together. and stephen didn't react too badly. but i know now he won't work with me moving forward

I’m sorry I’m terrible at confessionals... So things are going well, I think we have a decent tribe but it is too soon to tell. I’m not a huge fan of creative challenges, at least from my previous game, I guess we will see how that goes. Most of the guys seem nice, still trying to feel everyone out.`

A 4-2 vote off is interesting. Someone is on the bottom for sure. Also, this next challenge is a creative challenge and when I do these solo I usually do really well. Hopefully I can channel that energy into a win for us here because two tribes are going to tribal. We’ll be down to 17 after this, so I’m not sure if we’d go into a tribe swap yet? Maybe 2 tribes of 8 with one person sitting out?

Oh hot dang, two tribes are going to tribal next time. Probably going to be us :( now it is time to make alliance chats!

....five seconds later

I suspect that after this double vote out that there will be a tribe swap. I hope I end up with Mo and Jaiden at least.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17NPxKO_TKgqjNqsaWlbmlL0jgU36Aygi/view?usp=drivesdk

I really like this challenge. I feel confident about it but at the same time nervous that 2 tribes will be going to tribal. I really hope my tribe wins this one since I still don't know how the tribe feels about me. Wish me luck guys!

My tribe is not going to win this immunity challenge. Our nightclub is due just hours away and we have little nothing done. I am going to have to scramble soon.....I did nothing to help my tribe with the challenge, so if it is me that goes, I would understand

....five seconds later

Honestly, I want to keep Jaiden and Mo around because I feel closer with them than anyone else. I want to keep Kailyn around because she seems to make time for challenges. Everyone else I am okay with going home, Ben hasn't really done anything soooooo maybe him? Oof

If we lose, then it's 2/3rds my fault and 1/3 Stephen. We better not be on the chopping block if we do lose. This is a two person Tribe as of now. Bobby Jon and Stephenie.

...five seconds later

UGH just rename Luxor to Loser

Second we lose Ben finally responded to my pm’s..... hm..... alright....

Y’all rlly won with a PowerPoint SKDJDJSKLALALL

Some of these guys have an excuse for not giving input into the challenge. Some do not. If I go home because some americans could be bothered doing some base level discussion, ill be annoyed. If I go home because a tribe threw a challenge because they thought id be an easy vote, ill be pissed.

youtube

All that hard work that went into this challenge really paid off! We scored the best and don’t have to attend tribal!! Which is absolutely exciting! Andrew told me he wanted to work together which is rad. Livingston and I want to work together which is radder. And Joey and i want to work together which is raddest. I haven’t spoken too much with Jeff lately even though we talked quite a bit early on. Pat and I speak occasionally. Stephanie and I didn’t really speak at all until recently but we’ve gotten into a good groove the last few days. I’m feeling pretty good about this game so far. I hope there’s no tribal swap or anything right away.

So when I get my chip total I'm gonna update Keegan. He is currently at a soap making class but I want him to know I am serious about working with him in this game and I think this is a good gesture. - keegan has let me know he has 4 chips and is willing to pool them over to me when we have enough so that we can unlock the store. I let him know I am okay with doing the same thing to him, whichever. But yes this is looking HOT for me. - "what's in the store?" | all i can really assume is advantages. we need 10 chips to unlock it. This is very similar to the Unnamed Season but the betting cap gives us more control. At this point, I don't think anyone can mathematically unlock without pooling chips. Keegan and I just need 1 more chip between us. Let's just hope we aren't separated by a swap or some shit. I am hoping for a bit more time on this amazing tribe to get that set up so I have a good idea of what the store holds.

We lost again!?!?!?!?!??! I am so surprised? Nah I'm kidding, but I don't care. I don't blame our team for losing because 3/5 of us were panicking because our president could be a cheetoh. I'm voting Stephen tonight, I hope the others follow suit. It SHOULD be simple, but 9 hours is a long time for Survivor; and if he knows it's him then might run around and create some chaos - which would be funny.

Rachael (love her she’s probably who I’m closest with along with DeNara and Kailyn) is not being subtle about the fact that she either has a pre-existing friendship with Ben or is currently aligned with Ben. Because Ben, from my knowledge has not been social with anyone, nor has he been super active and in our alliance chat with Kailyn, Rachael seems uncomfortable with the fact that Ben is said to be the vote and is saying she would prefer someone else to go. But like c’mon you can’t deny he hasn’t been social, and even if I had a friendship with somebody before a game, if they aren’t active I’m voting them out. Also I lied to my tribe a couple times this round because I’m lazy.

UGH. We LOST the challenge!!! And it wasn't even close *grumbles angrily* But it's okay. I'm gonna have to work my pussy out to this entire tribe to make them keep me around! I feel pretty good about this, I believe the target is leaning towards Ben but we'll have to wait and see. I don't think it's possible rn but I'm hoping for a swap soon so I can feel a little more re-energized in this game because my tribe has been super quiet lately... I think people will try to move the vote around so I'm going to use my current lack of employment as an opportunity to make myself stay alive on this tribe lmao

These guys are being super boring and either Jake is dumber than i thought, or shadier than i gave him credit for. Xavier might be trying to play me but regardless its doubtful ill stay. John seems to have the most chance of winning out of these four as hes not overplaying. Kevin hasnt spoken to me since the colin vote and it pisses me off that I might be going home after being one of two people that worked on the challenge when kevin was taken off the chopping block immediately for playing jeopardy. i hate this tribe.

....five seconds later

Johns out, Jake too by the sound of it. Time for plan B, which never works but might as well try. Fake idol time.

Oof well the uhh, “obvious friend group” has picked their target and it just so happens to be the only person I’ve made an actual alliance with :/ Poor DeNara. I really didn’t want to have to vote her off this early if I didn’t have to and then the worst part is she didn’t even hear it from me. Nobody is even mentioning game right now and Rachael is acting legitimately surprised to me when I came to her saying “okay this is an easier vote than I thought”.. even tho Ben claimed he had already talked to her..?? Idk man I must’ve done something wrong along the way but these people LEGITIMATELY don’t talk to me. My instant reaction is leaning towards being bitter but bitterness doesn’t really get me anywhere :/ I feel kinda.. out of it rn emotionally just because of everything else I have going on so if I seem more reserved tonight at tribal than usual, that’s why. I just hope that I’m not still stuck on that damn mountain rolling my dumbass rock back up only to get knocked back down again. I’m remaining optimistic for the future.. let’s keep winning some challenges mmkay

Okay good news, I shouldn't be leaving. But that being said DeNara, you have goT TO PULL. YOURSELF. TOGETHER. She's packing her bags and from my knowledge she's going to be fine tonight. Hopefully it'll be Ben who's going but DeNara giving up like this isn't helPING.

....five seconds later

Also I am in two alliances which is cool I guess.

Oops....... and now I'm controlling this vote I think :) It feels good. I don't know what my plan is !! I'm lying to everyone. I basically put myself in a position to be the 4th person in both votes and I love it so much. I keep telling ppl I'm an emotional mess and I think I'll milk that because SOMEONE is going to get betrayed tonight... love that for me. Rachael, Nik, and Ben want to vote out DeNara Mo, Kailyn, and DeNara want to vote out Ben And tbh I would prefer Rachael or Nik!! Since neither of those things are happening I guess it's up to me to decide which way I wanna swing... I hate/love myself for this. I think there are good cases for both people to leave, because I think that getting rid of DeNara strengthens bonds I never had with Rachael and co. while getting rid of Ben just makes me their enemy. Honestly I am starting to lean towards getting rid of DeNara for that sole purpose alone. It'll be messy for sure. Ben provides NOTHING to the game right now and I hate the fact that he announced in his intro that he's just here to backstab people... but villains don't win unless they're sitting next to another villain. He's the goat to me and Rachael right now, but pretty homos like me always win xx I might regret this decision down the road but HOPEFULLY whichever side I take will pay me back in protection down the line. I think I have the charm to smooth shit over w Kailyn and Mo but its up for determination. I think that I have the finesse to beat Rachael in a vote, too, but I don't want to put her back up against the wall just yet..... ;) Anyways... I hope this isn't my last confessional. I wasn't having fun until I found my place. Let's get it on.

It is me or Ben tonight. Guess we will find out who...

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lmjaem · 5 years ago

Photo

jaemin has been going back and forth about the idea of having the track uploaded. sure, he's had his some of his tracks on his soundcloud. but this particular one was much more aggressive straight forward than the kind of songs he had there so far. all he wanted to say were tucked in this lyrics. but as the pointer hang over the upload button, he takes a deep breath, leaning back, and switching windows instead to listen to the song one more time. this is what his friends and a few followers have been waiting for these past few months now. he's been silent about his experience in the show, not an actual conversation with anyone but haechan. now, the world will hear it in its full uncensored glory.

as soon as he started writing the lyrics down, he felt the frustration brewing inside him. just like the day after the reality sinks in and he sits in the couch, re-watching the previous episodes and then keeping up with the new ones. his process is perhaps typical, he writes down without thought, just pour out everything onto the paper, let his hand grip onto the pencil as hard as he felt like it, sloppy hand writing, vague phrases, nerdy references, anything and everything goes down. that's the first stage. the words are what he usually focuses on first, because as outspoken as he is, there needs to be a certain way words are delivered or sentences are constructed otherwise they could be misunderstood.

BREAKING NEWS, THE KID FROM SEASON 5 TOOK HIS MICROPHONE OFF THE CAMERAS GOT TAKEN AWAY AND HIS CUSPIDS STARTED TO GROW (BACK), THIS IS UNLIKE HIS REIMAGINED TRACKS, HE'S A PRODIGY IN SLEEVING WHEN YOU PRESS PLAY, THIS TRACK WILL HIT THE AIRWAVES MUCH HARDER THAN VALVIDIA AND SPLASH BLOOD ACROSS THE FRONT ROW

honestly, he isn't worried about what people are going to say or what they'd think of him, that ship has never docked. if all that mattered to him at all, he wouldn't bother with this dream to become an idol. jaemin shifts in his seat, nodding his head as the beat goes on. he sits in the dark room, the screen being the only source of light, making his eyes hurt a bit after doing the backing tracks for the last four hours. he remembers recording this part a handful of times, thinking the feel wasn't right at all. hearing it now, passing up on sleep and some breaks in class is worth it. he held his breath when he let donghyuck first hear it, but he was sure his boyfriend is glad that he's ble to talk more about his feelings.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE AT THE TOP? Y'KNOW GRAVITY DOESN'T REST ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE WE SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER IN THIS PIT A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THIS IS A PETTY MOVE, TASTELESS AND RUDE BUT I'M HUMAN (RIGHT?) I NEED TO FEEL GOOD AND SAY WHAT I HAVE TO SAY THIS RUDE KID WILL THROW SOME PUNCHES BET IT WOULDN'T EVEN HURT (YOU) NONE OF YOU WILL PROBABLY COMMENT OR THE MEN IN SUITS WILL STEP IN MOLDED TO BE THICK-SKINNED WITH POLISHED SMILES AND GOOD MANNERS (BULLSHIT) BUT YOU LOST YOUR SHOT, BROKE THE DOME, WHY ARE SHIFTING LANES NOW?

it feels good. being able to articulate these feelings that he's had to keep inside of him for weeks. the track has been sitting in his laptop for weeks, finished but needed some polishing. in those weeks, he sat in silence and went on with his life thinking it would remain just another dark thought at the back of his mind. he wasn't one to engage in things that would not bring about anything beneficial. but when he thought about how it could help his mental state, give him a peace of mind. he thought maybe discourse doesn't always have to be a two-way thing, nor did it require a response.

A SHIT TON OF EMPTY PROMISES, ENCOURAGEMENTS ALL FOR THE SAKE OF COMPANY IMAGE BET YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME, STILL YOU'D SAY I HAVE STAR POTENTIAL BUT KEEP LISTENING, I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T FORGET ME OR THIS SONG YOU'D TAKE THE CD BUT NOT FOR MY DEMOS, BUT TO PUT MY FACE ON BILLBOARDS GET HIGH TIMESLOT RATING, MORE SOCIAL MEDIA HITS, MERCH ON DEMAND, WHO CARES IF I HAVE MEDIOCRE TALENT AS LONG AS I SOLD OUT THE SHOW, RIGHT?

if anything, jaemin felt cheated. he had been following the industry for pr!zem, knowing the hows and whats in order to support them like every fan would. he's one of the biggest fansites in the fandom. n jaemin should have known better. and yet he found himself hoping that things would be different, he thought maybe, just maybe this time it would be different. (who knew he still have that kind of faith for anyone or anything else but haech?) it was foolish of him, and that's why this track exists.

LET'S ALL DANCE TO A DIFFERENT TRACK NOW, I'M READY TO LISTEN TO YOU (NAH) JUST DON'T TAKE ME FOR A FOOL BUT THAT'S NOT HAPPENING, IS IT? SO LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR THIS TRACK EXISTS BECAUSE THE PLAYING FIELD WAS TIPPED ADVERTISED AS OPEN TO ALL, BUT THESE ARE THE SAME FACES DIDN'T REALIZE THAT I WAS LUCKY, FELT LIKE THE LOTTERY MORE THAN ANYTHING I ALWAYS THOUGHT STAYING UNIQUE AND TRUE TO THE MUSIC WAS ALL THAT MATTERS BUT I GUESS ALL THAT'S BABY TALK IF SOMEONE HAS BETTER CONNECTIONS

despite knowing this is something he'd probably do eventually, jaemin still felt good about finally hearing it like this. it's finished, ready, and perfectly encapsulates the emotions and ideas he wanted to deliver. it was just a matter of how deep people will go into his lyrics, it's as much as a diss track as a wake-up call of sorts. but something inside of him did change after the song. a setback isn't going to stop him from writing more. he stopped for a while and thought about quitting, but what would that do for him? he refuses to let them win. he hates the idea of that of all things.

BUT REALLY I WROTE THIS SONG TO SPEAK MY MIND, DO WHAT I COULDN'T ON STAGE BECAUSE SOME COMPANIES NEED RAW CONCEPTS FOR THEIR UPCOMING COMEBACKS HERE'S A HEARTFELT ADVISE TO THE CAPITALIST USING MUSIC AS A COVER UP, PAY PROPER WAGES, TREAT ARTISTS RIGHT, AND WEAVE SOME HUMANITY IN YOUR BUSINESS CHARITY WORK DOESN'T EQUATE TO COMPASSION, VACATIONS AREN'T A PRIZE, IT'S A RIGHT STOP PUSHING PEOPLE TO BRINK OF A BURNOUT, OR TO LIVE SECRET LIVES THAT'S HOW BUTTERFLY EFFECTS COME ABOUT, GROUP BREAK-UPS, AND DISS TRACKS, YOU'RE LISTENING TO ONE RIGHT NOW.

he was hoping by the time he reaches this part of the song, he'd have changed his mind and let the song stay in the folder. it's usually easy to just brush off his frustrations once he's talked about it or wrote about it. but there was still that desire to have it uploaded, for it to reach the audience and for absolutely everyone to hear. it goes beyond this particular song though, there was the urge upload his older demos, even the ones he wasn't very confident in. he can't let his anxieties hold him back, can't overthink things at this point. he's already put himself out there the minute he admitted this is what he wanted to do.

THIS WORLD IS FALLING UNDER THE MERCY OF GREED IF A CONVENIENT OPPORTUNITY COMES, THE FALLEN WOULD TAKE IT WHO CARES IF IT'S HYPOCRITICAL OR IRONIC, AN OPPORTUNITY IS AN OPPORTUNITY I GUESS IN A WAY I UNDERSTAND IT, BUT THAT's JUST HYPOCRITICAL I'M GONNA BEGIN THE OUTRO, EVERYTHING IS OUT IN THE OPEN AFTER ALL WHAT IS THE POINT OF TRYING TO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND AND SEE WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR EYES CLOSE AND HANDS OVER YOUR EARS? IF THERE'S ANYTHING I PICKED UP FROM ALL OF THIS IT'S TO CHANNEL EVERYTHING TO MY MUSIC AND KEEP CREATING MASTERPIECES THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF A MASTER PLAN THERE'S MORE I'M ABOUT TO DROP BUT I'M SAVING IT FOR MY NEXT TRACK NOW THAT'S HOW YOU DO A PROMOTION YOU TELL THE TRUTH (DON'T GET CAUGHT)

this is the part he's convinced that he's lost it, and he shakes his head and sighs as he hits upload. "open system it is." he mumbles as he gets on his feet, a small smile finally break on his face as he sees it finally up.

LYRICS / FLOW REFERENCE INSTRUMENTAL

#( HERE. IT. COMES #here it comes asdfadsaf )#jmn:sc #jmn:solo #arc: first verse

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douxreviews · 6 years ago

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Constantine - Series Review

I come not to praise Constantine, but to bury him.

Well, okay. A little of both.

In a fairly short amount of time from when this is posted, season four of DC's Legends of Tomorrow will premiere, featuring Matt Ryan as a regular cast member playing our favorite bisexual petty dabbler in the mystic arts; John Constantine. This makes it a great time to mention two things. First, if you weren't aware, Doux Reviews has a regular reviewer of Legends of Tomorrow who's both insightful and terribly sexy, so you should definitely check that out. Second, Constantine's one and only season as an independent property is ripe for a fresh look, now that we know we have more trenchcoated goodness coming our way.

So, let's take a look at Constantine's thirteen episode run, in light of what we've learned about the character since, shall we?

The series is now available on demand, so let's go episode by episode, while we count down to his next appearance.

'Non Est Asylum':

Re-watching this episode – and for the record, I re-watched it three times while trying to sort out how I felt about it – two things become very clear. Almost everything in the episode is brilliant, and they absolutely should have thrown away all but the last two minutes and started from scratch there, even if it meant only getting twelve episodes on air.

The issue, as most of you who care will remember, comes down to studio interference. 'Non Est Asylum' exists to establish two characters, John Constantine, and Liv. Liv is the daughter of a friend of John's who mysteriously died recently, has a mysterious magical cabin which is not at all like the TARDIS as owned by John Dee, will serve as the show's home set, and has all sorts of mysterious hints about why he abandoned his daughter and what his story was. All of this is clearly meant to set up Liv's character arc as 'female Neo who fights demons instead of robots'. That's her character brief, and it couldn't be clearer that it was meant to carry the season.

But at some point the studio clearly insisted that they cut Liv's character and replace her with a different type of female lead that they thought would fit the vibe of the show they wanted better. This isn't an inherently terrible thing and is totally within the studio's rights. The exact same thing happened with Big Bang Theory, and if you've ever watched the abandoned pilot of that show with Not-Penny, you know that it was a change for the better. But they absolutely needed to cut this episode loose as a result of that decision, because the scars of Liv's removal really, really show.

You can identify without effort the one single scene that was changed. In the original plan, John has Chas drive Liv past the place she scryed about earlier to see that something terrible had indeed happened there. Obviously this was meant to affirm her commitment to helping people despite her fear of the magical world. Instead, they inserted a scene to follow it wherein other characters discuss how she was so scared by the realization that she left the area, moved to the other side of the country, and would never be mentioned again. Good thing that she left the keys to her dad's cabin, so we still have a home base, huh? It's a sloppy edit that leaves the whole episode feeling wasted, and they absolutely should have scrapped the whole thing, starting the new pilot with John's encounter in the alleyway where he ignites his hands, because that's an amazingly strong image, segueing into the introduction of Zed drawing that same image, which should have, and would have, been a strong intro to her character if it didn't feel so much like a back pedal away from Liv.

It's all a shame, because like I said, the rest of the episode has a lot of wonderful stuff. The dialogue is absolutely cracking, specifically lines like, 'Where do you come from, John?' 'Oh, the sordid passions of my parents.' The effects are beyond first rate, specifically all the flashes to skulls and zombie/demon makeup, which is really tricky to not overdo and they stuck the landing every time here. And finally, the performances, even Liv's, are better than you should usually expect from a pilot. Anyone who thinks that Matt Ryan is just playing himself as John Constantine would do well to watch his portrayal of the electricity demon dressed up in John's body to taunt John. He's playing two entirely different characters arguing with one another, one of which is in what could easily have turned into Halloween makeup, and he completely crushes it.

Other thoughts about this episode; it was a mistake to rush that much information about Astra in right at the beginning of the series in what was already a pretty full episode. Ritchie was a fun character, but they really shouldn't have introduced both him and Chas in the same episode because that reads as a bit of a wasted opportunity for later. And speaking of Chas, now that we know that John is bisexual, do we suppose that he and Chas have had sex? Clearly, the answer at this point appears to be yes, but we'll keep checking in on that point as the season progresses.

'The Darkness Beneath':

Jesus Christ, yes. This. This is what the show should have been directly out of the gate. Just look at how much less we know about Zed than we did about Liv, and yet how much fuller and richer a character Zed is simply by virtue of the fact that we aren't being force fed studio notes back story about her for the entire episode. Ditto for John Constantine. This, apart from being set in the US instead of England, is exactly the sort of situation he'd have been mixed up in in the pages of Hellblazer, and the show was rarely stronger because of it. The absence of Harold Perrineau helps as well, since all he really accomplished in the pilot was to loom menacingly and say, 'I'll be important later.'

If they'd had the balls to completely throw out the pilot and start with John Constantine in the alley with his fists on fire segueing directly into this episode, we would currently be enjoying the premiere of season five of this show. I have absolutely no doubt about that.

'The Devil's Vinyl':

Satan cuts a demo. Reviews are mixed. I suspect that this is the version of the show that the network wanted to have; basically The X-Files with demons for aliens and a warlock/psychic combo for FBI agents. It's not terrible, as monster of the week episodes go, and it provides a good intro for Papa Midnite, but you can't help but feel like the show is rushing to introduce as much Hellblazer back catalog as they can to make up for the pilot episode misstep.

And Chas brought John orange juice because he was worried about his blood sugar. They didn't just have sex in the past, they're currently still at it. John even called him 'Daddy.' Can Chas show up on Legends? Because I am shipping them so hard right now.

'A Feast of Friends':

For thirty-eight minutes of screentime, we get a pretty standard demon of the week wrapped up in a not particularly subtle addiction metaphor. Good enough television, but nothing groundbreaking. But then John walks his old friend Gary into a theater, fully aware that he was leading him to his slaughter just because he couldn't think of another way to win, and we get our first real glimpse in this series of John Constantine: Hellblazer. The interesting thing about Constantine in the comics is that he is always a man who fully expects every single thing he encounters to be the shittiest possible version of itself, and is rarely disappointed. But contrary to how that sort of character is usually portrayed in fiction, that knowledge neither makes him bitter and cynical, nor longing for hope. It makes him pragmatic. And pragmatic is scary and interesting, because it's rarely seen as a virtue and never portrayed as aspirational. Except in Hellblazer.

I hate to keep focusing on sexuality, but it would be fascinating to know what Matt Ryan thought about John's sexuality while filming this series, because we keep encountering moments like John's kiss to Gary's forehead which display an extraordinary level of comfort with male on male physicality while at the same time not glamorizing it or making it feel exploitative. At the very least, I bet Matt Ryan is a hell of a kisser.

'Danse Vaudou':

Jim Corrigan! Dammit, I'd forgotten that they were setting up the Spectre and never got to pay it off. I know I've been saying this almost every story, but can Jim Corrigan please, please, please, show up on Legends?

This is the episode that almost broke me as far as re-watching Constantine goes. There's just so much rich potential and setup that we know is never paid off. The rising darkness that never happens, the live action realization of The Spectre that they were clearly building up to and would have been amazing, Papa Midnite who they had properly set up to be as compelling and layered a character as he had been in the comic books. It's just heartbreaking.

'Rage of Caliban':

A fairly standard Halloween filler episode, the likes of which The X-Files had been banking for most of the 90s. The title exists solely to allow me to make a poncy literary reference for the sole sake of validating my English degree, which I'm going to hold off on for the moment. But the scares are genuinely scary, the child actors aren't irritating, and the twists are pretty good.

Chas, meanwhile, has taken to arguing with Constantine like an old married couple while he's under the influence of the truth telling sword. But then he goes and raises questions by mentioning someone named Rene, so I guess the implication is that John is his rebound relationship? Yes?

'Blessed are the Damned':

Apparently there is a rule that all genre shows are required to do at least one show about snake handlers and one show about faith healing. Sensing that their run would be limited, Constantine does both at once. And, it's pretty much your standard genre show about snake handlers and faith healing, to be honest. Zed's sudden desire for faith stands out as a little out of character, but that's because it only happens for the sake of making us fall for the 'grab the feather' fakeout later on.

It is interesting to wonder what Manny thinks is going on in this episode, with the benefit of hindsight. Were he and Imogene working together? Did he pull out her feather? Or is it just a coincidence that two different angels are up to shady dealings simultaneously? Don't hold your breath for an answer on this one, I'm afraid.

'Saint of Last Resorts, Part 1':

This is the moment you can see the show figuring out what it wants to be. As an added bonus, as the scripting and themes are gelling, the cinematography is absolutely gorgeous and there are a couple of directorial flourishes that are just beautifully handled. The DP on this one was Scott Kevan. I will be looking up his CV later, because his work here is so much better than we usually get.

'Saint of Last Resorts, Part 2':

It's a little odd how completely the naming ties these two episodes into one coherent two-parter, because really they have very little to do with each other as far as plot goes beyond this one picking up where the last one left off. But then, this one picked up the previous episode's cliffhanger from before the holiday break, so that's not so unusual.

By the end of this episode, all the pieces are in place for what the show should have become. Zed's backstory is just roughed in enough to allow for a lot of future development. We've explored why John makes the choices he does through the time honored technique of taking a different character and watching them get forced into making those same choices so that we can better understand how John got there. And Chas continues to prove that he's John's one true soulmate. I've started referring to them as Chastantine, if anyone would like to join me in shipping them.

'Quid Pro Quo':

In which we meet a really fun potentially recurring villain, the pathetic, elderly, also-ran magician Felix Faust, who you just know they would have found a way to bring back repeatedly as a sort of Mudd/Quark hybrid. Plus we finally hear Chas' backstory, in which we find out how he basically became Captain Jack with a countdown clock, which is a great idea and could have been explored in a thousand interesting ways.

Okay, I've been a little puckish about Chas and John's relationship, but this seems like the right time to address the issue like a responsible adult. I think, based on what we've seen this season, that John and Chas have definitely been physically intimate at least once in the past, but purely on a friendship basis. I think that they currently have feelings for another that transcend what we currently think of as friendship but don't really qualify as romantic love. I'd say that they'd reached a pure form of the Greek concept of Philia, but I'd hate to be that pretentious. And I'll tell you why. Because John Constantine would never, ever, think to worry about whether someone was still all right to drive after a night out. But he does for Chas.

'A Whole World Out There'':

And we're back to what's essentially a Supernatural or X-Files monster of the week episode. That's not a terrible thing, intrinsically. As they go, this would have been one of the better Supernatural or X-Files episodes. Plus, Jeremy Davies is always worth watching. It just suffers a little bit from being sandwiched between the previous week's excellent study of character relationships and the knowledge that we're only going to get two more episodes after this.

The show can hardly be blamed for it, but our time with Constantine is rapidly running out, and we don't have time to waste treading water like this. Frustrating.

'Angels and Ministers of Grace':

The evil artifact of the week is a black diamond and not one person made a skiing joke. I find that disappointing.

It's really hard to square this episode with the following week's revelation about Manny. It feels like the whole point of this installment was to humanize Manny and bring him more into Team Constantine's fold, but we learn pretty conclusively in the following episode that that is not where Manny's storyline is going, so what exactly are we supposed to make of what happens here? And what was the long term plan for Zed's brain tumor, which is clearly sitting there in the final scene wearing a tiny t-shirt that says, 'I'm going to be a significant plotline later on', and then never gets the chance to be.

Honestly, as I near the end of re-watching these, the thing that's striking me the most is how much optimism the writing room is showing; diligently moving forward with planting the seeds for long term plans, carefully setting up mysteries inside backstories, all meticulously orchestrated to come into play later on. There's a strange and tragic nobility in the amount of faith they were showing in the show's prospects for a future.

'Waiting for the Man':

This was an amazing season finale. It gelled the developing Constantine/Zed/Jim Corrigan triangle, which we already know to be doomed. We get the foreshadowing of The Spectre, who clearly has very specific wounds that we're going to presumable see inflicted on Jim as he dies and is transformed into his supernatural identity. We get the new information about Manny that completely flips the table on everything we thought we knew about the season's storyline and just begs the viewer to re-watch the season while waiting for answers in season two. Plus we get a stand alone story whose style feels like it could be straight from the pages of Hellblazer; involving ghostly goings-on colliding with the most grotesque and debased aspects of humanity.

This is a heartbreaking series finale for all those same reasons. The showrunners' optimism about the program's future remains unbowed, and no concession is made to the possibility that they might not be renewed. Instead the storyline marchs boldly on, telling a solid standalone story while delicately weaving in the seeds of events to come. If you'll pardon the mixed metaphor.

The closest the show itself comes to acknowledging its situation vis-à-vis renewal is a speech of John's early on in the episode about human life, in which he basically says 'we're here as long as we're here, and then we're gone. It can't be changed, it can't be helped, and it can go screw itself double hard, because we're not going to let fear of that matter.' Which is basically the most John Constantine sentiment ever expressed.

So, now that the charms are all o'erthrown, if I might borrow an appropriate line, what do we make of it all?

This would have been an amazing show, is the closest I can get to a concise answer. It was doing everything right, it was proceeding in good faith and making no concessions to fear, and it got screwed out of continued existence by the most banal and crushing forces. So, in a way, the show Constantine is very much a reflection of Constantine the man.

For those who don't know, or don't remember, the answer to what happened is depressingly simple. The network needed to make final decisions about renewals and cancellations by a fixed date, and Constantine hadn't aired enough of its run by that point to get the amount of positive feedback it needed to survive. It might have made the cutoff if they hadn't tripped out of the gate with the replacement of Liv for Zed, making it feel like the show was already troubled to network executive eyes from the get go. The combination of that initial wobble and the show happening to air a lot of its episodes after the cancellation decision had been made finished it. There aren't really any bad guys in the story, just a confluence of terribly unfortunate factors that no one could change. This is also, in its way, the most Constantine thing ever.

It's ironic that Constantine, the television character, has lived the opposite experience of Constantine the comics character. In the funny books, John was a random factor that occasionally cropped up in other supernaturally flavored books, most usually Swamp Thing. We didn't know much about him, but every time he randomly popped up he got more popular until they eventually gave him his own series. On the television, they jumped right to his own series, and then after that wasn't renewed began using him to pop up in other character's shows as a mysterious magician who served as a random factor in their storylines. Maybe if they'd done it the other way around his own show would have flourished earlier, I don't know. What I do know, however, is that Matt Ryan is clearly beloved, both by fans and by the people making decisions on the TV shows, because a character from a cancelled show on another network just does not get a brought back and given a second chance at life on other shows. That absolutely, categorically, never happens. The closest possible other example is Richard Belzer, and both of his shows were at least on the same network.

So, I highly recommend going back and watching these 13 episodes, because they really are for the most part damn good television. And John would absolutely want a party, not a wake. As to the overarcing plot about the rising darkness, I managed to find peace with it by telling myself that the rising darkness referred to the demon Mallus, who John was eventually able to help defeat on Legends of Tomorrow, and so it all worked out. We still won't ever know what the hell Manny wanted out of the whole situation, but if you squint at it sideways it all hangs together.

Nine out of ten trenchcoats. It's only not ten because the first half of the season is clearly finding its feet, but even so it's fantastic. Now bring on season four of Legends, wherein Chas turns up and helps John summon the Spectre to rescue Zed from the Brujaria.

I can dream, can't I?

Oh, and 'Rage of Caliban' is a quote from Oscar Wilde's introduction to Picture of Dorian Gray. You're welcome.

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

#Constantine #John Constantine #HellBlazer #Legends of Tomorrow #Matt Ryan #DC Comics #Arrowverse #Doux Reviews #TV Reviews #something from the archive

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phosphorescent-naidheachd · 6 years ago

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GOT 8x01 liveblog below the cut:

--Love the new opening credits!

--Poor Missandei and Grey Worm look so uncomfortable rn

--Jon: “I had a choice: keep my crown or protect the North.” But that’s... not what we saw onscreen?? Not unless some variation of political!Jon is actually true. But knowing D&D, this may simply be their retconned explanation for the nonsensical writing last year. Well, that or Jon is trying to make his stupid decision look better in front of the lords.

--Sansa, I love you, but do you have to smirk when you raise your (very valid) concerns? It’s not helping anything and you have to know it.

--Yessss, mentions of the food shortage!! Now let’s see if they’ll actually do anything with it...

--Show!Dany, I’m still trying to like you, but you’re not exactly making it easy, what with the whole “whatever they like” reply to “What do dragons eat, anyway?”, and smirking when the dragons swooped in and scared the fuck out of everyone in the Winter Town. The Northerners haven’t given you the warmest of receptions and I understand your frustration over that fact, but that’s no reason to think their fear is funny.

--Ah, yes, the oh-so-subtle handholding in front of the entire hall. *sighs at Jon and Dany* [ETA: never mind, they aren’t actually holding hands... Dany is just resting one of her hands on Jon’s arm. Which isn’t all that much more subtle lol.]

--It’s 100% my shipper confirmation bias at work, but the way that they’ve blocked this scene really does make it feel like a Dany/Jon/Sansa love triangle to me. #sorrynotsorry That said, if TPTB choose to go a belligerent sexual tension route w/ Dany/Sansa I wouldn’t turn it down. ;-)

--They’re actually letting Arya show human emotion again? *tosses confetti in celebration*

--Bran and Jon reunion!! My Stark Feelings heart overfloweth.

--Sansa and Tyrion reunion! I like that they’re keeping that hint of tension between them over the way they parted.

--Tyrion: “Many underestimated you. Most of them are dead now.” Subtext: I have no intention of repeating their mistakes.

--Sansa: “I used to think you were the cleverest man alive.” Talk about a burn!

--OK, Bran is looking at Tyrion Significantly(TM) with music playing in the background almost ominously.

--Confirmation that Yara is alive!!! Also, she and Euron are a disturbing but kind of hilarious dynamic at the moment.

--The Arya and Jon reunion was A++. Sweet and heartfelt, but with a hint of underlying tension. And Arya’s comment that Sansa is the smartest person she knows just made my heart an even bigger pile of Stark Family mush.

--Oh, and the “Have you used it?” line re: Needle just hurts because it shows us and Arya how little Jon knows about what Arya has gone through and who she’s become. And Arya’s “once or twice” line just tore out my heart. She doesn’t want to tell Jon what she’s done, both because she’s afraid of how he’ll react and because that will finally make it real to her.

--I feel kind of terrible for Cersei. Yes, she’s made her own bed, but the fact that Euron Greyjoy is lying in it... *shudders* The fact that she’s still forced to resort to sleeping with a man she despises despite ostensibly being the most powerful woman in the realm is incredibly depressing.

--Ahhh, and now we have The Temptation of Bronn(TM)

--The rescue mission! Theon getting to shoot arrows!!

--Greyjoy sibling feelings!!!!

--And Theon is headed to Winterfell! ...He’s going to die there saving a Stark, isn’t he? *braces self for emotional pain*

-- ...you couldn’t have proposed this Jon/Dany marriage, oh, four or so episodes ago, Davos?? The mind still boggles that no one brought this very obvious diplomatic solution up on Dragonstone last season.

--Varys: “Nothing lasts.”

Camera: *pans to Jon & Dany*

Me: I n t e r e s t i n g

Also me: Is this foreshadowing, or a red herring to up the dramatic tension?

--Is that... something resembling a smile from Jon around Dany? And he actually looks like he might genuinely enjoy her presence and/or care about her? It’s a miracle! ...A miracle that we really could have used some of last season too, GOT!!

--“She doesn’t need to be my friend. But I am her queen. If she can’t respect me--” *nods* That’s more or less what I figured their initial dynamic would be like. And their attitudes make sense on both ends of the equation! (Note: I can’t decide whether that was a veiled threat from Dany or not; if so, though, she jumped to them pretty darn fast.) I’m curious to see where D&D go with this.

--Oh, only that many goats and sheep. *rolls eyes* I mean, I get it, the dragons are huge; they need a lot of fuel! But on the other hand, that’s an awful lot of food the people don’t get anymore... It’s a no-win situation.

--“They don’t like the North.” Huh, I wonder what it means that the literal breathing symbol of the Targs aren’t fans of being in the North. [/sarcasm]

--Look, I’m glad Dany feels comfortable enough around Jon to be playful, but... would it have been that difficult for her to give him one or two tips before he mounted this incredibly dangerous flying weapon of mass destruction??

--How are these waterfalls not completely frozen over?! It’s the North and it’s winter. I know, I know, I shouldn’t expect anything resembling realism from this show, but still...

--Ah, so Dany is the one who has the line about how they could “stay here a thousand years and no one would find us”, not Jon. But on the flip side, Jon has his eyes closed for the kiss, not open... at least, not until the dragons start to talk lol.

--Emilia Clarke has such a beautiful smile!

--Yeah, I’m still not feeling the J0n3rys ‘chemistry’. Oh well; you can’t win them all. At least they aren’t totally unbelievable as a couple this episode.

--Ugghhh, yet another joke about balls (or the lack thereof) in this episode.

--Arya and Gendry reunion? Arya and Sandor reunion? Yes!

--Wow, Arya/Gendry are so awkward together right now! Sweet, but awkward. And yeah, here come the shippy feelings again... I’m predictable that way lol.

--“As you wish, m’lady.” *squeals delightedly*

--“You don’t know any other rich girls.” The look on their faces!!

--Can I mention again how much I love that they’re letting Arya and Dany emote so far this episode? It makes a world of difference. Now all we need is for Bran to be allowed to show emotions...

--Ooohh, this must be the promised Jon/Sansa argument scene.

--Good. I’m glad that there are already some consequences from the lords for Jon having bent the knee... the decision would feel incredibly cheap otherwise.

--And already we have more emotion from Jon in this one scene than in all of his scenes with Dany combined. I’m not saying Jon/Sansa is where the show is going, but it still works much better for me than Jon/Dany does. YMMV, of course, and that’s as it should be.

--”Do you have any faith in me at all?” “You know I do.” <3 <3 <3

--*sighs* Jon, it’s all very well and good to say that Dany will be a good queen, but you could, I don’t know, give Sansa some examples to help her understand why you think that instead of just expecting her to go entirely on your word?

--Ah, this must be the scene with Sam and Dany!

--Oh, poor Sam. I’m so glad they’re letting him be upset about it, though. His dad may have been an abusive dick, but his brother wasn’t... and besides, emotions aren’t always that clear-cut.

--“Now’s the time.” OK, but why now? Why now? Also, is it just me or did Bran’s voice sound different there?

--Jon and Sam reunion!!!

--Ouch, poor Jon. This revelation was always going to hit him hard.

--Jon (in a whisper, looking horrified): “That’s treason.” Uh, Jon, that doesn’t seem like the normal reaction of someone in love with another person? Just saying.

--“You gave up the crown to save your people. Would she do the same?” Samwell Tarly, asking the important questions! This question has always been one of--if not the--cruxes of Dany’s arc, IMO. That and her search for home/belonging.

--Ooo, is this the rumored scene with the WW symbols on the walls?

--Hmmm, this actually looks a bit like that clip from the trailers. Is Edd going to show up soon then?

--Hah! Called it.

--“Stay back, he’s got blue eyes!” “I’ve always had blue eyes!” LMAOOO

--Called it. I knew little Ned Umber was going to be the first named character death of the season. (For the record, I have him slated as the first named character death in my AU S8 fic outline, even though the chapter in question hasn’t been written yet.) Also, wow-- talk about a creepy way to display him!

--Still, that’s odd that he’s just dead rather than a wight-- oh, never mind he is a wight after all!

--Hmm, who are you, tall and mysteriously hooded man? (I mean, realistically everyone onscreen in the North should have their hoods up right now when they’re outside, but this is TV.) Could you possibly be... Jaime Lannister?

--Hah! Called it again.

--They’re going to cut to the credits now that Bran & Jaime have locked eyes, aren’t they? Yep, they just cut to the credits.

Additional Thoughts:

--I wonder where Brienne is... we haven’t seen her this episode IIRC. [ETA: Never mind, she is there in the background in several scenes, she just doesn’t say anything.]

--I wish D&D had given Dany more space to react to the news about undead!Viserion. This should be a big deal for her. Also, why is no one freaking out about the Wall coming down?

--Honestly, the pacing and tone of this episode could have used a little polishing IMO.

--I’m delighted that the show is letting characters speak positively about Sansa and her skills, but I wish the writing wasn’t so very heavy-handed about it.

--Ooo, interesting trailer, though still nothing terribly surprising. I’m curious to see what they do next episode... but not nearly as curious as I am to see what happens in 8x03 and beyond. ;-)

Overall, I enjoyed this episode! So many callbacks to earlier seasons. I may have deeper thoughts on a rewatch.

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sole-cuore-amore-e-droga · 6 years ago

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Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Montenegro to Eurovision with 6 young souls

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(this is a pre-vamp review so take this whole thing as “something I wanted to publish but my schedule was withholding until it was specifically time for them to be reviewed”, therefore, this is a bit of a retrospective review. Will tackle on its revamp later!)

Montevizija, which finally has an official Twitter account (we all should forget the times some dude named Vasilije pretended to having made one), offered us another batch of 5 songs for another year, actually revealing all of them beforehand this time and not just the snippets! Joy to the world I guess.

You gotta love Montevizija for it being the most underrated ex-Yugoslavian national final btw. Granted, it only lasted for 2 editions as of now, and it will take years to grow bigger as a thing, but so far, for us the NFs that are ingrained to our brains more are Dora, EMA and Beovizija (and even Skopje Fest when THAT was used to pick an act and not just served as a festival like it originally was meant to be), therefore Montevizija seems more shunned. But what do you expect when the lineup of 5 for two years in a row is not exactly as stellar as hoped for? Well, there are gems here and there, but they haven’t really won on either years (or at least not on the 2nd year if you call Vanja’s song a gem too), and yet somehow they find someone who call them great. But for me this Montenegrin entry is not. :L

And who is up there to be colossally blamed for its existence? None other than this group of 6 refering to themselves as D mol (with “mol” decapitalized for whatever reason... they used to have hyphen separating the ‘D’ and ‘mol’, but now they scrapped it altogether, an anime death I’ll never forget). Worth noting that I, as a 19 year old, have this particularly ugly feeling I must get rid of, and that’s the one of “feeling old”, already at my age. And this is how I felt seeing that the band whose song I am not fond of today is made up by members that are of 16-17 to 21-ish years old!!! So my heart insists that I shouldn’t go too hard on these poor younglings, even if this is just me, currently tackling the brethren of my age. Prepare as I’ll go to shred their composition they’re going to Tel Aviv with, “Heaven”, to bits.

Although, what I call “shredding to bits” is merely just nitpicking the reasons the original version (keep bearing in mind that I haven’t heard the revamp yet) sucks imo, and idk, the new “Heaven” miiiiiiight just grow on me, but I heavily doubt about it because I never cared for it in the first place (youhouuu, they were my last in Montevizija ‘19 for a reason), and I’m rather looking forward for the new faves from the 8 songs I haven’t listened to yet rather than those that were already chosen. And even the Eurofans were not quite fond on the revamp, as some think the additional ethno sounds made it sound worse (and of course there are some that kinda like it or think of the song as their guilty pleasure). So why shouldn’t I? :O

Anyway, old “Heaven”. The first sounds on here to grace my ears on this song consist of one light piano note being tapped to an exact rhythm and a confused baby girl stuttering. And I’d’ve maybe enjoyed this more ironically at some point if it weren’t for the latter sound effect being re(ab)used later in the song!! Ugh I hate it. The lyrics are fine I guess... though isn’t it ironic the only English song in Montevizija’s lineup this year won?? It’s like the Montenegrin people were openly cringing when being the only ones to understand Vanja comparing his life to cat’s and mouse’s and calling his heart “the most expensive toy” in his song and then they were like “you know what? Let’s let the WHOLE Europe understand how terrible our lyrics are! ^_^” (no but for real, who still uses “I’m in heaven, falling straight into your heart” as a pick-up line? Did they travel through time from 1998 to 2019 or something???)

Speaking of the 90s, the whole song smells like a dated cliché of that period. You know, the kind of “the high school prom song from that 90s teen sitcom’s who you’re forced to watch when your elderly aunt is in the house with you and there’s nothing else on TV” dated. Dated even more than “Chain of Lights”. Seriously though! It includes the pathetic “wah wah” bassline, mid-tempo beats, the boy/girl-group harmonies... catch me puking sugar-coated cheese to this, no thanks. Oh and if you already read my “Zero Gravity” review (which you probably never even bothered to after seeing how much text would you have to read), I definitely mentioned that I’m not a fan of those “two verses-two choruses” songs, and especially those kind of ones that aren’t sounding like something suited for radio (e.g.: Poland 2018, “Light Me Up”)... this obviously sounds like something from the radio of the times the at-the-time senior highschoolers are currently over 30 or slightly over 40, and that should be 4 and a half minutes long. These verses could just not be more ridiculously dragged out for the choruses to prevail and get stuck in our brains... fucking welp [sic] me already.

Well, if there are any brownie points I could give this, it’s pleasant, it’s harmless if I don’t take into account the cheese vibes this emits, and all this bunch are made up by up-and-coming talented singers that clearly deserved a better song...

And the staging concept in their NF was cool tho (illustrating their power of D mol), and I applaud the couple chemistry I guess

Oh and this below is one of the most underappreciated memes this Euroseason:

*stares into your soul in Montenegrin*

So yeah. Oh and the Rizo(tto) guy who is self-aware of his hotness and the hotness of the much older Eurovision guys this year, but he’s not doing it for me so that I could be in heaven falling, so he’s getting a hard pass.

All in all - a nostalgia cash-in made to appease the housewives from Podgorica to Skopje, from Novi Sad to Štúrovo, and nothing quite else, sung by a cool bunch of people that if anything are deemed this year’s "great people with an unfortunately too dated song and a shitty draw” by me. I don’t know much of their personalities but I do believe that even if they like what they’re singing, they’d be much better off doing a better sounding throwback, at least. So that even the disappointed-by-”Heaven” Eurofans could at least call it “so dated but a BOP!”. And hey, I’m aware of those fans that will likely be pissed at me for not bopping along to this, but I said what I said about it and yet again, if revamp changes my mind, I will change my opinion, but right now I’d not prefer to. Grumpy Adio.

Approval factor: Hell with the no. I would like Vanja back instead. At least he made himself a somebody to be cared about even if the Eurofans didn’t quite adapt to his song in return.

Follow-up factor: somehow, both “Inje” and “Heaven” were/are seen by the masses as instant NQs, so it somehow doesn’t sound like Montenegro is following a great path so far. And after this year anything that audience favours and wins can be seen as a way better follow up after something meh coming after something wrose.

Qualification factor: For the n-th time, I’m yet to check the revamp out to state where this will actually go, but being put 2nd in the draw is a massive stab in the knee, as demonstrated by even the national finals this year (Electric Fields in Australia Decides, Aly Ryan in Unser Lied für Israel, Lisa Ajax in Melodifestivalen final... the only glaring exception is ZENA in Eurofest but is it me or these producers did this just so they could be all like “heeeey we put a winning song on 2nd just to show that a NF song can win from ANY draw! ANY DRAW!!!” lol nope), and from it only a few lucky souls have crawled out victorious (Nathan Trent for example, the draw might have pushed him down in the semi but he got up again!). D mol, for as young and developing in talent as they are, don’t seem to be such. You can be young and pitied for your personality, but you always can at the same time have a song that completely crushes your chances to do well and sweeps up the last shards of hope right in front of your eyes despite being an angel worthy of protection (Ari Ólafsson, anyone?). Unless the D molians work all their magic and the random ethnic vibes into their favour for some reason, but for now it ain’t gonna work.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

And even then, what was so interesting about Montevizija 2019?? Let’s see...

• First off, let’s address one meme of the beginning of 2019 that Facebook may or may have not used purposefully to upgrade their automatic “facial recognition” skills - the 10 years challenge. Our first one of this season is the sassy maneater who spent her ESC stint by trying to unlove a guy so hard that he just couldn’t oblige - Andrea Demirović. Her decade-later A-game happened to be this one song she sang in her mother-tongue: “Ja sam ti san” (I am your dream). Now, I wasn’t particularly into it - I enjoy some electro tracks out there (like hello, “Igranka” is one of my favourite Montenegrin entries, and 2013 entries overall as well) but this one just ended up being the right amount of cool AND overbearingly unsettling for me to not really fancy it. Kinda like “Red” by HyunA - I can only bop to this if I don’t care about the fact I actually hate it, oops. (Or maybe it is just because Andrea once again used a composition done by one of those “rent-a-NF-songwriter” people. Which is at least better than collabing Ralph Siegel who’s stopped being relevant ever since starting to work with San Marino, or even since the hilarious attempt of a peace song sung by the original common framework, six4One. But since Michael James Down has co-contributed to one of the better Montevizija songs last year, I will not allow myself to think it’s thanks to those kind of songwriters.) Nevertheless, the Eurofans actualy kind of loved this song, but sadly, Montenegrins and the international jury did quite not, and she didn’t land on to the superfinal 2 (as opposed to a superfinal 3 last year, to which she could have easily qualified if it still were a 3). Here’s her song to y’all anyways (and the performance too, which just needed to include some random monster dudes dancing around... why? Because Eurovision! ^^):

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• Speaking of Andrea, during the results part there was this one shot of hers where she was pictured just casually chilling on her phone, not giving a damn that she’s being underrated on the scoreboard. Not only she was badly rated, but this moment was such an universal #mood!

• In between the finally final results announcement (which I didn’t really know when exactly was it taking place because the winner wasn’t really said out loud before the event I will describe next was taking place??) there was this lottery going on of who would be the lucky two audience observers that’d win tickets to Tel Aviv... hilariously enough though, it somehow malfunctioned and there were some sort of errors regarding the announcement of the RIGHT winner <3 but the winners happened and I hope they’re getting to go to Tel Aviv at some point during the Eurovision events! Hope they don’t feel startled by the lack of taken seats this year.

• Unlike Eesti Laul, Montevizija this year took up the job of showcasing tweets of Eurofans, and somehow this fellow fella ended up seen by a handful of Montenegrins AND international viewers. Take a wild guess which of them know what a daddy Serhat is.

• And who could not forget the magic flying envelope for to announce the winner of the NF:

there must have been some Harry Potter magic in there :O

As for what touches the other songs, well there’s the last year’s fan fave Nina Petković with another song, but it’s no “Dišem”, so don’t even bother. Or bother, but imo it’s just okay-sounding, nothing that groundbreaking or pleasant enough to be competitive. The other few songs were also nice but I’d like not to make this longer as my other write-ups, to be fair. Sucked to be Mr. Kállay-Saunders who, as the international juror chosen for this national final, had to rank its songs... as that NF happened right on the same day his second A Dal 2019 performance was taking off. Not that the international jurors were supposed to be present in Montenegro on the day of this NF, anyways...

Anyway, despite all this goddamn criticism (that could’ve flown more smooth had my computer not restarted in the middle of me doing paragraphs for this review), I’m fare welling the D mol-ians and would like to wish them a heavenly Eurovision experience. ^_^

#eurovision 2019 #tel aviv 2019 reviews #montenegro 2019 #d mol #heaven #montenegro

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