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oriigirii · 4 years ago

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Streamer MC headcannons with the brothers 💞

"You were quite a known face on social media back in the human realm, playing games, doing unboxings, just vibin in general, fans around the globe looked forward to your streams a lot! However, considering the sudden (unannounced) invitation to the exchange program, you had to leave all of that behind out of the blue. It wasn't as bad at first, but you have to admit you do miss the feeling of being able to do goofy shit online. Luckily for you, with the advance technology of Devildom and some spicy magic, the internet had synced with the human realm, and thats when you decided to finally re-enter the streaming scene. How will the brothers react upon seeing your peculiar past time?"

Head empty, No thoughts aside from the brothers just bothering the MC while they stream so here you go haha

Warnings: None, just crackhead energy and a lotta mispellings

Gender: Neutral!

Hotel: Trivago

* [ ಠ╭╮ಠ ] Lucifer *

{How did he know about your career?}

I honestly don't see him as someone who goes on the internet a lot

(He screams boomer to me, change my mind)

He doesn't have the time either, he's too focused on work!

So him finding out is gonna take a while

But! He did find out the hard way when shrilled screaming was heard from your room when he was passing by with some paper stacks in his arms (courtesy of Diavolo)

This man felt his instincts kick in, he ran as fast as he could, papers forgotten, and he immediately slammed your door open. Splinters scattering around, your door definitely damaged, as his eyes held a glare and his demon form was out, wings spread in a threatening display.

He was ready to beat someone's ass as he had thought someone had hurt you in here.

But all hes met with is you, infront of your chair and PC, and a game over on the screen...

To say he was unamused was an understatement cause you just lost your internet priviliges for giving him a heart attack (He said it was because you were being rowdy and noisy but with what you saw you knew that wasn't the case)

Good luck tryna puppy-eye your way to his heart to let you continue streaming lol.

If by some miracle you managed to wriggle your rights back from his hands, he'd warn you not to be so loud next time.

You already learnt your lesson though~ (Hopefully)

{How does he feel about your streams?}

Not everyone's the same, so if you were the shy soft streamer who does more art streams or something akin to a podcast, you can bet that Lucifer will be putting you on while he works, he kinda knows your streaming schedule at this point and if you were running late, he'd force one of his brothers to take over your dish washing duties or any chores you were stuck with

If you were the loud obnoxious meme type, hed still try to watch out of curiosity, and as much as he appreciates that you were getting comfortable here in Devildom with how you laugh and joke around, he still can't approve of it. Its too loud, its much like his brothers energy and he has enough of that already, so he probably doesn't watch as much.

He has countlessly came to your room to shush you and at this point your fans had made a compilation of each time Lucifer had barged in to tell you off

Look he likes it when you scream, but not when hes in the middle of work okay--

At this point, chat has deemed Lucifer as dad and you as their mom/dad.

If he ever catches wind of this he'd definitely be teasing you in private for centuries to come.

Overall fine with it, as long as don't do something stupid on stream.

* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Mammon*

{How did he know about your career?}

I would say he found out by him crashing into your streams midway but that's too predictable, hence why you've Mammon-proofed your bedroom during streaming hours!

Thanks to our wizard daddy, you have managed to cast a simple lock spell on your door and as well as a sound proofing

You love your broke idiot, but you did wanna keep the tone of your stream today a bit more chill, you wanted to have a proper Q&A with your fans to hopefully clear any bad vibes around your 3 month disappearance.

When Mammon has learnt your door was locked he definitely was a bit pissy, he knocked on your door loudly even and was calling out for you to let him in, but to no avail.

Bro he's scared.

He usually was allowed to enter, and you usually answered if you did need to be left alone for a bit, so just leaving him hanging got his mind racing and he had to press up his ear on the wooden door to try and hear if you were okay

When this continues on he finally resorts to getting help, but the only one in the house ws Levi, so he kicks down HIS door.

Levi boutta summon Lotan for interrupting him honestly

But as Mammon exclaim you weren't answering and he worried for your wellbeing, Levi rolls his eyes and scoffs,

"Idiot Mammon, they're streaming don't bother them…"

Streaming? why didn't you tell him???

Rude much.

He did huff and now was forcing his way to use Levi's PC for a moment

Can Levi stop him?

Nah.

He was busy on his console, and if he stood up now hed be breaking his world record so he was at a terrible state so he just resorts to threats of him drowning the Avatar of Greed if he does anything stupid on his PC.

He immediately logs in to your streaming platform and he watches for a bit,

You were more dolled up now just to look decent on stream, and he felt this jealousy rise as you interact with your chat, especially to those saying I love you's and stuff, and you even said it back? the audacity! You were his werent you? Were you replacing him with these nobodies?

He huffs as he realized that those who paid got their message highlighted, and thus, he starts donating. (Mind you this was Levi's account...)

"Mcccccc Open the dooorrr"

"Ill behave i promiseeeee"

"Cmon pleaseeee?"

Chat is c o n f u s i o n

NGL, they thought Mammon was a creepy stalker and red flags were being waved everywhere

but as chat was pondering who the hell he was, you can only sigh and look at the camera with that unamused expression, but ugh! you just KNOW hes doing that kicked puppy expression of his, and maybe it really wont be so bad

So you snap your fingers and say, "Okay MonMon, its open, Im giving you 3 seconds"

Mammon wasnt deemed to be the fastest out of his brothers for nothing

As soon as you got to '2', you were already tackled by the white haired male and chat went wild.

Now that you've shown your life in Devildom, maybe its time to introduce chat to your boyfriend no?

{How does he feel about your streams?}

You get paid to sit infront of a camera, do I have to say anything else?

But really though, as much as he enjoys the thought of getting so much cash from something so simple, he prefers the joy of being able to proudly exclaim that he was your first man!

ohhhh he thrives on the salt of your overly attached stans

but for those who fully support you, he always feels so mushy and shy when they say the ship you guys so hard

The fanarts has him WEAK (he may or may not have saved a few)

You usually do streams alone, but now you've allowed the door to be left open to let Mammon join whenever

Chat pogs when he enters with so much confidence, only for it to crumble when you kiss his cheek on stream.

Overall finds it fun to spend time with you, but just dont play scary games cause Lucifer might hang him upside down on stream.

* ▘▂▝ Leviathan*

{How did he know about your career?}

He is honestly the most attached to his D.D.D and he catches wind of almost anything going down in the internet, so your 'revival' being hyped up was something he definitely saw and he was just s wo o o ned

His Henry 2.0? a famous streamer?

Were you truly a blessing gifted upon him or was he dreaming?

He definitely didn't bring it up at first as he didn't wanna make it a big deal, but you notice hes been more in his head lately, and you have tried asking him what it was but to no avail.

You have to corner this little snake if you want answers and he eventually admits that he knew of your persona online and was incredibly shy to ask you to stream with him

He's a streamer himself afterall but maybe he doesnt stream as much as you do nor does he have as large of a following, so his intrusive thoughts attacked him and made him think that maybe since he wasnt as famous he didnt deserve to be in the same stream as you

Please tell him to join you and gib him kiss U3U

He'll absolutely m e l t

But now, as you make the announcement to your viewers and Levi to his, the internet explodes as a special collab stream was hapening between the expert gamer and avatar of envy of Devildom along with the beloved exchange student and streamer of the human realm

Your usual viewers reach between 10-15k, but as you start stream, that number boosts higher and beyond

Before streaming though, Levi was incredibly nervous, he'd picked the games for you to play that he knew you would enjoy with him, but his mind kept racing about whatthe fans thought, he didnt wanna disappoint them

But you had to remind him that whatever they say will not matter in the end as this was merely for fun, this was YOUR stream and you guys were gonna do what you want and nobody can have a say on it. (Maybe except Lucifer)

You usually talk for him with your bubbly personality, and to calm his nerves, he hs your pinky wraped around his where the camera can't see it.

Regardless, his thoughts subsided as you two delve into your stream that lasted a solid 7 hours, you definitely promised your chat that you and Levi will be doing more streams together from now on.

Once the cameras cut and yall are left alone, Both of you collapse on bed, and despite you being asleep already, Levi was just far too giddy as everything dwells on him.

Having a player 2 by his side now had never felt so intoxicating and he as just so lucky to have you.

{How does he feel about your streams?}

He obviously adores it, although some streams he wouldnt join just so he can play games on his own

He's still an introvert afterall, he needs his alone time

But he prefers that alone time with you, his Henry.

So when youre about to go stream, he kinda becomes a bit pouty, but with a simple promise of kisses (and maybe even more if youd like) he would let you go, but his attention would disappear from his game altogether.

He might just end up watching you instead

May or may not, at some point, just chat you and ask if its too late to join you

You do allow him to join you and play from the comforts of his room as both of you can simply play via internet, you give him the comfort to not turn on his mic or webcam either and you have no idea how he appreciates that.

Will definitely fight someone online when they start claiming you as theirs (-cough- stans) Please make sure it doesnt escalate to him summoning Lotan

Although the comments would often get to him, and as much as he can fight them online, he still does find himself pondering if they were true, so you need to give him a lotta lovin and reminder that he is your player 1 and no one else can ever fill that place.

------

Wow 3 brothers this time, what an improvement, anyways hope yall enjoy! I think its pretty clear who I simp for depending o nthe length of each lol, but do let me know if you guys want a part 2 for the rest of the brothers, or even the undateables!

#Obey me #obey me fanfics #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #obey me Mammon x reader #obey me Lucifer x reader #Obey me Leviathan x reader #obey me headcannons #obey me shall we date

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hobidreams · 4 years ago

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Heyyy, sooo when I heard that BTS didn't win, I was so sad ; especially because we know the Grammys are using them for the money and to have people watch their show. Anyway, as I'm not American and I didn't really know how the Grammys worked, I searched on the Internet and I was kinda scared to find things that would confirm the accusations of racism/xenophobia about BTS losing the award. However, I feel like, from what I read, it doesn't seem like it ?? Like I can't tell for sure right but I wanted to know what u think about it cuz here's what I found (sorry if you already knew how it works) : there's the Recording Academy's voting members : songwriters, producers ect, who are in charge of voting for 2 things. First, the artists who get nominated and then the ones who win. Sooo my conclusion is that, they wouldn't have voted for them in the first place to get them nominated if it was really xenophobic, right ?

It kinda ease my mind to think that it's very much possible that it's just a matter of "Who they thought deserved it the most".

Just wanted to share this, sorry to bother and I wish u all the best with your writing ! ❤

Lots of love ❤

hi babe. i can tell youre coming from a good place. i don’t wanna burst your bubble & i’m usually all for looking on the bright side of things but in this case... im sorry but there definitely IS a selection bias.

the way i see it is that nominations are really just that. they’re not awards. if you ask me, the Recording Academy had a tremendous amount of pressure on them to do something for BTS. they’ve seen the power that BTS holds for getting viewers. they wanted to use that for their advantage. this is proven by the way they put BTS last because they KNEW their viewership would drop the second the boys finished performing. just look at how the viewercount of the youtube pre-show stream went from 1 mil -> 500k, literally HALVED, after the Pop Duo/Group award was announced. the Grammys have been losing viewership year after year, so they needed BTS’ starpower. yes the voting committee might be made of many people, but that doesnt mean a group of people cant be biased as they vote (see any political election ever). honestly the grammys are less actual awards & more like a huge marketing ploy lol. by nominating them, they had another excuse to put the boys in more marketing material. what im saying is they most definitely would have nominated BTS without ever having the intention of giving them the grammy. these two things are not correlated.

also, the thing is, you need to keep in mind that racist and xenophobic actions have been going on LONG before BTS were ever on the scene. i’ve seen too many people focus on BTS’ loss to the point that they seem to not even recognize that this is nothing new. even if the boys DID win, the grammys would STILL be xenophobic & racist. black artists in particular have been snubbed time and time again by the Grammys. what other reason could there be for not nominating The Weeknd for ANYTHING this year even though his song has been such a favorite on the charts all year? in 2019, after winning his grammy, Tyler the Creator spoke out about how they keep forcing black artists into the rap/urban categories even when they are clearly making pop. he explains it well here. it's like a consolation prize while they save the big awards for the white people. if you're not from America or another largely-white country, then you might not know that this is a typical attitude towards POC: uplift or hire or nominate one person to say "hey we're diverse!" while not actually making any real efforts to be inclusive.

also do notice that most of the POC artists that won awards did so on the non-televised portion of the night, and they were forced to endure the absolute garbage that was Bill Burr, butchering their names & joking about it. so im sorry. i cant agree with you even though i wish these award shows were so much better than they are too 😔 (thanks for the love & for asking my thoughts on the matter! 💗)

#rain reply #dreamers

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recollins · 5 years ago

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hi! can you do one of reid and he has a secret girlfriend/fiance/wife (idk your choice haha) that the team doesnt know about then something happens to spencer (hospital maybe) or the team meets her by chance and everyone is surprised and start piecing together why reid declined to go out all those times and stuff? you have free reign over this drabble I know it'll turn out great anyways! thanks!!

Of course! This is so cute! Sorry, I know this took a hot minute, but I apparently don’t have the ability to write short drabbles (and of course my internet went out for like an hour when I was ready to post 🙄). I hope you don’t mind it went a little long, hopefully you enjoy this!

Pairing: Spencer x Female Reader Words: 3,531 Content: Fluff Warnings: Knife injury, stitches Masterlist

The tentative hand tugging on your pencil skirt was right on time. With a smile, you sat the stack of book returns on the shelf and turned to smile at your favorite visitor. As soon as she saw she had your attention, June held up the most recent book you’d recommended to her, beaming as she said excitedly,

“Zero found his mom! I was happy he was gonna live with Stanley but now he has his her too!”

“See? And you were worried it wasn’t gonna be a happy ending,” you teased the enthusiastic seven-year-old as you crouched down to her level. “Did you like it?”

June nodded enthusiastically, her blonde curls bouncing wildly with the movement. “I loved it! I would’a been so scared with all those lizards though! I don’t know how Zero and Stanley were so brave!”

“It’s not easy to be brave, but doing the right thing can show you that you’re a lot stronger than you might believe,” you told her, and to your surprise you saw uncertainty clouding her soft blue eyes.

“Miss (Y/N), do you think I could be brave?”

You nodded and reached up giving her chin a gentle squeeze before you stood. “You already are. I mean, you walk here from school every day by yourself. That’s pretty brave, if you ask me.”

To your surprise, June dropped her eyes and gave her small shoulders a dismissive shrug. “I’m not as brave as my big brother. He can climb all the way to the top of our tree and I’m too scared to even go past the first branch.”

As you did every Wednesday, you rested a hand on June’s shoulder and led her with you over to the children’s section of the library. Instead of instantly taking her to seek out a new book for the week, you led her to the reading nook and nudged her towards one of the chairs as you sat across from her.

“You remember Dr. Reid, don’t you?” you prompted, and June’s smile flickered back to her face as she gave an eager nod. How could she not? Spencer had come by the Story Circle – a kids book club you hosted every Saturday – and had eagerly joined in on your discussion of that month’s book, The Hobbit.

Though not [as] gifted as Spencer Reid (honestly, you didn’t think anyone else really was), June was an incredibly smart little girl and read well over her normal age group. It turned out that The Hobbit was one of her favorite books, and she and Spencer had spent hours talking about it after the club had ended.

“Well, he’s an FBI agent. Remember?” June nodded again. “Do you think he’s brave?”

“He is,” she confirmed instantly, and a smile came to your face. “He’s probably the bravest person ever!”

“I think so too,” you admitted, grinning back at her. But you think your brother’s pretty brave too, huh?”

June nodded, a little slower this time, trying to figure out the point you were about to make. “But he’s not an FBI agent like Dr. Reid.”

“He’s not. But he can still be brave, because there are different kinds of braveness in the world. Dr. Reid goes out and finds bad guys, and your brother can climb trees and not get scared.” June’s brow furrowed as you added pointedly, “and you walk all the way to the library by yourself. Everyone’s brave in their own way, but Dr. Reid’s bravery isn’t any different from yours. They’re all just as important, and all just as impressive.”

June’s smile took up her whole face, and to your surprise she hopped off her chair and rushed over to hug you tight. You laughed and hugged her back as she said, “thank you Miss (Y/N). you know what?” You pulled back and raised a brow at her in question. “You’re just like Gandalf. You’re wise and you always say things that make other people feel better. Like he does with Bilbo!”

You laughed with her as you got to your feet, taking her hand to lead her towards the shelves you wanted. “So then does that make you Bilbo?”

“Uh-huh. And Dr. Reid is Thorin, ‘cause he’s really smart and clever, but he’s really nice too. And he’s a leader. And he’s probably brave enough to fight Smaug.”

“I bet you’re right,” you agreed, already looking forward to telling Spencer all about this tonight. He loves little kids, and knowing June thought about him so highly would definitely make his day. “You know, speaking of bravery and dragons… I think I know a good book for you this week.”

You paused at the end of one of the aisles and knelt down – June following your movement – and you tugged out a book you’d been waiting to recommend to her. She took your offering and studied the cover as she read out,

“The Two Princesses of Bamarre?”

“Yep. Do you remember reading Ella Enchanted last month?” June nodded slowly. “This was written by the same author. It’s about a little sister who has to be really brave and go on an adventure to save her big sister. There’s dragons, ogres, and fairies in this one.”

June’s eyes widened with every word, and as you both stood she peeked up at you. “And true love?”

That was what the two of you shared – you were both hopeless romantics.

“Would I give you a fairytale story without that?” June giggled and shook her head. You nudged her gently back towards the reading nook, knowing her mom wouldn’t be by to pick her up for another hour at least. “I’ve got to finish putting the books away, so you get started on that and see if you like it, alright?”

“Thanks Miss (Y/N)!” she said eagerly, already cracking the book open on her way. You just grinned and shook your head as you headed back to the books you’d left on the shelf. The front desk phone ringing hadn’t even caught your attention, and you were just grabbing the books again when the other librarian Amy came bustling over to you, handset held out.

“It’s Stafford Hospital asking for you,” she whispered, and instantly your stomach flipped. Why was a hospital several cities over be calling for you? Warily you took the handset and said,

“This is (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N).”

“Miss (Y/L/N), this is Nurse Lesser from Stafford Hospital. We’re calling you because you’re listed as the emergency medical contact for Spencer Reid.”

You nearly dropped the phone, sucking in a sharp breath as your heart skittered to a stop. “Oh my god, is he okay?”

“I’m sorry ma’am, I’m not able to go into specifics right now, but if you’d be able to come down and speak with –“

“Yes, yes, I’m on my way,” you said quickly, already racing for the front desk. As soon as the call ended you practically threw the handset back to Amy as you grabbed your purse. “I’ve got to go, I’m so sorry. I’ll see you later!”

Amy didn’t even get a chance to respond before you were booking it to your car.

The normally fifteen minute drive to the hospital took you less than ten; you’d be sure not to ever mention how many traffic laws you’d broken to get there so fast. Not that you really cared about that, though. Your mind was in overdrive, heart stuttering painfully against your ribs, lungs refusing to let you get a full breath. All you could hear was emergency medical contact for Spencer Reid.

Heels and all, you practically sprinted through the ER parking lot, desperate to find out what had happened. You and Spencer had been dating for just about five months now, and though he’d listed you as his contact as soon as you’d made things official, this was the first call you’d ever gotten for it. You knew dating an FBI agent came with risks like this, but you really hadn’t been prepared for the instant panic and fear that came with knowing Spencer had been hurt.

Once inside, though, you had no idea where to go or what to do. Maybe you should’ve thought to ask that during the call, but you’d flown into panic hyperdrive and had been on a one-track-mind purpose of getting to your boyfriend as fast as possible.

You paused in the lobby for several moments, looking around desperately until you spotted someone that looked like a nurse.

“Excuse me!” you called, racing after him. The young man paused and looked back at you as you asked quickly, “I-I got a call. I’m an emergency contact for a patient –“

“Which patient, ma’am?” he asked, glancing down at a clipboard in his hand.

“Dr. Spencer Reid. He’s with the FBI, I don’t know – they wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong –“

“I’m sorry ma’am, he’s not one of my patients. If you want to wait in the lobby –“

“You don’t understand. I need to know – can you just please find out where he is? Spencer Reid. R-E-I-D. They just called me –“

“I’m sorry, did you say Spencer Reid?” a woman asked from behind you. As soon as you were distracted the nurse practically bolted from your side, but you were too busy studying the group of people behind you.

The woman who had spoken – a petite, beautiful blonde – was coming up to you, confused concern on her face. You recognized her instantly from Spencer’s description of his team, and for a moment you worried he’d be upset. He hadn’t wanted you to meet his coworkers just yet – and certainly not like this – but right now that didn’t matter.

“You must be JJ,” you started, not missing the blink of alarm she gave you as she nodded slowly.

“Yeah… I am. I’m sorry, who are you?”

Oh, right. That had probably been a lot creepier than you’d meant.

“No, I’m sorry. That was super weird of me. I’m (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N), Spencer’s girlfriend. He’s told me all about you guys.”

JJ and the others behind her all made noises of surprise. One of the men you recognized as Derek Morgan actually choked on his coffee as he spluttered, “I’m sorry, you’re what now?!”

Heat flooded your cheeks when you realized everyone was staring at you like you’d just sprouted a second head. Nervously you brought your hands together in front of you, fingers twisting together as you repeated a little quieter, “um, I’m Spencer’s girlfriend?”

“Spencer has a –“ a beautiful dark-haired woman scoffed, mouth hanging open as she tried to think of a way to finish that sentence. She must be Emily. “I had no idea Spencer had a girlfriend.”

“Surprise?” you offered, almost instantly cringing at how stupid that was. Thankfully, one of the older men seated behind the others gave an amused snort. Derek, Emily, and JJ all turned to stare at him as Emily asked incredulously,

“What, did you know about this, Rossi?”

“Of course not,” the man – apparently David Rossi – scoffed as he nodded at you. “But unlike you all it doesn’t surprise me that our resident genius would be dating a beautiful librarian. It doesn’t get any more Spencer Reid than that.”

Your cheeks were burning now as the others made noises of agreement. The last man to speak stepped forward and held out his hand to you.

“As I assume you already know, I’m Aaron Hotchner.”

“Spencer’s unit chief,” you confirmed, shaking his hand. “Though I never pictured it like this, it’s really great to meet you all finally.”

“It’s great to know you exist,” Derek quipped; Emily smacked his arm.

“You don’t know why Spence is here?” JJ prompted, and the surprise of meeting your boyfriend’s team flickered out the moment you remembered why you were here. At the look you gave her she said quickly, “don’t worry, he’s fine. He was cut by an UnSub we were chasing and he needed some stitches. We’re just waiting for the doctor to give us the clear to see him.”

Rossi patted the chair beside him and invited, “you’re more than welcome to sit with us, if we haven’t scared you off.”

“Of course not,” you smiled, taking him up on his offer and settling beside him. The others gathered a little closer, clearly ready to learn more about you. Derek wasted no time on jumping into the questions.

“So (Y/N), how long have you and Reid been dating?”

“Five months on the 18th,” you told him with a smile. His eyes widened in surprise and he made a noise of absolute shock.

“You’ve been datin’ for almost half a year and we didn’t know you existed?!”

“Um, surprise again?” you offered, getting a snort out of JJ this time. “I’m sorry. Spencer said he was waiting for the right time. He wanted to give us time to get comfortable with our relationship and make sure things were serious, and then things have just kept coming up. He definitely didn’t want to spring it on you like… well, exactly like it just happened…”

“He was going to tell us at the Halloween party, wasn’t he?” Emily asked you, and at the bewildered head nod you gave her she explained, “he was insistent we would all be there, and when we had to fly out on a case he was really upset. I thought it was just because he has an unnatural love for Halloween, but…”

“Wait,” JJ cut in, snapping her fingers. “When we invited him to lunch last week and he’d said he had to return a library book…”

The team around you ahh’d as they all chuckled. You looked around, still not getting their amusement, but thankfully Rossi caught on to your uncertainty.

“Reid’s been acting dodgy with us lately, and we’ve all been trying to pinpoint it. I can honestly tell you it’s a relief to know he’s in a relationship, not the mob.”

“You’re the only one that thought that,” Emily started, and from behind her, Aaron cleared his throat.

“No he wasn’t.”

The others turned to give him incredulous looks as JJ asked him, “you actually thought Spencer Reid was in the mob?”

“Hey, you and JJ thought he was in a fight club!” Rossi defended, and this time you had to snort.

“A fight club?” you laughed; Emily just offered a shrug as JJ said,

“He had bruises on his – oh.”

Ah, there was the burning in your cheeks again. The others laughed as Derek rubbed his hands together, looking around.

“Guess this means you all owe me your bets.” At the noise of protest around him, he said quickly, “I was the closest! I said he was crushin’ on someone!”

“You guys had money on his caginess?” you asked them with a bemused laugh. JJ, Rossi, and Hotch gave you apologetic smiles as Emily argued,

“That doesn’t count. Garcia wins, she said he had a secret girlfriend.”

“That’s not even fair,” Derek grumbled, shaking his head and crossing his arms irritably. “How is it the only one of us that was right is the one who isn’t even a profiler?”

Before they could go any further a voice called out, “I’m looking for Spencer Reid’s emergency contact, Miss (Y/L/N)?”

Instantly you scrambled out of your seat, rushing past the others to the Doctor peering down at you.

“Yes, that’s me. Is Spencer okay?”

“Yes ma’am. I’m happy to report he’s just fine,” he assured, and the group around you all made noises of relief. “He needed a decent amount of stitches but the blood loss was minimal and luckily there won’t be any long term damage. He’s ready for visitors, if you’d like me to take you back.”

Though you wanted to see him you didn’t feel right stepping in front of his team. They were his family and he’d known them all much longer than he’d known you. But when you looked back at them, JJ and Emily ushered you to go first.

“Go warn him that we’ve met, because as soon as we see him, he ain’t livin’ this down,” Derek assured you, giving a playful grin. With a laugh, you just gave a nod and followed the Doctor back into the patient rooms.

Spencer looked up at the sound of your heels, a huge smile spreading over his face. Though you instantly smiled back, you made a noise of distress seeing his bandaged arm. Rushing to his side, you gingerly took his arm and held it up, running your fingers lightly over the wrappings.

“Baby, are you okay?” you asked softly, looking up at him in concern. Spencer smiled and reached out, cupping your face with his free hand and brushing his thumb over your cheek in comfort.

“I’m just fine. I’m so sorry, I wanted to call and let you know what’d happened, but I left my phone in the SUV. I know the call from the hospital had to have taken you by surprise.”

“You know…” you started, giving him a smile as you leaned into his touch. “Not as much as finding your team in the waiting room did.”

He actually gasped, his mouth dropping into a shocked ‘O’ as he stared at you in mild horror. “Oh no. I – I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t even think about that. I didn’t mean to throw you to them like that –“

“Spencer it’s okay,” you laughed. “It wasn’t what we’d talked about but I liked meeting them. Although apparently they were making bets about why you kept ducking out of things with them.”

He frowned, an adorable pout coming over his face. “They do that a lot. And they give [me] a hard time for being from Vegas…”

With a laugh, you finally let go of his arm and reached up, cupping his face with both your hands and pulling him down into a kiss. He hummed against your lips, the hand on your cheek sliding into your hair to hold you to him. Your lips moved against one another softly, tongues brushing briefly before you broke apart to keep from going farther.

“I’m really glad you’re okay,” you said softly, letting your fingers slide over his face to sweep his hair back behind his ears. “Did you catch the guy that did this?”

He nodded, a hint of pride in his soft brown eyes as he gave you a smile. “I did, actually. We managed to stop him before he killed a teen, and even did it without him taking his own life. He cut into me instead of his neck. It was close.”

You knew how bad that must’ve shaken him. Spencer had told you his hardest cases were the ones he had to watch someone take their life, almost more so than the cases with kids. To hear he’d been the hero warmed you to your core, and you knew exactly what would make him even happier.

“It’s funny, I was just telling June about how brave Dr. Reid was, and you go and prove me right.”

As expected, Spencer’s face lit up with a smile at that and he sat up a little taller. “You told her I was brave?”

“I did,” you confirmed. “And it’s been decided that she’s Bilbo, I’m Gandalf, and you’re Thorin.”

“I’m Thorin?” he asked in surprise, and you gave an eager nod. “Why?”

“According to June, you’re smart, nice, and clever. She’s a pretty perceptive first grader.”

Of all the things you loved about Spencer, his genuine humility was one of his best qualities. You knew he didn’t see himself for the incredible man he truly was, and watching the soft blush on his cheeks at June’s compliment warmed your heart even further.

Before you could sweet talk your boyfriend any further, though, you heard commotion in the hallway. The rest of Spencer’s team all piled into the room, with Derek in the lead, a phone to his ear.

“Oh yeah, baby girl. I’ve got him right here. I’ll let him tell you why he kept his girlfriend from us for five months.”

Spencer’s eyes widened as Derek held out the phone; he shook his head and Derek gave a deadpan frown. When Spencer refused again, his friend stepped up and pressed the phone to his face.

“No, Morgan, I don’t – oh, uh, hey Garcia –“

You could hear the squeaking of a very upset woman on the other end and you laughed along with the team as JJ and Emily came up on either side of you.

“So, (Y/N), how does dinner with the team Saturday night sound?” Emily mused, and JJ elaborated,

“We have about six months of embarrassing Reid to make up for, and Rossi makes a mean lasagna. You in?”

“Oh, I’m definitely in,” you laughed, catching Spencer’s eye as he rambled off a desperate apology to the phone in Derek’s hand. He raised his brows to you, silently asking, is this okay?

The smile and wink you gave him assured that yes, this was better than okay. This was as close to perfect as meeting someone’s family would ever get.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #drabble #thats a lie #this is not a drabble #this is 3.5k words lmao #my bad #Anonymous #female reader #spencer reid x female reader #criminal minds #rea writes #rea replies

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macklives · 5 years ago

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session 92 end (bye 413...)

this session was so long but so fucking hectic what the fuck

im going to try and slim it down to its bare essentials rather than go on a full rant because im pretty sure i want to make a post later on about vriska’s characterisation (not anything about me liking her/disliking her, just an analyse on her life really, so it wont be too bias because thats not the point of an analysis. i also want to do one on aradia, been meaning to for a while... hmm... damn i havent done much analogies lately, and i THINK the last long post on a character i made was about davesprite??? so its been a fucking while. that being said, ill leave a lot of details out for this end of session notes so i dont just repeat myself later on. rather will keep to plot points here and then make character points in another)

alright

first we had a page or two where aradia confided in nepeta about her being dead which means nepeta is the only one to know this revelation. im pretty sure aradia confided because there was no other way around it, since nepeta was her server player, so it was inevitable. either way, aradia still put her trust in nep, which means, if you think about it, nobody else knows and nobody else ever will. and considering aradia asked nep to keep it a secret, it probably wont get explored by others until MAYBE later on, whenever its plot relevant, so everyone will be in the dark about it for a while which ill have to remember for future dialogue and scenes with aradia in them

then we met vriska

which, yes, is a meme. i may not have been on a lot of fandom platforms, but you cant escape some of the stuff that goes around the internet. even if you dont know undertale, im pretty sure you know of sans. or komaeda if you have/havent seen danganronpa. its just.. the memes, ya know? ive heard from many sources of the “vriska did nothing wrong” quote (even through mbmbam which??? WHAT) but since i didnt even know what it meant, i never explored it so then i never knew it was a homestuck thing. imagine my surprise...... i think even at the time, i wouldnt have known what homestuck was either honestly so it wouldnt even matter. i only recently learned about the fandom.... uhh, maybe half a year ago??? yeah, august, so my knowledge was slim but vriska is a thing ive heard before, which still shocks me

goddammit

anyways back to her

so her intro was something, we pretty much found out she likes DnD (a FANATIC in fact) and feeds her lusus the flesh of living trolls. which is fucked up. but i wont get too much into detail about that until i make a post about her life on alternia and the consequences of such. or maybe just alternia in general...?? or *both* heheheh but i feel i need more information before i go off on a tangent about that

then we met??? white text dude?? who is a major asshole but an asshole with insults that hURted, to think i felt bad for VRISKA when that happened. woah.

i said before, but... karkat, he cant really hit deep because his insults are just HIM and his way to express himself. like some people find it natural to just go “FUCK YOU” to show emphasis on a point, and thats just karkats way. he may do it so aggressively that it takes you a second to realize what he said, but usually i dont take anything to heart whenever he spurts out some insults. ive progressed to the point where whatever he says, is just “karkat” and not him trying to be actively mean. rather, its now funny whenever he does say anything SOMEWHAT creative, dude has an imagination that goes on for miles

but vriska?? she IS trying to be a bully, you can tell. but i feel theres something much more to that. like shes trying to prove herself and her “blueblooded” demeanours or whatever the hierarchy is. she doesnt want to show emotions so she makes herself a barrier by being mean is what i can gather from her conversation with kanaya. im pretty sure youre not supposed to understand her until its pointed out and rather see her as an “antagonist” at first, but yeah, her insults are more pitiful than anything and i also cant take her too seriously. i may not like her as a person but her character is interesting because you cant always have the goodie two shoes as the protags. it doesnt diversify the characterisation so i like vriska as someone who makes the plot work and it becomes more interesting since you have someone that makes it harder for the main crew to progress. a happy-go-lucky adventure with no trouble and no turnabouts would be boring in a way. so having a character like vriska, or like this new white text guy, it makes you stop for a second and realize oh shit okay, here’s where shit CAN go wrong and WHY. and i do especially like it when these bastards of characters somehow have more depth than being the “bastard characters”. kinda humanizes them in a way. doesnt mean you have to LIKE them continuously, but theyre humans (trolls whatever) in the end and every person has their own story whether its for better or for worse

for example, i like her being placed into the story, along with white text, by how its all leading to this “accident” and is slowly showing us hints on what happened, but in the end, it wont be until later that we know the full story. even if it was in the past, it apparently is very vital to the plot and shapes how the characters act in the future, so important aspects like that are to look out for. and usually they only occur when theres been some trouble within friend dynamics. so without these bastard of characters, plot wouldnt grow AS strong and i often keep that in mind when i explore a story.

anyways, I HAD A POINT TO THIS: so vriska and karkat are characters who are yes, mean, but it seems to be their personality, and the way they either show emotions and convey feelings (karkat) or make a barrier so they DONT show emotions to produce vulnerability (vriska), white text guy seems to mostly be out to be an asshole. he told vriska she was useless to sum it up but im not too sure if this is one of those “first dialogue” to mould out a bias opinion before we even get to the character themselves, but judging by how vriska and karkat played out, he surely means something bad and i dont know how to explain it. but i cannot base anything off from one piece of dialogue. i dont even know what else to call him other than white text guy so...... ill just leave that out for now, until we finally get his introduction

though, i do wish to mention, and will expand on, im not wrong when i say karkat and vriska are similar but in different context. sorry if youre favourite is karkat and you dont like vriska, or vice versa, but uhhhh their introductions are so similar its uncanny and the way they’re portrayed is the same except one is more on crack about the meddling, while the other is angry about the meddling. similar to how it was with karkat, we were introduced to vriska talking with someone we knew (tavros) whom she obviously didnt like, so obviously, from her point of view, she wanted to be menacing. like how karkat was menacing to jade because she wouldnt listen to his point... he got angry, so he lashed out. but us, the readers, didnt know that. we thought “oh god its this asshole” until we made it further in the story and started to warm up to karkat. it may not be the same with vriska, she may be a bully regardless, but you cannot tell me we moulded a bias towards her character as we did when we first read karkat. theyre both truly mean to other people, maybe both for different reasons, but i do want to point out the similarities and not leave that out. im pretty sure andrew basically gave us a conversation that formed our opinion of a character right off the bat rather than go into depth of WHY they did it, and how they are naturally without the conditions of the game. which, you can also see with vriska when she conversed with kanaya. andrew started off with a character who only appears to speak once, and makes you judge them from first appearance alone, without any explanation as to why they said what they said and how they are with other characters, let says. so you assume they were simply a rude character. now look how karkat turned out. so im guessing in homestuck, the first impression should never be the opinion you stick with until MAYBE 5 more conversations with that character (each one different)

OKAY done with the vriska introduction, now to slutquius

yes, hes kinda weird, i have stated that many times. i have no idea what to say about him other than he likes porn, he likes centaur dick which just so happens to be his lusus as well and if that isnt a red flag idk what is

he also likes his lusus milk, right from the udders of his guardian

fun times, fun times

my opinion of equius kinda.. differs. which i should really put in place the “dont judge by first impression” rule, because at first i thought he was rude with, then i thought he was hhh okay, because i understood why he was being so protective over nepeta and her team placement, since the people she was going to play with WERE dangerous. but if you think about it, both sides will probably put you in danger. it just depends on which ones you confide in more to protect your back rather than those which would cause trouble on purpose, in my HONEST opinion. so equius was a little overdramatic on that part, but i got what he meant. he was on the blue team and he didnt want to leave nepeta alone without him on the red. but then this session happened. and he went back to being weird again because of the whole porn thing, especially being so open about it like dude chill youre 13. but the thing is, then i felt bad for him because hes basically touch starved. to say that he could break anything he touches, i doubt people would go up to him for hugs. in fear they would be crushed to death by a simple hug. so im guessing hes rather lonely and doesnt really know how to interact because of this. so i felt sad that he had to live a life where he needs to be careful of everything he touches so it doesnt break randomly. see? poor dude. but then things got weird. and im pretty sure hes a masochist. so my opinion on equius is a fucking cosine graph

which brings us to the final point:

gamzee and equius’ conversation

i dont even know.....like.........gamzee was unaware that equius was using him for his own power play roleplay, right? gamzee knew it was a roleplay but it had had some.. idk.... obvious sexual implications? and i bet gamzee didnt really know that? he thought they were only venting out through a simple roleplay and trying to get closer because he originally thought equius hated him, considering equius flat out said “i hate you” and gamzee went “you tell me everyday and im okay with that” so.. gamzee probably wanted only to get closer to equius so he helped out his little problem which.. thats so sweet but i feel bad he was coerced into something he didnt get, especially since he was innocent enough to go along without knowing equius’ true gain

anyways, equius was getting off with the hierarchy thing. considering he’s “lower” than gamzee, and gamzee is surprisingly ...high on the spectrum??? so equius wanted gamzee to boss him around, because it felt only natural to him since he’s the “inferior one” and gamzee is The Big Man. like i get that, but it was written in a way that was so uncomfortable, that i wish i didnt. equius is just a weird character... hes not BAD per say, but hes... hes something alright

but im really liking gamzee. the two things which struck me in that one conversation, was the “i dont get why we should dictate people by the colour of their blood, i just see people as people” piece of dialogue and “i cant go around pleasing just everything so its alright if you hate me”

thats... so good, idk. i really liked that. i also really liked when kanaya said “youre dangerous but dangerous people are needed and are important because it shapes you” like <33 my fucking heart

god homestuck may be a tad on the weird side with some of its characters but it surely knows how to create great lines of dialogue

and that concludes the long 4 hour session i did, hope you all enjoyed it

with that, i rest

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #hs92 #hs92 end #i wrote more than i should have but i had a lot to say #just you wait for those analogy/analysis posts

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genius11rare · 3 years ago

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Chit Chat 72821 AH 13 year anniversary

Chit Chat 13 year anniversary stream 72821 with Jack Michael Jeremy and voices of Geoff , lindsay , sudden matt and Ky

Jack: welcome to our birthday stream , sponsored by expressvpn if you don't have a vpn why don't yo- and i already lost all my frames…. Its our 13th bday we are no long preteens we are teens (someone , i assume michael uses airhorn sfx) Jack: hang on i got one (sarah no sfx x7) , we also got voices of geoff , alfredo is here , weve got Ky Deafened (jeremy wheezzes) and lindsay possibly and see trevor too… ok lindblad im switchin to firefox this is broken. Geoff: earlier we had our company wide All Hands meeting talking about whats going on… i don't expect you guys to go (jeremy uh oh) but i go cuz i care , trevor gave a speech about AH history and it was great , better than i couldve done so thanks trevor. Michael: wish i had boos and Hisses on my soundboard but i don't. Jack: todays also my wifes birthday so… im actually not supposed to be here today so *laughs* thanks to everyone whos supported over the last 13 years… Ky qwasnt even born yet (Michael: and she already made that joke) i know i said that in hope to get her to respond but shes deafeand. Michael: but that's how Deafen works… Jeremy: no shes like a jedi she would feel the joke. GeoffL di you get your internet fixed this week which then broke it 2 more times (jack: no , sounds like you tho) oh i guess that's just me then. Jack: geoff you hit record? Geoff: you know i didn't! *showing lucky 13 merch , at a poker table* Jack: so now that were 13 we can gamble. Geoff: 13 is legal gambling age in some counties of west virginia and mississippi Jeremy: and we should ALL model ourselves after those 2 states. Jack: the beacons of america. Michael: if you can see over the poker table you can play Jeremy: well guess im out Geoff: hes 5’4! Lindsay: are we sure about that? GeoffL some of us are , some of us have never not been sure . *moves onto Camp Betrayal* Geoff: out of curiosity who were your fave non AH on that shoot Alfrdo: ooohh calen (i think?) was a lot of fun but Noel surprised me the most. Michael: Kayla was fun cuz it was 3 overnite shoots so we actually somewhat hiung out… also charlotte (jack jeremy and lindsay: yeah charlotte was cool) Jeremy: is this a camp betrayal thing or a face jam thing , everytime i see someone post a pic of Eric everyone in the comments tell him to eat dirt. Michael: its camp betrayal Geoff: speaking of eating dirt were you ever the kids that ate worms for like a trick or to be brave (jack michael and jeremy: no) i wasn't either but… i feel like Matt Bragg probably did Matt: hey you're wrong *lindblad switches to a zoomed in photo of matt from the earlier lucky 13 merch drop shoot , starts shaking camera as he talks a bit* Jeremy: nice lindblad Matt: -et fucked geoff ! “are AH crew fans of cake or pie for bday?” Jack: who eats birthday PIE?!?! Ky: im just gonna step in , what about Ice cream cake (paraphrasing)... Geoff: …. I had cotton candy for dinner last night… whole kerfuffle getting it at HEB , grabbed it and the whole display fell on my head “Whose standup in austin have you seen and whos fave?” Jack: i havent seen stand up in a long time… last time i saw a routine of some kind was Penn n Teller in vegas 4 or 5 years ago. GeoffL i just saw Tom Seguarra (idk how to spell) in vegas a bit ago , and he moved to austin recently… *moves on to Season Pass* Geoff: talked about how i lost millie at that park once… tune in to find out if i found her. Michael: oh replaced her like Avril Lavigne? Geoff: yeah an almos identical millie… doesnt sound the same when she sings but its close….. Michael: and that's the one question… “Phoenix Edit: what has been proudest moment at AH?” JAck: doing any live show like selling out chicago… Michael: just hanging on i mean… Ky ill jump in (jack: whats your proudest moment at AH) you mean for the last month you mean? (Michael: yeah you have it alot easier) id say representing AH in last laugh season 2 Jack: you got knocked out like immediately though Geoff: can i give a sappy geoff answer? Its the day i invited you guys to my GFs house and we went swimming (michael: oh that was cool - i wasn't there) it was basically a perfect day , everybody - well almost everybody that mattered was there (michael laughs) and THAT day was when i told Jack and Trevor i was leaving AH . those conversations were really hard to have .. and i ws so comforted by how.... Oh idk *sigh* i just - i - i just how good a hands i felt it was in and you guys seemed so ready, and i knew it was going to continue and grow without me… sorry im getting so emotional in my old age, i yelled to much when i was younger. Michael: its weird to geoff cuz i couldnt make it and you went “oh no big deal, nothings going on anyway” and then trevor told me after wards geoffs leaving , and trevor kept saying “ive been waiting for this day ive ben waiting for this day” Geoff: he hi5 me before i even got it out of my mouth….. He fist bumped himself it was weird… Trevor: yeah did that and said “God took ya long enough” *cue airhorns and sarah nos* Jeremy:… alright let's play golf Jack: thanks for showing support from our live shows to our.. Our… idk the shows weve done *laughs* Geoff: GET IT OUT CMON! (Lindsay: GDI *jeremy and matt laughing* ) Jesus Christ! Jack: i had weird place , hardcore minigolf i got all them stuck in my head and couldnt get out the door

#chit chat #notes #text #ah #achievement hunter #anniversary #13 anniversary #july 2021 #idk what else to tag #for later #geoff ramsey #livestream #my notes #gen notes

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midnightmarginalia · 5 years ago

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Ho fuck this is long

Ok so like. I made a fucking mistake. I wrote an essay for my creative non-fiction class. We had to write a Lyric Essay. simple enough. it's whatever. I transcribed parts of my journal. it was fun. HOWEVER, I made the mistake of telling the class that I did some heavy editing to get rid of some unconventional grammar I use cuz internet, ya know? this was 3 days ago. jump to today. I wrote a 7-page essay trying to briefly explain SOME of the grammar conventions that have evolved alongside the internet. I had to explain this to a group of 40+ year-olds. so NOw I present this to you, o Tumblr. for the love of god let people read this and add to it, I spent eternally too much time on it

So "Internet English" or "New English" is a linguistic phenomenon that centers on conveying tone and different connotative meanings through informal writing. Linguist Gretchen McCulloch actually released a book on this called Because Internet: Understanding the New Rules of Language. Her book actually is really interesting (I highly recommend it) and covers some of what I'm going to be talking about today. In the first section, she compares the process of learning literacy to be similar to learning how to talk solely through exposure to formal writing like speeches, screenplays, audiobooks, etc. You miss all the nuances of informal speaking. Well, the same is true for written language. Before the Internet, informal writing was extremely hard to come by and even harder to study; even letters, postcards, secretive notes and the like were still written fairly formally because there were no mass text-based communication practices. Now, we have this vast intangible library of infinite knowledge and human interactions, making the necessity of informal writing more prominent. As such, internet users, especially people from my generation, have evolved a subset of written English to better express connotative meaning through the use, abuse, and misuse of capitalization, spacing, spelling, punctuation, incomplete sentences, and more. Let me show you a little of what I mean.

Capitalization

Capitalization is a common convention used to convey emphasis, although which type of emphasis that is changes based on how the capitalization is used.

Random Capitalization is meant to grab Attention and express that Something is Very Important or should be Stressed by Your Inner Voice when reading.

ALL CAPS IS MEANT TO SIGNIFY A VAST INCREASE IN VOLUME, THOUGH IT IS OFTEN INTERPRETED AS SHOUTING. THIS IS NOT ALWAYS THE CASE.

a crescENDO IS MEANT TO SPECIFY VOLUME AND/OR IMPORTance for one segment. It is often used to EXPRESS GROWING EXCITEMENT!

CaPiTaLiZiNG a RanDoM AsSoRTmEnT oF LetTerS ConVEyS SaRcAsM oR a MOcKinG TonE.

I cannot really articulate why but this, thIS, tHIS, and THIS are all different. This is called Varied Capitalization and can apply to any word, though I most often see and use it with articles.

not capitalizing anything in a sentence is an excellent way to express a monotone voice that seems very apathetic towards everything and everyone. "oh look. john and i went to the store. how exciting."

Spacing

Spacing Conventions are less common, and ultimately there is only one that I find noteworthy. Spacing out letters in a word like r e a l l y conveys that the word is significant. It takes up more space than really and thus needs to be stressed. It is also important to note that this convention is often coupled with full capitalization. There is a significant difference between "I am really hungry" and "I and r e a l l y hungry" and "I am R E A L L Y Hungry"

Spelling

Spelling, like Spacing, is less varied than some of these other conventions. The most common spelling convention you are likely to encounter is the Intentional Misspell. This is used to express one of two things; you can discern which by the context of the rest of the message. It can be used to display excitement. The misspell conveys a kind of excitement that interferes with dexterity, like how your hands shake after a jump scare: "gyus I just swa A Quiet Place an d it s one f thr svsriest movis I've ever seen." The other emotion the Intentional Misspell can convey is much more subtle and complicated. It is the sense of false apathy. it is nit uncommun to putf a typo in everyr other werd or so to shwo yu don't realy give a fukc but yiu actually do. This is much harder to discern and your best bet on understanding this half of the convention is context clues.

Punctuation and Lack Thereof

Punctuation is, in my opinion, the best, most diverse option for conveying a specific kind of tone. There's a lot to cover here, so I will do my best to keep it brief.

A full stop is a short sentence with a period. It is meant to be read in a scolding tone. The usage of this is especially important in text message and chatroom settings because you can signify the end of a sentence by sending the message. A good rule of thumb for the tone is that the shorter the message, the more scolding the tone.

Putting. A. Period. Between. Words. Conveys. That. The. Matter. At. Hand. Must. Be. Taken. Seriously. This is simply the act of emphasizing each word with a full stop.

not having any punctuation or capitalization at all makes for a very fluid reading experience yes the sentences can get mixed up but those who read and write this way regularly can discern separate trains of thought if you've noticed the lack of capitalization you may recognize one of the earlier discussed conventions it is important to note however that the monotone voice of that convention disappears with the punctuation

Question marks now signify an upturn in the voicing of a statement rather than forcing something to be a question. now you may be asking yourself "why would they do this." The only answer I have for you is "it just seems right?" the upturn signifies a tentative statement while the flat delivery of the question signifies frustration or bafflement.

Punctuation Frequency is meant to signify the amount of severity accompanying the statement. This is exclusively used with question marks and exclamation marks. A common example is extending the simple “what?” to “what???????” Notice the difference? The same thing can be done with exclamation points. Note the increased excitement between “The baby was born today!” and “The babe was born today!!!!!!!!!!!” These, of course, can be amplified even further by incorporating some of the other conventions we’ve discussed previously.

Exclusive Punctuation is a convention most commonly found in messaging systems, but it is still important. “???” is an expression of pure confusion. If you were to receive this message, that whatever you sent the person prior has left them amazed, confused, flabbergasted, awe-struck, bewildered, and more. On the other hand “!!!” is an expression of pure excitement and glee. The best description I’ve seen for this is that it is a noise of happiness.

While there are dozens more grammatical conventions, these are the primary ones that a vast majority of people will use. It is time to move on.

Ellipses

Yes. This is punctuation. But it elicits its own category. Ellipses are great tools for signifying that there is more to this statement than meets the eye. However, there are now multiple types of ellipses that have different meanings.

Periodic Ellipses or Hard Ellipses are just that. Hard. Say I were to text someone “Hey can we talk after class...” The ellipsis generates a cold tone that has some worrying connotations. Something important to note here is that the length of the ellipsis can signify severity, though after a certain point it becomes superfluous and silly. The only friendly usage of a Hard Ellipsis is the Two-Dot Ellipsis. “Hey can we talk after class..” is far far less sinister than “Hey can we talk after class…”

Commatic Ellipses or Soft Ellipses are just that. Soft. Instead of being composed of periods, these ellipses are composed of commas and have a vastly different meaning. These are meant to convey either worrying or flirtatious tones. To go back to our previous example, “Hey can we talk after class,,,,,” is going to be read in a flirtatious manner. However, “Hey can we talk after class,” is going to be read worryingly. The trick to discerning the different tones is the length of the ellipsis. Three commas or less conveys a worrisome tone, whereas five or more conveys a flirtatious tone.

Sentence Structure

Look! We’re almost done! There are many people who will play with sentence structure to convey meaning but the most widespread practice is the Incomplete Sentence. This one is actually fairly straightforward. Leaving a sentence incomplete expresses exhaustion (either emotional or physical) and adds a sense of trailing off in the speakers voice. I mean, have you ever started a sentence and then just

Noun/Verb Dichotomy

Ok last one. This one is also pretty straight forward, though still quite complex. The Noun/Verb Dichotomy is simple the act of using a noun in place of a verb to get your point across. For example, a more expressive (and in my opinion more accurate) way to say “I like to get a midnight snack at 2 in the morning” would be “I like to velociraptor around my house at 2 in the morning.” The second conjures such a specific image that it can more concisely convey the actions and emotions being done. The possibilities are endless. This opens up the door for someone to sentence how they want. Although many people will get a headache and want to clothesline into a wall. These all make sense to a native speaker of this kind of english because, while our brains do brain logically, english doesnt logic englishly so the brain brains by itself to logic the english!

So that is my mini-lesson on Internet English. please remember I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of what’s changed.

#holy shit #language #languaging is hard #linguistics #its sublime #but so funky #for the love of god add to this #also correct me #theres a good chance I am wrong #I had to do all this research #all this studying #its unprecedented #i could make this my dissertation #like #holy fuck

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grinwolfe · 5 years ago

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Ok ok ok

I've had this fanfic in my head for a while and I'm not sure if I'll ever write it because I've never been much of a writer but I want to share my idea anyways.

It's a Lucifer/Supernatural crossover.

Let's say it starts in the supernatural universe when the boys are on a hunt, probably something like a werewolf or vampire, a cliche monster. I think it could be in any season since this would be an identical setup to the French mistake, unless we use Jack who is notoriously bad at controlling his powers.

I originally went with the idea that only Sam and Dean get sucked into Lucifer's universe, but I think Castiel getting dragged along too makes a better juxtaposition to the angels in the foreign universe. Trouble is, the monster gets sucked through too, and they land in a wide alley.

In the confusion, the monster succeeds in overpowering the boys and tearing off. They give chase, guns/machete/angel blade out until they reach the street, which is packed full of people and a few beat cops hanging around too, so they act natural and hide their weapons.

They figure out they're in Los Angeles, Sam tries to call Jack to let him know what's happened but the number is disconnected. Castiel tries to sense Jack but he can't, which naturally makes them all concerned. The brothers have contacts all over, LA is no different so one of them starts calling to find backup, since they don't have the impala with all the hunter gear and FBI disguises. Every single call is a wrong number. Up a creek without a paddle they decide to find a place where they can use a computer- internet cafe, library, wherever.

About 6 hours later, Detective Decker is called to a crime scene, Ella examining a recently savaged body and Lucifer consulting. Ella remarks on the uber weirdness, how it seems almost animalistic, the strength that would be needed to rip the poor soul apart. Lucifer cracks jokes, like he does, but not much else can be made of it until the coroner can examine further.

About 20 min previous, the boys were sitting in a cheap hotel room. While very similar to their own universe there have been enough differences for them to cotton on that they're not in Kansas anymore which they all find very distressing. Castiel is mollified to find he is still an angel and still has all his abilities. Dean bought a radio and some other supplies and has built a police scanner. As per previous supernatural episodes, they know that they will need the grace of an archangel to get back to their own universe, but they absolutely must kill the monster before they go. Sam has searched and found no mention of Hunters, Men of Letters, or monsters at all, besides the normal mythos that always exists. They pick up the call for the recently mentioned deceased, and decide to go see what's up.

They find themselves standing in the crowd of looky loos, and standing out as well since they're the tallest and wearing plaid in LA. Dean wants to pretend to be agent with the fake badge in his wallet but Sam stops him, reminding him it's a different universe and their badges might look very different from what they look like here. While they're arguing in undertones, Castiel slips under the police tape to get a closer look. He makes it about halfway there before Ella or Decker stops him, tells him off for interfering in a crime scene and to get back past the line. Cass got close enough to see that it was a monster victim and returns to the brothers, which Decker notices and makes a mental note to remember them because they were suspicious. Then the regular canvassing of the victim's friends family and coworkers starts. Ella notices a street cam aimed at the crime scene. Lucifer does... Lucifer stuff. Drama, impetuous attitudes, good ol' Luci.

The boys are feeling particularly fucked back at the hotel. No weapons, no car, no disguises, and how do you track a wandering monster in LA besides following the bodies? Castiel tries to contact Heaven on angel radio, if there is one in this universe, but he gets mixed results. There was definitely a divine influence in the world, most likely a heaven but Castiel can't be heard and what he does hear is unintelligible, possibly a difference frequency and/or code.

I'm not entirely sure on this part, but I expect Dean is drinking at a bar, alone or with any of the others. Either someone overhears that they're in trouble or they look upset enough to prompt a conversation. When they explain vaguely that what they need is nearly impossible to get and that they haven't got any friends to back them up, they are told about a nightclub owner who grants favors, occasionally the impossible one. The boys aren't sure about mingling in a foreign universe but if this man called Mr. Morningstar can get the other ingredients needed for the spell, then it can't hurt to try, can it?

Ella and Decker and Dan are reviewing the CTV footage and even though it's barely been caught in the upper left corner, its obvious this perp is acting inhuman, which they believe is a mental illness or a weird drug interaction. Once they go back to their desks Lucifer returns and Ella describes the attack as if the person was a movie monster, to which Lucifer replied that it might look that way but not to worry, his father destroyed all the monsters centuries ago.

The boys go to Lux, which is mostly empty since it's so early. A few girls are dancing, sam and cass are doubtful about getting legit help here but Dean enjoys the atmosphere. They ask the bartender for Mr. Morningstar. The bartender tells them he's not seeing anyone right now. Sam says that they need a favour. The man says they'll have better luck getting his boss's attention later tonight when all the guests come. Cass says it's urgent, a matter of life and death. The bartender reluctantly picks up the phone and calls upstairs to Lucifer's suite, who agrees to come down to deal with them.

The first thing Lucifer does when he sees them is comment on the plaid, asking if they just came from a hunting trip and asking Castiel if he is an accountant. He was going to turn them away but once seeing them in person, they were the perfect combination of weird and sexy to keep his interest. They say they hear he's the man to come to for favors and that they need supplies. Lucifer prompts them to get to the point. Sam tries to prepare him, that it sounds ridiculous but it's really important that it's all authentic. They list off the ingredients needed to send them back, sans archangel grace. Lucifer asks 'what on earth do you need all that for?' And points out that everything they've asked for is priceless if not impossible to find. He asks again what they want it for, and for that matter who are they, and the boys give up, getting up to leave because explaining that they're from another universe will just get them laughed out anyways.

Before they take a step Decker comes in and calls out 'Lucifer!' The boys freeze and Decker comes down, apologising for interrupting and Lucifer waves her apology aside. As she comes up to him to talk the boys all turn back to him, and cass pulls out his angel blade. Lucifer wonders what they are really up to, they seems to have extensive divine knowledge. They ask him if he's lucifer to which he confirms. They continue checking and confirming that he is indeed the fallen angel. Decker realizes these men were at the crime scene and sees the angel blade sticking out of the end of castiel's sleeve. Before she can say anything Dean draws his gun on Lucifer. It's all a kerfuffle, decker is trying to talk the boys down and then Maze walks in, and Castiel can see her true face so he let's everyone know, which surprises Lucifer and he asks how does cass know? Cass replies that he's an angel. Lucifer asks which one? Cass gives his name and Lucifer disagrees since knows his brother castiel and this man was not it. Maze says that cass doesnt look like an angel but he also doesn't look right as a human. Angel possession is talked about, which is in the SpN universe but not Luci's. Probably play around with the idea that Angel's in this universe can have their own bodies because they are a product of two very different beings, light and dark, while castiel is just made from light and frequency. Maze says he looks like something huge and alive got shoved up inside a human shaped jar. Sam reminds Dean that they will need Lucifer's grace to get home and they lower their weapons reluctantly.

Lucifer at some point shows off by showing his wings which astounds the boys. Castiel is urged to try it and for the first time the brothers see cass's black wings. The brothers admit that they're both working the same case, that its a monster they brought over from another universe and what its specs are- decker is getting fatigued by two revelations in one day.

Regular shenanigans continue. The boys are determined to hate Lucifer but the more time they spend with him the more they bond: dean with good food, alcohol and women, sam with insider history lore and bad jokes, castiel with Lucifer's clear affection for decker and his desire to protect humans. There will be karaoke at some point. The boys help with the case, meet Ella and hit it off. They meet Dan and really don't. There are clashes in methodology, decker sees the fake badge and the brothers explain that they dont get paid to save the world.

And I dont really know after that point. Obviously they kill the monster and get home, and that they wish they could have this Lucifer instead of theirs. Anyone is welcome to this story, if you want to do something with it. I'm great at starting but I lose interest once there's work to be done.

#fanfic #fanfiction #lucifer morningstar #lucifer #supernatural #crossover

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someguy1023 · 6 years ago

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Nobody’s gonna care about this, but maybe someone will

i think it’ll help convey why im so stuck on this, and why i seem to be focusing more on Holly and, according to messages i kept getting, “white knighting” for her. I’m not gonna justify Holly’s behavior. thats not what this is about. I just want this off my chest.

(im gonna regret this)

also, just to preemptively defend myself, i know how cheesy all this is gonna sound. But its the truth.

so. i guess i should preface this by explaining when I first heard about Holly. Maybe it’ll help this make sense in context. Maybe not. I don’t know but it doesnt hurt to try.

I didn’t actually learn about Holly through the internet like i assume most others did. I actually first found her through TV. More specifically, through that Heroes of Cosplay show SciFi has produced a few years back. I enjoyed it, but found myself mainly enjoying the work Holly and Jessica did while on the show. They were my favorite team, and I always tried to watch whenever they were in an episode. After a while though, I, like a lot of others apparently, got bored and moved on, and eventually forgot about Holly.

It was a few years later that I would find her again. This time, like many others, through Grumps. More specifically, through Ross and Steam Train. I was surprised when it turns out that one of my favorite members of GG was also married to one of my favorite people on HoC. Small world. I stayed a more casual fan, watching the occasional playthrough or crafting episode on her channel. I was more of a fan of GG and Ross, so I tended to watch more of his stuff than hers, but I still made sure to keep watching her stuff. It wasn’t anything major, she just made me smile.

A few years later, it meant something more to me.

In 2016, my father died. Normally, that wouldn’t be such a big deal for something like this. It was everything leading up to his death that was the problem. I always had a very “problematic” relationship with my father. He was abusive towards me when I was younger, lashing out at me for really minor problems. (for example, one time he had lifted me up in the air by my throat and began strangling me when I was ~6. Why? Because I had used some money our neighbor gave me for cleaning up his lawn to buy a popsicle from an ice cream truck, ate half of it, then put the other half in the fridge. He found it, got mad at me, and then began to yell at me. I had a nervous tic when I was younger where I giggled uncontrollably when I was scared. Sure enough, I began to giggle and could stop it, and then he, enraged, lifted me up. I realize years later he was probably drunk, considering he smelled really weird. It isnt a good memory.) He eventually left my mom and I when I was almost 7, moving down to Alabama with this lady he met in a bar, and proceeded to do pretty much every major drug imaginable. I didn’t see/hear from him again until a few years later at his mother’s funeral. He seemed remorseful for what he did to me, and a year or two later, moved in with his cousin back in the state I was living in at the time. I began visiting him when I was 13, and he seemed to be better. He apologized to me for what he did, he tried to be a good dad, and I believed him. That was my first mistake.

Flash forward to January 3rd, 2016. I was visiting him for the weekend after staying at my cousin’s, and was sorting through my things to make sure i didnt forget anything. We had visited one of his friends to get something he borrowed (according to him) then got back to his house. He was sitting on the couch, watching TV, and I thought he fell asleep. I noticed he had a cigarette in his mouth he was going to light before he passed out, so I went over to put it aside. I figured out he wasn’t sleeping. It turns out, he was overdosing, and what I thought was snoring was his throat closed shut and the air escaping his lungs. He was dying. I told his wife (at the time) what what happening, she called 911, and I went upstairs to hide in my bedroom. A lil while later, the ambulance came by, and the paramedics gave him whatever that stuff is they give addicts who OD. (At the time, I didnt know what was going on. He had really bad lungs, and I thought they were shutting down or something. I was told it was from him overdosing later that night.) He woke up, and they drove him to the hospital to make sure he was okay. I went back to my moms house, and stayed there. That was the last time I saw him alive

As it turns out, my dad had been using me for over 2 or 3 years. He was not only stealing money from me under the pretense of helping him with driving for over an hour to pick up/drop me off from my moms place to visit, but had also been heavily manipulating me for years in order to control me. He had tried to turn me against my mother and her side of the family, claiming she had used me to verbally abuse and control him when they were married, telling me lies in order to keep me under his thumb. (like how she threatened to abort me if he didnt marry her after knocking her up, or how she had him steal from his sister during her wedding, etc.) I began to despise my mother, arguing with her constantly, and, on his insistence, never told her anything about what he was doing or what he told me. It wasnt until after that day that I learned it was all lies.

I was devastated. I felt hurt, used, and betrayed. (I realize now...its because I actually was.) I was a wreck. It didnt help that 4 months later...he died. Needless to say, it was a very, very tough grieving period. I locked myself away in my room, unable to summon the energy to even get up in the morning. I had suffered from mild depression prior to this, but it was much worse. I couldn’t find a way to get through this, suffering for months, and eventually, began to think about suicide.

Thats where Holly came back in.

Besided the playthroughs helping cheer me up a lil whenever I put them on, it was her advice that really began my path to healing. Her kind words and support to others began to help me sort through the baggage I had been dealing with about my dad. I began to follow her advice on how to deal with my depression, and began to slowly ull myself back from the edge, and, over time, began to pull myself back up. Eventually, with her help, I began to attend regular therapy sessions, and managed to fully come to terms with what my father had done to me, as well as properly manage both my depression and anxiety problems. I honestly don’t know where I’d be right now if it wasn’t for Holly. She helped keep me going when I really needed it. She, for lack of a better expression, helped save my life. I’ll always be grateful to her for that...despite all of this. Ever since then, whenever I felt my depression weighing me down, or felt my anxiety creep back up on me, I could rely on her to help keep me grounded.

When all this happened, I couldnt help but notice I felt the same way as I did all those years ago. Despite the fact that its just some random lady on the internet, and shouldnt have mattered as much as it did...it still hurt on a personal level. The worst part of this whole thing? I can’t go back to the thing that helped me out whenever I felt this way. Not without being reminded everywhere I go of how everyone thinks of her.

So...maybe thats why I’m doing all this. Not just to stop people from spreading hate and rumors based on speculation...but because part of me cant/doesnt want to believe one of the people I relied on and put trust in could be the bad guy. Because part of me just refuses to let go or lose someone who meant so much to me. Because part of me wants to believe that things will get better...even if I know they wont.

If you read through this, thank you. Maybe someone out there feels the same way I do. Maybe, if they dont, someone can understand. Its been a rough month for me. I just hope things will look up somehow. I dont know if I’m gonna come back to this. Im realizing it probably isnt healthy. The only thing I have left to say, then, if I dont come back; please, try to spread good. I know this is the internet, and even worse, tumblr...but i think people need some light nowadays. and constantly spreading hate and cruelty...that wont help anyone. I know nothing i say matters, that nothing i’ve done has changed any minds. but even if you cant trust Holly anymore, or dont believe anything she says...at least believe in one of her beliefs. That kindness is the greatest thing to spread to others, and the world can sure use a lot more of it.

Good night.

#atelierheidi #commander holly #heidi o'farrell #heidi o'ferrall #holly conrad #jared knabenbauer #projared #projared scandal

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joonshadow · 6 years ago

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"i'm not straight"

being in the closet isnt that much fun

namjoon comes out to the other members after hiding for so long.

/namjoon-centric fluff/

namjoon knew he wasn't straight for quite a while now but never told anyone, neither his family or his members. not because he wasn't sure about it, heck no, he knows for a hundred percent.

but coming out to yourself is really hard and coming out to everyone else in your life is even harder sometimes.

the leader always is open and accepting, never judging anyone. he has some not straight friends and loves them so much, couraging them to be open and happy. but being not straight himself is a bit different.

first, he could never be open about his sexuality to the whole world. its just the sad truth that an idol isn't supposed to be gay, they should be "normal" and appealing to their fans, who are mostly female.

which leads to the second reason; the hate.

as the leader of the group its his job to hold the members together and look after them. if he came out as gay, the media would go crazy and not just attack joon, but probably the whole group with hate and drama.

so no, being out and about isn't really an option for him. but for a while now he thought about telling his little "secret" to his members, his best friends who are like a second family for the boy.

turns out that trying to come out is nerve wracking as fuck.

all seven boys are cuddled up on the couch, watching a movie yoongi choose called "love simon" and eating popcorn.

namjoon is squished inbetween jungkook and hoseok, the youngest laying his head down on joons lap while his head is on hoseoks shoulders.

namjoons hands are sweaty, his heart is bumping hard in his chest and his throat is dry as hell. the blonde boy kept thinking over and over how he should say it but everytime he wants to say it out loud, he gets too scared.

its weird because he knows he will receive nothing but love and support from his friends, so he doesnt know why its so scary to actually tell them.

probably because his whole life, it was his little secret just for himself that no one else knew. so telling it someone else who obviously isnt him, is scaring the hell out of him.

and the time passes, the movie almost over and jungkook asleep on his thighs.

the first one to speak up wasnt namjoon, it was taehyung.

"i love this movie, its awesome. the two boys are so cute together!", the blue haired boy said with a sleepy voice and smiled at the other members, everyone agreeing with him instantly.

which makes joon incredibly happy. he doesn't know if its just something he feels or if its common among lgbt people, but everytime someone whos important to him says something accepting or nice about the community, his heart secretly bursts full of happiness in his chest.

"its late, we should sleep.", hoseok mumbled while carefully standing up, trying not to wake the youngest member up.

"youre right, hyung. do we have any schedules tomorrow?", asked jimin, who also was almost asleep next to jungkook.

seokjin told them all that they dont have anything planned for the next week since promotions are over and their tour starts in three weeks. everyone smiled because that means they would all be able to sleep as long as they want tomorrow.

namjoon brought some blankets from his room for jungkook who will sleep on the couch today because everyone is too tired and lazy to wake the youngest up and bring him to bed.

he carefully put them over him and tucked the sleeping boy in, kissing his head before turning off the tv and going out of the living room as quiet as possible.

seokjin and hoseok already dissapeared in their rooms, tired from practising their newest choreo all day long, while jimin and taehyung were in the bathroom and getting ready for bed.

namjoon did the same, telling the younger ones to sleep well and not to stay up too late before going to his room as well.

yoongi was his roommate, the two rappers sharing their room for quiet a while now.

the older boy was already in his bed when namjoon came in and crawled into his bed after changing into his pyjamas.

namjoon thought he was already asleep so he tried his best to be quiet and not make any noise to disturb the other. he almost fell asleep too before he heard some footsteps coming near his bed, his big blanket being held up and yoongi going under them.

it wasnt surprising since the two of them cuddle almost every night. but namjoon still got surprised as yoongi began to talk in a soft, calm voice.

"whats wrong, joon? i know somethings on your mind. you can talk to me, you know?"

is he that obvious? okay maybe he is a little bit tense lately, trying so hard to act normal but at the same time trying to find a good moment to tell his members about his sexuality.

after the movie was over today, he was kinda pissed at himself because he wasted such a good opportunity to tell them.

"i dont know what you mean, hyung. im just like always?"

yoongi sighed but besides that he just stayed silent. he softly caressed joons hair and waited for the younger boy to speak up when he is comfortable with doing so.

namjoons heart started to pound faster and he felt his hands getting sweaty again. maybe this was better than telling it everyone at once.

so he took a deep breath, tried to get his shit together and with a voice that yoongi almost wasnt able to hear, he finally said it out loud.

"im gay."

namjoon couldnt see yoongis reaction, wasnt able to read his face because it was pitch dark in their room and his back was turned towards the older one.

he started to breath faster, anxiety rising up in him because yoongi didnt say anything and for a second namjoon thought that he will hate him now.

but all his fears went away as yoongi wrapped his arms around namjoons waist and pulled him a little bit closer, giving him a soft kiss on his shoulder and smiled against his neck.

"hyung?"

"what?"

"arent you gonna say anything?"

"what should i say, joon? its no big deal,

i still love you. youre still the same person as before, you know?"

namjoon fell asleep a few minutes later with the biggest smile on his face.

"so for how long have you known?"

yoongi decided the morning after that just the two of them should sit together and talk a little bit. namjoon was more than okay with that which resulted in them sitting on yoongis bed, both with a cup of tea and surrounded by soft blankets and pillows.

namjoon told him everything, about how he found out and if he ever had a boyfriend, to which he sadly answered with a no.

"i dont know if anyone would every truly love me for who i am, you know what i mean?", namjoon said and looked down at his cup.

yoongi looked at the other boy and smiled softly, hitting his shoulder playfully.

"i bet youll find the perfect boy soon, joonie. dont worry too much about it."

this same afternoon namjoon decided that he should tell the other members too. it was unfair to just tell it yoongi and keep this big secret from everyone else.

its kinda hard to plan this kind of stuff since he is the type of person to back out on the last second. but after feeling so relieved from telling yoongi about his sexuality, he figured it wont be that bad to tell the others as well.

he went to seokjins and hoseoks room, knocking on the door twice and letting himself in after hearing a tired "yes?" from the inside.

there they were, sitting on their comfortable beds while probably scrolling through social media and stalking fan accounts. neither of them looked up, too concentrated on their phones and whats going on on the internet.

"hyung?"

both of them looked up after they heard namjoons quiet voice filled with anxiety, instantly putting away their phones and just focusing on him which, to be honest, didnt make this any easier.

"whats wrong, joon?", hoseok asks curious while standing up, taking his hand and pulling him over to seokjins bed.

hoseok sat right next to jin, which meant that namjoon is right in front of the two older boys.

nervously he was fiddling with his hands, taking a deep breath and thinking about what yoongi told him.

its no big deal,

youre still the same person as before

"i have something to say that i feel like you two should know, okay? its nothing big, at least thats what yoongi hyung says, but i just wanted you guys to kno-"

"are you gay or what?", hoseok said while letting out a small giggle, stopping the moment he saw namjoons surprised face.

"wait, youre really gay. holy shit, im sorry namjoon, i didnt mean to-"

"oh shut up hoseok, dont make this even more embarassing for yourself.", seokjin insisted and then just focused on namjoon, who was just hella surprised and a little bit shocked to be honest.

"yeah, im actually gay. thanks for ruining my big surprise", namjoon joked and smiled at hoseok, who still feels kinda bad and tightly holds joons hands in his.

the two older boys gave namjoon a big hug, telling him that theyll love and support him no matter what and reminded namjoon that theyre always here if he needs someone to talk to.

everything they said means a lot to joon and he is so happy to hear it, especially from the oldest member in the group. the two were always really close with each other so to know that seokjin still loves him just the way he is, means a lot.

"hyung?"

namjoon looked up from the pot with boiling hot water in it, making pasta for everyone or at least trying to. taehyung came into the kitchen and just silently started to cut the vegetables that joon already put out for cooking.

"whats up, tae?", joon asked while taking out spices from the cabin, tasting the sauce for the noodles before adding some more salt and pepper. hes not the best cook but still able to make simple pasta with tomato sauce without making everyone sick or burning down the kitchen.

taehyung put away the knife for cutting the veggies, puts his hands on joons shoulders and turns him around so that the two boys are facing each other.

"uh, taehyung? what are you doing?"

the younger one just hugged joon tight and buried his face in the taller ones neck, pulling him close. to say that namjoon was a little bit confused was an understatement.

taehyung began to speak quietly with a shy, almost embarassed voice against joons soft skin.

"i heard you, hobi hyung and jin hyung talk in their rooms. i shouldnt have listened, but i was so curious about what you guys were talking about. im so sorry, hyung."

he was a little bit confused but understood after a second whats going on.

"so you know?"

the blue haired boy nodded quickly and promised namjoon that he doesnt mind it at all and that hes still the best leader of the whole world to which namjoon just responded with a soft "thank you", a big smile and an even bigger hug.

the day is almost over, no one really did anything besides sleeping and eating all day long. days like these are much needed after stressful promotions and exhausting award shows.

the boys ate joons pasta for dinner, complimenting him on his "amazing" cooking skills and after that they all just dissapear in their rooms or somewhere else in the house.

it was already dark outside as namjoon sat down on their big couch, pulling his phone out and scrolling trough social media.

most of the fans dont know but all of the members love to look at all the different fan accounts and see what they say about their group. its fun.

around five minutes later he got a message from jimin.

jimin: hyung

jimin: do you want to watch a movie

jimin: just jungkook, yoongi and me

namjoon: sure

after hitting send, he made his way to jimins room, already hearing their voices and the tv playing in the background. he just went in there without knocking and got greeted by the sight of jimin making little ponytails with yoongis grey hair and jungkook eating leftover pasta from dinner.

"wow, looks like you guys are having a lot of fun without me", namjoon said laughing and just laid down on the bed next to jungkook.

"its boring just with yoongi hyung, most of the time he falls asleep during the movie and thats-"

"oh shut up, its not my fault that the movies you guys choose are always so boring."

both of them laughed after yoongi jokingly hit jimins arm, which hurt not even a little bit since he isnt really the strongest.

"what movie are we even watching today?"

"probably a bad love movie which jimin found on netflix after feeling lonely and sad again"

the next second jimin just deadass jumped on jungkook and both of them tried to push the other one down on the bed. jimin gave up a bit after since its unfair because jungkook is "way stronger and hes tickling him which is fucking unfair".

namjoon just laughs and sits a little bit closer to yoongi, the older one putting his arm around joons shoulders and pulling him even closer.

"guys, come on now. if you dont want me to fall asleep during the movie, we should start now and not just in a few hours when you two decided to calm down.", yoongi murmured kinda annoyed, he would probably rather be in his bed now.

after a few minutes the movie was playing on the big tv screen and all four of them cuddled up on jungkooks big bed.

namjoon couldnt hold back a small giggle after seeing that jimin chose 'titanic' and hearing yoongi and jungkooks annoyed sigh.

to be honest, it was actually really nice. a few minutes after the movie started, taehyung decided to join them too and just snuggled between jungkook and jimin.

yoongi couldnt hold back and after a while he was softly snoring on namjoons lap with messy hair and parted lips.

the younger one of the two just caresses the older ones hair, loving the way it feels between his fingers.

"did hyung fall asleep again?", jimin asked with not even a little bit of surprise in his voice.

namjoon just nodded without saying anything, he didnt want to wake up yoongi and taehyung, whos also sleeping in jungkooks arms.

maybe now is the right time to tell them too since they are the last ones who dont know about joons little secret yet. jimin is still looking at namjoon with sleepy eyes, smiling a bit.

"jimin, jungkook, i have to tell you guys something", namjoon whispered as quiet as possible, hoping the younger boys would understand him anyways since he would rather not say it twice.

"what is it?", asks jimin, now wide awake and looking at namjoon full of curiosity.

from jungkook he just heard a tired "hm?".

"im gay", he whispers softly.

he honestly expected to be more calm now considering he came out to so many people in such a short time. but hes still nervous, his heart beating fast and waiting for a reaction he already knows will be the same as all the others before.

"not surprising, hyung"

wait, what? namjoon was confused.

"what do you mean, jungkook?"

jimin just giggles and shrugs his shoulders. jungkook told him that it isnt really that big of a surprise since hes not that stupid and knows his hyungs well. namjoon wanted him to be a little bit more clear, so he explained why he always kinda knew that joonie isnt that hetero.

"you never had a girlfriend and neither do you really talk about girls the way, for example jimin, does. and since there were never any signs that youre straight, i just assumed you arent."

namjoon just laughs and sarcastically congrats jungkook on his smart brain and his skill on finding out peoples sexuality. jimin joins in too and after a bit they all just cant stop laughing.

both, taehyung and yoongi woke up from the noise, confused and tired.

"whats going on?", yoongi said so quiet that namjoon and the others almost didnt notice.

"namjoon hyung likes boys!"

after that, the three boys just started to laugh even harder, not even knowing whats so funny about the whole situation.

but theres one thing namjoon knows for sure.

and that is that hes genuinely happy right now, feeling so good after knowing that he doesnt have to hide anymore and that hes so so loved.

--------

you can find my other stories on wattpad @ smolouis

please leave feedback!!

#pls tell me how it is :((#namjoon 💞💞💞#bts #jimin #taehyung #ot7 #hoseok #yoongi #seokjin #jungkook #fanfic

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thoughtcock · 2 years ago

Text

six months later

i feel like i have learnt more about myself and have a lot of thoughts to process in the last few months since i’m gone from this little corner of the internet

i learnt how to be more comfortable being on my own. to be at peace from this strange phase of my life. the phase where im alone, not finding the next person to be distracted with (and even if i do, cutting things off or leaving things alone is how i deal with with it), not feeling as bitter and resentful about the fucked up shit that has happened to me, learning to let go of things that dont serve me anymore

u see, its so tiring being bitter about life all the time. i had a really bad depressive period when covid pretty much shut everything down. all i did were depressing stories about the government fucking up, stay cooped in my room and overthink, constantly swipe on apps in hopes to find a soul connection somewehre, cling onto horoscope predictions that i will land on a soulmate soon (lol i still do that now). being angry and impatient at everything and just wanting to skip to the next era in life already - a life where i finally get my shit together and find someone special and have my career in place where i dont feel like a content sellout for negative news all the time

but i did let the negativity get to me for quite awhile, and people around me could tell how down i was. i felt like i was being a negative nancy all the time, wondering if my moods are affecting how people perceive me. wondering if im spreading bad vibes to my house mates.

but somehow in those months, i found solace with those living with me. i never actually liked the concept of housemates, i usually just see them as taking up space that i feel are mine (even though they are communual, i just cant stand other people’s presence if i were to use those rooms at the same time), but it feels nice living with friends you care about and vice-versa. for the first time, this house that i’m living in, although i spent most of my time being a sad sack in my room, the house also allowed me to share my dark, sad thoughts to my house mates living here. and they actually listened. and asked me questions that i never thought of. gave me observations that never even crossed my mind.

i learnt that it is actually okay for friends to be there for you, like TRULY. i dont even remember when was the last time i cried to my friends back in sg when something happened to me and i needed people to be there for me. this is the first time that i feel its okay to cry, and it doesnt feel like my friends wont know what to do or navigate things awkwardly. i realised that, for the first time in my life, that it sucks to keep things bottled up for the fear of burdening others. and in that, some of my friendships with other peopple have turned for the better too.

i am no longer okay with having my friendships consist of just shallow chats, funny inside jokes, or just reminiscing things in the past. yes, the past may have been great back then. but this is now. its ok to want and need more from people who matter to you, and i should not keep trying to repress them because i am worried they don’t know how to act around me when im become vulnerable.

it sucks because i’ve seen that happened. when i was distraught during the protests but all they could do was talk about other things to keep me distracted, when i broke up and all we did after saying what happened was play tetris. when i went back home for two weeks and i felt the disconnect when i hang out with them and all we did during the hotel in staycation was to watch vapid variety shows. it really sucks because i used to be okay with this for so many years, grateful even, for that i still have people to talk to and be distracted when im sad. but i dont want to always be distracted, i want to learn how to face myself and my feelings. and i want people to be there for me as i face it.

and that is what i did in these six months. i learnt how to embrace the void and emptiness i felt in me for so long. i read a book about what dying people wished they have learnt while they were living (courtesy of a sentimental house mate). and it really hit me like a ton of bricks. it forced me to confront a lot of uncomfortable feelings that i have not 100% processed. i had to put the book down a few times while i sob my eyes out because there were so many things related to forgiveness/patience/learning how to surrender to what life has to offer that i want to take hold of.

and i realised that it is not worth it if i let myself be resentful over a short-lasting relationship that didnt end well. i want to learn how to love authentically, to trust someone wholeheartedly again, to let go of the past. i still have so many years ahead in life, and i really feel like i will be shortchanged of my happiness if i just let myself be a depressed shit over things i cant control all the time. i refuse to let anyone or anything make feel bed bad for an extended period of time again.

knowing this fact, i accepted life for what it is. whatever this phase this is. and i am okay with it. i am at peace with myself after what seemed like a long time in battling out my emotions. and i told my close friends here about it. and they are happy for me. and i want to use my experiences to help other people if i can.

because i am not as alone as i make myself out to be. even when so many experiences have made me feel so so alone in the past.

another great thing is that i am taking a break from meeting new men and dating apps. and i feel fine with it. i still hope for the right one to come of course, but i learnt that its best not to rush things. and then feeling sad about it when you fantasize about the “right” one and them not turning out to be right lol. it actually sets the depresso higher.... and why put that expectation on strangers who dont care much for you?? right?

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17mounteens · 7 years ago

Text

Long-lasting (Chan)

Request:

hi! can i request a fluffy (even angsty if u want bc im a sucker for happy endings) chan scenario where ur childhood besties w/ chan, n u develop a crush on him that lasts all the way through primary n high school, even tho they actually kinda started drifting apart in high school. he doesnt even know abt the crush!! but they get to college n she thinks hes forgotten all about her, until they see each other again n u can think of the rest~ im just rly soft for best friend + college au's (cont)

» alcohol warning!!!! drink responsibly if you’re old enough 🙏 I hope this is at least something like you expected, and there is a fair share of angstier bits ;; 💕

» If you’re using the tumblr app and can’t see the scenario, which is under a “keep reading”, please try opening the post in your phone’s internet browser (or a computer)! 💕

» 6,006 words

Your first day of kindergarten had left such a deep impression on you that you could still remember it fairly clearly. You had been almost three, and watching your mother leave had made you cry, which wasn’t exactly rare to happen there. You had stayed by the window for a long time, crying and hoping your mother would come pick you up soon, no matter how much the adults tried to kindly tell you that she would come in the afternoon.

The tears only stopped when your shoulder was tapped and you had turned around to see a boy of your age, smiling brightly.

“Come play with me. My mom left, too, but she’ll come back. Come on.”

And that was how you had met Lee Chan, your future best friend.

None of the first mornings at the kindergarten were easy for you, but Chan made them a lot better by playing with you and making it apparent that he wanted to be your friend. Playing with him made you forget about how much you missed your mother, and because you were new and you got along with him, you wanted to be his friend, too.

Both of your parents picked up on your friendship soon, whether it was because you two were always playing together whenever they picked you up or because you talked so much about each other and how you were friends at home. It didn’t take long for you two to have regular play dates, and you also invited each other to your birthday parties, where you were tightly together, too.

Simply put, you became best friends rather soon and stuck side by side throughout kindergarten and preschool, and would do so for many years to come.

Somewhere during preschool, however, you were surprised to have your mother ask you something that would have you think about everything in a new light.

“So, darling… do you like Chan?”

She had been folding the laundry and sounded casual while asking that, and you turned to look at her in surprise, putting aside the simple children’s book you were reading here and there. “He’s my best friend, of course I like him.”

Your mother had turned to look at you meaningfully, a warm smile on her lips. “I meant as more than a friend. We’ve noticed the way you look at him, and we were just wondering…”

“Who’s we?” you asked, focusing on the less important part rather than the fact that apparently you had a specific way in which you looked at Chan. Had he noticed?

“Your father and I, Chan’s mother, the preschool teacher…” your mother hummed and laughed good-humoredly when you hid your face in the nearest pillow and groaned dramatically. Putting the laundry away, she sat next to you on the couch you were lying on and stroked your back. “Honey, it’s fine, crushes come and go. It’s completely fine.”

Yeah, crushes came and went, but yours stuck with you for the next thirteen years.

After that discussion, you began thinking about it more, and realized that you may or may not have had a small crush on Chan. It was all kinds of pure and innocent - you were only six, after all - but you decided already then that you would never let him know about it.

Your friendship was more important than a flimsy crush that would eventually go away.

…

Time passed, and you and Chan were happy to be in the same class when you entered primary school. The teacher soon figured that you two should not sit next to each other unless they wanted to have you chatting throughout every lesson, but neither of you minded too much: you spent the breaks together, anyway.

As you grew older, you and Chan only got closer, although you also had your fights. Sometimes one of you would feel left out; sometimes he’d get upset after you beat him at a game; sometimes one of you just had a bad day, and sometimes there were simply misunderstandings that you solved fast and continued as though nothing had ever happened. None of the small quarrels tore you apart from each other, and instead brought the two of you closer to one another.

Even your crush on him got stronger as time passed, which wasn’t necessarily what you wanted to happen. You thought he was really cute and cool, and loved seeing him dance as he picked up interest in it. Whenever he was sick, you worried about him, and would help him with schoolwork if he wasn’t fully on track. Naturally he was also incredibly kind to you, being a good-hearted boy who thought of you as one of the most important people in his life, and it made you happy. He never left a favor unreturned, and took similar care of you as you did of him.

Still too pure to think too deep into it, you simply enjoyed the hugs you got from him and gave him, as much as they made you feel butterflies yet were simply an act of friendship to him.

It wasn’t until you entered middle school that you realized that especially with your feelings growing stronger, the one-sided nature of them would eventually hurt you: Chan was starting to get interested in people in a romantic way, and when he first whispered to you that he had a crush on someone, your heart jumped to your throat, only to sink back down when Chan told you who it was on. Naturally, you though, it was not on you.

“That’s nice,” you told him, forcing a smile to your face, and held back a deep sigh when the object of his crush walked past the two of you and you had to witness the smitten look on his face.

“It feels so nice,” Chan sighed dreamily, a serene smile on his face, and turned to you with a wide smile. “I hope you find someone you like soon, too.”

“Sure,” you managed to say despite your heart hurting and wanting to tell him that you had already liked him for seven years.

He tilted his head a little at your ingenuine tone and expression, but was soon distracted by the teacher entering the class. “I’ll talk to you again after the lesson.”

You only nodded, sighing when Chan left to his own seat, and looked at your notebook absentmindedly. Now that you knew who he liked, you couldn’t help but pay attention to how much he looked at them, and you could only wish he would look at you with such a warm, adoring gaze.

In all honesty you had known it was bound to happen sooner or later - with how many confessions he had gotten, you thought it impossible for him to not like someone eventually. For the sake of your own heart, you just hoped that he wouldn’t start dating before you got over your silly little crush.

You got your share of confessions, too, and after turning down one, you had Chan running to you. You were in ninth grade, practically counting days until the summer holidays, after which you’d enter high school.

“Why did you turn him down? He really likes you, and he’s not too bad, either, is he?” he asked, genuinely curious, and got his arm around your shoulders, which made your heart flutter.

“It’s too early to start dating,” you mumbled, avoiding Chan’s gaze, and sighed. “And besides, I like someone else.”

“He must be a lucky guy,” Chan smiled widely and squeezed your shoulder lightly. “You need to tell me who he is sometime.”

“We’ll see,” you said with a small smile, although your heart felt heavy. Even after all those years, you still weren’t ready to tell him - not when you had regular sleepovers and knew practically all of each other’s secrets. It was all too precious to be ruined: by the age of fifteen, you had some knowledge on the possible outcomes of confessing to your friend, and you didn’t want to take chances.

By the time you finally entered high school, you were officially smitten for Chan. Your cheeks would heat up in his presence a lot, and you were getting more and more conscious over the fact that he was attractive and that you really wanted to kiss him.

He had yet to notice anything, and by then you were in too deep to say anything about your crush, either, and instead swallowed any and all bitter feelings inside of you when he found a girl he liked, then loved, and eventually started dating.

Up until then you had been inseparably close, and even when he started dating the girl, you remained fairly close, although you could also feel him growing more distant as he began spending more time with her and less with you, which you also partially blamed on yourself. With the bitter emotions storming inside of you, there had been a few occasions where you had let jealousy have the best of you and had given him a bit of a cold shoulder, which you regretted.

It all lasted for a few months, during which you had gotten closer with your friends in one of the after school clubs you took part in, until one afternoon you saw Chan waiting at the door of the classroom your club was in. Frowning, you grabbed your bag and walked to the door.

“What’s up?” you asked in concern as the two of you began walking home, and Chan remained oddly quiet.

“She broke up with me,” he then said, his eyes aimed at the ground. Your heart dropped at the sight and knowledge, and you pouted a little as Chan sighed, a small, sad smile on his face.

“You’ll be fine,” you said and got your arm around his shoulders, holding him close to you. “You’re so sweet and kind and so cool when you dance; I’m sure there’ll be someone else.”

Sighing, Chan nodded. “I hope you’re right.”

For a few months you got closer again as you helped him mend his broken heart, but eventually, especially during the second year of high school, the two of you began truly drifting apart.

Chan got more active in the dance club, which took a lot of his time, as well as got much closer to the people in it. Adding a new girlfriend to that, there wasn’t too much time for you, although both of you tried to stay close for as long as you could. However, once you started spending more and more time with your other friends, too, it started to feel natural to talk less and less.

For some time you two would still text regularly and talk at school every now and then, but gradually throughout the school year, the two of you went from best friends to near strangers. You were in different classes for your last year of high school, and hardly talked at all during it.

By the summer you hardly even greeted each other, and it tore your heart apart just as much as it did to see him kiss his girlfriend at your graduation with the brightest smile on his face.

Your parents had also taken note of him not coming over, as opposed to him coming over at least once a week for whatever reason, and you had told them with a pained expression that you two weren’t talking anymore.

That summer, both your parents and friends made sure you had a great time, and you found yourself hardly even thinking about Chan with all the trips you went on and great things you did with your friends.

You could only hope college would be good to you, too.

…

Unfortunately you were painfully aware about the fact that Chan would be going to the same college as you, but you found solace in thinking that he’d probably have forgotten about you, as well as the fact that the college had so many students that bumping into him out of all people seemed unlikely.

Once you had first gotten to campus, you got settled in your room, which you were fortunate enough to share with someone you clicked with fairly well, and sighed as you looked out of your window. Your roommate tilted their head.

“Something on your mind?” they asked and got their counterpane out of one of their boxes so that they could put it on their bed.

You pouted a little and turned to look at your roommate. “Just… it’s not too likely to meet someone from your past when there’s so many of us here, right?”

They raised their eyebrows before shrugging with a small smile. “I want to say it isn’t, but the universe has twisted ways.”

“That’s true,” you sighed, slumping your shoulders as you sat down on your bed. “I just want to have a peaceful freshman year.”

Your roommate snorted, at which you pouted.

“Good luck with that.”

Not much later, you were called out for the beginning of orientation, and you decided to stick together at first, although you both had some of your friends from high school join you rather soon. There were a few quicker informative lectures about the college, how it worked and so on, and a few hours later you were more than ready to retreat back to your room with some pamphlets and flyers in your arms.

“Is there still something?” you asked with a sigh, and one of your high school friends hummed as they looked at the timetable.

“A lecture on student services, I think,” they said, and you held back a groan.

Before you were able to say anything else, you heard your name be called.

“Y/N?”

Chills ran down your spine as your feet stopped moving, and your friends turned to look at you in surprise. Slowly, you turned to look at the direction where the familiar voice came from, although it was lower than you remembered.

And there he was: Lee Chan, looking confused and wearing a pair of round glasses that made him all the more adorable.

“Chan..?” you asked with a tilt of your head, frowning, and felt your heart jump to your throat when he melted into a wide smile that left no room for misunderstanding: it was Chan. Turning to your friends, you smiled a little. “I’ll come soon. Save me a seat, okay?”

With that, you walked to Chan, all kinds of emotions storming inside of you: disappointment over how things had gone between the two of you, surprise to see him on the very first day of orientation, happiness over seeing him after a long time, and… something warm in your chest over how lovely his smile still was.

“I saw you were going to enroll here, but I didn’t expect to see you, at least so soon,” Chan said brightly, and you nodded with a small, awkward smile on your face.

“Me neither,” you noted and took a deep breath. “So… how are you and Minkyung?”

His face fell momentarily, but the smile reappeared on his face soon. “Ah, we broke up over the summer. It wasn’t working.”

“I see,” you nodded, trying to ignore the way your heart seemed to flutter with some dumb hope.

“What about you? Anything new?” Chan inquired, and you wished you had something interesting to tell him, such as having a hot boyfriend or having done something cool over the summer or just anything.

And yet. “Nothing, really. Same old, same old.”

Chan smiled at you. “Well, now that we’re in college I’m sure there’ll be something. And also… do you want to catch up sometime? Like, properly, over coffee or something?”

“Uh, sure,” you said, slightly dumbfounded as to where it was all coming from, and got a bright smile from him.

“I think we need to go now, but I’ll message you about it later,” he stated and you could only nod as you then began walking to the auditorium your next lecture would be in. Chan stole glances at you, worrying his lower lip between his teeth; he was next to his childhood friend who was once his best friend, yet you now felt like a stranger, and he blamed it on himself. “So… did you have a nice summer?”

“I did, actually,” you said, your smile becoming more genuine and happy as you recalled all the great memories you had made during the few months you had had free. “I travelled quite a bit, and just… did a lot of things, you know.”

“I think I saw some of the photos, yeah,” Chan hummed and gave you a warm smile. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

“I hope you did, too,” you said right when you reached the auditorium door, which was where you parted your ways as Chan left to look for people he knew and you located your friends, too.

Your roommate nudged you as soon as you had sat down next to them. “Was that the someone from the past?”

“Yeah,” you whispered, trying to calm down your rapidly beating heart.

“Is he your ex or something?” they asked, and you nearly choked on your spit.

“God, no. We… used to be best friends and I used to like him for a long time, it’s a long story,” you mumbled and let out a deep sigh. Your roommate nodded in understanding, and before the person at the very front of the auditorium began talking, told you that they’d be willing to listen if you ever wanted to talk about it.

A few hours later you were finally back to your room, and upon checking your phone, noticed a message from Chan where he asked you if you wanted to grab coffee the next day. Although skeptical, you found yourself agreeing, and so the next day you made your way to one of the cafés on campus, spotting Chan by the door of it.

“Good to see you,” he smiled when he spotted you, and you smiled once you finally reached him.

“Yeah,” you said with a nod, and without further ado suggested that you enter the café.

The two of you looked at the menu carefully, and Chan asked you what you were getting. When you answered, he chuckled and looked at you brightly. “Some things don’t change. I remember you getting that pretty much all the time.”

“Why change the order when you’ve found something you like,” you said with a soft chuckle, and Chan agreed. Much to your amusement he ordered his old favorite, too, and soon you were both seated by one of the window tables.

Meeting up with him was just as awkward as you had feared it would be, yet also oddly comfortable. While you hadn’t talked in almost a year, it felt like hardly any time had passed since you last spoke. It was weird and it made you both happy and sad, knowing that you had missed almost a year of time with him.

Almost a year without your best friend.

You caught up pretty extensively and talked about your shared memories, all of which made you feel nostalgic, and for a moment it felt like you were with the 3-year-old you had once become friends with - only, you were both 16 years older.

A few hours later, the two of you walked back to your dorms, talking cheerfully as you did so. When you reached your dorm, Chan turned to you.

“I know I kinda… blew it in high school, but would you like to start seeing more again?” he asked, seemingly hopeful yet nervous about your reply. The next words he practically blurted out. “I really miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” you mumbled, hardly able to keep a pout off your face, and without thinking about it too much - thinking about your feelings too much - you nodded. “I think it’d be nice to reconnect.”

Even if it meant awakening the warm feelings that were already starting to arise in your chest whenever you saw him smile.

“Great,” Chan grinned at you, and gave you a friendly hug. “Well, I’ll see you around, then.”

“Yeah, see you,” you smiled and watched him leave as he continued walking down the road until he reached his dorm. Sighing, you entered yours and made your way to your room, thinking about the decision you had just made.

All you could do was hope you wouldn’t regret it.

After that you and Chan saw each other regularly, regaining the close friendship you once shared, little by little. You were a bit worried to realize that with that, all the adoration and love you felt for him were brought back, too, but you didn’t know how to stop it, and finding someone else didn’t feel right, either, as much as your roommate promised to work as some sort of a matchmaker for you.

No, you’d figure it out yourself eventually.

Time passed, and towards the end of the first semester you and Chan were more or less best friends again, although you were still trying to mend what had been lost and broken between the two of you. You spent a lot of time together and supported each other during whatever slumps occurred, and also went to most of the events and parties together, sometimes with one or two other friends, too.

It made you smile how you got to see him in such new situations: falling asleep on his book in the library, witnessing him dancing wildly at a party after one too many drinks, sneaking him to your dorm room after he had gotten locked out of his own for a reason you weren’t sure you even wanted to know… you treasured every bit of it, and Chan felt the same way about you.

Shortly put, you were both more than happy to be back in each other’s lives.

As the spring semester came near, Chan invited you to yet another party, which felt particularly tempting due to how annoyingly strong your crush on him was getting once again. Sleeping had gotten difficult because you thought about him so much, and you found yourself thinking about him more and more, too, and not completely platonically, either. With how much you wanted to do all kinds of romantic things with him and have him treasure you, you concluded that you were in need of a drink and letting loose; you were in need of forgetting, if only for one night.

As per usual, the two of you went to the party together, and Chan raised his eyebrows when you went directly to the drinks.

“Planning to get wasted today?” he asked jokingly when you poured a drink for yourself, and you nodded determinedly once you raised the cup to your lips.

“Damn straight,” you said with a smile, not in the least correcting Chan when he assumed that the reason lied in the nearing new semester, which only knew stress, deadlines and lacking sleep.

“Good thing you have me taking care of you,” he chuckled and got himself a drink, too and you agreed with him.

Much to your joy the party was incredibly pleasant. You had a good time and were actually able to forget about your feelings for Chan for a moment, and you found out that the party wasn’t too bad even when you were separated from him for a while. You talked with people you hadn’t spoken with before, danced a little and all that, all the while Chan talked with some people, too, while making sure you were okay and not getting into any kind of trouble.

Some hours into the party, Chan blinked in surprise when you suddenly got your arm around his shoulders and leaned against him, your breath smelling faintly of the alcohol you still had in your cup as well as in your body. A smile spread to his lips, and he got his arm around you, too, providing you support. “What’s up?”

“I have to tell you something,” you began with a giggle that he could tell was more hollow than it was meant to be. He raised his eyebrows, and you grinned at him, although it didn’t reach your eyes. “It’s a funny story, really.”

“What is it?” he asked, one of his eyebrows quirked, completely unaware of what you were about to say.

You let out a deep sigh, your face falling a little at that. “I used to have a huge crush on you for a loooong time, you know?”

Chan’s eyes widened and his lips parted in surprise, and he was unable to say anything as his heart jumped to his throat.

“You never noticed it… Maybe I hid it so well? It was funny, honestly… Being your best friend when I just really… loved you,” you said, your words sounding a bit messy, and Chan listened intently, his expression darkening a little when you went on. “All the girls you dated… your broken heart that I had to help you heal…”

“Y/N, stop,” Chan managed to say at last and pulled you a bit closer to him so that he could hug you with one arm. You sighed again, closing your eyes and leaning into him, hardly remembering the cup in your hand.

“You’ve still got such a warm hug,” you sighed, breathing in his scent, and there was something in the situation added to the alcohol in your blood that made you emotional. Sniffling, you took a hold of the back of Chan’s sweater. “...I want to go home.”

As much as he was enjoying the party, his heart was hurting seeing you like that, especially after hearing what you had said, so he nodded without hesitation. “Let’s go.”

Chan walked you to your dorm room and made sure you got to bed well, but when he was about to leave, you took his hand into yours.

“Don’t leave me again,” you mumbled, your eyes already closed, and Chan pouted a little, rubbing the back of your hand gently.

“Do you want me to stay over?” he asked, and you let out a noise he could only take as a positive answer, especially when it was joined with a nod from you.

You let go of his hand and got into a comfortable position under your blanket, and soon you had him lying down next to you, keeping a safe space between the two of you. Chan sighed as he looked at you, a put on his face, and stroked your arm slowly through the blanket you had over yourself.

“I’ve made you go through a lot, haven’t I?” he asked rhetorically, his voice small, and smiled a little with a sad hint to it. “I’ll try to make up for it. I’m sorry.”

The next morning you, much to your own surprise, woke up with Chan by your side. You frowned, trying to remember what had happened the previous night, but it was all so blurry and the headache was killing you, so all you could do was hope you hadn’t said or done anything dumb, although being in your own bed fully clothed gave you a lot of hope.

Somewhat able to scramble over Chan, you got out of bed and into the bathroom, taking note of the empty bed of your roommate’s on the way. Figuring that they’d gotten some other place to sleep at the night before, you instead focused on how the night had been for you while brushing your teeth and washing your face.

Clearly you had been with Chan the whole evening, which wasn’t much of a surprise since you were close again, but besides that it all was a blur. Only your gut feeling told you that there was a good reason for him to have slept next to you.

Even after you had freshened up a little, you remained seated on your toilet, trying to will your body to feel less nauseous while also avoiding having to talk with Chan, who you hoped was still sleeping.

Your hopes turned into dust when you could hear a knock on the bathroom door, followed by a low, groggy voice. “Y/N, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, just give me a second,” you rushed to answer, and you hated the way your heart was hammering in your chest. As if you weren’t feeling bad enough already.

“Okay,” Chan replied, after which you figured he left the door.

Sighing, you massaged your temples. Whether it was the hangover or just a general arising of old emotions, you suddenly felt as much like a mess as you had in high school when you were trying to deal with the unrequited feelings you held for the boy that was now sitting on your bed.

“I’m stronger now,” you mumbled to yourself and finally stood up and got out of the bathroom, building up your courage so that you could look at Chan and actually talk with him.

He smiled up at you, his hair a bit of a mess. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” you mumbled with a small smile, too, and leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door. Clearing your throat, you began fiddling with the hem of the shirt you were wearing. “So… what happened last night?”

You could see Chan’s expression change for a moment before he sighed and gave you a soft yet sad smile. “You kind of… opened up, I guess.”

Feeling your eyes widen, you then winced and covered your face with your hand. “About..?”

Chan pouted and stood up so that he could walk to you. “About you, me, us… I had no idea you liked me.”

Your heart felt like it could’ve burst out of anxiety, and breathing felt challenging, too. Chan looked at you in concern and slowly placed his hands on your shoulders, only pulling you into a hug when you didn’t show a sign of not wanting it.

“It’s really nothing,” you mumbled, clinging onto Chan as you hid your face in his shoulder. Tears were stinging in your eyes, and a part of you hated just how comforting his hug was, even as you braced yourself for yet another rejection, this time a direct one.

“It’s not nothing,” Chan said, audibly pouting, and stroked your back soothingly. “I could tell you’ve been hurting, you know. And I’m sorry. For that, and for letting us drift apart, and…”

“It takes two to drift apart,” you reminded him with a sniffle, and got a quiet hum from him.

“I guess. I just… I never wanted to hurt you,” he whispered, holding you close as he sighed. “I’m sorry for being blind.”

Holding the back of his sweater in your fists, you shook your head. “It’s fine, I was doing my best to hide it anyway… I played myself.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Chan said quietly, and you slowly lifted your face, looking at him with a small frown, your eyes glistening with tears. He gave you a small, sad smile and dried some of the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. “I’ve been blind to my own feelings.”

Unable to say anything, all you could do was stare into his eyes as you tried to figure out if he was saying what you thought he was saying, and you could hear your heartbeat.

Melting into a wide smile, Chan caressed your cheeks. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently, Y/N, and I think I…”

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it,” you whispered, your eyes watering with fresh tears, and Chan shook his head, his eyes glistening a little, too.

“...like you. I like you.”

His voice was so steady and his gaze was so warm that your knees nearly gave in, and you weren’t sure if you still believed your ears.

Lee Chan, who you had liked since preschool, liked you?

A smile spread to your lips as you sniffled and placed your hands on top of his on your cheeks. “Really? Even though I’m… me? Despite all the unflattering situations you’ve seen me in?”

“Because you’re you,” Chan laughed, the grin on his face widening at your latter remark. “Besides, most of those unflattering situations were in kindergarten.”

“My point exactly,” you choked out and let out a quiet laugh. “We’ve known each other for so long, it’s crazy.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m crazy about you,” Chan blurted out and blushed a little. “I mean--”

“Smooth,” you smiled at him, and Chan held back a groan before looking into your eyes shyly, lowering his hands from your cheeks and taking your hands into his.

“How do you feel about me now, though?” he asked quietly, biting on his lower lip as he waited for your reply.

“Right now you’re not helping my hangover, but,” you began, taking a break as you grinned widely, “I still like you, you dummy.”

Chan let out a sigh of relief and hugged you tightly, only to pull back soon afterwards. “You’re hungover?”

“Yep,” you nodded with a meek smile, and got a chuckle from Chan.

“Get in bed, I’ll go grab us something to eat and be right back.”

You did just that and watched him curiously as he put his jacket on and turned to look at you with a bright smile on his face before leaving your room.

There was comfort in the knowledge that he would be back, and once he did return, the two of you ate eagerly, after which you talked a little about how you felt about each other and how you would continue.

Little by little your relationship grew more romantic in nature - neither of you rushed anything, and instead let it all happen naturally as days passed. You’d start holding hands, hug more, cuddle…

And, a few weeks later, you shared your first kiss, which was everything yet nothing like you had imagined, but only in a good way.

You had been on your bed, you with one of your coursebooks on your lap and Chan was playing a video game on his portable console, and after finishing another stage, he had turned to you, about to ask something. You had turned to him at the same time, and your lips brushed against each other’s, which made your eyes widen.

Melting into a smile, you had then placed your hand on his leg and given him a proper kiss, to which he replied with a similar wide, happy smile, cupping your cheek with his hand.

Slowly, you pulled back, the brightest smile on your face. “So, what were you about to say?”

“I forgot,” Chan snorted, and you gave him a gentle nudge, at which he laughed.

Whatever he was about to ask you never came back to him, but instead you shared a few more light kisses before attempting to focus on what you were doing again, which proved out to be impossible to the point where you ushered Chan out of your room, laughing.

“I’ll leave with one condition,” he said with a laugh when he was standing in the hallway and you were by your door.

Quirking your eyebrow knowingly, you grinned. “One more kiss?”

“Exactly,” Chan smiled and pulled you in for a kiss that nearly had you melting and reconsidering your decision to study rather than spend time with him - only the importance of the course helped you remain strong.

Meanwhile, Chan left with a grin on his face, and once you returned to your bed, you were met with two messages showing on your phone screen.

14:02 I could tell you wanted me to stay. Study well, I won’t kiss you again unless your exam goes well! 14:03 ...We both know that’s a lie, but I still want you to do well! I love you 💕

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