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infernaleikon · 1 year ago

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okay, i know the new girl au is already set but im watching the episode where jess makes out with schmidt’s dad and now i’m thinking

anakin’s roommate is getting married or is an event planner or something, and they can’t go to the winery because of scheduling conflicts or because they’re sick or whatever. so they reluctantly send anakin. anakin has no clue about wine, he usually goes for whatever is cheapest at the store (which most of the time is absolutely horrible and tongue-melting) but it’s fine. the wine is already picked out, so anakin only has to pick it up. nothing can go wrong, right?

right.

anakin arrives at the winery and walks around the showroom waiting for staff to show up, and mutters about pretentious rich people and their unreasonably expensive wine. he’s convinced that it can’t be better than the wines he usually drinks. come on, they squeeze grapes, it’s all the same. he doesn’t get why his roommate doesn’t just buy from the store, it would save them so much money.

he’s eyeing an horrendously overpriced bottle of chianti and huffs about how it probably tastes worse than the one he buys at target or wherever.

“oh, i can attest to the fact that it tastes much, much better,” an amused voice behind him says, and anakin almost jumps.

he whirls around and comes face to face with the hottest man he has ever seen. anakin doesn’t even know where to look first: the crinkles at the corner of his eyes, the gray at his temples that streaks into his hair, the impeccably groomed beared, the glinting blue eyes or his broad chest and shoulders. anakin wants to climb him, wants to rub his skin raw on that beard, wants to be pressed up tight against that hunky DILF.

“it’s just grape juice,” anakin argues, because he’s an idiot and can’t help himself.

the stranger’s eyebrow jumps up with so much judgment that it’s tangible, there’s disbelief streaking across his face and the corner of his mouth twitches. he looks like he’s may be debating squeezing anakin like a grape as well. but very unsexily.

“join me for a drink?” he asks instead and he sounds mild, the crisp accent slightly lilting. “if you think it’s worse after still, i’ll personally buy and deliver a full case of store wine of your choice to you.”

and anakin’s not one to pass up the opportunity to have a drink with a hot stranger, especially not when he’s inviting him AND there’s the prospect of seeing him again, at home no less.

“can i join you and watch when you go buy me that case?” anakin asks.

“please, i insist you do,” the stranger answers, and there’s mischief in his eyes. a wry smile curls his lips. “and what do i get once you realize that you can never go back to drinking whatever bottle—”

“carton,” anakin interjects, mostly to be a shit, but there are some great wines that come in a carton.

the DILF stares at him as if he’s debating plain murder, but then he sighs, very deeply, and smiles in a way that seems like he’s barely holding it together. “so, what do i get?”

“uh.” anakin can’t think of anything that he could offer this beautiful man that he could possibly want. “i’ll get rid of all the cartoned wine i have at home?”

the strangers lips twitch. “under my observation?”

anakin almost chokes on air. “yeah,” he says, and it comes out embarrassingly breathy.

the DILF smiles and something about it looks almost...dangerous. anakin’s heartbeat takes up several notches.

the stranger takes the bottle of wine that anakin had been looking at and moves over to one of the small standing tables around the room. “i’m obi-wan,” he introduces himself as he goes to grab two bulbous glasses. after uncorking the bottle, he holds up the stem to his nose, inhaling the scent with his eyes closed. anakin wants to lick him all over.

“anakin,” he croaks, and when obi-wan looks up at him, he’s smiling, eyes crinkling at the corners.

“nice to meet you, anakin.”

anakin very nearly whimpers.

turns out, the wine does taste way better than whatever swill anakin has been drinking up until now. it doesn’t burn on its way down, there’s actual flavor to it and it doesn’t leave a weird aftertaste on his tongue.

it also turns out that obi-wan is very fine with making out with anakin for convincing him of the superiority of the wine. anakin lips are numb by the time they’re done and he may or may not have forgotten his own name and he saw through space and time when obi-wan kissed so good nobody will ever live up to it.

it also turns out that obi-wan is his roommate’s dad and anakin’s roommate retches when they find out that anakin very thoroughly frenched his father.

anakin, once he starts dating obi-wan for real, turns into the worst wine snob that has ever lived.

#obikin #the brainrot is real guys #mmmmhhhhhhh 😌#i failed to mention that the winery and the attached vineyard belong to obi-wan obviously

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platonic-qpr-selfshipping · 1 year ago

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Safeshiptember Day 2: Masquerade

Title: The night the Deer wished for a kiss from the Sun

Characters: Claude von Riegan, Helios (S/I)

Words: 1.9k

AO3 link: hehe I'm the link

Summary:

The mission was simple: if your possible future enemies invited you to a masquerade, you shall not go alone and only try your best at making it a useful night. War would start at any moment, that was a fact the monastery had witnessed already. So with perfect masks and Claude's plan, both Helios and him would play the nobles' game to try get some secret cards for the Golder Deer.

Without, of course, getting too caught up in intense feelings, right...?

“Are you sure you don’t want to choose someone else for this?” Helios asked, a bit hesitant to follow the plan. Yes, maybe wearing a suit was a rare yet gratifying sight but, to a masquerade full of nobles in disguise? That certainly sounded a bit too out of reach for someone who had grown up in the forests of Ordelia territory. Still, as they always did with their mischievous leader, they trusted his decisions. And they really wanted to continue doing so, but seeing Claude approaching them with a special mask made for the occasion… Oh, feeling out of place never seemed so probable. “Lorenz knows more about ballroom dancing, doesn’t he?”

“Do you want me to risk being scolded during the whole masquerade?” Claude joked and chuckled at his own words. He was wearing a gold deer mask already, its prominent horns reminding Helios of the strongest trees. “You are my greatest option, trust me. Plus, it’ll be fun,” he winked under his elegant disguise. “Let me help you with this.”

Helios only nodded. They had noticed the yellow mask Claude was holding so they waited in silence for him to do as he planned. When he got close enough, his fingers hid Helios’ long bangs behind their ears, right where the pink part of their darkish short hair started. And he gifted himself some time there; fixing some hairs that didn’t need to be fixed, quietly putting the mask in its place as if the littlest bit of rush could make the object break apart. It’s not like Helios noticed how he used it as an excuse to stand closer either way: they were too absorbed analyzing Claude’s clothing to even consider it.

Compared to their suit, Claude’s formal attire didn’t even seem from Fódlan. Did he secretly change it and didn’t wish for Lorenz to go because of that? The differences between their jackets, his thicker belt around his waist…

Well, it’s not like Helios knew much about nobility etiquette and stuff like that. Perhaps what they would call gracious would be a crime against fashion in Hilda’s eyes. With that thought in mind, they refrained from speaking a word about it and only then noticed the weight of the mask covering their features.

“How is it?” As soon as Helios asked, Caude’s hands went back to himself in a swift movement. “To be honest, I didn’t even check what the mask is of.”

Claude gladly answered with a gesture. He held their shoulders to turn Helios around, who had to blink twice at the new view. Out of the blue, only a deer and a sun existed in that room of light candles. Night was already embracing them, yet the sun design of Helios’ mask looked as bright as the star itself. Especially in Claude’s eyes.

Helios’ mouth opened in surprise. Maybe it was then, seeing their reflections on that mirror, that they realized Claude really wanted them for this mission. And Helios would do anything for their leader’s decisions.

“See? It’s perfect for you,” he spoke, his warm hands still holding Helios. However, their eyes went somewhere else for a second. They couldn’t afford to fluster when they needed to focus on the plan ahead.

“Aren’t we supposed to hide under these, though? Why did you choose a golden deer mask? That’s quite….”

“Obvious?” he guessed the word, at which Helios hummed in affirmation. “That’s what they’ll also think. And sometimes, my dear Sun, becoming an easy target can be the crucial step to get the information we need.”

The unexpected nickname had an effect on Helios’ heartbeat. No, it was both that and the reflection on the mirror. Claude had gotten closer and closer as he spoke, his head menacing to rest on theirs now. They could follow the silhouette of his curls behind the mask and those green eyes that could shine though any ornament. A sigh escaped from their lips before Claude’s voice filled their heart with determination once more:

“Let’s go, Helios.”

Garreg Mach was as destroyed as ever. That may not have been the most accurate description as it came from someone who had barely spent two months there, but Claude could agree on it. The prediction of an inexorable war was written all over its broken windows and falling walls. Nevertheless, even in the middle of the political and material chaos, nobles had decided to hold a masquerade in the center of Fódlan. As if it were a goodbye letter to peace, a last opportunity to see others before circumstances obliged you to finish them off in the battlefield. Helios would never understand them, but they were smart enough to play along.

When the ballroom opened in front of them, Helios unconsciously straightened their back. By their side, Claude gave a quick look to everyone around them before deciding where to head first. There were quite a lot of guests, yet very few of them had chosen to leave their guards down and enjoy the music in what could be considered the dance floor. Helios followed Claude’s fast steps towards one of the tables. The food displayed on it seemed to have caught his attention, but just a moment later he was found analyzing the space again. There were masks Helios couldn’t decipher, just like Claude’s intentions.

They nudged him and Claude couldn’t help but smile when he saw the arm he was being offered.

“What? Want me all for yourself?” he whispered, his lips teasing in a smirk.

“I just don’t want you to disappear on me.”

“Even in the rare situation that something were to happen, I’m strong to get through it, you know?”

“Yeah, and we were asked to come unarmed while witnessing the start of a war with strangers whose skirts can hide plenty of dagues,” Helios replied, gazing upon the small groups of two or three people around the room. Everyone avoided being alone. “I have my reasons to worry, Deer.”

That sole argument seemed to have been enough: Claude’s mouth was shut once more. However, right when the musicians started to play a new song, he pulled his companion’s arm to bring them to the dance floor.

“Those blue and grey masks,” he pointed out in a whisper, declaring the action had just started.

The person behind the grey mask was taller than their dance partner. Although both face masks looked pretty bland, the blue one had some splashes of paint that could try to simulate explosions. Their sudden presence on the dance floor could have been a warning. When Claude held Helios’ hand to guide their steps, they returned the gesture by holding his a bit tighter.

They had talked about this phase before: prying could be considered one of Claude’s strong points while Helios’ main focus would be to maintain safety and not to attract too much attention. An enviable duo, but others would have their own strategies, too. They had barely looked at each other when the targets started to walk towards one of the balconies.

No words were needed to adapt to this. Helios was suddenly going along with the spins Claude began as they slowly stepped out of the dance floor. While he guided them, Helios kept staring at the floor in an attempt to make sure they wouldn’t mess things up at this point. That’s why they didn’t see it coming when Claude pinned them against a wall.

“Clau–”

“Shh,” he hushed, eyes looking behind them. The access to the balcony was by their left, but he could also see those two dancers through the window by their right. Not Helios, though. Their peripheral vision was blocked by Claude’s arm. He hoped the broken glass of that huge window would help him get the gist of the others’ conversation.

So Helios just stayed there. Quietly, standing as calm as they could with Claude’s arm brushing their cheek and the shadow of his mask’s horns crowning their head.

They swallowed saliva. The mission had not ended yet.

Thus they tried to focus on their security again. That was Helios’ main priority, after all. All their attention went to other people’s gazes and movements, leaving none for whatever the targets were up to. They trusted Claude to take care of that.

Even though the only candelabra lamp light’s didn’t reach them as well in comparison to the rest of the ballroom, two figures suddenly put their attention on them and started to walk their way. Caude’s chin was up as the gears in his brain worked to confirm his hypothesis. Helios had to act quickly and on their own.

Without giving it a second thought, they grabbed Claude by the waist and pulled him towards them with one hand. They heard a low gasp coming from him as they pried over his shoulder. The possible intruders had decided to walk somewhere else and Claude’s warmth was so, so close.

Minutes went by and Helios did not loosen their grip.

“Claude? Did you find out anything useful?” they softly whispered, still in place. No answer was heard. They waited a bit in case the targets’ conversation was still going. “Claude…?” they repeated after a moment of silence, lowering even more the volume of their voice.

Still no answer. So Helios decided to move back a little, the little they could in that position between the wall and their leader's body. When they looked up at Claude, they found his green eyes staring back at them. He quickly looked back to the balcony, yet Helios stared a bit longer with confusion on their face. Both golden deers’ cheeks were getting warmer.

“Yes, uhm,” Claude rushed to speak again. “I don’t think the Kingdom will refuse to cooperate with us. Sounds like I can make a good use of some of their interests to convince them to work towards a common goal.”

“Good.” Interpreting those words as the mission ending, their hand left Claude’s waist and their shoulders relaxed a bit. However, he did not move an inch. He actually complained on the spot.

“Don’t–”, his voice went down when he continued. “Don’t let go just yet…”

“Huh?” the sound left Helios’ mouth in a breathe. And their hand, guided more by their heart than by their brain, slowly went its way up to Claude’s waist once more. They started to doubt if they had heard correctly. Was it, for some reason, another decision for the greater good of the whole masquerade plan? Or was it something he longed for behind the mission’s facade?

The feeling of Claude’s head on theirs dissipated Helios’ questions. The Sun bearer heard him sigh as his body melted a little on top of theirs. His big mask seemed to be no obstacle when he wanted to rest like that so badly.

“Are… Are you feeling alright?” they genuinely asked, trying their best to contain the fluttering feeling that refused to go away.

“Yes, I am.” Claude could feel words piling up in his throat until none of them could get out of that cave. Just as if there was no space for all those feelings inside of him, because they could not escape from his head and much less from his mouth. Music was still playing but his thoughts couldn’t dance to it right now. There was only one sentence his labyrinth of a heart managed to get out: “I’ve never been better.”

#aAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YOU CANT IMAGINE HOW EMBARRASSED I AM OF THIS ONE #but I have enjoyed this so much #f/o community #self ship community #self shipping #self ship #f/o #selfship #all i write is about you #safeshiptember #safeshiptember 2023 #the brainrot is real guys #self shipping blog #self insert #words from me to you

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