#THAT I JUST OPERATE IN MY OWN WORLD

[softichill]

You put sans jevil and spamton in a room who makes it out alive?

PS: spamton does get [[Power Of Neo]]

(My own reasoning in the tags)

[skeppsbrott]

One of my favourite things Americans have come up with is the phrase "the great state of..." Like yeah if you gotta go through all that and have a country that's honestly not that much weirder in concept than the Vatican then yeah you absolutely should use that to talk about your home as "the great state of Ohio" to your heart's content ESPECIALLY when you're like. Talking about the home to the worlds largest ball of twine or whatever.

[trashlie]

ILY FP 220

CW for abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, etc. Sorry for the minor spoiler, but we’re digging into the way Yui has manipulated and abused Kousuke since he was young and that might be triggering to some readers. 

Whoo BOY! Idk about you guys but I loved this episode (I keep saying this every week lmao). Again, there’s so much confirmation of things I’ve been saying/believing, and I find it really funny that this arrived on the cusp of a related discussion I’ve been having lol. This time, I’m also going to link to some interesting posts/threads from the 220 discussion post on the reddit, because they are presented really well, and while I’ll talk about them in this post, I want to highlight the comments that have furthered my thoughts and commentary! The reddit discussion posts are really what helps me put my thoughts together!

I am a big fan of this comment and the subsequent replies between them and cheeselounge; good explanation of exactly how Yui’s manipulation/gas lighting/abuse works and why it maintains a compelling hold on Kousuke, as well as some good food for thought about black and white vs shades of grey, the ableism that runs rampant when people on a whole talk about Kousuke, and how harmful it is to view characters as 100% innocent or guilty. Also really fantastic points on the parallels of how Shinae, Nol, and Kousuke are shown waking in the hospital. Just an all around top tier comment!

This is my own comment lol but what is important is not the comment itself but the discussion in the replies. I’m not a medical person so everyone’s input on what it means for Yui to shut down Hansuke’s tests is invaluable to me lol. Someone also brought up blood type - and while I don’t think that’s something Hansuke would be testing, it does bring up interesting thoughts re: Kousuke’s parentage. 

So let’s get into it! 

I know it’s tacky to be an “I told you so!” person but this episode, besides making me feel incredibly unsettled and angry, absolutely made me feel I TOLD YOU SO! Yui is SO skilled at manipulation it’s like second nature to her. Every now and then I still see people defending Yui as loving Kousuke so much that the way she treats him can’t possibly be manipulation, and that you can’t prove it’s manipulation - and like. THAT’S THE THING LOL Textbook abuse is often met with people who don’t believe it because they’ve never seen it, because you’re being so dramatic, because it’s not big deal. That’s how abuse WORKS. The abuser is seen as someone who couldn’t possibly be abusing you, because they do so many nice things or they seem so lovely and they just don’t seem like an abuser~. That’s why it works!!!! Because they have created a reasonable cause of doubt. Because they make YOU look like the liar, like you’re dramatic, like you’re just making a big deal out of things that aren’t. 

Also, people can say they love you and still abuse you, still hurt you, still use you for their own gain. And Yui does just that. 

It’s been a source of great ire to me that so much of what Yui has done has been swept under an umbrella of “she just loves him so much of course she wants the best for him”. But it’s not about him, and we can see that now! Yui doesn’t respond to Kousuke with love or affection. She has NO CONCERN about what happened to him. In fact, even as Hansuke tries to argue in favor of running tests on Kousuke, Yui tries it on him. “He’s dramatic, you know that. I know him well, and I know he’s fine. You are making a big deal out of nothing. We don’t want to make him think something is wrong with him do we?” Hansuke is the only one showing concern for Kousuke. It’s not just about him hitting his head - it’s about the unresponsive state in which he found Kousuke. It’s that HE knows Kousuke and HE knows something happened, something set him off, and that he responded to it in a worrying way! 

Yui SHOULD be concerned about Kousuke. She should want to understand, she should worry that something is going on with him. Instead, she just tries to pretend it’s nothing, to sweep it under the rug, to hide it not just from everyone else but from HIMSELF. “We don’t want him to think something’s wrong with him, do we?” 

But it’s not just that, it’s the way she operates! For so long I’ve been trying to say that while Rand is very much responsible for his choices, I believe Yui absolutely has affected his relationship with Kousuke and encouraged/fostered the distance between them. If Kousuke ever got close to Rand, maybe he would have laid off, calmed down, felt that he’d reached his goal and now he didn’t have to run so hard. But as long as that goal is unmet, as long as Rand is distant from him, Kousuke would have to keep pushing until he reaches the top, just like she wants. 

It’s the way she took Rand’s real gift and threw it out and replaced it with some random cardigan that looks like it’s not up to Kousuke’s standards. “How sweet of him” so sweet that he doesn’t know what his son likes, right? So sweet that he just got you whatever and you’re supposed to like it. She’s further fostering that divide. Not only has Kousuke not reached Rand, but he looks like he doesn’t know anything about him, like he doesn’t even care. And that’s further supported by the reality of the night - Kousuke knows Rand is with Nol and while on some level he understands why (even he was concerned about Nol being hurt) eventually he might internalize it as “Father chose Nol over me.” 

How many times has Yui intervened? Swapped out gifts? Relayed the wrong information, just FORGOT to relay the right information. How convenient, that Rand was never around for Kousuke’s birthday because he had meetings elsewhere. How convenient, that Rand never knew when Kousuke’s recitals or EVEN GRADUATION were. I want to reiterate I think Rand deserves critique. He has made his choices, he could have reached out to Kousuke, could have inquired about when his events are. But also as we’ve extensively discussed, Yui absolutely has and continues to weaponize what Rand loves and cares about against him. She’s weaponized it against Kousuke in how she commodified the concept of love and Rand’s love. She’s done it to Nol. At some point, people give up. There’s only so much misery they can endure. It’s very likely that Rand made efforts, in the beginning. We’ve seen him talk to Kousuke before about how he doesn’t have to follow in his footsteps, that he’s allowed to be whatever he wants. We’ve seen him try to instill little life lessons in Kousuke, only for Yui to swoop in and contradict him. At some point a person is going to burn out, grow tired. It’s unfair to Kousuke, because as his father, Rand still has a duty to him. But he’s also a human and we can only take so much. 

Rand and Yui exist in a toxic relationship, and Rand has spent so much of that time in a state of misery. We’ve seen it in Nol, how at some point he thought maybe he should give up, maybe there’s no point in fighting, maybe he just needs to let it go. We’ve seen it in Shinhan, who was overwhelmed by stress and his job and schooling and didn’t have the time and energy to be a present father and at some point turned to alcohol for comfort even at the expense of their funds. 

People can only endure so much. That’s the tragedy of Rand and Kousuke - that Rand was eventually worn down to such an extent that he didn’t have it in him to keep trying, that he was sapped of everything, that it was used against him time and time again, and that in the end it hurts Kousuke. That there were two children involved and impacted by this and both have come to meet danger and harm. 

I have so many thoughts about Rand, and Rand and Yui, and I’ll have to save them for another post. I don’t want to absolve Rand of his crimes against his children, but I also think it’s important to consider the circumstances, because at the end of the day that’s why this is so tragic. It’s so real. Yui is not the first parent to ever pit her child against her spouse, she isn’t the first person to manipulate others in her life. It doesn’t absolve the other parent, but we have to acknowledge the circumstances, because I don’t believe this is the father Rand wanted to be. I think he wanted to have a relationship with his son, but that Yui made it a difficult task, and after some time, he gave up on it. 

Anyway that’s a whole sidebar lmao the point I REALLY wanted to make was: seeing Yui pull this, swap out the gift, replace it with something that is unsuited for Kousuke just further fosters that distance between Rand and Yui. And because Yui is the one who is here when Kousuke wakes up, it further perpetuates the belief that Kousuke is not good enough for Rand to care about him - especially given the circumstances in which Rand found Kousuke. 

Do we ever get to know what’s going on in Rand’s head? What did he think, when he found his sons out there in the snow? What did he think, when it looked like Kousuke was running away from Nol left bloodied and bleeding out in the snow? What did he think about this scene, after the phone call he had earlier that night with Kousuke and what he overhead. We still don’t know what Kousuke said the night he was drunk and left his father a voicemail, but we can deduce that it probably had to do with this - with his relationship with Nol and the hate and the jealousy and the fear and the desperate want to be loved, to be good enough? 

The blood is on his hands both metaphorically and physically. 

Something I want to stress is how grey I find this. Kousuke acted on Nol’s goading. If he hadn’t pushed Kousuke’s buttons, Kousuke would not have done it. Punching him as he was leaving the room was a fight or flight response - I don’t think it was his intention to knock him off the balcony - but I also think in that moment he didn’t feel guilt. Likewise, when Nol left the party, Kousuke chased after him, caught up in his fears and jealousy, the paranoia that stems from it. In so many ways, Kousuke does believe Nol is better than him. Nol’s ability to walk away and not fight back not just at the party, but even after he chased him, infuriated him, because he was goaded into chasing and attacking and yet Nol didn’t even choose to defend himself. Did he intentionally slam Nol like that knowing the glass shards would dig in and tear him up? Did he even register the glass?

What really strikes me is that when Kousuke realizes Nol is injured - badly - it doesn’t come across to me like he’s afraid of getting in trouble for it. He seems genuinely concerned that something has happened to Nol, that he’s bleeding. He wanted Nol to fight back, but I don’t think he wanted to HURT him like that? His reaction is so different from back at the party, where paranoia clouded logic and that flashback returned to him. I think yes, Kousuke wanted to hurt Nol, but I don’t think he wanted it to be like this?

Idk they’re complicated and it’s why I enjoy getting to see these kinds of scenes. 

But again, this is a tangent I didn’t mean to go on, but I think it’s important to state so that you guys understand how and why I interpret the scenes as I do. There is no one who is 100% guilty or innocent.

I definitely think we are meant to dig in to Yui’s actions and understand the manipulation and gaslighting that has gone on for the entirety of Kousuke’s life. That it isn’t solely about Nol, that even before him, she was doing this, that Kousuke as her son has always been a means to her self-serving goals and ambitions, that he was never a child to her but this extension of herself, this opportunity to go after what she wants, a way to cut Rand out of the picture so that everything falls back into the hands of her family. Though Kousuke she is able to orchestrate everything she wants and needs because he is solely at her mercy. 

Look at how deftly she discredits Hansuke while ensuring she is seen as the one who has the most concern for him. Look at how she makes it look as though Hansuke was trying something shady, to run tests on him without his consent, how can he overstep those boundaries - as if she doesn’t do that very thing at every opportunity. That’s how it works! You isolate your victim by making them believe everyone is out to harm them, that no one is trustworthy - no one except yourself, of course. It’s how she remains that safe shelter to him. Even though she does overstep his boundaries, even though she inserts herself into his business, she’s also the one who brings him “comfort”, the only one who he can trust. And it’s why he is unable to part ways with that manipulated reality he adheres to. It’s why, when other people speak the truth to him, he cannot believe it if it contradicts what he knows and believes, and that’s why no one is able to get through to him. 

Kousuke is a textbook victim of manipulation - he can never grow and progress as long as Yui exists. 

And something that someone pointed out (in the first link I included above!) is the visual progression of that. While we knew Kousuke would likely regress and everything he confronted and admitted would be out the window if Yui shows up, it’s further illustrated at the beginning of the episode and how it’s juxtaposed against the last scene we saw. 

From Nol and Shinae standing together, hands clutched and Nol resting on her shoulder with the sunrise and light, the clocks turn back and grow darker and darker, until Kousuke awakes. His moment of illumination is over, he’s back to the dark. Yui’s arrival represents that darkness, and how it undoes every moment of truth he had prior. 

As long as Yui remains in Kousuke’s proximity, he will always be in the dark, unable to reach the light. 

In that same comment, they talked about the parallels in how we were shown Nol, Shinae, and Kousuke all waking up in the hospital. 

Shinae woke to her father and his love and care. There was never a moment she had to doubt him. I still can’t get over that little snippet of Minhyuk in the hospital before she’d fully woken, how feral he sounded, how upset he was about what happened - that he knew he was one of the only people who actually cared about her and his anger at how she was hurt. There was never a moment that Shinae had to doubt these people. Even though her mom has left and took her sister, too, Shinae has never had to feel entirely alone. 

On the flip side, Nol didn’t wake up to relatives, to his parents. He woke up to panic and fear and his fight or flight senses kicked in - until he noticed Shinae asleep at the foot of his bead and realized he wasn’t alone. His friends showed up despite the way he had treated him to celebrate him, to make him feel special, to make him feel better in the ways that they can. Nol has spent a lot of time alone, but he’s not. He has people at his side. 

But Kousuke also wakes up alone - no peace, but instead a hard to make out argument outside his door. Isn’t that awful? At least Shinae and Nol wake up to a sense of comfort, but Kousuke wakes up to people arguing about him. When he fully wakes and sits up, there’s no one in the room. Just him. And then in sweeps Yui, paying off a nurse to trash Rand’s gift, ready to spin a new web to further ensnare Kousuke. 

As long as Yui remains that safe place, that comfort to Kousuke, he cannot be free. 

That’s the power of isolation, that’s the power of discrediting the people around him, of ensuring he believes only her words, convincing him that only she knows him well enough, that only she can help him, only she will tell him the truth. 

“They were all superfluous. Don’t worry, I told him to stop. It’s best to save resources on patients that actually need it, right?” 

We know Hansuke is in the right mind, wanting to run tests on Kousuke. He is rightfully concerned that something is going on with Kousuke and hopes tests could be indicative of something. He’s a doctor and thus believes in science and if there’s scientific evidence, maybe THAT could sway Kousuke, maybe THAT could convince him to listen. But not only does Yui put a stop to it, but she manages to discredit his intentions. She conveys to Kousuke exactly what she needs to - of course there’s nothing wrong with you you’re just fine don’t listen to what anyone else says because they don’t know you like I do. They’re all just being so dramatic. 

And the next time Hansuke dares bring up to Kousuke that maybe he needs to get checked out, Kousuke will double down against him, will continue to believe Hansuke has a vendetta against him, will add him to his growing list of paranoia. The one person who is actively fighting for Kousuke is a big threat to Yui, so she has to ensure that Kousuke won’t trust him.

But that begs the question then. Is she putting a stop to the tests in effort to discredit Hansuke, or is it more than that? I am not a medical person, so this is not my area of expertise and I can only go off of the input others have put out there. I do personally think that whatever Kousuke is dealing with is not so much a mental illness as much as a response to the various stressors in his life, and while I do think a psych evaluation could at least better pinpoint a way to help Kousuke, that’s not the kind of test that Hansuke could have run while he was out. 

But what could be gleaned from simple labwork and urine analysis? If what Kousuke is dealing with is his stress levels and his response to internalized fears and jealousy resulting in paranoia, if it’s his body’s reaction to dealing with a past trauma, if it’s his body shutting down when he can’t deal with something, that’s not something blood is going to show right? 

There’s a lot of theories.

The first assumes both the rules of the mukoyoshi theory and that Kousuke is not, in fact, Rand’s child. It would go like this: because Rand was adopted into the Hirahara family by his marriage to Yui, it means he is treated as much as a blood relative as Yui is, and because the family business passes through the males, it means Rand’s progeny are the next in line for heir. This theory can branch off a couple ways. 

The first is obviously if it’s found out that Kousuke isn’t Rand’s child - but from simple labwork, would that even be possible? Unless Hansuke is checking Kousuke’s blood type AND knows the blood types of Rand and Yui, how would he be able to uncover the truth? But still, Yui would want to cover that truth at all costs, so maybe stopping Hansuke before he gets further and digs in deeper? 

But there’s also the fact that if it was believed Kousuke was not fit to be CEO, that his mental state was worrying or they couldn’t trust him to carry out the necessary duties, he could be stripped of his role - and it would go to the next in line, and as a blood-relative of Rand, that would be Nol. Thus, it would be very important to cover up any indicator that Kousuke cannot handle his role as heir. While we know Kousuke’s stress responses are directly related to unassessed psychological triggers, it would be easy for someone on the outside to look at him and go “He can’t handle stress and he lashes out at people, he isn’t fit for this.” And I don’t think that stress response is new to Kousuke. Though we didn’t see it really take affect until Nol and Kousuke were working closely together and Kousuke’s fears and paranoia were reawakened, we can assume from what little we saw of Kousuke’s recollection of the night Nol was taken away that this was another time he reacted to psychological triggers and shut down. 

@poisonheart pointed this out and it really put a lot of things into new light. It would also lend credence to Nol being unstable - ensure that he never stands a chance, that no one will ever think he’s fit for the role. 

Anyway, that brings us back to: Yui cannot have anyone, and especially not Kousuke, thinking there’s anything wrong with him. It’s not that she believes he’s perfect and thinks anyone who wants to run tests is insulting. It’s that she knows Kousuke is not perfect and she cannot let anyone find out. It would be so easy for the company to swing to one of her sister’s husbands if it turned out Kousuke and Nol were unfit and she absolutely cannot have that. That’s HER fortune, that’s HER business and she will not let it fall into the hands of another man. 

I want to make it clear that when I say something is wrong with Kousuke, I mean that when his triggers stress him out too much, he goes on spirals. I don’t think it’s something like “Kousuke is bipolar” because we can see clearly WHAT affects him, WHAT sets him off, and why it sets him off. I think, in an ideal world where it as easily possible, Kousuke was able to make peace with his feelings about his father, he’d be able to make peace with his feelings about Nol, and he’d be able to eventually reduce the probability of getting swept into these spirals. If Kousuke had no reason to fear Nol, to feel jealous of him, the intense need to best him at every opportunity, if he didn’t see everything Nol does as being an attack against him, as him plotting against him, as him trying to overtake him, he wouldn’t get so worked up. 

I also think making peace with Rand and Nol means whatever it is Kousuke is protecting himself from, whatever it is that happened in his falsified memory, would have less power over him. It’s not that Kousuke would act like this regardless - it’s that he is actively responding to things that trigger these reactions. 

I think I lost track of where I’m going lmao the point is: Kousuke is a direct result of the manipulation he’s experienced, and every time he experiences a truth that goes against the world Yui has gaslighted him into believing in, he cannot process it and it breaks him down. It’s a normal reaction! He’s not reacting like this because there’s something “wrong” with him, he is responding to high levels of stress and his brain wants to maintain the truth he knows. Certainly he needs therapy, but we all do. They all do. 

And this episode illuminates WHY and HOW Kousuke remains trapped in this state, and why any attempt at showing him the truth goes awry. Kousuke doesn’t put his beliefs ahead of other peoples’ solely because he has superiorlistic feelings about himself - it’s because he has to, in order to continue what he knows. 

Yui offering him tea is also a chilling moment, because we know the way Nol reacts to tea. He knows - he understands. But on the flipside, Kousuke doesn’t have the same reaction to it. He may even associate tea with comfort. I think this difference is VERY important, because Nol is aware of the witch Yui is, he probably is aware of the ways she has hurt him. Kousuke, though, isn’t. He still seeks comfort from her, and the tea theory, that maybe it’s laced, that maybe it is something his body responds to in order to placate him, is an important one. I don’t think this theory goes as far as some people think - I don’t think he’s being constantly drugged by his personal chef, for instance, nor do I think he ate or drank anything that night that would have triggered how he acted this night because a. Yui was surprised when he showed up to the party at all and b. Again, everything about Kousuke’s reactions are perfectly in line with the things that tip him off. He didn’t get worked up because he was drugged, he got worked up because he was responding to the dissonance between what he believes and what he sees, the stress of what Nol did and how Kousuke fears it will reflect on him, and his desperation to never disappoint Rand. 

HOWEVER I AM very much on board with the idea that after very traumatizing moments, perhaps Yui has placated Kousuke with a special tea that would calm him down and interrupt the dissonance, something he would come to associate as calm and safety, and thus further push her goal of ensuring Kousuke only feels safe with her, that she is the only one he can trust and seek refuge in. Everything going wrong and then mommy shows up with nice special tea and suddenly he’s calm and all those questions have been tucked away, there’s a new memory in its place; that’s not how that played out now is it, dear, wasn’t it like this? 

Something else about Yui worth noting is that she is VERY unhappy. There’s something so jarring and uncomfortable about the way she reacts when Kousuke tells her he was looking for Nol and Rand, that Nol has been hurt. That eerie smile mask of hers and how it closes in on her, that she came not because Kousuke needed her but she needed something from him - she needed to know Nol’s whereabouts, she needed to know where her scheming husband has gone. And Kousuke has no information for her. She is ANGRY but it’s also an opportunity to further drive that wedge. Rand isn’t here - not only does that mean he’s not here to check on Kousuke but it also means someone lied, whether it was Rand or Jayce, and it doesn’t matter which it was because Kosuuke will internalize it in the worst possible way. Why didn’t they come here, why did they hide their location? As readers we know exactly why - Rand is protecting Nol from Yui. But in doing so, it looks like he’s hiding things from Kousuke and he will not be able to rationalize it any other way. 

Even his reaction to the fact that Rand isn’t here shows that - he’s starting to get worked up again, he’s agitated, he doesn’t know where they are and Nol was hurt and Yui is grabbing his injured hand and trying to placate him. There’s something about Kousuke’s “You don’t believe me...?” that REALLY hurts, because it’s all a part of her manipulation. He’s in a vulnerable state, he’s confused and instead of receiving clarity, Yui is muddying the waters. If Yui doesn’t believe him, does that mean he could be wrong? Does it mean that Jayce was wrong? 

Again, in the end, he can rely on and trust only Yui. 

I really love that we also got to see Meg and Jayce! What an unlikely duo! I have this hope that one day Meg and Kousuke can become unlikely friends - as much as anyone can be friends with Kousuke lol. I think we’ve seen that, like Hansuke, she is someone who at least likes Kousuke for something attributed to who he is, rather than chasing him for the fortune and power. I think that could have added fuel to the fire, but we’ve seen that Meg’s interest in Kousuke was rooted in him being one of the only people in her life to cheer her on, to make her feel seen and like she can do what she sets her mind to, unlike her parents who encouraged her to give up and go for something easy. I don’t want to downplay her harassment and stalking, because it was very much so out of line but I’m glad she seems to be coming around and I think from that, if Kousuke can ever learn to be comfortable around her, we could see a really interesting dynamic of friendship. I think Meg has a lot of potential to have a similar relationship as Kousuke and Shinae have had, where Shinae calls out Kousuke and tries not to let him push her around and make her feel small. Clearly there’s a lot of things Meg and Kousuke both need to work through and it’s not something that would immediately happen, but I think it might be a series of incidents that could build up to them being able to trust each other, maybe? 

Meg finding the gift that was thrown out fuels that hope, at least. I know right now she takes it as Kousuke choosing to throw it out, but I wonder if we won’t get to see a scene where Meg mentions the gift he threw out and makes Kousuke go “Excuse me? What? I would never throw out something from Father” and create that little seed of doubt. That’s the biggest issue with Kousuke being caught in Yui’s web - no one can get through to him. But if that seed of doubt is planted, if could lead to Kousuke questioning the things he needs to. Because if she’s thrown out this gift, what else has she thrown out. What else has she prevented? What else has she lied about? Maybe he can reach that conclusion that it wasn’t that he was never good enough for Rand, but that she continued to make that gap wider and wider and to destroy every bridge before either Kousuke or Rand ever had a chance to cross them. Even if it’s not the case and she hasn’t actually interfered as much as we think, it still creates that doubt, because it still means she lied and that she isn’t the only pillar of truth in his life, and there’s still a question of what else he’s lied about. 

I love that we get to see Meg hanging around that long, too. I mean, I’m glad she’s getting a wuber and will go home, but I just can’t help but feel like we will get to see a lot more of Meg and Kousuke - after all, just like her unlikely appearance with Yujing, they DO have a lot of mutuals, and Meg has become much more important to the story than anyone could have accounted for. Now that she holds the actual key to possibly unlocking some doubt in Kousuke’s mind, I think we will get to see more of her. Again, I know at the begnning her harassment was treated as a tasteless joke, but I love Meg because of how much we’ve already seen her change and grow, her decision to love herself and stand up for herself. I think in time we might get to see Kousuke develop a sense of respect for her, as he kind of has with Shinae. I like to hope that she might be able to eventually bring some comfort to Kousuke, in the way that maybe she can be someone who brings him truth and honesty. I don’t mean this as a shippy thing, but just in the sense that Kousuke is very much alone. Shinae has people who love and care about her. Nol has people who love and care about him. Kousuke doesn’t have that as much. Having someone who has your back is vital. That’s what makes it so hard for victims to leave - where do they go? who do they turn to? When for so long their abuser has been their only sense of comfort and shelter, when their abuser has made everyone view the victim as hysterical and dramatic, when they are left all on their own, isn’t that scary? 

This isn’t a “they can fix him” thing, but rather for Kousuke to grow he needs to escape his mom, and for him to do THAT he needs to understand who she is and what she’s done to him. Hansuke is doing his best, but maybe having someone else on his side would be beneficial. These are complex stories and it’s not enough to just have someone at your side, there’s a lot of psychological recovery for Kousuke to work through - but it’s not as daunting when you aren’t alone. 

Idk, I say it every week but I just. I have a LOT of feelings. I’ve really enjoyed the complexity of the pain train that is Kousuke (I took that from @poisonheart lmao) because it’s so well done. He is a man who has been manipulated his entire life, he’s felt neglected by his father, he’s been isolated, everyone who cares about him has been discredited, he’s been trapped in this web and haunted by his jealousies and fears and he’s lashed out every time he feared he was losing his place, every time he worried Nol would best him. Just like how tragic it is that Yui was able to drive that wedge between Rand and Kousuke, it’s tragic that Yui has been able to do this to Kousuke, that as a result of the seeds she’s sown, he’s grown up to be this kind of person, to do despicable things, to break someone so that they never had the chance to grow.

Nothing ever happens in a vacuum, nothing is ever black and white. Kousuke is both a victim and an abuser. Rand is both suffering from Yui’s games and a bad, absent parent. Nol was hurt over and over by Kousuke and still reached out, still tried to help, tried to bond. I think we absolutely have to acknowledge that Kousuke is dealing with something that is very difficult to escape, that is very psychologically damaging. That’s why we can’t look at him and go “I can’t believe a grown adult is acting like that.” There’s always more to the story, and it’s unfortunate that the pain inflicted on these characters has caused them to hurt someone else.

Rand’s misery led to him giving up and hurting his son, which lead to his son living with so much fear and jealousy that he hurt the only person who tried to reach out to him over and over again, which lead to that person hurting the people who loved him and wanted to help. It’s an endless cycle, and even though it begins with Yui, I’m sure she has her own hurt, too, that she’s turned on everyone else. 

[the-busy-ghost]

Warning- this is a very petty post, but I think I'm entitled to at least one petty, pissed-off reaction every time I finish a classic novel that hit harder than I expected so take this as my quota for the year.

Also spoiler warning for a book that came out over a century ago but still, I didn't know the plot going in so don't want to ruin it for anyone else, if you haven't read it shut your eyes. (Also Local Tumblr User Going Wild Over Book Published a Hundred Years Ago That Everybody Else Already Read should probably be categorised as akey part of indigenous tumblr culture at this point).

Anyway I just finished the War of the Worlds and in between studying I've thinking about Themes and Motifs as you do, and idly looking for further analysis. I then accidentally ran into an article called 'A Quiet Place II Succeeds Where the War of the Worlds Failed' and:

Now I haven't seen any of the Quiet Place films, this is not a rant against them and of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But re: the ending of The War of the Worlds, I have to ask, did this guy somehow miss, uh, the entire point of the book or am I just utterly insane?

[alltimefail-sims]

All I want is a computer that doesn't lag on community lots

[oozeandgoo-art]

Another cowboy - Texco! To fill a hole in the group we found XD gotta have a new giant bottom

[darkspace7]

[ And To Tell Their Ghosts We'd've Still Loved Them If They Were Here ]

(Or: a collection of working backstory notes + some mini-fic for my Twisted Wonderland Yuusona OC)

[ Ramshackle Dorm ]

-------x-------Alex White/Akihito Yukishima\雪島 秋人 -------x-------

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x- Class: N/A (NRC Custodial Staff) Birthday: January 18 (Capricorn) Age: 27 Height: 158.75cm/5'2" Dominant Hand: Right Favourite Subject: Art Hobby: Fiber Arts Likes: Various Forms Of Storytelling Media Dislikes: Too Many To List... Favourite Food: Smoked Salmon Least Favourite Food: Tomato Juice Special Skill: Exorcism & Purification of Wayward Souls

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Don't let his short stature and quiet demeanor fool you. This tired and jaded twenty-something with a penchant for snark and heavily-repressed anger issues originates from a variation of Earth where all sort of malicious things lay frothing under the cover of night. It was up to individuals like him -[ Exorcists ]- to keep these entities under control and out of the public eye.

Because not only were the things that went bump in the night real, they also clearly wanted you dead.

[His appearance at the onset of arrival to Twisted Wonderland after giving the rather sketchy Headmage of Night Raven Collage his working pseudonym "Alex White". Don't be fooled by his gentle looks, he's an absolute feral opossum of a man.]

"Did you know that both [ blood & salt ] make a very versatile base for talismans and other such anti-magical warding items? No? Well pay attention now, it seems like that you're about to receive a practical demonstration."

(As demonstrated in the image above talismans are just one of the many tools of the trade that he hefts around with him to carry out his various jobs. Such items include:

A [ Magitool Hammer ] {found in one of Ramshackle Dorm's locked storage rooms and while initially intended as a multitool for the production of furniture and various repairs it was later repurposed as a weapon for self defense.}

[ Salt Encrusted Gloves ] {While they originally were an ordinary pair of gloves, upon modification through the hammer they can now serve a mean punch toward any unruly specter.}

[ Refillable Hidden Knife Set ] {Yet another item produced by the versatile magitool. These are used for both self defense and to carve wards onto various surface around both the Dorm and NRC in general. White also keeps several squirreled away on his person just in case he has a need to draw blood for any sort of reason. Not like any one would believe you if you dared mention it; they're just so small after all and the poor thing is unable to cast even the simplest spell! So how much of a threat could they really be?}

[ The Ghost Camera ] {Fell in love with the Fatal Frame vibes and may or may not have named it after the Camera Obscura.}

[ Château de Vainglory ] {A revolver pistol crafted in secret with the magictool and then tucked away in the depths of White's secret bunker for worst case scenarios. This becomes relevant later on.}

These and other assorted items that he's acquired from his stay in Twisted Wonderland are kept squirreled away in his Secret Bunker ((which is really just the old storage room that he's repurposed into a sort of anti-magical bolthole/panic room that's been warded to high hell)) because when dealing with the supernatural you can never be too careful after all.)

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

(The hidden bolthole was decided upon as a must have even before White's unfortunate first run in with the resident spectral entities but this decision was only cemented upon as an absolute necessity when the man somehow managed to stumble headfirst into a live demonstration of the local Overblot phenomena.

You see, Overblotting is the magical equivalent of becoming a malicious type of spiritual entity when you're still alive through the process of putting an overwhelming amount negative energy directly on one's magic. If not treated succinctly an Overblot victim can die and become a full blown Phantom which is a essentially a magic-based Revenant.

((Revenants are the product of when a nonmagical person dies and undergoes a corruption similar to Overblotting due to overwhelming negative energy and were in fact the primary foe in which Exorcists had to contend with back in White's old world.))

Healthy magic users under normal circumstances usually have a base blanket immunity to the process of Overblot which has the added effect of making ghostly possessions rare but on the off occasion an outright malicious spirit does manage to latch ahold of a magic being it can result in a Bogeyman ((Phantom-Based)) or a Poltergeist ((Revenant-Based)).

However as non-magical folk are lacking this basic protection it can make them the more likely targets of a possession by either sort of spiritual entity with resulting machinations of a Revenant giving rise to a Ghoul ((which feeds on the individual's energy until poor soul's entirety is eventually corrupted giving rise to another Revenant)) or a Lich ((in which the individual's possession by a Phantom results in them being used as a fuel source and potentially being subsumed.)) To give an fortunate example of a near disastrous miss, there was White's introduction with the Ramshackle Ghosts. Due to his presence at the campus the spirits ((who had admittedly been allowed to fester for way too long and were teetering on the edge of becoming Revenants themselves)) naturally assumed that White had the selfsame protection that all magic users possessed and acted on such assumptions despite the reality of the matter being the exact opposite case. White, however, confident in his assertion that if these spirits did by chance manage to possess him then it would undoubtedly have done irreparable harm did what one who possessed a hard-earned fighting instinct garnered from a lifetime of having his very soul put on the line would do.

He dodged.

And with that ring of the bell began a long familiar dance with death for the fair-haired man, albeit with a slightly more noticeable bit of fire this go around courtesy of his new cat-like companion.

The situation was eventually handled ((through a bit of thorough explanation on Crowley's part and perhaps some promises of gratuitous violence and hastily crafted warding talismans on White's behalf once the Headmage had left)) and the ghosts eventually seemed to get the memo and settle down and begrudgingly let bygones be bygones.

Even if the whole deal did kind of piss him off.)

{For theoretical (and probably canon divergent) storyline featuring White that I'm tentatively dubbing the [ Eclipsing Phantom Arc ] it would most likely be set in a nebulous timeframe somewhere along the lines of late fall or early winter just after a heavy snowfall for peak dramatic effect. We'd get to see in this wholly original (and totally not inspired by the Castlevania Aria/Dawn of Sorrow Duology) tale of just why this feral possum man is the way he is in this.}

So to set the scene for things to come it would start like this: one of the History of Magic teachers would be up at the podium lecturing about the historical significance of the upcoming Crimson Moon Eclipse and the traditional association between the various celestial bodies in retrospect to magic as it is known today, and then we cut to White who had been listening in just outside the door with a thoughtful expression on his face as he did his job as a school janitor.

Grim, who (being the unhelpful menace that he was) had already decided that cleaning was a waste of his time and was currently lying sprawled out on the once spotless tile, had noticed the other's distant look and naturally asked what's up.

"Oh, nothing." The albino answered with his characteristic evasiveness. Clearly unsatisfied with that non-response, cat monster continued to pester him until he admitted, "I was just reminiscing is all." Seeing Grim's expectant expression somewhat reluctantly continued, "Just before I ...arrived... here there was total eclipse where I was at, is all."

Jumping at the bit to learn more about his enigmatic roommate Grim prodded further but was unable to get another word from the reluctant man by the time the bell interrupted him signifying that the lecture was over.

White moved to collect the cleaning items so he could put them away and get out of the hallway before the throng of students leaving class up and swept him away. He even manages to make it halfway there before he is suddenly accosted by some random underclassmen.

Now if it were a normal day White would instantly be suspicious of these random teenagers accosting him but he had admittedly not been having the easiest time sleeping lately —what what with how bad things had been with the Overblot Epidemic recently and the continually mounting stress from not only having to play some sort twisted battle therapist for everyone (despite being not even remotely qualified to be a school counselor) but also having to deal with Crowley's stark unwillingness to give him anything but the barest scraps to use as resources– and it was starting to wear him down so naturally he managed to miss their malicious smirks and mischievous snickers denoting the most likely ill intentions. But just as they began to tug him off to the side and away from the more populated halls just who should round the corner but resident Heartslabyul prankster Ace Trappola and his (fellow associate? Ally through extended circumstance?...Friend? Fuck, he'd really have to figure that whole situationship out at some point or another) Deuce.

Naturally when they caught sight the elusive campus cryptid seemingly chatting it up these unfamiliar students Ace, of who could readily admit to having had a mischievous streak the size of the Schoenheit's wardrobe immediately wanted to know what was up.

Perhaps it was some students who needed help cleaning (boring) or maybe they had heard of the man's infamous hammer and just wanted to see it in action (slightly less boring) or perhaps there was some kind of prank afoot?

(And while the red-head was suitably distracted with his musings he also wound up missing the sheer maliciousness glee positively radiating from the group of upperclassmen, however his friend Deuce most certainly did not.)

So with a quick jab to the side that the other was brought back to reality and the duo unanimously chose to (not so subtly) follow.

They watched as the boys managed manhandle him into an empty lecture hall. Darting in before the door fully shut and quickly ducking behind one of the seats on the upper row, it took a moment for their eyes to adjust because for some reason it appeared as though the lights had been switched off and, strangely enough, a spell cast to block the light incoming from the windows as well. All in all a suspiciously dark room that only further gave credence to the red-head's prank theory.

Suddenly a single dim light flickered into being surround the hall's small dais. It's presence illuminating both the fair-haired man (who had somehow managed to make his way down the rickety flight of stairs without stumbling once) and the shadowy figure crouching at the edge of the stage with their back to them.

Judging from the quiet snickering from either sides of them, was it another underclassmen perhaps?

As the light seemed to flicker for a second before brightening again as the figure stood up and turned a r o u n d...

Only to reveal a {mirror image} of the waif-like man?

The lookalike faced his doppelgänger with blank expression that that seemed to flicker in time with the light before slowly twisting into a smirk.

(Even in the near-dark it's hard not see the way White's body seems to freeze and while they might not have been able to catch the albino's expression at this angle it seems that the fiery feline at his side did. And if whatever he'd seen was enough to make the normally boisterous feline seem almost genuinely petrified? Then the elder of the Heartslabyul duo thought that it did not bode well at all.)

The figure seems to open it's mouth as if to make a derisive comment but the moment it does the light appears to flicker and cut out once more only to come back on a second later, just in time for them to catch sight of White's magitool hammer slamming straight into a face that mirrored his own. With the force of the blow sending the doppelganger sprawling to the floor they didn't have time to process this abject turn of events before he was upon the fallen man, hammer poised above his head for the next swing. A look of utter terror etched across doppelgänger face as the hammer smashed into it's head and magic binding it to this world fractured and broke apart.

Spell broken, the lights flickered on and the shadowed hold on the windows released allowing for sunlight to filter back into the room. Yet a lone shadow remained, and it was currently standing center stage before them cutting a mighty figure as he bore the weight of the kill with a discordant calm. White-blonde hair shown around his crown like an ethereal halo as the older man slowly tilted his head back to bask in the light.

Before he had even realized it he had pushed himself up from his crouch and left the safety of his hiding spot, ignoring the red-headed teen's startled hiss. "...White?"

The muted sound of his voice seemed to do the trick. White blinked out of his trance, his head snapping to the dark haired teen. Wide grey eyes raked over his form before turning to the grey-furred monster clutching at the edge of the dais as if for dear life. His gaze fell to the magitool tightly clutched in a trembling hand as he evidently realized what he'd done. Everything was still for moment before he twisted on his heal and bolts forward straight out the open window.

"Ah wait-!"

Dead silence.

"Ah man, how lame was that?"

...Huh?

"Yeah, I thought it'd be something a bit more interesting."

What?

"Ugh, you probably just cast the stupid spell wrong and that's why it went off the rails like that. It's ex umbra in mala somnia not ex umbra in mala speculum genius."

What.

A harsh snicker, "But did you see the look in the Mirror Shadow's face? What a riot! That would've been so much funnier if the original had been like that but y'know how it is."

Excuse me?

A shrug, "I mean, it'd make sense wouldn't it? The lack of magic would definitely thrown something off. Or maybe I guess it could've just been because he's a little freak."

What.

Various noises of agreement echoed around the room to the pair's rising bafflement as the other upperclassmen decloaked themselves, evidently having been there the whole time. But it was that final comment that cinched it for them.

"I'm sorry, but can someone explain to me what the actual fuck that what was that supposed to be?" The red-head shoved himself up from behind the seat where he had hid, a deep scowl etched into the teen's face.

"...Um. A prank? Dude, where did you even come from???"

"From the door." He retorted with an exasperated roll of the eyes and if he weren't so pissed right now he would have laughed at the other's flatfooted expression as they sputtered like the dumbass they were. But at least it gave him a moment to think which was good because, honestly, he had been just seconds away from doing…something not very nice.

He lifted a hand to stop the oncoming headache and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Sorry, I'm trying to make sense of this but what kind of bullshit prank involves a group of people luring someone in to a secluded room casting something like that on them?"

"Hey, yeah!" Grim, who had remained fixed at the edge of the dais seemed to bristle, forked tail swishing irritably as his claws flexed. "What even was that anyway?!"

Deuce glanced at the red-head as well because, even though it pained him to admit, he had not done too well on the last generalized curse exam and currently was taking remedial lessons to make up the credit. But even someone like him could tell by the way it had been phrased as well as the irritated expression plastered across his face that it couldn't have been good.

He looked uncomfortable as he explained, "It's a type of paralysis spell; it uses darkness to knock a person out while they're still awake and then trap them in a loop of fear and nightmares until they either break from it themselves or someone else cancels the spell for them."

"Oh." He processed that for a second and when the ball dropped rounded on the other upperclassmen, hands digging into the lapels of the nearest one's uniform. "Dude! What the fuck?!"

"...Okay I know this looks bad but it was just supposed to be a prank, honest! We were just were going to knock him out, steal his stuff and set it on fire, then draw rude things on him before trying him to one of the light poles outside. I mean, until the loser tossed himself out a window." A pause. "Huh, it really does sound bad when you put it that way."

One of the others palmed their face with a groan as both of the underclassmen (and Grim) seemed to process this statement with thunderous expressions. "...You really aren't helping our case man."

"Stow it ah—"

"Hey!"

"Watch the shirt, watch the shirt!"

"I'm gonna do worse than ruin your stupid shirt you-"

"Hey you dolts!" Grim cut across with a plume of flame as he huffed, "'He just tossed himself out a window.'" Met with blank stares he growled, stomping a foot down and waving a frantic grey-furred paw at the open window. "Aren't we on one of the highest floors right now?" They ruminate on this for a second this before the ball dropped.

"Oh shit White!"

"Hey, wait for me!"

-x-------X-------x-------X-------x ( * ) x-------X-------x-------X-------x-

Well, good news he wasn't dead.

Bad news, he was about to be if he didn't do something within the next five seconds.

'Damn it, not again.' He thought with a slight grimace.

Seriously, who was his bloodline cursed by for him to live such an interesting life as this? When he finally did manage to die (and somehow didn't manage to become a Revenant in the process) he wanted to have some words with them.

He twisted himself midair, giving an about face to the vibrant blue as gravity dragged him into a freefall; hard grey eyes narrowed as they scanned the area. Searching for...

...there!

Target locked, he swung the magictool as hard as he could with the silent prayer that it's area of effect took hold. A beat. Then two. As the ground drew ever nearer in it's encroach he felt a bead of sweat roll down his neck until finally he could feel near imperceptible charge of the item as it latched onto his intent. He didn't even have time for a halfhearted mental cheer before the near magnetic force yanked him back toward the tower with its rapidly changing stonework.

With mere seconds to work with, he flipped the hammer into a two-handed grip and allowed the velocity to carry him along the makeshift slingshot around the tower until the stone could no longer withstand his weight and collapsed taking him with it. He was deposited roughly onto the slick stone and almost immediately began to slide along a slanted tile roof.

From there it was only through a combination of some admittedly bullshit reflexes and a thankfully recalled lesson that included the history and location of every single gargoyle installed on campus (thank you Sir Pointy-Horn, you weird rock-obsessed fae bastard) that he was able to catch himself on the edge of the building and prevent his impulsive self-defenestration attempt from reaching its logical end.

The rest of the path down was a breath of relief in comparison, with parkour skills only slightly hampered by the ache in his limbs from where they had been nearly pulled from their sockets (he had worked with much worse this was nothing) so he still made it down in record time.

'And hopefully they wouldn't mind the alteration to the school's decor too much.' He thought as he crab-walked across a window ledge, stopping once he reached a suitable expanse of hedges before unceremoniously dropped down with an undignified flail into the not-to-soft greenery. 'Ah geez, I hoped no one saw that.'

"...White???"

(Someone saw it.)

Slowly, he turned around and who should he see but the Housewarden of Scarabia Dorm and possibly one of the most excitable boys he'd ever had the pleasure of meeting. (Oh and it seemed Jamil was here too because of course he was.)

He could already see the awed sparkle in the taller boy's eyes as he bounced on his heels as well as the absolutely dumbfounded look on his minder's face and felt the creepings of dread run down his spine.

"That was amazing!!!"

...Fuck.

-x-------X-------x-------X-------x ( * ) x-------X-------x-------X-------x-

"Where is he?!"

"I don't know, he'd probably have wound up somewhere around here."

"You don't think-"

"Wait, I think I see him!...Is that Kalim?"

"And you'd just have to do some sort of an acrobatics routine as part of the display, maybe we could work in a whole black-and-red astronomical theme because of the eclipse? Oh but the parade grounds outside of our dorm is kind of flat aren't they so that wouldn't really work but, ah! What about your dorm? It's got all those rickety edges and stuff for an added flare of danger plus we never really get to hang at your place, it'd be really fun! Say, is it really haunted like they say-"

"..."

"..."

"...White? Um, what-?"

Taking note of the approaching teens the short albino shot them his equivalent of a pleading look as Kalim obliviously continued to chat his ear off. How had things even come to this anyway? One moment he was being grilled by the boy about his previously unknown proficiency in the art of parkour and the next he had been treated to a full-frontal blast of Typhoon Kalim.

He'd just been trying to deflect the commentary by asking him what book he had in his arms there, but Kalim had somehow took it as an invitation to not only infodump about tonight's Crimson Moon Eclipse (which evidently was named so because of a once-in-a-millennium comet running interference between the seasonal red moon and their world or something to that effect) and what he learned about it from their most recent lesson but to go full-steam ahead and invite himself along to the viewing party he so graciously convinced (coerced) him into having back at the Ramshackle Dorm.

The newcomers had a hard time fighting back a snicker or two at the sheer absurdity of the event at least until Al-Asim finally noticed them.

"Oh? Hello! Have you all come to help us with the party tonight?"

The laughter stopped immediately. The elder of the trio flailed his hands in front of himself, as if to ward off the very notion. "Ah...no we-"

(The quiet force of Jamil's { glare } was something to contend with. After all it was a known law of the universe that Kalim's whims shan't be denied lest ye poor unfortunate souls suffer dire consequences.)

"...Uh. Sure?"

"Great!" Kalim clapped his hands together, twirling on his heel as Jamil followed behind. Those left behind shared a look as he sole adult of the group pinched the bridge of his nose with a stifled groan.

This was going to be a long day.

-x-------X-------x-------X-------x ( * ) x-------X-------x-------X-------x-

And that was the story of how the four of them had somehow been roped into helping set up Kalim's party at White's dorm against the man's own wishes.

(And damn it all, he still had leaves in his hair from that godforsaken bush. He just wanted to hobble back to that nightmare of a safety inspection they called a dorm, take a shower in the very limited hot water they had here, then conk out on that threadbare mattress for the next twenty-eight hours. But was he going to get to do any of that? No. Because he now had to set up for a fucking party. What the hell? This was some next-level bullshit.)

What followed was one of the most ridiculously exasperating spy-vs-spy shit that any of them had the misfortune to experience.

On one side: Deuce & Trappola —the leaders of this whole venture and seemingly the only ones who cared enough to bother when it was first brought to their notice that something was seriously up with their resident janitor cryptid/semi-responsible adult figure in the first place– and their allies; Jamil (who was unwilling to let the earlier display go with that half-arsed explanation if only for the sake of Kalim's wellbeing), Sebek (who had just arrived with the caterers, citing the need to scope the venue out ahead of schedule for his fellow dormmate's safety), and Epel (who had honestly just came to get away from the rest of his dorm for a bit and succinctly been roped into this tomfoolery the second he set foot through the door.)

Their mission: figure out what the fuck was up with Ramshackle Dorm (and perhaps its sole caretaker by extension) without getting waylaid by various shenanigans or arousing the suspicion of the scrungly man himself.

And on the other hand, we had the aforementioned albino himself. Someone who was shanghaied into this whole mess and was now two threads away from a panic attack because of the newfound need to race around the dorm without anyone else noticing in order to collect all of his esoteric necromantic research material so that he could squirrel it away in the hidden bolthole before some poor unfortunate bastard managed to stumble upon it.

(Because, as it turned out, even in a whole ass different world where magic fuckery was commonplace and weirdness was mundane anything having to do Death and What Lied Beyond was evidentially still a step too far. Hypocrites.)

It was only a small mercy that he had managed to talk Al-Asim down from inviting everyone and their mother's dog but it seemed that he couldn't get out of having a collection of eclectic individuals such as the other Housewardens and their friends along with a small handful of others from being placed on the summons.

(Really, for those sorry beings who were either free with absolutely nothing better to do on such a dreadful night as this or selfsame others who were actively avoiding such responsibilities and decided the only way to spend the time doing so was in this OSHA violation of a place were the only ones who would even bother anyway. Maybe it was a good thing though as having a bunch of friends would make this whole stealth thing a lot more difficult for him. Besides who would really want to hang out with a grim weirdo like him? After all he's done? Plus he wasn't winning any awards for his personality after all. The idea was laughable really.)

And then there were the outliers, such as the trio from Octavinelle who had just arrived to do the catering and had yet to be involved in shenanigans but once either twin caught wind of what was going on the would assuredly join in on the chaos, or Riddle who had taken one look at the mess they were making thought the whole thing ridiculous and —after yelling at the group a bit– left to help clean up, Kalim who remained wholly oblivious to the other's antics as he continued to decorate.

And finally we had Grim, who had originally been on team investigator but got distracted halfway and decided to raid the kitchen for snacks. As one does.

('It's kind of funny...' The furred cat-beast thought to himself as he pawed futilely at the locked cabinet door that he knew White kept some salmon jerky behind. 'But, like, in a really messed up way. Does that make sense? Maybe? Eh, the ghost would probably understand. Y'know, if they were still around. Those guys would probably think the whole deal was a riot.' He growled at the makeshift child-lock, forked-tail flicking in annoyance. 'Yeah, fun guys once you got past the murder attempts. Shame they seem to be rather sparse lately. Wonder why that was?' A pointed ear twitched as he heard the service door to the kitchen open behind him, 'Who knows. Maybe White finally got fed up and made on good on those threats to exorcise them?' Blue eyes gleaming he turned on the newcomer, "Oi! Mr. Octopus, open this door for me! I want treats!")

The wisp of a man just narrowly managed to catch himself from planting face-first into the rough-shod flooring. He shut his eyes, pressing a sweaty glove-covered palm against the wall as the world swayed.

"Just keep it together." He murmured lowly, mentally shutting out the jovial sounds of teenagers at play as he slowly pathetically crawled down an adjacent hall and out of sight.

"Just keep it together-" He repeated, biting back a rush of bile as he hefted himself to his feet. "For a bit longer..." He screwed his eyes shut, letting out a breath through clenched teeth. "Then you'll be done with all this nonsense and you can rest."

(But that's the thing, he would never be done would he? There would always be some new disaster waiting in the wings to rear its ugly head. Some new Overblot Incident caused everyone and their overly uptight mothers insisting on foisting their problems on a bunch of overpowered children instead of dealing with it themselves. Some sort of *magical mishap* that needed 'his special touch' to solve; nevermind there was a number of other people who could do just as well, if not better, but were probably actually qualified to do so. Some poor soul who had finally surrendered to the darkness in their hearts and let it consume them body and soul so now he had to be one to put them down before they could hurt anyone else-)

A harsh smack to the cheek, "C'mon, get your shit together man." He hissed. "It's just a little exhaustion. This is nothing compared to back then, soldier. Don't let it get to you."

After all, to show weakness was to invite negativity into one's soul. To invite negativity into one's soul was to invite Death. And to invite Death for someone like him...

Well. The less he said the better.

"...White?" Said individual stilled. Epel's voice didn't really carry all that much, not as much as someone like Sebek's did, but honed ears could still pick up the distinct cadence of the shorter teen's masked twang over the chaotic din emanating from the Guest Room. "Hey, just to let you know: Riddle said that Trey and Cater just texted him that they still need to study for Trein's make-up exam tomorrow so they can't come tonight and that they were sorry."

"Y-Yeah?" He called back, resting his head on the wall in front on him. It felt nice and cool. (Or maybe he was overheated? He couldn't tell.) "I'll tell Azul we need two less meals then."

"Also Ace was being a dumbass and tossed Sebek's hat up on top of the chandelier and now Sebek's trying to strangle both him and Deuce for it." What. How the hell... Stupid question, magic. It's always magic.

He resisted pinching the bridge of his nose. "I see."

Well, that at least explained why the green-haired teen was being louder than usual. "I need help with getting it down? Can you c'mere?"

"Y-Yeah. I'll...I'll go grab a stick or something and be right there. Just give me a second!" He called back, a grey eye slit open and the Scheele's Green shaded wallpaper filled his vision as he stared blankly down the hall. "Yeah, sure. Just deal with it. Like you always do. After all the almighty janitor's work is never done." He tiredly let out a quiet laugh.

...Was it just him or did that laugh sound a tad bit bit hysterical?

Eh. It was probably fine.

(His work with these 'restless souls' would never truly be 'done'.)

[N ̷̢̧̧̟̬̗̋̈͜ͅé̸͉̍ ̵̡̢̫̣̯̰̹̪͇͕̅̎̇͒͂̕͠v̵̻̀̀͐̈͛̐͛̚͝͝ ̵̺͚̯̪͓̳͊͌̔͒̏ẹ̴̛̭̟͕͔̞̏̈́̓̋͂̾̕͠ ̵̼͉͍̼̅̎̐̔̇͘͘͝͠r̴̯̜̓͠��̢̡̗͕̹ ̷̢̧̺̙̫͉̔̐.̴̠̮̝͍̙͚̝͔̀͆̓̐̊̒̿́̊̆]

-x-------X-------x-------X-------x ( * ) x-------X-------x-------X-------x-

He was three seconds away from giving in to steadily rising urge and strangling these chucklefucks. Would he be in deep shit for doing so? Yes. But it'd be worth it. Honestly, if he didn't know firsthand how chaotic teenage boys could be (having been one himself once upon a time) he could've sworn they were doing it on purpose.

It had taken them around thirty minutes and eventually just resorting to throwing random items at the chandelier but they had finally managed to get Sebek's hat down and stop the uptight kid from bringing any more ghosts into the world.

But then it was Azul's turn to inform him that Grim had somehow managed to get into the pantry (again) and proceeded to eat all of his salmon jerky (again) so he had to go scruff the little gluttonous bastard and put the recovering Tappola on Grim Watch (and for some extra insurance —with Riddle's blessing of course– Deuce was placed on Ace Babysitting Duty) while he finished with Jamil and the Octavinelle Boys in the kitchen.

Every moment he managed to finish something it seemed like someone would something else or there was something or another that need his input so he couldn't have moment's rest and (not that he would admit it) but he was very visibly beginning to flag.

One silver-lining was that —save for a single item– he had successfully managed to scoop all of his strange curios with everybody else none the wiser.

The last thing on the list being a sole lined journal, one he had dutifully scribbled in ever since he managed to snag it with his 'ruthless bartering skills' from Mr S's Limited Item Shop during his first visit to the School Store. (Though if you asked him, it was really just a glorified clearance bin but if the man himself or his spectral familiars ever heard him call it such a thing he would probably get pissed and cut his supply off and then where would he get his smoked salmon treats or the ground amethysts and unstarched linen he used to make gunpowder talismans?) The red cover of which was currently peaking out from underneath a threadbare pillow that Grim liked to use for napping.

All he needed was to find the right window to nab it and then he'd be golden. However, already an hour in and he had yet to put into practice his slight of hand, and with everyone trapezeing about it only added to the challenge. It was only by a stroke of luck that he had managed to distract the room's newest occupant —(Riddle this time; taking a much needed break from Kalim's...exceeding enthusiasm. Understandable.)– long enough for him bend down and snag it.

Quickly standing up (and nearly keeling over in the process when he overcorrected) he waved off the boy's worried exclamations with a patented placid expression as he subtly slipped the notebook into his back pocket. It was a bit disconcerting though, to be fretted over so adamantly by someone ten years his junior and he didn't quite understand just why the other so concerned about him. It wasn't a child's job to worry about the state of their caregivers, quite the opposite really, and he felt a pang of guilt for even giving rise to the very notion. It had taken him a bit of roundabout conversation and even then the red-head seemed rather reluctant to let it go at least until Kalim emerged once more from the ether to further distract his fellow Housewarden.

Other eyes occupied he drew back into the shadows before quietly edging back of the room and down the hall. Soon the soft lights grew dim and he found the chatter of excitable teenagers through thin walls muffled as he slipped through the darkness of the old dorm.

Normally with it just being Grim and himself as the sole living occupants of their Ramshackle home these rooms stood vacant and abandoned, left to collect dust as a testament to what once was a lively home now forgotten by time. But every once in an odd red moon he found himself wandering about these old bones, his presence breathing life into the place as he took solace in the solitude. This was one such occasion.

Slipping through the threshold, he carefully tugged the knob until the door clicked shut—

Silence...

–and finally all noise ceased to exist.

"Finally."

He let out a long sigh, letting his forehead come to rest on the weathered doorframe—

[O̵̻̕h̶̰̕ ̸̣̅p̸͕̽ö̶̻́o̸͙̚r̵̩̈́ ̴̥́c̶̟̽h̷̢̑i̴̤̚l̶̊ͅd̵͎̽è̸͇ ̴͕̾ȯ̴̼f̵̛̜ ̶̥̾m̷̪̔a̵̺̚n̶̠̓,̵̟̀ ̷̩̒á̵͇l̶̟̋ẁ̷̼ã̷̤ỵ̷̉ș̴̆ ̵͎͑ġ̸͍i̷̻͠v̸̦̏i̸̠͝n̶̟͑ǧ̷̰ ̴̱̈t̶͚̿h̶͉͐y̷̥̆s̸͖̎e̵͕̎l̴̍ͅf̷̗͘ ̶̤̊t̵͔͝o̸̤͠ ̸̖̀o̵̡͒t̶̯͗h̴̩̀ë̴̩́r̶̼͘s̸̻̈́ ̷̙̾b̶͔̿u̷̦͛t̷̬̑ ̵͕̌n̸̈́ͅe̴͍͐v̸̪̊e̵̫̍r̴̰̿ ̷̣̚b̵̠́e̵͔͘i̴̻̓n̷̝̋g̷̯̚ ̷̻̓g̷̬͘ì̸͙v̵̝͂e̷̡̅n̸̙͠ ̴̀ͅt̷͉̄o̷̝͋ ̸͍́i̶̲̅n̸͔̐ ̴̢͋r̵͎͗e̴̫̔t̴̥̕ú̷̘r̵͖͊n̵͈̅.̵̖̑ ̴̘̓ Y̵̫͂o̶͓̐u̷̮̎ ̷͍̋g̷̢̈ĭ̸̳v̵̝͂e̸̙̔ ̵̰̽ḁ̴̐n̵̤͛d̴̪͝ ̷͕̇y̶̟͐o̵̪̓u̵̢͌ ̶̧̾g̶̞̾ȉ̶̢v̶̀͜ě̷̜ ̵̯̒à̶̦n̶̹̓d̶͙̽ ̸̱̚y̸̝̚ō̷̱û̵̹ ̸̳̅g̴̹̾ḭ̷͗v̶̘͌e̵̖̚ ̴̢͝b̴̯͒ǔ̷̡t̸̡͠ ̵̺̀i̵͍͐t̶̹̕'̸͗͜s̴͙̍ ̷̹́n̷̮̒ę̶͆v̶̜́e̸̘̐r̸̩͛ ̴̮̈́ê̶̗ņ̵̇ơ̶̹ũ̴͜g̴̃��ḩ̶̓ ̷͙͆í̵͙s̵̰̋ ̶̨̀ĩ̷͖t̸̛̩?̴͉̋ W̶͖͙̓̃h̷̞̖̓͌ỵ̴͂,̵͇̰͂ ̸̹̇ỹ̸̟̀ǫ̵̼̈́̆ù̸̙ ̸̭̕c̸̣̹̓̍o̸̤̅ų̴̛̄ḷ̸̰̇̓d̷̝̀̒ ̷̧͍͋̕ē̷̞̜̏v̸̜͕̌͋ȅ̴̩͍n̸͍̾ ̸͔͐͘ģ̴̧̉ì̸̝̦̓v̴͈̙̇è̴̡̱ ̴̙̈́ͅy̸̙͔̽̇o̸̯̲̔û̶͉̩̕ř̷͙ ̸͈̑̅v̷͂ͅë̷͈̌ṛ̷̺͂y̶̥͎̾̈́ ̷̠̆ͅs̴̢͇͆̐ọ̷̳̔̒ū̴̟̉l̴̢͊ ̴̤͌̕a̵̼͎͌̚ṉ̸͝d̸̹̹͂ ̸͚̤̎t̴̮̞̋̉h̴͕̤̚͝ȯ̷̲͉s̴͉̎͠ě̵̜̩ ̴͇͕́͗f̷͚͕͆ó̵̯ơ̷͍͔l̴͎̈́s̷̬͇̽̽ ̴̗̱̚w̶̱̪̆́ö̶̦́̇ṷ̶̀̕͜l̴̬̥̅̓d̵̲̍̂ ̴͓̯͛̍j̵̤̑u̶̜̔͂͜s̵̼͝t̶̢̠̊͆ ̷̙̾ͅl̴̝̊̂ą̸̛p̵̩̃ ̸̨̰̒̎ǐ̴̱̾t̷̻̲̅ ̶̞̟͛u̸̺̜̇p̵̨̤̕ ̷̲͊ḽ̵̛̛ǐ̵̖͔k̶̳̳̃͗e̵͈͒ ̷͎̾f̴̦̜̋ŕ̸̘̹̓e̶̡̝̾͝s̴̖̯̽̊h̴̗͑ͅ ̴̺͔̀a̷̺̓m̸̤̓b̶̨̈́̐r̴͖̐͜ò̴͖s̴̺̎ͅi̸̩͗a̵̰̙̿̃ ̸̬̽a̵̬̹͐̎n̸̪̈́d̵̤̖͌ ̶̡̓̅ţ̸̍h̴͎̘̐e̶͎̟͌ ̴̤̎m̷̞̠̈́o̶̥̠͠m̴͗͊͜e̸͇͛̓n̸̲̂̄t̵̺͚͂͛ ̵̧̃͝y̶̗̕ọ̸̉ų̵͙̑ ̶̭̈w̸̻̉ȇ̸̗r̴̠̎e̶̖̅ ̵̹͌b̷̧̲͆l̷̟̗͠e̷͎̾͠d̸̤͉̏̓ ̴̮̘͌̐d̶̘̠̎͑r̵̪̾y̸̩͛͌ ̶̠͇̏͘t̴̞̀̈́h̷͔̟̽͑ẹ̶͕̇y̵͕͎̚ ̶̯̉̇ẘ̶̗̜̄ȍ̸͎ṵ̷͖́l̸̤̈d̸̛͎ ̷̨͚̉͆a̵̡̼͆͌ŝ̵̛̪͙k̵̹̤͝ ̷̼̭̕ẅ̵̺h̷̫̥̾e̵͈̠̾ṛ̷̳͊ȇ̴͖̚ ̵͔̌̾t̷̟̯̉h̸̞̏̊͜é̴̳ ̶̗̝͐̀ǹ̶͖e̵͈̿x̶̤̫͝t̵̜͐ ̴͚̹̒͒s̶̘͇̎ě̷̞̭͝r̸̠̲͆v̵̭͐i̴̦͕͝n̶̬͑g̵͚̦̾̋ ̵̺̾w̵̙̼͘͝á̶̤̽s̸̖͑̌.̷̞̟͠ ̷̘̑H̶̜̀ỏ̶̳w̷̖̒ ̵̫͆ṕ̴̬a̸͙͑ṱ̶̈́ḧ̴̯́e̵̞̓t̶̞́i̸̗̋c̸͕͆.̴͍̔.]

—And quickly choked on that breath.

The blood froze in his veins and he felt himself going completely still. He felt cold. That...voice. That horrible voice that continued to haunt his nightmares to this very day. He k n e w that voice. Oh, god.

And it seemed that the speaker was wasn't done.

[Ę̵͚̃̆̂v̵̹́e̸̡̛̞͝n̴̮̙̋̉̕ ̷̰̽a̴͓̝̩̎f̸͚̃͋͝t̴͔̆̏̓e̵̤̋͋̏r̸̼͔̈́ ̵̱͋̋b̷̢̛̺͔͆̇r̸̗͙̠̿͘ǐ̶̞̫̒͜ǹ̴̺̈́g̴͈̥̽i̶͍̺͛͐n̴̤̋̑̽g̵̫̉͌̚ ̴̨̭̉b̵͓͚̖͝á̸̝̔̍c̸͉͛̏ḱ̶͉̂͜ ̵̱̜̈͐t̷̫̝̟́̑h̶̡̯̮͆̐ő̷͓͘s̷͔̄́͝ė̵̩̝͙̂ ̶͈̕s̵̡͓͛̇͘c̷̞̟͌o̶̻̼̎ͅr̵͚̪̺͐̀̇n̷̹̹͐ȩ̶̔d̶̢̯͖͝ ̶͖̀͜ÿ̸͍͇͂̀ọ̶̼̟̆̽u̷̘̼̒̈́ͅț̷̈́̕ḧ̵̨͉́̔̀͜ ̴̯̪̈́f̵̯̯̓́r̴͚̗͝o̷̼̽̑m̵̛͕̺ ̸͉̂t̵͎̟͈͐ȟ̷̝̥͊̿e̴̛͙̮ ̸̢̤̌̌̉b̴͕͝r̴̲͚̆í̸̢̻n̷̗͌̄̈́k̵̢̅́ ̸̓̍ͅṱ̸͛h̷̨̤̍a̷̳͌t̴̡̰͂̓̆ ̸̫͎̻́̒̈t̶̯̆͝͝h̸̰̜̔̑̿e̵͖̣͘ͅy̶͈̦͑̌̄ ̸̹͈͗͌t̶̟̝̒̏̾h̸̡̑͑̓e̶͎͕͍̒m̶̟̰͆̚ŝ̷̗̬͑͌ę̷̘̟̎l̷̖̼̆̎͒v̵̘͔̭͌e̸̞̫̅̚s̴̩̋ͅ ̶̛̺͕̣́̏r̷̞̟̙̿ë̷̥̬̯̀ű̷̥̠̞ṣ̷̛̭̄͠e̷̗͙̓̊͒d̸̫̔ ̵̪̋̄t̴̘̼̭̀̓̍o̵̫͌͘ ̷̜̟̪̓d̸̲̹̮͒o̵̳͊ ̵̮̇̈ș̷͓̽̈́̄o̷̲̩̫̎̎ ̴͈̬͋͘͜͠h̸̗̀̿͐ọ̷͇͍̅w̷̳̒̑ ̵̲̠͆͜d̵̬̤̣̑̀͛ȯ̷̩̞͋̈ ̷͇̯̱̓̚͝t̶͓̲͝h̸̬̝͛̔̚ͅê̸͇̣̾̊y̵͇̙̋̋ͅ ̴̯̄͑r̵̨̡̫̓̀̍e̶̞̺̘̋͂w̶̦̋͐a̶͎̚r̵̠̫͋d̸̢͇̈́̃͐ ̵̯̬͙̉̐̾y̴͚̿͝ṓ̴̢͉̟ù̸͓̔͑?̶̟̝̐̆͝ Ẃ̶̧̜͈̲̣̀ĩ̸͔̰̬ţ̵̟̱̘̳̄̈́̈́̀̑̽h̵̡̲̲̉́̓ ̸̡̹̘̘̪̎̀̃͠t̷̳̑̃̒̀̎h̵͙̤͖̮͉̳́̍̄͗͠i̷͍̜̓̈̚͘s̴̟̭̳̲̗̈́́̎̈̕ͅ ̶̯͓̞͖͎̤̂t̶̩͉̩̯́͊̍͝͝h̵̬̿̈̀͘r̸̡̢̮̞̎͆́e̸̟̽a̸̡̢̹̩͍̚d̸̨̈́̅b̸̡̼̳̿̎͊̍̒͘ͅa̵̡͔̭͎͛͆̀͆̐̚ŗ̸̟͉͔̑̇̔͌͝͝e̵͇̪̱̣̾͛͛͌ͅ ̵̻̅̃̀̚ͅh̷̼̘̓̀̉͐͑ọ̵̡̞͓͓͂̉̚͠v̸͔̺̗̯͇͗̿̍͠e̶̺̼͆̍l̸̹͗̆ ̸̧̰̬̠̹͑̈̒̿a̸̢̢̨̝̔͑̿͊̾̍n̶̛͔̻͑̾̈́̒d̶͖̈́̒̑̅ ̷̨̩̣̀̾̈́̾̓̕s̷̤̾̀̑͋̃̓e̸̞̲̞̥̖̪̽̈́̇c̴̢̺̻̣͙̹̈̽ǫ̴̰̜͍̓̈̚n̴͈̞͎͖͂̽͗̏͝d̷̨͓̭̬̱͂͊-̷̠̠̈́̓̑̋̕h̵̯̲͔̒̉̌̿a̸̠͑n̷̲̭̮̱̜̊͂ͅd̷̲̽̓̓́͠ ̵̻͌͊s̸̼̻̯̑͒̓͠ͅũ̷̠͓̘̞͌̄p̷̛͕͈͈̱͕͛̂̉͋ṕ̸̯̀l̴̨̦̮͆͗̆̒̆́i̴͚̘̥̿ê̷̦͂s̴͍̟̔͜͝ ̶̨̹̍͌͜t̷̫̒̓̍̀́͝ȟ̸̼͘͠ǎ̵͈͛̒͝t̵̖̣̲̓͑̕͜ ̶̡͉̙͓͋̑͒y̷̮͊̕ọ̷̧̮̦͂́͒̌͝ų̶̹̟̱̋̑͒͝ ̵̰̓͂́͌́̌h̸͚̪̼͕̜͚̑̌̑͂͂a̶̞̬̾̈́̐̌̓̄v̵̦̮̼̽̽͛̾͘͜e̵̺̦͎̰̭͉̕ ̷̱̃̊̽̈͠ẗ̷̪̰̥̮̳̭̆̽͐̔ǒ̸̻̳̚͜ ̷̢͎̞̠̥̾ͅf̸̮̬̃́ĭ̴̢̩̲̍̾́g̵̤̥͈͐h̶̡̹̲͔̞̺̋̃t̷̯̀͆̓̚ͅ ̵͔̃͊̒̔t̶̢͠͝ͅo̸̼̜͋͂ȍ̵̘̜̲̯̙̉ṫ̸̤̬̞̠͊̀̆̐͝ḩ̶͈̑͑͜ ̶͖̔̑͑͑a̵̛̹̮͍̤͌̈́́͝n̵͕͙̎̆̒̇ḑ̷̼͍̗̩͛̓̌̕ ̵̢̡̻̻͖͇͊̊͋͌̊n̶̟̜̻͎̮͒à̷̡̬̝͆͆̈́͘ï̶̡͇͇̞͑͊̓̏ͅl̵̡̼̱͒͂̀͂ ̴̅̀͒͜t̸̮̟̬̑̈́͝͝ȏ̶͉̮̘͇͉̒̿̐͐̆͜ ̶̧̗̝̖̮͓̊̾̕ģ̸̱̭̩̾̃̀̒͘͜e̸̡̗͗t̶̞̘͎̾̿̓̎ ̶͓̈̔̔͗͜͝f̷̥̻̲̓̾̈̌̒̚r̶̹̻̲̹̱̆̆̀̉ȏ̴̩̥̮̠̫́̾̾̐ͅm̷̛͐͑͐̚͜͝ ̶̧̥̮̬̰̜̈́́̚t̴͔̭̯͍͎̣̂̿͝͝h̵̩͉͇̓̄̓͘a̶͉̮͛͆̓̈̊̚t̴̝͓̩̑́̅̚͜ ̴̩̮̜̊̽̉̈́ȍ̷̧̥̤̼͙̅̑̆̍ͅl̶̡͍̞̱͙̻̎̓̾̽̚d̴̩̞̂̀̃̽̈́ ̶̹̂̌͋c̸̨͍͎͕̀̂̎ớ̶̠̪͜r̴̜͙̳̒v̵̛̞̭̗̗̳̀́̿̀̽í̵̫d̵̻̲̔͛̈́͗̚?̵̻̥̬͉̦̣͊͋̃͠͠ Ẃ̵̱̟͕̻̈́ͅi̴̡̿͠t̴̲̆ͅh̴̯̰̉̀̾͝ ̴͔̭̳̄͒͑b̶̼̗̝̽̂͝ḷ̴͇͚͈̪̍a̸̬̳̠͉̾m̶̦̦͙͐͌̒͂e̷̪̬̮̮̼̒̿͐̈́ͅş̴̺͓̙̺̘̉͂̐̔ ̸̨̟̬̹̥̒̓̽̒̒͛͜a̷̺͚̟̒̎n̸͕̬̖͛̓̒͊d̸̡̨͎͖̣͈̽ ̴͕̟̈̌̓a̶̪̥̒̄c̵̨͎̺̬͒̆̉c̸̺̯̙͉̋ͅu̶̹͖̟̬̯̎͗̾͗͌͝s̶̜̗͗̊̋á̸̠͎̹̥͉͚͊͋̅͝͝t̵̢͓͈̙̥̫̊̔̅ỉ̵̤͕͓̈́̈́o̴͍̯̼̞̤̅̒̾͘ņ̵͕̞͉̩̽̈́̚ ̵̦̎͝͝t̷̥̱̟̓ḩ̷̥͍͓̅͑͒͠e̸̙͂̓̽̚͘ ̸̮̥̩͓͓̣̀̊͐̃͂̚v̷͙̣́̀̆̑̈e̷̠̪͎̱̋͌̓̊͠ŗ̸̹̙̥̥̤̀́̂͋̈́͝y̵̨̺͈̟̝͉͊̊ ̷̬̃͝m̸̗͔͛͌̕ỏ̶͎͖̪͈̏m̵͈̱̿͛̇̉̄̽ẽ̷̢̱̇̕͝n̷͙̳̎̃͂͠t̸̛͍̻̅̀ ̴̰̮̂̐t̷͎̳̥̬͓̒̿̀̕ͅh̶̡̡͉̿̓̽̉í̸̧̨̞̲̜̼̅n̶̺̖̭̣̾͛g̷͔̥̤͗͆̐͝s̵͇͖͚̱̯͓̀͛̃̿͌ ̶̙̃ĝ̵͍̦͙͚o̶͇͛͛ ̵͕͛̓̔w̵̡̞͈͕̎͐̾͒̓r̴̨̡͈̜̈̋̂ō̴̫͖̰̻̫̪̋n̶͚̹͒͊̋́̾g̶͕̎͗̈́͂̕ ̷̫̓͗͊̽e̷̘̟̥͎̓́̅̈́̚v̶̡̦̀͌ę̴̰̻͙̊̐̾̄̾͠n̷̦͍̩̗̻̐͋͐̕͘ͅ ̸͈͎̠̠̯̞̀̃̏͠͝í̴͔̥͈̰̿̌̕͠͝f̷͍͖͗̈́̅̈́̅͘ ̸̇ͅȳ̷̼̤̹͕̬̆̇̍ơ̵̝͐̃̑̔͜u̴̞̖̘̟͒̈́̅̋͋͗ ̸̘̪̟̤͊̾̋͑̚͝ͅh̵̙͉͈̲̮̉͗̄̕ḁ̶͉͔̇v̵̜̥̰̳̈́̉ẹ̷̱̲̱̘̾ ̵̳͂̅̒͝n̵͓̉̋̓͝ͅȯ̵̹͓̳͒̀̐̕ ̴̎͐̒ͅh̸͠��̡̝̹̜̜͚͌͑ȁ̵͍̜͍̖̭͙͛̏̀ṋ̶͈͌͋͊͌̎d̵̰̲̕ ̴̩͔̟̮̩͌̄̿͐̊́i̸̝͖͚͌ņ̶̛̟̫͈͍̦͐̀͐͝ ̷̨̧͈̪͕͉͗̌̈́͒̈́͠ṱ̸͈̽̉̅̽̾ḧ̵̦̖̥̹̬͕́̃̔͒̕̕ȩ̷̯̝̪̟͕͆̀̐̄̚ ̴̺̈́m̷̟̩͝ä̶̡͙͈̺̱͛̎͘t̵̘̙͚͍̖͛͆̈́̄̈́̚t̸͈̣́̇̓ĕ̸̤̬̖̻͚̠̊̀̐r̴̞̦̿́̾͌̉̕?̸̟͚͕̜̣͌̈́͂̚͘͠]

Now that...that wasn't fair. Not everyone around there was like that! What of the children he had helped during his stay in this strange phantasmagorical world. Of the lives he had managed to twist for the better?

What of the group of boys who through their many shared trials and tribulations he had (perhaps a bit one-sidedly) come to regard as his own. The kids who had went out of their way just to include him and were waiting for him to come downstairs so they could finally start their impromptu party.

[A̴̼͜͝n̷̦̽́d̴̻̀ ̸̮̠̿̚w̵̡̝̑h̸̫̞͑à̸̹̒t̶̞̞͝ ̸̡̮͆o̶̫̔f̸̯̈̓ͅ ̷̘̊́t̶͎̪̓̉h̶̟͆̏ĕ̶̗̜͒ ̴͚͒o̸̮͈͝t̶͍́ĥ̵͈ĕ̵̡͉̂r̵̭̺̄s̶̛̝?̷͇̻̐̄ F̸̭̈́ơ̴̳ṙ̸̞̟̕ ̴̡͌̕e̵̲͚̿v̷̯̉ḛ̵̰̍̈́r̵͕͈̈́ÿ̸͓́ ̴̼͔̽̈́ğ̶͉́o̸͎͕̐ḽ̸̲͐d̴̜̳̃e̷̺̳͆͝n̶̝͈͆͘ ̴͍̈́̉k̷͈̆̀e̷̢̻͠r̷̮̈́n̷̳̫̄̽ȇ̴͈̺l̸̥̯̀ ̷̮̻͒̕o̷͉̦̓f̴̧͓̊̇ ̶̛̰ẃ̶͇͝ẖ̶́̄è̶̢̥̀ä̴̘̥́͆t̵̳͘ ̷͕͖̽t̸̤͘̚h̴̤̽͠ã̵̺̀t̶̡̙̽ ̶͍̜̏̀é̵̠x̸͚̳̓i̶̩̱̍͛s̷͎̯̀̉ţ̶̲̃ ̸̡̻̀̏a̶̛͍̮͛ ̸̮̄́d̶̮̑͋ơ̸̙z̷͚̑ͅe̵̬̯̚ñ̴͎̙ ̸͕̀r̴͇̎̐a̵͎̕͠t̸̢̲͠s̷͓̼̊̚ ̸̤̙̃l̸̖̘͛a̸̺͓̓͋y̷̲͍̋ ̴̺̓ĭ̵̢̢͂ṋ̵̦͑ ̴̤͛̿w̴̖͗͆͜a̴͐͐ͅi̷͖͇͑͑t̵͙̫͗̅ ̸̥͕̃t̴̬̔́ò̷̦̺̎ ̸͎̓ḟ̷͜e̶̝͛a̸̠̓s̸̛̼͘ͅt̵̜͋̚ͅ ̸͎͈̀̈ơ̴̭̕n̵͉̾͘ ̶̣̦̐̕ṭ̶̂h̴̯͉́̄ẹ̸̳̓ ̴̫̱̄g̶̛̗̟͝ŗ̶͛a̶͎͛̏i̸̯͑͗n̷̲̜̊.̸͕͇̐. Ņ̸̛̪͎̥̞̦̲̄̃̓̃̑̀͐̍̀͗̅͛̿͘͠e̶̛̥̞̗͖̭̲͙̭̱̝͋̒͒͗̓̑̓̇́̉͐͒͑͝ë̴̢̥͕̹̺̪̓̀͊̿̈̚̕ͅd̸̜̲̪͖͖̲͉̺͌͊̓͗́̉̂̕ ̵̢̢̛͉͔̂̈́̇́͒̅̿̓͗̈̃͒Ȉ̵̭̫͔͗̉̚ ̸̨̯͖͕̜̭̭̪̍͒̆̃̋̓̏͛̇̐̈̌͆̑͠��r̴̢̫̟̣̩̜͔̠͕̺̘͋͛̊͂͑͜e̸̡̛̱̯͍̣̬̥͎̤̬͆͌̌̾̍̓̅͒͗͘͜͜m̴͉̠̯̮͓̪͖̻͎̫͕̼̍̽͊̾̿́̀̉̎̂̕͝͠͠į̸͕͖̬̼͙͉͇͍̲̯̖̱̅̈́͛̓̌́̾̅̑̈͐͒͘͠n̷̛̖̝̞͎̤̲̼̫͛̈́͛̑̈d̴͕͖͎̠̦̹̭͚̭̒̓͌͊̃̿͜ͅ ̸͉̼̗̦̣͉̝͚̰̠͚̝̥̙̋͊́̂̌̾͐̃̎̿̀̽̚͜ȳ̵̡̨̨̛̟̞̫͖̣̞̦̺̫̫͚̔̂̀̅̅͂̽̑̒͋́̄͂̈ơ̴̧͇̳̻̬̝̰͉̪̙̠̳̇́̐͒́̔̑́̅̂̈́̄̆̔̕ͅü̸͇͗̂̾̊̈́̅̓̓̌̑͂̓͋͘ ̸̧̱͕̗͎̜̩̐̿̒̍́͊̈́̌͒ő̷̧͈̭̻̦̗̞̰͕̺͗̽̌̈́͊̔̀̈́̈̃̚͜ͅf̷͍̦̘̓ ̷̧̥̜̗̱̏̃̀̓j̷̯̣͚̠̞̬̠̫̖̘̮͊̋̿̒̽͒̓́͂͒͌̚̚͝û̷̢̙̳͇͎̩̲̰̤͔̞͖̩̫̈́́͜ͅͅş̵̻̺͖̮̻̑̓̍̉̐̿̀̔͂̈́̌̿͒͘̚͘͠t̴̯̞̜͉̬̰̿̊͛̒̎̈͋́̒͜ ̴̗̩̥͒̿͆̍̌̇̌͝͝t̵̰͔͈̿̽͋̔͒̆͒̔͘̕͠ĥ̶̛̩͉̜̹̦͉̮̄́͑̈́̐͂̓͒̔͠i̸̺͙͕̍̅̽͂̓̆̌͠ş̸̛̣̦͕̞̭̖̦̰̪͎̱̝̀̀͊̔̎͒̈́̍̽̂͋̈́̚ ̷̡̖̠̭̬̦͍̞͊͊͌́̉̽̅̑́͝ͅm̴̢̞͙̠̰̼͇̰̑̃̽̀ơ̵̠͇͔̗͓̣̖̑́̎̿̈́̓̽͂͐̑̓̕̕r̸̛͎̺̱͇̺͈̮̳̺̟̥̙̯̙̭̪̾̓̆͛́͊͐̾ń̶̨͇̩̗̪̯̫͇͚̲̼̦͚͗͂̆͐͆̋̃̅̔̒̈́̏͌͝ḯ̶̞̍̓͌̎̚n̵̛͔̟̝̎̍̌͑̈̍̑̽́͆͑̚͠g̵̨̗̦͍͇̫̫̬̲̘̪̤͉̣̳̼͒̾̾̎͒̔̑̈́͒̀͗̈́̇̀̀͘͜͝?̸̛̩̻̓̾̍͐͛͗̇͊̎͒͛͠ Ơ̷̼̟̏̓f̵̪̋ ̶̗̙̒t̴̗̱̬̀̄͑h̷̢̥͐e̶͈̓ ̷̦͌͗̓ã̵̼̮̀͒ṫ̶͇t̵̹̹̣̒͛̚ḙ̵͈̾̔̀m̸̨̡̛̞̀p̵͍͂ţ̷̱͛͑̄s̴̡͔̜̓̃ ̵̛̹̄͝t̵̹̫̓͂o̶̺̔͊ ̵̗͖̾̏̈́e̴̮͕̪̓̈́̕x̷̻̻̊́e̴̙͊̎r̶̡̡̈́̈́̕ţ̸͚̳̃ ̵͙̽̄͐t̶̻̪͛̈́͗ḧ̵̫̗́̑̿e̵̯̞͂̆̈́ỉ̶͈̅ͅȓ̵̛̤̺̙͝ ̸̢̒̾͝p̵̞̬̽ē̶̻r̴̘̀͛͜c̸̩̠̑̉̄e̶̞͉͌̅î̶̺̠͖͑v̵̗͙̰̋̑e̶͉̺̒̓͊d̷̳͝ ̶̛͔́̍s̶͍̣̃u̵͓̥͔͂͘p̵̧͠ẻ̴͖͉̤r̸̠̓i̷͖̱͑o̴̘͌̋͘ṟ̷̱͋ȉ̷̧̩̻͋̿t̸̬́͐ͅỳ̴̘͜ ̴̦̯̽͑o̶̢͉͇͒̏v̷̝̳̎ę̶̈́ŗ̴͒̈́̏ ̶̢͙̾̊s̷̠͐ö̸͉̕m̵͚̌̋͗͜é̷̖̐̒ō̷̮̤̒́n̷̬̼̍͌ȩ̸̏̄ ̵͓̉w̵̡̲̌͝ḧ̵͚̃͌ô̴̜͕̘ ̶̡̣̖͂͛t̶͖͆͠h̷͇̗͍͆̏͗ę̸̂͗y̵̳̼̓͊͌ ̶̜̻̌d̴̬̫̿̽̍ȇ̴̻̞̳͛̕e̴̝̦͖͑m̵̻̌ ̸̥̬̔͛̎'̷̜̍͐̓ǫ̶͔̲̈̿t̸̢̀h̸̻̬͕̃e̵̝̽̆r̷̲̰͒̌'̶̫̥̗̓͌͘ ̴̫͔̂̓t̸͚̐͑͌h̵̜̗͖̉́á̶͔̜͙t̷̙̉͋ ̷͇̓v̴̼̼̓̕e̷̟͓̽͛͌r̷͕̻̈̔̊ý̶̺̯̙͠ ̵̲͖̫́͂ẇ̶̳͕͒e̴͗̎̄͜͜͜l̶̖̀̈́͝l̴̾̎̆͜ ̵̬̥̙̐́̋c̶̛̦̣͝ó̷̥ͅǘ̷̫̜l̵̛̟̈d̶̮̗͊͒ ̴̥͔̝̆͑̈́h̵̰͐a̶̲͈̳̓̏ṿ̵̎e̶̛̺̾ ̶̻̙͔͋́̅c̸̭̖̞͒̇ȯ̸̞̼͕̂͠s̵̟̍t̶̥̒̈́̒ ̸̬̕y̴͉͍̍̋̉o̵̬͚̳̓́u̸̞̽̉ ̴̺̋̏y̵̗͊̇ȯ̶̧̬̺̓u̴̟̣̓́̽r̴̼̰͈̀̈́ ̴̋͛͝ͅĺ̵̤͓ǐ̵̦̖f̸͙̊̉̑ę̷͓͙́̓.̵̛͚̰̗͊̓ Å̷̯̗n̵͈̱̍ḋ̸̤̙ ̷̘͌̅t̵͕͙̿h̷̙̭͂e̵̥̒̚ ̵͈̔͐͜t̵̢̹̊͘h̷̟̒i̸͖̐n̷̦̾g̴̢̣͆̑ ̵̼͝i̶̤̕ś̶̬͕,̵͙͒̀ ̵͙͐t̵̪͑ḣ̵̡i̸͚͂̄s̷̟̹̈́̉ ̴̻̓̌į̸͐̈́ş̸̛̬̔ṅ̴̼'̶͉̜͠t̴̙̱̃̿ ̸̨̄̄e̷̢̞͐͂v̵͓͝e̷̩̊ń̸̛̘̭ ̷̠̄t̵̨͆h̷̹̾̆e̴̘̺͊ ̴̱̒f̶̯͙͝ȉ̴̙̊r̸̪̞̂͝s̴̩̈́t̸̘͍͐͠ ̶͎̰̏t̷̹͔͘ị̷̐͝m̷͓̽͝e̴͎͒͝ ̵͔͍̉s̴͚͍̅̈́ó̸̲m̴̙͘e̶̥̪͊ṯ̶̢̓̃ẖ̵̉ī̴̞͕͆n̸͇̈g̴̛̺ ̴͙̎̈́ĺ̸͕í̶͎͒ͅķ̴̏͜e̸̮̒ ̴͈̓̋h̴̭̯͛̇i̵͍̎̂s̶̪̱͌ ̷̜̊͑ẖ̶̈́a̵̢̓s̴̡̔ ̴̣̒h̶̞̦̊̈́a̴͔͓̎̐p̸̘̙̑͐p̴͚͠e̶̺̮̚n̸͇̅ȩ̶̛̟͒d̴̏̕͜ ̶̹̀̓t̶̰̓̈o̴̘͋ ̷̫̤̀͠ÿ̷̺̆͜ö̴̰̜̀ú̵̲̉ ̶̮̑͆i̸̓̆͜s̶̻̀ͅ ̴͉͋ì̸̯͕t̸͍͘?̷̣̎]

He twitched.

[Y̵͚͐o̵̢̳̐̕u̶̪̮̒ ̷̜̼̊͒d̸͖̥̎̒o̸͉̺͐́ ̸̟͑n̷͉̐ỏ̷͖̬ṯ̵̤̽h̷̪̉̈i̶̢͙̊͝n̴̬̼͗g̴͔̃͝ ̶͙̟̃t̸̞̑̕o̸̙͂̓ ̶̩̌́s̷̖̆t̴̫͎̓ò̷̡p̴̭͆̚ ̴̗͘i̷̹͙̓̍t̴̜́ ̴̫̕ě̷̥v̶͎̾́ͅe̵̹͒n̷̠͈̎̑ ̷̨̓t̵͚͘h̴̻̽ọ̸͐͠ṷ̷̈́͊ͅg̶̫̋h̸̠̜͗̉ ̵̩̥̌̽i̷̪͊͠ţ̴̛̑'̵̳͗͛š̴͍ ̷̲̈́̃f̴̭͛̃u̷̲͗̐l̷̰̯̈́l̷͔̏y̵̪̩̒̍ ̴̭̄i̸̬̬̊͛n̷̛̗ ̶̗͆̈y̶͚͛ǫ̶̖͂̓u̴̧͗̄r̶͔̉͗ ̴̗̰̈́p̵̱͛ō̷̭͋ͅw̸̞̾̋e̷̞͋̂r̸̳̃̆ ̷̪͝t̶͕̝̓ǒ̸̰ ̶̲͊d̸̟̤̏͠ǒ̴̭̝͋ ̴̱͔̽s̴̱͛͋ó̷̡̳.̴͍͋̀ ̴̟̃̕Ỹ̶̪̭ȯ̸̭u̶̗͈͂ ̷̫́͜w̷̖̿̈́h̷͎̤̀ő̶̢ ̵̹͍͒͝h̵̢̢̑̅a̷̭͂̇s̵̛̜̜̉ ̶̰̰͆f̵̧̄ͅa̸̲̙̔c̷̣̀͠e̸̱̍̽d̴̞̏̈́ ̵͔͎̎ȟ̴̻o̶̢̎r̴̩̬̂r̴̥̱̒õ̴̯͉r̴͚̙͋̎s̵̨̛̳̀ ̸̻̐̒͜l̸̙̑̈́i̴̛̱t̸̡̏͛e̸̮̹͆̚r̷͍̐͒ä̴̯̰́̓l̵̝̚ ̸͕̈́w̷̻͗̍ơ̴͉̍r̷͎͠l̵̯̕d̸̖̬͌s̵͙͊ ̷͓̟̈́à̶̬w̸̧͕͋̈́á̷̤y̶̖̋ ̵̪͇͆t̶̻̏h̸̝̲̅̎a̴̯̯̐t̵̥̎̚͜ ̶̡̭͑t̵̫̓h̸̖̩̅e̴̤͠s̵̬̙̉̄e̷̯̙̽ ̴̝́͛w̴͕̳͘é̶̯̦a̸̛͚̖͆k̴̤͕͛-̷̪̓w̶͎̋̆ͅi̷̻̒͂l̷̫̈͊l̸̮̎̋è̷̗͝d̵̦͉̎̅ ̷̯͌y̴̲̔ō̸͈͇̚ṵ̶̝̓t̸̫͛ȟ̸̗̪͒ş̴̽͘ ̵͎̿̆w̸̛̩̐h̷̬̀ò̸̩̒ ̵̹͑y̷̦̌o̵͑ͅṵ̴̞̉͛ ̴̼̮̆̔s̴̲͋̎ǒ̵͕̩ ̵͓̻̈͌f̴̖̟̍ó̴͚͝ͅn̸̻̄͋ͅd̵̨̤̈́̕l̶̘̕͜͝y̶̰̍ ̶̱̀̉s̵̡̑͛ṵ̴̱̚r̴̻̬͗r̴̝͊̚o̵̖̜͂ų̴͈̓̕ņ̵͐͝d̴̬̪̎ ̶̤̍̊y̷̲̒ö̸̪̫ů̶̙͖r̵̗̐̋s̷̒̀͜ẻ̸̢̡̇ľ̷̥̼̿f̷̣̌ ̵͎͑̂ẅ̵͓͚́̎i̴̜̫͐t̴̖̾͘h̵͍̤̋̄ ̵̡͈̏c̷͓͊͆o̵̖͆̋u̵̘͆̚l̶͎͆d̸͈̜̑̈n̸̻̟̊'̴̛͙t̸͇̔ ̵̳̃̍ṗ̵̰̕ơ̴̦̩̋s̷̻̑s̵̢̠͐̇i̴͔̊b̵͈̐l̷̪̿y̷͕̿̊ ̷͙͛̈́ḓ̵͊̕ả̵͔́ͅṛ̶̼̽e̸̦͑̾ ̵̪̊̅ḩ̴͐̇o̸̪̰̅͝p̷͉̀ė̸͖ ̴̢̢̀̋t̷̹̔̾o̴̼͎͊̀ ̶̞͗͆c̷̡̱̔̈́o̸̫͒n̷̥̆c̴̜̿͘͜e̴͖͚͋͝ȉ̸̡v̸̦̠̎ę̷̽.̷̳̎̚ ̵̲̈Y̵͕͋̓õ̸͈̆ū̷̜̙̕ ̸̜̫̆w̵̺̍͑͜h̶̯̉o̸͗͜ ̵͙͌͆h̶͖͂a̶̟̖̚s̷̥̠̆ ̷̛̖̈w̸̝̾̇a̵̱̟͂͘t̴̹̤̀c̴̗̉ḧ̶͔́e̶̤̎d̶̡̟͊ ̶̗͂ͅṭ̶̇̈́i̴͈̓m̶̙̰̈e̸̤̚ ̸̧̦͝ȧ̸̢n̴̦̜̎d̷̩͊ ̵̧̻̌ẗ̷̮͖́̎į̶͚̊͌m̷͚̓e̴̦͆ ̷͔̅͘ą̵̥̈́̑g̴̣̺̏a̸̛̘͚̔i̷͔̓ṉ̶̢͘ ̶̧̥̋̈́a̸̤͍͘s̴̪̻̅ ̷̖̾̕ý̸̩͝ͅỏ̶͎ȗ̷͔̀͜r̴͉͚̈́ ̵̻̑͐b̶̓ͅŗ̸̠̕o̴̪̐t̵̤͋͛h̴̗̉̐è̸̠͇́r̴̥̱͝s̷͍̓ͅ-̴̭͙̓͌ï̵̠n̷̜͊-̵̩̌̒͜á̸͎̠ṙ̷͔͚m̶̛͚ṧ̵̡̬ ̵̳͖̿̓h̸̝̬̄͝a̵̡͛d̷̦̠̆̍ ̵̱͙̎͝f̸͓̑i̴̢̎̄n̵̤̔a̶͕̽͜l̴̗̒̋l̶̝͍͠y̴͖̰̾ ̶̼̈́͐f̴̛̞̞̿ȇ̶̢̈l̷̲̔͌l̷͚̎ ̸̛̝v̸̮̅i̴͖̊c̶̀͘ͅt̶͇͊i̴̹̚ͅm̸̼̮̚ ̸̗̻̀ṯ̷̫̈o̴̗̒ ̶͙͑͑t̵̮͂h̴̗̺̎e̶͔̅̓ ̶̠͆̔ͅd̵̡̗̈́a̵̹͓̎r̵̡̪̈́̌k̷̗̕ǹ̶̞͗e̸̢͔̽̀s̵͉͌́s̷͍͑ ̷̡͈̇̓i̵̱͉͒̐n̸̗̕ ̷̛̥̇t̶̡̙̆h̸̩͎̉ë̵͓̭́̑ḯ̶̝͈r̵̳̀̀ ̷̜̈h̸̫̄͝ę̵͆̄a̸̪̿̊r̸̢̞̊t̶̝̟͛̋ṣ̷̄̄ ̶͇̟͛a̶̬͒ṅ̸̠̞̿d̴̥̈́̎ ̴̜̅͝l̴̰̜̋͘e̸̹̩͗̚t̸̡͂͗͜ ̶̨̝͘͠i̵̳̅t̸̤̚ ̷͓̃͛c̷̢̝̽͠o̴͎̬̓ṉ̴͔̽s̶̜͓̃̈u̸̺͘m̴̰͌ě̶̠̯ ̷͚̈́ṯ̷͚̎͋h̴̥͌̿ȇ̵̘̩͘m̴̦̕ ̴̙̻̍̓b̸̤̗̆̕o̶̲̔d̴̼̙̒̕ÿ̷͓͇́ ̴̪̟̔͋a̸̤͗n̸͓̜̐d̷̬̙͂͒ ̵̰͍̊̚s̵̝̀ǫ̶͔̐ů̶̖́l̷̥͆̌ ̷͙̍̃b̴̗͊͜͠e̷͇͋f̴̧͔̋̚ő̵͓̾r̸͍͕͠è̸̹̾ ̵̺̦̒͋d̵̨͙̀é̷̫͍l̶̰͝i̴̻̤̚v̴̳̝͊̏ę̴̱̄̉r̷̞̊͆ͅi̸̝̔ǹ̸̟̺̾g̸͙̒ ̵̰̚̕t̵̨̡̀͆h̵͔͍̆͘e̷̟͎̅m̷̞͕͗ ̵͕̍̀t̶͙͘h̷̡̟͋a̸̻͝͝t̴̹̕ ̴̫͒̈f̶͂ͅỉ̸̹͚n̵̗̳̄̚ä̵̧̦̾l̶̛̗͖͘ ̴̯̪͆̏m̴̼̯̾ë̷͙̕ͅŕ̷̘̦c̸̼̼͒y̴̠̱͑̚ ̶̠̐w̵͈̞̑i̵͈̿̐t̸̠̍h̷̼͍̉͠ ̴̣̣͆́t̴̖̊ḧ̶̺́͘e̶̬̥͋ ̵̭̓̂ş̸̮̔e̷̜̋l̶͉̝̑f̶̰̋̌s̸͔͘ạ̸̌͛m̶̗͂e̷̛̪ ̸̥̇̉a̷̤̔̄ḅ̸͠i̷̢͠l̶̗̔i̸̦̣̎ẗ̵͙͖́͂i̶̲̮̒͒e̴̝̅ŝ̷̭̆ͅ ̷̣̥̔̑d̴̙̤̍͊e̷̡̯͗ȓ̶̤͎į̶͎͗̈́ṽ̴͇͝e̶̫̔d̸͔̀͂ ̴̗̀̀f̸͚͛r̸̤̳̕ơ̶̡̬͊m̵̟̚͝ ̴̣̏t̶̰̆͑h̷̫̀̍ę̸͑͒ ̴͖̩̂̚v̷̾ͅẽ̷͖͜r̵̯̀͋ỹ̶͕ ̷̮͕͛t̴͍̹̀̎h̵̪͚̆͘ĩ̷̡̝ń̶͕g̸̭̩̿ ̶̠̈́͑ͅt̸̜́ḧ̴͚́ä̸̭́͠t̶̨͔͌͗ ̸̦̦̒̾l̴̫̰̃e̵̞̾͜a̸̖̓d̶̞̽ ̵̖̍͠t̷̞̍̽h̸̹͍̎̍e̷̠͗ͅm̶͍̦͊ ̸̘͓͌t̵̛͚͚ọ̸̀ ̶̩̎t̷̤͙̏h̵͔̽͊e̷͈͆̈ḭ̸̈́r̷͉͕̋ ̶̞̣̓d̵͖͕̏͗o̷̘͎͗ȍ̸͉m̴͕̅̄.̶̗́ ̴̬̹͗̚N̴̯̮̍ê̵̥v̷̲͔́͋e̴̡͇͠r̴̨͝ ̸͚̘̕͝q̶̧͆̓ǘ̸̺̒i̶̦̋͜t̸̢̻̾̔e̷͋ͅ ̷̧̦͗ḵ̷̓n̶̗̦̈́o̵̲̎̕w̴͍̫̌i̵͖͆͋n̴͎͈̆̇g̵̢̖͊ ̷̠̦̿̚w̸̳͓͛̔ẖ̵̈́̃ẽ̶͓̿n̷̯͐ ̶͙̟̊į̷͑̾t̸͒̇͜ ̶͔͠ẃ̶͕̫o̶͚̞̓̋ủ̴̟̽l̷̦̟̋d̸̟̑ ̵̡̞̉͘b̸̡̿e̶̲̔̐ ̶̖̄y̵͎̏̀ȍ̵̻ủ̵̟͖͛r̴̛͇͔̂ ̵͎̋t̶͎̫͛u̵̩̝͋̈́r̶̡̮̽n̴̗̖̚ ̷̟̀o̵̩̎̋n̵̖̤͂͘ ̴̨̈́t̸̰̅͐ȟ̴͙e̴̖̙͑̓ ̵̯̤̅͠p̷̛͠ͅy̷̘̑̈r̷̮͒ę̶͒ ̸̟̞̓a̵͖͐̾ͅs̸͎̱̓ ̴̪̫̽̅ẗ̸̡̳́h̵͉̏ĕ̷ͅ ̴͓̔̂c̸͇̫͆y̶̺͒c̷̹͊̄l̷̨̳̇̎ẹ̴̻͆͠ ̶͓̾c̷̨̞̅o̶̯͒͝n̷̯̄t̵̞͋̕i̴͍̚n̶̢̿͒u̵̪̪̓ě̴͇̀d̸͍̖͛̚.̴͊]

Okay.

There were a lot of things you could ignore, some things that you simply had to if only to keep the most tenuous of grips on your dubious sanity when one is suddenly thrust into an entirely different world with different policies, different rules of engagement and (potentially) fucking physics.

Sure, should he probably have clued in that something was up the very moment those weird ass visions brought about by the local talking mirror started. Probably. Or when the talking portraits scattered about the college started falling silent whenever he walked past, as if someone stepped on their graves. Sure. Or even when the sleepwalking had him waking up in the dead of night to find himself already staring out at the large glass windows of the dormitory as the rain steadily streamed down the siding.

(Yeah, actually in hindsight the sleepwalking was kind of a big red flag.)

And like, logically, he knew what he was doing was probably just setting himself up for failure. But coming from world where malevolent entities that fed off expressed negativity could and would latch onto any form of perceived weakness to turn it against you, that lead to some admittedly terrible coping mechanisms to deal with the crazy shit you saw.

(The fact that most of the planet didn't even fucking believe in said entities because of the vigorous propaganda campaigns brought about by numerous long-standing institutions didn't help much either. Thank you so much for that by the way. Way to made the job of cleaning up after these 'make believe ghosts' who could and regularly did wrack up a not-insignificant body count so much easier. Not. Also magic was fucking weird okay and he was working with severe chronic sleep deprivation and probably some form of shellshock so sue him for being little slow on the uptake.)

[Ă̶̗n̶̨̊ḓ̶̾ ̴̬̄y̷̰̚e̴͎͒t̶̥̐ ̶͇̊y̴̛̤ȏ̴̥u̵̗͛ ̵͖̒s̵̫̆ẗ̸͖́i̴̛̭ĺ̸̙l̵̛̼ ̶͉͋f̶̛͕ò̷̯ū̶̞g̷̳̊h̴̢͝t̶̎ͅ ̸̰̀f̵͈͊o̶̫͆r̸̤͗ ̷͉͂t̵͖͠ḧ̸̤ẽ̴͚m̷̿͜ ̷̮̏d̷̤̐e̸̼̎s̴̳̋p̷̩̄i̶͕̔t̴̳̓e̴͜͝ ̶͎̆k̶͙͊n̷̦̿ơ̸̻w̸͊ͅi̸̅͜n̴̬͝g̴̺̓ ̸̣̽t̵̠́h̷̍ͅa̷̫͠ẗ̸̯́ ̷͉̓ë̵̩́v̵̥͂e̸̘͌r̴̳̍y̷̘̾ṭ̶̍h̴̪̽ì̷̢n̷̦̓g̵̤̑ ̴͈̇y̵̪̾ó̶̠u̷̻̕ ̵̢̈d̶͕͊i̷̲͋d̸̪̀ ̴͈̅ǎ̷̭n̷͕̆ḓ̵́ ̴̭̊e̸̙̒v̷̭̏e̶̟̽r̴̳̈́ÿ̷̧́ť̴̯h̶̞̉ï̵̧n̴͚̏ǵ̶̳ ̸͉͝y̶̝̾ö̴̘́ų̸̆ ̵͖̿g̸̪͌a̶͉͂v̴͙͋e̴͈̎ ̷͉͘w̵̢̐o̸͖͋ù̵͚l̴͔͐d̴̖̾ ̷̪̚à̸̢m̸̠̌o̷͚͒u̴̔ͅn̵͔̒ẗ̴̜ ̸͈̆t̵̝̐o̴̺͐ ̴͊͜n̴͍͝ó̴̤t̶͇̓ĥ̴ͅi̴̬̓ṇ̶͐g̶̺͌ ̷͚͂i̷̧͗ǹ̴̜ ̴̩̓t̶̢́ĥ̸̡e̴͓͠ ̶̜̀ḙ̶̊ṋ̴̛d̴̡̆.̷̢̅ ̸͇͑Ť̵̠h̸̤͐à̴̖ṱ̵͝ ̸̫̉h̵̘̒u̴͖̍m̴̪̆a̴͈͛n̸̜͛s̸̻̒ ̶̛̜w̷͌ͅo̶̘͠u̵̺͠l̶̎͜ḏ̷̿ ̶̹̉ë̸͉́v̷͕̉ë̵̙́n̵̢͛ṭ̷̃u̷̡͑ǎ̴͇ḷ̷͂l̵̤̚y̴̙͒ ̷̟̇j̴͓͊ụ̷͋ŝ̶̯t̷̬̆ ̶̼̾b̴̰̋e̸̲͝ ̶̰̿ċ̴͎ơ̵̥n̵̤̔s̷̛͉u̵̦̾m̷͎̄é̸̻d̵͈̿ ̵̗̈́b̷͓͠y̸̜͒ ̵̣̌ṯ̶̆h̶͝ͅe̸͉̓i̷̮̐r̴̐ͅ ̸̨́ṇ̷̌e̷͈͘g̶̖̏a̴̋ͅt̷̢͐i̵͎̓v̸̲̀i̴̽ͅt̷͔̋y̴̐͜ ̶̢͘a̵̤̕n̸̠͆d̷̪̓ ̴̰͘t̴̞̓ḫ̴͗a̷̛̱t̴͚̎ ̸͖͆y̴̯͛ỏ̴̲u̷̩͆ ̶̣̑ẅ̸͖́e̴̜͋r̸̲̽ḙ̶̈ ̶̨̕ṕ̴͓ă̴͚t̸͈͑c̷̪̃h̶͔͗i̴̥͊n̸̖̄g̴̟̈́ ̶̧̂u̶̝̍p̷̼͑ ̸͖̑ḁ̴͋ ̸̲̄ș̸͠ḣ̷̫ȋ̵͖p̴̟͊ ̴͕͛t̵͈͂h̷̯̔a̶͉͗t̴͖͂ ̵̟̐h̸̋͜ạ̵̉d̶̦͘ ̴̞̓l̸̳͋o̸̘͊n̷̼͆g̷̺͋ ̷͈̾s̴̞̄i̷̯̾n̸̢̄c̵̺̃e̶͚͌ ̴̝̿s̶̛̟ȃ̵̰n̴̂͜k̸̟̏.̴̠͋ B̶͔̕e̸͖͑c̶͍̅a̴͖̐ǔ̷̱s̸̗̎e̶̡̊ ̷͈̈́t̵̤͆ò̴̻ ̵̛̹y̷̲̅o̶̰̍u̵͈̓ ̷̗̓t̶̯̀h̸̼̅ả̵͕t̵̹̎'̸̧̂s̴̩̎ ̶͎̔j̸̻̀u̷̞̇s̶̖͌t̸͕̃ ̸͔̋ḫ̷̃ơ̵̬w̵̨͝ ̶̘̆ẗ̵̨́h̴̬̔i̵̲͆n̷̄͜gs̶̜̈́ ̶͙̈́w̸̩̔o̶͈͒r̸̗̍k̴͎̍ẽ̶̳d̶͖͠,̷̼̇ ̵̩̇ŵ̸̟a̸̯͝s̷̞̀n̶̤͒'̶͓̊t̴͉̎ ̵̢͑ǐ̴̗t̷͔͗?̵̖͌ ̴̛̘D̶͕̓è̸̜ḙ̶͛p̸̻̈́ ̵̳̽d̸͕̏ơ̵̹w̴̬͂ǹ̷̻ ̴̟̋i̶͚͐n̶̘̒ ̵̰͒t̷͐͜h̸̻̋e̶̩̎ ̶̦̔d̴̝͐à̵̧r̷̬͂ḱ̷̢n̶̚͜ḙ̸̍s̵̢͑s̴͚͠ ̵̖̑o̷̲͊f̵͕̈́ ̵̭͘y̶͓̐o̴̱̔ú̷̞r̵̫̈́ ̷̗͐ò̵̹w̶̤͂n̸͙̏ ̴͙̐s̸̥̀o̸̓͜u̵͔͌l̷͙̈́ ̵̜̈́y̸̫͝o̴͛͜ȕ̵͉ ̴̮͝t̴̖͆r̷̗͝ȗ̵̡l̶̠̓y̵͔̓ ̸̗́ḇ̸̈ẹ̸́l̸̗̏ḯ̶̮é̶͚ṽ̴̜ḛ̷̈d̶̘̀ ̶̺̅t̷͓̑ḧ̵̩a̶͚͂t̵͚͂'̷͍̃s̶̗̽ ̷̤͋j̴̄ͅu̷̪̍s̴̹͗t̶̀͜ ̸̤̓h̷͕̏o̶̩̚w̵̻̃ ̶̧̄h̴̻̚u̷̘͒m̷̟̒ä̶͎n̵̟͗i̶̟͊t̶͚͘y̴̰̓ ̸̩̐w̸̥̆ȧ̵͚s̶͚̒.̴̨̿ I̵ ̸s̸ ̷n̵ ̴'̴ ̵t̶ ̶i̸ ̷t̸ ̸?̸]

The air in his lungs caught. A pale hand came up to clutch at the fabric of his ill-fitting vest. He couldn't breathe. Turns out there are somethings you just can't ignore. Not when the devil himself was finally knocking at your door. Slowly, he t u r n e d a r o u n d .

[B̶̡̒u̸̦͝t̵̲̂ ̷͚̒t̵̢̐ẖ̷̄e̵̱͗ ̸̱͒m̵̗͘o̷̠͘s̸̫̋t̵͕̉ ̸̱̄d̷͕̏a̶̠͛m̷̪̅n̵͎̔i̷̥͌n̵͖̿g̶̭͗ ̶̲̅t̸͕͝h̷͔̔ỉ̶͖n̷̳̓g̶̱̀?̶̟͐]

Only to catch a glimpse of his figure reflected in the cracked mirror carelessly propped up against the opposite wall. He watched with a mounting horror as the figure contained within moved independently of his own form, the monster clad in his reflection having finally gained enough negative energy to properly manifest, twisted to face him as it spoke.

[H̴o̶w̷ ̵c̶a̴n̷ ̵y̸o̶u̶ ̸b̷e̵ ̷s̷u̶r̴e̵ ̵t̴h̶a̶t̸ ̸y̶o̶u̷ ̵a̶r̴e̸ ̸t̴h̶e̴ ̷o̸n̷e̶ ̵i̷n̷ ̶c̶o̴n̸t̵r̵o̷l̵?̸]

It's red eyes crinkled in malevolent glee as pale lips curled up into a fanged s m i l e...

[Sorry -̸̸̶̴̵̸̵̶̸̵̵̵̸̸̴̻͖͚͍͛̈́͗̂̀̉͋̚-̴̸̸̸̴̴̴̷̴̷̷̸̷̛̳͍̬̗̣͊̂͊͠-̶̴̶̶̶̶̸̵̴̶̸̸̵̴̴̷̸̸̵̸̸̡̛̗̙͙̹͓̘̗̹̈́̄͐̒̂̈́̽̕-̷̸̷̵̵̴̵̸̸̸̶̶̴̵̴̷̵̢̟̫̥̠͗̄̍̾̑̄̕͘͠-̵̷̴̸̵̸̸̶͈̦͉̻̀-̴̴̸̸̸̸̴̷̶̶̶̶̷̶̸̸̶̶̵̴̨͙̣͕̮͈̘̔̑̏̍̑̎̌̐̚͠-̶̷̵̶̶̶̴̴̸̴̴̸̶̜̥́̔̔͌̀͑͆͘ but it's my turn now.]

-x-------X-------x-------X-------x ( * ) x-------X-------x-------X-------x-

{Crash!}

"Damn it Floyd, be careful with those pans. We're on a time crunch and we can't afford any screw ups."

"Yeah, sorry." He rubbed his head, "Ah hey, isn't that Mr. Shrimpy?"

"What?" Jade's head perked up as he went to join his brother at the kitchen window. They watched as the pale haired man mechanically tried —then succeeded– in picking himself up off the grass. Looming much like his namesake, his hunched figure loomed over a pile of glittering something scattered about just out of sight as he clutched his arm tightly to his chest. However, he suddenly stiffened as if sensing the sets of eyes upon him. Slowly he rose and twisted to face the merfolk twins staring curiously out the open window at the strange new show.

"..."

"...?"

"..." He turned, blank-faced and briskly walked away.

The two brothers turned to face one another then back to the window, each with a curious tilt of the head.

"Weird."

-x-------X-------x-------X-------x ( * ) x-------X-------x-------X-------x-

Having gotten a significant distance away from the dorm and those contained within he stopped, hunched over as he gasped for air. Bit by bit his breathing leveled out but the raging riptide of feelings within given rise by the rampaging Phantom in his soul remained.

Through clenched teeth, a wordless sound escaped him as he desperately struggled to hold together the demolished fragments of his masked composure as the wraith lashed out at its impromptu jailer. Each tendril of void-like energy sent a wave of ragepainindignationdespairf u r y so potent that made him want to curl up into a ball and wait until the darkness consumed him just so he didn't have to feel it any longer. He breathed out...

"...Fuck."

His body faced the Alchemy Workshop's retention pond, the pain in his left arm a tenuous grounding point as the blood soaked through the thin dress shirt. It had been a wild gamble, stabbing himself with one of his knives but the sheer shock of the action had driven the other back enough to allow for him to make his escape. Sure it had been through window, but it wasn't like it had been the first time today he'd done so.

He grimaced, wincing at surge of sheer inhuman wrath emanating from his passenger. It was taking every single fiber of his being to continue to fight against the black-hole of negativity as to not be overcome but this far in he already knew it was a losing battle.

Grey eyes stared bleakly out at the sunset as it cast rays over the gleaming water.

(He never even got to hang out with the guys at the party and see the eclipse with everyone else. He didn't even get to say goodbye.)

He knew that it was only a matter of time before the Phantom overtook him. True he bought himself a little bit of wiggle-room but he needed to get far away, off Sage Island if possible and away from any populated settlements at the very least, and fast. Before it was too late and he was subsumed entirely under the fathomless entirety of that...monstrosity. (He needed to get away from everyone while he was still himself.)

(It had been a long time but he felt like he wanted to cry.)

"Little imp?" He startled and then the pit in his stomach bottomed out.

Oh no. No. Nonono-

"Damn it, wait up! You're lucky I run track... Huh? Oh hey, Mr. White! What are you doing out here?"

"Oh, hey! Sam...and Jack too! What a surprise!" He replied, his voice pitching up a bit too high. Internally he cursed up a blue streak as he tried to figure out the best way to get the both of them to leave without seeming suspicious.

"I-I was just...ah, getting some air before the...the viewing party? You know? The one Kalim was hosting? At Ramshackle?" He jabbed his thumb back the way he came, ignoring the way his hand subtly shook. (The suspiciously gleeful cackle echoing in the back of his mind was not helping.)

Damn it! Out of all of the people who could have showed up why did it have to be the only one in this god-forsaken school who actually had some inkling about the dangers the spiritual world could possess as well as his relation to the seedy underbelly of it. And to make matters worse, why was one of the students with him?!?

"...Yeah? Is that so?" Sam gave his version of a neutral smile, inoffensive and otherwise the perfect fit of dealing with a difficult customer. As magenta eyes slowly roved up and down his form before finally settling on his chest. Brows furrowed imperceptibly as he cocked his head a bit to the side. "Bit far of a walk, innit?"

His heart dropped to his feet. Shit, he knew that look. That was the look he had whenever his attention had been caught by some particularly intriguing curiosity. And the fact that it was now aimed at him? He already knew something was up.

But still, he was in too deep to stop now.

"Mhm, y-yeah! I can't really stop myself when my legs get moving sometimes." He let out chuckle that sounded hollow even to his ears. "Sometimes, you just have to get up and go. Y'know?" His voice faltered, and he swallowed, trying again. "You have to go..."

It was now that the youngest member of their unconventional trio stepped up into the conversation. "...Uh, hey this is kind of a weird question. And I don't wanna be rude and interrupt...whatever it is that you two have got going on. But, do I smell blood right now?"

"!"

Slowly his arms lowered to dangle limply at his sides. "..." He turned away as the last rays of sun slowly dipped under the horizon. "..." Back to the men, the sinking light cast his form in deep shadow.

"...I forgot. You beastfolk have elevated senses of smell don't you."

A cold wind swept through the area, stirring ripples in the iolite depths. The pale man shuddered, his slight frame shaking like a leaf in a winter's storm and he seem to sway a bit as if about to keel over before he caught himself and straightened with an eerie calm.

"...Mr. White?" Jack moved to place a hand on the shorter man's shoulder.

"Don't touch him!"Jack taken off guard by sudden outburst, jerked his head back to stare at the older man as his hand instinctively clamped down. The body underneath him twitched. With a sharp curse, Sam darted forward as the man turned on them and struck out, nailing the taller boy in the face with a right hook. He yelped and fell back, clutching at his bleeding nose in shock as Sam quickly stepped in to take his spot and a brief struggle ensued.

"Oh seven my nose!" He winced at the pain, almost certain that the offending part was broken. "What is your problem?!" Jack howled, only to receive no response as the two men seemed determined to beat the shit out of one another. White ears pinned back in a snarl. Fine, if that was how they were gonna play it, and joined the fray.

But the older white-haired male fought like a man possessed and refused to give an inch. Tagging the teen with a solid palm strike to the solar plexus, he knocked him away as the other choked and sputtered. He reared back to elbow Sam in the gut but the taller man merely tanked the hit and held on for dear life as they begin to grapple.

It was a fierce fight but the older man was eventually forced to the ground, having been overpowered in his degraded state. But still he continued to thrash and wriggle in their grasp, with a seemingly increasing desperation.

Having no other choice, the two of them pressed their weight onto the prone man. Jack's ears twitched as the other evidentially realized the futility of continued struggle and turned to muttering "Nonono..." With his face pressed into the dirt and splattered with blood and who-knew-what he looked positively unhinged as he stared at the setting sun. "You don't understand."

"Mr. White..." Jack murmured, tail giving a unnerved swish at the usually collected man's behaviour.

"Oh, we understand more than you think buddy." Sam muttered with narrowed eyes as his hand went for the strange green hamsa-type amulet in his apron pocket. "Hold him down for me would ya?"

"O-Oi..." At the other's sharp look he grumbled and did as he was told. Forcing the small man's uninjured arm behind his back with a small grimace.

Grey eyes slipped shut behind cracked lenses as his lips moved in a soft prayer. "Please-" The rest of which was lost to the rush of wind.

"Hm, what was that? A curse, maybe? A request for last rites, perhaps?"

...He t w i t c h e d .

"I said..."

Dark eyes widened a touch too late as he processed the change in the air. "Would you-" He jerked his head to meet the younger boy's confused gaze, mouth poised to warn him but was cut off when the lad was summarily ripped from his perch and tossed aside.

"—just–"

And with a strength that he had no right to possess Sam followed suit, his amulet sent skittering across the grass-

"–let-"

-only to stop at his feet.

He stood a looming shadow over the fallen men. With crimson eyes crescented as he cast a look of utter disdain at the protective amulet. His lips continued peeled back in a snarl.

"-me-"

And as if rising from the grave, his foot lifted up before ruthlessly slamming down as he unleashed a truly unholy sound." GO!!"

And then it was silent.

An uneasy stillness fell over the clearing as the two prone men didn't dare move, the overwhelming pressure emanating from the lone figure before them was not that unlike a predator surveying his catch before moving in for the kill and it made the teenager want to bolt with his tail tucked between his legs to be honest.

If it weren't for the sound of heavy breathing, he would have thought that the man had been turned to stone. Those luminous eyes boring into their souls as their owner stared and stared and stared. Until suddenly, he blinked.

Then blinked again.

And once more, the unearthly red glow flickering before snuffing itself out.

And from there it seemed that the spell broken and the man was finally to take in their stricken state. A look of utter horror crossing his face as he slowly shook his head and took a step back. Then another. And another, faster this time. Eyes haunted, yet unable to leave their bloodied forms.

"I-I'm sorry."

And then he turned tail, bolting for the forest as he disappeared into the thick copse of trees.

(Wholly unaware of the single red notebook that had slipped out of his pocket in the scuffle.)

-x-------X-------x-------X-------x ( * ) x-------X-------x-------X-------x-

Naturally they tried to go after him but between their injuries and the fading light they quickly lost sight him in the underbrush. Reluctantly the two of them stumbled huffing-and-puffing to a halt in a rocky half-clearing. Sam slowly hobbled over to the giant yew sprawling about the copse and leaned against its trunk with a strained grimace.

Long fingers carefully folded around his waist as he took care not to jostle the rib cage any further lest the bruises there turn in to full blown fractures. He watched as Jack slammed his free fist into the tree's bark with a loud curse. "We're just running in circles."

"Yeah? I hadn't noticed." The man drawled.

It was here the teenager's temper finally spilled over, "Y'know, I've been real patient with this whole thing. I kept my mouth shut when a bunch of freaking ghosts burst in the school store and started screeching –and I quote— 'The Great Lord of Darkness has clawed his way back from Death & That Which Lay Beyond the Stars to enact his revenge upon us all. It's over! The end is nigh!'" His mimicry of said spirits was somewhat tempered by the broken nose but otherwise spot on, Sam thought.

"I was just trying to get some snacks man. Not get my freaking face punched in by the local staff cryptid who suddenly decided to completely flip their lid. That bastard White really knows how to throw hands by the way." He threw a hand up in exasperation.

"But you know a guy can only only take so much. And so I must ask: what in the actual fuck-" He gestured pointedly back at the way they came, ears pinned against his head. "-was that? And why are we following after it?"

"...Yes, I too would like to know the reasoning."

Jack let out a startled yelp as both their heads jerked up to stare over as the newest arrival —Malleus Draconia, Housewarden of Diasomnia himself– seemingly appeared from the aether before them.

Disconcerted, Jack's ear twitched. "...Dude. Where did you even come from...?" While his nose might not have been currently in service his ears still worked so why in the world didn't he hear him creeping up on them? Did he just spawn in the second he mentioned Mr. White? Weird.

Apparently unphased (or perhaps used to such reactions), the fae seemed to take his question in stride and answered earnestly. "There was a social gathering dedicated to tonight's eclipse occurring nearby so I sought to occupy the intermedium with a nice walk through the nearby ruins with my compatriots as to not inconvenience them with an early arrival. However, as we set out one of my companions seemed to be stricken by a sleeping fit so the other opted to wait it out with him nearby and as such told me it was alright to go ahead and they would catch up in a bit."

"...Right."

"Now, I heard you mention the host of this affair, and quite loudly if I might add. May I perhaps inquire as to why you were in pursuit of this individual?"

Was it just him or did those eyes seem to gleam dangerously as the fae coolly took in their states of disarray only to quietly narrow at the half-dried spattering of bloodstains present on their forms. Jack's hackles raised as a chill ran down his spine and suddenly he felt as though if either of them said the wrong thing then it could turn out very badly, for them that was.

It seemed that the shopkeeper picked up on this as well if his nervous grimace were any indication. He glanced away, appearing as if to be weighing the situation's pros versus cons of the before appearing to have come to a decision.

"...Yeah, about that. Listen, there's no good way to put this but-" With a grim look he turned to face the others and made as if to push his hat back only to remember the piece of fabric had been lost earlier in the scuffle and instead settled for running a hand through his hair. "- that thing back there? It ain't your little friend anymore."

Malleus seemed to take that in for a moment, toxic green eyes unblinking. Then he subtly tilted his head. "Explain."

...Why did it sound like a threat?

"Alright, alright! You really know how to twist a guy's ear don't'cha? Yeesh..." The shopkeep waved them back down before giving a suspicious glance around; he seemed, for lack of a better word, agitated. "Fine, I'll spill. But not out here." Raising a hand to quickly stave off the protests he elaborated, "More often than not, in Old Woods like these the trees aren't the only things listening."

He turned to Malleus, "That big shindig of yours, it's over at Ramshackle right? That's good. I know that paranoid old geezer has set up who knows how many wards and booby traps around the joint so it should be safe enough there." Plus he didn't want to repeat any of this more than once.

Seeing no good reason to reject this reasonable offer (nor the implied opportunity to interrogate find out if that blood on wolf beastman shirt was just his own or not. For his sake it better be...) the fae begrudgingly agreed. He turned away, setting off through the thicket as the shopkeeper flanked him.

After a beat the exasperated beastman let out a quiet huffing-grumble and stalked behind, his hand tightening around the hardcover notebook clutched within.

-x-------X-------x-------X-------x ( * ) x-------X-------x-------X-------x-

Uneven footfalls thudded against the rough undergrowth as he ran. His thin frame raced through the darkening forest as if the devil himself was on his heels, which considering the circumstances was not that far off. He moved until his jumps began to turn sloppy, a small blackthorn thicket thwacked against his aching arms when he stopped being able to dodge properly, and beads of sweat mixed with dirt dripped down into his eyes only to to become yet another hindrance that eventually sent him and his glasses sprawling out across the pine needle and rock-encrusted soil.

And yet throughout it all, that malevolent laughter accompanied him as the foreign void behind his eyes encroached.

It was here, in this desolate stretch of forest worlds upon worlds away from all that he ever knew, the pale-haired man laid. Hopelessly lost and alone, save for the monster poised in wait under his skin, eager to take his body and soul for a nightmarish spin.

And it was here that the twenty-seven-year-old finally let himself shatter.

With crimson eyes he cried tears that refused to fall with the sound of mocking reassurances of a monster once dead as a symphony in the night.

And as the light of red moon rose history repeated itself.

[ai-art-thieves]

It's Time To Investigate SevenArt.ai

sevenart.ai is a website that uses ai to generate images.

Except, that's not all it can do.

It can also overlay ai filters onto images to create the illusion that the algorithm created these images.

And its primary image source is Tumblr.

It scrapes through the site for recent images that are at least 10 days old and has some notes attached to it, as well as copying the tags to make the unsuspecting user think that the post was from a genuine user.

No image is safe. Art, photography, screenshots, you name it.

Initially I thought that these are bots that just repost images from their site as well as bastardizations of pictures across tumblr, until a user by the name of @nataliedecorsair discovered that these "bots" can also block users and restrict replies.

Not only that, but these bots do not procreate and multiply like most bots do. Or at least, they have.

The following are the list of bots that have been found on this very site. Brace yourself. It's gonna be a long one:

@giannaaziz1998blog

@kennedyvietor1978blog

@nikb0mh6bl

@z4uu8shm37

@xguniedhmn

@katherinrubino1958blog

@3neonnightlifenostalgiablog

@cyberneticcreations58blog

@neomasteinbrink1971blog

@etharetherford1958blog

@punxajfqz1

@camicranfill1967blog

@1stellarluminousechoblog

@whwsd1wrof

@bnlvi0rsmj

@steampunkstarshipsafari90blog

@surrealistictechtales17blog

@2steampunksavvysiren37blog

@krispycrowntree

@voucwjryey

@luciaaleem1961blog

@qcmpdwv9ts

@2mplexltw6

@sz1uwxthzi

@laurenesmock1972blog

@rosalinetritsch1992blog

@chereesteinkirchner1950blog

@malindamadaras1996blog

@1cyberneticdreamscapehubblog

@neomasteinbrink1971blog

@neonfuturecityblog

@olindagunner1986blog

@neonnomadnirvanablog

@digitalcyborgquestblog

@freespiritfusionblog

@piacarriveau1990blog

@3technoartisticvisionsblog

@wanderlustwineblissblog

@oyqjfwb9nz

@maryannamarkus1983blog

@lashelldowhower2000blog

@ovibigrqrw

@3neonnightlifenostalgiablog

@ywldujyr6b

@giannaaziz1998blog

@yudacquel1961blog

@neotechcreationsblog

@wildernesswonderquest87blog

@cybertroncosmicflow93blog

@emeldaplessner1996blog

@neuralnetworkgallery78blog

@dunstanrohrich1957blog

@juanitazunino1965blog

@natoshaereaux1970blog

@aienhancedaestheticsblog

@techtrendytreks48blog

@cgvlrktikf

@digitaldimensiondioramablog

@pixelpaintedpanorama91blog

@futuristiccowboyshark

@digitaldreamscapevisionsblog

@janishoppin1950blog

The oldest ones have been created in March, started scraping in June/July, and later additions to the family have been created in July.

So, I have come to the conclusion that these accounts might be run by a combination of bot and human. Cyborg, if you will.

But it still doesn't answer my main question:

Who is running the whole operation?

The site itself gave us zero answers to work with.

No copyright, no link to the engine where the site is being used on, except for the sign in thingy (which I did.)

I gave the site a fake email and a shitty password.

Turns out it doesn't function like most sites that ask for an email and password.

Didn't check the burner email, the password isn't fully dotted and available for the whole world to see, and, and this is the important thing...

My browser didn't detect that this was an email and password thingy.

And there was no log off feature.

This could mean two things.

Either we have a site that doesn't have a functioning email and password database, or that we have a bunch of gullible people throwing their email and password in for people to potentially steal.

I can't confirm or deny these facts, because, again, the site has little to work with.

The code? Generic as all hell.

Tried searching for more information about this site, like the server it's on, or who owned the site, or something. ANYTHING.

Multiple sites pulled me in different directions. One site said it originates in Iceland. Others say its in California or Canada.

Luckily, the server it used was the same. Its powered by Cloudflare.

Unfortunately, I have no idea what to do with any of this information.

If you have any further information about this site, let me know.

Until there is a clear answer, we need to keep doing what we are doing.

Spread the word and report about these cretins.

If they want attention, then they are gonna get the worst attention.

[foldingfittedsheets]

One of the most memorable speeches I've ever heard was given at my beloved's graduation. They attended a pretty crunchy school natural medicine. They went for acupuncture but they also had many degrees including nutrition, naturopathic medicine, and most importantly to this story: midwifery.

The common consensus across campus was that the midwives operated on their own frequency which is a nice way to say they were usually really weird, even by the standards of a pretty alternative crowd of people. Not weird in a bad way. But weird nonetheless. They straddled the boundary between life and death and it changed them.

I had never experienced a midwife before the ceremony which is why I didn't think anything of the fact that a midwife stepped up to give the graduation speech. My friends nearby had a stir of repressed amusement and elbowing each other which did puzzle me slightly.

The speech began as a story, which I heartily approved of. The midwife related an experience in which a woman told her that during her first birth she had screamed too much and used up her energy in that instead of pushing and the midwife, to the collective masses assembled to watch a solemn ceremony, said, "I told her this time she would need to scream with her vagina."

The audience was slightly stunned by this, myself included. I scanned the crowd to see dropped jaws and wide eyes. It was such a bold statement to make in an academic setting and no one quite knew what to make of it.

The midwife continued unperturbed.

She related that many dads didn't know what to do during the birthing process and that this particular dad chose to chant over and over, "You're gonna be huge, you're gonna be huge," as his wife screamed with her vagina to birth their child. The midwife mused that she didn't know if he was talking to their child or his wife or if he even registered what he was saying in that moment.

Then the subject strayed toward how the student body had strained and striven toward this goal, this endgame that was the result of sleepless nights, hard work, and camaraderie. The speech seemed to have moved onto more solid ground and traditional graduation reminiscences. The crowd settled, thinking the worst had passed.

But as the midwife wrapped up she said, "As you go forth into the world, pushed out by this noble institution to help the masses, just remember one thing," she paused and the audience held their breath while the beat drew out before she finally whispered:

"You're gonna be huge."

There was a roar of astonished laughter as her speech neatly tied their graduation into a metaphor for being birthed unto the world and we finally understood the point of her anecdote.

The speech lives in infamy in all our collective memories. Years later my beloved's dad will still be like, "Remember that bizarre graduation speech?"

And it was. It was bizarre. But I'll say this. I've attended a lot of graduations, and I don't remember any of the speeches half so well as I do that one.

[starsofang]

Single Dad!Simon who vowed to never trust another woman again after his failed past. He was locked up with the key thrown away, permanently off of the market.

At least that’s what he’d told himself for years. Now, he was beginning to have cold feet.

Simon needed a nanny, one that he could trust completely. He didn’t play about his child, and he’d be damned if he got set up with someone of ill intentions.

But, he was desperate.

Price needed him back periodically, even after his retirement, and he agreed. After all, money was tight when he parented on his own with a growing child.

That was when you came in. Soap had been a pal and recommended an old family friend, somebody he knew Simon could trust with his kid. Simon was skeptical, of course, but Soap had never done him wrong. Reluctantly, he agreed.

Simon wanted to have a trial period to see if you were truly built for the task. He wouldn’t let you off easily. His child was his world, and women weren’t exactly in his deck of cards when it came to trust.

You were as sweet as honey upon the first meeting with a smile that could outdo the sun. Your voice was soft as rain, flowing out of you like a summer song. You spoke to him with the upmost respect, and even more so with his child.

Simon knew he could trust Soap in guaranteeing somebody safe. You were the perfect candidate. He just didn’t know it would lead into him feeling emotions he’d buried a long, long time ago.

Attraction. Interest. A crush, dare he say, like he was a stupid high school kid that just saw the prettiest girl in class and fell head over heels.

He had a silly crush on his child’s nanny when he fully intended to keep it short and professional. That was the way he operated. He was like a working machine, and you had undone his mechanics so easily to the point he struggled to function.

Seeing you with his child only caused his attraction to fester deeper. His child became attached to your hip, smiling more than they had ever done, rambling nonsense to him every time he returned home and you left to go to yours.

It was becoming hard to deny it. You opened an old wound of Simon’s, awakening that deep and dreadful loneliness he felt every passing day. Every smile, every laugh, every Mr. Riley even though you were close in age, all of it had him on the edge of his seat.

He wanted more. He was tired of denying himself happiness. The idea of pushing away every woman was still very vivid in his mind, but denying you just seemed criminal the more time passed.

“I never got to thank you for allowing me in to your home, Mr. Riley,” you told him one day, ever so sweet.

“Thought I told you to call me Simon,” he grunted, avoiding your eyes as the two of you stood in the doorway.

“Right. Simon,” you corrected with a radiant smile. “You have quite the kid, I’ll tell you that. I always look forward to coming over. It makes my day seeing the two of you.”

Simon could feel his heart pattering against his ribcage. His hands were sweaty, and he prayed you didn’t notice him swipe them along his jeans.

“Both of us?” he hummed.

“Of course. You’re just as exciting to see, too, Mr. Ri- Simon.”

Simon’s lips quirked up the slightest bit, but his heart was in his ass. For the first time in a long time, a woman was making him shy and nervous, and it didn’t feel as bad as it did before.

“You’re always free to come over for dinner,” he offered.

“That sounds great, I’d love to have dinner with the two of you!” you exclaimed, beaming.

He didn’t understand how you could be so bright yet so oblivious at the same time.

Simon cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably on the balls of his feet. “I meant, the two of us.”

You stared at him like he’d grown two heads, and he nearly slammed the door in your face from the sheer anxiety that spiked in him. He couldn’t read your mind or what you were feeling, and Simon wished he had never said anything to begin with.

“That sounds wonderful,” you said instead. Now it was Simon’s turn to stare at you crazy. “I’d love that.”

Simon realized he was staring too long, so he cleared his throat once again, giving you a brief nod and looking away. “Alright. I’ll text you a day and have Soap pick up the little monster for the night.”

When you agreed and left with the smile that made his heart ache, he didn’t waste a second in texting Soap, telling him he’d be on nanny duty for one night that week.

Soap was quick to agree, but not without a little “You’re welcome ;)” text back.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Kickstarting a book to end enshittification, because Amazon will not carry it

My next book is The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation: it’s a Big Tech disassembly manual that explains how to disenshittify the web and bring back the old good internet. The hardcover comes from Verso on Sept 5, but the audiobook comes from me — because Amazon refuses to sell my audio:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/the-internet-con-how-to-seize-the-means-of-computation

Amazon owns Audible, the monopoly audiobook platform that controls >90% of the audio market. They require mandatory DRM for every book sold, locking those books forever to Amazon’s monopoly platform. If you break up with Amazon, you have to throw away your entire audiobook library.

That’s a hell of a lot of leverage to hand to any company, let alone a rapacious monopoly that ran a program targeting small publishers called “Project Gazelle,” where execs were ordered to attack indie publishers “the way a cheetah would pursue a sickly gazelle”:

https://www.businessinsider.com/sadistic-amazon-treated-book-sellers-the-way-a-cheetah-would-pursue-a-sickly-gazelle-2013-10

[Image ID: Journalist and novelist Doctorow (Red Team Blues) details a plan for how to break up Big Tech in this impassioned and perceptive manifesto….Doctorow’s sense of urgency is contagious -Publishers Weekly]

I won’t sell my work with DRM, because DRM is key to the enshittification of the internet. Enshittification is why the old, good internet died and became “five giant websites filled with screenshots of the other four” (h/t Tom Eastman). When a tech company can lock in its users and suppliers, it can drain value from both sides, using DRM and other lock-in gimmicks to keep their business even as they grow ever more miserable on the platform.

Here is how platforms die: first, they are good to their users; then they abuse their users to make things better for their business customers; finally, they abuse those business customers to claw back all the value for themselves. Then, they die:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys

[Image ID: A brilliant barn burner of a book. Cory is one of the sharpest tech critics, and he shows with fierce clarity how our computational future could be otherwise -Kate Crawford, author of The Atlas of AI”]

The Internet Con isn’t just an analysis of where enshittification comes from: it’s a detailed, shovel-ready policy prescription for halting enshittification, throwing it into reverse and bringing back the old, good internet.

How do we do that? With interoperability: the ability to plug new technology into those crapulent, decaying platform. Interop lets you choose which parts of the service you want and block the parts you don’t (think of how an adblocker lets you take the take-it-or-leave “offer” from a website and reply with “How about nah?”):

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/07/adblocking-how-about-nah

But interop isn’t just about making platforms less terrible — it’s an explosive charge that demolishes walled gardens. With interop, you can leave a social media service, but keep talking to the people who stay. With interop, you can leave your mobile platform, but bring your apps and media with you to a rival’s service. With interop, you can break up with Amazon, and still keep your audiobooks.

So, if interop is so great, why isn’t it everywhere?

Well, it used to be. Interop is how Microsoft became the dominant operating system:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/06/adversarial-interoperability-reviving-elegant-weapon-more-civilized-age-slay

[Image ID: Nobody gets the internet-both the nuts and bolts that make it hum and the laws that shaped it into the mess it is-quite like Cory, and no one’s better qualified to deliver us a user manual for fixing it. That’s The Internet Con: a rousing, imaginative, and accessible treatise for correcting our curdled online world. If you care about the internet, get ready to dedicate yourself to making interoperability a reality. -Brian Merchant, author of Blood in the Machine]

It’s how Apple saved itself from Microsoft’s vicious campaign to destroy it:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/06/adversarial-interoperability-reviving-elegant-weapon-more-civilized-age-slay

Every tech giant used interop to grow, and then every tech giant promptly turned around and attacked interoperators. Every pirate wants to be an admiral. When Big Tech did it, that was progress; when you do it back to Big Tech, that’s piracy. The tech giants used their monopoly power to make interop without permission illegal, creating a kind of “felony contempt of business model” (h/t Jay Freeman).

The Internet Con describes how this came to pass, but, more importantly, it tells us how to fix it. It lays out how we can combine different kinds of interop requirements (like the EU’s Digital Markets Act and Massachusetts’s Right to Repair law) with protections for reverse-engineering and other guerrilla tactics to create a system that is strong without being brittle, hard to cheat on and easy to enforce.

What’s more, this book explains how to get these policies: what existing legislative, regulatory and judicial powers can be invoked to make them a reality. Because we are living through the Great Enshittification, and crises erupt every ten seconds, and when those crises occur, the “good ideas lying around” can move from the fringes to the center in an eyeblink:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/12/only-a-crisis/#lets-gooooo

[Image ID: Thoughtfully written and patiently presented, The Internet Con explains how the promise of a free and open internet was lost to predatory business practices and the rush to commodify every aspect of our lives. An essential read for anyone that wants to understand how we lost control of our digital spaces and infrastructure to Silicon Valley’s tech giants, and how we can start fighting to get it back. -Tim Maughan, author of INFINITE DETAIL]

After all, we’ve known Big Tech was rotten for years, but we had no idea what to do about it. Every time a Big Tech colossus did something ghastly to millions or billions of people, we tried to fix the tech company. There’s no fixing the tech companies. They need to burn. The way to make users safe from Big Tech predators isn’t to make those predators behave better — it’s to evacuate those users:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/18/urban-wildlife-interface/#combustible-walled-gardens

I’ve been campaigning for human rights in the digital world for more than 20 years; I’ve been EFF’s European Director, representing the public interest at the EU, the UN, Westminster, Ottawa and DC. This is the subject I’ve devoted my life to, and I live my principles. I won’t let my books be sold with DRM, which means that Audible won’t carry my audiobooks. My agent tells me that this decision has cost me enough money to pay off my mortgage and put my kid through college. That’s a price I’m willing to pay if it means that my books aren’t enshittification bait.

But not selling on Audible has another cost, one that’s more important to me: a lot of readers prefer audiobooks and 9 out of 10 of those readers start and end their searches on Audible. When they don’t find an author there, they assume no audiobook exists, period. It got so bad I put up an audiobook on Amazon — me, reading an essay, explaining how Audible rips off writers and readers. It’s called “Why None of My Audiobooks Are For Sale on Audible”:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/25/can-you-hear-me-now/#acx-ripoff

[Image ID: Doctorow has been thinking longer and smarter than anyone else I know about how we create and exchange value in a digital age. -Douglas Rushkoff, author of Present Shock]

To get my audiobooks into readers’ ears, I pre-sell them on Kickstarter. This has been wildly successful, both financially and as a means of getting other prominent authors to break up with Amazon and use crowdfunding to fill the gap. Writers like Brandon Sanderson are doing heroic work, smashing Amazon’s monopoly:

https://www.brandonsanderson.com/guest-editorial-cory-doctorow-is-a-bestselling-author-but-audible-wont-carry-his-audiobooks/

And to be frank, I love audiobooks, too. I swim every day as physio for a chronic pain condition, and I listen to 2–3 books/month on my underwater MP3 player, disappearing into an imaginary world as I scull back and forth in my public pool. I’m able to get those audiobooks on my MP3 player thanks to Libro.fm, a DRM-free store that supports indie booksellers all over the world:

https://blog.libro.fm/a-qa-with-mark-pearson-libro-fm-ceo-and-co-founder/

Producing my own audiobooks has been a dream. Working with Skyboat Media, I’ve gotten narrators like @wilwheaton​, Amber Benson, @neil-gaiman​ and Stefan Rudnicki for my work:

https://craphound.com/shop/

[Image ID: “This book is the instruction manual Big Tech doesn’t want you to read. It deconstructs their crummy products, undemocratic business models, rigged legal regimes, and lies. Crack this book and help build something better. -Astra Taylor, author of Democracy May Not Exist, but We’ll Miss It When Its Gone”]

But for this title, I decided that I would read it myself. After all, I’ve been podcasting since 2006, reading my own work aloud every week or so, even as I traveled the world and gave thousands of speeches about the subject of this book. I was excited (and a little trepedatious) at the prospect, but how could I pass up a chance to work with director Gabrielle de Cuir, who has directed everyone from Anne Hathaway to LeVar Burton to Eric Idle?

Reader, I fucking nailed it. I went back to those daily recordings fully prepared to hate them, but they were good — even great (especially after my engineer John Taylor Williams mastered them). Listen for yourself!

https://archive.org/details/cory_doctorow_internet_con_chapter_01

I hope you’ll consider backing this Kickstarter. If you’ve ever read my free, open access, CC-licensed blog posts and novels, or listened to my podcasts, or come to one of my talks and wished there was a way to say thank you, this is it. These crowdfunders make my DRM-free publishing program viable, even as audiobooks grow more central to a writer’s income and even as a single company takes over nearly the entire audiobook market.

Backers can choose from the DRM-free audiobook, DRM-free ebook (EPUB and MOBI) and a hardcover — including a signed, personalized option, fulfilled through the great LA indie bookstore Book Soup:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/the-internet-con-how-to-seize-the-means-of-computation

What’s more, these ebooks and audiobooks are unlike any you’ll get anywhere else because they are sold without any terms of service or license agreements. As has been the case since time immemorial, when you buy these books, they’re yours, and you are allowed to do anything with them that copyright law permits — give them away, lend them to friends, or simply read them with any technology you choose.

As with my previous Kickstarters, backers can get their audiobooks delivered with an app (from libro.fm) or as a folder of MP3s. That helps people who struggle with “sideloading,” a process that Apple and Google have made progressively harder, even as they force audiobook and ebook sellers to hand over a 30% app tax on every dollar they make:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/red-team-blues-another-audiobook-that-amazon-wont-sell/posts/3788112

Enshittification is rotting every layer of the tech stack: mobile, payments, hosting, social, delivery, playback. Every tech company is pulling the rug out from under us, using the chokepoints they built between audiences and speakers, artists and fans, to pick all of our pockets.

The Internet Con isn’t just a lament for the internet we lost — it’s a plan to get it back. I hope you’ll get a copy and share it with the people you love, even as the tech platforms choke off your communities to pad their quarterly numbers.

Next weekend (Aug 4-6), I'll be in Austin for Armadillocon, a science fiction convention, where I'm the Guest of Honor:

https://armadillocon.org/d45/

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this thread to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/31/seize-the-means-of-computation/#the-internet-con

[Image ID: My forthcoming book 'The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation' in various editions: Verso hardcover, audiobook displayed on a phone, and ebook displayed on an e-ink reader.]

[salemlunaa]

☀︎ YOU’RE NOT BEING PRODUCTIVE, YOU’RE LAZY AND AFRAID ☀︎

And this will cost you a lot of time that could be spent with your desires…

You have all the information, why aren’t you applying. You tell me you have been in this community for 6 months, a year, 2 years+, but how many of those days you’ve spent in this community have you actually applied, how many of those nights did you actually apply and don’t just fall asleep after 5 seconds.

And i know why you’re lazy, it’s because you’re scared, you’re scared of inducing process, whether it be success or failure. You make yourself busy with scripts and subliminals, “i’ll script this really cool thing first”, “i’ll scroll a little on tumblr first” “lemme just look at the success story hashtag before i do it, it really motivates me” You try and distract your self, you delude yourself into thinking you’re being productive but really you don’t want to, if you wanted to you wouldn’t be here and I will ALWAYS stand by that. You put it off until the last minute and then when it “doesn’t work” you run back to tumblr acting like you actually did anything.

a really good analogy from @archsariel333 - “you buy the pens, the notebook, you plan for the book you’re going to write but, you never write it”

“let me just add this one thing to the plan”, “let me look at inspo for book covers and art styles for illustration”, “let me go to my book writers group on tumblr and see if they have anymore advice for me even tho i know how to write a fucking book”

I know it’s comforting and validating to be in the “waiting period”, the period of anticipation. You want to go shopping for a vacation, pack your suitcase, look at reviews on social media, plan the pics you’re going to take, but getting on the actual plane can be scary, you ask yourself “what if they deny my boarding pass”, “what if i fail to make it on time”, “what if im not eligible to fly for whatever reason”, you don’t want to leave your comforting circumstances and even the trip itself scares you just a little, so you cope by buying all the vacation outfits in the world, saving inspo pics into a pinterest board, looking at vlogs of other people going to that place. You can’t bring yourself to get on the fucking plane.

You need to apply, and properly, 2024 is almost over, the amount of weeks we have left isn’t even in the double digits anymore, I don’t want you to make it to the end of this DECADE still keeping the tumblr “foryou” page company, watching people coming and going feeling paralysed as people who came here later than you pass you by. I know the feeling sucks but whose fault is that?

I want you to scrap the amount you’ve been here. Since you’re the operant power right? I don’t care how many weeks, months, years you’ve been here, scrap it, you’re going to start afresh and you’re going to actually apply, when you have the time, you’re not going to go back to your notes app, notion or pinterest to script some more, you’re going to apply.

A lot of you have the knowledge that majority of the world doesn’t and time on your hands, do you know how powerful and extremely fortunate you are, to have time AND knowledge? i don’t think alot of you understand how much of a privilege that is you are unstoppable yet you stop yourself out of fear that you will “fail” to tap into the void and let yourself down. You are so privileged to know what you know and to have the time to apply it, so do it, your not gonna scroll on tiktok for a few more minutes or shove a million subliminals down your throat to “prep yourself” you’re just going to take a breath and do it. Induce pure consciousness, and if you fall asleep scrap that assumption and do it again.

Look at your life right now, do you honestly like it, do you like envying others for having what you can have at the snap of your fingers. Do you like the life you are living?

I want you to tell yourself that you will not be the reason for your own demise. you will NOT be the reason that it’s 2026,27,28 and so on and you don’t have what you want.

please just go and apply, i don’t even know you guys and it hurts watching you kill time when you could’ve had everything a day ago, an hour ago heck even 5 minutes ago.

apply apply apply, don’t let this feeling be the reason you “fail” 💋🍑

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

the art & science of parenting 101 ─ p. js

↳ summary ── the art & science of parenting 101 (PSY1009): in this interactive course, students will explore the psychological, social, and biological foundations of parenthood. through a mix of theory and hands-on practice, you'll master the art of raising a simulated baby—aka the 'robot child'. late-night feedings, tantrum taming, and crisis control are all part of the deal.   what you didn't expect to be part of the deal? getting paired with jay park—the last person you'd trust to raise, well, anything. you’re pretty sure he couldn’t even take care of a pet rock. now, you’re stuck co-parenting this robot baby together for 40% of your final grade.  warning: sleep deprivation is guaranteed. and maybe, just maybe, some unexpected feelings for your disaster of a partner. good luck! 

↳ pairing ── jay park x y/n [ft. enha members!]

↳ genre ── e2l!au, college!au, (fake)parenting!au, he-fell-first, she-fell-harder type beat lolz || fluff, crack

↳ ✎ᝰ. 20.5k [ONCE AGAIN -- this was not intentional..if you know me i just have too much fun writing sometimes & get too attached to the characters...]

↳ contains ── mentions of parenting & parental neglect (sorta, only a smidge of like five words), crack! bc if you know me i self indulge in crack whoops, jay & y/n being opposites & school rivals, jay's annoying smirk like a million times, reader & jay are psych majors, jay's also a photographer, cheesy ass kisses, jay & reader are awkward! so awkward! there’s SO much tension . but in a cute awkward crush way

↳ addie's ✉ .ᐟ ── omg it’s finally done. tell me why it took me so long to finish, i promise i didn’t mean to but life’s been busier lately :’) aNyways! ugh i luv writing e2l!jay for some reason,,,he fits the trope so well in my eyes heh but i hope you all like him & the characters as much as i enjoyed writing them !!! as busy as i am i love indulging in my crack x enha writes :P hope u enjoy & tell me what you think <333

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・

Welcome to PSY1009, The Art & Science of Parenting 101! Throughout the next 12 weeks, we’re going to dive deep into the wondrous world of parenting—dirty diapers and all. To kick off our course, we’re starting with our campus-famous project: raising your very own robot baby for the first half of the semester (with the help of your assigned partner, of course). Before our first class, we ask that you complete this pre-project questionnaire on your current views and opinions about parenting. No pressure—there are no right or wrong answers (maybe only judgements from your future robot offspring)!

Q1 – The Art & Science of Parenting 101 aims to apply different psychological approaches to parenting. What theories and methods do you believe are important to parenting? 

Y/N's Submission [8:25AM, September 18th]:

"I strongly believe that effective parenting revolves around a strict routine, which can be reinforced through the principles of operant conditioning, as developed by B.F. Skinner. Proper feeding schedules, consistent nap times, and regular development check-ins are essential—I think a structured timetable would ensure a baby's needs are met efficiently and consistently. With a set schedule and a focus on developmental milestones, I believe we can maximize a child's growth potential, even if it's just a robot baby.”

Q2 – What do you expect to learn and gain out of this co-parenting experience?  

Y/N's Submission [8:29AM, September 18th]:  

"I expect to confirm that a well-organized system is the key to successful parenting. I want to test my hypothesis that if you follow a set structure, yes, even with a robot baby, things will run smoothly. I am hoping that this experience runs smoothly with no unnecessary surprises.” 

✭・.・✫

Satisfied with your answers, you click 'submit' and close your laptop, feeling a wave of satisfaction as you settle into your seat—center of the second row—as you wait for the 9AM lecture to start.  

It's 8:30AM.  

You're the only one in the room.  

Yeah, you're a little early. So what? One can never be too prepared. You've waited for this course forever, and you're determined to not only ace it (like you do with every class) but to dominate. So yes, coming early is characteristic of you, as you want to ensure you get the best seat in the classroom: center of the second row—center to get the best view of the professor's podium, and second row to be close enough to show you're engaged, but not close enough that it screams, Look at me, I'm a tryhard!  

It's clear you've come prepared. Plus, this class isn't just any ordinary elective—it's the elective to take. Only the top students majoring in psychology get in, available only through direct invite by the professor. If you were invited to PSY1009, it meant you were the crème de la crème of psychology students. The best of the best. The elite. The— 

Your train of thought is derailed when an all-too-familiar figure strolls into the room with that signature smirk. Backpack slung lazily over one (1) shoulder (as if two straps are too much effort), hair clearly still bedhead status, wearing whatever clothes he fished off The Chair (you know, the one—where all questionable, semi-clean laundry lives). 

He strolls past you—of course—and plops down right in front of you.

Front row.  

Try-hard. 

"Y/N, fancy seeing you here," Jay Park spins around, a knowing look plastered on his face, eyes gleaming. "I missed seeing that frown of yours all summer." 

"What are you doing here, Jay?" You roll your eyes and scoff at his comment. "Don't tell me you got into this class. It's for serious students."  

Jay's grin only widens to your despair. "Contrary to your deeply misinformed opinion, Professor Kim actually loves me. I'm a great student."  

“I don’t believe it,” you deadpan back. “You never turn your assignments in on time, and quite frankly, I'm surprised you were even able to find this classroom."  

Jay shrugs, unfazed. "What can I say? Professor Kim doesn't just look at deadlines, she looks at talent. Guess that says a lot about me, huh?"  

You mumble something under your breath about ‘talent for procrastination’ but before he can fire back, Professor Kim walks into the room, cuing the silence of all the students who've filled up the class.  

"Good morning, class! I'm so happy to see so many familiar faces."  

Jay turns his head back towards the front of the room, as you instantly straighten up, flashing your favorite professor a smile. This is officially the fifth course you've taken with Professor Kim. It's no secret you’re one of her biggest fans—the countless early mornings you've spent waiting at your computer, finger hovering over the ‘enroll’ button the second registration opens so you can be one of the first students to sign up for her classes have proven that. Challenging but rewarding, her classes are always worth the effort.

And yet, for reasons beyond your comprehension, Jay Park—Jay Freaking Park—somehow always ends up in the same classes. Every. Single. Time. It’s like a curse.  

A loud, messy, procrastinating curse…

…that just so happens to have a side profile almost as annoyingly good that it only pisses you off more. 

You wonder if he’s actually here to learn or if he’s just here to spite you. Because, honestly, the amount of classes you’ve shared with him is no longer a coincidence. Five semesters in a row? Suspicious. 

But realistically, and unfortunately, Jay does study the same major as you, which means those last five semesters? Oh, those were five long semesters of endless debates on discussion boards, in-class duels over psychological theories, and the infamous showdown for the TA position in Professor Kim's Intro to Psychology course. And the worst part? Neither of you got the job because Professor Kim—in a diplomatic twist that made zero sense to you—deemed you both 'equally qualified.' So, the job went to the third best candidate instead. Tough luck.  

You open up your laptop again, opening a perfectly organized Google Doc, ready to take notes on whatever pearls of wisdom Professor Kim is currently bestowing about your upcoming project—which, in hindsight, you should really be paying attention to. You should be. But something so ridiculous, so blood-boiling, pulls your attention elsewhere.  

Jay's desk is completely...empty. 

No laptop. No notebook. Not even a measly little pencil. Did he bring an empty backpack? Or did he just walk in here like he's casually waiting for someone to present him his grade on a silver platter? He's just sitting there like this is a casual hangout—probably expecting his robot baby to parent itself while he simply supervises.  

Before your self-induced inner monologue spirals into complete rage, you suddenly hear your professor's voice cut through the class, breaking you out of your mental rant.  

"Y/N and Jay." 

Wait. What?

Your head snaps up so fast it's a miracle it didn't pop off your neck and roll away.

You blink. You must have misheard.

"Y/N and Jay," Professor Kim repeats as if she could read your confused expression, voice too nonchalant for the life-wrecking news she's about to deliver: "You two are partners."  

The words hit you like a bus. No, not even. The words hit you like a bus driven by a T-Rex that flips over, crashes into a building, and explodes into a million ashy pieces. And there you are—standing right in the middle of the wreckage, somehow (and unfortunately) still alive to suffer through every second of it—while Jay, smug as ever, whips around in his seat to face you.  

And of course, there it is: that look of his that screams 'This is going to be so much fun for me, and so much pain for you.' 

"Guess we're parents now, Y/N!" Jay chimes, his voice dripping with so much sarcastic enthusiasm you swear he just got handed an Oscar for Most Annoying Human. If that tone were a substance, you'd bottle it up and use it as insect repellent. On him. Repeatedly.  

You blink at him, you're sure—you're praying—this has to be some elaborate prank. Maybe Jay bribed Professor Kim with his rare attempt at turning in an assignment on time just to mess with you. Or maybe the universe just hates you and this is your karma for stealing your roommate's last ramen packet that one time a year ago.  

But no, Professor Kim keeps rattling off other pairs like it's business as usual, as if your entire academic career and sanity isn't currently being flushed down a metaphorical toilet, while you sit there, paralyzed, your brain rapidly melting into a useless puddle from the sheer thought of being paired with him.  

"What's wrong, Y/N?" Jay teases as he leans over the back of his chair towards you, puppy dog eyes on display. "You don't want to play house with me?"  

You narrow your eyes at him, mentally wielding your imaginary bug spray like it's a holy weapon. 

"I don’t," you reply flatly. "In fact, I’d rather perform open-heart surgery on myself with a plastic spoon than co-parent with you." 

Jay’s eyes light up as his hand goes to his heart. "Aw, you really know how to make a guy feel special. This is why I like our little relationship, you know?" 

"Relationship?" You scoff loud enough to make the people sitting three rows behind you to glance in your direction.

You bring your voice down to a whisper, leaning towards him. "The only thing we have in common is a shared oxygen supply." 

"See, that’s the spirit," he says, turning back to face the front like he didn't just ruin your life.

And somehow, that pisses you off even more. Is it his voice? His stupidly perfect hair? The fact that he has the audacity to breathe in your general direction? At this point, he could literally sneeze, and it would still feel like a personal attack.

Is it too late to switch majors? Or schools? Maybe even countries? Surely, restarting your entire college career as a super senior would be better than spending the next six weeks parenting with Jay. Jay Park, who has probably never held anything more fragile than a Red Solo Cup.  

Jay Park, who is just sitting there, all calm and collected, clearly loving every second of your misery.  

While you're frozen in pure, unadulterated horror.  

Your grade? Plummeting as we speak.  Your robot baby? Probably going to need therapy by day two. And you?  

You're screwed.

Q1 – The Art & Science of Parenting 101 aims to apply different psychological approaches to parenting. What are your current theories and methods that you believe are important to parenting? 

Jay’s Submission [10:09AM, September 18th]: 

"I think babies need more freedom to explore and make their own choices, even if that just means grabbing random things. Bowlby's attachment theory leans towards a secure attachment, but I don't think that means hovering over them 24/7. It's about being there when they really need you, not scheduling every second of the day. I also believe letting babies learn through their own experiences is key. Strict behaviorism, such as Skinner's, sounds exhausting and I don't think a rigid system is what makes a good parent. Babies are messy, and that's okay." 

Q2 – What do you expect to learn and gain from this experience? 

Jay's Submission [10:12AM, September 18th]:  

"I'm hoping to learn how to be a responsive, yet flexible parent without overcomplicating it. The goal is to find balance between being hands-on without hovering. And, I think this whole robot baby thing will teach me how to handle unpredictable situations—because no matter how much you plan, life is going to surprise you. And also, being able to say I know how to change a diaper under 30 seconds sounds pretty cool :)" 

✭・.・✫

Jay's screwed.  

Like, completely, utterly, hopelessly screwed. 

He was already kinda skeptical he’d make it past his 40s if he kept living the way he does, but now? Now, he’s not even sure he’ll survive the next 24 hours. Why? Well, today’s the first official meeting with you—as co-parents—at the campus coffee shop at 12PM sharp. 

It's 12:17PM.  

He's late.  

Seventeen whole minutes late. To your meeting. And you're basically the human embodiment of an atomic clock. You’re probably sitting there, checking your watch every few seconds, calculating his absence down to the millisecond. Jay can practically feel the murderous vibes you’re radiating from halfway across campus.  

And while Jay sometimes finds your need for punctuality weirdly endearing (but don't tell anyone that), he also values not getting scolded on a Saturday morning (12PM is still morning to him, don't judge), especially when he could be sleeping in.   

As the café comes into view, Jay considers just throwing the towel in. Maybe he could fake a sudden illness, or better yet, skip town and maybe fake his own death or something. 

There's no point. Knowing you, you'd probably hunt him down for sport.  

With a sigh, Jay pushes open the door to the café, bracing himself for impact.  

And there you are. Exactly how he imagined.  

Seated at a small table by the window, papers perfectly aligned, laptop open, and two different colored highlighters placed meticulously side by side. Your foot taps in perfect sync with the café's background music, your eyebrows knitted together in focus, and your teeth chewing your bottom lip as if you're about to crack the Krabby Patty secret formula. The window next to you allows the afternoon sunlight to spill through and reflect off of you, making you look...dare he say it...almost pretty.

If Jay wasn't fearing for his life, he might have actually stopped to admire the view. Might have.  

When Jay finally reaches your table—17 minutes and 46 seconds late (but who's counting)—you look up, meeting his gaze with a look that's somewhere between not surprised but definitely not impressed. 

"Well, well," you say, quirking your mouth up ever so slightly that Jay thinks he might see you smile for the first time in, like, ever. "Look who finally decided to join us! Must be nice living on Jay Standard Time."  

Jay flashes his usual, unbothered smile as he pulls out the chair across from you.

"Oh, c'mon, Y/N. Seventeen minutes is nothing in the grand scheme of life."  

"Yeah? Tell that to our future robot baby when you're seventeen minutes late to feed it and its batteries die."  

"Yikes. That got dark quick," Jay's mutters, grin wavering. "But hey, glad to see you're finally accepting the fact that it's our future baby!"  

"Future robot baby," you peer your eyes at him from above your laptop. "Anyways, did you read the guidelines?"  

Jay rubs the back of his neck as he leans back into his chair. "Uh, define 'read'."  

Without missing a beat, you slap a packet of papers down on the table.

"Here's the breakdown. Feeding schedules, emotional development tracker, diaper changes, mood swings—the whole shebang. We're going to have to approach this strategically."  

"Woah, okay," Jay's eyebrows shoot up, his brain trying to catch up with the words you just spewed at him. "First, how the heck is a robot going to develop emotionally—that's a little scary if you ask me. Like, dystopian, Black Mirror, scary. And second, since when is parenting just following a spreadsheet? Isn't part of it, you know, winging it?"  

At the words 'winging it', your eye twitches so violently, Jay half-expects you to reach across the table and strangle him with his own hoodie strings. 

"Winging it?" You shut your laptop and lean forward. "Winging it is exactly how we end up with a malfunctioning robot baby that starts a fire and fails us. Parenting is all about structure, consistency—"  

"—and having a little fun," Jay cuts in, mouth quirked with mischief. "I mean, what's parenting without some chaos?"  

"Chaos," you mutter, narrowing your eyes at him, "is what you bring into my life on a daily basis."  

"Yeah, and yet you secretly love it," Jay shoots back, leaning in to meet you, as if daring you to disagree.  

You stare at him, unblinking. It's either you're plotting his slow and painful demise or seriously considering what he just said. No in-between.  

And yet, somehow, Jay almost finds it endearing how you can look like the world's most innocent golden retriever while also simultaneously sending him six feet under with just one agonizing glare. Almost.  

Finally, you sigh, "This isn't a joke, Jay. This is 40% of our grade."  

"And I'm 100% ready!" Jay shoots back with a wink, to which you respond with a full-body eye roll.  

"Oh yeah? Alright, Mr. Ready-for-Anything, what's your brilliant plan?"

"Hmm," Jay leans back in his seat, folding his arms behind his head as if he's got it all figured out (he doesn't). "Well, for one, I was thinking maybe...shifts. We split responsibilities based on our schedules. I'll take the baby on certain hours, you take it other hours, and we'll spend our free days together. And if we're not together and there's a baby crisis, we stay on call." 

In complete honesty, that came from out of nowhere. Jay didn't even know any ideas were subconsciously cooking up within him until the words tumbled out of his mouth before he realized it. But there's no way he was going to tell you that, not when you don't immediately tear his idea to shreds. In fact, you actually look...impressed? 

Or so he thinks. Jay definitely needs to get better at this whole 'reading your expressions' thing.  

"Huh," you murmur to yourself, fingers tapping against the table. "That's...not the worst idea you've ever had."  

Jay feels elated. Validation? From you? Phew, this means his life is spared. Thank god.  

Jay flashes you a satisfied smile and while you don't return it, he hopes you're secretly softening. Just a little. Behind that straight face, you're probably low-key impressed, but no way are you letting him see that.  

"Don't get too excited," you say, as if you've got some sixth sense for whenever Jay throws a mental victory parade. "This is only day one. Of, like, 42. We've got a long way to go."  

"Okay, okay," Jay raises his hands in surrender, though there's no hiding the smirk on his face as he still mentally takes the win. "Message received. Let's just figure out our schedules?"  

You nod, pushing your laptop aside to make space for a sheet of paper you've already prepared—because of course you're prepared. It's like you're about to whip up some elaborate high-stakes legal contract that probably involves blood signatures.

"Okay," you say, clicking your pen, picking a bright blue that basically stabs Jay's eyes by simply existing, but whatever makes you happy, I guess.

You write 'Jay's Schedule' at the top, neatly highlighting it with a pink highlighter that somehow hurts even more. Jay wonders if this is a secret ploy to blind him into submission. He wouldn't put it past you.  

"What's your typical weekly schedule like?"  

Jay squints, clearly thinking hard, as he tries to remember what a 'typical' week looks like for him. Mostly it's a mix of spontaneous decisions, power naps, and gym sessions sprinkled between classes.  

"Uh...well," Jay rubs the back of his neck. "I usually sleep in until like 11...sometimes noon, depends on the vibe, you know? Classes after that, gym a couple times a week, maybe? And, um, naps are non-negotiable. Make sure you pencil those in too."  

Your pen freezes mid-air, hovering like you're considering whether to throw it at his face or not.  

"Naps? Non-negotiable? For someone who wakes up at 11AM? We're raising a child, Jay, this requires commitment!"  

Jay raises a calm eyebrow. "Hey, sleep is very important for brain function! You wouldn't want me underperforming as a parent, right?"  

Your eye twitches. "No, Jay. That's already my biggest fear."  

But instead of escalating the snark, you bite your lip, clearly restraining yourself from unleashing a full lecture on time management. Jay struggles to stifle his own laugh at your reaction. If looks could kill, you'd have him buried under six feet of color-coded charts and to-do lists by now.  

Finally, you sigh, accepting your fate and jotting down ‘Jay’s naps: apparently crucial for survival’ in your notes with a frown drawn next to it, while Jay gives you an approving nod from across the table. 

"Alright, my turn," you flip the page over with dramatic flair, carefully writing 'Y/N's Schedule' in the same stab-your-eyes-blue and pink highlight combo as Jay mentally braces himself for what's to come.  

"So," you continue, starting with that no-nonsense tone that's clearly meant to be serious—but to Jay, there's something almost charming about how strict you are. "I wake up at 6."  

Jay's brain immediately short-circuits. Forget charming.

You’re downright crazy. 

"6? As in AM? On purpose?"  

You blink back at him, as if he's the one saying something ridiculous.

"Yes, Jay. On purpose."  

His mind reels, purely amazed, yet utterly horrified at the thought. 6AM? Who does that? He's seen 6AM before, sure, but only when he's stayed up all night, probably cramming for an exam. His mornings start at 10AM at best, and that's very, very rarely. There are birds chirping at 6AM. Who wants to live in a world where birds chirp you awake?  

When he doesn't respond—still in pure shock—you keep going, undeterred by his obvious existential crisis.

"I usually have class at 8AM until 1PM, then I try to pick up a shift here," you gesture around the very café you two are in, "and then—"  

"Wait, wait," Jay holds up a hand, needing a mental pause button. "You work here?"  

"Yeah," you nod, like it's the most casual thing ever. "Why, is that surprising?"  

Jay squints at you. He's never considered the idea of you pulling espresso shots and dealing with caffeine-deprived college students—he's always pegged you more as a 'quiet math tutor for third-graders' type. Or maybe someone who sells cute stationery at the campus bookstore, organizing pens in rainbow order or something. But now that he's picturing it, yeah, it kind of makes sense. Maybe that's why you're so uptight all the time—too much exposure to coffee fumes. Or, more likely (and evidently), you're just an insanely busy person.  

He likes the coffee fumes theory better.  

"I guess not," he admits, then surprises even himself by adding, "that's kind of impressive, though."  

He gives you a genuine smile, and you blink back, as if searching for the hidden jab that's usually lurking beneath his words. But it's not there this time...oddly. Slowly, your expression softens, and you give him the tiniest of smiles.

"Thanks? It's alright, I guess."  

It's nothing big—no, not at all—but Jay feels a weird sense of accomplishment at your reaction. Better than nothing. 

He leans in over the table, all faux-innocence—eyebrows raises, large puppy eyes and all.

"Does this mean you can get me a free coffee?"  

You lean in too, mirroring him, and he's not sure why his heart skips a beat at the close proximity. 

"Yeah...no. Nice try."  

Jay groans, throwing himself back in his chair dramatically. Worth a shot.  

"Anyway," you continue, totally unfazed, "I usually work here until 5, then Mondays I have a study group for Econ 301, and club meetings scattered throughout the week."  

Jay's head spins for maybe the nth time since he's sat down. Honestly, you lost him way back at 'class until 1PM.' Your schedule is like some kind of twisted Sudoku puzzle, except much more intimidating.  

"So...you're, like, busy...all the time?" he asks, the words tumbling out of his mouth as his brain tries to process how anyone can function like this.  

You give him a look that almost convinces Jay himself that he's the crazy one here.

"Yes, Jay. I am."  

"Wow, okay. So why did you even take this class? What happened to being committed? You don't even have time to breathe."  

You narrow your eyes, and he swears you're about to launch into some motivational TedTalk.

"It's called efficiency, Jay. Also, I like to challenge myself. That's what parenthood is about, after all."

Jay stares at you like you've just self-declared yourself a cyborg.

"Oookayyy," he drawls, dragging out the word because, honestly, he's 99% sure you've completely lost it. The remaining 1%?  

It's slightly impressed by your sheer, terrifying level of commitment. He's over here winging life, including this conversation, while you've practically mapped out the rest of your entire existence. 

"Do you even, like, sleep? Or is that optional for you?"  

"Sleep is for the weak," you shoot him an amused glance, half-joking, half-serious.

Jay raises an eyebrow. "Good to know I'm weak, then."  

You stifle a laugh, but Jay catches the brief twitch of your lips before you quickly compose yourself. He’s known you for so long, and yet, this might be the first time he’s seen even a hint of your guard slipping. It’s subtle, barely there, but he notices. And for some reason, it makes him smile. You’re always so put together, so serious—but this small crack in your armor? Jay can’t help but appreciate it.  

Maybe, just maybe, he could get you to soften up more if he tried hard enough.

And yeah, he’s definitely going to try. 

But before he can try to tease you more, you snap back into business mode, instantly scribbling down more notes.

"Alright, so let’s just split the baby's care based on my work schedule and your...nap schedule, apparently."  

Jay leans back in his chair, catching that flicker of amusement in your voice—despite the serious look on your face—and he fights the urge to push a little more. There's something about that side of you—not the one behind the cold wall you've built of color-coded schedules and deadlines—that he wants to see more of. Somehow.  

"Works for me,” he shrugs and grins at you, “but if the baby's anything like me, it'll nap a lot. You might have it easy."

"And if it’s anything like me,” you mutter, barely pausing, “then it’ll easily get annoyed by you.”

Jay catches the ghost of a smile on your face, barely noticeable unless you were looking for it—which he definitely is. It’s enough to keep him intrigued. He leans forward, resting his chin in his hand like he’s watching some fascinating show. 

You don’t notice him staring—or maybe you do, but you’re too busy pretending you don’t. Either way, there’s a small, almost imperceptible shift in your body language that Jay senses. Your shoulders aren’t as tense, and you don’t look like you’re mentally calculating how many minutes you have left before you can escape this meeting.

Jay decides to take advantage of the moment. “So…do you think our robot baby is also going to be a superhuman genius? Like in a you way?” 

You finally let out a laugh, to his surprise, and he feels so satisfied he has to bite his lip to hold back a smile. “Definitely, but also part crazy. Like in a you way.” 

Jay chuckles, mentally declaring this conversation a victory. Your laugh fades but for a split second, he catches you studying his face like you’re trying to figure out what his deal is. And he doesn’t mind it at all—because, for once, you’re not giving him the usual death glare that sometimes seems permanently reserved for him.

Then, just as he starts to settle into this very rare, almost… pleasant vibe between you two, you suddenly snap back to reality, capping your pen and standing up. 

Jay frowns as he watches as you turn towards the coffee bar, not ready for this conversation to end just yet.  

"Wait, where are you going?" he blurts out, sounding more tragic than intended. 

You pause, turning back with a look that sends his pulse tripping.

"Do you want a free coffee or not?"  

The following Monday, at exactly 9:55AM, you and Jay are handed your robot baby—Jisoo, as Jay somehow convinces you to name it after his favorite celebrity—at the end of your class.  

You didn't even try to put up a fight. The moment Jay's eyes lit up at the idea, you knew you'd already lost. After three whole minutes of bickering and one PowerPoint titled 'Why Our Baby Deserves to be Named After Star Quality,' you realized there was no saving it. He had arguments. He had fan chants memorized. For a robot baby. Your robot baby. 

"Admit it, Jisoo has star quality," Jay beams, proudly looking down at the robotic baby in the baby carrier that came with her.  

You look from Jisoo to Jay, then back to Jisoo, unimpressed. "It's a robot, Jay. Not your bias."  

"Bias or not, she deserves only the best," Jay just shrugs, unbothered.

He glances down at the robot, which blinks its eyes open and closed with a soft whirring noise, its chubby plastic arms flopping lifelessly by its sides.  

There's a beat of silence as you both stare down at it, unsure of what to do next.  

"It's kind of creepy, right?" you finally mutter, breaking the knowing silence between you two.  

Jay snorts. "Not even 'kind of.' A lot."

He leans in to inspect it, his brows furrowed, "So, does it just…sit there?”  

"No, it's on schedule. It says here it won't eat for another three hours and it has a clean diaper, so everything should be fine. Babies are predictable once you understand their needs, Jay," you huff, already pulling out the meticulously detailed notes you took during class.

Jay lifts an eyebrow as he turns to face you, "Right...because in real life, babies are totally like robots and are totally predictable. Got it."  

You open your mouth to respond, probably with something unnecessarily snarky (you don't know what yet though, you haven't gotten to that part yet), when a loud, high-pitched wail shatters the air, cutting through the now-empty classroom you two are in. The robot baby's face contorts into an exaggerated crying expression, its mechanical arms flailing (which you didn't even know was possible) like it's preparing for takeoff. 

"What the—" Jay instinctively jumps back like Jisoo is a grenade on her last few seconds.

"Why's it doing that? What did you do?"  

"I didn’t do anything!" You snap, panic slowly rising as you flip through your notes quickly. "It's not supposed to be crying! It shouldn't be hungry, and it's definitely not tired yet!"  

The wailing intensifies, vibrating through the room as the cries echo louder and louder, Jisoo clearly not caring about your carefully crafted timeline. You glance down at your schedule. Why is it crying?  

You groan and snatch Jisoo out of the carrier, awkwardly holding her in a way that's probably not safe for any life form, real or otherwise. The wailing doesn't stop. In fact, it gets louder, as if Jisoo's personally offended by your existence.  

"Hold her!" You quickly thrust her into Jay's arms, a horrified expression written all over his face. "You deal with it."  

"Deal with what? It's a robot!" Jay stares at the baby in his arms like it's going to explode. "Oh god, are we even sure this is safe?"  

"Yes, Jay! It's a baby!"

You're sure you're borderline going insane from the combination of the screeching baby and Jay's apparent lack of brain cells.  

Jay's eyes widen as Jisoo practically vibrates with the force of its cries. He tries to mimic the way you were holding her, cradling her against his chest like she's made of glass. It doesn't help. Jisoo keeps wailing, and now Jay looks genuinely distressed. 

"Uh, shh, little buddy, it's okay...Should I, like, burp it? Sing to it?"  

“Sing?” You give him a look like he’s completely lost it, but Jay’s already humming off-key under his breath. 

The baby, predictably, continues screeching. 

You both just stand there, staring at the baby, then at each other, the panic palpable in the room. Jay continues bouncing it lightly, as if this will magically solve everything.

“Does it have an off switch?” he asks, glancing at you like you've parented a robot baby before. 

You continue to frantically flip through your notes, pages rustling in a blur. “No, Jay! We can’t just turn off our baby!” 

“Well, I don’t know, Y/N, but I’m pretty sure babies aren’t supposed to sound like they’re summoning a demon!” Jay retorts, his tone climbing the ladder of panic. "Maybe she's hungry or something."  

“It can’t be hungry, it's not supposed to be!" You’re still too busy scanning your notes as you shake your head in disagreement.

Jay just shakes his head, gently cradling the baby even though he's sure it's about to lift off into space from how much it was shaking right now. 

“Sometimes you can’t schedule everything, Y/N. Maybe it just needs a bottle, like, right now.” 

The idea frustrates you. “But it’s not time yet. If we feed it off-schedule, it’ll mess everything up for the day.” 

The baby’s cries reach a shrill pitch, like it’s protesting your protest. Jay looks at you, then back at the crying baby, then back at you again. 

“I think it’s already messed up, so maybe we just... feed it?” he says, half-grinning, half-exasperated. 

You hesitate. It feels wrong. Babies are supposed to follow patterns, stick to a routine...or so you thought. You let out a frustrated sigh, your brain bleeding from the sheer sound of the glass-breaking screams.  

“Fine,” you mutter, grabbing the bottle from the supply bag. “But if this throws off the whole schedule, it’s your fault.” 

Jay grins, but there’s something softer in his expression behind it as he watches you struggle with the bottle...and your need for control.

“Deal.” 

You hand the bottle to him, and he places the nipple into the baby’s mouth. The wailing stops almost instantly. The sudden silence is deafening, and both of you are stunned for a moment, looking down at the baby who’s now peacefully drinking. 

You let out a small gasp of relief and turn your head up to look at Jay, who's widened eyes meet yours.  

Jay lets out a held breath. “Well. That was traumatic.” 

You roll your eyes, though there’s a slight twitch at the corner of your lips as you mutter, “I think I just lost three years of my life."  

Jay watches as you carefully take Jisoo from his arms and place her back into the carrier, making sure everything is in order. He’s still catching his breath, but he glances at you—relaxed, for once, after the panic—and it makes him feel something weird. He almost laughs. 

“I dunno,” he says, a little teasingly. “I think we handled that pretty well.” 

“Great, now just five weeks and six days of this left." You give him a look, but there’s a tiny, fleeting smile this time. "I just don't understand why it was crying. It's not supposed to need food until—"  

Jay cuts you off with a chuckle. “Y/N, it’s a baby. Real ones don’t run on algorithms. They just... cry when they need something. Like this little gal. I mean, you can't exactly schedule crying, right?” 

The silence stretches for a moment as you watch him, realization dawning a little slower than you’d like to admit. “I guess,” you mutter reluctantly, earning yourself a content-looking Jay.  

"Look at us—team effort," Jay says, as he beams a smile to you before glancing at Jisoo. "We're naturals at this whole parenting thing."  

"Yeah, okay," you roll your eyes, but the smile on your face says differently as you reach out to unnecessarily fuss with the small blanket in Jisoo's carrier.  

Jay's eyes light up at your response.

"A smile? The Y/N gave me a smile? Admit it, we make a great team, huh?"  

You scoff, but the look on your face proves there's no bite to it—Jay knows there's no bite to it.  

Maybe, just maybe, he has a point.  

You'd never admit it to him, though. 

Not yet.  

To your pleasant surprise, the past two weeks have been...weirdly smooth. Like, suspiciously smooth. You and Jay have somehow managed to fall into an actual routine—dropping off and picking up Jisoo like two semi-functional adults who almost know what they’re doing. You still wouldn’t call it 'seamless', as Jay himself struggled with having a consistent schedule for once in his life, but at least you’ve gotten through the weeks without major incidents or spontaneous combustion. So far.

That doesn't mean you'll admit to anyone—least of all yourself—that you and Jay might actually make a decent team. His parenting methods are still objectively abysmal...to you, at least. I mean, just the other day, he almost put Jisoo's diaper on upside down. Upside down. You didn't even know that was possible, but leave it to Jay to surprise you more and more.  

Despite his questionable approach to baby care, Jisoo's still alive (you think), and somehow you've managed not to explode at him yet (key word: yet). So, that's...something, I guess.  

Today, though. Today is a different beast entirely.  

It's Sunday, and miraculously, you've managed to give yourself the evening off. No café shift, no emergency club meetings. The stars have aligned, and for once, you have free time. And what did you decide to do with this rare gift from the universe?  

Spend it with Jay. Parenting. Together. In his apartment.  

You blame Professor Kim for this cruel twist of fate. Something about submitting photographic evidence of co-parenting. After all, this is a partner project.  

Teamwork, she called it.  

You like to call it pure suffering.  

Which brings you here, standing outside Jay's apartment with a tote bag of baby supplies on one shoulder, Jisoo's carrier on the other, and a silent prayer on your lips. If this apartment is even half the disaster you're imagining—frat house, landfill, or some unholy combination of both—you're fully prepared to turn around and run for the hills.  

You take a deep breath, bracing yourself for whatever horrors await behind the door, and knock three times.  

Precisely five seconds later, the door swings open, and...yep, there's Jay. His hair is a mess, his clothes are rumpled, and you can't tell if he's been a) napping, b) playing video games, or c) all of the above.  

"Hey," he greets you with a lazy grin, eyes half-lidded like he's still half-asleep.  

It's 6PM.  

You stare at him, deadpan.

"You look like you've been hit by a truck."  

Jay snorts as he raises an eyebrow.

"You should see the truck."  

Before you can fire back with something equally sarcastic, you catch a glimpse of his apartment over his shoulder, and—you blink, confused. Wait. Wait.  

Well this can't be right.  

You were expecting a disaster. Maybe a few pizza boxes, a stray sock on the floor, some suspicious stains on the couch. But no.

Instead...it's clean. Like, really clean.  

The floors are spotless, there's a shelf with neatly stacked books, and are those...framed photos on the walls? Like, actual art? Your own apartment doesn't even have actual art, just print outs from Walgreens of photos you thought were cute on Pinterest and your Justin Bieber posters you got from a magazine back in high-school. Now you're starting to feel ashamed.  

You do a double-take, your brain struggling to process what's happening, as Jay still stands in front of you, confused at your gawking.

"Y/N? You good?"  

You snap your mouth shut, as you spot a vacuum neatly tucked in the corner of the living room.

"I...I'm just surprised you even know what a vacuum is." 

"You'll learn I'm full of surprises, Miss Y/N," he says, casually leaning against the doorframe as he looks down at you, his gaze making you shift in your stance in front of him. "Come on in."  

You step inside cautiously, like you're waiting for something to jump out at you—maybe a camera with someone saying 'You've been pranked, this isn't Jay's actual apartment!'  

But nope. His apartment is just...nice. It smells like eucalyptus and citrus, for crying out loud.  

You set Jisoo's carrier down on the couch, the robot itself still fast asleep, as your eyes scan the room, still half-expecting to find a hidden mess somewhere. But instead, something else catches your attention.  

On the wall, next to his kitchen, there's a collection of professional-looking photographs, all framed neatly. This is what caught your eye earlier from the doorway. You find yourself slowly walking closer to get a closer look: landscapes, city stresses, a few candid shots of people—all in the same style, same camera quality, same angles. You tilt your head, intrigued.

Jay comes up behind you to see what you're looking at and you turn to him, "Are these...yours?" 

"Oh," he scratches the back of his neck, looking almost shy. "Yeah. I do some photography sometimes. Just a hobby."  

You blink up at him. Jay Park? A photographer? This was not on your Jay Park Bingo card. 

"Huh," you say, before realizing how dumb you sound. "I didn't know you were into that."  

"Well, there's a lot you don't know about me, Y/N. Full of surprises, remember?" Jay replies, his head tilting to match yours with a cocky smile, which—ugh, okay fine—makes you feel just the tiniest bit flustered. Not that you'll admit it.  

"Oh, really?" You raise an eyebrow. "And here I thought your only hobbies were napping and showing up late." 

"That's just the surface level," he says with a wink, walking over to his coffee table and grabbing his laptop. "I was actually editing photos before you showed up." 

Intrigued, you follow him to the couch and sit beside him as he flips open the laptop. You squint at the editing software on the screen—full of layers, sliders, and all sorts of professional-looking tools that immediately make your head hurt. Jay scrolls through the images, and honestly?

They’re good. Really good. Like, if you didn’t know better, you’d think some of them could be in a magazine. And not the kind of magazine you got your Bieber Fever posters in.  

"Wow," you say, nodding, genuinely impressed. "That’s… actually really cool." 

Jay freezes, his head snapping toward you with a look of disbelief. He stares at you, eyes narrowing like you’ve just broken some unspoken rule.

"It's been ten seconds...you just gave me an actual compliment without a sarcastic follow-up."  

You let out a small giggle, "Geez, you always make me sound like some soulless witch or something."  

"I mean… soulless witch might be a bit much. But, like… emotionally unavailable overlord? Hmm, maybe," Jay grins, leaning back in mock thought.

You burst out laughing before you can stop yourself, the sound catching Jay off guard. He looks at you, wide-eyed, like he’s just witnessed a rare phenomenon. And maybe he has—because even you can’t remember the last time you laughed this freely.

"Wow. I should annoy you more often," Jay smirks, clearly way too satisfied with himself. You’re not entirely sure if he meant it to sound that smooth, but your brain certainly processed it that way. Heat rises to your cheeks before you can stop it, and you quickly clear your throat, a small, flustered smile playing at your lips. 

You try to gather yourself, praying your voice doesn’t betray you.

"Don’t push your luck, Park," you manage, but the teasing edge in your voice is softer than usual—way softer. And, of course, Jay knows it. You know it. You’re still smiling, and—unfortunately for you—so is he. 

Jay suddenly clears his throat as he shifts in his seat, "So...should we order like a pizza or something? Are you hungry?"  

And because lately the universe apparently has a personal vendetta against you, your stomach chooses that exact moment to let out a sound—one that resembles between a whale’s mating call and a frog being strangled. 

Jay stifles a laugh, trying to act casual but failing miserably, "Okay… pizza it is." 

“Shut up,” you mutter, giving him a playful shove that’s just enough to make him fall back into the couch cushions. 

"No, you tell your stomach to shut up," Jay snickers, grabbing his phone to place the order. 

You’re about to fire back with something—anything—but a soft wail interrupts you from the baby carrier. 

"Someone needs attention," you say, scooping Jisoo up and cradling her in your arms. “It’s about time for her to eat anyway.” 

As you juggle Jisoo with one hand and dig through the baby bag for her fake bottle of milk with the other, Jay watches you from his spot on the couch, a curious look in his eyes.

“While you feed her, I’ll take care of the pizza. I’m guessing you’re more of a plain cheese type, huh?” 

You freeze for a second, then whip your head around to give him a mock-offended look.

“First, you think I’m a soulless witch, and now boring? I at least add pepperoni and sausage. Give me some credit.” 

"Okay, okay, noted," Jay lifts his hands up in surrender, "So adventurous. I'll remember that next time you call me irresponsible."  

You roll your eyes at him as you adjust Jisoo in your arms, holding the bottle steady at her mouth. It’s quiet for a few moments, the only sounds being the soft hum of your fake baby and Jay tapping on his phone. 

Suddenly Jay puts his phone down, turning to you with an unreadable expression. “You’re really serious about this whole parenting thing, huh?” 

You blink, still rocking Jisoo in your arms.  You're thrown off by the sudden shift and sincerity in his tone.  

“Well… yeah. I think it’s important, you know? Responsibility, structure… that’s what makes people feel safe. Especially kids. They need to know they’re taken care of.” 

Jay’s expression shifts as he listens, a more thoughtful look settling on his face.

“You're a strong believer of that, aren't you? Structure and schedules and all that?"  

His voice is a lot quieter now, lower, and you realize you've never really had a serious conversation (that wasn't a class debate) with him before—at least not long enough to hear this version of Jay. The serious Jay. And if you're being honest, it's making you a bit flustered. You hesitate, hoping your voice doesn't crack or something equally embarrassing.  

“I mean… I guess so. I was raised that way. My parents always had everything planned out. It was like...nothing ever went wrong because there was always a system, a backup plan.” 

Jay raises an eyebrow, leaning forward a little in his seat.

“But didn’t that feel, I don’t know... suffocating? Like, what if things don’t go according to plan? You can’t control everything.” 

Your first instinct is to scoff, but something stops you. It's a valid question, and for some reason, you don’t feel the need to throw up your usual defenses for once. That's new.  

“Maybe sometimes,” you admit. “But I don’t know any other way. It just feels like if you’re not prepared, things fall apart. And that’s the worst feeling—like watching everything crumble because you weren’t ready for it.” 

Jay is quiet, studying you with an intensity that feels new. His teasing smirk is gone, replaced with something more serious.

“Yeah, I get that. I didn’t have a lot of structure growing up. Parents were kinda… there, but not really. I think that’s why I don’t plan much. Life happens whether you’re ready or not.” 

You blink as you sit back in your seat, absorbing his words. It’s the first time you’ve really thought about Jay outside of his 'laid-back' image of him you've had in your head, and honestly, you’re surprised by how heavy his words feel. 

“But…you’re actually good with Jisoo,” you say, almost cautiously, unsure if you’re diving into uncharted territory. “You’ve been handling this project better than I thought you would.” 

Jay laughs softly, shaking his head as he looks at Jisoo in your arms.

“It’s just a robot baby, Y/N. No big deal if I mess up.” 

"It’s not just about the robot baby,” you counter, realizing you're saying more than you intended. “You actually care. You’re not graded on how well you change diapers or keep her entertained, but you’re still putting in effort. You’re trying. And that matters.” 

There's a beat of silence as you see Jay pause. For once, he doesn't have a comeback. Instead, he's just looking at you—really looking at you—like he's trying to figure something out, and you feel the heat slowly creeping back onto your face. You're sure you're turning an unflattering shade of red under his gaze on you, and part of you, no, all of you, is begging for him to say something immediately before you combust.  

Then, with a suddenness that almost makes you jump, he leans over and nudges your arm lightly.

“Okay, Dr. Phil. Don't go getting all soft on me now."  

You let out a playful scoff to mask your relief, thankful for the release of tension in the air. But something about the conversation lingers in the air, hanging like a question neither of you is ready to ask. And despite the teasing, your mind can’t help but circle back to how Jay had looked at you—serious, curious… something else. 

Before you can dwell on it too long, the doorbell rings. Saved by the pizza gods. Jay springs up from the couch to answer the door, and you gently place the now-snoozing Jisoo back in her carrier. The conversation still swirls in your head as you watch Jay grab the pizza, too caught up in your thoughts to not even question how suspiciously fast it arrived. 

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, watching Jay at the door from your spot on the couch, your thoughts too heavy for someone who is literally holding a pizza box. 

For someone who sure likes to plan everything out, you definitely weren’t prepared for Jay Park—and how he's quickly becoming the exception to every rule you've ever made. 

✭・.・✫

The first thing that jars you awake is a piercing scream—Jisoo's, of course. Your eyes shoot open as you squint into the dim light, your eyes adjusting and blinking your way out of the accidental nap you fell into. You're trying to make sense of your surroundings through your blurry vision when...it hits you.  

This isn't your room. You're still at Jay's apartment, wedged into the corner of his couch, and apparently, you fell asleep. Post-pizza-food-coma style. And also apparently, your mutual robot child has decided now was a perfect time for a meltdown.  

The second thing you notice is the faint background noise of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire still playing on Jay's TV in front of you. Your memory jogs back to when you two finally came to a consensus on which movie to watch over dinner, and naturally, the deciding factor ended up being 'young Robert Pattinson,' and no, it wasn't your deciding factor. You didn't expect Jay to even have an opinion on this, but apparently, his love for Cedric Diggory is a hill he's willing to die on.  

And then...that brings us to the third thing. A sound from the other end of the couch—Jay's soft snores. You two must have dozed off at some point during the movie somehow and of course, he's still passed out cold, totally oblivious to the screams of robotic despair coming from the baby carrier seated between you two. You glance over at him, out cold with his head tilted back, looking completely unbothered by Jisoo's increasingly offended screams.  

But even through all these realizations, what really slaps you awake, more than Jisoo or Jay or Cedric Diggory, is the smell. It hits you like a rogue sock to the face, and for a moment, you're convinced that Jay definitely has some biological-grade garbage decomposing somewhere in the apartment after all. The smell is like a powerful, radioactive wave, and all you can think is, What in the world is this guy hiding in here? And why is it now coming to life?  

You sit up from your spot, still half-asleep, and follow the foul scent in horror until you realize the source.  

Jisoo.  

Sure, you have changed Jisoo's diapers plenty of times over the last two weeks, but before? There was no smell. At most, you get these weird, vaguely sticky robotic poops in her diaper that barely registered. Now? Now it’s like Professor Kim somehow remotely gave Jisoo a software update and coded her to emit a scent so pungent that it feels borderline illegal. You're convinced this is Jisoo’s final boss form—peak realism unlocked—solely just to spite you and your nostrils.

While you’re here on one end of the couch, one button away from confirming an Amazon Prime order to ship over a bottle of bleach for you to dip your nose into, Jay is still in blissful dreamland, not even flinching. You stare at him in disbelief, hoping your sheer mental outage might magically wake him up. No such luck. 

You grab the throw pillow that's wedged under you and chuck in right at his face.  

"Jay!" You're still half-asleep, so your voice comes out like a strangled whisper, somewhere between pleading and passive-aggressive murder.  

Jay jolts, sitting up with a sleepy yelp, blinking in confusion.

"Huh? What happened? Is Cedric okay?" His panicked gaze darts around the room wildly before they finally settle on you, across the couch. 

"What happened?" You raise a finger to the screaming, stinky, betrayal-machine between you two. "That happened, Jay. Jisoo happened."  

Jay blinks slowly, squinting at Jisoo, his brain clearly struggling to boot up, and then makes the fatal mistake of sniffing the air. The realization suddenly dawns slowly, and you can see the look of horror hit.

"Oh my god, how is she even capable of...of that?!" His voice breaks three octaves as his hand shoots up to pinch his nose.  

"I don't know!" You squawk, equally traumatized. "She's never done this before—I didn't even know she could!"  

Jay groans and rubs his eyes, hoping this is all a bad, bad dream. No such luck, yet again. He glances around helplessly. "So, uh, who's changing her?"  

You shoot him a glare as you get up from the couch and start looking for the baby bag.

"We're changing her, Jay."  

"We?" Jay winces, inching towards Jisoo with all the enthusiasm one has when approaching a radioactive waste barrel. He slowly reaches down to take Jisoo out from the carrier and he starts muttering to himself.

"Great. Fine, this is fine. Just another bonding moment with our adorable robo-daughter." He finally picks her up, reluctantly holding her at arm's length like she's a ticking time bomb. It's so ridiculous that, despite the war-crime-level smell permeating the room, you can't help the small laugh that you let out.  

"What?" Jay glares at you, though a look of amusement tugs at his lips. "You think this is funny?"  

"No," you say, barely stifling your giggles. "It's just—you're holding her like she's about to explode."  

Jay gives you a doubtful look, "Y/N, I'm not convinced she's not about to explode."  

You shake your head, still giggling as you shuffle the carrier off the couch and lay out a blanket, turning Jay's couch surface into a makeshift changing station.

"Alright, c'mon. Lay her down and hold her legs up. I'll handle clean-up duty. And maybe...brace yourself."  

Jay exhales like a man about to face his greatest fear. He gently lays Jisoo down and lifts her legs up with the tips of his fingers, his face still contorted as if you're both dealing with a toxic hazard. At this point, it probably is.  

"Oh my god," he breathes. "This is it. This is how I die."  

You crouch down in position so you're at level with the couch and say a mental prayer before you pull open the tiny diaper. The moment you do, the both of you immediately recoil as a scent that should not even be allowed to exist wafts up and fills the room.  

“Oh god.” 

The scent is so ungodly it feels like it came from the depths of hell itself and punched you both right in the face. It doesn’t just waft up—it attacks. You’re pretty sure you lost at least another three years off your life from one breath alone. 

"That's not legal," Jay chokes as he flings himself back at the sight, dropping Jisoo’s little toes in the process, flailing around as if the air itself betrayed him. "There's no way that's legal." 

You freeze in sheer horror, staring at the scene before you: Jisoo’s somehow realistic poop smeared across every surface of her bottom it possibly could spread to, the stench intensifying with every passing second.

Jay starts pacing the room, spiraling into an existential crisis.

“No, no, no, this isn’t normal. This is—this is a crime scene! This can’t be right.” 

“Jay,” your voice is muffled as a hand tries to cover both your nose and mouth from the contaminated air, “Jay, focus!” 

Jay looks at you from across the living room, wide-eyed and pale, like a deer caught in headlights.

“You expect me to—in this economy—” 

“Grab. The. Wipes.”

Jay groans and he stumbles back towards you, hesitantly rifling through the baby bag. His hands finally find the pack of wipes and he peers over your shoulder from behind you, as if you’re his shield. 

“Are you just gonna stand there, or are you going to help?”

“I am helping,” Jay protests weakly, waving the pack of wipes like they’re a magic wand that might save you both.

You roll your eyes and turn back to Jisoo, “Okay, grab her legs again. I’ll wipe.” 

His eyes watch in horror as he reaches over you to take hold of the robot’s feet. With a deep breath, you start furiously scrubbing Jisoo’s little body, trying your best to breathe as minimally as possible, sticking your hand out towards Jay whenever you need a new wipe. 

“I signed up for fake parenting, not surviving a biohazard. This isn’t bonding; this is trauma,” Jay incoherently mumbles, placing a wipe in your hand. 

"I think this trauma is exactly what we're supposed to be learning and 'bonding' from," you retort, carefully tossing a soiled wipe into the designated waste bag.  

"Oh, so Professor Kim is forcing us to bond over mutual suffering? Very sweet," Jay deadpans as he hands you another wipe. 

"Exactly. Parenting at its finest."  

Finally, after you definitely lost three years of your life, the horror show is over. Jisoo is cleaned, diapered, and—somehow—actually looks peaceful for once. Like she didn't just commit a crime against humanity. 

Jay exhales, looking at her with a newfound joy. "Well. She's definitely...less terrifying when she's not screaming and emitting toxic fumes."  

You plop yourself on the couch and cradle Jisoo like she's a tiny, innocent angel instead of the cause of your collective suffering.

“I’m genuinely afraid to know what they put in her system for this to happen.” 

Jay collapses onto the couch beside you, visibly relieved, "Whatever it was, we did it. We survived. We did that." 

You can't help but laugh, still a bit punch-drunk from the adrenaline and exhaustion of it all, "We better get an A+ on this project."  

Jay chuckles, leaning his head back against the couch. The room falls into a brief silence, just the two of you sitting there, basking in the weird accomplishment of it all. Then, as if on cue, you both start laughing—a deep, exhausting kind of laugh that two people only share after a 'you had to be there' type moment. There's something about the whole ordeal—how ridiculous, how hilariously awful it was—that just makes it impossible to not laugh.  

"Now do you think we make a pretty good team?" Jay grins, nudging your shoulder with his.   

You roll your eyes at him, "I don't know...depends."  

Jay raises an eyebrow, "Depends on what?"  

"Depends on whether you can make it through the rest of the project without crying again," you quip, lips twitching into an amused grin.  

Jay gasps dramatically, clutching his chest. "Excuse you, I did not cry. My eyes were sweating from Jisoo's toxic fumes. A completely normal biological response, thank you very much."  

"Sure, Jay," you deadpan, shaking your head.  

"Besides," he continues, leaning back smugly, "I did all the heavy lifting. Literally. I held the live grenade."  

You snort, glancing down at Jisoo in your arms before handing her off to Jay, "You're unbelievable."  

"And you're stuck with me, partner," he grins back, rocking Jisoo in his arms. "You too, Jisoo." 

You lean back into the couch, watching Jay coo at the now-peaceful baby. Somewhere between his flair for over-the-top dramatics, his secret love for young Robert Pattinson, and (for some reason) endearing passion for photography, you realize…maybe Jay Park isn’t the complete disaster you thought he was. 

"Yeah," you murmur, a small smile tugging at your lips. "I guess I really am stuck with you."  

And for the first time since this ridiculous project started, you don't mind that as much as you thought you would.  

Jay would like to make a few things clear. 

First of all, none of this is his fault. 

He hopes you understand that, as his thumbs fly over the keyboard of his phone like his life depends on it.

Because, in a way, it does. 

Jay [11:32 AM]: “i swear it’s not my fault, but my friend, jake, his entire load of laundry is now the color of strawberry milk. and apparently i’m the only one that can help him. can i drop jisoo off with you for like… an hour? tops?” 

He stares at his phone, waiting for your response like you hold the key to his survival.

Because, in a way, you do. 

He hears Jisoo coo from her carrier, like even she knows how dire this situation is. Finally, his phone lights up with a buzz. 

Y/N [11:33 AM]: “i’m volunteering at a dog adoption event on campus, but sure, drop her off here :)” 

Jay blinks at his phone. A dog adoption event. Of course, you'd be saving puppies on a Saturday. Of course. Like some kind of unreasonably perfect human. And here he is, about to save a fully grown man from having to wear solely pink t-shirts for the next week.

Fantastic.   

With a sigh, Jay turns to Jisoo, who blinks back a stare that can only be described as the (robot) baby equivalent of good luck, bro. 

By the time Jay reaches campus, he's bombarded with the sight and sound of...dogs. Dogs everywhere. It's as if he's entered the chaotic lovechild of a Disney movie and a petting zoo, complete with wags, barks, and the smell of kibble. And then he sees you. 

You're smack in the middle of a fenced playpen, laughing, surrounded by every breed of fluffy chaos imaginable and passersby cooing 'aww' at the sight. And what a sight it is.  

You look ridiculously happy, and for some reason, that makes something in Jay's chest feel weirdly tight. He wonders what it must feel like to be able to make you smile that widely, that brightly. It's unnerving. He's not used to seeing you so relaxed, so content—or maybe he's just not used to noticing how good you look when you're not glaring at him.  

"Y/N!" a voice calls from the volunteer tent, snapping Jay out of his daydream. Jay watches from the distance as you haul a golden retriever pup into your arms and walk over to the tent, naturally falling into conversation with your friend and immediately organizing papers. Meanwhile, Jay stands there, dumbfounded at your unbothered, graceful rhythm that you seem to fall into like second nature. 

Jay thought he had you figured out, filed neatly in his mental drawer of uptight-control-freaks-that-happen-to-smell-like-roses-and-have-perfect-smiles, but now? Something about the way you look—so confident, so caring, so...natural—catches him off guard.

Now, you're like some serene multitasking goddess in the middle of pure chaos.  

That brings us to the second thing Jay would like to clarify (more so to himself): he definitely doesn't think you look good in, like, an attractive sense, or anything insane like that. Absolutely not. He just is simply impressed at how you seem to manage and carry yourself quite elegantly. This is pure admiration. Admiration, okay?  

But...while he's here, staring in 'admiration', it suddenly hits him—you're not just good at taking care of Jisoo. You're good at taking care of everything.  

And that makes his heart do a weird flip.  

The realization that he's been staring for way too long jolts him back to the present. Focus, Jay. There's a Jake somewhere out there, lost in a sea of pink underwear.  

Jisoo carrier in hand, Jay manages to push his way through the dog-packed crowds until he reaches you, but the second you turn around, flashing him that wide, carefree smile that he's still not used to, he's back to stumbling over himself.  

He’s 99% sure he audibly gulps. 

“Oh, Jay, you made it!” you say, shifting the puppy to one side of your arms to free a hand to grab Jisoo's carrier immediately. Your smile is disarmingly genuine. Jay thinks he may need to sit down.  

“Uh, yeah—um, thanks for taking Jisoo," he swallows, his voice barely steady as he's unsure what this feeling is that came over him. He doesn't know if it's the fact that he's seeing you in a completely different light right now, carrying both a live, adorable puppy, and a (not-so-live) baby, but something is different, and he's at a loss for words. "You look pretty—uh…busy.”  

He curses himself. Busy? Really? 

“Oh, no biggie,” you give him an easy, encouraging grin, one so casual that it really shouldn't make his knees feel like Jell-O. "Honestly, I'd be out here every weekend if I could. But you of all people know my schedule."  

Of course, you'd say something like that. Jay tries to think of a normal response, but his brain is spinning with all sorts of not-normal things about you—like how you look so aggressively pretty right now. 

And it’s a little infuriating. 

"Yeah, no, totally," Jay clears his throat, scratching the back of his head. "Because who doesn't want to be covered in dog hair and slobber for fun?"  

You roll your eyes, smiling. "Says the guy who's about to be knee-deep in a laundry crisis. Isn't that a little messy, too?"  

Jay huffs, feeling himself return just a little bit back to normal. “Listen, Jake’s a special case, okay? You can’t just leave him in that pink laundry disaster and expect him to survive.” 

"Right..," you laugh, rocking back and forth on your feet, your smile lingering as a comfortable silence falls between you.  

Maybe it's the way you're looking up at him, or the fact that a literal golden retriever is currently nuzzling into your neck, but Jay is doing everything in his power to keep his cool. You're looking at him in a way that isn't remotely judgmental (for once), and it's throwing him completely off-balance.  

Before Jay can pull it together and say something else, another voice calls your name, waving you over to a different table. You turn back to Jay, giving him an apologetic glance.  

"Do you mind watching Jisoo—and, um, this puppy—for a sec?"  

Before he can answer, or even process your words, he's standing there with an actual puppy in one arm, and Jisoo in her carrier in the other, and his life has become a circus he never auditioned for.  

"Sorry! They just need me real quick!" You say with a grateful smile as you hurry off.  

As you rush off with another apologetic smile, Jay's brain, for better or for worse, decides that grin of yours is now his mental screensaver. He watches you go, dumbly smiling before he catches himself. 

Not attraction, he reminds himself. Totally not attraction.  

He looks down at his arms—one occupied by a carrier with a robot baby, the other holding a wriggly puppy.  

"Bet no one's ever been in this situation before," he mutters, awkwardly standing there as he waits for your return. Honestly, Jay has never felt so awkward or nervous before. Right now, he feels like the epitome of the standing emoji, just simply existing and there, waiting for your next command and hoping he doesn't screw it up.  

Jay tries to hype himself up. You can do this, Park. It's just a dog. And a baby. And you. You've got this. You totally have everything und— 

Before he can finish his mental pep talk, the sound of your laughter rings from across the event, making Jay's head snap over in record time. He tries not to look—he really does—but the sound is too angelic to not. But right when he does look over, he immediately wishes he didn't. 

You're standing there between two of your friends, and you're giggling. With some guy he's never seen before. And this guy, is nudging your shoulder and making you laugh so hard you're practically doubling over. He feels a distinct twist in his chest. 

Jay’s definitely not jealous. Nope. Not even a little. It's just...curiosity. Pure, innocent curiosity about what that guy could possibly be saying to make you laugh so hard. Because Jay has never seen you laugh like that with him—ever.

And suddenly, the longer you continue laughing with that guy, Jay feels something hot and uncomfortable bubbling up inside.  

Fine, it’s jealousy.  

Definitely jealousy.

He scowls at himself. Now he’s basically a bitter standing emoji, clinging to Jisoo and a puppy while glaring from afar. 

And there Jay stands, bitterness levels maxed, holding both a puppy and a robot baby, while across the way, your roommate Esther gives you a knowing smirk while you're recovering from your giggling fit. Your giggling fit which was caused by Heeseung making a comment about how he stepped in dog poop more times than the average human-being accidentally should.  

“You didn’t tell me that was Jay Park,” Esther says, trying not-so-subtly to sneak a glance at the bitter standing emoji himself, awkwardly shifting his feet in the distance, avoiding to look in your direction. “You said he was annoying, lazy, and a pain to be around. You didn’t mention he’s a total cutie.” 

“He was annoying, lazy, and a pain to be around,” you scoff, though you're clearly not thinking that right now as you catch a glance of him trying to balance both the puppy and Jisoo. "But...I don't think he's so bad anymore."  

You definitely don't add that he's a total cutie. Okay, maybe you think it, but saying it out loud is a whole other thing.  

“Oh, so you totally like him,” Heeseung snickers from your other side, nudging you again.  

You make a sound that's half out-of-tune trumpet, half hiccup, before breaking into a laugh to cover your sudden panic.

"No, I don't!" You clear your throat, trying to stay cool.  "We're just—look, we're just stuck together for this project. That's all. Even if I did like him, which I don't, he definitely doesn't like me back. We're probably just going to go back to bickering with each other to no end."  

“Right,” Heeseung chimes in, giving you a look that says he's clearly unconvinced. “Just saying, though—someone who doesn’t like you wouldn’t be staring at you like that, and looking at me like I just committed a first-degree crime just for breathing in your direction."  

You follow Heeseung’s gaze and, sure enough, you catch Jay trying to look casual while bouncing the puppy and acting like he totally didn’t just get caught. Your eyes meet, and he does a 180 so fast he nearly launches Jisoo into orbit. 

You quickly turn back to your friends, heat rising to your face as you catch Esther and Heeseung giving each other a knowing look before smirking at you. You roll your eyes and grab the both of them by the back of their shirts, turning them in the direction of the event, "Okay, okay, enough with the delusions. Shouldn't you guys be signing off some puppies or something?"  

"Don't say we didn't tell you so!" Esther calls after you as you turn on your heels towards Jay, furiously convincing yourself that they're so wrong.  

There's no universe in which Jay Park, the Jay Park, would ever be into you. The Jay Park, who can get any girl he wants, the Jay Park who's just too different from you, the Jay Park who you proclaimed your school rival (self-proclaimed). Absolutely not.  

When you get back to him, Jay’s desperately trying to look natural—so, naturally, he’s scratching the puppy’s belly while Jisoo clings to his chest like a tiny koala. Your heart gives a little traitorous squeeze, but you ignore it. Get a hold of yourself, Y/N.  

“Looks like he likes you,” you say, trying to sound casual as you nod to the puppy, who's squirming excitedly under Jay's attention. 

“He’s adorable,” Jay replies, blushing faintly as he shifts the puppy around.

“So, uh, everything okay over there?” he asks, totally not imagining a deep, romantic conversation to explain your laughter. 

You’re caught off-guard, blinking, wondering if Jay somehow became psychic and caught onto your previous train of thoughts about him, until you realize what he meant.

“Oh! Yeah, they just… needed help with paperwork.” 

Jay’s expression hardens ever so slightly as he tries to imagine a world where paperwork could possibly be that funny.

“Cool, cool,” he nods stiffly, side-eyeing Heeseung in the distance who’s still chatting with Esther. 

"Well," Jay shifts awkwardly as clears his throat, "I should get going to Jake. He's probably in tears by now, honestly."  

You frown at that, and Jay instantly self-identifies himself as the worst person on the planet. He barely resists the urge to apologize for everything he's ever done, from breathing in your direction to any other crime against humanity he's committed in your eyes.  

"Aw, come on," you say, teasingly, though even you're not sure why. It's just...fun having him around. "Stay a little longer. For the puppies!"  

Jay opens his mouth, fully ready to decline when he catches sight of your expression—those big, pleading eyes that make it impossible to say no. 

And that's it. He's doomed. Right then and there, Jay knows he's doomed.  

Is Jay currently surrounded by more puppies than he ever thought could physically exist in one place?

Yes. 

Does he think your puppy eyes are somehow cuter than all the puppies combined?

Annoyingly, also yes.  

And so, Jay would like to make some new things clear, for the record:  

First, there is no way any of this is his fault. If Jake ends up crying over outfit choices and demands to know why Jay ditched him for puppies, Jay has a rock-solid explanation. He’ll explain the situation, which obviously couldn’t be helped. Hanging out with you? Totally justified. Perfectly valid.  

And second, well—Jay would like to clarify that it's official now. Whatever he was feeling before?

Yeah, definitely attraction.  

Your fingers drum against your blanket. You stare blankly at your bedroom ceiling. You let out another deep sigh. You toss and turn, adjusting your position for maybe the hundredth time. It's no use.

You're bored.  

And that, in itself, is a shocking revelation. You're never bored. Your schedule is usually packed to the brim—between assignments, club meetings, work shifts, and impromptu Save the Puppies campaigns, there's hardly room for boredom. But today?  

Today, life has gifted you a rare stretch of free time. No assignments to finish, no midterms to study for, no dog adoption events or café shifts. And apparently, you have no idea how to handle that.  

You turn to look at Jisoo, who's chilling in her spot on your bed next to you, not having a single ounce of consciousness for you to share your boredom with.  

With another sigh, you grab your phone and scroll aimlessly through your apps. You eventually land in your Photos app and swipe through mindlessly until a recent picture stops you in your tracks.  

It's a selfie Jay took of the two of you, Jisoo sandwiched between your faces. The infamous day of the pizza-night-turned-accidental-nap-turned-godforsaken-poop-incident. You'd submitted the photo to Professor Kim as proof of your co-parenting efforts, but now, looking at it again, you can't help but smile.  

It's strange. The memory should be traumatic—okay, it is traumatic—but in hindsight, it's also...kind of fun. The chaos, the banter, the way Jay somehow managed to make everything feel less overwhelming just by being there.  

Funny enough, that day was also the last time you remember having any sort of free time, and you remember complaining that you had to spend the day with Jay of all people. But now, looking back at it, you honestly did have fun. Being with Jay was...fun.  

Your thumb hovers over the screen for a moment before it unconsciously drifts towards the Phone app. You hesitate, realizing with a jolt that you're one tap away from calling Jay. It's like your brain suddenly shut off and something took over you. What's gotten into you?  

You blink at Jay's contact on your phone, your thumb still hovering over his name.  

No. Bad idea.  

You don't need Jay to entertain you just because you're bored. You're perfectly capable of having fun on your own...obviously. Obviously, even though the last hour of groaning and ceiling-staring suggests otherwise.  

Besides, Jay's probably busy doing...whatever it is Jay does at 4PM on a Saturday. Napping, probably.  

And what would you even say? Let's hang out? Like some middle schooler asking out their crush? Not to mention, you already have your 'Jisoo' plans in two days, so it's not like you have an excuse to see him.  

You sit up abruptly, shaking your head as if to clear the fog of ridiculous thoughts. Seriously, do you even hear yourself right now? Looking for an excuse to see him? Since when did you need excuses for anything, let alone something as absurd as spending more time than necessary with Jay Park?  

This has to be some kind of stress-induced meltdown. It's the only logical explanation. All those late-night study sessions, midterm panic attacks, Jisoo diaper changes, and endless extracurriculars must've finally fried your brain. And now, here you are, teetering on the edge of reason, actually wanting to see Jay Park.  

Great. Now you have a new problem.  

Because as much as you try to convince yourself otherwise, the truth is glaringly obvious: you want to see him. And that, more than any amount of free time or boredom, is the real problem. 

You've officially lost it.  

I've officially lost it, you chant in your head as your thumb hovers dangerously close to Jay's name on your screen again.  

I've officially lost it, the words grow louder, taunting you, as you hover over the call button. 

I've officially lost it, your thoughts scream as you give in, pressing down and watching in horror as your screen shifts to Calling Jay Park. 

And now, your heartbeat picks up with every ring. You can't decide what's worse—him answering or him ignoring the call. Maybe if he doesn't pick up, it'll be a sign from above that you're better off leaving this madness alone. Maybe—

"Hello?"  

Your train of thought screeches to a halt.  

"Y/N? Are you there?"  

"I'm here!" You blurt out, your voice jumping two octaves higher than usual. Real smooth, Y/N.  

"Hi...what's up? Are you okay? Is something wrong?" His voice is soft over the phone, a little concerned, like you're about to tell him Jisoo had another diaper emergency.  

You falter for a moment, staring at the ceiling like the answer might be written there.

"No! Nothing's wrong! I just—uh–" Quick, think of something normal!

"I was wondering what you're up to."  

"Me?" He sounds genuinely surprised, and you can practically hear the smile in this voice. At least, you think. Or, once again, you've officially lost it. "I'm at the campus gallery, setting up for my photography showcase. It's tonight."  

The campus gallery. His photography.  

You blink, this is news to you. You vaguely remember Jay asking if you could watch Jisoo tonight, and he hadn't given you a reason back then, but this is why he couldn't be on Jisoo duty today. Because of his showcase.  

"Wait, really?" You ask, hoping the interest in your voice doesn't show too much.  

"Yeah. I didn't mention it? Guess I forgot," he chuckles lightly. "It's not a big deal, just a student showcase. I'm just setting up now, making sure my pieces are hung straight and stuff."  

You swallow, a sudden wave of curiosity washing over you. You find yourself smiling to yourself, feeling a wave of endearment wash over you for some reason. The idea of Jay being completely focused and serious about a passion of his is...it's nice. It’s hard to reconcile the carefree, sarcastic guy you know with the thoughtful perspective he must have to capture the kinds of photos he does. 

"You should come by," he says suddenly, breaking you out of your thoughts. His voice is casual, but you think you catch a small, hopeful note in it. "If you're free, I mean. No pressure."  

You hesitate, your mind racing. Go? Don't go? It's just a showcase. It's not like it means anything. Right?  

"I'll think about it," you manage, trying to sound nonchalant.  

"Cool." There's a smile in his voice again. "Let me know. I'll save you a front-row seat."  

"Front row seat? For a gallery?" You deadpan, rolling your eyes as if he can see if over the phone.  

"Hey, I'm just being a good host."  

"Hmmm," you smile to yourself again. "Maybe. We'll see."  

But your decision was made the second he suggested that you should come. 

It doesn't mean anything. Friends come support each other all the time, right? Wait—

Are you and Jay even friends? You shake your head, trying to dismiss the warmth starting to spread in your chest.  

It's just photography.

It's just Jay.

Nothing to overthink here.  

✭・.・✫

“Okay, Jisoo, in and out,” you whisper to the robot baby in the carrier that's perched in your arms as you stand frozen outside the campus gallery doors. "We're just stopping by to say hi. Two minutes max. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. Nothing dramatic."  

Jisoo stares back at you, wide-eyed and unhelpfully silent, which you take as strong moral support.

"Thanks, Jisoo," you mutter, like a lunatic seeking validation from a robot.  

Maybe you shouldn't even go in. It's basically the end of the event anyway—what are the odds he'd even notice you didn't show?

Slim. Probably. Right?  

It's not like you didn't have a valid excuse for your lateness. You did have to change Jisoo’s diaper before you left, and that was a whole thing. But let's be real. 

The real delay?

The real delay was you standing in front of your closet for a solid half hour like a contestant on America's Next Top Existential Crisis. What do you even wear to casually drop by someone's photography showcase? Something that says, Hey, I'm effortlessly supportive, but I totally don't care if you notice me (yes I do).  

Spoiler alert: that outfit does not exist.  

And then—because clearly, you love to torture yourself—you spent another thirty minutes pacing around your room trying to figure out why you cared so much in the first place.  

It's Jay. Jay. The guy who thought sticking googly eyes on Jisoo's bottle would make her drink faster. Why are you stressed? Why are your palms sweaty?  

But despite all that, you somehow made it here, standing outside the gallery with your stomach doing flips like you're about to walk into your own trial. You made it all the way here, so might as well go in, right?  

You swallow hard, adjust your grip on your emotional support robot baby, and push the door open. 

And there he is.  

Center stage, right where he belongs—or at least where he seems to thrive. Standing in front of a massive wall of his framed photographs, the studio lights catch his profile just right. It's almost unfair, like he's been personally photoshopped by the gods themselves. He's surrounded by a small crowd, gesturing animatedly with his hands as he speaks, his smile so bright you're convinced it's starting to hurt your eyes.  

But his eyes? There's this sparkle in them. Not the usual playful glint you've grown used to, but something deeper, softer. You've never seen him look so alive, so utterly in his element, and it's doing weird things to your chest. 

You can't help but wonder—what does it feel like to make him look that happy? Not that it matters, obviously.

It's just a thought.

A completely useless, irrelevant, go-away-right-now kind of thought.  

If you weren't busy trying not to trip over your own feet and accidentally drop Jisoo, you might have stopped to take it all in. To admire the way he looks standing there, talking about something he clearly loves, like he's found this magical pocket of the universe where nothing else matters. Might have.  

But instead, your thoughts screech in a halt, jolting you out of your daydream.  

Abort mission. This was a terrible idea.  

Why did you come here? Why is your face hot? Can Jisoo smell fear?  

Before you can think of a single coherent reason to not turn around and bolt, Jay glances up. And he spots you.  

His eyes light up even more—if that's even physically possible. "Y/N?" He calls out, grinning widely.  

Great. Now you're here. He's happy to see you. You're standing in the middle of his gallery with a robot baby that can most definitely smell your fear.  

Fantastic. Just fantastic.  

Jay's voice cuts through your existential spiral, "Y/N!" He's waving you over as he calls out your name again, like you're a long-lost friend who's just returned from war. 

Well, to be fair, you are fighting a war—against your own dumb feelings.  

"Hey!" You croak, trying to sound casual but ending up somewhere between a dog's favorite squeaky toy and a rusty car horn. You internally flinch at your own voice.  

"Wow, you came," he says, his sweet smile still on display as you shuffle over to where he's standing. "And you brought Jisoo! My biggest fan."

He reaches out to cup Jisoo's cheeks, and you almost smack yourself in the head for feeling jealous over your own robot baby.  

"Yeah, well," you start, trying to sound nonchalant. "I figured, you know, project partners should support each other...teamwork and all that."  

Jay raises an eyebrow, clearly trying to stifle a laugh, "Right. Teamwork. Totally."  

You shift your weight from one leg to another, awkwardly looking up, eventually landing your eyes on the wall behind him, scanning the photos on display. Each photo is so him—a little chaotic, a little bold, but somehow...strikingly beautiful. There's a photo of a rainy city street, the light catching every droplet; a close-up of a sunflower against a brilliant sky; a candid of a kid laughing, his face tilted up toward the sun.  

You suddenly feel a weird, warm pull in your chest. It’s one thing to see Jay cracking jokes and making sarcastic comments during late-night baby meltdowns. But this? This is a side of him you’ve never seen before—one that’s thoughtful, intentional, passionate. 

You don’t realize how long you’ve been staring until Jay speaks up, his voice softer now. “Do you like them?” 

You blink, startled, and then nod a little too quickly. You hope he doesn't notice (he does).  

"Yeah. I mean...these are really good, Jay. You're–" you cut yourself off, realizing you're about to say something embarrassing.

''–talented," you finish lamely.  

"Thanks," Jay tilts his head, looking almost shy. "That means a lot, actually."  

His voice is so genuine that it throws you off. You weren't prepared for this level of sincerity. It makes your stomach flip in a way that's both exciting and mildly terrifying.  

Jay gestures toward the wall, his hands shoved into his pockets like he's trying not to fidget.

"I wasn't sure if this was your kind of thing, thought you'd be busy and stuff, but I'm glad you came. I, uh..," he scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, "I was kind of hoping you would."  

Oh.  

Oh?  

OH.  

Your brain immediately short-circuits. He hoped you'd come? Like...in a we're-in-this-together-as-project-partners way, or in a please-let-this-mean-something-more-than-project-partners way? Is this what cardiac arrest feels like? Should you call someone? Should you call him? No, wait, you're already talking to him—focus! 

You clear your throat and try to channel every ounce of chill you simply do not possess.

"Well," you say, attempting to keep your voice steady and failing miserably, "I'm here."  

It comes out barely louder than a whisper, and you immediately regret every life decision that's led you to this moment. But then Jay smiles—soft, something smaller, more private—and it's like the world shifts slightly off its axis.  

"Yeah," he says quietly, his eyes meeting yours with a warmth that makes you forget how to breathe. "You are."  

And just like that, the noise of the environment dissolves, and the rest of the world shrinks to nothing but the space between you and him. The moment feels impossibly big like it might swallow you whole, and yet so small it could shatter with the slightest breath.  

You're pretty sure you're about to combust. Explode. Turn into a human firework fueled entirely by sheer tension and whatever it is that's happening right now. God, why does he have to look at you like that? Like you're not standing here internally unraveling?  

You break eye contact to glance down at Jisoo, and you're positive she's giving you a look that screams, Stop being weird, you two.  

"Anyway!" You blurt out, desperate to break the tension.

"Which one's your favorite?" You gesture to the photos, your eyes darting anywhere but his own. 

He laughs, and the sound is warm and unguarded, "C'mon, I'll show you."  

He grabs your free hand without thinking, tugging you toward the far end of the wall. And just like that, you're helplessly following him, heart racing again, wondering how the hell you got here—and why you never want to leave.  

So much for in and out.  

Jay pulls you towards the far end of the gallery, his hand wrapped around yours like it's the most natural thing in the world.  

It's not.  

Your brain is in full-blown meltdown mode. Red alerts, sirens blaring, a voice screaming, "WE'RE HOLDING HANDS, PEOPLE!"  

But there's no way you're about to let him see how much this is affecting you, so you shove the chaos down, pretending like your hand isn't currently experiencing the touch equivalent of fireworks...and hoping that it isn't sweaty.  

"This one," Jay says, stopping in front of a photo that's somehow both ordinary and magical. It's a simple shot of your campus football field, taken from the bleacher stands. You've stood in those very bleachers too many times to count—for school events, games, the occasional half-hearted attempt to pretend you like sports. But somehow, in this shot, the field looks...different.  

The grass glows like it's soaked in liquid gold under a sky caught between dusk and twilight. The field is empty, yet it doesn't feel lonely. There's something about it that Jay managed to capture—like it holds a thousand stories and secrets, quietly hopeful in its stillness.  

"It's beautiful," you murmur, the words slipping out before you can catch them. 

"Yeah," Jay lets out a breath. "It's my favorite spot on campus. I go there a lot when I need to think or just...get away a bit."  

You glance at him, startled at the sudden vulnerability in his voice. Jay never strikes you as someone who gets lost in his head; he always seemed too confident, too effortlessly sure of himself. But right now, he's not looking at you—he's staring at the photo, like he's seeing something beyond it.  

"I took it on one of those days—I was just overthinking a lot about life. About who I am, I guess," he continues. "I didn't think it'd turn out good or anything, but...I don't know. It felt right."  

Your chest tightens. There's something so raw in the way he's speaking, like he's letting you see a side of him he usually keeps hidden. It makes you wonder how many other layers Jay Park has, and why it feels so important to uncover them all.  

The silence between you stretches as you watch Jay continue to study his own photograph. There's a softness in his gaze, a quiet vulnerability that makes you feel like you're seeing him a way few people ever do.  

But then he blinks, breaking the moment, and suddenly he's looking at you. You stiffen, panic bubbling up at the possibility that he might've noticed you staring at him.  

"Sorry," he says, his voice carrying a self-deprecating chuckle. "It's really cheesy and stupid."  

You find yourself shaking your head before he even finishes his sentence.

"No! Not at all, really," you blurt out, the words stumbling over themselves in their rush to escape. You feel the heat creeping up your neck, mortified at your sudden intensity.  

Jay raises an eyebrow, amused, but doesn't say anything, so you clear your throat and try again, softer this time, "I mean it. You have a good eye, Jay."

You mean it more than you've meant anything in a while, and you hope he knows that.  

For a second, he just looks at you, like he's taking note of something, his head tilted ever so slightly. And then, slowly, his lips curve into that small, genuine smile that makes your chest feel annoyingly warm.

"Thanks, Y/N."  

Your heart does a little somersault. Oh great. There it goes again.  

And as if Jisoo can sense the moment might be getting too serious, she lets out a cry. You stumble back, jump scared enough by the loud and sudden sound, and Jay reacts instantly, steadying you with his hands on your shoulders.  

"You okay?" He asks, his face so close that you can now confirm there are literal, actual flecks of gold in his eyes. Of course there are.  

You blink. I've officially lost it. Completely, utterly, hopelessly, lost it.  

You nod, your voice stuck in your throat. Am I okay? No. No, you are not okay. You are decidedly not okay.  

Jay clears his throat, stepping back—though his hands linger a beat longer than they probably need to, but still a second too short than you should probably want to. 

You want to scream into the void.  

"Looks like it's time for Jisoo's dinner," he says lightly with a small chuckle. 

You fumble for words, your brain still offline.

"Uh—yeah. I left her bottle at my place, and I should probably get going anyways," you manage, your voice a little too breathless for comfort.  

Jay glances at his watch, pausing for a moment before looking back at you, something hopeful flicking in his eyes.

"I'm pretty much done here," he says, tilting his head towards the door. "It's late. Let me walk you home."  

You hesitate, torn between insisting you're perfectly fine on your own (you're not) and letting him (you want to). But the way he's looking at you—like it's no big deal, like he simply wants to—makes the decision for you.  

"Okay," you say, quieter than you mean to, and before you can second-guess yourself, Jay's already taking Jisoo's carrier from your arms, effortlessly shifting it onto his own.  

"Let's go," he says, flashing you a small smile that feels like a punch to your stomach in the best way possible.  

And just like that, you're walking side by side into the cool night air, your breaths visible in the chill, easily falling into a comfortable rhythm as you walk through the quiet campus, the streetlights above casting long shadows ahead of you. 

There’s something easy about walking with him like this. It shouldn’t feel this natural—your heart’s doing somersaults and pirouettes like it’s auditioning for a circus—but it does. You steal a glance at him, and he’s focused on the path ahead, his profile calm and soft in the glow of the lights. 

"So," Jay breaks the quiet as he stuffs his hands into his jacket pockets, "Can you believe the project's almost over?"  

You let out a small laugh, tilting your head, "Honestly, no. Feels like just yesterday I was praying you'd drop the class."  

Jay laughs, a sound that seems to echo in the quiet environment.

"Wow, Y/N. I thought we were bonding."  

"We were," you tease, turning to him with a barely concealed smirk. "I just also thought you were going to be a disaster of a partner."  

He scoffs, giving you a mock-offended look, "I proved you wrong, right? I was amazing since day one."  

"You handed Jisoo to me like she was a bomb, Jay," you remind him, unable to stop yourself from laughing.  

"I was assessing the danger!" Jay protests, his grin widening. "And excuse me, I've stepped up. I've made bottles, I've cleaned her, I even know how to put on a diaper the right side up!"  

"Jay, the fact that you had to learn which way was right side up is concerning in itself," you manage to let out with a giggle. 

"Details, details," he waves a dismissive hand. "Point is, I'm practically father of the year."  

You roll your eyes, but you're smiling. A sharp breeze suddenly hits the both of you, and you visibly shiver from the lack of warmth your outfit provides. All that time choosing an outfit, and you still couldn't pick a weather-appropriate one. Stellar, Y/N.  

And of course, Jay notices immediately. Before you can so much as form a protest, he's shrugging his jacket off and draping it over your shoulders, your body immediately stiffening as his hands brush against you lightly in the process.  

You open your mouth to say something—anything, even just a whispered thank you—but Jay beats you to it, sparing you the effort of finding actual, coherent words. 

“So,” he says casually, like he hasn’t just sent your brain spiraling, “what do you think you’ll do when it’s over?”

"Uh," you blink, still needing a second to reorient yourself. "Sleep, for once."  

Jay laughs again. "Fair. You deserve it. But you'll miss me, right?"  

"Not even for a second," you deadpan without hesitation.  

"Liar," he teases, bumping your shoulder lightly.  

You reach your building all too soon, the doors looming in front of you like an unwelcome reminder that this walk, this moment, is about to end. You stop just before the steps and turn to face him, rocking on your heels.  

"Okay, maybe a little," you admit, shrugging. "But only because you make me look like the competent one by comparison."  

"Wow," Jay shakes his head, but there it is again. The smile—the small, amused one that makes his eyes crinkle just enough to be unfairly attractive. 

You glance up at him, wishing the walk had been just a few blocks longer. Or a few miles.  

"Well," you say finally, forcing your gaze away from his own. "Thanks for walking me. And for carrying Jisoo." 

You reach for Jisoo's carrier, and Jay hands it over without hesitation, but not before shrugging like it's no big deal.

"No problem," he says. Then, as you're adjusting the carrier on your arm, he adds, "And thanks again, Y/N. For coming tonight. It really meant a lot."  

Your heart does that stupid fluttery thing again it's been doing all night, and you're starting to think you need a medical consultation.  

"Yeah, well," you clear your throat. "Partner support, you know?" You sound dumb, Y/N. Dumb.  

Jay smirks, but there's something gentler in his expression now, a flicker of something you can't quite name. 

"Goodnight, Y/N. And goodnight, Jisoo," he says, giving a small wave to the baby carrier, making you giggle slightly.  

He takes a few steps back, his hands slipping into his pockets, and gives you one last smile before turning to walk away. But before he gets too far, something bursts out of you, unwarned.  

"Jay!"  

He stops, turning on his heels, his brows lifting in surprise. "Yeah?"  

You step forward, closing a bit of the distance between you, suddenly hyper-aware of how your voice wavers.

"Um, I was wrong. You're...not all that bad." Why am I doing this? "I'm sorry if I've been...you know, intense. These past few years."  

Jay blinks at you, his surprise turning into something softer. You take a deep breath, pushing through the self-inflicted awkwardness. 

"You've been a really good partner," you add, offering a small, genuinely smile. "And well...you're pretty cool."  

His studies your face for a moment, the look longing and careful, like he's piecing together something fragile. A faint smile tugs at his lips, and there's a warmth in his expression that sends heat rushing to your cheeks.   

For a moment, the two of you just stand here, caught in the glow of the streetlamp. The world around you feels distant, like someone's hit the mute button on everything but the sound of your heartbeat.  

Jay's smile widens ever so slightly, and he nods, his voice quiet but firm, "I'll see you around, Y/N."  

He takes a few steps backward, his gaze holding yours until he finally turns and starts walking away. You watch him disappear into the night, the outline of his figure fading with the streetlights, and only then do you realize you've been holding your breath.  

As you step into your building and climb the stairs to your apartment, the night replays in your head on a loop—his laugh, his smile, his everything.  

When you finally reach your door, you lean against it for a moment, his large jacket still wrapped around you. Your thoughts crash into you all at once, and two things become alarmingly clear:  

You are completely, utterly, hopelessly in like with Jay Park.  

You're in so much trouble.  

“Congratulations, everyone!” Professor Kim clasps her hands together at the front of the classroom, a wide smile on her face. “You’ve survived six weeks of parenting. Hopefully, you’ve learned something useful—and that it hasn’t scared you off from actual parenthood one day. Each baby had a monitor tracking its status, so I’ll be extracting that data, combining it with your progress reports, and factoring it into your grade.” 

Jay leans toward you from his seat next to you, his breath warm against your ear.

“That’s a little creepy…she’s going to take Jisoo apart? The poor thing.” His smirk is half-guilty, half-amused, and you have to bite down on your lip to keep from laughing out loud. 

This is new. Six weeks ago, he was Mr. Front-Row Enthusiast, and sometime between then and now, you’ve somehow managed to convert him into your next-row-back partner. He’d grumbled at first when you insisted about your theory that the front row screamed try-hard, but since then, he doesn’t even glance at the seats up front anymore. 

“Grades will be out soon! I’ll see you all next week,” Professor Kim announces. “And don’t forget to submit your reflection posts!” 

The shuffle of bags and jackets fills the room as students thank her on their way out. Slowly, the lecture hall empties, until it’s just you and Jay lingering at your seats. 

“Well,” you say, slinging your bag over your shoulder as you stand. “That’s it. No more parenting lessons for us.” 

Jay heaves a dramatic sigh, his lips pulling into a pout that’s far too endearing for your peace of mind, “I can’t believe it. I already miss Jisoo.” 

You chuckle lightly but feel an odd tug in your chest, “Right? I got so used to carrying her and her baby bag everywhere. It’s weird not having her around.” 

And it is weird. You never thought you’d feel this way about a glorified hunk of plastic and wires, but now, without Jisoo, something feels…off.  

Or maybe it’s not just Jisoo. Maybe it’s the fact that this project, unexpectedly enough, turned into an excuse—a reason to spend so much time with Jay. Now that it’s over, what happens next? 

The thought hangs between you as the two of you head out of the building. The campus is alive with the hum of students, the energy buzzing around you as everyone heads to their afternoon classes. You both stop outside, standing awkwardly side by side as the silence stretches. 

No more 'Jisoo days' to plan for. No more excuses to text. No more shared tasks or inside jokes. 

Will he go back to his front-row seat, forgetting these last few weeks? Or will he—will you—pretend none of this ever happened? 

Jay shifts beside you, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes flicker to yours, then away again, as if he’s waiting for you to say something first. 

“Well,” you finally say, breaking the quiet because it’s just too heavy to bear. “I have to head to my next class.” 

“Right. Yeah,” Jay says quickly, too quickly, his hands both fidgeting with the straps of his backpack. “Makes sense.” 

He hesitates, his mouth opening like he’s about to add something, but then he stops. You notice the way he’s looking at you, like there’s a thousand things he wants to say but can’t figure out how to start. You feel that familiar heat creep up your neck, the same one you tend to get whenever you’re around him nowadays.  

“Alright,” you finally say, shifting on your feet. “See you around, then?” 

Jay’s lips turn up in a small, almost longing, smile, “Yeah. See you.” 

He doesn’t move, though. Neither do you. It’s like both of you are waiting for the other to take a step away first, and the pause grows longer and longer until you can practically hear the universe screaming at you to just go already. It’s getting unbearably uncomfortable for all of us, Y/N.  

And when you finally start to turn, before you can even take three steps, his voice stops you. 

“Hey.” 

You glance back over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah?” 

Jay scratches the back of his neck, looking like he’s fighting some kind of internal battle.

“Uh, you were also a really good partner. You know, with Jisoo. I mean, you were kinda terrifying at first with all your color-coded schedules and spreadsheets, but…” 

His smile softens, and his voice drops a little, “You were great. Really. I think I learned a thing or two from you.”  

Your stomach flips in a way that’s both infuriating and addictive. 

“Thanks,” you say, trying to sound casual even though your brain is short-circuiting. “Means a lot from someone who had to Google which way a diaper goes.”  

He laughs, the sound bright and warm in the cool air, “Okay, one time, Y/N. Let it go.” 

“Nope.” You grin, turning fully toward him now, your nerves settling under the familiarity of teasing. “You’ll never live it down. It’s my parting gift to you.” 

Jay presses a hand to his chest, feigning hurt, “Wow. I pour my heart out, and this is what I get in return?” 

“Exactly.” 

He chuckles again, shaking his head before finally stepping back, breaking the invisible bubble that’s been holding you both in place.

“Alright. I’ll see you, Y/N.” 

“Bye, Jay,” you say, forcing yourself to turn and start walking away.  

You make it a few steps before you hear his voice a second time, softer this time, almost hesitant. 

“Y/N.” 

You glance back, your heart skipping a beat. 

Jay looks at you for a moment, his expression unreadable, before his lips curve into a small, lopsided smile.

“Text me when you get home later tonight, okay? After your day is done.”  

You blink, caught off guard.

“What?” 

“Just…so I know you got there safe,” he says, shrugging like it’s no big deal. But the way his voice dips at the end betrays him. 

Your chest tightens in a way that officially feels dangerous. But you know you never want to get enough of this feeling.   

“Okay,” you manage to say, the word quieter than you meant, but it was the most you could muster up with the bubble stuck in your throat.  

Jay nods, his smile widening just a little.

“Good.” 

And this time, when you turn away, you can’t stop the smile that sneaks onto your face. 

✭・.・✫

By the time you get home, it’s late, and the apartment is quiet. Esther is nowhere to be found—probably out with Heeseung or at the library pretending to study. You toe off your shoes and drop your bag by the door, the routine feeling strangely empty without Jisoo’s carrier on your arm and her baby bag strapped to the other.  

With a sigh, you find your way to your room and collapse onto your bed, scrolling aimlessly through your phone. Jay’s parting words have been echoing in your head all day, barely letting you focus during the rest of your classes—“Text me when you get home.” 

You hover over your messages for a second longer than necessary, typing and deleting a draft once, then twice, then a third time, before finally hitting send: 

Y/N [8:52PM]: home safe 👍 

You stare at the screen for exactly three seconds before flinging your phone across your bed. You roll over, face buried in your pillow, half hoping he doesn’t reply so you don’t have to overanalyze the significance of a thumbs-up emoji. 

But, of course, your phone buzzes almost instantly. 

Jay [8:53PM]: good 👍 sleep well. 

A small, ridiculous smile tugs at your lips. You really shouldn’t be this giddy over such a mundane exchange, over a thumbs up emoji, but somehow, here you are. 

And that’s when you start going insane. You shoot up from your spot in bed.  

Why did he tell you to text him? Does he say that to everyone? Or was it just…you? And why does he keep looking at you like that? You’ve never been the kind of person to spiral like this, but lately, everything about Jay has you unraveling in ways you don’t know how to handle.

Clearly.  

You groan, flailing your arms like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

“Get it together, Y/N,” you mutter to yourself, but it’s no use. Every little interaction from the past six weeks replays in your head on a loop—his laughter, his stupid jokes, the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by a sharp buzz from your phone. You glance over, half expecting a random notification (the other half hoping Jay double texted you) but instead, it’s the one you’ve been waiting for without realizing it: 

Professor Kim: Final grades are posted! 

Your heart leaps. Practically fumbling with your phone, you open the grading portal, scanning the page with a held breath. And there it is, staring back at you in bold letters: 

Semester Project Grade: 100% 

“YES!” you exclaim, punching the air like a successful cartoon character. You’re grinning so wide your cheeks hurt, practically bouncing in bed. It’s the kind of happiness that makes you feel like you’re going to burst if you don’t share it with someone. 

And there’s only one person you want to share it with. 

Before you know what you’re doing, your closet doors are wide open, your hands rifling through. Your hands land on his jacket—the one he lent you after the showcase—and something about it feels right. You shrug it on, ignoring the way it smells faintly like him (and comfort), and grab your keys without a second thought. 

By the time you realize what you’re doing, you’re already halfway to Jay’s apartment. It’s not like you had a plan—just this overwhelming need to see him.  

Because somehow, he’s become the first person you want to share everything with, want to experience every moment with, want to feel every feeling with, and that thought is both exhilarating and terrifying all at once.  

But you’ve never been so sure of anything else before.  

Your breath hitches as you reach his familiar door, hand raised to knock. You hesitate for a moment, suddenly aware of how ridiculous this is. Who shows up at someone’s place at this hour, unannounced, just to tell them about a grade? What if he already saw it and didn’t even think twice? You look insane, Y/N. Insane.  

But then you think about the way he looked at you earlier, the way he smiled when he said “good job.” 

And you knock.  

✭・.・✫

Jay doesn’t know what’s happening. One second, he’s on his couch editing photos, and the next, someone’s trying to break down his door. At least, that’s what it sounds like. The pounding is so aggressive it makes his mug of tea tremble slightly on the table. 

Heart racing, Jay tosses his laptop aside and scans the room for a weapon. Nothing. Great. In a flash of panic, he grabs the TV remote because, sure, it’s sleek, ergonomic, and maybe intimidating in the right light. 

Bracing himself for certain doom, he yanks the door open— 

“Oh.” 

It’s you. 

At his doorstep. 

Unannounced. 

In his jacket. 

Jay flatlines. All he can do is stare at you in the oversized jacket—his oversized jacket—looking like you walked straight out of one of his dream scenarios. The rational part of him is trying to keep it together, but the feral part of his brain is screaming She’s in my clothes. Marriage now. 

You tilt your head, studying his expression.

“Jay? Are you…okay?” 

He blinks, realizing he’s been standing there for a good five seconds with his mouth slightly open.  

“Uh. Yeah. Totally. Uh—what’s up?” 

“Well first, why are you wielding a TV remote like it’s a sword?” 

Jay glances down at the remote in his hand, then back at you.

“…I thought you were a robber.” 

“A robber?” you repeat, struggling not to laugh. “What kind of robber knocks?” 

“I don’t know, maybe a polite one!” 

You let out a giggle and shrug, “Fair enough. But anyway, I’m here because—did you see?” 

“See what?” He frowns, confused, and still recovering from his adrenaline rush. 

“Professor Kim posted our grades! We got a 100%!” 

Jay stares at you for a second before the words sink in.

“Wait—what? We got a hundred?” 

“Yes!” You’re practically bouncing, a bright smile lighting up your face. “A perfect score, Jay!” 

He laughs and steps forward, grabbing your shoulders in his hands.

“No way. We actually did it?!” 

“We did it!” You beam back, jumping up and down. “We crushed it!” 

Jay’s grinning so hard his cheeks hurt, but he doesn’t care. There’s something about seeing you this happy, standing in his doorway like a whirlwind of energy, that makes his chest feel way too full, too complete.  

And for a moment, the two of you are just standing there, caught up in the moment, smiling at each other like idiots. 

When the excitement dies down, Jay notices the way you’re still slightly breathless, like you’d run all the way here.  

“Wait,” he squints. “You could’ve just texted me, you know.” 

“Oh,” you shift your weight, suddenly looking a little shy. “Yeah. But I just…wanted to see you.” 

Jay blinks. His brain is once again malfunctioning.  

“Oh.”  

Oh? 

OH.  

“Yeah. So…here I am,” you add, failing miserably to conceal the wobble in your voice.  

“Here you are,” he repeats, his voice back to that soft tone that knows how to make your heart go into overdrive.  

His eyes flicker to yours and stay there as the air between you suddenly feels heavier. Charged. 

“Is that all?” Jay asks, his lips twitching into a teasing smile. 

“Uh,” you clear your throat, looking anywhere but at him. “I guess.” 

Jay leans against the doorframe, studying you with that stupidly charming smirk of his, “Well, then.” 

“Well, then,” you echo, fingers fidgeting with the hem of his jacket like it’s the most fascinating thing you’ve ever encountered (spoiler: it’s not. That would be Jay’s face. But we’re not admitting that just yet). 

Neither of you moves. Not even a millimeter. The silence stretches so long that you’re pretty sure somewhere in the world, a Netflix show just autoplayed its next episode. 

Then, suddenly, Jay watches as your face cycles through the emotional Olympics: panic, resolve, regret, and whatever it is that makes your eyebrows do that cute scrunch thing he secretly loves. 

“I should go,” you say, finally breaking the silence, your voice quieter now. “Sorry for barging in like this.” 

You look down at your feet, hands still mindlessly playing with the sleeve of his jacket. Jay’s stomach twists at the sight—at the quiet, unsure way you’re suddenly retreating.  

No. Absolutely not. He doesn’t know where his bravery is coming from (he suspects it’s sheer desperation), but he refuses to let you leave like this. 

Before you can fully turn away, Jay reaches out and gently grabs your sleeve, tugging you back like you’re his favorite person in the world—which, spoiler again, you totally are. 

“Wait,” he says, pulling you close enough that you bump into his chest. Both his hands find their way to your waist, steadying you with an ease that feels practiced. Like it’s where his hands were always meant to be. 

And that's when Jay knows for sure: he likes you. He likes you bad. Painful highlighters, confusing spreadsheets, and all. He likes the way you carry your stubbornness like a badge of honor. He likes the way you chew on your pen when you're deep in thought. The way you turn his every sarcastic comment into a competition he's somehow thrilled to lose.  

“You forgot something,” he murmurs, his voice soft and low as his eyes search yours, then your lips, then your entire face.  

Your heart stumbles, your brain short-circuits, and you’re pretty sure your face is now the color of a stop sign. 

“Oh, uh, the jacket?” you stammer, looking down at where he grabbed your sleeve, grasping for any logical explanation. “You’re right. Sorry, I almost—” 

But before you can finish, Jay does something both incredibly bold and incredibly reckless. He leans in and presses his lips to yours. 

For a moment, you freeze. This isn’t real. Is this an alternate universe where Jay kisses you instead of just driving you insane? 

But then, the realization sinks in—Jay is kissing you. Like, actually kissing you. And wow. 

The first touch of his lips sends a rush through your entire body, like every nerve has suddenly woken up all at once. He’s hesitant at first, almost like he’s giving you the chance to pull away, but when you don’t—when you finally let go of all the confusion, overthinking, and denial—you lean into him, your hands both instinctively reaching up, gripping the fabric of his shirt to ground yourself as you kiss him back, now realizing how much you desperately wanted this.  

And that’s all the encouragement Jay needs.  

His hands tighten on your waist, pulling you flush against him, his fingers brushing the hem of the jacket you’re wearing—his jacket, you remember with a strange, fluttering thrill. The kiss deepens, gentle but insistent, a slow, breathtaking unraveling of all the tension that’s been simmering between you for weeks. 

It’s like the air shifts around you, the space between you collapsing into nothing. You feel his breath, warm against your skin, and the faintest hitch in it when your hand moves up to lightly curl against the back of his neck. 

He’s so close, and everything about this moment feels right—his familiar scent, the steady warmth of his hands on your waist, the way he tilts his head slightly to meet yours like he’s memorizing the shape of you. 

Your heart pounds, the world spinning just a little too fast and too slow all at once. It’s electric, and dizzying, and somehow everything and nothing like you imagined (because, yes, you’ve imagined it—so what?). 

Jay pulls back just slightly, his forehead brushing yours as he grins, his voice a playful mumble against your lips, not wanting to break the kiss, “You can keep the jacket.” 

Your laugh bubbles out before you can stop it, your forehead dropping to his shoulder as you clutch at his arms for balance.

“Seriously? That’s what you’re thinking about right now?” 

“I’m a multi-tasker,” he replies, deadpan, his lips turning into a teasing smirk as he leans in and steals another quick kiss. He starts to pull back again, but you don't let him—your hand catches his sleeve as you dart up and chase his lips for one more peck, light and fleeting, but enough to make him smile like a fool.

You're completely, utterly, hopelessly obsessed with him.  

"Besides," he adds, the words smug as his arms tighten around you, "I've already sacrificed my jacket. Might as well give up my dignity too."  

You roll your eyes, “You’re still an idiot.” 

“And yet, I’m the idiot you kissed back,” Jay fires back, brushing a strand of hair from your face.  

You shake your head, your voice soft and teasing, “You’re so—” 

The words trail off as you meet his gaze again, and before you can even think about stopping yourself, you tilt your head up, close the remaining distance between you, and kiss him first this time.  

Jay freezes for a second, caught off guard, before he fully melts into the kiss again, one hand instinctively curling around your waist to keep you as close as possible. There's no hesitation now, no teasing, no holding back—just the two of you in the quiet of his doorway, and the overwhelming certainty that neither of you wants to let this—this moment, this feeling—to end. 

When you finally pull back, Jay’s eyes are sparkling, his gaze holding an undeniable warmth. 

“You know,” he starts, voice light but tinged with something deeper, “if you keep doing that, I might start thinking you actually like me or something.” 

You raise an eyebrow, leaning in just close enough to make him squirm, your smirk playful. 

“And if you keep talking,” you murmur, your voice low and teasing, “I might change my mind.” 

Jay blinks, momentarily stunned, before letting out a breathless laugh, his arms instinctively circling your waist again, pulling you just a little closer.

“Noted. Say less. I’ll shut up forever. You’re stuck with me now.” 

Stuck with Jay? As in a more-than-project-partners kind of way? 

Yeah, you think, meeting the smile he’s giving you. 

You don’t mind that idea one bit. 

Now that the six weeks of parenthood is over, we ask that you write a reflection post in response to your pre-questionnaire answers we asked you at the beginning of the project. Were your expectations met? Exceeded? Any surprises along the way?

Y/N’s Submission [11:15AM, October 30th]:

Parenting, even with a robot baby, turned out to be nothing like I expected. I’ve learned that no matter how much you plan, babies (and life) have a way of completely ignoring your carefully crafted schedules. It was frustrating at times, but it also made things…unexpectedly fun.

Speaking of unexpected—let’s just say my partnership for this project caught me completely off guard, in the best way possible. Turns out, some surprises are worth breaking the plan for :)

Jay’s Submission [11:30AM, October 30th]:

Honestly? I expected surprises, but I wasn’t ready to lose three years of my life over a diaper change—or nearly go deaf from tantrums. Safe to say, I learned the hard way that being a little prepared isn’t such a bad idea.

But here’s the thing: turns out, babies (and certain project partners) have a way of growing on you. Who knew spreadsheets and sleepless nights could actually be…kinda great? I guess what I’m saying is, sometimes the best things aren’t planned. And also, I know how to change a diaper in 30 seconds now. The right side up :)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜���・.・

the end! let me know what you think °ʚ(*´꒳`*)ɞ°

m. list here!

tag list (tenk u for all the luv): @neozon3nha @duckling-niki @somuchdard @jkslvsnella @jjongstar111

@haechsworld @joieouioui @zl-world @getoxo @onlyjjong

@puma-riki @e-r-i-15 @st4rwon

@jayla240 [ wouldn't let me tag you,,,sorry! i also had to format the tags weirdly to get this to work :') ]

cue all tags now...

[supportgaza]

Dear, free world: Apathy No More!

Note 1: Resharing my post from my terminated Tumblr account (@mahmoudkhalafff).

Note 2: Short-term goal of 30k for evacuation has been thankfully achieved. I am consulting with the Irish Refugee Council and Doras in Ireland regarding the procedures and requirements for issuing reunification visas once the crossing is operational and my family can evacuate for Egypt. We are a big family of many brothers and sisters who have so many children. They are scattered in different areas in the Gaza Strip including the North of Gaza where they can be very hard contact sometimes.

Many other Gazans in Limerick are working hard and reaching out to Irish politicians and MPs to facilitate a safe passage for their families out of Gaza to Ireland.

When piles and piles of people are apathetic when it comes to the genocide unfolding in Gaza, be the source of relief, hope, and support for the stranded helpless besieged people there. Astonishingly, our life in Gaza turned upside down in an instant?! We woke up one day to realize that a massive-scale war was to be launched against more than 2 million people in Gaza. My Facebook timeline was filled with countless posts in which Gazans publicly asked for forgiveness before their expected imminent mass murder. Can you imagine what it feels like reading all these scary posts and wondering if you should say a final 'Goodbye'?!

Then, Gazans ventured on their own version of Via Dolorosa (Way of Suffering) which included multiple forced displacements, acute life-threatening shortages of water and food, lost jobs, humiliation, mass destruction, injuries, and murder.

It is beyond shocking and sickening how desensitized our world has become to see all the horrifying images of children's body parts scattered everywhere and not lift a finger to stop this ruthless and inhumane genocide. I can say with all certitude on behalf of my people in Gaza that we have lost hope in all the vile desensitized regimes and politicians of the world.

However, we still have strong faith in the lovers and supporters of our just cause who never cease to shower us with their heartwarming words of support and uplifting wishes. Our belief in your humanity and support for our just cause drives us to ask you for help in this worst crisis in our history since the Nakba.

Please do consider donating, reblogging, and sharing.

Note: Vetted by:

1. @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi # 151 on the spreadsheet of Vetted Gaza Fundraisers List]

2. @riding-with-the-wild-hunt Here .

Tagging for reach <3

@riding-with-the-wild-hunt @ibtisams @vakarians-babe @90-ghost @sayruq @fairuzfan @sar-soor @fallahifag

@el-shab-hussein @taamarrud @humanvoicebox

@plomegranate @queerstudiesnatural @commissions4aid-international @nabulsi @stil-lindigo @soon-palestine @communistchilchuck @palestinegenocide @northgazaupdates2 @northgazaupdates @ghost-and-a-half @kyra45-helping-others @kyra45 @commissions4aid-international @feluka @appsa

@tortiefrancis @jinnazah @irhabiya @mazzikah

@stuckinapril @schoolhater @queerstudiesnatural @northgazaupdates2 @turian @ot3 @fromjannah

@neechees @brutalikhoa @khanger @malcriada

@determinate-negation @pcktknife @postanagramgenerator

@troythecatfish @commissions4aid-international 

[hyunsvngs]

𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞-𝐚-𝐡𝐨𝐞! - spiderman!han jisung x fem!reader

wc: 11.1k

cw: han jisung is spiderman, a brief attack of an alien in school, both characters are 18+ (legal) but are intended to be in high school, friends to lovers, jisung calling mc baby at any given moment

synopsis: you’re obsessed with spiderman, but after a certain event takes place, you become convinced your best friend and spiderman are the same person.

a/n: after a long wait… HEHE smut warnings under the cut and as usual 18+ MDNI!!!!!!!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

sw: brief mention of masturbation (both), oral (fem!rec), slightly switchy both parties, unprotected sex, creampie, dirty talk, loss of virginity (both), cumswapping, relatively tame given that its me

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

You’re intrigued.

Interested seemed like too little of a word to use for how you feel whenever you see the latest news report. In a world full of superhuman serums and bulletproof skin, he is still intriguing. Maths homework could be ignored, as far as you’re concerned - and that’s bold for you, because you love maths. You wonder if he likes maths, too.

Every night at 6pm sharp, you settle in front of the television and wait for the news. Spiderman, the hero in question, is always up to something. He loves shooting his webs across the tallest skyscrapers in the city, dangling from them precariously without a care before he lets out a loud, earth-shattering giggle and beats the newest bad-guy that your world has attracted. You always wince at the reports, wondering just how he healed from the injuries he must sustain. It had to be down to the spider venom, you supposed.

“He’s dangerous,” Your dad huffs. He’s lounging on his normal armchair, peeling leather be damned, munching on a bag of crisps. You grimace at his crisp covered digits motioning towards the television. You love your dad, really, and your mum - you just always differed in opinions when it came to Spiderman. He was so fucking cool, and you seriously feel like a child saying that all of the time, despite your best friend Jisung telling you that we all have our interests. “I mean, he’s putting normal civilians in danger. Friendly neighbourhood Spiderman my ass.”

“Honey,” Your mother admonishes, digging through her own bag of crisps. You briefly consider why you haven’t been offered one. They look tasty, when your father isn’t rubbing luminous orange dust onto his previously crisp white shirt. “You know she doesn’t like it when you say bad things about him. He- what was the word again, baby?”

“He intrigues me,” You mumble, pretending to erase equations from your homework. Your cheeks blaze crimson when your mother hums in agreement, nodding triumphantly to your father. You wish you could be as sassy as her sometimes. You’re more timid, hiding behind oversized hoodies and Jisung. He is a lot more confident than you, more loud and exuberant - you suppose that’s why he had adopted you as his all those years ago.

Your mother had been best friends with Jisung’s aunt, Sohee. She’s just like Jisung, zipping around the place at an insane pace to offer you snacks and drinks at every second. When you and Jisung had first met in preschool, you’d been drawing patterns in the mud with your grubby little fingers, hiding from the bullies. He’d criticised your drawing. He helped you fix it, though, chubby cheeks puffing out with a grin when it was good enough for his taste. Looking back now, that behaviour was so Jisung, but your mother had been delighted to find out that you’d already met her best friend’s son.

It had been easy becoming friends with him after that. Every day, he’d drag you by your wrist and take you to the yard, insisting on doing your co-operative drawings together. The teachers had a fit everyday on the state of you two by the end of your break, but your mothers had loved it, taking a million and one pictures a second. He stuck up for you both to the teachers, and then he stuck up for you to the bullies and it was like you’d known each other since birth. Inseparable at the hip, you’d been glued together throughout preschool, primary school and now high school - it doesn’t look like you’re getting rid of him anytime soon, either. You’d applied for the same colleges.

You don’t particularly want to be rid of him anyway. He’s alright, really, and you had a bit of a girly, high school crush on him. You would rather jump off of a building like Spiderman sans the webs if anyone found out.

Another thing Jisung is good for is listening to your rants. He waits for your call every night after the news had been on, and you clamber on your bed obediently after the report finishes to press on his contact.

“Jisung!” You squeal. There’s a lot of feedback on his end, and you hear a low ‘shit, fuck, oops, oh God’, until there’s a loud thud and he giggles, chiming through your tinny phone speakers. “... Ji? Are you okay?”

“Yep, sorry, baby,” He sounds out of breath, but you smile when he speaks anyway. Whenever he calls you baby, his designated nickname for you, it makes your heart flutter and you have to grimace to ignore it. His face pops into the little square designated to him, his cheeks blushing pink and round eyes wide. His hair is slightly damp, from what you’re not sure - but he looks cute. “I just got home. I was- I was running some errands for my aunt.”

“God, she’s got you running like crazy lately,” You mumble, still jotting down numbers on your homework. It’s taken you hours, but you always get distracted on nights like this. “Did you see it?”

Jisung hums, and then you hear him groan. He’s stretching, slightly toned honey-skinned arms appearing above his head in the plain oversized t-shirt he’s wearing. You try not to stare. “Did I see what?”

“The- the news, Sungie,” You feel shy mentioning it so outright. It is a weird interest, a weird thing to be obsessed with - Jisung often reassures you that it really isn’t, and his anime obsession was a lot worse. It was. You sigh, clearing your throat. “Spiderman. He was- he was super cool tonight.”

“Ooh, was he?” Jisung teases, chuckling when you groan in protest. “I’m only playing with you, baby. I saw it. He was super cool, wasn’t he?”

“Ha-ha, super cool, ‘cause he’s a superhero. You’re funny.”

“That’s why you keep me around,” Jisung chirps. “Hey, have you done the maths homework? I haven’t had time, because of the errands, y’know.”

“Hmm, yeah, I’m almost finished,” You aren’t. You’re far from it, really, but he doesn’t have to know that. “I can let you copy it tomorrow morning, before class.”

“No, that’s alright, baby. We can just cross-check our answers tomorrow,” His voice sounds tired, but you don’t comment. It’s better not to question Jisung when he’s like this.

His aunt has him doing a lot these days. You haven’t wanted to ask about it because you know it must be tough for her to look after Jisung since his parents passed, especially when Jisung is always going at full speed and is probably seconds away from giving his aunt a heart attack. He was always clumsy as a child, too, snapping his glasses in half and having a few broken bones to tell long stories about. He always means well, but sometimes you wish that he had something else to get his energy out of his system rather than stressing his aunt out.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

“Jisung, surely you know who Spiderman is, like, underneath the mask,” Seungmin quips through a mouthful of dry, government regulated school food. “You spent all that time with Bang Chan in the internship.”

Seungmin is a lanky boy that just came along one day and decided to be yours and Jisung’s friend. With him, he brought a younger, smiley guy named Jeongin, and Jeongin brought Felix. Felix is just Felix - nothing else can describe him. Before long, you’d found yourself in a de facto group of misfits that you weren’t even sure you could call friends. Apart from Jisung, of course.

Jisung simply raises an eyebrow in response to Seungmin. “I mean, sure. I met Mr Bang a few times, but I never met Spiderman. Not out of his suit, anyway.”

You gasp. Jeongin startles from the nap he was taking on the cafeteria table, raising his head to look at you angrily. Felix pushes his head back down from the hood on his jumper and Jeongin immediately falls back to sleep. “You met him in his suit?”

“Well, yeah,” Jisung shrugs. When he turns to look at you, your mouth is agape, feeling slightly betrayed. Jisung shoves another spoonful of cheese - was it really cheese? - pasta into his mouth, and then he’s sighing. “It’s not a big deal, baby. If I really met him, the real him, you’d be the first to know. I promise.”

“You still got that fat crush on Spiderman?” Felix chirps. You meet his amused gaze with your own steely glare, pouting over your packed lunch.

“It’s not a crush-”

“It’s an interest,” Jisung clarifies for you, and you smile. He’s always jumping to your defence like that. You bite into an apple, savouring the crisp, fruity taste on your tongue, and then the bell rings. Sighing, you watch as the boys around you get up - including Jeongin, fox like eyes bleary from sleep - and swing their bags on their shoulders.

“I’ll see you later,” You murmur to Jisung, who throws his arm around your waist in a quick hug. “Enjoy English.”

Right. You and Jisung didn’t have the same classes. He has English now, and you have chemistry, which is probably your least favourite of all classes. You just weren’t a fan of the whole blowing shit up scenario, unlike Jeongin was, and the boy trundles behind you towards your chemistry class.

The class is boring. The teacher drones on and on about some experiment you couldn’t care less about, and you pretend to care. You’re taking notes, sure, ever the diligent student - but you can’t get anything other than Spiderman out of your mind. Jisung met him, and didn’t tell you, and who even is this guy? You’d love to know. You’d love to just see him, even once, just to be able to tell the story.

A massive crash stops the teacher’s speech. He turns to the door, confused, and the students do the same. You do too, furrowed eyebrows staring at the door. Another crash causes people to begin to rise, and the teacher starts ushering everyone out of the class to the closest exit route. You’re frozen in confusion and fear, pencil halted in your fingers, even as another noise makes the teacher run out behind the class.

It’s quiet for a moment, and you’re still sitting in your seat, eyes wide and heart racing. Then, you spring up to follow the rest of your cohort, sneakers squeaking against the tiled floor as you run to the door. Swinging it open, you stick your head out the door and look around, trying to see if the coast is clear. With a planet full of interdimensional attacks, you can’t be sure, and looking left leads you to see a scaly, large animal type of thing. You squeak, startled, and immediately retreat into the class before it notices you. What the fuck do you do? What are you meant to do?

The whole room begins to shake, and you have a feeling the creature’s getting closer. Beakers are thrown to the floor from the vibration ringing throughout the room, glass shattering loudly, and you feel like you’re about to scream, or cry, or run, and you can’t run.

Doing the only thing you can think of, you cower to the floor, hiding underneath a table donned in smashed beakers. You’re curled up in a ball, watching students standing outside murmuring and discussing their own safety, and then the shaking stops.

The door swings open. Everything outside the classroom is too intimidating, items being thrown everywhere, and you can’t even bring your legs to move with how badly they’re shaking. Who’s just walked in? You pray for Jisung. You pray for someone who’s going to help you hide, someone who’s going to keep you safe, and then-

A masked face pops underneath the table. He’s lithe, slender, but the tight red and dark blue suit highlights the hint of abs and sculpted biceps on his body. Holy fucking shit. Your eyes widen. Spiderman is in your school.

“Are you okay?” His voice is deep, but it sounds almost like someone putting on a deeper voice to hide their identity. You nod hesitantly, and then he’s extending a gloved hand towards you, pulling you out from underneath the table. You’re unable to speak. Once you’re standing in front of him, you notice he’s around a head or so taller than you, but definitely not as tall as you thought he’d be. He sighs, chest heaving with panic. You suppose it must be pretty tough work fighting aliens from outer space. “I’ve webbed him up for now, but it won’t hold much longer. Go- please, go and run. Please, anywhere, just- go and hide, or run.”

“I-I-”

“Promise me, b- um, you. I can’t let you get hurt.”

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “I- Yes, I promise, I’m going to- I’ll go, thank you, thank you-”

“Wait, no!” He shouts, rubbing his temples - or at least, you’d imagine he was but he’s just rubbing the mask in frustration. You watch as he bounds over to the window, kicking it open, and the students outside turn to the classroom in awe. You’re rooted in place, as if vines are circling your ankles and securing you to the floor, mouth agape. You wait for him to give you further directions, and you gasp when he runs back over to you, picking you up and carrying you over to the window. You feel light as a feather, and all you can think is how he’s even carrying this amount of strength in that small body. “Too risky. Outside.”

“O-Outside?” You stammer, cheeks bright red, and he nods. He leans to place you out of the window, delicately placing you on your feet, and then he speeds off, shouting a quick “see you later!”.

You blink. You can hear the noises of walls breaking and windows shattering as Spiderman fights, and Felix runs up to you from the crowd outside and slings an arm over your shoulder. You’re still staring inside the classroom as if you can see through walls and watch the fight. What did see you later mean?

What’s the likelihood, honestly? You knew he was the friendly neighbourhood guy, and all that, but why not Bang Chan, in his sleek nanotech suit? This was a big fight. You find yourself getting worried, biting your nails in concern for the man you don’t even know. You have to remind yourself of that. He saved you because you’re any other citizen, not for any other specialty - you don’t know this guy.

“C’mon, over here,” Felix ushers you over, tone soft. When you’re with him, Seungmin and Jeongin, he sighs, rubbing your back. “Crazy, right? At least you can say you met Spiderman now.”

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Jisung is safe, thank god. You kind of feel guilty for not worrying about him at the moment, but he’d text you shortly after, saying he’d left just before it all kicked off because he felt a little under the weather. He wanted to make sure you were okay, though, so he texted you as soon as he could. You’d never admit the blush that rose to your cheeks when you read it.

It’s quiet in your room. Your parents had sprinted to you as soon as you’d come through the door, having seen the situation on the news, and you’d reassured them that Spiderman had saved you. It definitely changed your dad’s perspective of him, and now you lie on your bed feeling more than relieved.

Your fingers tap on your tummy in thought, though. He was making his voice deeper, that much you could tell, but why? How was he there so quickly? There’s no fucking way he was a student. Still, that body in the tight suit… you’d definitely been looking. You’re a woman, of course you were going to look. He had a figure enviable to every man. Broad shoulders, abs just slightly visible, strong legs that carried you over to the window…

In your dreamlike fantasy, you’re considering something you previously never would’ve thought of. What if Jisung was underneath that suit? Now, that would be perfect. Both of your crushes being one being, Jisung pulling that suit up his lithe thighs and letting it settle over his broad pecs.

Before you know it, your hand is dipping under the hem of your pyjama pants, unable to feel guilty for thinking about your best friend in this way. Besides, it wouldn’t be the first time, with many of your nights spent whimpering into your pillow and coming apart on your own fingers wishing they were his. He had such nice hands… What if it was him who had grabbed you from underneath that table? Your hand trails down to find your folds, slick and ready for whatever you had in store, but you focus on your clit, swollen and aching between your bottom lips. Would he finger you in the gloves if you asked, let you ride his abs in the suit until completion? Would he kiss you upside down, hanging from the-

A tap on your window makes you jump. The room is dark, save for your bedside lamp, and you turn rapidly to see a faceless figure just about popping in from the corner. You yank your hand out of your bottoms, squeaking, and then you squint to try and see the figure closer.

Holy shit. Spiderman is at your bedroom window.

Your cotton tank top is revealing, so you turn immediately to reach for your dressing gown and tie it around your figure. You pad over to the window in your socks, still wide-eyed and completely baffled, and then you turn the handle to allow him access. What the fuck?

“What the fuck?” You blurt, toes curling against your floor. Spiderman swings inside instead of responding, walking around your room like he’s been there a million times before. “No, seriously, what the fuck?”

He turns to you, shrugging. “I said I’d see you later, didn’t I?”

You blanch. He did say that, yes, but that still doesn’t explain the million questions you have right now. “Well, yeah, but- how do you know where I live?”

“I- uh, found it in the school office,” He hops up onto your bed, sitting cross legged. His mask hides his face, but he hums in pleasure at the feeling of the bedsheets on him. “After the fight, I went in there. Glad you’re okay, by the way.”

He’s still making his voice deeper, and you blink, nodding in response. “I’m great. Can I- can I ask why you’re here?”

He shrugs again, fiddling with a loose thread on your duvet. “No reason. Got bored. I was swinging around and remembered I saw your address on the computer.”

“Right,” You shake your head, still baffled. Instead of questioning him further, you jump onto the bed in front of him and copy his position, cross legged. “Don’t you have, like, recovering to do? I heard you got beat pretty bad.”

“Nah, no way,” He scoffs, rolling his neck. You suppress a smile. Cocky. “Spider venom, y’know? It repairs everything super quick.”

You were right. You can’t suppress a smile at his response, clicking your fingers at his masked face. “I fucking knew it! I guessed it was the venom.”

He stops fiddling with the duvet, turning to you and tilting his head in question. “You’re smart, aren’t you? Hey, are you the one that’s friends with that kid?”

You narrow your eyes. Jisung’s a liar. If Spiderman knows who he is, that means they’ve met more than once, and Jisung lied. You reach for your phone, ready to bitch him out via text, but Spiderman knocks your phone out of your hand. You turn to him, confused.

“Talk to me,” He whines. “I told you I was bored!”

You roll your eyes. “Okay, damn. Yes, I’m friends with Jisung. Why?”

“No reason,” He wiggles forward on your bed, grabbing your hand. You’re confused, but then he launches you into an intense thumb war, one that you were never going to win. Everytime you go to move your thumb in response to his, he’s got you pinned, and before he speaks again you’re five rounds down. “He’s pretty cool, right?”

“Who?” You ask, still focusing on the thumb war.

“Jisung,” He clarifies, clearing his throat. Making his voice that deep must be taking its toll on his vocal chords. “He’s kinda cool. Super smart, I thought.”

“He definitely is,” You laugh when he pins your thumb down again, swatting at his wrist to get him off of you. “He’s smarter than me.”

“And, uh,” He clears his throat again, leaning back on your bed. Leaning back like that, you have a full view of his body in his suit, and you have to stare at the posters on your wall to avoid looking at him. He puts his hands behind his head, the full picture of relaxation, and you wished he’d stop throwing you this random curveball behaviour. “Is that all you think of him? Just smart?”

You blush, finally reverting your eyes to him. “What do you mean?”

“I just mean… Do you have a crush on him, or?”

“Who wants to know?” You bristle, playing with your hands in your lap. You look down at your chipped nail polish, awkwardly shifting on the bed in your pyjamas. “I don’t even know who you are.”

“No one knows who I am,” He responds easily. “I want to know. Tell me. Do you have a crush on him?”

“I’m not telling you that-”

“I’m bored!” He whines again, sitting up. You let him grab your hand again, pulling your pinky finger into a promise. You swear you see the mask smile. “Tell me!”

“Okay, damn,” You sigh, exasperated. Was he on molly or something? Are you dreaming? “I guess so. I guess I always have, yeah, I don’t know. I don’t think he’d ever like me like that.”

He coos at that, taking your hand in his. It’s strangely comforting. “Why not?”

“He’s- well, I don’t think I’m good enough for someone like him,” You admit, scratching the back of your neck. “It’s awkward. He’s my best friend. It would ruin things, and I guess I’ve never let myself think about it like that.”

“You should,” He hums. You blink, staring at him. What the hell is he on about? “I just mean you should. Maybe he likes you too, y’know? I like my best friend. I’d love to know if she likes me back.”

“You do?” You wiggle closer, eager to know more. “You like your best friend? What’s she like?”

“Well,” He strokes your hand again before pulling away, leaning his chin on his hand. “She’s super pretty. Smart, too. I’ve known her since like, forev- for a few years, I think, in total.”

“It’s kind of the same with me and Jisung,” You sigh again, pouting. “I’ve known him for my whole life, basically. I’m just scared it’ll ruin things, but I think about him a lot when I’m on my own.”

He snickers. “Really? Like when you’re doing what you were doing when I got here?”

You swat at his shoulder, blushing bright red. “Shut up, oh my god! I thought you- shut up. Just don’t.”

“Maybe he thinks about you then too, I don’t know,” He shrugs nonchalantly, and then he’s getting up and pacing around. You watch him fiddle with a few photo frames on your desk, humming at ones of you and Jisung when you were younger and even fiddling with a few of your academic medals and prizes. “I won’t tell him, by the way.”

“You see him often?” You ask, voice soft. “He said-”

“Nah, I’ve only seen him once or twice,” He stretches his arms above his head, still staring at your desk full of trinkets. “He doesn’t know who I am.”

“Can I know?”

He turns to you. “Know what?”

“I want to know who you are,” Your voice is confident, but you feel anything but, teeth chewing your bottom lip nervously. “You saved me, and now you’re in my bedroom. I feel that I deserve to know.”

He sighs loudly this time, walking towards the window. “When we get to know eachother better, maybe.”

“Wait, hang on,” You watch him sling a foot out of the window, exasperated. He can’t leave! “Where are you going? I thought you said you were bored-”

“Things to do, baby,” He replies quickly. You blink. That ‘baby’ sounds awfully familiar, and you stand up quickly to walk towards the window, but he’s already webbing away. “Bye!”

You stand there, shocked and confused. He’s swinging from building to building away from you, and you’re just standing there like an idiot. You were interrupted before you could even start touching yourself, forced into a thumb war and coerced into admitting your deepest, darkest secret, and then he just… leaves? Just like that?

Your life is proving to be a little more interesting than you thought, but your dreams were filled with familiar round cheeks beneath a red and blue mask.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

“Baby, is there a reason why your eyes are burning holes into the side of my head?”

You’re convinced your best friend is Spiderman. There, sitting beside you with his glasses sliding down his nose and comfortable in a grey hoodie and pink Hello Kitty pyjama bottoms on, it’s hard to believe. But you’re not stupid.

First of all, since he started that internship with Mr Bang, he’s been weird about letting you inside his room. This is the same person that you had many sleepovers with growing up, and as recently as a few months ago you’d been cuddling in bed together watching Howl’s Moving Castle. He has something to hide, but you’d been let down when you’d arrived at his house earlier and shouldered past him to find literally nothing of suspicion inside his room, other than an anime girl mouse pad with the boobs to rest your wrist on. You knew that existed though, ever since his birthday last year when Felix had gifted it to him, so what gives?

Secondly, Sohee is more stressed out than ever. You’d caught sight of her flitting around the kitchen when you arrived for your homework friend-date, scrubs on and ready to head to the hospital but still panicking about something. Jisung said multiple times that he’d been helping her out more and that’s why he’s been so busy lately. She shouldn’t still be panicking.

Thirdly, Spiderman wouldn’t make his voice deeper to you unless you knew him. He wouldn’t need to, or you wouldn’t recognise his voice - unless it’s a habit he’s picked up, perhaps. That doesn’t change that the way he called you baby last night sounded a little bit too familiar, too comfortable. It came out of his mouth like second nature.

Still, it makes no sense. Surely Jisung would have told you? You’re his best friend, he said so, so he’d tell you. Or would he? Maybe Felix knows. You’re also hoping deep down that it isn’t true, because if it is, you told your crush last night that you liked him.

You can’t even be mad at Jisung for it. He’s still staring at you, and you’re staring blankly back while shoving snacks into your mouth. There’s crumbs all over your homework.

“Jisung,” You begin, and he hums in response. “Would you tell me your deepest, most serious secret if I worked it out?”

He chokes on his energy drink, spluttering neon blue liquid all over his bed. You want to giggle, to make fun of him, but you’re sure you’ve gotten somewhere here. He wipes his mouth, clears his throat, and turns back to you. His hands are shaky where they clutch his textbook, and his eyes are almost blurry through the glasses. “I tell you everything anyway.”

“I don’t think you do,” You respond, quick as a beat. He blinks, lips parting. “Not by that reaction, Jisung. I think you’re hiding something from me.”

He scratches his nose with the end of his pen, looking down at the textbook again. You raise an eyebrow. “I’m not hiding anything.”

“Okay,” You hum. He sighs, scribbling something on the paper. It’s so quiet in the room that you can hear his pen scribbling, but you’re speaking again before you can even think. “Did I tell you Spiderman came to my room last night?”

He gulps audibly. “Nope.”

“Yeah, it was kinda weird,” You take a sip from your energy drink, still staring at him vacantly. Jisung’s eyes flit up to you, and then back down to the textbook. Oh, he knows. He knows that you know. He knows that you know that he knows. “He saved me in school, when that alien thing was there, and then he came to my room and asked me about you.”

“He, uh- really? Did he?”

“Mhm,” Your gaze is steely. “Jisung, I know you’re Spiderman.”

Jisung bursts out laughing. It would be believable, but you’ve known him since you were four years old and it’s a fake laugh. He’s cackling, loud as brass, and he lets out a little “ooh” afterwards as if he can’t believe you. “Baby, that’s the craziest theory you’ve ever come up with.”

“Is it?” You question, head tilting to the side. Then, in the smartest moment you’ve ever had, you pick up Jisung’s energy drink from the floor. He’s still looking at you, a fake smile on his lips, and you take a sip from it casually. Sharing drinks isn’t new for you. You glug back the artificial blue raspberry flavour, and then keeping eye contact with him, you let go.

Before the can is able to fall and spill the rest of its contents over your own textbook, and inevitably Jisung’s One Piece bed sheets, he reaches out and grabs it, hand wrapping around the can, quick as a flash. It all happens in about a second, and you gasp. Jisung gasps. His hand tightens around the can and it crinkles, an impossible show of strength, and then he’s blinking at you. You raise an eyebrow.

“I knew it.”

He puts the can safely on the bedside table, and then he’s slamming his textbook shut. You watch in confusion as he paces back and forth on his bedroom floor, running his hands through his hair over and over.

“Okay!” He points at you, victorious. “That was a reflex. I knew you were going to do that, I’m smart, duh! I knew you were going to drop the can to prove something, and-”

“Jisung,” You say, voice soft. He stops pacing, sock clad feet rooted on the carpet to stare at you. You’re going to get him. You’re going to get him good. “Do you not want me to know? Is that what this is?”

He immediately falls to the floor, head resting on your knee as he looks up at you. You can’t even feel sorry for him, because your plan is working perfectly. His eyes are round and vulnerable, and then he clenches them shut in distress. You think he’s probably a second away from crying. “Baby, it’s not that. I wanted to protect you. It would be dangerous if the bad guys knew who you were, knew that you knew, and I know I shouldn’t have come to your room, that was wrong of me, and-”

You giggle. Jisung furrows his eyebrows, eyes opening. “I knew I was right.” He gasps, pointing at you again.

“Judas! You’re a judas!” He’s shocked, leaning back on his haunches and staring at you. “I can’t- I can’t believe you, that was so-”

“Sneaky? Good? Smart?” You list, leaning back on his twin bed. He stands up, hands on his hips. You’re ready for him to bitch you out, but you don’t care - you knew that you had to know, had to have it confirmed. He taps his foot, and then you see a smile break out on his lips.

“Okay, yeah, that was pretty good,” He hums, returning to the bed. You let him shut your own textbook and sprawl across you, head in your lap. “I’m sorry, baby. I should’ve told you.”

You sigh, reaching down to run your fingers through his hair. “That’s okay, Ji. It’s fine. I’m just a little embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed? Why?” Jisung asks, his eyes fluttering shut from the feeling of your nails on his scalp. You want to scoff. Embarrassed for two major reasons - one, because you’ve been gushing about how cool Spiderman is for weeks, maybe even months, and two because you told Spiderman last night that you liked Jisung. Spiderman and Jisung are the same person. Sure, it makes things easier. You no longer have a crush on two people, only one, but it doesn’t change the fact that Jisung knows and is yet to say anything.

“I’ve been talking to you about Spiderman for weeks,” You blush, pushing his hair off of his forehead. He whines, thrashing his feet and shaking his head like a dog to hide his forehead again. He’s so dramatic. You like him so bad. “And- and you- it was you, then. You came to my room last night.”

“Yeah, that was risky,” He responds, exasperated. “I just had to, baby. I don’t know, you always seemed so interested in Spiderman and not me. I needed to know if you saw me like you saw him.”

You pause your movements on his head, blinking at the wall in front of you. When you turn back to him, he’s blushing, teeth gnawing his bottom lip. His eyes are conveniently staring at the window, away from you.

“Jisung,” You start, hesitant. “What do you mean?”

He sits up sharply. “Wanna go on the roof?”

“T-The roof? Jisung, how are we gonna- oh. Oh.”

Jisung jumps up from the bed, toeing his sliders onto his feet and pushing the window open. It gives you deja vu - that same figure was pushing the window open just like this to place you safely outside in school yesterday, and then he was coming through your window to see you late at night. It’s hard to believe that they’re the same person, the man you admired so much and your best friend who’s standing by the window expectantly waiting for you to join him.

You hesitantly stand up, brushing off imaginary crumbs from your joggers and looking at Jisung. He smiles, a soft, reassuring smile, and then he’s scooping you up from the floor and wrapping your legs around his waist. It’s slender, the plush flesh of your thighs almost obscuring it, and you squeak in surprise at being in the air.

“I- Jisung?!”

“You have to hold on tight,” He says. His face is inches away from yours, plush lips looking more than appealing and his glasses making him look so endearing. “I need my hands for this, so hold onto my shoulders.”

You nod, face blushing crimson at the realisation of just how close you are. Would he have you like this if he fucked you? Legs around his waist, hands on his shoulders, his face so close to yours as he pants and whines and moans-

You squeak again when he slides out of the window, and then you see him in action. His hands stick to the outside of the apartment building, feet kicking up against the concrete wall. Your heart is racing so badly it feels as though it could burst out of your chest, but you’re not sure if it’s because of the height or because you’re tightly pressed against Jisung.

When he swings you both over the side ledge on the roof, you notice the sun’s set already. Time always goes by quickly with Jisung, but the stars are already out, and the air is crisp and biting against your limbs despite the layers. Once he’s safely stood on the roof, he places his hands underneath your thighs and detaches you from his firm body, placing you on your feet.

You’re disorientated, shocked at the sheer height of the building and at the way Jisung seems to be swinging you around like it’s nothing, but he’s simply staring at you. A wide smile stretches from ear to ear, and he blinks when you don’t say anything. “It’s cool, right?”

“Y-Yeah, super cool,” You admit, chest heaving. “Really high up, but cool. Jisung, why are we on the roof?”

He’s wrangling you, hands on your arms and pushing you to the floor. It feels firm, but with what you now know about him, you know he’s holding back. He plops down next to you, eyes wide and expectant.

“I wanted to do it properly,” He begins. He pauses for a moment, licks his lips, pushes his glasses up his nose, and then he’s speaking again. “I like you, so that’s why I asked. Is it romantic up here? It feels romantic, but I’m not too sure-“

He stands up and begins pacing around the roof before you realise he’s even moved. You raise an eyebrow. “Jisung?”

“I wanted to do this right, y’know?” He pauses, hands on his hips. He looks comical, trying to assert dominance over you like that in those Hello Kitty pyjama trousers. “I- I wanted to swing by and like, grab you, or something? But then you worked it out, and now I’m just standing here with you on a roof…”

He continues mumbling like a mad scientist, eyes focused on a spot next to your head. You stand up, making your way towards him, and he still refuses to look at you. He likes you back. He likes you back, and he’s still your best friend - he’s still Jisung, but he’s also Spiderman, and you’re okay with that. You don’t have to like two people. You only like one, and it’s your goofy best friend.

“Is this even romantic? You know, we could just forget about it and-“

You press your lips to his. He doesn’t make any form of surprised noise, only cupping your cheeks with his hands and pulling you close to him. His glasses bump against your face, his lips pouty against yours and plush and maybe a bit too wet for a first kiss, but you’d always figured he’d take it too far. That’s what you like about him. Jisung never does anything by halves.

It’s brief, too brief for your liking, but then he’s pulling away with a satisfied grin on his face. You blink. Wait.

“Wait, your stupid- your stupid spidey things. Did you know I was going to kiss you?” You pout, and he giggles. “No, seriously! Could you like- I don’t know, feel it coming?”

“Not until you were like, a few inches from my face,” Jisung admits, and his teeth gleam in the brilliance of the evening. “I had a feeling you might.”

You sigh. “So why didn’t you stop talking?”

“Dunno,” He shrugs. “I couldn’t stop once I started.”

The statement is so true to Jisung, so in character for your best friend that you can do nothing but accept it.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

It’s easy to fall into a different routine with Jisung.

He never asked you to be his girlfriend. You’re pretty sure you’re fine with that, though - things have had a natural manner of progressing, and now your best friend slash boyfriend slash superhero turns up at your window every night after he’s been on his neighbourhood patrol. Sometimes he’s a little bruised, and sometimes he’s just looking for consolation kisses.

It’s a normal night for you when it happens. Jisung’s halfway out of your bedroom window on his way to perform perfect justice, pulling his mask down over his annoyingly beautiful face. You’re standing a few feet away grinning like an idiot.

“I’ll see you later, my baby,” You can see his grin through the mask. The eyes on his mask form beautiful crescent moons with his happiness. He falters, legs swinging on your windowsill. “Wait. I am coming back here, yeah?”

“Of course,” You giggle. He sends you two fingers in a mock salute, and you watch him begin his journey up the wall to your roof. A beat passes and you’re still standing there, smiling, hands on your hips, and then the masked head of your best friend pops back down into your window, upside down, tilting to the side in confusion. You blink, confused. “What is it, Sungie?”

“Well, where’s my goodbye kiss? Damn,” He huffs, and you roll your eyes playfully. You make your way to the window, sock-clad feet padding on your carpet, and you pull his mask down to his eyes with two fingers. It miraculously stays on his head, and his lips form a teasing grin.

Despite him being upside down, you place a chaste kiss to his lips, and you watch in amusement as he swings away afterwards. You can still hear him giggling with glee from a few buildings away.

It’s a few hours later when he comes back. You’re flicking through a book for English, scrawling notes and highlighting words on sticky notes. It’s started to rain, and the city lights only look brighter in the dusk with the pattering of water on your window. You left it open, of course, for your superhero, but the cold air bites at your arms even through the fluffy blanket you’ve got wrapped around yourself.

Just as you’re beginning to contemplate closing it, a louder, more prominent tap hits the glass. When you turn to the window, Jisung is slouched against your windowsill, chest heaving beneath red lycra and forehead pressed against the glass. He’s got his mask between his teeth, and his hair is dishevelled, floppy brown locks obscuring his eyes. You can still catch sight of the bruising on his cheekbones and you gasp, rushing towards the window.

You drop your blanket in shock, but you swing the window open, pulling Jisung inside with one hand. He stumbles through, disoriented and confused, and you lead him to sit on the edge of your bed.

“Got hurt,” He explains, huffing out a breath. The mask drops from his teeth unceremoniously, with a wet plop to your carpeted floor, but you don’t care. You rush to sit next to him, fingers gripping his chin to pull him to face you. His eyes are round, sincere, and he gives you a soft smile. “It’ll heal before long, baby, don’t panic.”

“I am panicking,” You say, resolute, because you really are. Bruising is scattered across his cheekbones, fading into green on the plush of his cheeks and his lip looks like it had been burst, but is already healing. “Will it- will it take long? Do you need me to get the first aid kit, or-“

“Baby,” He shakes his head, grabbing your hands. You watch with parted lips as he leans forward, both of you cross legged on the end of your bed. It reminds you of when Spiderman first visited you, when you weren’t quite sure of his identity. Jisung presses his forehead against yours, and you let him look into your eyes. It’s like he’s demanding everything that’s ever gone through your head to be vocalised. You’d tell him if he asked. “I’m really okay. I’m a little shaken up, but I’m fine. Most of it is on my ribs from falling, to be honest.”

“Your ribs?!” You shriek. “Show me. Let me see, I need to help you-“

You’re already trying to wrangle Jisung out of his suit, and he giggles, clearly thinking this is all just some game. He holds his arms up pliantly, though, and you don’t have the thought processing ability within you to realise that Jisung’s suit is an all-in-one and you’re currently stripping him down to his boxers.

The suit is wet too when you drop it to the floor, and before long you’re blinking at your best friend in his plain black boxers and he’s grinning at you as if this is any other day. There’s no bruising on his ribs. You’re staring at his abs, regardless, so you’re not sure you would’ve even noticed.

“You look fine.”

“I told you it heals quickly, baby,” He grins. You blink when he wriggles on your bed, laying on his back and stretching his arms above his head again, this time to get comfortable. His legs stretch out too, and you avoid looking anywhere below his waist.

His body is a spectacle. You can’t stop looking. Broad shoulders taper off into an extremely defined chest and a tight, thin waist adorned with prominent abdominal muscles, before reaching a v-line that leads into his boxers. You’re wide eyed, wanting nothing more than to reach out and run your fingers down his honey toned skin.

“Why-“ You cough, clearing your throat. Jisung raises an eyebrow. He’s grinning from ear to ear, teeth gleaming. “Why did you let me strip you if you’re literally fine?”

The bruising on his cheek is already fading. He shrugs nonchalantly, crossing his arms over his chest. His biceps bulge with the movement and you think you might choke on your own spit. “You seemed pretty determined, so I just allowed it. You wanted to see me naked, I assumed, so-“

“Jisung!” You wail, slapping his shoulder. He groans in pain, catching your hand, and he grits his teeth with a hiss.

“My shoulder! Fuck, that hurt, ouch, baby! What was that for?!”

You gasp. He clutches his shoulder, letting out little pants of hurt sounding noises. You let your head fall to his chest, engulfing him with a hug. “Jisung, I’m so sorry-“

“Hehe,” He giggles. When you look at him, he’s sticking his tongue out, completely fine. You groan, annoyed you fell for it, and then he’s grabbing your forearms and pulling you upwards on top of him.

Your breasts press against his chest like this, due to your lack of bra in your sleep shirt, and his eyes widen when he feels it. Instead of letting you go, his hands move to your back, encompassing you in his strong hold.

You gasp, wiggling in his grip, and he licks his lips. His eyes go to your lips, and then back up to your eyes, as if he’s hesitant.

“I-“ He begins, faltering. “Are you my girlfriend?”

You scoff out a laugh. “I don’t know, am I?”

“I hope so,” Jisung admits, his facial expression vulnerable. His eyes dart to something behind you, as if he’s not sure, almost shy. You’re not sure you’ve ever seen him shy. “I don’t know. I didn’t ask, but I want you to be, if you want to be.”

“I want to be,” You nod. He nods in response, and you watch his eyes flicker to your lips again. It’s silent for a moment, and then he leans in, pressing his lips against yours.

The kiss is more charged than usual. Before now, you’re used to chaste, fleeting kisses from your superhero, but now he lets his tongue tease against the seam of your lips. Your eyes flutter shut, and his eyelashes brush against your skin where he does the same. You let your lips part, and Jisung’s quick to grip your back harder, tongue darting inside your mouth with impatience.

You’ve made out with someone before. You’d never had sex with someone before, but you had made out with someone. It was only once at a party when you were a little bit younger but it had felt like a good idea at the time. You’re sure Jisung’s lost his virginity though, but when he whimpers against your lips and his hips squirm a little you’re not too sure.

You pull away from the kiss, lips a little wet, and Jisung’s mouth goes to your neck. You allow him to suck a mark into the expanse of skin just underneath your jaw, his fingers grabbing impatiently at your back. “Sungie, are you a virgin?”

Jisung pulls away, licking his lips. You feel something hard pressing against your thigh where you lay on top of him. You’re thanking every entity ever that your parents are out for a work dinner. “Yeah, I am. I would have told you if I wasn’t,” He confirms, a little breathless. His hips wiggle again. “Is that- is that okay, baby?”

“Yeah, of course,” You smile, comforting. You peck his lips again and he grins back at you. “I am too.”

“I know,” He responds, quick as a flash. You blush. That’s embarrassing. “No, I just mean- you also would’ve told me, y’know?”

“That’s true,” You shrug. You’re feeling a little overconfident, and you move in his hold, having felt it gone a little lax with your kissing. You let your thighs spread over his hips, his hard shaft pressing against your core through your pyjama bottoms and his boxers. You still feel it, though, and it makes your pussy gush a little. “Is- is this okay?”

He’s blushing. His lips part, and he nods, perhaps too eagerly because he clutches his neck afterwards like he’s got whiplash. “Baby, you’re- I have a pretty girl in my lap. This is so okay. Like, so okay, I might have a heart attack and die, probably.”

You shift, and he winces. “Sorry,” You say. It’s a fake apology. You want to swallow his cock down your throat until he cries, and you don’t even know how to. You’d try your best though. “If I lost my virginity, I’d want it to be with you.”

“Damn,” Jisung whistles, eyebrows raised. “Let me hit?”

You giggle, tilting your head to the side. “I’ll let you hit right now, Jisung.”

Jisung shoots upwards into a seated position. His eyes are wide. “Right now?”

“Right now,” You confirm. You go from straddling his lap to laying on your back on your bed in a flash, and Jisung looms over you, all tight, toned muscles and broad shoulders.

“I’ll make it so good, baby, I promise,” He says, and then he’s kissing you again. It’s even messier this time, lips pressing against yours over and over and his tongue adding a collection of spit to the mix. You let your thighs fall apart, his hips quick to fill the space and press his cock against you. His hands go to your waist as he kisses you, sucking and biting on your lips until you’re whining with it, but he doesn’t let up. He’s desperate, messy, and it’s only making your pussy drool even more.

The rain hits the window still, cooling off a little but still providing a calming effect to your room when combined with the orange-pink of your lamp. He inches his palms up your shirt, the softness of his hands surprising you, and then he’s pulling away from your mouth to yank the fabric over your head.

You’re left in just your pyjama bottoms, lips kiss bitten and nipples pebbled against the cool air of your bedroom. You never had shut your window, after all.

“Oh,” Jisung says, exasperated. You finally open your eyes to see him staring at your tits, and you think he might be drooling. “Oh, yeah, my baby. They are so fucking good.”

You almost laugh, but you’re cut off by your own strangled moan when his pouty lips engulf your right nipple. He sucks on it, hard, and when your back arches he lets it slip out of his mouth with a wet popping noise. It’s only a brief moment of reprieve before he’s letting his teeth skim along the bud, and you keen, fingers moving upwards from his shoulders to grip onto the pillow behind your head.

“Oh, that’s so- Sungie, baby, that feels good,” You whine, and he hums against your breast. When he moves to the other one, he tweaks your wet nipple between two fingers. It’s experimental, but the whole thing is, and you buck your hips up impatiently.

His hands move to your ass, scooping underneath you and making you grind slightly against him. The movement makes him moan, your nipple leaving his mouth. A string of drool attaches to his lips and his tongue lolls out lazily, and before you can process it, he’s grinding his cock into your clothed centre.

“Oh- oh, fuck,” He whines, eyes clenching shut. You whimper in response, arms wrapping around his shoulders. “Baby- baby, baby. Baby, I’ve thought about this so much, I- fuck, you’re gonna feel so good around my cock.”

His words are so crude that they make you keen, nodding enthusiastically. “I thought about it too. I- I touched myself thinking about it, Sungie, did you?”

He gasps sharply, and there’s a fumbling between your legs. He rocks backwards on his haunches, and you see him gripping his cock impatiently underneath his boxers, fingers wrapped tight around the base.

“I will literally cum if I imagine that,” He huffs, breathless. “But yes. I did, many times, and- and- baby, can I see your pussy?”

It’s so bold that you can’t say no. You never would have dreamed of saying no anyway, and you nod, wiggling your bottoms down your legs. You never wear a bra or panties underneath your pyjamas, and your pussy is revealed to him in all its drooly glory, folds sticking together with your arousal.

Jisung’s jaw goes slack. You watch him jerk his cock, eyes fixated on your wet hole, and you shift impatiently.

“I showed you mine, Sungie,” You huff. “Show me yours.”

He nods, eyes still glued to your pussy. Your clit is swollen with arousal, some wetness stuck onto it, and you reach down to trace your fingertips over it absentmindedly while he pushes his boxers down. His cock slaps up against the bottom of his tummy, cockhead leaking beneath his foreskin, precum slicking the smattering of hair at his base. His balls look heavy, shaft swollen and fat between lithe thighs, and you can’t help but go a little googly eyed at the thought of him stretching you out.

He grabs it, pumps his cock a few times while you rub your fingers over your clit. “Is- is it okay, baby?” He gasps, cock leaking steadily in his fist.

“You’re so sexy, Sungie, ‘s so big. I- oh,” You whine, spreading your arousal over your folds. You prop your feet up, letting your legs fall wide, and the movement must expose your soppy hole to Jisung because his eyes widen even further. “I want you inside of me so bad. I’ve wanted it for so long, I just- shit, Jisung, what are you-“

You’re cut off by him diving between your legs. His cock is forgotten, his hands looping around your ass again to spread you wide, and his tongue presses against your core. He moans at the taste, and you whimper out loud, head rolling against your pillow. It’s messy and you can tell he’s inexperienced, but when he sucks your clit between his lips you can’t find it in you to care.

“Oh, oh- baby, baby! You’re good at that, so good at that, baby,” You babble, trying your best not to grind up into his mouth. His mouth is just as wet as your pussy, his lips drooling all over you. You’re cut short when he flattens his tongue against your core, moaning out loud, and his hands move your ass just a bit. “I- you- Sungie-?”

“Grind on my face, baby, c’mon,” He murmurs, muffled by your folds, and you oblige. Your hand goes to his hair, yanking on the dark brown strands, and you hold him in place while you grind your pussy senseless on his tongue. Your boy is good with his mouth, you realise - he’s pliant, letting you make yourself cum on his tongue and lips, and after only a few grinds you’re sure you’re going to fall apart for him.

“Ah! Ah, oh, baby, your mouth is- Sungie, Sungie,” You whine, feet kicking on the bed. Your legs go flat, but as the pleasure builds up in your core, your thighs tighten around his ears. He likes this, moaning loud to the point the vibrations make you jolt. It’s all so wet, your pussy dripping with arousal and his saliva, dripping down to your asshole. It has you wondering if Jisung would eat your ass further down the line, and your eyes flicker to his - would he let you eat his? He probably would, with how submissive he’s being.

His hips buck downwards on the bed and he keens into your pussy, and you realise he’s humping your mattress. He’s so desperate for you that he just can’t help himself, and you moan, loud and unabashed. The sight has you hurtling towards your orgasm.

“I’m gonna fucking cum, baby,” You warn, and he finally lets up, pulling back to suck on your clit. His hand moves over to the top of your pussy, pulling your mound backwards, and the exposure of your clit directly to his lips is your downfall. You wail, bucking your hips into his mouth, and you can hear yourself talking and moaning but you’re not sure what you’re saying, only able to feel your hole gushing into Jisung’s mouth over and over.

Jisung licks over your clit a few times comfortingly, and then he’s on top of you again, face looming over yours. His right hand holds him up steadily and the other stays downwards, hooked on your thigh to keep you open.

“You taste delicious, baby,” He grins, mouth wet. When he presses his lips to yours he’s desperate, tongue darting into your mouth to let you taste your own cum. You let your hands fall to his chest, fingernails digging into the muscles. The filthiness of it all has you wriggling around impatiently again, and Jisung’s cockhead slips against your clit, making you whine into his mouth. He pulls away, gasping for air with the sensation, and you kiss the beauty spot on his cheek for good measure. “Baby. M-my baby, shit, can- can I fuck you now? Have you got a condom, I- shit, I need to fuck you?”

He’s breathless, giggling at his own desperation, and you nod eagerly. You’re on the pill, and realistically you’d want nothing more than him to creampie you, but you have a shred of logic still left in your brain. “No condom. I- I don’t have any, can you pull out? I know it’s not-“

“Don’t care,” He huffs, legs moving to prop himself up more securely. His knees dig into your bed, and he pulls your thigh further apart, letting his eyes fall down to your pussy. His face is more than pornographic when he sees the visual of his cockhead sliding through your folds, eyebrows furrowed and lips parted. He lets his eyes flutter shut, a small profanity leaving his mouth. “You’re sure I can fuck you raw? I- please, p-please, baby. I need to be inside.”

“Jisung,” You whine. He lets his tip bump against your clit again, and you grow too desperate, reaching down yourself to grab his cock. The feeling makes him whimper, his fingers ripping into the pillow beside your head with his superhuman strength, but you’re too out of it to care. You position his cock by your hole, soppy and wet with your own cum, and he can’t hold himself back - he pushes in, all of it at once, a long, anguished noise leaving his mouth. “Oh. Oh- Oh, Jisung, that’s-“

“Is it okay? Are you okay?” Jisung asks, breathless. “Does it hurt? I- baby, baby-“

He’s still completely stationary, but he can’t stop talking, chest heaving and flushed pink. You shake your head. It doesn’t hurt. You’re wet enough that he glided in so easy, stretching your pussy in the most pleasurable, delicious way. You didn’t think it would ever feel this good, but you’re sure it’s because it’s Jisung.

“God, is it- does it feel good?” He questions you, and you nod eagerly, hands moving to rest on his biceps. He repositions you both so that your legs are wrapped around his waist, his arms holding himself up over you, and the movement has him sliding deeper, making you whimper. “Can I-“

“Fucking hell, Jisung, can you just move?” You huff, annoyed, and he giggles. He shakes his head fondly, and then he’s thrusting into you, slow but steady.

“Oh, that’s good,” He slurs, eyes rolling back into his head. “That pussy’s good. Jesus, you’re- you’re tight on my cock, baby, like a fuckin’ vice.”

“Your cock is so good,” You whine, trying to fuck yourself back on him. Your pussy is so wet that every thrust makes an audible noise, ringing throughout your room. If anyone walked past now they’d hear the debauchery, and you’re not sure you’d even care. “Fuck, Jisung- Jisung, you’re big. Please, please, more, I need more!”

“Okay, okay,” He moans, and then his hips speed up. His balls slap against your asshole with every thrust, his cock pistoning into you at a pace that has you wailing. The headboard slams against the wall. “Oh, fuckin’- baby, this puusssy.”

“It feels so good. Your cock is stretching me out so good, baby-“

“Fuck, wait,” He whines, pulling out sharply. When you look down between his legs his cock is painfully hard, and his pubic hair is drenched with you. The sight makes you even more eager to get him back inside of you, but Jisung grabs the base of his cock tightly, his chest heaving. “I- I’ll cum if you talk like that. Fuck, this is so embarrassing!”

“I want you to cum,” You insist, leaning up on your elbows. Your pussy is still leaking steadily onto your bedsheets, and you make grabby hands at your boy to try and get him back inside of you. “You made me cum so good in your mouth, Sungie, c’mon. Make yourself cum with my pussy.”

“Oh my God,” He moans, eyes half lidded, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re dirty. My fucking dream, holy shit.”

He leans over you once more, pushing his cock inside of you. It slides back in easily with another wet noise, and you moan, smiling with delight. “Mm, fuck this pussy, baby, c’mon.”

“I- fuck, okay,” He keens, nodding. His teeth bite into his lower lip almost painfully, and you kiss his neck while he starts to fuck into you again. With a quick reposition you let your thighs fall apart and further back, and his cock starts to hit your g-spot incessantly. He pulls away from you, head lolling into your neck. His breaths fan over your skin, hot and heavy. “You’re so wet, why are you- how are you so wet, baby? This pussy, fucking- I’m gonna cum. I’m so close, I’m so close, please-“

The shred of logic has left your brain. His cock feels so good, thick and pressing inside of you. You have to let him do it. “Baby. Baby, do y’wanna- I’m on the pill, baby,” You say, breathless. His pace stops, hips halting, and he makes a confused noise. “Cum inside. Creampie this hole, Sungie, I know you want to.”

“Oh my fucking- baby? My baby, can I?” He wails, head pulling up to look at you. You catch sight of tears brewing in his eyes, glassy and unshed. “Baby, please, I’m gonna cum, please, where-? Baby?”

“Inside of me, Sungie,” You wrap your legs around him, pulling him inside of you, deep. You know he could get out of it if he wanted to, but he doesn’t, hips starting to pick up inside of you again. It’s fast, desperate and he keens, nodding. “You gonna fill me up, yeah?”

“Yeah. Y-yeah, yes, oh- I’m gonna fill you up,” Jisung’s words are slurred, quiet, and you let him fuck into you over and over. With a sharp noise, his hips slow once more, and you feel a rush of additional wetness inside of you. It’s warm, and you run your fingers through his hair while he fucks his cum inside of you. “Fuck. Baby, you’re so good to me, so good. Lettin’ me breed your cunt, and- and- oh. I’m still-“

He’s still cumming. It floods out of his cock and into your pussy steadily, and you giggle, feeling sated. Your delighted state of mind only lasts a second, because he pulls out sharply and wiggles down on the bed, attaching his mouth to your cunt. He’s eating his own cum out of you.

“Oh! Oh, Jisung, you’re- you’re dirty, Sungie, ah-“ You whine, fingers moving to his hair again. He licks you over and over until you’re wailing with it, your own tears brimming in your eyes from the overstimulation. Your hole feels stretched, a feeling you’re sure you could get used to, and you shake through a second orgasm.

Jisung’s quick to lean over you again, and then his thumb moves to your chin. He opens your mouth firmly, spitting your combined release into your mouth, and you moan, letting him press his tongue between your lips afterwards.

It’s messy and you let him kiss you for a bit, slow, languid, passionate kisses that have your core almost throbbing for more, if you weren’t so satisfied. Jisung’s soft cock presses against your tummy, wet with your combined arousal, and then he flops down next to you with a huff.

“God, I could go again,” He admits, hand running through his sweat mussed hair. When you turn to him, he’s grinning from ear to ear, and you giggle. He looks at you with a satisfied expression. “You’re the best. That was literally like, the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life. Even more than when I win some fight against an alien, or something.”

“Alien?” You ask, and then you remember. “Oh, yeah. Kinda forgot about that.”

“You forgot about me saving your life?!” He shrieks, thrashing around on the bed in a tantrum. “Seriously, if I wasn’t in love with you I would- ah. Oh.”

You blanch, blinking at him. It’s easy to ignore that you’re both naked when he’s just dropped a bombshell on you like that, and you let out a giggle. “That was sweet. I’m in love with you too, for the record.”

You’re attacked in a flurry of kisses, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re sure Han Jisung intrigues you just as much as his superhero alterego does, so it’s easy to accept.

[lobautumny]

So like, the Reddit strike going on right now, yeah? I've been seeing a lot of people comment on how they appreciate the protest and then go on to say that this has the notable downside of them constantly looking up questions and not being able to easily find the answers because all of the easily-findable answers are exclusively on Reddit. I am not sure if most of the people making this observation are within the line of thought of "man, maybe this protest isn't such a good idea after all" or "man, it really sucks that we've let the internet get so consolidated," and I'm really hoping its the latter.

Like, all of this? This right here? Reddit making a shitty, anti-consumer grab for money and control over how people are allowed to access the information on their servers, and the website going dark in protest causing tons of people to not be able to access important information? This is exactly what people mean when they say that it's bad that the internet has shrunk down so much and is mostly comprised of, like, 10 websites. It's a fucking problem that one company making one bad decision and causing their website to crash and burn can jeopardize so much of humanity's cumulative information.

This two-day glimpse into the internet without Reddit is the warning shot. Imagine what will happen if Reddit actually goes down for good for one reason or another one day. Imagine what will happen if/when Discord or Fandom bites the dust, or gets rendered practically-unusable without paying an ever-increasing premium because they're owned by blood-sucking corporate leeches.

Another big thing is Twitter clamping down really hard on your ability to DM people if you don't have Twitter Blue. If this goes through, it'll put a ton of artists and sex workers who rely on Twitter DMs for their business operation into a shitty situation. Now, obviously, it's not gonna be the end of the world for them, but once again, it feels like a warning shot to me. Twitter is a sinking ship, and unless something changes and it starts to course-correct, I worry that it'll go under and all of the creators who rely on it will suddenly be in an extremely precarious situation.

These are the sorts of things that we, as the users of the internet, need to seriously think about as time goes on, and if we don't find an adequate answer sooner, we're going to pay for it later. I still hold that the best solution is to start making and using more individual, niche websites. Things like Twitter, Reddit, Discord, etc. have their place, of course, but I seriously think a lot was lost through the death of things like individual forums and the existence of many different wiki-hosting sites.

We need a concerted effort, not just on the side of larger creators, but on the users themselves, to stop exclusively using these larger websites and support the creation and growth of smaller, more niche websites, and prevent a catastrophe before it actually happens. I simply hope that people with larger platforms than my own pick up on all this and start talking about it and swaying people to act sooner rather than later. I know it's possible to correct the problem of the mysteriously tiny internet before a modern Library of Alexandria moment happens, I just don't know if that correction will actually happen in time.