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avocadorablepirate · 28 days ago

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hiii!!! i was wondering if you can make a fic with the one piece males dating a short reader with a massive scythe and is actually super skilled with it (bonus points if you add law) you dont have to ofcourse!! i love your work!!

Hello, hello! Of course I can do this and of course I will add Law (wouldn’t dream of leaving him out)! Thank you for requesting and I’m so happy to hear that you like my work :) 💕 I hope you like this as well. I also hope you don’t mind, but I’ve written it as headcanons with a short one shot for each of them.

××××

Tiny But Lethal

Pairing: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Sabo, and Ace x fem!reader

Summary: Exploring what some One Piece men would be like with a short S/O whose weapon of choice is a scythe.

Word Count: 4.2K

Warnings: reader is kinda made fun of for being short, some light swearing, mentions of injuries, nicknames, Luffy’s is pretty platonic, Zoro’s implies that they’re attracted to each other but not dating (nothing else that I can think of, but let me know if you find anything)

Super excited to write this cause this is my first time writing something for anyone besides Law. I’ve stuck to Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Sabo, and Ace cause well, they’re some of my favourite OP men. Since this is my first time writing for most of them, I’m not really sure how well I’ve captured their personalities, and some of the headcanons/fics are pretty short, so feedback would be great. But anyway, I hope you guys like it!

Luffy

Outright calls you short as heck when he first meets you. “Damn, you’re tiny!”

Immediately asks you whether you can use your scythe to catch him some fish. He has no clue what it actually does.

Number one hype man. Constantly yelling your name from the sidelines like a proud cheerleader. But also never misses a chance to poke fun at your height.

Zero self awareness, or any awareness for that matter. So if he yeets you across a battlefield, he fully expects you to stick the landing.

Don’t even bother trying to act all dark and threatening when he’s around, man does not care and will not get the memo. “Is my tiny slicer going to pull some moves?”

He doesn’t fear you at all - but every time someone else does? He’s wheezing. “You’re scared of her?? But she’s tiny!”

xxxx

The Sunny rocked gently in the calm sea, the afternoon sun casting a warm golden glow over the deck. Laughter from the crew filtered across the ship, a peaceful lull slowly setting in. You sat leaned back against the railing, eyes closed as you drifted in and out of sleep.

“Oii Y/N~” came the singsong voice of your captain, followed by bouncy footsteps. “I’m hungry, could you catch some fish for me?”

You cracked one eye open to see Luffy looming over you, arms crossed and that stupid grin plastered on his face. He then pointed towards your scythe like it was a kitchen utensil.

“Luffy,” you deadpanned, “This is a deadly weapon, not some glorified fishing rod.”

“But it’s so big and sharp! You could easily slice a tuna or something.”

You stood up with a sigh and a roll of your eyes. “I’m not using my scythe-”

Before you could even protest, snap. Luffy’s rubber arm shot forward, coiling around your waist.

“Luffy, don’t you-!”

Too late. He launched you like a cannonball, laughing like a madman as he watched you soar across the sea.

You screamed as the wind roared in your ears, the ocean rushing up to meet you. With a quick flip midair, you angled your scythe just right, and dived into the water, blade first.

A massive splash rocked the Sunny - and the crew stood frozen as they watched in anticipation. A rush of bubbles followed, and two seconds later a giant fish, impaled right through the middle, burst from the water. You surfaced behind it - soaking wet and scowling.

Luffy cupped his hands around his mouth, then grinned from ear to ear. “You did it! Coolest fishing spear ever!”

You swam back to the ship, Sanji and Usopp hauling you and your kill up with a rope. From somewhere on the deck Zoro muttered, “Idiot.”

Luffy ran over to meet you, hands on his hips as he looked at you with absolute pride. “Let’s do that again!” he beamed.

You wrung the jacket you had been wearing, glaring at him before you jabbed a finger into his chest. “Do that again, and I’ll use you as fish bait next time.”

Luffy laughed once more, not taking your threat seriously. He never did.

Still…as you watched him fawn over your catch and ramble excitedly about how cool you looked, you couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at your lips.

Monkey D. Luffy was an absolute menace to society. But somehow - he was your menace.

Zoro

Kinda underestimated you the first time you met. Huge mistake. You called him out on it, and ended up goading him into a duel. Needless to say, the Sunny was nearly cut in half by the end of it.

Now he smirks every time someone doubts your abilities and just takes a step back and watches as all hell breaks loose.

Thinks your scythe style mirrors his own swordsmanship. Loves sparring with you.

There’s something about the way your small frame handles such a massive, deadly weapon that he finds…intensely attractive.

Lowkey think that the dynamic between the two of you would be similar to how things are between him and Tashigi: rivalry, respect and just a hint more of exasperated fondness.

Tries to play it cool, but actually finds it endearing when you’re trying to be ominous. It’s only a problem if you’re threatening him. Then it’s just annoying. And hot.

You once yelled at him for carrying you over his shoulder, he yelled back. “I’m trying to save your life!” The building was about to explode. You had no idea. He had no time to explain because, well, the building was about to explode. You’re still miffed about it though. Ah romance…

xxxx

Some say the only direction Zoro knows how to follow is the one that leads to you.

To those people, Zoro says he’ll fight them if they ever say it where you can hear.

But deep down, he’d agree. Even in the midst of chaos he always finds you. And in this moment with Marines closing in from all sides and the Sunny beginning to pull away from the island’s shore, that unspoken truth was obvious.

Zoro blocked another strike aimed for his side, knocking his opponent’s weapon out of their hands in one clean move. But his attention wasn’t on the fight anymore.

It was on the ship.

Luffy was on the deck.

Zoro’s brows furrowed. He knew that look - that stupid grin. His idiot captain was about to use his rubber powers to grab the both of you and haul you onto the deck without a second thought.

Something both you and Zoro hated.

He turned, scanning the battlefield. And then he saw you.

You were sauntering towards a Marine Captain like they had a death wish, scythe balanced lazily over your shoulder, and the arrogance of someone who knew they could rain chaos down on anyone stupid enough to challenge them.

“Damn it Y/N,” Zoro muttered under his breath, knowing you were not going to like what he was about to do. Still, he couldn’t deny - you were kinda hot.

Zoro didn’t have the time to call out to you. He just moved as fast as he could.

You didn’t see him coming. One second you were closing the distance between you and your target. The next, you were in the air, strong arms casually tossing you over their shoulder. Your anger boiled over when you saw who it was.

“Zoro!? What the hell!?” You yelled, desperately trying to get out of his grip so that you could go take care of that asshole of a Marine Captain who had decided to underestimate you.

“Will you stop wiggling! I’m trying to save your ass!” he growled, dodging the following onslaught that came from the Marines as they noticed the two of you retreating.

“You could’ve given me a warning! Now put me down!” You continued to squirm violently, tempted to use your scythe to make him listen.

“You’re light,” he snapped, glancing back at you. “Now shut up. We don’t have time for arguments. There’s no way I’m getting slingshotted-”

“Zoro~!”

Ah shit.

Luffy’s rubber arm rocketed out, crossing the distance and wrapping around the both of you. Zoro cursed. Your expression turned murderous.

“Luffy I swear to-!” You tried yelling just before Zoro was yanked off his feet and both of you were flying through the air - a blur of limbs, weapons and swear words.

You crashed onto the deck of the Sunny - Zoro landing first with a grunt, instinctively shielding you from the impact. For a second you were cradled in his arms, breath knocked out of you, face way too close to his.

“You good?” he asked, voice low, breath warm against your cheek.

You were blushing before you could stop yourself.

Luffy’s loud laughter then snapped you out of your trance, pulling your attention away from Zoro. You scrambled to your feet, aiming your scythe at the rubber man. “I will end you, you stretchy idiot.”

Zoro stood beside you, cracking his neck and matching your glare. “Not if I end him first.”

“Sorry Zoro, sorry Y/N!” Luffy said with zero remorse, skipping off toward the galley.

You and Zoro exchanged a look - exasperated, exhausted, but also not at all surprised by your captain’s nonchalance. You then sighed, dragging a hand over your face. “Remind me again why I joined this crew?”

“Definitely not because it came with free air travel.”

You snorted despite yourself, rolling your shoulders to ease the ache of the landing.

“You sure you’re okay?” Zoro glanced at you from the corner of his eye as he brushed off the dust on his sleeve. You looked at him, catching the way his eyes now scanned you like he wasn’t entirely convinced you were alright.

“I’m fine, Zoro,” you said, softer than before. “Thanks to you.”

He grunted, looking away quickly, “Tch. Don’t get used it.”

You watched the way he lingered by your side a moment longer before heading below deck, and couldn’t help but smile to yourself. Because even if Zoro couldn’t follow directions to save his life, he always found a way to you.

Sanji

Instantly smitten the minute he saw you. You were probably holding your scythe like a warning sign. Didn’t work, he’s just fallen harder.

You would expect someone of your height to struggle with wielding a scythe, but you don’t - and in his eyes, the battlefield becomes your stage, where you move with the grace of a dancer.

Cue nosebleed every time you make a clean, graceful strike.

*Hearts in his eyes* “My angel of death!”

Beats up Luffy and Usopp if they make short jokes about you. Only thing worse than imitating Sanji, is imitating you.

Will lug that weapon around for you even if you don’t ask him to. “It’s a gentleman’s duty. I shall hold the murder stick, my love.”

Tries to sneak nutrients into your meals. “There’s still time for you to grow…” You glare. He melts.

xxxx

Nami had made it clear - no run-ins with the Marines. Stay low, get the supplies, and get out.

Simple. Something you had done a hundred times before.

But all that went to hell when you passed a group of Marines loitering near a wall plastered with wanted posters. One of those wanted posters being yours.

“That’s Y/N L/N bounty? Must be a mistake.”

“She’s so short, can she even lift that thing?”

“I bet I could take her. Knock her out while that scythe weighs her down.”

A chorus of laughter followed.

Sanji stiffened beside you, immediately noticing you had stopped in your tracks to listen. He reached out to hold you back, but you were faster.

You spun with the grace of a dancer - one smooth arc, metal gleaming, and then a splash of red. The Marine was on the ground, your scythe pressed just against his ear where the blade had nicked him.

“Still think you can take me?” you murmured, voice cold and steady.

He whimpered under your blade. The remaining Marines were quick to react, drawing out their weapons. You were still focused on the first when one lunged from the side, blade catching your cheek.

Sanji reacted before things could get worse. He grabbed your arm, landed a square kick to the Marine’s chest, and then pulled you into a sprint. Both of you ran back to the Sunny - and from there it was a quick escape accompanied by Nami’s furious yelling.

Later, tucked away in the medbay, Sanji knelt before you, gently brushing your hair back to dab at the small cut on your cheek with some antiseptic. You winced at the sting of the alcohol pressed against your open wound, and Sanji’s brows furrowed.

“You should have let me handle that guy,” he muttered, lower lip jutting out in a pout, irritation edged with concern.

“They needed to see what I can do with a scythe,” you replied casually, watching him as he continued to clean your wound. “Besides, I’m fine.”

“I know you are,” he said, pausing to meet your gaze. “Doesn’t mean I like seeing you get hurt.”

You tilted your head, a small smile forming. These were the moments that made you realise just how much he cared.

“It’s just a cut.”

He huffed, clearly very annoyed. “Still. If anyone hurts my beautiful lady like that again, I’ll crush their faces into the pavement myself.”

You chuckled. “Protective huh?”

He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. “When it comes to you? Always.”

Law

Not one to quickly judge, but the sight of you with a scythe caught him off guard. Didn’t except you to wield a weapon that’s almost twice your size. Nevertheless, he is impressed.

Your sparring practice = Law’s secret favourite pastime. He’s standing in the corner, arms crossed, lips twitching.

He knows you’re strong, knows you can handle yourself - but he still worries. If he can’t see you on the battlefield, he’s looking for your scythe. And if that’s nowhere in sight? Then it’s full-on rampage mode. You were actually just behind him. But on the bright side, ten enemies were KO’d in an instant.

Makes you sit in his lap under the pretext of you being “too short” for the table (that’s a lie, the table is the perfect height). But everyone’s too scared to comment on the image of Trafalgar Law and the tiny scythe-wielding menace.

The height difference lowkey kills him. Cause how is someone who’s so short and carries a weapon that’s definitely too big for them, just as intimidating as him??

Internally combusting every time you wield your scythe. But no one can know, cause he’s the Surgeon of Death. A tiny Grim Reaper cannot be having this effect on him.

xxxx

You stormed into Law’s quarters, boots thudding heavily against the floor with purpose. The door slammed shut behind you, hard enough to rattle a nearby stack of books. But Law didn’t flinch. He barely looked up from where he sat scanning some maps he found at the Marine base you had just raided.

“You almost got us both killed!” you snapped, voice low but furious.

Without lifting his eyes, he replied flatly, “We’re not dead though.”

You scowled, tossing your scythe against the wall with a loud clatter. The dried blood on its blade was a reminder of just how close things had gotten. Marching forward, you slammed your fists against his desk, demanding his attention. “That’s not the damn point.”

This time, Law looked up - gaze sharp but unreadable as always. “I’m the captain. I made the final call.”

“Disrupting my fight was your ‘final call’!?” you shot back. “If I hadn’t noticed you in time, that scythe would have had your blood instead!”

He stood slowly, pushing the maps aside, then stepping towards you calmly. He was always composed. Even when you were cracking. “I make better decisions when I can see you.”

You crossed your arms, “Some would argue the opposite.”

He stood in front of you now, eyes narrowing as he caught sight of something. One hand rose, his thumb brushing under your eye.

You flinched.

“How did this happen?”

You blinked. You hadn’t even felt it. Hadn’t even known that it was there. But Law had seen it. Even amidst all the chaos of a battle - he had.

Without another word, he guided you to sit on the bed behind him. You didn’t resist, the fire in you having dissipated, replaced by something quieter. Law crouched in front of you, grabbing the first aid kit from his bedside.

He didn’t speak while he cleaned the wound, careful and methodical as always - dabbing antiseptic, then gently placing a small bandage under your eye. You’d torn through a squad of Marines today, and yet he touched you like you were something that might break.

When he was done, he didn’t step away. Instead, he leaned in and pressed a featherlight kiss to the spot just beneath the fresh bandage. He lingered there - silent and unmoving. Not asking for forgiveness, just holding you for a long quiet moment.

You closed your eyes, breathing out a sigh as you let your chin rest on the top of his head. “I’m not mad, that you made a call,” you whispered. “It just…sometimes it feels like you don’t think I’m capable enough.”

He pulled back slightly, gaze locking with yours. “I know you’re capable,” he said. “You’re precise, lethal, and brilliant. Everyone out there fears you.” A beat. “But that doesn’t stop me from worrying.”

You studied him for a moment, then allowed a tired smile to form. “You overthink too much.”

He smirked. “And you don’t think enough.”

The maps lay forgotten now. He nudged you back gently onto the bed, then lay beside you - finally calm. Peace, for Law, was simply being next to you.

Sabo

Pats you on the head after you do something. Doesn’t matter whether you like it or not - it’s happening.

He’s always complimenting you on your scythe technique. Just genuine admiration for you.

Thinks you look adorable when you’re sharpening your scythe in a corner. Everyone else is terrified - as they should be.

You try being all tough even around him, but he sees right through it. You’re his “tiny terror”.

Busting out a laugh every time you’re threatening someone - which totally ruins your vibe. You’re threatening him next. He’s still laughing.

Would also be one to worry if he loses sight of you during a fight. Nobody wants to get in his way then.

xxxx

The sunlight filtered through the canopy of trees, casting light over the Revolutionary Army’s camp. A few new recruits were scattered around the area - some fumbling through basic drills, others lounging about. You sat calmly on a tree stump, your scythe resting in your lap as you sharpened its blade. You could feel the stares - half curious, half fear - but your face gave nothing away.

“That’s the one they call the Grim Reaper, right?”

“Her? That thing’s taller than she is!”

You paused mid-stroke.

Your eyes flicked up, locking onto the group of wide-eyed recruits. They froze the moment your gaze landed on them.

“Wanna see what I can do with this thing that’s taller than me?” you asked, voice cold and clipped, driving the scythe’s blade into the ground.

Silence.

Then - laughter.

Your eyes narrowed in the direction of the sound, death glare sharpening as it found its mark.

Leant casually against a nearby tree, was Sabo, clearly entertained. When his eyes met yours he offered a lazy, amused smile - equal parts teasing and utterly enamoured.

He pushed off the trunk and sauntered over to you.

“Trying to scare the recruits again, my tiny terror?”

You rolled your eyes, refusing to look up as you continued sharpening your weapon. “What do you want, Sabo?”

He grinned. “Just dropped by to say - you look adorable right now.”

You froze, and slowly turned to stare at him, disbelief clearly written on your face. “Adorable? I’m sharpening a deadly scythe! I should be terrifying!” You gave an annoyed huff and went back to your task.

He crouched down beside you, an almost fond smile on his face before it turned into a cheeky grin. His tone then shifted to one of exaggerated affection.

“You’re so terrifying~” Sabo cooed, ruffling your hair. You shot him a glare, somewhere between exasperated and flustered. He then leaned in, grin widening when he caught a hint of colour creep up your cheeks. “But also, really, really cute.”

You scowled and swatted the top of his head with the base of your scythe, earning a dramatic “ow!” from him even though you barely tapped him.

“Did she just whack the Chief of Staff over the head!?” One of the recruits yelped in horror.

Sabo rubbed the back of his head like it actually hurt, still grinning like a fool. “Think they find you scary now?”

“Keep teasing me and I won’t use the blunt end next time.”

He leaned in even closer, lips almost brushing yours. Sabo stared at you for a while, a soft smile on his face, and you couldn’t help but blush again. “Would be totally worth it.”

You shoved him lightly, and he laughed as he stood and offered you a hand. “Come on, tiny terror. I made lunch. You’re going to need all the energy you can get if you’re going to keep terrifying the newbies.”

You muttered something under your breath but took his hand anyway. And as he led you off - still chuckling at your annoyed grumbling - the recruits watched in stunned silence.

Ace

“Hot damn.” That was his first reaction after you casually decapitated someone trying to sneak up on him. He’s now down bad.

You’re his “travel size Grim Reaper.” Short, lethal, and just for him. You hate it. He says it more.

“You’re dangerous.” he says eyeing your weapon and then you. “You like that, don’t you?” You say with a grin. “I’m crazy about it.”

Came up with a combo move where he coats your scythe with his flames. Insists on calling it the “Fire Reaper Flash”.

Comes to your defence when you’re in an argument with someone, but it doesn’t really do much, you’re far more intimidating than him.

Gets this mischievous glint in his eyes when someone underestimates you, “Want to see something cool?” Cue destruction. Uses the Fire Reaper Flash for extra effect.

xxxx

The battle field was chaos - flames, smoke, pirates shouting and scrambling for their lives. And in the middle of it all, there was you. Short, scythe-wielding and completely unbothered, as you moved through the ruckus as if you were taking a stroll through the park.

Through the smoke, Ace emerged, after knocking out an enemy with a flaming punch to the gut. He spotted you and grinned wide.

“Damn,” he muttered to himself, watching with a smirk as you swiftly dealt with a pirate that got in your way. “That’s my travel size Grim Reaper.”

You stopped in front of him, rolling your eyes. “I told you not to call me that in front of people.”

He chuckled, scanning the area around him. “They’re all unconscious, sweetheart.”

“Not that guy.” You pointed your scythe at one final pirate who was left standing - bloodied, furious, and charging at you with all the power he could muster. Someone was clearly mad about losing.

Ace spared him a glance, then looked back at you, completely unphased. He wiped the soot off your cheek, then tilted your chin up like he had all the time in the world.

“Ready for our ultimate couple move?” Ace cackled, eyes sparkling as if he had been waiting all day for this exact moment. Maybe that was why he ‘accidentally’ got caught while trying to raid a rival pirate crew’s base.

You groaned. “Do we have to?”

But he was already charging up, the heat around his body intensifying. Flames curled around his arm, and with a grin full of mischief and pride, he shot it towards your scythe, close enough to singe you, but obviously not.

You watched as his flames wrapped around the curved blade - beautiful but dangerous. It hummed in your hands like it was alive, the metal glowing a brilliant orange. But it didn’t burn you, Ace made sure of that.

The pirate was now fast approaching, shouting all sorts of profanities and how “tiny creatures” didn’t scare him. You didn’t even flinch.

Then you moved. One quick dash, your flaming scythe cutting through the smoke. The moment the blade made contact with its target, fire exploded, the force sending the pirate crashing into the dirt, flames licking at his coat before fizzling out.

Ace let out a low whistle, watching as the fire died down. “See!? I told you Fire Reaper Flash was a sick move!”

“You nearly set me on fire,” you muttered, flicking ashes off your sleeves and scythe.

He strolled over with a grin, clearly proud of himself. “You would’ve been hot - both figuratively and literally then.”

“Shut up.” You tried to scowl, but the corner of your mouth betrayed you with a smile.

Ace laughed, slipping his arms around your waist in one smooth motion. His hands were warm against your back as he pulled you close, forehead bumping gently against yours for just a second before he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your cheek - warm, soft, and just a spark of heat.

“We should come up with another move,” he murmured. “Something that screams us…Hot and Deadly, how does that sound?”

You groaned again. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Only for you,” he said with a wink, fingers intertwining with yours.

Then still laughing, he tugged you along and headed back to the Moby Dick - leaving behind fire, chaos, and one very unlucky pirate crew.

Kinda have a thing for Ace now, I mean who wouldn’t?? 👀

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fairyysoup · 27 days ago

Text

hotel room service

(repost)

pairing(s): adrian chase x fem!reader

summary: An off night, a hotel room, a bottle of peach Jim Beam, and Vigilante. What could go wrong?

words: 9.8k

cw: explicit, smut, piv sex, oral sex (f receiving), some dubcon elements, shower sex, praise kink, sub!adrian, technically switch!adrian but (gestures vaguely), alcohol consumption, drunk sex, blood kink, mentions of contraception, cowgirl position, choking, gagging, friends to lovers, character study disguised as smut, james gunn said the visor is prescription and i took that as canon, reader uses prescription lenses, yes i did name this after the pitbull song

a/n: we are so fucking back

ALL MY WORKS ARE 18+ MINORS DNI

“Working hours” with this black ops group are loosely defined at best, and entirely nonexistent at worst. And don’t even get started on pay, because you think at this point that you’re only getting comped whatever the pay is for your cost of living, and that’s only really when you’re on the clock. They’ll pay for the hotel room and sometimes the food, but besides that, you’re on your own.

But, back to those working hours. You don’t know when they stopped, but maybe it was around the time your roomie decided to crack open a bottle of whisky and pour out half of it for you into one of the plastic solo cups they provide with the coffee pot. God knows you’re not working anymore, you’re just sort of sitting idle while he rambles about the room, gesticulating with the bottle. Like he does.

(Plus, you don’t think he’s even being paid for this? Adrian is just here for the fun and because he’s available, and the rest of the team just let him tag along because he’s useful. The thought makes you smirk a little bit.)

You admire his profile as he talks, one finger pressed to your smiling lips as your eyes trail him back and forth, thinking he might eventually hypnotize you. He’s so… expressive. And he has dimples and curly hair, which you’ve always been a sucker for. He hasn’t even taken off his suit; blue on silver on black, with a red visor on the mask discarded on the table. You had watched him remove it, and carefully tried to hide the fact that you were staring as he pulled his wire-rimmed glasses out of a hidden pocket.

You’re very pointedly staring now, sizing him up like your next fucking meal (alcohol does that to you), and Adrian keeps on blathering in one long spiel, pacing in circles like hasn’t even noticed your hungry gaze (alcohol does that to him).

“Is that prescription?” you ask, cutting him off in the middle of his sentence, which you’d barely been paying attention to. Something something Twilight, something something cultural reset.

Adrian stops pacing, looking at you with a deer-in-headlights expression. “Huh?”

You nod at the mask laying on the table by the door. “The visor. Is it prescription?”

He swivels to look at the mask, and then back to you with an almost bashful laugh. “Uh… yeah?”

“That’s sick.”

“Really?” Dimples. You take another sip of your whisky to calm yourself, and it burns at the back of your throat. Objectively, you should not be feeling this way about your pseudo-coworker, who also happens to be somewhat of a lunatic. But, y’know, he’s… sweet. To you. Which is the odd thing, but you’ve gone beyond worrying about the details at this point. You’re hunting alien butterfly creatures that live in people’s brains, you can get past a couple character flaws.

“I mean, yeah.” You lick your lips, which have taken on the flavor of the peach liqueur in the whisky. “I wear prescription lenses, too, but they’re a bitch to keep clean on the job. If I could afford prescription hardware, I would. Good on you.”

“Yeah, I mean… yeah, it is fucking cool, thank you!” He grins, his eyes crinkling at the corners and making you clench your jaw with how badly you want to reach out and kiss him long and hard at that exact moment. “I was starting to think no one else would notice how genius it is. Y’know, I don’t even think Peacemaker’s noticed, which is totally not very best friend-like of him, but it’s fine, I’m sure he’ll come around eventually, the guy constantly has a lot of shit on his plate. Like I remember one time, me and him got stuck in a Winnebago that was rolling downhill toward a cliff like something out of Looney Tunes because some idiot crack dealer locked us in there with his load, and-”

He’s pacing again, and the amber colored liquid in the square bottle he grips by the neck sloshes against the glass as he continues waving it around emphatically. And you’ve zoned out again, because now you’re thinking about his hands, and how nice they’d feel on your body. You’ve seen him beat the shit out of people, you know he’s packing some major force in those fists, but you haven’t felt them on your own skin, or had the experience of having them wrapped around your throat for yourself.

“-then, y’know, Eagly’s a fucking badass, I don’t know if you’ve seen him in action, but the little dude can take a guy out in like one peck. Like do not get caught on the wrong end of those talons is all I’m saying. Anyways, he swooped in and yanked the fucking wheel, so the Winnebago flipped. I mean, can you imagine! A bald eagle rolling a camper. That shit’s gotta be, like, legendary-”

And his quads as he walks, Jesus Christ. You’ve never been super partial to burly, buff guys (sorry Chris), but there’s something to be said for muscle in the right places. Adrian’s legs are nice, you can tell just by the way the fabric of his pants stretches around them when he turns, and fuck his ass is so tight. You nearly salivate just staring at it, thinking about how much you’d love to dig your heels into it, or squeeze it to urge him on as he fucks you.

Your eyes snap down to your solo cup of whisky, and you frown. When did you drink half of it?

“-but like I’m sure you know Eagly pretty well because he loves you, I can tell. He kind of scooches closer every time you sit near him, it’s really cute actually, I mean, I would scooch closer whenever you sat near me too except I feel like you’d punch me in the dick, good thing my suit’s got a reinforced crotch-”

“Wait, what?” You blink up at him, your brain sort of fizzling out and then rebooting as you stare at him. What did he say?

Adrian doesn’t miss a beat. “Yeah, the guy who made it was like, ‘That makes no sense, you’re gonna have the worst time trying to take a piss in this,’ and I said, ‘No, dude, have you ever been karate kicked in the nuts before? Shit hurts.’ I still had to pay extra-”

“No, no, what was that shit about scooching closer? To me?” You squint at him. “Babe, are you trying to tell me something?”

He blushes. You know he’s joked about not feeling emotions like other people do, but you wonder how true that really is, because he goes beet fucking red like he’s having trouble breathing as he stares down at his shoes. “I, uh- well, I mean, yeah, I’d scooch closer to you. Theoretically. If- if you wanted me to. And if you weren’t going to punch me in the dick.”

“Why would I punch you in the dick?”

“I don’t know, it’s like… it’s an understandable reaction to someone getting in someone else’s personal space!”

“No, it really isn’t…”

“Well, how was I supposed to know you wouldn’t punch me in the dick?”

You throw up your hand in an exasperated gesture. “When have you ever seen me punch someone in the dick?”

He screws up his face. “UM, I don’t know, you punched Peacemaker in the dick!”

“What? When?”

“When he tried lifting you onto the truck that one time!”

“That was a misunderstanding, I kneed him because he didn’t give me a heads up!”

“But you did it!”

“Well, the last thing I would want to do to your dick is punch it, all right?”

You both stop and stare at each other for a long moment. You think you might have stopped breathing, too. Yeah, you are definitely tipsy at this point, but you raise a slightly shaking hand to take a casual sip of your drink, as if you aren’t staring at him with bulging eyes like you’re possessed.

He opens his mouth and closes it a few times before he comes out with a response. “Okay.”

You blink. “Okay?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, okay. I mean, what other stuff would you do to my dick?”

“Uh… stuff.” You jerkily stand, nearly sloshing your drink as you try to get your bearings. You set the cup down on the bedside table and turn to look at him with the most awkward, pin-straight posture you could possibly muster, like a high schooler trying to pretend they aren’t drunk in front of their parents. “I’m going to take a shower now. Yeah. I am. I’m going to do that.”

“Oh. Okay.” Adrian looks down at the bottle in his hand, and then shuffles a bit to the side so that you can pass him.

“I mean, unless you wanted to shower first?” You pause at the end of your respective bed, and turn to see him turning down the covers on his own by the window. “What are you doing?”

“I’m getting in bed,” he says flatly, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. He reaches up and undoes a latch on his armor that frees the chestplate, and lifts it over his head in one swift move, leaving him in his tight fitting black undershirt.

You stare at him, scatterbrained until you manage to scowl at him, and the two knives he wears crossed against his lower back. “You’re going to sleep with all your weapons?”

“Yeah.”

“With all the dirt and sweat and fucking blood from fighting?”

“Yeah.”

“You can’t just… you can’t just get in bed with your outside clothes on, dude!” you splutter, leaning your thigh against the end of the mattress before you, and slow your speech carefully as you declare, “It’s… unsanitary.”

“Oh, and who are you, the sleep police?” Adrian turns to sneer at you. “I thought you were going to take a shower.”

“Well I was, but that was before I knew you weren’t planning on it!” You throw your hand out at him. “Why?”

“Because! If I go to sleep with wet hair it dries all weird, okay? Get off my dick!”

“I’m sure you’ll look just as pretty regardless, Adrian,” you tut condescendingly at him, rolling your eyes as you turn on your heels toward the bathroom. “Do what you want, or fucking join me if you change your mind, I don’t care.”

You don’t register the full weight of your words until you turn on the tap. But, by that time, you also don’t get to see the way Adrian stares at the door to the bathroom like you’ve just presented him with the key to the city.

You very rarely opt for lukewarm showers, but you certainly do now. With the way your blood is humming through your veins like electricity, and you feel hot just from the sight of Adrian’s muscles in that tight fucking shirt, you feel a cold shower is in order. Well, colder, anyways.

The water pressure is complete bullshit, of course. It pathetically trickles out, and it takes longer than usual for your body to get completely soaked. In that time, you lean against the tile and hold your head in your hands as the water drips down your face. How the fuck are you supposed to sleep in the same room as this guy? Between the way you’re just aching to jump his bones, and his inability to stop talking, you don’t think it’s a possibility tonight.

You wonder what he would sound like when you ride him. You wonder if he would finally shut up, or if he would switch to talking to you like a lover instead of a drinking buddy. You wonder if he would beg, or if he’s more dominant than that.

You’re imagining his head between your thighs. You’re imagining what he’d look like with your hands tangled in his hair. You’re imagining the feeling of his mouth on your skin, the calloused planes of his palms on your breasts and beneath your thighs. You’re… you’re shaking.

The white shower curtain rips open, and Adrian steps in beside you, naked as the day he was born. “Hey, can you pass the soap?”

“What the fuck?” You turn your head to look at him with a bewildered expression, simply refusing to tear your eyes away from his face because you do not want to cross that line and have the image of his dick imprinted in your brain while you try to get to sleep tonight. “Adrian, what are you doing?”

“Well, you said to join you if I changed my mind.” He shrugs, his smile the absolute picture of innocence, but his eyes still rake slowly down your body before finding your face again.

You blink, searching for a proper response to that. His eyes are green. Jesus Christ, that’s three for three: dimples, curly hair, and green eyes. He’s trying to kill you.

“I was being sar-” you cut yourself off with a sigh, “yeah, you know what, I did say that. Shit. Fucking… okay. Whatever. Here.” You fumble with the tiny complimentary body wash tube and thrust it toward him. “Go apeshit.”

“You have a really great ass by the way.”

“Adrian.”

“What? You do. I’m just being honest. I’m not even saying that because this is the first time I’ve seen you naked, I always thought your ass was nice, there just wasn’t a good time to say it.”

Your face is burning. You turn your back on him and try your hardest not to clap your hands over your eyes or do something equally embarrassing. You don’t think Adrian is even fazed by any of this; he wasn’t wearing his glasses, either, and you don’t know how strong his prescription is. You imagine pretty strong, if he needs it in his visor. Maybe there’s a good chance he can’t see the exact details of your tits. Maybe-

He touches your shoulder, and you feel lather running down your back as he starts massaging circles into your skin.

“Are you washing me?” you wheeze, your voice coming out an octave higher, and you really do cover your face again this time. Your heartbeat pounds in your ears, and you can’t focus on anything other than the touch of his hand on your shoulder blade.

“Uh, yeah? I wash your back, you wash mine, right?” He sounds cheery and completely content with everything that’s happening and, despite the sheer oddness of all of it, you don’t really want him to stop. You guess that’s why you haven’t told him to get the hell out, yet.

Maybe you’re just as much of a lunatic as him. “‘Scratch,’ Adrian. It’s fucking ‘scratch.’”

He pauses. “What?”

“It’s ‘I scratch your back, you scratch mine.’”

“That makes no fucking sense.” He shakes his head in your periphery, his hand resuming its circular motion against your back, moving across to your other shoulder. You feel the soft, wet glide like a molten lava trail.

“Of course it makes sense! Why would it be ‘wash?’”

“Why wouldn’t it be ‘wash?’”

“Because it’s about doing your friends favors,” you argue in a wobbly, strained voice as you shiver while his fingers slide down your spine. It raises goosebumps on your skin, despite the heat in your veins and the cool of the water. “Friends don’t wash each other’s backs, genius.”

“So, we’re not friends?”

His hand pauses again just at the curve of your lower back, where it extends down into your tailbone. You bite your lip, and you can feel his eyes on you, the touch of his gaze almost as real as his hand is. Your thighs clench together involuntarily. You simpering little… weak, desperate thing, you are not going to beg for him to touch you. That’s not it. That’s not how this should go.

But, you could turn around and touch him, too. You could probably kiss him, if you were feeling really adventurous. He just basically implied that he wouldn’t be opposed to fucking you, right? That was where the conversation had been going earlier, if you hadn’t been such a pussy. Neither of you is nearly as subtle as you think you are.

You manage to chew your lip enough to tear a gash in it, and salty, coppery blood hits your tongue. You’re losing it, standing on the precipice of something way bigger than the two of you. You’re just an inch away from becoming more than just friends with Adrian, if you don’t reel it in quickly. Your hand comes up to slam against the wall when his fingers, which seem to be discontented to remain idle, start tracing little shapes on your lower back. A star. A diamond. A heart.

“N… No, I- I mean, we are. But I don’t think we’re going to be, if you keep it up.”

He grunts carelessly. “I’m having a hard time not keeping it up, really.”

“What do you mean?” You turn around, and his hand glides across your lower back and to your hip, because he refuses to stop touching you now (not that you want him to stop, either, if you’re being honest with yourself). Your eyes flick down, and you know exactly what he means, because he’s hard as a rock.

And also thick, and long, and veiny, but hey. What did you expect?

Your eyes linger on his erection for a long time, and drag your gaze slowly from the burst of dark hair at the base of his cock, up the line of his torso and to his chest. His pale skin is riddled with little scars here and there, from small injuries that weren’t serious enough to slow him down. He has a faint spray of freckles on his shoulders, suggesting that he spends at least some time in the sun. It makes you inordinately flustered to think of him doing some sort of outdoor activities to get that toned body of his.

You clear your throat as you find his gaze again. “Next dumb question,” you say, and he gives you a wide-eyed, vaguely awestruck look that makes you way more confident than it ought to. “Are you gonna fuck me, Adrian?”

His eyelashes flutter. His cheeks are painted with that sweet pink blush again, like he’s been entirely oblivious to the fact that he’s had you melting for him since he cracked open the bottle of Jim Beam. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I think it’s a fucking fantastic idea, do you?”

“Yeah, I do.” And he grabs you by the face to kiss you, and crowds you back against the wall. You give a surprised yelp into his open mouth, your arms coming up to wrap around his neck as your back hits the cold tile. He grunts and brushes his soap covered fingers across your cheeks. “Did you bite your lip?”

“Yeah.”

“...Was that because of me?”

You whimper weakly as he slowly, and very purposefully, traces the length of your bottom lip with his tongue like he’s savoring the taste of your blood. “Yeah.”

“That’s so fucking hot.”

He yanks you up off of your feet, making you squeak and hold in a nervous laugh. Your leg bumps the faucet handle, and the water turns ice cold just as Adrian scrambles to hook your legs around his waist.

“Shit.” Adrian hisses and smacks the wall beside your hip once or twice before he finds the faucet, because he doesn’t stop kissing you. He’s sloppy and rushed and overexcited, but at least he gets the water running warm against as he presses you up against the wall. “I’ve never done this here, have you?”

“Shower sex? No.” You bite his lip as he hitches you up by the back of your thighs, and he groans as his hips jerk up toward yours. “But I think you’re doing a good job.”

“Wait, fuck. Do we need, like, a condom…?” He blinks at you with a glassy look in his eyes.

“IUD. I have- it’s all good, you’re fine.” You knock your head back against the wall with a whimper high in your throat as he brushes his cock against your entrance. You can feel the world spinning as you tangle your fingers in his wet hair, giving it a small but sharp tug. “Now, if you don’t fuck me I’m gonna-”

You choke when he drives the full length of his cock into you, pushing your hips back against the wall. Your nails scratch down his neck and across his shoulder blades as he splits you open, your legs tightening around his waist while simultaneously trying to spread wider to accommodate him. Adrian spits a curse into your neck, his teeth grazing a vein there as he ruts up into you, filling you so completely that a cry dies in your throat.

“God, fuck, Adrian,” you sob toward the ceiling, only too aware of him moaning loudly against your skin. He feels better than you had imagined, stretching you out so perfectly that your toes curl as you try your hardest to draw him forward with your legs alone.

“I knew you’d be perfect,” you catch him whispering into the crook of your neck, just barely audible over the trickle of water over your head.

He doesn’t even give you time to adjust before he starts pistoning his hips into yours, jolting you up the wall. Your skin squeaks against the wet tile, and his grunts echo in the curve of your neck. Tears might actually be streaming down your face, but you wouldn’t be able to tell them apart from the warm water coming from the showerhead.

Adrian’s hand comes up to brace against the wall beside your head, and he surprises you. “You really think I’m pretty?” He asks with such a genuine note of hope in his voice that you think he must be serious.

“I think you’re fucking gorgeous,” you breathe, whining when he nips at your jaw with his teeth. You interrupt your train of thought with a series of hoarse cries, because Adrian picks up the pace with less precision, and more just forceful thrusts that drive all the way to the end of you and make you see stars, regardless.

“You’re the most perfect person in the world and I wish I could paint because the only thing I’d be painting is just you over and over and over-”

He’s blathering into your shoulder, his mouth brushing your skin as it moves and his hips slamming yours back against the wall hard enough that you’re definitely going to be feeling it in the morning. Every bit of desire you have for him surges up inside you like an inferno catching on, like every stroke he makes is stoking that fire within you.

“-so pretty everyone wants you I can’t believe you would let me touch you or even kiss you but you’re letting me do this to you and it’s all I’ve wanted to do since I first saw you-”

It occurs to you to tell him that you’d let him do anything he wants to you at this point, as long as he just doesn’t stop fucking you- but that’s yet another line you refuse to cross for the sake of self preservation. You’re already drunk, and confessing the true scope of your feelings to him in this state would just be a recipe for disaster.

Oh god, but he’s like a reckoning. You shake your head to compose yourself and scratch your nails along his neck before you take his face in your hands and draw him up to you. His pupils were already blown out, but you think they nearly eclipse his irises when his hips falter and he sucks in a sharp breath. His dark hair is thoroughly drenched, and water drips down his face in little rivulets that you trace with your fingers just before you draw him to your lips.

You feel his small moan vibrate on your lips, and that’s enough. Your legs spasm, and your orgasm suddenly snaps within you like a rubber band, every muscle in your core tightening down on his cock as you see a burst of white behind your closed eyelids. It snuck up on you just as much as it did him.

“Holy fuck-” Adrian loudly gasps against your lips with a startled jolt of his hips, his full weight crushing you up against the wall. His nose nuzzles yours, so intimate in a way that you hadn’t expected from him, and with a few shuddering huffs of breath you feel him come with a rush of warmth deep inside you.

You’re floating somewhere above awareness when he slouches forward, his forehead resting against yours and his eyes closed as he takes deep, steadying breaths. It takes you a moment to realize that he’s just holding you, with his fingers digging into your thighs like he’s just trying to ground himself in your body.

You raise a shaking hand to smooth his wet hair back from his face. “Earth to Adrian. You still with me, babe?”

He grumbles something entirely non-coherent directly in front of your face, and blinks his eyes groggily open at you.

“The alcohol’s catching up with you, huh?”

He nods.

“Guess I’m washing your back, anyways. C’mon.” You wiggle out of his grip, and you’re only too thankful that you’re smushed up against the shower wall, or else you may have easily slipped and ate shit on the tile. The alcohol is fucking with your head quite a bit now, too, and your movements are a little jerky and uncoordinated as you try to help him get cleaned up.

He’s uncharacteristically quiet. The rest of the shower takes place in complete silence, actually, with the exception of the little grunt he makes when you urge him to bend down so you can get his hair for him. You catch him looking a little dazed as you turn off the water, and he gives you an unfocused stare when you toss a towel at him. You wonder if you actually succeeded in frying the guy’s brains just by fucking him.

But then, back in the room as you clumsily dig through your bag to pull out a night shirt and a pair of underwear, Adrian shuffles directly to his bed and tosses his towel aside before clambouring into it, bare ass to the wind. He flops down face first, and shoves his feet under the turned down comforter.

“Adrian… what are you doing?” You say for what feels like the millionth time this evening.

“‘M going to bed,” he drawls into the pillow. His entire body shakes as he hiccups, and then turns his head to the side to look up at you with his big green doe-eyes that make your heart do a somersault in your ribcage. “You should tooootally join me. There’s-” hiccup- “lotsa room. We could go again.”

You blink at him as you semi-stagger, semi-walk toward the bed, stooping to pick up pieces of his uniform strewn across the floor as he had, presumably, just ripped everything off as he made his way to the bathroom. “Mm, no, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Uh, you said it was a great idea,” he argues as you toss his clothes into a pile at the end of the bed.

“That was before the whisky kicked in and we were both staggering… fuckin… drunk-” you accidentally whack your foot against the corner of the bed and bite your lip as you fight not to crumble to the floor. “One of us has to be responsible.”

“I’m-” hiccup- “responstable.”

“Uh-huh.” You stop as your eyes land on the mostly empty Jim Beam bottle on the bedside table. You’re almost positive it had been at least quarter full when you left him to go take a shower. “Adrian, did you drink all that?”

He blinks his eyes open and follows your pointing finger to the bottle. “Oh, yeah. Hhhuuuhh… had to… I lost the cap so we can’t keep it.” When you march forward to snatch it off the table, he grunts dismissively. “Gotta… get rid of it.”

“Guess that’s why you’re worse off than me.” You shake your head and drop the entire bottle into the trash bin. “Aren’t you gonna put something on to sleep in?”

“I don’t have anything.”

You snap your head towards his sprawling, naked form. Your eyes linger on his ass for way too long. “You didn’t bring a single thing to wear?”

“Why… why would I bring a change of clothes to kill bad guys?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know! Anonymity!”

He grumbles into the pillow, “I have a mask.”

“Fuck the mask. You can’t sleep in the mask.”

“Sure I can. I fuck in the mask, I can sleep in it. S’a free country.”

You blink, your eyes flicking between Adrian and the mask on the table. “Dude, you fuck in that thing?”

“Hell yeah I do. I could fuck you in the mask. Could do it right now. Go get the mask.” Despite the conviction of his words, he’s slurring them, and his face is still pressed into his pillow as he lies motionless on the bed.

“I… don’t think that’s gonna happen tonight.” You sigh as you toe forward and grab the end of his comforter, drawing it up over his body. “We’re both way too drunk. We probably… probably shouldn’t have…”

Adrian flops over to look up at you as you, essentially, tuck him in. There’s a note of hurt in his voice when he mumbles, “You regret it?”

You pause, staring down at his expression of confusion and betrayal. Do you regret it? You can’t deny that you hadn’t been hesitant to have sex with him for a litany of reasons- one being that you work with him, and another being that he’s a loose cannon on the best of days. Not exactly relationship material, you think.

Or, you thought, but now he’s gazing up at you with these wide, dumbfounded eyes, and you’re tucking the comforter up beneath his chin, and he turns his face down and kisses your knuckle even though he looks mildly hurt. And yes, you liked the sex very much. You liked it so much that you can’t trust yourself not to do it again if you don’t shuffle off to your own bed immediately.

“No,” you tell him firmly, combing your fingers through his wet hair as you draw back. “I don’t regret it, but I think we both need to sleep this off.”

“Okay,” Adrian says quietly, his expression relaxing, but his arms come out from under the comforter and he reaches for you with grabby-hands. “Sleep with me?”

You catch one of his hands and give it a gentle squeeze. “G’night, Adrian.”

You hear him sigh in disappointment when you shut off the bedside lamp. His hands audibly plop down onto the mattress as he rasps, “Night.”

You wake from a dreamless sleep sometime in the early hours of the morning, and your throat is bone dry. Smacking at the nightstand a couple times, your phone manages to illuminate and tell you that the time is only 1:30.

You blink sleep away from your eyes and try to see through the dark as you stumble into the combination vanity, closet, and kitchenette. You knew you brought a water bottle or two, it can’t be that hard to find-

“Hey, what’cha doing?”

You hardly even startle at this point. You’re slowly becoming acclimated to the idea that Adrian is just constantly awake and witness to your every move, which isn’t as disconcerting to you as one might think. “I’m looking for the water. Did you see where I put it?”

“Uhhhhh mini-fridge?”

You reach blindly under the counter and yank the little fridge open, once again smacking around until your hand lands on the shape of a water bottle. “You want some?”

“Yeah, you could spit it into my open mouth-”

“Adrian.”

“What? It would be fucking sexy.” Adrian grunts, and the light clicks on from the main room. Then, he wolf-whistles just before you straighten up from where he’d caught you, bent over in front of the fridge. “Y’know, I was right. You have a really great ass.”

You grumble a half-hearted thanks under your breath as you approach his bedside and thrust a water bottle at him. “I see you’ve sobered up a bit.”

He waves a hand at you dismissively. “Pshh, I wasn’t that drunk.”

“You were drooling all over your pillow.”

“Maybe I always do that.”

“Yeah, okay.” There’s a long pause, wherein you perch on the edge of your mattress and chug an obscene amount of water. Adrian watches your throat work until he, too, succumbs and lifts his bottle to his lips.

An uncomfortably heavy silence settles between you two, only permeated by the quiet sipping of water and the cheap motel AC unit kicking in. It’s entirely unlike him to be silent and still for more than a couple of seconds, but he’s just sitting there looking despondent and running a hand back and forth over the white comforter, periodically lifting his bottle to take another drink. He doesn’t even really look tired, and you wonder if he ever got to sleep in the first place.

You know that the tension in the air is so thick because you have yet to address the giant fucking elephant in the room; and to address it is to have the most awkward and intimate conversation you can possibly imagine with Adrian, of all people. As much as you love his sense of humor, the idea of baring your soul to him is almost enough to have you running into the bathroom again, and locking the damn door this time.

But, in true Adrian fashion (because damn it all to hell if he ever lets something be), he beats you to the punch. “So, are you? Sober now, I mean.”

You chew your lip again, and reopen the gash you’d put there before. “Yeah. I am.”

He nods, pursing his lips as he looks down at his lap. He was right, his hair does dry… well, not weird, but just rather unruly if he goes to bed with it wet. Dark curls stick up at odd angles, a cowlick on the back of his crown standing straight up and begging you to come over and smooth it down. More curls fall across his forehead and nearly touch the top of his glasses. He blinks slowly, and severe shadows from his lashes cross his face in the golden light of the bedside lamp. You snap your gaze away, the hairs on the back of your neck standing on end.

“So… was that a lie? About just needing to sober up?”

Your thumbs twitch on your bottle. To tell the truth, or to lie? You feel like your mouth just stays dry, no matter how much water you drink. “Look, Adrian, I-”

“Also, I have, like, no pride and a ridiculously thick skull, or- or whatever Peacemaker calls it. So, you don’t have to beat around the bush or anything for my sake, you probably won’t even hurt me-”

“Adrian, I like you too fucking much, don’t you get it?”

That fully shuts him up, and he locks his jaw as he fixes you with a startled look. You suck your bottom lip through your teeth, perturbed at the taste of blood still apparent on it, and dig your heels into the carpet.

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you. You’re… one of my closest friends, all right? But I’m afraid that if we keep going like this, I’m not going to want to be friends anymore. And I think I’ll fall in love with you really quickly, and that might be a really bad idea for both of us. You just…” You shake your head, your voice dipping in volume as you stare bashfully down at your feet, “you have no clue how much I want you all the time, baby.”

“Why would it be a bad idea?” he asks you plainly.

“What?” You pick your eyes up off the floor to squint at him, finding him staring at you challengingly, a flush already on his cheeks.

“I mean, honestly. Name a single reason why it would be a bad idea. Bet’cha can’t.” Adrian throws his empty water bottle across the room, and it makes a gentle tap against the side of the television before skittering to the floor. “I think we’d fuck like rabbits and then I’d wake up every morning and make you pancakes, because I’m really fucking good at those, but you’d have to make the eggs because I always burn them. And I think we’d kick ass together as a cool superhero power couple, and I’d carry your gun for you if you got tired, and I could show you where all my hidden knives are. And you could also do anything you wanted to me, like any time, and I’d be totally fine with it and probably also turned on by it, as long as you call me baby like you just did.”

“Are you serious?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m super hard right now. Probably should’ve warned you, I have a thing about that-”

“No, smartass, I mean are you serious about the other stuff?” You tilt your head at him. “I never really took you for the domestic sort.”

“Tsch- yeah! I’m, like, super domestic. I’m like one of those domestic...ated... cats?” He trails off as you step forward and crawl onto his bed, up his legs to straddle his lap.

“Cats?” you repeat with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m… I…” Adrian’s eyes flick across your face, down to your shirt and bare thighs on either side of his, your knees pressing the comforter taut across his lap and (very prominent) erection. “I don’t know, I have trouble thinking when you’re on top of me-”

Nodding, you reach forward and take his glasses by the wire earpieces, and pull them from his face. He goes stock still, his lips parted in awe as you slide them onto your own face, and give him a sweet smile. “I like your glasses. They look good on you.”

“They look good on you.” His voice cracks. “Can you see in them?”

You blink at him, and then turn your head to look across the room. “A lot better than I thought I would. I think our prescriptions are similar.”

“That means you can also wear my mask.”

You look back at him, and find that he has his million-mile stare on, like he’s completely lost in thought. You smirk. “Do you want me to wear the mask?”

He blinks, and it’s like you’ve flipped a switch and turned his focus back on. “Uh… no. I mean, yes. Maybe later. I want to look at you.” His eyelashes flutter so fast you think he might take flight for a second. “You’re so fucking beautiful I could stare at you all day.”

“You can touch me, too. Don’t be shy.”

He practically vibrates with anticipation as his palms glide up your thighs, hot and big and just a bit rough. His eyes are everywhere at once; your lips, your eyes, your chest, your thighs, where your hips disappear under your oversized shirt. His fingers catch the hem, and he curls it between them.

“You should totally get naked, too. It’s super unfair that I’m the only one naked right now,” he says breathlessly, nodding the whole time like he’s trying to convince himself as much as you.

“So, do it.” You shrug, trailing a finger up his chest. “Take it off, baby.”

Adrian fists the hem of your shirt and rips it in half up the middle with a loud tear. You gasp, shivering as the garment falls from your shoulders and leaves you in just your panties. “Adrian!”

His eyes are trained on your tits. “What? It’s not like you need it tonight, anyways, and tomorrow we’ll be home…”

“What if that was my only shirt?” you retort.

He looks up at you. “Was it?”

“Well, no-”

“Then there’s your answer. Now, can I go down on you? Because I’ve wanted to for a really long time and I think it’s super hot that you’re wearing my glasses so it’s like I’m watching myself eat your pussy.”

He has such a hopeful expression on his face that you have to hold in a manic string of laughter as you nod at him. “Yeah, sure. Are you going to tear up my underwear, too?”

“No, I wanna keep those.”

“That makes perfect sense.” You shake your head before you kiss him deeply, and his tongue dips into your mouth as he rolls over with you, briefly getting tangled in the sheets before he roughly kicks them off.

You run your fingers through his hair, snickering as he climbs between your legs and his hands deftly tug your panties down. “Can you keep a secret?”

“Depends on how incriminating it is.”

“I’ve never come from someone eating me out before,” you admit quietly, a blush furiously heating your cheeks until you fear that if you touch your face you might burn yourself.

Adrian fixes you with a deadpan stare, and a slew of emotions cross his face before he lands on something relatively serene and says, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

He nods and grins, like this is the most casual conversation in the world, and his green eyes bore into yours. “Yeah. You should probably, uh… hold on, though.”

You frown in confusion. “To what?”

He rocks back on his knees, picking up your arms by the wrists, and he very simply places your hands on his head, with a little smile that conveys, ‘it’s no big deal,’ but the tenderness with which he does it sends another message, altogether. Your fingers weave between soft, unruly curls, your fingernails digging in just a bit when he lowers himself down between your thighs, and you come to the conclusion that this is just how he is. Tenderness, closeness, hidden behind casual sighs and dismissive shrugs.

You’re learning. Slowly.

His breath finds you before his lips do, where you’re wet and swollen and slippery like you haven’t been touched in your fucking life. But he has once already, and still his mouth feels like a searing hot brand between your legs. In fact, you nearly jump out of your skin at the first brush of his tongue through your folds, your hands tightening on his hair and tugging as you buck your hips up against him.

Adrian grasps your hips and slams them down against the mattress. Sometimes you forget how fucking strong he is. His slight frame really doesn’t give justice to the force behind those lean muscles, because he holds you in an iron grip that you can hardly wiggle out of. It makes you feel small, in a way, that he holds you hostage to his tongue and won’t let you move away from or towards him.

A long, miserable whine rips out of your lips before you can stop it, and you could blush at how pathetic it sounds, except that Adrian mimics it with a groan against your cunt. Your head is flung back against the pillows, but when you just barely tilt up to glance down at him, you find his green eyes trained directly on you. They start off wide as moons, and then narrow like he’s challenging you to look away as he drags the flat expanse of his tongue slowly over your clit, curling the tip just as it skims the mark.

“Oh, fuck you, Adrian, you’re so fucking good,” you grit out through clenched teeth. Your nails dig into his scalp and he shudders, briefly nuzzling his head up into your touch before he dips down to give you his tongue again. Your breath hitches, and your eyes flutter shut when he sucks on your clit long and hard. “So… s-so good… good boy…”

The moan that Adrian makes is overtly pornographic, and his hips snap once against the mattress so hard that the bed shakes beneath you. He breaks away from you to rest his forehead against your thigh, squeezing your hips tightly in his hold as his hot breath billows across your sweat-damp skin.

You loosen your fingers in his hair to stroke it softly, subconsciously struggling to flatten the cowlick at the back that you’d noticed earlier. Adrian’s eyes are squeezed shut, his shoulders heaving while he tries to steady his breath through his nose. “Did you just come?”

The tips of Adrian’s ears glow pink. He gives you a little nod and then a feeble, “Couldn’t help it.”

So, he can’t just take his praise in stride, he has to react to it with fervor. “That’s really sexy of you,” you blurt out, your voice ragged and just this side of adoring.

He returns with a quiet mmm, rumbling across your skin as he drags his open mouth along the sensitive flesh of your thigh, his eyes drowsily shut. It takes him another moment to catch his breath, but once he does, he’s right back at it again. Dipping his head down and absolutely going for it with no signs of letting up, and you have to suck in a deep stream of air and scramble for a hold on him somehow.

“Oh- oh my fuckin-g god-” your voice comes out without thinking, wrung thin and anguished, as your foot plants itself in his shoulder. Adrian simply grunts, paying no mind to the fact that you’re effectively kicking the living shit out of him as he sucks so hard on your clit that you threaten to break his vise-hold on your hips.

He was right that you needed something to hold onto, because you feel like you might leave the ground. He works at you relentlessly, devouring you with his lips and tongue and teeth like he can’t get enough of you, his fingertips pressing so hard into your hips that his nails are turning stark white.

“Fuck, you’re so squirmy,” Adrian groans when he pulls away from you for half a second, and struggles to hold you down when you try to chase his mouth. “Should I tie you down?”

“Do you have anything to tie me down with?” you mutter breathlessly toward the ceiling.

A beat. “Nope. Stay still.”

You fight not to jolt as the next touch of his mouth on you. He dips his tongue into your channel, seemingly trying to draw your arousal out of you that way. You start whining when he finally nuzzles his way back up, giving you soft, teasing licks to your clit that edge you closer and closer to the release of the swell of heat you feel building in your core. Your volume turns up a notch when his tongue starts drawing little circles around the swollen flesh.

And when his lips come down to latch onto it and gently suck, you know you’re just shy of howling. His soft groans vibrate onto your skin as you scratch at his head and pull on his hair, and you eventually find yourself babbling, “Adrian, please, I’m gonna come, please pleasepleaseplease-”

He sucks harder, moaning like it turns him on just to hear you say it. You heave a few rapid breaths, and then come against his face with a cry that crackles and breaks in your throat as your head arches back, baring your neck forward. Your heels digging into his back, hands scratching, hips flailing like you can somehow escape the barrage of hypersensitivity he’s putting you through.

You really fucking hope no one is in the room next to yours.

His fingertips stick to your skin once he releases his grip on you. He’s practically glowing, grinning from ear to ear at you from between your legs, and it’s a better image than you had imagined.

You drop your head back with a breathless chuckle. “Okay, Mr. ‘I Have No Pride.’”

“I made you come,” he chirps happily.

“Yeah, you did. It was really good, too.”

“So, why didn’t anyone else?” Adrian pushes his head toward your touch when you stroke your hand gently through his hair.

“I dunno. They weren’t applying themselves, I guess.”

“That’s stupid. You’re, like, the hottest person ever. Hotter than Doja Cat,” he grumbles petulantly, and you can tell by the look in his eye that he’s dead serious. “Want me to kill them? I should kill them.”

“No.” You trail your fingers down the curve of his face, going for his chin, but he turns his face and sucks your two fingers into his mouth before you can manage it. You stop dead as the pad of his tongue swirls around the digits, and he blinks up at you innocently, despite the lewd connotations of the act. “N-no, I… hhhhh… you’re distracting me.”

He bats his eyes at you, and he slowly pulls back along your fingers until they pop out of his mouth, covered in saliva. “How am I distracting you?”

“You’re- you… you little shit.” You grab him by the chin and draw him up from between your legs. He clumsily crawls up the length of your torso with his cheeks smushed between your fingers as you hiss, “I’m going to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you, I swear to god.”

“You know, that sounds slightly menacing when you say it like that,” he slurs, his jaw working against your hold.

“On your back, Chase.”

He grabs you before you can protest, and rolls back over so that you plop down on top of him, your hand still jammed up against his jaw. A blast of air comes out of your lungs in lieu of laughter, and Adrian snorts, shuffling his hips so that he moves back against the pillows.

“Okay, look, I really really really like you,” he says as you pick yourself up, straddling his lap, “but if you’re too good at this I might accidentally fall in love with you. Just to let you know what you’re getting into here.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yeah, and I think I might actually, um, ask you to move in with me, like, immediately. Like tomorrow. Do you rent or own? Doesn’t matter, I can put your name on the lease. Maybe if you own a house it can be income property-”

You cast your eyes down and find him, remarkably, hard and leaking precum as he continues babbling about living situations. You tilt your head, letting him get his stream of consciousness out there in the open, as your eyes catch on a dark wad of fabric beside his pillow. Your underwear, which he’d gingerly set aside instead of tossing across the room like you thought he would.

“Hm, Adrian?”

He blinks up at you, his eyes wide and dilated. “Yeah?”

You pick up the wadded up underwear. “You wanted to keep these, right?”

He licks his lips. “Um. Yes.”

“Hold them for me, then.” You grab his jaw and stuff them in his mouth, his eyes nearly popping out of his skull as he makes a noise of protest, but then actually moans when, presumably, he tastes you on them. “You’re so fucking cute, I haven’t even tied you up. You just want my taste in your mouth, huh?” He nods. “Yeah. Pretty boy.”

He predictably moans again, his hands grasping at every part of you they can reach; your arms, your breasts, the expanse of his palms gliding down the curve of your waist and settling on your thighs. You grab one, lifting it and settling his palm against your throat.

“Hold this for me, too?” You ask him sweetly, giving his bewildered expression a devilish smirk in return. You rock forward, sliding your dripping pussy along his erection, and his hand tightens on your throat just a bit. “That’s it.”

You pick your hips up, reaching between your legs to position him where you want him, and when you sink down onto his cock, the underwear in his mouth does nothing to muffle the obscene groan that he makes. His hand flexes on your throat, and his eyes close and open a few times as he tries to maintain a certain amount of control. Something tells you that he’s not really used to taking it lying down.

You’re already decently sore from the way he effectively fucked your brains out in the shower. This is just ensuring that you’re going to be feeling it for the rest of the week, but you can’t help yourself. You take him in all the way, making agonized noises the entire time, and then jolt your hips down a little more so you can feel him bottom out.

“Fucking hell, baby, you’re something else,” you snarl down at him, and his eyes go wide again as you squeeze him, every bit of your aching strength bearing down onto his cock until he whines loudly through the fabric and his fingers tighten on the sides of your throat. “Oh, god, I could ruin you. You could ruin me. I want you to, it would be so easy for you, I wouldn’t even be able to walk in the morning.”

And you’re moving, picking up your hips and letting them fall back down in slow, deep strokes that have him writhing, his free hand in a death grip on your thigh. You raise your hand to press against the back of his on your throat, your fingers weaving in between his, and he flexes them back a bit to make room.

Even when he’s gagged, he’s noisy. Keening and grunting at you, his jaw tightening every once in a while and the tendons of his neck jumping out at you when your hips meet his. Dark curls hang down his forehead, damp with sweat, and you can’t help but feel like the shower was useless.

No, not useless. It brought you here.

Adrian bucks his hips up suddenly, meeting you halfway when you take a particularly long time on the downstroke. You gasp, tightening your hand on his, and your nails dig into his chest.

“Oh, you want me to ruin you, don’t you?” You murmur at him, baiting him to do it again. And he does, just like you hoped he would. You pick up the pace in retaliation, letting the lewd sounds of your skin hitting his fill the room. “Silly boy, I knew you would.”

He whimpers, blinking up at you slowly, his face screwing up and tightening in earnest when you rake your nails up and down his chest. He makes a couple pathetic, weak groans in the back of his throat like he wants to convey something to you, but he’s not reaching up to remove your underwear from his mouth.

(You wonder if he even remembers that he can.)

“You gonna come for me?” you ask as his whimpers increase in volume. His cock is so hard, twitching and dragging thick inside you, and his chest jumps with every desperate, ragged breath he takes. “Yeah, you are. Go on, baby, make a mess.”

Adrian gives you a curt shake of his head, and paws at your thigh for a second before his hand slides forward, and his thumb touches your clit.

“Oh fuck, Adrian-” you lurch forward, pressing your throat hard against his palm, your legs seizing up on either side of his hips. He makes you come again with a single fucking touch, and it burns through your core like fire, almost more satisfying than the first because you’re able to feel him inside you this time, something warm and hard and thick to come on.

Apparently, that was all he needed in order to let go. His back arches a bit as he jerks his hips up into yours, and he fills your pulsing cunt until his shallow breaths rattle in his throat, his eyes squeezed so tight that you see a tear collecting in the corner of one. He lays with his head driven back hard into the pillow, whimpering and whining like he’s been mortally wounded.

Too sore to move just yet, you pull his hand away from your throat and kiss his palm. Adrian’s eyes flutter open, and he finds you with a glazed-over stare, like he might either see you or see through you. Still letting out soft whimpers with each harsh exhale.

“Oh. Sweetheart,” you giggle, and reach forward to pull the wad of underwear from his mouth. It comes out with a long string of his spit attached to it, and you give him a cheeky smirk as you break the string with your finger and lick it off, rather than wiping it on your skin.

“You… you’re…” You swear his eyes nearly roll back in his skull before he closes them, trying to collect himself. He takes a deep, long breath, and then splutters, “Willyoumarrymeactually?”

You give him your biggest, goofiest grin, a little bubble of laughter wedging itself deep in your chest. “Get a little more whisky in me, and we’ll see what bright ideas I have then.”

“Okay.”

You lift yourself off of his softening cock, and the release comes with a dribble of his cum sliding down your thigh. He groans, but with one look at him you know that there’s not going to be any more action for the rest of the night.

You shift to the left, and his hand smacks down onto your thigh. “Mmmm no, you sleep with me.”

“Yeah, obviously. But you came all over the sheets earlier, genius.”

“Oh.”

He takes a deep breath in and opens his eyes in time to see you taking his glasses off. You blink a few times, your eyes having adjusted to the slight difference in your prescriptions, and refocus on his face to find him gazing up at you adoringly.

“I’m gonna take a guess and say you don’t sleep in these, too?” You wiggle the glasses at him.

He licks his lips. “No, not… not usually.”

You set the glasses on the bedside table, and then slowly slide off of him, off the bed and onto shaky legs. You take his hand and tug just a bit. “C’mon, pretty. Into my bed.”

He follows your lead without a fuss, making the two step journey to the other bed and plopping down face-first.

“D’you wanna get pancakes when we wake up?” he asks around a yawn as you nudge his ass, prodding him to scoot over.

You nod furiously, even though you know he can’t see you as you switch the light off and climb in beside him, curling up against his warm back. “Pancakes sound fucking delicious.”

“Not as delicious as your pus-”

“Adrian.”

#yesss thank you i will be reuploading all my adrian fics #my boyfriend's back and he's cooler than ever #adrian chase #adrian chase x reader #vigilante #vigilante x reader #peacemaker #peacemaker 2022 #adrian chase fanfic #adrian chase fic #roses*

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coralquill · 2 months ago

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I read your witch mc headcannon and lemme say, I love it. I have anotheR supernatural request if you don't mind. I wanted to request a vampire MC who drinks blood of others except the boy's bc she doesn't want to hurt them and what they're reaction would be to that and maybe how they'd ask her to drink theirs. KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK 👏

ahoy, thank you for requesting! thank you for the kind words and im glad you enjoyed the witch reader hcs! this was also a fun piece to write i love writing requests out of what im used to. hope you enjoy!

pairings: xavier x reader || zayne x reader || rafayel x reader || sylus x reader || caleb x reader

contents: vampire reader, blood mention, biting, comedy, suggestive || wc.1221

— XAVIER

It was well known that Xavier cooks, (ahem, cough,) and he used garlic in most of his dishes to enhance the flavors. So after hours of slaving at the stove, he'd invite you to have a late lunch with him, and you accepted. Though on the table, you'd avoid eating anything garlic, having just the salad, the appetizers, and the fresh juices.

From his observations later on, he discovered you were a vampire—no garlic, avoiding silver and the sun, and a shifted sleep schedule.

Xavier would make adjustments to accommodate you, from banning garlic from his apartment to throwing away all silverware, making you feel more welcome in his world. Though, whenever the two of you shared a meal together, he always wondered, do vampires not need to drink blood to keep them alive and going? Human meals surely didn't fill up your daily energy quota, and he never saw you draw any blood from any source.

On finding out you fed on other people, he'd straddle you, keeping you in place and demanding you to feed on him, and only him.

And you could only accept, as the angry pout he had was working against you and making it hard to refuse.

— ZAYNE

Zayne would notice that something was up with you with how you were acting around certain shiny metal and certain aromatic dishes whenever he went out with you. His theories about you being a vampire were soon confirmed when you came to him late at night with a nasty burn on your hand.

You affirmed that you were indeed a vampire and were in dire need of immediate medical attention, and Zayne would tend to your burn at the best of his medical knowledge—at least, as much as it could apply to vampires.

Zayne wouldn't prefer you drinking blood from strangers as it could hold diseases and illnesses. He'd offer his blood to you, and he'd make sure he always stayed clean of anything, keeping his blood healthy.

Zayne would suggest packing you a fresh pint of his blood whenever you needed to part ways for a while. "Here take this with you." He slipped the bag into your backpack. He added ice cubes from his Evol to keep it cool and fresh for longer. "Drink it when you need to."

The smell of his blood wafted in the air, and it smelled so good. Your pupils dilated, grinning cheekily, "You think I could resist drinking your blood in the first hours of my trip?"

Zayne smiled and leaned in for a kiss, but you leaned in further to kiss the mark you had left on his neck.

— RAFAYEL

The first thing Rafayel would notice was that you didn't have reflections whenever you passed the mirrors of the studio—was it a Wanderer's curse? An Evol's effect perhaps?

He then noticed that whenever he got papercuts or small cuts from using sharp tools, your head would whip around, eyes zeroing in on the cut every single time—okay, you were definitely a blood-sucking creature.

"So you're a vampire." He'd point out casually, hands busy with the tools he crafted with.

You nodded. "I am."

"You never asked me to drink my blood. Kind of rude." He pouted. "How did you survive?"

"I went after random others. Didn't want to hurt you."

Rafayel scoffed, clearly offended that you drank blood from strangers rather than him.

Rafayel would make it his mission to seduce you by wearing wide, open collar shirts and sitting under open windows, allowing the sun to hit his skin in the most enticing angles—and it was working.

He was a temptation like no other.

You pounced and sank your canines into his neck.

Rafayel grinned at first, happy to be the victor in this little game he played, but moments after, his expression faltered at the delicious sting he felt.

"Oh."

You needed to be careful with your intakes as Lemurian blood was addicting, and you wouldn't want your little fishy to dry up!

— SYLUS

Sylus hoards shiny things. Gems, gold, and silver. Most of his kitchenware and utensils were made of silver: the water goblets he drank from, the plates he ate from, and the forks he took bites with. But when you told him you couldn't eat from them because you were a vampire and they'd burn you, he'd taken them out and locked them in a vault away from you to ensure you never crossed paths with what hurts you.

Sylus would keep you company at night, both of you having a common enemy—The Sun. Sylus and you would go on late night escapades and spread mischief in your wakes; brooding atop the tallest skyscrapers at the end of a well-spent night was a must.

Upon learning that you satiate your quench for blood by drinking from others, he wouldn't allow it again.

"But I don't want to hurt you," you said, worry clouding your eyes.

Sylus's eyes softened. "You don't have to worry about that." He reassured you he could self-heal and that whatever skin rips and marks you'd leave on him, he'd patch them up with his Evol.

Sylus would pull you into his lap and offer his neck, silently inviting you to drink as much as you needed.

After you were done drinking, all the blood that dripped would dissipate with swirls of his energy Evol, but the two canine punctures stayed. You had left your mark on him, and he was proudly wearing it.

— CALEB

[Notes: Things Pip-squeak avoids:]

No silver—check.

Caleb would get rid of all silver tools in his house when he saw you avoid touching them.

No garlic—check.

Once Caleb noticed a recurring pattern of you not eating garlic-flavored meals, he substituted all the garlic spices and stopped cooking recipes centered around garlic altogether.

No sunlight—check.

Caleb would cover the windows of his house with films to block the sun but were translucent enough to allow the light to brighten the rooms. He'd hang umbrellas next to all the doors for you to use whenever you left the house.

With days passing, Caleb would notice more unusual things you avoided or did. He noted your shift in sleep schedule. You usually slept through daylight and woke up in the late hours of the night. So naturally, Caleb opened up his notes app to add this tidbit about you.

Shifted sleep schedule—check.

Caleb read through the points he had written over time, and, oh—those weren't just points about quirks specific to you, but rather Caleb's accidental discovery that you were a vampire.

He'd obliquely market his blood to you, indirectly telling you to feed on him. He cooked his own meals, ate healthy, trained regularly, and was active most of the days of the week, and that was enough to keep his body pumping healthy blood.

But if that wasn't enough to get you to drink from his blood, he'd tell you flat out that he wanted you to need him and use him for your bloody needs. The mark you'd leave on him would be on the left side of his neck where his good arm was to ensure there'd be the most blood flow for you, (and he wanted to feel your bite every time.)

likes and reblogs will always be appreciated ♡ let me know what you think!

— set sail for more tales, sailor: ⚲masterlist

— until next tide, thanks for docking by ｡𖦹°‧𓇼

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cheriedivine · 2 months ago

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Youtuber Ellie x Reader Hc’s <3

♡‧₊˚₊✧ pairing: youtuber Ellie Williams x youtuber fem reader (No use of y/n)

♡‧₊˚₊✧ CW: slight cursing

♡‧₊˚₊✧ Tags: just pure fluff tbh

♡‧₊˚₊✧ Author’s note: I’ve been watching so much Izzy&Emma lately and i thought about this fun idea and i love this so much lmk if y’all want a part 2 bc i definitely have more ideas for this ^~^ (maybe also a little one shot?)

୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Ok so Ellie convinced you to start a channel with her for shits and giggles yk but a video of you guys doing a Dress to impress gameplay went viral and it was all over tiktok.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Like the video got 100k views in 48 hours…

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ After that, she was hooked. She begged you to keep making videos together, saying it was “for the fans,” but really… she just liked having an excuse to be on camera with you.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ofc you accepted (how could you not when she was so cute)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ One of your most popular videos is the Couple Drawing Challenge where you switch canvases every 5 minutes. You couldn’t stop laughing, meanwhile Ellie was so serious about it. Like, genuinely stressed every time she had to give up her progress.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ The paintings turned out surprisingly good (thanks to her of course), and she hung them up in your shared apartment like they’re museum pieces.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ While you love vlogging little cozy days, behind-the-scenes moments, aesthetic montages, Ellie’s more into chaotic gameplay and silly challenges.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ When you hit 1k subscribers (even though she was ready to celebrate at 100), Ellie made a cake from scratch. It was… questionable looking, but the effort was there. She even tried to pipe "1K BABY" on top with pink frosting. (You chose the colors)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ I just KNOW she’s the type to be like “babe we’re not doing a Q&A those are cringe” cut to 5 mins later: “so the first question is ‘who fell first’… it was me. obviously.”

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ELLIE WOULD FORCE JOEL TO APPEAR IN A VIDEO AND IT WOULD BE THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ I can imagine him wearing that “I love my lesbian daughter” shirt.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ The comments immediately dubbed him “DILF of the Year.”

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Ellie was disgusted. “Stop hitting on my dad, weirdos.”

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ You made Ellie a swear jar so your videos wouldn’t get demonetized. She tried to cheat by using creative alternatives like “fork” and “ship,” but gave up after a week.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ You’ve collected enough for like, a whole sephora haul

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ She bought you the Sabrina Carpenter skin in fortnite just so you’d play with her.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ You did. And totally destroyed her. She was… not okay afterward. Her ego’s was a bit bruised ngl

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Ellie insists on matching outfits when you film together. Oversized hoodies, themed shirts, stupid little hats, she loves it.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Also, she has her hands on you at all times. Arm around your shoulder, hand on your thigh, holding your pinky. Marking her territory for the creepy dudes in the comments.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ She always deletes hate comments so you wont get sad :( (cutie)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ But what she doesn't know is that you made a secret account so you could fight the incels in your comment section LOL

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ You filmed a “Doing my girlfriend’s makeup” video… Ellie ended up looking like a glam rock star and refused to take it off for hours because “I ate this shit up to be honest.”

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ The comment section was filled with “Is your gf single?, asking for a friend”

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ You deleted them <3

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Ellie made you film a ghost hunting vlog in an abandoned building. She screamed first. You have the footage. You’re never letting her live it down.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ You guys have a series called “Gayming o’clock” where you play dating sims, fortnite, roblox and chaotic co-op games.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Ellie accidentally went viral for being too soft with you on camera — like fixing your mic, brushing your hair away, or whispering “you’re doing so good, babe” mid-filming. The fans LOST IT.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ For your anniversary, she made a cringey but adorable montage of your funniest on-camera moments. It ends with her saying “Here’s to forever. Unless you beat me at Fortnite again, then we’re breaking up.”

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ There’s a running joke on your channel that Joel is the true star. You guys got him a little trophy and filmed him “accepting his award.” He actually smiled (rare footage!!).

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ You guys always EAT UP the fan edits on tiktok, you have a folder full of them.

#ellie williams #ellie williams oneshot #ellie tlou 2 #ellie willams x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #tlou2 #ellie moodboard #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams headcanons #tlou fanfiction #tlou fandom #tlou ellie

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an-android-child · 1 year ago

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¡JAJA! YOU HAVE ACTIVATED MY AUTISM TRAP CARD

SPECIAL INTEREST

SO, first let's get to Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne's clusterfuck of a relationship.

As everyone will tell you, comic's canon is like gender: a social construct. If anyone tries to tell you there's a main canon they're lying to you. It's true that the comics TRY to market it as such, and we've been through so many reboots and continuities that I believe the present default is, literally, that everything is canon, depending on what the writer or story calls for. Which is as confusing as it sounds, and has been regarded as, possibly, the move of all time.

And I want to make it explicitly clear that I am not taking Elseworlds (official dc aus for their ocs, like Batman being a pirate and shit like that) into account. This is literally all "main continuity" in all its rebooted as shit glory. I'll specify what continuity I mean, but basically know that every once in a while DC has the compulsive need to kill off their entire character universe and start it all again "from the beginning", except it's literally never that because half of this reboots need the reader to know the characters already, so what's the point, and that they tend to just make everything worse and deliver the most dumb possible comic events in history, with few exceptions. But that's a personal opinion and it literally doesn't matter.

At the end of the day, here's the thing. There are... A shit ton of interpretations about their relationship, because it literally varies from writer to writer. No, I'm not kidding.

Let's start from the beginning. Literally.

First Main Universe

Detective Comics (1937) #38

Writer: Bill Finger

The first appearance of Dick Grayson is hilarious because it doesn't mention any legal procedure regarding anything related to the fact that Dick's an orphan now. Batman sees a traumatized child and thinks "is anybody gonna kidnap that" and doesn't wait for an answer. There's no real label for their relationship either, aside from the cover's vague remark of "taken under his mantle", and literally those two panels where it implies that Dick will be working with Bruce as an aide or something. Or better said, that they will be going on adventures together lmao. I mean, I guess.

Also unrelated but I love the fact that Bruce caves like a wet paper towel for his kids so much, even at the beginning. No, you can't be a crime fighter vigilante, wait no no don't look at me like that here I'll train you for months here's my secret identity and all my money please come live at my very big and lonely mansion

Detective Comics (1937) # 39 & #43 & #47

Writer: Bill Finger

So yeah, for a while, the og Batman writer basically referred to Dick as an aide. Whatever that means. Unpaid internship go brrrrrrrr.

Detective Comics (1937) #40

Writer: Bill Finger

But even from the beginning, it was obvious that their relationship was special and that they cared for each other. Hell, Dick was the first person to ever know Batman's secret identity. That's a huge ass deal. Not even his fiancé knew. Before Alfred even existed, Dick Grayson was already living in that house lmao.

Detective Comics (1937) #41

Writer: Bill Finger

The FIRST ever mention of any type of legal relationship between them is this off-hand comment made when they're trying to infiltrate a boarding school to find some killer I can't remember the name of. I place some legitimacy in it because they're literally going as Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson, no disguises. When did Bruce do the paperwork for this? When did the trial take place? Who knows! It will be explained. Later. Somewhat. Don't think about it.

As time progressed, the relationship became more explicitly parental. You could argue this was because of the controversy, but whatever it may be for, Bruce doesn't shy away from telling/showing Dick how much he loves him. He also does it when he thinks no one's paying much attention to him lol

Batman (1940) #20 (this issue is very cute)

Writer: Bill Finger

Batman (1940) #66

Writer: Bill Finger

Sometimes though, he would insist they were just the best of friends.

Detective Comics (1937) #166

Writer: Don C. Cameron (i'm not sure if it's really him, but i can't find any other sources claiming any other writer, and it kinda seems like his writing style)

Ironically, Dick seems to be the one to insist they're just good friends the most, which I find an interesting choice.

Batman (1940) #3 & #20 & #118

Writer: Bill Finger

Except... When he doesn't.

Batman (1940) #57

Writer: Bill Finger

Batman (1940) #339

Writer: Gerry Conway

Either way, don't be fooled. No matter what, this little guy cares.

Batman (1940) #13 (in this story Bruce is just pulling off a ruse with a dummy so Dick doesn't get killed, but instead of telling him he leaves the house lmao. Also, oh, the irony)

Writer: Bill Finger

The general consensus though, if there's anything like that in a world as cruel as this one, is that Dick was never formally adopted, just taken in as a ward. This was because, in the 40's, single men couldn't adopt even if they wanted to, so that was the next best thing. But that's another entire can of worms.

So yeah, Dick was never really adopte-

Detective Comics (1937) #145

Writer: Don C. Cameron (again, I can't be sure, but the comic references two other issues written by him, and I'll eat my left shoe if it's anyone else)

Yeah let's just. Let's just move on.

Second Main Universe

In the second universe, things start getting messy. Writers have decided angst is what they want, and their relationship becomes way more rocky. They fight, Dick becomes Nightwing, Bruce gets his back broken, Jason fucking dies, not in that order. Y'know the drill. The focus on father and son shifts, but let's start with the basics.

For some context, in this universe Dick isn't adopted, but Bruce is his legal guardian.

The Untold Legend of the Batman (1980) #2

Writer: Len Wein

So yeah, Dick isn't adopte-

Robin (1993) #0 (thank you so much @northoftheroad for helping me find this instance!!! there are way too many comics sometimes lmaoo. i recommend her blog so much, and she specializes in Dick's whole comic history)

Writer: Chuck Dixon

Ignore that.

He's just a ward-

Robin (1993) Annual #4

Writer: Chuck Dixon (IS HE ADOPTED OR NOT DIXON)

Ignore that.

I meant foster chil-

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #100

Writer: Dennis O'Neil

Fuck.

Look. This is a mess, we both know it. Let's pretend consistency is a thing that exists and that DC gives a shit about it.

In the second universe, Dick ISN'T adopted, and doesn't care much that he hasn't bee-

Tales of the Teen Titans (1984) #50

Writers: Marv Wolfman & George Pérez

I actually meant that he cares and wants to be Bruce's so-

Batman (1940) #439

Writer: Marv Wolfman

I mean, he was a child when he said that! Character development I guess! In a way! It's the same author. I don't understand the point of the conversation at the wedding if Dick literally asked him not to. I can get behind tha-

Secret Origins (1986) #13 (thank you so much @tiffanybluesclues for helping me find this instance!!! they have this super fricking cool meta i can't recoomend enough if you want to see more clearly for yourself what Bruce's and Dick's whole deal is about lmao)

Writer: Dan Mishkin

Okay this is getting ridic-

Batman (1940) #217

Writer: Frank Robbins

YEAH. WHY NOT

DID I MENTION THAT THIS UNIVERSE TRIES FOR THE BROTHER ANGLE. Except when it doesn't.

In the First Universe we had the best friends angle, now we have the brother one. They want to keep Bruce young so bad, even at the cost of consistency.

Robin (1993) Annual #4

Writer: Chuck Dixon

And also the best friend angle. Again. Because of course we do.

All this mess is just the first two universes and I'm leaving so many details out. Jesus Fuck.

Third Main Universe

The universe I was referencing, the one where Dick is adopted by Bruce as an adult, is the third main continuity. From one of my favourite comic writers (who was done so dirty, and I'll never forgive some fans for how they treat her, or DC editorial for not letting her finish her Nightwing story properly).

Batman: Gotham Knights (2000) #17 (this issue was released in 2001)

Writer: Devin Grayson (my beloved)

You'd think this would be a pivotal moment for their relationship, in the sense that it would shape how other authors wrote them from then on. As times have changed, the focus on a much more character driven story has been the cause for many changes in DC comics. One of the reasons the Second Universe was so full of angst (not as much as people make it out to be, but way more than we were used to), was precisely that fact. And now, in the present, one could argue the focus is still there, perhaps even more so. You'd think this would mark the end of an era, the beginning of another. You'd be correct, in literally any other circumstance.

But this is DC.

52 (2006) #30 (this issue was released in 2007)

Writers: Geoff Johns & Grant Morrison & Greg Rucka & Mark Waid

Batman and Robin (2009) #7 (this issue was released in 2010)

Writer: Grant Morrison

Batman (1940) #713 (this issue was released in 2011)

Writer: Fabian Nicieza

This will always be DC.

Fourth Main Universe

Nightwing (2011) #0

Writers: Kyle Higgins & Tom DeFalco

So, yeah. Canon is a social construct. Some writers see them as brothers, some as best friends, some as equals, some as father and son, some as fricking colleagues, and I'm sure you can find someone who sees them as lovers. This is literally a pick your poison type of deal here.

And all of this. All of this just to talk about Dick and Bruce. I have barely even touched the present continuity (the fourth one, I'm not counting soft reboots because everytime a new writer appears it is a soft reboot istG). I haven't even gotten to Jason.

I'll do a part two in the reblogs later about him, lmao. Probably make my own post as not to clog op's notes (this was supposed to be a short answer and it got way too long)

If you want some recs about a character in particular, or a specific type of relationship, feel free to hit me up! I'll see what I can find

dick and jason trying to give tim the crash course on what it's like to be robin, except tim leaves the conversation more confused than he was before, because everyone quickly had the realisation that there was. definitely a favourite child

dick goes on about how bruce's teachings gave him healthy outlets for his grief and anger etc etc, whilst jason's very much confused because he was kinda under the impression that robin was an outlet for bruce's feelings.

dick says that the father-mentor ratio was really well balanced during his time as robin, and bruce always saw him as a son first. and jason's just like "....i didn't even know he saw me as his son until after i died????"

#BTW I LOVE YOUR PROFILE PIC WHO IS THAT!!!!#Also sorry for the late reply I got sick lmao I think its the burnout #that made me actually physically ill so that's always fun #This post made me go into a research frenzy so I legit thank you for that cause my ass needed it #Had to restart it once or twice because it would DELETE ITSELF FROM MY DRAFTS #and also sometimes it wouldn't even save #dc #batman #meta #dick grayson #bruce wayne #i didn't even get to show the cute outing pictures of the golden age lmaoooo #this was so long and for what #I THINK I HIT POST TOO EARLY AND PANICKED #SORRY ABOUT THAT #hope op doesn't mind this long ass rant #its been so long you probably don't even remember asking this lmaooo #but i'm so thankful for all the people that have helped me #also op if you're reading this and you're uncomfortable with this long ass post let me know!!#dc meta

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astonmartingf · 11 months ago

Text

GOOD RIDDANCE OP! ; CS55

carlos sainz x aston martin fan!reader . . . after breaking up with your stupid boyfriend your number one idol hooks you up on a date with one of his "sons" which is a driver from the same team your ex boyfriend likes

amgf i'm back to my roots!!! carlos sainz fics 😛 y'know some amgf lore is that carlos was the first driver i knew other than lewis but he's everywhere atp i think everyone knows him and i saw clips of him talking about alonso that i looked him up and saw him and look at me now, insane. maybe this is a little too self indulgent but what can i say, i cater to myself first when writing so... enjoy pwahahahahahaha because i had fun writing this 😋👍

yourusername uploaded a new story

[i might actually pass out, someone call the doctor rq!!!! what is actually happening]

yourusername

liked by astonmartinf1, fernandoalo_oficial, and 26,941 others

yourusername uhm welcome to spa?

view 7,752 comments

user32 yooooo you're in spa what the heck????

user50 if i had tweeted something like that would i have been invited to a race instead?

user38 con 😭 gra 😭 tu 😭 la 😭 tions 😭

user93 imagine breaking up with boyfriend because of fernando alonso and then going to the race with fernando alonso

user05 SLAYYYY BABES!!!!!!

user17 i know exboyf is fuming //////

comment is liked by the user

user48 oh to be invited by your favorite driver 🥹🥹🥹🥹

user72 @/charlesleclerc my ex boyfriend broke up with me because i've been a fan of you can i get tickets to see you 😭🤲🤲

→ charlesleclerc HAHAHAHAHA send the team your details, we'll find a way

user49 not this being a new way to get tickets 😭

user64 trendsetter yn!!! but also deserve because he actually a pos and good riddance to him

comment is liked by user

yourusername uploaded a new story

[i know a spot he says... 10/10 for the tacos but 100/100 for the company <3]

f1wagscentral

f1wagscentral A new wag in the making? Following the viral tweet of a Fernando Alonso fan, YN LN took F1 fans in a storm with her story time about her ex-boyfriend breaking up with her because of the 2-time World Champion.

In recent news a fan tweeted to YN asking for updates about the date set up by her idol, who confirmed that things are indeed going smoothly which delighted the matchmaker, revealing he knew about their plans.

Fans deduct two drivers in the grid who could be a potential partner for YN which are Lando Norris and Carlos Sainz, with YN's instagram account privated, little information is known. Who are you rooting for, team 🌶️ or 🧡?

view 980 comments

yourusername 🔒

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, carlossainz55, and 5 others

yourusername i have a life outside being a fernando alonso fan 🤞

view 25 comments

carlossainz55 i always knew i was the other man in our relationship

→ yourusername i'm glad you know how important fernando alonso is to me ❤️

→ yourusername especially because i hate your team, fuck ferrari thank god you're moving to williams

→ carlossainz55 is that why you haven't soft launched me yet?

→ yourusername you mean hard launch?

→ carlossainz55 WAIT.... is that really the reason???? amor?????

→ yourusername i'm joking stop spamming my messages, wth

→ carlossainz55 don't joke with me amor

→ yourusername it may or may not be the reason.....

→ carlossainz55 how could i have missed it 🙄 not surprised, we both know how much you hate ferrari, nonetheless glad you took the chance

→ yourusername and if i told you i dated you to make my ex boyfriend jealous?

→ carlossainz55 well you love me don't you?

→ yourusername i think that's entry level babes, ofc i love you so much 😘

→ carlossainz55 i'm sure your love is enough to make him jealous, his loss and a win for me 😛

→ yourusername wow you're so cute, come home faster now 😠

→ carlossainz55 aye aye boss 🫡

→ yourusername we can watch fernando alonso clips right?

→ carlossainz55 whatever you want amor 😘

#f1 smau #f1 x reader #f1 fluff #f1 imagine #carlos sainz smau #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz fluff #carlos sainz imagine

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kaivenom · 4 months ago

Note

Would you write a different version of OP dilfs dating a milf with a child, preferably a younger child (like 12 and below)?

Thank you!

OP Dilfs with a Milf!reader with a young child

Characters: Doflamingo, Mihawk, Crocodile, Smoker, Shanks

Masterlist

Dracule Mihawk

Tries to stay calm but doesn't really knows what to do with a kid.

Perona and Zoro? that was a nightmare but still acceptable.

But with a child was a different story.

He doesn't consider himself a funny nor sociable person, so when you bringed the little boy to the castle, he needed to plot something.

He tried all sort of things, cooking with them, playing games, etc.

But the child was always trying to reach his sword, and he couldn't let that happen.

Then he started to think and realized that maybe that was the solution, playing fighting.

A training with wooden swords later and he was the proudest ever, of him and of the sanguinary future warrior in front of him.

Donquixote Doflamingo

You were the one scared.

Yes, he has experience with kids but also, he isn't the best one with people around him.

Surprisingly, he is extra cautious with your kid.

Since he is extra large when he gets the kid and lifts them in the air, you are on the edge of a heart attack, cause that height could surely kill them.

He orders a feast, all of the games that he can collect in Dressrosa, he even obliges some toys (people) to do a theatre show to make you all laugh.

Somehow, he is being extra careaful to make everything fun for him and your child.

At the end, he values family and knows that is a way to get to your heart.

Sr. Crocodile

Even at the age of ten, your hcild noticed that Crocodile had money and they used it to their advantage.

They knew he wanted to get along so you feel proud of him.

And Crocodile knew perfectly that the child was using him, but he let it be.

He saw the potention on the child to be his succesor, just in one afternoon with them.

So, at the end of the day, when you left them both alone to get to the bathroom, he sat on the table and started to get full business meeting.

You had no clue what was happening when you came back, with your boyfriend and your child sat on the table with a vinculant contract.

Smoker

Really nervous.

You decided to left them alone a whole afternoon so they can meet each other and get along well.

He doesn't know what to do, he isn't sure how to connect with children.

So he goes to the things he does good and asks the child "do you like marines?"

And so, he gets the child to his ship, then to the quarters and then to his office.

At the end of the day, your child has a marine uniform, a membership to marine jr cadets and a lot of candy and sweets from the quartes vending machines, and of course, an eagle plushie.

You had to contain your laugh to the sight but you appreciated the effort, and your child was more than happy.

Akagami Shanks

He gets flashbacks from Uta.

He already has experience raising a child but still, he feels anxious and really nervous.

To meet the child, to do things with them and to raise them.

He tells you about it the day after meeting your child, mostly cause he could sense how you noticed his behaviour.

You had to reasure him that he was a good father to Uta and that he did the best he could.

On the initial meeting, your child was a little cruel to him but then, they started to see Shanks better.

Cause lets accept it, Shanks is really funny, so a little child could feel good with them around.

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pucksandpower · 2 years ago

Text

Your Friend Steve

Max Verstappen x Reader

Summary: it’s finally me and you, and you and me … just us, and your friend Charles

r/relationshipadvice

u/yourusername · 9h

My boyfriend (26M) and I (22F) cannot get a second alone!

The two of us have been together for a few years now. We met through mutual friends and really hit it off. He’s caring, thoughtful, and we have the best time together.

The issue is ... his best friend (26M) is ALWAYS around. And I mean always. We’ll be out to dinner and bestie will show up and pull up a chair. We’ll be cuddling on the couch watching Netflix and he’ll let himself in with the spare key and wedge between us. I swear this guy is like an overeager puppy sometimes.

The other day I came home with my boyfriend and bestie was there ... sleeping on MY side of the bed because he “got lonely” at his place. And don’t get me started on trying to plan a vacation for just the two of us. Without fail, bestie always finds out where we are and shows up.

I’m happy they’re so close and I’d never want to get between them or ask my boyfriend to pick. But his best friend is starting to feel like a third wheel in our relationship. I jokingly said to my boyfriend that at this rate, bestie will be part of our engagement and marriage too!

I could really use some outside advice. How do I kindly set some boundaries with my boyfriend’s overly-attached best friend? I want all of us to still be friends but the constant third-wheeling is getting to be a bit much.

u/relationshipguru123 · 8h

Wow, this sounds really annoying and awkward! Hate to say it but your boyfriend needs to step up and set some better boundaries with his friend. As close as they may be, it’s not ok for him to let his friend crash your alone time constantly. It’s disrespectful to you and your relationship. If your bf won’t address it, you’ll have to be the “bad guy” and talk to the friend directly to give him a reality check.

u/NeedMoreSpace · 7h

I feel you, OP! My sister deals with this with her husband’s best friend too. They even joked that the friend would be IN the delivery room when they have kids one day 😳 She finally sat down with her husband and told him that while she cares about the friend, she needs some lines drawn for their marriage’s sake. Maybe suggest setting one or two date nights a week that are just for you two? And no dropping in unannounced! Compromise is key.

u/BFFboundaries · 5h

This behavior would drive me CRAZY! You need to put your foot down with your bf and tell him his friend’s constant presence is affecting your relationship. Then talk to the friend together to make it clear you just need some alone time as a couple sometimes. If they don’t respect reasonable space, it will breed resentment.

r/relationships

u/DutchLion · 5h

Help! My best friend (26M) is cockblocking me without even realizing it!

I (26M) have been together with my girlfriend (22F) for a few years. She’s awesome — fun, hilarious, and crazy sexy. She puts up with my quirks and even likes watching sports with me. Absolute keeper!

The problem is, my best friend has NO boundaries. I love him like a brother but he has zero concept of personal space or alone time.

Just last night, my girl and I were enjoying some long overdue freaky time together, when who bursts through the bedroom door unannounced? Yep, my best friend. Turns out he “accidentally” made copies of my keys ages ago.

Before I can react, he’s jumped onto the bed between us asking what we’re up to. My girlfriend was mortified and hurried to cover up. There went the mood for the rest of the night thanks to Captain Cockblock!

That’s just the latest in a long string of intrusions. Double dates, surprise sleepovers in OUR bed, you name it. I’m going to have to lock down the apartment Fort Knox style to get any intimacy!

Don’t get me wrong, I would take a bullet for my best friend. But how do I politely tell him that constant third-wheeling is killing my game and giving me the most painful blue balls known to man? Is there a tactful way to set some boundaries so we BOTH stay sane and satisfied?

u/CantUnseeThat · 4h

Dude, I felt awkward just READING this! Major props to your girlfriend for being so chill. You gotta have a talk with your boy and set some hard lines. A real best friend would respect that your relationship needs privacy too.

u/Locks4aReason · 3h

Your friend needs better boundaries yesterday. Sit him down, tell him you get he’s lonely but he can’t just walk in whenever, especially when sexy times are happening! Maybe suggest setting him up on some dates so he finds fulfillments elsewhere.

u/needabroboundary · 3h

As much as you love your best friend, your personal life with your lady should be a priority over letting him run wild! Have a man-to-man talk and make it clear you just need some couple time a few days a week. Offer to schedule some designated bro time to keep that bond too. Gotta compromise.

u/needspace321 · 2h

Don’t feel bad about setting some hard boundaries, even if it bruises his ego at first. True friends will understand. Explain you just need some regular alone time with your gf. Offer a standing weekly bro night to keep the friendship intact too. You need to have that balance!

r/AmItheAsshole

u/PrinceOfMonaco · 3h

AITA for wanting to spend time with my best friend and his girlfriend?

Some background — my friend (let’s call him M) and I go way back to childhood. We’re basically as close as brothers. A few years ago he started dating his now serious girlfriend (we’ll call her Y).

Initially, I’ll admit I was worried M would drift away and our bromance would fade. But much to my delight, Y is awesome! She likes the same sports, laughs at my jokes, and comes to watch our competitions. Honestly it feels like I gained a sister!

Naturally, the three of us started hanging out constantly. I know me and M have always valued bro time together. But now Y joins our gaming sessions, I ride along on their date nights often, and I will even crash in their guest room after late nights! It’s been pretty great.

Or so I thought? Lately I’ve noticed them acting strange and tense around me. They barely react when I barge into their room or surprise them by their cars after work. Sometimes they pretend to be “busy” if I try making plans last minute.

I can’t figure out why though? Just the other day, I popped by to say hi only to have M rather sternly tell me I should “call before visiting from now on.” And I could swear I heard Y whisper about needing “boundaries” … whatever that means!

I’m starting to feel hurt they suddenly seem fed up with me! AITA here? Am I missing something? Someone help me decode these mixed signals!

u/needboundaries101 · 3h

YTA. I know you value your friendship but your total lack of boundaries is overbearing. Your friend is trying to set reasonable limits without damaging the friendship but you’re oblivious to all hints. Surprising them and inviting yourself along all the time is inconsiderate. Give them space!

u/respectrelationships · 3h

Soft YTA. I get you cherish the bromance and her friendship too. But constantly crashing date nights, unannounced visits, etc is cockblocking to the max! They likely feel too awkward to bluntly tell you that they need alone time too sometimes. Tone down the clinginess before you do permanent damage!

u/flying_solo · 2h

NAH but only because you seem genuinely unaware your behavior is an issue! Most people would have picked up on the hints by now. You should DEFINITELY be calling ahead before visits or tagging along to closed plans. Give them a chance to say no thanks. Gotta let your bro spread his wings too.

u/threesacrowd · 2h

YTA. You would lose your mind if your best friend was this invasive during your dates! When they make excuses or leave early, that’s NOT an invitation to join them unasked and uninvited next time! They’re just too polite to be harsh so I’ll spell it out — you have to give them personal alone time without taking offense.

charles_leclerc

Liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername, and 1,273,948 others

charles_leclerc happy third anniversary to my favorite couple ❤️

View all 3,085 comments

maxverstappen1 thanks, mate!

charles_leclerc i’m going to pick up some dinner from that italian place we all like and i should be at your place in around 20 minutes

yourusername we really appreciate that, charlie. but you know … it’s our anniversary and we would like to celebrate alone

charles_leclerc i totally understand! that’s why i’m taking the food to go so we can celebrate alone with just the three of us

maxverstappen1 yeah but we want to ✨celebrate✨ you get me?

charles_leclerc you want me to stop and buy some sparklers?

yourusername what we’re trying to say is that we want to celebrate … in bed

charles_leclerc even better! your mattress is so comfortable and we can put some netflix on while we have a sleepover together

landonorris they’re literally spelling it out for you in black and white 💀

pierregasly mon ami, they’re trying to say they need some adult time tonight 😏 maybe skip the visit this once

danielricciardo how do i say this nicely … max and y/n are clearly desperate for uh, anniversary cuddles without you as the little spoon!

lewishamilton someone rescue my man charles from himself before it’s too late. praying the two lovebirds to get to celebrate properly tonight 😉

charles_leclerc of course we will all celebrate properly! i have champagne

roscoelovescoco read’s the room’s 🙄

f1wagupdates i can’t tell if charles is trolling them or if he genuinely doesn’t get it 😭

charles_leclerc what is there to get?

yourusername i give up 🤦‍♀️

yourusername … what flavor popcorn do you want for our sleepover?

charles_leclerc white cheddar, please!

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