#Survivor!Curly

[itsallmouthwashing]

Ghost Adventures AU- Survivor!Curly

Listen to me I CANNOT stop thinking about this so here are some bullet points ENJOY MUAH

The bodies and site itself is cleaned up while still preserving the incident. 

Ofc Curly still sees them all

It’s all the same to him. Zac (yes Zac Baggins. His great-great-great-grandson maybe but it’s just Zac Baggins) points out where bodies ‘used to be’ and Curly gets really confused and starts questioning his interactions with the ghosts

He also sees them where he knows they died and can usually talk to them there

Jimmy is confined to the utility room by everyone's collective ghost powers (ghost willpower ig)

Jimmy is the first ghost Curly interacts with and that kinda causes a breakdown

He kinds sees wisps of Jimmy around utility and the cockpit and they eventually lead him to utility (he thinks he hallucinating the whole time)

While Curly is super questioning his talk with Jimmy, Zac and crew come in and confirm crazy ghost activity. He goes through his routine checklist to ground himself. (meds, slept nine hours, ate at least twice, etc?) I feel he would have a very strict schedule that he sticks to and uses to ground himself in reality and his current actions and efforts rather than spiral hard into guilt and anxiety 

At one point the crew use an Ouija board in medical. Curly watches Anya move the planchet and she just stares back at him. She talks through the Oujia board only (He gets really fucking confused when she straight up talks to him later)

Daisuke has periods where he forgets that he’s dead. He more often forgets how

Swansea continues to guard utility most times. He has the ability to go in, just like everyone else, but chooses not to. Jimmy will annoy him by banging on the door and wailing

He tries not to be around Daisuke when he forgets. It’s too painful for him to see again

Anya usually roams the halls. She can't stand being in one place for a long time. If she does she starts to feel sick

The ghosts still have game night! They can all interact with the environment just fine 

Maybe in this AU Curly ends up living at the site or frequenting it way too often. So there’s potential for nice moments and not just traumatrumatraumatraumtraumatrauma yk?

PLEASE add on to this I am begging I would love to hear your ideas :)

[shinigami--apples]

I survived here's to doing it again next year

[dykedvonte]

Another reason I believe Anya didn't mercy kill Curly is because by doing so she would've subconsciously admitted to herself that sometimes it's easier to just give into the suffering and end it rather than push/maintain through and she wasn't ready to admit that about herself.

[carlestin]

was having fun with portraits tonight

[rosemaries-shroom]

Mouthwashing fandom! I need a little of your time

I made a post already on the Mouthwashing fandom's struggle with seeing nuisance in the game/characters

Please remember that other fans are just as nuisanced. That the people making art and fanfics (especially the "everyone lives! Yay!" ones) aren't ignoring canon or diluting the message of the story.

We enjoy the fics where Anya does get the protection she deserves, the fics where Curly/Jimmy(in therapy) is a thing. The fanart of everyone getting a happy ending (minus Jimmy), of Curly and Anya in solidarity. It doesn't change our opinion on the game or the canon characters. It just fills the what-ifs, the wishes we have for ourselves, for things to be good.

We love the curly/canon!Jimmy fics, the trauma fics of jimmy/Anya, the ones that make things worse. The art of Jimmy going mad with burned!Curly in the background, of Curly and Jimmy's insanity. It's also not a portrayal of what we think of the canon characters. It does connect our reality to the experiences of the characters.

You can't control how others connect/relate to something. You can't control the way people use a piece of media to cope. You'll exhaust yourself, annoy yourself and more than likely end up targeting the very people you want to support. Block or move on, protect your peace

[thevoidstaredback]

Part 1

When he woke up, the only thing he could feel was pain. He wondered for a moment about what was happening, but threw that thought aside when he registered that he was hanging upside down. And like that, he knew exactly where he was.

“Forget it!” yelled the voice of his childhood nightmares, “Get me my sword!”

“But, sir! He’s-he’s a kid!”

“Get me my damn sword!”

Luffy didn’t remember blacking out, but he must’ve if this was when he’d ended up. Either that or he had actually died for a minute when he was a kid. Huh. Don’t tell Chopper.

He’d grown used to blood and injuries and everything accompanying them a while ago out of necessity. The threat of death was a looming presence since his childhood, but he’d never feared it. There was nothing to fear, he thought, and it was pointless to fear an eventuality. Being trapped, however, was one of the things he hated the most. Being tied up, helpless and at the mercy of his captors, was something he’d not experienced since he was seven. And now, he was right back where he started.

And, exactly as he remembered, the wall directly behind him shattered inwards, throwing splinters everywhere. He couldn’t stop his smile as his brothers - both so small, but bigger than him, and not yet his - came to his rescue.

Sabo made quick work of the rope that was hanging him from the ceiling, catching him just before he hit the ground. Ace stood with his back to them, keeping them as blocked from view as his four-foot-tall body could manage. Luffy cried at the sight of his brothers, fully planning on shifting the blame to his injuries.

“Damnit, Ace, c’mon! Let’s go!” Sabo yelled.

Ace didn’t so much as twitch, not allowing any of his enemies out of his sight. “I never run from a fight.”

Sabo scowled, “Ace!” His eyes shifted between Ace and Luffy a few times before he let Luffy fall to the floor so that he could stand up. “You stay here!”

The two ten-year-olds made quick work of the washed up pirates, leaving them all unconscious and sporting more than a few broken bones between them.

Luffy hadn’t realised the full extent of his grief until just then. His brothers, both dead in his own time, were here. He was with them again. They were both alive!

And they were both scolding him in the middle of the forest while he cried.

“That’s a nasty habit you’ve got, Ace,” Sabo said as he finished wrapping some stolen bandages around Luffy’s head.

Ace ignored him, weighing his pipe - repaired with some tape from the Grey Terminal - in his hands, “It just doesn’t feel right.”

Just like last time, Luffy couldn’t stop his tears, despite his best efforts. He just couldn’t help it! Ace had died in his arms four years ago now, and Sabo had been killed feet away from him a year ago! The two of them being here was as overwhelming as it was gratifying. He will save them both this time, come Hell or high waters.

“Quit cryin’!” Ace yelled as he jumped off the boulder he’d been sitting on, “I hate cry babies.”

Sniffling, Luffy managed to slow his tears, but he couldn’t completely stop them. “I’m not a crybaby.”

Sabo barked a short disbelieving laugh while Ace said, “Yes, you are!”

“Yeah?” Luffy challenged, falling easily into the rhythm of arguing with his brother, “You ever been punched with a spiked glove?!”

The two older boys flinched back. “He’s just being thankful,” Sabo said to his friend, “Give him a break.”

Ace just scoffed and turned away. “Why didn’t you tell them where we hid the money? It woulda save ya a lot of trouble.”

“I thought that if I told them, you wouldn’t wanna be my friend,” his voice cracked. Ace had been in his life for so long… He’d do everything he could to keep him in it this time. Even if that did mean repeating the same adventures.

A look of surprise flashed across Ace’s face. “Why would you wanna be my friend anyway? I gave you such a hard time. Why follow me?”

He was almost hesitant as he said, “Because there’s no one else.” He didn’t meet their eyes. “I can’t go back to Foosha Village, and I hate mountain bandits! If I didn’t follow you, then I woulda been all alone.” He looked up, directly into the boys’ eyes as he finished, “And being alone hurts worse than being hurt!”

Ace folded his arms over his chest. “What about your parents?”

“Gramps is all I have.”

“It’s easier for you when I’m around?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it hard without me?”

“Yeah.”

A beat. “Do you want me to live?”

Luffy took full offence to the doubt he could hear in Ace’s voice. With every last bit of conviction that he could manage, he looked into the older boy’s eyes and stated, “Of course I do!” He dared either of them to challenge his resolve.

“Okay,” Ace breathed, turning away, “But I don’t like spoiled brats like you.”

Luffy denied the accusation, butting heads with Ace. He was so lost in the useless, familiar, argument that he could almost forget he’d held this very same boy - man - as he died. He could almost forget that he wasn’t actually seven.

“This is great and all,” Sabo interrupted, “But I’ve got a real problem here.” When Luffy and Ace turned to look at him, he continued, “Where am I supposed to live? Bluejam’s gonna have goons crawling all over Middle Forest and Gray Terminal looking for us. What if I get attacked in my sleep?”

The three stood in thought for a few minutes before Luffy suggested that Sabo come live with him and Ace. They shared a grin before racing towards the run-down hut.

It was easy to sneak Sabo into their room. And, when Ace and Sabo had fallen asleep, he checked the ribbon of his hat. When he couldn’t find the little piece of paper he’d been expecting to feel, he panicked a bit, shooting to sit up and searching frantically. Just as the doom of Plan B started to set in, he found a little piece of paper, two strings of numbers written on it. Quickly, he folded it back up and hid it under the seam he’d found it in. Then, he fell asleep, he not-yet brothers on either side of him.

When he woke up, the only thing he could feel was pain. He wondered for a moment about what was happening, but threw that thought aside when he registered that he was hanging upside down. And like that, he knew exactly where he was.

***

It was surreal to wake up between his brothers again. He laid awake for an hour, just relishing in the feeling of being with them again. Then, the door opened and he slammed his eyes shut.

Dadan stopped in the doorway, blocking most of the light from coming into the room. “One, two, three,” she counted, “Huh?” This happened several more times and Luffy found himself struggling to not giggle. “Ace, Luffy,” she listed, “Huh?” Finally seeming to register the extra boy in the room, she screeched, “Ace! Luffy! Who is this?!”

Luffy sat up first, playing up the groggy feeling of just waking up. “Huh? Who’s who?” Then, he fell back to pretend to sleep again.

Next was Ace. “You’re too loud!” He groaned, turning over.

Sabo sat up and yawned. After a moment, he stood up completely, kicking Luffy and Ace in the process. “I’m Sabo!” he greeted.

“‘Sabo’, huh?” Dadan raised an eyebrow, “You’re the brat Ace talked about.”

“Ace talked about me?”

“He told me you’re a pain in the ass.”

A giggle. “He told me that you’re an old hag!” There was a bright smile on his face as he spoke. “A real man among men!”

“I’m a woman!”

“Oh, yeah?” He asked. “Well, you knowing about me makes this easier.” He grabbed her hand to shake it before she could so much as blink. “Thank you for taking care of me from today on!”

She ripped her hand back. “Who said you could stay here?!”

Instead of answering her verbally, Sabo farted. Luffy giggled.

“Don’t answer with a fart!”

Ignoring her shouts, the three ran from the building and into the forest. They could tell that it was going to be a great day.

Before they got too far past the treeline, Sabo turned back and yelled, “Oh, yeah! Dadan! We got a bit mixed up with Bluejam’s crew, so they might come ‘round here!”

***

It was a good few days for Luffy. Spending time with his not-yet brothers had all but pushed the last two years out of his focus for the time being. And, before he knew it, the end of the first week in the past had crept up, and with it came a visit from Makino and Mayor Woop Slap. He was so happy, in fact, that he forgot about his grandfather’s inclination for surprise visits.

“What did I tell you about spouting that pirate nonsense?” Ace and Luffy froze when they heard the voice behind them. “I told you two that you’re going to be great Marines!”

Luffy thought it was absolutely unfair that Gramps was using haki to hit him!

Garp turned his attention to Sabo. “Did you say something about being a pirate, too, squirt?”

Before Sabo could deny it, Luffy bounced up from the floor and shouted, “He’s not a squirt! He’s Sabo! And we agreed that we’re gonna set sail and become pirates!”

There was a dangerous look in Garps eye. “Oh?” Then, he hit Sabo in the head, oot. “I’m not gonna let any of you become pirates!”

As fast as they could, Ace, Sabo, and Luffy booked it from the bandit hut, their grandfather hot on their trail.

After an hour, the three boys finally lost Garp. They collapsed onto each other under the roots of a tall tree, cold but comfortable. Luffy hadn’t felt this warm in a while.

***

Waking up with two other people for the second morning in a row was an…experience. For his whole life, Sabo had only ever slept and woke up alone. He found that, strangely, he didn't mind waking up with other people, so long as those other people were these two.

The cave they'd slept in was bright and warm and comfortable and smelled like rain. He loved it.

He didn't know how long it would take for Ace and the kid to wake up, so Sabo crawled out from the roof cove they'd holes up in for the night and took a moment to figure out where in the jungle they'd ended up in.

The clearing the root cave was facing was fairly small, though it was big enough to safely have a large fire in the middle, and was surrounded on all sides by small - though they were huge compared to pretty much everywhere else in the East Blue - trees. The smell of sea water was stronger than up with the bandits, so they were likely by the shore or a cliff, though not close enough for it to actually matter.

The tree they’d slept under was huge. At least twice the size of the others around it.

Sabo grinned, an idea coming to mind. So, he grabbed a piece of bark that had been torn off a tree at some point, a twig big enough to work as a pen, and sat down next to some mud.

Ace and Luffy woke up at nearly the same time about an hour after Sabo had. Crawling out from under the roots together, they were quick to spot and join the blond boy.

“What’s that?” Luffy asked.

“Our secret base!” Sabo presented proudly, turning the bark around to show off his crude mud blueprints.

Ace matched his grin, though his was slightly more manic. “Well, what are we waiting for? This thing ain’t gonna build itself!”

It took a little over a week of near non-stop building for their treehouse to be constructed. The only breaks they took were to hunt and eat, sleep, and search for good building materials in the Gray Terminal and Middle Forest.

The treehouse wrapped halfway around the trunk of the tree, leaving about a foot of space between the planks and the trunk (It was very hard to pull off, but Sabo said that they’d choke the tree if they built it any closer). They hung a rope ladder out of a trapdoor in the floor, long enough that it touched the forest floor. There was another ladder carved directly into the tree that led to a crow’s nest that peaked out of the canopy the house was hidden in. And at the very top was a black flag with the painted letters ASL flying in the wind.

This was their home, their forest, their island. Nothing was taking that away now that their flag was protecting it.

“It’s beautiful,” Sabo said, leaning against the railing of the crow’s nest and staring out at the ocean.

“Yeah,” Luffy agreed. He missed the ocean.

“Luffy!” Ace called, startling him, “Man the sails!”

Luffy grinned, pushing down the part of him that wanted to scold his brother because I’m the captain. “Aye!”

Ace turned to Sabo, “Sabo, take our, um, heading!”

“Right!”

Playing together was probably nothing like sailing for real, but it was good practice for when they actually set sail.

“I want this to last forever,” Luffy said. Ace wasn’t contemplating his existence, Sabo wasn’t looking over his shoulder for shadows that were slowly creeping up, and Luffy was thrown back to when his brothers were still alive and everything was perfect.

“It won’t be able to,” Sabo said, “We’re all gonna set out and be pirates, right? If we do, then we won’t be able to play like this.”

Luffy sighed, turning over to let himself fall asleep, “I know. But that doesn’t mean I can’t hope.”

The two ten-year-olds shared a look over the sleeping seven-year-old before they covered him with a blanket and scrambled up to the crow’s nest.

“There’s something up with him,” Ace whispered, “But what?”

Sabo ruffled his hair in frustration, his hat down with Luffy’s, “I don’t know.”

“He looks so…lonely when he thinks we’re not looking.” Ace grumbled, “Why does he look like that?”

Sabo hummed, “He said hat Gramps is all he has,”

“But that’s not true! He’s got Makino and whoever that Shanks guy is.”

“Yeah. He’s definitely hiding something.”

“But what is it?”

A beat. “I saw him take a piece of paper out of his hat one time.”

“What?”

“It had numbers on it.”

“So?”

“So, it might be a den-den number!”

“What’s a den-den?”

“Uh… Doesn’t matter-”

“Is it that dead snail thing we found a while back?”

“Yes-”

“There are more of those things?!”

“Yes! Now would you shut up and listen?” Sabo waited a moment before huffing. “If that is a den-den number, then there’s probably someone who has the connecting line. That means he has someone other than Gramps. Someone who isn’t here but is clearly waiting for him.”

Ace’s expression went blank. Luffy lied to them? Why would he lie about not having anyone? To be their friend? Pathetic. He climbed down to the main base, ready to kick Luffy awake and give him a piece of his mind, but he stopped himself short.

“Ace!” Sabo hissed, fully prepared to have to drag Ace off of Luffy. He stopped beside Ace, looking to see what had stopped him. “What- Why’s he crying?”

“I don’t know.”

“He was so happy earlier. Why’s he crying?”

“I don’t know, Sabo.”

Part 3

[thebestusernamepossible]

I’m mostly staying off the Mouthwashing fandom bc I personally don’t want to put myself through whatever discourse is ever going on there. But know I love Anya and Mouthwashing is one of the best games I’ve played that had an SA survivor AND was respectful about it!! The abuse Anya suffered is never portrayed as a spectical for the audience to leer at. They use the art of implication VERY well, and in the end Anya gets to go out dignified. She’s not just Jimmy’s tradgic victim, she’s her own character who makes her own decisions. Jimmy doesn’t get to kill her, she expresses her own agency to do so. She’s also the one who kept the gun away from him for so long. Also she’s SO fucking strong, she’s so cool. Anya I love you.

Also the game’s overarching (but subtle) commentary on rape culture, enabling, and how capitalism almost makes a set dressing for it is peak.

[cccyyyaaaannnnnn]

mass doodles

the things im thinking of rightnow another post about multiple fandoms

[biggest-anya-lover]

i’ve said it already but i’ll say it again: shipping anya and curly together is beyond fucking weird and incredibly gross.

[itsallmouthwashing]

Ghost Adventures AU- Survivor!Curly (Part 1)

Alright fellas, I got stupid high last night and rubbed this out with some editing while I'm at work. Please enjoy and feel free to write your own interpretations of this AU!! I don't really want to claim 'ownership' or whatever (if that's even a thing with AUs? Listen I haven't been in fandom for a while before Mouthwashing. It hath risen me from the soil like a necromancer and I am it's silly little skeleton minion) I just want to see what everyone else thinks may be going on

Anyways, please enjoy part one (out of Only God Knows) of the Ghost Adventures AU!

“Are we ready? Cameras are rolling? Yeah? Alright… We’re here at the site of the historic Tulpar Massacre-”

God, I thought I could handle this. He’s not even said anything but Tulpar. Fuck, I need to tune it out. The images are already flying through my mind. I’m reliving it all at lightspeed and it keeps fucking repeating. Every second I’m seeing it all-

“Behind us is a long-haul freighter that belonged to a company known as Pony Express. This corporation was known for cheap and speedy deliveries, along with being one of the last few companies to rely on human employees in an age of automation.”

I hope they know. We’re all heroes today.

“However, while Pony Express may have provided jobs to hundreds of people, the abuse these employees suffered is the real root of this tragedy.” Zac puts his hand up and turns his head to me. “Would you like to say a few words?”

“Huh, oh- No, I trust you.”

He nods, short and with a small smile like he’s seeing it all happening behind my eyes. Maybe he knows I'm not listening. Trying to, anyway.

“Employees aboard Tulpar were only allotted a mere FIVE hours for rest. This does not include recreational activities, which they were not allowed to do in the other nineteen hours in their day. NINETEEN hours, non-stop working around Tulpar.”

His eyes are on me. He wants to know if I’ve changed my mind.

“That’s not the worst part, oh no, friends,” He says when he realizes I won’t, “For a company that claimed to care deeply for its employees, they made it hell to file complaints or go to upper management for help. While on this year long trek-”

My stomach is in hell. I cover my mouth, pretend I’m stifling a cough, and swallow the vomit before it floods their headquarters. Think about something else. 

Anything, Anya. Anything.

“Joining us for our lock-in tonight is the sole survivor of this tragedy, Captain Grant Curly.” He opens his arms to welcome me into the frame. “We’re happy to have you here, Captain.” He says, shaking my hand.

“Happy to be here with you, fellas,” I lied. 

We aren’t even to the door and I already see the inside. We’re simply standing in a residential space travel unit, on the landing pad, which connects to the main door. To the lounge, my quarters. The cockpit, the medical bay. The lounge. Utility. The Pod.

“Captain, off the record,” He nods for his partner to turn off the camera,” In all seriousness, I want to express my appreciation. Please know that at any point you can bow out. Or if you don’t want to be in the episode at all. You just let us know if you need a break or leave all together.” 

I smile. I have to or else I may break. 

“Of course. I think more people need to be aware just how awful Pony Express was to us. It’s great that you guys are covering this.” 

They’re all waiting for me at the door. Swansea and Jimmy cross their arms and grumble something about dying to get started. Two grouches on the ship could be difficult. But Anya and Daisuke are chatting about expectations. She’s stitching the air, mimicking the motions shown in a textbook on her lap. Daisuke copies her and she rolls her eyes playful, remarking that she’s glad he’s not her intern. Swansea tells her to not give him ideas.

“Captain, where’d you go-”

“Besides, who is a captain without his crew?”

“You really loved them, didnt you?”

“Yes,” I say.

They were my responsibility, I don’t. 

Zac smiles back at me before stepping back and observing the map of the ship. He mumbles something to his crew, all of two other people, and they go separate ways to gather equipment. Zac marks something with what looks like a bingo blotter around the blown-up image of my ship. 

“Zac?”

My face looks back at me in question. I’m in my uniform, bent over the blueprints of my ship. My belt buckle, a gift from the company when I was promoted to Captain, shines in the harsh light of the ship. 

“Yes, Captain?” I ask. 

“Uh,” I start, running a hand over the dim and rusted buckle of my own, “Why do…” I have that look. The one like he sees it all before it all comes back to the front of my mind. Zac blinks and leans forward.

“What’s up, Cap?” He asks. 

“Can you read minds… or something?” 

“Ha!” He laughs, hearty and true. “No, nothing like that Mr. Curly.” He wipes moisture from his eyes. “I’ve been told I’m something of an empath."

“Ah, no wonder you’re so kind.”

Zac starts to say something, but his crew is back and dropping equipment on the floor with heavy grunts and sighs. 

“Guys! You need to be careful-” Zac rushes over, but I’m still standing at the table.

[joowee-feftynn]

from intergalactic conquerer to single mother of two

[breakfastteatime]

Respawn, why do you deny us:

1) Curly haired Cal?

2) Cute ponytail Cal??

Why, Respawn, why?!

[r0nin25]

(totally not canon)

here's what they're saying:

"Do you think we're together in every universe?"

"The hell kind of question is that?"

[beatheprincess]

I cant wait to wear my curly hair out soon😊💗

[itsallmouthwashing]

Ghost Adventures AU- Survivor!Curly (Part 2 of Chapter 1)

“Did you hear me?” Zac asks.

“What?”

“I asked if you want to be part of the walk-through. We’re gonna go through the history of the rooms and give the viewers a better picture of the events.”

You know I don’t need to be there for that. “Oh, uh… I’ll let you handle that.”

I stare back at me, smiling before disappearing behind the corner and beckoning my crew to follow. Daisuke and Swansea pick up the equipment in the room. Daisuke wraps a cord around his shoulder and lifts metal boxes in each hand. He beams up at Swansea. 

“I’m excited to get started! I’ve never been on a ship like this, let alone something as historic as the Tulpar!”

“I get that you’re excited, kid,” Swansea says, lowering his voice so I can't hear,” But tell me all about it without its Captain right there. You can't say you’re excited to see the site of a tragedy when it’s only survivor is standing right there-”

“Uh, guys?”

They both turn to me, surprised that I was even paying attention, I think. “It's…” 

My eyes begin to sting. Thorns and bile in my throat. My two best engineers, unscarred, unharmed. Not yet collided with the asteroid that is Captain Curly. 

“It’s alright, really. I used to get excited when I visited wargrounds when I was younger. I was really into history back then. I got really into Range Wars- Ah, anyway. I guess it’s different when you’re a big part of that history. I… used to feel guilty about getting excited to learn about what happened. See the sites. But please, don’t feel guilty for being excited. It was a big deal when I thawed out.” I laugh. “I guess it’s still a big deal.”

Maybe I should feel guilty. How would I feel if I knew the worst portion of my life was their favorite tragedy?

How should I feel now?

“Captain, I-” Daisuke starts.

“Please, Dai, it’s alright.”

“Erm, my name is Lois?”

Swansea elbows him in the side. “Do not be condescending right now, Lo.” He turns to me. “Please forgive them. They’re still learning the ropes and honing their people skills.” 

“It’s alright, it was my mistake. Pleased to meet you, Lois.” I extend my hand for a shake. They look at it like a child looks at broccoli. I notice the equipment wrapped around their shoulders and the boxes in their hands. For such a small one, they sure do know how to carry the weight. “Ah, right. We can do proper introductions later, after you’ve set up.” 

Lois takes a deep breath, smiles with their teeth and says, “Sure thing, Curly.”

I see them now. Much shorter with dyed pink and purple hair. The left side of their head shaved down but still dyed with a string of black and white that look like stars. Colorful blots that look like planets or galaxies. Muscular like I was back in my hay-day. 

“I think, maybe a pink? Or purple?” I hear.

“Pink is so unprofessional, Daisuke.”

“Swans, you need to get with the times! No one cares about dyed hair anymore, old timer.”

Swansea smirks and rolls his eyes as he sips his water. He waves a packet of electrolytes between his fingers and tears it open. “You kids these days don’t know how to respect your elders.”

“See, even you know it, Swansea! Should I call you the grand elder from now on? Or is there a title better suited for you?”

“Ha! Our dear Captain is closer in my age than yours.” His plastic spoon clinks against the mug.  “I think he’s the grand one here.”

Daisuke bows to me deeply. “Grand Curly. Please know I have the utmost respect for you,” he says, giggling. 

“Oh-ho, is that supposed to be a play on my name, or-?”

Swansea tosses me a packet of my own.

“Hell yeah! You got it!” Daisuke jumps onto the counter and swings his feet, careful not to hit the cabinets again. “See, Swans? Cap’s got it alright. What’s your-” 

“ -Problem?”

The word comes from somewhere outside of me. 

“Huh?” I say, looking over my shoulder and around the room for the distant voice. 

“I didn’t bring him here, and I really dont think doing so was a good idea!”

It’s around the corner, I realize. It’s not Daisuke’s. 

“So you get pissy with him like it’s his fault?” Not Swansea’s. 

“No! I’m pissy-” The hydraulic whir of the main doors opening cut Lois off. Was it a bad idea to come here? Am I not ready?

No, I’m ready. I’ve talked with Mary about this. She thinks I’m ready. She did mention exposure therapy… If she says it’s okay, then I’m okay. 

I’m okay.

I’m okay.

I’m okay.

I’m okay.

I’m-

Standing at the doors. The button on the right is a steady, bright red, bouncing off the walls and hitting me directly in the eye, flushing my vision into crimson on mahogany.. This must be what hell looks like. I blink and it’s all flashing. Bright, bright red attacking me. A siren blares in my ears and rattles my brain in its skull. EMERGENCY flashes across my retinas. WARNING across my skin. EMERGENCY across my bones. WARNING across my hands. 

Something else. I need to think of something else. Anything else.

Anything, Anya. Anything. 

Daisuke did talk about wanting to dye his hair when he returned from the trip. Pink or purple, but he leaned more towards pink. “It’s my favorite color,” he confided one day. 

They live on through the pieces of other people I can't unsee. Every passer-by looks like you. Every bright-eyed and bushy-tailed youngin gets to live the life you could have had. And you live on through each one of them. 

My poor Daisuke. 

I don’t care to wipe the tears before my hand meets the button. Everything is green and the hissing around me is real. Safe and familiar. It’s real when it punctures my eardrum and drills deep into my cartilage. The doors open so agonizingly slow, revealing my battered ship one piece of loose debris at a time. 

Yet in just a single moment I see it all for the first time. Shiny, brand new, built just for me and my little crew. Not including our unexpected addition. 

Or the other.

“Captain! We’re just about to do the walkthrough. You change your mind?” 

In the deep green light they wait for me. Zac, Lois, and Momo, chords wrapped around their necks and shoulders, cameras and tripods set up by the set of doors that lead to my doom.

“Yes, actually,” I say. “Yes, I have.”

[doodlingfoolishness]

Okay hear me out… curly Cal