#maybe it would’ve been different if he knew Anya could survive

[thebestusernamepossible]

I’m mostly staying off the Mouthwashing fandom bc I personally don’t want to put myself through whatever discourse is ever going on there. But know I love Anya and Mouthwashing is one of the best games I’ve played that had an SA survivor AND was respectful about it!! The abuse Anya suffered is never portrayed as a spectical for the audience to leer at. They use the art of implication VERY well, and in the end Anya gets to go out dignified. She’s not just Jimmy’s tradgic victim, she’s her own character who makes her own decisions. Jimmy doesn’t get to kill her, she expresses her own agency to do so. She’s also the one who kept the gun away from him for so long. Also she’s SO fucking strong, she’s so cool. Anya I love you.

Also the game’s overarching (but subtle) commentary on rape culture, enabling, and how capitalism almost makes a set dressing for it is peak.

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Banished (Part 22)

*Not my Gif*

Summary: When the 100 was sent to the ground, Y/N Y/L/N was one of them. Having been locked up for almost 8 years, how will she react to surviving on Earth? Especially when she gets banished…

Post Date: 11-03-19

Paring: Bellamy Blake x Reader

Word Count: 3.8K

A/N: I did it! It’s finished and I hope you all like it! Special thanks to those of you who offered to help! Love you ♥️

~Banished Master~

~Master List~

*Based on episode 2x09 of the 100, Remember me*

*Bold Italics are in Trig, I’m just lazy!*

As the darkness faded away, you kept practicing until your arms were aching and then some. But the moment you let your sword drop, all the pain and all the feelings come flooding back and suddenly you found yourself on your knees being held up with shaken hands. You settled your breathing and yet the pit in your stomach still there, you could feel a pair of eyes on you. Looking over your shoulder you caught a glimpse of the person you least wanted to see.

“Enjoying the show Kane?” Your voice was almost hoarse, from spending all night training and grunting but you paid it no mind.

Kane nodded, taking a step forward as you turned to sit with your knees up, resting the blade across them. “You’ve gotten better.”

The remark almost made you laugh but instead you settled for a scoff. “Yeah, no help from you.”

“Y/N, I-“

“Kane.” You interrupted, “I don’t care anymore. Whatever your excuse is, I just don’t care anymore.” Too much had happened for you to focus on him abandoning you for 10 years. You were about to stand up, go find Lexa or Octavia, you hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to her since the drop ship and you hated it, but Kane sat down and squashed any plans of avoidance.

“Why did you do it?” You furrowed your brows as you didn’t know what he was talking about. “Why did you kill those men?”

You fell silent, not evening acknowledging the fact you heard him but he knew you did. “Your arrest was the one arrest no one could figure out.”

“You really couldn’t figure it out?” You spat before realizing it. Kane flinched, taken back but your words as he scooted closer to you. “Wow, for being part of the chancellors guard, you all suck at paying attention. You know, I’m glad I wasn’t put in your care, maybe if I was then I would’ve turned out neglectful like you.” You were on your feet fast, back turned towards Kane as he shouted.

“And how you are now is better?!” Your feet dug into the ground as you stopped yourself, slowly turning to Kane with a stoic face.

“Yeah. At least I fought my demons, instead of abandoning them, locking them in a cell, ignoring them for 8 years, then sending them to earth to die.” Kane was on his feet, striding closer to you as he looked down at you.

“There’s a reason for that.”

“No Kane. There’s no reason to abandon an 8 year old and put her into the care of punch happy guard with a drinking problem.” The words tumbled out and there was nothing you could do to stop it as Kane’s jaw dropped open. Out of any reason Kane had supplied on you killing them- grieving, going crazing, accidental- he never came to the conclusion you were being beaten. It made him sick to think about the fact that he left you, a girl he loved like a daughter, in the hands of someone who would break her day in and day out.

He was about to say something that you already knew you didn’t want to hear before a horn went off, meaning you all were heading back to Tondc. You didn’t say anything as you turned towards the sound, you mind almost as exhausted as your arms and you didn’t hear Kane’s steps follow yours.

You caught a couple different glances along the way but you didn’t return them, keeping your eyes straight ahead before Lexa’s tent came into view and you entered, shocked to see her alone sitting her chair and staring into the ground.

“Heda?” You questioned as she sat straighter and looked to you.

“You trained with Indra?” You nodded as she smiled a little. “Did it help with your anger?”

You let out a little laugh, realizing that the training was Lexa’s idea and that was why Indra wasn’t so keen on you. “I think so. That or seeing Indra get knocked down.” Lexa laughed at your joke, a hint of welcoming in her eyes before it was gone and someone entered the tent behind you.

“Commander, everyone’s ready.” Gustus said taking a glare at you before focusing on Lexa. You tried to ignore the annoyance in your head as you excused yourself and headed outside. Gustus was right, everything was packed up and you were shocked you hadn’t noticed it on your way in, then again you weren’t really looking around.

A spot of blonde hair next to you caught your attention as you saw Clarke staring off into space. You understood that feeling, she just lost her boyfriend. You were about to go over to her and say something, just anything to let her know you’re sorry before a voice stopped you.

“Y/N?” You spun around at the familiar sound, not even caring as you engulfed Octavia in a hug she just as quickly returned.

“God O, I missed you so much.” You whispered in her ear as you closed your eyes. You felt your shoulder get a little wet and knew she was crying slightly but you didn’t mind it. Octavia was the one person who you couldn’t be mad at, no matter what. When you pulled away, you cupped her cheek with your palm, wiping away any tears as she smiled.

“I missed you too. I wanted to talk to you at the drop ship but I was kind of busy.” She took a step to the side as you saw Lincoln, a smile on his face as he watched you and Octavia embrace. You gave him the same hug, a sigh of relief escaping you when you see he was alright.

The moment was over quick though when you pulled away, slapping his arm a little. “Don’t ever do that again! You don’t get to die!” He chuckled at your response, wrapping an arm around you and bringing you into his hold again.

It was nice to be with him again knowing you were both outsiders. Lincoln from the grounders and you from the sky people. Your reunion was cut short as the wall to Tondc started and you stayed arms linked with Octavia the entire time.

“When did you get that?” She asked, nodding down to the sword attached to your hip.

“Indra’s training me. Says I’m supposed to learn how to fight like a grounder.” She nodded her head, taking a look at the woman herself who was weary of all the sky people around her as her hand never left her own weapon. “Although, I’m much better with a bow.” You told her as she began to tell you all about Lincoln training her.

Bellamy walked next to Clarke, his gun in hand as he kept taking glances back and his eyes trained on you. He only looked away when Clarke stared off into the woods in fear. “Hey, you okay?” He asked her as she kept taking glances back into the woods, blowing off Bellamy’s question with a simple yeah.

“You still think this truce is a bad idea, don’t you?” Bellamy’s jaw hardened as he stared ahead of himself.

“We’re wasting time on politics while our friends are in trouble. Their army has been getting their ass kicked for years. What we need is an inside man.”

Clarke shook her head. “It’s too dangerous.”

“If you two made it out, then I can make it in.” Bellamy ignored the way his stomach dropped as he mentioned you. Clarke on the other hand continued to decline Bellamy’s idea. She knew she only made it out because of you and Anya and if Bellamy was going in there alone, he wouldn’t have any backup.

Bellamy didn’t like Clarke’s refusal, demanding a better reason as Clarke slowed down. “I can’t lose you too.” His lips fell into a straight line, nodding before they continued walking. “Besides, what am I supposed to tell them?” She looked over her shoulder, past her mom and Kane, at you and Octavia. You were no longer talking anymore and just walking forward. Bellamy peaked behind him too, getting your attention before looking ahead. He didn’t say anything to Clarke but he knew she just wanted to give him another reason to stay.

The moment you met Bellamy’s eyes and he looked away, you couldn’t help but feel guilty again.

You tried to push yourself away from your head, focusing on Lexa talking to Gustus about the alliance, but you weren’t fluent at all in Trigedasleng.

“It could kill our...”

“Our... or me?”

“Then do your job and protect me.”

Gustus has a sour look on his face when you turned around, seeing the way he stared at the sky people with distain. You knew that look, Gustus was planning something.

You set up camp a little ways from Tondc and immediately everyone separated into Sky People and Grounders. You scoffed as you found fallen tree and leaned against it, knowing that you weren’t going to get much, if any sleep for the second night in a row. Much to your surprise, Clarke took a spot in the middle of the camp, lining herself up with both sides as Bellamy tells her its safer on their side. Clarke doesn’t listen, telling him they need to build trust before she started to lay down. She noticed you staring, giving you a light smile and head nod. It took a minute but you decided to return the nod, letting Clarke know what she’s doing, building trust, it’s going to be appreciated.

The camp died down, fires went out and you stared into the brightly lit stared sky. It never felt the same as it did when you were a child staring out of the window in the hallways. It felt more natural here, like the stars weren’t being blocked by the glass.

“I’m sorry.” Bellamy whispered as he came into your field of view.

“About what?”

He took a seat next to you, copying your stance and staring into the moon and stars. “Lots of things.” You fell into a silence and for once it wasn’t awkward or out of anger. It was wanted. Call it sleep deprivation or pure craziness, but you grabbed Bellamy’s hand, hearing his breathing hitch before he adjusted his grip, wrapping his fingers around your hand.

“I’m sorry too. I’m tired of fighting with you Bellamy. You’re too persistent and I’m too messed up.” You both looked at each other, both of your mouths turned to a frown but both deserved. “I’m just not used to people caring anymore. You know, one minute I’m getting ready for my death and the next I’m being hurled through space towards earth where I meet my new best friend and her dumb brother.” You both laughed as he nudged you in the shoulder, making you laugh a little harder. A few people around you woke up, sending you death glares as you hid your face in between your shoulder and Bellamy’s. The action made Bellamy smile and he squeezed your hand.

“Y/N?” Bellamy whispered as you hummed. “What are we?”

You didn’t really know how to answer that. What were you? “Friends?”

Bellamy smiled again, knowing that you finally considered him a friend made his stomach have butterflies. “Friends.” He repeated softly. You stayed with your head on his shoulder and he rested his on top of yours, as you both slowly dozed off.

You woke up to the sounds of people rising as Bellamy and you shared a few embarrassed glances and got up, grabbing your things and finishing the 10 mile trek to Tondc. They took all the weapons, searching all the sky people and you.

You were all lead into Tondc, Bellamy by your side and for once you weren’t paying attention to him. The grounders around you were screaming, yelling threats about death to the sky people and among them your heard a few death to Skaikiler. You held your breath as a man stepped out into the way and Lexa signaled Gustus to remove him. Gustus started to beat on him and Clarke begged for her to make him stop, saying they’ll blame them for it. Lexa turned to you and you gave her a knowing look as she orders Gustus to stop. Clarke caught onto the exchange with confusion, not sure as to why Lexa had looked to you.

“Warm welcome.” Bellamy mumbles to you after Lexa’s promise to kill anyone threatening the alliance. You nodded, swallowing thickly and following after Clarke with Bellamy.

After Finns funeral you were lead to a dinning hall, a huge table set up and sky people stood on one side while the grounders stood on the other. You didn’t know which side to truly take before Lexa had you stand next to her.

Kane pulled out a bottle of liquor, offering it to the commander. Gustus pulls out two goblets, placing them in front of Lexa before she stops him.

“Grab another for Y/N. She drinks with us.” Gustus nodded his head, casting a frown as he put another cup on the table which Lexa filled in the liquid. She hands one to you and one to Clarke and you toast almost taking a sip before Gustus has stopped you all.

“Heda, allow me.” He took the cup from Lexa, taking a drink before handing it back.

“Today we celebrate peace...” Lexa began as you tapped your finger against the cup. Almost as soon as she finished her speech Gustus collapsed behind you and everyone went into shock as he started convulsing. Bellamy smacked the cup out of your hand as Abby took the one out of Clarke’s. You were frozen, staring at Bellamy’s wide eyes as Indra screamed for you all to be searched again.

“We didn’t do this! You know we didn’t!” Clarke cried out as you finally pulled yourself together, allowing the grounder to frantically search you, only to come up empty.

“Heda.” Someone who was searching Raven said as you turned your attention, seeing him pull out a small vile of poison.

“No sky person leaves this room.” Lexa orders before leaving, locking you in there with the rest of them.

You sat in the corner, resting your head back against the cold concrete.

Kane, who was standing on the other side of the room, was pacing back and forth.

...a punch happy guard with a drinking problem.

He knew something more was going on when you were arrested and now everything was starting to make sense. Except one thing. He walked over to Bellamy, who was leaning on the wall.

“Why was she banished?” He asked, skipping all formalities. Bellamy sucked in a breath, clearing his throat as he tried to find the words.

“She killed a kid.”

“Who?”

Bellamy felt like they were loudest people in the room as he continued. “Some kid named James. I don’t know, she left the camp and when we went to find her she had a knife and was covered in his blood.” Kane wore a scowl as his mind kept piecing things together, one after another.

James. He knew exactly why the only James was sent down here.

Kane pushes himself away from Bellamy, who proceeded to follow him. “Kane. What’s wrong?”

“James was arrested for raping a girl when he was intoxicated.” He told Bellamy in a hushed whisper as Bellamy’s world just collapsed. The night you killed him, half the camp was drunk off their asses. There was no reason for James not to be as well.

Clarke was the first person to approach you, sliding down the wall until she was on the floor. “Raven didn’t poison the drink.”

“I know.” You assured her, peaking open an eye to see her taken back look.

“What?”

“I know Raven didn’t poison the drink.”

“How?”

You guffawed, “You’re dumb Clarke. But you’re not stupid. You need this alliance. If you don’t the mountain men won’t be the ones dying. It will be your people.”

“Our people.”

“Your people.” The bitterness in your voice made Clarke stop trying. But when she stared straight ahead, her eyes widened and her breathing started increasing. “Clarke? What’s wrong with you?” You were concerned for the blonde. Since Finn, she hasn’t been acting like herself.

She hesitated but sighed, leaning her head back like you. “Just problems.” She said, blowing off your concern.

“Lexa needs this alliance.” You shift in your seat to face Clarke as she follows. “She thinks we tried to kill her, so let’s figure out who did.”

“Who wants her dead?”

You shake your head, clicking your tongue against the roof of your mouth. “Too many to count. This alliance was a risk even more so after Finn.”

Clarke’s face dropped at the mention of his name. Everyone started to gather around you two, listening in and trying to help. You kept your eyes drawn to the floor and dodging the glances of Bellamy and Kane. “So it has to be someone trying to break the alliance?” Octavia asks before the door opens, Indra enters and everyone scrambled to their feet. Bellamy pushes you and Octavia behind him and you were thankful for the buffer as right now the woman most likely isn’t taking to you very well. They pull Raven out against all your pleads, saying when she’s dead the alliance is too. Raven was tied up and you and Lincoln shared a glance. He’s told you about this ritual, 1000 cuts and she’s dead. Suddenly everything became blurry and people were yelling and Raven was getting cut. Your head started spinning and you just wanted this to stop. Abby and Clarke were talking before Abby left her and you took her place.

“Clarke. Do something.” You told her as she spun around towards the inside of the room.

“I can’t take it anymore! Say something!” Clarke yelled into nothing and you furrowed your brows.

“Clarke?” You pressed, now completely sure something was going on with Clarke that you didn’t know about. Abby came back, yelling at the both of you in order to make their escape. “Clarke?” You grabbed her shoulders, trying to get her to look at you but she didn’t. Instead she glanced down to where the discarded goblet laid.

“It wasn’t in the bottle.” She mumbled.

“What?” You gasped as she grabbed your hand and pulled you along with her upstairs. Bellamy caught you when Clarke let go.

“Clarke stop! You’re gonna get yourself killed!” He yelled but she ignored him. “Are you alright?” He asked looking over you as you stood in shock. You nodded your head, taking a step closer to Lexa as Bellamy followed, a hand gently laid on your back. Clarke drank the liquor Kane brought as Lexa watched in anger.

“Explain.”

“The poison was never in the bottle, it was in the cup.”

“A trick commander.” Gustus spoke as the hand on your back, pressed you more into Bellamy.

“It was you. You searched Raven.” Lexa denied Bellamy’s words, saying Gustus would never harm her before you realized,

“You weren’t the target. The alliance was.” Lexa turned to you, a frown on her lips.

“You’ve been accused Gustus, speak true.” Gustus told her the truth, how this alliance would cost her her life. “And this treachery will cost you yours.”

Raven was taken down and Gustus was strung up instead. Everyone taking a slice at him.

“This would’ve been Finn.” Raven mumbled as you whisper a yeah. Bellamy grabbed your hand, both of your eyes never wavering from Gustus.

Lexa delivered the final blow as Gustus’ head dipped to his chest.

That night you all sat around fires, drinking in the silence like air. You were sitting across the fire from Bellamy, seeing the way the fire lit up his face as you closed your eyes.

Lincoln broke the silence, “How did you know it was Gustus?”

“He’d do anything to protect her, it made sense.” Lincoln glanced at Octavia the same time Bellamy glances at you, the thought getting to him as he watched you stare at the flames again.

Bellamy could only think about what Kane told him today, knowing that he needed to talk to you about it because it’s been eating him up all day. “Y/N, I need to ta-“

“Hey guys, listen to this!” Raven said interrupting Bellamy as he sighed and got up, you following right after him and listening to part of Jaspers rescue message before leaving, heading straight to Lexa.

“We have the alliance.” You told her as she dismissed the men she was talking to. “Time to use it. Get both your people and our people out.”

“Your people?” She asked as you dropped your gaze.

“Their people. Your people and their people.” She nodded her head ar your correction and saw Clarke started making her way over to you two before stopping and talking to air. You left Lexa and walked back to the fires, expecting everyone to still be there but all there was Lincoln and Octavia sat next to their fire. You took your original spot, looking around for Bellamy but came up empty. Resting your head in your lap you tried to drown out everyone around you. But one voice made it through.

“I know why you got arrested.” Kane said as he took seat next to you. His eyes were lined with bags and you could tell he was just beating himself up. You didn’t say anything as Octavia and Lincoln glance at you, trying to keep from overhearing but at the same time they were curious.

“Kane, you don’t have to-“

“I know it wasn’t your fault.” He put a hand on your knee and you refrained from pushing it away, knowing that you needed this as much as he did. “You were defending yourself.”

“Why didn’t you come talk to me? 8 years and no visits.” You rushed out with a wavering voice.

“I was scared. I was confused. I was-“

“Neglectful.” You finished for him as he nodded, squeezing your knee before letting go. You put your head back into your lap and tried to even your breathing. “You knew Kane. You knew my parents killed themselves and part of it was because of me. You read the letter and you still abandoned me. You didn’t want me then so you get to have me now.”

You felt like you were repeating yourself and it seemed like no matter what, Kane was just not getting the fact that you wouldn’t have turned out like this if he hadn’t abandoned you.

“I’m sorry.”

“Everyone’s sorry.” You told him, “but saying you’re sorry doesn’t make me any less damaged.” You left the fire and Kane, walking to the edge of the woods and sitting alone in the dark.

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[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Banished (Part 16)

*Not my Gif*

Summary: When the 100 was sent to the ground, Y/N Y/L/N was one of them. Having been locked up for almost 8 years, how will she react to surviving on Earth? Especially when she gets banished…

Post Date: 9-20-19

Paring: Bellamy Blake x Reader (it’s gonna get there, I promise 😉)

Word Count: 2.1K

A/N: I know this one was mainly focused on Y/N but I hope I make up for that later and it will make more sense! Also sorry for the wait on Bellamy and her but you know, I’m not really sorry! 😊

I might post another teaser on Wednesday if people want it!

~Banished Master List~

~Master Lists~

*Based off episode 2x03 of the 100 “Reapercussions”

Nothing could’ve prepared you for seeing an army of grounders in cages but your eyes never left Anya in front of you, practically cowering when she met your seething ones. Your breath shook when Clarke put her hand against the cage.

“We’re gonna get you out of here.” She assured her. You didn’t want to believe her, sure leaving someone in these cages was barbaric and cruel but it didn’t matter. Anya and her men tortured you. They tortured Murphy and if it was up to you they’d all be locked in here.

“Clarke.” You muttered making the girl look at you. Your eyes still pierced at Anya, unwavering for a second as Clarke saw what you were getting at.

“We can’t leave them. They’ll kill them.” She argued. You let out a sigh, trying to control the anger building inside of you.

“Better them than us.” Clarke ignored you, finding a crowbar and prying open the door to her cage. “We have to go!” You whispered harshly, grabbing Clarke’s arm and stopping her from working more. She gawked at you before giving the final pressure to break the door open.

“We need her. With her help we can get an alliance with the Grounders.”

“You won’t get an alliance if we’re all dead.” The door to the harvest chamber beeped when it started to open and you and Clarke froze. Anya was beginning to climb out of the cage before Clarke shoves her back in, joining her in the cramped enclosure. You knew three people couldn’t fit in there and you could see Dr. Tsing making her way past the draining body so you closed their cage door and slowly moved to the end of the aisle where you hoped she couldn’t see you.

You looked between the slots of the cage in front of you, watching the doctor pick up a bag of blood from the freezer before turning down the aisle where Anya, Clarke and you sat waiting. Crouching down, you could barely see anything before a hand moved out to touch yours on the bars. The woman inside brought her fingers to her lips, telling you to keep quiet as you nodded, trusting the grounder in front of you for absolutely no reason. Her hand shot out of the cage towards Tsing and she moaned, it was weird to see but what threw you off the most was how everyone copied, making the doctor uncomfortable and retreating back to the medical room.

“Thank you.” You whispered to the tired girl who settled back into her cage, letting her eyes close. Clarke was pulling Anya out before you ran over to them, throwing Anya’s arm over your shoulder and holding her up because you knew leaving her behind wasn’t an option anymore. Clarke ran ahead, pulling open a door that said ‘End Containment Area’ as you all filed in. You dropped Anya’s arm and clutched your stomach, trying to ignore the heavy pain passing through you as the door closed on you three.

Had you have been paying more attention, maybe you would’ve noticed the floor before it disappeared from under you.

The three of you groaned when you hit ground, and your stomach was practically throbbing in pain.

"Next time, don't open your wounds." you whispered to yourself and met Clarke's eyes. It was only then did you realize a hand was laying on your shoulder that most defiantly wasn't yours, Clarke's, or Anya's.

You grimaced and pushed the dead hand off of you, bracing yourself on the edge of the cart to join Clarke and Anya on the other side.

Clarke spotted a pile of clothes on the ground as Anya turned to look at you.

“I’m not leaving my people.” She argues while holding herself up with weak arms against the cart.

“We’ll come back for them, but you can’t help them right now without getting out of here first.” You tried to get her to understand as Clarke informed her about the guards but she just wouldn’t listen.

“There is no ‘we’.” The sound of someone shouting causes you to tense up, knowing nothing good could come out of this. “Someone’s coming.” Anya said pointing out the obvious. You stared at the tunnel where the sounds were coming from as shadows danced across the walls.

“Reapers.” You whispered before Anya tried to pick up something to fight with, receiving a scolding from Clarke before you were all jumping back into the cart of people. You closed your eyes when the Reapers dumped more barely living bodies right on top of you and pushed the cart away with you along with it.

You tried not to move as the grounders on you pushed into your stomach, making you wince every time the cart made a turn the only thing you could do was stare into Clarke’s equally afraid eyes. The cart stopped and the grounders hailed some bodies out, leaving the few of you in the cart with the rest. Clarke peaked over the cart as you pushed the grounder off of you.

“Come on. We have to go.” Clarke whispered before you sat up, realizing the man was groaning in pain. It hurt you to see him like this, even if you didn’t know him. Pushing the hair out of his face you ignored the stares of Anya and Clarke as she yells at you to go.

“Yu gonplei ste odon.” You snapped snapped the grounders neck, letting it echo in the quiet cart before you jump out. Anya watched you the entire time, curious as she observed what Lincoln had taught you about Grounder traditions.

The three of you made your way through the tunnels, trying to find any way to the outside but you couldn’t. “This place is a maze!” You shouted and came to a stop, leaning your hands on your knees to catch your breath. Your body ached from the running and you’d do anything for a quick rest but it wasn’t in your cards apparently.

“What were they doing with us?” Anya asks as Clarke looks down the tunnel, checking for Reapers.

“They’re using your blood.” You told her as she furrowed her brows, letting you straighten your breathing out. “Your bloods healing them somehow. I don’t know but someone with major burn marks apparently got all better in a matter of days.” You followed Clarkes lead, peaking around the corner side of the tunnel before Anya walked past you. “Where are you going?”

“You go your way, I’ll go mine.” She declared as you threw your arms up, letting Clarke take the lead on convincing her to stay. You didn’t care if she left or not, you only cared about getting out of here and back to- and back to no one. You clenched your jaw when Bellamy popped into your mind, you knew he had to be alive but so what if he was? You and him weren’t anything and you’d never truly allow yourself to be. You didn’t know him. And he most definitely didn’t know you. That what you had to keep telling yourself and maybe you’d believe it.

“Let’s go.” Clarke grumbled as she pushed past you, letting you realize Anya was no where to be found. You didn’t press it though. Instead you followed the leader going after Anya and looking out for Reapers as much as you could.

Neither of you said much as you walked down each tunnel, keeping the conversation to a quick ‘which way’ and nothing more, until Clarke brought up the one conversation you didn’t want to have.

“I’m sorry we closed the doors to the drop ship.” You bit your lip and nodded, putting yourself more into searching in order to ignore her, but she wouldn’t have been deterred. “You understand why we had to do it right?”

“Clarke. I don’t blame you for closeting the doors.” You assured her in a harsh tone, causing her to stop walking and stare wide eyed. You sighed, placing your hands on hips and looking at the ground. Honestly, you weren’t mad at Clarke for closing the doors, you would’ve done the same thing. What you were mad at exceeded that problem by a mile. “I’m mad because I came back and everyone treated me like I never left. They treated me like they didn’t kick me out and lock the door.”

You were mad because no one bothered to convince Clarke and Bellamy to let you stay. They only tried after you were gone, but by then the damage was already done. It was Clarke’s turn to nod her head and you scoffed, letting your emotions get the better of you. You were about to let her have it before groans filled your ears and you and Clarke took off running.

Your feet pounded against the dirt below you, scraping to a stop when the tunnel walls brought you in.

“Please, no!” Clarke pleaded as if it would’ve made a difference. You pounded on the tunnel walls,, hoping something would’ve happened but nothing. Until a high pitched screeching caused you to snap your head back, seeing heavily covered guards pointing guns towards you both and the Reapers fell to the ground. You thought they shot them at first before you realized that the sound caused them to fall.

“Clarke Griffin, Y/N Y/L/N, you’re coming with us.” One of them ordered as you and Clarke exchanged worried glances. They began to make their way to you and you stepped back to the wall, pressing your back as one of them grabbed your arm.

“No!” You yelled and shoved her fist into the side of his face, causing his to stumble back as two more guards grabbed your elbows, not letting you take another swing. You thought Clarke would’ve fought back or something but she didn’t, only trying to talk with them as they pulled you along the tunnels again. Your head hung low ignoring the possessive hands griping you no matter how hard you try and make them release.

“We know what you’re doing to them. We know everything.” Clarke argues as you take a small glance at her, hoping she’d stop talking. You knew better than to talk back when someone else is in power. She didn’t seem to catch your eyes before the guard spoke up.

“That’s why you’re going right into the harvest chamber with them.” He told you both before speaking to the people inside Mount Weather, telling them to open up. You were about to admit defeat before a cry above caused you to have hope and Anya swung in, ripping the helmets off the guards. When they started screaming out in pain and released you you tried to fight back, pulling one of their masks off before they screamed.

“The masks!” You cried out as Clarke and Anya started ripping off their masks and soon they all fell, allowing you to run away. You didn’t get far though as Anya led you to a clearing in the tunnel walls. You leaned over, catching the water colliding on the surface and Clarke shook her head.

“There has to be another way.” She shouted barely audible over the sound of rushing water. The guards round the corner and Clarke held up a fun she nabbed from the guards earlier, pointing it at them as Anya took the jump.

“Clarke, come on!” You yelled as she looked back at you, seeing the worry in your face when you glanced between her and the guard. She reluctantly put her hand down before turning into a full sprint towards the edge of the dam. You followed, not listening to the shouts of the guards as they neared you before you fell off.

The water rushed past your ears as you hit the surface, instantly getting sucked under as water infiltrated your lungs. You started to black out as you fought to the surface only for a pair of hands to wrap around your waist, hauling you to shore and letting water sputter out of your mouth.

You gasped for a breath, clenching your wrists together before opening your eyes. Clarke passed out was the first thing you saw and thought she might’ve had the same thing that happened to you happen to her but when Anya looked down at you holding a rock you knew it wasn’t like that.

“You burned 300 of my warriors and I can’t show my face without a prize.” She said before the rock made contact with your skull, knocking you out and leaving you defenseless.

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[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Drunk Punch Love 2: Chapter 1

Pairing: FemShep and Garrus Vakarian (Shakarian)

Rating: PG-13 (with some tossed F-bombs)

Summary: Their awkward, badass journey through saving the galaxy and accidentally falling in love

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22089466/chapters/54170929

Part 2- Chapter 1: Breathe Again

"Wake up, Shepard!"

As she fell through the haze of darkness and brain fog, she saw flashes of dark space, burning light, and bright blue eyes. When her eyes started to flutter open to a blindingly white lab ceiling and the loud voice sharpened until she could identify it as a woman's. Memories were starting to come back to her, and she was only more confused realizing that the last thing she knew, her lungs were popping and she was dying. On instinct, she clutched her chest, but her lungs were functioning just fine, sucking in normal air.

And based on the heart thudding in her chest, dying wasn't the case anymore.

She didn't really have the time to think about that for long, though. Between the overcom instructions and muscle memory, she basically ran like a bot on command. Anya understood she was in a Cerberus facility, and she got that yes, she did die, but they brought her back, and that this Jacob guy was way too friendly. But past that? She just shot shit and hoped it worked out. Lucky for her, some of her muscles felt even nicer than she remembered.

By the end of it, she was helping out the uncomfortably attractive Miranda person and too-friendly Jacob survive their own base. The weird part, though, was having other people all up in arms about protecting her. Because from what she could gather, the organization pumped billions of credits into her.

If she was ever asked how much weight on her back might finally break her, billions might do it.

Anya still couldn't quite wrap her head around it. Culture and firefights were her wheelhouse. Economics were not. All the numbers and metrics Miranda kept throwing just gave her dark flashbacks to when her mother abandoned her in Alliance accounting to "learn a thing or two" and she just ended up hiding in a closet.

Mostly unrelated, that's how she met her first crush, Ryel. He was also hiding from "learning a thing or two".

Honestly, Anya wasn't even sure her brain knew how to process linear time until they were back at another Cerberus base. Jacob had asked her some questions about her record and memory, but she did that on autopilot.

Hopefully she answered everything right.

When she finally felt like she could count her fingers in a row without getting distracted, she was already being thrown in front of the infamous Illusive Man.

He blabbered on about his investments and creations and all his plans for her, like any manipulative movie villain. Shepard was quick to cut him off. "What stops me from taking the resources you give me and heading straight back to the Alliance?"

Looking a little shocked, he laughed. "I can't help but admire your bluntless, however ill-advised." His fingers twined into each other as he sat on his asshole chair. Anya wished she could kick the hologram over, but she knew what that kind of look meant: a planned answer. "Let's put it this way, Shepard: you're basically walking around with a Cerberus receipt on your back. Go back to the Alliance, too up in their own asses getting defensive instead of offensive, and you'll be grounded until they decide you're not a spy. I'll give you much more flexibility, as long as you take my concessions."

"And what are those?"

"Use my ships, my people, my contacts. Hunt down the Collectors. Pull together dossiers that I suggest and you like. Do whatever you want, just make sure to send reports back to me."

"So I don't have to follow your dumbass orders?"

"Unfortunately, you seem most effective on your own." It was at least a little satisfying that he seemed genuinely annoyed by that fact. Guy might be an asshole, but a pragmatic one. "As much as your ideology and attitude pain me, Shepard, you are the best shot humanity has. Backing you is the only option."

"Understood." Shepard paused, not sure if she wanted to bring up the people that mattered most to her in front of him. But when it came to saving lives, she needed to factor them into the equation. "Any of these dossiers for my old teammates? People I trust?"

"Wrex and Tali are tied up with their people. Kaidan is an Alliance boy, through and through. T'soni is deliberately elusive, and Vakarian has gone dark. But I do have one surprise for you."

Anya's heart had already stopped dead at the thought of Garrus being MIA, but there had to be more to it. He had to be alright. Cerberus was a shady organization with a wealth of information. "Gone dark" couldn't be it. Maybe they had a few clues and, if they passed them along, she could find him. After all this, she couldn't come back to a galaxy without those bright blue eyes in it. Her favorite, dumb turian had to be somewhere and she had to be able to find out where. She opened her mouth and said, "Wait-"

But the Illusive Man gave her a wave and the most irritating smirk she'd ever seen in her life. "We'll talk again soon enough, Shepard." And then he disappeared, leaving the room an empty, black square.

She was ready to shoot his dumb face for cutting her off. While Anya knew that really wasn't an option, she at least kicked her foot at the ground like she kicked his stupid chair out from under him. It was marginally satisfying.

But most of all, she was mad because regardless if Garrus was missing, he was fucking right about the Alliance. She needed to get shit done, not get stuck in bureaucracy. Bastard had her under his thumb. For now.

All her violent thoughts went silent, though, when she walked out to see someone she'd never expect in a Cerberus uniform.

Chronic lean and annoying smile in tow, Joker said, "about time you dragged your ass out of the grave."

Anya didn't mean to, but she pulled him into her arms and hugged him, tight. It was the first time anything in this new reality of hers felt real. He groaned under her grip. Anya released his shoulders, hoping she didn't break anything. After everything, seeing him... It was so refreshing she had to hold on tight. She said, "Sorry! Sorry. How are you...?"

"Cerberus said they were rebuilding you and my baby. And Alliance didn't feel right without you. How the hell could I say no?"

Overall she still wasn't sure how she felt about Joker in a Cerberus uniform, but it didn't matter. Everything about this moment was overwhelming, and after hours of dazed autopilot, it all hit her. She lost two years, lost time with the people she loved, and now she was back and at least Joker was still here. Anya didn't mean to, but her eyes welled up with tears. "It's so good to see you."

"Hell, Shep. Don't think I've ever seen you cry." What he said was a joke, but Joker put a hand on her shoulder.

Regaining composure, on instinct Shepard shrugged his hand off. But the second she did, she grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. It felt so wrong to push him away, knowing she'd lost him. And if it wasn't for Cerberus, it would've been forever. "This rebooted body comes with a lot of surprises." In her head, she kept replaying every second here with him, trying to notice any possible differences in his face, voice, demeanor. She couldn't help but notice he seemed a little seriouser, even if his humor didn't show it. But then something he said came back to her, and she raised an eyebrow. "Wait, what did you say about your baby?"

He smirked. "Come with me."

Anya followed him down a few halls until they were in front of a huge docking window. She didn't mean to stop breathing, but right in front of her-

"The Normandy. Good as new, eh? With some new Cerberus features. Chairs are nicer, but the crew still isn't mine yet. Having my family there will make it better." Joker leaned on the railing and looked right at her. "Leaving the Alliance wasn't easy, but if it meant having you and my ship? There wasn't any other option." Grumbling, he also added, "Anyway, they grounded me for way too long after the funeral."

His jokes slid right past her consciousness. Instead, Anya was just staring at the ship that changed her life; the one she called home. It was different, but it was hers. That wasn't some easy thing to swallow. Hell, none of this was easy to swallow. "Oh my god. I still can't believe you're Cerberus. What did my mother say about you doing this?"

"You think I have a death wish? No, I delayed that suffering. As far as Oksana knows, I went on a trip and fell off the grid. If I'm lucky, she'll just think I went on a bender."

"Christ. Mama bear's going to kill you."

Joker scoffed and bumped Shepard's shoulder. With so much new tissue in her body, it almost felt alien. But the memories? They made sure Anya knew that she just got some of her family back. He countered, "Me? Talk about yourself, zombie commander."

"Maybe we seek forgiveness once this blows over, not ask permission."

"Sounds good enough to me."

Trying to stay casual, Anya kept all her stunned staring to a minimum. But she did admit to him how important seeing him was, in her own way. She wasn't the best with saying what she should. She just hoped it was enough. "I'm happy to see a familiar face. None of this felt... Real."

"I know, right?" Joker rolled his shoulders, and she wondered who'd been bandaging his shoulders or keeping an eye out for him the past two years. He didn't need it, per se, but it was apart of who she was with him. It made her chest ache, knowing how his routines changed because she got herself killed. Who did he go to when he got drunk? Or was he just alone now?

Joker himself interrupted her thoughts. "These Cerberus guys don't tell me anything. Are we getting any of the old team?"

If her heart wasn't caving in enough about Joker, what the Illusive Man said about Tali, Kaidan, Garrus... It all hit her like a thundering pack of Varren. Anya shook her head at him. "No one. A lot has changed in two years. It looks like it's just you and me this time, spearheading a new crew."

"I haven't seen most of them since the funeral. None of us were the same, after that." She watched his shoulders sag, a weight and responsibility she'd never seen on him. He stood up straight and said, refusing to meet her eyes, "Anya, I'm-"

"Don't." Leaning her head on his shoulder, she added, "I would do it again in a heartbeat."

Sighing, Joker flashed her a smile that didn't seem all that real, but she still appreciated it. "Ready to save the Galaxy again?"

"Nope. But we're going to do it anyway."

"Sounds about right."

///

I so very much my best girl Anya Shepard. I love the strong badass and awkward middle school ballerina wrapped up on one. Time for her to get back to saving the galaxy, friends!

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! And extra thanks to my lovely patrons:

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[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Drunk Punch Love 2: Chapter 4

Pairing: FemShep and Garrus Vakarian (Shakarian)

Rating: PG-13 (with some tossed F-bombs)

Summary: Their awkward, badass journey through saving the galaxy and accidentally falling in love

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22089466/chapters/54170929

Part 2- Chapter 4: The Turian in Med-Bay

When Anya woke up, she wasn't in med-bay anymore. That gave her a nice bout of cardiac arrest. However, it only took a few seconds of staring at shades of black and white to realize she was just across the deck, in Miranda's pristine office.

And sitting at her desk was the aforementioned liaison.

As she started sitting up, Miranda swung her chair around and gave Anya a very concerned set of thick eyebrows. "Shepard, I don't normally try to pry into anyone's personal lives, but..."

This was bullshit. Anya was going to get out of here, walk over to med bay, and go back to Garrus. Last she remembered, she was sitting at Chakwas' desk, waiting for him to get out of surgery behind a large white curtain. She needed to be back there, whatever time it was, because she'd left him for long enough and she couldn't stay away just because some pretty Cerberus agent wanted to police who the fuck she was.

She was Anya fucking Shepard, and she didn't abandon her team. What the fuck did Miranda even know about her, anyway?

But then Anya saw her sweats on the side table and she gave Miranda a little more credit. The way her shoulder shrieked when she tried to touch it also slowed her down a bit.

Swallowing, she shimmied on the sweats while sitting and asked, "But what?"

Miranda walked over from her chair and sat down next to Anya. "All accounts made it clear you were close to your team. But when we evacuated that apartment, you wouldn't even let me look at your bruises. And before we reached Archangel, you lost your head about his identity. I need to ask: what is your relationship with him?"

When she started talking, Shepard was already prepared to answer about her mission objectivity when it came to him, which she could back up with the entirety of the Saren mission. However, that wasn't what Miranda said. She was thrown by it.

Anya went to let her hair down, but realized her bun was already ruined by the bed. She just detangled the ties and pins left in her mess of locks. Then she got to do a run-through with her fingers, calming her down a little. While she didn't feel comfortable baring her tragic turian crush to Miranda, she could at least give her most of the facts. "On our mission with Saren, Garrus became my best friend. My confidant. He pushed me to be my best and I relied on that. I resigned myself to getting used to a new team here, but finding him-" Taking a deep breath, Anya got to the admission. "He was one of the people who evacuated the Normandy when the Collectors attacked. I told him I'd find him, but I didn't. I fucking died. I abandoned him for two years. I couldn't let him die, too, after all that. But more selfishly? I haven't felt myself since I woke up. Just a few seconds with him, though, and I was Commander Anya Shepard again. I couldn't lose that, not when everything about me feels so incorporeal."

With her slightly too perceptive eyebrows, Miranda asked, "Is that all you were?"

Remembering the morning after Noveria, Anya winced. "Yes."

"Okay." Across from her, Miranda looked very hesitant, but after a few awkward fakeouts, she patted Shepard's hand with her own. If she wasn't so tense and stressed about a certain turian, she would've laughed. But the way Miranda patted her, like she was an alien object, did make her chuckle under her breath. When she stopped trying to physically comfort her, Miranda said, "I understand none of this has been easy, Shepard. We never planned to wake you up like this. It was supposed to be a longer adjustment period. But with the attack and The Collectors escalating their raids-"

Anya stared at the empty, pointed corner of the ceiling. She knew where this speech went. Since Akuze, she'd heard it over and over. "The galaxy needs Commander Shepard back." Standing on her own, Anya crossed her arms and looked down at Miranda. The young woman definitely meant well, much better than she expected out of Cerberus. But that didn't change things. "I appreciate the concern, Miranda, but I'm not going to fuck over the galaxy for him. I just want to keep him alive."

Those eyebrows furrowed again, and Miranda stood up and opened her mouth to rebute, but a knock on the door caught both their attention. In the doorway, with her hands now behind her back, Chakwas said, "Sorry to interrupt, ladies, but my patient's awake. And he wants to see Shepard."

Glancing back at Miranda, Anya shrugged. No matter how totally fun this judgy conversation was, she made her priorities clear. And a hurt Garrus trumped invasive Cerberus liaison every day.

Anya gave Miranda and Chakwas respectful nods before leaving the room. She tucked her hands in her pockets and tried to ignore the full damn Rachni stampede going on in between her lungs and intestines. When she started walking she was moving fast, but each step got harder.

It was easy to do surface level shit on Omega. She wasn't sure what awaited her in the med-bay.

What if Garrus hated her, after what she did?After all, she was pretty sure out of everyone, he was the one who knew she was well aware of her odds when she walked up those stairs. Depending on how things went these past two years, maybe he had every right to.

But she also cared more about the friend she missed, who took a damn rocket to his face, than her own dumb insecurities.

Taking a slow, deep breath, the kind you feel all the way to your toes, she walked through the door and there he was. He was leaning back against a bed, even looked annoyed by it. But instead of a blood halo around his face, he just had a new, jagged scar covering his right cheek.

One step in, and his head flicked over to her. He gave her this slow, warm smile. All her worst fears melted away. "Shepard." He said her name like it was the last line to his favorite movie. The rest of the steps towards him were easy.

Resting her hands on the edge of the med-bed, centimeters from his own, she smiled back. "Welcome back to the Normandy."

"I see that." His eyes flicked around the room and she knew that look. She'd been giving the entire ship those surreal scans of every inch, because they all still felt like memories. But then his eyes flicked to hers. That surreal look didn't leave his face when he stared at her.

Garrus asked, "Chakwas hasn't given me a mirror, tell me, how bad is it?"

Anya almost breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't sure if she was ready for them to get all deep with their conversations yet. Right now, it was just nice to hear his voice. Responding in kind, she smirked. "Hate to tell you Garrus, but you never were a classic beauty. Slap some face paint and no one will notice."

His laugh might've been even nicer than his voice. But then he winced. Anya's hand instinctively reached for him, but he shook his head. "Ouch. Don't make me laugh too hard." After a few cautious breaths, he managed his classic smirk. She didn't realize how much she liked seeing it. "Anyway, some women are into the whole scar thing. Granted, most of those women are krogan."

When she laughed, it felt like she was trying out a new muscle. Apparently she hadn't been laughing enough in this updated body. "I don't think Wrex is in a place to find you a wife."

"All my hopes and dreams, ruined." Before she could be properly prepared, he placed his hand on hers. Anya felt that laugh drop out from under her. All she wanted to do was look in his eyes and listen. His fingers squeezed hers. "I can't believe it's you. We're talking like you didn't suffocate in the vacuum of space and that's really damn weird, right?"

Garrus was making all her insides feel different things, but she wasn't sure the memory of her own death was a very positive one. Her hand clenched under his and she stared at it, like she was crushing her own chest with her hand. "I know. I still can't really wrap my head around it. I felt my lungs pop and everything." When she looked up, his face had darkened in a way she'd never seen before. "Too graphic?"

"No. Just reminds me how much I wanted to kill Kaidan for leaving you."

"Garrus, he-"

Pulling his hand from hers, Garrus shook his head. His whole body rippled with a rage she'd never seen before. She knew he had a lot of angst and frustration back in the day, but nothing like this. Garrus said, "He was with Joker, and chose to run down and see you instead of protect the pilot and evacuate him when necessary. He knew exactly what he was doing."

Anya didn't really want to think of who to blame. Especially since she made the call, at the end of the day. "If it wasn't the Collectors, it would've been something else."

"I know. But it's hard to live with the fact I knew how much danger you were in and I let you walk away. If I blame myself, I'm gonna blame them, too."

Thinking of Joker a deck above, she knew it wasn't that easy. That whole day was... Well, they weren't prepared and it was a miracle so many people survived in the first place. Anya went to open her mouth, try to say something, but the intercom interrupted her. "Shep, Illusive Man wants to talk to you."

Her skin rippled with irritated pin needles. "Well tell him to fuck off, Joker."

"I don't think he operates on Council channels. He says he'll link himself into the room if you don't."

"Fuck."

Next to her, Garrus said, "Do what you need to do. I'll be here."

"But Garrus, we've barely talked-"

"I know, we have a lot to talk about. We can do that later, though."

Anya sighed. Their serious conversation always seemed to get interrupted, didn't they? Next time, she'll have to tell EDI to kill the comms until they were done. Standing, she said, "You leave this ship while I'm gone and I'll hunt you down all over again."

"Now don't you start making a breakout sound tempting." He chuckled, but then did another wincing cough. The cough gave her some pause, but he waved her away. Anya couldn't budge, even though she knew she probably should. Rolling his eyes, he said, "Seriously, get out of here before you make me pop a lung, too."

She knew she was prolonging her exit, but the rocket-to-the-face still left shockwaves of concern thrumming through her chest. "Get better, Garrus."

"I'm already a lot better than where you found me."

And she didn't need to be told twice to walk away from that, because that made her cheeks feel a little warm and she didn't have the time to explain.

Damn the Illusive Man for taking her away from all the confusing feelings in med-bay. Back in the day, she'd be happy to run. But now? She wished she could stay and try to figure it out.

So, lucky for the hologram asshole himself, she was going to say hi with more annoyed flair today.

Walking into the meeting room, she stuffed her hands in her pockets and said, "I'm ready, Joker."

Around her, the space turned dark and she was standing in front of that chair with a pretty displeased looking Cerberus leader. Anya could get down with that, pissing him off. She relaxed her shoulders and asked, "What'd I do this time?"

"Caused a power vacuum in Omega the size of a small moon. Extracting him didn't mean killing everyone in sight, Shepard. I thought you were Alliance."

"Oh no, I definitely needed to kill them all."

"Don't let your personal feelings get in the way of the mission."

"Worry not, your Miss Lawson already got that covered."

"Just pull your new team together, ASAP. The Collectors won't wait for sentiment." "What are you wearing?"

"Sweats. The Collectors won't wait for fashion." The statement only seemed to annoyed him further, but he didn't have a rebuttal prepared. "Is that all?"

"Head to the prison ship, Shepard, and do the job everyone needs you to do."

"Got it. Bye." Shutting off the call, she let all the self-inflated dickry that she pumped up for the call blow away. Instead, the weight of everything just sunk down onto her chest, like it always did. Sarcastically, she added, "Like I don't know by now that the galaxy's at stake."

Before she told Joker to head out, she had one thing to settle. The call was quicker than she expected, so she went down the elevator and booked it to med-bay. However, the second she got close, she saw Garrus through the glass, passed out. When she got close, Chakwas was already in the way. "I assumed you'd be back. Garrus has been sedated. He needs some forced rest for a few days. God knows that man isn't good at doing it willingly."

Anya exhaled, encasing her disappointment in layers of duty. She didn't have time to talk about her feelings right now, anyway. She had dossiers.

But if anyone asked her if The Illusive Man said anything right, she'd vehemently deny it. Mostly because of his asshole chair; it said way too much about how much of a jerk he was.

Nodding, Shepard patted Chakwas' shoulder. "Thanks, doc. Take care of him."

"I will."

Back up to the command deck, Anya pushed thoughts of Garrus away and met up with Joker in the cockpit. "Drive this hunk of metal to a prison ship."

Joker didn't seem too pleased with her cranky vernacular. "Apologize to my baby before you put her in that kind of danger."

"Fine. Sorry, Normandy. Now please take her to the grizzled, heavily armed, terrifying prison ship."

"I don't think that's better." He paused for a second, before asking what she already knew he'd ask. "I take it the reunion with Mister stick-up his ass wasn't great? Granted, seems his MO now is taking that stick out and beating people with it."

"I don't know yet."

"Ominous."

The smooth voice of the robotic co-pilot interrupted them. "Is it a turian custom to have sticks up their rectum?" Shepard blinked at EDI, since that wasn't what she expected out of an AI. "Jeff keeps mentioning it every time he talks about Garrus Vakarian."

Shepard whacked the back of the pilot's head. "Get a new joke."

"Don't make this about me. This is about you, cranky-sweats."

Anya sighed. "EDI, ignore Joker's nonsensical insults. I'll teach you better ones." But then she got real with her pseudo-family, because if she wasn't at least a little honest with him, she doubted she'd survive the turmoil. "And when it comes to Garrus, I'm not quite sure what my death did to him."

"Well, dude was a wreck at the funeral. After what happened to him on Omega? Can't blame him for being a little fucked up."

"I know."

Joker swiveled around his chair and said, "But I also know he cares a shit ton about you. I don't think some mercs or even you being a zombie will change that."

"Thanks, Joker." Anya patted his shoulder and flexed her eyebrows. "Now time for the prison ship?"

Turning back around, Joker groaned, "Dammit. Fine."

And off they were. Until Garrus was back up and running, the best she could do was do her job. Even if that meant she'd keep worrying about him in the back of her mind.

Old habits die hard, and the way Garrus' face looked right now made them really easy to stumble back into.

///

Author's Note:

So excited to get the band back together and really enjoy the awesomeness of Mass Effect 2 in my own way. It's my favorite of the series, and was my first ME game, so I'm hyped.

But at the end of the day, we're all just happy our favorite turian is okay. 

Thank you so much for reading, and extra special, ice cream sundae thanks to my patrons:

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