#Support physical and mental performance

[daniel-rum19]

[aro-culture-is]

quick note - this blog is gonna be sparse again for at least this week. trying new medications and tbh initial side effects are not super pleasant + actual effects build up. as a result: currently as if unmedicated for mental health, with anxiety+ side effect, extra fatigue, dizziness, and fatigue. it's uh, sure something.

totally recognize that most of y'all know we're absent at times due to health things, just wanted to give a heads up that this one is at least anticipated.

[hayanahed]

Emergency: Help Evacuate My Family From GAZA WAR

Dear Humanity,

I'm Haya from Gaza , from a family of 8 people: my parents, two sons, and four daughters (two of them suffer from allergies).

I've witnessed the evidence of the tragedy that has struck our lives in Gaza, where my family and I have survived amidst numerous previous wars. But today, we face the most dangerous and fierce battle in the current war. The urgent need intensifies for us, as we have nothing left and are unable to secure our basic needs such as food, water, and safe shelter.

Here is our story - On October 7th, our lives changed forever, my family and I evacuated from northern Gaza to southern Gaza, hoping to return soon, but it wasn't meant to be. Our home was surrounded, burned, and then completely destroyed, Our home, once a fortress of hope, now lay in ruins, a stark reminder of our shattered dreams.

The night before we left from the north to the south was terrifying. Shelling sounds were everywhere, making a loud noise that felt like it went through our souls. Every explosions shook the ground like earthquakes, sending shockwaves of fear through our trembling bodies. filling us with fear. The air smelled of destruction and blood, making it hard to breathe. When dawn came, we saw the devastation around us, realizing our home was now a symbol of loss and despair.

We ran into the streets and with each step we took into the unknown streets, we felt as if we were plunging deeper into the abyss of our shattered existence, leaving behind everything we own in our home: Clothes, important official documents, the car, and literally it's almost everything - the enormity of our loss weighed heavily upon us.

Our home it was where we found hope, safety, and made precious memories. Losing it felt like losing years of our lives, leaving us adrift amidst the wreckage of our shattered existence.

A brief video depicting the devastation that struck our home and our entire neighborhood in Gaza.

Desperate Plea: Escaping Gaza's Allergy Nightmare

I, Haya, suffer from severe allergy to penicillin-derived medications, and my sister, Amal, also suffers from severe allergies to medications from my family such as Paracetamol and Ibuprofen.

These allergies create a deep sense of fear and anxiety for us, as we live in a constant state of tension and fear of anything that may require a visit to the hospital. We fear being given inappropriate medications due to the unavailability of suitable treatments in Gaza because of war or lack of awareness and not informing the doctor of our allergies, which could lead to serious consequences threatening our lives.

MY Father Income

Our dreams are heading towards oblivion in the labyrinth of an uncertain future

My story, along with my siblings, represents a united team of four individuals, three of whom are skilled programmers and one graphic designer. We work as freelancers in the world of freelancing.

As for my younger sister, she is a student studying at the College of Architecture. She has always carried a big dream in her heart, a dream of being part of changing Gaza, of making it more beautiful and better. She looked forward to the day when she would receive her degree and start building this dream. But the beginning of the war changed everything. The destruction of infrastructure and universities cast shadows of despair over her dreams.

When I think of my brother in Belgium, I can't help but feel deep sadness. He has been suffering from unbearable anxiety and insomnia since the outbreak of the war. Sleep eludes him at night, and his physical and mental health collapses under the weight of these heavy burdens, negatively affecting his performance at work. Problems and challenges pile up in front of him without the slightest opportunity for rest.

We all feel psychological pressure and extreme anxiety. The war hasn't been limited to external attacks but has deeply infiltrated our daily lives. We search among the rubble for a little safety and the basic resources for survival. Every day comes with a new challenge that we must overcome.

As we sway amidst the rubble of shattered dreams, our souls wrestle and our hearts beat strongly challenging the ravages of war.

Our parents earnestly seek a way to rescue us from this hell, feeling the heavy responsibility for every moment we spend under the shadows of fear and destruction. They dream of a safe place where they can build for us a better future, filled with security and hope, for we deserve life in all its meanings of comfort and peace.

Perhaps this fundraising campaign represents a light in the midst of darkness, it is indeed the only hope we cling to firmly.

I appeal to the world as a whole to hear my cry and the mournful cry of my family in Gaza. We need the helping hand that reaches out to wipe our tears and build a bridge to safety.

Your donation is not just a donation; it's an opportunity to rebuild life and brighten a better tomorrow. Be part of our hopeful story, for we need your hand to start anew.

The purpose of the fundraising campaign

The goal of this fundraising campaign is to rescue my family - my parents, my siblings, and me - through the Rafah Crossing to Egypt, which currently requires $5000 per person. This campaign is our only chance to stay alive, and I humbly request your assistance at this critical time. I will provide you with a comprehensive breakdown of the expenses, committing to transparency and clarity.

All of our important links are here https://linktr.ee/hayanahed

Verified by :

⭐️ operation olive branch, number 26 on their spreadsheet. (On Master list)

⭐️ Project watermelon,line 249 on their spreadsheet. Or you could see it as number 212 here is the photo for more clear proof

Thank you for your kindness and support.

.جزاكم الله خيراً

yours sincerely;

Haya Alshawish.

[drdemonprince]

The data does not support the assumption that all burned out people can “recover.” And when we fully appreciate what burnout signals in the body, and where it comes from on a social, economic, and psychological level, it should become clear to us that there’s nothing beneficial in returning to an unsustainable status quo. 

The term “burned out” is sometimes used to simply mean “stressed” or “tired,” and many organizations benefit from framing the condition in such light terms. Short-term, casual burnout (like you might get after one particularly stressful work deadline, or following final exams) has a positive prognosis: within three months of enjoying a reduced workload and increased time for rest and leisure, 80% of mildly burned-out workers are able to make a full return to their jobs. 

But there’s a lot of unanswered questions lurking behind this happy statistic. For instance, how many workers in this economy actually have the ability to take three months off work to focus on burnout recovery? What happens if a mildly burnt-out person does not get that rest, and has to keep toiling away as more deadlines pile up? And what is the point of returning to work if the job is going to remain as grueling and uncontrollable as it was when it first burned the worker out? 

Burnout that is not treated swiftly can become far more severe. Clinical psychologist and burnout expert Arno van Dam writes that when left unattended (or forcibly pushed through), mild burnout can metastasize into clinical burnout, which the International Classification of Diseases defines as feelings of energy depletion, increased mental distance, and a reduced sense of personal agency. Clinically burned-out people are not only tired, they also feel detached from other people and no longer in control of their lives, in other words.

Unfortunately, clinical burnout has quite a dismal trajectory. Multiple studies by van Dam and others have found that clinical burnout sufferers may require a year or more of rest following treatment before they can feel better, and that some of burnout’s lingering effects don’t go away easily, if at all. 

In one study conducted by Anita Eskildsen, for example, burnout sufferers continued to show memory and processing speed declines one year after burnout. Their cognitive processing skills improved slightly since seeking treatment, but the experience of having been burnt out had still left them operating significantly below their non-burned-out peers or their prior self, with no signs of bouncing back. 

It took two years for subjects in one of van Dam’s studies to return to “normal” levels of involvement and competence at work. following an incident of clinical burnout. However, even after a multi-year recovery period they still performed worse than the non-burned-out control group on a cognitive task designed to test their planning and preparation abilities. Though they no longer qualified as clinically burned out, former burnout sufferers still reported greater exhaustion, fatigue, depression, and distress than controls.

In his review of the scientific literature, van Dam reports that anywhere from 25% to 50% of clinical burnout sufferers do not make a full recovery even four years after their illness. Studies generally find that burnout sufferers make most of their mental and physical health gains in the first year after treatment, but continue to underperform on neuropsychological tests for many years afterward, compared to control subjects who were never burned out. 

People who have experienced burnout report worse memories, slower reaction times, less attentiveness, lower motivation, greater exhaustion, reduced work capability, and more negative health symptoms, long after their period of overwork has stopped. It’s as if burnout sufferers have fallen off their previous life trajectory, and cannot ever climb fully back up. 

And that’s just among the people who receive some kind of treatment for their burnout and have the opportunity to rest. I found one study that followed burned-out teachers for seven years and reported over 14% of them remained highly burnt-out the entire time. These teachers continued feeling depersonalized, emotionally drained, ineffective, dizzy, sick to their stomachs, and desperate to leave their jobs for the better part of a decade. But they kept working in spite of it (or more likely, from a lack of other options), lowering their odds of ever healing all the while. 

Van Dam observes that clinical burnout patients tend to suffer from an excess of perseverance, rather than the opposite: “Patients with clinical burnout…report that they ignored stress symptoms for several years,” he writes. “Living a stressful life was a normal condition for them. Some were not even aware of the stressfulness of their lives, until they collapsed.”

Instead of seeking help for workplace problems or reducing their workload, as most people do, clinical burnout sufferers typically push themselves through unpleasant circumstances and avoid asking for help. They’re also less likely to give up when placed under frustrating circumstances, instead throttling the gas in hopes that their problems can be fixed with extra effort. They become hyperactive, unable to rest or enjoy holidays, their bodies wired to treat work as the solution to every problem. It is only after living at this unrelenting pace for years that they tumble into severe burnout. 

Among both masked Autistics and overworked employees, the people most likely to reach catastrophic, body-breaking levels of burnout are the people most primed to ignore their own physical boundaries for as long as possible. Clinical burnout sufferers work far past the point that virtually anyone else would ask for help, take a break, or stop caring about their work.

And when viewed from this perspective, we can see burnout as the saving grace of the compulsive workaholic —���and the path to liberation for the masked disabled person who has nearly killed themselves trying to pass as a diligent worker bee. 

I wrote about the latest data on burnout "recovery," and the similarities and differences between Autistic burnout and conventional clinical burnout. The full piece is free to read or have narrated to you in the Substack app at drdevonprice.substack.com

[plutonianeris]

Juno in your birth chart

Juno in the Houses

Juno in the 1st House: You’re drawn to partners who exude independence and assertiveness. These people don’t hesitate to let you know their intentions, and you’ll likely meet them through personal initiatives—whether that’s hitting the gym or taking a leadership role. Conversations with this partner may revolve around ambitious goals or mutual passions. You might bond over stories about how they took charge of a situation, leaving you inspired by their sheer confidence.

Juno in the 2nd House: Security is key for you, both financial and emotional, and you’re likely to find a partner who values these just as much. You may meet them in a bank, an art gallery, or even while shopping for something luxurious. Conversations here would focus on shared visions for building a stable life. You might talk about investment strategies, or share dreams of a beautifully decorated home, with an unspoken understanding of each other’s need for stability and comfort.

Juno in the 3rd House: Intellect and communication are your sweet spots. You’ll likely encounter your future partner in a bookstore, café, or even an online chat. You’ll be drawn to how effortlessly they debate or exchange ideas. Expect conversations that veer into deep, philosophical discussions, playful intellectual banter, or conversations about the latest book you’re both reading. The attraction here is mental as much as it is physical.

Juno in the 4th House:Family and emotional depth play a major role in your relationships. Your lover may appear through family connections or in a cozy, homey setting. You might have long, heartwarming conversations over homemade meals, talking about your dreams of creating a home, or sharing personal family traditions. They make you feel comfortable and secure, and discussions often revolve around building an emotionally supportive environment.

Juno in the 5th House: Fun and creativity are what draw you to a partner. You’re likely to meet them at a party, concert, or while engaging in creative hobbies. Expect exciting, spontaneous conversations—whether it’s discussing a new art project, a recent performance, or an adventure you both want to embark on. Their passion for life is infectious, and you might bond over the joy of living in the moment, with laughter filling the air.

Juno in the 6th House: You are drawn to practical, down-to-earth partners who thrive on routine and service. You may meet them at work, the gym, or even a volunteer event. Conversations here are practical and grounded, revolving around shared daily routines or health goals. You might talk about meal prep ideas, organizational systems, or simply how you can support each other’s growth in everyday life.

Juno in the 7th House: Balance and harmony are central to your relationships. You’re attracted to partners who complement your strengths and weaknesses. You might meet them in social settings or through mutual partnerships. Conversations will flow easily as they seem to intuitively understand your needs. You’ll often discuss how to create a more harmonious life together, how you balance each other out, or even future plans for partnership—be it in love or business.

Juno in the 8th House: Relationships for you are intense and transformative. You’re likely to meet your lover in mysterious, private settings—maybe through financial dealings or in a deep, emotionally charged moment. Expect conversations that dive straight into the core of your being. You’ll talk about your deepest desires, fears, and transformative experiences, feeling a profound connection in their presence. The chemistry will be palpable.

Juno in the 9th House: You crave adventure and intellectual expansion in relationships. You’re likely to meet your partner while traveling, at a lecture, or through a shared spiritual interest. Conversations with them will feel like journeys, exploring everything from philosophy to cultural differences. You’ll bond over debates about the meaning of life, travel stories, or dreams of exploring the world together.

Juno in the 10th House: Ambition and status play a big role in your relationships. You may meet your partner in a professional setting, perhaps through a mentor or an influential figure. Conversations will often revolve around career goals, long-term ambitions, or how you can elevate each other’s status. There will be a mutual respect for each other’s drive, and you’ll feel that you’re both working toward building a life of success and recognition.

Juno in the 11th House: Friendship and shared ideals are the foundation of your partnerships. You’re likely to meet your lover in group settings, through a social cause, or via mutual friends. Your conversations will often center around your shared vision for the future—discussing humanitarian causes, social movements, or innovative ideas for making the world a better place. This relationship is grounded in a shared sense of purpose.

Juno in the 12th House: You seek deep, spiritual connections, often meeting partners in quiet, secluded places like retreats or hospitals, or even during meditative moments. Conversations here will touch on the mystical and the karmic, with both of you feeling like your meeting was destined. You’ll talk about dreams, spirituality, and past life connections, feeling an almost otherworldly bond with each other.

Juno in the Signs

Juno in Aries: You’re drawn to bold, assertive partners who take the lead. Expect conversations full of energy and excitement, talking about their latest daring project or a thrilling experience they had. They’ll likely inspire you to be more adventurous, and together you’ll plan exciting endeavors, sparking each other’s passion.

Juno in Taurus: Your ideal partner is grounded, sensual, and steady. Conversations will focus on life’s simple pleasures—discussing the best wine, the perfect meal, or dreams of a beautiful home. You’ll talk about how to cultivate a luxurious, comfortable life together, with an appreciation for the finer things.

Juno in Gemini: Intellectual compatibility is key for you. You’ll have lively, rapid-fire conversations with a partner who keeps you on your toes. Expect witty exchanges, playful debates, and shared interests in topics like books, current events, or anything that piques both your curiosity.

Juno in Cancer: You’re drawn to nurturing, emotionally available partners. Conversations with them will often feel warm and supportive, revolving around family, home life, or your emotional needs. They’ll make you feel safe, and you’ll often talk about how to create a nurturing environment together.

Juno in Leo: You’re attracted to charismatic, creative partners who light up a room. Expect lively discussions filled with stories of their latest dramatic escapades, creative projects, or how they plan to conquer the world. You’ll enjoy being their audience and cheering them on, as they bring joy and excitement into your life.

Juno in Virgo: Practicality and reliability are what draw you in. Conversations with your partner will likely be about how to improve daily routines, tackle challenges with careful planning, or focus on health and wellbeing. You’ll appreciate their analytical mind and how they pay attention to details that make life smoother.

Juno in Libra:You seek a partner who brings balance and beauty into your life. Conversations will often touch on aesthetics, relationships, or creating a peaceful life together. You’ll find yourself drawn into their graceful way of navigating the world, admiring their ability to harmonize their surroundings.

Juno in Scorpio: You desire deep, intense connections. Conversations with your partner will be passionate and probing, often diving into taboo subjects or discussing transformative life experiences. You’ll both feel the pull of emotional intensity and the magnetism that draws you closer.

Juno in Sagittarius:Your partner will excite you with their adventurous spirit and philosophical mind. Expect conversations about travel plans, cultural explorations, or big-picture philosophies. Together, you’ll explore the world and each other’s minds, always keeping things light-hearted but deeply meaningful.

Juno in Capricorn: You’re attracted to someone responsible, ambitious, and disciplined. Conversations will likely revolve around career goals, long-term plans, and strategies for achieving success. Together, you’ll plan for the future, discussing ways to build a stable, successful life.

Juno in Aquarius: You’re drawn to partners who are unique, innovative, and forward-thinking. Conversations will be about ideas for social change, futuristic visions, or technology’s role in improving life. You’ll both enjoy brainstorming ways to break the mold and create a better future.

Juno in Pisces: A compassionate, dreamy partner is what appeals to you. Conversations will often be about spirituality, creative dreams, or emotional connections. There’s a sense of otherworldly understanding between you, as if you’re both communicating on a deeper, more intuitive level.

[ohposhers]

★POPZONE AU★

AU Idea made by and belongs to @bulliestrolls im just moral support and he never uploaded it so it's my job to upload his AUs for him cause he is on break rn ooo go give him love

So the Popzone AU is pretty much the idea that Brozone decides to do a Reunion tour after the events of Trolls 3 both for nostalgia (before JD fucked shit up) and so Branch actually gets to experience performing with his brothers in concert without it ending in disaster Only issue is due to the mental and physical abuse he endured during his captivity Floyd is too physically fucked and terminally fatigued to perform properly or for extended periods of time SO ★THEY ALL DECIDE TO HAVE POPPY FILL IN FOR HIM AS THE PINK BITCH OF THE GROUP WOOHOO★

I'm not gonna go into detail about the AU cause that's Bully's job when his gay ass comes back from break I just wanted to make some unofficial shitposts and concept art, if you want to know more about the AU go spam Bully with asks and shit ;)) Anyway Poppy getting way too enthusiastic about being a Brozone Bro so she cuts her hair cause i said so

[This AU only works if we all collectively agree that the whole Kismet end scene never happened (Floyd being fine enough to perform, Branch asking Poppy to join the band, etc) its not real you never saw it and neither did i ok]

[reasonsforhope]

"Millions of Australians just got official permission to ignore their bosses outside of working hours, thanks to a new law enshrining their "right to disconnect."

The law doesn't strictly prohibit employers from calling or messaging their workers after hours. But it does protect employees who "refuse to monitor, read or respond to contact or attempted contact outside their working hours, unless their refusal is unreasonable," according to the Fair Work Commission, Australia's workplace relations tribunal.

That includes outreach from their employer, as well as other people "if the contact or attempted contact is work-related."

The law, which passed in February, took effect on Monday [August 26, 2024] for most workers and will apply to small businesses of fewer than 15 people starting in August 2025. It adds Australia to a growing list of countries aiming to protect workers' free time.

"It's really about trying to bring back some work-life balance and make sure that people aren't racking up hours of unpaid overtime for checking emails and responding to things at a time when they're not being paid," said Sen. Murray Watt, Australia's minister for employment and workplace relations.

The law doesn't give employees a complete pass, however...

"If it was an emergency situation, of course people would expect an employee to respond to something like that," Watt said. "But if it's a run-of-the-mill thing … then they should wait till the next work day, so that people can actually enjoy their private lives, enjoy time with their family and their friends, play sport or whatever they want to do after hours, without feeling like they're chained to the desk at a time when they're not actually being paid, because that's just not fair."

Protections aim to address erosion of work-life balance

The law's supporters hope it will help solidify the boundary between the personal and the professional, which has become increasingly blurry with the rise of remote work since the COVID-19 pandemic.

A 2022 survey by the Centre for Future Work at the Australia Institute, a public policy think tank, found that seven out of 10 Australians performed work outside of scheduled working hours, with many reporting experiencing physical tiredness, stress and anxiety as a result.

The following year, the institute reported that Australians clocked an average of 281 hours of unpaid overtime in 2023. Valuing that labor at average wage rates, it estimated the average worker is losing the equivalent of nearly $7,500 U.S. dollars each year.

"This is particularly concerning when worker's share of national income remains at a historically low level, wage growth is not keeping up with inflation, and the cost of living is rising," it added.

The Australian Council of Trade Unions hailed the new law as a "cost-of-living win for working people," especially those in industries like teaching, community services and administrative work.

The right to disconnect, it said, will not only cut down on Australians' unpaid work hours but also address the "growing crisis of increasing mental health illness and injuries in modern workplaces."

"More money in your pocket, more time with your loved ones and more freedom to live your life — that's what the right to disconnect is all about," ACTU President Michele O’Neil said in a statement.

The 2022 Australia Institute survey... found broad support for a right to disconnect.

Only 9% of respondents said such a policy would not positively affect their lives. And the rest cited a slew of positive effects, from having more social and family time to improved mental health and job satisfaction. Thirty percent of respondents said it would enable them to be more productive during work hours.

Eurofound, the European Union agency for the improvement of living and working conditions, said in a 2023 study that workers at companies with a right to disconnect policy reported better work-life balance than those without — 92% versus 80%."

-via GoodGoodGood, August 26, 2024

[itsmrshamilton]

Watch Him Rise

Summary: Lewis & Y/n watch their son's first competition. Y/s = your son's name.

A/n: guys, 100 of you?? Thanks for the liking, commenting, reblogging and reading🫶 I saw these pics of Lewis and thought they were so cute. Its giving WAG or SupportiveDad.

"Can you please sit down, it hasn't even started yet." You admonished your husband who was standing with his hands on his hips, eyeing the arena. You two had just found your seats and set down your belongings but Lewis refused to move from his position.

"I have to make sure he sees me! Support matters, love." He responded adjusting his bucket hat and moving his hands back to his hips. "Yes, I-" "I also need to scope the whole arena so we know where to look when his name is announced." He continued to assess the grounds.

You sighed in resignation and focused on unpacking drinks and supportive gear. You two had bought everything from bucket hats, to t-shirts, to foam fingers and pom-poms. All in the colours of your son's gymnastic team's colours. Your matching shirts had 'HAMILTON' printed in all caps and had a family picture at the back.

It was his first competition since he started training two years ago. His interest in the sport was a surprise to you and Lewis because you had never brought it up nor had you participated in it as children yourselves. But you were happy to do anything to make your son happy no matter how short his obsession with the craft. Luckily (cause you forked out thousands), your son remained devoted and passionate about gymnastics. He was the one who woke you up on weekends for training and asked to spend hours after school practising in the backyard.

Lewis was incredibly proud. He went from being worried about a bone injury to researching new moves and routines for your son to perform. He looked up the best coaches, got the best reviewed gear and most importantly, attended every single practice. The support he received from his father when he was growing up was what drove him to be his son's biggest supporter. Lewis understood how much of a mental game sports really were despite the physical strain they caused.

The day you gave birth to your son, you felt your heart double in size and increase in the capacity it had to feel love. When Lewis held him for the first time, it grew even more. And since that day, watching Lewis easily take to fatherhood and complete the simplest of parenting tasks made your heart ache and expand some more. You didnt think it was possible to feel so much love. Their matching brown eyes brought bright smiles to your face and it was your lifelong goal to constantly see joy reflected in those eyes.

"Oh, there he is! There's the team!" Lewis raised his voice in excitement. "Y/s! Y/s! Up here! You're going to do great!"

You stood up to wave your pom-poms in your kid's direction. He looked at you two through his mop of dark curls, grinned and waved. Nothing was embarrassing for him. Yet, you thought to yourself. You were lowkey dreading the teenage years but you put your all into cherishing these current days.

"Hi baby! Go smash it! Wooo!" You yelled at him. The parents around you were beginning to look on in annoyance but you paid no attention. This first competition was something you had spent months waiting for so you wouldn't allow your son to feel inadequate or unsupported.

A loud voice boomed through the speakers, announcing the start of the day's events. Your son waved one last time before turning to his teammates and coach. You and Lewis sat down to watch. You leaned on his arm and he turned to press a kiss to your temple and grasp your hand in his. The events began and you separated shortly every now and then to clap for the other kids. At this age, the events were not complicated and mainly consisted of the vault, parallel bars and balance beam. The floor was covered in busy bodies of varied ages all dressed in shiny kit and doing their best to score well. The mother in you wanted to give everyone full points for the adorable effort they put in. Lewis, on the other hand, sounded like a professional judge beside you. He was leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees and muttering to himself.

"More power. Don't flex the feet. Lift now. Mm. Too slow. Release. Mmm. Pull back." It had taken him less than 2 days to understand this sport's rules and regulations. In fact, he had crammed so much gymnastics information that if you asked him a rule about F1 right now, he'd spend hours trying to recall the correct answer. It was hilariously cute and you admired him greatly for it.

"Next up on the vault, Y/s Hamilton!" The big voice boomed. Lewis stood to cheer as you dug around for the sign to hold up: 'Soar high, Y/s! Fly!'. It was covered in glitters, stickers, jewels and more.

Your son stepped up to the end of the mat.

Your eyes began to water slightly as he pushed the curls away from his forhead and closed his eyes. Lewis had taught him to take a moment to envision the routine and make intentional movements before starting. A second later, he opened them up. Even from your distance you recognised the fierce look of determination in them. The same look Lewis got before a race and before he signed on a new business venture. You were so proud of that look because according to it's history, only great things followed.

Y/s took off sprinting down the mat and you felt your heart move to your throat. "Right. . .now" You heard Lewis mutter beside you. "Twist, tighten, lengthen. . . release. Release!" He went through each of the movements mentally while he watched his son soar, flip, twist and land perfectly on the mat. "Yeah! That's my boy!"

You jumped up and down squealing with pure bliss at Y/s's achievement. Lewis scrambled to get his phone out to record the scores the judges selected. You noticed that his hands trembled slightly as he reached up to swipe a lone tear on his face. His smile still bright and proud.

"Y/s Hamilton. 10s across the board." The voice boomed.

The two of you erupted into bigger cheers and grabbed each other before steadying the phone that was recording. It caught your son jumping up and down in excitement and high-fiving teammates. He turned to the stands to wave at his parents and receive all the kisses they blew at him. "Oh Lewis, our baby!" You whispered when everything had settled down. He pulled you towards him and hugged you tightly. Together you watched your son get warmed up for the next event. His smile so wide it showed all of his gaps and baby teeth. "He's only just beginning to rise." Lewis said to himself. "And we'll be here til he reaches the top."

💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌 💌

Why did I nearly make myself cry? Guys, I had to take a break for a couple of weeks because I was doing too much on this app and not focusing on my real life, lol. Thank you for reading. Remember to interact before you leave. This is not a part of the "tattoo of us" series.

[krummholz-go]

The Final 15 - Aziraphale’s Perspective

I see a lot of empathy for Crowley’s experience during the final 15 minutes of season 2 and it makes sense that we feel deeply for him. What he is experiencing is very human - acknowledging the depth of his own feelings, plucking up the courage to say something, having it come out all wrong, feeling utterly rejected, and then walking away in a mix of pain and anger. Who among us hasn’t been there?

But Aziraphale is experiencing something more complicated, something fewer of us have analogs for. Aziraphale has internally acknowledged his feelings for Crowley for some period of time, probably at least since 1941. Michael Sheen confirms this mental state in a NYCC 2018 interview:

“I decided early on that Aziraphale just loves Crowley. And that’s difficult for him because they are on opposite sides and he doesn’t agree with him on stuff. But it does really help as an actor to go, ‘My objective in this scene is to not show you how much I love you and just gaze longingly at you.’”

Unlike Crowley, Aziraphale’s struggle isn’t acknowledging his feelings. His struggle appears to be two-fold: 1) believing that Crowley could ever love him back and 2) even if Crowley did love him, believing a future for the two of them together could exist within the restrictions of his larger world view.

Can Crowley love?

Angels are, traditionally, beings of love. We see Aziraphale embody this time and again, showing kindness and support to almost everyone he meets, including the amnesiac Gabriel who has treated him abominably in the past. He is attuned to love, remarking on how the area around Tadfield “feels loved” twice in Season 1. As for how Aziraphale personally understands and expresses love, he shows his love to others through verbal affirmation and, to a lesser extent, physical touch. There are many examples of Aziraphale expressing his love for Crowley through positive verbal affirmation, typically by praising him for instances where he has been kind, nice, or good. And on the rare occasions when Aziraphale receives verbal praise, he absolutely interprets it as an expression of love, blossoming with happiness.

But from Aziraphale’s perspective, it may be unclear if Crowley can feel love in the same way. Can demons love? Did he lose that capability when he fell? Crowley can’t feel the aura of love in Tadfield that Aziraphale remarks on, and his reactions to Aziraphale’s praise are always to shrug it off, tell Aziraphale to “shut up,” or in the most extreme case to physically slam him against a wall and get in his face about it. In this last instance he tells Aziraphale, “I’m a demon, I’m not nice. I'm never nice. Nice is a four-letter word.” A four-letter word, like love, that is not in Crowley’s self-defined vocabulary.

If Crowley can feel love, does he love Aziraphale?

Even if Aziraphale believes Crowley is capable of feeling love, he does not always recognize how Crowley expresses it in the moment. Crowley shows his love for Aziraphale through actions, but Aziraphale often misconstrues Crowley’s motivations. In 1793 when Crowley rescues him from the Bastille, Aziraphale initially assumes Crowley is only there because he is responsible for the Reign of Terror. Similarly, in 1941, Aziraphale’s reaction to Crowley’s appearance is to assume he’s just part of the Nazi gang, saying,“I should have known. Of course. These people are working for you!”

Crowley doesn’t help matters in this regard because he is constantly muting and undercutting his signals to Aziraphale. Every time Crowley expresses his love for Aziraphale through actions - rescuing him, saving his books, even taking him to lunch - he does so in a nonchalant, dismissive manner, indicating he ascribes little value or importance to the actions he has performed. “I just didn’t want to see you embarrassed,” he says when he appears in 1941. And when Aziraphale positively glows with happiness about his books being saved, Crowley tells him to “shut up."On top of these confusing signals, Crowley is almost pathologically incapable of expressing his feelings in the verbal love language that Aziraphale can understand. This is heartbreakingly demonstrated in this scene after the bookshop fire:

Crowley can’t even say “I lost you.” Instead he speaks of Aziraphale in the third person while sitting in front of him, saying, “I lost my best friend.” The little hitch on Aziraphale’s face when he hears this is just devastating. Who is Crowley talking about? The last conversation they had before this scene was when Aziraphale called while Hastur was in Crowley’s apartment and Crowley said, “Not a good time - got an old friend here.” Aziraphale is left to wonder - is that who Crowley means when he says "best friend?" Crowley is everything to Aziraphale, but what is he to Crowley?

How Would It Even Work?

Even when Aziraphale does get flashes of the possibility that Crowley may care for him he immediately runs up against his second mental block - there is no world he can imagine where they could be together. When Crowley first suggests running off together in the bandstand scene in S1E3, Aziraphale collapses under the thought: “Friends? We aren’t friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I don’t even like you.”

While he is obviously in denial, Aziraphale is also under tremendous stress in this moment and is desperately trying to hold onto some stability by falling back onto his world view and ideology. In this state he backpedals all the way to “I don’t even like you.” In his understanding of the way the universe is supposed to work, he and Crowley are hereditary enemies and should not even be friends, much less in love. Aziraphale expresses this core belief throughout the series. What kind of existence could they ever have together in reality?

The Final 15

With this as a background, we can better understand what Aziraphale experiences in the final 15 minutes. Even before the Metatron enters the scene, Aziraphale begins to have his fundamental beliefs challenged which puts him off his footing. The revelation that Gabriel and Beelzebub are in love is deeply impactful. When Beelzebub says “I just found something that mattered more to me than choosing sides” and takes Gabriel’s hand, Aziraphale immediately reaches out to make contact with Crowley, a look of incredulity on his face. Here is proof that demons can feel love and that an angel and a demon can carve out a space together. The road may be difficult, but it is not impossible.

Before Aziraphale can digest this revelation the stakes are ratcheted up: Michael threatens to erase Aziraphale from the Book of Life due to his part in hiding Gabriel. The future that Aziraphale has just barely glimpsed is already under siege. It is at this point that The Metatron enters, offering Aziraphale not just survival and protection, but a version of everything he has ever wanted.

If Crowley is reinstated as an angel, Aziraphale will no longer have to wonder whether Crowley is capable of feeling love. And if they are both angels, there will be no conflict inherent in having a life together. In one fell swoop, the Metatron entices Aziraphale with a future where there are no remaining blockers to an eternal, loving existence with Crowley. It will be “like the old times, only even nicer” because they now have millennia of their shared history to build on together. Of course this logic is horribly flawed and does not take into account at all what Crowley wants, but in the moment it must feel like an enormous gift to Aziraphale.

Unfortunately, not only is Crowley’s reaction to this “incredibly good news” not what Aziraphale expects, the conversation quickly takes a baffling turn for him. Crowley shuts down the talk about returning to heaven and attempts to say what he wants to say. Sadly he once again utterly fails to speak in a way that Aziraphale can understand.

The audience knows what Crowley is trying to say because we have the context of his earlier conversation with Maggie and Nina. But Aziraphale lacks that and thus can’t understand where this is coming from or what it means. Rather than expressing his feelings as Beelzebub and Gabriel did, Crowley recites facts: we’ve known each other a long time, we’ve been on this planet a long time, I could always rely on you, you could always rely on me. He can’t even say the word “couple” when he describes them, referring to them more as colleagues with words like “team” and “group.” And the one time he does try to express his feelings and desires he is physically unable to get out the words: “And I would like to spend—.” He then retreats into his old plea to turn away from heaven and hell and run off together. Nowhere in Crowley’s confession does Aziraphale hear “I love you” or even “I want to be with you.” What he hears instead is what he’s heard multiple times before - Crowley wants to abandon both heaven and hell and default to just the two of them. From Aziraphale’s perspective this will not solve anything for them. They will still be an angel and a demon, at some level fundamentally separated by their very natures.

Having failed in his speech, Crowley then does two things in rapid succession that must be excruciatingly painful for Aziraphale. First, he does the opposite of verbal affirmation by calling Aziraphale an idiot. We have seen Aziraphale become physically radiant in the rare instances where Crowley has praised him, so a direct insult like this must feel poisonous. Then Crowley makes a last desperate attempt to communicate through Aziraphale’s other love language - physical touch - by initiating the kiss. But without context or understanding of what is behind it, Aziraphale can initially only experience it as forceful, angry, and shocking. With more time to parse it I think Aziraphale will come to understand Crowley’s meaning, but in the moment it must feel manipulative and borderline cruel.

The Results

In a very compressed time frame, Aziraphale has to move quickly and radically through multiple mental and emotional states. For 6000 years he has believed he and Crowley cannot be together. Suddenly, with the revelation of Gabriel and Beezlebub, that foundational belief is challenged. Before he can work through what that could mean for him and Crowley, the Metatron offers an even cleaner solution - they can be protected from retribution and be on the same side again. When Crowley rejects reinstatement wholesale, it makes Aziraphale feel that he and his loving offer of a life together have been personally rejected. Then that rejection is further confused through the shocking experience of the kiss which Aziraphale does not have adequate context for or time to understand and integrate. In his emotional turmoil, Aziraphale falls back on his default crutch for dealing with sadness and anger - forgiveness - which further cuts him off from Crowley. Taken all together, this is a tumultuous rollercoaster of whiplash emotions that pull at every part of Aziraphale's self- and world-views.

Compared to what Crowley is going through, I think Aziraphale is going to have the tougher road in Season 3. Crowley may still need to better reconcile and integrate his feelings for Aziraphale, but Aziraphale has 6000 years of foundational ideology to challenge and evolve to reach a place where he and Crowley can be together as their authentic selves.

[khaire-traveler]

🍇 Subtle Dionysus Worship 🥂

Drinking grape juice or wine; fruity drinks also work; raise a glass to him

Eating food that you love, especially comfort foods

Hosting or attending parties

Hanging out with loved ones

Celebrating your accomplishments, big or small

Having a candle that reminds you of him (no altar needed)

Putting on grape-scented or fruit-scented perfumes/colognes

Wearing jewelry that reminds you of him

Seeking community; LGBTQ+ support groups, gamer groups, fandom groups, etc.

Having a bull, leopard, goat, or cat stuffed animal

Decorating parts of your room with real or fake ivy vines

Growing a plant, especially ivy or vined plants

Wearing showy or lavish outfits; wearing outfits that make you feel good about yourself

Taking care of your mental health; finding new and healthy ways to cope with issues

Keeping a mental health journal

Keeping a picture of him in your wallet

Having leopard, bull, or big cat imagery around

Taking a hike/walk in a local forest or nature preserve

Taking a walk at night, especially on a new or full moon (only if safe in your area, please)

Dancing, especially to songs that make you feel wild, free, and expressive

Listening to energizing or expressive music

Watching/reading musicals or plays

Performing in a musical or play (including backstage and tech)

Taking your medications; setting reminders for them

Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally

Learning to accept both the "dark" and "light" parts of yourself

Being kind to those outcast by society, especially the homeless and addicts

Volunteering at a homeless shelter

Engaging in activities that bring you joy, especially those that are looked down upon

Finding ways to be rebellious, especially towards authority (don't do this if it risks your own safety)

Expressing yourself in little ways if unable to be open about it (wearing a bracelet that represents your gender identity, shoelaces that are pride flag colored, etc.)

Embracing all the unique things that make you who you are

Support LGBT, homeless shelter, environmental preservation, or humanitarian organizations

Volunteer at a homeless shelter

-

May add more later! This is my list of discreet ways to worship Dionysus. I hope it helps, and take care! 💜

Link to Subtle Worship Master list

[01zfan]

see you around pt. 2 | l. at

swim captain!anton x fem. reader | 7.1k words

contains: a little rough? a little toxic? a secret situationship and it's consequences

see you around: part one | part two

anton shook his restless legs off first. it felt like excitement and dread commiserated at the soles of his feet, working all the way up to his stomach where nerves sat solid like a rock. he was sure that the weight from the anxiety would bring him down like an anchor in the water. so he continuously jumped in place, trying to loosen whatever he could mentally and physically. he waved out his arms to try and warm up his limbs before they had to tear through the water. 

he normally focused on the ground as he tried to get in the zone. staring at the lip of the pool or the tile floor between his toes helped him avoid the faces he didn’t need to see and drown out the sounds he didn’t need to hear. 

anton had developed the habit at some point in his swimming career that looking into the crowd was bad luck. he didn’t need to know who was in the stands to perform well, he shouldn’t even be thinking about anything else but his competition.

“take your mark.” the announcer called.

anton didn’t know if bad luck was real. for all he knew it was just a made up superstition. he couldn’t stop himself from scanning the crowd when he lifted his head to put on his lycra swim cap. he squinted looking for a certain face before putting on his goggles. he was so distracted he didn’t even wave to the people he recognized. friends and family of his teammates waved to him first and anton already came up with the excuse that he was “in the zone” if anyone asked. 

he still looked around the whole gymnasium, doing a complete 360 to scan the stands. he felt that familiar sinking feeling that was so all consuming he almost missed the command to step to block. 

he shook out his legs and head one last time before going into his position. he put all of focus to the end of the pool, cancelling out everything else to hear for the official start. 

“i’ll try my best to make it.”

in the split second your voice infiltrated anton’s mind, he heard the starting signal. he panicked, departing from his block later than the rest of his heat. even if it was fractions of a second anton knew it was precious time he wasted. he gave it his all to try and make up for it, pushing himself beyond his limit until he hit the end of the pool. he kicked off the edge, working his limbs until he made it back to his starting position.

he still heard your voice as he kept half of his face below the surface of the water. he was too nervous to look at the finishing times, instead gauging the reactions of his teammates. when he saw some of them clench their teeth and look to anton he finally looked up to the board. his name was clear as ever, his placement in his heat made him sink further into the water. third is no place for captain, much less in a competition as important as this one. embarrassment was like a metal ball around anton’s ankles, threatening to drag him all the way to the bottom of the pool. 

when anton emerged from the pool he sat with the rest of his team. he silently passed the baton to the co-captain and the coach as he settled into his seat. 

anton spent the rest of the swim meet with his chin in his hands and his elbows on his knees. he subconsciously bounced his leg, trying his best to be the captain his team needed. he was grateful they understood his need for silence after his lackluster performance, but even the silent support couldn’t help him. he only occasionally looked up when he was addressed directly, giving a halfhearted response. 

when the swim meet was over anton stayed in the locker room long after everyone else had left. with his towel over his head and leaning against the wall anton still couldn’t bring himself together. it was worse with the towel covering his eyes, taking away his vision completely. usually when he was in this position it was easier for him to clear his mind, the darkness giving him a chance to meditate. but when he closed his eyes all he could see was himself looking for you in the crowd. his mind came up with the vision of you in the stands, wearing the school colors to show your support. he imagined you waiting for him outside of the locker room, with his duffle bag slung over your shoulder as you gave him a hug and kiss for doing so well. 

anton grabbed the towel to see the blaring light of the locker room showers, drying his head before balling the towel in his fist. he got up from the bench slowly and got dressed even slower.

by the time anton left the gym it was well into the night. he looked up to the moon while putting on his headphones, turning up his music so loud to drown out his thoughts. he passed by a few of his teammates and they mouthed their condolences.

“we have all had meets where our reaction time is shit”

“you still did well.”

“there’s always next time.”

anton nodded to each one, tacking on a distracted thanks. he wasn’t sure what they were saying underneath his music, and he honestly couldn’t be bothered. no words could make him feel better. he just needed to sleep and go back to practice the next day ready to be the best captain and apologize to his coach.

as anton adjusted the strap of his duffle to his other shoulder, he felt his phone buzz in the pocket of his sweats. he already knew who it was, if the sun being down wasn’t the biggest indicator. 

he ignored it at first, distracting his hands by turning up the volume on his bluetooth headphones. but when the buzzing persisted it got harder and harder—anton convinced himself that it was one of hiss teammates as he reached his hand into his pocket to pull out his phone. he stopped walking across the grass as his lockscreen lit up his face.

heyyyyyy

you up?

anton scoffed seeing your messages. he wondered if you even remembered that he had a swim meet today. he told you about the important date with a smile on his face as he held your hand tightly. he made sure to ask you if you could go, telling you about how important it was to him for you to be there. he replayed the moment in his head over and over again as the disappointment turned into anger. before anton could turn off his phone and completely ignore you, he got another message.

you can come over if you’d like.

anton couldn’t help but get excited your message. this was his first ever official invite to your place. he had tried before, dropping hints like asking who your roommate was, if you had a loft bed, what decorations you had in your dorm. anton had exhausted all possible hints besides telling you directly how badly he wanted to be in your space. eventually he gave up, settling for all your intimate moments to happen at his place instead. but here he was, standing in the middle of the quad staring at your text message that felt like the other side of this talking stage hell. maybe you had heard about his failure at the swim meet and wanted to make it up to him. maybe you were going to apologize and promise to make it to all of his other swim competitions. maybe you were going to claim anton in some way besides the fading bruises on his thighs. without thinking twice, anton’s thumbs typed out a quick message while his feet started heading in the direction of your building.

i’ll be there soon

what’s your room number?

anton made it to your dormitory building quickly. despite never being inside he remembered exactly where it was on campus, memorized by all the times he walked you home late at night. he remembered that there was always a stick in the backdoor—one that he kicked out of the way when he made his way in. anton slowly made his way up the staircase, a nervous hand on his duffle until he saw the floor that was in your text. 

he made his way down the hallway, reading each name on the door until he found yours. he saw your roommates name next, written in block text right next to yours. anton wondered where your roommate was, if she knew about him. something told him that she didn’t as he quietly knocked on your door.

instantly you opened the door wide, making him pull his hand back quickly. anton watched you peak your head past the frame of your door, looking left and right down the hallway. you looked up at him and anton already knew what question you wanted to ask.

“no one saw me.” he said.

anton didn’t care to hide the annoyance in his voice anymore. it didn’t even seem like you noticed as you pulled him into your room by his hand that wasn’t holding his duffle.

anton didn’t even get a warm hug or a hello before you were on him. instead of a sorry all he got was his back being pressed to your closed door. he didn’t get a confession, only your greedy hands moving the duffle off of his shoulders for it to fall on the floor while you kissed exposed parts of his face and his neck. 

any other time anton would’ve given in instantly, maybe even felt pride in the way you very clearly needed him. but all he could think about while your hands went underneath his hoodie was that he needed you earlier and you were nowhere to be found.

“how was your day?” anton asked.

he tried making eye contact with you, to have a real conversation. maybe if he was treated like a human and not a living breathing fuck toy by you for more than ten minutes he could make it through another week of wanting more from you. but you didn’t bother stopping to speak to him, you only focused your eyes on the next part of his body that you were going to kiss.

“good.” you splayed your hands across anton’s taut stomach, pressing slightly to push him against the door. “i missed you a lot.” you said.

for the first time during your whole arrangement, anton didn’t read too much into what you said. you missed him the same way all people missed things they didn’t truly want. the quick satisfaction then being able to cast it away until you craved it again. you missed physical fulfillment, getting off and then going to bed. you didn’t miss him by any means. 

when you got on your tiptoes to kiss anton he pressed his head against the door, moving out of your reach. you didn’t think twice, you didn’t bother to ask him why he wasn’t touching you with the same enthusiasm. you only went to his neck, kissing on the skin underneath his chin. anton looked forward, focusing on what he believed to be your bed as you continued to kiss him. he saw tiny indicators of your niche interests on your side of the room. anton wondered why he felt like he barely knew you. even if your relationship was a secret, it felt like you had no relationship at all.

“why are we at your place?” anton asked.

“karina went back home for the weekend.” you murmured.

anton felt your hand grab at his and guide them to your waist. he could see you finally starting to notice that he wasn’t giving you the normal amount of attention. you still looked up to him and smiled brightly.

“it’s just me here.” your hand went to anton’s face, trying to bring him closer to you. “all by myself.” you said.

anton partially gave in. he let his hands rest a little heavier on your hips, he even let the tips of his fingers sneak under the waistband of your sleeping shorts. you rested your body against his, placing greedy kisses that anton broke away from before you could push your tongue into his mouth. as you kissed him, all he could think about was the feeling of him looking in the stands hoping to see your face.

“you’re too cool for swim meets now?” anton asked in between your kisses.

that got you to stop. while you were still pressed to his lips he looked down to see your eyes open.

“hmm?” you acted confused, the end of your hum lifting in confusion.

anton felt the annoyance rush back over his body as he brought his hands up to your shoulders. he pressed on you lightly, separating you far enough that you could no longer touch him.

“i had that really important swim meet today.” anton said.

anton saw you think as you brought your finger across your lips to wipe the spit off of them. you were silent, not pushing or pulling from anton’s hands that were still on your shoulders.

“i didn’t know you wanted me to actually go.” you said.

“that’s why i asked you if you could go.” 

anton let his irritation get the best of him. being angry with anyone still felt so unnatural to him. he ended up laughing lightly at the end of his statement in an attempt to lighten his delivery. you noticed, your eyes scanning face. he saw your small pout and feel your hands still against his stomach.

“i’m sorry i couldn’t make it to your swim meet.” you said after a beat of silence.

anton felt himself get warm at your apology. your eyes did show sincerity, and your hands went to his hands that rested on your shoulders. anton felt you squeeze once and then twice, letting out a sigh after the second. but as soon as the sincerity was visible it was gone again. your hands that squeezed his went to his arms, then his chest, and began drifting down again.

“i’ll make it up to you.” you smiled, reaching your hand down the front of anton’s sweats. 

when anton felt your hand go into his underwear he took in a sharp breath and closed one of his eyes trying to focus. 

“ahh ahh.” anton said quietly.

he tried to bring his hands that were on your shoulders to your wrists to stop you. before he could, he felt your energy change and your hand freeze in place.

“you’re not hard?” you asked.

you tilted your head at the feeling of anton being semi-hard at best in your hand. you even gave him a few experimental strokes, looking down in his pants to see that nothing was changing. when you looked to anton for answers all you saw was that his eyes were screwed shut. his hand clenched around yours and he shook his head before hanging it low. 

you took your hands from his pants and placed them on his waist, nervously pinching the gray fabric between your fingers. anton had to let out another breath to try and collect himself. when he looked down at you he saw an unreadable expression, something akin to jealousy when you spoke again.

“did you see someone before coming here?” you asked quietly.

anton felt the rage across his body as he took in your words. he tilts his head and squints at you assuming something so shamelessly. it’s the biggest insult to anton and so out of his character it felt like projection.

“did you have a dick appointment that fell through or something?” anton pulls your hands from his sweats and puts them at your sides. “is that why you called me to your place?” he asks

anton hates that he sees you put your mask back on again as you try to seem nonchalant.

“i called you here because i wanted to see you.” you say.

anton shakes his head and you can see his intent to roll his eyes at you.

“you called me here because you want to me to fuck you.” he scoffs.

“why are you acting like this?” you ask.

when you ask your question, the unmistakeable look of sadness crosses anton’s face. you knew why, there had to have been a reason why anton doted on you so severely, why he always asked you to stay at his place, and why he always looked at you with those puppy eyes. anton was tired of acting like everything was okay, that’s why he was acting like this. 

anton still let the sadness show across his face and you felt your heart drop. you almost wished he was angry, something in your face that you could feed off of. but when he looked down at you and when his hands loosened their grip on your shoulders you felt something inside of you begin to shrivel up. you fed off of his energy the same way a flower did to the sun or a parasite did to a living organism—whichever you were was still being decided. regardless you had to get something from anton to distract yourself from looking at him for too long. before something else could happen, you pointed your eyes away from anton to focus on his chest.

“why am i acting like this?” anton echoed.

you nodded your head and pressed your hands to anton’s chest again. you wanted him to feel how timid you were, how this was the first time you ever touched him with uncertainty. you hoped that you could convey it through body language that you couldn’t handle this conversation if he kept pressing it. with your confidence curving you hoped that anton would feel the same sort of sick pride you always felt. with him being the one that’s sought after and you are the one that’s pining, you pray it’s enough for him to stick around. 

“we make eachother feel good.” you say, still looking at his chest.

you say it trying to rationalize that the sinking feeling in your gut is pleasure. you splay your hands in their place, feeling anton’s solid frame underneath his hoodie. he didn’t pull your hands away—just like that anton’s resolve became a facade you could see right through. you knew he wasn’t going to stop you as you slowly went to your knees, you knew he would only draw in a breath and stare down at you.

“let me make you feel good.” you look up to anton and you suddenly feel a lump in your throat. “i heard what happened at your swim meet.” you said.

you wanted to tell anton that you watched the livestream of his swim meet with bated breath. you wanted to tell him that you yelled at your screen when you saw that he had a late start. you wanted to tell him that you sunk underneath your covers, pulling them up to cover your eyes when he sunk below the water as he looked at his final time. you had the idea to tell him how good he did when he was deep inside of you, so you could say you were only being tender in the heat of the moment. but as you got lower and lower to the ground you realized some things are better kept to yourself.

when you got to your knees you could already see the slight tent forming in front of your face. you looked up to anton while your hands drifted to the waistband of his sweats. he looked down at you and past your pleading eyes. in the silence of anton deciding what he wanted you felt like you were bleeding. the thick skin you had developed was peeled away, every part of you anton brushed against felt like an open wound, when his hands touched your cheeks they felt like they were on fire, when his hand fisted your hair you could already feel the pinprick sensation of you hair being torn out. you were too sensitive, too vulnerable to be on your knees for a man who didn’t seem to want you anymore. you had never been more glad to be wrong than seeing anton’s hand that wasn’t fisted in your hair to reach for the front of his sweats.

“make it up to me.” anton said quietly.

you nodded eagerly before pulling the front of his sweats down. in one smooth motion they were bunched at his ankles leaving anton in only his boxers. he stepped out of his sweats to kick them to the side, slightly widening his stance so you could slot in between his legs. you shuffled forward, knees already feeling raw on your hardwood floors. you hide the pain, you don’t dare to wince as you feel anton in waves. the smell of him is intoxicating even from down here, and the warmth from his body pulls you in even closer.

the tent in his boxers was even more obvious, and anton almost seemed disappointed with himself. you tried to make up for it, letting your hunger show clearly as you messed with the elastic band of his boxers. 

“can i take these off, anton?” you asked, trying to sound as sweet as possible.

he says nothing to you, but uses the grip he has on your hair to nod your head up and down. it’s tighter than he has ever held your hair, rougher than he’s ever been. you can’t deny the thrill that makes you ignore the pain on your scalp. 

you pull down his boxers slowly, any attempt you make to look down is thwarted by anton’s grip on your hair. it’s unforgiving and forces you to look at him in the eyes. even when you pout he doesn’t let up. when anton’s dick comes from his boxers you get to see his lips part, his small breath out as he shuffles on his feet. anton’s grip in your hair finally loosens when he steps out of his boxers. you keep your chin up to look at him, the feeling of finality washing over you as you take in how he looks down at you. he keeps eye contact, even though he looks directly at you it seems like he’s not there. you’re on opposite ends of the world even though you’re as close as two people can physically be. your figurative backs are turned to eachother even though you’re face to face. but you know that time was fleeting, and you felt a cloud of impending doom waiting outside your door. 

after the split second you clear your throat and settle back on your legs. you perk up your chest, trying to look as enticing to anton as possible. 

somewhere along the way during your escapades with anton you found yourself doing a little more for him. maybe it was his unwavering habit of always meeting you on your side. you tried to reciprocate by doing a little more in the ways you knew how. this included dropping tidbits of information he would tell you in passing nonchalantly and inviting him over only after you cleaned your apartment top to bottom and bought all the snacks he likes. but most of all, and possibly the only upfront thing you did for anton, was getting down on your knees even after you told him multiple times you don’t suck dick. you can be a good person when you want, and you have felt the need lately to show anton just that. so you kiss the tip of his dick sweetly, and you press your tongue to the underside of his dick and bring it up slowly.

anton’s hand goes back to gripping your hair from the sudden sensation. his other hand is clenching at his sides, and he already feels himself beginning to lose it. everything is so sensitive when it comes to you touching him. he felt like he could still feel your kisses on the bare skin of his neck. your chapstick stuck to his lips, the subtle taste bathed his tongue each time he poked it out. wetting his lips constantly was no way to keep the murmurs to himself. he was sighing each time he felt your hand occupy the space your tongue couldn’t reach. when you squeezed your hand around the base of his dick he bucked into your hand, and when you took him deep into your mouth he groaned and tilted his head back until it hit your door. 

he didn’t have to guide your head further down his shaft with a fistful of your hair—he didn’t want to. he wanted to see how badly you wanted to please him. he needed to see where all the skill you lacked in the non-intimate aspects of your relationship were channeled to. when you kept his dick in your mouth even when your eyes got glassy anton understood. he looked away when you pulled his dick from your mouth knowing he wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of you in action. 

anton thought things would be clearer from up here, but everything felt even fuzzier. your puffy lips and the want in your eyes made anton forget why he was mad in the first place. you pumped his dick, your spit and his precum aiding your ministrations. you dragged your finger underneath your waterline to collect any stray tears, pressing your hand into anton’s thigh when you were done. he enjoyed feeling of you pressing hard into the muscle of his thigh, and he focused on your hand when you took him back in your mouth again. 

anton leaned his head back against your front door. he felt the wet warmth of your mouth wrap around his tip and then his shaft as you went deeper. the only thing keeping anton from bucking into your mouth was your hand pressing into his thigh. when you gagged you took him out of your mouth again and paused. anton composed himself enough to look down. 

you stared intensely at anton, eyes bleary as you continued pumping his dick. anton could see the gloss from your spit and his precum collect in the corner of your mouth.

“does it feel good?” you asked desperately.

anton nodded and kept his eyes on you. neither of you looked away when you opened your mouth again, and slowly took all of anton. when your nose touched his abdomen he sighed and shuddered. the tension was building up in his stomach again and he let out another whiny breath to try and control it.

“feels good. just like that.” anton’s sigh ended with quiet curse when he felt a vibration in your throat. “feels so good.” he repeated.

you nodded obediently with his dick in your mouth. anton was never the type to take a dominant role in the bedroom and neither were you. sex was comparable to a relay race for the two of you, one constantly passing the baton to the other when everything would be too much or you couldn’t do enough. but right now, you needed to hear anton’s voice. you needed him to tell you what to do, maybe even be a little mean about it too. 

at the praise your started working your head up and down. you would never be able to brag about your skills when it came to blowjobs. you could admit that you had a terrible gag reflex, your ran out of breath easily, and you had terrible rhythm. but there was something about anton and the way he reacted to everything you did that made you feel like you were doing the right thing. each time you hollowed out of your cheeks he gasped, and when your hand worked the parts that wouldn’t fit in your mouth he leaned his body more into your door. you were pulling out all the stops for no reason, even relaxing your throat so you could take him even deeper.

when your hand went to his balls his could hear anton shaking his head. you peaked upwards, desperately trying to make out a view of him past the plane of his stomach and your entryway light shining right in your eye. it didn’t help that he had his head leaned back just enough to leave your line of sight. you kept going, and anton’s energy shifted. you could feel that he was getting closer, and you mentally began prepping yourself for cum sliding down your throat.

anton felt the tension building all over his body. the cold wood of the door he leaned on did nothing to satiate the fever pitch. before you could continue anton used the grip he had on your hair for the first time by pulling you completely off of him.

you reluctantly followed his hand, watching the angry red tip of his dick bob in front of you. anton’s dick was covered in your spit, and you saw precum pathetically bead at the tip from the aftershocks of stimulation. you knew you looked a mess when you tilted your chin to anton again. seeing his appearance remain the same gave you a sick stir. the view from down here was almost painful in the pit of your stomach. anton wasn’t flush-faced while you felt warm all over, he wasn’t a babbling mess like he always was when he was close to finishing. he was cool and collected, the only indication that he was roused like you was the rapid rise and fall of his chest. 

you stayed on your knees, half expecting anton to take away your accomplishment of making him cum by masturbating until he finished on your face. you were waiting for him to be cruel, to deny you satisfaction in some way. but anton lifted you up by a hand on your arm, and kept you steady until your legs started working again.

he stared down at your puffy lips as you swiped your tongue across in efforts to gather yourself. you went to pick at your hair, trying to smooth out the areas he mussed by feel. but most of all you stared at anton, not looking away as you waited for his next move. he looked past you to the bed he assumed was yours and he saw your head turn to look at the bed too.

“which one is yours?” anton asked.

you cleared the small space quickly, wordlessly sitting on the edge of the bed anton assumed was yours. he remembered the sheets during your video calls when you couldn’t sleep and just needed to see him. anton realized how sick he was of you hiding your feelings of seeing him under the guise of sex. he was sick with himself that he let it go on for this long, but his shame didn’t stop him from pulling a condom from his wallet and walking over to your bed.

you sat on your sheets, looking up to anton as he stood in front of you. you could barely make out the features of his face in the darkness of your room, you didn’t have the light from your entryway to give you sight. you could feel his piercing gaze through anything. you tried your best to give him what he wanted from you silently, batting your eyelashes as you reached for the waistband of your shorts. anton’s hand on your shoulder stopped you. 

“ass up.” he said simply.

anton’s voice added an edge to his orders. the softness betrayed the way he truly felt, how he was actually upset with you. you knew he was mad, he had every right to be. but the way he couldn’t bring himself to add base to his voice or raise it made your thrill shoot up your spine. so you listened instantly, moving to the center of your bed to put your ass up in the air. you settled into your arch, waiting for anton to quietly tell you what to do next.

you stayed in the same position as you heard anton get undressed behind you. you heard the sound of his hoodie falling to your floor, the quiet sound of the pendants on his chain clanking together, the sound of him opening the packet of the condom and sighing as he put it on. the anticipation made you wiggle your ass in the air, and you leaned in the direction of where the bed dipped from newly added weight.

anton’s strong hand on your ass kept you in place. anticipation creeped across your body as his other hand went to the waistband of your sleeping shorts. anton wordlessly yanked your shorts down until they were at your knees. he didn’t bother pulling your shorts off the rest of the way and he didn’t bother helping you out of your loose shirt either, he only drifted his hand underneath the fabric on your back until he was gripping your shoulder. 

anton put his legs on either side of yours, and you felt him slap his dick against your bare ass. you couldn’t see what he was doing behind you with your view being obstructed by your body. you could see parts of anton’s broad bare chest behind you, and his strong legs that yours were slotted between. you wanted him to fold over and press his chest to your back—something in you needed to feel anton’s weight over your body. the only pressure you felt was when his hand that was wrapped around his dick went to press your lower back into a deeper arch.

“you can do better than that.” anton said quietly.

you nodded against the sheets and became pliant underneath his hand, going as deep as you could with the limited room. it was enough for anton as his hand on your shoulder tightened and his other hand moved to guide his dick to your entrance. he let his tip prod at your asshole just to feel you squirm underneath him. after hearing his laugh anton guided his dick lower, pressing deep into your entrance. he was teasing you, refusing to go any deeper. as soon as you felt the intrusion it was gone, anton’s shallow thrusts barely gave you anything. when you tried driving your own hips back he kept a strong hand on your ass, keeping you in place.

your shorts that were still around your knees became a hindrance. you couldn’t spread your legs further to make anton hit deeper inside of you, you couldn’t adjust your body at all in this position. you were constricted, only being able to take what anton wanted to give you.

he knew it too. anton knew you wanted more; he could tell by the way your moans ended with exasperated hmph’s or a sigh. he was having fun seeing you struggle. anton believed it was the least of what you deserved. when he heard your moans become pathetic and whiny he gave in, pausing for a second before fully sliding in.

instantly you started losing your form. anton took you by surprise to say the least, and your legs being so close together made you feel tighter. anton pulled out and pushed in again, letting out a groan as he felt you pulsing. anton planted one of his feet into the mattress experimentally to drive his hips forward a little harder, but when he saw you quickly shake your head he went back to his original position.

“too much?” anton asked.

you nodded, words coming out as a moan through your parted lips.

“yeah.” anton felt your ass push against his hand as you tried driving your hips back. “sorry.” you whined.

he couldn’t stop himself from scoffing. your apologies meant nothing to him now. the only thing that mattered was feeling you tight around him and the feeling of your soft skin clutched in his hand. the only thing anton needed to hear from you was begging or your pathetic whimpers. his hand on your shoulder tightened to pull your body back to meet his thrusts.

the force from anton’s hips shook your wooden bed frame and pulled noises deep from your chest. you fisted the sheets from the pleasure and focused on anton’s hard grip on your shoulder to stay present. you could feel yourself clamping around his dick, how his impatient hand tried spreading your legs that were restricted by your sleeping shorts. anton’s grunts with each thrust were getting louder. he paused for a moment and you heard expletives fall fill the silence in your room. after his hips stilled for a beat he drove into you with even more vigor, so hard you became dizzy. you were chanting broken choruses of anton’s name as you felt your hair beginning to stand on end. you could feel your shorts riding up, and your knees began sliding on the soft sheets.

anton’s eyes drifted from your ass to your face when your body started sliding from underneath him. he no longer had it in him to manhandle you back into your previous position, but he also found that seeing you fall apart like this was much more satisfying. you could no longer keep your ass perked in the air for him, something you were so proud of. from the side of your face that wasn’t pressed into the mattress anton could see your tear tracks and you parting your lips each time he gave you a hard thrust. he had emptied into his condom already, not caring to tell you when he was close. he could tell at the very least your body knew he came by the way your walls seized around his dick in a desperate attempt to milk him. anton kissed his hips against yours again, and your body was flat against the mattress.

it was so frustrating seeing you deny all feelings when your bodies were so clearly intertwined. anton had fucked before, he knew that you had too. but it never felt the same as when he was with you, and he never found himself longing for someone outside of the bedroom until you came along. he knew you felt the same way. why else would you let someone reduce you to nothing but a shaking mess? why would you let him continue fucking you long after you came just to make sure he finished too? why else would you reach your hand behind you blindly in a desperate attempt to hold him? 

he knew that you wanted him to hold your hand until you came back to earth. a moment when you were most vulnerable, yearning for something sweet and intimate so you could go back to pretending like you were fucking without feelings. anton decided when the euphoria was done washing over him that he wouldn’t stand for it anymore. maybe some groveling would do you some good—teach you some humility. so when anton drove his hips inside of you one final time he stayed inside and planted his hands on both sides of your head. 

instantly your hand wrapped around his wrist, holding on so tight he was sure you could feel his pulse. he could see your back raise from silent whines, and anton flicked his head backwards to wick the sweat from the ends of his hair. he stayed like that inside of you for a moment, just watching your hand squeeze and try to lift his hand from the mattress so you could hold it. he kept his hands pressed there, and bent close to your back to ghost his lips over your shoulder blades. he saw your skin jump, he saw you weakly raise your body to try and meet his lips. but he didn’t press the same reassuring kiss he always did, he only pulled back and pulled out of you completely.

you whined from the loss of anton inside of you, something still felt incomplete. your argument was coming back into your mind, but you knew bygones would always be bygones with anton. you waited on the bed, turning to your side to give anton room to spoon you. but instead of laying next to you, he only gave your ass a gentle pat before getting off the bed completely.

you sat up in your place as you watched him gather his clothes. you thought he was only looking for his boxers because of his resistance to sleeping completely naked, but when he put on his sweats too you felt almost panicked.

“my roommate isn’t coming back.” you said, hoping he’d get the hint.

anton didn’t look at you as he put on his white undershirt.

“i know.” he looked to you with a straight face. “you told me.” he said.

you felt the embarrassment wash over you at anton very clearly getting ready to go home when you wanted him to stay. you were so used to anton just tending to you silently that you didn’t know how to ask for something even if it was so simple. he looked to you as he pulled his hoodie over his head. he faltered for only a second—once his hands ran through his jostled hair he had the same straight face. 

when anton started walking over to your door, you quickly pulled your shirt over your head and followed him. you stayed close behind, almost like his shadow as he put his shoes on. you clenched your hands when you saw the loose fabric of his hoodie on his arm. it would’ve been so easy to grab it and pull him towards you. but you only stood there and watched him as he put his duffle bag on and had his hand on the doorknob.

“why don’t you stay?” you asked.

you felt relief when anton turned back to you. he seemed to considerate it, and you felt like you had seen something like this before.

“can’t.” he answered.

anton didn’t elaborate, and you knew you couldn’t ask because you didn’t have the right to. he opened your door, the fluorescent lights of the hallway lighting up your dimly lit room. anton didn’t lean down to peck your forehead, or reach across the space that felt like a chasm to squeeze your hand. he just kept his hand around the strap of his duffle and offered you a simple smile.

“i’ll see you around though, yeah?” anton said while walking out to the hallway. 

anton closed the door behind him before you could respond, forcing you to stare at the place where he once stood. you stayed still, wide eyed and confused as you tried to comprehend what just happened.

[cosmicpuzzle]

7th Lord in Houses - New Edition ❤️

1st House

This is a good placement. It indicates that the partners are very similar. Your partner's life affects you and vice versa. Your partner may like you physically as 1st house is your body/personality. These are the couples to always be together if other afflictions aren't there. These couples rarely break apart even if there are conflicts in the relationship. Your partner may dominate you if the planets involved are Sun or Mars.

2nd House

Here the relationship totally becomes focused on creating material security. You both are possessive of each other and need constant physical touch and caressing. Your partner may or may not like your family members. You can also spend a lot post marriage simply because you get accustomed to a spendthrift partner. I have also seen the partner can be stingy and that leads to conflicts. This is more of an issue when one of the partners isn't earning and becomes dependent on the other.

3rd House

This is a fun placement if the planets involved are benefics such as Mercury/Venus/Jupiter. There is a lot of discussion in the marriage that the physical passion can suffer. The relationship can be too mental and lack seriousness. It can also lead to multiple relationships or flirting with random people. There is lot of changes post marriage such as moving to a new city or even country. There can be significant real estate transactions leading to profit.

4th House

This is one of the best placements as 4th house signifies domestic life and marriage is about that - creating a nest together. There is significant gain of fixed assets post marriage such as a property, car and other comforts. In case of affliction the partner may dislike one's family or mother in particular. The partner can be someone you are familiar with or who grew up in the same locality as you did may be even family friends. There is also a possibility of the partner doing some home business or related to real estate.

5th House

I know many people rave about this placement but don't get me wrong- it can be really troublesome. You may date a lot of people but still remain unmarried after a certain age. In case of afflictions none of the love affairs materialize into commitment. Sometimes the person may embrace a monastic life if the planets are highly dignified or if the 12th lord is also involved. Love may be successful at times if other factors are supportive and indicates a deepfelt connection with the partner. The partner can also be prone to affairs in case of afflictions. Also, afflictions may deny the birth of children to the couple or delay them.

6th House

I personally don't like this placement for it brings many conflicts within the relationship. The partner may be too much into work or may dislike having sex. The partner may be unable to perform in the bed too or have other health problems that restrict the sexual life. Sometimes these couples have sex only to have children and then the romance literally dies out. Positively it can mean prosperity at a foreign land post marriage and the partner having a strong career. This can easily indicate divorce if there is another malefic in 7th house.

7th House

This placement depends on the planet involved. For most rising signs this placement could give some issues especially if planets involved are Mars/Saturn/Jupiter. Mercury and Venus can mean more than one marriage but is usually happy. I don't see many happy couples especially Taurus, Libra, Virgo, Gemini risings. The partner can have very strong traits of the planet that's in the 7th house for good or bad.

8th House

Let's be honest. This placement can be really difficult if other factors are not supportive. The marriage could easily break. This shows a past left karmic debt related to marriage. The partner's health or longevity could be at risk too. There can be arguments over joint assets and the marriage may be done for money or just sex. The partner can be a medical professional researcher or an occultist.

9th House

This is a good placement but can also signify multiple marriages especially if 8th house is afflicted or Mercury is involved. it indicates marriage to someone culturally different to you. In some cases, you may marry even a mentor or someone quite elder to you. You are likely to meet life partner at college or when you travel somewhere. You may meet through internet too. There may be religious differences with your partner. You and partner can have an interest in travelling or spirituality. The partner can be a lawyer or teacher.

10th House

Here the marriage changes one's career path. Your partner motivates you to achieve more or they themselves can be very ambitious. in case of serious afflictions, it indicates workplace affairs or affairs with the boss. The partner may be close to their family or mother especially. The partner may change their careers often too. The partner takes the major decisions and hence may be superior to you. The partner can also be of a higher status at the time of marriage.

11th House

This is a friendly placement. Both the partners are fully familiar with each other, may be they could be friends turned into lovers. The partner has a huge social circle and can be in the field of IT or technology and hence a high salary as well. There can be change of countries post marriage as 11th house is 8th from 4th house and hence they may leave the home country and settle abroad.

12th House

This is a deep soulmate type relationship. There is a significant past life connect with the spouse. In case of benefics the relationship will be deep, spiritual and the partners are mutually supportive. In case of malefics, there may be possibility for affairs for either person or the person may marry another secretly even continuing the first marriage. The couples could travel abroad or the partner travels and thus the person too accompanies. Sometimes, the person may forego marriage completely living a life of recluse.

For Relationship Readings DM

[healthylifeenjoy]

Gluco Shield Pro Supplements Health Product

used Gluco Shield Pro supplements for two months and found them to be a beneficial addition to my overall health regimen. This product is designed to support healthy blood sugar levels and promote overall well-being. In this review, I will share my personal experiences and insights into Gluco Shield Pro, including its benefits, ingredients, and usage.

Benefits of Gluco Shield Pro Gluco Shield Pro offers several potential benefits for individuals seeking to maintain healthy blood sugar levels. Firstly, the product contains a unique blend of natural ingredients that have been traditionally used to support metabolic health. These ingredients work synergistically to help regulate blood sugar levels and prevent spikes and crashes.

Secondly, Gluco Shield Pro may also contribute to improved energy levels and reduced fatigue. When blood sugar levels are balanced, the body can efficiently utilize glucose for energy production, leading to sustained mental and physical performance.

Ingredients Gluco Shield Pro is formulated with a carefully selected combination of natural ingredients, including:

Gymnema sylvestre: This herb has been traditionally used in Ayurvedic medicine to manage blood sugar levels. Gymnema sylvestre contains compounds that may help reduce sugar cravings and improve glucose absorption.

Bitter melon: Bitter melon is a tropical fruit with hypoglycemic properties. It contains substances that can help stimulate insulin production and increase glucose uptake by cells.

Cinnamon: Cinnamon is a spice with potential blood sugar-balancing effects. Studies have shown that cinnamon may improve insulin sensitivity and reduce fasting blood sugar levels.

Chromium: Chromium is a trace mineral that plays a role in glucose metabolism. It helps regulate blood sugar levels by enhancing insulin's effectiveness.

Usage Gluco Shield Pro comes in convenient capsule form. As per the manufacturer's recommendations, I took two capsules daily with meals. The capsules were easy to swallow and did not cause any digestive discomfort.

My Experience I have been using Gluco Shield Pro for the past two months and have noticed a positive impact on my overall health. My energy levels have increased significantly, and I no longer experience the same afternoon slumps as before. I also feel more mentally focused and alert.

While I cannot claim that Gluco Shield Pro has cured any underlying health conditions, I have observed a noticeable improvement in my blood sugar control. My occasional blood sugar readings have been within the normal range, and I have experienced fewer fluctuations.

Conclusion Overall, I am satisfied with my experience using Gluco Shield Pro. The product has provided me with several benefits, including improved energy levels, enhanced mental clarity, and potential support for healthy blood sugar management. If you are looking for a natural supplement to support your overall well-being, I would recommend giving Gluco Shield Pro a try.

Disclaimer It is important to note that individual results may vary. Gluco Shield Pro is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment. If you have any concerns about your health or blood sugar levels, it is crucial to consult with a healthcare professional.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey! Sorry if this is weird or something you have answered before.

I’m a teenage girl, and I tend masterbate at least once a day, but I had accidentally fallen down a rabbit hole of porn addiction and that kinda stuff.

Now I’m really worried that my frequency in which I masterbate is bad for me. I haven’t felt and adverse affects in my personal life (still hanging with friends, still getting good grades etc) and masterbation has actually seem to have a positive effect on my mental health (the first time I used me rose toy the mental fog that had been covering my brain first months cleared lol)

Still, is this a dopamine hit that’s bad like doom scrolling? Or am I freaking out over nothing

Thanks

hi anon,

I'm really glad you took the time to send this ask in! I've noticed a lot of folks younger than me are VERY worried about porn addiction or otherwise being too sexual lately, and I'm very happy to be able to help alleviate those fears.

I would recommend starting with the answers to both of these previous asks, which I hope will provide some comfort. if nothing else, please read this concluding paragraph from the latter:

is it possible to become overly reliant on sexual stimulation as a form of self-soothing? sure, of course. it’s possible to become overly reliant on anything; absolutely any positive behavior can become detrimental if it’s performed to extremity. again, read that ask I linked! but pivoting from a breakdown to jacking off isn’t a bad idea. it can help you calm down, can be a great transition into a nap or sleep, and pops off a little burst of dopamine and oxytocin that’s probably very badly needed if you’re on the verge of a breakdown. of course it’s ideal to have other healthy outlets for when you’re feeling bad - making art or doing something else with your hands, doing some enjoyable physical activity, talking with friends or family, keeping a journal - but as one part of a larger diet of support and coping mechanism, horny behavior is great, normal, and very healthy.

masturbating regularly, even once a day, is completely fine. it doesn't sound as if it's disrupting anything of importance in your life, which says to me that it's a nonissue, and it's a nice little treat for you. and if masturbating daily is wrong, then rest assured that you and I will be in horny jail together 🫡

it always bums me out when I see people, especially teenagers, voicing suspicion about sexuality specifically because of the feel-good reactions that sexual pleasure can trigger in your brain. you can get the same feeling by taking a walk, petting your cat, spending time with a friend, or getting a tattoo, but none of those are treated with the same kind of suspicion. it speaks to a deep fear and distrust of sexuality, which is completely normal and natural, that I fear will not serve anyone well in the long run, so it's a pleasure to help unravel that a little. I hope this has been helpful to read!

[drdemonprince]

Thousands of people did not just suddenly stop using headphones one day because they felt like it, or because they stopped caring about people with sensory sensitivities like me. No, people stopped using headphones because cell phone manufacturers stopped including headphone jacks in their products. 

My sensory-processing issues are a physical element of my disability that would absolutely still exist in a world without capitalism. Like my poor fine motor control and reduced muscle tone, my sensory processing issues debilitate me: there are tasks I simply cannot perform because of how my body is wired, and this makes me different from most other people in ways that are non-negotiable.  Still, my physical disabilities are worsened quite clearly by capitalism: Because large corporations have both a profit motive and a vested interest in reinvesting those profits into advertisements, and because the internet does not receive public financial support, my daily life is bombarded with bright, noisy, flashing, disruptive advertisements, which makes it far more difficult for me to process relevant information and can swiftly bring me to the verge of a meltdown.  If the internet were funded as a public utility and was therefore not sandblasted in ads, I would be less disabled. If my local streets were less plastered in billboards and littered with junk mail advertising chain restaurants, I would be less disabled. 

Because companies like Apple financially rely upon consumers replacing their phones on an annual basis (despite how unsustainable and murderously cruel continuing to mine cobalt in Sudan for the production of all these new phones is), I must replace my phone regularly. With an updated phone model I lose my headphone jack and have to adapt to a new operating system and layout, and so my sensory issues and executive functioning challenges are exacerbated.  In a world where phones were produced in order to help human beings function rather than to make money, I would be less disabled.  Thanks to capitalism, I cannot exist in public if I am not purchasing anything. I cannot simply be present in a store, coffee shop, or even public plaza, enjoying my surroundings and taking the sight of other people in. I must contribute to the economy in order to justify it. If the brickwork of a nearby building fascinates me and I crave to feel it against my palms, I have to pretend that I wish to buy it, and be prepared to tell anyone who asks that that’s what I intend to do. I can’t even stand on the corner and feel the sun on my face without worrying my neighbors might find it unusual and send the cops.  As an Autistic person, I often can’t fake being a perpetual consumer well enough. My desire to simply elope around my environment and take in new, interesting sensations registers as suspicious or concerningly mentally ill. And so I am further disabled and excluded from public life. 

The full essay is free to read or have narrated to you at drdevonprice.substack.com

[drchucktingle]

Is there a reason you didn't include an acknowledgements section in Camp Damascus?

yes actually, as man name of chuck i have spent a lot of time FINDING MY IDENTITY through masking and unmasking. in early days there were many more layers hiding me away and it took a while for me to understand WHY. over the last ten years buckaroos have very much seen me find myself through art, accepting and talking about my sexuality, neurodivergence, and gender.

there is ALWAYS a layer to protect my privacy, and to allow myself room for POETRY. example i like to give is that if i post 'i pet a dog today' i might have actually pet a cat, but everything i say is true is some sense. in the early days that truth was stretched farther because even i did not quite understand it my dang self, and it has been my journey to strip away as much of this mask as possible (sometimes called removing my skin) and BECOME MYSELF on this timeline (which is something i have always talked about)

if you have been following chuck for the last decade you will see my older posts were much more abstract and difficult to parse, they reference themes that i have since come to terms with, and this journey to find myself is WHY i have been able to do this. some could say it was the journey of a reverse twin adapting to their new timeline, others could say it was the journey of a neurodivergent artist allowing themselves the freedom to find a healthy expression and conquer their chronic pain from constant neurotypical masking.

FOR INSTANCE this is why i am wearing buckaroo suits on tour now, an outfit that is more true to the INNER ME. i used to answer interview questions with metaphor and now i just answer, only hiding certain details when i need to. i talk less about figures in my life back in billings who were REAL IDEAS and PARTS OF MYSELF but sometimes not flesh and blood or ghostly buckaroos. this is my trot, and this is why i am so strongly against gatekeepers in the buckaroo community. i have been becoming myself long before i knew what that meant.

so when it came time for acknowledgments i realized i would have to acknowledge buckaroos who helped along the way but also ABSTRACT IDEAS who helped along the way, symbols and themes that i have since decided i wanted to leave behind. it was important to me to create a new era of my expression where those abstract layers are respected but also stripped away. i have to respect the inner truth i am trying to cultivate, for way of my mental health and also my physical health.

so i DID write out acknowledgments and sent them to my buckaroos privately, then i said please do not include this in the public book. these days i want to hide behind as few layers as possible, that is my artistic journey now. buckaroos were very respectful and supportive.

very quick before we finish, there was one other small and important reason. i am so sincere ALL the dang time it is kind of my natural state to get very emotional and thankful, that i kinda thought 'i am going to give myself space here to NOT stress out over this for once'. i am constantly thinking about acknowledging others and i LOVE this part of my trot, but doing it in a way that is so defined and specific and maybe even performative (gotta write your acknowledgments now bud. HAVE to do it) felt at odds with my inner way.

anyway thank you for this very good question what a dang treat to talk about this detail and how much it means to me to find truth in my inner trot.