#Sun exists as a concept so life is worth living

[icedmetaltea]

WEIRDLY SPECIFIC AND SUPER RANDOM AU CONCEPT TIME!!

So there’s an au where Sun doesn’t exist, it’s just Moon who kinda chills in the daycare to keep the peace and help kids sleep at naptime. The Afton virus stuff happens and people are beginning to get a sneaking suspicion that the bots have something to do with it but they can't prove it (not sure about the exact timeframe but yea) Enter a programmer y/n who somehow learns about the virus and wants to put a stop to it once and for all. They manage to program a “virus” of their own to infect the animatronics and kill the afton virus. Since they want to be able to monitor the bots at all times and watch the progress, they get a job as a security guard, secretly bringing their own laptop into the security room to run lines of code and infiltrate the system. The first animatronic to successfully be infected is Moon, and instead of killing the afton virus immediately, it sort of just… makes itself a host, who keeps switching back and forth between the consciousness of itself and the uninfected Moon (so basically a Sun is born lol) As long as this virus Sun is kept online, Moon can operate like normal- and he’s just as confused as he is relieved to finally be back to reality (though for mystery and angst purposes, he has no idea what’s happened since before he got infected dun-dun) Sun starts communicating with Moon (as much as y/n tries to stop it) and eventually he figures out something’s up, which inevitably leads to him finding and confronting y/n about it… and when he realizes what he did while infected… yeah, he kinda just literally shuts down. Leaving Sun to figure out how to take care of the responsibilities of the daycare while Moon is “sleeping” (don’t worry he comes back later but he has some trauma to process) On a less angsty note, Sun has absolutely no clue how to behave around people, much less kids, and has to base all his “normal” interactions around what he can research on youtube- all while not drawing suspicion from any of the other staff. He asks y/n how to act more naturally and they have no clue either since y/n’s an extreme shut-in who can’t keep a conversation going for more than 5 seconds as it is. There’s also a plot going on in the background of y/n trying to figure out how to get the virus to work on the other animatronics, since so far Sun was the only successful attempt. 

Even more fun if Sun has the ability to kinda travel through any electronic connected to wifi, and can remotely infect y/n’s computer at will if he wants to (giorejuigheughuir just imagine y/n’s tryna sleep and all of a sudden Sun makes a super loud pop-up play bc he doesn’t understand the concept of sleeping yet and wants to get their attention to ask them something- and it turns out to be something stupid like “time sensitive question: how to open bottle of glitter glue)  Also I just rlly like the idiot of a hurt/comfort side of things where Sun, even though he hasn’t figured out how the whole emotions thing works yet, ends up helping Moon heal from the trauma, especially since he’s available for venting to 24/7 lol. Like before this, Moon has worked in the daycare alone till now, so he ends up finding an unlikely friend in both Sun and y/n (well mainly bc Sun has zero filter and will blabber about everything he knows about y/n behind their back fireuigjregtuilg)

(and yes the roles could be swapped, as if you couldn’t tell I’m more of a Sun simp but I could absolutely see it working with an actual (non-afton) virus Moon. It’d certainly make more sense canonically… like over time he’d become less of a blank slate and more of a caregiver, so much so that management notices the shift in behavior of their Sun animatronic helping kids sleep during naptime (something he learned to do to get a stubbornly sleep-deprived y/n to sleep lol) so they modify Sun’s body to include Moon’s actual form.

[141trash]

AN: so I know its not exactly simon x reader its all platonic, but I wasn't sure how else to tag this. Actually if you squint it could be Ghost x Soap I'll let you decide :) Sometimes my brain says things should exist so I write them. Loosely borrows the Master of Death concept from the HP series because yes. She's my OC if you want to know more just let me know I mostly just wanted to practice writing Simon idk and wanted him to be comforted :(

"Let's say I believed you," the exhausted lieutenant's voice broke the quiet hiss of sand shifting in the warm breeze. He laid staring up at the cloudless blue sky, knife held limply in one hand. His balaclava was torn off and cast aside, leaving his face exposed to the unrelenting sun.

"Mhm?" Came the sweet voice, acknowledging his words and probing gently for him to continue.

"If I believe you're the master of death or whatever," he croaked out, throat parched, "Why me? Why save me? There're billions of people who deserve to be saved over me."

Her head cocked to the side, observing him for a moment.

"Why do you believe you're not worth saving?" she asked instead of answering. Simon let out a harsh laugh interrupted by a bout of coughing and a resigned grunt of pain.

"y'just need to look at me to know that love. My mask. I'm a killer. Got my family killed. My mum, my brother." he swallowed, voice cracking as he continued, "His beautiful wife, and their little boy."

He gulped feeling the hot sting of tears and used some of his waning strength to swipe them angrily away. When she didn't say anything he turned his head in her direction. It was hard to believe that he wasn't hallucinating. Sitting next to him in the middle of the desert was a six year old in a pink tutu and a burnt tiara of some sort, perched in her golden curls. Small hands drew shapes and patterns in the scorching sand as if the temperature didn't affect her. Big innocent green eyes bore into him in a way that very much felt like she was staring into his soul.

"The skull mask was an interesting choice," She agreed dryly, "I won't disagree that you're a killer either, given your chosen profession. But you didn't get your family killed. The actions of others are not yours to take the blame for."

"Y'r surprisingly wise for a kid."

The master of death rolled her eyes and smiled, revealing a set of pearly white teeth, "Today I'm a kid."

"Sure. like tomorrow you're not goin' to be."

She gave a shrug of her shoulders, "Maybe, maybe not. It's not exactly my choice."

"Y'didn't answer my question." he coughed again, "If you're the master of death. Why me?"

"I don't make those decisions. I think death would be rather cross with me if that was the case. Everything dies at some point. It's part of the cycle. But death says I'm still ruled by my human emotions. If I had the choice, I don't think I would let people die. And then there really would be no point to life."

He laughed again and then groaned, the side where he'd been shot throbbed horribly.

"You sure you ain't just here to kill me?" Simon wheezed out, hands tightening into fists, "Because it sure feels like it."

Tenderly she reached out and smoothed one of his hands, grasping at it with her much smaller one.

"Of course not Simon." she clucked her tongue as if to scold him, "Pain means you're alive. Keep living. Find your reason to keep living. It's important. You're important."

His vision was darkening with each passing second and her voice was growing murky, like he was hearing it underwater. Gasping in panic he forced his eyes open.

"It hurts," it came out as a whimper. She smiled sadly at him, bright green eyes wet with sympathy.

"I know sweetheart, but it won't be forever."

Then she was gone. The small, but reassuring grip she'd had on his hand disappeared and the panic fully settled in. He tried to call out to her. He didn't want to be alone again. Anything, but having to face the world alone again. He wanted to beg and plead for her to return, but his mouth refused to listen.

Rough hands grabbed hold of him, jerking him back to consciousness. When he managed to get his eyes open again he saw a familiar tanned, if a little blurry, face staring back at him with worry in his eyes. Johnny. Johnny was there.

He saw the sergeant's mouth moving, but he couldn't hear. All of his senses were on fire, everything was too loud, to rough, too painful. No part of him didn't hurt.

He was alive and Johnny was here. Weakly he lifted a hand to grasp the shoulder of the Scottish man's vest.

"You're here." was all he managed to gasp weakly attempting to smile before his mind gave out and he fell into darkness. This time he gave in willingly. He wasn't alone anymore.

[moltengoldveins]

alright, I gotta talk about Star Trek for a second. Specifically, a certain episode from The Next Generation called ‘The Inner Light.’ And the…. Well frankly, the baffling effect it has on my father.

The Inner Light is an extremely simple episode, all things considered. It’s one of the episodes where the whole point is to let Patrick Stewart gnaw on a philosophical question for a week and then set him loose in a contained set with very few actual recurring characters, and it shows. We see maybe two or three new sets, tops. The story is (spoiler alert, it can honestly be watched without any prior Star Trek knowledge at all so if you want to do that, you can) as follows:

The ENTERPRISE comes upon a small satellite of unknown origin while traveling. It appears inert. When scanned, it awakens and sends a concentrated beam through the cockpit and directly at Picard, who had stepped to the front of the room into direct line of sight so he could be visible to the camera call. He immediately passes out, and the medical team who is called in cannot tell what’s wrong, only that attempting to block the beam leads to Picard’s immediate near-death.

Meanwhile, Picard, dressed differently, wakes up in a sickbed in the living room of a cozy home. A woman claiming to be his wife is relieved at his recovery, but as he begins to speak, demanding to know where he is, she pretty quickly concludes that something is wrong and that Picard is still feverish. Slowly, he works his way through a slew of new people and places, all insistent that he is and always has been their friend, Kamin. Their culture is bright and lively, their people kind and welcoming, and despite ‘Kamin’s’ amnesia, they are more than willing to help him adjust.

It takes years for him to accept this new reality, but Picard lives an entire life as Kamin. He has children. He has grandchildren. As time goes on, the ‘drought’ present in his country grows worse and worse, the sun grown brighter and brighter, until it becomes obvious that the star, and the planet with it, is dying. The people don’t have the technology for space flight, and Picard despairs of saving anything of their culture, their way of life.

Then, as a frail old man, he hobbles with his grandson out to see a rocket launch, and faintly recognizes the shape of the satellite. That’s his satellite: his white whale, the thing that brought him here.

This entire life has been a dream: a desperate last ditch attempt to preserve the culture of a planet by sending a satellite out to find someone and making them live a life within the cultural tradition. No better way to make sure someone respects the natives than making them a native, right? Picard wakes up twenty minutes later on the Enterprise, barely coherent, only the faintest memories of his captaincy. He is forever changed, and the only real remnant of his life in the dream is a flute that was packed in amidst the satellite computers. The story ends on Picard, clutching that last little bit of his home like a lifeline, devastated at the fact that his planet isn’t just gone: it hasn’t existed in millennia.

my dad Sobs at this episode. Every single time. At first I didn’t know what about it touched him so much, but then my sister made a pretty salient point: this is kinda horrifying in concept. This is a complete violation of Picard in every possible way. Literally everyone in the story is walking around him on eggshells after he explains what happened because that is a deeply painful wound. The planets people have essentially manufactured the experience of loosing ones entire life and culture and being forcibly displaced in a foreign environment and made to adapt or die… twice. Picard finds himself a diaspora among people who cannot and will not understand or accept that twice.

And my dad didn’t even hesitate to respond “it was worth it. It was absolutely worth it. To preserve the culture? I would have done more, done worse. That’s important enough to justify that.”

I don’t know what I think about this episode, and whether the actions taken by the people are worth the suffering they inflict on Picard. I DO know that my dad scoffs at the idea of ‘Indigenous People’s Day.’ He rolls his eyes when people bring up Black Lives Matter. He’s actively defended Andrew Jackson in conversation with me. He’s not all bad, he’s learning, and he’s gotten better over time, but the fact remains: he is a hard-and-fast white conservative with absolutely no respect for any culture other than his own, and no understanding for why anyone would want to preserve their own heritage…. Except.

except he cries when watching The Inner Light. Except he does understand why someone would want to preserve their heritage. He just hasn’t made the logical leap from that to people who don’t look and sound like him, and that fascinates me. To me, that episode seems like a blatant metaphor for the cultural conservation efforts happening today, but for him? Apparently not?

it’s just so odd to me, and so convicting. My father is an incredibly intelligent upright man. He puts immense effort into his relationships and is always learning and growing to be better. And he STILL has blind spots big enough to miss something like that. It makes me wonder what blind spots I have that the people around me can’t possibly imagine missing.

it’s just… interesting, is all.

[sol-consort]

As much as you love the fact that humans are a sociable and communal species, I'm sure you're going to love the Angara.

Their society is based on the expression of emotions, being open and governed by well-being, not only physical and social but also psychological.

They have huge families where they are not even related by blood. And when a new couple forms, they literally merge the families' surnames.

You're absolutely right on the money! The more I'm learning about angara the more I'm falling in love with them.

The fact they wear their hearts on their sleves but are never naive. The fact they are so emotional intelligence and consider it the norm to voice their feelings out loud even if it causes disagreements because it let's people work through it.

Humanity is a constant masquerade, all the invisible tests and social cues. The angara literally defy a lot of the things we have stubbornly latched on into because of our fears.

We play hard to get, we lie about our feelings, we isolate and ghost people rather than face then head on. We downplay how much we love someone, we rarely hand out compliments.

We consider the first person who says "I love you" in a relationship to be the losing one. Love is war in humans. A constant test and guesswork.

So for the angara to come and simply...speak everything out loud? Without fear of embarrassment or rejection? It will intimidate so many humans.

The way Jaal complimented Peebee so openly and Cora tried to make him embarrassed about it but his only reaction was to compliment her too and she fell silent. We have to be constantly under 13 layers of irony to function, otherwise we die from embarrassment and shame.

Fuck when Jaal talked about having many mothers, I melted in my chair. Not only are they so beautiful looking with skin that reminds of galaxy and stars as their white markings, but they are so filled with love for each other.

Because at the end of the day, love is why any of us even bothers living. Be it love for one's children, or love for your passion work. Even love for another or simple love like videogames or dogs.

If love didn't exist, life wouldn't be worth living. We want to live and not just survive, we fall in love with the universe, art, concepts, and people constantly.

But none of us speaks it. And none of the speices in mass effect are bold enough to confess it. The closest ones were the humans with their enthusiasm and clear burning passion but even then, we let out actions speak our love rather than our words.

So, for the angara to come and achieve everything we've written millions of psychology guides for just naturally? The fact there was a couple clearly hugging each other and confessing their love inside the military resistance base so openly and their commander never barked at them to let go or stop? It's truly the alienating experience.

I envy them man. They have the social structures that humanity wished it had, constantly dreamed about but could never commit to. Because of our pride, our ego and fears.

I like to think the reason Ryder agrees to help the angara so much, not just to earn their trust but because humans see the angara and immediately have this urge to protect them.

They're so beautiful inside and out, so filled with love and acceptance for one another. So interested in their own community and safety. Fuck, the fact they need the sun to thrive is so poetic, they're like this beautiful garden of roses amidst such harsh environments. Of course, humans are gonna build a greenhouse to keep them alive during the winter. Are you kidding?

humans are such simps for these things.

Also, it is funny how the Angara and Protheons are on extreme opposite poles of one another.

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

I was reading your metas and came across the part where you said he wanted her to already be in love with him and wanted his money back and..what does that even entail for him? He wanted an obedient slave? Ok but he still wouldn't have trusted her. He still wouldn't have been happy.

This is the full text of what I said in that previous ask on the topic:

He’s been waiting for a sun summoner for an untold amount of time and has been building all his goals and desires around it. He keeps demanding her submission but that won’t get him her respect. He wants her to idolize him and to agree with everything he does. In her he wants a companion in immortality and a starry eyed acolyte. He spent all this time thinking the sun summoner was the key to all of his life’s woes, and then Alina shows up and WRECKS his shit. he feels ripped off!! He wants his money back!! But also desperately, desperately wants her to magically have always been the person he wanted her to be.

Worth noting that that is from a meta post where I’m explaining my characterization choices for a fic I wrote. But I do think that’s still accurate of (my interpretation) of his canon characterization anyway.

I can’t tell whether you mean “happy” as in actual happiness or in the sense of being satisfied. Though either way, you’re absolutely correct!

Regardless, these two things do tie in together to be honest. In the sense of happiness: he is a withered, miserable husk of a person. I don’t think at this point he’s really capable of being happy.

There is so much about his backstory we don’t know. But it is explicit that he didn’t start out an unfeeling monster. Demon in the Wood does go out of its way to establish that. But it also establishes his ruthlessness from a very young age and ability to do difficult things to save himself. But he’s so goal oriented and those goals are usually at the cost of any immediate, real happiness. Throughout his life, he’s kept making sacrifices, of himself and others, in the name of his larger goals, but the growing cost in his wake means that the things he’s striving towards get loftier and loftier in order to be worth it. It’s pure sunk cost fallacy.

Meanwhile, age is itself corruption for him. As he accumulates wealth, luxury, and power, and in turn loses touch with humanity and becomes increasingly jaded, his concerns become more self-centered and power driven rather than based in genuine moral ideals.

Outliving everyone he’s ever known multiple times over solidifies his growing selfishness, because what is a few hundred, or thousand lives to him, when they will all be dead within a heartbeat anyway? He might be trying to “save Ravka” from a nationalist standpoint, but the people that make up the country itself are fully disposable. Like we see by Shadow and Bone, his take on Grisha liberation is literally just fascism.

So at the tail end of at least five hundred, to possibly one thousand years, we have a corrupt despot, sitting on an endless pile of corpses, and lifetimes of genuine personal misery, who still believes himself to be the ultimate martyr, and that there is going to be— there must be— some sort of return on his enormously outsized and dearly purchased investments.

And he expects that return to be Alina.

Tangentially, something that really annoys me about this series is that, for all its focus on weighing legend and fable with reality, and trying to find the truth in stories that have been twisted by time and repetition, is that we get absolutely zero sun summoner lore, despite the strong implication that it does exist. The show makes some paltry attempt at giving us something about it being almost a prophecy? That there is some sort of, explicitly religious, story that a sun summoner will come and save Ravka or some such thing. The books don’t have even that.

We know that there is concept of sun summoners as something that could potentially happen, because they have a name for Alina’s ability the moment she’s discovered— even though there’s no indication that there’s ever been anyone else who shared the same power. But we never hear how, what exactly the expectations are, or for how long that’s been known.

What also know that the Darkling is waiting for one. And from how he speaks to her, he seems to view her as almost a cosmic reward and salve for his suffering. I do not think he’s exaggerating when he talks about how she was “meant” to be his/his balance or how she was “meant” for the amplifiers that he intends to bolster his destiny to rule. I think he fully believes in some sort of fate or grand destiny for the both of them, or rather for himself, and she is just a branch of that.

This is reaching pure conjecture, but there is the implication that shadow summoning only exists because of Ilya Morozova’s dabbling with merzost. And it itself highly seems to predate any iteration of a sun summoner ever existing, so the theory that one might ever come to be is literally because someone needs to offset the Darkling. (The series is generally very “what about Baghra? idk don’t worry about it” in terms of… a lot of things when it comes to how unique Alina and the Darkling are lmaoo and I guess that applies here.) And there’s the one kind of throw away line of his in the first book about how Etherealki typically work in pairs, but *meaningful look* Alina doesn’t have one, that I feel further hints at this idea of them being a matching set. The worldbuilding itself is murky and hard to parse in its contradictions, but I think it’s safe to say that he personally views her as something created for him.

He is putting all of his misery, and insane desires and dreams accumulated over many centuries, at her feet and expecting her to be the fulfillment of it all. There’s no way she can actually satisfy that! It is a fully, completely unattainable standard. It will never be enough. “What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men” etc, etc.

I already said this in that fic meta, but it’s relevant again here: I do think that, genuinely, there’s no degree of submission Alina could ever offer that would be enough. Partially because his irrational desire for her preexisting unconditional love, where he wants an impossible scenario where she simply never went against him or hated him for anything he did, can never be met after their initial falling out, but also because his expectations are fully unattainable. It isn’t a void that any real, living person can fill.

So you’re fully correct, even if she was completely obedient, and star struck, and ready to listen to him in all things, even as he lies to her. Even if she were willing to believe he was completely justified and in the right for his plans of like cartoonish and genocidal world domination, he would not be happy with her! She would always fall short.

All of this is to say that what I find most compelling about the Grisha trilogy is its stylized-through-fantasy premise of a vulnerable protagonist whose identity is threatened to be entirely subsumed by the exacting desires of a cruel man. I think for all of its clumsy and more juvenile trappings— and how it doesn’t fully even engage with this theme that is integral to it, yet mostly exists in the margins— it’s a fairly interesting and complicated space to play with themes of abuse and grooming. And that’s usually the main lens I’m engaging with it through.

I hope that clarifies my point!

[yuniemaki]

On beiguang, yin/yang symbolism and the blessed dragon/fenghuang pairing

The Beidou x Ningguang ship in Genshin is heavily inspired by two main symbols in Chinese culture: Yin and yang, and the dragon and fenghuang pairing. In this essay (literally) I will deep-dive into the nuances of these two symbols that make this ship so complex and enthralling to me at least?!

Yin/Yang

Let’s talk a bit about the concept of duality in Chinese cosmology. Yin and Yang are complementary forces that interact together to represent duality and balance in all aspects, i.e a shadow (Yin) cannot exist without light (Yang).

Yin and yang are always opposite and equal qualities. Whenever one quality reaches its peak, it will naturally begin the transformation into the opposite quality: for example, a flower that blooms in spring (fully Yang) will wither and die back in winter (fully Yin) in an endless cycle.

This can be applied to all cyclic events in life, for example the rise and fall of things: Yang being the rise and yin being the fall. Creation (Yang) and entropy (Yin) are also two sides of the same coin. 

阴 Yin can be translated in several ways: the moon, concealed, overcast, hidden, shade. Generally, it represents the direction North.

The character 阴 can be broken down into two components:

The radical 阝, the graphical variant of 阜, meaning “mound, abundant, rich”, 

and the character 月, meaning “moon”.

阳 Yang can be translated as, male, the sun, overt, belonging to this world, activity. Generally, it represents the direction South.

The character 阳 can also be broken down into two components:

The radical 阝, the graphical variant of 阜, meaning “mound, abundant, rich”, 

and the character 日, meaning “sun”.

The terms “male” and “female” here don’t refer to gender specifically and are used very loosely – the Chinese believe in “feminine”/”negative” and “masculine”/”positive” energy as two halves of a whole, i.e. both must exist for balance to be. Neither can thrive without the other.

An interesting thing to note about Yin/Yang’s entomology is the way this phrase is written in Chinese. Chinese linguistics typically plac the “male”/”positive” energy first in the language, e.g. 男女, man-woman, and 天地, heaven and earth.

But in yinyang, 阴阳, the “female”/”negative” energy comes first. Scholars theorise that proto-Chinese society was perhaps matriarchal (Empress Dowager being more powerful than the Emperor), or that it was a way to challenge existing cultural preconceptions.

Dragon/Fenghuang

In Chinese mythology, the dragon and fenghuang are the two most powerful celestial symbols. The dragon represents "Yang" while the fenghuang represents "Yin”. 

The Chinese dragon is traditionally drawn without wings. Oftentimes it may be depicted together with a flaming pearl under its chin or in its talons. The pearl is associated with spiritual energy, wisdom, prosperity, power, immortality, thunder (electro!), or the moon.

The fenghuang is sometimes referred to as the “Chinese phoenix”, but it has a completely different mythos to the Western legends of rebirth and fire.

The fenghuang is a peace-loving celestial being that is believed to only appear in places blessed with the utmost prosperity and happiness. It is said to live atop the Kunlun Mountains, the Chinese version of Mount Olympus.

Together, the dragon/fenghuang pairing is known as the celestial pairing. The fenghuang is a symbol of luck, prosperity, and success; the dragon is a symbol of status and power. The two are said to strengthen each other when paired. Their union is a symbol of matrimonial bliss and more importantly - balance. 

Balance is a recurring theme in Beiguang, from Ningguang’s life and philosophy to Beidou’s (reluctant) admission that Ningguang balances her (more on that later when we deep dive into them individually).

It’s also worth noting that in some areas, the dragon/fenghuang symbol only appears to herald a new era - very much like what Liyue is going through now, heralding a new era of humans without an Archon’s guidance. And how fitting is it that the two most powerful women in Liyue now carry this symbol as they lead the nation into uncharted waters?

How Beiguang parallels Yin/Yang

The duality of Yin/Yang is visible in many aspects of life, from nature to society. One example is the sun moving across the sky. As the sun moves across the sky, things that are once illuminated (Yang) give way to shadow (Yin), revealing what was hidden, and hiding what was revealed.

Similarly, it represents the crux of Beidou and Ningguang’s relationship: infamously public yet ultimately secretive. The Captain and Tianquan talk about each other all the time, but what exactly is their deal? No one really knows.

Another example is their prized homes. The Jade Chamber is known to block out the moon over Liyue, yet is iconic in its skies – literally seen as the moon. It is passive in nature, still and motionless, and is also the epicentre of intelligence - aka covert activity. All these are symbols of Yin. 

Now we don’t know exactly where True North is in Teyvat’s map, but Polaris, the North Star, has always been known as a fixed point in the sky, which is why sailors use it to navigate their way home.

Similarly, the Jade Chamber is this fixed point in the sky of Teyvat that could be used as a “North Star” to return to Liyue Harbour. North is, after all, the direction that Yin represents.

I digress a little here, but also consider that Beidou is the Chinese name of the Big Dipper, the very constellation used to point sailors towards Polaris. We know from Beidou’s namecard that she believes in looking to the skies when she wavers, and “the stars shall light the way”.

There’s a poetic beauty in the Jade Chamber being representative of Liyue’s Polaris, and Beidou finding her way back to her “North Star'' each time the Alcor sails for home. 

Back on topic. In contrast, the Alcor on the other hand, is constantly moving and full of activity. It sails across the oceans; it is a symbol of power much like Beidou herself is (slayer of Haishan, Beidou tames the seas). 

And just like the sun, the Alcor docks and leaves Liyue Harbour - a reflection of how only the sun travels across the sky, illuminating different sides of the moon that patiently waits for light to be cast upon its surface (again, something we’ll return to later).

Water itself can also be separated into Yin (still bodies, lakes) and Yang (moving water, river, ocean). The Jade Chamber is home to still bodies of water (Yin symbol) both inside and out; the Alcor’s very home is the ocean, a powerful Yang water symbol.

Ningguang and Yin/fenghuang symbolism

Alright, let’s deep-dive into Ningguang’s character first. Her strongest fenghuang link is seen mainly in her namecard, and it carries a lovely name:

凝光・凤仪 (Níngguāng - Fèngyí): the admiration/ceremony/rites of the fenghuang

The duality of the fenghuang

What’s interesting about the fenghuang is its duality: in ancient times, the fenghuang was a cohesive yin/yang symbol on its own. Over time when the dragon came into the picture, the fenghuang was altered. When paired with the dragon, it now symbolises Yin. But alone, it symbolises Yang instead.

And that’s why Ningguang’s storied history reflects elements of Yin/Yang balance. She rises (Yang) to power by herself; she retreats from the public eye, hiding (Yin) in the Jade Chamber, yet she is known to publicly flaunt (Yang) her position as a member of the Liyue Qixing.

The diverse nature of the fenghuang and its original symbolism as balance in and of itself contributes to Ningguang’s enigmatic nature, and why she has so many seemingly contradictory opinions - fame being usually associated with Yang, yet secrets being more of Yin.

When the dragon/Yang is not there, the fenghuang shines, becoming the “sun”/Yang - Ningguang is, after all, the de-facto leader of Liyue at this point. She has the awe and the attention of the masses, her chamber is unmissable, she is a ruthless business mogul yet adored by the children like an elder sister. 

The parts of a fenghuang

It's also interesting to note that the fenghuang's body parts represent Ningguang's character well: 

virtue (head), 

duty (wings), 

propriety (back), 

credibility (abdomen), 

and mercy (chest).

Beidou and Yang/dragon symbolism

Perhaps the most obvious link between Beidou and the dragon is her Chinese title: 无冕的龙王 Wúmiǎn de Lóngwáng - “Uncrowned King of Dragons”.

She is specifically given the title “King”/王wáng instead of “Queen”/女王Nǚwáng - masculine energy being a strong Yang quality.

A symbol of Yang quality

Unlike the fenghuang, the Chinese dragon has always been a representation of Yang, which is why Beidou’s character very clearly represents the quintessence of Yang: well-liked, respected, reputed, masculine (in her feats - slaying Haishan, leading a pirate fleet, taming the seas), always on the move, never on land for long.

Traditionally, the dragon has always symbolised power and confidence. The Chinese dragon is the ruler of water and weather, especially moving bodies of water such as the sea, which might suggest why Beidou is able to navigate the sea so very well, to the point that her crew “believe her capable of taming the storms and billows on the sea.” 

She also “understands” the sea almost intimately, as seen in her CN voiceline “About us: an eye for people”:

“I’m good at reading people. When you’ve seen the wide ocean, the little splashes (changes) on people’s faces are just too easy to understand. Haha, so, I noticed you from the start.”

Beidou refers to the “changes on people’s faces” as “小水花/splashes (of water)”, implying that once you learn to read the sea (often known as a cruel mistress), people become easy to read in comparison. And to read the sea, you observe. You study every wave, every detail, so you can understand her subtleties. 

Despite being a pirate, Beidou’s dragon-symbolic traits show up in her honourable personality, her ability to command the loyalty of her crew, and her commitment to helping the less fortunate.

The dragon's history

Initially, the dragon was benevolent, wise and just, but the introduction of Buddhism added malevolent influence to the dragons. Water can raise and water can destroy. So dragons became able to destroy through floods, tsunamis and storms. 

Similarly, that could also be why Beidou, although symbolising the dragon, was also named to be a cursed child – perhaps a tribute to the dragon’s newfound duality.

Yin/Yang Symbolism in relation to Beiguang

Okay, we’ve got that all down, so now we can study Beiguang in the context of Yin/Yang and dragon/fenghuang symbolisms. Remember the bit earlier about how the sun is the only celestial body to travel across the sky in astrologers’ eyes, illuminating different sides of the moon? 

Present-day Ningguang resides in Liyue Harbour and (as far as we know) rarely leaves the nation. Beidou comes and goes as the sun rises and falls, and it is with her return that we have been seeing different facets of Ningguang come alive under the light of the sun (Yang). 

Ningguang has a voiceline in particular titled “About Us: Observing”. There is one key difference in the CN version of this voiceline, which I’ll translate:

“You’ve followed me for so long, (I’m sure) you’ve learned how to observe. Then, try to observe me, until you become my trusted confidant.” 

She asks Traveler to observe her. But what can you observe in the obscured until it is illuminated? Who illuminates her beyond the Tianquan that the masses know? 

Most of the key Liyue events in 2021 featuring Ningguang, Archon Quest aside, have also featured Beidou in some capacity. And we learn the most about Ningguang from and through Beidou, like how Yang casts light on and reveals what was previously hidden (Yin). 

Romantic gestures aside, their business relationship is also reflective of the dragon/fenghuang motif. Now the dragon symbolises the Chinese Emperor, known as a descendent of the celestial dragons, and the fenghuang symbolises the Empress. To be more specific, the fenghuang represents "power sent from the heavens'' to the Empress. 

This brings me back to the way Yinyang is written: female first. 

Traditionally although the empress dowager (Yin, fenghuang) supposedly holds more power than the Emperor (Yang, dragon), she works from the shadows, often more covertly. For all intents and purposes, the emperor has the final say. Similarly, Ningguang uses Beidou to do her dirty work.

Yin/Yang - two halves of a whole

Beiguang is essentially a perfectly balanced couple, and the game alludes to this in various ways. One is this interaction between Paimon and Beidou during Moonchase, after Ningguang and Beidou have their little squabble in front of the giant rock and all their friends:

The idiom she uses for "evenly-matched" (势均力敌) is usually used in context of a game/polls/tournament/etc. If you break down the etymology, it literally means "power/influence are equal (in a situation), (so our) strengths match".

Reminder that yin and yang are not just equals - they are also opposite qualities. Life and death, light and darkness, rise and fall. This is why Beidou and Ningguang “profess antipathy to each other’s way of life”, and yet they are united for Liyue’s greater good. They are the direct opposites of each other (law vs crime, elegance vs boorish, luxurious vs simple, light vs dark), but they are also equals. 

And Ningguang values this very much -

“Of the many candidates available, she picked Beidou.” 

She values time as her greatest resource, making businessmen bid for her time - but Beidou is given the permission to “come up any time” for a game of chess. 

All that said, their yin/yang dynamic is not new in Chinese romance stories. Off the top of my head, the titular characters of C-drama Who Rules The World essentially share the same Yin/Yang dynamic as Beiguang does. It’s a lovely trope that adds great complexity to character dynamics.

I do love how hyv has interwoven the dragon/fenghuang symbolisms deep into their lives however, such that Ningguang and Beidou both live and breathe the cultural symbols that they are inspired by, rather than letting it simply be a romantic trope. 

Beiguang nation, this be my first gift to you. Hope it’s been a fun read! Next up: GINKGOS.

Beiguang masterlist

[stargazer-sims]

Sims Say the Darnest Things: When you get this, list five of your characters and their best quotes so far. Then pass it on to five other storytelling simblrs.

Thanks for the ask @wannabecatwriter !

Tae Lee (a.k.a. Tai’xarumin) - “From my perspective, you abducted me,” Tae says. “You made me quit my job and take you on a tour of known space.”

bonus Tae quote - “Either one,” Tae says. “Anyone can be a rainbow and bring joy to others after the rain. Kindness is gender nonspecific.”

Sakuharu Abe - "So you weren't trying to use grilled cheese as like, a metaphor for life, or something?"

Nikolai Pavlenko - "No, it won’t, but you’re starting to learn that life is full of change, aren’t you? And the more life experience you get, you’re going to learn that change isn’t always a bad thing."

Victor Okamoto-Nelson - "I'll concede that I let him get away with a lot, but I love him, and I've learned that love is just as much about helping your loved one learn and grow as it is about all the warm, fuzzy stuff. Sometimes growth is hard, and it might not feel like progress at all when you're going through it, but the end result is usually worth it.

My Grandpa Michael says love is like growing roses. You might not want to cut them back, but pruning them actually helps them get stronger. He says you've got to be careful, 'cause you also have to know when to prune them and how much to cut."

Yuri Okamoto-Nelson - "How lucky we are, I thought as we sat amid the falling leaves in the late-morning sun. Some people live their whole lives and never find what Victor and I have found in one another. I think there are people who don’t even believe the concept of soulmates exists. I feel sad for them, that they’ll never know what we know."

__________

Participation is optional, as always. If you don't want to do this or you've already done it, no worries! Feel free to ignore this.

Instead of sending asks (because I always forget who I've inboxed), I'm going to tag @enniewritesathing @shesthespinstersimmer @dandylion240 @lynzishell @rebouks

[a-midsummer-nights-dab]

Existentiality

We Come From Nothing, as We Return To Nothing.

That's the thing about human life. We, as a social species, the Homo Sapiens that we consider ourselves to be, the self aggrandised denizens of the cosmos who consider ourselves superior, are in fact, just cosmic accidents. Barnacles on the container ship of existence, if anything. We attach emotion, a pathetic redemption at sanity, to physicality, as a desperate attempt to provide seemingly significant meaning to life, while in fact, it can not be so. Even the greatest of Titanics will sink one day, struck by the simplest of icebergs. Nothing lasts forever, not even the most egoistic of human legacies.

Acceptance of failure is something the human brain simply does not accept. It keeps looking for a possibility, a rip of light in the void of impossibilities. Surprisingly enough, we sometimes do find answers, though they may not be the exact ones we think them to be. We say Life has worth, but does it though? What exactly is the point to it all? Is the adventure really worth it? To borrow a line from An Imperial Affliction, there was a time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be a time after.

Perhaps it's not about the ends after all. Life arose from nothing, ergo anything that began, shall end. Perhaps it's about now, the brief span in time that we've been gifted with. Perhaps it's not about forever, which is in effect, an incorrect concept, as the diabolically variant onward march of time brings our species, and all of existence in fact, to a state of complete entropy. Perhaps it's about the journey, not the destination. Each life is individualistically lived in a different state of consciousness, therefore no life is better lived than another. Although we will be forgotten in the due course of the fourth dimension, we are always on the outlook for a something, a something we will possibly never understand. Hope in fact, is the only thing that fuels humanity, that the sun will shine on us once again. Perhaps there is something ulterior to this all, possibly beyond the meagre intellectual limits of human imagination.

It is time we find out.

Godspeed.

[glitchydyke]

hiiiiii mj!!

*i immediately magic the Weather To Be Good (raining here D:) and we are sitting outside in the evening sun on a picnic blanket with kitties in our laps and nice drinks with us*

explain final destination to me pretty please?? 👀

WHADDA HELL… KITTIES

HIIII LEKHA HI SO!!!! i’m only on the first movie rn (there’s 5) BUT. essentially each one is abt a character who has a psychic premonition of themself and a bunch of other ppl dying in a horrific freak accident (in order of each movie it’s plane crash, car pile up, rollercoaster accident, car pile up part 2: NASCAR edition, bridge collapse). when they come out of the vision theyre. yknow. freaked out abt that. so they manage to avoid the accident and save the lives of several ppl around them bc of the fact they now know what’s going to happen. and for a while everything is great and everyone holds hands and sings yay we didn’t die 🫶 BUT death is inevitable and so it begins to chase the survivors. and one by one they all start to die in increasingly horrific ways in the order they WOULD have died in during the accident if they had been there. and as this happens the rest of the group are desperately trying to keep themselves alive now that their existence at its core is a threat to their own lives. i just think it’s a rlly fun concept and the core message is that. you can’t outrun death. you will always have a time limit and you could die at any second and you can’t escape that, you can only live your life and make what time you have worth it. a little bit existential but that’s okay 💪

[testicoolarcancer]

Enkidu as Social Lichen

In hierarchically organized cultures throughout history, humans have had a tendency to view themselves as above other creatures and, above all, as individuals. Self-reliant and free-willed, humans have walked the planet and conquered. Or so the story goes. Indeed the human would not have been able to survive without fruits on the trees, the blossoms, the pollen, the bee, the seed, the rain, the sun. Civilizations would have never emerged were it not for the existence of networks of forests (and interdependent mycelium) with which they have built their walls and fields. Even more is to be said on this in relation to divisions of labor within human societies.

We are all like lichens. We are all lichens in the sense that forms of life and their material contributions cannot be separated from one another. Individuals are the algae that lives upon the form provided by our environmental territories of fungus. We exchange the fruits of our labor and consume.

Even one of the oldest stories surviving, The Epic of Gilgamesh, displays this humanist-individualist bias. At the same time, it is not in the slightest exempt in portraying fragments of reality and its characteristic exchanges. This is particularly the case with Enkidu, the creation of the earth goddess Aruru and the agriculture god Ninurta (I.201-204)  who is “Coated in hair like the god of animals” (I.209). As a catalyst of the story and Gilgamesh’s counterpart, Enkidu is central to the way the story and the titular Gilgamesh develop and is all the more important to analyze in this symbiotic respect, through the expression of the lichen.

The description of Enkidu’s behavior being shaped by the standards of his environment throughout the text represents Enkidu as a character who evolves to the shape of territories (such as nature and civilization). Despite this, Enkidu maintains a place as a reminder of the inherently symbiotic relationships that characterize material reality with each evolution he experiences.

This paper will analyze Enkidu’s embodiment of social symbiosis through the expression of lichen. First, it will describe the defined fungal territories that Enkidu interacts with over the course of the story. Then, it will demonstrate how Enkidu acts as an algae to the fungal territories of nature and civilization through the way that his behavior is shaped and the way they contribute to each other materially and ideologically. Lastly, we will examine the ways in which the territories of nature and civilization’s attitudes on symbiosis contrast and find similarities in between.

It is worth noting- while lines 94 to 133 of tablet I of The Epic will be a primary object of focus, understanding the motifs of different territories and Enkidu’s interaction with them throughout the text can only be accurately achieved through the consideration of how they are expressed throughout the whole of The Epic.

Territory as illustrated throughout the Epic

Territory is the fungus upon which the individual grows. Words like environment fail to describe the expression of fungus in this sense, because it naturalizes the boundaries surrounding a circumstance. Socially and materially applied, the concept of the environment is actually one of scale with defined boundaries based around certain subjectivities of what falls under certain labels. The term territory recognises this constructed element. 

What is considered as nature in The Epic of Gilgamesh versus what is considered as civilization is separated by a very hard-drawn line. [Enkidu has sex with harlot] With the act of sex with Shamat, Enkidu is defiled and the animals who they had lived among their whole life abandoned them (I.1195-1202). Sex in this instance is seen as an impure act, despite it being a natural thing for all kinds of animals to engage in and the harlot being a priestess of Ishtar. Primarily, interaction with the human is what is viewed as causing his defilement. In analyzing Enkidu’s interactions further we will find out why.

Enkidu algae upon nature fungus

From the beginning of his life, Enkidu finds himself growing upon the fungus of nature-as-territory. The impacts of it on his lifestyle are immediate; he lives among the animals as an animal, even resembling them.

Coated in hair like the god of animals,

With the gazelles he grazes on grasses,

Joining the throng with the herd at the water-hole,

His heart delighting with the beasts in the water (I.109-112).

Sharing water with the beasts recognizing its significance to all of them, Enkidu lives like the animal algae around him. He lives with gazelles when grazing upon the grasses and any other sorts of animals at the water hole, not discriminating between different groups and going wherever he needs to be. But he also has a part in maintaining this territorial fungus. In (I.130-133), Enkidu helps the animals through destroying the traps set by a huntsman, slowing the human extension of work in the forests. A sort of sense of empathy is birthed in him through his constant interactions with various different types of animals that pushes him to do this. His understanding of the symbiotic relationships of the herd and the environment is ultimately established this way.

Enkidu algae upon Gilgamesh fungus

After Enkidu meets Gilgamesh confrontationally and becomes close friends with him, Enkidu’s ultimate tie to civilization is formed. Gilgamesh, who is so interested in proving himself worthy to be a god in a hierarchically-obsessed way drags Enkidu into areas where he is not comfortable acting, but their ties are so close in a way where he does so anyways.

Enkidu possesses no [kith or kin.]

Shaggy hair hanging loose……

He was born in the wild and [has] no [brother.]’

Standing there, Enkidu heard [what she said,]

And thinking it over, he sat [down weeping.]

His eyes brimmed with [tears,]

His arms fell limp, [his] strength [ebbed away.]

They took hold of each other and…….,

They [linked] their hands like……

Gilgamesh………, (II.175-184).

Gilgamesh’s decision to fight Humbaba is highlighted as foolish by his mother, Ninsun, who makes the point that Enkidu would be left without family were Gilgamesh to die and that proving his godliness in this way was selfish. Enkidu processes this fact and breaks down into tears, recognizing his reliance upon and care for Gilgamesh. Enkidu ends up fighting Humbaba with Gilgamesh out of more fear or his family than his own self-preservation. Enkidu contributes so much to Gilgamesh’s goal for civilization that he even cuts down Humbaba’s forest, much like the one he would’ve lived in when young, for little more than a sense of companionship.

Enkidu is constantly building Gilgamesh houses to sleep in and out of Humbaba’s forest once all of the trees are cut down (IV.171-174). He is constantly contributing to Gilgamesh’s goals without concern for his own needs and desires out of a sense of closeness to Gilgamesh, his new assumed identity within civilization. Conforming to the shapes of civilization’s fungus hurts Enkidu, eventually killing him as he fights the Bull of Heaven and Ishtar on behalf of Gilgamesh.

Fluid nature versus static civilization

After examining the different ways in which Enkidu was impacted by living a part of nature and civilization territories, it is interesting to look closer at the contrasting attitudes around concepts of symbiosis between the two and the different ways in which resources are allowed to be allocated. For instance, on (I.109-112),

All his body is matted with hair,

He bears long tresses like those of a woman:

The locks of hair grow thick as barley,

He knows not a people, nor even a country.

In Enkidu’s original state, we see a marked absence of identity and a blend of characteristics that would suggest his belonging to three pairs of opposing identity groups. Firstly, the comparison of Enkidu, a humanoid figure, with an animal that is coated in hair. Then a woman, whom Enkidu’s pronouns do not align with. Then, a lack of a formal sense of citizenship despite living with the herd. In (I.105-112), 

he is displayed as grazing with gazelles and joining other animals to the watering hole. On the fungus of nature, Enkidu lacks identity outside of Enkidu, of transitioning between groups of animals in nature. Identity in nature is displayed along the lines of change and perceived absence, with fluid groups sharing resources and seeking safety in numbers in a way that has no qualms with expressing symbiotic relationships.

Looking again at the very boundary definer of civilization, the humanistic way that identities and their corresponding roles are assigned can be seen to contrast the way they operate in nature. In (I.1195-1198), Enkidu is shunned by his herd for having sex with Shamat. Shamat is introduced as being a “harlot” almost inherently, with her role having been defined largely for her. In professions, the diverse material needs of the individual are ignored in favor of having people perform one instrumental, unnatural task that has little to do with their willingness to perform it. The way that this denies the basis upon which nature largely functions creates unhealthy situations, like when Enkidu is conscripted to fight against Humbaba by Gilgamesh most reluctantly out of a sense of dependence upon Gilgamesh (II.175-184).

Even the motif of being stripped of the ability to run in adjacence to purity is described.

Enkidu had defiled his body so pure,

His legs stood still, though his herd was in motion.

Enkidu was weakened, he could not run as before,

But now he had reason and wide understanding. (I.1195-1202)

The static and symbiotically denying identities of civilization have been applied to him, and he can no longer be a part of a collective group defined in their fleetness of going from one consumptive or productive identity to the next. He is posited as learning from this, however. He had learned the concept of a static and irrational boundary.

Ultimately similar underlying exchanges of material resources were taking place in both nature and civilization, but the lack of acknowledgement of this in civilization creates exploitable classes like Enkidu whose achievements ultimately are associated with legitimizing Gilgamesh, the one with the exalted identity of King.

Conclusion

In the end, the character of Enkidu is a sobering dose of symbiotic reality in a story full of otherwise humanistic messages. His interactions with nature and civilization display that despite the difference in attitude of the territories towards more fluid symbiotic ideas, they are both ultimately reliant upon its social and material existence. The weight of conforming to different territories can be crushing if the territory views your role as innate. We should all learn from Enkidu’s experience and move ourselves to fungi that allow us to grow and change. 

Bibliography

George, A. R. The Epic of Gilgamesh: The Babylonian Epic Poem and Other Texts in Akkadian and Sumerian. Penguin Books, 2020.

[daimonclub]

100 magnificent quotes

100 Magnificent quotes 100 magnificent quotes, great aphorisms, ideas, maxims and quotations by various famous authors selected for the World of English by Carl William Brown, the literary avenger. Oh, love isn't there to make us happy. I believe it exists to show us how much we can endure. Hermann Hesse Madness is something rare in individuals - but in groups, parties, peoples, and ages, it is the rule. Friedrich Nietzsche Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge. Plato The mirror is my best friend because when I cry it never laughs. Charlie Chaplin Aphorisms are the true form of the Universal Philosophy and containe the greatest quantity of thought in the smallest space. Friedrich von Schlegel Educate the children and it won’t be necessary to punish the men. Pythagoras If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them. Isaac Asimov Without goals, the very concept of intelligence is meaningless. Steven Pinker I suppose that in no educational institution can one become an educated person. Mikhail Bulgakov No one's fate is of any interest to you except your own. Mikhail Bulgakov Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment. Sun Tzu The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin A fool contributes nothing worth hearing and takes offence at everything. Aristotle By now humanity has become so imbecile that we often tend to mortify intelligence, in order not to offend stupidity. Carl William Brown Show respect to people who don't even deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours. Dave Willis Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. Bertrand Russell It is far better to be silent than merely to increase the number of bad books. Voltaire The more real you get, the more unreal the world gets. John Lennon The more intelligence you have, the more you will suffer. Arthur Schopenhauer

Voltaire quote Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most. Abraham Lincoln The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. Bertrand Russell Love on one side is not enough, love is a dialogue, not a monologue. Oriana Fallaci Interacting with people that don't like you it's a fundamental process to study human stupidity. Carl William Brown The measure of a man is what he does with power. Plato No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up, and never give up. Regina Brett The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Socrates Fashions have done more harm than revolutions. Victor Hugo A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears. Montaigne From each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs. Karl Marx There is nothing in the world so much admired as a man who knows how to bear unhappiness with courage. Seneca The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom. Isaac Asimov A man's manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait. Goethe I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party and I attended with my real face. Franz Kafka Without love living is easy; but it's meaningless. Leo Tolstoy Nobody is going to pour truth into your brain. It's something you have to find out for yourself. Noam Chomsky Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds! Bob Marley Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind. Plato Those who look for the bad in people will surely find it. Lincoln It is not the man who has too little, but ht eman who craves more, that is poor. Seneca

Nietzsche quote You can’t get much done in life if you only work on days when you feel good. Jerry West The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. Mark Twain In our society logics is intertwingled with nonsense, good things with evils ones, and most of the time you can't tell which is which, therefore there is nothing more truly realistic than stupidity. Carl William Brown Avoid doing what you would blame others for doing. Thales To destroy war, destroy patriotism. Leo Tolstoy I don’t trust anyone who’s nice to me, but rude to a waiter because they would treat me the same if I were in that position. Muhammad Ali Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist. Pablo Picasso A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. Seneca Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. Alber Camus Non serve a niente essere vivi, se bisogna lavorare. André Breton All cruelty spring from weakness. Seneca Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you. Dr. Phil McGraw Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life. Bob Marley For the Putrid President of Russia, remember Sun Tzu wise words, that is to say, the greatest victory is that which requires no battle. Carl William Brown Get busy with life's purpose, toss aside empty hopes, get active in your own rescue. Marcus Aurelius All media exist to invest our lives with artificial perceptions and arbitrary values. Marshall McLuhan Life is such a great a teacher that when we don't learn a lesson, it will repeat it. Anonymous Fishes live in the sea, as men do on land: the great ones eat up the small one. Pericles A bad system will beat a good person every time. W. Edwards Deming Our life is what our thoughts make it, used to say Marcus Aurelius, but I would add that sometimes it is even worse! Carl William Brown

Chomsky quote You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche Simplicity is not a mere idea. To be simple demnds a great deal of intelligence and sensitivity. Jiddu Krishnamurti People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them. Epictetus Disturbance comes only from within, from our own perceptions. Marcus Aurelius All higher humor begins with ceasing to take oneself seriously. Herman Hesse The longer I live, the more convinced I am that this planet is being used by other planets as a madhouse of the universe. George Bernard Shaw The task of the modern educator is not to cut down jungles but to irrigate deserts. C.S. Lewis Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil. C.S. Lewis A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer. Bruce Lee We have freedom of thought, now we need thought. Carl Kraus I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn't. Albert Camus No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another. Charles Dickens Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large group. Geroge Carlin The opinion of 10,000 men is of no value if none of them knows anything about the subject. Marcus Aurelius Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall. William Shakespeare Never depend on the admiration of others. There is no strength in it. Personal merit cannot be derived from an external source. Epictetus The old world is dying, the new world is slow to appear and in this chiaroscuro the monsters arise. Antonio Gramsci In most men, intelligence is a field which remains uncultivated for most of life. Eugène Delacroix Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is. Albert Camus Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. Helen Keller

Karl Marx Wise men speak when they have something to say, fools speak because they have to say something. Aristotle What moves those of genius, what inspires their work is not new ideas, but their obsession with the idea that what has already been said is still not enough. Eugene Delacroix Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. Helen Keller An honest man is always a child. Socrates Open your mind before your mouth. Aristophanes Neither Christ nor Buddha nor Socrates wrote a book, for to do so is to exchange life for a logical process. William B. Yeats Why should we feel anger at the world? As if the world would notice. Marcus Aurelius Love is the state in which man sees things most decidedly as they are not. Friedrich Nietzsche Only during hard times do people come to understand how difficult it is to be master of their feelings and thoughts. Anton Chekhov Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility. Sigmund Freud I no longer know if I wish to drown myself in love, wodka or the sea. Franz Kafka The first thing that reading teaches us is how to be alone. Jonathan Franzen There is no greatness where simplicity, goodness and truth are absent. Leo Tolstoy Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways. Sigmund Freud The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man. Charles Darwin Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you the test first and the lesson afterward. Oscar Wilde The most common form of despair is not being who you are. Soren Kierkegaard Each of us assumes everyone else knows what he is doing. They all assume we know what we are doing. We don’t. Philip K Dick Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. Benjamin Franklin Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at. Goethe

100 magnificent quotes to read He who knows all the answers has not been asked all the questions. Confucius Gentleness is stronger than severity, water is stronger than rock, love is stronger than force. Herman Hesse Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life. Bob Marley Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the world has known. I am inclined to say that it is the only real mode of individualism that the world has known. Oscar Wilde Everyday is like a fashion show and the whole world is the runway. Elegance is when the inside is as beautiful as the outside. Coco Chanel There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. Friedrich Nietzsche Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. Harry Emerson Fosdick If you wish another to keep your secret, first keep it to yourself. Seneca the Younger When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them. Confucius It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone... but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. Kahlil Gibran He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at. Epictetus L'amore è l'arte che non si impara mai e che si sa sempre. Benito Pérez Galdós The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have. Marcus Aurelius The more I think about it, the more I realize there is nothing more artistic than to love others. Vincent Van Gogh The greatest victory is that which requires no battle. Sun Tzu Facts or opinions which are to pass through the hands of so many, to be misconceived by folly in one, and ignorance in another, can hardly have much truth left. Jane Austen Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. Epicurus People may spend their whole lives climbing the ladder of success only to find, once they reach the top, that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall. Thomas Merton For we are all divorced from life, we are all cripples, every one of us, more or less. We are so divorced from it that we feel at once a sort of loathing for real life, and so cannot bear to be reminded of it. Fyodor Dostoevsky Don’t miss these other similar posts: 100 best quotes and aphorisms 100 magnificent quotes and aphorisms 100 brilliant quotes and aphorisms 100 famous quotes and aphorisms 100 memorable quotes and aphorisms 100 top great quotes and aphorisms 100 excellent quotes and aphorisms 100 great quotes and aphorisms on Love Great and famous philosophy quotes Quotes by authors Quotes by arguments Thoughts and reflections Read the full article

[horizonandstar]

OK SO. who want more thoughts of “heehoo i import sun and moon into my oc world :]”

i have Comics and Pictures in my brain that i cannot draw out so the next best thing is giant text post under the cut

lot of explanations and context incoming! i did not fucking realize that importing sun and moon into the world would actually be beneficial as all hell

they have inadvertently helped me worldbuild on the lore with all the gods and stuff and im actually happy with how it came out! i had god lore before with a bunch of pieces that i knew would happen but it was all janky, disconnected, and i just did not like it

pro tip that apparently works, at least for me: imagine what if blorbos exist in your oc world. you just gain free worldbuilding apparently

OK OK NOW ONTO THE SUN MOON PART. there’s still missing parts and i’m not done with them yet but here’s what i’ve got so far

sun’s name is gold and moon’s name is silver, and eclipse is their father (because i just like dadclipse for reasons that are unknown to me) and eclipse’s name is most likely saturn. shit does saturn even exist in this oc world. ANYWAYS i just straight up ripped the 7 planetary metals, i saw the associations that the several metals had with the sun/moon/planets and went oooh cool. this part may be scrapped or reworked later, it’s a bit shaky. it is really shaky actually

BACKSTORY: reincarnation is a thing in the oc world, maintained by the god of rebirth, whose role i originally created to stand in for the y/n character but now they’re an actual oc. oops. the god of rebirth is canon in the lore now. no more y/n character my bad

they are the one god that has no true name! assuming you know every god’s true name and everything, you hold the least power over the god of rebirth. the closest to a true name you can get is ouroboros, which is a title equal to god of rebirth anyways

to the other gods, ouroboros is known for being MIA, and very hard to track that it’s usually not worth the effort. the reason for that is because they’re usually off living their next life as Some Animal and keeps going to their next life. however, recent events means that it’s actually possible to track down ouroboros, now that they’ve stopped bouncing off to live their next life and are actually staying down as a god for this while

why? the world is Mega Fucked. gods are concepts given form, and some guy killed a majority of the pantheon. as you can imagine, this has some Extreme Consequences

the most relevant god to ouroboros (and some other gods) that got killed is the god of death. life, death, and rebirth are a trio of gods, and now death is missing, so life and rebirth have to step up. life is doing his best to pull people’s lifespans out and cut them shorter, which doesn’t work that well

rebirth has to keep a lot of things from coming back and living their next life, which makes them incredibly ill to essentially go against themself. the navigator, an entirely separate god that used to have nothing to do with all of this, is also stepping in to fill death’s role as best as he can by tracking down the wayward souls, and forcibly cutting people’s lives short if he finds them living past what should’ve killed them

everything is just not dying :V this includes disease too, so flu season is Hell On Earth

rebirth is still letting a few souls through, but keeping a lot of them behind what is basically a gate. 2 of the souls that rebirth lets through is sun and moon :]

WHAT WAS SUN AND MOON’S PREVIOUS LIFE BEFORE THEY WERE REBORN AS HUMANS? I’M GLAD YOU ASKED

THEY WERE GIANT FUCKING MACHINES FUUUUCK YEAH

the machine lore isn’t all that well built yet but before The Apocalypse, humans were just building giant machines and vibing with them. like i am imagining shadows of the colossus here (mainly the bird honestly) but they look a lot more mechanical

yes, the machines are alive. rebirth is also surprised, they thought they’d have to keep back the billions of microbes that made up the machine (like rain world!) from going to their next life, which, yeah, they did have to do that, but the machines themselves each counted as One Guy too which made rebirth go ! (exclamation mark)

rebirth is very excited about this and takes the opportunity to introduce themself to the boys when the 2 of them made a crooked little shrine in their backyard

eventually into adulthood, i have some possible events that might happen

1) moon nearly dies (he was like👌this close to dying and was in a lot of pain) when a Mysterious Person shows up, asks if he “accepts the consequences of their help” (he agreed), and then gets better!

the other living fears, if they ever meet him, call him Nyctophobia (they don’t even ask for his name) (why is spellcheck trying to get me to rewrite Nyctophobia into Arachnophobia). turns out the Mysterious Person was a living fear that turned him into one of their kin

except, Uh Oh, that sure had consequences! he and his family watches day by day as he becomes less human and become more of a living shadowy wisp. he becomes more hungry the more along the transformation is, until he figures out what his new form feeds on: the fear others have of the night and of the dark.

-side note: i say fear but it’s pretty flexible. fear, doubt, etc, as long as it’s a Thing the person embodies, they feed off of it. moon’s Person was Imposter Syndrome, who at one point, took the imposter part of it pretty literally

EDIT: i feel like i should describe moon’s meeting with this guy further. moon definitely knew something was up even before they opened their mouth, given that he was talking to his doppleganger

2) i’m not too sure what to do with sun. i’ve been juggling the idea of him becoming the emissary of a god! he gains powers, and in return, helps them with their duties and whatever tasks they assign him. i’ve been bouncing him as emissary of the moon or as emissary of the hunt

if he’s the emissary of the moon, he actually performs duties more related to the sun inside. the god of the sun is dead (which is why there’s a Big Fucking Ice Age and why a majority of humans live underground now), and the only person who can take over is the god of the moon, who’s doing a shit job at it since the sun is not under his domain and control

sun is going to struggle taking over the god of the moon’s solar duties though, since the powers he gets from this is related to the moon, not the sun

if sun instead becomes an emissary of the hunt (a position i thought of giving to moon a few times), then he hunts people down! it’s not limited to humans, anything that’s alive is free game. at some point, the god of the hunt joins the cycle trio (life, death, rebirth), filling in death’s missing role alongside the navigator (who guides people to rebirth)

[catson-meow-writes]

Mara Discovers the Secrets of the Universe // Part I

Oftentimes I start to question my existence but then I remember what Grandma always told me, her four rules to having a fulfilling life. 

1. Never question the universe.

2. Your first choice is always the correct one.

3. Never settle for anything less than you are worth.

4. We are never truly alone in this world.

When I was younger I was never able to quite grasp the concept of what she was telling me. The universe was such an abstract concept for a child to understand, not that it's any different now that I’m older.

Life has always been this box that seems to collapse in on itself whenever something soils it, and it seems as though the universe is judging those who collapse and those who make it through. 

When I begin to think of my own mortality it's usually when I'm alone in a dark room. But today it was in a well-lit room with small chatter from the people behind me. I don't know what prompted it to happen, it just did. All while I think of this I tell myself not to question the universe for it is an omniscient force that knows everything and nothing at the same time.

For the last couple of years, I have been the one to have to repeat that mantra. ‘So bit question, Everything happens for a reason.’ 

Sadly grandma died a couple of years back, no one ever really got to say goodbye. She used to write before she got sick. Her writing was always scraggly and most of it was gibberish and superstition. A lot has to do with the number four, which I find contradictory to her rules. The doctors say it was all dementia.

When I was younger my grandmother tried to stop me from doing anything on counts of four. I can't quite pinpoint why grandma would pick what she claims is an unlucky number for her list of rules to a happy life, but it's best to not question the madness.

•∆•∆•

January 2

If you are listening to this log then it either means I have succeeded in my efforts, I am dead, or you need to stop snooping around in my stuff. 

I am Mara and at the time of this audio recording, I am 23 years of age. I live with my mother and father. Throughout those 23 years, I have created a list of various anomalies I want to investigate, even if it means my inevitable demise.

I live my life by the guidance of four rules, but through these recordings, I will be documenting my experiences in the exploration of breaking rule number one and further exploring number four.

•∆•∆•

January 12,  9:12am

Today has been uneventful so far. Mom has served bland microwave oatmeal for breakfast, again. She says that it's good for me... How could something that tastes like this be good for anyone?  Anyways, I digress. Other than the oatmeal, this morning has been pleasant. The sun wasn't shining directly through my window and the weather was supposed to be partly cloudy with a low chance of rain, perfect for an adventure.

•∆•∆•

January 12, 10:00am

Mom yelled at me earlier for recording at the breakfast table and insulting her food. But now I am with my best friend in the entire world, Finnian. Say hi to the people, or otherworldly beings, who are listening. 

"Hello."

 And that folks is our very own Finnian. Would you care to tell them where we are going?

"Not particularly..." 

Gee, you're no fun! So anyway we are headed on our first adventure in a long while. This one promises to be something new and, hopefully, exciting.

•∆•∆•

January 12, 1:54pm

We are here at the Vulture City Mines [located in Wickenburg Arizona], which is rumored to be haunted by all those who have died there, how do you feel about that Finnian? 

"I don't like it. All of that is a load of shit and you know it." 

Hey! Language, you don't know who's listening to these recordings. 

Well no matter, Finnian here doesn't believe in the power of the universe or the afterlife or anything that has to do with anything that isn't happening in the quote-unquote now. Though he also doesn't believe in the concept of now. He thinks that there is only what is happening for one person. Now for me, it is different than now for him. Which I won’t say is wrong but it is just a silly notion to live your life by.

“Can you not talk about me like I'm not sitting right next to you?”

Sweet Finnian. He will never understand what I am trying to accomplish here.

Well, anyway, we are at the mines. I have to go now, I promise I'll record later.

•∆•∆•

January 12, 4:00pm

We have left the city. It wasn't that exciting. Maybe that has to do with it being daytime. Or maybe it was Finnian pretending that he didn't believe in the legends of the town. Well, no matter the cause, that trip was nothing special. Though the dog who ran around out front was a welcomed surprise. 

“I told you nothing was going to happen. Ghosts aren't real.”

It's always worth a shot. The universe works in mysterious ways. But that doesn't mean we can cross ghosts off the lists of things we need to investigate. When a scientist doesn’t achieve the results they desire they try again to see if they are at fault with their thinking or that the experiment was a fluke and they should try again.

•∆•∆•

January 13, 3:36am

Sometimes I feel like Finnian doesn’t like to talk to me when we're together. He dropped me off at the hotel and he said he would be back. That was about three hours ago. The room is cold, but I can't seem to find the thermostat. I'm sitting in the middle of the twin-sized bed, recorder held tightly in my palm. The walls are creaking, but not in the way of a house settling, they are almost screaming. I don't want to assume that it is a ghost, but this could possibly be my best lead after the disaster that happened today.

The creaking has stopped. I’m going to the vending machines a floor down. I am taking you with mean incase I don't make it back and we need proof that something, or someone, was after me,

The halls are empty, though I guess it is almost four in the morning. I can't help but feel that there is someone following me. The screaming in the walls has long since silenced and been replaced with creaking footsteps.

The carpet here reminds me of that book of a man losing his mind in a hotel, I can't seem to remember the name. 

“Ding Ding Ding Ding”

Fuck. I guess they have a clock somewhere in here. The footsteps have stopped. Once the clock struck 4 am the creaks and steps stopped. But the screaming is back. It's not the same as before. It was first a moaning scream. That of a typical ghost tall tale, this one. This one is shrill and like nails on a chalkboard. I hope you can hear what I’m talking about in this recording.

Ugh, I can't find the room number. I feel like I've been wandering for hours, going up and down flights of stairs. I can't find room 113. 

110, 111, 112 and 114. On the other wall, there are plaques reading 115, 116, 117 and 118. My room isn’t there which I don't understand. I never left the floor on my original exploration. The footsteps are back but they are faster now and the screaming is still there.

If Finnian were here he'd tell me in just hearing things. For once I'm hoping he’s right.

I think I saw someone or something go around the corner. I have to be quiet now.

•∆•∆•

January 13, ???am

I don't know how long it has been but there was definitely someone there with me. Their hair was long and it was able to flow in whisps around the corner. I tried following them and when I rounded the corner they were standing in front of a room. They had waist-length hair and a dress that reached the floor, it was a nightgown. What caught me off guard the most while looking at them was that their feet weren't touching the ground. I tried to call out to them but they didn't look at me. It wasn't until I started to move towards them did their head shot to look in my direction.

They had a long angular face, large glossed-over eyes that were swimming with fear and most shockingly was the open gash running just above their collar bones. We both looked at each other for a short time before they moved back down the hallway. I think I was in shock when they fled.

I had seen a ghost. Or at least what I think was a ghost. 

They are real.

I found my room. They were standing in front of it.

There were long bloody marks on the wood plaque containing the numbers. Four long marks.

•∆•∆•

January 14, 9:00am

Finnian was back in the room when I woke up about an hour ago. He was still fully dressed in his clothing from yesterday but claims he was back in the room not even an hour after he left me here.

“You were the one who was missing when I came back. The room was completely untouched, say for your suitcase.”

So you’re telling me that you didn't see anything weird on our plaque outside the door?

“For the tenth time, no Mara. I just saw our room number.”

0n that note, I think we may need to stay longer in this hotel to see more about what the universe has to offer us.

•∆•∆•

January 14, 1:13pm

Finnian has agreed to stay here with me. He said only for a couple of days but I think he is also starting to believe that something is not right here. 

We had lunch at a small diner off the side of the road. It was close enough to our hotel for us to walk there. I ordered pancakes that were double the size of Finnian's head.

“I don't know if I can take that as a compliment or not.”

Heh, take it however you want to. Anywho...

We're currently taking the walk back to the hotel. We’re off a frontage road and most of the people who drive by are making a wave in the air with their arms. They all look carefree. They're all oblivious to what has happened behind those neon-clad walls.

“For all we know you didn't know the time when you left the room. It's not proof of the paranormal.”

But it definitely could be! And you did agree to stay with me for a little bit longer in the hotel. You can't tell me something isn't off about that place.

“Just because I chose to stay and endorse your little fantasy doesn't mean I think something is off about the hotel. The scariest thing in that place has to be the carpet that clearly hasn't been vacuumed in months. Besides, why bother trying to find something that doesn't want to be found.”

But that's just it! If that apparition didn't want to be found then why did they stand there, why did they make themselves seen, at our door no less.

“You’re full of it.”

•∆•∆•

January 14, 3:11pm

This hotel is boring. Someone can only read the room service pamphlet so many times before going mad. 

I guess I could go around the hallways, but it's daylight so there might be more people outside than last night. 

Finnian had one thing right about this hallway, it isn't the cleanest. While some effort was made into keeping the fixtures on the walls clean the floor is stained with dark blotches. None of them look fresh, thank goodness. 

I am standing in the same place as when I first saw them. I still don’t know if they were real, the only reminder I have is the scratches above the room number, but whos to say that wasn't there before. But I guess I’m just rambling now. I wonder if anyone in their rooms can hear me or if they know I’m alone right now.

•∆•∆•

January 14, ???

I don't know what time it is. How long I’ve been in this hallway but I do know that I haven't passed by my room again. It seems like the hallways are an ever-extending chasm that I can’t seem to escape. No stairs, no elevator, no people and no room 113.

Update; I found a window. The sun is going down, casting a beautiful ombre on the sky. I don’t remember having seen another window in this building yet.

The footsteps I heard are back. This time they sound more rushed. As if now they have somewhere to go or something to get away from. I can’t decipher what direction they are coming from. 

I’m going to keep walking forward after the footsteps start and it sounds like they’re getting louder. The closer I get to them the more they are seeming to slow down to the pace of someone walking.

•∆•∆•

January 14, 6:00pm

I heard the clock chime six times. I guess now I at least know what time it is. Comforting. The footsteps haven’t stopped though I don't think I’ve come any closer to reaching them. Maybe whatever it is doesn't want to be found.

I'm back where I was when I first saw them round the corner. Rooms 110 through 118 but no 113. The moaning in the walls has once again coupled with the footsteps. 

Those eyes. I can see their eyes peering around the corner. The same glossed look and the same fear swimming in them. What are you so afraid of?

I round the corner again. They are in the same outfit and standing in front of the room, again. They have not tried to look at me and neither of us have moved. They are aware of my presence before them. 

What do you want?

They said nothing. They still haven't looked at me.

They're gone. I blinked and they're gone. Again the only reminder of their presence is the long, dark marks on the number plaque.

•∆•∆•

January 14, 10:23pm

There’s a creaking in the walls. Fin is asleep so I have to whisper not to wake him. God I hope you can hear that.

Creak, creak, creak, creak.

“Bang!”

Dammit! What the hell was that?! Fin, Fin, please wake up. 

“Huh? Mara, what the hell?”

[gloomycrayon]

Blog entry 02, 1st of January 24’

Morning

Good Morning, i hope you’ve rested well. Recently I’ve begun to dwell on the concept of Mornings, rather, their meaning, importance, routine. I myself have found myself heavily underestimating their significance, or rather effect. I suppose a day is just a day really. A day amongst many more to come and to have been, and yet it’s the realm we exist in, of course we also exist in weeks, months, years and centuries. You could just as well say that the realm we exist in are hours, minutes or seconds and technically science wouldn’t stop you from going further, to milliseconds, nanoseconds etc etc. But that’d be ridiculous. Starting every hour with a ritual would be terribly disruptive, every minute unthinkable and every second mad mans work. Every day however, possibly vital. By starting something with intention and care we give it significance, and i suppose we art to give our life significance. One more thing adding to the “day” as the one organizational level worth focusing on is the whole shtick with the sun of course. Day and Night. Wake and Slumber. We, in the name of human kind, base many of our rituals around the heavens. Yesterday for example, was New years eve. I met with friends (we hosted our annual murder mystery dinner, it was rather lovely) and at 23:50 we walked down to the lake, naturally everyone in the neighborhood did. At 00:00 everyone let their fireworks go off and it was incredible. I must add I (morally) can’t quite get behind fireworks but i won’t get into that now. I was in a sort of haze like state the entire time, the weight and importance of it all wouldn’t quite get to me, but everyone was going around hugging eachother, all happy and fuzzy and beaming. In this trance i was in, with the spectacle in the sky and everyone surrounding me i really couldn’t help but heavily admire their humanity. And that is how i came to think about the start of things, about time. it is important to give significance to both the beginning and the end. Baptisms, birthdays, anniversaries, new years eve, morning routines, nighttime routines, farewells, funerals. Its not only a way to bring structure into chaos but a way to make it bearable. We molded incidents into occasions and attached hundreds and hundreds of years of history, of humanity, of meaning to them just so that we wouldn’t loose our minds.

Back to Mornings. There is this quote that struck me as desperately poetic without the least intention to, it was: “stretch your tired body”. My own mother is very big on the topic of yoga. She works long hours, comes home late in the evening, watches a bit of television and goes to bed. That doesn’t seem like much, however she wakes early in the morning, mornings are very dear to her. For many years she has been keen and consistent on starting her day with yoga, she has pledged to me more times than i can count how much she adores it. To be frank i never could quite understand why, it seemed a bit dull and uneventful to me. That was until recently. Following the quote at the beginning of this paragraph, i did exactly that, stretched my tired body, it was then i understood that what’s so pure about yoga is the fact that you become aware of your existence on a carnal level. It’s such a peculiar, intrinsic sensation, the slight soft pain, feeling your fascia slowly elongate and give in to movement. You exit this old, rusty sleep ridden state you were in, leave your headspace and sort of come to live. Your mind connects to the holistic vessel that is your body, your flesh. That is exactly what it feels like.

Once more i am proven right by the universe that mother really does always know best.

I will go catch up on some sleep now, good night you, love A.l.

[welliguessimin]

I have thoughts about suicide and I'm gonna share them with you bc I'm bored and it came to mind.

I'm not against the concept of dying on your own volition. But I think that if you're doing it just to escape your life you should rather get help so that you can enjoy what you have. If someone truly longed to die for the sake of dying I wouldn't have anything really against it even if their loved ones might hate it. It's their life after all. Unfortunately I'm not sure any such person really exists, one who without mental illness or general suffering would want to die. Well maybe I could imagine some old people feeling satisfied with their time on earth but I'm not sure if that's a thing in reality or just in fiction. So on the whole I suppose we should prevent people from dying but I just have one more thought. Who are we to make their decision to live for them? We can't guarantee that it does get better, that they'll regret dying in favor of living, we can only try to be there and hope it'll be worth it. Who are we to look at someone and assume we know anything at all. Don't we euthanize animals who suffer regardless of their wishes, why is it humans must stay alive against their? But maybe being there is enough. To postphone their death for a bit and give them a bit longer to see the sun rise and leaves crunch and showers warm and if they still decide it's not worth it you've at least tried what you could.

[sacrilegious-skeletal-scribe]

vacuum trivia;

the average emotional density of a black hole

art has no defined shapes

there is no rule book, no curriculum, no diagnostic manual

everything’s art; the way the sun burns skin through the sieve of a stained glass window

the way fingerprints throb after hair dye and guitar strings have just spent the better part of an hour trying to destroy them

the way your heart drops to see a sliver of recognition from the other side of a camera

to see someone walk around with all the glamour of your lost friendships and best mistakes,

and think, ‘oh hey, hello! i remember you. i boxed you out of my personalty years ago, where’ve you been, how’s life?’

art can’t die, as long as it’s been witnessed

it can be destroyed, forgotten, molded into a skin sack of lost potential and left to rot, but it can’t die.

even if the only person to ever know it existed is the one who introduced and summarily parted it from existence, it’s still alive

maybe it was an embarrassment to your craft, maybe it was bland and a waste of thirty minutes, but it was thirty minutes. 

if tulips bloom for a day and get eaten by deer before the next morning,

the colors were still there. destruction does not invalidate past interaction.

art lives, unto itself, in a vacuum

it cannot be created in one, it cannot be consumed without noise getting added

but a scribble, a stained canvas, a novel, a life’s work, has no opinions of its own

it has the opinions of its owner, it’s creator, muse, god and executioner 

the knowledge accumulated by the sheer luck of being alive pressed against it by anyone who chooses to walk past and put their face on the glass, but the piece itself

it’s just words. it’s just thoughts, concept, schrödinger’s masterpiece

is it art if no-one can find it? 

is it art if it’s been broken up, between floorboards and daisy fields

and the whiskey ring mocking an ex-alcoholic from the bottom of a grinning shot glass?

can i call this art, if I hide it in the middle drawer of a motel room and sway home with the acrid smell of gasoline caked under my fingers?

i am so constantly afraid of fucking up that i’ve cordoned off my ability to breathe without pressure

my fear strangles out hubris nine days out of ten, and i’m not unconvinced it uses the days off to simmer in some fresh dread, ripe from the cherry tree, and picked out special

art is subjective, and mutating, and has the capacity to grow so much further than its host ever intended

and my ribcage knots itself together under the acknowledgement that my career is one day going to hurt someone other than me

i am flexible, i trust my ego to string itself up by the last vestiges of spite to carry me home

but the idea, the statistical certainty that my greatest joy will cause pain, and harm, completely without intent, steals breath from my lungs

does the art have value if it hurts without aim?

malice is all well and good, but pain without worth, to brandish hot pokers with such little care as to burn those merely bystanding

better then, to recoil from my skill, to abandon these principals

to create without vision, cash in on a piece of white bread, hold the calories

sell air the scent of lukewarm wax and never see blood spilled again

or topple a stand of candles into a bonfire and pray you’ve taught yourself enough restraint to put the dancing flames out, eventually

the answer, of course, is care.

is moderation, look both ways before crossing the street, double check yourself constantly

not for malice, but for mines you may have forgotten behind trees with crooked limbs

accept criticism not without defense, but without passion, that poison, lacing your tongue

look before you leap into that tar pit of confirmation biases

there’s an echo chamber right before you reach the hall of mirrors

be willing to bleed your palms into stinging concrete and agonizing recognition

and you’ll be fine, kid.

breathe out, breathe in, and just…

try not to choke on your sense of self-control when that finally makes a run for it

it’ll circle back around, eventually.

when’s the decline of civilization as we know it scheduled for, again?