#Suave Snake Lucifer

[drazhaq]

A multifaceted devil 🍎

[barefoot-joker]

Snake in the Garden~Yandere! Lucifer X Reader

Hey, guys! I hope you all are well! Today I bring you a Yandere! Lucifer (Hazbin Hotel) story. I do apologize if he's OOC, I tried to make him a bit suave. I hope you enjoy and have a great day/night!

Words: 2105

Warnings: Snakes, Kidnapping, Swearing

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

I hummed as I slipped on my straw hat and sandals. Today was gardening day and I was very excited to be outside. My garden was my passion. It was something to look forward to each day after work. It was especially nice in the eighty degree weather we were having, cool breezes making it bearable to be outside. 

Grabbing my metal bucket with my shears, trowel, and gloves, I made my way out the back door of my house. My neighbor Terry was sitting on his porch rocking in his chair, basking in the sunshine. When he saw me he waved. “Yello, Y/n! Enjoying the day?”

“Of course! How about you Mr. Johnson?”

“Oh you know, just taking a sunbath while the wife is out grocery shopping. If you catch my drift.”

“Perfectly.”

“Well have fun, little lady!”

“Will do, thank you!”

I gave a simple wave and headed towards my small garden. It wasn’t the most spectacular thing, only having five or six rows of vegetables, but I was so proud of my little paradise. I set my bucket down and walked down the row of beans, inspecting each one. My humming continued as I began picking and gently setting the vegetables in my pail. As I was working I heard something hissing. Confused, I looked around and didn’t see anything. I turned back to my work. It was silent for a moment until the hissing continued. I glanced around when suddenly my eyes caught sight of something white in the bushes. I stood up and walked over, pushing the foliage to the side. I gasped when I saw a white snake, its pale pink underbelly had a large gash. I slowly reached down and stroked its back. The snake turned its head, the red eyes staring me down. “Hey there, little fellow. It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt ya.”

As I continued to stroke its back, the snake must have understood my message. “Let’s get you patched up, little guy.”

I gently grabbed a hold and made sure to cradle him close. Walking back inside, I set him in my kitchen sink and went to grab supplies. I made my way to the bathroom where I grabbed some gauze and disinfectant from a cupboard. I then returned back to the kitchen. I lifted my scaly friend to flip him over and started to rub some disinfectant on his gash. I grabbed some paper towel and dabbed it dry. “Almost done, little fellow.”

Ripping off some gauze, I carefully wrapped it around the wound. Tying it off, I sealed it with a kiss from the fingertips. “And, all done! Not my best work, but it’ll do.”

The snake’s tongue flicked out in appreciation. “You know what? I think I’ll name you Red. You know, after your very beautiful red eyes!”

The white snake hissed and slithered closer to the edge of the sink. I picked him up and cuddled him close as we walked back outside. When we made it to my garden I gently let him down before I went back to work. Red stayed the whole time I was outside, slithering alongside me. When it was my time to head inside, I said my goodbyes and watched him slither back into the bushes.

After my run in with Red I would see him every time I entered my garden. I would lay out some greenery for him to eat and some water to drink all the time. He would even wrap himself around my arms as I worked. One day as I was preparing my small table, Red came out of the bushes as per usual. He slithered up my leg and I couldn’t help but giggle. “Red, that tickles! Stop! I have to get this ready!”

He just stayed there. “You silly boy.”

I caressed the top of his head and set up my nice (favorite color) tablecloth. Just as I was placing two mugs down, I heard a male voice call my name. Red slid off my leg and curled down by the table leg. I turned to see my boyfriend s/o standing at my back door. “S/o!”

I ran at him and gave a big hug. “I’m so glad you could make it!”

“Me too. We’ve been planning this little lunch date for a while.”

I led him over to the table and we sat. “I made us some tea. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not, honey. You know I’m down to try anything.”

We both took a sip from our cups. “So, how has your garden been going?”

“Pretty well actually. All of my vegetables have been thriving, which is nice. I even met a new friend!”

“A new friend? Well I’d love to meet them.”

“Hold on one second.”

I leaned under the table and gently picked up my snake buddy. “This is Red. Isn’t he gorgeous? I’ve never seen a snake with a pink underbelly before.”

“Me neither. Can I see him?”

“Of course!”

I started to hand him over when suddenly Red struck forward and sunk his fangs into S/o’s hand. “Ow! God dammit that hurt!”

“Red!”

I set him down and gently took my boyfriend’s hand. “Are you alright?”

“No, your fucking snake bit me!”

I sucked on my teeth. “It does look bad. Here, let’s take you to the clinic.”

We stood up and walked to my car. I had him sit in the passenger seat while I drove.

Hours later I had dropped off S/o at his apartment. We had gotten him some antibiotics and luckily Red wasn’t poisonous. Thank god. I sighed as I slipped off my shoes and walked into my living room. I was looking at the floor when suddenly I let out a gasp. Standing staring at some of the photos on my wall was a short man, his back towards me. From what I could see he wore a big white hat, white and red jacket, white puffy pants and tall black boots. At the sound of me entering, the man turned and I couldn’t help but let out another gasp. The stranger had white skin, short blonde hair and red circles on his cheeks. His red eyes were quite striking as they seemed to stare into my soul. “Ah Y/n, you’re back! Jolly good.”

“W-who are you?”

A black cane with an apple on top magically appeared and the man gave a theatrical bow. “How rude of me. My name is Lucifer dear, but you’re probably more familiar with calling me Red.”

“R-red? But you’re a person and he was a snake…wait a minute. Lucifer? As in the Devil?”

He let out a dark chuckle and I stepped back upon seeing the two rows of sharp teeth. “Exactly!”

I gulped and ran off, trying to head for my front door. I screamed when he appeared in front of me, but this time dressed in green. I bolted towards my back door but he reappeared, this time in red. A few more Lucifers in different colored clothes surrounded me, parting to let the original through. “Look Mr. Satan sir, I didn’t summon you, nobody sacrificed me, nothing like that! Why don’t you just return to Hell and forget this ever happened!”

His cane came up under my chin and lifted my head to look into his eyes. “And forget the lovely lady that helped me? Not a chance! I was lucky I stumbled upon you that day. You see, I had gotten into a fight with a contractor and he got quite a few hits in. I got away with a stomach wound and that’s when I slithered into your life. You patched me up and made me whole!”

His face got closer to mine as he told his tale, our noses almost touching. “You’re so intoxicating, dear. Just like the apple I offered to Eve.”

My breath hitched as his lips got close. “Okay, I helped you. Now why can’t you just go away?”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“Why not? Please, leave me alone.”

A few tears collected in the corners of my eyes and he was quick to wipe them away. “I’ll explain in due time. But I’ve wasted enough time. We need to get going.”

“Going?”

“Yes! You’re coming to Hell with me!”

My eyes widened and I attempted to flee. His arm wrapped around my waist and with the other he waved his cane in the air. Golden dust began to accumulate on the floor, swooshing around and around until a portal formed. The arm around my waist forced me to walk with him. He threw his cane into the air and like magic it disappeared. “Now this may cause a slight headache but I’ll be sure to tend to it when we arrive.”

“No please-”

“In we go!”

He forced us to jump forward and I let out a shriek. I tightly closed my eyes and my stomach lifted into my throat as we fell. This feeling stayed until I landed on something soft. My body was tense as I slowly opened my eyes. It seemed we had landed in a foyer of sorts. The large marble fireplace had a roaring blaze going and from what I could see out the large Victorian windows it was night outside. The dark red clouds swirled like my nerves as I watched Lucifer fluff his jacket. He turned to me and smiled. “I apologize if I frightened you, my dear. It wasn’t my intention. I know first time portal jumping can be quite tedious.”

He adjusted his hat before sitting next to me on the deep red velvet chaise lounge. “Now then I know you skipped lunch since you took your little boy toy to the hospital, so how about some dinner? I can cook a mean steak!”

The situation was starting to be too much to handle and I couldn’t help the sobs that wracked my body. “Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. Shh, shh. There, there.”

Lucifer wrapped his arms around me in a hug and I could feel his claws combing my hair. “It’s alright, little apple. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

He just made me cry harder. “I just want to go home!”

“This is your home now. I know it’ll take some getting used to, but I promise if you give Hell a chance you’ll forget all about silly Earth and that wretched boyfriend of yours.”

His claws dug in a bit when he brought up S/o. It made me shudder. “But he doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here for you and that’s most important.”

He pulled away slightly to wipe at my eyes, his touch gentle compared to before. “You know what will cheer you up? A nice cup of spiced hot cocoa! I’ll be right back.”

He stood and made his way towards the white door. Before leaving he gave me a smile. “Don’t go anywhere.”

The door shut softly. As soon as he was gone I quickly looked around trying to find an exit. I spotted a door opposite me. I ran to it, threw it open, and rushed out of the room. My legs carried me far as I dashed through the spiraling halls, rushing down a grand staircase, and arriving at what I assumed was the front door. I yanked them open and before I could step out an angry hiss made me pause. Two large golden snakes sat on the doorstep and stared me down harshly. I slammed the door shut and urged myself to breathe slower. “I see you’ve met David and Goliath.”

My head shot up to see Lucifer standing there without his jacket, a faint smirk on his lips. “Why the heck do you have giant snakes on your property?!”

“To protect us. Being the rulers of Hell comes with a target on your back.”

“What do you mean rulers?”

“I brought you here for a reason, Y/n, silly goose!” 

He began walking towards me. “I intend to court you and make you my Queen. I’ve been alone for seven years. My wife and I split and my daughter and I don’t have the best relationship. However, I intend to rectify that, my sweet apple. You and I are going to be together forever.”

He stopped in front of me and held my face in his hands, thumbs gently rubbing my cheekbones. My heart sank as I realized I wasn’t getting out of this any time soon and the look of adoration in Lucifer’s eyes made that fact.

[theloganator101]

How would you written the other sins to act from the helluva boss show?

So this took a bit to answer because I also worked on some redesigns for them as well! Here's how I would've written them to be.

Asmodeus

Ozzie here is the definition of suave. Every night he's got a different demon to sleep with, taking great pride in the sin he manifested from.

He's also in an open relationship with...

Beelzebub

I tried giving her a bit of that sassy aunt look to her, the kind that you can talk about anything and joke around with. And I leaned more into the bug design and made her into a bee.

She's an active supporter to Hellhounds and tries to help them however she can as a Sin.

She's also a party planner for any kind, whether it be a birthday party or even a grand gala for Hell Royalty.

She also attends the parties she hosts as a way to "pollenate" the gluttonous energy a party gives and uses it to make the food for Hell to eat.

Belphegor

Belphegor is known for being the best doctor in all of Hell, and also very sleepy when awake. She's also the protector of dreams as she has the ability to travel through them. The happy dreams are what powers her up the most.

Mammon

Nothing much about him personality wise changes, except that he's more of a mobster boss than a jester clown and that he's a crab now.

Leviathan

Back when they were first created, they were a force to be reckoned with in the Seven Seas but was slayed by God. Feeling bad for the poor creatures, Lucifer used his magic to revive them but to make sure they don't get slayed again... he had to stitch them together as a way of containing their power and making sure one of them don't go off.

You got one head who's all business and serious, and then you got another who's all about fun and just wanna enchant people with their voice. Yet despite their differences... they make one hell of a team.

Also the bow in the green one's hair was a gift from their other head as a way to help feel more feminine despite being the more monsterous one of the two.

Satan

He's known as the sheriff in the capital town of the Wrath Ring, eliminating anyone who dares try to threaten his lands. He also has the shortest temper anyone has ever seen, if you piss him off you did something wrong.

He's Hell's second in command, stepping up when no one in the Morningstar Family is able to perform their royal duties. He takes the laws and rules very seriously, dishing out punishments for those who break them.

Lucifer

And finally we have Lucifer!

As the ruler and first Sinner, he is a very busy man with little freetime. This along with his wife mysteriously going missing left Charlie very lonely, with barely anyone to turn to for comfort.

Nowadays he deeply regrets how he ignored Charlie, but tells himself that Hell needs him... that he's giving them a good life. The Embodiment of Pride right here...

And yes, the snake on his cane is alive. Charlie named him Oatmeal ☺️

[with-love-from-hell]

Melancholia

{part Eight}

Fandom: Obey me!

Genre: Angst

Written for F!Mc

WC: ~2.1k

Music Accompaniment (The Bird and the Worm thru It's Been Awhile)

CW: heavy on the angst, similar to “replaced” au but with Simeon being “replaced”, depression, depictions of aggressive/violent thoughts, sexual intimacy implied, allusion to past sexual violence in Vermillion Skies, nightmare, vague illusion to torture. 

>> Though I have a Masters Degree in Psychology, I am not your therapist. If you have experienced any form of depression or suicidal thoughts, and are in need of help, please utilize the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, NIMH helpline, or the SAMHSA helpline. <<

You can find any future parts by searching the tag #Vermillion Skies or #Melancholia on my blog! I have added it to all parts!”

Series Masterlist

The next few days flew by quickly, for most- with the exception of Simeon. He watched from afar as those he once fostered closeness with existed in relative peace without him. He watched from the side as Luke and Mc joyfully rekindled their love of baking together, and saw Raphael becoming accepted with open arms by the demons in Devildom, while he was whispered about in the halls and mostly avoided. 

Simeon sighed, running a hand through his hair as he stared into the bathroom mirror. The jealousy and heartache was almost becoming too much to bear. It only worsened with the onset of classes, finding the workload and expectations of the Royal Academy were far beyond what he experienced as an exchange student. Part of him felt sympathy for the brothers for their continuous struggle with passing classes while Lucifer berated them for poor marks, but another part of him was furious in that they got to wallow in their pity together.��Simeon gritted his teeth, fighting the urge to punch the mirror as the anger seeped into his soul. 

It appears that the price of love was a heavier burden to bear than he had anticipated. 

The weight was slung heavily over his hunched shoulders as he snaked around the crowded RAD hallway to his next class. He sat through Devildom History with complete disinterest, only focusing on staring at the back of Mc’s head a few rows in front of him. He scribbled mindlessly in his notebook as he watched the subtle movements of her body: the way she massaged the ache in her neck, the slight lean forward when the professor said something interesting, the gentle glide of her hand when she wrote something down, and the barely-audible tap of her pen on the desk when she was idly listening. 

It wasn’t the first time this week that she had preoccupied his thoughts, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

The dismissal from the professor meant their schedules aligned, and Simeon was hoping against all odds that Mc would agree to eat Lunch with him. After all, he had been isolated for so long, and this week had clearly been hellish for him...surely the compassionate MC would find it in her heart to accept his invitation. He stood outside the classroom, eager to confront her as she exited the room and walk with her to the dining hall. 

“Is there something you need?” A deep voice from behind made the slight, hopeful smile on his lips turn into a disdained frown. He turned his head just enough to see Lucifer approaching suavely, picnic basket, wine, and blanket in his arms. Simeon’s heart sank, dejection making the pit in his stomach grow quickly in size. The dignity of a response was sucked out of him, and he merely stared at the classroom doorway to ignore Lucifer’s presence. Lucifer narrowed his eyes, peaking in the room to see Mc talking to professor alone. 

“I was hoping to ask Mc about something.” Simeon murmured, now leaning his body against the frame. 

“Oh?” Lucifer inquired in suspicion, moving to stand opposite of Simeon. His eyes were dripping with aggressive intent, thinking he had made his statement on leaving his lover alone clear to him. “And what, pray tell, might that be?” 

Simeon scoffed, mumbling under his breath. “Hardly any of your damn business.” 

Lucifer scowled, his voice venomous. “I beg your pardon?” 

“I said I had to ask her about an assignment.” Simeon rolled his eyes, fighting back the shaking fists that threatened to form under Lucifer’s hard stare. “But it seems like she’s busy, so I’ll just-”

“Luci!”  Mc cooed in delight, latching onto Lucifer’s arm and pulling him down to plant a kiss on his cheek. 

Lucifer throws a satisfied smirk at Simeon before giving her a gentle hug in response. “Good afternoon, love. Ready to go?” 

Mc nods excitedly, intertwining her fingers with his. Just as they’re about to walk away, she notices Simeon standing there watching. She freezes, anxiety welling up in her stomach at the sight of his clenched fists and flat-lined expression. “Simeon? What’s the matter..?” 

“Nothing. I’ll just ask you about it later.” Simeon spat, unintentionally coming off to Mc as needlessly aggravated.

Mc looked between Simeon’s calloused expression and Lucifer’s watchful eyes, figuring they had just had a spat. She tried to smile, but the looming awkwardness betrayed her expression. “Okay, sure. I’ll see you later then.” 

Simeon nodded, watching from his peripherals as Lucifer and Mc strolled happily away. He felt his chest tighten, the urge to do horrid things to Lucifer crawling up into his consciousness as Simeon imagined the unholy things the brutish demon would do with her. Part of him felt insulted that Mc would choose such a man over him. Another part of him was jealous of Lucifer being able to enjoy the sins of the flesh with such an astonishing person. And a final part of him was angry that he was even thinking about such things after his talk with Mc. Why couldn’t he just let it go? 

Unfair. The word repeated itself in his mind. Fate truly has damned me to a life of pining for something that can never be. 

Simeon turned, arms crossed over his chest as if to stabilize himself as he fought the blended emotions racing through his head. Hopelessness plagued each thought, the reality of his loneliness coming to fruition in front of his eyes. He began to wonder if any of the other demons had felt this intensity of dejection before.

“She hasn’t really been doing much...just going throughout classes like normal.” Raphael paused, trying to think if he remembered anything recent. “Simeon has been hovering around her a lot though.” 

“How close has he been to her?” Michael asked curiously, now leaning forward in his chair. His interest in the human and Simeon’s relationship was piqued at the mere mention that they had rekindled a relationship. 

Raphael rubbed his forehead with his hand. “Uhh, not very, I guess? I mean, with Lucifer on her hip it’s kind of hard for him to get close. He’s like a guard dog. Even me coming over under the innocuous guise of catching up with him was seen as a threat. She was on his lap the entire time we talked.”

“Depravity.” Michael grumbled under his breath, anger rising in his chest at the mere thought of someone he once called a close friend engaging in such a disgraceful way. “I am shocked at how this seductress of a human had seemingly somehow snatched every individual in the devildom by the balls.” 

“Well, not everyone likes her.” Raphael noted, remembering hearing some demons wishing she had died a painful death as a result of a rumored assault. “It appears as though she means more than the world to the brothers though- and even the demon prince and his steward seem infatuated with her.” 

“What are your thoughts?” Michael posed the question curiously, wondering if Raphael had unknowingly been drawn in by her feminine wiles. “I’d like to hear your impression of her.”

“Hmm...” Raphael shrugged. “I’m not too convinced she’s anything special. I’m curious of what has even angels drawn to her, if anything. But otherwise she doesn’t seem that appealing.”

“And what of Luke’s relationship to the human?” 

Raphael paused. He swallowed hard, remembering how happy the small angel was to see the human. He talked about her so much when they were alone, you’d think the woman was his mother. “He seems to be- uh- somewhat fond of her.” 

Michael gritted his teeth, anger rising steadily higher at the traces of uncertainty in his agent’s voice. “How much is somewhat, Raphael? I do hope you aren’t hiding anything from me.” 

“He seems to enjoy her company, and talks highly of her...” Raphael paused upon hearing Michael’s heavy breath on the other end of the phone. “...but I doubt highly he values her over any fragment of the celestial realm- especially you, sir.” 

Michael scoffed. “Clearly you underestimate the power this human holds. If Lucifer and Simeon can fall for her faux charm- so much so that their entire being surrounds her- then I believe she could harbor ill intent toward the Celestial realm.” 

“I really don’t think-” 

“I don’t know exactly what she is planning, but we will end it before it begins. First though, we need evidence- and that is your sole job I pay you to do. Is that clear?” Michael growled into the phone, not letting Raphael finish his thoughts. 

After a pregnant pause, Raphael let out a sigh. “Crystal, sir.” 

Simeon shot straight up in a cold sweat. The pitch-black room seemed to spin before him as he came down from the adrenaline of the nightmare that plagued his sleep. He could still hear the screams of Mc clear as day as they reverberated into the recesses of his mind. He ran a hand through his hair, scanning the room to get some semblance of grounding before standing and rushing to the bathroom. 

The cool water that was splashed onto his face relieved the heat he felt under his skin, but did nothing to solve the fear pounding through his heart. The images flashing through his mind of angels in pristine armor torturing the poor woman nearly made him vomit in disgust. What’s worse, is that behind the scene was a very pleased Michael, along with a very frail and distressed Lucifer who was held firmly by Michael’s armed guards. 

The prophetic powers had to have ceased when he fell from grace, right?

Simeon turned off the faucet, staring into his reflection. His breath was heavy as it forced its way passed his teeth in labor, only to be sucked back in with a desperation seen by those starved for air. His thoughts raced back through the dream, trying to recall anything that was said. But just as fragmented as it had appeared to him, the dream vanished into thin air- wisped away from his memory like fallen leaves in the wind. 

“Simeon?” 

He turned quickly, shocked to see Luke standing in his pajamas in the doorway to the bathroom. “Luke...”

He rubbed his eyes sleepily, looking at the former angel with concerned curiosity. “Is everything okay? I heard you yell from my room.” 

Simeon turned his gaze away and his face drained, embarrassed to know his nightmares had caused a ruckus the third night his roommates had finally come to stay from their temporary retreat at the castle. 

Luke grew more concerned the longer Simeon stayed silent. He paused, trying to think of what to do. Clearly he had had a bad dream, but just didn’t want to discuss it with him- or maybe he did, but didn’t know if he should. 

Luke could relate to the awkwardness Simeon was feeling, as he felt it too. The urge he felt to be close to Simeon again was strong, and he longed to rekindle their friendship sooner than what had been asserted by Mc. He recalled their gentle embrace as he cried into their arms, begging her for some advice on how to approach the situation. 

“Things like this need time to heal, Luke. You have to actually work thought the conflicting feelings rather than pushing them away...And you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable to the fact that this wont be the same as before, but that isn’t always bad.”

She said it with such confidence, part of him felt silly for ever thinking otherwise. He knew that he could still have a friendship with him as time went on, but he felt scared of what it would look like. He knew Mc was right- that different didn’t always mean scary...Perhaps he just needed to take the first steps. 

“Do you want me to make you some tea? I can heat up some of the Devilberry popovers I made yesterday..?” 

Simeon turned to him, blinking back his surprise at the offer. “Huh?” 

“It’s not really any trouble. Plus, they’re really tasty. Barbatos said so himself!” Luke smiled nervously, hoping this offer would produce a start of healing- just like Mc had said. 

Simeon mulled it over for a moment, before returning Luke’s offer with a warm smile. “I’d like nothing more.” 

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC and The Familiars (But the Familiars Aren’t Actually Familiars)

So I 100% subscribe to the idea that the brothers can turn into their signature animal, but what if they tried to be slick about it?

Lucifer

Alright, all he had to do was visit MC in the human world, no big deal. Just a visit to his favourite human’s home… he’s the Avatar of Pride, Lucifer’s totally got this and isn’t nervous at all.

He poofs himself into their living room and… wait wasn’t knocking on the front door more polite? Agh, that doesn’t matter. Everything was still totally fine, he could hear MC shuffling around in the other room, he just needed to get outside and knock on the front door.

No problem- OH FUCK MC JUST WALKED IN DO SOMETHING-

*poof*

“…Lucifer?” MC was clearly not fooled by Lucifer’s new bird-y form… father dammit.

Okay, he couldn’t be suave and kabedon the human in this form… quick seduce them in another way!

Maybe fanning out his feathers inside wasn’t a good idea, he knocked a couple of things off the coffee table but at least he was fabulous.

MC just raises their eyebrows and rolls their eyes. “Okay, you’re very pretty Lucifer. Happy?”

Lucifer gets some gentle head rubs, ah, this was nice…

He poofs back into his human form and dips MC. Smooth as butter. “Well, it seems you’ve found me out, MC. I’ll just have to take you out on a date as a reward.”

MC giggles and Lucifer just revels in how amazing and clever he is- until MC looks over at the floor.

“You knocked my drink off the coffee table.” “Oh… would you like to go on a date after I clean that for you..?”

Mammon

UGGGGGGGGGGGH MAMMON’S HUMAN WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION TO HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!

MC wasn’t adhering to the very clear “shower Mammon with love and affection” event on their calendar. The event was every day but like- who cares! Mammon had to find out where his human was right that moment and figure out why they weren’t giving him cuddles!

Mammon turned into his crow form and flew right out of the house. Where was that stupid human he loved so dearly? Oh! There they are! Feeding his crows! Awwwwwwwwwww so cute!

Crow-Mammon fluttered down and perched himself next to MC, who was immediately delighted.

“Oh hello there little friend!” MC gently picked Mammon up. “I love your feathers! Aren’t you adorable?”

If crows could blush, Mammon would be bright red. It was all great until his crows started imitating his voice in an attempt to blow his cover!

“Oh that’s right! Mammon would totally adore you!” Wait what?

MC proceeded to rush around the HOL asking all the brothers if they had seen Mammon. Crap… now crow-mammon needed a way to transform back into sexy regular Mammon without alerting his human!

…maybe that could wait a bit… being carried around by MC wasn’t so bad…

Leviathan

Let’s get one thing straight, okay? Levi is a sea snek! A cute little danger noodle! He doesn’t exactly think he’s cute but we know the truth.

He was just swimming around his and Henry 2.0’s gigantic aquarium when MC just barged in without knocking! What kinda normie BULLSHIT-

“Levi? Leviiiiiiiii?” Aw, the human missed him… Levi debated changing back but then decided against it… MC would probably despise him if they found out he wasn’t only a yucky otaku… he was a gross slimy snake too!

MC continued to look around the room while Levi hid in some of his aquarium props. Hiding in his underwater replica of the Lord of Shadows’ castle wasn’t exactly comfortable but it allowed Levi to at least see what MC was doing.

MC suddenly pressed their face against the glass of the aquarium and waved Henry 2.0 over.

“Hey little buddy, do you know where Levi is?”

GAH! 100 DAMAGE! CRITICAL HIT! LEVI HAS FAINTED! TOO MOE! His cute little goldfish and his cute little MC! AAAAAAAAA- oh shit he just transformed back into his normal form-

“Oh! There you are Levi!” MC waved from the other side of the glass. “Come out! Let’s watch anime!”

Satan

He’s not turning into a unicorn. Sorry not sorry.

As cool and terrifying as unicorns are in the Devildom, those stupid human legends ruined their reputations as feared companions to demons.

Whatever, Satan had invited MC over to his room for some 100% family friendly snuggling. He opened up a book and-

Wait why’d he have hooves now..? OH SON OF A BITCH!

The stupid book turned him into his familiar form! He couldn’t change back! Ugh… he needed to calm down, his mane was made of fire and he was in a very flammable environment… the last thing Satan wanted was to burn his books and MC. Wait MC-

“Satan? Is that you?” “…”

Well, at least Satan got some nose scritches… even though unicorns were absolutely terrifying, MC didn’t seem to mind. Though, they burned their fingertips a bit…

Okay… maybe getting pets in his demon form wasn’t all bad…

Asmodeus

Oh MC’s skin was a disaster! Asmo had to do something! All those late night anime binges with Levi were awful, just awful!

MC could be having all night Asmo time but noooooo apparently Princess Tutu was way more fun…

Ah well, time to entice MC into taking care of their skin~

Asmo turned into his adorable little scorpion form and scuttled off to MC’s room. He hopped up on their sink and nudged some lotion towards a very confused MC.

“…what?” “*scuttle scuttle*” “Oh, hi Asmo.”

MC graciously allowed Asmo to guide their bleary eyed self through their morning routine. Being small really helped, it allowed Asmo to get into the very back of the bathroom cabinet, where he found- GASP! MC! IS THAT THE HANDCREAM ASMO HAD GIFTED THEM?!

“*angy scuttles*” “What? I didn’t like the smell.”

The highlight of the morning was when MC picked Asmo up and gave him a hug. :3

Beelzebub

Food… *SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIFF* must consume. It’s coming from behind a locked door- HE NEEDS TO EAT.

Beel transformed and slipped through the crack underneath the door. Hell yeah! Food!

MC was eating takeout, and didn’t invite him… :( oh well, he could eat with them as a fly :)

He leisurely floated down to the food and started nomming.

“Shoo!” MC swatted Beel away. Oh no D: MC whyyyy?

Beel kept flying back, and getting shooed away, it was quite the viscous cycle, well, it was until MC caught Beel under a cup.

Quick! Transform back!

“…Beel. What?” “I’m hungry :(.”

MC just handed him some of their food and went back to eating. Same shit as always…

Belphegor

Moooooooooooooooooooooooo-

Okay, Belphie knew it was comfortable to sleep as a cow when he didn’t have a blanket, he was floofy as a cow! Being floofy is comfortable!

“MCCCCCCCCCCCC. Come snuggle!”

Gasp! MC give cuddles! MC give cuddles and pets to sleepy cow brat!

Belphie likes getting pet behind the ears, THATS the spot… yeah… *content cow sigh*

Side note, cows have very nice eyelashes, Belphie must have nice eyelashes too.

Just snoozing and cuddling… this is how life should be…

The whole gang eventually just ends up napping near or on Belphie, it’s very relaxing. Crow-Mammon on his head, Fly-Beel between his eyes, Snek Levi all curled up on his back, Scorpion Asmo behind his ears, and Lucifer and Satan leaned up next to MC.

They should do this more often…

[biostris]

You mentioned The Cuphead Show Devil running to his mother after Lilith was destroyed to make Eve. Is it alright if I could request some headcannons of a Lilith reader around that time? Including the part where she started transforming for not exactly obeying Adam? Whether It’s more romantic or platonic, works for me. Sorry this is long and specific, be free to keep it basic if need be😅

A/N: im gonna preface this by i try to do as much research as possible on the religion i write about but holy hell researching who Lilith actually was due to so many conflicting sources. So im going to say that this mythology takes a twist similar to how it twists in the Obey me! plot line. So in this Lucifer and Lilith are related due to Lilith -at least in my mind- being an angel who was sacrificed to become a base for eve. she was basically the fabric and the rib of man was the base to be sewn onto. so i will never make this romantic or any angel x the devil scenarios unless they are platonic. with this out of the way lets get into the details. ALSO THIS IS GENDERED AS SHE/HER!! most of my fics are GN but as eve and lilith are females i will be using she/her for this scenario.

:Lilith/Eve reader! Hc's: her only family

Lilith had woken up in her new body only minutes after being destroyed, god had made quick work to make Adam a new wife and Lilith, his daughter and Adams ex wife, would make the perfect base

all she needed was to be brainwashed and mind wiped, and that's what happened when god took her in his palm and crushed her with the might of the sun

lucifer had let out a blood curdling scream when it had happened, and that horrifying scream was the only thins she could remember from her past life

going by her new name Eve, she found life easy on earth with her husband Adam and she was always willing to be by his side despite the deep curiosity brewing within her

Eve one day had been strolling through Inkwell Eden while her husband was taking a nap and stumbled upon a beautiful tree with fruit that was as red as rubies.

a black snake startled her with a hiss and a "hello" causing her to fall and stumble back against the tree's rough bark

lucifer felt a pang of sadness, his sister was no longer recognizable except for the green eyes she bore while she would sore with him and their other siblings through the skies of their home

as the story goes the snake- Lucifer- had persuaded- or tricked in some folks minds- to eat the apple, which god had forbid the day eve had set foot on earth

it was almost instant that knowledge of things came flooding into her mind, putting her in a trance, but amongst that knowledge was the memories of her family, of her past life

by this time lucifer was now the devil, when eve snapped out of it the devil was standing in front of her with a hand reached out

"brother?" her voice cooed before the two embraced, a loud crack roared in the sky signaling that god was displeased with the actions of 'eve'

The devil had to flee, all the way back to inkwell hell, and the story continues, eve made herself clothes from ivy and hid out with Adam in a cave

however the longer they hid out the more she hated him, he was commanding, sexist and over all a lazy pig and despite his suave words the rage continued to boil till she snapped

"eve what is wrong with you?!" screamed Adam raising a hand only to be slapped first "I AM LILITH." she growled

it hit Adam like a freight train that all that was worked for was now lost

Lilith ran away when god took a break from his hissy fit in the sky only to be hunted by 3 angels, but instead of killing the children she bore they were going to kill her

the devil had shown up and shielded his sister while he did his best to fight off the three messengers of god but it was to no avail, he was not as powerful as he is now and sadly Lilith was now gone

she was not gone completely how ever, and there could be a day where she returns to her only family, lucifer, but until she found a way to do that all she could do was watch her injured brother sob over her corpse while throwing curses to the crying sky

A/N: another note!! this time more light hearted, i might actually make this an au or ask blog!! but i would much prefer input on that, Lilith wouldn't get an official design etc but i really like writing this type of stuff!! hope you enjoyed!!

[sugargliderowl]

Thoughts on Janus’ Playlist...

Some of my first-time-hearing reactions to Janus’ playlist (sorry for the rambling parts):

Black Hole Sun: It’s apparently about depression according to Genius? Like it’s kinda like yearning for the depression to be sucked into the “black hole sun”... The snake references and heaven and hell is definitely Janus. Also, it sounds old-timey like a jazz song, so that sets up the mood of the entire playlist. I don’t really get this... but this feels like a mood setter for the entire thing, unless it means something else. What do you guys think?

It Seemed the Better Way: The strings? CHILLS. Leonard Cohen’s voice reminds me of Hades in Hadestown. “Sounded like the truth, seemed the better way... but it’s not the truth today” is just his motto is what I’m seeing. And then the “I better hold my tongue, I better take my place...” part feels like resignation to me. It’s either Janus is trying to help, but that didn’t work so he resigns to become the “villain” of the light sides. It could allude to the dark sides as a whole: they are all trying to help Thomas in their ways, but because being themselves doesn’t work, they need the villain, spooky facade.

Anywhere: Ooh, I’m seeing a vintage vibe from all of this... Back to the song. “It’s a beautiful / If you’ve been lied to” is a good callback to the whole “society is built on lies” from SvS from Jay Dee. “Let this be a call to arms / At the changing of the avante garde / Nothing in this world... is beautiful.” Is Janus a pessimist? If so, he’s a good juxtaposition to Patton, the optimist. Also, the vocals remind me of like a really old timey radio, semi-haunted... my instincts say that it feels like the singer is like Harrison Bergeron (Kurt Vonnegut; do read it; it’s a good short story) trying to tell the truth about this world that people think is a good place.

Talking at the Same Time: Someone please draw Janus as like a 1920s gentleman character swaggering... wait I can. This song reminds me of “Why don’t you do right” by Jessica Rabbit on “Who Framed Roger Rabbit.” Jazz or blues? Either one. This song is really depressing? I don’t know why, but there is that feel of everything is hopeless. Pessimistic, again. “A tiny boy... made a sword from a stick and a gun from his hand” reminds me of Roman in a way? But then again, the “we bailed out all the millionaires / they’ve got the fruit / We’ve got the rind” doesn’t remind me of Roman.

all the good girls go to hell: “MY LUCIFER IS LOOONELYY”... sorry I love this song. Anyways, the lyrics really speak to Janus just because of the whole duality and Christian metaphors. Also, J is the side who would definitely “want the Devil on her team”. We love the whole duality motif. I just *chef’s kiss x3*.

Denial: OH MY GOSH THE SVS REDUX... J was denial. HE WAS DENIAL. “Just don’t shut your eyes closed / Not until I get it off my chest” is basically the blindfold metaphor that happened throughout SvS, so would this be the message he wants to send to Thomas and Patton... or maybe the entire light sides. “Have you turned a corner? / Do you think of leaving me behind?” Dark side acceptance arc? Also, “I know you’re looking for direction... I know where you wanna go / Oh I do, but do you?” is to Roman and Thomas for the callback because he knew they wanted to go “so bad.”

(click for more analysis and summary!)

Trust in Me: Of course, snek boi, I knew this could be something you’ll put in. But do we trust you? So this is his suave villainy song. This again shows how Bananaconda child operates; he wants Thomas to trust him and be selfish but excessively. That’s why balance is necessary for all of the sides!

Razzle Dazzle: *gasp* MUSICAL SONGS NOW? YASSS. Definition is “noisy, showy, and exciting activity and display designed to attract and impress,” so the whole facade of being fancy to hide the insecurities and “bad” parts. Sounds like someone we know (*cough* ROMAN *cough*). “What if your hinges all are rusting / What if, in fact, you’re just disgusting? / Razzle dazzle ‘em and they’ll never catch wise” is just a jab and a stab at Roman. Or maybe it’s him. He’s also the dramatic one. If so, we have angst arriving.

When the Chips are Down: HADESTOWN OH MY YES! STRINGS! AAAAA! Does Janus give me Fate vibes in a way? Yes, definitely. “Nobody’s righteous / Nobody’s proud / Nobody’s innocent / Now that the chips are down” Holy CRAPP. It’s the perfect response to Patton’s “Nobody’s perfect... except for Thomas, he loves his friends!” in SvS. Now that the “chips are down,” Thomas should take after himself... after all, the Fates were telling Eurydice to look after herself. Sounds like what Janus said to Thomas after the Redux.

Mandy Goes to Med School: Oh. Um. This sounds like the whole jazz/20′s theme. This song’s apparently about abortion? I’m kinda confused, so feel free to add on! But it’s quite the bop, just listening to it. Maybe the whole thought that society makes laws based on a false conception? Help.

I Put A Spell On You: Janus definitely goes to jazz clubs. “I can’t stand it ‘cause you put me down” and “I tell ya I ain’t lyin’” and “Because you’re mine” makes the whole villainesque feel. I don’t know where this was from, but this stands out to me just because it was on the “Friends on the Other Side Mashup”. 

Evil Night Together: Ominous, and then jazzy. Jay Dee’s flirting skills go to the max. This also gives the villain vibe by the lyrics referencing things that Remus would be fond about. Also, “Who’s gonna make you a hero” seems to be directed to Roman like he did in SvS. This is a very seductive song with really dark undertones about crime. Janus, that slimy snek boi is a lawful neutral to evil. 

Dont’ Tell Mama: Cabaret... a classic musical, eh? “Hush up, don’t tell mama / Shush up, don’t tell mama” goes to Janus’ power to silence people. “If you had a secret, you bet I would keep it / I would never tell on you...” Janus is definitely the one about lies and secrets, so that goes to that.

You’re a Cad: “What’s the point pretending that you could be a better man? / Just give in, since you always end up right back where you began” “You’re a rascal and a rogue, a villain and a crook” is the other sides viewing him, and “Still I tug at your line, I’m a fish on your hook” and “I should be better, but I’m worse” is hinting at some Janus angst. I think it’s going to be something about trust

As Far as I Can See: JANUS ANGST TRUCKING IN ON TO YA: “Nobody loves me / As far as I can tell.” Or even “Nobody’s listening as far as I can tell / And when I’m crying out / Nobody cries back for me.” Haha... I’m totally fine (*sobbing*). Also, the “we’re all going down / all down the staircase aboard” either hints at the Redux statement of pushing people off staircases... or maybe Virgil who went down the staircase and left the dark sides. Gosh, I thought this was gonna be a hype song by the beat, but I stand corrected.

Criminal: Oh, so the angst continues. Great. Totally great. This somehow links back to the bloopers of Thomas, as J, saying “I’m not bad; I’m just drawn that way.” This is peak sarcasm in a way, but I don’t really know. “I’ve done wrong and I wanna suffer for my sins / I’ve come to you cause I need guidance to be true / And I just don’t know where I can begin”... is this from Thomas to Janus or the other way? If it’s from Thomas, Janus is kinda mad and is using as much sass as he wants. If it’s from Janus, it’s either he’s lying or he genuinely wants a redemption arc like Virgil did... but in a not so righteous way with “And I need to be redeemed / To the one I’ve sinned against / Because he’s all I ever knew of love.” I don’t really know, but this is such a bop.

Change: “I’ve been thinking it’s just someone else’s job to care / Who am I to sympathize when no one gives a d-” and “” Wow. Janus has his similarities with Logan. He wants to be listened to the sides. I mean, there is a reason why he impersonates the light sides: to be listened without bias. “Change is a powerful thing / I feel it coming in me” foreshadows some good stuff with Janus! YES! Also, “Maybe by the time this song is done / I’ll be able / To be honest” and the rest of the lyrics just hit me like a truck? It hurts the soul in a way. Change is inevitable is the message, so would that mean Janus could have an upgrade? I mean, the change started when SvS Redux happened with him coming out and being accepted by the light sides, so maybe, maybe things will change from there in a good way.

Devil In The Details: “A house of cards / A supple heart / Is not a place to dwell”.... Patton? Oh no. “But know there’s no backing out / This is gonna be reality / You can never dream it out” is going to his reputation and relations with the sides and Thomas? He seemed to have hesitated to say his name and let his reputation down since that would change everything that he has known over the years. Would this mean the dark and light side thing will break in later episodes? Maybe. “I put the past into the ground / I saw the future as a cloud / If there’s still time to turn around / I’m going to” is a big oof. And then... “I am the first one I deceive / If I can make myself believe / The rest is easy” comes in. Is Janus lying to himself? He’s the manifestation of deceit, but is he also doing that to himself? Or it could be to Thomas. But then again...

Come Little Children: Spooky. Nice. This feels like a lullaby. “It must be this way / To weary of life and deceptions / Rest now my children...” and then “The time’s come to play / Here in my garden of shadows” make me think that Janus thinks that this life is quite... painful. I am not too sure about this, tell me what y’all think!

Into The Unknown: Oh it’s not that one. It’s the one from Over The Garden Wall (the animation if I remember it right). I don’t know why, but I saw Come Little Children and connected that to Into the Unknown as words, so that was cool. “Dancing in a swirl / Of golden memories / The loveliest lies / Of all” refers to nostalgia. This song is about nostalgia. Wait. OH WAIT. Patton’s room is all about that... so would that mean nostalgia is also part of Jay Dee too because of the mood around it that is distorted by emotions? That’s something really cool to think about. One more: “If dreams can’t come true / Then why not pretend?” I feel like this points to Virgil in a way because his dream is complete acceptance, but Janus knows V was a dark side, so maybe he’s hinting at Virgil pretending to compensate for the fact that he is a dark side.

Summary:

Janus’ aesthetic would be a 1920-40 vintage theme with jazz on the background, strings and piano used ominous effect, and being flashy and dramatic. He wants to be listened to the other sides, so he puts up different disguises (like to Pat and Lo), which includes his villain facade he put on for the past maybe 2 or 3 years. He strongly believes that society is built on lies, and like in SvS, he doesn’t want Thomas to be disadvantaged in the said society. He loves the whole duality and juxtapositions (I mean, his name is Janus for a good reason) because he embraces them both. He jabs at several sides for them faking themselves to hide their true feelings, but then again, he might also be lying to himself. He knows that change is inevitable after the whole name reveal, and we know that his acceptance arc is going to come. It could be about trust and facing the reality... just my thoughts. In other words, this playlist gave me a bunch of reasons on why Janus is a great morally gray character.

FEEL FREE TO ADD ON! I LOVE SHARING THOUGHTS! Especially with analysis, more people means more thoughts and new ideas and theories. Thank you! 

[kathyprior4200]

Welcome to Wacky Wally Wackford’s World!

Greetings, I say, greetings demons of all ages! The name’s Wally Wackford, an oh so suave man of business! You may not know me, but surely you’ve seen me…pretty much everywhere. Yes, I’ve never been the type to stay in one place for long. Life can be pretty wild at times. But that’s what makes it oh so fun!

 So what’s my story, you say, you say? Well look no further, ‘cause I have a tale to tell.

 I’ve been doing freelance work off and on, laboring at one job, moving onto the next. The jobs vary a lot, but I’m a Wally of many trades. (Yes, I’ve been fired many times as well, figuratively and literally…it is Hell after all.) Early on, I found out that living in poverty is never a lot of fun. I quickly learned how to scam other people…and boy did I enjoy it! It was the only way I could inch toward the top, get some power of my own. I’d make a few deals here and there and then when clients got desperate, I’d say something like, “Oh I’m so sorry but there’s an extra fee you have to pay. Forgot to mention that.” Then I’d point to that small scribbled section on the contract I added in moments ago.

 “I’m starving, sir!” they’d say. Or, “I left my money at home,” or my favorite: “Shove it up your trickster rear!”

 Sometimes they did pay me extra. Other times they didn’t…and those were the ones who soon forgot about everything forever. (chuckles).

 Anyway, moving on.

 Sometimes when my days got long and hard, I’d go to saloons for a nice bottled drink. The emerald colored Greed Mead is my favorite. Twirling my thin black mustache, I’d wink at some pretty imp gals nearby and say, “Hey there. You’ve been in Hell for a long time. Is that why you’re so hot?”

 Most of the time, I’d get a swift punch to the face in response. The glares on their pretty faces, “Take that remark to the Sloth Ring, lazy bootleg fucker.”

 So many aggressive people these days. I could tip my black hat to many imps and they’d either fall to my charms or roll their eyes. I was fine with that. There’s not much else to do in Hell then to live your life and amuse yourself with watching others struggle. In fact, pretty much every sin is encouraged, so why not keep going?

 After stalking around looking for more people to scam, I came across Loo-Loo Land in the Ring of Greed. I’ve always loved that place, its vibrant atmosphere emitting joyful fun and chaotic flair. I walked on over and asked the vendor, “I say, you have any jobs here?”

 “I’ve heard of you, Wacky Wally,” he said at the ticket stand. “You may be a good pick-pocket, but your skills are nothing compared to Mammon. In fact, this whole place is a fucking rip-off of Lucifer’s Lu-Lu Land!”

 “All the more reason to love this place!” I exclaimed.

 “Robo Fizz is putting on another show at 7pm tomorrow,” said the beefy imp vendor. “Made in Mammon’s factory and modeled after the famous imp Fizzarolli.” He then spoke in a low whisper, “It includes some behind the scenes moments for the VIPs…you know, with tentacles and ‘special features.’”

 “Oh that sounds delicious!” I said with a slow grin. “It’d be great to see how his…mechanics work someday…”

 The imp vendor rolled his eyes and flinched at my lighthearted comment. Always know what to say to get that grimace reaction.

 “Anyway,” said the vendor, “We’re running low on staff, so you can go sell those torches over there.”

 The imp pointed to a pink cart with Mammon’s jester face on it. I shrugged and got to work.

 I happily rolled my cart around, selling torches wherever I went. I could honestly stare into those mesmerizing green flames all day.

 “Torches here!” I drawled in my Foghorn Leghorn southern accent. “66% off when you buy four! Parties, decoration, destruction and more!”

 One time on my break, I got to talk to Robo Fizz about money, shows, sex and chaos. We even cracked some jokes together. The robot seemed a little nervous in my presence but then again, he was very unpredictable on a daily basis.

 “A duck, a frog, a demon and a skunk go into a bar. The bartender told them that the drinks were one dollar each. How did they pay for them? Answer: The duck had a bill, the frog had a greenback, the demon had a soul…but the skunk only had a scent!”

 “Hahahaha!” Robo Fizz laughed, sparks flying near him. “Your jokes are much better than Blitzo’s corny puns!”

 “Why thank you,” I replied. “But nothing beats your organ-playing animatronics in your ‘Wonderful World of Evil’ puppet show you did last month.”

 Robo Fizz grinned at the compliment. “You do anything else besides selling torches?”

 “I scam, I kill, I do a little bit of both. Oh and I’m also a great inventor!”

 “How marvelous!” Robo Fizz grinned. “Perhaps if you have enough mayhem in you, you could perform with me at the next Fizzarolli N Friends show!”

 “I say, I’d love that! I’m sure your show will be top notch, copyright be dammed…won’t it?”

 Robo Fizz smiled widely, hiding a strain. “You bet it will!”

 It was during one interesting day when I pushed my cart by a large tent where several Robo Fizz posters were posted. I held up a troch with a hand and called:

 “Torches, I say! I say! Get your inconvenient torches here!”

 Then before I knew it, the robot and a random imp crashed right into the cart.

 “Ow, I say OW!” I cried as the green flames quickly spread around. After getting the flames off me, I ran for the hills out of the burning park. I sat, dejected shortly afterward. So much for that job. Along with figuring out what to do next, I also happened to watch the imp fight off Robo Fizz…and the robot falling into the dragon’s mouth.

 How unfortunate.

 After helping Robo Fizz from the dragon’s insides, (killing said dragon, pulling out said robot, cleaning and making quick repairs), I inched closer to him and said, “You made some new friends, I say.”

 Robo Fizz stood tense with just long wires for his body, a metal skeleton of his previous appearance. “Yes…an old time co-worker of mine. A clown of an imp named Blitzo. He and his sisters were once part of a circus act called “The Amazing Imp Siblings. A bit dowdy if you ask me. ”

 Robo Fizz looked around. “Hahahaha! That was some chaotic fun. But now the park is ruined!”

 “I say, if I were you,” I told him, “I’d do all I could to get this park repaired and back on track. Costs a whole lotta money. The last thing you need is to have your boss disappointed in you.”

 A brief look of fear came on his face. “Oh yes, yes, good idea, Wally.”

 “And your friend…whether you upstage him or what, you’d best be sure Blitzo stays out of trouble. I lost my job and almost my life because of that fight!” My yellow eyes shined in a show of sadness.

 “I-I will not let master Mammon down…not that I have a choice.”

 “Let Asmodeus know what’s up as well.”

 Robo Fizz nodded, spun away and laughed. “Time to find that rodeo clown imp!”

0 0 0

 Later on after leaving Greed, I got a brilliant idea. It was after I saw some old fashioned 1800s snake man in Pride plow down buildings with a metal bulldozer vehicle. That was it! I could start my own business!

 I walked over to 666 News station. “Oh Katie,” I said in my sweetest voice.

 “What is it, scum?” she asked, sitting at a mirror and doing her hair. “Can’t you see I’m preparing for a back to back broadcast right now?”

 “I was considering doing my very own commercial about me exploiting…erm, employing other demons for my new factory.”

 Katie barked out a laugh. “Good luck with that, filthy old man! Now get out of my studio.”

 “Very well,” I said. As quiet as a hell mouse, I snatched a camera with an eye at the center and made my way out the door. The rest of the materials I needed came from a nearby junkyard. (Thankfully I avoided the wrath of some hungry kangaroo parasitic queen demon). I was running out of money fast; with no job around the corner, I figured I’d start my own!

 Even I don’t really know where I got my inventing skills from. Many say it was my natural trait. Others say I learned from other experts in the trade. After all, one of the quickset ways to a man’s wallet is through the latest technology.

 But I, Wally Wackford would not settle for your standard modern devices. No. I preferred to make things…well, wacky.

 In no time at all, I had built myself my own mini studio where I could film my commercial! Now, what to call my company? Hmm…

  The Onceler One In a Lifetime Opportunity? No, not enough Ws.

 Wowing Whimsical Wonderous Wonders? Nah, too many Ws.

 Ah…of course! What is a company if you don’t have your name on it?

0 0 0

“Uh huh, keep going, keep going, keep going!” Blitzo insisted at the I.M.P. office.

 Moxxie switched the channel again. This time, an imp appeared wearing a large black top hat, a white shirt and pants, gray vest, black bow tie and black boots. He held a cane in his hands and he also had a thin curly mustache. A mischievous grin of sharp teeth appeared on his face.

 “I say, I say!” the imp exclaimed, briefly pointing his cane at the camera. “Are you looking to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets?” “Crazy Contraptions” and “Goofy Gadgets” appeared in bold spiked icons to the imp’s left and right. The imp twirled his cane.

 “Well call me at Wacky Wally Wackford’s Wacky Idea ‘Factory!’”

 He pulled down another screen. The title appeared in bold red, gray and white letters surrounded by pinkish circles reminiscent of classic cartoons. “Factory” appeared in quotations. Wally Wackford appeared again.

 “Where you make the things and I make the money!”

 Wally Wackford then got up closer to the camera with a pleading look. “Please, I’m very desperate!”

 “Bingo!” Blitzo called, shooting and exploding the TV again.

 0 0 0

 It was actually really easy to find where Blitzo was and the new sinner inventors. The killing company of imps had me very curious. If they could start a business, why shouldn’t I? And being in the company of amazing inventors…

 I could almost see the soul dollar bills floating into my hands.

 I snuck up to the building, merged into the floor, eavesdropped on their fascinating conversation…

  0 0 0

Crash!

 A metal plank crashed into the room from above as Moxxie scurried out of the way. Loopty Goopty strolled down the plank. “Blitz!”

 “Loofa!” Blitzo called, saying his name wrong. “We can explain everything. I was…”

 Crash!

 Millie pulled Moxxie out of the way before another metal plank landed in the spot where he would’ve been. From on the floor, Blitzo’s butt was very much in view. Blitzo glanced down at him and remarked, “Oh chill out Moxxie, if you kiss my ass any harder you’ll go right inside me.”

 Moxxie turned beet red in the face and scooted further back. Millie helped him up again.  

 “Thanks for saving me again,” Moxxie said. “I would’ve foamed at the mouth and maybe died again.”

 “Why would you think I would ever ignore you?”

 Moxxie shrugged.

 Just then, the demonic form of a man rolled down the plank. His body was black and spherical, with a mint green head wearing a black bowler hat on top. He had a large bushy light gray mustache and pince-nez goggles with dark red spirals on the lens like Loopty. His grinning teeth resembled piano keys.

 “Lyle Lipton?!” Millie, Moxxie, and Blitzo asked in unison.

 “I don’t understand,” said Millie. “We thought you went to Heaven.”

 Lyle Lipton chuckled. “Heaven?” He rolled toward Loopty Goopty. “You don’t make millions in technological advances in robotics by not experimenting on the poor!” He laughed.

 Loopy Goopty grinned as he unleashed his weapons in front of Lyle Lipton. “Finally! We meet again at last! Now that you’re dead, you have no money to keep from me!”

 “Well, I’m a better inventor than you!” Lyle scoffed. “And I’ll make the most money here first!”

 “Nonsense you no good son of a bitch!”

 “Tie yourself in a knot, loony Loopty!”

 “Roll in your grave, fat shit inventor!”

 “Two robotic inventors?!” called a nearby voice. A steampunk blimp hovered in the air and a well-dressed snake demon appeared from a hole in his ship.

 “Who is that guy?” Lyle Lipton asked.

 “I’m the one and only Sir Pentious!” he declared. Several Egg Bois were steering his ship. The eye on his dark top hat peered at the other sinners in curiosity. “With my dominating machines, I aim to take over all of Pentagram City!” Then he muttered, “The repairs were a fucking nightmare to endure.” He glanced at the leftover cracks and holes on the metal sides of his ship.

 “Oooh!” Loopty exclaimed in admiration. “I’ve only seen such inventions in old time history books. How long have you been here?”

 “Since eighteen eighty eight!”

 “Love the loopy numbers!” Loopty grinned, making three small eights with his contraptions. “I’m Loopty Goopty! Lyle is my could’ve been partner in crime but actually rival!”

 “When you’re rich as me, who needs a dead partner!” Lyle exclaimed.

 “You’re dead too, you know!”

 “Where did you cowardly sinners get here?” Sir Pentious asked.

 “Well we just got here,” Lyle called. “Experimenting on the poor made us millionaires! Just…be careful when messing with anti-aging machines. Made us both old.”

 “A machine that changes one’s age?” Sir Pentious pondered. “That could prove to be ussseful in the future,” he hissed.

 “Oh, you should join us, snake man!” Loopy suggested. “Or me, rather.”

 Sir Pentious briefly glared. “Hmm. While I’m perfectly capable of spreading my constrictive terror on my own…I suppose having some…lackey sidekicks would suffice.”

 “Don’t call us lackeys!” Lyle sneered. “And I’m not working with him!”

 “Maybe if we briefly collaborate as a team…”

 Lyle grumbled in annoyance.

 After a moment, Sir Pentious sighed. “Okay, you may join me, but…”

 He spread out his hood, revealing pink eyes. “Don’t even think about crossssing me.” He pulled his hood back. “Now go gather your contraptions and help me manage those scrambled fucking eggs!”

 A bunch of eggs in top hats and suits rolled out and jumped on the two inventors, who were stunned.

 Loopty then laughed evilly. “Inventors to inventors it is!”

 Just then, I popped out of the ground in the room.

  “Did someone say, I say inventors?! Name’s Wally Wackford, and I am lookin’ for creative new people to exploit! I mean employ.” I twirled my mustache with an evil grin.

 At last, a chance to expand my business of the mass production of robotic Fizzarollis! All of Hell will go crazy when they get a chance to buy all the sex robots, the merchandise, everything...and all to profit ME!

 “Everyone, stop fucking up my walls!” Blitzo yelled. “Moxxie’s gonna have to fix all this shit! Satan’s balls! First we deal with Heaven’s table-scraps, now this?”

 I smiled. “Well I guess you can say, you say, you have a holey operation here, Blitzo!”

 I slapped my knee and laughed at my own joke.

 “Get out,” Blitzo muttered.

 Soon I doubled down on the floor laughing. “Oh! I said, ‘o’!”

 Blitzo yelled, “No, I’m serious, get the fuck out!”

 Everyone in the room looked at Blitzo in shock and surprise.

0 0 0

 And then, that one other time where I helped host the Harvest Moon Festival Pain Games!

 Wally Wackford a.k.a. me…stood on the wooden stage, holding a gray microphone decorated with an eye in the center and small horns on the top. I wore my usual white shirt, vest, white pants and dark boots. I twirled my black cane and tipped my black top hat.

 I spoke dramatically through the microphone.

 “Welcome, I say welcome all to Wrath Ring’s annual Harvest Moon Festival! To kick things up, we have the great prince Stolas-a here to user in this here Pain Games!”

 Stolas took the microphone from me and chuckled in slight embarrassment.

“How kind, Wackford.”

 Stolas then addressed the audience. “Greetings tiny Wrath Ring imps. I hereby welcome you all to another year of celebrating the spoils of your labor that continue to feed the citizens of Hell!”

 A crowd of imps glared at him and several boos were heard. Many of these Wrath imps were impoverished farmers who lived on scraps, meat or good crops if they were lucky. The food they worked so hard to produce was consumed by royalty and those in the other Rings. But the reward for their work was being underfed, underpaid and underappreciated instead. The unbalanced cycle had lasted for generations.

 I, too, stared at Stolas with a glare in my eyes. That rich royal thinks he can parade around, doing whatever he wants. Well unfortunately for him, I have plans of my own. Once he sees what I’m capable of…

 He will know who really rules the roost.

 Stolas obliviously continued. “I’m happy to kick off the start of these games that will challenge the toughest imps to show their skill and dominance.” He did a little wave with his fingers. “Good luck to you all!” He noticed Blitzo in the crowd beside Moxxie and Striker and spoke lower. “Especially that sexy little one there! Yoo-hoo, Blitzy!”

 “Oh fuck me,” Blitzo scowled.

 A gun went off and the games began.

 The first event was the race. Moxxie was instantly trampled by the other racers.

 The second event was the high jump. Striker climbed over the high wooden ramp structure with ease and raced after Blitzo who jumped past him. Moxxie struggled to keep his balanced as he reached the top. He slipped down, trying to use his claws to hold on. He fell with a splash in a small puddle…and was promptly chewed on by a monstrous black and white shark with several red eyes.

 The third event was an event with rope. Striker grinned as he held a tied up Blitzo. Blitzo’s arms, legs and horns were all tied up. Moxxie gulped as a stronger grinning imp tied him up with ease.

 The fourth event was tug of war. The crowd cheered as the two teams pulled hard. Striker, Blitzo and Moxxie were on a team. Moxxie stumbled and fell into nearby water, where the shark attacked him again.

 The fifth event was mud wrestling. Blitzo and Striker grinned as they wrestled each other, Striker getting the upper hand as he held Blitzo down, arms locked. Moxxie was instantly crushed in a football hurdle by a group of imps. As they got off of him, Moxxie sat up. And the shark leaped out of the water and over the fence.

 “Mother fucker!” Moxxie screamed as the shark crushed him. (Moxxie somehow survived all this.)

 I hopped back on stage.

 “I say, I say for the first year ever, we have a tie, for the winner of the Harvest Moon Pain Games!”

 Stolas took the microphone from me again.

 “The winners are…Striker, and my darling Blitzy!” Stolas did a one-legged pose as the crowd cheered.

 “Just say my name right!” Blitzo complained. He muttered “Fucking dick,” as he and Striker walked onto the stage.

0 0 0

After the event, I noticed that I.M.P. and Stolas had left. After sharing an undiscernible look with Striker, we parted ways.

 I soon returned to a special place in Greed, tired but determined. I walked alone down dark hallways, torches burning green flames on either side. I wagged my pointed red tail.

 I pushed open the double doors and came across a marvelous sight.

 Gold. Heaps of it, just shining brightly all around the vast spacious chamber. Gold pillars held up the cavern-like ceiling, a chandelier made of bones and diamonds hung from above. There were chests of necklaces, precious gems, goblets and weapons of every shape and size. Hanging on a far wall, concealed in shadow were angelic weapons…at least half a dozen.

 I stared around in amazement. Even Lucifer would be surprised if he could see this place.

 I raced around and tossed the gold coins into the air. In a craze, I rolled around in a nearby pile of green dollar souls. With a grin, I stood up and stared with pride at the grinning face of the jester printed on there.

 A face confident in his ability to deceive others, pursue wealth and bask in endless entertainment.

 The grinning face was all too familiar…

 …because it was my face.

 Wally Wackford leaned his head back, mouth open in a high pitched shriek as dark magic flickered around him. The imp form fell and morphed into shadow. In the imp’s place, a large black beast with thick fur, razor sharp claws and red eyes decorating the body. The figure stood up on two powerful furry legs and sat comfortably in a giant golden throne that occupied the center of the chamber. Angular jester clothing of red, gold and purple stripes adorned the wolf body. And finally, a large spiked black crown sat atop the dark loopy jester hat with bells at the ends. A white and gold jester face showed sharp white teeth and glowing yellow eyes. Dark clawed hands juggled fresh demon skulls into the air and popped them into his large mouth. He crunched loudly before swallowing every bit.

 My imp disguise was perfect. Literally no one else save for Robo Fizz and a few elites knew who was underneath. And even then, my magic was so powerful it could easily confuse anyone around me.

 Being an imp has its advantages; you can travel anywhere and gather information along the way. You can track imps from a killing company and find out where they’ll likely travel to next. You can affiliate yourself with your own robotic creations, some slave imps and succubi…and then in your own form, work with a fellow Deadly Sin on the next stage.

 A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

 Funny, really. Wally Wackford could easily be a separate being, born into poverty, learning to scam others at an early age and go up from there. I, however, didn’t need to learn anything…deceiving others and attracting material wealth was a natural talent. As was shapeshifting.

 Lucifer might not be happy with me coping his idea of a theme park…but business is business…and in Hell, anything goes.

 That incompetent prince Stolas would be dead soon enough. No more Goetia showoffs to get in the way of my rule and reputation. At least the prince’s wife was rightfully concerned with maintaining tradition that has existed for centuries. Aside from my dear friend Lucifer, I was, and should be, the most powerful being in Hell. I’ll keep exploiting those I choose because money is money.

 Those I.M.P. assassins have no idea who they were dealing with.

 I let out a crazed evil laugh, intermingled with a wolf’s howl. With a single touch of my hand, my nearby scepter turned into gold. I admired its shiny flawless sheen. Asmodeus, Leviathan, Lucifer, Satan, Belphegor, Beelzebub and myself…the Seven Deadly Sins…circus-loving rulers of the Overlords and in charge of maintaining chaotic order in our respective Rings.

  I, Mammon, had much to do.

[moreaugriffins]

Just vibing with the deep want of wanting to either be a (actual) snake or be like lucifer/most cocky suave British guys in shows (that are fuelled by self hatred)

[soulcluster-moved]

A Relatively Comprehensive List of Crossover Verses for Mass E.ffect

If you wanna write in one or are interested, comment pls! or leave a note on my interest checker~

Doc from SWtoR

ME A notorious medic working on Omega. He finds that he does his best work under pressure, and sometimes healing requires a gun. He’s known to work with gangs and also to double cross them.

ME:A Signing up to be part of the Andromeda Initiative, Doc, who is formally listed as Archiban Kimble, was one of the first to be released from cryo and brought aboard the Nexus. He saw the uprising and was subsequently exiled for healing both sides during the chaos. He now largely spends his time on Kadara.

E.llie Langford from D.ead Space

ME Born on Omega Station. She used to work for a mining company, operating their transports, and was regularly found in different ports. She had a team she trusted with her life.

On a mining expedition, her crew uncovered a Reaper artifact, and they subsequently all turned to husks. Ellie barricaded herself and sent out a distress signal but not before having to kill several of her teammates and losing an eye in the process. Since quitting her job, she now works salvaging ships and trying to get to the bottom of what happened to her team.

Kaitlyn Hawke from DA (OC)

Detailed here

Kihanda (OC) SW-based

ME The togruta race discovered space exploration some years ago, but are rarely seen in the Milky Way. They prefer to keep to their home planet of Shili. However, some do leave, and Kihanda, strong in biotics, has struck out from her home world to see the galaxy. Where her people are reclusive, Kiha wants to see the galaxy, and hires out her skills to do so.

WIP Verses That I Just Thought Up And May Not Make Sense

Lucifer - he’s most definitely in space. honestly it wouldn’t be much different from his normal verse. I mean, he also literally created the cosmos with the help of his brother so also like....why just stay on earth??? he could be anywhere

Cell - Cerberus experiment pls PLS i suddenly really want this. it’d be like grunt ?? tank-bred baby that needs morals slapped into him 

Cid - I like the idea of him building ships for the alliance...I think I used to have something like that written out for him.

Adam - definiteellllyy! I already talked a bit about this one here. also cerberus experiment, next step in human evolution, they sort of kind of really succeeded but he hates them so..  this is basically his 616 verse but ME. I’m not sure how I’m handling his powers yet

Gam - Also p much a transplant from her 616 verse. ME can have its own T.hanos right?? inter-galactic warlord

S.olid Snake/G.ray Fox - I think they’d have similar verses where either a version of their game events plays out in ME form OR their games play out then hundreds year later they’re brought back in cyborg bodies. I’d probably lean the latter for simplicity’s sake

Johnny - as;lkdjasdad he’s like, a more suave & capable conrad verner tbqh. Johnny could be working for mercenary groups and comes across Shep & co every now and then and he’s always fumbling and somehow managing to get by and not die and also sometimes helps

Quiet - is it lame to go ‘cerberus experiment’ again or ??? Maybe XOF could be a black ops group for cerberus and quiet is still their agent. she could be assigned to help shep in me2 :eyes emoji: i like this, let’s do this

Cecile - did someone say space eco-terrorist????

Muses I think would fit but I’m too lazy to think of ideas: Belle, Emma, Jefferson, Han, Rey, Rue, Lara & TR co. muses

Also I’m sorry but while I have played ME:A it was ages ago and I remember little BUT I’m still willing to write in it!

[wolf-in-a-suit]

Soul tax

Show: Supernatural

Summary: So your in hell! Not actual hell, but considering your annoying coworker Kevin and a soul draining boss, that would give Lucifer a run for his money, it's as close as it get's. How are you going to survive corporate purgatory? And why is there a new rich customer asking for the help of an intern? Well, find out...

You sighed, for what felt like the hundredth time that hour. The busy clicking of your coworker’s fingers, dancing over his keyboard, was the lullaby threatening on rendering you unconscious. Never before, had you been so grateful for the wall of blinding computer monitors separating your desks, but here the annoying things gifted you with a secluded fortress. A bastion against the boredom of corporate life, you - or rather your brothers - had subjected yourself to. So, you continued to try to look busy, 'researching' on your favorite music website. Who knew, the insurance company you worked for could get a client from the music industry any day now, you were just preparing for any eventuality.

Bam - the door flew open and you, along with your heart, jumped into the air. Funny, you had never realized how utterly terrifying the appearance of a boss could be, you would rather go two rounds in the ring with a Vendigo, than face the sharp gaze of your supervisor. Once your guts had settled back into their respected places, you switched the screen with two clicks to the numbers you were so busy working on. Then you turned, to face cooperate doom personified, and were greeted with - a deserted hallway. Weird. Kevin your coworker, was too engrossed into the exciting world of paperwork to pay any attention, or care for that matter. Shapeshifters couldn't turn invisible right? "Are you actually going to get some work done, today?" A sneering voice erupted from behind the mountain of paperwork. 'Shut up, Kevin!' was the first thing shooting through your mind, but of course, an interested intern couldn't say that. So, you settled on the next best remark: "Yeah, right away."

See, that would teach him! You really had to hand it to the normal folks, this was just hell. The hunter life seemed like a walk in a flower field compared to the stacks of paper threatening to bury you here! Anger burned in your stomach, just thinking about your brothers. "Sorry kiddo but you're the responsible one, so it's perfect." Dean’s clap on your shoulder was followed by a wink. Going with the family motto: Offence is the best defense you started: „But Sam was a-" Sam’s voice seemed unusually rushed while cutting you off: "And we're both far too old to apply as an intern, it would look suspicious." To his credit he writhed a little under your smoldering glare. Dean on the other hand, seemed unimpressed. "You don't wanna tip the shapeshifter off, right?" And thus your contract for eternal - one month - suffering was signed. "Today!" The tower of paperwork had grown even more. Oh, how you wished that Kevin was the shifter... That would be so much fun. Bam- this time you didn't react to the door barging open, some draft insisted on gifting you with a possibly fatal scare every ten minutes today. Apparently your survival skills had dulled, this much was clear, when instead of a gust of air your boss, in all her imposing glory rushed into the room. When her sharp eyes focused on your computer screen, currently advertising the newest training trends, her neat shoes clicked to a stop at once. 'Busted! What is she doing here?' According to her neatly plucked eyebrows, just now meeting on the bridge of her nose, she wasn't about to hand you the employee of the month award. Your body tensed, a rabbit preparing to be swallowed whole, though to your surprise the snake didn't bear its fangs, instead: "There is an important, very wealthy-" here her eyes glazed over almost lovingly, as if talking about her boyfriend "-customer, I need help with." With the air of a privet, subjecting himself to a possibly fatal mission - all for the glory of his homeland - Kevin rose from his seat. "So ___, come along!" Pluck, Kevin’s weight falling heavily back into his chair would have been music to you, if you panic hadn’t started to wreaked havoc in your chest. You had no idea how to help! You were just the intern, the glorified doormat of any company! Did they now expect you to take on responsibility, as well, as making coffee? "Mam, do you really think I'm the right person for...?" She scoffed dark hair whipping on her shoulders. "For whatever reason, the client requested the presence of an intern." If your inner alarm bell hadn’t bleared before it now was Quasi Modo having a nervous breakdown in Notre Dames bell tower. Clack, clack your bosses strides echoed down the corridor an urgent beat to them. You simply followed, entering the meeting room meekly behind her. The sight that greeted you there was enough to freeze your whole body.

"Ah how lovely, fresh blood." There, sitting both proudly and relaxed at the same time was none other than Crowley. His devious smirk was accented by his black suit and blood red tie. You settled on the most eloquent and suave approach to handling the situation like a pro: Starring at the demon dumbstruck.

"Not the most extroverted flower in the pot, hmm?" His white teeth gleamed and your boss made a sound probably supposed to be a laugh, while nudging you -rather forceful- into the direction of your 'client'. "Well, ___ here is new and you’re her first client: Stage fright, all part of the rooky year experience." She clapped your shoulder in a seemingly jovial manner, but the tightening of her grip, with nails as sharp as claws, wasn’t lost to your aching flesh. The demon’s eyes followed while you were being ‘respectfully’ manhandled into a seat across from him. His dark eyes gleamed with mirth at the prospect of the Winchester sister being served to him on a silver platter. "So Mr. Johnson, I think you will love our offer of..." but you would never know what exactly was so tempting in making a deal with the devil. Which was for the better, as you had no idea who would claim the soul of whom in this tank full of sharks. "Mrs. Smith, I would prefer your esteemed-" he pressed the word, emitting all it’s sweet juice "-intern here, to handle the hard work." The smile fell, as your boss smelled deceit but was soon replaced with an even broader smile. "Mr. Johnson, surely you want someone familiar with the work to handle your case, in order to avoid any mistakes." Shark teeth shone brightly in the dim light of the room. When Crowley reached out you almost jumped him. Judging by the mocking sideway look he cast you, your murderous intention wasn't lost to him. He didn't deter, however and grasped your boss’s hand.

"I would rest easier if I knew your delicate fingers to not be bothered with such trivial matters." Such foul sweetness was placed into each syllable that you felt the need to empty your lunch into the trash can, next to the desk. The bastard even had the audacity to stroke the woman's hand, while silently enjoying your reaction immensely. "Furthermore, everyone needs to start with some client and I so do love helping people learn from their mistakes." The dark charm rolling over your boss did the rest: "Of course Mr. Johnson, thank you for giving our intern this possibility." All caution and businessman ship forgotten, she almost floated out of the room. Clack, the door fell shut leaving you, glaring at a very satisfied demon. You couldn't keep your eyebrow from climbing farther up your brow. "Johnson? You gotta be kiddin' me!" The king of hell, simply regarded his nails. "Well, I suppose some of that Winchester charm has rubbed off on me." "What do you want? What are you planning?" At this Crowley feigned a hurt expression. "Darling, you wound me! Am I not allowed to visit you at work? I am merely a concerned-" "Like hell you are! Now spill!" He halted in his theatric pose, a hand on his nonexistent heart, and regarded you for a moment. The former mocking quality of his dark eyes froze and an unsettling expression crept into them. "You're just like moose, always looking for the great agenda. But did you ever consider the fact that..." Here, he leaned in, far too close for comfort "... I'm just enjoying seeing you squirm?" He leaned back and continued in a relaxed fashion: "One of the merits of being a demon, is seeing a certain hunter jump each time a door flies open." A roar escaped you "You little son of a..." The demon ignored your outburst and activated a button on the table. "Mrs. Smith, I believe your intern needs help here." His eyes drifted up to you, gesticulating and waving to him: ‘Please don't do this to me!’, but the sadistic expression stretching around his features, spoke volumes about the nose dive your day was about to take. What a day! Crowley had taken every opportunity, and you meant every opportunit, to make your live miserable: Asking for the most complex contract, an exact calculation of every financial way his investment could play out were just love tabs for him. Each time you dared to deviate from your task, mostly by throwing curses at him, he simply called for your boss like a lap dog. At the end the Chi Wawa thanked him for his patience with the untrained intern. You facial muscles still felt sore for trying to hold a smile at that. What had you ever done to deserve this!?

"Hey, Zuckerberg how is going?" Dean greeted, while you were busy throwing the heavy warded door to the bunker with too much force back in it’s place. Sadly, it simply drifted shut with a click. So much for therapeutic, anger reducing, door slamming. You spared your brothers an unamused look, while muttering something about ‘planning to kill someone’. Slam, the door to your room, wasn’t as fortified against a twenty-something’s fury. Sam and Dean exchanged a look, and silently agreed: Whatever it was would settle itself, they put a good amount of distance, between themselves and your room, for good measure. After all, they didn't want to be over bearing brothers! Without changing your clothes you fell into bed, vowing to kill both Crowley and Kevin. The tortured faces of your soon would be victims, lulled you into a restful slumber.

You woke up to the heavenly smell of coffee and the soft sound of a strumming guitar. Carefully opening one eye, you were greeted by the sight of a tablet, laden with croissant, jam and an apple on a stool right next to your bed. “What the actual, …” How did your brother’s get through your closed door. A few moments later, nursing your first cup of coffee you started to wake up. With that came the realization that this wasn’t a very Dean, or Sam-ly fashion of showing support. ‘But who?” That’s when you registered who was singing on the record: "I went to the crossroad, fell down on my knees."

The next minute was filled with you, spluttering, trying to emit coffee from your lungs. When you finally calmed down you sat on your bed, a little shell shocked, but soon a small smile stole itself on your features. To the seemingly empty room you said: ”Well, thank you Mr. Johnson!”

[danipaxte]

Lucifer and Apple Blossoms

Fandom: Satan and Me

Ship: Natan

Word Count: 7500

Rating/Content: PG, mostly fluff with some swears

Summary: Natalie finds herself bored with her life running a flower shop, until she meets the new owner of the tattoo parlor a few doors down

A/N: A long overdue fic for @astarisms

Natalie tried not to be judgemental of the client type at her flower shop. No, tried was the wrong word. Most days, it came easy to her. She saw human beings like she saw her flowers. Unique and beautiful. Everyone was different, and everyone had their different reasons for buying from her. Weddings, graduations, anniversaries, hospital visits, deaths. Natalie’s clients all had lives of their own, some celebrations, others heartbreak and mourning, and she provided the gestures of congratulations or condolences with positivity and joy.

She wasn’t sure what it was about that day that made things different. Maybe it was the the barista down the street who had been making Natalie coffee every morning for a year somehow managing to get her order mixed. Maybe it was the shipment of carnations for the wedding order she had next month arriving a whole three weeks early. Maybe it was the throb in her thumb from the damn roses she had been trying to arrange but eventually gave up on when they just wouldn’t stop making her fingers bleed.

Whatever it was, Natalie found herself irritable that morning. Irritable with life: her shop - her gross coffee - her tender fingers- her middle-class, credit card paying, sedan driving, neutral colors wearing, office dwelling clients. Irritable with how all their faces looked the same and all their interactions seemed forced and how Natalie felt like there was no one left on earth that was quite as interesting and vibrate as the silent plants she spent her days surrounded by. Everyone that came in were just washed out in color compared to the garden she made around herself.

It was while having this fleeting moment of pessimism, taking a sip of the coffee that she paid far too much for to let go to waste, that the bell on the entrance door chimed, triggering a disgruntled sigh. Gathering her last bit of patience, Natalie left the back room with a forced smile to greet the client, but she was stopped in her tracks the moment she turned the corner.

The first thing Natalie noticed was red. Blood red, like her favorite richly colored roses, spanned across broad, straight shoulderblades. Nobody she knew wore a color like that; they wouldn’t dare. Red said things. Bold things. Confident and desirable things. It was always why her clients wanted the reddest roses. To say the things they couldn’t say in their muted wardrobes and their timid lips.

The stranger in red turned to greet her, and the next thing Natalie noticed was white. Sharp, pure white like her beautiful, dangerous oleanders, peaking out behind the smirk on his lips, and she found herself wondering if his mouth was poisonous also. “I need a flower.” If his mouth wasn’t toxic, she could at least see how his words might be, with a voice like that.

“You’re certainly in the right place.” Natalie hadn’t meant to be sarcastic, but it came out of her mouth that way before she could muster the usual politeness. He didn’t seem to mind her tone though; on the contrary, his smirk widened.

“With a smart mouth like that, I’m willing to bet you’re the one that came up with the name of this joint. Eden, huh? In that case, you wouldn’t happen to be Eve, then?” He had flirted before. In fact, Natalie was willing to bet it came natural to this stranger. Like titillating conversation was the only type of back and forth they knew how to keep up. She had dealt with her fair share of snakes and slime balls though, and she found herself disappointed in his choice of banter. The Eve line was just overused. She had thought this stranger would be a little more suave, in his well-tailored button up, sleeves rolled up to his elbows.  

“Let me guess, you wanna be my Adam?” Natalie managed the bored tone she was aiming for.

He had grinned even further, like she had walked right into a trap he had set. “Hardly. I’m more like the snake.” In a too convenient coincidence, he leaned over the counter with his cheeky reply and Natalie caught her first glance of the inking on his forearms: A snake, wrapped around the skin, it’s head peeking out at his wrist, bared fangs.

Natalie ignored the sudden heat on her face by moving to fiddle with some of the window arrangements. “You’re an artist at the new shop?”

“Owner. Is it that obvious?”

She shrugged. “Not many people around here have tattoos. We’re still a pretty… conservative community, to say the least.” Natalie briefly imagined Kristi’s reaction. Rhyming off about tattoos being the devil’s signature or something else ridiculous like that. “Inferno Ink. By your own logic, that means you’re Dante?”

“Close,” he replied, all devilish teeth that made the red on Natalie’s face deepen. He offered an outstretched hand along with his name. “Lucifer.”

“You’re kidding,” Natalie answered doubtfully, yet still hesitated to take his hand, as one might when offered a shake with the devil.

He eyes flashed with humor, teeth like fangs. “I get that a lot.”

Natalie shook her head slight, then shook his hand. “Well, Lucifer, do I have just what you’re looking for.” Before she’d even finished her words she darted around the counter to the other side of the store.

“I didn’t even say what I want-.”

“You came for an arrangement for your shop entrance, didn’t you?”

He followed her with his eyes as she hurried around the shop to collect springs of other plants to add to the on-the-spot bouquet, a smirk playing on the corner of his mouth. “Something certainly caught my eye...”

“Crocosmia. They’ll be perfect for your front window.” Natalie didn’t hear him, only returning to the conversation once the springs she had collected were all in a vase together. Proudly presented her cluster of exotic red flowers, Natalie offered an explanation. “Crocosmia is the genus name but they go by more common names depending on where they come from and the color. Coppertips, Montbretia, Falling Stars. These ones though, are called Lucifer.”

She had surprised him. Natalie could tell by the way his eyebrow lifted, followed by the corner of his mouth twisted up with unexpected pleasure. “If that’s true, you certainly know how to make a sale.”

Natalie smirked also, trying to talk through the embarrassment his praise left on her cheeks. “Yeah well, you made it easy. It’s not like there’s any flowers named Natalie.” She didn’t notice he had pulled out his wallet until he already had the money in his hand. The flush on her face deepened as she shook her head. “No, please. Take them. Consider it a… welcome to the neighbourhood.”

“That’s kind of you.” Again, his mouth hooked upwards in that pleasantly taken aback look, returning the bills to his wallet and picking up the vase of flowers. “At least let me repay you somehow. If you stop by the shop I’ll return the favor.”

“You sell flowers at your tattoo shop?” Natalie snorted a little, not catching on right away as she watched him head for the door.

He nodded, his eye gleaming humor at her aloofness. Using his free hand to pull the collar of his shirt aside, he revealed a pattern of blood red roses stretched across his collarbone, up towards his shoulder. “They’re my speciality too,” he explained, before exiting the shop with a wicked grin.

“What is that look for?” Sheila asked when Lucifer returned to the shop, not even stopping her hand as it floated across the Braille lines of her favorite book.

“I wasn't giving a look. You're literally blind.” He responded, the smirk that was lingering on his face demoting to a growl.

“I have bat ears, they can hear you grinning.” she was finally pulled away from her reading, sniffing at the air. “What the hell is that smell? It's like those pastries Ipos liked so much in Europe.”

“What smells amazing?” Ipos shouted from the back room, not hearing the conversation, yet somehow getting a whiff of the strong fragrance. Sheila lifted an eyebrow, as if her milky eyes could display the pointed expression she was going for.

Lucifer explained once Ipos had joined them at the welcome desk. “It’s saffron. These flowers smell like it, apparently.”

Sheila shifted to take another smell and grimaced. “Why do we need flowers exactly?”

“Because they look good, stop questioning me.” Lucifer spat, setting the flowers neatly on the desk next to her.

“Guess I wouldn't know.” Sheila muttered sarcastically.

Ipos smirked, watching Lucifer's forgetting for a moment before adding, “you certainly found something that looked good, but by the expression on your face it wasn't the flowers.”

Sheila snorted. “Told you. Bat ears.”

“Have I said recently how insufferable you both are?”

“Awfully defensive, Lucifer. She didn't shoot you down, did she?” Ipos teased further.

Lucifer glared. “If you must know, I had a neighbourly conversation with the flower shop owner down the street in which we exchanged polite pleasantries and she offered flowers as a welcome gift. That's it.”

A laugh slipped out of Ipos at Lucifer's faked innocence. “Nothing's ever neighbourly with you, Luce.”

“There checking out more than just the flowers.” Sheila added, smirking when she pulled a low chuckle from her partner.

“I can see it now. A cute, small town flower shop girl. I bet she was wearing a little white sun dress too.”

“Likely a redhead.”

From down the hall where Ipos had come from, another voice chimed in with a yell. “Did someone say redhead?”

“Mind your own fucking business, Pax.” Lucifer barked back.

“How did you even resist your urge to corrupt such an innocent little thing?” Ipos continued to probe, barely missing a beat.

Lucifer growled, finally breaking to their torment. “Alright, enough. Cards on the table. I indulged my eyes on more than just her floral arrangements, but I don't shit where I eat. We found a good place here and I'm not about to screw that up but screwing with the neighbors, and I expect the same from all you. She's off limits, to everyone.” Pausing for effect, he added in another shout after a moment, “you hear? That goes for you too.”

Pax cackled from a room over. “No promises.”

“Did you see yet, Natalie?” Kristi exclaimed while she scuffled into the flower shop, arms full of sample bouquets that she had brought with her to a wedding consultation.

The tone of her voice and the perspiration that made her forehead dewy suggested something had her angry-offended, which wasn't necessarily an uncommon occurrence for the blonde.

Learning over the years to take Kristi’s outrage with a grain of salt explains why Natalie's reaction was little more than a hum as she returned her eyes to the crossword she was struggling with.

“The neighborhood has gone to the thugs.” Kristi explained once she emptied her arms, still dishevelled with her overwhelming disgruntledness.

Natalie finally looked up from the paper and gave a skeptical look. “Thugs?”

“Yes. Thugs. Covered in God awful gang imagery.”

It took her a second, but Kristi’s logic clicked in Natalie’s head after a moment, triggering her eyes to roll up to the ceiling. “Just because you have tattoos, doesn’t mean you’re part of a gang, Kristi.”

She scoffed. “Yes it does. Tattoos make you part of Satan’s gang. Of sinners and damned. The lot of them. Especially the shop owner, ugh!”

“Wait ‘til you find out his name...” Natalie remarked under her breath, Kristi completely missing the comment as she continued her rant.

“The spitting image of the type of guy after nothing but your virtue. Gives me chills just thinking about being near him.” Kristi mocked a shiver for good intention.

The same thought also gave Natalie chills. A different type than she imagine Kristi was alluding to, though.

“Tattoos might as well be blinking signs of who to stay away from.”

So why was it like a moth to a flame for Natalie? Just a glimpse of the art on his skin earlier like that week and she was relentlessly curious to see more. The beauty of her favorite flowers, immortalized on another living thing. Which other of her petalled friends did he have inked into his skin that she hadn’t seen?

“Come on, Kristi. Are you telling me you wouldn’t consider a cute little butterfly on your shoulder. Or a starfish? It’d be adorable.” Natalie crooned,  humoring Kristi’s outrage. It was an alluring idea to Natalie, the thought of a tiny sprig of cherry blossoms hidden away on a part of her body where only the ones she was most intimate with would see. A secret bit of beauty she got to wear on her skin.

The blonde paused for a moment with Natalie’s suggestion, putting a palm to her shoulder, a crease between her brows suggesting her consideration, before she shook away the thought and huffed.  “I think... that your body is a temple from God. You shouldn’t alter it so permanently.”

“I’ll make sure not to tell the big guy upstairs about your highlights then.” Natalie teased, grinning when Kristi grew red with embarrassment.

“That’s not fair! I had a date…” She frowned, tugging on a strand of hair from her fringe.

Feeling guilty for messing around despite herself, Natalie offered a heavy sigh. “I’m just saying… aren’t you being a little judgemental?”

“Why do you care? Are you going to get one now?”

Natalie scoffed. “I didn’t say that.”

“Well. If you like them so much all of a sudden, you should go get one.” Kristi said, putting on her holier-than-thou expression as she pretended to take the high road.

“Maybe I will.” Natalie threatened, only slightly jokingly this time because the blonde was beginning to get on her nerves.

Kristi nodded and smiled, heading for the back room, but making sure to get the last word, offering in a sing-song tone, “have fun in hell.”

Natalie really hadn't expected to go to the tattoo shop any time soon. She was sure that most people wouldn't pass up the chance at a free tattoo but Natalie had never really been the type. The idea, while appealing, felt out of place to her, and even worse, she knew she'd stick out like a sore thumb walking into a place like that.

Kristi had been relentless though, pushing at Natalie's last nerve the entire week, even after she'd requested to drop the topic many times.

To make a point Natalie had stormed off with the facade that she was going to get the tattoo that they were arguing so much about, but now half way down the street she was beginning to have regrets.

Kristi would be watching so she'd have to go in, but if she entered the shop what on earth would she say when they realized she wasn't there for a tattoo? What would she say if he was there?

The flowers. She was just checking to see if they were taking care of the flowers she gave them. With her perfect excuse, Natalie managed to commit with her plan, strolling confidently into the tattoo shop once she reached its door a few shops down from them. Her determination diminished immediately upon entering though, suddenly painfully aware of her unmarked flesh and light floral sun dress in a room full of alternative art and dark colors.

The girl at the front desk was the perfect contrast to Natalie, with ink across her upper arms and sneaking up under the sleeves of her shirt. Famous pieces of artwork, all flowing together seemlessly, some Natalie recognized and others she didn’t. Strategic scars littered in the spirals of Van Gogh’s Starry Night, and pimpled skin to mimic brail wrote quotes that Natalie couldn’t read over her forearms. This girl didn't even look at Natalie, but addressed her with a bored, “what do you want?” as she unfolded her legs and stretched out her feet a little, leather boots up to her knees to go with her vibrant colored hair.

Natalie stumbled on her tongue. “Um. I don't want anything. I'm just… I own the flower shop I was just stopping by to check on the flowers I gave to, uh, to Lucifer. If you take care of them they should last a while… um…” She managed to get a hold of herself but lost her composure again when the girl turned in her direction. “Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know you were-.”

“You're the girl from the flower shop? You sound more painfully adorable than expected.” The desk girl said, leaning forward to rest her chin in her palm.

“Thank you?” Natalie responded, unsure if that was suppose to be a compliment or not.

“I'm Sheila.” She held out a hand in slightly the wrong direction, and Natalie hurried to shuffle over a step and take the handshake.

“Natalie,” she offered, then resisted the awkwardness by trying to fill the silence. “So you must take care of the appointments and stuff?”

Sheila blinked her white eyes, somehow managing offense without adjusting her expression. “Of course not. I'm an artist.”

Natalie gaped for a moment. “But you're…”

“Ipos can you bring my tattoo gun, we've got a client.”

Panicking, Natalie offered a nervous laugh as she waved away those words. “That's not necessary I'm not here for a tattoo, seriously.”

“Is it because I'm blind? You don't think I can tattoo, right? Because I'm blind.”

“N-no I just, I didn't want one in the first place, I'm sure you're a great tattooist, I-.”

“Stop messing with the poor girl, Sheila. You'll give her a heart attack.” Another stranger came from the back of the shop, a wide grin on his teasing face as he interrupted. He was tall and wide and wore a tank top that left nothing of his body to Natalie’s imagination, including the tribal tattoos that littered most every inch of his tanned skin. Even with his domineering presence, his smile was warm and inviting as he tried to reassure Natalie. “Don't worry. Sheila isn't allowed to touch the tattoo guns. Not like she hasn't tried…”

Across from them, Sheila pouted. “You're always ruining my fun, Ipos.”

“Don’t worry, Sheila. If you want to tattoo someone I’ll let you do me.” Yet another person had joined them from the back rooms where Ipos had emerged from, a shorter boy covered in black and gray tattoos of sharp branches, barb wire, fire, and smoke. He bounded over and hopped up to sit on the desk next to Sheila, grinning mischievously in her face despite her not being able to see.

“Do you even have any bare skin left, Pax?” Ipos mused skeptically.

“I think I’ve got some here somewhere…” He replied with a grin, teasing the edge of his pants down over his hip bone before Sheila swatted his hand with abnormal precision. Like she’d made that movement too many times before.

A blush sneaking onto her cheeks as she lowered her gaze to the floor, Natalie tried to interrupt, her voice timid. “If Lucifer isn’t here right now maybe I should just go…”

Pax switched his attention, spinning himself around on the desk to face Natalie now, his wicked grin directed at her. “Everyone’s always looking for Luce. He’s not the only artist here you know? With virgin legs like those, I’d like to get you in my chair, have my way with you. You might not be able to handle me your first time though… I’m a little rough.”

A lame come on like that and any other occasion Natalie would have had a sharp response, but the three-on-one conversation had her overwhelmed, so instead she fumbled and flushed while trying to speak. “I’m not here for a tattoo, I-.”

“She’s from the flower shop.” Sheila said, easily finishing the sentence Natalie was having trouble getting out.

“I’m Natalie,” she picked up enough confidence to hold her hand out to the larger man for a shake.

He raised an eyebrow, smirking a little when he took her hand. “Ipos, and this shameless asshole is Pax. I like your dress.” A polite enough compliment but for some reason Natalie blushed regardless when she noticed the other two stifle smirks when he said it.

Pax grinned, his smile practically fangs. “A redhead just like you said, Sheila. Be still, my beating heart.”

Not catching when Sheila had ever said she was a redhead, Natalie furrowed her brow in confusion. “I’m sorry?”

“Alright, enough harassing. Give it a rest, three stooges.” Finally, another voice, this one Natalie recognizing instantly for its dangerous, alluring tenor. Lucifer appeared at the front entrance, a bag of office supplies in hand, which he discarded onto Sheila’s desk before addressing Natalie. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect you to drop by so soon. Coming to cash in?”

Natalie shook her head wildly. “No, no please. I just wanted to check on the flowers, I realized I didn’t really tell you much about caring for them.”

“I have the internet,” he replied teasingly, smirking when Natalie offered an embarrassed laugh. “Come on, I owe you a flower. I’m not letting you leave now without one.”

“Already handing out free tattoos, are we, Luce?” Ipose teased.

Pax whined. “No fair, I wanted to deflower her.” He pouted, but was unable to hold it too long after cluing in on his unintentionally good pun.

“No really, I… I don’t even know what I’d get.” Natalie tried to insist, but she was no match for the four of them. Lucifer had told them to stop ganging up on her, but only seemed to join in on the torture.

He grinned at her stuttering. “I can pick for you. Nothing better than artistic freedom.”

Natalie imagined a great big garden of flowers flowing down her arm like the ones on his collar and shoulder, which she could see more of today thanks to the bowl neck long sleeve he wore. As beautiful as what she’d seen of his tattoos were, the idea of having all that ink on her skin was terrifying. Not to mention the pain. “No really I… I couldn’t. I’ve never had a tattoo before and, I don’t think my clients would approve.” She tried to offer more excuses but they came out weak as she caved to the peer pressure.

Lucifer had already put his hand on the small of her back to lead her further into the shop. “Something small, where no one will see. Don’t you trust me, girl?”

Natalie snorted. “I’ve only just met you,” she replied skeptically, but sat in his tattoo chair when he directed her regardless. They were away from the others now, but she felt the hairs on the back of her neck rising with their eavesdropping, making her self-conscious of the flirty tone her voice had unintentionally picked up.

He grinned wicked. “I have an idea. You’ll like it, I promise. I trusted your expertise with the flowers, didn’t I?”

She laughed again nervously. “Real flowers are not forever though.” Even so, he had peaked her curiosity, and after collecting a stool to sit next to her she asked on a nervous whisper, “It won’t be huge, right?”

“Scout’s honor. No bigger than a quarter. If you even last that long.” Another toothy grin that made Natalie thankful that she was already sitting.

“And where should it go?”

He had turned to sanitize his hands, lacing them into gloves. “Somewhere that it’s easy to hide, if you don’t want to show it off.”

Natalie bit at her lip, considering all her most concealed places and blushing with each thought. “I guess, on my hip? Would that… would that work?” Any other spot she could think of involved getting far more naked than she was comfortable with.

Lucifer seemed to enjoy her nervousness, but was kind enough to finally stop torturing her once the gloves were on. He flipped to professional mode, telling her to lower her underwear and hold up her dress at her hip for him, although his sly smirk stayed on his lips the whole while, keeping the red embarrassment on Natalie’s face.

He started with a marker, freehanding something on her skin, the felt tip tickling a little but Natalie was way more aware of how close this stranger was to her to be ticklish. The apprehension and nervousness fluttered in her stomach like captive birds, her heart pounding as he leaned over skin that only a select few others had ever seen.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, once he started with the tattoo gun, the pain kept her distracted from the electric charge she felt in her skin whenever he touched her. Instead, all she felt was the gun, like the spines of a cactus or getting scratched by a thorn. Over and over. As gentle as he was obviously trying to be, it was still so painful, she had to keep herself distracted by studying the roses on his collar until her vision went unfocused from staring. It was only his firm, flat palm pressing on her waist to keep her skin taut that kept her grounded long enough for him to actually finish.

When he gave her the signal that he was done, Natalie let out a relieved sigh, her grip around the hem of her dress loosening finally, the bones in her fingers aching. He chuckled. “You’re a trooper. I thought I’d wait until after to let you know that the hip is one of the more painful spots…”

Natalie almost growled. “I would have prefered to know that before hand.”

“You wouldn’t have let me if I told you, and then how was I going to enjoy such a lovely view while working?” With his teasing words, he let his eyes roam down the bare leg on the side of her that he had been working on, making Natalie shuffle to cover herself up some more.  

Giving him a glare, her response was only slightly teasing. “You really are a snake.”

A guilty grin, he nodded his head towards the mirror across the room as he turned to clean up his gun and dispose of the gloves. “Have a look.”

Natalie paused, suddenly apprehensive as she remembered that she had allowed this almost stranger to surprise her with a permanent marking on her body. Trying to fight the regret, she told herself that she’d make him pay to have it removed if it wasn’t anything but perfect. The promise helped her gather up enough courage to finally look, and she got up carefully to make her way to the mirror.

Once she finally got the courage to lift her skirt again, Natalie gaped in awe. He had already covered it to heal and it was a little red from being fresh, but the little white flower on her hip was beautiful regardless, veins of barely there pink working up from the center, where four filaments dotted yellow with pollen sat. She knew this flower.

When he made his way over, standing behind her for a reaction, Natalie probed, her cheeks going hot with his proximity. “An apple blossom?”

Natalie watched the corner of his mouth turn up, like he couldn’t be more satisfied that she recognized it. He leaned closer from behind her, his voice lowered to speak to her ear, his eyes flashing something slightly less playful than the looks they’d exchanged so far as he answered, “Perfect for a forbidden fruit.”

When Natalie returned to her flower shop, Kristi was waiting, bounding up to meet her.

“Well?” the blonde said, an expectant expression.

Natalie tried to act casual. “Well what?”

Kristi rolled her eyes. “You were in there for a while. Did you get one or what?”

“I said I would, didn't I?” Natalie said matter-of-factly.

Kristi snorted a little. “Yeah but you're kinda all talk sometimes.”

“Says you.”

Glaring, Kristi's tone went sour as she said, “just show me.”

“No, I can't.”

“And why not?”

Natalie considered being honest, because she kind of wanted Kristi to know that she had been badass enough to actually get the tattoo that she was so sure Natalie wouldn't get. Another part of her knew that Kristi would never just take her word for it, and Natalie certainly wasn't about to show Kristi her near private parts just to make a point.

She was also realizing though, that as much as she wanted to prove to Kristi that she was being unreasonable and ignorant, she also didn't feel like Kristi deserved to know. Natalie felt like the tattoo had awakened something in her. Something dangerous and exciting. A tiny flame alight in her gut, and she worried that Kristi’s judgement would snuff it out.

“I chickened out, OK?” Natalie lied, watching as Kristi's curiosity melted into satisfaction.

“I knew it. All talk.”

A part of Natalie really wanted to show Kristi to shut her up, but she didn’t deserve to know this new, secret part of Natalie. It was for only her.

“Yeah. I got in there and I decided what I wanted and got in the chair but I got scared when he pulled the tattoo gun out.”

Kristi hummed, her previous argumentative mood satiated with being right. “I don't blame you. I hate needles.”

“What the fuck is that look for?” Lucifer asked to Ipos after Natalie had left and the shop was quiet again.

The other man was observing from his place at the front desk next to Sheila, a skeptical smirk on his face, and when Lucifer addressed him, his lips twitched up at the defensiveness in his tone. “What look?”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “It was just some innocent flirting.”

Sheila chuckled from behind the magazine she flipped through, searching for perfume samples. “Innocent.”

“Certainly not a word that comes out of your mouth very often.” Ipos agreed. “What happened to the rule?”

“Nothing’s changed. I told you. Off limits. That doesn’t mean I can’t indulge myself in some teasing.” Scoffing, Lucifer waved away Ipos’s sly tone. “Besides, did you forget my other rule?”

“You have so many of them that you don’t keep, you’ll have to enlighten me.” Ipos flashed his teeth when Lucifer glared.

“Well, this one you can at least admit I’ve kept to. I don’t fuck with my clients. And now she’s a client. Why do you think I insisted?”

“Fair enough, Boss.” Ipos nodded, conceding with a shrug and watching as Lucifer headed to his office in the back of the shop. Once he was sure he was out of Lucifer’s earshot, he addressed Sheila. “What do you think, Darling?”

She hummed, licking her thumb to flip a page. “Someone’s got it bad.”

Ipos smirked. “Downright smitten, don’t you agree?”

“He’s stubborn though.” She mused. “He’ll need a push.”

“You read my mind, sweetheart.”

Natalie was surprised with how well the small tattoo was healing. When Lucifer had told her that it could scab or sometimes the skin rejected the ink, she had to admit she got a little paranoid. Alright, maybe not a little, but that was neither here nor there since she experienced none of that. There wasn’t even any extra bleeding after she left, which she was thankful for considering it made it easy for her to wear her usual clothes without worrying about her light dresses staining through.

It was a little sore, but she imagined that was normal, and put it out of her mind, until Ipos and Sheila paid her a visit in the shop one day.

“Luce said he wanted to talk to you, told us to come let you know to stop by later.” Ipos had said, casual enough that it didn’t make her worry at first. Natalie of course made the mistake to ask what about.

“Something about a possible contamination of his needles I think?”

Of course that sent Natalie’s concern into overdrive, and she had to come up with excuses for the rest of the afternoon when Kristi kept asking why Natalie was biting at her nails so hard and being so irritable. How dare they just drop a bomb on her like that, with a whole day left to have to sit on that information?

For some reason, just the thought made the tattoo ache a little more than it had been, which only made Natalie even more nervous. Did she have a infection? Was she going to die? She knew this was a terrible idea, she was going to give that snake-tongued son of a bi- gun a piece of her mind when she got there later.

Ipos and Sheila said to go to the shop after closing. The open sign would be off but Lucifer always stayed late so the door would be unlocked. Sure enough, when she arrived all the lights in the entrance were off, but the door opened when she pulled it, and the ghost of a light shined from the back of the shop.

“Lucifer?” Natalie called timidly, but didn’t get an answer, so she ventured further into the dark shop, towards the light. She inhaled, preparing herself for all the angry words she had spent the day going over as she turned down a hallway and towards the open office door where the light was coming from.

She called again once she was at the threshold, and Lucifer looked up from a drawing he was working, his eyebrows lifting with surprise, the corner of his lips following. “Natalie. I uh- I wasn’t expecting yo-.”

Natalie interrupted almost immediately upon seeing him, the words circling around in her head vomiting up in a long ramble of words that she barely breathed through. “Listen. Ipos and Sheila told me what you wanted to talk to me about and frankly I’ve been really upset all day. The tattoo has been sore and I’m kinda having a panic attack right now because I trusted you and you screwed me over like if I have an infection then you’re taking me to the hospital right now and paying for my bills and if I die I swear to God I’ll get my brother to sue the shit out of you and how dare you just coerce me into getting a tattoo you know I didn’t want just to turn around and be like ‘haha oops sorry the needle was dirty my bad’ like what the fu-... wait. Did you… did you say you weren’t expecting me?”

Lucifer had moved to get up and greet her, but the moment she started talking he sat back down to take her verbal barrage. He’d realized what happened before she had, so once her brain had processed exactly what he had said, he was already waiting for her to catch up, leaning forward on his desk with his head in his palm. “Ipos and Sheila, huh?”

Natalie felt the embarrassment hot across her face. “They were messing with me again, weren’t they?”

“Don’t take it personally. They get bored.” Lucifer offered, a chuckle on his lips when Natalie dropped her face into her hands.

“I'm so sorry. Oh god, I was practically screaming at you, you don't even know me you must think I'm crazy.” Natalie said, muffled through her palms.

He waved the apology away. “I'd be a lot more angry than that if I found out some asshole tattooed me with a dirty needle.”

Feeling thoroughly foolish, Natalie had the strong desire to escape and lick her wounds, but when she turned to leave the room Lucifer hurried to his feet to stop her. She protested weakly, “I’m sure this is hilarious to you but I’d appreciate if you let me be mortified in private.”

Lucifer shook his head to try and dismiss her self deprecating comment. “You said the tattoo has been sore?”

Natalie shrugged, the blush on her cheeks no longer from embarrassment but rather caused by the concern she caught sweep across his face. “I’m sure I’m overreacting. It’s just tender. You did stick me with a needle over and over again after all.”

She shifted to leave once more but he followed her movement, stopping her again. “I could, take a look. If you’re worried.” Natalie’s skepticism must have shown, because he had smirked and added, “complete professionalism, I promise.”

Natalie had been a little concerned about it, even before the dirty needle scare. She was also sure she was just being a hypochondriac, but perhaps his opinion would ease a bit of her anxiety. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t already seen… but they were also not alone in a back office on the previous occasion.

“I know I’m just being paranoid…” Natalie insisted, while he nodded her back into the room. She leaned against his drawing table and waited while he grabbed the stool he had been sitting on and sat in front of her instead. When he had settled, he sat for a moment and waited, lifting an eyebrow at her when she hesitated.

Natalie huffed, her face going more red. She hadn’t expected him to be level with her pelvis while inspecting the damn thing, and the fact that he found her nervousness funny didn’t help the matter. Biting the bullet, Natalie rolled up the edge of her skirt, careful to reveal only the absolutely necessary amount of skin.

Lucifer leaned forward once she gave him vision, grabbing her hip gently to steady her as he inspected. His playful expression fell off for a moment as he adopted a more serious look, just like the day she had gotten the tattoo, his professionalism taking over. Even so, Natalie had to lower her eyes to the floor to keep her red face from dissolving into vermillion.

“It’s a little red, but nothing to be concerned about. What are you sleeping in?”

Her attempts at keeping her cool immediately failed with his question, her free hand shooting up to cover her face. “Why are you asking me something like that?”

Lucifer’s let out a breathy laugh, obviously humored with where her head had gone. “The tattoo probably needs some air to heal better. If you keep it covered up all the time you’re going to have issues.”

This time, the heat flooded to her face was out of shame, like she’d been caught misbehaving and his suggestion was more of a scold. “I guess I can go without my pajama pants for a while…”

He laughed again, this time at her expense as he retrieved some lotion, dabbing a little on the tattoo when he returned to his seat. “You would wear pajamas.”

“They’re silk, ok? They’re comfortable…” Natalie retorted, the cool lotion a welcomed relief to the slight inflammation that she hadn’t noticed until then. While he rubbed it into her skin gently, Natalie let her eyes wander back from the floor to watch him. His head was tilted to the side a bit, neck stretch out and giving her vision of a bit more of his tattoo that stretched down his arm.

She still hadn’t seen the whole thing, and her curiosity was consuming her lately, especially since she had her own secret art to keep hidden. What were his sleeves covering, and how many people had seen? She doubted he put so much thought into it as she did, if she asked he’d probably show her without second thought, but Natalie had spent the last few days romanticizing the act of sharing her tattoo with someone, that the idea of finally seeing his tattoo in it’s entire felt… intimate.

She wasn’t sure when exactly her innocent curiosity had developed into more, but since the needle had touched her skin she felt a dangerous infection growing inside her. It made her want to reach out and pull his collar aside, not to see more of the tattoo but to see more of his flesh. And possibly more dangerous, it made her want to see more of his soul.

Because even now, as he tended to her sore skin, they barely knew each other. She was just a flower shop girl and he was just a tattoo artist. She wanted to know more though. Like the reason why he picked flowers and snakes to cover himself in. Was he just a fan, a flower lover like her, or was he covering something dark within himself, like a mask that would distract people from seeing the things he wanted to hide?

When he stood, it pulled Natalie out of her head and back to reality, adjusting her dress again as he put things away, the nature of her thoughts written across her face in a hot flush. She was lucky that she’d been red all night.

“No other problems with it, I hope. You’re happy with it?” He asked, an expectant smile.

Natalie nodded, but mistakenly let a apprehensive thought color her tone when she answered, “I like it.”

He caught the change in her voice right away, the smirk on his lips dropping. “What? Do you not like it? Don’t lie.”

“No I do. I actually have probably been enjoying keeping it a secret more than I should. It’s sort of, thrilling. Like I’m a little bit more of a badass just knowing that I have it. I guess the only thing is… I don’t really feel like it represents me.”

Lucifer stared at her for a moment, before chuckling and shaking his head in disbelief. When Natalie gave him an offended glare he explained. “You don’t know how desirable you are, do you?”

Instantly, her glare fell away and she looked to the floor. “I’m not-.”

“You’re the most dangerous type of girl. Genuine, heart on your sleeve type, waiting to be corrupted. If I was a weaker man, I’d have picked you clean of all your fruit by now. I can’t say I haven’t done so before.” He paused, sighing away something heavy, and Natalie noted that hint of his past and put it away in the back of her head. “How does that not make you just like the Apple in the garden of Eden? Temptation, personified.”

Natalie tucked her hair behind her ear, fighting the heat resonating up her collar. She was beyond embarrassment now though, fuelled instead with fiery determination. Because she’d heard too many times lately of what a sweet, innocent girl she was, while her body burned with something more. Getting the tattoo, was just a catalyst for something that had been stirring inside her for a long time. A boredom, a restlessness, a hungry desire for something new. Something, exciting.

“I know you mean it as a compliment, but I’m not just some thing waiting to be snatched up. I don’t feel like the fruit. I feel… I feel like Eve.” When Lucifer gave her a questioning look, Natalie continued, not daring to hold his gaze too long in fear of what the hot tension in the air would do. “I feel like there’s something new and exciting right in front of me, and all I have to do is just… reach out and take it. And that’s scary, the idea that everything I know could be flipped on it’s head, but it’s also so exciting I can hardly breathe.”

There was a long silence that Natalie let sit, hoping that perhaps Lucifer would reply, say something, anything in response to the piece of herself she had just somewhat unintentionally laid bare before him. When he managed no more than a dumbfounded expression though, she tried to shake off the thick air between them, giving a forced laugh and waving away her words.

“Forget it. I’m just being dumb… taking the Eden joke too far.” She turned to escape his office for a third time, and was stopped once again, his hand finding the wall by her head so she came face to face with the snake on his wrist. Then, the snake was curling around her neck, smoothly, gently, leading her wide gaze back up to his.

“You might regret it. The snake never did Eve the favor of telling her that pain comes along with knowledge.”

Natalie felt his words on her lips, like the fragrance of an apple skin wafting up into her nose before the first bite, making her mouth water with anticipation. Her heart raced, her shallow lungs hungry for air. Somehow, she managed a whispered response. “Knowing pain is a far more exciting prospect than not knowing anything at all.”

With her answer, the decision was made. His kiss was wild and tart on her tongue, just as she’d expect a forbidden fruit to taste.

[tantalizingturmoil]

Lucifer was not one to be silenced but one side of his lips curled when she shushed him and turned to take note of the woman sat not too far off from both of them. The weight of her stare may have matched his own but when she turned back to face him, her reaction was one he had not expected. Bursts of soft laughed tumbled from her lips as if the idea was a comical one and not a serious offer though the question brought back a sense of sexual suave he had be wearing moments prior.

"And where is the fun in that, kitten. If I told you, it would be less exciting." His head seemed to waggle as his finger came up to gently prod the tip of her nose on the word kitten.

"Good girl—you learn fast." Lucifer brought the crystal glass up to his lips. With a very smug grin behind the rim, he continued "Oh—you have no. I am dangerous."

As the words fell into the amber liquid within the glass, both of his dark brows quirked briefly. Tipping it back, a warm sting danced over his tongue and burned a hot trail down his throat. Lucifer loved liquor almost as much as he loved sex. Once he drew the drink away, her fingers found his jacket once more and tugged him towards her.

Lucifer's lips formed into a circle as he "oo"ed which was followed by his brows shooting up in surprise. Her breath was cool against his heated flesh as she spoke toward his dark slightly stubble dusted cheek. His free hand snaking around her slender waist to press a firm palm against the base of her back. The whispers drawing a shiver down the length of his spine. A deep chest rumbling laugh barreled through him at her statement.

"The Devil isn't trying to seduce you, darling—" his own heated words were spoken against the ridge of her ear. "—he is seducing you."

Her last comment didn't break his grin—no, instead it broadened. That hand still at her back simply pressing her tighter to him. The feeling of her curves plastering themselves against the expanse of his torso.

"Your lack of imagination baffles me. I am extremely creative and my list was way more than what you summed it up as." Lucifer ghosted his lips past her earlobe, pausing for a moment allowing his whiskey-scented breath to tickle her ear before entirely pulling away from her.

"Don't underestimate me. You'll find that the only person who is likely to get ruined by our exchange would be you. I am awfully addictive." With a dip of his head to the side, he rose his shoulders in a half shrug before pursing his lips almost dismissively. Once again he leaned against the bar edge.

preciouspearlsofpulp‌:

Lucifer couldn’t help but watch as her teeth captured the supple meat of her lower lip, a reaction in which he rather enjoyed seeing on a woman. With another dip forward, he closed more of the distance between them so his face was merely a few inches from hers.

“Oh, I know I’m correct.” The statement was full of smug ego. “A woman wouldn’t be wearing such a tight dress if she weren’t out to attract trouble.” Lucifer was a walking reminder of carnal sin, her outfit was practically the poster child. “I’m the trouble by the way.”

When her opposing hand came up and pressed against his shoulder, the sensation brought a small furrow to emerge between his dark brows. Although that dent had appeared, his smile remained. He wasn’t quite sure if she was simply touching him or attempting to push him away. The latter made a sore spot deep within his fractured soul ache—rejection.

Desperate to shake off that nagging little feeling, Lucifer released her hand and stepped back in a brilliant peacock display of inflated ego.

“Give me 15 minutes with you in my penthouse, a pack of cards, an inflatable shark, two jelly beans and that girl over there and I promise you that you will like my idea of fun.” One of his palms came out to motion at a brunette across the bar who was obviously already checking the devil out. With a nod to the girl, his other hand wrapped around his whiskey glass before his eyes came back to her.

     The smile on her lips only grew wider and brighter with each second, spreading into the shimmer of her eyes that watched him then with unabashed interest. History often had her on the other side of such an affair, weaving together pretty words and sinful promises, but now she found herself standing on the other side of the affair with her charm and confidence subdued by his shameless charisma. Gemina lifted her fingers to her lips in a ‘hushing’ motion while she turned enough to see the beautiful woman he’d gestured too.

      Tempting. 

     She looked for far too long before a series of giggles erupted from her chest. Thin, spiral locks of hair fell into her face as she looked down to shake her head at both him and herself. “What are the jelly beans for?!” She implored to know with pure joy echoing in her tone when she looked back up at him. “You are more than trouble. You are dangerous.” Her nostrils started to visibly flare and flatten as she attempted to dig past the scent of his cologne, trying to make sense of him. Unfortunately the numbing scent was stronger than his natural musk leaving Gemina in the dark, still left with only his word she wasn’t willing to believe.

     Glancing around to see what was around them before moving in with her hands grabbing at the edges of his jacket to hold him to her, Gemina made sure that her lips found their way close enough to his ear that he could feel the cold of her breath against his cheek. “You cannot tell me that the devil is trying to seduce me,” she whispered teasingly, “but I can tell you that I didn’t come here for pool toys, poker, or competition. So unless you’re going to happily tend to your bloodloss in the morning, I would suggest buying me a drink and moving onto the pretty woman down the bar that seems to fancy you.” 

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC is Half Demon and Blah Blah Blah-

Time for the Group Retreat!

Part 1 Part 2 Lessons 1-5 Lessons 5-6 Lessons 10-12 Lessons 13-15 Part 3 Part 4

I’m quite hyped for this one, ladies, gents, and esteemed readers! For simplicity’s sake, since this is before M!MC and A!MC arrive, L!MC will go back to being referred to as just MC. Enjoy the Headcanons!

Since the previous Underground Tomb incident ended much less violently, Lucifer is now more worried than angry about MC’s rampant shennaniganery.

Like... his kid was poking holes in his totally foolproof “Your cow-uncle went to live on a farm in the human world” story. What if MC somehow got into the attic and got hurt?!

It didn’t help that they were still in this weird phase of their father/child relationship. On one hand, Lucifer obviously cares for his kid, and his kid likes him... but it’s also only been less than three months and we all know how emotionally constipated Lucifer is.

MC’s also getting REAL sus of all the secrets their dear old dad is keeping... doesn’t help that they STILL haven’t went up into the attic.

Anyhoo~ the announcement for the retreat was a barrel of laughs.

“I’m proposing, a group retreat!”

Everyone met Diavolo’s announcement with the exact same confused reaction. It’s like the entire assembly hall was doing the ‘Guy Blinking’ meme.

“A... group retreat?” Lucifer repeated slowly. “For what reason exactly, Lord Diavolo?”

The Crown Prince was giddy with excitement as he explained. “MC told me about their middle school overnight trip and it sounded like it would be quite fun!”

Simeon, Luke, MC, and Solomon were all seated next to each other in the ‘exchange student seats of less importance’. Luke leaned over and whispered a question to MC.

“Why are you so friendly with the crown prince?”

MC smirked and shrugged. “Lucifer had the Demon-Flu and couldn’t go meet with Lord Diavolo last week so I went for him. Lord Diavolo’s surprisingly bad at Connect Four but has really good luck in Snakes and Ladders.”

Luke’s jaw dropped in complete and utter shock and horror.

“We’re playing CandyLand and the Game of Life next time, want to come?” MC added.

“Play CandyLand... with him..?” Luke looked at Diavolo, who was still explaining his plan for the retreat, then looked back at MC. “I’ll only go to shield you from his corrupting influence.”

“Yeah... Corrupting...” MC had to hold back a laugh at the thought of Diavolo, who during MC’s visit lit up like a Christmas tree upon being called ‘Dia’ and believed that Mood Rings were the greatest human invention ever, being a corrupting influence.

“MC! Torture dungeon or no!?” MC was snapped out of their conversation by Mammon shouting at them from his seat.

“What?”

“Do ya think there’s a torture dungeon under the castle, or not?”

“I’m not sure,” MC turned to Diavolo. “Lord Diavolo, is there a torture dungeon under the Demon Lord’s Castle?”

There is in fact, no torture dungeon. Presumably...

Everyone packed up and headed out to the Demon Lord’s Castle!

The fabulous seven all broke several speed limits and traffic laws in order to be there early. Listen, they had to get there before Purgatory Hall, it was a matter of pride.

Besides, what’s the Royal guard going to do? Arrest six of the seven rulers of hell and a kid? Ha. No. Not when Diavolo controls their paychecks.

The rooming situation remained the same, Asmo, Simeon, and MC were roomed together, and MC got to watch Asmo get psychologically profiled by Simeon. It was truly a sight to behold.

MC was nice enough to assure Asmo that they really liked him and thought he was very sweet.

Asmo, not used to being complimented on his personality, almost started openly weeping.

So, the tour of the Demon Lord’s Castle began! Asmo got yelled at by his ex in the painting and the usual batch of idiots got sucked into the catacombs under the castle.

Lucifer wasn’t terribly sure how or if he should express his concern for MC being stuck in the labyrinth.

All these new fatherly feelings of worry are very very odd. He didn’t worry this much for Satan, mainly because Satan was usually the threat.

Even as a baby...

Lucifer found himself checking his DDD every few minutes to see if MC had texted or called from wherever the painting dragged them to, never mind that if they did text he’d hear the phone ding.

“Lucifer, don’t worry too much,” Diavolo patted Lucifer on the shoulder, a bright smile on his face. “Your brothers and MC will be perfectly fine! There’s nothing too dangerous in the catacombs that they wouldn’t be able to take care of.”

Resigning himself to the fact that MC was under the care of his last choices for babysitting, Lucifer put away his DDD. “I know they’ll be fine, but I’m not overly pleased with the situation.” He shot a glare at Helene in the portrait, who rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

“Lucifer worrying about someone, I’m truly, genuinely shocked.” Hearing Satan’s attempt at goading him, Lucifer, flawless demon that he is, resisted the urge to throw his DDD at his brother.

“Quiet, Satan.”

————

“WHY THE FUCK IS A SNAKE DOWN HERE?!”

“ITS HENRY 1.0!”

“YEAH THAT REALLY CLEARS STUFF UP, LEVI!”

MC and Levi continued their screaming match as the group ran for dear life from a giant snake.

Yeah... nothing the brothers couldn’t handle... sure, Lord Diavolo...

They made it out of the scary catacombs... don’t worry.

Lucifer did that parent-thing where he cleaned the catacomb dust off MC’s face with a napkin.

Yay! Parenting!

Failed pillow fight attempt #1 happened that evening. Because Mammon was obsessed with being the fun-uncle and saw his brothers encroaching on his place as favourite uncle.

MC doesn’t know how to break it to him that he’ll probably always be the favourite uncle and he doesn’t have to be such a dumbass to keep his spot.

Scavenger hunt went on as canon dictates.

Asmo had his diva tantrum and stormed off, but MC also wanted to win so they didn’t go after him.

Clearly expecting someone to go beg him to come back, Asmo was very annoyed when no one went after him.

“Um, helloooo? Anyone going to comfort me~?”

“Nope.”

“Well I don’t want your comfort anyway, SOLOMON.”

It was very close, L!MC insisted their loss came from sabotage. No evidence was found but just LOOK at Satan’s face.

Time for the Formal Dance~

If you’re wondering why Luke didn’t say anything when MC was suddenly poofed into their demon form, you’re assuming that Mammon wasn’t in on the “let’s prank the chihuahua” plan.

“Mammon..? Is MC behind you?”

“Nope! Why?”

MC was able to get to the other side of the ballroom with Luke none the wiser! Hell yeah, nothing like screwing with your friend!

So it’s canon that Lucifer is like, a solid 20/10, therefore MC is ADORABLE. What I’m saying is, some of the younger demons asked them to dance.

Asmo was also being MC’s hype man, which was very nice of him. Mammon also tried to give advice on how to be cool and suave. Beel was there for moral support.

“Alright kiddo, you need to be aloof and mysterious! People love aloof and mysterious, that’s why I’m so popular.”

“Don’t listen to him, MC. He flew into a wall as a kid and it killed all his brain cells. Just be proper but not snooty, sweet but not saccharine, friendly but not annoying,”

“Ask them if they want to share some of the hors d’oeuvres.” 

“Okay, first, aloof and mysterious are the last words I would ever use to describe you, Mammon. Second, Asmo I have no clue what you’re asking me to do. Third... Beel that’s the best advice I’ve received in recent memory.”

None of that mattered anyway because MC got swarmed with dance offers.

“Well,” MC smirked and held out their hand at the demon that was bold enough to ask them to dance first. “I admire the confidence.”

The demon’s smile brightened, then dropped completely when their gaze drifted behind MC. “I uh... on second thought... I’m gonna...”

MC’s potential dance partners all quickly scattered to the snack table. The half demon growled and turned around to see their father acting like he didn’t just scare away MC’s groupies.

“Father! What was that for?!” MC huffed, Lucifer rolled his eyes and grabbed MC’s wrist and began to pull them away from the dance floor.

“You’re too young to dance.”

“That’s crazy! They looked like they were my age.” MC protested, their wings fluttering in annoyance.

“Even if they looked to be your age, MC, they’re hundreds of years older.” Lucifer said calmly.

“What about that equivalent age stuff you told me about? Like how Luke is hundreds of years old but by angel/human standards he’s technically younger than me?”

“That doesn’t matter right now.” Lucifer lightly pushed MC towards the hallway that led back to their room.

“But I want to dance with someone!” MC felt their wings involuntarily fluff up.

Lucifer turned and smiled at his dear little brat, crouching slightly to get to their level. “Not on my watch.”

MC’s face was literally this: >:0

Lucifer is out here being the dad in every comedy that involves someone bringing home their partner to meet their parents.

MC was banished to their room, they spent their time angrily reading the manga they had packed.

When Levi escaped the party slightly later MC grilled him for details of what went on after they left.

“Nothing too interesting... except... um...”

“Spit it out, Levi!”

“...lrddiavlondlucferdnced”

“I can’t understand you, stop mumbling.”

“Lord Diavolo and Lucifer danced together...”

“...”

“...”

“I MISSED THAT?!”

So yes, MC’s desire to get a picture of Lucifer sleeping stems from VENGEANCE!

How DARE their father send MC up to their room and make them miss their OTP dancing together!?

So they call up their troupe of idiots and get ready to go be menaces to society.

MC also invites along Asmo because he seemed like he could use the adventure.

And because MC couldn’t plan the prank without Asmo noticing so it was better to just implicate him as well...

“Grrr...”

MC brightened and clapped their hands. “I know that growl!”

“It’s not my stomach, I packed snacks.” MC couldn’t see this, considering the room was pitch black (it must’ve been some kind of magic because demons have excellent night vision), but Beel waved a bag of chips in the air and got to eating.

“No, I’m not talking about your stomach, Beel.” MC skipped towards the source of the growling despite Mammon and Levi’s pleas for them to stop.

Ah! There he was!

“Cerberus!” MC cooed, the three headed dog stopped growling and barked happily. “Whose a good boy? Is it you?”

Cerberus let lose a bark that would probably make anyone crap their pants, but MC giggled and kept petting him. “Yeah! You’re the good boy! You like cuddles! Yes you do! Yes you do!”

A flash of light from a camera caused MC to drop their baby talk voice and stare angrily in the direction where the light came from.

“Whoever took that picture better delete it or I’m going to feed you to the dog.”

Cerberus growled in agreement. What a good boy.

“Well, as nice as this is...” Asmo huffed. “We’ve clearly been duped because this is not Lucifer and Diavolo’s room.”

“Oh well!” MC chirped and continued to pet the three headed dog. “Look at the doggy!”

“MC, you’re crazy. Dontcha ever forget that.” Mammon whimpered as Cerberus growled at him.

So yeah, they couldn’t get out of the room, so they ended up opening up the other door and falling into the catacombs like a bunch of lemmings.

Asmo charmed Henry, and they got out of the labyrinth no problem.

Yay! No consequences! Oh no- hi Lucifer.

Lucifer gave them all the mother of all lectures. Satan showed up with the rest of the gang and brought popcorn.

Belphie wasn’t there, okay? Satan needed to be a little shit for him.

Ah yes, the pillow fight... Mammon’s crusade to be the best uncle culminated in a massive pillow fight that ended with MC, Lucifer, and Diavolo standing over everyone’s unconscious bodies.

So they uh... won the pillow fight.

MC couldn’t sleep. They legitimately couldn’t. As exhausting as the pillow fight victory had been, everyone was snoring, and MC was bleary eyed and awake at one in the morning.

They eventually sat up and looked around, Asmo was passed out in a very unflattering position, Solomon was chanting god knows what in his sleep, Levi was half hanging off Simeon’s bed, Simeon and Luke were sleeping like angels (hehehehe-), Beel was in the middle of eating his pillow in his sleep, Mammon appeared to be dreaming about winning the lottery, and Satan was... suspiciously absent.

He was there a minute ago... weird.

Deciding that this wasn’t worth it and they should just go sleep somewhere else, MC got out of bed and avoided stepping on anyone as they vacated the room.

The Demon Lord’s Castle at night could rival the House of Lamentation in terms of overall creepiness. MC had gotten used to the spirits and curses that littered their home, but they had only been to the Demon Lord’s Castle once before, so they were extra careful not to accidentally touch anything. Their stomach rumbled and they frowned.

Damn, they had the midnight munchies... they needed a snack.

MC made their way to the kitchen and on there way, noticed a peculiar room through a half open door. Taking a few steps back to peek into it, they noticed... doors. A lot of doors. And ivy covered steps. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to any of the placements, and the room was... weirdly chilly.

“You can come in if you’d like, MC.”

Barbatos’ voice nearly caused MC to hit a high note that they hadn’t been able to hit since their voice began to change. They straightened out their wrinkled pyjamas and stepped inside.

The butler himself was walking down one of the flights of stairs.

“Um...” Quickly remembering their manners, MC straightened their posture and cleared their throat. “Good evening Barbatos.”

Barbatos smiled and inclined his head in turn. “Good evening to you as well, MC.”

“How did you know it was me outside? You were up there a second ago.” MC asked.

“It’s a part of my powers. I can see possible futures, and I foresaw you passing by my room and getting curious.” Barbatos explained.

“Oh,” MC said, half nodding and continuing to look around. A the sound of a door closing out of MC’s vision made them squeak and look around for the source of the noise. “What was that?!”

“It’s nothing to be worried about.” Barbatos raised his hands in a placating gesture. “These doors in my room are gateways to different timelines and some are gateways into the past of this particular timeline. That was another version of me passing by.”

“Does this... happen often?” MC knitted their eyebrows.

Barbatos hesitated before answering. “Not really. It’s quite rare. Lord Diavolo has expressly forbidden me from using my full powers freely.”

“Ah... makes sense...”

“Now, I believe you came down for snacks?”

MC blinked in surprise. “How did you- oh... the time magic...”

“Yes, the time magic. Now, would you prefer yogurt and fruit, or apples and peanut butter?”

“Yogurt and fruit please!”

I’m sure MC’s knowledge of how Barbie’s room works will totally not come into play later. I’m sure.

Solomon and MC graced the brunch table with their cooking. I think you can guess how it would have turned out if Barbatos hadn’t intervened.

Rest In Peace to Beel’s tastebuds.

Anyway, the rest of the retreat was all fun and good.

MC may or may not have slipped up and called Diavolo ‘Dia’ in front of Lucifer. It would’ve sparked a lecture if Dia’s puppy-like excitement wasn’t so damn adorable.

Lucifer’s got a heart... somewhere... it’s probably all shrivelled up and tiny, but I’m sure it’s there.

Everyone went back home, brought closer together through... pillow fights and surviving Solomon’s cooking I guess..?

Anyway, MC got home, unpacked their stuff, watched Kakegurui with Levi and Mammon, let Asmo paint their nails, made and ate dinner with Beel, continued their piano lessons with Lucifer, and received a 100% fake smile from Satan.

It was a nice day with their new family, MC curled up in their bed and prepared to go to sleep.

“Help me!”

MC lurched upwards in their bed, whipping their head from side to side, trying to find the source of the voice. Their room was completely empty, the perks of being half demon extended to being able to see in the dark. No new smells either, they were alone in the room.

Auditory hallucinations were common before falling asleep after being sleep deprived, creepy, but not too unusual.

“MC!”

Okay- that one couldn’t be ignored. It was common knowledge that the House of Lamentation was definitely haunted in some capacity, but the ghosts never really bothered the demons living inside, MC was partly convinced that some of the ghosts didn’t even notice that the demons were there. So it couldn’t have been a ghost calling their name.

“MC! I need help!”

The voice reverberated through their head, like it was trying to hit every part of their skull to make sure it was at least felt if MC couldn’t hear it. MC massaged their scalp and got out of bed.

The House of Lamentation at night truly lived up to its haunted reputation. Cold, clammy, dark, even by demon standards. No spooky old house was going to scare MC though, they walked down the hall with their head held high.

They walked closer to walls and furniture, knowing that the floor was less likely to creak in those areas. How did they know that? Mammon had told them it worked like a charm. Well, it’d work better for him if he stopped tripping over the furniture and alerting Lucifer.

MC was much more nimble and careful, stepping slowly and lightly around the hallways until they reached the door to the attic. They reached out to clasp their hand around the doorknob, then froze. It smelled like…

Oh no.

MC leapt away from the door like it was rigged to explode if they touched it and practically dove for cover into an alcove. The all too-recent smell of Lucifer’s fancy cologne and the increasing sound of someone coming down the stairs made them clamp their hand over their mouth and crouch down.

What was their father doing up there?

He had said the attic was full of old junk and there was no reason to go up there, so why exactly did he-

The door slammed open and Lucifer stomped down the hallway back towards his room, MC presumed. They were about to let out a sigh of relief when the footsteps paused. MC felt their heart drop right into their gut when they heard the footsteps coming back in their direction.

What were they going to say to him when he found them? ‘Sorry! This isn’t where the bathrooms are!’ The last thing MC wanted was to add to their father’s ever growing list of stresses. MC was totally responsible and grown-up, their father didn’t need to worry.

MC clamped their eyes shut and tried to slow their heart rate. Demons were beings of darkness and shadow, they could blend in quite easily. They took a deep breath, cleared their head, and felt the shadows of the hallway shift and cover them like a blanket.

Lucifer’s footsteps stopped, MC heard a tired sigh, then the footsteps started up again, this time in the direction of his room.

They allowed themselves a sigh of relief before relieving themselves of their hiding space and opening the door leading to the attic staircase.

If the rest of the House of Lamentation was considered clammy, cold, and foreboding, the attic staircase was that multiplied by a factor of twelve. MC felt themselves shudder involuntarily when they stepped closer to the staircase. Every primal part of their brain was telling them to turn around and walk away, but one tiny part was holding them back. They placed their foot on the first step, waiting for any kind of resistance, nothing other than the feeling of passing through invisible cobwebs.

“MC?”

Upon hearing their name, MC craned their neck to try and get a look at what could be waiting for them at the top of the stairs.

“Are you coming, or not?”

The cascade of warning sirens that began to blare in MC’s head went ignored as they continued to scale the staircase.

When they reached the final step, they were met with a long hallway, with a single door on the right side of the wall.

“H-hello?” MC tried to instill some force into their voice, but it still ended up quavering a little.

“Down here.” Someone knocked on the wall next to the door, almost causing MC to jump.

Oh. Oh no. MC stood straight in front of the door, and when they saw who was looking back at them they nearly passed out.

“Belphegor..?”

Belphegor’s eyes flashed as he gave MC a once over. His eyes narrowed when his gaze snapped to MC’s. The analytical expression melted into a lazy grin.

“That’s me,” he said softly. “Nice to finally meet you, MC.”