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Prompt in Memes 5
Once more, have a prompt entirely in memes because I'm too lazy to properly write one right now lol.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#prompts#De aged dan#de aged ellie#dad danny#mom danny#Fuck it make this a Hazmat Au too with a hint of eldritch Phantom form#Hence why no one realizes Danny Fenton & Phantom Dark are different people#No Danny is not ghost king he's just a little shit#Jazz is in Metropolis & Danny is around depending on where the āfield tripsā are#Sometimes he's in Gotham because Scarecrow or Ivy offers a lecture#Most of the time they're in Central though because it's safest for the baby villains in the making lol#Danny is taking classes for both medical stuff (thx Frostbite) and engineering#A couple of time travelling villains ADORE him and his kids lol#āSo u a monsterfucker?ā āWhatā āI mean I saw that ghost hero & I'm just sayin that's not human y'know-ā#Tucker stop laughing at him#Tucker and Sam and Val are also in the same villain school but taking different classes#Save for Tucker also being in an engineering class#Sam is fighting for that Ivy internship#Val is in the specialized Anti-Hero course that focuses on teen heroes who are done with that bs#She got in by telling them (not lying) that she's going to take down a branch of government even if she has to blow the whole thing up#Evil College Au#Danny made a mistake & now everyone thinks that he Val Sam AND Tuck were in a relationship with Phantom at some point#Eveery other student now refers to them as the Petty Exes#memes#meme
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no matter how many educationals i attend on the subject of marxist political economy i still can't discern whether i'm lumpenprole or a petit bourgeois artisan because i'm both and sometimes flip flop between the two. trying to proletarianize myself but can't because i'm in the reserve army of labour and the only way i can figure out how to make any income outside of disability support is to do the petit bourgeois artisan thing really badly because the market refuses to allow me to join the proletariat. economics is fascinating
#these categories are all morally neutral observations of ones relationship to production#in terms of organizing it places me in an awkward position because the primary avenues are via the student movement or union labour#and im not part of either and unable to join either so i offer my support as a fellow traveller
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Actually it was surreal as hell to look at my transcript today. I've got all but 3 classes done or in WIP. I'd have to Severely fuck up to fail any of my classes this semester, by this point. Which I don't think will happen. Honestly I might even get straight A's for the first time in college. Which would be cool!!!
So just three classes left. Just three. It's so wild. I'm pretty excited.
#speculation nation#for the first time i actually glanced at the 'apply for graduation' option#to graduate at the end of spring id have to apply by sometime in february.#idk i'll bring it up with the advisor tomorrow. make sure im actually good to graduate with these 3 classes.#part of the problem is the fact that i didnt see the classes i have to take 2 of on the offered list#which makes me nervous about whether theyre even available next semester. and what id have to do to take them.#alternative options? or *waiting*? thatd be even worse. so im not sure yet.#the other thing is that my major started requiring students to take an internship in order to graduate#but since ive taken a long ass time my index year aka when k started doesnt have that as a requirement.#at least that's what my last advisor said :p so im nervous about if this new one says differently.#an internship would certainly be useful for getting work experience and resume padding#but i never wanted to before bcus i needed to work my job. that paid me Money. unlike the probable internship.#and also i dont have my license and i DEFINITELY dont want to TRAVEL. what would i do with my cats#?????#so i havent done an internship. and i dont intend to. but if he says it's actually required then id have to work to get one over summer#etc etc. then graduation would be delayed.#i really really hope it doesnt turn out like that. i really Really want to just be done already. by the end of spring.#spring 25 give it up for graduating spring 25#i was originally class of 19 lol but i like 25 better. in terms of numbers.#class of 15 for high school and 25 for college... yes#and YEAH it's taken me 10 yearsšššš thats why i dont want it to take any longer šššš im so close i just wanna be DONE WITH IT!!!!!!#so fucking close i can taste it. im halfway done with my current semester too. So Fucking Close...
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...
#if u r curious abt following the saga that is my life:#i did finally accept an official offer from a school this afternoon. which is a huge relief and really exciting#and for once i think i did something that will b good for me in mind and body lol bc i think i could b happy with any of the places i#applied to but this program is most geared to my interests and its in a place where i think i can have fun due to the accessibility#of nature and the mountains haha. like at rutgers i think i could have got a good education and had a lot of opportunities but i think it#would have crushed my soul a lil bc it would b more high pressure and in the city. ya kno? so i hopefully i dont regret the choice lol#i still have to wait on the offical acceptance stuff but now at least i can allow myself to get excited abt the potential project and start#researching. which i mean ill have 5yrs of a phd for that but idk im excited and my life feels so empty and meaningless rn ive gotta take#the excitement where i can haha#anyway housing is gonna b a bitch bc there arent a lot of places available in grad student price ranges in the city to the point where they#said so in the official offer rip. and i have to decide when im leaving the southwest bc i could stay til August or leave in july and take#like a whole almost 2 months to just not b doing anything for a sec. and my dad was like !!! u could go to the crazy state parks#or drive out to the pacific northwest! and that would b amazing but also that sounds so scary to do on my own lol#like i dont wanna b missing and murdered as a youngish non guy traveling alone#but i could do it if i tried im sure. anyway i just wanted to let yall kno#bc im so doom and gloom on here all the time but a transition period is looming so im only stuck here for a few more months#and hopefully itll b a page turn into a happier place haha#watch out yellowstone cyanobacteria. im coming for u >:-]#knock on wood. ya kno. just in case#hhhh at least i can breathe a lil better now i have a direction#unrelated
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That cat trying to enter the Onomichi art museum reference got me. Is Izuna going to time travel at some point? The number of he doesnāt recognize who recognized him is increasing.
oooh, I actually didn't know that! (that it was a reference and what it was a reference to)
time travel does seem like the most obvious answer, right? but it would have to happen in the future of the main story (given the hairstyle, scarf and bandaged arms)
but (if true) this would make it the first time major info that affects the main story is introduced in yoseito first (afaik. i could be wrong i'll have to double check)
also, in yoseito ch 29 the principal was in the middle of saying why he hired Hatanaka before getting cut off, which i feel like has something to do with this, and also why he's close enough with Hatanaka to show him his face.
#asks#AAAALSO I JUST REALISED THIS MIGHT BE WHY RANMARU IS THERE IN HARUAKI STUDENT ARC#not rly tho bc even if principal made the same offer ranmaru still would have to accept#if theres ever a yohaji artbook i NEEED explanations for everything in that arc more than anything#if haru existing as he is affects hatanakas future which affects his past (assuming time travel) then that affects the past of every-#character who existed 100 years ago which affects the present#i need. answers
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#I got an amazing like out of this world job offer today#like one that I didnāt even think was possible at this point in my career because I donāt graduate until next month#like Iām shocked about it#itās supposed to be confidential but this is tumblr so anyways Iāve been in the dental assisting program for the past year and Iāll be done#in a few weeks#and I also have a previous associates degree and my last professor texted me earlier this week asking me to meet with her Friday#and Iāve honestly been terrified all week because I could only think it would be bad news#but she freaking offered me a job teaching dental assisting at the college with her#Iām shocked#teaching dental assisting and Iām not even graduated yet Iām the literal definition of flabbergasted#it would only be part time as an adjunct but Iād still be making almost double an hour than I would as a dental assistant#and I could also since itās only part time be a temp traveling dental assistant#so itās like an amazing opportunity#but Iād be so nervous about it because I know nothing about teaching and teaching people your age seems so weird and stressful#she gave me a couple of weeks to think about it so Iāll definitely be thinking#itās a great opportunity but Iām scared she has too much faith in me#but she did say sheās been teaching this program for 19 years and has never approached a student with something like this#so itās really like once in a lifetime#Iām leaning towards yes but Iāll definitely need to think more about it#the only downside is if I wanted to go on to do it full time Iād need to get a bachelors degree which shouldnāt be too hard I have a lot of#credits to would tranfer#I think typing this has made me lean even more towards yes#but I had to share I canāt really tell anyone else besides people close to me
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Discovering Bulgaria: A Comprehensive Travel Guide
Nestled in Southeast Europe, Bulgaria is a gem that offers a rich blend of history, culture, and natural beauty. From ancient ruins and stunning landscapes to vibrant cities and delicious cuisine, Bulgaria has something for every traveler. This guide will provide you with everything you need to know for an unforgettable trip to this enchanting country. A Brief History of Bulgaria Bulgariaāsā¦
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#A Brief History of Bulgaria#a visa may be required. Always check the latest visa regulations before traveling.#Accommodation Affordability Bulgaria offers a wide range of accommodations#Activities for Tourists in Bulgaria#adventure#africa#Airports and Infrastructure in Bulgaria#allowing travelers to enjoy a high-quality experience without breaking the bank.#among others#and Australia#and Burgas. Bulgaria has a well-developed public transport system#and democratic transition#and entertainment are reasonably priced#and festivals playing a significant role in everyday life.#and grilled meats. Donāt miss trying traditional dishes like tarator (cold cucumber soup) and moussaka. Q: Can I use my credit card in Bulga#and historical landmarks like Alexander Nevsky Cathedral. Plovdiv: One of the oldest continuously inhabited cities in the world#and kebapche (grilled meat). Cultural life is vibrant#and natural beauty. From ancient ruins and stunning landscapes to vibrant cities and delicious cuisine#and Protestantism.#and restaurants. However#and Romans leaving their mark. Established in 681 AD#and stunning landscapes#and trains. The road network is extensive#attracting students from across Europe and beyond.#Bulgaria boasts a well-established education system#Bulgaria has been a member of the European Union since 2007. Q: What is the local cuisine like? A: Bulgarian cuisine features fresh vegetabl#Bulgaria has something for every traveler. This guide will provide you with everything you need to know for an unforgettable trip to this en#Bulgaria is a democratic republic and a member of the European Union and NATO#Bulgaria is a gem that offers a rich blend of history#Bulgaria is generally safe for tourists
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need someone older.
(teacher!coriolanus Ć student!reader.)
summary: a teacher can do a lot in private lessons.
c.w: reader is 19 for repeating a year, age gap (coryo's 29), fingering, tummy bulge, heavy smut, edging (f. recieving), overstimulation, stuffed panties, mild public sex, petnames (coryo calls reader bunny, pet, good girl.), reader thinks coryo is married so . cheating implications, marriage proposal
being a dumb girl was something you tried your best to do ever since you repeated the first year of high school, watching all your friends graduating before you was something you weren't proud about- not for them, but for you. you were supposed to be by their side.
thankfully, you had your professor, coriolanus snow. god. he was the only reason for you to pay attention to class (or at least try to), you were hungry for his approval. for you to be called a "good girl", and be said that you've done well in your tests? yeah, you were willing to do anything for that.
when he offered you private classes, you said yeah without even thinking much. you needed to learn, and spending more time with him was something you craved for. the ring on his finger? fuck it. you wanted it. you deserved it. more than his wife ā if he had one.
you've been day dreaming about it constantly, eyes always searching for his on every class you had with him, and he would keep that smile painted on his face, not wanting anyone to think you were the reason for him to be smiling, even if you were, the didn't need to know about it.
"bunny," he voiced, leaning on your desk and taking advantage of the fact that you both were on the library, every student on the school had gone home and the teachers had gathered to go to a nearby bar. "stop looking at my dick now, will we?" he said, chuckling at you.
"huh?" you asked, finally waking to your reality.
"you need to learn that if you don't want to repeat a grade again." he said, sitting by your side, his hand holding your thigh. "you don't want to repeat now, do you?" you shaked your head negatively, and he loved seeing you like that, shy as a kitten even if you usually had his dick on your mouth when that used to happen. "c'mon, don't look at me like that. we have to put these things on your brain if you want to graduate already." he said.
his fingers slowly travelled all the way up on your panties, finding a small damp on the fabric, he looked at you with his usual smirk, his pupils blown already from everything he was about to do to you.
and now you looked like a mess. hands gripping on the library desk as your legs trembled with the aftermath of every time you almost came. you counted six till now, crying from how good it felt having him behind you, his fingers thrusting lewdly into your cunt.
"c-coryo- t-teacher, please. please stop it, i have to cum- i can't hold it in anymore!" you begged, clenching as his fingers rubbed deliciously on your clit after thrusting so many times inside you.
"well, it's not my fault, pet. you're the one getting your questions wrong." he said, pulling his dick to tease the core of your pussy, your cries only making him feel and making his ego bigger. "tell me, baby, how do you want it?"
"q-quick, pleease! if it get slower i-i think i'll die!" you said, legs spread as your skirt revealed a small part of your ass.
"oh, c'mon, i'm sure you can take it, baby" he purred in your ear, the tip of his cock teasing your pussy and slapping your clit slightly, making your body jolt slightly. you bend over, your elbows being now your main support at that table.
"please, teacher..!" you begged. but he didnāt even bat an eye to your cries, slowly sliding his dick inside you, and fuck, you both fucked on wednesday, how come he always seems to stretch you up so good? the pace he choose to torture you with was so slow, making sure you felt every inch of his dick inside you, stretching you, making you his. "please, don't do that to me. j-just ask something easier!" you cried.
"easier? okay... let's see" his hips bucked slowly into yours, your pussy gushing around him as if your own body needed that- as if he was the hair you breathed for. "what's your age, babe?" he asked, a playful tone being cast as his free hand massaged your boob, pinching on your nipple and freeing both your boobs from it's cage.
"n-nineteen." you said, and he laughed again as he said: "good girl, you're right.", his hips giving you a powerful thrust that made you cum with only that, making you cry from your own humiliation.
"ah, bunny, don't tell me you came already only with that." he said, joking with your face as you cried.
"i'm sorry- too good. i-it was too deep." he laughed, pulling back and thrusting deeper again, this time, you made sure not to cum again, edging yourself as he changed your position to put your leg over his broad shoulder, his dick making a bulge appear at your tummy. he loved that view- much more than he loved you.
"look at you, taking me so well. how does it feel, baby? use one of the words we learned at the literature class," he grunted your tightness coating his dick with your own juices, "use them, even if it's just two, and i'll let you cum."
"tortuous," you begin, crying from how good it felt, from how dumb you were getting. "spiralling, it's twirling my insides!" you cried. and he smilled, kissing and licking your tears before placing the most gentle kiss on your lips, pouding faster into you as you closed your eyes shut, moaning and grunting from all the pleasure- and yet you tried your best to avoid moaning only to hear his moans and the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh.
"good girl." he said, his hands holding your hips as he fucked you. it felt truly out of your world experience. his phone ringed just at the right moment he hit your cervix. "t-teacher, your phone- it can be your wife." you said, earning a frown from him as he turned the phone off.
"wife? baby, i'm single." he said, chuckling at you. "you've been walking around school with my cum stuffed in your panties even thought you thought i was married?" he pounded into you with a more quicken pace. "god, what a dirty girl you are. fucking around with married teachers." he teased you.
you felt a heat on your cheeks that you never felt before. god, how much would you end up humiliating yourself? "b-but, fuck! y-your ring-"
he showed you the ring. taking it off his finger with his mouth and sticking his tongue to you, an invitation for you to take the ring.
"keep it." he said once you took the ring
"but- s-sir, i-"
"mm, bunny, i'm a faithful man." he said. "and right now, i'm faithful to you." he said. you squirmed deliciously at the feeling of his cock filling you up again, his tip on your cervix as you came again, and soon enough, he came too.
he helped you get dressed into your panties again and straightned your clothes, a cast kiss on your lips before he smiled sweetly at you, putting the ring on your middle finger.
"i hope you know what that means."
"i-i do." you said, for both questions heavily implied in that context.
"great. then make sure to graduate, bunny." he smiled. "i'm sure the honeymoon will be great."
#coriolanus snow x reader#young coriolanus snow#young president snow#tbosas smut#the hunger games the ballad of songbirds & snakes#coriolanus snow fanfiction#coriolanus snow imagine#coriolanus x reader#coriolanus x you#x reader#teacher crush#teacher x student#dark!coriolanus snow
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now I'm actually invested in this idea. maybe I'll write a full length fic someday idk... for now I have short hcs
parts 1 | 2 | 3 | kalim | bad ending
summary: crowley decides to "give away" yuu to the highest "donation" for financial reasons type of post: headcanons characters: all nrc students additional info: can be read as platonic or romantic, except malleus is pretty romantic, second person pov, yuu is gender neutral, maybe a little ooc I wrote this as soon as I got up
crowley has had his fair share of "what the fuck" moments from you but this was really taking the cake
he acts so... casual about it?
swaggers into ramshackle one morning and says times are tough and your personal expenses are straining the budget so he's decided to "put you in someone else's care"
"The screening process will be vigorous to make sure you end up in good hands!" like you're a cat or something "Your expenses will be covered and you'll have somewhere to go during break!"
okay great. pretty obvious you have no say in this, so you don't even argue. what's the worst that could happen?
*ą©ā©ā§āĖ
Ace, Deuce, Jack, and Epel find you the next day to say they're pooling their money to buy you
"To what?"
Epel shrugs. "Oh, well Crowley said we need to offer a donation to prove we're capable of supporting you..."
(you think that if not for the laws of this land you would have slaughtered that old fart)
Jack goes on a really long tirade about how shady and underhanded this is, making sure to reaffirm that he believes you should be free to make your own choices
"So you'll let me go once you get me?"
"Uhhh..."
Ace thinks once they buy you you'll have no choice but to do all of his homework for him
Deuce says that's not really how it works- and even if he tried, Riddle would kill him
(they've already gone over this twice before finding you)
Epel happily volunteers to take you home with him over breaks, probably the only positive in this mess
even if he thinks the whole thing is kind of funny
*ą©ā©ā§āĖ
incapable of keeping his mouth shut, Ace accidentally spills the plan to Riddle, who is understandably aghast
you can't just give away a person under your care like a toy!
of all the irresponsible things...
of course, he'll have to put up his offer, too
purely for your sake! with a nicer room and a brand new copy of the dorm rules, maybe you'll stop getting yourself into trouble
he's got some family money (doctors, naturally) and considers this a worthwhile purchase, for his sanity and yours
of course, Trey and Cater overhear and may or may not be pooling their own cash for a chance, too
going behind Riddle's back on this is a risky venture, but hey, someone's gotta be on your side, here, right?
I mean, between a bunch of sixteen year old boys, the housewarden, and them, who would you choose?
actually don't answer that
...not that it's much of a secret, anyway. Cater's already got their gofundme equivalent link in bio
*ą©ā©ā§āĖ
Leona initially plans to have you become a live-in lackey like Ruggie
but then he really starts thinking- and, hey, the possibilities are endless, right?
for one, you'd make a really good pillow
he might have to kick Grim out for your full attention, but you could learn to live with that
and malleus would hate it
...that's reason enough for him
plus, he's got money to burn, so why not?
either way, he sets his bid at a reasonable (maybe too confident) price and sits back to watch the chaos unfold as everyone scrambles for a piece of the pie
news travels fast around school, after all
then Ruggie finds out that you could dethrone him as Leona's #2 and is understandably a little annoyed
that's his cushy post-grad job gig, thank you! he's worked hard for that!
besides, why should Leona get to hoard you? the guy can barely take care of himself!
so, Ruggie ends up outsourcing to a few dozen classmates for the necessary funds at a steep I-owe-you price
he's gonna be eating nothing but dandelions for a while...
*ą©ā©ā§āĖ
now, Azul is annoyed
once the news goes school-wide, it's all anyone can talk about
talk about good marketing...
why didn't he think of such a brilliant scam? he could have negotiated with Crowley to have a cafƩ brand deal tie-in!
of course, he's already set his bid, with Jade and Floyd offering to pitch in as necessary
it's a risky investment, sure, but a worthwhile one
Azul tells everyone that with the prefect's "obvious" popularity, having them at the cafƩ a few nights a week would drive sales through the roof
though that's really just what he says to shirk suspicion
a likely excuse coming from him, though, really, it would just be nice having you around
and if not for his own affections, Floyd's incessant begging and Jade's subtly manipulative comments about "how nice" it would be having a new face around would be enough for him to cave eventually
*ą©ā©ā§āĖ
"Kalim, no," is the first thing that Jamil says
"I strongly advise against this. It's another one of Crowley's silly scams and you could end up a target bec- are you even listening?"
hint: he is not
the second Kalim found out that he could get to take in his favorite magicless student like one of his treasures, he was all over it
(AKA infinite sleepovers)
and for what? a little optional donation to prove he's got the funds? he's got cash to spare!
he's already got your new room in Scarabia set up before he even puts his bid in
right next to his of course :)
and despite what Jamil insists, he himself might be working behind the curtain just a little to ensure he's the one who ends up with you
after all, why should Kalim get everything? this might be a valuable learning opportunity for him
You don't always get what you want
*ą©ā©ā§āĖ
as much as Epel tries to keep the rest of his dorm from finding out, it's inevitable
he's actually a little surprised that the news didn't get to Vil sooner
with Rook around campus, surely he must have said something...
when Vil does find out, though, he just sighs
oh, of course. what next, will everyone meet each other in the arena and fight to the death over the prefect?
of all the silly, immature things...
oh? what's that? he's bidding anyway? of course he is, silly potato. he can't have some unwashed miscreant making you sleep on polyester bedding
(really, he's the only person on campus worthy of your time)
Rook has also been mysteriously absent from the dorm lately, though his initials on a poem and a strangely large sum of money end up in the donation pile
but really, that could be anyone... Rook would never dare betray Vil again, right?
*ą©ā©ā§āĖ
Ortho finds out directly from the other first years and sends Idia the details immediately
with a little note of encouragement, of course: "could be excellent for improving your social skills!"
Idia understandably freaks out
"WTF!!!! nooo way! this is a person, not a chatbot we're talking about here! I can barely keep virtual pets alive!!!!"
(liar)
(...but this is still different)
the conversation ends there, but semi-anonymous bid from someone named "gloomurai" gets cashapp'd directly to crowley
*ą©ā©ā§āĖ
everyone in the room immediately turns to Malleus
"For the record, I think it's wrong to be bargaining over a human being," Silver says first. "But if anyone could handle it with grace, it's you."
Lilia laughs. "Oh, you're just saying that because you like the prefect so much!"
"Father, you're the one who likes the prefect so much,"
"Oh, right! carry on then. After all, I'm sure we could share,"
Sebek is the only one relatively against the idea, though Lilia luckily manages to get him to lower his voice after his third speech about how you aren't good enough for his liege
Malleus is rather quiet through the whole evening, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with any of the points made
he disappears for a short while, and when he comes back he seems a little more confident
though, of course, he goes to you first
seeing him at Ramshackle in the middle of the night is a familiar and welcoming sight after all of the chaos of your week
and he's in a great mood!
"Child of man! I've come with news," he says. "I have heard of your predicament and have come up with a solution!"
you immediately sulk. "Oh, no. You know I think this whole thing is terrible, right?"
"Yes, Silver mentioned you might not like the idea of being bought and sold like a trinket. But worry not, I do not plan on paying for you in money,"
you pause, at a loss for words, and then tentatively continue. "You're not...?"
"Of course not. What a primitive idea, I was baffled to hear it myself. My proposal will be more traditional: a modest sum of treasure, and a generous amount of livestock and the finest crop Briar Valley can offer,"
certainly he's not this naive, you think
"You really think Crowley is going to accept that over money? I'm pretty sure Kalim just bid away an entire country's worth,"
he laughs. "You speak as if this is some kind of business deal! I'm quite confident that my dowry will be best,"
huh. that was a strange way of putting it
but then again, you still didn't really understand how things work here, so you go along with it
and you allow yourself to relax. he seems confident in his offer, and he doesn't even see you as some kind of prize to win!
"Oh, well, alright. Thanks! I'm glad you're on it,"
he smiles. "Rest assured, child of man, you're in good hands. My dowry will far outshine the others, and the wedding will be even better,"
"I was honestly getting a little nervous for a momen- wait- wedding!?"
#twst x reader#shall I tag everyone even though this is pretty short... idk might as well#ace trappola x reader#deuce spade x reader#jack howl x reader#epel felmier x reader#riddle rosehearts x reader#trey clover x reader#cater diamond x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#ruggie bucchi x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#floyd leech x reader#jade leech x reader#kalim al asim x reader#jamil viper x reader#vil schoenheit x reader#rook hunt x reader#idia shroud x reader#lilia vanrouge x reader#malleus draconia x reader#idk if I should tag silver and sebek they're barely in it š#that's enough tags anyway
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A Guide to SAP HCM Online Training in India
#In the fast-evolving landscape of human resources management#businesses are constantly seeking efficient solutions to streamline their processes. This is where SAP HCM (Human Capital Management) comes#offering a comprehensive suite of tools to manage various HR functions. With the rise of online education#SAP HCM online training in India has emerged as a convenient and effective way to master this essential system.#Why Choose SAP HCM Online Training?#SAP HCM encompasses a range of critical HR processes such as payroll#talent management#workforce planning#and employee administration. Mastering these functionalities demands a thorough understanding of the software#and online training brings several advantages to the table.#1. Flexibility: Online training allows you to learn at your own pace#fitting seamlessly into your existing schedule. Whether you're a working professional or a student#you can access the course content when it's most convenient for you.#2. Cost-Effective: Traditional classroom training can be expensive due to travel and accommodation costs. With SAP HCM online training in I#you can save on these expenses while still receiving high-quality education.#3. Comprehensive Curriculum: Reputable online training providers offer comprehensive courses that cover all aspects of SAP HCM. From basic#you can gain a deep understanding of the system.#SAP HCM Online Training in India: What to Expect#India has become a hub for online education#and SAP HCM training is no exception. When enrolling in such a course#here's what you can expect:#1. Expert Trainers: Reputed online training platforms collaborate with industry experts to deliver high-quality instruction. You'll receive#2. Hands-on Experience: Practical exposure is crucial when learning SAP HCM. Look for courses that offer hands-on exercises and simulations#3. Certification: Many online courses provide certification upon completion#which can significantly enhance your resume and job prospects.#Conclusion#As businesses recognize the importance of effective HR management#proficiency in SAP HCM has become a valuable skill. With the convenience and flexibility of SAP HCM online training in India#aspiring HR professionals#existing HR personnel
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pre-recession, post-taste
Hello, everyone. I hope this blog can bring some well-needed laughs in really trying times. That's why I've gone back into the archives of that precipitous year 2007, a year where the McMansion was sleepwalking into being a symbol of the financial calamity to follow. We return to the Chicago suburbs once more because they remain the highest concentration of houses in their original conditions. Thanks to our flipping predilection, these houses become rarer and rarer and I have to admit even I have developed a fondness for them as a result.
Our present house is ostensibly "French Provincial" in style, which is McMansion for "Chateaux designed by Carmela Soprano". It boasts 7 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms, and comes in at a completely reasonable 15,000 square feet. It can be yours for an equally reasonable $1.5 million.
Every 2007 McMansion needed two things: a plethora of sitting rooms and those dark wood floors. This house actually has around five or six sitting rooms (depending if you count the tiled sunroom) but for brevity's sake, I'll only provide two of them.
With regards to the second sitting room, I'm really not one to talk statuary here because beside me there is a bust of Dante where the sculptor made him look simultaneously sickly and lowkey hot.
Technically, if we are devising a dichotomy between sitting and not sitting (yes, I know about the song), the dining room also counts as a sitting room. The more chairs in your McMansion dining room, the more people allegedly like you enough to travel 2.5 hours in traffic to see you twice a year.
Here's the thing about nostalgia: the world as we knew it then is never coming back. In some ways this is sad (kitchens are entirely white now and marble countertops will look terrible in about 3 years) but in other ways this is very good (guys in manhattan have switched to private equity instead of betting the farm on credit default swaps made from junk mortgages proffered to America's most vulnerable and exploited populations.) Progress!
Okay I really don't understand the 50 bed pillows thing. Every night my parents tossed their gazillion decorative pillows on the floor just to put them back on the bed the next morning. Like, for WHAT? Who was going in there? The Pope?
Here's a fun one for your liminal spaces moodboards. (Speaking for myself.)
Yes, I know about skibidi toilet. And sticking out your gyatt for the rizzler. I wish I didn't. I wish I couldn't read. Literacy is like a mirror in which I only see the aging contours of my face.
When your kids move out every room becomes a guest room.
Anyway, let's see what the rear of this house has to offer.
The migratory birds will not forgive them for their crimes. But also seriously, not even a garden?
Anyway, that does it for this round of McMansion Hell. Happy Halloween!
If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams.
Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar! Student loans just started back up!
#architecture#design#mcmansion#mcmansions#ugly houses#interior design#bad architecture#2000s design#illinois
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To everyone who can help spread our story... We are three children, and we donāt ask for your money if you canāt give, but we beg you not to hold back from sharing our tale. We need hope, we need someone to hear us, someone to feel our suffering. If you canāt donate, let us be your voice that reaches the world. Please ask your friends and everyone you know to share our story, as it might reach a kind heart.
We donāt have muchājust small dreams we want to live and days we hope will be better. Donāt let us disappear into painful silence; share our story, for that might be all we need to change our lives.
Donations are at their lowest levels, and we feel that we will die before we achieve our goal of traveling, which offers us hope for survival. Each passing day increases our sense of despair and darkness, with no glimmer of hope in sight.
@nabulsi @sar-soor @miametropolis @gotchibam s @ragnarozzys @troythecatfish @90-ghost @dimonfactor-blog @i-am-aprl @sayruq
@humanvoicebox @faggotfungus @ghost-a-lope @three-croissants @fairuzfakhira @ibtisams @soon-palestine @vakarians-babe @palipunk @vakarian-shepard @northgazaupdates2
@jezior0 @heba-20 @tamamita @thatdiabolicalfeminist @determinate-negation @save-mohamed-family @zegalba @ezrazone
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Ų§Ł ŲŗŲ²Ł ŁŁ
ŁŲŖ Ų¬ŁŲ¹Ų§#Ų¬ŁŁŲØ ŁŲØŁŲ§Ł#Ł
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Ų¬ŁŁŁ#Ų¬ŁŁŁ#gaza#free gaza#gaza strip#palestine#palestinian genocide#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#gofundme#free palestine šµšø#i stand with palestine šµšø#gaza under attack#ŁŲØŁŲ§Ł#Ų§ŁŲŁŲ§Ų©#Ų§Ų±Ų¬ŁŁŁ
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An Uninformed Narrative
Synopsis: You had lived in Stardew Valley for a year before you met the hunter from the adventures guild, Sukuna Itadori. It did not take long for him to catch your attention but you couldn't help feeling as if his affection resided anywhere but you.
Pairing: Sukuna x Reader
This is a Sukuna stardew valley au, heavily inspired by @tearzintheclub's similar series with butcher!sukuna, I highly recommend reading their work, they are super kind and were a big motivation for me to make this!
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You had been dying for a decade before coming to the valley, still, unmercifully, alive. The bitter years you spent milling away on a computer, endless days blurring onto the next. A monotonous cycle of tireless work for a corporation that left you unfulfilled, complacent, and depressed. Holed up in a city you did not even like.
It was corrosive, only now, a year later, could you look back and realize that life didn't begin for you until you moved to your grandfather's farm.
It had been hard work. You knew it would be. Still, the labor it took to keep up with crops and farm animals had been more than you anticipated. But you had friends now, and goals. And that was more valuable than anything.
One year ago, when you came to the valley, romance was quite possibly the last thing occupying your mind. Only now, being able to comfortably settle into your home, could you allow yourself to think about things other than the prosperity of your land and the health of your animals.
That brings us to now.
You had read books about the Stardew Valley mines back in the mountains north of town. Harvey, the village doctor, had warned you of its treacherous depths. Having focused most of your efforts on farm/house maintenance, you had not traversed into dangerous territory beyond upgrading your tools and acquiring bug meat.
This is why, after a whole year of living in the valley, you were surprised to receive a notice in your mailbox from "The Adventurers Guild", an initiation of sorts, requesting you to slay 10 slimes to be granted entry.
You had thought about it all evening. By the next morning, you felt up for the challenge. After taking care of the chores you left you made your way up past the carpenter's shop, dropped off a fish you caught the night before to your friend Linus, and entered the mines.
It had been scary but you protected yourself well and acquired some gems and geodes to show for it. It was late when you made the trek home, but you were determined to enter the adventurers guild the next day.
It had been a delight to meet Gil and Marlon, the two men who ran the guild. They sold weapons and protective gear, offered rewards for monster slaying, and purchased monster loot. Still having some on you, you traded them in for the cash. With a smile on your face, you decided to go into town to buy some icecream for Yuuji, Jas, and Vincent.
Penny, the town's teacher, had the kids in the museum for lessons until 2 PM, so you traveled quickly to meet them in time.
Penny was always a delight. Kind to everyone, even if they did not deserve it. She was so good with the kids as well, and dedicated much of her time to their education.
You had met Penny just a few days after moving to the town at the local flower shop in the Cidersap Forest. You had learned she was quite fond of Poppy flowers and the owner of the little place, Jin Itadori, was unbelievably generous, always interested in hearing about your farm, and always willing to give out a flower or two.
Yuuji, being the florist's son and Penny's student, became a quick friend of yours and always wanted to talk whenever you came by the shop. Of course, you never minded and listened intently whenever the boy felt like sharing a fun fact about the flora in his home.
--
Time passed with the changing of the seasons and it wasn't long before fall was upon you.
Ever since entering the mines and joining the Adventures guild, you have been thinking about the quests Marlon and Gil have sent you on. Though it is dangerous, scouring the mines for the flesh of monsters, it brings you a thrill to know you are doing something good for the community.
A post had gone up on the community board in town about collecting bat wings and bringing the population down to a manageable level the other day, and in your spare time, you had been working on completing the quest.
It was late one night when you began to make your way back up to the mountains from the mine's elevator, you had quite the collection and enough time to sell it at the Guild before making your way home.
"You've been keepin' busy." Marlon greeted you as the wind pushed the door open along with your arm.
You smile at the man, unloading the backpack of your finds. "Well there's always something to do around here." you reply.
"True as the day is long...." Gil rocked back and forth in his chair, pretending to hear your conversation.
"I must say I'm glad to have you 'round. The quest board in town seems to be worked through much faster now." Marlon takes the post you handed him and the 200 bat wings, he was just about to hand you the payment when the door to the Guild swung open.
The hinges seemed to rattle with the shock of the large man's blow of it. He's huffing, yanking a balaclava up and over his face.
He has thick, pink hair and bright red eyes, he's enormous, having to duck just a bit so as not to hit his head on the door frame.
You looked at him, a bit shocked at his garish entrance. He looks so familiar, but his face is covered in tattoos. A unique style you've never seen before, certainly not in Stardew Valley
Despite being at the counter yourself, the lumbering man strides right up next to you, a crumpled piece of paper in his hand. And just then, you have a thought.
Was he doing town board requests too? He was clearly not from the village, you would have met him by now. But Marlon does not spare him much of a glace, even when a stack of bones and a collection of rings is placed on his counter.
"Those damn haunted skulls are somethin' else." The man looks at Marlon with a gaze of distaste but the Guild leader just laughs. The large man doesn't look at you once.
Despite the chill of fall present in the air, he has sweat glistening on his exposed neck, he runs a hand through his hair and you can't help but notice how handsome this man is. The only thing, who was he? And why was he monster hunting in the Valley's mines?
"You got a problem?" Shocked from your thoughts, you look up. You hadn't meant to stare but upon his antagonized question your eyes bulge a bit.
"No! No, no, sorry..." You turn away, collecting the gold Marlon left out for you, ready to turn and leave when the man behind the counter made a gesture with his hand.
He called your name, "This is Sukuna, likely haven't met em' have ya? He's real reserved and all."
So he lives here? How could that be? "Oh, it's nice to meet you!" You go to shake his hand but he just looks you up and down, effectively dissuading that desire.
"So you're the rookie taking all the board requests in town, hmm?" He looks so domineering, still, even having just met him, you can reasonably assume that's just what his face looks like.
You shuffle where you stand, "Er... maybe so, yes... I'm sorry, I didn't know that was your area..." You wave your hand to the array of loot he had seemingly just acquired. He scoffs.
Marlon looks to you, "Sukuna is our most tenured monster hunter-"
Gil interjects from his rocking chair, "If ever there's a board request this here man can't handle, I know hell's right about frozen over."
The man before them did not crack a smile. A shiver went down your spine.
"I see, well, I live on the farm behind the Cidersap Forest-"
He cuts you off, looking almost annoyed, "I know who you are."
Oh.
Okay...
"Gotcha, sorry, well... it was nice meeting you." Sukuna stares at you for a moment before turning back to the Adventurers Guild leaders.
The awkwardness of the moment was painful, you already know youll be obsessing over this first impression for the next month or so and your shaking leg is telling you it is time to escape the embaressment before this man shuts down any more small talk.
You wonder if perhaps Sukuna is upset with you for "taking his job". Or maybe he had a bad day. If he really had been hunting Haunted Skulls, he had probably been dangerously deep in the mines.
Even though his gaze had been piercing, his frown looked permanent, and his tattoos gave off a highly intimidating look. You could tell there had been no malice behind his demeanor. And that, would be a small comfort as you mulled your way through the darkness.
You spent the whole walk home thinking about the large man. You had been everywhere in Stardew Valley yet had never met him.
He must live out of town, you thought as you checked the weather for tomorrow.
Rain. That meant another day in the mines. You needed an upgrade on your equipment if you were going to continue supplying for your growing crops' demands. That meant plunging deeper into the depths of the mine.
Sleep pulled at you even still, just as your eyes fell shut the memory of the pink-haired man popped back up into your brain.
His shirt stuck nauseatingly to his toned chest, his neck glimmering in the firelight of the guild, and those eyes. The red, sharp eyes he had looked you up and down with.
"I know who you are."
It was a small town. Even if you were from the outskirts. It was a shame though... having not met the man before... he certainly seemed interesting.
You shook the man from your thoughts as your dog climbed into the bed and the two of you began to doze off.
Unknown to you, a long and unexpected day awaited you at dawn.
#jujutsu kaisen#sukuna x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk fluff#jjk x reader#jjk fanfic#jjk angst#jjk#jjk sukuna#ryoumen sukuna#jujutsu kaisen sukuna#ryomen sukuna#sukuna#sukuna x reader angst#sukuna x reader fluff#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x you#sukuna imagine#soft sukuna#sukuna comfort#sukuna jjk#jujutsu sukuna#stardew valley#jujutsu kaisen imagines#stardew valley au#sukuna fluff#sukuna headcanons#sukuna hcs#sukuna ryomen#jjk imagines
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Of Roomates and Revenge
Lewis Hamilton x fake girlfriend!Reader
Featuring Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, and Nico Rosberg
Summary: in which your search for a free place to stay leads to helping one half of Brocedes live out his petty fantasy for revenge ā¦ and falling in love while doing so
Cat and Apartment Sitter Needed (Monaco)
Compensation: ā¬1500/week plus all the Red Bull you can drink
Iām a world-traveling young professional who is rarely home. My two beautiful and rambunctious bengal cats need someone to stay with them in my Monaco apartment whenever Iām away for work.
The ideal candidate will be an experienced cat person who is prepared to deal with a lot of energy, chaos, and shenanigans from these two little terrors. They knock everything off every surface, wrestle at 3am, and will likely attempt to smother you while you sleep. If you can handle that, weāll get along just fine.
In addition to caring for the cats, you will need to keep my place relatively tidy (i.e. no crushed Red Bull cans or fast food wrappers everywhere), collect any packages or mail that arrives, and randomly turn a few lights on and off every evening so the neighbors donāt get suspicious.
The position is ideal for a mature student, digital nomad, or someone between living situations who wants an amazing place to stay for free in one of the worldās hotspots.
Drop me a line if you think you can handle the cats from hell and wouldn't mind living in a 230 mĀ² penthouse apartment with a private terrace, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a badass view of the Mediterranean. Preference goes to non-smokers who follow directions well and wonāt throw ragers when Iām gone.
Send a brief intro, your experience with cats, and a couple photos attached. Urgently need someone for various stretches starting mid-February.
Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.
Live-in Cactus Caretaker Needed (Monaco)
Compensation: ā¬1000/week, free snacks, and you can play my Xbox
Iām a young dude whoās rarely home because of my job that involves a lot of international travel. I have a single cactus plant that I promised my mum I would keep alive until she visits again. The thing is ... I have absolutely no idea how to care for plants. Like, I nearly killed it the first week by forgetting it existed.
What I need is someone responsible who can essentially live in my swanky Monaco apartment whenever Iām gone and keep my tiny cactus friend alive.
Duties would include:
Watering the cactus like ... once a month? Twice a month? I donāt know how often it needs water
Not letting the cactus die in any other way (pretty sure they need sunlight too ā¦ I think)
Keeping the place tidy (Iām a bit of a mess)
In return, youād get:
A sick apartment all to yourself with a stunning view, giant TV, and full kitchen (please for the love of god be careful in there ... I almost burned the place down trying to make a grilled cheese once. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I almost went up in flames over a silly sandwich. If you can't even operate a microwave, we may have problems. Thereās only room for one idiot like that in Monaco ā and itās me)
Unlimited snacks/drinks from my well-stocked pantry
Free rein over my gaming setup (just donāt break anything)
First dibs on any events/reservations I canāt make
The ideal person is responsible, shows they can follow basic instructions for cactus care, laidback since youāll be alone a lot, and trustworthy enough not to wreck the place or throw illegal parties. Having a green thumb would be great, but frankly if you can manage not to kill the one plant, thatās good enough for me.
Send a brief bio about yourself and your qualifications as a cactus/housesitter if interested! Iām gone quite frequently starting in February so could use someone ASAP.
No scammy offers or soliciting, please!
Roommate Needed to Drink Wine and Listen to My Woes (Monaco)
Compensation: Free rent in a nice apartment, plus all the wine you can drink
Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy dry red wines and occasional bouts of tears and venting? If so, Iāve got the perfect living situation for you!
Iām a youngish guy with a high-stress job that involves a lot of traveling. When Iām home in Monaco, I tend to unwind by polishing off a couple bottles of nice Bordeaux or Burgundy while complaining about work, my colleagues, and my rival who is giving me really mixed signals.
What I need is a roommate who doesnāt mind a little drunken blubbering here and there.
Youāll get:
Your own bedroom in my spacious 2BR/2BA apartment in the La Condamine district
Rights to my kitchen, living room with large TV, piano, and music recording equipment
Access to the buildingās pool, sauna, fitness center, and lounge areas
As much wine as you can drink (and more)
In exchange, youāll be expected to:
Listen to my periodic rants and rave sessions without judgement
Preferably nod along or offer supportive-sounding feedback like āYeah, thatās really tough manā or āWow, they sound terribleā
Refill wine glasses as needed
Maybe rub my back or pat my head if Iām really going through it
The ideal candidate is a decent human being who can empathize with the high-pressure struggles of a young professional trying to make it in a cut-throat career.
Youāll need a decent amount of free time and lots of patience. Prior experience as a life coach, therapist, or sympathetic drinking buddy is a plus.
If you can handle crying guys after a few too many glasses of ChĆ¢teauneuf-du-Pape, inquire within! Include a little about yourself and why you would make a good non-judgmental wine friend. Merci!
Expand Your Search? Similar Opportunities:
Impartial Referee Wanted for Parking Lot Brawls (France)
Compensation: ā¬400 per event
Two athletic young men in their late-20s are looking for a level-headed third party to oversee and officiate their semi-regular parking lot boxing matches. Yes, you read that right ā weāre talking straight-up fisticuffs in the back alley behind the Circuit Paul Ricard.
A little background: Weāve been frenemies/rivals since we were kids ā constantly competing in friends, employment opportunities, you name it. Thereās a healthy amount of hatred between us that simply can't be resolved through words alone. Every few months, we feel the need to just take out our pent-up aggression on each other's faces.
Up until now, itās been an unregulated shitshow with no real rules or oversight. Weāre looking for someone impartial who can:
Set some fair ground rules around where/how we can strike
Ensure no prop weapons get involved (last time he tried to scalp me with a wrench)
Officiate and declare a winner once one of us is knocked out or quits
Ideally have some basic first-aid skills in case of a nasty cut or broken nose
We will pay ā¬400 cash at the start of each bout. Youāll get a free show of two extremely fit dudes wailing on each other until thereās a clear victor.
Loser exits with his tail between his legs, winner gets to gloat for the next couple months until we run it back.
If you can be a neutral third party and arenāt squeamish about a little blood, send us your info with some details about yourself and your experience resolving conflicts (legally or not). First come first served ā our next fight is tentatively scheduled for mid-May!
No flakes or perverts, please. Serious connoisseurs of violence only.
P.S. Donāt be scared to give out penalties (one of us is used to that)
Actor or Actress Needed to Annoy Ungrateful Ex-Friend (Monaco)
Compensation: ā¬2700 per week, free luxury accommodations
Iām a successful guy in my late 30s looking to hire someone to pretend to be my significant other for a few months. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain ...
I had a major falling out with a former best friend who stabbed me in the back years ago. We live in the same apartment building, just one floor apart.
Iām trying to show him how amazing my life still is without him ā¦ and maybe make him jealous in the process.
Thatās where you come in. I need you to move into my penthouse temporarily and act as my gorgeous new boyfriend/girlfriend.
Your main duties would include:
Loudly introducing yourself to said ex-friend by knocking on his door and being line āHi, is [insert my name] here?ā Then pretend to be embarrassed and apologize when he tells you that youāre at the wrong apartment
Hang out in the hallway near his place and have very loud fake conversations detailing our imaginary passionate nights together (rated R)
Post cringy coupley photos on your social media of us dressed up going out, cuddling on my yacht, etc
Ideally youāre an aspiring actor/actress or just a really convincing liar. Being somewhat loud and dramatic is a plus. Youāll need to be willing to play along if my petty ex-friend tries to confront us.
In return, youāll be living in a lavish penthouse with all the amenities for free. Youāll have your own private suite and can hang out on the oversized balcony, by the pool, or in the media room when youāre off the clock. Might also be able to introduce you to some high-profile people if youāre trying to network.
Oh, and my bulldog will provide plenty of cuddles.
If you can pull off a remarkably realistic fake partner act and arenāt afraid of a little light deception, hit me up! Please include a couple photos plus a bit about yourself and your acting experience. Aiming to start mid-April.
Iām an equal opportunity employer ā girlfriend, boyfriend, nonbinary partner, you name it. All genders welcome to apply for the role if youāve got what it takes! Only preference is that you have especially luscious hair ā¦ for reasons.
No weirdos please.
Hi,
Okay, I have to admit ā your ridiculous request to hire a fake girlfriend to make your ex-best friend jealous is quite possibly the pettiest thing Iāve ever heard. And I absolutely love it.
Iām literally the perfect person for this role. Petty vengeance is my middle name (well, not really, it's actually Y/M/N ... but you get the idea).
A little about my qualifications:
Took some theatre electives in university so I can really sell the dramatics
Lots of experience putting on an Oscar-worthy performance faking ... well, you know ... thanks to my douchebag ex-boyfriend who couldnāt be bothered to learn how to pleasure a woman š
Not afraid to get LOUD and will happily reenact our āpassionate nightsā at earsplitting volumes in that hallway
Can pull off playing dumb if your friend tries to interrogate me about you (āOh [whatever your name is]? Yeah heās just the best at ... stuffā)
No shame in my pettiness game ā I once spent my weekly paycheck on a Cameo just so an exās favorite celebrity would call him a dingleberry
In terms of looks, Iāve been told I have just the right amount of āhotā to make your poor pal jealous without it being too unbelievable. Iām attaching a few photos for reference.
Let me know if you want to meet up for a glass of wine and we can workshop some juicy storylines for our imaginary romance. Perhaps I was a former fling you rediscovered? A hot younger thing giving you a new lease on life? The possibilities are endless!
Iām a pro at faking it, so selling our relationship will be a piece of cake. Your ex-friend will be bright green with envy by the time Iām through!
Letās make him regret the day he double-crossed you, babe.
Cheers,
Y/N
r/offmychest
u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 16h
My ex-best friendās new girlfriend is the WORST!
I really need to get this off my chest. My upstairs neighborās new girlfriend is, without a doubt, the most insufferable human being on the planet. Sheās loud, obnoxious, and seems to take immense pleasure in tormenting me for some reason.
A little background: I used to be really close friends with my neighbor. We had a big falling out a while back over ... well, itās a long story. We donāt talk anymore and thereās a lot of resentment between us. Clearly the universe is trying to get back at me now with this new girl.
This chick has made it her personal mission to give me a play-by-play account of every single intimate encounter she has with him. And I mean DETAILED accounts. The other day I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee and I hear her incredibly shrill voice from right outside my door:
āOh he was an ANIMAL last night! The things he did with his tongue, I thought I was going to pass out!ā
Like, seriously? Keep it to yourself, weirdo! Thatās just the tame stuff too. Sometimes sheāll go into pretty graphic detail describing body parts and positions that I really didnāt need a mental picture of.
Hereās the thing ā she quite obviously positions herself to be as close as possible to my apartment without actually trespassing ā I mean, she doesnāt even live on my floor for godās sake! So every word comes through crystal clear. Iāve confronted her about it a few times and she just plays dumb, like:
āOh gosh, Iām so sorry if I was being loud! We just get so carried away sometimes, you know how it is,ā with this stupid ditzy valley girl voice and hair toss.
I donāt know if my former best friend put her up to this or if sheās just a massive troll in her own right. But itās like psychological warfare at this point. Literally ANY time Iām home, I have to listen to her yap about their Sex Olympian-level escapades.
My wife even heard them once and thought I was playing porn at an insane volume! She doesnāt believe me that itās just this deranged lady running her mouth constantly.
Iām half-tempted to start recording her rants and blast them back at full volume to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or maybe start describing lurid details of my own (admittedly not quite so colorful) sex life in retaliation.
I donāt know, maybe Iām being oversensitive. But living under these two insufferable assholes is a waking nightmare. I need to move or something because this is massively affecting my peace of mind. Who knows if they will ever get bored of tormenting me and move on.
Rant over. Thanks for letting me vent about the neighbors from hell.
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u/chronicgossiper Ā· 12h
Damn, that sucks man. Your neighbor and his gf sound like immature assholes trying to get a rise out of you. Iād look into noise complaint options or even see if you can get them evicted for harassment.
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Reply to u/chronicgossiper Ā· 11h
Seriously? You really think the landlord would evict someone over this? Itās not like theyāre blasting music at 3am. Sounds more like passive aggressive pettiness than anything illegal.
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u/chronicgossiper Ā· 10h
Idk, having to listen to people loudly describe their sex acts against your will seems like it could qualify as harassment or creating a hostile environment. Worth exploring at least if they wonāt stop.
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u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 9h
Eviction isnāt really an option here since we all own our apartments and thereās no landlord dictating that. Itās not that type of building.
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u/nosyandproud Ā· 8h
Did your former friend move into that building first or did you move in knowing he lived there?
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u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 7h
He was there first, I bought my place a few years after him when I could afford it. Never expected he'd pull something this childish.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 6h
So you willingly moved into the same building as your ex-best friend that you arenāt on speaking terms with? Thatās just asking for drama, dude.
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u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 5h
Itās a great building in an amazing location. I wasnāt going to not pursue the opportunity just because he lives there too. Itās a big place, I didnāt think weād be running into each other much.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 4h
Still seems like a weird decision to willingly insert yourself into his orbit like that if the relationship was so fractured. Probably shouldāve seen some fallout coming.
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u/nosyandproud Ā· 3h
Yeah exactly, why would you move somwhere your ex-friend lives if you two clash that much? Kinda put yourself in this situation.
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u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 2h
Okay, let me be clear ā he and I were best friends for over a decade before we had a colossal falling out a few years ago. Weāre not just some casual ex-buddies who donāt get along. We were legitimately very close for most of our lives until things went nuclear between us. When I decided to move into the building, our friendship had been over for a while already. I really didnāt anticipate heād take things to this vindictive level years later. Iām not going to miss out on my dream home just because of what happened between us.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 1h
This is getting juicyyy, do tell about what caused the falling out!
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u/NotBritneySpears
Not really trying to dredge up old drama, thatās a whole other can of worms. The girlfriend situation is annoying enough as is.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 51m
Fair enough, you gave context. Still think you two need to have an adult conversation about boundaries. Purposely trying to loudly narrate their sex life at you is unhinged.
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r/relationships
u/yourusername Ā· 19h
Iām catching real feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend to get revenge on his ex-friend ... help?
Buckle up folks, because Iāve got one hell of a tangled situation to unpack here. This is going to be a long one.
About a month ago, I responded to this Facebook Marketplace ad from a guy (letās call him L) looking to hire someone to pretend to be his new girlfriend. The goal was to make his former best friend/downstairs neighbor jealous after a brutal falling out between them.
I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But the benefits were good and Iād be living in his insane luxury penthouse in Monaco rent-free. More importantly, I really vibed with Lās pettiness and desire to get deliciously pathetic revenge on his ex-friend. My last boyfriend was the actual worst, so I was absolutely here for any slightly insane Karen antics.
Anyway, we hit it off immediately at the āauditionā over drinks. L is brilliant, successful, gorgeous, and fucking hilarious in a sarcastic, unfiltered way. We both have a wicked mean streak and frankly get off on emotionally messy situations. It was like looking into a mirror ā two beautiful trainwrecks finding each other in the wreckage.
From night one, we had crazy chemistry. The back-and-forth banter was electric, we finished each otherās sentences, etc. I felt so comfortable around him despite the bizarre circumstances. I assumed it was all fun and games to toy with his former best friend.
But over the last few weeks of loudly chronicling our āsex marathonsā!outside said ex-friendās door and doing phony coupley things around the city, Iāve realized my feelings are ... complicated. L and I CONNECT on a deeper level, in addition to just being partners in crime. Weāll be tangled up watching movies and heāll make some perfectly timed quippy comment that has me cackling until my abs hurt. Or weāll get deliriously wasted and end up baring our souls about our upbringings, dreams, fears ā everything.
Iāve never been so open or comfortable around someone before. Our walls are gone. And the most messed up part? Some small, perverse part of me loves the strange intimacy weāve manufactured through this farce. How much closer can you get than meticulously co-creating a fictional relationship?
In the beginning, I think we were both just in it for the laughs and pettiness factor. But something shifted for me recently. One night we were drunkenly rehearsing how I was going to describe our latest imaginary tryst to his ex-friend and ... I donāt know, I couldnāt stop staring at his lips while he was talking. His face was so close to mine and I felt breathless. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ditch the script and really kiss him. I had to physically stop myself from lunging forward.
Later, when I went back to my room, I was hit with a crushing wave of realization ā I have actual romantic FEELINGS for this basketcase who hired me to play-act as his girlfriend! What the actual fuck?
Guys, Iām in too deep. How did I let this happen? L is technically still my employer and this whole operation has an expiration date. His former friend is already growing visibly annoyed, so Phase 2 (feign a dramatic breakup, I move out, L moves on with his life) is likely coming up very soon.
Do I just bury my feelings and end this gig without saying anything? Do I risk the humiliation of confessing my heart to someone who was only pretending to want me around? Or should I just go for it and make out with him next time weāre tangled on the couch? Iām spiraling here!
The pettiness that brought us together may also tear us apart. Or maybe Iām just a sad clown who read too much into a fake relationship. Someone slap me with a reality check, please! I need perspective from the outside.
Tl;DR - Developed legit romantic feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend as part of his weird revenge plot. Not sure if I should come clean, keep it professional, or start actually making out with him for real. This was NOT part of the deal!
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u/judgingloudly Ā· 18h
Oh honey, you are in a MESS. This is like a bad romcom plot but IRL. I think your only real option is to fess up and tell L how youāre feeling. Contrary to popular belief, the fake dating trope doesnāt always have to stay pretend!
If he doesnāt feel the same way, at least you put it all out there and can move on with some dignity intact. But who knows ā from how you describe the crazy chemistry and connection, he might feel relieved you said something first! Donāt let this fire burn out without taking your shot. Oh and definitely keep us updated, Iām invested now!
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Reply to u/judgingloudly Ā· 17h
I agree with this take. You already acknowledged youāre in too deep emotionally. Might as well put those cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. Shooting your shot is always better than letting the āwhat ifā eat away at you forever!
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u/livefordrama Ā· 16h
Iām sorry but I simply must ask ā how did you land a gig like this? And does he happen to have any more openings for a fake girlfriend? Asking for a friend ā¦
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u/yourusername Ā· 15h
Honestly it was a random Facebook ad looking for exactly this ā a girl to move in and fake date this guy to drive his feuding neighbor up the wall. I applied semi-joking but he picked me!
As for openings, not that I know of ... yet. I may have to quit soon depending how this all plays out, so will keep you posted if my spot opens up!
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Reply to u/yourusername Ā· 14h
Omg please do! I would 100% take on a role like this, it sounds like a total riot.
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u/unpaidtherapist Ā· 13h
Girl, I think you already know what you have to do here. Is keeping things professional and never admitting your feelings really an option at this point? Youāre clearly enamored with this guy and he seems to reciprocate the intensity at least platonically so far. I say GO FOR IT!
Just pull him aside one day, say āhey this isnāt just an act for me anymore, I really like you and need to know if thereās a possibility for us or not.ā If heās as caught off guard and freaked out as youāre implying, a direct conversation is needed to get those cards on the table. Donāt die wondering āwhat if?ā Thatās my advice.
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u/everydayopportunist Ā· 12h
This is so wild, Iām living for this drama! Seriously might need to pursue some similar gigs myself, apparently thatās where all the romance happens these days š
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u/devilsadvocate Ā· 11h
Iām sorry but I have to go against the grain here ā please do NOT make a move or confess any feelings! This guy hired you for a very specific job under very specific pretenses. Catching real feels was not part of the deal at all. Selfishly throwing that at him out of the blue would be so unfair after he opened his home to you. I worry he could feel betrayed and violated even if he did secretly like you back.
My advice? Give it a few weeks, see if these feelings persist or if it was just a passing crush brought on by the intimacy youāve found yourselves in. If itās still intense after cooling off, then maybe consider looping him in. But donāt go nuclear until you're absolutely sure. You could risk imploding a good work situation and friendship over a temporary infatuation. Tread very lightly!
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Reply to u/devilsadvocate Ā· 10h
Iām with this take, OP shouldnāt jeopardize her living situation if her feelings might be fleeting. Taking a step back and giving it more time could provide clarity. Itās easy to get caught up in the fantasy.
The more prudent move is to wait until the ājobā wraps up before considering opening that can of worms. If feelings persist minus the contrived closeness, sheāll know it's real. But springing it on the guy now seems wildly unfair and could blow up in her face.
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r/AmITheAsshole
u/veganGOAT Ā· 15h
AITA for turning down my fake girlfriend after she admitted feelings, only to want her back days later?
I think I may have tremendously fucked up in a spectacularly messy way. Let me walk you through the tangled web Iāve woven ...
A couple months ago, I (39M) hired this woman to essentially move into my apartment and pretend to be my new girlfriend. I know it sounds batshit crazy ā¦ but I was trying to make my ex-best friend/neighbor jealous after a bitter falling out between us.
She was the perfect partner for this ruse ā sarcastic and spunky, with a hint of unhinged energy. We bonded instantly over bottles of wine and throwing deliciously overblown āloud sexā performances in the hallway to drive my ex-friend nuts. What was meant to be a transaction quickly bloomed into a legitimately fun, effortless friendship.
Soon after, we started having real sex. It sort of just ā¦ happened, albeit very awkwardly at first. Like āwell this is weird, want to try it for real just to see?ā And what do you know, we had insane chemistry between the sheets too! We were soon sleeping together nearly every night, always swearing afterwards that it was ājust for funā and didnāt mean anything more.
But I started catching feelings. She was hilarious, confident, beautiful ā everything I could ever want in a partner. We had connected on a deeper level through the medium of batshit pettiness. And our physical intimacy only amplified that bond.
Cut to a couple weeks ago. We had just finished a particularly athletic round and were cuddled up, spent. Out of nowhere, she pipes up nervously: āHey ā¦ I think Iām really falling for you. I don't want this to just be sex or games anymore. I want to really try being together.ā
I froze. The words I had been longing to hear suddenly terrified me in that moment. My throat clenched up as a wave of panic crashed over me (yes, Iām well aware of how stupid this was in hindsight). After an agonizing pause, I managed to choke out: āIām sorry, but I canāt do that. This thing between us was only ever supposed to be fake. I donāt think of you that way.ā
I could actually see her face crumble. She quickly mumbled āokayā and slid out of my bed, wrapping a sheet around herself to cover her dejection. I swear I heard muffled sobs through the wall once she was back in her guest room. I felt like a piece of shit.
The next few days were some of the most awkward, brutal tension Iāve ever experienced. She was now acting like a scorned woman just doing her job, no intimacy whatsoever. We could barely make eye contact.
It took seeing her so closed off, so cold, for me to realize how much I desperately missed her warmth, humor, friendship. How much I longed for the easy intimacy we once had, both emotional and physical. I tried a few times to apologize or explain myself, but she brushed me off ā utterly walled off to protect herself.
After days of wrestling with my suppressed feelings, I realized that I was in love with this wonderful woman. Hiring her as a fake girlfriend was one of the best things I had ever done because it brought her into my life ā¦ and now I didnāt want to let her go. She was becoming my person, even if she had started out as a farce.
But hereās where I really need some impartial perspective ā AITA for freezing up and rejecting her confession?
I didnāt meant to tank her feelings so callously. I think I just ... panicked in that moment. The idea of committing to a real relationship terrified me in ways I didnāt expect. My career keeps me constantly on the go, always jet-setting to the next thing. Could I really give a romance the time and energy it deserves right now?
Part of me also felt massively conflicted about the circumstances. Iām literally paying her to pretend to be my girlfriend as a sort of ongoing petty revenge. If I admitted I wanted to actually date her, wouldn't that blur consent lines in some messed up way? Like, is she just going along with it because sheās on the payroll?
I know these both sound like flimsy excuses, but they were very real fears racing through my mind in that moment. Fears that made me impulsively reject her, despite how utterly gone I was.
Now, days later, those same hangups donāt seem so insurmountable. Maybe she and I could make something work, travel schedules and all. And if she reciprocated feelings, it would be a starting point ā not her just placating me for a check. We could rip up the old arrangement and start fresh.
But I havenāt confessed any of this to her yet out of gut-wrenching cowardice. Sheās still giving me this cold, professional shoulder. I donāt know how to begin recanting my idiotic reaction and opening up about the REAL reasons I panicked ā the commitment fears, the moral dilemma, all of it.
Part of me wonders if I even have the right to try and pursue things with her at this point? I absolutely shattered her feelings for my own hangups just days ago. AITA for potentially stringing her along further by trying to retroactively take it all back? Maybe Iāve missed my window and should just let this phase of my life be over before it gets even more painful and messy?
Ugh, Iām rambling now. The crux is ā AITA for how I recklessly rejected her in that moment? Do I even have a right to try and make amends after that thunderous fumble? Or should I just take the L, chalk it up to collateral damage of being in the worldās most messy pseudo-relationship, and move on?
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u/juryofone Ā· 14h
YTA, but only because you handled the initial rejection in the worst way possible. Your reasons for hesitating are somewhat understandable. But you really dropped the ball in communicating that to her in the moment.
Instead of calmly explaining where your headspace was at, you just blurted out a kneejerk rejection that crushed her feelings. No wonder she went ice cold ā that had to sting like hell! If you had taken a breath and talked it through with more nuance, maybe you couldāve reached an understanding.
The good news is, youāve now realized how much you DO want this woman in your life as more than a pretend romance. I donāt think youāre an AH for having those feelings or wanting to pursue her again, provided you make a sincere, thoughtful effort to apologize for your tactless approach before.
My advice? Explain the real reasons you froze up, how torn you felt over everything, and make it clear you still have feelings. But lead with a heartfelt apology for how horribly you botched it at first. If sheās willing to give you one more chance after that, DO NOT blow it.
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Reply to u/juryofone Ā· 13h
I agree with this take. Heās not an AH for the situation, but majorly the AH for the WAY he handled rejecting her. That had to sting badly after putting herself out there. The mature thing is to own up to that and properly communicate where his head was at.
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Reply to u/juryofone Ā· 12h
Yeah, going straight for āI canāt do that, I donāt think of you that wayā after she bared her soul was so harsh and unnecessary. He could have let her down wayyyy more gently if he was that conflicted about it all. She mustāve felt like a fool!
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u/neutralpartier Ā· 11h
NAH ā I get that you panicked in the heat of the moment and why this whole situation is heavy with ethical quandaries. The reality is, you two started off pretending but real feelings developed, and thatās okay! It happens. The moral issue only remains if you knowingly took advantage of or manipulated her feelings while she was on your payroll. Since you seem just as confused as she was, I donāt think any lines were really crossed.
The way forward is to rip off the bandaid once and for all. If you have mutual feelings now, figure out if you want to date as equals. If not, itās time to part ways amicably while you both still can. But donāt keep paying her while catching feels ā THAT would make you an AH.
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u/glasshalfempty Ā· 10h
ESH ... look, you suck for how you handled rejecting her confession. That was really hurtful and avoidant no matter your internal struggles. She sucks for going into this thinking it was all pretend, catching real feelings, and expecting you to want to be serious too. You PAID her to be your fake GF and made that clear.
My suggestion is to have an honest discussion about whether you can BOTH separate the transactions from reality. If youāre both all-in on trying for real, great! But one of you is going to get burned if expectations donāt align. And please, for the love of god, stop paying her!
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Reply to u/glasshalfempty Ā· 9h
This is exactly what I was thinking too! Way too messy ethically to keep paying her as the lines blur between fantasy job and real romance. Either take the plunge and date properly or go separate ways for good.
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Reply to u/glasshalfempty Ā· 8h
Agree but like ... is this even real? How does someone end up hiring a fake girlfriend to make their former best friend jealous? That alone sounds like a bad romcom plot.
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u/criticaloverthinker Ā· 7h
Iām calling cap on this whole wild story. Childhood besties turned feuding enemies living in the same building? A fake girlfriend who moves in as part of an elaborate revenge plan? Itās all too unbelievable.
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u/struggling-with-reddit Ā· 6h
Iāll play along and rate, but no way is this post legit lol. Having a fake girlfriend you eventually catch feelings for while pranking your neighbor? Whatās next, one of you is actually royalty or a secret millionaire? Too much happening here.
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Reply to u/struggling-with-reddit Ā· 5h
Hahaha I know right, the excessive details and backstory gave it away as creative writing practice or something. No judgment from me, it was an entertaining read at least!
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u/struggling-with-reddit Ā· 4h
Next thing you know, OP will be claiming heās Michael Schumacher or something š
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r/AmITheAsshole
u/veganGOAT Ā· 8h
UPDATE ā Iām the idiot who rejected then realized I loved my fake girlfriend ā¦ and she took me back!
When I made my initial post a bit over a month ago about this whole fake girlfriend situation, most of you understandably called it outrageously far-fetched.
Which, fair. How does someone actually end up hiring a woman to fake date them just to make their neighbor jealous? It does sound ripped straight from a Nicholas Sparks fever dream.
Well put on your straight jackets, because this ridiculous saga is 100% real. And Iāve got an update thatās even crazier than the original tale ...
After reading the feedback on my initial post (and getting a whole lot of shit from some friends too), it became crystal clear that I had to make things right. I put her through the emotional wringer by callously rejecting her in the moment, when her feelings were just as tangled up as mine were. I owed her a sincere apology and a proper explanation of why I froze ā with no more deflections or excuses.
So I wrote her a long letter. I laid it all out there. How torn I felt about the ethical and emotional complexities of our arrangement. How her vulnerability awoke my own fears about commitment, my transient lifestyle, and whether I could realistically be the partner she deserved. Mostly, I repeatedly owned up to being a thoughtless prick who shattered her trust out of pure pathetic self-preservation.
But above all, I made one thing clear ā despite my bumbling, I had fallen for her too. Completely and utterly. She had cracked through my defenses and healing her hurt became the only thing that mattered.
I ended the letter by owning up to the fact that she now held all the power. While she had moved into this arrangement under certain pretenses, I had violated that implied contract. The ball was entirely in her court now. I would abide by whatever decision she landed on ā friendship, an amicable parting of ways, or taking the terrifying gamble of trying to make this the real deal.
When she emerged from her room the next morning, I could barely look at her. I was a sweaty, nauseated wreck, steeling myself for the worst. She sat down next to me in silence and unleashed the longest, most blistering dressing down of my life. How I had made her feel so small, so foolish, so painfully vulnerable. Words like ācowardā and āassholeā were thrown around. But you know what phrase stung most?
āI wish you had told me all of this up front instead of dealing with it like a child. I couldāve understood where you were coming from.ā
It was a dagger ā she was absolutely right. My dumb automatic rejection utterly betrayed the openness and intimacy we had built. Still, she didnāt dismiss me entirely. She would need some time to think, but asked that I stand by for an answer.
The limbo period was ā¦ not fun.
After four excruciating days, she came to me again. This time, she was almost shy, like her old self. She told me she had thought it over extensively, and ultimately my explanation and full-hearted apology won her over. I may be an idiot, an asshole, and a bit of a mess (her words), but I was an honest idiot with a good heart under all the bravado. And thatās what had drawn her to me in the first place.
So with the understanding that we would both need to work on our communication skills and respective hang-ups, she was in. We would press the reset button altogether, end our old arrangement, and try to make this relationship happen for real ā messy origins be damned.
That was exactly a month ago today, and things have never been better. Sure, we still lean into some harmless (and vaguely unhinged) pettiness with my former friend from time to time. Some habits are too fun to quit cold turkey. But ultimately, Iāve never been so grateful for the insane set of circumstances that brought this amazing woman into my life. We may have started as an acting exercise, but we took a leap together into something beautifully real.
And yeah, I still have to hear shit from literally everyone about how our romance origin story is the most unbelievable meet-cute of all time. But Iāve learned to lean into the absurdity. After all, whatās life without a little chaos and a perfect partner to share in the pandemonium?
Thanks to everyone who offered candid advice on my original post. You may have received an update sooner if not for all the people accusing me of faking it! All I can say is ā¦ this is my blissfully ridiculous reality now.
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u/juryofone Ā· 7h
Well hot damn, I have to hand it to you ā this saga is even wilder than the original post let on! I went from being totally skeptical of the whole outrageous situation to being fully invested in this insane romance. Love that she put you through the wringer a bit before taking you back. You absolutely deserved that and more after treating her like you did.
But huge props to you for manning up with that apology and giving her the power to make the next move. That vulnerability and respect for her feelings despite your own doubts is what true partnership is all about. I have a feeling you two chaotic bastards are going to be just fine as a real couple now that all the crazy pretenses have been stripped away. Wishing you both nothing but more pandemonium and pettiness together!
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u/neutralpartier Ā· 7h
Iām officially obsessed with this love story. You went from hiring a woman off to punk your neighbor, to breaking her heart over catching feelings, to doing the MOST to grovel your way back into her good graces, to ACTUALLY SUCCEEDING. Itās romcom gold! I need this to get optioned for a movie immediately.
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u/glasshalffull Ā· 6h
As wild as this story has been from start to finish, this update has me straight up emotional! The groveling, the way you explained your fears, her roasting you for days before mercifully taking you back ā¦ my heart. Love that she cut straight through the bullshit by calling you an idiot AND acknowledging your good heart. Thatās the ideal balance.
Iām so invested in this nonsense and need regular updates on how things progress from here. You better not blow it after all this chaos or Iāll be leading the charge to vandalize your apartment!
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u/romanticempath Ā· 5h
What a journey! To go from manufacturing a fake relationship purely for petty vengeance, to developing REAL emotional stakes, to breaking each other's hearts quite viscerally, to finding your way back together through sheer vulnerability? Incredible stuff.
I laughed, cried (a little, donāt judge), and cringed throughout this entire saga. Thank you for bringing us all along for the insane roller coaster. I wish nothing but ridiculous happiness for you and her moving forward!
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u/fairytaledreamer Ā· 4h
Iām sorry but I still canāt get over the fact that this is somehow a real series of events? Youāre a madman and this is truly unhinged (but also incredible). How did ALL of this unfold before your 40s?
Romcoms have been put to bed. Welcome to 2024, where people actually hire fake GFs to get revenge on their scorned former friends, develop legit attachment issues, torpedo everything in a panic, grovel for redemption fit for cinematic history, and somehow STILL end up together in some sort of demented happily ever after!
All I can say is cherish the chaos you've manifested. I canāt wait to see what bonkers plotlines await the two you. Start recording everything for the biopic!
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Reply to u/fairytaledreamer Ā· 3h
āCherish the chaosā is absolutely the perfect sign off for this update. Iām deceased at this whole wild drama, but also soooo invested! Cannot wait for the inevitable Netflix mini series. Thanks for the laughs, drama, and emotional whiplash!
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r/offmychest
u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 21h
My ex-bestieās wedding to his obnoxious girlfriend was a nightmare ā¦ and so was their wedding night (unfortunately)
Youāll have to bear with me on this one, because Iām still reeling a bit from one of the most cringey, uncomfortable, and downright baffling weekends of my entire life. I need to get this off my chest before I have a full mental breakdown.
A couple years ago, I made a post venting about my former best friendās new girlfriend at the time. For those who missed the saga, she was an insufferably loud woman who seemed to take immense pleasure in loudly narrating her sex life with my former friend right outside my apartment door. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple.
Well, Iām sure you can all see where this is going based on the title. Against all odds and reason, this woman and my ex-friend somehow stuck it out ā¦ until he put a ring on it last year. Which leads me to the first in a cascading series of mind-numbing events ā receiving a wedding invitation from the happy couple!
Now, letās be clear ā I have not spoken to my former best friend in almost a decade at this point. Not since our cataclysmic falling out (a story for another day). We were thick as thieves until our bond was shattered beyond repair. For him to invite me to his wedding with the woman who crudely mocked their intimacy for my benefit was ā¦ certainly a choice.
On one hand, why on EARTH would you invite the person whose heart you deliberately stomped on so many years ago? It felt like a cruel joke, rubbing salt in an open wound that never fully healed. A reminder of their domestic bliss and my bitter ostracism.
Yet on the other hand, maybe there was a subconscious part of me that would have felt insulted if he didnāt invite me after so many shared years? As if he had utterly erased me from his life without a second thought? The thought gut punched me too in an admittedly unhealthy way.
Long story short, I RSVPād yes ā¦ half out of morbid curiosity and half out of a deeply unwell desire to not get excluded from such a significant life event. In hindsight, a foolish decision that kicked off a horrifically uncomfortable series of events.
The wedding itself was ā¦ a lot. An over-the-top spectacle at an insanely expensive venue. My miserable self stuck out like a sore thumb surrounded by all the adoring coupleās friends and family. I sat through mushy vows reaffirming their āunlikely originā in the āmost unexpected yet fortuitous wayā ā¦ while trying not to puke.
So yeah, sheer cringe start to finish. Little did I know the worst discomfort was yet to come!
In perhaps the most on-brand grand gesture of the entire weekend, the groom rented out an entire boutique hotel for all out-of-town guests to stay at after the reception. That way we could all keep the party going nearby before he whisked his new bride off to parts unknown on their honeymoon the next day.
Ever the gracious host with a penchant for the spectacle, he let wedding guests draw for their room assignments out of an actual top hat. I somehow managed to get seated right next to his parents who, while cordial enough, knew me as the ex-best friend responsible for so much fractured history.
But wait, thereās more! Wouldnāt you know, the universe is supremely messed up because I ended up with the room directly underneath the newlywed suite. Yes ā¦ I spent their wedding night listening to a live-streamed porn broadcast courtesy of the paper-thin walls and floors.
Dolphin sounds didnāt even BEGIN to cover the unholy noises raining down from above around 2am. Iām talking full-on screams of unbridled passion echoing off the walls at maximum volume. Mind you, this woman had become infamous for over-enunciating their coitus for my benefit previously. Now it was a frighteningly real-life rendition that no noise-cancelling headphones could drown out.
I finally had to flee my room to the lobby. I ended up crashing on one of the lobby couches until an employee politely asked me to leave around 6am. Disheveled, disoriented, and officially diagnosed with PTSD from the sounds I cannot unhear.
So yeah ā¦ not exactly a therapeutic reunion that could have allowed my ex-friend and I to bury the hatchet. If anything, this wedding was one massive āscrew youā that opened up all the same unresolved wounds. I need about 20 years of intensive therapy to move on.
I also need to find a new place to live because I canāt bear returning to that cursed apartment building.
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u/chronicgossiper Ā· 18h
Dude, I think you need to get some serious perspective here. Your ex-friend getting married and going on a honeymoon has absolutely zero to do with you. That level of self-centeredness is off the charts.
Why in the world would this guy plan an entire wedding ā one of the biggest days of his life ā around secretly tormenting you again over ancient history? That makes no sense. He invited you as a polite gesture after years apart, probably hoping to start burying the hatchet. The room assignments were random by your own admission.
As for the ā¦ ānoisesā ā¦ look, they were on their wedding night. Maybe overenthusiastic, but 100% to be expected between newlyweds. Itās not some psychological ploy, just poor planning on their part for thin walls. Youāre projecting like crazy if you think that was directed at you specifically.
At a certain point, you have to realize the universe doesnāt actually revolve around your grudges or history with this person. Theyāve clearly moved on to live their best life. Itās on you to stop obsessing over them and do the same.
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Reply to u/chronicgossiper Ā· 16h
I agree, this is just pure paranoia from OP. No newly wedded couple is sitting around thinking āhow can we sneakily stick it to your ex-best friend during our wedding festivities?ā Thatās deranged thinking.
They invited you to be polite, you drew an unlucky room assignment near their suite, and then biology happened on their wedding night. Hilarious and awkward coincidence? Yes. Intricately designed fuck you from the bride and groom? Come on now, thatās giving them way too much credit.
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u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 13h
Maybe you all have a point, and I am still holding onto way too much resentment and baggage from our falling out. My intention wasnāt to imply they orchestrated an elaborate sting operation around their wedding. More just a general sense that the universe has a funny way of reminding me about them at highly inconvenient times over the years.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears Ā· 12h
Even that line of thinking is incredibly self-centered though. Why would random coincidences or them just ā¦ living their lives be the āuniverseās way of reminding youā about your failed friendship? That makes it sound like they should perpetually be walking on eggshells and avoiding certain life events just because you canāt get over the past.
Look, it sucks that things fell apart so badly between you two. But they have clearly moved on, as you should too. This obsessive framing of their marriage as some universal affront to you is ā¦ not healthy, my dude.
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u/nosyandproud Ā· 10h
The wedding itself sounds like it was in poor taste for sure, so I can certainly understand feeling aggravated and triggered being there as the scorned former friend.
That said ā¦ youāre borrowing A LOT of trouble by assuming any of their private wedding night activities were purposely being broadcast to you specifically. Projection level 1000 there.
At the end of the day, these people have built a whole entire life and future together now that quite literally has nothing to do with you anymore. You looking for āsignsā that theyāre still fixated on you is just self-involvement. For your own mental health, you have to let go of whatever happened and see them as background characters in the story of your life now.
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u/realitychecker Ā· 7h
OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the sheer logistics involved in purposely torturing you at their wedding are just not plausible. Do you really think they were like:
āAlright honey, for our wedding night I was thinking we should make sure your former friend gets the room directly below ours! That way when we really get after it, heāll be able to hear every excruciating moan and body smacking sound in haunting detail! Thatāll show him for being your friend a decade ago! Mwahaha!ā
Come on, mate. Thatās delusional cartoon villain level scheming youāre attributing to them. Occam's Razor ā they just wanted to consummate their marriage in privacy and didnāt account for the thin hotel walls. The world doesnāt actually revolve around your history with this!
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Reply to u/realitychecker Ā· 5h
Lmaooo the idea of them sitting around strategizing the most psychological warfare possible on their wedding night is killing me. āYes honey, we simply MUST reenact scenes from our noisiest adult films for your ex-best friendās terrible pleasure!ā
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u/buildingbridges
OP, it seems like you really miss having your friend in your life if Iām reading between the lines here. Getting invested to this level over random coincidences at his wedding doesnāt come from a place of hatred, but hurt and longing for that bond again.
My advice? Use this weekend as a wake-up call to stop obsessing, reflect on whatever caused your rift, and decide if you want to properly reconnect. If not, you need to rip that band-aid off for good and stop torturing yourself over what will never be again. Or the walls between you two will just get thinner and thinner ...
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r/ask
u/amateurdetective Ā· 15h
I think these juicy Reddit posts actually interconnect ā¦ but I need your help cracking the code
I think Iāve stumbled onto something wild here and I need the Reddit hive mind to help me piece this tangled web together. Are you ready for some batshit conspiracy-level connecting of barely-there dots? Too bad, Iām going in anyway.
So, over the past few years, I kept seeing these extremely juicy, dramatically-written posts pop up every few months that seemed ā¦ oddly interconnected despite being in different subreddits.
Hear me out:
First there was the unhinged post in r/offmychest from a guy ranting about his former best friendās obnoxious new girlfriend. Dude was griping about how this woman would loudly recount the smutty details of her sex life with the ex-friend whenever she was in his general vicinity, seemingly just to mess with the OP. Weāre talking legitimately disturbing stuff about feeling āpsychologically torturedā by her oversharing.
Fast forward a few months and I stumble across a wild post in r/relationships from the perspective of this same āobnoxiousā girlfriend! Except her story painted a whole different, unhinged picture ā she was hired on FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE by the former friend to literally move in and fake date him as part of an ongoing revenge plot against the OP from the first post. She rapidly develops legitimate feelings for the guy and it becomes a messy will-they-wonāt-they romcom situation.
But THEN there was a follow-up post from the fake boyfriendās side in r/AmITheAsshole about him realizing he caught feelings too before nearly blowing it, followed by another saga-capping update about them deciding to pursue a real relationship against all odds and absurdity.
Are you seeing the parallels here? These three posters each gave one side of an absolute dumpster fire of a convoluted love triangle situation that seemingly intersected. And based on the intricate backstories, my crackpot theory is they all emanated from the same formerly tight friend group that experienced a bitter falling out.
The insane attention to detail, literary flair, and geometry of it all almost had me utterly convinced these were all fictionalized creative writing exercises posted separately across Reddit ā¦ but building on the same unhinged storylines each step of the way.
Iām utterly obsessed with mapping this all out into one cohesive narrative now. My working theory is something like this:
Some guy hired an actress to pose as his fake GF and torment his former friend as revenge for some past betrayal
The two fake partners rapidly caught real feelings amid the ruse, he panics and nearly torpedoes it
Meanwhile, the ex-best friend is losing his mind overhearing the fake girlfriendās loud performances and comes to Reddit for advice, not realizing itās all a ploy
After a saga of miscommunication, the fake boyfriend comes clean and the couple decide to actually date for real
Capping things off, the former friend is forced to attend their wedding where heās subjected to one final night of unholy noises
Does it all track? Or have I completely unraveled the conspiracy and stumbled onto a drastically personal set of circumstances being workshopped on Reddit? If so, thatās some ludicrously elaborate storytelling!
I need to know if Iām onto something here or completely off my rocker. If the former, Iāll burn every last calorie mapping out a master record of events across all the posts. If the latter ā¦ someone needs to drop their juicy fanfic writing prompts because these were WILDLY entertaining reads.
Help me connect these dots or point me towards any other potentially linked tales! This has been a public service aneurysm brought to you by pure boredom.
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u/scepeticbynature Ā· 14h
Wow, youāve gone full Sherlock Holmes with this. Iām dying at how insanely detailed your working theory is in tying together these random Reddit posts into one cohesive narrative. This is either a brilliant piece of performance art ā¦ or you need your meds adjusted, my friend.
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Reply to u/scepticbynature Ā· 12h
Hahaha exactly! The amount of time and brain power OP has devoted to mapping this out is beyond obsessive. I donāt know whether to applaud the commitment to the bit or get them professional help.
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u/amateurdetective Ā· 10h
Iām sorry, did you actually read through the posts in question? The intersecting pieces of random, elaborate backstory between all three distinct voices is way too specific and layered for it to be an accidental alignment. There are unambiguous throughlines about:
A pair of feuding former childhood best friends
One hiring a woman off Facebook to pose as his fake GF and torment the other as revenge
Said fake relationship descending into a very real emotional entanglement for both parties
The eventual fallout of the ex-friend having to bear witnessing the real coupleās wedding and chaos that followed
Like thatās such a bizarrely specific plot keeping consistent across three different usersā lenses! So youāre either pointing out the artistry of someone doing an incredibly elaborate creative writing exercise across multiple subs ā¦ or these people are just leading unbelievably unhinged lives. And part of me hopes itās the latter? Itās too batshit crazy not to be true!
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Reply to u/amateurdetective Ā· 9h
Or, and hear me out ā¦ itās all an internal dialogue youāre having with your numerous Reddit personalities to work out your own unresolved relationship issues. Weāre all just incredibly intricate fragments of your aching psyche!
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u/opinionatedtruther Ā· 7h
Lmao you are both nuts, but I have to side with OP on this one. The chances of these being all interconnected fabricated stories is way too perfect to be an accident. All the tiny threads and recurring backstories/character details woven between wildly different subreddit posts? Thatās not a coincidence.
I could buy it maybe being some extended Reddit fanfic experiment between a couple of redditors seeing who can craft more engaging characters and drama while world-building off each otherās plot threads. Like a weird form of collabing through the confined lens of Reddit posts. It would be pretty genius if so.
But for it to be entirely real with all the coinciding details scattered across entirely unrelated posts like that? Iām sorry, but thereās just no way. Thatās beyond the scope of believability for me. OP may be bungling the conspiracy, but theyāre onto something for sure!
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u/amateurdetective Ā· 6h
THANK YOU, someone gets it! And to answer your other theory ā¦ while I canāt 100% rule out some sort of viral Reddit fanfic experiment, I struggle to believe even the most creative writers would be capable of improvising THAT intricately interconnected of a storyline stream-of-consciousness style like that.
Like each voice and perspective they inhabit remains remarkably consistent across such wildly different contexts (relationship drama, life events, ethical debates, and updates). It would take incredible skill to stay in the headspaces of these distinct individuals and keep their personalities/plot orbits from tangling into an incomprehensible mess. While possible, it seems incredibly unlikely.
Thatās what has me believing thereās a remarkable kernel of stranger-than-fiction truth at the heart of this whole saga being teased out piece-by-piece. Or again ā¦ Iāve finally been gaslit into being a tin foil hatter of beautiful Reddit fantasies. Either way Iām here for it!
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Reply to u/amateurdetective Ā· 3h
All I have to say is please touch some grass and post to r/creativewriting instead š
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#f1 imagine#f1#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 fanfiction#f1 x reader#f1 x you#lewis hamilton x reader#max verstappen x reader#lando norris x reader#charles leclerc x reader#pierre gasly x reader#esteban ocon x reader#nico rosberg x reader#f1 fluff#f1 blurb#f1 one shot#social media au#f1 social media au#lewis hamilton imagine#max verstappen imagine#lando norris imagine#charles leclerc imagine#pierre gasly imagine#esteban ocon imagine#brocedes#f1 fandom#f1 x y/n#f1blr
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Tell me everything ā Carlisle Cullen (smut)
This is what I'd do as a historian, ask Carlisle all about his past. So I had to push (y/n) into this scenario. Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated! Enjoy my loves. xxx
Summary: The reader asks Carlisle to read her paper on Europe in the 1680s, asking him for his insights as somebody who has lived through these times. It's only a matter of time until their talks about history turn into something completely different.
Warnings: 18+, smut, piv, oral (f), quite some fluff
Pairing: Carlisle Cullen x fem!reader (2.7k words)
āDoctor Cullen?ā Her voice trembled as she knocked on his door. With her heart in her throat, she held her gaze focused on the door, almost forgetting how to breathe as Carlisle opened it.Ā
ā(Y/n), how many times have I told you to call me Carlisle?ā His soft chuckles rang in her ears as he stepped aside to let her into his office. She had known Carlisle for a while, had been introduced to him months ago after befriending Alice and being invited to come visit the mansion. It hadnāt taken long for everything to fall into place, for (y/n) to see through the lies and stories, and yet she still wasnāt used to accepting that her closest friends were the way they are.
āIām sorry for disturbing you, but there is something I need your help with.ā She sat down on the leather couch he had pointed at. With an encouraging smile shot her way, Carlisle urged her on to keep speaking.Ā
āIf I remember correctly, Alice told me you were born in the seventeenth century.ā She was close to letting go of a laugh, it felt all too unreal to even speak this sentence. āAnd I was asked to prepare a paper on Europe in the 1680s, I was wondering if you could read it and share your experiences with me?ā
As a history student, (y/n) felt like she had to seize this very opportunity, trying to ignore the excitement flushing through her system at the mere thought of listening to his stories. This felt like she was time travelling, being offered a one in a million chance, she simply had to take.Ā
āOf course, (y/n), I would love to help you. Did you already write the paper?ā She tried to ignore the heat flushing through her, fuelled by the strength of his gaze. (Y/n) wasnāt blind, she was all too aware of his attractiveness, and the undeniable attraction she felt for him. And yet she had always been too shy, too scared to even try and be close to the man who seemed to have an all too pure heart.
āI did, here, I printed it out earlier.ā His golden eyes followed her every move as she reached for her bag to pull out her paper. Sparks shot down her spine the second their fingers brushed together, leaving her torn between the coldness of his skin and the heat of his intrigued gaze.Ā
āThe others will be out hunting tomorrow, but if you donāt mind being alone with me, I could read it today and you could come back tomorrow for a chat?ā She had to look away for a moment. It was just a handful of seconds, seconds he picked up on all too easily. Carlisle's smile began to grow wider, adding more fuel to the fire burning inside of her, threatening to burn her right in front of his piercing eyes.
āThat would be great, thank you, Carlisle.ā
ā¦ā¦
āCarlisle?ā Her voice echoed through the mansion as she slowly took off her shoes. She heard him call for her, guiding (y/n) up the stairs and into the kitchen, where he seemed to be cooking.Ā
āAlice told me you havenāt eaten yet, so I thought I could make you something.ā Her heart skipped a beat in her chest, something she was sure he easily picked up on. It took her a while to move closer, touched by the sweet gesture. With a soft āthank youā rolling off her tongue, (y/n) took the plate from Carlisle to let the heavenly aromas surround her.
āWhere did you learn to cook like that when you donāt even eat that stuff?ā Carlisleās hearty laughter filled the room. Pride simmered inside of her, taking every laugh rumbling through him as a big win.Ā The food tasted better than everything she had ever eaten before, sure that sheād now ask him to cook for her whenever she was around.
āWith endless time on my hands, I find myself picking up hobbies. Iāve always enjoyed cooking for others.ā (Y/n) let go of another satisfied sigh before picking up her empty plate to carry it to the sink, shooting Carlisle a warning gaze as he tried to stop her from cleaning it. A comfortable silence filled the room, it wrapped itself around them like the soft morning breeze, tying them closer together with shared moments they wouldnāt tell the others about.Ā
āCome, letās go to my study.ā He reached his hand out for her to take. It was a simple gesture, accompanied by a bright smile that made her feel as if she was dreaming. Her hand trembled while finding his, allowing Carlisle to lead her through the mansion she had been in too many times to count, making it feel like her second home.Ā
āI have to say, Iām very impressed by your paper, (y/n).ā Her eyes grew wider as she pondered over his words, staring at the man who sat down on the couch next to her. Carlisle had his eyes focused on the pages, thumbing through them again while (y/n) seized the seconds to study the handsome man, the face sheād see in sleepless nights whenever her mind started to wander.Ā
āCan you tell me a bit more? Itās nothing I will add to the paper, I promise. But,ā she struggled to put her thoughts into words, pondering over every syllable she feared could make her appear stupid.Ā
āItās alright, love, speak to me.ā His hand found its way back to hers, leaving (y/n) torn between the touch and the way he had called her. A shaky breath left her, forcing her body to calm down before she could let him in on the thoughts buzzing through her mind.Ā
āItās just - I struggle to understand you have lived through all these things I study. And it feels surreal to have you so close and I want to ask you about every detail, which is probably stupid and invasive.ā She didnāt dare meet his gaze, focusing on his cold hand rather than the eyes that always managed to draw her in. His other hand let go of the pages, only to reach for her chin, tilting it back up for (y/n) to get lost in his golden pupils.Ā
āThatās not stupid, (y/n). Iām honoured you want to hear about my past and my experiences. I am happy to tell you all about it.ā A soft smile tugged on her lips, growing even wider as he matched it. For a few seconds, no words were spoken between them, drawn closer by the returning silence with a comfortable touch both longed for. It would be easy for either one to close the distance between them, unable to fight against the pull that made them feel like two magnets made to fit.Ā
āIām afraid our time together is about to be cut short.ā It only took a few more seconds for (y/n) to hear the sounds of the others returning, making her heart drop in disappointment. Slowly, Carlisle let go of (y/n), he rose to his feet only to watch her mimic his movements with an unreadable expression widening on her features. āHere, why donāt you read through the comments I left and if you have any more questions, we can chat about it some more?āĀ
āThat would be great, thank you, Carlisle.ā She wasnāt sure what was guiding her at that moment, but before (y/n) could stop herself, she had shifted her weight onto her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. And without sharing another word, she disappeared from his office with heat clinging to her like a second layer of skin.Ā
ā¦ā¦
āNo, thatās also a lie.ā Carlisleās laughter reverberated through her apartment, echoing off the walls of her living room. She had called him a while ago, wondering if heād be up for another chat about her questions. It hadnāt taken him long to find his way to her, making himself comfortable as one question after another left (y/n) ā something they had been doing for the past hours.Ā
āHow can that be? You just destroyed everything I know about the past centuries.ā Another laugh left him before he pulled (y/n) closer. She found herself sitting closer to him, staring up at Carlisle who cupped her cheek with his cold hand. The electricity she felt whenever he touched her was back, buzzing down her spine to leave her heart racing.Ā
āIām sorry, itās not my intention to disappoint you, love.ā His thumb brushed over her warm skin, leaving her tingling and buzzing while shuffling even closer to him. No further word managed to leave (y/n) while she focused on Carlisle, letting her gaze flicker between his eyes and his lips. The pull she felt was growing stronger by the second, urging her on to close the small distance between them.Ā
āCarlisle,ā (y/n) whispered his name as if she hoped that he could understand what she was about to ask of him. And then he finally moved. Their lips clashed together urgently, perfectly fitting together as if they had been created for one another, having to endure years and centuries even while waiting for her to find him.Ā
The kiss wasnāt interrupted once, not as she crawled into his lap, not as he tightened his grip on her neck to keep her close to him. It felt as if he was tasting her blood, high on the taste and scent that had never influenced him this much, begging him to own every part of her body. And for her it was a similar sensation, just as intense even though she had nothing to compare it to, not used to feeling this dizzy from a simple kiss.
āDonāt stop, donāt ever stop, please.ā (Y/n) mumbled the words against his lips. Carlisleās cold hands found their way beneath her sweater, carefully touching her skin while trying to keep some distance between them and that last line they were craving to cross.Ā
āTalk to me, love. What do you want?ā His mouth found her neck while he focused on the sounds of her racing pulse, of her pounding heart and her trembling breaths. He had her trapped, lured into his darkness as if he had always counted on her weakness.Ā
āEverything, I want all of you.ā Carlisle rose to his feet without a warning, tearing a squeal from (y/n). Within seconds he had carried her into her bedroom, only to toss her down on the comfortable mattress she was now laying on. She watched him pull out of his sweater, exposing a simple shirt that clung to his muscular upper body, a sight (y/n) would forever remember, taking it to the grave with her.Ā
āIf you want me to stop, you have to tell me. Donāt ever stop talking to me.ā Their eye contact grew more intense after he had spoken his words, leaving her nodding. Carlisle helped her out of her clothes, moving all too slowly for her liking even though she appreciated him for offering her yet another way out.Ā
āTouch me, please, Carlisle.ā With only her panties left on, she felt exposed, vulnerable almost. But the second Carlisle exposed most of his body to her, she could no longer focus on herself, only on him, the cold skin she wanted to feel pressed against her, the body she felt like claiming. Carlisle settled between her thighs, eyes focused on her face as he kissed his way to her heat, pushing her damp panties aside to marvel at her.Ā
āThe most beautiful sight Iāve ever seen.ā His praise left her chuckling with glee, a sound that turned into a moan the second he brushed his tongue through her slit. Choked moans left (y/n) while her hands tugged on his golden roots, trying to pull him even closer. It felt as if she was about to make it to heaven, touched with such an urgency, she feared that this was nothing but a trick of her excited brain.Ā
āFuck, Carlisle, youāre so good at this, shit.ā Two of his fingers were pushed into her, curled against her swollen spot while he took care of her pulsing bundle. It wouldnāt take her long to fall over the edge should he keep on touching her like this, making her feel as if she was his most prized possession, the only woman heād ever touch with this much passion.Ā
āI have you, love, give yourself to me.ā The words gave her the sudden push, forcing her first orgasm through her while Carlisle kept fucking her with his fingers. Her sounds left him smirking, telling him that she had always wanted him as much as he had wanted her, drawn together by something neither could put into words until now.Ā
āCarlisle,ā she drew him closer, up her body to greedily kiss him. Their tongues fought for victory, while she tugged on his underwear, begging him to fully undress so that he could fuck her. Minutes passed by, minutes both used to prepare themselves for what was about to happen, to cross the last line that would keep them connected from this moment on.Ā
āAre you sure about this? This will change everything.ā Carlisle brushed her hairs out of her face, smiling down at (y/n) who looked at him as if he was her saviour, the one sheād forever fight for and love until her last moment on this earth.Ā
āIāve never been so sure of something before.ā With a small nod thrown her way, Carlisle got rid of the last layers between them before he positioned himself at her entrance. He reached for her hand to interlace their fingers, holding her close while slowly pushing into her. Both moaned in unison, letting go of their sounds that clawed through them without giving either one a chance to hold back.Ā
She felt perfectly stretched, full by everything he offered to her. (Y/n) never wanted to get out of this moment again, she could die a happy death like this, fucked by the man she had been crushing on, lured closer by her racing heart.Ā
Carlisle didnāt hold back, he didnāt treat her as if she was close to breaking, no, he fucked her like he meant it. Every thrust was symbolic for the sensations they felt, the love growing stronger, the longing they no longer could deny. A perfect match that left them hungry for more.Ā
No words managed to leave (y/n), she was already too far gone, fully concentrating on the feeling of Carlisle fucking her. His cold fingers took care of her pulsing bundle, adding just enough pressure to leave her trembling beneath him. Carlisle dipped his head down to kiss her, to swallow some sounds while his cock brushed her swollen spot with every calculated thrust.Ā
āI wonāt last long, Carlisle.ā Her confession left him chuckling against her lips. Carlisle didnāt reply, at least not with words, but his thrusts grew faster, pushing her towards the edge once again. (Y/n) tried to scratch at his skin, desperate to hold onto him, but the second her orgasm clashed through her, she lost control of her body, giving herself fully to the sensation.Ā
He kept fucking her, faster with every thrust. Carlisle drew some more moans out of (y/n) while groans kept leaving him, set on burying himself deep inside of her when he came. And with his forehead pressed against hers, he finally let go.Ā
āWho knew sex with a man who is over three hundred years old could be this good?ā (Y/n)ās whispers left both laughing. She allowed herself to keep studying him, letting her fingers brush through his strands, while promising herself that sheād live this to the fullest, wherever their path together would lead them.
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