#Stonewalling

[mymidwestheart]

[onyxheartbeat]

Men saying “Sorry I’m not enough for you,” and then leaving when you call them out on something is a way to push blame onto YOU and put the emotional responsibility of the deterioration on YOU. When the reality is that YOU aren’t good enough for HIM to straighten out a bad behavior that’s totally within his capacity to correct if he respected you.

“Sorry I’m not good enough for you” = I don’t love or respect you enough to change one fucking thing about my behavior that’s hurting you so I’m gonna speak for you. I’m gonna act like you don’t think I’m enough.

You can love a man to death and you can show him this by wanting to work through his struggles with him. I mean literally just ADORE him, and he’ll still pull this type of shit on you. It drives you absolutely insane and kills your heart.

[bizcochitomarmolado]

Part 2.

Cr. selfcare4yu

[excitingrbl]

the silent treatment

posts about the silent treatment keep popping up in my social media feeds. I would take it as a sign from the universe except it's more than likely just an algorithm. regardless...

...my usual way of dealing with someone giving me the silent treatment is to do nothing. because what else can be done? we can't force people to talk to us and I'm not comfortable with the level of insanity needed to keep reaching out to someone who obviously wants nothing to do with me. in fact, it's triggering in a way that every time it happens, it's like a fresh wound being ripped smooth the fuck back open.

if I had to think back to who I experienced the silent treatment from first, it would be my parents. having the loop in head that I'm just not THAT important is a feeling that I wish on no one.... but when people who were supposed to be close as family and friends have done this, the loop starts. to get the broken record out of my head, I have to remind myself that I will always deserve better.

I choose to listen to the other thought in my head that people who do this should not be allowed back in my life. expecting better treatment than this is not unreasonable. however, if people feel the need to separate themselves from me like this, by all means, they should leave. they should also stay gone.

I'm not a heartless sack of skin that feels nothing. the silent treatment speaks so loudly and the message I always get is, you don't matter so... it's like returning to an ex... not really a good idea and more than likely not worth the second chance to get stonewalled.

[monarchmusings]

Stonewalling

"Part of the deliberate intention of stonewalling is to keep the survivor 'on the hook' and not really able to pursue alternatives because the issue is still 'open' in some technical sense. However, in an abusive relationship, isolation and threats are usually present, and the survivor has no safe options to pursue needs except through the primary aggressor....Stonewalling is a complete pattern of non-communication and non-cooperation that only works from a position of power."

In short, anytime your partner ignores you, refuses to discuss issues with you, doesn't support your plans, won't compromise, won't explain their motivations, or refuses to hear your opinion or feelings, they may be engaging in stonewalling.

Some examples might include:

Refusing to discuss travel plans.

Refusing to support your plan to return to work or school.

Refusing to explain why they don't want you to come to their office parties.

Refusing to try a new activity with you.

Refusing to compromise on bedroom activities.

Refusing to hear your opinions about dietary changes to improve your health or the health of your children.

Refusing to collaborate regarding household chores and maintenance.

Refusing to discuss the need to move to a new home due to health or mobility issues.

Refusing to discuss the need for replacements or upgrades in your home.

[cristalconnors]

BEST FILMS of 2023, pt. 1

Honorable Mentions: Asteroid City, dir. Wes Anderson / Evil Dead Rise, dir. Lee Cronin / Kokomo City, dir. D. Smith / M3GAN, dir. Gerard Johnstone / Monica, dir. Andrea Pallaoro / Queens of the Qing Dynasty, dir. Ashley McKenzie / R.M.N., dir. Cristian Mungiu / Rye Lane, dir. Raine Allen-Miller / Showing Up, dir. Kelly Reichardt / War Pony, dir. Gina Gammell and Riley Keough

Also: pt. 2 / pt. 3 / pt. 4

30. A THOUSAND AND ONE, dir. A.V. Rockwell

29. THE BOY AND THE HERON, dir. Hayao Miyazaki

28. ALL OF US STRANGERS, dir. Andrew Haigh

27. ALCARRÁS, dir. Carla Simón

26. INFINITY POOL, dir. Brandon Cronenberg

25. PAST LIVES, dir. Celine Song

24. OCCUPIED CITY, dir. Steve McQueen

23. FULL TIME, dir. Éric Gravel

22. 20 DAYS IN MARIUPOL, dir. Mstyslav Chernov

21. STONEWALLING, dir. Huang Ji and Ryuji Otsuka

[marsduality]

Tiktok by @Orions_charge

[Beginning of Transcript]

Things I wish I - the anxious partner - had gotten in the habit of saying to my avoidant partner:

"I feel really flooded right now by feelings of fear. [I'd] cope through the rest of this conversation so much better if we could take just a moment for you to reassure me that you care about me and that you're committed to working through this problem with me."

"It's totally okay if you need to be quiet or take some space for your self - but if you could check in with me before you go to bed tonight that would really mean a lot to me."

"These are needs of yours that [are] difficult for me to meet without significant damage to my own well-being. Can we talk about some alternate ways for you to get the safety and space that you need to be well?"

"Its damaging to me when your storm out of a conversation or Stonewall me. If you could take a moment to ask for the space that you need instead, that would be so helpful."

"Things are going really well between us right now - Love it. Let's use that good energy to do a Check-In. How do you feel things are going for us? Is there anything I can do to support you better? Here are some requests about ways that you can support me better in the relationship. I love you and I will do anything within my healthy means to help you feel safe and supported."

[end transcript]

[midmarauder]

Stonewalling Poster

www.midnight-marauder.com

[onyxheartbeat]

Stonewalling is the most abusive thing that just flies under the radar.

[pacingmusings]

Seen in 2023:

Stonewalling (Huang Ji & Ryuji Otsuka), 2022

[venusdevotea]

Stonewalling

Plucking the bricks from your stone walls, I chew them thoughtfully in my mouth, grinding them to dust with my tired teeth.

I have a building’s worth of words to say, a city of delusions around me all paved with the cement of your silence and my creative, conniving mind plotting its next scheme.

Perhaps loving you was a vessel through which I attempted to love myself. And I built a city occupied by myself alone, and the delusions you took no part in.

Ironically, the idealized image of you could no longer fit in my fantasy, the real version of you far from its first prototype.

Cold, calculating and heartless, the bricks from your stone walls at the very least created its own insulated warmth for me to finally accept Me as I am, insufferable and all.

[hauscollective]

Blue Steel Random Wall Cladding supplied by us and laid by @blockandstoneworkcreations. Jasmine gives it the paw of approval 🐾 #stonewalling #stone #naturalstone #stonecladding #naturalstonetiles #architecture #stonemason #architecturedesign #buildingdesign #landscapearchitecture #landscapedesign #interiordesign #interiordecoration #architecturedesign #featurestone #naturalstonecladding https://www.instagram.com/p/CoBu4y2vHJI/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[unofficialchronicle]

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are four negative behaviors that can be destructive to a relationship and are often predictors of divorce: 

Criticism: Attacks a person's character rather than focusing on a specific behavior  

Contempt: A spouse views themselves as better than their partner, and can include sarcasm, name-calling, or eye-rolling  

Defensiveness: A negative behavior that can occur in a relationship  

Stonewalling: A behavior that can occur when a couple feels overwhelmed by emotion  

According to Gottman, healthy relationships don't use these behaviors as often and are better at repairing them when they do occur. The first step to eliminating these behaviors is to identify them in conflict discussions.

[bizcochitomarmolado]

Cr. carolynrubensteinphd

[immaculatasknight]

More ways to waste time

[livingwellnessblog]

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